Carry On quip voted funniest one-liner | Daily Mail Online Carry On quip voted funniest one-liner Last updated at 10:08 04 April 2007 Kenneth Williams' Carry On gag "Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!" has been voted the funniest film one-liner. Williams uttered the words as Julius Caesar in 1964 romp Carry On Cleo. It was named the best one-liner in a poll of 1,000 comedians, industry figures and film fans by Sky Movies Comedy. Second in the survey was from the Life of Brian: "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy." Third was the Airplane! classic in which Leslie Nielseon is told: "Surely you can't be serious," and replies: "I am serious - and don't call me Shirley." Nine of the top 10 one-liners were delivered by men. They include Woody Allen's famous quip from Annie Hall: "Don't knock masturbation.

It's sex with someone I love." Bob McCabe, film critic and author of The Rough Guide To Comedy, said: "It's great to see two British movies in the top three and well-established classics with great lasting power. "I thought that Kenneth Williams would win, as it is a great stand-alone joke, the joke is simple and no build-up to the line is needed." Top 10: 1) "Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!" Kenneth Williams as Julius Caesar - Carry On Cleo (1964) 2) "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy." Terry Jones as Brian's mum - Life Of Brian (1979) 3) "Surely you can't be serious?" "I am serious - and don't call me Shirley." Leslie Nielsen as Dr Rumack - Airplane! (1980) 4) "Remember you're fighting for this woman's honour, which is probably more than she ever did." Groucho Marx as Rufus T Firefly - Duck Soup (1933) 5) "Don't knock masturbation.

It's sex with someone I love." Woody Allen as Alvy Singer - Annie Hall (1977) 6) "Do you have a licence for your minkey?" Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau - The Return of the Pink Panther (1975) 7) "Is that... is that hair gel?" Cameron Diaz as Mary Jensen - There's Something About Mary (1998) 8) Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the War Room." Peter Sellers as President Merkin Muffley - Dr Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Bomb (1963) 9) "Nice beaver!" "Thank you. I just had it stuffed." Leslie Nielsen as Lt Frank Drebin and Priscilla Presley as Jane Spencer - The Naked Gun: From The Files of Police Squad!

(1988) 10) "When I met Mary I got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her." Jim Carrey as Lloyd Christmas - Dumb and Dumber (1994) Kenneth Williams - IMDb IMDb 17 January 2017 4:34 PM, UTC NEWS Actor | Writer | Soundtrack The acting bug bit Kenneth Williams when, as a student, his English teacher suggested he try out for a school play. He found that he enjoyed it tremendously, but when he raised the possibility at home of becoming an actor, his father forbade it. Williams was eventually sent to art school in London in 1941. In 1944 he was drafted into the army, and... See full bio » Born: Radio Comedy .

in the 40s & 50s See here 12) 'Much Binding in the Marsh', the country club-cum-RAF station where nothing of any consequence was done (just like at certain National Service RAF stations, at which I spent a couple of years too), was on from about 1949, and went on until about 1956 - Dicky 'Stinker' Murdock, Kenneth Horne, with Dick Bentley and Maurice Denham, Sam Costa, Hattie Jacques and Kitty Bluet etc. One catch phrase was "Good Old Charl-ieee" (eventually also said when young Prince Charles was in the audience). Always ended with the words "That little thing that goes something like this... "Then the 3-verse song: "And Much Binding in the Marsh,..." with little inserts like 'tiddle-im-pom-pom', 'last verse', 'how's yer faaather' or 'keep your hair on' etc. ad. lib. Roger from Manila reminds me: "There was, of course, no smut in those days and recall vividly Kenneth Horne saying in one of his monologues: " . . . . . .

and he grabbed hold of her. 'Course it's . . . . . " Now THAT brought on a huge laugh from the audience." John Weaver reminds: "There were three shows in the 1940s connected with the services which were aired in rotation. 'Much Binding in the Marsh' with Richard Murdoch and Kenneth Horne was R.A.F., 'Stand Easy' with Charlie Chester was army and 'HMS Waterlogged' with Eric Barker (whose catchphrase was 'Carry on smoking') and Jon Pertwee was Royal Navy. You have mentioned all of these (or their successors) separately but they were in fact part of the same series under the umbrella title Merry-go-Round. I recall as a boy finding the Navy version the least humorous of the three and Much Binding the best, but post-Monty Python all of them would probably now seem very tame and not particularly funny. " 13) 'The Jimmy Jewel and Ben Warris Show' There were a dozen series shows in all (including 'Up the Pole') - all having Jimmy Jewel in - with different titles, from 1951 to 1972.

