You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - Dean Martin - BrainyQuote You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Find on Amazon: Dean Martin Cite this Page: Citation Streams of Consciousness - Top 10 List - Top Ten List - Top 10 Drinking Quotes Of All Time - Booze Quotes - Dean Martin Quote - Dylan Thomas Quote - Billy Carter Quote - Tom Waits - W.C.

Fields - Ernest Hemingway - Charles Bukowski - Frank Sinatra - George Jean Nathan quote Top 10 Drinking Quotes Of All Time #10 - Anonymous "Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol." #09 - Dean Martin [1917-95] "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." #08 - Dylan Thomas [1914-53] "An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do." #07 - Billy Carter [1937-88] "Beer is not a good cocktail-party drink, especially in a home where you don't know where the bathroom is." #06 - Tom Waits [1949- ] "I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy." [Editor's Note: This quote has been widely attributed to Dorothy Parker.] #05 - W.C.

Fields [1880-1946] "Somebody left the cork out of my lunch." #04 - Ernest Hemingway [1899-1961] "Drinking is a way of ending the day." #03 - Charles Bukowski [1920-94] "There was nothing really as glorious as a good beer shit - I mean after drinking twenty or twenty-five beers the night before. The odor of a beer shit like that spread all around and stayed for a good hour-and-a-half. It made you realize that you were really alive.” #02 - Frank Sinatra [1915-98] "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." #01 - George Jean Nathan [1882-1958] "I drink to make other people interesting." User Comments - Add a Comment scay - 2007-10-21 01:24:43 the frank sinatra quote is wrong. it should read "I feel sorry for people who don't drink.

When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." otherwise it makes no sense Raven - 2007-10-21 02:40:23 Number 2 is punctuated incorrectly. It should read, "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." Anonymous - 2007-10-21 04:50:52 #2 is a mis-quote. The punctuation is wrong. It should read: "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." anonimouse - 2007-10-21 08:31:01 "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!" "And you, Madam, are ugly. But in the morning I shall be sober." Tyler - 2007-10-21 08:36:23 Anyone reading other comments before writing their own?

Cheers jake - 2007-10-21 08:42:57 i have no problem with the quote that talks about getting drunk every morning. that's my morning routine. PABST BLUE RIBBON, baby!!! Steve - 2007-10-21 08:46:13 The Frank Sinatra quote is wrong. It should read: "I drink for people who don't feel sorry. When they feel me up in the morning, that's as good as they'll wake up all day." grim - 2007-10-21 08:54:16 #6 is also wrong. He actually said "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." Where'd you get that "free" and "pre-" nonsense.

oldfart namvet - 2007-10-21 10:04:38 You forgot the Nixon years favorite: "Hold my beer and watch this" Anonymous - 2007-10-21 10:41:17 Homer Simpson: "To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems" Forgodsake - 2007-10-21 10:50:21 # Sinatra. The punctuation is quoted wrongly, it should read blah blah blah RatPackPete - 2007-10-21 13:15:06 #2 wasn't said by Frank at all, it was Dean Martins line. Anonymous - 2007-10-21 13:51:02 Oscar Wilde - "Work is the curse of the drinking classes" Thumax - 2007-10-21 14:28:16 #2 actually quotes the wrong source. Joe E. Lewis, a comedian, actually is the originator. Frank Sinatra used the line in a movie about Joe E.

Lewis's life. "The Joker is Wild" timc - 2007-10-21 20:37:57 "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin Tom Goodfellow - 2007-10-21 22:34:55 A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her - W.C. Fields Polly Sigh - 2007-10-22 11:24:50 Boy, that steve sure is smart! Gregg Schroeder of the Society of Hysterical Idealogical Trends agrees, but wants to add that we cannot forget one of the most famous quotes; "The Smoker You Drink, The Player You Get" Joe Walsh. Gator - 2007-10-22 14:17:09 "I always keep a bottle handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy." W.C. Fields buster flatts - 2007-10-25 08:27:18 Number two is backwards...

Frank was facing the other direction when he said that! Geekette - 2007-10-29 16:22:48 i like Dean Martin's quote the best.. why? i can relate with a personal experience :) Cheers everyone! Eddie Random - 2007-10-29 21:55:56 "Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets..." - From 'Arthur' as quoted by Dudley Moore. Truer words were never spoken beansie - 2007-10-30 19:33:58 "Drunkenness . . . is temporary suicide." -- Bertrand Russell Julie - 2007-11-19 11:36:20 From quite a few of the other top ten lists that I have read here, I'm not surprised that you found a quote with the word "shit" included. I am suprised that no one used "fuck" in a quote! How tame!!

