Cricinfo Widgets Commentating Bloopers and Miscellaneous Cricket Quotes Did they really say that? ------------------------- Yorkshire 232 all out, Hutton ill - I'm sorry, Hutton 111. - John Snagge, BBC News Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the pavilion end. - Brian Johnston, BBC Radio Welcome to Worcester where you've just missed seeing Barry Richards hitting one of Basil D'Oliveira's balls clean out of the ground. - Brian Johnston, BBC Radio He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time. - Richie Benaud, Channel 9 If you go in with two fast bowlers and one breaks down, you're left two short. - Bob Massie, ABC Radio This game will be over any time from now. - Alan McGilvray, ABC Radio It is important for Pakistan to take wickets if they are going to make big inroads into this Australian batting line-up. - Max Walker, Channel 9 Glenn McGrath joins Craig McDermott and Paul Reiffel in a three-ponged prace attack.

- Tim Gavel, ABC News In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one. - Tony Greig, Channel 9 It's been very slow and dull day, but it hasn't been boring. It's been a good, entertaining day's cricket. - Tony Benneworth, ABC Radio It was close for Zaheer, Lawson threw his hands in the air and Marsh threw his head in the air. - Jack Potter, 3UZ Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle. - Richie Benaud, Channel 9 Chappell just stood on his feet and smashed it to the boundary. - Jim Maxwell, ABC Radio Daddy, I want to go uckies. - Hamish Maxwell, 2, to his father Jim, ABC Radio On the first day, Logie decided to chance his arm and it came off. - Trevor Bailey, Radio 3 He didn't quite manage to get his leg over. - Jonathan Agnew, after Botham had spun around off balance and tried to step over the wicket unsuccessfully, BBC Q: Do you feel that the selectors and yourself have been vindicated by the result?

A: I don't think the press are vindictive. They can write what they want. - Mike Gatting, ITV I think we are all slightly down in the dumps after another loss. We may be in the wrong sign...Venus may be in the wrong juxtaposition with somewhere else. - Ted Dexter, explaining away England's seventh successive Test loss, to Australia at Lord's, 1993 There was a slight interruption there for athletics. - Richie Benaud, referring to a streaker at Lord's, BBC TV The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey. - Brian Johnston, BBC I was on 99...I got really scared. I pooped my pants, missed the next ball and was bowled. - Brad Hodges, Victorian batsman, on his dismissal in a Melbourne under-12 cricket final. Say, when do they begin? - Grouch Marx, watching a cricket match at Lord's It's funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan, it's when you realise that your wife left you in May. - Denis Norden, British television writer and compere Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

- Robin Williams, American actor Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as a captain turns cricket match into gang warfare. - Mike Brearley, 1980 Cricket is like sex films. They relieve frustration and tension. - Linda Lovelace, star of Deep Throat Is there any sex in it? - Peter Sellers, as a psychiatrist upon first learning about cricket in What's New Pussycat, 1965 Cricket needs brightening up a bit. My solution is to let the players drink at the beginning of the game, not after. It always works in our picnic matches. - Paul Hogan, Australian actor Gower is a goot captain, and is goot knowledge and literatured in the wars. - William Shakespeare, in Henry V There is a widely held and quite erroneous belief that cricket is just another game. - HRH the Duke of Edinburgh Contributed by aslam (asiddiqui@xray.indyrad.iupui.edu) -- More bloopers -- Lloyd's talking to his SLIPers. - Channel 9 commentator. Marshall's bowling with his head. - ABC commentator. The sight of Bright holds no fright for Wright.

- Jim Maxwell and the riposte That's right! - Norm O'Neil(?) And Jajeda is dijappointed...Jadeja is ji..da..I'll come again, Jajeda..okay Jadeja looks downcast. - Tony Grieg on Channel 9. I don't know what these fellows are doing, but whatever they are doing, they sure are doing it well. - Pete Sampras on watching Lara and Ambrose at Lord's. Q: Darryl, who are your favourite actors? Cullinan: Dustin Hoffman and some Aussie bowlers in the act of appealing. Q: What's your favourite animal? Steve Waugh: Merv Hughes. Contributed by Krishna Kumar (kumar@cs.concordia.ca) The Bowler's Holding the Batsman's Willey - Off Topic - VillaTalk The Bowler's Holding the Batsman's Willey Are you aware of what I'm referring to? 73 members have voted 1. Are you aware of what I'm referring to? Yes Please sign in or register to vote in this poll.

