Why Do People Lie? Tags: Lying Most everybody, at one time or another, has lied. Tell the truth now: that includes you and me. In fact, some people, sad to say, lie almost all the time. Psychologists call these people compulsive or psychopathic liars. They tell lies even when they don’t have to. Even the youngest of children will lie, especially if they think by doing it they won’t get punished for something. When children first learn how lying works, they lack the moral understanding of when to refrain from doing it. While everybody lies, few understand how destructive it can be, why we do it, or how to stop it. So let’s answer the question, “Why do people lie?” Let’s start with a quick self-evaluation: * How many lies do you think you have told this last week? * Who did you tell the lies to? * Why did you tell the lies? * How do you feel about the lies you told now? Because lying can have such destructive and harmful consequences to both the liar and the one being lied to, I’ve written a series of blogs on lying . There are different kinds of lies , as well as different degrees of lying.

It seems so many people I talk to have a problem with lying whether it’s their own, or someone else’s. Let’s begin by defining what lying is: Lying is saying something with the intent of creating a false belief or impression. It’s an attempt to get someone to believe something that is not true. Sometimes a lie might seem unintentional, or it may have been told to save someone else’s feelings. For example, someone may say to another, That sure is a pretty dress!, when the person knows it’s ugly. We all have the capacity to lie. We deceive other people because we think it serves our purposes in some way. Why does the world lie? This is a question with many answers. FEAR – It was Tad Williams who said, “We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.”People can be so afraid of what might happen if they told the truth. Maybe they have done something wrong and are afraid of the consequences of their actions, so they lie to cover up what they did.

As often said about political scandals: It’s not the crime that gets you in trouble, nearly as much as the cover-up. MANIPULATION – Lies are typically motivated by a desire to get other people to either do something or not do something, or to make a decision in the favor of the person doing the lying. Someone might lie to get something they desire such as sex, money, status, power, love, etc. Lori said: “I’m young, but I realized quickly lustful people know how to get what they want, even if it means lying to you about how they feel.” Probably the word love is used in more lies than any other. How often a guy will say to a girl (or vice versa), I love you, simply to get the other person emotionally stirred-up, so they can be more easily manipulated. PRIDE – Many times, a person will lie because of pride. They use it for nothing more than a tool to create a favorable image of themselves. This leads to exaggeration, which is a form of lying. Often people will create fascinating, yet completely false, stories to improve their image. Bottom line: We deceive other people because we think it serves our purposes in some way.

And it’s easy! Lying may seem simple and harmless at first, but just like any addiction, you’ll soon find yourself trapped and entangled more than you could have ever imagined. The big problem with lying is that it becomes an addiction. When you get away with a lie it often drives you to continue your deceptions, and in the process, we ruin relationships, hurt others, lose our integrity, and lose our peace. Truth becomes a feared enemy of the liar. It’s a sick and tragic cycle that doesn’t ever have a happy ending. Wouldn’t you like to avoid this cycle? You can make the choice right now to live an honest life. I promise it is the better road…even if you are afraid. Here’s why: When you’re honest, you can feel at peace. Lying is extremely stressful. It causes you to be constantly looking over your shoulder and wondering who might be finding you out. You’re always running through the lies you’ve told in your head, trying to keep track of what you’ve told to which person, and what’s the next lie you need to tell. When you’re honest, you don’t have those worries, or the negative consequences of your lies.

Roiselyn commented: “I can say that not lying is a very relaxing way of life.” The fact that you don’t have to worry about remembering old lies or getting in trouble later on for lying puts a lot more relief in your life. Even when it’s hard, telling the truth always has the better outcome than a bunch of lies. Honesty Builds Trust and Healthy Relationships People are constantly looking to see who they can trust and who they can’t. People are actually much more perceptive and aware of who tells the truth and who doesn’t. Over time, honesty shows itself as a trait that is beautiful and deeply respected . As you begin to live lie-free, you will begin to see people will trust and respect you more and more. If you resist the temptation to lie, you increase your capacity to build lasting relationships of trust. This is true in all our relationships whether it’s dating, family, friends, or at work. Macey put it so well: “It’s always best to be honest. It makes any and every relationship strong and healthy. You feel good about yourself and don’t carry the burden of guilt.

If you are honest, it means you do what you say you’re going to do, and when you say something, people know you mean what you say, and that feels good. Someone commented about the value of being honest: “I used to lie a lot. I would lie only because it was easier than explaining the truth. And I have finally grown to realize that it’s easier to [be honest]. Being honest and open has actually gotten me further than lying. My parents trust me, and I feel good about myself. And when you feel good about yourself then you know that everything is okay. This person has come to realize that when we tell the truth and live it, we become emotionally and spiritually stronger every day.” I want to offer up a challenge to all of us. Would you be willing to commit to a life of honesty and integrity? If you’re up for this life-changing challenge, please write me a comment below, and tell a friend about your commitment too. For more information and help, click the link below to download this FREE eBook created by TheHopeLine®. Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author.

He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights. Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years. . TheHopeLine reads every comment. The purpose of the blogs are to provide help through the content, stories, and struggles of others. If you are looking for immediate help please click on an option above. 19LudiS When I met a friend, this past school year, who I thought was the friend I would have for the rest of my life but, she was just manipulating me or Ã¢â‚¬Å“testingÃ¢â‚¬Â and Ã¢â‚¬Å“actingÃ¢â‚¬Â as she called it. She told me in text that she was acting and that I might get to meet the real her next school year, if she felt like it. I felt like I lost a part of me and I couldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t find it because it was gone. My happiness had turned to sadness and anger as it fell from the sky like a bomb and exploded in my face.

