Pearly Gate jokes, humor by JavaCasa An old lady was on a flight. She was sitting beside a young businessman. After the in-flight meal she took out her Holy Bible and starts her devotion. The businessman glances at her and said. Do you really believe those stuff in the Bible is true? "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I do," said the old lady. "Yeah, right..." the man scoffs, "like... what's that guy's name, the one who got swallowed by a whale..." "You mean Jonah?" "Yeah, Jonah, I mean, how do you actually survive for 3 days in a fish's bowel?" "I don't know," replied the old lady, "but I can ask him when I see him in heaven someday." Feeling smart, the young man said: "Ok, but what if he's not in heaven because he went to hell?" "Then young man, *you* can ask him" replied the old lady calmly. Pearly Gates? Over the massive, carved front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: "The Gates of Heaven".

Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance." A man had just had a severe heart opperation and as he was coming to a nun was holding his hand and gently patting it. We he opened his eyes she said, "I hate to ask at a time like this but do you have insurance?" "No mam, he replied." "Well do you have enough cash to pay your bill?" "No mam," he replied again. "Do you have any relatives who can help you?" "Only a spinster sister who is a nun," he replied. "Oh," said the nun, "she is no spinster, she is married to God!" "Well send the bill to my Brother-in-law," he replied. A pastor always used the phrase, "It might be worse," when some calamity would come his way. One day a friend said to him, "I've something to tell you, and you won't be able to use your favorite phrase. I dreamt last night that I died and went to hell." "It might be worse," said the preacher.

The friend came unglued: "man alive, how could it be worse?" to which the pastor replied: "it might be true." three friends all died and went to heaven at the same time. Saint Peter meet them at the gates and said to one of them "welcome to Heaven! here is your reward." after saying that Saint Peter immediately handcuffed him to a extremely unattractive woman. "Saint Peter! why is this my heavenly reward?" the man asked? Saint Peter replied, "when you were five you killed a bird with a stone." Saint Peter then turned to the next guy and did the exact same thing for the exact same reason. He was asked the same question and answered the same. finally he turned to the third guy and said, "Welcome to Heaven! Here is your reward." the third man was immediately handcuffed to a beautiful girl. extremely happy the man walked off. the other two men, who had stuck around to see what their friends fate was, were outraged. "How come he gets a beautiful girl and were stuck with these?

We can name a few things that he did that were worse than ours!" Saint Peter said, "When she was five she killed a bird with a stone." Joke A young couple were killed in an accident on the day before their wedding. When they arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter asked if there was anything he could do to make being in heaven even more pleasant. So they explained about dying the day before their wedding and asked if it was possible to be married in heaven. "No problem," said St Peter, "leave it with me." A hundred years or so later they met St Peter and asked about the wedding. "Everything is being arranged," he assured them. Another hundred years passed, and they met St Peter again. They reminded him about the wedding and said, "We know that in heaven, time is of no consequence, but we have been waiting over two hundred years." St Peter replied, "I am sorry. All the arrangements were made the day after you arrived and there is only one thing preventing us from having the wedding..... We're waiting on a minister!" Joke A cat died and went to heaven.

At the gate, he told God how he had been abused all his life on earth - people swept him with broom, he had no where to sleep, etc. God tells him he is going to make his life very comfortable in heaven. The next day 6 mice came to heaven. They gave God a similar story about their hard life on earth - how they had to be running all the time because cats were constantly chasing them. God tells them he'll make their life comfortable. They ask that he give them skates so that they wouldn't have to do much walking or running anymore. God granted their request, fitting them with skates. A week later God was passing by and found the cat comfortably resting. He asked the cat how things were going. The cat says, "Oh wonderful, God, and those meals on wheels that you have been sending me are delicious !" Joke A man died and approached the Pearly Gates. St. Peter told him heaven was getting crowded so he had to test people with the point system. If he got to 100 points he could enter. The man told Peter that he gave to the poor. Peter marked him down for 3 points. The man thought again, then said that he tithed.

Peter added one point. The man, desperately searching his memory, finally said that he never cussed. Peter added 1/2 a point. By now the man got very frustrated and said that at this rate he could only get in by the grace of God. Peter replied, "Come on in!" Joke A cute little interlude ... Three guys die together and go to heaven.... St. Peter says, "We only have one rule...don't step on the ducks as they are God's favorite creation." They enter heaven and see ducks everywhere, and it's almost impossible to not step on a duck. The first guy accidentally steps on one, and soon here comes St. Peter with the biggest, ugliest woman he'd ever seen... St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment is to be chained to this ugly woman forever." The next day the second guy steps on a duck...Sure enough, St. Peter comes with another ugly woman and chains them together. Seeing this, the third guy is very, very careful. He goes for months and doesn't step on any ducks. One day, St. Peter comes along with this beautiful woman: Blonde, blue-eyed, very young and very sexy.