Jewel and Warris had as a signature tune, which they sang in duet, 'Shine on Harvest Moon'. They seemed very funny to me in the early 50s when I was about 15 years old. 14) 'Educating Archie', with Peter Brough and his ventriloquist's doll ('Archie Andrews' - a much easier act to do on radio than TV, it would seem! It flopped on telly because Peter Brough's mouth was seen to move!). The show started out with a schoolmasterly and rather lugubrious-sounding character called Morton, who'd say when he though himself to be 'crisp', "Oh! Get in there, Morton". (My informant tells me that the “Oh! Get in there Morton” was said at a time when Robert Norton – who used to quote from the pages of his “Bumper Fun Book” – actually got one of his jokes right. As you will probably remember, the whole basis of his ‘show’ was to tell jokes incorrectly. He would tell the first half, but then the second half seemed to bare no relation to the first because it came from a different joke.

He would suddenly realize that something was wrong and with the words of: “Now just a minute . . . no . . . that’s not right” he would then try and sort it out.) Morton was the impossible Archie's teacher, and was always made a laughing stock. The teacher trying to educate Archie changed often and various starts - many subsequently foremost in radio comedy - made a succession of teachers for the dummy, Archie. These included Harry Secombe, James Robertson Justice, Tony Hancock, Sidney James and others. 15) 'Take it From Here' - written by Dennis Norden and Frank Muir - had Dick Bentley (playing Ron Glum), Jimmy Edwards (Mr. Glum) & June Whitfield... playing Eth Glum. Joy Nichols was also involved. '(As the Goons later quipped: Question: 'Hey, where'd you get that old joke from?' - Answer: 'Take it From Here' 1954). One of the best shows was where - to Mr. Glum's outrage, chronically out-of-work Ron managed to get a job as a copper at the local Police Station.

One of the funniest lines they managed was when Ron was pressing past Eth to bring in his bike through the narrow hall passageway and she complained about him rubbing himself up against her. He replied in that utterly gormless voice, "But I like it, Eth". ï¿½A correspondent, Peter Moore, adds his favourite bit from the Glums. "Eth has been protesting to Ron that she's not perfect and egging him on to give an example of any little failings she might have. After much deliberation. 'Well Eth...' 'Yes, Ron?' 'You're a bit ugly.' Also, Peter adds: "TIFH and later used by Kenneth Williams in a 'Carry On' film (Cleo?). They are the dying words of Julius Caesar as he is stabbed by Brutus et al. 'Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!'" 16) 'Ray's a Laugh' with Ted Ray ran for ages too. It was a Sunday lunchtime show, a domestic comedy in which Kitty Bluett played his wife, Fred Yule his brother-in-law.

At the beginning of his career, Peter Sellers appeared as Soppy, a small boy criticised by the nation's watchdogs for his catchphrase, "Just like your big red conk!" Another of his characters was a strange woman, Crystal Jollibottom ("Stop it you saucebox!" he would cry in a crazy falsetto). There was the glamour girl who would do anything, but "Not until after six-o'clock!" Roger Perry writes: "The one catchphrase I recall came from a duo called Bob and Alf Pearson. Their main act was to sin There was Ivy's (Ted Ray) devotion to Dr Hardcastle, for instance: "He's lovely, Mrs Hoskin, he's lovely!" And it was she to whom Mrs Hoskin would remark weakly: "It was agony, Ivy!" There was the adenoidal "If you haven't been to Manchester, you haven't lived."g, but they were given a five-minute spot in which Bob (or it may have been Alf) would say: “Hello little girl . . .

and what’s YOUR name?” The answer was always the same: “Jennnniiifffffeeeerrrr!” and said in a high falsetto voice." 17) ï¿½Hancockï¿½s Half-Hourï¿½ Until very recently, poor TH was left out of this list. The proclaimed ï¿½genius of British humourï¿½ now sounds a bit dated, mush. But his timing and tone of voice were marvellous. hhh-Hancockï¿½s Half Hour rose to prominence in the late 50s and ran on until his early death (suicide?). His chief companions were Sid(ney) James ï¿½ always playing the role of a Cockney crook, and the simplest ocker ever, Bill Kerr. I think this was where that most utter chump of all twisted bawdiness, Kenneth Williams, first loomed into view. The strange, queer Kenneth Williams was the biggest camp outrage (until Edna Everidge came up from down under).

