Groucho Marx - Wikiquote Groucho Marx Jump to: navigation , search I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age. Julius Henry Marx ( 2 October 1890 – 19 August 1977 ), primarily known as Groucho Marx, was an American comedian and actor , famous for his work in the Marx Brothers comedy team, and his solo film and television career. Contents Quotes[ edit ] I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER I get credit all the time for things I never said. A likely story — and probably true. The Al Jolson Show repartee following a trite, scripted Al Jolson joke. (1949)[ specific citation needed ] Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age. From his autobiography Groucho and Me (1959) I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER".

Telegram to the Friar's Club of Beverly Hills to which he belonged, as recounted in Groucho and Me (1959), p. 321 [Variant:] "Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member". As quoted in The Groucho Letters (1967) by Arthur Sheekman. The sentiment predates Marx by 61 years, however; it likely originated with John Galsworthy in The Forsyte Saga. In Part I, Chapter II, "Old Jolyon Goes to the Opera" , it's said of Old Jolyon that, "He naturally despised the Club that did take him." after another refused him because he was in a trade. No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. From his book Groucho and Me.

It is a variation of a maxim by 17th-century French nobleman François de La Rochefoucauld : "In the adversity of our best friends, we often find something that is not displeasing." (Maxim 99 from Reflections; or Sentences and Moral Maxims, 1665 edition.) Here's to our wives and girlfriends... may they never meet![ citation needed ] (Variation on an old Royal Navy wardroom toast: "Wives and Sweethearts! May they never meet!"[ citation needed ]) From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it. To S J Perelman about his book Dawn Ginsbergh’s Revenge (1929), as quoted in LIFE (9 February 1962) I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. Misattributed[ edit ] I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Apparently said by Oscar Levant : "I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin" (as quoted in The Wit and Wisdom of Hollywood (1972) by Max Wilk). Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. No known citation to Marx. First appears unattributed in mid-1960s logic/computing texts as an example of the difficulty of machine parsing of ambiguous statements. Google Books . The Yale Book of Quotations dates the attribution to Marx to a 9 July 1982 net.jokes post on Usenet . Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. This may be original with Groucho, but the Quote Investigator mentions the earliest report found in a 1958 issue of Boy's Life magazine where it is attributed to Jim Brewer. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. Variant: Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

[1] Apparently attributed to Marx in Bennett Cerf 's Try and Stop Me , first published in 1944. A citation of this can been seen in the Kentucky New Era on November 9, 1964 . Also attributed to Marx by Rand Paul in "The Long Stand," ch. 1 of Taking a Stand: Moving Beyond Partisan Politics to Unite America (New York, N. Y.: Center Street, 26 May 2015), p. 5. The original quotation belongs to Sir Ernest Benn (Henry Powell Spring, What is Truth?, Orange Press, 1944, p. 31 ); a first known citation reportedly appears in the Springfield (MA) Republican on July 27, 1930. Quotes about Marx[ edit ] Some years back, after a childhood of preoccupation with comedy that led me to observing the styles of all the great comedians, I came to the conclusion that Groucho Marx was the best comedian this country ever produced. Now I am more convinced than ever that I was right. I can't think of a comedian who combined a totally original physical conception that was hilarious with a matchless verbal delivery.

I believe there is a natural inborn greatness in Groucho that defies close analysis as it does with any genuine artist. He is simply unique in the same way that Picasso or Stravinsky are, and I believe his outrageous unsentimental disregard for order will be equally as funny a thousand years from now. In addition to all this, he makes me laugh. Woody Allen on the liner notes of An Evening With Groucho (1972) Groucho appeals on so many levels at once that you could go nuts trying to figure out whether it's the funny movement, the incomparable tone of voice, what he is saying, or that keenly witty face that hits you the hardest. I swear that if he never existed, we would sense a lack in the world of comedy, like that planet in the solar system that astronomers say Ought to be there. For me he is The Master. Dick Cavett on the liner notes of An Evening With Groucho (1972) Groucho Marx is the only actor I ever allowed to ad-lib in a show I wrote. That was because I couldn't stop him. George S.