When I learned that she was manipulating me I told her that I couldnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t be friends with her anymore and that I wasnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t going to put up with her manipulating me. It is going to be very hard to find a new friend because it is going to be hard for me to trust them. Rosalyn Stone Yes my son is 44 he lies all the time you cant believe. Anything. He says’ he met this girl he told her so many lies it isnt even funny and he has a bad drinking problem. And he will work 3 or 4 months and he want for 3 or 4 months i an at.

My wits end i do not no what to do thank you keyon flowers For my opinion I think people lie because when their caught at their act they know that they”ll face the consequences for what they have done.Even when you didn’t do your assignment the teacher would ask you for your home work and if you didn’t do it you’re going to lie about it but sometimes teachers don’t understand you didn’t do it on purpose it’s just because they forgot to do it and people don’t understand the work and you as the teacher should not scolf the child instead you must go over the concept to him or her in the evening or break time because you don’t understand what child is going through and if you see that he or her is gazing around a d not paying attention don’t scold instead ask if he or she is not understanding ask what part is giving problem and go over it again somu My friend is a liar. All good is done by him and all bad or social evils are done by other friends or peoples. But, I know the evils is done by him. Why does he do that? What is this disease? debbie I have a 35 year old son that lies.

We are a very average, educated family with a son that could not make it in college. He gave up and got a very responsible job and has worked it successfully for years but he has never been honest with us. He got into some money trouble and instead of coming to us he starting borrowing from Pay day loan companies and friends of ours without our knowledge. His health was compromised with a nervous condition (surely from his deceptions) and he had to lay off work for 3 months. He did not tell us. He even continued calling his dad every morning on his way to his job even though he was sitting in his apartment. My son has self esteem problems and I am sure that is the basis of this. He has Klinesfelter Syndrome and an auditory learning disability. He will not tell us the truth about anything. He says we are trying to take charge of his like and he wants us to butt out but we can’t seem to do that either…we love him too much! teja call him to your house and he will be very angry when you tell the truth what is going through ask him what happened he loves his father that the reason he is still communicating though is his not doing the job.

I suggest you to probe him in a helpful manner and say him we will try to solve your problems to our best and try to know all the situations you’ll get to know a major problem don’t get angry with that try and try until u solve his problems and join him in a good course so that he can find a good atmosphere to learn and a possibilty to earn good money for future the best way is to u have a enqurie a good course ur self give him as a give make his like sort of busy so that he can again gain confidence. i’m orry if i have given any wrong info i always try to give my best. i’m sorry i don’t respond to mails,tq teja the co worker wants you or the co worker has a revenge on your husband . The only way I guess is remind your husband the old memories of you both and show him how much trust worthy u are and hire a detective if possible for the co worker to revel his original identity to your husband live… I guess this works. I’m sorry I don’t relay to mail much and my heartful sorry if i gave any wrong information.. thx teja i understand your concern.

I suggest you to find a job for your self and also don’t argue with your husband much and if you know he’s lying please notify him at the end of the day bcuse if you say truth to the people they will be angry and you have show the circumstances what will happen in the comming future if he follows the same way. it might be difficult but he will realise and come to you again in the future. he might feel burden with the standard income. if you get a good job or a normal job and try to educate further as much as possible better to take course a hour a day for a job he will build confidence and he will get to know that we can also earn money in different style by education . there might be very less time for this stuff in your lifes but this is the best way to get out of this and tell him your best moments of your life so that he can find the lost love in you. tc Vanessa My husband has a compulsive lying problem. He lies constantly about everything even when he doesn’t have to. He also has a bad drug habit. He has sworn to me time and time again that things will be better but it never gets better.

The last time I caught him lying I kicked him out and now we are getting a divorce. I have tried to help him get better over the years but nothing helps. Part of me feels like I’m giving up on him and abandoning him, but I can’t trust anything he says and he makes me into a paranoid mess when I’m around him. I don’t want to see him fail, but I don’t want him to hurt me anymore either. Andrew Hello Vanessa, my name is Andrew. Sorry to read your story as it has many similarities to my marriage ending just over 2 years ago. From the begining, 20 years ago, my ex-wife and I shared substance abuse. Before I met her I didn’t even smoke cigerettes but occasionally, since the age of 15, had joints with my older brother. I met my ex-wife when I had just turned 18 and she was 19. Initially she was a daily bong smoker, and within 6 months, I became the same type of addict. At that time she lived with one of her friends, who both had a young child each.

The supply of the dope was readily available within this environment so our addictions didn’t seem like that much of a big deal, because we always were under the impression it was just a habit and could give it up at any time. Once she moved out, with her son, we embark on our voyage of life together. The first year was great but changed dramatically once our supplier moved away, which caused my life to change forever. The unforgetable, terrible scum I had to score off over the next 20 years, to not only satisfy my addiction, but my ex-wife too. We went from dope to extasy to MDMA to powder Amphetamines and finally to Meth Amphetamines, all along continuing to regulate the abuse with canabis. I lied and lied and lied and lied. Not only about how I paid for them, where I got them from and who I got them from. Lies to cover lies to cover lies to cover lies. And when I couldn’t pay or couldn’t aquire substances, my ex-wife took to serious Alcohol abuse and became very violent.