My favourite Hancock show is ï¿½The Poetï¿½s Societyï¿½, which puts abstract modern poetry and all modern pseudo-intellectual ï¿½arty-fartinessï¿½ where it should beï¿½ in the laughing stocks! Hancock's poem was as abstract as he could make it, but - when questioned what it was about, he eventually hit on 'It's an attack on the licensing laws'. Asked what the phrase 'flaming camels' symbolised he replied "They're the camel drivers in the Gobi desert, you won't get any change out of 'em!". Sid James followed with a modern poem in which he inserted such words as 'lead roof' and 'fortune made' but he is judged by the Society as outclassed by Bill Kerr with a winning poem consisting of nonsense and which ends on the words 'Ching, cham, chollup'. When Hancock was chucked out of the Poet Society (which he was hosting in his own house in East Cheam) he got very 'narked' and decided to start another society to change the entire world...

trying to think of a suitable title for it, he eventually gave up, saying 'Or maybe I'll go to the pictures instead' 18) 'Beyond Our Ken' (1958-1964)- (See Kenneth Horne - was a long-running comedy show still in the old pre-Goon style, about the last of its kind, apart from the follow-up show, 'Round the Horne' (1965-1968) See ( Ken Williams became a feature here, until he went off with Sid James etc. to do the ï¿½Carry onï¿½ films. I hear that the ï¿½Round the Horneï¿½ programmes are being reissued on CD-ROM this year (2002) 19) Last here, but the very opposite of least, was 'The Goon Show', much esteemed. Greatly steamed!

Of this illustrious weekly disturbance on the Light programme so much has been written that I need not expand, other than direct fans to my web page about my having met the 'original' on whose voice Bluebottle was actually modelled , a certain red-bearded scoutmaster in Essex called Ruston Hayward, who is still extant (2004)! Needle-nardle-noo!Yin-tong-iddel-i-po. (They donï¿½t make ï¿½em like that any more. Canï¿½t get the wood, you know.) The greatest British impressionist ever - Peter Sellers - was the backbone of the performances, while Spike Milligan broke his back (and his mind occasionally) in writing the shows... an entirely new kind of humour which later inspired a generation and more. The only show that produced two knighthoods: Sir Neddy Seagoon and Sir Eccles. Marvellous developments in that illustrious institution - to think that raspberry-blower Secombe and mad Spike Milligan were actually elevated to such formal orders! Hooray! Hooray! Our heroes!

(But Spike should rather have been rewarded for his war service long ago, while he was instead made a deserter because the strains of shell-shock got him! Not to mention his very early stand on vivisection and animal rights at the price of ridicule!) Since this was written Spike received a very well-earned knighthood... Sir Spike... can you believe it? Since then, he has passed over into the beyond... Though this is mainly a steam radio page, I cannot resist at least a mention of three great comics who arrived on TV in the 50s:- 1) Tommy Cooper was first seen on black & white TV around 1952, wearing the fez from the very start. After the first show, many wondered if he were not just a conjuror who couldn't get it together, poor chap! And they were right too! But that was not the point, folks. For a long time, Tommy Cooper just had to appear to make you laughï¿½ he simply WAS funny. One of his co-performers was the Eric Sykes, also a radio comedian.

2) Frankie Howerd was a revelation in post-war daring bawdiness when first he appeared on TV in the early 50s. He pushed the boundaries of decency back a long way without getting punished for it. Even his way of saying 'Ladies and Gentlemen' was somehow suggestive, not to mention such names as Castor and Pollux (in 'On My Way to the Forum'). I think it was he who started the gag of pointing out into the audience and saying 'Not you, madam' and the like. 3) Norman Wisdom first appeared a bit later than the above two, but took slapstick pratfalls a mile further with his first show, where his hand got crushed in a grand piano, causing the most excruciatingly funny fall... such as had not been seen until then. I have been asked the following: "I had hoped your piece was going to enlighten me on a comedy monologue that ALWAYS began with “I’ve not been well” in a very downhearted voice and something that was greeted by the whole audience going “Aaaaahhhhhhh” in direct sympathy. I know no more than that. Any ideas?" I am at a loss... anyone know?

