Yes.
Why, then, things should be fine.
A little upset is all she was? Because I'll tell you, Jud, my brains feel a little like a nuclear reactor on the edge of a meltdown.
A man doesn't always know why he does things, Louis. I think I did it because your daughter ain't ready for her favorite pet to die.
What?
Rachel not feeling well?
Out of the mouths of babes, Louis.
Poor Missy. God, I was sorry to hear. I remember when she was no older'n Ellen there, walking down to the store with her Raggedy Anne doll draggin' behind her in the dust. I don't know why God takes someone like her, who should have a bunch of years still in front of them, and lets an old shit like me just go on
My father used to have a saying, Jud-- "God sees the truth, but waits."
Ayuh...how is your cat, Louis?
It's Ellie's cat.
Your father-in-law packs a wallop, for an old guy. He and his wife gone back to Chicago?
No...squatting out there at the Holiday Inn like a couple of vultures. He really thinks Rachel's going to go back with them. Her and Ellie.
Jud, I buried my son today and I'm very tired. I wonder if we could just--
You're thinking of things best not thought of, Louis.
--but I think the thought has crossed your mind.
Shit! Look at this mess!
I know the Micmacs thought it was a holy place...and then they thought it was a cursed place. That's why they moved on.
Because something called a wendigo soured the ground.
I'll bite--what's the bottom of the truth, Jud?
I want to wake up. I want to wake up, that's all. I--
Please, I want to wake up. Leave me alone. It's not my fault you died; you were as good as dead when they brought you in--
The power of this place is old and always restless. Sometimes the dead do more than speak. Remember, doc.
Leave me alone!
The door must not be opened. The barrier must not be crossed.
I'll tell you where the ground is sour--the ground in my heart is sour. Let me tell you something else, Vic-baby: Wrong is wrong.
Timmy Baterman. That was wrong.
Let her go. It's cool.
And Buckaroo Banzai.
Gage's gone!
Thank you. Thank you so much.
The movers--
Yes--I know. This path, Louis? Where does it go?
You're not really going over to have a beer with that old guy, are you?
Well, I've got a million questions about the area, and---
---and you'll end up doing a free consultation on his arthritis or urinary problems and---
My God!
I think it's rather extraordinary.
She's finally asleep.
She was a little over-excited, that's all. Poor kid.
It was that place. That creepy cemetery up in the woods. Whatever disease the kids in this town have got, I don't want Ellie to catch it.
Jesus, Rachel, what's got into you?
Don't be silly. Church is not going to die.
That's enough of that kind of talk!
I just said--
You'll be fine, Ellie. Now you can be excused. Go and wash your face.
Well, honey...you know that...
Thank you, Louis.
Getting there.
I got eggs down here!
I heard you tonight.
I thought maybe you did. I know you don't approve of the subject being raised--
I'm sorry I couldn't go with you to Missy's funeral. And that I blew up when we went to that silly animal graveyard.
That's forgotten.
Not by me, it isn't. I know how badly I acted, how unfair I was. It's just that I..you know.
I'm going to try to do better.
You better get going, hon.
Oh Louis, I just don't know about this--
I told you last night--this can be the start of patching things up with your folks. If something good doesn't come of Gage's death, I think I'll go crazy.
Louis, are you sure?
You stole my boat.
My dory. The Jolly Mon. Where is it?
Safe! At Port Royal. With the Royal Navy.
That boat is my livelihood!
You'll get it back. Or one better.
How does he do that?
AnaMaria, trim the mainsail!
Aye, aye, sir!
What's in your head, boy?
She. Goes. Free.
You've got one shot -- and we can't die.
Enough of that! Name your terms.
Elizabeth goes free!
We got that part. Anything else?
You must swear by the Holy Bible.
No! You gave your word!
Hah. Ten years you carried that pistol, and you end up wasting your shot.
I know whose blood you need, to end the curse.
Say the name, or I slit your throat.
Allow me the humor of listening to your terms.
Simple. I have something you won't more than anything. The way to free you from the curse of the treasure. You have something I want -- more than anything.
The Pearl? Oh, that's fine. And just how do you expect this to work?
That's your offer? You, sailing away nice and pretty with the Black Pearl, and all I have is a name?
That's right.
You see, I've got this honest streak in me -- in its own way, a sort of curse. Oh, and there's the fact that you have no choice.
I'll torture it out of you.
Blast you! I'll throw you in prison.
Wait as long as you like.
You're setting me up for a double cross, you with the ship, and me with nothing more than your word!
Let's say I tell you the wrong person. What would you do?
Jack, I don't trust you, and that's a fact. Never trust a smiling man, you can lay to that.
See, that's where we're different. I trust you ... to do what it takes to get what you want.
What -- you don't have the medallion?
That fool woman took it. You be careful around her, Jack -- she's pretty enough, she'll steal your heart -- but pure evil inside.
I'll watch my back.
It's pure evil to make a Captain walk the plank of his own ship, twice in one lifetime. No good can come of it.
Now, Jack. That reef is less than a league distant. It's a square deal all around, and you can't hope for better.
You'd best take a swim, Jack.
So how did you get off that island, anyway?
You can go to your grave not knowing.
No, I really think I do.
Why don't I want to do this?
You've no hope of surviving Norrington's attack ... that is, if you're mortal.
Like after you've killed ... Every ... Last ... One ... of Norrington's men.
I can't help wondering, Jack, why you're being so helpful and all? Last time you did that, it didn't end well for you.
The situation has changed.
That so?
Now, you can take care of the Dauntless, right?
There's ... another exit?
Just so you know, Jack -- I don't think you're that clever. I think you're a fool. A mortal fool.
So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals, locked in epic battle until the trumpets of Judgement Day?
Now?
Looks like your back to having nothing to offer.
That's proper, sir, according to the code.
No reason to fret. It's just a prick of the finger and a few drops of blood.
Turner blood doesn't flow pure in his veins. Best play it safe, and spill it all.
Do you believe him?
My apologies, miss. As you were saying, before you were so rudely interrupted?
There was a lot of long words in there, miss, and we're not but humble pirates. What is it you want?
I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means 'No.'
I'll drop it!
My holds are bursting with swag. That bit of shine matters to me ... Why?
Because it's what you're searching for. You've been searching for it for years. I recognize this ship. I saw it eight years ago, when we made the crossing from England.
You have a name, missy?
You've got sand, for a maid.
Thank you, sir.
And how does a maid come to own a trinket such as that? A family heirloom, perhaps?
Of course. I didn't steal it, if that's what you mean.
No, no, nothing like that. Very well. You hand that over, we'll put your town to our rudder and ne'er return.
Can I trust you?
Maid or not, it fits you.
Dare I ask the fate of it previous owner?
Oh, there would be no sense in killing you, Miss Turner.
Then why aren't you eating?
Do you not know what this is, then?
It's a pirate medallion.
The curse drove you to gather this?
Agreed. You have my word, as a gentleman of fortune --
I think it would be rather exciting to meet a pirate.
Man overboard!
Boy overboard!
Did he speak?
His name is Will Turner -- that's all I found out.
I apologize if I seem forward -- but I must speak my mind. This promotion confirms that I have accomplished the goals I set for myself in my career. But it also casts into sharp relief that which I have not achieved. The thing all men most require: a marriage to a fine woman. You have become a fine woman, Elizabeth.
I can't breathe.
Commodore, I must protest. Pirate or not, this man saved my life.
On his heels! Gillette, bring a squad down from the fort! Elizabeth, are you --
Elizabeth, I'm relieved you're safe. Clap him in irons. And behind his back this time.
Commodore, you can't do that!
You're speaking up for him again?
No. The pirates have taken Will --
Your father is frantic with worry. Our mission was to rescue you and return home. That is what we shall do. Mr. Turner's fate is regrettable. But so was his decision to engage in piracy.
Commodore, I beg you -- please do this ... for me. As a wedding gift.
I am to understand that you will accept my marriage proposal on the condition I rescue Mr. Turner?
Elizabeth, I hereby withdraw my proposal.
What?
You may seclude yourself in my cabin. I'm afraid we do not have any ladies' clothing aboard.
Then I can wear men's clothing.
That would hardly be proper.
Actually, I find it all fascinating.
And that's what concerns me. Elizabeth, we will be landing in Port Royal soon, and beginning our new lives. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we comport ourselves as befits our class and station?
Elizabeth? Is everything all right? Are you decent?
It's -- beautiful. May I inquire as to the occasion?
Although ... I did think you could wear it to the ceremony today.
Ceremony?
I knew it.
Difficult ... to say.
I'm told that dress is the very latest fashion in London.
Elizabeth, this is hardly appropriate --
What?
Parlay! I invoke the right of parlay! According to the Code of the Brethern, set down by the pirates Morgan and Bartholomew, you must take me to your Captain!
I know the code.
If an adversary demands parlay, you can do them no harm until the parlay is complete.
You'll be dining with the Captain, and he requests you wear this.
Tell the captain that I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request.
I could never forget it, Miss Swann.
Will, how many times must I ask you to call me 'Elizabeth'?
I'm glad we got here in time.
Why would my father send this to me?
To keep it away from them? No pirate would sail to London, for fear of Execution Dock.
If I had known --
I can't believe he would make such a sacrifice for us.
There. And don't you dare tell me that wasn't a proper kiss!
Elizabeth, I think it doesn't matter that we are of a different class --
It doesn't!
Miss Swann.
You are despicable.
You?!
Me!
You're in league with Barbossa!
Come on!
Has it changed since the last time you were here?
Captain Sparrow! We have to get off this island -- immediately!
What? What's wrong? How will this help us get off the island?
But ... you did it before! Last time --
Last time, I was here a grand total of three days. Last time, the rumrunners who used this island as a cache came by, and I bartered passage off. But from the looks of this, they've been out of business, and so that won't be happening again. We probably have your friend Norrington to thank for that.
So that's it? That's the secret grand adventure of the infamous Jack Sparrow? You spent three days on the beach drinking rum?
You should look at our contretemps this way: we've got shade trees, thank the Lord. We've got some food on the trees, thank the Lord again. And we've got rum, praise the Lord. We can stay alive a month, maybe more. Keep a weather eye open for passing ships, and our chances are fair.
A month? Will doesn't have a month! We've got to do something to help him!
Don't be thinking I'm happy about this, Elizabeth. But I see no use in wailing and gnashing my teeth over that which I can do nothing about.
Drink up me hearties, yo ho ...
What? What was that? Something funny, Miss Swann? Share, please.
Nothing ... it's nothing. Just ... I'm reminded of a song I learned as a child. A song about pirates.
I know a lot of songs about pirates, but none I'd teach a child. Let's hear it.
That was before I met one, of course.
Now I must hear this song. An authentic pirate song. Have at it.
Well, perhaps ... with a bit more to drink, I might ...
When I get the Black Pearl back, I'm going to teach it to the whole crew, and we'll sing it all the time!
Jack, it must be so terrible for you, to be trapped here on this island, all over again.
Ah, well ... the company is better than last time. And the scenery has definitely improved.
Mr. Sparrow! I'm not sure I've had enough rum to allow that kind of talk.
To freedom.
What are you doing? You've burned our food, the shade -- the rum!
Why?
That signal is over a thousand feet high, which means it can be seen for two hundred leagues in every direction. The entire Royal Navy is out to sea looking for me -- do you think there is even a chance they could miss it?
You -- you burned up the island, for a one-time chance at being spotted?
You didn't tell Commodore Norrington everything.
Nor did you, I noticed.
He might delay the rescue ... and that would be too late.
Exactly.
These men will be facing an enemy that seemingly cannot be killed.
I have a plan. If it succeeds, then any battle will be decidedly brief ... and one-sided.
Curse you for breathing, you slack- jawed idiot. Mother's love, Jack, you know better than to wake a man when he's sleeping. It's bad luck!
Well, fortunately, I know how to counter it. The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink, and the man who was sleeping it drinks it while listening to a proposition.
Make it last, then. Now, what's the nature of this venture of yours?
First -- have you found me a crew?
Oh, there's a hard tale, Jack. Most of the decent pirates in town won't sail with you -- seem to think you're a jinx.
Say again?
I'm going after the Black Pearl. I know where it's going to be, and I'm going to take it.
Jack, it's a fool's errand: You've heard the tales they tell about the Pearl.
Aye, and that's why I know where it's going to be, and that's why I know what Barbossa is up to. All I need is a crew.
A fool's errand.
Not if the fool has something Barbossa wants. Something he needs.
Kid's a bit of a stick, isn't he?
We'd best drop canvas, sir!
What's in your head to put you in such a fine mood?
How did you get off the island?
Blast it, I'm already awake!
How do we expect to find an island no one can find -- with a compass that doesn't work?
Now, lad, just because it don't point north don't mean it don't work. That compass gives bearings to the Isla de Muerta, wherever it may lay.
I'll tell lee. Now, Jack Sparrow has an honest streak in him, and that's where the whole problem starts. This was when he was Captain of the Black Pearl --
What? He never told me that.
Jack gave hisself up for the sake of his loyal crew. He was marooned on an island, left there to die.
It's a signal. If we resist, it won't just be death. There'll be torture as well.
We're not going to just surrender!
We can at least fight -- we might be able to kill a few--
Raise the sails.
The wind is quarter from astern ... by the time we're underway, we'll never catch them.
Hands! Come about! Jackets off the cannons! We are to fire on our own ship?
All the men in place, sir. Ready to fire.
Sir! Shall I break out the cannons?
Dead serious.
You understand this ship cannot be crewed by only two men. You'll never make it out of the bay.
Sir, I'll not see any of my men killed or wounded in this foolish enterprise.
Fine by me. We brought you a nice little boat, so you can all get back to shore, safe and sound.
Agreed. You have the momentary advantage, sir. But I will see you smile from the yard arm, sir.
This dock is off-limits to civilians.
Some sort of to-do up at the fort, eh? You two weren't invited?
No ... somone has to make sure this dock stays off-limits to civilians.
That's a fine goal, I'm sure ... But it seems to me a ship like that -- -- makes this one here just a wee superflous.
Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough -- but there's no ship that can match the Interceptor for speed.
What's your name?
None? Very well. You rumbled me. I confess: I intend to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, and go on the account, do a little honest pirating.
Well, well... Jack Sparrow, isn't it?
Taking stock: you've got a pistol with only one shot, a compass that doesn't point north ... and no ship. You are without a doubt the worst pirate I have ever heard of.
But it seems to be enough to condemn him.
We had time to get to know each other.
Norrington, think about it ... the Black Pearl, its captain and crew ... the last pirate threat in the Caribbean. How can you pass that up?
I don't like the situation, Mister Sparrow. The island is riddled with caves. I will not put my men at a disadvantage.
Funny, I was thinking along those lines. How about you let me go in alone, and while you're setting up an ambush, I'll trick the pirates out to you.
You would do that?
They left me stranded. Twice. What have you got to lose?
Nothing I wouldn't be please to be rid of.
That chart I drew up'll get you past the reefs. If you're steersman's good enough, that is.
I'll be at the wheel myself.
You look familiar ... Have I ever threatened you before?
I've made a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates.
Do you think this is wise, boy? Crossing blades with a pirate?
You threatened Miss Swann.
Who makes all these?
I do. And I practice with them. At least three hours a day.
You cheated.
Move away.
No.
Move!
Are you familiar with that ship? The Black Pearl?
Somewhat.
Where does it make berth?
Surely you've heard the stories? The Black Pearl sails from the dreaded Isla de Mureta ... an island that cannot be found -- except by those who already know where it is.
The ship's real enough. So its anchorage must be a real place. Where is it?
Why ask me?
Because you're a pirate.
And you want to turn pirate yourself?
Never. They took Miss Swann.
I can get you out of here.
How? The key's run off.
Agreed.
Not without my effects.
Why are brothering with that?
My business, Will. As for your business -- one question, or there's no use going. This girl -- what does she mean to you? How far are you willing to go to save her?
I'd die for her.
Come aboard.
I haven't set foot off dry land since I was twelve, when the ship I was on exploded. It's been a sound policy.
We're going to steal a ship? That ship?
Commandeer. We're going to commandeer a ship. Nautical term.
It's still against the law.
This is either crazy, or brilliant.
Everybody stay calm. We're taking over the ship!
For a man whose made an industry of avoiding boats, you're a quick study.
I worked passage from England as a cabin boy. After my mother passed, I came out here ... looking for my father.
Is that so?
I knew him. Probably one of the few he knew him as William Turner. Most everyone just called him Bill, or 'Bootstrap' Bill.
'Bootstrap?'
Good man. Good pirate. And clever -- I never met anyone with as clever a mind and hands as him. When you were puzzling out that cell door, it was like seeing his twin.
That's not true.
I swear, you look just like him.
It's not true my father was a pirate.
Figured you wouldn't want to hear it.
He was a merchant marine! He was a respectable man who obeyed the law, and followed the rules--
You think your father is the only man who ever lived the Glasgow life, telling folk one thing, and then going off to do another? There's quite a few who come here, hoping to amass enough swag to ease the burdens of respectable life. And they're all 'merchant marines.'
My father did not think of my mother -- his family -- as a burden.
Sure -- because he could always go pirating.
Put it away, Will. It's not worth getting beat again.
You didn't beat me. You ignored the rule of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you.
Tortuga?
Just do it quickly.
Shut up, before you lose them all!
Wait -- what about the pistol?
But I survived. And I still have that single shot. It's meant for one man. My mutinous first mate--
What's that?
Depends.
On what?
Miss Swann! We're here to rescue you! It's going badly!
No.
Go to the opposite end of the island, and signal the ship. I'll keep 'em busy.
Are you sure? Jack -- this is not something you have to do.
Will -- don't do anything stupid! Don't say anything stupid --
Do you have any idea where you're going?
Jack!
Are you certain this is the right way?
Jack!
Well, you're the worst pirate I've ever heard of. You're a man who can be trusted, who can be counted on, and who can't betray his friends. What kind of pirate is that?
There's no *real* ship as can match the Interceptor.
The Black Pearl is a real ship.
No, it's not.
Yes it is. I've seen it.
You've seen it?
Yes.
You've seen the Black Pearl?
Yes.
You haven't seen it.
Yes, I have.
You've seen a ship with black sails that's crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out?
... No.
No.
But I've seen a ship with black sails.
Oh, and no ship that's not crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out could possibly have black sails and therefore couldn't possibly be any ship other than the Black Pearl. Is that what you're saying?
... no.
What's your business in Port Royal, 'Mr. Smith'?
I think he's telling the truth.
He's not telling the truth.
He may be.
That Jack Sparrow ... he talked about the Black Pearl.
Mentioned it, is more what he did.
Captain Norrington... I appreciate your fervor, but I am concerned about the effect this subject will have on my daughter.
He's still breathing.
What happened here?
Has my daughter given you an answer yet?
No. She hasn't.
Well, she had a very taxing day... Ghastly weather tonight.
Commodore --
A moment.
But --
Please.
How long do you leave him in there?
Mr. Sim, when you do locate him. Do not scare him off again. Just watch him. I think you can handle that. Right, Mr. Sim?
Look, I don't mean to rain on everyone's ascension here, but we got a little problem.
Speak.
Dr. Argon, everything's starting to come apart here. You hired me to take care of these matters of security and I am trying, but elements are making my job impossible.
Have you found Dr. Bright?
Wheelchair accessible.
Not anymore, Mr. O'Brien. The nanobot has changed that.
If you think I would ever give you the nanobot after this, you are deluding yourself.
Mr. Sim I want you to return to Dr. Bright's. I believe she is hiding something of ours there.
Dr. Bright, I don't have to do anything.
But in another twenty-four hours the core meltdown will be beyond the stabilization period. There will be no way to stop it.
You can't mean that.
Something to drink, Dr. Bright?
No, thank you.
We will always love most that which we create. Don't you agree, Susan?
I brought you up here, Dr. Bright, because I want you to understand that we are on the path. The only difference is that you are walking with your head down, afraid to look up, to see where the path is going.
I suppose you are going to tell me where it is going.
Pollution?
This is our world, Susan, and once you realize that, you will understand that the only place our path can end is on the throne of heaven. Science is the quest for divine perfection.
How do you know we're not heading in the wrong direction?
I swear to you, Argon, if you don't stop the meltdown that nanobot will be the last one I ever build.
What are you going to do to him?
What did you use?
I can explain it. Attempted murder wasn't enough for him. He wants to add kidnapping to the charges.
... plastic.
Wow, that is one moving story. Take it easy on my heart strings. Now I really feel guilty complaining about you shooting me up with your poison.
Poison? I'm surprised at you. You lack vision, Mr. O'Brien.
The body is just another part of nature and ever since we gave up trees for central air, there has been nothing sacred about nature. Nature is the enemy, Mr. O'Brien, and science is our greatest weapon against her.
I should kill you right now for what you did to me!
How apropos.
As you can see I am a new man, just like you.
It remains to be seen who is the good guy and who is the bad guy. History is written by the victor.
I know what you're doing.
You mean besides kicking your ass?!
Please, O'Brien, don't do this to me! I'll give you anything you want!
You can't do this! You owe me, O'Brien. I made you plastic! I made you!
Like rotting meat.
Oh no? Smell this.
Icarus, please, if you want me to give you a bath just say so.
She's working as fast as she can, Icarus. It will be ready soon.
It's ready now, I know it is.
She says it's not.
She's lying. She lost the first one on purpose.
She did not. The mouse ran down the drain.
She let it escape because she wants me to die.
Icky! What's happening?
It works, Poppy. It works, it works!
Now, Icky, I don't need you winding yourself up. I need you focused and in control.
But, Poppy, you don't know what this means --
You don't either. We won't know anything until we find that guy and find out if he's alive or what.
Yes, that's true. We have to find him, run tests, determine if the polymerization is stable.
In the meantime, we're going to need someone to deal with that mess in the lab. I don't think we should call Dr. Bright.
Oh no. No. We'll get her assistant. What's-his-name? Nebbishman?
A containment crew is going to attract a lot of attention.
Gently, Ott. Gently.
Do you think she will give us the designs?
Eventually. These things are always a matter of leverage.
And you think O'Brien is that leverage?
And you still believe he's going to come here?
Based on what we know of him, that would seem inevitable.
Do you think she loves him?
Poppy, are you in one of your moods again?
You know how I feel about you. You know how much I need you. How much I trust you. I would do anything for you.
Why are there two ottomans?
Look at me, Icarus! Look at my body. I've done everything, changed anything you asked me to. 'We will always love most that which we create.' Is that still true?
Yes. Yes, of course it is.
Then you still love me?
Icarus?
I promise, my dear, I will give the matter some consideration.
Consideration?
Can you feel it, Poppy? The presence of the moment? Can you feel the weight of its significance?
Oh yes, Icky. I can feel it.
This is what my entire life has been directed at, this moment, this threshold.
It will be an ascension.
I was wondering if you'd finished considering?
Considering what?
Poppy, please --
If you loved me like I loved you?
Did you feel that?
Did I? I've been waiting for that for years.
Okay. Alright. Okey-dokey. Now, we need the nanobot. The nanobot that initiated the reaction. Once we have that we can stabilize the meltdown. Simple really. No problem.
The fact is, that the milk has been spilled and now we need you to tell us how to clean it up.
Facts, Dr. Nebbleman. Facts. You've been using cryogenics to control the waste from the mouse experiment, haven't you?
Well, yes. The replicators are not as active at low temperatures.
Then perhaps we can use liquid nitrogen to keep the meltdown under control.
That might work.
Well, at this time, I mean that is to say, it is difficult to project --
She could have given him something to stimulate his kidneys.
Where did he go?
They're here! They're here! We have the nanobot.
Dr. Makeo is working on it now, sir. I estimate at least another six hours.
Of course you understand, Dr. Argon, that once the nanobot is inside of you, there is no going back --
Excellent work, Dr. Nebbleman. You have outdone yourself.
It'll be better for us if he simply disappears. The gardener will know what to do.
Wait, wait, can I at least have his body?
Hey!
You don't want this.
Yeah, I do!
You have no idea what this is doing to your body.
Here, kid, this is great stuff. Why don't you give it a try?
Yeah? So what?
So what? So what? For starters, how about littering is a crime.
Haw-haw! Why don't you run off and find a cop and I'll wait right here.
Why don't you just put this in your pocket so when you see a garbage can you can put it where it belongs.
What is it with you litterbugs? Is it a territorial thing, marking your turf with your garbage?
You better quit pushing me, pal.
I just want to know what goes on in the mind of a litterbug. What chemical is secreted by your smooth brain that tells you, 'It's okay, just chuck it'?
Look, asshole, I don't got time for this. If you got a problem, you better take care of it yourself.
Oh no, no, no. No can do. You enjoyed a tasty beverage and thus this receptacle becomes your responsibility and I don't care if it's a Styrofoam cup or the Exxon Valdez! You've got to learn to take responsibility!
What are you going to do? Make me throw it out?
What? Oh, I'm sorry, Nigel. I was just thinking...
Aaabout...?
This morning. I saw someone I haven't seen in a long time.
A man?
Yeah. I knew him when I was still in school.
What did he want?
Do you remember about five years ago, that uh... incident at Purnell Labs?
Oh yeah. They were working on molecular assemblers, too, weren't they?
They also tried using viral R.N.A. as the bonding element.
Yeah, somebody broke in and stole the samples, one of those animal rights groups, right? I remember now, they freed all the monkeys which caused that huge pileup on the Massachusetts Turnpike, right?
Yeah. But it wasn't a group. It was one man.
What did security say?
They'll in validate the key. Probably nothing.
Well, you got another problem.
The replicators?
Worse. Mrs. Argon wants to talk to you. She's waiting in the lab.
I bet he hasn't read a single report we've written on the waste problem.
I hope you're right. I'd feel a lot worse if he had read them and just didn't care.
What are you going to do?
You were never invited to my house.
Of course, sir.
I don't believe this is happening...
Susan, Dr. Argon is giving you an opportunity here.
There's a guard outside my door! I'm a prisoner, Nigel! Do you understand that?
Dr. Argon would say we are all prisoners.
Argon is a lunatic! I can't believe I was stupid enough to believe I could control him. You heard what he said, Nigel. He doesn't care if all of Calumet City is turned to Jell-O. How can that not affect you?
Because I am a new man, Susan. I am a man of vision. Your problem, Susan, is that you're always looking down. If you'd just look up you'd see the big picture and in the big picture men of vision do not dwell on what might be lost. They focus on what can be gained.
Is that what Argon told you?
No! Well, not those exact words.
Nigel, can't you see he's using you?
Of course he is, but at least there isn't a security guard outside my door.
You're afraid of him.
I'm a scientist. I have lived my whole life by the diagnostic application of fact and the fact is, Argon is going to get whatever he wants, so if I were you, I'd give it to him.
You mean the designs for the nanobot? You think after this I'm going to give them to him?
I think that either you're going to give them to him or he's going to make you give them to him.
Yes?
It's Sim. We're almost there.
You want to tell me what I'm looking for?
I've only been invited to her house once, but I know there is a basement lab that she uses for private research.
What's it smell like?
Smell? Uh, something like methylcyanoacrylate.
Like Crazy Glue?
Sir, please try to hold still.
He's probably right, sir, the building is probably going to collapse under its own weight.
Susan!
Daniel...
When did you...?
Been out for six months now.
Really? What have you been doing?
Somebody has to.
Same old Daniel.
Oh no. Not by a long shot. I may look like the old Daniel O'Brien, but on the inside, nothing is the same.
Is that so?
Oh yeah. See, Susie, a man doesn't do the hard time and just pick up where he left off. Oh no. The big house does things to a man.
The big house?
The big house.
Jesus, Daniel. It wasn't Ryker's Island. It was work camp for white collar criminals.
I've been thinking about you a lot all these years, locked up in my cell. I'd tear through every issue of the Midwest Science Journal looking for your latest findings, watching as you slowly worked your polymerization experiments up through single celled organisms to that holiest of holies, the fruit fly. Exciting stuff. I got to tell you, it really kept me going.
I guess I should be flattered.
I remember you said, nanotechnology was going to change the world.
It already is.
I've read they're using it to repair cancer cells.
And for cleaning up oil spills.
Do you ever wonder what happened to us, Susie?
Yeah.
Well, it was good to see you, Daniel, but I have to be going.
Nothing really worthwhile.
And what I love about molecular science is the way it revolutionizes how we have to think. It unifies the entire world on a single level. Everything is completely connected. Sometimes I can really feel it, everything around us, just a small part of a whole. It's really wonderful.
Yeah, we'll see.
We'll see? What does that mean?
We'll see how wonderful it is after you spend the next twenty years making Agent Orange.
God, Daniel, I'm not going to make Agent Orange.
We've had this conversation already, Daniel.
I'm sorry I brought the whole thing up! If you're gonna flip your wig --
You think it's a coincidence that they have all these aisles lined up like this, like a little maze! We're all lab rats running through their maze, pulling lever A or lever B, each designed to create some kind of bio-chemical dependency. All the while they're everywhere, watching us, two-way mirrors, surveillance cameras, nodding to each other, making little notes.
You're insane.
Daniel, give him the Trix.
Susie! You gotta help me!
Daniel, what are you doing here?
Please, Susan! I need help! Something is wrong with me!
Sorry, Daniel, I'm a physicist, not a psychiatrist.
They did it to me!
... just like the mouse.
Mouse? What mouse?
My first organic-polymerization was a lab mouse.
What happened to it?
You don't know?
It escaped from the lab before we could finish the experiment.
But you've polymerized single-celled bacteria and the fruit flies, I know you have.
Yes.
Oh no, no, no! You've got to be able to fix me! Please, Susan, tell me you can make me normal again!
Oh God, please! This can't be happening! I can't be plastic! A plastic man?!
Daniel!
We don't have time for hysterics.
We don't?
What are these?
Mostly caffeine diuretics. Help you go to the bathroom.
Why?
Pills... you know how I feel about pills.
Why do we need it?
The nanobot is the only thing that can stabilize the waste.
To put is simply, the nanobot inside you is a microscopic machine encoded with information like a strand of messenger R.N.A. that is programmed to synthesize your molecules with the polyisoprenes of the assembler fluid, rebuilding your entire organic system on a molecular level.
The nanobot combined your molecules with the plastic molecules in the white assembler fluid, so that on a molecular level you now have more in common with a Good Year tire than a human being.
Got it.
The problem is the by-product created by the process.
The replicators start off like assemblers, but the replicators never stabilize.
That was an egg?
Three days ago it was.
What do these replicators do to people?
So right now there's little replicators spreading throughout Argon's lab?
That's right.
I think while we're waiting, we had better run some basic diagnostics on you.
Lungs sound fine. You didn't have any pre-existing physical conditions, did you? Allergies? Infections?
Is something wrong?
Susan!
Look at this!
Just look at it!
Oh yeah, real funny. Yuk-yuk. Let's laugh at everything a man believes in.
I'm sorry, Daniel, but you have to admit it's pretty ironic that you of all people would be the first man ever polymerized. It's got to mean something.
What's that supposed to mean?
Just giving credit where credit is due.
You have no one to blame but yourself.
Blame the victim.
Victim my ass! You stole my security key and used it to break into my lab to do who knows what kind of damage! Maybe this is the end of the story and you finally got what you deserved!
This is what I deserve for trying to protect the world from a madman and his mercenary physicists?
You're not protecting the world, you're obstructing progress!
I don't consider uncontrollable toxic waste progress!
And I'm sure you thought Columbus was going to sail off the edge of the world!
But lo and behold he found another world that progress could annihilate!
Come on, I don't see you living in a cave!
Just like old times.
I want you to know that I really appreciate you helping me.
I feel very emotional right now. A bit out of control.
Probably the caffeine.
Do you have something to bring me down?
Uh oh. I remember that temper.
What's wrong?
The nanobot... it's not here...
How far can you stretch?
I'm going to go out for a while. I want to take the blood samples to a lab that has the equipment I need.
What did you want my hair for?
I could go with you.
I think it would be better for me to go alone. I'm sure Sim is looking for you. Just sit tight. I'll bring you back a pizza.
No cheese.
That's pretty good.
What's that?
It's a crime fighting costume, what do you think? It's underwear, so if you lose your clothes you'll still be decent.
That's going to fit me?
You made this out of my hair?
Did you go?
Who is he?
Oh no. They're trying to blame you for the accident. That means they must not have been able to control the replicators.
I can't go back to jail. I gotta get out of here.
I don't believe it. You're here! Oh thank God.
You didn't think I could just leave you?
I didn't know what was going to happen. I was just so worried something was going to happen to you.
Oh no! Argon! We have to stop him before he uses the nanobot! We have to get the nanobot!
Where is it?
Argon's private lab.
Run, Daniel! Get out of here!
You saved my life.
Susie... I...
What in the...?
Oh shit, the meltdown. It's spread to the tower.
We've got to get the nanobot.
It's too late. Argon injected it.
That means the nanobot is still inside him.
Yes.
What would happen if I threw him into the core?
Daniel, just forget Argon. Let's get out of here. We'll find another way to stop the waste.
You're not going after Argon!
I have to!
God, when we were in that store all I could think about was that one time, when we were in school, and you attacked that little kid who wanted some cereal. Do you remember that?
I remember I was trying to help...
God, what a fight that was.
We were different people then.
Things do change.
You! I remember you!
What? I'm not going anywhere!
Oh yes you are!
I get it. You're the goon fetch boy. The zookeeper Argon calls in when one of his guinea pigs gets loose.
Only this ain't no tranquilizer gun. Now let's go!
This is wonderfully accommodating of you all. Now I won't have to come looking for you.
You were looking for us?
Yeah, I have something I've been meaning to give you.
Yeah, and what might that be?
All the different ways that I could kill you.
Maybe you're ready to find out if that hide of yours is bulletproof?
That's impossible.
Mrs. Argon? It's Sim.
Mr. Sim? Do you have him? He's alive?
Oh yeah, he's alive. Technically.
And you have him?
Vermin...
I spoke to Dr. Argon this morning and he remains frustrated over the loss of the original nanobot.
I am aware of Dr. Argon's frustrations.
Under the circumstances, I can't fathom what makes Dr. Argon think we are ready for anything bigger. If C.N.N., or hell, if the E.P.A. knew what was in my basement --
Is that a threat, Dr. Bright?
Look, as I have said and will continue to say, the instability of the assembler waste remains my priority --
If you don't have any questions, I'll let you get back to doing your job.
I could have you fired right now.
Icky!
Okay, Barbie, let's get this over with.
It might be paranoia, but I've never lost my keycard before.
If this nutcase did take it and has half a brain, he'd use it right away, before we could invalidate it.
Yes, that is what I was thinking.
In fact, would it be safe to say, based on your general knowledge of this character, that he is already in the building?
What in the hell?
Oh, Stew and I went for a long ride. Dexter, is there any finishing school we can send him to?
Yes, it'll be a very interesting experiment.
To make a gentleman out of a tramp?
Exactly.
Now, Anne, you remember how much it cost to get rid of that baseball player?
Well, what else do you expect them to call you?
Indeed? How interesting.
Miss Wilson will give you the guest list and any other details you may need, Miss Gallagher.
Thank you. I'll go and look for her at once. Goodbye, Mrs. Smith.
Goodbye, Miss Gallagher.
I think I better go, Stew.
Don't mind Mother.
I'm sure you're quite willing to be decent about this.
You're not going to print this silly thing, are you?
You know something, lady, if you sold life insurance, I'd go for a policy in sixty seconds.
May I use your telephone?
Certainly. Right over there.
That's a good idea - telephone the police. The number is Spring 3100. Get a couple of cops over and we can have a rubber of bridge.
What do you want?
That's considerate of you.
Yeah, that was considerate of me. I recommend you read it.
I'm not interested in your literary recommendations.
Just listen to this— Adorable Babykins— Does her miss her Baby? Him sends his booful li'l sweetums a billion oceans full of kisses. Bobo is so lonely—!
Ah! But you don't know who Bobo is. And you don't know who Babykins is.
Where did you get those letters?
I suppose you're going to print them?
Oh, I don't need another guess. It's quite obvious.
Will you step into the library?
Will - uh - five thousand be enough?
For what?
I don't know how to thank you. Mother'll be so grateful - she'll probably want to kiss you.
Your mother will want to kiss me? Give me back my letters. That's the breaks I get. It's the mothers that are always grateful to me. Here.
You're a peculiar person. Why the other day I pleaded with you not to send in that story and —
won't even pretend it isn't a very great favor. I wish there was something I could do for you—
Really?
Yeah, I haven't figured out the plot yet, but it's laid in a Siberian village.
You're a bit eccentric, aren't you?
Me? No - most ordinary guy in the world, me. Only one thing wrong with me—
I'm just beginning to believe that something could be done with you.
Say, you could do anything with me you wanted to. Putty - just putty, that's me. Now getting back to those eyes of yours - would you mind if I kind of got closer so I could see them?
Oh, Mother!
It's all right. It's all right, Anne. I can take a hint. A bit subtle, but I get it. It's all right.
Hello, Natalie. Mr. Stewart Smith . . . Miss Montgomery, Mrs. Eames, Mrs. Radcliff, Mr. Radcliff—
Why should I? We're happy, aren't we, darling?
Throw me out - because I'm beginning to get goofy ideas, and they concern you, Anne.
None of your ideas can be goofy, Stew, if they concern me.
My name is Smith - well, that you seem to have been able to stand for the last month. I'm white, male and over twenty-one. I've never been in jail - that is, not often. And I prefer Scotch to Bourbon. I hate carrots, I hate peas, I like black coffee and I hate garters. I make seventy-five bucks a week and I've got
Now Mother, your attitude is perfectly ridiculous. It's done now. Stewart and I are married.
A little—? Sure, I'll be right up. He's all right. I like him.
What's the matter? Something I et, no doubt. Egg marks the spot—
You ought to get some new ties, Stewart.
Your place?
Yeah. Oh, it's great. Of course it doesn't compare with this coliseum of yours here, but 'twill serve m'lady, 'twill serve. The architecture has a little feeling of Missouri Gothic - and the furniture sort of leans toward Oklahoma Renaissance - with a tiny touch of Grand Rapids.
Don't you think it's silly of us to think of living there when we have this whole big house—
We could have the whole left wing? Wouldn't that be nice! Would that be room enough for us?
Oh darling, of course it would. If it isn't - there are six rooms and two baths - but if that isn't enough, Mother will give us the blue room too, I think.
Oh, Mother will give us the blue room. You haven't a red room, have you? Well, bless her heart. Wouldn't that be nice! My, oh my - six rooms and two baths and a blue room. I guess she would let us have the right wing if we needed it, wouldn't she?
But we don't need it, I'm sure.
Look Anne, you're not serious about this, are you?
Of course I am Stewart.
You have the cutest nose I've—
Never mind my nose. What kind of a chump do you think I am? You think I'm going to live here in your house - on your dough? What do you think my friends would all say? Don't be silly. I'd get the razzing of my life for that. 'A bird in a gilded cage' - that's what I'd be. Not me. Oh no,
What do you think my friends would say if they found me in a little cheap flat?
It isn't cheap. It's nice.
Listen Stew baby, let's not talk about things like that now—
Wait a minute. I'll do anything you ask me, Anne, but I will not live—
I've got a present. Shut your eyes. Keep 'em closed. I know you're going to love them.
Do you like them?
Got my initials on them too. They're cute. They're nice little things - what do you do with them?
You wear them of course, silly.
Oh no. No, no. Not me. I haven't worn these things for Years.
I know that.
Besides I'd look foolish. I couldn't look Gallagher in the face.
Darling, I don't care whether you can look Gallagher in the face or not, but you're gonna be a good boy and wear garters.
Oh, yes you will my dear - oh, yes you will my dear - you'll wear garters and you'll like it too!
Oh, yes you will my dear - oh, yes you will my dear - you'll eat spinach but you'll wear garters too!
Oh, you can't carry a tune - you can't carry a tune - all you are good for is to sit and spoon, spoon. Oh no, I won't wear garters—
Anne, prepare yourself for the treat of your life. This is Gallagher.
Gallagher!
Oh, yes, of course. How do you do?
You know, Stewart, you failed to mention that Miss Gallagher was a very beautiful young girl.
Yes. As a matter of fact, you failed to mention that Gallagher was a girl.
Didn't I? That's funny. Isn't it funny?
No? What do you look upon her as?
That was kind of a rotten thing to do, Anne. After all, Gallagher is my friend. The least you can do is be courteous to her.
I thought I was very charming, Stewart.
Is this true, Stewart? Did you really say it?
Stewart! We're all waiting for you. Where's your valet?
I poisoned him.
I'm not going!
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about - I'm not going out.
What am I going downstairs and tell those people?
Go downstairs, and tell them - anything. Tell them I'm not going. Tell them I'm not home.
Stewart, would you mind telling me why you're not going?
Anne, come here. Listen—
Look out for my lipstick, Stewart.
I'll tell you what. Let's you and me sneak out all by ourselves—
Are you crazy?
Think of the fun we can have - we'll sneak down the back stairs and get in the valet's Ford. How's that?
Will you stop being silly, Stewart?
I'll tell you what let's do - I'll take you and introduce you to all my gang. Would you like that?
But I don't want to meet your gang.
I don't mean the newspaper fellows that you don't like. Another gang I know - you'd love them. They're writers and musicians and artists - a great crowd of people - people who do great things. People who are worthwhile.
Meaning, my friends aren't worthwhile, I suppose?
Oh, they're all right, Anne. But I—
Oh hello, Anne– He types furiously.
Oh, that mob downstairs. I guess I got so interested in the play I forgot all about them.
I see.
What's the idea, Anne?
The idea is simply this - that I want those people to leave here immediately.
Now wait a minute. Aren't you being a little unreasonable?
Unreasonable! Have you any idea what the place looks like downstairs? Do you expect me to stand here and see this place turned into a cheap barroom?
Now wait, don't get excited, Anne. There's no reason for that. Perhaps the boys have had a little too much to drink. That's all right. I'm sorry. I'll go right down and throw them out. That's no reason for you to take this attitude. After all, I certainly have a right to invite a few of my friends to my house, haven't I?
Your house?
—and if it's all the same to you, I'm moving out.
Stewart!
This is something I should have done a long time ago, only I didn't have sense enough to do it. No, I had to stick around here to try and make a success of something that I knew darn well was a failure from the very beginning. But no more. No more! So that's that.
You've done nothing but watch me - watch me! - ever since I've been here. Treated me like a thug, watched me like a hawk, mistrusted me. Every time I leave the house, that Jane— —goes out and counts the silverware.
That's ridiculous.
Fine! I don't blame her. I know I'm out of my own crowd. I should have had better sense in the beginning. But I'll stay in my own backyard from now on.
You're acting like a child.
You should have known better than to write, Romeo. I found that out a long time ago.
I should say you had. At the rate you two are going, we'll have to leave the country to save our faces.
Splendid, Mother. Let's hop over to Monte Carlo. It's a great place to save a face.
That's an excellent idea.
What is this person doing here?
It's a good thing your father passed away before he saw insanity ravage the family. I can't imagine what made you do such a thing. A reporter! Of all things, a reporter! A barbarian who lets his socks come down!
Mother, I promise you that he won't be a reporter much longer. Once I get him away from that atmosphere and get him away from a man named Gallagher—
Good morning, Mother. Didn't I tell you that he'd be marvelous. Everybody thought he was so charming last night.
I was so worried for fear he'd knock over a vase or something. I must have acted like an idiot. What does it say about the reception last night?
Oh, the usual thing. Blah, blah, blah attended the blah, blah reception and wore the same blah, blah things.
Stop it. Anne. You're behaving like the person you're married to.
You don't have anything to complain about, Mother. He was all right last night, wasn't he? I told you not to worry about him.
Ah-ah-ah!
Mother!
Why doesn't Dexter show some decency? And you might show some too, Mother. What do you expect a man to do when he's called such names? I'm glad you hit that reporter, Stewart. He deserved it.
Hello, there, Meadows![13]
Who is it you wish to see, sir?
I want to see Stew Smith. Oh excuse me - I mean Mr. Smith.
Pardon me, Mr. Smith is engaged. We are having a reception here this evening—
—a beautiful pair of shoulders! But listen now, as a favor, will you please make it snappy, Laughing Waters,[14] and tell Stew Smith I gotta see him because if you don't my whole family's going to die.
I'll tell Mr. Smith at once, sir. Have a seat.
What's the matter? Isn't there a 'bless you' in the crowd?
You're the Tribune man?
Fine. Have a seat.
This way.
Fine newspaper the Tribune.
Well, I should say!
I knew your managing editor very well.
Is that so?
Yale '21, I believe.
Huh?
I got him his job on the paper. I'm a stock-holder, you know.
Is that so?
Yeah!
But right now I'm acting in the capacity of Mrs. Schuyler's attorney.
Oh, that's all right with me. I won't hold it against you. But you see, I'm here to find out about—
I know, I know. But there's no truth in the story whatsoever.
So, you see how silly that rumor is?
Why, sure. It's a lotta hooey.
Thank you very much.
All right, all right, don't mention it.
Give my regards to your managing editor.
Say, take it easy! Take it easy! Listen, my boy. No use you hanging around here. Just buy the Tribune tonight and read all about it. You can rewrite it for your last edition.
Couldn't make the last edition. It'd take me four hours to translate your story into English.
Oh, is that so?
Impossible. Put it on again.
What do you want?
Oh, nothing. I just blew over - I wanted to see how the old newshound looked made up for a gentleman.
Would you like to have me turn around for you, Bingy?
How's that?
Not bad - not good - but not bad. You ought to be able to fool about almost anybody.
Is that so? Well, have you seen enough - or would you like a photograph?
A photograph? What's the matter? Hasn't mama had you done in oils yet? "Just A Gigolo . . . "
I bring a message from Garcia.
Yeah?
Yeah. The boss sent me over to offer you a job. He wants you to write a daily column on the Tribune.
Yeah - go on.
It's all right. You can write your own ticket. A hundred and fifty bucks a week.
I'll bite. What's the catch?
Is there a green elephant standing beside that bwana?
Big Chief Bingy come to white man's tepee to make friends. Big Chief very sorry. To show how sorry - will bend over and let white man kick Big Chief where sun never shines.
Well, Stew, that's all thrashed out. By golly, I'm surely glad to see that you're not really sore. You know our racket - after all, news is news.
Sure, sure. That's all right. That was a great story, Bingy. A great story - wish I'd printed it.
I gave you the breaks, didn't I? That hairy chest story!
Look, I quit!
Yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Aagh! No wonder you're batty. Would it be imposing too much upon you if I asked you to do a little work today? Just to sort of break the monotony?
With me you can always do business.
Do you know what to do in a drawing- room?
Now listen, we've got a tip that the Schuyler family has finally made a deal with that chorus dame.
Gloria Golden?
Yeah, little Gloria.
The human cash register. Got her hooks into the Schuyler kid, eh?
Right - for the first time this year.
Well - it's only April.
Come on, get going, get going!
Get going where? I can write that yarn without stepping out of the office.
Yeah - and get us into a million dollar libel suit. It wouldn't be the first time. Now, you get over there and get a statement out of the old lady, the sister, or the kid. Any of them - but get it.
All right. Give me a voucher for expenses.
What expenses? All you need is carfare to Long Island. You'd better get a shave and a shine, because you, you're going to have a tough time getting in there as it is.
Now listen boss, if you're going to kick about that expense account—
It has been alleged - yes—
You wouldn't know news if you fell into a mess of it, nose first. So you're the bright lad that's never been scooped!
Not on my own beat, no.
I've heard of people being scooped on their own funerals, but this! Holy mackerel! Why, it's news when Anne Schuyler gets her fingernails manicured, but this! She gets married to one of our own reporters and the Tribune beat us to it! Well! What do you guys want? Go on, get back to your desks. Go back to your work. Now don't tell me
No, no - it's true, all right, only we didn't want to get it in print yet, that's all.
Why not?
Well, you see, I've acquired one of those new mother-in-laws, and we were afraid she wouldn't understand the whole idea. So we were going to wait till she went to Europe.
What do I care about your mother- in-law! You're still working for this paper, aren't you! Or are you?
Yes, sir.
Gallagher and myself just came over here to do a little work on a story -
Well, when are you quitting?
—Mr. Schuyler .
Now get this, Conroy. My name is Smith. Always was Smith - and always gonna be Smith.
Is that so?
Just a boid in a gilded cage -
A what?
You heard me. A bird in a gilded cage.
Aw, you've been reading a lot of cheap tabloids. Anne and myself are going to move downtown in a nice little flat, we're gonna forget all about this social stuff, and we're gonna be known as Mr. and Mrs. Stew Smith. How do you like that?
And live on your salary, I suppose?
Yeah, live on my salary - that is, until I finish writing my play.
What play?
My play.
The one about the Siberian bloodhound?
Siberian bloodhound? No. That's been all rewritten. It's laid in Araby now.
Araby?
Sure.
Well, I'm sorry to see a good reporter go blooey— Let me know when you're quitting.
I'm not quitting!
No?
No!
How do you like your bath, sir?
Who are you?
I'm your valet, sir. Dawson is the name, sir.
You're my what?
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'll do that for you some time. That's very sweet. Say listen, what did you say your name was?
Dawson, sir.
Dawson, huh? Was I very drunk last night?
Yes. I must have been pretty much plastered if I hired a valet.
Did you take anything out of those pants?
Oh no, sir!
What are you doing fooling around in here?
Say, you are nice. You're all right. You'd make a good wife.
Thank you, sir.
Are you trying to tell me that I need someone to help me put on my pants and button them up?
Quite so. Quite.
Now I'm sorry. I appreciate your efforts. But I don't need anybody to help me button my pants - I've been buttoning my pants for thirty years all right, and I can button 'em with one hand as a matter of fact.
All right, outside!
I beg your pardon, sir?
I think I understand, sir. You mean you want me to go?
That's a canary, sir.
That's a canary! Who brought that in here? Canary, huh? Go on, get that out of here. Get that out of here!
Yes, sir. Very good, sir.
A bird! A bird in a gilded cage! Get that thing out of here!
Yes.
I'm Miss Wilson - Mrs. Schuyler's social secretary.
I was sent from the Post in place of our social editor.
Yes, of course. Miss Ramsey telephoned me. Well, what would you like to have?
Why, a list of the guests. That's the usual thing, isn't it?
That's a lovely dress.
Thank you. Where is Mr. Smith?
Mr. Smith? Oh, you mean Ann Schuyler's husband?
Yes.
He's probably very tired. You see, he's had to meet all these people personally tonight.
I bet.
Stew, your hands are shaking. You've been drinking again.
The boss is getting hoarse.
You're sure going to be poison to that Junior Leaguer[4] from now on!
You what?
Sure, I must drop in on the mad wench. Her wounds need soothing.
For heaven's sake, Stew, are you completely bats? What for? I thought the story was cold. You can't go back there.
And with it came love! Oh Gallagher, you've got to meet her. She's it—
—and that—
Well, I've seen her pictures, and I don't think she's so hot.
Oh, you don't appreciate it. Her pictures don't do her justice. Why, Gallagher, she's queenly - she is queenly - and I know queens! And oh, has she got herself a nose - and I know noses too. That little snozzle of hers is the berries, I tell you. And is she cute when she throws that little snozzle to the high heavens!
Sure, sure. You've got a nose, Gallagher. You've got a nose. But there's different women, Gallagher. You know, like brewery horses and thoroughbreds.
On now, Stew, don't be too hard on her. I wouldn't call her a brewery horse.
Gallagher! She's the real McCoy!
And the rest of us are truck horses?
There you go, talking like a woman!
Well!
Well, well, well! Gallagher, old pal! There you are. What did you run away for?
Sure, you ran away. Aren't you going to congratulate a guy?
Thanks, thanks.
Oh sure, we'll be happy. What's the matter with your eyes?
It's the smoke.
Joe! A little snifter. Say, wasn't I a lucky guy to fall into a girl like that, huh? Look at that! I don't know how I rate that, Gallagher. Gosh, there's a swell girl. I want you to meet her.
Ah! Thank you, Joe. Tell you what - we'll have one of those parties down at your house - one of those spaghetti parties, you know. Gee, we haven't had one of those in a long time, have we Gallagher?
Not since you broke into society.
Do you think your wife would walk up three flights of stairs just to eat out of paper plates?
Who - Anne? Sure, Anne would love that.
Remember, she's a Schuyler.
Now get this, Gallagher - Smith. That's the name.
My error.
Well, if she doesn't want to come, I'll come down alone.
Oh no, you won't, Mr. Smith. You're a married man now. Mother always warned me never to run around with married men.
Oh, I'll call you up some time. And if your social duties permit - why -
Don't pay attention to him, Stew. He doesn't know what he's talking about.
Pay attention? I'm not paying any attention to him. You think that guy could get me upset? Hah! Not that mug. He's a tough mug - hard, cynical. He doesn't know the fine things in life - that guy. A bird in a gilded cage, huh? It's getting so a guy can't step out without being called a magnolia. Stew Smith, a magnolia! Not
Sure - I think so, Stew.
I knew you would, pal. A bird in a gilded cage, eh?
How is her family going to feel about it?
Mr. Smith, I've read some of your plays and I'd like an autograph.
Well, well! If it isn't my old friend! Turn around, gal! Let's get a look at you.
There you are—!
Well, daughter of the slums - how did you get out of the ghetto?
I'm pinch-hitting for our society editor tonight. I wanted to see some life in the raw.
Aw, you wanted to see some life in the raw, huh? Well gal, I'm afraid we ain't got no raw life up here.
Well, I'll have to look someplace else.
No, no! Maybe we could interest you in some well done butterflies, or perhaps some slightly fried pansies, or better still, some stuffed shirts. And guaranteed every one of them will give you a good stiff pain in the neck.
Gee Gallagher, do you look good! What are you doing to yourself?
Nothing.
What did you do to that hair? And where did you get that dress?
I dyed one and washed the other.
Don't turn around now - but there's a very beautiful girl up there who seems to be staring at us.
Staring at us?
My mistake - she's glaring.
They all consider me just as one of the boys.
I'm sorry, Gallagher - really, I am sorry.
Oh, that's all right, Stew. Forget it. As far as she's concerned, I'm just part of the hired help.
No, no. Strange, I've never seen Anne act that way before. It's funny I never thought to tell her you were a girl, isn't it?
Well, Gallagher! Glad to see you.
Hello, Stew.
I'm sorry, Stew. I asked Hank, and Hank did the rest.
I see. Hank brought them all. That's all right. We'll give them a drink and throw 'em out. How's that?
Okay.
You know what I should do with you? I should sock you right in that funny little nose.
How far have you gotten?
Well, you're not getting your play done, but you're certainly covering a lot of territory.
Stewart, have you ever been to Old Madrid?
Been where?
To Old Madrid.
Never even been to New Madrid.
Then how do you expect to write about it?
Oh - draw on my imagination, I suppose.
Did who?
Conrad.
What do you know about Conrad?
Isn't he the one that always writes about things - only the things he knows about?
Right.
Didn't he go to sea before he wrote about it?
Right.
Then why don't you write about something you know? Write about yourself and Anne. The poor boy who marries a rich girl - now there's a swell theme.
Gee, that's an idea, Gallagher. That's an idea there. I wonder now...
Oh, sure. She'd make a beautiful heroine...
And there's her mother - and what a character that old dame would make with her double-strength - and that lawyer friend of theirs - he'd make a great villain - and there's you!
What could I be?
You could be something. I've got an idea, Gallagher. Let's get this set. That's a great idea for a play. Pal, get me a cigarette, will you?
Here you are.
Now Gallagher, if we could only get a great scene - a tremendously emotional scene - something that would just wring the hearts out of the public - to bring the curtain down in the second act - that would be okay. Couldn't dig one out of your hat some place, could you?
Nope - afraid I'm all out of tricks tonight.
Now, we've got it right up to where the boy's wearing his white spats and going to teas and the frau enters - how's that?
I wouldn't worry too much about it, Stew. She'll see it your way.
Hey, Gallagher!
Yeah?
How about my breakfast? How do you expect me to ring a curtain down on an empty stomach?
It'll be ready in a minute.
Never mind that. If you can't get my breakfast ready - and can't get here on time in the morning - then you can go get yourself another job.
Sorry, boss—
Who was that?
Grayson - Anne's lawyer.
What did he want?
It's a swell idea, Gallagher. How's this? The wife's family lawyer comes to see the kid, see - to talk over the divorce. Then this guy insults the poor but honest boy by offering him alimony - so the kid gets sore, socks the lawyer in the nose and throws him out. How's that for the beginning of the third act, huh?
What other girl—?
The little O'Brien girl, of course - the one you suggested in the story.
But that's ridiculous! You can't make a sudden change like that.
Gallagher, what are you going to do - tell me how to write a play?
No.
Nice set of Conrads you have out there, Mrs. Schuyler. I was just glancing through this one. What's Michael tearing the paper about?
Just a habit. Mr. Schuyler is a bit put out by all the rumors going around.
Rumors? Rumors? Since when is a breach-of-promise case a rumor?
No breach-of-promise case has been filed. The matter has been settled out of court.
Well, well. That takes it out of the rumor class, doesn't it?
A statement? Good.
I have it here.
The man from the Tribune seemed perfectly satisfied.
I think you'd better go.
I've tried to stop the evening papers, but it's useless.
You quit trying to stop anybody—
Well, at best you might deny it.
Why deny it? The more you deny, the more they print. Let them alone! The thing to do is to sit still and keep our traps shut.
Traps shut!
Hello, Smith.
Holy jumping swordfish!
I suppose you know why I came—?
No, I have no idea - unless some of the silver-ware is missing.
Now don't be absurd, Smith— May I come in?
Surely, come right in.
Thanks. May I sit down?
Surely, sit down. If I had known you were coming, I would have thrown you up a waffle.
I don't eat waffles.
Anne asked me to come and see you about the divorce.
She did—?
She wants me to arrange the financial settlement.
Listen Grayson, I've got 106 bucks and 75 cents in the bank. Now Anne can have any part of that she wants, but she'd better hurry because I'm spending it awfully fast.
Wait a minute. Do I get from you that she wants to pay me alimony?
Remember what I told you about that twentieth crack? All right, you've just made it. Before you go unconscious I want you to get this through your nut.
I beg your pardon.
We just thought that—
Yes.
Fine, but kinda thirsty.
Come right in - I'll get you a drink.
Okay - you remember Joe—
Sure.
I sort of invited him along to bend an elbow. You don't mind, do you?
Come in, Joe. It's all right.
I'm sorry nobody could come.
The rest of the gang had to get out the morning edition - but they'll be down later.
What is it, Smythe?
Oh, Smythe, some bicarbonate of soda, quick - double strength. I know those news mongrels[3] will upset me.
Some bicarbonate - quick!
Double-strength!
Pardon me, madam. They phoned through from the Mayor's committee to remind you it's past the hour for the reception.
Are the cars ready?
Smythe, you've been drinking.
Dexter Grayson, you told me it was only ten thousand—and you didn't even get those letters from that Jezebel!
As a matter of fact, I was just trying to decide the color of Anne's eyes. I can't tell whether they're blue, or whether they're violet. What would you say, Mrs. Schuyler?
Indeed? Perhaps he will do me a great favor.
With pleasure, Madame!
Nobody seems to want to do anything— Why not ask me? Perhaps I can offer a suggestion. Do what about what?
About what? Your marriage to Anne!
Stop calling me Mother!
All right, Grandma—
Good morning, everybody— Well, maybe it isn't a good morning, huh? Anne, did you ever get the feeling that there was someone else in the room with you?
Have you seen this?
Yes - the worm!
I beg your pardon?
He's a worm - and I'm gonna step on him!
And you struck him right here in our house—?
That's the fourteenth crack you've made to me. I'm keeping count. When you get to twenty, I'm gonna sock you right on the nose. As a matter of fact, I ought to sock you right now.
What's going on here? Who is this woman?
Joan of Arc! What's it to you?
Heavens! The man's insane!
There are no gentlemen on the Tribune.
Now, now Jeeves.[5] Was that nice? Was that being a gentleman, Jeeves? Was it, Jeeves? Your name is Jeeves, isn't it?
The name is Smythe.
Smythe! Well, well, well! With a Y , huh? Congratulations! What a small world. Brothers under livery. Shake! Now, as a Smith to a Smythe—
Mrs. Schuyler is not at home.
But I—
Well done, sir. Very neat.
Smythe, the - er - gentleman is leaving.
Did you call, sir?
Shhh! Do you hear something?
Yes, sir.
You try it.
Me, sir?
No, that's enough. I just wanted you to get the idea. Now you know. This house is haunted.
No, sir!
Yes. Have you looked in the closets all over . . .?
Yes, sir.
Found no skeletons?
No, sir.
It's haunted just the same.
Smythe, what do you do with yourself - I mean, when you're not carrying those double-strength - what do you do with yourself?
Well, sir, I putter.
Smythe! I mean - when you're alone and want to amuse yourself, then what?
I just putter.
Hmmm, you just putter. Do you have to have a putter to putter?