He chains them together and leaves without a word. The man remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve this good fortune?" And the Blonde says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck. Joke A man went on a vacation to Florida from their home in Alaska. He waits for his wife to come the next day to stay with him. He tries to e-mail her trying to remember it. He messes up, and instead his e-mail gets to a preacher's wife whose husband died the day before. The message says: "Having fun, but it sure is hot down here. I cant wait for your arrival here soon." Joke A good Christian engineer died and was erroneously sent to Hell. Once there, he went to work reorganizing everything. He installed air-conditioning, cooling jets, refrigeration, the works. Meantime, up in Heaven, the snafu was discovered and God sent and angry message down to Hell. "I request the immediate return of the engineer you have there. He belongs with us!"... "No way", replied the Devil, "here he came, here he stays"...."If you do not comply instantly, I will sue you!" exclaimed God.

"And where are you going to find a lawyer up there?"...came back the Devil. Mary Joke An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, die in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife's interest in health food. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite with Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed", the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, Remember, this is Heaven." Next they went out back to see the championship golf course the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" "This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet?" St. Peter asked. "This is heaven.

It's free!" "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?" the old man asked timidly. "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven." The old man looked at his wife and said, "You and your stupid bran muffins. I could have been here ten years ago! Joke A teacher, a doctor, and a lawyer all die and end up at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter meets them there and says "It's good to have you here, but we're a little over crowded today. You'll each have to answer 1 question before I can let you in." Peter turns to the teacher and says "What was the name of the famous ship that hit an iceberg and sank in the early 1900s?" The teacher smiles and says "That's easy. The Titanic." Peter lets her in. Then he turns to the doctor and says "How many people died on the Titanic?" The doctor says "Well, that's a tricky one, but luckily I just saw the movie, so I know. 1500." Peter lets the doctor in, too.

Then Peter turns to the lawyer and says "Name them." A man died and went to heaven. He was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter who led him down the golden streets. They past mansions after beautiful mansions until they came to the end of the street where they stopped in front of a shack. The man asked St. Peter why he got a hut when there were so many mansions he could live in. St. Peter replied, "I did the best with the money you sent us." The pope arrived at the pearly Gates and St. Peter greeted him and quickly told him that it was very difficult to get an audience with God. The Pope said he did not mind because when he was alive he had the same problem. They chuckled together over this and St. Peter said he realized the pope was probably anxious to know a few things judging from the number of times he prayed for guidance. The pope agreed saying that he had a real hankering to see the origional sriptures. So S. Peter showed him to the room where the origional manuscripts were stored. He left the old gentlemen ther to search them out and soon forgot all about him.

A while later he heard a great wail coming from the room. St. Peter went to investigate and found the Pope in an aweful sweat.St. Peter asked the Pope what was wrong and this loud pitiful voice replie O NO! it says C-e-l-e-b-r-a-t-e not c-e-l-e-b-a-t-e!!!- 3 ministers and their wives were just coming back from a convention when they got in a wreck and were all kiled. All 3 couples stood in line wating to get into heaven . St Peter opened the books and said to the first man: I can see that you were a good man but had one problem. You lusted after alcohol your whole life you never drank but your lust was so strong you would never marry until you met a girl named Sherry. Sorry, you can't come in. The second minister approached St Peter and he said: you were a good man, but it says here you lusted after money and your lust was so strong that you would not marry until you met a girl named Penny. Sorry, you cannot come in. The third minister turned to his wife and said: come on Fanny, lets leave. Three men arrived at the pearly gates. ST.

Peter said to the first one, "Welcome, I see in my book that you've led an upstanding life, honest, generous, loving, always faithful to your wife. Congratulations, you will travel through heaven in a Cadillac. To the second man, St. Peter said, "You've lived a respectable life, but oh dear, I see that you've had an indescretionate relationship with your secretary. You'll be travelling through heaven on a motorcycle. To the third man, St. Peter said. "However did you get here?" "Beat's me" said the man, "I've lied, cheated and messed around plenty." "Oh, well," replied St. Peter. "You're here, by the grace of God. So I say that you may travel through heaven on a bicycle." The third man was pleased with his luck, pedaling down the golden streets when he saw the first man draped over the hood of his Cadillac, sobbing.

"What's up" said the cyclist, "You lived the good life and have the rewards." "Yes," said the first man, "But I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard!" Saint Peter greets Bill Gates at the pearly gates and says, "Bill, have you got a million dollars to get into heaven?" And Bill Gates says, "No, I have a billion dollars and don't you know, these gates are named after me!" One night a man died and went to heaven. He met St. Peter at the pearly gates and St. Peter escorted him in. As they walked down a long hall there were clocks everywhere but they all went at different speeds. The man asked St. Peter for an explanation. St. Peter explained that each person on earth had a clock and that each time they sinned the clock ticked a tock. Promptly they passed a clock that wasn't moving and the man asked whose it was. Oh, that is Billy Grahms. They passed many other clock along the hall but one persons they never saw. So he asked St. Peter, where is Bill Clinton's clock. St. Peter said, Oh, we keep it in the office for a fan.