During all this we managed to have a perfically healthy baby girl, who is nearly 17, but may as well be 27 after what she has witnessed. I read something about a certain types of people who lie, but I identified with all types due to dealing with our families, dealing with my ex-wife and the most harmful environment, dealing with dealers. My ex-wife walked out on our marrige, which I don’t blame her for doing as I think all my lies did make her question her sanity, yet not an hour goes by that I wish I could hold her and love her again. Unfortunately, there is not enough time left in our lifes, at 40 and 41, for me to repair her lost trust and respect for me again. And it’s hard, so hard for me to accept these facts. If your ex-husband is solely to blame for his lies and the damage he has caused and the pain he has create, well I personally think he would be very upset deep in side his heart. Substance abuse is a generic illness, like alcoholism, but alcohol is legal and therefore makes substance abuse much more difficult to overcome. Vanessa I can relate to your story.

I’ve asked myself and my husband “why?” So many times. I can’t believe that he chose his lies and the kind of life that came with them over me and our daughter. Whenever I caught him in a lie he would get very defensive. Suddenly everything that he had done wrong was somehow my fault. I think it hurt his pride to get caught. He and I are getting divorced. I’m going to focus on raising my child and getting my life back on track instead of trying to keep track of him. I hope I will be happier in the long run. I also hope your life gets back on track soon too. You and your children deserve a good life. olaguenancy18@gmail.com I need help….I lied to my husband about some serious stuff I’ve been trying to lay everything out on the Table and it’s just to hard to do, he said he’s giving me another chance and if I can’t tell the truth he’s going to leave. Jessica Gonzalez My husband use to lie about his hours spent working I was pregnant and felt so unimportant to him. Then he lied about watching open where money was spent. He has lied about hiding money from me and even when he got caught didn’t seem to bother him much.

He recently told me he was kidnapped. We are separated and I hadn’t seen it heard from him in a few days. I even received a text message that was supposedly given to one of the kidnappers saying that he loved me and might not see me again. There were so many holes in his story but it seemed like he believed it too. It has left me angry, feeling disrespected and not worth the truth. I started sleeping with other men just to get his attention I wanted him to notice me and to stop watching porn especially after promising he had stopped. TheHopeLine Actually you can be addicted to it. Check out this link. OR chat with a HopeCoach about it brenda my grandaughter dad said i did something to her and i did not that lie can get me in jail just a lier lier praveen BBC - Ethics - Lying O what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. Sir Walter Scott, Marmion Lying is probably one of the most common wrong acts that we carry out (one researcher has said 'lying is an unavoidable part of human nature'), so it's worth spending time thinking about it.

Most people would say that lying is always wrong, except when there's a good reason for it - which means that it's not always wrong! But even people who think lying is always wrong have a problem... Consider the case where telling a lie would mean that 10 other lies would not be told. If 10 lies are worse than 1 lie then it would seem to be a good thing to tell the first lie, but if lying is always wrong then it's wrong to tell the first lie... Acknowledgement Nobody who writes about lying nowadays can do so without acknowledging an enormous debt to this groundbreaking book: Lying: Moral choice in public and private life, by Sisela Bok, 1978. What is a lie? Lying is a form of deception, but not all forms of deception are lies. Lying is giving some information while believing it to be untrue, intending to deceive by doing so.

A lie has three essential features: A lie communicates some information The liar intends to deceive or mislead The liar believes that what they are 'saying' is not true There are some features that people think are part of lying but aren't actually necessary: A lie does not have to give false information A lies does not have to be told with a bad (malicious) intention - white lies are an example of lies told with a good intention This definition says that what makes a lie a lie is that the liar intends to deceive (or at least to mislead) the person they are lying to. It says nothing about whether the information given is true or false. This definition covers ordinary cases of lying and these two odd cases as well: the case where someone inadvertently gives true information while believing that they're telling a lie I want the last helping of pie for myself, so I lie to you that there is a worm in it. When I later eat that piece of pie I discover that there really is a worm in it the case where nobody is deceived by me because they know that I always tell lies Lying and statements Some philosophers believe that lying requires a statement of some sort; they say that the liar must actually speak or write or gesture.

Sisella Bok, author of a major philosophical book on the subject of lying, defines a lie as: an intentionally deceptive message in the form of a statement Others stretch the definition to include doing nothing in response to a question, knowing that this will deceive the questioner. Others include 'living a lie'; those cases where someone behaves in a way that misleads the rest of us as to their true nature. Why is lying wrong? There are many reasons why people think lying is wrong; which ones resonate best with you will depend on the way you think about ethics.

Lying is bad because a generally truthful world is a good thing: lying diminishes trust between human beings: if people generally didn't tell the truth, life would become very difficult, as nobody could be trusted and nothing you heard or read could be trusted - you would have to find everything out for yourself an untrusting world is also bad for liars - lying isn't much use if everyone is doing it Lying is bad because it treats those who are lied to as a means to achieve the liar's purpose, rather than as a valuable end in themselves Many people think that it is wrong to treat people as means not ends Lying is bad because it makes it difficult for the person being lied to make a free and informed decision about the matter concerned Lies lead people to base their decisions on false information Lying is bad because it cannot sensibly be made into a universal principle Many people think that something should only be accepted as an ethical rule if it can be applied in every case Lying is bad because it's a basic moral wrong Some things are fundamentally bad - lying is one of them Lying is bad because it's something that Good People don't do Good behaviour displays the virtues found in Good People Lying is bad because it corrupts the liar Telling lies

 may become a habit and if a person regularly indulges in one form of wrong-doing they may well become more comfortable with wrong-doing in general Some religious people argue Lying is bad because it misuses the God-given gift of human communication God gave humanity speech so that they could accurately share their thoughts - lying does the opposite Some philosophers say lying is bad because language is essential to human societies and carries the obligation to use it truthfully When people use language they effectively 'make a contract' to use it in a particular way - one of the clauses of this contract is not to use language deceitfully What harm do lies do?

