The Source | Sep 2015 | Heavy | 495 by The Source - issuu issuu QUEENSTOWNâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S UNDERGROUND MONTHLY HEAVY THIS MONTH: THIS MONTH: Phoenix Foundation X Jazz Fest warm up Black Metal v Big Bird The Source guide to pumping iron @ CORONA _ NZ CORONA.CO.NZ IT’S HEFTY to ponder the quiet nice stuff of the world is all but impossible? Maybe it is. Maybe we need to find solace from the weight of the world through the light of heavy music, lifting heavy things or realising that our friends who really are gong through some heavy shit, are doing it with optimism and a grin on their faces. This month we do just that - we look at the heavy, the light, the easy and the hard - the balance that doesn’t just keep the world turning but us turning on it. Buckle up, this is going to get heavy. Source Out HEAVY. SOMETIMES THE WORLD IS A PRETTY HEAVY PLACE.

PEOPLE BLOWING EACH OTHER UP IN TOURIST HOT SPOTS, THE ENVIRONMENT IS SO FAR DOWN THE GURGLER THAT YOU’D HAVE TO JACKHAMMER OUT THE PLUMBING TO THROW ALL OF THE BATH WATER OUT. THE REALITY OF LIFE IN 2015 CAN SEEM PRETTY FULL ON - LIKE THE VOLUME ON EVERYTHING HAS BEEN TURNED ALL THE WAY UP TO ELEVEN. But is it really? Is it really as heavy as we make it out to be?

Or are we just so hyper informed of ‘everything’ that actually finding a quiet place EDITOR/ADVERTISING: Scott Kennedy: 021 681 959 scott@thesourceonline.com DESIGN/ADVERTISING: Tim Buckley: 027 239 0342 tim@thesourceonline.com MARKETING/PRODUCTION: Sophie Kennedy: 021 339 173 sophie@thesourceonline.com ACCOUNTS/PRODUCTION: Kirsten Young: 021 341 249 kirsten@thesourceonline.com DISTRIBUTION: Alice Conway: 021 115 2508 alice@thesourceonline.com FACEBOOK.COM/SourceNZ SNAIL: PO Box 689, Queenstown 3 PHOENIX FOU THE PHOENIX FOUNDATION IS BACK - AND DOING A LOOP ON ENZED TO DRUM UP SUPPORT FOR THEIR NEW ALBUM ‘GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS’.

The tour, which will be the band’s first national outing since the release of 2013’s Tom’s Lunch, will hit up New Zealand’s main centres and touch down in Queenstown at The Sherwood on September 26th. The band will of course be playing the new stunning psychedelic material off the upcoming album as well as some of the old favourites. With five studio albums and two movie soundtracks under their belts, Give Up Your Dreams is a shrewd and vibrant reminder that in The Phoenix Foundation’s gloriously absurd world of technicolour pop it’s the challenges you set yourself that reap the greatest rewards! Released on August 7th, The Phoenix Foundation have honed their skills on this album, self-producing the entire record for the first time in an 4 LIVE MUSIC outing that is driven by optimistic vibes and an infectious rhythmic sound. The lead single Mountains is a superb example of this new focus on the rhythm section, emphasised through the addition of drummer Chris Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Connor.

Never ones to sit still, the band have also been busy teaming up with the Garage Project on another creative venture.Music and beer are two great bedfellows and with The Phoenix Foundation and Garage Project both being born and bred Wellingtonian outfits, a partnership to collectively give up their dreams with the creation of New Zealandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s finest craft draught was just good sense. More details on this exciting collaboration will be coming soon. The prog-indie sextet have established themselves as firm favourites among local fans with their innovative, experimental sound and hypnotic live show - this one is not a gig to be missed. Tickets available through Under The Radar from thephoenixfoundation.co.nz. 5 The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. Erma Bombeck OUNDATION By ALICE CONWAY HE AIN’T HEAVY studying, working twelve hour shifts for the emergency services, slowing down wasn’t really an option. Until it had to be. His reality now is that going for a 20 minute walk has to be followed by a 45 minute rest.

So many of the things that we take for granted in this natural playground, a quick walk up Queenstown Hill or a couple of hours up the mountain aren’t really viable options for him unless he’s happy with the feeling of his legs being full of lead and dragging his body through the treacle that is the air that surrounds him. That’s fatigue. That’s heavy. There are myriad other physical, psychological and cognitive symptoms that can go along with MS. It does affect the central nervous system after all. But fear not my Queenstown friends, it is manageable and each person will figure out their own balance. With fatigue being such a common occurrence, proper scheduled rest is key. So put your feet up, take a load off and let’s all lighten up. MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS IS AN AUTOIMMUNE DISORDER AFFECTING THE CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM WHERE THE BODY’S IMMUNE SYSTEM ATTACKS THE PROTECTIVE COATING AROUND YOUR NERVE FIBRES. THIS CREATES LESIONS WHICH DISRUPT THE MESSAGES SENT FROM YOUR BRAIN TO VARIOUS PARTS OF YOUR BODY.

