Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) - IMDb IMDb There was an error trying to load your rating for this title. Some parts of this page won't work property. Please reload or try later. X Beta I'm Watching This! Keep track of everything you watch; tell your friends. Error Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels ( 1998 ) R | A botched card game in London triggers four friends, thugs, weed-growers, hard gangsters, loan sharks and debt collectors to collide with each other in a series of unexpected events, all for the sake of weed, cash and two antique shotguns. Director: From $2.99 (SD) on Amazon Video ON DISC Famous Directors: From Sundance to Prominence From Christopher Nolan to Quentin Tarantino and every Coen brother in between, many of today's most popular directors got their start at the Sundance Film Festival . Here's a list of some of the biggest names to go from Sundance to Hollywood prominence.

a list of 25 titles created 27 Aug 2011 a list of 26 titles created 26 Jan 2014 a list of 30 titles created 04 Feb 2015 a list of 22 titles created 22 Feb 2015 a list of 26 titles created 05 Apr 2015 Title: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) 8.2/10 Want to share IMDb's rating on your own site? Use the HTML below. You must be a registered user to use the IMDb rating plugin. Nominated for 1 BAFTA Film Award. Another 13 wins & 7 nominations. See more awards » Videos Unscrupulous boxing promoters, violent bookmakers, a Russian gangster, incompetent amateur robbers, and supposedly Jewish jewelers fight to track down a priceless stolen diamond. Director: Guy Ritchie Renton, deeply immersed in the Edinburgh drug scene, tries to clean up and get out, despite the allure of the drugs and influence of friends.

Director: Danny Boyle In Miami in 1980, a determined Cuban immigrant takes over a drug cartel and succumbs to greed. Director: Brian De Palma After a simple jewelry heist goes terribly wrong, the surviving criminals begin to suspect that one of them is a police informant. Director: Quentin Tarantino "The Dude" Lebowski, mistaken for a millionaire Lebowski, seeks restitution for his ruined rug and enlists his bowling buddies to help get it. Directors: Joel Coen, Ethan Coen Stars: Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Julianne Moore Disgruntled Korean War veteran Walt Kowalski sets out to reform his neighbor, a Hmong teenager who tried to steal Kowalski's prized possession: a 1972 Gran Torino. Director: Clint Eastwood The Bride wakens from a four-year coma. The child she carried in her womb is gone. Now she must wreak vengeance on the team of assassins who betrayed her - a team she was once part of. Director: Quentin Tarantino Greed, deception, money, power, and murder occur between two best friends, a mafia underboss and a casino owner, for a trophy wife over a gambling empire.

Director: Martin Scorsese Directors: Frank Miller, Robert Rodriguez, and 1 more credit » Stars: Mickey Rourke, Clive Owen, Bruce Willis Violence and mayhem ensue after a hunter stumbles upon a drug deal gone wrong and more than two million dollars in cash near the Rio Grande. Directors: Ethan Coen, Joel Coen Stars: Tommy Lee Jones, Javier Bardem, Josh Brolin A former neo-nazi skinhead tries to prevent his younger brother from going down the same wrong path that he did. Director: Tony Kaye 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.3/10 X In London, a real-estate scam puts millions of pounds up for grabs, attracting some of the city's scrappiest tough guys and its more established underworld types, all of whom are looking to get rich quick. While the city's seasoned criminals vie for the cash, an unexpected player -- a drugged-out rock 'n' roller presumed to be dead but very much alive -- has a multi-million-dollar prize fall into...

See full summary » Director: Guy Ritchie Edit Storyline Four Jack-the-lads find themselves heavily - seriously heavily - in debt to an East End hard man and his enforcers after a crooked card game. Overhearing their neighbours in the next flat plotting to hold up a group of out-of-their-depth drug growers, our heros decide to stitch up the robbers in turn. In a way the confusion really starts when a pair of antique double-barrelled shotguns go missing in a completely different scam. Written by Anonymous See All (199) » Taglines: They lost half a million at cards but they've still got a few tricks up their sleeve See more » Genres: Rated R for strong violence, pervasive language, sexuality and drug content | See all certifications » Parents Guide: 28 August 1998 (UK) See more » Also Known As: Juegos, trampas y dos armas humeantes See more » Filming Locations: £941,638 (UK) (28 August 1998) Gross: Did You Know?

Trivia In the starting scene, Bacon says : 'Too late, too late' will be the cry, when the man with the bargains has passed you by. In Elementary (2012), Vinnie Jones , delivers a version of Bacon's dialogue, "'Too late, too late' will be the cry, when the lady with the bag passes by" to Sherlock Holmes. See more » Goofs When Tom speaks with Nick the Greek about buying weapons, Nick the Greek is playing a fruit machine. We hear the sound, but the machine clearly isn't working. See more » Quotes [first lines] Bacon : Right. Let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't, because if you can't see value here today, you're not up here shopping. You're up here shoplifting. You see these goods? Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite. Fanny by the gaslight. Take a bag, c'mon take a bag. I took a bag home last night. Cost me a lot more than ten pound, I can tell you. Anyone like jewelry? Look at that one there. Handmade in Italy, ...

[...] See more » Crazy Credits In the closing credits, the character names in the cast list are shown entirely in lower-case letters with no initial capital letters. See more » Connections Performed by Ocean Colour Scene (as Ocean Color Scene) Courtesy of Universal Music (UK) Ltd. ''And there's one more thing...it's been emotional' says one of the Slickest 'Gangster' flicks ever! 11 May 2008 | by Chrysanthepop (Fraggle Rock) – See all my reviews 'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels' is one of those films that I can watch x number of times and still enjoy it as much as I did in the first viewing. This is pretty much what an action gangster flick should be like. It has all the required ingredients. The action, humour, drama and suspense balance extremely well. Ritchie's writing and direction are excellent as not only does the film keep one at the edge of his/her seat but the characters (including minor ones) are rich. They're over-the-top but that only works for the film.

While the bad guys think they're powerful and all, they're actually portrayed as dumb and the good guys think they're clever and have all the answers to their problems when they're actually not so bright. The characters are portrayed as cool yet they end up getting caught in a mess. The film too is somewhat satirical as it reflects a part of life e.g. the closeness between the four friends, the son following the father's (Big Chris's) footsteps. The humour is mostly dark with sharp, witty and funny dialogues and hilarious situations. It all seems a 'natural' part of the story. Shot in DV, the camera-work and use of music is very effective. The film has a raw and gritty look yet the execution of it makes it very stylish. Richie uses the same style in 'Snatch'. He should become an auteur and make more movies of this kind as it is clearly his fort (remember his disastrous attempt at romance with 'Swept Away'?). All the actors, whether it's Jason Flemyng, Dexter Fletcher, Nick Moran, Jason Statham or more recognized faces like Vinnie Jones and Sting, seem to naturally fit their parts.

'Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels' is one of the coolest 'gangster' flicks. A must watch to those who love action films that have both substance and entertainment. 12 of 15 people found this review helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes Vinnie Jones - IMDb IMDb View Resume | Official Photos » Vincent Peter Jones was born on January 5, 1965 in Watford, England. He first came to public notice as a professional footballer, playing in the English Football League. Noted as one of soccer's hard men, he leaped to fame when a photographer, at a match, snapped him "marking" Newcastle United's Paul Gascoigne , by grabbing his testicles. He has ... See full bio » Born: a list of 42 people created 16 Nov 2011 a list of 26 people created 30 Dec 2012 a list of 42 people created 28 Aug 2014 a list of 25 people created 17 Jan 2015 a list of 25 people created 07 Mar 2015 Do you have a demo reel?

Add it to your IMDbPage How much of Vinnie Jones's work have you seen? User Polls 3 wins & 2 nominations. See more awards » Known For 2014 Mind Games (TV Series) Isaac Vincent - Balloon Boy (2014) ... Isaac Vincent - N.D.E. (2014) ... Isaac Vincent 2014 The Musketeers (TV Series) Labarge 2005 Mysterious Island (TV Movie) Bob - Do the D'DEW (2016) ... (performer: "A Dark Season" - uncredited) - Love and Death (2016) ... (performer: "Love Makes the World Brand New" - uncredited) - Giants vs. Dwarves (2016) ...

(performer: "My Dragon Pal and Me" - uncredited) 2014 The Galavant Showcase (TV Movie documentary) (performer: "Goodnight My Friend", "Galavant") 2002 Martine (TV Movie) (performer: "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown") 2014 The Galavant Showcase (TV Movie documentary) Himself 2014 Top 40 Ultimate Action Movies (TV Movie documentary) Himself - Presenter 2013 Behind the Scenes: Ambushed (Video documentary short) Himself 2013 Vinnie Jones: Russia's Toughest (TV Series documentary) Himself - Host - Poacher Squad (2013) ... Himself - Host - Bodyguards (2013) ...

Himself - Host 2012 Mad Mad World (TV Series) Himself - Special Guest 2010 Celebrity Big Brother (TV Series) Himself 2010 Cue the Clown (Video documentary short) Himself (uncredited) 2010 Ready Aim Fire (Video documentary short) Himself - Mcteague 2010 2010 Britannia Awards (TV Special) Himself 2009 Hollywood Lives (TV Series documentary) Himself - Actor 2009 Piers Morgan On...

(TV Series) Himself 2007 The 100 Greatest Sex Symbols (TV Movie documentary) Himself 2007 Movie Connections (TV Series documentary) Himself 2001-2007 HBO First Look (TV Series documentary) Himself 2007 WWE Backlash (TV Special) Himself 2007 Janice & Abbey (TV Series) Himself 2006 X-Men: Evolution of a Trilogy (Video documentary short) Himself 2006 X-Men: The Excitement Continues (Video documentary short) Himself 2006 Toyota Pro/Celebrity Race (TV Movie) Himself 2005 Orange Playlist (TV Series) Himself 2005 Tubridy Tonight (TV Series) Himself 2005 Excellent Adventure (TV Series documentary) Himself 2004 Christmas in Tinseltown (TV Short documentary) Himself 2004 Tinseltown TV (TV Series) Himself 2003 The Importance of Being Famous (TV Movie documentary) Himself 2003 Tussen de sterren (TV Series documentary) Himself 2003 Top Gear (TV Series) Himself 20

02 Football Shorts (TV Movie documentary) Host 2001 Live Lunch (TV Series) Himself - Interviewee 2001 The Royal Variety Performance 2001 (TV Special documentary) Performer 2001 Making 'Snatch' (Video documentary short) Himself 2000 This Is Your Life (TV Series documentary) Himself 2000 Omnibus (TV Series documentary) Himself 2000 Victoria's Secrets (TV Movie) Himself 1999 TFI Friday (TV Series) Himself 1998 WWF Capital Carnage (TV Special) Himself 1997 Brit Awards 1997 (TV Special) Himself - Presenter, Best British Group Award 1996 World in Action (TV Series documentary) Himself 1996 Clash of the Titans (TV Series documentary) Himself 1993 Sean's Show (TV Series) Himself 1993 The Word (TV Series) Himself 1992 Soccer's Hard Men (Video documentary) Himself - Presenter 2015 TFI Friday (TV Series) Himself 2015 The Football Mavericks (TV Mini-Series documentary) Himself 20

14 Football Focus (TV Series) Himself 2007 British Film Forever (TV Mini-Series documentary) Big Chris TV commercial for Puma (2002).

See more » Publicity Listings: 3 Interviews | 2 Articles | 1 Pictorial | 4 Magazine Cover Photos | See more » Official Sites: Did You Know? Personal Quote: [the critics] say that about every film - that it will be my last one. My next one, in Australia, will be my 30th. See more » Trivia: Is friends with actor Jason Statham , and worked with him three times: first in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998), then in Snatch (2000) and in Mean Machine (2001). See more » Trademark: Often plays a very angry brute character, who swears a lot at people he dislikes. Nickname: Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels | Scotts Blog Film & TV On the pitch, he monstered players and reduced Gazza to tears, but how easy did Vinnie Jones find it to transfer his hard man ‘skills’ to the silver screen? In the wake of its success, it’s hard to believe anyone had doubts about Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels.

But in the run up to its release in 1998, all the buzz was that the gangster movie was going to bomb. Why? Well, there was the fact that no one had heard of leading men Nick Moran and Jason Statham. Then there was the writer-director Guy Ritchie whose only significant work to date was a string of German music videos and a short 20 minute film, The Hard Case. If all that wasn’t enough, the picture starred Vinnie Jones. Yes, nose-biting, testicle squeezing Vinnie Jones, the most certifiable member of Wimbledon’s Crazy Gang. If anything was more surprising than the presence of the former Wales captain, it was the fact that Ritchie had written the role especially for him. As the X-Men star explains, “I asked Guy whether that was true and he said that the Vinnie Jones-type characters he’d seen in movies before always bored him. So he went out and got the real thing.” Given that the cast featured guys as experienced as Dexter Fletcher, Jason Flemyng and Steven Mackintosh, things could have been rather tough for the debuting Jones.

