10 Common Ordering Mistakes People Make in Paris Restaurants - David Lebovitz 10 Common Ordering Mistakes People Make in Paris Restaurants 222 comments - 01.21.2010 The other night I was sitting at Le Garde Robe , minding my own business, trying to get down a glass of natural wine. Being seven o’clock, naturally, in addition to being thirsty, I was starving, too. And the lack of food (and sulfides) must have started affecting my brain because I started thinking about how I often hear tales from visitors, such as when they told a Parisian waiter they didn’t eat meat and shortly afterward, were presented with a plate of lamb. Or they ordered a salad, that was supposed to come with the sandwich, and was actually just a single leaf of lettuce.

Hoo-boy, and yes, I’ve made a few gaffes of my own, too: I once ordered a glass of Lillet (pronounced le lait, which isn’t well-known around Paris) and the perplexed café waiter brought me out a long, slender glass of le lait (milk), presented with great panache, on a silver dish with a nice doily. Of course, everyone was staring at the grown man who ordered a tall glass of milk. And I don’t think it was because of the starched doily. Anyhow, I was scanning the chalkboard at Le Garde Robe, looking at the various charcuterie and cheese on offer, and noticed filet mignon, and thought, “A steak is a funny thing for a wine bar to serve, especially one that doesn’t serve hot food.” Until I remembered what it is in French. And if everyone wasn’t already staring at the idiot at the wine bar, nursing a stemmed glass of milk, I would’ve kicked myself for thinking that’s a big, juicy steak. Which it’s not, in France. 1. Mixing Up the Mignons Mignon in French means “cute”.

And to my pork-loving friends and readers, that can only mean one thing: pigs. French people think cows are attractive. So much so, that they’ve even issued stamps with various cow breeds depicted on them. But in this case, a filet mignon is pork tenderloin, not the lean, thick-cut steak that you might be used to. Which doesn’t explain why Le Garde Robe, which doesn’t have a kitchen, had filet mignon on the menu. Which means I have to go back to the wine bar. Oh well…all in the name of research. Of course. 2. Don’t Order an Apéritif in a Restaurant Apparently, no one orders a kir anymore. (Update: Or maybe so? ) A refreshing drink made with aligoté white wine and a dapple of cassis, before I found out I’m not supposed to drink them anymore (the memo must’ve blown off my porch, or something..) a kir makes a nice apéritif on a warm spring or summer evening—at a café. Because I was recently informed that they are no longer in fashion, I suppose it’d be best to cut them out entirely.

(And yes, that means the sparkly kir royal, made with Champagne, too. Merde!) Which brings me to ordering an apéro in a restaurant, which is something you very rarely see in Paris. Most people go to a nearby café for one, perhaps to sit on the terrace, before heading to a restaurant. So when the waiter asks, “Vous desirez un apéritif?”, you don’t have to feel obligated and say, “Bien sûr!”, especially since a round of four will set you back at least €25 ($36 at today’s exchange rate), and a round of kir royals is likely to set you back a whole lot more than that. And there’s likely a fairly good bottle of wine you could get for the same price. Like Sancerre. Sancerre rocks, and if I could only drink one wine for the rest of my life, it would be Sancerre. 3. Drink in only the sights on the Champs-Elysées It boggles my mind when people come to Paris, and have a soda at a café on the Champs-Elysées, then go wild when they get the check.

Image going to the most expensive hotel in New York City or Los Angeles and ordering a Coke. You’re standing on some of the most expensive real estate in the world on that street and you’re going to pay for that privilege if you choose to park your backside in one of those chairs. If you want to sit there and enjoy the view, fine, order that €8 Coke, and suck it up. (Watch your belongings!) But I advise skipping a drink on that boulevard (and really, you should be drinking wine, like Sancerre, instead of soda in France anyways..), unless you’re really, really thirsty. In which case, hit the supermarket at the end of the street, number #52, to be precise, and grab a beverage there. 4. Fish (a little) for Scallops I fell for this once, a long time ago in Switzerland, and ordered the escalopes, thinking I was going to be tucking in some fork-tender, round nuggets of under-the-sea goodness. Hardly. Instead, I was presented with a few thinly-pounded pieces of leathery veal.