WHAT THAT MEANS IN REAL LIFE, WILL VARY FROM PERSON TO PERSON, THE CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM CONTROLS EVERYTHING, SO DEPENDING ON WHERE THE LESIONS ARE, SYMPTOMS CAN MANIFEST IN DIFFERENT WAYS. One symptom that is extremely common in MS sufferers is fatigue. It’s also one of those things that everyone thinks they can relate to. Everyone’s had a heavy night or two in Queenstown haven’t they? Smashed it too hard up the mountain, didn’t you? To give you an idea, take a look at #MSin5words on Twitter. “Sandbags tied to my limbs” “Feels like swimming in glue” “Body, get out the way” That last one is from my brother. Diagnosed about five years ago, he pretty much ignored it for the first two years. Having always been extremely active, playing rugby, For more info on MS, symptoms and how to manage them go to the MS Society of New Zealand’s website or the Otago Multiple Sclerosis Society’s website 6 7 The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it - and sometimes three.

Heraclitus Dan Pauly builds these guest cottages, playhouses, garden sheds and saunas from reclaimed wood and scavenged materials. The small, asymmetrical buildings have a long slanted roof, crooked chimney and charming front window with built-in flower box. Each cabin is designed by Pauly and his company The Rustic Way to a standardised design. Look out for The Rustic Way on Facebook ART FRONT ROOM 2015 EVENTS Here is a calendar of events currently scheduled for the next few months. If you would like to get involved please get in touch.

SEP 4 - 24 PARA MATCHIT PRESENTED BY TOI O TAHUNA SEP 25 - OCT 14 WHS INTERSCHOOL DESIGN COMP WINNERS SEP/OCT UPFRONTSESSION #11 - SPEAKERS TBC NOV 13 - DEC 9 LAURA SHALCROSS PRESENTED BY TOI O TAHUNA DEC 11 - JAN 13 CHARLIE MILLER PAINTER JAN 15 - FEB 17 INDY ARTIST FEB 19 - FEB 29 THE SOURCE COVERS SHOW MAR 3 - MAR 30 SOPHIE MELVILLE PAINTER APR 1 - MAR 28 LIAM TE NAHU PRESENTED BY TOI O TAHUNA UP FRONT PRESENTERS: We are always keen to hear your stories. If you have something you’d like to share, please let us know and we’ll introduce you to your fellow speakers. Slides, music, video, sculpture - we’re keen to hear from you.

YOUR SHOW If you are an artist, photographer, sculptor or artisan and you’d like to show your work at the Front Room, please get in touch with: leigh@fluid.co.nz 10 Memorial Street, Queenstown. 03 442 6739 FB: Front Room Queenstown 8 I did all my heavy partying before I turned sixteen. Cameron Diaz 9 By ANDY PATERSON BLACK METAL > You may bury your head in the sand like some kind of big bird, Big Bird but the fingers of death still reach for you. Forget the primary colours, the easy laughs, the major key ear-worms of mainstream entertainment and face your fears in a cathartic orgy of noise and sweat. Pop music is mere placebo. Heavy Metal is a psychic enema. Good guys wear black, Big Bird, so don ye now your dread apparel and reclaim the accoutrements of death, the skulls and spikes and bullet belts! Metal both embraces death and laughs in its face. It’s camp, tribal theatre, a ritual exorcism. It has never been cool and it has always been ugly but Heavy Metal became a monster because it battles with monsters.

It’s no coincidence that Metal vocals are either tortured screams or guttural roars. Metal is angry and defiant. Rage, fear and death itself are sacred states, revered and reviled, worshipped and defiled, treated with both awe and contempt. The moshpit is a Danse Macabre where you are a Viking berserker, high on fly agaric and drunk on battle, screaming into the abyss as the abyss screams back. Now watch out for the stage-diving 7ft canary. HEAVY METAL. DON’T LIKE IT? YOU’RE WRONG. HERE’S WHY: LIFE IS DARK AND FULL OF WASPS. BIRTH IS A TRAUMA WE SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES TRYING TO RECOVER FROM. THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN BEING DRAGGED, UNASKED AND UNWILLING, INTO THE HORROR OF CONSCIOUS EXISTENCE IS THE DEVASTATING DISCOVERY THAT OUR LIVES WILL ONE DAY BE TORN AWAY FROM US AGAIN. Perhaps you are old enough to remember the episode of Sesame Street after the death of Mister Hooper.

Children all over the world stare in frozen horror, watching Big Bird’s fragile innocence shatter as his friends explain that ol’ Mister Hooper is dead and he ain’t never coming back. ‘What... never?’ asks Big Bird, voice trembling, tears welling in his ping-pong eyes. NO, HE’S DEAD. Get a grip, Big Bird! There ain’t no heaven and there ain’t no hell. We live in a godless void and Mister Hooper is NEVER COMING BACK. And death is coming for you too, Big Bird! How will you live with that? Drink? Drugs? A meaningless string of anonymous sexual encounters? Worthless distractions! 10 11 Carrying a grudge is a heavy burden. As you forgive, you will feel the joy of being forgiven. Henry B. Eyring BIG BIRD THE SOURCE GUIDE TO By BETHANY G. ROGERS LIFTING HEAVY STUFF very loudly. Sing along. This will facilitate a private gym session. Mix it up. Because it’s really obvious when you regularly miss leg day. Unless you want to look like Pop-eye, then eat canned spinach instead of doing leg work.

