Characters Little Nemo Little Princess Dr. Pill Flip Dancing Missionary Candy Kid King Morpheus Valentine Fairy [doubling as a Daughter of the Revolution] [Weather Vane] Mrs. Nemo Gladys, a cat [Pygmy, the Cannibal Kid] [Cannibal King] [Captain Grouch, the pirate chief] [Dame Liberty] small parts: [Slumberland Courtiers, including] Officer of the King’s Guard & Page of the Little Princess Storybook Characters King’s Herald [Doctor’s Patients: Algie, Mr. Foote, Maggie] [Squirrels] Park Chorus [: 2 Lovers, Old Gent, Tramp, Policeman, Nursemaid, Old Lady, Chinaman] Boys and Girls in the Park [Sally] [Betty] [Team of Teddy Bears, and Rabbit Coachman & Footman] Expressman [& his Assistant] [Nightmare, a witch] [Dolls’ Mothers & Doctors] [Valentines, Cupids, & Admirers] [Typewriters & Typewriter Desks] [Sunbeams, Snowflakes, Raindrops] [Savage Cannibals on the Island of Table h’Hôte] [Life-Size Tin Soldiers] [Amusement Park Visitors] [Dancing Bear] [Animals: Giraffe, Ostrich, Kangaroo, Gorilla, Rooster, Flamingo] [Olympian Athletes: Gaston, Percy, Alphonse, Socrates, Yen, Rudolf, 6 American Girls, Giuseppe] [Declaration Signatories, Human Fireworks, Dream-Children, Continental Soldiers] [Pantomime George Washington, Cornwallis, & British Soldiers] [Numerous Pirates] [2 Specialty Acrobatic Sailors]
[Chorus of U.S. Sailors] Synopsis of Scenes ACT I scene 1. The Playroom of the Little Princess, Slumberland scene 2. A Children’s Playground in a Park scene 3. Little Nemo’s Bedroom scene 4. The Land of the Fairies of St. Valentine ACT II scene 1. The Office of the Weather Factory, Cloudland scene 2. The Island of Table d’Hôte scene 3. An Amusement Park on the Cannibal Island scene 4. Little Nemo’s Bedroom scene 5. The Palace of Patriotism, Slumberland ACT III scene 1. The Deck of a Pirate Ship scene 2. A Raft in the Middle of the Ocean scene 3. The Deck of a Battleship scene 4. Slumberland
candy kid. (as he bobs up) Hello there, everybody! princess. (pleased) The Candy Kid! Well, I’m glad to see you. You are the only one at Court who understands me. candy kid. Why, what’s the matter with our Little Princess? princess. I want a playmate. candy kid. Oh, ask me something harder! There’s your storybook. I’ll just turn the pages and find you any old playmate you wish. (goes up to the big book) Come now. Watch the Professor! Here you are. (The Candy Kid turns a page of the book. Flip appears in his characteristic dress, smoking his usual cigar, standing in one of his characteristic poses.) princess. (annoyed) Flip! flip. (very cheerful) Howdy, Princess? Say, I’ve got glad news for you. My uncle, the Guard of Dawn, said I might come over and play in your yard. (He comes out of the book and downstage.) princess. Well, you may as well go right home. I don’t want you. flip. (chagrined) What! Aren’t you tickled? Why, say! As a little playmate, I got all the blue ribbons at the bench show. (dances around cheerfully as he talks) Come on! Let’s play somethin’! Let’s play kissin’ games. Say, Princess, did you ever play “Post Office”? princess. (bored) No!! flip. (always dancing around as he talks, with burlesque of a lively child) Gee! Talk about your fun. First I go out of the room, hide behind the door— candy kid. (interrupting) And stay there a year. flip. (disgusted) Naw! Then someone comes out and says, “There’s a letter in the post office with sixteen stamps on it.” Then I come in and kiss you sixteen times. Say—there’s a game! Let’s start right in. (He dances up to the Princess.) princess. (pushing him away) Go away! I hate you!
