- Inauguration balls -
- opening of the Opera -
- riding to hounds -
- and always the same Four Hundred.
You know, it's amazing we never ran into each other before. I'm sure I would have remembered anybody as attractive as you.
You're very kind. I'll bet you're also very gentle - and helpless -
I beg your pardon?
You see, I have this theory about men with glasses.
What theory?
Maybe I'll tell you when I know you a little better. What are you doing tonight?
Tonight?
I thought you might like to come to the hotel and hear us play.
I'd like to - but it may be rather difficult.
Why?
I only come ashore twice a day - when the tide goes out.
Oh?
It's on the account of the shells. That's my hobby.
You collect shells?
Yes. So did my father and my grandfather - we've all had this passion for shells - that's why we named the oil company after it.
Shell Oil?
Would you mind moving along, please?
Well, I guess I'd better go -
It's been delightful meeting you both.
And you will come to hear us tonight?
Josephine.
The most wonderful thing happened -
What?
Guess!
One of whom?
Shell Oil, Junior. He's got millions - he's got glasses - and he's got a yacht.
Well, he's young and handsome and a bachelor - and he's a real gentleman - not one of these grabbers.
Maybe you'd better go after him - if you don't want to lose him.
Oh, I'm not going to let this one get away. He's so cute - collects shells.
Anyway, you're going to meet him tonight.
I am?
I guess he's not going to show up - it's give minutes to one - you suppose he forgot?
Well, you know how those millionaires are. These came for you.
You heard her - yes.
Been waiting long?
Thank you. And thank you for the flowers.
I wanted them to fly down some orchids from our greenhouse but all of Long Island is fogged in.
I seem to be out of gas.
I just got this motorboat - it's an experimental model.
Looks like they're on the wrong track.
Do you mind riding backwards? It may take a little longer -
It looked so small from the beach - but when you're on it, it's more like a cruiser - or a destroyer.
Just regulation size. We have three like this.
Three?
Mother keeps hers in Southampton - and Dad took his to Venezuela - the company is laying a new pipe line.
My dad is more interested in railroads. Baltimore and Ohio. Which is the port and which is the starboard?
Well, that depends - on whether you're coming or going - I mean, normally the aft is on the other side of the stern - and that's the bridge - so you can get from one side of the boat to the other - how about a glass of champagne?
Love it. Which way?
Oh, you have an upstairs and a downstairs.
Oh - in here.
It's exquisite - like a floating mansion.
It's all right for a bachelor.
What a beautiful fish.
Caught him off Cape Hatteras.
What is it?
Oh - a member of the herring family.
A herring? Isn't it amazing how they get those big fish into those little glass jars?
Champagne?
I don't mind if I do.
Down the hatch - as we say at sea.
Look at all that silverware.
Trophies. You know - skeet-shooing, dog-breeding, water polo...
Water polo - isn't that terribly dangerous?
I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me.
Where's your shell collection?
Yea, of course. Now where could they have put it? On Thursdays, I'm sort of lost around here.
What's on Thursdays?
It's the crews' night off.
You mean we're alone on the boat?
Completely.
You know, I've never been completely alone with a man before - in the middle of the night - in the middle of the ocean.
Oh, it's perfectly safe. We're well anchored - the ship is in shipshape - and the Coast Guard promised to call me if there are any icebergs around.
It's not the icebergs. But there are certain men who would try to take advantage of a situation like this.
You're flattering me.
Well, of course, I'm sure you're a gentleman.
Oh, it's not that. It's just that I'm - harmless.
Harmless - how?
Well, I don't know how to put it - but I have this thing about girls.
What thing?
They just sort of leave me cold.
You mean - like frigid?
It's more like a mental block. When I'm with girls, it does nothing to me.
Have you tried?
See? Nothing.
Nothing at all?
Complete washout.
That makes me feel just awful.
Oh, it's not your fault. It's just that every now and then Mother Nature throws somebody a dirty curve. Something goes wrong inside.
You mean you can't fall in love?
Not anymore. I was in love once - but I'd rather not talk about it. How about a little cold pheasant?
What happened?
I don't want to bore you.
Oh, you couldn't possibly.
Well, it was my freshman year at Princeton - there was this girl - her name was Nellie - her father was vice-president of Hupmobile - she wore glasses, too. That summer we spent our vacation at the Grand Canyon - we were standing on the highest ledge, watching the sunset - suddenly we had an impulse to kiss - I took off my
Oh, no!
Yes. Eight hours later they brought her up by mule - I gave her three transfusions - we had the same blood type - Type O - it was too late.
Talk about sad.
Ever since then - numb - no feelings. Like my heart was shot full of novocaine.
You poor, poor boy.
Yes - all the money in the world - but what good is it? Mint sauce or cranberries?
How can you think about food at a time like this?
What else is there for me?
Is it that hopeless?
My family did everything they could - hired the most beautiful French upstairs maids - got a special tutor to read me all the books that were banned in Boston - imported a whole troupe of Balinese dancers with bells on their ankles and those long fingernails - what a waste of money!
Have you ever tried American girls?
Is that anything?
Maybe if you saw a good doctor...
I have. Spent six months in Vienna with Professor Freud - flat on my back - - then there were the Mayo Brothers - and injections and hypnosis and mineral baths - if I weren't such a coward, I'd kill myself.
Don't talk like that. I'm sure there must be some girl some place that could -
Would you do me a favor?
What is it?
I may not be Dr. Freud or a Mayo Brother or one of those French upstairs girls - but could I take another crack at it?
Anything this time?
I'm afraid not. Terribly sorry.
Would you like a little more champagne? And maybe if we had some music - - how do you dim these lights?
You're not giving yourself a chance. Don't fight it. Relax.
It's like smoking without inhaling.
Well - ?
I got a funny sensation in my toes - like somebody was barbecuing them over a slow flame.
I think you're on the right track.
I never knew it could be like this.
Thank you.
They told me I was caputt - finished - washed up - and now you're making a chump out of all those experts.
Mineral baths - now really!
Where did you learn to kiss like that?
Good night.
Good morning.
How much do I owe the Milk Fund so far?
Eight hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
Oh, no. I'm off that stuff - for good.
Did you have a nice time?
Gee, I wish I'd been there.
Really?
From a rich millionaire.
That's wonderful. Poor Josephine.
Me?
That's funny - I never slept better. And I had the most wonderful dream. I was still on the yacht, and the anchor broke loose - and we drifted for days and days - you were the captain and I was the crew - I kept a lookout for icebergs, and I sorted your shells, and mixed your cocktails, and wiped the steam off
Yes. Now about our date for tonight...
I'll meet you on the pier again - right after the show.
I'm afraid not. I can't make it tonight.
Tomorrow night?
Not tomorrow, either. You see, I have to leave - something unexpected came up - I'm sailing right away.
Where to? South America? Oh. That is unexpected.
You see, we have those oil interests in Venezuela - and I just got a cable from Dad - the board of directors decided on a merger.
A merger? How long will you be gone?
Quite a while. As a matter of fact, I'm not coming back at all.
You're not?
It's all rather complicated - what we call high finance - but it so happens that the president of the Venezuelan syndicate has a daughter, and -
Oh - that kind of a merger. Is she young? Pretty?
According to our tax advisers, she's only so-so. But - that's the way the oil gushes. A man in my position has a certain responsibility to the stockholders - all those little people who invest their life savings -
Oh, of course. I understand. At least, I think I do.
I only wish there were something I could do for you.
But you have. You've given me all that inside information - first thing tomorrow I'm going to call my broker and have him buy fifty thousand shares of Venezuelan oil.
Yes, they're here. Oh - white orchids. Would you believe it - I haven't had white orchids since I was a debutante. What's this?
What's what? Oh, that. just a little going away present.
Real diamonds. They must be worth their weight in gold. Are you always this generous?
Not always. But I want you to know I'm very grateful for what you did for me.
Oh. The navigator just came in - we're ready to cast off.
Well, anchors aweigh, you have a bon voyage. And if you need an orchestra to play at your wedding, we'll be through here in a couple of weeks.
What's the matter, Sugar?
Daphne -
He was the first nice guy I ever met in my life - and the only one who ever gave me anything.
You'll forget him, Sugar.
Sugar! What do you think you're doing?
You don't want me, Sugar - I'm a liar and a phony - a saxophone player - one of those no-goodnicks you've been running away from -
I know. Every time!
Do yourself a favor - go back where the millionaires are - the sweet end of the lollipop - not the cole slaw in the face and the old socks and the squeezed-out tube of toothpaste -
Good evening, sir.
I come to the old lady's funeral.
I don't believe I've seen you at any of our services before.
That's because I've been on the wagon.
PLEASE!
Where are they holding the wake? I'm supposed to be one of the pallbearers.
What'll it be, sir?
Booze.
Sorry, sir, we only serve coffee.
Coffee?
Scotch coffee, Canadian coffee, sour-mash coffee...
Haven't you got another pew - not so close to the band? How about that one?
Better bring the check now - in case the joint gets raided.
Who's going to raid a funeral?
Okay, Spats - the services are over. Lets go.
Go where?
A little country club we run for retired bootleggers. I'm gonna put your name up for membership.
I never join nothin'.
You'll like it there. I'll have the prison tailor fit you with a pair of special spats - striped!
Big joke. Who's the rap this time?
Embalming people with coffee - eighty-six proof.
Me? I'm just a customer here.
Come on, Spats - we know you own this joint. Mozarella is just fronting for you.
Mozarella? Never heard of him.
We got different information.
From who? Toothpick Charlie, maybe?
You're wasting the taxpayers' money.
If you want to, you can call your lawyer.
Well, Spats Colombo - if I were saw one.
Hello, copper. What brings you down to Florida?
I heard you opera-lovers were having a little rally - so I thought I better be around in case anybody decides to sing.
Big joke!
Say, Maestro - where were you at three o'clock on St. Valentine's Day?
Me? I was at Rigoletto.
What's his first name? And where does he live?
That's an opera, you ignoramus.
Where did they play it - in a garage on Clark Street?
Clark Street? Never heard of it.
Ever hear of the DeLuxe French Cleaners on Wabash Avenue?
Why?
Because the day after the shooting you sent in a pair of spats - they had blood on them.
I cut myself shaving.
You shave with your spats on?
I sleep with my spats on.
Quit kidding. You did that vulcanizing job on Toothpick Charlie - and we know it.
You and who else?
Me and those two witnesses whom your lawyers have been looking for all over Chicago.
All right, Charlie - this the joint?
Yes, sir.
And who runs it?
I already told you.
Refresh my memory.
Spats Colombo.
That's very refreshing. Now what's the password?
I come to Grandma's funeral. Here's your admission card.
Thanks, Charlie.
If you want a ringside table, tell 'em you're one of the pall bearers.
Look, Chief - I better blow now, because if Spats Colombo sees me, it's Goodbye Charlie.
Hi, Spats. We was laying eight to one you wouldn't show.
Why wouldn't I?
We thought you was all broken up about Toothpick Charlie.
Well, we all got to go sometime.
Yeah. You never know who's going to be next. Okay, Spats. Report to the Sergeant- at-Arms.
What for?
Hello, Charlie. Long time no see.
What is it, Spats? What do you want here?
Just dropped in to pay my respects.
You don't owe me no nothing.
I don't know what you're talking about.
So now I got all those coffins on my hands - and I hate to see them go to waste.
Too bad, Charlie. You would have had three eights. Goodbye, Charlie!
You know what I love about all this?
There’s finally a reason for the whole world to revolve around you?
Perfect. All ginny.
Except it’s Scotch.
Did Kat tell you she dumped you because of your funky breath?
Christ, Amy.
Oh, shut up and be happy. It’s always this or that. You’re never happy, you frowny-faced Grumplestilskin.
Why don’t you get my half sister her seventh hole?
I don’t think I can go through with this.
Pub Golf?
Do you want to come in for a minute? We could talk about--
When I freaked out at the pub? That was nothing, just nerves. Don’t worry about it.
God, Kat! Please. Don’t be nice to me. I can take anything right now but you being nice to me.
I should get going.
Are you sure you’re okay?
We were eating and puking together in harmony until one day, Tony walked me home from school. He was my first boyfriend. I was fourteen.
So Tony Pee-Pants starts ignoring Kat. He wanted to play with me.
Hey.
You know what? I’m not having this conversation right now.
Wow. You look beautiful.
Fred Astaire and what’s her face!
Sorry to interrupt. Your dad sent me.
What for?
You know all that “if these walls could talk” stuff? Do you believe it? That a place has a memory?
It was such a long time ago.
Still--
If Ed ever found out....
Or Kat....
You’d better get going. My parents will be ‘round to cart you off to the country.
Whatever you do, don’t mention Italy. Or politics. Or baby buggies. Or Edith Piaf.
Say something. Please.
Does Kat know?
Jeffrey told her last night.
Where’s Nick sleeping?
Why, with you.
Huh?
Mom’s refining her strategy for DDay.
I’m sure General Eisenhower never had to master the finer points of the seating chart and centerpieces. Oh, and tomorrow afternoon you are carpooling to the country with the Fletcher-Wootens.
I’d be happy to. You’re welcome.
I blame Tony Pee-Pants!
Oh, no. She tells this story at every major holiday.
She blames Tony Pee-Pants Pinterello for everything. The fall of the British Empire, the Cold War, the internet.
I’m an American and in America, people sue. So to prevent a lawsuit, I baked a tart. And I don’t bake.
What’s going on with you two?
I was pretty hard on her last night. And now she’s getting married.
There’s a reason I always tell that Tony Pee-Pants story, you know.
Trust me. This is bigger than Tony Pee-Pants.
Before Tony, you and your sister were best friends. I couldn’t split you up. If your sister ate the spinach, you ate the spinach. If you threw up--.
Mom, please.
Anyway, when that boy came over, it was the first time you ever did anything without her. And Amy wasn’t just jealous...she was sad and lonely. She missed you.
She did?
Who’s ever heard of dance lessons for a wedding, honestly?
Um, just about everyone.
Just because some slag’s been paid for, doesn’t mean you’ve got to...you know.
I think I love you, mate. How do you know so much about so much?
I thought you said you were crap.
I had to say something to get you here.
I’ll just check into a hotel.
I look like a total wanker, don’t I?
You heading to the train station?
I figured you could pick up your car tomorrow.
What’s his problem?
What?
There’s something about him that’s just a bit odd.
Other than, he’s shagging your exgirlfriend?
Remember when we went hiking in the lake district and Amy was wearing that little bikini thing.
No.
It was before you started going out. We had lunch at that inn on the lake.
Oh, yes. Right. The Rat and Parrot.
And Kat was fully clothed.
But, somehow, it was Kat’s arse that was stung by nettles. And you rubbed it with a dandelion leaf.
That’s when I realized I wanted to be a doctor.
Oh, shut up. You’re an optician.
I didn’t deserve her back then.
Nothing.
Hey.
Ah, a philosopher.
Shrink, actually.
Crikey.
What?
Nothing, nothing.
No, tell me.
Hey, man.
Sorry, can you give us a moment?
Why, Jeffrey. Hello.
Seeing you again....
Hey, Kat.
Hey, you!
Let me guess. Amy presumed I’d forget the rings. I think I’m her least favorite person. You know, I am sorry.
So, tell me, how’s unmarried life?
Whoa, Jeffrey. Slow down. You and me, we’re the past. I’m not sure if you noticed, but I’m here with someone else.
Kat, we must talk. This guy, there’s something not quite right.
It’s called character. God, you’re predictable.
Kat, wait. I don’t want you hating me. We’ve never had this talk. You know how crap I am at this.
Um, news flash: I don’t give a shit.
That was a long time ago.
It was. And it took your sister getting married to get you back here.
So, what’s your point?
You were so good to me. I swear I never meant to hurt you. We were together what, five years?
Seven if you count the on-and-off years. Which I do.
Right. Seven. Christ, that’s a long time, isn’t it?
Not for a dog.
Is this supposed to be an apology?
You’re not even listening.
Bollocks, I’m sorry. I had no idea this would be so difficult.
Relax. Take a breath and just say it. It’s no big deal. I promise.
Brilliant.
It’s the past. It’s nothing but ghosts. So just get it off your chest, then let’s go back upstairs and eat some tiramisu.
I’m sorry?
Hi. Hey.
You think we look like we’re trying too hard.
What color are my shoes?
Don’t patronize me. They’ve clearly been at this a while.
You’re funny.
Mission accomplished.
Mmm.
Mmm, nice dress? Or mmm-- Gorgeous, I was insane to let you go!
You know, they say you can tell everything you need to know about a person from the way they act when they’re naked.
The Knicks game? We both wanted the last hot dog?
Well, he looks miserable. What were you talking about?
Jeffrey knows love like he knows macramé.
He was pretty drunk, but I think he’s still crazy about you.
What did he say exactly? I mean, you don’t think he wants me back?
I don’t know.
What does your gut say?
No, count it, anyway.
Why?
Six thousand, right?
On the nose. I tell you what, because you’re so cute, I’ll take care of our incidentals.
How does it feel to get that much money just for being you?
Great, with the occasional stabs of shame. Now, listen, this covers the weekend, but as we discussed, if you want to be intimate, we talk money before anything happens.
That won’t be an issue, believe me. I find the idea of sex for money morally repugnant. No offense.
You quitting?
Who are they?
What?
It’s cute.
What is?
You stand on your tiptoes.
Have you ever done anything like this before?
A weekend?
Not the way you’re thinking. The women wanted me there for support. You can understand that.
Not you. You’re not disgusting. You’re lovely. Just the idea that they’d bring an escort. I mean, a stranger who, um, didn’t...who never.... I mean, someone’s dead.
Sorry. I’m a little nervous. I never thought something like this would happen to me.
This happened to you?
How did you know that was me?
I have a friend at the magazine.
Your “friend” guaranteed my anonymity.
Would you grab my shampoo?
The real story is that my mother was a hippie. And a stripper. She was insanely inappropriate with me. She used to wash her lingerie in my bathwater. While I was still in the bath.
Oh, no.
You shit!
I have a different story for every woman who asks. I look at her and figure out what she needs to hear to feel okay about being with me.
And you thought I’d respond to the hippie stripper with no boundaries?
So...what was I...oh, yeah. Do you honestly think that I want to be single and miserable? That I want to be obsessed with some asshole who led me on for years then -- out of the blue -- shattered my heart.
Yes.
What?!
Are you asking me if I’m gay for pay?
I guess so.
There’s a guy on 81st and Madison. You get your results in 24 hours. Do you make your lovers get tested before you sleep with them?
I love that you’re asking questions, but do you really want to get into all of this?
Don’t stop asking questions, okay?
I swear. I don’t have a signature move.
Subtle?
It’s hard to explain.
Come on.
Are you sure?
Is this for last night?
Of course not. How...how could it be? Nothing happened.
Don’t they have a limit at those machines?
So you’re telling me. If something had happened last night...it would have cost me fourteen hundred dollars? That’s a down payment on a Ford Focus!
And what if I didn’t want you to...to do that to me?
No, no. The three hundred is for you doing it to me.
What?
Believe me, if anything had happened, that would have been one of the highlights. For you.
But nothing did.
Hello, goodbye, I want you, I hate you. It’s all just words. None of it means anything. What matters is what you do. You either stay put or you walk away. If you look back, you’re not walking away!
Oh, cut the crap!
I just hate seeing you so stuck.
He was about to un-stick me! I paid you to help me get closure.
I’m sorry I was such a bitch. I really appreciate your doing this.
You have had girlfriends?
When I said I’d never done a wedding before, I didn’t say that no one ever asked. I just never said yes.
So, why’d you say yes to me?
There was something in your voice on the phone that day.
What would you do if you weren't an escort?
What would you do if you stopped worrying about what other people think?
Yeah. You?
Fourteen and he’s hoodwinked by a an erector set?
And that’s when he peed in his pants? After the tart?
He bled a bunch, but no, there was no peeing.
Besides, you hired me for my discretion.
You’ve always got that to hide behind, don’t you? It’s just business!
You let me make a fool of myself! You lied to me! I don’t know why that surprises me because lying is what you do. It’s your job. It’s who you are. How would you even know if something were real?
You’re right. I was so desperate to make everyone believe I was happy that I spent six grand on a lie. And after all that? The only one who ended up falling for it was me.
Hi.
I should go.
What?! No, no. You can’t--
Nice speech. I thought it was “touching”... and “funny.”
Kat Ellis! We live two hundred miles away from each other but I have to fly all the way to London to see you. You haven’t visited me once in D.C. Where the hell have you been? I have gynecologists that call more often.
You have more than one gynecologist?
You didn’t have to do that.
What’s he do anyway?
Like fifteen.
Oh, no. He told you.
You knew?
Hey, Sal.
I heard you were back in town, kitty cat. You’re here for the highland flings, I bet.
The one I made for you is the cherries. You hang onto it or give it back?
Give it back? Are you nuts?
You pawned it.
You want I nut him in the boat?
Yes? No. What? Save the patter for the tourists.
You want me to let him in?
Dad!
Hi, kiddo.
That’s not true. We checked for leaks a few years back. Good morning.
So why’d you let him go?
It’s complicated, Dad.
Yeah.
I’m worried. Amy’s not good at drinking. She gets sooo drunk sooo fast. Does free alcohol get you less drunk or more drunker? Is it ‘drunker’ or ‘drunker-er’?
“Not yet...”
I thought you were living in San Francisco. Or was it Nepal?
I always wondered what happened with us.
She’s drunk. -er than me. But I didn’t really dump you, did I?
I’m guessing MacCallum, 18 years. Neat, with a water-back.
I am now, sir.
What is it you do again?
What do you say to that?
Best thing about being a dad is when your kid starts kicking your ass--
Hey, Sigmund, you think you could rustle up the bride and tell her to join the party?
I just wanta wash my hand. It's got blood where I hurt it.
You don't live around here, do you?
No, mam... I come from way back there. Me and my dog was tryin' to find my daddy and we got lost.
Is he here in Borderdale?
I don't know, he's in a prison camp.
My name is Camille -- Camille Johnson and I'm the Supervisor of this school. What's your name?
David Lee Morgan. My dog's name is Sounder. That feels better.
You keep looking around, David. Don't you go to school?
Sometime, but not like this.
It's a good thing your hand did not become infected -- how did you cut it like this?
Me and Sounder went to this prison camp to see my Daddy and the police guard runs us away and I fell on some glass.
Did your mother know you were going to see your father?
Uh huh...
That does it...
Thank you, Miss Johnson.
You got a pretty house, Miss Johnson!
And you say all them people is dead now?
They lived a long time ago -- before you and I were born.
Here it is, right here.
That's where we come from first?
And the other people you told me 'bout, they is all colored folk?
Colored.
Don't you teach in your school 'bout folk who ain't dead?
Here's one by a man that's very much alive.
What's his name?
Dr. William E. B. Dubois.
What he talk 'bout?
You're a friendly lady, Miss Johnson.
What about Sounder?
Now don't you think it's time you told me all about yourself?
Well, how did you like the class, David?
... So me and Sounder, ran right by the men that was the prisoners, and crawled under the fence! That's when I cut my hand on the glass. It hurt like mad! But I kept runnin', and then I didn't feel no more hurtin' till I stopped runnin'! Why was that, Miss Johnson?
Because all you could think of was getting away from the guard.
Oh... . You right, that's all that was worryin' me right then...
You know, that was a good thing you did for Clarence, in class today. I believed his story, but I was afraid the other children wouldn't...
He was real scared nobody would believe him -- I could tell, even when he first stood up.
You could? How?
I been like that myself, when I thought nobody was gonna believe me... You wanna hear another story?!
What are you looking at, out there? There's nothing to see.
You think about your father a lot, don't you?
Yes mam...
Well, you shouldn't worry about him too much, David.
What do I tell my mama when I get home? I didn't find him and that's what I wanted to do.
But you did all you could, David. Not many little boys could've gone on such a journey as you did.
But where is my daddy!?
I can't answer that for you -- but it's no fault of your own that you don't know where your father is now. You tell me what you did that kept you from finding your father. Come on, tell me...
Nothin'...
And so you did your job, right?
Yes, mam...
Whewwww! You sure keep my mind jumping, boy!
What do that mean?
You know that the class is going to challenge your story, don't you, Clarence?
Yes, Miss Johnson...
Go on...
How was your sister after you pulled her out of the water?
Clarence, would you tell us a story that was not true, after telling us it was?
No, Miss Johnson...
Can you swim?
:--THE STRANGE ENDINGS OF NATURE THEY HAVE SEEN, MAY GIVE THE WORLD NEW POINTS OF VIEW AND MAKE THEIR LOVING, LIVING, AND DOING PRECIOUS TO ALL HUMAN...
:The night in the woods with his father and SOUNDER. The shouting and laughter after the baseball game --
:...HEARTS. AND TO THEMSELVES IN THESE DAYS THAT TRY THEIR SOULS...
:HE, JOSIE and EARL, running and playing in the field.
:...THE CHANCE TO SOAR IN THE DIM BLUE AIR ABOVE SMOKE IS TO THEIR...
:His visit with his father at the County Jail house --
:...FINER SPIRITS BOON AND GUERDON FOR WHAT THEY LOSE ON EARTH BY BEING BLACK.
I can't do it, Rita -- that's the policy here on colored prisoners, and I ain't about to change it, not even for a friend like you.
Charlie, just because a man and his family are colored, you--
But, Charlie --
I see you found what you was lookin' for.
I did look, Charlie, but I--
No buts, Rita!
Charlie, you have no legal right not to let this boy know where his father is! You hear that, you and this whole damn court house; what you are doing is wrong!
Don't tell me about what's wrong. You come into my office as a friend and steal city files! I could have you arrested for that -- and if you give out that information to anybody, that's exactly what I'm going to do -- and I'll tell everybody in this town how you got the information and who you got it for! You won't have
You would do that, wouldn't you?
There ain't no possums in this woods tonight, Daddy.
Looks that way, son. Guess the cold done drove most of 'em down to the big water country -- but if there's one left out here -- we gotta find him.
It's cold, Daddy!
If anybody's to blame, it's me -- I oughta nailed him when I took that shot.
It was too dark, Daddy.
Yes, sir...
He beat you, too, Daddy, and you had a big ol' shootin' rifle.
David Lee...
Yes, sir...
You had a rough time out there tonight -- so you stay home from that school tomorrow.
I wanna go -- the trip don't bother me none.
You learnin' anything at that school?
Readin' must be somethin' powerful, huh, son?
When the fall comes in these parts, the Night moon runs away like a rabbit -- you could stay out here lookin' all night, and not see a thing out yonder.
We goin' huntin' again tomorrow ?
Yep. I guess you must wonder why though, what with the luck we havin', but like I always say--
"You lose some of the time, what you always go afta, but you lose all the time what you don't go afta!"
Well, looka here...
Hi, Daddy...
Mama is outside with Josie Mae and Earl.
We didn't find Sounder yet.
He'll show up one day.
Do you think he's dead, Daddy?
It's a shame they won't let 'em come in here. If I had the strength I'd knock down these damn walls -- if I could just git my arms 'round your mama right now -- is they on this side of us, son?
Can you say what camp they gon' send you to, Daddy?
I don't know, son -- they won't tell us things like that -- but I don't want y'all to come here no more.
Why, Daddy; you won't be here?
What's wrong with your leg, Daddy?
Son, that was some trip you went on...
Where was you, Daddy?
That musta been afta they sent me to this place call Clayburn. That was the hardest workin' camp they sent me to. The work was so hard, you had to look for somethin' to laugh about to keep from feelin' the whole pain in your body. Like one time, it was in the middle of the day, and there weren't no sun -- you
Where did the sun go to, Daddy?
Into the clouds and behind the mountains.
What happened afta that?
And me too, son! You shore done got to be such a big little man!
We goin' huntin' again, Daddy !?
You bet we is!
Goodnight, Daddy...
Daddy, you home now... that's all I want -- I don't want nothin' else...
Mornin', son...
Where's everybody?
They gone to the field...
You feel alright today, Daddy?
Daddy, when is we goin' huntin'?
I'm real proud of how you helped your mama to keep this place goin', David Lee.
Wheeew! This is some hard work, but it beats goin' to jail.
You won't be goin' to jail again, will you, Daddy?
You hurt, Daddy!?
From Miss Johnson --
Dear David, if you are coming to school here, be sure to bring some warm clothes. The school term will begin September 8th, but it would be good for you to be here by the 4th or 5th of the month. I do hope everything is fine and you will be here. Give my "hello" to your family. Yours truly, Miss Camille Johnson...
You just came back home, Daddy. I don't wanna leave right now -- I wanna stay home and be with you.
And I wanta be with you, too, but this school is somethin' that's good for you -- somethin you need, like good air to breathe, and I want you to have it, boy, and that's the way it's gonna be!
But, Daddy, you need me here to help you in the field -- Daddy, your leg is hurt -- you can't work like you used to. Who's gonna help you!? Who's gonna do the work, Daddy?!
Let me tell you somethin', boy! I don't care if both of my legs was cut off! I can do more work in that field, than you could in a hundred years!
I won't go, Daddy! I won't go!
I love you, son! Don't ever think I don't love you! We gon' get to be friends?
You know somethin', Daddy?
What's that, son?
What's your daddy's name?
Mister, can you visit anybody here?
Gotta wait 'til visitin' days.
When's that?
Sunday...
Do you know my daddy, Nathan Lee Morgan?
David, you never cease to amaze me at how good you are in taking care of my garden.
Miss Boatwright --
Yes, David...
See you tomorrow, Miss Boatwright.
David!
What's in there, David!?
He eats all right -- his throat ain't scarred.
Then why don't he holler like he usta?
He will... Come on, git down and act like a possum.
I don't look like no possum!
I guess I'll havta work harder to git him back like he usta be.
Naw, I'm carryin' it!
David Lee, it's time for you to get to bed!
Mama, there's hot meat on the stove!
That's right!
Where did it come from, Mama?
Ready to go, Mama!
You got two shirts on?
Yes mam...
Who's winning, Mama?
What do they do in the white churches, Mama?
Who is they?
Don't take my Daddy! Please don't take my Daddy!
'Bye, Mama...
Did you see Daddy?
No, son. We havta wait 'til the holiday comes -- anyway, they won't let womenfolk see their men no time.
Can I go when the holiday comes?
Any sign of Sounder?
No mam -- I looked all over.
What is it, David Lee?
Poor creature...
Mama! Mama! Miss Boatwright, say she gon' help me find where Daddy is!
Can't sleep?
No, ma'am... Mama, I wanted Mrs. Boatwright to find out where Daddy is, so me and Sounder can go see him.
So did I. I figured when the time got right, we could all take a day or two and walk up there, but it's not the kind of long trip for a child to take alone.
I can do it, Mama -- you know that. In the Bible stories you read to us, everybody's always goin' on a long journey. Jacob goes into a strange land where his uncle is and he don't even know where he lives, but he finds him. Everybody finds what they supposed to find.
But you'll be away from home for days -- what will you do when the dark comes, where will you sleep? I can't send you away from here like that!
Mama, don't I always do what you say -- every time I go to the fields to plant the corn, to Miss Boatwright's and the woods -- you tell me what to do and I do it, and you don't worry.
Can I go day after tomorrow?
Yes, son. You better get back to bed.
Good night, Mama...
I wish you wouldn't take the dog with you, David -- he's likely to be a burden to you.
Here's your food -- now you go straight to that place -- if you need to rest, go into a church or railroad station -- but don't go into nobody's house, you hear me?
Yes, mam...
I cut it on some glass and we got lost, Mama.
Did you find your father?
Didn't see 'im, Mama. The other men there say they didn't know Daddy.
What's that you carryin'?
Some books Miss Johnson gave me.
Who's Miss Johnson?
So when I left, she gave me these books.
Miss Johnson must be a real kindly lady.
She is, Mama... When the fall comes, she wants me to come to her school.
How can you do that? You don't live anywhere near that school.
She says I can come live with her while school goin' on, and come back home every time there ain't no school.
What's wrong with him, David?
It's the heat.
It's when the heat is so bad, dogs go crazy.
What's wrong, Nathan?
Be good and be smart, little boy.
We brought your laundry, Miss Boatwright.
This is for your mama's work, and here's something for the three of you.
It's about the Three Musketeers.
Thank you, Miss Boatwright.
When you read it we'll talk about it...
Yes mam... We gotta go, Miss Boatwright.. .
Would you like to have a cool drink, David?
I'll find out where your daddy is for you.
Thank you, Miss Boatwright!
You know where my father is, don't you, Miss Boatwright?
No, he was wrong, David, I didn't find out.
But I saw you -- you looked in there, and you found out, Miss Boatwright.
If I tell you I didn't, David, that's what I mean.
But, Miss Boatwright, you--
Come, I'll take you home.
I'll walk...
Don't pout now, David, it's a long trip.
Hello, David...
If they heard me sing like this up North I'd be richer than the man I sharecrop for.
You know, one time by mistake I went into a white church down in Row County and to this day I don't know how'n the devil I got outta that church alive.
They probly thought you was crazy.
I guess so -- but I went home and did me some praying to the Lord. I said, Lord, I went into this white church down in Row and all I want you to tell me is how I ever got outta there in one piece.
What did the Lord tell you, Ike?
Hi ya doin' there, Ike?
Any time it's Saturday and I don't hafta do any work, I'm doin' okay!
Whatcha got there?
Seems this piece of mail came to Mr. Howard's place this mornin' and he had me to bring it over here.
Well, let me have it.
Don't take all day at that table, David Lee.
Mama, when kin me and Earl go to school with David Lee?
Mama, why did they take Daddy away?
Because he cared so damn much about you and me, child.
Is he gon' be gone long?
Mama, what was we laughin' for?
Rebecca, you jest the one I wanta see.
That's one dollar an' twenty cents.
I wanta get some things.
I hope it ain't a lot,'cause I can't give you no more credit till the croppin' season gits back, that is if Na--
I didn't say nothin' 'bout credit, Mr. Howard.
Whatcha wanta order?
Dammit, I'm talkin' to you, woman! I gotta farm to think about and I need answers.
Hi ya, Rebecca...
Tired.
Somebody told me Nathan was back. How is he?
Night, son!
I bet you could use a hot cup of coffee, Nathan Lee.
The boy done went into my walnuts! I skin my fingers to the bone to pick two pounds that's worth almost nothing at the commissary and he done took almost half of what I pick!
We been through these off-seasons before -- we made it.
Good mornin', Nathan.
Mornin'...
You ready to eat?
How's the weather out there?
Little chilly.
If there ever was a devil in this county, Ike, you is it!
The most important thing is that you're home! We was gonna have cold eatin' tonight, 'cause of the heat, but now, I'm goin' to cook!
What did he want?
To invite you to his house -- the two of you could just sit under the shade tree, drink ice cold whiskey, and just shoot the breeze!
Well, let's get to work!
You sure you feel up to it, Nathan?
This done happen before. It ain't nothin' -- I just have to wait a minute or two.
Is there something I can do to help you?
There, you see?
I see, all right -- It's time for us to get out of this field.
I just got out here!
Where you goin'!?
To the commissary to get this boy some clothes! I'm gon' get everybody somethin'!
But, Nathan--
No, I ain't got no word yet, Rebecca. I went to the courthouse yesterday to see 'bout it, but they just won't tell me nothin' about what labor camp Nathan was sent to. I'm sorry, Rebecca.
It's a shame, Reverend. It's a damn shame.
I hope you don't take to bitterness, Sister Morgan. I tell you like I tell all the women in this church who got the same trouble you got. No matter what the trial or what the misery is, I tell 'em to stay with God.
Yeah, he'll crawl into my bed tonight, lie close to my body and keep me warm -- and rectify the evil in the men who live over us in this valley.
It's not that simple, Sister Rebecca -- the Lord works in mysterious ways -- we come into this life with nothin' and we'll leave it with nothing.
Howya do, Rebecca. I sorta been expectin' you this mornin'.
I wanta see Nathan.
I wish I could, Rebecca, but I can't let you.
I don't understand that, Sheriff Young.
It's the rules and I gotta follow 'em. No visitin' 'cept holidays and Sunday -- and no womenfolk anytime.
You mean to tell me I can't see my own husband?
That's the way they do things here in Landsdown. I just follow orders.
I got to see my husband, Sheriff Young!
I'd like to help you, Rebecca. But all that would do, is git us both in trouble.
Will they give him a trial?
Shore thing -- next week sometime, and as soon as I git the day, I'll ride out and let you know 'bout it.
What...
Behold my glory.
What... are you?
The clitoris?! I DID IT!! I FOUND THE CLITORIS!!
Stan, your friends need you. They are in trouble and you must help them.
Wait, you're supposed to tell me how to get Wendy to like me.
There are more important matters right now...
NO WAY, DUDE! I'VE LOOKED ALL OVER FOR YOU, AND NOW YOU HAVE TO TELL ME HOW TO GET WENDY TO LIKE ME!!
Dude, she's eight years old, just get her some ice cream or something.
Of COURSE!! Ice cream!!
Oh but OF COURSE children are going to see it!!
Uh, can I finish? Can I finish? ...The fact is that we Canadians are quite surprised by your outrage-
YOU JUST DON'T CARE!
Can I finish? Hello? Can I finish? ...The United States has graphic images of violence on television all the time, what is that one show? COPS? And car crashes caught on tape? We can't believe that a movie with some foul language and fart jokes would piss you off so much.
BECAUSE IT'S EVIL!!
What?
Patient 453 here has been fitted with the new v-chip...
My head hurts.
Don't worry about that. Now, I want you to say 'Doggy.'
Doggy.
Notice that nothing happens. Now say 'Montana.'
Montana.
Good. Now 'Pillow'.
Pillow.
OW!! That HURT GOD DAMMI-
OW!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!! THIS ISN'T FAIR!!! YOU SONS A BITCHE--
Well, anyway... Today children, our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us all about the environment.
That's right, Mr. Garrison. The environment is what surrounds us. It is what we live and breathe.
Eric! Did you just say the "F" word?
Why the fuck not?
Fuckin' a right.
How would you like to go to the principal's office?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!
Dude!
Come on, you guys... We have to THINK!
About what?
To free Terrance and Phillip.
But you guys... It's Salisbury steak.
What is this?
They're burning all the Canadian stuff cause of the war.
-no Cheesy Poofs.
<b>And my mom has become so bu-sy that she's raising heck and ignoring me I agree that there is now a battle to be won! Something must be done!</b>
Is it Cartman's mom?
Oh, son of a bitch! AAGHGH!! I mean, son of a biscuit!
What?
Fuck that! AGAGH!!
Holy shit Cartman! What was that?!
Dude, this is seriously lame. I didn't know we were gonna get all dirty and stuff.
Cartman, over zere, is the electrical box. You must sneak over zere and shut it off before I return with Terrance and Phillip or the alarms will sound and I will be shot full of holes. Got it?
Okay.
You MUST shut off the power, this is VERY IMPORTANT do you understa-
Ze alarms! Zey went off!
Aw, screw it. It probably isn't all that good anyway.
Cartman! What the hell are you talking about?! You LOVE Terrance and Philiip!
How come Terrance and Phillip are so weird looking?
Cuz, dummy they're Canadian, just like Ike!
Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
Suck my balls.
Dude, how can you hate the environment?
I can't dude! We all took a sacred oath, and swore ourselves to secrecy!
Man, that movie gets better every time I see it!
I bet him he couldn't do it... I bet him a hundred dollars!
Come on, Cartman. It's not your fault.
No, I know. I'm just fucking STOKED I don't have to pay him!
I can't believe he's dead.
Who the hell made up that law?!
But they fucking didn't do anything wrong!
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!
Hey Cartman.
What?
You know, me and Stan were just talking about what a fat fucking hunk o' fat fuck you are.
This is all cause of your mom, Kyle. She's such a bitch- AGH!! I mean - she's such a... meanie.
Come on, just get to the message board!
Bingo. Okay, here we go... Want to help Terrance and Phillip? Meet us for a meeting at Gladdy's barn tomorrow night...
Tell 'em we'll have pie and punch.
We're not gonna have pie and punch!
More people will come if they think there'll be pie and punch!
You're late, Cartman!
I had to ride my bike here. My behind is killing me.
Your behind?
I have to say 'behind'! I get shocked if I say 'ass- OW!!!
Did you bring the pie and punch?
I know Cartman, I know. I see Kenny every day.
YOU DO?!
You guys! Seriously! You guys!
What Cartman?!
Cartman?!
CARTMAN!
Mph rmpmh rm.
Mph rmph rm!!
No you can't Kenny!
Mph rm rmph!!
Okay Kenny, I'll bet you a HUNDRED DOLLARS you can't light a fart on fire!
GO AWAY, KENNY! IT'S NOT MY GOSH DARN FAULT!
Mph rmprmmh rm!!
I don't have proofs of purchases from Snacky Smores, Kenny!
MPH RMPH RMPH RMPH RM!!!
Mrphmmmph!!!
Look, Eric it's your little friends.
Eric! Don't talk to Ms. Brovlofski that way!
Goodnight, honey.
Mom... When is the war gonna be over?
I don't know honey. Soon we hope. You want it to end quickly, huh?
Oh, I don't care, I was just asking cuz all my favorite TV shows have been replaced by news and it's pissing me off.
Mom...
Yes, hon?
If you went down on a horse... You'd tell me, right?
Eric?! Eric, what is it?!
Oh you poor dear. You've been through so much...
Ugh... You guys, seriously... I'm having Cheesy Poof withdrawal...
You've got a stupid accent too.
Eric, that is not appropriate.
What? Fuck French people. Fuck 'em in the ear.
Mkay.
So you see, the point and the theme of the film is kept intact. And of course, the MPAA didn't cut out any of the graphic violence. What did you think?
Oh man, I'm gonna need a cherry pie to get the taste of ass out of my mouth from that piece of shit movie.
Eric, you're not watching your mouth!
You get me Cheesy Poofs with the delightful cheddar crunch, and I'll watch my fucking mouth!
Eric!!!! You need to be rehabilitated. Help me to help you!
Help yourself prickfuck!
Thank God, that sucked ass.
Uh, except for you Eric. I'm afraid you need to work more on not saying the F word and the N word.
The N word?
Norwegian Ass Raper.
Oh yeah.
Wendy, Mkay, if you want to start getting political, I'll throw your skinny little butt right back into rehab. Mkay?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT GRADUATE ME?! DOES THAT MEAN I HAVE TO STAY HERE?!
What?
You bastards.
What was that word, young man!?
Oh, he said rim job. It's when someone licks your ass for-
Kyle?!
We can't, we're on a hunger strike.
Ha! Is the Pope Catholic?
I don't know.
What's going on, Chef?
Look at that!
Hello there, children!!
Hey, Chef.
What's the secret to making a woman happy?
Oh that's easy, you just gotta find the clitoris.
Oops, I guess you haven't got that far in your anatomy class, huh?
Chef, what does it mean that we're at war?
Who are you, kid?
Viva la Resistance.
Oh no, it's that kid.
May I?
WE'RE going! WE started La Resistance to save Terrance and Phillip! We're going!
Purpre mama!
Donkey raping shit eater.
Ber dada!
Get out of here Ike, you're too young for this stuff!
You stay up here in the attic, Ike. Don't make any noises or nothing, okay?
Uhh...
Yes I am!
MMMMMPHPHPHPHP!!!!!
I am Satan. I am your God, now.
What are you doing?! Get on with your misery!
Mph rmph rm rmph rm?
Him? I don't know... He can be nice... sometimes.
Mph rmph rm rmph rm.
What do you mean?! I could leave him if I wanted to!
Mph rmph rm!
Mph mph.
Very well, then. I will put an end to the war as your wish and make everything as it was before the war started. But you Kenny, must remain dead.
Hey, relax Satan. Don't get all worked up. You're gonna give yourself an ulcer again.
Mrph mprph!!
What? What do you mean you don't belong here? Relax guy, hell is for children.
Mrph mprhm mm rmph!
Mph rmph rm rmph rmph rm!
Mrph?
Kyle, you take your little brother out to play with you!
Aw, ma!!
Terrance and Phillip, you are under arrest for working in America without the proper documents! WE GOT YOU!
Boys, we have to have a difficult discussion.
What's that?
No... The General is right.
MOM!!!
YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!
Who is it?
Uhh... I'm here for La Resistance.
What's the password?
Uhh... I don't know.
Guess.
Uhh... Bacon.
SHIT!
So... We must free more Canadian prizoners?
Yeah, I guess.
Oh my God...
Do you see them? Do you see Terrance and Phillip?
No. Zey must have zem inside. We will have to dig.
That's gonna take a long time!
Dude, we don't have watches.
What's a butfor?
Now listen carefully. Stan and Kyle, you stand watch here and await my return. If any guards come by, make a sound like a dying giraffe.
What's a dying giraffe sound like?
Gwpaapa. Gwpaapa.
Be careful, dude.
No! That's not Terrance or Phillip!
It's so very cold...
We can't leave without you!
It's okay, I am done for.
Hey, dudes... Aren't you supposed to go to church, Kenny?
This is terrible! This can't be happening!!
That was sweet!
<b>Thank my lucky stars Here before me now Is everything I'd ever hoped for Knew it in a word Saw it in a glance The only thing I think I'd die for...</b>
Woa, dude, who's your girlfriend's new guy?
Now remember, don't tell anybody we saw the Terrance and Phillip movie!
Nowhere.
I'VE heard them from Mr. Garrison a few times before...
Dude, anybody who doesn't think Terrance and Phillip is funny can fuck off anyways.
OH MY GOD!! YOU KILLED KENNY!!
Oh my God! THEY killed Kenny!
How can they do this?
Dude, our moms arrested Terrance and Phillip!
Dude, let's help Terrance and Phillip!!
What? What don't I get? What don't I get?
I don't know, dude.
That British dickhole is what's taking Wendy away from me!
I thought she wasn't your girlfriend, dude.
Wow, dude. Wendy could really give a rats ass about you.
I bet she would if my name was GREGORY!!
Hey, Cartman, did they put that V-chip in your head or your ass?
Whoa! What the hell was that?!
This is sweet!!
I'm so sick of these soldiers.
Does it say what the clitoris is?
All it says is that it's above the vulva... But where the hell is the vulva?
It's only a matter of time before my mom has HIM burned too!
I don't know. But it has gone far enough! I'm sick of it! <b>Something must be done! Change has got to come around! They're taking all our laughter and burning it to the ground! Can't you see what this is leading to? A world of chains and ties and glue! We have to fight before they've taken every one! Something must be done!</b>
Okay... I just need to find a few private message boards...
Wait! Before we put a message out, do a search on the word 'clitoris'.
"Found Eight Million Pages With the Word Clitoris"!
Wow!
Dude, do you know what you're doing?
Wow, a lot of people showed up.
Yeah, so what do we say?
I thought you had something planned.
Oh, brother.
Stan!
Dude, I found the clitoris! I think I can get Wendy to like me now!
WHAT?
Thank you, Kenny.
Whew, I'm sure glad that's over.
Mom, I'm a man. Just a man. And I'm going to have fun with profanity just like you and dad did when you were little.
Oh dear God...
I knew this would happen! Those bastard Canadians have now killed a child! Can't people see the damage that film is doing?!
Sheila, you're going to far! Those are YOUR children!
Oh Lord, what have we done...?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?! We need to stop the not pretty things from letting our children be born in hospitals!
Shiteater-
My fellow Americans. I have led this fight in the War against profanity. I have founded Mothers Against Canada. Our neighbor to the north has abused us for the last time.
As Commander in chief, I have ordered our Army to set up defensive positions along the US-Canada border in anticipation of an attack.
What about air strikes?
Huh?
We have to have air strikes on their military and entertainment centers. It's the only way to ensure that their smut can't reach American soil!
Oh, uh... I don't know if air strikes are necessary.
Ma'am, we're tracking a resistance... It's probably Canadian spies!!
Well find out where that signal is coming from! Then hunt them down like dogs! Any and all Canadian influence must be stopped at all cost!
And Bill?
Yes?
I'm needing lunch.
You're all part of Satan's army now!
I am the dark master!
Oh no you don't! This is MY fight!! I don't need your help, Alan Dershwitz!
SILENCE! I AM SATAN!
Oh.
Yes... And in doing so, you brought enough anger and intolerance to the world to allow my coming.
And I thought my mother was the master of guilt. Geez Louise.
SILENCE!!! NOW!!! EVERYONE BOW DOWN TO ME!!!
What did my son say, Principal Victoria? Did he say the S word?
No, it was worse than that...
The F word?!
Terrance and Phillip MOVIE?! Oy gevalt! Not again!
What is Terrance and Phillip?
Terrance and Phillip are two VERY untalented, unfunny actors from Canada. Their TV show is filled with toilet humor and bad language and is just complete garbage. Now it appears they have a movie and I'm positive it's not suitable for children!
We must take action on this immediately.
Ooh yes. I think we'll have to give detention to those boys.
Article 42! You don't mean-?!
Yes Principal Victoria. The PTA is impeaching you.
But I-
Uh, we're just, starting our program...
How is the children's progress?
Very encouraging. Most of the children have been weened from their naughty mouths.
What do you mean MOST, why not ALL?
Well, some of the children just don't respond to 12 step programs.
Mrs. Brovlofski, the V-chip hasn't been fully tested yet, it could be dangerous.
I don't care if it's dangerous! Desperate times call for desperate measures, Mr. Mackey. Perhaps I need to remind you of your situation.
What?! Why would you call me a pigfucker?!
Well, let's see... First of all, you fuck pigs.
Well, fuck my ass and call me a bitch, I just got a letter!
It's from your mother.
My mother sent YOU a letter? What's it say?
You'd fuck your uncle!
YOU'D fuck your uncle!
<b>Shut your fucking face, Unclefucka!! You're an asslicking, Ball sucking Unclefucka!! You're an Unclefucka, yes it's true Nobody fucks Uncles quite like you-</b>
Well, Terrance I hope you learned something from this whole experience.
Say Phillip, want to see the Northern Lights?
HA HA HA! You burned yourself to death by lighting the fart! HA HA HA!!
Hello, Conan!
Good one, Phillip! Cheers.
Phillip, we've been tricked and ambushed by The Conan O'Brian Show!!
This little scrotum sucker willfully deceived us! You are a bad man!
Fight the power!
The young boy that died lit himself on fire. It was unfortunate, but how can they blame US?
The problem is you don't allow your children to think for themselves. You try to raise them in a protective bubble, and then when they finally get old enough, they realize they've been lied to, and they resent you for it.
Oh, you are such a maroon!
Oh, Phillip. This cannot be good.
Phillip, this is worse than that trip to Quebec City when I fell asleep in that disco.
What's going on Terrance?
Did you hear that, Terrance? I farted!
AGH!
You're quite a purveyor of filth, little boy!
Oh, a new recruit, huh? Welcome to hell, kid! Relax! Take a load off!!
Saddam, would you let me do my job please!
Well of COURSE he wants out of hell! The whole POINT of hell is that you don't WANT to be here!
I don't see why you have to belittle me in front of people like that.
Hey, relax guy. It's just a cruel joke. Rich, chocolatey Snacky Smores are only available up on Earth. He'll never get 'em, see?
Sometimes I just think you don't have any respect for me.
Who's my cream puff?
You just get cranky when you're tired, that's all. I told you that you shouldn't have tried to carry that futon all by yourself.
It has come to be... The Four Horsemen are drawing nigh! The time of the prophecy is upon us!
Oh I love when you get all biblical Satan. You know exactly how to turn my crank!
Yeah! YEAH!!! Man I'm getting so HOT!!!
Do you always think about sex? I'm talking about some very important stuff here!
Listen buttercup, let's make love and forget about the whole thing.
You know I do.
I know.
What did you do today Satan?
You don't care.
Hey fella! Relax! This whole armageddon thing has got you all stressed out. Let's make love.
Do you remember when you first got here? We used to talk all night long. Until the sun came up... We would just lie in bed and TALK.
That's because I wanted to fuck you, dumbass! Now hows aboot you get those pants down!
Don't call me dumb!
This is the millennium, Saddam! This is Armageddon! There's more to life than sex!
Hey, relax guy!
Well I just want you to be impressed with what I <u>do</u>. I want you to respect my MIND.
<b>What if I, don't wanna put out? That's all you ever say Relax put out I'm a living creature, I have feelings too, I don't need this abuse from you-</b>
What if I just left?
Hey, I'm missing the party!
I TOLD you not to make that deal, Saddam!
No, Saddam. You made a deal. You can't just renege on a deal. That's lying.
Help you? You've destroyed my life and now you want me to help you?! You're always making me feel like a piece of shit.
Come on guy, you know I only rib you because I love you so much!
If you love somebody then you treat them with respect! You've never respected me!
Can we talk about this later? Everyone is watching!
Ow, you're hurting me!
Now do what I say and keep your fucking mouth shut!
We saw the Terrance and Phillip movie!
Did you see that, Wendy?
Didn't you think it was funny, Wendy?
Stan... I think you and I need some time apart.
Yeah!
What the hell are you talking about, kid?
Hi Wendy.
NAZIS!!
What's the matter, Wendy?
Nothing, Stan. You wouldn't understand.
Wendy?
Stan! Stan are you okay?!
Wendy... How would you like to go get some ice cream?
Sure, Stan! How did you know I loved ice cream?
My friend the clitoris told me.
Wow, I have a clitoris too.
Stan, I never cared for Gregory.
You didn't?
No, dude. Fuck him. Fuck him in the ear.
Cool!
<b>Thank my lucky stars Here before me now Is everything I'd ever hoped for-</b>
What is it?
Bedrock! I cannot dig any further in zis direction!
You don't have watches?
Dude, you didn't say anything about watches.
Got it.
And ze rope?
Check.
Oh my God, what is he doing?
Will you two please stop it! I don't want to spend my final hours listening to you bitch!
Getting drunk is no solution.
I think we're moving.
I never though I'd be stuck in a wine closet with Warren Wayne.
Oh Warren...oh Warren...take me, God take me...
Oh yeah...
Oh yeah...
Oh Sara...
Anna...
Jesus, come on!
Evening.
It can't be.
Excuse me?
Uh, yes I am. And you are?
Anna Koros. She sensually extends her hand, Warren shakes it -
Koros, as in...Koros? Dimitri Koros?
My grandfather. My God, I can't tell you what a fan I am of yours! You were magnificent in Deadly Gamble.
Oh, thank you.
Magnificent, magnificent.
Well I appreciate that.
So, what brings you out here? Pleasure cruise?
Well a little business too. In my upcoming project Star Trackers I play a ship's captain, and I really wanted to get a feel for the outer space experience. I feel it will add more credibility to my performance.
Of course, of course...
So...
Well I guess we're neighbors for this trip.
Well, so we are. Sure is beautiful, huh?
Well, it was nice meeting you. Enjoy the rest of the trip.
No, I think hygiene is important. It helps you get into the part.
Where the hell did you come from?
Weren't you down in the dining room?
I was there. Officer Taylor accessed my CPU directly to open the airlock doors. They are not functioning properly.
Yes he did. Yes he did. Barnes looks at the monitor - Taylor and the others are still in the dining room -
You didn't do anything to the monitors, did you Mac?
And what are they doing now, Mac?
Were you going to give it to them?
I am here to provide service to... to all our guests. There is a high level of passenger dissatisfaction. It is my duty...to report this.
On channel 10?
Mac, you really earned your wings this flight.
I am here to provide service to... to all our guests. There is a high level of passenger dissatisfaction. It is my duty...to report this.
I hear you Mac and I appreciate it. Frankly I don't know what I'd have done without you on this one.
There is a high level...of passenger dissatisfaction.
Why should she, it's her fault. All guests are told not to eat in zero gravity, but she just wanted to have fun I guess, didn't realize what a grain of salt can do to sophisticated machinery.
Well, I guess she figures she's paying for it.
What did you say to me?
It's a little late for you to be up.
All too well, captain.
Well I guess there's no time like the present. I'll go run a check on that room, just to show we go that extra mile for our guests.
No, I just ran it! Why are you running it again?
It's telling me fail mode confirmed. Did you see this?
There must be some mistake. You sure you hit the right commands?
Yes I'm sure I hit the right commands.
You're certain of that?
Trust me. Even checked 'em with my own eyes.
Well, everything's running smoother than a baby's ass.
So, are you on for the next one?
I don't know. Everything's up in the air at this point, no pun intended.
Why, didn't they say?
Well that hotel begins construction in January, there's going to be a lot of shuttle work.
You want to go back to shuttle work?
You gotta think of your old age.
That's very pragmatic of you, Barnes.
Man, I'm hungry. I'm going to call the steward, you want anything?.
What, and leave you here all by your lonesome?
I think I can handle it.
Well, maybe I will. You sure you don't want anything?
No. I'm all set. Thanks.
Well, maybe I'll surprise you.
Bridge! Can anyone hear me?!
If anyone can hear me please respond!
Barnes, can you hear me, are you all right?
Why yes Ryan, I am, and thanks for asking. You don't have to talk to the intercom, I can hear you fine.
The bridge is fine, Taylor, how are things down there?
Transmit the code 3 emergency and take us offline. Override the airlock sensors and hurry! We're running out of time, we have to get to the pods!
Much as I'd like to help you and our valued guests, I'm afraid I can't.
What are you talking about! Can you transmit the code 3 -
Now do you want the good news first or the bad news?
You better start making sense!
Ok, I will. The bad news is the ship is history. Life support will last another 36 hours, maybe.
Then we've got to get to the lifepods!
It's still not going to work! They'll detect you upon re-entry in an emergency vessel!
Uh, that's an affirmative, Roger Wilco. Please proceed.
We have the codes here. How do you want to receive them?
That was a joke Taylor, lighten up! Why don't you just hold them up to the lens. I'll write them down, and once I'm through verifying them, I'll get back to you.
Mac, can you hear me? Come in?
I don't know what you're talking about!
Look we gave you what you asked for. It checks out didn't it?! What more do you want from us!
I told you not to try anything smart! I guess you're too much of a maverick to follow a simple order! And that's just too bad for all of you now, isn't it?
Idiot...
Barnes?
That's me.
Break it down to me, what's going on?
Seems like they're cooperating. Hopefully I'll be out of here and on my way very soon.
Well don't drag your ass. There won't be much of a window for us to link up. We'll be in your orbit trajectory in less than two hours.
Yeah, I know Bill, I came up with the plan remember? Just have those hangar doors open and ready, I can take it from there.
Will do. What about the distress signal?
Well that's your call. Doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me. Just as long as I get my cut.
Oh you'll get it, believe me. So I'll see you in a few.
It's time we lock coordinates.
So, what are we waiting for?
Cool your jets...I'm doing a little damage control.
You're not helping my heart condition any, Barnes! Now just what the hell are you dragging your ass for?
This ship is going down in a blaze of glory!
Well blaze your ass out of there! You've completely altered your trajectory, are we linking up or not?!
Well if you knew it then why did set your thrusters on before making the calculation?
I told you, I had to teach a few people a lesson!
Goddamn it Barnes this really steams my onions!
Now I got enough air and supplies to make another complete orbit in the pod! You're just gonna have to pick me up later.
Is that clear?
That's clear.
Good. Now you'll hear from me when I have the new coordinates. In the meantime don't bug me.
Sheesh! Aye aye cap'n!
Look at this...Jesus.
Yeah, I guess money don't buy class.
No. But it buys a lot of other things.
Like that piece of ass he was with.
Well...I don't mind. I can put up with it. I'm taking six months off after this, and I won't have to deal with people snapping their fingers at me.
Well, more power to you. Me, I start to bug out after too much time out here.
What's the use...we're gonna die...
We're going to die.
It's getting hard to breathe...
Oh right, right you're on that research grant.
That's right.
Ryan Taylor, first mate. Welcome aboard. First time in space?
Yes. Theoretical discoveries aside, there's nothing like the real thing. How about you?
So you were looking for a new challenge.
Well, let me put it this way. Most of the cost is due to safety reasons. Most people are not familiar with space travel, so we have to take extra precautions in the event they do something careless.
Like open an airlock by mistake?
Well I don't think there's a chance of that happening. It's usually the moon walks. Sometimes you feel like a kindergarten teacher.
Well I hope I don't do anything careless.
I'm sure you'll be all right.
Actually I've logged about 200 hours of simulated space walking at the institute, mostly related to starship construction.
Really?
What are we going to do?
We don't.
Well maybe there's a way out of here.
Given a malfunction, how would a rescue team get you out if the doors won't open?
Probably come through the wall I suppose.
I don't think you know what you're talking about. Besides, what could we use for tools? A steak knife? A corkscrew?
Supposing we could get out of this room? Is there anything we could do to reach the bridge?
It depends on the condition of the ship. If I could get to one of the suit compartments I could check the exterior air locks for a possible entry.
Can't we access the mainframe to check the ship's condition?
OK...it's open.
Seen one like it before?
Sure. It complies with all standard construction codes.
Damn it. If only we could get to those suits... Dawn then thinks of something -
Why can't we?
And suppose you couldn't hold out?
