St. James the Least My dear Nephew Darren I have to say that the couple who complained that you never noticed they had been missing from church for a month had a point. There is a simple way of noticing when someone is absent: everyone sits in the same pew. Every Sunday. Always. Little Miss Margison sits in the pew after the third pillar on the right here at St. James the Least. As she walks up the aisle, you can sense her counting the pillars until she reaches the right one, which then allows her to sit in front of it. I have speculated that if I ever had that pillar removed, then the following Sunday, she would have a complete mental collapse. One Sunday a visiting family arrived early and sat down; three people in an empty church seating 200. Colonel Wainwright and his wife were the first of our regulars to arrive and froze in horror. The Colonel said in a deafening whisper to his wife: “There’s someone sitting in our pew.” At least they had the grace – no matter how reluctant – for one week, to sit somewhere else. Unlike the Prentice family of husband, wife and three children, who arrived to discover that a visiting family of husband, wife and four children were sitting in their pew; six people in a pew that held eight. Or, it normally holds eight. That Sunday, it held thirteen. We at least have one iconoclast in Miss Pemberton, who makes a point of sitting in a different place every week. This thoroughly unsettles the rest of the congregation, who fear she may sit in their seats during her nomadic wanderings. I sometimes wonder if she has a chart at home with all the pew spaces marked on it and she strikes one off each week as she returns home after Mattins. Occasionally the unexpected can happen. Mrs Cholmondeley arrived one week in good time, settled herself in her accustomed place, but half-way through the Service suddenly ran out of the building. Ten minutes later, she was back and in her usual place once again. It was only when the church filled with the smell of burned bacon that we understood. That is why replacing pews with chairs in your church was a mistake. Pews can never be moved. You know where everybody is – or should be! Your loving uncle, Eustace
I Ian Smith ATT Anne Smith BA (Hons) Accounts for Partnerships, Sole Traders and Limited Companies VAT – PAYE – Bookkeeping - Self Assessment - Tax Returns Local established family business 12/14 Church Street, Ecclesfield S35 9WE Telephone: 0114 246 6464 Fax: 0114 245 6249 Email: info@cartersmith.co.uk Mothers’ Union
Ecclesfield Guide May Queen Ecclesfield Guides, Brownies & Rainbows are busy practicing hard for their 71st Annual May Queen concert which will take place on 14th, 15th, 16th May. This year nearly 100 Guides, Brownies & Rainbows will be taking part in the show where they will be singing, dancing & acting throughout the evening. During the second half of the show our New May Queen will be crowned. This year we are pleased to announce that India Buckley will be crowned as Queen Periwinkle. India has chosen Rachael Hibbert, Samantha March, Ruby Emmett, Tia Jackson, Izzy Touhey & Georgie-Leigh Waldron to be her attendants. Tickets for the show are now available from any of the Leaders Or by phoning Claire on 2461289 Come & join in the fun Prayers and Poems Page The Guarding of the God of Life The God of life with guarding hold you, The loving Christ with guarding fold you, The Holy Spirit, guarding, mould you, Each night of life to aid, enfold you, Each day and night of life uphold you. Ancient Celtic poem Prayer at Election Time Heavenly Father, We need your wisdom at this Election time. There are so many issues, so many voices clamouring for attention, clamouring for votes, clamouring for power. Thank you that you give your people a different sort of power, the power of your Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. Help us Lord to receive your Spirit, to listen to him, so that we make good decisions on Election Day - and every day of our lives. Thank you for the wonderful gift of your Spirit, In Jesus name. Amen. By Daphne Kitching The Tale of Gideon: Part 1 – The Fleece Gideon was a fighting man A man of God was he, He liked to have a robust plan And fight with certainty.