(At the end of the march, the children give three cheers and then all begin shouting, laughing, and talking at once. This is to be as lifelike and childlike as possible.) (The boys produce baseball bats, masks, and gloves. The girls: hoops, jumping ropes, tennis rackets. A lame boy with his dog sits at R. corner and makes his dog do tricks. A little girl at L. corner rolls her doll in a perambulator. They swing each other in the swings. A fat boy goes around to the lunch baskets and samples their contents. The musical instruments used in the procession are used to add to the general commotion.) (Two girls, Sally and Betty, quarrel over a doll. Sally is a little girl of the Sis Hopkins type, who is always crying. A bigheaded boy in spectacles reads a book and ignores everyone.) (The following speeches are assigned to different individuals or groups, but the effect should be that of all talking at once.) 1st boy. Come on, fellers! Let’s play ball. sally. (a tomboy) I choose to pitch. 3rd boy. Catcher! 4th boy. First base! 5th boy. Pitcher! sally. Aw—go on! I hollered pitcher! 5th boy. Yes, you did! I hollered first! Didn’t I, Skinny? sally. Naw, you didn’t! (General wrangle, like the real thing. Two boys toss the bat to choose sides. Boys start a ball game. While the game goes on at R., a group of girls talks at L.) betty. (Sis Hopkins type) You give me my jumping rope. sally. That’s mine. (The two quarrel.) betty. Let’s play “I Spy.” I’ll count out. (count out in sing-song)
flip. That will just do for me—I ought to be the May Queen. ’Cause I’m the only feller here what can whistle through his fingers. (whistles) And I’m the only feller here what knows how to smoke. nemo. Whoever heard of a redheaded boy being a May Queen? You’d make a fine May Queen, you would. (All laugh at Flip.) (Music for the entrance of the Princess.) sally. (upstage) Oh, girls! Look! (Some girls run up and look off.) My! Ain’t she puttin’ on style! (All interested. Music continues as the Princess drives on in a carriage made of an Easter egg drawn by teddy bears. Coachman and footman with rabbits’ heads. All cheer.) nemo. (admiringly, gazing at Princess) Jiminy! Ain’t she pretty, though? princess. (standing up in carriage) Howdy, everybody! You see, I’ve invited myself to your picnic. (All pleased, welcome her.) nemo. (helping her out of carriage, bashfully) That’s all right. Say, I’m glad you accepted your own invite. princess. (bashful business) Are you, honest? nemo. (bashfully) Sure I am. (Bashful business for the two, getting acquainted like two children.) flip. (during business, to himself) Well, what do you think? The Princess was so scared she wouldn’t get Nemo, she come after him herself. nemo. Say, girls and boys! I tell you what we’ll do. We’ll make her the May Queen. all. Hooray for the May Queen! flip. Say, kids, did you know the automobile race was goin’ to pass this way? We can all see it for nothin’.
(Shouts from the children.) (points off) All the big cars is over there gettin’ ready. sally. Oh! Come on, fellers! Let’s go an see ’em. (The children run off shouting and cheering.) (Exit all but Nemo, Flip, and the Princess.) princess. Oh, it is nice to have real children to play with. flip. (to Princess) I’ll bet you can’t do this. (walks on his hands) Want me to teach you? nemo. (to Princess) Why, haven’t you got any playmates? princess. Not one. But I’ve got just heaps of toys—and candy—and my papa has wagonloads of money. flip. Well, come on. Let me and you go and take in the automobile race. (Flip takes the Princess’s hand. Nemo pushes him away.) princess. (to Nemo) I tell you, it’s awfully lonesome without any children to play with. But now I’ve found you— flip. Jiminy Christmas! You’d think his Nemolets was the only kid in town. nemo. Well, you can play with us just as much as ever you want to. You certainly are welcome to our city. TRIO: “Won’t You Be My Playmate?” [ ♬ ] nemo. Let’s go a-driving in the park, Just like the grown-ups do. In a goat cart gay We will dash away. They’ll be room for just us two. princess. We don’t need an automobile. For style we will not strive. Better clear the track When our whips we crack,
There’s that cat again! Here, Gladys, Gladys! He’s an awfully nice cat, but I can’t see why Nemo named him Gladys. (The noise of a catfight under the bed. The cat comes out with a teddy bear in his mouth, which he shakes like a rat.) Here, here, you mustn’t treat the teddy bear that way. He’s a relic and a back number. (She takes the bear from cat and puts it on the table. The cat tries to get it.) (A cuckoo clock on wall R. strikes eight. The cat jumps at the bird as it comes out of the clock, trying to get at it.) Eight o’clock! And Nemo not home yet. What can be the matter? (Knock at door R.) Now who can that be? (Mrs. Nemo crosses to door R. As she does so, the cat seizes the teddy bear and runs under the bed with it.) (Dr. Pill enters as the fairy policeman. He carries Nemo in his arms. He trips into the room with a ballet step, does pirouettes, and poses with Nemo in his arms.) (The cat looks from under the bed, sees the policeman, comes from under the bed, gets a big glass pitcher, pantomimes to the policeman, and exits.) mrs. nemo. (alarmed) A policeman! Is Nemo arrested? dr. pill. Arrested? (chuckles) Vet do you tink of dot? No! I vas a fairy cop. Don’t you pipe [“like”] de vings? (flutters wings) mrs. nemo. But where did you find my little boy? dr. pill. He vas in der Park doing a Philadelphia specialty. I brought him home. I guess I’m much obliged to you. Didn’t it? Are you his fader und moder? mrs. nemo. Well, I’m one of them. dr. pill. Now, get me his evening dress suit, and I will make him in de bedclothes. mrs. nemo. You want to get him ready for bed? But can I trust you?