We could send Mac. If he can retrieve one suit, we could go back for the other.
He certainly is polite.
It must be oxygenated if we can hear him.
If I could get to the bridge I could send the distress signal.
Everyone just stay put.
I can't let you do that.
Look I know what I'm doing. I have experience and training in space walking.
I don't know what we're facing.
Are you ready?
Yeah. We did it.
You're ready for the real thing?
Be careful, you don't want to puncture the suit.
Explosive?
Taylor?
Yeah?
Well, Dawn, I'm an optimist by nature.
Do you want some advice?
Sure.
Don't worry about what will happen, just concentrate on what is happening. You'll live longer.
Dawn! Dawn!
I guess I owe you a debt of gratitude. You saved my life.
Oh my God. What happened?
What's that?
A schematic of the ship. Looking for a lifeline to the pods.
We don't have enough suits to get the others out.
Take this flare.
A flare? A flare won't do it.
A little dab'll do ya. Now you know how to get there, right?
I'm not going with you.
What? What are you talking about?
And what are you going to do?!
I'm going to try and buy you some time. I can get to the bridge from here.
But how are you going to escape?
Don't worry about me. There's still a chance I can issue a distress signal.
But you can't be sure! It's suicide. You have to come with us!
I will once I get past the bulkhead. Good luck.
Dawn. Come in.
I'm in the bridge.
He's out of the equation. Talk to me.
I'm about to blow the wall.
Hurry. You have to get them out of there!
Uh, it's ok, everything's going to be ok...now I'm counting on you, and whatever you do keep calm, we don't want them to panic.
I'll do my best.
So what's going to happen to you?
I'm staying with the ship. I'll be all right. Now hurry.
Thanks for everything, Taylor. Will I see you again?
Hopefully sooner than later.
Sooner than later.
What the hell are you doing?
We have room! Let's go!
What do you mean? What happened!
So close...
I never thought this would happen. No premonitions, nothing.
It did. It is. There's nothing we can do about that.
Will you marry me?
Marry you?
I would, but no one can perform the ceremony. I guess it doesn't matter.
In that case, I accept.
Right now it's about 8 o'clock at home. People are going to work, kids are going to school...
What is it?!
I'm fine.
Congratulations on your...recent award.
Thank you.
Is there anything I can help you with?
No, just enjoying the view.
Well, there's no better to way to see the world, than with us.
So I've been told.
Yes Mac, but the guests are requesting it. It will reduce the level of negative feedback.
What is happening around here!!!
There's no time to explain. Get everyone together! We found a way to the pods!
Where's Taylor?
Carlo!
I'm going back for Taylor!
I'm homesick.
Homesick? It's only been two days!
We should have gone to Nassau. At least we could go swimming, lie on the beach.
Ah hell we can always do that. Listen believe me, once we get to the moon, your tone is going to change.
How is it going to be different from this? Go see some boring footprint under glass?
Look around you baby, we're rubbing elbows with royalty, oil sheiks, this is class. You'll be envied by everyone.
I guess so.
Oh no...I think there's carrots in here...
Well now what are we gonna do!
How am I supposed to know?
You're Delbert Miles! You have more clout than some whacked out pilot! Talk to him!
It's getting too cold in here. I can't stand this anymore!
Baby, take it easy.
Look. We're talking about life and death here. I don't know why we're even having this conversation.
You're gonna give him those bank codes, you know why? Because I'm telling you to, that's why. I'm not losing my life over some greedy pig.
I haven't quite made up my mind yet.
Again with the orders from you! You got a Napoleon complex chief, and I'm getting sick of it!
I tell you, something's not right here. How do we know they're not going to use the pod for themselves?
Because, Taylor wouldn't do that, that's why.
What the hell is that?
Officer Taylor, how are you this evening?
Mac, I have a favor to ask you. Mac looks at Taylor -
Certainly. If you need anything, please feel free to ask me. Just a reminder we have fabulous cuisine available --
Yes I know all that. Mac, I need you to help us out with a little technical problem.
Certainly. I have a full working knowledge of the ships operations.
I need you to actually do something for me. I need to access your CPU, directly.
That will not be necessary. You can simply speak to me. I understand most languages fluently.
Yeah but the ship's mainframe doesn't. I need you to tell it something.
Alteration of my central processing unit should be done only by an authorized service dealer.
Now Mac, can you tell me the status of this deck?
But the corridor outside this door is open, correct?
Mac, what about the suit compartments on this level? Can they be accessed?
Ok Mac... I'll talk to you on this. I want to find a way to get to the bridge, then I want you to come back.
How is it looking, Mac?
Is it safe for human transport?
I'm an addict. I can't go through a day without the stuff. Theo reaches over and pours for him with a steady hand.
You're not from around here, are you?
I'm looking for a man.
What kind of man?
99 years, 241 days, 15 hours, and 20 minutes of no bowling. Alfie shuffles up to the self-serve island and begins wiping it down.
Find your bowler?
Yeah, but it didn't go so good. He wasn't the man I thought he'd be. Theo is trying to affix the lid on his cup, but his hands are trembling, spilling some of the coffee.
My father used to say to me "Never..." no, hmmm. "Always..." No, no... Ah! Love and hate are blood relations.
Did you hear about that bowler who got smeared? I saw them pull a body bag out of the alley. I heard he was kacked but good. They had to take apart the pin machine to get him out.
The pin machine?
You a mini-golfer?
Nope.
Paradise, huh? Might be one of the new putt-putts off route 99. Theo turns to leave.
Can I get you something for the road?
You have orange whips?
Orange who? Not from 'round here, are ya?
Where can I find Buzz Fazeli?
Whoa, cool your maples. Over the bridge, past the Peter Pan, last house on the dead end. Theo releases Sid's hand. Sid drops to his knees and cradles his damaged hand.
Haven't seen a ball like that since '69.
I don't know no Buzz Fazeli.
Hey, cut it out Sid, that tickles. I'm serious! You guys are related, right?
Heh, heh, heh.
Sorry about your loss.
After we ID, we bury the body. Case and casket closed.
You tried to make it look like Junior trashed his place. Junior's underground in that coffin you dicks put him in.
Hey, ain't I seen you on the tour?
Fazeli...I don't know no Buzz Fazeli.
Yeah, basement bingo.
Ah, come on, lemme see your ball.
Three whips. To go.
Hey, you still here?
Buzz, Mr. Kastle wants to talk to you.
Look, Faz, Mr. Kastle was not his usual charismatic self today when he told us to tell you... What was that he said...?
I remember, Sid! Mr. Kastle says he don't like no sticky fingers in the till.
Your pop said to put these on his tab. Sid gets up and jerks his thumb towards the door.
Bowling used to be so pure, so...All- American. Breeze sings along with Caruso and pretends to conduct.
La da da dalala...
I hate fuckin' opera.
How could you hate opera, Sid? Opera has all the drama and excitement of real life - to music!
How do you know, you don't even speak Latin?
You listen to the feelings, not the words.
You got an 8-track tape player on purpose, just 'cause you knew the only thing they had on 8-track was fuckin' opera.
You know, Elvis bowled.
No kiddin'.
Bowling was the most incorruptible sport. No megalomillionaires, no
gambling. And it was a safe place for kids, a place where the whole community could meet for some wholesome, clean fun.
Sure, Sid.
But not no more. Now people take advantage. Bowling ain't what it used to be. There's something evil spreading in this sport - like a big, gigantic, puss- ridden -
- canker sore.
How do you turn this thing off?
Hello Mr. Kastle. Junior, long time. I thought they locked you up and threw away the warden!
Bowling police, step back, give him room.
Did you know you were parked in the handicap space?
She told us you went after Junior to save your old man's hide. You got some balls goin' after that psycho.
Only problem is, you didn't put his lights out, you just got him mad. Then he took it out on poor Faz, God rest his soul. Theo patches out.
Think he bought it?
The Faz sure took care a her. Breeze makes a nasal GRUNT as he tries to suppress a snigger. Sid - trying to keep a straight face - elbows him. Sid and Breeze approach the coffin. Breeze pulls an orange whip out of a paper bag and carefully places it on the coffin lid.
Nectar of the bowling gods, Faz.
Yeah, and make it extra muddy, I didn't sleep a zee last night. Sheila fills a cup. Buzz lifts it to his mouth, his hands trembling.
You don't need coffee, Mr. Fazeli; you need a vacation. Sheila catches sight of Theo pulling into the parking lot. She puts a Ken head earring in her right ear. Buzz follows Sheila's gaze.
Buzz Burger, side of 'cues. You haven't introduced me to your fan.
You look like you're something on the lanes.
Theo's bowled on the tour.
What's on your mind, Miles?
We've been partners a long time now, haven't we Buzz?
This scam we got going here was your
brainstorm, Buzz. I admit, I thought it was a rotten idea, but I put up the scratch. And now we got a beautiful thing.
It's a beautiful thing.
And look at that; both partners go down together. Kastle shoves the sculpture onto the floor, stands up, and crushes it under his heel. He goes over and puts his arm around Buzz.
Simple math, Buzz. Two plus two does not equal three.
Miles, I've always been on the square with you.
I'm sure you have Buzz.
Buzz Fazeli.
Theo.
I know your face, you're an up-and-comer. You bowl on the tour.
I'm not on the tour this year.
Need some advice, huh.
Well, Mr. Fazeli, the Bowling Congress says I'm a thorn in their side.
I got suspended when I was young, too. I was pretty cocky in my day.
They suspended me for 100 years.
100 years!
I can appeal in five. I was hoping you could help me Mr. Fazeli.
What do you think I can do?
I need a sponsor to get my sanction card back. Where I come from, you're the king.
Sure, around here, any fat old bald guy could be king. I'm nothing. It wouldn't do any good for me to talk to the Congress. Hey, you thirsty? You like orange whips?
Remember the finals in Akron in '59? You had a seven-ten split in the final frame.
Yeah, against that prick VanDeMark.
Ten thousand to one, but you pegged it. The toughest shot on the last frame.
That game was before you was born.
Orange whip, nectar of the bowling gods. Thanks sweetie. Millie turns the tray so that Buzz takes the untainted whip. Theo takes the other glass.
Where'd you get this ball?
It's mine.
Who gave it to you?
Grace Skinner.
Grace Skinner. Who's Grace Skinner to you?
Who are you? Who sent you here?
I don't know no Grace Skinner.
You're a bullshit artist, that's what you are. You got no right to be here! Theo yanks the trophy away from Buzz.
I got a right. You're my father.
Millie left to stay with her sister in Ronkonkoma.
You know what a mixer ball is? It's like you, you come out of nowhere and upset things, scattering everything all over. Buzz grumpily waves at him to sit.
What are you doing over at the lanes that's so dangerous, Buzz?
You shouldn't listen to her, she's a nervous old Nellie.
She thinks someone's trying to kill you.
Theo.
Watch out for that one. She's got a great average, but she's looking for a prince. And, believe me, she's
kissed a lotta tadpoles. Listen, I been thinking about your problem. I'm not the guy to sponsor you. It would be unethical. But, there is something I could do for you. Putt-putt golf.
It's the next level, the next dimension... ...the small ball.
The small ball.
It's gonna be bigger than big. Think Europe. Think Asia. They don't have room for real golf courses in Japan.
Not for me. Miniature golf's for pansies.
If the Japanese are pansies, then pansies are my kind of people. Sheila steps over to the booth with their food. The Buzz Burger has three holes cut in the middle to make it look like a bowling ball. Buzz sees the two sleazeballs park their car and walk towards the diner.
What the fuck is this?
What's it look like to you?
I do what I gotta do to survive.
You have no right to call yourself a bowler. Buzz slaps Theo in the face.
I'm more of a bowler than you'll ever be. I deal with my own shit. I ain't asking anyone to bail me out.
I'm your blood.
What makes you so sure it was me? She coulda had lotsa bowlers! Theo rushes Buzz and grabs his arm. The two men struggle for the pin.
Don't say that about my mom!
I had a career. She wanted a little bowler of her own. Sid and Breeze leap into the fray, prying the two men apart. They wrestle Theo against a wall, pressing his face into the tiles.
Fuck you and fuck bowling.
That's a laugh. You're all strung out. You're a bowling junkie.
I don't need the stinking pro-tour.
Theo, I want you to get out of this town.
I'm getting to like it here.
Did that porcupine say he'd get you back on the tour?
I gotta survive.
He'll be a barnacle on your ass the rest of your life.
You got a better offer?
No...
Not for somebody who hit a man with his ball on national television.
That's right, Buzz, and you know when I did it? Last match, last frame. All I needed was one spare for the crown - and I get stuck with the seven-ten, the Fazeli Split.
You never even took the shot. You couldn't do it. Theo moves towards Buzz in a threatening manner.
I was beaten on a shot named after my own dad. The moment passes. Theo turns and climbs into his car. He looks up at Buzz.
Look, kid, gimme a break. I'm an old man. I'm runnin' on a Delrin aorta. I'm finished - dead from my ankles up.
We ain't married no more.
The whole world thinks you're underground.
It could just as easily have been me in that box.
I told you to get lost. You forced yourself into this mess, so the mess accommodated you. Buzz straightens out and carefully remolds the bent out of shape halo.
What about bowling?
Bowling died for me years ago. Besides, I'm a living dead legend. I'm a hero.
So, eh, you never saw me. Right?
I never saw you.
Thanks, kid. Where are you goin' now?
I'm goin' straight. No more short cuts. Theo gets into the car. Buzz leans in the open window.
Listen, if straight doesn't work out, you come work for me. Just make sure nobody's following you. Buzz's face is eerily lit by the glow of the sunset, his halo bouncing in the breeze.
I didn't mean that stuff I said. I was trying to keep you out of this muddle. I'm glad I didn't have my tubes tied. Oh, and by the way, I made a call for you before I - uh - retired. Buzz takes his card and scrawl on the back with a gold pen.
You give Ed Klein of the American Bowling Congress a call. Tell him your Maynard's boy. He's expecting you, and he owes me. He'll getcha back in like Flynn. Don't say I never gave you nothing.
Oh sure. Let everyone in. From now on I leave the door wide open. Let the parade begin!
He's the guy Buzz.
He's not the guy, Millie. Just whip the whips.
I looked in his car. He's got pictures of you, clippings, maps.
Bowlers don't go around killing other bowlers. He's only a fan, Millie. I'll give him some tips and an autograph and he's outta here.
You're in trouble, aren't you Buzz? You're doing something dangerous in that alley.
Millie, I know what I'm doing.
Son?
My poor baby!
Hello?
Hello, mom?
Theodore? Where are you? Are you alright?
I found dad.
He's dead, isn't he. Buzz Fazeli might just as well have died before you were born.
Mom, you know I had to do it. I just did it a little too late.
You sure you're OK Teddy? You're not bowling are you?
Don't tell me, John.
Cool!
Theo. Howzitgoin.
Hey man, welcome to our parking lot. Lemme give you some advice, if she asks you to dance, make sure her brother's not around. Somebody blew out Junior's pilot light, if you get my meaning.
How's that?
I was doing the lambada with her and the guy freaks, he breaks my arm, tries to kill me. I swear man, the guy thought I was a pi–ata. If nobody else hadn't a been there, he wouldn't have stopped. He woulda killed me. Fuckin' guy man, just snapped. How do you like your burger?
Uh...over easy.
I don't like to talk about it.
You're prone to violent outbursts, aren't you?
It depends.
Knock-knock.
Who's there!
Buzz Fazeli.
NO. I SAY KNOCK-KNOCK! You say who's there. I say who's there and then you say who who. You're not playing right. Knock-knock.
JUNIOR! You're supposed to say JUNIOR WHO! I'm going to have to hurt you. Theo and Junior circle one another.
You shouldn't touch her.
No, Junior, you shouldn't touch her.
Nobody touches her. Except me. I touch her. Sheila told me you played bouncy- bouncy with her.
What did your dad tell you to do to Buzz? Theo scrambles up the lane on hands and knees. Junior catches him, grabbing his ankles.
He told me to play Blue-Face with Buzz. I like games.
What did you do to Buzz?
You played bouncy-bouncy with Sheila, so I'm gonna play Blue-Face with you.
It's not so bad. When I'm alone, it feels like someone else. Sheila grabs the bottle from Junior, opens it and pours some on her shish kebab. She leans over and whispers furiously to her father.
Come on Sheila, knock-knock.
Who's there?
Junior.
Junior who?
Junior's a problem child. He has a thing about -
Come on, Junior. Everyone's waiting for you, son. The beam of light catches Junior's face. He is crouched inside the machine at lane six. Jr. His face is cut and bleeding and his straitjacket torn and filthy.
Needs lubrication. Lubrication.
We're having a party for you, boy. Cake and shish-k-bob, just like you love. Junior cringes away from the light.
I have someone for you to play with Junior.
Someone wants to play with me?
I have someone for you to play Blueface with Junior.
Weird, comes into alleys and doesn't bowl.
Someone gonna get kacked, boss?
Hey, enough fun and games. We have work to do. Come on Junior. Kastle heads for his car. Junior gets up and follows. The two sleazeballs tarry as Theo stands.
Buzz has been moving the cash out in hollow bowling pins. Sid and Breeze throw sideways glances at each other.
No!
So you're Buzz's boy. I've been expecting you. You hurt my feelings when you didn't come and see me sooner.
You know who I am?
Nobody sticks a finger into a bowling ball in this town without Miles Kastle knowing about it. You don't mind if I have a word with Theo, do you bunny? Kastle takes Theo by the elbow and pulls him away.
I heard you've been having a little trouble with the Congress. Theo pulls his eyes off Sheila. Kastle walks Theo past pairs of bowlers.
You might say I'm at the top of their shit list.
Maybe I can help you. Try a lighter ball, Penelope - you'll get hurt with that big ball, honey. I've seen tapes of you bowling on the circuit. You got Fazeli blood running through you. Your pop was a genuine talent in his day.
What's with the bad air between you two, Mr. Kastle?
That's some pinfall. Almost a 133 average. Her ball's flat, she needs to work on her spin control.
Think of this business like a big aquarium. You gotta have some sharks to eat the dirt at the bottom so the guppies can swim free at the top.
Profits down there, philanthropy up here. Besides, it beats the pants off bingo.
Nice set-up.
If it springs a leak, it'll be because Buzz is making waves.
What if he wants to get out?
Rac. R-A-C. Renovate, Automate, Computerize. That, my boy, is the future. One of the monitors shows a little girl bowling. Her ball moves so slowly it barely tips over the first pin. Kastle hits a key and the pins explode in an emphatic strike. The little girl jumps with joy.
What ever happened to just bowling?
There's a lot of competition for amusement out there. You gotta adapt to survive.
I like the sport the way it is.
A guy like you could breathe some fire into bowling. You got ambition like a...like a...blowtorch. You go for what you want and anything that gets in your way - PSSSHHT! - shish kebabs. Maybe lady fate washed you up on my doorstep for your own good. I think I could help you, Theo.
How Mr. Kastle?
You need a sponsor; I have influence. I could sponsor you.
Why would you help me?
You already have a partner Mr. Kastle. Sheila walks over as the sleazeballs' car pulls out of the driveway.
Where's Junior?
Dad, this is ridiculous. Just open it.
I bet you didn't know that you and Junior have something in common, Theo: Junior can't bowl anymore either. Isn't that right Junior? Kastle SLAMS the ketchup bottle down on Junior's right hand. The table settings jump from the shock. Junior sits impassively, his face a blank.
See! No feeling. Tell Theo what happened to your hand, Junior.
After we eat, Dad.
You're just like you mother! Always jealous!
That's why Mom ran away, because you had to control everything!
You're using Theo for your own deviant purposes!
Look who's talking!
Leave him alone!
Fantastic! What talent.
Don't go near the bowling alley.
Hello, Mr.Kastle.
Hello, Violet. How's my favorite 'bowlerina' doing?
132, 154.
I get them while they're young. Builds loyalty.
She hit it, Mr. Kastle!
I just hold it loosely with both hands?
That's right, sugar, find the grip that's right for you. Then grasp firmly. The camera weaves past a five foot pink whale with a gaping green mouth leading onto a mini-green.
Grasp firmly. Then what?
Line up where you want it.
Yeah.
Now swing it out a little to the right...
Like this?
No, no, that's too far. Try a more gentle stroke. It's all in the stroke. Go ahead, now, honey - stroke. As the camera comes around the side of the whale, we see an elderly man in a fire hydrant red sports coat and white slacks hunched over a diminutive fiftyish woman. His back is to the camera and he is wearing a baseball
Hole in one! You're the queen of stroke!
Is Mr. Fazeli in please?
Who wants to know? Zeus!
I'm a bowler.
Get that outta your mouth!
He's not here.
I'm sorry about Zeus, Millie.
This is a sign! Someone's coming to take Buzz away from me. I don't know if you're the guy or what, but I'm not letting it happen. I'm leaving him first.
I couldn't kill Buzz. I need his help. Theo helps Millie load suitcases into the trunk of her car.
Buzz Fazeli never helps anybody but himself.
He's my father, Millie.
Careful with that one. He won't tell me anything, but I know there's something strange going on over at the lanes. If you ask me, I'd say the old fart wants to die.
Where can I find him?
What's your specialty?
Whips...orange whips.
Then I'll have the number four with one of your finest whips.
How do you want it? The eggs.
Uh...over easy.
Do those two work for your dad or mine?
Do you know where they're taking him?
Here Theo, it's the Fazeli specialty; a seven-ten split. Theo looks down the lane and sees the two pins standing.
I came here to have a word with your dad.
What do you want with my dad?
Business.
Won't your father help you with that?
Having a legend for a dad isn't all it's cracked up to be.
This is a vicious cycle.
I think that a motorbike is one of the last really free things that people can do.
Isn't this technically a scooter?
When I'm on my bike I feel like a wild person. Better than any sex I've ever had.
Kinda tough on the butt.
Everything has it's drawbacks.
Where did your brother escape from?
The mental hospital.
What does he do?
He follows me, he tries to have sex with me, and then they send him to the nut-hut for a while and then he gets out and then he follows me, he tries to have sex with me, they send him to the nut-hut for a while...
Whoa.
Mind if I cut in?
You and your sideburns are the talk of the party, Theo.
The ladies in Akron call them thigh- ticklers.
Can I ask you something personal?
I'd rather you didn't.
Do you have a girlfriend?
Not while I'm in training.
Do you have a boyfriend?
No. Do You?
So this brother of yours is hazardous to the health of your dates?
Nobody in this town really understands Junior. When I went to family sessions for him I realized he was the sanest one in the family. Actually, he's the only one in this whole fucking town who knows exactly who he is and what he wants.
Unfortunately what he wants is you.
So, what about you?
Do I want you?
Theo, what would you do if you couldn't bowl?
I don't know. It's all I ever wanted to do.
I wanted to be a motocross champion. My folks didn't really care what I did. Then Junior blew a fuse and I became their last hope. Most girls get ballet stuffed down their throats, I got bowling. I never understood how anyone could take it so seriously. I hope I'm not insulting you.
No, I'm fascinated.
Why were you suspended?
I used to be kind of wild. They used to call me the bad boy of bowling.
So you're hoping Buzz can get you re- instated?
Well, that was plan A.
What's plan B?
Plan B is your dad.
What do you think my dad's gonna do for you?
He said he'd sponsor me.
Ha! And what do you have to do for him?
Nothing.
Oh really? Nothing? My dad doesn't do anything unless there's something in it for him.
He asked me to keep an eye on you for a couple of days.
What? Be my body guard? Here's my body, Theo. Guard it. For my dad's sake. For your career. Sheila starts to unbutton her bowling shirt.
Sheila, please.
Come on Theo, what about plan C?
What's plan C?
I don't think your new outfit suits you, Theo.
Do you talk with your mom?
It's been awhile. She didn't want me looking for my dad.
My mom told me not to stay in this town.
So why do you stay?
I'm a credit card junkie. I went on a binge and my dad bailed me out. Now I'm trapped in his easy payment plan.
I bet you get to meet a lot of eligible bowlers.
Yeah, but they're all little wannabes. I'm looking for a professional man.
I may not be a pro bowler, but I'm no amateur man. Sheila moves closer to Theo.
How much would you charge me for the lips?
More than you could afford.
Come on, bargain with me.
I could let them go for ten.
You professional men drive a hard bargain. I'm afraid I only have five on me. Sheila pulls out a 5 dollar bill.
What are you going to do about your brother?
You're here.
Then it's true, isn't it? About...
It wouldn't bother you if Buzz was in danger, would it?
Nope, I couldn't care less.
I'm sure you wouldn't care if he needed your help, right?
Why should I help that old fuck.
Yeah, what did Buzz Fazeli ever do for you?
Zip.
And besides, it's probably too late, anyhow.
Nothing.
Too late for what, Sheila?
You know how people with broken bones know when there's a storm coming?
You got any broken bones?
No, but something's gonna blow in this town. I can feel it.
Are you fucking with me Sheila? Is something gonna happen to Buzz? Sheila seems to be trying to tell Theo, but is unable.
I can't tell you, Theo.
Why not?
I saw your eyes when you hit that guy with your ball on TV. THUNDER rumbles. Theo takes Sheila by the shoulders.
Tell me, Sheila. What are you afraid of? Sheila shakes her head.
I'm afraid you'll hurt him.
It's Junior, isn't it.
I can't - I can't do it. He's my brother.
These open the back door. Don't let him catch you behind the machines; if he does, you're trapped. I'll meet you at the bridge. Theo takes the keys. Sheila grabs his arm.
You don't have to do this. We could just cut out of here, go to Akron, or anywhere else.
You told Junior that we did it.
It?
It. Bouncy-bouncy. Fucked. He tried to squeeze my fucking head off. What did you say to him? When they reach each other, they stop. Sheila seems to weigh her answer.
I told him you were my boyfriend.
What the hell did you go doing that for Sheila? We haven't even gotten naked yet!
We would have sooner or later.
Oh great! He tried to kill me! You knew he would go off if he thought I fooled around with you.
How do you get this thing down?
You wanted me to kill him, didn't you?
If he's not dead, he'll keep coming back.
He's dead Sheila.
I feel sick.
You should.
Are you sure he's dead?
Where are you going?
I think your brother may have already gotten to Buzz. He gets into his car.
Can I come with you?
Why did you come back?
When I'm with you Sheila, I don't even think about bowling. Theo takes Sheila in his arms and kisses her passionately. She stops him and looks around nervously.
If Junior finds us, he'll kill us both.
I killed him once, I'll just have to kill him again.
You don't get two chances with Junior.
Say something, Theo. Give me something. A doll's legs catch fire. Theo stares into Sheila's eyes.
Theo, Buzz is dead.
I didn't come this far to bury a guy that's not my dad. He owes me.
Back to plan A. The vicious cycle all over again. Theo lets go of Sheila.
I've been trapped by Miles Kastle my whole life. She walks over to her scooter, and mounts it.
Now he's the one who's locked up and I'm the one who's free. If I gotta do this alone, I might as well start now. She revs up and peals out.
What makes you think you know me so well that you can give me an ultimatum? Huh?
Who said anything about an ultimatum? You want to find your father? Get a shovel and start digging. Hurry up, he's probably in Purgatory by now. Sheila makes a pathetic attempt to speed away from Theo. He moves up beside her again.
You're really pissing me off.
I'm pissing you off? I'm doing what I said I'd do. What the hell are you doing? What about your word?
My word is good, and it'll always be good. When did I ever give my word to you?
What about plan C?
Fuck plan C!
Your word is so good, you're never gonna give it to anyone.
You think I'm dumping you to get back into bowling. Well who's dumping who?
I'm not dumping you, I'm suspending you.
Sez you!
Very professional.
I am a professional man.
Lips still for sale?
You bet. For five bucks, I'll even throw in the tongue.
Lane's closed big fellah, league night.
I'm not here to bowl.
You drag that coconut around for your health, or do you know how to use it?
Some unfinished business.
You guys got something going on downstairs?
We provide some extracurricular activities for the senior citizens in the community.
Aagh! Stop! Those are my bowling fingers!
Tell your little pal to let go.
Very good, busyboy.
Dwarf bowling's illegal.
You should probably hit the road. Go home. This place could get hazardous for your health.
So, Buzz was stooling for you guys.
Why is Junior's watch in that coffin? Something stinks around here.
Your time is up, busyboy.
Who identified the body?
The body was identified along proper Bowling Congress guidelines for processing a bowling related fatality.
You faked my dad's murder. You used him! Where is he! Theo chases Sid and Breeze around their car. He catches Sid and grabs the middle fingers on his right hand. Sid howls.
Captain, open the hatch door, please ... the hatch door, Captain. Open it, please.
Calm down, Dr. Levine.
Let me out, Captain. Open the door!
... Your civil rights have been overridden!
Open it, Captain!
Fletcher? What are you doing out there?
They're warm. I can feel the heat on my legs.
Fletcher, get away from there...
It's burning...
Get out of there!
I can't see...
Fletcher! Now!
How big is this spacecraft?
In basic English, what does all this mean?
There's heat coming the door.
Back away then.
Wait a minute --
I said back away.
Hold on --
What is it?
Alright, Beth, do that thing you did before.
Not everything. Even on earth. Take ... yeasts.
I am not leaving without him. Do you hear me? We come down as a team, we leave as a team.
Norman!
The surface ships will be back. After the storm clears.
They told me about sixty hours.
Back at the door -- I asked you to back away.
Yeah. I heard you.
There are procedures, Beth, that I want followed. My procedures. And considering what's going on, I want you to follow them very closely.
Nobody move.
But she's --
I'm not sure. I've never seen anything like it.
Nice work, Captain sir.
Direction's east coming!
A squid? The size of a whale? I don't think so. Target acquired. Sixty yards.
What if it attacks?
Fifty yards and closing.
What do we use for defense?
We're a habitat. Not a castle. The only defense we have is High Voltage.
High Voltage?
It sends 200 volts throughout the cylinder surface. But we've never used it underwater before.
Forty yards.
But you've tested it?
Sure. Each time it started fires inside the habitat.
Thirty yards.
Where is it?
What was that?
Increase positive pressure!
That's our reserve air.
Don't do it, Norman!
Don't pull it, Norman. It'll start a <u>fire</u> we can't stop. Norman?
Do it, Norman, it's the only choice we have. This thing is gonna crush us.
Don't do it!
Norman, please! Don't!
Thank you, Colonel.
Captain.
Well, thanks for the opportuninty here -- my wife appreciates it.
Don't thank me, Dr. Johnson. You weren't my choice. The Pentagon made me take you.
Come with me. The team's already waiting.
What have you been told so far?
The usual. Plane crash. Survivers unknown. Routine stuff really.
Anything else?
You talk to any reporters? Any press?
Good. Security's been our biggest worry. Now that you're here we can shut this thing down tight.
From what? What's with all the security?
We're moving fast considering the storm.
Storm? What storm?
A cyclone's on it's way in. I thought they would have told you on the phone.
How deep is he?
A thousand feet.
A thousand? An airplane crashes into a thousand feet of water -- I don't want to sound pessimistic here, but I assume there are no survivors.
Survivors? No, I wouldn't think so.
Then why am I here?
What?
What is it? A military spacecraft? Like a shuttle or satellite?
Something like that. That doesn't surprise you?
Not really, no. Something of the military crashes in the ocean -- it explains why there was nothing on the news, why you've kept everything a secret... When did it crash?
See this? Coral. Geologists measured the coral growth on top of the craft to be over five meters thick.
Geologists?
Coral grows at a rate of two and a half centimeters a year --
-- Wait a second --
-- dating the crash at least that old.
Hold on --
Maybe older --
-- there's got to be some mistake here -- a four hundred year old military spacecraft? There's no such thing... our space program isn't even forty years old.
Extraordinary, isn't it?
It's impossible.
Off the record, I don't mind telling you, this thing scares the shit out of me.
It doesn't make any sense.
We think it might. That's why we brought you here. We've assembled your team -- they're waiting for us now.
What team?
The one you recommended. In the ULF report you wrote for the Bush administration.
Your report's become our bible down here, Dr. Johnson. We've been carrying out each of your recommendations -- one by one -- to the smallest detail.
They pressurize us with helium.
What's wrong with oxygen?
What is it, Norman?
Picked up something? What is it?
Maybe we shouldn't.
What?
Like "Thou shall not kill"?
Or maybe, it can't <u>be</u> killed.
You mean, what's in that thing is immortal?
I don't know. That's the point.
Don't get hysterical, Norman.
I'm telling you, Harry's lost it. He's saying there's a deathwish out for each of us.
Look, the ships are clearing out. They're taking us topside in a matter of minutes. Someone can check him out there, if it's that imprtant.
All I'm saying is, someone should keep an eye on him.
Harry's missing.
What do you mean, he's missing?
He's missing. He's gone. He left.
You can't just leave Harry down here, sir.
I told you people, nobody goes anywhere unless I say.
But sir --
I'm not paranoid. I know Beth. She can be drastic.
How drastic?
You don't want to know.
I think I do.
A while back, Beth and I -- we worked at the same university. She was assisting a chemist there -- I forget his name -- doing research, experiments. She was also living with him. Yeah, I know. And when she finished her work, he kicked her out, broke off the relationship, and published five papers -- all her work -- without any thank you
She should've known better.
She put a razor to her wrists a day later.
When was this?
'81, I think. She tried again five years ago. I thought you should know.
So you knew this when you wrote your report?
At the time, I don't know, I thought putting her on the list -- it might help her career -- catch her a break.
You knowingly recommended a woman with suicidal tendencies for a government operation --
Wait a second --
-- and then brought her down here --
-- I didn't know it would come to this --
He translated it wrong. "My name is Jerry"? It's like "See Spot run."
The message doesn't show a lack of intelligence. It's smart. It's approaching us in a simple way. Like you would a dog. Holding out your hand, letting it sniff, get used to you.
Great, okay. Ask him about his weapons.
That's smart. Let's talk about guns and violence.
You don't think weapons are important?
Edmunds?
Because if Jerry is powerful and also emotional...
Damn it, Edmunds?
... it raises a very serious question: <u>What happens if Jerry</u> <u>gets mad</u>?
What for?
If something should happen to us, the Navy will at least have partial records of what happened.
I don't want you talking to Jerry.
You think he killed Edmunds?
Yes, I do. Whatever's out there, I think is his response to us refusing to talk to him earlier.
Bullshit. What's out there isn't alien. It's an animal.
Maybe so. But I think we need to ask Jerry about it.
Going active.
What the hell? It shut us down.
Jerry? Please. Stop this.
Yes, sir. I'm here.
I see it.
Can you open that panel?
It's not sucking, sir.
Thank you, I can see that. Try something else.
We don't have anything else to try, Sir.
What caused it?
Get him out of there. I thought I told you people --
Subs are still at surface, sir.
I'm getting no sub reading, sir.
Any sign of Harry?
Nothing, sir.
Nothing, sir.
Yes, sir.
Well, where the fuck is he?
Sir, if the subs haven't left by now...
They've left, keep watching!
Norman, get out of there now! Norman?
Edmunds, get in here. I need you for this.
How much damage?
To the craft? None. Not a scratch.
Right. So you're saying it survived a high speed impact with water without a scratch?
It's chipped.
Chipped? The door? How can it be chipped?
I don't know how it can be chipped, but it's chipped.
I thought you said there wasn't any damage done in the crash?
I did.
Ted? Captain?
Yes, Harry.
We know how this craft got here. Where it's been.
No. They don't represent a message. They aren't decorative at all. They have another purpose entirely.
What?
To conceal a small break in the surface of the sphere.
So how do we get it open?
Man is man, all he knows is man, and all he can think of is what he knows. The anthropomorphic problem. Good, Norman.
So? What's the problem?
Or it could contain some great benefit to us, some astonishing new idea or technology to help mankind.
It could. But the odds of it being any use to us are against it.
You don't know that.
Let's say whoever made this thing is a thousand years ahead of us, just like we are to, say, medieval Europe. Suppose you went back to medieval Europe with a TV set. There wouldn't be any place to plug it in.
Gimme a report, I want --
Ladies and Gentlemen...
Who is that? Where's that coming from?
It's a single sequence repeated over and over.
... spiralling out of the center, you see: "G" is one, "B" is two, "H" is three, and so on... when I got the message.
What's the message?
I have to tell you. It's strange.
Ignorant. The thing's ignorant.
Are you enjoying yourself, Harry, because I don't know what the hell you're doing.
Not now, Beth. Please. I want to know who we're talking to before we start talking. Where's Edmunds?
What?
He's saying, "Take me to your leader." He wants to know who's in charge.
With an "o". Harold with an "o".
Edmunds? Get in here. I want to know exactly how this is being transmitted.
She's not gonna know.
She wired this system.
A half a mile long?
Captain, you know, I really appreciate you hauling us a thousand feet below sea level so we can watch this historical event on television.
I'd also like it noted --
What <u>about</u> a crowbar?
Ted, get her away from the door.
Look at this.
Some sort of lead or something.
Radiation shield, you think?
What's wrong?
We had considered it.
Time travel. I always thought it was one of those myths... like Santa's reindeer.
What would we be working on in the future that would make us want to come back?
But what does it do? This... sphere.
Can I stay, sir? I'm willing to risk it. I am. After what we just witnessed.
Did you hear me, sir, because --
How can he be missing?
Sir, about leaving --
They switched us over.
To what?
She says jellyfish are a delicacy. You know, I never knew that.
From the sphere?
I want a name. A real name. This thing's full name, rank and serial number.
Captain, I personally feel we should ask much more substantive questions --
It's not talking, it's mimicking.
Edmunds?
What is that?
The sensors are picking up something outside.
It won't register. It's too big to image.
Well, until we know exactly what it is, nobody goes outside, understood?
What was Edmunds doing outside?
Resetting the sub.
What sub?
Beth, look, can I trust you with a little secret?
I love secrets.
That ULF report everybody's patting me on the back about?
I've read it twice, Norman. It's brilliant.
It's bullshit. The report's a joke.
That's quite a secret.
Do yourself a favor, Norman. Are you listening? Don't tell anyone what you just told me.
C'mon, Beth -- that report's like the blind leading the blind.
Because when we get down there --
Wait -- down where?
To the spacecraft. To investigate.
Underwater?
What do you expect? For them to bring it up here?
We can't go down there. We're not prepared. That deep? That takes years of training, Beth. We're just scientists. Lab scietists. We wear ties and lab coats to work -- not oxygen tanks.
Well, you must have realized the chances an encounter like this would happen here. In the ocean. 70 percent of the earth's surface is water, Norman. That's first grade geography.
It never occurred to me.
Well, let's pray that's the only mistake you made. Have you said anything to Barnes about this?
The timing has never seemed quite right.
Just keep your mouth shut, alright? This could mean everything to our careers, you know that? Don't jeopardize this.
Isn't there a psychological term for that, Dr. Johnson?
You're next, Norman.
No. Go ahead. Really. Ladies first.
400 years ago? I'm sure Christopher Columbus would've loved these accomodations.
Norman!
It could breathe in air and exhale cyanide gas.
Where'd this come from?
The library.
We have a library?
A bad one. It was the only book in there. Norman, come here, look at this.
... when I was six, my younger brother and I -- we went swimming in the Pacific. At my mother's beach house. We both felt stinging, and when we came out of the water, he was wearing jellyfish head to toe. Killed him.
My gosh, Norman.
Yeah, it was awful.
What about you? What happened to you?
Me? Well, I was wrapped in seaweed. It itched for a while, but I survived. Beth, do you find it... curious that we're seeing all this life down here. Nothing, and then these enormous flocks of squid. Then jellyfish?
Normally, I'd say no. Everything's quiet now -- no ships, no divers, no electricity. Makes sense. But what's curious is -- these aren't normal jellyfish.
What do you mean -- not normal?
They have six tentacles. A new species. And the squid too. They had no stomach.
Wait a minute.
What?
You knew about the squid not being normal. Before Fletcher went out there?
Yeah, why?
What? Why...
Beth --
I mean, I'm not... I wasn't absolutely sure if... they --
They are or they aren't. Which is it?
What?... Wait. Don't... why are you --
Beth.
Nobody said... Norman... What? Why are you looking at me like that?
I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't mean...
I can't feel her bones. She's like a sponge.
She was crushed. Feel her skin -- it's like sandpaper.
Norman.
What are they?
... He lied to us. He left us down here.
C'mon, Beth. Don't make this personal. He told me himself they were taking us back.
Yeah, he <u>told</u> you. Think. What was Barnes doing before they cut that cable loose? He was on the phone. Except that cable is a thousand feet long, Norman. They would've broken off communication with us four, five minutes before they cleared out.
So what?
So who was Barnes talking to at the last minute? Nobody.
You're jumping to conclusions, Beth. Don't get worked up --
"Although advised of risks, all personnel elect to remain down for duration of storm to continue investigation of alien sphere and associated spacecraft. Signed, Barnes, USN."
Where did you get this?
In Edmunds' things.
You went through Edmunds' things?
He's not just a Navy captain -- he works for the fucking Pentagon.
Calm down, Beth. Alright?
Don't tell me to calm down!
You said something to him, didn't you?
What?
Beth --
You did, didn't you?
Don't do this.
You bastard.
Yeah, okay. Sure, Norman.
Beth --
Where are you going in such a hurry?
Forget the sub.
Don't bother me, Norman.
It's not worth the risk.
It's also our only way out of here! It holds three people. And there's only three of us left now.
You, me and Harry?
You, me and Harry. He's asleep.
Wake him, then. Let's go. Get outta --
We can't. The storm. The waves would toss us around worse than we got down here. And we have four days of decompression when we get up top.
Four days?
Maybe you should go. To the sub.
Why should I go?
You should know how it works. Just in case.
In case you die, too?
I don't trust Harry to do it.
I would. But my suit --
You fixed my suit?
You don't trust me?
But I don't know how --
The sub's a 100 feet in front of you. You see it?
I can't see anything. How does it look? Still clear?
What's the matter?
You fixed this suit? Beth?
Yes, Norman. I did. You're just nervous.
My air isn't... I'm coming back.
Still clear?
... what do you mean? I'm in the ship.
What are you doing in the ship? Beth?
Getting food. We were out of food. what's wrong? You sound mad.
Yeah, well, I get that way when I'm facing death and someone deserts me.
Deserts you? Harry said he'd take over for me.
You get it straightened out?
What's Harry doing with your suit in there?
Fixing it.
Fixing it? But I fixed -- Where'd you get all that?
The refridgerator.
The refridgerator.
It's a pretty common place to look for food when you don't think you have any.
That wasn't in there before.
We must've had it delivered then.
Wait a second --
1-800-Deepsea delivery. I hear they're good.
None of this was here before.
Did you look? It was on the top shelf.
No, it wasn't. I swear none of this was here. None of it. You think he hid it? Earlier. He must've hid it.
You think?
You don't believe me.
All I know is I opened that refridgerator --
Damn it, Norman. I swear. I had a whole conversation with the man when he woke up.
This being after you so carefully fixed my suit.
You think it's me? You think I'm saying there was a conversation when there wasn't?
I don't know, Beth. I wasn't there.
Page 87.
What?
"Our fisherman frequently see some that are more than four feet long. Some skeletons of squids...
Squids?
After the attack, a Navy guy woke me up -- I don't know -- I thought he was an illusion. But I checked the tape, and Jerry said he manifested him.
Manifested?
He translated it wrong.
Remember when we first spoke to Jerry, Barnes kept asking for Jerry's real name? But Harry never would? He didn't because he was afraid the screen would say "Harry", instead of Jerry. We weren't talking to an alien intelligence when we talked to Jerry, we were talking to Harry... or a part of Harry.
What do you mean, a part of Harry?
When did the messages start? The animals outside start showing up? After Harry came out of the sphere.
You think, in the sphere --
He acquired some sort of power. A power to manifest things.
But how?
I don't know.
How can the sphere do that?
I don't know, Beth. I'm not the fucking alien that built the thing. But it can. When Harry came out of the sphere, he mumbled something about page 87. How he would never read that far -- he was too scared to. Then you found the book, remember in your lab. Then in the cafeteria -- and page 87 talks about a giant squid...
Which I told Barnes was attacking --
It's his fear. The squid. He's manifesting his fears. Making them real.
But why is he doing it?
He must not realize he is. Like the Navy crewman -- Harry was sleeping then. He must've manifested his dream.
His dream? You can't control your dreams. And you can't control your fears, can you?
And that's the part of Harry that's being manifested.
Looks like some sort of code.
Diphenyl parlene.
Something for burns.
It's for motion sickness.
Valdomet.
Ulcers.
Sintag.
A synthetic opium analogue.
Does it cause drowsiness? That's all we need. To get him unconscious -- put him under.
Nothing about drowsiness.
Tarazine?
Tranquilizer. Causes drowsiness.
Bingo.
Riordan?
Antihistamine. For bites.
Damn it! Chloramphenicol?
Antibiotic.
Parasolutrine?
How do you spell it?
P-a-r-a-s-o...
It's a soporific.
What's that?
Causes sleep.
It's like a sleeping pill?
"20 cc's of parasolutrine in combination with 6 cc's of paracin given IV produces deep sleep suitable for emergency surgical procedures... no cardiac side effects ... REM activity is surpressed... "
How long does it last?
Three to six hours.
I'll just boost the doses.
What? Wait -- isn't that dangerous?
How fast does it take effect?
Doesn't say.
It's an idea.
Beth --
To be on the safe side. I mean --
You want to kill him?
You ever given an injection before.
Thirty years ago. In residency. I passed out. You?
I'm sorry.
For what?
Not believing you.
What is it, Norman?
Where are you?
The sphere looks different.
What do you mean, different?
The grooves around the door -- they've shifted. And the pattern -- the fluids -- they look darker now.
What was that? I couldn't hear you.
Your watch.
What's wrong, Norman?
I'm feeling better.
It's getting cold.
You think I'd really drink that?
You don't think I put something in it, do you?
You put explosives around the habitat, I can't imagine what you'd put in a drink.
How do you feel about snakes?
Snakes? What do you mean, exactly?
You know what I mean.
Am I afraid of them? Not during the day. Sea snakes are diurnal. When the sun's out, they don't bite. Fortunately for you, I had on my watch. This is quite good.
What are they doing down here? In the bathroom? Suddenly appearing.
You tell me.
Do you fear them?
Don't you?
Are you manifesting them?
If I was, then I would've had to have gone in the sphere, wouldn't I?
Did you?
What's the phrase -- "keeping up with the Joneses"?
Why did you go in the sphere, Beth?
Same reason I put explosives around the habitat. For defense. For the power. To protect myself.
Against what? Harry's unconscious. He's not a threat.
No, he isn't.
He can't manifest.
No, he can't.
Then why, Beth? Why go in? Why put out explosives? Why manifest the snakes?
You think I manifested the snakes?
Someone did.
Beth you're losing it. C'mon.
C'mon -- what?
You're lying --
Am I lying? Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure I'm lying? Then explain to me about the jellyfish. Earlier. Why did we see jellyfish? Harry doesn't fear jellyfish. You do. They're your fear, aren't they?
But --
And the snakes? You want to know about the snakes? You saw one outside earlier, didn't you? When you thought I had deserted you -- you were terrified.
That's when you went in the sphere.
One lonely, terrifying sea snake.
You manifested that, Beth.
Did I? Or was that you? When you were hiding in the bathroom -- all conspiratorially like you were -- you became frightened, didn't you? Terrified. Like you were with the snake earlier -- and suddenly you have snakes slithering all over the floor. You did that, Norman.
You're insane.
Am I? Or am I making so much sense that you're going insane?
I never went in that sphere.
You don't remember you did. But I'm sure you remember running like some fucking hero to get Harry, don't you? You remember that.
Yes.
You remember before you picked him up -- when you looked up at the sphere, you remember that -- when the sphere opened? That's right. But you can't remember going inside, can you? No, of course not. Harry couldn't either, could he? "Like everything's on the tip of my tongue", he said.
That's bullshit.
Is it?
Beth, the message said Harry. "My name is Harry". My name isn't Harry.
No, it isn't. Your name is Norman. But your younger brother -- what was his name? The one who was stung when you were younger. The one that died. The one you couldn't save. What was his name? "Mommy, we're going out to the ocean -- to go swimming." "But I don't want to go swimming, Norman. I'm scared." "C'mon, <u>Harry</u>, it'll be fine,
Shut up, Beth --
I'm not scaring you, am I Norman? I hope I'm not frightening you. The last thing I want to do is frighten you. You feel okay, don't you?
It's not me, Beth. I swear. It can't be.
Don't, Beth.
But I have to, Norman.
I promise --
Promise what, Norman? Tell me!
Beth --
You think I'd belive you? Believe anything you might say now? After you lied to me about telling Barnes about my past. About my problems. My problems. Not yours. Not his. Mine.
Don't, Beth. Please.
It's your choice. Because it's not safe for you to be awake. To be walking around. To be thinking about things.
It's not safe for you to be either.
This is what I'm talking about, Norman. Don't you see? It's in you. This vindictiveness. This rage.
Of course you're going to deny it. You want to blame someone else. You want to blame Beth. Because you hate Beth.
Don't fuck with me, Beth.
Beth!
Where is it coming from, Beth?
Beth, stop it!
Then where's it coming from?
Stop it!
Beth?
You can't stop it, Norman. You can't fight me.
I know. You're too strong, Beth.
Oh please, don't shrink me, Norman. Not now.
I --
Don't tell me about me. I already know too much.
Beth -- gimme the gun.
Oh, sure. Here. Anything else, Beth can get you? Some more chicken, perhaps. Let Beth check the fridge.
C'mon --
Top shelf, is it?
What is that? What are you doing?
What?
You hear that?
Hear what?
Get away from me!
Beth --
Would it work?
Yes. And I think we already know it will.
How's that?
Pussy.
No. I don't think so.
Well, think. Because there's footprints here that aren't mine.
I don't get it.
Well, what's your theory?
Norman? Where's Norman?
He doesn't wait for an answer.
Pry the thing open? What are we -- neanderthals?
All that banging and pounding. I don't know. We should think about making a good first impression.
For who? The fish?
It's empty. Why would someone build a ship like this?
Then what is it?
What are you looking for?
Take politics, our views on abortion, the death penalty...
When he woke up, he said we were out of food. He told me to get some from the ship.
I never said that.
Yes you did. Norman, I wouldn't leave you out there. You know that.
We never even had a conversation, Norman.
Jerry. Right. I said Jerry, didn't I?
That's a hell of a mistake to make, Beth.
I'm sorry. Slip of the tongue.
Just in time, too.
In time for what?
What?
Our habitat, I mean. This place can't handle another attack.
Why are you looking at me like that?
Like what? I'm not --
You're staring at me.
No I'm not. I'm not star--
They're going to want answers and they're going to keep asking until they get them.
We can refuse to talk.
When did it come across?
Minutes ago. Harry's trying to decode it in his room now.
Where's it coming from?
No idea. We have no surface support. It transmitted too fast to be coming from underwater.
Is it coming from our own computer?
How are you feeling, Norman?
What?
You holding up alright?
Fine. I'm fine.
Don't be defensive.
I'm not being defensive.
You sound defensive.
Go ahead. Ladies first.
C'mon.
C'mon, Norman.
Nice work, Norman.
Our answer.
To what?
This answers one of our questions.
Which one? Let me get the list out.
This spacecraft was designed to pick things up. They see things they want -- these claws go out and bring it in. They come across this. This... <u>sphere</u>. Find it interesting, curious. They draw it inside to take back home.
But on the way home, they miss their turn, go too far, into the past.
I mentioned it in my report. Didn't you read the report?
And we're just talking about three- dimensional creatures. What if it's five or six or seven-dimensional? So dimensional that we couldn't even see it to kill it.
Don't be so optomistic, Harry.
I'm completely serious. There is something very important missing from that spacecraft. You know what that is?
Not a clue.
A sign that the builders knew time travel through a black hole was possible.
I don't follow you.
On that flight recorder, they called the black hole an "Unknown Entry Event." They didn't know what a black hole was. Fifty years from now, men are going to build that ship in a very tentative, experimental way, with no knowledge that time travel through a black hole is possible.
So, <u>we know</u>. We know it went through a black hole. We saw it. Norman -- when we'd get to the surface, we'd tell someone about the black hole, wouldn't we? It'd go in some report like some big discovery. So in fifty years when they build that ship, they'd make precautions for a black hole. <u>But they didn't</u>. The called it an Unknown
Meaning we're never gonna get the chance to tell anyone.
I can't believe that, Harry.
I can't. If I had a minute to think, maybe, but I know you're wrong.
Am I?
Look -- we're under a lot of pressure, we're tired, you're not thinking straight.
You mean, you think I'm cracking?
No. I didn't say that.
It's what's in that sphere, isn't it, Harry? Whatever you think is in that thing -- you think it's going to kill you.
What is that? That noise?
What noise?
Harry, can you tell me about the sphere?
What are you still doing here?
You remember opening the door?
You were all supposed to leave. You weren't supposed to stay down here.
Tell me about the door. Do you remember how you opened the door to the sphere?... Harry?
You don't understand about the sphere.
Norman?
What is it, Harry?
What happens on page 87? Have you ever read page 87?
Page 87 of what, Harry?
I could never read that far. I never wanted to.
These aren't half bad, Fletcher. You might have a second career coming.
Getting anywhere with those?
There's some sort of pattern here. It'll take a minute.
Have you looked outside? Jellyfish. Everywhere. I hate jellyfish. Harry, what happened in the cafeteria?
Don't do this. Don't psychoanalyze me. I hate squid. Period. Just like you hate jellyfish.
You said something to me, before -- about how we were all going to die.
Did I?
You don't remember that?
... you there? Norman?
Harry?
Norman, where are you?
I can't breathe... Am I... clear?
Thank you. My suit -- Beth said she fixed it --
What happened to her?
What do you mean? She's not here?
When I woke up, nobody was here.
She was supposed to be watching the sensor for me.
Her suit's gone.
Beth left?
She's cracking, Norman.
You didn't say that about the food?
I was just in the cafeteria, there's plenty of food in there. Take a look for yourself.
But why would she -- ?
Wisconsin's your answer.
Wisconsin?
Navy transmission. They're sent from Wisconsin.
How do we decode it?
We just figured, you know, the three of us -- we need to... work together through this.
The three of us.
That's right.
What is it?
It's the squid! Stop it!
Did I kill her?
I don't think so.
Fine.
We're never gonna make it.
How much time you figure to get to the surface?
Two and a half minutes. Once we're in the sub.
I can't reach her.
Push her, c'mon.
Missed.
Hold on.
Hurry, Norman. Four minutes.
Three fifty-six, three fifty-five, three --
C'mon, Norman!
I'm trying to keep balance with --
Gimme a second --
Just pull her -- down like inside -- Harry, work with me here!
Her legs are in the way.
Get her out of the seat, I need room to sit. Harry?
You know how to work this thing?
No idea.
Well, press something!
Less than a minute, we're never gonna make it.
Nine hundred feet to surface.
How's that working out, by the way?
Good. Thank you. Now that I have it on. Why are you laughing? You don't even know what that means.
There is one possibility.
The power allows us to manifest our fears, right? What if we feared the power to go away?
You mean forget?
What'd you say to him?
To who? Arthur? Nothing. Nothing that Norman doesn't already know.
What does Norman already know?
She told me what you said, Norman.
What is it, Harry?
It's just like swimming, Norman... You know how to swim, don't you?
Easy Ted, we're not mining gold.
Alot like. You know, I noticed it before, but I didn't...
English?
You don't think it does? I think it's rather obvious.
Is it some sort of joke? Like one of those hoaxes?
A spacecraft half a mile long -- with 500 tonnes of coral on top of it? Someone went to a lot of trouble. Try again.
But it's impossible.
Why would this ship carry instructions in English?
Think about it.
All the facts you need are right in front of you.
Gimme a minute here... I think I've got it.
Do you?
If it is an alien spacecraft --
An American spacecraft? Half a mile long? And buried 400 years? Yeah, good theory, Harry.
We take a weeny little wedge, bang on it a couple of times, and bust off a chunk of the metal. Yet any spacecraft -- even at a low velocity, say 200 miles an hour -- crashes into the water -- it's gonna be like hitting concrete, it would crumple like paper. But there isn't a dent to be seen anywhere. Not even a
Meaning?
Meaning it didn't land in the water.
Please. It must have flown here --
It didn't fly here. It <u>arrived</u> here.
Arrived? From where?
Looks like a design, some writing, maybe. Maybe it was sent to meet the spacecraft with a message.
Hey, go easy on the salt, will ya? We're not a bunch of icy streets here.
Salt's good for you, Ted. Helps you from getting impotent.
Well, if it's a discharge --
If it is a message, it's probably a substitution code. I'll work on it.
... I asked myself, why would the sphere be using a code? If you're trying to communicate, why use a code?
See? No code. What'd I say?
What'd you say?
Good idea, Ted.
Don't gimme that psychology bullshit, Norman. Psychology isn't a science, it's superstition. It's a bunch of soft, subjective theories without any hard data to back it up. With an intellect like this, emotions don't mean shit.
Norman Johnson.
Does this mean what I think it means?
It's over, sir, The storm has cleared.
The ships?
How are the others?
The others, sir?
Beth and Harry?
That whole time -- I couldn't stop thinking of what Harry was saying earlier...
What was that, sir?
Any other bags, Dr. Johnson?
No other equipment? Scientific instruments?
No, they didn't say --
Captain Barnes wants to see you right away, sir.
Captain who?
Barnes. He's very eager to meet you. Been calling us every half hour to see if you're arrived.
By the way sir, I've read your report. I think it's brilliant.
What report?
You mean they haven't told you yet?
I'm in psychology. Was. Still am really, just been a while. I treat aircrash survivors.
Oh, so you're that Dr. Johnson.
You've heard of me?
Well, everybody's been talking about that report you wrote.
What report?
Huh?
What report?
You mean you don't know?
Must be another Johnson then. Been flying so many scientists out here -- can't keep everyone straight.
Who's everyone?
Physicists, mathematicians, geologists, you name it.
Geologists? At a plane crash?
Strange, isn't it? In the middle of the ocean no less.
He wasn't feeling well.
You want me to try?
Strange, isn't it? You know -- how it would have a button.
Earth doesn't have a patent on buttons, Ted.
He's manic, Norman. You know that? This reliance on Harry is misplaced. You hear me? Totally misplaced. He's overlooking things. Obvious things.
It's not some fucking substitution code, it's a direct visual representation.
You mean a picture?
Take a look. I rearranged the numbers. Put 'em up to the light. Go ahead. Squint at it.
I don't see anything.
Squint harder.
Please, Ted.
Try this one.
This is like nursery school.
Don't you see it? It's a picture of the creature.
The creature?
Well, how about we wait and see what Harry comes up with?
Well, he's polite.
You want to put him on your couch, Norman. Grill him about his childhood?
Frankly, Ted, I'd be much happier if Jerry was just a cold, emotionless intellect.
What was it?
Barnes didn't know. Couldn't get a reading.
Has Harry spoken with Jerry?
You think Jerry has something to do with what killed Edmunds? With what's out there?
Jerry isn't hostile, Norman. He said earlier -- we were his friends --
What kind of a crash was it?
You seen my suitcase?
There's nothing on the news about a crash. Did he say what airline?
He didn't say much at all. Honey --
In the closet. I don't understand, Norman -- why would they call you?
Don't be so supportive, honey.
Well, I can't imagine five years of unemployment --
Four. Four years --
Four years of unemployment would look too good on a resume.
Keep watching the news. Are you watching the news?
There's a U.S. Navy car outside, Norman.
What?
Was it a military crash?
I don't know.
I'm Han Solo, Captain of this vessel. Who's in charge then?
Well, we'll see...
The Empire must have gotten here first.
The planet has been totally blown away! It would have taken a thousand ships with a lot more fire power than I've ever seen... If the Empire had a new weapon that could do this... I would have heard something... I'd know about it.
Well, now you know... The enemy is on the move. We haven't much time.
Well, I've brought you here. What now?
We have to find he rebels... What we're carrying belongs to them.
No, not anymore.
Well, for one reason, we don't have your other five thousand.
Who's going to pay me then?
I think there are some things we should talk about.
How much do you think she's talking about?
A million at least... If this robot has information related to the destruction of Organa Major, you'll be able to name the reward...
Luke's got a point... ... Fear is their greatest defense... I doubt if the actual security there is much greater than on Aquilae or Sullust, and what there is is most likely directed toward large-scale assault.
Kid, you take the glory and the good intentions and I'll take the reward.
Fear is their greatest weapon.
You have your father's style. You've done very well.
We're into the second perimeter. They'll be coming out to blast us shortly. I was wondering if you had some kind of a plan or are we going to try to blast our way in?
Check your data banks for all the information you have on Imperial procedures. Both of you will have to learn...
We're going to get in by studying Imperial procedures? I don't like it.
I'll get the information.
... and I want you to start cleaning the equipment out of the scan- shielded compartments.
