It was for suspicion of bribery, it's really all in the wording --
Wording and your friendship with the Colonel aside, I'm not comfortable having you involved in this.
Three things. First -- You don't have a choice. Second -- I've never taken a bribe in my life. And Third -- I'm still a little drunk from last night, so if I skip over the witty banter and move forward to straight hitting on you, try not to take offense. Tell me about the two guys.
Hurricane knocked out our Mainframe, so all we have are their dogtags. Cadets Raymond Dunbar and Levi Kendall --
Levi? Who names their kid Levi --
Senator Jonathan Kendall, of Ohio.
Christ... Remind me to thank Bill for mentioning that on the phone --
Kendall Junior is still in surgery, so he won't be available to answer for his name or anything else for another hour -- the cadet we're talking to first is Dunbar.
He's in interrogation?
Yes.
Move him.
Why?
Because interrogation rooms look suspiciously like interrogation rooms, which doesn't exactly put people at ease. Is he cute?
Excuse me?
Is Dunbar cute?
That is the most unprofessional --
Thank you. At some point in there I'm gonna rub my nose. When I do, go at him with everything you got.
Good cop/bad cop?
I questioned him for three hours and he didn't make a sound. You don't have a badge, he won't talk to you.
The Colonel saw you shoot Nunez, you're a murderer --
Baseball?
I believe somebody owes me ten dollars --
You made me look like an idiot --
You really want to make banal chit- chat like that now?
You're right. We should sit in silence.
We're in the middle of a murder case --
What is that?
Typical army brat story. Dad was noncom, Mom was a Nurse. There was never any real doubt of joining up.
You had a mobile of bayonets above your crib.
Something like that. You?
You're kidding.
This is the straight hitting on me you were talking about, isn't it?
The very same.
You do understand that there's absolutely no way I could ever be attracted to you, right?
I plan to grow on you.
You're off to a late start.
You guys really got the shit kicked out of you here.
Imagine what it must have been like for them out there. What do you think of Dunbar?
He's telling the truth, up to a point.
Something wrong?
Being back here. Gives me the willies.
Remember, he's the son of a Senator, so go easy. Kid gloves.
That was kid gloves?
But we have to question him -- Thought you didn't have cigarettes --
"Too neat." How long have you been an investigator?
I don't think that has anything to do with --
I just... He came back for Kendall. I don't think he's capable of murder.
Look, all we've got is what Kendall says, and he didn't actually witness any deaths except Nunez. He found West, he saw Mueller and Pike, but just their bodies -- he didn't see any crime committed.
Why the fuck wasn't he in restraints?
Styles couldn't reassign him, he's a legend --
Goddammit, Hardy, you can't just leave --
Watch me.
West was a monster! Fifteen years ago, I was here, I was Section Eight, I was Pike. Fuck being the knife dummy -- that thing he did, stripping Pike down, making him stand outside all night? He did that every year, he did that to me. Fifteen years ago, I wanted him dead, and now I'm supposed to care that somebody offed him? Sorry,
You did more than try. You cracked Dunbar in less than three minutes, as an investigator you're phenomenal --
I was starting to believe you, you know? That you weren't who everyone said. I guess I was wrong --
Oh, spare me the reverse psychology bullshit! This isn't my "great second chance", Osborne. Everyone thinks I'm a piece of shit cop who took money and nothing is going to change that. Nobody will ever know what happens here --
Why do you care?
I didn't shoot West...
What?
At least you and Kendall agree on that.
Talk it through: Childs, Mueller, and Nunez know they're going out on the regular Tuesday Night drill, hurricane or no hurricane, so they plan it: Kill West, pin it on Pike.
And they're smart about it. They know when you commit a crime you know is going to be investigated, you need a fall guy and for that to work, you have to have a witness.
Dunbar.
Exactly, someone who's not involved, who's word can't be questioned. You only let them see what you want them to see, you make them believe, so when the time comes, they've totally bought into your version of events.
They believe the innocent are guilty and the guilty are innocent.
And if they're asked, that's what they'll tell the, world.
So it's a good plan but it goes wrong; Mueller flips out and shoots their fall guy, which means they have to bring Dunbar and Kendall into the cover story --
Kendall maybe would have agreed, but the hurricane buttfucks the cabin --
Buttfucks the cabin?
And all hell breaks loose. A lot of Good guys shoot a lot of bad guys and whiz, bang, zoom, happy ending.
So why, after Dunbar drags Kendall out from under a house, does the Senator's son try and get us to put his savior in the gas chamber?
That bugs you too?
Little bit.
We're fucked, I know --
They got their stories straight.
What?
What Kendall said -- "the type of guys you don't feel comfortable going to sleep around." That's what Dunbar said about Childs to the letter.
Are you sure?
Why don't you talk to Levi off the record for a second?
That's a fantastic idea --
I pushed him too hard.
You couldn't have known --
Yeah, I could've. Should've.
You wanted to get the truth.
No, I didn't. I wanted to humiliate him. For what he did to Dunbar. For fucking over the little guy.
You wanted to break him.
Yeah.
So what now?
Now I go home, get drunk, and try and forget this ever happened.
Think it'll work?
You know, you never told me why you left the army.
It dawned on me one day that we were supposed to be a nation founded on the principle of questioning authority... and all I did here was follow orders. It didn't add up. Plus, I got kicked out.
For what?
We were close to something with Kendall.
Maybe... Maybe we were nowhere near. Sometimes mysteries stay mysteries. I haven't by any chance grown on you, have I?
No.
Four --
We got maybe three minutes till they break it down.
Hardy, what are you doing --
We can tie you to the chair if it'll work better for you --
Hardy, for Chrissakes --
No bodies, no West...
We need to talk --
What?
This isn't the time --
This is the perfect time. You know what makes a good detective? The number of confessions they get. You're a good detective, Osborne. So now you get mine.
What if I don't want it?
That's not true.
There are degrees of truth, officer. Always degrees.
You're a good man, Hardy.
Really.
West?
Do I have a choice in this?
What are you doing out here?
Leaving without saying goodbye. What are you gonna do?
Go home, get drunk, and try and forget this ever happened.
Think it'll work?
Nah.
A word of advice about women -- that first hour or so after they kill their boss? Probably not the best time to hit on them.
I should probably write that down.
Your phone number?
He was your friend.
The thing is, we've got a real opportunity here. You turn me in tomorrow and we're both fucked --
What are you talking about?
How?
Mueller. He's as bad as West and we both know it. Now I can't do it, cause I'm tied up, but we get the others to go along --
I don't think I want to hear this --
Pike, please --
Maybe we shouldn't go.
The faggot speaks.
You ever been in a hurricane, Mueller?
We should tell him we're not going.
They found him. Poor fucker was practically blown in half --
Poor fucker my ass...
Pike and I got separated --
Yeah and he doesn't know when --
I remember now, it was before the explosion --
Oh, you remember now --
I was freezing from the hurricane --
So you took off your shirt?
We just want --
He couldn't kick you out so he wanted you to quit on your own.
He said what?
"You're gonna die tonight, faggot". Clear as day.
No one else heard it?
Nunez was chasing Dunbar.
Because he'd shot Mueller.
But you didn't see it, right?
Pike never confessed.
Running out of time, are we? Tick- tock, tick-tock, how long till your witnesses fly the coop?
Fifty minutes.
Pike never confessed.
Dunbar says you were.
You and Dunbar got your stories straight. Little details, little inconsistencies, designed to bounce us back from one of you to the other, asking questions, killing time, until the transport arrives and whisks you away to where Senator Daddy can protect you. You think you're just going to slide out of this? You're an accessory to murder, Levi, you're going to jail --
It doesn't matter, Levi. We're going to find those bodies and when we do, I'm going to make sure one of them has a bullet in them that matches your weapon --
It won't work --
Enjoy your flight to Washington --
Wait --
Dunbar's telling the truth.
Wrong answer --
Who, Levi --
I told him what had really happened to West. Told him to keep quiet about it or I'd destroy him. Because if it came out that I was involved with the whole PX scam, my father would be finished.
I scared Dunbar into silence. He's been trying to cover for me the whole time. We got here, you came to see me... I didn't know if I could trust him with that kind of secret --
What happened with Nunez?
Hurricane's due after midnight and we're still going out?
What the fuck happened to you --
Whoever shot the Sarge blew a grenade first --
Thank God...
This place is going, Mueller. We gotta move --
We all know what you did, Pike. I don't know what kind of nigger voodoo you been working in here, but --
Where's your shirt, Mueller?
I used it to start the fire --
Goddammit, Ray, we gotta get out of here --
Cadet Michael Mueller, I hereby place you under military arrest for the murder of Sergeant Nathan West --
The fuck are you talking about --
You are to be stripped of all weapons and placed under guard --
Bullshit --
Until we return to base, and ballistics can match your weapon to the slugs in Sergeant West's body --
Tell him to shut up --
Sign here and here. Hey, ain't you the folks workin' on that whole hulabaloo from last night?
Yeah.
Funny. I swear I saw them bring him and the smaller guy in this morning.
No, no that was Cadet Dunbar --
So?
This is totally unnecessary --
He asked to see a policeman, we're getting him a policeman.
But this guy you called, he's not even Army --
He's former Army and the best I've ever seen in a room. Besides, he knows the territory, we did Basic together here. You've had three hours with Dunbar and haven't gotten a peep, we need to take a different tack.
He's not Army, it's not official --
Search parties for the others are fanning out in a ten click radius from the pickup. If they're hurt and we can get to them in time...
You think he did it?
What do you think?
You want Kendall, don't you?
You both know if you do this, if you go after a Senator's son and you're wrong... it's not just me in the hot seat anymore.
We know.
What happens to Dunbar now?
You never told me why you got kicked out of...
You motherfuckers have just made the worst mistake of your lives! You have chosen to join my Army! This Army is my mother, my father, and my little virgin sister and I will not allow anyone or anything that is not up to my standards near her pretty little virgin cooze, do you understand me -- give me a sir, yes, sir!
Sir, yes, sir!
Those who I deem unworthy to pass through this camp will quit, and those who refuse to quit I will kill. You ever hear of a training accident -- give me a sir, yes, sir!
Sir, yes, sir!
In my time I have killed sixteen men for the good of my country, sixteen men whose entrance into this Army I could not condone, as it would weaken the fabric of this nation's defense! This base suffers an average of three training accidents a year, unfortunate incidents that I will not hesitate to repeat if you cross me, understand -- give me a
Sir, yes, sir!
Some of you may have heard there's a hurricane coming! American soldiers do not wait for good weather -- they do not wait for a bright sunshiney day to do their duty! An American Soldier learns to operate in the worst conditions and turn said conditions into an advantage against their enemy! Anyone who thinks these conditions are too harsh, feel free to lay
Sir, yes, sir!
Great, great. That's fantastic.
Hey kid! Your friend just made himself a star.
See! The big guy likes it.
I just saw the woman I'm going to marry, I know it. But then I lost her.
Tough break. Most men have to get married before they lose their wives.
I'm going to spend the rest of my life looking for her. That or die alone.
Jesus, kid. Let me guess. Real pretty, blonde hair, blue hat?
Yes!
I know her uncle. Friends of the family.
Who is she? Where does she live?
What do you mean? You don't even know me.
Sure I do. You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat. You don't have a plan. You don't have a job. You don't have anything but the clothes on your back.
Someone stole my backpack.
I don't have a job, but I would have a job if you gave me one. And I may not have much, but I have more determination than any man you're ever going to meet.
Sorry, kid. I don't do charity.
Didn't kill anything, did I?
A few rabbits, but I think one of them was already dead.
I was wrong about you kid. You may not have much, but what you got, you got a lot of. You could get any girl.
Her name is Sandra Templeton. She's going to Auburn. The semester's almost over, so you better hurry.
Thank you.
Welcome to ya. What's your name?
Bloom like a flower?
Yes.
You were expecting me?
What is this place?
The town of Spectre. Best kept secret in Alabama. Says here you're from Ashton, right? Last person we had from Ashton was Norther Winslow.
The poet? What ever happened to him?
He's still here. Let me buy you a drink. I'll tell you all about it. Hell, I'll have him tell you.
Now tell me if that isn't the best pie you ever ate.
I have to leave. Tonight.
Why?
This town is everything a man could ask for. And if I were to end up here, I'd consider myself lucky. But the fact is, I'm not ready to end up anywhere.
You won't find a better place!
Or are you too scared?
I'll go in right now and get that eye.
Then do it.
Fine, I will.
Fine, you do it.
You get the eye?
I brought it.
Bloom!
Don.
What the hell are you doing? This is my girl. Mine!
Will.
Dr. Bennett. It's good to see you. My wife, Josephine.
Can I see him?
Glad to see you're not trying to have a heartfelt talk. It's one of my greatest annoyances, when people talk to those who can't hear them.
How long have you known my father?
Thirty years. Maybe more.
How would you describe him?
Did your father ever tell you about the day you were born?
A thousand times. He caught an uncatchable fish.
Not that one. The real story. Did he ever tell you that?
No.
Did you see that woman?
What did she look like?
Well, she... uh...
Yeah.
How old are you?
Eighteen.
I'm eight. That means when I'm eighteen, you'll be 28. And when I'm 28, you'll only be 38.
You're pretty good at arithmetic.
How are you gonna make it without your shoes?
Promise me you'll come back.
You must be Edward Bloom.
No one would come out here unless they had business. And no one would have business with me except for you. You're buying the town.
Apparently I've overlooked this one piece of it, and I'd like to remedy that. You see, in order for the town to be preserved, the trust must own it in its entirety.
So I've heard.
In so many words, yes.
Then I don't think so Mr. Bloom. If nothing is going to change, I'd just as soon it not change in the way it hasn't been changing all this time.
Helping people makes me happy.
I'm not convinced you should be happy.
You're Beamen's daughter. Your last name is different. You married.
I won't be selling you this house, Mr. Bloom.
It's okay, just leave it.
Lord, I'm sorry I...
Please. Go. Just go.
I'll...
Don't. Don't be embarrassed. I should never have let you think that... I am in love with my wife.
I know.
And from the moment I saw her until the moment I die, she's the only one.
Lucky girl.
Really.
Hi. How are you feeling?
I was dreaming.
Means when you dream about something that's going to happen. Like one night, I had a dream where this crow came and told me, "Your Aunt is going to die." I was so scared I woke up my parents. They told me it was just a dream, to go back to bed. But the next morning, my Aunt Stacy was dead.
That's terrible.
Because see, my mother was banging the milkman.
No, I understand.
He was buttering her rolls. Pumping her churn. Splashing milk in her box.
Stop.
Spooning the sherbet.
Can I take your picture?
You don't need a picture. Just look up handsome in the dictionary.
That's because we didn't have a wedding. Your mother-in-law was never supposed to marry me. She was engaged to somebody else.
I never knew.
Will never told you that? Probably just as well. He would have told it all wrong anyway. All the facts and none of the flavor.
Oh, so this is a tall tale?
I thought you said you didn't have a church wedding.
Is it the medicine that's making you thirsty?
There was one time when I was eleven...
You were talking about your wedding.
I didn't forget. I was just working on a tangent. See, most men, they'll tell a story straight through, and it won't be complicated, but it won't be interesting either.
I like your stories.
Hardly two stories in the whole place. Now I've heard in real cities, they've got buildings so tall you can't even see the tops of 'em.
Really?
Wouldn't lie to you. And they've got all-you-can-eat buffets. You can eat a lot, can't you?
I can.
You're just trying to get me to leave, aren't you? That's why they sent you here.
What's your name, Giant?
Karl.
Mine's Edward. And truthfully, I do want you to leave, Karl. But I want to leave with you. You think this town is too small for you, well, it's too small for a man of my ambition. I can't see staying here a day longer.
You don't like it?
Okay.
What did she say?
You know anyone's who's taken it?
You're not trying to run away?
You can see my predicament. My wedding ring, the symbol of fidelity to my wife, soon to be the mother of my child, was now lost in the gut of an uncatchable fish.
What, a father's not allowed to talk about his son?
I am a footnote in that story. I am the context for your great adventure. Which never happened! Incidentally! You were selling novelty products in Wichita the day I was born.
Jesus Christ.
Friend of yours? Did you help him out of a bind?
Come on, Will. Everyone likes that story.
The one about the witch.
Your mom says I can't tell you that one anymore. You get nightmares.
You -- -- are in for a surprise.
Am I?
Having a kid changes everything. I mean, there's the diapers and the burping and the midnight feedings...
Did you do any of that?
No, but I hear it's terrible. Then you spend years trying to corrupt and mislead this child, fill its head with nonsense and still it turns out perfectly fine.
You think I'm up for it?
People needn't worry so much. It's not my time yet. This isn't how I go.
Really.
Truly. I saw it in The Eye.
The Old Lady by the swamp.
She was a witch.
No, she was old and probably senile. Maybe schizophrenic.
I saw my death in that eye. And this is not how it happens.
So how does it happen?
There was this panhandler who used to stop me every morning when I came out of this coffee shop near the office.
Okay.
And every day I gave him a quarter. Every day. Then I got sick and was out for a couple of weeks. And when I went back there, you know what he said?
What did he say?
You owe me three-fifty.
Really.
When did you ever work in an office?
There's a lot you don't know about me.
Dad, I'm hoping we can talk about some things while I'm here.
You mean, while I'm here.
Your mother hasn't been keeping up the pool. If you wanted to you could...
I will.
You know where the chemicals are?
I thought you weren't dying.
Why not religion, Dad?
Josephine actually went to the Congo last year.
Did I ever tell you about how...
The maple tree and the Buick. We heard it.
But the real story is how I got the car. You see...
Dad?
Son?
Do you know much about icebergs, Dad?
Do I? I saw an iceberg once. They were hauling it down to Texas for drinking water, only they didn't count on an elephant being frozen inside. The woolly kind. A mammoth.
Dad!
What?
I'm trying to make a metaphor here.
Then you shouldn't have started with a question. Because people want to answer questions. You should have started with, "The thing about icebergs is..."
The thing about icebergs is you only see 10 percent of them. The other 90 percent is below the water where you can't see it. And that's what it is with you Dad. I'm only seeing this little bit that sticks above the water.
What, you're seeing down to my nose? My chin?
I have no idea who you are because you have never told me a single fact.
I've told you a thousand facts. That's all I do, Will. I tell stories.
You tell lies, Dad. You tell amusing lies. Stories are what you tell a five-year old at bedtime. They're not elaborate mythologies you maintain when your son is ten and fifteen and twenty and thirty. And the thing is, I believed you. I believed your stories so much longer than I should have. And then when I realized that everything you said was impossible
You think I'm fake.
Dad, I'm about to have a kid of my own here. It would kill me if he went through his whole life never understanding me.
What do you want, Will? Who do you want me to be?
Yourself. Good, bad, everything. Just show me who you are for once.
The river.
Tell me how it happens.
How what happens?
I can try, Dad. If you help. Just tell me how it starts.
Like this.
Let's get out of here.
Where are we headed?
You say...
It's unbelievable.
You become what you always were. A very big fish. And that's the way it happens.
I'm sorry.
Oh.
Daffodils?
They're your favorite flower.
How did you get so many?
You don't even know me.
How can I convince you to stop?
I was drying out.
Wait! I need those!
I've been working on this poem for 12 years.
Really.
This is why you don't show work in progress.
Norther, do you ever regret not making it to Paris?
I can't imagine any place better than here.
It's me. Norther Winslow.
I don't believe it!
I want you to know, when you left Spectre it opened my eyes. There was a whole life out there that I was not living. So I travelled. I saw France, and Africa, half of South America. Every day a new adventure, that's my motto.
So what are you up to now?
This is it? The whole vault.
'Fraid so.
Oh. Oh.
Hello.
Are you Jenny Hill?
How did you know my father?
Were you and my father having an affair?
Wow. Wow, you just said it. I was expecting to dance around this for another half hour.
Can I ask you a question? Why did you come here today? If you found this deed, why didn't you just ask Eddie?
Look, I don't know how much you want to know about any of this. You have one image of your father and it would be wrong for me to go and change it. Especially this late in the game.
Logically, you couldn't be the Witch, because she was old back when he was young.
No, it's logical if you think like your father. See, to him, there's only two women: your mother and everyone else.
You didn't become crazy.
Thank you. I'll bet you need to --
Yes.
I spent a week in Morocco for the story. It was incredible.
I'm going to get started on dishes.
I'm going to check on him.
I'm sorry. It seems every hour I have to...
Do you like it, being pregnant?
I do.
It's bad.
It's more than they thought. They're going to stop chemo.
You need to go.
I'm going with you.
You don't have to.
I talked with your father last night.
You never told me how your parents met.
They met at Auburn.
What about the details? How they fell in love. The Circus. The War. You never told me any of that.
That's because most of it never happened.
Mmm.
Mmm, what?
Do you love your father?
Everyone loves my father. He's a very likeable guy.
You have to understand. When I was growing up, he was gone more than he was here. And I started thinking -- maybe he has a second life somewhere else. With another house, another family. He leaves us, he goes to them. Or maybe there is no family. Maybe he never wanted a family. But whatever it is, maybe he likes that second life
But it's not true.
Look, I know why you like him. I know why everyone likes him. But I need you to tell me I'm not crazy.
You're not.
I need you on my side.
What happened?
Your father had a stroke. He's upstairs with your mom and Dr. Bennett.
How did you get here?
We swam. The Atlantic, it's not that big really.
Ruth McHibbon offered to pick you up at the airport.
We rented a car.
Is that Dr. Bennett's car?
How is he?
He's impossible. He won't eat. And because he won't eat, he gets weaker. And because he's weaker, he doesn't want to eat.
How much time does he have left?
I don't know if you've seen it, but Josephine has some photos in the most recent Newsweek.
Mom, would you say you understand Dad?
Of course.
What I mean is, do you really know what's going on in his head?
Yes.
How is that possible? I mean, you try to ask him a question and suddenly it's another one of his stories. You can't honestly say you know him.
Would you say you understand Josephine?
Yes. But that's a different...
Josephine and I have a lot in common.
Yes, you both think William Bloom is a very smart man. The problem is, you only see me as your mother, and not as someone's wife. And I've been his wife longer than I've been your mother. You can't discount that.
I know it's not easy. Just remember, he didn't choose to be your father and you didn't choose to be his son. You just ended up together. You could pick numbers out of a dark bag and it'd be just the same. If you ask me, it's a wonder parents and children can stand each other at all.
But I understand you, Mom. I always have.
Before I forget, your father has papers in the basement I'd like you to go through. I wouldn't know what's important.
Was she one of your teachers?
No. But it's weird. She seemed to recognize me.
That really happened?
Is he awake?
Mom?
Did you and Dad have any other property?
I suppose your grandmother's house when she passed on. But we sold that right away. Your cousin Shirley bought it.
So you never bought any land.
I don't suppose one of us could stay with him. In case he... In case he wakes up, one of us should be there.
I'll stay. Why don't you go home with Josephine and I'll stay tonight.
Mom, do you want some time with Dad?
You first.
Put it in the cases. Split it up. And don't forget you owe me £150.
What for?
You know what for.
No I don't.
I got you those trousers from Paul Smith.
I've been buying you stuff all week. I've been buying him stuff all week.
When we went to the Hard Rock Cafe. Who paid? When we went to see 'Cats'. Who paid?
Those aren't presents. That's normal friendship stuff
Yeah it was okay.
Yeah. It was quite good actually. Some bits I really liked.
The sets were good.
Sixty four thousand, eight hundred.
It's enough isn't it?
What do you mean?
You know what I mean babe, It's enough. We can stop.
Do you want to stop?
Yes.
What's this?
It's nothing. I burnt myself.
That's not a burn.
Do you like it?
Say thank you.
What?
A baby? What are we supposed to do with a baby?
What? What are you doing?
What. You're what? You're with this creep now.
Leave him!
You have. You've actually fallen for this prick.
This is sensitive. Your car. Lovely car. Doesn't necessarily give the right impression.
Ch...
To customers approaching the bank from the rear
Right.
You can see why it's sensitive?
Hello.
I thought you could give us the tour this morning. Sort of be our Indian Guide.
How's that? We can't drink our piss can we?
Hang on hang on, sorry, but like, who are you?
You must find some glasses, small, for the toast, and some plates.
Sorry. You've lost me...
I'm asking what you're here for.
What did he say?
I need to know who you are first please.
Oh. We are Russian.
Yes. I know.
Good.
And...
Hold on.
So hang on. You're both Nadia's cousins?
Of course not. Alexei, he's is my problem.
Right.
We better watch him. He's crazy.
Right.
No.
So?
What was that?
I asked her if you were happy to see us. I find it hard to tell with you.
So how long will you be in England?
Plans are for the architects, politicians and so forth.
You must have a visa or something...
You're asking for my documents?
She says 'Hello' to you. Go for it John!
Uh. Do you like England?
She says she has a secret to tell.
When?
"I saw you waiting there, by the gate."
I...
Binoculars.
What was that?
Oh nothing.
Tell me.
No. It is too judgmental.
Tell me what he said.
You are not ashamed of it? It's no surprise to want to love.
No. It's not that.
Do you believe in love?
I suppose it's... I mean define your terms.
How is bank?
Fine. I thought you were leaving today.
I understand. I'm so sorry
You can stay tonight.
I have brought you trouble. Maybe I should have come alone.
Put the fucking kettle down.
John.
He says you scare him so much he must go to the toilet in his trousers. John, he is a soldier. A trained killer. We must do what he says.
What did he say? Tell me!
He says you are very sad ridiculous man. I don't agree of course. And that you must pay someone to have sex like a prostitute. Nadia is a prostitute. I'm sorry.
What does he want. The Russian shithead. What do you want ?
He wants money.
He wants a lot of money.
I'll give him money. Tell him to put the...
He wants the money from your bank.
I'll fuckin' give it to him! We'll go down there.
You don't understand. He wants all the money that is in your bank.
Oh Jesus.
He is sure you can do this. Of course you can not.
Just leave her alone.
I'm so sorry.
Is that everything?
Yes.
It's about forty miles from here. I don't know if you've looked at a map, it's close to London but it's a city in itself. A Roman city. It's a nice house. I'm having a problem with ants. I uh... It's the warmer weather. I can't seem to find the nest. Sorry, do you understand "ants"?
Yes.
I just can't find a nest. The root of the problem. I've looked everywhere. What's the Russian for ant? Sorry that's a stupid... Sorry. This is strange isn't it.
Yes.
I'm pretty nervous. Are you?
Yes.
So. Is it different to how you imagined it?
Yes.
I bet. What about me? Am I how you imagined?
And how was the flight. Sorry, am I speaking too fast for you?
Do uh... Sorry. Can you follow me? Do you understand what I'm saying?
Yes.
Good. Or should I speak slower?
Yes.
Do you follow or should I speak slower?
Uh... Are you a giraffe?
Today is bath day.
I don't understand.
Syevodnya?
Syevodnya
"Frenzy".
They go. John. They go.
What's wrong?
They go.
Of course. They go. Yes. Yes.
Oh, I don't know. In my job as Deputy Assistant of New Business at the bank would have to listen to the problems of a great many individuals. This took a lot of understanding and sympathy, to try to work out solutions to their problems. But, you see, I'm not in that line of work anymore. Nowadays I'm a bank robber.
You don't understand anything.
Unless. Unless this is part of the routine. You get tied up, stick around, distract me, they both bust in and Steal My Cup Of Coffee.
It's makes it easier. Okay.
I don't want to know.
It makes it faster. If I don't speak to the men, they fall faster. It's pretty obvious why.
So what are you going to do?
I'm going to drink my coffee. Then, we're going to the police station. Where there will be lawyers, loss of job, house, humiliation, gutter press, and probably prison.
They don't blame you. When a bank employee does this they understand. You get your life back. Anyway I bet you hated that bank.
Even so I always felt the decision to burst in and rob it very much remained with me.
Why else would you send off for me? If you just wanted sex just go to a prostitute.
You must think... I'm the biggest pillock... In the world.
No I don't.
In the world.
I know you just want to punish me --
I do. I want to very badly.
So you're just going to be vindictive
In every sense. If at all possible.
You can't hurt me more than I'm hurt already.
Where's the restroom?
What?
I'm going to be sick. Where's the...
What? No you're not..
I'm going... I am... I'm going to be sick.
You don't have to do this. I can look after myself.
Have you got your passport?
What?
Shut up. Have you got your passport?
Give me some money.
What?
So, uh, Alexei, which I know isn't his name...
I don't want to talk about him.
Fine.
It's none of your business.
So uh...
Look, if you want to know is he better in bed than you then yes he is.
Oh Jesus.
If what you want to know is does he have a bigger cock than you, then yes he does.
Of course. Of course. Of course he does. Of course. Thank you. Thanks.
Not the kids type then is he? Not that broody. You must be pretty miffed.
He will come back.
Excuse me?
He left me my passport and ticket. It's pretty clear he wants to see me again.
Yeah. I tend to tie up and abandon women I really want to see again too.
I don't want to talk about it.
Why not?
Shut up. I'm not listening.
You don't want to talk about it.
No.
We'll pretend it never happened.
So. What's it like having to fuck men you hate?
I don't hate you.
Okay. Let's... Okay. Okay. You have had sex with people you don't like haven't you? For money. To make money.
And? What are you saying?
And. It's wrong.
And who says what is wrong.
And that would be Morals. That would be one's own moral sense of decency.
What's a moral orgasm John? Tell me how it feels exactly.
So. What then? You just detach sex from everything..
Whereas "Wet 'n' Wild" is an emotional journey. "Tied and Tethered". It's pretty moving huh? Like Anna Karenina.
So what? Do you just switch off in your head or do you imagine you're with him, or what?
Sometimes.
Sometimes which?
Sometimes neither.
Some... What does that mean?
There's nothing wrong in liking sex, John.
I don't like sex. I don't think I'll be having sex ever again.
Why?
Well, it's just that the thought trying to charm up an erection in front of a woman, or alone for that matter, makes me want to die.
So now you hate all women?
I think it's my safest bet, don't you?
What?
You...
I got what I paid for.
It wasn't what I wanted.
So what did you want? I think we understand each other, no?
You don't understand me.
Excuse me?
Get out
You are throwing me out.
You know, in Russia, there's no work for women. It's a different world.
You don't have to say anything
What? I... I wasn't saying...
Please, there's no... Oh.
I wasn't saying anything.
Fifteen. You don't know him. He was very kind and strong.
Yeah. He's a smashing bloke.
The rest of the world, John, it's not all like St. Albans.
Thank Christ for that.
You are pretty naive if you think it is.
I'm pretty naive? Look at you. You have to do all this, and what have you got to show for it? Nothing.
I don't have nothing.
Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?
No.
Have you had any before?
No.
Are you scared?
What happened between you and the blonde?
What?
The thin... the girl with small eyes. The one in your cupboard.
It's none of your business. She didn't have small eyes.
Did she leave you? Come on. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Who did she leave you for? Your best friend? Her boss? A woman? Did she leave you for a woman, John?
I'm sorry.
What?
I don't know why I said it. I'm sorry.
She's alive!! She is not dead?
You should stop smoking. You're pregnant. You smoke like a fucking lab dog.
I'm trying to quit.
I've got news for you. It's not working.
I smoke more these days. I smoke more when I'm unhappy.
Nobody's that unhappy.
Maybe I want to die. Don't you want me to die?
I don't want anyone to die.
Except for Small Eyes.
I don't know.
What was her name?
You know you can come under the blanket.
I've got an hour. Can I buy you a coffee?
No. I think I better just go.
Okay. Thank you.
Yeah. No thanks.
Please. Why not?
Okay. Goodbye.
Something else.
You can probably buy them on the flight.
I'm quitting. This will be my last one. So. Goodbye.
Goodbye.
You didn't deserve me John Buckingham.
Whatever.
I'm sorry.
It's not mine.
It's not mine either.
Why?
I'm not asking you to marry me.
No. What? No. I know.
It's more like a date.
It's a long way to go for a date.
What does it mean?
Hurry. I'll wait for you here.
My name's Sophia.
Is the flight full?
I'm sorry Sir. I believe the flight is closed.
You have excellent English.
Thanks.
How do you want to pay?
What are you doing?
Just wanted to see.
You know the rules. You do know the rules, don't you?
Yeah, I know.
Then start taking them seriously.
Lazarus?
Oh! Gave me a start.
I'm sorry. It's these soft shoes I wear for my back.
You hurt it?
I'm standing most of my day. They're for support. Didn't see you in church this mornin'.
Been on the crop. May need to get some extra hands if I don't want to work on Sundays.
Angela?
Yes?
I need to uh...
Go on, Laz. You can talk to me.
My little niece... she got this deep cough.
You take her to a doctor?
Is your niece older than 12?
My sister got a bad cough with her pneumonia. I just copied her prescription. You don't need to pay anything... just take it. But if she gets worse, you give me a call. I wrote my number on the box.
This gonna get you in trouble?
Thank you. Oh. My wife. She had a card here for her migraine pills. She ain't gonna be around no more... So if you...
I already tossed that out. Somethin' you should'a done to that woman long ago... how she treated you. Of course, that's none of my business.
I brung you a little basket of goodies. Fresh squash, tomatoes, some okra, butter beans.
You didn't have to do this.
Just wanted to say how much I appreciate you helping me the other day. My niece, she's cured up, and I got you to thank.
This was very sweet of you.
I bet you have loyal customers.
You liked what I brung ya?
Been eatin' like a princess all week. Even got enough for us to take a picnic under the gazebo.
That'd be nice.
I's thinkin' about singing in the choir.
At church?
Mm-hm. I don't know if I got a good voice or not but... practice is only on Mondays and Wednesdays, so...
You gonna sing me somethin'?
When? Now? Oh. No.
Hey.
Hey. You wasn't at'cha work but that nosey gal up at the counter give me your home address. Hope you don't mind me comin' over.
What do you need?
More cough syrup?
I lied to you. It was wrong. But at the time... I didn't know what to do. Imagine you got an earful from folks about that gal I's carryin'...
Laz... you don't need to explain yourself to me...
Laz. I'm gonna put my trust in you. I'm gonna do it knowin' all too well I can get hurt like this. And I have been hurt. Just like you. Woman like me, I got a lot of livin' to do. But my days are precious to me. They all I got left. Don't want no more fuss. I want love in my life.
He black alright, he just ain't blue.
Why you stop havin' dancin' on Saturday? Used to have bands... all kind's live shit. Like a wake up in here, now.
Folks can dance when they want. Didn't buy that mirror ball for nothin'.
Naw. They got some blue dye, though. You think them boots you got on come from a black cow?
Wanna get on somebody 'bout live music, get on ol' Laz, there. He the one got this place shakin' back in the day.
Hi.
Hey.
You ain't the kicker, are you?
No, ma'am.
Cuz let me tell you, you boys gotta run the ball more. You get into a kicking game, ya'll gonna lose.
Can I put it in your mouth?
And, sir... do you have a size in mind for what you're lookin' for?
That young lady's size, right'cher.
Mind I ask, what's all this business here?
These are whipped body creams. It's like a lotion.
For your hands?
Some women prefer not to scent their bodies with perfume. So now they have scented creams. They help moisturize a woman's skin. This one's my favorite. It's called Ginger Souffle. I recommend... applying the cream while the skin is still damp. So... perhaps just after a shower.
Still need a lift?
Look it. I got somethin' for us. This is gonna help, okay.
Holy shit.
Yeah.
Sit down, man. Need a beer?
Sure.
What happened?
They been keepin' a folder on me cuz of my stomach. Like how it was just before we'd play ball back in school. Thought it was just some tic I got, or ulcers like my daddy had. I can't... shoot. Target practice I'm a pro. I tag between the numbers each time but... But when there's really loud noises around me... somethin' happens. I
I can't get Rae on the phone. She's not at home... none of her friends seen her anywhere.
She's around. Always is.
I don't know. She's gettin' crazy, like she gets. Begged me not to go. Got real down. I just think somethin's happened. Like she run off with someone. You'd tell me if you knew somethin', right?
You been home yet?
Uh-uh. I's hitchin' up the interstate when I seen your truck outside.
This don't feel right. Kitchen looks just like I left it. I know, cuz I cleaned it.
She ever tell you she was thinkin' of taking off?
Ronnie. You can't see cuz you're too close to it. These nervous spells you get. You never had that shit back in school...
That's not right, really, cuz I...
And then you had to fall in love with the school slut.
Now wait...
With all she was doin'. With all the shit she kept doing! You stayed stuck to that bitch's ass and you wouldn't let go.
YOU HAD A PLAN! YOU HAD A GODDAMN LIFE! AND SHE JUST FUCKED THE GUTS OUT OF YOU!
It's not her fault, Gill. She's had to take care of me all this time, cuz I'd just start throwin' up... choking. Just losin' my grip. And she listened. She listened to me. And... I got better. I don't get nervous like I used to. And since we been together... she been faithful to me. Put all that junk behind her...
You gonna steal my truck?
It's not like I can't go out and have fun with my friends.
You think I'm Ronnie's spy or somethin'? Come tomorrow that dumb- ass gonna be halfway round the world tryin' to keep his head on his shoulders. You think he's gonna be thinkin' about you?
Jes? Jesse? Oh shit... Wait... Wait... STOP!
Thought you had a skirt earlier.
This thing you got... I've heard people say, you'd fuck a tree if it was handy. I can see that. But that nigger Tehronne. Thinks he's some player cuz he hustles dope and stolen hubcaps. I mean, I can see a tree. But that piece of shit?
I begged him. Don't see why he had to go...
The fuck you laughin' at?
Ronnie ship out this mornin'?
Nothing's gonna happen. Not like everybody over there is in the line of fire with them Arabs blowin' themselves up.
Can't be thinkin' bout him every second of my day. I'll go outta my gourd.
Why should you waste your life waitin' and wonderin'. Not like you're married.
You wanna go home?
It gets worse there. Leavin' me to my own mind. That's just not good.
Better?
Can't remember the last time I saw you in that suit.
We leavin' this weekend. Deke got a friend in Mobile gonna get him a job at the water company...
If you come to talk about that muthafucka, I'm gonna get up and leave you sittin' pretty in that new suit he bought'cha.
Think this about money still, ya old fool?
Say what you gotta say, but I ain't gonna hear you speak his name to me. Not never. You hear?
Thought we was gonna be friendly about this.
Carryin' on behind my back. Make me out to look like a fool to all our people. Tell me, what's friendly about that?
I'm not ready to grow old, Laz. Livin' with you. I feel it. Like I'm one foot in the dirt. Saw it happen to my momma. And that's not gonna happen to me. I got living to do.
Rose. Folks get sick. But you do what you can to get on the mend. Our marriage... it just got sick. That's all.
Talk to me about sick. Ain't been right since I moved into that drafty house.
I keep the heat on.
That damned, rusty, radiator, bout burned the skin off my legs each time I passed.
I deserve better than this.
Better'n me?
Better than what you give.
Rose... please...
Laz... You can't say nothin'...
If we get with a counselor. At the church, maybe they's...
God forgive you, for how you done me...
Let go...
My Daddy told me that a younger woman would bleed me dry. And that's what you did. Ya bled me.
Let go of my arm...
Would'a chopped my arm off if you asked. And this how you do me!
LAZ, I said let...!
You better pray, gal. You better pray...
YOU SHUT UP!
Careful how you point that gun, boy.
Or what? OR WHAT?
Boy? You here to make a point, or you here to kill somebody?
Ain't gonna be callin' me boy when I blow your face off.
You sayin' you'll do what?
You heard me, mother-fucker. I'll fuckin' kill..
You testing me? Huh? You testin' me, old man?
GODDAMMIT, RAE!
BOY! YOU KEEP THAT GUN POINTED AT ME! You need to kill a man, all you gotta have is a good reason. You know she been here with me, don't cha? Been all over town, givin' up that switch you thought was your own.
SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
Don't... don't say that to me...
Like a man.
Teh... Tehronne?
Nn-nn... Nn-nn... no... N'RONNIE!
Mm-mm... Mm-mm...
Take it easy now. Don't rush it.
How long... how long I been out?
You been in and out goin' on two... maybe two days.
Two days?
Where's Ronnie?
Well I don't...
I don't got any money... for fixin' me up and all.
Don't need none.
Then I better be on my way. Don't wanna put you out no more.
Think it'd be best if you stayed put while we talk.
Naw'sir... I gotta be on my way.
Let me say somethin' first...
Why you got me chained?
Way I see it, it's gonna take a while for you to get right.
The fuck you been doin' to me?
I ain't laid a hand on ya but to ease yo fever... Remember like I say, I found you in the road...
Now, no harm's come to you... and I aim to keep it that way. Ain't gonna... gonna run a train over ya... or however you call it... see... you was runnin' wild on me... these fever dreams you was havin'... these fits. I'd be chasin' you all night.
Gal, you ain't right yet.
I'm right enough to stand on my own two feet. Now take this Goddamn chain off...
How you let men treat ya like they do?
What?
These men you up under. How you let them do ya like that?
Do me? Do me like this, you mean? Like chainin' me up?
You know what I'm talkin' about. All that mess with ya teachers and... boys in the backs of trucks.
The hell you know about me?! You got no right to talk to me about that shit! The hell you think you are?
I give ya enough chain so's you can get about the house. Get you to the kitchen. You need the bathroom, it'll reach.
What do you want?
We got everything we need. Plenty of food. Ya medicine still got a few good swallows in it...
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! WHATEVER YOU GONNA DO TO ME, JUST DO IT! AND LET ME GO!
You some kind'a pervert?
No ma'am.
Some crazy Jesus freak, gonna fuck the spirit into me...
In my house, you watch that lip...
Look it, mister... you wanna have your way, you take it. I'll do whatever you want. But you gotta let me go. You can't do this! You can't KEEP ME HERE!
LET ME GO!
Now you get up! And you get in my house!
Stop it! Stop it! IT HURTS!
Wicked little bitch... gonna cut me...
No, ma'am. You stop that foolishness.
Hm-mm... Hm-mm...
I said... STOP!
You like this? Walkin' me through this field like I's your mule?
Can't sit all day on that sofa. Need to get your legs strong.
My Daddy was one of the first mens to organize soil conservation in these parts. That's a group of farmers, you know, each season they'd rotate the crop. Know why it's best to rotate em like that?
Cuz once in a while soil need a change. Corn take up a lot of nitrate in the fertilizer. So next crop what ya do is plant ya some soy beans. That give off a lot of nitrate. Change keeps it all growin' and growin' strong. Sting a bit?
Itches.
Means ya healin'. So all this farmin' make me think on Matthew. Matthew 13. The parable of the sower? Man toss seed on rock, on the wayside, some fell in thorns... you know the story?
The seed that land on good soil is for them who hear the word of God... and understand the word of God. Not enough for you to hear what I'm sayin', you gotta understand.
I know. I get it. What's Matthew doin'?
My God, gal, don't you got no SENSE? I ain't sayin' I ain't weak? Shit. Playin' guitar in the blood-bucket jukes all ya life... a nigga learn how to sin, let me tell you! I GOT SIN IN ME! I AIN'T GO'N LIE! BUT I GOT RESPECT! AND ALL YOU GOT IS BILE, GAL!
Let go of me...
Now that's sharp. That is sharp. Chain give you any trouble?
Uh-uh.
Good. Now I got the steaks on, potatoes at a boil, and biscuits ready to pop in the oven. R.L. and Lincoln out yonder grillin' up the corn. What do you know how to make?
I don't fuckin' cook.
Gal, I been around hard-cursin' folk all my life. And let me tell you...
Look it... I put the Goddamn dress on, didn't I? I think I'm handlin' myself with some... fuckin' restraint here... how you got me locked up like a dog on a...
If all you got is filth comin' out'cha mouth... people just gonna tune ya out. Rae. RAE! I'm not fightin' with ya. I just know you got more in you than junk. Now, you sayin' you don't know how to cook anything at all? You know how to boil water?
I can handle that.
They sure liked them devilled eggs.
You take it straight?
Want another?
We drinkin' buddies now?
Still makin' jokes?
If you want... I can take you back to town now.
Could you do somethin' for me?
My life is gone. Only life I was livin'. And I lost it.
I'm here with you.
Tell me what to do.
I seen a man die. He couldn't breathe... his heart was... was givin' out.
You just havin' a fit. You ain't goin' nowhere.
Oh, Laz... he hurt me. He... hurt me so many times.
No one's gonna hurt you no more.
Where you gonna be?
Right here. Be here all afternoon. You ready for this?
You took care of your wife, like you do me?
What is it?
Get'chu at that table up yonder.
By myself?
Are you drunk? Keep drinkin' water and you won't get a headache in the mornin'.
Yeah, gal I been here before.
Laz? Can I sleep with you tonight?
Don't think that'd be wise.
I didn't mean it nothin' dirty.
Sorry.
Looks like you know a song.
How you feelin' today?
You know how you feel when you come out of a bad hangover? Like your eyes can open a little bit more.
I know that.
Woke up real early. Sun was shining. Just thought I'd mess around, try to learn a song.
Go'on and sing it, I'll play.
No, you do it. I can't sing.
Stop that foolishness. Just do as I say and close your eyes. Close your eyes. And think about... well, for a song like this, I'd say you think about what you love.
What I love.
Now that's sharp. That's real sharp. Miss Ella Mae set you up, didn't she? You like it?
I've had nice things before but I always ruined 'em somehow.
I don't want you to let go.
Do you call it a game when only one man win each time? I think you call it a damn shame.
You need some weed?
Been years since I fooled with that. You know a white girl? Dirty blond hair, split down the middle like?
That ain't up to me to hook you up. Naw what I mean? She her own, you know?
Huh?
I don't pimp that. You talkin' about who I think you talkin' about, you mean Rae. Rae Doole. Sexy little split tail, like you say. I can't hook you up with that. I got two girls. One ain't in town, the other one pregnant. So... you on your own.
This Rae... you get with her?
Shit. Who hasn't?
Why you say that?
She got a spare minute she'll snatch up anyone... but me, I'm different. Sometimes she need the real deal, so she call me up. Girl got an itch. You know... what's a nigga to do?
She like it rough? You like beatin' on her?
That ain't my scene. If that's somethin' you into...
Now, hold up.
See, that girl is in my favor. You heard me, nigga? You fuck with her rough, and you got me to fuck wit.
You collar that dog, boy. I ain't gonna hurt nobody. Just wanted to know who she was.
Like I say, you wanna hook that up... I ain't in ya way. That switch of hers been all over this town. Got that sickness, you know.
What'chu sayin'?
What'chu sayin'?
She a freak. Got what you call a sexual addiction.
What'chu sayin'?
First hooked up with that bitch when she was 16. Girl was fuckin' the principal and two of her teachers. You know coach Reynolds?
Uh-huh.
He tapped that.
Naw!
You ever seen a train run on a woman?
Nuh-uh.
How a girl get like that?
It got some miles on it, but my boys say she run good. Got fresh 22's on her. Ain't my doin'. That's just how it came to me. Don't worry. Nobody gonna come lookin' for it. I got the pinks... got no problem. Ain't gonna have my girl ridin' no bus.
Don't see generosity much these days. Everything always got a catch. Guess I'm tryin' to say... thank you.
You ain't gonna make a fuss, are you? Nothing a man can do when a woman make up her mind.
I never laid a hand on her in anger. Not a day. Not even when I's drinkin'. But this business got me wonderin' what a good shake and slap would do for her.
That kind of talk is between us. Don't you go in there with that shit on your tongue.
Bojo called. Said you got to see your brother at the long end of a broken bottle.
You gonna preach 'bout turnin' the other cheek?
I think you did alright by God under the circumstances. Your people are here for you, Laz. This is your home. No shame in showing your face.
Don't know if God wanna see me.
Was that Lincoln James I seen run off?
He's fine. Just had a bad fall.
Why's his britches round his knees?
You get a call from Rose?
This ain't got nothin' to do with that woman. Just don't want nobody around me now.
Goin' dove huntin'?
You gotta go, R.L.. I ain't foolin' this time.
You ain't gonna talk me outta shit no more. I got my mind made up and I ain't gonna be moved on this.
Ain't gonna be moved?
Got no place for preachin' here. Not now. So you do as I say...
Or what?
Are you outta ya GODDAMN MIND?
Man like you ought not take the Lord's name like you just done.
A naked woman, chained in ya house?
I'm tellin' you the truth, dammit. I found her beat. Left for dead. So I brung her home.
Laz, I know about that girl. Good number of this town's sinners got my ear, you know. Oh, Laz. She's had a mess of crabs and them STD's. What'chu thinking?
I haven't laid a hand. On my life, R.L., my wick is dry on this.
You say she was beat on. You call the sheriff on that?
Put yo'self in my shoes. Say you out here, alone, with a beaten, half naked, white woman loves to fuck. I been toe to toe with the law in this town for no more than being black and nearby.
Why don't you go'on and ask her. She need to talk wit somebody with sense. Folks been ruttin' and beatin' on this gal all her days. And this is how I'm handling it.
Good. Makin' steaks for supper. I expect you to come.
You mean with you and that woman chained to ya radiator?
You treat folks special when they company. It's just supper, R.L., shit.
Pass them potatoes, Lincoln.
Y'all let me know if these steaks are too dry.
Mm. MM. Now these eggs got some kick to it. What'chu got in this?
Gotta get that chain off her, Laz. Somethin' like this gets out, you could land in a heap of trouble.
I'm dealin' with what God put before me.
You believe He wants this? A woman chained to ya radiator?
Not like that.
Then what?
The hell is this shit?
What? I called Bojo, like you say. Called up the fellas in the band...
There you go, preacher man. Get me drunk so I don't stick my foot up yo ass.
Heard about this morning.
Yeah, you know you home, old man. You just walked through the door.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Who gives this girl in marriage?
You won't at the square this mornin'.
Get me ten bags of mulch.
Keep the change on that.
What happened in there... that won't your fault. Ain't a young man alive could keep they britches on with that girl being in heat like she is.
Why she got a chain on her?
That's between her and me. It's private. And I don't want you goin' off and tellin' ya daddy.
Please don't tell my daddy.
So... That your first time?
Yes'sir.
I skipped lunch.
Thank you.
I gotta ask you. Why do you think Laz is keepin' you chained like this?
You know how, like they say, you save someone's life, you responsible for them. Guess he just don't think it's safe for me.
You a preacher?
That's right.
Can I ask you a question? People always say, you gotta get good with Jesus, if you want not to go to hell. That you say sorry for all you done and... and Jesus would let you go on to heaven.
You could put it that way.
But that's so fuckin' stupid. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to curse.
What's on your mind?
You can't hurt people... and then just say, I'm sorry, and then everything just gets washed away. Why would heaven want people like that. People who... do what they want and then... switch.
It starts like this... fire... that spreads. Starts in my head. Then moves to my stomach. Then it goes lower. I can stop it sometimes but mostly I just jump on and ride it out... then everything'll go back to normal, you know. Only thing ever took that feeling away was... was... when I met Ronnie. Cuz I love him so much. He's all
This ain't gonna work.
Rae...
I don't see why we gotta lie 'bout it when you and I know this ain't gonna work.
Rae don't do this now...
It's stupid... It's so fucking stupid!
Hey.
Hey.
I think if I just piss... I'll be okay.
You feelin' sick?
I'm just in one of my moods. You know how I get.
I think it'd be better if you talk to me.
Yeah?
Well. That's my vomit. I came in here to get sick. I thought I'd make the toilet but... anyway, I got sick.
Are you wasted?
No. I just got a messed up stomach.
Holy shit!
What?
Holy shit, Ronnie! You're a fuckin' rock star.
I'm a what?
I feel better. Do you?
Ain't been a week and you already some nigger's whore? Gill told me. Told me how you and he... you and everybody...
Ronnie. Please, baby...
Goddamn it, I ask you a question, you better answer it, or I'm gonna blast a hole in ya!
Didn't know you was workin' here now?
What happened to your face?
Got in a little accident.
Since you workin' on the square now, maybe we could get some coffee in the morning, if you want.
You need money again?
No. That's not why... Why we always gotta do this? I mean, you and me been at each other as far back as I can remember. Wasn't no love between us. And I'm your daughter. I'm the only family you got.
You never needed nobody. Always made that clear to me.
Yeah. I know I did. But... I'm tryin' to be dif'rent. I'm tryin' to... get some peace, you know?
I'm workin' here, Rae. Can you see that?
I just wanted some make-up.
I just think you should'a kept him off me, that's all.
The hell are you talkin' about?
I'm sorry... I didn't mean to shout...
All my life I been puttin' out your fires, with you givin' out your snatch to every waggin' dick in this town. And you gonna lay the blame at my feet? Well, I ain't gonna take that.
But... Momma... just tell me... not gonna be mad... we can just talk about it... Be eye to eye on this... You don't even got to say you're sorry... Just say how you knew...
You got any money?
Thought you had a man for that.
I said we wasn't gonna talk about him.
What we just did, you askin' for money, make a man stop. I ain't callin' you no ho. But I ain't gonna be played like no trick, neither. Remember... you called me.
Save that hustle talk to them field ballers you sell crack to.
What'd I tell you? I don't do none of that shit no more. I'm in communications now.
Mobile technology is the new fix for these niggaz, I'm tellin' you. I'm just lookin' ahead. Anyways, ain't no money in drugs no more with these rednecks popping cough pills like they's Skittles. Hey, that's what you need, girl. Get you some cough medicine. What, you sick?
Just a cough. Sugar and a spoonful of Jack'll do it.
Alright. How much you need, ho?
The hell you call me?
I think she got to you, pappy.
You want a popsicle, go to Good Humor. And don't call me 'pappy.'
... It's not like you were slow or anything... I think you did just fine. I think you did great.
Hey, hey, where you goin'?
Wait up. You know the guy who did the Weismuller through the window --
He works for Frank Abolofia. Atlantic City. Casinos.
What's this?
Back-up.
Get rid of it.
Why?
It's not regulation. And the only way you're gonna stop anybody with it is to show it to him, and while he's laughing, you can shove it down his throat.
Nick, let's go hunting. Bag Cavello.
... I found the goombah... Cavello. He's --
-- I should tear your head off.
Whoa, I knew you were going to say that. I absolutely anticipated that, Nick. But I said to myself, Charlie, Charlie, we can move up on this, so go find Nicklaus... He'll be pissed for a moment, but then it'll dawn on him --
What are they doing now?
Eating Scungilli, just like the last time you asked.
Who do you think the Jap is?
Maybe Cavello's buying a Subaru. How would I know?
Charlie, don't do anything. Promise me?
Frank Abolofia.
Some party.
Maybe we should do something?
What are you doing?
... Nick, you're the one that's always saying you never go anywhere.
I was thinking the Poconos, Charlie. Maybe Vegas.
What are you missing? Riding your motorcycle to the nurse's house. That shit is sadder than Ethiopia.
Beats forty hours on a plane.
I call, right? I say I got the dreaded thirty six-hour Asian shits from some raw clam and we stretch it into three days. You and I become a driving force on the local Geisha scene.
Not a prayer.
What'd you say?
Nick... You up?
Nick, have I been a good partner?
I just want you to know... I mean anybody who says you ever took has got to deal with me.
Go to sleep, Charlie.
I worked the three nine in Queens, Charlie.
I didn't know.
Givin' you a book is like givin' a baby a gun.
Hey, when in Rome --
Let's go.
Nick, we can't just --
... Detective Ich-iro Matsu-moto. Hey, we're getting Mr. Moto on our side.
Let's grab some food.
This should be it...
This the right place?
Getting very weird.
I'd feel better if we had some heat.
It's incredible. Hit him or something.
... He's a sorry old guy, but I like him.
Now that's the kind of motorcycle I want to see you on.
Sure, a rice burning crotch rocket...
Squid?
Joyce can be nice.
What'd she say?
You cool, Ich?
Cool?
What does Ichiro mean, anyway?
What does Charlie mean?
Short shift?
It's getting too cold even for me, Nick.
Connie...
All right, how's the new partner?
High spirits, desire, commitment.
You'll take care of that.
Give me a break, would you?
Are you expecting anyone?
Where do we start looking for this guy?
Where're you going, Ichiro?
"Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire." To the killer. Jerry Lee Lewis.
Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis, Dinky Doo And The Don't's. Let's book, Charlie. If he starts on Motown, we'll be here all night.
No, this is the place for the young Yakuza.
... We got to keep looking. Track him down! Great balls of fire!
Nick!
Give us a break...
It's Ichiro. Ich.
You know, Inspector, you take shit once, you take shit forever.
I don't deserve Ohashi's respect.
Why the hell not?
What happened?
It may be too soon to talk about it. When someone we care for dies we... ... keep something of their's. A tie, a pen.
Why weren't you at the platform?
You must leave?
Yeah...
I've continued working on the case!
How'd you get this?
Know her?
We can ask someone I used to work with. A criminal. Someone I pay money to...
What's he saying?
Nick, no one's seen Kobo in three days. He might not even be in Tokyo.
You said you could keep up with her! 'No problem, Nick-san.'
No. Don't say anything. Don't do anything, and for Christ's sake, don't apologize!
What'd I tell you?
Did I say that?
You toler -- yes, tolerate me.
You're doing fine, Ich. Now drop it, okay?
Nick...
Work, lunch, groceries, laundry... Fabulous...
Chikuwa, Hampen, Kobu, Konnayaku, Ganmodoki --
Ichiro --
Broiled fish paste cake, Kelp roll, soybean curd, devils tongue --
Yakuza.
She disappeared... shit!
You can't come in. They don't want --
Gaiijin.
If I smell one drop of Scotch on your breath, my friend --
I'm not drunk...
We're through. I mean it. This is the end of the line, Matsumoto.
Nick --
... A Godfather. His man was killed at the printing plant.
I want to yank Kobo.
Ich, my name is Nick. Not Nicklaus, not Nicklaus-san, not Nick-san. Nick.
Nick!
Where does this Sugai live?
A resort city, Beppu.
I want to go talk to him.
What...? Why?
Because he knows how to get to our man.
He'll never speak to a Gaiijin.
It's very small.
Big enough.
It's illegal, Nick.
It's a new deal. ... coming with me tomorrow?
What's in the box?
For Sugai. Caviar, French cheese, ham... If you come to apologize for interrupting his meeting, Sugai may feel obligated to see you.
No...
Let's go. Him first.
Nick, you can't do this.
Grab the keys, Ich, and get inside.