32 posts in this topic Location: Leeds (with a bit of Birmingham) Posted August 4, 2008 Do you know what I'm talking about when I say the title of this thread? I've had a couple of conversations recently where this has been brought up and the majority of people in the conversation don't have a clue what's being talked about. I thought it was really famous. So the poll question is do you know what I'm talking about with that thread title. Apparently there's no audio recording of it, which is a shame, and puts into doubt whether it was ever said. But I really hope it was. Share this post Location: Right here, right now Posted What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Share this post Location: Outside the Euro Zone Posted August 4, 2008 It's 100% genuine I've certainly heard it played on radio shows over the years and I've also read Johnston's biography which of course mentions the story along with the "getting his leg " over line It's one of those moments like Dancing Matt that brings a genuine smile to your face and makes you forget your troubles Share this post Posted August 4, 2008 There's Neil Harvey standing at leg slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle. Share this post no, but i guess it's a cricket quote and im not a cricket fan. Share this post Location: With the lovely Karen K Posted From the dulcet tones of Johnners if I remember correctly Share this post Posted August 4, 2008 BBC commentator Alan Gibson, who ended up getting the sack for being permanently pissed, had this to say about the New Zealand fast-medium bowler Bob Cunis: "This is Cunis at the Vauxhall End.

Cunis, a funny sort of name: neither one thing nor the other." Share this post Location: With the lovely Karen K Posted August 4, 2008 BBC commentator Alan Gibson, who ended up getting the sack for being permanently pissed, had this to say about the New Zealand fast-medium bowler Bob Cunis: "This is Cunis at the Vauxhall End. Cunis, a funny sort of name: neither one thing nor the other." :-) Location: Leeds (with a bit of Birmingham) Posted August 4, 2008 It's 100% genuine I've certainly heard it played on radio shows over the years and I've also read Johnston's biography which of course mentions the story along with the "getting his leg " over line It's one of those moments like Dancing Matt that brings a genuine smile to your face and makes you forget your troubles See you say that Tony, I thought I'd heard it too. But the BBC website says: There is some question as to whether one of cricket's classic howlers was ever spoken on air, and who said it.

Cricket commentators Don Mosey and Brian Johnston were in the commentating box for the BBC World Service in a test match between West Indies and England at the Oval. Batsman Peter Willey was at the stumps, bowler Michael Holding was at the crease, but did either Mosey or Johnston really say on air: We welcome World Service listeners to the Oval, where the bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey. Let's look at the evidence; neither of them has openly taken the credit for saying it, no recording of the comment has ever been heard, only talked about. There was also one Ashes test match where the dismissal was: Lillee, caught Willey, bowled Dilley. Also, not clever per se, but one of the best commentary slips I have heard on the cricket was a simple Freudian slip by Ian Chappell. A batsman had just snicked the ball off the inside of the bat and missed the stumps by a millimetre and Chappell says: "Ooh, that was a lucky French Cu*t" (insert "n" here). Share this post You bet I do Paddy, THE funniest piece of sports commentary ever bar none.

Share this post Posted August 4, 2008 It's 100% genuine I've certainly heard it played on radio shows over the years and I've also read Johnston's biography which of course mentions the story along with the "getting his leg " over line It's one of those moments like Dancing Matt that brings a genuine smile to your face and makes you forget your troubles Yep its definitely mentioned in the Autobiog For me Cricket died a little when Johnners left the commentary box for the last time Share this post Location: The front of beyond Posted August 4, 2008 Funnily enough I was talking about this last week. Here at Bradford University the Chancellor is Imran Khan, and he was in town to present degrees at the graduation ceremony. One of the honorary graduands was "Look North" (and Yorkshire sports) presenter Harry Gration, and his acceptance speech was basically a series of jokes and sports anecdotes (including a rather good one about Archie McPherson that I'll save for another occasion).

Imran had to follow this, and he's clearly not the most witty speaker in the world - so he rather desperately rolled out the old "Holding/Willey" story - to be met by an embarrassed silence. The older members of the "audience" had heard the story SO many times it was no longer funny... and the younger ones clearly didn't understand it at all, and (I suspect) took it semi-literarally, with some shock! Share this post Posted August 4, 2008 A true classic, but I dont think it's as good as 'Oh isn't that nice... the wife of the Cambridge captain is kissing the cox of the Oxford team.' Share this post August 4, 2008 the true great Johners I never thought I'd see that kind of praise from you about an old Etonian 'posh' 'un, Ian. :winkold: Share this post Posted August 4, 2008 One of my favourite cricket anecdotes (maybe apocryphal) is regarding a young fast bowler for Hampshire (shall remain unnamed as I have never heard his name mentioned).