Kaufman on the liner notes of An Evening With Groucho (1972) George Kaufman and I wrote a lot of funny lines for Groucho, some of which he occasionally used... but it was Groucho who by his innate sense of timing and his inimitable delivery, added the ingredient that brought the house down. Morrie Ryskind on the liner notes of An Evening With Groucho (1972) I Don’t Want to Belong to Any Club That Will Accept Me as a Member | Quote Investigator I Don’t Want to Belong to Any Club That Will Accept Me as a Member Friars Club? Delaney Club? Beverly Hills Tennis Club? Hillcrest Country Club? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a wonderful story about Groucho Marx and an elite private club. I have heard so many variants of this tale that I was hoping you would investigate. In one version Groucho resigns from a club, and in another version he refuses to join a club. He sends a telegram or a letter saying something like the following: I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. The club is called: The Friars Club of Beverly Hills, The Delaney Club, The Lambs Club, The Beverly Hills Tennis Club, or The Hillcrest Country Club. What do you think? Quote Investigator: Evidence shows that Groucho Marx crafted a magnificently humorous line that has become a comedy classic. However, the same evidence does not reveal the exact wording of his comical gem or the precise circumstances of its employment. Yet, there is some agreement; for example, sources concur that Groucho was resigning from a club, and he was not refusing to join one. On October 20, 1949 the Hollywood columnist Erskine Johnson published the tale.

This is the earliest instance located by QI [EJGR]: Groucho Marx’s letter of resignation to the Friars’ Club: “I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.” On October 13, 1951 the only son of Groucho, Arthur Marx, published a version of the anecdote in Collier’s Magazine. This is the earliest variant by a close family member with intimate knowledge of Groucho. Over the years Arthur Marx recounted different narratives of this episode, and some will be presented further below. In 1951 he said that Groucho joined the Friars Club at the insistence of friends, but he did not participate. So Groucho sent in a letter of resignation [AMG1]: In the next mail, he received a letter from the club’s president, wanting to know why he had resigned.

My father promptly wrote back, “Because I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member!” In 1959 Groucho himself told about resigning a club in his memoir “Groucho and Me”, but he presented a fictionalized version of the story in which the club was referred to as the Delaney Club [GMGR]: The following morning I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. In 1988 Groucho’s son wrote another description of the resignation in his book “My Life with Groucho: A Son’s Eye View”. In this version Groucho resigned from the Hillcrest Country Club and not the Friars Club or the Delaney Club [AMG3]. Dear Board, I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. Sincerely yours, Groucho Marx. These four variants of the tale are the most salient in QI’s opinion, but several more are available. No one seems to know the exact wording of the resignation message which is endlessly mutable. Here are selected citations in chronological order.

As noted above the earliest cite located by QI is dated October 20, 1949 in Erskine Johnson’s gossip column. The next cite is dated October 27, 1949 in the newspaper column of Jimmie Fidler. The phrasing is slightly different [JFGR]: Groucho Marx, irrepressible wit. In resigning from the Friars club Mr. Marx, incapable of passing up an opportunity for a gag-line, wrote: “I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.” On November 2, 1949 the columnist John Crosby told the tale. He said the resignation was from the Friars club and the wording of the message was the same as that given in Erskine Johnson’s column [JCGR].

In January of 1950 the high-circulation Reader’s Digest mentioned the anecdote and cited Crosby [RDGR]: Groucho Marx recently, I’m told, resigned from the Friars Club with the simple, chilly explanation: “I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.” — John Crosby in New York Herald Tribune In March of 1950 the humorist Leo Rosten wrote a profile of Groucho Marx for Look magazine that included a different wording for the saying. This variant appeared in the Yale Book of Quotations [LMGR][YQGR]: To the Friars Club in Hollywood, from which he recently resigned, he sent the following note: “I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.” In April of 1951 the Los Angeles Sentinel ran a distinctive version of the anecdote which named the Lambs Club as the recipient of the resignation message [LSGR]: When Walter Kiernan was inducted as President of Circus, Saints and Sinners (the lorgnette club in NY), he telegram’d the following message: “.. please accept my resignation.