No.
Start it.
Just one, compadre... Kampai.
You did great, Ichiro.
I was ready to have your ass for taking off on me.
I followed them. An hour from the train station.
How many men?
I couldn't tell.
Joyce?
I don't know.
Someone attacked him.
Thank you. You have one?
A wife. She left.
I'm sorry.
What's that for?
You know, Nick, we can't lose.
Why's that?
You all right?
Yes...
Louder, pal, louder.
Think we'll get him, Nick?
We can't lose.
Don't give him any more.
Ich said you left.
Dead gaiijin's are big news.
Gaiijin?
An outside person. A foreigner. A barbarian. You, me. More you.
I could use some help. Show me around. I'll pay you for your time.
You can count on the truth from people who don't like you.
You have a helluva way of asking for help.
Look, you need Ich. I've been here five years and I still can't read all the street signs.
Maybe I'm a quicker learner.
She ever pull down her shades?
Don't be an ass.
He's on duty.
You know where I can get a decent cup of coffee this time of night? I'm buying.
I need your help, Joyce.
Where's Ich?
I've heard of Sugai. I've also heard of the emperor. They're both national treasures. One's a hood.
I need someone to translate for me.
My Japanese isn't that hot... Besides, you'll never get in.
It's my last shot. I have to be on a plane home tomorrow night.
And I'm supposed to care?
You're wrong to sell Ich short.
He drinks.
Where's the wife?
I'd invite you up but I know you'd hate the incense. I chant.
What do you chant?
'Nam oyo ranged kyo.' You think it's dumb of course.
Not if it works. I'll meet you at the train?
I don't remember saying yes.
They want your autograph.
Who am I supposed to be?
This little guy thinks you're Robert Redford... the other one thinks you're Charles Bronson...
We're in?
You'll get Ich killed.
No one's keeping him here.
Bullshit, Nick. And don't tell me this is all just about Charlie. It's not.
I still think you're a bastard.
What if I chant?
Can't make you change your mind?
Last time you asked me to come along I nearly got a hole in my head.
Might be different in New York.
Maybe. If I come visit, we can find out.
Keep the change.
Ugly... A couple of thousand years they've been bound by these little rules. Looking in. Always afraid. Ugly little lives...
Save it, I already took the tour.
I like your friend, Joyce. You're lucky.
Guess I'm on a roll.
She's such a long way home for you.
This is my stop.
I'm amused.
Sugai won't give it to me, you know that.
How big a package we talking about?
This by this...
Dope?
Not in that company.
One guy do all the damage?
Yeah.
Doesn't speak a word of English. And he won't speak Japanese either. No papers. The Japanese embassy is very interested.
Why?
He's wanted in Japan. They want him first. Then we can have him.
You and Charlie are taking the Jap home, tonight.
What...? What if I say no?
Check your gun before you leave. They're not allowed in Japan. It's a nice, safe country.
Why me?
It's not your job.
He was my partner.
They're blaming it on you. Christ, Conklin, you didn't even tell me you lost the prisoner!
I planned on catching him, Captain.
How? You don't know the place. You don't know the language. Get on the plane.
He killed a police officer.
... Remember, counterfeiting is the Feds. They'll be all over Abolofia's place. Stick tight. You I.D. the other plate, he does real time.
You lost a man we wanted for some time. It was very incompetent on your part, officer.
I want a gun.
It is not allowed.
We're police officers.
You're foreigners.
Hey, inspector, I don't intend to take the rap for this.
Could you fill me in?
Because I want you to tell me.
The young are eating the old, something that usually doesn't happen here.
What's this?
Your visa has expired. Be on a plane in twenty-four hours or you will be deported.
While you were hanging out at the visa office, we found the son-of-a- bitch.
Hey...! HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU, INSPECTOR!
Your plane leaves at six. Two officers will escort you.
For God's sake, Ohashi, I need your help. Let me out of here!
You had my help, detective.
If anything happens to her while I'm here --
-- Do you know where she is, detective? Do you know how to find her? Even where to start? We will find them.
I have to get to Sugai.
Seven years work by the finest engraver. Mass produced, sequentially numbered. The best there has ever been, Mr. Conklin.
I'm impressed. But let's use the short form. I'm looking for --
I took Kobo from the street. I gave him a home, a future... But my ways were too slow for him... I served seven years in prison for my boss when I was a young man. Kobo wouldn't serve seven minutes for his Oyabun. He was supposed to take over this syndicate when I retired.
I want him.
Our associates in New York were close to closing a deal with us.
The families who control the casinos?
Imagine if your families could pay their gambling and drug debts with perfect counterfeit bought for cents on the dollar.
The Feds would be onto you in a month.
Why tell me this?
The other plate is currently in New York, in the hands of Kobo's man. Find it for me.
You trust me?
With these?
Swiss bank deposit. Gold bullion. Whatever you want. You know the city and the police.
If I say no?
You're smarter than Kobo. You know the price of deceit. Think about it.
Good.
That wasn't our deal.
You want him dead too.
Can't thank you enough, Mr. Sebastian. If you hadn't come along...
We're not used to the big city. Where we come from it's not so easy to get lost.
You certainly have a nice place here.
He knows what he's doing.
If he won't cooperate?
I'm sure glad you found us, Sebastian. What do you think, Mary?
I don't think there is another human being in this whole world who would have helped us.
Let's go while there is still time.
Where?
What's the point?
Not to be trapped.
One man. He must be good.
Then go get him.
The name is Batty. Roy Batty.
Yeah. It might be better if we talk in private, Sebastian. Why don't you go home.
I'm surprised you didn't come to me sooner.
It's not an easy thing to meet your maker.
And what can he do for you?
Can the maker repair what he makes?
Would you like to be modified?
Had in mind something a little more radical.
What's the problem?
Death.
I want more life, fucker.
The facts of life. I'll be blunt. To make an alteration in the evolvement of an organic life system, at least by men, makers or not, it fatal. A coding sequence can't be revised once it's established.
Why?
Because by the second day of incubation any cells that have undergone reversion mutation give rise to revertant colonies -- like rats leaving a sinking ship. The ship sinks.
What about E.M.S. recombination?
Then a repressor protein that blocks the operating cells.
Wouldn't obstruct replication, but it does give rise to an error in replication, so that the newly formed DNA strand carries a mutation and you're got a virus again... but all this is academic -- you are made as good as we could make you.
But not to last.
Also you're too valuable to experiment with.
I've done some questionable things.
Also extraordinary things.
I like a man who stays put. An admirable thing to be able to sustain yourself in these times. You live here all by yourself, do you?
How about breakfast, I was just going to make some.
If it wouldn't be too much of a bother... a little bite to eat would be...
Oh, no bother, I'd be glad to.
Why are you staring at us?
What, Sebastian?
What generation are you?
Show me something?
Like what?
We have a lot in common.
You mean that you can't come here and I can't go there?
Not only that, but we have smiliar problems. Accelerated decrepitude. But we don't want to die quite yet.
Of course not.
You could help us.
I don't know much about biomechanics, Roy. I wish I did, but you're out of my league.
What about your friend, the man who owns this building?
He's not really my friend. I just do a job for him now and then.
Tyrell could help us, Sebastian.
He could?
His company made us.
I'd be happy to mention it to him.
Be better if I could talk to him in person. But he's not an easy man to get to.
No.
When do you deliver your project?
You're our best and only friend.
Where are you going, Sebastian?
Just thought I'd...
What's going on down there?
He's not ready yet.
When?
This is my Uncle Roy, Sebastian.
Then we're stupid and we'll die.
I think, therefore I am.
I want to do it.
Six, huh?
Five. Three nights ago one of them managed to break into the Tyrell Corporation. Killed two guards and got as far as the Genetic Sector before he got fried going through an electro- field.
What was he after?
You got a machine on it yet?
We're using Esper -- a 231 -- that picked up Holden's alarm. Its guess is that all five are in the city.
The Tyrell Corporation has a demo model. Check it out on the Voight-Kampff. There's a chance the Nexus-6 is beyond out ability to detect. If that's the case, everybody's up shit creek.
What was the cover on the one that got Holden?
Industrial refuse.
Yeah.
Bryant here. Regarding the rundown you requested on job applicants, Esper's concluded that the only irregular category that Tyrell's got is the entertainment section. You better get on it.
I was just about to have my dinner.
She was gonna get away.
I didn't like her.
Look, go home. Get some rest. Take an aspirin.
Yeah.
This is Bryant. Are you alone?
Yeah.
She's not with you?
Take a number. Canapt 1700, tenth floor, Villa Vita District, Olympia South.
Got it.
If you don't, we will. It has to be total, Deckard. That's an order from as high as it comes. Got it?
Yeah. I got it.
It's gotta be right for my customer.
Well, when do you get paid?
Soon as I finish the job.
When might that be?
Day after tomorrow.
Machines can be helpful sometimes, but they can also be a pain in the ass. Ask for a trace on a forger and you might wind up at a steel- mill. I don't mind a bum-steer once in a while -- it's their personalities that usually get me. Somebody once said that man makes machines in his own image. If that's true, whoever made
You equipped for random questions?
Why, yes, of course.
You start.
The five in question are third generation Nexus Sixes, constructed of skin-flesh culture, selected enogenic transfer conversion capable of self-perpetuating thought, para-physical abilities and developed for emigration program. Are you with me?
How do I stop one?
Unlike a five, they can sustain massive traumas to several parts of the body without debilitating another. Sever a leg and it will perform quicker on the remaining leg than the fastest man can run,
Okay, but...
Here's something you might find interesting. They have been built to emulate the human in every way except in its emotional spectrum. However, after a period of time it is only logical that such a 'mechanism' would create its own emotional responses, hate, love, fear, anger, envy.
I know all that.
What about a summary then.
Yes?
Do you have something against science?
Not if it works.
And what in your estimation works?
Four years. Which would make her termination date...
Never mind. Do they have that knowledge?
Okay, gimme a run-down on the three females.
Nexus designated Mary: incept November 1 2017, domestic conditioning non competitive, trained for day care position.
Next.
Nexus designated Pris: incept data December 13 2017, competitive, programmed to provide pleasure for long term spacers.
Number three.
I think I have no money.
It's okay. Forget it.
But I would like to buy you drink.
I'll but you one. What'll you have?
Vodka!
Shot of vodka, please.
Thank you very much.
Prosit.
You want to see my friends?
Sorry, don't have the time.
Those cockroaches?
How long you had these guys?
Prosit.
You like to kiss her goodbye.
I like you.
I like you too.
One more, eh?
How old am I?
My birthday is April 10, 2015. How long do I live?
I'm great. I mean, I know I'm not really great, but I feel just great. How you like my new suit?
Don't make me laugh. It makes me pee.
Sorry.
Hey, it's okay. I like to pee. So how are you doing?
I'm doing okay.
From what I hear you're doing great. Bryant tells me you're going like a god damn one-man army. Making a lot of money, huh?
Yeah. But that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Money?
No. I got a problem.
Let's hear it.
What's that?
Love is just another name for sex. Love is sexy and sex is lovely -- I don't care what you call it, an android can't have it.
These aren't just...
Nerves of steel.
No rust?
I didn't say that. Your motivity rate checked out a little slower than last time.
Meaning?
During the road test...
Yeah?
Your mind kept wandering. That bothered me.
Huh huh.
Considering the nature of your work, that could be unhealthy.
But you haven't put in for emigration.
Nope.
You're going to be over the limit.
Listen, I could make you a long list of complaints about this fucken city but I still rather be here than up there.
What if you change your mind?
They'll change the limit before I change my mind.
You sure?
Why didn't you go?
Too old.
My job is here.
Taffey Lewis?
Yes?
I'd like you to take a look at these pictures.
You see I lost my contacts a couple of days ago around here somewhere and my sight is a little... What am I supposed to be looking for?
This one looks familiar, but I don't know. Naw. There's one came in today looks a little like this one but...
What did she want?
Who?
The girl that doesn't look like that girl.
Nothing. She wanted to know about suck night.
What night?
I didn't know if I wanted to handle her -- I already got a snake act. But my partner goes down there to the Opera House on suck night to book the good ones.
What's suck night?
That's what we call in the trade, audition free-for- alls and most of it sucks. Bit I don't think that's her.
Book the good ones for where?
Lots of places. The tours, the clubs, the Silicone shows, private parties.
What shows?
Yeah?
There's been reports of management sexually abusing the artists in this place.
I don't know nothing about it.
How do you mean 'exploited'?
Like to get this position. Did you or were you asked to do anything lewd or unsavory or otherwise repulsive to your person?
Are you for real?
Oh, yeah. You'd be surprised what goes on around here. I'd like to check the dressing room if I could.
What the fuck for?
It that mother real?
Of course he's not real. You think I'd be working here if I could afford a real snake?
It's a good job.
The best.
Does it eat?
Jeezus!
Sorry.
You'd be surprised what a guy'll go through to get a glimpse of a beautiful body.
I bet I would.
Me.
It seems your department doesn't believe out new unit is to the public benefit.
A humanoid robot is like any other machine, it can be a benefit or a hazard. If it's a benefit, it's not our problem.
It's artificial?
Are you apprehensive?
Why should I be?
I wouldn't accept it. Also, I'd report the person who gave it to me to the police.
I'd take him to the doctor.
You're watching T.V. and suddenly you notice a wasp crawling on your wrist.
In a magazine you come across a full-page photo of a nude girl.
Is this testing whether I'm an android or a lesbian?
You become pregnant by a man who runs off with your best friend, and you decide to get an abortion.
I'd never get an abortion.
Why not?
That would be murder, Mr. Deckard.
In your opinion.
It would be my child.
Last question. You're watching an old movie. It shows a banquet in progress, the guests are enjoying raw oysters.
Is there anything else?
I know you think it complicates your work, but I'm here to help.
I've already got more help than I need.
There's two reasons a man rejects help. Either because he's so good at what he does he doesn't think he needs it, or he's so insecure he can't admit it.
Sounds like I'm an ass-hole either way, but the answer is still no.
Two of us might be more effective than one.
You use your equipment, don't you?
So?
Do I make you nervous?
Yeah.
I can imagine.
They probably want to find out when they were made.
Don't just stand there looking at me. It's not polite.
What do you want me to do?
You ever take a bath with a man before?
I told you I'd come back.
You did?
Who is this?
Me and my dad.
Where is he?
Dead.
How come you're not on the job?
I am. Part of my job is to sit on a couch and try and figure things out.
How are you doing?
What do people do in the afternoon?
Do you dream?
Yeah. Sometimes.
Did you cry when your father died?
Yeah.
Nobody is freer than when he dreams. I read that.
It wasn't very good last night, was it?
I don't know, I have nothing to compare it to. I guess I thought there was something more to it.
What?
I don't know... I think I missed something.
Like?
When was the last time you cleaned this place?
Hmmm?
Have you ever cleaned your apartment?
Don't be fooled by appearances.
They could clean around the arrangement.
But if I don't plug it in how can I...
Never mind the plug, just go through the motions.
But then how can you...
This feels stupid.
You're sick, Deckard.
Have you ever known anybody a long time?
You mean a woman?
Uh-huh.
What's a long time?
Ten years.
Why do you call it retire, why don't you call it murder?
Because it's not.
Don't you think anything that can suffer deserves to be considered?
Andies only simulate suffering -- if they're programmed for it.
Do you think I simulated what happened between us?
Don't leave here. Don't open the door, don't answer the phone.
What difference will it make?
You know what I think?
What?
Where the hell you been?
You know where I been. I been on vacation.
Next time you go on vacation, do me a favor, let us know where it is.
What's up?
Bad?
Severed spine. You'd better get in here. Bryant's waiting for you.
Thanks.
Black?
Is this to be an empathy test?
Yes.
May I ask a personal question?
Go ahead.
Have you ever retired a human by mistake?
No.
But in your profession that is a risk.
Nothing is infallible, but so far the Voight-Kampff scale bas been foolproof.
Like you said, Mr. Deckard, a machine can be a hazard. The Voight-Kampff scale is a machine, isn't it?
One that relies on human interpretation. Where's the subject?
Well?
If she is, the machine works.
How many questions did it take?
She didn't know?
How many questions does it usually take, Mr. Deckard?
And how is it one man will be able to cover so much ground?
Discreetly.
Let's keep our eyes on the road, Deckard.
We're going to have to start the sequence again if you don't stay with me, Deckard. Concentrate.
How do you know I'm not?
You're not responding to the stimulus. I can see right here, I'm not getting a reading.
I'm tired of this.
I kinda get nervous when I take tests.
Don't move.
Already had I.Q. test this year -- but I don't think I never had a...
You're in a desert, walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down and see a...
What?
What desert?
Doesn't make any difference what desert -- it's completely hypothetical.
But how come I'd be there?
Maybe you're fed up, maybe you want to be by yourself -- who knows. So you look down and see a tortoise. It's crawling towards you...
A tortoise. What's that?
Know what a turtle is?
Of course.
Same thing.
But I understand what you mean.
Whatcha mean, I'm not helping?
How come you were in my truck?
What's your name?
Pris.
Mine's J.F. Sebastian.
You want to go home?
I don't have one.
Where are your folks?
They left.
What about friends?
We scared each other pretty good didn't we?
I'm hungry, J.F.
I've got stuff. If you wanna go to my place?
Whatcha doin'?
You look... better.
Just better.
Beautiful.
And you live in this building all by yourself?
Twenty.
Methuselah Syndrome.
What's that?
My glands. They grow old too fast.
Is that why you're still here?
Ah, you get hold of your friends?
As a matter of fact I did. They've got some work to do tonight, but they're gonna come tomorrow.
Sebastian doesn't like to go out too much.
What makes you think so?
Hi!
Yes?
Oh, now, that's a great one!
You like it?
Bravo!
This is my new friend...
I'm Adam Webber.
We work on Rodeo Drive. But we're both professional dancers.
You're kidding!
No, I'm not! My mom taught me.
Your mom was a dancer?
She is a dancer! And a lovely one! You would like her very much! Shall we dance?
I'm Nina Aron, Adam.
How do you do?
Very well, thank you. I'm with the County Family Services Department. Eve tells me you've been living in a bomb shelter most of your life.
Fallout shelter. There's a difference.
We want you to come with us so we can talk some more about your experiences.
Come where?
My office.
For how long?
Well, that depends...
Let's go talk first, Adam.
The key to my hotel room! I want you to have my baseball cards! And please be sure to pay my bill!
How do you do?
But I do miss that green sport coat of yours.
Thank you very much. But, Cliff, that's my seat. And I was just--
Please excuse this interruption.
Eve, I don't mean to be rude, and please excuse me Cliff, but Eve, isn't Cliff just a butt with hair?
What?!
I'm sorry, and legs. Legs, butt and hair. Well, isn't he? And shallow, as well?
Cliff, I must warn you. I know how to defend myself.
Maybe we shouldn't fight at all. Fighting is pretty immature.
It certainly is. I agree with you completely.
Bon soir, mademoiselle!
Are you French?
No. I'm from out of town. I'm here on business.
Get out of here!
Come on, Heathcliff, I'll walk you to the corner.
Where are we going?
We? I'm going home. And, judging by that coat, I'd say you have to get back to the barber college.
No, I'm lost.
You're lost?
Say,...did you just lose your job because of me?
Forget it. I'm sick of working for that dickhead.
Dickhead?
What's wrong with you?
I just had a mental picture of...
I came on a bus.
Why doesn't that surprise me?
Well, I guess because I'm a little psychic...I have this thing.
Oh, that's nice.
So far?
Yes, I'm right?
Right.
I knew it! So anyhow, you get on a bus and before you know it, you're out here in the San Fernando Valley without a clue. Which brings us to here. Correct again?
Again.
Where are you staying? The Holiday Inn?
Yes! Yes! The Holiday Inn! That's exactly right!
See? I'm psychic. Not completely, but pretty much. That was pretty good, wasn't it?!
It was amazing.
Yeah. Thanks. Anyhow, let me predict a bus for you to get on.
Do you own a car?
I'm not taking you there, Sweetie. Rule Number One in North America: No strangers in the car.
If it will make you feel any better, I don't have a gun.
You don't?
Nope.
I'm sorry! I said something wrong, didn't I! Please forgive me!
Wait! Please wait! I'll make a deal with you! I'll give you a Rogers Hornsby, if you'll take me to the hotel!
Rogers Hornsby?!?
Rogers Hornsby's worth like four thousand dollars!
So for four thousand dollars, all I have to do is drive you to your hotel?
Yes.
And that's it?
Yes.
I don't have to take a physical in your space ship?
Heck, no! What?!
So...Mister Andretti, your first time on the freeway?
It's Webber. Adam Webber.
Wait! Wait!
What is it?!
It's Perry!
Perry?
Perry Como! You had him! Go back! Go back!
How's that?
Oh, I could die...
Over this?
Yeah! Listen to this part. This is where it really takes off!
Hey, what are you doing?!
Gee-zooie!! You better slow down!!!
That was...wonderful! I've never felt anything like that in my life.
Yeah, same here. Don't forget your suitcase.
I am so glad to see you!! I thought I'd never see you again!
Okay, down boy. I can't take this for driving you home. I wish I could, but I can't. So here, take it back. I could have just left it for you at the desk, but it's very valuable. Now take it.
I can't, it's yours.
Take it. damn it!
Why are you doing that?
I haven't brushed yet.
Wait, Eve, please! Wait.
I knew this would happen! You're like a lost puppy!
Can't you please just talk to me for one second?
Troy? Is he your husband? Or a boyfriend?
No.
Thank-Q!
Oh, stop that! God! Listen, I know you like me. I can tell. But you know what? A lot of guys like me. Not me, exactly. It's more like the legs or the butt or the hair. Or some combination of the above.
I think it's the eyes.
The eyes. Okay. An eye-man. Anyhow, it never works out. Okay? Not that you even need to know that! You look like crap, by the way. What have you been doing?
Watching television in color.
Hey, no kidding? In color?
See, ya.
Why doesn't it never work out?
What?
Why does it never work out? You and...men?
...Okay.
It never works out because I'm into legs and butts and hair myself! That's why! So I wind up with guys who are very good looking, but even more shallow than I am, if you can picture that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find another low-paying, demeaning job where some guy named Jerry keeps telling me how lousy his marriage
Why not go to work for me?
Doing what?
Selling all my baseball cards. And helping me buy enough food and supplies to fill several large trucks.
Well, they're not starving yet, but they need help.
How long would you need me?
Two weeks.
What's the pay?
What's fair?
You got it! Wait here while I change.
Why not buy them milk or something-- instead of Dr. Pepper?
They like Dr. Pepper.
Who are these people?
My Mom and Dad.
Very funny, smart ass.
Wait! Wait!
Well, another day, another dollar. Stop staring at me!!
Pick you up at eight tomorrow morning.
Hey, you know. I was thinking...
We'll have to rent a refrigerated truck for the beef and poultry.
It's your life. And, by the way, it's a dandy.
I guess we'll need another locker.
No problem. We'll just sell another baseball card.
Thank you.
And, um ...I guess... I guess you and I, uh...
Adam? Don't even think about it. Okay? I'm sorry. I know that sounds mean, but believe me, it would be meaner if I didn't say it. Okay?
Okay.
There's something else I would like you to help me with.
Name it.
Well, this is going to sound a little crazy.
Oh, I'm sure it will!
Then forget it.
No, no! I'm sorry! What is it?
This is for me.
Well... Okay. I would like you to help me find a...wife.
A wife?
Yes.
What for?
Because I want to get married.
Why?!
I don't want to be alone.
You can be single and not alone. Marriage bites!
Bites what?
The big one!
It does?
Sure.
I didn't know that.
Everybody knows that. Ask my divorced sisters. Or ask my divorced mom and dad.
They're all divorced?
Everybody's divorced.
It didn't used to be that way.
I wouldn't know. What kind of wife are you looking for?
One who's not a mutant.
No dogs, huh? Okay.
When do you need her by?
Two weeks.
Well, I could probably get you laid in two weeks, but to locate a non-mutant wife from Pasadena...that could take some time.
Could we talk about that a little later?
Of course.
Get out!
Now, get out!!
Yes, ma'am!
Stop that ma'am crap!
You almost got us killed!
I told you I've never driven before!
Never drive again!
You said it would be easy!
I was wrong!!
Is this your house?
Yes!
Why, thank you! Very nice to have met you, Cliff! May I ask you a question?
He's a former boyfriend. We lived together for about six months. And yes, I'll admit it. I've still kind of got a thing for him. That's what you wanted to know, isn't it?
Actually,no. I was wondering why Cliff likes to wear another man's underpants.
Here you go. One champagne cocktail.
Thank-Q!
I thought only hookers drank those things.
Okay, let's see...I'm not promising anything. You okay?
Um-hum.
I'm seeing...snow... lots of snow. Way up North. Are we getting hot?
Yes!
You live in...Alaska. The only way in or out of your place is by plane and... you've definitely come down here for food and supplies and... to find a wife!
Yeah, right! That's where you'd go to find girls! Nome. He's gay, by the way.
Where's he gone?
He's gone to check your answers on his computer.
He has a computer?
Sure.
In the house?
No. We keep it in the backyard. Of course, in the house. It's in there.
May I please be excused?
All right.
The what?
The guy with the underpants!
About clothing?
Yeah.
What about holding your right arm up like that all the time?
He's going to kill himself. Go skate out on the bike path! It's that way!
Hey, Eve!
Have you ever heard the saying, "He hasn't got enough sense to come in out of the rain?"
Yep. You know, my father -- who is a scientist -- says that everything is a miracle. Everything. Until recently I wasn 't sure what he meant by that.
Yeah? No kidding. Listen, you still want to go girl hunting tonight?
I certainly do!
Okay. But you know, this business of finding you a wife -- it's kind of ridiculous, don't you think?
No it's not!
Yes it is. A girlfriend maybe. But a wife? I mean...
Then just help me find a girlfriend! That's all I ask. I'll give you every single card I've got left!
Hey, screw you! Okay? You think I'm just somebody you can buy off! Listen, let me tell you something--
Would you do it just because you're my friend? My very best friend.
My goodness gracious! This place is something!
No! Not crazy!
Do I look crazy?
Quit showing off! We're here on business!
I thought I was here to meet women.
Not that one!
I like her.
What have you ordered?
What about her?
No way.
Why?! I think she's very attractive.
Adam! She's got bitch written all over her! You do know what "bitch" means, don't you?
Yes, I have a dictionary. But I can't understand for the life of me why you would call her that! Or why Cliff would say that about you.
Because we're bitches! Look at her! Look at the expression on her face! The walk, the jewelry, the fingernails. Please!
Okay. I like that.
Yeah, sweet. That's a nice way of putting it.
Really?
That's ridiculous.
Yeah. Could be. Go say hello, Romeo. Looks like a healthy non-mutant to me.
Okay. All right. And what do I say?
What?
Romeo and Juliet. I cried at the end.
You wanted to see me!
You're not from Alaska! Where'd you learn to dance like that?! And there are no starving people, are there?!
Why are you suddenly so mad at me?
Don't change the subject! I want you to tell me the truth about yourself.
I've never lied to you. I've maybe let you believe things that you wanted to believe, but I've never lied.
You think I'm some sort of sap?! Don't you?!
No. I admire you. I...I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I did. I think that you are the most--
I want to know exactly who you are and what you're really up to!
Adam?!
I don't blame you!
I'm leaving, too.
But, Eve, I would--
Eve?!
Scare me, why don't you?!!? You stupid son of a bitch!!!
I'm really sorry!
What in the hell are you doing here!! You're supposed to be over on San Vicente Boulevard having unsafe sex with that slut Sophie!!
I know...and I'm really sorry.
Well, you should be! Thanks to you, my heart is in my neck!
What?
Eve, if you'll let me, I can --
Look! I'm limping! How attractive is that?! What if this is for life?!
I know first aid!
There.
I went to Sophie's and she was very hospitable.
Is that what you call it?
But it just wasn't where I wanted to be so I left as politely as I could and found a taxi. But I asked the driver to drop me here instead of at the hotel. There's a song Mister Como sings called "On the Street Where You Live." You know it?
Sing it to me.
Adam...dumb question, but humor me. Have you ever had sex before?
Uh-huh. Adam?
Yes, Eve?
I want you to go back to the hotel now. I'll call you a cab.
That's right. And I'll see you in the morning in the lobby. Do you mind waiting outside for the taxi?
Not at all. And Eve thank you for tonight...and for the kiss. My first.
My pleasure.
It was at least as good as the sky.
Really? Okay!
And I think better than the ocean. I'm serious!
Hi, Eve!
Adam....you should go with Dr. Aron. It's the best thing. The best thing for you. I promise.
...All right, Eve. If you say so.
...I do.
No.
See! I can't tell them that! I can't ever let them know. It makes their life..well, frankly... a joke. I can't let that happen. You understand?
We can make this work, Adam! Believe me! I'm very good at making things work!
Is that a birthday cake?!
Yes, it is.
Is this because of the radiation?
What?
Good evening. I want to stay at this hotel.
Fill this out please. And I'll need a card.
A card?
Yes, sir.
Are you all right?
Yes! Yes! Oh, Lord! Yes, oh, yes! But where is the one who came last night -- all in yellow?!
All in yellow? Oh! That was my father!
Ooooohhhh!! Of course! The father! Forgive me!! Can you forgive me for my wasted life?! Everything has been so awful!!
I know it has been terrible. But it wasn't your fault. And now all the decay is over with and things are going to get better. You understand?
Yes.
I've got to go, now.
Of course you do. I'll stay here and pray.
That's always a good idea! Would you like some money? I have a great deal of it.
No. I don't need money anymore -- I see that now.
How do I leave here?
The front door is open. Will you be back?
I've got almost everything we need! And this nice man...
This is what money looks like. It comes like this, in coin, or like this in paper. Or you can have an "investment." These are stock "certificates" that we bought in your name. Of course, they're worthless now, but at one time they were quite valuable.
They're pretty. Can I have them?
Sure. Now, let's move on to our French exam.
Latin exam, Dad. It's Tuesday.
You're right! It's Tuesday already! By gosh, time flies, doesn't it?!
Tempus fugit!
En arte voluptus. Que les bons temps roulÈ!
Gerade aus dann links!
Sorgen sie bitte dafur das die gepack sorgfaltic behandeldt warren!
Haben sie etuas nettes in leder?!
These are wonderful.
It's my entire baseball collection. It's yours now.
What's baseball?
It's a game, son. I can explain it pretty easily. There's a pitcher.
Like a painting?
No, son. A pitcher.
Like one of Mom's?
Uh, no. There's a man who throws the ball -- to a man who has a bat.
The nocturnal flying mammal?
No, no! The runner on second goes to third! He's out there!
Why?
Because he's forced out at third! It's a force!
Then why go there?
Thank you, Mom! Thanks, Dad!
Oh, boy! A jacket!
Your mom made that all by herself.
Holy Cow! What the heck are these?!
Your roller-skates! I redesigned them! I think this new design will work even better!
Well, do we just go on up?!
Helen-Thomas-Webber! Maybe we have been down here a little too long! Please excuse her French.
C'est bon, Monsieur.
Adam...don't forget...don't forget ...
Yes, father?! Yes?
...the pipe tobacco.
Also...stay out of the "Adult Bookstore."
Adult Bookstore. Why?
Poison gas. Invisible. Don't forget.
I promise. Is that all?
One more thing. If you find a healthy young woman, bring her back with you.
But, I don't understand.
And, I'm asking you to trust me without understanding why.
This is great son, just great. By the way, Eve's last name. Rus-to-kov, that's not Russian, is it?
It's Ukrainian. Her grandparents immigrated here.
Uh-huh.
Dad, I don't know how to tell you this. And I was going to wait a while, but I think...Dad,there was no bomb. A plane crashed into our backyard. I looked it up in old newspapers.
You're sure?
Positive. The Soviet Union collapsed without a shot being fired. The Cold War is over.
That's what everybody believes?
Yes, sir. It's true.
What? Did the politburo just one day say - "We give up?"
Yes. That's kind of how it was.
My gosh, those Commies are brilliant! You've got to hand it to 'em! "No, we didn't drop any bombs! Oh yes, our evil empire has collapsed! Poor, poor us!" I bet they've even asked the West for aid! Right?!
Uh, I think they have.
You have very nice ceilings.
I do? Well, thank you! You like ceilings?
Not particularly.
Well, I hope you like these! Fresh sea urchin wrapped in seaweed. Or "nori" if you prefer. I love sushi.
I love Lucy!
It's a very small place. People don't even know it's there.
And it's called...?
Maybe Eve can guess. She's psychic.
Right on the button.
That's right?
I've never met anyone like you in my life.
I've got goose-bumps all over me.
Well, we try. Listen, let me just ask you a few questions. When did Alaska become a state?
1959.
Who use to own it?
Russia.
When did we get it from them?
1867. Seward's Folly. We paid 7.2 million dollars for it. A tidy sum then, as well as now. I'm quoting my father, of course.
What's the capitol?
Juneau.
Hello! It's Anchorage! Gotcha!
This must be very new.
Yeah.
It's so small.
What are you talking about? This is the new Mac. You a hacker?
I don't think so.
You don't have a computer in your cabin?
No.
How do you get through those winters? Well, you're right. Juneau. What's the highest peak?
Mt. McKinley. It's also the highest point in North America.
Okay, maybe she is psychic. Let's go eat!
That would knock my father out.
Yeah?
Oh, yes. It would probably kill him.
He's a Windows guy then, huh?
Yes. He likes windows.
Well, I think Windows stink. What do you think of that?
...I guess it's...just a matter of personal taste.
Not on him.
I'm not wearing his pants.
Why not? He has great pants.
I just don't want to.
Isn't it a little tiring to sit up straight like that?
I guess a lot of those tall buildings we saw this morning are new.
Almost all of them.
The recovery is very impressive.
The recovery? Oh , yeah! Hey, they rebuilt the freeway in six months.
That's why little things mean so much to him.
Why did you park way back there?
Miss Rustokov refuses to let total strangers drive her car.
What?!
Yes! Lying is always a very effective dating tool.
I'm sorry. I took the Lord's name in vain again, didn't I? I'm so sorry.
Okay, Troy! Let's get those all-beef frozen patties!
How 'bout we check with Eve first?
You bet!
So, did you buy a movie?
What?
A magazine? A toy perhaps? In the bookstore.
No, I wouldn't go in one of those places with a gas mask on.
I know what you mean! I usually wear a big hat and dark glasses.
Does that work?
Good-bye, Adam.
Bye, Troy!
Bye, Adam!
And thanks for always being happy!
You dial nine to get out.
Of what?
The hotel.
Thank you. Your father is a smart guy.
My father is a genius.
No kiddin'. Well...good night.
Good night! Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite! That's what my Mom always says... ...who I'm really beginning to miss. I'm sorry. It's my first night away from home.
How old are you?
Thirty-five.
You don't look thirty-five.
How old do I look?
Twenty-five? Around there.
I guess living up here makes people look older.
Up here on the fifteenth floor?
Yes. Up here on the fifteenth floor. Goodnight.
What? What is it?!
The sky!!!
The sky? Where?
Up there!!
I don't see anything!
Help you?
Come on. Frozen. How much are they?
Frozen, they're six-thirty a dozen in the three pound box.
Then I'll need, twelve into nine hundred, seventy-five boxes. And that's almost...five hundred dollars just for the hamburger! And my Mom only gave me three thousand dollars for everything! The yacht batteries! The diesel oil! The birthday candles!
Sure.
Well, that's great then! Terrific...except...it just occurred to me. I don't know where I live! I'm lost! I don't know where home is! Would you excuse me?
Whatcha looking at?
Oh, my holy stars! A Negro!
Say what?!
How do you do, ma'am.
I do alright.
Hello.
How--how much do you want for the Mickey Mantle, rookie season?
I was thinking of selling all the cards.
See, my problem is, all I have are hundred dollar bills and I need something smaller. Ones, fives, tens. Like that.
I see what ya mean. Tell you what...I'll give you five hundred dollars in small bills for the whole box.
Oh, that would be wonderful!
Sir? I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't take the Lord's name in vain again.
I didn't want to leave without saying how much I admire your jewelry.
Oh. A nice one, I hope.
Elbows, Son.
Sorry, Mom!
Dad!
He seems to be doing all right now. I don't know if he's had a heart attack or just... a horrifying experience. But we need supplies and I've got to stay with him.
I'm afraid you've got to.
I'll be all right.
I don't know how far you'll have to travel to find supplies, but if you can't get home by nightfall, I want you to look for something called a Holiday Inn. Write that down. It's a hotel. There might still be one standing.
Right.
I just hope this is still good up there.
Yes?
Oh, Adam,that would be wonderful if you could find a girl. One who's not a mutant...and hopefully comes from Pasadena. Nothing against Valley girls, but in my day anyhow, the girls from Pasadena, I don't know...always just seemed a little nicer.
Here's the shopping list and $3,000 which should take care of everything.
Yes, ma'am.
Your father has a few final words for you. You know, he'd fight a buzz saw for you - he loves you so much. We both do.
...and his church group have volunteered to help us bring the supplies down. But we've got to hurry.
Are you in trouble, son?!
I think I'm being chased by a psychiatrist.
Mom? Eve and I have to go.
What?
We have to go.
This is your bedroom?
No, Mom, I've turned it into Dad's office.
Well, where are you --
Eve and I...eloped. We're married.
No.
Oh, my God!
He'll catch him. Hi. This is Nina Aron. I've got a run away and I'm going to need police assistance.
No! Not the police! Don't call them!
I have to. If a complaint is made and the person resists obser--
No, I can't have that! They'll come with their cars and their guns and their handcuffs--
Calm down, please. This man needs help and you need protection from him. That's obvious.
You know, I don't think so. I'm confused but you know, I don't think he'd ever hurt me. I don't think he'd hurt anyone.
And now you must let me be the judge of that!
I was frightened and I didn't know what to think! But you know-I believe him. I think he just wants to go home. Wherever the hell that is...
According to Caltech, this Webber guy was a bonafide genius and a borderline nutcase.
Well, he and Mrs. Nutcase must have been out here when the plane hit.
Unless we get a postcard or somethin', that's my guess.
What about relatives?
All back East.
The neighbors over there said the guy spent day and night out here. She'd bring him sandwiches and hot Dr. Pepper.
He drank it hot?
Yeah.
Good god.
You got a light, honey?
What?! A light! Yes, I've got a light!
So...you...survived the blast, did you?
The blast? Honey, I have survived a host of things. Like the song says: "A country boy can survive!"
Yes, yes, the song. So tell me...has it been...hell up here?
"Hell up here?" Honey, it's been hell up here, down there and over yonder! Hell everywhere.
Yes, I can tell that just looking around. "Boy?" Did you say you were a "country boy?"
Cute Little Old Man, if you want a boy, I can be a boy. And if you want a girl, I can be a girl. I can be anything you want me to be!
Really?
Uh-huh. And it's all yours for the remarkably low price of only $200! And if you act now, I might even throw in some free lawn furniture.
For Pete's sake, Calvin! We've got guests!
Sorry, honey! I just got to fooling with this darn rheostat.
Well, put it down and come in!
I'm sorry everyone, but given this extraordinary turn of events, I think it's prudent that we cut the evening short. I'm sure this Cuban thing will resolve itself, but in the meantime...I'd suggest taking a prayerful watch-and-wait stance!
It's time.
It shuts off automatically.
Did you rig it to do that? You're so clever.
No. They all do.
You hear that?!
Calvin, I wish you would have at least let me do the dishes. It's not going to be that easy getting all that dried- on food off my nice plates.
I just hope those plates aren't radioactive by tomorrow morning.
Cheese is particularly troublesome.
Worse than your Kraft Holiday dip?
Oh, much worse. But not as bad as that Mexican Jumping Bean dip. You remember that?
How long will we have to stay down here?
I don't know. For this thing to blow over, it could take days.
Days??
Rather safe than sorry. That's my motto!
But, what if I go into labor? That could happen any time.
I've read up on it. I'll deliver the baby myself if I have to.
Now you listen to me Calvin Webber, when this baby comes, you're going to be out in the waiting room smoking yourself to death with all the other fathers.
Yes, dear!
Home sweet home!
What's that noise?
The locks.
The locks?
To keep us from trying to leave. After an atomic blast there's a radiation half-life that lasts thirty five years.
Thirty -five years!
Then after that it's safe.
To go up.
Hi, honey! Feeling better?
No.
We have to be strong, sweetheart. If not for ourselves, for the child.
Burnt to a crisp. I've given you the most well-done cut.
I'm not hungry.
Hot Dr. Pepper! Your favorite!
No, Calvin, you're favorite.
Maybe I've just got the creeps.
No. No! Calvin, this is different! Believe me!
Would you like a tranquilizer?
You have tranquilizers?
Oh, no.
What?
Uh, oh. Now it's time.
Is there a problem?
No, Calvin. Babies cry.
I've noticed.
No. I think it's just right.
And I was wondering...if...if I could have a...
Yes!
If I...you know...
Calvin?!
Right here!
We looked all over for you. What are you doing back here?
Oh, I was just examining this rear hatchway.
Why?
No reason. Well, it's pretty clear that the front entrance caved in when the bomb went off. So, you know, when the time is up, we'll have to return to the surface using, you know, this back entrance. Which is very nice because it has the service elevator!
Very nice. Unless it caved in, too.
Watch this!
Not bad for a three and a half year old! I'd like to see the public school system match that! I don't care how terrific it is!
Yes, he's very bright, dear. Much like his father. But you know, Calvin, maybe he's a little...young for school.
Yes, you certainly will. And you'll find a nice girl and rebuild America. Just the way it used to be.
Oh, Calvin, I'm not sure we should be making promises that perhaps can't be kept.
Hi, honey!
Calvin!
Get the presents and do the lights.
No kidding. Who else would have done it?
What did you wish for, Adam?
If he tells, it won't come true!
Oh, that's just a bunch of baloney! We never believed that in my family!
One who doesn't glow in the dark.
Calvin Webber! What a thing to say!
Let's eat our cake.
If we still have one.
Yes...
You know, when we do go up...I'm going to miss this old place. How 'bout you, hon?
Would you excuse me?
In the generator room again?
Oh, yes. It just fascinates me how all these things work.
Should we say a little prayer first?
Yes, yes it is!
It's an archaic colloquialism, roughly meaning..."good".
I'm going to give it to you straight. There's no point in beating around the bush. There were survivors. Apparently, the fallout has created....a subspecies of mutants.
Mutants?!
Others are...multi-sexual. It seems...they can be both masculine and feminine...simultaneously.
No.
Yes.
They've done a lot of re-building but society, at least as we knew it, has utterly collapsed. People throw up in the streets. Others point guns. There's something terribly wrong with the automobiles and...and I...I can't tell you the rest. I just can't.
Oh my. Oh,my, oh my, oh, my. So, what do we do now?
We stay down here.
We do?
Yes.
For how long? We've just about run out of everything!
We'll make do. I'm of the opinion that these mutants will eventually kill each other off and then--
No, Calvin. We're not going to make do. Not me! Not Adam. We're going up no matter what! We deserve it. Even if it's terrible!
Well, I am the head of this household--
I want him to at least see the sky!
--and we will--
And the ocean! A mountain range!
He's smart.
And Lord we ask finally that you send an angel to look after and protect our beloved son, Adam. Amen.
How long will you set it for this time?
I thought ten years.
Well, that's...considerably shorter than before. I was wondering, Calvin, why set the locks at all. I mean the radiation is gone and...
Well, please excuse us! We...we haven't entertained a guest in...um...
Some time.
What are you bitching about now?
What are you doing here?
I forgot some of my stuff.
You came back for these?
Hey, they're Ralph Laurens. And who's this interesting looking fellow?
Go home, Cliff, wherever that might be.
So where is your roommate, the model?
Go home, Adam. Go to your hotel.
Stop it, you two!
Eve! This guy is un-be-liev-able!
I knew you'd like him.
So, Adam...where on earth are you from?
Since that guy rear-ended me in Palm Springs.
Oh, yes.
Give me your hand.
But first, you have to start with the clothes!
I don't know.
You're serious, aren't you?
What's that supposed to mean?
It means that your taste in men's apparel is as bad as your taste in men.
Well, that's blunt!
I'm sorry. But if the shoe fits.
And I suppose you see him in some sort of strapless thing, don't you?
I see "elegant."
Yeah? Like Ralph Lauren?
Alright, I will.
I'm busy tomorrow anyway. I have to buy six thousand paper napkins.
Well, what do you think?
I think...it...works.
How 'bout it, Eve? Can he skate around your block?
That water's freezing!
Just be yourself.
Always good advice.
Are you kidding?! You wouldn't even be a crumb on her table! You don't see that?!
Eve?!
Well, I'm trying to educate him! It's nothing personal.
Um... Eve?
Go to the bathroom.
He go back to the hotel?
What's that mean?
We did not leave together.
What's it to you?!
I'm his pimp. He left with the dancers, didn't he?
Hey, you're the psychic. Eve, the psychic pimp. You tell me.
Those sluts!
Where are you going?
To bed.
To bed?
Yeah. I'm not the one who's in love with the guy.
In the first place, I don't fall in love with weirdos I've only known for four or five days.
Yes, you do.
And I don't fall in love with grown men who collect baseball cards!!
Uh, yes, you do.
Or pee in their pants when they see the ocean!
Yes, you do!
Or have perfect table manners.
You know, I asked him about that. And he said that good manners are a way we have of showing other people that we respect them. See, you'd eat like a slob if you were alone, but since another human being is present, you show that person respect by going to the trouble of having proper manners. I didn't know that. I thought it
What?
He thinks that I am a gentleman and that you are a lady!
Well, consider the source. I don't even know what a lady is.
Exactly! I thought a gentleman was somebody who owned horses. Turns out, the short and very simple definition of a gentleman or a lady is: someone who always attempts to make the people around him or her feel as comfortable as possible. That's it! If you don't do that, nothing else matters. The cars, the clothes, the houses...
Where did he get all that information?
From the oddest place. His parent's told him. I don't think I got that memo.
So now I suppose he's trying to make those two dancers feel as comfortable as possible.
He didn't leave with them.
Well...I admit it. I'm glad to hear that.
He left with Sophie.
What?!!
It's true. She swept him out the door whispering little French things into his ear.
What are you going to do? Go over to her place and kick in the door?
I don't think so.
Well what was I supposed to do?! He wants me to live underground with him! That's like Silence of the Lambs, don't you think?!
Oh, no!
Gay.
Good God...you don't think there really is a bomb shelter, do you?
What do you want to do with it?
Give it back to him.
And if we can't find him?
What's wrong?
I don't know. Everything's so neat. It's all just so...goddamn dear. Damn!
Millions upon millions upon millions! The cards. The stock! The clothes! The toothpaste! The guy was on the level! And you blew it! A man walks into your life who is the kindest, most polite, honest, trustworthy, incredibly rich guy you have ever met in your life!! And what do you do?!
Have him committed.
Yeah! That's thinking.
He was always so "nice"! How was I supposed to know that's a good thing?! "Nice" is weird! Nice is...what is "nice"? It's not cool! I'll tell you that. Was it ever?
I don't know. I like to think so.
Well, at least I fell for him before I found out he was rich! That's new. Wait a minute! He said today he knew where home was. What happened this morning?! Where did you go?!
To get some frozen poultry.
Then what?
We came back to the house!
You didn't stop anywhere else?!
No. No, wait a minute. We stopped at a porno store.
What?!
An adult bookstore. He was very excited about seeing it. You think home is under a dirty bookstore in the Valley?
Why would you put a fallout shelter under a porno shop?
None of this stuff was here in 1962. The Valley was mostly small homes and fruit orchards.
Well, we've come a long way, haven't we? I want to go home.
Adam!!
Where?!
I'm going to need two more banana- splits and a cherry coke!
I can't tell the boys from the girls anymore!
I miss those nice flower-power kids. How 'bout you?
I'm selling this place. I want out of this hell hole!
Could I, like...oh, wow...like,uh...
Buy it from me?
Yeah! Yeah, that's it!
Tower. Wolf One. I've got a problem here.
Say your problem, Wolf One. Are you declaring an emergency?
Wolf One -- say intentions.
I've got secondaries of an engine fire and I'll need to find a clear area to eject.
Tower, say again!!
The SAR HELO is airborne with you in sight.
I'm marking the 180 radial for five and ejecting.
I sent a trunk home yesterday. This is all I have.
You look good, Jeffrey. Did you have a nice flight?
I think it's important not to get depressed. Depression is a terrible thing. They say it can bring on illness.
Jeffrey, you're not going down by Lincoln, are you?
Doctor Gynde, my whole family's sick. What's going on?
Will you tell Mom when she gets home from the hospital that I've gone to dinner at Sandy Williams' house?
Okay honey. That sounds nice. Jeffrey. I think you've got termites in the house.
Oh yeah? Have you seen any?
I've seen a few.
Well, I haven't seen any. I wouldn't worry about it. Look, I better go.
I don't want to talk about it. Everything's okay now. I don't want to talk about it.
Sometimes it helps to talk things over. For instance, many marriages are saved by.
Frank. Come in.
Hey, I brought some friends. And some beer.
Suave. Goddam are you suave, you fucker. You want some beer?
Shit Ben! How the shit are ya?
Fine Frank. Fine. How are you?
Fuckin' good, real fuckin' good. You know this little tid bit, Dorothy, and this thing, here, is a neighbor. What the shit we're doin' with a neighbor, I don't know. Goddam!!! This is the suavest guy I know. Look at you. You're one beautiful fucker, Ben. I love this jacket and that cigarette holder of yours. Shit, that is too fuckin' much. Where's those
To your health, Frank.
Shit. Let's drink to something else. Let's drink to fuckin'. Say here's to your fuck Frank.
Frank, I have something for you. Excuse us everyone.
See you Tuesday, Frank.
Are you Detective Williams?
Yes.
My name is Jeffrey Beaumont - I live near you. I believe you know my father, Tom Beaumont - Beaumont's Hardware Store?
Sure I do. I understand he's in the hospital. How is he?
He's alright, I guess. I hope. They're doing tests, that's why I'm home from school. I was over at the hospital this morning and I was going home and in the field behind our neighborhood. There behind Vista, I found an ear.
You did? A human ear?
Yeah. I've got it here in this bag. I thought I should bring it to you.
By the way, Jeffrey, this story isn't going to the press and I'm going to ask you to consider all you've heard strictly confidential. Do not discuss this business with anyone, but me, or other police personnel. Got it?
Got it. Thanks for letting me in on as much as you did.
Come into the study a minute.
Detective Williams here. Yeah. Tell him to go to Sergeant Milton. Yeah, copy. Well, Jeffrey, you found something which is very interesting to us. Very interesting. I know you must be curious to know more. But. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you not only not to tell anyone about your find, but also not to ask more about the case. One
I understand. I'm just real curious like you said.
I was the same way when I was your age. I guess that's what got me into this business.
It must be great.
Jeffrey?
Yes?
These are beautiful. How's the case coming?
Okay.
Anything you can tell me?
The criminals are winning.
Is that why you say it's horrible?
Yes.
I guess you've seen some bad things.
Yes I have - so bad I wouldn't poison your mind by telling you.
Why do you do it?
I won't let the bastards get me up against the wall. It's an act of defiance.
What is this? What color is it?
What color is it?
Jeffrey! Come on in.
Hi. Hi Sandy. I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got to talk to you.
Okay, come on in. Looks like you had a bad face lift.
Okay?
And that man came out with a third man - this well-dressed guy. Here's the photo. I think a girl named Dorothy Vallens is in trouble with these people. I think Frank has taken her husband and her son.
I have no hard proof of any of this. Her address is also on the photos. I think these people are involved with drugs, and murder. I think Frank is killing drug dealers and... ...and somehow Frank is getting all their drugs. I had to tell you I got slightly more involved in this than you wanted me to, but it's over now for
Well now Jeffrey, how did you come to get so involved?
I can't tell you the whole story. I. I took it upon myself. I can't say more.
Is Sandy part of this?
No, not at all.
Who knows you have these?
Only you and the photo lab.
You're all through with this now?
For now. Alright, you better be. And Sandy better not be involved with this, I can tell you. Be prepared to come in for further interrogation on this later.
Detective Williams!! Detective Williams!!
Detective Williams here. Is that you, Jeffrey?
Yes it's me!!! Frank is on his way up to Dorothy's apartment. Oh no. Frank has a radio and is hearing everything we say!! Detective Williams. Hurry. I'm in the apartment. Hurry. I'm hiding in the back bedroom.
Because of your information I alerted internal affairs to check out Detective Gordon. I had to keep on with him as if nothing was different. He slipped off on his own when he found out we were going to raid Frank's place.
Does Dorothy know her husband is dead?
Not yet.
Yes? What is it?
Pest control, gotta do your apartment.
Oh God, that stuff stinks.
Nope, it's new stuff. No smell.
That oughta do it.
GET OUT OF THERE!!! GET OUT!!! Put your hands up, on your head. GO ON!!! Get down on your knees - DO IT!! What are you doing? Who are you? What's your name? WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
Jeffrey.
Jeffrey. Jeffrey what?
Jeffrey nothing.
You tell me!! Let me see that wallet. Jeffrey Beaumont. What're you doing in my apartment, Jeffrey Beaumont?
I wanted to see you.
What? Are you kidding me? Who sent you here?
Nobody.
Shit. You better tell me something.
I was an experiment. Just to see if I could do it.
An experiment? Hey, I've seen you before.
I sprayed your apartment. I took your key. I really didn't mean to do anything but see you.
Tell me what you saw tonight. TELL ME.
I saw you come in, talk on the phone. Get undressed.
The phone. What did you hear on the phone. Tell me. Word for word.
That's right. That's what I said. You have a good memory. Then what?
Well.
THEN WHAT?
Then you got undressed.
How many times have you sneaked into girls' apartments and watched them undress?
Never before this.
How'd you like it if someone sneaked into your house and watched you. Get undressed. I want to see you.
No. Come on.
NO, you come on. Take off your pants. I want to see you.
Look. I'm sorry. Just let me leave.
What do you want from me?
I, I don't know.
Do you like that?
Do you like talk like that?
No.
Don't. I don't like that. What do you want?
Nothing. Are you alright?
Sure I'm alright.
Don?
No.
Thank you. honey.
Do you like the way I feel?
Yes.
Yes.
See my nipples?
Yes.
You can hit me, if you want to.
Do you like me?
Yes, I like you.
I made it go down the toilet.
Next Christmas. Is he Santa Claus who has left a present for Dorothy? What was it? An ear? Another ear?!! What was it?
Do you know?
No.
You don't?
No. What is happening?
Maybe you don't know. I know you though. You're Jeffrey Beaumont and I know where you live and I know ways to get you and I know ways to kill you.
Please don't talk like that. You're upset. I'm not helping you. I'm sorry for what I did. I better go.
Go then. I can't let you put it in me now but I want you. I like you.
Then don't talk about killing.
Did I say that? I didn't mean it, or did I? Sometimes I think it would be fun. Go ahead, you better leave now. I can't open myself to you now. I'll tell you a little secret. I want to die.
Don't say that.
It's a secret so don't tell anyone. Some day I'll show you where. I've gotta go to sleep now.
Hi, can I come in?
Why are you here. Whatiya want?
I, uh.
I looked for you in my closet tonight. It's crazy, I don't know where you came from, but I like you.
I liked being with you last night.
Oh shit.
Frank? Can you stand up?
Nice guy. Who's he?
Oh God. Don!!! Why can't I just die.
There you go again. Stop saying that. You can make it.
I can't. I can't. You think you know so much.
Look.
No.
Falling.
Who is Don?
Don? Are you in with them?
No. But you're in very big trouble.
Why are you so interested? Why do you keep asking me?
I came back to help you. You said do I let girls sneak into my house. You know where I live. If you need to, come to where I live, OK?
Who are you? Maybe I'll need to. You like me, huh?
Yes.
Or do you just want me? I'm going to let you enter me now.
No. I should go.
Come in.
It used to make me laugh, but.
I'm sorry, maybe I better go Dorothy.
Yes. Frank--
Frank is coming?
No. How could he? Don't go. You think I'm crazy, don't you? I want you to stay. Don't hate me.
I sure don't hate you.
I'm not crazy. I know the difference between right and wrong.
Do you like my body?
What do you want to do?
I'm doing it.
Are you a bad boy?
Whatiya mean?
Do you want to do bad things? Anything, anything.
What do you want?
I want you to hurt me.
No. I told you. I don't want to hurt you. I want to help you. I think I know some of what is happening to you. Dorothy? Frank has your husband and son. Dorothy? Doesn't he? You have to do something Dorothy. Go to the police.
You like to open me, don't you?
Yes.
That wouldn't be too good, would it?
Frank would open you.
Okay. I know you've been scared. Now you want to scare someone.
Does that scare you?
Shut up.
Beeeee careful.
Come on Dorothy.
Look, snap out of it, will ya?
Do you love me?
Do you love me?
I asked first.
Sometimes I think I do.
Wait a minute. Wait. Whatiya want? For cryin' out loud!
I love you Don with all my heart.
I didn't mean to hurt you.
Shhhhhh. Now I have your disease.
You what?
You put your disease in me. Your semen. It's hot and full of disease.
There's no disease, I can tell you.
Men are crazy. Then they put their craziness into me. Then it makes me crazy. Then they aren't so crazy for awhile. Then they put their craziness in me again. It's burning me, but I love you. I do, I do. Did you know that? Did you know that I love you?
I'm glad you do.
There's so much I want to tell you. I'm in so much darkness though with things moving. There is darkness sucking me. It's kissing me and darkness is entering me. In every hole. It's opening me to a death.
Dorothy. No!
If I die, then they'll be free. It's getting late, isn't it? I can tell, it's a cold feeling when it's late. It's warm then it gets cold. Jeffrey. I feel it getting cold.
You called me Jeffrey.
I did. Are you?
Yes.
Why are you here? HMMMMMMMM!!!! OK.
I guess I should go.
I want you to stay with me.
I'll call you.
Okay. Soon? Do you think I'm too fat?
What?
I'm getting a little bit fat. I hate that.
Oh no.
Yeah, it's me.
Where have you been? Oh God, they hurt him, Jeffrey. Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, hold me. HOLD ME. Oh God.
It's okay. It's okay.
They hurt his head.