It wasn’t all that bad, in a chewy-meat kind of way, but I was definitely not getting misted with that dewy, salty spray of the sea. In French, escalope refers to any kind of boneless meat or poultry (and fish, although rarely) that is thinly-sliced and usually pan-fried. If you want those sweet scallops, order the Coquilles Saint-Jacques , a moniker which has been commandeered by Americans as a dish with scallops served in their shell, with a bunch of other stuff mixed in to fluff it up a bit. In France, though, the term just means the fresh scallops, sold in their shells, which can be prepared in a variety of ways. Just ask your friendly waiter. Without the shells, they’re called Saint-Jacques or sometimes noix de Saint-Jacques, even though they don’t have any noix (nuts) in them. Perhaps you have to go to a triperie, or a place that specializes in offal to find scallop nuts. 5. Ban the Butter, or Be Breton I love French butter . Especially the amazing salted butter from Normandy and Brittany.

But you’ll never find it served with bread, except in upscale restaurants, in Paris. Bread is meant to be an accompaniment to a meal, not a before-the-first-course course, grabbing for the rolls as soon as the bread basket hits the table. And the French don’t pick up a slice of bread and yank a wad off with their teeth. Bread is meant to be eaten by pulling off a mouth-sized piece, and placing it between your lips. Your teeth should not be showing in public when you eat bread. Which is why, as soon as I get in the elevator of my building alone with a fresh baguette, I rip my incisors into it like a savage beast. Butter isn’t normally spread on bread except in three instances: 1) Salted butter goes on rye bread, eaten with oysters from Brittany or elsewhere, 2) At breakfast, bread is spread liberally with butter, because it’s from the day before and needs it, and 3) With sausage or cheese, especially bleu cheese. It’s good. Try it!

Waiters are semi-used to being asked for butter by my compatriots, so if you want it and they give you a snarl, tell them you’re from Brittany, a region filled with French people that aren’t as enamored with cheese as they are with butter. So just tell the waiter J’ai besoin d’amann, which is butter, in Breton. I don’t know how to say “I need…” in Breton, so anyone out there who speaks that mystical language is welcome to enlighten me. 6. Don’t Turn Off the Tap People. The French Middle Ages were ages ago. They haven’t sent anyone to the guillotine since 1977 (er…) and people don’t use rags to clean the streets anymore. ( er ….) and yes, the tap water in Paris is fine to drink. It truly is and live to tell you about it. Just like there is a movement in other places to stop drinking water in plastic bottles, it’s time to cut down on this folly, which is a huge waste of money and resources. (Disclaimer: I buy water only for my espresso machine and for traveling.

But to balance it out, I don’t always flush when I go #1, and sometimes resort to other water-saving measures .) Even though by now you’ve probably lost your appetite, by law, in a restaurant in France, if you ask for tap water, they have to give it to you. Sometimes it takes a few times for it to sink in that you’re not buying water, and to get the free stuff, but don’t be bullied. And you know those waiters who you don’t want to think you’re a cheapskate order tap water when they go out to eat, too. (Just like those queens with the perfect stubble and 28″ waists at Gucci who sneer at you because you can’t afford that €385 shirt. I never feel bad because if they didn’t work there, they wouldn’t be wearing a €385 shirt either.) Never feel intimidated into ordering a bottle of water, either just because you’re in Europe and you think you’re supposed to, or because you’re afraid of French water. Just say “Non” to bottled water, in any language. 7.