The young fast bowler was making his debut for his county and on a rather quick track was bowling with real fire and venom. After taking his first wicket, he thought that he'd rough up the next man in. He duly bowled a very quick bumper next ball and after the ball had whistled past the batsman's nose (the batsman had swayed out of the way of the ball), he approached the batsman and said: "It's small, round and red." He turned on his heels and marched smartly back to start of his run up and stormed in again. The ball was short and quick. The batsman rocked back, swivelled on his back foot and middled the ball out of the ground. He looked up at the amazed bowler and said, "You know what it looks like. Go, fetch it!" An hour or so later after the batsman had made a quick 80 and seriously dented the figures of the young bowler, he approached his captain as the dismissed batsman was leaving the pitch. "Who's that?" said the bowler. "Viv Richards," replied the skipper. "Who?" The batsman's Holding the bowler's Willey?

> Betfair Community > Cricket Pause Play • Switch to Standard View The batsman's Holding the bowler's... Show More Report Hayden • February 28, 2011 12:27 PM GMT According to an urban myth, it was during a Test match between the West Indies and England when Michael Holding was about to bowl to Willey, that the radio commentator Brian Johnston said: "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey". While Wisden states that there is no record of Johnston or anyone else actually saying this,[2] Johnston's co-commentator Henry Blofeld recalls the incident as having taken place at The Oval in 1976.[3] In 1979, Willey caught Dennis Lillee off the bowling of Graham Dilley, resulting in a scorecard entry of: "Lillee c Willey b Dilley".[4] According to an urban myth, it was during a Test match between the West Indies and England when Michael Holding was about to bowl to Willey, that the radio commentator Brian Johnston said: "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey".

While Wisden st Commentary bloopers Commentary bloopers Author Topic: Commentary bloopers (Read 7200 times) 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « on: December 13, 2006, 10:10:00 PM » I am starting this with two gems from the legendary Brian Johnston: 1. "The bowler's Holding.. the batsman's Willey" 2. (After a bowling spell from the English captain) "Illingworth is relieving himself at square leg" Please pitch in with your memories. « Last Edit: December 13, 2006, 11:03:41 PM by CLR James » Logged I am starting this with two gems from the legendary Ian Johnston: 1. "The bowler's Holding.. the batsman's Willey" Brilliant Re: Commentary bloopers « Reply #2 on: December 13, 2006, 10:37:03 PM » ... And no one -- repeat, no one -- is immune. Not even the great Benaud himself.

Check out these lines, from the master himself: "His throw went absolutely nowhere near where it was going" "Even Downtown couldn't get down high enough for that" "That slow motion doesn't show how fast the ball was travelling." "There were no scores below single figures" If Benaud could nod, then what of lesser mortals? In course of my time as a confirmed couch potato, I got the following gems: "Fast bowlers are quick. Just watch this -- admittedly it is in slow motion" -- this, from Ian Chappell. "It is now possible they can get the impossible score they first thought possible", from Christopher Martin-Jenkins. "It would be unprintable on television" -- this, from the much-loved Geoffrey Boycott, who also came up, on one memorable occasion, with "If England lose now, they will be leaving the field with their heads between their legs!" What seems the hardest task of them all, judging by the howlers, is description. How do you describe a well hit six, for instance? The great Freddie Trueman gave it his best shot, thus: "That was a tremendous six.

The ball was still in the air as it went over the boundary." Or take Trevor Bailey, who once bravely stepped into the vacuum with these words: "Then there was that dark horse with the golden arm, Mudassar Nazar." And Graham Dawson, who once did this startling pen portrait of an Aussie player: "David Boon is now completely clean-shaven, except for his moustache." Or Raymond Illingworth, who once explained, with enviable clarity, an imminent change in the weather thus: "The black cloud is coming from the direction the wind is blowing. Now the wind is coming from where the black cloud is!" Then there was England coach David Lloyd, who perfectly captured Chris Harris in the memorable line: "He is a very dangerous bowler.