Lies obviously hurt the person who is lied to (most of the time), but they can also hurt the liar, and society in general.

The person who is lied to suffers if they don't find out because: They are deprived of some control over their future because They can no longer make an informed choice about the issue concerned They are not fully informed about their possible courses of action They may make a decision that they would not otherwise have made They may suffer damage as a result of the lie The person who is lied to suffers if they do find out because: They feel badly treated - deceived and manipulated, and regarded as a person who doesn't deserve the truth They see the damage they have suffered They doubt their own ability to assess truth and make decisions They become untrusting and uncertain and this too damages their ability to make free and informed choices They may seek revenge The liar is hurt because: He has to remember the lies he's told He must act in conformity with the lies He may have to tell more lies to avoid being found out He has to be wary of those he's lied to His long-term credibility is at risk He will probably suffer harm if he's found out If he's found out, people are more likely to lie to him If he's found out he's less likely to be believed in future His own view of his integrity is damaged He may find it easier to lie again or to do other

 wrongs Those who tell 'good lies' don't generally suffer these consequences - although they may do so on some occasions.

Society is hurt because: Eventually no-one is able to believe anyone else and society collapses When is it OK to lie? The philosopher Sissela Bok put forward a process for testing whether a lie could be justified. She calls it the test of publicity: The test of publicity asks which lies, if any, would survive the appeal for justification to reasonable persons. Sissela Bok, Lying: Moral Choice in Public and Private Life, 1978 If we were to apply this test as a thought experiment we would bring together a panel of everyone affected by a particular lie - the liar, those lied to and everyone who might be affected by the lie. We would then put forward all our arguments for telling a particular lie and then ask that 'jury' of relevant and reasonable persons if telling this lie was justified. But what could we do in the real world?

First inspect our own conscience and ask whether the lie is justified Second, ask friends or colleagues, or people with special ethical knowledge what they think about the particular case Thirdly, consult some independent persons about it This sort of test is most useful when considering what we might call 'public' lying - when an institution is considering just how much truth to tell about a project - perhaps a medical experiment, or a proposed war, or an environmental development. One executive observed to this writer that a useful test for the justifiability of an action that he was uncertain about was to imagine what the press would write afterwards if they discovered what he had done and compared it to what he had said in advance. In most cases of personal small scale lying there is no opportunity to do anything more than consult our own conscience - but we should remember that our conscience is usually rather biased in our favour. A good way of helping our conscience is to ask how we would feel if we were on the receiving end of the lie. It's certainly not foolproof, but it may be helpful. Bok sets out some factors that should be considered when contemplating a lie: Are there some truthful alternatives to using a lie to deal with the particular problem?

What moral justifications are there for telling this lie - and what counter-arguments can be raised against those justifications? What would a public jury of reasonable persons say about this lie? Lying and ethical theory Lying and ethical theory Different theories of ethics approach lying in different ways. In grossly over-simplified terms, those who follow consequentialist theories are concerned with the consequences of lying and if telling a lie would lead to a better result than telling the truth, they will argue that it is good to tell the lie. They would ask: ‘Would telling the truth or telling a lie bring about the better consequences?’ In contrast, a dutybased ethicist would argue that, even if lying has the better consequences, it is still morally wrong to lie. Consequentialists (Utilitarians) and lies Consequentialists assess the rightness or wrongness of doing something by looking at the consequences caused by that act. So if telling a particular lie produces a better result than not telling it, then telling it would be a good thing to do. And if telling a particular lie produces a worse result than not telling it, telling it would be a bad thing to do.

This has a certain commonsense appeal, but it's also quite impractical since it requires a person to work out in advance the likely good and bad consequences of the lie they are about to tell and balance the good against the bad. This is hard to do, because: consequences are hard to predict measuring good and bad is hard how do we decide what is good and what is bad? for whom is it good or bad? what system of measurement can we use? what consequences are relevant? how long a time-period should be used in assessing the consequences? it requires a person to value everyone involved equally and not to give extra value to their own wishes it requires a person to consider the consequences to society in general of telling lies as well as the consequences for those actually involved So most Utilitarian thinkers don't apply it on a case by case basis but use the theory to come up with some general principles -- perhaps along the lines of: Lying is bad, because it causes harm to people it reduces society's general respect for truth; but there are some cases - white lies or mercy lies - where it may be OK to tell lies. This is an example of 'rule-utilitarianism'; considering every single action separately is 'act-Utilitarianism'.

These two forms of Utilitarianism could lead to different results: An act-Utilitarian might say that telling a lie in a particular case did lead to the best results for everyone involved and for society as a whole, while a rule-Utilitarian might argue that since lying made society a less happy place, it was wrong to tell lies, even in this particular case. Deontologists Deontologists base their moral thinking on general universal laws, and not on the results of particular acts. (The word comes from from the Greek word deon, meaning duty.) An act is therefore either a right or a wrong act, regardless of whether it produces good or bad consequences. Deontologists don't always agree on how we arrive at 'moral laws', or on what such laws are, but one generally accepted moral law is 'do not tell lies'. And if that is the law then lying is always wrong - even if telling the truth would produce far better consequences: so if I lie to a terrorist death squad about the whereabouts of the people that they’re hunting, and so save their lives, I have in fact done wrong, because I broke the rule that says lying is wrong.

