“You have such a pretty face.” 81 “I never owned slaves.” 82 “If you are going to live in this country, learn to speak the language!” 83 “She/he is a good person. She/he didn’t mean anything by it.” 85 “When I’ve said the same thing to other people like you, they didn’t mind.” 86 Calling women “Girls, Honey, Sweetie Pie” or other familiar terms. 87 When people of color say, “It’s not the same thing.” 89 When people of faith say, “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” 91 When white men say, “We are the ones who are being discriminated against now!” 93 Referring to older people as ”cute.” 94 Asking a transgender person, “What are you really? Are you a man or a woman?” 95 Referring to the significant other, partner or spouse of a same gender couple as their “friend.” 97 “Why do “they” (fill in the blank) always have to sit together? They are always sticking together.” 98 “People just need to pick themselves up by their bootstraps.” 100
People with disabilities are ”courageous.” 101 “That’s so gay/queer” or “That’s so retarded.” 103 “I don’t see difference. We’re all part of the same race, the human race.” 105 “I don’t care if you are pink, purple or orange, I treat all people the same.” 106 Asking a transgender person, “Have you had the operation?” 107 Saying to a Jewish person, “You are so lucky to have ‘your’ Christmas spread over a week!” 108 “Here is another book on ‘political ChAPTer 4 6 Smart Steps For Well-Intended People 113 Start With The End In Mind. 114 Shift Your Thinking From “Me” to “We” 116 Name it – Claim it – Act On It 121 We Are All Different – We Are All The Same 123 We Are All “Multi-clumpable” 124 Have And Maintain A Sense Of Humor 126 CoNCluSIoN 131 CloSINg ThoughTS 135 NexT STePS 139 AbouT The AuThor 141
In your attempt to determine what you can and cannot say, from not only a legal perspective, but a common decency perspective, a little common sense can go a long way. For instance, if there are words or terms that I know may be offensive or hurtful to someone, then I won’t use those words. Why should I inflict intentional harm? Whoever developed the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me,” was naïve. Rather, I subscribe to the statement, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can scar a lifetime,” All of us can recall being ridiculed as kids or being insulted as adults, and those words are not easily forgotten. Words are a most powerful weapon. They are how wars are literally started and ended. If by changing my vocabulary to avoid causing harm I am to be judged as being “politically correct,” then I am most certainly guilty. However, getting caught up in terminology or over analyzing what you say before you say it, can cause people to become overly cautious. Censoring everything you think and feel results in our conversations becoming less genuine. For example, Santa’s in Australia were told to refrain from using St. Nick’s traditional “Ho Ho Ho” greeting because it was derogatory and offensive towards women. Santa Claus’ were instructed instead to say “Ha Ha Ha.” Is it any wonder why so many people get frustrated and discount the validity and importance of choosing our words wisely?
Hispanics, many of which were directed at her. In high school, her white guidance counselor suggested that she take classes to learn a skill so that she could get a job right after high school. He never raised the possibility of her going to college. Despite his lack of encouragement and support, she attends college on an academic scholarship. After graduation, she gets a job and during her first week hears remarks that she was hired to fill a “quota.” Later that week, her boss calls her into the office and tells her to refrain from speaking Spanish at work because it makes speakers feel uncomfortable. As she heads back to her desk she overhears a couple of her co-workers telling some racial jokes. Things are piling up quickly. She calls a friend to meet her after work to have coffee so that she can vent some of her frustrations. As she walks to the table at the restaurant, another customer assumes she is a waitress and asks for more water. Bad day? Perhaps. An unusual day for a Latina? Perhaps not. Core Concept #3 EXPLAIN AWAYS When people come to you with a problem, it is instinctual to try and fix it. After all, why else would they be sharing this non-
this is fair, but you would be wasting your breath. Fair or not, it is what it is. Let’s look at a familiar example. For those of you who have siblings, this analogy will be especially easy. Let’s say that you are using negative adjectives about one of your siblings to a friend - about how your brother or sister is this or that. The next day, that friend uses the very same words about your sibling that you had. Now how do you respond? For many, we tend to get defensive and angry at our friend. How dare they say that about my sibling! Who do they think they are? You, like many, might get defensive and angry at your friend. All of a sudden you become your siblings’ strongest advocate. You chastise your friend and they haven’t any idea of what they have done. After all, they are using the very same words that you had used the day before. The difference? There seems to be an unspoken rule about this. As long as you are within the “group,” you can get away with saying what you want. If you are outside the group, just don’t go there. An example of In-Group/Out-Group language is the use of the terms “fag” and “dyke.” Both of these words are used in the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) communities with little controversy. By adopting a more positive slant on the words, the GLBT community’s intent is to reclaim their own power which these words were created to thwart.
disadvantaged. It is not so much a “blame game” as it is a “name game.” Meaning that whatever group you have been named or identifi as, will determine some of your status in the power and privilege pecking order we call life. Th thing about privilege is that those who have it did nothing to earn it. Privilege is given as a result of your group membership, and having this membership gives them an advantage over others. In order to fully grasp the roots of oppression and privilege and why there is so much adversity when talking of diversity, this concept must be understood. People in the advantaged groups are institutionally and culturally in power. People in the disadvantaged groups do not have that same power and privilege, institutionally and culturally. This is not to suggest disadvantaged people are not powerful people. In fact, the saying, “What doesn’t break us makes us stronger” is often an accurate saying for people in these groups. In order to demonstrate the concept of Advantaged/ Disadvantaged groups, I’ve compiled an abbreviated list of categories. There are many more groups beyond the ones I mention here. Race: White people are Advantaged People of Color are Disadvantaged
understanding of just how much of an impact these statements can have on people, you must decide what to do next. With this intention in mind, I offer these 6 simple strategies for taking some of the adversity out of diversity dialogues. STArT WITh The eND IN MIND When we are trying to find our way to any destination we always start with the end in mind. Once you have made the decision of where you want to end up, the process of getting there becomes much clearer. For instance, if I am in New York and I want to get to Boston, I would look at a map (or these days a GPS), and decide on a route. It may be a direct route or one that takes a bit more time, but is more enjoyable. Either way, I will arrive in Boston. Discussions around diversity are much the same. Once you have decided what you would like the outcome to look like, then you can work backwards and decide which route you will take. Sometimes we do not have the luxury of taking the leisurely route, which would certainly be more enjoyable, but may not be the most eff e. Th e will be times when someone says a very inappropriate comment, or acts in an inappropriate manner and immediate action is deemed necessary. Th direct approach can be uncomfortable for many to enforce. Doing