Darth Vader is on this system. I can feel him. I can feel the Kiber Crystal.
Is that good or bad?
Don't look at me. I'm just a pilot. I got you here... You've got to do the rest.
There is a greater risk in staying here, you know. If you don't find the princess, then the whole trip was for nothing... wasn't it?
That's straight through the central core... up toward the top of the city... Once you've got her, avoid the main transports, they'll shut down immediately. Your only chance is through the service shafts. There are no sensors there... All right now, get going, you don't have time. I hope you can remember everything.
We'll be back before you are, old man.
Good morning!
What do you mean, 'good morning'? Do you mean that it is a good morning for you, or do you wish me a good morning, although it is obvious I'm not having one, or do you find that mornings in general are good?
Sorry, but that was the only way to get you down.
Couldn't we have tried to think of something else first!
I'm Luke Starkiller, guardian of the Bendu.
Oh, so you're a warrior then?
Who are you anyway?
You're General Kenobi?!? The Jedi knight! The commander of the White Legions?
I don't see why. I don't believe we've ever met.
I know who you are. Stand up so that we can talk properly. You're embarrassing me. I'm not that important.
I... I'm not a Bendu Officer. I'm not even a startrooper.
I know that.
You saw through me?
You could put it that way.
I assure you my intentions weren't bad.
I know your intentions. I probably know much more about you than you realize. In many ways you're a lot like your father. He was an indulgent man, but a clever warrior. Now what brings you out here?
I'm afraid I've gotten too old for this sort of thing.
But you must! I can't do it alone. I'm not at all like my father. I'd never make it.
I already know you think you're worthless. I recommend you learn to think of yourself in a better light, for what you believe you are is what you become. I haven't been involved in anything like this for many years.
But the Sith Lords are involved! Whatever information this R-2 unit is carrying, it must be awfully important. They're probably looking for him... I'm no match for the Sith. This is a Jedi's work. This is your responsibility!
You were right. It is my responsibility. The Force of Others brought the message to you and then it brought you to me.
My father used to talk about the Force of Others. But he never told me what it was...
Let's just say the Force is something a Jedi Warrior deals with. It is an energy field in oneself, a power that controls ones acts, yet obeys ones commands. It is nothing, yet it makes marvels appear before your very eyes. All living things generate this Force field, even you.
You mean I generate an energy field?
It surrounds you and radiates from you. A Jedi can feel it flowing from him... ... from here!
That is not a human decision, not your or mine.
What do you mean?
Luke, I'm coming along to do what I can, but I'm tired and I'm depending on you to get us through.
But you're still a powerful Jedi. You don't need my help.
A Jedi's power is measured by the amount of the Force that is stored within him, and I have little of the Force left in me.
How can you store an energy field within you?
When a creature dies, the force it generated remains. The Force is all around us. It can be collected and transmitted through the use of a Kiber crystal. It's the only way to amplify the power of the Force within you.
Don't you have a Kiber crystal?
I had one, but it was taken at the battle of Condawn...
That's where my father was killed.
Yes. It was a black day. One of my disciple's took the crystal and became a Sith Lord. It was a black day. The few crystals that remain are in the possession of the Sith Lords on Alderaan. That's how they've become so powerful.
Do the Sith know the ways of the Force?
They use the Bogan Force.
Like Bogan weather, or bogan times. I thought that was just a saying.
We don't have that kind of money. How much do you think I can get for the speeder?
This is the last place. Shouldn't we just take what we can get and think of something else?
When we get Artoo's message to them, you think they'll try to rescue the princess?
I doubt it. It would be foolish for the rebel forces to come out of hiding. I know your feelings. You'd best forget them. It's for your own good. There will be no saving her from the prisons of Alderaan. It's the heart of the Sith. The Bogan Force is the most heavy there.
But she's a member of The Twelve Families. How can they hold her?
What's wrong? What's happening?
Are you all right?
Are you sure you don't need it?
I rarely use it any more. I have the Force. The Force is more powerful than any pistol. You shouldn't put too much faith in that weapon. Work on becoming aware of the Force... learn to feel its presence within you. Try to sense what it's telling you. It's the only thing you can rely on.
What do I do?
What is it?
But she is the only link between us and the hidden bases.
You mean we should go after her!...
I can't see! How can I fight?
Try to feel it. Use the Force...
I can't do it. I'll get hit.
See, once you let yourself go you can do it. You'll get it.
What about the princess?
You go after the princess. I am an old man and would be of little help. I must try to find the Crystal.
The Kiber Crystal.
Of course, where you been kid?
That's no battle, kid... They're just sitting there!
I'll tell you, Luke, and this is between you and me. The star force isn't all it's cracked up to be. Frankly, it's a bore, and it's going to stay that way as long as this system is neutral...
But you always said things were so great at the academy... What happened?
The academy is fantastic... Of course, they won't teach you anything about flying you don't already know. Most of the instructors are very conservative pilots. You can fly circles around them... but there is a lot on the scientific side that is down-right amazing, and you get a lot of discipline... but after you graduate, don't join the star force -- go free-lance. It's
At least you're doing something... I'd give anything to be in your position.
You're Starkiller?
Yes, sir.
Have you been checked out?
Six hours, huh? Well, that's your ship there. You're blue five. You stay glued to me. I don't want any independent operations out there. Personally I think it's foolish for them to be sending fresh kids out on a job like this. This is no joy ride we're going on.
Blue Five, does that glare bother you?
I'm right behind you, Blue Leader.
Blue Five, break off your cover attack. It's too late. Make your own run on the exhaust port. Do you copy, Luke?
Yes, sir, but I can get him...
No reply on any circuits... It's drifting on a point twenty-seven skew. It's not close enough to identify.
Alert squad five, but hold them until we know what it is.
Should we alert the Sith Lords?
I'll make a report later.
As close as we can make out, it appears to be a Corellian gypsy vessel... It's not under power.
We don't get many visitors. Let's take a look at it.
Put that thing away or you're going to get us all killed.
Yes, your highness. I'll let you open it then. It won't be too long before they figure out what happened to us. This has turned into a brilliant escape!
Here come six more... grid two!
There are only three or four left.
All the data banks in Artoo are still secure.
Then I think we're due the reward you offered... and it had better be substantial after what we've been through.
When Artoo has been safely delivered to my forces, you get your reward. You have my guarantee.
What's that little 'droid' carrying that's so blasted important?
The plans and specifications to a battle station with enough fire power to destroy an entire system... Our only hope in destroying it is to find its weakness, which we will determine from the data I stored in Artoo.
We captured the plans in a raid on the Imperial shipyards, but we fell under attack before I could get the data to safety, so I hid it in this Artoo unit and sent him off.
Where are you taking us now anyway?
The fourth moon of Yavin. I've given the coordinates to Chewbacca.
I don't see how we're going to find anything out here. This terrain is hopeless.
We must hurry to the base. We have little time before the Death Star arrives.
What about us? Are we to wait forever? Is our reward to be blown to bits on this forsaken system, while your fleet mounts some suicidal attack on that Death Star? Part of my reward is that I be around to spend it.
Organa Major is a rebel system. There will be quite a few starfleet patrols between here and there... It could be a little tricky if you want to avoid them... ten thousand.
You got yourself a ship. We can leave as soon as you're ready.
Who's the pilot?
I'd keep that thing close just in case, if I were you... I've been around from one end of the galaxy to the other and believe me this Force of Others stuff may make for good religion, but there is no substitute for a good weapon at your side.
You don't believe in the Force?
I found it... It's just not there.
You can't! We've come this far. We must find them...
Maybe you should just drop us off. I'm sure we can find someone willing to take the risk.
No, it's impossible... No one, and I mean no one would venture anywhere near the Alderaan system... I'm a free booter, not revolutionary. You're aboard the wrong ship, son!
Maybe the fact that no one would go there voluntarily could help us. They probably don't think anyone would dare try.
Well, I practice a lot...
You're good with 'remotes,' but how are you against something living?
Between his howling and your blasting everything in sight, the entire city is going to know we're here.
This isn't going to work.
Why didn't you say so before.
Something has happened to them. Let's try this way...
Let's try this way! Holy Maker.
I think she's going to be all right.
Is he afraid of the water?
Watch it! Move back.
It's only light that doesn't affect it. Solid things, like rocks, can hurt it! Fire above him!
Get to the ship!
I don't pick up any life form concentration down there. She'd better be right.
They must be shielded somehow. I'm sure the base is there.
You're a good pilot... I've learned a lot from you... I wish you...
I noticed you were having some problems, Blue Five... I thought I'd help.
A Wookiee broke loose up here, but we've subdued him... There is a lot of damage, and three, no four, casualties...
We'll send a squad up.
No need, everything's under control.
With four casualties?!
The... ah door's jammed. Give us a few minutes to get it fixed.
Enough! I already know about the data you've intercepted, but its' too late. Whatever information you've gathered will be destroyed... You will come to know such suffering as only the Master of the Bogan Force can provide...
You'll get no information from me. You have no authority... the council can't hold me!
The 'Death Star' has become operational. There is no force in the universe that can stop us now.
They'll find its weakness.
No!...
What is it? What's going on? Where are we?
I am Luke Starkiller at your service.
Are there medical facilities on Yavin?
And you?
I... I don't know. I guess I never thought about it... I just want to help. I want to be in on the attack. I want my own ship.
First thing tomorrow morning you're going to check those condensing units on the south ridge.
I will, but I'll have enough time to transmit my application first.
You'll check the condensing unit first... and you're not going to bed until those 'droids' are completely cleaned up...
But you promised! I've saved enough money and now you have the extra help ... you promised!
I said we'd see. And as it is, I was forced to borrow your academy savings to buy the new 'droids.' When you've saved it up again, I'll let you go.
You used my savings! You stole my savings. If my father were here...
Not unless you could get me into the military academy at Anchorhead.
I'm sorry, sir, I'm only a 'droid,' and not very knowledgeable of such things... not on this system anyway. As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure which system we're on.
That's all right. There is nothing anyone can do about it. You can call me Luke.
There's a lot of carbon scoring here. It looks like you boys have seen a lot of action...
You've been in the Counter Wars?... Against the Empire?
That's how we came to be in your service, if you take my meaning...
Tell me where you've been. I am going to become a startrooper and fight in the wars. My father was a Jedi! Were you in many battles?
According to my father's tapes, this is the spot where General Kenobi lives, but the instruments just don't match up with the landscape... There is no doubt about it, we're lost...
If you don't mind my saying so, sir, I don't see how anyone could live in this forsaken place.
What happened? I'm sorry, sir, I must have taken a bad step...
Can you stand? We've got to get out of here before those Tuskens come back.
I can't make it. You go on, master Luke. It doesn't make sense for you to risk yourself on my account. I'm done for.
I think we're going to need them. Blast it!
Sir, I have a couple of extra circuits. Perhaps they might bring something.
Let him have it. You're winning anyway. It doesn't make any difference.
Level five, Detention block A-23, cell 2187. She's still alive...
See Threepio... do you copy?
I read you sir.
You're back. What happened? Never mind. What's going on?
I'm afraid we're not plugged in at the moment, sir. We've had some problems.
Are you safe?
For the moment. We're in the main hangar. Artoo is trying to plug into the system now.
Wait a minute, slow down!... That's better. They're where? They what? They are? Oh, no! We're going to be mashed into conduit before this is over...
Holy Maker, Threepio. I forgot...
Are you there, sir? We're going...
Thank you, sir. Your kindness is greatly appreciated, but if it's at all possible, Artoo and I would like to remain in your service.
You got some guts for a rich kid. I guess you and me could be buddies.
What an honor...
What makes you think... you'll make... squad leader, Rico ?
Something... I've got...you don't.
You rich kids... are all the same !
Wanting it doesn't make you the best one for the job.
Oh, yeah ? I don't see anyone else here with the chops to lead.
Our love will grow, dear, year by year...
Funny how they always want to be your friends after they kick your guts out.
It's what I deserve.
Whad'ya talkin about ?
I joined up for her. I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for her. I'm a fool.
I say we all go to the laser parlor and get cut together.
No, this hurts.
Mobile Infantery rules !
Lieutenant's bought the farm. Where's the Sarge...?
Dizzy says you two knew this Rasczak character in Buenos Aires...
He was our teacher... He was great.
No way. Big K taught me I ain't executive material.
Jeez, we musta killed a million already...!
We got reinforced. Most of'em just got outa boot...
We'll take this high ground. Lookouts there and therte and up there. If the bugs come upstairs in this neighbor-hood, we'll be the first to know.
Got it. Fleet tactical wants to know where they can deploy the skimmers.
Mr. Barcalow, save power, don't waste it on workers... Ace, tell Aardvark we're on our way...
Saddle up, Roughnecks !
Rico, did you give the recruit permission to remove his helmet ?
Sir, yes, sir. Breckinridge reported a helmet malfunction, and I asked him to show it to me, sir.
Are you rated to repair a Marauder power suit, Rico ?
Sir, no, sir.
Then why did you order your man to remove his helmet during a live fire exercise ?
Do you freely admit to the charges made against you ?
Sir, I wish to reconsider my request to drop out, sir.
Sorry, son. I can't do it. You signed the 1240/A. It would be illegal.
You still haven't kissed her yet ? Don't lie.
What's the hurry ?
Did you read her mind ?
Yeah, but I want Carmen.
Don't think about it... go on instinct.
Statistically speaking you should've accidentally guessed right by know.
How do you make him do that ?
Ten of clubs. You still gonna sign up for Starside R&D ?
Passport to the Universe. Who wouldn't want that ?
I've been thinking about applying for Federal Service, too. Fleet, maybe.
Your father will never let you.
I'm eighteen. It's my decision, I think I'd make a pretty good pilot. I've good great reflexes. You need that for maneuvering, you know.
Only 1 in 14 male applicants make it through stellar navigation. So what do you think your chances are ?
Eight point... no, uh, seven...
If you can't do those numbers, you haven't got a chance.
All I know is Carmen's going to be a citizen, and I don't think it'll work out for us if I'm not.
I don't believe it !
Please continue, Sergeant.
Johnny, I'm sorry it had to be your unit on Planet P. That mission had a very low survival probability...
Bugs laid a trap, didn't they ?
You don't approve. Well, too bad. We're in this for the species, boys and girls. It's simple numbers, they have more, and everyday I have to make decisions that send hundreds of people like you to their deaths.
Hope you're ready for more. We're going back to P to capture that Brain.
The Roughnecks are always ready, sir.
I hear they need a new Lieutenant... Want the job ?
You always told me you couldn't do human...
Are you alright ?
So what are you doing later ?
Everyone is going to the dance. Aren't you ?
I'm all ears.
Johnny, this is Zander.
Hey ! What are you doing here ?
Assistant insructor... You must be some kind of a hot stick. Should I call you "sir" ?
It's amazing, us running into each other like this. Maybe it's fate.
In simulation, my supervisors could never keep up.
This isn't simulation anymore. Take'er out easy, cadet.
Oh, yes, sir. Vector ?
Or...?
They revoke our flight status.
Thanks. You read my mind. Third watch always seems to last forever.
Profile's wrong... there.
No, I replotted the course. It's more efficient this way.
Three weeks aboard a starship and you know it all, huh ?
You know I was talking to Captain, Deladier, and she said...
Don't change the subject. Am I right ?
Well, whad'ya know...
Don't mess with the boss. So what'd the captain say ?
She got a command... and she thinks we oughta team up officially and crew for her. She thinks we're good together.
I want to be part of the best flight team in the Fleet...
WHERE IS IT ?
THERE ! GRAVITY FIELD... IT'S BIG !
Everything coposetic, Lieutenant ?
Johnny, wait...
Let's disregaed rank... Everybody hear that ? Rank is not an issue here.
I was thinking. Maybe we should get married, Carmen.
You weren't thinking...you were dreaming !
If we're gonna be a team, why not be a real team ?
There's a war on. I want a command, I want my own ship, you do, too...
So ?
Fleet encourages marriages among flight officers. You'd probably get a promotion out of it.
Funny...
I'm not kidding. Marriage is -
No, funny there's almost no wounded at all.
Carmen...?
I'm sorry, Carmen.
No, I... Oh, Zander, I'm a fool.
Where are you going ?
A funeral.
That girl who died on the way up ...his girl ?
Yeah.
How do you feel about him now ?
I don't know, Zander.
I thought I was dead. Lucky for me you jokers showed up, eh ?
It wasn't luck. Rico ignored the mission objective to rescue you...
Zander, what are you doing ?
Just giving you something to remember me by, baby.
Good for you.
She's flying starships !
Who ?
Marco's sister. Can you imagine maneuvering half a million tons through crwoded space lanes... You gotta have nerves of steel ! Reflexes are critical
Eeuch !
Well, if that's the crop, that must be the gastric caecal...
35% on the math final ! No one could be that dumb with numbers.
Well, at least you didn't lose your lunch over a bug. How embarassing.
Who cares about bugs ? You can't go anywhere if you don't know math.
Don't be so sure. I like you even if you are dumb with numbers.
Then how come you won't hold hands with me at school ?
I don't want everyone to see.
Why won't you kiss me when we're all alone ?
How come that's all you talk about anymore ?
You can't walk me home.
Why not ?
I thought you were going to help Carl.
Carl can wait.
What's he got against me... I mean, I 'm a teenager. You can't be a citizen when you're only a teenager !
It's not you, Johnny. Your parents are rich they don't need to be citizens, and that stuff means a lot to my dad. He's a veteran.
Well, if your dad doesn't like me, how come we're such good friends ?
Isn't it great to be in love ?
How do I know if this is love ?
Romance is just a vestigial biological response to procreation...
Wait, I want to talk to Mr. Rasczak.
None at all... We won.
He just got accepted to the Fleet Academy. Isn't that great ?
Yeah, sure, I guess.
No, I mean if he can get in, maybe I have a chance.
What are you talking about ? We both know you're gonna be a pilot.
Zander is going for pilot, too.
Johnny Rico, you're jealous !
I can't help it.
He's nothing like you.
Are you the boy for me ?
Everyone's looking... we shouldn't...
Who cares ?
I love you, Carmen.
I wonder where Carl is. You don't suppose...?
He was in the group with me. I guess he didn't...
Hey, Carl, what's wrong ?
Games & Theory ? That's Military Intelligence... Oh, Carl !
Let's all make a vow. Let's swear we'll always be friends no matter what.
You're late.
Poor boy. I'm sorry your parents were so mad.
You talk to Carl ?
I'm gonna miss you.
I'll miss you, too, Johnny.
Com'on, just say it. Try it on for size.
Do you mean it ?
Shhhh...!
What happened to your hair ?
What do you think ? Everyone did it when we got our wings. You don't like it, do you ?
It's funny. Sometimes I forget. Then it hits me, and I can't stop crying.
I try just to be happy I'm still alive.
You don't look very happy to see me.
Should I be ?
What's wrong with you ?
Johnny...! I thought you were dead !
...I'm sorry.
We gotta choke on the mud and the blood and Fleet can't be bothered to spit.
I thought you were KIA, Johnny...
That was just a mix up.
You look so... I don't know, you look like you've really been in it.
Almost got knocked out of the sky over Big K.
Well, look at this. The three of us back together again.
Take care, wilya Johnny ?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA !
Which way ?
Pilot Trainee Ibanez reporting for duty, ma'am.
Take the number one chair, Ibanez. Follow all instructions of you supervisor.
Alright, take her out, Ibanez.
Good work, Number 1. You'll do.
Plasma, ma'am... from the planet.
Where's Lieutenant Barcalow ?
This is Rodger Young, we're going down... Repeat, this is Rodger Young, we're going down...!
Leave me, Lieutenant ! That's an order !
Steady as she goes, number one. Prepare for warp. Number two, design for Jupiter orbit.
Report.
Where'd it come from ?
Trajectory indicates it came out of the Arachnid Quarantine Zone.
This isn't random or light. Someone made amistake...!
A lot can happen in three minutes.
What ?
You were drifting. Flip six, three hole. On one, got it ?
Hey, Rico, wanna dance ?
Actually, Diz, I promised Carmen...
You still gonna play for Brazil ?
Looks like, unless Tokyo lets me start.
Well, anyone who gets you is lucky.
Can't we just be friends, Diz ?
Sure.
Uh, look, Diz...
Guess you gotta go.
Hey, amigo, come chow with me.
No thanks, Diz.
What's your malfunction, Rico ?
You are. I joined up to get out on my own. And you had to tag along.
What ? You think I joined the Mobile Infantery because of you ?
Man, they're defended... no way in.
Flip six, three hole.
What ?
Cover me.
It stinks, you goin.
I don't stay where I'm not wanted.
If they didn't want you, they woulda kicked you out, amigo.
Well, see ya.
You take the stroll down Washout Lane, you're only proving one thing, Johnny.
What's that, Diz ?
Way to go, amigo !
C'mon...
Nah, I don't do that anymore...
You used to dance...
I said no. Want me to pull rank ?
Hey, Diz...
Planet P ? What kind of name is that ?
Diz, see what you can do.
What frequency ?
All bands.
I bought the farm, didn't I, Johnny ?
No, you're gonna be alright, Diz !
Johnny, people get hurt... people get killed in the Federal Service. If something happened to you I don't know what I would do...
Good good, then it's all settled.
Why did you go and do that ? He was all ready to go Zegema Beach !
...CUT OFF !
Don't talk like that. Get yourself home as fast as you can.
We'll all have dinner. I'll fix your favorite.
Oh, my, what's that ?
Looks like rain.
This came for you today. I presume on your request.
Have you lost you lost your mind ? I'd rather take ten lashes in Public Square than see you ruin your life.
Mr. Rasczak.
Rasczak... Silly name. There ought to be a law against using a school as a recruiting station !
No, Mr. Rasczak doesn't do that at all. He sorta discourages you really.
Good, because you're going to Harvard, and that's the end of it.
I'm eighteen. It's my decision.
A trip to the Outer Rings. Whad'ya think of that ?
Wait a minute ! Carl is doing his Federal and he isn't inferior. He's the smartest kid at school !
You'll resign, and that's all there is to it. It might look bad, but if that's the worst you suffer...
I won't quit !
I'm telling you, you will ! You're not going back. You're going to go on vacation !
Well, it's just good to hear from you. What's up, son ?
We must be right over the colony. Let's get some air support, eh ?
Corporal, I want pulse cannons there and there ! Rifle teams, spread out along the ridge ! Sugar, bring up that flame thrower !
Fleet's pulling the battle group back to safe distance... They'd like us to knock out those batteries, sir.
I don't understand it, Lieutenant. It's not getting anything from 4th Brigade... not even their transponder.
Gillespie, put in call for retrieval. We're off this rock. Gillespie, do you read me ?
At 0821 we received a distress call from Planet P, priority code, requesting reinforcement...
I thought 4th brigade cleaned out P.
Owen reported the eradication of a low generation colony a month ago. That's why MICOM wants onsite assessment.
Take your group down to P and have a look see. Leave the thinking to us, Lieutenant. That's not your job.
My job is to protect the lives of my soldiers so they can kill bugs, Major, and if you're walking me into a trap-
Seeing as how we're about all that's left of 1st Brigade, you'd have to call that an improvement. You top kick ?
Are you kidding ? They always get killed. You want the job ?
I always wanted to go to Zegema Beach.
You knew the Lieutenant before the war... What was he like ?
He was a teacher , kind of a know it all... Always had this little smile.
Geez, I don't think I've ever seen him smile.
Smith, GO ! McIntire, GO ! Flores, GO ! Rico, I'm making you sqaud leader !
Sir, thank you, sir !
The Marauder power suit will prevent serious injury, but if you are hit, you will be non-operational and your team score will suffer accordingly. Rico, has each member of your squad completed a weapons safety check ?
Is that your signature, Rico ?
Sir, yes it is, sir.
No talking please. I'm going to ask you some questions. Please answer all questions truthfully. We'll know if you don't. Birthplace ?
Are your parents currently citizens ?
No, sir.
Which do you think is more important, courage or confidence ?
Courage, I guess.
Please complete this sentence. I want to be citizen because...
Who said you could grow up so fast ? Last time I checked you were only five years old. You had such a bright little face...
Wait you two. Dad and I have a surprise for you that will settle this. Can you guess what it is ?
I don't know what they teach at Harvard, but I think I'm pretty good enough the way I am !
Johnny, please. Calm yourself.
Well, yeah, sure...
Hello... Oh, Johnny...!
Hi, mom.
Well, of course you should come home immedietly !
Don't get any ideas. She's my girl.
Best in the Fleet !
You got something to say about the Mobile Infantery ?
You heard me. Wanna make something out of it, private ?
On whose authority, Corporal ?
You're standing on my H.Q., Lieutenant !
This is a Fleet-driven operation, son, and the Fleet thinks my boat will be safer on the high ground. You can have everything else, eh ?
Rodger Young, prepare to receice outgoing fire...! I'll take the first group.
What's your problem now, Lieutenant ?
We're outa here. Lieutenant, get your men into the skimmers. This real estate's about to go buggy.
What do you think you're doing ?
I'm gonna save Carmen.
That would mean a comlete disregard for the mission objective. They hang you for that, Rico.
Let's go.
Can you walk ?
Not a problem.
How bad are you, pal ?
Alright, we're gonna carry you...
Don't be a hero...
This is Rodger Young... What's going on down there ? We're taking plasma ! We have Orion P-11 as clear !
SHUT UP, SIR ! We need pick up now !
What is your position ?
Landing zone is extremely hostile. Come down on this transmission !
Inside 4th brigade compound ? That's crazy !
You. Tell me the moral difference, if any, between the citizen and the civilian ?
The difference lies in the field of civic virtue. A citizen accepts personal responsibility for the safety of the body politic, of which he is a member, defending it, if need be, with his life. The civilian does not.
The exact words of the text. But do you understand it ? Do you believe it ?
Uh, I don't know.
Mister Rasczak ?
What is it, Rico ?
I just wanted to say thanks 'cause History and Moral Philosophy was the best class I had this year.
Well, it's not really my job to please. Hope you learned something.
I wanna join up, Mr. Rasczak. I think I have what it take to be a citizen.
Good for you. Go find out.
Well, my parents are against it, and I know it's my choice, but I was wondering... What would you do if you were me ?
Where'd you learn to do that, soldier ?
Uni High Tigers, sir. Don't you remember ? I was captain of the team.
All dead except one, sir.
Kill the bitch.
Yopu asked me some advice once, Rico. Want some now ?
Yes, sir...
Corporal, the Roughnecks are moving out for Planet P immediately. Get yourself squared away and report to Gillespie for logistics.
Yes, sir !
Rico, you're acting Sergeant now. My last Sergeant lost the com pack. Put together a search team and find the radio shack. We need retrieval.
What's that look like to you, Rico ?
Warm it all up ! Everything you got ! Levy, collect the big guns from the towers. Watkins, put General Owen with the wounded. Rico, where's my communications ?
Sergeant, secure the boat !
AAAAAAAAAAAA !
Hit your jets, sir !
Rico, tell'em to glass this goddam planet. I've never seen so many bugs upstairs at the same time...
This is my farm. Get on the boat, NOW ! That's an order, Sergeant.
Who is...'V'ger'...?
V'ger is that which programmed me.
Where is Lt. Ilia?
Why does V'ger travel to the third planet of the solar system directly ahead?
Find the Creator? <U>What</U> Creator? <U>Whose</U>...!? What does V'ger want of the 'Creator'... ?
The Creator is that which created V'ger.
Who is V'ger?
The examination is a normal function.
<U>Why</U>...?!
The carbon-units infection will now be removed from the Creator's planet.
<U>Why</U>?!
The Creator has not answered.
The carbon-units are not responsible for that.
Disclose the information.
Not until V'ger withdraws the devices orbiting the third planet.
Kirk-unit, <U>why</U> do you not disclose information?
Because V'ger is going to destroy all the carbon units on the third planet.
They have repressed the Creator.
Then V'ger must withdraw its orbiting devices.
Our data is being prepared.
<U>Answer</U>!
The crews of the previous Enterprises were also carbon units. In what way is the life form in your vessel different?
Carbon units are not true life forms... Do those images repre- sent how Enterprise has evolved into its present form?
Yes.
Carbon units have clearly retarded Enterprise's proper evolvement.
What is Enterprise's proper evolvement?
Enterprise would be unable to function <U>without</U> carbon units.
What does that mean?
Within you are memory patterns of a carbon unit. If I can help you revive these patterns; you could understand our functions better.
Does V'ger object to the presence of the two carbon units?
You said V'ger's purpose was to find and join with the Creator.
A machine...! Then it had to be programmed. By <U>whom</U>...?
By the Creator.
To join, and become One with the Creator?
As I stated, V'ger calls to the Creator.
V'ger is announcing that it has arrived, sir -- that it's ready to deliver the information it was programmed to collect...
'To learn all that is learnable.'
And when V'ger melds? What will happen to you?
Departure angle on viewer.
It is a courier, Captain. Grade One priority. Non-belligerency confirmed.
Deck four, Captain; Officers' Quarters...!
Sir! Airlock four has been opened; a thruster suit is reported missing!
Mr. Chekov, when do those devices activate?
They reach final position in... Twenty-seven minutes -- mark.
Tractor beam strength lessening, Captain.
I'm taking over the Center seat. I'm sorry, Will.
You are what...?
You'll stay aboard as Executive Officer... a temporary grade reduction to Commander.
-- You, personally, are assuming command?
Yes.
May I ask Why?
My experience -- five years out there dealing with unknowns like this -- my familiarity with the Enterprise, this crew...
That's why you're staying aboard. I'm sorry, Will.
We'll have to replace Commander Sonak. I'd still like a Vulcan there, if possible...
None available, Captain. There's no one in fact, who's fully rated on this design.
Programming ready?
... but I still recommend further simulation study.
Explanation, Mr. Decker: Why was my phaser order countermanded?
Then you acted properly, of course.
Thank you, sir. I'm sorry I embar- rassed you.
You saved the ship.
I'm aware of that, sir.
Stop competing with me, Decker!
Permission to speak freely, sir?
Granted.
I trust you will... nursemaid me through these difficulties, Mister?
If our Executive Officer has no objections...?
Of course not. I'm aware of Mister Spock's qualifications.
Recommend defensive posture, Captain: Screens and shields.
Captain, we've seen what their weapons can do. Shouldn't we take every possible precaution -- ?
I advise caution, Captain; we can't withstand another attack.
That's precisely the point, Captain. We don't know it will do. Moving into the cloud -- at this time, is an unwarranted gamble.
How do you define <U>unwarranted</U>, <U>mister</U>?!
<U>Computer off</U>!
It's taken control of the computer...!
The ship is under attack...! Man all defensive stations...!
Why bring us inside? Not to destroy us; they could have done that outside.
Captain, what's the next move?
Well, Mr. Decker, it seems my bluff is being called.
, if we do not provide V'ger with certain information, we won't have twenty-two <U>seconds</U>; the plan must be implemented upon arrival.
Captain, we can't be sure that our... move... will actually save Earth.
Mr. Decker... I will contact you every five minutes. Otherwise... inform Mr. Scott immediately.
The fault is here, sir, not in the transmission. The antenna leads have been disconnected. V'ger never intended to accept a transmitted signal.
Capture God! In order to retrieve V'ger's data, the Creator has to physically come here!...
And plug the signal directly into the circuitry at this... ... point here, Captain. It should pick up even a tricorder playback.
They may have attacked only as a warning to us, Captain. To keep away.
We could have cut it off at the main computer...
Captain... this probe may be a key a key to the Aliens.
It's a programmed <U>mechanism</U>, Mr. Spock...
Exactly. And you did have a 'relationship' with Lieutenant Ilia, Commander.
Then V'ger believes the Creator to be a <U>machine</U> too.
Forward motion, Captain...!
Mr. Spock, what would V'ger need to fulfill itself?
That transmitter is a vital link between V'ger and the Creator.
Jim... he <U>wants</U> it.
Hello, Ilia.
I now the Captain meant no person- al insult.
Negative control from inertial lag will continue 22 point five seconds before forward velocity slows to sub-light speed.
Navigational deflectors inoperative...! Directional control also inoperative, Captain...!
Was he difficult?
No more than I expected Not as difficult as this. I'm sorry...
That you left? or that you didn't say 'goodbye'?
If I'd seen you again, would you have been able to say it?
Lieutenant Ilia reporting for duty, sir.
'Commander' Decker?
And in you, too, Lieutenant.
Time to impact...?
Twelve seconds...!
Five minutes to Cloud boundary!
Mr. Spock?
Transmit, Mr. Spock! Now!
Thirty seconds to Cloud boundary...
Fifteen seconds to Cloud Boundary.
I appreciate the welcome; I wish the circumstances were less critical. Epsilon Nine is monitoring the intruder; keep a channel open to them. Where is Captain Decker?
Maneuvering thrusters, Mister Sulu.
Maneuvering thrusters, sir.
Hold station.
Ahead Warp One, Mr Sulu.
Mr. Sulu, steady as she goes.
Reduce magnification. Factor 4, Mr. Sulu.
We're already two settings below that, sir.
One hundred kilometers...
Viewer ahead.
Maneuvering thrusters, Mr. Sulu; ahead one third. Full sensor scan, Mr. Spock; they can't expect us <U>not</U> to look them over now!
Hold station...!
Clear the bridge, Captain...?
Admiral, I've been hoping to see you. Maybe you can get through to those thick heads in Starfleet that...
Why aren't the Enterprise transporters in operation, Mister Scott?
We're hoping it's only a temporary problem, Admiral...
Admiral, the Enterprise has just finished eighteen months redesign- ing and refitting. She needs testing, a shakedown...
The crew hasn't had near enough transition time with all the new equipment. And the engines, Admiral: they've yet to be even tested at warp power. Add to that, an untried Captain...
We're losing the pattern...!
Reporting as ordered, Captain.
Sir, I would appreciate Dr. McCoy absenting himself from this interview.
You've reported that you felt strong thought emotions. A group of minds from a space vessel? Could you make out any plan, anything to do with Earth?
Also -- there was nothing in your report about <U>why</U> you're here.
I still contain fragments of my human half.
And whatever you sensed out here....
Let it drop, Bones. You are my Science Officer -- I'll expect an <U>immediate</U> report on anything further you learn or <U>sense</U> from here on.
I have accepted service here as a Starfleet officer... sir.
Do <U>not</U> return scan, Mr. Spock! It may be misinterpreted as hostility!
Captain, I suspect there's an object at the heart of that cloud.
They have... they <U>have</U> been communicating with us. I sense ... <U>puzzlement</U>. Why have we not replied?
It appears that our message has been understood, Captain.
The 'puzzlement' I sensed was fleeting... minor... ... as if carrying a sense of our insignificance, Captain.
We are obviously confronted by a highly advanced mentality... yet they cannot understand who we are, or what we want.
Recommend we proceede, Captain.
No vessel could generate a powerfield of this magnitude...
That vessel is generating a forcefield measurably greater than the radiation of the Earth's sun.
Captain, we have been seized by a tractor beam...!
We cannot break free, Captain. We do not have a fraction of the power necessary.
Have you been able to analyze <U>any</U> of this...?
They had a pattern to follow...
... they may have followed it <U>too</U> precisely.
Spock? Concerned about his chances?
Bridge, cancel rescue teams. Spock, what in the hell are you doing out here!
I am seeking answers, Captain.
It would appear that the atomic arrays of these crystals store information. A remarkably efficient system.
And these 'sensor-swarms' collect that data, carry it here.
Klingons... our Epsilon 9 station ... and Ilia!! They seem to be more than just images...
If this is their ship's data banks, where is the crew? Or is their entire ship automated?
Were you right? Spock? V'ger is a living machine...?
What should you have known?
No meaning... No hope... And, Jim, no answers...! Jim, it's looking for <U>answers</U> <U>itself</U>!
What answers?
These read as identical composition... ... however, Captain, they measure several hundred times more powerful!
Child...!?
The orbiting devices would be controlled from the point, then...?
Not for us?
Has not, Doctor -- and now, because of what we are planning... will not...
Captain, the orbital device will not be triggered for twenty-two minutes...
The point...
V'ger plans to literally <U>meld</U> to reduce both itself and the Creator to patterns...
There's no way to know. V'ger expected it to be a machine -- some single entity. All of us here may be reduced into patterns...
Spock, we <U>were</U> its answer!
Yes, Captain. It needed our mortality, the fear of it, our struggle against it, our fears, our dreams...
... and the 'foolish' emotions which drive us?
You've received your appointment as Enterprise Science Officer?
Based, I am told, on your recommendation, Admiral. Thank you.
Why aren't you on board?
Captain Decker requested I complete final Science briefing here before...
Here at Starfleet...? The Enterprise is in final preparation to leave dock...
Which will require twenty more hours at minimum, Admiral...
Twelve! I'm on my way to a meeting with Admiral Nogura which will not last more than three minutes. Report to me on the Enterprise in one hour.
To you, sir?
Captain, we need further Warp simulation on the flow sensors...
Warp Drive as soon as possible, Mr. Scott.
Captain, it was our anti-matter imbalance that created the wormhole in the first place. It will happen again if we don't correct it.
That object out there is less than two days from Earth, Mister Scott. We've got to intercept while it still is out there!
Engineering... Status, Mr. Scott?
We're ready, sir.
Transporters Room and Chief Engineer Scott report trans- porter system fully repaired and now functioning normally, sir.
Dock control reports ready, sir.
Negative helm control, Captain! Going reverse on impulse power...!
Starfleet signals, sir, growing in strength... They -- have Intruder on their monitors -- it's decelerating -- powerfield cloud beginning to dissipate...
The third one is moving off too -- a fourth one is forming...
Starfleet has been apprised of our situation, Captain.
Evening, Annie.
Cal...
Annie...got an umbrella...?
Nope.
Then you'll be wet.
Mom's expecting you for dinner tonight.
I'll be there.
You bringing your new friend?
Sure plan to.
He have any special dietary requirements...?
He'll eat potroast and like it.
Go you Huskies?
You're doing a <u>Play</u>...
...small town. I suppose. You have to make your own fun.
Northern Books. What can I do for you?
I need a typewritter.
I want to rent this one.
Why don't you buy it, only forty bucks.
I have one, but they lost it.
Who?
The people in New Hampshire.
That's why they have state borders... whyn't you get a replacement?
Well, it had sentimental value.
You buy the typewriter, I'll get it all spruced up, good as new. Better than new. It has some history.
Other one has history, too. I wrote my play on it.
You wrote a play on it, what play is that?
You haven't heard of it.
What's it called?
So young, so unlined, so full of promise. So innocent.
I quit.
You quit.
I quit the movie.
Why did you quit?
Actually, I'm not sure if I quit. I think that I got fired. I'm such a liar. I never could tell the truth.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
I just got kicked off my first movie.
Well. Everybody has reversals. If you were never down how would you know when you were up?
That's good. That's really good. You have a gift for words.
You like my play.
Yes.
Why?
It's about life.
Could you tell me when's the next train?
No, of course, you don't want to talk about it.
I...
No, of course, you want to get out of town.
Ever wonder why the dalmation's the symbol of the firehouse?
First organized fire department was on the border of Dalmatia and Sardinia in the year 642.
But why the dalmation?
You get what you pay for.
That's true. You grow up here?
...that...that he <u>prayed</u> for a second chance. But...do you see?
Yes.
That, he says, there <u>are</u> no second chances...that he's been presented what he <u>prayed</u> for...and: he's ruined it.
Yes...
But, but but but...
No, no, I see...
That: in an act of...
Yes...
Of <u>mercy</u>...off...
I understand...
...that...he <u>sees</u> that...
As the Old Mill goes around...
Of course, of course that's what I'm <u>saying</u>. As the Old Mill goes around, he <u>sees</u>...
Of course.
...that it has been vouchsafed to him.
That's that's that's that's beautiful...
Well. It was a pleasure meeting you.
And likewise.
Goodbye.
So that the Old Mill, the Old <u>Mill</u> represents...the wheel of fate is that too...
No, no. Of course, that's <u>exactly</u> what it represents...
The, the, the, the <u>sanctity</u> of everyday things...
Everyday things...yes.
For example, he's just come back from a <u>fire</u> and he...um... That's a fine house. You look at that, and you know, there's nice people that live there.
I live there.
Really. With the porch swing and everything...
I don't mean to impose, but...do you think we might...
...that's what the swing is <u>there</u> for...thats its <u>purpose</u>, <u>isn't</u> it...
...such a pleasant sound.
Mmm.
Cause, cause, it's...it's the <u>simple</u> things, that...
Yes...
...who...?
Well, I guess I'll...get down to the station. It was lovely meeting...
Hi.
What are you doing? I love your script.
They decided, I decided to, to...You love what?
You're still here.
I...I decided to give it another chhh...
In fact, in fact, in fact, I'm not sure if I'm giving <u>them</u> a second chance, or they're giving it to me. That's the truth. The truth's best, don't you think?
You'd know better'n me.
How can you <u>say</u> that?
It's in your script...it's about getting a second chance. Innit? "You <u>can</u> go back..."
I <u>can</u>?
You bet your life. "The mill wheel goes around...some times it's even under water -- then it rises up, as high as it can go..."
But how do I...how do I do a film called "The Old Mill," when I don't have an old mill?
What I need to <u>say</u>...
<u>Yes</u>...
About <u>conflict</u>...
That's why you didn't want to take the <u>Mill</u> out...you've...
...the, the, the symbol of the fire...
The <u>Firehouse</u>...
I...
But but but but but it's better <u>without</u>...
<u>How</u>...?
Wait wait wait wait wait he gets a second chance, do you see? And <u>you</u> get a second chance!
No, I don't...
This is, look: Go you Huskies. ...what <u>I</u> see you saying, is: you have the two elements, Fire and <u>Water</u>. The Firehouse, and the <u>Old Mill</u>...Do you know, you could...
What are you <u>doing</u> tonight?
Me?
Tonight, tonight, I...I have play practice...
Hello.
I thought you had Play Practice.
Don't look good for "Trial of the Heart."
Well, then, it don't look good for the Huskies...
What happened?
Cast stood me up.
Uh huh.
"Rise, one need not bend the knee before the throne of justice."
What?
What are you doing down there?
My glasses fell apart. I lost the...
...lost the screw...
You like kids?
Never saw the point of 'em.
Me, too. You have a paperclip?
Paperclip?
Fix my glasses.
Gonna' be good as new.
Great. Who is it...?
"Room Service!"
Would you put on your cl... Just leave it outside.
I'm gonna be your typist for this evening.
Oh, God...
And here's some hydrogen peroxide.
I don't drink.
It's for your finger.
Hi.
Thank you.
Read the card.
"To the love of my life, Love, Doug"?
The other side.
Don't you think you should put them in water?
Why?
Start? This isn't a good time.
Oh. That's alright. Then I'll come back at a better time. What would be a better time?
Later on.
Then I'll come back, then.
You, um, you, um, you going out with your fiance?
You can do it.
Because I'd met someone else.
Oh <u>okay</u>.
You believe that?
But it's absurd.
So is our electoral process. But we still vote.
Do you truly believe the electoral process is absurd?
I used to go out with a politician.
You used to go out with him, you broke up with him?
Sure did.
Why?
Time for a change. Keep your margins straight.
Yes.
Good morning to <u>you</u>...whatsa matter?
I can't get it to come out right.
What's the scene...
It used to be the Old Mill.
What've you got?
What about...what about...it's so presumptuous of me, to be, to be telling <u>you</u> how to wr...
<u>Please</u>...
Ah. Ah. Ah...
...he stuck a fishhook in it.
She <u>realizes</u> -- it was not the fire which <u>hurt</u> him...that the <u>true</u> hurt was her. Was her...
...yes.
...her unbridled sexuality. That he...
...yes.
Because it's about <u>purity</u>...
That's...that's <u>exactly</u> what it's about. Take...
That's right...
Hi.
Hi.
Where you going?
Going home, yeah. I told them what you said...
What?
I didn't say anything special, I was just talking out loud.
...how <u>else</u> can you talk?
No, that's true.
Yessuh. Joseph Knights printshop. Vacant for thirty years.
Is it...
Would you like to <u>see</u> it? I've got the key back at my store...
How's your star?
Gosh, you look nice.
What would you do with it, the printshop...
Press still works.
It does?
Best way I know to get ink on your hands.
You'd do the newspaper right here.
That's something a man could do...?
You know what else a man can do?
Pelting down out there.
Good morning.
Sleep well?
Yeah, you?
Oh yeah.
I've been thinking: look at this: we live up here...
Yes...
We could live up here, live up in the country.
Now you're talking...
...and we could get up every morning...
...well, we do that <u>anyway</u>...
And come to the printshop. You know <u>why</u>...?
...the better to eat me with, your dear?
To print the newspaper. And I'd come to <u>write</u>. To write. To write. Right here in the office.
Not without a rolltop desk.
Well, I could <u>get</u> a rolltop desk.
Happen to know where there's one for sale.
Lookit that, up already.
What is it all about?
What am I gonna do?
You got to tell em that you saw the accident. Don't you?
I can't do that. If I tell them, they'll, if I <u>tell</u> them, they'll try Bob for rape, they'll...it'll ruin his career...
But that's what happened.
But it'll stop the movie.
Maybe they'll be <u>other</u> movies.
They'll...they'll <u>blackball</u> me...
Carla was in the car, right?
I...I <u>think</u> that's right...
What are you going to do?
I'll wait for you...I'm proud of you. I'll <u>be</u> waiting.
If I go to jail...?
I'm glad you asked...I'll <u>tell</u> you what was wrong with it. And what was wrong with it was it was behind the times. Now: You want to bring <u>business</u> into this town? You have to plan for a Waterford that Does Not Exist. Not at the moment, <u>no</u>...
Morning, darling.
S'Okay, Maude. You know your lines...?
Well, I for one, am glad of a little diversion and I'm glad they're here...
Annie: you stick to the Amateur Theatricals. This isn't quite the same thing, you see? This is Big Business, in which, our Life... ...s'no less a <u>commodity</u> than...than our...
Water or mineral deposits.
We on for tomorrow night?
After Drama Group.
Drama Group?
Tuesdays and Thursdays. But after Play Practice, I'm yours.
And I might have something important to tell you...
What is it, a surprise?
Waal, <u>there</u> you are, and Have I Got Some News for <u>You</u>...
What, what what are you doing here?
Yes, that's right.
Look at this. Do you know what they're offering? Look at this. They treat us like we're their backyard. Do you know what they're offering for three days to close down Main Street?
What are they offering?
Ten thousand dollars.
That's so beautiful...
"The mill grinds the grain, but the grain is not destroyed. <u>Although</u> it is altered..."
Hi!
We had a date.
We did...?
Where have you been...
I've been thinking.
Where have you been, we had a date for <u>three</u>...where have you <u>been</u>...?
I have to tell you something...
Well, I <u>know</u>, because they <u>told</u> me you were with that writer from the, you see, this is what I mean, the whole <u>town</u> has been warped by the, by, by the presence of the movie company, they holler, and we jump, you have a <u>date</u>, they call, you're doing business nine o'clock at night. It isn't...
I wasn't doing business.
Oh. What were you doing, then, that's so important that you shouldn't call your fian...
It's all over between us, Doug, I'm sorry, but that's the truth. I've found someone else, and, it's very serious and it's the end. I'm sorry. It isn't <u>you</u>, j...
Wai...It's so serious you couldn't call to tell me you'd be...what...? What did you say...?
It's all over between us. I've found someone else.
Let me review here: You're...what are you...you've...it's all over between us?
I'm sorry.
Who is this person that you've found?
He works on the movie.
No. Don't tell me that.
I'm sorry.
I know em, I don't know what order they come in...
Maude, this <u>man</u> wrote this <u>play</u>!
That a fact. Now, is it a good play?
Yes, Maude, it is. It is a <u>very</u> good play.
Well, then, what's he doing here?
Mornin', Doc...
He had a hard day. Ann's deserted him for some guy on the movie.
Well, they don't always leave with the ones they came in with.
Big day last night.
Cluster of events. Don't see something, ten years, allasudden. Three times inna night.
What courthouse?
Courthouse back in town.
Town ain't got no courthouse.
What?
Well, where do they hold court?
But, does it have to be an Old Mill?
<u>Wonderful</u> scr...
They're holding it for ransom.
What's an Associate Producer credit?
It'll hurt the box office.
He's on the ph...
Mitch, th'Marty Rossen, I'm here in...
Wat...
Rewrites that Bob Barrenger requested... the "dead horse scene," the...
Marty, it's Howie Gold on the coast, he needs your confirmation on a request for money...?
<u>This</u> is your movie, this is small town America.
A jacket for five dollars...I can buy this town for fifty bucks.
You told me that about the <u>last</u> town.
Yeah, but they never made a movie here.
I'm bleeding, Bill, I'm <u>bleeding</u>...
...why am I here...?
Waterford, Vermont.
...you got to get me that street for nothing...
I will.
Because, because...we don't <u>have</u> to build an Old Mill -- they <u>have</u> an Old Mill -- <u>yeah</u>. It's on a stream -- that's where you <u>put</u> a mill.
...they run on water.
Fourteen year old girls.
It's Marty on the Coast -
How big is this horse?
Fifteen hands.
What is that in fingers...? Just kidding, get me this horse.
This horse is booked.
Have you got the new pages on the Old Mill? Hey, Bob.
Hey, Tommy. Heard your wife's having a baby.
That's right.
You know who the <u>father</u> is...?
They think it's your First Wife...
Okay, look, you, what is she, 19, twenty...oh Christ...
Uh, <u>look</u>....
Then she wasn't in the car. <u>Say</u> it.
She wasn't in the...
...upset and impressionable... Get me the Mayor...
...I was just talking to that girl in the other room.
...overcome by the events around her, the presence of a high-powered...
I never touched her. My mother's gr...
Stay ready. Stay by yourself in your room.
What'll I do for fun?
Whyn't you learn your lines?
Bobby, don't say anything.
I saw Desert Sun, I wanna tell you...
No, I was, I was, I was just <u>learning</u> on, it's a...
How'd you like working with Richard Hill?
I loved it...he...
Isn't he...
That makes a <u>lot</u> of sense, Claire, that makes a lot of...list...listen, cause the audience isn't <u>coming</u> to see your breasts. They are coming to see you <u>act</u>. What are you doing this evening...?
Mornin, sister.
We missed you in Church today, Frank.
The prices are going up.
Well, I'm pretty impolite. Would you like some?
I don't eat vegetables.
Well, I can offer you something to drink?
Sure, what have you got?
What do you drink?
Bourbon and Milk.
How old are you?
Then I hope you wouldn't tell anyone that I gave you this.
Nice town that you've got here.
You want to see it better, we could go out on the roof.
...wouldn't that be dangerous?
Are you all right...?
I...
Her...
What else?
I mean, okay, fine, but it's a motion <u>Picture</u>.
Thanks, honey, but, next time, bring two, save yourself a trip.
The people came to see a motion <u>Picture</u>. ...hold on...
He's saying, what are you saying, Bobby?
Tell it with...
Tell it with <u>pictures</u>.
Tell it with pictures. What I'm saying...
You look at: girl comes in the room, an <u>apron</u>, a brown <u>bag</u>, what is she...? She's a...
She's a...
She's a <u>waitress</u>.
What...
What I...
Hold on: what Bob is saying, you don't need...
You don't need "Hi I've just come from the restaurant."
You can go...
Alright. Let's... Page five, the fucking <u>horse</u> dies. You know, <u>she</u> could be in the movie, she could, she's got a good face, she could be the Doctor's...uh, why does it have to be his, uh, <u>wife</u>...? It could be his...
Bob, Bob, stick to the business, will you?
No, you're absolutely r...
And you go start with <u>that</u> stuff in <u>this</u> town...
Are you Okay?
Well, yeah, I'm fine, I reached over to, the girl had to be home, I don't know, it's a <u>schoolnight</u>, something...
<u>Bobby</u>...
No, I...just...just Joe, just Joe...
Joe, the writer?
So you see what I'm <u>saying</u>...the movie is about <u>purity</u>...
I've always seen that.
We're going to discuss the scr...you wanna come along...?
If your memory was as long as your dick, you'd be in good shape. How long since you almost went to jail for this shit?
How could she turn on me like that? I thought she liked me.
Can we try to keep our pants buttoned and get out of this town in one piece?
You do...?
Is Mr. Barrenger there...?
You guys had better leave us a...
I'm very sorry to...
Well. What seems to be the...?
I have to ask you these...um. You have a valid drivers license...?
Of course he...
Well, now, Mr. Barrenger, I'm very sorry, in fact, I'm as sorry as I could be, <u>but</u>...
I'm an attorney, if there's anything you have to say to...
...I have to give you this <u>ticket</u> for damage to city property. I'm really sorry, Sir, it's a formality, I hope you'll excuse...
It's a formality. Any case of damage to city prop...you hit the control box of the new stop light, and... They'll, uh, these things <u>happen</u>, I hope you're alright, and that you're feeling...
Well, Officer, don't worry ab...
I've got scene <u>twelve</u>... Shouldn't you be in school...?
It's night.
Aren't you ever in school?
There's other things to be learned.
Izzat so?
The Mayor's outside.
What's his name?
And I have Mr. Barrenger's Tuna B...
Thank you.
I, well, you know, I tried to take him, in his room.
I think he's moved...
Nobody touched me, I was at home.
Who is it raped you?
Nobody.
No.
It's a mistake. It's all over. I'm sorry that we've inconvenienced you.
I wasn't in the car.
I want to tell you something, Wally, he's a pussycat. <u>My</u> thing is to see everybody does what they said they would and I have to do that. Now: what is this you want <u>Eight Hundred Thousand Dollars</u> to do what you're being paid to, you already <u>signed</u> you'd do...? What is that?
I think I should talk to my agent, Marty, you and I should, we should, really not discuss...
Get him on the phone.
He's on the Island, he'll be back on...
I want you to hear this.
I really think that <u>business</u>...matters should be discussed between you t...
You have no right to...
You can't treat me like this. I'm not a child!
She's absolutely r...
Matzoh! Are you Jewish?
I, actually yes.
I love Jewish men.
Why?
Look.
I feel so <u>close</u> to you...
Look, look, I like you <u>very much</u>...
I like you, too.
But not that <u>way</u>...
But we...
You have to hide.
Who is that...?
That's my...
Oh.
Will you help me out...?
Hi. I hope I'm not disturbing...
She came in here, wait, she...I was giving her a massage...wait...Wait! She came in here...she... ...with respect...she took off her clothes, and she got in <u>bed</u>, I told her I could not--we don't know each other, you see...
...we had a script conference...
Claire, when did you...
I just...
We're just talking about the...
Don't let me dis...I'll just...
This is Joe White.
What, what's there to <u>think</u> about? The scene's perfect...I, I get to say...
Yes, but, Joe, <u>Joe's</u> been, well, he's just been having a few, uh, "Thoughts," about...
How many times in your <u>life</u> do you get a speech like that?
Yeah.
This scene is why I'm doing the movie. "Look at the mill, Frank -- look at the way it goes around...<u>half</u> of the time the darned wheel's under water, but..."
Yes, yes, but...
"...but still it rises up...It rises up, Frank, high as it can go."
What...?
I can't do it, Walt.
You can't do what?
It isn't <u>right</u>. I can't...I...I know I si...I, they, I don't know if they told me it was in the con...
<u>Forget</u> the contract. Claire. What is it?
I don't want to take my shirt off in that con...What are these things that they're asking of me...? Wha...wha...wha... I try to be good; the only thing I care about is...
I know that...
I know that, Claire. I, we <u>all</u> know...
Everybody, they, they, they treat me like a...
...<u>no</u>, they don't...
...they treat me like a <u>child</u>. I, I...to bare my <u>body</u>.
Fuck flowers, we aren't talking about flowers, we're talking about a human being.
I...I...
...I can't do it, Wally...
Listen to me: Elanora <u>Duse</u> was playing Hamlet in London in 1905, and Royalty could not get a ticket. She said, "I'm not doing the seven shows a week I signed for." She said, "I cannot bare my soul seven times a week. I am an artist. I'll do four shows a week." The greatest actress of her time. You know what her Producer
What?
Nothing. He held her and he wept. Because he...
...I...
...I know...I know...
...and, and, and did she...? And she did the seven shows...
Wally...
I know, it's the hardest thing in the world, and it seems everybody wants...
...yes...
...wants a piece...
Yes.
And you know what...?
We, we have to give it.
Not now, I'm talking to the press. Claire!
What? I have a five-o'clock plane to catch.
I, uh... I've always thought so... Well, you just get an idea, and try to find the best way to express it in pictorial form. I've written a letter to the studio and to SAG protesting... Bill: get a copy of that letter...! I just wanted to tell you that I am <u>past</u> chagrined, I'm <u>mortified</u> at the way you were spoken to...
I...
An artist of your caliber...
I'm only trying to...
I know what you are, I am <u>so</u> sorry that you...when I read that script I said there's only one person to play that part.
The minute I read that script I said...
I know...
...she works with <u>animals</u>, she...
...yes...
...she has a <u>home</u>...
...I know, I'm so...because I said: yes, a woman who...the...the community <u>respects</u> her. Please don't go. Please don't go. What can I do but beseech you...? Trauma, <u>toil</u>...when are we free of them...? When...?
He treated me as if I were a child...
Claire: As an interpretive artist to a creative artist: Stay with me. I need you. We start to shoot tomorrow and then it belongs to <u>us</u>. Stay. Stay. Tonight...when... When they've gone. Let's talk. Let's <u>really</u> talk. We could, we'll have <u>dinner</u>, we'll...a bottle of some bad red wine, we'll get spaghetti, and we'll...
Hello.
...he's right here, Mr. Mayor...
I'm so comfortable with that, Walt, I can't <u>tell</u> you...
No, are you kidding me, Bob, not at all.
"Bring it in on time and there's more where these came from. Marty. P.S. I want to talk to you about a product tie- in..."
I'll put the, in your r...
Somebody make a note. I want Li..., for the broad...what does she like? Lilacs. Okay. A truck of lilacs when the broad comes. And get something for Bob Barrenger, get him, what does he like...?
Bob Barrenger...Bob...Bob Barrenger's in this movie?
That's cor...
He's staying here? Bob Barrenger is staying he...?
You show Claire these sketches?
Yes.
Did she throw up?
That isn't very nice.
Oh, really, then why don't you sue me in the World Court. Did she like the costumes?
I can't tell.
Why not?
She won't stop crying...
She doesn't want to Bare Her Breasts.
She Doesn't Want to Bare Her Breasts...what, in the "Nude Scene...?" What are we paying her three mil?
-- she's got 'religion.'
Kiss my ass.
What?
Who got their heads cut?
Uh. Bob Barrenger, fella, <u>Cameraman</u>...
You said <u>three</u>...?
Where you off to?
I, uh...I'm leaving.
Why?
I perjured myself. I told a lie, and I ruined my life. That's what I did... I don't suppose you could help me with <u>that</u>, could you? Turn back the <u>clock</u>, or something? Give me back my, give me back my <u>purity</u>, I don't suppose you could just wave your magic wand and do that, could you...? But what <u>is</u> truth? Eh? In't that
Aren't you supposed to set an example for people...?
Nope. I'm just supposed to hold people's hands, while they die. What'd you say your problem was...
...I just swore my life away, back in that...
...little woman has gone crazy about our dinner party...City Council...? What's the trouble...?
Main Street.
Doug, the traffic light...
I have to talk to you.
...he's the producer of the movie.
I want you to hear this, pal... Forget the overages, <u>forget</u> Ten Thousand Dollars for three days to two weeks. You know what it would cost for them to <u>build</u> this set? Two Million Dollars! Now:
Doug...
Arrest him.
What is the...?
Conspiracy in Statutory Rape? Okay. Of whom?
She was in the car with Bob Barrenger last night. And she was injured coming home from a love tryst, so...
Well you guess what. The Mayor sent me. I have your Mr. Barrenger with a history of...
...a history of <u>nothing</u>, he was acquitted...
Moral turp...you're on my home court, friend, I have the Mayor and the town behind me, and forget making your movie: I may own the studio when I get through with you: I got a civil suit, I got rape, I got collusion...
You've got nothing, you don't have a witness...
And I've got a witness! Your Mr. White saw the crime.
He told you that...
He didn't have to tell...
I want to talk to him. Would you ex...
Oh, you're his attorney, too...?
Later for you, pal.
Hi.
I'd prefer it if you didn't speak to me.
I...
What's in the case?
And what was it you wanted to say?
I'm looking for the writer.
What the hell are <u>you</u> so down about?
My wife's going to have a baby.
How about that.
Mmmm. You have children?
No. No, but we're planning to.
Could you tell me where a fellow goes to get a drink in this town?
Hey, you've gotta eat a peck of dirt...
Half a buck I'd close it down...it's per...you know, it's perfidy, you got your Barrenger, molesting little girls...
He should be put in jail.
Half a buck I'd put him in jail...
You should.
I had a witness I would.
A witness to what...?
You know, the rape, to...even to the accident...
