Liberace - Biography - IMDb Biography Jump to: Overview (5) | Mini Bio (1) | Trade Mark (3) | Trivia (46) | Personal Quotes (15) Overview (5) 5' 10" (1.78 m) Mini Bio (1) Most remembered for his extravagant costumes and trademark candelabra placed on the lids of his flashy pianos, Liberace was loved by his audiences for his music talent and unique showmanship. He was born as Wladziu Valentino Liberace on May 16, 1919, into a musical family, in Wisconsin. His mother, Frances Liberace (née Zuchowski), whose parents were Polish, played the piano. His father, Salvatore Liberace, an immigrant from Formia, Italy, played the French horn. His siblings, George Liberace , Angie Liberace and Rudy Liberace , also had musical ability. Liberace's own extraordinary natural talent became evident when he learned to play the piano, by ear, at the age of four.

Although Salvatore tried to discourage his son's interest in the piano, praises from Ignacy Jan Paderewski , a famous Polish pianist, helped the young musician follow his musical career. As a teenager, Liberace earned wages playing popular tunes at movie theaters and speakeasies. Despite being proud of his son's accomplishments, Salvatore strictly opposed Liberace's preference for popular music over the classics. Pianist Florence Bettray Kelly took control of Liberace's classical training when he was 14. He debuted as a soloist with the Chicago Symphony, under the direction of Dr. Frederick Stock. At age 17, Liberace joined the Works Progress Administration Symphony Orchestra. He received a scholarship to attend the Wisconsin College of Music. In 1939, after a classical recital, Liberace's audience requested the popular tune, "Three Little Fishes". Liberace seized the opportunity and performed the tune with a semi-classical style which the audience loved. Soon, this unique style of playing the piano got Liberace bookings in large nightclubs. By 1940, Liberace was traveling with his custom-made piano, on top of which he would place his candelabrum.

He then took Paderewski's advice and dropped Wladziu and Valentino to become simply Liberace. South Sea Sinner (1950), a movie with Shelley Winters , was Liberace's film debut. He played a honky tonk pianist in the movie, which opened in 1950. In 1952, The Liberace Show (1952), a syndicated television program, turned Liberace into a musical symbol. It began as a summertime replacement for The Dinah Shore Show (1951), but after two years, the show was one of the most popular on TV. It was carried by 217 American stations and could be seen in 20 foreign countries. Sold-out live appearances at Madison Square Garden enhanced the pianist's popularity even more. Soon, Liberace added flamboyant costumes and expensive ornaments to his already unique performances. His second movie, Sincerely Yours (1955), opened in 1955, and Liberace wrote his best-selling autobiography, "Liberace", in 1972. His first book, "Liberace Cooks", went into seven printings.

In 1977, Liberace founded the non-profit "Liberace Foundation for the Performing and Creative Arts". The year 1978 brought the opening of "The Liberace Museum" in Las Vegas, Nevada, which serves as key funding for the Liberace Foundation. The profits from the museum provide scholarship money for financially needy college musicians. He continued performing until the fall of 1986, despite suffering from heart disease and emphysema during most of the 1980s. A closeted homosexual his entire life, Liberace was secretly diagnosed with AIDS sometime in August 1985, which he also kept secret from the public until the day he died. His last concert performance was at Radio City Music Hall on November 2, 1986. He passed away in his Palm Springs home on February 4, 1987 at age 67. Liberace was bestowed with many awards during his lifetime including: Instrumentalist of the Year, Best Dressed Entertainer, Entertainer of the Year, two Emmy Awards, six gold albums, and two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

In The Guinness Book of World Records, he has been listed as the world's highest paid musician and pianist. Liberace was an extremely talented and versatile man. He not only played the piano, but sang, danced and joked during his performances. In fact, one of Liberace's biggest accomplishments was his ability to turn a recital into a show full of music, glitter and personality. - IMDb Mini Biography By: Gilbert Lee Trade Mark (3) Candlelabra that he placed on his piano His Baldwin piano decorated with small mirrors. Trivia (46) His mother, Frances Liberace , played piano as did his sister, Angie Liberace . His older brother, George Liberace played the violin. At age four, Liberace could play almost any tune by ear. Classical debut was at age 14 as a soloist with the Chicago Symphony. In high school, Liberace had a musical combo called "The Mixers". As a young man, he worked the night club circuit as a pianist under the name: "Walter Busterkeys". In 1969, Liberace was named one of the five highest paid entertainers in show business.