Most of us would accept that an unbreakable rule against lying would be unworkable, but a more sophisticated rule (perhaps one with a list of exceptions) might be something we could live with. Virtue ethics Virtue ethics looks at what good (virtuous) people do. If honesty is a virtue in the particular system involved, then lying is a bad thing. The difficulty with this approach comes when a virtuous person tells a lie as a result of another virtue (compassion perhaps). The solution might be to consider what an ideal person would have done in the particular circumstances. Every liar says the opposite of what he thinks in his heart, with purpose to deceive. St Augustine, The Enchiridon Christian theologian St. Augustine (354-430) taught that lying was always wrong, but accepted that this would be very difficult to live up to and that in real life people needed a get-out clause.

St Augustine said that: God gave human beings speech so that they could make their thoughts known to each other; therefore using speech to deceive people is a sin, because it's using speech to do the opposite of what God intended The true sin of lying is contained in the desire to deceive Augustine believed that some lies could be pardoned, and that there were in fact occasions when lying would be the right thing to do. He grouped lies into 8 classes, depending on how difficult it was to pardon them. Here's his list, with the least forgivable lies at the top: Lies told in teaching religion Lies which hurt someone and help nobody Lies which hurt someone but benefit someone else Lies told for the pleasure of deceiving someone Lies told to please others in conversation Lies which hurt nobody and benefit someone Lies which hurt nobody and benefit someone by keeping open the possibility of their repentance Lies which hurt nobody and protect a person from physical 'defilement' Thomas Aquinas Thomas Aquinas also thought that all lies were wrong, but that there was a hierarchy of lies and those at the bottom could be forgiven.

His list was: Malicious lies: lies told to do harm Malicious lies are mortal sins 'Jocose lies': lies told in fun These are pardonable Other types of lying Mental reservations This legalistic device divides a statement into two parts: the first part is misleading, the two parts together are true - however only the first part is said aloud, the second part is a 'mental reservation'. Here are some examples: "I have never cheated on my wife" (except last Thursday) "I did not steal the cakes" (on Thursday afternoon) "I did not touch the painting" (but my glove did) This device seems outrageous to the modern mind, but a few centuries ago it was much used. One common occasion for mental reservations was in court, when a person had sworn an oath to tell the truth and expected God to punish them if they lied. If they'd stolen some sheep on Tuesday they could safely tell the court "I did not steal those sheep" as long as they added in their mind "on Monday". Since God was believed to know every thought, God would hear the mental reservation as well as the public statement and therefore would not have been lied to.

Sissela Bok says that this device is recommended to doctors by one textbook. If a feverish patient, for example, asks what his temperature is, the doctor is advised to answer "your temperature is normal today" while making the mental reservation that it is normal for a person in the patient's precise physical condition. Lying to those with no right to the truth The Dutch philosopher and lawyer Hugo Grotius (1583-1645) taught that a lie is not really wrong if the person being lied to has no right to the truth. This stemmed from his idea that what made a wrong or unjust action wrong was that it violated someone else's rights. If someone has no right to the truth, their rights aren't violated if they're told a lie. This argument would seem to teach that it's not an unethical lie to tell a mugger that you have no money (although it is a very unwise thing to do), and it is not an unethical lie to tell a death squad that you don't know where their potential victim is hiding.

In practice, most people would regard this as a very legalistic and 'small print' sort of argument and not think it much of a justification for telling lies, except in certain extreme cases that can probably be justified on other grounds. Lying to liars If someone lies to you, are you entitled to lie to them in return? Has the liar lost the right to be told the truth? Human behaviour suggests that we do feel less obliged to be truthful to liars than to people who deal with us honestly. Most moral philosophers would say that you are not justified in lying to another person because they have lied to you. From an ethical point of view, the first thing is that a lie is still a lie - even if told to a liar. Secondly, while the liar may be regarded as having lost the right to be told the truth, society as a whole still retains some sort of right that its members should use language truthfully. But is it a pardonable lie? The old maxim 'two wrongs don't make a right' suggests that it isn't, and it's clear that even if the liar has lost their right to be told the truth, all the other reasons why lying is bad are still valid.

But there is a real change in the ethics of the situation; this is not that a lie to a liar is forgivable, but that the liar himself is not in a morally strong position to complain about being lied to. But - and it's a big 'but' - even this probably only applies in a particular context - if I tell you lies about the number of children I have, that doesn't entitle you to lie to me about the time of the next train to London, although it would make it very hard for me to complain if you were to lie to me about the number of children in your family. Nor does it justify lying to someone because you know they are an habitual liar - once again all the other arguments against lying are still valid. Mutual agreed deception There are cases where two people (or groups of people) willingly engage in a mutual deception, because they think it will benefit them. Sisela Bok puts it like this: Such deception can resemble a game where both partners know the rules and play by them. It resembles, then, a pact of sorts, whereby what each can do, what each gains by the arrangement, is clearly understood.