If you wish to send any more info. on the above programmes and personalities ï¿½(or ones I have missed out on) for inclusion here, including their jokes etc., please do e-mail me: Mail to the following reroNOSPAMMINGgetmail.no (but please insert @ in place of the words NOSPAMMING. This protects us against auto-scanners for sending spam. A condolence to Americans! Three of the greatest American humorists to have performed were Charles Chaplin, Stan Laurel and Bob Hope (hey, wait a moï¿½ they were all born English!). But the great Woody Allen, Seinfeld and Co. were real US comics. So, with those immortal words on almost every US film, I depart saying “Let’s get the hell outa here.” The Apprentice: Mutiny makes for a classic episode, says JIM SHELLEY | Daily Mail Online comments As this week’s task revolved around the subject of love and romance and internet dating, it was perhaps inevitable that The Apprentice consisted of a stream of couples arguing and bickering and finally having one almighty bust-up.

There was no doubt who won the battle of the sexes as a prime example of the strong modern woman (Luisa) rode rough shod over the old-fashioned English male (Jason). This was not as much fun as it sounds for Jason but made for a classic piece of television. Scroll down for video Girl Power: Francesca (right) and Luisa (centre) demonstrate the force of lovely hair as Jason (left) continues to dither Wide eyed: Jason Leech was fired from The Apprentice on Wednesday night after becoming the first ever contestant to quit as project manager half way through a task For the first time in its illustrious history, a Project Manager on The Apprentice faced a mutiny and was forced, in Neil Clough's words 'to abdicate'. It was hard to be sure which was more shocking: the fact that Jason was overthrown as leader of the task at the end of the first day or that at first he seemed to be the perfect man to spearhead it. But then Jason is nothing if not a man of surprises. Last week, for example, he sold a caravan. In Birmingham. Here, it emerged that he had headed a dating website before - when he was at university. ‘I was ‘Mr.

Cupid’ !’ he beamed, adding perhaps unnecessarily, ‘that was my ‘nickname’. You're Fired: it was Jason's turn to be on the wrong end of Lord Sugar's finger. 'You're a very, very nice fellow,' he told him touchingly Their task here was to create an ‘online dating concept’ and TV ad which they would present to what Lord Sugar called ‘a bunch of experts I have laid on’ (hopefully not literally). It was obvious Luisa didn’t like Endeavour’s concept of a website for the Over 50s from the beginning, especially when Neil and Francesca came back from the ‘Focus Group’ (some oldies down the pub) and proposed the name Friendship & Flowers. ‘I hate it,’ she declared with characteristic diplomacy. ‘Do we want the website to be timeless, elegant, classic ? Or cheeky, fun and a little bit on the line ?’ she asked Jason, practically winking that she favoured the second. Still energised at this (early) stage, Jason enthused about the name ‘Love Ignition’ - which sounded like a condom aimed at the hardcore S&M market. Gradually though, Jason’s dithering proved, um, decisive.

Rivals: Luisa took over as project manager butt he team still lost the task after a disastrous performance They had their first row in front of an office full of sniggering website types, arguing like a married couple. ‘Make a decision. Make a decision. Make a decision...’ Luisa told Jason, as he dithered and changed his mind over the colour of the Friendship & Flowers’ logo. ‘You’ve come up with some bloody grandma thing,’ she pouted. ‘I hate the over 50s.’ Certainly, there wasn’t a lot of love in the room. Arriving two hours late for their next meeting, Jason had at least reached one major decision. ‘You are such a decisive person, maybe I need you to lead this and, um, um, um, sort it.’ You knew Endeavour were in trouble when Luisa became the voice of reason, the face of unity. Francesca (right) looks to the heavens, Jason (centre) looks down in despair, while Neil (stubble) admires his reflection in the window At dinner that night, Luisa launched her leadership challenge and proposed the motion to replace Jason.