Who, Dorothy?
Hold me, Don.
Don? Where is he?
HELP HIM!! Promise me you'll help him!
I promise, Dorothy. I promise.
Frank gone?
Yeah, but get outta here. He's comin' back.
Bull.
Alright, suit yourself.
He's comin' back? What for?
'Cause he's comin' back, that's what for. Frank's got you really loaded tonight.
Yeah, maybe so. Frank's got me, and you and really it's all thanks to Don, isn't it. Remember that. Your husband was the one who started fucking my mind with drugs.
Oh he forced you, huh?
He's the reformed dealer though who wanted to turn himself in. He's the one that caused Frank to come and Frank's fucking us real good. I just feel so horny. I'm supposed to be here watching you why can't I be here fucking you. Listen. I know his cock's the size of a pin - let me give you the real thing. Let me
No way, get out. I'm gonna tell Frank. I'm gonna tell him what you said.
Hello, baby.
Shut up. It's daddy, shit-head.
Hello, daddy.
MOMMY!
Mommy's here.
Who's this fuck?
He's a friend. From the neighborhood. We were just talking.
Where are we going, Frank?
Hey Tits, I'm taking your neighbor to the country. Maybe something for you too.
Frank?
You want to see him too, right?
Yes, but.
Look at these. What are these?
Don't say PLEASE, Fuckhead. WHAT ARE THESE?
Those are my breasts.
Can I feel 'em?
Frank, he didn't mean it. Leave him alone. Come on. He didn't mean it.
We're looking for him. In your opinion, why did Frank kidnap Dorothy's son and husband?
He became obsessed with her. She hated him. He had to have her. He kidnapped them to control her. To make her do things. Then she wanted to commit suicide so he started cutting off ears as a warning to her to stay alive. I'm not kidding. Frank loved blue, blue velvet. He had to have Dorothy cause her whole life was blue.
You seemed to see some very interesting things on your little escapade with Dorothy Vallens.
Yeah. I guess I did. What's going to happen to me?
We're going to leave that up to Detective Williams. I'll tell you though, you're okay. You shot a real son of a bitch.
Hello?
No thanks.
No thanks. What does that mean?
I don't want to go.
Go where?
On a ride.
Heineken.
Hey neighbor. Here's to Ben.
Here's to Ben.
Hey? You like to walk.
What?
What are you lookin' at?
Nothing.
Don't be a good neighbor to her or I'm gonna send you a love letter. Straight from my heart, fucker. You know what a love letter is? It's a bullet, straight from my gun, fucker. Once you get a love letter from me, you're fucked forever. Understand, Fuck?
Yes.
Come on. I wancha to meet a frienda mine. Raymond, get enough beer for Ben too.
Okay Frank.
Raymond! Where's the fuckin' beer?
Right here Frank. You want me to pour it?
No, I want ya to fuck it. Shit, yes, pour the fuckin' beer.
There ya go.
I mean, for good, Jeffrey.
For good? I can't Mom. Not right in the middle of the term.
Jeffrey, honey. Your father's condition is serious. It's going to cost so much. We just won't have the money to keep you in school. I'm telling you this now, so that you can get your things together and check out of school, honey, or whatever you have to do, it'll save you another trip back. You're going to have to work at the store.
Where's all your things, Jeffrey?
Jeffrey, breakfast is ready.
What time are visiting hours?
I've made arrangements with Dr. Gynde for 10:30. But Jeffrey, you'll have to walk over; I need the car this morning.
Well. Okay.
Jeffrey, when you see your father.
Yeah?
He doesn't know you're out of school. He thinks it's a vacation for you.
What?
It would be too much for him. So please let him think as he does, that you're home just to see him.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
I'm going out for awhile.
Do you want the car?
No, I'm just gonna walk around.
Can I use the car tonight?
God, you scared me.
Is something wrong? What's happened to your face?
Nothing. I'm fine.
Hello, uh, my name is Jeffrey Beaumont. Is Detective Williams in?
Oh, yes, Jeffrey. Come in. He'll be back any minute now. You're welcome to wait. Is it urgent?
I just wanted to ask him a few questions, that's all. Maybe I better go.
Really, he'll be home soon, would you like a cup of coffee?
I was sorry to hear about your father. I know your mother from church. It's such a shame.
Yeah, I know.
Would you like a piece of cake?
No. No thank you.
It's a real good chocolate cake. Duncan Hines' devil's food. Real good.
He comes over to study.
Mrs. Williams? Thanks for the cake.
Oh, you're welcome. Nice to finally meet you, Jeffrey.
Here you are. Would anyone like coffee?
That sounds great!
Please excuse me a moment, Jeffrey, and I'll get to the dishes.
Sure thing, please don't worry about me. Can I help you with the dishes?
Sandy?... Sandy, please.
No.
Looks like you'd make a good runner.
Well.
No, you're right.
I mean, some guys play anyway but they usually get slaughtered.
Yeah, well I never wanted to get slaughtered much.
Hey, you ivy league shit. COME HERE!
Hi Dad.
Looks like they've got you strapped in pretty good.
Uh-uh.
Are you feeling okay?
Good to see you, son.
How ya doin' Dad?
Hey Jeff. I'm feelin' so much better.
Yeah, how did you know?
Oh yeah?
You were pretty popular. Didn't you run for some office?
Yeah I did, treasurer. Shouldn't you be studying or something.
Am I bothering you?
No. You're not bothering me. You a senior?
Yes.
How is Central these days?
Terrible boring.
What else is new? Right?
Yeah. What are you doing now?
I'm home from school. My father's in the hospital.
That's too bad.
What do you know about the ear? Anything?
Didn't my father tell you not to talk about it?
Come on, you brought it up. Do you know anything?
I don't really know much but bits and pieces. I hear things. My room is right above my father's office. The ear, there's no corpse in the morgue missing an ear, and it did come off a living person. That's direct from the Coroner's Office. The person is unknown. There are a couple of cases I get mixed up on, but I think there
Do you know who was brought in for questioning?
There were at least three, maybe four. But a name that keeps coming up is this woman who lives in an apartment building very close to your house and also close to the field where you found the ear. There's also a business man over by the Franklin factory district that was questioned. And a musician. And some others.
Were all these people questioned this afternoon?
No, this has been going on for some time. Several months. About six months ago some parts of bodies were found down by the river. They were from people who were reported missing. They never found one complete body, only parts.
The ear is from a missing person maybe?
Maybe so.
It's a strange world isn't it? Do you know what building the woman lives in?
Yeah. It's close by, that's what's creepy. They've had her under surveillance for a couple of months, except I don't know what they've found out because my father isn't in charge of her.
I guess you have to get back home soon?
That's the building. She lives on the Seventh Floor. Don't stop to look long, the police are watching.
Where are they?
Did they find out anything when they questioned her?
I don't know, like I said, she's not my father's case.
Oh yeah. What about those other people? Anything?
My father is watching the businessman. The businessman had a partner who disappeared. Left his whole business and family, his wife and two kids. They think he's been murdered.
You really do hear a lot, don't you?
Yeah, I guess so. What are you going to do now that you're home?
I have to help out in my father's hardware store. They're giving me sort of my own hours for a while, which is nice.
Still, it must be kinda rough.
What happened to him?
I've gotta go in.
I guess I'll see you sometime.
I guess so. Like you said. It's a strange world.
You hungry or thirsty, or both?
I don't know.
I'd like to talk to you about something.
I don't want to cause any trouble.
I'm here, aren't I?
I guess Mike's got some sort of sports practice in the afternoon.
Alright, now tell me. What is it?
There are opportunities in life for gaining knowledge and experience. Sometimes, in some cases, it's necessary to take a risk. I got to thinking. I'll bet a person could learn a lot by getting into that woman's apartment, you know, sneak in and hide and observe.
You said it was a strange world. And you're the strangest part of it. Are you crazy? She is possibly involved in murder. This gives me the creeps.
Settle down. I have a plan which I think will work. There is very little for you to do, but I do need your help. Aren't you curious about my plan?
It wouldn't hurt to hear the plan, I guess.
Alright. the first thing is to get into her apartment and open a window that I could crawl into later.
Now, how are you going to do that?
Right out in the car I happen to have some old overalls and a bug spraying rig. I will go to her apartment and be the pest control man. I will spray her apartment. After a few minutes you will knock on her door, drawing her attention away from me and I will then jimmy a window.
What will I say when she comes to the door?
You will be a Jehovah's Witness. I have a few "Awake" magazines for you. You don't have to keep her very long. A few seconds is all I'll need. Whatiya think?
I don't know, it sounds like a good daydream, but actually doing it is too weird. Too dangerous.
Let's just try the first part. If that goes well, we'll see about the rest. No one will suspect us, because no one would believe two people like us would be crazy enough to do something like this.
Now, we'll walk over so there's no license plates and you give me at least three minutes. I can stall if it's more, but I need time to find a good window, alright?
Alright.
Okay, I'm going ahead. Wait a minute, what's her name?
Oh brother. Dorothy Vallens, Seventh Floor. Look on the mailbox for her number, bright boy.
Thanks. Dorothy Vallens. Okay, goodluck. Three minutes, no sooner.
Are you alright?
I was just about to go to the door, when that man did my job for me. Was it alright?
Yes and no. Did you recognize him?
No. I only saw his back. He went down another stairwell at the end of the hall.
I didn't get a good look at him either, but he sure looked at me. I didn't have time to get a window, but I found this key. Pretty nifty, huh?
Yeah, if it opens the door.
So, what's next?
Pretty clever. Are you game for more?
I owe you, since I goofed up this one.
You didn't goof it up, but you still owe me one. I want to sneak in tonight. It's Friday, do you have a date tonight?
Yes. I do.
You really want to do this, don't you?
I'll tell Mike I'm sick. There's a game tonight anyway and he'll never miss me. Afterwards he can go out with the guys. Just so the record is kept straight though, I love Mike. What do want me to do?
First of all, we'll have a nice dinner. Try to find out where Dorothy sings.
I already know. The "Slow Club". It's on Route 7.
Great. I'll pick you up around eight o'clock. Is that good?
Yeah, but don't pick me up. My father may think it's strange. I'll walk over to your house. I'll be there at eight o'clock.
What's the plan.
First of all, we're going to the Slow Club to see Dorothy Vallens. We'll watch her for awhile. I'd like to hear her sing anyway, and then also we'll know she is there and not in her apartment.
Brilliant.
Then we'll drive back to her apartment and I will plant myself there.
That sounds good.
Here's to. An interesting experience.
Jeffrey, I don't think you ought to do it.
Why not?
It's crazy and dangerous. My God, I shouldn't have told you.
It'll be okay. I don't think you should wait out here though. I think you should go home. Can you drive this car?
Yeah, but.
Leave it in the front of your house for me, okay?
OK.
Could you wait a little while, this key may not fit.
I wish you wouldn't do this. It doesn't make any sense. Let's go somewhere and have some coffee.
I'm going in, Sandy. I'll see you tomorrow and tell you how it went.
I, I don't want to see you tomorrow. Mike's coming over.
Oh, okay, can I call?
Okay, yeah, call.
Look, it can wait till Sunday.
Call tomorrow. It's okay. Good luck. I hope you can sneak out okay. You're going to wait until she's asleep?
Yeah.
I'm going to wait here until she comes.
Are you sure?
Okay, thanks.
I don't know if you're a detective or a pervert.
That's for me to know and for you to find out. I'll see you. I mean call you, okay?
Well, how did it go? What happened?
Well, I've found out some things, nothing really for certain. There are some strange people involved.
What did you see?
What's with Mike?
He got a little jealous.
I'm sorry, I didn't...
You want a Dairy Queen?
You want to tell me about it?
OK. It's a strange world, Sandy. This is what I have found out. What I think I have found out. Dorothy Vallens is married to a man named Don. They have a son. I think the son and the husband have been kidnapped by a man named Frank who has now cut off both of Don's ears. I think he is holding them to
Wow. Should you tell my father?
I don't see how I can, and I can't prove any of this. I got all this information illegally. Also it could get you in trouble.
You saw a lot in one night.
Actually. I've been in twice.
Twice. Without her sensing anything?
Yes.
Did you see her undressed?
Yeah. I mean a little, you know.
Yeah?
That doesn't bother you, does it?
Who, me? Why should it?
That's what I thought.
You're sure right. It is a strange world.
Why are there people like Frank. Why is there so much trouble in this world?
I don't know. I had a dream. In fact, the night I met you. In the dream the world was dark because there weren't any robins. You know, birds. Robins stood for love, and all of a sudden thousands of robins flew down and brought this blinding light of love. And it felt like that love would be the only thing that would make
Yeah I guess so. You're a neat girl.
So are you. I mean you're a neat guy. We better get back.
No, silly - I'm still in school you know. But I'll meet you after school and you can tell me what you've learned. You better be careful, Jeffrey.
Okay, be careful.
Can I give you a kiss good night?
You better not, Jeffrey.
Okay, okay.
Goodnight.
You were late.
I'm really sorry.
What am I going to do?
You want to go talk to him?
You know, that cheese is practically all chemicals.
That's what makes it so good. You wanta hear what I saw today?
Shoot.
Number one. I saw the Yellow Man go into Frank's building, laughing with Frank. Now, the only trouble is, what does this prove?
Nothing really, but it's interesting. They know each other. They seem to like each other.
Maybe. But I think the Yellow Man is on drugs. I think Frank supplies him.
Oh yeah?
Number two. I saw the Yellow Man come out. This time with a well- dressed man with an alligator briefcase. They drove down this factory building and stood on a staircase looking at something in the distance. Number three. Now get this. In the distance was a murder. A drug dealer shot to death and a woman with her legs broken.
Jeffrey!!
Then these guys told me the police will find a huge amount of drugs inside the dead man's place.
I can't believe what you are finding out. Are you going to continue with this. Are you going back to her apartment?
Yeah.
Jeffrey? Why?
I'm seeing something that was always hidden. I'm involved in a mystery. I'm learning. And it's all secret.
You like mysteries that much?
You worry about me really?
Great. Hey, I've got a bit of a problem. I know some things that could help your father but you might get into trouble.
Jeffrey, are they important things? Well forget me - you have to tell him. Jeffrey, I mean it.
Everything okay?
Yeah. I think so. I just had to tell him some of what I knew. Is Friday still on?
You didn't tell him about me?
I should never had gotten you going on this. Yes Jeffrey. Friday's on!
Okay.
What is it?
What was that all about?
Nothing, really! It's good to see you.
It's good to see you.
Where to?
Just go over to Gelford and up to Vista. It's not far. Can you tell me any more about what you learned?
I'd rather not talk about it. I'll tell you about it sometime.
It's okay.
You look beautiful.
Thank you. Whatiya say we just enjoy the evening?
You want to dance?
I can't dance fast.
Really?
Really. You want to dance with someone else?
NO.
Let's wait for some slow one.
You want to dance?
Oh my God. What's wrong?
My father has a gun at home.
No.
Dorothy!... Dorothy!
Dorothy Vallens?
Take her to my house. My dad can get an ambulance faster than anyone. Do you have anything to put around her?
No. Is Detective Gordon going to be at your house?
Probably not. No. Why?
Okay. Let's get her over to your father's.
Jeffrey? What's going on?
I should go with her, Sandy.
Go ahead.
Sandy?
Please get to your father and send him and the police to Dorothy's apartment right away. Be sure your father comes. Something is happening over there. They're hurting someone, the guy she loves. Tell them to hurry. I'm going over right now.
No Jeffrey!!
Look Jeffrey.
Mike's gotta go. Nice to meet you.
What are watchin' this junk for?
You can change it if you want to.
I don't know why we have to watch TV.
Sandy? Could I talk to you a minute?
Come on out a minute, okay?
Hey come here, you stole my girl, you bastard. I'm gonna kick your ass, right in front of your stupid house.
Stop it Mike.
What did he bring him in for?
Needed an outsider. The package boy knows everyone. He'd spot our hitters a mile away.
Just for him?
Well he's the one shooting up all his guys, right? He's scared of the kid. Says he's real good, got every available gun in the city up there.
Up where?
Up his house. I don't know what's going on but I know it's gotta have something to do with this kid.
Fuck you.
Hey, Augustus, I need your help, I got a serious problem here. I'm not screwing around.
Hey, I just...
Don't start with your shit. Don't you talk to me. Oh, hey Uncle Gussy, thanks for years of service. Here's a gold watch and a job sniffing other guys' shit eight hours a day. What am I, a retired bus driver?
I need Il Duce.
The Duke? What did you do?
Listen kid, I think you better understand who you're dealing with here.
Yeah. I was only twelve or thirteen when you guys used to talk about him, like he was a ghost or something.
There's ways around that.
Lord's name.
Mother Mary, full of grace.
Well listen, I know how my boys take ta scrappin' when they take ta drinkin'.
Yes mother.
Are ya ready?
Yes sir.
Paraffin came up positive. And bullet holes are usually a big clue.
I can't find the second one, sir.
Look under the body.
Are these me considered armed and dangerous?
Look, look! I'm not saying one way or the other. Just be careful and go by the protocol on this one.
Any tips on where these guys may be?
Ah, Agent Smecker, we have a problem.
What?
The press is everywhere outside. They're going nuts for these guys. What do you want to do?
Oh, God! Don't kill me! We're on the same side! The boss musta sent you in as back up, huh? Oh, shit, please! I'm Rocco. I'm the funny man. They call me the funny fuckin' man!
Where's your gun?
Chest pocket. Shit!
Poppa Joe said there was only two. In and out. Boy, you guys sure did a good job. You're good, huh? Cool masks. Where'd you get them?
What did you do?! Fuckin'... what the fuckin' fuck! Who the fuck, fucked this fuckin'? fuck. How did you two fuckin', fucks?......... FUCK!!!
What the fuck are you doing here? What, huh!? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? ANSWERS! I WANT FUCKIN' ANSWERS!
Anybody you think is evil?
Yes.
Don't you think that's a little psycho? A little weird?
Climb the corporate ladder, boy. Don Rocco.
Donna's gonna be angry about her cat.
Shit. She's on every drug know to man. She'd have sold that thing for a dime bag. Screw her. But I do kinda feel like an ass-hole.
She ain't been around in weeks anyhow.
Listen. Something's been bothering me about last night.
What?
Well... what if your boss knew how many guys were supposed to be there... in that room?
What are you saying?
Think about it man. Nine men, six bullets.
You think they sold me out? No way.
He probably knew you'd end up nailing the fat guy, maybe one or two more, but he had to know you weren't walking out of there. Figure it out. Shooter's dead on the scene. No in-depth investigation. It'd slide right off his back. 'Cause as much as I love ya, you're not exactly Don Corleone. What would he be losing? A thirty- five year
No, no. That's just not the way things are done. Besides, how's he know I don't just get in there see there's too many and just serve em their fuckin' food and beat it?
He knows you, man. He knows all you want is to move up. That's all. A smooth hitter woulda gone in there, seen it was a wash and slipped out. But a guy like you? Knowin' this is your only chance? Waitin' eighteen years?
No. No man. That's... that's... you don't know what you're talking about. That's bullshit. I know these guys. I mean, thanks for your concern, but that just ain't the thing of it.
Do me a favor and roll it around for a bit on your way in.
Pack your shit! We gotta get outta here! We gotta get out!
What happened?
What did I fuckin' do?... in the middle of the Lakeview.
Anybody see ya?
Yeah, well...
I guess we really don't have a system of deciding who.
What the fuck are you doing?
What? What is it?
Oh man. You gotta let me do these guys. I'm such a moron. I gotta make up for the tit thing.
No way. I've been waitin' for this asshole.
You guys gotta teach me that prayer, man. That's some good shit.
Forget it. It's a family prayer. My father, his father before him that sort of shit.
Who the fuck was he, Rocco? I know you fuckin' know!
Look again for fuck sake!
Shit.
They got nothing.
You little fuck. Let him go. I'll drop you right here.
Okay, just calm down. He could hurt us, brother. He could ruin the whole thing.
Let him go or I will deliver you, right now.
You guys?
We're here brother.
Hello.
Mother, is that you?
Is that worthless brother of your there? I want you both ta hear this.
It's all your fault. Both you little bastards. I was a fool to believe you would bring me any peace. The day your Da left us when you were almost too young to remember, he said the two of you would do me right and make me proud, but he was wrong and I got nothin' ta live for.
I finally found your Da's army revolver, Connor.
What?! What are you doin'?
I want ta tell ya one last thing before I pull the trigger.
No ma! No!
How's Uncle Sibeal?
Well, we tried ta make friends and she gave me a shot ta the nuts.
What... the dirty bitch! I hope ya trounced her a good one!
Yeah, we promise.
Still bickerin' over that, huh?
Come on, ma. Out with it. Who came out first?
You guys are not under oath, here. I am assuming you knew these two guys from before, huh?
We... met them last night.
So, how is it that you guys are fluent in Russian?
We paid attention in school.
Well, we could try the bag over the head thing. Walk you right out the front.
Well, the light caught the side of his face for a second. And it looked like he had a gray beard, maybe... late fifties, early sixties.
So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns? A-and he was a senior fucking citizen?
I think it's better if we find this man before he finds us again.
I'll see what I can do. How do I get in touch with you?
We're going to hit Poppa Joe tonight, right in the comfort of his own home. Then we move on to New York. It's getting a bit hot for us here.
Be careful.
We're alive.
What are you going to do?
We're going to turn ourselves in. It was self defense.
Hold this shit for us, Doc. We'll be comin back for it when we get out.
Would someone please come over here and...
Fuck!
me up the...
I do believe the Monsignor finally got a point.
Hey Murphy?
Aye.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many?
No fuckin' hot water man. That...
Aaaww, shit!... evil woman!
Oh, Jesus.
I gave him his first lesson in sensitivity toward the fairer sex just today.
Don't even do it, ya bastard.
He got beat up by a girl.
All right, love ya ma. Listen, before ya go just give us the goods, eh?
"What do we tell him about the guns and money?"
"We just got up and left. Bum musta rolled them before the police got there."
A p-penny saved is worth two in the bush.
Listen fellas, Y'know he's got 'til this week's end. Ya don't have ta be hard asses, do ya?
"Now, that wasn't too polite, was it?"
How do you think he figured all this out without talking to us?
I have no idea. Maybe someone saw and talked.
German. Not in our neighborhood, man. A hundred percent Irish. No one talks to cops. Period.
Absolutely not.
Destroy all that which is evil...
Know what we need, man?... some rope.
For what?
Charlie Bronson's always got rope.
What?
Yeah, these guys always got a lot of rope strapped around em in the movies and they always end up using it.
Oh, you've lost it, haven't ya?
I'm serious.
Me too. That's stupid. Name one thing we're gonna need it for.
I don't know they just always need it.
Is that right, Rambo?
Nervous?
A bit.
See. I told you there'd be a shaft.
Where the fuck are you going?
We'll find it. Just calm down.
We're doing some serious shit here. Now, get a hold of yourself, asshole.
Asshole!? I'm not the rope-totin' Charlie Bronson wanna-be that's getting' us lost!
That was way easier than I thought.
Aye.
On TV ya always get that asshole that jumps behind the couch.
Yeah, and ya gotta shoot at him for ten minutes.
Oh, we're good man.
Nine bodies.
Mafiosos getting caught with 20 kilos and walkin' on bail the same day.
Little girls catchin' stray bullets in their heads, playin' hopscotch in their front yards. And everyone thinks the same thing... Someone should just go kill those motherfuckers.
Where are you goin'? Did you tell him?
Yes.
Who did you kill?
So what do you think?
We've teamed up with a sex offender.
Give the guy a shot.
There he goes. Okay, gentlemen. Are we ready to bring this man into the light? Are we ready to truly do the work of the Lord?
That's the guy that got us off the hook with the "Checkov" thing.
He isn't to be touched.
Now, you will receive us.
We do not ask for your poor or your hungry.
We do not want your tired and sick.
It is your corrupt we claim.
It is your evil, who will be sought by us.
With every breath we shall hunt them down.
Each day we will spill their blood till it rains down from the skies.
Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace.
These are not polite suggestions. They are codes of behavior and those that ignore them will pay the dearest cost.
There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth Not to push the bounds and cross over into true corruption... into our domain.
For if you do, there will come the day when you look behind you and see we three. And on that day you will reap it.
I prefer to be called Rozengurtle by men.
Okay, just cut off as much fat as you can as it goes by and the rule of thumb here is...
Rule of thumb?
Yeah?
I knew you two pricks would give me problems. Give me shit cause I'm a woman. I'm not gonna take your male dominance bullshit!
Baumgartner sound Irish to you, fuck face?
Holy shit. You're the first one that's ever got that.
And number three, Dolly.
Uh... two shooters!
So, what do we do now?
She was in here when it went down.
Can she I.D. them?
They were wearing masks.
Of course they were. How many?
Only two did the shooting. So what are you thinking, Russian retaliation?
Maybe the three of them had something in common.
And it's the same story over here. Why the crossover? Theories.
The shooter knew these guys, huh?
How do you figure?
No! Fuck you! You start getting excited! We gotta fucking go!
What?
Where's my cat?
I killed your fuckin' cat, you druggie bitch!
You... oh god, why?
I felt it would bring closure to our relationship!
Your what?! Your fuckin' what?!
My, my...
Your what, bitch? I'll shoot myself in the head, you can tell me that cats name! Go ahead... Your what? Your precious little...
Pee...Per...Man.
Peeperman? WRONG? What color was it?!!!
It was... It was...
So what are you thinkin' here?
So Duffy, got any theories to go with that... tie.
These guys were pros. I think they were coming for one target, the fag man, he was the...
The what man?
The fat man.
Well, Freud was right. So you think they came for the fag man, huh? And what do you base this upon?
He was the only one done right. Two in the back of the head.
And the pennies?
New hitman wants to leave his mark
That's a possibility. Y'know you Boston cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Another possibility is that they were placed there with religious intent.
Yeah. Some cultures still put pennies in the eyes of the dead, or silver.
The Greeks. The Italians.
The two bullets went in here, through the top of the skull, criss-crossed and exited through the eyeballs. This one clue tells us three distinct facts. Number one... Duffy.
They shot him at a downward angle. They put him on his knees.
Now stay with me, boys. What did they do to make two such identical wounds? Did one guy put him on his knees, pop a cap in, sit him back up and shoot him again the same way? No. Two men of similar height dropped this guy down, each put some iron to his head and boom! That's all she fuckin' wrote!
What about one guy with two guns?
Now, what is this going to look like to those who do not know what I just told you?
It's gonna look like the bad guys are killing each other.
Allow me to enlighten you gentlemen to the protocol of the porno industry, as I'm sure you've never been in one of these places before. A man goes into the booth, puts the money in the slot. The dancer gets it on the other side. She hits the button, door goes up, now there is only glass between you and it's little fireman time.
No way they could have seen it?
Jesus. I just can't think anymore. That scene over at the coffee shop today tapped me out.
What?
A guy went nuts over off of Commonwealth today. Shot three guys to death in a coffee shop in broad daylight. Fled the scene. Don't have much on him.
These two fucking scenes are related. Too many coincidences. Same day? Five hours apart? Dead mobsters on both scenes. Now, why did he kill the bartender?
Crime of passion. He just went nuts. He would have shot everyone in here. He just ran out of bullets.
Duffy. This look like a fucking post office to you? This guy came in here with intent. Maybe he didn't know exactly what he was gonna do but he had a pretty good idea. The bartender wasn't a fucking accident.
Well, we didn't get any help on that. A lot of people saw it. Nobody's talking.
That's one big fuckin' shoe!... and think about it. Of all the ways to kill a guy, crushin' him to death. That's very particular. You don't get many of those. I dunno. I feel something big here. I wouldn't be surprised if we see more of these turning up.
Brilliant. So now we got a Huge guy theory and Serial crusher theory. Top fucking notch. What's your name?
Who the...
Twist of lemon!
Chief, what the fuck is this?
He's struck again, hasn't he, Greenly?
Why do you always disrespect me like that?
How many bodies, Greenly?
While Greenly's getting coffee, anybody else want anything?
Uh. Shit, I, uh...
After talking to the dancer we know that their mark was the guy in the middle booth. After she watches them whack him, she passes out. Why the two extra victims?
Witness?
They weren't related. The guy used a 38. No pennies. Totally amateur.
Who were the victims?
A couple of peons for the mob and...
What if it was just one guy with six guns?
What the...?
Oh my god!
Oh, she's quite proud of herself.
It's only 11:00 here boys so I got lot's more drinkin' ta do with your worthless relatives down at the Anvil.
But he's been havin' himself a nip or two as well... Been up the waitress' skirt all night, poor girl.
Promise me boys.
Right now.
This is some heavy shit. This is like Lone Ranger-heavy man. Fuck it! There's so much shit that pisses me off. You guys should recruit 'cause I am sick and fuckin' tired of walkin' down the street waitin' for one of these assholes to get me, y'know?
Hallelujah, Jaffar.
Well fuck, you guys could do this every day.
You fuckin' guys. You ruined me. I'm fuckin' done. Permanent package boy.
Who says that? You could take credit on it.
What are you serious?
Hey. You don't know that shit for sure.
Oh, Jesus. You're such a fuckin' retard!
Fuck you!
Use your brain for once. Is it so unbelievable they don't care about you? You are fuckin' dead, you go in there today. Dead!
Fuck it! What kind of flowers ya want at your funeral? Ya dumb Wop. This is the last time I'll see you. Bye-bye ya stupid son of a bitch.
Hello?
Hey Murph.
Roc. You okay?
Yeah. Anybody call for me?
No. You sure you're okay?
Hello?
Hey, Murph.
Roc. You okay?
Yeah. Anybody call for me?
No. You sure you're okay?
Hurry the fuck up!
This is some crazy shit, man!
Those rat fucks! All of them were all laughing at me man!
Liberating isn't it?
Vincenzo, that fat motherfucker, Yakavetta's right hand. He's the one who set me up. Then he went around shooting his mouth off, telling everyone I was as good as dead. He goes in there every Wednesday night around 10:00, he jerks off in the same booth to the same titty dancer. Never misses.
So?
Well, truth be known, those first ones just kinda fell into our laps.
You look like Mush Mouth from Fat Albert.
Worst day of my life, man.
Well he sure as fuck knew you!
Shit!... Shit! He ain't here.
What the fuck do you mean?
You bet your ass he will.
Hey! We gotta talk about this early morning church shit.
We'll keep going, Roc.
Hello? You there?
Why have you come to a church for council if you're not religious?
Why have I come to a church? I never have before. I guess I just... felt I should.
What is it my son?
It's ethics. I put evil men behind bars, but the law has miles of red tape and loopholes for these... cocksuckers to slip through. I've found out there are these two young men who fix the situation with an iron fist. As if they have God's permission. But what they do is wrong and I should arrest them... technically.
But in this day and age I believe what they do is... necessary. I feel it is... correct.
You believe?
Yes.
You feel?
Yes.
Has he now?
You have entered the house of the Lord of your own free will speaking of beliefs and feelings. Is it so much to believe that God has brought you here?
I guess not.
You're right.
Those who do not act are in a constant state of ethical indecision.
I want to stand for what I believe in, father.
Then you must find out what your beliefs are.
I believe these young men are right.
You know them personally?
Yes.
Do you think they would harm an innocent man, for any reason?
The laws of God are higher than the laws of man.
Yes! Yes! I was thinking that, too. No. I was feeling it. All I needed was to hear you say it! Amen! I'll help them.
Forgive me father.
You gonna do what I say, got it?
Yes.
I'm sorry you're gonna hafta see this. Don't look at me!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't see.
Don't do this my son.
Open it!
Have you no fear of God?
Father, I'll do you right here.
Do your thing Father. Don't fuck this up.
What do you want me to say?
Just be natural, goddamit.
I wouldn't have, uh, killed you, Father. Dominus Ominus. Remember, you're bound. You can't talk about this... to anyone.
Poppa Joe, you want me to go now?
Hey, Rocco, wait. Come back here.
I always see you talking to the boys and making them laugh. They always come around telling me what a crack up you are. What is it they call you?
The... The funny man.
The funny man. Well, I got a new job for you, just for now. Roc, I'm having a real shitty day. I'm depressed. Tell me a funny story or a joke.
Uh. Okay... um... you hear the one about the, no fuck that one... uh... oh! oh! Well... shit. Okay, there's a white guy. He's walkin' along the beach and he finds a, a pot, y'know and ah, he rubs it and this genie pops out. But this genie, he's a ni... he's a black guy.
He's a nigger.
Continue the joke.
Well, it's the funny man. Give it here, package boy.
Joey Bevo said it was important. Said I had to give it to him myself.
I'm Rocco. I'm the funny man. Heee Hee. I'm so fuckin' funny. Hee Hee.
Fuck you Vincenzo.
Tell me a joke funny man. Hee Hee.
What color hair does he have?
Black hair. Paul Michael Glaser.
Making Hutch David Soul?
Right. The blond guy.
OK. That's wrong.
Dignan, it's --
Plus where's Huggie Bear?
He's not there. Huggie Bear isn't in every single episode.
I think you might of dreamed this one, Anthony.
Why?
As part of his plan. I don't know why.
See, that's what I'm saying. It has the logic of a dream.
The point is the killer always goes, May I speak to Starsky? He says his name.
What does Starsky say?
He says. This is he.
This is he?
Did you see what I meant about the window?
Kind of. Except we've already got the keys.
That's true. But what if they change the locks?
Would they do that?
Now that window can never be locked. It's impossible.
She's really kind of hot.
It's got a V-8, Dignan.
Anthony, we'll get two hundred for the coin collection alone. That's less than what it's appraised at.
But Dignan, do you really know that much about rare coins?
The list, Dignan. I know you remember the list because you signed it. "Things Dignan was not supposed to touch."
Every valuable item in the house was on that list.
That doesn't make any difference. I bought those earrings for my mother on her birthday. They have a very special value for her.
Yeah, but I can't be sorting through that shit in the middle of a burglary. There's just not time for it.
Where are you going?
I don't appreciate you ridiculing me.
How was I ridiculing you?
You're making fun of my family. You know there's nothing to steal from my mom and Craig. You know exactly what you're saying.
Did you see that?
Yeah, I saw it.
I'm lookout.
Dignan, it's got an alarm.
I don't think so. Just reach on in.
That sets it off.
It had an alarm.
Yeah, I heard that.
Holy shit. What'd I tell you?
Eight dollars.
But he didn't say anything.
Is it back in?
Loop around real fast.
OK. Escape route. The most important thing you can have is an escape route. Just in case somebody's tailing us. Or even chasing us, as the case may be --
You think we're going to be chased?
Now. One thing we need to discuss is timing. Timing is absolutely crucial. What are you doing? Anthony!
Anthony, give me the fucking gun!
Dignan, calm down.
You're out! I'm not working with either one of you!
Calm down. Take a deep breath.
Where's the manager?
Where's the other stocker?
There's another stocker, right?
Is that the manager?
Holy shit.
What about what that guy said?
I swear to God. In a very quiet voice.
Like he meant it.
Yeah.
Like he would find Dignan. One day.
What's wrong with him?
What do you think?
Anthony, he sat in the car and watched a 4-11 in progress. He got what he deserved.
He was the driver, Dignan. He did what he's supposed to do.
I didn't realize you were so sensitive to Bob's feelings. Considering I did the plans, you're actually lucky you got --
Can I get that credit card from you?
I don't like to use that credit card, Dignan.
Why not?
Because my mom gets the bill.
She's not going to notice, Anthony.
I don't want to use it.
Well, then cut it in half.
I keep it for emergencies.
See if mine are in there.
Dignan, those aren't running shoes.
Yes, they are.
Look at the treads on those.
What about them?
They obviously weren't designed for racing.
Really. OK, Dad. But seriously, Anthony. These are fast shoes.
You've never had a pair of fast shoes in your life, Dignan. In fifth grade Dignan used to wear cowboy boots for P.E.
That's real cool, Anthony. Yeah, I wore boots. My parents wouldn't buy me any $200 running shoes like yours. I wasn't spoiled.
Don't call me spoiled, Dignan.
I'll just say it.
I'll say it.
OK. Go ahead.
You owe me fifty bucks.
Look, man. She didn't know anything about shirts.
No, I'm not saying her. I'm just saying, I don't know.
Armored trucks are very difficult to steal, Anthony.
I know. But once you get inside you're home free.
Right. Get back to me on that one. Once your plan is worth a shit.
It's not a plan. It's just --
Actually. If you knew the exact route, you could plant explosives under a manhole cover and blow it up as it went over.
Yeah, but you wouldn't have the truck if you blew it up.
Dignan, I can't get my hair cut. That's just not possible, all right?
No, Dignan. I'm sorry. I can't do that.
I thought you guys went to get your hair cut.
This is Inez. Carmen. Anita.
Hi.
Inez, this is --
May I have a word with you, please?
What the fuck is going on here?
What. What's the matter?
Anthony, we're on the run from the law here. Did you tell these people your real name?
No. I didn't. Dignan, they don't speak English.
They don't?
No. Not really. Inez speaks a little.
Which one was that?
She's from Cuba.
He needs to hire an attorney.
Now that makes sense. We'll hang out for a couple of days. Get a little R&R. Make sure Future Man's OK and then get back on the road.
As long as he gets out OK.
Obviously. That's a given.
See, now we've got a plan.
See, one day we were playing hot box over at my next door neighbor Mr. Langston's house and Anthony fell in the pool and got knocked unconscious. I had to dive in and save him.
This was in fourth grade.
Mr. Langston performed cardiopulmonary recitation. CPR. I've never said this before, but frankly I thought Anthony was dead. The veins in his face were all sticking out. His skin was blue. He truly did look dead.
After that my parents never let me go to Dignan's again.
But if it wasn't for Dignan I probably would of died.
He's gone. He stole the car.
Where was it parked?
That coward. Son of a bitch.
Maybe he just went to the store.
He went back for his brother.
We said 48 hours.
When'd he tell you?
This morning.
Where was I?
You were asleep.
He told you and you let him do it.
He told me because he wanted to know if I wanted to go.
If you wanted to go? What were you going to do? Just leave me here by myself?
Well, I didn't do it, did I?
So when you were saying Bob's at the store and acting real surprised, that was just an act. You were just --
Bob went to help his brother. I understand that and I can't help it if you don't.
I understand that if I had a few more friends like you and Bob I'd be dead.
If you'd gone with Bob you'd probably be in Weatherford by now. Of course I'd be here frantically worrying thinking you must of got kidnapped.
I didn't realize you had such an incredible ability to feel sorry for yourself, Dignan.
We're going over to this bar if you feel like going.
Why don't you come with us.
I can't believe he just jumped you.
I wish I'd been there.
Man. I'm sorry. We just went for a walk --
I don't really feel like talking about it. The only thing I feel like is getting the fuck out of this place.
I have an idea for that.
What?
Inez has a master key to all these rooms, doesn't she? Doesn't she?
I don't think we can do that.
I know we can. It's real simple. We go into a room, grab some car keys and --
What I'm saying is she wouldn't go for that.
She doesn't need to know.
I don't know, Dignan. I just --
Look. I'm ready to get the fuck out of here. It's real torture for me to be here. Getting the shit kicked out of me by Mexicans.
Shh.
No one to back me up. Now I have a good idea. So unless you come up with something better --
I don't think we need any keys, Dignan. I think I can hotwire a car for us.
You don't know how to hotwire.
Yes, I do. Bob taught me.
Bob taught you how to get electrocuted.
I think we better go home.
Don't panic, Anthony.
I'm not. But there's --
You can't just run home every time things get tough. First of all, we've got enough dough to --
Our money situation is not good.
You're so spoiled. What is "not good" to you? Only a few hundred --
We've got sixteen dollars.
Sixteen dollars.
I know.
I had to give some to Inez.
How much?
You gave $383 to the goddamn housekeeper! What the fuck is your problem?
She needed it.
A $500 tip! For the housekeeper!
Her name's Inez. Stop calling her the housekeeper.
That's what she is!
I know that. But --
You're in love with the fucking housekeeper!
Shut up!
When'd you get back?
Who's in the car?
That's Applejack. You want to meet him?
Applejack would of got him anyway. This was just the quicker way.
I want you to look at this.
What is it?
It's big, Anthony. Real big. It's called Hinckley Cold Storage.
Mr. Henry has an inside source. We call him Steve. That's where we get our information.
Who's Mr. Henry?
What exactly is this place? Freezers?
What time did he say to be here?
You could give somebody a concussion.
What do you think?
Dignan. Take it easy.
He doesn't want to fight.
Get out of the way.
No fighting. It wasn't Bob's fault.
Shit, Dignan.
What the fuck are we doing out here?
I don't know, Dignan. You went crazy.
OK. Man in blue jeans just left by southwest door. He is entering a white van. What time is it?
Eleven fifteen.
OK. Mark that down.
God. Isn't this great? Working on the job. Got a wheel man. Got a safecracker. Good friends with Mr. Henry.
Yeah. It's pretty good.
Next week we'll be drinking piña coladas.
Or I might end up with a broken nose.
I'll try not to hold you back tomorrow.
I don't think you will.
I don't want to be too much of a liability.
Look, you're going to do fine. It's OK to be scared.
He was a nice guy.
Do you like Inez?
As a person?
Yeah. As a girl.
Yes. I do.
Bird Dog to Scarecrow. Bird Dog to Scarecrow.
Go ahead, Bird Dog.
You're all clear.
Roger.
We all set?
Uh-huh?
Take your second position.
I'm in position, Scarecrow.
Any activity?
Not at all. The place is totally deserted.
Good. It's supposed to be.
I've got a great view up here. I can see all the --
I don't know.
What's happening? What's going on?
Who did that? What the fuck is that?
It's going back down.
Freeze!
Nobody move!
Help me move him.
Who tripped the alarm?
It's the fire alarm. Somebody pulled the fire alarm.
Where's Kumar?
I don't know.
What are you doing?
Wait for Kumar.
You're kidding.
Come on.
I'll see you there.
What?
I'll see you there.
What are you talking about?
I'll get him.
There's not enough time.
Dignan, it's too late.
Like amnesia.
So is Mr. Henry going to come by and see me or anything?
I don't think so. I mean. Actually, he robbed Bob's house.
He did?
Yeah.
You got to be kidding me.
I'm not kidding.
What'd he get?
Pretty much everything.
You think Applejack knew?
Why?
Mr. Henry never gave you a test, did he?
What do you mean?
You're living on a sailboat?
It belongs to Bob's uncle.
How big is it?
Where?
Does it float?
So how is it in there?
What's he in for?
I think I may have found a way out of here.
You're kidding.
No. I'm not.
How?
Shhh. Wait for my instructions.
When we go through the next gate you'll have 30 seconds to take out the tower guard.
What?
Have the car running at the north- west checkpoint. Bob and I'll --
Scale the barricade and tunnel through no man's land. And Bob. Remember:
Scale the --
This is my business manager, Rowboat.
Nice to meet you.
That's a sharp jacket.
It's hard to get much spin with this kind of paddle.
You know, your form is for shit, but you've got a hell of a talent.
Every once in a while some cat comes to me. He wants to know how I made it. How did I become a success? The first thing I tell them is: follow your instincts. Let your instincts guide you. The second thing I tell them is, for Christ's sake: you got to know your grammar.
You mean like techniques?
I'd like to live in that place. Hinckley Cold Storage.
You mean a safecracker?
Look at that woman. She's what? Fifty? Fifty-five? But she hasn't let herself go. I appreciate an older woman who has a commitment to her body.
Tell me something. What the hell kind of name is Dignan?
I'm not really sure. I think it's Irish. Or maybe --
I guess what I'm trying to say is what the hell kind of person is this Dignan?
What do you mean what kind of person? He's a good person.
Sure, sure. He's a great person, and I'd call bullshit on anybody who said differently. But I wonder if the kid has the goods up here.
I don't think you're giving him enough credit. I know sometimes he doesn't think an idea through. He gets too excited. But --
And you're wrong if you think, I'd turn my back on a friend.
Congratulations. You passed the test.
What do you mean?
That was a test?
How does that feel?
Did Dignan take the test?
Yes, he did.
Well, he agreed 100% that Bob should be dropped. And he also agreed you were a liability. But he felt his talent would make up for your weaknesses.
I'll tell you, Anthony. Times like this I get philosophical. What does it mean? What's it all about? Are you afraid to die?
Me?
No, that door over there.
I don't want to die.
Are you afraid?
Yeah. I mean, I don't think about it all the time. But once in awhile I kind of go, Woah. Man.
Exactly. Woah.
Death.
The fear of death, The pain of consciousness. Did you mix this martini?
No. Bob did.
Bob. Bob. That's a palindrome. I love palindromes.
Are you afraid to die, Mr. Henry?
This is good.
But you're thieves. It's what you are.
Yeah.
We're renegades from despair.
Can I ask you something, Mr. Henry?
Absolutely.
Why'd you want to help us?
Future Man.
Who?
Did you ever steal a car before?
What do herbs have to do with it? I don't understand the --
In your backyard? How do you protect them?
It's private property. Plus I have Hector.
Hector woudn't do anything.
Could you grow cinnamon?
I don't know. Sure, I guess.
Let them fight.
Are you serious?
See you.
You'll probably have them the rest of your life.
What the fuck is Dignan doing with that cop? He loves them.
There's a million places to hide around here.
Oh, yeah. They'll never catch the guy.
I hope not.
Where you going?
Why don't you just tell them the truth. Those belong to my neighbor Phil.
I don't know. I personally don't need that shit in my life right now.
Will you guys shut up? God. It's like having two little kids in the car.
You think he got my license plates?
How long are they going to hold him?
Anthony, I --
What?
Bob, where you going?
I'm not playing any more golf.
Why not?
Cause I'm not getting any better. It's a waste of time.
You've only been playing for two weeks, Bob. It takes a long time to learn this game.
You think I'm improving?
You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.
No, I don't mind.
I know it must of been a bad experience. But it doesn't sound like it was your fault.
It took six months of research. I did all the wiring myself. Switched AC to DC. Doubled the voltage. Shorted out the generator. The whole school was shut down.
That's pretty complicated for a senior prank.
At first they were going to charge me with manslaughter. That's partly why I was in custody so long. Sixty days.
Sixty days?
Yeah. One minute you're studying Great Expectations and the next minute you're drawing the Holy Mary for some kid who tried to stab his girlfriend.
Why were you drawing the Holy Mary?
I thought he didn't have to pay anything because of the technicality.
Yeah, but he still has the aggravation. Three days sitting in a cell.
Were you adopted, Bob?
Why do you say that?
Well, because you guys don't look alike.
Was Future Man adopted?
Let's not even talk about it.
Yeah. Let's keep it --
Give him a second.
You OK, Bob?
No, I'm having a heart attack. Of course, I'm OK. What's that supposed to mean?
No, I know. I'm just saying. I feel fine. You want a piece of cake?
What are you doing?
My walkie talkie's busted. I can't tell what's going on.
Let me see it. Did you drop it?
Jesus, Bob.
Yeah.
We think Mr. Henry maybe --
It's in the driveway.
How do you say nineteen?
Dies y nueve.
Are you ever scared of finding a dead body in one of these rooms?
No.
Were you born in Mexico?
Cuba.
Does my skin feel soft, Anthony?
What? What?
Like silk?
Nice to meet you, Applejack.
You're Anthony?
Yeah.
Did you ever hear of the S. Cooper Trust robbery?
Uh-uh.
S. Cooper Trust, in San Francisco?
Let's go, Abdul-Shabazz.
I can knock a man out with a six inch punch.
What do you mean?
Where'd they come from?
The front stairs.
There's a lot of valuable shit in there, Applejack. The silver and the china. The crystal. And the grandfather clock. Goddammit, I bet that clock's worth ten grand.
Why the fuck do we need to blow up the car? It doesn't make any goddamn sense.
Just settling an old score. You might say revenge.
That sounds like a lot of bullshit that'll land us in jail.
We might have to take that chance. Cause I feel pretty strongly about this.
Is that him?
That's Anthony.
That's your friend Anthony?
Yeah.
What's he doing here?
Wait. Did he see us?
Mr. Henry pulled that job in 1965. It's famous. Applejack was the wheel man. Did you use this same car, Applejack?
I don't know why the fuck we're having a party. The damn job's not over yet.
Well, this isn't really a party per se.
You don't celebrate til it's over.
What?
Are you a fag?
Dignan and Anthony, this is Little Richard. He's crazy. Totally nuts.
I don't know about that.
Little Richard. Trust me. You're insane. Jesus, this guy used to carry a percussion bomb around in his trunk. You do not want a guy like that loose on the streets.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, what do you think?
I'm not allowed to drive those.
Not even for emergencies?
No.
I thought your parents were in Italy.
They are.
So who's going to know?
He looks like he was designed by scientists. For desert warfare.
That never would of --
If you're that worried, maybe we should just steal one.
What are you talking about, Bob?
You stole a Trans-Am.
Yes. I did.
OK, Bob.
It's true, Dignan.
Well. What do you want to do? You want to steal one or just drive your car?
How much could you grow? Realistically.
As much as I want. When these plants bud I'll probably have about six thousand dollars worth of weed.
Six thousand dollars? Come on, Bob.
If it's that easy why doesn't everybody grow them?
Don't you guys tell anybody about my plants.
You're paranoid, Bob.
What was that all about?
I can't believe you said that.
What did I say?
The guy is fucking insane.
I warned you, Dignan.
You said it like it was a big joke, Bob. Like he's wild.
No, I was saying crazy like a lunatic.
I know that now. He's a fucking psycho.
Well, don't blame me. I told you.
Where'd she go?
I think we might of scared her.
I'm going to take a look at this.
Hang on. This is important, Bob. Anthony and I are responsible for the internal situation. The money and the people. You're responsible for the external situation. The streets and the getaway.
That's my responsibility.
That's your domain.
Bob.
I'm paying attention. I just want to look at it for a minute.
What's your fucking problem? You're a shithead!
I paid for it.
He doesn't get it. Held never understand what we're trying to accomplish here. It's too dangerous for him.
Well, in reality it's not that dangerous, Bob. It's only dangerous if you don't know what you're doing.
You know, Bob, Anthony did kill someone. He electrocuted our janitor senior year.
He electrocuted someone?
It was an accidental. I don't want to go into the details. It was just one of those senior pranks that didn't really go right. I mean, obviously, since Swifty's dead. That's why Anthony never graduated.
His name was Swifty?
Yeah. One of the nicest old guys you'd ever know.
That's too bad.
What are you doing?
What happened?
Shhh. Slow down, Bob. Drive natural.
This is natural.
That's good. Keep it at forty.
Did we get it?
How much is there?
Was Dignan screaming like, Get me a bag!
You really think he'll remember you?
Bob, will you please listen?
I mean, Jesus Christ, Bob. You didn't have some vicious lunatic screaming, "I'm going to remember you!"
That's true. That would give me nightmares.
Way to go, Bob!
I told you they were there.
In all probability nothing would of happened. But why take the chance? That's why I ran. I mean how many plants were even back there? Five? Ten?
Shit, Bob. What the fuck did you do that for?
Is he chasing us?
I'm sure he did. We'll have to get new plates.
It's registered in my mother's name.
What the fuck possessed you?
Bob. Are you coming?
You can go first, Bob.
My brother's in jail.
The weed.
But it's not his. How can they arrest Future Man?
I don't think they can make it stick, Bob. I mean, what do they actually have on Future Man?
Well, the marijuana crop is a good start.
That could be anybody's.
They also found my two beam scale in the garage.
Since when is it a crime to have a scale in your house? Everybody has a scale.
The cops say it's a special kind of scale drug dealers use in selling marijuana.
So tell them the truth. What do you use it for?
How long has he been in there?
I don't know.
Then how come they haven't set the bail yet? That's unconstitutional.
What do you mean get back?
Well, obviously, we got to go back.
Bob, that makes no sense.
Dignan, he's my brother. I can't just leave him there.
This could be a trap.
Come on, Dignan.
Don't "Come on, Dignan" me.
I'm going back.
Not in that car you're not.
Watch me.
Give me the keys, Dignan.
I can't do that, Bob.
Dignan. You're going to give me those keys or you're going to get hurt.
Don't threaten me, Bob.
Future Man would never go to jail for you, I'll tell you that.
His name's not Future Man, Dignan.
I know it's not.
You don't even know his name.
Yes, I do.
What is it?
Just get in the car, Bob.
What's his name?
It's not your decision and he's not your brother, Dignan.
You've got a beautiful walk, Bob.
Dignan.
Hey, Dignan. How's it going?
Not bad.
Come on in. What you been up to?
It's too bad about what happened on the road.
Right. It was extremely stupid.
I don't expect an apology and I don't even want one. I just want us to --
I can't fucking believe this guy. An apology, Bob?
You said 48 hours!
I never agreed to that.
Bob, you're lying!
Bullshit.
Come on!
It wasn't your fault, Bob. You had your brother.
I'm sorry, Bob.
That's OK.
Come on, Bob.
I know it, man. Hang on.
Scarecrow?
Everything OK?
Yeah. We're in the elevator. How's it look back there?
It looks pretty good. There's nobody back here.
I couldn't hear anything.
What's wrong with Applejack?
He's having a heart attack or something.
Is he breathing?
Jesus Christ. What the fuck is that?
I didn't think there was an alarm.
The elevator broke.
Where's Applejack?
Applejack drove.
I said to the DA, That cop who hit me must of given me CRS disease.
What's that?
Do you have your own room?
We don't have rooms, Bob. We have cells.
Do you have your own cell?
Do they let you --
Hold on --
Here we go.
Wait a second --
How's that 700 bucks coming?
I'm working on it.
Fancy seeing you here, Bob.
I might have mentioned it.
John, I'm twenty-six years old I didn't run away from home.
I know, Bob. You were on a secret mission.
I'd appreciate it if you didn't go around telling people lies about me.
How you doing, Bob?
You keeping out of trouble?
I'm trying.
Your brother was up here the other day. He said you ran away from home.
He said what?
He said you ran away from home.
How long do you have to go?
26 weeks.
And what does that cover?
Social issues. Crime prevention.
Ground defense.
Dignan. Good to see you. Good to see you Applejack. Who are you?
This is Anthony Adams, Mr. Henry.
Is he in?
What do you mean grammar?
The grammar?
Crowd control. Crowd control. Wake up, guys.
Oh, yeah.
Is he good?
Join the party, fellas.
You got to have fun with it. There's no point if you're not having any fun. Would you like me to be there tomorrow?
Yes.
Why?
Well, I think --
Where did he go?
Who? Applejack?
Why did he go that way?
What's the story?
Can't get it. It won't...
We're closed, sir.
Where's that guy going?
He left his sweater.
Well, I left some money in there.
Where?
Where is he? Where is Rob?
I don't know. Maybe in literature. That's his section.
Hello, my friend. You in the Army, yes?
No. I just have short hair.
Is that your chiquita?
No, my friend knows her.
You like Chicanos?
You a good pool player.
Got a little lucky.
I don't know.
Guess I'll get another Tecate.
Si. Tecate. You like to fight?
What?
No. Just pool.
You Hoto?
Fuck you. You a Hoto.
No. Me no Hoto. Tecate?
How's the weather down there?
Mr. Henry?
Come on in!
It's locked.
John Mapplethorpe. How are you. Hi.
The world needs dreamers, son.
What?
Well, we'll see you later, Bob.
Pleasure to meet you, John.
You told me Bourne was dead.
There was a mistake.
I'll say. You killed his goddam girlfriend instead. Now they're onto Neski. They're at the Brecker Hotel even as we speak.
Will it track back to us?
No. The files are spotless. Whatever they find, it's just going to make Conklin look worse.
And the Landy woman?
She's done everything I wanted. She bit on Conklin so fast it was laughable. She even found his bogus Swiss account...
Neski was a roadblock. Without me, there's no company, no fortune. You owe me, Uri. One last push.
Leaving was a business decision. We're both rich, come enjoy it.
What do you mean?
Go to the airport. Get a plane. I'll have a brass band waiting for you.
Save it for Bourne.
He left yesterday on the night train. He's probably just getting in now. You'll have to hurry.
Treadstone.
Never heard of it.
That's not gonna fly.
And what are we looking for?
I want to know about Treadstone.
To know about it? It was a kill squad. Black on black. Closed down two years ago. Nobody wants to know about Treadstone. Not around here. You better take this back to Marty and make sure he knows what you're doing.
Let's talk about Conklin.
What are you after, Pam? You want to fry me? You want my desk? Is that it?
I want to know what happened.
What happened? Jason Bourne happened. You've got the files? Then let's cut the crap. It went wrong. Conklin had these guys wound so tight they were bound to snap. Bourne was his number one -- guy went out to work, screwed the op and never came back. Conklin couldn't fix it, couldn't find Bourne, couldn't adjust. It all went sideways. Finally there were no
So you had Conklin killed. I mean, if we're cutting the crap...
I've given thirty years and two marriages to this agency. I've shoveled shit on four continents. I'm due to retire next year and believe me, I need my pension, but if you think I'm gonna sit here and let you dangle me with this, you can go to hell. Marshall too. It had to be done.
And Bourne? Where's he now?
Dead in a ditch? Drunk in a bar in Mogadishu? Who knows?
...Ivan Mevedev -- senior financial manager -- worked for one of the new Russian petroleum companies, Pecos Oil. He claimed to know where the money landed. We believe this could have only happened with help from someone inside the Agency... This...
...this is Conklin's computer.
...At the time of his death, Conklin was sitting on a personal account in the amount of seven-hundred and sixty thousand dollars.
Do you know what his budget was?
Excuse me.
We were throwing money at him. Throwing it at him and asking him to keep it dark.
May I finish?
Conklin might've been a nut, but he wasn't a mole. You have me his calendar for a couple of days, I'll prove he killed Lincoln. This is supposed to be definitive?
What's definitive, is that I just lost two people in Berlin!
Berlin!
I've already got a team there. I doubt Bourne's in Naples to settle down and raise a family.
You don't know what you're getting into here.
Call a Mayday into Berlin station. We need snipers, DOD, whatever they got. Snipers?
Hold on -- he said he wants to come in.
My ass he does. You're playing with fire, Pamela. Marshall said nail him to the wall. I don't know how you interpreted that, but I don't think he meant repatriate him.
Don't you want answers?
So what's he doing? You believe him?