In the 1970s, Liberace spent at least $100,000 a year on his sparkling, brocaded, diamond and jeweled costumes. Liberace's favourite song was "The Impossible Dream", because he truly mastered the art of believing. He made a dream come true. During his career, Liberace earned two Emmy Awards and five gold million best-selling albums. Successfully sued the London "Daily Mirror" in 1959 after it published an article by columnist "Cassandra" which said that Liberace was "fruit-flavoured" (gay), which he strongly denied in court and insisted that homosexuality was an "abomination". Was parodied in Al Capp 's comic strip, "L'il Abner", as "Loverboynik". Many of his pianos, cars, jewelry and costumes are on display in the Liberace Museum in Las Vegas, Nevada, a short drive from the Las Vegas Strip. Funds from the admissions to the non-profit museum go to The Liberace Foundation for the Performing and Creative Arts, which awards music scholarships.

Owned pianos previously owned by Frédéric Chopin and George Gershwin , as well as an inlaid and ormolued Louis XV desk that may have been owned by Tsar Nicholas II of Russia. His final performance was on November 2, 1986 at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. Closed his concerts with the song "I'll Be Seeing You". While born "Wladziu Valentino Liberace", he later changed his first name to "Walter", but his friends and relatives knew him as "Lee". At the insistence of Polish piano virtuoso, Ignacy Jan Paderewski , he dropped his first names and performed under his last name, only. As reported in the June 2001 issue "A&E Biography" Magazine, Liberace was so vain about his baldness that he would even go to bed wearing one of his hairpieces, even on hot nights. According to the same article, he once almost refused to have a facelift when the doctor asked him to take his toupee off. In 1976, during the height of the American Bicentennial, he once performed wearing red, white and blue hot pants.

It made headlines around the world. License plate on one of his Rolls-Royces: "88 KEYS" When he opened Las Vegas' Riviera Casino-Hotel in 1954, he was the city's highest paid entertainer. That concert was the first one where he wore extravagant costumes (He wore a gold llame jacket). According to his cook, his last meal was Cream of Wheat hot cereal, made with half and half, and seasoned with brown sugar. The episodes of the television series Batman (1966) on which Liberace guest starred as Chandel/Harry, Batman: The Devil's Fingers (1966) and Batman: The Dead Ringers (1966), were the highest-rated in the series' history. By all accounts, he got along well with the cast and crew and would play impromptu recitals at the end of each day's filming. Liberace owned a 1961 Rolls-Royce Phantom V. This car resides in the Liberace Museum in Las Vegas, and of only seven built by coachbuilder James Young that year, it is the only one with left-hand drive (the steering wheel on the American side), making it even more rare.

The entire car is covered with small mirrored tiles, and with classic horses etched into them along the running boards. When he first got the got, it had a black and gray paint job. He also had a 1950s Rolls-Royce convertible painted with an American flag design. Would often remark that he would like the viewer/audience member to "Meet my brother George". Was parodied in several Bugs Bunny cartoons. The phrase "I cried all the way to the bank!" was said to be first coined by him after he sued and won a $22,000 settlement from the London Daily Mirror in 1959. When filming a television special in England, he made a point of learning the name of all the production crew. Years later when he returned to make another show, he was still able to greet every crew member by name. Biography in: "The Scribner Encyclopedia of American Lives". Volume Two, 1986-1990, pages 533-535. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1999.