Bring On the Rosé For some unknown reason, some visitors think it’s very downscale to drink rosé. But much of the rosé in France is pretty good, especially in the summer. And in fact, rosé has overtaken white wine in France and I’m proud to say I’ve done my part to help tip those scales. Unlike those sugary pink wines from, well, you-know-where, you will rarely come across a sweet rosé in Paris: few people here like drinking sweet wine. So you can order rosé with impunity and not feel like a cheapskate or a dolt. Heck, I even put an ice cube in mine. Just like they do in Marseille. And Parisians know better than to mess with les Marseillais. But just in case, I included a picture of a carafe that was served to me in Marseilles last summer, which you’re welcome to print out and carry around with you, like I do in case anyone gives me a hard time about putting ice in mine. 8. When is a salade Not a Salad?

I read on one of those travel bulletin board where everybody whines and complains (I’m always, like, “Dude, get a blog. It’s awesome!”), from a furious hotel guest in Paris who ordered a hamburger which the menu said came with salade, and…damn those cheese-eaters!…there was only one leaf of lettuce on his or her plate. In French, the word salade on its own means lettuce, as in either a head of lettuce, or by-the-leaf. Usually a meal-sized salad is called something like salade Parisienne and can have all sorts of wonderful things on it. Like the salade œuf mollet, above, with bacon, crisp croûtons, and a warm poached egg from Le Nemrod , which I couldn’t resist showing you. (You don’t have to print it out if you go there. They know it already.) If you want a green salad, ask for a salade verte, a simple “green” salad. Which goes ecologically well with that “green”-minded tap water you’ve ordered, I might add. 9. Hold the Veggies Some veg head friends of mine came to Paris and went to a vegetarian restaurant up near Montmarte.

The next day, they told me how stunned they were that there weren’t any vegetables on the menu. Yes, being a vegetarian can pose a challenge in Paris, although I’ve seen more and more vegetarian restaurants coming across the radar lately, and cafés and other casual places often feature vegetarian dishes, too. However in regular restos, some non-meat eaters are surprised when they tell the waiter they don’t eat meat, then are presented with a salad…oops, I mean asalade, piled high with ham or bacon. France has an interesting way of categorizing things (and if you don’t believe me, let me tell you about my last appointment at city hall) and at a butcher shop, you’ll find beef and lamb, and sometimes pork. Chicken is at the volailler, although in butcher shops, too. But at a charcuterie, you’ll find pork products and fresh pork, but you won’t find fresh beef or lamb, and not chicken. And if you’re looking for horse to eat , you’ll have to go to a chevaline. So if you say you don’t eat ‘meat’, that can be translated in a variety of ways.

But just to be safe, I’ve memorized how to say that I don’t eat horse in every conceivable language. (Except in Breton. But I think I’m safe.) Hey, where’s Number 10? Oops, I guess I just made a mistake, too. Okay, so I told you some of my foibles and mishaps in Paris restaurants and cafés. Got any of yours to share, or any to add to this list? Slow Travel France - French Language Lessons, Out for Dinner, ordering in restaurants * Sometimes spelled with a final t. Meals Although, like us, the French eat three meals per day, what they eat at each meal differs from what's customary in the US or UK. Generally breakfast is coffee and bread and jam. Contrary to common belief, croissants are not usually eaten daily but rather on more special occasions like weekends. (That said, we encourage you to eat many croissants au beurre whenever you like! After all, it's your vacation!) Both lunch and dinner can be larger or smaller meals. Traditionally the midday meal was the largest one. Nowadays, there is more variation - some people prefer to eat a smaller lunch and a larger dinner or vice versa.

Lunch is served in restaurants usually between 12pm and 2pm. Dinner service usually starts at 7pm, although many French people don't go out for dinner until at least 8pm. ENGLISH please (in order to get waiter's attention) s'il vous plaît seel voo pleh * If pronouncing all of the consonants "t", "r" and "w" together is too difficult, leaving out the "r" will give you a close enough approximation. However, note that toi (twah) is a different word that means "you" informal. ** The French invariably pronounce foreign words as if they were French. It's not a bad idea to learn to pronounce your name as it might be pronounced in France. We are dah-VEED roh-NEES (David Ronis), zhoh-nah-TAH mohr-GAHN (Jonathan Morgan) et stehv koh-EHN (Steve Cohen)! Beverages Usually, servers first ask you what you would like to drink. Common choices are aperitifs, mineral water and wine. Below are some terms that will help you with your beverage order.