You mean <u>with White</u>...?
What?
You mean you need a witness in addition to White...?
Who's White...?
The writer.
He saw the accident...?
Sure.
He saw the girl in the car...
We can't shoot in the Old Mill.
We can't shoot in the Old Mill.
I just saw the Mayor, he said anything we...
You told me they had an Old Mill here..
Town's out of lilacs.
That, that's <u>your</u> life's blood on the st...
I...
Get Mitch Cohn on the phone in New York, tell him she's breaking her contract and we're very up...
I...
We're very upset with her. Get someone to <u>double for her</u>, her tits, the tits scene, call L.A. I want to see some <u>pictures</u> of the women's <u>tits</u>. Of their <u>tits</u>.
I'm very sorry I...
...the finest people you could ever hope to work with... You have the new Old Mill pages?
I can't find the writer.
...totally false...<u>totally</u> false. He is the, I would say the most responsible human being I have ever...
I have to talk to you. My wife...
Not now.
My wife is going to have a baby, and...
I'm trying, honey...I'm...look, is your Ma, when is your <u>Mom</u> coming? Oh. What did the <u>midwife</u>...?
Did you, where are we going tonight...?
I...?
Some, you were, you were going to make a reservation for us? Where's my schedule? Where are we <u>booked</u> tonight?
My <u>wife's having a baby</u>...
You what...? Is that on the callsheet, is that on the callsheet, or is that <u>personal business</u>? Ah, Christ. <u>Marty</u>...Are we <u>paying</u> you?
Does it have to be an Old Mill? Where have you been?
I was in New Hampshire. I was at the Old Location.
We can't shoot the Old Mill.
We're out of money.
Halo? <u>Marty</u>? What would they have used instead of an old mill? We need it tonight. Marty? Yeah you were saying...?
I can't write it. I lost my typewriter.
Grace: get Mr. White a typewriter.
I can only write on a manual.
I know the feeling.
Well, you know, you know, that's a lie, I, I...
Grace...
That's a real <u>fault</u>, I...
Hey, Joe...Good. You know B...
It's about a man who gets a second chance.
I want to make a good film.
I know you do.
And maybe it will be a better movie without the old mill, I...
Hey, it's with the Gods. We don't have the money, we have to write it out. The best or not. And that's a lesson. You get your typewriter yet...?
Grace, get on the other phone, call that girl: well, call her, and have whatsername send up some <u>nosh</u>...what do you like to drink...?
I don't drink.
What's the...
I can't.
Why?
I hurt my finger.
The movie's about <u>purity</u>. So we don't <u>show</u> her breasts. We show them to <u>him</u>, her back to the camera.
Know? They could draw them from memory. You're fantastic. What a find you are. Get outta here. We need the Dead Horse Scene.
I'm gonna nail it.
I've got a date.
Let's speak English. You've got to help the side.
You want me to lie.
Thank God, it's up to you, Pal. Sup to you...
I'm out.
I don't getcha.
The girl was in the car.
I treated you like a son or nephew.
It's not <u>you</u>, it's...
No, what is it?
I have to tell the truth.
...that's just so <u>narrow</u>...
The girl was in the car.
Then you're finished in show business.
So be it.
And my company sues your ass for sixty million dollars.
For what cause?
Hi!
<u>Siddown</u>!
I really don't think you should be talking this way to a lady.
Well, you call him, and call me back, but this is it, pal, you <u>fuck</u> with me, and I'm going to tear out your heart and piss on your lungs through the hole in your <u>chest</u>. And the best to Marion... Where have <u>you</u> been?
I...
You can't write it?
She doesn't show her tits!!! She doesn't show her tits. The breasts symbolize motherhood, the audience...
How do they know that, you told them?
No.
What did you say to them...?
I didn't say anything to them.
How do you know you saw it?
I don't know.
Well, then, you didn't see it, right...?
I don't...
You didn't see it...
I...? I saw it. I was there.
I was walking down the street...I remember, I was writing a...
What glasses were you wearing? Were you wearing your reading glasses...?
I...
What is that...?
...the house, the 1835. The original <u>kitchen</u>, of course, burned in 1960, as part of a spate of fires...
It's lovely.
A spate of suspicious fires which were in fact the inspiration for the formation of the Waterford Huskies...
My oh my.
You cool the broad out?
I left that for you.
Oh yeah, I'm really gonna eat carbohydrates...
What'd you do, <u>build</u> this...?
How was your flight?
We're flying over pigs, we're flying over <u>sheep</u>...
Did you bring Bob's weights?
They're coming Fedex...
What's in all the bags?
My undies, cause, you can't get this picture off on time I'm gonna' wet myself.
I'm gonna' bring it off.
<u>Stop</u>...
That's what I said.
How are you getting on with these fine people?
Marty...
It's just a formality.
Eight hundred grand to show her tits...
<u>Pay</u> her.
I don't got the money.
Find the money.
I got a company...give us a million dollars, put their product in the film.
Well, I've enjoyed it, too. Any... any...<u>any</u> time... What does the woman want from life...?
She wants eight hundred thousand dollars to show her tits.
Pay her off.
We don't have the money.
<u>Find</u> it.
If you do the product placement...
IT'S A COMPUTER COMANY...IT'S A COMPUTER COMPANY, <u>BAZOOMER</u>-<u>COM</u>?
"Bazoomer <u>dot</u> com."
I CAN'T PUT A COMPUTER IN A MOVIE SHOT IN 1895...you wanna tell me how I'm gonna' do that?
Actually, the art department had some ideas on...
NO NO NO NO NO, PAY HER OFF. DID YOU HEAR ME?
We got the permit.
Is that one hell of a kid?
He just saved us eight hundred thousand bucks.
He's got a gift for fiction.
She wasn't in...you were al...
There's no witnesses...
Yeah?
Wally...?
Mmm.
That we could use you in and I think that's quite a fine trade-off all around and an ill wind that blows somebody good.
Yes? Hello, Mr. Mayor. Nothing, just an, an unfortunate... It's the Mayor, he's saying...
Do something.
The chairs go, the Lazyboy goes...
...we don't have thirteen at table...
Bob Barrenger, Claire Wellesley, the <u>director</u>...
Waal, then, invite someone <u>else</u>, then...
I don't want to invite someone else, because this is the <u>most</u> <u>exclusive</u>...
Where the hell have you been...? It's...
I've got two days to get this house...
Dear, this is Mr. Rossen, he is the producer...
Don't you <u>touch</u> that...I want them gone.
I signed the permit. I don't know how I can.
I want them thrown in jail.
I have to tell you, I can not <u>express</u> to you how <u>happy</u>...
And we're glad to have you here...
My golly, you know? All my life I grew up in the city, but every summer...would you like a cigar?
Aren't these <u>illegal</u>?
Well, you know, Walt, I just wanted to say that anything I could do...
That's very kind of...as a matter-of- fact, one, I hate to <u>bother</u> you with...
...not at all...
...we need the shooting permit for Main Street...
<u>Whatever</u> you need. The City Council, of course, has to pass on your...
...the city council...
On your "permit," but that is less than a formality.
...it is?
I <u>am</u> the City Council. We meet Friday, and I...
George, that is so kind of you.
Well, these things happen. <u>Purpose</u> of my call, my wife wanted to know what brand of <u>cigarettes</u> Mr. Barrenger smokes, so she could lay some out tonight...we got the list of his dietary <u>requirements</u>...
You hear that?
Yes, I hear it.
Drive a man to drink. Took me near half an hour, get across the street yesterday.
...the damn thing...
He's going to <u>get</u> that calf.
She coulda done better than him.
It takes all kinds.
"Assembly of Death" did 95 million dollars the first weekend.
Yeaup, but those grosses are inflated.
You think so?
You see where Tom Miller's playin' the Old Farmer?
He's been playin' Old Farmer nigh on sixty years.
I read for that part. Did pretty good too.
Bet you did.
But I couldn't r'member all the words. Ast them would they gimme a second chance.
Ain't no second chances in life.
Zat true?
Where are we?
We have to lose the window.
...we can't lose the wind...
We need a new name for the movie. Where's the writer?
Why?
Because they gots a window with a dogs in it. You want me to "push in." Or I can lose the shot.
No you can't lose the shot. The meaning of the <u>film</u> <u>is</u> in that shot.
But, Wally, the window of the <u>firehut</u>...
Annabelle sucked her thumb last night.
I hate wax lips and red ants and pretzels without salt...
&quot;Those who travel far and near this will make you DISAPPEAR!&quot;
Ben! What's wrong?
Guinevere, Godiva, I sense enemy sol...
So what's up? Who's marrying who <u>this</u> time?
I'd rather be with Mommy.
...it's really not so bad Annabelle -- Red and Blue make purple.
I don't care.
<u>Never</u> say 'never' -- it's <u>not</u> fair to say 'always' -- and <u>no</u> name calling. Use your words.
I hate when you say that.
I hate overly ripe bananas -- they make me want to throw up.
I didn't say that. Why would I say that?
Well Daddy and I were thinking that sometimes people tell a story about what they wish would happen.
I don't want that to happen. Why would I want that to happen?
Well you're telling your teachers and your friends --
Mass hysteria.
Maybe you're upset that Rachel moved in.
I'm not upset. Why would I be upset?
Like who?
It just slipped out.
It happens.
What happens when he loves Rachel more than us?
That will never happen.
I'm gonna call him.
Lord Nelson, Napoleon's troops. I fear for the women and the property values.
Daddy was washing Rachel. In the shower. What did you think that was about?
Well, not exactly s...
Scream.
How would you know sh...
Oh God oh God Oh God oh God oh God Oh...
...why do you think?
So why are you asking me?
Because it's quiet. And he wants to talk. Alise -- Once he saws you in half, it's bedtime...
What are you gonna talk about?
Probably you -- your brother -- school -- The solar system...The usual...
Then why are you putting on mascara?
I'm a little tired and it's just a pick-me-up.
But you only wore mascara when you and Daddy went on romantic dates...
Well Daddy and I are just friends now, and that's no reason not to wear mascara...
Look she's upset --
No I'm not. I don't care. Why should I care? I mean nobody asked me when you got divorced. Nobody asked me if I wanted a new mother. Nobody even asked me if I like her. If you guys don't care about our family staying together, why sh...
But we do have a choice. To make it better. Instead of worse.
Like how?
That happens. To families.
Wow. Who's that for?
I hope it's the right kind.
...I mean, she knows all the music, and pop stars, and clothes and stuff. She's like still a kid, herself.
Like a big sister.
Actually. She's kind of cool, when you get to know her.
And don't tell her I told you.
I know how scared <u>I</u> get when <u>you're</u> sick. So I waited to tell you. Until it was getting smaller. I thought that was best, maybe I was wr...
We make mistakes. And we forgive each other. Because we love each other, very m...
I can't hear you.
I said...
He wouldn't know. <u>I</u> saw her in the shower!
She is only the <u>Princess</u> of Cool. <u>Mommy</u> is the Queen!
What's Thursd...
A debate. Man's inhumanity to woman. He's pro women. I'm con. Ms. Flannery is twisted.
I could help with the debate.
Great.
Actually. I could only help him.
Every time I'm on the lunch yard, and he's with twelve of his retarded <u>dorkface</u> little adoring out-crowd <u>henchmen</u>...
You don't like his friends.
You wouldn't kiss him, huh?
Not with my mouth open.
And what do you do wh...
I call him a fartface or a pervert, or something equally lame.
He's not even there. You don't see him, you don't hear him, you're just too much of a woman to bother with little boys.
This'll work, huh?
How many devilled eggs can you eat?
Annabelle...wake up honey...
Mom? What's wrong?
Darling, I've been thinking about our little Brad problem? And I think it's time we move to Plan B...
You cannot <u>believe</u> what he said, it was the worst <u>instant</u> of my total life on <u>Earth</u>!!
I know. I know how rough life can be. And how unfair. So here's what we do. Tomorrow, on the lunch yard, you walk <u>straight</u> <u>up</u> to that little jerk...
And bring my knees up, <u>real</u> hard, yeh?
I don't want to say goodbye.
Thank God. I got to see you. Grown up.
I'm not.
Keep Ben's for awhile, okay? Until he's old enough to not open them all at once.
Are you afraid for me? Where I'm going.
Yes.
Don't be. I'm going. Where we all go. Now how can that be bad.
I'll miss you so much.
You forgot to wash my purple shirt. I told you a hundred times it was Purple Day at school today.
I didn't forget. I was up all night thinking about it and I concluded you're too special to look like everyone else. Orange Red. That's your color. Few can carry it off. Now please. Help me find your brother.
You lost Ben?!
No. I told you. I like apple butter not butter butter.
Here.
Never mind. I'll just eat my lunch.
I'm gonna beep daddy at work.
You swore. You owe me a quarter. Did you remember my egg carton? I told you I needed my egg carton for seed planting today.
I'm sorry, okay? Let's not fi...
I don't have to listen to you! You're not my mother.
What I meant and perhaps I didn't say it well was you have a great mom. You don't need another one. But when you're at this house --
This is my daddy's house --
This is my house too!
The timing was off -- I need this light.
<u>Just</u> where I wanna be all Saturd...
Hold lunch!
But we're hungry -- and I have to pick up my costume for the pageant! It starts at seven!
Lunch time Sleeping Beauty. Where's Ben? Is he in the bathroom?
What if he's kidnapped?
C'mon, these are the Bomb, I prom...
Your mom had to...help a friend with this...emergency? And she called me. And we switched days. Then, I got stuck on my shoot, and...
It's not to wear around, or any- thing, I'm <u>way</u> too young. It's just for play.
She still packing for her trip?
You know what that creep and his frogfaced footmen are calling me <u>now</u>? In front of the whole <u>world</u>? Frosty, the Snow Bitch!!
That's so weak.
Here's <u>weak</u>...Mom said she was gonna talk to the <u>teacher</u> and Brad's <u>parents</u>!! Can you <u>believe</u> the <u>humiliation</u>???
Annabelle, I know you miss your mother. So why don't you say hello.
Why don't you say hello?
Annabelle pick up the phone.
Annabelle pick up the phone.
That doesn't bother me.
That doesn't bother me.
You think this is funny?
You think this is funny?
No. I think it's ugly.
You're just a <u>stepmother</u>. So stop <u>bossing</u>, cos nobody's <u>listening</u>!
June 3rd, God willing, I'll marry your Dad. And then I <u>will</u> be your stepmom. And right now, I'm not looking forward to th...
Oh, baby, I'm so sor...
I <u>did</u> what she said. I <u>used</u> my words, I <u>told</u> him what I <u>felt</u>, and they...
Now is that little prick still here, because if he is, I'm gonna rip his fucking <u>heart</u> out!
And Mom says anger never, never <u>solves</u> anything. It makes every- thing <u>worse</u>.
And you<u>don't</u> tell her. What you're going to say.
Not use my words, please!
Help me here...
Uh. He thinks his nose is too big. But it's not.
Great. Big ears, too?
Uh. What is it?
Oh. It's an incredibly disgusting, and not remotely sexy thing, that they described in a movie I'd never let you go to. But it's real. Does he have an older brother?
In high school.
The guy <u>I</u> see is in the eighth grade at <u>Prep</u> School, and he laughs his <u>ass</u> off every time we talk about you.
But Rache...
Now Ladies, the secrets to a great pie is the crust. And the secret to a great flaky pie crust comes from less flour and more...what?
Ice cold water.
I hate her. I really hate her.
There you are!
No they're not.
Put down that <u>goddamn</u> camera!
You do NOT run out on your moth...
You know, this horse smells really bad.
...your hating me.
Cos she loves you.
Oh my God. That is so not funny. You're late. You're really late. Now get out here and have some cereal.
No.
No! Cocoa Puffs on Top -- Fruit Loops on the bottom.
You touched it.
Then have a donut --
No.
But you told us to starve.
...EGGzactly. I'm putting on my coat -- We are late. We are seriously late. Which means Mister Ben we've got to get you dressed --
Excuse me --
I made you some cocoa. See?
&quot;In the great green room there was a telephone and a red balloon...&quot;
Aren't you going to drink your cocoa? It's the good kind.
&quot;Goodnight moon, goodnight hush, goodnight mush, goodnight goodnight goodnight Gracie -- Goodnight Ben!
&quot;In the great green room there was a telephone and a red balloon...&quot;
&quot;And a picture of the cow jumping over the moon...&quot;
Are you <u>real</u> mad?
...for Christmas, okay? Every magician needs a white dove, a <u>real</u> one, they <u>do</u>!
Well, that's a long way off, sweetie. We'll talk to Mom and Dad...
'In the still...still of the ni-ight...I held you... held you so ti-ight'...take it, man...
IS THAT YOU?
Why does Rachel wear Daddy's underpants? Doesn't she have underpants of her own?
I hate snails and blue cheese. Especially together. <u>Hate</u>.
I have lava.
Queen of diamonds.
Poof! You're happy now.
Ben! Oh my Ben! Are you alright?
Mommy? It's not Rachel's fault I ran away.
No, that's your fault. It's her fault for not watching over my precious son, as if it were her priority. Which means, the most important job.
Rachel's job is she works.
Ben, mommies work too. They work very hard. Mommy works harder as a mom than she did when she was working. I just don't get paid.
Does Rachel make a lot of money?
People like Rachel who only think about themselves often do make a lot of money.
I think she's pretty, Mommy.
Yes...if you like big hair...
Mommy?
What honey?
Rache says I have to eat <u>lamb</u>. I told her <u>you're</u> making me <u>spaghetti</u>!
Honey, this is Thursday. I pick you up tomorrow, and we do <u>big</u> spaghetti.
You'll be up to your armpits in meatballs, I'm flying them in from Sweden.
Not a lot, sweetie. It's a country. Like Canada. Only smaller.
I'm somewhere, thinking of you. And meatballs. And you know what?
Yes.
Of course, you do. Being magic. Then you know I've got a flu bug, and I turn green and barf profusely when I even think about food. So, all the more meatballs for you. But you know what.
I did. Do I have to eat lamb? Daddy didn't cook it, she did.
That I do. Always will.
I'm fine, ba...
Mommy, if your real name's Jackie and I call you mommy; and Rachel's real name's Rachel...Then when I see her do I say hi Stepmommy? And if my name's Ben, how come you don't call me son?
ARE YOU CRAZY, YOU COULD <u>SUFFOCATE</u> IN THERE!!!
No.
Mommy's sick, guys.
You have the WORST flu since...
Grammy had a different kind. There are lots of kinds. Hers was very bad.
So you're okay.
In the still...still of the ni-ight...I held you...held you so ti-ight...
That's Rache's song!
Ben! Mommy's so glad to see you -- Now stop climbing! Ben listen to me...
No! I have to get there.
Where Ben?
Before you.
Ben where do you have to get to?
Ben. God doesn't like visitors.
How do you know?
Ask her, she's a heroic Fireperson. She does this twenty times a day.
Okay. These are good.
I've got a lot of medicine in me, sweetie. And I'm a little wobbly for driving or running ar...
Find the bird cage?
Rache says it's from you.
So what do you think we're gonna talk about?
If a soldier loses his legs in a war. Is he the same guy? Sure he is.
But you can still see him.
The world. <u>Thinks</u> I'm gone. But only the magician. Knows better.
Right here. Right here. <u>Inside</u> the magician. Shhhh.
Can I talk to you? When you're there.
It's not good enough.
Cooper, back the fill off I don't have enough shadow...
You've got a fruit loop in your hair.
You say that like I don't know that.
I once threw an entire bowl of jello on my stepmother's head --
And when did that pass?
May I remind you that Duncan has the <u>client</u> arriving at exac...
People beat it, don't they? All the time.
So we'll...radiate some more?
That's necessary, huh?
I have to get dressed. My ex-husband has asked me to dinner. God knows why, he was very mysteri...
Why would his worry? Or my children's worry. Or anyone's worry. Help the sit...
Congratulations. Only forty minutes late. You're handling this promotion really well Rachel.
It's 1:45, I told you there's no one to pick up Annab...
I've got it. It's in the can, Cooper can wrap th...
Which part of no don't you understand?
Look, I will <u>send</u> a P.A. to pick up the children. There are <u>agencies</u> that supply sitters, nannies...
You're making a <u>career</u> decision here, I would <u>strongly</u> sugg...
You can't <u>do</u> that, I won't <u>let</u> you!
No, no, no, this is a job that's hard to <u>keep</u>, <u>not</u> a job that's hard to <u>lose</u>, can't be both.
Planning on getting --
Are you here?
I'm here.
Because you don't really seem here.
I'm here. I've got a case where they're this close to sequestering the jury but have I answered the goddamn thing?!
Something's up wi...
I've been with someone for quite some time, and didn't feel it was appropriate for her to move in too quickly. But after a lot of thought and careful discussion with her -- and the kids I might add -- she moved in last month.
Since our divorce Luke has seen a number of different women in three short years and without a lot of warning for the kids, he's now living with a woman half his age --
Rachel's not half my age.
We're not discussing your age.
Well, we're not discussing Rachel's age either.
They want to be with you Luke, they go to your house to be with their father.
Napalm.
Except for last Thursday when Rachel forgot to pick them up --
Thank you Mrs. Franklin. Jackie? This has been very valuable for us. And I'll have a serious talk with Annabelle tonight.
It's Wednesday night. She's at my house. I'll talk to her.
I'll call from work. We can have a conference call.
You ask me that counselor's making a mountain out of a molehill...
I'm worried.
Me too.
Luke, I need to switch next Friday for Thursday, so why don't you take the weekend... ...that way you'll be there, and I'll pick up Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
Fine. But I wanted to take the kids to work with me on Wednesday so I'll take Wednesday, and you can pick up that Thursday, Friday after soccer, and Saturday before riding.
Easy enough.
Just outside the big top, we're almo...
You're WHERE?
At the Big Apple Circus, it's the only big top I know. I <u>said</u> I'd get 'em back tonight...
Jackie, <u>we</u> were taking them water- skiing for the <u>whole</u> weekend!
Our children.
Do you realize what could have hap- pened to your son today? How lucky we are the police found him before some lunatic did? He could have been...
But he hasn't. He wandered off. I know it's terrifying. I can imagine how you felt when that call came -- But it happens.
Not to me.
Jackie, you've made mistakes -- We all make mistakes --
I'm not gonna wait around to see the next one. I'm not gonna watch my kids fall through the cracks of this arrangement. I'm seeing a lawyer.
Jackie stop. We promised we never go there.
Called him. We set an ap...
You're saying, don't make the kids a football, don't put them through a war. But I'm doing this for <u>their</u> well-being.
You know the kids aren't really in danger. This is about Rachel, and you're right, I'm disappointed in her learning curve, and...
I'm afraid she's going to walk.
Still, please.
Annabelle showed me the new dress. She's amazing in it.
I didn't think a phone call was appropriate...
I grew up, a little. I'm ready for a life that's built around commitm...
It's going to be hard for the kids when I tell them...I'd like you to be there.
To make it easier for them or you?
It's a huge moment in their life --
You can't be an 'us' just when you want to. You can't play that card when it's convenient.
We...
WE are over.
You're still going to have to be dealing with me -- with us. We should tell them together.
The great thing about life is that things keep changing.
Remember when Mommy and Daddy got divorced?
She's a charmer, you'll see. In fifty years, the kids'll love her ten percent as much as they love you.
It's temporary.
You want us to take him tonight? Give you some private time with Annab....
Never stand between that kid and a meatball.
Yet another spaghetti night.
I know. I wouldn't know what to say. If it were you.
We're going to win this.
What happens next?
I had a lot of treatments, and they weren't any fun, but the tests show the cancer got smaller.
How do you hold down a job? It's 8:10. You were supposed to be here at 7:00. She's missed her sunrise Groom'n Ride.
This is Friday, her riding lesson is on Tuesdays. I got it right here...
Every Tuesday except the 3rd Tuesday of the month when it's switched to Friday except in April when she rides on Thursday. It's not that hard. Didn't you have a mother?
Can I please have a cup of coffee?
We don't have any coffee.
What is this? The Betty Ford Center?
What happened with Annabelle? Has nothing I said gotten through to you?
Maybe you could back off just a little bit --
What did you do?
She's been talking about this little editing machine, it's only...
...a ridiculously <u>expensive</u> and <u>inappropriate</u> item, which her father and I have already <u>told</u> her she is <u>far</u> too young to own. But <u>you</u> apparently want to <u>buy</u> her forgiveness, with...
Luke was in the shower this morning and Annabelle sort of walked in without knocking.
I'm sure that didn't upset her. Everyone in our family takes showers.
Did you or Luke talk to her about it afterwards?
No. I thought it might be uncomfortable for her --
You mean for you. A 10-year-old girl is coping with the fact that her father is never coming back to live with his family. She sees her father naked with another woman for the first time. And you think it's best for her if every- one pretends it didn't happen? This isn't going to work out.
You're damn right. I'm gonna sick of your imperious bullshit. I never said I was Betty Fucking Crocker. If every time life hits her in the face you want to have a 12 hour talk every third Friday or the month -- go ahead! I have a life!
Oh and I don't because I have a children?! The problem is you're too self-involved to ever be a mother.
Maybe the problem is your <u>kids</u>. Maybe they're spoiled, coddled <u>brats</u>!
Get out!
But it's not on the schedule!
Machines do not EAT message.
Look, I...
Yeh?
Annabelle doesn't really want to talk to you right now.
Jackie, if I thought for one moment...
I am not <u>here</u> to make it easier for you. These are <u>my</u> children. They don't want to <u>be</u> with you.
Well, maybe they would if they thought it was okay, with y...
...in.
I'm sorry. Look, I'm not real comfortable being here, but...
I have a snoop.
I didn't need you to take the blame for me, I'm quite...
She already hates me. You've seen to that.
You're not terribly good at taking care of h...
I need practice.
So why did y...
I have an appointment this after- noon. I need someone to take them to the park.
However many. It's not enough.
I'm already on thin ice. Yesterday, I actually thought my boss was going to fire me.
Bandaids for cuts. Bandaids for new shoe blisters. Packet of Wash n Dri's. Kleenex. Sugar free lollipops, potty seat covers for public restrooms...
Why not just bring the whole toilet?
Ben likes to be read to. Do you know Dr. Seuss...?
Not personally.
Sorry I'm late, I got lost dropping Ben off at Kevin's.
I'm sorry, I just...
Hey. At least it's not an editing machine.
What about obsessively picking her split ends?
Anxiety.
Last week when she chopped her Barbie's bangs all to hell --
She was angry at herself.
Jackie?
Yes?
You feeling all right?
...thinking of going back to Random House. On a part-time basis.
...make some trips into the city. Sometimes, overnight.
Uh. Have you told Luke and the ki...
I don't know wh...
My boss.
You're not working at Random House, I talked to them.
You WHAT?
Look, you've never liked me...
Don't flatter yourself.
And I know checking into your life was inexcusable...
Nobody likes a snoop.
Bi-coastal parenting. Happens every day. Luke gets the kids every other summer, every other holiday, it's not ideal, but people make it work, and...
Did I hear the word...
Then let him talks to me. We don't need you to solve our prob...
I got used to...thinking of them. As...my kids too.
Life's a trade-off. You get cancer, your hair falls out, but you <u>do</u> get to smoke dope.
You bet you are.
How the hell would you know?
I don't, but...
And cigarettes. I smoke, too.
They came out of my <u>body</u>!
See, I know that.
Okay, I'm undeserving.
Small world.
So I have to tell you something in confidence...
You're a cross-dresser.
She hasn't mentioned this.
Moi?
As you may know, 'going out' in the six grade doesn't mean shit. They don't actually <u>go</u> to a movie or anywhere, they don't even eat lunch together, it's just a declaration to the world that they're...
...going out, yeh. I had kids of my own, once.
Oh, my God.
Right. Which is the whole <u>point</u> of this 'going out' thing, so one of them can dump the other one, and they can imitate the whole passionate adult soap opera tragedy, without ever having to actually date.
She's devastated.
And you said...?
Can I look at the pictures?
So. Hopeful.
I really look like shit.
You look sick. But you look... together. Mentally tough.
You try to center on the big issues, y'know. What it's all about. What this whole trip has meant. But then, the <u>really</u> big issues keep swamping y...
The primo stuff is great for pain.
He's relentless. A <u>major</u> asshole.
And you said...
Eat your heart out. Is Annabelle there?
Yeh, she's...I'll get you Ben first, it's past his bedti...
Can I say one thing? I mean, the <u>last</u> thing I want to do is inter- fere on the Brad thing, b...
Yah? Well, even the best mom in the world, the smartest, the wisest, whatever. Needs to know when to find a Plan B. Cos Plan A <u>is</u> not and <u>will</u> n...
Hon, maybe your mom would like t...
I'm thinking. Do I know you well enough to really chew you out?
It's just not the right time t...
Do what you've worked your whole life to do?
It was just a job, there'll be plenty of others.
Hey, you haven't quit on you, I'm sure as hell not gonna. I just mean, I'm juggling a lot right n...
Juggle it! Move the darkroom into your house. You've got that room downstairs with the treadmill Luke never uses anyway. Don't lose your confidence. Don't lose your edge.
It's the same choice you made.
I know you, huh? The car pools, he measles, the PTA. It's not gonna be enough for you in the long run. You have to think long term.
I just want to spend time with them when I'm not rushing or on the phone or tired or...
My advice to you? Don't die.
Somehow, his blanket always looked like a cape, even the nurse said that. He <u>loves</u> to hear that story, over and over. How he was born a magician.
And her...?
That thing you said before. Pushing the guy sleeping next to you away. Because of what you gave up for motherhood...
Is that what he told you?
You really didn't have to come, you know. I'd have brought them straight t...
Looks nice enough to m...
Now we're going to have a fight, you and I.
Are we.
And I'm going to win.
Now, 'limp dick', I know. What. Is 'snowballing'?
It doesn't matter, I didn't tell h...
Because there'll be, oh, 20 or 30 mothers phoning me in the next hour or so. And they'll b...
Actually. They'll want Annabelle's mother.
Is that what you're worried about? Looking bad at the PTA?
You are <u>defending</u> what you did?
You put filth in my child's mouth.
Aw.
You had her <u>lie</u> about that... that fancy-boy <u>model</u>!
She was beaten, and bloodied, and it was going to go on, uni...
You taught my child that I am some limp dick <u>loser</u>. Who didn't <u>care</u> about her pain.
That's not wh...
You think <u>I</u> didn't have some dirty words for that little putz? You think <u>I</u> couldn't figure out some low blows?
You weren't passing 'em out.
See, in that crisis, I saw an opportunity. For some <u>real</u> growth.
Oh please.
Doing the <u>right</u> thing. Knowing who you <u>are</u>, inside. Not <u>caving</u> to peer pressure, or <u>lowering</u> yourself to that level, <u>steering</u> your <u>own</u> course...
She wasn't steering her own course, she was steering <u>yours</u>.
And there will come <u>another</u> moment. When the stakes are <u>really</u> there. And she will look back on this. And remember how good it felt. How easy it was.
You've turned her into you. And I may not get another chance. To turn her back.
Thanks for coming out.
She likes a Stolie, no ice.
What's this about? Because we <u>fought</u>?
I love Luke, I love the children. But there is more to life than even love...
No, there isn't.
I never wanted to be a mom. Then, sharing it with you was one thing. Carrying it alone, the rest of my life...
Well, it's the Jack Kennedy Syndrome, huh? You die young, you always look golden. Perfect. The memory kind of burnishes the image, and...
Come on, a wuss like me? The stiff who wouldn't help her own daughter fight back?
You're lying.
I lost him. I was panicked.
You are lying, you never lost that kid for 4 <u>seconds</u>, you could find him from a <u>coma</u>, there is no WAY!
Ben never mentioned it.
Why didn't I?
With good reason. They fucking worship you as it is.
What do I have that you don't?
Everything. You're...the Earth Mother incarnate...
You're the hip and fresh.
You ride with Annabelle...
You'll learn.
You know every story, every wound, every memory, their whole life's <u>happiness</u> has been wrapped up in <u>you</u>, every moment...
Now Edna says you short-changed your last meds. You can do presents and be comfortable at the same time, y'know.
You know, there's nothing you have to say. Because they know your heart. You don't have t...
Okay, if they're going to <u>have</u> a sauce, put something <u>in</u> it besides flour and chicken broth...
It was a veal stock, I thi...
The way you cook. If you could make love, I'd marry you.
We have to talk.
Uh-oh. I mention marriage, all of a sudden... Ve <u>haff</u> to ta...
I didn't want to spoil our supper...
You'd rather spoil our walk home.
I just found out I have to go to Boston to get a deposition. I might not be back until Saturday.
So I'll have to order in?
We have the kids this weekend, so...
Anyway, I thought...while I'm gone...maybe I'll hire in some help.
For what?
Just a babysitter -- I mean...you're working...
I can take them to work with me -- I can shift things around --
You don't need to. I don't expect you to handle them yourself.
You don't trust me to be alone with them.
I trust you of course I do but --
But? But what?
But you're not good at this. Not yet. I'm sorry.
Look. I know they hate me.
They don't hate you --
And what you're telling them is keep hating her -- keep up the good work --
Nobody's telling them to hate you --
Really? Look in your ex-wife's eyes.
It's complicated for Jackie. It's complicated for me...You don't have kids -- you don't understand --
Oh right...So it's just complicated for you and Jackie -- for me it's pretty simple cause I just don't understand...
No you don't. And I'm not gonna screw with my kids heads right now --
Get ready. To get <u>really</u> mad.
Uh. Annabelle's video report has been switched again.
Not yet.
Hey, I sold my body to Satan to clear Friday at two o'clo...
We have the kids. Next weekend.
And it's <u>my</u> call. I promised them water-skiing, instead o...
Why are you taking this out on <u>him</u>?
Rache, get out of th...
Oh my God. Are you serious?
I think so...What do you think?
It's forever you know.
Okay...Is that the good thing or the bad thing?
Everything's gonna work out. The kids and I...we're going to love each other.
Rache, it may take time.
Well, I think you should tell him you changed your mi...
It's just an assignment.
It's Anna Sui, you should be doing it.
They're my kids.
She's not gonna die.
No problem.
What a great surpri...
Just like to make sure. That your past. And my future. Are real different.
Well, they will be.
Why in the world would she t...
You took a fishing trip with the boys. Liked it so much, you took another.
I needed some time away.
...while she watched the kids. Then, you booked this flat in Paris for your family's summer. But she said...
She called it a fight. <u>The</u> fight.
Can we go sit somewhere?
I told her I loved her.
By way of saying you were unhappy.
Restless.
'...I don't know if I can make it.' That's what I said. But I didn't leave.
That's a pretty ugly thing you just said.
'But keep dancing, and if you're lucky, I might just never leave, who knows?'
That's not us.
We make our lives, one step at a time. We do the best we can. The truth about the future? A promise. Is only a hope.
Where you goin'?
Hi, I'm here to pick up Ben.
Does Jackie know this?
No. I'm doing it behind her back.
In seven years Jackie's never missed one of Tucker's parties. Where is she?
Something came up. C'mon Ben! I've got a shoot at three...
I don't know what's wrong with that kid.
Maybe he's gay.
Don't ever say that.
What if he is?
Out! Leave the table!
What?
You heard me: leave the table!
We're studying the Holocaust in Social Studies.
Well, I'm supposed to watch Schindler's List for homework. The movie's like almost four hours. And then I'm supposed to write a report on survivors. You know any survivors, Dad?
Hey.
Hey. What's up?
There's something I need to talk about with you.
What?
There are some rumors...
Like what?
You know...Stanley...
Oh.
No prob. I'm cool.
Marty, ignore him.
Well, technically your Zeda is a survivor.
He was in a concentration camp?
Well, no. But he had to escape the Nazis.
But I thought he came over to America before the war.
Well, he did. With his family. But his cousins, they had to stay and they were all killed. And if he'd stayed, he would have been killed. So in my book he's a survivor.
Even though it was only his cousins that were killed?
Hey, Scooby! How's it going?
Conan O'Brien? Whoa! What are you doing here?
I'm looking for a last-minute guest for my show. Any suggestions?
I'll be your guest!
Welcome to the show, Scooby.
Thank you.
Nice to have you here.
Great to be here.
And thank you for dressing up for us. This is very classy. Tell us. What kind of professional plans do you have? What's in your future?
Well, I was thinking...I might work for you.
Ahh...tell me. What do you want to do for me? What's your idea?
Be your sidekick, you know, and maybe eventually become a TV talk- show host.
Consuelo?
Yes, Mikey?
Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Yes.
Really? How many?
Four brothers and five sisters.
Wow. Why did your parents have so many children? I mean, if they were poor, wouldn't it be better to have just one or two?
It was God's will.
But do you really believe in God? And heaven, hell and angels and all kind of stuff?
When I'm in high school I'm not going to play any football. I'm just going to concentrate on class rank. What did you do in high school?
I did not go to high school.
Weren't there high schools in El Salvador?
We had to work. My family was poor.
Must've been hard being poor.
I'm still poor.
Hmmm. But, Consuelo, even though your poor, don't you have any hobbies or interests or anything?
No, Mikey.
But like, what do you like to do when you're not working?
I'm always working.
But when you're not. Like now. What do you like to do?
This is work.
Consuelo. Are you crying?
No.
Yes, you are. I can tell. What's the matter?
Mi Jesus mi jesus
Speak English.
Mi Jesus esta muerto!
Consuelo, I'm sorry, but you know if you don't speak English I can't understand you.
My Jesus
Who is Jesus?
My baby.
You have a bay?
My grandchild-baby.
Gee, I didn't even know you had any children. But why are you so upset about Jesus?
He's dead.
Oh. How did it happen?
He was executed. He was on Death Row and then he was executed.
How did they execute him?
Poison gas.
Maybe it's for the best I mean, if he was guilty of doing something wrong People who are bad should be killed. Don't you think so?
Jesus was not bad.
Maybe he was and you just didn't know it.
He wasn't.
But still, you can't be sure.
I am sure.
But really, you never know.
I know!
Why was he on Death Row?
Consuelo, what is rape exactly?
Sometimes I feel like my parents don't love me.
So whaddya think?
Well, I'm not really sure what you're trying to say. It's funny, I suppose. But it seems glib and facile to just make fun of how idiotic these people are.
I'm not making fun. I'm showing it as it really is.
You're showing how superior you are to your subject. TOBY No, but I like my subject. I like these people.
No, you don't.
The camerawork's nice.
This is definitely better.
You think so? You don't think that this might not be a little dry?
This is entertainment you're making, Toby. This story about a kid in the suburbs and the state of the college admissions process has, with this Brady crisis, evolved into something much richer and more provocative.
Yes, I know But still, it should be somewhat entertaining.
I mean, without this footage, without this rigorous documentation, it would feel like exploitation.
No, no, no. No exploitation. This is serious But don't you find it a little funny too, at the same time?
You've got a family tragedy on your hands. Will you tell me what's funny about that? About a kid in a coma?
Nothing, I guess
I mean, why are you making this documentary if you can't treat your subject with appropriate gravity?
OK, you're right, you're right You know, we need to screen what we've got invite some regular people, just some random off-the- street types and see what real people think of this.
I dunno, Toby. We really have a long way to go. You still need a lot more footage, and it's probably a little premature to start screening
OK, then we can invite serious intellectual types.
We're not ready.
Hip alternative types who will understand the process better
We're not ready!
Well, I need to see this with an audience!
What's an audience going to tell you?
Don't even joke about that!
Twinkeys!
Mom?
Yes, Mikey?
I was looking through Scooby's SATs practice books this afternoon and I took one of the practice tests. Guess what score I got?
What?
Steak's really good tonight. SCOOBY Good.
Marty...
Not to be crass, but what do we get out of this?
We used pull.
It's all about who you know.
Look, we're not suckers. Everyone else is out there doing the same thing.
Sure!...
Was anyone in my room today?
Is everything OK?
What are you going to do?
We did the same thing last year also.
Well...yes. If it hadn't been for Hitler, he wouldn't have had to leave Europe. We would have been...European.
Hi, Scooby! How was school today?
Fine.
Ready for tomorrow?
What's tomorrow?
Hey, you want to hear my short story now?
Huh?
I can read it to you.
You mean, again?
Well, I changed the ending a little.
Oh. What happens now?
Well, actually, it's the same, but longer. I think it's better. More...raw.
Well then, maybe you should just read the ending.
But it won't make any sense if you hear it out of context.
So you don't want to hear my new ending?
You're tired of me. I can tell.
Marcus, I'm tired. That's all.
You've lost interest...You hardly even sweat any more when we have sex.
I was never much of a sweater. You know that.
What do you want?
Don't be so upset. It's OK...
What the fuck are you talking about? What's OK?
You know he hated my story also.
Marcus...You'll write something better next time!
Patronizing fuck! If you had just been honest with me in the first place I wouldn't have read it. I knew it was shit. But - idiot! - I believed you!
That's not fair! I was honest! Just because I wasn't sucking up like that bitch Catherine.
Well, I sure didn't hear you voice your opinion in there when it mattered.
Which is it? You gotta keep your focus straight.
And you want Scooby to be the focus of all this?
Scooby and a few other students of different socioeconomic backgrounds.
Reconceive.
Oh, I know, I know that. Well, sharing your story, your ups and downs, and so forth, can I hope, be an illuminating experience.
But what kind of pull did you have?
I think Scooby's like a lot of kids. He just hit a a speed bump. Now he's gonna find his way, his path is gonna be cleared, and I think he's gonna continue his education at a good college. And everybody else is gonna be happy.
Fuck!
I dunno.
What DO you know?
So? How was school today?
The same.
The same. Same as what?
Get the hell outta here!
Scooby?
Yeah?
Whaddya wanna talk about?
OK.
I just want to know what the hell he's doing in his room that's so interesting he doesn't come down for dinner.
Mom, it's not fair if Brady can say the f-word and I can't.
Dad? Do you think that Brady will ever get better?
One in a million recover.
Maybe he's that one in a million!
I don't think there's any hope, either. I was just trying to make you feel better.
Thanks.
You're welcome. Dad? Would you let me try hypnotizing you now?
Yeah. Sure Go ahead. Hypnotize me.
Hey, Mikey. You wanna get some ice cream?
Hey, Mikey!
Hi, Dad!
Come here, give me a hug!
Gee, you're home early!
Yeah, uh, listen. Why don't you go upstairs and keep your Mom and Brady company for a bit? I need to speak alone with Consuelo for a moment.
Hello, Vi.
What are you doing here?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean, I just didn't expect to run into you here, that's all.
Yeah, um, then...are you alone?
Uh huh.
You're not.
Good. 'Cause I...um...I really agreed with everything you had to say last week about how bad my story was...
That's good.
You have beautiful skin.
Thank you. So Catherine seems like she might become a really good writer.
Aren't you going out with Catherine? I'm sorry. It's none of my business. I didn't mean...
I'm not 'going out' with Catherine.
Oh. Do you think I have a potential as a writer?
No.
It's over there.
It's a really nice place you have. Is the rent high?
Oh, bu...uh...I can't say that.
Say, Ni...
Ni...
...gger.
...gger.
Say, 'Nigger.'
Nigger.
'Fuck me hard!'
Fuck me hard!
Say, 'Nigger, fuck me hard!'
Nigger, fuck me hard!
Again!
Nigger, fuck me hard!!...
Again!!
No, not really.
Any books you like to read for fun?
No.
None at all? How about those 'underground' comics?
I hate reading.
All right, Scooby, let's not beat around the bush. With your attitude, you're not going to get in anywhere.
OK.
'OK.' So you just don't care. Let me ask you, not as your guidance counselor, but...as a friend: what do you want to do with your life? I mean, what kind of long-term goals can you possibly have?
I dunno...
C'mon. Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking.
Well, I mean...I wanna be on TV. Maybe have a talk show or something. Like Conan. Or early Letterman.
Ah-hah. And how is it you hope to achieve this goal?
Hello?
Hello, is this Pam?
Who is this?
Toby Oxman.
Toby -? Oh, hi! How are you?
Oh, fine. How are you?
Great!
Great!
So what's going on?
That's what I was gonna ask you.
But...you called.
Oh, yeah, well...um...I was just calling because, well, I was wondering if you still remembered me, which I guess you do...
So. Look at where we are: the year 2000! Can you believe it? I mean, did you ever think we would actually make it?
Um, well, yeah. So are you still acting?
Oh, no, not any more. No, um, I kind of came to terms with myself, I realized I had done what I had to do. And it was time to move on.
Oh. So what did you do after you gave up on acting?
I believe it.
Yeah, well, it was really all kind of a joke - and a rip-off, so, uh...so I dropped out.
Oh, that's too bad.
Yeah, well, then it got me writing, so that was a good thing.
Anything I might know about?
Well, um, I kind of let things go on this novel I'd been really into - I mean, the whole publishing industry is totally corrupt. I mean, really, it's finished.
That's too bad.
I worked over at a homeless shelter for a while, drove a cab to pay the rent, but, I mean, that was like - I mean, I have some dignity.
That's good. So then what do you do now?
I'm a documentary filmmaker.
Oh? Anything I might have seen?
N-not yet. I'm hoping to get a grant for this one project on teenagers. Geez, remember when we were teenagers?
Yeah. You didn't wanna take me to the prom.
Oh, I don't remember that...
I do.
Uh, well, anyway, so I'm looking for subjects for this documentary on teenage life in suburbia. Kind of an exploration of the mental psyche of its mythology. I wrote to Derrida to see if he'd like to do the narration. But everything's still kind of in development at this point.
That's good.
Yeah...um...so anyway, tell me. What about you? I'd heard through the grapevine you were producing movies.
Yeah. But not any more.
Yeah...So you're um...you're married?
Yeah.
Huh. Kids?
Yeah.
How many?
Three.
Great. How old are they?
Eight, six, and four.
Listen, Toby, I can't really talk right now. Do you mind if I call you back?
Yeah, sure.
OK. Bye.
Pretty cool, Stanley.
Thanks.
How'd you get it?
It's my Dad's He hides it under some old TV Guides in his closet.
Gee, your Dad's smart.
I know.
Is it loaded?
Scooby, don't! Be careful!
I'm not an idiot, man. I watch TV.
I Know. I'm sorry. I'm just...a little nervous, I don't know why.
Scooby?
Yeah?
You know...I like you.
Yeah. I know.
You want some?
You a pervert?
No...Actually, I'm a documentary filmmaker?
Oh. You mean, like, Blair Witch Project?
Well, no. I'm doing one on high school students, in fact.
What for?
Well...it's kind of a sociological study in the aftermath of Columbine.
Is this to like get into Sundance?
Yeah, well, it's possible they would be interested in it.
Doubt it.
Actually, there is some interest from the Sundance Channel.
Whoopee.
So like, yeah I caved in. I mean, I had to. My parents, they're like still really depressed about Brady. So I wrote the bullshit essay. Filled out the applications, did the interviews Y'know, I figure I can always drop out.
So where'd you get in?
Prnceton.
But what did you get on your SATs?
Hey, um, Toby? I was wondering Is the documentary almost finished?
Uh, yeah, we're getting there.
Can I see what you have so far?
Sure um yeah, as soon as I have a screening I'll let you know.
What is most important to you?
Uh, Scooby, now I understand how you want to be a TV talk-show host and all, like Conan O'Brien, but did you know even he went to college?
He did?
Yeah. He went to Harward.
Oh, my God, Scooby! I'm so sorry...I'm so, so sorry...
Henry, what exactly are these crazed gunmen demanding?
Th-they want t-twenty-f-five million dollars cash--or Chemco will be destroyed.
Twenty-five-million! And what will they do if the money isn't delivered?
Th-th-they'll kill one hostage every hour until it is--
Does that include Helen Filmore, United States congresswoman?
Y-yes--
Uh-oh! Do you know if the demands are being taken seriously at this point, or does Washington think these people are just a bunch of crazy fuckers playing games?
Well, I-I hope that--that--
I don't know what hit us! We had them trapped on the stairwell. They could be anywhere now.
I now understand the expression "you get what you pay for!" A bunch of chumps!
We got trouble. That bodyguard son- of-a-bitch has them running all over the field--just took out three on the north end!
Well get someone down there!
Is he with the girl?
I'll lead.
I said I'll lead.
What are you going to do, Cooper, throw yourself on a Bunsen burner? It's a bunch of businessmen touring a lab. We'll be out in no time.
I gotta keep you alive--it's in my contract.
Just get me a coke and don't argue with me, OK?
I'm not arguing. I'm just telling you what the deal is--Congresswoman.
Anything else? Maybe a sandwich?
What are we going to do!
What now?
--be prepared.
We don't have time!
Let's move it we got company!
Forget about it.
He's a very stubborn man sometimes...
What do you mean?
After Leizburg, he stuck his neck out to defend me. He's loyal to the end. Even if it's not--politically correct at the time.
What's that supposed to mean?
What do you think?
Let me tell you something Cooper! I never once bad-mouthed him during all those months--
Cooper...
I drew my gun, ran in the direction of the cries...violating the first rule of service...I let the Ambass- ador out of my sight.
What happened?
You're a lot like my father, Cooper... you think with your heart.
Now what?
I'm going first. Taking the fire. If we go out together we're all dead!
What are you talking about?
They probably have guards on the roof--and they're gonna be firing at me--not you! ATKINS What makes you so sure?
Because I'll be firing at them.
What about rule one: never let the person you are protecting out of your sight!
Well Filmore--
Well Cooper...
Looks like you're not going to make that dinner after all...
I have a lighter!
How well do you know this place?
We're on sublevel six. We'll pass some labs and then we'll hit the stairwell--
Are the labs in operation?
I don't see why they wouldn't be.
How's the arm?
It's nothing to worry about.
That's it! Up ahead!
Where does it lead?
Enjoying the tour so far?
Are you going to kill us?
Go fuck yourself...
I hope you don't mind all this--it's just that the networks will eat it up, you know...
You're going to pay for this...
You understand that they're watching our every move right now--you think you're just going to sail away?
I know you're not too happy at this point. It's too bad we weren't able to meet elsewhere, under different circumstances...
I suppose...you think I should thank you.
You see, it paid off--you broke away from the old guard, congresswoman. It won't be long till they're calling you Senator Filmore--
Come on, drink up.
I don't want any...
I insist...
Came over the satellite. We're keeping the bird clear should they call back.
She's still alive.
Well?
We've prohibited the networks from broadcasting the transmissions.
Good.
Why the hell didn't you tell us this was at stake!
What about Cooper--where is he?
Looks like Richter isn't acting alone--he's heading into some dangerous waters.
She's as good as gone...
This was taken when Richter was arrested in Washington state, 1985. He was charged with interstate arms trafficking, skipped bail, and has since been a fugitive.
And--of course there is the human cost, which is incalculable.
Who's Ryan Cooper?
And what exactly do they intend to do?
The ball is in Richter's court. But we're sure as hell not going to sit on our hands while he assassinates people--we're gonna stop the son-of- a-bitch!
So, what are we looking at White?
What do you mean?
What do they have in there that's so valuable? A cure for AIDS, a cure for cancer?
I assure you gentlemen if we had something of that magnitude it wouldn't be shelved in a lab somewhere...
Is there anything in there that can blow? We have to be ready for any contingency--
Chemco makes many things senator! We were under government contract!
I haven't been briefed on any such thing!
Apparently, this project is--unique. But it's heavily protected--all formulas are heavily codified!
What the hell is it, anyhow?
Well, it's a binary formula--a precise amount of two separate chemicals must be exposed to the nitrogen in the atmosphere simultaneously for it to work.
He wouldn't take it on the helicopters. He'd transport it through pipelines that connect Chemco to the waterfront...
What!
How goes the roll call?
Have you broken it yet? We've got six more heads and that means six more hours.
Of course it's codified! Each number probably corresponds to a compound. Have them pull every compound from the lab and compare it to the codes till you figure it out--that's what you're here for.
Something tells me you don't want to be on TV, friend.
KZ...7-0...7-0...nine. It checks out.
Where the hell could they have gone!
What are you so worked up about jack? Fuck 'em--we don't need 'em.
I want the girl. I don't care about the rest--but a US congresswoman taken hostage will make for great copy. We'll make headlines all over the world...
What's happening at the waterfront?
We're almost done piping in directly to the Olympia. Should have it all in about an hour or so.
Our traveler's insurance, you know what I mean?
Gotcha. We've been filling barrels all day--we've got hell of a stockpile.
Good.
I say we head out.
Agreed--let's move it.
Are you hungry? We can discuss some final arrangements over some slop in the galley.
My crew is going to work alongside with your men, don't worry--we're a team!
Why should I worry? Is there a problem?
Well, there was uh, a little dissent about the amount of the bonus--
Dissent?
Are we adrift--
If I don't get power up we are!
Drop the anchor!
We can't--it's power driven!
Get your men to do it!
Just what the hell is he talking about?
Of the separate chemicals--I don't know, uh, offhand--
How much of this shit do they have, White!!
They must have got their hands on a test vial!
What does that mean?
Please be calm, Ambassador De Sade.
War-mongering bully! Don't think you're going to intimidate me!
Can I have a glass of water?
Certainly - how about some breakfast?
Possibly some coffee?
Thank you, Admiral.
Now, Mister Ambassador. In a very few moments we should have Premier Belch on the phone. I intend to tell him exactly what has happened. I merely want you to authenticate certain facts for him.
The food - you wouldn't put - anything in it, would you?
Don't be ridiculous.
I have your word, Mister President?
Where are you trying to reach him?
At his office in the Capitol.
If he's not there, try... 87 - 43 - 56.
What's the meaning of this?
I am sorry. Sub-miniature photography is my hobby. It's amazing what excellent en- largements you can make from the negative.
Well, it has been explained to me that, if you add a thick Cobalt-Thorium-G jacket to a nuclear device, the radio- activity resulting from such a nuclear explosion will retain its lethal power for a hundred years.
Our scientists calculated that the detonation of fifty of our biggest nuclear devices, jacketed in Cobalt-Thorium-G would enshroud the earth in a hundred years of lethal radio- activity from which no human life could escape. In ten months the Earth would be as dead as the Moon.
Where is this...thing?
Mister Ambassador, what on earth possessed your country to build this weapon?
But, finally, one factor tipped the scales. We received information from a very re- liable source that your country was going to build one.
That's preposterous! We have no such program!
The source was...shall we say, completely reliable.
Yes?
Damn you, de Sade! You know as well as I do that this was the act of a mentally sick man - a single individual, whose crack-up can probably be traced to the strains and tensions caused by your country.
It is very convenient to place all the blame on a dead man.
This dreadful accident could never have happened if your government hadn't cynically and hypocritic- ally blocked every proposal we made for disarmament or arms control!!
Bah! All you wanted to do was spy in our country!
That's nonsense, and you know it!
I know nothing of the sort!
Surely, you don't expect us to destroy our weapons without being able to verify that you are doing the same?
And surely you don't expect us to let you spy in our country before you destroy your weapons.
And now, Mister President, I must return at once to my embassy to communicate this reassuring news to the Premier.
Goodbye, Mister Ambassador.
Excuse me, Mister President, but you forgot to give me my camera back.
Premier Belch will not be fooled by this fantastic lie.
Don't you dare touch me! What the devil do you think you're doing?
I caught you red-handed, Mister Ambassador.
Give that back to me.
Do you mean to say you'd set it off in your own country?
Naturally. It would kill us just as surely even if we set it off in your country. But this way we know it's safe, and we don't have the problem of delivering it.
Mister President, I can't buy this malarkey; they wouldn't set the damn thing off. Why should they?
You're absolutely right. We wouldn't. No sane nation ever would. That's why it was designed to trigger itself automatically.
Then all you have to do is untrigger it.
Perhaps you gentlemen would like to check with the source?
You mean you'll tell us his name???
Please, Mister President, I am extremely shy and do not wish to endure this sort of personal humiliation. Here is the only other camera I have left.
My seven body orifices????
That's right, fella.
Major?...Major? I'm Colonel "Bat" Guano, 701 Battalion.
Come in...come in... Peace On Earth... Peace On Earth...yes...
Why are you saying that phrase over and over again?
I think that just might be it! Although it could be Riki-Tiki-Tavi.
What are you talking about, Major?
The three-letter code group. Or maybe some combination of the three letters. P...O...E, or P...E...O, or E...O...P... let's see, there would be six possible combinations.
Get a grip on yourself, Major!
Now, snap out of it, fella!
I did that for your own good, fella. Now I'm not going to pull rank on you. When this is over, I'll be happy to step outside with you and settle this thing. Right now my orders are to locate General Ripper and put him on the phone with the President.
Do you have any witnesses, Major?
What?
What happened, Major? Some kind of private beef between the two of you?
Look, I didn't shoot him!
We'll have to leave that up to the C.I.D. boys, won't we, Major?
Look, Colonel. I've got to talk to somebody at Air Command.
Don't worry, Major. Your rights will be fully protected.
Colonel, don't you know what's going on?
Sure I do. There was some kind of mutiny on the base, and you killed General Ripper.
Look, General Ripper went off his rocker and ordered the 843rd Bomb Wing to attack with H-bombs.
You must think I'm an awful sap, Major. Just sit down, fella, and keep your hands on the desk!
Didn't they tell you?
They told me, Major. And I didn't hear anything about any atomic attack.
Okay, fella. But just move slow and don't do anything that might surprise me.
Now look, I'm picking up this ordinary telephone. See?...Hello?...Hello?... Nuts, the lines must still be disconnected. The General had us disconnect...
Look, Colonel. Maybe it's too late. Maybe they've sent Air Command in already. But we've got to try to con- tact somebody.
On your feet, fella. I've got to get outside and see how my men are.
Okay, Colonel. But look, there's a pay phone just outside in the hall. Maybe that works, huh? Maybe it'll work? What do you think?
You've wasted enough of my time, fella.
Wait a minute. The President!! That's it! The President!!!
What about the President?
He wanted to talk to General Ripper, didn't he?
So what?
Operator...How much would the call be station-to-station?...Thirty-five cents cheaper?...I'd still be short twenty cents ...Just a second, operator... Colonel, shoot the lock off the Coke machine. There's bound to be enough change in there.
That's government property, Major.
I'm sorry, sir. General Schmuck is asleep and he isn't taking calls until eight-thirty.
What is your name, young lady?
Ceida Pietraszkiewicz.
What did you say?
Ceida Pietraszkiewicz...P...I...E... T...R...A...S...Z...K...I...E...W... I...C...Z.
Yes!
General Schmuck?
Go back to sleep, baby.
I didn't say anything. What's the meaning of disturbing me at this hour, Colonel?
Colonel, you're not drunk, are you, man?
No, sir.
Well, that's ridiculous. If the teleprinter and radio links are out of order, just pick up a phone and pay for a call.
Does the threat board show anything?
Well, Mister President.
What kind of trouble?
General Schmuck?
May I be stupid enough to inquire WHY IN HELL THE BASE COMMANDER OF THE 843d BOMB WING DID A THING LIKE THAT ???
To be perfectly honest, Mister President, we really aren't sure.
You aren't sure!
Not exactly, sir. You see, Colonel Puntrich at Air Command HQ received a call from him about twenty minutes ago. He asked General Ripper if he had issued the Go-code and the attack order, and General Ripper said: "Sure, the orders came from me. They're on their way in, and I advise you to get the rest of Air Command in after them. My
Damn it! Damn it! I've been telling you all for years you've got too damned many psychoes in the service.
Be fair, Mister President. Didn't we initiate the Human Reliability tests for all personnel handling nuclear weapons?
Just a second, sir. He's got films of the War Room in that thing!
Yes, sir. One thing, Mister President.
Yes?
Under a condition red alert, the base will probably be sealed off and defended by the base security troops.
I am aware of what a condition red alert implies.
Well, sir, they may not allow the Special Service troops to enter the base.
That's a very wise deduction, General.
Under the circumstances, General, what would you think they should do?
Well...I suppose penetrate the base by force.
You see, you knew the answer all the time, General.
But that would mean some of our own boys will get hurt, Mister President.
What do you suppose is going to happen if General Ripper's planes start bombing their targets?
I didn't speak to him, sir. But Colonel "Bat" Guano was in command of the Special Service battalion, so I would imagine he did.
I want him upped to Brigadier General, and recomended for the D.S.C.
Combat Operations Center, Major Mandrake speaking.
This is General Ripper speaking.
Yes, sir.
Do you recognize my voice?
Why do you think I ask?
I don't know, sir. We just spoke a few minutes ago.
Youddon't think I'd ask if you recognized my voice unless it was important, do you, Major?
Good. Has the Wing confirmed holding at X-points?
Yes, sir.
All right, Major. I'm putting the base on condition Red.
Condition Red!
That's right. I want this flashed to all section immediately.
You're a good officer, Major Mandrake. You have a right to know. It looks like we're in a shooting war!
A shooting war!
Yes, Major. This looks like it's going to be it.
But...what kind of a shooting war? Have they hit any of our cities yet?
Major, that's all I've been told. Just got it on the red phone. The base is to be sealed tight. And I mean tight.