Oh no, sir. I putter with me hands.
Well, isn't that nice? You just go right ahead and putter with your hands. That's all right. How do you do it?
That's puttering, sir.
No! Well, well, well! That's all right, if you like it. Can anybody do that?
Oh no, sir. Some people are natural putterers. Others can never master it.
Oh my. You mean, some people are born and never will become putterers?
Yes sir.
Oh my, wouldn't that be tragic? To know that you could never be a putterer.
Yes sir.
How about me? Do you think if I concentrated and put my whole soul into it, that some day I might be a putterer?
You sir? Uh-uh. You could never be a putterer. Not a good putterer, sir.
Well, if I couldn't be a good putterer, I wouldn't want to putter. But why? What makes you think I couldn't be a good putterer?
Well sir, to be a putterer, one's mind must be at ease. A person with a problem could never be a putterer. For instance, sir, a fish can putter in water but not on land because he'd be out of place. An eagle can putter around a rugged mountaintop but not in a cage, because he'd be restless and unhappy. Now sir, if you
A bird in a gilded cage?
Yes.
Smythe, I'll get this. I'm expecting some friends.
It isn't done, gentlemen! It isn't done, I say! It isn't done!
I just love you in that sweater Mary-Sue. It's so flattering.
I put blueberries in them just the way you like.
Actually--I'm not real ... hungry.
Mary Sue?
Can I ask you a question?
What goes on up at Lover's Lane?
What do you mean?
Well, you hear all these things lately. You know--kids spending so much time up there ... Is it holding hands? That kind of thing?
What?
It doesn't matter.
No. I want to know.
... Sex.
You sure you want to know this?
Yes.
Yes ... It's just that ...
What?
Bud. Mary Sue ... Breakfast is on the table.
Bu-ud ... Mary Sue ... Your breakfast is getting cold.
Why no. She's still on her date with Biff ... is something the matter?
Oh no ... I'm fine.
How 'bout some Marshmallow Rice Squares?
It's okay. It's alright.
Have you got any make up?
Does it look okay?
Looks just like it did.
And they won't be able to tell?
Wait.
Thank you.
I made you these for the trip. They're marshmallow rice squares.
Thanks. I thought you weren't gonna ...
There's a meatloaf sandwich in there too. Don't go skipping dinner just 'cause you're not here anymore.
I won't.
And ... wear this on the trip in case it gets cold.
I'm so proud of you, Bud.
Thanks ... I love you.
Oh, hello Betty.
Oh, hi ...
I'm sorry ...
I just thought ... It's beautiful.
Having kind of a tough time.
I think it looks nice.
Where'd you get this?
Bud brought it to me.
Bud?
Isn't it great how she's resting like that?
What?
She's crying.
No she's not.
Wait ...
I've got to go ...
It's alright. Let me see.
What is that?
You can't go out there.
But I really should get home.
Sounds nice ... Once you get used to it.
Like a drum.
How was your day?
Oh, swell. You know, Mr. Connel said that if things keep going the way they are, I might be seeing that promotion sooner than I thought.
Bud, your sister's a little older now and she's naturally going to start going out with boys. ... In fact pretty soon--she's even going to get married and make someone a good little home-maker like your mother here. That's IF she can learn to bake.
Oh, George ...
I told you where I was.
All night?
I got caught in the storm. You were gone all night too.
Look. Let's just forget about it. Let's just go to the meeting and ...
I told you, George. I'm not going.
Sure you are.
Look at me George. That meeting's not for me. Look at my face.
It's fine. You'll put on some make up and ...
It goes away ... It'll go away.
Okay--now you listen to me ... You're gonna come to this meeting and you're gonna put on this make up, and you're gonna come home at six o'clock every night and have dinner ready on this table.
I made a couple of lunches for you and put them in brown paper bags ... I'm gonna go now.
Where are you gonna go?
What's all the commotion? Where's the cat?
I sure am glad you said you'd come out with me tonight Mary Sue.
I don't know if I ever said this to you before, but, well ... I think you're just about the keenest girl in the whole school ...
Really Biff? The keenest?
Oh yeah.
... And you always seemed so smart and everything. Like that report you did on "Our Town Hall." Gosh. I didn't know what I'd talk to you about.
Well, sometimes talking's over-rated. Don't you think?
So I know I haven't been steady with anybody, but I just don't want to rush it. You don't want to make a mistake with something that important.
Oh, gosh no.
I mean, there's kids that are even holding hands already but I figure there's plenty of time for that kind of thing later on. Don't you?
Anyhow ... I really wanted to come over and sit next to you in civics but ...
You want to get out of here?
What?
You wanna get out of here? You wanna leave?
But where would we go?
... Lover's Lane.
Sure is pretty.
Oh yeah ... Gorgeous.
To be honest Mary Sue. I didn't think you'd want to come here until we'd been pinned for a little while.
... Why?
It's s'posed to happen, Biff.
It is?
Mary Sue--C'mon ...
What are you doing?
It's six-thirty ...
So.
Oh. I can't.
I'm busy.
Don't! Just let go.
It's better, Mary Sue.
Oh God! Are we in that episode?
What?
I don't believe it.
What's the matter?
You want to ask her out tonight, right? And then you want to give her your school pin ...
Yeah ... How'd you know?
What I mean is ... Mary Sue's been a little "different" lately ...
She won't go out with me?
I didn't say that. It's just that right now ...
What'll it be?
Maybe you can't even describe it. Maybe you only know it when it's gone. Maybe it's like there's a whole piece of you that's missing too. You might even call it "love."
Okay, that's IT!!!
C'mon. Everyone's turning colors. Kids are making out in the street. No one's getting their dinner-- hell, you could have a flood any minute ... Pretty soon you could have the women going off to work while the men stayed home and cooked ...
That's not going to happen!
But it could happen.
Want some bridge mix?
Oh, no thanks ...
Betty's making some pineapple kabobs ...
I'm sure you've noticed the same things we all have--certain "changes" going on in the town. You know what I mean by "changes"?
"Changes."
"Changes." And it's not just the fire or big stuff like that. It's little things. Did you hear about Bill Miller?
No. What?
Wife wants him to get one of those new beds.
Oh my gosh. What's he gonna to do?
I really don't know. Ben Miller's son just quit his job as a boxboy at the market.
No. They do. And it isn't just 'cause you're a great bowler ... They respect you ...
Thank you very much.
And it's important for them to see someone they respect, stand up for what's right. If you love a place, you can't sit around and watch this kind of thing happen to it.
No. Of course not.
And that's why I want you to be on the Pleasantville Chamber of Commerce.
Oh my Gosh. I hardly know what to say.
Why don't you start by saying "yes," and then getting me one of those swell pineapple kabobs.
Are you alright? What is it?
Rain.
What happened?
Did you do this?
Do you know that it's illegal?
BUD--WHY DID YOU DO THIS?
You're not allowed to do this! I could arrest you for this.
Bud Parker and William Johnson, you have been charged with desecration of a public building and the intentional use of prohibited paint colors in violation of the Pleasantville Code of Conduct and laws of common decency. Do you admit that on the night of May 1, you did consciously and willfully apply the following FORBIDDEN colors to the Pleasantville Town Hall: Red, Pink, Vermillion,
Um ... Yes I do. Where's our lawyer?
Do you further admit that this was done surreptitiously and under the cover of darkness?
Well--it was dark out ...
Good. Do you further admit that this unnatural depiction occurred in full public view where it was accessible to, and in plain sight of, minor children?
It was accessible to everyone.
I think I've got something to say.
It's like the basketball team.
The basketball team?
See, I know you want it to stay "Pleasant" but there are so many things that are so much better: like Silly ... or Sexy ... or Dangerous ... or Wild ... or Brief ... And every one of those things is in you all the time if you just have the guts to look for them. Look at those faces back there. They're
Okay--that's enough!
I thought I was allowed to defend myself.
You're not allowed to lie.
YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!
Why am I out of order?
BECAUSE I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO TURN THIS COURTROOM INTO A CIRCUS!
THIS BEHAVIOR WILL STOP AT ONCE.
But see that's just the point. It can't stop at once. Because it's in you. And you can't stop something that's in you.
It's not in ME.
Oh sure it is.
Dan! Arrest them!
Um ... I don't know how to do that, Bob.
What do you mean!?
Well, I never had to do it before.
You put handcuffs on them and you take them to the police station.
How'd you know about the fire?
What?
And where's that?
What's outside of Pleasantville?
Look it doesn't matter. It's not important.
"It was big 'n brown 'n kept goin' an' goin' as far you could see."
Hello Bud.
Hello Mr. Simpson.
Hear your Dad got a new car.
Mr. Simpson ...
Yes.
What color is that hedge of yours?
Green.
No, not that hedge. The other one.
The other one?
What are you doing?
David, cut it out. Mark Davis is gonna like be here in five minutes.
Well great. The Pleasantville Marathon starts at six thirty.
Pleasantville Marathon?
Yeah. Every episode ever.
Omigod, I don't be-lieeeeve this! He's gonna like beeeee here!
Weil great. You can watch TV upstairs.
Oh my God ... Oh my God ...
David, stop stressing, you can like-- turn it on normally ...
Lemme see that.
Do you mind. This is like the most important moment of my whole life.
God, David. Just give it to me!
Get lost!
Oh my God.
What happened?
What did you do?
I don't know.
Noooooo!
Oh God.
What's going to happen?
I don't believe this.
I'm gonna hurl, David. I swear to God.
Just take deep breaths.
I still don't see why we're doing this.
We're supposed to be in school.
You know him?
Owns the hardware store.
Okay, now you listen to me! I don't know what's going on but you'd better fix it! I had a date with Mark Davis and I even bought new UNDERWEAR!
We just gotta play along for a little while ... till that guy shows up again. Then I'll talk to him and ...
Play along?
Well, yeah. I'm ... Bud Parker and you're ... um--Mary Sue.
No! I'm not gonna do it! If I don't dress like this for Mom I'm sure as hell not going to do it for you!
We don't have a choice Jen. We're stuck until he comes back.
Why can't we just EXPLAIN IT?
Who's that?
Biff Martin. Captain of the basketball team.
Does he--you know--like "me"?
As a matter of fact he does.
Those are my friends.
Peggy Jane, Lisa Anne and Betty Jean.
Can we do any better?
No way.
One date, Jen--that's all I'm asking. If you don't go out with this guy we could throw their whole universe out of whack.
It's too weird David. This place is giving me the creeps. Did you know all the books are blank?
What?
I looked in the library. They got covers with nothing inside them.
What were you doing in a library?
JENNIFER!
Jen, listen ...
I like--really need a cigarette, too.
I could like kill a guy with these things.
It's in your closet.
I've worn some kinky stuff before ...
He won't notice anyway.
What do you mean?
They don't notice that kind of thing.
So what's the point?
Jen please ...
He-llo? I've got like three pounds of underwire here ...
Couple of cheeseburgers and two cherry cokes. If you need anything, I'll be right over there.
What did you do to him?
You can't do this, Jennifer. I WARNED you.
So what's the big deal. Oh. Okay. They're like not good at basketball anymore. Like--omigod, what a tragedy.
You don't understand. You're messing with their UNIVERSE.
You have no right to do this.
Well if I don't who will?
They're happy like this.
I mean, you don't think it's just like dorky or funny or something ... you really like it. Oh God! I am just so personally horrified right now ...
I just don't think we have the right to ...
David, let me tell you something. These people don't want to be geeks. They want to be "attractive." They've got a lot of potential, they just don't know any better.
They don't have that kind of potential.
Me too. Sounds swell.
I had nothing to do with that fire.
It's okay.
Not directly anyhow ...
Um ... They like wanna ask you a question ... I didn't know how to handle it. So ...
Okay look, this like--wasn't my fault. They asked me what it was about and I like didn't remember 'cause we had it back in tenth grade, But I told them what I DID remember, and the next thing I knew the pages had filled in.
The pages filled in?
What's wrong?
Nothing.
You're reading?
D.H. Lawrence. You ever heard of him?
... Yeah.
Seemed kinda sexy. Look. I read 35 pages.
So what is it?
Well ... I just ... Can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Remember when you told me that Lisa Rosenberg liked me?
Yeah ...
Well--did she really like me or were you just making that up.
No. She really liked you.
You weren't playing a joke? She woulda gone out with me?
Gone out with you. She woulda like rearranged your tonsils.
Can I ask you a question?
Yes.
How come I'm still in black and white?
What?
Well I've had like ten times as much sex as these girls and I'm still like this. They have one hour in the back of a car and suddenly they're in technicolor.
Oh, I don't know. Maybe ... ... it's not just the sex ...
Are you sure?
I told you. I'm like positive.
This thing works. We could go home right now.
Besides. You think there's like a chance I'm gonna get into college back there?
You got the admissions letter.
Right here.
And you're sure about this?
That was sure swell ...
Oh. Thanks, Margaret.
I baked you my oatmeal cookies.
Oh, no ... You baked those for Whitey.
No. I baked them for you.
No. You baked them for Whitey.
Keeps going ...
Hi.
Oh ... Hi.
Sure ... Where would we go?
Um ... You gotta turn off Main Street.
Mmmmgh.
Do they have those ... Where you come from?
Yeah ... I guess. I don't know.
So what's it like?
What?
How?
Well it's louder ... And scarier I guess ... And ... and a lot more dangerous ...
Do they have an Ocean? I've heard about the ocean.
Yeah.
What's that like?
Well it's big. And it's blue ... ... It's really really blue.
You want some berries?
I picked them myself. They grow wild up here. Mmm. So sweet.
They just grow like that?
What's going on?
Rain.
Real rain?
What do we do?
It's beautiful. Where'd you get it?
Can I open it?
Where are they?
You're gonna forget about me.
I like calling you David.
Okay, whose window did Bud break when he was playing with his father's golf clubs?
Salesman. What did Bud and Mary Sue name the cat they found in the gutter?
Scout?
You're unbelievable. You'll win this thing for sure. When is it on?
Marathon starts at 6:30. Contest's tomorrow at noon.
A thousand dollars ... And it's on all night?
Holy cow. Look at that. Had a little disaster didn't ya fella.
Yeah ... Sort of ...
I know how I'd feel if mine went out. Almost like losing a friend.
You know, we didn't call any TV repair.
... Her father.
Right. And how did she dress him?
... Like Prince Charming.
Yeah ...
What department store did they go to?
McIntire's.
McGinty's.
No. McIntire's. Remember: "For the very best in men's attire, Head right down to McIntire's."
Say--why don't you take this remote instead. It's got a little more "Ooomph" in it.
Ooomph?
How much does it cost?
... See, every time I thought I'd found someone they'd turn out to disappoint me. They'd know the early episodes, but they wouldn't know the later ones ... They'd know all about Muffin but they wouldn't know about Bud ...
What the hell's going on!
Why would I do that?
Because we don't belong!
Oh sure you do ... "McIntire's Department store" ... "Their father dressed as Prince Charming." That was gorgeous Bud.
Look--we appreciate it. We really do. We just--we want to go home now.
Don't get upset.
Weil wouldn't you! You look for someone for years ... You pour your heart into it ... This is a privilege you know. I don't think I better talk about this right now.
Where are you going ...
I don't think we should discuss this until I'm a little bit more composed.
WAIT A MINUTE!!
Maybe in a day or so when I'm not so emotional ...
Hello there.
... Hi.
So even though I can't make any promises, well--I figured if you asked me real nice--I might just be willing to talk about it again.
I can't.
What?
Bud--I thought you wanted to come home.
Oh ... I do. Yeah. It's just that I told my "dad" I'd clean out the rain gutters and Mr. Johnson wanted me to ... to change the tape in the register ...
I'll be honest with you Bud. I'm getting sorta concerned about what I'm seeing in some of these re-runs ...
Re-runs?
Like when Margaret Henderson makes her cookies for Whitey. ... Those aren't your cookies Bud.
Oh, I know they're not. But I mean-- they're just "cookies" after all ...
Excuse me?
Well they're not just cookies. I mean, they're great cookies ... Look, I'd love to get into this whole thing but I'm really running late. Why don't we hook up tomorrow?
BUD.
I want a word with you ...
Oh--well ...
What do you mean?
What do I MEAN! You think this is a toy? You think it's your own little goddamn coloring book ...
Look--it just sort of "happened" ...
A deluge doesn't just "happen." Bolts of lightning don't just "happen" ... You burned down an ELM tree for Christ's sake ...
I had nothing to do with that.
Oh. I'm sorry--refresh my memory. What episode does the orgy happen in, again?
Look ...
It was a gift Bud. It was so special. You liked these things as much as I did, remember: Warm smells in the family kitchen? A smile from a stranger? You know how rare that is?
OKAY. NOW YOU'RE REALLY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!
I didn't do anything wrong.
Where's the remote control I gave you?
Why?
Because you're coming home. I'm gonna put this place back the way it was.
No you're not.
EXCUSE ME?
I'm sorry ... I can't let you do that.
OW!
I'm going to leave now.
Hope you're proud of yourself.
Okay, let's cut the shit and get right to it. Where's that remote control?
Why?
Because you're coming home.
Why don't you just take me back without it?
So ... I guess as long as I'm here, all sorts of things could happen to this place. We could have pink lawns and blue trees ...
Just gimme the damn remote!
I don't know what went wrong. You answered every question. You knew every detail. The senior Prom ... McIntire's Department Store. We had all the same warm memories: Sock hops. The Church Social ...
How long do you think you've been here?
I don't know ... Three, four weeks.
Now Buddy, you're going on trial tomorrow. And if they find you guilty, you're gonna be stuck here forever. Well, not forever--lemme think ... Five year sentence ... Carry the three ... That comes out to ... sixteen and a half centuries, and that's rounding down.
I'm going on trial tomorrow?
There's worse places.
Bud?
Sorry ... I had to help my folks and then I couldn't find my hat ...
What's wrong?
Well--I always wipe down the counter and then you set out the napkins and glasses and then I make the french fries ...
Yeah ...
You know, if this ever happens again, you can make the fries even if I haven't put out the napkins yet.
I'm so glad you're here.
There aren't any cheeseburgers.
What?
Well, usually I put out the burger and then you finish with the lettuce ...
Do you have the lettuce?
... Yeah.
Have you cooked the burgers?
Yes.
Oh hi!
Hi there. You took off so quick. I wasn't sure if you were okay.
Bud ...
Yeah ...
You know how when we close up, I close the register, then you lower the shades, then I turn out the lights, then we both lock the doors.
Yeah ...
Two cheeseburgers, two cherry cokes.
There aren't any cheeseburgers.
Look. I thought we talked about this, I thought we said ...
Well ... I'm not sure I see the point anymore.
What are you talking about! You make hamburgers! That is the point!
No I know ... I know I do ... But it's always the same, you know? Grill the bun, flip the meat, melt the cheese ... It never changes. It never gets any better or worse ...
Just listen to me ...
... Like the other night, when I closed up by myself. That was different ...
Forget about that!
Look, you can't always like what you do. Sometimes you just do it because it's your job. And even if you don't like it, you just gotta do it anyway.
Why?
You know what I really like?
... What's that?
Wow ... That's pretty good ...
Well don't you?
I think you should try not to think about this anymore.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
Aren't you a little early?
It's an art book.
Oh my Gosh, Bud ...
What's wrong?
I'll never be able to do that.
Oh, well--you're just starting out. I mean, you can't do it ...
It's okay. We'll get you a new one.
Well how do you know it won't go back to the way it was?
It's beautiful.
TV repair.
TV repair?
Yeah. TV busted?
Yeah ...
You think you could do this like soon? It's almost six thirty.
Gosh, I loved that show. Watched it for years.
That's not the reason. I've got a date at six thirty.
Um--hello? I've got like a social emergency here.
Free?
Told you it was your lucky day. Bet you thought I was just a fan or something.
What happened?
Dream come true, hunh?
This isn't funny! I happen to have a very important date in like five minutes!
Oh GOD ...
Hey.
Saw you at the mall yesterday.
So you watching Pearl Jam on MTV tonight?
So uh ... Maybe we could uh ...
Cool.
This is Barry.
Hey it's me, what are you doing?
Hello, Karen. I'm just working.
Yeah but what are you doing?
I'm just working....I have some customers here.....
So you can't talk to me?
I have a few people here, I can't really chat right now.
"chat?" Did you just say "chat?"
Well, I can't talk though --
You just fucking said "chat," that is so -- what are you now? "chat." I'm just calling to make sure you show up at this party tonight.
Yes, I'll be there.
Fine. You get back to chatting with your precious customers.
Did you think that we'd all be looking at you?
No, no, no.
...yes I'm still on hold...
And what was this?
I'm looking at your advertisement for the airline promotion and giveaway?
This is "Fly With Us?"
It's hard to understand because it says in addition to but I can't exactly understand in addition to what because there's actually nothing to add it too...
I think that's a type-o then, that would be a mistake.
So, just to clarify, I'm sorry: Ten purchases of any of your Healthy Choice products equals five hundred miles and then with the coupon the same purchases would value one thousand miles --
That's it.
Do you realize that the monetary value of this promotion and the prize is potentially worth more than the purchases?
It's extension 215 if you want to try me back.
What city?
Somewhere in Utah.
What's the listing?
Hey, how are you? BARRY I'm fine, hi, how are you?
I'm just stopping by to say hello.
Hello.
So you're coming tonight, right?
Yes, indeed, yes I am.
There's this girl, this friend of mine from work that I think is really cute and really cool and I want you to meet her so I was thinking about bringing her to the party tonight.
Oh yeah no I don't want to do that.
Why?
Well I don't want to do something like that.
She's my friend and you should meet her. You'd like her.
Yeah, but please don't do that.
I'm not really asking you, I'm telling you.
Yeah but please don't do that: everyone would be looking at me.
It's a free country, we can look at you if we want to.
Yes but I get tense and I feel like I can't be myself if that happens.
That's your fault not mine.
I don't think I'm going to the party.
So it's ok if I bring her.
Please don't.
She's really cute and she's really nice.
...please, I just don't want it....
....wait a minute: why is this about you now? Why is it always about you?
Yeah, no, it's not, it's just --
I'm trying to be your friend.
I know.
I'm trying to get you a girlfriend.
Well, yeah, thank you, but --
Hey....I was just telling everyone about how I was gonna bring this girl for you but you wouldn't let me do it.
You just said very food.
You're lucky. She couldn't come anyway --
Well I'm glad you didn't, thank you.
She couldn't come I said. Are you nervous?
No.
You look nervous.
Hey, what are you doing? Why are you wearing a suit again?
This is Lena, she's a good friend of mine from work. We were in the neighborhood and she had to pick up her car and we're getting breakfast before we go in, so did you want to go? We're gonna go and eat, let's go.
Yeah I can't.
Why?
I have work, I can't leave.
Seriously, though: We're going to eat, I said.
Hey, hey, you should ask her out -- what do you think, she's cute, right?
It's not cool?
It's fine, but --
-- do you think you'll ask her out?
I feel really on the spot now.
Are you gonna do it?
I don't do that. I don't - things like that.
You don't do anything, why are you being scared?
I'm not being scared, you're just going to rag me if I do this --
I'm not gonna rag you. Why would I do this just to rag you?
I don't know.
I'll leave then, I'll go to get something from my car, go away so you don't feel pressure. Can I ask you a serious question:
What?
Did you ask Walter to get you a shrink? Barry, did you ask Walter to get you a shrink? What's wrong with you? Are you ok?
I didn't ask him that. He's lying.
Yeah I can't.
What's all this pudding?
It's not mine.
Why's it here?
Goodbye.
Hey. What are you doing?
What about her? You didn't ask her out, you're such a pussy --
....she didn't, I didn't ask her out?
You're so scared.
Do you know where she's staying in Hawaii?
Oh My God, yeah, I know exactly where she is, why?
......she forgot her purse at my work and I wanted to get it back to her.
No she didn't; that's a lie.
I....please don't do this.
What? Tell me why you wanna know --
I just want to know where she's staying.
Tell me why.
There is no reason for you to treat me like you do -- you're killing me, you are killing me with the way that you are towards me --
-- what are you talking about, come on --
Hello, this is Back.
Hi, is this Jack?
Yes.
This is Georgia.
Hi. This is Jack.
So what are you doing tonight, Jack?
Nothing.
Nothing, huh, do you know what I'm doing?
No.
I'm just laying on my bed.
Where are you?
I'm in my bedroom.
No, I mean, what city, what state are you in?
Are you watching a porno movie?
No.
Do you like porno movies?
Sure.
....no....
Yeah? So what are you doing, then?
...just talking to you....
Are your pants off?
No.
I'm wearing a t-shirt and panties.
Really?
Yeah. And looking at myself in the mirror. Do you wanna know what I look like?
It doesn't matter.
What do you mean it doesn't matter?
Well. I have no way of knowing. So it doesn't matter.
I don't lie, Jack. I'm about 5'8, blonde 34,28,34. Pretty thin, I work out. My pussy's shaved. My friends say I'm pretty cute, so....
Really?
What do you mean, "really?" Yeah. Really. What about you?
It doesn't matter.
Yeah....you're married aren't you, Jack?
No.
You have a girlfriend?
...yes...
Where is she?
I'm horny, Jack, what about you?
...yeah.....
Does Jack like to Jack Off?
Sometimes when I'm lonely.
...yeah....well you have me now.
You sound very cute, very nice.
Thank you. What do you do, Barry?
I have my own business....I work. I work hard at doing my business.
Yeah....do you do well, do you make alotta money?
I do pretty good, I think. I wish I was making more, doing a little bit better. I can,t get over a certain hump. I will...I will crack something soon I think and really do better...I'd like to diversify...but I'm doing great, I think, as a start.
So.....are you stroking it, yet, honey?
No.
Well why don't you take your pants off and stroke it for me?
Hello?
Hey. What are you doing? How are you?
I'm fine. Who is this?
Georgia.
Hi....what....what's up....?
It's ok that I'm calling, right, I mean? It's ok.
Yeah. No. It's ok. What's goin' on?
I just wanted to call and talk to you, thank you for last night, try and get you before you went to work and say, "hey."
I'm going to work.
Uhhh...I am sooo tired...I stayed up too late last night, what about you, when did you go to sleep?
Not very late.
You're going to work now?
Yes.
Can I ask you a question?
Uh-huh.
Remember last night I was talking to you and I was telling you about my apartment, my rent -- ? Do you remember?
Yes.
This is really weird and really embarrassing for me but....uh.... I was wondering if you could help me out with a little bit of money.
Me?
Yeah.
I can't really. Yeah, no. I mean. I can't afford it.
You don't even know how much it is.
I know but I....how much is it?
Like seven-fifty. Seven hundred fifty?
Yes, no, yes. I can't. I can't afford that. I'm sorry. Sorry.
Really? Please?
You have trouble, financial trouble?
Yeah. It's so hard these days and I really need it.
Yes I can't....I don't make enough money to be able to do that.
So you think you can?
No. I'm sorry.
Should I call back and talk to your girlfriend?
....what....?
Hello?
We got disconnected before....
No. No. We got disconnect -- why?.....you're calling me at work....how did you get this number -- ?
See the thing is I could make it really easy on you -- I already have your credit card number, your information, address and stuff. This is so awkward asking like this, I'm sorry --
This makes me very uncomfortable.
I need help.
Should I just ask your girlfriend? Maybe I should call back and talk to your girlfriend?
I don't have a girlfriend --
-- you said you did.
I know I did. But I don't.
You lied to me?
I didn't lie.
Why did you tell me you did, then?
This is....illegal....I'll call the police.
Come on, I thought we had fun, rich boy --
This is not cool.
It was cool last night.
I have to go.
Are you telling me no?
No I'm sorry, now I have to get off the phone....
...MOTHERFUCKER, NO....
Hello?
Hi. Do you work at the mechanic?
No.
They're not open yet?
Is it ok if I leave my car you think?
I don't know.
I thought they opened at seven. If I left my car would it be ok?
I don't know.
Do you know them.
Not very well.
Can I ask you, can I trust to leave my keys with you and give them to you so that when they get here you could give them to them? BARRY Ok.
You think it's ok where I left it, right there?
There's a piano in the street.
Yeah.
Ok. Maybe I'll see you later. Thank you for your help.
Thank you.
Maybe I'll see you later, when I pick up my car?
Hi.
Hi.
Do you remember me, I left my car, yesterday.
I'm sorry I couldn't come to your sister's birthday party last night, Elizabeth had invited me and I couldn't make it --
It's fine. It was fun, though.
It must be weird for you to have so many sisters?
Business is good, you're busy?
Yeah, not really.
I saw a picture of you.
Yes. LENA Elizabeth has a picture of you guys -- your sisters and you, it's a lot of family, it must be nice.
Do you have brothers or sisters?
No. I'm the exact opposite --
That must be nice. That must be really, really, really great.
What do you do with all this pudding?
Oh My God.
Six months, maybe five, five or six months...do you wanna check that?
That's great -- Hawaii. I was thinking about going there.
Really?
I was, yeah, I was thinking about going there for business --
-- well, if you're gonna go --
-- I'm probably not gonna go though.
-- oh that's too bad, it's so great over there and if you were there we could say hello to each other or something --
It was great to meet you again. To see you again, thanks for helping me yesterday --
I'm going to go and eat tomorrow night do you want to go with me?
Sure.
Do you want to pick me up?
Sure.
Can I write down my address and phone number for you?
This is funny.
Yeah.
I didn't ask anyone for a shrink, that was someone else. Also: This pudding is not mine. Also: I'm wearing a suit because I had a very important business meeting this morning and I don't have a crying problem.
Ok.
Alright?
....Hi.....
Who is it?
...really? That's nice...are you lying?
That's very nice. Thank you. Thank you for saying that. You're friends with my sister?
Yeah.
How long have you known her?
About six months.
You like her?
Yeah. Yeah we get along well. You didn't get along with her very well?
Did you really come to meet me on purpose or are you lying about that?
No, no. I did.
That's nice. It's nice. I've been looking around a lot lately at promotional giveaways, cross promotional work by some companies. Do you remember all that pudding?
Yeah.
So that pudding was bought, I bought that pudding because of a pretty interesting promotion that's sponsored by Healthy Choice and American Airlines. It's designed to encourage airline travel and obviously designed to encourage buying Healthy Choice products. They make frozen meals, deli meats, pasta sauce, breads, soups and ice creams, this sort of thing.....
Yeah?
....I'm sorry....I lost my thoughts, what I was saying....
You were talking about the promotion --
-- the promotion says: buy any 10 Healthy Choice products and get 500 miles of airline travel or 1,000 for purchases made with a special coupon. So in the supermarket, you notice their products, first you notice they have a Teriyaki Chicken Dinner at $1.79 - that's a pretty good deal....but then I noticed they had soup at 89 cents a can.....and you start
Yeah.
That's what's used to redeem the mileage, so in noticing the pudding, each cup had an individual bar code -- in other words: Two dollars and fifty cents for ten cups of pudding is 500 miles. Add in the coupon: it's one thousand. You see?
Yeah.
You see?
Yeah, no, I see --
You see if you spent $3,000 dollars on pudding you could earn over one million frequent flyer miles.
That's insane. That is really, really crazy. That's just crazy if you spend three thousand dollars on pudding.
....yeah....
So that was your pudding?
....No....
I'm sorry. I thought you said --
No I didn't say that.
I thought you said you bought all that pudding --
My friend Carlos is doing it who works with me. It's his. It's his pudding, he's doing it. It's not mine. He's crazy. I told him not to do it. He's the one who's insane. He only spent about one hundred dollars so far though --
Is everything ok?
Yes.
What happened?
Nothing.
What did he want?
I have a better idea of where we can go.
There's a better place for us to eat.
Did something happen; are you alright?
Your portable reed organ....the piano.
Well, it's fine. Thank you.
Did you pick it up from the street?
What?
Did you take it from the street in front of your work?
...yes I did...?
Are you learning how to play it?
Yes? I'm trying.
Oh that's great.
So you must travel a lot with all that pudding you bought?
Ok....well...I'm gonna go.
...yeah...
It was nice to see you again, to see your face again, to go out with you --
I'll be around and back in town in a few days --
Yeah.
If you come to Hawaii --
Yeah, I don't know, we'll see about that.
You don't think you'll go --
I don't know.
Ok. Well call me when you get back, I mean, I'll call you when I get back. I'll be back for three weeks and then I go away for a month after that. So maybe in that time....
This is Barry.
This is Lena.
Hi.
I just wanted you to know, wherever you're going or whatever you're doing right now I want you to know that I wanted to kiss you just then.
Really?
Yeah.
That was good.
Yeah.
I'll see you later.
Ok.
I don't freak out very often.
What do you mean?
I don't, no matter what my sisters say, ok?
...I don't know what you mean....
I don't freak out.
Ok.
Have a good trip.
Hello?
Lena?
Yeah?
It's Barry.
HI. WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU HERE?
Yes.
OH WOW. YEAH. THAT'S GREAT. YOU CAME, YOU CAME. What are you doing?
I'm calling you, I'm standing in my hotel room, I came because I have my business trip --
Well let's do something do you want to do something, can you meet me?
You don't have a boyfriend or anything do you?
No. What do you mean? BARRY I just wanted to know. When was the last time you had a boyfriend?
About six months ago. Why?
I just wanted to make sure.
When was the last time you had a girlfriend?
Where you married?
yeah.
Ok. So you were married for how long?
Do you want to meet me and talk about this stuff?
You got me out of my hotel room. You came and got me out of my room.
Yeah......yeah.....
It's so nice.
Do you wanna have sex?
Oh my god, you are so adorable. I just....god dammit.
What's that? What is that that you're doing?
I just...your face is so adorable and your cheek and your skin, I wanna bite it....I wanna bite your cheek and chew on it....god damn cute....fuck....
I know what you mean, I know what you mean, I get this feeling --
...what...?
I know. I know. I know. I just wanna chew your face and scoop out your beautiful, beautiful eyes with an ice cream scooper and eat 'em and chew 'em and suck on 'em. Fuck.
This is funny.
Yeah.
Where do you have to go?
For what?
For work.....
How many times have you been on an airplane?
I think maybe over a hundred.
That's right you travel so much.
I forgot about that.
Can I come home with you when we get there?
Yeah.
It's ok to ask that.
Are you ok?
I'm fine are you ok?
Yes I'm sorry.
What is this?
Lena I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I left you at the hospital..... I called a phone sex line. I called a phone sex line before I met you and then these four blond brothers came after me and you got hurt and I'm sorry -- and I had to leave because I don't want you to get hurt again and now I'm
You left me at the hospital.
I'm sorry.
You can't do that.
Ok.
If you give me six to eight weeks I can redeem the mileage and then I can with you wherever you have to travel......
....I'm not exactly sure what that means...
If they break or something. What is it, plastic?
It's a plastic, yeah.
Right. Alright, lemme call you first thing tomorrow, I'm gonna run the numbers, see what's what and I'll give you a call back --
Did you have my home phone number?
For what?
If you wanted to call me back I could...
I'm fine, I have your work number.
Ok...because of the time difference if you needed to call me early?
It's fine. I can just get you at your office.
Ok.
Ok, bye, bye.
Why?
Yeah.
Did you do it?
No.
You didn't just smash up the bathroom?
No.
Well who did?
I don't know.
You're hand is bleeding.
I cut myself.
How?
On my knife.
Sir, a young man saw you coming out of the bathroom.
I didn't do that.
Why? ...what?
Your hand is bleeding.
I know.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Why?
Sir, I have no way of proving that you demolished the bathroom --
I didn't do it.
Alright, well you're gonna have to leave. You're gonna have to go.
Yeah, but I didn't do anything.
I'm gonna call the police then, sir.
Please don't do this to me.
The police are on their way.
Can I pay you here? Can I pay you for our drinks and salad?
Hi, this is Janice The Operator, who's this?
Hello, how are you?
Hi, is this your first time calling?
Yes it is.
Can I have your credit card number, followed by the expiration date?
Can I ask how much is this?
-- it's $2.99 per minute for the first half hour and $1.99 per minute after that.
......and this is confidential?
What do you mean?
It's....confidential, the call, my information is private.
Of course. Would you like to talk to a girl? I can connect you with a beautiful girl if I can just get your credit card number followed by the expiration date?
...3407 2627 3444 8095 expiration 05/04.
And your billing address and the name as it appears on the card?
.....1274 Moorpark. Sherman Oaks, California. #4. 91403.
And your name?
Barry Egan.
And your Social Security number.
What's that for?
It's just for verification through the credit card company.
-- and this is confidential?
Of course, it's just for us to verify your credit card information. It's completely confidential and it appears on your credit card billing statement as D&D Mattress Man.
337.....I'm sorry....
It's ok, take your time.
337-09-9876. But I don't want anyone to know my name.
No one will know your name.
Can you say that my name is Jack?
You want her to call you Jack?
I just don't want anyone to know it's me.
That's fine. Can I have a telephone number, area code first on where we can call you back?
No I just....I don't want to, I just want to be connected to talk to a girl.
It's a call back service -- a girl will call you back.
Who is this?
Hello, my name is Barry Egan and I called your service --
Why don't you shut the fuck up?
What?
I said calm down and shut the fuck up. What's your problem?
I haven't even told you what's happened. Your girl that you have that works there for you threatened me and two men just chased me -- extorted money -- DEAN Go fuck yourself that shit doesn't have anything to do with me - this is a legitimate bossiness.
YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF. MY LOVE WAS HURT, SHE GOT HURT. I AM IN LOVE WITH HER AND YOU HURT YOU AND YOU ARE GONNA FUCKING GET HURT. YOU DON'T TOUCH HER, I LOVE HER.
Now are you threatening me, dick?
You are bad. You are a bad person. you are a bad person and you have no right to take people's confidence in your service --
You better watch your mouth, cunt, you're gonna get hurt.
NO. NO. DON'T YOU SAY THAT.
I'll say whatever I want --
YOU FUCK OFF. YOU FUCK OFF AND DIE I WILL HURT YOU FOR HURTING HER. YOU HURT HER.
I'm a nice and reasonable man. I didn't do anything wrong. Please don't make me hurt you. And I'm telling you: that if you ever hurt me or if you hurt someone that I love.....I will hurt you many, many, many times over.....because it's not right to take people's trust.
You came all the way from Los Angeles to tell me that?
Can we agree that that is that?
That's that.
You do guaranteed sale? etc.
Yes.....we do ask for....30 to 60 days....
Sorry about that.
I didn't know you had a sister?
How many sisters do you have?
How you doin' Barry?
Hi Walter.
How's business?
Yeah.
That was weird. I meant good.
What's up?
Well I'm sorry. Before...
Mhm.
And I'm sorry that I did that.
It's alright.
I wanted to ask you because you're a doctor, right?
Yeah.
I don't like the way I am sometimes. Can you help me? WALTER Barry, I'm a dentist, what kind of help do you think I can give you?
I know that. Maybe you know other doctors?
Like a psychiatrist?
I don't have anyone to talk to things about and I understand it's confidential with a doctor - I'm embarrassed about that and I don't want my sisters to know?
You want a number for a psychiatrist, I can get you one, that's not a problem. but what exactly is wrong?
This is Janice the operator, who's this?
...no....I don't....I don't remember you. Who's this?
That's not true. That's not true at all. You said that your name was Georgia and you said our conversation was confidential and I trusted you and you kept calling and asking me for money, c'mon now I want to talk to your owner, your supervisor, whoever runs this, you understand. Please connect me now.
Ok, sir....I'm gonna put you through to my supervisor.
Fine, thank you.
No, no, no, no, no. What do you mean? It doesn't state anywhere about six to eight weeks.
It takes that much time to process the order and make sure it's valid --
I had this whole thing in my head, I was gonna be able to get this to you today -- I have to leave today --
I'm sorry.
How am I supposed to know what to do if you don't say it -- if it's not in your rules and regulations in your fine print how am I supposed to know how to be with this --
It takes time to process --
Hey, good morning, Barry.
Hey...Lance....can I.....
You ok?
Yes I'm fine.
Why you wearin' a suit?
Um....I bought one. I thought maybe it would be nice to get dressed for work, can I show you something?
Yeah.....you got here early huh?
What is this?
I don't know. I think it's a piano....a small piano.
Why is it here? Barry....Barry?
Good morning, Barry....
Hi, Lance.
That's part of a very interesting airline promotion giveaway that's really tremendous. I'm going to start a collection of pudding and coupons that can be redeemed for frequent flyer miles through Healthy Choice and American Airlines --
You're goin' on a trip?
No.........but airline miles are just like a currency these days.
You should go on a trip.
No thanks.
So what should I do with the pudding?
It's not a piano. LANCE! LANCE! MAKE SURE THAT YOU CALL THAT GUY IN TOLEDO.
WHICH?
Which guy in Toledo are you talking about?
I'll tell you...the guy...with...just talk to me later about it, ok?
You talkin' to me about Ramada Inn?
What's up?
I think I got in trouble. A little bit of trouble....
What happened?
Ok. Well. I'm gonna go out of town. I'm going to go out of town just for two days...
Where you goin?
I'm going to go to Hawaii but you can't tell my sisters that.
Wow, you're goin' to Hawaii, that's great -- you're goin -- ?
Yeah but you can't tell my sisters that.
Ok.
Alright: And I have to go and buy some more pudding for this trip to Hawaii and as I just said that out loud I'm realizing it sounds a little strange but it's not. So can you come and help me out?
You know you can get places in the world with pudding. That's funny.
Yeah.
....now: this pudding?
Yeah.
Where you been?
Hey.
Hi.
I need to talk to you for a second.
What?
You made a phone call and you said you'd help a girl out and then you didn't....I'm here to get the money.
Wait a minute --
No, no, no, no c'mon man, don't make it a thing --
Please don't do this.
Whoa...whoa...wait, wait -- don't please....
How much money do you have in your pockets?
It's three hundred and twenty dollars, just take it.
What do you have in the house?
Nothing....I mean, really...change, nothing....that's the cash I have....
You have an ATM?
Yes.
Is this where you live?
Yes.
You have another house somewhere or something?
HEY. You made a fucking sex call and now you're gonna pay. It's not a big thing -- just give us some money and then it's over -- we'll just walk down to the ATM and get your money out --
Ok. This is what you get when you're a pervert -- you said you'd help someone out and you didn't so we're just getting some money for her and that's that.
They need to be scanned individually. They each have a bar code, so I need it scanned individually so that each and every cup appears on the receipt...
What is this, man?
I'm sorry.
Are you serious with this?
Yes. Sorry.
Well....what do you want, then?
Each pudding cup has to be scanned individually so that...it's for a giveaway...a product giveaway by this company...
This is a bunch of bullshit.
This is Barry.
What are you doing?
Hi, Kathleen, I'm just working.
Are you going to the party tonight?
Yes I am.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Right now, you're doing nothing?
I'm just talking on the phone to you and standing.
What time are you gonna be there?
Seven o'clock.
You can't be late.
I won't.
I'm serious.
I know.
Seriously.
Ok.
You can't be late though.
I know.
You can't just not show up like you do, you have to go.
I know.
Seriously.
I know.
You can't just stay in your house.
I know.
Yeah but I'm serious.
Ok.
I'll see you there.
I'll see you there.
Don't puss out.
I don't really remember that.
Yes you do. We were calling you Gay Boy and you got so mad....
That's cool.
When can you leave?
As soon as you want.
Your expenses are your own.
I thought Latisha said you would --
-- she didn't know what she was talking about --
It's....whatever....that's not cool.
This is this place called Ace Vintage, you gotta find it, I don't know exactly where this is and I don't understand these maps so just go there and check it out. It's a '61 AC Cobra that this old guy says is fine, but I need to figure out why he's only asking 23 for it. So take a look, the whole thing,
Ok.
That's it.
So they'll go.
...keys for the track. You have to gas it up and save the receipts on that. His address. We have a business address too if you need that -- but hit him at his house first, see what this little bad boy is all about and shake him up -- give him a little doe-see-doe --
Uch. Shut up, Dean.
What's the problem?
Hello?
Hey, it's me. This guy from L.A., Barry Egan is calling on the other line and saying all this stuff, he wants to talk to a supervisor or whatever --
What did you say?
Nothing.
Put him through.
No, no. This is bad, something might have happened, we should just --
He's wearing a suit again, I don't know why he's wearing a suit, he doesn't usually dress like that --
It's ok. That's alright.
I'll go pay for my car.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
He's being weird, I'm sorry. I have no idea why he's being weird and dressed in a suit --
It's not bad, it's ok.
-- he's so strange I don't know if you really even would want to go out with him, someone like him, I said I'd try, but it's just --
It's ok, it's alright. I'll come right back, I'll just go pay for my car.
We should be going --
I can't find that thing in my car, I can't find it so I'll just get it and give it to you later. So?
You ready?
Are you ready?
Will you call me later to talk about asking Walter for the shrink? And we can talk about - he said you have this crying problem or something?
So I'll meet you at the restaraunt?
They need to see the new 484's to make sure it works with their OC....
Ok. What should I do about Eric?
Just tell him to call me.
Ok.
So...did my brother call you?
No.
I have no idea what he's doing then. I'm sorry that didn't work out.
It's fine.
You wouldn't want to go out with him anyway, honestly, he's such a freak sometimes.
He did seem a little strange.
Well...he's not that strange, don't say that.
I'm sorry. You're right.
I think he's weird, but that's me.
Should I call you later?
I'll just see you when you get back here.
Welcome to Charenton, Abbe du Maupas.
I'm pleased to have the new post, sir.
-- and the listless ones do the binding.
It's remarkable, Doctor. The patients are so subdued; so docile.
I don't believe it. The Marquis de Sade? You're actually publishing his novels?
Of course, everything's not as harmonious as it seems. I hope you've a strong constitution.
My years tending the lepers at St. Emilion steeled me for life's grisliest offerings, Doctor.
"And so the Professor lifted Colombe's skirt high, above her waist. 'Let me be your Tutor,' said he, 'in the ways of love.' With that, he slid her pantalettes down, down, down over her knees, and there -- nestled between her legs -- as pink as a tulip, as slick as an eel --"
We oughtn't be reading his nasty stories --
You've been to his quarters, haven't you?
Once or twice.
I hear he's got a whetstone and chisel, and he uses them to sharpen his teeth.
He's a writer, not a madman.
If you're going to slander him, then you don't deserve to hear his stories --
Marquis? Is that you?
For fuck's sake, who else would it be? The witching hour's arrived; you've alerted the others, yes?
Yes, well, I awoke to discover I'd turned into a cat. If you don't do as I say, I'll sink my little fangs into your drumsticks, and suck the marrow straight out of your bones.
At your service, Count.
"One day, Fanchon's first client was a surgeon. He ran his fingers across her naked skin, pulling apart folds of flesh, inspecting each and every follicle..."
"With that, Fanchon expelled a scream so extravagantly pitched, that the surgeon was obliged to tear out her tongue --"
"To seal the wound, he took a poker from the fire --"
Then how can we know who is truly good, and who is evil?
Madeleine --
Yes, Abbe?
Has he hurt you?
I was wrong to free him, but so are you -- for taking all his treasures -- his quills and his ink --
Had I known your taste in novels, I never would've taught you to read.
Don't say that; reading's my salvation.
But why must you indulge in his pornography?
Ow!
But why heap such ghastly fantasies atop an already ghastly existence?
I put myself in his stories. I play the parts. Each strumpet, each murderess.
Why not act the role of heroines instead? Queen Esther from the Bible, or St. Joan?
In part, yes.
The Doctor's a respected man, a friend of the court --
I haven't been to see the Marquis for ages. And I won't -- ever again -- I swear it. I won't speak to him, I won't even utter his name --
Charenton has changed; it's not safe for you here.
Don't turn us out, Abbe.
It's a sin against God for me to refuse your kindness. But my heart's held fast here...
By whom? The Marquis?
Madeleine, I... there are certain things... feelings... we must not voice.
Why not?
Go back to your room. Quickly.
What? What've I done?
Don't come back, not tonight, not again --
If you'd grant me a final favor, I'd like the chance to explain myself --
They've got no right, sending someone to sit on your shoulder. I work for you; I won't take orders from a stranger.
Free his mouth.
Mustn't do that, sir.
I must grant him his last rites.
I don't take my orders from you; not anymore.
Care for a splash of wine, Abbe?
It's not even noon --
I should've told you it was the blood of Christ; you'd believe that, wouldn't you?
We treat you well enough here, don't we Marquis? Your very own featherbed, in lieu of a straw mat. Your antique writing desk, all the way from LaCoste. Enough quills to feather an ostrich --
It's true, dear-heart, you've spoiled me pink.
In exchange, we ask only that you follow the rules. Now you know as well as I do... you're not to entertain visitors in your quarters.
I'm entertaining you now, aren't I?
I'm not a beautiful young prospect, ripe for corruption.
Take your pen in hand, Marquis. Purge these wicked thoughts of yours on paper; maybe they'll govern you less in life.
Yes! It is! The paper's cheap, the type's too small --
What did you do? Bribe one of the guards?
But you implored me to write! For curative purposes, to stave off my madness --
But you've no right to publish! Behind my back, without my sanction!
Have you truly read the book in question? Or did you run -- straightaway -- to the dog-eared pages?
Enough to discern its tenor.
And --?
It's not even a proper novel! It's nothing but an encyclopedia of perversions! Frankly, it even fails as an exercise in craft. The characters are wooden; the dialogue is inane. Not to mention the endless repetition of words like "nipple" and "pikestaff" --
There I was taxed; it's true.
And such puny scope! Nothing but the very worst in man's nature!
I write of the great, eternal truths that bind together all mankind! The whole world over, we eat, we shit, we fuck, we kill and we die.
But we also fall in love; we build cities, we compose symphonies, and we endure. Why not put that in your books as well?
It's a fiction, not a moral treatise.
But isn't that the duty of art? To elevate us above the beast?
I thought that was your duty, Abbe, not mine.
One more trick like this, and I'll be forced to revoke all your liberties!
It's that Doctor fellow, isn't it? He's come to usurp your place here, hasn't he?
More than your writing's at stake. The Ministry has threatened us with closure.
They can't be serious.
Our future lies in the stroke of your pen.
Mightier than the sword indeed.
Put yourself in my place. I've your fellow patients to consider. If Charenton falls, they've no place to go. No manner in which to clothe or feed themselves --
Fuck 'em! They're half-wits and pinheads. Let 'em die on the streets, as Nature intended.
You've a touch of the poet, too; perhaps you should take up the quill.
If you only mean to dupe me again --
You mean to take us all down with you?
He can't do that to me.
How can one man possibly be so selfish?
What the devil --
Perhaps -- in time -- you'll earn them back through good behavior --
You can't --! You mustn't --! I've all the demons of hell in my head; my only salvation is to vent them on paper --
Start with the Bible; it's cheerier, and more artfully written.
That monstrous God of yours? He strung up his very own son like a side of veal; I shudder to think what He'd do to me.
I'll die of loneliness! I've no company but the characters I create --
I have a proposition.
You always do.
Madeleine. She's besotted with me; she'd do anything I ask. She could pay you a midnight visit --
I don't know who you insult more; her or me.
"Part the gates of heaven," as it were --
That's enough.
You're tense, darling. You could use a long, slow screw.
Good day, Marquis.
My bed, gone! Am I to freeze to death?
His rug.
That's a Turkish weave, you numbskull; it costs more than you'll earn in your lifetime --
Virgin birth -- ha! An entire religion, built on an oxymoron!
Orvolle. His wine. From now on, nothing but water at every meal --
-- water! --
WHY THIS SUDDEN TORTURE?
I DIDN'T CREATE THIS WORLD OF OURS! I ONLY RECORD IT!
Its horrors, perhaps! Its darkest nightmares! And to what end? Nothing but your own morbid gratification --
If it were up to the Doctor, you'd be flayed alive.
A man after my own heart...
What in God's name am I to do with you? The more I forbid, the more you're provoked!
I could be convinced to abandon my writing, quite voluntarily.
What on earth would that require?
A night spent with the partner of my choice.
You expect me to pimp Madeleine?
OFF WITH YOUR CLOTHES!
Coulmier, you animal!
I DO NOT MEAN TO FLIRT, MARQUIS!
Oh, but you must, my pumpkin! Sex without flirtation is merely rape!
It's a potent aphrodisiac, isn't it? Power over another man.
Oh, I'm to be blamed now, am I?
Your words drove Bouchon to --
For fuck's sake, Abbe! What am I to do? Police my readers as you police me? Suppose one of your precious wards had attempted to walk on water and drowned? Would you condemn the Bible? I think not!
An innocent child is dead.
It's no secret that you loved her.
Oh, that's rich -- coming from her lapdog --
I saw the longing in your eye --
-- that was lust --
Don't confuse one organ with another --
I know, because I felt it myself --
I WANTED TO FUCK HER, THAT'S ALL!
AND DID YOU?
IT'S NOT YOUR PROVINCE TO ASK.
You're no stranger to rape, Marquis; and yet with her, you cooed. You courted. You begged.
Go to hell!
Why was it you never took her by force?
Who's to say I did not?
Was it impotence?
NEVER!
I FUCKED HER COUNTLESS TIMES! IN EVERY ORIFICE! AND ALL THE WHILE, SHE PLEAD FOR MORE --
I dare you. Stab my flesh. Which one of us will bleed?
Abbe de Coulmier!
I'm here.
Surely you'll grant me a final word.
Dr. Royer-Collard? May I be the first to welcome you to Charenton --
This may feel a tad awkward, my friend, but it needn't be. I've merely come to oversee your work here; understood?
Of course.
It's a formality; truly.
You're a man of Science; I'm a man of God. Charenton stands to profit from us both, I'm certain.
I'll need an office on the grounds; someplace to store my things.
If you don't mind my asking... why has the Emperor taken such sudden interest in my... our... affairs?
I understand he practices the very crimes he preaches in his fiction.
Indiscretions, Abbe? Please. I've read his case history. At sixteen, he violated a serving girl with a crucifix. After six months in the dungeon at Vincennes, he mutilated a prostitute, cutting her flesh with a razor, then cauterizing the wounds with wax --
He's made a great success of our Little Theater; there's seldom an empty seat. Not to mention its therapeutic value.
Why is he in your care, and not a proper prison?
His wife's influence.
His wife's?
And he's never once attempted escape?
Besides, every wholesome thing he might desire, he has at Charenton. A library, filled with the world's great books, music lessons, watercolor exercises --
What is the impact of all these amenities upon his psyche?
He no longer roars or spits. He no longer taunts the guards or molests his fellow wards --
Oh. That.
Well...?
It's essential to his recovery; a purgative for the toxins in his mind.
Do you favor its publication?
You have to believe me, I had no idea --
All France is aghast at this book, yet you've not heard of it?
I've taken vows to live my life within these walls; not outside them.
Abbe, I admire you; I do. You've a conviction... an idealism... peculiar to the very young. And so I'll be candid. The Ministry has sent me here with the most explicit... the most severe instructions.
Unless we set Charenton on a straight and narrow course, she'll be shut down forever by order of the Emperor.
Shut down?
In their eyes, the Marquis is the surest barometer of your progress here.
But he's one among some two hundred wards --
Have you tried bleeding him with leeches? The calming chair? Maybe you should flog him at the stake?
Why? So he'll learn to fear punishment, rather than pursue virtue for its own reward?
You're a sentimental man.
A practical man, sir. Given the Marquis' unusual tastes, a sound thrashing on bare flesh may not qualify as a deterrent.
On the contrary. Let me take up this matter with the Marquis myself --
And place my reputation at stake?
Well?
I spoke to him with reason and compassion; the tools which serve us best here.
And --?
He's more than a patient, Doctor; the Marquis is my friend --
You keep strange company, Abbe. But if you truly have matters in hand here --
I have.
Madame Bougival; Mademoiselle Clairwil -- and of course -- the Marquis' wife --
It was fiction, of course.
Of course.
It was not inspired by circumstance.
You ought to be ashamed, Abbe. Exploiting those drooling, pathetic cretins for financial gain --
That's not our intent --
I'll do everything in my power --
You'll get more from her with kindness than you will with force.
He'll do no such thing.
It's a weak man who tests his mettle on the backs of children --
This child let loose the beast from its cage --
If only blood will appease you, then shed mine.
As you say, Doctor.
Perhaps you'll be so kind as to remind me of her name...
I beg you, Doctor, don't make me say it.
My, my. You have exceeded my expectations.
And my own.
How is the patient faring?
Poorly.
And you? It must've been an ordeal.
I'm not the first man God has asked to shed blood in His name. I will not be the last.
Will you sleep soundly tonight?
I've stared into the face of evil... ...and I've lived to tell the tale. Now... for your own sake... let me write it down.
"As he loosened his manhood from beneath his robes, The Bishop muttered a Latin prayer. And then -- with a mighty thrust -- drove it into her very entrails --"
As for the author... shoot him.
A word of caution, Sire: we all remember what happened to Robespierre, Danton and Marat. Put the Marquis to death, and history might even regard you as a despot.
But I am history.
Of course, Your Highness. Nevertheless... cure the Marquis de Sade... succeed, where countless physicians and priests have failed...
Yes?
But here at the Hotel Dieu we favor an... aggressive... course of treatment.
Quite.
Charenton? The administrator there is quite well-loved, is he not?
I'm afraid so; he's an idealist. You'll have to be politic.
His wife was trying to escape; they caught her on the stair, and set upon her with bayonets. "There but for the grace of God"... eh, Doctor?
Here it is; the last chapter.
Monsieur Masse says he'd like another manuscript, quick as you please. He's got himself three presses, and he can't print 'em fast enough.
I'll pass the word on, then.
I'll pay you another visit, with a share of the profits, once its sold.
I'll be waiting.
You asked my name once; it's Madeleine.
At last she arrives, my hard-won bride! Hurry, my child, and scurry inside. There you'll find such treasures await you; Marzipan and meringue to sate you!
Quickly, my suckling, out of your clothes! My scepter awaits; how solid it grows!
My darling, Eugenie, dainty morsel! Get on your back! Let's try it dorsal!
I'll plunder every lovely pore until you're week and cry "no more!"
I tremble with fear! You're bound to pound the quivering lips of my Venus mound!
And then -- to prove your truly mine -- I'll plunder you, darling, from behind!
What of my lips, will you soil them too? When you've broken every other taboo?
If you won't read it to your own Mama, then perhaps you ought not to be reading it at all.
It's not your cup of tea, Mama.
"A habituè of cemeteries, his proudest conquest was a maid six decades his senior, deceased a dozen years."
Oh, it's terrible! It's too, too terrible! Well. Go on.
"The vigor with which he made love caused her bones to dislodge. Still, he granted her the highest compliment he accorded any woman..."
Yes?
I'm only a laundress; not a detective.
You're more than a priest; you're an angel! Ain't he, Maddy?
I'm hungry for a proper visit.
Don't start --
Did I frighten you?
You? Frighten me? That's a good one! I'm twice as fast as you are. Who'd have thought such a spent body can still boast such a fertile mind?
It's the only frontier I have left, plumcake.
The peril of composing such incendiary prose...
If only these coins purchased your other talents, too.
There's something else I want from you.
You've already stolen my heart, as well as another more prominent organ, south of the Equator...
Your publisher says I'm not to leave without a new manuscript.
The unhappy tale of a virginal laundry lass, the darling of the lower wards, where they entomb the criminally insane.
Is it awfully violent?
Most assuredly.
Is it terribly erotic?
A kiss for each page.
Must I administer them directly, or might I blow them?
The price, my coquette, is every bit as firm as I am...
It's a long story, this one.
The climax comes at a higher cost; you must sit on my lap.
The story's thrilling conclusion comes at a premium.
What have they done to you now?
My newest book begins at my right cuff, continues across my back, and completes itself at the base of my left shoe...
They've taken your clothes?
Surely you've seen a man naked.
I must say, in your novels you stoke the most unrealistic expectations.
The Abbe's sending me away. He fears for me here, what with the likes of you --
Don't be fooled, Madeleine! He fears for himself. He's like a man starving, and you -- ha! -- you're like a pork chop dolloped with heavy cream --
He's a man of God; he's true to his vows.
It needn't be; not if you've another story.
How do you propose I write it? With dust, upon the air?
Yes; that's it! A final volley from us both!
Go on, child.
Tomorrow night, whisper a new tale to your neighbor, Cleante. He'll whisper it to his neighbor Dauphin, who'll whisper it to his neighbor Franval --
-- who'll whisper it to Bouchon --
-- whose cell lies next to the linen cabinet! There, armed with a quill of my own, I'll commit it to paper!
Yes! You shall. Of course you shall --
A tale more horrible than all the rest combined!
...yes, I've got that bit...
"...your wife."
Tell him I'm no fool. A prison's still a prison, even with Chinese silk and chandeliers.
"By the time you read this, we'll be long gone; bound for England or points beyond..."
Tell him -- if he uncovers our whereabouts -- you'll slit your wrists with a razor, and I'll plunge a hat- pin through my heart.
You'd do that, rather than forsake our love?
