Eng 060-100 10/08/09 Summary Informal Outline Thesis Statement: Paintball birthday parties are bad for kids. Support 1: Release of liability contract Support 2: Injuries to kids while playing Support Point 3: Cost Summary: “Trigger-Happy Birthday” (The footnotes in the essay given in the column on the left are explained in the column on the right.) 1The Birthday,” written by Kiku Adatto, 2is about proving that childhood is changing in modern America, and that paintball birthday parties are bad for kids.3 Adatto describes her experience when she took her twelve son to a paintball birthday party. 4aShe is upset to find that before her son can play the game, she must sign a release of liability contract, stating that the company who owns the paintball facility is not responsible for any injury to her son, In the first sentence of her Summary, the student writer writes down the title and author of the story she is summarizing (“The essay “Trigger-Happy Birthday,” written by Kiku Adatto”). It’s critical that you begin each Summary you write by giving this information. Without it, the reader has no context for your Summary and is lost from the start. Also in the first sentence, the student writer gives the Thesis Statement of the essay (“paintball birthday parties are bad for kids”). Bringing the Thesis Statement to the attention of your reader is also critical to writing an effective Summary. That’s because the Thesis Statement guides or organizes the supporting detail in the essay, and, similarly, guides which supporting detail you’ll choose to include in your Summary. In other words, the Thesis tells you which detail is important and which detail can be left out. After all, you are not copying the author’s work, you are summarizing it. It is common in a short Summary to combine the introduction with the Thesis Statement in one sentence as our student-writer has done: (Introduction) “The essay “Trigger-Happy Birthday,” written by Kiku Adatto, is about old
violent when they grow up. 3Adatto chose correctly by not signing for her son to go to the birthday party. I liked that Adatto supported her position against paintball for children by giving the reader an informative story of her own experience taking her son to a paintball birthday. 4Especially effective was her quote from the Release of Liability contract, which limits the company’s liability in the case of “injury or death.” Who would want to expose their child to this kind of danger? 5I also liked the author’s writing style, which was informal and written in the voice of a concerned mother. In the essay, 6I appreciated that Adatto comes to her opinion through her experience portrayed in the narrative rather than by prejudging paintball to be bad from the start. 7I really enjoyed the essay, and through reading it I am determined to protect belongs in the Response and not the Summary. Next, the student-writer uses the evaluative phrase “Adatto chose correctly by not signing for her son to go to the birthday party.” The wording, “Especially effective,” shows the student-writer’s evaluation of the effectiveness of the author’s use of a quote to provide support for her Thesis Statement. Next, the student-writer evaluates the author’s writing style: “I also liked the author’s writing style, which was informal and written in the voice of a concerned mother.” It is important that a Response not only evaluate the effectiveness of the author’s Thesis Statement and Support, but also the quality of her writing. Notice that the first states that she “likes the writing style,” and then gives support for this evaluation: “[the writing was] informal and written in the voice of a concerned mother.” The student-writer signals approval for how the author arrived at her Thesis (“Paintball birthday parties are bad for kids”) as a way to evaluate the effectiveness of the as a whole: “I appreciated that Adatto comes to her opinion through her experience portrayed in
_____ Then/Than These two words are tricky. “Then” is used to show a change in time. For example: “First, I washed my clothes; then I did my assignment.” “Then” is also used with cause-effect sentences. For example: “If you want to leave on time, then you better start packing.” “Than” is used for comparisons. For example: “I like your choice better than mine.” _____ There/Their/They’re These words are pronounced the same but have different meanings. Here’s what they mean: “There” is a direction like: “over there.” shows possession like: “their car.” “They’re” is a contraction meaning: “They are.” _____ To/Too/Two These words are pronounced the same but have different meanings. Here’s what they mean: You have “to” as in “to the store”; “too” as in “too many assignments”; and “two” as in “two pencils.” Make sure to use the right form in your essay! In formal writing, avoid using “and” or “but” to start a sentence. Usually you can just take the “and” or “but” out, and it will fix the problem, or you can combine the word group that begins with “and” or “but” with the sentence that comes before. Incorrect: I walked to class. And I took the quiz. Correct: I walked to class, and I took the quiz. _____ Slang – In a formal paper, try to avoid using slang words like “Got,” “Lot of,” “thing,” “stuff,” or “bunch.” See if you can find another word to do the job. _____ I believe/I think/in my opinion/Next I’ll talk about – In a formal paper, avoid writing “I believe,” “I think,” “in my opinion,” and so on. Readers will assume that you would not write it if you didn’t believe it, so it’s unnecessary to write, “I believe.”