I do not care to belong to any organization that would have me as President!” Thass awright, Sam, but it’s the same witty wordage Groucho Marx wired to the sediddy Lambs club in ’48! In October of 1951 Groucho’s son wrote an article for Collier’s magazine as noted above. Here is a longer excerpt [AMG1]: Once, however, when he was in a gregarious mood, he let some friends persuade him to join the Friars Club. After months of refusing to take part in any of the club’s activities, he finally decided it was foolish to pay dues any longer and sent in his resignation. In the next mail, he received a letter from the club’s president, wanting to know why he had resigned. My father promptly wrote back, “Because I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member!” In 1954 Groucho’s son wrote on the subject a second time in his book “Life with Groucho”.

Here is an excerpt [LGGR]: Jessel has always been able to make Father laugh, and as a favor to him, he joined the Hollywood chapter of the Friars Club a couple of years ago. But Father doesn’t like club life, and, after a few months, he dropped out. The Friars were disappointed over losing him, and wanted to know why he was resigning. They weren’t satisfied with his original explanation — that he just didn’t have time to participate in the club’s activities. He must have another, more valid reason, they felt. “I do have another reason,” he wrote back promptly. “I didn’t want to tell you, but since you’ve forced the issue, I just don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.” In 1959 Groucho presented a humorously fictionalized account in his memoir “Groucho and Me”.

The comedian described an event at the Delaney Club during which he was unhappily seated next to a “barber who had cut me many times, both socially and with a razor” [GMGR]: At one point he looked slowly around the room, then turned to me and said, “Groucho, we’re certainly getting a lousy batch of new members!” I chose to ignore this remark and tried talking to him about Chaucer, Ruskin and Shakespeare, but he had switched to denouncing electric razors as a death blow to the tonsorial arts, so I dried up and resumed drinking. The following morning I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. In 1988 Groucho’s son presented a third recounting of the episode.

This time the identity of the club is changed from the Friars to the Hillcrest Country Club [MLGR]: In the late thirties, when our whole family was very much into tennis, Groucho decided to drop out of the Hillcrest Country Club, because he didn’t want to have to pay dues to two clubs, the other one being the Beverly Hills Tennis Club. But he found he just couldn’t phone the Board of Directors and tell them he was quitting. They insisted he write an official letter of resignation. This request resulted in one of his most oft-quoted lines: `Dear Board, I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. Sincerely yours, Groucho Marx.’ In conclusion, this is one of Groucho’s quintessential jokes. Yet, the specifics of the anecdote vary, and no one has presented physical evidence of the letter or telegram. QI suggests using the version of the line given by Groucho in his memoir, or the earliest 1949 version. (Many thanks to Gregory B.

Gregory whose email provided the inspiration for the construction of this question and the performance of this investigation.) [EJGR] 1949 October 20, Dunkirk Evening Observer, In Hollywood by Erskine Johnson, Page 22, Column 5, Dunkirk, New York. (NewspaperArchive) [AMG1] 1951 October 13, Collier’s magazine, Groucho Is My Pop by Arthur Marx, Page 14, Column 2, P.F. Collier, New York. (Verified on paper) [GMGR] 1995 [reprint of 1959 edition], Groucho and Me by Groucho Marx, Chapter 24, Page 321, Da Capo Press Inc., New York. (Verified with Amazon Look Inside) [AMG3] 1992 [reprint of 1988 edition], My Life with Groucho by Arthur Marx, Pages 187-188, Robson Books Ltd., London.