Three nurses appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter said to the first, "Tell me what you did on earth." Said she, "I was a birthing room nurse. I helped bring hundreds of precious babies into the world." "Enter!" said St. Peter. Then he turned to the second. "And how about you?" he asked. She replied, "I was a trauma unit nurse. I helped save hundreds of lives of people involved in terrible accidents." "Enter!" cried St. Peter, and turned to the third. "I worked for an HMO," she admitted. "Over the years I saved my company hundreds of thousands of dollars by refusing extended care to people who were trying to bilk the system." "You may enter!" said St. Peter. "You really mean it?" asked the nurse incredulously. "Yes," replied St. Peter. "You've been pre-approved for three days." -Paul of SC 40 lawyers showed up at the pearly gates, asking for admission. St. Peter had never seen 40 lawyers at the same time, and didn't know quite what to do. "Wait here," he said, "I have to go consult." He hurried to the Throne.

"Lord," he said, "There are 40 lawyers standing at the pearly gates. What do I do?" God said, "True, it is an unusual situation. But just give them the standard morality test, and admit the five highest scores." St. Peter headed back to his post. A minute later, he came running back to the Throne. "They're gone! They're gone!" he shouted. "Do you mean to say all 40 of them just up and left?" God asked. "No, no!" said Peter. "It's the pearly gates! They're gone! They're gone!" -Paul of SC Ronald Frump was a rich tycoon, who profited from hostile corporate takeovers, often evicted hundreds of people at once from their Manhattan apartments to make way for his building projects, and was known for his ruthless firing policies. He also cheated on his income taxes, and had little concern for the safety and welfare of his employees, as long as his profit margin was maximized. He had no use for philanthropic endeavors, and was curt to any who would solicit his goodwill on behalf of the poor. You get the picture. Even the only remotely charitable act by Mr. Frump was really self-serving.

He was in a hurry to get to yet another hostile takeover meeting, and on his way he gave a paper boy a dollar bill for a 50-cent newspaper. Not wanting to wait for the boy to fish out the other 50 cents, he bruskly said, "Don't worry about it. Keep it." So Mr. Frump finally died, and found himself before the pearly gates. Having been used to a sense of entitlement his whole life, he approached St. Peter and, rather presumptuously said, "Well, it's me--Ronald Frump. You can let me in now." "Well, hold it just a second, here, Mr. Frump," replied St. Peter. "I'm looking in the books here, and it seems you've been a pretty greedy fella all your life. You've run people out of their homes, you've robbed from the poor, you've made life miserable for everyone with whom you've had contact. Now, in light of that, can you think of any reason why I should let you into this holy place?" Mr. Frump was in a panic.

This was the first time he did not have the upper hand in a "negotiation," and this was for all the chips. In his panic, he grasped at the only straw available to him. "Well, once I gave a paper boy a dollar for a 50-cent newspaper, and told him to keep the change." St. Peter scratched his chin as he puzzled over this for a few seconds, and finally said, "I'd better run this won past God. Wait right here." Mr. Frump was on pins and needles as he waited. Finally, St. Peter returned. "Well?" St. Peter took his hand, placed two quarters in it, and said, "The Lord said to give you your 50 cents back and tell you to go to hell!" A reporter went to heaven and saw two long lines. Over one line was a sign which read "For Men Who Were Dominated By Their Wives." The other line had a sign over the doorway which read, "For Men Who Dominated Their Wives," but there was only one man in that line.

Being a reporter, he went up to the man all by himself and said, "Sir, could you tell me why you're the only man in this line for "Men Who Dominated Their Wives?" "Sure," the other man responded, "my wife told me to stand here." A very wealthy man decided to prove the quote, "You can't take it with you", wrong. Before he died he requested that his gold be buried with him. Sure enough after his death he found himself in heaven along with his gold. He was so excited that he had actually taken it with him. He went up to St. Peter to enter the gates and exclaimed "Look at this, you can take it with you." Peter looked at the gold in the mans hand and asked "Why would you want to bring pavement with you?" [Think about it!! (Heavens streets are paved with gold)] A bus load of ladies from the Women's Fellowship had a tragic accident and they were all killed so all 50 arrived at the Pearly Gates together. St. Peter was taken by suprise and said that due to redecorating there wasn't room for them so they would havr spen a little time in hell until their mansion was ready.

the devil reluctantly agreed to offer them the temporary accommodation. 3 weeks later St. Peter phoned up hell to say that all was now ready and the ladies could be sent to heaven. "Couldn't I keep them just a little longer?" pleaded the devil. "Why?" enquired St Peter. "Well, only 2 more cake sales and we've raised enough for air conditioning!" Neil Sydney, Australia Once there was a guy named Joe. One day he died and found himself standing in front of the pearly gates. St. Peter: "Joe, if you can answer one question, I'll let you into heaven." Joe: "sounds easy enough." St. Peter: "ok, who is with you always?" Joe: "O, that's easy: Andy!" St. Peter: "Andy?" Joe: "Yeah, haven't you heard that hymn �Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me?�" Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter. "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?", asks St. Peter.