Let me worry about that, Major. I've still got my red line to the Air Command.
That's right, sir.
We don't want to be vulnerable to saboteurs calling up and pretending to be different people from the President down, do we?
You're right, sir.
No calls from inside out. No calls from outside in are even answered. No calls.
I understand, sir. Nothing comes or goes without your personal say-so.
No calls at all. With or without my say-so. My voice can be imitated too, Major.
Yes, sir. I just thought of something, sir. How do I know I'm talking to you now?
Who do you think you're talking to?
To you, sir. But how do I know?
Are you trying to be insubordinate?
No, sir.
I hope not. Now, as soon as you do what I told you, have Plan-R radioed to the Wing.
Plan-R????
Are you hard of hearing, Major?
No, sir. Plan-R to be radioed to the Wing.
As soon as you've done that, shut down the communications center. Lock it up and assign the personnel to base security details.
General Ripper, if I shut down the communi- cations center, there'll be no radio or teleprinter contact with Air Command head- quarters or anyone, for that matter.
Are you questioning my orders, Major?
No, sir. I'm just bringing the facts to your attention, sir.
You're a good officer, Major, and you're perfectly right to bring these facts to my attention.
Thank you, sir.
Now, as soon as you've done that, double- up on all base security teams. Our enemies are plenty smart, and there might even be an attack on the base by saboteurs.
Yes, sir.
What's the gun for, General Ripper?
Please don't take any notice of this weapon, Major. I love all weapons, and as of late, I've just taken to keeping a loaded weapon nearby at all times.
Sort of like a new hobby, huh, General?
I see you're playing your radio, Major. Isn't that contrary to my instructions for the personnel of this base?
Oh, it's not my radio, sir. I picked it up in the communications center.
I didn't mean for anyone to play anyone else's radio either, Major.
Yes, sir. General, can I ask a question?
Certainly, Major Mandrake. You're a good officer, and you can ask me a question any time you want to.
Well, General Ripper, sir -- I was thinking -- we're on a condition red, aren't we?
That is correct, Major.
And a condition red means enemy attack in progress, doesn't it?
You know the regulations well, Major.
Well, sir, I was thinking, if an enemy attack is in progress, how come the radio's still playing music? It's supposed to go off, and all we should hear are Civil Defense broadcasts.
That's a good question, Major. Maybe if you think hard, you can think of the answer yourself.
Well, I was thinking, maybe an enemy attack is not in progress?
But then, sir, why have you issued the order: Wing attack, Plan-R?
Suppose that were the case?
But -- why...that would be an awful thing to do, sir.
Don't fret about it, Major. There's nothing anyone can do about it now. I'm the only one who knows the three-letter code group for the CRM-114.
I know that, sir.
I suppose they are, sir.
You're damned right they are.
How much soda, sir.
That about right?
What shall we drink to, sir?
General Ripper, can I ask another question?
Ask away, Major.
Well, General -- I was wondering, why are you doing this? I mean why do you want to start the war?
I've given it alot of thought, Major. Don't think I haven't.
No, sir. I mean I didn't think you hadn't given it a lot of thought.
Do you remember what Clemenceau once said about war?
I don't think so, sir.
He said war was too important a matter to be left to Generals.
I see.
When he said it, fifty years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too important to be left to the politicians. Do you follow me, Major?
I'm trying to, sir.
You see, Major, at this very moment, while we sit and chat, a decision is being made by the President in the War Room. He knows that the enemy will pick up our planes on their radar in about twenty minutes.
But when they do, sir, won't they hit back with everything they've got?
If we haven't taken any further action, they certainly will. Doyyourhappen to remember the statistics on our casualties in the event of a full-scale enemy attack?
Well, I think I remember reading the report on that. Wasn't it something like a hundred and sixty million?
That's close enough, Major.
But then why do you want to kill a hundred and sixty million of our people, sir?
I suppose we might catch them off their guard.
Our missiles would impact before my planes were even discovered by the enemy, wouldn't they?
I guess so.
I know so, Major. I know so. And add to that, the whole Air Command force being committed to clobber everything they've got.
But even then, we wouldn't get everything. I mean some missiles would abort, or they'd miss their targets, or maybe the enemy have some secret bases we don't know about.
You're absolutely right. You forgot to mention their nuclear subs. But it wouldn't matter. Sure we wouldn't get off without getting our hair mussed, but we'd prevail. I don't think we'd lose more than fifty million people, tops.
But if you just let things alone, we wouldn't lose anyone.
Major Mandrake, I guess you don't follow what's going on too closely, do you?
Where, sir?
Well, I know they've been going on for years, and they haven't gotten any place.
Not yet, Major. Not yet.
And I guess they won't until they agree to let us inspect inside their country.
You're very naive, Major. Don't they say they want disarmament?
Yes, sir. But so do we.
But we mean it because we are a peace- loving country. Are they a peace-loving country, Major.
I don't know, sir. But they're just as anxious to avoid a nuclear war as we are. War just doesn't make sense any more, for anybody.
But war doesn't make sense precisely because the weapons can kill an entire country -- right?
Right.
Then don't you realize the Bomb gives us Peace not War? And, if that's the case, I ask you again: Why do they want disarmament?
Go on, Major.
I was just going to say, as long as the weapons exist, sooner or later something's going to happen -- and that'll be it for both countries.
I've heard the arguments. Like Napoleon's quote, "There's one thing you can't do with a bayonet, and that's - sit on it."
That's right, sir. And don't forget in a few years a lot of other countries will have the bomb. What if they start something?
Go on, Major. You fascinate me.
I still ask, why do they want disarmament?
Well, for the same reasons we do, sir. Don't you see?
No, Major, I don't. They have no regard for human life. They wouldn't care if they lost their whole country as long as they won.
Gee, sir, that last remark doesn't exactly make all the sense in the world.
Major, you're talking like one of them!
Well, I'm not, sir. Honestly, sir.
Don't be offended, Major. Our President holds the same views.
Don't you think he knows something about this, General Ripper?
I'll tell you what I do think. If they say they're for disarmament, I say anyone who says they're for disarmament is either a traitor or a damned fool.
But, General, we're on our toes. We haven't agreed to anything for years. Inffact, a a lot of people say we never will.
But if they suddenly opened up and gave us the inspection we want, we'd agree, wouldn't we?
If they gave us what we think we need, yes, I guess we would.
And you'd like to see that?
General, what's good enough for the President and all the experts he's got working on the thing, is good enough for me.
Do you think we'd cheat?
No, sir. I'm sure we wouldn't.
Do you think they would cheat?
Look, sir. I'm no expert on the subject, but I've read some pretty sharp ideas the big boys have. Like, say, both countries agreeing to a million dollar reward and international protection for anyone who gives evidence of cheating to the inspectors. You can't hide those things without a lot of people knowing about it. And if I were going to try and hide
Major, those are my boys out there dying.
To peace on earth, Major.
General, now that you've done that, I beg you to recall the Wing.
It was a honest mistake, sir.
I presume the planes are armed?
I'm afraid so, Mister Presient. Being part of the air-borne alert, each plane is carrying a full load - about fifty megatons apiece.
Well, what about the Positive Control, the safety catch? Don't the planes automatically come back unless they get a second order?
That's right, sir. But the planes were at their Positive Control points, ready to turn around when General Ripper issued the final Go-code.
And I suppose there's some reason why you haven't recalled them?
Yes, sir. The base commander, General Ripper, selected Plan-R?
What the hell is Plan-R?
Well, sir, Plan-R is an emergency plan to be used by lower echelon commanders if higher echelons have been knocked out by a sneak attack.
Why can't you cancel it?
Once the orders have been given, Plan-R requires any new orders to be received on the CRM-114 in the aircraft. But the CRM-114 will not receive any transmissions unless they are preceded by the proper three-letter code group.
And I suppose you're going to tell me you don't know what the three-letter code is.
How soon until the enemy finds out what's going on?
We estimate the planes should be entering their coastal radar cover in about twenty-five min- utes.
How could you let this happen, General Schmuck?
Mister President, I know you think I've let you down, but we had to have a Plan-R. If we completely centralized the command and control, all a potential aggressor would have to worry about was knock- ing out maybe half a dozen headquarters and the Capitol, and we'd be out of business. We'd have planes and missiles just sitting there while we were getting
Then there's no chance for recall?
General Jack D. Ripper, sir.
I want to talk to General Ripper.
I don't think that's a fair analogy, sir.
But he'll hear everything we're saying. And if he just looks out of that window, he'll see everything we're doing.
We don't operate like you KGB boys.
Have you received acknowledgements from every plane?
They're coming in now.
How long will it take to receive them all?
I believe it will be just a few minutes, at the most.
How many planes did we lose?
I'm not certain, Mister President. But I believe it was four.
General Schmuck, are you positive of your figures?
Naturally I am, sir.
He says they've only shot down three planes.
Well, if you choose to take his word over mine ---
Look, he's there, and you're here.
Mister President, there were thirty-four aircraft involved. Thirty acknowledged the recall. That makes four shot down.
How do you know they were shot down, Buck?
Yes?
Well, sir, it looks like one aircraft, the "Leper Colony", failed to receive the recall.
Have you tried the recall again?
Yes, sir. We're still sending it. But it's a funny thing we don't seem to be able to make any contact with the aircraft at all.
What's the target.
Is there any chance a single aircraft can penetrate the entire enemy Air Defense, when its course and target are known?
If I can speak freely, sir -- look, these guys talk big, but frankly, we think they're short of know-how. You can't just take a bunch of ignorant peasants and expect them to understand a machine like one of our boys, and I don't mean that as an insult, Mister Ambassador. Hell, we all know what kind of guts your people have. Why just
General, stick to the point, please.
You've lied to me twice - I'm sorry, but it will be strictly routine. These men are experts.
Yeah, to see if we're on our toes.
Give me a first rough course as soon as you can, Lieutenant Ballmuff.
I've got the heading, Major. One-three-eight.
Roger, maintain.
We should be crossing the coast in about six minutes.
Thanks, Binky. Can you see Bromdingna Island yet?
All right...we're still flying. I'm taking her down to the deck.
Give me revs for maximum speed at sea level.
You know what that'll do to our fuel consumption.
What else could it be?
He's right. We wouldn't have started it.
They must have clobbered some of our cities already!
He's right. They must have clobbered some of our cities already.
Maximum ECM.
Then this is it.
What?
War.
I'm sorry, Major Kong. I guess I was way out of line.
A through H is correct.
Main interference linked to electronic detector. Fight interference on readi- ness state.
Check.
Check.
Missiles! Sixty miles off, heading in fast. Steady track, they look like beam riders.
Just the missiles.
They must have been fired from Bromdingna - probably one of their new Vampire - 202's. They've got a range well over a hundred miles.
Forty-five. Still coming straight and fast. Twelve o' clock.
Speed?
Between Mach 3 and 4.
Call them every five miles.
Twenty! Twelve o' clock.
Shouldn't be bad. Might even help. But my guess is we're going to have to paddle our way back.
Yeah, I got it in the thigh.
Why can't he help me now? He's sitting two feet away from me!
Come on, Quentin, isn't that pretty selfish, putting yourself ahead of the mission?
Look, I'm shot - it hurts.
Lieutenant Quiffer, we're all sorry you were hit, and we'll help you stick it together as soon as we get squared away.
Roger.
Fighters closing fast - range fifty miles.
They must have made a visual contact.
Must be Mach two-five stuff. Altitude fifteen thousand.
They can't touch us at this height.
If they come down low enough to make a firing pass, they'll never be able to pull up in time.
I think they mean business.
Sorry, King. My leg's stiff as a board.
Well, listen, King. Could you take her up to about eight hundred? That'll help you come in at a nice down-angle, and it'll give us a chance for our chutes to open.
Sure, I'll take her up to eight hundred.
Could you take her up right now, King? Other- wise we'll get kind of close to the fireball.
Hey, King. Somebody at Burpelson has a very perverted sense of humor.
Yeah?
Wing attack, Plan-R. That's exactly what it says.
Check your code again. No one at base would pull a stunt like that, Terry.
No, this looks like the real thing.
Okay. Check these points. Complete radio silence. To ensure that the enemy can't plant false transmissions and fake orders, the CRM-114 is to be switched into all receiver circuits. The three code letters of the period are to be set on the alphabet dials of the CRM-114, which will in turn block any transmissions other than those preceded by the code letters. You got
Roger, I'm setting up the CRM-114.
Lieutenant Toejam, are you ready for Bim and Bam?
Primary arming switch.
I thought I should check out the damage first. My gear is busted up pretty bad.
So am I.
Listen, I think I'm hit bad.
Where'd they get you?
What does it look like?
Some kind of signaling.
No kidding.
Yep, it's the CRM-114 code, all right.
Gee, we hate to leave you like this, Major Kong. But there isn't anything we can really accomplish by sticking around.
Listen, King, old buddy. On behalf---
In about twenty minutes we start losing height to keep under coastal radar. Cross in over the coast low-level, continue low- level on zig-zag legs to primary, and climb for bomb run. Any questions?
I've got one.
Shoot, Lothar.
Our targets are a missile complex and an airfield - not cities, right?
That's what I said.
Well, if there's a war, they must have hit us first.
What's your point, Lothar?
Well, if they hit us first, they've probably fired off their missiles and got their planes off the ground already. We'll just be hitting empty real estate.
Are you saying our order don't make sense?
Check target approach.
Bomb doors circuit is green, bomb release circuit is green, bomb fusing circuit is green.
Check, all bomb circuits green. Okay, Lothar.
When do you want to arm the bomb for the primary, Major?
Primary circuit is live.
Release first safety.
Second safety.
Fusing for ten thousand air burst.
Master safety.
Primary bomb is live.
All right, Lothat, that does it. Master safety on now until bomb run.
Let's have a rundown on the damage, Lothar?
Everything still checks out okay.
Yes, Major.
Lothar, get up here fast, and bring your First- Aid kit! I'm hit kinda bad, I think.
Can't "Ace" help you?
He's dead.
What happened?
I bit his jugular vein. Now will you shut up and get up here???
Where'd they get you?
How do you know he's dead?
He's dead, all right.
I don't know what we got left besides Bim and Bam.
No, look! It's "OPE - Recall Mistake."
Recall what mistake?
You sure have to hand it to those guys.
What do you mean?
I mean pulling a stunt like that.
What do you mean?
Well, we sure as hell aren't going home just because the enemy tells us to.
Wait a minute, Major. "OPE," that's the recall code. Where would they get that?
You tell me.
They must have gotten it from the base. No one else would know it.
Why should they call us back?
Lieutenant Zogg, what do our orders say about the authentication of orders during an attack mission?
Look, this is different.
Our orders warn us to expect the enemy to use ingenuity in issuing contrary and confusing orders. And therefore, to disregard anything that doesn't come on the CRM-114.
But the CRM-114 has been smashed for almost an hour.
Then that settles it, doesn't it?
Like hell it does.
The CRM-114 is smashed, right?
Right. So how could we get any messages?
That's the point.
I don't get you, King.
I said that's the point!
Look, King, maybe you've lost too much blood, or something.
Lieutentant Zogg, how would you like your black butt slung into a General Court Martial when we get back???
Take it easy, Major Kong.
There are plenty of traitors and spies running around loose.
But the code is made up by General Ripper, and he's the only one left at the base who would know the code.
Nobody's loyalty is beyond question. Besides, how do we know one of his staff didn't see it?
Come on, King. That doesn't make sense.
We crossed the coast over an hour ago. Okay?
You're giving them an awful lot of credit for being on the ball.
First lesson in War College: Never under- estimate your enemy.
Sorry, King.
Who's that?
It's me - Lothar. Are you okay?
I'm okay. What's up?
Well, I hate to say this, but I think the bomb bay doors are stuck.
Are you sure?
Well, I can't get out and look, King. But I don't get a green light.
Maybe the warning system's out.
But I get a red light.
Have you tried the emergency system?
Lothar, can you arm the bombs for impact?
But I TOLD YOU, I don't think we can get the bomb bay doors open.
I asked you a question, Lothar!
There's no other way, Lothar. Can you re-arm the bombs for impact?
Let me check.
I think it's okay, King. They should go off on impact.
Would it matter if they hit at a flat angle? I mean, do you think the deuterium mass might separate from the atomic trigger?
Well, it would probably help if you took it ...sort of...straight down.
We're on course, Major. Just fixed our position on that river back there.
I thought I'd go along for the ride.
Now what the hell did you want to go and do a thing like that for, Lothar?
King, would you mind if I keep me hands on the wheel when you take her in?
I'd be mighty proud if you did, Lothar.
Thanks, King. I've always wanted to take one of these big babies in.
Listen, Lothar. You know that crack I made about your...butt?
Forget it.
I just wanted you to know I didn't mean anything by it.
Sure, King.
At the bottom of mines?
In a matter of weeks, sufficient improvements for a dwelling space could be provided.
But they couldn't come out for a hundred years!
It would not be difficult. Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely. Greenhouses could maintain plant life. Animals could be bred and slaughtered. A quick survey would have to be made of all the suitable minesites in the country, but I shouldn't be surprised if several hundred thousand of our people could be accomodatedd. Every nation would undoubtedly follow suit.
But who would be chosen?
When they emerge, a good deal of present real estate and machine tools will still be recoverable, if they are moth-balled in advance. I would guess they could then work their way back to our present gross national product within twenty years.
But, look here, Von Klutz. Won't this nucleus of survivors be so shocked, grief-stricken, and anguished that they will envy the dead, and indeed, not wish to go on living?
Uh, yeah, she should be coming by.
Uh, well, what'd she say? Is Pony coming?
We are?
Mn-hm.
Um-hm.
I just walked all the way from Westside to here. I haven't walked that far since junior high. I thought you didn't drink.
I don't anymore.
Can I have some?
You know, one moment things are so fucked up than you look at it from a totally different angle and it makes sense.
Yeah.
Did you ever hear that saying, "This too shall pass"?
Sure, all the time, in Group.
In Group?
Rehab. Outpatient. I have to go once a week. It's kind of like AA.
Oh, yeah, you had to go to Highgate. That must've been intense.
Intense.
How long were you in there?
Uh, ninety days. And now I just have to go once a week. See, I'm rehabilitated.
Well, you shouldn't drink. Are you gonna drink?
No. Oh, maybe. Fuck.
I mean, that would suck if you had to go back to rehab.
Yeah, it would suck big time. I'd kill myself first.
It was pretty bad, huh?
We were all riding around and it suddenly hit me what we were doing. We were getting off on the fact that we're in a car teen feet longer than all the rest. And I got out and I just started walking.
Yeah.
Well, what it was... I, I don't want to admit it, but, you know, I was jealous of Pony.
Well, sure, he's rich and he's famous. He's got everything and you've got nothing.
Yeah, but, when I was walking, I realized that he's stuck in that limo all the time. He's stuck with his interviews, he's stuck with his autograph, he has to do whatever his manager tells him to do, you know? He's not free. He's just part of the machine, and if you think about it, freedom's all that there really is.
Yeah, I guess.
You know? And it used to scare me so much that I didn't know what was coming in my life.
Mm-hm.
That was really great.
Was it okay?
Yeah!
What did you guys think?
Slides go with it.
It's called "Burger Manifesto, Part One The Dialectical Expression of Testosterone." Isn't that a great title?
Uh-huh.
Responsibility, progress.
Typical male.
Typical male.
Typical male.
Uh, home, you know.
Yeah, I talked to your mom. I think I woke her up. I hope I didn't get you in trouble.
Want a beer? Is Pony coming?
Yeah, we all want to see him. So when's he coming?
Hey!
Hey. Do you have a cigarette?
No I quit.
Hey, you said you did a video?
Yup.
What's it about?
It's really not about anything.
Oh. Well, what's it on?
A cloud.
A cloud?
Yeah. There was this cloud and I video taped it.
Oh.
I was doing schrooms and I saw this cloud. It looks excellent on tape. The video is like my head and, and everything, you know, is, like, is like in there that I see. You know? Plus, I'm gonna come down here one night and walk around inside the Circle A with the camera and tape shit.
Oh, that's so amazing. I wish I could see it.
You can see it. Whenever you want. Don't you, um, work at a hospital or something?
Yeah, I'm a nurse's aide at Mercy.
Your a nurse?
No, I, you know, I help 'em out. I empty bedpans and bring 'em lunch. That kind of thing.
Any gunshot victims?
Oh, some of 'em. But it's mostly just strokes and shit. I mean, most of 'em just sleep all the time and get kind of yellow. Usually they die id they're, you know, really yellow.
Sounds like a bummer.
Oh, no, it's not. I mean, they're not all totally in a coma. I mean, they know when I'm helping them.
Mm. Hey, what are you doing now?
Right now?
Yeah.
I don't know. Waiting, I guess. You know?
Do you wanna go to the van?
Now?
Yeah, we could hang out and smoke a dube, you know?
I don't smoke dubes and I don't really hang out. But I'll go back. Okay.
Guy should cut down on his caffeine intake.
Oh yeah? Oh, how'd you ship it over there, man? Federal Express? Hm? By the time it got there it'd be way cold and coagulated. Total waste. Cheese be stuck to the cardboard.
Buff, that slice is the difference between life and death for some half-dead Bangladeshi.
Yo, your gettin' me all upset here.
Your ability to fantasize is only exceeded by your ability to lie.
Oh, untrue, Jeffster. I think, uh, two weeks ago we attended a concert where I had fucked two girls.
Hey, it's me. No, that's, that's the ultimate liar of liars.
And your mom.
No, I'm here. Where are you?
Where are you-hoo?
No, no, no, no, I don't wanna be stuck with the guy. I want the tickets.
Stuck, who? What guy? Huh?
Stuck with what guy?
What?
You said you didn't want to get stuck with some guy. What guy?
No, uh, nobody. It's, uh, it's my birthday this week and Sooze's brother might come by to wish me a happy birthday.
It's your birthday?
Yeah.
But, so, Pony's comin' by here to the corner?
Pony's coming here to the corner?!
I don't know. Later. I don't know.
Don't let 'em fight.
No, I seriously doubt that Pony's gonna be in a limo.
That's the rock star thing.
No, no.
Oh, I'll bet you he has a babe with him right out of a triple-x video. Oh, oh, Pony, come on, give it to me! Stud! Oh!
Buff, Buff, Buff, Buff, Buff.
Sorry.
Jesus Christ.
You wanna bet he's with a girl?
No, he's not with a girl.
Oh, right. Oh, oh my God! Pony, it's so huge!
You know what? He probably gets bored with all that shit.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Wait, um, how do you figure that?
I'd get bored.
I wouldn't. If I were in his shoes, every morning I'd get up singing, man. Do my work-out, take a shower, followed by a hearty breakfast, steak and eggs, washed down with a pot of hot coffee, six pack of Coors Lite. Then I'd order my bodyguard to go find my babe, who would appear decked out in her all-black leather Victoria Secret custom-made
That sounds so great, man. Yes. Yes. Hey, what would you do in the afternoon?
Same, more of the same. Yep, just keep doing the same thing all the time, around and around the clock. With an occasional burger or slice of thrown in for our vitamins and energy. Then, instead of watching Gilligan, we'd watch Captain Kirk.
That sounds so depressing.
Oh, come on, man. Tell me you wouldn't love it!
No, I'm not saying that I wouldn't love it.
Ah!
I'm saying no, I'm saying after a while it'd wear thin.
Yeah, a long while. A long, long while.
A long, long, long, long, while.
Okay, okay.
A long, long, long...
So, do you guys want to do something, go someplace or something like that?
Go!
You know what we should do? Go to the...
Fuck it!
You know what? Go with him. Just go with him.
Hey! Whoa, you look like shit. You been home yet?
No, no.
Hey. Hey. Are you trying to get a hold of Sooze?
Yeah. Get ahold of Sooze?
No, no, I wasn't trying.
She was at the Four Seasons last night, man. But you shouldn't worry about that.
No, I'm not, I'm not worried. I'm not worried.
No. Life is too short.
No, I'm not worried.
Good.
Uh, Buff, I'm, I'm, gonna tell you something and, uh, you got, you got, you gotta promise not to tell anyone, alright?
Sure.
No, I mean, no one.
Hey, you know me.
Buff, look at me for a second. No, this is serious.
Yeah.
Uh, last night...
Yeah, I should've stuck up for you, man, I know. You're my friend, she's your old lady.
No, no.
I feel really bad about that, but I was busy, you know, I mean...
No, look, this is not about Sooze, alright. Wait, wait, wait, wait. She stayed at the Four Seasons last night with Pony?
Yeah, we all stayed at the Four Seasons, man. It was party time. Hey, I hung out with Danny, Pony's manager. Really nice guy. We talked about the video. They want a raw look. Something fresh. Danny said if I can capture the reality of Burnfield, it'd make a great tape.
Okay, Buff, listen to me for a second alright?
No, I know what you're going to say. I don't know anything about making a video. But that's a plus.
No.
Because since I'm just starting out, I've got a fresh point of view, and that's good for, you know, marketing, demographics...
Buff, listen to me. Could you just-
But I'd, I'd do it for free. You know, just for my reel.
Buff, can you listen to me for a second?
Oh, and guess who showed up.
No, shut up! Look, look, alright, Tim is in trouble.
I know, man.
You know?
Yeah, that's what I'm trying to tell you. That chick Erica?
What, they're looking for her?
No man, she showed up last night at the hotel. We has a great time together. I stayed in her room last night, man. What can I say?
Wait a minute, wait a minute. You saw Erica last night?
Yeah, I saw all of Erica last night, man.
Buff, you got to stop making shit up. It didn't happen.
Y- s-sure it did.
No. It didn't, Buff.
Wait. Hey, man.
Erica is in the van back there.
What?
Look.
Hey, man.
She's in the van.
What she doin' in the van, man?
Buff...
What?
She's dead.
She's dead?
Look, Tim confessed to me last night.
Tim...
Tim killed Erica. Tim's a murderer.
Bullshit.
No, no, no.
That's bullshit. That's total utter bullshit.
Oh, really? You wanna go look?
Yeah, man.
Let's go look, then. Let's go look, then!
Ow! Hey! Get the heck in there! Hey... Not dead! Definitely not dead!
Guess not.
See, I wasn't making shit up, man.
No.
God, Tim lied to your ass, man. That guy's sad, man. Well, uh, I gotta go, but, uh, listen, if I don't come back, I'll send a video of me surfing. Alright, man? Get some rest. Go with the flow.
Ah, you know people there?
Fuck her! Come on, let's go.
Hey, I'm Sooze.
Yeah.
Come on.
Sure. You make art and you want people to see it.
Hey, come on, man! Limo!
Really?
I don't think I like that guy's attitude at all. Hey, you know what? Take off the blades. I mean it. I'm gonna break your fucking legs. Take 'em off.
Come on man.
Pony? What's a "pony"? You mean that geek who played the folk music at the senior prom? What's that guy's name? Neil Moynihan?
Hey! On behalf of Burnfield, I present to you the keys to the city.
So, how was the ride, kids?
Great.
They are old, we are young, they are fast, we are fun.
Hey, man.
Yeah, he's told me. Burnfield. We all hear about Burnfield.
Mm. You know, does he tell you about how, uh, Jeff, Pony, started the band...?
Oh, you were in the band?
Your his publicist?
Sure I am. It's fun.
What do you mean? His girlfriend?
Well, that's one way of putting it.
Am I fucking him?
Shit.
So, then, you're, like, available?
In what way?
Buff.
Yes! Free concert!
Hey! Hey.
I'm so burnt-out.
Oh, how did you get burnt-out?
Playing with something really hot. Yeah.
Oh, my God, you found it. Thank you so much. Did you get your tape?
Yup. Hey, um, so, um, listen, man, I got to go show the tape to Danny at the hotel, and if I get the gig, Erica is gonna teach me how to surf in L.A.
Oh, I'll teach you how to surf even if you don't get the gig.
I can come visit?
You better! Yes!
I will.
Score! Yeah!
He paid you man.
You owe me twenty cents. Come on, seven-twenty. Seven-twenty.
Hey, we're just having a conversation.
Look, look, look. You gotta go now, okay? The customers complain.
We're your customers. We're not complaining.
It's safe, come on.
Hey, call the cops! Call 'em, call 'em right now, man. Maybe my cousin Jerry will show up. He'll definitely take your word over mine. You can tell him about the trespassing. I'll tell him about how you sell beer to minors.
You stand someplace else, man. You stand someplace else. This is our corner. You don't fucking own it!
Yes I do. My family owns it. It's ours. You don't belong here.
Pakeesa? It's okay. Come on. It's okay. Come on, they're just joking around.
Yeah. Yeah, it's okay for you. It's okay. Enjoy yourself.
Are you talking to me?
It's okay.
Glad it's okay.
I'll tell you what. When I get my engineering degree and I'm swimming in my swimming pool, it will be very fucking okay.
Um, if you're talking to me, could you make some sense? 'Cause I don't speak Swahili.
In two more years I'll have an engineering degree. We'll sell the store, we'll move away from Burnfield and the store and you standing here.
Good. See you later.
You're a drunk and an idiot.
You're wife sucks my cock every night, swallows my cum and loves it. That's okay.
Yeah, well, uh, you're not so smart, chief, 'cause I'm moving out to L.A.
Hey, yes! Hey, Pony, man! Great concert tonight!
Oh, you were there?
No, but I heard it was great.
So tell us, man. Party time, trashin' hotel rooms, babes around the clock?
Naw, naw, we don't have time for all that.
Yeah, we're all above that.
See, I wrote something about all this. Uh, it, it's a song about...
No, no, no, no, no, it's new.
Please.
I don't care. I'm gonna drop it. I'm gonna drop it. I'm...
Whoa!
Hey, I'm glad you put truth in your song, man. That's important.
Come on, man. Sh, sh, sh.
Thanks. See man?
You make videos?
Oh, yeah, all the time. That's what I do now.
You know what would be cool is, like, to do a music video, you know? But, like, you know, have it set in here. You know, like, like, like, with her and shit. You know, like, you know, like, "Closed, closed, closed, closed, closed, closed."
"Closed, closed, closed." But with your music.
You could do it.
I could.
Yeah!
Yeah.
I mean, do you have something I could show my manager? I mean, do you have a reel?
Yes!
Yeah!
You okay, man? You okay?
I didn't want to eat this much, man.
Hey, play that demo again, man. Alright.
Thanks, man!
What's up guys?
You were a shitty lineman and now your a shitty cop. Yeah, blow me, I'm drunk.
Okay, come on. Time to slow down.
Who's going to slow me down? You, you fat pig.
Alright, get in the car before I have to embarrass you in front of your friend.
Will you stand up for me?
Okay.
Come on. Inside.
So you came by to see how the other half lives, huh? Well, here we are, What do you think? Pretty fucking pathetic huh? Kind of like one of those documentaries on educational TV?
It's nice here. It's different.
Hi.
Hi.
So you, like, come from a town like this or...?
No, not really. I come from an "area". Bel Air.
You rich?
No, not really. Middle-class.
Oh, me too. Middle-class.
Thinks he is. Well, he is.
He is?
Yes.
He is.
He is.
You got everything right but the car. My dad didn't get me a BMW.
What'd he get you?
A Porsche.
Mm.
Yeah. So, what about you?
What about me? I don't have a car.
You just seem to know all these things about me and I don't know anything about you, you know. What kind of music do you like?
Military marching bands.
You think I'm rich and you hate me.
Now, how the hell would you know what I think? Hm? You don't know me.
I'd like to.
Oh, yeah?
You know, it was the biggest mistake of my life.
Really?
Well, I mean, you have to understand I was just this dopey kid mopping floors and kissing officer ass. I mean, well, I enlisted right out of high school. So I just wanted something different in my life.
Mm.
"It's not a job, it's an adventure." Right? I hated it. I had to get out. So I was working in the kitchen, chopping lettuce, you know, real heroic stuff, and I, uh, I had this big fucking knife and I chopped off the tip of my little finger and three days later I was a free man.
You cut off your little finger?
Well, they, uh they were nice enough to sew it back on.
I mean, what is there to be happy about really? I mean, going to the gym, climbing the StairMaster, eating the yogurt, checking the voice mail. Smoking the low-tar cigarettes, shaving the bikini line. Sometimes I just want something different, you know?
What was your name again?
Erica.
Erica. So do you think you and I are alike, Erica?
Deep down. Way down.
It's a mistake to think that.
We could still talk, you know? It's nice to talk.
It's nice to do a lot of things.
That's what I mean.
I'm not a nice guy.
I know. It's okay.
Yeah?
Mm-hm. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. If I didn't want to be here, I'd be in a limo right now with a bunch of kids looking for Chinese food.
No, no, see, you, you don't understand.
It's okay. This kind of thing happens. It's just never happened to me. I'm sorry. It's true though. Mm. So, um, what's your TCB tattoo stand for? What's that about?
Taking care of business.
He says we got to be at the radio station at seven a.m. Can you handle that?
Oh, sure.
Great. Hi. I'm Erica.
Oh, Erica, this is my friend Jeff.
Hi, Jeff. Nice to meet you.
Jeff, Erica. God, it's so amazing to be back home.
Oh, wow.
Oh, you were excellent tonight, Pony.
We were?
I love writing. A-Anne Rice? I love Anne Rice.
Mm.
He wrote this thing about his dick once and he read it in front of the whole class.
I'd love to read that.
Hi.
Oh, uh, Erica? Erica is the publicist for the band.
Nice to meet you Sooze. Hi, I'm Erica.
Um, mother-daughter.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's, you know, it's a bed and hot water.
It's coming along.
Erica, you coming?
Two-fifty.
Two-fifty? They go up?
Can you tell me what happened?
He's drunk.
Uh-huh.
Buff, sit. You know what I mean though? Somebody ought to crack that guy with a baseball bat.
Yeah, well, he's from a Third World country. He doesn't have it easy.
What? What the fuck do you know about the third world? You been there? No? No, well, I have. Fuckers live like sardines in a can over there, you know. Everything stinks. It's true, there's no, you know, law, no order. No nothing. The assholes come over here, they think it's gonna be the same.
Hey, he's a human being you can give him that much.
Actually, the only thing I gotta give that guy is a one-way ticket back to Greaseball-land.
If it's all so fucking futile, what the fuck are you so fucking upset about, fuckhead?
You don't need to sit next to me right now.
Who were you talking to?
Oh, no, you wanted to get together with your close friend, Pony, the rockstar. I understand. So you, do you, want us to, leave?
Jeff, Jeff, if you want to be alone with Pony, you know, that's, that's fine with us.
Sooze wants to see him.
Yeah, yeah, I stay at the Four Seas, it's ease.
Wow, you're cute when you're angry.
No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I don't need a limousine to know who I am, alright?
Right on. You know what? He doesn't need the limo, man.
I mean, you know, at least I admit that I don't know. I know that things are fucked up beyond belief and I know that I have nothing original to say about any of it, alright? I don't have an answer. I don't have a fucking message.
Okay, great. Well, now he's crying. Are you guys happy?
I ate a dog when I was in Thailand. Tasted exactly like this sparerib.
Tim, what are you talking about?
See ya later.
To women. They're all whores. Let us not forget what Chenowsky said. "The greatest men are the most alone." And without suffering, Jeffery, you will never gain wisdom.
I'm not suffering, you know. I don't give a shit.
Yeah. Yeah, no, you're right. It's no big deal, you know. Guy probably has his arm around her right now, holding her close, nudging her titty with his elbow, talking about the deep significance of his music, while she looks up at him with her big brown eyes. In a few minutes they'll be back at the Four Seasons. You ever, you ever stayed
No.
Well, it ain't no pup tent in the garage, you know what I mean? Fuck. So they'll talk and talk. They'll probably talk all night. And, oh, they'll decide that they're gonna spend the night together, right? But, you know, they're gonna keep their underwear on and they're not gonna do anything. By six a.m. he's parking the pink Cadillac. Fuck. There's really only
What?
Anarchy, my friend. Fuck 'em. You know what I mean?
Yeah, fuck 'em.
No, no, say it like this. Fuck 'em!
Oh, no, no, no. This is no big deal, you know? I can come down and, and get you out.
No, no. I'm not, I'm not talking about this. I did a bad thing, Jeff.
What? What'd you do?
That chick, Erica?
Well, w-what happened?
Well, I, you know, I took her to the van, you know. It was goin' all hot and heavy and she started hanging on me, you know? And she started crying, "Tim, Tim, what's the matter? I love you. Don't go!" And I was just looking at her stupid face and her stupid eyes, stupid mouth and I was filled with disgust, man. And
What'd you do?
I hit her.
You hit her? Oh, wait, wait a minute. Why'd you hit her?
Because I was fucked up, man. I just kept hittin' her till she didn't move anymore.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. She's unconscious?
Go look, man. Go look. Go see for yourself, if you got the guts.
They let you out?
Yeah, of course they let me out. Chickenshits. I gotta pay some class C misdemeanor ticket. So did I call it or did I call it? She spent the night, didn't she? Hm? Oh, that sucks for you, pal. Oh, shit.
You lied to me.
You want to know what your problem is, Jeff? You want to believe so bad, you'll buy anything. It's true. Look at you. You're gullible and you're gutless.
No, no. That's not the way it is at all. No, I stayed up all night trying to figure out how to protect my best friend. Wait, yeah, no, I was trying to come up with some lie so that you wouldn't have to go to jail for the rest of your life.
Wow. You did that for me?
Yes.
Well, you know, all I can say is, you're a fucking fool.
Why? Because I give a shit?
Oh, shit.
Because I care, I'm a fucking fool?
Oh, Jeff, give me a break. You didn't even have the guts to go look in the van, did you?
Oh no, no. You know what? Fuck that. No, you lied to me. You lied to me because you're gutless. You're a gutless, drunken looser.
I'm a loser. And I'm drunk. But I'm not gutless.
You know, and what are you doing here in the first place, man? He's just gonna call the cops again.
Good, good. I, I hope he does.
The sun hasn't even come up yet and you're drinking.
Hey, you saw that brown bitch point a gun at me last night, man. Did you think she was gonna use it?
I don't know.
You don't know?
No.
Come on. You don't think that after they called the cops on me, her and Mohammed had a nice laugh?
No? Well, I disagree. I think they did. I think they probably went home last night and, you know, kicked off their sandals and had a nice laugh about the drunk on the corner, you know? Makes me sick.
What are, what are you doing? Look, Tim, just go home. Alright. Go home and sleep it off.
Well, what am I supposed to sleep off? My life? You know, I'm supposed to go home and go to sleep and when I wake up, what'll I be, Jeff? A pilot? Maybe a Super Bowl quarterback or, no, maybe a fucking rock star. Right? I don't think so, man.
Just go home, alright?
This is my home.
Why, why did you start this in the first place, man? They never hurt you.
They never hurt me? They hurt me every day with their attitude. You know, like they even have a right. Who the fuck do they think they are? Let me tell you something, I was born here. Alright? I'm an American. And I'm owed something. Look, they took it from me.
They're just people. Alright? They got feelings, you know?
What about my feelings? What about my fucking feelings? These assholes, they come over here, they know all the answers, right? Well, they don't know shit.
Will you just put the gun down?
No.
Jeff, stay there.
He's got a gun. He's got a gun.
Hey, w-why don't you see if he's hiring, you know? Get an application?
Tim, can we go? This is ridiculous.
Jeff! Come up here!
Is that Bee-Bee?
What?
Seven-twenty.
Why we're just standing here.
You know, this, what you're doing with your life...
I don't know.
You know, it's not you. You know? You seem like a smart guy.
Yeah, well, thank you for the advice, but you wouldn't understand what is going on with me.
Oh, it's very complicated, huh?
That's right.
No, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! What is your name?
Look, why do you care, huh?
Because maybe if we know each other's names, things wouldn't get like this, My name's Jeff.
Okay. Nazeer, okay?
Nazeer what?
Please?
This has nothing to do with me! She went up by herself. Yeah I tell them don't go on the roof! They can't go on the roof! How is she?
I don't know. I think she's breathing.
God, I haven't seen you all day.
You could've come over.
Oh! Trim it!
I hate that.
Sorry. Let's go back to the van right now.
No. I'm not going to the van, it's so gross. Come on. I'm doing my performance right now.
Was that supposed to be me?
No.
No, not, not everything. This. I am the man in your life.
Man?
Yeah, man, male, significant other, whatever the fuck I am.
It's a piece.
Your sure as hell right about that.
"The worst I can do is starve to death." Listen to you.
I don't want to hear it anymore.
No, no, no. Y-you know what? Y-your packing your bags, you're jumping into the unknown because some conceptual artist who teaches at a community college is having a mid-life crisis and he wants to sleep with some girl half his age, so he tells you you have talent.
Mister Brooks has had shows in New York, Jeff. He's been reviewed in Art Forum. I think he knows.
Oh, well, then you better listen to him.
What are you trying to communicate? Tell us.
So you can give me more shit?
No, no. It's an honest question. What are you trying to communicate?
Yes, you asshole.
About what?
About things that are important to me.
Like what?
Of course I do!
Name one.
God, KAREN JOHNSON.
One!
Your completely missing the point.
Hey!
No, idealism is guilty, middle class bullshit.
No, sweetie. Cynicism is bullshit.
No, no, no. I'm not being cynical, I'm being honest.
But do you stand for anything?
Yes, I stand for -
What? What do you stand for?
I stand for honesty! I stand for some level of truth!
Oh, yeah, right. Yeah, right. Fuck you.
Can I talk here? Let me talk.
You know, all you know is what's good for you.
Can I talk?
I can't wait till Pony gets here, you know? Have a conversation with a human being?
Well, if you love him so much, why didn't you go see him play?
Um, because you didn't want to go.
Like I'm going to pay twenty bucks to see Neil Moynihan in some band that I helped start.
This is ridiculous!
It was a racial incident.
It was just something that got out of hand. Did anyone get hurt?
It got that close.
Okay, but nothing happened. Believe me, if I thought something really bad was going to happen, I would've done something.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Okay, what would you have done.
I would've stopped it.
How?
I don't know. I would've done something. This is kind of hypothetical, isn't it? This place is so stupid. I can't believe we're sitting here in this mosh-pit of consumerism. With all these people eating their chunks of dead flesh...
Jeff. Jeff.
... like fucking robots. Look at those kids there.
Jeff. You know, I was talking to Mister Brooks yesterday. He has this friend in New York who wants to sublet his apartment for six-fifty a month. I could swing that. Six-fifty.
What?
Did it ever occur to you that I might have some feelings about you moving to New York?
What feelings?
Us.
Of course.
And?
Come with me.
No, no, see, that's not what I'm saying. I could go to New York if I wanted to, but what's the point? So I can learn how to order a cappuccino? So I can get mugged by some crackhead? So I can see, see homeless people up close and personal?
So what do you wanna do?
Nothing.
No one does nothing, Jeff.
Okay, well, then, I'm gonna break new ground.
New ground?
Mm-hm.
Taking one community college course on the history of Nicaragua, while barely holding a job packing boxes?
Okay, look. My job is not who I am. I don't need that. Why? What's your goal? Status? Money? Getting your picture on the cover of some glossy magazine?
My goal is to make art.
So, what, why can't you do that here? What's wrong with here? Why is somewhere else better?
Why should I stay here, Jeff? So we can sit on the corner and watch the lights change, while you bitch about Burnfield?
Mm-mm.
So I can spend the rest of my life guessing what it would be like to be a real artist?
No, no.
So you and I can fuck while your parents are out having dinner at the Sizzler? What are we doing, Jeff? You and me?
Yeah, uh, that would depend, but yeah. She should.
Yeah, but that doesn't mean that your tree is not artistic if no one cuts it down.
Jeff likes to argue for the sake of arguing.
No, I don't.
Yes, you do.
No, I don't.
You do.
FUCK! Pony, if we wanted to hear you sing, we would've gone to your concert!
Jeff!
Come on.
No. No, no, no.
Come on. I'm not gonna go if you don't come.
No, I just don't feel like it. That's all.
Oh, hi. I thought you guys got lost.
Gee, Jeff, I thought you were gonna go take a piss, not join some alcoholic nudist colony.
No, no. I just got sick and tired of listening to that demo tape over and over again, you know? I mean, I felt like a fucking groupie, you know.
Mm. I enjoyed the ride. Sorry you didn't.
But wait! Sooze, I don't wanna fight. I'm so sorry.
What?
No, I mean it. No, look, when, when I got out of the car I walked all the way here.
Mm-hm.
And I fig- and I figured something out.
Oh, yeah?
I, yeah.
Wait, Sooze, I, I have to talk to you, 'cause I, there's something I figured out.
God, you smell like whiskey.
No, no, I have to talk to you.
Wait, wait, wait a minute, Sooze. What are you doing?
I'm leaving. Is that alright with you? Do I have your permission? Maybe you want to think about it.
Where are you going?
For a ride.
Wait, away?
Yes, Jeff, away. Away, away, away.
To his hotel?
I've run out of words.
Wait. What, what are you saying?
I don't know. And I don't care that I don't know.
Well, what about us?
What about us? I'm moving away your staying here.
No, maybe not though. That, that's what I'm trying to say.
Maybe not? You think that I'm with somebody else and now it's maybe not?
Oh, no, no, no.
You're unbelievable.
Wait, no, I... Look, Sooze, I figured something out.
You did, huh? Good for you.
Do your covers and all that shit.
'Bye, Jeff.
Go.
What?
You really suck, you know that?
Hey, Pony.
Hey, man. Jeff. How're you doin?
Good, man.
Wow, man. The corner. I mean, nothing's changed.
Well, shit, man, you've only been gone for a year, man, Is that your limo?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the record company, they make me use it, you know. I mean, it's dumb, I know, it's just...
No, it's not...
Hey, the driver knows Billy Idol. Wow, huh?
Yeah, hey I saw your album at Musicland up at the mall.
Oh yeah, yeah, we're starting to get good placement and shit like that, you know.
Yeah.
We sold, uh, over ninety thousand units and uh... and Danny says that we're gonna get a gold record. Yeah.
Wow. A gold record, man, that's great. So you're, you're like living the wild life now, huh?
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
Aw, come on. Rock star. Fame. Fortune. Sex.
Yeah, shit. Naw, man, you know. It's hard work, you know?
Yeah.
The road's hell, you know? I mean airport, hotel, show. And airport, hotel, show. Airport, hotel, show. I mean, fuck, man, you know? You still living at your mom's?
Yeah, I crash there.
The prom. That's funny.
Hey, I though you guys were coming to the show, man?
Oh, uh, yeah, we were, but, uh, Sooze, screwed up the tickets.
Sorry.
So how's college?
You know, I've thought about that, actually.
So you think I should?
What?
Write. 'Cause I, I have written some things.
Like songs?
Yeah, they could be songs.
Yeah. You should show 'em to me.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Now?
Great.
Well, I helped start it, but, you know, uh...
Well, not exactly.
For a while.
So, um, Pony, where are you staying? Are you staying at your mother's house?
So who are you?
What do you mean?
Well, if we're, like, the man invisible, what are you?
I don't know. Uh, I'm an artist, I guess. You know, there's life and then there's the people watching the life, commenting on it.
Yeah, well, that's what I do too.
What?
Comment, say things, think. Whatever. Why are you so special?
Well, I, I didn't say I was special, but it's one thing, you know, and it's another thing to actually communicate it to people. You know what I mean? If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does that make a sound?
W-wait a minute, wait a minute.
No, man. Hey. No, you know what? Hey, it's you, man. It's, you know what, you know what it is? It's this tarpit of stupidity that we're all stuck in. It's this cell. It's this void, you know.
Oh, no, man, look. Look, you know, it's me, okay? I come out here and I'm, so used to everyone, you know, kissing my ass and I think I'm a fucking star, man, and I'm really sorry if I'm full of attitude. I, I really...
No, you know what? It's not you, man. It's not anybody. It's me. Whoo! Hey.
George can drive us. There's plenty of room in the car. Jeff?
No. You know what? You guys go ahead and bring back something here. Yeah.
I gotta take a piss. Do you mind if we pull over really quickly?
Oh, yeah.
I'm sorry. I, I gotta...
Fuck 'em. Fucking assholes.
Hey, where's Erica?
I don't know.
Why should I call the police, huh? They don't so any good.
Well, you gotta call your wife then, you know, 'cause she kind of handles these heavy matters anyway, right?
No. No, you see, I don't have to call my wife.
What about this, huh? Go ahead, big man.
Camel jockey.
You know, why do you call me names? You know, I never hurt you. I'm only working here.
Pakistani. Okay? We're from Pakistan.
Alright, alright, enough with the Boy Scout routine.
Look, get down off my property.
Why? What are you gonna do? Huh? You're gonna shoot me for standing on your fucking trash can?
Get off my property!
Hey, you know what? Go fuck yourself.
Fuck you! You know, I'll call the police.
Look Pakeesa...
Oh, there you are, honey. We were waiting for you. What happened?
Look, get down now, you fucking drunk! You bum!
Get off my roof!
Oh, shit. Jeff. Jeff, come up here!
Ready?
I hope you're happy!
This has nothing to do with me, this, uh, drinking, yeah.
No, this has everything to do with you.
No, no, she went up by herself. This was not my responsibility.
Pony, oh my god!
Hey!
You showed up. Oh, my god! Holy shit! Look at this car, man!
Oh, it's stupid, isn't it.
Is that your driver?
It's stupid.
No, no, it isn't. It's cool.
Look at you!
Oh!
Wow. Hey, you look good. Like you, you know, head's in a good place, you know? You, are still doing your painting?
Sometimes, yeah. You know, I started to do performances.
Oh, yeah?
So? What's L.A. like?
It's pretty exciting.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Like?
Oh, uh... uh, the other night our manager Danny took us to this restaurant and there was Sandra Bernhard.
No, she was just sitting there?!
Oh, yeah, just sitting there eatin' a salad, you know. That kind of thing happens all the time in L.A. It's, you know... I met Johnny Depp.
You did? I love him. Yeah, you know, I'm thinking of moving to New York.
New York, huh?
Yeah. To go to school and, you know, paint, performances, paint.
You have to go. You always did such, uh, you know, great work. I still have some of those drawings that you'd do in study hall.
You do not!
Hey, Pony, this is my friend Bee-Bee.
Yeah, so what do you guys do next? I mean, what's your band do now?
Oh, uh, we're gonna go in the studio and we're, we're doin' a new album.
Yeah?
Yeah, and I was thinking, Sooze, you could do the cover.
You do not want me to do your cover.
I don't want you to do the cover, I, I need you to do the cover.
You're not serious.
I'm always serious.
Oh they'd never let me do what I want.
I get final approval. It's in my contract.
Would I get paid?
Yeah, we'd have to fly you out for meetings, you know.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay, now, you guys all take care, okay? Oh, man, I feel so good. I feel good 'cause I'm hanging out with you guys, man. You know? I mean, I forgot what it was like to just hang out.
Yeah.
Yeah, come on, play it.
Alright, alright already.
"Drove down the highway there was a big jam The family had died There inside their minivan There was a backup It went on for miles But as bad as it was It was gone after a while" Chorus here. "You may think there's nothing to it and the truth is hard to see To be an invisible man is a remarkable thing to
You know, that is my worst fear. Making a sound and no one hears it.
Jesus, Jeff.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Oh, yuck! Oh, gross!
Yeah. Burnfield, Pizza and Puke capital of the world.
I can't believe you're still here.
I'm moving.
If...
No, I'm going.
Soon.
Yep.
What's that supposed to mean?
I don't know. I say what I mean.
Oh, yeah, you're just so smart.
I hate it here. It's so ugly, it's like being dead. You got out of here, you know? I'm ready to go.
Yeah, but sometimes I try to figure out why I left in the first place, you know? I think about people and I wonder what they're doing.
Yeah.
I think about you. I mean, a lot.
Me?
Yeah, I have, I have, yeah.
Yeah, you know, when you called I thought, there's a name from the past.
Or the future, oh, no, no, I mean... I mean, we'll be working on that album cover, right?
Yeah, I know what you're saying.
You do?
Is that Jeff?
You know, my mom has this saying.
Yeah?
"Don't write any checks you can't cash."
Tim, why don't you shut the fuck up?
What the fuck are you talking about?!
Well, uh, there's this benefit for Rwanda we're gonna do. And, uh, you know, my songs, uh, where I get the ideas for them, uh, you know, stuff like that.
"See what's around you listen to their lies"
Ooh, wow, nice. Personal trainer? Very nice.
Tim?
Where's Erica? You seen her?
Erica? She said she was tired. She went back to the hotel.
Oh, How'd she get back?
Well, I called Erica's beeper. There's just no answer.
What are you? Her pimp? She said she might go get a drink first.
Well, I mean, she always answers her beeper.
Pal, she's a big girl, you know? I'm sure she's alright.
Yeah? Well, what'd she say?
About what?
About where she went. I mean, what bar?
She didn't say. Maybe she's at the bar at the hotel.
The bar at the hotel? She told you that? What did she say exactly?
Okay. You know what? Watch your fucking language, alright? Or I might have to.
Whatever.
Oh, come on, Pony. I'm just kidding. Wow, you rock stars are really sensitive, huh? You know, there's a life on the road?
You know, man, it's none of your business what I do, okay?
It's none of my business?
Yeah.
No, see, Neil, if you're fucking with one of my friends, then you're fucking with me.
Don't do that.
What are you going to do? Hm?
If you hit me...
Yeah?
... my manager will slap an assault charge on your ass faster than you can say AA, okay?
Your manager?
Yeah, man, my manager and my lawyer.
Well, just, you know, have 'em call me. Y-you know where to find me, right?
Hey, great game Friday. Kicked Holbrook's ass, huh?
Missed it. Can I get a fifth of Old Crow?
Just one?
I don't, I don't remember. What do I owe you?
Yeah. Yeah. How's the air force, Tim?
It's not the air force anymore, Scuff
So where are you?
Yes, that's right. You know what, honey? You should go to New York. You should go. Go show 'em. They need your unique point of view.
Seriously? It's a great idea.
Ha! Thank you! See? He did it. He left.
Why don't you go back to where you came from?
Hey, Tim.
Make a move. Greasecake. Towel-head.
Hey, Tim, you know what? You win.
Fucking drunk, huh?
Hey, your gonna regret this.
Leave him alone, Tim.
Uh, excuse me, I'd like to know where he gets his ideas.
Tim's jealous, you know? He wants to have ideas too.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm jealous of MTV faggots who are named after animals.
Ew! Oh, Buff! Relax!
Buff is funny, okay? She likes Buff, so why don't you whip shut the feminist hole.
It was the nicest thin I've done in a long time.
Forget about New York, Jeff. I don't want to talk about New York anymore.
Could you give me a ride?
Oh yes! Yeah, man, give her the ride, the ol' Pony ride back to the hotel.
I'm going out later.
No car.
The fuck not?
You know the fuck not.
Fuck.
Wait! Did you say you are pregnant or you were pregnant... You had it, threw it out and you're gonna go back and dance all night!
What?!
I can't believe your grandparents never come down here.
Who are you - the goddamn Bionic Woman?!
I just pulled and it - it came off.
This is great - GREAT! Now we have to enter the front door!
Hey! Rule number one - never take off the mask! Y'hear me! No matter what happens, NEVER TAKE OFF THE MASK!
Sorry, Kansas...
NO-GAH-BUH- NO! Rule number two - NO NAMES! NO GODDAMN NAMES, you retard!
Oh for Chrissakes... "White trash Betty." I didn't realize the rules went into effect before we entered Safeway.
Holy shit.
I'm in, too.
Cleo!
And you know real cops aren't half as smart as Keanu.
Forget it. I've got a scholarship to Harvard hanging over my head. I won't risk it.
Ahh! Baby's got two heads!!!
Can you guys believe this? We're like celebrities!
Another sex dream?
Di, are you okay? We can skip the girl party this week.
...He slices off the guy's ear, and I mean you see everything - the bloody pink hole where the --
Cleo, I've already thrown up twice today - could you please get to any relevant part of the movie?
Di, we're sorry. We...
Is Jack upset that he can't be here?
Use the bathroom, because the Port-a Potties on the field are gross.
My fault - What do we do that enables us to be as great as we are?
Hello?
Di? I just called to say that Conan talked about us again last night.
Thanks, Cleo. See you tomorrow.
Diane? Diane!
Oh my G-d, you've been robbed!
Look, you're fat, Diane. You're fat, fat, fat! Because you eat, eat, eat! What?! She keeps asking because she wants some honesty.
No I don't... I keep asking because I feel fat.
Oh G-d, I'm sorry... You're not really fat! I was just saying that because, uh, I thought that's what you wanted me to say.
You sure?
Positive.
Oh my G-d, I read about this! It's called a "pregnancy insanity." Quick, she needs a sitz bath --
C'mon, Luce, people do it in the movies all the time.
And they get caught!
No.
If you don't - can you still afford to go to Harvard?
... I don't know. Probably not.
So then this isn't crazy. It's a sure bet.
But, we have to make a smart plan!
Okay, even with all our savings, it's still only six hundred fifty-four.
-- We practice! Sorry, Cleo.
Di, it's Luce. Kansas just called and said she's going to "fuck me up!" Then I heard coughing, a thud and Kansas had to go. I think her Grandma had another heart attack. Anyway, why does she want to "fuck me up?"
She thinks you went to the police.
WHAT?! That's insane!!! Why would I go to the police?
Hi, Jack.
... so when your dad said, "I never want to see your "f-'in' faces again!" do you think he meant forever or just until your mom wakes up?
I don't know... And what the hell was that sound she made right before she hit the coffee table.
Well, if I had to guess... I'd say that was the sound of a mother saying good-bye to her little boy and hello to a young man who's going to be a daddy of his own... Jack, do you know what I see here?
Spit from your dad?
I see a flower. And y'know, even the most beautiful flowers still grow from dirt.
Yeah.
So, while we're knee deep in right now - and things seem pretty "stinky" - in the long run, we're going to grow strong from this.
Y'think?
I sure do.
Diane, I've loved you ever since I first saw you -- right before you kicked me in the head.
Jack, sweetie, I'm only eating for two.
Like Cocoa Puffs. Good. Captain Crunch. Bad. Shreds the roof of your mouth. I mean you hear, "Tricks are for kids!" And you think, "I'm a kid, I guess they're for me." But your baby brain's got no idea that Fruit Loops are, like, a million times better. I'm going to save our kid all that pain.
Jack...
If you could be Count Chocula, Frankenberry or Trix the Rabbit, who'd you be?
Trix...
Jack, I think I should get a job.
But we agreed your job is running the baby machine...
I know, but that was before.
I never knew you dreamed of working in a grocery store bank branch. Baby, we are living the great American Dream!
If you reach for the stars, you're bound to get -- mm-Jack, pull over.
Uh, Jack - look, I can explain...
...so although their dad said, "Don't get out of the car until I get back with help," they knew the sheriff's voice as he yelled. "Run to my voice - and don't look back." The twins did as he said, but at the last second they turned around and saw the escaped mental patient, bouncing their father's head on the top of the car!
That was gas, Sweetie.
Oh... What are you working on?
I'm sorry.
What?! But all our paperwork's there. My school records, Jack's football records...
Let me explain something...
No. Wait! Did I say Promise! Cross-my heart and hope-to-die, stick-a-needle-in my-eye we'll never miss a payment?!
...do not accept charity. We are two young, able-bodied Americans. We do not want a handout. We want a hand-up. Give us food and we will be hungry tomorrow. Give us corn - the kind you plant, not eat - and we'll grow our own food and... and, uh, then cut it, and - uh, y'know eat it! Now, if you're interested in giving
Anyway, last time I checked, you still had to have sex to have an orgasm. And I know she ain't seen the lord on all fours - so I'm just saying.
Nope. Sounds more like the first.
Madonna.
Hat-trick?
"No" you're not sure or "No" I'm not fat?
Uh, "no"... You're not fat.
Listen, Kansas, I know you dream of springing your mom some day...
Stop, you're gonna make me cry.
Shut up.
Kansas!
It's all my fault. I'm sorry I ever started this...
Oh, thank G-d! I'm not just super fat!
NO! Wait...um... We're the A-squad from Lincoln High? So, uh...
Hey. Eyes on your own belly!
Oh no...
It was Lucy! Lucy went to the cops!
Remember, Kansas, every time you point a finger you've got three more pointing back at you.
She's been the weak tit on this mama cat since the beginning.
That you?
Yeah, hold on.
Just call me later. I gotta get some smokes for Grandma.
Don't use big bills!
Yeah?
Oh thank Buddha it's you, Kim-Lo, I'm being held against my will, my civil rights have been violated and it took four days to make this one phone call...
Hello?
Kim-Lo?
No. This is Diane. I think you have the wrong number.
Ooops, that's me -- gotta run!
Yeah?
Well, we'll each probably want one - so let's make it five. Five should do it.
Okay. How much ammo you reckon you'll need?
Ammo?
Bullets.
Bullets? No bullets! Oh my gosh, these are just to scare people. Kinda like round-off, back handspring, whip back, double full. You never really use it - you just want the opposing squad to know you've got it.