Sissela Bok, Lying: Moral Choice in Public and Private Life, 1978 An example of this is a negotiation in which both parties will lie to each other ('that's my best price', 'I'll have to leave it then') in a way that everyone involved understands. Lies that don't deceive are not sinful lies...or are they? If both parties know that the liar's statement is NOT intended to be taken as a definitive and important statement of the truth then it may not count as a sinful lie, because there's no intention to deceive. There are many cases where no reasonable person expects what is said to them to be genuinely truthful. That may let us off the hook for things like: Flattery: 'you look lovely' Gratitude: 'that's just what I wanted' Formal language conventions: 'sincerely yours', 'pleased to meet you' Bargaining: 'my best price is £500' Generalisation: 'it always rains in Manchester' Advertising: '#### washes whitest' If believing the advert might lead to bad consequences - for example in medical advertising - this would not count as a guilt-free lie.

Jokes: 'there was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman' Unpredictable situations: 'it won't rain today' Sporting tips: 'Pegleg is unbeatable in the 3:30 race' False excuses: 'he's in a meeting' Conjuring tricks: 'There's nothing up my sleeve' It's not always easy to see the difference between these statements and white lies. Incidentally the Ethics web team disagreed amongst themselves as to the status of lies that don't deceive - your thoughts are very welcome. White lies A white lie is a lie that is not intended to harm the person being lied to - indeed it's often intended to benefit them by making them feel good, or preventing their feelings being hurt. For example, I go to a dinner party and my hostess asks how I like the dish she's prepared. The true answer happens to be 'I think it tastes horrible' but if I say 'it's delicious' that's a white lie. Most people would approve of that white lie and would regard telling the truth as a bad thing to do.

(But this lie does do some harm - the hostess may feel encouraged to make that dish again, and so future guests will have to suffer from it.) White lies usually include most of these features: they are not intended to harm the person lied to they are not intended to harm anyone else they don't actually harm anyone (or only do trivial harm) the lie is about something morally trivial they aren't told so often that they devalue what you say White lies are not a totally good thing: the person being lied to is deprived of information that they might find useful even if they found it unpleasant the person telling the lies may find it easier to lie in future and they may come to blur the boundary between white lies and more blameworthy lies White lies weaken the general presumption that lying is wrong and may make it easier for a person to tell lies that are intended to harm someone, or may make it easier to avoid telling truths that need to be told - for example, when giving a performance evaluation it is more comfortable not to tell someone that their work is sub-standard. Eight Types of Lies that People Tell Eight Types of Lies that People Tell Tags: Lying No one would deny that lying is a bad habit.

Yet many people are clueless as to how big of a problem it is. Sadly, lying can become an unconscious and destructive habit. Let’s talk about the different kinds of lies and see if you recognize them. Types of Lies Understanding the different types of lies can go a long way in recognizing the issues that the liar is going through- whether it be you or a friend. White Lies A white lie is often called the least serious of all lies. People tell white lies claiming to be tactful or polite. For example, it could be making up an excuse for not going to a party, or showing appreciation for an undesirable gift. But telling white lies after awhile can cause conflict with others because over time they understand the insincerity. That is why white liars can lose their credibility. Patterns of white lies made over time can create distance between you and others, and destroy your credibility. Brandon admitted: Sometimes I say I have plans to do something when I don’t, just to get out of having to tell someone I don’t want to go with them. It seems like the better option, than saying ËœI don’t like you.’ There are other ways Brandon could turn down somebody’s offer than telling a white lie.

Sheriah said: I only lie when I tell people I am doing good when I am sad or depressed. I tell them that because I don’t want people knowing about what I go through and how my personal life is. By telling this white lie she is showing disrespect for the person who asked a relationship building question, and is putting up a roadblock to a deeper relationship. Broken Promises Broken promises are a failure to keep one’s spoken commitment or promise. Broken promises can be especially damaging when the person who made the promise had no intentions whatsoever of keeping their word to begin with.A fellow blogger wrote:I told a girl I know that I’d go with her to the game even though I knew I wouldn’t be able to go. I wasn’t trying to hurt her, but I didn’t know what else to do. What my friend doesn’t understand is that lying to the girl and breaking the promise does double damage, causing hurt feelings that could have been avoided. By breaking his promise he did great damage to her hope. She no doubt was all excited about going to the game with him, only to have her hopes dashed. Broken promises can lead to broken lives.

The Lie of Fabrication Fabrication is telling others something you don’t know for sure is true. Fabrications are extremely hurtful because they lead to rumors that can damage someone else’s reputation. Spreading rumors is not only a lie but is also stealing another’s reputation.Paul wrote:I admit that I love spreading rumors. It’s all about telling lies about someone you don’t like. It usually works. The Bold-Faced Lie A bold-faced lie is telling something that everyone knows is a lie. It’s simple and sometimes cute for a little child to tell a bold-faced lie about not eating any cookies, even though there’s chocolate all over his or her face. As we get older, we try to be more clever with our cover-ups. Some people never grow up and deal with their bold-faced lying even though others know what they’re saying is completely false. When people hear a bold-faced lie they are resentful that the liar would be so belittling of their time and intelligence. Spreading rumors is not only a lie but is also stealing another’s reputation. Sara said: I hate lying. Especially when I know everybody knows I’m lying. I feel so dumb. Sara isn’t the only one who feels dumb.

The people she lies to could also feel the same way. The Lying in Exaggeration Exaggeration is enhancing a truth by adding lies to it. The person who exaggerates usually mixes truths and untruths to make themselves look impressive to others. An exaggerator can weave truth and lies together causing confusion even to the liar. After awhile the exaggerator begins to believe his or her exaggeration. Amber confessed she thinks exaggeration actually helped her:I’m not good at really anything, so I lie about stupid things so that I sound like there is more to me. An exaggerator is a tragic person because he or she feels so little about themselves that they have to make up stories to look good to others. Lies of Deception A deceiver tries to create an impression that causes others to be misled, by not telling all the facts, or creating a false impression.Jon admitted he was a deceiver:Sometimes I don’t like being seen as smart, so I’ll joke around about how smart I am just to try and get people to think that I’m not that smart. It works sometimes.