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!" Email...to????? A businessman from Wisconsin went on a business trip to Louisiana. Upon arrival, he immediately plugged his laptop into the hotel room port and sent a short E-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer Johnson, at her address, JennJohn@world.net. Unfortunately, in his haste, he mistyped a letter and the E-mail ended up going to JeanJohn@world.net, a Jean Johnson in Duluth, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away and was buried that day. The preacher's wife took one look at the E-mail and promptly fainted. It read, "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here!" A doctor died and went to heaven.

As he stood in a very long line at the pearly gates, he decided that because of his service to humanity he should not have to wait in line. He left the line and approached the gate. Upon arrival at the gate St. Peter explained that all are equal in the eyes of the lord and he should wait in line, like the rest of the good people. This made the Doctor very angry. All of my service to humanity the lives I have saved. The quality of life I've restored. He continued to mutter his contributions as he returned to his place in line. A few minutes later a man in a white lab coat with a Doctors bag rushed past the M.D. approaching the gates, the man nodded to St. Peter and the gates flew open, in went the man and the gates closed. Well this was to much for the doctor and he went to speak again with St. Peter. He explained to St. Peter that he had been in practice on earth for many years and he felt he had made more contributions than the young doctor that had just entered heaven. St. Peter understanding the Doctors feeling gently explained to the the doctor.

"Sir, I understand your feelings, however you must understand that the young doctor that just entered, was God, you see he sometimes likes to play Doctor" Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing. The week's a freebie." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud.""So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests.

"Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. St. Peter answered, "He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota." Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. For their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond. "Bob is that you?" Earl asked. "Of course it me," Bob replied. "This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?" "Well I have some good news and some bad news for you.

Which do you want to hear first?" "Tell me the good news first." "Well, the good news is that, yes, there is baseball in heaven, Earl." "Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?" "You're pitching tomorrow night." A rich man knew he would die soon, but he hated to leave his hard-earned riches behind. So he had all his assets converted to gold bars, put them in a big bag on his bed, draped his body over the bag of gold, and breathed his last. Next we see him at the gate of Heaven. St. Peter says (very surpised), "Wow! You managed to get here with something from earth! Let's see what you brought." He opened the bag, looked inside, then looked quizzically at the man. "You brought...pavement?!" George Bush died and went to heaven and St. Peter met him at the gates. George ask St. Peter if the people in heaven were as friendly as the people in Texas were. St. Peter said, Sure they are. Well George goes for a walk and passes by Mosses and decides to speak to him. Mosses just looks the other way and keeps on walking.

Slightly upset by this, George goes back to St. Peter and tells him what happened with Mosses. St. Peter seemed confused so he seeks Mosses and ask him why he ignored Mr. Bush. Mosses looked St. Peter in the eye and said, Well Peter, if you will remember, the last time I spoke to a Bush I spent 40 years in the wilderness. Bible Study - The Pearly Gates Questions? Search all 6,500+ Bible studies on this website. Just type in topic word(s) or a question. Due to extensive use of high-quality maps and illustrations, this educational website is best-viewed with a minimum screen-resolution width of 1280 pixels The Pearly Gates by Wayne Blank Many are familiar with the idea of "Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates," but few are aware of its surprising origin in your Holy Bible . From the Book of Revelation, chapter 21, verses 1 to 27, the description of the new Jerusalem - "Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.

I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then He said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." He said to me: "It is done. I Am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be My son. But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars - their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur.

This is the second death." One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and said to me, "Come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb." And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and showed me the Holy City, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God. It shone with the glory of God, and its brilliance was like that of a very precious jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal. It had a great, high wall with twelve gates, and with twelve angels at the gates. On the gates were written the names of the twelve tribes of Israel. There were three gates on the east, three on the north, three on the south and three on the west. The wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb. The angel who talked with me had a measuring rod of gold to measure the city, its gates and its walls. The city was laid out like a square, as long as it was wide.

He measured the city with the rod and found it to be 12,000 stadia in length, and as wide and high as it is long. He measured its wall and it was 144 cubits thick, by man's measurement, which the angel was using. The wall was made of jasper, and the city of pure gold, as pure as glass. The foundations of the city walls were decorated with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, the fifth sardonyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst. The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl. The great street of the city was of pure gold, like transparent glass. I did not see a temple in the city, because The Lord God Almighty and The Lamb are its temple. The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for The Glory of God gives it light, and The Lamb is its lamp.

The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their splendor into it. On no day will its gates ever be shut, for there will be no night there. The glory and honor of the nations will be brought into it. Nothing impure will ever enter it, nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb's book of life." Fact Finder: Will there be a time when there is no more death, or mourning or crying or pain? Revelation 21:4 The Pearly Gates : NYC Parks Find A Park > The Pearly Gates The Pearly Gates St. Peter's Ave. at Tratman Ave. Bronx Directions via Google Maps This text is part of Parks’ Historical Signs Project and can be found posted within the park. The name for the Pearly Gates Playground is derived from Christian tradition as the entranceway through which souls travel to reach their god after death. The gates of heaven are said to be guarded by Saint Peter, one of the founders of the Christian Church. The playground is named the Pearly Gates, because of its location on St. Peter’s Avenue. Pearly gates | St.