But while their characters might have lived in fear of the debt collecting Big Chris, the performers were quick to embrace the newcomer, as Vinnie remembers. “The guys were great to me. They couldn’t have done more to make me feel welcome.” And what did his co-stars make of his hard man reputation? “I had everyone over for a big party at my place and I think that put to rest all the stuff the boys might have read in the papers. I remember reading an interview with Guy after the film came out where he called me ‘An absolute diamond’. That meant a lot to me.” With some 70 movies now to his name, Vinnie Jones has a good claim to being the most successful professional athlete to make the transition to film. And if you were wondering whether acting and football have anything in common, it turns out it’s more than you’d imagine. “People say that playing against great players makes you raise your game. It’s the same with acting. Working with people like Jason Flemyng on Lock, Stock, Lennie James on Snatch, Robert Duvall on Gone In Sixty Seconds, you have to be on the top of your game. Those guys – everyone I’ve worked with, really – have been incredible.

Robert Duvall had a great piece of advice. He told me to forget about the camera and remember that when you’re talking to another actor, you should be listening to them and they should be listening to you. The camera’s rolling all the time and will capture everything. What’s important is to really communicate.” Shop some classic Original Penguin gear. Available now from Scotts About the Author Richard Luck Richard is an award-winning feature writer, critic and author. Formerly Film4.com's deputy editor, he regularly contributes to Empire, Esquire, SFX and DVD And Blu-ray Review, and has written books on Steve McQueen, Sam Peckinpah, the Beastie Boys and the Madchester music scene. Share this The Best New Indie(ish) Tracks Of The Month: September Read The Premier League’s love-hate relationship with Brazilians Read 12 Fascinating Facts About ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’ | Mental Floss 12 Fascinating Facts About ‘Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels’ YouTube Like us on Facebook Now he’s the guy who makes those frenetic Sherlock Holmes movies and used to be married to Madonna.

But Guy Ritchie was once the guy who made Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, a smash hit in England, a cult hit in the U.S., and the instigator of a new cycle of rough British crime comedies. Not bad for a guy’s first feature film. Grab a cup of tea (the entire British Empire was built on them, you know), and enjoy these tidbits about some of London’s most unsavory characters. 1. MRS. STING HELPED IT GET MADE. Trudie Styler, a producer, actress, and wife of Sting, found the screenplay in the mid-1990s and basically loved it. What she didn’t love was the presentation: “It wasn’t an easy read,” she said . “It was a very long, rambling screenplay with terrible typos, and really poorly presented.” (Sounds like Guy Ritchie is even more similar to Quentin Tarantino than we realized.) Fortunately, the substance of what Ritchie was trying to achieve shone through his inelegant presentation. He’d also made a short film, “The Hard Case,” that showed Styler his potential. 2. TOM CRUISE HELPED IT GET RELEASED IN THE U.S.

The film was having trouble finding an American distributor when Trudie Styler called an acquaintance of hers, a movie star named Tom Cruise. Would he be interested in attending a screening for potential buyers in Hollywood? Not to become a buyer himself, necessarily, but just to see the movie? Cruise went to the screening, surrounded by suits and number-crunchers, and was a vocal and enthusiastic viewer. Producer Matthew Vaughn later recalled , “It was hysterical. You had all these mid-level executives sitting there, and Cruise walked in. He saw them all sit up and pay attention, all getting on their phones, and suddenly all these senior executives joined the screening … At the end, Tom got up in front of everyone and said ‘This is the best movie I’ve seen in years, you guys would be fools not to buy it.’” 3. BRAD PITT WAS A FAN, TOO—WHICH IS WHY HE’S IN SNATCH. When Mr. Jolie sees a movie he loves, he’s been known to call the person who made it. That’s exactly what he did with Guy Ritchie. “He called me and told me that he wanted to be part of whatever I was doing next,” the director said .

That turned out to be Snatch. Pitt and Ritchie remain friends to this day (or to the day of that 2013 Esquire interview, anyway). 4. THE BUDGET STARTED AT £20,000,000 AND WAS GRADUALLY REDUCED TO £800,000. The initial budget was probably unrealistic for a first-time filmmaker anyway, though it’s indicative of how highly regarded Ritchie’s screenplay was (typos and all). After a flurry of excitement, and even some auditions and casting, much of the financing fell through and the project was postponed. Ritchie started making cuts (including everyone’s salary) and found new backers (including his own godparents ), but it took a couple years. By that time, the slick production had become a scrappy, low-budget one, which probably better suited the underdog tone of the story anyway. 5. RAY WINSTONE WAS SUPPOSED TO PLAY HATCHET HARRY. Stuart Wilson/Getty Images The English character actor was originally cast in the role, but had to drop out when the aforementioned delays screwed up the schedule. He was replaced by P.H. Moriarty.

YouTube Fittingly, Winstone went on to star in Sexy Beast (2000), a British gangster film clearly inspired by Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. 6. THE JOKE ABOUT SOMEONE FORGETTING TO BRING THE GUNS WAS ADDED BECAUSE, UMM, SOMEONE FORGOT TO BRING THE GUNS. “Have you forgotten those guns, you dozy prat?” Bacon (Jason Statham) asks when the guys are preparing to rob the other gang of robbers, about 73 minutes into the film. As it turns out, someone had indeed neglected to bring the prop guns to the set that day. With no time to retrieve them, Ritchie had Statham make a joke out of it. 7. JASON STATHAM WAS SELLING FAKE PERFUME ON THE STREET WHEN GUY RITCHIE FOUND HIM. Statham was doing some modeling work in the mid-1990s, but to supplement his income he also sold fake jewelry and perfume on street corners—“hustling,” as he put it .

(His dear old dad had done the same in his day.) It was in this capacity that he was introduced to Ritchie, who needed a con artist for Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and who’d already cast Statham’s friend, Vinnie Jones. It was the beginning of Statham’s acting career, and presumably the end of his fake-perfume-and-jewelry-vending career. 8. OF THE 44 SPEAKING ROLES, AT LEAST 17 WERE PLAYED BY PEOPLE WHO’D NEVER ACTED ON FILM OR TV BEFORE. To get the film made, Ritchie called in favors and even put crew members to work in front of the camera. He also cast a lot of unknown (read: inexpensive) fledgling actors. A handful of them, like Statham and former soccer player Vinnie Jones, went on to have acting careers. Several others didn’t, either staying behind the scenes or leaving the business altogether. 9. MADONNA LIKED THE SOUNDTRACK SO MUCH SHE RELEASED IT ON HER RECORD LABEL (AND THEN MARRIED THE DIRECTOR).