While wildly successful and good natured outwardly, Liberace was a complicated man whose political, social and religious conservatism existed side-by-side with a lifetime of secretive homosexuality. He was awarded 2 Stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for Recording at 6527 Hollywood Boulevard; and for Television at 6739 Hollywood Boulevard in Hollywood, California. Mentioned in the song "Mr. Sandman" written by Pat Ballard : "And [give him] lots of wavy hair like Liberace.". In 1982, 24-year-old Scott Thorson , Liberace's former bodyguard, limo driver, and alleged live-in lover of five years, sued the pianist for $110 million in palimony after an acrimonious split-up. Liberace continued to publicly deny that he was homosexual and insisted that Thorson was never his lover. In 1984, most of Thorson's claim was dismissed, although he received a $95,000 settlement. Shortly after Liberace's death the London Daily Mirror asked for a refund of the $24,000 libel settlement it had paid him in 1959.

excellent curmudgeonly comments by famous people, celebrity insults If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already? - - - Cynthia Heimel The male chromosome is an incomplete female chromosome. In other words the male is a walking abortion; aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples. - - - Valerie Solanos The old woman was not only ugly with the ugliness age brings us all but showed signs of formidable ugliness by birth - pickle-jar chin, mainsail ears and a nose like a trigonometry problem. What's more, she had the deep frown and snit wrinkles that come from a lifetime of bad character. - - - P.J. O'Rourke "Holidays in Hell" You slam a politician, you make out he's the devil, with horns and hoofs. But his wife loves him, and so did all his mistresses.

- - - Pamela Hansford Johnson Curse the blasted, jelly-boned swines, the slimy, the belly-wriggling invertebrates, the miserable soddingrotters, the flaming sods, the sniveling, dribbling, dithering, palsied, pulse-less lot that make up England today. They've got white of egg in their veins, and their spunk is that watery it's a marvel they can breed. - - - D. H. Lawrence, 1912 Insults about nationality Germans are flummoxed by humor, the Swiss have no concept of fun, the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight, and the Italians should never, ever have been let in on the invention of the motor car. - - - Bill Bryson In America, only the successful writer is important, in France all writers are important, in England no writer is important, and in Australia you have to explain what a writer is.

- - - Geoffrey Cottrell There have been many definitions of hell, but for the English the best definition is that it is the place where the Germans are the police, the Swedish are the comedians, the Italians are the defense force, Frenchmen dig the roads, the Belgians are the pop singers, the Spanish run the railways, the Turks cook the food, the Irish are the waiters, the Greeks run the government, and the common language is Dutch. - - - David Frost and Anthony Jay America America is a melting pot, the people at the bottom get burned while all the scum floats to the top. - - - Charlie King Americans always try to do the right thing -- after they've tried everything else. - - - Winston Churchill Americans are possibly the dumbest people on the planet. ...We Americans suffer from an enforced ignorance. We don't know about anything that's happening outside our country. Our stupidity is embarrassing. - - - Michael Moore Americans can eat garbage, provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup, mustard, chili sauce, Tabasco sauce, cayenne pepper, or any other condiment which destroys the original flavor of the dish. - - - Henry Miller America is one long expectoration.

- - - Oscar Wilde America knows nothing of food, love, or art. - - - Isadora Duncan I don't see much future for the Americans. Everything about the behavior of the American society reveals that it's half judaized, and the other half is negrified. How can one expect a state like that to hold together? - - - Adolf Hitler In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. - - - Woody Allen It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence to never practice either of them. - - - Mark Twain (about America) Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy. - - - Miles Kington Of course, America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. - - - Oscar Wilde The 100% American is 99% idiot. - - - George Bernard Shaw Their demeanor is invariably morose, sullen, clownish and repulsive.

