Non-verbal behaviour Passive - Flight Aggressive - Fight Assertive - Flow Body movements Hunching shoulders Covering mouth with hands Crossing arms for protection Finger pointing clenched Crossing arms (unapproachable) Open hand movements Sitting/standing upright and relaxed Eye contact Evasive Looking down Trying to stare down and intimidate Firm direct eye contact without staring Facial expression Ghost smiles when expressing anger or being criticised Raising eyebrows Jaw trembling, lip biting Smiling may become sneering Scowling when angry Jaw set firmly Smiling when pleased Frowning when angry Features steady Jaw relaxed Speech pattern Hesitant and filled with pauses Fast to slow language Frequent throat clearing Fluent, few hesitations Often abrupt, clipped Emphasising blaming words Often fast Fluent, few hesitations Emphasising key words Steady, even pace Voice Often dull, monotonous Quiet, often dropping away Singsong tone Sarcastic tone Hard and sharp Strident, often shouting, rising at the end Steady and firm Middle range tone Sincere and clear Verbal behaviour Passive - Flight Aggressive - Fight Assertive - Flow Type of language Long rambling statements Fill in words “maybe”, “er”, “sort of” Frequent justifications “I wouldn’t normally say anything, only…” Excessive emphasis on “I” “My view is…”, “I Boastfulness “I haven’t got problems like you” “I statements that are clear and to the point “I like”, “I feel”, “I prefer” Distinction between fact and opinion “My experience is different”
Apologies “I’m terribly sorry to bother you …”, “Please excuse me, but…” Unacknowledged choice “I should”, “I ought”, “I have to” Qualifiers “It’s only my opinion”. “I be wrong.” Self-dismissal “It’s not important”. “It really doesn’t matter.” Self-put-downs “I’m useless”, “I’m hopeless”, “You know me” Opinion expressed as fact “That’s a useless way to do it.”, “Nobody wants to behave like that” Threatening questions “Haven’t you finished it yet?”, “Why on earth did you do it like that?” Threatening requests “You’d better do that”, “I want that done or else” Heavy handed advice “You should”, “You ought”, “Why don’t you?” Blame “You made a mess of that” Sarcasm “You must be joking”, “I don’t suppose you managed to do that?” Suggestions without ‘should’ or ‘ought’ “How about…”, “Would you like me to…?” Constructive criticism without “I feel irritated when you interrupt me” Seeking others’ opinions “How does this fit in with your ideas?” Willingness to explore solutions “How can we get around this problem?” When communicating your verbal messages, consider your use of the terms “and” and “but”: BUT Tends to negate/dismiss what has occurred or been said previously. AND Allows you to lead forward into another opinion without negating what has been previously communicated. Scripts Conversation One - to 1st Consultation Meeting 1:1 MEETING Purpose: To advise employees whose position may be significantly affected by the proposed organisational change eg: redundant. This is generally done 24 hours prior to the 1st Consultation meeting. Time Frame: Early in the week and time of day, no longer than 30 minutes Environment: Private setting (no interruptions) Attendees: Impacted employee; Manager; HR Representative (optional)
Challenging conversations: Strategies for dealing with anger Anger is a normal human emotion that warns us something is wrong. But it is also an uncomfortable emotion, especially when expressed at work when you are delivering a difficult message. Fortunately, anger can be managed in these situations. Acknowledge the person’s up front. brushed aside adds ‘more fuel to the fire’. Anger is a symptom of a greater problem so make it clear immediately that you realise the person is upset: “I can see that this is important to you so let’s talk it through.” The message you send is that you are interested in helping them to find a solution and that you are not going to combat rage with rage. Your supportive comments do not condone the anger, rather they redirect that the issue needs to be dealt with constructively. Be calm and confident It is essential when confronted with an angry person that you remain calm, dignified, express confidence in your verbal and non-verbal communication and to speak in a steady voice that says you are concerned but not intimidated. It is that you don’t respond aggressively to another’s anger. If with shouting and extreme aggression, draw the line: “I have no intention of raising my voice during this discussion and I ask you to extend the same courtesy to me.” No one can win with an angry exchange of words. Provide a environment Any topic that has the potential to give rise to anger must be discussed in a non-threatening, private environment. Try to have the person seated as it’s more difficult to continue an outburst from a sitting position. Listen and ask questions If the person is remaining maintain eye contact and listen actively without saying anything and they will run out of steam much sooner – it’s not easy to maintain anger with someone who is not responding. As the anger subsides, help the person move back into an objective rather than a subjective phase by using correct questions and techniques. Work towards a solution If the person has calmed down enough then talk rationally about the issue and explore the various options (this might depend on what is being discussed) to arrive at a fair and workable solution. However if the person remains then it may be best to postpone the discussion to allow the person to reflect and gain composure. Guidelines for individual redundancy meetings