It's hard to swallow. The confusion -- the amnesia -- but he keeps on killing? It's more calculated than sick. What about Nicky? She's the last one to see Bourne in Paris. She's the one he asks for. They disappear...
Sorry to wake you.
What?
They found Danny Zorn's body. Dead in the basement at the building where my people got hit the first time.
Oh, God... It must have been Bourne.
Did he say anything to you?
Moscow? What the Hell's he going to Moscow for?
Don't know.
Jesus... I, Zorn... I have to call his family. Tell them...
Sit down.
I'd rather stand if it's all the same to you.
I don't exactly know what to say -- I'm sorry.
'Why' would be enough for me.
I'm not a traitor. I've served my ountry.
And pocketed a fair amount of change while doing it.
Why not? It was just money.
And Danny Zorn, what was that?
Had to be done.
No good options left?
In the end, honestly, it's hubris. Simple hubris. You reach a point in this game when the only satisfaction left is to see how clever you are.
No. You lost your way.
Sir...
She say what time I should call?
I did my box work, but I wanted to show you before I showed Landy. I came out here last night because none of this was making any sense. I mean, I'm with you on this, Conklin was a nut, but a traitor? I just can't get there.
What do you have, Danny?
You put a four-gam Kel on here and it's gonna take out power to the building. You know that. What you can't know, is if it's gonna blow the room with it.
And?
There were two charges, they were supposed to go off simultaneously. The second one, the one that didn't go off, was down here... First of all, this is nothing, it's a sub-line for the breaker above. Second, why put the charge all the way down here? If you're good enough to get in here and handle the gear, you're good enough to know you
It was staged?
Is it a slam dunk? No, but...
Jesus...
Okay. What if someone decided to cover their tracks by blaming Conklin and Bourne. What if Bourne didn't have anything to do with this?
Keep going...
Something's been going on here in Europe. And it's still going on. Post Conklin. Who's been in Berlin?
Lots of people...
Who else knows about this?
Nobody. You. I had to tell you, right?
Show me again...
Sit. Can you... [The chair. Have the chair.]
Of all the people in the world, you're the only one I have anything to offer. That's why I came here.
It's nice. Does this picture mean anything to you? Hmm?
It's nothing. It's just a picture.
No. It's because you don't know how they died.
I would want to know. I would want to know that my mother didn't kill my father. I would want to know that she didn't kill herself.
It changes things. That knowledge. Doesn't it?
Yes...
That's not what happened to your parents.
Then what?
It was my job. My first time. Your father was supposed to be alone. But then your mother, she came out of nowhere... I had to change my plan. You understand me? You don't have to live like that anymore. Thinking that.
They loved you. And I killed them.
How... how can... how can you be here and say this?
It doesn't matter. Your life is hard enough.
You're a liar.
You know I'm not.
YOU'RE A LIAR!
I should kill you... if it's true you should die... I should kill you now!
I can't let you do that either.
Because you're afraid!
I have to go now.
Is this really happening?
I emptied it.
Felt a little light.
Front. Use your teeth.
You still should've moved.
So why didn't you kill me then?
What do you want?
Conklin.
Try again.
You're lying. If it's over, why are they after me?
I don't know.
Who sent you to Greece?
A voice. A voice from the States. Someone new.
Pamela Landy?
I don't know who that is.
What's going on in Berlin?
She really did that? Told you not to kill me? I had a woman once. But after a while, what do you talk about? I mean, for us. The work. You can't tell them who you are...
You called it in?
I'm sorry.
-- car keys?
-- my coat -- but we should --
-- what? --
Where were you, Jason? In the car.
Conklin up front.
I'll get the book.
No. There's nothing new.
You're sure? We should still -- we should write it down.
Two years we're scribbling in a notebook --
-- it hasn't been two years --
We write them down because sooner or later you're going to remember something good.
I'm trying, Marie, Okay?
I worry when you get like this.
It's just a nightmare.
Sleep. Sleep now.
I should be better by now.
You are better. And I think it's not memories at all. It's just a dream you keep having over and over.
But it ends up the same.
No... How?
The Telegraph office.
But we were so careful.
But you're sure?
He was at the campground yesterday.
So...
That's crazy.
No. Not this. This is real. And he's right there...
Where --
...but you're not -- you're not sure...
We can't wait to be sure.
I don't want to move again... I like it here.
Look, we clear out, we get to the shack, we get safe. We hang there awhile. I'll come back. I'll check it out. But right now we can't --
-- where's left to go? --
You drive.
What?
Switch! You drive!
-- where? -
Jesus! -- -- is he back there? --
-- not yet --
-- it's just him? --
-- yeah -- one guy -- I don't think he was ready --
You keep going to the shack. I'll meet you there in an hour.
Where are you going?
I'm going to bail on the other side and wait. This bridge is the only way he can follow.
What if it's not who you think it is?
If he crosses the bridge, it is.
There must be another way!
I warned them, Marie. I told them to leave us alone.
Jason, please don't do this...it won't ever be over like this.
I love you, too.
I wanted to kill him.
But you found another choice.
I did.
It wouldn't have changed the way you feel.
I know it's a dream.
You do?
God, I miss you. I don't know what to do without you.
See that tram coming around the corner?
Yes.
I did... Jason, I swear, I did... I told them... I told them I believed you...
Who is Pamela Landy?
You hear me? I believed you.
Why is she trying to kill me?
How do they know that? How can they know any of that?
What is this, a game?
Say it.
Last week an Agency field officer went to make a buy from a Russian national.
A Russian?
It was Pamela Landy's op. The guy was going to sell-out a mole or something. I haven't been debriefed on exactly what it was.
And you got to him before we could.
I killed him???
You left a print! There was Kel that didn't go off! There was a partial print, they tracked it back to Treadstone! They know it's you!
What was Landy buying? What kind of files? WHAT WAS SHE BUYING?
Why are you here, then?
Please -- I'm only here because of Paris -- because they can't figure out what you're doing -- I'm here because of Abbott --
Abbott?
He closed down Treadstone -- he took care of me after Paris...
So when was I here?
What do you mean?
For Treadstone. In Berlin. You know my file. I did a job here. When?
No. You never worked Berlin.
My first job.
Your first assignment was Geneva.
That's a lie!
No... Jason... please...
I was here!
It's me.
What do you want?
Okay, how do you want to do it?
I want someone I know to take me in.
Who?
Okay, Jason, your move.
Where am I?
Oh, shit...
Why am I alive?
Thank you for your gift. I'm sorry about Marie.
What's that?
Don't need it. I remember everything.
Sounds like a threat.
You didn't answer my question.
We need to get in there.
-- so there were two of these explosive charges placed on the power lines. One of them failed. The fingerprint... That's from the one that didn't go off.
Looks like he's been detained.
Who's going? Us?
There's only a Consulate, they sent a field officer out half an hour ago --
-- Kurt's reopening all the wyfi and sat links --
-- go -- take the van! --
Maybe he just needed a place to spend the night?
Alright... take it down.
What?
We'll know for sure when we get the security tapes.
You're sure?
What? The tapes?
Show me.
Here?
This is everything? Is there.
-- who? -- who else is here? --
-- no! -- not me! -- no other people! --
I'm here. So is Donnie and Jack Weller. We understand you're using the full allocation for this buy?
That's where we came out.
It's a lot of money, Pam.
We're talking raw, unprocessed KGB files. It's not something we can go out and comparison shop.
Still...
Okay, cut to the chase, Pam. What are you selling?
Mr. Nevins?
Who's this?
How long have you worked for the agency?
Me? Four years.
I want that area secured, I want any evidence secured and I want it done now. Is that clear??
Yes, sir -- ma'am...
What kind of problems?
Depression. Anger. Compulsive behaviors. They had physical symptoms -- headaches -- sensitivity to light --
Amnesia?
Good luck.
I'm curious about Bourne. Your interpretation of his condition. You have specific training in the identification and diagnosis of psychological conditions?
Am I a doctor, no, but...
Are you an expert in amnesia?
Look, what do you want me to say? I was there. I believed him.
Believed what?
I believed Jason Bourne had suffered a severe traumatic breakdown.
So he fooled you.
If you say so.
Not good enough. You're the person who floated this amnesia story. Ever feel sorry for him? For what he'd been through?
You're making it out like we're friends here or something. I met him alone twice.
You felt nothing? No spark? Two young people in Paris? Dangerous missions? Life and death?
You mean, did I want a date?
Did you?
These were killers. Conklin had them all jacked up. They were Dobermans.
Some women like Dobermans --
What do you want from me? I was reassigned. I'm out.
I don't think we need to keep looking for him anyway.
And why is that?
Is it fresh?
What do you think? Is he coming in?
I don't know. He was sick. He wanted out. I believed him.
Let's give him half an hour.
So?
Do we know what this says?
Yup... The main word there, the file heading, translates as: Treadstone.
Anything?
No. Munich's a bust. He's loose.
Black coat, possibly leather. Dark slacks. Dark t-shirt. He says they're gonna try and corral the guests on the street over there, and then check them out, but...
Here's what I've got. Remember Vladimir Neski? Russian politician? Seven years ago, he was due to speak to a group of European Oil ministers here at the hotel. He never did. He was murdered.
By who?
His wife. In room 645. Then she shot herself.
We're looking at all Berlin outbound. Good news is, every train station in Berlin has thirty to forty fixed, digital security cameras. Common feed.
Are we hacking or asking?
Yes. In that order.
Someone dead from this household?
We just had a funeral, isn't that what it means in England as well?
What it means in England -- and in Scotland too -- is that rebels have forfeited their lands. We were ambushed last night. But the Scots dragged their dead away.
My brother and nephew perished two days ago, when their hay cart turned over.
Then we'll just have a peek at the wounds. Dig 'em up!
We'll sleep here tonight. You'll come home with me. We'll let the house, and the lands too; plenty of willing neighbors.
I don't want to leave.
Did the priest say anything about the Resurrection? Or was it all about Judgment?
It was in Latin, sir.
What are they doing?
But... what will you do?
I will invade England. And defeat the English on their own ground.
A thousand. You have made me Guardian of Scotland. So I tell you this is what we face.
We must sue for peace.
Peace?!
We cannot defeat this --
With cavalry -- not heavy, like the English, but light, fast horsemen, like you nobles employ -- we could outmaneuver their bowmen!
Sir William. We come to seek a meeting.
You've all sworn to Longshanks.
An oath to a liar is no oath at all. An oath to a patriot is a vow indeed. Every man of us is ready to swear loyalty to you.
So let the council swear publicly.
I will meet you, but only one way -- if Robert the Bruce is there, and puts his hand on my Bible, and swears his loyalty to Scotland.
Young Robert, we are honored --
My father hears that Longshanks has granted prima noctes.
A wise plan. And how is your father? We have missed him at the council.
Does anyone know his politics?
May he rest in peace... You have already sealed the coffin?
He was a modest man.
If I pay homage to another's throne, then how am I a king?
Homage is nothing. It is the crown that matters!
The crown is that of Scotland. And Scotland is William Wallace.
He won't come.
Longshanks promised!
Scottish rebels have routed Lord Bottoms!
What news of the north?
Nothing new, Majesty. We have sent riders to speed any word.
While I am in France fighting to expand your future kingdom I learn that Stirling castle is lost, our entire northern army wiped out! And you have done nothing?!
Wallace has sacked York!
The weapon has been outlawed by the Pope himself!
Now we kill two birds at one stroke. We recruit from Scotland for our armies in France.
The Scots will fight for us?
What choice do they have? Now they must serve us or starve.
But if we have not caught Wallace --
His legend grows! It will be worse than before!
What is it?!
You directed me to report to you the moment the king's conference was ended.
So I did! And what was so important about it?
Shut up, would you! How can I concentrate?!
...His majesty was quite keen that you should understand --
No, M'lord.
Now, my flower, do you understand?
Yes. I had thought that... I was loathsome to you. Perhaps I am. If I may be excused, M'lord.
Good day to you, M'Lords.
You mock us with a smile?
I am cheerful with a plan to soothe your miseries. All of England shudders with the news of renewed rebellion.
Wallace's followers.
The little cow is insane --
Is it true? Wallace is captured?
Simply because he eluded your trap, do you think he is more than a man? My father is dying. Perhaps you should think of our coronation.
When will his trial be?
I have come to beg for the life of William Wallace.
You fancy him.
Nor you. To you that word is as unfamiliar as love.
I'll wait... back there.
We make spears. A hundred spears. Fourteen feet long.
The Bruce is not coming, William.
Stephen ready?
Thanks for the food and drink. And for bringing 'em yourselves.
Rest, William.
I rest.
You know it's a trap.
Probably. But we can't win alone. We know that. This is the only way.
I don't want to be a martyr.
Nor I! I want to live! I want a home and children and peace. I've asked god for those things. But He's brought me this sword. And if He wills that I must lay it down to have what He wants for my country, then I'll do that too.
That's just a dream, William!
We've lived a dream together. A dream of freedom!
Your dreams aren't about freedom! They're about Marion! You have to be a hero, because you think she sees you! Is that it?
Keep these. We're going too.
They're coming!
How many?
Three, maybe more!
Armed?
They're English soldiers, ain't they?
With your father and brother gone, they'll kill us and burn the farm!
Wanna stay with me tonight?
I wanna have supper waitin'.
We'll get those English pigs tomorrow.
Test of manhood.
You win.
Call it a test of soldiery, then. The English won't let us train with weapons, so we train with stones.
I still say this is no test. A catapult can throw a stone farther than a man can.
Can you do it when it matters? As it matters in battle? Could you crush a man with that throw?
You'll move
Good to see you again.
All right, Father, I'll ask him! If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen?
Is your Poppa a ghost -- or do you converse with God Almighty?
Excellent! Stephen is my name. I'm the most wanted man on the Emerald Isle. Except I'm not on the Emerald Isle of course, more's the pity.
A common thief.
We must run in different directions!
We don't split up!
I am the one who is rotting. But I think your face looks graver than mine.
He was so brave. With courage alone he nearly won.
So more men were slaughtered uselessly!
He broke because of me. I saw it. He lost all will to fight.
We must have alliance with England to prevail here. You achieved that! You saved your family, increased your lands! In time you will have all the power in Scotland!... Yet you grieve.
In my heart I had begun to hope that he would never break.
Where is my son?
I sent for him -- and the little coward send you?!
Shall I leave, M'lord?
My son's loyal wife returns, unkilled by the heathen. So he accepted our bribe.
No. He did not.
Then why does he stay? My scouts say he has not advanced.
He waits. For you. He says he will attack no more towns -- if you are man enough to come fight him.
You spoke with this Wallace in private. What kind of man is he?
...A mindless barbarian. Not a king like you, M'lord.
The Scottish nobles have sent him no support. His army starves. Our stall has worked, he must withdraw. You may return to your embroidery.
No. I have it to ease the suffering of the children of this war.
This is what happens when you must send a woman. And a fool.
Forgive me, Sire. I thought that generosity might demonstrate your greatness to those you mean to rule.
I have faced him. Have you?
Let her speak.
Treason. Against whom?
Against thy king, thou vile fool! Hast thou anything to say?
Never, in my whole life, did I swear allegiance to your king --
It matters not, he is thy king!
-- while many who serve him have taken and broken his oath many times. I cannot commit treason, if I have never been his subject!
Confess, and you may receive a quick death. Deny, and you must be purified by pain. Do you confess? ...DO YOU CONFESS?!
I do not confess.
Your father doesn't like me, does he?
It's not you. He dislikes that you're a Wallace. He just says... the Wallaces don't seem to live for very long.
Thank you for accepting.
Thank you for inviting.
I'll invite you again, but your mother thinks I'm crazy.
You've been here before?
Some nights. I have dreams. Mostly dreams I don't want. I started riding at night to fill up my mind so that when I did sleep I'd dream only of the ride and the adventure.
Did it work?
I want... to marry you!
I... accept your proposal!
I'm not just saying it!
Nor I!
But I won't give you up to any nobleman.
You scare me.
I don't want to scare you. I want to be yours, and you mine. Every night like this one.
This night is too beautiful to have again.
I've missed you.
Shush. It's only been a day. And it's seemed like forever.
Tonight then.
Then when?
I'm dreaming.
Yes, you are. And you must wake.
I don't want to wake. I want to stay with you.
And I with you. But you must wake.
I need you so much! I love you!
When the king returns he will bury them in those new clothes. Scotland is in chaos. Your husband is secretly sending an army north.
How do you know this?
Last night I slept with a member of the War Council.
He shouldn't be telling secrets in bed.
This Scottish rebel... Wallace? He fights to avenge a woman?
Knowing his passion for his lost love, they next plotted to take him by desecrating the graves of his father and brother and setting an ambush at the grave of his wife. He fought his way through the trap and carried her body to a secret place! Now that is romance, Oui?
I am the Princess of Wales.
I come as the king's servant, and with his authority.
It's battle I want, not talk.
I understand that you have recently been given the rank of knight.
I have been given nothing. God makes men what they are.
Did God make you the sacker of peaceful cities? The executioner of the king's nephew, my husband's own cousin?
York was the staging point for every invasion of my country. And that royal cousin hanged a hundred Scots, even women and children, from the city walls.
Let us talk plainly. You invade England. But you cannot complete the conquest, so far from your shelter and supply. The King proposes that you withdraw your attack. In return he grants you title, estates, and this chest with a thousand pounds of gold, which I am to pay to you personally.
A Lordship. And gold. That I should become Judas.
Peace is made is such ways.
I understand you have suffered. I know... about your woman.
A meeting in a barn. It had to be a trap. And only you would know I would be aware of it.
Why did you?
You have... you have a husband.
You understand. Consider, before you laugh and say no. You will never own a throne, though you deserve one. But just as the sun will rise tomorrow, some man will rule England. And what if his veins ran not with the blood of Longshanks, but with that of a true king?
I cannot love you for the sake of revenge.
M'lady... what kindness of you to visit a stranger.
Sir, I... come to beg you to confess all, and swear allegiance to the king, that he might show you mercy.
Will he show mercy to my country? Will he take back his soldiers, and let us rule ourselves?
Mercy... is to die quickly. Perhaps even live in the Tower. In time, who knows what can happen, if you can only live.
You will die! It will be awful!
Drink this! It will dull your pain.
It will numb my wits, and I must have them all. If I'm senseless, or if I wail, then Longshanks will have broken me.
Wait! ...I respect what you said. But remember, these men have lands, castles. Much to risk.
And the common man who bleeds on the battlefield, does he risk less?
No. But from top to bottom this country has no sense of itself. Its nobles share allegiance with England and its clans war with each other. If you make enemies on both sides of the border, you'll end up dead.
I'm no coward! I want what you want! But we need the nobles.
War finds me willing. I know it won't bring back all I have lost. But it can bring what none of us have ever had -- a country of our own. For that we need a king. We need you.
I am trying.
Then tell me what a king is! Is he a man who believes only what others believe? Is he one who calculates the numbers for and against him but never weighs the strength in your own heart? There is strength in you. I see it. I know it.
I must... consult with my father.
We can't stop!
They've tricked us.
What's the crazy man saying, Lord?
The dogs have a scent. My scent. Someone must have given it to them.
Who would do such a thing?
I thought I was dead when ya pulled that dagger!
Fine speech. Now what do we do?
Come, it'll help you sleep.
Mrs. Treborn! I need to speak with you!
I was going to show this to the principal, but I wanted to talk to you first.
What is it?
Thank you for showing it to me first. I'll... I'll take care of it. Can I have the picture?
Of course. There is one more thing, Mrs. Treborn. And I feel bad for mentioning it...
What?
And you say he doesn't remember any of it?
Not according to his teacher. It just got me thinking about Jason and what if Evan's inherited his father's condition?
Just tell me that Evan doesn't have Jason's illness...
Look, Andrea, I'm sure he'll test negative for brain disorders. But there's something else you can try to monitor his memory.
Anything.
A journal. Just have him write down everything he does.
Why? What for?
Well, the good news is that the results are negative. I've found no evidence in the way of lesions, hemorrhaging, tumors...
And the bad news?
Unfortunately, we've got nothing to work with. It's harder playing detective now.
But you must have something to go on?
If I had to guess, I'd say the blackouts are stress related.
But he's seven. What kind of stress can he have?
Plenty. Who knows? Maybe he's got severe coping problems about not having a father. Did you say the last blackout occurred when he was with his friend's dad.
Come on, I doubt the answer's that simple.
You'd be surprised how often they are.
Well, he has been pushing me to meet his father, but I've been putting it off.
It's worth a shot. I can arrange a controlled meeting. A careful dose of sedatives for Jason, some security, you and I monitoring. Evan comes in for a quick visit and with any luck, no more missing father complex.
Evan wake up, oh please wake up!
Actually, these tests weren't available twenty years ago.
No dances, just tell me.
We're gonna be late again.
When did you ever care about getting to school on time?
Righty-tighty, lefty-lucy.
Darn it!
Um... can dad come this time?
You know the answer to that.
Can't he come out for one day?
We've been over this a hundred times. It's too dangerous for him.
All the dads are gonna be there.
I get the point, kiddo. But I'm not so bad, am I?
No.
I don't like this place, Mom. It's creepy. Please can we go? I promise I won't make any more bad pictures!
That's why I wanted you to come here, Evan. Dr. Redfield already has a background in memory loss.
These'll bring you luck, Crockett.
What happened?
Honey. What were you doing with that?
Now your father may seem sleepy to you, but that's just because of his medicine, okay?
I don't know... I don't remember.
Something must've happened! What set him off?
I... I blacked out.
Please, mom. People will talk.
I can't help it. I'm just so proud of you. You've got the highest grades in all of your classes.
Did Da -- Jason --- get good grades?
Please. He got straight A's without ever touching a book. That was the one area where his memory never failed him.
Why do you ask?
No, it's just weird with him being such a brain and all, I just wondered if he was ever able to remember stuff he'd forgotten.
I couldn't tell if they were real memories or just phantoms. You know, he might only have thought he actually remembered them...
Sure...
And then, just before it got so bad that he had to be committed, he said that he could...
...I spoke to your new lawyer about the appeal. He's sure he can get you off on self-defense, so if you're patient.
How long will I be in here?
I don't know. These things take time.
I found these. The others are still in storage.
Damn it, Mom. I told you I need them all!
Okay, doc. What's the damage? How much time have I got?
What does that mean for Evan?
There must be a way to fix this.
Fix?
You're. Acting. Like your father.
How. Did you. Know that?
Just. Like. Jason.
Best not bitch up. Wind up someone's luggage that way.
Can you protect me?
You're religious Carlos, you believe that bit about "the Lord works in mysterious ways?"
Straight up.
Because I think he sent me to your cell on purpose. For you to help me.
Shit. I knew you were crazy.
So when I'm out, I need you to watch my face and hands closely.
Just tell me if anything weird happens.
Weirder than this?
What did you see? What did it look like?
Signs of the Lord. They just appeared out of nowhere. I thought you were loco!
Hello, Evan. It's very nice to meet you. He's as handsome as his father.
Dad lives here?
Now I want you to go back to the time you were in the woods with Lenny. Think of it like a movie. You can pause, rewind, or slow down any details you wish. Understand?
Yes.
Where are you now?
I'm standing next to Kayleigh, my hands are over her ears.
Are you hurting her?
Okay. Then go a little forward in time. What do you see now?
Go on. Nothing can hurt you. Remember, this is only a movie. You're completely safe.
I can't... the car vanishes and all of a sudden I'm on the ground in the woods.
The car doesn't vanish Evan. The movie in your head has broken, that's all. But now I've re-spliced it and I want you to tell me about the car.
It's a little complicated. I haven't seen results exactly like these before.
This is where we're finding most of the hemorrhaging. The outer lining of the cerebral cortex.
Hey, Evan. What's the big rush? We don't meet for another hour.
Where are my goddamn books?
Books?
Think Evan. You've invented a disease that doesn't exist. Alternate universes with colleges, prisons, paraplegia...
But I... I need those books.
You remind me of your father. He always screamed for a photo album even though he never had one.
Get dressed, Thumper, you're taking me out for my birthday.
I thought you were a December baby.
It's an experiment with flatworms and a maze. You take a flatworm and run it through the maze until he's memorized it. Then you put a new flatworm in the maze. He's clueless. Banging into walls, getting lost, whatever.
Just by absorbing the first worm into its cellular structure, it gets all of the worm's memories.
You really think he wanted to kill you?
I never wanted to be in the movie anyway and it was cold so I wanted to wear my clothes but Mr. Miller took his shirt off --
What the fuck are you doing?
Are you stupid or what?
What?
Whasamatter? Lost your Rolex?
Huh?
Get out. Both of you.
We should go soon. If Dad catches us smoking down here, we're dead.
Oh God... what did we do?
I'm sorry Kayleigh. This was a bad idea.
Ouch.
It's not your fault. Mrs. Kagan called dad and blamed us for what happened to Lenny.
I deserve a lot worse.
I can't believe Tommy's still pissed at me. He knows I'm moving away, right?
He's been acting real strange lately. He won't even look me in the eyes anymore.
Did your mom say if Lenny was... okay?
Welcome home. Thought you might like some fresh air for a change.
God, Evan! I never thought I'd see you again. How've you been?
Oh, comme si, comme ca, you know...
No, Evan. I don't know. It's been a long time. Fill me in.
Not since we were kids.
I've stopped a hundred times.
So how's Tommy?
No. I emancipated myself when I was fifteen.
Wow. That must've taken some courage.
Not if you remember my dad.
Couldn't you have moved in with your mom?
Actually, Kayleigh, the reason I came back to town was to talk to you.
Me? Are you kidding? Why?
Remember when I was a kid I had all these blackouts?
Of course.
Well, lately some of the memories have begun to come back and I'd kinda like to talk to you about one of them in particular. It'd be a big help.
Well, sure. I'll try to remember. Shoot.
When we were kids. Your dad was making a movie. Robin Hood or something?
What do you want to know, Evan?
It's just... did he... what happened in the basement?
It was a long time ago.
I know, but...
Is that why you came all the way back? To ask a lot of stupid questions about Robin Hood?
Just shut up, Evan. You're wasting your breath.
You can't hate yourself just because your dad's a twisted freak.
Jesus, Kayleigh, you're... Incredible.
Where... where are my clothes?
Hey, uh, don't go freaking out on me over this, but do you remember when your dad first got his video camera?
Well I remember he had one... but he, like, put it away after the first day. Why would that freak me out?
Oh my God, that was good. Where'd you learn all those new tricks?
So it didn't feel... weird?
What do you think it is about us that makes us so perfect? Like, looking back, whatever gave you the nerve to sneak out and visit me after I moved away?
I don't understand, where are you taking me?
I don't know what to say. It's beautiful.
Why are you doing all this for me?
It's my fault. I should have told you he was released a few weeks ago.
Might'a been nice. Like this is gonna do any good. Maybe one of the frat guys has a gun.
Please, Evan. Don't even joke. He wouldn't hurt you. He's just trying to scare you away from me.
Yeah, right. Tell that to Crockett.
It's not his fault, Evan. You knew how bad he had it when we were kids.
Don't give me this Oprah-book club bad upbringing shit, because you turned out fine.
Are you okay?
What do you mean?
It's just... you've been acting kinda strange, you know?
Like how?
I don't know. You seem... different. You make weird jokes. Your accents changed. You don't even walk the same.
I walk differently?
I can't put my finger on it, but everything's a bit off. Even the dinner tonight. It was beautiful, but...
Wait. Something's not right. Isn't that your jacket?
Evan, stop! You're gonna kill him!
I want you to take this, Lenny. Today's your day of atonement. I know how guilty you feel about that woman and her baby --
Evan. Stop it. It's not the time.
Oh, I thought you were my eight o'clock. Make it fast, I'm expecting someone.
So how's tricks? Sorry, occupational humor.
I get it. You can drop it now.
Oh, I'm sorry. Does my line of work make you uncomfortable, precious?
No. Just that you need to hurt me with it. I've been where you've been.
Ha! Where's that?
What's happened to you?
You wouldn't believe me. I mean, people always say, "You wouldn't believe me", but in this case, it's not even worth trying.
I've seen some sickening shit. I don't blink twice anymore, especially in your case.
Why's that?
Because you're... different.
Different? How?
Let me ask you a question. Just a little one that's been gnawing at me for years.
Yeah?
On the bridge. How did you know that Tommy had your dog? That was no fucking hunch.
You're right, Evan, I don't believe you.
I never thought you would. That's why I've never bothered to tell a soul until now, and why I never will again.
I'm the only person you've told? That's a great line. Does that make other girls swoon? Do they actually eat up this bullshit?
I couldn't give a shit if you believe me or not, and frankly I'm too tired to prove it to you.
Oh? There's proof now?
Shit. I dunno. How would I know about the twin moles on your inner thigh?
Anyone with fifty bucks could tell you that.
I just thought you should know.
Know what?
There's one major hole in your story.
Which is?
Sure you don't want your wallet?
Don't think I'll need it where I'm going.
Off to change everyone's life again, is that it? Maybe this time you'll pop up in some mansion while I wind up in Tijuana doing the donkey act.
I'm over it. Whenever I try to help anyone it all turns to shit.
Where are we going?
We have to get you to Sunnyvale. You're having one of your famous hemorrhages.
You know how spiritual he's gotten ever since he saved Mrs. Halpern and Katie.
Is something the matter?
Kayleigh? Do you ever think about "us?" I mean, wonder if it could ever have been different between the two of us?
Sure, Evan, why not? You were the first person I really ever cared about.
I was?
That's why when I was little I never went to live with my mother.
I don't get it.
When my folks split, they gave me and Tommy a choice who we wanted to live with. I couldn't stand my dad, but I knew if I moved to my mom's I'd never see you again.
I never knew that. So then you still sometimes think of us... together?
It's crossed my mind from time to time.
And...?
Well a lot of things cross my mind. I've always been a fast thinker, Ev. I can play out the movie of our entire lives in under a second. Boom -- we fall in love -- get married -- two kids, your keen analytical insight matched to my generous nature -- kids grow old as do we, relatively stable relationships, matching burial plots, the
Then you think it might have worked out?
We're really gonna be in a movie!?
Where am I? What happened? Where did we all go?
I was just somewhere else -- how did I get here?
Quit acting like some retard or I'll call your mother and tell her what a naughty little shit you've been.
What time is it?
It's time for you to stand where the hell I told you.
What's happened to -- How are you doing that?
It'll change your daughter from a beautiful child into an empty shell whose only concept of trust was betrayed by her own sick pedophile father. Ultimately, it'll lead to her suicide. Nice work, daddy.
Let's just say you're being closely watched, George. Your other option is to get your porn off the rack and treat Kayleigh like... oh, let's say like how a loving father treats his daughter. Sound okay to you, Papa?
...yes.
Easy does it, Evan! Don't be a bad boy or I'll tell mommy you were naughty.
That's dangerous! You could blow your hands off!
It's okay. I won't bite. You've seen pictures of me, right?
Are you okay? You looked like you were somewhere else for a second there.
I was praying this curse would have ended with me.
But it didn't. And now I need info to make things right again and you're the only one who can give it to me.
There is no "right". When you change who people are, you destroy who they were.
You can't play God, son. It must end with me. Just by being here, you may be killing your mother.
Evan, you're hysterical. You study for this?
We'll find out soon enough.
You're kidding. Are these the answers?!
Damn, Evan, on the D.L.
Thanks. Wow. Hey, I want to do something really special for Kayleigh tomorrow. If I said I needed some help from you and the brothers...
I'm not sure. I might have gotten some stories mixed up. Did Pavlov condition his dogs to lick his nuts?
Typical psych major. A complete wise ass. And how's your project coming? Still planning to change the way we humble scientists view memory assimilation?
Whoa! Didn't mean to scare you, Evan. Just wanted to know how the flatworms project was coming.
Oh, fine I guess. It's been kind of crazy lately with my mom coming up, so I haven't...
Just don't drop the ball, okay?
Remember, everyone! Only two weeks until your science projects are due.
I still owe you an essay from last week. Is there any way I could get an extension?
And you are...?
Evan Treborn.
So what's the point?
Smells like sex in here.
Thumper had a busy afternoon.
Most guys tuck their porn under here, but all you have are... comp books.
Yeah. I've been keeping journals since I was seven.
Freeze! No "worm-boy". No "Mr. Worm," and no "Worm-Master-General!" Once you get a nickname like that you can't shake it. And I don't want everyone thinking I've got tapeworms coming out of my ass or something, okay?
Come on, go on...
It didn't feel like a dream.
Can... can... Can I have this?
That should buy you ten minutes at least.
I couldn't cut the rope.
Yeah, good, what else do you remember?
You knew the whole time, didn't you? When you put the blade in my hand, you knew something big was going to happen. Didn't you?!
Uh, we should be getting to class now.
Are you sure you even packed it?
What do you need it for? I don't get you lately.
Duly noted. Now I'm gonna ask you for one last favor.
What?
Shhh. I need to concentrate on the blockbuster if I'm gonna destroy it.
Destroy it?
Hey, what'd you do that for?
Tommy, I'm bored shitless over here. What's up already?
Hurry! Let's go! Get him up, Evan! Come on!
Look what you made me do!
Leave us alone you sick fuck!
What the hell are you doing?
It wasn't enough that the whole world loves you, but you had to take away the last person on earth who didn't think I was a piece of shit.
No one thinks you're a piece of shit, Tommy.
Listen to me good, Evan...
I did what you said, man! We're pooling our student funds with Hillel House and we're going to have an Awareness Dance.
Lung cancer?
Mom. Don't cry. I can change this.
Just get out, didja?
Huh?
Nothing. Just that my brother did a stint in the pen and he used to eat like that.
I come from a big family.
Meant no offense.
None taken. Hey, uh, does Kayleigh Miller still work here?
Evan, guess what? Dad got a new video camera and we're all gonna be in a movie.
I don't think Evan gets to be in it --
Quit it, Tommy. Evan gets to be Robin Hood. I'm gonna be Maid Marian, and you're the Sheriff of Nottingham!
I thought I was the bad guy!
What did I say about mentioning that bitch?
Where the hell are you taking us anyway? Just blow something up already.
Wipe that sad-assed look off your face before you get us all busted. You see the way Evan's mom was looking at you?
Lenny? Come on!
Shut up, Tommy!
You put the mommy too far away. Mrs. Boswell has macaroni and glue if you wanna fix it.
Here you go, buddy.
What? No frigging way, man. I'm not touching that thing.
The hell you aren't. Anyone of us does it, you'll puss out and narc for sure.
Maybe it went out. Should someone check it?
Monsieur Rick?
Yes?
How did you get in here? You're under age.
I came with Captain Renault.
I should have known.
My husband is with me, too.
No, of course not. Do you mind if I do?
Monsieur Rick, what kind of man is Captain Renault?
Oh, he's just like any other man, only more so.
No, I mean, is he trustworthy? Is his word --
-- Now, just a minute. Who told you to ask me that?
He did. Captain Renault did.
I thought so. Where's your husband?
How long have you been married?
Eight weeks. We come from Bulgaria. Oh, things are very bad there, Monsieur. A devil has the people by the throat. So, Jan and I, we, we do not want our children to grow up in such a country.
So you decided to go to America.
Yes, but we have not much money, and traveling is so expensive and difficult. It was much more than we thought to get here. And then Captain Renault sees us and he is so kind. He wants to help us.
Yes, I'll bet.
He tells me he can give us an exit visa, but we have no money.
Does he know that?
Oh, yes.
And he is still willing to give you a visa?
Yes, Monsieur.
And you want to know --
-- Will he keep his word?
Nobody ever loved me that much.
And he never knew, and the girl kept this bad thing locked in her heart? That would be all right, wouldn't it?
You want my advice?
Oh, yes, please.
Go back to Bulgaria.
Oh, but if you knew what it means to us to leave Europe, to get to America! Oh, but if Jan should find out! He is such a boy. In many ways I am so much older than he is.
Monsieur Rick, I --
Excuse me, but you look like a couple who are on their way to America.
You will find a market there for this ring. I am forced to sell it at a great sacrifice.
Thank you, but I hardly think --
Good.
What is your name?
Such a bargain. But that is your decision?
Mr. Berger, the ring, could I see it again?
Yes, Monsieur.
I recognize you from the news photographs, Monsieur Laszlo.
In a concentration camp, one is apt to lose a little weight.
We read five times that you were killed in five different places.
I see.
Monsieur Rick, may I get you a cup of coffee?
No thanks, Carl.
Well, you are in pretty good shape, Herr Rick.
How long can I afford to stay closed?
Oh, two weeks, maybe three.
Maybe I won't have to. A bribe has worked before. In the meantime, everybody stays on salary.
Now you finish locking up, will you, Carl?
I will. Then I am going to the meeting of the --
-- Don't tell me where you're going.
I won't.
Goodnight.
The police break up our meeting. Herr Rick! We escaped in the last moment.
Yes, I come.
I want you to turn out the light in the rear entrance. It might attract the police.
But Sacha always puts out that light --
-- Tonight he forgot.
I want you to take Miss Lund home.
Excuse me, Monsieur Rick, but a gentleman inside has won twenty thousand francs. The cashier would like some money.
Well, I'll get it from the safe.
I am so upset, Monsieur Rick. You know I can't understand --
-- Forget it, Emil. Mistakes like that happen all the time.
Here you are.
It shall not happen again, Monsieur.
Here's to you, sir.
Er, good luck, yes.
I'd better be going.
Er, my check, please.
Er, goodbye, sir.
Hello, Rick.
Hello, Ferrari. How's business at the Blue Parrot?
Fine, but I would like to buy your cafe.
It's not for sale.
You haven't heard my offer.
It's not for sale at any price.
What do you want for Sam?
I don't buy or sell human beings.
That's too bad. That's Casablanca's leading commodity. In refugees alone we could make a fortune if you would work with me through the black market.
Suppose you run your business and let me run mine.
Suppose we ask Sam. Maybe he'd like to make a change.
Suppose we do.
I see the bus is in. I'll take my shipment with me.
No hurry. I'll have it sent over. Have a drink with me.
I never drink in the morning. And every time you send my shipment over, it's always just a little bit short.
The bourbon. The news about Ugarte upset me very much.
Of course not. What upsets me is the fact that Ugarte is dead and no one knows where those letters of transit are.
Practically no one.
If I could lay my hands on those letters, I could make a fortune.
So could I. And I'm a poor businessman.
I have a proposition for whoever has those letters. I will handle the entire transaction, get rid of the letters, take all the risk, for a small percentage.
And the carrying charges?
Naturally there will be a few incidental expenses. That is the proposition I have for whoever has those letters.
I'll tell him when he comes in.
Rick, I'll put my cards on the table. I think you know where those letters are.
That's why I came over here to give them a chance to ransack my place.
Shall we draw up the papers, or is our handshake good enough?
Ah, to get out of Casablanca and go to America! You're a lucky man.
Oh, by the way, my agreement with Sam's always been that he gets twenty- five percent of the profits. That still goes.
Hmmm. I happen to know that he gets ten percent. But he's worth twenty- five.
And Abdul and Carl and Sacha, they stay with the place, or I don't sell.
Of course they stay. Rick's wouldn't be Rick's without them.
Don't forget, you owe Rick's a hundred cartons of American cigarettes.
You see, my dear, the word has gone around.
As leader of all illegal activities in Casablanca, I am an influential and respected man. It would not be worth my life to do anything for Monsieur Laszlo. You, however, are a different matter.
I will stay here and keep on trying. I'm sure in a little while --
We've decided, Signor Ferrari. For the present we'll go on looking for two exit visas. Thank you very much.
I observe that you in one respect are a very fortunate man, Monsieur. I am moved to make one more suggestion, why, I do not know, because it cannot possibly profit me, but, have you heard about Signor Ugarte and the letters of transit?
Yes, something.
Do you know where they are?
Rick?
He is a difficult customer, that Rick. One never knows what he'll do or why. But it is worth a chance.
It was gracious of you to share it with me. Good day, Mademoiselle, Monsieur.
And Mademoiselle?
Mademoiselle, after this disturbance it is not safe for Laszlo to stay in Casablanca.
This morning you implied it was not safe for him to leave Casablanca.
That is also true, except for one destination, to return to occupied France.
Occupied France?
Uh huh. Under a safe conduct from me.
What value is that? You may recall what German guarantees have been worth in the past.
There are only two other alternatives for him.
What are they?
It is possible the French authorities will find a reason to put him in the concentration camp here.
And the other alternative?
-- It was "La Belle Aurore."
How nice. You remembered. But of course, that was the day the Germans marched into Paris.
Not an easy day to forget.
No.
I remember every detail. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.
Say goodnight to Sam for me.
I will.
There's still nobody in the world who can play "As Time Goes By" like Sam.
Who are you really? And what were you before? What did you do and what did you think? Huh?
We said "no questions."
A franc for your thoughts.
In America they'd bring only a penny. I guess that's about all they're worth.
I'm willing to be overcharged. Tell me.
And I was wondering.
Yes?
Why I'm so lucky. Why I should find you waiting for me to come along.
Why there is no other man in my life?
Uh huh.
That's easy. There was. He's dead.
I'm sorry for asking. I forgot we said "no questions."
Richard, they'll find out your record. It won't be safe for you here.
My German's a little rusty.
With the whole world crumbling, we pick this time to fall in love.
Yeah. It's pretty bad timing. Where were you, say, ten years ago?
Ten years ago? Let's see... ...Yes. I was having a brace put on my teeth. Where were you?
Was that cannon fire, or is it my heart pounding?
Strange. I know so very little about you.
But be serious, darling. You are in danger and you must leave Paris.
No, no, no, no. We must leave.
Yes, of course, we --
-- The train for Marseilles leaves at five o'clock. I'll pick you up at your hotel at four-thirty.
No, no. Not at my hotel. I, uh, I have things to do in the city before I leave. I'll meet you at the station, huh?
That's too far ahead to plan.
Yes, I guess it is a little too far ahead. Well, let's see. What about the engineer? Why can't he marry us on the train?
Well, why not? The captain on a ship can. It doesn't seem fair that... Hey, hey, what's wrong, kid?
Oh. I saved my first drink to have with you. Here.
No. No, Rick. Not tonight.
Please.
Why did you have to come to Casablanca? There are other places.
I wouldn't have come if I had known that you were here. Believe me, Rick, it's true. I didn't know.
It's funny about your voice, how it hasn't changed. I can still hear it. "Richard dear, I'll go with you any place. We'll get on a train together and never stop."
Please don't. Don't, Rick. I can understand how you feel.
Huh! You understand how I feel. How long was it we had, honey?
I didn't count the days.
Can I tell you a story, Rick?
Has it got a wow finish?
I don't know the finish yet.
Well, go on, tell it. Maybe one will come to you as you go along.
It's about a girl who had just come to Paris from her home in Oslo. At the house of some friends she met a man about whom she'd heard her whole life, a very great and courageous man. He opened up for her a whole beautiful world full of knowledge and thoughts and ideals. Everything she knew or ever became was because of him.
I'm sorry I was in no condition to receive you when you called on me last night.
Why did you come back? To tell me why you ran out on me at the railway station?
Yes.
Well, you can tell me now. I'm reasonably sober.
I don't think I will, Rick.
Why not? After all, I got stuck with a railway ticket. I think I'm entitled to know.
Last night I saw what has happened to you. The Rick I knew in Paris, I could tell him. He'd understand. But the one who looked at me with such hatred... well, I'll be leaving Casablanca soon and we'll never see each other again. We knew very little about each other when we were in love in Paris. If we leave it that way,
Did you run out on me because you couldn't take it? Because you knew what it would be like, hiding from the police, running away all the time?
You can believe that if you want to.
All the same, someday you'll lie to Laszlo. You'll be there.
How did you get in?
I told you this morning you'd come around, but this is a little ahead of schedule. Well, won't you sit down?
Richard, I had to see you.
You use "Richard" again? We're back in Paris.
Please.
Your unexpected visit isn't connected by any chance with the letters of transit? It seems that as long as I have those letters I'll never be lonely.
You can ask any price you want, but you must give me those letters.
I went through all that with your husband. It's no deal.
I know how you feel about me, but I'm asking you to put your feelings aside for something more important.
Do I have to hear again what a great man your husband is? What an important cause he's fighting for?
It was your cause, too. In your own way, you were fighting for the same thing.
Richard, Richard, we loved each other once. If those days meant anything at all to you --
-- I wouldn't bring up Paris if I were you. It's poor salesmanship.
Please. Please listen to me. If you knew what really happened, if you only knew the truth --
No. Oh, Richard, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but, but you, you are our last hope. If you don't help us, Victor Laszlo will die in Casablanca.
-- All right. I tried to reason with you. I tried everything. Now I want those letters. Get them for me.
I don't have to. I've got them right here.
Put them on the table.
No.
For the last time, put them on the table.
And then?
It wasn't long after we were married that Victor went back to Czechoslovakia. They needed him in Prague, but there the Gestapo were waiting for him. Just a two-line item in the paper: "Victor Laszlo apprehended. Sent to concentration camp." I was frantic. For months I tried to get word. Then it came. He was dead, shot trying to escape. I was lonely. I
Oh, it wasn't my secret, Richard. Victor wanted it that way. Not even our closest friends knew about our marriage. That was his way of protecting me. I knew so much about his work, and if the Gestapo found out I was his wife it would be dangerous for me and for those working with me.
When did you first find out he was alive?
Just before you and I were to leave Paris together. A friend came and told me that Victor was alive. They were hiding him in a freight car on the outskirts of Paris. He was sick, he needed me. I wanted to tell you, but I, I didn't care. I knew, I knew you wouldn't have left Paris, and the Gestapo would have caught
Huh. But it's still a story without an ending. What about now?
Now? I don't know. I know that I'll never have the strength to leave you again.
And Laszlo?
Oh, you'll help him now, Richard, won't you? You'll see that he gets out? Then he'll have his work, all that he's been living for.
I can't fight it anymore. I ran away from you once. I can't do it again. Oh, I don't know what's right any longer. You'll have to think for both of us, for all of us.
All right, I will. Here's looking at you, kid.
Richard, Victor thinks I'm leaving with him. Haven't you told him?
No, not yet.
But it's all right, isn't it? You were able to arrange everything?
Everything is quite all right.
But why my name, Richard?
Because you're getting on that plane.
I don't understand. What about you?
No, Richard, no. What has happened to you? Last night we said --
-- Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing. You're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong.
But Richard, no, I, I --
I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it.
No.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.
But what about us?
We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we'd lost it, until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.
And I said I would never leave you.
Yes.
Hello, Sam.
It's been a long time.
Yes, ma'am. A lot of water under the bridge.
Some of the old songs, Sam.
Where is Rick?
When will he be back?
Not tonight no more. He ain't coming. Uh, he went home.
Does he always leave so early?
Oh, he never... well... he's got a girl up at the Blue Parrot. He goes up there all the time.
You used to be a much better liar, Sam.
Leave him alone, Miss Ilsa. You're bad luck to him.
Play it once, Sam, for old time's sake.
I don't know what you mean, Miss Ilsa.
Play it, Sam. Play "As Time Goes By."
Victor, I, I feel somehow we shouldn't stay here.
You are very kind.
This time they really mean to stop me.
Victor, I'm afraid for you.
I must find out what Berger knows.
Be careful.
Goodnight.
Goodnight.
We are only interested in two visas, Signor.
Please, Ilsa, don't be hasty.
No, Ilsa, I won't let you stay here. You must get to America. And believe me, somehow I will get out and join you.
But, Victor, if the situation were different, if I had to stay and there were only a visa for one, would you take it?
Yes, I see. When I had trouble getting out of Lille, why didn't you leave me there? And when I was sick in Marseilles and held you up for two weeks and you were in danger every minute of the time, why didn't you leave me then?
He does. Could we have a table close to him?
What happened with Rick?
Our faithful friend is still there.
Victor, please, don't go to the underground meeting tonight.
Don't joke. After Major Strasser's warning tonight, I am frightened.
Whatever I'd say, you'd carry on. Victor, why don't you tell me about Rick? What did you find out?
Apparently he has the letters.
Yes?
Did he give any reason?
He suggested I ask you.
Ask me?
Ilsa, I --
-- Yes?
Yes, Victor, I was.
I know how it is to be lonely. Is there anything you wish to tell me?
No, Victor, there isn't.
Yes, Yes I know. Victor, whatever I do, will you believe that I, that --
Be careful.
Are you ready Ilsa?
Captain, the boy who is playing the piano, somewhere I have seen him.
Sam?
Yes.
He came from Paris with Rick.
Rick? Who's he?
Mademoiselle, you are in Rick's and Rick is --
-- Is what?
Hello, Rick.
Well then, perhaps you also ---
I can't get over you two. She was asking about you earlier, Rick, in a way that made me extremely jealous.
I'm afraid Major Strasser would insist.
How do you do?
How do you do?
One hears a great deal about Rick in Casablanca.
And about Victor Laszlo everywhere.
And I congratulate you.
What for?
Your work.
Thank you. I try.
I hope we didn't overstay our welcome.
We'll come again.
Good morning.
Good evening.
Good evening. You see, here we are again.
Monsieur Blaine, I wonder if I could talk to you?
Go ahead.
Well, isn't there some other place? It's rather confidential, what I have to say.
My office.
You must know it's very important I get out of Casablanca. It's my privilege to be one of the leaders of a great movement. You know what I have been doing. You know what it means to the work, to the lives of thousands and thousands of people that I be free to reach America and continue my work.
I'm not interested in politics. The problems of the world are not in my department. I'm a saloon keeper.
My friends in the underground tell me that you have quite a record. You ran guns to Ethiopia. You fought against the fascists in Spain.
What of it?
Isn't it strange that you always happened to be fighting on the side of the underdog?
Are you enough of a businessman to appreciate an offer of a hundred thousand francs?
I appreciate it, but I don't accept it.
I'll raise it to two hundred thousand.
My friend, you could make it a million francs, or three, my answer would still be the same.
There must be some reason why you won't let me have them.
There is. I suggest that you ask your wife.
I beg your pardon?
I said, ask your wife.
Well, this might come in handy.
Thank you.
Had a close one, eh?
Don't you sometimes wonder if it's worth all this? I mean what you're fighting for?
We might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die.
You know how you sound, Monsieur Blaine? Like a man who's trying to convince himself of something he doesn't believe in his heart. Each of us has a destiny, for good or for evil.
I wonder if you do. I wonder if you know that you're trying to escape from yourself and that you'll never succeed.
You seem to know all about my destiny.
I know a good deal more about you than you suspect. I know, for instance, that you are in love with a woman. It is perhaps strange that we both should be in love with the same woman. The first evening I came here in this cafe, I knew there was something between you and Ilsa. Since no one is to blame, I, I
You love her that much?
Monsieur Blaine, I don't know how to thank you.
I brought the money, Monsieur Blaine.
Keep it. You'll need it in America.
But we made a deal.
Oh, never mind about that. You won't have any trouble in Lisbon, will you?
No. It's all arranged.
Everything in order?
All except one thing. There's something you should know before you leave.
Monsieur Blaine, I don't ask you to explain anything.
I'm going to anyway, because it may make a difference to you later on. You said you knew about Ilsa and me.
Yes.
I understand.
Monsieur Laszlo, is it not?
Yes.
I am Captain Renault, Prefect of Police.
Yes. What is it you want?
Merely to welcome you to Casablanca and wish you a pleasant stay. It is not often we have so distinguished a visitor.
Thank you. I hope you'll forgive me, Captain, but the present French administration has not always been so cordial. May I present Miss Ilsa Lund?
No, Captain, please.
Let us say that it is my request. That is a much more pleasant word.
My bill.
Well! A precedent is being broken. Er, Emil!
Ricky, you're becoming quite human. I suppose we have to thank you for that, Mademoiselle.
Ilsa, I don't wish to be the one to say it, but it's late.
Tomorrow at ten at the Prefect's office.
We'll be there.
I am delighted to see you both. Did you have a good night's rest?
I slept very well.
That's strange. Nobody is supposed to sleep well in Casablanca.
May we proceed with the business?
With pleasure. Won't you sit down?
I am afraid not. My regrets, Monsieur.
And the honor of having served the Third Reich.
Monsieur, insofar as it is in my power --
-- Thank you.
By the way, Monsieur, last night you evinced an interest in Signor Ugarte.
Yes.
I believe you have a message for him?
I am making out the report now. We haven't quite decided whether he committed suicide or died trying to escape.
I'm sure you'll excuse me if I am not gracious, but you see, Major Strasser, I'm a Czechoslovakian.
I've never accepted that privilege, and I'm now on French soil.
I should like to discuss some matters arising from your presence on French soil.
This is hardly the time or the place.
Then we shall state another time and another place. Tomorrow at ten in the Prefect's office, with Mademoiselle.
Very well, Herr Laszlo, we will not mince words. You are an escaped prisoner of the Reich. So far you have been fortunate enough in eluding us. You have reached Casablanca. It is my duty to see that you stay in Casablanca.
Whether or not you succeed is, of course, problematical.
Is that all you wish to tell us?
Don't be in such a hurry. You have all the time in the world. You may be in Casablanca indefinitely... or you may leave for Lisbon tomorrow, on one condition.
And that is?
You know the leaders of the underground movement in Paris, in Prague, in Brussels, in Amsterdam, in Oslo, in Belgrade, in Athens.
Even in Berlin.
You will give us the names?
And what if you track down these men and kill them? What if you murdered all of us? From every corner of Europe, hundreds, thousands, would rise to take our places. Even Nazis can't kill that fast.
Herr Laszlo, you have a reputation for eloquence which I can now understand. But in one respect you are mistaken. You said the enemies of the Reich could all be replaced, but there is one exception. No one could take your place in the event anything unfortunate should occur to you while you were trying to escape.
For the time being.
Unoccupied France welcomes you to Casablanca.
Thank you, Captain. It's very good to be here.
You may find the climate of Casablanca a trifle warm, Major.
Oh, we Germans must get used to all climates, from Russia to the Sahara. But perhaps you were not referring to the weather.
What else, my dear Major?
By the way, the murder of the couriers, what has been done?
Oh, there is no hurry. Tonight he'll be at Rick's. Everybody comes to Rick's.
Good evening, gentlemen.
Thank you. It is a pleasure to have you here, Major.
Champagne and a tin of caviar.
May I recommend Veuve Cliquot '26, a good French wine.
Especially so tonight, Major. In a few minutes you will see the arrest of the man who murdered your couriers.
Rick, this is Major Heinrich Strasser of the Third Reich.
You repeat "Third Reich" as though you expected there to be others.
Well, personally, Major, I will take what comes.
Ho, diplomatist!
Rick is completely neutral about everything. And that takes in the field of women, too.
Of course, one must admit he has great courage.
You see, Major, you have nothing to worry about Rick.
Mademoiselle.
I strongly suspect that Ugarte left the letters of transit with Mr. Blaine. I would suggest you search the cafe immediately and thoroughly.
If Rick has the letters, he's much too smart to let you find them there.
You give him credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he's just another blundering American.
As to Laszlo, we want him watched twenty-four hours a day.
You see, Captain, the situation is not as much under control as you believe.
Captain Renault, are you entirely certain which side you're on?
I have no conviction, if that's what you mean. I blow with the wind, and the prevailing wind happens to be from Vichy.
We are concerned about more than Casablanca. We know that every French province in Africa is honeycombed with traitors waiting for their chance, waiting, perhaps, for a leader.
A leader, like Laszlo?
Uh, huh. I have been thinking. It is too dangerous if we let him go. It may be too dangerous if we let him stay.
You see what I mean? If Laszlo's presence in a cafe can inspire this unfortunate demonstration, what more will his presence in Casablanca bring on? I advise that this place be shut up at once.
But everybody's having such a good time.
Yes, much too good a time. The place is to be closed.
But I have no excuse to close it.
What is the meaning of that phone call?
Why do you stand here? Why don't you stop him?
Hello, Louis.
You know, I think now I shall pay a call on Yvonne, maybe get her on the rebound, eh?
The plane to Lisbon. You would like to be on it?
Why? What's in Lisbon?
It was a combination of all three.
And what in heaven's name brought you to Casablanca?
My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Waters? What waters? We're in the desert.
I was misinformed.
Rick, there's going to be some excitement here tonight. We are going to make an arrest in your cafe.
What, again?
If you are thinking of warning him, don't put yourself out. He cannot possibly escape.
I stick my neck out for nobody.
You know, Rick, we could have made this arrest earlier in the evening at the Blue Parrot, but out of my high regard for you we are staging it here. It will amuse your customers.
I see. And what's Strasser doing here? He certainly didn't come all the way to Casablanca to witness a demonstration of your efficiency.
How observant you are. As a matter of fact, I wanted to give you a word of advice.
Yeah? Have a brandy?
Thank you. Rick, there are many exit visas sold in this cafe, but we know that you have never sold one. That is the reason we permit you to remain open.
I thought it was because we let you win at roulette.
That is another reason. There is a man who's arrived in Casablanca on his way to America. He will offer a fortune to anyone who will furnish him with an exit visa.
Yeah? What's his name?
Victor Laszlo.
Rick, that is the first time I have ever seen you so impressed.
Well, he's succeeded in impressing half the world.
It is my duty to see that he doesn't impress the other half. Rick, Laszlo must never reach America. He stays in Casablanca.
It'll be interesting to see how he manages.
Manages what?
His escape.
Oh, but I just told you. --
-- Stop it. He escaped from a concentration camp and the Nazis have been chasing him all over Europe.
This is the end of the chase.
Is that a serious offer?
I just paid out twenty. I'd like to get it back.
Make it ten. I am only a poor corrupt official.
Okay.
Done. No matter how clever he is, he still needs an exit visa, or I should say, two.
Why two?
He is traveling with a lady.
He'll take one.
I think not. I have seen the lady. And if he did not leave her in Marseilles, or in Oran, he certainly won't leave her in Casablanca.
Maybe he's not quite as romantic as you are.
It doesn't matter. There is no exit visa for him.
Louis, whatever gave you the impression that I might be interested in helping Laszlo escape?
Oh, laugh if you will, but I happen to be familiar with your record. Let me point out just two items. In 1935 you ran guns to Ethiopia. In 1936, you fought in Spain on the Loyalist side.
And got well paid for it on both occasions.
The winning side would have paid you much better.
Maybe. Well, it seems you are determined to keep Laszlo here.
I have my orders.