Paul Lutheran Church Quad Cities Pastoral Messages | June 27, 2016 If you were to head south out of Minneapolis along Highway 169 for about an hour, you’d eventually arrive at the quaint little town of St. Peter, Minnesota. It’s not much of a tourist destination. There’s no more than a handful of stop lights before you reach the other side of town. You can find a few antique shops along Main Street. Or visit the campus of Gustavus Adolphus College (which happens to be my alma mater). But for many people driving along this highway, St. Peter is often an inconvenient slow-down on their way to some other place. So several years ago, in an effort to engage a few more visitors who pass through this beautiful town, the chamber of commerce came up with a plan. They constructed a cast-iron statue of sorts—bright white gates connected to two brick columns. That’s right. In the middle of southwestern Minnesota, at the corner of Front St. and Broadway Ave., you can stop to see St. Peter’s Pearly Gates.

And for a few decades now, travelers have stopped at this little park nestled beside the Minnesota River to have their picture taken… and perhaps to laugh a bit at the pun. It’s become a must-see for any St. Peter visitor. After all, for those hoping for heaven, these gates are certainly a little easier to find. There’s just one problem with this vision of St. Peter’s pearly gates: they’re locked. They cannot be opened. For awhile, due to some ruckus from local college students, there was even a padlocked chain wrapped around the gates to prevent anyone from trying to pry them open. Not exactly the kind of scene you want to imagine as the entrance to heaven. While we might understand that this is simply a tourist stop or a great photo opportunity, the sight of locked gates supposedly leading to heaven isn’t exactly a great image. It makes me think of how many times my own life gives the appearance of something welcoming and inviting, only to be a bit less hospitable upon closer examination. How often I let my stereotypes or preconceived notions of others affect my words and actions toward them. It’s one thing to call myself a Christian.

It’s quite another to do the challenging work Jesus asks of me: loving people, caring about individuals much different from me, forgiving others, working for more justice and peace in this world. It’s one thing for a church to say it’s committed to radical hospitality. It’s another to actually be such a place. There are appearances. And then, sometimes, there’s reality. Unlike the locked gates of St. Peter, may your life and mine be filled with actions and words that align as closely as possible with the hospitable faith we proclaim. Pearly Gates Humor Becquet.ca features . . . Jokes from all over! Pearly Gates When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter." Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose. I told you to be the spiritual leader in your family. Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a s�ance. Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello Margaret, this is meeee..." "Fred," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in the after-life. What's it like there?" "Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Fred answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected.

And the only thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over." "Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried. "Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Montana." An accountant dies and goes to heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name. After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself." The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter. "It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 160 and still looking so young," says St. Peter. The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "160? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40." St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!" St.

Peter says, "Well Forrest, It's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that this place is filling up fast, so we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass them before you can get into Heaven. Forrest responds, "It shore is good to be here, St. Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exam Sure hope the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was. "Here is the first question: "What days of the week begin with the letter "T"? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?" Forrest returns the next day , goes up to Saint Peter and says he's ready to answer the exam questions. Saint Peter says "OK, now that you have had a chance to think about the questions, tell me your answers." Forrest says, "Well, the first one how many days of the week begin with the letter "T"? � that'd be Today and Tomorrow. The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims. "Oh, Forrest!

That's not what I was thinking, but ... you do have a point though, and I guess I didn't specify, so I will give you credit for that answer". "How about the next one?", asks St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?" "Now that one's harder", says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that.........and I guess the only answer can be twelve." Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve! Twelve! Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?" Forrest says "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second......". "Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this. "And I guess I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I'll give you credit for that too. Can you tell me God's first name ?" Forrest replied, "Andy". "OK, OK," said a frustrated St.

Peter, "I guess I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?" "That was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learned it from the song....."ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN......." President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. "Who goes there?" inquired St. Peter. "It's me, Bill Clinton". "What bad things did you do on earth?" Clinton thought a bit and answered, "Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn't hold that against me because I didn't inhale. I guess I had extra-marital sex but you couldn't hold that against me because I didn't really have 'sexual relations.' And I lied, but I didn't commit perjury." After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, "OK, here's the deal.

We'll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won't call it 'Hell.' You'll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won't call it 'eternity.' And don't 'abandon all hope' upon entering, just don't hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over." Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven." Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself." The be-feathered fellow at the Gates takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says, "Ah, yes." "Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. There's too much front end protrusion 2. It chatters at high speeds 3. The rear end wobbles too much, and 4.

The intake is placed too close to the exhaust." "Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on.". God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper. God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Arthur Davidson, "but according to My Computer, more people are riding my invention than yours". One day three teenage girls were driving along when they had a terrible accident. They were all sent to heaven. At the gates, they met St. Peter. He said to them, "Welcome to Heaven. There is only one rule here, don't step on the ducks, don't bother them, just leave them alone. If you do bother them in any way you will be handcuffed to the ugliest person in Heaven for all eternity." The first teen thought that this was rather funny and in all her laughter stepped back almost falling over. "QUACK!" She had stepped on a duck and so she was handcuffed to the ugliest person in heaven. The other two teens walked around Heaven constantly torturing their unlucky friend. As fate would have it the second teen stepped on a duck also.