Each of your routines should have one push exercise, one pull exercise, one leg exercise and a core exercise: Leg - Squats, Deadlifts or Lunges Push – Bench Press, Overhead Press or Dips Pull – Inverted Rows, Pull Ups, or Chin Ups Core – Reverse Crunches, Hanging Knee Raises or Planks (YouTube can give you a demo of how to and not to do these) To start off, do five repetitions of one exercise. That’s one set. Rest between each set and do three sets of each exercise. The weights should be taxing, tissue boxes don’t count. Ditch the Dominos. You can’t outtrain a bad diet. The Source cannot be held accountable for any misadventures as a result of this article, which we mostly made up. Ignore all the advice above and get a personal trainer. WANT TO LOOK TONED? GAIN A LITTLE BIT OF MUSCLE? SHAKE OFF THAT BASEMENT-DWELLING NERD LOOK? Lifting weights is a good way to keep fit that doesn’t involve getting overly red faced and sweaty; jumping up and down like an idiot; or trying to jog while loud-mouthed strangers shout quotes from Forest Gump.

Here’s our beginner’s guide to lifting heavy stuff: Find a gym with a good free weights section. Picking up random heavy objects found in the street could get you arrested for theft. Avoid the machines. Recent research suggests that they may be trying to take over the world, so contact should be avoided. They also only work isolated muscle groups, you’re more likely to injure yourself and you’re not getting a full body work out. Apart from the static bike. He’s a reasonably friendly machine and you’ll need to warm up. Do ten minutes of 30 second sprint, 30 second easy. Increasing the blood flow to your muscles prepares your body for the workout and primes the nerve-to-muscle pathways so you’ll have a better quality workout. Play the soundtrack from Rocky 12 get to our Facebook page and get posting for what you think is the Tattoo Of The Month! 45 Camp St QT - 155 K Rd AKL - 3/62 Ricc Rd - CHCH 13 Some people are born to lift heavy weights, some are born to juggle golden balls.

Max Beerbohm TATTOO OF THE MONTH QUEENSTOWN ROCKS DEAR DEER building guitars and drums that resonate like speaking in tongues in the Pentecostal church of rock and roll. The songs unfold like a melodic psychedelic symphony, the tap of the conductor replaced with the crash of cymbals, the guttural rumble of fuzz and the cut glass harmonics of delayed reverb. Songs stretch as long as they need to - 10, 15 minutes. Ditching verse/chorus, the songs build, grow, live and die in symphonic movements, growing, folding, falling and flying. A projected accompaniment that overlays the music in the visual manifestation of the music, completes the sensory assault. Or something. Whatever. You decide. ROCK. POST-ROCK. POST-POSTROCK. COURIER-POST-ROCK. FENCE-POST-ROCK. ROCKROCK. LABELS IN MUSIC ARE DANGEROUS. ONE PERSON’S POP IS ANOTHER’S PAP, DRILLING DOWN INTO GENRES, SUB GENRES AND SUB-SUB-GENRES IS BEST LEFT TO STONERS AND MUSIC BLOGGERS.

New to the Queenstown music scene is a band that falls someplace deep within one of those oh-so-hard to define genres. Dear Deer is the collective musical musterings of Joe Cowie (Killer Seas, Little Massive), Derek Smith (Whurl, Moist, Versificator) and Scott Kennedy (Versificator, DA/NG). Anthemic rock and roll symphonic weirdness, quiet / loud / very quiet / very loud / even louder. Whirling Dervishes channeled through fuzz pedals and tube amps. Drums pounding out a melodic manifesto that screams in your ear “I Love You’ as loud as it can, layered on top of the thunder of dual guitars heavy petting to the rhythm method. Occasional vocals that come out more like tonal harmonies, a counter melody to the din of 14 TY NO LI UR S NE EA TO SON DA PA Y SS NEW TRAILS FOR THE BEST SEASON EVER OPENING For more info go to skyline.co.nz/queenstown/mtb My optimism wears heavy boots and is loud.

Henry Rollins GE ARROWTOWN SPRING ARTS FESTIVAL DATES: 17TH - 20TH SEPTEMBER LOCATIONS: ARROWTOWN BUCKINGHAM STREET AND SUPPORTING VENUES AROUND THE AREA Combining a wide range of different arts based workshops from drawing and painting to sculpting and theatre, there is something to get everyone creative and inspired, the tutors offer the opportunity for people to learn new skills in your chosen arts field. There will be a variety of tours/dinners and drinks along with special talks. Our first special guest will be Ivan Clarke. Sign up for a free newsletter by emailing kerry@arrowevents.co.nz Come along and be part of this very special event and be prepared to learn some new and exciting skills.