(Verified on paper) [JFGR] 1949 October 27, Oregonian, Stanley Kramer Praised For Making Economy Films by Jimmie Fidler, McNaught Syndicate, Page 6 [GNB Page 26], Column 4, Portland, Oregon. (GenealogyBank) [JCGR] 1949 November 2, St. Petersburg Times, Marx Badgers Contestants by John Crosby, [Unreadable Page Number; Maybe 12] GN Page 14, Column 6, St. Petersburg, Florida. (Google News archive) [RDGR] 1950 January, The Reader’s Digest, Rejoinders, Page 140, Volume 56, The Reader’s Digest Association. (Verified on paper) [LMGR] 1950 March 28, Look magazine, Groucho…The Man From Marx by Leo Rosten, Page 83, Column 1-2, Cowles Communications, Inc., New York. (Verified on microfilm) [YQGR] 2006, The Yale Book of Quotations by Fred R.

Shapiro, Section: Groucho Marx, Page 498, Yale University Press, New Haven. (Verified on paper) [LSGR] 1951 April 05, Los Angeles Sentinel, From Harlem to Hollywood by J.T. Cipson, Page B1, Los Angeles, California. (ProQuest) [LGGR] 1954, Life with Groucho by Arthur Marx, Page 54, New York, Simon and Schuster. (Google Books snippet view; Visually verified on paper thanks to a librarian at the University of South Florida) link [MLGR] 1988, My Life with Groucho: A Son’s Eye View by Arthur Marx, Pages 187-188, Robson Books, London. (Verified on paper) Groucho Marx | Quote Investigator | Page 2 Quote Investigator I Never Forget a Face, But I’ll Make an Exception in Your Case Groucho Marx? Alan Gale? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: When I am at a party I sometimes have trouble recalling the name of a person I have met before.

But my recalcitrant memory has no difficulty remembering the line credited to Groucho Marx: I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception. When I performed a search I found some other versions: I never forget a face, but I’ll make an exception in your case. I never forget a face—but I’m willing to make an exception in your case. Is this a genuine Groucho joke or is it just a quip with a fake nose and glasses? Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence known to QI all points to Groucho Marx as creator of this jape. The February 13, 1937 issue of “The Literary Digest” published a piece about psychology and memory. Conventional advice givers have emphasized the desirability of memorization, but this article accentuated the practice of forgetting. The author mentioned the now classic joke credited to Groucho: 1 It’s the art of forgetting; and all it amounts to, really, is the reverse English of memory. In fact, some psychologists find it as important as the art of memory.

Groucho Marx facetiously shows how effective it can be in his gag: “I never forget a face — but I’m going to make an exception in your case!” A few days later, a columnist named E. V. Durling in the Washington Post presented the same joke with a variant wording and an ascription to Groucho. This citation was listed in the key reference “The Yale Book of Quotations”: 2 3 Groucho Marx. My nomination for Public Wisecracker No. 1. When and where was it Groucho said to somebody. “I never forget a face—but I’m going to make an exception in your case.” Here are additional selected citations in chronological order. This Is Not a Novel To Be Tossed Aside Lightly. It Should Be Thrown with Great Force Dorothy Parker? Sid Ziff? Bennett Cerf? Groucho Marx? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The most scathingly hilarious quip about a novel is credited to the famous wit Dorothy Parker who reportedly included it in a book review: This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. Unfortunately, no one seems to know when this line was written or spoken.

Also, I have not been able to determine the name of the book that was being slammed. Could you explore this? Quote Investigator: Multiple researchers have attempted to locate this joke in the writings of Dorothy Parker and have been unsuccessful. The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in the mass-circulation periodical Reader’s Digest in February 1960. The phrasing was slightly different, and the words were not ascribed to Parker: 1 From a book review: “It is not a book to be lightly thrown aside. It should be thrown with great force.” —Sid Ziff in Los Angeles Mirror-News Based on current information QI believes that Sid Ziff was the most likely creator of this humorous expression. Yet, the joke was reassigned to Dorothy Parker within a few years by Bennett Cerf who specialized in collecting and popularizing quotations. Cerf included the saying in his widely-syndicated newspaper column in October 1962: 2 FROM A BOOK REVIEW BY DOROTHY PARKER: “This is not a novel to be thrown aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.” Here are additional selected citations in chronological order. Groucho Marx? Henry G. Strauss? Phil Harris?