Not even Neil 'Brian' Clough' could stop her, though he tried. ‘You can’t change a project manager !’ said Cloughie. ‘Yes you can. Jason needs to decide whether to stand down or stand up and make clearer decisions,’ Luisa insisted, determined to make him do some kind of standing one way or another. Clough automatically assumed the position of king-maker, grilling Jason about why the F&F website had not been completed. ‘There was just a hell of a lot to do,’ Jason trembled, meaning so many shades of pink to choose from. ‘I’m in a vest of vipers. Everybody here has blood on their lips,’ he told the camera afterwards, inches away from Kenneth Williams’ famous line: ‘Infamy ! Infamy ! They’ve all got it in for me !’ Lord Sugar displays his delight at the news that Endeavour did not finish their website and fired their project manager - when that's his job ‘Jason,’ said Clough decisively, in his best impersonation of Lord Sugar, ‘I think you’ve lost it.’ Stopping short of adding ‘You’re fired !’, he appointed Luisa as the new Project Manager.

Jason tried feebly to take some glory from the whole ignominious fiasco, calling it ‘an extremely bold move of mine’, adding: ‘sometimes the best leadership is about stepping down. Sometimes the best leadership involves very, very hard decisions where you do lose face, for the benefit of the team.’ Then again, sometimes the best leadership actually involves some leadership. Now, Luisa is far from the dumb babe many men might assume she is by looking at her. But if she was as smart as she thinks she is, she would perhaps have left Jason to carry on, given that they had already failed half the task (designing the website). Jason (left) ponders over whether to make the decision to make Luisa (right) project manager She gamely pitched to a group of advertising execs and internet experts having mild hysterics, describing the website as ‘a work in progress’ (ie, non-existent) and an ad that looked like something for your local florists from Pearl & Dean in the 1970s.

Over at the other team, Evolve, tiny, be-spectacled, team leader Jordan came over all David Brent and said his game plan was ‘to make sure that from 50, 000 foot view there’s a really clear theme throughout the entire campaign.’ From less than 50, 000 Karren Brady could see that there was not. ‘Their website is incredibly corporate and sterile,’ she said. ‘It doesn’t say ‘come here to have a load of fun’ to me.’ One struggled to shake what her idea of fun would be from one’s mind. Don't call us: the Endeavour website, Friendship & Flowers, a horrifically dull combination of an undertakers and an advert for a florists shop from the 1970s Their campaign for their imaginary dating agency, ‘Cufflinks’ ran slightly more smoothly, although even their campaign was beset with tiffs and tantrums. Yet again, the others treated Alex as too young (or too weird) to be trusted as team leader, while Myles struggled to contain his disdain at the tawdry quality of the others’ ideas.

Jordan’s plan was to target the young modern professional woman, bizarrely insisting to Alex: ‘I’m a woman who works really long hours in the City and I don’t want to have to go out to a bar and sit there and wait for men to come and talk to me. I want to go on to a website and choose the men I want to interact with because I am a strong, sexually liberated and high powered woman !’ Whatever you say Jordan! Maybe it goes with the name. On his own profile for Cufflinks, Jordan idiotically wanted to have his profession as 'international spy (MI6)' rather than his real job, the altogether more David Brent-like ‘business development manager.’ Alex meanwhile argued: ‘we need to think, some girls LOVE to have a man in a suit’ – not to mention a Welsh accent and weird, waxed eyebrows like a vampire version of George Osborne presumably ? Their idea for the agency's TV ad was a date that was a disaster – rather than the more obvious concept, one that went really well.

Changing hands: Luisa (right) gamely pitches a non-existent website to 'a bunch of experts' of the advertising and marketing worlds In the ad, Alex appeared dressed up as some sort of Goth pervert/stalker – with his hair slicked down, black make up smeared, leering and pulling suggestive faces at a young blonde. ‘Disturbing’ didn’t cover it. The fact that he looked more bizarre than usual was actually impressive. Myles sailed through the pitch, expertly telling the audience ‘we wanted it to be functional’ (a by-word for ridiculously elementary) and ‘easy to use’ (seemingly designed by a child). ‘The character we’ve created Herbert is very bold’, he said, ‘and memorable’ – ie, demented/ unforgettably awful. In the boardroom, Lord Sugar tried to suggest that the experts had thought the two campaigns equally flawed. But Endeavour had failed to complete half the task, made a TV ad so tame Lord Sugar said it ‘made Last of the Summer Wine look like an action movie’, and, for the first time in the show's history, replaced their project manager halfway through. Not bad for two days' work.