Hey, hey, hey. C'mon you guys. Obviously that's a little more than our budget will allow. Basically, we're looking for something around two-hundred dollars.
My daughter's always dreamed of bein' a cheerleader. Put her on your squad and I'll give you the guns.
You're kidding.
... Ja-ck B-ar-t-le-tt... Is Jack Bartlett interested in me?
I-I didn't mean to say "whore," Diane. I just hear it so much at church - it kinda came flying out of my head.
You want us to help you pick up?
And Hannah, you could give your share to your church - or maybe buy one of those hungry little kids Sally Struthers advertises.
Or, I could get my own horse...
Look, maybe I can watch a PG movie... I'll just say I'm counting dirty words for Sunday School.
Hello?
We're dead! They showed this prison movie to my youth group on Sunday.
Hannah, we've...
It wasn't like the prison we saw - all these women had to shave their heads because they got lice from the filthy lives they'd lived! Oh G-d, I'm gonna be someone's bald bitch!
...my Sunday School teacher says that in prison, women shove broom sticks up your...
Screw Lucy!
Is that you down there?
Shit! Yeah, Grandma. Me and the squad.
Are you girls talking about boys? Practicing kissing your hands?
Oh well, then I'll put some cookies at the top of the stairs for you gals.
You got that big retarded girl down there?
Uh...Yeah, Grandma. She doesn't mean that. Kinda lost the old filter with her last stroke.
Then I'll throw a few more treats on the plate. Where's my smokes?
I'll get them before "Touched by an Angel," don't worry.
Really...
Yeah. "Itchy" sent us.
She did, did she? How is the old girl?
Definitely old.
Oh please, we've all got bright futures ahead of us - we're not going to tell anyone. Promise!
Hannah, in order to get real answers from the netherworld, you've gotta have a Christian virgin run the board. Your kind is pure of heart - the devil won't dick with you.
Yeah. This summer at church camp? I'm pretty sure I had, y'know, an orgasm.
Oh my G-d! I'm not first!
...so, while it's a laugh riot for the whole family, and Tim Conway is just about as funny as they come, especially when he goes...
Wait a minute. You watched the Apple fucking-Dumpling Gang?!
I'm only allowed "G" movies.
You sure you wanna go there?
Uh...maybe?
Don't make me Jerry Lewis you guys for the rest.
All of you!
Bank branch!
Grandma and Grandpa sent you pictures of a neighbor girl. They didn't want you to break out and come kidnap me.
You shouldn't smoke so many of those.
I know, but it keeps down the size of my can.
They could kill you.
So could half the women in here. And I'd rather go out with a nice can... So watcha here for? To say how much you hate me or how much your grandparents hate me...
I don't hate you. I need your help.
My what?
Your help.
Now how the hell can I help you?
Okay, you can't tell anybody.
Gee, I'll sit out this afternoon's coffee talk. Whaddya want?
My best friend got pregnant.
I know - that's what I said too. Anyway, we want to help her get some money for the baby by robbing a bank.
Well, shit-fire, Kansas, that's the sweetest goddamn thing ever...
I know, but we can't quite figure out how to, y'know, do it.
Kansas, I want you to meet someone special.
Oh, Jesus Christ, Mom! Like my life ain't a great big pile-of-shit 'cause you're in here? Now I have to add, "P.S. My mom's a dyke" too?
What?! Hush up, you mouthy little shit!
Hey, don't "mouthy shit" me - I'm outta here.
Diane, it says here you're going to have mood swings, uncontrollable gas.
More proof God's a guy...
...and sex dreams where you actually have an orgasm!
I mean it. I'm in. This is the closest thing to a goddamn family that I've ever had. If one of us needs something, we all do.
What the hell do you want?
I hate to think where that puts me. I could be her father.
It must be about that appalling script of hers. What can I say to her? What can I say?
I can tell her you're all tied up in the projection room. I can give her the brush ...
Listen, thirty million fans have given her the brush. Isn't that enough?
I didn't mean to --
Of course you didn't. You didn't know Norma Desmond as a plucky little girl of seventeen, with more courage and wit and heart than ever came together in one youngster.
I hear she was a terror to work with.
We're ready with the shot, Mr. deMille.
You'll pardon me, Norma? Why don't you just sit and watch? O.K. Here we go.
Roll 'em.
Well, what do you know ! Joe Gillis !
Hi, Artie.
Where have you been keeping that gorgeous face of yours?
In a deep freeze.
Give me your coat.
Let it ride for a while.
You're going to stay, aren't you?
That was the general idea.
Judas E. Priest, who did you borrow that from? Adolphe Menjou?
Say, you're not really smuggling opium these days, are you?
Good party.
The greatest. They call me the Elsa Maxwell of the assistant directors. Hey, easy on the punch bowl. Budget only calls for three drinks per extra. Fake the rest.
Sure, this'll go on all night.
I mean, could you put me up for a couple of weeks?
It just so happens we have a vacancy on the couch.
I'll take it.
Wait a minute. This is the woman I love. What's going on? Who was loaded?
Walking out on the mob. What's the big idea?
I'm sorry about New Year's. Would you believe me if I said I had to be with a sick friend?
The accent! I've got it: this guy is in the pay of a foreign government. Get those studs. Get those cuff-links.
Hello, Mr. Sheldrake. On that Bases Loaded. I covered it with a 2-page synopsis. But I wouldn't bother.
What's wrong with it?
It's from hunger.
Nothing for Ladd?
Just a rehash of something that wasn't very good to begin with.
This is Miss Kramer.
Name dropper.
Carefull Those are dirty words! You sound like a bunch of New York critics. Thank you, Miss Schaefer.
If I could be of any help...
I'm sorry, Mr. Gillis, but I just don't think it's any good. I found it flat and banal.
Perhaps the reason I hated Bases Loaded is that I knew your name. I'd always heard you had some talent.
That was last year. This year I'm trying to earn a living.
Let me help you. Betty Schaeter, Sheldrake's office.
Hurt feelings department.
You forgot this.
Thanks.
I've been hoping to run into you.
What for? To recover that knife you stuck in my back?
I felt a little guilty, so I got out some of your old stories.
Why, you sweet kid.
There's one called....Window... something with a window.
Dark Windows. How did you like it?
I didn't.
Thank you.
Is there someplace we can talk?
Now if I got you correctly, there was a short stretch of my fiction you found worthy of notice.
The flashback in the courtroom, when she tells about being a school teacher.
I had a teacher like that once.
Maybe that's why it's good. It's true, it's moving. Now why don't you use that character...
Who wants true? Who wants moving?
Drop that attitude. Here's some- thing really worth while.
Want me to start right now? Maybe there's some paper around.
I'm serious. I've got a few ideas.
I've got some ideas myself. One of them being this is New Year's Eve. How about living it up a little?
As for instance?
Well....
We could make some paper boats and have a regatta. Or should we just turn on the shower?
How about capturing the kitchen and barricading the door?
Are you hungry?
Hungry? After twelve years in the Burmese jungle. I am starving, Lady Agatha -- starving for a white shoulder --
No, Phillip, no. We must be strong. You're still wearing the uniform of the Coldstream Guards! Furthermore, you can have the phone now.
O.K. I find I'm terribly afraid of losing you.
You won't. I'll get us a refill of this awful stuff.
You'll be waiting for me?
With a wildly beating heart.
Hello, Artie. Good evening, Miss Schaefer.
Stop it, Artie, will you? Where have you been keeping your- self? I've got the most wonderful news for you.
I haven't been keeping myself at all. Not lately.
I called your agent. I called the Screen Writers Guild. Finally your old apartment gave me some Crestview number. There was always somebody with an accent growling at me. You were not there. You were not to be spoken to. They never heard of you.
Is that so? What's the wonderful news?
Sheldrake likes that angle about the teacher.
What teacher?
Dark Windows. I got him all hopped up about it.
You did?
He thinks it could be made into something.
Into what? A lampshade?
O.K. Where's the cash?
Where's the story? I bluffed it out with a few notions of my own. It's really just a springboard. It needs work.
I was afraid of that.
Sorry, Miss Schaefer, but I've given up writing on spec.
I tell you this is half sold.
It's not your career -- it's mine. I kind of hoped to get in on this deal. I don't want to be a reader all my life. I want to write.
Sorry if I crossed you up.
You sure have.
Just so you don't think I'm a complete swine -- if there's anything in Dark Windows you can use, take it. It's all yours.
I mean it. It's no good to me anyway. Help yourself.
Why should you do that?
If you get a hundred thousand for it, you buy me a box of chocolate creams. If you get an Oscar, I get the left foot.
You know, I'd take you up on that in a minute. I'm just not good enough to do it all by myself.
What about all those ideas you had?
See if they make sense. To begin with, I think you should throw out all that psychological stuff -- exploring a killer's sick mind.
Psychopaths sell like hotcakes.
This story is about teachers -- their threadbare lives, their struggles. Here are people doing the most important job in the world, and they have to wprry about getting enough money to re-sole their shoes. To me it can be as exciting as any chase, any gunplay.
Check.
Look, if you don't mind, I haven't got time to listen to the whole plot ...
I'll make it short.
Sorry. It's your baby now.
I'm not good enough to write it alone. We'll have to do it together.
I'm all tied up. I can't.
Couldn't we work in the evenings? Six o'clock in the morning? This next month I'm completely at your disposal. Artie is out of town.
What has Artie to do with it.
We're engaged.
Good for you. You've got yourself the best guy in town.
I think so. They're on location in Arizona, shooting a Western. I'm free every evening, every week- end. If you want, we could work at your place.
It's just impossible.
Look, Betty, It can't be done. It's out.
You're tough, all right.
You're on your own. Stop being chicken-hearted and write that story.
Honest to goodness, I hate you.
And don't make it too dreary. How about this for a situation: she teaches daytimes. He teaches at night. Right? They don't even know each other, but they share the same room. It's cheaper that way. As a matter of fact, they sleep in the same bed -- in shifts, of oourse.
Are you kidding? Because I think it's good.
So do I.
Oh, you --
Good.
What's good about it? I miss him something fierce.
I mean this is good dialogue along in here. It'll play.
It will?
Sure. Especially with lots of music underneath, drowning it out.
Don't you sometimes hate yourself?
Who's Norma?
Who's who?
I'm sorry. I don't usually read private cigarette cases.
Oh, that. It's from a friend of mine. A middle-aged lady, very foolish and very generous.
I'll say. This is solid gold.
I gave her some advice on an idiotic script.
It's that old familiar story, you help a timid little soul across a crowded street. She turns out to be a multimillionaire and leaves you all her money.
Look at this street. All card- board, all hollow, all phoney. All done with mirrors. I like it better than any street in the world. Maybe because I used to play here when I was a kid.
What were you -- a child actress?
I was born just two blocks from this studio. Right on Lemon Grove Avenue. Father was head elec- trician here till he died. Mother still works in Wardrobe.
Second generation, huh?
Third. Grandma did stunt work for Pearl White. I come from a picture family. Naturally they took it for granted I was to become a great star. So I had ten years of dramatic lessons, diction, dancing. Then the studio made a test. Well, they didn't like my nose -- it slanted this way a little. I went to a doctor and had it
Nice job.
Should be. It cost three hundred dollars.
Saddest thing I ever heard.
Not at all. It taught me a little sense. I got me a job in the mail room, worked up to the Stenographic. Now I'm a reader...
Come clean, Betty. At night you weep for those lost closeups, those gala openings...
Not once. What's wrong with being on the other side of the cameras? It's really more fun.
Three cheers for Betty Schaefer! I will now kiss that nose of yours.
May I say you smell real special.
It must be my new shampoo.
That's no shampoo. It'smore like a pile of freehly laundred hand- kerchiefs, like a brand new auto- mobile. How old are you anyway?
Twenty-two.
Hey, what's the matter... Betty, wake up! Why are you staring at me like that?
Was I? I'm sorry.
What's wrong with you tonight? What is it, Betty?
Something came up. I don't want to talk about it.
Why not?
I just don't.
Betty, there's no use running out on it. Let's face it, what- ever it is.
It's nothing. I got a telegram from Artie.
From Artie. What's wrong?
He wants me to come on to Arizona. He says it only oosts two dollars to get married there. It would kind of save us a honeymoon.
Stop crying. You're getting married. That's what you've always wanted.
I don't want it now.
Why not? Don't you love Artie?
Of course I love him. I always will. I'm just not in love with him any more.
What happened?
Hello, Betty.
I don't know why I'm so scared, Joe. Is it something awful?
Ever been in one of these old Hollywood palazzos? That's from when they were making eighteen thou- sand a week, and no taxes. Careful of these tiles, they're slippery. Valentino used to dance here.
This is where you live?
You bet.
Hers.
Whose?
Just look around. There's a lot of her spread about. If you don't remember the face, you must have heard the name of Norma Desmond.
That was Norma Desmond on the phone?
Want something to drink? There's always champagne on ice, and plenty of caviar.
Why did she call me?
Her own movie theatre.
I didn't come here to see a house. What about Norma Desmond?
I'm trying to tell you. This is an enormous place. Eight master bedrooms. A sunken tub in every bathroom. There's a bowling alley in the cellar. It's lonely here, so she got herself a companion. A very simple set-up: An older woman who is well-to-do. A younger man who is not doing too well ... Can you figure it out yourself?
No.
All right. I'll give you a few more clues.
No, no! I haven't heard any of this. I never got those telephone calls. I've never been in this house ... Get your things together. Let's get out of here.
All my things? All the eighteen suits, all the custom-made shoes and the eighteen dozen shirts, and the cuff-links and the platinum key- chains, and the cigarette cases?
Come on, Joe.
Come on where? Back to a one-room apartment that I can't pay for? Back to a story that may sell and very possibly will not?
If you love me, Joe.
Look, sweetie -- be practical. l've got a good thing here. A long-term contract with no options. I like it that way. Maybe it's not very admirable. Well, you and Artie can be admirable.
Joe, I can't look at you any more.
Hello, young fellow.
Last time I saw you was someplace very gay. I remember waving to you. I was dancing on a table.
Norma, I want to apologize for not calling you.
You'd better. I'm very angry.
I'm pretty busy, as you can see...
That's no excuse. You read the script, didn't you?
Yes, I did.
Then you could have picked up the phone yourself instead of leaving it to one of your assistants.
What assistant?
Don't play innocent. Somebody named Gordon Cole.
Gordon Cole?
And if you hadn't been pretty darned interested in that script, he wouldn't have tried to get me on the phone ten times.
Did you see them? Did you see how they came?
Goodbye, young fellow. We'll see what we can do.
What's the matter, Norma?
Nothing. I just didn't realize what it would be like to come back to the old studio. I had no idea how I'd missed it.
We've missed you too, dear.
We'll be working again, won't we, Chief? We'll make our greatest picture.
That's what I want to talk to you about.
It's a good script, isn't it?
It's got a lot of good things. Of course, it would be an expensive picture...
I don't care about the money. I just want to work again. You don't know what it means to know that you want me.
Nothing would thrill me more -- if it were possible.
I wouldn't know.
How much will it be? I warn you - don't give me a fancy price just because I'm rich.
I had some trouble with my car. Flat tire. I pulled into your garage till I could get a spare. I thought this was an empty house.
It is not. Get out.
I'm sorry, and I'm sorry you lost your friend, and I don't think red is the right color.
Get out.
Or shall I call my servant?
I know your face. You're Norma Desmond. You used to be in pictures. You used to be big.
I am big. It's the pictures that got small.
I knew there was something wrong with them.
They're dead. They're finished. There was a time when this busi- ness had the eyes of the whole wide world. But that wasn't good enough. Oh, nol They wanted the ears of the world, too. So they opened their big mouths, and out came talk, talk, talk...
That's where the popcorn business comes in. You buy yourself a bag and plug up your ears.
Look at them in the front offices -- the master minds! They took the idols and smashed them. The Fairbankses and the Chaplins and the Gilberts and the Valentinos. And who have they got now? Some nobodies -- a lot of pale little frogs croaking pish-poshl
Don't get sore at me. I'm not an executive. I'm just a writer.
Ssh! You'll wake up that monkey.
Just a minute, you!
Yeah?
You're a writer, you said.
Are you or aren't you?
I think that's what it says on my driver's license.
And you have written pictures, haven't you?
The wind gets in that blasted pipe organ. I ought to have it taken out.
How long is a movie script these days? I mean, how many pages?
Depends on what it is -- a Donald Duck or Joan or Arc.
This is to be a very important picture. I have written it myself. Took me years.
Looks like enough for six impor- tant pictures.
It's the story or Salome. I think I'll have DeMille direct it.
We've made a lot of pictures together.
And you'll play Salome?
Who else ?
Only asking. I did't know you were planning a comeback.
I hate that word. It is a return. A return to the millions of people who have never forgiven me for deserting the screen.
Fair enough.
Salome -- what a woman! What a part! The Princess in love with a Holy man. She dances the Dance of the Seven Veils. He rejects her, so she demands his head on a golden tray, kissing his cold, dead lips.
They'll love it in Pomona.
They will love it every place. Read it. Read the scene just before she has him killed!
Right now? Never let another writer read your stuff. He may steal it.
Well?
This is fascinating.
Of course it is.
Maybe it's a little long and maybe there are some repetitions... but you're not a professional writer.
I wrote that with my heart.
Sure you did. That's what makes it great. What it needs is a little more dialogue.
What for? I can say anything I want with my eyes.
It certainly could use a pair of shears and a blue pencil.
I will not have it butchered.
Of course not. But it ought to be organized. Just an editing job. You can find somebody.
Who? I'd have to have somebody I can trust. When were you born -- I mean, what sign of the zodiac?
I don't know.
What month?
December twenty-first.
Sagittarius. I like Sagittarians. You can trust them.
Thank you.
I want you to do this work.
Me? I'm busy. Just finished one script. I'm due on another assignment.
You know, I'm pretty expensive. I get five hundred a week.
I wouldn't worry about money. I'll make it worth your while.
Maybe I'd better take the rest of the script home and read it -
Oh no. I couldn't let it out of my house. You'll have to finish it here.
It's getting kind of late --
Are you married, Mr. -- ?
The name is Gillis. I'm single.
Where do you live?
Hollywood. The Alto Nido Apart- ments.
There's something wrong with your car, you said.
There sure is.
You can stay here.
I don't know why you should be so upset. Stop that playing, Max. It seemed like a good idea -- if we are to work together.
Look, I'm supposed to fix up your script. There's nothing in the deal about my staying here.
You'll like it here.
Thanks for the invitation, but I have my own apartment.
You can't work in an apartment where you owe three months' rent.
I'll take care of that.
It's all taken care of. It's all paid for.
I'm used to paying my own bills.
You proud boy, why didn't you tell me you were having difficulties.
Okay. We'll deduct it from my salary.
Now, now, don't let's be small about such matters. We won't keep books. Go on, unpack Mr. Gillis' things.
Unpack nothing. I didn't say I was staying.
What's that?
Just a scene I cut out.
What scene?
The one where you go to the slave market. You can cut right to the scene where John the Baptist -
Cut away from me?
Honestly, it's a little old hat. They don't want that any more.
They don't? Then why do they still write me fan letters every day. Why do they beg me for my photo- graphs? Because they want to see me, me, me! Norma Desmond.
I want to talk to you for a minute.
Not now, my dear. I'm playing three no trump.
They've come for my car.
Please. Now I've forgotten how many spades are out.
I need some money right now.
Now what is it? Where's the fire?
I've lost my car.
Oh...and I thought it was a matter of life and death.
It is to me. That's why I came to this house. That's why I took this job -- ghost writing!
That's a dreadful shirt you're wearing.
What's wrong with It?
Nothing, if you work in a fill- ing station. And I'm getting rather bored with that sport jacket, and those same baggy pants. Max, what's a good men's shop in town? The very best... Well, go there !
I don't need any clothes, and I certainly don't want you buy- ing them for --
How about some evening clothes?
I don't need a tuxedo.
Of course you do. A tuxedo and tails.
Tails. That's ridiculous.
Joe, you look absolutely divine. Turn around!

All padding. Don't let it fool you.
You know, to me dressing up was always just putting on my dark blue suit.
I don't like those studs they've sent. I want you to have pearls. Nice big pearls.
Now, I'm not going to wear ear- rings, I can tell you that.
Shouldn't we wait for the others?
Not on the same floor with Valentino!
Don't bend back like that.
It's a quarter past ten. What time are they supposed to get here?
Who?
The other guests?
There are no other guests. We don't want to share this night with other people. This is for you and me.
Hold me tighter.
Come midnight, how about blind- folding the orchestra and smash- ing champagne glasses on Max's head?
You think this is all very funny.
A little.
Is it funny that I'm in love with you?
What's that?
What are the notes?
"Mad about the boy."
Norma, I can't take it. You've bought me enough.
Shut up. I'm rich. I'm richer than all this new Hollywood trash. I've got a million dollars.
Keep it.
I own three blocks downtown. I have oil in Bakersfield -- pumping, pumping, pumping. What's it for but to buy us anything we want.
What's the matter with you?
What right do you have to take me for granted?
What right? Do you want me to tell you?
Has it ever occurred that I may have a life of my own? That there may be some girl I'm crazy about?
Who? Some car hop, or a dress extra?
Why not? What I'm trying to say is that I'm all wrong for you. You want a Valentino -- somebody with polo ponies -- a big shot --
Go away.
What kind of a silly thing was that to do?
To fall in love with you -- that was the idiotic thing.
It sure would have made attractive headlines: Great Star Kills Her- self for Unknown Writer.
Go away. Go to that girl of yours.
Look, I was making that up because I thought the whole thing was a mistake. I didn't want to hurt you. You've been good to me. You're the only person in this stinking town that has been good to me.
Why don't you just say thank you and go, go, go --
Not until you promise to act like a sensible human being.
You're really going to send it to De Mille?
Did she read the script?
I hope you realize, Norma, that scripts don't sell on astrologers' charts.
I'm not just selling the script. I'm selling me. DeMille always said I was his greatest star.
When did he say it, Norma?
Have one of mine.
They're awful. They make me cough.
Pull up at the drugstore, will you, Max. I'll get you some.
What on earth, darling? It took you hours.
I ran into some people I knew.
Where are my cigarettes?
I can still see myself in the line: Bebe Daniels, Marie Prevost, Mabel Normand ... Mabel was always stepping on my feet ...What's the matter with you, darling? Why are you so glum?
Nothing is the matter. I'm having a great time. Show me some more.
How do you like that? We've made twelve pictures together. His greatest successes.
Maybe deMille is shooting.
Don't you want to come along, darling?
I don't think so. It's your script. It's your show. Good luck.
How did it go?
He must be quite a guy.
Don't turn around. Keep your eyes on the book.
I just came to say good night. I don't want you to see me -- I'm not very attractive.
Good night.
I've lost half a pound since Tuesday.
Good.
I was a little worried about the line of my throat. This woman has done wonders with it.
Good.
You'd better get to bed yourself.
I think I'll read a little.
You went out last night, didn't you, Joe?
Why do you say that?
I just happen to know it. I had a nightmare and I screamed for you. You weren't here. Where were you?
I went for a walk.
No you didn't. You took the car.
All right, I drove to the beach. Norma, you don't want me to feel I'm locked up in this house?
Of course not, Joe. It's just that I don't want to be left alone. Not now, while I'm under this terrible strain. My nerves are being torn apart. All I ask is for you to be a little patient and a little kind.
I haven't done anything, Norma.
What are you doing, Joe? What are you doing? You're not leaving me?
Yes, I am, Norma.
No, you're not. Max! Max!
The rest of the jewelry is in the top drawer.
It's yours, Joe. I gave it to you.
And I'd take it in a second, Norma -- only it's a little too dressy for sitting behind the copy desk in Dayton, Ohio.
These are nothing. You can have anything you want if you'll only stay. What is it you want -- money?
Norma, you'd be throwing it away. I don't qualify for the job, not any more.
You can't do this! Max! Max! ... I can't face life without you, and I'm not afraid to die, you know.
That's between you and yourself, Norma.
See, you didn't believe me!.. Now I suppose you don't think I have the courage!
Oh. sure -- if it would make a good scene.
You don't care. do you? But hundreds of thousands of people will carel
That's a lie! They still want me!
No, they don't.
What about the studio? What about De Mille?
He was trying to spare your feelings. The studio wanted to rent your car.
Wanted what?
De Mille didn't have the heart to tell you. None of us has had the heart.
That's a lie! They want me, they want me! I get letters every day!
You tell her, Max. Come on, do her that favor. Tell her there isn't going to be any picture -- there aren't any fan letters, except the ones you write yourself.
You heard him. I'm a star!
Norma, grow up. You're a woman of fifty. There's nothing tragic about being fifty - not unless you try to be twenty-five.
I'm the greatest star of them all.
Goodbye. Norma.
I just put my car in the garage. I had a blow-out. I thought --
Look, maybe I'd better take my car --
You are not dressed properly.
Suppose you listen just for a minute -
Madame is waiting.
I made your bed this afternoon.
This room has not been used for a long time.
There is the bathroom. I put in soap and a toothbrush.
Thanks. Say, she's quite a character, that Norma Desmond.
She was the greatest. You wouldn't know. You are too young. In one week she got seventeen thousand fan letters. Men would bribe her mani- curist to get clippings from her fingernails. There was a Maharajah who came all the way from Hyderabad to get one of her stockings. Later, he strangled himself with it.
I sure turned into an interesting driveway.
I'm talking to you. My clothes and things are up in the room.
Naturally. I brought them myself.
Is that so!
Why are you so upset? Is there anything missing?
Some men are here. They asked for you.
I'm not here.
That's what I told them.
Good.
Whose room was this?
Hey, what's this with the door? There isn't any lock.
How come?
The doctor suggested it.
What doctor?
Madame's doctor. She has moments of melancholy. There have been some suicide attempts.
Uh-huh?
We have to be very careful. No sleeping pills, no razor blades. We shut off the gas in her bed- room.
Why? Her career? She got enough out of it. She's not forgotten. She still gets those fan letters.
I wouldn't look too closely at the postmarks.
You send them. Is that it, Max?
I'd better press your evening clothes, sir. You have not for- gotten Madame's New Year's party.
No, I haven't. I suppose all the waxworks are coming?
How is she?
Mr. Gillis, if you please.
You see those offices there, Mr. Gillis? They used to be her dressing room, The whole row.
That didn't leave much for Wallace Reid.
What's the matter, Max?
I just found out why all those tele- phone calls. It is not Miss Desmond they want. It is the car they want to rent.
What is it, Max? Want to wash the car, or are you doing a little spying in your off hours?
You must be very careful as you cross the patio. Madame may be watching.
How about my going up the kitchen stairs and undressing in the dark. Will that do it?
I'm not inquiring where Mr. Gillis goes every night...
Why don't you? I'm writing a script and I'm dying to finish it, no matter what.
It's just that I'm very worried about Madame.
Sure you are. And we're not help- ing her any, feeding her lies and more lies. Getting herself ready for a pioture ... What happens when she finds out?
She never will. That is my job. It has been for a long time. You must understand I discovered her when she was eighteen. I made her a star. I cannot let her be destroyed.
You made her a star?
I directed all her early pictures. There were three young directors who showed promise in those days: D.W. Grirrith, C.B. deMille, and Max von Mayerling.
And she's turned you into a servant.
Joseph C. Gillis?
We've come for the car.
Relax, fans. The car isn't here.
Is that So?
I lent it to a friend of mine. He took it up to Palm Springs.
Had to get away for his health, I suppose.
You don't believe me? Look in the garage.
Sure we believe you, only now we want you to believe us. That car better be back here by noon tomorrow, or there's going to be fireworks.
All right, Gillis. You've got five minutes. What's your story about?
It's about a ball player, a rookie shortstop that's batting 347. The poor kid was once mixed up in a hold- up. But he's trying to go straight -- except there's a bunch of gamblers who won't let him.
So they tell the kid to throw the World Series, or else, huh?
Got a title?
Bases Loaded. There's a 4O-page outline.
Oh, you're one of the message kids. Just a story won't do. You'd have turned down Gone With the Wind.
Well, seems like Zanuck's got himself a baseball picture.
Mr. Sheldrake, I don't want you to think I thought this was going to win any Academy Award.
Of course, we're always looking for a Betty Hutton. Do you see it as a Betty Hutton?
Frankly, no.
Now wait a minute. If we made it a girls' softball team, put in a few numbers. Might make a cute musical: It Happened in the Bull Pen -- the story of a Woman.
You trying to be funny? -- because I'm all out of laughs. I'm over a barrel and I need a job.
Sure, Gillis. If something should come along -
Along is no good. I need it now.
Haven't got a thing.
Any kind of assignment. Additional Dialogue.
There's nothing, Gillis. Not even if you were a relative.
Look, Mr. Sheldrake, could you let me have three hundred bucks yourself, as a personal loan?
Could I? Gillis, last year some- body talked me into buying a ranch in the valley. So I borrowed money from the bank so I could pay for the ranch. This year I had to mortgage the ranch so I could keep up my life insurance so I could borrow on the insurance so I could pay my income tax. Now if Dewey had
So you need three hundred dollars? Of course, I could give you three hundred dollars. Only I'm not going to.
No?
How's that about your being my friend?
Don't you know the finest things in the world have been written on an empty stomach? Once a talent like yours gets into that Mocambo- Romanoff rut, you're through.
Forget Romanoff's. It's the car I'm talking about. If I lose my car it's like having my legs out off.
Greatest thing that could happen to you. Now you'll have to sit behind that typewriter. Now you'll have to write.
What do you think I've been doing? I need three hundred dollars.
You do not deny having killed this man, Miss Desmond?
Did you intend to kill him? Just answer me that.
Was it a sudden quarrel? Had there been any trouble between you before?
If it was a quarrel, how come you had the gun right there?
This guy -- where did you meet him for the first time? Where did he come from? Who is he?
Did he have a wife? Did he had a girl friend? Did you know them?
Did the deceased ever threaten you? Were you in fear of bodily injury?
Did you hate him? Had you ever thought of doing something like this before?
Well, it's one way to get her down stairs.
Bring something to drink.
Wait a minute. I want you to get out the car. You're going to take the script over to Paramount and deliver it to Mr. De Mille in person.
Madame is wanted on the telephone.
You know better than to interrupt me.
Paramount is calling.
Who?
Paramount studios.
Now, now do you belive me? I told you deMille would jump at it.
It is not Mr. deMille in person. It is someone by the name or Gordon Cole. He says it's very important.
Certainly it's important. It's important enough for Mr. deMille to call me personally. The idea of having an assistant call me!
I myself was surprised at Mr. de Mille's manners.
Say that I'm busy, and hang up.
If you will pardon me, Madame. The shadow over the left eye is not quite balanced.
Cameras? ...What is it, Max?
The cameras have arrived, Madame.
What is the scene? Where am I?
This is the staircase of the palace.
Oh, yes, yes. They're below, waiting for the Princess ... I'm ready.
You and your husband have been kind to me, Alura. I have something to tell you: I'm going away. Soon.
I've discovered a new way into the Phantom Zone.
But the phantom Zone is for criminals.
I'm an artist, Alura. My work comes first. Other people come second.
But the Power Source, Zaltar.
It couldn't be helped. The city will have to make do with three.
But what will happen?
I said stop, I didn't say run into a brick wall.
What is it?
What does it mean?
Oh, fiddlesticks. What could be dangerous about a baseball game?
It must be the girls. One of the girls.
But which one?
We'll bide our time and keep watch. Young girls just can't keep a secret. If one of them's up to something--we'll find out.
Bianca, try not to be so bloodthirsty when you're at the wheel. OK?
Is he your entertainment for tonight?
He will be. In about five minutes.
I came as quickly as I could. What is the danger?
A Storm Dragon?
Why did she have to show up now?
Eliminate her.
That's easy for you to say, Bianca.
You can do it. You're the most powerful woman on Earth.
Yes! You own the Coffer of Shadow. Nothing can withstand its power.
I've been saving it. For the right moment.
What do I do? I don't know her name.
Next time, remind me to do this out in the yard.
I think I'd better keep it.
Whatever you say.
Home?
No way. I'm not going to let that little hussy make a monkey out of me.
Sure glad you didn't let make a monkey of you.
I don't feel like it right now.
She didn't take it from you, did she?
That little girl? Ha. Now go on, get me some tools.
At last. Ultimate Power.
And the first thing we do is get rid of Supergirl!
I don't want much, Selena. I have simple tastes.
What do you want?
Western Europe.
I'm sorry, but I already promised Bianca she could have Switzerland. You know how she loves to ski.
Is this Nigel's doing?
It's a warning, that's for sure.
Maybe it was just an accident.
Wait...don't leave me in here...
What's happening?
I'm taking you to the hospital.
Let me out. I have to talk to you.
Don't leave me.
I have to.
When can I see, you again ?
You're alive! She didn't kill you!
Who didn't?
That woman who's after me. She hates you. Because she knows I love you.
You love me?
My angel. My goddess. I feel I've always loved you all my life. I'll die if I can't spend the rest of my life just looking at you, holding you in my arms...
We have to have a long talk about all this.
This is my favourite place in the city.
Are you sure it's all right for us to be here?
Like it?
Yes. It reminds me of home.
Where Superman's from? Krypton?
No. Argo City. It was on a chunk of rock that was part of Krypton once---but we moved it to inner space.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
It's not important. The important thing is I'm here to find something and I think you can he1p me.
I used to work here summers when I was a kid.
Ethan, tell me more about this woman who's after you.
Let's talk about us, not her.
Tell me where I can find her.
But be reasonable. If I don't do something to stop her she'll try again. And maybe hurt you.
I'll be safe with you. We can stay together the rest of our lives.
We can't do that.
Why not ?
We're from different worlds.
All this talk about love, it's silly.
Of Course I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone.
There's one sure way to find out how you feel.
What's that?
Let me kiss you.
No.
You're not afraid are you?
Of course not, but...there are things we don't understand.
If we wait until we understand everything we'll be dead. Come on. You can learn more from one kiss than from years in school.
Is this how?
I thought I'd show you one of my favourite places.
It's paradise . We could be very happy here.
But I have to go back. I brought you here so you'd be safe. From her.
Great! I'II build a house-- right over there, with a veranda looking out to sea. And I'll plant a garden! Papayas, pineapples, bananas, mangoes--- anything'll grow here. And I'II fish in the lagoon, and we can go sailing in a dugout canoe, and---
She said it wouldn't last.
I don't love you any more.
Just like that?
Away. From you.
But why?
Because you remind me of all the dumb things I said.
I sort of like what you said.
That makes it worse.
Hi.
Hello. Are you still mad at me?
I'm not mad at you.
It seemed that way to me.
I know I was acting funny---I'm sorry. It's just...I miss it.
Miss what?
And now?
You think so?
I don't see why not.
But what if---it wasn't real?
Hey, listen, when all this blows over, maybe we could get together every now and then and see each other. And maybe something might. happen again. What do you think?
Are you asking me for a "date"?
Why not? You're a good-looking girl. And I'm--- available.
Aren't you forgetting about Selena?
There's something very dangerous about her. Something evil...
That's the Power Source that was lost from Argo City! That's what I came: to find! Where does she live?
In this big old house on Orchard Avenue---but you better stay away from there.
Wait. Don't leave me.
Before you go...
What?
And you can see how you feel about me, right?
You've had your fun, Selena, the game is over.
It's her shadow-self! Her dark side!
How do I fight it?
No thanks. I have friends in the resistance. They'll vouch for me. I figure I might get a million bucks for my memoirs.
She's right. They'll string her up.
Hey! Ethan!
Hmmm?
A little.
Can you get us out? It's all a misunderstanding. We thought they were selling hamburgers in that place.
Hey, I thought you were gonna mention us upstairs.
I did.
Finished your estimate?
Well, there's several ways to go .
You must be very popular in the neighborhood. I always see your truck parked around.
I have a lot of repeat business. People seem to like my service.
I bet they do.
What's that big black scar on the ground? Like a fire.
What is it?
A passionfruit smoothee.
To us. And to the seeds we'll plant together.
Oh no, not you again.
What an adorable hat.
They think I have a concussion.
And you think you're in love.
I know it.
This "love" of yours will soon wear off. I gave you a temporary love potion.
Why should I believe you?
Yes, yes I saw the whole thing. How could you be interested in that puny little girl?
But she is real, it wasn't just a concussion.
Nurse! Nurse!
You can't escape from me that easily. I'm afraid you don't know who I am.
Nurse!
Don't think I'm weak, just because I'm a woman. I have Power. Give in, stop fighting me, Ethan. I always get what I want.
This is your problem, right here. This girl's driving you insane, Ethan. Let me help you.
I don't want your help.
No!
I'm wise to your tricks, lady.
I could force you.
If that worked, you would've done it already. No, you want me to drink it of my own free will. Well let me tell you, sweetheart, it'll be a cold day in hell before I fall for that one again.
You've been without water for a whole day. Let's see how thirsty you get in a week.
You vicious--
They want me. Doesn't it make you proud?
Guess! Go on.
I don't know. You seem afraid.
You're a regular Einstein, aren't you?
You can't put her out of your mind, is that it?
Well...I guess I can't.
Why the empty cage?
You sure are a good cook, Selena. Man, that looks too pretty to eat.
Selena, I've been thinking. It's time I settled down---and I don't know a nicer lady to settle down with than you.
Why George, are you proposing?
Marry me, Selena. The hardware store doesn't bring in much now, but...
Hey, where you going?
I've got things to do.
What about my proposal?
Nice to meet you. Lucy's told me all about you. Your cousin Clark taught me everything I know about the newspaper business.
Do you have any theories about last night?
Theories?
I believe there's a rational explanation for everything. But I don't know what it is.
Where is your cousin Clark, by the way?
He's off doing a top secret uh, investigation.
Gosh, what do you suppose .that is?
Can I give you a lift?
Oh, no thanks.
Someone's chasing him.
Say---you think that's the same guy who was in the accident with Lucy?
Yes.
Oh, Jimmy, can't you forget about your career for one second?
Jimmy, would you please put those poor flowers in water before they die?
I had to dump the papers in a trashcan. The Danvers have been arrested!
How do you know?
I saw them dragged out of the Administration Building.
Did anybody notice you?
I can't help it if men notice me.
I sure wish Superman was around. He wouldn't let any of this go on. Not for one minute.
I wish they'd tell us what they're going to do with us.
I've been in love with you for years. Remember how you used to visit your sister in the newsroom? And put your fingerprints on my lens.
Remember? I was trying desperately to get you're attention.
You were? You mean we could've been... you-know-what... all this time?
You bet your ass.
Why didn't you tell me?
I am almost an adult. This is what I want.
But Kara, no one has ever gone from here to Earth. The journey is dangerous.
It was my fault we lost the Power Source.
Years ago. And it was Zaltar who stole it.
Superman will return it.
Be brave, my .daughter. Be wise.
What are you making:
What's a tree?
It's something they have on Earth. You know, where your cousin went.
Where is Earth?
Didn't you study six-dimensional geometry in school?
Even I have trouble with that sometimes. Earth is in outer space. And we're in inner space.
I don't understand.
You see, a tree is a living thing.
I'm sorry... I didn't know.
I can do that.
There isn't any.
I have money to buy more, but I haven't had a chance since...
Since what?? Did you have a fire at your house or something?
I'd rather not talk about it.
You're not...an orphan are you?
My cousin Clark is my only relative on Earth.
Oh wow, I should've known. Me and my big mouth. Listen, you can borrow any of my clothes you want. Any time.
She did that deliberately.
How'd you do that?
Keep an eye peeled for Myra. She's out to get you.
But what for?
Your hair looks the same.
No thanks. You go on.
Linda babes! There's this all-night party at Eddie's... his folks are away...
Oh, I don't know. I'm not signed out for an overnight.
Go back, sign in, and climb out the bathroom window. McCloskey's always zonked out: she'll never hear you.
It doesn't seem right.
Why is he acting so strangely?
Lucy; come back!
I'm afraid I have some bad news about your car.
Listen, I know I've been saying you ought party more, but keep your hands off this one, will yak? He's private property. I've been waiting years for him to develop.
He's nice.
You're not gonna stay for the ice cream?
I have to get back. I'm having dinner with the Danvers.
Don't you believe in knocking?
What can I do for you?
I mean, it would probably be there, if you received it.
No plans for the weekend, Linda?
No, MR. Danvers.
Can't have you moping around the campus. Why don't you come home with us for dinner?
Thank you both so much. It was a lovely lunch, Mrs. Danvers. I had a wonderful time. And you're a terrific chess player MR. Danvers.
What? Me?
Cheer up, Nigel. It's not the end of the world.
It may well be. I know how you won that election Selena. You can't fool me.
I have plans Nigel. You could come with me... I'm going places.
I just did. Because I have the Power.
Bianca's taught me all! need to know. I'll be safe, as long as I don't go too far.
Nigel, get out of here. And don't come slithering back. Nigel shakes his head.
You need me, Selena. I'm the only one who can save you from a terrible fate.
Balefire on you, Selena!
You think you are on top now. Well there is someone coming to challenge you. I saw it in the cards this morning.
Nigel, get lost.
I have to talk to you.
You're wasting your breath.
You used to listen to me. When you asked me to teach you something of the Craft.
...trust the wisdom of the ancients, trust the Great Mother to protect us... Why. are you staring at me like that?
Nothing's wrong with my skin.
You better have a pretty good explanation for this, Selena.
Which of you is willing to make that sacrifice?
You would! You revealed our existence so you could have all of our power.
Maybe you'd like to get rid of this Supergirl yourself, Nigel?
Why get rid of her at al1? You've used the Coffer of Shadow too much. It is beginning to rule your heart.
That was meant for me!
Who are you ?
I am Selena. Give him to me. Now. Or you'll both be sorry.
That ought to keep you out of my hair for a while.
A cheap trick.
The Danvers. And two of your little friends.
You've run out of things to throw, Selena.
I'm free. I can never thank you enough.
Ever since I found that thing I've been like a prisoner in a terrible nightmare. You have no idea how awful it is to be mean all the time.
What's it like?
It's the most beautiful place in the universe.
Where is inner space?
They'll be grateful. If you hadn't found it, it would still be lost. Look, up ahead.
Yes, I see it. Shining like a jewel.
What is this place?
This is the Phantom Zone. But why did you come here from Argo City?
I was on Earth...
Earth? You crossed the dimension barrier? By yourself?
Shouldnt've done that.
...but the person who has it. tricked me, and sent me to the Phantom Zone.
It's dangerous to use a Power Source on Earth. It can unleash all sorts of terrible forces---
I know.
Others?
...mid pleasures and palaces though I may roam..."
What? Palace? Hardly.
It's lovely. . .
No, no. Not lovely. 'Perfect'. Did everything just right. Nobody telling you to change this, move that around. Please yourself. That's the secret of happiness.
Are you happy, Zaltar?
What kind of a question is that? Of course: I am. I do whatever I want. All the time.
You look at them? How?
That horrible woman!
Zaltar, please help me.
Of course, my dear. What can I do?
There's no way out of the Zone. No one's ever escaped. That's why they send the criminals here.
If there's a way in, there must be a way out.
There is a way.
I knew it!
But it's impossible.
Why?
Then teach me how.
Takes a long time, you know, learning the wand. Just begun to understand it myse1f. Give things a kind of life--can also take away life; works backwards too. Besides I can't let you take my wand. Only have the one, what would I do? I'd be helpless. It's out of the question.
Then come with me.
Leave the zone? What would I do on Earth?
You could do anything. You could sculpt mountain ranges...draw with rainbows! You'd have superpowers.
Superpowers. Got you in a lot of trouble, didn't they?
You're going to take me back?
I heard my mother ask you once "how could a man with such a selfish heart create beauty?" She was wrong, Zaltar, you have a generous heart.
You can use the wand.
What's that? Never saw anything like that.
Don't stop. Keep moving.
Yes, mustn't stop.
Zaltar. Use the wand!
Goodbye...
Yeah? What do you want?
What?
What are you talkin' about?
Good lord, fella! I'm talking about your boss.
Mr. Roebush?
Roebush! That's the guy! Buddy, he's gonna nail our behinds to the wall! this is Special Order! He said he had to have it before... Omigod!! What's tomorrow?
Tuesday.
S'not bad, s'very good, but... y'know what's wrong with this... Singapore...thing?
Sling. Singapore Sling. What's wrong?
Not enough vodka in it.
There's no vodka in it.
Aha! What'd I tell ya!
Got vodka in it now. Gotta give it a new name. Hey, listen, you thought it up, we'll name it after you. What's your name?
Brad.
Brad is not a good name for a cocktail.
Hey! Y'know what they used to call me in high school?
Brad?
No, no, on the football field. They called me... ...The Smallville Flash.
Man, you don't never pass out, do ya?
Here I am, honey, and I'm all yours. Remember when you were Queen of the Prom? All the guys had to wait in line to get a dance. But now there's only one name on your dance card, sweet thing, and it's --
Brad Wilson.
Hiya, sweet thing. Little guy's getting' hassled, huh? Kent, you still here?
All the kid needs is a couple of pointers from the ol' champ here. Kent, I bet you didn't know I won the all-country bowling trophy two years in a row.
Uh, no, I didn't know that, Brad.
Say, Brad. I think he'll be better off doing it his way.
I just think Ricky would rather not get a bowling lesson in front of the other kids.
The kid needs a man to show him --
Lana Lang. How great to see you.
You look wonderful.
You shouldn't say that, you're the chairman -- ...uh, chairperson...
And here I am, just standing here. That's terrible. Thank you.
You're welcome...??
I can't Clark already asked me. Didn't you? He used to love this song. Didn't you? So he just said -- "Would you dance with me?"
You'd be surprised how many offers I didn't get. Even Brad wouldn't stick around for this. It really isn't easy.
And three years after the Royal Wedding, the King abdicated. Isn't that terrible?
It sure is.
You know what's the problem?
Too much mayonnaise?
Mayonnaise? Donald loved mayonnaise. Why would you think that was the problem.?
I didn't --
No, the problem is -- Why do I stay in Smallville? Believe me, I've asked myself the same question. Do you know how lucky you are to live in Metropolis? The Big Apricot.
But Lana, you could --
That's easy to say. But how? And what about Ricky?
Who?
You...um...you never got married?
That song. I remember one day I came into the music room and you were fooling around at the piano. And I thought -- what am I going to do with all this potato salad?
You thought that?
I just can't stand this.
Hey, he'll be all right. Believe me Lana, I know. I was a late bloomer myself.
It isn't only that he's small for his age. how would you like to be the only kid in town without a father? Look at him, he's stewed to the gills in the middle of the afternoon.
But all he had was chocolate milk.
Gee, I haven't done this in years.
Some people don't think it's healthy.
Well, it's true you have to be careful things don't spoil, especially with mayonnaise or cream.
Clark, I think you worry too much about mayonnaise.
Me??
And even nicer when there's a man around, Which isn't all that often.
There's a lot of choices here.
No, all the good ones are married. That's why Brad thinks he's God's gift to women. This woman anyway. He's single. He won't take no for an answer, but he's the only one who's asking. And he knows it.
Peanut butter and jelly.
No, thanks.
No, I mean Ricky. He's not interested in any of this stuff.
Well, this pate is rather...unusual.
Gee, I haven't laughed like that since -- since -- I really can't remember when.
So...how much longer do you think you'll be in Smallville --
I can never get a way from it.
Old ties are hard to cut.
That's the biggest change in Smallville, you know. They've taken over this town. Everybody who isn't actually working for Wheat King -- like I do -- is out there -- on a Wheat King thresher. Do you think I could do it? Do you?
Ride a thresher? Well, I don't know. Girls are trying just about everything now but --
No, what you said before, Could I make it in Metropolis? I've dreamed about it, sure, but I never really thought about it. What would I do when I got there?
Call me.
The dog's always doing that. And the car's always doing that.
He really was!
Uh-huh.
Well, aren't you excited?
Gee, I always loved porch swings.
No, well in this case I think I can speak for him. I mean, I'm pretty close to him, you know. Superman will be there on Wednesday.
I guess he misses a lot of dinners.
But if you wouldn't mind settling for me --
Hi, Lois. Morning, Jimmy, you've got mustard on your lapel. Excuse me, Mr. White, I don't mean to interrupt but ---
Mr. White, please, I promised those people I'd get back to them by this morning. What do you think?
I'm getting a cramp in my elbow from this.
-- but you deserve the vacation, Lois.
Uh...excuse me, folks...
Kent!
Well... Not quite like this.
Mr. Kent! Superman was here!
Do you really know Superman?
Mr. Kent, could I ask you something?
Sure.
Hi. Mister Kent. Guess who Mom's having dinner with tonight? Superman!
Anyway, the reunion's just the hook for the story. What it's really about is how the typical small town's changed in the last fifteen years. how do you like this a title: Can You Go Home Again ?
Say!
So, Mr. White? Can I go ahead and make my travel arrangements?
You're the best, Lois.
I'd better be. Suddenly I've got competition to keep up with. Your high school reunion article. I though it was terrific. And fascinating. Especially about the girl back home. I'll tell you what, Clark, I'll take you to lunch and you can tell me all about it.
Gee, I'm sorry, Lois. But I've already got a lunch date. With Mr. White's new secretary.
It's practically an American ritual, Mr. White! Isn't that so, Jimmy?
But my Uncle Al, on my father's side, he won't eat her stuffing, he says it should be cooked on the outside of the turkey and she puts the stuffing inside the turkey. So my mother told my Aunt Ellen . . . Aunt Ellen's my father's half-sister, I told you that, right?
Mmmmm . . .
The thing is though, my cousin Arnold, Aunt Rosey's Arnold this is, he got mad when Uncle Al insulted his mother's stuffing, so now the problem is --
Wow, what a beautiful sunrise!
Keep talking to that state trooper so he doesn't notice where I'm going, okay?
What are you doing?
Name?
Ah yes, August Gorman. Have you looked for work this week, Mr. Gorman?
Yeah.
What kind?
Kitchen. . . Technician
Dishwasher? Any luck?
Nope, but --
Mr. Gorman, according to our records you have been unemployed for 36 weeks.
Thirty-five.
Not counting this week. You secured employment last June as a messenger and were discharged after one day for. . .
They said I lost it on the subway, but it ain't the truth! It was a pickpocket took it!
A television set?
Well, it was one of them little bitty two-inch screen Japanese jobs.
The only other employment you found was in a fast-food joint-- -- which lasted. . . 28 minutes! Well! That's some kind of record. Talk about fast!
Man, them people was crazy! How they 'spect you to learn all that jive on the first day? "Hold the pickle! Hold the lettuce! Extra onions! Special sauce! No special sauce!" Ain't nobody found no meat inside that glop yet.
Mr. Gorman, the city of Metropolis is generous to a fault, but. . .
I know, I'm the fault.
Thirty-six weeks of chronic unemployment, thirty-six weeks of living off the taxes of hard-working citizens. Do you know what you are?
Don't call me a bum! I ain't no bum!
You are, I was about to say, no longer eligible.
What about this week's check?
Sonofagun! Look at this here!
First paycheck?
First rip-off, man! Supposed to be 225 bucks a week! You know what this sucker says?? $143.80! Federal tax! State tax! Social Security tax!
That's so you're still getting some money when you hit 65.
Actually, it's probably more like $143.80 and one-half cent. There's always fractions over in a big corporation, but they round it down to the lowest whole number.
What'm I gonna do with half a cent? Buy me a thoroughbred cockroach? Everybody loses them fractions?
They don't actually lose 'em. You can't lose what you never got.
Who gets it, the company?
No, not really. They can't be bothered collecting half a cent from your paycheck anymore than you could.
So where is all them half-centses?
How many sugars?
Quittin' time, Gus. Comin'?
Uh . . . no, man. I got some work to finish up here.
Workin' overtime? What are you doin', buddy, looking for a raise?
Gus?
Say what?
The boss wants to see you.
Please, Mr. Webster, you're a great humanitarian. Ain't you heard what it's like in them jails? You send an innocent boy in and he gets thrown in with killers and robbers and rapers and raper killer and robber rapers and...
You've been a naughty boy haven't you? C'mon now, admit it, you were kinda naughty.
Say, fella, I understand. I can -- what do the kids say these days -- "dig where you're comin' from." You want to be rich, right?
Uh...
Now me, I was born rich. I've never worn the same pair of socks twice.
I believe they're laundered and sent to some charitable institution. I don't know what the heck they do with 'em. Maybe they use them for dust rags, or pen wipers...
Or socks.
Yes! That never occurred to me. Her ya go, buddy, single-malt. Gus, my friend, you're a genius. Okay, a naughty genius, but hell, nobody's perfect.
Gus, Webco, the Webster industrial complex, is a family-owned cartel. A little magnesium here, a little zinc there. Some railroads here, some farm machinery there. You follow?
Gus, do you know what I want now? I want coffee!
Black or regular?
Man, what is this?
Under different company names. I control the price of coffee beans in Brazil. The price in Venezuela. Java, South Korea, North Korea, the Aleutian Islands, Guam, Bolivia, and the Republic of Gabon!
But y'see, chum, the problem I got is that one country just won't play ball with me. You know how that can just bug a guy, don't you?
Which country?
Columbia.
Columbia.
Wipe 'em out?
But Mr. Webster...you're doin' okay with Brazil and them other places. What's wrong with just one little old country doin' their own thing?
A very wise man once said...I think it was Attila the Hun... "It's not enough that I succeed. Everyone else must fail." And you are going to do it for me.
Gus, tell me, have you ever heard of Vulcan?
How do you do that?
Always making yourself beautiful for me, aren't you? So, Gus, can you make Vulcan do what I want it to? You didn't answer me, pal. Did you hear about that prison riot last week? It seems they were complaining about rats in the cells...
Yeah, yeah, I can do it.
When?
First question got to be "Where."
What?
Hey, boss.
Just the man I wanted to see!
Turn on the T.V.
I did. isn't it neat-o?
Uh...what channel were you watching?
It ain't. It's nowhere. It blew up. That's how come they shipped the dude to Earth when he was a baby. well. I know some stuff too, y'all.
Just hold on a minute. I have been doin' some thinkin'
God, that's what I keep you for.
That's what I been thinkin' about. How you been keepin' me. I ain't getting' nothing outta this gig.
Gus, if there's anything I hate, it's greed.
He sure wasn't actin' bad and nasty that day in Smallville. Man, he was so full of niceness I was startin' to feel funny about layin' that chunk of...
KRYPTONITE!
Every oil tanker and super- tanker and super-duper-tanker in the ocean is controlled. totally, by computers. Computers to tell them where to go, how much oil to take on, where to deliver it.
They ain't got captains?
And do nothing. Just sit there.
Then how's all the people gonna get their oil?
And then shut down the pipe lines.
Pumps stop pumping oil. Pipe lines stop pipin' oil. Tankers stop deliverin' oil. Man, this is high stakes.
Lookit, you're getting' what you want all the time. it ain't right that I don't get somethin'! I never get somethin'!
I knew it, I knew it, go be nice to people and they think they can ask for the moon!
Now...when do I get a taste?
I should think a taste of freedom is enough, don't you? Or would you prefer jail?
Is this blackmail?
Don't be getting' racist with me, man.
Is this whitemail?
Fair's fair.
A waste-basket? GUS Those are plans. Blueprints.
For what?
A computer.
We've already got some.
Not like this one you ain't. Nobody in the world got one like this 'cause it don't exist yet. We got to build it.
You designed it?
I invented it, man. In my head. It's a stone killer-diller get-down get-it-on and twice-on-Sunday super mutha computer.
What will it do?
Everything.
What will it get me?
Anything.
Yeah? How's it look?
It looks wonderful. it is wonderful, let's face it.
I told you it wasn't no jive.
Gus, it seems we are talking state-of-the-art technology here. We are talking unlimited power. We are talking "get-down hot-cha daddy-o" whatever you called it.
Stone mutha.
But a machine this powerful is going to make powerful enemies. People who will want to destroy it.
Ain't nobody gonna mess with my machine! I'll...I'll... what will I do? I'll build in a counter-punch! Anything attacks it gets counter- attacked! And wiped out!
Can you do that?
Remember, Gus. A machine doesn't want anything except to keep on being a machine. You've got to make sure it can figure out how to beat any opponent.
You want to mess with Superman?
Awright. I got me my electric train, mama. I finally got -- Hey, what y'all doin' up there?!
How you doing down there?
Don't make me talk, please. I got enough problems just hangin' on.
Hey, you're perfectly safe.
I ain't about to argue with you. What's gonna happen to them three? Ross the boss and those ladies?
That's up to the judge, Gus. It's not your problem anymore.
Watch out for them air pockets!
No, we're just going down.
We gonna crash?
I never crash, Gus. That'd be embarrassing.
We back in Metropolis?
Whatcha wanna stop here for? Not that I ain't glad to be on the ground, y'understand.
Thanks. Let's go
I was afraid you'd say that. Hey, is there a bus station around here?
Hey listen, I didn't know your mama was comin' by...
Through the telephone line terminal, that ain't nothin'.
Oh Bubba, think of the possibilities.
You will command the tankers to sail toward a 50-mile area in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
I know, by computers.
Who is she?
Who's the other woman?
You're amazing, Olsen. A boring banquet and you bring back 3,000 boring pictures. Then Superman puts out a fire on Third Avenue this morning and you stand there and watch the whole thing and you don't take one picture!!
I didn't have my camera with me.
All right, Kent. I just hope you know what you're doing. If you really think Smallville is your big chance, go for it.
What about me?
What about you?
Why do I have to do this?
You! You're lucky I didn't fire you. I get a chance at exclusive on-the-spot pictures of the biggest forest fire in history and what does he come back with??? A broken leg and twelve melted rolls of film.
Ricky? Where...what...
I'd wash that out with some iodine... Okay, Mercurochrome.
Thank ...you.
Oh. I'm Lana Lang. This is Ricky.
We've already met.
And this is... ...Clark. My friend is around here somewhere, I'll just look for...
You know, I really wasn't expecting all this.
He was asleep before his head hit the pillow. Well, this was only the biggest day of his life. I really don't know how to thank you.
There's no rush.
But the bridge...
It's hard to believe... a great looking girl like you all alone like this. As she glances up at him, she is first flustered, then flattered, then...finally...just realistic:
Listen, are you sure you shouldn't do something about the bridge?
The picture looks blurry.
What terrific story?
Kent's been invited to his high-school class reunion.
Hey, I'd definitely shoot color on that one, Jimmy. It'd be a crime to just use black and white.
Lois, I've got to hand it to you. You're amazing. Who else could manage to turn a three-week tropical vacation into a front page story that's going to blow the lid off government corruption in the Caribbean?
I thought you'd never get here.
Hey, don't expect me to save you. Because I don't do that anymore.
Well, don't let me keep you from anything.
Lots of things...
I'll do more than tell you. I'll show you, back at my place. If you'll just do me one little favor first.
Okay, what is it? You want a ride?
Never. I get air-sick. You wouldn't like that.
No, I don't think I would. So... then what can I do for you?
I don't know you, lady.
But the other night...
Ross, honey, it's time for your massage...
If you don't mind, we are trying to hold a meeting here!
Why stop at coffee! A cup of coffee gets the world off to work in the morning, but what keeps the world working?
Diet soda?
How would you know?
Hey, I know a lot of things!
"At a special session of the General Assembly, 178 countries voted to censure Superman. With only Columbia abstaining." ROSS That fella's becoming a public menace.
I can't see anything.
Turn on the light.
Where's the light switch?
Come on, will you? We've got to get ready before he gets here.
Gus?
You! Activate circuits 29 through W7 and start Full Power Coordinates on Exterior Defensive Systems:
Oh, Superman!
Cut the mush, Lorelei. He's after our skin!
I can't! It's out of control!
Mr. White, please, it's time for you to draw this month's winning JINGO number. The prize is an all-expenses trip to South America.
Why can't the idiot in Circulation who dreamed up this imbecile contest in the first place ---
53.
Okay? Goodbye.
Mr. White, the next number, please?
How'm I supposed to turn this thing?
By hand. Like the pioneers did.
Mr. White, you be in this shot, handing them their plane tickets.
It's modern. It's up-to-date. It's state-of-the art. People, I am in love with this machine. Go ahead, Mr. White.
Where's the handle?
85,000 dollars.
Missing????
I don't know who. Whom. I can't trace it. In the old days it was simple. We kept books, we had ledgers, we could see what was going in and what was paid out. If somebody wanted to rob you, he'd come in with a gun and say 'stick 'em up." Now they get theses blasted computers to do their dirty work!
Now, Vera...uh, Simpson, you know my Staff Dietician?
Well, chum? What now? Kiss the 85 thou goodbye? Pay some thief's salary while he thinks up new ways to shake the money tree?
That's what I want to know! By whom? Whom????
I don't kiss.
Vulcan is the weather satellite our government put up in orbit to monitor the weather.
But if somebody re-programmed it, it could do much more.