Joe E. Lewis? Anonymous? Topic: Smoking? Drinking? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a family of jokes about smoking, drinking, and reading. The quips certainly do not reflect the actions of role models, but they are funny: When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. He read so much about the ill effects of smoking that he gave up – reading! When I read about the bad effects of drinking I decided to give up reading. A man was so horrified by what he read about effects of smoking that he gave up reading. When did this family originate? Were the initial gags about smoking or drinking? Quote Investigator: The earliest evidence located by QI appeared in 1950. The topic of the quip was smoking, and the words were ascribed to a well-known comedy superstar: 1 Groucho Marx says he became disturbed over the effects of smoking, after reading an article on the subject, he gave up reading. (That’s right, not smoking. That’s Groucho.) In 1954 a version of the joke was told in the Parliament of the United Kingdom where it was credited to Henry G. Strauss who later became Lord Conesford.

Strictly speaking Strauss assigned the gag to an anonymous American: 2 As I listened to the hon. Baronets I could not help thinking of a story told to the House two weeks ago by my hon. and learned Friend the Parliamentary Secretary to the Board of Trade (Mr. H. Strauss) about the American who was so horrified at what he had read in the newspapers about smoking that he gave up reading. The comedic remark credited to Strauss was reported in North American papers, e.g., the Lethbridge Herald or Lethbridge, Alberta, 3 and the Big Spring Daily Herald of Big Spring, Texas. 4 Here are additional selected citations in chronological order. “It Took Me Fifteen Years to Discover That I Had No Talent for Writing.” “Did You Quit?” Robert Benchley? Mark Twain? Walter Winchell? Groucho Marx? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: One of the funniest quotations about writing is usually credited to the brilliant wit Robert Benchley: It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous.

I was very surprised to find the same joke attributed to Twain in the comprehensive collection “Everyone’s Mark Twain”: After writing for fifteen years it struck me I had no talent for writing. I couldn’t give it up. By that time I was already famous! Was this quip created by Robert Benchley, Mark Twain, or somebody else? Quote Investigator: QI believes that this comical remark was crafted by neither Twain nor Benchley. The earliest version of the joke located by QI was about writing poetry. It was published in the humor magazine Puck in February 1912 under the title “COULDN’T AFFORD TO THEN”. The generic names SCRIBBLER and FRIEND were used to designate the speakers in a dialog: 1 SCRIBBLER.—It took me nearly ten years to learn that I couldn’t write poetry. FRIEND.—Gave it up then, did you? SCRIBBLER.—Oh, no. By that time I had a reputation.

In March 1912 the same joke was reprinted in other periodicals with an acknowledgement to Puck, e.g., Springfield Republican of Springfield, Massachusetts, 2 Seattle Daily Times of Seattle, Washington, 3 and The Jersey Journal of Jersey City, New Jersey. 4 In September 1912 The Independent, a weekly magazine based in New York City, printed a variant that referred to writing stories instead of poetry: 5 “It took me nearly ten years to learn that I couldn’t write stories.” “I suppose you gave it up, then?” “No, no. By that time I had a reputation.” —New York American. The quip was retold, and the phrasing evolved for decades, but the creator was left unnamed. The earliest connection to Mark Twain located by QI appeared in the popular newspaper column of Walter Winchell in 1946. The first known attachment of the joke to Benchley occurred in an issue of Reader’s Digest in 1949. Also, Nathaniel Benchley, the son of Robert, attributed the joke to his father in a biography he wrote in 1955. The details are provided further below.