See or Facebook - Arrowtown Spring Arts Festival 16 COMMUNITY 2015 QUEENSTOWN JAZZFEST DATES: 23 TO 26 OCTOBER LOCATIONS: QUEENSTOWN, ARROWTOWN, FRANKTON, GIBBSTON VALLEY Mark your diaries everyone… Jazz fever takes hold in the Queenstown district with a four day feast of cool blues, big band swing, funky R&B and contemporary jazz. There’s over 50 events featuring musicians from NZ, Australia and USA. Including pop-up performances, free gigs in cafés, bars and restaurants, outdoor community stages, ticketed concerts at the Queenstown Memorial Centre, development workshops and master classes. The Festival line-up will be announced soon and we’re told there’s gonna be some fantastic talent this year. Check out the festival page on facebook or queenstownjazzfest.co.nz 17 THE BATH HOUSE ABOUT: The Bath House sits elegantly in the afternoon sun right on the shores of Lake Wakatipu. This beachside restaurant and bar has been a Queenstown landmark since it was built to commemorate the coronation of King George V in 1911.

It was originally constructed with changing rooms for the modest swimmers of the day but has become a local favourite for tapas, freshlycooked food and of course a great selection of wines. The service is outstanding and the location is probably the best there is in or out of town. SPECIALTIES: Breakfast, lunch and really great scones. SOURCE SAYS: If you want to step away from the hubbub of downtown itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a two minute stroll along the Parade to this cosy, warm, lakeside hideaway. Opening Times: 9am - late THE BATH HOUSE Food: Full menu lunch and dinner Marine Parade, Queenstown Bookings: Possible New Zealand Music: Background P: 03 442 5625 Outdoor area: Absolute beach front unwind@bathhouse.co.nz 18 THE BUNKER ABOUT: One of Queenstown’s hard to find little gems, The Bunker is an intimate, rustic, fine dining and late night cocktail bar with a lounge-style outdoor deck. The focus is on great service in a unique rooftop location.

An old locals’ favourite, last year the bar was revamped and enlarged but still remains an intimate late night hangout. SPECIALTIES: Cocktails, fine dining, DJs. SOURCE SAYS: This is the bar with the best two barstools in town. Get in early and stake your claim. Opening Times: 5pm - 4am Food: Some of Queenstown’s finest Bookings: Recommended Music: DJs after dinner Outdoor area: Yes, with open fire THE BUNKER Cow Lane, Queenstown New Zealand P: 64 (0) 3 441 8030 info@thebunker.co.nz 19 CAN’T BELIEVE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN.. THIS IS SPINAL TAP (1984) Director Rob Reiner’s cult classic that follows the exploits of a hard rock band on the verge of extinction. Shot documentary style and capturing the ups and downs of a fictitious British group on an American tour to promote a new album, the film stars Reiner as the “Rockumentary” Director often depicted in the film alongside a quintet of make-believe band members who can’t come to terms with their rapid decline in popularity.

This is Spinal Tap delivers plenty of raw, uncensored and unintentionally hysterical exploits of 80s Rock ‘n’ Roll gone terribly awry. thumbs UP TOP10: Spring! DENSEST ELEMENTS Sunny touring missions at the Snow Farm 1. Osmium 22.59 g/cm3 4 5ngCseas a monp kick S tsroff e e- t , Q u e e n s t o w n 3 Biki ! 22.56 g/cm get your pass NOW 0 3 4 4 2 82.8 Iridium 83 Cream buns 3. Platinum 21.45 g/cm3 155 Karangahape Rd . Auckland 3 21.02 g/cm 0 9 3 3 7 04.6 Rhenium 94 thumbs DOWN Cream buns on New The TPPA - come better Zealand you can doJohn steal than letting Uncle t. your kids’ birthrigh ch traffic Traffic - way too mu O TA U TA H I 5.

Neptunium 20.45 g/cm3 6. Plutonium 19.816 g/cm3 T A T7.TGold O O19.3. Cg/cm O 3M 8. Tungsten 19.25 g/cm3 9. Uranium 19.05 g/cm3 10. Tantulum 16.65 g/cm3 20 New Mulled wine, hot chocolate and hot toddy teapots 3 - 6pm daily. 21 A 12 Church Street Queenstown 9300, NZ I associate heavy metal with fantasy because of the tremendous power that the music delivers. Christopher Lee Apres at The World Bar IS YOUR ADVERTISING WORKING HARD ENOUGH? If you’re looking to promote your business or want to get the word out about your upcoming events or gigs then call: 027 239 0342 or drop us a line tim@thesourceonline.com Let’s have a chat over a coffee and come up with a plan. Our shout.