The Queen of Pop was among the movie’s famous fans, and was particularly fond of its eclectic Brit-rock soundtrack. She contacted Ritchie and producer Matthew Vaughn and asked if her label, Maverick, could release the film’s soundtrack in the U.S. Ritchie said she “wined and dined” them in Hollywood a few times, but that it was Vaughn she was romantically interested in, not him. Madonna and Ritchie did start dating, though. They were married in 2000 (and divorced in 2008). 10. IT GOT A NEW ENDING AFTER TEST SCREENINGS. The movie originally left things open-ended, with the four main characters walking off with the money and Big Chris (Vinnie Jones) and his son about to follow them to get it back. Test audiences didn’t care for it. Scrambling, Ritchie came up with the new, more elaborate finale (written “on the back of a [cigarette] packet,” according to star Nick Moran, who played Eddy), and the cast was reassembled to film it some months after the initial shoot had ended.

One problem: Jason Flemyng, who plays Tom, had grown his hair out for another project and couldn’t cut it, which is why Tom wears a stocking cap in the last several minutes of the movie. YouTube 11. SUPERMODEL CLAUDIA SCHIFFER WAS LEFT ON THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR. She played Eddy’s girlfriend but was cut from the film entirely after test screenings. (The movie doesn’t have much use for female characters in general.) Happy ending, though: it was here that she met producer Matthew Vaughn, whom she later married. 12. IT WAS TURNED INTO A TV SHOW. Lock, Stock... (as it was called ) ran for seven episodes in the U.K. in the summer of 2000, centering on the occasionally criminal adventures of four friends who run a London pub called The Lock. None of the movie’s cast members were involved, and all of the characters except Bacon were renamed (or maybe it’s a different Bacon, who knows?). Guy Ritchie co-wrote the pilot but otherwise was not heavily involved.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels Movie Quotes Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels [1998] Genre: Comedy, Crime Cockney boys Tom, Soap, Eddie, and Bacon are in a bind; they owe seedy criminal and porn king "Hatchet" Harry a sizable amount of cash after Eddie loses half a million in a rigged game of poker. Hot on their tails is a thug named Big Chris who intends to send them all to the hospital if they don't come up with the cash in the allotted time. Add into the mix an incompetent set of ganja cultivators, two dimwitted robbers, a "madman" with an afro, and a ruthless band of drug dealers and you have an astonishing movie called Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Before the boys can blink, they are caught up in a labyrinth of double-crosses that lead to a multitude of dead bodies, copious amounts of drugs, and two antique rifles. Written and directed by talented newcomer Guy Ritchie, this is one of those movies that was destined to become an instant cult classic à la Reservoir Dogs.

Although some comparisons were drawn between Ritchie and Quentin Tarantino, it would be unfair to discount the brilliant wit of the story and the innovative camerawork that the director brings to his debut feature. Not since The Krays has there been such an accurate depiction of the East End and its more colorful characters. Indicative of the social stratosphere in London, Ritchie's movie is a hilarious and at times touching account of friendships and loyalty. The director and his mates (who make up most of the cast) clearly are enjoying themselves here. This comes across in some shining performances, in particular from ex-footballer Vinnie Jones (Big Chris) and an over-the-top Vas Blackwood (as Rory Breaker), who very nearly steals the show. Full of quirky vernacular and clever tension-packed action sequences, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is a triumph--a perfect blend of intelligence, humor, and suspense. --Jeremy Storey Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels - About The Cast Buy The Soundtrack. JASON FLEMYNG plays Tom the quick thinking, entrepreneurial member of Eddy's gang. He's always on the look out to make a fast buck.

The last year has proved extremely busy for Flemyng and he is currently being tipped as one of the U.K.'s most talented young actors. His credits include: The James Gang, Rob Roy, Jungle Book, The Hollow Reed, Stealing Beauty and Alive and Kicking. DEXTER FLETCHER plays Soap the only one of Eddy's gang to earn an honest living as a chef. "Soap is a clean living chef, who doesn't like to get his hands dirty, hence his name. He's the only legitimate one out of the bunch. He sets out to make a fast buck but ends up embroiled with some nasty gangsters. Fletcher is a well known British star of film, stage and TV. His previous credits include: Jude the Obscure, The Rachel Papers, When The Whales Came, Lionheart, The Elephant Man, The Long Good Friday and Bugsy Malone. "I think this film reflects real life. Guy really knows his subject and always looks for the truth in a situation. He captures the mentality and lifestyle of these characters acutely.

This is what gives LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS it's authenticity." NICK MORAN plays the lead Eddy, a streetwise charmer and ace card shark. Moran had a natural feel for the part since his family originally came from the East End. "My Dad used to work as a meat porter around this area so he told me stories about the pubs and the characters you used to get hanging about. To be honest the script was so good - all you had to do was stick to it." He did spend time researching 'career' gamblers in action. "I have friends who work as croupiers, so I went to a few casinos and watched how gamblers behave and how little they gave away." Moran's past credits include: Miss Monday, Clancy's Kitchen, The Future Lasts a Long Time, Hard Days, Hard Nights, Buddy's Song. JASON STATHAM plays Bacon the 'muscle' within Eddy's gang. LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS is Statham's first feature, indeed his first acting role. Ritchie spotted him when he was modelling in a Levi's Jeans commercial.

In addition to being a successful model, Statham has other rather salubrious life experiences. He had genuine experience for the role of Bacon, as he used to work on Oxford Street selling 'dodgy perfume. "Street theatre is great training for acting." STEVEN MACKINTOSH plays Winston, a sloane ranger, who fancies himself as a drugs dealer but learns to his cost that he is way out of his depth. Mackintosh has appeared in many high profile films including: Land Girls, Twelfth Night, The Grotesque, The Buddha of Surburbia, Princess Caraboo, Muppets Christmas Carol, London Kills Me, Memphis Belle, Prick Up Your Ears and Treasure Island. VINNIE JONES plays Big Chris, a menacing debt collector capable of extreme violence. He is also a devoted and caring father to Little Chris (Peter McNicoll), who he keeps by his side at all times. Big Chris was actually the first character to be cast, I've been involved in this film right from the beginning. I started talking to Guy and Matthew about it two years ago because in Guy's early notes he'd written Big Chris should be like the footballer Vinnie Jones.