She was handcuffed to the second ugliest person in Heaven. The two girls sat moping at the fact that they were chained to these people for eternity. The next day they saw the third teen, she was handcuffed to the most gorgeous guy they had ever seen. She looked at them, realizing their questioning eyes, and said, "He stepped on a duck." Three friends are in a car driving to the ballgame when a big truck runs them over, killing them instantly. They find themselves at the Pearly Gates being interviewed by St. Peter. "OK, you," he says, pointing to Vito, "How many times did you cheat on your wife? And don't lie, I'm St. Peter you know." Vito hangs his head and replies, "Honestly Pete, I was with two maybe three different broads a week." St. Peter says, "OK, your car in heaven is that used Geo Metro over there, goodbye." He looks at Eddie and asks, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" Eddie replies, "I must admit that in 15 years of marriage I did cheat on my wife 3 times." St.

Peter says, "OK, your car in heaven is that LeBaron, goodbye." He then looks at Jacob and asks, "And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" Jacob lifts his head high and replies, "I am proud to say that over 20 years of marriage, I never cheated on my wife! In fact, my beloved has been dead for 2 years now and I remained celibate the whole time!" St. Peter replies, "Very impressive. Your car in heaven is that Ferrari convertible. Goodbye!" A couple of hours later, Vito and Eddie are waiting for Jacob at the park where all three had planned to meet. Jacob arrives a couple of minutes late in his Ferrari, and his friends notice that he is sobbing like a baby. Vito asks, "Hey! Whats a matter wid you? We should be crying! We're stuck with these ugly buckets and you got a new Ferrari!" Jacob, between sobs replies, "I just saw my wife on a skateboard!" The notorious ne'er-do-well went to his reward, and he was terrified about what awaited him. He had spent years carrying on in saloons and chasing women. Now he was worried about paying the price.

But when he got to the Pearly Gates, he was welcomed with open arms. "Are you sure you didn't make a mistake?" he asked Saint Peter. "No, sir," replied the Saint." There were never any records kept, and you are just as welcome as anyone." The man then noticed a large group standing together in a corner. Every few minutes they would start to cry and then kick the posterior of whoever was closest to them. "What's wrong with those guys who are crying and kicking themselves?" the new arrival asked. "Oh, them," replied Saint Peter. "They also thought we kept records." THREE people from different parts of the country passed away at the same time. They all went up to heaven and were met at the gate by Saint Peter. The first person was an architect. "I'd like to come in, please," he told the saint. "All in good time," replied Saint Peter. "But first you have to pass one small test. You have to spell 'God.' " "Oh, that's easy . . . G-o-d," he said. "Very good, very good," said Saint Peter. "Come on in." The second person to approach was a rancher. "I'd sure like to enter," he said.

"All in good time," replied Saint Peter. "But first you have to pass a little test. All you have to do is spell 'God.' " "Simple," said the man. "G-o-d." "Very good, you can come in." Then the third person, an attractive business woman, approached. "I'd like to enter, please." "Well," said Saint Peter, "you'll have to pass one small test - " "Oh, come on now, Saint," she said. "I've had it rough all my life. Just because I'm a woman I've had to fight for every promotion I've gotten. I've had to take lower pay for the same jobs as my male colleagues and been continually harassed by an MCP boss. Now are you going to give me a hard time too?" "But it's just a little test. Spell 'Czechoslovakia.' A MAN named Smith was sitting on his roof during a flood, and the water was up to his feet. Before long a fellow in a canoe paddled past and shouted, "Can I give you a lift to higher ground?" "No, thanks," said Smith. "I have faith in the Lord and he will save me." Soon the water rose to Smith's waist.

At this point a motorboat pulled up and someone called out, "Can I give you a lift to higher ground?" "No, thanks. I have faith in the Lord and he will save me." Later a helicopter flew by, and Smith was now standing on the roof with water up to his neck. "Grab the rope," yelled the pilot. "I'll pull you up." "No, thanks," said Smith. "I have faith in the Lord and he will save me." But after hours of treading water, poor exhausted Smith drowned and went to his reward. As he arrived at the Pearly Gates, Smith met his maker and complained about this turn of events. "Tell me, Lord," he said, "I had such faith in you to save me and you let me down. What happened?" To which the Lord replied, "What do you want from me? I sent you two boats and a helicopter!" Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths.

So what's your story?" So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell  but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly.

But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony." "That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right.

Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here." Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story. "Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator. . ." Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go." Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?" St.

Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" "I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. "This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!" "Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter. "Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell.

When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going?" he asked Bill. Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily clad women playing in the water????" "That was a demo," replied St. Peter. A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter invites him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven. A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth.