Alex (right) achieved the not inconsiderable feat of looking more bizarre than usual, playing 'Herbert', the date from hell. Doc Totton (left) flounces her lovely hair Advert: They made a humorous commercial to promote their new site, which didn't quite match up but they were still praised for being on the 'right lines' ‘I’m intrigued,’ mused Lord Sugar about the mutiny, which seemed surprisingly understated of him. ‘I decided it would be better that Luisa take over,’ Jason claimed. ‘That wasn’t how it happened !’ thundered Francesca – a fairly formidable sight. ‘You buckled under pressure on the first day, gave up, were not up for the job.' But apart from that, he did OK ? Certainly this was the way it looked from the edited version that viewers saw. Nick Hewer, as he so often does, saw it differently, taking his time before lethally twisting the knife. ‘I’ll tell you what happened. Cos I was there,' he pondered. 'Luisa nipped at his heels like a little terrier, nipping at the heels of a bewildered sheep and you drove him into a corner.

It was the most disgraceful display of bad manners I’ve seen in many a long day.’ It wasn’t the best reference Luisa had ever had. Don't have nightmares: Alex as 'Herbert', the date from hell, something he seemed to know an awful lot about After the inevitable decision in Evolve’s favour, Jason placed the blame for the failure of the task with Francesca which even Luisa, who can’t stand her, objected to. ‘It’s a very unusual set of circumstances here,’ said Lord Sugar. ‘I’ve got one & half project managers and even then you can’t agree who to bring back in !’ He uttered the immortal - very useful - instruction: 'you shut up ! And you shut up ! And you talk !' Try it with your kids. Jason didn’t exactly help his cause. Asked if he was brow-beaten by Luisa, he admitted the coup d'etat was his fault and said: ‘Luisa was trying to be as helpful as she could be, pushing me – not in a particularly constructive way.’ He claimed once again that he had done the noble thing by stepping down, lambasting the way other candidates had been glory-hunting.

'Many people are seeking the limelight, trying to impress you,’ he shuddered, which was not surprising when there was £250,000 stake and suggested he hadn’t quite grasped the point of the show. ‘Courage comes in many forms. Stepping down for the unity of the team is courageous. I felt that the team needed to be re-balanced.’ 'You shut up ! And you shut up ! And you talk !' Lord Sugar told them - a handy instruction to try on your kids It didn’t work of course. The future for Luisa isn’t that bright, judging by the way Lord Sugar told her: ‘I can see how you wore him down. We’re going to have more problems with you. That’s what worries me.’ ‘Jason got beaten up by Luisa,’ he told Karren Brady and Nick Hewer. ‘You're a very, very nice fellow,’ he told Jason, rather touchingly, ‘it is with regret, you’re fired.’ Jason took it well, clearly looking forward to returning to his books and his work in the altogether softer world of academia. 'I am a thinker. I just don't have that killer instinct,' he sighed.

He departed in the traditional manner, in a cab with a scarf on, presumably taking his large teddy bear with him in his case. Greetings card design based on the classic episode of 'The Six Million Dollar Man' ... Couldn't pass up the chance to create a seasonal card design for this show. This particular episode featured most probably the most blatant piece of product placement in entertainment history - ever! There's a scene in the episode where the character of Steve is seen buying toys in a toy shop and on the shelf behind the counter is the Kenner/Denys Fisher action figure! - the viewer needs a huge suspension of disbelief but never the less was seen as a great 'nod' to the show's fans and promotion for the fact that it was the top selling toy of the time. Men of a certain generation will remember having this beloved toy/action figure with its actual functioning 'Bionic' arm and eye and being able to reveal the bionic circuitry within his arm. The figure was supplied with an 'Impossibly' heavy engine block for Steve to lift once you had turned the head to the right and pressed the prominent red button on his back. Happy days of a true action figure and self-made sound effects!