Here are additional selected citations in chronological order. Groucho Marx? A. E. Thomas? Beatrice Faber? Sidney Skolsky? Hugh Herbert? Walter Catlett? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: When Groucho Marx was leaving a boring party he supposedly said: I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. Did Groucho really insult a host or hostess in this way, or did he use this line in a comedy routine? Incidentally, I saw this quote when I was reading about the fun word “paraprosdokian” which refers to a figure of speech that contains a surprising or unexpected ending. Quote Investigator: In a newspaper piece he wrote in 1962 Groucho denied that he ever used this quip to actually insult someone in real life. The details are given further below. Indeed, the earliest examples known to QI were not spoken by Groucho. In the 1930s the stories told in movies were sometimes serialized in newspapers. In June 1935 an Iowa paper serialized the movie “No More Ladies”. The movie was based on a stage play by A. E.

Thomas, and the adaption was performed by Beatrice Faber. The quip appeared in chapter one of the serialization. Boldface has been added to excerpts: 1 She dropped a kiss on Fanny’s forehead. “Good night sweet. If you see Sherry tell him I had a lovely evening but this wasn’t it.” Many thanks to Andrew Steinberg who located the above citation. In October 1936 the Hollywood columnist Sidney Skolsky credited the joke to a popular comedian named Hugh Herbert who had appeared in many movies.

Today, Herbert is not well-known, but Groucho’s fame is uneclipsed: 2 Hugh Herbert leaving a party, said to the hostess: “I had a lovely evening, but this wasn’t it.” In November 1936 a column about Sacramento, California asserted that the line was used by an unnamed young man: 3 When goodnights were being said, the girl remarked politely to a well-known out-of-town boy, “I hope you enjoyed yourself.” The boy replied just as politely, “Yes, I had a lovely evening, but this wasn’t it.” (Now, I ask you was that nice?) In 1940 Cosmopolitan magazine published “I Cover Hollywood” by Sidney Skolsky. The columnist printed the quip again, but this time he assigned the phrase to another actor. The context was a discussion of a big party scene in the motion picture “Public Deb No. 1” which was directed by Gregory Ratoff: 4 Director Ratoff was thinking of using the best line ever pulled at a Hollywood party as a tag for his party sequence.

It actually occurred, however, when Walter Catlett, on leaving a swanky party, said to the hostess, “I had a lovely evening, but this wasn’t it.” In 1941 the Reader’s Digest attached the words to Groucho Marx. A footnote indicated that the performer Eddie Cantor supplied the quotation and ascription: 5 “I’ve had a wonderful evening,” said Groucho Marx to his hostess as he was leaving a dull Hollywood party, “but this wasn’t it!”* * Contributed by Eddie Cantor Now We’re Just Haggling Over the Price George Bernard Shaw? Winston Churchill? Groucho Marx? Max Aitken? Mark Twain? W. C. Fields? Bertrand Russell? Dear Quote Investigator: There is a famous story about sex and money that I have heard in myriad variations. A man asks a woman if she would be willing to sleep with him if he pays her an exorbitant sum. She replies affirmatively. He then names a paltry amount and asks if she would still be willing to sleep with him for the revised fee. The woman is greatly offended and replies as follows: She: What kind of woman do you think I am?

He: We’ve already established that. Now we’re just haggling over the price. This joke is retold with different famous individuals filling the roles. Often Bernard Shaw is mentioned. Did anything like this ever happen? Who was involved? Quote Investigator: The role of the character initiating the proposal in this anecdote has been assigned to George Bernard Shaw, Winston Churchill, Groucho Marx, Mark Twain, W.C. Fields, Bertrand Russell, H.G. Wells, Woodrow Wilson and others. However, the earliest example of this basic story found by QI did not spotlight any of the persons just listed. In addition, the punch line was phrased differently. In January 1937 the syndicated newspaper columnist O. O. McIntyre printed a version of the anecdote that he says was sent to him as a newspaper clipping. This tale featured a powerful Canadian-British media magnate and politician named Max Aitken who was also referred to as Lord Beaverbrook [MJLB]: Someone sends me a clipping from Columnist Lyons with this honey: “They are telling this of Lord Beaverbrook and a visiting Yankee actress.