ENGLISH ay-vee-ah Other Beverages Often, servers will offer you a drink before your meal. Also, many people like to have an after-dinner drink. Please refer to the Café Talk lesson for a list of common aperitifs and after-dinner drinks. Ordering Food When your drink order has been taken, it's time to turn to food. A traditional, full French meal might consist of appetizer, soup, fish course, meat course, cheese, dessert and coffee. Nowadays, diners are not expected to eat all of these courses. However, in the spirit of trying something new, you might consider a course in which you normally don't partake – cheese, for instance. Most fixed price menus are three or four courses and usually offer either an appetizer or soup for the first and dispense with the cheese course. Here is some vocabulary that should be useful when ordering. ENGLISH ça suffit sah sew-fee * Notice the subtle difference in pronunciation between voudrez (voo-dray) in the question and voudrais (voo-dreh) in the answer.

** A potage is usually a soup that is enriched with one or more of the following: cream, butter, egg, or a flour roux (butter and flour cooked together). *** Beware that the words for fish (poisson) and drink (boisson) are very similar. If you mix the two up, you might find yourself in an embarrassing situation! Special Requests Many travelers have dietary restrictions or preferences. Here are a number of terms that will be helpful should you have any special needs. ENGLISH biologique bee-oh-loh-zheek * Feminine form in parenthesis. Also note that the indefinite article ("a" in English) is left out of the translated French phrase. Je suis un vegetarien is incorrect. Menu Items The following are examples of dishes commonly found on menus. It is, by no means, comprehensive. The gastronomy of France is vast and it's beyond the scope of these lessons to provide a detailed pronouncing dictionary of food terms. We do hope, however, that it will be helpful with the basics.

(Note, again, that in this section we've switched the order in which the terms appear: French-English-Transliteration.) Appetizers Here are some appetizers you might find on a menu. FRENCH chicken breast sew-prehm duh voh-lahy* * The last syllable in volaille is basically a diphthong – a combination of two vowels, "ah" and "ee". In this case, the "ah" component receives the emphasis with the "ee" sounded lightly at the end. Meat In addition to the words for various meats, we're including a few of the organ meats. Europeans eat them with much more frequency than Americans and they are very commonly found on menus. Particularly if you don't like organ meats, you might want to know a few of their names so when they come up, you can avoid them! FRENCH veal sweetbreads (thymus gland) ree duh voh The French, in fact most Europeans, tend to cook their beef less than we do in the US and most wouldn't consider eating a steak well-done.

Since both this predilection as well as the system for how meat is cooked is different from that in English-speaking countries, it's difficult to accurately translate the terms "rare, medium-rare" etc. Guidebooks and phrasebooks routinely contradict one another on this subject. That said, below is a guide that will hopefully be helpful. Of course, if meat is undercooked, you can always send it back to be cooked a bit more, although you might get a strange look from the waiter! In order to have a steak well-done, it might be necessary to order it très bien cuit. FRENCH ice cream glahs * Say that 10 times fast! Actually, since it's so difficult to articulate all of the "t"s, the final "t" in tarte is usually omitted, or rather assimilated into the initial "t" of tatin: "tahr tah-ta". Coffee After a meal, it's very common in France to have a cup of coffee. However, the French very seldom drink coffee with milk or cream after a meal. Like the Italians, there's a feeling that milk in coffee does not aid digestion. Most often, they'll just have a simple espresso.