flip. (stopping his fight with the cat) Here! That ain’t the feller you want. Wait for me! (A pillow thrown by the cat knocks Flip down. Nemo and the Candy Kid laugh at Flip. Flip runs up the steps, all of which—except the one on which Nemo and Candy Kid are standing—collapse and throw him down. He falls over the cat, who is at the foot of the steps. Flip chases the cat around the stage, in and out of the two invisible doors in the back wall. The cat runs and jumps in the trunk, shutting the lid.) flip. Oh! Have I got him now? (gets poker from fireplace and crosses to trunk) All I ask is nine swipes at Gladys. One swipe for each life. (Holding the poker, ready for a blow, he opens the trunk. Chord. The witch Nightmare appears, very grotesque. She should be very tall and thin with a red cloak and conical hat, carrying a broom. Music in orchestra to end of scene.) flip. (starting back with a howl) Wow! How Gladys has changed. witch. I am the witch Nightmare. (jumps out of trunk) flip. (frightened) Howdy, witch? witch. You wish to go to Slumberland? Mount behind me on my broomstick, and I will take you. flip. (frightened) Say—I’d rather walk. witch. Mount, I command you. flip. (meekly) Yes’m. (gets on broomstick behind the witch) (Music. They fly off, swinging from C. of stage with an upward slant, off R. & L.) (At the same moment, Nemo and the Candy Kid laugh and disappear up the staircase.) (Scene in semi-darkness. The cribs are placed. The transparency at back is illuminated as if by moonlight. Gauzes go up quickly, and through the window enter six or eight little girls in nightdresses. They carry dolls.) SONG: “Sandman, Make My Dolly Go to Sleep” Dolly, don’t you know it’s bedtime,
Oooh! Look at them funny whiskers. It’s the farmers prayin’ for rain. (Runs to the thermometer and turns on heat. Mercury rises to 180.) Guess that’ll fix ’em. (runs up, looks off with telescope) Look at ’em! (laughs) They’re tearing their whiskers out. (telescope) And there’s a ballgame. Sixteen innings. Giants two; Pittsburggner [sic] going to bat. (Sings, runs to rain machine, turns on rain.) Oh, I could be awful happy here. Nothin’ to do but make trouble. Now I must get up that shipwreck for Nemo. I’ll turn on all kinds of weather at once! (Turns around the room, starting up the various levers. He gets a big umbrella from side of opening at back.) There, by Jiminy! In about ten minutes, I guess we’ll have weather enough to make Nemo seasick. Now, me for Slumberland and the Little Princess. (In the opening at back, he spreads the big umbrella. Noise of wind machine. Music. Flip blown off L.) (The music, which begins as Flip exits, continues into the prelude of the following specialty number.) (In the following number, each verse is sung by a little girl dressed, respectively, as a Sunbeam, a Snowflake, and a Raindrop. Each enters for her verse with a chorus group similarly dressed.) SONG: “Sunbeams, Snowflakes, Raindrops” [ ♬ ] sunbeam. (enters to prelude, followed by chorus group of sunbeams) Life depends upon the weather. On a rainy day, Ev’rybody wonder whether Clouds will pass away. Thunders rumble while we grumble. For the sun we sigh. Suddenly we see the azure Gleaming in the sky. Sunbeams! Sunbeams! Now the weather’s fair. Sunbeams! Sunbeams! Glancing ev’rywhere. Flowers springing; birds are singing.