Innocuous, if you like." And the voice of West Indies cricket, Tony Cozier, who produced this gem: "The Queen's Park Oval -- as its name suggests, absolutely round!" Or our very own Ravi Shastri, who rewrote Gray's Anatomy with this classic: "His feet were a long way away from his body!" In fact, describing a scene, in all its glory, is so difficult that on one occasion, former Aussie quick bowler Max Walker, doing a stint on radio, was moved to burst out: "One day there will be radio with pictures!" His colleagues, like Ian Chappell, would have tumbled out of their chairs, in the television commentary box, laughing at that one. The trouble with words is, you know what you mean. But when you spit it out... ah, that is another story.

Ask Brian Johnston, the master of the on-air boo-boo, the man who had an entire nation in splits when he famously said, once: "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey!" It was Johnston -- who mixed erudition, eloquence and hilarity all in one unforgettable mixture -- who once started a commentary, after a break, with the line: "You rejoin us at a very appropriate time -- Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the pavilion end!" But the undisputed king of rib-tickling comedy -- unintentional, for the most part -- was Henry 'Blowers' Blofeld. Sample a few gems from the man who spends more time admiring ear-rings than describing the cricket: "The lights are shining quite darkly" and again, "It is a catch he would have held 99 times out of one thousand." But perhaps the gem to end all gems was the one Blowers produced in Calcutta. It was Martyr's Day, Eden Gardens was packed, Blowers was seeing that kind of crowd for the first time, and it moved him to unparalleled eloquence. "It is a full house at the Eden Gardens," warbled Blofeld.

"Today, Calcutta is celebrating the assassination of Mahatma *hi!" Logged When intelligence matures and lodges securely in the mind it becomes wisdom. When wisdom is integrated with life and becomes action it becomes Bhakti. Knowledge when it becomes fully mature is Bhakti. To believe that Jnana and Bhakti, knowledge & devotion, are different from each other is ignorance. « Reply #3 on: December 13, 2006, 10:39:47 PM » dean jones' terrorist comment manjrekar's "fake orgasm" comment Logged In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth. -- Mohandas K *hi Was a blooper alright but wasnt funny Logged When intelligence matures and lodges securely in the mind it becomes wisdom. When wisdom is integrated with life and becomes action it becomes Bhakti. Knowledge when it becomes fully mature is Bhakti. To believe that Jnana and Bhakti, knowledge & devotion, are different from each other is ignorance.

« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2006, 10:43:29 PM » Srinath commenting in an IND-ENG ODI in IND: "And the pitch has started misbehaving...." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Rameez Raja in the IOC Cup in SL, commenting in a IND-WI game: "I know one thing for sure. West Indian bowlers like it *young and hard*" He was refering to the ball ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Srinath again in the same series: (not sure which game) Beginning of 2nd inning of a D/n game: "Bowlers should not have a say in replacing the ball. It should be upto the batsmen" Later in that inning: "Bowlers should have the freedom of replacing the ball if they are not able to hold it" Logged Collection of some hilarious commentary bloopers Logged Collection of some hilarious commentary bloopers Really hillarious.... "Do you like older men?" "It's ood they have 2 balls....... 2 cricket balls that is" "Some are easy days.... Oh, I would like 2 of those" hillarious...

« Reply #8 on: December 14, 2006, 01:00:47 AM » Applause Toney! Great collection. « Reply #9 on: December 14, 2006, 04:03:42 AM » another one of brian johnstons There's Neil Harvey standing at leg slip with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle Logged « Reply #10 on: December 14, 2006, 04:13:08 AM » heres another good collection Commentating Bloopers and Miscellaneous Cricket Quotes Did they really say that? Yorkshire 232 all out, Hutton ill - I'm sorry, Hutton 111. - John Snagge, BBC News Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the pavilion end. - Brian Johnston, BBC Radio Welcome to Worcester where you've just missed seeing Barry Richards hitting one of Basil D'Oliveira's balls clean out of the ground. He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time.

- Richie Benaud, Channel 9 If you go in with two fast bowlers and one breaks down, you're left two short. This game will be over any time from now. - Alan McGilvray, ABC Radio It is important for Pakistan to take wickets if they are going to make big inroads into this Australian batting line-up. - Max Walker, Channel 9 Glenn McGrath joins Craig McDermott and Paul Reiffel in a three-ponged prace attack. In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one. - Tony Greig, Channel 9 It's been very slow and dull day, but it hasn't been boring. It's been a good, entertaining day's cricket. - Tony Benneworth, ABC Radio It was close for Zaheer, Lawson threw his hands in the air and Marsh threw his head in the air. - Jack Potter, 3UZ Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle. - Richie Benaud, Channel 9 Chappell just stood on his feet and smashed it to the boundary. - Jim Maxwell, ABC Radio Daddy, I want to go uckies.