HORRORSCOPES ARIES - Ask yourself how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black. LIBRA - The never ending search for a truth never told. The loss of all hope and your dignity. TAURUS - Believe virtually everything you read, that is what makes you more of a selective human than someone who doesn’t believe anything. SCORPIO - Dance with the dead in my dreams. Listen to their hallowed screams. The dead have ta-ken my soul. Temptation’s lost all control. GEMINI - As long as there’s, you know, sex and drugs, you can do without the rock and roll. SAGITTARIUS - In the depths of a mind insane. Fantasy and reality are the same. CANCER - in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful. CAPRICORN - You don’t have to believe in yourself to believe in what you are doing. LEO - It’s such a fine line between stupid and clever. AQUARIUS - It’s better to be hated for what you are, than loved for what you are not.

VIRGO - Pray for the end of your wide awake nightmare PISCES - Heavy is the head that wears the crown… 22 Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop. Noel Coward 23 Our ‘How To’ guide to some old favourites and a few new ones... COCKTAIL OF THE MONTH MULLED WHITE WINE From Pauline at ArtBay. Check out the new gallery on the lake front at the bottom of Church Lane. X Spring is here, kinda. That means it’s kinda warm, kinda cold and you feel like getting on the patio - in your puffer. So why not embrace the best of both seasons - tuck into a nice glass of warm mulled white wine. I know it sounds awful but it’s actually the perfect transition into the warmer months. And damn tasty.

INGREDIENTS MAKES 6-7 GLASSES 1 bottle 750ml of sauvignon blanc (preferably with spicy citrus persuasions) 5 cardamom pods 3 cinnamon quills 1 slice of fresh ginger root 10 cloves 1 lemon 2 tbsp honey ¾ cup white sugar 1 cup of water METHOD 1. Combine all ingredients bar the lemon into a medium sized saucepan. 2. Peel the lemon carefully to avoid the pith, combine along with the juice into the saucepan. 3. Bring to heat on your cooktop, but be careful not to boil (this will alter the alcohol and taste of the wine). Once there is steam rising, reduce back the heat and let warm on your cooktop for 20-30 minutes. 4. Remove from heat and strain, then serve or store for future tasting. 24 PANFORTE THIS HEAVY TRADITIONAL ITALIAN CAKE ORIGINATES IN SIENA AND GOES BEAUTIFULLY WITH ESPRESSO. KAITIME 1. Line the base of a 22cm-diameter round or 20cm x 20cm square cake tin with rice paper.

Toast the nuts in a dry pan and add to a bowl with the candied peel and flour. 2. Preheat the oven to 150C/gas 2. Blitz the figs in a food processor then transfer to a saucepan with 1 splash of booze, the honey, sugar and all the spices. Bring to the boil and simmer for 5–8 minutes, then pour onto the nut mixture. Mix well, adding a splash of booze if it’s very dry. Spoon into the tin and bake for 30 minutes. Remove from the oven and carefully press down a layer of rice paper on top. Return to oven for 10 minutes, then remove and let cool in the tin. 3. Before serving with cups of espresso, thinly slice and dust with icing sugar.

Rice paper 300g nuts, almonds, pistachios, hazelnuts 200g candied peel, chopped 75g plain flour 175g dried figs 2 good splashes of sherry or vin santo 6 tbsp honey 150g golden caster sugar ½ tsp ground cinnamon Crushed seeds from 1 tsp cardamom pods, or ground cardamom A good grating of nutmeg A pinch of ground cloves Icing sugar 25 Brought to you by our good friends at Bound The Familiar by Mark Z. Danielewski From the author of the international bestseller ‘House of Leaves’, which is an epic existential horror/suspense tale that we here at Bound rate in our top ten novels ever, comes The Familiar (Volume 1): One Rainy Day in May, the first instalment of a 27-volume novel. Yes, you read that right, 27 volumes. If it were any other author, we might scoff, but Danielewski is a rare talent who the New York Times declared “America’s foremost literary Magus’’ and if anyone is up to the task, we think it’s him.

The setting ranges from Mexico to Southeast Asia, from Venice, Italy, to Venice, California, with nine lives hanging in the balance, each called upon to make a terrifying choice. At the very heart though, is a twelve-year-old girl named Xanther who, one rainy day in May sets out with her father to get a dog, only to end up trying to save a creature as fragile as it is dangerous. The brilliant typographical methods and inventive page design/ deconstruction that Danielewski is known for are pushed to a new level of brilliance in this full colour book. Come in and start the journey and pick up a copy of ‘The Familiar’ at Bound. We will be taking orders for and stocking the forthcoming volumes which are due to be released in four month intervals. 26 DID YOU KNOW? • You see your nose at all times, your brain just chooses to ignore it. • The colder the room you sleep in, the better the chance of having a bad dream. • No two breasts are the same size, the left is usually larger than the right. • Mosquitos don’t just bite, they urinate on you after sucking your blood. • Polar bear hairs are clear, they reflect light so appear to be white.