In a game of hypothetical questions, Beaverbrook asked the lady: ‘Would you live with a stranger if he paid you one million pounds?’ She said she would. ‘And if be paid you five pounds?’ The irate lady fumed: ‘Five pounds. What do you think I am?’ Beaverbrook replied: ‘We’ve already established that. Now we are trying to determine the degree.” Note that this newspaper version does not use the blunt phrase “sleep with”. Instead, a more oblique expression, “live with”, is employed to conform to the conventions of the period. Top-researcher Barry Popik has performed very valuable work tracing this tale, and we have incorporated some of his discoveries in this article. Here are additional selected citations in chronological order. The Main Thing Is Honesty. If You Can Fake That, You’ve Got It Made Groucho Marx? George Burns? Jean Giraudoux? Celeste Holm? Ed Nelson? Samuel Goldwyn? Daniel Schorr? Joe Franklin? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: The funniest advice I was ever given as a sales associate was from another seasoned employee: The most important thing is honesty. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Later, I read or heard this type of advice several times. For example, a television actor being interviewed said something like: The secret of success is sincerity. Fake that and you’re in. The expression varies but the basic joke is the same. Could you explore this saying to see where it began? Quote Investigator: Groucho Marx, Samuel Goldwyn, and George Burns have each been credited with versions of this remark. George Burns did include a version in his third memoir in 1980, but this was a relatively late date. QI has located no substantive evidence supporting an ascription to Marx or Goldwyn. The earliest evidence QI has found for this type of remark appeared in a syndicated newspaper column by Leonard Lyons in 1962. The popular Oscar-winning actress Celeste Holm attributed the words to an anonymous theater actor [LLCH]: Westinghouse Broadcasting Co. invited a panel of performers – including Celeste Holm and Shelly Berman – to discuss the trends in show business. Miss Holm spoke of the vogues in acting, and said she heard one actor say: “Honesty. That’s the thing in the theater today.

Honesty … and just as soon as I can learn to fake that, I’ll have it made.” In 1969 an actor named Ed Nelson who played the character Dr. Michael Rossi on the soap opera Peyton Place stated a version of the maxim in Life magazine. QI believes that multiple later occurrences of the expression can be traced back to this instance, but usually the actor’s name was omitted [ENPP]: … Ed Nelson (Dr. Rossi) summed up what he had learned in his five years on the show. “I’ve found that the most important thing for an actor is honesty,” he said. “And when you learn how to fake that, you’re in.” Here are additional selected citations in chronological order. Quiz Question: Who Is Buried in Grant’s Tomb? Answer: Grant! Groucho Marx? Ed Wynn? Jimtown Weekly? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: Groucho Marx was the host of a quiz show called “You Bet Your Life” during the 1940s and 50s. Sometimes when a contestant did poorly Groucho would ask an easy question so that the person could win a prize or some money. For example: Who is buried in Grant’s tomb?

This question refers to the mausoleum in New York City that contains the remains of Ulysses S. Grant and his wife. The simple answer that Groucho expected to hear was “Grant”, and this allowed him to award a prize. Was Groucho the original creator of this absurdist question? Quote Investigator: This query was explored by the New York Times journalist Michael Pollak in an article that was part of an ongoing series answering questions about the megacity New York [NYGT]. Top researcher Barry Popik and QI were able to help Pollak respond successfully to this query, and he kindly acknowledged our aid. The earliest evidence of this humorous question appeared in a syndicated newspaper column by the comedian and actor Ed Wynn who often used the persona of “The Perfect Fool”. In September 1925 the column “Ed Wynn’s Question Box: He Knows All – He Sees All” printed several interrogatives with a comic edge. Here are three of them [EWGT]: Do you know that a female “moth” is called a “myth?” Do you know where your lap goes to when you stand up? Do you know the name of the general who is buried in Grant’s tomb?