You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabby." St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "Here we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabby drove his taxi, people prayed." Henry Ford went to Heaven upon his death and was given a warm welcome at the pearly gates. St. Peter, after completing the formalities, asked him how he would like to spend his time. Ford, the great inventor, asked to see some of the inventors before him. So St. Peter printed out the list of all the inventors currently (doing time) in heaven. As Ford started to go through the list, he came across the name Adam. He queried if it was the same guy who discovered Eve, the woman. St. Peters confirmed that indeed Adam was the man credited with the invention of women. Ford requested an audience with Adam, as he had a few things to straighten out with him. When the scheduled meeting took place, Ford was all over Adam, attacking him for the flaws in his invention. "Your invention is the most stupid work of engineering I ever saw.

There is too much of front end protrusion, the rear end wobbles too much, it chatters at high speeds and the intake is placed too close to the exhaust." Obviously, Adam doesn't like it too much. He thinks for a while and then leads Henry Ford to the Celestial Computer. He works with the enormous data-banks and in a few minutes there are beeps and all that, and out come a few charts and graphs. "Look here, Mr. Ford. Despite all the flaws you pointed out, data shows that there are more men riding my product than yours." This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to.

They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "what are the green fees?". Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven." With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault.

If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!" Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want." The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren" and <poof!> she's gone. The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and <poof!> she's gone. The third says, "I want-a to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Sara Pipalini" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says "I'm sorry but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says "No Sister, this says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days'!

" The Pearly Gates Highlights : NYC Parks The Pearly Gates The Pearly Gates This text is part of Parks’ Historical Signs Project and can be found posted within the park. The name for the Pearly Gates Playground is derived from Christian tradition as the entranceway through which souls travel to reach their god after death. The gates of heaven are said to be guarded by Saint Peter, one of the founders of the Christian Church. The playground is named the Pearly Gates, because of its location on St. Peter’s Avenue. Nearly all of the information known about Saint Peter’s life is recorded in the Christian Bible’s New Testament. Born Simeon of Bethsaida, it is said he lived with his family in a small town off Lake Genesareth at the northern coast of the Sea of Galilee, where he married and raised a family. Entering into a fishing partnership with his brother, Andrew, and their friends, James and John, the fishermen eventually befriended and became disciples of Jesus of Nazareth. According to the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus gave Simeon the name Peter and, with the words “upon this rock I will build my church,” he placed upon Peter the responsibility of leading the apostles after Jesus’ death.

Following Jesus’ death, Peter traveled extensively throughout the Mediterranean region. Eventually settling in Rome, he was executed by the Romans some time between 58 and 64 C.E. The Roman Catholic Church regards Peter as their first Pope. Later Christian tradition attributed the duty of greeting the souls of the faithful at the Gates of Heaven to Saint Peter. St. Peter’s Avenue in the Bronx was known as Union Avenue until the late 1800s, when it was renamed for St. Peter’s Episcopal Church. The Pearly Gates playground, located on Tratman Street and St. Peter’s Avenue, looks far different today than it was originally designed. First planned to include a wading pool, slides and see-saws, the playground opened in 1952 under the joint operation of Parks and the Board of Education. Presently the playground contains colorful play equipment, spray showers, swings, camel and bear animal art, handball and basketball courts, and a red brick comfort station. The playground fence is surrounded by pin oaks (quercus palustris). The park was originally called the Westchester Playground until 1998, when Parks Commissioner Henry Stern renamed the site The Pearly Gates.

In 1998 City Council Member Madeline Provenzano allocated $94,000 in funds to improve on the playground. Park Information Gibson.com: Gibson Custom Billy Gibbons "Pearly Gates" Les Paul Standard A girlfriend, and an old Packard The story of how Gibbons acquired ‘Pearly Gates’ is almost as famous as the guitar itself. As told by the Reverend Willie G. himself, the story begins in the late 1960s with an old, beat up Packard automobile that used to be ZZ Top’s main ride – all three of them and their entourage. “That automobile served us well,” Gibbons said. “It was huge, flashy and lowered, but not intentionally – it was just, plain old.” Not long after getting the Packard, one of band’s “girlfriends” decided to head to California to try out for a part in a movie, and the band was kind enough to let her use the Packard to get there.

According to legend, she landed the part, and the band christened the car with the name "Pearly Gates" because they thought “it must have had divine connections.” At some point, the girlfriend sold the car and sent the money back to the band. “The very day the money arrived, a guy called me up wanting to sell me a ’59 Sunburst Les Paul,” Gibbons reflected. “I bought the guitar and called the girlfriend to thank her for being so kind. She said, ‘It looks like the car went for a good cause. Since the money that put the guitar in our lap came from selling the Packard, we'll lay claim to the name Pearly Gates. Now you can go make divine music.’ Try as I may, I haven't been able to find another guitar that sounds as heavenly.” And that’s the legend of Gibbons’ storied ‘Pearly Gates’ Les Paul. Gibson’s 1959 Les Paul Standards may be the Holy Grail of electric solid body guitars, but Gibbons’ ‘Pearly Gates’ may be the most desirable of all.