• ‘U’ was first used as a substitute for ‘you’ by Shakespeare. • The space between your eyebrows is called the glabella. • ‘Formicophilia’ is the fetish for having small insects crawl on your genitals. • Rabbits can see behind them without turning around. 27 Honestly, I like everything, boyish girls, girlish boys, the heavy and the skinny. Angelina Jolie HUMOUR okay and starts to leave as the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells “Okay, coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!” ....................................................... A guy with a huge orange head goes in to see a doctor. The doctor says “How did you get such a huge orange head?” The guy says “Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern. A genie came out and said “I’ll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire... what is your first wish?” I said “I’d like all the money I could ever spend.” The genie went Poof! and there it was, all the money I could ever spend. Then he said “What is your second wish?

“ I said “I’d like a beautiful woman to love me, someone I could enjoy this money with.” The genie went Poof! and there she was, a gorgeous girl who immediately loved me. Then the genie said, “And what is your third wish?” and I think this is where I went wrong... I said “I’d like a huge orange head.” ........................................................... A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and one at a time lays three hundred dollar notes on the bar and says slowly: “Paint… my…house.” ............................................................... A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room people are standing in poo up to their necks. The guy says “no, let me see the next room”. In the second room people are standing in poo up to their noses. Guy says no again.

Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing in poo up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating Danish pastries. The guy says“I pick this room.” Satan says 28 14 Rees Street, Queenstown . 03 442 5382 events . community . arts . culture QUEENSTOWN’S UNDERGROUND MONTHLY come and say hi: pogmahonesirishpub NEXTMONTH: As you’ve probably gathered, The Source runs with a theme each month. Why? Just because we can. We’d also like you to know what’s coming up next month so you can join in and have your say. We’re keen to hear from artists, writers, photographers, DJs and opinionated freaks - especially if you’ve got something you want us to publish or you’ve got something you need to get off your chest. Next month’s issue flies under the banner of: “DEATH” If you’d like to contribute email us: info@thesourceonline.com 29 When Nirvana became popular, you could very easily slip and get lost during that storm. I fortunately had really heavy anchors - old friends, family.

Dave Grohl Down at the Waterfront, E GREAT LIV MENT IN A T ENTER UGBY PLUS LIVE R POGS! ACTION AT PEOPLE DOING IT COMMUNITY IF YOUR COMMUNITY PROJECT NEEDS SOME EXPOSURE, GIVE US A YELL, WE’LL ALWAYS TRY TO FIND ROOM. QUEENSTOWN ARTS CENTRE As well as the renowned Cloakroom Gallery, QAC also houses a unique group of local artists in it’s studio spaces, offers classes and even has a fully equipped ceramics studio and kiln. The Arts Centre is on the corner of Stanley and Ballarat Streets and is open every day. FB: Queenstown Arts Centre GUERILLA DRIVE IN A new location every time, matched up with an old movie and some popcorn equals a fantastic way to spend a night out. Facebook is the best way to stay in the loop: FB: Queenstown Guerilla Drive-In HAPPINESS HOUSE Drop in to their awesome Op Shop open Mon-Fri 9am-4pm. Donations always welcome and if you need a helping hand, just let them know. Help out: FB: Happiness House Queenstown QUEENSTOWN LIFE Wakatipu blog by Queenstowner Jane Guy.

Queenstown Life is like a handbook for living in the Wakatipu. Join in the discussion at FB: Queenstown Life QUEENSTOWN TRADING If you’re looking to buy, trade or sell something in the Wakatipu, this is the Facebook page for you. Crackin’ deals: FB: Queenstown Trading Queenstown.com has grown up and is now the definitive resource for getting under the skin of this enigmatic wee town: ROUTEBURN DART WILDLIFE TRUST Bring back the birdsong to the Routeburn and Dart Valleys. Controlling predators is the name of the game and it costs a lot of dosh. Donate at: 30 G.D.I. GREY MATTER SPLATTER ? SODOKU (hard) WORD WHEEL 7 1 9 8 2 3 4 4 6 1 3 9 5 7 6 2 9 T D L T O A O S O Create as many words of two letters or more using each letter only once and the centre letter in each word. Find the nine letter word. No proper nouns allowed.

Meh=14 Now We’re Farming=18 You Freakin’ Rock=22 1: Sycamore 2: D 3: Madeira 4: Lightning 5: Hand 6: 5 Miles 7: Goodbye 8: 81 9: Cuba 10: MMXIV 31 I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day. Bill Hicks NERDY QUIZ 1. What Eurasian winged-fruit maple tree is named after the Greek words sukon (fig) and moron (mulberry)? 2. What note is produced at the 5th fret of the 5th string (ie. the 2nd lowest pitched) of a conventionally tuned guitar: A; B; C; or D? 3. Funchal is the capital of which Portuguese autonomous island territory? 4. What travels at 270,000mph, is hotter than the sun and kills over 20,000 people every year? 5. Mae West said of sex and bridge “If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good (what?) 6.