cannibal king. Oh, say, I’ve got one greatest stunt [sic] with toys. I can bring ’em to life! nemo. Oh, go on, King! What are you giving me? cannibal king. Certainly I can. All you got to do is to rub ’em with the leaves of the bamboozle bush. (indicating foliage at R.) nemo. Is that so? (goes L. with box of soldiers) That sounds good to me—that “bamboozle” business. cannibal king. Oh, I do love toys and games. And I love children, too. Light or dark meat—I don’t care. (starts to join Nemo at L.) pygmy. Your Majesty—Jaw dash kokomi wafu. cannibal king. (annoyed) Oh—squish! pygmy. Your Majesty—behold a captive! candy kid. Meaning me! cannibal king. (impatiently) Well, well! He’ll keep, won’t he? Put him in the royal ice box. candy kid. Isn’t he the cold proposition? See here, old Eat-’em-Alive, is that the way you treat people on this island? cannibal king. Certainly! The only way visitors can escape being provisions is by amusing me and teaching me games. nemo. Come on, Kingy! Let’s play soldiers! cannibal king. Well will I! (starts over to Nemo) pygmy. (interfering) Your Majesty! Skipperoosky Calabash (like a dog barking:) wow-wow-wow! cannibal king. (strikes Pygmy, who does acrobatic business) I’ll teach you to bark at your King! pygmy. (excited) Simpilacha basya! savages. (excited) Basya! Basya!
flip. I’m going to be the waiter, and I’ll be glad to serve you in any way. dr. pill. (studying bill of fare) How long will it take to get me planked with a border of fried tomatoes? flip. About twenty minutes. dr. pill. I can’t wait so long. I want to catch a train. missionary. (with bill of fare) I think I will have myself fricasseed with a few spring onions. I’m very nice that way. flip. (as waiter) Very good, sir! dr. pill. Well, I guess I will be picked up in cream with a poached egg on top. flip. Yes, sir. (starts off) dr. pill. And, waiter—be sure the egg is fresh! flip. I’ll speak to the hen myself. missionary. I’ll bet the king is the fellow who put that ad in the paper: “Man cook wanted.” dr. pill. (to Flip) Say—tell me—is there any big game on this island? flip. Sure thing—anything you like. missionary. What is the limit? dr. pill. Fine! I’m glad I came. Big game is my long suit. missionary. Well, I’m something of a shootist myself. dr. pill & flip. You? missionary. Well, I should say so. I’m the only white man who ever killed a monomaniac. (takes a drink from wine bottle) dr. pill. What kind of a wild animal is that? missionary. Well, it is not exactly an animal. It is a sort of a cross between a bird and an oleo margarine!
dr. pill. Oh, I remember him. His physical conformation is horizontal rather than fragmentary. missionary. Tell me—has he not long whiskers like a sciatica? flip. No—no. More like a hydrophobia! dr. pill. I used to keep a tame one in the bathtub. flip. You talk about your big game. There’s only one way to shoot a peninsula. In the early evening, he climbs up the chinchilla tree to rob the nest of the saxophone, whose eggs are his favorite food. You sneak up behind him, put your hand down his throat, and grab him by the tail, turning him inside out—after which he is easily house-trained and so tame that he will eat off your hand. And there it is, in a nutshell. dr. pill. My, such a big nut! missionary. Well, two of us are hunters anyway. dr. pill. Excuse me, please, I am here. flip & missionary. Why, are you a hunter? dr. pill. Don’t make me laugh! Why, before Roosevelt starts for Africa, he wants to have a talk with me and get my advice. Maybe you don’t know it, but I’m the only white man who ever killed a whiffenpoof. flip & missionary. A whiffenpoof! missionary. What in— What is a whiffenpoof? (A giraffe appears looking over the jungle grass and listening.) dr. pill. Huh! Why don’t you read your unnatural history? A whiffenpoof is one of the rarest prehysterical animals. He has a body like a catechism and a face like a worm. missionary. Covered with spots, like an iodoform? (An ostrich appears beside the giraffe in the jungle grass and listens. Business for the two.) flip. How do you shoot him?