It is customary to write first, and request an appointment --
Desperation has driven me past etiquette, all the way to frenzy.
I beg to differ, Doctor. You work in a madhouse. Your every waking moment is governed by the insane.
I pray you: be succinct.
You're new to Charenton, yes? Perhaps you're not yet familiar with my husband, and his unusual case.
I assume you've come to plead for clemency on your husband's behalf.
You're aware, are you not, that it costs a great deal to house your husband at Charenton...
I pay his stipend every month, far more dutifully than I should.
Perhaps if you were to buttress your entreaties with the means to oblige them...
I am not a wealthy woman.
But you've a pension, haven't you, from the sale of his books?
It's tainted money, Doctor.
What a beautiful thought, Marquise.
What thought is that?
If you're truly determined to step out of the shadow of your husband's celebrity --
Oh, but I am!
-- words alone are insufficient.
Don't toy with me, Doctor.
I am eternally in your debt.
And I in yours.
Doctor... Can I impart to you his cruelest trick?
Of course.
Good God, Marquise --
This is neither the time nor the place --
If only you'd remained true to our contract! Opiates, for his nerves! Restraints! The man warrants a bed of nails --
You've no right to assault me in this fashion; I'll call for my footman. I'll have you removed --
Public scorn carries a terrible sting. Trust me. I'm a woman who knows.
It's libelous; you wouldn't dare.
Hm? Tell me. What other treats?
For fuck's sake, woman! BONBONS? I'm to sit here, gorging myself on useless trifles, sucking down your little sweetmeats, when what I truly need -- what I truly require -- are a few quill pens? Perhaps a pot of ink?
How was I to know, my darling?
I beg you, Donatien... as your wife... your only ally... you must stop making such a monstrous spectacle of yourself.
You've come to lecture me?
To flaunt your deviance in public? Upon a stage?
They've put you up to this, haven't they?
Everywhere I go, they point and whisper! At the opera, they hiss at me when I take my box. When I went to church... the priest refused to even hear my confession; he said I was already damned! Why must I suffer for your sins?
It's the way of all martyrs, isn't it?
Tell me; have you done anything to secure my release? NO! Have you petitioned the court? NEVER! Sought audience with the Emperor --
He refuses to be seen in my company! He blanches at the mention of your name --
Leave at once --
But it's just begun --
Doesn't that please you?
Very much.
I'd prefer to have our brandy in the salon. There we can sit... side-by- side... before the fire.
I'd rather read, thank-you.
Ever met Walter Winchell?
No, when I was but a tender lad--
So you ever gonna do a picture?
Not you too
It's gonna be fine, Orson. You're gonna do great.
I wonder sometimes.
You're just scared.
Of being found out. Of not being a genius
Oh, but haven't you heard? I'm the Boy Wonder. I've been a genius since the moment I was born.
We've known each other too long, Orson. Sling the bullshit elsewhere.
Carole, you wound me! As if I could hope to pacify you with evasions of--
That poor woman.
And we would hear them scuttling around at night with their little red eyes and little yellow t-t- teeth and I'm just imagining plague lice jumpin' all over the damn place So we set t-t-traps everywhere. And every morning we would find the t-t-traps sprung but no mice!
God, these parties are the worst
You need to get outta here, Rapunzel
That's why he has the parties, he says it's like bringing the world to me.
Why don't you come down to LA? Stay with us for a while.
It's not so bad here. After all, what girl doesn't want to live in a castle?
Mr. Welles certainly is a caution
Yeah, Orson's a real piece of work. But deep down, he's a good kid. Real deep down.
And attractive in a hammy sort of way.
Listen, you come down and stay with us for a few days. Just tell the old man that--
I can't
Sure you can, just--
When I met him I was just 20. And he was 55. I saw the gold ring and just grabbed on. And he was going to make me a star.
I did my best but, well, you know me
Sure
Thing that bothers me now, though, looking back is that I really think I could have been something ... special.
Thinking like that is only gonna drive you nuts You were a great star and you had a good run. That oughta be enough.
Yeah. But all of a sudden it's not
You know this CITIZEN KANE picture? About Pops and everything?
Uh-huh
The character that's supposed to be me, Susan Alexander--
Marion, everyone knows you're not like that--
Who are you, sir?
My name is Orson Welles
The actor
And director.
I see. And you are in California for what reason?
Well, I wish you luck. It is a treacherous business.
So I've been told.
In Hollywood the fiercest bulls are the most brutally killed.
I wonder. Do you have any idea what you have done?
Do you?
Intimately. For every sin you have placed on my head I could give you a hundred others. I have been swimming in blood my entire life. But I retain a belief, perhaps you will think it old fashioned, undoubtedly you will, but I believe that private lives should not be public property.
Elegant words, sir, when you have made your name and your fortune on slander and innuendo and gossip. In your papers you taught the world how to look under every rock. I learned at the knee of the master.
Louis
Randolph!
Quite. And this is why I came to visit. Have you heard about this CITIZEN KANE picture?
Mm. Not a very good picture I am told.
Uh-hub.
Apparently it details the exploits of a publisher like myself. Entirely too much like myself. Do you follow so far?
And maybe we could get Mr. Warner and Mr. Goldwyn and Mr. Cohn and Mr. Selznick to play as well.
You know that can't happen.
Oh, why is that?
Why is that, Louis?
See what you can do about this CITIZEN KANE picture, won't you?
Goddamn it. I gotta have some kinda life!
There's no call for that language-
This is supposed ta be Siam or some such. Some kinda lousy B-B-Balinese temple. This look like a temple to you? I can't see it myself--
There. That's right.
She's a Catholic. She says it would put her soul in peril. Divorce is a very serious sin, apparently.
The Journal was pretty harsh to Roosevelt today.
You oughta lay off him -- he is the p-p-president, after all.
He is a Bolshevik. He will have us at war by the end of the year. I think I'm going to run that wheelchair picture.
How bad is it?
Nothing for you to worry about, darling
The S.E.C. has turned down my request for relief on the debts.
How much?
It's not really--
We're 125 million dollars in debt?
How does one get 125 million dollars in debt?
Well -- he got us, didn't he? She stands and goes quickly to pour a drink. A forced laugh
Nailed us, hub? The crazy old man and his whore.
Marion--
Bought and p-p-paid for. Just like one of his goddamn statues. Well at least in the movie he married her!
This picture--
Then you explain it to me?!
There's nothing to explain
A million dollars a year on art and st-st-statues and there's nothing to explain?!
I will not defend my life to you--
I'm not asking you to defend anything. But we're in a pickle and we gotta talk about it.
We are in no "pickle" -- as you would euphemistically have it.
You gotta wake up now. Pops.
There is nothing to discuss-
You don't have any money left, okay?! That's the truth. I don't wanna say it, nobody else will say it, but it's the truth. You spent it all. You can't buy the Tribune in Chicago -- you can't buy ^ g-g- goddamn thing. Now you better face up to it--
You are being typically theatrical, Marion. I need the Tribune to--
That -- did you need that? How much did that cost?
It's 12th Century. From Deauville -- in France.
I know where Deauville is for C-C-Christ's sake.
You needn't use that language with me
Did you need it? Did you need any of it?
I wanted it
There's a different between want and
Not for me.
That's right. You've captured me exactly. Goodnight.
You will not walk out on me
You are repellant when you drink.
Tough shit. We need to t-t-talk about this--
Fuck you, Mr. Kane.
I will not have this in my home.
I just want to understand--
No, you don't. You want to condemn me, like everyone else. You want to point to the pathetic, old man grown lunatic with his spending -- trapped in his ridiculous
castle -- still fighting old battles he will never win with Pulitzer and Roosevelt and Hollywood--
I don't want you to--
It's all you. It has the political campaigns and the mining fortune and the war with Pulitzer and the castle. And ... Marion.
How so?
The jigsaw puzzles and the, urn, career -- the man spending a fortune to make her a star -- only it's opera and not movies. And...
Yes?
Thank you for your time
Miss Parsons, I have one additional question for you.
Sir?
Why did we not know about this sooner?
Sir?
I pay you a good deal of money to be my eyes and ears in Hollywood, do I not? If you cannot provide this simple service you are of no use to me.
Sir, I-
He lied to me
He looked into my face and told me it wasn't about you.
I want blood
"Well, if you got drunk to talk to me about Miss Alexander, don't bother. I'm not interested. I've set back the sacred cause of reform, is that it? All right, if that's the way they want it, the people have made their choice. It's obvious the people prefer Jim Gettys to me."
Keep filming.
I can't remember the lines!
This is the chance you've been waiting for, boy. Tell that son of a bitch just what you think of him!
You're not going to get another chance, boy! Look right at the monster and you tell him--
"You don't care about anything except you. You just want to persuade people that you
love them so much that they ought to love you back. Only you want love on your own terms. "
Tome it's a question of truth and illusion. Don't you get tired of the errant falsity in motion pictures?
Huh?
Now, Orson, you know I'm just dyin' to see your picture and I know it's gonna be boffo, but you're writing about a publisher, right?
We're using-
You're not doin' Hearst, are you?
Good God no! The character is a delicious amalgamation of various press barons--
That's right. A symphony of those: vaunted and valued tellers-of-truth. Those heroic minutemen standing sentry on our liberties--
Orson, hold on. Look into my eyes. Tell me you are not doing Hearst.
Schaefer, I gotta see this Welles picture
Louella, hello, I was just fixing a drink, would you like--?
You drink at 10 am, do you?
No -- no -- I mean--
I wanna see the picture today
That might be a tad difficult because Orson is scoring the picture now and he's very particular about the music--
Cut the malarkey, buddy. The boss himself wants me to see the picture today.
He personally asked you to?
Hearst?
That's right, fella, no Hearst paper will run an RKO ad until you agree that CITIZEN KANE will never see the light of day.
Louella, please, be reasonable, I understand you have problems with Orson's picture but maybe we can work something out--
Nix, sweetie. You shelve it
Oh for God's sake, Louella-
And Mr. Hearst has authorized me to tell you that you're looking at the most beautiful lawsuit in history if you release this picture. He'll bleed your little studio dry and you can all go on back to New York and do Shakespeare with the Boy Wonder.
Can I talk to Hearst?
I don't know what you expected with Joseph- fucking-Conrad for Chrissake. I mean this is Hollywood, pal.
All right! Enough! I've heard this from Schaefer and RKO. I've heard it from everyone--
But you keep coming up with the same elitist crap - - HEART OF DARKNESS with a million dollar budget?! - - no one wants to see that.
What are movies about, Orson?
Forget it-
What are movies about?
Telling stories.
Nope.
Showing life
Magic
Butts on seats. That's what movies are about. You got one job in Hollywood -- everyone has the same job, in fact -- putting the butts on the seats. You gotta sell 'em popcorn and Pepsi- cola. It's all about popcorn and Pepsi-cola.
Not for me.
Then you better get ready to be the youngest never- was in Hollywood history.
That's better than being the oldest has-been in Hollywood history.
So, we've got to come up with our movie. Our biography.
Right-
We find the man and then we dissect him-
Like a bug.
But with compassion and insight--
How about Howard Hughes? We could do Hughes
I'm not fucking with Hughes. That shit-kicker would kill us dead, baby. Just like Jean Harlow
Howard Hughes killed Jean Harlow?
Sigmund Freud?
Manolete?!
Who the hell's Manolete?
The great Spanish bullfighter
I don't wanna write about no spic.
The man doesn't allow drinking or cigars? This is monstrous.
The old man has his own way of doing things
Look at those hands. Those are the hands of an artist. A modern Caravaggio.
"In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree. . . "How big is it, all told? The estate?
The whole joint is half the size of Rhode Island.
Jesus
Mank! You scoundrel! What took you so long?!
Here you are, up with the birds for once, you vampire!
Okay, boy wonder, what?
Oh for Christ's sake-
I know who we're going to get I The great American biography! A journey into the soul of the beast.
This better be good
Image a man that has shaped his time. A titanic figure of limitless influence. Think about empire. A man with an empire at his feet. A man, like a baron, living in a palace, a glorious palace on a hill, and controlling the permutations of everyone beneath him. Feudal.
Oh Christ...
Image the possibilities as this man controls the public perception of the nation through his--
Yes.
Please don't say this.
Mank-
Don't whisper it. Don't even think it
How long have we spent casting our minds about the world when the answer to our prayers was right here under our noses -- every single day in the newspapers and on the radio -- waiting for us in that ridiculous castle! Waiting for--!
Now remember he's a public figure who sought out that publicity so legally he can't stop us from--
Listen to you. You child! Men like him don't bother with things like legality. They don't have to. You know why, boy-o? Power. Power like you couldn't even begin to imagine.
Howard Hughes, he would just kill us. Hearst he would kill us and fuck everything we ever loved.
You may think you know what you're talking about, kid, but believe me, you don't. You're talking about going into a battle you can never win on a battlefield so far above things like movies and Hollywood that Hearst won't even have to glance down when he crushes you. When he flicks you away with one finger. I'm talking about money and influence and
So speaks the court jester.
Fuck you
I expected more from you.
Sorry to disappoint.
I remember a man who wrote I He was a brilliant writer who dazzled me time and time again with his wit and insight--
Don't do this
Where did he go? He hasn't had a screen credit in four years--
Don't do this
Let me out.
Listen to me-
Fuck you--
I am giving you the last chance you will ever have to be yourself again!
I don't have it anymore?!
When I was a kid I wanted to scorch the world too - - I had all kinda dreams about making great pictures and telling great stories. But all that's finished for me--
It doesn't have to be
And yeah, sure, Hearst's a great subject. Been keeping notes on him for years for my ... great American novel. But I can't do it anymore. No studio's gonna hire me and I - -
I'll hire you -- right now-
I can't do it. okay?! I drink too much -- I drink all the fucking time and I don't have it anymore. All that is over for me--
He'll destroy us.
So, who is he? We have to know him.
Everyone sees someone different. That's what we show.
How?
The key -- the key -- the clue -- what does this man recall on his death bed? Okay, Mank, you're dying. What's the last image that comes to you? Right now.
This girl on a dock. White dress. Never said a word to her.
Why her?
All men love. But men like Hearst -- they don't bother with convention because--
They don't have to.
Hearst looks down at the world at his feet Everything has always been beneath him.
And what does he see?
The people. When they pay him homage, he adores them. But when they have the ... audacity to question him. To doubt him. To embarrass him. Then he despises them.
It's 350 pages long.
Yeah, but the margins are real wide.
It's good, huh?
Good?! Good?! Words fail you at last! It's terrific! Now I'll have to do some shaping, of course, and some of the scenes aren't exactly . . . exactly . . .
What?
Short enough. But this is a grand start And I think we need to change the name.
The title?
No, AMERICAN is a blessed title directly sent from God's soul to your mind. We shall never change that! I mean the name of the publisher. Charles Foster Craig doesn't have the knives-out poetry I need. I was thinking about "Kane" -- you like that?
Cain -- like the Bible guy?
K-A-N-E. One strong syllable. Kane I
Craig is one syllable
I --um-- I don't know if I should. I ain't been drinking since I started on this--
Jesus Christ --
And I'm looking at them -- and they're all looking at me and I don't know who should pour the tea. '
Uh huh.
I want you back
Fuck you. You wanted me out. I'm out.
I'm sorry.
Did I ever tell you about my father?
I don't give a shit about-
Hey, kid. Gregg.
Mank, sit down. You missed the opening of the new picture but I'll go back--
No, but I can imagine. What am I today? A "puny upstart" or a "spoiled dilettante" -- no, she wouldn't know how to spell that
"And how is the country to feel when this industry continues to employ bedraggled foreigners and swarthy refugees instead of real Americans? Doesn't Hollywood know there's a Depression on? Don't real Americans deserve work?"
Well, at least she's off KANE today
No she's not. Don't you get it, ya lunk? She's using code language to the studio bosses. "Bedraggled foreigners and swarthy refugees" -- who the hell do you think she's talking about?
Hedy Lamarr?
Who owns this town? Who runs every goddamn studio? The tribe, baby. These fuckers hear the word "Jew" and they start sweating. Like Ester Williams' pool they start sweating.
So they're Jews. . .
This is just the first shot. Maestro. Sooner or later she's gonna use the word. And all those boys know that there is only one thing this country hates more than the coloreds and that's the Jews.
Christ.
Me, I'm proud to be a Jew, I got no problem. You don't like it, fuck you. But with these guys it's like a dirty word. All they wanna be is good red- white-and-blue Americans, and the way they see it you can't be a good American and a Jew. So Sam Goldfish becomes Sam Goldwyn and David Selznick becomes David 0. Selznick --
What does this have to do with--?
Believe you me, they're gonna do anything -- and I mean absolutely anything -- to stop that word from gettin' out.
If he had known about KANE before you made it, you'd be dead already.
It's too late. The movie's made
They won't let it out. Not Hearst. Not the other studio heads--
You wrote the damn thing, Mank Aren't you going to fight for it?!
Is that from one of the Gospels?
YOU STUPID, LITTLE MAN! HOW COULD YOU HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN?! I GAVE YOU MY SOUL AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO SELL IT!?
You gonna watch?
Hell, I know how it ends. Hey, Rosebud's the sled!
Mank!
Shit
What have I done?
You know, all this nightmare we went through with Hearst. The whole thing... And in the end, probably no one will ever remember the picture anyway.
He truly doesn't care if he ever works again.
They came to me with an offer. 800,000 for the negative and all the prints.
And they went to the stockholders in New York.
Oh God.
Monstro! Ran into Walter Winchell outside He wants to play Herod in the picture. Hiya, George.
Herman.
May I help you?
I, um, need an estimate on some jewelry I might wish to sell. But d-d-discretion is very important to me b-b-because I don't want anyone t-t-to, um, know that--
Excuse me, I hope this isn't rude, but aren't you Marion Davies?
Yes.
Well, this is a great pleasure. Miss Davies! I just saw that ENCHANTMENT is playing at a the Tivoli, the revival house in Santa Monica. That was a fine picture!
Thank you-
Not one of them today has what you had, Miss Davies. Not one of them.
Thank you -- b-b-but I'd really like t-t-to--
Of course, of course. How can we be of service?
As I said I have some j-j-j-j- that I might wish t-t-to sell and I wanted an estimate--
It came.
800,000 dollars fully covers the production budget and a little more. Hell, George, you even make a profit on the deal.
Very generous
And we gotta be clear here. I need the negative and every existing print.
To do what?
That's for me to decide.
You're going to destroy it
No, maybe put it on the shelf until the old man kicks it.
You're lying to me.
You talked to New York?
Yes
Yes
Get out
You're bettin' on an inside straight this time. You'll never pull it off.
"Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud.
"Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud.
"Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud.
"Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud."
"Rosebud? I'll tell you about Rosebud
It's an awful title, of course, but I can't think of anything better. Someone came up with A SEA OF UPTURNED FACES -- which has a nice, grand ring to it -- and I thought of JOHN CITIZEN, USA but that strikes me as a bit Warner Brothers. Or, God forbid, Capraesque. I suppose AMERICAN will do for now but--
CITIZEN KANE
Pardon?
A "Z" and a "K" in the title. That would draw the eye. For the poster. I like that THE PRISONER OF ZENDA had a "Z" and a "P" and that worked--
Now look, Orson, let's not get ahead of ourselves. The budget projections on this--
I know, I know! But what more can you expect of me?! I have pared this story down to the marrow to save money but to cut more would be to--!
Now don't have a fit -- but I want you to think again about doing WAR OF THE WORLDS-
Jesus
Do WAR OF THE WORLDS as a feature and everyone's happy. You make some money and New York's happy and you have a track record and then we'll move on to KANE.
Please don't ask me to do this.
For the title
This is an abomination There's no music and--
They've all seen a rough cut
The magazines are one thing -- but Hedda! Why did we have to let her come?!
And this is the evening edition. Notice anything?
What do you want me to do, Orson? Radio City won't premiere the picture. Louella threatened them with some bullshit about
Then find another theater
You don't think I've tried? No one is willing to open the picture
Listen to me. The press ban is killing us and the distributors won't book it. And meantime I'm dealing with the stockholders in New York who are scared shitless -- and I'm this far from getting fired myself -- and you don't have a friend in the world but me right now. So you have got to trust that I'll do what I can
"Do what you can"?! That's not good enough I
Well it' s all you've got !
You're with them, aren't you? You're going to bury my movie. They bought you!
For Christ's sake, shut up--
Why don't you just have the guts to admit it
How dare you talk to me like that! Do you think I'm like all the rest of those pirates?! Like Mayer and Warner? Is that what you think--?!
It's just that my movie is so-
Do you every think for one second that you might have some responsibility for what you're doing?! For cutting and slashing everything in your way so you can have your goddamn movie?!
That soulless monster gets no tears from me.
This isn' t some kinda fucking game! You know how many people RKO employs?! You know how many people depend on what we do for a living?!
I really think you're
You wanna commit suicide, fine! You got some death- wish, fine! But you will not drag this company down with you!
You're not still mad at me, I hope
No, we're jake. But listen-
Look, not a single scene shot in the studio! We've found natural locations for the whole story--
Hold on a sec. I got news. We finally found somewhere to premiere KANE but--
I told you! Where? Grauman's? El Capitan? Or did Radio City come crawling back?
I think you better sit down
It's my birthday this week. I'll be 26.
Oh God. . .
You know something, Orson, you haven't done anything but lie to me from the moment we met. But, ya know, I'd do it again in a second.
It was fun, wasn't it?
It was the best, kid
So, on to the Life Of Christ!
Orson, you wanna take five?
It's just not low enough. This is the scene. We have to look up at these two man as pillars soaring to the sky. As towering virtues in combat--
Spare me the aria, I know what you want--
I need my shoes in total focus right here and also Joe back there--!
I know what you want but it can't be done!
Take apart the fucking camera rig -- we could get a few more inches down and then tilt up--
How 'bout a real drink?
We done?
Oh, no--
Yes!
He's Christ?
I'm Christ
You want to do the life of Jesus?
Let's go, Jake, wake up!
Huh? Whadda ya mean, get up?
We're from...
I know where you're from. You guys look the same every place.
They wanna talk to you.
About what?
I don't run the joint. They just told me to bring you in.
Hey champ!
Tommy, thanks for coming over.
You just take it easy, now. You'll do all right. Feelin' Ok?
I'm Ok.
Just come by to wish you luck. Need anything?
No, we're all right. Thanks anyway, Tommy.
All right. I don't have to hear any more. I think I understand what happened. I understand it was your brother's wife and there was probably a misunderstanding. I'm not sayin' Salvy shouldn't have acted the way he did. But, Joey, you don't raise your hands. You don't do that kind of thing. This time we forget about it but no more after this.
Yeah, I understand, Tommy.
Aside from everything else, your family all right?
Yeah, they're good. They're good, Tommy.
What is it with you? Can't you talk? You got like a funny attitude. I can't figure you out, Joey. What's with you and the quick answers? You wanna get outa here fast?
Aw, Tommy, c'mon, it ain't that.
Look Joey, I wanna tell you something. Your brother ain't gonna get nowhere without us -- nowhere. And I'm tellin' you between the two of us, it's gettin' to the point where it's gettin' to be a real embarrassment to me, a real embarrassment.
How can he embarrass you?
He's an embarrassment because Frankie and the other guys are expectin' me to do something about it, and I'm lookin' very bad. I can't deliver a kid from my own neighborhood. Why's he make it so hard on himself? He comes to me, I can make it easier for him.
Tommy, Jake respects you. He won't even say hello to anybody else -- you know that. But you know when Jake gets set on somethin', Jesus Christ Almighty could get off the fuckin' cross and he ain't gonna talk him out of it. I'm his kid brother. I got no say with Jake on this. He thinks he can buck everybody and make it
What's up, Colonel?
What who's been sayin'?
You were a big favorite in this fight. Then two days ago the odds start jumping all over the place until you're a 12-5 underdog.
I don't follow no gamblin' Commissioner. I'm just a fighter.
Now the fight's off the books altogether. Meyer Lansky couldn't get a bet down on this fight. Some people are saying you're going into the tank.
Believe what you want.
I want to believe you, LaMotta.
I'm gonna kill him. That fuckin' jig's gonna wish he never came outa the jungle. You got any money?
What?
This looks done.
It's not done.
It looks done. I'll take it the way it is.
Here's your carrots. You're in such a hurry. You can't wait.
Where you going at this hour?
What're you, a cop? I'm goin' out -- business.
You fuckin' worm, if you're going out, I'm going out.
And where you goin'?
J.R., glad you could make it.
You're a good sport, lady.
I saw you fight Bob Satterfield in '46, Jake. In Chicago. You were great.
Yeah, I really cleaned up on him.
Where's your wife, Jake?
What's wrong?
Hey, c'mon, what's the matter?
I ain't ever gonna fight Joe Louis, that's what's the matter.
That's what I'm sayin'. You shouldn't even think like that. It's crazy.
I tell you one thing. Ok, I'll never be big enough to fight Louis, but I know Joey, I know...
You know?
Yeah. Do me a favor.
Sure. What is it?
Hit me in the face.
You want me to do what?
You heard me, I said hit me.
C'mon, Jack. You had a few drinks.
Go ahead. I ain't drunk. Take your best shot. On the jaw.
Jack, I got no gloves.
Harder. Take the towel off.
Jack! Enough!
What was that for? I know you can take punches. I can hit you from now to doomsday. What the fuck does that prove?
Answer me when I talk to you.
Yeah, yeah. They just wanted to talk to you. So I...
And that hard-on, Salvy. Who's he think he is? I'm gonna let that fuckin' hard-on come up here and act like a big shot.
What are you getting so hot about -- Tommy Como told him to come down here...
Hey, I don't care about Tommy Como. I don't care about Jesus Christ on the fuckin' cross. I gotta give them a percentage of what I make! I'm in here breaking my ass, not them. Don't ever bring them up here again.
Who's that?
Whadda you care?
Whadda ya mean, whadda I care? Who is she? What's a matter? You afraid I'm gonna take her on you?
No, I'm not afraid. Why? You wanna meet her?
Yeah --
Cause I'll go right over there and bring her here.
Go 'head.
You sure you wanna meet her? Don't make me go over there, you change your mind and you make me look bad, cause she's really a knockout. She's 15, this kid -- a great piece of ass.
How do you know? You know her that good?
No, I see her around the pool. I know her. I know her like that -- not like that.
I'm tellin' you, she'll be there, I know she'll be there.
'Cause I wanna catch her alone.
How you gonna catch anybody alone at a dance?... I don't know if she'll be there alone... She'll probably be there with her girlfriends or something.
She ever go with them? Like Salvy?
Nah, she don't go with nobody. She's only 15 years old.
What does that have to do with it? She don't look 15 to me. I heard somethin' with Salvy. She was with him once or somethin', I think. It was like some blonde. That's the one...
Probably. You know she talks to everybody, and not just him.
Yeah, she's nice.
Ah, some piece of ass, I'm tellin' you.
You wasn't with her, were you?
Huh?
You wasn't with her?
With her? How?
You know, like bang her or anything?
Ah, no, no. I didn't bang her. I know her from around here, that's all. You want to meet her or what?
I'm tellin' you, she'll be there, I know she'll be there. Dressed up and everything.
I don't like all those other clowns around. That's all I know.
Hey, watch your mouth. Don't talk like that. She's still my wife.
No, but Jake... how much abuse can you take.
Do you see her yet?
He fights the toughest guys around that everybody else is afraid to fight...
They robbed us! Those fuckin' judges -- What the fuck fight were they watching? If I see them on the street, I'll break their heads. Decision Robinson, my fuckin' ass! Those judges give him the decision 'cause he's goin in the army next week! How else could this have happened?... What do you think they gave him the decision for, that's why.
Whadda I gotta do, Joey? I knocked him down. What did I do wrong? I don't understand.
You won and was robbed! You didn't do nothin' wrong.
You want us to wait for you?
I just weighed myself -- I'm 161. No more deals like this Janiro bullshit. I didn't tell you to do it in the first place.
Jake, you're the one who said you could get down to 155! What did I do, pull it out of the fuckin' hat?
Well, sometimes you shouldn't listen to me! Now I don't know if I can make it down to 155. I'm having trouble making 160, and without telling me, you sign me for a fight at 155 pounds, and if I don't make 155, I forfeit $15,000! You're supposed to know what you're doin'. You're supposed to be a manager!
You want the title shot?
Say what you're gonna say.
You want the title shot or not?
Say what you gotta say. Don't be a smart ass.
Nah, she would never...
Didn't you just see her lookin' at him? She told me no, but I don't believe her.
Excuse me for a minute. Be right back.
Whatcha doin'?
I remember the first time I met Vickie... I know there's somethin' up. I know she's doin' somethin', but I can't catch her...
Maybe she's afraid you're gonna hit her so she can't talk to you the way she wants to.
What do you mean?
Try talkin' to her. She's your wife -- ask her what's the matter.
When I'm away, did you ever notice anythin' funny with her? Tell me the truth.
Jack, if there was anything funny, I would tell you.
I want you to keep an eye on her when I'm not here. Understand?
Sure, I'll keep an eye on her.
What did Tommy say?
I got good news, and I got bad news. The good news is you got your shot at the title. The bad news is...
Stick out your hands, Jake.
C'mon, Joey.
See? That's all there was to it.
What the fuck they want? I took the dive. They want me to fall down too? I don't fall down for nobody. I never went down in my life. Joey, what do I gotta do? Crawl on my hands and knees? I made an asshole of myself in the fuckin' Garden! All the newspaper writers make fun of me. I'm the bum of the
Except fall down like a normal person.
Yeah, except fall down. That's right.
All right, you don't wanna fall down, so now you gotta take a rest. So, you enjoy the suspension. 'Cause there's nothin' you can do about it. Let the Commissioner and the D.A. jerk you around. So you wait.
Jesus Christ! Seven months! What am I gonna do for seven months? I'm gonna go crazy. How do I keep my strength? By that time I'll be too weak to win the title. And my weight? Forget about it -- I'm gonna blow up like a balloon. I ain't never gonna hold my weight down. Seven months! I don't know...
I'm gonna order up some stuff. Have a steak.
I can't eat a steak. If I eat a steak, I'm gonna have trouble making the weigh-in.
So eat just a little. You gotta eat something.
Screw you, Jack.
What? I just said hello. Since when I can't kiss my sister-in-law?
Ain't a cheek ever good enough for you? I never even kissed Mama on the mouth.
Well, you're not supposed to kiss your mother on the mouth.
How's that?
Answer me somethin'. What happened at the Copa with Salvy when I was out of town?
When?
You know, when you gave him a beatin'.
Nothin'. Salvy was out of line. He was drunk or somethin', I dunno. Anyway, the windup was I gave him a beatin'. Tommy called me down, and we straightened it out. It's all forgotten about.
Why didn't you tell me about it?
It didn't have nothin' to do with you.
Didn't it have nothin' to do with me?
No, I just told you what happened.
Who did it have anything to do with... Vickie?
Jack, no. I just explained the whole thing to you. It was just between me and Salvy, if it had anything to do with you and Vickie, I woulda told you about it.
Whatever you touched, that's good now.
Did Salvy fuck Vickie?
What?
You're supposed to keep an eye on her for me. I'm askin'...
I did keep an eye...
Then why did you give him a beatin' if he didn't do anything? You and him been friends a long time.
Some things changed between us. Now, he thinks who the fuck he is. He's been passing certain remarks that I don't like.
Don't bullshit me, Joey. You ain't tellin' me the truth.
What bullshit? Hey, I'm your brother. You wanna believe me -- you trust me?
When it comes to her, I don't trust nobody. I'm askin' you somethin'.
You givin' me that look. I gotta accept your word, but if I find out anythin', I'm gonna kill somebody...
So, go ahead. Kill everybody. Kill Salvy, kill Vickie, kill Tommy Como, kill me while you're at it. What do I care? You're killing yourself the way you're eating, the way you worry about things you don't have to worry about.
What do you mean, "you"?
What?
What do you mean, "you"?
I meant, kill everybody. You or me or anybody. You're a big shot. Kill, kill... g'head.
But you said "you."
So what?
Eh, Joey, even you don't know what you meant. You mentioned Salvy, Tommy Como, you -- that means somethin'. Why'd you say them? You coulda said anybody.
You're worried about this girl, you're gonna let this girl ruin you're life for you... You wanna worry, worry about your fuckin' stomach that you can't bend over -- that you gotta step in the ring in a month.
Did you ever fuck my wife?
What?
I don't mean now. I mean before -- before we met.
Whadda ya mean?
Did you ever fuck my wife?
Whatsa matter with you?
You're very smart, Joey, very smart. Nobody gives me a straight answer around here. You're givin' me these answers, but you still didn't answer my question. Did you fuck Vickie?
Was Vickie part of the deal with Tommy? Was my wife part of the deal? Tell me, was that it?
I'm tellin' you now, when I read this, it better not make me look bad.
Jake, did I ever make you look bad before?
Why not? There's nobody else around who wants to fight me; they're all afraid. I don't see why I shouldn't have a shot at the title right now.
Well, the word is to get a title shot you have to cooperate with the people who control boxing, in New York. And they're saying that you don't cooperate.
You just fought Sugar Ray two weeks ago and you're training like this right now... Are you afraid Sugar Ray might beat you this time?
I'm pulling out of next Wednesday's TV bout 'cause I can't make the weight. I'm fighting at light heavyweight, and I still can't make the weight.
Does that mean...
It means I'm through with boxing. I'm tired with tryin' to make the weight anymore. I'm sick of thinkin' about weight, weight, weight.
You sound bitter.
Ain't she beautiful? Coulda been Mrs. America if I didn't pull her outa the contest. Didn't want her wearing a swimsuit for nobody but me.
Don't fight anymore! It's a free country, don't fight anymore!
It ain't worth it, Jake. Get out.
What time is it?
Nine o'clock.
At night?
Yeah. At night.
How many pounds I gotta lose?
Three more, I figure.
Just give me a chip of ice to put in my mouth. Just a chip of ice.
I'll give you anything you want, Jake. I think you should come out for a few minutes -- give yourself a break.
He ain't hurting me, but I can't get him down.
Joey said you wanted to meet me. Is that right? You wanted to meet me?
I just wanted to say hello.
You wanted to say hello, eh? I can't believe it. When did you fall outa heaven? Anyone ever tell you you're the most beautiful one here, princess of the pool. You got a baby face. Look at mine. Whatcha wanna meet me for?
I don't know. 'Cause you're cute.
You don't talk very much.
I ain't ever talked to a movie star before.
I ain't no movie star. I'm just in high school.
You go first. Let me watch how to do this.
That's it. Just grip up a little tighter. That's it. You're gonna be real good at this. How does that feel?
It feels real good.
Just keep your eye on the ball.
Should I hit it?
I can't find my ball.
Can you see it?
No.
Jake, this is your father's bedroom.
Jake...
Are you sure we should be doing this?
Come over here.
You said never to touch you before a fight.
If you let me do it, I'll murder you. Come here.
You said I couldn't. You've been good for two weeks...
Take off my pants.
Jake...
Now take the rest off.
Jake, you made me promise not to get you excited.
I like the gym smell.
Now, touch me... ...here.
Joey's right. Janiro's up-and coming, he's good looking...
What do you mean, "good looking?"
Well, he's popular. A lotta people like Janiro. You beat him and it only figures they'll wanna see you get a title shot. But, what do I know? I should keep my mouth shut, I should...
Who asked you?
But, Jake, I was just...
Who asked you?
I was just...
What're you lookin' at? You lookin' at him?
No, I'm not. I'm looking at you.
Don't tell me "No." I saw you lookin' at him. Why, you like him?
I'm not interested in him.
You're not interested in him?
No, I'm not.
In other words, you're not interested in him but you'd be interested in somebody else, right?
Jake, c'mon now. Don't start.
Vickie?... Vickie, you asleep?
What?
You asleep?
Yeah.
Huh?
Yeah, what?
Tell me, you think of anybody else when I'm making love to you?
Nobody. I love you, remember?
Then why'd you say that thing about Tony Janiro?
What did I say?
That he's got a pretty face.
I never noticed his face.
You sure you're not thinking of him right now?
Positive.
Hey, you don't say goodbye to him like that.
What did I do?
You don't kiss like that. Hello and goodbye, that's all you do.
All I did...
You know what I'm talking about. Don't ever make me look bad on the night of my big fight.
But Jake... I didn't say anything...
Don't ever do that again. You don't do it!
What's the matter with you?
I went out.
Where you been all day?
I took the kids to my sister's.
I called. You weren't there.
I got bored so I went to the movies.
What'd you see?
I went to the movies.
What'd you see?
"Father of the Bride."
What was it about?
Oh, c'mon. For Christsake, do I have to tell you everything?
Did you ever go to the Copa when I was away?
What're you talking about?
Answer me when I talk to you. What happened that night?
I am answering...
Jake, no --
I didn't do anything wrong. I swear. I just had a few drinks.
With Salvy, eh?
Come out of there! Did you fuck Salvy? Answer me. Open this fuckin' door, you fuckin' cunt! Who've you been fuckin'?
Nobody, I tell you. Jake stop it.
I'll say anything you want me to say. I fuckled Salvy. I fucked Tommy. I fucked your brother. I fucked everybody! What do you want to hear? I sucked your brother's fuckin' cock!
You did?
You're killing him. You're killing him for nothing. Stop it.
Get the fuck outa here. Whadda you mean nothing'? You stupid bitch!
You're the fuckin' animal! You ran around with every guy I knew while I was breakin' my ass for you.
You know, if there's one thing -- I just don't understand you, not one single little bit. You love me?
Jake, why don't you just try lying down and get some rest.
I don't know what it is. I dunno, it's the kind of thing that -- the words won't come out.
Jake --
What?
I want to say something to you without you blowing your stack.
OK. Talk.
Why don't you just call him up?
What do I say to him? Call him up on the phone and say, "Joey, I'm sorry about that little trouble we had. How about havin' dinner?" Is that what I say?
No, not that.
Then what?
I miss Joey. I wish Joey was here.
Why don't you just call him?
I dunno.
Tell him how you feel -- you miss him. Tell him you're sorry.
I'm sorry. I had to work late last night. Slept at the club.
I'm leaving you Jake.
Sure, what else is new?
Open the door, Vickie.
No. I won't talk to you where you can use your hands on me.
Aw, c'mon. Don't say that.
I got a lawyer, Jake. We're getting a divorce. I'm getting custody of the kids.
Aw, c'mon, Vick --
Vickie, open up. I need to come in.
Are you drunk?
The kids are sleeping.
I promise I just gotta pick up one thing.
What are you doing?
I need ten thousand dollars. My lawyer says if we can spread ten thousand bucks around, we can get the case dropped.
But they don't have a case against you.
Are you kiddin'? Did you ever see a 14-year-old testify in court? Did you see the papers? "LaMotta on Vice Rap." Everybody likes a shot at the Champ.
Jake, be careful! What're you doing to the belt?!
Don't make no difference no more.
Can't you get the money from your friends?
Hi, Tommy. How are you?
Fuckin' kid! You're the best fuckin' fighter around. Loved what you did to Satterfield. Them "moulan yans" -- forget about it. They're all afraid to fight you.
C'mon, Tommy --
How you feelin'? Ok? You feelin' good?
Never felt better.
Tony Janiro's gotta watch out, eh?
He should.
How's the weight? Ok?
All right, lemme ask you something. Let's say I was a good friend of yours. And I was telling you I was gonna bet a lot of money on you in this Janiro fight. What would you tell me?
Salvy, would I steer you wrong? Let's say that's the truck; it's full of cigarettes, right? Now, two o'clock this morning we move the truck from here to there, take the cigarettes out, sell 'em, make some cash.
Hey but Joey, you're thinking nickels and dimes. The money's with your brother.
What do you want from my life, Salvy? He's my brother.
Hey, leave the kids alone.
I can't convince him. He's got such a thick head, I'd like to crack it open myself. Believe me, my own brother. It's very hard. You don't have to convince me -- I know we should be with Tommy. You talk to him. He don't listen to nobody.
Talk some sense into him, will ya? You're still his brother. If he ain't gonna listen to you, he ain't gonna listen to nobody!
All right, I'll try. See you later.
Tomorrow, at the gym. Don't forget.
I said, let's go.
Joey, relax. You're taking this the wrong way. Why don't you sit down and have a drink?
Excuse me, I'm talking to my sister in-law.
Excuse me for living.
What do you think, I'm blind? My brother's breaking his ass in a ring, and you're here with his wife.
Hey Joey, whadda ya lookin' to die young?
What're you doin' with Salvy? You shouldn't be here with him. Jake's away killin' himself. Suppose he found out.
What the hell am I doing wrong? Just because Jake is training, I can't go out? What am I, a goddamn prisoner?
No, you're his wife.
I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just trying to have a good time. Do I have to be cooped up in the house all the time?
It don't look right.
Well, go ahead, tell Jake. He's gonna kill me anyway. It's a matter of time.
I'm not gonna tell him nothing; but if he finds out, he will kill you. What's the matter with you? Aren't you happy? You got everything you want.
You don't sleep with him. I do. I don't get to breathe without tellin' him. He keeps me in a cage. If he thinks I'm lookin' at somebody the wrong way, I get used as a punching bag. He don't trust nobody. If he saw the two of us talking together right now, you'd be in trouble too -- believe me. Look at me,
Try to understand, Vickie. Jake's got a lotta aggravation. He's been a top contender too long.
That's right, take his part. You're his brother. He's never gonna be champ. Too many people are against him.
And you're drinking with them right now.
This is Doyle's house.
This is the baby sitter.
Oh. When are they expected home?
I'm hired 'til one. They went to dinner and maybe night-clubbing.
Well, if he calls in, tell him to get in touch with L. B. Jefferies right away. I might have quite a surprise for him.
Does he have your number, Mr. Jefferies?
He has it. Thank you.
Indo-China -- Jeff predicted it would go sky-high.
From the looks of Davidson's cable, it might even go higher than that. And we haven't even got a camera over there.
This could go off in a month -- or an hour.
I'll pull somebody out of Japan.
Bryce, the only man for this job is sitting right here in town. Get me L. B. Jefferies.
Jefferies?
Name me a better photographer.
But his leg!
It was in her favorite handbag -- And, Mr. Doyle, that can lead to only one conclusion.
Like disposing of their wives?
Of course, it's normal for a man to tie his trunk up with a heavy rope.
Mrs. -- Thorwald's -- clothes. -- Clean -- carefully packed -- not too stylish -- but presentable.
I would say that is looked as if she wasn't coming back.
You didn't see the killing, or the body? How do you know there was a murder?
Because everything that man's done has been suspicious. Trips at night in the rain, saws, knives, trunks with rope, and a wife that isn't there any more.
I'll admit it all has a mysterious sound -- but is could mean a number of different things. Murder is the least likely.
It's too stupid and obvious a way to murder -- in full view of fifty windows -- and then sit over there -- -- smoking a cigar -- waiting for the police to pick him up.
Well, officer -- do your duty.
You've got a lot to lean about homicide, Jeff. Morons have committed murder so shrewdly that it took a hundred trained police minds to catch them. That salesman wouldn't just knock off his wife after dinner, toss her in a trunk and put her in storage.
I'll bet it's been done.
Almost everything's been done -- under panic. But this is a thousand to one shot. That man's still sitting around his apartment; he isn't panicked.
You think I made all this up?
I think you saw something -- that probably has a very simple explanation.
For instance?
His wife took a trip.
She -- was -- an -- invalid!
You told me. I've got to run, Jeff.
I -- uh -- won't report it to the Department. Let me poke into a little on my own. No point in you getting any ridiculous publicity.
Thanks.
We know the wife is gone. I'll see if I can find out where.
By the way what happened to your leg?
He has a six months lease, and has used up a little over five and a half months of it. Quiet. Drinks, but not to drunkenness. Pays his bill promptly, with money earned as a consume jewelry salesman -- wholesale. Keeps to himself, and none of the neighbors got close to him, or his wife.
I think they missed their chance with her.
She never left the apartment --
Then where is she -- in the ice box?
-- until yesterday morning.
What time?
I think that's about the time I fell asleep.
Feel a little foolish?
Who said they left then?
Who left -- where?
The building superintendent, and two tenants. Flat statements -- no hesitation. And they all jibed to the letter. The Thorwalds were leaving for the railroad station.
Now how could anybody guess that? They had, perhaps, signs on their luggage, "Grand Central Or Bust!"?
The superintendent met Thorwald coming back. He said Thorwald told him he had just put his wife on the train for the country.
A very convenient guy -- this superintendent. Have you checked his bank deposits lately?
Jeff -- huh?
Well -- what good is his information?!! It's a second-hand version of an unsupported statement by the murderer himself -- Thorwald! Anybody actually see the wife get on the train?
I hate to remind you -- but this all started because you said she was murdered. Now did anyone, including you, actually see her murdered?
Doyle -- are you interested in solving a case, or making me look foolish?
If possible -- both.
Well then do a good job of it! Get over there, and search Thorwald's apartment! It must be knee-deep in evidence.
I can't do that.
I mean when he goes out for a paper, or a drink, or something. What he doesn't know won't hurt him.
I can't do it even if he's gone.
What's the matter? Does he have a courtesy card from the police department?
Now don't get me mad! Even a detective can't walk in anybody's apartment and search it. If I were ever caught in there, I'd lose my badge inside of ten minutes!
Just make sure you're not caught. If you find something, you've got a murderer and nobody will care about a couple of house rules. If you find nothing -- he's clear.
At the risk of sounding stuffy, Jeff -- I'll remind you of the Constitution, and the phrase "search warrant" issued by a judge who knows the Bill of Rights verbatim. He must ask for evidence.
Give him evidence.
I can hear myself starting out. "Your Honor -- I have a friend who's an amateur sleuth, an one night, after a heavy supper --" He'd throw the New York State Penal Code right in my face. -- And it's six volumes.
By morning there might not be anything left to find in his apartment.
A detective's nightmare.
What do you need before you can search -- bloody footsteps leading up to the door?
One thing I don't need is heckling! You called and asked me for help -- and now you're acting like a taxpayer!
How did we ever stand each other in that same plane for three years?
You know, every day for three years I asked myself that same question?
Ever get an answer?
Forget the story -- find the trunk. Mrs. Thorwald's in it!
Is -- is Anna -- who I think it is?
Enough to scare me that you wouldn't get here in time, and we'd lose him.
You think he's getting out of here?
Jewelry?
He has his wife's jewelry hidden in among his clothes over there.
That wasn't Mrs. Thorwald who left with him yesterday morning?
Did you ever own a saw?
Well, in the garage, back home, we --
But I'm not a killer!
If I'd been careful piloting that reconnaissance plane, you wouldn't have taken the kind of pictures that got you a medal, a big job, fame, money --
Oh -- that phone call! I gave them your number -- hope you don't mind.
That depends on who "they" were.
Jefferies.
This is Doyle, Jeff.
Tom, I've got something real big for you.
Look Jeff, don't louse up my night with another man killer stuffing a grisly trunk that turns out to be --
Listen to me! Lisa's been arrested.
Your Lisa?
My Lisa. She went into Thorwald's apartment, and he came back. The only way I could get her out was to call the police.
I told you that --
I know what you told me! She went in to get evidence, and she came out with it.
Like what?
Like Mrs. Thorwald's wedding ring. If that woman were still alive, she'd be wearing it.
A possibility.
A fact! Last night he killed a dog for pawing in his garden. Why? Because he had something buried in there. Something a dog could scent.
Like an old hambone?
I don't know what pet name Thorwald had for his wife. And that night he went out half a dozen times with the metal suitcase. He wasn't taking his possessions, because they're up in his apartment now!
You think perhaps it was "old hambone?"
In sections! And one other thing, doubting Tom -- it just occurred to me that all the calls Thorwald made were long distance! If he called his wife the day she left -- after she arrived in Merritsville -- why did she need to send him a postcard saying she'd arrived?
Where'd they take Lisa?
Precinct Six. I sent a friend over with bail money.
Just don't dally. Thorwald knows he's being watched. He won't hang around long.
Jefferies.
Congratulations, Jeff.
For what?
For getting rid of that cast.
This is Wednesday.
Gunnison -- how did you get to be such a big editor -- with such a small memory?
Wrong day?
Wrong week. Next Wednesday I emerge from this plaster cocoon.
That's too bad, Jeff. Well, I guess I can't be lucky every day. Forget I called.
Where?
Indo-China. Got a code tip from the bureau chief this morning. The place is about to go up in smoke.
Didn't I tell you! Didn't I tell you it was the next place to watch?
You did.
Okay. When do I leave? Half-hour? An hour?
With that cast on -- you don't.
Stop sounding stuffy. I'll take pictures from a jeep. From a water buffalo if necessary.
You're too valuable to the magazine for us to play around with. I'll send Morgan or Lambert.
Swell. I get myself half-killed for you -- and you reward me by stealing my assignments.
I didn't ask you to stand in the middle of that automobile race track.
You asked for something dramatically different! You got it!
So did you. Goodbye, Jeff.
Read some good books.
I've been taking pictures so long I don't know how to read anymore.
I'll send you some comic books.
Listen -- if you don't pull me out of this swamp of boredom -- I'll do something drastic.
Like what?
I'll -- I'll get married. Then I'll never be able to go anywhere.
It's about time you got married -- before you turn into a lonesome and bitter old man.
Can you see me -- rushing home to a hot apartment every night to listen to the automatic laundry, the electric dishwasher, the garbage disposal and a nagging wife.
Yeah? Maybe in the high rent districts they discuss -- but in my neighborhood, they still nag.
Well -- you know best. Call you later, Jeff.
Hello.
Gunnison?
Yeah. Is that you, Jeff?
It's me.
Something wrong?
The word is "everything." Now what time does my plane leave Tuesday?
Jeff --
I don't care where it goes -- just as long as I'm on it.
Okay. Indo-China. Tuesday. We'll pick you up.
That's more like it. Goodnight, old buddy.
Hello.
Well -- did you get it, Thorwald?
Who are you?
I'll give you a chance to find out. Meet me in the bar at the Brevoort -- and do it right away.
Why should I?
For a little business meeting -- to settle the estate of your late wife.
I don't know what you mean.
Now stop wasting time, Thorwald, or I'll hang up and call the police.
I only have a hundred dollars or so.
Can you get me that ring back?
No.
I can't. The police have it by now.
Readers' Digest, April, 1939.
I predicted it.
Stella -- in economics, a kidney ailment has no relationship to the stock market. Absolutely none.
Right now I'd even welcome trouble.
You've got a hormone deficiency.
How can you tell that from a thermometer!
I knew it!
Don't you ever heat that stuff up.
Gives your circulation something to fight. What kind of trouble?
Lisa Fremont.
You must be kidding. A beautiful young woman, and you a reasonably healthy specimen of manhood.
She expects me to marry her.
That's normal.
I don't want to.
That's abnormal.
I'm not ready for marriage.
Nonsense. A man is always ready for marriage -- with the right girl. And Lisa Fremont is the right girl for any man with half a brain, who can get one eye open.
Behind every ridiculous statement is always hidden the true cause. What is it? You have a fight?
No.
Her father loading up the shotgun?
Stella!
It's happened before, you know! Some of the world's happiest marriage have started 'under the gun' you might say.
She's just not the girl for me.
She's only perfect.
Too perfect. Too beautiful, too talented, too sophisticated, too everything -- but what I want.
It's very simple. She belongs in that rarefied atmosphere of Park Avenue, expensive restaurants, and literary cocktail parties.
People with sense can belong wherever they're put.
You're never going to marry?
The only honest thing to do is call it off. Let her look for somebody else.
I can just hear you now. "Get out of here you perfect, wonderful woman! You're too good for me!"
Look, Mr. Jefferies. I'm not educated. I'm not even sophisticated. But I can tell you this -- when a man and a woman see each other, and like each other -- they should come together -- wham like two taxies on Broadway. Not sit around studying each other like specimens in at bottle.
There's an intelligent way to approach marriage.
We've progressed emotionally in --
Baloney! Once it was see somebody, get excited, get married -- Now, it's read books, fence with four syllable words, psychoanalyze each other until you can't tell a petting party from a civil service exam
People have different emotional levels that --
When I married Myles, we were both maladjusted misfits. We still are. And we've loved every minute of it.
Okay -- but I'm going to spread some common sense on the bread. Lisa Fremont's loaded to her fingertips with love for you. I'll give you two words of advice. Marry her.
The insurance Company would be a lot happier if you slept in your bed, not the wheelchair.
How did you know!
Eyes bloodshot. Must have been staring out the window for hours.
I was.
What'll you do if one of them catches you?
Keep your mind off her.
She's real eat, drink and be merry girl.
And she'll end up fat, alcoholic and miserable.
Speaking of misery, Miss Lonely Hearts drank herself to sleep again. Alone.
Poor girl. Someday she'll find her happiness.
And some man will lose his.
Isn't there anyone in the neighborhood who might cast an eye in her direction?
Well, the salesman could be available soon.
He and his wife splitting up?
It's hard to figure. He went out several time last night, in the rain carrying his sample case.
Isn't he a salesman?
Now what could he sell at three in the morning?
Flashlights. Luminous dials for watches. House numbers that light up.
His personal effects. He's probably running away -- the coward.
Sometimes it's worse to stay than it is to run.
What about this morning? Any developments?
No. The shades are still drawn in their apartment.
A Federal offense.
I'm not shy. I've been looked at before.
Goodbye, Mr. Jefferies. I'll see you tomorrow.
Stella, I -- I can't tell you what a welcome sight this is. No wonder your husband's still in love with you.
Police?
Huh?
You called the police?
I'm just going to get the name of their truck!
Mrs. Thorwald?
You mean the one the dog was sniffing around?
There's a dip at this end. And since when do flowers grow shorter in two weeks?
You shouldn't have let her do that! If he ever --
Thank heaven that's over!
I wonder.
What?
Miss Lonely Hearts just laid out something that looks like sodium trieckonal capsules.
You can tell that from here?
I handled enough of those red pills to put everybody in New Jersey asleep for the winter.
Would four of them -- ?
No -- but it makes the rest easy to take. And she's reading the Bible.
You know? You might not be too bad a bargain for Lisa after all.
What are you two talking about?
Got a shovel?
No.
There's probably one in the basement.
You know, Miss Fremont -- he might just have something there.
What's she trying to do? Why doesn't she turn him in?
Smart girl.
Smart? She'll be arrested!
When you took your first snapshot -- did you ever think it would bring you to this?
Stella -- how long do you think he'll stay there?
What do you need money for?
One hundred and twenty-seven.
How much do you think you'll need?
Ten here.
Thirty-three here. Totals one-ninety. Not enough.
What about the rest?
Hello.
Mrs. Doyle?
Yes.
Jeff again. Has Tom come in yet?
Not yet, Jeff.
You haven't even heard from him?
It is something really important, Jeff?
I'm afraid it is, Tess.
I'll have him call the moment I hear from him.
Tell him not to waste time calling. To get over here soon as he can. I think Thorwald's pulling out tonight.
Who's Thorwald?
He knows. Don't worry, Tess. It's a man.
Goodnight, you idiot.
How's your leg?
Mmmm -- hurts a little.
And your stomach?
Empty as a football.
And you love life?
Not too active.
Anything else bothering you?
The Lisa Fremont who never wears the same dress twice?
Depends on the quote. Let's see -- there's the plane tickets over, import duties, hidden taxes, profit markups --
-- A steal at eleven hundred dollars.
That dress should be listed on the stock exchange.
We sell a dozen a day in this price range.
Something big going on somewhere?
Going on right here. It's a big night.
It's opening night of the last depressing week of L. B. Jefferies in a cast.
Picked it up in Shanghai -- which has also seen better days.
It's cracked -- and you never use it. And it's too ornate. I'm sending up a plain, flat silver one -- with just your initials engraved.
Now that's no way to spend your hard- earned money!
What would you think of starting off with dinner at the "21"?
Big enough?
I couldn't think of anything more boring and tiresome than what you've been through. And the last week must be the hardest.
Yeah -- I want to get this thing off and get moving.
What a day I've had!
Tired?
Not a bit. I was all morning in a sales meeting. Then over to the Waldorf for a quick drink with Madame Dufresne -- just over from Paris. With some spy reports. Back to the "21" for lunch with the Harper's Bazaar people -- that's when I ordered dinner. Then two Fall showings -- twenty blocks apart. Then I had to have a cocktail
Tell me -- what was Slim Hayward wearing?
You can't buy that kind of publicity.
That's good news.
Someday you might want to open up your own studio here.
Jeff -- isn't it time you came home? You could pick your assignment.
I wish there was one I wanted.
Make the one you want.
You mean leave the magazine?
Yes.
For what?
Don't laugh. -- I could do it!
That's what I'm afraid of. Could you see me -- driving down to the fashion salon in a jeep -- wearing combat boots and a three day beard?
I could see you looking handsome and successful in a dark blue flannel suit.
That's what is know as "manless melancholia."
Miss Lonely Hearts. At least that's something you'll never have to worry about.
Oh? You can see my apartment all the way up on 63rd street?
Well, she picked the most prosperous looking one.
She's not in love with him -- or any of them.
How can you tell that -- from here?
Oh... some songwriter. In the studio apartment. Lives alone. Probably had an unhappy marriage.
Almost as if it were being written especially for us.
If you're saying all this just because you don't want to tell me the truth, because you're hiding something from me, then maybe I can understand --
There's nothing I'm hiding. It's just that --
It doesn't make sense to me. What's so different about it here from over there, or any place you go, that one person couldn't live in both places just as easily?
Some people can. Now if you'll let me explain --
What is it but traveling from one place to another, taking pictures? It's just like being a tourist on an endless vacation.
All right. That's your opinion. You're entitled to it, but --
Lisa, simmer down -- will you?
You can't fit in here -- I can't fit in there. According to you, people should be born, live an die on the same --
Did you ever eat fish heads and rice?
Of course not.
Oh, I do that all the time. Whenever I have a few minutes after lunch.
Those high heels would be a lot of use in the jungle -- and those nylons and six-ounce lingerie --
Three.
Huh? Try and find a raincoat in Brazil. Even when it isn't raining Lisa, on this job you carry one suitcase. Your home is the available transportation. You sleep rarely, bathe even less, and sometime the food you even look at when they were alive!
Jeff, you don't have to be deliberately repulsive just to impress me I'm wrong.
You don't think either one of us could ever change?
And it's deflating to find out that the only way I can be part of it -- is to take out a subscription to your magazine. I guess I'm not the girl I thought I was.
There's nothing wrong with you, Lisa. You have the town in the palm of your hand.
Not quite -- it seems. Goodbye, Jeff.
You mean "goodnight."
Can't we just sort of keep things status quo?
I'm not exactly on the other side of the room.
Don't you ever have any problems?
I have one now.
So do I.
Tell me about it.
Why would a man leave his apartment three times, on a rainy night, with a suitcase? And come back three times?
He likes the way his wife welcomes him home.
Not that salesman's wife. And why didn't he go to work today?
Homework. It's more interesting.
What's interesting about a butcher's knife and a small saw wrapped up in a newspaper?
Nothing, thank heaven.
Why hasn't he gone into his wife's bedroom all day?
I wouldn't dare answer that.
What do you think?
Jeff -- if you could only see yourself.
Now, Lisa --
Sitting around, looking out a window to kill time, is one thing -- but doing it the way you are -- -- with, with binoculars, and with wild opinions about every little movement you see -- is, is diseased!
Do you think I consider this recreation?
I don't know what you consider it -- but if you don't stop it, I'm getting out of here.
You'd better before you catch the disease!
What is it you're looking for?
I want to find out what's wrong with the salesman's wife. Does that make me sound like a madman?
What makes you think something's wrong with her?
A lot of things. She's an invalid who needs constant care -- and yet the husband nor anyone else has been in there all day.
Maybe she died.
Where's the doctor -- the undertakers?
Lisa, please!
There's nothing to see.
There is -- I've seen things through that window! Bickering, family fights, mysterious trips at night, knives, saws, rope -- and since last evening, not a sight or sound of his wife! Now you tell me where she is and what she's doing!
Maybe he's leaving his wife. I don't know, and I don't care. Lots of people have saws, knives and ropes around their houses. Lots of men don't speak to their wives all day. Lots of wives nag, and men hate them, and trouble starts -- but very, very, very few of them end up in murder -- if that's what you're thinking.
It's pretty hard to stay away from that word isn't is?
You could see all the things he did, couldn't you?
What are you getting at?
You could see that he did because he had the shades in his apartment up, and walked along the corridor, and the streets and the backyard?
Yeah.
Jeff, do you think a murderer would let you see all that? That he shouldn't keep his shades down and hide behind them?
That's where he's being clever. Acting nonchalant.
No comment.
Don't you see how silly you're being?
The name on the second floor rear mailbox reads Mr. And Mrs. Lars, that's L-A-R-S, Lars Thorwald.
What's the apartment house number?
Okay, chief. What's my next assignment.
To get on home.
It doesn't seem to be in any hurry.