Llewellyn - 2007-11-30 00:28:04 In terms of alcohol in general , it is stimulating to the mind.. those that do not drink are missing out john green - 2007-12-30 06:24:09 they missed out the winston churchill quote, so the did'nt do much research Barry - 2008-01-22 09:41:35 "Id like to hook up a vodka IV going please" Benny Hill - 2008-01-23 00:08:52 Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason--- Now I have a reason. SoberNow - 2008-01-25 02:11:58 Please we get it... the frank sinatra quote was wrong... please...go have a bottle of Jack Daniels and stop reposting the same thing everyone else already said. This is the second time someone mentioned this... where is the Jack Daniels.

ThanksDrinking - 2008-01-30 10:40:01 The Jack Daniels is over at My Personal favorite is "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut" - Ernest Hemmingway dherkes - 2008-03-07 05:04:45 I don't think that Dean Martin actually drank. It was part of his stage presence, his act. Apache24 - 2008-03-09 14:29:11 Here's to all the kisses I've snatched, and vice versa. Sean - 2008-04-05 11:38:22 The Frank Sinatra Quote is also wrong because it was a Dean Martin Joke! PS - 2008-05-13 07:18:32 Peter Griffin - " Let's drink 'til we don't feel feelings!" cypert2 - 2008-12-10 08:18:11 Another good one from Churchill.

Bernard Montgomery the WWII British general was a proud teetotlar and said "I never smoke or have a drink and I am 100% healthy." When Churchill heard this his reply was "I have a smoke and a drink every day and I am 200% healthy!" Impartial Observer - 2008-12-17 16:30:46 Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. W. C. Fields some drunk - 2009-01-02 15:05:04 Great cheers - "may all your ups and downs in life, happen in between the sheets" - not sure. Sara - 2009-01-13 22:42:33 #9, attributed here to Dean Martin, was actually said by Joe E. Lewis. Dean was quoting Joe. #2 wasn't Frank Sinatra either, but is also Joe E. Lewis, as someone else previously said. But then again, Dean and Frank were a bit more well-known then poor Mr. Lewis!

Vinay - 2009-04-05 08:37:13 "I drink to make other people interesting." ---- THE BEST! :) SO SO TRUE! :D chimeri - 2009-07-31 02:52:51 "Oh shit look out for the...."- Billy Martin chrismoose - 2009-09-24 10:54:27 Frank did say it actually...Sinatra at the Sands...live album c1965. I listen to it regularly so there. Steve33 - 2009-09-29 19:45:21 I was trying to remember the Sinatra Album that he said it on ,thanks for the info "Live at the Sands" It was however part of his act so if Dean said it then we can go to an Oscar Wilde Story Wilde said"I wish I'd said that" to which his friends replied, "You will Oscar....you will..." Sean - 2009-11-16 12:08:00 The Sinatra quote is wrong, Dean Martin said that.

mr.pussy - 2009-12-17 07:27:05 Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol." thats bob marely emanon - 2010-02-05 19:03:22 Probably the better W.C. Field's quote is "One time we were on a safari, someone forgot the corkscrew and all we had to live on was food and water". Anonymous - 2010-05-23 14:18:54 havent you guys got better things to comment on? Really!!!!!!!!! Danny Westhorpe - 2010-06-11 15:41:58 Unknown - Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." Dajax - 2010-06-26 04:57:06 The Tom Waits quote should just use frontal lobotomy. PREfrontal lobotomy ruins the rhythm of the line. Maria Dimova - 2010-07-24 01:32:21 Damn, people! you obviously dont drink! Larry - 2010-07-28 22:54:32 "Before Smirnoff, accountancy was my life." - from a Smirnoff ad poster. ElwoodBlues - 2010-08-08 19:01:00 St. Arnold, the patron saint of Brewers and Hop pickers: "through man's sweat, and God's love, beer came into the world." RByram - 2010-08-10 13:27:06 I got a bottle of wine for my wife. Good trade I think.

naaaty chauhan - 2010-08-16 00:44:09 # 2 is d best one... i love that eat it - 2010-11-01 10:32:33 '' One last drink please '' - Jack Daniel's last words Sikandar ceNNA - 2010-11-22 05:59:27 drink, drink and just drink Valerie - 2010-11-27 22:32:04 That was Dean Martin, not Frank. Skip to 4:14 Christine Asbury. - 2011-02-09 13:33:43 Dudee, seriously, shut up. i bet ya'lls breaths stink when ya'll drink. gosh. lord. ugh. OMG! dirty heffers. [: get over drinking, pendaho. SUCKERSSS BAAAAHAAAAAA.