A car moving at 30 miles per hour will travel how far in 10 minutes? 7. ‘God be with you’ is the full original form of which common word? 8. What is 90% of 90? 9. In which country is the Bay of Pigs? 10. What is the year 2014 in Roman numerals? WHAT’S ON SEPTEMBER SUN 30 AUG WED 2 SEPTEMBER THE FIND :: DJ Jonnie Live from 10pm POG MAHONE’S :: Dan & Jamie 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Vegan Meat Raffle Give Away 3pm // Pear of Pommes Live 9pm CATALYST QUESTION IT @ Memorial Hall: Sex & Drugs (don’t need rock ‘n’ roll?) 7:30pm GAY SKI WEEK QT FOAM PARTY @ Loco Cantina 7.30pm $30+ POL + FI @ Public Kitchen & Bar 2-5pm WINTER GAMES :: Closing Ceremony, Cardrona 3-5pm. QT Village: DJ Sinclair 3-5pm, DJ Pops 6-8pm.

Wanaka Village: Kora 8.30pm POG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Joe Cowie & Friends Official Jam Night Live from 9pm CATALYST QUESTION IT @ QT Memorial Hall. Get Yourself into the Lab – Hands On University of Otago Science Workshops 10am, The Brain on Drugs 5:15 pm, Science Mash Up 7pm, The Science of Beer 7:30 pm GAY SKI WEEK QT Skyline Cabaret Night PEAR OF POMMES @ Loco Cantina 8pm SHAY & PEARLY @ Red Rock 7.30pm MON 31 AUG POG MAHONE’S :: Freefall Duo 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Jonnie Live 9pm CATALYST QUESTION IT @ Memorial Hall: Sugar everywhere but which ones are safe to eat? 12pm Genetic Engineering – What and Who Is It Good For?

7:30pm GAY SKI WEEK QT Karaoke @ SkyCity PEAR OF POMMES @ Red Rock 7pm PETI CRIME @ Blue Kanu 7.30pm SHAY & PEARLY @ Little Blackwood 8pm THU 3 SEPT POG MAHONE’S :: Live Music 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Mojo Acoustic Trio 9pm CATALYST QUESTION IT: Ebola and Beyond 12:00 pm, Animated Science 5:15 pm, The Science of Risk 7:30 pm. QT Memorial Hall CHOCOLATE COOKING CLASS, Glenorchy General Store 6pm.

Bookings required GAY SKI WEEK QT Queer Quiz Night @ Ballarat Trading 7pm $25 TUE 1 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly 8pm AROHA STRING QUARTET St Peter’s Parish 7:30pm $25/$15 CATALYST QUESTION IT @ Memorial Hall: Get Yourself into the Lab – Hands On University of Otago Science Workshops 10:00 am, Dining in the Dark 7:30 pm GAY SKI WEEK QT Highlands Hook-Up Activity Day and A True South Dining Experience at The Rees Hotel QT FILM SOCIETY ‘A Trip to the Moon’, Dorothy Browns, 8.30pm SILKWORM @ Zephyr 11pm FRI 4 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Hair of the Dog 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Super Apres 3-9pm // Calico Live 9pm // Beau Live from 11pm GAY SKI WEEK QT Life is a Beach @ Brazz GHETTO BLASTER @ Bungalow from 8pm PEAR OF POMMES @ Pig & Wh

istle 9pm SAT 5 SEPT POG MAHONE’S :: Charlie Gibson 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Kommissar Live 9pm BOBBY & THE COCONUT Pub on Wharf @ 8.30pm 32 NO NONSENSE.

JUST GOOD TIMES POG MAHONE’S :: Freefall Band 9pm THE SHERWOOD :: Graeme James and Fairlie - tickets from undertheradar. co.nz.

THE WORLD BAR :: Super Apres 3-9pm / Calico Live 9pm / Beau Live from 11pm GHETTO BLASTER @ Bungalow 9 pm REMARKABLE THEATRE’S A Murder is Announced, Arrowtown Hall $35 / $15 SUN 6 SEPTEMBER THE WORLD BAR :: Vegan Meat Raffle Give Away 3pm / Pear of Pommes Live 9pm THE HAMILTONES @ Red Rock 8pm SHAY MUDDLE @ Public Kitchen & Bar 2-5pm SAT 12 SEPT NIGHT SKIING ENDS POG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Kommissar Live 9pm THE HAMILTONES @ Ballarat Trading 9pm THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES Sherlock Holmes QT Memorial Centre 7:30pm $45 PEAR OF POMMES @ Little Blackwood 9pm REMARKABLE THEATRE’S A Murder is Announced, Arrowtown Hall $35 / $15 VERSIFICATOR - 90s / 00s Alt Rock Classics @ Surreal 9pm MON 7 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S

 :: Dave Arnold @ 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly @ 8pm TUE 8 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Culture Vulture 9pm QT FILM SOCIETY ‘All Quiet on the Western Front’ Dorothy Browns 8.30pm WED 9 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: DJ Fish Salmon 10pm PEAR OF POMMES @ Loco Cantina 8pm REMARKABLE THEATRE’S A Murder is Announced, Arrowtown Hall $35 / $15 SHAY & PEARLY @ Red Rock 7.30pm SUN 13 SEPTEMBER THE WORLD BAR :: Vegan Meat Raffle Give Away 3pm // Pear of Pommes Live 9pm SHAY MUDDLE @ Public Kitchen & Bar 2-5pm THU 10 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Dan & Jamie @ 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Ribera Live from 9pm THE SHERWOOD :: Anika Moa ‘Queen at the Table Tour’ with SJD.