When music starts to play: (all three dancing) If I could teach my teddy bear to dance Like the bear I saw in the show, I’d be the happiest girl in the world, But he seems to be so slow. I’ve tried him with the two-step—that won’t do! Oh, I’ve given him ev’ry chance. It would be immense; I would give ten cents, If my teddy bear would learn to dance. {He’s such/He is} a serious sort of bear, Just looks around with a haughty stare, And if I scold, he don’t seem to care. He’s sulky more or less. {If I invite him,/If I write him,} he don’t say no. He’ll move around with me: so—and so— But he don’t care to dance. That I know. Thinks he’s too old, I guess . . . (If desired, children may enter with the different stuffed animal toys now in vogue.) (all three singers dancing) If I could teach my teddy bear to dance Like the bear I saw in the show, I’d be the happiest girl in the world, But he seems to be so slow. I’ve tried him with the two-step—that won’t do! Oh, I’ve given him ev’ry chance. It would be immense; I would give ten cents If my teddy bear would learn to dance. (Dance.) (The animals on the merry-go-round come down and join the dance, then go back to their places.) missionary. (to bear) Now, if you’ll step this way, I’d like to introduce you to some friends of mine. (He takes the bear to the other animals and introduces him. All give him the glad hand.)
dame liberty. (as schoolmarm) Now tell me, children, what does the Fourth of July mean? nemo. It means a lot of business for the doctors. dame liberty. (sharply) Wrong! betty. I know! It’s Uncle Sam’s birthday! dame liberty. Ah! And who can tell what happened on the first Fourth of July? nemo. It rained, as usual. sally. I know: the Declaration of Independence was signed. dame liberty. Ah! And what did the Declaration of Independence mean? sally. We wouldn’t have no more rulers in America. dame liberty. Right! nemo. Why, we got a lot of rulers in America. What’s the matter with the policeman, and the car conductor, and the janitor? dame liberty. Silence! Now where was the Declaration of Independence signed? nemo. (snapping fingers to answer) At the bottom. (Dame Liberty hammers for order.) betty. (speaking parrot-like) The Declaration of Independence was signed at Phillydelphy [sic]. dame liberty. Right! And what did our forefathers do in Philadelphia? nemo. (snapping fingers) They went to sleep. dame liberty. (angry, rapping for order) No! They freed our great and glorious nation. (seriously) And now, children, when you are firing your firecrackers on the Fourth, what must you always remember? nemo. Not to get burned. (A cheer from the children, which is the cue for the following music. As the prelude begins, the entire female chorus enters as Continental soldiers. The Valentine Fairy enters as a Daughter of the Revolution for the solo.)
“hauling down.” Business of “hoisting slacks,” etc.: an exact hornpipe, only danced while seated.) (At end of the dance: groups.) nemo. (playing checkers with Captain Grouch) Hold on, Captain! You have to jump. captain grouch. (angry) Jump! Where? nemo. There! (indicates) Don’t you see? captain grouch. (enraged) Oh! If I could only swear! (jumps on checkerboard) nemo. (jumping) Then I take three of your men, see? captain grouch. (in a terrible rage) Oh fudge! The deuce and the very old dickens! If I could only swear! candy kid. (coming down to Captain Grouch) Well, why don’t you swear if you want to, Captain? nemo. I thought all pirates used bad language. captain grouch. Ay, ay! So they do, my lad, so they do. But not me, not old Bill Grouch. Not us—eh? Lads? pirates. (sadly) Ay, ay, Captain. nemo. Well, why not, Captain? You look as if you’d enjoy swearing. captain grouch. Ay, lad! So I would. Old Tom Grouch loves his language, but thar’s no swearing on board this ’ere pirate craft. The cook won’t let us. nemo, sally, & candy kid. The cook!! captain grouch. Ay, lad! nemo. Why? Doesn’t he ever swear? captain grouch. Ha! ’Tain’t no he; it’s a woman. candy kid. But can she stop you? captain grouch. (alarmed) Sh! My lads, you don’t know her. She’s a hypnotist—this ’ere cook is. Anything she wants us to do, she hypnotizes us. Doesn’t she, lads? all pirates. (sadly) Ay, ay, Captain.