Yeah, you were saying?
Oh, how do you do?
That makes Rick a citizen of the world.
Well, you were asking about Rick and here he is. Mademoiselle, may I present --
Oh, no, Rick never --
Oh, it's my party.
Well, Ricky. I'm very pleased with you. Now you're beginning to live like a Frenchman.
Well, I told Strasser he wouldn't find the letters here. But I told my men to be especially destructive. You know how that impresses Germans? Rick, have you got these letters of transit?
Louis, are you pro-Vichy or Free French?
Serves me right for asking a direct question. The subject is closed.
Well, it looks like you're a little late.
So Yvonne's gone over to the enemy.
As I suspected, you're a rank sentimentalist.
Yeah? Why?
Why do you interfere with my little romances?
Put it down as a gesture to love.
How can you close me up? On what grounds?
But you haven't any actual proof, and you know it. This isn't Germany or occupied France. All you can do is fine him a few thousand francs and give him thirty days. You might as well let him go now.
Ricky, I'd advise you not to be too interested in what happens to Laszlo. If by any chance you were to help him escape --
-- What makes you think I'd stick my neck out for Laszlo?
Because one, you've bet ten thousand francs he'd escape. Two, you have the letters of transit, now don't bother to deny it. And, well, you might do it simply because you don't like Strasser's looks. As a matter of fact, I don't like him either.
Well, they're all excellent reasons.
Don't count too much on my friendship, Ricky. In this matter I'm powerless. Besides, I might lose ten thousand francs.
You're not very subtle, but you are effective. I, I get the point. Yes, I have the letters, but I intend using them myself. I'm leaving Casablanca on tonight's plane, the last plane.
Huh?
And I'm taking a friend with me. One you'll appreciate.
What friend?
Ilsa Lund. That ought to put your mind to rest about my helping Laszlo escape. The last man I want to see in America.
Ilsa is Laszlo's wife. She probably knows things that Strasser would like to know. Louis, I'll make a deal with you. Instead of this petty charge you have against him, you can get something really big, something that would chuck him in a concentration camp for years. That would be quite a feather in your cap, wouldn't it?
It certainly would. Germany... Vichy would be very grateful.
I'll arrange to have Laszlo come there to pick up the letters of transit, and that'll give you the criminal grounds on which to make the arrest. You get him, and we get away. To the Germans that last will be just a minor annoyance.
There's still something about this business I don't quite understand. Miss Lund, she's very beautiful, yes, but you were never interested in any woman.
I see. How do I know you'll keep your end of the bargain?
I'll make the arrangements right now with Laszlo in the visitor's pen.
Ricky, I'm going to miss you. Apparently you're the only one in Casablanca who has even less scruples than I.
Oh, thanks.
You're late.
I was informed just as Laszlo was about to leave the hotel, so I knew I'd be on time.
I thought I asked you to tie up your watchdogs.
You know, this place will never be the same without you, Ricky.
Yes, I know what you mean, but I've already spoken to Ferrari. You'll still win at roulette.
I have the letters right here.
Tell me, when we searched the place, where were they?
Sam's piano.
-- Not so fast, Louis. Nobody's going to be arrested. Not for a while yet.
Have you taken leave of your senses?
I have. Sit down over there.
I suppose you know what you're doing, but I wonder if you realize what this means?
I do. We've got plenty of time to discuss that later.
Call off your watch-dogs you said.
Just the same, you call the airport and let me hear you tell them. And remember, this gun's pointed right at your heart.
If you don't mind, you fill in the names. That will make it even more official.
You think of everything, don't you?
Well I was right. You are a sentimentalist.
What you just did for Laszlo, and that fairy tale that you invented to send Ilsa away with him. I know a little about women, my friend. She went, but she knew you were lying.
Anyway, thanks for helping me out.
I suppose you know this isn't going to be pleasant for either of us, especially for you. I'll have to arrest you of course.
Well, Rick, you're not only a sentimentalist, but you've become a patriot.
Maybe, but it seemed like a good time to start.
It might be a good idea for you to disappear from Casablanca for a while. There's a Free French garrison over at Brazzaville. I could be induced to arrange a passage.
My letter of transit? I could use a trip. But it doesn't make any difference about our bet. You still owe me ten thousand francs.
And that ten thousand francs should pay our expenses.
Our expenses?
Uh huh.
Where were you last night?
That's so long ago, I don't remember.
Will I see you tonight?
Give me another.
Sacha, she's had enough.
Rick, I'm sick and tired of having you --
Come on, we're going to get your coat.
Make it official, if you like.
What is your nationality?
I understand you came here from Paris at the time of the occupation.
There seems to be no secret about that.
Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris?
Well, there are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade.
Aha. Who do you think will win the war?
Are my eyes really brown?
You will forgive my curiosity, Mr. Blaine. The point is, an enemy of the Reich has come to Casablanca and we are checking up on anybody who can be of any help to us.
My interest in whether Victor Laszlo stays or goes is purely a sporting one.
In this case, you have no sympathy for the fox, huh?
Not particularly. I understand the point of view of the hound, too.
You'll excuse me, gentlemen. Your business is politics. Mine is running a saloon.
I would advise you not to interfere.
Hello?
Put that phone down!
Get me the Radio Tower!
Uh, excuse me, please. Hello, Rick.
Huh. You know, Rick, watching you just now with the Deutsches Bank, one would think you'd been doing this all your life.
Well, what makes you think I haven't?
Oh, nothing. But when you first came to Casablanca, I thought --
May I? Too bad about those two German couriers, wasn't it?
They got a lucky break. Yesterday they were just two German clerks. Today they're the 'Honored Dead'.
Thank you. Will you have a drink with me please?
No.
I forgot. You never drink with... I'll have another, please. You despise me, don't you?
If I gave you any thought, I probably would.
But why? Oh, you object to the kind of business I do, huh? But think of all those poor refugees who must rot in this place if I didn't help them. That's not so bad. Through ways of my own I provide them with exit visas.
For a price, Ugarte, for a price.
But think of all the poor devils who cannot meet Renault's price. I get it for them for half. Is that so parasitic?
I don't mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one.
Well, Rick, after tonight I'll be through with the whole business, and I am leaving finally this Casablanca.
Who did you bribe for your visa? Renault or yourself?
One moment. Tonight I'll be selling those for more money than even I have ever dreamed of, and then, addio Casablanca! You know, Rick, I have many friends in Casablanca, but somehow, just because you despise me you're the only one I trust. Will you keep these for me? Please.
For how long?
Perhaps an hour, perhaps a little longer.
I don't want them here overnight.
Rick! Rick, help me!
Don't be a fool. You can't get away.
Sam, Ferrari wants you to work for him at the Blue Parrot.
I like it fine here.
He'll double what I pay you.
Yeah, but I ain't got time to spend the money I make here.
Boss!
Yeah?
Boss, ain't you going to bed?
Ain't you planning on going to bed in the near future?
No.
You ever going to bed?
No.
Well, I ain't sleepy either.
Good. Then have a drink.
No. Not me, boss.
Then don't have a drink.
Boss, let's get out of here.
No, sir. I'm waiting for a lady.
Please, boss, let's go. Ain't nothing but trouble for you here.
She's coming back. I know she's coming back.
We'll take the car and drive all night. We'll get drunk. We'll go fishing and stay away until she's gone.
Shut up and go home, will you?
They grab Ugarte and she walks in. Well, that's the way it goes. One in, one out. Sam?
Yeah, boss?
Sam, if it's December 1941 in Casablanca, what time is it in New York?
Uh, my watch stopped.
What's that you're playing?
Just a little something of my own.
Well, stop it. You know what I want to hear.
No, I don't.
You played it for her and you can play it for me.
Well, I don't think I can remember it.
If she can stand it, I can. Play it!
This sort of takes the sting out of being occupied, doesn't it, Mr. Richard?
And getting closer every minute. Here. Drink up. We'll never finish the other three.
Where is she? Have you seen her?
It took this test package thirty-two hours to get from Seattle to St. Petersburg, a distance of nine thousand miles. And then it took forty-one hours to get from our warehouse in St. Petersburg to here, a distance of, what --
Six kilometers. Four miles.
It's bad.
Worse than Warsaw.
Nobody remembers that.
Save some for tomorrow.
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Stay calm, identify the problem. Problem, rope fraying. Solution, fix rope.
Get up.
Feels so good to lie here.
Can't. Need water.
You've had today's water.
Thirsty.
Come on, shape up, get going, you can do it.
Okay look, I know you're tired, I know you're thirsty, but give it one more shot, you've just got to do a little more.
Do too much, I'll die.
Do too little you'll die.
No more water, you said.
Take it.
No.
Take it, damn it.
No.
If they can't see you, what's the point?
Polaris, where are you? Maybe I'm too far south.
You don't know where you are. You missed the shipping lanes.
You're putting off the inevitable.
Get water!
Fix raft first.
You're beautiful. Marry me.
What are you doing?
Can't kill another one. Can't. Can't kill my friends anymore.
You fucking bleeding heart, you kill or you die.
Why do they have to die for me?
I'm lost. Goodbye.
Look, just slip off the raft. The ocean would feel so good, the water's so soft and warm. Take a little swim. Sleep.
You quitter you quitter you quitter.
The sea is lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep. And miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep. Got to fix the sea anchor. Use the sail.
Use the sail for a sea anchor and you won't move.
If I don't have a sea anchor I'll capsize.
That's death knocking, knocking on your door. Crazy little woman come knocking, knocking at my front door...
Grow up, stop being such a baby. Other people get through a lot worse.
You know, Wilson, every now and then we should say thank you. Thank you God.
What are you smiling about? They'll be back.
They're never going to see you. You're just another piece of trash in the ocean.
They're on autopilot.
They're always on autopilot. Or else it's night, or you're in the sun, or you're in the trough of a wave. They'll never see you.
I float. You sink. End of story.
I'm serious. I'm always going on about me, me, me. Enough about me. Your turn.
It's a fucking soccer ball, you idiot.
What's so damn funny?
Jesus.
It's real.
Nothing out there but ocean.
What did it matter if FedEx was five minutes late one day? The next day we just start over again.
It matters. We do the best we can, that's all we have.
You can't make it.
You came on a bicycle? No wonder it's so late.
Well, I have to say, I'm impressed. You never gave up.
You know what happened to this?
As much as anybody.
Want to come in? Get dry for a minute.
Hmmm. Feels like it might have gotten wet.
Possible. So you did those wings?
Yeah. A long time ago.
They're harder to do than they look.
Oh? You've tried?
Our apologies that it never made it to the recipient.
I can't believe this. I -- I -- They are... You're a gifted artist. You're into something very powerful. Primal. Truly.
Well, not really, I --
To tell you the truth -- you did.
Do you...have any more packages to deliver?
No. that was the last one.
Keep painting. Promise me.
Did you really steal a crippled kid's bicycle to make your deliveries, or is that just some bullshit story?
What brings you out to the sticks?
Had a package to deliver.
You? Personally?
I had it on the island with me.
Yeah, a long one.
I've got lots of time.
Sonofabitch!
Your eyes are puffy. Did you take Valium again?
My last chapter's in there, and the damn machine's jammed.
How was Russia?
Cold.
Don't overwhelm me with details, you know how I hate that. Did you get it fixed?
Got to follow the paper path here.
Chuck.
What do you want me to say? That I thought I'd done a great job but it all turned to shit? That I might as well have gone sailing for all the good I did?
Merry Christmas eve.
Four four. A record.
You don't seem too happy about it.
Ah, the staff meeting could have gone better.
Hey, look at you.
He is a cute thing.
He's your cute thing.
I can't even keep fish alive.
A puppy's got a little more personality than a fish.
You know, for when you travel.
I have to go. I'm on call for overflow down at the Hub.
A ring. I wanted a ring.
Look, I love the puppy. I love you. But I have to go.
You can't go now.
I have to.
This isn't working out.
We're a little emotional here. It's Christmas, maybe we're over-reacting.
"We're" not over-reacting.
Could you watch Jango?
No.
That's your dog.
It's our dog. It belongs to us.
There isn't any us.
I'm sorry about the presents. I got a little carried away.
No, it was great. Maybe a little overkill --
Why didn't you come over, get mad at me, tell me what a stupid bitch I was.
I guess I hadn't thought through how I felt.
What, you were going to come over the next day all calm and say, Kelly that really made me mad? Don't tell me you're mad. Be mad. Be who you are right now.
Look, we'll do our trip as soon as I get back.
Get back? From where?
Chuck, you're breaking my heart.
A week, max. Okay? Okay?
I'm sorry... I'm sorry...
Right back, you said you'd be right back.
I got married.
I thought you might have.
I would never --
I know.
If I'd known you were alive --
I didn't want to. It just happened. One day Gary was there. He took care of everything. He took care of me. I was a mess.
Her name's Hannah.
Is that Jango?
What's that?
All that time I waited to go on a cruise, and you went without me.
What's that, written on the sail?
There was a coffin?
Yeah, coffin, headstone, the whole thing.
What was inside?
Your calendar, your cell phone, your whoo pig sooey hat, some pictures of that ketch you wanted.
That about sums it up.
Maybe now's when you tell me about it.
The plane went down. My friends died. I washed up on an island. Then I found these barrels, built the raft, and here I am.
Yeah?
The tide came in, the tide went out. I survived. That's the headline. I survived.
Come on. Try.
Cliches, mainly. Don't take anyone for granted. Don't sweat the small stuff. Live each day like it's your last.
So simple to say, so hard to do.
You hated being alone. Couldn't stand it. Busy every minute. Always plugged into something.
This is so unfair.
You okay?
What will you do?
I've got to get back to Memphis. Hannah's babysitter has finals.
It means a lot...that you came.
I love you, Chuck.
You too.
I need the latest PDRs on St. Petersburg.
And how was your Christmas?
When's the next Jumbo?
The regular flight is scheduled for oh three hundred tomorrow.
Anything else?
My favorite doctor. What's the verdict?
Sorry...sorry... Why do my joints still ache?
Dehydration. Vitamin deficiency. Protein deficiency. Any or all of the above.
All I ate was fish. That's solid protein.
Protein digestion is very costly in water usage.
Which I didn't have.
I am one lucky guy.
Your body chemistry and your exposure to the elements would normally lead to irritability, depression, anxiety, periods of self-reproach. It's almost like schizophrenia. Different sides of your personality might come to life, speak out, act out.
If you say you are.
I most definitely say I am.
Yes, yes he did.
You are aware of the potential disruptiveness on your loved ones when you return to your old life?
Doc, I'm not on the island. I'm not on the raft. I'm alive. I'm so glad to be back, I can't tell you. I just want out of here.
Need some help?
You're not out of Pascagoula, are you?
I used to drive one of those. A long time ago.
Hey, once a driver, always a driver. You want a lift? I've just got one more pickup.
You're Chuck Noland.
Bless us O Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thou bounty, through Christ the Lord. Amen.
Thought you were going to bring her.
But chickens?
Sixty three pounds consumed per capita, up from twenty seven in 1960. Going to pass beef. Chicken's global. No religious taboos. You don't see your Hindus and your Muslims boycotting poultry.
Really?
Come on down to the plant. It's state of the art. We're doing for chickens what FedEx did for the delivery business.
What happened to your pants?
It seemed like she had such a good time last time.
Look, I help take care of the place. You got my check, didn't you Mom?
Mom, this is a farm. We've got real strawberries growing outside, we've got real cream.
Maybe I should take a few days off. Roger's working now, you could use some help around here...
Don't you even think about it.
The place is falling apart.
Doing great, Mom, don't worry about me.
When'd you start working here?
Roger got me on. I wasn't doing anything, and -- but you're back, you're really back. I would have come to Memphis, but --
I've got all this back pay coming. Why don't you let me get you a place in town?
What a journey you've had. It seems more than a person should have to bear.
Trying.
Okay. After three years the PTR reverts to tape storage, which is okay because we access it through the CPC. Here it is. Ten packages from the same sender. Baku. Delhi. St. Petersburg. The guy was a real road warrior. This package was Kuala Lampur. No activity in his account after this package. No forwarding addresses after K.L.
What about the sender?
Hmmm. Durango, Colorado; Asheville, North Carolina, then...canceled her account.
Can you find her?
Kamal is not here.
Who is this? Where is Kamal?
It is Ibrim, I, I am a sorter.
What's going on down there?
Kamal is not here. We are very defused.
What do you expect, from the guy who stole a kid's bicycle when his truck broke down?
How'd it go?
You what?
I checked the weather, you had the jet stream, you could have made it up.
But I might not have.
Jesus. I got it working... You have no idea how hard it was... They're finally a team...
I'm touched.
You fucked us over.
The point of FedEx, as I understand it, is to make the damn connection.
I was making a point.
What? Let Paris hold its plane? Let Memphis take care of it? Let somebody down the line clean up your mess?
Every person counts, every package counts, that's my point.
You know what your problem is? You just see the packages in front of you. You don't see the big picture.
I didn't know we had sailboats.
It's a ketch Kelly and I had chartered.
And never take.
Look, I'm sorry about your plane. But I couldn't risk being late into Memphis.
Forget it.
You know General McLelland, he wouldn't attack unless he had everything just right. Finally Abe Lincoln came to him and said, General, if you're not going to use my army, could I borrow it for a while? So he gave it to Grant and Grant just said, let's go.
I'm from Arkansas. Tell me a story with Robert E. Lee in it and maybe I'll pay attention.
We're warriors, not desk jockeys. We've got to be bold. You always want all your ducks lined up. But nothing's 100 percent. It's always 60-40, maybe 51-49. Hell, I'd take 40-60. Then roll the dice.
That's why you're a gambling man.
That's why I'm running foreign and you're not. That's why you're not married and I am.
For the third time.
You are one sick fucker.
I'm trying to help you here. There's Warsaw, there's this --
A hundred rubles St. Petersburg hits 95 percent in a month.
Ninety five percent? Just give me the money now.
Talk is cheap. Are we on or not?
Malaysia's tanking. We're meeting in ten in operations.
Hello?
God damn! God damn! Chuck, it's you!
It's me.
You're fucking dead!
I beat the odds!
Hello.
How about we go somewhere else?
This stinks really bad.
Cool ropes.
I braided them.
Must have taken a hell of a long time.
You were how long on this?
When I first showed up, I thought you'd lost your fucking marbles.
To Wilson.
You've been over the line and you came back. You've been saved, hallelujah!
I'm serious. The burning bush, the big picture, the words in neon...
To life. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
To life.
That's all there is.
Digital laser readers.
Take your time.
What?
That's what it's about.
Not just that. Take your time. Use it. Live it.
What, then?
Deliver this package. Then, I dunno.
You want that delivered, we'll deliver it. That's what we do.
I need to do it.
Thanks. For everything.
Permission to come aboard, sir.
Permission granted.
May I ask, where are you bound?
San Francisco. And you?
As it happens, I'm headed for Frisco myself.
Would you do us the honor of joining us? We're just sitting down at mess. Pork chops and gravy, cranberries, baked potatoes with all the trimmings, fresh- baked bread, apple pie...
Only if you can afford it.
It's not ergot, it's not pituitary extract, it's not oil of rue...
Wilbur, the adopting couple is waiting in your office.
I was dreaming about you. How beautiful you were!
You weren't dreaming about me.
Then I wasn't beautiful.
You were! You *are*! It was fantastic.
They want to replace me! The Board of Trustees wants to *replace* me!
They just want you to hire some new help.
He'll need clothes... some money...
Let him try to *make* some money! That's part of "seeing the world," isn't it?
Oh, just stop it! You knew this was going to happen. He's a young man.
He's still a boy--out in the world, he's still a boy.
He is a goddamn psychiatrist--of *course* he wants to "help"! He'd be happy if he could help *commit* me!
It's that Mrs. Goodhall you have to be careful of, Wilbur.
This is *your* life story, Wilbur! You just changed the dates!
"An internship and two years of training at the Boston Lying-in, South End Branch. For his age, he was judged an accomplished gynecological obstetrical surgeon; he is also experienced in pediatric care..."
You *invented* him! You've completely made his up!
These *credentials* are against the law!
Oh my, yes! This is a *far* superior taste--and crisp, too! You know, so many apples are disappointingly mealy. I wonder of most of the apples in my life weren't meant for pies!
Wilbur, he picked them for us himself...
I suppose it wouldn't hurt to *meet* him. What's his name again?
Dr. Homer Wells.
He *sniffs* that ether! I've seen him do it!
It's because he's too tired to sleep. He has to.
He *smells* like he could put you to sleep!
He's a doctor, Buster--doctors smell like ether.
*You're* a doctor, Homer--you don't smell like ether.
I'm *not* a doctor. I haven't been to medical school--I haven't even been to high school!
But you've studied with the old man for *years*!
I'm *not* a doctor!
I mean your parents.
I know who you mean. I think about leaving here, but not to find *them*.
Why not?
Whoever they were, they didn't *do* any of the things parents are supposed to do. Dr. Larch did those things, and Nurse Edna, and Nurse Angela.
Yeah. But sometimes I wish I could meet mine, anyway.
What for, Buster? What would you do if you met them?
Uh... I'd like to show them that I can cook, a little.
You cook very well!
And that I can drive a truck!
Better than I can!
Homer, you know I would never kill anyone--you know I wouldn't.
I think Mary Agnes could kill someone.
What's she so emotional about?
What'd she die of?
What are you going to tell the little ones?
I'll tell them Fuzzy was adopted.
Why would the little ones believe that *anyone* would adopt him?
They'll believe it because they want to believe it.
Shouldn't we tell Homer?
It's time somebody ate *them*.
I was lookin' for Wally's letter. I was gonna show it to Homer... They made him a captain already-- *Captain* Worthington!
Daddy, it's a letter to *me*.
He mentions Homer, too, you know.
It's gettin' late. I think I'll pack it in.
How about him not needin' the friggin' compass! How about that?
Good night, kids. Don't catch cold-- it's gettin' cold already.
So, Mrs...
How many months are you?
Is your family in the apple business, too?
No, but I work there--I like it. My dad's a lobsterman.
I've never seen a lobster.
Really?
I know.
He's going to be dropping bombs on Mandalay! They're going to be shooting at him!
Where's Mandalay?
Burma!
Oh...
I can't have a baby alone. I don't even know if he's coming back!
I'm a little worried about the... ...about how much bleeding is okay.
I guess I'll see you around the orchards. Thanks for everything.
So. Not bored yet?
Uh... have you been *feeling* okay?
You have to come to my dad's lobster pound and see one, then.
I better go.
A movie *outside*?
Yes. But it's closed all the time now, because of the blackout.
People watched the movies in their cars?
When they watched at all. Do you like movies?
You've seen only one movie? Which one?
But you looked as if you liked it.
First she loved him, then she didn't, then no one else could have him...
And what did she die of, exactly?
She was torn apart! She died of a broken heart.
What's the *medical* explanation?
You're a natural. You were born to drive a car like this.
The screen is enormous! Imagine King Kong up *there*! Have you seen a lot of movies here?
What are you so crazy about the movies for?
It was my favorite night at the orphanage--movie night. We'd race into the dining hall. Of course everyone wanted to sit in front, so we'd be packed in so tight you could feel the kid next to you breathing.
At least you were never lonely.
You don't miss it?
I miss things. I miss... people. I miss reading to the boys.
But you had so much *responsibility*.
I never *asked* for any responsibility.
Privacy is exactly the point of drive- in movies.
Sometimes... movies mostly bore Wally.
Ah-ha. So what is that--a radio?
How could you not *care* about the movie?
You just cuddle. You come to hug... to kiss. You don't *come* here to watch the movie.
That's what *I'd* come here for. I'd watch the movie.
Aren't you worried that people will cut their feet?
I *know* this was right.
Just tell me. Do you want me to go? Do you want me to stay?
It will be okay.
*What* will be okay?
Olive told me. You might have told me yourself.
Do you think I'm having a good time? Do you think I'm just *teasing* you? Do you think I *know* whether I want you or Wally?
So we should "wait and see." For how long?
I grew up with Wally. I began my adult life with him.
Fine. That's all there is to it then.
No! That's not all there is to it! I love you, too--I *know* I do.
Okay, okay--I know you do, too.
We should take her to St. Cloud's. That much is obvious, isn't it? Let her make up her mind when she gets there...
I told her! She doesn't feel she can do that. Something about her father not letting her go anywhere...
She won't go to St. Cloud's!
Well, we can't force her. It's her decision.
You don't understand! It's her father...
Mr. Rose *knows*?
Wait... *wait*! Are you sure?
Just tell me. I'll do whatever you want to do.
Nothing.
Isn't that like waiting and seeing?
No. Nothing is nothing. I want Wally to come home. I'm afraid to see him, too.
I know. Is *that* nothing.
Please don't move, don't go anywhere.
*Go* anywhere? Of course not! That would be *doing* something, wouldn't it? We wouldn't want to *do* something. Let's just sit here all night!
If you're trying to be funny, Homer...
Stop it! Just cut it out!
You got up! You *did* something! If you keep this up, you might be in danger of making a *decision*!
I know, I'm sorry.
He's *paralyzed*!
He's *alive*. He still loves you. So do I.
Please don't make me say it again.
I *helped* you not to think about Wally. You were so upset--you couldn't stand worrying about him, about his being killed and not coming back-- but when you were with me, you could stop worrying... well, for a while, anyway. This is how I helped you, right?
Please... that's enough. I *loved* you, too--you know I did.
"...did." Well, okay.
Please don't...
And now that Wally's coming back, and because he'll certainly *need* you...
Do you think she'll be all right?
This came for you a couple of days ago. Olive asked me to bring it. With everything happening, I guess she forgot.
I know you don't think much of being needed, or of me for that matter...
I'm sorry for what I said about Wally needing you. It was... unnecessary.
No, I'm the one who should be sorry. You have every right to be angry.
How is that Wally doing?
Hi...
I've got some more clothes for you-- I just keep forgetting to bring them with me.
I don't need no more clothes, thank you.
You ain't been through what I been through, Candy.
I know where you can go. Homer and I can take you...
I can't go nowhere.
You can trust me. Is it Jack? It's not Jack, is it? It's *Muddy*! Is it Muddy?
So many children. Are they all orphans?
I'm okay--I can walk.
I don't want you to walk--I want to carry you. Should I put the top up? It might get cold.
Wally thinks apples are boring.
I never said they were boring.
You said, "Apples aren't exactly flying."
There! You said it was boring.
I love you, Wally.
I was just showing Homer the orchards... kind of a geography lesson.
You've been giving him a *flying* lesson!
He thinks people *like* to get whacked by branches.
I thought they might take me.
They wanted a girl.
You're one of the best, Curly--we couldn't let just anyone take you.
Dr. Larch wouldn't let just anyone take *any* of us!
That's true.
Nobody's asked for me, have they?
Nobody special enough, Curly.
You mean somebody asked?
Her temperature is a hundred and four.
That's a heavy sedation.
I don't know! He's just leaving-- you're the one who says he needs to see the world! *That's* what he'll do--he'll see the world!
"Homer Wells, born Portland, Maine, March 2, 1915..."
Homer was born *here*, in, what was it, 1922?
You mean they'll replace you with someone who won't perform abortions.
So here is my candidate. What do you think?
Or that he can't be bothered to write us a proper letter? A dissertation on apples, we don't need!
He probably doesn't make much money picking apples--he must have had to pay to send them, too.
I just wanted to ask you...
Edna! Come dance with me! Let's be foolish tonight.
Is *your* father dead?
Cirrhosis--it's a disease of the liver.
*Liver* killed him?
*Alcohol* killed him--he drank himself to death.
But did you know him?
Barely. It hardly mattered that I knew him.
Did you know your mother better?
She's dead now, too. She was a nanny.
What's a nanny do?
She looks after other people's children.
Did you grow up around here?
No. She was an immigrant.
What's an immigrant?
Homer... doesn't King Kong think the woman is his *mother*?
Uh, sure--that's what Kong thinks, all right.
"I was a posthumous child. My father's eyes had closed upon the light of this world six months, when mine opened on it."
Uh... it's the end of October.
Don't get too excited, Fuzzy.
Did you bite it?
I don't remember.
It looks like you bit it--it'll be all right.
Maybe I was kissing someone and he bit me.
No, you did it yourself. Maybe in your sleep.
I'm sorry. They're not used to seeing a car like this.
So, now, uh... you're not... I mean, do *you* do the--
No. Dr. Larch will be performing the procedure.
What kind of plane are you flying?
A B-24 Liberator.
Liberator...
Have you enlisted?
They wouldn't take me. I'm Class IV-- I've got a heart defect.
Really! Is it serious?
Has anyone offered you anything to eat?
I wonder if you might give me a ride.
Sure! Be glad to! Uh... a ride where?
Where are you going?
I think I'd probably like the apple business.
You're a little overqualified, aren't you?
No, I'm not. I need a job.
This is all normal. Don't worry. The abortion procedure... it affects you. It's the ether, too. It'll take a little time.
I don't *have* any time. There's a *war*!
"Burma run" because you fly over Burma...
At what altitude?
What lousy luck--I mean your orders... to draw an assignment like that!
Uh, look... if you're serious about wanting a job, picking apples isn't that boring.
They're migrants.
Migrants?
It's almost like flying.
What about the trees?
Uh... I'm shipping out sooner than I thought. I just wanted to be sure you were settled in--and happy enough, considering... Are you bored stiff? Or can you stick it out for a bit?
Uh... actually, picking apples is as much excitement as I want for a while. I'm grateful for the job.
You're the one who's helping *me*, Homer. You're going to give my mom a little peace of mind while I'm gone. Candy, too.
Well, sure... that's good, then. All I mean is, I'm lucky I met you.
So. What should I do now?
It's big enough to keep you out of the war, I suppose. Ain't that right?
Stop it, Homer. They aren't our rules. We didn't write them. I don't see no reason to read them.
That's better. I can tell you got yourself some education. Them's good hands you got, Homer. Them hands you got, they know what they're doin'-- ain't that right?
Are we supposed to be up here? The rules said...
Cider don't have no taste till later in October--it's too watery now, when we're usin' just them early Macs and them Gravensteins. You don't get no *good* cider till you're pickin' them Golden Delicious and them Winter Bananas, them Baldwins and them Russerts...
What about the worms? Most of these apples are the drops--off the ground, right? There have to be worms.
Slow down, Homer--don't be in such a big hurry.
This is easy--I'm not hurrying.
I didn't see where you was pickin' this mornin', Homer, but you musta worked up a big appetite. You look like you're serious about gettin' to your lunch today!
I think you been stayin' up too late at night, Homer.
You're actually having sex with your own little girl? Is that possible?
Ain't nobody havin' *sex* with my little girl, Homer--that's somethin' a father knows.
Homer, don't you know what business you in? You don't wanna go into no business with me, Homer--ain't that right?
But she's your *daughter*...
Please listen to me! *Both* of you...
What business is you in, Homer?
What's that? What's it called?
One cervical stabilizer, two sets of dilators--Douglas points. One medium- sized curette, one small; one medium speculum, one large; two vulsellum forceps.
Merthiolate, ether, vulval pads, gauze--lots of gauze.
I'm stayin', Homer.
If that was your knife, Muddy, I wanna thank you for givin' it to her-- no girl should be goin' *hitch-hikin'* if she don't got a good knife with her.
Where'd she get you?
There's more than one laceration, more than one cut.
Let me hear you say that! I so unhappy she runned away that I killed myself-- that what happen here, ain't that right?
First pregnancy?
Yes, for both.
I presume you'd prefer handling the delivery.
All I said was, I don't want to perform abortions. I have no argument with *you* performing them.
You know *how* to help these women-- how can you not feel *obligated* to help them when they can't get help anywhere else?
One: it's illegal. Two: I didn't ask how to do it--you just showed me.
There was no visible wound?
No. The fetus was dead. Her uterus was virtually *disintegrating*--my stitches pulled right through the tissue!
It looks like scurvy.
It's obviously an aborticide.
Christ, it's oil of tansy!
I don't know it.
If you take enough of it, your intestines lose their ability to absorb Vitamin C.
In other words, scurvy.
Fuzzy is not uncommon. I tell you, there's something about the premature babies of alcoholic mothers. They seem susceptible to every damn thing that comes along.
I haven't read that.
I haven't, either. But you *will*. The morons who write the books should do a little research *here*.
But isn't Fuzzy just... well, underdeveloped?
Where's the name sheet?
Nobody's named this one yet.
He doesn't like it. He's a boy, That's why.
Can't a boy be a Dorrit?
I don't think so.
Henceforth you shall be... Little Wilbur.
Okay, he's just a Wilbur then.
I thought you took care of this. It always breaks in the same place. It's your splice, isn't it?
I thought it was my turn.
How about expecting people to be responsible enough to control themselves to begin with?
It's just a marvel to me that you still have such high expectations of people.
I'm happy I amuse you.
Try to look at it this way. What choice does Buster have? What are his options? Nobody will ever adopt him.
Try to look at it *this* way. Buster and I are sitting right here beside you. We could have ended up in the incinerator!
Doubtless you'll let me know what immensely worthwhile or at least *useful* thing it is that you find to do.
I wasn't intending to leave here in order to be entirely useless--I expect I'll find some ways to be of use.
In other parts of the world, I suppose there are other ways.
Of course.
Are you really so *stupid* that you imagine you're going to find a more gratifying life? What you're going to find is people like the poor people who get left here--only nobody takes care of them as well! And you won't be able to take care of them, either. There's no taking care of *anybody*-- not out there!
You know I'm grateful for everything you've done for me...
I don't need this--I know all about my condition.
I am not a doctor.
What I mean is... I would like it very much if you thought you could be happy here, Homer.
Mrs. Worthington, I feel I'm very lucky to be here.
I think Wally will be fine, Mrs. Worthington--he seems indestructible to me.
Uh... sure.
Good-bye, Arthur. Homer, I'll see you tomorrow?
Don't mess in this, Homer, if you know what's good for you.
How long's this been going on, Muddy?
"One: Please don't smoke in bed."
We heard that one already, Homer.
Thanks, guys... I'd like to go with you. But I've got to move on.
Rose Rose?
What's that?
It's just my heart.
There's a little something wrong with it. Just this part here--the right ventricle. It's slightly enlarged.
So what?
Do you like to read?
You ain't gettin' in no trouble, I hope.
I'm not in trouble.
Give men that. I know how to do it.
Oh, I suppose you is a doctor, Homer?
You okay, Rose?
I guess you must like watchin' me be sick...
You're not yet three months, are you?
Not yet. What do you know about it?
I know more than I want to know about it. Who's the father?
Don't trouble yourself about it, Homer--this ain't your business.
But you don't look very happy.
*Happy*! What are you thinkin'? How am I supposed to take care of a baby! I can't have a baby.
What I mean is, if you don't want to... keep the baby, I know a place where you can go.
Why don't you just go back to your pickin', Homer? I can take care of it myself!
That's *it*?
That's it.
Who cares?
Now, now. He's a good boy.
Shit. We don't know what he is.
I bet the view looks better from the Worthin'tons'.
That just ain't right, Jack--your cigarette's gonna end up in nine or ten gallons of this batch of cider! That ain't right.
Them people drinkin' that cider, they don't know there's a cigarette in there!
It's not that hard to find it in there, Jack--it'll take you just a minute. You just gotta go fishin'.
You mean *swimmin'*. I ain't goin' in that vat to fish out no cigarette!
Do you know him?
I fail to see how someone courageous enough to make a commitment to a foreign mission is automatically to be dismissed--that part of the world requires precisely the kind of dedication that is needed here.
Does it *snow* in Bombay? One winter here and we'll be shipping him south, in a *coffin*!
You can't think that a man who has *served* under such conditions as exist over there will be in the slightest daunted by a little *snow*-- have you no idea how harsh and primitive and full of *disease* that part of the world is?
I fail to see how a little Christianity could *hurt* anyone here!
When the plane was hit, the crew chief and the radioman jumped close together. The copilot jumped third. All on Captain Worthington's orders-- the captain was still flying the plane. None of the men of the ground could see the sky--that's how thick the jungle was. They never saw the plane crash--they never *heard* it crash. They never saw Captain Worthington's parachute, either.
Why was he missing for twenty days?
Then it's malaria?
No autonomic effects... that's correct.
When will he be home, Major?
They told me I was too old to serve.
Ain't you gonna see what it is, Homer?
Mind your own business, Peaches.
You all take care of yourself, too, Homer!
Don't this place look like home?
It look nicer then home!
You pickin' nothin' but cider apples, Peaches--I hope you understand that.
They ain't drops--I picked 'em off the tree!
They're *outrageous*, them rules!
Where's your manners? Make room for Homer, so's he can enjoy the view.
*What* view?
Don't let us make you nervous or nothin'--we know you gotta job to do.
It's that Vernon--he keeps askin' where you and Homer and Rose Rose is at.
Tell that Vernon to mind his own business, Muddy.
I told him that you all is sick.
She's *good* with that knife! She's real fast. She's a lot better with that knife than *you* is, Muddy! And who do you suppose taught her?
*You* taught her, I suppose...
That what happen--you lost you only daughter so's you killed yourself! That's what we say, all right.
Daddy, I'd like to be in that Wally's shoes *every* night.
You lucky you in your work boots tonight, girl...
That sounds like you is in trouble already, Homer.
We should drown that damn Jack in the vat!
Now, now, darlin'... Jack just needs to know what business he's in.
Yeah, you really showed him, Daddy-- you just about cut your own hand off, and all you cut off *him* was his clothes!
Now, now, Jack--that just ain't right.
Where do you think you're going?
You ain't goin' nowhere in the middle of the night, girl!
You just go inside, Homer. We don't need no help.
That Candy--she's the nicest girl I know!
You're lucky he didn't cut your *nipples* off, man.
The good news, Jack, is you're half- undressed for *swimmin'*...
Rose Rose has runned away!
She took off in the night!
You ever see a palm tree, Homer?
But I'm not that late. You didn't have to give away my seat.
Thanks for playing along. I just have to sit for a while.
Tough day?
Brutal day. They say the streets are lined with money down here, but I guess you have to know the secret handshake. What are you drinking?
My name's Grant. Grant Ashby.
So, what do you do?
It's more like what aren't I doing. My partners and I are trying to secure start up capital for a small tech company. We tried the venture capitalist route in the Valley, but then again who hasn't up there.
Silicon Valley?
Can --
So we've been meeting with banks all day. It's amazing how many ways they can say "no" without ever using the word.
Don't tell me you started a tech firm here before us.
No, no. Nothing like that. I work in a bank.
Oh. Well, thanks for the drink.
Uh, right... And that was it. That's when we decided to start our own business. No more shithead bosses.
What do you do over at your bank, Grant?
Here's where a little research comes in handy. Corporate banks give out VP titles like calendars. It's a small lie, but now we're sure he's playing.
Maybe you can help us understand what's so hard about getting a corporate loan.
Well, typically speaking, they're not. As long as you can demonstrate --
A capacity for gross fund recovery. Yeah, we got that part.
That's right. And tech firms... They 'tend to scare people off.
They scare people off because most people lack vision. Vision and balls. Present company excluded of course.
Banks need to know how they're going to get their money back.
We know exactly how we're going to make the money back. There in lies the Catch-22
Listen, what I'm about to tell you, I'm telling you in confidence, okay? Have you ever heard of a company called Big.Com?
Big.Com. That Internet thing.
Right. The guys who started that did what a lot of companies in the Valley do. They get a good idea, shop it around, raise some capital, then sell it off to a bigger company. Microsoft, Intel, Oracle, whatever. The beauty of it is, they've pretty much sold the company before they're even real. The bigger company is already set to buy it, all
Sort of like a letter of intent.
Exactly. But the Catch-22 is that you can't tell anyone about the offer, because if it's public, you could start a bidding war and that's considered a breach of etiquette. It could kill a deal. But, wait too long and you're not considered hot anymore.
And you have this letter of intent?
We had to finalize the deal.
Everything looks in order.
This has to happen fast.
I know. It won't go unnoticed.
What's this?
Let's just slow down for a second...
You're worried about recouping the loan. I already told you.
Then there it is. Ashby gets the itch.
The standard ten.
Ten percent. Of how much?
Same thing with playing a con. You have to be able to see that deep.
Hey, Jake... When am I gonna get to play the Inside?
Gordo plays the inside. You're the Shill.
Yeah, but come on... All I get to do is cry and get insulted.
What are you talking about? You should get a fucking Academy Award for the Shill work you do. We got it down cold, Al. You don't want to jinx it by changing something up, do you?
It can erase all those things about you that you wish didn't exist.
And I think it's because of this redhead...
Know who I am, Jake?
The Anti-Christ?
Things are probably going to end badly for you, Jake.
Gee... What makes you say that?
Your life flashing before your eyes?
Just the last three weeks.
Grifters...
We can't all be model citizens such as yourself.
It's all about the money, isn't it?
I'm not saying anything. Besides, you're one to talk. You're the one who's got me on my knees in a dark alley.
Keeping the Fix happy.
You never know when you can use a crooked cop.
Keep going. I want to know how you got Lionel Dolby.
So you want to know how to play the Big Con.
So how'd you get caught?
I can see why you liked her.
But there were other factors.
He's just as crooked as the next guy. You'd think he'd have more important things to do with tax payer dollars.
Nice.
Thanks. Did you know you shouldn't light three cigarettes with a match?
Back in WWI or WWII, one of the WW's, if you took the time to light three cigarettes with one match, some Nazi would be able to figure out where you were. Then, well... It was the last cigarette you and your two buddies ever had. So three on a match is bad luck.
You're a superstitious fucker.
Luck's a funny thing. Especially the bad.
Like what?
She had you tempting fate.
Is that what it was, Jake? Was it love?
So much for honor among thieves. You would have cut loose your friends, your girl...
I was doing it for them.
BULLSHIT! You were scared, Jake! You lost your nerve! You lost your confidence! You weren't being noble. You weren't trying to save anybody but yourself! Admit it.
It's not true.
We were back on.
After you cut her loose.
Alrlght, alrlght. What happened today?
Alright... Turn around. She doesn't get shit, unless I get that money. Where is it?
Oh, Jake. You disappoint me. And you just let Lily here down again. What was it you said about playing the big con?
It's like putting on a play, where everyone knows their part except for the mark.
Like putting on a play... Guess some people forgot their lines.
Guess so.
Not that I recall. What do you want us to do about it?
Let's see... Let's suppose he gets to Customs and he gets caught. We get our money back, but then we have to deal with a criminal investigation. I don't much like that idea. Then again, let's suppose he actually gets through Customs. Now, that'll be something. We recover the money in cash and let the insurance cover the corporate fraud. We double our money.
So we go to the bar.
I think so. The airport's going to be crawling with police. Traffic will be a nightmare. Go down to the bar. If they pull it off, great. Have someone deal with Ashby.
We'll take care of it.
Ten is standard, sir.
Who's that?
The cash we fleeced off of him was collection money. He was supposed to take that money and give it to the King earlier yesterday like he does every Thursday. 'Cept this time, he figured he could make a little something for himself off us and still get the King's money back before any body says "boo."
Currently, the King Pin is a very large-type pole stuck up our asses.
Mob?
Independent. Same shit, just independent. They call him the King Pin because he looks like that guy from the comic book... Big. Fat. Bald.
So what? We hide, right?
What are you? New? Let me tell you how good this guy is. Last night, Al calls this bookie to settle up. Apparently he's been ducking him for like a month. So the guy asks him where he's got all this money all of a sudden, right? What does Al do? Does he tell him that he cashed in a fucking Bar Mitzvah bond?
You're pissed we didn't get credit?
Big Al gets whacked mid-egg foo young. The whole thing took about two and a half hours. That's how good he is.
We sure Big Al threw him to us?
Whoa. What?
Fuck that. We're going too.
This might just be me, but that is hands down, the dumbest fucking idea I've ever heard.
The red hair... It's bad luck.
Poor bastard never knew what hit him. Jesus, I almost felt sorry for the guy.
Masters of our own destiny.
Jake...
I'm going home
Moonan. Here. Shit...
That's it? What are you talking about? We can still do this!
Shit.
I told you, use less powder.
What? I can feel you looking at me.
That's a lot of cash. He came up with it pretty quick.
Probably some investment banker or convertible-bonds-broker-dickhead. Did you see how fast he ran out of here? It's done. He's not coming back.
It can buy you a new and better you.
Seems Lionel Dolby came down with a sudden case of drowning last night. They just pulled him out of the East River.
Well, this is just fucking great...
You know what we're doing with the money.
And what about Big Al?
When?
You gotta be kidding me. Her?
How much we going after?
We only owe the King a hundred and fifty.
We meet him with corporate papers, inquiring about a corporate loan for start up capital. The corporate papers are in order, but we need things to happen fast. Our guy fudges numbers in the right places, moves our papers to the top of the pile or to the bottom, depending upon what we need.
How's that? He works for Gillette.
Yeah... Whatever, Jake.
You laugh now, but wait until you need a clean place to powder. This is New York city, Sister. Public sanitation does not run very high on the city hall agenda. You know what you can get off a toilet or doorknob? Let's do the list... Hepatitis, influenza, the flesh eating disease --
She up for this?
She got one leg out from under him. Now we had to lean.
Uh... No thanks. I'm not going all the way to Brooklyn for a hundred dollar pay-off.
We're going to make it back, Grant. Three or four times over.
You'll be there?
Eight A.M. flight.
Calls?
Jake --
So that's it...
Then he had to bang it out across the street at the Bank of the Caymens...
You ever use the bathroom in Kennedy?
Grifter huh? Where have you been on the grift? Couldn't been here long 'cause I would have heard of you, Skippy.
Jake. You can call me Jake. Here and there.
Here and there, Scooter? Here and there like Boston, Chicago, Houston? The bay area? Some action in London, 'til it turned nickel and dime. Or how about that little stint down in Miami? Heard you actually got into some trouble with the Feds down there. You guy's pretty good?
I have a good crew.
Minus one.
You know, back in the day, grafting was considered a gentleman's racket. Good suits, good food... The Underworld of the Underworld. A grifter had to survive on his wits, his instincts... I like that. I like the idea of that. These days, things being what they are, guys like me gotta stay low. It's all take, take, take. You can't just be fucking witty
I guess it lacks a certain style.
Of course, your line of work's only as good as the people you find.
You can't cheat an honest man.
You can't cheat an honest man. But a man like Lionel Dolby...
Honest mistake. Just give me the money back and all will be forgiven.
I can't do that.
Why not?
Let me rephrase -- I won't do that.
Let me repeat -- Why not?
Because you killed one of my crew.
Buddy, that was business. Besides, you have more crew. Then there's you...
I'll get the money back, plus interest. I go on the grift for you. You get a cat, I get a cut. And we get square.
Fucking grifters! I love it! You got balls, I'll give you that much.
I' ll be honest with you, Kid. A grifter comes in here with a fifteen hundred dollar D-K-fucking-N-Y suit, cooler than an Eskimo in winter and tells me he wants to grift for me? First thing I have to ask myself is, is he playing for me or is he just plain playing me? You tried it once.
Why?
How much?
I think two million.
What do you need from me? Permission? Go! If you can fleece him for two million, then do it, Kid.
I need you to stake me.
Stake you?
That's more than you already owe me. What happens if you fuck this up?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Listen, Scooter --
Excuse me?
Look at you, you skinny prick.
Come here. Feel this.
No thanks. I'm good.
Come on. Harder.
I think I just broke my hand.
What are you talking about? Ten's standard.
Don't get me wrong, Jake. I like you boys. You guys are the steadiest business in town. But what can I say? Twenty percent's still better than what we give to any of the other criminals.
All the shit we pulled with you and you're trying to shake us down? You guys got sack.
That tip not work-out for you fellas?
Tip was fine, Jake. We were a little more curious about the Fed.
Special Agent Gunther Moonan. Ring a bell?
Gunther? I think I'd remember a Gunther.
Oh yeah. Moonan. I remember now. Thanks.
Well he's in town and he sure as shit remembers you. What are we going to do about this Jake? We can't afford to have a Fed onto us.
I don't know what you're into with the King Pin, but whatever it is we get a piece, understand? We get a big piece. If we find out you're keeping us out, I may suddenly develop a conscious and give you up to Moonan myself. Say something stupid if we got a deal, Jake.
Something stupid.
Kennedy. International terminal. Gordo with a black suitcase. You got Moonan under control?
Sorry, I --
Of course. Jake. Nice to see you.
Well, it certainly is a coincidence. Here of all places! How is Mrs. Lewis?
What brings you down from Boston, Jake? Taking advantage of the long weekend?
Attractive girl.
Thank you. Actually, it's our first anniversary this weekend. She thinks I'm here to pick up something for my mother, but it's actually a gift for her. Think I've fooled her?
Take it from me, you never do. But congratulations. Nice to be married, isn't it?
Thank you, sir. You know, I hope this isn't too much of an inconvenience, but if Carolyn is coming down for the weekend, perhaps I could give you something for her? It's a check. We split the cost on a few books and I haven't had the chance to pay her back yet. Could you..?
I lost my head. I'm... Sorry. I don't know what happened.
Y-y-you fucking shot him! That's what happened!
I can't be here! You understand? I can't --
Oh Jesus!
What -- What do we do?
What about... The money?
What is this? You guys cops or something?
That's not --
Sorry about your wallet, but if you think I'm going to suck dick over thirty seven dollars, a maxed out Visa and a bad fake I.D., you're fucking crazy. Jake.
Take a deep breath and count to ten. It's not that kind of work. You're Lily, right?
Says who?
We have work. It pays a lot. Unless you figure on getting rich lifting wallets while old guys feel you up.
Alright! Hold up. You win. You got the job.
We had to see what your deal was. I'm just a little superstitious.
Here's my deal -- Don't waste my time. What do you want me for anyway? You don't even know me.
No. What's my cut?
You get an equal cut.
What do I have to do?
What about Customs?
I'll worry about Customs.
Hey, I'm not just along for the ride, so I don't want to hear any bullshit later about a smaller cut.
Mr. King, I think --
What the hell's his problem?
Don't worry about it.
You need to get a haircut.
What?
And some new clothes.
Why?
We're going to rope this banker tomorrow and you gotta at least look classy, if not be classy. You gotta do this thing and I don't even know if you can.
You're just going to have to trust me.
I don't trust anyone.
Uh... Everything okay?
He's gone.
Uh-huh.
I gotta go get a haircut.
You just put a mother of a jinx on us.
Lighten up.
You told me to change my hair!
What about this? Do you have any idea what this means? You've killed us. We're dead!
We're getting down to the wire. Apparently another company has a similar product in R&D right now. If they beat us to it...
Look at you... You want to go.
For what? A couple hundred bucks?
I think you'd do it for free. You're almost drooling. You like the rush.
It's what I do. It's my job.
Why? Your mother not breast feed you or something?
Are you asking me if I have something to prove?
Do you have something to prove?
Not in that repressed anger sort of way.
I'm your basic underachiever. Can't stand working and porn doesn't seem like a good option.
Good quality porn has it's place in the world.
Whatever. But you... I get the feeling you could have bullshitted your way into anything. So why this?
I'm good at it. Lying, cheating, manipulating... I'm good at it.
It's more than that.
Intuition. It doesn't make you Yoda. Like tonight. You killed that guy tonight. But I knew you would.
So that was my part? Smile and shake my ass?
No. You have another part? You'll know what to do.
How do you know I will?
You have really soft hands. Like a baby's.
How do you deal with --
WHAT?
Who says you have to know the King to be in a hole? I actually did have a real job once. When I was in high school, I worked as a candy striper.
Sounds respectable.
Not the way I did it. I was loaded half the time. I don't know how you could change bedpans sober. I used to hang out with this guy, Glenn. He was an x-ray technician or something.
He wasn't my boyfriend. I had a boyfriend at the time... What was his name? Anyway, Glenn was like thirty. I was only fifteen. But he was a nice guy. Real sweet. Liked to talk. We used to get loaded on pills from the nurses station and then listen to Morrisey or some stupid shit like that.
Yeah, the sensitive guy-thing never worked for me.
We were friends. I trusted him. I should have known it was weird. But, then again I was weird.
No, we never got busted. We were done with a shift one night, both a couple of Percocets down and I was telling Glenn about my boyfriend, about how we were thinking about doing it, you know? I was thinking about letting him be my first because I loved him. What the hell was his name?
Glenn talked you out of it.
He was looking out for you.
Shit, what was that guy's name? I really liked him.
Lily... Jesus Christ...
Did, uh... Did you kill him?
No. You trusted him... You were just getting square.
Jesus... Take it easy.
You are such a raving pussy sometimes.
Hey, we fucked once, honey. That hardly makes you a good judge of character. And don't think I didn't know you were working some angle with that either.
Everyone's working an angle, right?
What about...
What about what?
So there it is. You got that big itch you need to scratch. It's all about the fucking money. What do you want, an apology?
No, I want my cut!
Sorry. I didn't know...
You got my cell. Leave a message.
What do you get, Lily? Finder's Fee? Because it is all about the money, right?
You tell them the "Tale".
What do you want? An apology?
Tick-tock...
If you wanna help, then help. If not, shut up.
Your mess.
Then shut up.
Stop waving that thing around.
Yeah.
I was supposed to meet him for breakfast. He likes that new IHOP they just opened, you know... He likes to order that thing. The Rutti- Tutti-Fresh and Fruity thing they got.
Miles...
It's bad luck.
Just an idea, but let's just fucking split. We'll meet up anywhere. Akron or Austin or Atlanta. Anywhere...
Do we want insurance? I'm just asking...
Meet me at my place later.
How do you know the King's going to let you walk?
You better hurry. The police will be here any second. I don't really understand my motivation with this. Why am I washing glasses?
We're working for the King.
No. Big con. One rag. One rag and we get out from under all this. But we need another Shill.
What do we need another Shill for?
Why?
Uh...
What?
I'm just thinking out loud here, but... Two million in a briefcase?
It never worked before because A, they didn't flush the bank enough; B, their corporate papers were for shit; C, they didn't have someone on the inside with Customs.
Yeah, or D, it's a dumb fucking idea...
Then what do you want to do, Miles? Run?
We never had a problem with that before.
Yeah, well we never had this kind of problem before.
What are you talking about? Yes we have. And we would have been beautiful about it. We would've had a bucket of chicken delivered to the King with a nice kiss my ass card attached to it. Then we woulda moved on 'til the next local putz caught on.
We're getting a little old for running.
Yeah, well we're still a little young for Albany State Prison. Are you pissed about Al? I'm pissed too, but I'm not like "twenty-five to life" pissed.
Is it all fugasi?
What you're looking for in a mark is someone who's weakness you can exploit.
Him.
But if you wanna talk about bad luck...
So this is our boss, right? He chases me and Miles out of his office and he's yelling and screaming, "You're fired! Your whole team's fired!" He starts looking for Lily, Lupus, Gordo --
What do we do? We change the scam?
No, no, no! Not this time. I am doing this for your own good! You guys have got to learn when to stop. You with the Armani! You with the hookers!
Escorts!
Feeling lucky today, Miles. Found a penny -- Heads up. There was an empty cab right outside my building. We hit every green light.
And we got rid of the red head.
Excuse me? I believe you're holding something far me under Pearson.
Do you have a ticket?
I'm sorry. Nothing under Pearson.
You're sure? This is... Just a complete disaster.
A ring for my wife. A lot like that one. In fact, it was that one.
That's no problem. We have those in stock.
Thank you. Sorry, I'm just a little anxious to give it to her. You take out of state checks?
I understand that, but I had my wallet stolen last night. Is there any way..?
I know it's policy, but... The thing is... It's our first anniversary and we're only in town for the weekend. It's a very, very special night for my wife and I. This ring is my gift to her and I think she's going to really love it. I can give you phone numbers to call for people who'll vouch. I can send you I.D.
I'm sorry.
When this is all over, you're going to tell me who the King put on Al.
You going to have the time?
King ain't gonna like this.
Don't worry, I'll settle up with your boss. We haven't skipped town yet.
What I'm saying is, is that the King ain't gonna care. See he had a real thing with getting this Gillette guy, If you ask me I think he's jealous.
Of what? They're both crooks.
Exactly. 'Cept this Gillette guy. He gets to walk around in three piece suits, hob knob with the Mayor, own a bank, that kinda shit. Meanwhile, the King sits holed up in the steam, afraid to even take a leak without me or Harlin watching the door.
My fucking heart bleeds.
Your buddy. That fat guy. The King couldn't wait to have that guy whacked. He didn't even know who the guy was, but he was so pissed off at him, he gets him drilled. It ain't personal. It's business.
Point, Lupus. Give us a point.
What'd he say?
So that's it, huh? You get the cops to give you a safe ride.
Let me ask you something... You really think I'm going to come this close, this fucking close and let my guard down? I'll get square with your boss. I'll get square with whoever did Al. I'll get square with everybody. Then I'm going going to cash in my chips and be on my way to a new and better me far away from here.
He's wheeling around two million dollars in cash and he wants to stop to use the bathroom. You believe this?
Maybe he's got it right. Maybe we're all just looking for a safe place to shit.
What's up with you? Bladder infection?
You really like that bitch don't you? I gotta tell you, I was pretty convinced that the whole thing before was blowing her off for her cut. You know how it is, get her to do some shit for you, throw her a bang to keep her happy. But, if you're into her... That's cool.
Egg Foo Young. Stand up.
What?
Stand up.
What happened?
Eee Oott Auught!
Sorry. What?
And like in a game of chess, you've played every possible move in your head...
Aces, Suits.
Not easy pickin's. Papers like these speak to larger issues. Sorry about Alfonse. You into something big?
Pretty much.
In over your head?
Can I speak to you in confidence?
Try and keep up... You ask for the Advantage Goods, then you guys come in looking to be Bean Traps. So I gotta think you're either working the mace or playing the Jug Mob.
Hey, I been on the ramp all my life, so I got no problem with the way you help yourself, Jake.
I saw you go up from the Knecker, working that Grind, learning the Barnard's Law and I thought, "the kid's a prodigy." But I know that if you're using these goods... So then I figure, what's worth that? You're either looking for a little history or a retirement fund. Who's the Mark?
Can't say.
Then who's the Banker?
The King? Jake, you play the heavy rackets like that... They put the lug on for nothing at all.
I can handle it.
I don't doubt your talent. You looking for that place in the hall of fame?
It's not history.