Tickets now available through Eventfinda. PEAR OF POMMES @ Red Rock 7pm PETI CRIME @ Blue Kanu from 7.30pm REMARKABLE THEATRE’S A Murder is Announced, Arrowtown Hall $35 / $15 SHAY & PEARLY @ Little Blackwood 8pm MON 14 SEPTEMBER THE WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly 8pm TUE 15 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Culture Vulture 9pm QT FILM SOCIETY ‘Beyond the Edge’, Dorothy Browns, 8.30pm SILKWORM @ Zephyr 11pm 33 Being a sex symbol is a heavy load to carry, especially when one is tired, hurt and bewildered.

Marilyn Monroe FRI 11 SEPTEMBER GAY SKI WEEK QT Once upon a time… Queenstown Memorial Hall 9pm $60 PISTOL KNIGHTS @ Ballarat Trading 9pm POL, DAVE & MARTIN @ Ballarat Trading 10pm SNOW FARM WINTER TRIATHLON WHAT’S ON SEPTEMBER WED 16 SEPTEMBER SUN 20 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Joe Cowie & Friends Official Jam Night Live from 9pm PEAR OF POMMES @ Loco Cantina 8pm SHAY & PEARLY @ Red Rock 7.30pm THE WORLD BAR :: Vegan Meat Raffle Give Away 3pm // Pear of Pommes Live 9pm THE SHERWOOD :: The Warratahs tickets from eventfinder.co.nz ARROWTOWN SPRING ARTS FESTIVAL: Go to arrowtown.com for event listings THE HAMILTONES @ Red Rock 8pm PEAR OF POMMES @ The World Bar 8pm THU 17 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Freefall Duo 9pm THE WORLD BAR ::

 Jonnie Live from 9pm ARROWTOWN SPRING ARTS FESTIVAL: Go to arrowtown.com for event listings PEAR OF POMMES @ Red Rock Tavern 7pm PETI CRIME @ Blue Kanu from 7.30pm SHAY & PEARLY @ Little Blackwood 8pm MON 21 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Dave Arnold 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Shay & Pearly 9pm PETI CRIME @ Ballarat Trading from 9pm FREEFALL DUO @ Ballarat Trading 9pm FRI 18 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Big Craic 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Super Apres 3-9pm // Calico Live 9pm // Beau Live from 11pm THE SHERWOOD :: Strange Harvest and Whurl - $10 Door Sales from 8pm ARROWTOWN SPRING ARTS FESTIVAL: Go to arrowtown.com for event listings GHETTO BLASTER @ Bungalow 9 pm PEAR OF POMMES @ Pig & Whistle 9pm TUE 22 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne 9pm THE WORLD BAR

 :: Culture Vulture 9pm PEAR OF POMMES @ Ballarat Trading 9pm WED 23 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live @ 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: DJ Fish Salmon 10pm SHAY & PEARLY @ Red Rock PEAR OF POMMES @ Loco Cantina 8pm SAT 19 SEPTEMBER THU 24 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Avalon North 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Kommissar Live 9pm ARROWTOWN SPRING ARTS FESTIVAL: Go to arrowtown.com for event listings CATALYST TALK: Has Science Replaced God?

with UK Physics Professor Dr Tom McLeish The Rees Hotel 5:30pm $5. PEAR OF POMMES @ Little Blackwood 9pm Thriller In The Chiller, QT Events Centre POG MAHONE’S :: Freefall Duo 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Ribera Live 9pm PETI CRIME @ Blue Kanu from 7.30pm PEAR OF POMMES @ Red Rock Tavern 7pm SHAY & PEARLY @ Little Blackwood 8pm FRI 25 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Triple Shit 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Super Apres 3-9pm // Calico Live 9pm // Beau Live from 11pm 34 NO NONSENSE.

JUST GOOD TIMES TUE 29 SEPTEMBER GHETTO BLASTER @ Bungalow 9pm PEAR OF POMMES @ Pig & Whistle 9pm POG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Culture Vulture 9pm SILKWORM @ Zephyr 11pm SAT 26 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Live Music 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Kommissar Live 9pm THE SHERWOOD :: The Phoenix Foundation - tickets undertheradar. co.nz WED 30 SEPTEMBER POG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live 9pm THE WORLD BAR :: Joe Cowie & Friends Official Jam Night Live from 9pm PEAR OF POMMES @ Loco Cantina 8pm SHAY & PEARLY @ Red Rock 7.30pm SUN 27 SEPTEMBER THE WORLD BAR :: Vegan Meat Raffle Give Away 3pm // Pear of Pommes Live 9pm POL + FI @ Public Kitchen & Bar 2-5pm MON 28 SEPTEMBER

Question: What travels at 270,000mph, is hotter than the sun, and kills over 20,000 people every year?
Answer: Lightning