That alligator bag his wife had on the bedpost --
What about it?
He had it hidden in the dresser! Well, at least it was in there. He took it out, went to the phone and called somebody long distance. -- His wife's jewelry was in the handbag. And something about it worried him. He was asking somebody advice over the phone.
Someone not his wife?
I wonder where he's going now?
I don't know.
Suppose he doesn't come back again?
Well, I guess it's safe to put on some lights now.
All day long I've tried to keep my mind on work.
Thinking about Thorwald?
And you, and you friend Doyle -- Did you hear from him again -- since he left?
Something on your mind, Lisa?
It doesn't make sense to me.
What doesn't?
Women aren't that unpredictable.
A woman has a favorite handbag -- it always hangs on her bedpost where she can get at it. Then she takes a trip and leaves it behind. Why?
But only her husband would know that. And the jewelry! Women don't keep all their jewelry in a purse, all tangled, getting scratched and twisted up.
Do they hide it in their husband's clothes?
They do not! And they don't leave it behind them. A woman going anywhere but the hospital would always take makeup, perfume and jewelry.
Inside stuff?
Basic equipment. You don't leave it behind in your husband's drawer in your favorite handbag.
I'm with you, sweetie, but Detective Thomas J. Doyle has a pat answer for that.
That Mrs. Thorwald left at six ayem yesterday with her husband?
That's what the witnesses told him.
Well, I have a pat rebuttal for Mr. Doyle -- that couldn't be Mrs. Thorwald -- or I don't know women.
Still -- those witnesses.
I'd like to see your friend's face when we tell him. He doesn't sound like much of a detective.
Don't be too hard on him. He's a steady worker. I wish he'd get there, though.
We have all -- what?
Night. I'm going to stay with you.
I have the whole weekend off.
Say anything else, and I'll stay tomorrow night too.
You said I'd have to live out of one suitcase I'll bet yours isn't this small?
That's a suitcase?
I'll trade you -- my feminine intuition for a bed for the night.
From his landlord -- once a month.
It's utterly beautiful. I wish I could be creative.
You are. You have a talent for creating difficult situations.
I do?
Surprise -- is the most important element of attack. And beside, you're not up on your private eye literature. When they're in trouble, it's always their Girl Friday who gets them out of it.
The same girl who keeps him out of the clutches of seductive show girls, and over-passionate daughters of the rich.
The same.
But he never ends up marrying her. Strange.
Weird. Why don't I slip into something comfortable?
You mean -- like the kitchen? And make us some coffee?
I hate funny exit lines.
Do you suppose it's ethical to watch a man with binoculars, and a long- focus lens -- until you can see the freckles on the back of his neck, and almost read his mail -- do you suppose it's ethical even if you prove he didn't commit a crime?
I'm not much on rear window ethics.
Of course, they have the same chance. They can look at me like a bug under glass, if they want to.
Jeff -- if anybody walked in here, I don't think they'd believe what they see.
Huh?
Whatever happened to that old saying "Love Thy Neighbor."
Did Mr. Doyle think I stole this case.
I'll rephrase the question.
Do you like it?
For a minute, Doyle almost had me convinced I was wrong.
But you're not?
Do you think this was worth waiting all day to see?
Is he cleaning house?
Well?
It's just a picture of the backyard, that's all.
Something's in there. Those flowers have been taken up, and put back again.
Wasn't that close?
Suppose Mrs. Thorwald's wedding ring was among the jewelry he has in the handbag. During that phone conversation he held up three rings -- one with a diamond -- one with a big stone of some kind -- and one plain gold band.
Jeff, if you're squeamish, just don't look.
What for?
I'll try to give you at least fifteen minutes.
How?
Chelsea 2-7099. We scared him once. Maybe we can scare him again. I'm using that word "we" a little too freely, I guess. I don't take any of the chances.
Get an ambulance. Don't move. Try to lie still.
Lisa -- I -- I -- can't tell you how scared I was that you -- you might --
Shut up. I'm all right.
A man is assaulting a woman at one two five west ninth street. Second floor rear. Make it fast.
Your name?
L. B. Jefferies.
Phone number?
Chelsea 2-5598.
Steady Marlon!
What's that?
A new disease.
Friend of yours?
I'm glad they let you out.
Nobody chickened.
I heard about it. You're lucky he lived.
Buzzie--we better get out of here.
Feel okay?
What's happening?
You know something?
What?
Hey, he's real abstract and different.
Meaning me?
What?
I thought only punks fought with knives.
Machismo?
You satisfied or you want more?
Where can we meet?
Just him.
What you say your name was?
Jim Stark.
Buzz Gundersen.
Hi.
Sure. It's fine.
This is the edge, boy. This is the end.
Yeah.
I like you, you know?
Buzz? What are we doing this for?
We heard firing. He get anybody? You alone?
We got a cookaboo inside. He wounded some kid earlier.
How'd he get in?
Smashed the front door.
Any other entrance?
What's he going to pull--
Nothing, Crunch. They picked him up like the rest of--
You see any cops?
No--
He's going to cheese, I tell you. Nobody arrested him!
I think I should go home.
No. We're going to bring him down.
Crunch--my father's--You going to kill him?
What time is it?
Hang loose. We got all night.
That maid saw us. She could identify us too.
You still want to go home, Moose?
No.
Tell him why we moved here.
Hold it, Jim.
You can't protect me.
You mind if I try? You have to slam the door in my face? I try to get to him--what happens? Don't I give you everything you want? A bicycle--you get a bicycle. A car--
You buy me many things. Thank you.
Mother--
You make any sandwiches?
So long, young fella. Knock 'em dead, like your old man used to!
Sure-- You know something? I have a feeling we're going to stay here.
You thought I was Mom?
Yeah!
It's just this get-up. The girl's out and I was bringing Mom's supper.
And you dropped it?
Yeah! Shh!
That's funny!
You awake?
Yes.
Listen--I took a steak out of the freezer. I thought we could have a real old-fashioned stag party--just the two of us, what do you say?
Hey--I want to ask you something.
Shoot, Jimbo.
Suppose you knew that you had to do something very dangerous--where you have to prove something you need to know--a question of honor. Would you do it?
Is there some kind of trick answer?
What would you do, Dad?
Blood.
How'd that happen! What kind of trouble you in?
The kind we've been talking about. Can you answer me now?
Listen--nobody should make a snap decision--This isn't something you just--we ought to consider all the pros and cons--
We don't have time.
What can you do when you have to be a man?
Well, now--
Just give me a direct answer! You going to stop me from going, Dad?
You know I never stop you from anything. Believe me--you're at a wonderful age. In ten years you'll look back on this and wish you were a kid again.
Ten years? Now, Dad--I need an answer now!
Go ahead.
I'm in terrible trouble.--You know that big high bluff near Miller- town Junction?
Sure--there was a bad accident there. They showed the pictures on T.V.
Will you let him tell it!
Well, just get it off your chest, son.
That's not what I mean. I've never done anything right. I've been going around with my head in a sling for years...I don't want to drag you into this but I can't help it. I don't think I can prove anything by going around pretending I'm tough any more, so maybe you look like one thing but you still feel like another.
You're absolutely right!
Are you listening to me? You're involved in this! I want to go to the police and tell them I was mixed up in this thing tonight?
I don't think so--
Except yourself!
Will you wait a minute?
You know you did wrong. That's the main thing, isn't it?
You'll learn as you get a little older, Jim.
Son--this is all happening so fast--
He depended on me.
I don't see what's so bad about taking a little drink.
You don't?
No. I definitely don't. I did the sa--
He's a minor, Mr. Stark, and it looks to me like he had more than a little drink.
Whoa! Whoa! I know you're a little upset but--
Sorry.
Excuse us a minute?
Luck, Jim. Don't forget.
Have some cigars.
No thanks, I don't smoke.
Go on--Give 'em to your friends.
You sure?
I guess I cut pretty loose in my day too.
Really, Frank? When was that?
Can't you answer? What's the matter with you anyhow?
He's just loaded, honey.
I was talking to Jim.
Was it because we went to that party? You know what kind of drunken brawls those parties turn into-- it's no place for kids.
I guess when I nearly died giving birth to you--that shows how much I don't care!
No!
Look Jim. Far be it from me to tell you what to do, but there's--
Are you going to preach now? Are we going to have a sermon?
I'm just explaining what you mean! You can't be an idealist all your life! Nobody thanks you for sticking your neck out!
Frank? I'm frightened.
What's that pounding?
I don't know. First I thought it was Jim but--
He's home. I heard the car.
Are you going down there?
See? It stopped.
Who's there? Anyone there?
Is he there?
Frank!
John Crawford?
Yes, sir.
She keep it to protect herself, sir. She scared without a man in the house.
They not together, sir. We don't see him in a long time now.
Oh, Mrs. Crawford don't believe in them!
Do you know why you shot those puppies, John? Is that what they call you or do you have a nickname?
Can you tell me why you killed the puppies, Plato?
No, sir. I just went next door to look at them like I always do. They were nursing on their mother and I did it. I guess I'm just no good?
What do you think's going to happen, you do things like that?
I don't know. End up in the electric chair?
Where did you get the gun?
You know if the boy ever talked to a psychiatrist?
Excuse me--but--You know where I can find--I mean I don't remember his last name--
I think his first name's Ray--I have to see him. It's very important.
He's not here. He's not at Juvenile Hall. I don't know where he is. He's out on a call and he'll be out all night. How old are you?
My parents know I'm out. They know I'm here.
Come back tomorrow.
I'll wait for him.
Hi.
Hi there.
You remember me?
No. I don't think so--
Boy!
What?
You shouldn't monkey with him.
What?
He's a wheel. So's she. It's hard to make friends with them.
What's your name!
Jim. What's yours?
Listen, I told you not to fool with them. Now they're waiting for you.
I know. That's why I came back.
You scared?
I just don't want trouble.
He has a knife.
I saw it. Gee, look at that thing swing, will you? Do you think it never stops?
No. It's perpetual motion.
I'm here.
Jim--Do you think when the end of the world comes it'll be at night?
Are you really going to meet them?
Who knows. Plato?
What?
How'd you get here?
I hitched.
Boy, I bet you'd go to a hanging.
My personality's showing again. Should I leave?
I got to go in. You better get home too. Hey--what?
Why don't you come home with me? I mean nobody's home at my house--and I'm not tired, are you? I don't have many--people I can talk to.
Who has?
If you want to come we could talk and then in the morning we could have breakfast like my dad used to-- Gee...if you could only have been my father...we could...
Hey...you flipped--or something? You better take off...
O.K. G'night. I got to pick up my scooter. See you tomorrow.
Jim!
Who's that!
It's me!
How'd you find me? What's happening?
They're looking for you!--
Yeah?
Everybody! Crunch and Goon and everybody! I think they're going to kill you.
We know.
They think you told the police on them. They--who's in there?
Judy.
Hey where'd you go?
I'm here. Shut up.
Come out come out wherever you are!
Shut up. Are you nuts?
We're safe here. I hope. What do you think?
Isn't it crazy?
Nobody talks to children! They just tell them one thing and mean another.
It's wonderful that you understand so well--and so young too! You know the most wonderful feature about the nursery?
What?
There's only one key.
We'll take it!
Let's see how long we can stay under.
Man, you're schizoid!
Isn't he schizoid?
Haven't you noticed your personality splitting?
How do you know so much about this junk, Plato?
I came here before.
When was that?
When I was here? When I ran away. I used to run away a lot but they always took me back.
Who?
Mom and Dad. I used to be in my crib and I'd listen to them fight.
What you run out on me for! What you leave me alone for?
I don't want you for my father!
You crazy nut! You crazy, crazy nut!
Plato?
I'm here.
Boy, I'm blind as a bat! You got a match? I'm going to break my neck in here. Where are you?
I've got a gun.
That's swell. How are you?
You think the end of the world will come at nighttime, Jim?
No. At dawn.
Why?
I just have a feeling. Where are you?
Here.
I'm not going to hurt you. PLATO Why did you run out on me?
We didn't run out. We were coming right back.
You sure?
No.
Can I keep it?
You want to give me your gun now, Plato?
My gun?
In your pocket. Give it to me.
I need it.
You promised to give it back.
Friends never break promises, do they? Okay. Here. Now listen. There are a lot of people outside and they all want you to be safe. You understand that? They said I could come in and bring you out.
Why?
They like you. Okay?
Who's that?
Just a guard.
I shot at one of them.
Those aren't my friends. Make them go away.
Plato!
What?
Stop tearing me apart! You say one thing and he says another and then everybody changes back--
I'm sorry.
Sit down and eat--you'll be late.
'Bye, Mom.
What happened, darling. We were so worried. I was going to take a sleeping pill, but I wouldn't till I knew you were home.
How!
It doesn't matter how. I was driving a stolen car--
Do you enjoy doing this to me or what--
Mom--I'm not--
I told you Dad, it was a question of honor. They called me chicken-- you know, chicken! I had to go or I would never have been able to face any of those kids again. So I got in one of these cars and a boy called Buzz got in the other. We had to drive fast and jump before the cars went over
Good Lord!
What about the other boys--Do you think they'll go to the police?
What's that got to do with it?
No! I don't want you to go to the police! There were other people and why should you be the only one involved!
He's not saying that! He's saying don't volunteer!
Well, it doesn't matter anyhow-- because we're moving.
No! You're not tearing me loose any more.
Do I have to spell it out?
Jimmy, you're very young--and a foolish decision now could wreck your whole life.
Someone should put poison in her epsom salts.
Get lost.
Hang loose, boy. I'm warning you.
Wash up and go home.
Too bad you didn't connect. You could have gone to Juvenile Hall. That's what you want, isn't it?
No.
Sure it is. You want to bug us till we have to lock you up. Why?
Leave me alone.
No.
I don't know why--!
Go on--don't give me that. Someone giving you hard looks?
You feel like you want to blow your wheels right now?
All the time! I don't know what gets into me--but I keep looking for trouble and I always--I swear you better lock me up. I'm going to smash somebody--I know it.
That why you moved from the last town? 'Cause you were in trouble? You can talk about it if you want to--I know about it anyway. Routine check.
And they think they are protecting my by moving.
You were getting a good start in the wrong direction back there. Why did you do it?
He called me chicken.
And your folks didn't understand?
They never do.
So then you moved?
They think I'll make friends if we move. Just move and everything'll be roses and sunshine.
Things pretty tough for you at home?
What a zoo!
What?
A zoo. He always wants to be my pal, you know? But how can I give him anything when he's--I mean I love him and I don't want to hurt him--but I don't know what to do anymore except maybe die.
Pretty mixed up?
If he could--
"If he could" what? You mean your father?
I mean if he had the guts to knock Mom cold once I bet she'd be happy and I bet she'd stop picking. They make mush out of him. Just mush. One thing I know is I never want to be like him.
Chicken?
How can anyone grow up in this circus?
You got me, Jim--but they do. Want some water?
Boy--if I had one day when I didn't have to be all confused and ashamed of everything--or I felt I belonged some place.
Here. Look, will you do something for me? If the pot starts boiling again, will you come and see me before you get yourself in a jam? Even if you just want to talk--come in and shoot the breeze. It's easier sometimes than talking to your folks.
Okay--
Any time--day or night. You calmed down enough to go back now?
Hey! That's enough static out of you.
Want me to imitate a stupid cop?
Cut it out now. I'm warning you.
Assault with a deadly weapon.
Plato!
Hi. I saw you before.
Bully for you.
You don't have to be unfriendly.
Now that's true!
See?
"Life is crushing in on me."
"Life can be beautiful." Hey, I know where it was.
Where what was.
Where I saw you. Everything going okay now? You live around here?
Who lives?
See, I'm new.
Won't mother be proud.
Where's Dawson High School?
You going there?
Yeah--why--
Dig the square wardrobe!
Yeah. So where's the high school?
The kids take me.
I'll bet you're a real yo yo.
A what?
Goodbye! See you!
They'll be looking for you.
They saw where I jumped! I didn't chicken! What do I have to do-- kill myself?
It doesn't matter to them.
You were looking for me, weren't you?
No--I was just--maybe--
You still pretty upset?
You cold?
Even if I'm near a fire, I'm cold. I guess just about everybody's cold.
I swear, sometimes, you just want to hold onto somebody! Judy, what am I going to do? I can't go home again.
Neither can I.
No? Why not? You know something? Sometimes I figure I'll never live to see my next birthday. Isn't that dumb?
No.
Like even today. I woke up this morning, you know? And the sun was shining and everything was nice. Then the first thing that happens is I see you and I thought this is going to be one terrific day so you better live it up, boy, 'cause tomorrow maybe you'll be nothing.
I'm sorry I treated you mean today. You shouldn't believe what I say when I'm with the kids. Nobody acts sincere.
Why'd you get mixed up with them? You don't have to prove anything.
If you knew me you wouldn't say that.
I don't think you trust anybody, do you?
Why?
I'm getting that way, too.
Have you ever gone with anyone who--
Sure. Lots of times.
So have I. But I've never been in love. Isn't that awful?
Why did you do that?
I felt like it.
Where you going?
I don't know, but we can't stay here.
Where can we go? I can't go back into that zoo.
I'm never going back.
You can trust me, Judy.
Oh, Jim!
No--come on. Should we rent or are we in a buying mood, dear?
Why don't we just rent it for the season?
You see, we've just--oh, you tell him, darling. I'm so embarrassed I could die!
Well--we're newlyweds.
Of course. Drown them like puppies.
You can't talk underwater!
Ever been in a place like this before?
Not exactly. It's certainly huge.
How many rooms do you think there are?
I don't know.
Want to read any books? Take your pick! Isn't this the craziest?
Hi.
What?
Your hand's all wet and it's shaky. You're so funny.
Why?
I don't know--you just are. Leaving a light for Plato. That was nice.
Maybe he's scared of the dark.
Here we are-- out of cigarettes-- Junior's in the nurs'ry-- See how late it gets--
You don't need to do that.
There's something I should tell you, Judy.
I know already. We don't have to pretend now.
Is this what it's like to love somebody?
You disappointed?
Funny Jimmy. You're so clean and you--this is silly.
What?
You smell like baby powder.
So do you.
I never felt so clean before.
It's not going to be lonely, Judy. Not for you and not for me.
I love somebody. All the time I've been looking for someone to love me and now--I love somebody. And it's so easy. Why is it easy now?
It is for me too.
No!
We have to go back!
After he tried to shoot you?
He didn't mean it--we shouldn't have left him. He needed us.
You should have heard him talk about you tonight. Like you were the hero in the China Seas.
Sure. He was trying to make us his family.
Is he your friend?
Yes. My best friend.
What's he like?
Oh, I don't know. You have to get to know him. He doesn't say much but when he does you know he means it. He's sincere.
Well, that's the main thing--don't you think so?
Maybe next summer he's going to take me hunting with him--and fishing. I want him to teach me how and I bet he won't get mad if I goof. His name's Jim. It's really James but he likes Jim more. People he really likes--he lets call him "Jamie."
Want to finish my hamburger? I only took a bite.
Don't give it a thought. Only three million dollars a month!
Children? Well, we really don't encourage them. They're so noisy and troublesome, don't you agree?
Shall I show you the nursery? It's far away from the rest of the house. If you have children--Oh I hate the word!--or if you decide to adopt one--they can carry on and you'll never even notice. In fact, if you lock them in you never have to see them again, much less talk to them.
Plato, where's your father now?
He's dead. He was a hero in the China Sea. JIM You told me he's a big wheel in New York!
I did? Well, he might as well be dead. What's the difference?
Hi, Plato!
Judy--we're ready for you now.
He hates me.
What?
What makes you think he hates you, Judy?
He makes you feel pretty unhappy?
He calls me a dirty tramp--my own father!
Do you think your father means that?
Yes! I don't know! I mean maybe he doesn't mean it but he acts like he does. We're altogether and we're going to celebrate Easter and catch a double bill. Big deal. So I put on my new dress and I came out and he--
That one?
Yes--he started yelling for a handkerchief--screaming. He grabbed my face and he rubbed all my lipstick off--he rubbed till I thought I wouldn't have any lips left. And all the time yelling at me--that thing--the thing I told you he called me. Then I ran out of the house.
Is that why you were wandering around at one o'clock in the morning?
I was just talking a walk. I tried to call the kids but everybody was out and I couldn't find them. I hate my life. I just hate it.
You weren't looking for company, were you?
No.
Did you stop to talk to anyone, Judy? Do you enjoy that?
No. I don't even know why I do it.
Do you think you can get back at your Dad that way? I mean sometimes if we can't get as close to somebody as we'd like we have to try making them jealous--so they'll have to pay attention. Did you ever think of that?
I'll never get close to anybody.
Some kids stomped a man on Twelfth Street, Judy.
You know where they picked me up! Twelfth Street! I wasn't even near there!
Your mother will be down in a few minutes, Judy--
What?
Your mother will be down in a few minutes.
She's being called for.
You said you'd call my father.
How did you know that?
We used to sing it in school. Don't look at me with such horror. They had schools in those days.
But the same song. I think it's fantastic!
We were romantic then too--
Are you and Mom home tonight?
No. Why?
Nothing, only it'd be nice to spend an evening together for a change.
With us old creeps? Come on, we have to eat.
Good evening.
Didn't you forget something?
You're too old for that kind of stuff, kiddo. I thought you stopped doing that long ago.
I was talking to Dad.
I guess I just don't understand anything.
I'm tired, Judy. I'd like to change the subject.
Why?
I'd like to, that's all. Girls your age don't do that. You need an explanation?
So. This is the guy you been waiting for. Man of your dreams.
Gabriel -- !
Must have a way with stationery.
You better be here to be good to her, loverboy. 'Cause she's been good to you.
Gabriel, let him go --
Read a lot about you, Nick.
What are you doing here?!
Read you're a man of some knowledge.
Gabriel!
A man of some travels.
Is this him!?
Don't hurt him...
Is this the fucker you been writing all year!?
IS THIS NICK MASON!!??
Gabriel, you promised!
You promised me!
He'd rather die than be with you, he'd make a fucked-up boyfriend anyway. Bury him all over the place.
Gabriel! You said talk to him. That's all you ever said...
He wants the money.
He wants... your "sister"...
All those letters are about to pay off, baby... all those letters...
To all those cons...
Searching for a money man...
We musta written what, twenty of 'em? And they were before this guy. One, two letters apiece, ten to the racetrack guy in Leavenworth --
-- till he fucked his parole --
-- plus the forty to Mason... how many letters is that?
I can't take watching you touch him. I can't take his hands on you.
One more day, baby. One more day to Christmas.
I've been doing good, though.
Didn't have to hit me so fucking hard. Didn't have to throw me outta the goddamn truck.
Didn't have to send me down a fucking mountain.
He's shown us the setup, he's drawn us the map, he's helped us do the plan. He wants a gun, give him a gun. Take the bullets out, whatever, but give him the gun. The more manpower we've got in there, the better. He won't try and make his move till the money's in hand.
Y'know something, baby? If you were my sister? I'd still want to wake up Christmas morning with you...
Gabriel!
You can't find... what?
Toys for adults. Where are your toys for adults?
Toys for... adults?
C'mon. How old are you, sixteen? C'mon.
We sell children's toys --
Slinky's in aisle five, Twister's in aisle one, Moon Mud's in aisle four.
Gotta be ten degrees out there.
Radio said negative five.
Negative five?
Yeah.
I don't think it's negative five.
I figured you walked outta there and saw me and walked right the other way --
No, no --
Saw my outfit or something, my coat --
No, hey, I like your coat --
Saw me --
Ashley, no. That was me, that's what I was scared of. I mean, be serious... I ain't exactly looking like Mr. Universe here.
Thought you wrote you had a mustache.
I can get another one going. Y'know, hey, whatever you want me to --
Do that again.
What.
No --
One more. Smile. One more.
No, c'mon --
Tell me something. This the first time you've ever done this?
Go to hell, Nick Mason, what's that supposed to mean --
No, not that, no... I mean this, the whole thing. Start writing to a guy, guy in the bricks. Get a boyfriend like this. Tell me the truth.
Well. You're not the first guy I wrote to. But you're the only one I kept writing to.
I told you, Nick. Remember?
Tell me again.
All the guys I've ever been with... they never want to know me. Who I am on the inside. They just want to qet inside. When they do, they think that means they know who I am. That I trust them. That they know me. That there's nothing left to learn. A guy like you, Nick -- six months before you can even touch
Had some bad relationships, didn't you.
Well, wasn't all me, y'know.
Yes it was all you --
Guy I was in with... he helped sometimes... some of the romantic stuff, actually... you'd like him --
I'm talking about the heart, Nick. I'm not talking about the words.
Y'know, some of the heart mighta been his too...
Where the hell are you going?
Ashley, Jesus --
Can't survive on our bodies alone, Nick. Hurry up!
Ash... didn't you write me that you don't eat chocolate?
You need a COAT!
Ash, you've gotten me enough --
Baby, c'mon, all this stuff... I haven't gotten you anything --
You forget where I work?
Beauty and fragrances.
Well, I don't know about that --
Blackjack, Nick, blackjack I am good at. I mean, they'd give us some free games or something, wouldn't they? Since you worked there?
Security, Ash, I just worked security. They wouldn't be rolling out the red carpet --
And the slots, slots I'm good at too. Wouldn't that be fun?
We'll have more fun in Detroit.
We could live it up and --
Baby, I'm gonna go tell 'em not to disturb us for the rest of the year. I get back in that room, you better be wearing nothing but a candy cane.
I'll see what I can do.
NO!
I'm not him. I... You want something from Nick, you got the wrong guy.
I won't let 'em, Nick. They won't hurt you anymore.
...the truck driver...
Since Janey moved in... Gabriel... he's come over more and more. To the apartment. Janey's the divorced one, 'member, with the tit job --
What the fuck is going on.
He read the letters, Nick. Some day I wasn't there. He went through my room. He found your letters.
You motherfucker.
Nick, no --
You sold him out.
Nick --
When'd you decide to do it, Ash? After which of his letters, huh? The fortieth? The fiftieth? The first?!
I'M NOT NICK! You thought you'd fuck him over?! Well he's fucked you! I've never worked at some casino! I can't help you! Because he's not me!
Nick, I love you --
Get the hell off of me!
He'll kill you.
You're not hearing me here --
My brother's killed people, I know he has. Truckers. If you talk him into thinking you're not you, you'll only get yourself dead.
He didn't "find" Nick's letters, did he.
Nick, please, it's me --
You told him about Nick's letters.
No, Nick, no --
You're in on this.
Your pen palls dead, lady.
If you say that, if you keep saying that, they will kill you. If they think you're not you, they will kill you. Don't you see? I know what you're doing, but it won't work!
Nick died for me....
I won't let him hurt you! He just wants what you know!
...maybe I die for Nick...
Gabriel!
They changed the layout -- whadda they call you? Mr. Monster? They remodeled the place. When I worked there -- listen to me -- guy that managed the joint, guy who ran it--
Jack. Jack Bangs.
He said he wanted to talk to you. When he found the letters... he said "when your boyfriend gets out, I wanna talk to him." I thought he meant back in Detroit. I thought he meant --
I thought we'd have a few more days.
For what? You to talk me into "helping"? What, he promise you a share of the winnings?
No!
Well, shit, Judas, you shoulda at least gotten that --
Nick! He wants to know how to rob it, and he'll leave you alone! That's all he wants! I hate him, Nick... you know how...
So get him outta your life. Get out of Michigan. They got perfume counters in Chicago, don't they?
Since when do some trucker pals start thinking big, anyway?
They run routes mostly east, retail stuff, warehouses. But Gabriel knows some guys in New York, Miami, guys he helps get guns to Detroit. Hides 'em with his regular loads.
He working for them on this one?
No. He wants to be working for himself someday.
And I'm his ticket. What's the last place they took down?
What?
They've never done a robbery?
Then they do need me, don't they. They really need me...
We're gonna get out of here, Nick. We're gonna get out of this...
Get your own room, Ashley.
Nick...
So does it look a lot different?
That guy knows you?
Nick, what happened --
We get to the bridge, we're all right!
Nick, the ice is --
Jesus Christ, stay here, don't move, stay right here --
We'll get there, baby... we'll get there...
...Haven't had cranberry buns... in five whole years...
You saved my life. You could have run, but you didn't. You saved me.
You saved me.
I'm sorry, Nick... I'm so sorry...
Don't say my name...
I love you, Nick...
They'll have guns.
What?
You said they've run guns, in their trucks. So they'll have guns. To do this robbery. They'll have serious guns.
I don't know...
I'm going to have to be inside that casino. When it happens. I'll need to be part of it. I can't just be drawing some map.
Nick, what are you talking about?
We need to find a way to make me part of it.
He wants to see your map.
I'm almost done.
He says he wants it now.
How are we gonna do this, Nick?
You're the getaway girl. The money's gonna get to you eventually. Gonna be my job to be the guy who walks outta there with it. But I can't do that without a gun. Any luck talking to him?
Bullets or no bullets, he won't do it.
Is there any way you could get into his truck?
No.
Here's the Picasso. Is he in his room?
They all are. Football's on.
I don't know where you're going. But I'm going home.
We go together, Nick. Wherever... we go together. Remember?
WHERE'S THE FUCKING CASH, NICK!
You... you... YOU --
I saved your life.
You shouldn't have.
He did love you, you know. Nick. He did love you.
Merry Christmas, Rudy.
I'm glad it was me.
What?
Rudy. How'd you know my name?
You said Merry Christmas, Rudy.
I... you told me your name was Rudy. You told me a million times, back in the truck, telling me you weren't Nick --
No --
You were screaming you weren't Nick! And we just didn't fucking believe you!
But I never said Rudy.
You said it a million times!
You... you don't know me --
Oh, I know you, Nick. I know you real well.
No, you can't --
Who are you now.
You got the wrong guy! She thinks I'm Nick, I'm not!
Put him in the truck.
I was in the joint with him! I knew about him and her, okay!? I took his place!
You what...
You're not Nick Mason...
I shared his cell!
But you were saying you were...
Yes!
So you could get with my sister.
Yes!
So you could get down her chimney.
Yes!
You're a good writer, Nick. I give this writing an A-plus.
Hey. She says she loves you, Nick.
She says a lot of things.
She's getting you to help us... 'cause she knows if you don't, you're dead. You just tell us what we need to know, you two live happily ever after. My sister loves you, motherfucker, and I ain't gonna have you break her heart.
Wish I had a brother like you.
I had better sex in prison.
Where's she work?
What?
Wrote you a hundred letters, didn't she? Where's she work?
J.C. Penney. Beauty and fragrances.
What's her middle name?
Samantha.
What'd they call her in high school?
Bam Bam.
What'd they call her in college?
What college.
Be more specific.
A station wagon in Canada.
What's her greatest fear?
Her brother.
Wrong, Nick. It's drowning.
Let's get back on the road. It's time to start talking, Nick. Time to start telling tales --
You knew the place --
How much money's in that casino? Day-to-day.
I don't know.
The hell you don't.
Five million?
You wrote Ash that letter, you told her that story 'bout working Christmas Eve, bout how they'd send half the security guys home, nobody comin, in that night. And the rest of you got shit-faced drinking hot buttered rum. That a true story now?
Christmas... Eve...
Hey, it's... been two years --
Hell. Ten?
What?
I said, who the hell made the map?
I did.
This isn't the Tomahawk.
What the fuck are you talking about.
We walked the place for a week.
They wouldn't have changed the security setup.
So what the hell good are you...
You'd have to get me inside. Get inside, watch where the money's moving, see where the guards are going. Then I could work with your map.
They won't recognize me.
Why not.
Trust me. They won't recognize me.
We'll trust you when we're rich. Why not.
Bring back some memories, Nick?
Rather be back in the Mountain?
Might as well be.
A cowboy. You're going to send me into an Indian casino disguised as a cowboy. Have you thought this entirely through?
You're a country-western singer up from Nashville for the the holidays. Visiting your Grandma on the lake, driving into the Tomahawk for some scotch and slots. You only play the slots, you got that? Don't want no dealer friend of yours recognizing you, you sidle up to shoot some craps.
What kind of half-ass cowboy plays the slots?
You do.
At least gimme video poker.
Do I get a country-western name?
Y'know what, guys? I woke up this morning, I got a really lucky feeling going on. I mean it, I'm feeling that good. I wouldn't be surprised if I walk in there, pull a handle and hit jackpot. Hell, we wouldn't even have to --
You got one hour.
Ten dollars? What do I do with ten dollars?
Don't tip.
A for effort, Nick, honestly, A for effort and an honorary degree. I'm surprised you never escaped from the Mountain.
...never... tried...
Got something to say to me, Nick?
What'd you tell that casino manager?
Nnn... nothing...
You were talking to him! What'd you tell him!?
Nothing... I promise-nothing...
MAYBE SOMETHING ABOUT A ROBBERY?
He thought I was some gambler... he didn't know me... he didn't recognize me!
It's time for me... to be working for me. I want mine, Nick. And I need you. Did you tell your manager there's gonna be a robbery?
Man, Monster... just... just don't start trying to hit me...
Start singing.
I have no gifts to bring, pa-rumpum- pum-pum
Across from blackjack, there's a security doorway. Keypad access.
What's the code?
So. You're gonna need a man through here, two men at the cage, one to cover the count. You're gonna need a lookout outside, a sweeper through the back, and a gun guarding the front. You need six.
We got five. Putting Ashley outside.
NO.
You go in with five, you're either leaving an alarm free or an exit free. Someone hits an alarm, you're fucked. Someone gets to a phone, gets outside, 'cross the street, whatever, you're fucked. You need six. Six is me.
No.
I want a map of that security level. Every room, every guard, every thing.
Six men means six guns.
No way.
I'm no threat without a gun.
No, you're not.
No gun.
Well. What you guys have to plan out, then... is how you're going to get to that cage and that security level before anybody realizes anything's wrong. Running in with ski masks and bullets flying ain't gonna do it.
That part, Nick... was planned out the day I read your letters.
What. We all gonna dress up like cowboys?
You gotta be kidding me.
Can't be attracting attention, right?
You are lucky, convict. You're spending Christmas with the birthday boy himself --
Buncha guys in red suits busted in, they'll say. Started shooting. They won't be able to remember... if it was three, or four... or five. Four dead Santas and some burned-up cash. Merry Christmas, The End.
Get in the CAR!
Ash?
How'd you know my name was Rudy.
Ash?
Hey. They got a shitload of cookies.
Take 'em.
How 'bout the tree? You want the tree?
Here ya go, convict. We cased the place in the fall, got the layout down. What you're gonna do is show us where each of these doors go, what the upstairs level looks like, where they got the alarms, all of it.
Who's robbin' who here, Gabriel...
Where the HELL did he go?
Mister. I'm begging, 'kay? I'm begging. This is not some card club, 'kay? This is the Tomahawk. We're an international gaming destination. We're in guidebooks. You can't do this... you can't do this to me...
He won't tell us where it is. The Powwow Safe.
THE POWWOW SAFE! WHERE IS THE POWWOW SAFE!
What... Powwow...
The Powwow Safe where you steal your money! Where you cheat your Indians!
...so where is he?
Where is he?! Where is he?!
I can't go back to Vegas...
I CAN'T! GO BACK! I CAN'T! GO BACK! I CAN'T! GO BACK!
There's no snow in Vegas, 'kay? They don't know it, they don't want it, they got laws against the stuff. They got Egypt down there, right, they got Monte Carlo, Hawaii, they got ancient Rome, but where's the Winter Castle, right? Where's the Swiss miss Chalet? Where's the Big Fucking Igloo?
We understand you, Mr. Bangs.
Capades? They don't do it. Mittens? Outlawed. Why?
We're aware of your position.
I'm bringing in this great showroom act next week; these three Russian girls, they look like Meryl Streep, they can juggle anything.
Mr. Bangs.
Guys. We're doing it right, here. $5.99 prime rib? Nobody does that in Michigan. Nobody.
The tribe is concerned that many of your... new ideas are not resulting in any new venues.
I'm putting liquor in the drinks, I'm giving 10-times odds on craps, I got the girls showing sixteen-percent more skin! Show me another buffet's gonna offer you Coke and Pepsi! Whaddya want me to do?!
The Powwow Safe?
What about the Powwow Safe?
What?
The Powwow Safe. The secret safe. You said the manager's got a safe in his office where he hides skim money.
Hi, Santa Claus, how are you. He's with Sears, I'm with Wal-Mart, twas the season...
Goddamn, Merlin. There any part of the day you don't smoke?
There anytime you don't got a mouthful of shit?
Cancer-sucker.
That motherfucker --
Knew a guy in Joliet, smoked ten packs a day like you. His lungs got so black they couldn't find 'em with an x-ray.
This trucker? Met a girl in a bar one night, she didn't know his situation. He's drunk, she's drunk, they get to mackin' hot and heavy and the woman swallows it. His tongue. Sucks it right down.
My guy would walk into a room, set off the goddamn sprinklers.
I got a bacon too; there another bacon in there?
I got a bacon for him and a bacon for me; there's four cheeseburgers and two roast beefs --
Thanks, sister. How are ya.
Fuckin' freezing.
Hell yeah. You work here long?
Five years. Since it opened.
How long ago was your makeover?
My what?!
...but I got a girl to be with, rum- pum-pum-pum...
You want that for here or to go?
Buffet. Whaddya think it is?
Having romance problems, Romeo?
What the hell was that about --
What you gotta worry about first is the guards. Place doesn't look much richer than when I worked there, so let's figure you're gonna have to deal with ten of 'em. There'll be two on the floor, walking the room, that leaves eight up above. Eyes in the sky. They see something up, they're the ones who'll hit the silent alarm and you're fucked.
How do we take them out?
You gotta get someone upstairs.
What about the money?
Here's my present to you, truck drivers --
DROP 'EM! DROP, DROP, DROP!!!
You knew there were guns in here!
Merlin, I didn't know --
You got Pug killed! You tried to get ME killed! You just lost your Get- Outta-Jail-Free --
Monsters in the gelatin...
It's a roach, guy --
There are monsters... ...in the gelatin...
THERE ARE MONSTERS IN THE GELATIN!
Fuckin, Zookerman --
What's the first thing, man? What's the first thing you're gonna do?
Haven't thought about it.
Hell you haven't.
Get to thinking about it, it won't happen.
We walk outta here, we hit that road, what's the first thing you're gonna do.
Ain't there yet.
Three days, man.
Not yet.
Hot chocolate.
What?
Get a hot mug of chocolate. First thing I'm gonna do.
And a slice of pecan pie, right?
She's gonna be out there, man. Right there. Right there waiting.
Yeah.
Gonna walk out of this shitstorm and right into her arms.
Yeah.
Got us a motel out Highway 5, bringing her own damn sheets, you read that part? Silk damn sheets. Lock ourselves in the whole week, drinking wine, taking baths, man, see if they got those room service steaks... anything I want to do. Remember when she wrote that? Anything I want...
Why you gotta say a thing like that.
I'm just saying.
Why you gotta. We were gonna give you a ride someplace, man. Now I just don't know.
I'm just talking.
For twenty-five, she sounds pretty mature.
What if she sees you, man, sees what you look like... and it's not there. You just don't do it for her.
She's using a new perfume.
No, I think that's just oranges. She writes here she's eating oranges.
Oh.
Shoulda written to that magazine, Rudy. I'm gonna walk outta here, walk right into a relationship. Not some one-nighter, man... a relationship. You? You're gonna walk outta here with bus fare. Searching for the drunkest skirt in the room.
Mornin', gorgeous. More egg nog?
All I want... is to make it to Sidnaw, and sit down for Christmas dinner. Watch some ball with my old man, sleep in my old bed, and have leftovers for bout six months.
Thought you hated Sidnaw.
Just taste that Christmas turkey.
Thought you hate your old man.
Don't look like he missed the sunlight.
Pinscher told me Alamo thinks I'm the one ratted on him beating up Cree. Since I was there, I saw it, he thinks I got him sent to solitary.
So maybe after our week beneath the sheets, we'll head down to Motor City for New Year's. She says her roommate's skipping town for a few days, have the place to ourselves. Remember how her brother's a truck driver down there? I'm thinking he might be able to help get me some work.
What, working security?
No, I'm through with that shit. Ashley's right. Gotta start doing something I got a stake in. Get a business going.
I don't know, I've seen the business world.
Just a roach, Zook.
Rudy, don't move --
Don't move, Rudy!
GUARD! GUARD!
Alamo...
Jesus, Rudy --
Take it, man! You're all right! Hold it in! GUARD!
Oh, fuck, Rudy... oh Jesus...
GUARD!!!
Ash... Ashley...
No, man! No, no, no!
Tell her... I'll be there ...
You're GONNA be there! We're getting outta here! TAKE IT!
Tell Ashley... I...
YOU TELL HER!
NO!!!
...for Christmas...
Millie here used to serve drinks to these gunrunning truckers, real big talkers, talking bout a real score one day. I was in the Mountain, man, what the hell, why not let her get friendly with 'em? Let her tell 'em an idea she had, 'bout writing guys in prison. Getting one who could show 'em a sure thing.
She set them up. All of them.
Why not have her pretend to find me? Pretend to write me and reel me in? Tell her new trucker-man she'd pose as some sister of his named Ashley?
And you set me up.
Paid the Alamo ten bucks to put the shiv in me. He's a lifer, what does he care. Paid a hospital guard fifty to put out the story I was dead. Once the wound healed up... Got out of the Mountain this morning. And tonight I'm a rich man.
How'd you know I'd do it.
Do what?
Hell, you never needed to convince Ashley you were me. Just the dumb fucking truckers. I figured I'd talked enough about the Tomahawk in the pen for you to get by --
Talked about the old man's weapons stash, probably forgot I'd remember
They had the weapons and the willpower. We just gave them their inside man.
You gave them me.
That was my card, pop! My card! You hit for my card!
I... sorry, Mister...
That was my king!
POP! That was My card!
But... I had a five...
Switch seats with me.
What? No...
You're taking my money. Switch seats with me. Switch seats with me if you're not taking my money --
I'm ninety-two years old --
Then get yourself another table! You're hitting Santa's cards and you're taking Santa's money!
There is no other table --
Watch your mouth, man. It's Christmas.
Start talkin
That's what it looks like!
Map is kinda dirty, Monster...
Without having them hit the alarms.
Alone at last.
Now where were we?
I told you I don't know anything about any fucking set up. I've only been on the force eight months, nobody tells me anything! I don't know anything! You can torture me if you want -
Thanks, don't mind if I do.
Your boss even said there wasn't a set up.
I asked you a question. Are you clear about that?
Yes.
How ya doin', Toothpick?
Fine, now.
I'm sorry man, I shoulda picked you up personally at the pen. This whole week's just been crazy. I've had my head up my ass the entire time.
Funny you should mention it. That's what your father and I been talkin' about.
That I should've picked you up?
You fuckin' wish.
You tried to fuck me in my father's office, you sick bastard. Look, Vic, whatever you wanna do in the privacy of your own home, go do it. But don't try to fuck me. I don't think of you that way. I mean, I like you a lot -
Eddie, if I was a pirate, I wouldn't throw you to the crew.
No, you'd keep me for yourself. Four years fuckin' punks in the ass made you appreciate prime rib when you get it.
I might break you, Nice Guy, but I'd make you my dog's bitch. You'd be suckin' the dick and going down on a mangy T-bone hound.
Seymour Scagnetti.
Scagnetti? Oh shit, I hear he's a motherfucker.
He is a motherfucker. He won't let me leave the halfway house till I get some piece of shit job.
You're coming back to work for us, right?
I don't wanna lift crates.
Holy shit, this guy's all fucked up!
Jesus Christ, give me a fuckin' chance to breathe. I got a few questions of my own, ya know.
You ain't dying, he is.
I'll call somebody.
Who?
Let me tell you guys a story. In one of daddy's clubs there was this black cocktail waitress named Elois.
Elois?
Yeah, Elois. E and Lois. We called her Lady E.
Where was she from, Compton?
I don't know what he did to her, but she got even.
I don't buy it. It doesn't make sense.
The motherfucker killed Vic.
Joe, you're making a terrible mistake I can't let you make.
Daddy, did ya see that?
What?
Now Vic was tellin' me, he's got a parole problem.
We can work this out, can't we?
Didn't I tell ya not to worry? Vic was worried.
Nuts. We got a big meeting in Vegas coming up. And we're kinda just gettin ready for that right now.
Let Nice Guy set you up at Long Beach. Give ya some cash, get that Scagnetti fuck off your back, and we'll be talking to ya.
Daddy, I'm sorry, I don't know what's happening.
We were set up, the cops were waiting for us.
What? Nobody set anybody up.
The cops were there waitin' for us!
Bullshit.
Hey, fuck you man, you weren't there, we were. And I'm tellin' ya, the cops had that store staked out.
Okay, Mr. Detective, who did it?
What the fuck d'you think we've been askin' each other?
And what are your answers? Was it me? You think I set you up?
I don't know, but somebody did.
Brown's dead, we don't know about Blue.
I take it this is the bastard you told me about. Why the hell are you beating on him?
So he'll tell us who the fuck set us up.
Would you stop it with that shit! You beat on this prick enough, he'll tell ya he started the Chicago fire. That don't necessarily make it so. Okay, first things fucking last, where's the shit? Please tell me somebody brought something with them.
I got a bag. I stashed it till I could be sure this place wasn't a police station.
What does it matter who stays with the cop? We ain't lettin' him go. Not after he's seen everybody. You should've never took him outta your trunk in the first place.
We were trying to find out what he knew about the set up.
Go ahead and laugh, you know what I mean. What a while bitch will put up with, a black bitch won't put up with for a minute. They got a line, and if you cross it, they fuck you up.
The black Beverly Hills. I knew this lady from Ladora Heights once. "Hi, I'm from Ladora Heights, it's the black Beverly Hills."
It's not the black Beverly Hills, it's the black Palos Verdes. Anyway, this chick, Elois, was a man-eater- upper. I bet every guy who's ever met her has jacked off to her at least once. You know who she looked like? Christie Love. 'Member that TV show "Get Christie Love"? She was a black female cop. She always used to say "You're under arrest,
I was in the sixth grade when that show was on. I totally dug it. What the fuck was the name of the chick who played Christie Love?
Pam Grier.
No, it wasn't Pam Grier, Pam Grier was the other one. Pam Grier made the movies. Christie Love was like a Pam Grier TV show, without Pam Grier.
What the fuck was that chick's name? Oh this is just great, I'm totally fuckin' tortured now.
He's right about the ear, it's hacked off.
Say "hello" to a motherfucker who's inside. Cabot's doing a job and take a big fat guess who he wants on the team?
Nice Guy. When we got to the bar...
...What bar?
The Boots and Socks in Gardena. When we got there, I met Joe and a guy named Mr. White. It's a phony name. My name's Mr. Orange.
You ever seen this motherfucker before?
Who, Mr. White?
Yeah.
No, he ain't familiar. He ain't one of Cabot's soldiers either. He's gotta be from outta town. But Joe knows him real well.
How can you tell?
The way they talk to each other. You can tell they're buddies.
Did the two of you talk?
Me and Mr. White?
Yeah.
A little.
What about?
The Brewers.
The Milwaukee Brewers?
Yeah. They had just won the night before, and he made a killing off 'em.
What kinds questions did Cabot ask?
Didja use the commode story?
What's this?
It's a scene. Memorize it.
What?
A undercover cop has got to be Marlon Brando. To do this job you got to be a great actor. You got to be naturalistic. You got to be naturalistic as hell. If you ain't a great actor you're a bad actor, and bad acting is bullshit in this job.
But what is this?
It's a amusing anecdote about a drug deal.
What?
Something funny that happened to you while you were doing a job.
I gotta memorize all this shit?
It's like a joke. You remember what's important, and the rest you make your own. The only way to make it your own is to keep sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it, and sayin' it.
I can do that.
Tell me more about Cabot.
...Her brother usually goes with her, but he's in county unexpectedly.
What for?
Jesus Christ!
Let's go over it. Where are you?
I stand outside and guard the door. I don't let anybody come in or go out.
Mr. Brown?
Mr. Brown stays in the car. He's parked across the street till I give him the signal, then he pulls up in front of the store.
Mr. Blonde and Mr. Blue?
Myself and Mr. Pink?
You two take the manager in the back and make him give you the diamonds. We're there for those stones, period. Since no display cases are being fucked with, no alarms should go off. We're out of there in two minutes, not one second longer. What if the manager won't give up the diamonds?
I'm sorry.
Just hold on buddy boy.
How's freedom kid, pretty fuckin' good, ain't it?
It's a change.
Ain't that a sad truth. Remy Martin?
Sure.
Who's your parole officer?
A guy named Scagnetti. Seymour Scagnetti.
How is he?
Fuckin' asshole, won't let me leave the halfway house.
I just want you to know, Joe, how much I appreciate your care packages on the inside.
What the hell did you expect me to do? Just forget about you?
I just wanted you to know, they meant a lot.
It's the least I could do Vic. I wish I coulda done more. Vic. Toothpick Vic. Tell me a story? What're your plans?
That's great, guy, thanks a bunch. When do you think you'll need me for real work?
Toby... who the fuck is Toby? Toby... Toby... think... think... think...
Hey, fuck all that, I'm making a point here. You're gonna make me lose my train of thought.
Then one day she meets a John Holmes motherfucker, and it's like, whoa baby. This mother fucker's like Charles Bronson in "The Great Escape." He's diggin' tunnels. Now she's gettin' this serious dick action, she's feelin' something she ain't felt since forever. Pain.
Chew? Toby Chew? No.
Wong?
Fuck you, wrong. I'm right! What the fuck do you know about it anyway? You're still listening to Jerry- fucking-Vale.
Because you paid for the breakfast, I'm gonna tip. Normally I wouldn't.
But he's OK. If he wasn't OK, he wouldn't be here. Okay, let me introduce everybody to everybody. But once again, at the risk of being redundant, if I even think I hear somebody telling or referring to somebody by their Christian name... ...you won't want to be you. Okay, quickly. Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Pink.
Why am I Mr. Pink?
Why can't we pick out our own colors?
Yeah, Mr. Pink sounds like Mr. Pussy. Tell you what, let me be Mr. Purple. That sounds good to me, I'm Mr. Purple.
Nobody's trading with anybody! Look, this ain't a goddamn fuckin' city counsel meeting! Listen up Mr. Pink. We got two ways here, my way or the highway. And you can go down either of 'em. So what's it gonna be, Mr. Pink?
Mr. Blue's dead?
What's that?
Give me this fucking thing.
What the fuck do you think you're doin'? Give me my book back!
I'm sick of fuckin' hearin' it Joe; I'll give it back when we leave.
Whaddaya mean, give it to me when we leave, give it back now.
For the past fifteen minutes now, you've just been droning on with names. "Toby... Toby... Toby... Toby Wong... Toby Wong... Toby Chung... fuckin' Charlie Chan." I got Madonna's big dick outta my right ear, and Toby Jap I-don't-know-what, outta my left.
What do you care?
When you're annoying as hell, I care a lot.
Give me my book.
You gonna put it away?
I'm gonna do whatever I wanna do with it.
No, she did it. She killed the cheatin' wife, too.
I'll take care of this, you guys leave the tip. And when I come back, I want my book back.
Sorry, it's my book now.
What's she doin' now?
She hooked up with Fed McGar, they've done a couple a jobs together. Good little thief. So, explain the telegram.
Five-man job. Bustin' in and bustin' out of a diamond wholesaler's.
Can you move the ice afterwards? I don't know nobody who can move ice.
Not a problem, got guys waitin' for it. But what happened to Marsellus Spivey? Didn't he always move your ice?
He's doin' twenty years in Susanville.
What for?
Bad luck. What's the exposure like?
Two minutes, tops. It's a tough two minutes. It's daylight, during business hours, dealing with a crowd. But you'll have the guys to deal with the crowd.
How many employees?
Around twenty. Security pretty lax. They almost always just deal in boxes. Rough uncut stones they get from the syndicate. On a certain day this wholesaler's gettin' a big shipment of polished stones from Israel. They're like a way station. They are gonna get picked up the next day and sent to Vermont.
What's the cut, poppa?
What the fuck are you talking about?
Joe, I don't know what you think you know, but you're wrong.
Like hell I am.
Joe, trust me on this, you've made a mistake. He's a good kid. I understand you're hot, you're super-fuckin' pissed. We're all real emotional. But you're barking up the wrong tree. I know this man, and he wouldn't do that.
He was the only one I wasn't a hundred percent on. I should have my fucking head examined for goin' forward when I wasn't a hundred percent. But he seemed like a good kid, and I was impatient and greedy and all the things that fuck you up.
That's your proof?
Don't worry, Eddie. Me and Larry have been friends a long time, he ain't gonna shoot. We like each other too much.
Larry, I'm gonna kill him.
Goddamn you, Joe, don't make me do this!
Larry, I'm askin' you to trust me on this.
Don't ask me that.
Okay ramblers, let's get to rambling. Wait a minute, who didn't throw in?
Mr. Pink.
Mr. Pink? Why?
He don't tip.
He don't tip? You don't tip? Why?
He don't believe in it.
He don't believe in it? You don't believe in it?
Nope.
Aren't you?
I know.
You do?
Your name's Freddy something.
Freddy Newendyke.
Frankie Ferchetti introduced us once, about five months ago.
Shit. I don't remember that at all.
That fucking bastard! That fucking sick fucking bastard!
Marvin, I need you to hold on. There's officers positioned and waiting to move in a block away.
What the fuck are they waiting for? That motherfucker cut off my ear! He slashed my face! I'm deformed!
Joe, you want me to shoot him for you?
So, talk.
What's this guy's problem?
What's my problem? Yeah, I gotta problem. I gotta big problem with any trigger-happy madman who almost gets me shot!
What're you talkin' about?
That fuckin' shooting spree in the store.
Fuck 'em, they set off the alarm, they deserve what they got.
You almost killed me, asshole! If I had any idea what type of guy you were, I never would've agreed to work with you.
You gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?
What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't catch it. Would you repeat it?
Follow you where?
Down to my car.
Why?
For what, the cops?
You talked to Nice Guy Eddie? Why the fuck didn't you say that in the first place?
You didn't ask.
Hardy-fuckin-har. What did he say?
Because this guy's a fucking psycho. And if you think Joe's pissed at us, that ain't nothing compared to how pissed off I am at him, for puttin' me in the same room as this bastard.
You see what I been puttin' up with? As soon as I walk through the door I'm hit with this shit. I tell 'm what you told me about us stayin' put and Mr. White whips out his gun, sticks it in my face, and starts screaming "You motherfucker, I'm gonna blow you away, blah, blah, blah."
I told 'em not to touch the alarm. They touched it. I blew 'em full of holes. If they hadn't done what I told 'em not it, they'd still be alive.
That's your excuse for going on a kill crazy rampage?
Hey, just cancel that shit right now! You're hurt. You're hurt really fucking bad, but you ain't dying.
All this blood is scaring the shit outta me. I'm gonna die, I know it.
Oh excuse me, I didn't realize you had a degree in medicine. Are you a doctor? Are you a doctor? Answer me please, are you a doctor?
Say-the-goddamn-words: You're gonna be okay!
I'm okay.
Just hold on buddy boy. Hold on, and wait for Joe. I can't do anything for you, but when Joe gets here, which should be anytime now, he'll be able to help you. We're just gonna sit here, and wait for Joe. Who are we waiting for?
Joe.
I ain't going anywhere. I'm right here. I'm not gonna leave ya.
Look, I don't wanna be a fly in the ointment, but if help doesn't come soon, I gotta see a doctor. I don't give a fuck about jail, I just don't wanna die.
You're not gonna fucking die, all right?
I wasn't born yesterday. I'm hurt, and I'm hurt bad.
It's not good...
Hey, bless your heart for what you're trying to do. I was panicking for a moment, but I've got my senses back now. The situation is, I'm shot in the belly. And without medical attention, I'm gonna die.
I can' take you to a hospital.
Fuck jail! I don't give a shit about jail. But I can't die. You don't have to take me in. Just drive me up to the front, drop me on the sidewalk. I'll take care of myself. I won't tell them anything. I swear to fucking god, I won't tell 'em anything. Look in my eyes, look right in my eyes. I-won't-tell-them-anything. You'll be
Lie back down, and try to -
What happened?
Uhuh, uhuh, what's I tell ya? That sick piece of shit was a stone cold psycho.
Have you guys been listening to K- BILLY's super sounds of the seventies weekend?
Yeah, it's fuckin' great isn't it?
Can you believe the songs they been playin'?
No, I can't. You know what I heard the other day? "Heartbeat-It's Lovebeat," by little Tony DeFranco and the DeFranco Family. I haven't heard that since I was in fifth fuckin' grade.
C'mon, throw in a buck.
Uh-uh. I don't tip.
Whaddaya mean you don't tip?
I don't believe in it.
I don't even know a Jew who'd have the balls to say that. So let's get this straight. You never ever tip?
I'd go over twelve percent for that.
These ladies aren't starvin' to death. They make minimum wage. When I worked for minimum wage, I wasn't lucky enough to have a job that society deemed tipworthy.
Do you know what this is? It's the world's smallest violin, playing just for the waitresses.
You don't have any idea what you're talking about. These people bust their ass. This is a hard job.
Waitressing is the number one occupation for female non-college graduates in this country. It's the one job basically any woman can get, and make a living on. The reason is because of tips.
Gun shot.
Oh that's just fucking great! Where's Brown?
Dead.
Goddamn, goddamn! How did he die?
How the fuck do you think? The cops shot him.
Oh this is bad, this is so bad. Is it bad?
As opposed to good?
This is so fucked up. Somebody fucked us big time.
You really think we were set up?
You even doubt it? I don't think we got set up, I know we got set up! I mean really, seriously, where did all those cops come from, huh? One minute they're not there, the next minute they're there. I didn't hear any sirens. The alarm went off, okay. Okay, when an alarm goes off, you got an average of four minutes response time.
I haven't had a chance to think. First I was just trying to get the fuck outta there. And after we got away, I've just been dealin' with him.
Well, you better start thinking about it. Cause I, sure as fuck, am thinking about it. In fact, that's all I'm thinking about. I came this close to just driving off. Whoever set us up, knows about this place. There could've been cops sitting here waiting for me. For all we know, there's cops, driving fast, on their way here now.
What the fuck am I doing here? I felt funny about this job right off. As soon as I felt it I should said "No thank you", and walked. But I never fucking listen. Every time I ever got burned buying weed, I always knew the guy wasn't right. I just felt it. But I wanted to believe him. If he's not lyin' to
What's done is done, I need you cool. Are you cool?
I'm cool.
Want a smoke?
Okay, let's go through what happened. We're in the place, everything's going fine. Then the alarm gets tripped. I turn around and all these cops are outside. You're right, it was like, bam! I blink my eyes are they're there. Everybody starts going apeshit. Then Mr. Blonde starts shootin' all the -
That's not correct.
What's wrong with it?
The cops didn't show up after the alarm went off. They didn't show till after Mr. Blonde started shooting everyone.
As soon as I heard the alarm, I saw the cops.
I'm telling ya, it wasn't that soon. They didn't let their presence be known until after Mr. Blonde went off. I'm not sayin' they weren't there, I'm sayin' they were there. But they didn't move in till Mr. Blonde became a madman. That's how I know we were set up. You can see that, can't you, Mr. White?
Look, enough of this "Mr White" shit -
Don't tell me your name, I don't want to know! I sure as hell ain't gonna tell ya mine.
You're right, this is bad. How did you get out?
Tagged a couple of cops. Did you kill anybody?
A few cops.
No real people?
Uh-uh, just cops.
Could you believe Mr. Blonde?
That was one of the most insane fucking things I've ever seen. Why the fuck would Joe hire somebody like that?
I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way of the other, you're gettin' outta my way.
That's the way I look at it. A choice between doin' ten years, and takin' out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. But I ain't no madman either. What the fuck was Joe thinkin'? You can't work with a guy like that. That motherfucker's unstable. What do you think? Do you think he panicked, or ya think he's just trigger-happy?
I think he's a sick fuckin' maniac! We're awful goddamn lucky he didn't tag us, when he shot up the place. I came this fucking close - to taking his ass out myself. Everybody panics. When things get tense, everybody panics. Everybody. I don't care what your name is, you can't help it. It's human nature. But ya panic on the inside. Ya panic
What you're supposed to do is act like a fuckin' professional. A psychopath is not a professional. You can't work with a psychopath, 'cause ya don't know what those sick assholes are gonna do next. I mean, Jesus Christ, how old do you think that black girl was? Twenty, maybe twenty-one?
Did ya see what happened to anybody else?
Me and Mr. Orange jumped in the car and Mr. Brown floored it. After that, I don't know what went down.
At that point it became every man for himself. As far as Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue are concerned, I ain't got the foggiest. Once I got out, I never looked back.
What do you think?
What do I think? I think the cops caught them, or killed 'em.
Not even a chance they punched through? You found a hole.
Yeah, and that was a fucking miracle. But if they did get away, where the fuck are they?