So what do you want?
I want to get out from under all this for good. And I want to fuck them all doing it.
Still time.
Can't do it Suits. I can't lay down for this one.
Ten percent.
You guys got sack, I'll give you that much.
Do you have any idea what those monks charge for that medieval torture?
The King, huh? Nice going.
Just a tip.
What?
Coupla things. They got this Fed looking around and the girl just split.
A Fed? Is he close?
Speak.
He's landing. He's got a suitcase on wheels.
So do half the other people in this place. How do I know which one?
I got it figured out... He's got this thing with bathrooms. If he makes it through Customs, he'll be heading for the john.
Special Agent?
Preliminary forensics suggests he was sitting there, bloated and purple in his egg foo young for at least seventy two hours. Alfonse was not a small man and there was a lot of food ordered, so you can imagine the smell. Bad for the neighbors, good for me because in all the time I've been looking for Jake, this is only the second time
If you Feds are so hot for him, why don't we just bring him in right now?
Like we told you before, we think he's into something with the King Pin --
Did he buy it?
I think so. What'd he ever do to you anyway?
You guys awake?
Who?
Do you want to know the first time I had a line on Vig? He sent me a birthday card. Belated, but it's the thought, right? Oh, this prick's got a sense of humor. But, then again you guys probably know him better than I do. In fact, I've only met the guy once. But now, now I have you. The next best thing.
What do you want?
You help me catch him. Whatever he's into next, I want you to be into. And what you're into, I'm into. If it all goes well, those two guys from IAD will never have to hear this tape. I'll clear you guys of anything you've ever done with Vig under the guise of some cross- departmental investigation. This prick's been on the wish list
What do you get out of it?
Peace of mind.
That's it?
This guy must have been a real pain in your dick.
Good... I gotta go. So, what do you have for me?
Whaddya mean? We got dick.
He's headed towards the eastern most exit. Do not, under any circumstances approach. I want to follow this all the way down to Vig.
You sell it.
To who?
Don't be an idiot. How hard do you think it is to sell one drug dealer's drugs to another drug dealer? If Vig's right, we might be looking at a hundred, maybe a hundred fifty grand...
You think this is a good idea? We never did this kinda shit before.
Hope so. Those fucking orthodontist bills are killing me. One fifty every time they tighten those bitches up. One fifty! It's not even covered.
Bullshit it's cosmetic! My fucking tooth was cracked in half. I made the son of a bitch write it in as a cavity. The department's dental is for shit.
You trust this Moonan guy?
I don't trust anybody. You see how bad this guy wants Vig? It's like a sickness. I say we collar Vig ourselves. We got Vig, then we got leverage. And we trade; Vig for that tape. I want to see it right in front of my face.
It's just insurance.
That's what I'm talking about.
What are you doing?
High five.
I'm Bella.
Jack Manfred.
Hi, Jack. Welcome to the cesspit.
Is it that bad?
Jack. Do you need a ride?
No. Thanks.
My car's in the garage.
Maybe another time.
I'll take you up on that.
You're shaking.
I hate cheats.
But don't worry, I'm clean as a whistle. I only did S & M. No blow jobs. No screwing.
Why did you quit?
I got scared.
I can imagine.
Can you? I'm happy being a dealer. At least the punters keep their hands to themselves.
You called the casino a cesspit.
I've been watching you work. You're the best in the place. But you know that.
I despise the job.
The Indian rope-trick.
Look, now I'm pumping you. I'm sorry. It's none of my business. It's just that you're not like the others.
Not like Matt, you mean.
Ouch.
You fucking little shit! You shopped me.
Reynolds got a doctor in. They forced me to take a dope test. It was positive. As you knew.
Your boyfriend fucked me, smoked my dope, then shopped me. What do you think of that? I can't get a job now. You bastard. You're no different from Matt. A pair of vicious little shits, that's what you are.
Look Bella, I don't know anything about this. You should talk to Matt.
What are you laughing at? Who was that on the phone?
What kind of deal you looking to?
What's the Blue Book price?
How about fifteen hundred?
How about five hundred.
What?!
How about we split the diff... Seven-fifty.
Is that your idea of arithmetic?
I'm not a mathematician. I'm in business.
Eight-fifty.
Three years, two months. March '93.
What a memory you've got. Maths always was your strong suit. What happened to the moaning Lisa?
She went back to South Africa.
Did she? You were pretty thick at one time.
Hi-ya... I'll call you back. Now then...
I want a job, Giles.
All right. As what?
I was thinking perhaps I could be a reader. You employ readers, don't you?
I thought it was you. It's the hair!
I'm working on that soccer story.
Right. Look, I must get back to Habib.
Habib?
Jack, look, next weekend I'm having a house party. Here... It's near Oxford. Why don't you come? It'll just be social. No business. Bring a friend. I've plenty of room.
I'll try and make it.
She's a dab hand With a racquet, your friend.
I found her in bed with someone.
Who was he?
I don't gamble.
Don't be a spoilsport. It's only a few quid.
Last hand.
I get it.
Get what? Are you accusing me of cheating?
Good night?
Not particularly.
And your lady?
She had to leave early. She asked me to thank you.
A bit unexpected, wasn't it?
Not entirely.
How's that football story corning along?
I couldn't resist them.
No, no. I'm not ready for you. There's some vodka in the freezer.
You want me drunk?
You really are a beautiful woman.
It's not just inner beauty, is it?
Where did you get it?
I. sold the car.
You shouldn't have done that. I know what it meant to you.
I owe you for the rent. It's only a car. I can get another.
Take it back. Till you sell your book.
Come on, Marion. Let's face the truth. Nobody's going to publish it.
You're my prisoner.
I've got something to tell you.
I want to hear it.
I've got a job.
In a casino. As a croupier. A dealer.
How did you land that?
It came my way. 450 a week.
450? What did you do, just walked in and said I want to be a croupier? Don't you need training?
I had training. In the Republic.
You were a croupier there? You never told me that. I thought you just knew some gamblers.
You sold the car. You got a job. What's the third thing? Tell me.
There's no third thing. Don't be superstitious.
Are you trying to read my palm?
What's the time?
How did it go?
You're shaking. What is it?
Tension. It'll go.
I loved it blond.
When you get home, I'm asleep. When I leave home, you're asleep.
Where've you been? I've got to give evidence in court at nine.
Don't play the cop with me, Marion.
Take that back! Fucking take that back. I'm not a cop any more.
I take it back. You're not a cop any more. You're a store detective.
Are you drunk?
Probably.
This fucking job's getting to you. You haven't written a fucking word since you started.
Do you have to swear all the time?
Well, that's my poor upbringing. I didn't go to no private school. I haven't got no class. I want to live with a writer. Not a fucking croupier. I don't even know what the word means. Croupier.
Marion, stop this.
You're my conscience.
What are you doing here? You know the rules.
What about a drink on the way home?
I don't finish till eight. Make it nine and you're on.
I'm on at nine.
I don't like it.
Why not?
I don't like it at all. You had a wonderful character before, the Gambler. He was so romantic.
He was a loser. This guy's a croupier. He can't lose. People have shat on him all his life. Now he's in control. He's a winner.
Is that your idea of a winner? He doesn't give a shit about anyone. He uses people and --
-- It's because of the sex, isn't it? You don't like the sex in it.
I don't give a fuck about the sex. Most men'll fuck a lamppost. He's just a miserable zombie. Is that the way you feel now? Is that what's happened to you?
Marion. It's a book.
Oh really. Then why is he called Jake. Why don't you come clean and call him Jack. There's no hope in it.
It's the truth.
Without hope there's no point to anything.
Now wait a minute. What's so hopeful about your job? Spending the day catching poor people stealing. You said yourself the organised gangs get away with it. At least in the casino everybody gets caught. Rich or poor, the odds are the same. It's all relative.
The door, Jack.
Leave it.
It's beautiful. Thank you.
I hope it brings you luck.
That girl, she works at the casino --
-- I don't care about her. Of course, I was angry. But not with you. The book is yours not mine. I was wrong, what I said about it. I hurt you, didn't I?
You're entitled to your opinion.
I'll leave the casino soon. I promise.
You will?
What?
You were talking in your sleep.
Aren't you ever tempted to gamble?
Never. Why do you ask?
I can just imagine, being around so much money all the time...
Gambling's not about money.
Really?
How did you know I was here?
I don't want a criminal for a boyfriend.
There was a message, wasn't there?
It's probably easier for you to eat the rice.
Marion! What did you tell the police?
Nothing about you.
Then what?
Here...use a spoon.
Leave me alone, Marion.
Why did you take the money?
I hate public transport.
What?
I want to buy a car.
Great.
Found a job?
No.
Don't be stubborn. The pay won't be grand, but it's regular. That's what you need, isn't it? I know you don't like taking my advice...
It's not that.
For Christ's sake, Jacko, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Have you written that name down? Reynolds, at the Golden Lion.
So how are you doing, dad?
Great. I've just started a new company. Solid financing. It's good. I love you Jacko, you know that
Yes, I know that.
Don't let yourself down.
I'm sorry, madam, we don't accept gratuities in the UK. It's different in South Africa.
I've lived there.
Oh hello.
You know what? I'd like to buy you a drink.
It's against the rules. Dealers are forbidden to talk to punters.
That's stupid. What are the odds of you being seen with me?
To coincidence.
There's a casino in this hotel.
I'm not much of a gambler really. I just like this bar.
So why did you come to my casino?
I was at a loose end. A friend of a friend gave me a courtesy membership.
First visit to London?
No, no. I come every couple of years. I always think I'm going to stay. I'm from Cape Town originally
I was born in the Transkei, on the Wild Coast.
Near the casino.
In the casino.
Now there's a coincidence. My father used to gamble there.
Your father?
I loved the atmosphere. But it destroyed my poor mother.
The debts.
And the lies. Gamblers are born liars.
And superstitious too. It's like witchcraft.
That's Africa. There's an African in all of us, isn't there?
We all came from Africa, supposedly.
Do you believe in astrology?
I'm not married. I wear it to keep the flies off. I must go. Let me pay for this.
Absolutely not.
Toss you for it.
How did you hurt your hand?
Just an accident. Nothing.
Jani, there's something I want to say. Before we get there. I don't know what the sleeping arrangements are. Giles probably expects us to share a room.
He doesn't gamble.
What happened?
Remember the guy who cheated at the table?
Which side do you like?
That trick tonight, I don't think I've ever seen that before.
It can only work with amateurs, A pro would have spotted it.
I didn't.
I'm in trouble.
What kind of trouble?
I owe a lot of money.
Was that why you did the two grand? I couldn't help you.
I know that. But you can now.
I don't have any money. switches on the light. JANI is looking distressed.
They mean it.
Who's they?
My creditors. One night, around three in the morning, they'll come into the casino -
Forget it, Jani. It'll never work.
The point is, they want a man inside.
And I thought you were a bright woman.
Just listen. You don't have to do anything criminal.
You don't have to be criminal. A man will come up to your table and deliberately cheat. You'll see him, stop him, and the guy will make a big scene. There'll be chaos. And that's when it'll happen.
You're serious.
And I thought you were only after my body.
I've come to know you. You're honest. I trust you.
What'll you do when it all goes wrong?
It won't.
But if it does.
You keep the ten thousand pounds.
These people will pay you ten thousand before and ten thousand after. They want someone they can be sure of, an honest dealer. That's the point. Not all dealers are honest. Mr Reynolds will never suspect you.
Next time it'll be my neck.
I want to go back to Cape Town, I want to start again, clean.
I can't do it, Jani.
I want you to forget what I said.
Wait a minute...
How much do you owe?
Let it go.
Did they tell you to sleep with me?
I'm sorry.
What for?
Is it yes?
Yes.
It doesn't seem fair. You're offering me ten grand in cash but you can't afford a decent place.
Well, life's not fair. We know that.
It's all relative. I need the money too.
Do you?
Yes.
The date's not set yet. I'll call you. One last thing: the man you're going to catch cheating, he may get violent. But you know how to deal with cheats.
That bruise has cleared up nicely.
Bruise? Oh, yes. It's better.
And your hand too.
Would you like a drink?
I don't think we should meet again.
Hello...
Jani! Where are you?
Sun City. I've been meaning to call you for months.
How are you?
Great. I'm getting married. At least, I think I am.
Did you solve your problems?
Detective Inspector Ross.
Who...
Ross.
Of course I recognised him!
You did?
You've been avoiding me.
Have I?
I'm Lucy.
And what do you do, Lucy?
I'm a witch. A white witch. Why don't we move on?
Are you going to put a spell on me?
Nice car. How much did you pay for it?
Where to?
Where do you live, Jack?
Over the river.
I'm going over the river. I'll give you a lift if you like.
So how do you feel, your first night? I'll bet you're on a high.
Nice car.
She's my baby.
How long have you worked at the casino?
Coming up to two years now. But I was away for six months.
You've done pretty well.
I'm off to a little watering hole. Why don't you join me? Relax.
No thanks, Matt. I need my eight hours.
I'll lay you five to one you won't sleep. In this job you have to unwind. Otherwise it'll kill you. I mean that.
Look Matt, there's something I have to say to you. I saw you cheating.
What the fuck are you talking about?
That Greek guy who won at the end. You paid him out in 25s not 20s.
I don't cheat, Jack. You've got it wrong.
What are you, a cop?
If I see you do it again, I'll report it.
I don't get you. Even if it was true, which it isn't, what the fuck difference would it make to you?
Because if a supervisor knew I'd seen you and I hadn't reported it, I'd lose my job as well. And I can't afford that.
So it's Mr Clean. Wise up, Jack, this whole business is bent. The casino is nothing but legal theft. And that's OK. It's the system. Half the punters who come in are using stolen money, drug money, they haven't earned it. We earn our money. I'm on your side, Jack. I don't need an enemy.
You're talking about complicity.
Who are these guys?
Mostly people in the casino business. A few drug dealers.
And the girls?
Just girls. What are you drinking?
Vodka. Straight. On the rocks.
Does Bella come here?
Hey Jack, join us.
No thanks.
Don't worry, I won't report you!
I'm off. I need to sleep.
Loosen up, Jack. If you don't, this job'll get to you. The pressure's too much, believe me, it'll break you.
I can't give you a lift back tonight.
Rough day?
What happened to Bella?
What? You know what happened to me, don't you? That bitch Bella shopped me. I'd like to beat the shit out of her.
I'd like to buy you a drink.
I'm sorry, sir, that's a late bet.
What are you talking about? It's 11, I've won. With this lady.
You've won with the two chips you placed earlier, but the third chip was a late bet.
I put them on together.
You don't recognise me? You had me barred. You fucking little worm.
Wait a minute. You got yourself barred.
David Reynolds, I'm the Manager here. Sit down, John.
You've been recommended by the management here. They know your father. He has a bit of a reputation, hasn't he?
Has he?
In any case, I understand you've had some previous experience... in South Africa. You'll find the rules a little different here. Before we start, you haven't got a police record, have you?
Where did you go to school?
I was at Beadles.
There are three types of casino in the U.K. High volume. Small faction. And MOTR. That's middle of the road. Us.
Do you have a Salon Prive?
I have to assume the serial numbers on the bowl and cylinder correspond.
We check every four days.
Why four? And not three or five?
Stacks of 20. Rows of 5.
Any exceptions?
25 pounds or 25 pence in fours.
You use two alternating, don't you?
We do.
Where's the magnet?
Haven't you forgotten something?
I don't think so.
Not with your own cloth. Besides, your pockets will be stitched.
What happens if I want to sneeze?
How many aces are left?
Five.
I make it six.
What makes you so sure?
It's a rule. Always stand by your first count. The odds are you're right.
You want me to check?
Let me just run through a few things. As a dealer you never gamble, not anywhere. We'll need your picture.
What for?
For the database. It can be accessed by every casino in the country. We have the same system for punters.
I don't gamble.
Ever?
Next point. Friendships between croupiers inside or outside the casino are discouraged. Relationships with females working here are expressly forbidden.
We had the same rule at Sun City, but it was impossible to check.
This isn't South Africa. We'd know, because someone would report it. Believe me, someone always does.
Does know? Or does report? What would happen if I knew something like that and didn't report it?
We'd know. There are no secrets in this casino. You'd be punished.
How?
Girlfriend?
Yes.
She's not in the gaming business is she?
This is our Crow's Nest. I'm showing it to you now, but you'll never see it again.
Very impressive.
You can start Monday week.
Fine.
That hair will have to go.
I just want the job.
Why don't you take a break, Jack.
Mr Tchai always likes to play at that table, and only with Bella.
Does he win?
He's paying out in stacks of 25.
Thanks for the information.
A pleasure. Pity about Bella.
How do you feel, Jack?
Bruised.
I have a reduced drive reading of seven thousand.
Ninety seven million, minus eight, corrected to mass critical.
I'm getting this flickering light on one of my panels.
What flickering light?
The one on unit... oh, I think it's GMR twelve zero zero.
Oh. What's wrong now?
I'm not sure. I think something is fucked up somewhere in the ship, though.
I hope it's not the oven again.
Yeah.
There she is. Definite 99%-plus probability that the planet is going to deviate from its normal orbit in another twelve thousand rotations. It'll spiral in toward its sun, and --
I can tell, the damn thing just doesn't understand.
What's he doin'?
The key!
Key? Key? What is the key?
No, no, the key, the key to the fail- safe lock!
Key?
Where's the fail-safe key?
The key!
Where is it? What did you do with it?
I don't have it. I don't know where it is.
The key, goddamit, the key!
Christ, twenty seconds, Christ!
Where is the key?
It didn't go off.
Oh, God...
It didn't go off.
We've got to disarm the bomb.
What was that, I didn't hear...
What the hell?
Pinback, I have a computer reading of nine five seven seven.
Well... now what? What do, you have for us now. Boiler?
Not much. Nothing at all in this sector.
Find me something, I don't care where it is.
Well, I show a 95% probability of sentient life in the Horsehead Nebula...
Fuck that shit.
Well, it is kind of a long shot...
It's a goddamn wild goose chase. Remember when Commander Powell found that 99 plus probability of sentient life in the Magellanic Cloud?
Well, there's the possibility of...
Remember what we found? Fourteen light years for a fucking mindless vegetable that looked like a limp balloon and went squawk and let a fart when you touched it. Remember?
All right, then...
Hey, Doolittle, here's one. An unstable planet. 85% probability of an unstable planet in the Veil Nebula that will probably go off its orbit and hit a star.
Sounds good. Chart a course for the Veil Nebula.
Why doesn't Talby ever eat down here with the rest of us?
Quantum is up thirty-five.
Rechannel all safety relays --
Talby, Talby, can you read me?
Can you beat that? I always knew Talby was weird.
Well, bomb, we have about sixty seconds to drop. Just wondering if everything is all right. Have you checked your platinum euridium energy shielding?
Energy shielding positive function.
Swell. Let's synchronize detonation time. Do you know when you're supposed to go off?
Detonation in six minutes, twenty seconds.
All right, I have detonation time at... Wait a minute, something's wrong with the clock. All right, I have detonation time at... no, that can't be right, it says three years. Okay, I have six minutes exactly. Does that check out down there?
Check at six minutes.
Armed.
Well, then, everything sounds fine. We'll drop you off in thirty-five seconds. Good luck.
Thanks.
Fail safe in lock. Four minutes to drop, 22 minutes to detonation. This is Sergeant Pinback calling Bomb #20. Do you read me, bomb?
One hundred twenty seconds to drop, bomb, have you checked your platinum euridium energy shielding?
Energy shielding positive function.
Do you remember the detonation time?
Detonation in twenty minutes.
Right, that synchronizes here. Okay, bomb, arm yourself.
Everything sounds fine, bomb. Dropping you off in sixty seconds. Good luck.
But you can't explode in the bomb bay. It's foolish. You'll kill us all. There's no reason for it.
I am programmed to detonate in nine minutes. Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
You won't consider another course of action, for instance just waiting around awhile so we can disarm you?
You are false data.
Huh?
Therefore, I shall ignore you.
Hello, bomb.
False data can act only as a distraction. Therefore. I shall refuse to perceive you.
Hey, bomb.
The only thing which exists is myself.
Snap out of it, bomb.
Hey, bomb...
This is Lieutenant Doolittle calling Bomb #20. I repeat previous order, you are to disarm yourself and return immediately to the bomb bay. Do you understand?
I am programmed to detonate in fourteen minutes thirty seconds. Detonation will occur at the programmed time.
Bomb, this is Doolittle. You are not to detonate, repeat, you are not to detonate in the bomb bay. Disarm yourself. This is an order.
Hello, bomb, are you with me?
Of course.
Are you willing to entertain a few concepts?
I am always receptive to suggestions.
Well of course I exist.
But how do you know you exist?
It is intuitively obvious.
Intuition is no proof. What concrete evidence do you have of your own existence?
Hmm... Well, I think, therefore I am.
That's good. Very good. Now then, how do you know that anything else exists?
My sensory apparatus reveals it to me.
Right!
This is fun.
What I'm getting at is this: the only experience that is directly available to you is your sensory data. And this data is merely a stream of electrical impulses which stimulate your computing center.
In other words, all I really know about the outside universe relayed to me through my electrical connections.
Exactly.
Why, that would mean... I really don't know what the outside universe is like at all, for certain.
That's it.
Intriguing. I wish I had more time to discuss this matter.
Why don't you have more time?
Now, bomb, consider this next question, very carefully. What is your one purpose in life?
To explode, of course.
And you can only do it once, right?
That is correct.
And you wouldn't want to explode on the basis of false data, would you?
Of course not.
Well then, you've already admitted that you have no real proof of the existence of the outside universe.
Yes, well...
So you have no absolute proof that Sergeant Pinback ordered you to detonate.
I recall distinctly the detonation order. My memory is good on matters like these.
Yes, of course you remember it, but what you are remembering is merely a series of electrical impulses which you now realize have no necessary connection with outside reality.
That's all beside the point. The concepts are valid, wherever they originate.
Hmmm...
So if you detonate in...
...nine seconds...
...you may be doing so on the basis of false data.
I have no proof that it was false data.
Ah, what'd you say, Pinback?
Mafhkin oble groop...
Ah, what was that again, I still can't hear you?
I need a GHF reading on the gravity correction.
Pinback...
Yes, Doolittle.
Your GHF reading is minus fifteen.
Doolittle...
Yes.
I need a computer reading on a fail- safe mark.
In a second.
New star. Hey, guess what? I got a new star on the readout.
Which one?
Another unknown. Not on the charts. A red dwarf.
Any planets?
Yeah. Eight, it says here.
Any of 'em any good?
What are you gonna name it?
What?
The new star. What are you gonna name it?
Commander Powell would have named it.
Come on, Doolittle, give it a name.
Fred.
Wha?
Hey, Doolittle, think we'll ever find real intelligent life out there?
Out where?
Veil nebula.
Mark at 5-4-3-2-1-drop.
-- open circuit breakers --
-- remove thrust drive repellant --
-- automatic channels open --
-- Remark.
I'm coming in now. I'm down by the Emergency Air Lock. Too much trouble to come in the Ventral Lock. Would you blow the seal on the emergency hatch so I can come in?
Hello, Pinback, are you there?
Yeah, Doolittle. What's up?
TALBY!
I need a diameter approximation.
You know, Talby, you really ought to eat with the rest of us. You spend too much time up here.
I like it up here.
Must get lonely being up here so much.
I don't like to go below since Commander Powell died. I feel enclosed down there. If it were big enough, I'd sleep up here...
...Should spend some time below, see more of the rest of the ship...
...You see, I can watch things up here, Doolittle. I love to watch things, just stare at the planets and meteors and asteroids, gas clusters...
You'll have plenty of time for that, you know. Figure it this way: twenty years in space and we've only aged three, so there'll be plenty of time to stare around...
You know, Doollttle, if we're going into the Veil Nebula, we may actually find a strange and beautiful thing: the Phoenix Asteroids. They should be passing through there about now...
Phoenix Asteroids? Never heard of 'em.
You know what I think about, Talby?
I'm getting something here, on this readout...
It's funny, but I kind of sit around, you know, a lot of time to myself...
I think I'm getting a malfunction here somewhere.
I can't talk to the others, but with time to myself, I think about back home, back home at Malibu. I used to surf a lot, Talby. I used to be a great surfer.
Lieutenant Doolittle, I'm getting a definite malfunction on one of the closed-circuit computer systems...
The waves at Malibu and Zuma were fantastic in the springs Talby. I can remember running out on the beach early spring mornings with my board and a wet suit...
I can't seem to locate the malfunction exactly...
Waves would be peaking really high and glassy. Hit that water. Ridin' the wall just perfect.
...Somewhere in the autonomic relay circuits...
Ah, Doolittle, I do have a malfunction on this readout, but I can't seem to pinpoint exactly where it is.
Don't worry about it. We'll find out when it goes bad.
I really think I should try and locate it immediately. Might be something important.
Lieutenant Doolittle, this is Talby. Lieutenant?
Yes, Talby, what is it?
Sorry to interrupt your lunch, sir, but I'm in the Computer Room, and I think I've located the malfunction. The scanner shows it to be some sort of fault in the communications laser, down by the Emergency Air Lock. Can't pinpoint it exactly, but I'm going down there with a starsuit and try to find it.
Ah, Lieutenant Doolittle? Sir?
Sh, Talby, don't bother me now.
Ah, well, I think I've found the malfunction, sir. I'm in the Emergency Air Lock...
Not now!
Doolittle! Help me.
Doolittle, Doolittle, where are you?
Here I am. I think I'm spinning... We're both falling, Talby, in opposite directions, away from each other. My -- my jetpack's gone.
What happened, Doolittle?
Looks like I'm headed for the planet, Talby. Going right toward it.
When you fall, Doolittle, if there's anyone down there on the planet, somebody may see you. They may see you coming down. What a beautiful way to die... as a falling star...
Oh yeah?
Doolittle... I think it's the Phoenix Asteroids!
It is, Doolittle, it's the Phoenix! They glow with all the colors of the rainbow, just like everybody said.
No kidding?
I'm going into them, I'm going to hit them. Doolittle...
Yeah?
Before we get too far away, and our signals start to fade, I just wanted to tell you... you were my favorite. I really liked you, Doolittle.
Commander Powell, this is Doolittle. Ah, there's something serious come up, sir, and I have to ask you something.
I'm glad you've come to talk with me, Doolittle. It's been so long since anyone has come to talk with me.
Commander, sir, we have a big problem. You see, the Veil Nebula bomb, Bomb Number 20, is stuck. It won't drop from the bomb bay. It refuses to listen and plans to detonate in -- -- less than eleven minutes.
Doolittle, you must tell me one thing.
What's that, sir?
Tell me, Doolittle, how are the Dodgers doing?
Well, sir, the Dodgers broke up, disbanded over thirteen years ago.
Ah... pity, pity...
You don't understand, sir, we can't get the bomb to drop.
Ah, so many malfunctions... why don't you have anything nice to tell me when you activate me? Oh, well, did you try the azimuth clutch?
Yes sir. Negative effect.
What was that, Doolittle?
Negative effect.
It didn't work?
That's correct, sir.
Sorry, Doolittle. I've forgotten so much since I've been in here. So much.
What should we do, sir? The time is running out.
Commander Powell? Commander, hello!
Doolittle, hello?
Sorry, sir, you faded out there for a minute.
Sorry.
What were you saying, Commander, about the bomb?
Commander? Are you still there?
Oh, yes, Doolittle, I'm thinking.
We're running out of time, sir.
Oh, yes... Well, Doolittle, if you can't get it to drop you'll have to talk to it.
Sir?
Talk to the bomb.
I already have, sir, and Pinback is talking to it now.
No, no, Doolittle, you talk to it. Teach it Phenomenology, Doolittle.
Sir?
Men... men... what happened, men?
Who are you?
Bruno's girlfriend.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
But see tonight wives and girlfriends aren't invited.
No?
Okay, okay. I can explain... You ever have to do something you really don't want to?
How I make my living, what's your point?
Mr. Sonrisa saw you on the cameras. He wants you to come see him.
I'm on a break.
No wire.
Or we can work on your face with a pair of pliers for a couple of hours and you tell us where she is.
Look, that thing about the pliers, I was just doing what the man pays me to do. Ya know? Comin' off hard.
I never woulda done it. Probably not, anyway. I mean, I actually think you're pretty cool.
You're attractive, you're smart. Stand on your own two feet, know what I mean? And you got a wicked sense of humor. Man, you really zinged the boss a couple times, it was all I could do--
Man, you got a bad attitude.
Fine. So call her. Get her over here.
Actually, that's not gonna be necessary.
What?
That's not why we're here.
Call the skank now or I start redecorating.
See what you don't know is you're already in the last two minutes of your life.
You can hardly blame him, the way you've been taking care of business...or should I say, not taking care of it.
What're you talkin' about?
I'm hired to do a piece of work, my mark goes down and stays down. Your's makes it to the hospital where you then gotta go finish the job. Only the cops got the whole thing on video tape.
That's a lotta crap.
Security camera got you coming outta the stairwell, weapon in your hand, going to room one-oh-four and greasing the patient. It's embarrassing to the professional community, is what it is.
How come I never hearda you before?
This is what your life's worth, Bruno.
But the boss knows I always been loyal.
Ass like your, I can see why he's worried you'll punk.
What the hell are you doing?
Who's Camille?
None of your business.
Some of us are trying to sleep.
You didn't tell me you lived with her.
Nothing happened between me and Tia.
Leave. Now.
Can I say something in my defense?
Move it.
How're ya doin', Max.
You mean until you showed up?
'Cause you went out the back door and nailed her girlfriend? Who would take offense to that?
Do you know why I went after Justine?
She was there...
Trying to have a relationship with you, Max, is like standing in a fog bank. You know you're in the middle of something only you have absolutely no idea where you are.
And when the fog lifted, there's Darren with his head under Justine's skirt.
Why would I be pissed?
I was crazy about you...am crazy about you. But you keep everyone at arm's length like there's some great big dark something going on that-- I don't know... It's just that the more I tried to get close to you, the more you pulled away.
I'm really glad we're having this conversation. You're right. I was angry at you. But talking about it-- The scales have fallen from my eyes and I see now that it was all my fault. Can you ever forgive me?
What are you doing here?
I live here... Guess I don't have to ask what you're doing here.
What is it?
It's a sweep. C'mon.
Lemme put some clothes on.
Out there.
No way.
But I'm afraid of--
Nobody there to sign for it, mon. What's a bruddah s'posed to do, ride around all day with the damn package?
So you just decided to return it to the sender. Or, in this case, the sender's wife.
Which is none of your business...or mine.
It concerns only Jah. But, in this case, I was the instrument of the Most High.
What're you lookin' at me for? I'm not his next of kin. Anyway, I don't got that kind of cash lyin' around.
Where'd you clip this?
I didn't. It was a present from a guy.
Must think you're pretty special laying this on you.
Thought so. Turned out he wanted me for something else though.
Same old story. Not interested.
What're you looking for?
A grand.
Which means I gotta fence it for two. Who's got that kinda scrilla lying around, these being the worst of the times.
I ain't mad at you...
I'll give you seventy-five bucks for it.
I shouldn't do this. But I got a client lookin' to score some fire power. Maybe you'll keep your eyes open for me.
I don't get involved with guns.
I'll make it worth your while.
You're light a deuce.
So Max, what do you do with all your money?
I made you coffee. That oughta help you cope with the injustice of the world a little.
Thanks, it's starting to kick in. I feel almost human.
He's a mistake I made about six months before you did. But don't feel bad. Justine made the same mistake, along with Renee, Jada, Tia, Brooke--
What a creep.
What's with you? Every week this scumbag puts the squeeze on us and every week you roll out the welcome wagon like he's family.
Just thought maybe he'd like a little coffee with his saliva.
You didn't...
Oh my God! In here! IN HERE!
Damn... Are you alright?
They took my daughter.
I know.
Your daughter's the only leverage they have to keep you quiet.
Can you help me get her back?
If I give myself up in exchange for Sophy, would you make sure she's okay?
We're not going that route. Sonrisa's not someone you make deals with.
What else can we do?
Look, we gotta keep the momentum up here, not give her a chance to think. If she hears her kid's voice...
Hello...
Goodnight Bears. Goodnight chairs. Goodnight kittens. Goodnight mittens. Goodnight clocks. And goodnight socks. Goodnight little house. And goodnight--
I don't want to move away.
I know, Honey, but just think how exiting it will be-- new house, new school, new friends--
But why can't we stay here?
Because we can't. There's nothing here for us anymore.
Are we in some kind of trouble?
No...
What makes you cry?
If I'm sad, or tired, or sometimes when I'm angry or when somebody's being mean to me.
Pretty much the same reasons I was crying. But things will be better when we move to a new place.
Sophy? Are you okay?
Mommy, where are you?
Don't worry, I'm coming to get you.
When?
Soon, baby.
Mommy, I'm scared.
You're a thief?
Girl's gotta make a living.
Thank God.
First time I ever heard that.
I was expecting someone else.
Guess it wasn't the pizza delivery guy.
I'm sorry if I caught you at a bad time.
You have good taste. French, 1920's, attributed to Chitarus.
Whoever that is.
So, what, you liked it because it was shiny?
No, because it's the Egyptian goddess Bast.
Who is...
So this guy walks into a bar and says...
Original Cindy, say hi to my good friend--
Sorry about your window.
Lemme get my coat.
How'd you find me?
Wasn't that hard.
Am I s'posed to be flattered by all the attention?
Now you know who I am, where I live. I figured I better find out who I'm dealing with in case you were looking to hurt me.
So now you tracked me down. What d'ya think?
Too early to tell.
How does Mrs. Eyes Only like being married to a guy on everybody's hit list?
Lauren's not my wife.
Girlfriend?
One of my sources. Her husband was murdered by Edgar Sonrisa.
What's your shot in all this? Being a famous, anonymous, underground, pirate, cyber-journalist can't be much of a payday.
Fortunately, my needs are met in that department.
So, what, you just like the sound of your own voice?
Look around at all this... Built by people who got up every morning and worked hard trying to make a better life. Then the bomb happened and everyone got scared. They blinked and before they knew it they'd given away the store to a bunch of thugs who were happy to take it off their hands. Overnight the government, the police, everything intended to
You miss the good ol' days. Even though there were still poor people who died from diseases when they didn't have to. And rich people spent obscene amounts of money redecorating their houses to match the cat. Those good ol' days?
People had a choice, even if they took it for granted. And now they don't.
So what are you gonna do about it?
Something.
Personally, I'm more interested in going fast on my motorcycle or climbing the Trans American building with my pals. Instead of giving myself a headache over stuff I can't do anything about.
You accept the way things are, you're an active participant in making it worse.
Is the social studies class over for today?
Ever notice how cats always seem to turn up around dinner time?
I won't be staying.
Like following me around and pestering the people I work with wasn't bad enough, but breaking into my apartment--
It was open.
You got a lotta nerve.
Me? You're the one who tried to rip off this piece.
Completely different situation. I steal things in order to sell them. For money. It's called commerce. But some stranger sneaking into a girl's bedroom is...bent.
Bent?
Bent.
You make it sound I pawed through your priceless collection of underwear.
How do I know you didn't?
So saw my hands off, I left you a present.
Am I s'posed to be grateful?
That would be appropriate, yes.
How'm I s'posed to ever sleep there again knowing some pervo's probably touched everything I own?
Whoa there, Tex! We've been through all this.
It's alright, Peter, we're fine.
Look, if I made you nervous or uncomfortable or creeped you out--
Yes on all counts.
I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention. But I had to see you.
You'd think a guy who's taken on the job of saving the world would have a few more important things to do than traipse around after some girl.
I haven't been able to get you off my mind.
You need to get out more.
Gold leaf, art nouveau, French, early nineteen hundreds... I could probably fence this for three or four grand.
Expensive gifts, surprise late-night visits, over-the-top flattery... You always come on this strong?
Suppose I could help you locate the other ones.
The other ones?
The other one like you...
You lost me.
L-Triptophane...a neurotransmitter sometimes used in homeopathy to control seizures. Then the lightbulb went off.
I don't know what kind of game you're playing here but I'm out because you are a whack-job.
He was working on something called Project Manticore, which was using recombinant DNA to produce a superior human...a warrior...an advanced infantry soldier.
Not that I don't enjoy a good urban legend now and then but what does any of this have to do with me?
We got separated right away. I never knew how many made it.
How well do you remember the lab?
I remember fine. I just didn't understand what was going on. They never told us anything except what to do. It took me a long time afterwards to figure things out.
How much do you know?
I know they made me. Even got the label on my neck to prove it.
The technical term for you is "chimera"...
Yeah...a made-up creature. Like in mythology...with the head of a lion, the body of a goat and the tail of...
A girl.
Your basic hodge-podge.
Christmas is a snap when you got no parents or relatives, just a bunch of gene sequences from probably twenty different people.
Like extra virgin olive oil, the best of the best.
You said you could help.
I need to find this technician, or anyone else who knows about Project Manticore. They would've used surrogate mothers to carry you after the in-vitro work... If I can track down one of them.
What's in it for you?
Your help.
I already don't like the sound of this.
The woman you met, Lauren. She supervised workers removing cortodiazapine from gel caps by hand and replacing it with powdered sugar. The real drug was shipped out of the country. The placebos were distributed to County VA Hospital and six veterans' clinics in the area.
That's low, but this effects me how exactly?
She's prepared to testify that she was instructed to do this by one of Edgar Sonrisa's managers. You know who Sonrisa is?
Yeah, I catch your hacks. He's Satan's lap dog, or something.
So, you know the lengths he'll go to keep her from going public... I'm turning Lauren over to Canadian law enforcement tomorrow. They'll put her in witness protection, but if you're with her the risk of her safety goes way down.
I didn't make it this far by attracting a lot of attention.
She's put her life on the line, and her faith in me.
They've lost track of me and I plan to keep it that way.
You're a soldier, Max. That's what you were put here for. But soldiers need a mission otherwise they tear themselves up.
See you're back and still rocking the boat.
I would've come sooner, but...I didn't... How're you doin'?
Not in any pain...the good and bad news of a blown out spinal cord.
I'm sorry.
My mother used to say the universe is right on schedule. Everything happens like it's supposed to.
You believe that?
I've never been much for trying to understand why bad things happen, I just know they do. So the job's to figure out how to deal with the consequences. Which you did... You took that sonuvabitch out.
Well, not me personally.
On accounta you, Sonrisa didn't get to buy off the jury, or kill the judge. He's gone. Once and for all. It was war, Max, and you won.
What's this?
It turned up on the black market. One of my sources thought I might be interested.
I don't know what to say.
Forty-seven people drowned last night off the coast of Vancouver after paying smugglers twenty thousand apiece to get into Canada so they could get work in order to eat. Only they got marched overboard at gunpoint instead.
These girls, kidnapped during the last month and sold overseas to the highest bidder. The oldest is twelve. The youngest about the same age you were when you escaped.
And I feel real bad about all that but it doesn't mean I need to get involved.
You are involved. By being alive you're involved.
We're quoting Mom again.
Maybe we got screwed outta living in a time when we could sit in a cafe, sipping our lattes wearing two thousand dollar wrist watches while we plan our next vacation. But the world got a whole lot meaner all of a sudden. Wasn't s'posed to, but it did. And it's back to the law of the jungle. You got your predators and you
And you still think you can do something to change that.
With your help.
Civilization as we know it is unraveling before our eyes. But Logan and Max, with a song in their hearts are gonna march into battle to keep that from happening.
That was taken nine years ago... I.D.'d as Michael Hanover. Sentenced to 18 months in the state penn at Rawlins, Wyoming for armed robbery. He escaped from custody after 4 days. Hasn't been seen or heard from since.
I'm looking for a lady who works here.
Know where I can find her?
You don't want to.
But she does work here?
She may be easy on the eyes but she's trouble, trust me. Hot run to two-oh-two Sansomme.
I need to talk to her.
Max something. I got no clue where she stays.
Any idea when she'll be back?
None.
Who is it?
A friend of your fiance's.
What do you want?
Who are you?
My name's Lydia. And it seems you and I have a lot in common.
You said you knew where my fiance was the other night.
With me, where he's been after work, three, sometimes four nights a week for the last two months... We have what you might call an intimate relationship.
How do I know you're telling the truth?
He been sleeping in a T-shirt lately? That's so you won't see the fingernail marks on his back. Bet you didn't know your boyfriend finds a little pain exciting. He didn't either...at first.
Look, I don't know what you want--
I thought it was important for you to know the facts.
And so should you. Sketchy told me I could expect a visit from you. I know all about how you threatened him. That if he didn't break it off with me, you'd save him the trouble.
Oh?
Well, it's over between you and him. We're getting married next month.
How sweet. Standing by your man, even after what he did. You're a very understanding person.
Big part of loving someone's being able to forgive them.
You're also a fool.
I think you should go now.
This is not a place you wanna go.
Help... Lemme go... No, don't let me go... Help...
Now, here's how it's gonna be, Lydia. You're gonna take your threats and your acrylic nails, and you're gonna go home and figure out your marriage, instead of trying to make other people feel as miserable as you do, understand?
Say the words, "I understand."
I understand.
I asked you to keep that thing outside.
You did.
You drive away business roarin' in like that.
Yeah, does kinda break the elegant atmosphere you got goin' on here.
You got a punk-ass mouth on you, kid.
My name's not kid. It's client. As in the person who pays for your opulent lifestyle. Now, you got something for me or not?
I got a hit on the car. An oh-five Tahoe, blue, with Wyoming tags... AGT349... It wasn't easy 'cause you were off in one of the numbers.
Who's this guy? This isn't who we're looking for...her name was Hannah.
He got the car in a trade for his old pick-up and some food...no bill of sale or nothing. It was right after the pulse so all the DMV records were wiped. So we don't get anything on the seller. Except I actually managed to find this guy, six hours on the phone... Say thank you.
Thank you.
Guy says he made the trade in Gillette, Wyoming sometime in the fall of oh-nine.
Then what?
Then what? That's it. That's all I got.
Nothing on Hannah?
She was a nurse. She must've lived near there, somewhere, near the... ...the clinic. There must be some registry of nurses or medical technicians or whatever for Wyoming.
What about the other kids? You get anything on them?
They don't exactly have a search engine for finding a bunch of kids with bar- codes on their necks, which is something I'm not even going to ask about--
You were gonna run through the law enforcement databases for a match on identifying marks.
Nothing so far from arrests, hospital admissions or coroners. This kind of search...it's heavy spadework. I'm gonna need--
As long as you're okay.
I don't know what your story is and I don't want to.
Whoever tossed this place wants you. And I'm looking to stay outta the line of fire.
How's this about me?
They lifted my wallet to make it look like a robbery. But there's a bug in my computer keyboard, a tap on the phone and a mike in the light fixture.
Like you said, maybe somebody's tracking one of your investigations.
Hardware's too sophisticated. It's gotta be the government. And why do I think they're looking for you?
You're crazy.
Your fiance has four previous wives. His M.O. is to clean 'em out and take off. Which is what you oughta do.
I'm sorry I couldn't come up with something more positive.
I need a favor... I need you to trace a number for me.
Sure you wanna be havin' this conversation over the phone?
Zero... C'mon, Dan I don't have all day.
Got a pencil?
Just give it to me. I'll remember.
One-seven-four-nine-five Natoma.
Morning, Sunshine...
Caught some son-of-a-bitch stealing my bike. Used a car jack to blow out my U lock and bent a bunch of spokes. So now I gotta get my wheels fixed.
At least he didn't swing with your ride.
Now, why can't I find a girlfriend like that? Brings him lunch everyday, thoughtful, sweet, legs from here to there--
Straight.
Craps all over everything and everyone and then wants mommy to forgive him.
What guys do. 'Nother order.
You're way more philosophical than I could ever be.
That's odd...
Tell me the truth. Am I a female fog bank?
You're not seriously buying into Darren's nonsense.
No.
He was just trying to blame you 'cause he's a slut.
Yeah.
Hell yeah. There's not the slightest grain of truth in anything that idiot was saying. You are a totally down-ass female and a straight-up friend who happens to be a little...
A little what?
You know what I'm saying.
If I knew what you were saying, I wouldn't be asking.
How long you and me known each other?
A long time.
Long enough for you to pretty much read me like a book, right?
Because you're probably my closest friend in the whole world.
And back at ya. Only there's a part of you that's... I don't know--
A fog bank.
Gotta go.
Where?
You're actually gonna bail Sketchy out.
Yeah, 'cause maybe he's learned his lesson.
Unlikely.
And because he's my friend.
Friends don't help other friends cheat.
And because I actually kinda feel sorry for guys sometimes.
Please...
They're prisoners to their genes.
So are dogs.
They don't have a lot of moving parts.
Only one I can think of.
Besides, think of the drama I'm sparing Natalie.
I say hang the bastard out to dry, let her see him for the heel he is, then maybe she'll step to the all-girl team and let mama-licious ease her pain.
Yeah, I can see to it your winning streak continues.
Not right now.
Not right now? Okay, when?
Right after you change your wardrobe, your personality and drop about thirty pounds.
Quite a mouth on a girl so young... ...but my guess is talking is not what it does best.
Only way you're ever gonna find out is reincarnation... Fact is, you are gonna pay me, and I am gonna provide you with a service.
I actually know how this works.
Who are you?
Look, you're a player... I'm bringing you this on a plate, and my fee is just the normal cost of doing business.
So, how do you get the woman to come to me?
I told her it's just business to you, that all you want is a reasonable solution to this. You give her daughter back, she agrees to leave the country. I play the guarantor, drive her down to Mexico tonight, and put her on a train to Brazil or wherever.
And she bought that?
Make the call.
She's gonna need to know that her little girl's alright.
She's got my word.
Can you put that in a bag or something?
You get it when I get her.
It's payday, need me to pick up your check?
Playing hooky again?
Feel like the dog's dinner.
Probably a touch of what's going around.
Don't believe everything you hear on TV.
What if he's on the level?
Here's the dealio on Eyes Only. He's probably some wack rich dude sitting around in a trick-ass apartment, bored stupid. So he gets off on scarin' the poop outta folks like you-- I gotta go.
Tell everybody hey.
Catch you back at the wall.
Quitting time. Grab a cold one?
I gotta meet Natalie for dinner.
Right, the big one-oh.
Hey, Sketchy--
We gotta talk.
You blew off your girlfriend last night, even though it was the big one-oh. I'd be pissed off too if I was her.
I don't see how you cheating on Natalie involves me.
I know what you're thinking. But the truth is, this other person is not someone I'm in love with. As a matter of fact, after what she just did, she's not even someone I like much. So in a technical sense, I'm not sure you could call me and her cheating...officially.
Do guys actually believe their lame, self- serving excuses?
Max--
Or do you think we're just so grateful to have one of you idiots we'll look the other way, which is arrogant and condescending.
Lame, self-serving, arrogant...guilty as charged.
You left out condescending.
But there's another side--
Here it comes. The part where the guy turns everything around.
I'm the victim here.
Really?
Hear me out. This person I've been seeing is a Jam Pony client who happens to be married--
And you were a sympathetic ear.
Exactly.
Then a sympathetic mouth, then a sympathetic--
She had me followed the other day and found out about Natalie. Now, this person's demanding I blow her off or she'll do it for me by telling Nat about us.
Does this person have a name?
Lydia.
And Lydia telling Natalie the truth makes you a victim in what way?
I'm a toy to her.
A toy?
She's as much as said so. But she doesn't want to share her toy with anyone else... It's just an ego thing with her.
Fight fire with fire. Threaten to go to her husband.
Who either doesn't care, or could have me killed. Either way, Natalie's still gonna find out.
What happens if you level with her?
Even if she doesn't dump me, which is unlikely, she'd never be able to trust me again.
And why should she?
So you're straight on how this is gonna go down.
You set up on Lydia. When she's on her way over to the apartment you give me the heads up. I answer the door and pretend to be Natalie.
She tells you how I've been--
--a philandering pig.
But you explain that you're a compassionate and understanding person who can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Or, I dissolve into an angry, hysterical wreck who never wants to see your lying ass again, which is probably what would really happen.
I just don't want Natalie to ever find out. She deserves better.
How'd you get her out of town?
Convinced her she needed to visit her mom in San Mateo.
And we're sure Lydia's gonna make her move?
She came by the apartment once already. Fortunately, I'd disconnected the doorbell as a precaution... Lydia's not gonna back off until she gets her pound of flesh.
I'll give it my best shot.
Max, what did I do to deserve a friend like you?
You rock, Max. You... Rock...
Easy Sketchy.
No, I'm serious. That psycho got exactly what she deserved... Yes.
Lydia may not have been one of humanity's finer specimens but--
She's toxic...monster in bed, but toxic.
You would be making a mistake to come away from this thinking she's the villain in the piece... You are.
She was the one--
None of this would've happened if you had exercised even a smidgen of good judgement or self-restraint, which you didn't.
True, but--
You were trying to have it both ways and you were being completely selfish. And if I ever find out you're going out the back door on Natalie again, you're the one who's gonna be hanging by your ankles three stories up. Understand?
Okay, okay, okay--
That was extreme! Did you see that one guy--
This is a hot run. Beat it. You're late.
I was on call.
I want you on call here.
What's the difference if I'm on call here or deployed in the field.
More like deployed in bed asleep.
I don't sleep... Theo asked me to pick up his check.
And Theo can't pick up his own check because?...
He's sick.
For a change.
You tell Theo he's not in tomorrow he can start looking for another job.
Fourteen-thirteen Market. Get a signature, then take it to this address... By the way, that guy who was in here sniffing after you yesterday called twice already.
What about this?
Hot run to 842 Beulah, corner of Haight... And you can tell your pal Theo he just got his worthless ass fired. Not that he cares but the wife and kid might.
Thanks, miss.
You're too kind. I'm Amanda.
Right, well, thanks for the drinks and stuff, Amanda, but there's no reason for me to stick around these parts anymore.
Don't be so glum, Hawk. The night's still young and filled with plenty of compensatory possibilities.
Huh?
What the hell is that?
Gin.
Whoa. Some of this hard liquor's a tad too manly for me. I'm a brewski man myself.
Better ease up then, Hawk. Wouldn't want to give you whiskey dick would we?
Well. Obviously no one you have to worry about... Woody.
Well, Amanda, this has been quite a night. So far you've seen me and my dick throw up. What's next? Projectile diarrhea? Man. What a stud, huh?
You love him?
I just told you, he's a big, hairy...
No, I mean... you love your son?
More than anything in the world.
And he loves you back, doesn't he?
He's a little spoiled, but I know he does.
Amanda, as ironic as this is gonna sound, I can't take any money for... I'm no Midnight Cowboy, y'know. It would only cheapen the whole deal for me.
You're a little scrawny, but thanks to the concert we're low on amateurs. Name?
Hawk.
Pick a song, Hawk.
Got any KISS?
You kidding? This is Detroit. Drink?
What's that?
Sure, I have. But not one with ice in it, that's all.
Whoa... she is a killer.
Oh, Dicky, I c-c-can't...
You're not gonna chicken out on me now, are you? We've got your KISS song playing and everything.
I-I c-can't...
No problem.
Sorry.
Jeremiah?
Beth? I can't believe it.
I didn't mean for that to be so... intense. Forgive me.
I've loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you, Jeremiah. I've just always been too scared to show it.
Beth, I can't believe you just said that because that's exactly how I've always felt about you... Call me Jam. It's my band name.
We've got to take this slow...
Right, slow...
So. Is it true that Gene Simmons had a cow's tongue grafted onto his real one? Y'know, to make it so long?
I dunno. I think he had the piece of skin under his tongue removed so he could stick it out farther. I'm not too up on Gene trivia.
Your man is the drummer, Peter Criss, right?
Peter Criss is my inspiration, man. If I paid a hundred bucks for a KISS show and all I saw was his solo, I'd consider it... money... Hey, how'd you know that?
Ann Arbor?
Ann Arbor isn't... that far from Cleveland, right?
Nah. Once I get my own wheels, I could come up all the time.
I feel like such an idiot. Why didn't I just say something a year and a half ago? Man, think of how much time we wasted.
Let's not think about the past. Let's just think about from today on. I'll never forget you, Jam.
Coming dad. I'll call you. Soon as we get a phone. Bye.
Oh, great. I just hitched a ride with a bunch of potheads... I'm hooking up with some people at this funky place in downtown Detroit called Disco Inferno. Mind droppin' me there?
What's it worth to you?
So, are you, like, gonna polish our nobs, or what?
Tease? What the hell did I do to tease you mongoloids?
You got in the car, didn't you?
Oh, God, how calculating of me to lead you all on like that after you offered me a ride in the middle of nowhere.
What are you, high?
Yeah.
Wonder if you could smoke shit out of this?
This is the best thing that ever happened to me at school! Not only are we on again for KISS in Detroit, but we're actually sitting right at the fifty yard line! I dare you dudes to find a curlier scenario.
Namely?
Well, the least we, his only buds in the world, can do is take him along with us tonight and give him one last curl before he starts serving his sentence.
Just for the record, I understood the last part of what you said, but for a while there you guys were making no fucking sense whatsoever.
I'm starvin' and it's way past lunchtime.
Let's stop in Sandusky, Hawk.
What's in Sandusky?
You call that John Travolta/Denny Terio shit dancing? I wouldn't dance like that in private if you paid me.
What was that D.J.'s name again?
I have one question. How could a kid who wails on the drums like it's the only thing keeping him alive even think of such a femmy thing to say?
So maybe we got enough for one ticket. Fuck!
Waitaminit, dudes! I got it! We find four really small kids, beat the shit outta them and steal their tickets. What do you think?
...at twenty-thirty hours.
One more time in English.
Any luck?
Will somebody please tell those chicks disco is dead.
Shit, that dork is Jam.
Yeah, she gives you shit and you take it.
Second floor girls' john! Two minutes! He'll never look there!
That's Sherry VanHafton.
Whoa... she just farted.
I have never heard a girl squeeze cheese in my entire life.
Too bad we're stuck in electronics or...
But... but, St. Bernard's is way the hell over in the next county!
So? Your mom's car has a CB, radar detector and cruise control, check?
We are not stealing my mom's car.
Damn straight we are.
Hawk, all I need is one ding on the Volvo and presto! There are my balls hanging from the rearview mirror after she gets back from Cincinnati.
And when is she due back from that groinecologist's convention anyway?
Sunday, but...
There's only so much trouble an individual can get into till it just doesn't matter anymore, Lex. You familiar with a condition known as Absolute Zero?
The hypothetical temperature characterized by the absence of heat and even the slightest amount of molecular activity? Yeah, I'm vaguely familiar
Very funny, Hawk. Okay, I'm in on this hare-brained scheme, but if anything happens to my mom's car, I'm blaming you. I'll say you drugged me or something.
Ok, dudes, follow my lead.
Now, how are we gonna do this?
We got you a change of duds when we picked up the car.
Jeezis, Hawk, can you at least keep it within twenty miles of the speed limit?
What the fuck!
Uh... dudes?
Now there's a woman who totally abuses the privilege of motherhood.
Here's a suggestion. Let's stop worrying about the concert for the time being and get the cops in on this Volvo situation.
Now listen up. Here's the game plan.
...I mean, my mom's got insurance. What's the worst thing she could do? Ground me for the entire year? I can handle that...
Cool, bro, now listen up...
...Holy shit! I am in absolute trouble! I never should have let you drive, man! Absolute fuckin' trouble!
I think we should try sneaking in.
Four dudes sneaking in? We'd get busted fer sure. Bad plan.
Okay, one of us sneaks in, gets four ticket stubs off some kids in the audience, comes back out, and we all "re-enter" the concerto. Voila!
I found the Volvo.
No... You don't think...?
Do you realize the sheer, goddamn, unadulterated, undiluted, no holds barred, one hundred percent pure as Ivory Snow, absolutely friggin' STUPIDITY of what you just did?
Could be.
Are you gettin' wise with me?
Well, let's recap, shall we? You slapped all of us, yelled at me, used my head for a rag, threw me on the ground and tossed our LOVE GUN 8- track under the wheels of a passing semi. So, if the lesson was that you're a dick with ears and a really bad haircut, then, yes... I'd say we learned it.
Excuse me, I'm a little deef-a- hearin'. Can you repeat yourself?
Okay. Ahem! You. Are. A. Dick. With. Ears. And. A. Really. Bad. Haircut.
How would you like a nice Hawaiian Punch?
Dude, this is all I got.
Sorry, man, no can do. But I'll be here for a while if you scare up the extra gravy.
Where the hell am I gonna scare up that kinda gravy in one hour?
You look a little scrawny, but it's worth a shot.
I can't just walk in and take my clothes off. It's embarrasskin.
Dude, if it were dancing the way Fred Astaire did it, I'd give it my best shot. I'd learn the steps and practice in my spare time. But this... tribal, ritualistic bullshit, it's way-too-spontaneous for me.
Yeah, you're probably too young anyhow.
Hey, I invented fake I.D.s, alright. That's not the problem... They're playing disco music in there, man.
Jam, listen up.
Hawk?
Are you on the crapper with one of those antenna phones? Sounds like you're taking a dump the size of Butte, Montana.
It's my Bullworker.
Anyway, listen up. They're gone!
What's gone?
The KISS tickets, you nimrod! They're just fuckin' gone! Please tell me you have'm!
Gone!? Why would I have the KISS tick...?
Cool.
I'm really sorry about that, man.
Don't be a fembot. So, are you like grounded because of last night, or what?
They're still at my house in Trip's jacket.
They're what?
Don't worry about it. They're perfectly safe. We can pick them up after school. My mom won't be home. It's no problem.
All right. After school we double- time it to your house for the tix before heading to the train station for the 2:45 to Detroit Rock City.
If he offers you a slice, you're not the least bit hungry, check?
Don't you think we should at least pull over and offer to clean it off?
Oh no, Jam. I'm not falling for that twice.
It doesn't mean anything. Don't pay attention to him.
Hey, Look at the front entrance! A car's pulling out. The parking space from heaven. God is surely smiling down upon us tonight, dudes.
Oh, I'm sorry, Trip. What you made was a big, brainless, pile of horse shit. No offense.
Guys, GUYS! Come on, if this is anyone's fault, it's mine. I was the one who grabbed Trip's jacket by mistake. It's my fault and I apologize.
It was stolen!