That's where they got the idea to ask me." P.H. MORIARTY plays Hatchet Harry, a gangster who controls a porn empire and has a penchant for antique shot guns. Playing Hatchet Harry came very naturally to Moriarty since he had played 'hard men' characters in several of his previous films, particularly the role of Razors in the classic British gangster movie The Long Good Friday. His past credits include: Quadrophenia, Scum, The Inside Man, Patriot Games. Having grown up and lived in London all his life there was little research that Moriarty needed to do for the role. Movie Review - - FILM REVIEW; Keeping the Thugs in Constant Motion - NYTimes.com FILM REVIEW; Keeping the Thugs in Constant Motion By JANET MASLIN Published: March 5, 1999 Guy Ritchie's brash, ebullient direction of his first feature, ''Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels,'' makes it very obvious that he honed his style making music videos and commercials. And for once that doesn't hurt.

The punchy little flourishes that load this English gangster film with attitude are perfectly welcome, because there's no honest, substantial part of the movie they can hurt. Mr. Ritchie is skillful enough to make a fine feat of macho gamesmanship out of the way four sets of East End crooks keep outsmarting one another. And if that means having them all arm for battle while the ''Zorba the Greek'' theme music heightens the intensity of the moment, well, why not? Touches like that, along with flashy, random shifts of film speed and a true rogues' gallery of striking if one-note characters, do hold interest even if they have no real right to. The commercial aspects also deflect attention from the fact that this story has almost no center at all. The closest it comes to heroes are the four savvy young con men whom the film introduces first. Mr. Ritchie brings on Eddie (Nick Moran), Tom (Jason Flemying), Bacon (Jason Statham) and Soap (Dexter Fletcher) as if they were the ''Trainspotting'' crew, but the story soon begins to lose them in the shuffle.

Thick accents, desaturated brownish color and 20-odd actors with comparably important roles don't do much to alleviate this mild confusion. Perhaps Eddie qualifies as the main character because Sting plays his father, a bar owner named J. D., and because it's Eddie's gaffe that gets the ball rolling. Eddie is a card shark, and because his pals are tired of selling stolen merchandise on London sidewalks and other dubious pursuits, they help him enter a secret high-stakes game run by Hatchet Harry (P. H. Moriarity), a shrewd old pornography merchant and crime boss. The dialogue sets the humorously hard-boiled tone, as when these two first meet and Eddie is introduced as J. D.'s son. ''You must be Harry,'' Eddie coolly remarks. ''Sorry, didn't know your father.'' And Harry answers: ''Never mind, son. You just might meet him if you carry on like that.'' There's a lot more manly posturing along those lines as the story gets rolling.

(The only women in the film are a card dealer, a topless dancer and a person too easily mistaken for a pile of throw pillows.) And things get downright dangerous after Eddie finds himself heavily in debt to Harry and his henchman, Barry the Baptist (Lenny McLean), who earned his nickname by drowning people. Harry and Barry are the film's closest approximation of senior statesmen, and they also embody Mr. Ritchie's way of recruiting born bruisers to add color to his story. The cast also includes a few real ex-convicts and the glowering English soccer star Vinnie Jones. The film is dedicated to Mr. McLean, the cockney world heavyweight bare knuckle champion who was just embarking on an acting career when he died last year. While Eddie et al. scramble to raise the money they owe Harry, Harry hires his own team of bumbling thieves to procure the two antique rifles that figure in the title. Meanwhile some stoned aristocratic slackers are raising a healthy marijuana crop, and a separate gang of drug dealers is operating right next door to the apartment of Eddie and friends, where it's easy to hear through walls. Enough?

Not until the film throws in a Samoan bar and yet another gang, with a leader whose quaint cockneyisms (''Chevy Chase'' for ''face'') add further to the melee atmosphere. With a big debt to ''The Usual Suspects'' and ''Reservoir Dogs,'' like the approach to population control, Mr. Ritchie revels in the sheer knottiness of all this scheming. He makes it lively while it lasts and empty when it's over. ''Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels'' is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian). It includes one extremely deadly shootout and other incidences of violence that are more jokey. Sort of. One scene finds a drug dealer using an upside-down underling as a target while he hits golf balls. LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS Written and directed by Guy Ritchie; director of photography, Tim Maurice-Jones; edited by Niven Howie; music by David A. Hughes and John Murphy; production designers, Iain Andrews and Eve Mavrakis; produced by Matthew Vaughn; released by Gramercy Pictures. Running time: 106 minutes. This film is rated R.

WITH: Jason Flemyng (Tom), Dexter Fletcher (Soap), Nick Moran (Eddie), Jason Statham (Bacon), Vinnie Jones (Big Chris), P. H. Moriarty (Hatchet Harry), Lenny McLean (Barry the Baptist) and Sting (J. D.). Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels - Wikiquote Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels From Wikiquote Jump to: navigation , search Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is a 1998 film about four London working class stiffs who pool their money to enter a high stakes card game, but things go wrong and they end up owing half a million pounds, with one week to come up with the cash. Written and directed by Guy Ritchie . A Disgrace to Criminals Everywhere. Anyway, fuck it. The battle is over and the war is won. No, fuck that. You can think about it. I am panicking and I'm off. [To Tom about the guns] So, the only thing connecting us to the case is in the back of your car, which is parked outside? They're lacking in criminal credibility, ain't they? I might get laughed at.

There's no money, there's no weed. It's all been replaced by a pile of corpses. Bacon[ edit ] Let me tell you about Hatchet Harry. Once there was this geezer called Smithy Robinson, who worked for Harry. It was rumoured that he was on the take. Harry's invited Smithy 'round for explanation. Smithy didn't do a very good job. Within a minute, Harry's lost his rag. Reached out for the nearest thing at hand, which happened to be a 15-inch black rubber cock. He's then proceeded to batter poor Smithy to death with it. Now, that was seen as a pleasant way to go. Hence, Hatchet Harry is the man you pay if you owe. [To Dog holding up a gun] Bend over the fucking desk! Soap[ edit ] Oi! Keep your fingers out of my soup! You're not funny, Tom. You're fat, and look as though you should be, but you're not! Cupid, stupid! Rory Breaker[ edit ] If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kind of pussy to drink it. What do you want, a medal?

I'll shoot you in the fucking throat if I don't get my ganja back! Mr. Breaker … today, my name is Mr. Breaker! This white shite thinks he can steal my cannabis and sell it back to me? He's got less brains than you, Lenny! Get Nick, the greasy wop, shistos, pesevengi, gamouri Greek bastard, round here now, if he's still stupid enough to be on this planet! We're gonna do a proper decoration job. I want the grey skies of London illuminated. I want that house painted red. If you hold back anything i'll kill ya. If you bend the truth, or I think you're bending the truth i'll kill ya. If you forget anything i'll kill ya. In fact you are going to have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything i've said? [Nick nods head] Because if you don't i'll kill ya. Now, Mr. Bubble and Squeak, you may enlighten me. Barry the Baptist[ edit ] No mortgages, no debts – lock, stock, the fucking lot. [Trying to stop his monitor switching off] Come on!