You don't think it's possible, one of them got a hold of the diamonds and pulled a -
Nope.
How can you be so sure?
I got the diamonds.
Where?
I got 'em, all right?
Where? Are they out in the car?
No, they're not in the car. No, I don't have them on me. Ya wanna go with me and get 'em? Yes, we can go right now. But first listen to what I'm telling you. We were fuckin' set up! Somebody is in league with the cops. We got a Judas in our midst. And I'm thinkin' we should have our fuckin' heads examined
That was the plan, we meet here.
Then where is everybody? I say the plan became null and void once we found out we got a rat in the house. We ain't got the slightest fuckin' idea what happened to Mr. Blonde or Mr. Blue. They could both be dead or arrested. They could be sweatin' 'em, down at the station house right now. Yeah they don't know the names, but
I swear to god I'm fuckin' jinxed.
What?
Two jobs back, it was a four man job, we discovered one of the team was an undercover cop.
No shit?
Thank god, we discovered in time. We hadda forget the whole fuckin' thing. Just walked away from it.
So who's the rat this time? Mr. Blue? Mr. Blonde? Joe? It's Joe's show, he set this whole thing up. Maybe he set it up to set it up.
I don't buy it. Me and Joe go back a long time. I can tell ya straight up, Joe definitely didn't have anything to do with this bullshit.
Oh, you and Joe go back a long time. I known Joe since I was a kid. But me saying Joe definitely couldn't have done it is ridiculous. I can say I definitely didn't do it, cause I know what I did or didn't do. But I can't definitely say that about anybody else, 'cause I don't definitely know. For all I know, you're
For all I know, you're the rat.
Now you're using your head. For all we know, he's the rat.
That kid in there is dying from a fuckin' bullet that I saw him take. So don't be calling him a rat.
I gotta take a squirt, where's the commode in this dungeon?
So, is he dead or what?
He ain't dead.
So what is it?
I think he's just passed out.
He will be dead fer sure, if we don't get him to a hospital.
We can't take him to a hospital.
Without medical attention, this man won't live through the night. That bullet in his belly is my fault. Now while that might not mean jack shit to you, it means a helluva lot to me. And I'm not gonna just sit around and watch him die.
Well, first things first, staying here's goofy. We gotta book up.
So what do you suggest, we go to a hotel? We got a guy who's shot in the belly, he can't walk, he bleeds like a stuck pig, and when he's awake, he screams in pain.
You gotta idea, spit it out.
Assuming we can trust Joe, how we gonna get in touch with him? He's supposed to be here, but he ain't, which is making me nervous about being here. Even if Joe is on the up and up, he's probably not gonna be that happy with us. Joe planned a robbery, but he's got a blood bath on his hands now. Dead cops, dead
Before you got here, Mr. Orange was askin' me to take him to a hospital. Now I don't like turning him over to the cops, but if we don't, he's dead. He begged me to do it. I told him to hold off till Joe got here.
Well Joe ain't gettin' here. We're on our own. Now, I don't know a goddamn body who can help him, so if you know somebody, call 'em.
I don't know anybody.
Well, I guess we drop him off at the hospital. Since he don't know nothin' about us, I say it's his decision.
Well, he knows a little about me.
You didn't tell him your name, did ya?
Why!
I told him where I was from a few days ago. It was just a casual conversation.
And what was tellin him your name when you weren't supposed to?
We had just gotten away from the cops. He just got shot. It was my fuckin' fault he got shot. He's a fuckin' bloody mess - he's screaming. I swear to god, I thought we was gonna die right then and there. I'm tryin' to comfort him, telling him not to worry, he's gonna be okay, I'm gonna take care of him. And he
Oh, I don't doubt is was quite beautiful -
Don't fuckin' patronize me.
One question: Do they have a sheet on you, where you told him you're from?
Of course.
Well that's that, then. I mean, I was worried about mug shot possibilities already. But now he knows: what you look like, what your first name is, where you're from and what your specialty is. They ain't gonna hafta show him a helluva lot of pictures for him to pick you out. That's it right, you didn't tell him anything else that could narrow
We ain't taking him to a hospital.
If we don't, he'll die.
And I'm very sad about that. But some fellas are lucky, and some ain't.
You wanna shoot me, you little piece of shit? Take a shot!
He got it in the belly. He's still alive, but won't be for long.
Is that supposed to be funny?
We don't think this place is safe.
Both of you two assholes knock it the fuck off and calm down!
So you wanna git bit, huh?
Cut the bullshit, we ain't on a fuckin' playground! I don't believe this shit, both of you got ten years on me, and I'm the only one actin like a professional. You guys act like a bunch of fuckin' niggers. You ever work a job with a bunch of niggers? They're just like you two, always fightin', always sayin' they're gonna kill one another.
You said yourself, you thought about takin' him out.
Then. That time has passed. Right now, Mr. Blonde is the only one I completely trust. He's too fuckin' homicidal to be workin' with the cops.
You takin' his side?
I told ya he'd be pissed.
He seems all right now, but he went crazy in the store.
...Hey, I know what I'm talkin' about, black women ain't the same as white women.
Okay, Mr. Expert. If this is such a truism, how come every nigger I know treats his woman like a piece of shit?
I'll make you a bet that those same damn niggers who were showin' their ass in public, when their bitches get 'em home, they chill the fuck out.
Not these guys.
Who cares what your name is? Who cares if you're Mr. Pink, Mr. Purple, Mr. Pussy, Mr. Piss...
Hello Graham -- Joe -- Mr. Gardner.
You should be. Maybe Lednov heard about that Sonora ranch of yours.
Maybe he did.
We're going to look for him. Want to come along?
I've got eleven horses to get over the mountains before snow catches me and covers the feed.
And that's more important than finding Lednov?
Who shot who?
What's she doin' runnin' around the country at night.
I wouldn't know. Did you ask her?
All I can get out of her is she don't care about livin'.
Look of things, she doesn't.
You don't know how good it is to see you.
Tell them to come on in.
But I'm going to have to leave 'em here. They're --- well they're not the sort of people you're used to.
It doesn't matter who they are.
And one of 'em is sick.
Anybody hurt?
What's the matter with her?
This must have been in the family a long time.
And this is Helen Carter.
Yes, ma'am.
As far as -- Sonora?
They won't be riding in the wagon.
Did you ever try taking a bunch of horses over Sonora Pass? It's quite a job.
You can't leave us here.
What good is it going to do us to go to some ranch?
You can stay here if you like.
We have to get to Sonora. There are jobs waiting for us there. We'll pay you for your trouble.
Our kind of women?
What's the matter with her?
And this is Helen Carter.
So am I.
Thanks. And isn't there something we can do about supper -- or making the beds?
Steve and me, we use a saddle for a pillow and roll up in a tarp.
But you eat, don't you?
Mostly, we open a can of beans and boil some coffee.
Where do you keep the can opener?
Of course it'll work. You can get another girl to fill out the act.
If you were in his shoes would you take one of us home?
Steve maybe you better get some wood for the fire.
Would you, Mr. Phillips?
There's a nice boy.
Yeah.
Like what?
Get back to the horses. They're straggling.
He's learning his letters.
Learnin' to read has nothing to do with the right or the wrong side of the street.
Are the horses stragglin' or aren't they?
They're stragglin'.
But the nearest shelter's the Wyatt ranch and that's maybe five hours away.
Can we get a doctor at that ranch?
So that was why she tried to run away.
Didn't you know she had a father and mother out here?
I didn't know anything about her except she wanted a job because some man had left her stranded. I couldn't leave her in the street. Let's go.
Hold on.
We can't stay here!
Coffee?
No, thanks. I hope we won't be a burden to them.
I'm sorry, but that's how it's got to be.
I suppose it is.
You don't have to explain. Did I tell you how grateful I am for what you've done?
I couldn't leave you sitting by the road.
I hope you get everything you want out of life --
Thanks.
You've earned it -- the horse ranch on the Toulomoe -- the girl in the spotted gingham.
The who?
Ever since you've looked after Steve you've had the dream -- a ranch on the river -- good grass, good water, barn corral and house --- that part you've shared with Steve. The girl in gingham you plan sneakin' in when he isn't looking.
Go on. Tell me more about her.
She wears this gingham dress -- cooks popovers -- makes jam in season -- makes her own soap from pig fat and wood ashes and has cheeks the color of red apples.
I'll make the soap myself.
But the rest is right.
Will she be dark or fair?
He knows his alphabet.
Are we leaving?
Better go on back and get some more sleep. You'll need it later on.
You're not going out to look for them?
Don't you trust me?
Why did you change your mind about bringing us along?
Why do you think?
I don't know. I thought I did. Now I'm not sure. I thought it had something to do with me.
You know so much about me -- figure it out.
You wouldn't do a thing like that, would you?
You should have. I don't like leaving things unfinished.
Maybe it's better that way.
Tell me, darling.
What?
What did you expect? Speeches I don't mean?
I'm awake now. Go on. Say what you want to say. I'll listen.
If it's pretty speeches you want, you won't be hearing them. Even when I mean 'em, they don't come easy.
Save 'em for the girl in gingham. Just tell me I'm not good enough for you. Go on. Say a woman like me can't change.
All right -- it's said!
No, I'm not all right. I'm soaked and I hit myself against that rock.
All my clothes --
Go on, take it. Then you can't spend the rest of the trip expecting to get paid.
So grab yourself some sleep while you have the chance.
If you want to go on, I can make it all right.
I won't have you fighting over me.
Maybe it isn't going to Sonora, but it's going somewhere, which is all right with me.
It's going to Sonora.
Some of 'em you didn't mean but most of 'em you did. I don't blame you because I understand your way of thinking and why you think that way. You want your women on pedestals. But they have to be born on 'em -- they can fall off but they can't climb back up.
I can't change either. Not unless somebody wants me enough to give me a hand.
I'm fool enough to believe that one of these days somebody will. Somebody who wants me as I am will maybe walk into the place where I'm working and take me out of there.
Goodbye. Thanks for the lift.
Goodbye, Mary.
Thanks for taking over.
Thanks for loading me on the stage. I know now why you did it.
Where you going?
That job you were talkin' about, did you get it yet?
Why?
Because... well, you said you wanted a man to think enough of you to walk in the place you were working and take you out of there... tonight I was sort of tied up with Steve... but tomorrow I figured on doing just that.
Drop yours. I'm gunshy.
Then don't come sneakin' around a man's camp.
I found their surrey --
So did I. They were in it.
Here's a man says he's looking for you girls.
I -- lost something.
Stretch out under the seat, Miss.
Which ranch?
I can't --
You've got to -- don't you understand -- they want me with them and they'll fix it so I have to go --
How does she draw?
That's right.
Who's Lednov?
You might tell a fellow things, 'specially if the fellow's your brother, seems to me.
Like why you're buyin' a whole slew of 30 30 shells all of a sudden.
I don't want to run short.
You never said this Lednov's name before, that I can remember.
No call to. That jail looked pretty solid to me. How's she feel?
But it's leaded up and anyway a 22's no good for real huntin'. You shoot a man with a 22 and where are you?
What was he in jail for?
You sure worry that bone. He killed a fellow.
In a fight?
The other fellow wasn't even lookin'.
You must be plenty worried about Lednov sneakin' up on us. Think he will?
Yes.
At the ranch maybe?
Maybe at the ranch. Maybe sooner than that.
Do you have to be so close-mouthed? I'm your brother. And I'm ridin' with you. Remember?
That's Lednov! We come along here.
And meet him there.
Sure a lot of guys lookin' for Lednov.
Yeah -- and Lednov's only lookin' for one man. Me.
Why?
He doesn't like me. What you eatin'?
They sure must have been travelin'. This keeps up we can start a store.
I've got eleven horses.
Where'd they go?
There was only three of them at first. I guess I lost my head.
How'd you happen to miss?
They were quite a ways off and the wind was blowin'. I didn't have them to aim.
A man can't help gettin' excited once in a while.
That's right, Steve.
Can I have my gun back?
It's all right with me if she teaches you, but I don't want you forgettin' your job.
Okeh, I was wrong. But you can't expect a fellow who never saw Lednov and never heard his name until a while ago to do too much worryin'. You've been sorta close mouthed about him.
I guess I have. You were pretty little when they locked him up. I don't suppose you even remember that time I was gone two months.
Sure I remember. You went to Mexico lookin' for cattle.
You remember Jeff Rawson? -- We used to go fishing and hunting with him when you were so high.
Sure I do. Went off down to Mexico or something...
That's what I told you then. Only he didn't. Lednov killed him.
Oh... that's the time you went away.
I caught up with Lednov in Nogales. He didn't like the idea of comin' back across the border but he came. I turned him over to the sheriff and -- that's the story.
Maybe you shoulda killed him.
Maybe I should. But I was never much on killin'. Anyway, he moved too quick and I just got him through the shoulder. Looks pretty peaceful up ahead.
Yeah, it does.
Leaving them here when we could just as well take them. We got plenty of room in the wagon. And -- and -- they cook and drive the mules. They don't bother anybody.
Finished, son?
Don't go arguing with your teacher.
I'm not, but there's some of it I don't see any sense to.
Want the wagon unloaded, Clay?
I didn't stop to think, Clay.
All right, I hurt your feelings. But you know better than to go lightin' fires.
Come on. We got a couple hours to eat and get some sleep.
I'll eat when I'm good and ready.
Kind of feeling your oats this morning. I haven't laid a hand on you for quite a while, but that doesn't mean you're too old.
Go on, hit me.
Sit down and eat. Till I say the word, you're doing what you're told.
You oughta say you're sorry -- that's what you oughta do.
You keep your nose out of my life, young fella.
I said keep your nose out of my life. No kid is going to tell me how to run it.
You know what she asked me?
I don't care what she asked you.
It is so your fault and... and I guess maybe when we hit the ranch... you andme better...
Half of them are mine.
What did you come back for?
Is that the only reason you came back?
Sure. What other reason would there be?
How's that?
Kind of sore.
You'll live.
Guess maybe I'm old enough to hold my own in a fight, huh?
Yeah -- but don't make a habit of it.
So -- maybe I'm old enough to tell you how to run your life?
I guess so -- but don't make a habit of it.
You can light the lamp. I'm sure glad it's you. We were afraid those killers might come back.
Yeah, how did you know?
I'm sorry about this, Mr. Wyatt. I didn't know who she was.
All right, you didn't know.
I can't take her with me.
You're not bein' quite fair.
I'm sorry about this, Mr. Wyatt. I didn't know you had a daughter.
All right, you didn't know.
I can't take her with me.
You're not bein' quite fair.
You can't stay here. There's snakes and it's cold and you'll just get sicker.
I don't care.
Suppose that Lednov was to have found you, instead of me. Why you wouldn't have had a chance.
I said I didn't care.
Runnin' off and worryin' people. Makin' it tougher on Clay than it is already.
Don't ask me because I won't tell you! I won't tell anybody! Go away!
Don't act so -- crazy.
I'm sorry. Let's go.
Helen -- why don't you and Mary go on with Clay?
He won't take us. Don't you want us around?
Of course I do -- but it'd be better for you -- and the house is kind of small --
If you're worried about Mary and me talkin' too much, don't. No matter how many questions your old man asks. We know how to keep our mouths shut.
It isn't that --
Don't talk -- eat -- we want to get you well quick as we can so we can all get out of here.
But I want to stay.
I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here where I belong.
Not if I know Mary. When she rides into Sonora, you'll be with her. And mighty glad to be there after this. I don't see how you stood it as long as you did.
Stop it -- stop it.
Go away -- please.
She mustn't -- don't you let her --
There, there. Don't you upset yourself --
You got no business snoopin' around --
That something I shouldn't see?
What is it?
Just a thing I was workin' on.
Go on. Take your bath. I'll beat it.
That sure smells good.
I like it.
Up here in the hills, a man gets a hankering to smell powder.
You're sure there's more where this came from?
I figure we'll get along just fine.
I saw your fire and dropped by to say hello.
What's the matter -- restless?
Yes, people make me restless.
Even women?
There aren't any women here.
I suppose that's your wagon in the river.
Some people who went by this way lost it. Two men and some women. They packed their stuff on horses and went on.
And you're all alone.
Suppose I take a look.
When I ask questions, I like to hear answers.
Until you came along we were going to Sonora.
What do you know about that. Did you sell your place?
Not exactly. They decided gambling and dancing were bad for people. Can I make it?
There you are. Now take it easy and you'll be all right.
Aspen doesn't want us Mr. Graham. They threw us out.
They shouldn't have done that.
We tried to point that out. But there were some pretty nosey citizens who wouldn't listen to reason. They said Aspen had outgrown us. It's all right to play poker in your own home but not in a saloon.
Goodbye and thanks.
Maybe you're going about this all wrong. Why not try telling him we'll do the cookin' and mendin' and washin' for him. That usually works. Yeah, but suppose he took us up on it. Where would we be?
You think that's all we busted -- You should see...
With a milk pail in one hand and a marriage license in the other.
It isn't like this was the first place we were ever thrown out of.
That's not what's worryin' me. Why didn't she tell us? Maybe we could have done somethin' -- gone somewhere else -- puttin' a poor sick kid through this --
I tried my best, but these things take time.
And we're running out of that.
How long do you think we'll have to stay here?
Until Pa gets around to driving us to Minden.
We don't want to go there.
No we don't. But that's where we're going. From Minden we take a stage to Reno, then another one over to Auburn and another one to Placerville. Then it's a day's trip to Sonora.
Clay could save us an awful lot of time.
He certainly could. About a month.
You're not giving up?
Maybe I better start working on him.
Go on. Have another try at him.
What's the use.
We might as well start a fire.
Give it back to him. We're leavin'.
-- Gaslights and a dance floor and a big bar. Cash registers with bells and a couple of boys with armbands just to keep 'em ringing. What do you think of that?
I'm sure of this. But not of you. You won't open any joint. I've been watching you change. You're mad now and you think you can change back. But you can't. You'll end up making beds in a boarding house.
Mary, Honey. I talked too much, like always -- he thinks you told Elaine the things I told her.
How do you know who we are?
Everybody knows --
You said somebody was comin' back -- who's comin' back?
Clay Phillips.
Where is he?
How far up the trail?
We got to get movin'.
What for?
Because there's a man I want to see.
I said let's go.
One night more won't matter. Your friend'll be there. Anyway I don't think so much of the idea of prowling around his ranch. He knows you're out so he ain't going to sit still for it.
We got company. Female company.
Why, yes. They're all I need...
He dropped a shoe. You shouldn't be ridin' him.
Put on another one.
That won't help the stone bruise. You ain't been around horses much, looks like.
What are you doin' --
Pleased to meet you, ma'am. We found your trunk. Were you doin' the driven'?
Is that your kind of reading, Steve?
Your brother's always looked after you, hasn't he?
Since I can remember, Ma'am.
It wasn't Clay's fault. We've been moving around most all the time -- mebbe when we get the ranch and stay in one place I can learn my letters then --
Would you like to learn them?
I sure would.
Maybe I could start you out.
You're so nice.
Did someone say I wasn't nice?
Good night, Miss Wells.
Gee, I can't.
Why not? You went farther than that last time.
I'm too old for it, Miss Wells... That's for little kids.
Don't be silly... Nobody's too old to learn.
Aren't we stayin'?
What comes after Z?
That's the end of the line.
Then I know my alphabet.
And that's tough, isn't it?
-- and even if I do learn to read, what use'll it be? I'm goin' to live on a ranch!
U-n-i-c-o-r-n-... What in heck's that?
Unicorn -- a kind of animal --
What do they look like?
Hmmm... sort of like a horse -- with a horn in the center of its forehead.
Horses with horns! Huh! Do we have 'em in Nevada?
No.
How about California?
Would they be good to eat?
Kind of tough, I guess... But you're not liable to hunt them -- I don't think there's any alive now, anyways -- and I'm not sure but I don't think there ever were...
An' if you can't hunt 'em and even if you could they'd be tough, what's the use of knowin' how to spell them?
You don't read to fill your stomach... Poetry, for instance. All the poems in the world wouldn't fill you half as much as a bowl of eatmeal -- but they make you feel good.
Well, Steve?
Nobody's gonna catch him sleeping. Don't worry about him.
Sometimes not knowin' how to read has its points. You can't read books so you look at people and figure 'em out.
And you've got me all figured out?
Like when you were standin' there looking after Clay. I knew right off what you were thinking. Because I've been watching you.
You were supposed to be reading words.
Don't pay any attention to him. That's his way and I've found he's sure easy to get along with. I don't recollect him havin' hit me more'n a couple of times and I guess I had it comin'.
But you're his brother.
She was only teasin'.
Oh, sure.
For the last ten miles I've been trying to figure out how to sleep sitting up. I'm getting to the point where I don't think there's any place named Sonora.
You stretch out. I'll fix something to eat.
You don't know what it is to be sorry.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, Miss Wells.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. I just broke up with my boyfriend, that's all.
That's always tough. How long were you together?
Well, we never made it official, so I guess we were technically never really boyfriend and girlfriend, but I was seeing him in school. I saw him at the mall about six months ago and I was too nervous to introduce myself so I followed him to his car, and jotted down the license plate number. It was registered to his mother, so I
Brenda was right. There's more to the story than the Professor told us. I found a secret room. It had all these news clippings about Hugh Kane. He was a very evil man.
Ah, they just don't know you the way I do.
I found a picture of his wife.
Oh, he was a widower. Why didn't you say that?... Don't worry, sweetie, I can whip up a new batch in a flash.
I think he wants me.
No, I won't let you do it.
Alex, what are you doing?
Hey, Brenda.
Do I know you?
Me, too. 101?
In room "302" at ten o'clock?
That's it.
And remember that trip we took to Africa? That safari was so wonderful. Me, you... best of friends... forever.
Uh, Alex, we've only know each other one day.
Oh... I guess I'll die now.
Oh, remember that time I got my training bra and you --
My favorite memory was when we --
We already know each other. Hey, Brenda.
Hey, Cindy. Your friend needs help.
Actually, I just met her. This is Alex.
Oh my god. Madam Elsa, my psychic, told me I would meet somebody whose name starts with a letter of the alphabet today.
Really? That's amazing.
Hey girl, that jacket is slamming.
Thanks.
You better be careful. I heard some girl got her ass whooped and jacket stolen earlier today. Hey, what class do we have next?
Ouch!!
Brenda, are you okay? Come sit.
Help!
Oh my God! We're dead!
It's coming!
Hey, look, I'm Wilma Flintstone.
Oh my God, the ghost has Buddy! Brenda do something!
Cindy, what's going on?
This house was built in 1898 by a man named Archibald Keaton as a gift to his wife, Cora.
Yes, I feel their spirits. Cora... Keaton... I am here to communicate...
No, they sold the house in 1920 to a millionaire, Uriah Bloodworth.
Yes, of course, Uriah. I feel his evil presence.
No, he lost the house after the stock market crash.
But he could still be haunting the house. He's angry that he had to leave.
Hello Brenda.
Shhh... It's okay.
Ray, have you been here all this time?
I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
I'm fine. Just a few bruises.
So, I guess I can go now.
No, stay.
You sure?
Yeah, I think I'll feel better sleeping in the arms of a strong man.
Are you okay? I thought I heard screaming.
He's right. I should go first.
Where's Shorty?
Ray, run faster.
Hey, you left your book back there.
So, I see you're really into spooks.
No. I never date outside my race.
I meant you're into ghosts.
Oh, yeah. I'm just curious about that kind of stuff.
So it looks like we're going to be spending the weekend together.
Yeah.
Maybe we can study together or something.
But, hey, maybe we can be friends.
Sure, that would be cool. Friends.
Hi Buddy.
You know, Buddy, about this friendship thing...
Yeah, it's great, isn't it. I think it's so cool... have a girl as a friend.
That's just it, Buddy. I'm a girl. You can't be so rough with me.
Then what kinda stuff can we do?
Gentle stuff like talking, sharing thoughts and ideas, secrets and past experiences. Stuff like that, you know.
It sounds gay, but guess since you're a girl it's okay, huh?
Yeah, it will be fine. I wanna check something out. Will you come with me?
Sure. We can practice talking.
Buddy...
Dude, somebody's on the rag.
Whoa, check this out. She looks like you.
Wow, she's beautiful. You really think she looks like me?
Oh yeah... another difference is she looks more sophisticated and classy. More feminine. And her tits are perfect. Not pointy and funny looking, or spaced too far apart...
Where the hell are we?
It looks like the furnace.
Let's get outta here.
Well, if that's Hanson, then who's the guy with the hand?
Yeah, I think I'm bleeding.
Cindy, I've been thinking about this whole friend thing. I never had a friend that cares for me the way you do... I mean, there's Ray, but he cares for me in a different way. You know, bringing me flowers. Running my bath water. And then there's nights I wake up screaming and I look over and Ray's in my bed. Holding me. And
That we should take our friendship a little further?
Yes...
Oh, Buddy, I was thinking the same thing. It might be our last night in this house. And I think we should take full advantage of it.
We should act out our inner most fantasies.
Great!!!
Like, I've always wanted to walk on the moon.
What about you, Buddy?
He's here.
What are we gonna do? I'm cold. I can't move, I'm so cold.
Can you feel that?
Feel that?
Better try a little higher.
Now, come on -- you know I'm not ready for that kind of --
Cindy, please! It's a matter of life and death. I'm asking you a friend.
Cindy, let me...
No, Buddy, I'm the one he wants.
There's something I really want to share with you.
Cindy, about this whole friendship thing...
Yeah, I know, I just love having a guy for a friend.
I know, but I've been thinking --
I know, but I've been thinking --
Listen to me I --
Listen to me I --
Look, what I'm trying to say --
Stop it! I'm just trying to say I think we should take our friendship to the next level.
Oh.
I don't want to be your friend like this anymore.
Then what are we going to do?
You know, walking on the beach, holding hands, kissing, making love...
That sounds kinda gay, but since you're a guy, I guess it's okay.
Hey, look out, a bee!
Oh, Buddy, I've never had someone be so protective of me!
Hey, wanna' share a soda?
Oh, Buddy, that's so romantic.
What should we get?
I don't care. You pick.
Are you okay?
I think so.
No, I just heard the commotion, and when I got there I guess it was gone.
Good-night, Cin. I'll be next door if you need me.
Okay, I get the point.
So, whatever happened to her?
Let her go, Cin.
But he'll kill her!
I'm sorry, I should have been watching where I...
It's okay.
Oh, my God, Ray! What are you doing here?
It's the sequel.
Oh, right.
Listen, no need for you to worry. All that stuff that happened before is behind us. Let's just try to move on.
How about these buns?
Come in somebody. Can you hear me?
This is Ray. What's up? Where are you?
The ghost is close. He almost got us. Buddy is hurt.
What's your location? I repeat, what's your location?
Where's Shorty?
Ray, you saved my life. Are you okay?
Oh my God! I'm here with the...
I'm Cindy.
Ummm!! They smell delicious.
Morphine? chloroform? Horse tranquilizers? You've drugged him!
Hanson, please.
Stop touching his brain!
Tell me, Cindy. Would you ever tell me "Stop. If you loved me you'd stop."
Stop! --
It was you...
Yes, it was me all along. I killed Hugh Kane and his mistress.
Both of them?
Didn't I just say that? Fucking listen. Anyway, I did it all for Carolyn. He never appreciated her, but I worshipped that woman and still she rejected me. So, I came back for you. Just like I did for Carolyn.
This can't be happening?
Noooo!!!
Would you like me to help you pass them back?
What the hell are you doing?
He won't let us go. He's going to kill us.
What are we gonna do?
Someone is going to have to lure him onto the platform.
Cool, but remember, as soon as he gets on the platform you gotta get out of there. Nobody wants to go.
Father!
My child, you're alive!
Yes, we made it!
We? What do you mean... we?
Me and my friends... You see there was this ghost. He came out of nowhere and....
My child you are the only survivor.
I'm sorry.
Father, I don't understand. Tell me what happened?
So, do you think you made it into the class?
I don't know, but I sure hope so.
You could use the grade, huh?
Nah, I need a place to stay. So how do you like being in college?
Okay, I guess. It's so intimidating. You know being away from home, not knowing anyone. I feel like such a geek sometimes. Everyone's so cool and I'm so not.
Aww, you ain't that bad. You just need a little flava. First thing we gotta do is get you some new gear.
Huh?
Gear. You know, clothing.
Oh.
Left, right, left, right, crossover kick...
Yo! That jacket is tight.
Yeah, now go uhn, uhn, uhn!
Uhn! Uhn! Uhn!
Am I cool now?
Aww, the little bird died.
Yeah, I didn't know what else to do.
That was a great idea, Shorty.
Did you do that?
Uh, uh.
She'd have to be really pretty and I'd have to be very drunk.
I'm going to work in Washington, Cindy.
Are you?
Hey, y'all! What's going on?
Shorty! You're alive!! But... what about your head?
Professor, is this the same house that a young girl was possessed by a demon or something?
Professor, what's the history of this house?
Alright, Cindy, what's so important?
Yippie! Wasn't that amazing?
It's some kind of energy field. We better record this.
I got it!
I'm telling you, it was possessed.
No, I'm just saying cats are known to be very territorial animals, and it is likely it did attack, but it doesn't mean it was possessed. Maybe the two of you should sleep together.
What are you getting at, Professor?
Good idea, and don't forget to give her a good-night kiss.
Got a problem with that?
I take it you're not mad at me.
I don't like this, this...
I think she's starting to suspect something?
Oh, my God. It happened right here. She came home. She saw them.
Saw who?!
I finished all the interviews.
Let me see the files.
Let me help you.
Here you go, Professor.
Yes. The scored all over the Kiersey Temperament Sorter just like you asked for.
I also took the liberty of putting those with near-death experiences on top.
Good thinking, Dwight. Traumatized co-eds are a sure thing.
As I am sure you are aware, Professor, subjects who are close to death are statistically more likely to have the suggestibility required for paranormal investigation, which is, of course, why I've given them special consideration.
Look, whatever you say, kid, but the more they're hurtin', the more they need a squirtin', if you know what I mean. Ooh, I like her.
Cindy Campbell. Classic abandoned personality disorder. She seems guarded, but willing to do this.
Willing? I like that. And, this one?
That's Ray Williams. I couldn't quite figure him out, but he seemed very eager and excited when we met.
Car accident, gun shot, multiple stabbings, a hook through the back... Where did you find these kids?
They are the survivors of the Steveston County massacre.
Fantastic. These kids are exactly the kind of catalyst needed to awaken Hell House.
How are we going to get them all up there?
I'll make it part of the class. We'll tell them they're participating in a study on sleep disorders.
And what happens when all hell breaks loose?
We record and document it. We're gonna make history, Dwight. The first documented, unrefuted evidence of life after death. The book sales alone will be worth millions. I'll be rich, and you my friend, will have one hell of a thesis paper. Now, what time is orientation?
In about fifteen minutes.
I have taken care of everything, including medical supplies and blood storage. We want to be safe.
Right. What about condoms?
Professor!
Hey, you're the one who brought up safety. I'm perfectly willing to go in raw.
Would you please focus?
Fine. What's all this stuff?
Are those cameras all throughout the house?
Yes, I thought that it would be best.
So, if one of our little chickadees is taking a shower which one of these buttons do I press to get a close- up?
That one.
I'm going to change for dinner. I'll see you shortly.
Not to worry. There's been no reported activity in the house for over twenty years.
Let's not forget, folks, this is a study on sleep disorders.
My God! Is she dead?
Professor, I think you should see this.
What is it? Some tits? A beaver shot? What?
The image there.
Are you sure it's not the tape?
I don't think so. It's on all the cameras, and check this out. The thermal readings inside the house dropped ten degrees when the image was recorded.
What the hell?!
Professor, we need to talk.
What is it, Dwight?
I think we should consider cutting the experiment short.
What?
The force in this house is far greater than I anticipated. In one night I recorded cold spots, shifting magnetic fields, the E.U.P. is picking up white sounds everywhere.
That's why we came here, remember?
Yes, but I've seen the tapes. This poltergeist is becoming increasingly more violent. We all could be in danger. I say we pull the plug.
I can do it myself.
Yeah, I can see that. Later I want you to teach me that trick, but right now we have a job to do.
Hello Dwight.
What are you working on?
Work, work, work. Is that all that you do?
The Professor might have everyone else fooled, but I know who the real brains of the operation is.
You do.
That's what turns me on about you, Dwight. You're so smart.
And sexy.
Ooh, you hair is so soft and silky. What do you use on it?
You know, Dwight, I hear you're the only one who has the key to the gate.
That's right.
What if I wanted to borrow those keys?
She's right. We should stick together.
Excuse me, sir, but the students have started to arrive. Dinner will be ready shortly.
Thanks, handyman.
Who's first? Anyone like a wing?
Yours, or the turkeys?
I supposed you'd like a leg. How about two?
It's the best seat in the house. I warmed it up for you.
You never could feel your legs.
Alright... I might need your help.
My help?
A little bit... Give me your belt.
I'm not even wearing any drawers. Forget about a belt.
You're not wearing a belt.
You mean to tell me we're dead!
Uh... I'm Father McFeely
I'm so glad you're here.
I came as fast as I could, but at my age the little soldier needs a lot more thumpin before it starts pumpin. If I tickle my ass before...
It's okay. I understand.
How is she?
She's gotten worse, Father. She won't eat, she won't talk. The child won't even let me touch her.
Father.
Would you like to see the girl?
Father, are you okay?
Yeah, but you might wanna light a match before you go in there. Did you bring my bag?
Yes.
Remember, don't ask her too many questions.
Because she will lie?
Oh shit, you gonna take that?
What?
No thanks.
Father, I think you should rest.
Sit down and join us, Cindy.
Now you're being rude, Shorty.
Yo son, check this out.
Sorry, y'all. My bad.
Shorty, why don't you say grace?
This part removes the sense of humor.
I woke up naked, too.
Hey, dude, you got a tattoo.
What does it say?
It says, "Ray."
Sweet. Hey, you got a tattoo, too.
Get out?! What does it say?
"Fucked me."
"Ray!"
"Fucked me."
"Ray!"
Yo' Tommy, what up, man?
I'm totally freakin' dude. I keep having these nightmares, then I wake up screaming with these awful back spasms. I can't take it anymore, man.
Aww, man. You just need to chill out. Come on, there's this party tonight it's gonna be fun. Lot's of alcohol and honeys.
Alright, but I ain't drinking. and you're gonna have to look after me.
BLOOD FEAST!
Hi, Mom.
Oh, boy!
Bye, Mrs, Sutphin.
Did you hear?
What happened?
What a bitch!
It's the influence of all those family films. Right, Mom? Hey, Mom??...
Mrs. Sutphin?
Mother?
0h, shit!
You don't think...
...Jenner... Jenson, Emy Lou Jenson. 3511 Clark Avenue!
I saw blood! And it's brown! Not red like in horror movies, but brown!!
Is MOM... in there?
Bring her home... I guess.
I wouldn't give ya a nickel.
Here we go again.
Hi!
I can't believe Mr. Stubbins is dead.
You said you hated him.
I'm not kidding. Carl stood me up this morning and then he was murdered at the flea market....
MURDERED?!!
Yes murdered! You said you hated your teacher yesterday and he was murdered too. I don't know... maybe Mom's nuts!
How about Mrs. Ackerman? We both hate her! Should she be the next victim?
DAD! YOU DON'T THINK SHE DID IT??!
Turn right on Timonioum Road. Hurry, Dad!
Just a little, please. Bad for the teeth.
You'd probably date him! He's cu-uuute! Hey, Dad, did you ever see "Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer?"
Well, your mother's going to PTA today. We'll see what your teacher has to say.
I'm Dr. Eugene Sutphin. What's the trouble, officer?
Carl's a jerk!
No comment!
Sorry, ma'am.
Do you have the musical, "Annie"?
Sure do. Did you bring back "Ghost Dad"?
There you go. I love Bill Cosby pictures.
Mrs. Jensen, I've told you. You have to rewind the tapes before returning them!
Why?
Because it's the rules!
You see the sign! It's a dollar fine for not rewinding and this time I'm gonna charge you! $2.99 plus one dollar is $3.99!
Cute is not enough, Misty. You know that.
Chip, honey?
Oh God, really! This is the limit!
You kids. Now Birdie, I want you to have a cookie and then run along home.
But Mom, the video's not over.
Bye, Birdie. Chip, honey... I know it's hard being a teenager but I understand... I'm your mother and I love you.
Oh Mom...
Ladies and gentlemen, the perfect meatloaf!
I'm happy too and we want you to be happy.
I'm so happy I could shit.
CHIP!!
God, Mom! What's the matter?
Time to get up, that's all. You'll be late for work.
Tell me the truth, Mom! It's ok with me, really! Are you a serial killer?
In here, Mom...
Get in, Mom! I have to open.
Are you Chip Sutphin?
Hold on... Yeah I am, but you'll have to speak to my agent...
That's cool... hey look, you're Carl's brother, right?
That's right.
I'm sorry he's dead, but... have you signed off yet?
You mean for TV or print?
TV, man! Farrah Fawcett's interested in playing my mother!
Detectives, what is this about?
I know this sounds weird, Mr. Sutphin, but the Department of Motor Vehicle's computer shows only one blue station wagon registered to a parent of any of Mr. Stubbins' pupils.
What is it, officers? My patient is waiting.
Dr. Sutphin is your wife a big reader?
We hope so, son. And no matter what your mother is, we'll love her anyway.
He goes to college with me!
You've been working in that video shop too long.
Carl makes me happy and that threatens this family, doesn't it?
I got somebody you could run over, Mother!
She's gonna kill Scotty!
Home Sweet Home! Everything's fine, kids!
Hi, Hank.
Look at this! "Hillside Strangler gets his college degree in prison!"
That's nice.
Sorry, son. This is a matter for adults.
Officers, I've never said the P-word out loud, much less written it down!
No woman would!
Chip, your ride is here.
Nothing like a home cooked meal, honey.
I can't stop thinking about that poor teacher. Goodnight, honey. Don't read late, we've got a big day with the birds tomorrow.
Goodnight, honey.
Don't I get a kiss?
I just thought with all the sadness... you wouldn't want...
We have to concentrate on life, Eugene.
It's fine with me, Beverly. You want to, honey? You think the kids are asleep?
We can be real quiet...
I love that you're my wife.
You're not bad yourself, coo-coo bird...
You bring me such peace...
Oohhhh, Eugene!
Shhhh..
Oooohhhh.
Don't wake the kids...
Oooohhh! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah! Oohhhh! Get it!
Ooh, honey, I'm ready! Now! Now!
There's Dede! He's my favorite chickadee! He's here every morning for breakfast.
I'm sorry, honey. But the birds will still be there next week.
Let's say grace and pray that we have the strength to understand the terrible tragedies of the last few days.
Beverly! Not the Sterners!
Beverly, I've been reading all about it... is it menopause?
Det. Bradford, I'm sorry but we don't allow gum chewing in this house.
Sorry, ma'am. We're investigating obscene phone calls and mail threats to a certain Mrs. Dottie Hinkle.
Contusions... fractures... rupture of numerous vital organs...
Did you drive your car to the PTA meeting yesterday, Mrs. Sutphin?
"P" as in...
Well, this magazine was found in your trash just last night... ...It's called "Chicks with Dicks".
Mrs. Hinkle, did you ever receive obscene telephone calls?
I certainly did.
Did you recognize the voice of the caller?
Not at first, but then I heard the same inflection in a voice at a social gathering and I put two and two together.
Who's voice was it, Dottie?
Objection! Argumentative!
Hello.
Is this the Cocksucker residence?
Goddamn you! STOP CALLING HERE!
Isn't this 4215 Pussy Way?
You bitch!
Let me check the zip - 212 Fuck you?
The police are tracing your call right this minute.
Well, Dottie, how come they're not here then, Fuck-Face?
FUCK YOU TOO, YOU ROTTEN WHORE!!
I beg your pardon?
Who is this?
Mrs. Wilson from the telephone company. I understand you're having problems with obscene calls.
What exactly does this sick individual say to you?
I know it's hard but we need the exact words.
Alright, I'll try... "Cocksucker". That's what she calls me.
Listen to your dirty mouth, you fucking whore!
MOTHERFUCKER!!
Just a half-a-cup. Hello, Dottie. I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles...
It's not fair!!
What did you just say?
Dottie! Watch what you're doing!
And we're going right to the flea market to get another one! Misty tells me there's a whole booth of Franklin Mint stuff. Dottie, you lock up. I'll take care of poor Rosemary!
Mrs. Hinkle... do you drink?
No, I don't.
So you weren't drunk when you received those alleged obscene phonecalls?
I certainly was not!
You mean to tell me the day I came over to Mrs. Ackerman's... the day you claim you recognized my voice... you weren't drinking?
So you do drink?
Socially... I'll have a beer.
Did you see her?! She just said "Fuck you" to me!
Let the record show I'm just standing here.
Mrs. Hinkle, are you insane?
State your name, please.
Marvin A. Pickles.
Were you in the men's room at the Edmonson Drive In Flea Market on Saturday, September 19th?
Mr. Pickle! Did you see anybody in the booth next to you?
I... I'm not sure... ...I... oohhh... Excuse me...
Ooohhhhhh! I made it all up! I never saw Beverly Sutphin in my life!
Who wants fruit salad?
I do, please.
That's not gum in your mouth, is it?
It's sugarless.
You know how I hate gum, Misty. All that chomping and cheesing...
And who may I ask is Carl?
He killed people, Mom.
Yummy. Carl says if I lose ten pounds, he'll take me to the University of Maryland Fall Mixer.
I'm stoodup! I'll kill that bastard!
It's him!
Damn these yellow-jackets! I hate 'em!
It's just not your day, is it Rosemary?
0h, that's horrible, honey. I sold the Pee-Wee Herman doll!!
Mother! Did you hear me?! Someone murdered Carl in the mensroom! I saw his dead body!
You got your wish.
Beverly, are you alright?
Rosemary, honey. Good morning. I'm fine. Thanks for remembering.
Just the damn cable TV company. You know how they are. Did you hear about Dottie Hinkle?
Yes, I did. It's terrifying! The police were at my house this morning.
That's like your car, Beverly,
Did you find your Franklin Mint egg, Rosemary darling?
I saw one, but it was ridiculously overpriced!
You want me to keep that under the table for you?
Beverly, honey, you've got some... ...do-do on your shoe.
Mrs. Ackerman, when you left me at the flea-market, where did you go?
...Browsing.
Did Carl Padgett buy something you wanted?
I didn't want that Faberge egg - it was chipped!
Carl Padgett died for the Franklin Mint, didn't he?!
That was your People magazine with the letters cut out, wasn't it?
Yes, but I lent it...
And those were your scissors found sticking out of Mrs. Sterner's stomach, weren't they?
Yes... but... I didn't...
Mrs. Ackerman, do you recycle?
Mrs... Sutphin?
Mrs. Sutphin, I'm Paul Stubbins, Chip's math teacher.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Stubbins. A little something I baked.
Oooohh! A fruit cake. Thank you, Mrs. Sutphin. Have a seat.
Chip is off to a fine start this year. Focused... conscientious... participates actively in classroom discussion.
He's a good boy.
What is it, Mr. Stubbins?
His unhealthy obsession with sick horror films.
He is assistant manager of a video shop...
That's no excuse for a morbid imagination. I caught him drawing this in class last week. Is there a problem at home?
Certainly not!
Divorce? An alcoholic relative? Tell me, did Chip torture animals when he was young?
No, he did not! We are a loving supportive family, Mr. Stubbins.
I don't know what it is about today, but I FEEL GREAT!
Man, that one made me puke!
You forgot something...
Are we leaving?
SHE DID IT! Aimed the car right at Mr. Stubbins and mowed him down!
Murder, honey.
What was that?
I didn't hear anything. Got any dessert?
Dr. Sutphin said no sweets for you.
What's he know?
What is it, Betty?
Young man, this Faberge Egg is chipped.
Yes, ma'am, it is.
I'll give you fifty cents.
That's a Franklin Mint piece. Eight dollars.
I'll take this instead.
You know who I am, August?
Sure I do.
Then you know that if I give you a little advice, it'll be good advice.
Yeah —- sure.
That girl was looking for Jacqueline Gibson. I'd forget it if I were you.
The name may not mean anything to you, young lady, but say the word and I'll have your sister for you in forty-eight hours.
You can?
Look, sister', Manhattan is only nine miles long and four and one half miles wide. I ain't never been off it. I know it like you know your own back yard. You get me a small retainer --say fifty bucks, and I'll get your sister for you. I guarantee
I've been waitin' for you Miss Gibson. I want you to know I've decided to take your case.
Mr. August, I'm not at all sure -
Look. Don't say a word. I've taken an interest in you and I'm willin' to put up my time to help you. Besides, I think I know where to find your sister.
Where?
Wait a minute. This has got a lot of angles. You've got to take it easy. Do you know a Mrs. Redi?
Yes. She bought my sister's business.
That's what she told you. I looked it up at the Hall of Records. Your sister deeded her the business as an outright girt.
Why would Mrs. Redi lie to me?
That's what I tried to find out. I went to La Jeunesse —— -- used a phony health inspector's badge —— they let me go through the works -- all but one room. That room was locked. I'd like to see the inside of that room.
You think my sister is there?
You can't tell.
Can we go there now?
Sister, you can't just go breaking into places. There's a night watchman down there and locks on the door.
If my sister's in that room, it won't make any difference about warrants- and things, I want to go there.
I don't like this.
Which room is it?
You scared?
Yes.
Let's get out of here.
It's only a little way, Mr. August.
I'd like to get out of here.
We can't stand here all night.
You could go and open the door.
The acceptance of a secret is an obligation and in this case my dear, the obligation carried with it the necessity of dying if one betrayed that secret. You understand that don't you?
Yes, I understand.
Then, you also understand that you must die.
When I wanted to.
May I have some water? I'm thirsty.
Drink.
No.
Mr. Ward will see you in just a few minutes. Won't you wait, Dr. Judd?
Are you Dr. Louis Judd?
Yes.
I read your book. The one in which you wrote about the cure for drinking.
You're not a dipsomaniac at your age?
I've come from Jacqueline. She needs money.
I thought you told me you didn't know where she was.
I didn't. She came to me a few days ago. To put it delicately her care imposes a financial burden upon me. She thought you might lighten that burden.
If Jacqueline wants money she can come to me herself.
I'm afraid she can't do that, Ward. It would endanger her.
You're a curious man. You're willing to jeopardize Jacqueline's life in order to satisfy your own curiosity.
It's not just for myself I'm asking. Her sister is here. The kid's half crazy with anxiety.
Well, then I can tell you that in addition to other dangers, there is a grave danger of Jacqueline losing her sanity. I would advise against you seeing her.
How much does she want?
She could use a hundred dollars.
I'll give you a check.
I haven't got that much in cash.
How much have you got?
About forty-five dollars.
Tell me, how is Jacqueline?
But tell me --
She's nervous, naturally, under the circumstances.
Why, Mary --
Hello, Frances.
How's Miss Jacqueline?
I don't know. That's why I came to see Mrs. Redi. I'm trying to find her.
I don't get this. Miss Jacqueline was always so fond of you -- she was always talking about you -— had your picture in her office.
I know. For the first time I'm beginning to be frightened. I almost feel as if I'd never known my sister.
Nothing's happened to her. It's just that I can't understand her not getting in touch with you.
I can't understand it at all.
Well, don't worry. I saw Miss Jacqueline only a week ago. I saw her at a little restaurant the boy friend took me to -- an Italian place down in the Village —- "The Dante."
"The Dante?"
It's on Peary Street. Just ask the people who run it. They'll remember her. People who see Miss Jacqueline never forget her.
I can't see much fun in teaching school. Why don't you go into the beauty business.
But I like teaching school.
Well, if it's fun for you, it's all right. I get a kick out of my work when the customers aren't too crabby.
Is Mrs. Redi nice to work for?
Redi's all right.
She seems rather an odd woman to me.
She's a pretty good sort.
It always seemed to me she was sort of lonely and unhappy.
The tip is, anyhow. I like to work on your hair.
Do you know what this is, Frances?
I ought to know.
What did she want?
I did her hair.
What were you talking about?
Nothing.
Nothing! That's absurd. I heard you laughing and talking, She was asking questions.
She was just asking about you - Whether it was nice to work for you or not.
And that was all?
No. She asked about the trademark.
What did she want to know?
She showed me a drawing.
Some of us, Frances, must believe without understanding.
We're not exactly strangers, Mary. Jacqueline spoke about you often. I suppose she told you about me,
No...At the morgue they told me a Mr. Gregory Ward had made inquiries about Jacqueline.
The Morgue? No wonder you fainted. I wish you had come to me first.
Then you know where Jacqueline is?
But I'd give a great deal to know.
Why?
A man would look anywhere for her, Mary. There is something exciting and unforgettable about her -— something you never get hold of —- something that keeps a man following after her.
Because I loved Jacqueline I thought I knew her. Today I found out such strange things ——frightening things. I saw a hangman's noose that she had hanging -— waiting —— I feel as if I'd never known her.
At least I can explain that, Mary. Your sister had a feeling about life —— that it wasn't worth living unless one could end it. I helped her get that room.
Weren't you afraid?
Afraid she might commit suicide? People who commit suicide don't talk about it. That room made her happy in some strange way I couldn't understand. She lived in a world of her own fancy. She didn't always tell the truth. In fact -— I'm afraid she didn't know what the truth was. There were many things about Jacqueline I didn't understand, and yet, without
Thank you. It was a lovely dinner.
Good.
You can't make it your life's work looking for Jacqueline. ) You'll have to do other things... live...get some enjoyment out of life. I hope you'll let me help you.
Thank you.. .goodnight.
This is about another murder —— a woman at Fifty Second Street
But you do believe me?
The important thing is, the police won't believe you.
Yes, of course —— but the police would say you'd probably had a bad dream.
He was a kind little man in his way —— and I made him go down that hall into the darkness. I made him do it.
I'm sorry. I didn't intend to treat you like a child.
But you have treated me that way.
However, I won't say that I'll not take charge occasionally, and I'm going to take charge new. I've a job for you.
A job?
You told me you were pretty good with youngsters. Today I bumped into an old friend of mine, Mrs. Wheeler She runs a settlement house down in the Village and is looking for a kindergarten teacher.
I'd like that.
It's not much money, but it's enough to live on. You'd have to move out of that hotel and into a furnished room.
Maybe the Romaris might have a room. They seem nice.
The people at the restaurant?
What brought you down here, Greg?
Oh, I had business with a man... but I missed him -—
What have you done about Irving August?
Oh, I'm making investigations.
You've never believed a word I told you about Mr. August.
Look, Mary, now that I know you better, I think I can be more frank with you. I don't believe you. I still can't understand the reason for such a wild tale. It's like some of Jacqueline's stories.
Greg, it isn't a wild tale. It's true. If there were only some way --
Please —- I can't explain things like this to your right ear.
Last night in this very restaurant Mr. Jason Hoag paid a very pretty compliment to my right ear.
Who the devil is he?
You could have told me any time you were Jacqueline's husband.
Things changed, Mary. The reasons for finding Jacqueline changed. I want to find Jacqueline to settle things.
She's got to be found. That's the first step. She's got to be found so that she can give herself up to the police.
Don't. We know what happened. Don't go on.
Any court in the land would understand. We'll wait a few days -- let you rest -- then we'll go to the police.
I thought I might close up the apartment -- maybe get a place in Connecticut.
Good night, Jacqueline -- good night, Mary.
That was Dr. Judd. He was phoning to say that, Jacqueline is on her way here -
Gregory —— you'd better take Jacqueline with you tonight.
No. Stay that way. I want to talk to you. I love you -— you know that?
Yes.
I've never loved any one before, Gregory, and I do love you -— you must know it -- but Jacqueline's my sister —— whom I had lost and have found again....
I know —— I shouldn't have told you—
I'm going to find your sister.
I don't think that's a good subject for jokes, Mr. Hoag.
But I'm not joking.
Don't be ridiculous. For months I've had the best private detective in New York looking for Miss Gibson.
But I'm better than a detective. I have an understanding of people - and a love of them -- an understanding of the city - -
You don't even know Jacqueline Gibson.
But I understand her. That may be more important.
Mary, when you first came here, I told you to look into your heart. You didn't listen to me. You listened to the policeman instead. You didn't find your sister, did you?
Well?
All very nice but, what are you going to do - listen at every house in New York for Jacqueline's voice?
I'm looking for a party -- a merry party.
Do you think he knows about this?
I don't know.
He's clever and he's cautious in his way. If he knew I think he'd advise her to do what I want —- surrender herself to the police —— stand trial —— I don't think he knows.
Could you find him?
What's that?
Let her know what?
She'll have to know some time.
Who are you?
I'm Mimi -- I'm dying.
No!
Yes. It's been quiet, oh ever so quiet. I hardly move, yet it keeps coming all the time -—closer and closer. I rest and rest and yet I am dying.
And you don't want to die. I've always wanted to die -- always.
I'm tired of being afraid -— of waiting.
Why wait?
I'm not going to wait. I'm going out -- laugh, dance --do all the things I used to do.
And then?
I don't know.
Please, Jacqueline.
Good-bye, darling. I'll only be gone until three.
Good-bye.
If you get lonely, go down and see Mrs. Romari. I told her you were staying with me.
You'll be all right?
Were you going to make a suggestion?
Well,then I have spoiled your dinner -- "your food won't digest, and your wine will sour."
At least you knew about Dr. Judd.
Yes.
And you knew he'd be here.
Yes. And now that I've shown you that I know that much, and can guess more -- will you trust me to look for Jacqueline?
It's terribly sweet of you, Jason.
I have been at the library.
But you're always at the library.
I went as a detective. I found out that Mrs. Redi reads the same books as Dr. Judd.
I don't think that's so revealing.
But who is Judd, a psychiatrist. It's quite natural that he should read books on the history of old religious societies. But why should Mrs. Redi, a woman with a beauty parlor --?
I don't know.
That's it. And this figure --she traced it. The book I saw at the library had been marked "perfect" by the library inspector in March. Mrs. Redi had it out in April. No one else had read it since.
I'm at sea, Jason.
Such a simple matter. This figure is the symbol of the Palladists.
It's all clear to me now -- so clear.
I thought it would be, but just to be sure, I'll tell you that the Palladists are a society of Devil worshippers --
Look. I'm serious. It's a real and vary earnest society -- a dangerous society...
I can imagine.
I want you to see my room. I want you to see all of it.
But it's a small room, Jason.
My window - - through which I see the world.
It's beautiful -- that searchlight - the stars --
It's not a searchlight —— it's a sword blade cutting the blue cloak of a prince —- not stars --
I thought your coming up here to the third floor to see me —-that it was your advent into my world. It turns out to be good-by. Why?
I have to go —-
It isn't that -- you said, "have to go." What could compel you --
Don't make me tell you, Jason.
I had begun to write again -—that's whet I was doing when you came in.
It's because of Jacqueline —— I can't go on looking for her --
You went to see Mrs. Redi... She told you something -- what was it?
Jacqueline is a murderess she killed a man.
And you believe that?
If it is true — there's all the more reason for you to find Jacqueline.
And Gregory -- he loves her.
He loves you, Mary, and you'll have to tell him.
I can't find Gregory. I've been trying to find him.
What's wrong, Mary?
Jacqueline. Mr. Romari phoned me. She went out this afternoon with two men he'd never seen before.
I hate people who try to peddle comfort. But,Mary, you shouldn't mourn for Jacqueline. Life for her was full of the agony of a disordered mind. It's better this way.
Not I —- I am alive, yet every hope I had is dead, Death can be good. Death can be happy.. If I were really dying I could speak like Cyrano -— "My courage like a white plume" — and all the other lovely words with which he greeted death. Then perhaps you might understand,
I understand.
Ah, my Jason -- always laughing -- always trying to help others. He's a good boy, Miss -- he just talks that way.
Jason, my pet ——
What are you thinking of, Bella? Can I eat dry?
Why can't everyone be happy like we are -- laugh and have good times. Look at that poor little one — so sad because she can't find her sister. And that man with her -— he doesn't make her laugh —— he just sits and talks.
We are happy, Mrs. Romari, because you have everything —— and I am happy because I have nothing to lose.
Oh, Mr. Jason. I really shouldn't be doing this, you know. It's against the rules. When did you say you wanted them?
I want to see what they read so I'll know what kind of books to give my friends as presents. There's nothing nicer for a gift than a book.
And the other was Judd?
Yes, Dr. Louis Judd.
Would it be asking too much, Miss Gottschalk, for you to get me these books?
Why, Mr. Jason. Most of these books are on the closed shelf. You have to get permission.
I wouldn't want to take them out. I just want to look at them.
Where is Jacqueline Gibson?
What a peculiar question.
I saw you with her last week. I knew you'd be here tonight. Where is she?
See that girl? That's Jacqueline's sister. It's because of her I ask.
But why come to me?
Because there was another girl— years ago -- a nice girl. She lived on Barrow Street. I saw her with you once -— I saw her with you twice and then I never saw her again. That's why.
What was she to you?
I don't think that you would understand if I told you.
I think I understand without your telling me. I know something of your history, Jason. I know that you haven't written for ten years.
I've lost my knack.
Following me to find Jacqueline?
Uh—huh.
Well, it won't work. Love and understanding won't make a good detective out of a recalcitrant poet.
Actually I want to ask two favors of you -- one as a poet —— one as a detective.
This is curious, Jason. Half the time you talk as if Shakespeare were not fit to tie your shoe—laces; now this sudden humility.
And this poetry —— like the poetry you wrote before extols the passion and beauty of life?
It goes beyond that. It praises the goodness of God and the greatness of all His works.
I hope it finds as much favor as your other book -- but somehow I doubt it -- the time is out of tune.
Wait —- there is that other favor.
I'd forgotten.
Tell me where Jacqueline is -— we've got to find her.
You don't expect me to do that do you?
Yes. When I tell you.
Tell me what?
Tell me, why this sudden desire to publish — to awaken like Byron and find yourself famous.
I think it's time.
Perhaps.
I'm afraid this is no time to play Cyrano, my friend. What was in your mind?
I suppose, Jason, that you'll speak for your friend -- -- and your poetry will speak for you.
I don't suppose you'll ever tell her, will you?
She is very young -- I have an old habit of failure. It would be a bad habit to bring to a marriage.
A book of successful verse might have changed that, eh?
If you like, I'll go with you to dinner.
What?
Dr. Judd?
Don't be so amazed. It's a very ordinary matter. I'm Jacqueline's physician... Mr. Ward told me you were in town and Jacqueline has sent me to bring you to her.
You know where she is?
It's my cloven hoof. It trips me up sometimes.
Cloven hoof?
Yes. You could become a country wife -- fool around with petunias and pullets.
Would they hurt her?
I know the others -- Redi, Fallon, Leo, Bruns. But I would never have guessed it of you, Natalie.
One believes -— it's like any other religion...
I'd hardly describe It that way —- The worship of evil is a pretty dreadful and special thing.
It seems right to us.
I know the theory behind the movement. If one believes in good one believes in evil. If one believes in God, one must believe in the devil. And an intelligent person can make his own choice —— that's it, isn't it?
Because you are intelligent -- that's why they sent me to you --
I think I can give you a more practical reason for your kind invitation. I know too much. I was Jacqueline's psycho-analyst.
Perhaps, Natalie, this is a bargain you're offering me --I am being allowed to join -- to buy safety by betraying Jacqueline -- is that it?
I haven't said anything of the sort.
But you would like to know where she is?
Yes. There are certain punitive measures...
I'm afraid you have mistaken my motive, Louis. I thought you might understand and sympathize.
I have no sympathy for either good or evil. I have only curiosity -- a professional curiosity. What unhappy people most of you are!
Are we? I thought I was very gay.
I was a great dancer...
A strange collection. You're like the false god you worship... fallen angels, all of you.
Life has betrayed us. We've found there is no heaven on earth, so we must worship evil for evil's own sake. We're not wicked. We commit no violence, unless...
Unless what?
No, you draw no secrets from me, as you drew them from Jacqueline. You are not one of us yet. You're clever, Louis, but I recognize your interest in me for what it is worth. You are only curious. You have never loved a woman who had but one arm.
It would be a charming experience. She might only protest half as much.
Is it about Jacqueline?
I don't know how to begin this, Natalie. Perhaps it's best to just plunge in. I want to join you.
We always knew you'd come to us, Louis.
But I'm not coming to you out of deep conviction, I'm coming to you out of loss. I no longer can believe in the power and the rightness of things that are called good.
I never thought you did.
I've talked nonsense. I've scoffed and hooted -- but somewhere very deep down in me, I always felt that good held the balance of power.
This is incredible I It must be some sort of a joke.
I'm very, very serious.
But you have never liked Jason. You always laughed at him - -quarreled with him --
This is the most amusing thing I have ever heard and with a bit of gossip to season it —— your failure with Jacqueline. Has she returned to her husband?