That said, don't let local custom dissuade you from enjoying a café au lait after your meal, if the spirit moves you. Decaffeinated coffee isn't an uncommon request in France. Nor is herbal or black tea. For a comprehensive listing of coffee terms, please consult the lesson entitled Café Talk . Paying the Bill When you are ready to pay and leave, you are expected to ask for your check. Waiters will almost never bring you the check until you request it. Restaurants in Europe don't expect to "turn over" tables. Once you sit down, the table is usually yours for the evening, or for as long as you like. ENGLISH You can hear this dialog being spoken. Download MP3 soundtrack: fr_restaurants.mp3 (340kb) Click on the link to play the sound file (it takes a few minutes to download). Right click to download the file to save on your computer. Dialog In the Slow Travel Italian Language Lesson: Going Out For Dinner, we encountered a simple conversation between a husband, wife and waiter at an Italian trattoria. What a coincidence that the same couple has decided to come to France the next year! Now they find themselves at a restaurant in Paris.

Maître d': Bon soir, monsieur-dame. Vous avez une réservation? Husband: Oui. Pour deux personnes à huit heures et demi. Maître d': Quel est le nom? Husband: Cohen. Maître d': Bon, alors. Suivez-moi, s'il vous plaît. The Maître d' shows the couple to their table, gives them menus, leaves them alone. In a couple of minutes a waiter comes to take their order. Waiter: Bonsoir. Est-ce que vous voudrez quelque chose à boire? Un apéritif? Wife: Non, merci. Une bouteille d'eau minerale avec gas. Husband: Et un demi-litre de vin rouge du pays. Waiter: Bon. Et à manger? Wife: Je voudrais le menu prix-fixe à dix-neuf euros, avec les escargots à la bourguignonne, la sole meunière, une salade verte, et le mousse au chocolat. Husband: Moi, je voudrais la soupe à l'oignon, le cassoulet, une salade verte et la tarte tatin.

Waiter: Excellent! Merci bien. The food is served and the couple relax and enjoy their meal. Finally they are ready to leave. Husband: L'addition, s'il vous plaît. Waiter: Oui. The couple pays the check, which includes a 12% service charge to which they add a few extra euro, and then they leave, stomachs full, and extremely content! Waiter: Bon soir. Merci. Bread Wine and Cheese - Review of Pain Vin Fromage, Paris, France - TripAdvisor Review of Pain Vin Fromage 3 rue Geoffroy L Angevin, 75004 Paris, France (Le Marais) +33 1 42 74 07 52 Cuisines: French , European , Central European More restaurant details Good for: Families with children, Local cuisine, Special occasions, Romantic Dining options: Dinner, Lunch, Late Night, Reservations, Serves Alcohol, Waitstaff Neighborhood: Le Marais “Bread Wine and Cheese” Reviewed July 2, 2012 We attempted to go to a place across the street, but it was filled up.

We liked the looks of this place, so we went there instead. We made an excellent choice. The service was outstanding. when we mistakenly took each others meals the manager ran over to notify us of our mistake. The food was very good and very reasonably priced. The wine selection was good too, with plenty of half bottles available. Visited June 2012 Ask cashelguy about Pain Vin Fromage This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC. 1,359 reviews from our community Visitor rating “A wonderfull trip through french taste” Reviewed July 2, 2012 This is a small characteristic restaurant only few meters from Centre Pompidou in Paris that offers typical good courses of the french cousine. As the name suggest it is specialized in fromage from allover the nation. Here you'll find any cheese for any taste! I suggest to try it at least once. Visited June 2012 Ask benissum about Pain Vin Fromage This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC.

maya_shaag “everything about it was so good!!!” Reviewed July 1, 2012 what a lovely and authentic place for fondue! unlike many other places in the city, this one has a real parisien feel about it. not only the food was really lovely, and the atmosphere warm and lively, also the service and the staff were unbelievable, AND spoke very good english. we would surely go back there the next time we're in Paris. Visited June 2012 Ask maya_shaag about Pain Vin Fromage This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC. MaryTs “Enjoy!!!!” Reviewed June 30, 2012 My husband and I visit this restaurant every time we go to Paris. It's best to reserve but if you have no reservation then be there at 7 pm. The food never fails you! The green salad is delicious and then you go for the fondue and/or the raclette. The wine list is good and the cheese plate excellent (from every region of France). The price is quite reasonable (about 50-60 euros for two). I absolutely suggest it!