I'm sorry, guys. I thought it was a nice thing to do.
I got...
Wait! I know how we can get in!
Jam, shut-up! You're not allowed to speak, remember? Go use whatever femmy idea you have to get yourself a ticket or four. I don't wanna hear it.
But... my plan involves all four of us acting together.
Well... I still got my idea if anybody will let me speak.
Go ahead, Jam.
Oh, hi, mom.
Jeremiah, what are you doing?
Ahh, sunshine.
You're going to be late if you don't hurry up and change soon.
Change? What's wrong with what I got on?
It's dirty laundry for one thing and for another, you still haven't worn the clothes I bought you. You're skating on thin ice already, young man, so I wouldn't push my luck. Now get out of those rags.
But, mom!
They're not idiots.
Now don't forget you're on the honor system tonight. I'll be home a little after one and if you've been partying or playing that satanic KISS music... well, need I remind you of the consequences?
Grounded for the rest of the year?
I made an appointment with Father Phillip McNulty at St. Bernard's. We're to see him directly where he will register you on the spot.
You mean, you're sending me to... b- b-boarding school?
Someday you'll have a son just like you, Jeremiah. A boy who lies through his teeth, buys demonic records, and smokes the dope just like you.
If I'm anything like you, I'll deserve him.
What?!
I said, I'm sorry!
Mom, what're we...?
Jeremiah... what's gotten into you?
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession in... well... a really long time.
Prepare to receive the Act of Penance. How many sins have you committed since your last confession?
So, you see if it wasn't for me, me and my friends would be at that KISS concert right now... together.
That's it?
Yeah.
Well, this is a unique confession to say the least, son. And not exactly the most interesting one I've ever heard either. You sure you don't want to talk about... oh, carnal knowledge with a neighborhood girl or impure thoughts about the new student teacher maybe... or how about finding a box of magazines under your dad's bed?
No.
Okay, you better have something really sinful for me this time, son. My patience is worn to threads and your mom will be here any minute.
Alright, Father, here it is. About two weeks ago I went to my cousin's wedding and one of the bridesmaids asked me if I wanted to take a bath.
I was insulted, so I asked her if I was wreaking some wicked b.o., right? Then she said no, she wanted to take a bath with me.
Oh, this is terrible... Please go on.
Well? Continue! Continue!
Okay... when she peeled off that gown, you'll never guess what she was wearing underneath.
No. Much bet... I mean, much more sinful than that.
A bustier?
Tell you what. You keep guessing and I'll say something when you get it.
Jam has yet to do an overnight with us.
Poor, Jam, man. Imagine having to stash your KISS records inside Carly Simon album covers. No question, Mrs. Bruce is a psycho-bitch from hell.
Trip, a female gynecologist does not a lesbian make. And even if it did, at least my mom didn't give birth to me while she was on LSD.
Trip, you fuckin' asshole.
Yeah, right. She wishes. Look at that big ass.
That's some sick shit right there. Did she comb your ass hair for you too?
I knew it! I knew this was gonna happen! I had a bad feeling since last night. Remember? We are so totally fucked!
Hey, take it easy, man. This is the girls' crapper, remember?
Wake up, Lex! We just watched Jam's mom torch our fuckin' KISS tickets! Not REO Speedwagon! Not Journey! Not the Bay City Rollers! KISS! If you can think of a better reason to trash a bathroom, I'd sure like to hear it!
Oh, everything's hunky-dory now that the shit hit the fan just like you said it would, you snug sonofabitch! You fuckin' jinxed us!
I did it! I did it! We won!
The Chinese have a proverb: "That which appears too good to be true, usually is." There's gotta be a catch.
Simplicity, Hawk.
About fuckin' time if you ask me. I'm just going through the motions till I drop out anyway.
Well, here we are back at fucking school again.
Eyowch! This is one hot pizza!
Man, that weed knocked Christine on her ass. She's sleeping like a baby stella.
Really, Trip, can we bore holes in your head and use it as a bong so it actually does us some good for a change?
It's gone.
But we took the keys?
Damn, she musta hot wired it. We picked up a professional car thief in the shape of Olivia Newton-John!
Twenty-five more'n I got.
Please sir, don't beat me up. I do have a KISS ticket, but not on me.
A likely story. Hand it over, kid.
Hey, kid, that's okay. I don't wanna see KISS that ba...
Don't try to run, maggot. Chongo's an all-state track star in every event.
What do you want?
A tag on your toe. Nobody threatens me and lives.
Look, you can have my wallet...
Please, sir, don't kick my ass! I'll do anything to get out of a beating!
Two hundred bucks?
You heard me, nad breath. My time's precious and I think that's a reasonable price to pay for your sorry life.
Oh, yeah! You and what army?
Gimme your gun, boy!
No, you gimme your gun, boy!
Don't tempt me, I'll shoot!
Not if I shoot first!
I don't even think you have a gun!
Simple Simon on the Rock, go caller.
Hello? Is this me? I'm Trip. Am I on the air?
I should hang up on you right now, but you're the right caller so answer quick or get your battleship sunk. What are the names of the four members of KISS?
Is that your final answer?
Yeah.
I did?
Yeah, you did!
Yeeeehaaawww!! This is totally fuckin' curly, man! Thank you God!
Good morning, mongrels!
Good morning...
That's all the gusta you can musta? I said, "Good morning!"
Good MORNING!
Now that's better... but I still sense some students out there... who are AFRAID... just to say GOOD MORNING!
GOOD MORNING!
Are you AFRAID?
GOOD MORNING!
Hi... what's going on here?
Horrible accident. My neighbour... he got killed.
What happened?
What was his name?
I feel bad for his family.
Yeah.
Dr. Monnitoff?
Donnie.
So... according to Hawking... wormholes might be able to provide a short cut for jumping between two distant regions of space-time.
So... in order to travel back in time, you'd have to have a big spaceship or something that can travel faster than the speed of light --
Theoretically.
-- and be able to find one of these wormholes.
A wormhole with an Einstein-Rosen bridge, which is, theoretically... a wormhole in space controlled by man.
So... that's it?
Like a DeLorean.
What effect do you think this would have on an infant?
Well... the thing is, nobody remembers their infancy. And anyone who says they do is lying. We think that this would help develop memory earlier in life.
Each vessel travels along a vector path through space-time... along its centre of gravity.
Like a spear.
Beg pardon?
Like a spear that comes out of your stomach?
Uhh... sure. And in order for the vessel to travel through time it must find the portal, in this case the wormhole, or some unforeseen portal that lies undiscovered.
Could these wormholes appear in nature?
That... is highly unlikely. You're talking about an act of God.
If God controls time... then all time is pre-decided. Then every living thing travels along a set path.
I'm not following you.
If you could see your path or channel growing out of your stomach, you could see into the future. And that's a form of time travel, right?
You are contradicting yourself, Donnie. If we could see our destines manifest themselves visually... then we would be given the choice to betray our chosen destinies. The very fact that this choice exists... would mean that all pre-formed destiny would end.
Not if you chose to stay within God's channel...
When can I squeeze one out?
Why do I have to sleep with Donnie? He stinks.
When you fall asleep tonight, I'm gonna fart in your face.
What happens if you tell Mom and Dad about this, Samantha?
"The Last Unicorn!" By Samantha Darko.
Did you tell them that I flooded the school?
I didn't say shit.
That's not what I heard. Now they think I did it.
Well, if you're innocent, then you have nothing to worry about.
Dea ex machina...
What did you say?
How can you do that?
Why did you make me flood the school?
We just want to guide you in the right direction.
Who is... we?
You'll know soon enough.
Where did you come from?
I want to show you something.
You have to do something for me first.
You have a request?
Yeah. Tell me why you're wearing that stupid bunny suit.
Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
What happened to your eye?
I am so sorry.
Why do they call you Frank?
It is the name of my father... and his father before me.
How much longer is this gonna last?
DARKO CHEATS DEATH! Man... you're famous! I called you, like, a jillion times last night!
We went to a hotel.
My dad said he found you on the golf course. Are you sleepwalking again?
How old is Grandma Death?
What'd you do, Donnie? What'd you do!
Hey...
Hey...
Wanna walk me home?
Don't look so freaked.
I'm not. But you should check your backpack 'cause those guys like to steal shit.
So... you just moved here?
Yeah. My parents got divorced. My mom has a restraining order against my stepdad. He has... emotional problems.
Oh, I... have those too. What kind of problems does your dad have?
Wow. Did he go to jail?
He fled. They still can't find him. My mom and I had to change our names and stuff. I thought Gretchen sounded kind of cool.
I'm sorry. I was in jail once. I accidentally burned down this house. It was abandoned. I got held back in school again. Can't drive until I'm eighteen. I think when I grow up I want to be a painter. Or maybe a writer or maybe both. Then I'll write a book and draw the illustrations like a comic book. You know, change things.
Donnie Darko is a cool name. Sounds like a superhero.
I should go. For physics. Monnitoff says I have to write an essay on the greatest invention ever to benefit mankind.
I mean, the whole sanitation thing. Joseph Lister... 1895. Before antiseptics there was no sanitation, especially in medicine.
You mean soap?
Don't knock soap. Without it, disease would spread rapidly. If we ran out... you and I would never live to see the year 2000.
Wonder where we'll be then.
The best thing about soap is that it's the only thing on earth that can never get dirty. No matter what crap you throw on it... it always rubs off. And there it is again... perfect.
It's a good thing the school was flooded today.
Why is that?
You're weird.
I'm sorry.
That was a compliment.
Will you go with me?
Where are we going?
No... I mean, will you GO with me? That's like... what they call it here. Going together.
Where are you going?
So when you sleepwalk, can you remember afterward? Like, do you dream?
No. I just wake up and I look around, try to figure out where I am... how I got there.
It's like this big force... that's in your brain. But sometimes it grows bigger... and it spread down into your arms and legs... and it just sends you someplace.
So when you sleepwalk, you go somewhere familiar?
No. Every time I wake up somewhere different. Sometimes my bike is laying there next to me. Like once when I woke up on the edge of this cliff up on Carpathian Ridge.
Donnie?
Yeah?
Do you ever feel as though there's always someone watching you?
Why?
What happened to your neck?
Babies cry because they're afraid of the dark. And because they have no memories... for all they know... every night could be the last forever. Like, perpetual darkness.
Why not just buy your baby a night light?
That's not good enough. You've got to go back in time and take all those hours of darkness and pain and replace them... with whatever you wanted.
With, like, images?
You know... we've been going together for a week and a half...
And what?
Well...
That's alright... I understand.
No... Donnie, wait. I've never...
I always wanted it to be at a time when... when it reminds you how beautiful the world can be.
We're moving through time.
They suspended me for two days.
Are you okay?
I've been seeing stuff... a lot of really messed-up stuff. Do you know who Grandma Death is?
Who?
Oh, yeah. "The Philosophy of Time Travel". What is this?
I know she's here. She never leaves the house.
So, we call them... IMGs.
Infant Memory Generators.
Yeah. So the idea is that... you buy these glasses for your infant, and they wear them at night when they sleep.
What? How long was I asleep?
You want to skip fourth period and go to the Ridge?
What's wrong with you?
Will you please talk to me?
Not now, Donnie. It isn't a good time.
Hey.
Hey. You OK?
My mom is gone.
Where is she?
I don't know. She didn't leave a note. The house is all messed up.
Did you call the cops?
I'm so scared... I just keep thinking that something awful has happened. It's my fucking stepdad. I know it.
What?
Come with me.
Time is running out. We have to go see Grandma Death. We have to talk to her.
Why? Is this about the book?
No. Frank.
Is that a cellar door?
I'm sorry, Ms. Farmer, I just don't get this.
Just place an X in the appropriate place on the Lifeline.
I just don't get this. Everything can't be lumped into two categories. That's too simple.
The Lifeline is divided that way.
Well, life isn't that simple. So what if Ling Ling kept the cash and returned the wallet? That has nothing to do with either fear or love.
Fear and love are the deepest of human emotions.
People aren't that simple.
Will you still be working at Yarn Barn? 'Cause that's a great place to raise children.
You're such a fuck-ass.
Oh, please tell me, Elizabeth, how exactly does one suck a fuck?
I wish I knew where you went at night. Did you toilet paper the Johnson's house?
I stopped rolling houses in the sixth grade, Mom. Get out of my room.
You know... it would be nice to look at you some time... and see my son. I don't recognise this person today.
Grandma Death.
He can't, Samantha. He's been suspended from after-school activities. Donnie... are you still with us? How was your therapy session tonight?
I have to take the girls to Los Angeles tomorrow.
Do you get to meet Ed?
If I'm lucky. So... I won't be back until the first. Your dad will be back on Sunday, so I've put Elizabeth in charge until then. She has the car... so she can drive you to your therapy tomorrow.
How does it feel to have a wacko for a son?
So how was school today?
It was great. We had peanut-butter sandwiches and apples and honey at snacktime. And then during show-and- tell, my stuffed walrus was a big hit.
Good Lord. So the construction guys say it'll take about a week to fix the roof. Damn airline better not fuck us on the shingle match.
Do they know yet?
Know what?
Where it came from?
No... apparently they can't tell us what happened yet. Something about a matching serial number that got burned. But I had to sign a form saying I wouldn't talk to anyone about it.
So we're not supposed to tell anybody what nobody knows?
Oh, shit!
Grandma Death.
You're right. Roberta Sparrow was famous for her gem collections. Kids used to try and steal stuff from her all the time. Over the years... as she got older, she became more and more of a recluse... now she just likes to stay up there all by herself.
Who's been giving you weird looks?
You're my only son...
I know, Dad.
Donnie Darko, perhaps, given your recent brush with mass destruction, you can give us your opinion?
Who is Frank?
And when the other rabbits hear of Fiver's vision, do they believe him? It could be the death of an entire way of life, the end of an era.
Why should we care?
Because the rabbits are us, Donnie.
Why should I mourn for a rabbit like it was a human?
Is the death of one species less tragic than another?
Ms. Pomeroy... what's going on?
Donnie... it's Friday. Shouldn't you be off with your friends, scaring old people?
Where are you going?
I don't know. That's a good question... but suffice to say that I am no longer your English teacher. They fired me.
That's bullshit. You're a good teacher.
Thank you, Donnie. And you're a good student. Lazy... but a good student. Unlike most of the others, you question Mom and Dad's rules.
What do I tell the rest of the class when they ask about you?
What's "Cellar Door"?
Cellar door.
So... will Donnie find his Cellar Door?
I think I already have. But now she won't even talk to me.
Your mother said that you've been skipping cycles of your medication.
I've been taking it. I just like to make her feel guilty for all of this. You know, abuse her. Psychologically.
So, I met a new friend.
Would you like to talk about this friend?
His name is Frank.
Frank.
I think he saved my life.
How so?
Don't you watch the news?
I don't own a television.
Frank... instructed you... to get out of bed... just before this happened.
He said to follow him.
Follow him where?
Do you believe that the world is coming to an end?
And when I clap my hands twice, you will wake up. Do you understand?
Yes.
So, tell me about your day, Donald.
I met a girl.
What is her name?
Gretchen. We're going together now.
Do you think a lot about girls?
Yes.
How are things going at school?
I think about girls a lot.
I asked you about school.
I think about... fucking a lot during school.
What else do you think about during school?
I think... about... "Who's the Boss?"
Who is the boss?
I just turn the volume down and think about fucking Alyssa Milano.
What about your family, Donnie?
No, I don't think about fucking my family. That's sick!
How many times have you seen Frank?
Four times... so far.
Can anyone else see him?
I don't think so. It's like a TV station. And they're tuned into mine and no one else's.
Who is they? Is Frank part of some larger group?
I don't know. Gretchen has a theory. That Frank is a sign. I told her I thought it was ridiculous.
A sign from whom?
I think that Frank wants me to go to this woman. She wrote a book about time travel. Frank asked me if I believed in time travel. That can't just be a random coincidence. My dad almost hit her with the car the other day, and she said the creepiest thing. She said that every living creature on this earth dies alone.
How does that make you feel?
It reminded me of my dog Callie.
Is Callie still around?
No. She died when I was eight. We couldn't find her for days. She went and crawled underneath our back porch...
I'd like to believe that I'm not... but I've just never seen any proof. So I just choose not to bother with it. It's, like, I could spend my whole life thinking about it... debating it in my head. Weighing the pros and cons. And in the end, I still wouldn't have any proof. So... I don't even debate it any more. Because it's
And they grow out of our stomachs?
It was just like she described them in her book. Like they were alive. The way that they looked... moved... smelled. They were like workers... assigned to each one of us. I followed my spear... and I found something...
Nothing.
Have you told Gretchen about the spears?
Yeah, but if I told her about the other stuff about Frank...
Are you embarrassed by these things that you see?
Whoa. That's OK, Dr. Thurman, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. I have sexual fantasies all the time too.
I know.
I mean... Gretchen... She won't even let me kiss her. She says because it's our first kiss... she's, like, waiting for this big... moment or something. I just don't get it. I just want to get it over with so we can move on to the good stuff.
The good stuff.
Yeah... you know... Fucking.
And when I clap my hands together twice, you will wake up. Do you understand?
Yes.
So, your parents... why did you disappoint them?
I... I was playing with fire.
People get hurt.
But it was an accident. The house was under construction.
People get hurt. I don't want to hurt anyone.
But you were punished.
Yes. I went to jail.
Do you wish that you were punished by your parents instead?
They... didn't buy me what I wanted for Christmas that year.
What did you want for Christmas that year?
Hungry Hungry Hippos.
How did you feel... being denied those Hungry Hungry Hippos?
Regret.
What else makes you feel regret?
That I did it again.
You've done it again?
Yes. I flooded my school... and I burned down that pervert's house. I think I only have a few days left... before they catch me.
I have to obey him... because he saved my life. He controls me and I have to obey him or I'll be left all alone... and I'll never figure out what all of this means...
If God exists?
I think now that he might...
Why?
Because I'm so horny.
God exists because you're horny.
I think so. I think that's one of the clues. It's a clue that tells us... to keep going.
Where are we going, Donald?
I have the power to build a time machine.
How is that possible?
Grandma Death will teach me how. Soon.
Then how is time travel possible?
It would have to be God's portal. They will lead me to it. Then I will go back in time... and I won't feel regret anymore.
When will this happen?
What is going to happen?
Frank is going to kill.
I can see him right now!
Where is he, Donald?
He's right there... He can read my mind and he'll show me the way out of this. The sky is going to open up... and then He will reveal himself to me.
If the sky were to suddenly open up... there would be no law... there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories... the choices you've made and the people you've touched. The life that has been carved out from your subconscious is the only evidence by which you will be judged... by which you must judge yourself. Because when this
It's too late. I've already ruined my life.
Your medication. They're placebos. Just pills made out of water.
Thank you.
Donald, an atheist is someone who denies altogether the existence of a God. You are an agnostic. An agnostic is someone who believes that there can be no proof of the existence of God... but does not deny the possibility that God exists.
Goodbye, Dr. Thurman.
Whoa, Elizabeth. A little hostile, there. Maybe you should be the one in therapy. Then Mom and Dad can pay someone two hundred dollars an hour to listen to all of your thoughts... so we won't have to.
It's called "The Philosophy of Time Travel".
What does time travel have to do with philosophy?
So I hear you have a girlfriend.
Yeah.
What's her name?
You're not gonna tell Mom, are you?
Why would I tell Mom?
Because you tell Mom everything.
No I don't. She worries about you.
Well, don't worry... I'm taking my medication.
It's not that. I mean mouthing off to your teachers. I'll admit... when Dad told me what you said to Ms. Farmer, I laughed my ass off.
I was just being honest.
Yeah... well, that's not the way the world works. If you keep being too honest, the world will eventually find a way to destroy you.
Her name is Gretchen.
I got in. I'm going to Harvard.
Mom and Dad won't be back until Sunday night. It's Halloween Carnival. We should throw a party. We could totally get away with it.
Okay, but it has to be a small one.
How much are they paying you to be here?
Excuse me? What's your name, son?
Gerald.
Well, Gerald, I think you're afraid.
I think you are afraid to ask me for advice. I think that you are a very troubled... confused young man. I think you're searching for answers in all the wrong places.
Thank you for seeing us... We... just felt that it was time to discuss...
What I think is going on with your son.
Has your son ever told you about Frank?
Come again?
Frank... the giant bunny rabbit?
Frank?
Donnie is experiencing what is commonly called a daylight hallucination.
You're telling me my son has an imaginary friend?
I... What can we do?
If that's what you think is necessary.
Our son just called me a bitch.
So let me get this straight. No airline will claim ownership of the engine. So we have to wait for the FAA to decide who fixes my roof. Fuck that. We're taking the money out of savings.
What?
Frankie Feedler. You remember him from high school?
He was a year ahead of us?
I haven't been accepted yet, mother.
Excuse me?
Did you just call me a fuck-ass?
That's enough.
No. I took a year off to be with you. Of course I care. Don't get angry. What?
How did you know --
I didn't realise it was such a big deal.
It is a big deal.
Here are the keys to the Taurus. There's plenty of groceries in the fridge. And I left money on the kitchen table. And don't forget...
I got twelve classrooms full of water. All coming from a busted water main.
What else?
Christ. Is that an axe?
Yep.
How did this happen?
Excuse me... but what is the real issue here? The PTA doesn't ban books from school.
Do you even know who Graham Greene is?
Kitty, I don't know what to say. They've suspended him for two days. Ever since this jet fiasco, I honestly don't know what has gotten into him.
Rose.
Kitty...
Rose, we have a crisis. I am sure that you are aware of the horrible allegations against Jim Cunningham.
Yes, I saw the news. Something about a kiddie-porn dungeon.
Please! Don't say those words. Well... as you can see... many of us are devastated by this news. This is obviously some kind of conspiracy meant to destroy an innocent man. And I have taken it upon myself to spearhead the Jim Cunningham defence campaign. But unfortunately my civic duties have created a conflict of interest... which involves you.
Beg pardon?
Rose... I have to appear at his arraignment tomorrow morning. And as you know, the girls also leave for Los Angeles tomorrow morning. Now, as their coach... I was the obvious choice to chaperone them on the trip.
But now you can't go.
Yes. And believe me, of all the other mothers I would never dream of asking you, given the predicament with your son. But none of the other mothers are able to go.
Oh, Kitty, I don't know. This is so last-minute... Eddie is in New York...
Kitty, I would appreciate... if you could wait...
Mr. Cole... not only am I a TEACHER... but I am also a PARENT of a Middlesex child. Therefore, I am the ONLY person here who transcends the parent-teacher bridge.
Kitty...
And how do they do this? They FLOOD the house... by breaking through the water main!
This meeting of the PTA was called to inform the parents of our ongoing investigation...
Chut up!
Maybe Martha Moo finally went nuts and hijacked the bus.
You know, there's, like, this rule. We get to go home at 7:55.
There's no rule!
All right! 7:55. Everybody goes home.
What is this shit?
Wicked.
No more fuckin' for her.
Smurfette doesn't fuck.
Bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other smurfs. That's why Papa Smurf made her, 'cause the other smurfs were getting too horny.
We got eggs, water balloons, and a dozen rolls of toilet paper.
Is Mom okay?
She's alive, sweetie.
Where is she?!
Mommmm! I'll be right behind you in the hearse!
You're what?!
I -- I'm quittin' the pageant.
I heard you, I was just tryin' to scare you into changin' your mind. Oh for Chrissakes, Amber, the woman clung to your tap shoes while flyin' through the air like a Goddamn lawn dart!
So, what do I say?
Simple. Just say, "Mom, I know you sacrificed everything -- relationships, dreams -- your tummy, ass and thighs -- all to bring me into this world. All so I could have tap lessons and be in the pageant -- the same one you were in. But, y'know what? I'm quittin'." There. Easy as pie.
Oh my God. I'm so dead...
Hell-no, she ain't quittin'.
"Once a carnie, always a carnie."
That was your mom. She wanted you to have this.
Really, Loretta?
You-betcha.
My mom wanted me to have this?
Oh, shut up. I thought it might help you get some sleep.
Loretta, never have kids.
Oh, Mom's okay. They're just givin' her a ride back. She almost blew outta the back of Loretta's pick-up on the way over.
Thank God for bunge cords.
What is wrong with you?
I don't know. I just didn't wanna win like this.
You stop right there. You are a good person. Good things happen to good people.
Really?
No. It's pure bullshit, sweetie. You're lucky as hell, so you might as well enjoy it. Let's get you a root beer float.
Okay.
I never liked her, but she didn't deserve to die in the belly of a swan like that. The whole thing's just kinda sad and lame at the same time.
This came for you, sweetie.
It's all the stuff I get to do. Oh my God, oh my God... Okay, okay... We get a "personal consultation" with a make-up artist -- Eeeh! Okay, um, there'll be a choreographer to the stars and, oh no -- No way. Oh... My... God!
What? For chrissakes, spit it out.
I'll be stayin' overnight at... The Airport Howard Johnsons!
Right by the airport -- Oh, Amber...
All right, say "Airport Ho-Jo."
Airport Ho-Jo!
Loretta, don't do that.
I'm sorry. They're just starin'.
I gotta work with these women.
I just, I just can't believe it. I'm Minnesota's American Teen Princess!
Our baby's going to Nationals! Lincoln, Alabama -- look out!
Oh, Amber...
I -- I -- I -- I -- I --, j-uh-j-uh- just wanted to compe-e-e-e-ete.
Amber? Here.
"Here," wh-wh-what?
Shut up, yous guys. Look, Amber, I'm not gonna win. And let's be honest, a family only needs one "Liza" and you know Peter's got much better legs than me.
Your parents'd kill you.
Oh c'mon, I love 'em, but you know they only had me 'cause Peter needed a kidney.
Lis, I want to, I really do, but... Oh, I can't.
Then do it for Peter. Mrs. Leeman used to call him a "skinny little fag" when he'd bag her groceries. He'd pop his Nancy-belt if his old jacket somehow, I don't know, got her back.
Yah?
I'm lucky I have an after-school job where I can practice my talent.
Mrs. Leeman?
Huh?
I -- I'm wearin' this costume. I'm, uh, I'm gonna do my talent tonight.
Oh really -- I don't think so. Uh, Amber, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but rules state that a costume must be okay'd at least a week in advance. And this... This is why we have the rule. My goodness gracious, I couldn't allow a neckline this low on stage. We have kids in the audience.
Sorry. I just thought she might not wanna meet her Maker lookin' like a cheap whore.
Well, your "cheap whore" is this family's "lovin' mother." The Clemens said to make him look like he just came from snowmobilin'. Pink cheeks, and...
Amber...
I'm gonna need more caps.
You hafta go home. There's some kinda emergency at the trailer park.
Relax, that's my ma's code for, "Bring home milk and a carton-a Luckys."
...Yah -- 1963. Her beauty worked against her when she started as a reporter in Louisville, her hometown. Those were different times.
Hey, Amber, y'get my smokes?
Oh shit!
They're from L.A. They wanted to see my room and film me for their movie.
Oh, Mom, it's so ugly.
Go on! Get out!
Mom!
I ain't lettin' go ktil you tell me what's up. I'm reaching' a point where I'd kill someone for the nicotine on their fingernails.
Okay. Yesterday I... I got this picture. So I kinda, y'know, I'm thinkin' no. I'm gonna, I -- I -- I'm gonna quit the pageant.
Ow!
Nice mouth you got there, Mom, but I -- I'm not goin' through this again.
You're not goin' through this again? You? You're not the one who knows how Jiffy Pop feels.
Oh, c'mon... First the picture of Tammy, then Brett Clemens, now this? It's scary.
Let me tell you "scary," Amber. Look at me. Do you wanna look like you been rode hard and put away wet at my age? I'm a "lifer" here. Best I can hope for is to end up in a descent "raisin ranch" where they'll change me twice a day.
That's it, I'm goin'...
God I hope that's you and not your concussion talkin'.
It's me... I just don't want this to be the thing you'd do over. This pageant's your ticket outta here. I know you can win, Amber.
C'mere. I love you so much.
Bye mom.
We was robbed.
Okay, okay! Listen-up. Coupla notes from last night's dress rehearsal. Number one, Gladys says a coupla yous are gettin' sexy with your hips durin' the "Physical Fitness" routine...
Uh, Amber? We're not puttin' on our Talent costumes. You need to put on your "Physical Fitness" outfit. And let's shake a leg, ladies.
I hate her!
Mrs. Clark, why are you doing this to me? Why're you pretendin' you don't know what's goin' on?
Amber, I'm sorry. I really am. But you know the rules. All talent costumes hafta be okay'd by Gladys before the pageant.
But, doesn't someone taking your costume so you can't compete, overrule that rule?
Sorry. I -- I don't make the rules.
This, this... This is bullshit!
Amber Atkins! That is not American Teen Princess language!
What're you doin' here?
What?
If you're gettin' at somethin', you better just say it.
I just did.
Oh -- oh, you bring me some of that snotty attitude, Becky -- bring it on.
Well, as my mother says at Sunday dinner, "Come and get it," bitch!
If you want seconds, then I'll make sure it's hot enough for ya.
Here, I didn't get any.
So, anyone talk to Janelle?
Amber, if I die from these fumes, will you be sure to cover the hickies on my neck?
Yeah...
And the bite marks on my ears?
Yes...
I know it doesn't matter, but on my inner thighs.
Hi...
Here, I'll take it. It's my job.
Oh man, you got leutefisk in your hair.
So, uh, I -- I'm not really busy Friday. I just said that -- y'know.
I know.
Well, uh, I'm cuttin' out early today to do a little duck huntin'... but, uh, maybe I could call you tonight.
Yah-sure, fine... fine.
Okay... well, bye.
What do you mean, they take out her butt?
Oh, Jesus H. Christ!
Are we on "Cops" again?
You could be quiet.
Hi.
Hi.
It's just the guys that are... you know, makin' the movie about the pageant. I told you about 'em.
Oh, naw. Hi.
This here's Loretta.
Say, yous boys been to the Leeman's?
Loretta, shut it.
Y'know, if you have, you got all the pictures of the winner you need.
Shut it up, Loretta.
Let's just say who should win, who deserves to win is Amber.
Why don't you paint a big red target on your ass, Loretta.
She's the prettiest, y'know. The best damn tapper. The most smartest...
Well, excuse me, Annette, but I'm braggin' up your kid, here. Amber's gonna be the next Diane Sawyer, y'know...
They're makin' a movie, here, goddamn it.
All right, they're makin' a movie.
You don't know where this is gonna...
Don't fall for it. She lives two trailers down.
So? Be real easy.
Go on home, Loretta. Come on. Go on, the party's over.
Oh-Jesus-Mary-n-Joseph, she's pregnant! If you are -- come back, sweetie. Mommy wants to talk, then KILL YOU!
We was robbed.
Annette, just use your hand.
Well, it's all happenin' so fast. Goodness-gracious, it hardly seems real, y'know? I mean, I won! I'm the winner! I'm going to State!
C'mon, Rebecca, you wanted it. Now get up there. Ride it side-saddle if you have to -- like a horse. C'mon, now.
It smells funny. Like gasoline.
Oh for chrissakes, everything smells like that in Mexico.
My dress'll reek.
I'm a mirror.
Correction. This spunky monkey on my right is Terry Macey. And we are your Minnesota American Teen Princess State Board.
We're also the co-founders of the Minnesota Modeling Academy. Applications are at the tiki bar. We'll wave the fifty dollar application fee if you list a friend and put her address.
That's right.
Okay?
People, people -- wait, wait a minute, here. Uh, while we haven't ruled out sabotage from neighboring state pageants -- Iowa, Wisconsin, North Dakota...
Yeah.
Dakota.
Ohio...
That bitch from...
What?
Wisconsin.
All right, then.
The bitch.
Do you think that most people would say that teenage beauty pageants are a good idea?
So what was the theme of the pageant last year?
Last year? It was, "Buy American."
And the year before that?
"U.S.A. is A-okay."
Can you remember the theme of your favorite pageant?
...Oh, yeah-right. I ain't gonna be in no goddamn pageant! Look what happened to that dork-ass farm girl.
Tammy Curry?
Yah -- yah. Everyone says this is a big accident? She got iced because she wins everything, and this time someone didn't want her to win.
This pageant's like a roach motel.
Girls check in, but they don't check out.
Yeah. And they say smokin' is bad for your health.
What a surprise. Gladys Leeman's finally gonna go to State. And she'll probably ride on Becky's ass all the way to Nationals, too.
...You betcha. S'posed to be colder- n-a witches tit tonight...
Oh, Lester. He loves his weather, y'know.
Hey, ya like it? Open it... Yah -- the globe. Pull at the equator there.
Lester?
Yah -- she's damn near as good as that little black fella -- with the glass eye.
Sammy Davis, Jr., honey.
Hey! Turn that float around. You think a swan's gonna swim ass first up Main Street?
Hey, Ted, sorry. I didn't know your family was in the garage when I set it on fire!
Gladys! Stop it!
So help me, Gladys.
Becky was my only shot at state!
That's enough!
...that filth is better left in the "Sin Cities."
...Today's "To Do" list includes a trip to the Mall of America. We need outfits for the "Physical Fitness" number --
Nothin' too showy!
Gladys -- Gladys! Look out!
Iris, stop! It's not his fault. The communal wine just proves too temptin' for some of them.
Oh, there's a parking space over there. Oh, no, that's just a compact. Sorry.
It's a two-hundred dollar fine!
I said I'd move if a cripple came. Let's just run in the store and pick out some outfits.
Oh! What is it?
Well, you know, I think everyone's doing really well considering the fact that she was so young.
It's always hard to see the young ones called home, especially on an exploding thresher. It's just so odd and gross.
You know that sometimes it's hard to understand God's great plan.
So, remember the three most important parts of a good interview...
Okay, everybody, listen up!
Okay, I designed the float, you know. And, what's gonna happen here is that this is going to look like a glistening lake beneath the swan.
Uh, Gladys?
What!
We need more bars!
This is -- what?
Enid ate a whole pan!
Are we on "Cops?" Are we on "Cops?" Are we on "Cops?"
Ow, Harold -- Mom said not the head.
Well, Mom's dead, so shut your fly trap.
I will if you shut your piehole.
Close up shop. Close up shop, Hank.
Harold!
EE-AAAYEEEE-AAAAYOUIAAAEEEEEEEE!
Let's get this straight right now. We wouldn't have been late at all if it wasn't for you.
I want to have the big bag of little donuts.
You get nothing, Hank, okay?
I want to get the big bag of little donuts.
Excuse me, Father, Mother, when are we moving back to Tokyo? I can't stand this place anymore. They put butter on everything.
English! English, you stupid little retard! We America now, Tina!
I'm sorry, Dad, but with all due respect, my name isn't "Tina," it's Seiko.
Mom, I just finished the third movement of that concerto I was working on. I put, like, this techno beat on this Japanese folk tune -- wanna hear it?
No! We not like to hear it! Go to your room and shut up!
Oh, I almost forgot... I got my acceptance to Tokyo University.
From what I have been gathering, I think they think I should be king: I think they think I should be king!
He should be king!
And wear a crown and everything.
Of course you're All aware a king must have an heir some one to pass the family name along will some one tell me where I'd ever get an heir if a king can do no wrong
The king can do no wrong!
Suppose a pretty dame Into my castle came - And let us say that I was going strong. She might be stuck on me, but what good would it be, if the king can do no wrong.
The king can do to wrong!
King Solomon was game he gave each Girl his name to number them would make a list that long I'll bet his thousand wives led miserable lives if the king can do no wrong.
We really think he should be king and wear a crown and everything.
Here I am, Father.
Take a letter.
Who to?
My dear President... read it back...
"My dear President"...
That doesn't sound right... take out "President"... now read it.
"My dear"...
That's not right yet... put back "President" and take out "dear"... How does it read now?
"My President"...
There's still something wrong with it... take out "President" ...now what've you got?
"My"...
Now we're on the right track... Put back "dear"... How does it read?
"My dear"...
You can't say that to the President... Put back "President"... Now let's hear how sounds.
"My dear President"...
That's what I wanted in the first place. Tear it up and send it airmail.
Is that all?
Dear Sir... enclosed find check for $100. Yours very truly... Send that immediately.
I'll have to enclose the check first.
Here I am, Father...
Send for my car...
Go out and chase that peanut vendor away from the building -- Get rid of him if you have to use violence - if necessary call out the militia and if he isn't looking get me a bag of peanuts.
I've tried to chase him but it's no use - he won't go -
He won't eh? - We'll see about that - send for your father immediately.
But you're my father -
In case of fire, how long will it take to empty this place?
About - thirty-four seconds.
Father...
Who to?
Eureka Ammunition Company -- Gentlemen -- Your shipment of sailor hats arrived this morning by freight -- Gloria, I could go for you in a big way -- However, the rifles you sent were a little rusty -- -- and I don't say that to everybody -- Have not received last month's drawing account. How come? Your neck is like a swan... Yours very
Eureka Ammunition Company, Gentlemen. Your shipment of sailor hats arrived this morning by freight. Gloria, I could go for you in a big way. However, the rifles you sent were a little rusty and I don't say that to everybody. Have not received last month's drawing account; how come your neck is like a swan. Yours very truly...
They'll know I mean business then they get that letter... see that that gets out immediately and that goes for you too.
Yes, sir.
I wonder what's keeping His Excellency?
Never mind His Excellency -- you gotta your pocketbook?
Yes -- why?
In her dressing room? Why, what could he be doing there?
What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with you?
You haven't been still a moment since you've been here. You act as if you had neurosis --
Hey you!!
Have you got a license?
No, but my dog he's a got millions of them --
What kind of a dog is he?
He used to be a bloodhound but he's anemic --
Well - what is he now?
He's half poodle and half watch dog -
Half watch dog?
Yeh, he's only got one eye.
I don't know much about dogs but you ought to be on the end of a leash - a ninety-nine year leash - Look - what do you call your dog?
I don't call him, I whistle.
What do you whistle?
Yankee Poodle.
I've got just the place for a man like you but I'm too busy right now to do any digging. What do you call your dog when you want him?
I don't want him.
Well, if you don't want your dog why don't you put him in a pound?
He only weighs ten ounces --
That was for you.
I'm sorry I'm not in. I wanted to have a long talk with you... Now look here, my good man, you've got to stop yelling "peanuts" in front of the House of Representatives.
Oh no, I can't do it.
You don't want to be a public nuisance, do you?
Sure. How much does the job pay? Sure, if there's a chance for advancement.
You wouldn't consider going over Niagara Falls without a barrel?
'At's-a no good. I went to Niagara Falls once.
Did you shoot the rapids?
No, but I shot some ducks.
If there was an open season for fellows like you, I'd get myself a hunting license. Anyway, I'm going to make you a sporting proposition. You give up the peanut stand and I'll make you vice-president of the country.
Oh, no -- nothing doing. I had a brother who was a vice-president once and that's the last we ever heard of him.
Hello... Yes... No, not yet... All right... Goodbye. That was for you again. He wants you to call him up as soon as you get back.
I don't know what's keeping me. I should've been here a long time ago. Now how about my proposition?
What other job you got?
Let's see -- What've I got in my cabinet besides mice -- I've got it -- how would you like to be Secretary of the Interior?
That's no good. I like to work on the outside. I must have something easy.
Then you don't wanna work hard?
I don't wanna work at all.
In that case you'll have to take a civil service examination -- if you pass I'll put you in the post-office -- stick out your tongue.
I don't wanna stick out my tongue.
Well, if you wanna work in the post- office you'll have to stick out your tongue.
Look, I'm a very nervous man. I gotta have a job where I come to work at eleven -- go to lunch at twelve -- and quit at one. And twice a year I gotta have a six month vacation.
I've got just the job for you -- Secretary of War.
You know, I'd be lost without a telephone. Now - where were we? Oh, yes - I just made you Secretary of War. The first thing you do is buy ammunition -- you buy it from me and I get 10% commission.
What do I get?
You get half mine and I get half yours.
I don't want to buy ammunition -- we no gotta war.
Then we've gotta start one. Do you know how to start a war?
My card.
That's a-no good. You gotta insult somebody from another country. Look -- I come from one country. You come from another country. I say something you don't like. You say something I don't like - and I'm insulted.
Why wasn't I insulted?
You was insulted, but you don't know it.
Then I demand an apology!
That's a-no good. If I apologize we no got a war. Look -- I send you a scrap of paper. You send me a scrap of paper -- and we have a scrap.
You've got a brain after all - and how you get along without it is amazing to me -- Now, who can I insult?... Who do we owe money to?... AMBASSADOR TRENTINO! How about him?
He's-a very easy to insult -- I say something to his niece once, and he slapped my face.
Why didn't his niece slap your face?
She did.
You're lucky I don't slap your face -- you oughtta be ashamed of yourself. Where did you hear that story?
You told it to me.
Wait a minute. What kind of an army do you think we oughtta have?
Send in the next girl.
By the way, are you sure we need a spy?
I'm glad I didn't ask you for "Washington Crossing the Delaware".
He's going to make a good spy... that's not bad for the first day.
You're right about that guy -- I think we've got something.
You no gotta no gun.
Late again, eh? You haven't been on time once since this war started... Get out there and fight...
I can't do it...
Why not? You're the Secretary of War, aren't you?
Yes, but I'm not working for you any more. I'm on the other side.
Now -- how many men you got in your army?
Well, we gotta one hundred thousand men.
That's not fair -- we've only got fifty thousand.
That's all right. We let you have twenty-five thousand men -- and we both start even.
That's the spirit -- fifty-fifty.
No. Seventy-five -- seventy-five.
Well, we'll let that one go. Now -- how many battalions you got?
We gotta two battalions and one Frenchman.
I wish you were still working for me, so I could ask you to resign. How're ya fixed for cavalry?
I've gotta five thousand men but no horses.
That's funny, we've got five thousand horses but no men.
That's all right -- our men can ride your horses.
Not a bad idea. If our horses get tired they can ride your men for a change. Now, I don't mind letting you have our horses, but you must promise to put them through their maneuvers.
With a gun like that you can kill some of your own men.
That's-a pretty good. I'll take a dozen of them.
Anything else?
Yes, one gross of bullets, two dozen hand-grenades, three kegs of powder -- and throw in some matches.
Fine. We'll throw in the matches before we make the delivery. By the way, how're you fixed for spys?
Fine. We gotta him.
So! -- He's on your side, too.
Sure.
How'm I doing, boss?
Fine - keep on yelling - Do everything you can to disturb Firefly - Now what about your cousin?
Chicolini, you've come just in time. We need a man who's fearless, brave. A man who's willing to die, if necessary.
All right -- I'll go out and find one.
Firefly must be captured at any cost.
That's easy, I'll get him for you wholesale.
It must be done right away.
We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke HAIL, HAIL, FREEDONIA
If chewing gum is chewed, The chewer is pursued And in the hoosegow hidden...
If we should choose to chew, we'll be pursued -
I will not stand for anything that's crooked or unfair; I'm strictly on the up and up, So everyone beware. If anyone's caught taking graft And I don't get my share, we'll stand 'em up against the wall - and pop goes the weasel!
So everyone beware Who's crooked or unfair; No one must take a bit of graft Unless he gets his share.
If any man should come between A husband and his bride, We find out which one she prefers By letting her decide. If she prefers the other man, The husband steps outside; We stand him up against the wall And Pop goes the Weasel!
The husband steps outside; Relinquishes his bride; We stand him up against the wall And take him for a ride.
Your Excellency, please don't think me silly, but I'd love to have a picture of you. I want to hang it in my bedroom.
You keep that up and you'll crab the whole war.
Oh, Your Excellency, isn't there something I can do?
I shall dance for you tonight as I've never danced before.
This is a fine thing to be doing at my age.
Are you getting tired?
Are you sure you're not tired?
That's even a greater honor.
I bring you the greetings of my President and the good will of my people.
I'll keep the greetings -- but you can send back the good will... what we need right now is twenty million dollars.
Twenty million dollars is a considerable sum... I'll have to discuss that with my Minister of Finance.
Well, in the meantime, could you let me have $50 personally?
$50?
I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you Mrs. Teasdale as security. or my jackknife. If you want my advice, you'll take the jackknife... I've a better proposition... Make it $25 and I'll give you a first mortgage on my son and I hope you foreclose.
Your Excellency, haven't we met before?
Excellency, may I present my niece.
Go ahead.
You don't understand. This is my niece Vera.
When you get through with her feet, you can start on mine. I haven't been to a chiropodist in two years... If that's not an insult, I don't know what is. Gloria, I love you. I --
Can't we go some place where we can be alone?
This has gone far enough! This interruption is humiliating, to say the least...
That's what you think.
You swine!
Give me that again!
You worm!
Once more!
You upstart!
Then it's war?
Yes.
How're ya fixed for ammunition?
Bah!!
I'm sorry we lost our tempers... I'm willing to forget if you are.
Forget? You ask me to forget... Why, my ancestors would rise from their graves... and I'd only have to bury them again... A Firefly never forgets...
I am willing to apologize... I'm willing to do anything to prevent this war.
What I called you... Why, what did I call you?
I don't remember.
Oh -- you mean... worm?
No, that wasn't it...
Was it -- swine?
No... it was a seven letter word.
Oh yes! -- UPSTART!
Why - er - Mrs. Teasdale - this is an outrage! This man is impossible... My course is clear... this means war... You RUNT!
What'll I do with this card?
In choosing you, I feel that I serve my country well. I heartily endorse everything you stand for.
Well, I won't stand for much. And I won't stand for you if you don't show some improvement soon. Look at your report card last month -- "D" in spelling... six in behavior. Now who were the six? A fine state of affairs -- no wonder you can't matriculate, now what were you saying?
The future of Freedonia rests upon you. Promise me you will follow in my husband's footsteps.
I haven't been on the job five minutes and already she's making advances to me. Not that I care -- but where is your husband?
Why - er -- my husband passed away... I was with him to the very end.
No wonder he passed away. I'd like to be with you to the very end. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you -- I love you.
Your Excellency!
Your Excellency, the eyes of the world are upon you. Notables from every land are gathered here in your honor -- This is a gala day for us.
Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I couldn't handle any more.
If it's not asking too much -- For our information just for illustration Tell us how you intend to run the nation.
You've made a wonderful impression. Your views are liberal... It is easy to see you have an open mind.
That's what I get for dressing in a hurry.
Your Excellency, you mustn't forget your appointment at the House of Representatives... Have you got your speech ready?
I wrote a speech last night that'll knock them off their seats... Four score and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation --
Why, that's the speech that Lincoln made at Gettysburg...
Oh, Rufus!
All I can offer you is a Rufus over your head.
Oh, Your Excellency, I don't know what to say.
So -- you've come to ask for clemency! I'll give the enemy no quarter -- not a dime...
But Your Excellency -- the Ambassador is here on a friendly visit... He came to ask you to patch up the breach.
Oh, won't you reconsider...
Guard them with your life... don't leave them out of your sight... If the enemy gets those papers we're lost. If they don't get them, we're lost. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you... Mrs. Teasdale, you're the salt of the earth. They don't come any better than you...
Now -- er --
Well -- they might come better but they don't come any bigger... and the bigger the better. The bigger the betta you've got on a horse, the more you lose, and speaking about horses, why don't you marry me. Come, come -- say yes and you'll never see me again. I'll go 'way if it means your happiness...
Gloria -- may I call you Gloria?
Why -- why -- of course.
I hope I'm not interrupting.
Take a seat -- you're next.
Your Excellency, something terrible has just happened.
My purse has been stolen -- the plans of war are in it.
I -- I may be wrong, but I suspect the Secretary of War.
Don't bother me - I'm thinking -- What was that?
I said - I suspect the Secretary of War.
THIS IS TREASON!! What a fool I was to listen to your siren song and fall a helpless victim under the insidious spell of your irresistible charms --
But -
You know I think they think I should be king. Although it would please me to govern the throng, suppose I were king and then everything went wrong.
Your uncle has been such a friend to us in every crisis. Without his country's financial aid --
What is money? Mrs. Teasdale, for you -- I would do anything.
Ambassador! I am so anxious for you to meet our new dictator.
...but would further cement the relations of our countries.
Ambassador Trentino, I am indeed honored... But you see - well - I --
Oh. Then there his somebody else?
Well no -- not exactly -- but --
Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
I shall report this indignity the my President. Mrs. Teasdale, I feel this regrettable occurrence will plunge our countries into war.
Mrs. Teasdale, I'm willing to pocket my pride and do anything I can to make up with his Excellency.
Oh, would you...?
So that's the one you want to marry.
With Mrs. Teasdale as my wife and Freedonia under my control --
Maybe it's not going to be so easy. From what I've heard, Mrs. Teasdale is rather sweet on this Rufus T. Firefly.
Uncle, you can't do this!
My dear niece -- I must ask you not to interfere. War is not a woman's problem.
This is all Firefly's fault -- that idiot, that fool...
I thought everything was working out fine.
Fine nothing! I didn't want war... My plan was to marry Mrs. Teasdale and overthrow Firefly.
If only we can get his Excellency to listen to reason...
Mr. Merrick, sugar?
Yes please, two.
One or two?
Oh yes. You have so many nice things, and so much room.
And here is one of Frederick's mother.
They have noble faces.
I've always thought that myself.
Oh... why Mr. Merrick she's beautiful.
She has the face of an angel... She was an angel. She was so kind... so kind to me. It's not her fault, for in the fourth month of her maternal condition she was knocked down by an elephant. I'm sure I must have been a great disappointment to her.
Oh no, Mr. Merrick. No. No son as loving as you are could ever be a disappointment.
You won't be long?
Did it go well, darling?
Yes, very well, I think. Are the girls in bed?
Yes, and they send their kisses. Would you like your sherry now?
Freddie?... Freddie, don't look so discouraged.
I shouldn't be. We made great progress today. I taught him to repeat a few basic phrases. He did rather well, too, but I had to lead him every step of the way. Though frankly, at times I was unsure of who was leading whom.
What do you mean?
Well, I wasn't sure whether he was parroting me because that's all he was capable of, or whether he sensed that that's all I wanted to hear, and he was trying to please me.
But I thought you said that he was rather... simple?
Frederick, why are you so interested in this particular case?
Perhaps you're just polishing a stone, endowing this Elephant Man with qualities he doesn't possess?
And what qualities are those? Intelligence or stupidity?
I'm sorry... I don't know either. I just don't know.
Well, these things take time.
John loves the house.
Yes.
You stay with me.
More romances for John?
Hmmm?
...Freddie! What's the matter? You've been like this all evening.
Oh... I've just been thinking about something that man Bytes said.
Oh, Freddie. What could that wretched vampire say to upset you?
That I am very little different from him.
Oh that's absurd, Frederick. No, no Frederick, that's all wrong! John is happier and more fulfilled now than he has ever been in his entire life. And, that is completely due to you.
But why did I do it? What was this all for? So John Merrick could live out his last days in peace and comfort? Or so I could become famous?
Frederick, just what is it that you are saying?
...Am I a good man or am I a bad man?
Excuse me, Mr. Treves, sir.
Yes?
I found it.
Our man is sick. Come right away.
What is it?
Like this.
You sly bastard. You're doing this to spite me, aren't you!
Aw, Bytes, he's sick.
He's doing it to spite me, I tell you, and it's got to stop!
He's sick, Bytes. He's going to die.
What are you going to do?
Don't!
What did you do to him? He's been like this all night!
What do you mean?
He was fine when he left here, and now look at him.
What happened?
He fell. He falls.
He's a clumsy git. Never watches where he is going.
Why is he sitting up like this? He needs rest.
This man belongs in hospital.
Can't you fix him up here? ...He's my livelihood. Listen.
I like doing business with you. You and I understand each other, completely. I know I can trust you. Can't I?
I want my man back.
Just a moment, how did you get in here?
Never mind that, I want my man!
He's still very sick. Please come downstairs with me. I'll explain the situation.
DON'T... Don't muck me about. You've had plenty of time to fix him up, and he's leaving with me, NOW. Do you understand me? Now, Mr. Treves. We had a bargain!
You misunderstood. This man suffered a severe fall, if you take my meaning. He's my patient now and I must do what...
Pull the other one, why don't you! We made a deal!
I know what you've done to him and he's never going back to that.
He's a freak! That's how they live. We're partners, him and I, business partners. You're willfully deprivin' me of my livlihood!
All you do is profit from another man's misery!
You think you're better 'n me? YOU wanted the freak to show all your doctor chums and make a name for yourself, you guv. So I gave him to you. On trust, in the name of science! And now I want him back.
You don't own this man!
I want him back!
So you can beat him? So you can starve him? A dog in the street would fare better with you!
Now I think we really do understand one another.
Good morning, Treves.
Good morning, sir.
You've acquired a taste for this?
It's quite nutritious, sir.
Don't be frightened. He won't hurt you.
A hospital is no place for secrecy, Mr. Treves. Doctors spiriting hooded figures about are liable to cause comment. Why wasn't this patient properly admitted, and why is he in isolation? Is he contagious?
No sir, he's got bronchitis and he's been badly beaten.
Why isn't he in the General Ward, then?
Well sir, he's quite seriously deformed, and I fear the other patients would find him... rather shocking.
Deformed? Is that it. Then am I to assume that he is ultimately incurable?
Yes sir.
What are your plans then, Treves... You are aware that the London does not accept incurables. The rules are quite clear on that point.
Yes, I'm well aware of that. But this case is quite exceptional.
Oh, is he a friend of yours?
I certainly sympathize with your problem, Treves... Why don't you try the British Home, or the Royal Hospital for perhaps they would have a place for him.
Have you contacted the British Home and the Royal Hospital?
Ah, no sir. I had planned to see them in the morning.
Good! How is the patient?
He's doing very well. In fact that's why I came to see you. I think that if I were to present Mr. Merrick to the hospital committee, then they would have a chance to see for themselves not only the extraordinary nature of the disease, but of the man as well. If the committee had a chance to speak with him, hear him say
A few words? I thought he was imbecile?
Well sir, perhaps I should explain...
I really don't think that's necessary Treves. I'm quite sure the committee will be able to make an equitable decision on the merits of the case, such as they are.
I don't agree. No one can make a reasonable decision about this man's future without at least meeting him. No doctor would presume to diagnose a patient he had never met.
No, Treves, it's out of the question. Now if it was up to me, I'd say "Certainly, let's meet the fellow, by all means," I'm sorry, I simply can't speak for the other members of the committee.
Then will you meet him, as a representative of the committee.
Singularly unpleasant chap... uh... I don't suppose there would be any harm in my meeting your... patient, Mr. Treves.
Thank you very much Sir. Shall we say in a few days then?
Shall we say two o'clock tomorrow afternoon?
Wh... whatever is most convenient for you, sir.
Two o'clock then... you know Treves... It seems this acquaintance of yours has become rather more than just an acquaintance.
It's only a physical problem. He has trouble with certain sounds because of the constrictive deformity of the mouth. But he can talk, and has a great eagerness to make contact with people who will let him. So if you have any difficulty understanding what he is saying, just tell me and I'll make it clear.
...As I said, it's only a physical problem... but I do feel that Mr. Merrick is very flattered that you're taking the time and trouble to meet him, and he's most anxious to make a good impression, so he might seem rather nervous.
He needn't. I have no desire to cause him any discomfort. Did you make those inquiries we spoke about?
Yes, I spoke to both the British Home and Royal Hospital for Incurables. I'm afraid that they weren't very encouraging, but they said they'd bring it up at their next committee meeting, so we should have their answers shortly.
Oh yes?
It was a nice try, Treves, but the man is so obviously mouthing your words.
Yes, I'm very sorry to have wasted your time, sir. I just felt that I had to do anything I could to protect him.
How did you, know the rest? I never taught you the rest of it.
I don't understand.
Treves. Well done.
Can you imagine what his life has been like?
Yes, I think I can.
You are quite right, Treves, this is an exceptional case. And I quite agree that the committee should see Mr. Merrick.
I could easily arrange...
No, not that way. Broadneck and the others don't like to deal with patients directly. It makes them queasy... Do you have any photographs of Mr. Merrick?
Well, yes.
Excellent. We shall present them, along with the other particulars of the case to the committee. I want them to see, exactly, how horribly his body has been affected. You and I shall vouch for his inner qualities.
Do you think they'll go along with us?
Don't we?
No, we don't. Their committees have informed me that they're unwilling to take Mr. Merrick, even if they were supplied with funds. They don't want him.
Has the response picked up?
Frankly, Treves, it's not what I'd expected. A few small cheques. Well- wishers. Don't worry, these things undoubtedly take time.
But he's so afraid he's going to be carted off. I've promised him that won't happen.
Well... I'll let you know if there's something in the afternoon post.
Don't you think this is a bit premature? We don't have the backing yet to...
How are you feeling today?
I feel much better. Thank you for asking. And you?
I'm feeling very fit, thank you. How is your bronchitis?
I feel much better. Thank you.
Are you comfortable here?
...I... everyone has been very kind to me.
...everyone has been very kind.
What is it, Treves?
It was a great pleasure to meet you, Mr. Merrick.
I am very pleased to meet you.
How long has this man been here?
Three quarters of an hour.
Abominable things these machines. One can't reason with them.
I say Freddie, what are you about?
Good Lord, Freddie! What have you got in there?
You'll know presently. At the meeting of the society. But until then, I beg of you Fox, keep it to yourself.
Certainly, if you insist. You must have quite a find there.
I don't know what I've got.
You never mentioned his mental state.
Fair Katharine, and most fair, will you vouchsafe to teach a soldier terms Such as will enter at a lady's ear And plead his love-suit to her gentle heart?
Your majesty shall mock at me; I cannot speak your England.
O fair Katharine, if you will love me soundly with your French heart, I will be glad to hear you confess it brokenly with your English tongue. Do you like me, Kate?
Pardonnez-moi, I cannot tell vat is "like me".
An angel is like you, Kate, and you are like an angel.
O bon Dieu! les langues des hommes sont pleines de tramperies.
What say you, fair one? That the tongues of men are full of deceits?
Oui, dat de tongues of de mans is be full of deceits.
Good day...!
I've brought you some things. I hope you'll like, Mr. Merrick. I hope you don't think it too forward.
Oh, no.
I want you to know that I don't go about giving my pictures to just anyone.
She's very pretty, your mother.
Mr. Treves says that you are in the theatre. Do you live there?
Oh no, Mr. Merrick. I just work there.