- Hamish Maxwell, 2, to his father Jim, ABC Radio On the first day, Logie decided to chance his arm and it came off. He didn't quite manage to get his leg over. - Jonathan Agnew, after Botham had spun around off balance and tried to step over the wicket unsuccessfully, BBC Q: Do you feel that the selectors and yourself have been vindicated by the result? A: I don't think the press are vindictive. They can write what they want. I think we are all slightly down in the dumps after another loss. We may be in the wrong sign...Venus may be in the wrong juxtaposition with somewhere else. - Ted Dexter, explaining away England's seventh successive Test loss, to Australia at Lord's, 1993 There was a slight interruption there for athletics. - Richie Benaud, referring to a streaker at Lord's, BBC TV The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey. - Brian Johnston, BBC I was on 99...I got really scared. I pooped my pants, missed the next ball and was bowled.

- Brad Hodges, Victorian batsman, on his dismissal in a Melbourne under-12 cricket final. Say, when do they begin? - Grouch Marx, watching a cricket match at Lord's It's funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan, it's when you realise that your wife left you in May. - Denis Norden, British television writer and compere Cricket is basically baseball on valium. - Robin Williams, American actor Playing against a team with Ian Chappell as a captain turns cricket match into gang warfare. - Mike Brearley, 1980 Cricket is like sex films. They relieve frustration and tension. - Linda Lovelace, star of Deep Throat Is there any sex in it? - Peter Sellers, as a psychiatrist upon first learning about cricket in What's New Pussycat, 1965 Cricket needs brightening up a bit. My solution is to let the players drink at the beginning of the game, not after. It always works in our picnic matches. - Paul Hogan, Australian actor Gower is a goot captain, and is goot knowledge and literatured in the wars.

- William Shakespeare, in Henry V There is a widely held and quite erroneous belief that cricket is just another game. - HRH the Duke of Edinburgh Lloyd's talking to his SLIPers. - Channel 9 commentator. Marshall's bowling with his head. - ABC commentator. The sight of Bright holds no fright for Wright. - Jim Maxwell And Jajeda is dijappointed...Jadeja is ji..da..I'll come again, Jajeda..okay Jadeja looks downcast. - Tony Grieg on Channel 9. I don't know what these fellows are doing, but whatever they are doing, they sure are doing it well. - Pete Sampras on watching Lara and Ambrose at Lord's. Q: Darryl, who are your favourite actors? Cullinan: Dustin Hoffman and some Aussie bowlers in the act of appealing. Q: What's your favourite animal? Steve Waugh: Merv Hughes.

« Last Edit: December 14, 2006, 04:18:36 AM by inoc » Logged « Reply #11 on: December 14, 2006, 04:23:34 AM » here's some more... Gaffes galore K. CHANDRAMOULI The MCC skipper George Mann was bowled by the South African Tufty Mann. An unplayable delivery it was, pitching on the leg stump and taking the off bail. John Arlott immortalised himself with "Mann's inhumanity to Mann". CRICKET'S chroniclers will tell you that the first ball-by-ball commentary, like Test cricket itself, had its origins in Australia. Not quite cricket, that. Research reveals that it was Sanjaya who gave a blow-by-blow account of the Mahabharata war to the blind king Dhridharashtra. This was long years before Len Watt described over steam radio the `Testimonial for Charles Bannerman' at Sydney in 1922. From Sanjaya to the present day purveyors in India, the fall in standard is steep.

One heard in the fifties, Vizzy going back in history on what happened in 1936 etc and suddenly waking up, and saying that in the meanwhile a couple of wickets had fallen, or the infliction in recent times of a `harsh' commentator who bhole eighteen to the dozen, ranting and running faster than even the ball! Verbal diarrhoea of sorts. Sometime back one of our commentators resurrected with regret, Abid Ali whose death he had announced with sorrow earlier on. And we have `desi' commentary in Hindi, educating the Hindi ispeaking natives in Queen's English. Third man is not theesra aadmi or short square leg chhotaa chowkhunda taang nor leggie isspin taang chakka; also no ball is not nahin gaind. Fine leg is also not khubsoorath paire... For the purist, the beginning of an over is `unki sesh aarambh ho gayi', and the end of the over `unki sesh sesh ho gayi' The maiden over is `unki kumari sesh ho gayi'.