If you don’t know, ask me. This version of the Grant query even includes a hint that the answer is a general. The show “You Bet Your Life” with Groucho started broadcasting in the 1940s, so the joke was not constructed for that show. Here are additional selected citations. A Day Without Laughter is a Day Wasted Charlie Chaplin? Steve Martin? Groucho Marx? Nicolas Chamfort? Dear Quote Investigator: The following guideline for living makes sense to me, so I try to find humor in something every day: A day without laughter is a day wasted When I read this maxim originally it was credited to Charlie Chaplin, but I once heard it attributed to Groucho Marx. Do you know who said it and on what occasion? Quote Investigator: This principle is sometimes credited to popular comedic entertainers such as Charlie Chaplin and Groucho Marx, but the idea was expressed more than two centuries ago. The French writer Nicolas Chamfort was famous for his witticisms and epigrams.

In 1795 the periodical Mercure Français reprinted the following saying from one of his manuscripts [MFNC]: La plus perdue de toutes les journées est celle où l’on n’a pas ri. The earliest instance of this aphorism in the English language located by QI is dated 1803 in a periodical titled “Flowers of Literature” in a section titled “Laughing” [FLFB]: I admire the man who exclaimed, “I have lost a day!” because he had neglected to do any good in the course of it; but another has observed that “the most lost of all days, is that in which we have not laughed*;” and, I must confess, that I feel myself greatly of his opinion. The asterisk footnote pointed to the bottom of the page where the French phrase listed above was presented. The text did not identify Chamfort as the author of the saying, but it did give his precise French wording as the source of the English epigram. Here are additional selected citations in chronological order. Friars Club? Delaney Club? Beverly Hills Tennis Club? Hillcrest Country Club?

Dear Quote Investigator: There is a wonderful story about Groucho Marx and an elite private club. I have heard so many variants of this tale that I was hoping you would investigate. In one version Groucho resigns from a club, and in another version he refuses to join a club. He sends a telegram or a letter saying something like the following: I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member. I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. The club is called: The Friars Club of Beverly Hills, The Delaney Club, The Lambs Club, The Beverly Hills Tennis Club, or The Hillcrest Country Club. What do you think? Quote Investigator: Evidence shows that Groucho Marx crafted a magnificently humorous line that has become a comedy classic. However, the same evidence does not reveal the exact wording of his comical gem or the precise circumstances of its employment.

Yet, there is some agreement; for example, sources concur that Groucho was resigning from a club, and he was not refusing to join one. On October 20, 1949 the Hollywood columnist Erskine Johnson published the tale. This is the earliest instance located by QI [EJGR]: Groucho Marx’s letter of resignation to the Friars’ Club: “I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.” On October 13, 1951 the only son of Groucho, Arthur Marx, published a version of the anecdote in Collier’s Magazine. This is the earliest variant by a close family member with intimate knowledge of Groucho. Over the years Arthur Marx recounted different narratives of this episode, and some will be presented further below. In 1951 he said that Groucho joined the Friars Club at the insistence of friends, but he did not participate. So Groucho sent in a letter of resignation [AMG1]: In the next mail, he received a letter from the club’s president, wanting to know why he had resigned.

My father promptly wrote back, “Because I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member!” In 1959 Groucho himself told about resigning a club in his memoir “Groucho and Me”, but he presented a fictionalized version of the story in which the club was referred to as the Delaney Club [GMGR]: The following morning I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. In 1988 Groucho’s son wrote another description of the resignation in his book “My Life with Groucho: A Son’s Eye View”. In this version Groucho resigned from the Hillcrest Country Club and not the Friars Club or the Delaney Club [AMG3]. Dear Board, I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. Sincerely yours, Groucho Marx. These four variants of the tale are the most salient in QI’s opinion, but several more are available. No one seems to know the exact wording of the resignation message which is endlessly mutable. Here are selected citations in chronological order.

Question: Groucho Marx resigned from where as he didn't care to belong to any club that would have him as a member?
Answer: Friars Club