I should think there is not, on the face of the earth, a people so entirely destitute of humor, vivacity, or the capacity for enjoyment. - - - Charles Dickens (about Americans) Argentina The Mexicans descend from the Aztecs; the Peruvians descend from the Incas; the Argentineans descend from the boats. - - - Carlos Fuentes, Mexican novelist Canada is a country so square that even the female impersonators are women. - - - Richard Brenner I fear that I have not got much to say about Canada, not having seen much; what I got by going to Canada was a cold. - - - Henry David Thoreau "A Yankee in Canada" (1853) England Britain is the only country in the world where the food is more dangerous than the sex. - - - Jackie Mason England, the heart of a rabbit in the body of a lion. The jaws of a serpent, in an abode of popinjays. - - - Eugene Deschamps English coffee tastes like water that has been squeezed out of a wet sleeve.

- - - Fred Allen "Treadmill to Oblivion" I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark. - - - Duncan Spaeth The English think soap is civilization. - - - Heinrich von Treitschke The Englishman who has lost his fortune is said to have died of a broken heart. - - - Ralph Waldo Emerson There is one thing on earth more terrible than English music, and that is English painting. - - - Heinrich Heine France The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language. - - - P.J.O'Rourke France is a country where the money falls apart but you can't tear the toilet paper. - - - Billy Wilder Germany German in the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - - - Willy Rushton Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse.

- - - Mark Twain The German mind has a talent for making no mistakes but the very greatest. - - - Clifton Fadiman You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. - - - P.J. O'Rourke "Holidays in Hell" Greece Few things can be less tempting or dangerous than a Greek woman of the age of thirty. - - - John Carne This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever. - - - Sigmund Freud (about the Irish) The problem with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, but with absolutely no talent. - - - Hugh Leonard The Japanese have perfected good manners and made them indistinguishable from rudeness. - - - Paul Theroux Russia In Russia a man is called reactionary if he objects to having his property stolen and his wife and children murdered.

- - - Winston Churchill Russians will consume marinated mushrooms and vodka, salted herring and vodka, smoked salmon and vodka, salami and vodka, caviar on brown bread and vodka, pickled cucumbers and vodka, cold tongue and vodka, red beet salad and vodka, scallions and vodka-anything and everything and vodka. - - - Hedrick Smith "The Russians" Scotland: A land of meanness, sophistry and lust. - - - Lord Byron Scotland: That garret of the earth - that knuckle-end of England - that land of Calvin, oatcakes, and sulfur. - - - Sydney Smith The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare. - - - Ed Begley, Jr. Insults about appearance A blank, helpless sort of face, rather like a rose just before you drench it with DDT. - - - John Carey A four-hundred-dollar suit on him would look like socks on a rooster. - - - Earl Long A modest little person, with much to be modest about. - - - Winston Churchill At first I thought he was walking a dog. Then I realized it was his date.

- - - Edith Massey in "Polyester" Don't point that beard at me, it might go off. - - - Groucho Marx Had double chins all the way down to his stomach. - - - Mark Twain He had a big head and a face so ugly it became almost fascinating. - - - Ayn Rand He had a winning smile, but everything else was a loser. - - - George C. Scott He makes a very handsome corpse and becomes his coffin prodigiously. - - - Oliver Goldsmith He must have had a magnificent build before his stomach went in for a career of its own. - - - Margaret Halsey He strains his conversation through a cigar. - - - Hamilton Mabie He was either a man of about a hundred and fifty who was rather young for his years, or a man of about a hundred and ten who had been aged by trouble. - - - -P.G. Wodehouse He's a trellis for varicose veins. - - - Wilson Mizner He's so fat, he can be his own running mate. - - - Johnny Carson He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