The anti-Hindi southerner and the easterner will willy nilly learn Hindi and the anti-English Hindi `waallah' is forced to pick up `thoda kuuch angrezi'. Entertaining national integration, no? John Arlott made commentary listening a pleasure, like a fine bar of music. He could paint pictures with words. One could smell bat oil. Alston slipped into a spoonerism of sorts while handing over the mike saying "over to Old John Arlott at Trafford". Arlott had a turn of phrase and a poetic ring eg; "Away goes Lever chasing his shadow" as play was drawing to a close. Or this one, "A sandy haired Englishman bowls to a crimson turbanned Sikh, with an Indian Prince at the other end". It was Snow bowling to Bedi, with Pataudi at the bowler's end. The MCC skipper George Mann was bowled by the South African Tufty Mann. An unplayable delivery it was, pitching on the leg stump and taking the off bail. Arlott immortalised himself with "Mann's inhumanity to Mann".

When the streaker streaked at the Mecca of cricket, Arlott quipped, " the old ladies in the crowd are seeing what they haven't seen for years". His description of Asif Masood whose knees bent during the run up as "Groucho Marx chasing a pretty waitress"! On a visit to the Middle East, Freddie Truman learnt that his host had 198 wives. According to Arlott, Freddie is supposed to have quipped, " Golly, another two and he can claim the new ball!" Pakistan are on tour of Australia, the year, 1981. When Greg Chappell was bowled, Zaheer Abbas shouts "Faquih, you got him!" Chappell took umbrage mistaking it for a common Anglo-Saxon vulgarity. Only much later did it dawn on him that Zaheer was referring to his bowler Ejaaz Faquih. Brian Johnston was guilty of a similar gaffe when he said "play has ended at Southampton but they will play till seven o' clock at Edgbaston, so over to Rex Alston for some balls." Pakistan are on tour, the year, 1962.

Barry Knight was batting when Rex Alston said "There is a bowling change and we are going to see Afaq at the Nursery End". Could he have been misconstrued or did Alston deliver it on purpose? Jim Swanton, a character among commentators, invariably stayed with Governor Generals or dined with Prime Ministers or High Commissioners, prompting his colleagues into "Jim is such a snob that he won't travel in the same car as his chauffeur!" The election of the Pope was on in Rome. The conclave of cardinals met at the Vatican to elect a Pope. A vast crowd was waiting in St. Peter's Square to see the puff of white smoke signalling the election of the new Pope. That was also the time when a Test match was on at Lord's and Brian Johnston was commentating when he saw one of the chimneys of the Old Tavern belching smoke. When the cameras panned on the chimney, he announced in all seriousness "Ah, I see that Jim Swanton has just been elected Pope!" Colin Ingleby-Mackenzie narrates an apocryphal tale attributed to Jim Swanton. On the first honeymoon as Jim and his wife were getting into bed, Ann's foot touched Jim's.

"God, she said, your feet are cold!" "It's alright, darling, in bed you may call me Jim." Brian Johnston has several gaffes to his credit. One suspects that it is not unpremeditated. At Headingley, 1961, Harvey is fielding at leg slip. Brian commentates: "Harvey is waiting with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle." At Leicester, it is "as you come over, Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the pavilion end." In 1969, Alan Ward makes his debut against New Zealand at Lord's. Off his fifth ball he hits a terrible blow on Glenn Turner's box. Turner is put out. After a few minutes he staggers to the crease at which point BJ delivers himself, "it looks as if he is going to try to continue. Very plucky of him. One ball left!" Peter Pollock playing for the Rest of the World slips and twists his ankle. Brian Johnston is irrepressible. "He is in excruciating pain. It is especially bad, as he is here on his honeymoon with his pretty wife.