Visited January 2012 Ask MaryTs about Pain Vin Fromage This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC. linearmantis “Simply incredible” Reviewed June 18, 2012 My wife and I visited this (primarily) fondue restaurant on the first night of our stop in Paris. And then the second night. And, were it not for budget concerns, likely would've returned on the third night. Across from a higher-priced French restaurant, Pan Vin Fromage proved a quintessential Parisian experience. On our first visit, Fred (at least, that was our interpretation of his French accent) suggested the "classico" fondue, a mix of cheeses that was nearly perfect. One suggestion (and this is no fault of Pain Vin Fromage): order a salad with this selection, as the cheese can be a bit much if you're not eating it with other dishes. Luckily we also ordered the jambon plate, which was equally satisfying. Our subsequent visit was also enjoyable, and we noticed that TripAdvisor has had a significant effect on this restaurant's business..

Fred was there again and, to my delight, he recognized us immediately and offered us a table (without reservation, you should really get there early-- like ~7:30), except this evening we were among 10 or 20 other Americans. Fred's English is fairly good, but when he falters his "Frenglish" fusion gets the point across. He told me he was very aware of TripAdvisor, and still regrets that "one people don't like"! :) Overall, we couldn't imagine a better experience. Not too expensive, but still worth EVERY penny. Please go. Visited June 2012 Fromage & fourchette (or how to make the French hate you) – Hungry Hungry Hippie Elise June 4, 2011 Uncategorized After our picnic by the Eiffel Tower , we geared up for a post-lunch workout. And by that I mean a session on France’s most scenic stairmaster. The line to walk is way shorter than the line to go up by lift, plus, the stairs weren’t all that bad!

We learned interesting facts at each level, a new addition to the climb, which Laura and I appreciated since I accidentally grabbed the informational brochure in Greek/Italian. Seriously, I couldn’t have picked a worse one to try and decipher. I told Laura it was practice for the next leg of her journey…nothing like renting a car to drive through a country with characters as letters. Glad I’ll be far far away from that. So up we climbed! After reaching the first level, we stopped to take photos and do a few laps. There’s a cafe there now, which I definitely don’t remember from the last time I went up. Pretty cute. The prices weren’t as insane as you may have expected. They reserve those for the restaurant at the top, 58 Tour Eiffel . The main courses on that menu start at the ever reasonable price of 73 Euro. I’m pretty sure it’s where Tom Cruise proposed to Katie Holmes. So clearly you have to be on the richer side to eat there. Anyway. Several selfies later, we finally began the next climb. The trek to the second level offered the same educational exercise. Did you know other countries have imitated the Tower in numerous ways? Oui! Oui!

More photos from an even higher vantage point. This level had all the photos describing what you were looking at, so Laura and I took our time figuring out the lay of the land. What we learned was that pretty much every single monument was constructed for the World Fair . Even the most ridiculously obvious facts came in handy later as we recited them to our friends. I’m not sure if it made us sound smart or pretentious. And then we were off to buy billetes to the tippy top. It took a few minutes (ok, more) for us to figure out where and how to get these tickets. The level was packed with people and we did a full lap before discovering we were directly next to it at the start of the search (typical). Once we got in line, it was a fairly short wait. It helped that four different Asian tour groups had to leave the line after getting to the front and realizing you were already supposed to have purchased your lift tickets. I will refrain from saying something rude here because I could easily see Laura and I doing the same thing. Maybe if there were more signs…not in French…haha. Kidding. Of course any reasonably intelligent person could figure it out.

We are just on the cusp of that group of people. At the top we did another lap, trying to see Roland Garros and the further edges of Paris. And Laura risked her camera’s life to do this… [Do not try this at home] Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore… And then we headed back down. Down down down. Oddly, the descent seemed longer, even though it wasn’t nearly as arduous as the climb up. Back on land, we headed to the Arc de Triomphe. It was as if we were trying to tackle Paris in a single day! Really we were just doing research for our next few days (more on the 2 day passes we bought later). We only spent a second there because by then it was 5:15 and we had to be back to meet the rest of our group at 6 at the hotel. As a former New Yorker, I should have known better, but I grossly underestimated the subway situation during rush hour. I’d liken our position to sardines. Smelly and smooshed. We strained our ears to make out the announced names of the stops, but what I discovered about French is the following.

