Dr. Neukrug: You want to remain real… Betty: Right, right, right, right! Yeah… Dr. Neukrug: I guess I’m thinking a lot of times we think that, um, life is gonna be easy, but um… as you’re showing us, it usually isn’t. There are so many things in life that, that give us difficult, hard times and messages to ourselves about who we are and where we’re going and I think you’re really hearing some of the messages you’re getting about yourself. Betty: Can you give me something to uh, take with me?… (laughs) Dr. Neukrug: I guess what I’m hearing… that’s a great question! I guess what I’m hearing is that you’ve bee giving your self something and if I can give you anything that’s what I want to give you and that is to continue to give yourself that sense of inner awareness that you’ve begun to give to yourself. Thank you for sharing today. Betty: Thanks…
Dr. Neukrug: Okay… does that bring up some emotions when you say the name? Can you say that a few times? Muz… Hi Muz. Jill: Hi Muz… sigh… Dr. Neukrug: Okay… you go, you can just… you can go with that feeling to say Hi Muz… Jill: Hi Muz… hi Muz… Dr. Neukrug: And if you can put words to some of the feelings that you’re having… Jill: nods… Dr. Neukrug: I know how much you miss her if you can put words to… and talk to her and tell her. Jill: Hi Muz. Hi Muz. First I love you, miss you terribly and I miss the past year and a half. (sobs) Dr. Neukrug: Can you tell… can you say to her, “I feel I’ve been cheated out of that past year and a half?” Jill: I fell cheated out of the past year and a half. … Sigh... I feel cheated out of the family reunion. I feel cheated out of the experiences our entire family could have had. Dr. Neukrug: Can you tell your mother how angry you are at her? Jill: I’m not good at it… expressing anger. Dr. Neukrug: Can you try that? Jill: I’m really not good at expressing anger. Dr. Neukrug: Okay Jill: I’m hurt. Dr. Neukrug: Okay… tell her about the hurt… Jill: You know? I feel hurt. I feel hurt that I was the only child that always stuck up for you. When everybody else turned their back on you I was the only one that stuck up for you! Dr. Neukrug: Can you say, “I stuck up for you and then you turned your back on me?”
Rayneer: Well, it was kind of hard at first. I just kept having my heart palpitations and the sweating, and then I put little hearts up around the house and every time I saw a heart, it helped me remember to do the breathing that you taught me. Dr. Thompson: What a great idea! Sort of that association Rayneer: Well, I really need it, cause if I didn’t see something outside of me, I just kept getting involved in the feeling. Dr. Thompson: And so that reminded you to bring up that relaxation that we talked about. Rayneer: Mmhmm Dr. Thompson: Okay, so well one of the things that we’re going to do today is to talk about the different components of what’s happened for you. And use the relaxation along with sort of a hierarchy of events or situations that you might face. And eventually what we’ll do is have you practice the relaxation along with each of the different pieces of it. Does that make sense? Rayneer: It does. Um, that will be good because it’s been really hard just getting in the passenger side of the car, and somebody else has had to drive me. Dr. Thompson: Yea, I was wondering about that. Rayneer: And just getting in the car, it makes me very nervous and I start to sweat and tremble and feel a little shortness of breath and I’m real concerned that I won’t be able to go back to work cause I drive for everything and if I’m not driving then I can’t make do for my family. Dr. Thompson: Mmhm, so we really kinda have some short term immediate things that you want to focus on, getting in the car even. And then maybe some longer term, that would be getting you back to work, is that…? Rayneer: Yes Dr. Thompson: Okay, um you said that you had some of the anxiety come up when you were even getting into the passenger side coming here. Rayneer: Yes, I felt a little like I was choking and I just had this loss of control that if I was in the car again, something else would happen. And when this accident happened, I didn’t have any passengers. And I keep thinking if it happened again, and what if there were passengers or someone else was injured? Dr. Thompson: Right. Rayneer: So it’s very scary.
Dr. Thompson: Yeah, it sounds like it was. Well, if we have to kind of break things down, because you’re telling me now of what’s going on now. And if we had to break things down into smaller pieces, let’s look at what those pieces might be. Rayneer: Okay Dr. Thompson: And I’m going to write some things down so that we can kind of keep things straight Rayneer: Sure Dr. Thompson: So um one of the things that you’re having a hard time with is that even getting into the passenger side. But maybe we could back up from there. Rayneer: Okay Dr. Thompson: So, what, as you think about even getting into a car, what happens to your anxiety? Rayneer: Um, it goes up. It’s…I’d say just thinking about getting in the car, it goes up to, on a scale of one to ten, it goes to like a five. And maybe, a four, it’s like it gets to a five when I get ready to get in the car. But I start the heart palpitations and I’m sweating and I start to tremble a little bit and I just have that fear that I’m going to lose control or something’s going to happen. Dr. Thompson: Yeah, so even just thinking about. Rayneer: Mmhmm Dr. Thompson: I’m glad that you went ahead and put that scale to it. We talked about that last time as an application here. So thinking about getting into the car is about a four or five. Rayneer: Well, I think probably, it’s….I just get so…to me, it’s not just thinking about, it’s getting into the car. So I guess thinking about it is a three but actually getting into a car is probably a five. Dr. Thompson: Okay, and is that getting into the passenger side or the drivers side? Rayneer: Well, I’m getting into the passenger’s side, I’ve been too afraid to get into the drivers side. So the passenger’s side is definitely a five and the driver’s side is higher. Dr. Thompson: Okay, so where would you rate getting into the drivers side? Rayneer: Um..it’s definitely at least a seven.
Shane: Yeah… yeah no doubt. Tammi: Okay, well, I would like to definitely see if we could potentially make up a plan for perhaps giving you some referrals to individuals who could help you to explore the possibility of using medicine. I’d also like for us, in our time together, to come up with a real concrete workout plan so that you can start using that as a tool to fight off darkness. Where do you think that these changes might lead to? Shane: Well, I mean, I guess to steal what you’re talking about, to bring more light in my life and kinda push that darkness away, maybe lift a veil, fog, I’ve been walking around with. And maybe just be able to enjoy my life a little bit more than I have been. Tammi: Wow! That would be real impressive to be able to do that. Well then, it sounds like we should definitely come up with that plan, but before we do that, I also heard another perspective that you were mentioning, that when you were in high school, you felt a real strong sense of accomplishment, that a lot of the activities that you were engaging in resulted in rewards and recognition and you know, as adults we don’t get a lot of recognition in life. You know, we work really hard and there just aren’t very often, people giving us rewards or pats on the back and that seemed to be a tool for you to fight off that darkness. I’m wondering if this might be another, kind of story, that we could take a look at and even think about ways in which you might be able to find reward in your life today. Shane: Yeah, that’s pretty interesting, I mean, you don’t get rewards for doing stuff in life do ya? I mean like, it’s not like people hand you good grades for doing certain things and you’re not gettin’ trophies for things you do in life. I guess you gotta find it within so, yeah, that’s interesting, I never thought about that. Tammi: Okay… well lets’ pick up more on that in our next session, and for now come up with that plan for working out and for looking at some potential outlets for finding that medication. Shane: Great! Tammi: Okay, great! Thank you! Shane: Awesome!