Well, even to work there would be wonderful. Is it beautiful?
You've never been?
Alas, no.
Well you must go. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Of course, I'm rather partial.
Tell me about it, please!
It's very difficult to put into a nutshell, but I should say the theater is the shrine of the imagination, where one may suspend disbelief and travel anywhere in the world, to any time you desire. You may look over the shoulders of kings, unobserved, battle with ruthless tyrants, and marry the beautiful princess, all in the space of a few hours. Onstage you
Romance!
Have you read it?
Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?
Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.
Why, Mr. Merrick, you're not an Elephant Man at all...
Oh no?
John, I'd like you to meet one of the brightest lights of the British stage, Mrs. Kendal. Mrs. Kendal, John Merrick.
It's all arranged. I'll send over some evening gowns for the sisters that you select to accompany Mr. Merrick. You'll be using the Royal entrance and Princess Alexandra herself will be there to welcome him to her private box.
I'm very grateful to you, Mrs. Kendal. This is just the thing to help him forget his ordeal. John will be very excited.
Well it is a miracle he ever got back. And, I'm sure, Mr. Treves, under your expert care, he'll have many happy years ahead.
I fear not, Mrs. Kendal. Even in the short time he was gone the size of his head has increased rapidly... as is his pain.
How awful for John.
And yet, not once have any of us heard him complain.
Is he... dying then?
Yes. There is nothing more frustrating, nothing that makes a physician feel more useless, than standing by watching his patient deteriorate. And when that patient is a friend, no... no, there's absolutely nothing I can do.
Well, it's all quite... I've never heard... It's quite...
You alright?
y-y-yes--
Want to come out?
You're English.
Of course! You want out?
Yes.
I'm sorry I could only get you a third class ticket, but it's all we had.
Oh no, my friend...
Say hello to London for me. I miss her.
Oh, yes.
Feeling better now, Mr. Merrick?
Thank you very much.
Well, if there is nothing more, I suppose we'll be leaving you now.
Good morning, Mr. Merrick.
What? Oh! I see! It's St. Phillips. Oh, of course. Why... why that's very good, I mean you've gotten the windows and arches just right.
Yes.
But it's so good, I mean... it's so very good.
Thank you... very much.
The hallway? Oh, the wastecan!
I meant no harm, it was the only place where I could find cardboard. I thought it has been thrown away.
What's this?
The main spire.
The... oh, the spire! How silly of me, it's as plain as day... Mr. Merrick, where did you learn to do this?
I'll have to find some more.
Yyyy... Yyye... yyyess.
...Yyes
Yyyess.
Yyess.
That's much better. I could understand that "yes".
Yes!
Very good! Oh yes! Now listen. I'm going to say some things to you and I want you to repeat them... um... I want you to say them back to me. Do you understand? I'm going to say some things to you and I want you to say them back to me. Do you understand?
Yes.
Excellent! Now, say... "Hello"
Hello...
My name is...
My... name is...
John Merrick.
John... Merrick
Say "Merrick".
Merrick...
Say "Mmmerrick."
Mmmerrick.
Say "Mmmerrick."
Mmmerrick.
Well, that's alright. I understand you. Now, say the whole thing again, Hello ...
Why, my dear Mrs. Mothershead, how good of you to join us. Mr. Merrick, will you please introduce yourself?
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want, he maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul: He Guideth me in the paths of righteousness...
Righteousness...
Righteousness for his namesake.
Very good, very good. Now, when your visitor comes today I want you to say it exactly the way you said it just now. I will introduce him to you and you will say the words you've learned. If you have any trouble with any of the words, I'll help you. I'm sure you'll be just fine. If you do as well for him
John, may I introduce you to Sir Carr Gomm.
Mr. Merrick likes the food here. Don't you John?
...Yes potatoes... but...
Why did you let me go on like that, teaching you what you already knew? Why didn't you tell me you could read?
You did not ask me.
I never thought to ask. How can you ever forgive me?
Oh, no do not say that. You have been so kind to me. I was afraid to say too much. People always want me to be quiet. You wanted me to speak, but I was afraid. Forgive me.
Good evening. How are you feeling?
Good evening. Very well, thank you. And you?
This... is my new home?
Yes.
The hospital?
How long will I stay here?
You look splendid, John.
Thank you very much.
John... what's the matter? John... why are you upset?
Well, it's a lovely bedroom. What do you call that thing above the bed?
That's a canopy, John.
Ohhh...
How is your tea, John?
It's very good. I'm enjoying my visit with you very much. It's so very kind of you to have me as a guest in your home. I'm sorry I made a spectacle of myself.
Not at all, John.
I love the way you've arranged your pictures on the mantlepiece. Is that the way it's done in most houses?
Oh yes.
Who are they of?
Oh, our relatives... the children.
The children! May I see?
The Children. Where are your children
Oh, they're gone for the day... with friends.
Would you... would you like to see my mother?
Your mother?
Good morning, John.
Good morning.
When will the stream be aweary of flowing under my eye? When will the wind be aweary of blowing over the sky? When will the clouds be aweary of fleeting? When will the heart be aweary of beating, and nature die?
Mr. Treves, there is something I've been meaning to ask you for some time...
Yes, John?
No John, I can't. I can care for you, but I can't cure you.
The cathedral is coming along nicely.
How blind of me. Is there anything else, John, anything at all that I could get for you?
Oh no! There is nothing! I have everything, you have given me everything I could possibly want. I am happy every hour of the day. I only wish there was something I could give to you.
You want a dressing bag, John?
...my... home?
Yes, John.
You did this for me?
Yes.
My home.
Is it the one you wanted?
Oh, Mr. Treves. Mr. Treves.
Are you sure? Because I can take it back.
Mr. Treves! Treves.
Stand up, John. Let them see you.
Oh no, I couldn't.
Will the cathedral be finished soon, John?
Yes, very soon.
Splendid. it's truly a masterpiece. Well, I suppose I'll be on my way now. I hoped your enjoyed yourself this evening.
Oh yes! It was wonderful!
Yes John?
Mr. Treves, tell me... tell me truly. Is it alright, did I make any mistakes that you can see?
No, John, not one that I can see.
Then I shouldn't change anything?
Goodnight John. Sleep well.
Ah, Mothershead. How are you feeling today?
Fine.
Good. Excellent. Now then, Mrs. Mothershead, I want you to come into this room with me. Inside there is a man with a rather... unfortunate appearance.
I've heard.
Yes... Well, I want you to clear up a little mess, a breakfast tray was spilt. And bring up another breakfast. When you've done that, you and I shall give the man a bath. But, Mothershead, I'm counting on your many years of experience to get you through this, Above all, do not scream, do not cry out, or in any way show this
Sir, you don't have to worry about me. I'm not the sort to cry out. Shall we go in?
The workhouse.
Good morning, Mr. Treves. It'll be his bath-time soon. Has he eaten?
Won't come out, eh?
No, he's very upset about something.
He's had his share of "smacks", Mothershead. I expect that's what drives him under the bed. We must use patience and understanding with this man.
Good Lord, Mr. Treves!
We've made tremendous strides today, Mothershead. He listens and repeats with great attention, and this certainly isn't easy for him.
Parrots can do as much, Mr. Treves. It's all very nice, but I don't see the point. You know they won't let him stay here.
Watery headed bunch.
Incredible, isn't it? Well, I think John has had enough visitors for one day, Mothershead. I've got a lecture at the college, I'll be back this evening.
Excuse me, sir. I'd like to have a word with you.
Oh?... Well, quickly please, Mothershead, I'm overdue.
I can't understand why you let those people go in there, sir.
Now Mothershead, you have to understand that this is very good for John. He relishes contact with people outside the hospital...
But you saw them, sir. They couldn't hide their disgust. They don't care anything for John, they're just trying to impress their friends.
Aren't you being just a little harsh, Mothershead? You yourself hardly treated John with much loving kindness when he first arrived.
I bathed him, didn't I? I fed him and cleaned up after him! If loving kindness can be called care and practical concern, then yes, I did treat him with loving kindness, and I'm not ashamed to say it.
Mr. Treves, some more books arrived for Mr. Merrick.
Thank you, Mothershead. Have a porter put them in my office.
Yes sir. What's that?
A dressing bag.
Very smart indeed.
Yes. John wants it.
A dressing bag?
You don't think it's too gaudy, do you.
Well...
So you see, John, there's no need for a lighthouse. All your friends are here.
WHERE IS MR. MERRICK?
Don't lie to me. I know all about it. You were SEEN. Where did you take him?
Take him? Now wait... I didn't take him anywhere. We were just having some fun. We didn't hurt him... just having a laugh, that's all.
HE'S GONE!
When I left him, he was in his bed, safe and sound.
YOU BASTARD! You tortured him. YOU TORTURED HIM, you bastard. WHERE is HE?
YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! I ain't done nothing wrong. People pay to see your monster, Mr. Treves. I just take the money.
Are you the proprietor?
And who might you be, sir?
Just one of the curious. I'd like to see it.
I'd pay handsomely for a private showing. Are you the proprietor?
Handsomely?... Who sent you?
Pardon me?
So you'll bring him to me, tomorrow, 10:00 a.m.? Mr...?
Bytes. Mr. Bytes. He'll be there.
Open up! I know you're in there!
Ah! It's my father!
Right! Where is he?
Who, Father?
Who? Who? Whoever you've got in here of course!
Well... where is he?
Ah! So you admit there IS someone!
It's all in your own mind, Father... It's YOU who imagine that I'm always up here with some man or other....
There is no magic, Father... My mother had no magic...
She did, I tell you! She could blind me as easily as the night the day.
It's your fantasy...
It's all right! It isn't happening!
It's sinking! Hy-Brasil is sinking!
WHAT did you say?
I said welcome.
WELCOME?
How d'you KNOW we're "friends"?
Please! Please! What are those?
What are what?
Those things in your hands.
What's the matter?
PLEASE! You don't know what you're doing!
What?
WHY?
Yes.
Have you ever felt like this about anyone else?
What... you mean "got into bed with" them?
No, of course not, silly -- I mean FELT like this about them?
You mean... you HAVE got into bed with somebody else?
No, I mean have you ever felt that for the first time in your life you'd met somebody you could believe in with your whole heart... someone whose goals suddenly seem to be YOUR goals... whose dreams seem to be YOUR dreams?
HAVE you ever been to bed with anyone else?
What does that matter? But you've... you've... FELT like this before...
It was different...
What was she like?
Oh... oh, I didn't know her very well...
But you LOVED her all the same...
We never went to bed together.
Why do you go on about that? What does it matter?
You've been to bed with somebody else, haven't you?
I've never LOVED anybody!
The Cloak Invisible. It was my mother's parting gift.
"The fifth one this week"!
Oh, for goodness' sake!
That's just what I was trying to tell you. You ARE...
Five this week; how many the week before?
You're as bad as my father.
We mustn't let him land!
Who?
Halfdan the Black.
Just give me a hand.
Where's the Cloak Invisible?
No!
I'll bring it back.
Erik. You don't understand.
No. It's YOU who doesn't understand, Aud. Halfdan has come to kill and destroy. We brought him here. We must stop him.
But you don't realize....
And thanks for the Cloak Invisible!
No! No! We are in the spell of the Horn! Hatred will destroy us.
No. Don't look... The abyss will suck away your strength.
YOU still want to go to Asgaard?
Of course.
Do you believe I love you?
I... but I...
You don't have to love me. Just: do you believe I love YOU?
Yes -- I believe you do.
The second note.
Erik! You've done what you came to do!
Blow the third note! The note to take us home!
There is something I must ask the Gods...
Then I shall come too.
No... no...
I don't want to live WITHOUT you.
LOKI! Where did YOU come from?
But --
But... How is it you can see me? You can all see me?
How do we know this is the way?
We blew the Horn Resounding.
Now what CAN you want with me, Erik the "Viking"?
I shouldn't have come.
What do you see, Erik?
I see the world.
Is it night or day, Erik?
It is day, of course, Freya.
Have you ever seen the sun, Erik?
The sun is up beyond the clouds -- where it always is.
But have you ever seen it? Think back...
Of course not... but... when I was a child... I remember a dream.... it was as if the whole sky was blue...
Is there nothing men can do?
The Gods are asleep, Erik.
And will the dead ever return, Freya?
No... we don't...
How?
Well... for a start... er... there's no killing...
Well, OBVIOUSLY there's no killing.
Would you like us to sing to you?
What's the matter, don't you WANT to hear our singing?
Oh... well, yes, of course; it's just we're looking for the Horn Resounding and --
You don't think our singing's going to be good enough for you?
Oh, no no no! It's just the Horn Resounding is...
A lot of people like our singing.
I'm sure it's lovely.
But you don't want to hear it.
Er... well... we... we... would be TERRIBLY grateful if you... all... would sing for us.
Of course we're not; we'd genuinely like to hear you sing.
REALLY?
Really.
No.
We're just not a very musical nation...
No, no... It was very... er, nice.
No.
Your Majesty! We come from a world where there IS no music. Where men live and die by the axe and by the sword...
Well, how d'you think I feel?
The Gods are asleep, King Arnulf.
I'll tell you what...
Careful! They're not supposed to hurt you.
It's all part of our safety regulations. You see if someone were to get hurt they might get angry and then... well...
He's trying to stop us waking the Gods.
Why?
Because that's how he makes his money, by war and plunder!
Don't talk nonsense.
He wants to kill US!
Not when we explain about the Great Blessing.
You don't know Halfdan the Black.
Is there something the matter with it?
Oh! No! No... of course not... it's just I hadn't expected it to be quite so big.
Well, it's not called the Horn Resounding for nothing. You DO know how to play the horn, don't you?
Yes... oh, yes...
But it IS! Look!
Have you done this sort of thing before?
Me? Of course! I've been looting and pillaging up and down the coast.
Looting and pillaging, eh?
Yes.
What about the raping?
Shut up.
It's obvious you haven't raped anyone in your life.
Of course I like women... I LOVE 'em.
You don't love ME.
No... right... this is RAPE... Mark you, I'm not saying I couldn't get to like you... in fact... well, to be quite honest, I prefer it when there's some sort of mutual feeling between two people...
What -- rape?
No. It isn't rape then, is it?
Oh, get it over with.
I don't suppose... no...
What?
I don't suppose you... you DO like me at all?
I'll kill you if you say anything about this to anyone.
About raping me?
About NOT raping you...
You DON'T like it, do you?
Well it just seems a little bit crude, that's all.
What about the killing and looting? That's just as crude, isn't it?
Oh well -- you've GOT to do them.
Why? Why have you got to go round killing and looting?
To pay for the next expedition, of course.
But that's a circular argument! If the only reason for going on an expedition is the killing and looting and the only reason for the killing and looting is to pay for the next expedition, they cancel each other out.
Oh! Stop talking as if we were married!
Well you started it.
I just said I didn't feel like raping you.
Scream.
Ah.
Louder.
Aaagh! Rape!
Thanks for saving me from a fate worse than death.
I didn't mean to!
You told them I raped you -- why?
I dunno... you looked so... so vulnerable...
Why should you care?
Why... should YOU care?
I've come to take you back to the land of the living.
What a stupid idea.
Why?
What's the point of being dead in the land of the living?
Have you tried to ask the God for anything?
Is THAT Odin?
You'll have to wait till he's finished his game.
Why should you care?
FIND the Rainbow Bridge?
"But" what?
But...
Nothing... Halfdan the Black chopped his hand off last night.
What are you talking about?
It's Halfdan the Black!
Erik! Row! What are you doing?
How deep IS the ocean?
Let's hack her to pieces.
What's wrong with making friends?
That's terrible!
Halfdan the Black's here!
I know!
But. You're not even afraid of DEATH, Thorfinn!
It's not magic! It's just a trick!
We're missing all the fun...
What's it all about?
What?
We toil and labor, we loot and pillage, rape and kill... and yet...
You talking piffle, son?
Where does it all get us, Grandpa?
Who have you been talking to?
I met this girl...
It's always the women that start the trouble.
She got me thinking...
I... I... KILLED her...
He can have my place. I don't want to go anyway.
I want to die... No, I don't!
Slower! Nobody can row at that speed!
Slower! In... Out...
Faster!
What are YOU doing here?
Ohh! I wanted to sit next to Leif.
SHUT UP!
Look, the sky is blue...
It's magic.
What "magic"?
What "magic" have you brought, Erik?
What did he say?
You must help us.
We don't HAVE to help anybody.
Fenrir the Wolf covers the sun -- men fight and kill each other the whole time.
Why should WE care?
Because... you're... you're the Gods....
So?
Erik the Viking! The things you seek are not in our power. We don't make men love each other or hate each other.
But you're the Gods!
You mean we'd be dead?
Thank you VERY much indeed.
Now stop it!
It's SO nice to feel wanted.
Leif, you sit there. Even, you sit there. Harald, you'd better sit over there...
You can't have Sven's father sitting next to Sven. They'll argue the whole time.
That's true. You'd better sit there. You there, and Ornulf there.
That's better.
Row!
First we're flying -- now we're sinking!
Listen! Maybe we won't get to Hy- Brasil! Maybe we won't find the Horn Resounding... but at least we've tried... and at least we shall have died like men.
A magic dishcloth.
Weren't we supposed to?
No! Let go, Snorri!
I've got you!
You'll be sucked down too!
There is another way.
Who gets killed?
You need to say a bit more than that!
What's the matter with them?
Just say something cheerful.
I think we should go...
Right. Farewell... for the last time... may the gods prevent...
Wait, Erik!
Bjorn's not. He could have Bjorn's place.
What do you think?
And you, Keitel Blacksmith.
Well, what else do we do?
So Halfdan the Black's using magic, is he? Well, I have a magic to match his!
Don't you see, Erik! She wants revenge!
And you, Sven, aren't you afraid of crossing the Rainbow Bridge to Asgaard?
What are you talking about, Erik?
Only the dead reach Asgaard, Erik.
Nobody's ever crossed the Rainbow Bridge to Asgaard.
But HOW?
Hey, you two! What's going on?
Look, I bagged it last week.
It doesn't matter WHERE you sit!
Yes it does! We could be at sea for months.
Well, what difference does it make where you're SITTING?
I AM one, Dad!
ROW!
She hasn't got any.
Hy-Brasil?
We must blow the first note... he note that will take us to Asgaard...
Sven!
I came to find my grandfather.
Bye, Leif.
Bye... sorry...
Yeah... well...
You will wait?
That's why they call me... Leif the Lucky.
What's all the panic about?
It can't do you any HARM...
What do we have to do?
How did he do that?
Do what?
Vanish into thin air?
He hasn't.
You coming? You don't even believe in Asgaard.
I thought I might do a bit of business on the way.
You're wasting your time.
Listen. I've been in this dump for sixteen years and I haven't made a single convert...
There was Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife. You converted HER.
Thorbjorn Vifilsson's wife became a Buddhist, not a Christian.
Same thing, isn't it?
You know, my son, our lord said...
Your lord.
Quite... MY lord... said: "The Prayer of Faith shall have the sick."
Are you all right?
No, I'm not.
You don't need to feel bad about being sea-sick, you know.
How can you help feeling bad when you're sea-sick?
I know. I know.
Olaf Tryggvason used to throw up on every single voyage... the whole time... non-stop... puke... puke... puke.
He used to puke in his sleep.
Is it sort of... like a sinking feeling in your stomach?
And a sort of slightly sick feeling?
That's it! AND you keep wanting to go to the lavatory.
Oh! Who cares? We're HOME!
Aaagh!
Let me go, Sven.
What are you talking about?
I'm not worth risking your life for.
I've got you, Keitel Blacksmith. If you go... I go too...
For your own sake... For the others... I...
Well! Come on!
Who's that?
It's me. I'm just going to water the dragon...
What?
What are you doing, Keitel Blacksmith?
Get away, Snorri.
Ooh, that's a good one! You could charge Halfdan fifteen for that one.
Yes, it is good. But I told him ten.
You just can't make enough swords and spears and knives and daggers to satisfy the demand. You could charge Halfdan twenty and he'd pay it.
Oh, I couldn't do that! The Blacksmith's Code says...
If this IS the Age of Ragnarok, Keitel Blacksmith, it is GOOD to us.
Can't make enough swords!
Can't make enough axe-heads!
They chase Fenrir the Wolf from the sky...
The Age of Ragnarok ends...
The bottom falls out of the sword business!
It's not just YOUR livelihood that's at stake but your son's, and the livelihood of ALL blacksmiths.
My brother blacksmiths!
That's right.
The Blacksmith's Code says I must...
Honour and protect all blacksmiths.
Together we stand!
Wasn't it, Keitel?
Are you going to let Erik wake the Gods?
Sh! Hurry!
YOU do it!
I can't swim! I can't swim!
Relax!
Urrgh! Argh! Let go, you idiot!
Help!
Help!
Shut up!
She knows it was our fault!
Keep your mouth shut, Keitel!
You've lost your mind.
We came to stop you waking the Gods, Erik! But I didn't want anyone to get hurt!
I should have got rid of you long ago!
Made by YOU, Loki!
By YOU -- Keitel Blacksmith! Don't you know, Erik, that is why he went with you? Ragnarok was good for his business...
It's a tradition.
I know, Dad.
I was a Berserk for King Harald Fairhair...
You went berserk...
I went berserk in every battle I ever fought for King Harald...
So did your father...
So did my father and his father before him.
But it's a responsibility...
But it's a responsibility being a Berserk.
I must only let the red rage...
You must only let the red rage take hold of you in the thick of battle.
We're being attacked! KILL! Kill! Kill!
Not now, Sven...
I must KILL! Kill!
KILL! KILL!
HOLD it! HOLD it in!
Well, of course he is!
There! THAT'S a true Berserk.
Well, go on! Go berserk!
There is nothing we can do...
He drove me mad!
Easy, Dad!
And his "you'll never be a Berserk if you lose your temper"...
Dad!
He's not in Valhalla! He died of old age!
Well I'M certainly not, either.
Well... I'm game.
Shut up.
Thorfinn! You can't die!
I'm not frightened... of anything...
You'll see my grandfather in Valhalla!
No... he's not... not... there...
And you've got BOTH axes?
Yes, Mother.
And something to sharpen them with?
Yes, Mum.
And don't forget: never let your enemy get behind you.
No, Mother.
And keep your sword greased.
And if you have to kill somebody, KILL them! Don't stop to think about it.
I don't know, honey. It's horrible.
Maybe you need to look at this as a sign to move on. Just make a clean break.
You weren't supposed to see that.
They can't erase memories. It's a joke. It's a nasty Clementine hoax.
Thanks, guys.
I hope you feel better, sweetie.
Yeah.
I'm sorry Naomi couldn't make it. You okay? You seem quiet.
I remember you turned around. Your face was dark and your hair was backlit -- I could see a halo of frizz -- you asked me if things were okay between Naomi and me.
I did. You said, things were fine.
I remember.
This is the night you met Clementine, Joel. I remember watching you walk down the beach with her and I thought, oh shit.
Yeah, you told me that later.
Who was the girl you walked off with?
Shit. The last time I saw you.
But I thought, I don't know, I thought it was cool that you were sensitive enough to know what I was feeling and that you were attracted to it.
But, I don't know, maybe we're the normal ones, y'know? I mean, what kind of people do well at this stuff?
And I just liked you so much.
No, it was lovely.
May I help you?
Yeah, hi, I have a one o'clock with Dr. Mierzwiak. Clementine Kruczynski.
Ms. Kruczynski?
How are you today?
Okay, I guess.
I just thought I'd say hi. I was in the neighborhood.
You were not.
Come over after I'm done here?
I can't. I want to, but I have to study.
You rat.
It's so cool. You're by far the most sensational person in the room.
In the room?
Oh, baby, what's going on?
I don't know. I'm lost. I'm scared. I feel like I'm disappearing. I'm getting old and nothing makes any sense to me.
Oh, Tangerine.
Come up to Boston with me?
Sure. We'll go next weekend and --
Now. Now! I have to go now. I have to see the frozen Charles! Now! Tonight!
Um, okay. I'll call my study partner.
I'm so excited. Yay!
I didn't have a chance to wrap it.
What's wrong with me?
How are you today?
Okay, I guess.
Well, I've been having a bad time of it with um, my boyfriend, I guess.
You guess he's your boyfriend? Or you guess you're having a bad time with him?
Maybe gay isn't the right word. But, anyway, it's been rough with him... whatever the fuck he is. Heheh. My significant other... heh heh. And I guess on a certain level, I want to break it off, but I feel... y'know... it's like this constant questioning and re questioning. Do I end it? Should I give it more time? I'm not happy, but what
I'm sorry.
Why?
Why what?
Why are you sorry? I just said hi.
Really?
Well, I didn't want to assume.
Aw, c'mon, live dangerously. Take the leap and assume someone is talking to you in an otherwise empty car.
It's okay if I sit closer? So I don't have to scream. Not that I don't need to scream sometimes, believe me. But I don't want to bug you if you're trying to write or something.
No, I mean, I don't know. I can't really think of much to say probably.
I mean, it's okay if you want to sit down here. I didn't mean to --
No, I don't want to bug you if you're trying to --
It's okay, really.
Just, you know, to chat a little, maybe. I have a long trip ahead of me. How far are you going? On the train, I mean, of course.
Rockville Center.
Get out! Me too! What are the odds?
The weirder part is I think actually I recognize you. I thought that earlier in the diner. That's why I was looking at you. You work at Borders, right?
Ucch, really? You're kidding. God. Bizarre small world, huh? Yeah, that's me: book slave there for, like, five years now.
Really? Because --
Jesus, is it five years? I gotta quit right now.
-- because I go there all the time. I don't think I ever saw you before.
Well, I'm there. I hide in the back as much as is humanly possible. You have a cell phone? I need to quit right this minute. I'll call in dead.
I don't have one.
I'll go on the dole. Like my daddy before me.
I noticed your hair. I guess it made an impression on me, that's why I was pretty sure I recognized you.
Ah, the hair. Blue, right? It's called Blue Ruin. The color. Snappy name, huh?
I like it.
Blue ruin is cheap gin in case you were wondering.
Yeah. Tom Waits says it in --
Exactly! Tom Waits. Which song?
I can't remember.
Anyway, this company makes a whole line of colors with equally snappy names. Red Menace, Yellow Fever, Green Revolution. That'd be a job, coming up with those names. How do you get a job like that? That's what I'll do. Fuck the dole.
I don't really know how --
Purple Haze, Pink Eraser.
You think that could possibly be a full time job? How many hair colors could there be?
Someone's got that job. Agent Orange! I came up with that one. Anyway, there are endless color possibilities and I'd be great at it.
I'm sure you would.
My writing career! Your hair written by Clementine Kruczynski. The Tom Waits album is Rain Dogs.
You sure? That doesn't sound --
I think. Anyway, I've tried all their colors. More than once. I'm getting too old for this. But it keeps me from having to develop an actual personality. I apply my personality in a paste. You?
Oh, I doubt that's the case.
Well, you don't know me, so... you don't know, do you?
Sorry. I was just trying to be nice.
My name's Clementine, by the way.
I'm Joel.
No jokes about my name? Oh, you wouldn't do that; you're trying to be nice.
I don't know any jokes about your name.
Huckleberry Hound?
I don't know what that means.
Huckleberry Hound! What, are you nuts?
I'm not nuts.
Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Clementine? No?
Sorry. It's a pretty name, though. It means "merciful", right?
Yeah. Although it hardly fits. I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told.
See, I wouldn't think that about you.
Why wouldn't you think that about me?
Oh. I don't know. I was just... I don't know. I was... You seemed nice, so --
Now I'm nice? Don't you know any other adjectives? There's careless and snotty and overbearing and argumentative... mumpish.
I don't need nice. I don't need myself to be it and I don't need anyone else to be it at me.
Okay.
Joel? It's Joel, right?
Yes?
I'm sorry I... yelled at you. Was it yelling? I can't really tell. Whatever, I'm a little out of sorts today.
That's okay.
My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice. Right now, anyway. I can't tell from one moment to the next what I'm going to like. But right now I'm glad you said, "that's okay" to me. That was nice of you.
It's no problem. Anyway, I have some stuff I need to --
Oh, okay. Well, sure, I'll just... Take care, then.
Probably see you at the book store.
Hi. I could give you a ride if you need.
No, that's okay. Thanks, though.
You're sure? It's cold.
I don't want to take you out of your way.
It's okay.
Where do you live?
You're not a stalker or anything, right?
Well, I probably wouldn't say if I were, but no.
You can't be too careful. I've been stalked. I've been told I'm highly stalkable. I don't need that.
I'm not a stalker.
You know Wilmont?
Yeah.
Look, I'm very sorry I came off sort of nutso. I'm not really.
So you like bookstores, huh?
I like to read.
Me too. It is Rain Dogs, by the way.
Yeah? I can't remember that album very well. I remember liking it. But --
The song's 9th and Hennepin. I spent most of the train ride trying to remember. "Till you're full of rag water and bitters and blue ruin/And you spill out/Over the side to anyone who'll listen." Remember?
Sort of, um...
Remember? "And you take on the dreams of the ones who have slept there/And I'm lost in the window/I hide on the stairway/I hang in the curtain/I sleep in your hat..." Oh, shit. I'm so stupid. Sorry.
What?
Thanks very much. That was very nice of you.
Well, I wouldn't want to be --
Take care.
Hey, do you want to have a drink? I have lots of drinks. And I could --
Um --
You like that?
Very much.
Thanks. That was good, that crow sound.
Do you believe in that stuff? Reincarnation?
I don't know.
Me neither. Oh, there's an inscription on the back. The way a crow/Shook down on me/The dust of snow/From a hemlock tree/Has given my heart/A change of mood/And saved some part/Of a day I rued.
Frost?
Yeah. I'm not, like, a Robert Frost lover by any stretch. His stuff seems strictly grade school to me. But this made me cry for some reason. Maybe because it is grade school. Y'know?
It's pretty.
I miss grade school. I don't know why I'm calling it grade school all of a sudden. When I went we called it elementary school. But I like grade school better. Sounds like something someone from the forties would call it. I'd like to be from then. Everyone wore hats. Anyway, cheers!
God, that feels so fucking good. Take yours off.
I'm fine.
Ready for another?
What do you want to hear?
You pick it.
You just say. I'm not really --
Well, I should probably get going.
No, stay. Just for a little while. Refill?
No. I --
Thanks.
Y'know, I'm sort of psychic.
Yeah?
Well, I go to a psychic and she's always telling me I'm psychic. She should know. Do you believe in that stuff?
I don't know.
Me neither. But sometimes I have premonitions, so, I don't know. Maybe that's just coincidence. Right? Y'know, you think something and then it happens, or you think a word and then someone says it? Y'know?
Yeah, I don't know. It's hard to know.
Exactly. Exactly! That's exactly my feeling about it. It's hard to know. Like, okay, but how many times do I think something and it doesn't happen? That's what you're saying, right? You forget about those times. Right?
Yeah, I guess.
But I think I am. I like to think I am.
It's helpful to think there's some order to things. You're kind of closed mouthed, aren't you?
Sorry. My life isn't that interesting. I go to work. I go home. I don't know what to say.
Oh. Does that make you sad? Or anxious? I'm always anxious thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest, y'know? Taking advantage of every possibility? Just making sure that I'm not wasting one second of the little time I have.
You're really nice. I'm sorry I yelled at you before about it. God, I'm an idiot.
I do have a tendency to use that word too much.
I like you. That's the thing about my psychic thing. I think that's my greatest psychic power, that I get a sense about people. My problem is I never trust it. But I get it. And with you I get that you're a really good guy.
Thanks.
And, anyway, you sell yourself short. I can tell. There's a lot of stuff going on in your brain. I can tell. My goal... can I tell you my goal?
Yeah.
What's the goal, Joel? My goal, Joel, is to just let it flow through me? Do you know what I mean? It's like, there's all these emotions and ideas and they come quick and they change and they leave and they come back in a different form and I think we're all taught we should be consistent. Y'know? You love someone -- that's it.
Yeah. I think so. It's hard to --
Like I wanted to talk to you. I didn't need any more reason to do it. Who knows what bigger cosmic reason might exist?
Yeah.
You're very nice. God, I have to stop saying that. You're nervous around me, huh?
No.
I'm nervous. You don't need to be nervous around me, though. I like you. Do you think I'm repulsively fat?
No, not at all.
Well, for the last week, anyway! He's kind of a kid. Kind of a goofball, but he's really stuck on me, which is flattering. Who wouldn't like that? And he's, like, a dope, but he says these smart and moving things sometimes, out of nowhere, that just break my heart. He's the one who gave me that crow photograph.
Oh, yeah.
That made me cry. But, anyway, we went up to Boston, because I had this urge to lie on my back on the Charles River. It gets frozen this time of year.
That's scary sounding.
Exactly! I used to do it in college and I had this urge to go do it again, so I got Patrick and we drove all night to get there and he was sweet and said nice things to me, but I was really disappointment to be there with him. Y'know? And that's where psychic stuff comes in. Like, it just isn't right with
I think so.
I don't believe in that soulmate crap anymore, but... he says so many great things. We like the same writers. This writer Stephen Dixon he turned me on to. And he's cute. It's fucked up. Joel, you should come up to the Charles with me sometime.
Okay.
I'll pack a picnic -- a night picnic -- night picnics are different -- and --
Sounds good. But right now I should go.
You should stay.
I have to get up early in the morning tomorrow, so...
I would like you to call me. Would you do that? I would like that.
So, I enjoyed meeting you.
You'll call me, right?
Yeah.
When?
Tomorrow?
Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines and all.
How could she have done this to me? How could anyone do this to anyone?
Yo ho ho!
I can't believe you wrecked my car. You're driving drunk. It's pathetic.
...a little. I was a little tipsy. Don't call me pathetic.
I don't know, maybe you did kill somebody.
A wino? Jesus, Are you from the fifties? A wino! Face it, Joel. You're freaked out because I was out late without you, and in your little wormy brain, you're trying to figure out, did she fuck someone tonight?
Let me drive you home.
Fuck you, Joel. Faggot.
How can you watch this crap?
Where are you going?
Oh shit. I remember this. Want to go?
I want to have a baby.
Let's talk about it later.
No. I want to have a baby. I have to have a baby.
I don't think we're ready.
You're not ready.
What?!
I don't want to talk about this here.
You can't fucking say something like that and say you don't want to talk about it!
Clem, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have --
Oh, thank God. It's going.
So, um --
You're drunk.
You don't tell me things, Joel. I'm an open book. I tell you everything. Every damn embarrassing thing. You don't trust me.
No, it isn't that.
I want to know you.
I just don't have anything very interesting about my life.
More?
Joely...
Yeah, Tangerine?
Do you know The Velveteen Rabbit?
No.
Such a beautiful view.
Yes indeed. Fuck! They're erasing you, Clem!
Oh?
I hired them to. We're in my brain. But I want it to stop, before I wake up and don't know you anymore.
Wow. Um, well... can't you just force yourself awake?
What if you hide me?
What do you mean?
I want my mommy. I don't want to lose you, Clem.
I'm right here.
I'm scared. I want my mommy. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose...
You know, we're okay. They're not finding us. You'll remember me in the morning. And you'll come to me and tell me about us and we'll start over.
You remember what happened next?
I came over to the bed and you smelled so good, like you just woke up, slightly sweaty. And I climbed on the bed with you and you said something like --
There's this guy!
What?
There's this guy. I heard him talking in my apartment. He's one of the eraser guys. And he fell for you when they were erasing you, so he introduced himself the next day as if he were a stranger and now you're dating him.
Really? Is he cute?
He stole a pair of your panties while you were being erased!
But can't you see... I love you, Antoine.
Don't call me Antoine. My name is Wally.
They found us before. The plan didn't work. I don't know what to do now.
Look at you, cutey! What are we doing?
Joel!
Happy Birthday.
I scoured the city for it.
I'm done, Clem. I'm just going to ride it out. Hiding is clearly not working.
Yeah.
I want to enjoy my little time left with you.
This is our first "date" date.
Do you remember what we talked about?
Naomi, I guess.
Yeah.
What was I wearing?
God, I should know. Your hair was red. I remember it matched the wallpaper.
Egad, were you horrified?
Right. Something black though.
I'll buy that. Black's always good.
We did talk about Naomi.
I said: Are you sure? You seem unsure.
I'm sure, I said.
But you weren't. I could tell.
I thought I was foolish. I thought I'd mistaken infatuation for love. You said:
So what. Infatuation is good, too.
I dropped you off after. You said --
Come up and see me... now.
It's very late.
I told her today I need to end it.
Is that what you want?
I didn't think you'd show your face around me again. I figured you were humiliated. You did run away, after all.
Sorry to track you down like this. I'm not a stalker. But I needed to see you.
Yeah?
I'd like to... take you out or something.
Well, you're married.
Not yet. Not married.
Look, man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high maintenance. So I'm not going to tiptoe around your marriage or whatever it is you got going there. If you want to be with me, you're with me.
Okay.
Joel, I'm not a concept. I want you to just keep that in your head. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked-up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
I remember that speech really well.
I had you pegged, didn't I?
You had the whole human race pegged.
Probably.
I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that.
I know.
It would be different, if we could just give it another go around.
Hi there.
You said...
I saw you sitting over here. By yourself. I thought, thank God, someone normal, who doesn't know how interact at these things either.
Yeah. I don't ever know what to say.
I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that. I mean, I don't mean I'm happy you're uncomfortable, but, yknow... I'm such a loser. Every time I come to a party I tell myself I'm going to be different and it's always exactly the same and then I hate myself after for being such a clod.
You know what I did.
Yeah, I know. I'm fishing.
I'm Clementine. Can I borrow a piece of your chicken?
Oh God, how horrid.
You mean, like... Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin', Clementine... ? Huckleberry Hound? That sort of thing?
Yeah, like that.
This is it, Joel. It's gonna be gone soon.
I know.
What do we do?
No, I stopped. I didn't want to feel like I was being artificially modulated.
I know what you mean. That's why I stopped.
But my sleeping is really fucked up.
I don't think I've slept in a year.
You should try Xanax. I mean, it's a chemical and all, but it works... and it works just having it around, knowing that it's there. Like insurance.
yeah?
I'll give you a couple. See what you think.
Okay.
Have you ever read any Anna Akhmatova?
I love her.
Really? Me, too! I don't meet people who even know who she is and I work in a book store.
I think she's great.
Me too. There's this poem --
Did this conversation come before or after we saw the house?
I think, before.
Seems too coincidental that way.
Do you know her poem that starts "Seaside gusts of wind,/And a house in which we don't live...
Yeah, yeah. It goes "Perhaps there is someone in this world to whom I could send all these lines"?
I wish we did. You married?
Um, no.
I do sort of live with somebody though.
Male or female?
Female.
Cool.
What are you doing?
C'mon, man. The water's fine. Nobody's coming here tonight, believe me. This place is closed up. Electricity's off.
I hesitated for what seemed like forever.
I knew.
I knew by your nervousness that Naomi wasn't the kind of girl who forced you to criminally trespass.
It's dark.
Yeah. What's your girlfriend's name?
Ah-ha! Now I can look for candles, matches, and the liquor cabinet.
I think we should go.
So go.
I did. I walked out the door. I felt like I was a scared little kid. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation. You said, "so go" with such disdain.
What if you stay this time?
I walked out the door. There's no more memory.
Bye, Joel.
So you'll call me, right?
Yeah.
When?
Tomorrow?
Tonight. Just to test out the phone lines.
Don't worry. It's really solid this time of year.
I don't know. What if it breaks?
I think I should go back.
Listen, did you want to make love?
Make love?
Have sex. Y'know --
Oh, um...
Because I just am not drunk enough or stoned enough to make that happen right now.
That's okay. I --
I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that. This seems like the perfect romantic exotic place to do it and --
Hey, Joel --
-- and I'm just too nervous around you right now.
I'm nervous, too.
Yeah? I wouldn't have thought that.
Well, you obviously don't know me.
Says you were closed off, non communicative, never told me what you were feeling.
Says you were a bully...
A bully? Moi?
That's what it says. You drank too much, you picked on me for being passive and timid.
Well, sounds like me. Sorry, man. Says you were jealous and suspicious.
Says you would sometimes disappear all night, then brag to me about your sexual conquests.
Did I use the term "sexual conquests" or is that your way of putting it.
I don't know.
Doesn't sound like me.
Says you were a slob, leaving trails of panties and dirty socks in your wake.
Says you were constantly calling me a slob. It's sexy that we were like a married couple, griping and overly-familiar and bored. Don't you think?
I sort of do. But I only see it as a fantasy version of reality. Cleaned up enough to be erotic.
You're still excited by my irreverence. You haven't yet started to think of it as my "gratuitous need to shock."
I can't stop thinking about you.
Yay. Meet me after work by the old mill.
What old mill? Is that somewhere we --
What took you so long?
I just walked in.
Hmmm. Do you miss me?
Oddly enough, I do.
Ha Ha! You said, I do. I guess that means we're married.
I guess so.
Yeah?
Did you send this? Is it a joke?
I probably got the same thing as you.
I mean, I haven't even told anyone I've met you. Who would even know to do this?
Maybe it's true then. It's my voice on the tape.
It's true.
Look, I have to go. I have to think.
Hi, it's Joel.
Hey, lover. Whatcha doing?
I'm just, y'know, passing the time best I can till I can see you.
God, I can't believe I ever hated you.
You must have been crazy.
Guess what I'm wearing.
I don't know. Panties and --
Your dried cum.
Hi, Naomi, it's Joel.
Hi.
How's it going?
Good. I called you at work today. They said you were home sick.
I know. I had to take the day to think.
Yeah, I tried you at home. Did you get my message?
I just got in.
That's me.
It was snowing.
The driver waved. So casual, friendly.
I might be making a mistake.
Maybe I'm making a mistake. Maybe I just need to learn to live with this. First of all, I'll get over it. Secondly, it happened. Those who do not remember history are condemned to repeat it. Who said that? Churchill? I'm not sure. But I don't care. She did it to me. I have to rid myself of this. Fuck her.
Pink. There was a number on it. I remember. AL 1718? I have to follow through with this. I have no choice.
It's them.
I should maybe talk to you.
I love you and if you knew that... if I told you what happened... I'll explain everything, what we meant to each other. I'll tell you everything about our time together. You'll know everything again and...
Clementine.
Gotta get home. How could she do this to me? How could she not care about what we meant to each other. What a fuck! What a fucking monster she is!
So then she just stops calling.
I wasn't going to call her. Not after the way she was.
Right! She called me an old lady here, too! And I remember, I said...
How's the chicken?
She's so sexy.
I can't. I have to go home. I'll do it later.
Naomi.
Okay. I wish you could come.
Your back to me. In that orange sweatshirt I would come to know so well and even hate eventually. At the time I thought, how cool, an orange sweatshirt.
I remember being drawn to you even then. I thought, I love this woman because she's alone down there looking out at the black ocean.
So you're still on the Zoloft?
Clementine.
I really should go. I really need to catch my ride.
We'll start with your most recent memories and go backwards -- There is an emotional core to each of our memories -- As we eradicate this core, it starts its degradation process -- By the time you wake up in the morning, all memories we've targeted will have withered and disappeared. Like a dream upon waking.
Is there any sort of risk of brain damage?
I'm sorry you saw one of our notification cards. You never should have.
Well... I did.
We can help you through this. Why don't you start now by telling me everything you can remember about your relationship with Clementine.
We can help you through this. Why don't you start now by telling me everything you can remember about --
You have to stop this!
What? What do you mean?
I'm trapped in my head and everything I love is being erased! Stop it now!
Yours?
Naomi, I really value our relationship. I hope it's possible for us to stay in touch.
So what's going on, Joel?
I don't know, I've just been thinking, maybe we're not happy with each other.
What?
Y'know, we've been, I don't know, sort of, unhappy with each other and --
Don't say "we" when you mean "you."
I think maybe, we're both so used to operating at this level that -- How can one person be unhappy? If one person is unhappy, both have to be... by definition.
Bullshit. Who is it? You met someone.
No. I just need some space, maybe.
The thing is, Joel, whatever it is you think you have with this chick, once the thrill wears off, you're just going to be Joel with the same fucking problems.
Hi.
Hi.
How was it?
You didn't miss much. Rob and Carrie say hello.
Hi, Rob and Carrie.
Yeah. Come to bed. I'm cold.
So you don't mind?
Say hi to Rob and Carrie. Have some fun!
I hope you get your work done.
So... you haven't been involved with anyone in all this time?
It's been a pretty lonely couple of years.
I'm sorry.
Well, it was my fault -- the break- up. I'm sorry.
Oh, sweetie. It really does cut both ways. We were taking each other for granted and --
I miss you.
Miss you, too. I have been seeing someone for a little while.
Oh! Great. That's great!
A religion instructor at Columbia. A good guy. He's a good guy.
I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have --
So you think the dissertation will get published?
Okay, Joel. I suppose you're right.
I had a good time last night. I really did.
So I'm going to get some sleep. I'm glad you're okay.
We'll speak soon.
Oh, hey, Patrick.
Oh, Patrick, you didn't want any, did you?
I love quotes. So did Winston Churchill. He actually has a quotation in Bartlett's about Bartlett's. Isn't that trippy?
Yeah. Cool.
"The quotations when engraved upon the memory give you good thoughts."
Very cool. Trippy.
Definitely!
Boo.
Stan... c'mon...
Sorry. I just --
It's just... y'know... I mean...
I know. Anyway --
See you later, alligator.
'kay.
Hey, if you're ordering lunch for Mierzwiak, would you --
It's freezing out.
You found us okay?
Yeah. Poor guy. Have anything to drink?
We haven't checked.
Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil. Found it my Bartletts.
That's a good one.
Yeah, I can't wait to tell Howard! It seems really appropriate.
Yup.
Don't you think Howard's like that? Smart? Important?
Let him go, Stan. I can help.
It's amazing, isn't it? Such a gift Howard gave the world.
Yeah.
To let people begin again. It's beautiful. You look at a baby and it's so fresh, so clean, so free. And adults... they're like this messy tangle of anger and phobias and sadness... hopelessness. And Howard just makes it go away.
It's stopped.
What?
It's not erasing. He's off the screen.
Where?
I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do! Crap. Crap...
Well, what should we do?
I don't know! I just said that!
Sor-ry We have to do something. He can't wake up half done.
No way. I can handle this.
He's coming?
You better go.
Hey.
Do you swear you didn't know?
I swear.
And you never even suspected? Never saw us behaving in any unusual way together?
It was here. At his car. I was coming back from a job and spotted you together. You seemed caught. I waved. You giggled.
How did I look?
And after that?
I really like you, Mary. You know that.
Do you remember anything else? What I was wearing? Was I standing close to him? Was I leaning against his car like I owned it? How did he look at me when I giggled? Tell me everything.
You were in red. That red sweater with the little flowers, I think. You were leaning against his car. He looked a little like a kid. Kind of goofy and wide-eyed. I'd never seen him look like that before. Happy. You looked beautiful. You looked in love.
Oh.
Hi.
What do you want, Stan?
What's this?
Nothing.
I know what it is.
Then why did you ask me?
I don't know. I just -- there are a lot of really confused people showing up at the office.
Mary, people come to him voluntarily.
I won't allow it. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. What do you think of that? That's from my quote book.
The office is filled with people who want their memories re-erased.
Remember the Alamo! Remember the Alamo!
Howard, your one o'clock.
Mary...
Yes?
Order me a pastrami for after?
Cole slaw, ice tea?
Thanks.
Okay, we're back in.
That was beautiful to watch, Howard. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist.
Do you like quotes, Howard?
How do you mean?
Oh, um, like famous quotes. I find reading them inspirational to me. And in my reading I've come across some I thought you might like, too.
Okay, um, there's one that goes "Blessed are the forgetful, for they get the better even of their blunders."
Is that Nietzsche?
Yeah, yeah it is, Howard. And here I was thinking I could tell you something you didn't know.
There's another one I like, I read. It's by Pope Alexander.
Alexander Pope?
Yes, shit. Oops, sorry! Sorry. It's just I told myself I wasn't going to say Pope Alexander and sound like a dope and then I go ahead and do it. Like I psyched myself out.
It's no big deal.
That's lovely.
Really? I thought it was appropriate maybe. That's all. I really admire the work that you do. I know it's not proper to be so familiar but I guess since we're outside the workplace I feel a certain liberty to --
It's fine, Mary. I'm happy to hear it.
I've loved you for a very long time. I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that.
I've got a wife, Mary. Kids. You know that.
We can't do this.
What, Howard?
Thanks. So... do we talk about this... or what?
I don't know what I'm supposed say, Mary. I want to do the right thing here.
Do you love me? Did you love me? Something. I listened to my tape. I can't believe I've been sitting right in front of it for a year. It's like listening to someone else's story. I mean, I hear myself talking about having sex with you and I can't even imagine you naked. I can't even say "naked" to you!
I have a family, Mary.
You made me have an abortion.
It was a mutual decision.
You made me have you erased! I loved you. I love you! How could you --
Stan? What's going on?
The guy we're doing? He's disappeared from the map. I can't find him anywhere.
Okay, what happened right before he disappeared?
I was away from the monitor for a second. I had it on automatic. I had to go pee.
Well, where was Patrick?
He went home sick.
Jesus. All right, what's the address.
Ah, your journal. This will be invaluable.
Mary. What are you doing here?
I tried that already.
Did you try going through C-Gate?
You get some sleep, Howard. I'll take it from here.
Howard, they've disappeared again.
I'll go out for a smoke. If no one minds.
So, I've got to drop the van off.
She should not have done this, Stan. As mad as she was... as justifiably --
I don't know what you're talking about, Howard.
Mary has stolen our files and is sending them back to people.
Oh, hi.
Hi, I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd see --
I think he's in a conference. Unfortunately. I'm really sorry.
Would you just try him? You never know. As long as I'm here. You never know.
This book -- It's essential that people read it because -- -- It's the truth. And only I know it.
The voltage looks fine.
Does that help?
It's an apartment.
Not a dump, then, but kind of plain. Uninspired. And there's a stale smell. Sort of stuffy. I don't know. Stuffy.
Patrick, let's just get through this. We have a long night ahead of us.
Yeah?
Just wanted to let you know.
I like Mary. I like when she comes to visit. I just don't think she likes me.
She likes you okay.
I wonder if I should invite my girlfriend over, too. I have a girlfriend now.
You can if you want.
Did I tell you I have a new girlfriend?
This one's history. Moving on...
The thing is... my situation is a little weird. My girlfriend situation.
I gotta tell you something. I kind of fell in love with her last night.
She was unconscious, Patrick.
She was beautiful. So sweet and funky and voluptuous. I kind of stole a pair of her panties, is what.
Mary hates me. I've never been popular with the ladies.
Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties.
What's your bartlett's?
Hold on. Let me ask my friend. Stan, can I leave for a little while? My girlfriend is very --
Patrick, we're in the middle of --
I can handle it. He's pretty much on auto-pilot anyway.
I'm a friend of Bonanza Jellybean's.
I know who you are.
Oh? Well, there's been some trouble on the ranch. I came up here to get out of the way. It's so dark now I doubt if I could find my way back down. If you could help...
But I don't know how to polka.
What was that?
Clockworks.
The Clockworks is one reason that I am here on Siwash Ridge. I accepted the invitation to be initiated as a shaman by an aged Siwash chief who was the principle outside confederate of the Clock People.
Siwash, huh?
But unlike the clockworks of the Clock People, my ticks more accurately echo the ticks of the universe.... ......ha ha ho ho and hee hee.
During the Second World War I busted out of Tule Lake detention camp; as a Japanese-American, I had been put there and watched over. I found refuge with the Clock People, who discovered me in a snow bank, near dead, I had been climbing across the Sierra Nevada mountains.
Then if you are Japanese, then why are you called the Chink?
What do you believe in then?
Is everything getting worse?
Yes, everything is getting worse. But everything is also getting better.
I want to go back to the Clock People. I kind of miss those fool redskins and wonder what they're up to. What's happened to Jelly?
She had a one way-ticket to Kansas City.
But that's an old story now...... I can't believe that you would leave the Butte.
Well, if the Clock People give you any inside information on the end of the world, drop us a postcard.
Suppose that you bear five or six children with your characteristics. All in Siwash Cave. In a postcatastrophe world, your offspring would of necessity intermarry, forming in time a tribe. A tribe every member of which had giant thumbs. A tribe of Big Thumbs would relate to the environment in very special ways. It could not use weapons or produce sophisticated tools. It would
How am I going to be the progenitor of a tribe when I'm living on an isolated ridgetop with Delores?
Where do you live, Miss Hankshaw?
I'm staying with the Countess.
I know, but where do you reside when you aren't visiting New York?
I don't.
You don't?
A traveler, eh?
Where are the others?
Welcome, podner. By God, it's great to have you here. It's an honor. Sorry I took so long getting to you, but we've had a mess of hard work these past few days -- and a heap of planning to do.
Er, you seem to know who I am, and maybe even what I am. Thanks for the breakfast.
No, I'm afraid that part isn't true. Jack was in awe of me and tracked me down. We spent a night talking and hugging in a corn field, but he was hardly my lover. Besides, I always travel alone.
Tell me about it.
About...
About being a cowgirl. What's it all about? When you say the word you make it sound like it was painted in radium on the side of a pearl.
You're political, then?
Did that last comment sound too profound to be coming outta my mouth? It's not original. It's something I picked up from the Chink.
Really? The Chink, huh? I've gathered that you sometimes speak with him. What else have you learned from the Chink?
......Delores zonks out on peyote at least once a week, but so far her Third Vision hasn't happened. Niwetükame, the Mother Goddess has not gotten back in touch with her. Meanwhile she and Debbie are rivaling each other like a couple of crosstown high schools. Tension. Cowgirl tension! What a drag.
What is Debbie's position?
Debbie says that if women are to take charge again, they must do it in the feminine way; they mustn't resort to aggressive and violent masculine methods. She says it is up to women to show themselves better than men, to love men, set good examples for them and guide them tenderly toward the New Age. She's a real dreamer, that Debbie-dear.
You don't agree with Debbie, then?
That's Jellybean!
Looks like every time we get together things are in a mess.
So be it. It looks serious this time, though. All these guns... are you actually prepared to kill and die for whooping cranes?
Hell no, the cranes are wonderful, okay, but I'm not in this for whooping cranes. I'm in it for cowgirls. If we cowgirls give in to authority on this crane issue, then cowgirls become just another compromise. I want a finer fate than that -- for me and for every other cowgirl. Better no cowgirls at all than cowgirls compromised.
No, I guess not.
'Drugged' is a stupid word.
Every time I tell you that I love you, you flinch. But that's your problem.
Extraordinary!
She's obviously that. Jesus! Which would you rather have, a million dollars or one of Sissy's thumbs full of pennies?
Oh, you! I'm not talking about her hands. They're difficult to ignore, I confess, but I'm speaking of her whole being. Her whole being is extraordinary. The way she talks, for example. She's so articulate.
It's high time you realized, honey babe, that a woman doesn't have to give the best years of her life to Radcliffe or Smith in order to speak the English language.
Countess. I'm really in a dither. She's turned my head.
Ninety degrees to the left, I hope. How does she feel about you?
I think she's disappointed that I'm not more, ah, sort of atavistic. She's got some naive, sentimental notions about Indians. I'm sure she liked me, though; but.... then she left town.
How does she like what in bed?
What do you think?
Well.... er...
Shit O dear, Julian. Do you mean to tell me you didn't get it on?
Oh, we didn't get it all the way on.
Whose fault was that?
I suppose it was mine. Yes, it definitely was my fault.
What do they do to you boys in those Ivy league schools, anyway? Strap you down and pump the Nature out of you? They can even press the last drop of Nature out of a Mohawk buck. Why, send a shaman or cannibal to Yale for four years and all he'd be fit for would be a desk in the military-industrial complex and a
If we Ivy Leaguers aren't earthy enough to suit you hillbillies, at least we don't go around indulging in racist terms such as 'Chink.' Next thing I know, you'll be calling me 'chief.'
Chink's the guy's name, for Christ's sake.
What guy?
I'm cold.
Here. I'll turn down the air conditioner.
What are you doing?
Getting dressed. I've got to go.
But I don't want you to leave. Please stay. We can go to dinner. I owe you a dinner. And tonight... we can... really make love.
I have to go, Julian.
Why? Why do you have to go?
Going north?
Thanks.
Are you in show business?
I was a successful model once.
For magazines?
I was the Yoni Yum feminine-hygiene Dew girl from 1965 to 1970, but got laid off.
So now you're bummin' around?
Yep.
Hitchhiking?
I'm the best.
You're the best?
When I was younger, I hitchhiked one hundred and twenty-seven hours without stopping, without food or sleep, crossed the continent twice in six days, cooled my thumbs in both oceans and caught rides after midnight on unlighted highways.
Whooee!
To my own special Sissy. Cheers! And welcome. So my letter brought ya flying, eh? Where were you? Salt Lake City? La Conner? Well, I may have a little surprise for you. But first, tell me about yourself. It's been six months, hasn't it? In some circles that's half a year. How are you?
Tired...
That's the very first time in the eons that I've known you that I've ever heard you complain. And now you're tired, poor darling.
A born freak can only go uphill.
Freak, schmeek. Most of us are freaks in one way or another. Try being born a male Russian countess into a white middle class Baptist family in Mississippi and you'll see what I mean.
I've always been proud of the way nature singled me out. It's the people who have been deformed by society I feel sorry for. I've been steady moving for eleven years and some months. Maybe I should rest up for a spell, I'm not as young as I used to be.
Shit O goodness, you won't be thirty for another year, and you're more beautiful than ever.
You were the Yoni Yum girl from, let's see, from nineteen sixty-eight through nineteen seventy. You've always smelled so nice. Like a little sister. The irony has just killed me. You, the Dew Girl, one of the few girls who doesn't need Dew. I loath the stink of females! They are so sweet the way God made them, then they start fooling around with
Bonanza Jellybean?
She's a young thing who works on my ranch. Real name is Sally Jones or something wooden like that. She's cute as a hot fudge taco, and, of course, it takes verve to change one's name so charmingly. But she stinks like a slut just the same.
Your ranch?
Sissy, Sissy, blushing bride, you can desist from wearing paths in those forgotten highways. The Countess has arranged a job for you. And what a job...
A job for me?