Words sound a LOT different than they look written out. Add in the accent…aaaand the announcements were basically pointless. As soon as we saw St. Michel we got off and walked the rest of the way. It was 6:45 by the time we arrived, gasping for air, hoping they were still waiting for us. Punctuality fail. Now a group of five, we went to get our two-day museum passes so we’d be ready to rock the next day. We picked them up at the Louvre, which was the only place open at the time (but I think most museums sell them during normal daytime hours). They cost 35 Euro and were good for almost every touristy thing you’d want to do in central Paris (and even a few things on the outskirts of town). Next thing on the agenda was dinner. We walked back to the Latin Quarter for some strolling. As a group, it’s much harder to pick places that accommodate everyone’s dietary needs. It’s just simple math. The more opinions you add in to the mix, the more difficult it becomes to please everyone’s palate.

Even people who don’t have actual restrictions (meat, dairy, gluten, whatever) still have cravings that they want to honor (not to mention foods they definitely don’t feel in the mood to eat either). And thus began the process… To-go vs. dine in options Outside vs. inside eating French vs. non-French And so it continued… For the record, three of the five of us were unable to eat dairy (although Ethel seemed to ignore this for most of the trip, so I’m not really sure about how strong of an intolerance hers is). Alene and Ashley were the easiest to appease, as they were willing to eat whatever. By contrast, I was the most limited. In the end, we kinda settled on the idea of a gyro type of place. The first one we went to didn’t have falafel, so we moved onto the next which did. We got a table in the back and ordered. I (attempted to) order a falafel gyro without tzatziki sauce and extra salsa. The rest of the girls got meat gyros (without tzatziki for the other lactose intolerant folk). When my plate arrived, I was surprised because there were fries in it.

Not the end of the world. I picked almost all of them out and then dug in (fried foods are rarely a good idea for my GI tract, especially in a foreign setting). Holy hell the salsa was hot! My mouth was on fire. In order to preserve my taste buds, I scraped off as much of the salsa as I could and forged ahead. A few bites in I tasted the falafel and immediately noted the presence of cheese. In the ball. Weird? I went back and forth in my head trying to decide if I should simply ignore this and eat the gyro anyway or not. I decided to simply remove the falafel and continue eating the gyro – now with just lettuce and tomato. My plate looked ridiculous. With the fries, salsa, and falafel on the side, there was more removed from the gyro than in it! I had to say something. As much as it pained me to take issue with a French cook (is there anything worse in life?), I deserved to eat something that I wanted. And this was not it. This was where the night started to unravel. [For entertainment purposes, the rest of this post has been both exaggerated and edited.

If you are going to leave a comment telling me I’m the reason the French hate Americans, don’t waste your breath. I agree and I am equally as embarrassed by the entire affair. So please don’t get all up in ma biz over it. M’kay? We all have times in our life that we aren’t proud of. I’m merely sharing this story because it’s a part of my travel adventure and I think other vegans can relate. And to those who will attempt to eat in not-so-veg-friendly locales – maybe you will be able to learn from my experience. Thanks.] My goal in taking my plate up to the counter was NOT to start WWIII with the French. However, my approach was greatly stunted by my inability to speak the language. “Fromage?” I said, pointing to the falafel. “No.” the man responded. Hm. Interesting.

[FYI, one worded questions don’t exactly say I’m-cool-with-your-style-of-cooking-but-just-don’t-want-to-spend-the-night-on-the-toilet] I thought how to proceed tactfully (then pushed it aside and repeated again) “Fromage?” This time he (rightfully so) looked at me like I was a lunatic and maintained his stance that there wasn’t cheese in the falafel. Certain he was wrong, I ignored his response and asked if they made a different falafel without cheese. Or at least, that’s what I wanted to ask. I’m sure my sentence actually translated to “blah blah blah cheese, blah blah blah.” However, my tone most clearly translated “hey ass hole, why are you trying to murder me with dairy.” At this point, homeboy was over my cheese questions and simply decided to walk away. As I stood at the counter with my destroyed meal and look of confused devastation, I began to get a bit upset. I was SO determined to not turn into the asshole American (but damn was it hard).