But you must know someone who has seen or heard of my sister.
Mrs. Redi, there's one thing —-with Jacqueline gone, how do you carry on the business? What do you do with the receipts? How do you sign checks--?
Mary, I'm amazed. Didn't Jacqueline tell you? She sold the business to me at least eight months ago. It's my business now.
I didn't know.
There's nothing you can think of -- old letters, anything, that might give me some hint as to where I might find Jacqueline?
Leave me your address, and if I find anything, I'll get in touch with you.
I'm stopping at the Chatsworth.
I'm afraid not.
Yes.
This is Mrs. Redi, Mary.
I'll be out in a minute.
If I were you, Mary -- I'd go back to school. I'd make no further attempt to find Jacqueline.
Why?
I can almost feel your doubt about what I'm saying, Mary.
I can't give up looking for her, Mrs. Redi, no matter what you're hinting at.
I have no intention whatsoever of hinting. Your sister, Mary, is a murderess. She killed Irving August -- stabbed him out of fright when he discovered where she was hiding.
I don't believe it.
Once you'd seen my sister you'd never forget her.
Yes —— yes, if she made that much impression on you, I'm sure it was Jacqueline.
She's not been here for a long time.
But she was here?
You mean she just came here, rented the room, locked it, and left?
Yes -- and pays the rent every month.
Your sister - - have you heard from her lately?
No, Mrs. Lowood, she doesn't write often.
That makes it all the more difficult ——
Difficult? Has anything happened to Jacqueline?
We don't know, Mary. We've been unable to get in touch with your sister.
Sometimes she can be quite careless. Why don't you try Mrs. Redi?
I have written repeatedly to Mrs. Redi. She vouchsafes no information whatsoever. It is six months since your tuition has been paid, Mary. Naturally, it is impossible for you to stay on here as a paying pupil.
But, Mrs. Lowood, I can't just stay here not knowing what's happened to my sister. Maybe if I went to New York -- if I saw Mrs. Redi myself --
I'm worry to bother you. I want to ask you about my sister.
Yes?
I thought you might know her. She was seen here about a week ago. Her name is Jacqueline Gibson.
I don't know no Gibson. This is a restaurant. Many people come here.
No -- the rent in paid. The lady asked us to promise, I wouldn't open the door.
Fo come ti pare. To desiderare sempre di vedere che cosa c'era in quella stanza.
Miss Gibson, I'm tired of resting.
Is it fifteen minutes yet?
Children, I want you to be very good and very quiet while I see Mrs. Wheeler a moment. She's going to take over this class for a while.
Why
Because I have something very important to do.
What?
I'll be right back with Mrs. Wheeler.
I went back through the history last night. I read about Johann Rozenquartz -- I read what he wrote --
I can quote it fully, Mrs. Redi. "We will avoid violence. For once undertaken, violence becomes its own master and can lead to either good or evil."
But he also wrote --
But she told him, Frances. She told him about us.
It is a very real danger and one which forces our decision.
I have taken care of Mary. I've spoken to her. She's going back to school.
I'm sorry to be late, Natalie.
Sorry. I'm nervous. This is very trying for me.
I know. You introduced Jacqueline to us -- but how could you tell —-
Jacqueline, you have spoken so often of ending it all, I can't understand why this should be so difficult for you. You have only to drink a little.
You have only to stretch out your hand, take up the glass and drink a little.
Ann?
Yes?
That was quick.
False alarm.
We... don't usually let people smoke in the house. We have a patio if you --
Do you have other things?
Yes. Oh, you mean to bring in! No. Yes, I have some other things, no, I don't need to bring them in. This is all I need to stay here.
Have you ever been on television?
Television?
Yes.
No. Why?
Graham is an unusual name.
Yeah, I guess it is. My mother is a complete Anglophile, anything British makes her drool like a baby. She probably heard the name in some movie. She's a prisoner of public television now.
Oh, uh-huh.
Are you uncomfortable with my appearance?
No, I think you look... fine.
Oh. Well, maybe I'm uncomfortable with my appearance. I feel a little out of place in these surroundings.
Well...
I used to take great pleasure in that, being purposefully different, rubbing people's noses in it. Didn't you do that when you were younger?
No, not really.
Oh. Well, I did. I was in a band once, and the music was always secondary to just flat out offending as many people as possible.
You play an instrument?
No, I was in charge of kind of standing at the microphone and reciting these really depressing lyrics in a monotone. The whole thing was really... irrelevant. How do you like being married?
Oh, I like it. I like it very much.
What about it do you like? I'm not being critical, I'd really like to know.
...free-lance. You know.
Yes. So you feel security, stability. Like things are going to last awhile.
Oh, definitely. I mean, just this past year has gone by like phew! I hardly even knew it passed.
Oh, uh-huh.
Anyway, I think the mind is very flexible as far as time is concerned.
You mean like "time flies"?
Exactly. I would say the fact that you feel the first year of your marriage has gone by quickly means lots of things. Or could mean lots of things.
How long has it been since you've seen John?
Nine years.
Nine years?
Yes. I was surprised that he accepted when I asked if I could stay here until I found a place.
Why? Didn't you know him well?
Why'd you drop out?
Oh, lots of reasons, most of them boring. But, up until I dropped out, John and I were... very much alike.
That's hard to believe. The two of you seem so different.
This food is excellent.
Mother, father, sister.
Sister older or younger?
I don't know.
Do I pay taxes? Of course I pay taxes, only a liar doesn't pay taxes, I'm not a liar. A liar is the second lowest form of human being.
What's the first?
Would you mind?
No.
Maybe you'll understand this, because you know John, but he confuses me sometimes.
Yeah, I know. I mean, I'm not saying I know people think you're a bitch, I'm saying I know what you mean. And I don't even know that people think you're a bitch. Do they?
I feel like they do.
I know that I just don't feel a connection with very many people, so I don't waste time with people I don't feel one with.
Can I tell you something personal? I feel like I can. It's something I couldn't tell John. Or wouldn't, anyway.
It's up to you. But I warn you, if you tell me something personal, I might do the same.
Do you understand what I'm trying to say?
I think so. I remember reading somewhere that men learn to love what they're attracted to, whereas women become more and more attracted to the person they love.
So what about kids?
Kids? What about them?
Do you want them?
Yeah, actually, I do. But John doesn't. At least not right now.
Why is that?
So what's your personal thing? Are you really going to tell me something personal?
Do you want me to?
As long as it's not... gross, you know? Like some scar or something. It has to be like mine, like something about you.
You're what?
Impotent.
You are?
Does it bother you?
Not usually. I mean, honestly, I haven't known many guys that could think straight with an erection, so I feel I'm way ahead of the game as far as being clear-headed goes.
Well... are you self-conscious about it?
I am self-conscious, but not in the same way that you are. You have got to be the most attractive self- conscious person I've ever seen.
Why do you say I'm self-conscious?
Well, I've been watching you. I've watched you eat, I've watched you speak, I've watched the way you move, and I see somebody who is extremely conscious of being looked at. I think you really believe that people are looking at you all the time. And you know what?
What?
They are looking at you. Ann, you are truly breathtaking. I don't know if you understand how your appearance can affect people. Men want to possess you, women wish they looked like you. And those that don't or can't resent you. And the fact that you're a nice person just makes it worse.
My therapist said that --
You're in therapy?
Aren't you?
Hah! No, I'm not. Actually, I used to be, but the therapist I had was really ineffectual in helping me deal with my problems. Of course, I lied to him constantly, so I guess I can't hold him totally responsible...
So you don't believe in therapy?
I believe in it for some people. I mean, for me it was silly, I was confused going in. So I just formed my own personal theory that you should never take advice from someone of the opposite sex that doesn't know you intimately.
Well, my therapist knows me intimately.
You had sex with you therapist?
Of course not.
Oh, see, I meant someone you've had sex with. That's part of the theory.
Excuse me for asking, but how would you know?
Now, you said never take advice from someone that you don't know intimately, right?
So since I've never had sex with you, by your own advice I shouldn't accept your advice.
Hi!
Ann. Hello.
Are you in the middle of something?
Nothing I can't finish later.
I just wanted to see how the place looked furnished.
Not much to see, I'm afraid. I'm sort of cultivating a minimalist vibe.
What are these?
Videotapes.
It's a personal project I'm working on.
What kind of personal project?
Oh, just a personal project like anyone else's personal project. Mine's just a little more personal.
Who's Donna?
Donna?
Donna. On this tape it says "Donna".
Donna was a girl I knew in Florida.
You went out with her?
Because I enjoy interviewing women more than men.
All of these are interviews?
Yes.
Can we look at one?
No.
Why not?
What... what are these interviews about?
The... interviews are about sex, Ann.
About sex?
Yes.
What about sex?
Everything about sex.
Like what?
Like what they've done, what they do, what they don't do, what they want to do but are afraid to ask for, what they won't do even if asked. Anything I can think of.
You just ask them questions?
Yes.
And they just answer them?
Mostly. Sometimes they do things.
To you?
No, not to me, for me, for the camera.
I don't... why... why do you do this?
I'm sorry this came up.
This is just... so...
Maybe you want to go.
I'm not sure why I came here. I had kind of decided not to talk to you after... you know.
John and Cynthia have been... "fucking".
I know.
You know?
Yes.
How did you know?
She said it on her tape.
Why didn't you tell me?
But even if we had been speaking, I wouldn't have told you.
Why not?
Do you think that's such a good idea?
Don't you want to make one?
Yes. But I sense the element of revenge here.
What difference does it make why I do it?
I want you to be aware of what you're doing and why, because I know that this is not the sort of thing you would do in a normal frame of mind.
What would you know about a normal frame of mind?
That's a good question.
What do you have to do to get ready?
Load a new tape, turn the camera on.
How do you pay for all this? I mean, rent, and tapes and this equipment.
I have money.
What will you do when the money runs out?
It won't. Are you ready?
Tell me your name.
Tell me your name.
Ann Bishop Millaney.
Do you talk to him?
When we're making love?
Yes.
Sometimes. Afterward.
You don't know what I'm thinking.
Is he going to see this?
Did you have sex before you were married?
Yes.
I don't see what difference it makes, I mean, I can think what I want. I don't know if I want to do this anymore, I'm afraid... I don't mind answering the questions so much, but if somebody were to see this...
Yes, I have. I will.
Then as far as this taping goes, you have nothing to worry about.
I guess not.
No.
Yes. Whenever... all right, look. Whenever I see a man that I think is attractive, I wonder what it would be like with him, I mean, I'm just curious, I don't act on it, but I hate that I think that!! I wish I could just forget about that stuff!!
Why?
Because that's how Cynthia thinks!! All she does is think about that stuff, and I hate that, I don't want to be like her, I don't want to be like her!!
You're not like your sister. You couldn't be like her if you wanted to.
So you do fantasize?
Yes.
About who?
I fantasized about you.
About me?
Have you fantasized about me?
I thought I made that clear before, when I said I would go down on you.
I remember. You could do that, couldn't you? Go down on me?
Yes.
If I asked you to, would you? Not on tape, I mean?
No.
On tape?
No.
Why not?
If I can't do it all, I don't want to do anything. And I can't do it all.
Can't.
You said you weren't always impotent.
That's correct.
So you have had sex.
Yes.
Who was the last person you had sex with?
Her name was Elizabeth.
So what happened? Was it so bad that it turned you off?
No, it was wonderful. That wasn't the problem.
What was the problem?
The problem was me. I was... I was a pathological liar. Or am, I should say. Lying is like alcoholism, one is always "recovering".
So you lied to her?
Yes. I did. Willfully and repeatedly.
How come?
I loved her for how good she made me feel, and I hated her for how good she made me feel. And at that time, I tended to express my feelings non- verbally. I couldn't handle anyone having that much control over my emotions.
And now you can?
Now I make sure that no one has the opportunity to test me.
Don't you get lonely?
How could I, with all these nice people stopping by? The fact is that I've lived by myself for so long, I can't imagine living with another person. It's amazing what you can get used to if enough time goes by. And anyway, I'm asking the questions. Are you happy?
I don't know anymore. I thought I was, but obviously I was wrong.
Did you confront John with the fact that you knew about him?
Not yet. I'm not sure I will. I just want out.
If you do get out of your marriage, will you continue to be inhibited?
I don't know. It all gets back to that Cynthia thing. I don't like her... eagerness. There's nothing left to imagine, there's no...
Subtlety?
Subtlety, yes. No subtlety. Plus, I've never really felt able to open up with anyone. I mean, that other person I told you about, I enjoyed making love with him a lot, but I still wasn't able to really let go. I always feel like I'm being watched and I shouldn't embarrass myself.
And you feel the same way with John?
Kind of. I mean, John's like this kind of... craftsman. Like he's a carpenter, and he makes really good tables. But that's all he can make, and I don't need anymore tables.
Interesting analogy.
I'm babbling.
No, you're not.
God, I m so mad at him!!
You should be. He lied to you. So did Cynthia.
You're really never going to make love again?
If you were in love with me, would you?
I'm not in love with you.
But if you were?
I... I can't answer that precisely.
But I feel like maybe I could be really comfortable with you.
That's very flattering.
So why won't you make love with me? Why wouldn't you, I mean?
Ann. Are you asking me hypothetically, or are you asking me for real, right now?
I can't.
Why not?
I've told you.
But I don't understand --
Ann, it could happen to me all over again, don't you see? I could start to --
But how do you know for sure, you have to try to find a way to fig --
Who? Elizabeth?
Yes.
You mean you're still in contact with her?
No.
But you're planning to be?
I don't know. Possibly.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. What's going on here? Did you come back here just to see her again?
Not entirely.
But that was part of it?
Yes.
Like maybe a big part?
Possibly.
Graham, I mean, what do you think her reaction is going to be if you contact her?
I don't know.
Look at you, look at what's happened to you, look how you've changed! Don't you think she will have changed?
I don't know. I really would rather not talk about it.
Whoa!! I'm so glad we got that on tape!! You won't answer a question about Elizabeth, but I have to answer all these intimate questions about my sex life!! Graham, what do you think she's going to make of all these videotapes? Are you going to tell her about them? I can't imagine her being too understanding about that. But since you don't lie
As I said, I haven't decided what to do, exactly. Perhaps I won't do anything.
All right, you want to talk about lies, let's talk about lies, Ann. Let's talk about lying to yourself. You haven't been able to sleep with your husband because you're no longer in love with him, and maybe you never were. You haven't been honest with yourself in longer than you can remember.
Don't do that.
Why not?
Because.
"Because"? That's not good enough. I asked you a question, Graham. I asked you "how does it feel"? How does it feel, Mr. I Want To Go Down On You But I Can't? Do you know how many people you've sucked into your weird little world? Including me? Come on, how does it feel?
I can't tell you like this.
I'm just going to keep asking until you answer. I'm sure there's plenty of tape.
I don't find this "turning the tables" thing very interesting --
Come on!!
Why are you ashamed?
Jesus Christ, Ann. Why is anybody anything? I think you have this idea that people are either all good or all bad, and you don't allow for any gray areas, and that's what most of us consist of.
You're not answering me.
Well, what kind of answer are you looking for, Ann? What is it exactly that you want to know?
I want to know why you are the way you are!
And I'm telling you it's not any one thing that I can point to and say "That's why!" It doesn't work that way with people who have problems, Ann, it's not that neat, it's not that tidy! It's not a series of little boxes that you can line up and count. Things just don't happen that way.
But why can't you just put it all behind you? Can't you just forget it? All that stuff you did?
I want to touch you.
Graham...
That's the first thing that ran through my mind when I saw you. I thought this is not the same man that rode the unicycle naked through the homecoming parade.
Oh, we get along okay. She's just very... she's an extrovert. I think she's loud. She probably wouldn't agree. Definitely wouldn't agree.
Graham and I were talking about apartments and I told him to check the Garden District, there are some nice little places there, garage apartments and stuff.
John?
Mmmmm...
Tuesday. I had a late lunch.
Yes. I just got busy.
Then maybe I saw an old message. There are a lot of them on my desk, you know.
Who'd you have lunch with?
Something wrong?
Are you having an affair?
Jesus Christ, where'd that come from? I have a late lunch by myself and now I'm fucking somebody?
Well, are you?
No, I'm not. Frankly, I'm offended at the accusation.
If I'm right, I want to know. I don't want you to lie. I'd be very upset, but not as upset as if I'd found out you'd been lying.
There's nothing to know, Ann.
I can't tell you how upset I would be if you were lying.
Ann, you are completely paranoid. Not ten minutes ago I wanted to make love for the first time in weeks, and you act like I'm dipped in shit. You know, I think there are a lot of women that would be glad to have a young, straight male making a pretty good living beside them in bed with a hard on.
My sister, for one. Is that who it is?
For God's sake, Ann, I am not fucking your sister. I don't find her that attractive, for one.
Is that supposed to comfort me?
I was just saying, you know? I didn't get paranoid when you didn't want to make love. I could have easily assumed that you didn't want to because you were having an affair.
But I'm not.
I'm not either!!
Why don't I believe you?
Look, this conversation is utterly ridiculous. Maybe when you have some evidence, we should talk, but don't give me conjecture and intuition.
Always the lawyer.
Goddam right. I mean, can you imagine: "Your honor, I'm positive this man is guilty. I can't place him at the scene or establish a motive, but I have this really strong feeling."
You've made your point.
I'm sorry, too. I... I get these ideas in my head, you know, and I have nothing to do all day but sit around and concoct these intricate scenarios. And then I want to believe it so I don't think I've wasted the whole day. Last week I was convinced you were having an affair with Cynthia, I don't know why.
I don't, either. I mean, Cynthia, of all people. She's so...
Loud.
Yeah. Jeez, give me some credit.
I didn't say it was rational, I just said I was convinced.
Isn't therapy helping at all?
I don't know. Sometimes I feel stupid babbling about my little problems while children are starving in the world.
Quitting your therapy won't feed the children of Ethiopia.
Jesus Christ! What the hell happened? I came home and your car was gone, the door was open, I thought for sure you'd been abducted by some mad fucker, I was literally just calling the cops when you walked in. What happened?
I want out of this marriage.
What?
I want out of this marriage.
Why?
Where did you go when you left here?
Goddammit, goddammit!! That son of a bitch!! Well, at least I know you didn't fuck him.
You're leaving me for him, aren't you? Well, that makes a sad sort of sense. He can't, and you won't.
Answer me, godammit!! Did you make one of those tapes?
Goddam right.
Bastard...
You son of a bitch!!
I have thought about it, yes.
God damn you!!
Yes, I remember. What do you do when these moods overtake you?
Nothing. I mean, nothing. I try not to do anything that will produce garbage, so obviously we're talking about eating and basic stuff like that. Did you know that the average person produces three pounds of garbage a day?
No, I didn't.
Don't you think that's a lot of garbage? I'd really like to know where it's all going to go.
Do you have any idea what triggered this concern?
Well, this weekend John was taking out the garbage, and he kept spilling things out of the container, and I started imagining a container that grew garbage, like it just kept filling up and overflowing all by itself, and how could you stop that if it started happening?
Ann, do you see a pattern here?
What do you mean?
Well, last week we talked about your obsession with the families of airline fatalities, and now we're talking about your concern over the garbage problem.
Yeah, so?
If you think about it, I think you'll see that the object of your obsession is invariably something negative that you couldn't possibly have any control over.
Are you afraid of his reaction? Of his finding you silly for thinking of such things?
No. I don't know. I haven't told him about the garbage thing because I'm pissed off at him right now. He's letting some old college buddy stay at our house for a couple of days, and he didn't even ask me about it. I mean, I would've said yes, I just wish he would've asked.
What upsets you about that?
I guess I'm upset because I can't really justify being upset, I mean, it's his house, really, he pays the mortgage.
But he asked you to quit your job, and you do have housework.
Yeah, I know.
This unexpected visit notwithstanding, how are things with John?
When did you begin having this feeling?
About a week ago. I don't know what brought it on, I just started feeling like I didn't want him to touch me.
Prior to this feeling, were you comfortable having physical contact with him?
Perhaps he senses your hesitance at being touched.
But see, he stopped before I got that feeling, that's why it seems weird to me. I mean, I'm sure he wishes I would initiate things once in awhile, and I would except it never occurs to me, I'm always thinking about something else and then the few times that I have felt like starting something I was by myself.
What do you mean?
Did you masturbate?
God, no.
I take it you've never masturbated?
Well, I kind of tried once. It just seemed stupid, I kept seeing myself lying there and it seemed stupid, and kind of, uh, I don't know, and then I was wondering if my dead grandfather could see me doing this, and it just seemed like a dumb thing to be doing when we don't know what to do with all that garbage, you
So it was recently that you tried this.
Well, I don't know. The week started off okay, but then I was outside watering the plants, and I started feeling dizzy from the heat and that got me thinking about the Greenhouse Effect, so I went inside and turned on the air-conditioner full blast, and that made me feel a little better until I started thinking about radon leakage coming up through the
Radon leakage?
Yes, it's this radioactive gas in the ground, and houses kind of act like magnets to pull it up, and -- you've never heard of this?
No, I haven't.
Well, the cumulative effect is not good, let me tell you. I knew I shouldn't have watered those plants.
Did you confront John about the visitor?
What visitor?
The friend of John's that was staying at your house.
Oh, Graham. No, I didn't talk to him about that. Actually, that turned out to be pretty interesting. I expected Graham to be this... well, like John, you know? I mean, he said they had gone to school together, so I was expecting lots of stories about getting drunk and secret handshakes and stuff. But he turned out to be this... this kind of
Is he still at your house?
No, he left last week.
Did you find him attractive?
What do you mean, like physically?
Let me rephrase. Were you attracted to him?
What brought this on?
I've been thinking about it for awhile, and then I was talking to somebody who kind of put things in perspective for me.
I thought that's what I did. Who was it that you talked to?
Ann, in life one has to be aware of hidden agendas. Did it occur to you that Graham may have his own reasons for not wanting you to be in therapy?
What do you mean? I don't understand.
It's possible that Graham has hidden motives for disliking therapy and/or therapists. Perhaps he has problems of his own that he is unwilling to deal with, and he would like to see other people, you for instance, wallow in their situation just as he does. Do you think that's possible?
I guess.
You understand that you are free to leave therapy at any time?
Yes.
That you are under no obligation to me?
Yes.
Do you want to leave therapy?
Not really.
Do you feel there is more progress to be made?
Yes.
I'm glad you feel that way, because I feel that way, too.
I hate my sister.
Why?
There are many things that can exert control over one's life, good and bad. Religion, greed, philanthropy, drugs.
I don't know. He went to school here, then he was in New York for awhile, then Philadelphia, and then just kind of travelling around.
Must be nice. So, what's he like, is he like John?
Is he? Strange, I mean?
Not really. Maybe if I just saw him on the street I'd have said that, but after talking to him... he's just kind of... I don't know, unusual.
Uh-huh. So what's he look like?
Why?
I just want to know what he looks like, is all.
Why, so you can go after him?
Besides, even if I decided to fuck his brains out, what business is that of yours?
Do you have to say that?
What?
You know what. You say it just to irritate me.
I say it because it's descriptive.
Well, he doesn't strike me as the kind of person that would go in for that sort of thing, anyway.
Ann, you always underestimate me.
Well, I wonder why.
I think you're afraid to put the two of us in the same room together. I think you're afraid he'll be undeniably drawn to me.
Oh, for God's sake. Really, Cynthia, really, I don't think he's your type.
"My type"? What is this bullshit? How would you know what "my type" is?
I have a pretty good idea.
Ann, you don't have a clue. Look, I don't even know why we're discussing this, I'll just call him myself.
He doesn't have a phone.
Well, I'll call him when he does.
But he won't.
What are you talking about?
He's not getting a phone, he doesn't like talking on the phone.
Oh, please. Okay, so give me the Zen master's address, I'll think of a reason to stop by.
Let me talk to him first.
Why? Just give me the address, you won't even have to be involved.
I don't feel right just giving you the address so that you can go over there and...
And what?
Lose something?
That goddam diamond stud earring that cost me a fucking fortune.
Are you getting Mom something for her birthday?
I don't know, I'll get her a card or something.
A card? For her fiftieth birthday?
What's wrong with that?
Don't you think she deserves a little more than a card? I mean, the woman gave birth to you. It's her fiftieth birthday --
Will you stop? Jesus.
I just thought it might --
Okay, Ann, okay. How about this: you buy her something nice, and I'll pay for half. All right?
Fine.
Good. Now, if you'll pardon me, I have to go to work.
I don't... he doesn't want you to come over.
What do you mean he doesn't want me to come over? Did you tell him about me?
No, I didn't.
Why not?
Because I never got around to it.
Well, why?
Because. Cynthia, look, John was right. Graham is strange. Very strange. You don't want to get involved with him.
What the hell happened over there? Did he make a pass at you?
No!
Then what's the story, what's this "strange" bullshit all of a sudden? Is he drowning puppies, or what?
No, it's nothing like that.
Well, what? Is he dangerous?
No, he's not dangerous. Not physically.
Well, what, then?
I don't want to talk about it.
Then why'd you call me?
He just asked me questions.
What kinds of questions?
Questions about sex.
Well, like, I don't want to tell you, exactly.
Oh, so you'll let a total stranger record your sexual life on tape, but you won't tell your own sister?
Apparently.
Yes, I did.
Cynthia!
What!?
Why did you do that?
Because I wanted to.
But why did you want to?
I wanted him to see me.
Cynthia, who knows where that tape may end up? He could be... bouncing it off some satellite or something. Some horny old men in South America or something could be watching it.
He wouldn't do that.
You don't know that for sure.
Well, it's too late now, isn't it?
Did he touch you?
No, but I did.
In front of him, Ann, yes.
You are in trouble.
Listen to you!! You sound like Mom. What are you talking about?
I can't believe you did that!!
Why?
I mean, I couldn't do that in front of John, even.
You couldn't do it, period.
You know what I mean, you don't even know him!
I feel like I do.
That doesn't mean you do. You can't possibly trust him, he's... perverted.
He's harmless. He just sits around and looks at these tapes. What's the big deal?
So he's got this catalogue of women touching themselves? That doesn't make you feel weird?
No. I don't think they all did what I did.
You are in serious trouble.
Ann, I don't understand why this freaks you out so much. You didn't do it, I did, and if it doesn't bother me, why should it bother you?
I don't want to discuss it.
Here it is.
What is it?
It's a sun dress.
It looks like a tablecloth.
I was just trying to --
So what's my share of the dress?
Thank you.
Do you have my work number?
I get real busy between two and four.
Bye.
Did he ask me to take my clothes off? No, he didn't.
No, I touched me.
I wish you'd get an answering machine.
There's a phone here.
Well, why would she want a sun dress? She's got spots on her shoulders and varicose veins.
Who are you?
I'm Cynthia Bishop.
Do I know you?
I'm Ann Millaney's sister.
The extrovert.
She must have been in a good mood when she said that. She usually calls me loud.
She called you that, too. May I ask why you're here?
You want me to leave?
I just want to know why you're here.
Well, like I said, Ann is my sister. Sisters talk. You can imagine the rest.
No, I really can't. I find it healthy never to characterize people I don't know or conversations I haven't heard. I don't know what you and your sister discussed about me or anything else. Last time I saw Ann she left here very... confused, I would say. And upset.
She still is.
And are you here to berate me for making her that way?
Nope.
She didn't tell you why she was upset?
Nope.
She didn't give you my address?
Nope.
How did you find me?
I, uh, know a guy at the power company.
I don't understand. Why did you want to come here? I mean, I can't imagine Ann painted a very flattering portrait of me.
Well, I don't really listen to her when it comes to men. I mean, look at John, for crissake. Oh, you went to school with him didn't you? You're probably friends or something.
Nope. I think the man is a liar.
I think you're right. So come on, I came all the way over here to find out what got Ann so spooked, tell me what happened.
Oh, okay. I think I get it.
What do you get?
Well, they must be something sexual, because Ann gets freaked out by that shit. Are these tapes of you having sex with these girls or something?
Not exactly.
Well, either you are or you aren't. Which is it?
Why don't you let me tape you?
Doing what?
Talking.
About what?
Sex. Your sexual history, your sexual preferences.
What makes you think I'd discuss that with you?
Nothing.
You just want to ask me questions?
I just want to ask you questions.
And that's all?
That's all.
Is this how you get off or something? Taping women talking about their sexual experiences?
Yes.
Would anybody else see the tape?
Absolutely not. They are for my private use only.
How do we start?
I turn on the camera. You start talking.
And you ask questions, right?
Yes.
How long will it take?
That depends on you. One woman only used three minutes. Another filled up three two hour tapes.
Can I see some of the other tapes to get an idea of what --
No.
Do I sit or stand?
Whichever you prefer.
I'd rather sit. Are you ready?
I am now recording. Tell me your name.
Cynthia Patrice Bishop.
Describe for me your first sexual experience.
My first sexual experience or the first time I had intercourse?
Your first sexual experience.
I was... eight years old. Michael Green, who was also eight, asked if he could watch me take a pee. I said he could if I could watch him take one, too. He said okay, and then we went into the woods behind our house. I got this feeling he was chickening out because he kept saying, "Ladies first!" So I pulled down my
Was it ever a topic of conversation between the two of you afterward?
No. He kind of avoided me for the rest of the summer, and then his family moved away. To Cleveland, actually.
How unfortunate. So when did you finally get to see a penis?
When I was fourteen.
Live, or in a photograph or film of some sort?
Very much live.
What did you think? Did it look like you expected?
Not really. I didn't picture it with veins or ridges or anything, I thought it would be smooth, like a test tube.
Were you disappointed?
No. If anything, after I looked at it awhile, it got more interesting. It had character, you know?
What about when you touched it? What did you expect it to feel like, and then what did it really feel like?
It was warmer than I thought it would be, and the skin was softer than it looked. It's weird. Thinking about it now, the organ itself seemed like a separate thing, a separate entity to me. I mean, after he pulled it out and I could look at it and touch it, I completely forgot that there was a guy attached to it. I
What did he say?
He said that my hand felt good.
Then what happened?
Would you like me to take my pants off?
If you wish. You're not wearing any underwear.
Do you like the way I look?
Yes.
Do you think I'm pretty?
Yes.
Prettier than Ann?
John doesn't have sex with Ann anymore.
Is that what he tells you?
Hello.
Look, I'm just going to come right out and tell you why I'm here, okay?
Okay.
No.
No? Not even one more?
I never do more than one. I'm sorry.
I can't talk you into it?
No. You'll have to get somebody else.
Now who the hell is going to do that for me?
I'm sure a substantial number of men in this town would volunteer.
But I want you to do it, I want somebody who will ask the right questions and everything, somebody I can play to and feel safe because you can't do anything.
Ouch. Okay, I deserved that. Cynthia, don't you understand? After the first time it's just not spontaneous. There's no edge anymore. Look at the tapes, there is only one date on each label. I have never taped anyone twice.
So make an exception.
No.
How about if you record over the one we already made? You could have the same date and not use another tape. Who would know?
I would.
Well, what the hell am I supposed to do?
Cynthia, I don't know.
I can't believe you're doing this after I let you tape me.
I'm sorry. I can't do it.
Goddamit, give me my tape, then.
I've got to get back to the office.
I can't let my lunch hour go on too long. I've already skipped one meeting.
I have a friend coming in from out of town, I'll probably be spending some time with him the next couple of days.
Meaning we'll have to cool it for awhile, right?
I wish you'd quit that bartending job.
Why?
I hate the thought of guys hitting on you all the time.
I can handle it. Besides, the money is good and some of the guys are cute. And you are in no position to be jealous.
Who said I was jealous?
I wish I could tell everybody that Ann's a lousy lay. Beautiful, popular, Ann Bishop Millaney.
Could be risky.
Well, maybe I could just start a rumor, then.
No, I mean doing it at my house.
Afraid of getting caught?
Maybe.
You should be. Can I meet this friend of yours?
Cynthia, I don't think you want to, I mean, you should see the way he dresses. I really think he's in a bad way.
I'm intrigued.
You're intrigued?
Hello.
Cynthia. John. Meet me at my house in exactly one hour.
John?
Hello.
Cynthia. John.
Not today. I've got other plans.
Oh. Well, when, then?
How about inviting me over to dinner?
You know what I mean.
John Millaney.
I want to see you.
When?
Right now.
Jesus, I don't know if I can get away. I've got a client waiting. I'd have to do some heavy duty juggling.
Hello.
Cynthia. John.
Well, this is timely. Your wife is here, would you like to speak to her?
I don't know. I'm not sure I can duplicate the level of intensity I had the other day.
Nothing wrong with trying.
Do you want me to stop calling?
It's just so blatantly stupid, I have a hard time believing you did it.
What's so stupid about it?
That you... you don't even know the guy.
Well, you know him, he's a friend of yours, do you think he can be trusted?
Shit, after what you've told me, I don't know. I should've known, when he showed up dressed like some arty brat.
I like the way he dresses.
What if this tape gets into the wrong hands?
"The wrong hands"? We're not talking about military secrets, John. They're just tapes that he makes so he can sit around and get off.
Jesus Christ. And he doesn't have sex with any of them? They just talk?
Right.
Jesus. I could almost understand it if he was screwing these people, almost. Why doesn't he just buy some magazines or porno movies or something?
Doesn't work. He has to know the people, he has to be able to interact with them.
I felt like it, so what? Goddam, you and Ann make such a big deal out of it.
You told Ann about this?
Of course. She is my sister. I tell her almost everything.
I wish you hadn't done that.
Why not?
It's just something I'd prefer she didn't know about.
She's a grown-up, she can handle it.
I just... Ann is very...
Hung up.
It just wasn't a smart thing to do. Did you sign any sort of paper, or did he have any contract with you saying he wouldn't broadcast these tapes?
No.
You realize you have no recourse legally? This stuff could show up anywhere.
It won't. I trust him.
You trust him.
Yeah, I do. A helluva lot more than I trust you.
What do you mean?
Exactly what I said. I'd trust him before I'd trust you. How much clearer can I be?
It hurts that you would say that to me.
Oh, please. Come on, John. You're fucking your wife's sister and you hardly been married a year. You're a liar. But at least I know you're a liar. It's the people that don't know, like Ann, that have to watch out.
By definition you're lying to Ann, too.
That's right. But I never took a vow in front of God and everybody to be "faithful" to my sister.
Look, are we going to do it or not?
Actually, no, I've changed my mind. I shouldn't have called.
Well, I'm here now. I'd like to do something...
Come on, John. You should be happy, we've gone this far without Ann finding out, I'm making it real easy on you. Just walk out of here and I'll see you at your house for a family dinner sometime.
Did he put you up to this?
Who?
Graham.
No, he didn't put me up to this. Jesus, I don't need people to tell me what I should do. I've just been thinking about things, that's all.
I can't believe I let him stay in my house. Right under my nose. That deviant fucker was right under my nose and I didn't see him.
If he had been under your prick you'd have spotted him for sure.
God, you... you're mean.
I know. Will you please leave now?
Maybe I don't want to leave. Maybe I want to talk.
John, we have nothing to talk about.
I knew it, I knew it. Things are getting complicated.
Plenty of room for two people.
It'll just be me.
Student?
No. You said three-fifty?
Plus first and last month deposit.
Will you lease month-to-month?
Not for three-fifty.
Everybody has a past.
What do you think the Greeks would make of that outfit you're wearing?
Yeah, it's not bad. Usually Ann has some serious salt action going. I keep telling her, you can always add more if you want, but you can't take it out.
I'm sorry. Am I prying again?
You were prying before?
Yes, this afternoon. I was grilling Ann about your marriage this afternoon.
Really. How'd it go?
I wish I didn't have to live someplace.
Get rid of the car when you get your apartment, then you'll still have one key.
I like having the car, the car is important.
Especially if you want to leave someplace in a hurry.
Hi, John.
Where are the tapes, Graham?
What tapes?
You know which tapes! Where are they?
John, as a lawyer, you should know that those tapes are private property.
So is my wife, asshole!!
She's not property, John, she's a person. Were you just going to keep right on lying to her?
What the hell do you think? I love Ann. You think I'm going to tell her about Cynthia and hurt her feelings like that?
God, you need help.
I need help? Whose sitting by himself in a room choking his chauncey to a bunch of videotapes, Graham? Not me, buddy. You're the fucking nut. Now show me those tapes.
No.
I'm not kidding, Graham, you'd better do what I say. Give me those tapes.
Graham, I swear to Christ I'll kill your scrawny ass. Now give me those tapes.
Give me your keys.
Your keys, asshole!! Your two fucking keys!! Give them to me!!
Have you ever wanted to make love to someone other than your husband?
Answer him, goddammit!!
You're hesitating. I think that means you have.
IBM.
Brian Kirkland, please.
May I ask who's calling?
John Millaney.
One moment.
Mr. Millaney?
Yes?
Mr. Millaney?
Yeah.
Mr. Forman would like to see you in his office.
Okay, in a minute, I'm on with a client.
He said immediately.
...probably nothing at all. It's probably just a bunch of, I don't know, fatty cysts. You can have them removed in a doctor's office. Has Nick seen a doctor?
He hates doctors. Doctors and lawyers. He never goes to doctors.
Well, look. How's this? You go on down to the clinic and tell that nice Dr. St. Luc... ...you tell him that Nick's ill, he's got these lumps, and he can't get out of bed. Tell him to come when you're sure Nick'll be home. And don't tell Nick anything. Let the two of them fight it out.
He'll be really mad.
Hi.
Hi. Want a drink?
No thanks. Just wanted to tell you that Dr. St. Luc is coming up to see Nick at ten or so.
Oh, you feel very good, Betts. You have such a cosy body. I'm jealous, I'm so skinny.
C'mon, let's smoke one of the cigarettes right now. Your father'll never miss it.
I can't, dummy. He'll see that the pack's been opened. You're such a dumbhead.
OK, then. I'm gonna go back to the store and buy my own pack and smoke 'em all myself.
Buy 'em with what, dumbhead?
Jesus!
Dr. St. Luc? Detective-Sergeant Heller. I'd like to ask you a few questions.
Sure.
You're the one who found the bodies?
Yes.
Did you touch anything? Move anything before we got here?
No, nothing.
You knew these people?
I knew the man, Emil Hobbes, a doctor and a professor at university. I saw the girl around the building but I didn't know her. She never came to the clinic.
So you just came up to visit this Hobbes and you found them like that?
Oh, no. I haven't seen Dr. Hobbes since I was in medical school. He taught me... he was my prof in urology and... I think he conducted a few seminars in psychopharmacology. That was it. I had no idea he'd ever set foot in Starliner Towers until today.
It was very strange. He called me at six this morning. Hobbes called me. I thought I was dreaming. I haven't heard that voice for so long. He told me who it was, then he said something like, 'Meet me at apartment 1208 at noon. I want you to go out for lunch with me. It's time you furthered your education.' Then he laughed
How did he sound this time? Was he nervous? Depressed?
And that was her. Annabelle Horse... field.
Is that the man who called you up here?
Yeah, that's Dr. St. Luc. He's the head of our little medical clinic here.
Medical clinic?
Yeah. This is an island, you know? Takes too long to get into the city. We gotta have everything right here or somebody complains.
Mrs. Ementhal's ready and waiting, Doctor.
OK, Roger. Here's the stuff you wanted. Files on Horsefield, Tudor, Swinburne, and Velakofsky. Papers published by Hobbes, Linsky, and Lefebvre in a couple of issues of the Bulletin of the Canadian Medical Association and also the Journal of the American Medical Association. And, as an added extra, a couple of odds and ends from the files I helped compile before your time here,
That's great, Forsythe, great. Thanks.
Kiss, kiss?
Another kiss?
C'mon, Forsythe. Are there any more on the list?
Roger? If you're going to be staying here anyway, why don't you come up to my place for a late supper?
Meeting Rollo at Tudor's. Might take a while.
Anything wrong?
No. I don't think so.
Well? Supper at my place?
OK. But late.
Forsythe, Forsythe! What's wrong? What's happened?
Where is he now? Do you know?
I think I... I think I killed him. I stabbed him with something and he fell.
Will you be OK now? I've got to go to your place to see if he's still there. I've got to see if it's... if it's what we both think it is.
But where are you going?
Can I call you at the office?
What do you want to call me at the office for?
I don't know. I just thought I might want to call you. I don't know.
You say something?
Do you want to make love? You're absolutely beautiful, those eyes, that expression. You're absolutely the most sexy thing alive. Do you want to make love?
You will make love to me, won't you, Janine? Won't you make love to me? You start it. Won't you? I think I've forgotten how to start.
Oh, Nick, Nick... I can't take this.
Make love to me, make love to me, love, love to me...
What happened?
Where is this thing that attacked your wife?
Go back to their apartment with them and treat her for second-degree burns. It'll have to do for now. What's your number? The number of your apartment?
We live in 703.
Yes? Who is there?
It's Dr. St. Luc, Mr Spergazzi. Let me speak to the nurse, please.
Want me to breathe deeply?
Good shape for an old man, eh?
Mr. Parkins, what makes you think you caught these lumps of yours from a young lady?
She had a couple just like them. Right here near her belly button. You could push 'em around. I thought they were kinda sexy, myself.
Didn't she ever have these lumps looked at by a doctor?
Didn't seem worried about them.
Was this girl from Starliner Towers?
Yep. She lived in 1208. But we usually went to my place. Bigger liquor cabinet, bigger bed. She was gone when I got back from my last Florida trip. Too bad. Had a beautiful tan. Must have gone home to mother.
Was her name Annabelle Horsefield?
I'm going to send you to the hospital to have a few X-rays taken. I want to find out exactly what you're hiding in there, OK? Give them this. The address is right there under Radiology.
Gonna cut me open?
Well, let's wait for the X-rays.
Not exactly the kind of lunch Hobbes would have laid on you, Rog, but it's all I got, and... ...all I got I share with you. Go ahead. Take all you want.
You touch my spleen, Rollo. And here all the time I was thinking -- if I ever bothered to think about the good old days -- well, at least there's Rollo. He's in VD and he's happy.
I'm still a VD man under the skin, Rog. You know me. I'm a down-to-earth kinda guy, right?
Well, at least you still talk the same.
So who changes?
But you gave up your private practice. Suddenly you're into pure research and you... you're what, a parasitologist?
I know. You're bored already. Transplants are yesterday's kishkas, right?
Did I say anything?
You put the bug into the body of a man with a diseased kidney, the bug attacks the bad kidney, dissolves it, it's assimilated by the body, and now you got a perfectly good parasite where you used to have a rotten kidney. I know what you're gonna say. You're gonna say it's crazy.
Right. It's crazy. But here's the beauty part. Ready? Who cares?
I don't get it.
Rog, I gotta talk serious to you. Really. Listen. Ya listening? OK. I want you to come into this with me. To tell the honest-to-God truth, I'm lonely. All Hobbes ever did was run around getting money and phone me in the middle of the night. He wanted you in anyway. That's why we were gonna get together, the three of us. We would
Rollo, you know me. Once a GP, always a GP.
You want to help sick people for the rest of your life? God forbid I should talk you out of it.
You oughta be careful yourself. Might end up cutting your throat.
It was women did it to Hobbes. Couldn't handle them. That girl, that Annabelle -- talk about crazy projects.
Who was she?
But you'll think about what I said about working together, huh?
Yes?
That you, Rog?
Yes?
It's me, Rollo Linsky. Remember me?
Yeah, well, I'm flattered, but you won't find any real meat in them.
No? How come?
OK, I bite. What does it look like?
It looks like -- and I quote -- 'a disease to save man from his mind.'
I don't get it.
He didn't make it.
Huh?
Maybe Hobbes didn't know it, but Annabelle was a pretty popular girl around Starliner Towers. I've got three men here, maybe four, who're hosting large, free-moving, apparently pathogenic, abdominal growths that nobody I've tried can identify. You were next on my list.
I'd kinda like to come over there and have a look at one of these guys.
I've got a date with one of them at ten. Can you make it?
Yeah. Ah, I don't want to panic you or anything, but, I mean, the way Hobbes designed them, they're supposed to get out of hand real quick, so you don't have much time to think about what's happening to you. Once they decide to start pumping all those dynamite juices into the old blood stream... I dunno. But if you see some people doing
Yeah? What do I do then?
OK. It's apartment 1009, South Tower, Starliner Towers. May as well go there directly.
NIGHT NIGHT
NIGHT NIGHT
GOT THE HOT FLUSH SYMPTOMS AND I'M FEELING FREAKY
YOUNG MALE INTERN, TALL AND HANDSOME
GOT MY HEM SO HIGH THEY'LL SAY I'M BEING CHEEKY
BREAKING OUT
BREAKING OUT
BREAKING OUT
BREAKING OUT
BREAKING OUT
You bet, Bert.
Later, Brenda. Ah, Bert, could you spare a moment?
How's Brad?
A wreck.
Check. The quacks are willing tools?
Fools!
I wouldn't mind doing Janet one or two favours.
Sank you! Velcome! Sank you!
What's cookin', Bert?
They should be sent to the Danube before Dawn.
What?
About Brad's family?
You got it!
I got it! I got it!!!
Infantile regression.
You got it!
Introduce yourselves.
We've been hearing some bad things about you, Brad.
I know, I know, it's just...
Do you watch 'Dentonvale,' Janet?
I've caught it once or twice.
I know he's boring but... Neuro-specialists! That sounds pretty drastic.
Is it because I'm becoming too popular?
Right! An early start with Janet's debut on 'Good Morning Denton.' By the time we unveil Farley's 'Faith Factory' we will have earned our beauty sleep.
Can I just 'peep in' on Brad before I go home?
When do I get to see Brad?
But...how?
SIN-I-FUL
Dear old Bert's settled everything.
How did you come by this scenario?
I am in Farley's employ -- and... ...we're discussing a network deal.
Why Janet?
Everyone loves the girl next door, particularly Farley.
In my time they used to call me the Merlin of Berlin.
Of course, Mrs. Majors -- Janet -- But I'm puzzled. If she was so keen on getting him in here, why wouldn't she sign the contract?
No it wasn't Janet -- exactly -- It was, in fact, your new sponsor.
SPONSOR!!!
Dentonvale has been sold.
With Fast Food Farley at the helm it'll be TV dinners from now on.
We're the experts.
Out of self comes selflessness.
In a way...
I detect a note of reticence. Are you, perhaps, one of those amongst us who feel this emotive form of presentation is overly manipulative?
Thank you so much, Judge Wright, for another wonderful interview.
Judge Wright? Now, Betty? First name terms, surely!
Oh, Oliver, you're so tolerant. Time for a coffee before you rush off?
Delighted, Betty -- That is if you don't mind being seen with an older man.
A free thinker.
Macy Struthers -- God I must have been blind -- still, the weaker the man, the dumber the blonde.
McKinley?...McKinley?
Conspiracy? That sounds a little farfetched.
It's happened before. Remember Lieutenant Orpheus? He disappeared into that Underworld series and never came back.
Sounds like my husband. He never came back either. At least not after Flavors gave him a commercial break.
Conspiracy is right. The Denton Dossier is...
I bet that Macy Struthers had a hand in this. We'll probably be replaced by an hour of fashion tips!
Now Betty, don't overreact.
Overreact! You're the one with theories about conspirac... Oliver?
Yes, Betty.
Clever of you to find this spot, Betty.
A 'stately pleasure home' indeed.
Look. Look at that. Bert Schnick can see. Why...he's...dancing.
Did you /hear/ that, Oliver.
Care to indulge?
Indulge?
Betty, it's imperative we get Janet out of Flavors' fast fingers and Brad out of that hell-hole before they both disappear forever. If only I could place that name -- McKinley?
He was a President.
President? Past Presidents! Betty, this is beginning to add up.
Really. What'll I pin this on?
SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR ENSLAVEMENT
Oh. Ah, I'm not calling at an inconvenient moment am I?
Not at all. You have your life. And I have mine.
I'll leave you young things to it.
Shove it, Ralph!
Oh, Oliver. What are we going to do?
That's us.
I don't want to get up there.
I'm not going, Janet.
What are you trying to do? Make Bert look like a fool? He's made all the arrangements.
I'M LOOKING FOR LOVE
SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR COMPASSION
SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR THE FASHION
SOME PEOPLE DO IT TO BE FUNNY
I'VE TOOK AS MUCH OF YOU AS ANY MAN CAN YOU'VE LOST YOUR HEART
YOU'VE LOST YOUR CAUSE
AN' YOU'RE A WEEPER AND A WAILER ALWAYS TREADING THE TOES OF THE GREAT GENERALLY SPREADING YOUR WEIGHT YOU'RE A SPITEFUL, HATEFUL ASININE CREATURE A PUPIL WITH NO SCRUPLES WHO KNEW BETTER THAN THE TEACHER
I'VE TOOK AS MUCH OF YOU AS ANY MAN CAN
YOU'VE LOST YOUR HEART
YOU'VE LOST YOUR CAUSE
SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR EACH OTHER
SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR THEIR LOVERS
SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR IMPROVEMENT
SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR MOVEMENT
SOME PEOPLE DO IT FOR FOR ENJOYMENT
YOU'LL FIND A RAMBLING ROSE AND A PICKET FENCE
Mental instability?
He was adopted you know.
I'd forgotten.
What are you talking about? Danny Slepstrini is a chip off the old block. I played 18 holes of golf with his father just last week. And Hank says Danny's moved to New York. To better himself.
Oh, Harry. What are we going to do?
Well...maybe I could wear my black leather brogues?
LIKE A VIRGIN WITH AN' URGIN' IN A SURGERY I'LL BE SWINGING -- I'LL BE BRINGING OUT THE NURSE IN ME
Mr. Flavors -- may I have a moment of your time?
Sure thing.
We've heard rumors that you're going to unveil more than just a new series tonight. Is this true?
Absolutely correct.
Could you tell us a little about it?
Let's just say that I'm putting sanity back on the national menu.
Could I do that later?
But they only think they're happy.
I won't be a party to this. I want to see Brad.
The question is, does Brad want to see you? Quite frankly, he hates you.
It's only one night, Janet. Let's not forget who we're doing this for?
Brad! Oh, Brad.
Oh my poor baby.
Oh. Mom. It's Brad.
They call it a new look at an old favourite I copied it from the 'Window on the World' show. The Far East meets the Mid-West!
It's...
Just what the Doctor ordered. I know. Come on in, my favourite show's just started.
Poor Brad.
You shouldn't have said that.
Why?
I've just come to tell you how fabulous I am.
Janet! Where's that lovely dress I made you?
Oh, Mac ran up this little crowd-pleaser.
You're practically naked!
Hey! What are you trying to do? Get yourself committed?
I'm sorry, Officer.
Vance! Vance Parker.
Janet. Janet Majors. It's just that Brad...my husband...is not... very well and... I don't want to miss the next episode of Dentonvale.
Dentonvale...say, that's for... I'm sorry to hear that, Janet. Look I'm going to let you through, but keep it to yourself, otherwise...
Thanks Officer Park...Vance.
BUT WITHOUT YOU AND ME, SIS THE WORLD'D FALL TO PIECES VENA CAVA WHO'S THE RAVER?
I NEED SOME
YOUNG BLOOD
I NEED SOME
YOUNG BLOOD
I NEED IT NOW I NEED SOME
YOUNG BLOOD
I NEED SOME
No! He's never done that before.
Just one or two details. Does he have any living relatives? Blood relatives?
I'm...happy.
Brad has deep feelings of hostility towards you.
Me?
I want to see Brad.
Is it true they're all midgets with big heads?
You are the most desirable creature that ever walked.
If only Brad could have found it within his heart to say these things to me.
He will. But it's up to you to reawaken his feelings. You've got to be fabulous, look, think and appear fabulous. And Farley's given you that chance. You can use the Breakfast Show to knock Denton dead.
Do you really think so?
You've got a really tight team around you. And everybody needs you!
But what'll I do? What'll I say? What'll I wear?
. . .For his own good.
Brad!
BRAD!
Arrest that man! He's committed to our care.
Let's hear the five 'F's' for today. F for...
Farley!
F for...
Flavors!
F for...
Fabulous!
F for...
Fast!
F for...
Ah. Mr. And Mrs. Majors. How wonderful to see you. I am Dr. Cosmo McKinley and this is my sister, and colleague, Nation McKinley.
Our speciality.
HE!!?? How dare this person take advantage of my weakness.
Our field.
It's you we're concerned about, Janet.
That's an extremely negative response.
This is the nerve center of operations, Janet. You must stay here tonight. That way we can all be here when Mr. Sun paints us a new day with his golden brush.
I FEEL THE HEAT FROM YOUR SKIN AND THE STUBBLE ON YOUR CHIN YOU'RE NO GOOD
YOU'VE GOT DIRT ON YOUR HANDS AND EVERYBODY UNDERSTANDS YOU'RE NO GOOD
WHAT A JOKE...
WHAT A JOKE...
YOU FEL LIKE CHOKING YOU PLAY FOR BROKE...
YOU PLAY FOR BROKE...
HE LEAVES YOU SMOKING...
OH ROMANCE IS NOT A CHILDREN'S GAME...
THAT MINIMAL
CRIMINAL
This could be worse than the old series.
Hi! Macy Struthers -- co-host on the F. F. show.
Ah, Macy. Why don't you help Janet freshen up before rehearsal.
So all in all it's going to be an exciting new series for us...
THIS COULD BE THE START OF A WHOLE NEW CAREER HERE
LIKE A DEEP PLUM LIPSTICK AND SOME THERAPEUTICS
And none of them worked?
And we also know how you feel, we're not strangers to confusion.
Isn't she lovely?
Mommy and Daddy love you, Baby.
She walks in beauty...
We love you, Baby.
Nice technique there... ...Cammi.
It's all in the wrist. You know, you look really familiar. You from around here? Where'd you go to high school?
No, we're from San Diego. Why?
I don't know. You just seem really familiar to me. Never mind. Enjoy your meals.
Hang on. Did you ever know a Derek Sommersby?
You don't think I fuck you, bitch? I'll fuck you.
You picked him up and you fucked him, didn't you, bitch?
I picked him up and I fucked him. I'm a bad girl.
And you liked fucking him, didn't you, you fat little whore?
The fuck was that?
Don't bother him with that. We got to get going.
It's Christine. Hey you.
Yeah. All twenty minutes so far have been a blast.
So what's up?
Really? Because I don't know, I was thinking that --
Well, then put him at the singles table.
The problem with that is that then there's one extra --
Then put him with the Feldmans. Whatever you and your Mom decide is fine with me.
Don't dismiss me. I'm trying to include you in this decision. He's your friend.
I didn't dismiss you. I told you what I thought, but it didn't seem to matter, so you decide. Besides, this is supposed to be my time with Miles. I hope you're not going to call every five minutes.
I'm not going to call every five minutes, but this is important.
Why are you being so defensive?
I don't know, Christine. Perhaps it's because I feel attacked.
I ask you one simple question, and suddenly I'm attacking you.
Listen. I'll call you when we get there, and we can talk about it then, okay?
Bye.
I love you.
Miles.
Hey, Evelyn, it's your favorite client.
How's the trip?
Good, good. Drinking some good wines and kicking back, you know. So what's happening? Still no word?
Actually there is word. I spoke to Keith Kurtzman this morning.
And?
And... they're passing. Conundrum's passing. He said they really liked it. They really wanted to do it, but they just couldn't figure out how to market it. He said it was a tough call.
Huh.
Are you there? Miles?
Yeah, I'm here.
I'm sorry, Miles. We did all we could. You've been a real trooper. Tell him I'll call back.
So I guess that's it.
Hey, Miles. Long time no see.
Gary.
When's that novel of yours coming out? We all want to read it.
Soon, soon. Say, this is my buddy Jack. He's getting married next week.
My condolences.
What are you pouring tonight?
Lot of good stuff. Got the new Bien Nacido. Want a taste?
What do you think?
How's it hanging, Miles?
You know me. I love it up here. How about you?
Busy night for a Tuesday. We had a busload of retired folks in on a wine tour. Usually they're not too rowdy, but tonight there was something going on. Full moon or something. What can I get you?
Highliner.
Glass or bottle?
Bottle.
You got it.
Say, is Maya working?
You okay, Miles?
They're from both of us.
Jeez, Mrs. Raymond, that was eleven years ago.
Well, you were wonderful on that show. I never understood why they had to give you that brain tumor so soon. Why that didn't make you the biggest movie star in the world is a sin. It's a sin.
Yeah, well, you should be my agent.
If I was, I would sing your praises up and down the street until they put me in the loony bin. Now Miles, why didn't you tell me you were coming and bringing this handsome man? Look how I'm dressed. I've got to run and put my face on.
You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond.
Mrs. Raymond, this is delicious. Absolutely delicious.
They're just leftovers.
Is it chicken?
And what was that other one you did, the one where you're the jogger?
Oh, that was for, uh, wait... That was for Spray and Wash.
Spray and Wash. That's the one.
Yeah, I remember the girl who was in it with me. She was something.
Two years ago, buddy.
She was good for you. And so beautiful and intelligent. You knew her, right?
Oh, yeah. Real well. Still do.
Hey, guys. How's it going?
Excellent. My friend and I are up here doing the wine tour, and he tells me that you folks make one hell of a Syrah.
Now there's a girl who knows how to pour. What's your name?
Stephanie.
Tastes good to me. You live around here, Stephanie?
In Santa Ynez. And I agree with you about Cab Franc.
Oh yeah? We're just over in Buellton. Windmill Inn.
Oh yeah.
You know a gal named Maya? Works at the Hitching Post?
Sure I know Maya. Real well.
You're a bad, bad girl, Stephanie.
How you doin' tonight, beautiful?
Good. How're you?
Great. You look great. You both do.
I'm thinking about the duck breast.
What happened to you guys?
Hi.
I can explain.
Hiya.
Highliner, please.
Are you a writer too?
No, I'm an actor.
Oh yeah? What kind of stuff?
A lot of TV. I was a regular on a couple of series. And lately I've been doing a lot of commercials. National mostly.
Anything I'd know?
That's hilarious. You sound just like one of those guys.
I am one of those guys.
Whatever you girls want. It's on us tonight. Sky's the limit.
No, we're paying for the wine.
I don't think so. We're celebrating Miles's book deal.
Where the fuck were you, man? I was dying in there. We were supposed to be a hundred miles away by now.
I can't help the traffic.
Come on. You're fucking hungover.
Why did you tell them my book was being published?
You said you had it all lined up.
No, I didn't. What I said was that my agent had heard there was some interest at Conundrum...
Yeah, Conundrum.
...and that one of the editors was passing it up to a senior editor. She was supposed to hear something this week, but now it's next week, and... It's always like this. It's always a fucking waiting game. I've been through it too many times already.
I don't know. Senior editor? Sounds like you're in to me.
Don't open that now. It's warm.
Come on, we're celebrating. I say we pop it.
Shut up. Here's to a great week.
Yes. Absolutely. Despite your crass behavior, I'm really glad we're finally getting this time together.
Yeah.
Oh, that's tasty.
100% Pinot Noir. Single vineyard. They don't even make it anymore.
Pinot Noir? How come it's white? Doesn't noir mean dark?
Jesus. Don't ask questions like that up in the wine country. They'll think you're a moron.
Just tell me.
Color in the red wines comes from the skins. This juice is free run, so there's no skin contact in the fermentation, ergo no color.
Did you read the latest draft, by the way?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
And?
I liked it a lot. A lot of improvements. It just seemed overall, I don't know, tighter, more... congealed or something.
How about the new ending? Did you like that?
Oh yeah. Much better.
There is no new ending. Page 750 on is exactly the same.
Whoa, why are we getting off?
I've just got to make one quick stop. Won't take a second.
What?
I thought we could just say a quick hello to my mother.
Your mother? Jesus, Miles, we were supposed to be up there hours ago.
How old's she going to be?
Um... seventy... something.
Let me show you something. The secret to opening champagne is that once the cork is released, you keep pressure on it so you don't --
This Saturday, Mom, remember? We told you.
Fuck, man. Too early in the morning for that, you know what I mean?
She's a kid, Jack. I don't even look at that stuff anymore.
That's your problem, Miles.
As if she'd even be attracted to guys like us in the first place.
Speak for yourself. I get chicks looking at me all the time. All ages.
It'd be the best thing for you. You know what? I'm going to get you laid this week. That's going to be my best man gift to you. I'm not going to give you a pen knife or a gift certificate or any of that other horseshit.
I'd rather have a knife.
No. No. You've been officially depressed for like two years now, and you were always a negative guy anyway, even in college. Now it's worse -- you're wasting away. Teaching English to fucking eighth-graders when they should be reading what you wrote. Your books.
You still seeing that shrink?
I went on Monday. But I spent most of the time helping him with his computer.
Well, I say fuck therapy and what's that stuff you take, Xanax?
And Lexapro, yes.
Well, I say fuck that. You need to get your joint worked on, that's what you need.
Jack. This week is not about me. It's about you. I'm going to show you a good time. We're going to drink a lot of good wine, play some golf, eat some great food, enjoy the scenery and send you off in style.