A long time coming, but well worth the wait The master craftsmen at Gibson Custom have waited a long time for the opportunity to recreate Gibbons’ famed ‘Pearly Gates.’ So when they finally got their chance this year – the 50th anniversary of the 1959 Gibson Les Paul Standard – they set out to make the best possible replica they could. Suffice to say, they have succeeded … and rather gloriously! Recreating one of the world’s most coveted guitars wasn’t easy. But remember, we’re the original makers of the guitar, and we are Gibson Custom! Maple tops selected just for ‘Pearly Gates’ The new Billy Gibbons ‘Pearly Gates’ Les Paul is as close as it gets to owning the real thing. And it all starts with the traditional marriage of select tonewoods that make up Pearly Gates’ body – a solid, non-weight relieved mahogany back topped with a hand-carved figured maple top that was carefully selected especially for Gibbons’ Pearly Gates model.

The maple tops from the late 1950s and early 1960s remain one of the Les Paul’s most distinguishing features, and the tops selected for the Billy Gibbons ‘Pearly Gates’ are as beautiful and figured as the one that adorns the original. Single-ply cream binding surrounds the top of each guitar, helping to protect its edges but also adding a touch of elegance that remains a fundamental part of Gibson’s rich guitar-making history. Carefully matched Billy Gibbons Burst finish (Actual "Pearly Gates" pictured here on right) One of the more storied aspects of Gibson’s legendary Les Pauls of the late 1950s were the variations of the initial Billy Gibbons Burst finishes applied to them. Because of an inconsistency in the initial batch of red paint, the finished color had a tendency to fade when exposed to the elements. Of course, the amount of fading was determined by each guitar’s exposure to the elements, resulting in several improbable variations of the same finish. On Billy Gibbons’ celebrated Pearly Gates, the finish has darkened somewhat around the edges, but the beautiful grain of the figured maple top comes through prominently all the way around the guitar.

The master craftsmen at Gibson Custom have successfully recreated this subtle variation on the new Billy Gibbons ‘Pearly Gates’ Les Paul, even down to the original’s distinct red mahogany back. Granted, no two guitars can ever possibly have exactly the same top and finish. But this may be as close as it gets. Get Billy’s tone with Seymour Duncan Pearly Gates humbuckers In the almost 40-plus years that Billy Gibbons has been making music, he’s done everything in his power to preserve and maintain his signature ‘Texas Blues’ sound. In a recording studio, it’s easy: he just breaks out the original ‘Pearly Gates’ – as he’s done for every ZZ Top album to date – and just wails away. On the road, however, Billy doesn’t turn to ‘Pearly Gates,’ but rather a close copy of the original. To replicate his studio tone in a live setting Billy turned to Seymour Duncan, who after carefully examining and analyzing the original pickups developed the appropriately named Pearly Gates humbuckers, which are as close to sonically matching the original pickups as anyone will ever get. The results are truly amazing.

These popular conduits of tone – used by such brilliant players as Dickey Betts and Warren Haynes – are slightly hotter than your normal, everyday humbucker. According to the Seymour Duncan Web site, the Pearly Gates humbuckers are “sweet, but slightly rude, with great sustain and a bright top end that make harmonics jump out of the guitar.” That’s exactly what Billy Gibbons does every time he picks up his ‘Pearly Gates.’ And now you can too. After all, it wouldn’t be a ‘Pearly Gates’ if it wasn’t for that “God-like voice” the original is so noted for. Set up to play just like Billy’s original Pearly Gates Attention to details can make or break any attempt at reproducing a masterpiece, and this certainly holds true for the new Billy Gibbons ‘Pearly Gates’ Les Paul from Gibson Custom. Take the all nickel hardware, or the lightweight aluminum string-over stopbar that lets you set up the strings just like Billy, or the gold top hat control knobs.

There’s also the vintage style tulip tuners, and the one-piece mahogany neck with a medium 1959 rounded profile – ala Gibbons – and the same long-neck tenon found in every Les Paul Standard from Gibson’s Golden Era. Each ‘Pearly Gates’ is also equipped with period-correct CTS potentiometers and bumble bee capacitors to help achieve the legendary tone of the original. Are you starting to get the picture yet? Can you hear it? Is your heartbeat racing? Try to settle down … take a deep breathe and relax. ‘Pearly Gates’ may be the best historic replica yet Gibson Custom is known for its historic recreations of legendary guitars. The Billy Gibbons ‘Pearly Gates’ Les Paul just may be its finest moment. You be the judge. Visit your nearest authorized Gibson Custom dealer and play one of these masterpieces. You know you want to. But you have to hurry. The Billy Gibbons ‘Pearly Gates’ Les Paul will be produced in a very limited quantity of only 350 guitars – 250 will receive Gibson Custom’s patented V.O.S.

finish, 50 will be aged to look exactly like the original Pearly Gates, and another 50 will aged and personally signed and played by Gibbons himself. Each one will come with its own certificate of authenticity, and a Gibson Custom Les Paul hardshell case with Billy Gibbons’ signature silkscreened on the front. Once again, settle down. Take a deep breath and relax. And remember, we’re not responsible for what happens when you actually play one.

Question: Where are the pearly gates said to be?
Answer: Heaven