I had created my original design to feature Steve and the Ray Walston character 'Horton Budge' but felt the finished composite 'Too cluttered' The inclusion of the Kenner doll in Santa's sack was at the inspired suggestion of Paul.K Bisson as a nod to the fans and the much-remembered appearance of it in the show. · November 23, 2016 · The omen 40th anniversary Art celebration! I make my return to professional life having seemed to have been in the very middle of my own 'Omen' movie the last few months!.never the less I'm back and on the way up! So back to business! - I love 'The Omen' ever since I first saw it as a kid - It scared me to death!,I remember vividly watching it with my family one late August bank holiday night and feeling a great need to sleep with the lights on after said film had finished! ... A superbly 'scary' film full of great stand-out set pieces and equally great performances - I saw it again recently with my young son who in his own 'modern' way was suitably impressed! - the test of a timeless film.

I'd planned this celebratory work time ago but as mentioned previously events transpired against me or circumstances beyond my control prevented me from earlier completion. Anyone who loves Leo McKern's portrayal of Bugenhagen - Really sorry, just was not enough room to get him in!,totally pleased I was able to get the great Mr.Warner and Troughton in,though. The final art is both presented as a completed poster and original graphic free image. The finished work is available to own in many guises courtesy of Redbubble.com If you like the film? - Enjoy! "It's all done with smoke and mirrors,Kids!" Digital portrait painting of Lee Majors - Photoshop CS6 My training as such was as a Graphic Designer in the pre-digital age,your maths will tell you that I did my secondary education during the late 80's. ... As I prepared to leave said college,a little known company called Adobe was preparing to release a digital image manipulation package called Photoshop. The package today in a far advanced form is the most incredible tool capable of all things creative,limited only by it's user.

There is nothing that can't be achieved with Photoshop, seemingly a million and one creative tools at your fingertips - far more than your local art shop! I'm not ditching my traditional tools and technique just yet!,but the more tools I have to get the job done,the better! · April 28, 2016 · Infamy,Infamy!,They've all got it in for me! or yet another book on the'Carry On' films! I gets a call from author Steve Gerrard who asks me would I like to do the cover for his new book - a serious analysis of the Carry On films,"of course I do" I reply. The thing is though,how to create something that is new and has not been seen before! - because lets face it every carry on book cover that has gone before is usually stock images that have been cut and pasted together. ...

I put my best 'Worzel Gummidge' style thinking head on and came up with the idea of trying to depict probably 'THE' single most famous scene from any carry on film - you know the one where Barbara Windsor looses her bikini top in Carry On Camping (matron,take them away!) There are many photo shots of the scene from the side but none from the viewers point of view - my aim was to have her bikini top flying off towards the viewer,3D style! - in fact for the viewer to be Kenneth Williams. My other brief was that it should be coloured in similar to way to the British 'saucy' seaside postcard - I hope I achieved my aims. It was a great fun piece to do as well as trying to recreate that famous scene from a view that has never been seen before. So when you look at this work,I all want you to say in your best Kenneth Williams voice,"Matron,take them away!" PS.Damned hard work painting Barbara Windsor with no clothes on,you know! and staying with the 'Bionic' theme.......

When the 'Non Bionic Artist' met 'The Bionic Woman or 'Have you met the Wife!' Firstly,Apologies to my real life wife 'Deb' - You know I love you! ... Well,here's me meeting the gorgeous,glorious,gracious Lindsay Wagner aka - The Bionic Woman! Being the small boy I was at the time I was much,much too cool to like a bionic girl?,no one could ever match the bionic man! - no such thoughts go through my mind as an older boy though. I met Lindsay recently at the Birmingham ComiCon - All I can say is what a wonderful lady she was,an absolute natural and with a smile that would send any man weak at the knees!

I couldn't pass up the opportunity to say 'Thank you' to Lindsay and presented to her a framed original work of her from the Sylvester Stallone film 'Nighthawks' She seemed genuinely thrilled with the piece and commented that they had dressed her very well in the film and that she had found it difficult to obtain any nice photos of herself from the film - I hope I've redressed the balance(every pun intended) Again,thanks go to British Bionic Legend John Patterson for sounding me out regarding the event - another great day! Art print/Poster available exclusively from Reddbubble.com ! Finally,Finally got around to painting the glorious Richard Anderson aka 'Oscar Goldman' - The Bionic Boss! ... The finished design went through a number of changes all which are illustrated on this posting. My original idea as shown was to include bionic surgeon Rudy Wells and company secretary 'Callahan' ultimately,I chose to go with a less 'cluttered,messy' design - I did concede that Steve and Jaime would need to go as they are Oscar's top field agents. Rudy and Callahan will have to wait their turn!