You know what? Let's take the Santa Rosa turnoff and hit Sanford first.
Whatever's closest, man. I need a glass.
These guys make top-notch Pinot and Chardonnay. One of the best producers in Santa Barbara county. Look how beautiful this view is. What a day!
I thought you hated Chardonnay.
Hey, Miles. I really hope your novel sells.
So what'd you guys finally decide on for the menu?
I told you. Filet and salmon.
Yeah, but how are they making the salmon? Poached with a yogurt-dill sauce? Teriyaki? Curry?
I don't know. Salmon. Don't you always have white wine with fish?
Oh, Jesus. Look, at some point we have to find out because it's going to make a big difference.
Let me call Christine.
Doesn't have to be now. Let's go taste.
Baked with a butter-lime glaze.
This is rose, right?
Good, yeah, it is a rose. Only this one is rather atypically made from 100% Pinot Noir.
First take your glass and examine the wine against the light. You're looking at color and clarity.
What color is it supposed to be?
Depends on the varietal. Just get a sense of it. Thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? Inky? Amber, whatever...
Huh.
What do you smell?
Huh. Maybe a little strawberry. Yeah, strawberry. I'm not so sure about the cheese.
That's what you do with every one.
When do we get to drink it?
How would you rate this one?
You know, you could work in a wine store.
Are you chewing gum?
Hey Jack, hurry up!
I thought you said it was close. Now I'm all pitted out.
It's not even a mile.
We should have driven.
Not with the wine list these people have. We don't want to hold back.
You think I'm making a mistake marrying Christine?
Whoa.
Come on, do you think I'm doing the right thing? Tell the truth. You've been through it.
Well, you waited for good reason, and you proposed to Christine for some good reason. So I think it's great. It's time. You've got to have your eyes open, that's all. I mean, look at me. I thought Victoria and I were set for life.
Christine's dad -- he's been talking about bringing me into his property business. Showing me the ropes. And that's something, considering how long it took him to get over I'm not Armenian. So I'm thinking about it. But I don't know, might get a little incestuous. But Mike does pretty well. A lot of high-end commercial stuff.
So you're going to stop acting?
No way. This would just provide some stability is what I'm saying. I can always squeeze in an audition or a commercial here and there, you know, keep myself in the game in case something big comes along.
Uh-huh.
We're not getting any younger, right? And my career, well, it's gotten pretty, you know, frustrating. Even with my new manager. Maybe it's time to settle down.
If that's what feels right.
It does. Feels right.
Then it's a good thing.
Yeah. Tight.
Here's to my last week of freedom.
Oh, yeah. That's Maya.
You know her?
Sure I know Maya.
You know that chick?
Jack, this is where I eat when I come up here. It's practically my office. And sometimes I have a drink with the employees. Maya's great. She's worked here about a year, maybe a year and a half.
She is very hot.
Doesn't mean shit. When Christine was a hostess at Sushi Roku, she wore a big engagement ring to keep guys from hitting on her. Think it worked? Fuck no. How do you think I met her?
This gal's married to I think a Philosophy professor at UC Santa Barbara.
So what's a professor's wife doing waitressing? Obviously that's over.
Jesus, she's jammin'. And she likes you. What else do you know about her?
Well, she does know a lot about wine.
Ooooooohh. Now we're getting somewhere.
And she likes Pinot.
Perfect.
Jack, she's a fucking waitress in Buellton. How would that ever work?
Why do you always focus on the negative? Didn't you see how friendly she was to you?
She works for tips!
The girl is looking to party, and you tell her we're going to go back to our motel room and crash? Jesus, Miles!
Well, I'm tired. Aren't you tired?
The chick digs you. She lit up like a pinball machine when she heard your novel was getting published.
Now I've got another lie to live down. Thanks, Jack.
I'm trying to get you some action, but you've got to help me out just a little bit.
Didn't seem to me like that's what was going on. You were all over her.
Somebody had to do the talking. And by the way, I was right. She's not married.
How do you know?
Single. Waitress. Getting off work. Looking for love. A little slap and tickle.
Shut up.
Have you no shame?
Oooh. Oh. Miles. Miles.
So what're we going to have? Pigs in a blanket? The "rancher's special breakfast"? Or maybe just some grease and fat with a side of lard?
So what's the plan today?
I am going to get my nut on this trip, Miles. And you are not going to fuck it up for me with all your depression and anxiety and neg-head downer shit.
Ooooh, now the cards are on the table.
Yes they are. And I'm serious. Do not fuck with me. I am going to get laid before I settle down on Saturday. Do you read me?
Sure, big guy. Whatever you say. It's your party. I'm sorry I'm in the way and dragging you down. Maybe you'd have a better time on your own. You take the car. I'll catch the train back.
Nice, huh?
Beautiful.
Victoria and I used to like this view. Once we had a picnic here and drank a '95 Opus One. With smoked salmon and artichokes, but we didn't care.
Miles.
She has the best palate of any woman I've ever known. She could even differentiate Italian wines.
Miles, I gotta tell you something. Victoria's coming to the wedding.
I know. You told me. I'm okay with it.
Yeah, but that's not the whole story. She got remarried.
She what? When?
About a month ago. Six weeks.
Jesus Christ, Miles. Get out!
I want to go home now.
You've been divorced for two years already. People move on. She has! It's like you enjoy self-pity. Makes you feel special or something.
Is she bringing him to the wedding?
What do you think?
You drop this bombshell on me. Why didn't you tell me before?
Because I knew you'd freak out and probably get so depressed you wouldn't even come on this trip. But then I figured here would be the best place to tell you. We're here to forget about all that shit. We're here to party!
I'm going to be a fucking pariah. Everyone's just going to be holding their breath to see if I'm going to get drunk and make a scene. Plus Tony fucking Levin?
No, no, no. It's cool. I talked to Victoria. She's cool. Everyone's cool.
You gotta excuse him. Yesterday he didn't know Pinot Noir from film noir.
A bad girl, Miles. She might need to be spanked.
Get the trunk.
We're on.
What?
She called Maya, who's not working tonight, so we're all going out.
With Maya?
Stephanie, holy shit. Chick had it all going on.
Well, she is cute.
You know how often these pourers get hit on? I'm going for a swim. Get the blood flowing. Want to come?
So what should I wear?
Please just try to be your normal humorous self, okay? Like who you were before the tailspin. Do you remember that guy? People love that guy. And don't forget -- your novel is coming out in the fall.
Oh yeah? How exciting. What's it called?
Do not sabotage me. If you want to be a lightweight, that's your call. But do not sabotage me.
Aye-aye, captain.
And if they want to drink Merlot, we're drinking Merlot.
If anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am not drinking any fucking Merlot!
And don't drink too much. I don't want you going to the dark side or passing out. Do you hear me? No going to the dark side.
Pull yourself together, man.
Where were you?
Bathroom.
Stop it. You are blowing a great opportunity here, Miles. Fucking Maya, man. She's great. She's cool. She's funny. She knows wine. What is this morose come-down bullshit? These girls want to party. And what was that fucking ten-minute lecture on, what was it, Vouvrays? I mean, come on!
Let's just say I'm uncomfortable with the whole scenario.
And don't forget all the bad times you had with Victoria. How small she make you feel. That's why you had the affair in the first place.
Shut up. Shut your face.
Goddamn, Miles, she is nasty. Nasty nasty nasty.
Oh, hey, change of plans. Steph's off today, so she and I are going on a hike.
We were supposed to play golf.
You go. In fact, use my clubs. They're brand new -- gift from Christine's dad. It's on me. Oh, say, by the way, Stephanie and me were thinking we'd all go to the Hitching Post tonight and sit at one of Maya's tables, and she'll bring us some great wines and then we can all --
Count me out.
Later.
Oh, boy.
She's been leaving messages here too.
You should call her.
I will. See ya!
Right now.
What'd Christine say?
Hey, there you are.
Yep.
Where is Stephanie?
Upstairs. Getting cleaned up.
What the fuck are you doing?
What?
Does she know about Saturday?
Besides what?
Well... I don't know, just... the wedding.
What?
Well, I've been doing some thinking.
Oh, you've been thinking. And?
Being with Stephanie has opened my eyes. She's not uptight or controlling. She's just cool. Things are so easy with her. Smells different. Tastes different. Fucks different. Fucks like an animal. I'm telling you, I went deep last night, Miles. Deep.
I was hoping to get some understanding from you. And I'm not getting it.
Understanding of what?
Like I might be in love with another woman.
In love? Twenty-four hours with some wine-pourer chick and you think you're in love? And give up everything?
Look who's talking. You've been there.
Yes I have, and do I look like a happy man? Was all that drama with Brenda a happy thing for me to do? Huh? Was it? Is she a part of my life now?
This is totally different. I'm talking about avoiding what you're talking about. That's the distinction. I have not made the commitment yet. I am not married. I have not said the words. In a few days, I might get married, and if I do, then I won't be doing stuff like this anymore. Otherwise, what's the whole point of getting married?
And what about Stephanie? She's a woman -- with a kid. A single mom. What do you think she's looking for? Huh?
Here's what I'm thinking. We move up here, you and me, buy a vineyard. You design your own wine; I'll handle the business side. Then you get inspired and write a new novel. As for me, if an audition comes along, hell, LA'S two hours away. Not even.
You're crazy. You've gone crazy.
What do you care anyway? You don't even like Christine.
What? Of course I like Christine.
You said she was shallow. Yeah, and a nouveau riche.
That was three years ago after that first party!
Listen, I'm going to make sure Steph and Siena get home safe, and then maybe we'll hook up with you later, okay?
Call me on my cell if you go out.
That's a public course. No Stephanie?
Did you ever got ahold of Maya yesterday?
Nope.
She likes you, man. Stephanie'll tell you.
Can you give me some room here?
You know, in life you gotta strike when the iron's hot.
Nice shot.
What about your agent? Hear anything yet?
Nope.
What do you think's going on?
Could be anything.
Been checking your messages?
Obsessively.
Huh.
They probably think my book is such a piece of shit that it's not even worthy of a response. I guess I'll just have to learn how to kiss off three years of my life.
Don't come over the top. Stay still.
Shut up.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! What's the matter with you, man? SHUT UP!
What is it?
Fucker hit into us.
Hey, asshole! That's not cool!
Just don't give up on Maya. Cool smart chicks like that --they like persistence.
I don't want to talk about it.
Is it the money thing?
Is what the money thing?
With Maya.
Well, yeah, that's part of it. Woman finds out how I live, that I'm not a published author, that I'm a liar essentially, then yeah, any interest is gonna evaporate real quick. If you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game. You're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir.
Is an abattoir like a... like a... what is that?
Slaughterhouse.
We're on.
What's happening?
We're going to have some fun. Remember fun? We're going to have some of it. Okay?
What exactly are we going to do?
I said okay?
You have to tell me --
You ever actually read any of this guy's books?
He wrote a great one on Burgundy, and I used to get his newsletter, but then there were doubts about whether he does all his own tasting. Plus a couple of times he declared certain years vintages of the century, and they turned out to be turkeys. Fucker never retracted.
Yo! Yo! Here's my boy! Here's my boy! Who's your daddy, boy? Who is yo' daddy?
So tell me everything. Details. I like details.
No.
What?
It's private.
You're kidding, right? Tell me what happened, you fucker, or I'll tie your dick in a knot.
You didn't get any, did you? You're a homo.
Just stop, okay? Make something up, and that's what happened. Whatever you want. Write my confession, and I'll sign it. Just stop pushing me all the time! I can't take it! You're an infant! This is all a big party for you, but not for me! This is serious. And you -- Just... leave me alone, okay? You're fucking me up.
Did you have trouble performing? Yeah, that's...
This whole week has gone sour. It isn't turning out like it was supposed to. I want to go home.
Who's being selfish now? I'm the one getting married. I thought this week was supposed to be about me.
We gotta slow down. I'm so tired. Let's just get out of here.
Do you like them?
Yeah, they're great. Sporty. They're really sporty.
How about this one? We didn't hit this one.
Yeah, it's Frass Canyon. It's a joke.
You ever actually been in there, Miles?
I don't have to.
Tastes like the back of a fucking LA schoolbus. Probably didn't de-stem, hoping for some semblance of concentration, crushed it up with leaves and mice, wound up with this rancid tar and turpentine mouthwash bullshit. Fucking Raid.
I don't know. Tastes okay to me. Hey, they got a reserve pinot.
Let me use your phone.
What's up?
Just write another one. You have lots of ideas, right?
No, I'm finished. I'm not a writer. I'm a middle-school English teacher. I'm going to spend the rest of my life grading essays and reading the works of others. It's okay. I like books. The world doesn't give a shit what I have to say. I'm unnecessary. I'm so insignificant, I can't even kill myself.
What's that supposed to mean?
You know -- Hemingway, Sexton, Woolf, Plath, Delmore Schwartz. You can't kill yourself before you've even been published.
What about that guy who wrote Confederacy of Dunces? He committed suicide before he got published, and look how famous he is.
Thanks.
Don't give up. You're going to make it.
Half my life is over, and I have nothing to show for it. I'm a thumbprint on the window of a skyscraper. I'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue surging out to sea with a million tons of raw sewage.
See? Right there. Just what you just said. That's beautiful. A thumbprint on a skyscraper. I couldn't write that.
Aren't you glad you didn't move up here and marry her?
Don't need a lecture. You fucking told Maya, didn't you?
No, I did not. Must have been Gary at the Hitching Post. I think we mentioned it to him the first night.
You told him. I'm fucking hurting here.
Well?
I'm going to need an operation. Maybe a couple of them. They have to wait for it it to heal first. Then they break it again.
Good thing you have a voice-over career.
Gonna fuck that up too. I should sue her ass. Only reason I won't is to protect Christine.
That's thoughtful.
So how did Stephanie know it was Saturday? We didn't get into that with Gary.
Huh. Let me think.
You sure you didn't say anything to Maya?
What's it look like to you?
You know what I'm thinking?
What's that?
I'm thinking it's time to settle down. One woman. One house. You know. It's time.
I bet you that chick is two tons of fun. You know, the grateful type.
She gets off in an hour, so I think I'm just going to have a drink and then... make sure she gets home safe.
Fucking chick's married.
What?
Her husband works a night shift or something, and he comes home, and I'm on the floor with my cock in his wife's ass.
Jesus, Jack. Jesus. And you walked all the way back from Solvang?
Ran. Twisted my ankle too.
That's five clicks, Jackson.
We gotta go back.
What?
I left my wallet. My credit cards, cash, fucking ID, everything. We gotta go back.
Big deal. We'll call right now and cancel your cards.
You don't understand. The wedding bands. The wedding bands are in my wallet.
Okay, so they were in your wallet, and you left your wallet somewhere. Some bar. Christine'll understand.
No. She ordered them special. Took her forever to find them. They've got this design on them with dolphins and our names engraved in Sanskrit. We've got to go back. Christine'll fucking crucify me.
No way. No way.
Please, Miles, please.
She tell you she was married?
Yeah.
So what the fuck were you thinking?
Wasn't supposed to be back till six. Fucker rolls in at five.
Cutting it a little close, don't you think? So how was she? Compared to Stephanie, say.
So what's the plan?
The plan is... you go.
Me?
My ankle. Just go explain the situation.
Uh, excuse me, sir, but my friend was the one balling your wife a couple hours ago, and he seems to have left his wallet behind, and we were wondering...
Fuck you. I'll get it myself.
Hey, Jack. Jack.
Hrnrnrn?
Yep. Quite a day.
Want me to drive?
No, I'm okay.
Hey, why don't you invite Maya to the wedding?
Somehow I don't think inviting Maya to your wedding is the right move. In fact, after your bullshit, it's going to be hard for me to even go to the Hitching Post again.
Come on, let me drive.
I'm fine. You rest.
What's wrong?
What the fuck!
You said it looked like a car accident.
What the fuck!
Look at this!
I don't know. Doesn't look like anybody got hurt in this one.
Oh, no. Oh, Christ. No, you don't.
You broke some.
Whatever. Sorry.
Well. That about does it.
Why don't you come in?
Uh-uh. You're on your own.
So I'll see you at the rehearsal.
Love you, man.
Hey, don't pull away till they see the car.
Yeah. Hey, why wasn't I injured?
Hey, Miles. Good to see you.
Maya, how are you?
I'm doing good, good. You look great. Did you lose some weight?
Oh, no, actually. Busy night.
Oh yeah, Sunday night. You guys been out tasting today?
You want to join us?
So how's that book of yours going, Miles? I think you were almost done with it last time we talked.
I finished it.
Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a long drive up here. Where're you staying?
Well, good to see you, Miles. Jack.
What are you drinking?
A Fiddlehead Sauvignon Blanc.
Oh yeah? How is it?
Nice. Very nice.
Twelve months in oak.
On a Sauvignon Blanc?
I know the winemaker. She comes in the restaurant all the time.
This is good. Little hints of clove.
I'm having the salmon.
Are you all right?
Hi.
Hey.
She got anything good?
So what gems do you have in your collection?
Not much of a collection really. I haven't had the wallet for that, so I sort of live bottle to bottle. But I've got a couple things I'm saving. I guess the star would be a 1961 Cheval Blanc.
Seriously, the '61s are peaking, aren't they? At least that's what I've read.
Yeah, I know.
It might be too late already. What are you waiting for?
The day you open a '61 Cheval Blanc, that's the special occasion.
How long have you been into wine?
I started to get serious about seven years ago.
What was the bottle that did it?
Wow. We gotta give it a moment, but this is tasty. Really good. How about you?
I think they overdid it a bit. Too much alcohol. Overwhelms the fruit.
Is this Stephanie's kid? Sure is cute.
Yeah, Siena's a sweetie.
Is she sleeping or...?
You got kids?
Who me? Nah, I'd just fuck them up. That was the one unpolluted part of my divorce -- no kids.
It's kind of weird sitting here with you in Stephanie's house. All those times you came into the restaurant. It's like you're a real person now. Almost.
Yeah, I know. It's kind of weird. Out of context.
Yeah, weird. But great.
So what's your novel about?
Well, it's a little difficult to summarize. It begins as a first-person account of a guy taking care of his father after a stroke. Kind of based on personal experience, but only loosely.
What's the title?
"The Day After Yesterday."
Oh. You mean... today?
Um... yeah but it's more...
So is it kind of about death and mortality, or...?
Mrnmm, yeah... but not really. It shifts around a lot. Like you also start to see everything from the point of view of the father. And some other stuff happens, some parallel narrative, and then it evolves -- or devolves -- into a kind of a Robbe-Grillet mystery -- you know, with no real resolution.
Wow. Anyway, I think it's amazing you're getting it published. Really. I know how hard it is. Just to write it even.
Yeah. Thanks.
Like me, I have this stupid paper due on Friday, and as usual I'm freaked out about it. Just like in high school. It never changes.
A paper?
Yeah. I'm working on a masters in horticulture. Chipping away at it.
Horticulture? Wow. I didn't know there was a college here.
I commute to San Luis Obispo twice a week.
So... you want to work for a winery or something someday?
Well...
I do have a copy of the manuscript in the car. It's not fully proofed, but if you're okay with a few typos...
Oh yeah. Who cares? I'm the queen of typos. Wow, this is really starting to open up. What do you think?
My palate's kind of shot, but from what I can tell, I'd dub it pretty damn good.
Can I ask you a personal question?
Sure.
I mean, Cabernets can be powerful and exalting, but they seem prosaic to me for some reason. By comparison. How about you?
What about me?
I don't know. Why are you into wine?
I suppose I got really into wine originally through my ex-husband. He had a big, kind of show-off cellar. But then I found out that I have a really sharp palate, and the more I drank, the more I liked what it made me think about.
Yeah? Like what?
Bathroom over there?
You know how to get back to the Windmill, right?
Got it.
I had a good time tonight, Miles. I really did.
Good. So did I.
Okay. See you around.
Um... did you still want to read my novel?
Hope you like it. Feel free to stop reading at any time. I'll take no offense.
Hey, Miles, I heard you came by the restaurant last night looking for me.
Oh, yeah. No. I mean yeah, I stopped by for a drink. Didn't see you.
I had class.
Well, nice to see you now.
You guys should stop by the restaurant for lunch today.
Great. What's the latest we can get there?
About two-thirty.
Okay.
No, we've got to get back Friday for the rehearsal dinner.
Were you ever going to say anything?
Maya.
I've told him. I've told him over and over, but he's out of control.
Do you know what he's been saying to her?
He's an actor, so it can't be good.
Oh, just that he loves her. That she's the only woman who has ever really rocked his world. How he adores Siena. How he wants to move up here and get a place with the two of them and commute when he has to.
Please believe me. I was even on the verge of telling you last night, but...
But you wanted to fuck me first.
Oh, Maya. No.
You know, I just spent three years trying to extricate myself from a relationship that turned out to be full of deception. And I've been doing just fine.
Hi. It's Maya. Please leave a message.
Hello?
Victoria.
Victoria! How the hell are you?
Fine. What's, uh, what's on your mind?
Heard you got remarried! Congratulations. Didn't think you had the stomach for another go-round.
Oh, Miles. You're drunk.
Where are you?
Hello?
Miles, don't call me when you're drunk.
I just wanted you to know I've decided not to go to the wedding, so in case you were dreading some uncomfortable, you know, run-in or something, well, worry no more. You won't see me there. My wedding gift to you and what's- his-name. What is his name?
Ken.
Ken.
Miles, I don't care if you come to the wedding or not.
Well, I'm not coming, Barbie. So you guys have fun.
I'm going to hang up now, Miles.
I guess I just thought there was still some hope for us somewhere down the road and I just, I just --
Hi, Vicki. You look beautiful.
That was big of him.
Yeah, he's good that way. Very considerate.
That's great.
So how're you doing?
Since the last time we spoke? I don't know. Could be better. Could be worse.
So what's happening with your book?
Universally rejected. Strike three.
Oh, Miles. That's awful. What are you going to do?
Back to the drawing board, I guess. Or not. So... you're married. Congratulations. You look happy.
I am.
Seems like everyone's getting married. A year ago it was all divorces. Now it's all weddings. Cyclical, I guess.
Well, let's go have some champagne, shall we? Toast all the newlyweds.
Not me. I'm not drinking.
You quit drinking?
I'm pregnant.
Oh. Huh. Well... Congratulations again, Vicki. That's wonderful news.
See you over there, Miles.
How much skin and stem contact?
About four weeks.
Huh. That explains all the tannins. And how long in oak?
About a year.
French or American?
Both.
Pour me a full glass. I'll pay for it.
Sir, what are you doing?
I told you I need a drink.
So what do you think?
Cabernet Franc. This is only the fifth year we've made this varietal. Very few wineries around here do a straight Cabernet Franc. It's from our vineyard up in Santa Maria. And it was a Silver Medal winner at Paso Robles last year.
What's everyone ordering? Then we can sort out the wine.
Should we get dessert?
Anything but the Jayer Richebourg!
That was fun last night.
Yeah. Good food. You've got quite a wine collection. Very impressive.
Where's Jack?
So what are you up to today, Miles?
Just kickin' back, I guess. I don't know. Jack and I were supposed to go golfing.
Huh.
Yeah, I reserved the tee time about a month ago.
Oops. Sorry.
You golf?
Me? No, I think it's kind of a stupid game. I mean, at least, I could never get into it. I tried it once.
Hi, guys. We should probably get going.
See you, Miles. You take care.
Stephanie! Stop!
A famous actor who's getting married next week.
It was a surprise, Mom.
You talked to Wendy?
Just now. She's thrilled. And the kids.
Yeah, well. You know, Jack's pretty eager to get up to... you know, but, uh, yeah. We'll see how it goes.
Well, you boys do what you want. I just think it would be nice for us to be together as a family on my birthday.
Miles, when are you going to get married again?
Houdini's sick.
What's the matter?
What's wrong with the water next to your bed?
What's the rule about getting up in the middle of the night?
Only for pee or poop.
What are you thinking about?
It makes me feel better.
Does she ever answer back?
No.
There's dust in it.
This one?
A hair.
This one?
See this is why we're not watching those news reports. People get obsessed. I'm letting go now.
Daddy.
I think it's contaminated.
It's not contaminated. It's just tap water. Pour it in his bowl.
It tastes funny.
Not English though. You heard the voices right Uncle Merrill?
Listen Bo. This is very important. Everything people have written about in science books is going to change. The history of the world's future is on the TV right now. We need to record this so you can show your children this tape and say you were there... For your children Bo.
My ballet recital.
The same windows.
I don't want you to die.
I'm scared.
Hi sweetie.
I was just taking a walk before dinner.
Does it hurt?
I don't feel much.
...Tell Morgan to play games -- it's okay to be silly.
...I will.
...Tell Bo to listen to her brother. He'll always take care of her.
...I will.
...Tell Graham --
I'm here.
And tell Merrill to swing away.
You do?
I've had two separate folks tell me they think there are strangers around these parts the last couple of nights. Can't tell what they look like, cause they're staying in the shadows -- covert like. No one's got hurt mind you... And that's the give away.
I see.
It's called probing. It's a military procedure. You send a reconnaissance group, very small, to check out things. Not to engage, but to evaluate the situation. Evaluate the level of danger. Make sure things are all clear...
I got the bat at home... On the wall.
Five. The five longest.
Okay, this guy is trying to scare us. He's messed with our property, he's coming around the house. It's time for an ass whoopin'!
Explain, act crazy?
Curse and stuff.
I'm not going to curse.
You don't mean it. It's just for show.
It doesn't sound natural when I curse.
Just make noises then.
Explain noises.
Are you going to do this or what?
No I'm not.
I cursed.
It was very dark.
It was very dark.
This guy got on the roof in like a second.
That roof is over ten feet high.
Pharmacy crowded?
It's noise.
It's probably picking up another baby monitor.
Morgan, be careful.
Do you think it's a possibility?
Yes.
How can you say that?
That wasn't the answer you wanted?
Do you feel comforted?
Yes.
For the kids protection. All they were doing was watching TV from five a.m. I felt like they were getting obsessed like you said. They should be playing furry, furry rabbit or tea party or something right?
What's furry, furry rabbit?
That's a game isn't it? Anyway... There's been some interesting developments.
What time is it?
They caught it on tape and they've been playing it all morning. They found the bird. His head crushed in. When you see the footage it looks like the bird flew into a wall in the sky. They think they have some invisible shield thing going, like an optical illusion.
The bird could have had a heart attack and crushed his head when he fell.
Where are you going?
I'm sorry, what book is this?
Chicken Teriyaki.
Should we turn off the lights?
They're on the roof.
This is going to do nothing.
Did I ever tell you, I dislocated Uncle Merrill's arm?
Should we make a run for it out the back?
He was only a year and half old.
What are you doing?
We won't be able to get out of there.
Merrill --
Merrill!
They're distracting us?
I can feel air.
Me too.
It's getting stronger.
They're broadcasting...
How many died?
They think over a hundred thousand. They're just estimates. But we held strong.
How do they know it's over?
No.
He's been like that for awhile. We need to get him some medicine.
Have they said anything about our area?
He's not strong enough to fight off another attack.
That's good enough for me.
Don't touch him.
Graham.
Can I use Bo's old baby monitor as a walkie-talkie?
Yes.
It needs batteries.
These are D's; I need double A's.
It's still making the noises. It's broken.
We might lose the signal.
I'm getting out now.
Morgan?
So the aliens can't read our minds.
Oh.
It says they're probably very small -- like my height -- because, as their brains developed, there was no use for physical development. It says they're probably vegetarians, because they would have realized the benefits of such a diet.
Scientists who have been persecuted for their beliefs.
Dr. Bimboo, one of the authors of the book --
Bimboo?
Dad.
Tell me something Morgan. In that book of your, did they happen to detail what would happen if they were hostile?
They said one of two things could happen. One, they fight and are defeated and leave to return again with full forces hundreds or even thousands of years later.
What's two?
What do you think about the idea that they don't like places near water, and we might be safe from them near a lake or something?
We'll have to board up the bedroom doors.
Where are we going to sleep?
What about Isabelle?
French toast... and mashed potatoes.
Stop crying!
They'll read our minds!
I can't even imagine.
Did someone save me?
It's the strangest thing Father.
Don't call me Father.
What's that?
Don't call me Father. It's just Graham now.
You said something was strange. What's strange?
The footprints.
What about them?
It's not broken.
Second thing this week I can't explain.
What was the first thing?
Some animals around the county exhibiting uncharacteristic behavior. Sometimes violent behavior. Theo Henry had two of his fingers bit off by his cow.
Sounds like a virus.
You can't describe him at all? Don't you think that's find of odd?
It does seem kind of odd doesn't it?
I don't know whether to look for a midget or a --
He definitely wasn't a midget.
Okay. So he was tall?
Let me ask you two something. Don't be embarrassed by the answer. It is possible... Just possible now, you might have been chasing each other around? You said you went in opposite directions.
I don't think so.
Do you owe anybody money? You can tell me off the record if you need too.
Is anything missing?
But I'll tell you something, what I said in their, still goes. You and your family have been through a lot in the last two days... Not to mention what happened to you all seven months ago.
And three weeks.
It's left its mark still. The last thing these children need to do, is worry about some crazy things happening in the world. Take them into town. Get their minds -- your mind, on everyday things. It's good medicine.
It's good advice... Say hi to Marcia for me.
There was an accident. Drunk driving. They weren't sure.
Is he okay?
She's not in an ambulance Father.
Why not?
See Father, Ray's truck swerved off the road and ah... Hit Colleen and then a tree. She was pinned between the two.
The truck... the truck has severed most of her lower half.
Is that him?
Don't do it!
They think these look like stages immediately proceeding an attack maneuver.
It's like War of the Worlds.
Some guy had a sign that said it was the end of the world. Nothing really bad is going to happen, is it Uncle Merrill?
The book says they're probably very good problem solvers.
What book!
I wouldn't do that. You're going to need every gun when that posse gets here.
Posse? What the hell you talking about?
You brought a posse to my best hideout and you want to know if I mind. Mister, I don't know any of those names and you're about to die.
I'd get down if I were you. They may be up there now.
No money, eh?
If we charge them, they won't have a chance. But we gotta get to the horses.
Emmett! Am I glad to see you!
Howdy, Jake. What's going on here?
All I did was kiss a girl.
That's why they got you in jail?
So I did, I got out of there, I don't want no trouble. You know me. So I walked out on the street and the fella tried to shoot me in the back.
...And you had to kill him?
No, no, no! I winged him, and he dropped his gun.
Well, no, not exactly. See then his friend opened up on me.
What friend is that?
Jake, I'm going to ask you once -- was it self-defense?
I think we lost 'em.
Forget the money. You've got to get these people out of here. This is no place to be sitting with women and kids.
Well, Kate, it was self-defense sure enough, but I think you'd have to say I killed old Murdo. I think that's definitely the word.
Emmett.
I didn't know you were out.
That's all over as far as I'm concerned, Emmett. I'm satisfied.
Sounds good.
Forget it.
After the war my family worked a little piece of land near Savannah for a while. But the way it was down there then... well, they made it hard every way they could. Finally my daddy figured the promised land was out this direction. By that time I was so sick of farming, I didn't want to touch another hoe ever. I wouldn't come
Where were you?
Maybe we'll see you sometime.
...Gotta go...
Where are we?
I'd be worse if you hadn't come along.
I didn't just come along. I was looking for you. Jake said you were out there. I saw him in town, and he told me about that business the other night. Said you boys took a Henry off one of McKendrick's men. I wanted to see it.
This was my father's. The men who killed him took it.
I gotta get to my brother. If they came after me, they'll want him too.
You'll never make it.
I'll go. I'll bring Jake out here.
Be careful. You're in it now. And it's gonna get mean.
I almost didn't.
Where's Jake?
McKendrick's men got him.
Kate?
Gotta go.
More than enough.
Have you thought at all about your plans?
The Parkers seem like nice folks.
They've been kind to me.
Paden sends his best.
I'm surprised to see you out here tonight.
I just came out to say goodbye.
Goodbye?
You came all the way out here to tell me you're going to California? All you had to do was go, and we'd never see each other again.
You don't make it easy on a fellow.
Maybe you thought you'd be back this way someday.
Are you all right?
This is a brutal land.
You must have known that before you came.
We told Sheriff Cobb about the attack. He said he'd... look into it. I can't believe he's the law out here. Now I see why you all wear guns.
How's Mr. Parker doing?
Weren't you going to come out to say good-bye?
I already did that.
This time you're really going? You know where I'll be.
I've got my people sitting down there... ...swatting flies and raring to go.
I'm afraid it is a bad start, friend, 'cause my name isn't Baxter, and he ain't Hawley.
You're not Baxter?
My name is Emmett.
Hobart, what are you people doing here?
This is where Baxter and Hawley brung us.
Well, they're wrong. This territory is full of bad characters.
I'm just meeting a guy here and moving on. So far I haven't been able to find him.
In my town, when you're looking for someone, you ask me.
I guess tomorrow at dawn he'll be proved right.
Ten A.M.
Maybe I ought to throw you in jail too. Then you could be with all your friends.
I haven't done anything.
I want you out of town before the hanging.
Two of the horses ran off, but that pinto you're riding hung around.
Offend anybody lately?
Jefferson City?
No, Leavenworth.
I've never been in there. They just jumped you out of the blue?
I had to get up anyway.
Me, I'm riding along, minding my own business. Four cowboys come by and we decide to ride together for a while, friendly as can be. I always figure you might as well approach life like everybody's your friend or nobody is... don't make much difference. We get out in the middle of that frying pan and suddenly everybody's pointing their gun but me. I
Looks like that's not all they admired.
Looks like those boys are headed south, so they weren't the same ones that jumped me. Which way you going?
Where's the pinto going?
I gotta stop by Turley and meet a guy.
Where's Turley?
South of here, past Chimayo.
Maybe I'll go along as far as Chimayo. Get me some clothes. Maybe a bath.
I see what you like, she's mighty pretty.
I gotta be going.
Going to Turley, was it?
What's Turley like?
It's a town...
They got a saloon there?
I expect.
Women?
Doesn't look quite fair.
Shame about the kid. Seems a lively sort.
He is that.
I hate to see any man swing. Bad luck.
You'll have to deal me out on that. I've had some experience with that sort of thing, and I don't want any more.
I understand.
It's not going to be easy.
Then I guess this is where we part ways. Sorry.
No hard feelings.
C'mon, I'll buy you a drink.
You haven't got any money.
You know, hanging around with you is no picnic.
Where you been?
I think I'll ride along with the lady here. Just take a look at this farmland before I come into Silverado. See what makes a trip this hard worth taking. I'll see you around.
Hannah's a smart, pretty woman, but she's got a hard idea for living.
Yeah?
All I'm saying is, you won't trip over me if you look her up.
Cobb, I want you to meet Emmett. He's a friend of mine. This is Sheriff Cobb.
I'll see you around.
You might make a farmer yet.
Daddy?
Where is Rae?
She's gone, gone to town. She hated working on the farm... ...just like you.
What happened?
They run me off. They burned me out. They made it so I couldn't do. Just like Georgia. If you won't sell, they take it anyway.
Who?
The cattle! This valley runs down to a clear creek. That's why we picked this spot, and that's why they don't want us here.
You own this land.
I paid the government for it, all right. That don't mean much out here. Malachi, I'm living like a wildcat in a cave in those hills. Hiding out, afraid to walk my own land.
What about the law?
That's a lie.
He acted bravely out there, Hannah. Just bad luck his getting hit. Could have been any one of us.
I don't believe in luck. I know what Conrad was like. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear.
Never will again.
Mr. and Mrs. Parker have agreed to join their parcel to mine. We'll work them together. Mine starts right over there. It's all I've ever wanted. Pretty land, isn't it?
A lot of men have told me that. Maybe it's true. I guess some women are slow to believe it.
Believe it.
They're drawn to me by that. But it never lasts.
Why?
Because they don't like what I want.
What's that?
J.T.'s done everything he can. I married a brave man. Augie, take that delightful gift your uncle gave you out of here while we're talking. McKendrick picked the new sheriff himself, so J.T. can't even get the law enforced.
Augie's going to grow up here. There's nothing wrong with the land, it's just some of the people.
The problem is, Emmett, you killed the wrong McKendrick.
It was not -- it was Murdo's. Those McKendricks don't know how to act like human beings.
His son is worse than he was. He's smoother, so you don't always hear him coming, but he'll do anything to keep his range free.
You mean you ain't coming with Emmett and me?
I can't say I'm convinced you're going anywhere.
Sure we are. We're leaving at dawn.
I've got no reason to run. It was a fair fight and there were plenty of witnesses.
Yeah, that's what happened with me too.
The other guy drew first.
Didn't he tell you about Blind Pete?
We didn't get that far.
That's the longest I ever did it. 'Bout bust a gut.
What now?
Where's your brother?
This a friend of yours?
He is now.
Who is he?
Get out of here, Jake.
All I did was kiss the girl.
That's what you said in Turley. You remember how that ended.
What's the matter, Paden? You afraid I couldn't get those two behind me?
New record.
Kelly, get over here. You didn't come all this way just to pay me back that money, did you? Kelly, meet my friend Paden.
Howdy.
You wanted to see me?
What are you talking about?
I'm done talking. Get out.
You can't do this.
There are three strangers in this room, traveller, and these gents you are accusing aren't them. Are these your friends?
I wanted a drink and a bed. I guess I came to the wrong place.
Came to the wrong town. I don't tolerate this kind of thing. It's hard on the peace, and it's hard on the furniture. Now, knowing a bit about Carter here, I'm going to let you go without paying for the damages. But go you will, and I mean now.
Is there a place in town that takes... my kind?
You misunderstand. I want you out of town. In fact, I want you all the way out of my jurisdiction.
That ain't right.
What's all this then?
This nigger's breaking up my place, Sheriff Langston.
I don't like that word much, Carter.
We don't serve them here and you know it. I asked him to leave and he went crazy on us. He owes me money for this damage.
Who's going to pay for all this, Sheriff?
Now let's talk about you chaps.
We'd rather stay.
We'll see about that. I'm Sheriff John Langston. As you may have guessed, I am not from these parts.
You're kidding.
The jury saw it differently.
So this is the guy you're going to hang?
Tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock.
Hello, Rae.
What are you doing here? I thought you were done with our family.
He was murdered.
Who did it?
I'm not sure, but I got an idea. And when I am sure, they're going to pay.
What are you doing here, Rae? This ain't for you.
It's none of your business.
Rae, all we got is each other.
Get out. We have nothing to talk about.
Rae, I need help.
Why come to me?
Because you're my sister. There's nobody else. The men who killed Daddy are after Jake. I gotta talk to him.
What's stopping you?
They're watching the Hollis place. I can't get through.
What makes you think I could?
Why would they stop you?
Why him?
This is it, gents. My ma told me to head south past that rock.
Why are they doing this, Mal?
Because they enjoy it.
I heard from Stella you were trying to find Jake. What happened to Emmett?
I got there just short of too late.
Yeah, it's working out real good.
He must be pretty good.
He's good, all right. Too good for my men. That's why you've got to take care of it.
What about his brother?
Things are getting messy around here. I hear Ezra Johnson got himself killed.
I heard that too.
Hello, Cobb.
I see you're prospering without me.
It's been a while.
Appreciate the loan. I'm good for it.
Let's talk about that. I'm looking for some men.
I've given that up.
So have I. I've got a legitimate job now. I can use a guy like you.
You've got a legitimate job.
Yes, sir. You wouldn't believe it.
This is mighty sweet, Paden. I think I finally found my place in the world.
You got a place to stay?
I just got to town.
What brings you into my saloon?
Luck, I guess.
Good old Paden. I was hoping you'd changed your mind about the job.
Nothing like that will happen between us.
I took out thirteen dollars.
This is a lot of money.
I told you this was a sweet set-up.
It is that.
Easy, boy. Just an idea.
Well, thanks, but forget it.
What is it you want from me?
Nothing. Do nothing. Don't get between us.
I'm a great believer in doing nothing.
So we understand each other?
I'm going to have to look into this.
Yeah, maybe I will too.
I thought we talked about that.
You gotta calm down, Paden. Everything will be put straight in a few days.
I never could count on you to be reasonable. Don't force me to make an adjustment around here.
Cobb, you've got nothing I need.
I'm not thinking about your future, Paden. I'm worried about Stella.
What's she got to do with it?
What a waste. This could have been such a sweet deal for us.
Yeah. Bad luck. Good-bye, Cobb.
You work here?
Nifty.
The world is what you make of it, friend. If it doesn't fit, you make alterations.
I'll drink to that. Will you join me, Miss --
Stella.
Stella... Are you the midnight star herself?
My compliments to you, Miss Stella. This is what I call a saloon.
Thanks. That's what I call it too.
And I know what I'm talking about.
You like a good saloon?
It's the only place I'm happy.
You wouldn't be needing any help around here, would you? Maybe with the gambling?
That's Kelly, my so-called partner. He runs that side.
So-called?
Yeah, aside from being a loud-mouthed, lying cheat, he's just the man I would have picked.
Why'd you go into business with him?
I don't own this place. The man who does stuck me with Kelly.
Who's the owner?
Is this a fair mix?
I'm saving lives here. The straight stuff would raise a blood blister on boot leather.
What's this?
That's the good stuff.
You really are a gambler.
Where's the dog now?
What is it that I can't figure?
What do you mean?
What makes you say that?
If he didn't you'd never sit still while this was happening.
You sure? Maybe that's the kind of friend I am.
Nah! What's he got? This is a nice saloon, but there are other nice saloons. It's not the money. Not for you. Why can't I get ahold of it? Cobb says there's no telling what you're going to care about.
Some people think because they're stronger -- or meaner -- they can push you around. I've seen a lot of that. But it's only true if you let it be. The world is what you make of it.
I like your attitude. But it can be risky.
How about you?
I don't want you to get hurt.
I've got a place I can hide her.
Stella, this is one of my oldest surviving friends. Treat him right.
That was my plan.
It's an advance. We want him to know he's going to be happy here.
I wouldn't worry about that.
From what I've seen, Paden doesn't care much about money.
-- Forgive me, Mr. Taransky. I'm just trying to understand. All these films, TV appearances, magazine covers, internet interviews, publicity photos, snapshots from her childhood -- all fake. This is fake, this is fake -- fake, fake, fake, all fake.
That's right. You understand perfectly. I will confess to fraud, not murder.
A fan club with a worldwide membership in the millions -- also bogus?
Oh, no. The fan club is real. But they were worshipping computer code -- ones and zeros.
So, of course, you couldn't kill Simone because there never was a Simone.
Of course.
But not everyone's imaginary, are they, Mr. Taransky? I refer, of course, to Edith.
Can you tell us why you were disposing of the body of a woman who didn't exist?
It wasn't her body. It was her body of work.
Why don't you just come clean, Viktor? Tell the truth. You'll feel better afterwards.
I am telling the truth.
We all know what happened. In a fit of jealous rage you killed Simone and dumped her body off a boat she bought for you.
I'd love to stop somewhere but I'm late. I'm on my way to see Viktor now.
No, I understand. That's what I want to talk about. I don't know if you know this, Simone, but Viktor and I were married once.
I can't imagine how you ever let a man like that go. I owe Viktor everything.
I think he owes more to you. But that's not important now. I know what's going on between you two.
I want to reassure you, Elaine, there's absolutely nothing going on between Viktor and I.
You don't have to protect my feelings, Simone. I don't blame Viktor for falling in love with the most desirable woman in the world.
My God, are you alright, Simone?
Damn -- Yes -- I -- -- I'm just a little tired. Listen, Elaine, Viktor and I -- it's strictly a working relationship. We could never be anything else. We're just so... different.
Exactly. You're a household name now. You're moving in entirely different worlds. That's why I hope you're not toying with Viktor.
It sounds like you still have feelings for him.
We have a daughter together. I just don't want to see Viktor get hurt.
I don't know how many times I have to say this, Elaine, but Viktor and I are not in love. I only make love to the camera.
Christ -- Elaine, I know how it looks but... ... it would mean a lot to Viktor if you'd go with him to the Oscars. If you won't do it for him, please do it for me.
Okay -- for you.
Thanks. This is my exit so, I --
I'm glad we talked.
Of course she is. No other name is going to sign on now and risk offending her.
No! You will not give in to that blackmailing bitch!
God, Viktor. Why do you always have to make things so difficult for yourself?
-- Do you know what these are, Elaine?
Hmm... Mike and Ike's.
Not just any Mike & Ike's -- cherry Mike & Ike's. Do you know why I, Viktor Taransky, two-time Academy Award nominated director --
-- Viktor, that was Short Subject.
-- I have a feeling you're going to tell me.
-- I'll tell you why. It is because Miss Nicola Anders, supermodel with a SAG card God's gift to cinema, has it written into her contract that all cherry Mike & Ike's be removed from her candy dish along with strict instructions that any room she walks into should have seven packs of cigarettes waiting for her three of them opened, that there be
-- What's wrong with that?
Elaine, she doesn't have any children! Don't you see? We're being held hostage by 12 men and 5 women who someone somewhere has decreed are the A-list.
The public decides who's on that list.
Please.
It's the truth. Those 17 superstars are our insurance policy. We can't open -- can't make a profit without them.
We can hardly make a profit with them. Up-front salary, back-end deal, perks, per diem, percentages -- They're mocking us, Elaine. We're at their mercy. We always had movie stars but they used to be our stars. We used to decide who would play what role. We told them what to wear, what to say, who to date. When they were under contract, we
You realize you're nostalgic for an era you weren't even born in?
Well, I do remember why I started out in this business -- you seem to have forgotten -- working in New York with Cassevetes -- we were trying to do something important, shine a light in that darkened cinema --
-- It's called a projector.
-- Illuminate hearts and minds with a ray of truth.
Listen, Viktor, I have good memories of those days too -- but this isn't about that or you or me or some high-minded ideal. This is business.
Spare me.
You're not renewing my contract.
I'm not taking away your daughter, just your deal. You and I both know, after the divorce I kept you on for old time's sake, so you could still hold your head up in front of Lainey. I called what's his name at Warner's. He said he'd take a meeting -- in July. I've fought for you Viktor... You want to talk severance?
You can have everything -- office, car, assistants -- all I want is the picture.
The picture's dead.
So there's no problem -- I can have the rights, the negative too?
They're yours. But how are you going to finish it? Without a star there's no movie.
I don't need a star. All I need is an actor -- I'll reshoot the part, cut out Nicola and replace her with a real actor. A real leading lady.
Where is she?
Good to see you too, Elaine.
Why isn't she with you?
Viktor... I want to thank you for convincing Simone to sign with the studio.
Don't thank me. It was entirely Simone's decision. Do you have Simone's check?
I don't have it on me. Anyway, it means a lot. Have you read the reviews? They're love letters. Listen to this one. "Simone has the voice of a young Jane Fonda, the body of Sophia Loren, the grace of, well, Grace Kelley, and the face of Audrey Hepburn combined with an angel".
Almost right.
I can't wait to meet her.
I don't know if that's going to happen.
Why not?
As I say, she's... something of a recluse. That's how she's able to stay so pure -- by isolating herself in her art.
Don't be ridiculous. I arranged a press conference.
Out of the question. A circus like that?
Viktor, it's my studio.
Sorry I didn't get her back in time.
No problem. Do you want to come in?
Viktor, we simply have to talk about "Eternity..."
"Forever".
Whatever. I still haven't received Simone's script notes.
There aren't any. If the filmmakers are happy, Simone's happy. She considers herself an... "instrument".
Really? Oh, so she's really going to do all this nudity?
Well, something has to be done about this budget. It's completely unrealistic. You allowed nothing for limousine service.
She'll drive herself.
Hair and make-up?
She'll do her own. Theater training.
She was in the theater? When? Where?
I'll send you her resume.
Al least a contingency for wardrobe. Any woman can go up a dress size.
-- I guarantee she won't gain an once. She's very disciplined.
Well, we have to do something about this -- "stuntwoman".
What about it?
There isn't one.
No need. She does all her own stunts.
Even the fall from the plane?
Even the fall from the plane.
As I've tried to explain to you, Elaine. Simone isn't like any other actress you've ever known. She's about the work and only the work -- lives for the work. She wants all the money up there... ... on the screen where it belongs. She'd work for scale except I know you only respect people you pay a fortune.
Which accounts for your percentage. When do I get to meet this dream?
Not today. She's learning her lines. You can also take cue cards and teleprompter out of the budget.
Listen, Viktor... I want to talk to you now, not as Elaine, studio head, but Elaine, ex-wife. Second ex-wife. You got lucky this last time but you need to be careful. We both know you wouldn't be making this overblown art film of you hadn't convinced Simone to be in it.
Elaine, talking to you now, not as Viktor, director, but Viktor, ex husband... what the hell happened to you?
Experience, Viktor. I've seen this a hundred times -- young stars destroying the very people who discovered them. I'm worried about you, that's all. This woman -- she controls your destiny.
Simone does not control my destiny.
Stunning, Viktor. The Hollywood Foreign Press is going to eat this up.
I got them to remove the reflection. The mirror's metaphor -- to show how her character's inwardly dead.
That's genius, Viktor. Was that Simone's idea?
Maybe you're right. Twelve years after your daughter's born you decide to become a father.
Better late than never.
I should fire you more often. The film's looking wonderful.
You really think so?
Yes. To be honest I never quite saw this film before -- maybe it's the way Simone is playing it -- but what it's saying about the illusion of permanence in everyday life, how that's the only way we can love -- I think it's really going to mean something.
Thank you. I'll tell Simone you liked it.
I'd love to tell her myself. When are you going to let me meet her?
Soon. Soon.
Everyone I know has met her, Viktor.
Everyone you know is lying.
-- You can't go in there!
-- It's starting to look like she doesn't support the film or you, Viktor. If you can't handle her, I will.
So, the secret's finally out, Viktor.
-- I can explain.
The premiere was the first time I've convinced her to venture out and it just confirmed her worst nightmares.
Viktor, you should have said something.
She doesn't want pity.
I'll tell you what. I know how much this means to you. I'll try to get her to plug the film. I'm not promising anything but maybe she'll do a talk show -- taped.
Oh, make it live -- please, Viktor.
She was there. She didn't by any chance happen to mention me?
She said you were very beautiful.
Really?
Elaine, what are you doing tonight? Would you like to go somewhere -- dinner?
I'd love to. But aren't you supposed to meet up with Simone?
-- Viktor, are you with her? Is she there?
Are you and Simone... ... getting married?
No, of course not! Why? Would you care if we were?
Well, yes. From a studio point of view, it would be better if Simone stayed single. Anyhow, I thought she came across great tonight. Intelligent, well informed, a natural. And touching. She was spectacular.
Viktor, do you realize you always do that?
Do what?
Whenever I compliment Simone, you take the credit.
I do?
Yes, you do... Anyway, tonight was a good start.
Excuse me? Start?
My two favorite girls.
... Simone.
She's lying down. She's exhausted.
Elaine, it's Wednesday.
Is it Wednesday? It's Wednesday. How embarrassing. I don't know what I was thinking. With all the excitement lately... Am I interrupting something? Are you expecting company?
As a matter-of-fact I am.
When is she coming over?
About now. Would you like a drink?
Is Simone back to earth yet?
Not quite.
I'm sure you'll keep her focussed. She's lucky to have you, Viktor. Is she really having your baby?
Impossible.
I just read somewhere --
I know. I know. They'll say anything.
-- She already is. Simone's not coming over, Elaine. Not tonight, not ever. I want you back, Elaine.
This is crazy. Who am I fooling? I can't compete with Simone. What woman can?
I would rather have you than Simone. Believe me.
That's sweet, Viktor, but I couldn't let you do that -- make that kind of sacrifice. It's strange. I've stabbed people in the back, clawed and slept my way to where I am -- it goes with the territory -- but, for some reason, I can't betray Simone. There's... I don't know any other way to say it -- there's a goodness to her.
No, there isn't. There's nothing to her.
Oh, Viktor. You say that now -- because we're here, alone, like this. But in the morning, you'd go back to her. What man wouldn't?
No, I will end my relationship with her -- totally.
But you don't understand. She'll always be there -- at some party, on some magazine cover, some song on the radio, up on some screen.
No. She'll never work again -- retire, never make a movie or a record, or appear ever again.
Of course she will. Her public will demand it.
Not if I don't let her.
I'm going to tell you a secret now, Elaine. Simone is not a real person. I invented her.
Every actor is an invention, Viktor. Don't embarrass yourself. No one's denying that you discovered Simone. But it's like finding a diamond in the desert. Anyone can trip over it, but it's not the finder who sparkles.
-- No, no, I didn't trip over her. You don't understand --
-- You just got lucky that she's loyal enough to stay with you. Maybe she's staying out of pity, who knows? She certainly doesn't need you. Some people even say you're holding her back.
Who says that -- ? -- Never mind. You have to listen to me, Elaine. Simone is thin air, pixels, molded by me from a mathematical equation. I inherited it from a madman -- I can show you --
How much wine have you had?
-- She's a figment of my own imagination. I, Viktor Taransky, have perpetrated the greatest hoax, the greatest sleight-of-hand, sleight-of-mouth, sleight-of- sleight in entertainment history! And still no one appreciates me, recognizes what I've done -- even you.
You're drunker than I thought. Are you doing that again?
Can I see you later -- go away for the weekend?
Thank you! I don't know how you did it but thank you.
Don't thank us too fast, Viktor. You know what we have to do?
Why stop at one character when you can have a whole cast?
I was thinking -- what about you and... "Simone" moving back in with me and Lainey?
Don't look so glum, Viktor. It's not a death sentence.
Hello?
Hello, is this Elaine?
Yes -- oh my, God. Is that you, Simone?! I've been wanting to talk to you.
Well, here I am. You look pretty today. Red suits you.
Where are you?
Mom, do you miss Dad?
Thank Simone for the tickets.
Let's go, Lainey. There's nothing here.
God, it's so like your father. Why can't people take responsibility for their actions anymore? I can almost forgive him for killing Simone -- but denying her existence. I can never forgive that.
Because obviously she existed, right?
I know it as surely as you're sitting here, sweetheart. She was the most vital woman I ever met.
So you did meet her?
Of course. What are you suggesting?
I know it's embarrassing to admit it, mom, but when I think about it -- honestly, I haven't. I mean, it feels like I have. I know more about her than members of my own family. She's even in my dreams. But I realized, going back through my diary, they were all TV appearances, near misses at parties, second-hand rumor, gossip on the internet.
Well, I --
-- We don't believe daddy because we don't want to believe we were taken in too.
Lainey, there's no evidence that Simone isn't real.
You had no choice, Elaine. He's a liability.
I can't believe she's doing this -- taking advantage of him this way. It's cruel.
Why?
Obviously, this can't last. She's going to dump him. Viktor won't be able to take that. He's too sensitive. It'll destroy him.
Elaine, do you realize you can't stop talking about Viktor?
Thank God for you, Faith. I know this is above and beyond the call of duty for a stand-in. You don't know what a service you're performing for Simone -- shielding her from those animals.
You understand you'll have to come back to my place to keep them off the, er... ... scent.
Of course.
You look so, so...
... so much like her?
Yes, of course, but very beautiful in your own right.
What?... What did you say?
Do what you do to Simone.
What I do to Simone?
Yes, call me Simone.
Simone?
Yes, yes, again, again. Do what you do to Simone. I want to know what it's like to be her just for one night.
You're with me to be close to her?
"Why are we here? Is that what you're asking, Jack?... Why are we here? No why. Just here".
Well, no one could accuse you of being over-exposed, Simone. Why have you stayed so completely out of the limelight?
I just think actors talk too much. Does the world really want to hear your life story just because you've got a movie opening Friday?
Don't I know it. That's the only reason I'm here now -- to put the attention back where it belongs, on Mr. Taransky's film.
You don't secretly want the attention?
Because, you have to understand, Frank, these interviews -- none of this is real. Who I am on screen and who I really am are two totally different people.
Who are you really?
No, I'm okay.
Let's talk about the work that you care so much about.
Sure. Where would you like to start?
How about the nudity?
Nudity has just never been an issue for me, Frank. For me, clothes are just an option.
What exactly was it that attracted you to your first two projects?
-- Simone, the question on everyone's mind is simply... "why?"
With everything that was going on in my life, I just needed to drop out of sight for a while -- I needed time. Viktor bought me that time. I owe him so much.
We all do. But now I understand you're eager to get back to work -- and not the kind of work that we're all expecting.
That's true. I can reveal that I am considering a career in politics.
Nicola Anders is the only actress who can play that role.
Viktor, I'm so happy for us!
Hello, Hal.
The film. The chemistry. No reflections on Nicola but Simone and I -- we were just so right together.
You never were together, Hal.
And still the connection was undeniable. I haven't read "Eternity Forever" but I know it's brilliant. And I know I would be perfect for Clive.
Clyde.
Yes, perfect. As a matter of fact, I ran into Simone on the lot the other day.
Really? She didn't mention it.
You'll never guess who I'm with... you ran into him on the lot.
It was more in passing.
How will you do our love scenes?
Body double.
For her?
Hal, what are you doing?
Viktor, Clyde simply has to get close to Simone in this scene! He has to touch her. He has to!
Absolutely not!
But she's right there! I must feel her!
You can't.
Why not?
There's... a wall between you --
-- an emotional wall, I know. That's why --
-- No. No. A real wall. You ran right through it.
How did the wall get there?
Is she here?
I'm fine, Hal. How are you?
You know I sometimes forget she has bodily functions.
I know what you mean.
No. In fact, between us, she doesn't really exist.
-- Mr. Taransky, Mr. Taransky... thank God. I've been trying to see you, calling -- Your assistant wouldn't put me through. I told her it was a matter of life and death. I was afraid I wouldn't get to you in time --
-- Please, get away from me.
I did it, Mr. Taransky. I licked skin. I licked hair. I licked every part of her.
You want me to call Security?
I have her, Mr. Taransky. The answer to your prayers. The answer to this.
I was misquoted.
It's me, Mr. Taransky. Don't you recognize me? -- The Future of Film conference in San Jose. Hank... Hank Aleno. I was keynote speaker. You must remember my speech... "Who Needs Humans?"
That's right. You were booed off the stage. That's got to be -- ?
-- Eight years ago. In that whole time, I never left my computer.
Good for you, Hank.
Good and bad. They think that's what caused this. Me eye tumor. Microwaves from the screen. It's the size of a grapefruit. Heavy too.
I'm sorry.
You have to see her.
I've seen them all before.
Not like this --
Come on, Hank. A synthespian, virtual actor -- ?
-- We call them "vactors".
I need flesh and --
-- Flesh is weak.
You already do. But my actor won't get old, fat, lazy or drunk -- won't throw tantrums, demand a body double, script changes or a bigger trailer. The Disney Corporation has been using artificial actors for years.
That's the point, Hank. No matter how good they are, they're still Mickey Mouse. Everyone's tried. Everyone's failed. It can't be done.
It can -- with my new computer code, you and me, we can do it together.
I don't know anything about computers.
That's why you're so perfect. You have something I don't have.
What's that?
An eye -- for performance. You know the truth when you see it. I know. I've seen your movies. I love your movies.
You do?
"Straw God" changed my life.
You saw that?
I've seen every frame of your work. You're the only filmmaker in Hollywood with the artistic integrity to realize my vision. You and me, art and science... we are the perfect marriage.
Listen, Hank, it's been a rough day. I'll call you about his next week.
I won't be here next week. The tumor's inoperable. I'll be dead.
Harry! Harry! Can we have a minute? What brings you here tonight?
I just came out to support my good friend, Simone.
There's a rumor that you're more than just "good friends"?
We've been seeing each other, sure, but we'd rather keep our relationship private.
Do I hear the sound of... wedding bells?
Hi, Dad.
I'm sorry Mom canned you.
It's really... not anything, Lainey. It's just --
Don't feel too bad. Mom runs the place and they still walk all over her. You're better off out of it.
I'm going to finish the picture, sweetheart. It's important.
Hi, Dad.
Your mother couldn't make it?
She's at the premiere of "A Cold Day In Hell". But I think she send someone from Acquisitions.
She still with Kent?
Not quite how I imagined it --
-- You finished the film on your own terms, that's what matters. Did you really do all the post yourself?
There was no other way.
I missed you. I wondered if you were ever coming back.
Me too.
Well, I can't wait to meet Simone... what's her last name?
You know, I... don't know.
Is she here tonight?
She's a miracle, Dad. Where did you find her?
I saw her picture on the, er... internet. You really didn't notice anything -- unusual?
Can't you stop that?
Why?
Those things can be dangerous. Staring at a screen all day -- you miss what's going on outside in the real world. You can lose yourself. You should get out more. How are you going to meet boys?
I know plenty of boys.
Really? Who? Where do you meet them? In a chat room? How do you know he's not some middle-aged freak?
Dad, I can spot a middle-aged freak a mile away.
Okay. But you have to find a way to escape that thing.
I do.
How?
I read.
You do? Still? I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that.