captain grouch. (to Nemo) D’ye see this ’ere crew? A month ago, they was as likely a bunch of cutthroats as ever reefed a spark plug. Now look at us! Look at Richard the Three. Instead of smotherin’ them kids, he reads ’em Mother Goose. Look at Robespierre. He used to be so proud, he cut all his friends dead. Now he uses the guillotine for a manicure set. Instead of a life of crime, what do we do? Play checkers—read Laura Jean, and crochet doylies. It’s ’art-breakin’. nemo. Do you mean to say the cook has got you all hypnotized? all pirates. That’s the idea. captain grouch. Do you know what it’s done? It has made us all woman-haters! Me in particular. This ’ere cook has got us all under her thumb, but if ever any other woman gets aboard this ship— (threatens) Oh!! all pirates. (same business) Oh!! sally. (alarmed) Well, this is no place for me. (starts off) captain grouch. ’Old ’ard, little gal. You don’t need to be skeered none. You ain’t women. You’re kids, you are. Ye may be women someday, but bless ye; that ain’t your fault. Old Charley Grouch may be a woman-hater, but with kids, playful as a kitten is old Ned Grouch, eh lads? all pirates. Ay, ay, Captain. nemo. Well, Captain, you know I beat you that game of checkers. captain grouch. (enraged) Don’t I know it! Oh, if I could only swear! nemo. And you said if I won, you would let all us prisoners go free. captain grouch. And so you shall, lad. (Nemo, Sally, and Betty delighted.) You can leave the ship at once. candy kid. (eagerly) Can we leave the ship? sally. But where shall we go? captain grouch. Right off that plank. (points to plank over the ship’s side) nemo, sally, & candy kid. Off there?
captain grouch. Certain’! I told you, if you beat me two out of three, you was all free, and old Henry Grouch never busted his word to friend or foe. candy kid. Thank you, Captain. sally. You’re awfully good to us. nemo. I’ll call the other prisoners, and they’ll be tickled to death to learn they are free. (picks up a megaphone, calls off R.) Ahoy! Flip! Ahoy! flip. (enters R., loaded with chains) Ay, ay, sir. Morning, Captain! (salutes) nemo. (calling off with megaphone) Missionary, ahoy there! (The Missionary dances on, also in chains.) missionary. Ay, ay, sir. Morning, Captain! (Salutes and stands beside Flip.) nemo. (calls off through megaphone) Ahoy! Dr. Pill! Ahoy. (Dr. Pill enters, chained.) dr. pill. (as he enters, genial to Captain) Ay, ay, sir! Say, Captain, you don’t know how much I’m enjoying this sail on your yacht. I want to thank you— captain grouch. Avast! You lubber. Stow your jaw tackle. dr. pill. What is this he invites me to do? flip. Stow your jaw tackle! In sailor language, that means to put on shoes without nails so you won’t scratch the deck. missionary. No, no, my friends. It comes from the Latin and means that you must slow down to sixty miles an hour, or you’re apt to puncture the topgallant fo’c’s’le. nemo. (to them) Well, fellows, it’s all right. I beat the Captain two-out-of-three, so he’s going to let us go. candy kid. All we have to do is walk off that board there. (indicates the plank) all prisoners. Walk off there!? pirates. That’s all!
(They throw lines over ship’s side.) candy kid. What are we going to catch? nemo. Oh, I don’t expect to catch anything. I’m just fishing. (Cat meows over side.) Sh! There’s a catfish. candy kid. And look at the little ones. nemo. Kitten-fish. (Dog barks over side.) There’s a dog-fish. I didn’t know they let ’em out here without a muzzle. (Rooster crows over side.) candy kid. What kind of a fish is that? nemo. Don’t you know? That’s a chicken-halibut. She supplies the ship with fresh eggs every day. captatin grouch. (offstage) Belay there, you lazy lubbers! Belay! nemo. There’s the Captain! Say, of all the pirates I ever met, he’s the bummest checker-player. candy kid. Maybe he won’t like us to catch his fish. Let’s hide. (Nemo and Candy Kid hide upstage and listen.) (Enter Captain Grouch with a telescope followed by two acrobatic sailors, one of whom carries a keg marked “giant powder.” The other carries two mops and pails.) captain grouch. (as he enters) Avast, you lazy landsharks! Why don’t you do your work proper? Look at this deck. Ain’t been keelhauled for a week. How can anybody sleep in them mainsheets? You never air them. 2 sailors. Ay, ay, Captain. captain grouch. Look at them sails. They ain’t been dusted for a month.