It could make weather!
Storms! Floods!
Computers talk to other computers, right?
She's not his mama either.
Someplace where nobody knows him so they can't connect him with us.
You mean...you mean...Vera! Vera! The magnitude of this!!!
Today coffee----
Small potatoes.
We already have a super-tanker.
Chicken feed. If Gus Gorman can push the right buttons ---
He ruined it! That lousy do-gooder, he ruined it.
Nice try, Butch, but it wouldn't be effective against Superman. You'll see! Now that he's pulled this stunt, he'll stick his nose in my oil scheme and ruin that one, too! I've got to get rid of him! I've got to!
Wait a minute! She's right! Kryptonite. I remember reading about it in an interview with him. Nuts...
What's wrong?
I just remembered the rest. There isn't any more. The only chunk that ever landed on Earth disappeared a couple of years ago. It was in this story in the Daily Planet.
Where did it come from?
So?
Don't you see? Okay, so you didn't kill him. Nobody's perfect. But that stuff we ran up in the lab wasn't a complete failure after all. Right after Gus gave it to him, Superman started to turn into a selfish, ornery, malicious, conniving...
A normal person.
And now that Superman's out of the Nice Guy business...
That's it! The last tanker! They're all mine now! All...
Come on, let's give it a dry run.
Wait for Gus to get here, sis.
He's the only one who can operate this --
He's coming! He's going to hurt me!
Yes! This time we got it right!
Jimmy, how's the -
Anybody been hurt?
So far the hostages are unharmed.
Hostages?
Are you okay?
Lois, I usually do.
Not everyone can have X-ray vision, you know.
Lois, what are you doing?
When was the last time you heard me sneeze?
Uh. . .
Well, you never will again! Thanks to Vitamin C! I'm reading a book that says the foundation of a sound body structure is one thousand milligrams of Vitamin C every day.
One thousand?? That's an awful lot of oranges. You know there are pill, Lois. I've seen them.
I don't?
Of course not. Not when you've got so much going for you.
I do?
Sure! But nobody knows it. Least of all you. Look, would you mind if I gave you some constructive criticism?
Actually, yes.
Lois, why don't you at least get one of those automatic ones?
Haven't you heard? There's an energy crisis. No, this was good enough for my mother --
Maybe I could try --
Clark, everything I was saying -- can't you see I only say it because I really care?
Really?
It is kinda romantic.
'Magic Fingers.' Fifty cents.
Hah, some guys say I have magic fingers.
Yeah, thanks. . . . I mean, really! Posing as newlyweds to uncover the honeymoon racket in Niagara Falls. I mean,. imagine wasting a great reporter - -- uh, reporters -- on this. Perry White and his Sunday Magazine exposes.
A "complimentary corsage."
I was. . . uh. . . just wondering about the.. . .the.. . . the uh, arrangements. Sleeping arrangements.
I don't know, they look pretty happy to me...
Hey, are you hungry? I'm hungry.
Lois, you're amazing.
Aw, c'mon -- anybody can get hungry.
No. I mean here you stand with one of nature's most awesome spectacles and the whole time you've had your back to it. Aren't you impressed?
Where were you?
I was getting hot dogs. What do you mean?
I mean it strikes me funny that every time Superman comes around, you disappear.
Superman? Oh, was he here?
Lois, I don't have the vaguest idea -- as usual -- what you're --
Don't fake me out, Clark. Or whoever you are.
Who ????
Listen, I've got to give you credit. Your disguise is nearly perfect. I mean, if you fooled me, and I am nobody's fool --
You've been under a lot of pressure lately -
Uh-uh. Listen, I'll tell you what. You say I'm wrong. And I say I'm right. So why don't we make a little bet on it?
Because of what I'm betting. My life.
Oh Clark, no!
It's true. It's true.
Lois, I . . .
I was right. you are Superman.
You don't have anything to be sorry about. How could I . . .
Maybe you wanted to.
I didn't think I wanted to.
I'm in love with you. How do you feel?
We'd better talk.
I'm listening.
Not here, Perry'll be calling at six to find out what's happening.
"What's happening." Oh, is that the understatement of the year. Well, so . . . where do you want to . . . talk?
I want to.
Let's go to my place.
You did it. You gave it all up for me. I . . . I don't know what to say.
Clark . . . it doesn't matter . . . we can move . . .
Blood . . . my . . . blood . . .
Maybe we ought to hire a bodyguard from now on.
I don't want a bodyguard. I want the man I fell in love with.
I have to go back . . .to the Fortress . . .
But what can you do? There's no way now . . .
Don't . . . it's not your fault . . . you didn't know . . .
Hi.
Sleep well?
I know, I know all the arguments, you don't have to tell me. That's what I did all night -- I "listened to the voices of reason" till the dawn came up. Do you have any idea what a vile sound it to hear the first bird singing when you've been up night crying?
I'm sorry.
Me too, Oh, I tried to convince myself, believe me, "It's like being married to a doctor," I said. Doctors are practically never at home. The get emergency calls in the middle of the night and their wives manage to live with it. Then a voice said, " could you be a doctor's wife? Or are you too selfish . . . "
You're not selfish at all.
"They?"
Everybody. Everybody else. I'd be buying my little rainbow at the their expense. All the ones who say "Help. Come quick. Now" I know who you'd have to pick.
What else could I do?
Oh, I'm not blaming you. I just know me. I'd be jealous. Jealous of . . . of all humanity. Some rival, huh?
Lois, someday --
Please don't tell me "You'll find somebody else someday." Cause . . . . . . well, you are a pretty hard act to follow, you'll have to admit that. Oh, I'll get by, don't worry about me.
See what happens when I don't have my orange juice? The human body is only a workable, fairly fragile machine when you treat it with the same respect you'd show to ---- . . . gee . . .
Take it easy. Take a deep breath.
. . . Superman?. . . . .
Lois, I really don't see why --
I'll try to remember that . . .
Well, you should. Because I appreciate you, too, you know.
You do?
Everything on it?
Get your head out of the clouds, Kent. Where you been the last twelve hours?
Uh...home...
Don't you watch television? Don't you listen to the radio?
Actually I was trying to catch up on my reading. There's a lot of Dickens I never got around to --
But . . ..that's terrible!
That's why they call 'em terrorists. Go down to the morgue and dig up anything you can find on past incidents of --
Does Lois know about this yet?
Does she know about it? She's in it!
What??
Gee. But --
No offense, Kent. You're good, but Lois is the best we've got.
Lex...Lex, how could you do that to Otis?
What else is ballast for?
How would you like to take a little vacation? I mean you've earned it, you know? You deserve it.
There is some good in you, Lex, after all.
You'll have to pack quickly.
A bikini! I'll need to buy a new bikini, Lex. C'mon. After being cooped up in that prison, haven't you thought about me in a bikini . . ...once maybe ?
A parka.
You thought about me in a parka. That's sick, Lex. Really.
Mush! Mush!
Look at this! Snow. Ice. Your idea of a good time.
A good time! Is that all you care about?!
I like trees.
You'll miss the battle of the century!
Good. My heart can't take it.
Well done, Miss Teschmacher.
Why am I doing this? Why am I here?
This way Lex.
It' s fantastic! ----- This place is genius.
Genius! -- Lex.
I'll be alright.
No, me, me, me. Thank you.
It's beautiful.
It has everything.
Wrong.
Why didn't you go before we left?
That was two days ago. Frankly, I think this place is a bit boring. It's all white. Why doesn't the guy put up some posters? Maybe some bullfight things . . .
Artemis? Do you read me?
What'd he say before? He saw a girl?
I think he said a "curl."
What's a curl?
Isn't that what the old Canaveral guys used to call a comet on an East-West trajectory?
Mr. White, the pressroom wants to know how much longer to hold the front page.
A gang of terrorists seized the Eiffel Tower in Paris
I can't understand it! Where is he? I mean, he shows up every time a cat gets stuck in a tree, and now he decides to pull a disappearing act?
Maybe we just don' t know his game plan.
Game plan! It's fourth down and long yardage, the two-minute warning sounded and the ball's deep in our territory! How brilliant do you have to be?!
You no longer can serve humanity if you invest your time and emotion in one of them at the expense of the rest. Surely this is not how you repay their gratitude, Kal-El. Could you really abandon the weak and the needy merely to fulfill some selfish dream.
You have been given a higher form of happiness. The happiness you feel by serving others, by inspiring them to --
Yes, but it's not all I feel.
Patience, Kal-El. You begin to sound like an Earthling. SUPERMAN Mother, you speak only of honor, of sacrifice, of responsibility --
Because that is your heritage. Those are the values we lived by on Krypton.
And she -- the one you have chosen -- she feels as much for you?
-- as the keeper of the archives of Krypton, it falls to me to tell you of the darkest episode in our planets history.
Now This I want to hear.
For many eons the peoples of our world have lived together in harmony. Then there appeared among us three anti-social elements - what on Earth are classified as "criminals."
My kind of people.
The three proved - after exhaustive efforts - incapable of rehabilitation. Now as you know, we had no death penalty -
Sensible enough.
And so our scientists constructed, from an irreversible mathematical equation, the Phantom Zone. In it we imprisoned these three arch-villains for all eternity.
No possibility for parole?
The Elders have, of course, thought long and hard about that question.
I asked the right question.
The one danger we have considered is that the Phantom Zone might - we cannot predict - just might be cracked by a nuclear explosion in space. I cannot say I am glad you asked me that -
Don't feel bad, Mr. Luthor. It almost worked. I mean California almost threw up right in the ocean. Millions of people almost killed. If it hadn't been for that guy Superman - that overgrown boyscout...
I want my Liberace record back tonight.
DELETE IN CUTTING
I mean they can't even trace that guy on that radar they got, every time they try he just flies off.
Where?
North.
Why?
To ski?
OTIS, your brain defies any known scientific laws in its infinite capacity to deteriorate. Every man has a vulnerable point. Some like you Otis, have more that one. I didn't see Superman's in time. But now through patience, invention and skill, my black box is just about ready.
Oh! That black box in our cell?
Shhhhhhh!
That little black box, Mr. Luthor, I mean -- what's it for?
That little black box goes beyond any known conventional radar, it tracks Alpha Waves.
Ahhhhhh -- Alpha Waves.
Wait, wait, wait just a moment. Wait till you've got to know better will you please. Wait, -- look, I can give you anything you want. I can give you the brass ring, the - er -- unlimited freedom to maim, cure, destroy, chew - plus Lex Luthor's savvy. Lex Luthor's career guidance... Lex Luthor's School of...
We have all of this without you. You cannot bargain with what you don't have.
No, Jor-El, the baseball player that came from Porto Rico. Yes Jor-El your Jailer.
Oh my Fullness, as I explained to you before, I am about the best there is. Second best there is.
He flies as well, then . . .
Constantly.
He has powers as we do . . .
Certainly. But - Er. Oh Magnificent one, he's just one, but you are three, or four even, if you count him twice.
Oh, General, the world is a big place. Thank goodness, my needs are small...As it turns out, I have this affinity for beachfront property . . .
What do you want?
Superman! The --
Really Lois, we've got to stop meeting this --
You must be freezing.
I must be. But I'm not. Your home. This is your home.
So -- I hope you like it.
Like it? It's magnificent! Not that it couldn't use a woman's touch. Especially around dinner time.
I never did this before . . . I have to tell you.
It must be tough, having to be Clark Kent.
Oh no. I really like it sometimes. And if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have met you.
Perhaps there is some good in you after all, Lex Luthor.
Me? I'm loaded with good! I mean I've never even used it.
Wait! Don't go in! It's a trap!
I knew you'd double-cross me, Luthor. A lying weasel like you couldn't resist the chance . . .
Are you kidding? I knew it all the time. Did you see how they fell into our trap? Beautiful . . .
Too late, Luthor. Too late . . .
Which one would you like to join, Luthor? Pick a hole.
You said it. Three-to-one should get you both ears and the tail.
Why do you say this to me when you know I will kill you for it?
There is something more you want. The greed is written on your face.
Perhaps a small . . . incentive, your Ultimate. A tiny bauble to help me jog my memory . . .
What more?
No drinks . No movie. This is the last time I take a charter flight.
Where is his home, Lex Luthor? Which way?
Put down Lex Luthor !
Hey, let's be fair. Actually, there've been two or three times --
I'm the man they're protecting. I'm the President. I'll kneel before you if it will save lives.
Who is this imbecile? Where is he?
I wish I knew. -- Oh, God.
Who is this . . . Superman?
You'll find out, General! And when you do . . .
And now they are willing to release the rest of the hostages?
In return for a guarantee that we will not launch an attack an them.
There will be no attack? No attempt to overpower the terrorists?
Um. . . .we have made this guarantee.
Yes, but will you honor it?
Free!
Strange. I tore those metal fibers like paper. And what he did . . .. Was amazing! Something is happening . . ..
Yes. To all of us. The closer we come to an atmosphere with only one sun - a yellow sun - the more our molecular density gives us unlimited powers!
Then we must go there too. To rule. Finally - to rule! And then you shall have what you want.
DELETE IN CUTTING
So this is the planet Houston . . .
What shall we do now?
Look, they need a machine to fly.
You are master of all you survey.
This "super" man is nothing of the kind. I have discovered his weakness.
Yes?
He... cares. He actually cares about these . . . . . .these People. These earth People .
He's captured Non!
General --- ?
Did you really believe we would give up our advantage?
It's brilliant. Daddy thinks so, too. You'll write a new series -- 'Metropolis After Hours.'
I really don't think . . .
But you're perfect for it. You're young, you're single, you're successful...
And I'm usually in bed by ten-thirty.
They make my eyes itch.
You're late. Very late.
Gosh, I'm sorry, we better get in line.
I've never been in a place like this before.
Don't tell me. You learned to dance at church socials.
My prom was so boring. We all flew to Paris the next day to recover . . . Sometimes my whole life seems boring. I thing maybe I should just give everything away and go live among the poor people. Then I remember how smashing I look in sable . . . oh, it's all so confusing. You think I'm silly, don't you?
No ... Metropolis is a confusing place. Back in Smallville -- my hometown -- everything was more simple. People would sacrifice everything just to lend a helping hand.
Oh . . . no, there's no one back home.
What about here?
Well, my career takes up a lot of my time.
Don't tell me you're waiting for lightning to strike. Wide-eyed romantics are an endangered species.
That sounds kind of pessimistic.
I feel kind of light-headed . . .
Maybe I should sit this one out.
Now you try, Clark. We'll start you off with 60 pounds.
He's a jerk. I never noticed it before. Seems like a lot of people I know are jerks . . . . . . Maybe you think the same thing about me. That's why you keep avoiding me.
Then prove it. Lois is doing an interview with Superman about his peace mission . . .
Yes, I know. I'm sure it will be a great story.
Gee, I don't think . . .
Hello, Lacy. Can anybody break a twenty? The cabbie didn't have any change.
Shouldn't you pay the cabbie?
I missed you. It wasn't any fun up there with just Lois and Superman. They're so boring. Let's go do something wild!
Oh . . . my . . .
Hi. Is dinner ready? I'm famished.
Gee, I'm really sorry.
Daddy's offered me jobs at some of his other companies. But, I've been thinking maybe I'll take some time off. I'm going to find a place like Smallville, in the country. Maybe a farm . . . see what the slow lane is like.
I'm sorry to see you go.
You don't have to be polite, Clark. I've got a pretty good idea of how you feel about me.
I'm not so sure you do.
Any more like you back home, Clark?
Like me?
You'll find a good man Lacy. You deserve one.
Maybe if you'd have met who I am now, instead of the spoiled brat you met a few weeks ago, it would have been different between us.
Regardez. Voila Monsieur David Warfield.
That tycoon who owns all those sleazy tabloids?
No Paris?
I don't think we're being treated fairly, Lois. And I'm going to tell Miss Warfield.
The President is about to speak. I don't think it's going to be good news.
Oh, probably just a picture request. I'll take care of it if you want, Lois.
'Are you or are you not part of a plot to weaken our national defense?'
It's her father's grey matter that's weakened if you ask me. How can I ask Superman such a dumb question.
. . . Please leave your message at the beep.
It's just a bad flu, really. How did you know . . .
Superman? Has something happened to him?
Everyone's saying he's . . . dead. But I know that isn't true. I feel it in my heart. I think he just needs help.
It must have been a super effort to get out of bed, Clark.
Close the curtains. The sun is hurting my eyes.
Of course it is. Do you know what the sun is? Why it's just one huge nuclear bomb. A bomb with enough radiation to incinerate an average man like . . . that.
But Superman isn't an average man.
Boys, old Lex has a secret recipe in this dish . . . call it a genetic stew. You help me place it on one of your missiles and I promise you . . . if Superman throws it into the sun, he'll get the biggest surprise of his life. I'll be able to introduce Superman to his first nightmare . . . a
And this so-called . . . Nuclear Man. . . of yours can defeat Superman?
And what do we get out of it?
Lex, we all appreciate how you've supported us lately and . . . uh . . . in recognition of your hard work we've decided to increase your commission to 12 percent.
Impossible? Why?
Because I made a vow. Never to interfere in the destiny of your planet.
But what good is a vow if everything gets blown away? What good was my letter?
Well, I don't understand.
Would you mind taking a walk with me?
Would you mind waiting for me in the visitor's gallery?
Awesome!
Jeremy, I need you to tell the people of the world what you see.
Well . . . I see the ocean currents. . . and the rain . . . and mountains and rivers. . . but . . .
Go on . . .
But you can't tell where one country begins and another ends. You can't see any borders. It's just . . . one world.
Not so fast! All trips are canceled. We pay for wire services. And what we don't get from them, we'll invent.
Who does Clark Kent think he is anyway! He never even said good night!
Clark Kent! You socialized with him . . . a . . . reporter!
Oh . . . no . . . I mean, we just went dancing . . . for a story . . .
Darling, it's good riddance. Let her go. And while you're at it, fire that Clark Kent. He hasn't been here in days. He hasn't even called.
I know Daddy. I'm worried about him.
Didn't we have our little talk about personal involvement with the help? Now that you're the publisher . . .
Daddy . . . ?
Yes, darling?
Tone down our headlines? Lacy, that's all the common man reads!
I'd just like to have a little less sensationalism.
No, Daddy. Our business is journalism. We can't continue to be so irresponsible . . . or else we'll just lead everyone into a disaster.
Is he for real?
I think he's kind of cute.
But all men like me, Lois. I'm very rich.
This letter was addressed to Superman care of me.
I think there's an angle.
An angle?
I know I'm not exactly a Girl Scout but . . . maybe if I show him I'm trying . . . he'll like me.
Who?
Clark. He's late again. I can't figure him out.
That's because there's nothing to figure out. Now will you please pay attention. I'm not through insulting your father.
And your heart beats faster just thinking about him.
Right . . . you want to tell him how you feel . . .
But he's never there.
What's he going to say?
What's that?
Where's Clark?
He was getting on . . . and then this man with luggage and . . . oh, it's a long story.
Are we going to skip the country, Uncle Lex?
Do you realize what I can create with a single strand of Superman's hair!
A toupee that flies?
. . . I look at you, Lenny, and I know how the Romans felt when the barbarians arrived at their city gate.
But why the hair?
He missed the door, Uncle Lex.
Whoa. . .
Gee, Uncle Lex, I don't think this guy's much of a dancer.
Superman broke your monster, Uncle Lex.
Gee, Uncle Lex, I was just getting to the good part.
Hey, Uncle Lex, how's the Nuclear Guy goin' to find his way here?
Oh Leonard . . . When I sent the remains of my last experiment . . .
The one Superman wrecked up?
Not how I might have put it, but, correct. The remains I sent to the sun included the creatures genetic memory. He'll remember everything that he experienced. Not to worry. He'll find his way back to me. Did you hear that?
You're spookin' me out, Uncle Lex.
Hey! He looks . . . normal.
Hey! Just remember I made you.
What was that about?
Didn't you see it? He lifted me up and crashed me down.
He's . . . cold. . .
Of course! That's his one vulnerability. The one way he can be stopped.
Boy, are you gonna get it.
We'll all fry.
This wasn't in the plan.
Don't worry honey, I'm sure he'll make a swell husband.
Ready, Uncle Lex?
You think he'll find us.
Never. But we have to hide out for a while. Lay low. Say. . . a couple of years. By then I'll have a new plan.
What I need this for?
I hadn't counted on this but . . . . . . of course - the power of the sun has given him internally generated heat. I am a ...
You are . . .
What? A genius? . . . an inspiration?
I am an experiment? I am freako?
Destroy Superman!
Nifty, huh? Goodnight Sweet Prince, parting is . . . inevitable Now, destroy Superman.
Nice bit. You're good. With my brain and your, well, frankly, brawn, the possibilities are staggering. I could be . . . Emperor, King! Did you see how scared those guys were?
What do you fear?
Me? Now? With Superman dead and you on my team? It's like I'm the coach and you're the best power forward ever. What could I have to fear?
Stop! I command you . . . you mutant!
Guess who? It's your old friend, Lex.
Luthor, I suspect if you had actually planted a bomb you'd be far away from here by now.
If you have any social skills, you've learned them from a rattlesnake. Just what are you up to?
Know something? You're a workaholic. A good guy 24 hours a day. Stop and smell the roses sometime. Take up a hobby. Get a pet . . . a kitten or a puppy. . .
It's common knowledge you hate children and animals. Why are you back in Metropolis?
Look closely at his cell structure. See anything familiar?
Your time in prison has twisted you into a delusionary state, Luthor.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'll ignore that . . . So, I created a monster who didn't work nearly as well as I might have liked -- you were clearly his better -- he needed more energy, more power.
Which explains why you sent his organic matter to the sun.
Precisely. And then it came to me. My greatest ever plan. I made a deal with some minor league Bad Boys. Arms Dealers, Renegades Generals, You know the type. With you gone, we'll make a fortune rearming the world.
You'd risk worldwide nuclear war for your own personal financial gains.
Nobody wants war. I'd just like to keep the threat alive.
Superman. . . But you're... dead!
I'll deal with you later.
But . . . how could you beat him?
But . . . but isn't the world about to be osterized?
I know, but --
You'll be designing monuments soon, Albert! Hotels! Palaces!
Bunkers!
There's some slice American cheese...and...a half a bottle of club soda, I think.
Ahhhh, my favorite part of the day. Who else could have thought of this aquarium?
Nobody else.
That the planet blew up on May 23, 1937. That the rocket ship with the revolting little freak in it took three years to reach Earth. Ergo?
He's thirty-five years old.
You're a great architect, Albert.
Thank you.
Ah! The guest of honor at last! And about time, too!
But Mr. Luthor, sir, I already --
It's very simple, Otis. Very simple, the XK101 rocket. It's nothing, forty years ago we in the Fatherland were working on this. Five more years, we would've had it. But then -- -- that silly war...Why, my cousin Werner had already --
Albert!
Yes, so, well, Werner would've gotten to that too but -- -- but the XK101 flies only eight feet above the ground...well below the radar limit! So what? We could have done that soon. We had ways to make people ta-- ways to avoid the radar. And this XK101 -- they think it's so smart that they keep it in 'missile silos' underground. Hah!
One of them should've been you.
Yes, Mr. Luthor. The XK101 can travel anywhere in the world undetected. It also has a sensory device built into it so that it can detect any obstacle in its path and avoid it. It just goes around it or over it. The XK101 never quits! It will not stop until it reaches its pre-targeted target!
Me?
You'd better get a new alarm clock. The chief has been hollering for you.
I've been on the job.
A hot story, huh?
It was hot, yes.
You and Lois, you get all the action. There she is, out in the wild West and everything.
Lois isn't here?
She's in California. That's wild enough, I guess.
What's she doing in California?
Clark...Son...that...thing you did with the Sheriff today... those...stunts...you don't do those things at school, do you?
No, Mom. You know I wouldn't break my promise.
Don't worry, Mom. I know.
Mom...
I talked to Ben Hubbard this morning. He'll be more than glad to bring in the crops on shares.
Mother...
Do you know where you're headed?
Keep warm now.
I'd like to.
I'll bet you have some good ideas.
Your bookie?
No.
I know. He sends a check every week to his dear gray-haired old mother.
Actually, she's silver-haired.
Not...gray.
Are there any more at home like you?
Well, how are you enjoying your first day on the job?
I think I lost a week's salary at the dart board.
Some people aren't the athletic type.
But otherwise it's swell.
See? Didn't I tell you this was a tough town?
Unbelievable.
Hey!
Stop him, Clark!
He may have a gun!
It isn't worth getting a heart attack over, Lois.
You're great with the advice, Clark. Maybe you'd better take over the lovelorn column.
Know what?
You described the exact contents of my purse.
What now, my love?
Huh?
Big night coming up?
Oh, not really. I guess I'll just watch a little TV and -- -- unless...would you be interested in dinner?
Thanks, Clark, but I'm booked for the night.
Oh.
It's not what you think. Darn it. I'm going out on a story. The Secretary of Defense is landing at the airport tonight and this kid's going to be there to make sure he answers a few questions he'd rather duck.
For what? Oh, I've see the way the other half lives. My sister, for instance. it looks terrific, but is that what I really want? Three kids, two cats, and fifteen needlepoint pillows? I'd go bananas after one week. Hell, I need this crazy existence of mine. Like I need the plague, right? That's what your thinking.
No. I'm just thinking that you smoke too much, if you don't mind my saying so.
There's no real proof that tobacco --
Can I take you to the airport?
Not unless you can fly.
I'm telling you, I was there.
You were probably so scared you didn't look to see what the trick was.
It wasn't a trick!
Oh sure. A man flies in the sky like a pigeon and it wasn't a trick.
Clark Kent, if you had only seen it the way I did, you -
It was done with wires. They must have rigged him like they do with Peter Pan.
There weren't any wires. I looked.
Mirrors, then. It's done with mirrors.
He grabbed me! He held me! He set me down gently! How could that be done with mirrors?
Look, there was probably a trampoline on the roof somewhere and this joker just took a big bounce.
Why would he do that? How would he know I was going to suddenly slip.
I don't know, Lois, but I do know a fraud when I hear one. This thing goes against all natural laws.
You're just jealous.
Jealous? Of what?
What'd you call him?
Superman. Pretty good name for him, isn't it?
Is that what they're calling him?
They will once I hang it on him in tomorrow's edition.
Super...man. Hmmm...
It isn't that I still don't like you, Clark. It's just that...well, once you've had something like that happen to you, it kind of changes a girl. I'm going to make some coffee. You want some?
Oh, what a chance! If I could just -- get to him.
You're not the only one.
Listen...thank you.
You! The girl from the volcano! Kryptonite...
Help! I mean -- I can't stop saying it. Silly, isn't it - There's nothing to worry about. Help! See.
What are you doing here?
Screaming
Besides that.
He wants to see you. Lex Luthor.
The bald man! The one who tried to kill me?
The way you describe him doesn't really do him justice.
Couldn't we forget the plane? You could lift me in your big strong arms?
Sure, and let the plane crash in the middle of the city.
Oh.
Look, lady, you saved my life once. I owe you a favor. But I can't understand why you follow a man like that.
What can I tell you? He's my leader.
You and your real estate.
Me and my real estate? How many other girls, Miss Teschmacher, are lucky enough to have a Park Avenue address like this?
It isn't a Park Avenue address. really.
Why does it all mean so much to you? All the time, 'land, land, land.'
My father always said to me, 'Son, don't invest your money in anything but land. Land! Stocks rise and fall, banks fall, people are no damn good, but they'll always need land and for that they'll pay through the nose. 'Remember that ,' my father said. 'Land."
Your father was a sick weirdo.
I know that. Bu tin this case he was right. Arnold 'Buster' Luthor, the most inept check forger of his time -- A pity he didn't live to see his son strike out for the big city. A pity he didn't live to see how, from humble beginnings, I created an empire.
This??
Compared to what came before? A year of living in the sewers? A part of that will always be with me.
So I've noticed.
Criers and complainers! That's what I get! Moaners and groaners! Me, Lex Luthor, who figured out how to live in luxury without ever paying one cent in taxes. Lex Luthor, who built this fantastic kingdom under the sea, so to speak, hidden and undetected by the fools who eke out their miserable lives on the streets above.
Streets, Sunlight. When was the last time I saw sunlight.
You'll be seeing stars in a minute, Miss Teschmacher. y'know?
Speaking of feeding things, what about dinner?
Again???
I needed this, Y'know? I really needed this. just when I'm nearing the fruition of my project, Big Bird flies into town. Go ahead! Kill me by inches! Put me on the agony rack!
You think he's for real?
Nuts. He made it.
Bet he makes it.
Shut up.
Damn! This will get him.
What's the temperature now?
Fifty degrees below and still falling.
Krypton!
Some people can read 'War and Peace' and come away thinking it was a simple adventure story. Other people can read the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper and come away with the secret of the universe. Y'know.
I read the article.
See?
See? I see. It's you who don't see. Doesn't see. I cannot believe it! How you people fail to grasp the long-range significance of this! Y'know?
I'm going to bed.
Mr. Romance...
Meteorites!
Ahh. 'National Geographic." In my day, this made 'Playboy" look like Mother Goose.
I don't mean to denigrate your misspent youth, Lex, but what does that rock have to do with --
Tune me in , lady. An explosion such as the one Superman describes would have altered the molecular structure of the Krypton rock.
I know I'm going to get rapped in the mouth for saying this, but so what?
Breathe that air, Miss Teschmacher.
You're happy, aren't you?
La de da da...
The door jam, Miss Teschmacher. This Ethiopian shmendrick here, in his simple, unconscious way, needed something to wedge the door open, the better to inhale the flies that form such an important part of his diet. So he grabs something from the table...
We just take it?
What do you suggest, my dear?
About Vesuvius. About Superman writhing in the bowels of the volcano. Ahh, the look on his face when he saw that Kryptonite. When will I see another, y'know? Y'know?
I don't like to talk about it, Lex.
Weak sister. I still can't figure out why it took so long for you to catch up with us after we all ran out. Y'know?
You ever try to run in high heels? You probably did.
Ready?
They stop for nothing.
But if I put my leg out like Claudette Clobert in --
Don't let me down.
You?! How about me?
No news is not good news. Y'know
There was a recipe on the back --
You're not going to hit me?
Hit you? A clever girl like you? 'He turned slowly, slowly in the lava...' was how you described it. Now that's clever. I have to hand it to you.
You've been under such a strain. And I've ...I've -- -- neglected you. Mea culpa! Y'know.
She knows. Clever, very clever. And unappreciated. But I'm going to take you away from all this.
A night on the town instead of under it?
I don't understand.
Yours not to reason why, Miss Teschmacher. Relax! Enjoy it! Just look at that smog!
This all has something to do with Superman, doesn't it?
Your volcano chum? Your junior life-saving buddy? Let's get high.
Oh. Why? does he live up here?
Not exactly. But it's his kind of neighborhood.
Nothing, nothing. I just want to invite him to tea.
Tea?
You got wax in your ears?
What if he doesn't show up? What if he's taking a nap?
Danger?? Somebody??? Lex -- where are you going?
Where's mine?! Where's my parachute?
Miss Teschmacher, Superman is a fairly bright individual. My understanding of the way he works is that he won't be fooled by a simple trick.
Good. Fine. Now where's my parachute?
I'm wearing it.
I mean the other one!
What other one?
You can't do this to me!
But you can't ignore these facts! It's suicide! Worse than that, it's genocide.
Jor-El, Be warned. This tone of yours approaches insolence.
My friends, I am not a rash, impulsive person. I'm not given to wild, unsupported statements. We must evacuate this planet immediately!
You are one of Krypton's greatest scientists Jor-El -
Then -
I have sworn to uphold the laws of Krypton.
This discussion is terminated. The decision of the council is final. You will cease pursuing this matter. Any attempt by you to continue, to create a climate of fear and panic among the populace, will be deemed an act of insurrection!
As an irredeemable criminal? You compare me to them?
Will you abide by the Council's opinion?
What're you writing, Lois?
an Ode to Spring. are there one or two "T's" in bloodletting?
Two.
Boy!
Gets you where you live, huh?
How come you get all the good stories, Lois?
Need I ask who's favored to collect at the end of this week.
It's a ...baby.
What's your name, boy?
Well - gotta change that tire if were gonna get home.
The good lord works in mysterious ways.
He sure as heck does that.
All these years, happy as we've been, how I prayed and prayed He'd see fit to give us a child. And just when I finally accepted my bitter lot... No one must ever know.
Folks'll ask question.
We'll say he's a child to my cousin in North Dakota, and just now orphaned. Poor thing.
Guess I'd better hitch up the rig and come back to get that...that thing he was settin' in. What do you make of that thing? Martha? You listening?
I was thinkin' what to call him. I was thinkin' I had an uncle who was a fine man, you recall him? The Church Sexton
Who? Clark? I never cared two hoots for that fella. Jonathan Jr. That's got a ring to it.
Got all A's this year. Teacher said he's the best 5th grader in the -
Oh, dear. That isn't what I --
What your mother means, Clark, is that she don't want folks to think you're special.
It's the only logical conclusion. If he remains here, he'll be as dead as...
-- as we will be.
Lara, please...
But why Earth, Jor-El. They're practically animals.
They are primitive, Lara, but they are not animals.
A million years behind us. Jor-El, he's only a baby.
Their atmosphere will sustain him. He will look like one of them.
He'll be weightless.
Yes, true. But on other worlds there would be other problems - heat, cold, no life, no life support systems...No, Lara, believe me; Earth is the least of evils. On Earth, his lighter gravity will render him almost weightless - that can't be helped. But with his denser molecular structure, he will also be strong. He will be fast, He will be virtually invulnerable.
He will be odd, different.
You've been doing some research in the archives.
I want to know what my child is going to face.
I don't know what to say. Look, I -- I just -
Enjoyed it?
I guess I got carried away
My son, I foresaw this. I knew -
No! You couldn't imagine -
How good it felt!
....to feel yourself. Very well. You are revealed to the world. But still you must keep your secret identity. First of all, you will need it as an escape valve. You cannot be special twenty-eight hours a day -
Twenty-four.
Or twenty-four as it is in Earth time. Furthermore, if you will reveal yourself, your enemies will have a way of getting at you where you are vulnerable: by hurting the people you care for. Ah, this Earth...this world you live in, Kal-El... Resist its temptations, its rewards, especially its political system.
There are none of them any good anyway.
Here's the story on that East 19th Street murder spree. Page one with a banner headline seems about right to me.
Lois, take Kent there and introduce him around
Lois, the kickback story...
Nine to five it's a Pulitzer Prize, I know.
If one of you can get that -- I mean, I want the real Superman. Who is he? Where's he from? What's his favorite ball team? What's up?
He is. Usually.
Easy now, miss, I've got you???
You've got me? Who's got you???
Do as I say. Let go!
Oh, God! I'm going to die!
Who...who...
With my luck, now it'll rain.
Superman???
Right on the first guess.
Wha'...what are you doing here?
I came to talk to you.
The answer is yes. Now what's the question?
There's been a lot of confusion in the media about who I am and what I'm up to and all that. I'd like to set the record straight. With your help.
This is incredible. I was just sitting here trying to figure out how to contact you. I mean, you don't have an answering service, right?
Well...flashlight?
I think you'll be able to remember it. I doubt you'll misquote me.
If I do, you can punish me. Fly me to Bermuda and just lave me there for two weeks. This is fantastic! I wish Clark were here.
Who's Clark? One of your colleagues?
Oh, I've got to get some matches. My cigarette.
I'd appreciate it if you didn't smoke.
Oh. Well, where do we start?
Ask, You're the girl reporter.
Okay. Let's start with these strange powers of yours.
You think they're strange?
I didn't mean that in any pejorative way.
I guess they are a little odd.
Well, I mean it's not everybody that can deliver an air mail letter without putting a stamp on it.
I wouldn't do that. It's against the law.
Oh.
The reason I can fly is because my molecular structure is so constituted that I have a lighter density under Earth's gravitational force.
It must feel great.
It's not bad.
How old are you?
Thirty-five.
How much do you weigh?
195 pounds.
What about this X-Ray vision of yours?
What about it?
Can you really see through anything?
Uh-huh.
Is it true you're impervious to pain?
Yes. Although I can get a headache just like anyone.
Do bullets really bounce off you?
What color underwear am I wearing?
Can you actually fly faster than the speed of sound?
Sure.
Do you like pink?
Very much.
Where do you hail from?
I...uh...
Now then, Otis. Did you get what I asked for?
There.
Not there! A pine tree in Death Valley? Idiot! This is for the North Woods section!
Did I do good, Mr. Luthor?
What's the matter, Otis?
Matter? With me? Nothing's the matter.
I broke the man out of prison --
I'll always be grateful, Mr. Luthor.
I gave him steady employment --
I'll never forget you for that, Mr. Luthor.
I gave him this new face.
And now he lies to me. He has been stealing ladies' purses again. Haven't you? Haven't you, you miserable petty crook?
Please...
Is that real enough for you?
It is for me.
But, to someone from the planet Krypton, this substance would be lethal because of its high level of radioactivity. Kryptonite! Ah, Kryptonite! That's the stuff!
You mean bullets and fire and all that can't hurt him, but this kind of rock --
Well, gents? What did I tell you? It's a piece of cake.
They're killing me by inches! Go ahead! Make me suffer! Milk me dry.
Maybe it's being polished or something. Maybe they're cleaning it.
Cleaning a rock, Otis? Jot it down. As soon as we're back, he feeds the pets.
I still don't get it.
Sort of.
What is this??!
Makes Cecil B. DeMille look like the Senior Class play, right?
Well -- you've got me! What can I say?
Plenty! About 'The Crime of the Century,' Remember?
This is California. The richest, most populous state in America. And growing like a sonofagun.
I don't need a geography lesson, Luthor.
It's just that -- I spent a fortune on these things! And all for naught! What a waste --
Of time, Luthor.
At the San Andreas Fault. Maybe you've heard of it.
Sure. It's the joining together of two land masses pushed together eight million years ago. The fault line itself is unstable and always shifting, which is the reason you get earthquakes in the California area from time to time.
Nice! Most of California would have been destroyed. Millions of people would've been killed! The West Coast as we know it would have --
It would never have worked, Luthor. You are a dreamer -- a sick, twisted dreamer.
Maybe I should get help.
It wouldn't hurt. You can't go on living in fantasies. Did you really think you could get hold of a nuclear bomb? And drop it? Why, our Strategic Defense boys would have --
You're right, you're right, Superman. There were wrinkles to iron out. But, well... ...there is this new rocket, the XK 101.
The XK 101. Luthor, that operates on radio waves. And with our fail-safe system, only the President himself can push that button.
Still, foolishly, perhaps, I had a theory that eliminates the Presidential push-button. I was doing my homework...
On radio waves?
Luthor --
Well, that's their problem, T.S. But -- but the XK 101 also works on a radio wave control system. The problem was to find out the frequency. Problems, problems, I've had so many...
They'll soon be over.
Well, it's very impressive but you built this junk for nothing.
Now who's the dreamer, Superman? Even you can't fly that fast!
Yes, we do know each other. I'm Alison Jones.
Yes.
Ally. That was my nickname.
Ally. That's right.
How are you?
I'm just fine, Ally. What about you?
I'm fine. Still working with my father.
And what does he do again?
Ally Jones.
How is Mrs. Stephens?
We're...not together.
I'd heard that. But she's well?
Yes...fine.
I'm glad to hear that Zoe's okay.
Are you still in touch?
Not really. The last time I saw her was at that clinic. That was a long time ago.
Which one?
Which one?
Which clinic?
I don't remember the name. It was near a beach.
So there were others?
Other clinics? Oh sure. Clinics, half-way houses, treatment centers, detox units...
Then...when did she get better?
She didn't.
But you said...
That's where I'm going. To see her.
She's in trouble?
What...does it turn to?
I'm...so sorry.
I...don't think so.
I woke to the sound of Zoe's breathing. It was laboured. I looked over and noticed she was sweating and all swollen. I grabbed her, rushed to the kitchen, and splashed water on her face.
What happened?
What happened?
Well, it was nice meeting you again, Mr. Stephens.
Mitchell. It was nice to see you again, Ally.
Alison.
Alison.
Say hi to Zoe.
I will.
I hope she gets better.
My name is...
Mister, I don't want to know your name.
I understand.
I can help you.
Mr. Mitchell Stephens, Esquire, would you be likely to sue me if I was to beat you right now? Beat you so bad that you pissed blood and couldn't walk for a month. Because that's what I'm about to do.
No, Mr. Ansel. I wouldn't sue you.
Leave us alone, Stephens. Leave the people of this town alone. You can't help.
You can help each other. Several people have agreed to let me represent them in a negligence suit. Your case as an individual will be stronger if I'm allowed to represent you together as a group.
Case?
The Walkers have agreed. The Ottos. Nicole Burnell's parents. It's important to initiate proceedings right away. Things get covered up. People lie. That's why we have to begin our investigation quickly. Before the evidence disappears. That's why I'm out here tonight.
That's my daughter. Or it may be the police to tell me that they've found her dead. She's a drug addict.
Why are you telling me this?
That's my daughter. Or it may be the police to tell me that they've found her dead. She's a drug addict.
Why are you telling me this?
Hi, Nicole.
Hi, Mr. Ansel. Hi, Jessica, Mason...
They just finished supper.
I'll be back around nine.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
It just seems...kind of weird.
Why?
I don't know.
Nicole, I'm just going to pack all this stuff and give it to the church for charity. Don't feel bad. Unless you feel strange about wearing it.
No. I mean, I remember Mrs. Ansel wearing some of this stuff, but...I don't feel funny about that. I really liked her.
What do you mean 'outgrown it'?
I'm not sure.
Goodnight, Mr. Ansel.
Why would he do that? You didn't have anything to do with the accident.
I used to like it here. I used to care about what happened. Now I think I'll sell my house and move the fuck away.
Billy, please. The children.
How is Nicole? Is she around?
She's resting. In her room.
So what brings you out tonight?
I don't see how that concerns you, Billy.
It does concern me.
Well, I don't know why it should. There's a whole lot of people in town involved with lawsuits. We're hardly unique here, Billy. I mean, I can understand how you feel.
Well, it being so depressing and all. But it's reality. You can't just turn this off because you happen to think it's a bad idea.
Why not?
Because it's what we have to do.
Well I don't want a damned thing to do with it.
I've tried to stay out of it. But it turns out that's not so easy, Sam. You've gone and got yourself this lawyer. Mitchell Stephens. You and Risa and Wendell and the Ottos.
So? I mean, lot's of folks have got lawyers.
If that bastard does subpoena me, if he forces me to go over this again, then all those other lawyers will line up behind him and try and do the same thing.
That won't happen, Billy. Mitch Stephens' case is small, compared to some of those other guys. The way he told me, all he needs is for you to say what you saw that day, driving behind the bus. I know it's a painful thing to do, but it'll only take a few minutes of your time. That'll be the end of it.
That's wrong, Sam. You know that. We'll be tangled up in this thing for the next five years. This is never going to go away...
C'mon, you know that won't...
No, Billy. We can't drop the lawsuit. You know how much we need the money.
Why? You got money from Dolores' insurance with the school board. We all did.
It's not enough. For hospital bills. For Nicole.
I'll help pay for Nicole, if that's what you're really talking about. I'll even give you the money I got for my kids. That's what we used to do, remember? Help each other. This was a community.
Nicole's coming over to look after the kids tonight. She'll be there around six.
Billy, that's too early.
She said she's got to be home by nine.
Have you been waiting long?
A while.
Does this mean I can't take a shower?
What time's he coming home?
What are you thinking?
Tomorrow I'm going to put Sean on the bus. He won't want to go. He never does. He'll cry and want to hold on to me.
Yes.
It's natural.
Your kids never cry.
Well, maybe that's because they know I'm going to follow them. Behind the bus.
They can look forward to that.
Sure.
You're leaving.
Good night, Billy.
I stopped by the station a while ago. I stared at the bus. I could almost hear the kids inside. There was a lawyer there. He told me he'd gotten you signed up. Is that true?
Mr. Stephens says that someone didn't put a right bolt in the bus...
Risa, I serviced that bus. At the garage. There's nothing wrong with it.
...or that the guardrail wasn't strong enough.
You believe that?
I have to.
Why?
Because I have to.
Is it true that you gave Nicole one of Lydia's dresses? That she was wearing it when the bus crashed?
Yes.
Why did you do that, Billy?
Dolores. No one calls me 'Mrs. Driscoll'.
What do you mean by that, Dolores?
About the Ottos?
I mean, the way they look. Their hair and clothing...
Do they have any reputation for drugs?
No, nothing like that. The Ottos are what I'd call model citizens. They're regular at town meetings. They give their opinions in a respectful way. They always help out at various fund-raising bazaars in town , though they aren't church goers.
And they loved Bear.
Those are all from the fair last year. Abbott and me were judges at the pet show.
For rabbits?
Billy loved to see his kids in the bus. They always sat in the back, so they could wave to each other. It comforted him.
From what?
From what?
Did he have any particular problems that you knew of? Financial pressures...run-ins with the law...
No, nothing like that. Billy's wife, Lydia, died of cancer a few years ago. He took over raising the children by himself. It was obvious how much he missed Lydia.
You talked about it?
That's the way I thought of them sometimes.
Berries.
Abbott and I used to do a lot of that in the spring.
Berry-picking.
Yes. The old-fashioned way.
And what's that?
A strange little fellow, but you couldn't help liking him. He was close to ten but seemed more like a frightened five or six.
Were his parents...attentive to him?
What do you mean?
You mentioned that he had a learning disability.
That's right.
Did his parents attend to that?
What do you mean?
Did they give him special care?
I have a question for you, Mr. Stephens.
I told you that I was doing fifty miles an hour when the accident happened. That's how I remembered it. But the truth is, I might have been doing sixty. Or sixty five. And if that's true, that I was over the limit when the bus went over, what would happen then?
That would complicate things.
Because I'd be to blame, right?
Billy Ansel will insist that you were driving fifty-one miles an hour. Just like you've done every morning for the past fifteen years.
He knows that? Billy?
Yes. He does.
You've talked to Billy?
I did.
And Billy told you that he'll tell that to...
It's clear to me and other people that you have suffered significantly from this event.
What other people?
Excuse me?
You heard what Abbott said?
Yes.
Anything you didn't understand?
That's what he said, is it?
He never took his eyes off his mother, even as he moved to sit beside Nicole. He looked frightened.
Why would he be frightened?
Good morning, Wanda. Hi, Hartley.
What do you think?
Well, it's certainly what you'd call interesting.
You hate it.
I didn't say that.
I could wrap it up. Protect the other kids.
It's for the school bazaar.
Oh, it's bizarre alright. C'mon Bear. Let's get you out of here.
Away from your crazy Mom.
You want a cup of tea or something?
But Dolores said she saw a dog and tried to...
I didn't ask if you wanted milk.
No. A little sugar though.
We've only got honey.
He thought it was cute when I called him Frankenstein. It wasn't. I feel like his monster.
Isn't it a lovely day?
What happened to summer?
Summer's over. It's fall.
And winter?
How was it?
So do you like your new room?
It's interesting.
Your Dad spent all his spare time in here. He wanted to make it absolutely perfect.
Is this mine?
Yes. It's a present.
From you?
No. From Mr. Stephens. That was him on the phone just now. He was calling to see how you were.
Maybe we shouldn't be talking about this just now, with you barely home. Aren't you hungry, honey? Want me to fix you something?
Nicole!
That was Billy Ansel on the phone. He wants to come over to talk to us.
Did he say what about?
No.
Was he drinking? Could you tell?
Is he coming over now? Right away?
Hey, Billy! What brings you out on a night like this? C'mon in. Take a load off.
The Pied Piper of Hamelin. By famous Hanover city; The river Weser, deep and wide, Washes its wall on the southern side; A pleasanter spot you never spied; But, when begins my ditty...
What's a ditty again?
It's like a song.
What's vermin again?
Rats! They fought the dogs and killed the cats, And bit the babies in the cradles, And ate the cheeses out of vats. And licked the soup from the cook's own ladles, Split open the kegs of salted sprats, Made nests inside men's Sunday hats, And even spoiled the women's chats, By drowning their speaking With shrieking and squeaking In fifty different sharps and
Nicole?
Yes.
Can I sit beside you on the bus tomorrow?
Don't you usually like to sit at the back? To wave at your Dad?
I want to sit beside you tomorrow.
Nicole?
That's right.
Well, if he knew magic - if he could get the kids into the mountain - why couldn't he use his pipe to make the people pay him for getting rid of the rats?
Because...he wanted to them to be punished.
The people in the town?
Yes.
So he was mean?
No. Not mean. Just...very angry.
Oh.
Should I keep reading?
I don't like thinking about the accident. I don't even remember it happening. Besides, it just makes people feel sorry for me, and...
You can only feel lucky that you didn't die for so long. Then you start to feel...unlucky.
That you didn't die? Like the other children?
It would be strange if you didn't feel that way.
They work for the people we're trying to sue. Their job is to try to minimize damages. Our job, Nicole, is to try to maximize them. You have to think of it that way. As people doing their jobs. No good guys or bad guys. Just our side and their side.
I won't lie.
I don't want you to lie.
The truth is that it was an accident, and no one's to blame.
There's no such thing as an accident, Nicole. Not in a situation like this.
You seem very sure about that.
Dolores.
Yes. Dolores...and even your mom and dad. But I'll make sure you go last.
Why?
It was snowing.
I object to the form of that question. Note that.
There was nothing reckless in Mrs. Driscoll's behavior?
Note my objection. She said, 'As I'm talking.'
Note that she said 'pretty clearly'. Not 'clearly'.
I have no questions.
Do you have a room?
Will you be spending more than a night?
What about Doreen?
She...she was a friend of mine.
When?
At school. She fell for Kyle just before we graduated. Got pregnant, and...went to live in a trailer up on a woodlot Kyle's dad used to own. Kyle started spending more and more time at the Spread Eagle...
That's the local bar?
What do you mean?
That's great, Wendell. That's the sort of thing I need to know. So it doesn't come back to haunt our case later on.
Tell me about the Ottos.
Wanda and Hartley. They lost Bear. He was their adopted son. A beautiful boy. Indian.
Yes.
They're smart. Been to college. They moved here from the city about a dozen years ago.
What do they do?
Crafts.
Crafts?
Have they ever been busted?
Need a hand?
You always think you're prepared for these things.
Tell me about it.
How old is she?
Almost three.
Is this it?
Perfect.
Here we go.
I'm in a car wash.
A car wash! Wow, I've never talked to you when you've been in a car wash. Make sure you've got the windows closed.
Remember that time we were having the car washed and I started playing with the automatic window? How old was I, Daddy? Five or six? I got absolutely soaked, remember?
Why are you calling me, Zoe?
Nothing's wrong with trying to talk to me, Zoe.
So what's the problem?
The problem is I have no idea who I'm talking to right now.
DADDY!!!
Why can't you talk to me?
Yes, I'll accept the charges.
Daddy?
Yes.
I'm calling because I've got some news for you, Daddy. Some big news.
News?
Don't you want to hear?
Yes. Give me your news, Zoe.
You always think you know what I'm going to say, don't you? You always think you're two steps ahead of me. The lawyer.
Tell me your news, Zoe.
Okay. I went to sell blood yesterday. That's how it is. I'm in this fucking city where my father is a hot shit lawyer, and I'm selling my blood.
That's not news, Zoe.
Do you know what that means, Daddy? Does it register?
Yes.
I tested positive.
Yes.
What do you want me to do, Zoe? I'll do whatever you want.
I need money.
What for?
You can't ask me that! Not anymore! You asked me what I wanted. Not what I wanted it for. I want money.
Do you have the blood test?
You don't believe me? You don't fucking believe me?
I can hear you breathing, Daddy.
Oh God, I'm scared.
Some more wine?
I'm afraid this meat is overdone.
I'm sorry about that, Mr. Stephens. Would you like to try the fish?
What is it?
We do.
Is there shrimp on it?
Yes.
If you could pick the shrimp off, as well as anything that touches the shrimp...
I'm not sure if that will leave much on the plate.
I'm sorry for coming over unannounced like this, Mrs. Otto, but the Walkers said you would understand. I know it's an awful time, but it's important that we talk.
Who are you?
I'm a lawyer.
You can't come here.
Please, let me explain. I'll only take a moment of your time.
No.
The Walkers spoke very highly of you.
You've been retained?
Yes.
It should be said that my task is to represent the Walkers only in their anger. Not their grief.
Who did they get for that?
Dolores?
It's my belief that Dolores was doing exactly what she'd been doing for years. Besides, the school board's insurance on Dolores is minimal. A few million at the very most. The really deep pockets are to be found in the town, or in the company that made the bus.
You think someone else caused the accident?
So you're just the thing we need.
Excuse me?
Isn't that what you want us to believe? That we're completely defenseless? That you know what's best?
Are you expensive?
No.
If you agree to have me represent you in this suit, I will require no payment until after the case is won, when I will require one third of the awarded amount. If there is no award made, then my services will cost you nothing. It's a standard agreement.
Are you a reporter?
Kyle Lambston's a drunk. Nobody likes him. He's a nasty piece of work.
Been drinking since high school. Fucked himself up. Used to be smart enough.
Any criminal record?
Probably half a dozen traffic convictions. Drunk driving. Lost his licence. That's why he don't work no more.
Can't get off that shitty dump they live on. What little money comes in goes to booze.
How does the family survive?
Now on that morning, did there come a time, Nicole, when you left your parents' house?
Yes.
What time in the morning was this?
About eight-thirty in the morning.
No. I was alone. My sister Jenny was sick and stayed home that day.
Was there anything unusual about the driver, Dolores Driscoll, or the bus that particular morning?
Yes.
And where did you sit that morning?
My usual place. On the right side. The first seat.
And according to your recollection, there was nothing unusual about the drive that morning?
No.
Did there come a time when all the children had been picked up?
Yes.
You remember that much?
Yes.
There was a brown dog that ran across the road up there, right by the dump, and Dolores slowed down not to hit him, and he ran into the woods. And then Dolores drove on and turned onto the Marlowe road, as usual. I remember that. I'm remembering it pretty clearly.
You are?
I will offer that report. Well, then, now that your memory seems to be clearing, can you tell us what else you observed at that time?
Before the actual accident?
I was scared.
Why were you scared?
This is before the accident, Nicole. Do you understand what I'm asking?
Yes, I understand.
Why were you scared?
Mrs. Driscoll was driving too fast? What made you think that, Nicole?
The speedometer. And it was downhill there.
You could see the speedometer?
How fast would you say Mrs. Driscoll was going? To the best of your recollection?
Seventy-two miles an hour.
Seventy-two miles an hour? You're sure of this?
You believe that the bus driven by Mrs. Driscoll was going at seventy- two miles an hour at this time?
You saw the speedometer?
Yes.
Did you say anything to Mrs. Driscoll?
No.
Why not?
I was scared. And there wasn't time.
There wasn't time?
No. Because the bus went off the road. And crashed.
You remember this?
What do you remember about the accident?
That was great.
Really?
You're going to blow everyone away.
You mean it?
Of course.
You don't sound like one hundred percent absolutely sure.
What's so funny?
What took so long?
What's that?
Mrs. Ansel's clothing.
They say I'm lucky because I can't remember the accident.
How do you like it, Nicole?
The ramp?
Pretty slick, eh?
Very slick.
Do you like the colour?
It's okay.
The door needs a lock.
That's too high. I'll never reach it.
He's a lawyer. He's our lawyer.
You and Mom have a lawyer?
Well, yes. He's your lawyer too.
It's because of the accident, Nicole. Most people in this town whose kids were on the bus have got lawyers. A lot of people...well, people in this town are very angry. Us included.
You're going to need special care for a long time to come. It's not going to be easy. Not for you, not for any of us. Because we love you so much. And it's going to cost money. More than we can imagine.
What about insurance? Doesn't insurance pay for these things?
Partly. But there's a lot the insurance doesn't cover. That's one of the reasons we have a lawyer. To make sure the insurance gets paid and to help us look after the rest.
How will he do that?
What are you up to, Nicole?
Nothing.
Nothing good on your T.V.?
Are you sleeping?
No.
Nicole, tomorrow Mr. Stephens wants you to make your deposition at the courthouse. I thought I'd take you over.
Great.
What do you mean?
He couldn't look at me. But I looked at him. Right at him. His secret was mine now. We used to share it. But not anymore. Now, I owned it completely.
Well, okay. I'll take you about nine-thirty in the morning. That's okay with you?
Yes.
How about Sunday night? That's always the best time.
What's going to happen to Dolores?
I don't know.
Will the police do anything to her?
It's too late for that. She can't drive the bus anymore. The school board saw to that right off.
She'll move away.
There's talk of that.
Well, there's the Hamiltons. Joe and Shelly Hamilton.
That sonofabitch owes thousands to the bank and half the businesses in town. He's about to lose his house and car.
But Charlene...
Don't even think of the Bilodeaus or the Atwaters. They're all inbred.
Yeah, well, they probably smoke weed.
Loretta...Sidney Falco...
You ought to stop this nonsense, Loretta, these two dollar bets.
It's compensation, Leo, for the marginal life we lead. Sidney, did you hear the story about the cloak-and-suitor who -- ?
That's right! Tell him, so I can read it in Hunsecker's column first!
Will you mind your own business!
Where are we running? What am I missing here?
Waiter, the check. This man is trying to hold a gun to my head!
How are you tonight, Mr. Falco?
Is "he" inside?
But of course...
Alone or surrounded?
Hello, Sidney. Wanna table?
Just hopping tonight. Leo Bartha been in?
He's somewhere...
Come on boys, break it up...
Did she accept?
Excuse me, Steve. I said namely you shouldn't go around wild, blaming people without justification.
Boys, this gets nobody nowhere - you're over excited, Steve and -
Don't apologize for me, Frank!
I want to speak to Miss Hunsecker, please.
I still think he's responsible for the smear.
Not that I'm convinced, but you'll never prove it in a million years. Steve, you'll do what you want, but it can't hurt; he offers you an olive branch - so today like olives!
I could think of better places to meet her, instead of here. He lives on the whole top floor.
Joe, give my nephew a drink.
That's a lollipop that, boy. The kid is only great.
Went over to Philly yesterday an' seen the folks...it's nice you send them the fifty a month...
See my mother?
Thanks for the publicity spread you got the boys for the benefit tomorrow.
Frank, I think maybe you lied to me.
Looka, Sidney, you're my own sister's son, but where does that give you the right to call me a liar?
You told me that your boy was washed up with Susie Hunsecker, didn't you?
Yeah, and it's the truth, to the best of my knowledge. And, frankly, I'm glad. For Steve's sake, I'm glad, not yours. I manage these boys and I got their best interests at heart. Steve shouldn't get mixed up with no bimbo at his age.
You told him that?
When do these hot-headed boys of yours go on the road?
Coupla weeks. For eight weeks.
That's a nice tour. All booked? When was Susie around here last?
Four five nights ago. That's how I know the romance is off. Also Steve's in a very bad mood.
Listen, Frank, you'd better make sure you're telling me the truth.
...People catch on quick to such an item. Van Cleve already called me - he's firing the quintet.
I see Bartha gave you cold tongue for supper. Hey, wait a minute!
How is dear old J.J. by the way?
Call him up and ask - he might drop dead with shock.
You don't know that lunatic yet? Whims - egotistic whims! Like the gag - when you got him for a friend, you don't need an enemy! That's what the fight with Bartha was about. "Leo", I says, "Hunsecker froze me out. So I'm eating humble pie this month - please print me an item."
And, instead, he printed his heel in your face?
Friends call me Otis - sometimes Tricky Otis.
Otis was outraged when I told him Van Cleve was going to fire you. Tell him not to pay any attention to anything you-know-who says about you-know-what. Right, Otis?
I hate J.J. -- but not that much at this moment...
Blessings on thee, the both...well... Gotta run now. See you two kids later!
Well, son, looks like you went out and bought yourself a packet of trouble...
You've been very kind about it, Mr. Hunsecker. HUNSECKER Give Susie credit for that. I took her word that there was nothing to the smear. Matter of fact, I'll have my say about smears on the show today. That's why I'd like YOUR personal assurance, too.
Mr. Hunsecker, there's nothing to that smear. You have my sincere word...
Take it easy, Susie. He wouldn't be much of a man if he didn't understand my concern. Would you, son?
No, I wouldn't...
Does he have to be here in our hair?
Why, has he bothered you before?
Is it news to you?
Son, lots of people tell me I'm a gifted man, but I still can't see around corners.
Just exactly what are you so hot about? I mean, I know it's a difficult thing to be an artist in this crudest of possible worlds, but --
Nuts! I'm not here as an artist! I'm here as an average Joe, who happens to love your sister Susie!
Frankly, son, you lost me on that last hill. Just give us the punch line...
No punch line. Maybe I was just admiring your know-how---yours and Falco's.
Why do you keep coupling me with Falco?
I don't take kindly to you and Falco selling me ethics. Who's the injured party here, you?