You were the one who insisted on it. Reading me Dostoyevsky and Joyce when I was four.
Okay, Dad.
If anyone asks about Simone --
-- I know, I don't know anything.
Exactly. Don't you wonder where I'm really hiding Simone?
One thing bothered me.
I know, Hal is as stiff as always.
So that accounts for the lack of a shadow in reel six?
Good-night, Daddy.
Hey, Lainey. How's your love life?
I do okay. How about you?
You know me -- married to my work.
Dad, you know I don't like to get between you and mom but she's feeling down right now. She broke up with Kent.
Really? Too bad.
She thinks you're with Simone.
Lainey, you know Simone and I don't have a real relationship.
I know but Mom doesn't. Maybe if it came from Simone, if Simone spoke to Mom -- she could straighten things out. Dinner, maybe.
Dinner? Dinner's difficult. A phone call?
Too impersonal. They have to meet face-to-face.
I'll see what I can do. You know, Lainey. I don't believe you've ever once asked to meet Simone. Don't you like her?
I love you, Lainey.
Why didn't she thank you?
Happy birthday, Lainey. Do you like it?
It's fantastic -- it's too much.
It's the car she drove in "Eternity Forever".
I know. Thank her for me.
-- I can't accept it. I don't want a car, Dad.
Why not? I can get you something else. What do you want?
The old Viktor Taransky. I liked you better before -- before all this. You were a loser, Dad, but at least you had integrity. I can't stand to see you like this -- clinging to Simone's coattails -- it used to be about the work, and now it's all about her. And then she's not even grateful enough to thank you.
No, that was me.
There you go again, blaming yourself. Can't you see what she's done to you -- she's taking advantage, mocking you. You deserve better than Simone. I've got to go, Dad.
About you and mom?
Me and Simone. What I did.
-- Plead guilty and throw yourself on the mercy of the court. It's the best deal you're going to get.
I could get the death penalty.
You certainly will if you go to trial -- a jury in this kind of ugly mood. You've killed an icon, for God's sake.
I didn't kill anyone, Bernard, there was no one to kill!
-- No! I can't go along with this horseshit! Just tell them they can fry me!
What?!
Do I know you?
Max Sayer -- National Echo.
Don't you have a real story to write? Why aren't you in Latin America?
This is the story.
I remember when the Echo had class -- the paper that could bring down governments.
Our leaders aren't presidents anymore -- they're pop stars and screen idols. If Woodward and Bernstein were alive today, they'd be right here in Hollywood with me.
So they're probably here. You might be able to sell this 'disappearing act' to the rest of the world, but I'm not buying it. What's really behind this Simone woman? The public has a right to know. Why is she staying out of sight? And why the hell is she with you? I don't want you to take this the wrong way, Viktor, but
She sounds like a prisoner, Taransky. Are you holding her hostage? Are you some kind of Svengali?
Who's the hostage, Sayer, her or you? You look kind of "captive" yourself. While you're spending every waking hour obsessing over Simone, guess what, I guarantee she doesn't even know you exist. Get off my property or I'll call the cops.
The cops? The cops read my column to know who to bust. We're the only watchdog the public has. None of this is going away. We'll be here tomorrow and the day after that. Until you slip up. And you will. You are looking at your shadow. Because all these elaborate precautions with Simone -- every instinct in my body tells me, it's not
I'm just trying to help you, Sayer. I don't want you to be disappointed. It gets cold out here at night.
Nice try. If we can't get to her through you, maybe your family will be more co-operative. I can guarantee you, Taransky, one way or another, Miss Simone and I are going to get acquainted.
Nice boat, Taransky.
It's a yacht.
I know what you're up to.
I don't have time for this, Sayer.
It's bogus. You used an old library shot for the background.
The background is.
I've done my homework. I've studied her.
-- I bet you have.
-- I've looked at every piece of publicity she's ever done, the video in the supermarket, there's no evidence she's ever left the studio. Oh, and for some reason this woman leaves no paper trail. But I have "obtained" a copy of your bank accounts. I know you have power of attorney but so far you haven't transferred one single solitary cent to her.
I'm keeping it in trust.
I know that's what you'd like us to believe. But I got to tell you -- embezzlement is a serious matter. Not to mention abduction.
Abduction?
What is it exactly you want, Sayer?
Alright, Sayer, you've got a deal.
What now, Sayer?
I traced her to a nursing home. A young woman fitting Simone's description dropped her off five years ago.
She looks a lot like you.
That doesn't prove a thing -- wait until I get a court order for a blood test.
That won't be necessary. Sooner or later I knew you'd crack this thing, Max. You got me.
I do? Sure I do. Can we speak off the record? I'm a fair man. I'm willing to sit down with her and tell her side of the story.
I wouldn't want you to compromise your ethics.
You love her, don't you, Max?
Don't you?
Is it a jamming device?
Maybe he's talking to himself.
Taransky isn't that good an actor. No, they're taking special precautions. Some kind of new encryption.
Why?
Whatever it is, it's dark.
Dark?
We've got our best people on it, Mr. Sayer.
24-hour tail on Taransky?
Shutter bugs camped outside any place he goes, every concierge and maitre d' on the take. But this Simone woman is good.
Well, we got some of Taransky's fingerprints, a lot of your fingerprints... but none of hers.
Of course -- no one's that perfect, that pure. You know I had something on Mother Teresa. But then she died and it wasn't worth it anymore. I know how to flush out this Simone -- a tell-all story from her childhood.
My God, you've got one?
Am I wasting my time with you? When she sues to protect her privacy, she'll have to appear in a public courtroom to do it.
Long live the First Amendment.
Mr. Sayer...
What do you want -- ?
Mr. Sayer, did we pay the million bucks yet?
-- Cashier's check went out to our anonymous tipster this morning -- worth every penny too. Who says there's no place for checkbook journalism? We'll be running stills of this for months, then release the whole tape -- we'll get our money back -- maybe show it on an exclusive pay-per-view event. Do you realize what we have here? We have the only independent
-- I've been here before! -- On my honeymoon with my ex-wife.
It's a hotel.
I don't understand.
-- Nicola! How was your massage?
You're in breach.
-- Is this about the new pages? -- I made the changes you wanted, you're in virtually every scene --
It's not the size of the role, Viktor. Am I or am I not contractually entitled to the biggest trailer on the set?
It's the biggest on earth! I swear! It's a 50-foot Airstream -- they don't make them any longer than that.
Taller, Viktor.
I beg you. You can't do this to me.
I had three other offers. I only signed on to this picture out of... loyalty.
Then show some. They'll shut me down!
A lot's happened since we last saw each other.
Yes.
Thank you. It's not important.
Would you like me to read?
You know you're really very good. I take back what I said. I mean, you're really good.
Thank you.
You could play the lead.
But that's Simone's part.
Yes, of course it is. You know you have a line here. Not a wrinkle. Actually, more of a dimple. I've been thinking of incorporating something like that in Simone.
You'd cosmetically alter Simone to look like me?
No one came in or went out just like you said, Mr. Taransky.
Good.
Is Miss Simone coming today?
She's already here. She arrived before you and she'll leave long after you've gone. Remember, under no circumstances are you or any other person to enter the set without my express permission.
What if it catches on fire?
Hi.
I'll do anything to please you, Mr. Taransky.
I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What did you say?
Simone, are you there?
Let's take it down a notch.
Good morning, Simone.
Good morning, Mr. Taransky.
A star is...
You mean they buy it?
Maybe he can.
Do you have any idea what this means, Simone? Our ability to manufacture fraud now exceeds our ability to detect it.
I am the death of real.
You are birth of... what? A Phenomenon. A miracle. A new era in show business. All I wanted to do was finish the film.
Is that better, Mr. Taransky?
You did create me.
No. I... just helped bring someone else's dream to life.
Mr. Taransky, we both know I was nothing without you. I was computer code -- ones and zeros.
See beyond that irrational allegiance to flesh and blood. -- See that with the rise in price of a real actor and the fall in price of a fake, the scales have tipped in favor of the fake. -- See that if the performance is genuine, it doesn't matter if the actor is real. Once a performance is committed to film, the blood and
Are you ever going to tell the truth about me, Mr. Taransky?
The only real truth is in the work.
You know what I'm talking about.
Speaking of which -- this is the project I'd like you to do next.
Not, "Eternity Forever"? The legendary unproduced script that was too good ever to get made? I'd kill for that part.
You're going to get in a lot of trouble, Mr. Taransky.
Mahogany. I'd say that cost at least a couple hundred. Maybe three.
Three? We should hock it. Buy a C.D. rack for the bedroom.
Do you know how important this is? This is big time. I'm going to read it for you, doctor.
Wow. They called you their son.
--My God.
Are you calling me?
Why, Malcolm?
Why did you leave me?
I just needed to do a couple of things. And I needed to tell you something.
Goodnight, Malcolm.
On my way to the flea market in Amish country. Thought maybe you want to come. Show me how to buy at these things.
That's very sweet. I'm okay.
You know that's probably not the best idea. I'll just wait to see them in the store.
Okay. Fine. Understood. I'm off then.
Don't step in the horse manure.
Your eye frames. They don't seem to have any lenses in them.
They're my dad's. The lenses hurt my eyes.
What was that you were saying before with your soldiers? Day pro fun.
All your soldiers speak Latin?
What were they hiding from?
Oh, lots of things, I suppose. Bad people for one. People who wanted to imprison them. Hurt them.
I forgot your name.
Dr. Crowe.
You're a doctor. What kind?
I got an award once. From the Mayor.
Congratulations.
Thank you. It was a long time ago. I've kind of been retired for a while. You're my very first client back.
You use needles?
No.
Not even little ones that aren't supposed to hurt?
No.
I'm going to see you again, right?
And Cole, next time I won't be late for you.
We were supposed to draw a picture. Anything we wanted... I drew a man. He got hurt in the neck by another man with a screwdriver.
Everybody got upset. They had a meeting. Momma started crying. I don't draw like that anymore.
How do you draw now?
I draw people with smiles, dogs running, and rainbows. They don't have meetings about rainbows.
You want to ask me a question?
Private Kinney's wife is really sick -- she has something called a brain anism.
You mean aneurysm.
Where should I look then, Cole?
I walk this way to school with Tommy Tammisimo.
He hates me.
You ever tell her about how it is with Tommy?
I don't tell her a thing.
Why?
Cause she doesn't look at me like everybody and I don't want her to. I don't want her to know.
Know what?
You said the "s" word.
Mr. Marschal gets real lonely.
What about Mrs. Marschal?
...So your dad lives in Pittsburgh with a lady who works in a toll booth.
What if she has to pee when she's working? You think she just holds it?
What'd you write?
Words.
What kind of words?
Think about what you want from our time together. What our goal should be?
Something I want?
That isn't magic.
What?
You just kept the penny in that hand the whole time...
I didn't know you were funny.
Your father ever tell you bedtime stories?
Once upon a time there was a prince, who was being driven around... He drove around for a long, long time... Driving and driving... It was a long trip... He fell asleep... When he woke up, they were still driving... The long drive went on--
Dr. Crowe.
Yes.
You haven't told bedtime stories before?
No.
You have to add some twists and stuff. Maybe they run out of gas.
What makes you think that?
I don't know how the story ends. I hope it's a happy ending.
Dead people, like in graves and coffins?
No, walking around, like regular people... They can't see each other. Some of them don't know they're dead.
How often do you see them?
...No.
Did you think the play sucked big time?
What?
Tommy Tammisimo acted in a cough syrup commercial. He thought everybody was self-conscious and unrealistic. He said the play sucked big time.
I know every child is special in their own way, but Tommy sounds like a punk. I thought the play was excellent. Better than Cats.
Cats?
Yes?
When they get mad, it gets cold.
Can I ask you then?
Yes.
What do you want more than anything?
I don't know.
I told you what I want.
I don't know, Cole.
I have to.
When?
I'm going to transfer you. I know two psychologists that are exceptional--
--What?
Don't cry.
It means I wasn't what everyone thought I was... I was a fake.
You weren't a paper champion.
Dr. Crowe?
Yes.
Something happened, didn't it?
Yes, it did.
Are you wigging out?
Yes, I am.
We're not gonna start crying again, are we?
No, we're not.
You really look better.
Maybe they wake up that morning thinking they have a thousand things to do and a thousand days left to do them in... And then all of a sudden, it's all taken away. No one asked them. It's just gone...
You have nice red in your cheeks now.
It's Spanish. It means... 'I don't want to die.' Not all the ghosts are scary, are they? Like Mrs. Marschal?
No.
Just help.
Yes! I think that's right!... I think they all want that. Even the scary ones...
I believe both of you now. And I think I might know how to make them go away.
What if they don't want help? What if they're just angry and they want to hurt somebody?
She came a long way to visit me, didn't she?
I wish I were somewhere else.
Don't go home, okay?
I think we said everything we needed to say. Maybe it's time to say things to someone else? Someone close to you?
You were great in the play, Cole.
Really?
And you know what else?
What?
They're right here.
What are you thinking, Momma?
Lots of things.
It was Grandma's. It's not for playing. What if it broke? You know how sad I'd be.
You'd cry. Cause you miss grandma so much.
That's right. So why do you take it, sweetheart?
Sometimes people think they lose things and they didn't really lose them. It just gets moved.
You didn't take it before. You didn't take it the time after that. And now, you didn't take it again?
Don't get mad.
There's only two of us. Maybe someone came in our house -- took the bumble bee pendant out of my closet, and then laid it nicely in your drawer? Is that what happened?
I'd give anything to have been there.
Communicate?
You know that accident up there?
Yeah.
Someone got hurt.
They did?
A lady. She died.
You can see her?
Where is she?
Cole, you're scaring me.
They scare me too sometimes.
They?
Dead people.
Dead people?
You see ghosts, Cole?
They want me to do things for them.
What are you thinking, Momma?
...I don't know.
I would never think that about you... ever... Got it?
She says she's sorry for taking the bumble bee pendant. She just likes it a lot.
What?
Cole, that's very wrong. Grandma's gone. You know that.
She wanted me to tell you--
Cole, please stop.
Yes, Cole?
That's not correct. Where'd you hear that?
Cole, this was a legal courthouse. Laws were passed here. Some of the first laws of this country. This building was full of lawyers. Lawmakers.
I don't like people looking at me like that.
Like what?
I don't know how else to look--
Excuse me?
What--
How did you--?
Stuttering Stanley! Stuttering Stanley!
Stuttering Stanley!
S-ssstop that!
Stuttering Stanley! Stuttering Stanley!
S-ssssstop it!
Stuttering--
...He doesn't get invited places.
It's our pleasure.
The last time was a Chuck E. Cheese party a year ago. He hid in one of those purple plastic tunnels and didn't come out.
Chuck E. who?
I work at an insurance place and at Penny's, so Cole can go to that good school.
Good for you.
Your pa's waiting for you up at the house.
'Course, some folks say 'ol Jethro shouldn't have been buried up here... with the rest of the Macdonalds.
Meaning?
Maybe you don't want to remember.
What are you talking about?
'Course, it's none of my business.
You ever hear of... the harvest of blood?
Superstition.
Your grandfather sure believed in it. Worked pretty good... too.
Chicken blood on the crops.
I'd watch your step if I were you, son.
Oh yeah? Why's that?
Just talked to Orwell down at the garage. Says getting a new alternator for your bus is no problem.
Alright!
Could take a little while, though.
What's a "little while?"
Yo. "Billy Bob". Was I two beats behind, or what?
Nope.
See?
You were a beat and a quarter behind.
Fuck you! If you're such an expert on music, why don't you go get your dueling banjo and sit in on the next song?
Okay, Farm Boy. Joke's over. You've been playin' me from jump street. Where's my Nikes?
Listen to me, you banjo-dueling, country ass hayseed... I want my Nikes and I want them now!
Get off his case sweetie.
Where'd you come from? Groupies R Us?
Fuck you.
Bitch.
Slut.
Witch.
Hey! Don't use all the hot water!
Keep your shirt on! I'm almost done!
Bitch.
Let me guess. We're going on a "long trip".
Rod... I have to get back to my job.
Someone actually... employs you?
I happen to be a professional.
Hi.
...Hi.
You have a strong unfufilled desire.
Yeah. To get the hell off this farm.
No. This is something spiritual. An ambition.
Aha. The Lovers.
Suzie???
Looks like the alternator.
Yeah. It's the alternator all right.
How would you know? You're looking at my tits. Jesus, Carl. Your job is to keep us on the road!
Hey, isn't that the preacher?
Dammit, Carl!!!!
There's something weird going on here, Suzie.
No shit.
I'm serious. Get this. I had a careful look at that alternator. It's clearly been messed with... it's not wear and tear that caused that breakdown...
You're saying someone's trying to keep us on the farm...?
Come on --
Carl, what are you doing?
AAAAAAAAAAAA --
Gene.
Missed you at church this morning, Jeremiah.
You're not going to arrest me for it, are you?
Hell, no. But you missed a damn good sermon. "You can't hide a wicked heart from the eyes of the Lord."
Sounds familiar.
Thought your boy and his band were only staying the night.
You know, one day I'm going to have to shut down that still of yours, Jeremiah.
Motherfucking soundman! I couldn't hear myself sing!
I could. You sucked.
Hey. Fuck you.
Okay. My main man. Marvin Gaye.
Wait a second. Did you say "patricide?"
Yeah. Marvin's old man gunned him down.
That's not patricide. Patricide is when you gun down your old man.
All right. "Fratricide". Minor technical detail.
Wrong. Fratricide is when you gun down your brother. You're out. My turn.
Fine. Be that way. Jim Morrison.
Nike specials. Two hundred bucks.
"Peggy-Sue" --
Damn! These are one hundred dollar Nikes!
Curt Cobain.
Well, there goes our record deal.
You're out of your mind, man.
I am not! I'm telling you, it's worth its weight in gold.
The ancient Aztecs knew how powerful this stuff was.
Are you crazy?
Hmmm. This shit isn't bad.
So... what does it do?
Should we be doing this, dude?
"Old Macdonald... had --"
"With a hack-hack here --"
"And a slash-slash there --"
He means moon shining.
Harvest moonshining!
Yeah, man. You were wrong, Suze. My solo definitely works better in the second verse.
Carl! Oh Carrrrl!
We've got to call someone -- get the sheriff--
What are you going to do? Shoot me?
Depends. You got some nerve intruding on a man's grief. I bet I could pull this trigger right now and call it justifiable homicide. Now: who are you?
I'm your son. And Laureen's son.
Ain't nobody mentioned that name on this farm for 14 years. My boy was taken from me... far as I'm concerned, he's dead. Now, I ain't gonna ask you again. -- Who are you?!
Joseph Macdonald... Your son.
I came back for the funeral. That's all.
I'll be gone again tomorrow.
How... was she "called?"
Pardon?
That old barn. After the fire... I rebuilt it nail by nail. Just the way your granddaddy would've wanted it.
This is his room... isn't it?
Was. You ain't afraid of ghosts, now are you?
You got it wrong, boy. I'm not the monster you think.
Maybe you should tell that to the old lady you tried to hit with the shovel.
I wouldn't pay Jesse no mind at all. She's just a crazy old woman. Hasn't been right in the head since her husband passed away. Wasn't much right before that, neither.
Old slave superstition. You sprinkle a little blood mixed with water on the crops, you get yourself a good harvest... So they say.
You'll be back.
You like it? Irrigation system. Your grandaddy built it himself. Saved the land from dying.
That's a good idea. Maybe we should have a little "talk" about grandaddy Jethro.
Sure. What do you want to know.
People say he was a murderer.
Then who?! Because someone wants another blood harvest. With human blood, Jeremiah! Just like Jethro! Who did he kill back then, Jeremiah? Farmhands? Transients? People no one would miss? "Crazy Old Macdonald!" But now... it's starting again, isn't it? Someone's picking up where Jethro left off!
-- It's not me!
It's time to make amends.
Amends...?
Think boy. That night. The night of the fire. At the barn. You were only six years old.
Throw me one.
-- And keep your eyes on the road.
I'm admiring your costume. What "movie" are you going as again?
Never heard of it.
I'm not surprised. It's got a body count of zero. And no one goes around in a stupid mask, hacking innocent people to death.
Is that all you ever think of? Suppose I was really hurt!
Dammit, Karen -- I was just... looking for your pulse.
Ow!
What's wrong?
Hey -- Macdonald's farm!
Jesus. What a bunch of useless zombies.
Who? Us?!
Hey. Could you be a little more insensitive? We're on our way to a funeral for Crissake.
You know what they say about men who need big guns...
Hey. Some Klu Klux Klan homeboy gets in my face, he gonna have a few extra holes in his bedsheet.
Down boy.
Yeah. Maybe I can pick a little cotton for da masta.
You got something against farm people, Keith?
It's a farm, Keith. You're not supposed to shoot the rooster.
He started it.
You seen Mac? His bed hasn't been slept in.
Hallelujah! ...Civilization... here I come!
What the fuck you talking about, man?
Asphyxiation. Choked to death on a ham sandwich. Next.
Buzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry, wrong answer!
Chicken sandwich?
Bzzzzzzzzzt!
You wanna know the difference? The difference is that you're screwing up the song.
Shit!
Relax. He liked what he saw. Well, some of it. Enough to give us a showcase audition. One week from today.
Yes!
Try taking a left after the next cow pasture.
Yeah. That's just the problem.
You guys figure it out. I'm taking a break.
How does it feel, Keith?
Fuck you! Fuck all of you! I'm done kickin' it with cows and roosters. -- And drinking moonshine with Johnny Cash! Senior AND Junior!
Is that right?
Time for a little... "feedback" guys. That guy from Hectic Records --
Yeah?
You never told us you grew up on a farm.
My father and I don't exactly see eye to eye.
About what?
Name something.
Then why go back now?
What about Jeremiah?
What's wrong?
This... used to be Jethro's room. The attic.
So?
I'm talking to the spirit of Jethro Macdonald. Is it okay to have sex in your old attic with your grandson? We'll be careful of the bed --
Let it go.
Think of it... as a threesome. You. Me. And... "Jethro."
We're almost ready. What the hell are you doing out here?
How'd you get that? Playing with your pitchfork?
Picked up one of those shears. Blade's razor sharp. -- Where is everyone?
Getting ready.
Look. You want to talk about this?
Strange... I can feel my old self coming back...
You wouldn't understand.
Suzie --
Billy Bob's dead. -- We were wrong -- he didn't do anything. I-It's the scarecrow --
Wait a minute --
I... saw him -- he tried to kill me -- he's, he's -- still -- out there --
What are --
HE'S STILL OUT THERE!!!
You're... limping.
Suzie... No.
It's you. You and your father.
No --
You brought us here. And that morning I found you in the barn. You had scratches on your face --
Listen to me --
You sabotaged the bus! You kept us here... To die! First Keith, then Carl --
No Mac, please... I --
Mac... let's get out of here.
Get out of here.
The trap door. That's how he escaped the fire...
...no... Mac... p-please...
I almost thought for a second...
Yeah. Great work, Rod. But next time, it would be nice... if you could JOIN US FOR THE ENTIRE SET!
Hey. Anyone here need lessons, just talk to me.
What is it?!!
She's a Tarot Card Reader at a shopping mall.
Hold it, hold it. Aren't you forgetting something, Rod?
Like what?
Like your guitar break.
It's coming right up. After the third verse.
Second verse!
-- Where have you two been?
Where's Mac?
Carl.
CARL??? Carl did this?!!
Someone better tell Mac.
It gets worse. He's cut all the phone lines.
Bill, you're Chief of police now.
Comes with some Goddamn responsibility, like keeping your people in line.
Shit.
Bill, we need to talk!
Bill, this Brenda's Randy Flagg's niece. We need to find Grant yesterday! The town council has lit a Roman candle and stuck it up my ass!
Hell, Jack, your leisure activities ain't my business.
How are you going to find him?
That young lady heard you say 'squid.' She's gonna go out and create a Goddamn hysteria!
What?
Touch some deer feces out in the forest. Eat a sandwich without washing your hands. Then you got lyme disease.
And that makes you look like a squid?
Don't worry. The lurker ain't around. I checked.
That's not funny.
Sorry.
Whatcha' doin'?
What you up to?
Pretty, ain't they?
I don't know. I've seen them so many times before. I guess any spot gets boring after awhile.
There's a place over there on the bluffs. When the fog is just right, like tonight, the lights of Main look like a kaleidoscope.
Oh, yeah?
Mm hm. But only a few folks know how to get there. Wally. Rollo Linkski coulda taken you, but 'course he got hit by that train. Me.
Grant, where'd you go?
Maybe she's ever called the house, or -- ?
No. What ?
How about Brenda?
Bill, I heard what you're doing. I think I should go along.
Wait! Dammit, Bill, if that girl's still out there, how will you find her? How, unless you bring Grant in alive? Your best chance of doing that is with me. I can talk to him --
He tried to kill you, Starla.
Please, Bill. What happened, it's my fault, I know it.
Starla, it ain't --
No reception out here.
Was always curious why you... married Grant in the first place... Just never seemed outta love.
Grant used to get filled up every day. I knew it was just to see me. He was too old -- But he was handsome. And he had that big ol' Lincoln then. I flirted with him.
My father, he was -- he was real close to evil. People didn't know. Still don't. From the time I was a toddler he'd beat the hell out of me. I don't mean just like a smack for smart--mouthing... he took a real enjoyment in it. And when I turned eleven or twelve, things... well, they got worse. Starla looks at Bill, who seems
When you wanted to run away, I called your dad.
That wasn't a good night, no.
After all this shit tonight, I know for sure now you regret not running off with me to Hollywood!
What are you doing?!
We can't make it. Just get away, when you get the chance.
What?
He wants me, Bill! I'm going to get him to take me to him! See if you can follow me, and kill him!
We can probably get some first aid and food at this gas station up here.
I'll get it for you. Ibuprofen or aspirin?
We'll just head up here into Bishopville, get checked up in the hospital. Then maybe we'll head off to Hollywood after all, huh?
Please, Starla. I'm gonna do my best not to hurt anybody --
You took Bill.
It's my nature.
What's she see in that douchebag?
He's gotta be in the forest. All three ranches run alongside it.
And then we get here, the Castavets', where last night's shit--storm took place.
Where are you?!
He's a fucking Martian?!
When I buy my zoo, I'm leaving them things the hell out!
What the hell are we going to do?!
Surprised you're able to lift a mug after carrying that torch for so long.
What?
Some kids found her necklace near Tipper Creek, as well as what might be her blood on a rock.
Rorschach.
Looks like a chipmunk.
I think we best get you to a hospital right quick.
You dig that rat out of the hole?
Listen, you got any reports of... I don't know what you call 'em. They look like big slugs, only fast.
Slugs? No. 'Less you talkin' about that new waitress down at Sloan's! Ha ha!
Shelby --
Oh, shit! I hope she ain't a police radio aficionado. If so, I apolog
Are you nodding?
Yeah.
I can't hear when you're nodding.
Sorry.
Shelby, we broke down on 22, a mile outside town. Come pick us up.
I got to leave my post.
Hey there, Chief.
Shelby! We need people out here at Cosgrove and McCammon right away!
Megan Halesy' little sister.
My sister Megan, she's a big fat cow. Was then, even more so now. I'd be thinking, what'd you see in her ain't in me?
Shit, girl, you couldn't'a been eleven.
Who's the lucky fella?
Fuck lucky. Never marry a damn half--Mexican.
Already ain't. Married a gal named --
You're lookin' awful pretty.
Where's the old half--Mexican?
Guess it's hard to explain how amazin' a human brain is to someone who that's all they know.
What?
Grant? Grant, I'm hungry. I'm so fuckin' hungry I think I'm gonna die.
Meat.
Sure thing, killer.
What can I do you for?
Thinkin' 'bout getting me a couple of these big ol' rib eyes.
Hell, what am I holding back for? Why don't you just give me everything you got here?
All the rib eyes?
He's teaching environmental science, Grant. Probably wants to borrow my lesson plans from last semester.
Oh yeah, that's what he wants to borrow, this guy.
It's just a work thing.
Grant, no -- I'm sorry, I'm just -- I'm not in the mood. Grant is on top of her, breathing a little too heavy. GRANT Come on, baby, it's --
I'm sorry. I don't just have some switch.
Flip.
Where are you going?
I'm just some big clown to you, ain't I?
That's not true -- Where are you--?
I never danced in a towel before.
Welcome home.
Yeahhhh. I'm sorry. I just got so excited about... your present.
My present?
You're my princess, aren't you?
Okay.
What are you doing?
Who's that?
Grant. Oh my God. What happened to your -- ?
I'll get if for you.
Why'd you betray me, sugarplum?!
Grant, no!
I loved you. I loved --
But not always. I was -- He was... other stuff too.
Now he's here. He went in Mr. Grant.
He took him over. His body. His -- his brain, everything what he knew. He's only been dumb stuff before amoeba--things, and rhino--things. He liked being human. Didn't want to change.
And you said the worms are part of him. They're all linked, like one creature?
When one sees you they all see you.
Ain't no mystery to it. She's raised in them shanties off St. Luc. Dirt--poor.
So he drags the cow backwards here. Only he prolly didn't know 'bout the Castavets had them dogs.
Where'd he go?
Praise Jesus.
Maybe you better sit back down. You don't look so good.
Just the man who's gonna see you driven to your knees! Sheriff Buell Clayton from Texas.
Not that I don't have any respect for the law, but what's your problem, man?
You.
Yeah, well I kinda figured that.
You know, you may think you're gonna get away, but I promise you, everytime you turn around, I'll be there, breathing down your neck.
Get your hands off my daughter!
Aw, ain't you glad to see me, Bandit?
What's he get if he wins here?
I can't believe there's two thousand people here to watch a bunch of guys back up their trucks.
America's bored. Now, what do you want?
You're crazy, man. Smart dresser, but crazy.
What's the matter? Legend has it Bandit LaRue's king of the road.
I hear a few weeks ago you smuggled sixteen Beaners up to West Virginia.
Look, you make this little run for me, I'll buy you a new rig.
Last year, this was a new rig.
I got a boy running in the Peach Tree Classic tomorrow and when he wins, I wanna celebrate in style.
How much style?
Four hundred cases worth. Well?
You got my barley pop?
Okay. I was in Texas dancing in an industrial show for Sunkist Oranges. They say I'm the new Anita Bryant. But I'm really a dancer from New York. A lot of credits. Moderate talent. Anyway, after opening night, I was walking back to the motor lodge and suddenly there he was. A tall Texan with a twenty-nine inch waist. Pure dynamite.
All sound reasons for matrimony.
Look, I'm a twenty-eight year old hoofer who spends most of her time with fags. Besides, I'm impulsive. It runs in the family. We're all crazy. Mind if I smoke? Anyway, today was the 'bid day.' But as I was walking down the aisle, I realized this is total insanity. What am I going to do in Texas the rest of my life? I
Kate McConnell.
Why're you driving so fast?
I gotta get back to Atlanta in thirteen hours.
Why? You have a bowling date?
Cute. No, 'cause no one's ever made it from Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty-eight hours.
Who'd want to?
I never looked at it that way. You ask a lot of questions.
Why are you doing this obviously macho feat?
For a new Kenworth. That's a truck.
A truck? You're doing this for a truck? That's insanity.
It's not a truck. It's the Rolls Royce of eighteen-wheelers.
But you could get killed, right?
Hey, you could get killed crossing the street.
An existentialist.
A what?
So tell me about yourself.
Well?...
Whaddya want to know? My sign?
No. I want to know what you think about besides ditching Smokey?
Having fun.
Is this fun?
Driving?
Driving, talking to me...
They're both a challenge.
You have a great profile.
Where you from?
Mattoon, Illinois. But I moved down south to work in the Civil Rights movement.
Seriously?!?
Guess what?
I give up.
What the hell's going on?
Anything?
Can I ask you something?
Shoot.
You know, you're not a bad driver.
That's a Texas cop. What the hell's he doing in Arkansas?
I don't know. Maybe Jerry Jeff sent the heat after us.
You know, my mother was a dancer, too. Her big shot was the touring company of 'Brigadoon.' She's been married three times. To a redneck, a poet and her tennis instructor. See, I motor-mouth when I get nervous. I was nervous when I first got into the car. Now I'm scared shitless.
Well?
Your honeymoon would've never been this exciting.
Christ, what channel are we on?...
The bus'll pick you up over there. Uh... you got enough bread for a ticket?
Enough to get to Jersey. I'll walk the rest of the way. I've been sitting a long time. Nice meeting you. It's been a trip.
Hey...
Jesus!!!
See ya, Kate.
What the hell are you doing?!?
You know this guy, don't you?
I've never seen him before in my life. I'm just trying to help you out.
By stealing my car?
I would've come back for you.
Yeah.
Look, the truth is, I didn't want to be dumped at the truck stop. I wanted to go on with you. I needed an excuse.
You could've asked.
Where did you learn how to drive like this?
Mississippi's the other way!
-- You know, I used to be a high fashion model. Tried it for six months and almost freaked. Makeup, silly clothes, a little man saying 'darling' every two seconds...
Yeah, it's tough when your cheek- bones are your main asset.
Let's hit it.
You plan on driving trucks all your life?
-- Trucking ain't the easiest life in the world. I mean, you can't make it much past fifty and you sure as shit don't get a gold watch when you hang it all up. But I like keeping on the move. You know?
Do I know? I'm an authority on it.
I guess if there's one lesson I've learned, it's that even misery has a tough time hitting a moving target. I forgot your question?
You plan on driving trucks all your life?
I... uh... I don't know. I guess don't like to think about it.
An unmarked police car.
How do you know?
I'm sure the Arkansas Bears put out an all-points.
I'm proud of you.
Yeah?
Kate...
Ummm?
I been thinking. Maybe I should drop you in Montgomery. I mean, the way things are going, it might get pretty hairy by the time we get to Atlanta.
-- Actually, my heaviest relationship was with a rock singer named Ramblin' Bobby Holt. When I turned twenty- one, I went to Europe with visions of being free and independent. My luck, he was on the plane. I landed in Paris and fell in love before I could claim my baggage. We were together for almost a year. I thought he was it.
And?
My very words.
They should arrest people for obeying the speed limit.
-- It's hard to believe this schmuck Kyle would go to such lengths for Coors beer.
It's not the beer. He just wants to see me fail.
What kind of a guy is he?
What are you gonna do when you get home?
Why are you stopping?
One to five?
Well, at least it hasn't been boring.
Well, thanks for the lift.
What can I say?
He's just exhausted.
I should've told you, but you would've thrown me out, right?
Absolutely.
What are you thinking?
See ya, Bandit.
Why should I?
I'm working, Bandit. Besides, what's the matter? Won't your new girl friend help you?
What do you want me to do, Hot Pants? Beg?
Yes.
I'm begging.
I want you to know I'm doing this against my better instincts.
But you'll do it?
I'll do it.
I owe you a big one, Hot Pants.
What's your pleasure?
Couple of cheeseburgers, no condiments...
No what?
Order up!
Sure I can't interest you in anything else?
Cledus.
No.
Whadda we have to do -- kidnap the Pope?
Twenty-eight hours! You're outta your gord.
Is that any way to talk to your ole partner? Look, it's only nine hundred miles each way.
That means we gotta average ninety- four miles per. Forget it.
No one's ever done it before. This'll put us on the map.
Or in the slammer.
Did I tell you they're gonna give us a brand new Kenworth?
Believe me, man; Fred'll be no problem.
You know of course, we ain't ever gonna make it.
Quit being so negative, guy; 'course we're gonna make it. We ain't never not made it, have we?
No.
See.
Our asses gonna be in a sling if we get caught.
How long's this gonna take?
I don't know, man. Ask him?
We gotta let the slack out, Cledus; this is costing us time.
If you ask me, I think we should make that run to Choo Choo Town and pick up that load of lumber. Nice. Easy. And within the law.
Also boring.
What are you doin' now?
All right, here's our plan of communication, so as to avoid Smokey.
Go.
Now, if I say go to channel three, it really means go to six.
Six. Got it.
If I say go to twenty-one, go to nineteen.
Twenty-one is nineteen.
If I say go to two, it's really one.
You're wall to wall and tree top tall.
I'm gonna run a couple miles ahead of you. Keep both feet on the floor. We'll be moving ninety and over.
Bandit?
Yeah?
Why are we doing this?
Loud and clear.
He's history.
Shit! No one's here.
That's 'cause we're damn near an hour ahead of schedule.
Liquid gold.
You know how to drive one of these things?
Hit the brakes!
Let's get the hell outta here.
Shouldn't we pay 'em for the damages?
We still on schedule?
I hate to say I told you so.
Save it. We got a long haul.
Bandit I, do you copy?
You can't swear on these.
What's going on, Bandit? Come on.
This is Bandit II. Now, where the hell are you?
On two lane blacktop. Mile marker six-one. How we doin' on time?
Thirty-eight minutes ahead of schedule.
What's your twenty?
I'm 'bout four miles ahead of you, turkey.
What's a Texas Smokey doing in Arkansas, man?
I hope that's you, buddy; 'cause I'd hate to start believing in ghosts.
What does the old Timex say?
She's losing minutes so you better start running interference or we're never gonna make it. Might I remind you this was your brainstorm.
Bandit?
Yeah, guy?
My vocal cords are fine, but Fred's ain't. He's been barking, eating the seats and driving me crackers. Hear that? Where's his chow?
On its way. Give me a coupla minutes, okay?
Do I have a choice?
What's your twenty?
I'm still trying to ditch this Texas Smokey. I don't know what the sucker wants.
What they all want -- to handcuff a hero.
As far as John Law knows, I'm just a joy ridin' Georgia redneck. We keep 'em outta your backyard, we're cool. Now just give me five to ditch this idiot and I'll meet you in Ole Miss.
-- Gimme a twenty, pardner.
I'm at marker eight-five.
I thought you were dumping the chick at the truck stop.
I ran into complications.
I hate to say it...
Then don't.
-- But everytime we've ever messed up, it's because your rhyme's over- ruling your reason. I know you think you're God's gift to waitresses, but...
Just don't worry about it. How we doin' timewise?
Not good enough to be standing here shooting the bull.
We're gone.
Never mind. It's nothing.
Anything else you don't want me to know?
Bandit two, I gotta make a quick pit stop.
Now what?
We're outta motion lotion.
-- Looks like a clear shot to the 'Bama State Line.
I'm all ears, good buddy.
You're gonna hit some heavy precipitation in about six minutes. Better let your flaps down, these roads are killers when they're damp.
It shouldn't last. Gives me time to take a go-go juice break.
Ran into a little hassle at the eatum- up-stop.
You okay?
Just fine. What's the weather like?
God's back on our side, so let's get smokin'.
-- How we doing?
Talk to me.
We're gonna have to do a little tightrope act.
I'm all ears.
Bandit II?
I'm here.
You're coming up to the scale house.
Bandit I, let me offer my heartiest congratulations and a piece of advice.
What's that, pardner?
How's the clock, Bandit II.
Are you loco, pardner!?! We've come this far.
Yeah, but...
When we agree to do a job, we do it. Right?
But they're waiting for me. They don't even know Cledus Snow exists.
Breaker. Breaker.
Go breaker.
Bandit, I just thought I'd lay a Smokey report on you.
Go head on, breaker.
I would say your future's looking dim, boss.
What's your twenty and what's your handle?
My handle's Silver Tongued Devil and I'm here to tell you, your fellow CB'ers are mighty proud of y'all.
Breaker. Breaker.
Pick it up, Breaker.
Thanks for the break. Bandit, this here's the Dixie Chicken.
Breaker, Breaker. This is Bandit I, coming up on a portable gas station. Do you copy?
Bandit, this is Mister B, and I'm gearjamming this rolling refinery. You got another Smokey on the rubber?
It ain't ever been done before, hot shit.
I think you're just yellow.
Pop, a K-Whopper's worth seventy thou.
Seventy-two five. Why do you want this barley pop so bad?
Have any trouble getting here?
Gimme three sloppy joes and a coupla cups of hot stuff.
You pass that funky Cobra on the highway?
Uh-uh. What Cobra?
Some boy named Bandit's been givin' the Highway Patrol shit fits.
Oh, yeah. Good for him.
Listen, pardner; this ain't no time to be getting laid.
This is Bandit I. Over.
Where the hell are you?
Shut up, Fred.
Bandit II. We'll be back on the highway in a second. Over.
Yeah, Bandit II, Que pasa?
That's a Texas bubble gum machine on your back porch.
I'm Kate. You must be Cledus.
Yes, ma'am.
Bandit two, you read me?
Is that Bandit in the lead?
If that sumbitch was in the race, he'd be in the winner's circle by now.
I still think this whole idea is dumb, pop.
Why don't we just rent a Lear jet and haul it back ourselves?
But if it can't be done, how's he gonna do it?
That's the point, Dickey.
Oh.
Now, you just find him, son.
Five thou.
That crazy sumbitch made it.
-- Breaker, this is Banana Peel...
-- Yeah, Breaker go head on.
-- Thanks much. I'd like to get me a Smokey report?
-- Road looks clean as a hound's tooth.
-- Breaker, Breaker. This is Banana Peel.
-- Yeah, Banana Peel, go head on.
-- Did ya hear they nailed the Bandit?
It's gotta be tough keeping an eye on everything.
So, Bill, if I understand this right, you currently have your penthouse floor under construction?
That's correct.
But with these down, doesn't that pose a major security concern if, as you say, you have to keep an eye on everything at all times?
Well, we were worried about dust and debris from the work being done ruining the cameras, so--
Yes, but no -- we have personnel stationed at both ends of that hall, twenty-four hours a day.
Right now? A six man security force, plus a member of our Butler staff. So seven men total.
Uh -- well, yes, uh just in terms of the men up there now, my team, he's serving lunch and dinner and just doing general upkeep so --
C'mon Bill... you've got some Sultan up there, one of your whales, big- spender, likes a lot of space, you cook up this "construction" thing...?
No, no, no. We've been looking to renovate that area of our hotel for some time now. The security team is only present to preserve floor integrity, due to the roof access.
Is your security team armed?
Of course. Yes.
Anything on the Swede?
Only the mention made in that phone call. There's no Swedish hitman of any renown, much less one with a million dollar day rate.
Maybe he's that good. Never been caught, no criminal record.
I tell you, engineering this kind of play against Sparazza, going to the lengths these guys are going to... they're playing some long odds.
And a very bad gamble.
Spotter on the lake confirmed Israel. Penthouse level. There was apparently a fisticuffs with some prostitutes. He wasn't involved. He's also had his people phone a local madame for another group of girls.
Unreal, this guys jacket too. Wall- to-wall major felony offenses, murder, extortion, arson, grand larceny -- -- A paternity suit... I just feel like we're playing catch-up with all this and we shouldn't be.
Welcome to the new Bureau. Nobody shares information anymore, it's become synonymous with job security.
But the Bureau knew Sparazza killed Heller. Why not go after him, guns blazing' for that one?
Heller was buried in agency lore, anytime an operative failed or was perceived to have failed, Hoover blackballed their memory. Look at Ness.
So he has no idea what's about to happen?
No. And I want to be in that room a half second after Mecklen calls to say the deal's done. We've got a sheriff's task force on stand-by.
What about the hotel staff obstructing us. Israel's obviously paid off the management.
He's giving them up?
All of 'em. His entire entourage. I think we should move.
Did the Justice lawyers sign off?
What about the sheriff's task force?
Deputy, have you made any ID's?
Maroon uniforms?
Yeah. Have you been able to get through to the Nomad's security?
How bad?
Mortal.
No.
Yeah, ye-- I -- uh, there were, earlier, there was that guy Carrut--
-- Agent Carruthers. Do you know where is he now?
He uh -- he asked about -- I'm -- he wanted to know whic-- what floor security was on, then I saw him get on the elevator with the other agent.
Did he give you his name?
Yeah, uh -- it was Spanish-somethin' Garcia, or Diego, uh --
-- run both those names through the D.C. database. Call San Francisco, see if they've got anybody in the field doing collateral inquiries for --
Who?
This man wearing the jacket identified himself as an Federal agent?
Uh, yeah.
You're sure?
Yeah, he had the badge and everything. It said "FBI" on it.
And when you saw him later, he was wearing one of your security jackets --
Yeah.
You investigating those murders out at the lake?
Ww... uh...
Yeah, shit -- hell, you're right. I'm sorry.
You shot me and murdered my friends.
I did. We -- yeah, I know.
And threw us into the lake.
And this is your car, isn't it?
Mmm-hmm.
But there were more of you?
Yeah, m'brothers... They didn't make it.
Two of 'em?
Thass' right. I got other brother's though, so it ain't so bad.
...I forgive you Darwin.
Shoot, I appreciate that man.
If I needed your I.D. and your car and me and my brothers were wanted by the law, I woulda killed you to get 'em too.
You woulda?
Oh hell yeah. We's just in the wrong place at the wrong time. So don't feel so bad dude.
Damn... alright then.
Really?
Man, that's great.
I got it made in the shade Amigo. Hey, I'll see you up here some day, don't worry.
Are you on a land line?
I've got concerns.
...About what?
About cocaine... and the amount you're doing.
I'm not doing cocaine.
-- Forget about the tissue damage you're doing to the heart itself. Sustained cocaine abuse will segue you from a very painful ventricular fibrillation into full cardiac arrest. Buddy, nobody knows about your condition, or your drug use. Why you lied to me, knowing that I'd find out anyway, I'll never know, but it imperative now that I see you.
That's not possible. I told you.
There are certain meds, certain intravenous measures that can counteract some of the damage you've done, but I'd have to administer them myself.
Won't work, we're just gonna have to chance it man. I'm sorry.
No. Sorry comes later, when you're in a partial coma with ambulatory paralysis. Sorry comes when we have to decide which of your limbs have to be amputated because severely constricted blood flow has brought about a gangrenous infection, sorry --
I'm here, where's the car?
What happened?
His law firm, same one that hired me. Israel walked out after he made bail and nobody's seen him since.
So I guess you're not going.
I know his location, we've got the drop of a maybe half a day before that location gets grape-vined and the rest of the world gets hipped.
Yeah, we've been through that.
Then quit acting like somebody shit in your cereal bowl. Reed just gave us fifty grand.
-- Jack, what am I doing? I'm standing here, aren't I? Shouldn't that be enough? That I made the trip?
Your attitude sucks.
Two security levels, the one we're going in under the guise of, hotel security, has restricted access. They're mostly there to monitor the lobby, handle disturbances on the different floors and toss out drunks. There's a thirty-five member employee rotation going from graveyard to day shift. If we split up, we can blend in and enter unnoticed. Once we're inside the hotel, we'll regroup.
D'you talk to'm?
What'd you say?
I said I got his machine.
No, what did you say on the machine?
I left him a message.
Jesus Hugo! How is it that you can turn a simple conversation into a fucking hedge maze!? This is zero degree of difficulty man!
Okay.
I said that we were returning his call and you were real concerned, because he sounded real concerned.
About what?
I dunno... Cinnamon roll?
I could have it sent out...
Do you want me to say I did it?
I was kinda hoping, yeah.
Do you want me to say I'm sorry?
...I'm sorry...
Are you a fucking colossal idiot?
I am. Yeah.
Without peer?
Answer your fucking pages! I've been calling for fifteen minutes, we need you up here to clean NOW!
Fifty grand gouge. South shore hayseeds, this is why I never play Tahoe, or redneck Reno...
We're hot, and they're losing a whole floor's worth of business saying it's "under construction."
That's probably him now...
Y'ain't never had to wash another man's blood off, dig it out y'fingernails... Y'had us for that. Y'ain't ever made a real beef on y'own, shit as light in the ass as you are, I'll bet you ain't ever made anything more than a fuck'n fist your whole life. So if you think I'mma let your lil' punk-ass, with the dirt I've done for
FUCK YOU!
They're gonna give on this in the next ten seconds or the deal's off!
I dunno what to say to you sweetheart, it is what it is.
Baby, I've been co-habitating with these people for the past thirty odd hours and in so doing, have stared into the face of hell. These are the premier prick cocksuckers of all time and I feel beaten by them, I feel bloodied --
And I vibe that kiddo, I do indeed, but it's one'a those fait accompli things, you have to --
I don't have to do shit! Which includes cooperating any further with these motherfuckers until I get what I want! Alright, fuck it, if we gotta hand 'em somebody from our end and they're being hard-ons about it -- make it Hugo, him I don't mind. He needs that regimented thing that prison provides --
-- Buddy, it's bigger than that, they want 'em all, Ivy, Beanie --
Buddy, they revoked the deal, they pulled it...
They what? What? No. No. Why?
Sparazza is rumored to have performed in excess of one-hundred and thirty contract murders, including one of the bureau's most celebrated agents. Freeman Heller. You heard of "The Turnpike Murders" that was Sparazza.
So he's personally issued the contract on Israel?
A marked man gets wise and wants to come in.
So the wiretaps we conducted on Serna and Padiche, the mention of Israel's heart?
On an extradition flight back to El Salvador, he murdered a security detachment and vanished.
You think it's possible he could be involved in the Israel hit?
It's the last place they'd look.
Here. Sit. Please.
This is him? The hitman hired to kill Israel? He's a doctor?
What the hell -- What is this!? People died. Agent Carruthers is dead!
Where's Israel?
What are you doing here?
My debrief --
-- will be handled back in --
I can't discuss --
-- You can and you will.
You're finished.
...A paternity suit, filed 1967...
...Does he know?
Sparazza was in failing health and looking for a donor. The son who had betrayed and burned him so thoroughly seemed a obvious choice.
So all of our intel was bogus to begin with.
...When did you know all this?
...Are you insane?
You realize that Sparraza has had thirty-six major medical procedures performed on him since 1953? Elective plastic surgery, every single one --
It wasn't elective. It was undertaken to save his life. And it wasn't cosmetic, it was reconstructive... Look at the date of the first procedure.
...Yeah, fifty-three.
...holy shit... that's Heller... Isn't it?
The agents of that era are all dead and gone, history had defaulted to fable... until now. You can imagine the shock this sent through the corridors of power in D.C. Heller's op predates the second world war. That's over sixty years of intel. Do you know how valuable that could be? The man's a treasure trove.
...So you made another deal?
I wouldn't go that far.
You're trying to save Sparazza?
No... We're trying to save Heller.
...So you knew all this and yet y--
-- We needed cohesion to move forward. Not conjecture.
...while Carruthers and a dozen others lie dying, you debate semantics. The Bureau's betrayed us... The way they betrayed him...
I'll overlook what you've done here today in light of what's taken place. You've been fully debriefed. Now I want you to return to D.C. immediately and make no further inquiry into this matter. I mean it. It's closed.
Buzzy... Buzz...?
Yeah... Sid?
You got clicks, anything?
Nah, nuthin' on my end --
Alright, now Buzzy -- this is, this is it, here, okay, so listen to me careful and wait till I'm finished 'cuz we got no room for slop.
Okay, he's gonna clip Israel, I just gotta outta there --
-- he's doing it then, huh --
-- yeah, now lemme finish, I was eavesdroppin', so give me sec, lay this thing out, since the information might be a little loose --
-- okay, g'head --
No question, no, you're right. We gotta do what's good for us now.
Fuckin' A, first survive, yes?
Y'gotta, y'gotta. But d'ya think they'll kick ransom for that little prick, assuming we get to'm.
... Jesus... what for?
-- who can say. He's off his onion, y'know, he's old school Sicilian, this is how they hate.
Wow.
Hey, we nab Israel, they pay t'get'm back, I'll cut the fuckin' thing out m'self, no extra charge. My thing is, we crew up, let's not fuck around, someone's cousin, some Zip off the boat from Naples, let's get pros, people who know how to behave.
Yeah, there's a pair'a broads I'm thinking might be good for this.
Chances are, they're gonna get into some shit too, hafta put people down.
That's not a problem. Are we goin' outta pocket ourselves?
Yeah, I can front this.
Well just so I got a quote in my head. What's the rate for the Swede?
That's the punchline, y'ready?
Shoot.
A million flat.
No shit.
Buzzy... Buzz...?
Yeah... Sid?
Right, you got clicks, anything?
So how we lookin'?
Good. This thing's on track, looks like it's gonna get done.
Fuckin' thrilled t'hear it. So the scout, the sitdown, y'musta felt it from 'em then huh?
Lil' cagey, y'know, don't like t'share trade secrets, that type'a thing.
Okay -- yeah, I can, I respect that.
Well, I'm hearin' the Swede's been dispatched, he's flying so --
-- No, no, not when y'can see the shore. I hear ya.
Okay, well, y'know, then we just gotta get Israel.
I'm working on it.
Bag this fucker Buzzy.
Georgia on my mind wit'yo fine ass. You know you saved this black man.
You know I did baby... And a deep, dark one at that. Now if you ain't a dog, which you don't look like --
-- never in a million girl --
-- good, then all you got to be is grateful.
No doubt. That's my moms there, taught me them skills.
You love her?
My mamma? C'mon shorty, y'gotta ask? You hurtin' pretty bad?
Got hit twice.
It's going around ain't it? Mafuckas catching bullets like the common cold up in this bitch. I think I accidentally shot and killed my boy today.
Well, if it's any comfort, I's goin' in to there to act a fool baby. Straight rockin' heat and slayin' niggas --
For real?
Mmm-hmm... and your boy very well mighta been one of 'em.
True?
Like a mafucka.
That takes some of the sting out.
I probably woulda busted on you too... and what a shame that woulda been.
I feel like I know you girl. I feel like I've known you forever. You gonna lemme see your scars?
You do the right thing. Sit with me while I heal, let it develop slow.
What were you doin' here anyway?
We gotta lay something out, strategy- wise. Somethin' tight. Y'go in there ad-libbing, it's y'ass.
Why?
'Cuz we don't need to draw any more shit down on our heads. We hit whoever's between us and Israel. I don't want to dead the whole floor and I don't want to be killing women no matter how they make a living.
Nuthin', we cool. There was somethin' about a fed being in the building.
A Fed? Like FBI?
When them tricks hit the lobby, holla at me and I'm gonna meet them on the way up, blend in. Once I get inside, I'mma put m'Nina to Israel's head and back out hot. Anybody's fucks with that program, y'break 'em off. They get gully --
I'mma grip and rip girl. I got some handloads here ready to cut heads.
Jus' remember, this is more rescuin' shit than rampagin' shit... What are you shootin'?
You got the fifty up? Bitch y'tryin' t'take down a jumbo jet? Blown the moon out the sky? T'fuck you wanna get that grimy?
The try t'wild out on my boo and it's on and crackin'! I'm layin' niggas out.
...So you heard from Keith? He still fuckin' with that 'lil light-skinned girl?
I ain't tryin' to break a sweat for that sorry ass nigga.
He a dog babydoll. He a great dane. I tried to tell y'after ya'll first date. He hit that ass one time, his interest in a bitch start t'landslide.
You know I burned all his shit. All that vinyl. Chalamar, Funkadelic, I burned his turntables too. They was like three-thousand brand new.
Girl, lemme ask you somethin' and I want you t'tell me straight up, since I got my suspicions and y'know I ain't one t'talk circles... you gay?
What!?
Ain't nuthin' wrong wit' it.
Damn! Why you trippin' like that?
-- I don't know, I feel like you always pushin' up on me, gettin' close and I love you baby, in every way you can love a bitch, 'cept that one.
I ain't even goin' dignify that. You my road dog. We threw up sets. Plus you stank.
What'd you say?
Are you anywhere near the penthouse?
No, but that definitely sounds like shots and I don't where it's comin' from --
-- It's your IFB, somebody else has got an earpiece, you're picking up their signal --
What's wrong?
I'm not givin' it up jus' yet...
...Shhhhhhit... girl, there's these two dudes, just sittin' here in this elevator, all shot up...
What?
They musta been beefin' big time with one another, cuz this shit, got way past words, whatever it was.
Girl one of these fools has an FBI badge on him! Is this the one that was doing the inspection?
I DON'T KNOW!
Bulllllshit...
And so I get this straight, we gotta go in, bust on this punk and remove the heart? Is that for real?
No, no, no, y'gotta go in and get him, pull'm out of wherever he at, forget all that other shit, that's just f'flavor. I'm still getting lil' bits'a this-n-that from this cat Padiche, the man contacting me... Right now, what we got -- -- Is a number and a name... Buddy Israel.
What else did Padiche say?
Forty-five apiece for you two, ten percent finders fee for me.
What's the time frame?
Gibarian.
You think you're dreaming me, like you dream her. Understand something: I am the real Gibarian. Just a new incarnation.
What do you want?
You're being tricked. Sartorius picked a fight with you to avoid telling you about his idea for getting rid of the visitors. He's figured out they're made of subatomic particles called neutrinos, and he's going to create a negative neutrino field. Twenty four hours a day, until they're back on Earth.
Can it work?
What I'm saying is: Don't trust anyone. Find yourself a weapon of some sort.
I can trust Rheya.
You'll end up like me.
You're not Gibarian...
No? Who am I, then?
A puppet.
You have to give me your word you won't come in. Then I'll come out.
What happened to Gibarian?
Didn't you talk to Snow?
I want to hear your version.
Who, here, could possibly care what you want? At best, you're Employee of the Month for the highest bidder in the Solaris auction. They have no idea what's going on up here. They've never even been in space. And I'm supposed to listen to you?
I am here to recover this mission, report my findings, and make a recommendation. Now: What happened to him?
The same thing that could happen to any of us.
Where's his body?
In the lab. With her, probably.
They shouldn't let people like you into space.
Just so you know: I'm not going back until I understand what it is. I am going to figure out what it is, make it stop, and then I will go home.
Listen --
No. There's no behavior modification.
Meaning Man can do whatever the fuck it wants?
Yes.
That's fantastic.
You killed her!
You murdered her!
She'll come back.
No, she won't.
Why would you let her to do that?
It's not human, Kelvin. Whatever it is, it's not human, and I am threatened by that. Evolution-of- the-species-at-stake threatened. And I want to win. I want humans to win. So I am killing it before it kills me.
You fucking bastard...
It's changing characteristics. It's solidifying taking on weight.
How quickly?
Where's Snow? Did you call him?
What's wrong? What happened to Gibarian?
He's dead.
You didn't bring any chocolate, did you?
What?
I can't talk just now. I'm too tired.
Where's Sartorius?
In his lab. He won't let you in.
He'll let me in.
Is there anybody else here?
Why, who did you see?
Gibarian warned me. He left me a message.
Who was it?
Tell me. I won't think you're insane.
How much sleep do you need?
How much sleep?
How long can you go without sleep?
That depends.
Was her breakfast conversation that bad?
Shut up.
I told you, try to stay calm. You're supposed to be the psychologist of the bunch.
Personally, I think it's God. At least, it fits my definition.
And professionally?
I'm not sure. It started with Gibarian. He locked himself in his room and refused to talk except through a crack in the door. He covered the video lens. Obviously we thought he was having a nervous breakdown. I don't know why he didn't tell us he had somebody in there. By this time, we were getting visitors, too. He was desperately trying to
My wife.
She has materialized from your memory of her. What was her name?
Rheya.
It started about three months ago. Right after the government sold the expedition. We were ready to go home.
Will she come back?
Probably.
I wish you'd told me.
What will you say?
To who?
What are you going to report back to Earth?
I don't know.
An enormous amount of money changed hands to get control of this project. We are in little danger of being left alone for long. You'll need to do something. Otherwise they'll be sending someone out to recover you.
Gibarian said he thinks Solaris should be destroyed.
Kelvin, you awake?
What is it?
Can you meet me and Sartorius on B deck in an hour?
Why?
Is it being deliberately cruel, you mean? I don't think so.
I'm just trying to find an explanation for the continual reappearances.
You're unnerved because you've spent your whole life thinking nobody is looking over you, and suddenly your subconscious is an open book. We are, for the first time, experiencing changes in natural reality by a force not our own. That proves that --
-- we are not sure of that. We are not sure we aren't all hallucinating.
If God is beyond our comprehension, and she -- -- is here for reasons that can't be understood, isn't God here?
Not necessarily.
Stop equivocating! Unbelievable, how you equivocate! You, the atheist, you're more dogmatic than any holy person I've ever seen! This is happening, Kelvin. Wake up.
Consciousness is enough, that's all I've saying. Consciousness should be enough for anybody.
We can liquidate the station. Take the Athena back.
No.
Of course, when we return, we'll be regarded as lunatics if we tell the truth. We'll chalk it up to isolation, collective derangement.
I've never heard you express any desire to leave before now. Why now?
Well, I think we're reaching the point of diminishing returns here, right? Certainly it's learning more about us than we'll ever learn about it.
But why is it doing what it's doing? Given it's resources, it could have done anything. Presented me with your double, and you with mine.
Perhaps it did.
Human beings can die.
They come when you sleep.
What happened?
Why do you think she hasn't suggested that? It's the most obvious solution: Escape. She knows she can't leave here --
Get out --
She knows everything. She knows who she is.
She knows everything? Does she know she came once before and you put her in --
What do you want?
I want you to get Sartorius to abandon his plan.
What plan?