At that point a girl ordering (who seemed to be a regular customer based on her knowledge of the menu) was kind enough to inform me that there was cheese in the falafel. And she spoke French. Lightbulb! I shall use her to assist me, I thought. Five minutes later, she was gone, and I had made zero progress in my effort to get a vegan gyro. I retreated to the table and decided to make the bread basket (and beer) my dinner. The girls weren’t having that though. Ethel encouraged me to stand up for myself, and damn it, I wanted a friggin’ meal! I asked the server for a menu to reorder something different. Translation book in hand, I approached out server and said in my best French accent “I would like a salad.” Please note, it took me a solid ten minutes to put this sentence together, 8 minutes of which were spent trying to find the word for salad in the translation book (which is simply “salade” in case you were wondering). He told me he was the busboy and I should go to the counter.

[Note: he said none of that, but I guessed that was what he meant because he actually ignored me altogether] Friggin’ great. Those dudes HATED me. I stood there unacknowledged for ten more minutes, as they all spoke in French around me (most definitely about me), before I finally butted into their conversation to repeat my most amazing salad sentence (can you tell how proud I am of my mastery of the French language). I think I added in hand gestures too, because at this point I was already the American idiot, why not just complete the stereotype? Later on, I got my salad. The rest of the girls were finished with their meals at this point (obviously, since it had been almost an hour just to order mine), but I still couldn’t start mine because I had no utensils. Get the book out! How do you say fork!? Ethel bursts into laughter and shouts FOR-SHIT across the restaurant. I’m actually pretty surprised we hadn’t been kicked out at this point. We didn’t believe her, and passed the book around the table as, one by one, we all repeated the word for fork, fourchette. Can you even imagine?

I would bet my last Euro that nobody more obnoxious ever set foot in that restaurant. Flagging down the busboy was another group activity, which also took far longer than it should have. Ethel asked for a fork, but when his response was only a puzzled look, I turned to the most primitive (although highly effective) method of miming. If you thought the worst had come and gone, now you know the truth. Acting out the process of putting food in your mouth with imaginary utensils is truly rock bottom. We were repaid for this ludicrous behavior. Not only did the busboy continue to ignore us, but he then brought a fork to the table next to ours. They received the utensils with confused expressions since they were already eating (with silverware). Ethel took maters into her own hands and went to the counter and got the damn fourchette herself. I’m not even going to bother explaining how traumatic this restaurant experience was. I was both mortified and frustrated. I hate being that girl. I was trying my best to not be that girl. And yet, I was most certainly that girl. You win some, you lose some.

On the way home, we finished planning out the next day (which was interrupted at the restaurant due to all the hype around the fromage falafel and for-shit). We had an exciting day trip to Versailles on the agenda and we all agree that after the night we just had, there was no place to go but up. [Foreshadowing] When you are brought something different from what you ordered, what do you do? Whether you’ve sent a dish back or eaten it incorrectly prepared, have you ever regretted your decision or reaction? I know Gena recently touched on a similar topic , so I’m interested to hear any horror stories and how people handled them. L'Instant Fromage, Lyon - Carnot - Gailleton - Restaurant Reviews, Phone Number & Photos - TripAdvisor “Excellent cheese boards” Reviewed November 2, 2016 This is a great little place with a lively casual atmosphere. We got there early in the evening just after they opened and within half an hour, it was bustling. If you love cheese, this is the place to try a good variety. They have excellent cheese boards where you can get a selection of 5 cheeses, either your own... More Helpful?

Question: If you order fromage at a French restaurant, what will you get?
Answer: Cheese