- - - Fred Allen He'd make a lovely corpse. - - - Charles Dickens Her face was her chaperone. - - - Rupert Hughes Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. - - - Woody Allen Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style. It will look ridiculous year after year. - - - Fred Allen Her only flair is in her nostrils. - - - Pauline Kael Her skin was white as leprosy. - - - S. T. Coleridge His face is livid, gaunt his whole body, his breath is green with gall; his tongue drips poison. - - - John Quincy Adams His face was filled with broken commandments. - - - John Masefield His smile is like the silver plate on a coffin. - - - John Philpot Curran His voice was the most obnoxious squeak I ever was tormented with. - - - Charles Lamb I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot. - - - Oscar Wilde I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

- - - Groucho Marx I see her as one great stampede of lips directed at the nearest derriere. - - - Noï¿½l Coward Is that a beard, or are you eating a muskrat? - - - Dr. Gonzo It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey. - - - Jeff Foxworthy Nature played a cruel trick on her by giving her a waxed mustache. - - - Alan Bennett She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - - - Groucho Marx She had much in common with Hitler, only no mustache. - - - Noel Coward She is a peacock in everything but beauty. - - - Oscar Wilde She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth - or anywhere else. - - - Elsa Lanchester She not only kept her lovely figure, she's added so much to it. - - - Bob Fosse She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin. - - - Heinrich Heine She spends her day powdering her face till she looks like a bled pig.

- - - Margot Asquith She was a large woman who seemed not so much dressed as upholstered. - - - James Matthew Barrie She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin. - - - Will Rogers She was what we used to call a suicide blonde - dyed by her own hand. - - - Saul Bellow She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitchfork. - - - Jonathan Swift The tautness of his face sours ripe grapes. - - - William Shakespeare When I see a man of shallow understanding extravagantly clothed, I feel sorry - for the clothes. - - - Josh Billings While you remain at home your hair is at the hairdresser's; you take out your teeth at night and sleep tucked away in a hundred cosmetics boxes - even your face does not sleep with you. - - - Martial, 1st Century AD (to a female friend) Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? - - - Mark Twain Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. - - - P. G.

Wodehouse Yeah, she's beautiful, but you can't find her IQ with a flashlight. - - - from "The Greatest American Hero" You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation. - - - Irvin S. Cobb A woman is just a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. - - - Rudyard Kipling A woman will lie about anything, just to stay in practice. - - - Phillip Marlowe A woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hinter legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to see it done at all. - - - James Boswell A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often. - - - Oliver Herford Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - - - John Vanbrugh The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is. - - - Helen Rowland Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one. - - - W. C. Fields Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.

- - - Rupert Hughes Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman. - - - Maryon Pearson Outside every thin girl is a fat man, trying to get in. - - - Katharine Whitehorn Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses. - - - Elizabeth Taylor Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible. - - - Margaret Mead (May 15, 1958) Insults about intelligence A brain of feathers, and a heart of lead. - - - Alexander Pope A mental midget with the IQ of a fence post. - - - Tom Waits A wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits. - - - Alexander Pope Did you eat a brain tumor for breakfast? - - - from "Heathers" Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. - - - Josh Billing End of season sale at the cerebral department. - - - Gareth Blackstock Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale. - - - David Letterman He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. - - - Abraham Lincoln He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.

- - - Robert Redford He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - - - Billy Wilder He is brilliant - to the top of his boots. - - - David Lloyd George He is so stupid you can't trust him with an idea. - - - John Steinbeck He is useless on top of the ground; he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages. - - - Mark Twain He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it. - - - Joseph Heller He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - - - George Bernard Shaw He knows so little and knows it so fluently. - - - Ellen Glasgow He loves nature in spite of what it did to him. - - - Forrest Tucker He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. - - - Groucho Marx He never chooses an opinion; he just wears whatever happens to be in style. - - - Leo Tolstoy He never said a foolish thing nor never did a wise one. - - - Earl of Rochester He not only overflowed with learning, but stood in the slop.

