As we grow individually and corporately, may we all focus on Messiah, Who alone is the author and finisher of our faith. May we seek His Face and His Hand in our growth so that we can be a part of the strength and stability of our fellowships, members and leaders alike. The Life Model: MATURITY INDICATORS THE INFANT STAGE: BIRTH THROUGH AGE 3 (Newborns and toddlers are included here, up to the age where they can effectively say what their needs are.) PRIMARY TASK to be completed during this state: Learning to receive. PRIMARY RESULTING PROBLEM in adult life when tasks are not completed: Weak or stormy relationships. PERSONAL TASKS COMMUNITY AND FAMILY TASKS WHEN THE TASKS FAIL 1.Lives in joy, expands Capacity for joy; learns that joy is one’s normal state, and builds Joy strength. Parents delight in the infant’s wonderful And unique existence. Weak identity: fear and coldness dominate bonds with others. 2. Develops trust. Parents build strong loving bonds with the infant—bonds of unconditional love. Has difficult often leads to manipulative, self-centered, isolated or discontented personality.
3. Learns how to receive. Gives care that matches the infants needs, without the infant asking. Is withdrawn, disengaged, and unresponsive. 4. Begins to organize self into a person through relationships. Discovers the true characteristics of the infant’s unique identity, through attention to the child’s behavior and character. Has an inability to regulate emotions. 5. Learns how to return to joy from every unpleasant emotion. Provides enough safety and companionship during difficulties, so the infant can return to joy from other emotion. Has uncontrollable emotional outbursts, excessive and depression. Avoids, escapes or gets stuck in certain emotions. THE CHILD STAGE: AGE 4 THROUGH 12 (Age 12 is the earliest age this stage can be completed.) PRIMARY TASK to be completed during this stage: Taking care of self. PRIMARY RESULTING PROBLEM in adult life when tasks are not completed: Not taking responsibility for self.
PERSONAL COMMUNITY AND FAMILY WHENTHE TASKS FAIL 1. Asks for what is needed—can say what one thinks and feels Teaches and allows to appropriately articulate needs. Experiences continual frustration and disappointment because needs are not met; is often 2. learns what brings personal satisfaction. Helps child to evaluate the consequences of own behaviors, and to identify what satisfies him or her. Is obsessed with or addicted to food, drugs, sex, money, or power, in a desperate chase to find satisfaction. 3. develops enough persistence to do hard things. Challenges and encourages child to do difficult tasks the child does not feel like doing. Experiences failure, remains stuck and undependable, is consumed with comfort and fantasy life. 4. develops personal resources and talents. Provides opportunities to develop the child’s unique talents and interests. Fills life with unproductive activities, despite abilities. 5. knows self and takes responsibility to make self understandable to others. Guides in discovering the unique characteristics of the child’s heart. Fails to develop true identity; conforms to outside influences that misshape identity.
5. understands how he or she fits into history as well as the “big picture” of what life is Educates the child about the family history as well as the history of the family of God. Feels disconnected from history and is unable to protect self from family lies or dysfunctions that are passed on. THE ADULT STAGE: AGE 13 TO BIRTH OF 1ST CHILD (Age 13 is the earliest age at which adult-level tasks may be accomplished.) PRIMARY TASK to be completed during this stage: Taking care of two people simultaneously. PRIMARY RESULTING PROBLEM when this task is not completed: Lacks the capacity to be in mutually satisfying relationships. PERSONAL TASKS COMMUNITY AND FAMILY TASKS WHENTHE FAIL 1. Cares for self and others simultaneously in mutually satisfying relationships. Provides the opportunity to participate in group life. Is leaves people dissatisfied and frustrated. 2. remains stable in difficult situations, and how to return self and others to joy. Affirms that the young adult will make it through difficult times. Conforms to peer pressure, and participates in negative and destructive group activities. 3. bonds with peers; Provides positive environment and activities Is a loner, with tendencies to isolate;
PERSONAL TASKS COMMUNITY AND FAMILY TASKS WHEN THE TASKS FAIL 1. Protects, serves, and enjoys one’s family. The community gives the opportunity for both parents to sacrificially to their family. Family members are (1) at risk, (2) deprived, and (3) feel worthless or unimportant. 2. is devoted to taking care of children without expecting to be taken care of by the children in return. The community promotes devoted parenting. Children have to take care of parents, which is impossible, and often leads to (1) child abuse/neglect and./or (2) “parentified” children actually blocks their maturity instead of facilitating it. 3. allows and provides spiritual parents and siblings The community encourages relationships between children and extended Children are vulnerable to peer pressure, to cults, to any misfortune, and are less
for their children. spiritual family members. likely to succeed in life’s goals. Parents get overwhelmed without extended family support. 4. Learns how to bring children through difficult times, and return to joy from other emotions. The community supports parents by giving them encouragement, guidance, breaks, and opportunities to recharge. Hopeless, depressed, disintegrating family units develop. THE ELDER STAGE: BEGINNING WHEN YOUNGEST CHILD HAS BECOME AN ADULT PRIMARY TASK to be completed during this stage: Sacrificially taking care of the community. PRIMARY RESULTING PROBLEM when this task is not accomplished: The overall maturity of the community declines. PERSONAL TASKS COMMUNITY AND FAMILY TASKS WHEN THE TASK FAIL 1. establishes an accurate community identity, and acts like self in The community recognizes elders in the community. There is meaninglessness, disorder, loss of direction, and disintegration of all social structures from
the of difficulty. government to family. 2. prizes each community member, and enjoys the true self in each individual. The community provides opportunities for elders to be involved with those in all of the other maturity stages. Life-giving interactions diminish, along with life-giving interdependence, stunting the community’s growth. Fragile, at-risk people fail to heal or survive. 3. parents and matures the community. The community creates a structure to help the elders do their job, which allows people at every stage of maturity to interact properly with those in other stages, and listen to the wisdom of maturity. When elders do not lead, unqualified people do, resulting in immature interactions at every level of the community. 4. gives life to those without a family through spiritual adoption. Places a high value on being a spiritual family to those with no family. When the “familyless” are not individually taken care of, poverty, violence, crisis, crime, and mental disorders increase. Copyright by Shepherd’s House, Inc. 2000. Used with permission.