Not now, please, not – [monitor goes off] oh, you fucking bastard. Hello boy, feeling a bit poorly? I know your friends are responsible for most of the cash, so I'm gonna give you one week to find it. Otherwise, I will take a finger of each of you and your friends' hands for every day that passes without payment. And then, when you run out of digits, your dad's bar, and who knows what then. All right, my son? If you don't want to be counting the fingers you haven't got, I suggest you get those guns. Quick! When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop. Others[ edit ] Barfly Jack: Rory? Yeah, I know Rory. He's not to be underestimated. He's a funny-looking fucker, I know, but you've got to look past the hair and the cute, cuddly thing – it's all a deceptive facade. A few nights ago Rory's Roger iron's busted, so he's gone down the battlecruiser to watch the end of the football game. No one's watching the custard, so he switches the channel over.

A fat geezer's north opens, and he wanders up and turns the Liza over. "Now fuck off and watch it somewhere else!" Rory knows claret is imminent, but he doesn't want to miss the end of the game. So, calm as a coma, he picks up a fire extinguisher, walks straight past the jam rolls who are ready for action, and plonks it outside the entrance. He then orders an Aristotle of the most ping-pong tiddly in the nuclear sub and switches back to his footer. "That's fucking it," says the geezer. "That's fucking what?" says Rory. And he gobs out a mouthful of booze covering fatty. He flicks a flaming match into his bird's nest and the geezer's lit up like a leaking gas pipe. Rory, unfazed, turns back to his game. His team's won, too: four–nil. Big Chris: It's been emotional. Big Chris: All right, son. Roll them guns up, count the money, and put your seat belt on! Dog: Golf – the best way to spoil a good walk. Winston Churchill said that. I say it's a dog-eat-dog world.

And I got bigger teeth than you two. Hatchet Harry: I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets. J.D.: You're lucky you're still breathing, let alone able to walk. I suggest you take full advantage of that fact. Winston: Charles, get the rifle out. We're being fucked! Dialogue[ edit ] Bacon: Right. Let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't. Because if you can't see value here today, you're not up here shopping, you're up here shoplifting. You see these goods? Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite; Fanny by the gaslight. Take a bag, come mon, take a bag. I took a bag home last night. Cost me a lot more than ten pound, I can tell you. Anyone like jewellery? Look at that one there. Handmade in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney. It's as long as my arm; I wish it was as long as something else. Don't think because these boxes are sealed up, they're empty.

The only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker, and by the look of some of you lot today, I'd make more money with me measuring tape. Here, one price. Ten pound. Eddie: Did you say ten pound? Bacon: Are you deaf? Eddie: That's a bargain. I'll take one. Bacon: Squeeze in if you can. Left leg, right leg, your body will follow. They call it walking. You want one as well, darling? You do? That's it, they're waking up! Treat the wife. Treat somebody else's wife. It's a lot more fun if you don't get caught. Hold on. You want one as well? Okay, darling, show me a bit of life, then. It's no good standing out there like one o'clock half-struck. Buy them, you better buy them. These are not stolen, they just haven't been paid for, and we can't get them again, they've changed the bloody locks. Here, one for you. It's no good coming back later when I've sold out. "Too late, too late" will be the cry when the man with the bargains has passed you by.

If you got no money on you now, you'll be crying tears as big as October cabbages. Eddie: Bacon, cozzers! Bacon: Shit. [quickly throws all the goods inside a suitcase and starts running] Nick the Greek: [haggling with Tom] What else do I get with it? Tom: You get a gold-plated Rolls Royce, as long as you pay for it. Nick the Greek: Dunno, Tom. Seems expensive. Tom: Seems? Well, this seems to be a waste of my time. That is a 900 nicker in any shop you're lucky enough to find one in. And you're complaining about 200? What school of finance did you study? It's a deal, it's a steal, it's the sale of the fucking century. In fact, fuck it, Nick, I think I'll keep it! Nick the Greek: All right, all right, keep your Alans on! [Nick pulls a massive wad of money out of his pocket] Nick the Greek: Here's a ton. Tom and Eddie: Jesus Christ! Eddie: You could choke a dozen donkeys on that!

And you're haggling over one hundred pound? What do you do when you're not buying stereos, Nick, finance revolutions? Nick the Greek: 100 pounds is still 100 pounds. Tom: Not when the price is 200 pounds, it's not! And certainly not when you've got Liberia's deficit in your skyrocket. Tighter than a duck's butt, you are. Now, come on, let me feel the fiber of your fabric. J: [discussing their careers as marijuana growers] I've a strong suspicion we should have been rocket scientists, or Nobel Peace Prize winners … something. Charles: Peace Prize? Oh, be lucky to find your penis for a piss, the amount you keep smoking. Winston: Charles, why have we got that cage? Charles: Uh, security. Winston: That's right, that's right – security. So what's the point in having it if we're not going to fucking use it? Charles: Well, I would've used it, but this is Willie, and Willie lives here. Winston: Yes, Charles, but you didn't know it was Willie until you opened the door, did you?

Willie: Chill, Winston, it's me. Charlie knows it's me, what's the problem? Winston: The problem is, Willie, that Charles and yourself are not the quickest of cats at the best of times. So just do as I say and keep the fucking cage locked! … What is that? Willie: That's Gloria. Winston: Yes, I know that's Gloria. What's that? Willie: Uh, fertilizer. Winston: You went out six hours ago to buy a money counter, and you come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a bag of fertilizer? Alarm bells are ringing, Willie! Willie: We need fertilizer, Winston. Winston: Mm-hm, we also need a money counter. This money's got to be out by Thursday, I'm buggered if I'm gonna count it. Oh, and, uhm, if you do have to buy sodding fertilizer, could you just be a little more subtle? Willie: What do you mean? Winston: We grow copious amounts of ganja, yeah? Willie: Yeah. Winston: And you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer.