Right now you're in no position to ask questions! And your snide remarks---
Mr. Hunsecker, you've got more twists than a barrel of pretzels.
You hear that, Susie... Continue please...
Susie, as always, is free to say anything she thinks. Go on, dear, say exactly what's on your mind, dear.
Those "dears" sound like daggers. May I suggest that you stop DARING her to speak?
May I lift my eyebrows? What is this? What are you trying to do?
I'm trying to get Susie to stand up to you. But your manner is so threatening that she's afraid to speak!
If looks could kill, I'm dead...
No, I don't care about you -- you're fantastic. My whole interest, if it's not too late, is in Susie...and how to undo what you've done to her...
And what have I done to her, besides not buy her a new fur coat lately? Sidney, you were right -- the boy's a dilly.
Why? Because I don't like the way you toy with human lives? - Your contempt and malice? Because I won't be the accomplice of your sick ego - and the way it's crippled Susie...? You think of yourself - you and your column - you see yourself as a national glory...but to me, and thousands of others like me, you and your slimy scandal,
But my day with Susie isn't over yet and--
Susie, you're very much in my thoughts today.
Why?
What a question, dear, with that newspaper in your hand...
Did Sidney tell you about it?
Not being partial, are you?
Why are you trembling, dear...?
It's just as if I've seen a ghost today...
Then whose fault was it, J.J.? It was someone's fault, wasn't it?
I wouldn't have called the boy exactly balanced...
Sidney is a liar!
Who said Sidney?
You know, dear, we're drifting apart, you and I, and I don't like that.
I thought we were talking about Sidney?
Let me finish, dear. You had your say, now let me have mine...
I started to say we're drifting apart. A year ago, in your wildest dreams, would you have walked by that door without taking up this situation with me? Today I had to call you in!
I'm taking up the situation with you now...
When I'm certain, I'll let you know...
Susie likes to keep her girlish secrets. But in her heart of hearts I imagine, Dallas, that she fancies you in an uncommon way. Now, what about YOU, son? Not just tom-catting around...I hope?
Susie, did you know about this accusation...?
No...
Susie, I'm sorry if---
You in a mood, Susie, to run over to Milgrim's later and buy a few new frocks?
No! NO! Don't touch me!
Err...the Supreme Court story, I was telling you - Justice Black.
And I believe that's precisely where I read it, too. You see, J.J., where I get my reputation for being the best-informed man in Washington.
Now, come, J.J., that's a little too harsh. Anyone seems fair game for you tonight.
There is some allusion here that escapes me...
We're friends, Harvey - we go as far back as when you were a fresh kid Congressman, don't we?
Hello, Harry.
I just checked "downtown". Quiet everywhere tonight.
Incidentally, what happened to that doll? - You gave me the item last night. Still alive?
Yeah. At Bellevue. Still hanging on. But they still don't know if she was pushed.
Say hello to Sidney Falco. Tickle him - he's been a bad boy tonight. He called you my fat friend.
Say, that's good - it's nice - in fact, it's APT, Harry!
Yeah, I got eyes. I put things together.
Can I come out? No.
I have to talk to you, alone, J.J., that's why.
You had something to do for me - you didn't do it.
Can I come in for a minute?
Mac! I don't want this man at my table...
I know Manny Davis.
Match me, Sidney...
Why don't you answer the man, Sidalee? He's trying to take you off the hook.
What, some cheap, gruesome gags?
You print them, don't you?
Yes, with your clients' names attached. That's the only reason those poor slobs pay you - to see their names in my column all over the world! Now, as I make it out, you're doing ME a favor!
I didn't say that, J.J.
Spahish...that must show he likes "spigs", too.
You told me you'd break up that romance - when?
You want something done, J.J., but I doubt if you yourself know what's involved.
I'm a schoolboy - teach me, teach me.
Frankly, J.J., I don't think you got the cards to blitz me.
I don't?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think so...
Awright, that brings us up to five weeks ago. "Sidney, I got a nasty little problem here." Did I say no? I'm frank to admit - it don't jell as fast as we like... But all of a sudden I CAN'T GET YOU ON THE PHONE NO MORE! WHY?... And why, as of this date, am I frozen out of the column...
Are you finished?
No, lemme finish. I DON'T LIKE THIS JOB! That boy is dumb only on matinee days - otherwise he's got a head. And Susan, like you said, she's growing up. Two heads. What I mean, we got a slippery, dangerous problem here!
Not "we", Sidney, you!
Correct me if I'm wrong - WE! Because when I'm out on this very slippery limb for you, you have to know what's involved.
I'll do it, J.J. - don't get me wrong - in for a penny, in for a pound. I'll see it through, but stop beating me around the head. Let me make a living!
Uh huh.
When?
J.J., I want you to get them back their job, Steve and the Quintet.
I know Steve. No.
Well, what have I got? Alimony to a pair of tramps? They're of no concern to me. It's you who count, but don't get me wrong - I don't intend to let you break your neck again!
J.J., you said you want to help me - prove it!
How?
Get Steve back his job...please...
He means that much to you...?
Yes. With your "prestige" it only takes a minute - ten cents worth of American Tel and Tel.
You're picking up my lingo, hon.
Susie, I like this new attitude of yours. You're growing up and I like it! I don't like it when you're limp and dependent, when you're odd and wayward. This gives you a chance for real survival in a very lousy world. Because, don't forget, dear, you won't always have me with you, will you...?
I'm not sure I can reach him in time.
I got that boy coming over here. What's so funny?
With a pocket fulla firecrackers - good.
I think you loused this up but good. If I can trust my eyes, and I think I can, Susie knows all about your dirty work.
Can't hurt...
Can't hurt? I had to get him back his job.
I like that, too. Look, J.J., we can wrap this up in one neat bundle, addressed to the dumps - to oblivion. We're going great, but please play it my way. I cased this kid. Know his ins and outs...He's fulla juice and vinegar, just begging for some big shot like you to give him a squeeze. Do little Sidney a favor: squeeze! -
But it's too late. I got him back the job...
Well he's got her in a tizzy, I'll tell you that!
Sure, he steams her up - wants her to stand on her own two feet and all that jazz!
And who's feet is she on now?
Presumably yours... That's according to St. Dallas.
What's this boy got that Susie likes?
Integrity - acute, like indigestion.
What does that mean - integrity?
Full of beans, ain't you? But you know that you'll stand or fall by what you're doing now...
Let's forget cats and dogs and other pseudo-literary remarks--- I'll just lay it on the line! What about that big rumpus in my office today? You were there, Frank! Where, according to St. Dallas, J.J. was responsible for the Elwell smear!
Don't go wild, Sidney.
What are you so chipper about? If I put a cross on every one of your mistakes, you'd look like a graveyard!
But not for anything I did today...
Are you listening?
Why do something that would drive them right back into each other's arms? Not to mention that this time Susie would know who shot the arrow...
She knows now.
J.J., it's one thing to wear your dog collar...but when it gets to be a noose...I'd rather have my freedom.
Sidney, I told you -
I was trying to build her up, not tear her down -
Talk to her, Sidney...
Listen with care - this will cost me everything, so you know I'm telling you the truth!
You're incapable of the truth...
I know...I know you're the strongest cop in town.
What's all the rush? You said three o'clock.
It's nice, Sidney, that you give me this tip...
- He's got them on him.
Is that a fact? He's a dilly, ain't he? By the by, what did he have against this boy?
He goes out with girls.
Well, I'll be darned. And what does J.J. think he SHOULD do?
I thought he would.
That's a question I usually like to ask YOU. Your secretary phoned.
What about?
Could this be that boy?
Bribing me again?
Who put this item in about the comic? "If there's a more hilarious funny man around than Herbie Temple at the Palace, you'll have to pardon us for not catching the name. We were too busy screaming." Does this Temple have a press agent?
What's your favorite ribbon to go around your favorite chocolates?
Don't you ever get messages, Eyelashes? I called you twice.
I've been up to here. Listen, honey, tell me something. You know Susan Hunsecker...? Has she been in? I mean lately, in the last coupla days...?
I don't think so.
You're sure. Find out for me.
Is Frank D'Angelo around?
Don't tell me you started a polka with Leo Bartha?
Avidly. He was staring.
Staring. Consequently, when he approached me on his way out I wasn't surprised, but I didn't let on.
He was writing a special Sunday piece on...?
...cigarette girls... And naturally -
You were thrilled to be interviewed. Were you "interviewed"?
In his apartment -
And where was his wife?
I don't know - it's a big apartment. But I wasn't interviewed. In fact, I was totally unprepared for what happened.
We're old friends, Chickie - quit it! A big columnist comes in this room, without his ball-and-chain and you make like a delicatessen counter! What did you think would happen in his house?
Do you think you could do something, Sidney?
Do you still keep your key under the mat?
Rita, say hello to Otis Elwell.
Back?
Don't you know who that man is?
Yeah. Otis Elwell. The columnist.
Yeah!
And he's a perfect stranger to me.
What do you want all of a sudden - Lady Godiva...? Where's my other shoe?
Don't you think I have any feelings? What am I? A bowl of fruit? A tangerine that peels in a minute?
Sidney...I...I don't do this sort of thing...
What sort of thing?
This sort of thing!
A girl needs a little romancing before she -
Next time I'll call in a guy to paint silver stars on the ceiling!
What would you think of me if -
Nothing I didn't think of you before.
That's the third time he's called today.
He wants me to break a leg?
No, an arm, he said. I told him you were sure the item would be in Mr. Hunsecker's column in tomorrow's...
It isn't. I've just seen the early edition.
But...
But what?
That makes five days in a row that Mr. Hunsecker's cut you out of his column.
Who else phoned?
The renting agent and the tailor.
Pay the rent. Let the tailor wait.
I wish I could help in some way, Sidney.
Go home, Sally. It's late...
Yes, but as a new subscriber you're under no obligation to take more than three books. And if you mail the enclosed card within ten days --
Sidney, I know you by now. Don't do a dance with me...
You mean you don't want the extra free gift of a colorful giant map of the world???
So what'll you do if I feel nervous? You'll open your meaty, sympathetic arms...?
You ought to be used to me by now.
I'm used to you...
If that's for me, tear it up!
Take a top coat.
What's the matter?
Did you send my folks in Philly the check...?
I put a lotta trust in you, Chickie...
I know you do, Sidney.
I swear, Sidney, I can't help it - sometimes I wonder what I see in you...
That's no way to talk...
Or what you see in me, for that matter...
Stay down town tonight. Maybe we'll take in a show, etc.
Where's those glossy prints you promised? Tonight's the latest I can place them -
I'm feeling too good to fight with you, but that isn't what I said - I said you snoop. For instance, what were you doing around my hotel the other night?
It's a habit with me. So now I'm briefed. So what?
Why me...?
Why not you?
That's your idea of logic? I tell the Judge I didn't murder the man - the Judge says, "Why not you?"
Only two men in this town could be responsible for that smear - you or Hunsecker or both.
Dallas, ask your own manager - he's standing here like a pained wolfhound - Hunsecker and Elwell are enemies to the knife. So how do you get him doing J.J. a favor?
It is a favor, isn't it?
You're talking very fast.
Frank, you don't listen! J.J. just told you to shut your mouth!
Give him credit---the boy's gall is gorgeous!
You watch him, Al, I s...s...stutter!
Temple, I caught your act the other night and -
Did you now? On which bounce?
- and I just had to drop by and tell you how great I thought you were.
No, I don't mind. I'm busy too.
If there's a funnier man in the world than Herbie Temple at the Palace...uh...pardon us for not catching the name, we were too busy laughing. No, make that 'screaming'. It's sweet of you, J.J., thanks. Probably see you at Twenty One tonight. No, for supper, late. Right. 'Bye...
Speak to this lad, Al, ... to Mr. Falco.
And it would cost a pretty penny, huh?
You're touchy, Sidney - don't be so touchy...
Feels like a Monday night, don't it...?
Not to me. Sometimes, the world feels like a cage. Then someone comes along and opens the door...and it's never Monday night again... I wish you and Steve could like each other.
We stick in each others craw.
Yes, but why?
Where do you come off to make a remark like that?
Do you think J.J. likes Steve...?
It's given me a big lift to know that some people want me for myself, not just because I'm my brother's sister.
I hope that J.J. really likes Steve, that it isn't an act.
It's not my nature, Susie, but I'll talk to you like an uncle...
Listen, get a good night's sleep - tomorrow's another day. Feeling sorry for yourself won't help.
I'm sorry about Steve, not myself. I'm even sorry for my brother. To be so lonely, without one real friend in the world - to have to hang on to a worthless rag of a girl like me because she's his only real family -
And I'm sorry for you, too, Sidney. You're going down with the ship.
Susie, whatever problems you have with J.J. - I didn't invent them! What're you blaming me for? If you learned to let out your hatred you would be better off!
Like you?
Yeah! Like me! I don't choke on my own gall - I fight back! Let THEM choke, not me!
I'm not a man, Sidney, I'm -
I know that bit - you're a girl; you need a man to give you strength! So what do you pick such weak sisters for? Don't you know yet that you fight fire with fire, not with tear drops?
I could almost forgive you if what you did to Steve came from jealousy and love...
I didn't do anything!
Don't run away - I was always the man for you! I'm talking to you out of two years of silence - listen to what I say! Inside of six months -
J.J., if you think -
Jimmy! This is a coincidence. I am just going -
I tried to reach you twice -
What do you do for that hundred a week. Fall out of bed?
Jimmy, I'm on my way inside right now to talk to Hunsecker. I can promise you -
Listen, when your band was playing at Roseland -
No more you don't! What is this - You're showing off for her? They're supposed to hear you in Korea?
He's intuitive - he knows he's getting fired!
This is big, you know. Very big! Let's go out later, drink some firewater. With the boys. Fred can call Millie and -
You haven't told him yet...
Steve, my brother isn't as bad as he's painted. He isn't perfect, but -
His stooge, Falco, is around - I saw him walk in. He's been spying on me for weeks, Susie.
Darling, I don't care - really I don't. Sidney'd had a secret crush on me for years, but nothing we do is his business -
But he could be reporting back to your brother, couldn't he?
I have a message for you; I love you. May I dedicate the next number to you?...And the next, and the next. Every Sunday I'll buy you a new bonnet -
If the stores are open -
And on Monday, I'll take it off and stroke your light brown hair and -
And on Tuesday - Hasenpfeffer. STEVE How do you think I realized I love you?
I made you write a beautiful song...
I get the feeling, Falco, that you're always snooping around...
Hello, Steve. I'm glad you could come.
Why did you call me?
Steve...what you tried to do today...you tried to take me up on a high mountain...I couldn't go all the way...I failed you... Will you forgive me? Have I lost you, Steve? Have I...?
Well, maybe I was wrong, too... But there's no doubt, Susie, that we have to face some serious things...
No one's ever stood up to my brother the way you did.
But you didn't do much about it, Susie. You walked out, and there I was...solo...and not too good at that.
I just didn't think that I could antagonize him, Steve -- for OUR sake, I mean.
Steve, I...
No! I'm saying that for your sake you have to make a clean break with your brother!
But, please, Steve, please - one step at a time! I was born only yesterday!...
Steve, I feel exhausted...what do you want me to do?
Not what you're doing now. At least don't ask me - don't ask him. You're fighting for your life! What do YOU want to do?
You going to work all day?
... but the output went to shit after three seconds. I'm thinking now it's the way I'm matrixing the command hierarchies...
You need a break. You'll see it clear when you come back.
I can't
Miles, it's Sunday. You promised to take the kids to Raging Waters today.
Baby, this thing is going to blow 'em all away. It's a neural-net process --
I know. You told me. It's a neural-net processor. It thinks and learns like we do. It's superconducting at room temperature. Other computer are pocket calculators by comparison. But why is that so goddamn important, Miles? I really need to know, 'cause I feel like I'm going crazy here, sometimes.
Imagine a jetline with a pilot that never makes a mistake, never gets tired, never shows up to work with a hangover. Meet the pilot.
But I thought... aren't we changing things? I mean... right now? Changing the way it goes?
Please... let... the kids... go...
Do you know about the chip?
What chip?
They told us not to ask where they got it. I thought... Japan... hell, I don't know. I didn't want to know.
Those lying motherfuckers!
We should abort.
Do you have bandages?
My God.
Look, whatever you want me to do, I'll do. I just want my kids to have a chance to grow up, okay?
No one must follow your work.
No good.
Now don't take this the wrong way, but you are a terminator, right?
Yes. Cyberdyne Systems, Model 101.
Holy shit... you're really real! I mean... whoah! You're, uh... like a machine underneath, right... but sort of alive outside?
I'm a cybernetic organism. Living tissue over a metal endoskeleton.
This in intense. Get a grip, John. Okay, uh... you're not here to kill me... I figured that part out for myself. So what's the deal?
My mission is to protect you.
Yeah? Who sent you?
So this other guy? He's a terminator too, right, like you?
Not like me. A T-1000. Advanced prototype. A mimetic polyalloy.
What does that mean?
Liquid metal.
Radical.
Where we going?
We have to leave the city, immediately. And avoid the authorities.
Can I stop by my house?
Negative. The T-1000 will definitely try to reacquire you there.
You sure?
I'm right here. I'm fine. What's the dog's name?
I need a minute here, okay? You're telling me it can imitate anything it touches?
Like it could disguise itself as anything... a pack of cigarettes?
Well, why doesn't become a bomb or something to get me?
We spent a lot of time in Nicaragua... places like that. For a while she was with this crazy ex-Green Beret guy, running guns. Then there were some other guys. She'd shack up with anybody she could learn from. So then she could teach me how to be this great military leader. Then she gets busted and it's like... sorry kid, your mom's a
Negative. The T-1000's highest probability for success now would be to copy Sarah Connor and wait for you to make contact with her.
Typically, the subject being copied is terminated.
TERMINATED!? Shit! Why didn't you tell me? We gotta right now!
Negative. She is not a mission priority.
Oww! Why'd you do that?
You have to do what I say?!
That is one of my mission parameters.
Jesus... you were gonna kill that guy!
Listen to me, very carefully, okay? You're not a terminator any more. Alright? You got that? You can't just go around killing people!
Why?
Whattaya mean, why? 'Cause you can't!
Why?
Now remember, you're not gonna kill anyone, right?
Swear.
What?
Everything.
Does it hurt?
How long do you live? I mean, last?
Affirmative.
It someone comes off to you with an attitude, you say "eat me"... if you wanna shine them on, it's "Hasta la vista, baby".
"Hasta la vista, baby"?
Yeah, or "later, dickwad." Or if someone gets upset you say "chill out." Like that. Or you can do combinations.
Chill out, dickwad.
That's great! See, you're getting it.
And that's another thing. You could lighten up a bit, yourself. This severe routine is getting old. Smile once in a while.
Smile?
We're not gonna make it, are we? People, I mean.
Excellent.
Not even of dying?
No.
You don't feel any emotion about it one way or the other?
Torque wrench please.
Here. I wish I coulda met my real dad.
You will.
Why do you cry?
You mean people? I don't know. We just cry. You know. When it hurts.
Pain causes it?
Uh-unh, no, it's different... It's when there's nothing wrong with you but you hurt anyway. You get it?
Alriight!! My man!
"No fate." No fate but what we make. My father told her this... I mean I made him memorize it, up in the future, as a message to her -- Never mind. Okay, the whole thing goes "The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves."
She intends to change the future somehow.
I guess, yeah -- Oh shit!!
Dyson.
This is tactically dangerous.
Drive faster.
The T-1000 has the same files that I do. It could anticipate this move and reacquire you at Dyson's house.
I don't care. We've gotta stop her.
Killing Dyson might actually prevent the war.
I'll deal with the police.
Remember what I said, you can't...
Drive for a minute.
We don't have much time.
Is it dead?
Will it melt in there?
No!
I'm sorry, John.
No, no no!! It'll be okay. Stay with us!
I have to go away, John.
It must end here... or I am the future.
Your foster parents are kinda dicks, right?
Easy money!
So she's pretty cool, huh?
Actually, no, she's a complete psycho. That's why she's up at Pescedero. She tries to blow up a computer factory, but she got shot and arrested.
No shit?
Out of the way, John!
No! Don't kill him!
It, John. Not him. It.
We're better off by ourselves.
But it's the only proof we have to the future... about the war and all that.
I don't trust it! These things are hard to kill, John, believe me, I know. We may never have this opportunity again.
Yeah. Drag, huh?
Mom? You okay?
I couldn't... oh, God. You... came here... to stop me?
It's okay. It'll by okay. We'll figure it out.
I love you, John. I always have.
Yeah. Right. How were you supposed to know? Fucking men... all you know how to do is thrust into the world with your... fucking ideas and your weapons. Did you know that every gun in the world is named after a man? Colt, Browning, Smith, Thompson, Kalashnikov... all men. Men built the hydrogen bomb, not women... men like you thought it up. You're so
I got it. Piece of cake.
Ready to rock?
John, get out of the way!!
I know. This is a dream, Sarah.
I love you. I always will.
They took him from me.
It's John who's the target now. You have to protect him. He's wide open.
I know!
Don't quit, Sarah. Our son need you.
I know, but I'm not as strong as I'm supposed to be. I can't do it. I'm screwing up the mission.
Kyle, don't go!
It has helped me a lot to have a goal, something to look forward to.
You said I could be transferred to the minimum security wing and have visitors if I showed improvement in six months. Well, it's been six months, and I was looking forward to seeing my son.
But you've told me on many occasions about how you crushed one in a hydraulic press.
If I had, there would have been some evidence. They would have found something at the factory.
So what do you think, Doctor? I've shown a lot of improvement, haven't I?
You broke my arm!
You're already dead, Silberman. Everybody here dies. You know I believe that. So don't fuck with me!
This T-1000... what happens when you shoot it?
Can it be destroyed?
You look like handmade shit.
I'll bet. Makes you a more efficient killer, right?
My CPU is a neural-net processor... a learning computer. But Skynet presets the switch to "read-only" when we are sent out alone.
Doesn't want you thinking too much, huh?
The man most directly responsible is Miles Bennet Dyson, Director of Special Projects at Cyberdyne Systems Corporation.
Why him?
In a few months he creates a revolutionary type of mircoprocessor.
In three years Cyberdyne will become the largest supplier of military computer systems. All stealth bombers are upgraded with Cyberdyne computers, becoming fully unmanned, Afterward, the fly with a perfect operational record.
Uh huh, great. Then those fat fucks in Washington figure, what the hell, let a computer run the whole show, right?
Basically. The Skynet funding bill is passed. The system goes on-line August 4th, 1997. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. Skynet begins to learn, at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. eastern time, August 29. In a panic, they try to pull the plug.
Yes. It launches its ICBMs against their targets in Russia.
Why attack Russia?
Because Skynet knows the Russian counter-strike will remove its enemies here.
Jesus. How much do you know about Dyson?
I have detailed files.
The CPU from the first terminator.
I must be destroyed.
Is it safe for them here?
It's finally over.
Are you afraid?
... it's... like a giant strobe light, burning right through my eyes... but somehow I can still see. Look, you know the dream's the same every night, why do I have to --
It's not just a dream. It's real, you moron! I know the date is happens!!
I'm sure it feels very real to you --
On August 29th 1997 it's going to feel pretty fucking real to you, too! Anybody not wearing number two million sunblock in gonna have a real bad day, get it?
Relax now, Sarah --
Where do you stand on all this?
On all what?
On Furtwängler.
You represent the United States now. We have a moral duty to be just and we have to be seen to be just.
Major Arnold believes he has a moral duty, too.
That's because you had a proper upbringing.
That's right. I was raised very strictly. So don't speak before you are spoken to!
Oh! And don't wave your hands about!
Respect your elders and your betters!
And no elbows on the table!
Eating is eating... and...
And talking is talking! Well, I think we better get on.
What does he mean, too correct?
Don't see me to my door, there's no need.
Yesterday I read that Furtwängler was asked to lead the New York Philharmonic back in '36, Toscanini suggested it. Had he accepted, he would have become the most celebrated conductor in America.
When he made his decision, he couldn't have known everything. Especially not the way people like you do, who've returned from exile and feel that you have a right to pass judgement. Because you are blameless, you think you know best who is a sinner and who deserves forgiveness. But you have no idea how people lived here.
When he met Hitler at his birthday and shook hands with him, was he pleased?
'Please remember that Dr. Furtwängler risked his life to help anyone who asked him. I personally testify to having seen literally hundreds of people lined up outside his dressing room after concerts to ask for his help. He never turned anyone away. After he heard me play... I am a violinist... he gave me money because I was unable to feed myself or my
Lieutenant Wills reporting to Major Arnold. Sir.
For Chrissakes I hate that shit, cut it out.
I'm very sorry.
I'm Steve. What's your name?
David. David Wills. I'm your liaison officer with the Allied Kommandatura Cultural Affairs Committee. Sir.
Sounds a lot of run. So they sent the big guns to check up on me. We recruiting children now?
I guess so, sir.
Where you from, David?
I guess you admire musicians.
Some.
You think a whole orchestra, what, a hundred and forty or so guys, could be orchestrated?
I guess it's possible.
So, what does the Russki want?
Colonel Dymshitz asked specially to see you.
What the hell are they doing?
David, need to ask you something. You heard this rumour the British found something called the Hinkel Archive?
Yes.
So what is it?
The British occupy the building where this guy, Hinkel, ran the Nazi Ministry of Culture and it seems they've... they've discovered his secret archive.
What's that mean?
I don't know, but the British are excited about it, I know that. The rumour is Hinkel kept a file on every artist working in the Third Reich.
Jeez. And you think the British'll share it with their Allies?
Major Richards said he'd call to let us know.
Okay, better question the next witness. I bet you a bottle of French champagne he tells us the baton story inside ten minutes.
Five minutes.
You have a question for Helmuth, David?
Yes, David?
You see, Wilhelm, I'm talking about ordinary, everyday reasons. Which is why I want to discuss your private life. How many illegitimate children do you have?
Major, I don't see how this line of questioning could...
Isn't it true that before every concert you got a woman in your dressing room and gave her the old conductor's baton, isn't that true?
Major, this is deeply offensive and repugnant!
You bet.
and totally irrelevant.
Major, that's not a good argument. If Dr. Furtwängler did indeed enjoy all these... these privileges, he enjoyed them because of who he is and what he is. That's true of any leading artist in any country in the world.
What?
Your manner.
Can I ask you a favour, Major?
Yeah.
When you question him again, could you treat him with more respect?
With more what? More what?
Major, he may just be the greatest conductor of this century and that merits respect.
David, I don't understand a thing about you. You're a Jew. Are you a Jew?
Yes, I'm a Jew. But I like to think first I'm a human being.
A human being, oh, good, I'm relieved, I thought you were going to say you were a music lover. This man, this great artist has made anti-Semitic remarks like you wouldn't believe. I got letters.
Major, show me someone who hasn't made an anti-Semitic remark and I'll show you the gates of paradise.
Hello, Major, my name is Dymshitz. I'm glad to see you.
Colonel. Pleasure.
So, Major, tell me, have you questioned Dr. Furtwängler?
Not yet.
I was in Vienna. I had with me an Austrian chauffeur, Max his name was, he spent time in the camps. We were looking at these Viennese cleaning up the bomb damage, scavenging for rotting food, butt ends, anything. I said, 'To think a million of these people came out to welcome Adolf on the day he entered the city, a million of 'em,
Furtwängler's in a different category.
A great artist will have great privileges in a Russian zone.
Colonel. He had no sisters, no brothers, only a lot of love affairs.
Anyway, Major, why should he leave his country, his mother tongue, his family, his history, his past, his future, just because now, suddenly, there is a dictatorship? Why?
But what... before that turns rotten... What if they surround the space with barbed wire, Colonel?
Don't talk about things you know nothing about. He was in a dictatorship!
Yeah, yeah, art and politics, yeah, yeah, I heard all about that.
In a dictatorship, art belongs to the Party. If you want to be a conductor, you have to have an orchestra. And you can only get an orchestra if you have contact with the power. All over the world you need the right contacts and you have to make the right compromises.
This is what I'm saying. He must have had Party contacts.
And suddenly, Steve, suddenly you notice that they like you. They honour you, suddenly you are the director of the best museum in the world, for example.
What museum?
I'm sorry. Museum? Not... I said orchestra. Sorry. Believe me. Help me, Steve. You say you answer for someone from high up. I, too, have orders from high up. Very high up. We want Furtwängler. I'll give you in return the whole orchestra, four, five conductors. I need him, Steve.
No can do.
Let Furtwängler go. Please.
I have a duty.
I'm gonna get that fucking bandleader, Colonel. No deal. No fucking deal.
You live here, in Berlin?
Yes.
You do shorthand and typing?
Okay, let's see. How long were you in the camp for?
Three months.
Says here because of your father. What's that mean?
My father was one of the officers in the plot against Hitler. They arrested the plotters and their families.
Your mother, too.
Yes. She suffered longer. She was in Ravensbruck.
Steve.
Think you can get me any of that?
Oh yes, Major, I have recordings of all his symphonies. I kept them safe during the bombing. My favourite is the Seventh Symphony.
Mine's the Eleventh.
But... he only wrote nine, Major.
I'm kidding, Emmi. What about a record player? You have that, too?
No. Ours was damaged.
What's in those files?
The names of the members of the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra since 1934 together with their questionnaires. Major, what am I to tell Dr. Furtwängler?
I'm sorry.
Major, Major... he's here ...
Bruckner's Seventh, Major.
Do you know where the Adagio begins?
Of course.
I'm sorry but I have to leave. I'll find other work. You'll have to get someone else, that's all.
What is this, Emmi?
I can't do this. It's not right.
What's not right?
I have been questioned by the Gestapo just like that. Just like you questioned him.
Emmi, stop! I want to show you something. Let me show you something and then if you want to leave, you can leave, please please. His friends, they did this. And he gave them birthday concerts.
But he had no idea, a lot of people had no idea. I only realised what was really going on when I got arrested.
If he had no idea, why did the Jews need saving? This is the question, Emmi, to all Germans: Why did the Jews need saving in this country? Why, if people had no idea?
I want you to understand why you're here. You're automatically banned from public life under Control Council Directive No 24. We're here to look into your case before you appear in front of the Tribunal for Artists of the Denazification Commission. You understand that?
I have already been cleared by a Denazification Tribunal in Austria.
What they do in Austria doesn't interest me one little bit. Okay? I have your questionnaire here, Gustav Heinrich Ernst Martin Wilhelm Furtwängler, born Berlin, January 1886. Orchestral conductor. And you say here you were never a member of the Nazi Party.
Could you tell us about being made a Prussian Privy Councillor. How did that happen to a non-Party member?
I received a telegram from Hermann Goering informing me that he had made me a Privy Councillor. I was not given the opportunity either to accept or refuse. After the dreadful events of November 1938, the violent attacks on the Jews, I stopped using the title.
What about Vice-President of the Chamber of Music, you used that title didn't you? But then I suppose you had no choice there either, because I suppose Dr. Goebbels just sent you a telegram saying, Dear Mr. Vice-President.
I don't think Dr. Goebbels sent me a telegram. I was simply told. In a letter, I believe. I don't remember exactly.
Goebbels and Goering were sure heaping honours on you. One makes you a Privy Councillor, the other makes you Vice-President of the Chamber of Music, and you weren't even a member of the Party, how do you explain that?
Then why did you conduct at one of their Nuremberg rallies?
I did not conduct at at the rally, I conducted on the evening before the rally.
That sounds like the small print in one of our insurance policies, Wilhelm. And what about April 19, 1942? The eve of Hitler's fifty- third birthday, the big celebration; you conducted for Hitler, didn't you? Was that in keeping with your view that art and politics have nothing to do with each other?
That... that was a different matter, I... I was tricked.
How come?
I made no deal!
I don't buy that.
I keep hearing you helped a lot of Jews to escape. How did you do that?
I don't remember in detail, there were so many.
Did you call someone you knew?
I may have, as... as I said, I simply don't remember.
Or maybe you called Goebbels or Goering? You were so close you were in the same shithouse as them.
May I ask a question?
Sure.
When will my case be heard by the Tribunal?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I need to work. I need to make my living. I live off the generosity of friends...
Tough, tough!
Then why is it, please, that another conductor who was actually a member of the Party, who used to play the Horst Wessel before his concerts, has already been cleared and is working again while I have to wait and wait and wait?
I don't know, he wasn't my case. Why did you escape to Switzerland just before the war ended?
It was because I learned that the Gestapo was about to arrest me.
Why were they going to arrest you?
I believe it was because of another letter I'd written to Goebbels lamenting the decline of musical standards due to racial policies.
So, how did you learn that the Gestapo was out to get you?
During an enforced hour-long interval because of a power failure at a concert here in Berlin, Albert Speer, the Minister of Armaments, said to me, 'You look very tired Dr. Furtwängler, you should go abroad for a while.' I knew exactly what he meant.
You sure knew a lot of people in high places.
It would be truer to say, I think, that a lot of people in high places knew me.
You were real close to all of them, to Adolf, to Hermann, to Joseph, to Baldur, and now Albert, So, let's hear the truth, let's come clean. What was your Party number?
I have a list of names here, people in your profession, who got out in '33. Bruno Walter, Otto Klemperer, Arnold Schoenberg, Max Reinhardt...
They were Jews, they had to leave. They were right to leave. I could not leave my country in her deepest misery. After all, I am a German. I... I stayed in my homeland. Is that my sin in your eyes?
Steve Arnold...
I've got to hand it to the British, David. You know what those guys are? Decent. Tell me, Herr Dr. Furtwängler, do you know Hans Hinkel?
Yes, a despicable human being. He was in the Ministry of Culture. His job was to get rid of Jews in the arts.
Yup, that's him, that's the guy. You know what else the little creep did? He kept files, close on 250,000 files. And you know what's in those files?
Certainly not, but I knew he had informers everywhere. Even in my orchestra there was someone
Who?
I wasn't told. I just knew it.
How?
I was warned.
Who warned you?
Goering. Because Hinkel was working for Goebbels.
What did Goering say?
He told me to be careful as one of Goebbels' men was watching me. He read a report on me - everything I said was quoted word by word.
It is now nine o'clock precisely. I do not intend to be kept waiting again.
If it's too hot, open your tie.
I wish to say something.
When I last saw you, I was unprepared. I did not know what to expect. In these past weeks, I have been thinking more carefully and making some notes. You have to understand who I am and what I am. I am a musician and I believe in music. I am an artist and I believe in art. Art in general, and music, in
And what was that?
Maintain liberty, humanity and justice.
Gee, that's a thing of beauty, honest to God, a real thing of beauty. I'm going to try to remember that. Liberty, humanity and justice. Beautiful. But you used the word 'naive'. Are you now saying you think you were wrong? That art and politics can't be separated?
I believe art and politics should be separate, but that they weren't kept separate I learned to my cost.
And when did you first learn that - when you sent the telegram? Was that the surrender signal, the waving of the white flag?
What telegram?
'Happy birthday, dear Adolf, love Wilhelm.' Or words to that effect. That sounds to me like you were dropping on your knees and saying, 'Okay, Adolf, you win. You're the number one man. Have a swell party.'
I have no idea what you're talking about.
The birthday greetings you sent to your old pal, Adolf Hider.
I never sent him any birthday greetings or any other kind of greetings.
Think carefully, Wilhelm... maybe not in your own name, but as Privy Councillor or Vice-President.
You won't find it because no such telegram exists.
Well, I tried, you got to admit I tried. I thought I might just trap you there, Wilhelm, but David here was too quick for me. Smart move, David, smart move. No, I don't have the telegram, but I know it exists. And I want you to know, Wilhelm, we're going to keep looking for it because I believe you sent it.
Then you are wrong.
Art and politics, yeah, art and politics. Let's look at that. You and the Berlin Philharmonic toured the Third Reich, played in countries the Nazis had conquered. Are you saying that conducting in occupied territories from 1939 on wasn't a commercial for Adolf and all he stood for?
We never, never officially represented the regime when we played abroad. We always performed as a private ensemble. As I think I already told you, I was a freelance conductor.
You know something? You should've written our insurance policies for us because you got more exclusion clauses than Double Indemnity. What do you imagine people thought? The Berlin Philharmonic's taken over by Doctor Goebbels and his Propaganda Ministry but Wilhelm is a freelance, so art and politics are now entirely separate? Is that what you believed ordinary people thought?
have no idea what ordinary people thought.
No!
No, because I had only one intention. My only intention whatever I did was to show that music means more than politics.
Tell me about von der Null.
Von der Null?
Yes, von der Null.
Von der Null?
How long's this going to go on, Wilhelm? I say von der Null, you say von der Null, I say von der Null, you say von der Null, we could go on all day. You know who von der Null is, don't you? Edwin von der Nuell, music critic.
Yes, I know who he is.
Isn't it true that because he gave you bad reviews and praised this young guy, Von Karajan, called him a goddamn miracle, said he was a better conductor than you, then you had von der Null conscripted into the army and no one's heard from him since?
That's an outrageous lie!
You sure you didn't call one of your close buddies and say, God in heaven, did you see what that guy von der Null wrote about me? The greatest conductor on earth. I want him out the way. He had the nerve to accuse me I am not playing enough modern music. Send him to Stalingrad. Isn't that what you did? You don't like
Well. Once he said he'd read what this man wrote about me.
And what did he say?
He said, 'Don't mind him. His job is to criticise, your job is to conduct.'
And what happened to Von der Nul?
I have no idea.
You've really no idea? I'll tell you what happened. He died in Stalingrad.
I'm sorry.
Please stop playing these games with me. Why you should bring up the name of another conductor is beyond my understanding.
I'll tell you why. You remember we talked about you playing for Hitler's birthday? And you told me that Goebbels got to your doctors first, that you were tricked?
Come on, admit it. K worried you, didn't he? He always worried you. In 1942, he's thirty-four years old, you're already fifty-six. And Goebbels and Goering keep saying to you, 'If you don't do it, little K will.' Never mind art and politics and symbols and airy-fairy bullshit about liberty, humanity and justice because I don't care how great you are. It's the oldest
This is absolute nonsense!
Well, I'm just beginning to develop my theme. Isn't that what you call it in classical music, developing your theme? Okay, so they played on your insecurity. That's human, understandable. But, there is one guy who doesn't like little K as much as he likes you - yeah, the number one man your old pal, Adolf. He thinks you're the greatest, and when he
I have illegitimate children.
What?
I said I have illegitimate children. I don't know how many.
Stop this, please, stop this now!
No, I'm not going to stop it. Hitler himself offered you a beautiful house and a personal bomb shelter.
I absolutely refused the house and the bomb shelter.
Okay, Wilhelm, go home now. Go home and think about these past twelve years.
I don't understand what you mean.
Everybody says what a great benefactor you were to the Jews. But-- I have things here you said and wrote. Listen to this: 'The Jew composer Schonberg is admired by the Jewish International.' And what about this: 'Jewish musicians lack a genuine affinity with our music.' 'Jewish musicians are good businessmen with few scruples, lacking roots.' You deny you said these things?
Those attitudes do not exist in me.
I believe that. But just answer the question, don't give me explanations.
Do you know what that is?
Of course I know what that is.
Okay, so what is it?
Bruckner's Seventh. The Adagio.
How can I know such a thing?
Have you ever smelled burning flesh? I smelt it four miles away. Four miles away, I smelt it. Have you ever seen the gas chambers, the crematoria? Have you seen the mounds of rotting corpses? You talk to me about culture, art and music? You putting that in the scales, Wilhelm? You setting culture, art and music against the millions put to death by
I love my country, I believe in music, what was I to do?
Helmuth Alfred Rode. Second violinist since 1935. What's it mean, second violinist?
Good, and according to your questionnaire, Helmuth, you never joined the Nazi Party.
Is it true you're going to interview Dr. Furtwängler today?
I'll ask the questions, Helmuth.
Oh, we didn't play for his birthday, we played the evening before - it was the 19th of April not the 20th.
Do you know Hans Hinkel?
Do I know Hans Hinkel?
That's what I asked.
Do I know Hans Hinkel?
You seem to understand the question, now how about answering it?
I hear the British have his... his archive, files, records.
Do you know what's in this archive?
Major.
Helmuth.
Guess what I am holding in my hand. You like guessing games?
It's Dr. Furtwängler's baton, which I stole.
The one he kept in his right hand. Yes, you remember.
Yes, you remember.
Show me.
Show you?
Yeah, show me, I want to see you do it. Pretend I'm Adolf. You're the maestro, and you have the baton in your right hand, but you give me the salute just the same.
Not here, Major, there are people, if anybody should see... please, please, Major...
And I see what you mean. You nearly poked my eyes out.
Exactly. Replaces the baton, gives Steve the case.
Great catch, kid. The boy runs off.
You usually don't work on Sunday, Major?
All in the cause of humanity, Helmuth. Or should I call you one- zero-four-nine-three-three-one?
What?
Was a member of...? Speak up?
I was a member of the Communist Party. I was a communist. That's what Hinkel had over me. He knew everything. He held that over me. That's how he made me co-operate.
Oh, I see, he made you co-operate. And now are you a communist again?
I can give you freedom of movement, freedom to work, freedom, Helmuth. But I need something in return.
Major, we're discussing a man of genius, I don't want...
The only thing I know is he's an anti-Semite.
I've remembered something else...
Yeah?
Furtwängler sent Hitler a telegram for his birthday.
He did?
One of your people told me.
Yes. A corporal. US Army. A Jew. He said he'd seen the telegram in the Chancellery.
But I need documentary proof. You know of anything like that?
There's a rumour... I don't know if it's true or not... but ask him about von der Null.
Never heard of him, who is he?
Edwin von der Null. Music critic. He gave Furtwängler terrible reviews while he raved about Herbert von Karajan.
Who's he?
Also a conductor. Very brilliant. Young. Von der Null called him 'The Miracle von Karajan'. Furtwängler was outraged and they say he had von der Null conscripted into the army. The same thing happened to another critic. True or not, it's not such a bad idea. Critics give you bad reviews, you have them sent to the Russian front. But if you really want
The Miracle Kid.
And ask him about his private life.
Goebbels, yes, Josef Goebbels said, 'There's not a single filthy Jew left in Germany on whose behalf Dr. Furtwängler has not intervened.' No, no one could have been less of a Nazi than Dr. Furtwängler.
But this was the same guy who conducted for Adolf on his birthday.
Oh! The evening before, I see...
Yes, Dr. Furtwängler was absolutely clear about this: politics and art must be kept separate.
You ever seen Adolf Hitler's eyes when he was making a speech? I've seen 'em on films.
Yes.
Was looking at Furtwängler like that?
I don't know what you mean, Major.
So, you never heard of him.
Nope.
Do you know who Arturo Toscanini is?
Sure.
He's as big as Toscanini, maybe even bigger. In this neck of the woods, he's probably Bob Hope and Betty Grable rolled into one.
You were in insurance before the war.
Right. Claims assessor.
Conscientious, determined, dogged.
They said I was dogged?
Well, they say here that when you went on a case, you stayed on it. Now we can't take every Nazi in this country to trial, although I would like to; it's an impossibility. So we're going for the big boys in industry, education, law, culture.
Like this bandleader.
Rudolf Otto Werner. Wind section since 1936. What instrument did you play?
First oboe.
I have your questionnaire here. It says you were never a member of the Nazi Party.
No, I was never a Nazi, I have no interest in politics, I'm a musician -
Dr. Furtwängler is a great musician. He actively opposed the Nazis and later on he helped many Jews to escape.
Then how do you explain him being made a Prussian Privy Councillor?
It was Hermann Goering. I was told he just made the maestro his Privy Councillor, no questions asked. Although Dr. Furtwängler stood up to him. And to Dr. Goebbels.
He also conducted for Hitler, didn't he?
Yes, that's true, but he refused to give the Nazi salute. He kept his baton in his right hand. In Hitler's presence. That was a brave act...
Brave? To celebrate Hitler's birthday with some heroic piece by Wagner but without the Nazi salute? Bravo.
It was Beethoven's Ninth.
Yes, Chuck?
Mission control to Chuck, come in...
Aren't I worth waiting for?
Not really. Do you think you can get here on time if I put you on the floor as a waitress?
I don't know. I kinda had my heart set on being a cashier the rest of my life.
The pay's the same but you'll make more in tips.
Mmm. Same schedule's okay.
Alright!
Can you handle it?
Here you go. You're a Bob's Girl now. Nancy will check you out.
Anything else?
A phased plasma pulse-laser in the forty watt range...
The Uzi 9 millimeter.
Any one of them's ideal for home defense. Which'll it be?
You can't to that...
I had him hooked. He was just about to ask me out. I could tell.
That guy's a jerk. I did you a favor.
What do you think?
Great.
You're a big help.
Alright, the beige one.
I hate the beige one.
Not lately. Did you check messages?
That bum. So what if he has a Porsche, he can't treat you like that...it's Friday night for crissakes.
I'm going to a movie, kiddo. See ya'. You and Matt have a good time.
I haven't seen you in here lately, Mr. Miller.
What's it to ya?
You must have a girlfriend.
That's none of your business.
Compared to me she is. How come you're not at the cash anymore? They catch ya steal- ing?
Do you understand?
Yes. Don't hurt me.
This is a mistake. I haven't done anything.
But outside, it's living human tissue. Flesh, skin, hair...blood. Grown for the cyborgs.
Look, Reese, I know you want to help, but...
Pay attention. The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy. But these are new. They look human. Sweat, bad breath, everything. Very hard to spot. I had to wait 'til he moved on you before I could zero him.
Hey, I'm not stupid, y'know. They can't build anything like that yet.
So, it's from the future, is that right?
One possible future. Four your point of view. I don't know the tech stuff.
And you're from the future too?
Just let me go.
There's so much...
--everythingis gone. Just gone. There were survivors. Here. There. Nobody knew who started it. It was the machines.
I don't understand...
Didn't see the war. I was born after, in the ruins. Grew up there. Starving. Hiding from the H-K's.
The what?
You cold?
Freezing.
Reese...you got a first name?
Kyle.
Kyle, what's it like when you go through time?
I caught one, back there.
We gotta get you to a doctor.
It's okay. Forget it.
This is gonna make me puke. Talk about something.
What?
What's he like?
You trust him. He's got that strength. You'd die in a second for John.
Well, at least I know what to name him. I don't suppose you'd know who the father is? So I don't tell him to get lost when I meet him.
John never said much about him. He dies. Even before the war...
Stop! I don't want to know. Hold still. So...it was John that ordered you here?
I volunteered.
You volunteered?
I'm sure.
Ow! No, it's okay. It's better tight.
And anyway, what do I know about guerrilla warfare?
You'll learn.
Look, Reese, I didn't ask for this honor and I don't want it. Any of it.
Good field-dressing.
Sleep. It'll be light soon.
Okay. Talk some more.
About what?
Bag some Z's?
Thanks a lot.
That's where we're going.
Look. I found it. Isn't that it? Cyber Dynamics Corporation?
What about it?
Didn't you say that they're going to develop this revolutionary new thing...
Molecular-memory.
Whatever...they become the hotshot computer guys so they get the job to build El Computer Grande...Skynet...for the government. Right?
Well, we're gonna uninvent the bastard. Eighty-six it. We'll blow up the place...burn it down. Something.
Tactically dangerous. We lay low.
Reese. Think it through. We can prevent the war. Nobody else is gonna do it. If we go to anybody official we wind up back in jail and then that walking cuisinart has got us again. We have to so it ourselves.
That's not my mission.
Let's go. Time to move out.
Kyle?
Is this enough?
I'm dying for a shower. You could use one too. And we'd better check that bandage.
What's that?
Make sure there's none on the threads, like this. Now screw the end-cap on...very gently.
That's good. Now, seven more like that while I make fuses.
I was thinking, there's so much I've got to show you when we get through this. It's mind boggling, the pos- sibilities...Disneyland, the beach, movies...matinees with popcorn and foot-long hot dogs...
Hot dogs?
I want to buy you a hot dog so bad,Kyle...all the things you've never seen and done. You're here, but wherever you go, and whatever you touch, you bring the war with you.
My whole life has been combat.
I want it to be over for you.
Not possible.
He'll find us, won't he?
Probably. Sarah, if I get zeroed...
Don't say that.
If I do, you have to get away, disappear without a trace. Different country, different name, everything. In case they send another one.
It'll never be over, will it? Look at me, I'm shaking. Some legend, huh? You must be pretty disappointed.
Kyle, the women in your time...what were they like?
Good fighters.
That's not what I meant. Was there someone special?
Someone?
A girl. You know.
So much pain.
Pain can be controlled. You disconnect it.
And so you feel nothing.
It's better that way.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said...
I bet you're ticklish.
What are you doing?
I don't think I like this.
Sarah.
What are you doing?
So. You're a soldier. Fighting for whom?
With the One Thirty Second under Perry, from '21 to '27--
And who was the enemy?
SKYNET. A computer defense system built for SAC-NORAD by Cyber Dynamics. A modified Series 4800.
I see. And this...computer, thinks it can win by killing the mother of its enemy, kill- ing him, in effect, before he is even conceived? A sort of retroactive abortion?
...it had no choice. The defensive grid was smashed. We'd taken the mainframes... We'd won. Taking out Connor then would make no difference. Skynet had to wipe out his entire exist- ence. We captured the lab complex. Found the...what- ever it was called...the time-displacement equipment. The Terminator had already gone through. They sent two of us to intercept, then zeroed the whole place. Sumner
Then how are you supposed to get back?
You go naked. Something about the field generated by a living organism. Nothing dead will go.
Why?
I didn't build the fucking thing.
Okay. Okay. But this... cyborg...if it's metal...
Surrounded by living tissue.
Why were the other two women killed?
You've heard enough. Decide. Are you going to release me?
I'm afraid that's not up to me.
I can help you...
...look, Lieutenant...uh, Vukovich, don't put me on hold and don't transfer me to another department...
I won't. Now just relax. Where are you? Yeah, I know it...on Pico. Are you alright?
Yes, but I don't want to leave. I think this guy's following me.
Here, drink some of this...
Lieutenant, are you sure it's them? Maybe I should see the ...bodies.
Sarah. Sarah, this is Dr. Silber- man. I'd like you to tell him everything Reese said to you. Do you feel up to it?
Why don't you just stretch out here and get some sleep. It'll take your mom a good hour to get here from Redlands.
I can't sleep.
Go ahead. You're safe. There're thirty cops in this building.
Give me the short version.
Okay, let's see...Got a pos- itive on her. She's Sarah Connor, works as a legal--
Here's her driver's license.
You gotta be kidding me. The new guys'll be short-stroking it over this one. A one-day pattern killer.
That stuff's two hours cold.
I know.
Did you reach the next girl yet?
No. Keep getting an answer- ing machine.
Send a unit.
I already did. No answer at the door and the apartment manager's out. I'm keeping them there.
Call her.
I just called.
Same shit.
I can hear it now, it's gonna be the goddamned 'Phone Book Killer'.
I hate the press cases. Especially the weird press cases. Where you going?
If they can get this on the tube by eleven, she may just call us. How do I look?
Go! Go! He's got her.
That Silberman just crack me up. He had this guy in here last week who set his Afghan on fire. Screwed it first, then set it on--
You promised you'd meet projections, Alan. A dollar sixty per share you said. So, I don't think this is so surprising a visit.
Projections were far too optimistic.
Admittedly...
Our E.P.S. was one fifty last quarter. We're up eight cents per share.
But, the expectation was ten. And, in this case, expectation is everything.
Will you really hold me to it over <u>pennies</u>?
My stock's falling. Isn't yours? Those pennies are costing me millions.
The stock will turn.
It probably will. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it almost certainly will, in time. Why should I settle for that?
Because it's fair. Give me next quarter. If you still feel this way, vote your shares...
You're talking tomorrow. Today is what counts.
You intractable son-of-a-bitch. If your father could see you now...
What?
It is so very inappropriate for you to mention my father. Or, did you think this, between us, was friendship? Just because you went fishing with my father, I should sit on my hands while you throw my money away?
Now, look...
I'll be done in a minute. You misspoke before. You're not "stepping down." I'm taking you out at the knees. The whole point is to prove that you're not deciding anything anymore. I'm firing you. Action's taken. Confidence restored. Stock goes up. I sell my shares.
There is no Baer/Grant Publishing without Alan Baer.
I could fight you on this.
Are you finished?
No. This is my lawyer, Samuel Sutherland. I thought you two should meet.
I only mention it because I took the test this afternoon, down on Montgomery Street.
Did you play recently?
Hm? No, about a year ago. I was working out of Los Angeles.
I've heard good things about their London branch. You have to admit, it sounds like some fantasy, role-playing nonsense.
You want to know what it is? What it's all about? John. Chapter nine. Verse twenty-five.
I, uh... haven't been to Sunday school in years...
Christine! Mister Van Orton is a valued customer...
You don't talk to me like that.
I apologized, I offered to help.
Clean out your locker.
Fine, Dennis. Soon as I get my money for this week.
I'm so sorry.
I apologize, sir, I'm having a bad day...
Don't help me, just get more napkins. And soda water.
It was an accident.
Terrific. I now have a hundred dollar dry cleaning bill.
Pardon me... Miss... ?
I'm not sure how this works. Do you have something for me... ? I got this note...
What are you babbling about, psycho?
I want to know what's going on. Are you part of this?
Excuse me, I need to explain...
What's with him?
Do you know what to do?
Oh, God... !
Don't just stand there, get help!
This can't be real...
He's pissing his pants. Is that real enough for you? Call 911!
Alright... okay...
This is nuts.
What <u>is</u> your problem?
Let's talk to whoever can get this over with...
You've got to be kidding.
I was trying to tell you... it's a game.
A game?
It's run by a company... they play elaborate pranks. Things like this. I'm really only now finding out myself.
What are you talking about?
The lights went out, one hundred people all ran away...
You mean, the guy who turned blue and <u>wet</u> himself... ?
I'm sorry, about this...
There's got to be a flashlight.
See you around.
Where are you going?
Home.
Where'd you all go? Motherfucking frat boys. You better hide. Is your life so pathetic that this is something you're willing to pay for?
It was a gift... from my brother.
Long story. I found this key in the mouth of a wooden Harlequin.
Don't even think about it.
Why not?
Read what it says: "Warning, do <u>not</u> attempt to open. If elevator stops, use emergency... "
If there was one.
"... wait for help." Wait for help. I'm not opening a door that specifically warns me not to.
I'll give you a boost.
You first.
This isn't an attempt to be gallant. If I don't lift you, how are you going to get there?
You pull me up.
It's much easier this way. Come on, step up...
No.
Please...
I'm not wearing underwear. Okay? There, I said it. Satisfied.
There's a ladder here.
I'll wait.
This is C.R.S.
What's C.R.S.?
Don't panic. When security gets here, we simply explain what happened...
They'll love that.
You deserted me.
You're a grown man. I'm not responsible for you.
You're the one who started running.
There goes a thousand dollars.
Your <u>shoes</u> cost a thousand dollars?
That one did.
Never did catch your name.
Nicholas. Nicholas Van Orton.
That's classic.
We hang down here and drop. The garbage'll break our fall.
Where are we going?
What exactly do you do?
Nice.
A fresh shirt...
If this was my office, I wouldn't keep that closed.
I know the owner of Campton Place. I could talk to him in the morning.
Goodnight.
I don't think I've ever spent this much time with someone who didn't even ask my name.
The maitre d' called you Christine.
Right. Call me Christy.
Goodnight, Christy. It was nice meeting you.
Give me an address so I can send your shirt back.
I have a confession to make. Someone gave me six-hundred dollars to spill drinks on you, as a practical joke.
Seriously? What did they say?
What are you doing here?
Can we talk?
Didn't think I'd ever see you again.
What is it?
Is this you?
Where'd you get this?
It was left in my hotel room, well, not really mine. You're saying it's not you?
I think I would remember. What makes you think it's me?
Well... the red bra.
Okay.
Do you mind if I sit?
Sure. You alright? Is this still that contest you're in...
I'm tired. I'm sorry, I should go. I've been enough of a nuisance.
Want anything to drink?
You?
Take the picture out.
What's wrong?
Take the picture out of the frame and show it to me.
They're watching.
Wha... ?
No! I'm sick of this...
What is this!?
What are you doing... ?
Get out.
I could've handed you to them. They find me now, I'm dead...
Get out of my car!
You can talk while I drive us to the police.
Who are "they?"
I don't know, nobody does. I'm an employee.
Then, what good are you?
I know things... like who you can trust. Like that your brother was in on it from the beginning.
That's a lie...
It wasn't his fault. He thought it was his only way back. They fleeced him real good.
How? How could they have gotten anything?
They did the same to him as they did to you.
Why else would they be willing to put you under... ?
Overseas operator? Please dial Allgemeine Bank, Zurich.
What did you say?
My name's not Christine. It's not my real...
It's just money. You should be glad you're alive.
It might be best if we didn't talk.
All I mean is... someone like you...
How many times have you done this? I'm interested.
What?
Scams, con games. How many?
I don't know. A lot.
Who is it?
Who is it?
Mm... I wouldn't worry about it.
What... what do you mean?
What are you <u>doing</u> here?
I'm back from the dead.
Get us out of here...
Nicholas...
What do you think you're doing?
You tell me... I want to know who's behind this. Who did this to me... how, why... ?
How deluded can you be? There's no <u>why</u>...
Who's responsible?!
It wasn't you. It wasn't personal...
It could have been any asshole with a couple hundred million in the bank.
They won't...
Where'd you get that... ?
... what... ?
What the fuck are you... ?
Where'd you get that gun?
It's mine...
We searched the house.
Guess you missed it.
He's got a gun. Everyone, he's got a <u>real</u> gun up here! Real situation! ... damn it...
What are you doing?
Nicholas, this is fake. It's all part of the game...
Listen very carefully, I'm telling the truth... this is the game. This was all the game.
Bullshit. They killed him. Feingold, Fisher, whoever... they shot him...
No, now wait... think about it. What did you see... ?
I saw them kill him!
What did you <u>really see</u>? This whole time... special effects, squibs, like in the movies. Please, you've got to believe me... He's got a gun, with real bullets!
Stop talking to them!
Okay... okay... I put it down. Now open that door. Mister Fisher's right on the other side of that door. He's an actor...
Stop talking...
Nicholas...
Shut up!
No! You take another step, I'll shoot! They're trying to kill me...
Think about it! They followed you every step of the way. There was always a safety net. The taxi, there was a diver. At my house, the window was rigged... they shot at us with blanks...
That's not true...
It is. It's what you hired us for. Nobody touched your money. Nobody stole anything. They're waiting on the other side of that door with champagne... all your friends... it's a celebration...
No...
Open that door, you'll see. Your brother's there... Conrad. He's there. It's your birthday party...
Stop it!
Don't move, you bitch... !
I have to show you...
Hi. Didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
That's my fault. I get too worked up at these. I'm very method. You do know... that's not my name.
I didn't know what else to call you.
Claire.
I have to get to the airport...
Where are you going in such a hurry?
There's another gig starting in Saudi Arabia. I'm just a walk-on this time though. Bit-part.
What about dinner sometime, when you get back? Would that be... ?
Is this something you're interested in? I'm not really that person I was.
I realize. Maybe you could... tell me a little about yourself.
Like what... my favorite color... ?
Like... where are you from?
Originally, Connecticut.
Big family... small?
One brother, one sister.
Studied acting, I assume?
Julliard, yeah.
Single?
Yes.
Boyfriend?
No.
Underwear?
Hey there, Nickie.
Conrad, what a surprise. Gesundheit.
Happy Birthday, man.
"Seymour Butts." I never get tired of that one.
They gave me a free jacket at the door.
They'll be wanting it back.
Not after I'm done with it. Actually, I've been here. In grad-school I bought crystal-meth from the maitre d'.
You look good.
So do you. And to think I was worried...
About me?
How long's it been? Since mom died... four years? How are you?
Never better.
Elizabeth?
Divorced. Remarried to some pediatrician or gynecologist, or pediatric gynaecologist, in Sausalito.
Too bad, I liked her. So, you're all alone in the House of Pain?
I redecorated. What about you?
Nowhere in particular. Don't you keep track of my whereabouts anymore?
Connie... what brings you here? Is everything alright?
Yeah.
You need anything?
No.
Really?
For you.
Call that number.
"Consumer Recrreation Services." What, do they make golf clubs?
Trust me. Call that number.
Why?
They make your life fun. Their only guarantee is you will not be bored.
Fun?
You've heard of it. You've seen other people having it. They're an entertainment service, but more than that.
This isn't an escort service?
It's a profound life experience.
Like a stroke?
Tell me you'll call.
Okay.
Will you?
I said I would...
But, will you?
Are you still on mediction?
I thought you'd like this. Best thing I ever did. If you don't want to do it, DON'T...
I'll call them, okay?
It doesn't matter...
I'm going to call.
Do it for YOU.
Okay, okay... okay? I just... you know I hate surprises.
Tell me where we're going.