- - - Sydney Smith He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold. - - - John Ruskin He used statistics the way a drunkard uses lampposts - for support, not illumination. - - - Andrew Lang He was born stupid, and greatly increased his birthright. - - - Samuel Butler He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea and that was wrong. - - - Benjamin Disraeli His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons. - - - Robin Williams His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere. - - - Mark Twain His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it. - - - F. H. Bradley His mind is so open that the wind whistles through it. - - - Heywood Braun I want to reach your mind - where is it currently located? - - - Ashleigh Brilliant I wish I'd known you when you were alive. - - - Leonard Louis Levinson I would not want to put him in charge of snake control in Ireland. - - - Eugene McCarthy If he ever had a bright idea it would be beginner's luck.

- - - William Lashner "Veritas" Little things affect little minds. - - - Benjamin Disraeli Next-day delivery in a nanosecond world. - - - Van Jacobson No more sense of direction than a bunch of firecrackers. - - - Rob Wagner Please try not to be such a wiener-head. - - - Dave Barry Sharp as a sack full of wet mice. - - - Foghorn Leghorn She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit. - - - W. Somerset Maugham She is a water bug on the surface of life. - - - Gloria Steinem She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - - - Gypsy Rose Lee Stay with me; I want to be alone. - - - Joey Adams Teflon brain (nothing sticks.) - - - Lily Tomlin That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting. - - - Douglas Adams They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge. - - - Thomas Brackett Reed Useless as a pulled tooth.

- - - Mary Roberts Rinehart What has a tiny brain, a big mouth, and an opinion nobody cares about? You! - - - from "Murphy Brown" What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement. - - - Fred Allen When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? - - - David Letterman While he was not dumber than an ox he was not any smarter either. - - - James Thurber You look into his eyes, and you get the feeling someone else is driving. - - - David Letterman You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. - - - Groucho Marx A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally. - - - Oscar Wilde A great many people now reading and writing would be better employed keeping rabbits. - - - Edith Sitwell A sophisticated rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity. - - - Benjamin Disraeli Abstract art? A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.

- - - Al Capp An editor should have a pimp for a brother so he'd have someone to look up to. - - - Gene Fowler God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. - - - Mark Twain Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. - - - Fred Allen I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. - - - Groucho Marx I know of nothing more despicable and pathetic than a man who devotes all of the hours of the waking day to the making of money for money's sake. - - - John D. Rockefeller If all the girls who attended the Harvard-Yale game were laid end to end, I wouldn't be surprised. - - - Dorothy Parker If there's anything disgusting about the movie business, it's the whoredom of my peers. - - - Sean Penn In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism. They have formed their own 4-H Club - the 'hopeless, hysterical hypochondriacs of history. - - - Spiro T.

Agnew (about the press, 1970) Jazz: Music invented for the torture of imbeciles. - - - Henry VanDyke Modesty is the artifice of actors, similar to passion in call girls. - - - Jackie Gleason Nature not content with denying him the ability to think, has endowed him with the ability to write. - - - A. E. Housman Reader, suppose you were an idiot; and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. - - - Mark Twain Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it. - - - -Moses Hadas The fact that a man is a newspaper reporter is evidence of some flaw of character. - - - Lyndon Johnson This is not a book that should be tossed lightly aside. It should be hurled with great force. - - - Dorothy Parker This is one of those big, fat paperbacks, intended to while away a monsoon or two, which, if thrown with a good overarm action, will bring a water buffalo to its knees. - - - Nancy Banks-Smith (review of M.M. Kaye's "The Far Pavillions") What is art?

Prostitution. Writers are interesting people, but often mean and petty. - - - Lillian Hellman You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner. - - - Aristophanes A dork is a dork is a dork. - - - Judy Markey Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep. - - - Dennis Healy Debating against him is no fun, say something insulting and he looks at you like a whipped dog. - - - Harold Wilson Failure has gone to his head. - - - Wilson Mizner God was bored by him. - - - Victor Hugo Greater love hath no man than this, to lay down his friends for his life. - - - Jeremy Thorpe He could never see a belt without hitting below it. - - - Margot Asquith He had delusions of adequacy. - - - Walter Kerr He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. - - - Winston Churchill He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends. - - - Oscar Wilde He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.

