director with your instructions they will then liaise with the Coroners Offi to see that your wishes are met as soon as possible. Sometimes the Coroner may prevent a cremation of a deceased person and require burial in case there is need for further investigation. 9
Grieving What is Grief? Grief describes a range of emotional responses we can experience through the loss of someone or something that has signifi meaning in our lives.We may experience sadness, anger, anxiety and guilt, in no particular order, and with varying intensity. While grief is common to everyone, our particular family behaviour, gender, culture, age, previous experience and other factors will shape the way we personally experience grief. It will also infl how we handle situations. THERE ARE FOUR IMPORTANT PARTS TO GRIEVING: Facing the reality of the loss Allowing ourselves to experience the pain of the loss Finding new ways to live meaningfully without our loved one’s physical presence (although you can always retain a sense of the presence of the spirit of your loved one) Reinvesting emotional energy back into life again What Does Grief Look Like? PHYSIC AL exhaustion headaches nausea change in sexual interest muscular aches EMOTIONAL sadness disbelief guilt despair loneliness COGNITIVE forgetfulness lack of concentration confusion poor memory BEHAVIOURAL disturbed sleep changes in appetite social withdrawal crying vivid dreams about the person who has died 15
Helping Children and Teenager s with Grief Children will be faced with many losses in their lives. It is a common instinct for parents and other carers to want to protect children from the pain of grief. However it is important for children to learn how to grieve and to be given the opportunity to grieve. Children will about grieving from the adults in their life. Children experience the same feelings as adults but tend to express their grief differently. Grief for children is not constant, but comes in bursts. It is not unusual to explain a death How To Support Your Child in the Grieving Process Families are extremely important in supporting a young person who is grieving and helping them to deal with their loss. Continuing your family life with as little interruption as possible, as well as their social and school life, allows your child to maintain a sense of safety and security, and to feel hopeful about the future. It can be particularly challenging for families to support each when a family member has died. Everyone will grieve for the loss of their loved one in different ways, and may not feel able to provide support while grieving themselves. It is important to acknowledge that your children may respond in ways that are difficult for you to understand.They might respond with defiant to a child and find that they do not seem affected by it, or they want to go out and play.This does not mean they do not feel the pain of the loss. Younger children especially Children experience the same feelings as adults but tend to express their grief differently. or risk-taking behaviour – although this might seem disruptive and frustrating to you, it may be their way of coping and therefore requires some understanding. Professional support for the may ask the same questions many times.You may have to tell the story over and over As children get older they will grieve again.The loss will mean different things to them at different stages. Often children express their feelings through behaviour and play. whole family might be helpful if you’re finding it difficult to support each other through a loss. Youth specific information on grieving is available at
it Help To Move? Although it may be tempting to move or change jobs in the hope that this will ease some of the pain, it is a good idea not to make any major or permanent decisions for 12-18 months after the death of a loved one.You are already undergoing enormous change because of the loss. If your decision does not have to be made immediately then leave it for a while. It Has Become Worse, Why? may have been a lot of visitors and support around the time of the funeral but people have since moved on with their lives. People often expect that you will have “got over it” after six – eight weeks.This leaves you on your own and without the constant support of these friends.The ‘anaesthetic’ effect of the shock also wears off leaving intense and painful feelings. People often say that the grief is worse four – six months after the death rather than at the time of the initial bereavement. How Long Does It Last? is no magic figure or date.The loss will always be part of your life but the intense pain will gradually subside. Grief comes in waves and can be unexpected or triggered by little things. However there is often a pattern or cycle to grief. By looking back over the last weeks and months you may be able to notice a pattern to your own grief. Gradually these waves of grief grow further and further apart. Eventually you will be able to laugh again and remember the life and good times with your loved one rather than just the death. 28 Things That Can Help You to Manage Grief Managing grief can be difficult and challenging. The following suggestions may help: Accepting Your Feelings There is no right or wrong way to feel after losing someone you care about. Accepting the feelings you have and acknowledging you are going through a stressful experience may be helpful in managing your reactions. Many people wrongly think the intensity of their feelings means they’re going mad. Yourself To Cry It‘s okay to cry.You don’t have to be over it in anyone else’s time except your own. If you feel uncomfortable about crying in front of people you may want to go to a safer place: a room the park a counsellor your favourite spot Some people also have some very negative or hurtful memories of the person who died. If this is the case it is helpful to choose someone you trust and with whom you can safely talk about these experiences and feelings without judgement.
Caring For Your self Following the sudden death of someone close it will probably feel like it takes all your energy just to keep breathing, to drag yourself out of bed in the morning and to do simple daily tasks. Everyone else’s ‘normality’ seems to highlight your feeling of ‘abnormality’.You may even feel like a distant observer of your own life. Don’t worry; these feelings are normal in your circumstances. On top of this, you may be bombarded with well-meaning advice from others trying to ease your pain:‘fi someone else’,‘move house’,‘fi a new job’,‘travel’ – anything to ‘take your mind off ’ your pain. Things You Can Do To Help Yourself Firstly, ignore all advice that doesn’t feel right for you. Secondly, where possible don’t make major decisions about your life until after the fi st anniversary of the You May Also Wish To Consider Some of the Following: Take time to think, remember, pray, meditate, mourn. Develop a resource list: phone numbers and places to contact when the going gets tough. Find distractions that will provide you with some time out. Collect information, read simple books about surviving suicide or sudden loss, or about life enhancement – when you are ready. Use physical nurture like massage, spa early nights. Contact a trained bereavement counsellor if the gets hard. Prioritise tasks and at first only do the essentials. Indulge yourself from time-to-time to remind yourself that life still holds some good things. Try to notice, acknowledge and reward each step forward in some way. death. Most of us don’t make decisions in our best interests when we’re vulnerable. Take your time. of us don’t make decisions in our best interests when we’re