You don't look like your average horti-fucking-culturist! That's what I mean, Willie. Big Chris: I've got some bad news for you, John. John: What the fuck? [Chris slams the top of the tanning bed on John] Big Chris: Mind your language in front of the boy! John: Jesus Christ! Big Chris: That includes blasphemy as well! Little Chris: Fucking hell, John, you always walk around with that in your pocket? Big Chris: Hey! You use language like that again, son, you'll wish you hadn't! Barry the Baptist: [turns around from stripper] Right, where was we? Gary: Shotguns? Well, like guns that fire shots? Barry the Baptist: Oh, you must be the brains, then. That's right, guns that fire shots. Make sure you bring everything from inside the gun cabinet. There'll be a load of old guns, that's all I want. Everything else, outside the cabinet, you can keep, it's yours. Gary: [sarcastically] Oh, thank you very much. There better be something there for us. Barry the Baptist: It's a fucking stately home.

Of course there'll be something there. Dean: Like what? Barry the Baptist: Like fucking antiques. Dean: Antiques? What the fuck do we know about antiques? We rob post offices … Gary: … and steal cars. Dean: What the fuck do we know about antiques, mate? Barry the Baptist: If it looks old, it's worth money. Simple. So stop fucking moaning and rob the place! Gary: So who's the Guv? Who we doing this for? Barry the Baptist: You're doing it for me is all you need to know. You know because you need to know. Gary: I see. One of those "on a need to know basis" things, is it? Like one of those James Bond films. Barry the Baptist: Careful. Remember who's giving you this job. … Right, I'm off. Call me when you're done. Ta-ta. [He gets up and walks off] Barry the Baptist: Fucking northern monkeys! Gary: I hate these fucking southern fairies. Security #1: [upon seeing Eddie and friends] Invitations. Eddie: Invitations? Security #2: Yeah, invitations.

You know, four pretty white pieces of paper with your names on. Eddie: Well, we've got a 100.000 bits of paper with the Queen's head on. Will that do? Security #2: All right, just you. The others, they can wait next door in Samoan Jo's. Eddie: Samoan Jo's, you mean the pub? Hold on … Security #2: [interrupting Eddie] Hold on to your fucking tongue, and I will hold on to my patience, okay, sonny? No one in here tonight but card players, and I do mean no one. Hatchet Harry: You must be Eddie, J.D.'s son. Eddie: You must be Harry. Sorry, didn't know your father. Hatchet Harry: Never mind, son. You just might meet him if you carry on like that. [At Samoan's Jo's] Bacon: What's that? Barman: It's a cocktail. You asked for a cocktail. Bacon: No, I asked you to give me a refreshing drink! Wasn't expecting a fucking rainforest. You could fall in love with an orangutan in there!

Barman: You want a pint, go to the pub. Bacon: I thought this was a pub! Barman: It's a Samoan pub. Don: Fold. Phil: Fold? Is that the only word they taught you at school, Donald? Don: No, Phil. They also taught me the word "cunt"! Bacon: The odds are a hundred to one. All we need is five grand. Soap: I'd rather put my money on a three-legged rocking horse. The odds are a hundred to one for a good reason, Bacon. It won't win! Tom: Listen to this one: you open a company called the "Arse Tickler's Faggots Fan Club". Soap: You what? Tom: You take out an advert in the back page of some gay mag, advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos. You sell it with, I dunno, "does what no other dildo can do until now", "the latest and greatest in sexual technology", "guaranteed results or your money back", all that bollocks. Now, these dils cost twenty-five quid a pop.

That's a snip for the amount of pleasure they're gonna give the recipients. But they send their cheques to the other company name – nothing offensive, er, "Bobbie's Bits" or something – for twenty-five quid. You take that twenty-five quid, you stick it in the bank until it clears. Now, this is the smart bit. You send back the cheque for twenty-five pound from the other company name, "Arse Tickler's Faggots Fan Club", saying we're sorry, we couldn't get the supplies from America because they ran out of stock. Now, you see how many people cash that cheque: not a single soul, because who wants their bank manager to know they tickle arse when they're not paying cheques? Bacon: So how long do you have to wait until you see a return? Tom: Probably no more than four weeks. Bacon: A month? So, what fucking good is that if we need it in six – no, five days? Tom: Well, it's still a good idea. Barry the Baptist: Hello, my son. Do you want a lolly? Little Chris: Piss off, you nonce!

Barry the Baptist: (points at Gary's hair) Oi, is your hair supposed to look like that? Alright, short stuff? Dean: Never mind short stuff. Listen, the next time we do a job like this we gonna want more money Barry, or we are going back to post offices and cars, fuck that. (opens the trunk with the guns) Barry the Baptist: Where's the others? Dean: There we no others. Barry the Baptist: Stop fucking around. The others, the old ones? Dean: I don't know what you mean. Barry the Baptist: There were two old guns there. Where're they now? Dean: Not in the cabinet there wasn't. There was a couple of old hammer-lock muskets the butler was carrying, but they were ours - were sold 'em! Barry the Baptist: Well you better un-sell 'em, sharpish. Dean: We had to sell 'em, we needed the money! Barry the Baptist: I'm not fucking interested! If you don't want to be countin' the fingers you haven't got, or sharing a bed with the Anti-Christ, I want those guns! QUICK! Dean: ...Alright, Barry.

Calm down. We'll get them, alright? Barry the Baptist: Now fuck off, you scouse cunts! Eddie: Right. We hit them as soon as they come back. We'll be prepared, waiting. And they're armed … Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean, armed? Armed with what? Eddie: Er, bad breath, colourful language, feather duster … what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit! Soap: Guns? You never said anything about guns. A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia! Eddie: Soap, stop being such a mincer. I've thought about that, and … Soap: And what, exactly? Eddie: And, all we have to do is find out who's carrying them. Soap: Carrying them? Well, they could all be carrying them for what we know! Eddie: No. Only one of them carries them going to the job, so I assume the same one will be carrying them when they come back from the job. Soap: Oh, you assume, do you?

And what did they say about assumptions being the brother of all fuck-ups? Tom: It's the mother of all fuck-ups, stupid. Soap: Well, brother, mother, or any other sucker! It don't make any difference. They're still fucking guns, and they still fire fucking bullets! Nick the Greek: Weed? Tom: No, it's not normal weed. It's some fucked-up skunk, class A, I-can't-think-let-alone-move shit. Nick the Greek: Doesn't sound very good to me. Tom: Well, neither me. But it depends what flicks your switch. And the light is on and burning brightly for the masses. Anyway, do you know anyone? Nick the Greek: I know a man, yes. Rory Breaker. Tom: Not that madman with an afro? I don't want anything to do with him. Nick the Greek: You won't have to. Just get me a sample. Tom: No can do. Nick the Greek: What's that? A place near Katmandu? Meet me halfway, mate. Tom: Look, it's all completely chicken soup. Nick the Greek: It's what? Tom: It's kosher. As Christmas.