- - - David Lloyd George He is a fine friend. He stabs you in the front. - - - Leonard Louis Levinson He is a man of splendid abilities but utterly corrupt. He shines and stinks like rotten mackerel by moonlight. - - - John Randolph He is a self-made man and worships his creator. - - - John Bright He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him. - - - Herbert Beerbohm Tree He is as good as his word - and his word is no good. - - - Seamus MacManus He is mad, bad and dangerous to know. - - - Lady Caroline Lamb He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others. - - - Samuel Johnson He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. - - - H. H. Munro He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. - - - Paul Keating He is so mean, he won't let his little baby have more than one measle at a time. - - - Eugene Field He is the same old sausage, fizzing and sputtering in his own grease.

- - - Henry James He made enemies as naturally as soap makes suds. - - - Percival Wilde He makes a July's day short as December. - - - William Shakespeare He must have killed a lot of men to have made so much money. - - - Moliere He never bore a grudge against anyone he wronged. - - - Simone Signoret He was a bit like a corkscrew. Twisted, cold and sharp. - - - Kate Cruise O'Brien He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. - - - Mark Twain He was about as useful in a crisis as a sheep. - - - Dorothy Eden He was as great as a man can be without morality. - - - Alexis de Tocqueville He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. - - - Victor Borge He was one of the nicest old ladies I ever met. - - - William Faulkner He was one of those men who possess almost every gift, except the gift of the power to use them. - - - Charles Kingsley He was so crooked, you could have used his spine for a safety-pin.

- - - Dorothy L. Sayers He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. - - - Molly Ivins He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes. - - - Fred Allen He was trying to save both his faces. - - - John Gunther He would stab his best friend for the sake of writing an epigram on his tombstone. - - - Oscar Wilde He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code. - - - Earl Wilson He's the kind of man who picks his friends - to pieces. - - - Mae West He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup. - - - Wilson Mizner He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head. - - - Margot Asquith I will always love the false image I had of you. - - - Ashleigh Brilliant I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - - - Woody Allen In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.

- - - Charles, Count Talleyrand No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's a dirty little beast. - - - W. S. Gilbert Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. - - - Oscar Wilde Ordinarily he is insane. But he has lucid moments when he is only stupid. - - - Heinrich Heine She could carry off anything; and some people said that she did. - - - Ada Leverson She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and by much the same class of people. - - - Robertson Davies She is such a good friend that she would throw all her acquaintances into the water for the pleasure of fishing them out again. - - - Charles Talleyrand She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - - - Margot Asquith She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation. - - - Jean Webster She never was really charming till she died. - - - Terence She not only expects the worst, but makes the worst of it when it happens.

- - - Michael Arlen She plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke of a channel swimmer, made her confident way towards the white cliffs of the obvious. - - - W. Somerset Maugham She proceeds to dip her little fountain-pen filler into pots of oily venom and to squirt the mixture at all her friends. - - - Harold Nicholson She should get a divorce and settle down. - - - Jack Paar She was kind of girl who'd eat all your cashews and leave you with nothing but peanuts and filberts. - - - Raymond Chandler She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers. - - - Alexander Woollcott She's been on more laps than a napkin. - - - Walter Winchell She's got such a narrow mind, when she walks fast her earrings bang together. - - - John Cantu She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees. - - - Joan Rivers She's the kind of woman who climbed the ladder of success - wrong by wrong. - - - Mae West She's the sort of woman who lives for others -- you can tell the others by their hunted expression. - - - C. S.