Still he'll probably be all right tomorrow, if he sticks it up tonight." Dennis Compton, in the commentary box, collapses at this. Michael Holding bowling to Peter Willey. BJ's double entendre is again at its devastating best. The bowler's Holding the batsman's Willey. There was the commentator who said of Bob Cunis, the New Zealand fast bowler, "Cunis, a funny sort of name. Neither one thing or the other." Charles Fortune, the South African commentator, was covering Len Hutton's tour of Australia. Typhoon Tyson spearheaded the MCC attack. Jim Burke alone stood as a rock against the Typhoon. Charles Fortune was commentating "It is Tyson to Burke... Suddenly, it is "Byson to Turk."! Ian Botham is as irrepressible in the commentary box as on the field. He told the listeners that he wouldn't send his mother-in-law to Pakistan. When Pakistan won the World Cup one of them couldn't resist retorting, `who wants your mother-in-law any way?' What about other sports? The special mark of distinction is not reserved to cricket alone. Wimbledon it is. Rain, the spoilsport. Slight delay.

Rex Alston, commentating in a ladies match, drops a brick: "Louise Brough cannot serve at the moment as she has not got any balls". A commentator ecstatic over Juantoreno, the winner of 800m in Montreal Olympics, describes him "every time the big Cuban opens his legs, he shows his world class". The champion motorbike rider, Barry Sheene, was described by a lady commentator as the glamorous sportsman with that throbbing power between his legs. Henry Longhurst was describing the difficulties of a particular green. A pretty lady golfer was bending over and measuring her putt. The camera panned with a close up from behind. Longhurst is reported to have said, "this is one of the tightest and yet most satisfying holes in the world of golf!" Logged "The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey" – electricinca.com Vlog "The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey" Just had a customer at the cinema who wished to buy tickets but had forgotten her membership card with which she could get a discount off the price.

So I asked her name so that I could search the members database to find her, she replied “wily, spelt W-i-l-l-e-y.” I thought interesting as that’s not how I’d pronounce that surname and it put me in mind of the apocryphal quote attributed to cricket commentator Brian Johnston in regards to the West Indian bowler Michael Holding . “The bowler’s Holding, the batsman’s Willey.” And through his Wikipedia entry I find the following YouTube video of what is regarded as the best bowled over of Test cricket ever. Share this: The moment a BBC cricket commentator couldn't stop laughing at the player who couldn't keep his rod down | Daily Mail Online The moment a BBC cricket commentator couldn't stop laughing at the player who couldn't keep his rod down By RYAN KISIEL Last updated at 09:54 17 May 2008 Christopher Martin-Jenkins: Giggles could be heard following his comment live on air Whenever radio commentators try to control their giggles, it seems they always fail the Test. Radio 4's cricket pundit Christopher Martin-Jenkins yesterday experienced "corpsing" - the uncontrollable laughter that strikes at the most inappropriate moments.

Describing a delivery from England's pace bowler Stuart Broad to New Zealand captain Daniel Vettori, Martin-Jenkins essayed an unfortunate analogy as the batsman "fished" outside the off-stump for the ball. "Broad's in, he bowls, this time Vettori lets it go outside the off-stump, good length, inviting him to fish," he said. "Vettori stays on the bank...and keeps his rod down, so to speak." Seconds later, listeners of Radio 4's Test Match Special on Thursday could hear the veteran - known to the cricketing world as CMJ - struggling to keep his composure over the unfortunate wording. His voice got steadily higher as he said: "I don't know if he is a fisherman, is he?" Eventually, he yielded to the inevitable, before contritely resuming the commentary when the giggles subsided. Martin-Jenkins, 63, can take some comfort from the fact he joins a distinguished club of broadcasters who have found themselves in a similar position. The late Brian Johnston made an art form of being present during unintentional double entendres.

Covering an England match against the West Indies in 1991, he watched Ian Botham unsuccessfully try to avoid falling backwards into his own stumps. Fellow commentator Jonathan Agnew noted "he couldn't quite get his leg over," reducing his colleague to helpless fits of giggles. Fifteen years earlier, it had been his turn to render the commentary box helpless with laughter during an England-West Indies match. As Michael Holding ran in to bowl to Peter Willey, "Johnners" noted: "The bowler is Holding, the batsman's Willey." Martin-Jenkins's Radio 4 colleague Charlotte Green will also be sympathetic to his plight. She described herself as being "ambushed by the giggles" while playing a scratchy recording of a woman singing Au Clair de la Lune made in 1860 earlier this year. She was also unable to keep a straight face in 1997 after reading out the name of a Papua New Guinea politician called Jack Tuat - where the "u" is pronounced as a "w".

Question: Which commentator said, "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"?
Answer: BRIAN JOHNSTON