Avoidant (I’m okay, you’re not okay) Loses or destroys property I have no of the value of anything. I have little interest in things if they are not mine. I am and I take it out on things. If I disrupt the class, I might be able to escape. I’m not as good as the others don’t really want me here. Validate the child’s feelings “I can see you are angry” – emotion coaching. Help the child to repair/restore where possible – together. Restorative justice approaches. Accept that the child may not know why they behaved the way they did and they might not remember what happened, as they were surviving a dangerous situation. Attachment style Behaviour What it to the child What might you do? Avoidant (I’m okay, you’re not okay) Freeze Unable to accept praise or have fun I am not worthy of praise and you are stupid if you do not realise how bad I am. I am a failure and not worth bothering about. I feel humiliated and embarrassed. Do praise, do not be too effusive and be specific the work, behaviour or achievement you are praising. Giving praise privately might be more acceptable. Thumbs up or subtle indications that they have done well could be more acceptable. Attachment style Behaviour What it means to the child What might you do? Avoidant (I’m okay, you’re not okay) Physically or verbally abusive I respond to frightening or threatening situations by fighting, freezing or fleeing. Avoid threat of removal or rejection. “Time in” not “Time out”. If unavoidable, have them taken to a safe person or safe space (secondary attachment figure). Speculate out loud why it might have happened (emotion coaching), and do not expect the child to -
explain or to say sorry). Attachment style Behaviour What it means to the child What might you do? Avoidant (I’m okay, you’re not okay) Sulkiness and avoids eye contact I don’t dare see what others think. I have no words to describe my feelings – looking sulky is a cover up. I am a failure. I hate myself. I am scared. Emotion coaching – out loud what emotions the child may be experiencing. Build relationship by engaging through the task. Opportunities for building trust with an adult. Allowing relative dependency with fun activities where the child has to follow the lead of the adult. Attachment style Behaviour What it means to the child What you do? Avoidant (I’m okay, you’re not okay) Want to do tasks autonomously, and dislikes teacher proximity or input. I see relationships as dangerous and intrusive. I am not worth much, if anything at all. I must not tell anyone how I feel. Build relationships and build this through the task, allowing the young person to have a locus of control, plus peer marking and Allowing relative dependency with fun activities the child has to follow the lead of the adult. Attachment style Behaviour What this means for the child What might you do? Ambivalent (I’m not okay, you’re okay) Labelled manipulative and may become isolated from peers. I tell lies because sometimes I don’t know what is real and what isn’t. I have to protect myself by any means, I am always fearful. activities and role play different social situations. Circle of Friends. Accept that the child may not know why they said what they did and they might not remember what happened. Attachment Behaviour What this means for the child What you do?