It doesn’t feel like lying, I guess I’m just pretending to be something I’m not.Causing deception is a powerful and hurtful tool. It can be very subtle yet deadly. When people hear a bold-faced lie they are resentful that the liar would be so belittling of their time and intelligence. Plagiarism Plagiarism is both stealing and lying. It consists of copying someone else’s work and calling it your own. Plagiarism is a very serious act. Some college and graduate students have even been kicked out of school because of it. Scott asked a question and admitted his plagiarizing: Is it lying to copy something from the internet and call it your own? I do this sometimes when working on a paper for school and I run out of time. Scott seems to be confused about his plagiarizing. Yes Scott, it is lying. Just because it is easy to do does not make it right. Compulsive Lying Compulsive lying is often caused by low self-esteem and a need for attention; in fact, the compulsive liar finds it all but impossible to stop. A compulsive liar tells their mistruths even when telling the truth would be easier and better.

Bree said:This guy I grew up with tells lies like its no tomorrow. What I don’t get is that I actually think he believes every word of the lie is true. I think it’s ridiculous. It is more than ridiculous, it is a tragedy. Have you ever told any one of these lies? Do you ever wonder if a person can get away with lying? Not really. You may be able to lie for a while, but in the end it will come back to haunt you. What starts as simple white lie over time can turn into a life-destroying habit. It’s important to know there is freedom in living and telling the truth. It may be difficult at first, but as Jesus said, The truth shall set you free. For more information and help, click the link below to download TheHopeLine® eBook. Dawson McAllister (born in New Kensington, Pennsylvania) is an American speaker, radio host, and author. He is the founder of Dawson McAllister Association and TheHopeLine and host of the national radio program Dawson McAllister Live, which is aired on Sunday nights.

Dawson has been speaking to and in support of teenagers and young adults for over 40 years. . TheHopeLine reads every comment. The purpose of the blogs are to provide help through the content, stories, and struggles of others. If you are looking for immediate help please click on an option above. MF My husband started lying to cover up his substance abuse problem he started about 3 years into our marriage. By doing this he made me “the enemy” instead of his ally. He changed how he viewed me in our relationship. I was the one he trained himself to keep things from instead of share his life with me Nick My wife’s father called my wife and let loose with an undeserved drunken abusive tirade. She told the story to her mother, and with her support, they fronted him for an explanation. He looked at both of them and denied that it had happened. I understand that he lied to my wife’s mother, ie he presented a falsehood in order to deceive, but what did he do to my wife? The two of them both knew exactly what had happened. He knew that he would not be able to deceive her. What sort of lie is that?

Hedera Leaf I often lie to protect myself sometimes, and to protect the people close to me against to those whose insecurity and selfishness overpowered them. A lie is a lie, right? mia s Yeah a lie is a lie. When you lie to someone you rob them of making a choice with all the factual information presented. Maybe if you told them the truth they would make a different choice you know. ghfhj What about lies of omission? Andrew It means that you only tell part of the truth. For example, “I did not steal my classmate’s pencil.” You hid it, but technicallly, did not steal it. Hope this helps……. Sarah Legally speaking, “hiding” someone’s pencil is just as much a theft as if you kept it in your pocket. You intentionally took property without permission and now the owner doesn’t have it. It doesn’t matter what you did with it: it’s the taking from someone that’s the crime. planetman Contextual lies? Roger D. The most fascinating thing I find about lying is that it isn’t reserved for humans. Animals do it all the time, as a survival mechanism. Think Camoflage.

“I am not here, you do not see me.” Or pets, who can tell a boldfaced lie as bad as a kid. lola this is all so true^ Change15 If you have lied and want to change. Do you have to admit to your lies or can you just move on from them! Leave the lies in the past and just start fresh day to day. Why people lie — and how to tell if they are - TODAY.com Today.com Why people lie — and how to tell if they are 2004-01-31T19:58:35.000Z comment () Everybody lies. It may only be “white” lies, but everyone tells lies or “omits the truth” sometimes. We start lying at around age 4 to 5 when children gain an awareness of the use and power of language. This first lying is not malicious, but rather to find out, or test, what can manipulated in a child’s environment. Eventually children begin to use lying to get out of trouble or get something they want. White lies, those concocted to protect someone’s feelings, are not a big deal at all.

The person, however, who seems to feel compelled to lie about both the small and large stuff has a problem. We often call these folks pathological liars (which is a description, not a diagnosis). They lie to protect themselves, look good, gain financially or socially and avoid punishment. Quite often the person who has been deceived knows that this type of liar has to a certain extent deluded him or herself and is therefore to be somewhat pitied. A much more troubling group is those who lie a lot — and knowingly — for personal gain. These people may have a diagnosis called antisocial personality disorder, also known as being a sociopath, and often get into scrapes with the law. Lying often gets worse with the passage of time. When you get away with a lie it often impels you to continue your deceptions. Also, liars often find themselves perpetrating more untruths to cover themselves. We hold different people to different standards when it comes to telling the truth. We expect, for example, less honesty from politicians than from scientists. We have a vision of purity about those who are doing research, while we imagine that politicians will at least shade the truth about themselves in order to get elected.