Nick the Greek: The Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom. Tom: Well, never mind that. I'm gonna need some artillery too, couple of sawn-off shot-guns. Nick the Greek: This is a bit heavy. This is London, not the Lebanon. Who do you think I am? Tom: Think you're Nick the Greek. Big Chris: He likes your bar. J.D.: Yes. Big Chris: He wants your bar! J.D.: And? Big Chris: Do you want me to draw you a picture? Soap: Have a look at these. [hands Tom a ski mask] Eddie: And what are we supposed to do with these? Soap: [puts it on] Put them on your head, stupid! Eddie: [pulls it off him] Christ. Soap: If you think I'm gonna turn up there clean-shaven and greet them with a grin on my face, you've got another thing coming! Now, these fellas, they are your neighbors. I thought it might be a good idea to disguise ourselves a little! Eddie: Right. Er, yeah, good thinking, Soap, well done. Soap: I brought weapons as well. Eddie: What do you mean, weapons?

Soap: [pulls a bundle from his coat and unrolls it, revealing large knives] These. Eddie: Jesus! [grabs the bundle and rerolls it] Let's keep them covered up, eh? Couldn't you get anything bigger? Soap: [pulls a big ass machete from his trousers] What, like that? What do you think? Eddie: … I think you need help. Soap: Where'd you get these? A fucking museum? Tom: Nick the Greek. Bacon: How much did you part with? Tom: 700 for the pair. Soap: Drachmas, I hope. I'd feel safer with a chicken drumstick. These are gonna do more harm than good. Eddie: Oh, and if Tom or anyone else for that matter feels like giving them a bit of a kicking, I'm sure it won't do any harm. Soap: Yeah. Little bit of pain never hurt anybody, if you know what I mean. Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, fuck-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile.

Knives are good because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. Shit 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro. Tom: Soap, is there something we should know about you? Bacon: I'm not sure what's more worrying, the job or your past. Soap: Where the fuck are they going? Shift a piano? I thought this was meant to be a robbery. Eddie: Where did they get those outfits? Tom and Bacon in unison: Not a bad idea, that. Dog: [indicates massive gun] What the fuck is that? Mickey: It's me Bren gun. Dog: Don't you think you could have thought of something more practical? Plank: [gets hit with an air rifle] Ah! They fucking shot me! Dog: Well, shoot them back! Plank: [shoots wildly] John: Jesus, Plank, couldn't you have got smokeless cartridges? I can't see a bloody thi– ah! Shit! I've been shot. Dog: I don't fucking believe this! Can everyone stop getting shot? Paul: Look.

Come have a look. Traffic Warden: Take a look at what, exactly? Paul: Well, the van's half-full. Traffic Warden: So? Paul: So all I've got to do is fill it up, put you in it … Traffic Warden: What? [Paul knocks the warden out] Paul: … and I'm off. Eddie: The entire British Empire was built on cups of tea … Soap: Yeah, and look what happened to that. Eddie: … and if you think I'm going to war without one, mate, you're mistaken. Eddie: Where the hell are we gonna hide? [Long pause] Bacon: Don't complicate things, just hide! Dog: I'll find ya. Bacon: 'Course you will, sweet'eart. Dog: I'll find ya. Bacon: What do you think this is, hide and seek? Tom: [after having just robbed Dog and his crew] Jesus, that wasn't too bad, was it? Soap: When the bottle in my arse has contracted, I'll let you know. Eddie: Bacon, see what we've got. Bacon: Let's have a butcher's, eh?

[He inspects the loot] Bacon: We've hit the jackpot, lads! We've got God knows how much of this stinking weed, a shitload of cash … and a traffic warden. Tom: What? [Bacon holds up an unconscious man] Tom: Jesus, Ed, we've got a traffic warden! Bacon: I think he's still alive – he's got claret coming out of him somewhere. What did they want with a traffic warden? Eddie: I don't know, but I don't think we need him! Knock him out and dump him at the lights. Bacon: Knock him out? What do you mean, knock him out? Knock him out with what? Eddie: I don't know. Use your imagination! [Bacon punches the Traffic Warden, who moans in pain] Tom: Don't touch him up. Knock him out! Bacon: I'll knock you out in a minute! Look, you want to knock him out? You knock him out. Eddie: I fucking hate traffic wardens.

[Tom and Eddie jump into the back of the van with Bacon; all three proceed to batter the Traffic Warden senseless] Rory Breaker: What did you shoot him with? An air gun? Winston: Look, we grow weed. We're not mercenaries. Rory Breaker: You don't say. Rory Breaker: Your stupidity may be your one saving grace. Nick the Greek: Uh? Rory Breaker: Don't "uh" me, Greek boy! How is it that your fucking stupid soon-to-be-dead friends thought they might be able to steal my cannabis and then sell it back to me? Is this a declaration of war? Is this some white cunt's joke that black cunts don't get? 'Cause I'm not fucking laughing, Nich-ohl-arse! [Nick shrugs with a stupid look on his face] Rory Breaker: I have three interests in life, Nick. No, four: football, music, money, and the annihilation of anyone that interferes in that short list.

I know you couldn't have known my position, 'cause you're not that stupid, that if you did, you wouldn't have turned up here scratching your ass with that "what's going on here?" look slapped all over your chevy-chase! But what you do know … is where these people live. [Rory swings around his chair, gets up and straightens his jacket] Rory Breaker: If you hold back anything, I'll kill you. If you bend the truth, or I think you're bending the truth, I'll kill you. If you forget anything, I'll kill you. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now, do you understand everything I've said? [Nick nods in fear] Rory Breaker: Because if you don't, I'll kill you! [Rory puts on a gentle smile] Rory Breaker: Now, Mr. Bubble and Squeak, you may enlighten me. Soap: Rory Breaker? That psychotic black dwarf with an afro? Tom: That would be the same man, yes. Tom: Well, he can afford to do the deal at the price we're selling.

It's not worth him giving us any trouble, 'cause he knows we'll be a pain in the arse, and who needs a pain in the arse? Soap: I'd take a pain in the arse for half a million quid. Tom: You'd take a pain in the arse for air miles. Soap: Tom, the fatter you get, the sadder you get. Eddie: Will you two stop flirting for a minute? Dean: He's got the guns. Go ahead, you get them. Gary: Why me? Dean: You're supposed to be the hard case. Gary: [shrieks] You get the guns. I drive the car! [After shooting each other] Gary: What the fuck are you doing here? Barry: What the fuck are you doing here? Eddie: They’re armed. Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what? Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster… what do you think they’re gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!

Question: What was the name of Vinnie Jones character in Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels
Answer: Big Chris