Lewis So boring you fall asleep halfway through her name. - - - Alan Bennett Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. - - - Oscar Wilde Some folks are wise and some are otherwise. - - - Tobias George Smolett Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee later than others. - - - Kin Hubbard Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. - - - Joseph Heller "Catch-22" That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them. - - - Dorothy Parker The finest woman that ever walked the streets. - - - Mae West The greatest thing since they reinvented unsliced bread. - - - William Keegan The triumph of sugar over diabetes. - - - George Jean Nathan The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - - - George Bernard Shaw There but for the grace of God, goes God. - - - Winston Churchill There goes the famous good time that was had by all. - - - Bette Davis Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles.

- - - Jack London You are so pure in mind and heart, In aspect, too, so mild, I wonder that you ever could Implant your wife with child. - - - Martial You had to stand in line to hate him. - - - Hedda Hopper You have a good and kind soul. It just doesn't match the rest of you. - - - Norm Papernick You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear. - - - Mark Twain You're a mouse studying to be a rat. - - - Wilson Mizner You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin. - - - Joe Orton Your idea of fidelity is not having more than one man in bed at the same time. - - - Frederic Raphael A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults. - - - Louis Nizer A steaming pile of clichés and screaming unlikelihoods. - - - Jessica Winters (about the movie Hostage) As entertaining as watching a potato bake.

- - - Marc Savlov (about the movie, Taxi) Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you. - - - Groucho Marx Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. - - - Oscar Levant Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others. - - - Winston Churchill Fine words! I wonder where you stole them. - - - Jonathan Swift From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. - - - Groucho Marx Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other. - - - Neil Simon He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him. - - - Eddie Cantor He looked as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. - - - Raymond Chandler He's completely unspoiled by failure. - - - Noel Coward He's liked, but he's not well liked.

- - - Arthur Miller Here's where we we get out the thesaurus and look up synonyms for "garbage." - - - Mike LaSalle (about the movie, Shanghai Knights) His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - - - Mae West I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest. - - - Steven Pearl I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home. - - - Groucho Marx I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight. - - - Mark Twain I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - - - Mark Twain I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here. - - - Stephen Bishop I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. - - - Clarence Darrow I never liked him and I always will. - - - Dave Clark I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

- - - Fred Allen I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion. - - - Robert Louis Stevenson I thought men like that shot themselves. - - - King George V I'll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork. - - - Irving Brecher (Marx Bros. "At the Circus") I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. - - - Groucho Marx I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial. - - - Irvin S. Cobb If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies? - - - Charles Pierce In her single person she managed to produce the effect of a majority. - - - Ellen Glascow I've had them both, and I don't think much of either. - - - Beatrix Lehmann (watching a Hollywood wedding.) Lacks thrills, narrative, emotion, believability, character development, and, frankly, watchability. - - - Aaron Hillis (about the movie, Elektra) Also ... Devotees of awful filmmaking can't go wrong with this one.

- - - Michael Wilmington (about the movie, Elektra) Pushing forty? She's hanging on for dear life. - - - Ivy Compton-Burnett Some people stay longer in an hour than others can in a week. - - - William Dean Howells Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. - - - Ashleigh Brilliant The best part of you ran down your mother's legs. - - - Jackie Gleason The characters are so flat and the dialogue so dull you expect it to be one of those movies whose existence is justified by a big final twist. But it's three days after the screening, and still no twist. Maybe it's coming in the mail? - - - Kyle Smith (about the movie, The Jacket) The gods too are fond of a joke. - - - Aristotle The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of its behind. - - - Joseph Stilwell There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - - - Jack E. Leonard They don't hardly make 'em like him any more - but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway. - - - Hunter S.

Thompson We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault. - - - Ashleigh Brilliant Well, I think we ought to let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind. - - - John Ehrlichman What you said hurt me very much. I cried all the way to the bank. - - - Liberace Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings? - - - Milton Berle Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out? - - - Groucho Marx You have delighted us long enough. - - - Jane Austen You're a good example of why some animals eat their young. - - - Jim Samuels You're a parasite for sore eyes. - - - Gregory Ratoff

Question: Which musician made the quotation "What you said hurt me, I cried all the way to the bank"?
Answer: LIBERACE