Why do we dislike liars, especially sociopaths, so much? It’s a matter of trust. When a person lies, they have broken a bond – an unspoken agreement to treat others as we would like to be treated. Serious deception often makes it impossible for us to trust another person again. Because the issue of trust is on the line, coming clean about the lie as soon as possible is the best way to mend fences. If the truth only comes out once it is forced, repair of trust is far less likely. As a parent, the most important message you can send your children about lying is that you always — always — want them to come clean with you. No matter how big a whopper they have told, remind them that you would always rather hear the truth, no matter how bad it is, than be deceived. Tell them there is really nothing more sacred in your relationship than your trust of each other. Of course, all this presupposes that we have discovered an untruth — some people are so expert at deception that it often takes a long time to find out that we have been lied to. How, then, can we best detect whether we are being misled?

There is no foolproof way, but there are often clues you can see in behavior that should make you suspicious: Avoidance of eye contact: Usually someone makes eye contact at least half the time they are talking to you. If you notice them avoiding eye contact or looking down during a specific part of a conversation, they may well be lying. Change of voice: A variation in pitch of voice or rate of speech can be a sign of lying. So can lots of umms and ahhs. Body language. Turning your body away, covering your face or mouth, a lot of fidgeting of hands or legs can indicate deception. Contradicting yourself:. Making statements that just don’t hold together should make you suspicious. If you lie all the time, even about unimportant things, you are likely to have a problem that will eventually -- if it hasn’t already -- cause you real relationship, financial or legal troubles. Figuring out what is driving you to lie in the first place will help heal this self-destructive behavior. This may mean going into treatment with a therapist to discover why you feel the need to deceive. Dr.

Gail Saltz is a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital and a regular contributor to “Today.” For more information, you can visit her Web site, . Why We Lie Why We Lie May 15, 2006 06:26am ET MORE We all lie, all the time. It causes problems, to say the least. So why do we do it? It boils down to the shifting sands of the self and trying to look good both to ourselves and others, experts say. "It's tied in with self-esteem," says University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman. "We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels." Not all lies are harmful. In fact, sometimes lying is the best approach for protecting privacy and ourselves and others from malice, some researchers say. Some deception, such as boasting and lies in the name of tact and politeness, can be classified as less than serious. But bald-faced lies (whether they involve leaving out the truth or putting in something false), are harmful, as they corrode trust and intimacy—the glue of society.

Kidding yourself Many animals engage in deception, or deliberately misleading another, but only humans are wired to deceive both themselves and others, researchers say. People are so engaged in managing how others perceive them that they are often unable to separate truth from fiction in their own minds, Feldman's research shows. For instance, In one experiment, Feldman put two strangers in a room together. They were videotaped while they conversed. Later, independently, each was asked to view the tape and identify anything they had said that was not entirely accurate. Rather than defining what counts as a lie and to avoid the moral tone of the word "lie," Feldman's experimenters simply asked subjects after the fact to identify anything they had said in the video that was "not entirely accurate." Initially, "Each subject said, 'Oh, I was entirely accurate,'" Feldman told LiveScience. Upon watching themselves on video, subjects were genuinely surprised to discover they had said something inaccurate. The lies ranged from pretending to like someone they actually disliked to falsely claiming to be the star of a rock band.

The study, published in the Journal of Basic and Applied Psychology, found that 60 percent of people had lied at least once during the 10-minute conversation, saying an average of 2.92 inaccurate things. "People almost lie reflexively," Feldman says. "They don't think about it as part of their normal social discourse." But it is, the research showed. "We're trying not so much to impress other people but to maintain a view of ourselves that is consistent with the way they would like us to be," Feldman said. We want to be agreeable, to make the social situation smoother or easier, and to avoid insulting others through disagreement or discord. Men lie no more than women, but they tend to lie to make themselves look better, while women are more likely to lie to make the other person feel better. Extroverts tend to lie more than introverts, Feldman found in similar research involving a job-interview situation. Workplace lies Other research has delved into prevarication in the workplace. Self-esteem and threats to our sense of self are also drivers when it comes to lying to co-workers, rather than strangers, says Jennifer Argo of the University of Alberta.

A recent study she co-authored showed that people are even more willing to lie to coworkers than they are to strangers. "We want to both look good when we are in the company of others (especially people we care about), and we want to protect our self-worth," Argo told LiveScience. The experiment involved reading a scenario to a subject, telling them they had paid more than a coworker for the same new car. When the coworker, in the scenario, mentioned what they had paid, $200 or $2,000 more in different versions of the experiment, the subject was asked to report how they would respond. Argo found that her subjects were more willing to lie when the price difference was small and when they were talking to a coworker rather than to a stranger. Consumers lie to protect their public and private selves, she wrote in the Journal of Consumer Research with her colleagues from the University of Calgary and University of British Columbia. Argo said she was surprised that people are so willing to lie to someone they know even over a small price discrepancy.

"I guess closely tied to this is that people appear to be short-term focused when they decide to deceive someone—save my self-image and self-worth now, but later on if the deceived individual finds out it can have long-term consequences," she said. Feldman says people should become more aware of the extent to which we tend to lie and that honesty yields more genuine relationships and trust. "The default ought to be to be honest and accurate ... We're better off if honesty is the norm. It's like the old saying: honesty is the best policy." Related Stories

Question: Someone who tells lies is said to be what?
Answer: Mendacious