We teach boys this behaviour towards girls is ‘just what boys do’. We teach girls to accept it, and tell them ‘it’s ok, he probably did it because he likes you’. Over time, boys and girls start to believe that disrespect is a normal part of growing up. Together we can help stop the cycle of violence against women As parents, family members, teachers, coaches, employers, Elders and role models, we can have a positive influence on our kids and show them what’s ok and what’s not, right from the start. We can be more aware of the excuses we make, and how these excuses influence our kids. We can start talking about respect with our kids. We can ‘stop it at the start’ and help prevent violence against women and girls. How to use UNDERSTANDING OUR EXCUSES How we talk to our kids – the words we use, influences what our kids’ think is ok and what is not. But our words can have hidden meanings. The things we say in front of our kids can be taken in the wrong way. Without meaning to, we can say things or use words that excuse disrespectful behaviour towards women. You can use Understanding our Excuses to avoid words and phrases that might be taken the wrong way by our kids and, without us knowing it, give them the wrong message about respect. Playing down disrespect toward girls This is when we try to lessen the seriousness of disrespect and aggression. Have you ever thought or said … What young people might think “He picks on you because he likes you” Girl I shouldn’t get upset when he insults me. Boy It’s okay to do it if you like them. “Don’t take it seriously, he didn’t mean it like that” Girl I’m making a fuss about nothing. Boy She overreacted. “It’s only a bit of fun” Girl I shouldn’t take it so seriously. Boy I can get away with this. “It’s just a joke” Girl I shouldn’t get upset about this.
Respecting women in the community Women are an integral part of our community and we need to honour their role in our community. Sometimes we can be guilty of ‘stereotyping’. Examples of stereotypes are that boys shouldn’t show their emotions or feelings, or that girls should go along with what boys say and care more about what boys say or think then their own thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, the things we say reinforce these gender stereotypes. While we may not mean to, this can lower the confidence and self-esteem of our kids. We need to stop using these words and phrases, otherwise stereotypes about men and women will carry on. Males Have you ever thought or said … What a boy might think “Act like a real man” Men need to be tough. “Stop acting like a girl” I’m too soft. “She shouldn’t tell me what to do” I should be in control of the relationship. “Boys don’t cry” I shouldn’t show my emotions. “Your girlfriend’s the boss in your relationship” She’s in control of me. Females Have you ever thought or said … What a girl might think “She bosses people around” I shouldn’t stand up for myself. “She argues about nothing” I shouldn’t give my opinion / I shouldn’t stand up for myself. “Why are you being so uptight?” I shouldn’t be clear about what I want. “She thinks she knows everything” I shouldn’t say things that make me sound clever. “She acts like a boy” I shouldn’t be myself / I shouldn’t play the sports that I like / I should look more feminine / I shouldn’t dress the way that I like / I am judged on how I look.