I hope I've done the work justice and hope the design compliments the other 'Bionic' print designs in the series. Bionic fans are a wonderfully set of supportive people of which i am hugely indebted - much thanks go Paul.K Bisson,Rod DeLuca Jr. and John Patterson respectively for guidance and support. This latest print/poster can be purchased from WWW.REDBUBBLE.COM - Just click on this link and search for 'Bionic Boss' Happy Shopping! BOND!,James Bond! - no I'm sorry it's Simon Templar or perhaps it's Roger Moore! Private commission for 'The Saint' episode - The House On Dragon's Rock. Always feel undue pressure when completing private commissions - I don't know why because a painting is a painting after all!,and truth be told I have done a few paintings in my time. ... Having viewed the episode I kind of felt to portray the elements within the the story in the most convincing way I would have to illustrate a considerably better ant than what appeared in the show! If you are familiar with the show and episode you'll know what I'm talking about,it's not the greatest ant let alone effect.

Private works are invariably framed and hung and are probably more greatly scrutinized than any commercial work you do,hence the pressure to get it right! I produced a couple of designs for this,the finished colour one and a previous black and white concept which I started to colour up but abandoned half way through purely down to the fact, "I didn't like it!" 2016!,has arrived with many a new project 'on the boil',as ever thanks to all for your support - truly grateful. "I might fall from a tall building or roll a brand new car,cos I'm the unknown stuntman.............." Go on you know you want to sing along! The theme song from the 80's show 'The Fall Guy" ... You've seen me pictured with Lee(Mr.Majors aka 'The Fall Guy') with the original art and now, here it is. I'd been fortunate enough to have had my illustration work featured on an excellent site dedicated to everything '80's' and this got me thinking that given the opportunity I would create something based on this much remembered show - if you are of an age, that is. I knew Lee was travelling to the U.K.

for a personal appearance so I set about creating the piece you see hear today. The piece itself will be published courtesy of merchandising company Redbubble.com - more on that later. I was fortunate enough to be able to present Lee with the original painting at the event courtesy of Faith (Lee's wonderful wife),it was as much as I could do to say thank you to a much loved child hood hero of mine. I cannot tell how gracious Lee's wife was,I hope this original work will hang proudly as they say in the 'Majors' house. Lee is a much loved hero - hugely evident on the faces of all that got to meet him at the Birmingham Comic Con,must have been a magical day for so many. Most of the men of my generation that are familiar with 'The Fall Guy' will always remember 'the truck and the girl' - I just had to put Heather Thomas on there,wouldn't be right without her! He's the man!,'The Six Million Dollar Man' not to say 'The Fall Guy',as well! When the artist met the artist!,or Jim didn't fix it for me but I did!

Great big day for me today in that I met my childhood hero 'The Six Million Dollar Man' aka Lee Majors. ... I have always been a great fan of Mr.Majors and it was with huge honor that I met the man today courtesy of the Birmingham Comic Con. God, was I nervous of meeting him, but Lee and his amazing wife Faith put me very much at ease - huge thanks to them both. Here I am pictured with Lee holding the original painting to a forth coming 'Fall Guy' project (more news on that soon!,keep watching these pages) - If I'm looking a bit emotional it's because I probably am!,not every day you get to meet childhood hero's. I wrote as a child to a certain well known B.B.C. t.v. show that involved making viewers dreams come true - my request being to meet Lee Majors - The Six Million Dollar Man!,the 'fix' as they were called was never fixed - happy too say that I fixed it for myself some many years later! I'd like to hugely thank both John and Janet of the U.K. Lee Majors/cyborg site for their company and support today - heroes both of them.

Thank you Lee,Thank you Faith and Thank you all for a truly memorable day - another thing ticked off the bucket list! P.S. I did joke with Faith and asked whether Lee would like to adopt me!

Question: Which English comic actor do you associate with the line "Infamy, Infamy, They've all got it in for me"?
Answer: Kenneth Williams