[: 99 Bottles of - 2011-02-22 18:27:21 I can definitely say the Sinatra quote was made on track 21 (A Few Last Words aka Sinatra Closing Monologue) of "Sinatra at The Sands with Count Basie & His Orchestra" but he attributes it to "General Irving Lincoln" in the track. A good album if you want to listen to a slice of history. I suspect this was a Rat Pack phrase that was shared freely. For the grammar freaks out there, the exact phrasing he uses on the record is, "We feel sorry for people that don’t drink because when you get up in the morning that's as good as you’re gonna feel for the rest of the day.” clankityQ - 2011-02-27 01:08:51 what the hell? is everybody here an English teacher?

shut the fuck up, quit ruining it for everybody Pat - 2011-03-21 23:59:43 He who drinks gets drunk, He who gets drunk goes to sleep, He who goes to sleep does not sin, He who does not sin goes to Heaven so let's all drink and go to Heaven.

Tessa - 2011-03-27 14:48:00 Great and funny quotes, here is one of my favs: Love and alcohol are a lot alike… under the influence, you can make some pretty messed up decisions Angelina - 2011-04-28 21:24:29 Better Waits quote - "I don't have a drinking problem, except for when I can't get a drink" hamma - 2011-05-01 04:11:06 " i feel sorry for people " quote is by Dean Martin ...NOT Frank Sinatra are peoiple fukn stupid get it rite vansh 2 cool - 2011-05-16 06:34:03 u see...i am a good man! i only drink alot so that there is less booze for chidren!!! Freeway - 2011-06-23 07:35:52 I will drink until I loose my breath!!!!!!!

Anonymous - 2011-07-21 05:07:02 Some of us are very bright. A "quote" is only a "quote" when quoted verbatim. As soon as you start correcing it grammatically it is not a quote anymore. A Fan - 2011-07-22 14:17:10 "Alcohol, The Cause and Solution to All of Life's Problems." -Homer Mike - 2011-12-07 21:50:05 The guy is right. Number 9 WAS Dean Martin. And i IS screwed up. Kevin - 2011-12-08 13:38:48 i think both dean martin and sinatra's quotes are wrong, check this video: kishor - 2012-02-06 12:09:41 its true i drink jst for a forgeting da pain Gnu - 2012-07-27 04:41:33 I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink when I'm awake!

Coach 9-19-13 - 2013-09-19 17:33:12 You know you have had too much Red Wine when you order when you order another Wed Rine. Chris - 2013-09-22 10:55:14 I thought that Dean Martin said what you attribute to Frank Sinatra. Are you sure it was Frank? tintinkerouac - 2013-11-15 16:13:28 Missed a great one... I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host. -- Dorothy Parker Mark - 2014-01-19 10:09:59 I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. - George Best GranCarlos - 2014-06-11 15:11:29 ever heard? "...

the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad, So I had one more for dessert." - Mr Cash ladies and gents markis - 2014-07-07 08:06:02 For the record it wasn't Dean or Frank who said I feel sorry for those who don't drink...They both used it in their act...But it was first said by Jack Lemmon in the film Under the Yum Yum Tree. fargo - 2015-01-29 21:33:56 "Now, don't say you can't swear off drinking. It's easy! I've done it a thousand times." - W.C. Fields JimyP - 2015-02-15 07:54:28 #6 should read: "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than to have a frontal lobotomy." Period. nick7076 - 2015-02-23 17:02:56 I am not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I am a drunk, we go to parties.

Keenen - 2015-03-19 12:25:08 If your not drinking your not enjoying the fine moments in life that make drinking worth while.... The 13th Step - 2015-04-09 11:26:11 "I'm too drunk to taste this chicken." - Colonel Sanders fah q - 2015-04-11 23:16:43 the sinatra quote is actually by Dean martin #2 SLiM - 2015-09-10 22:36:51 "He who comes forth with a fifth on the forth, may not come forth on the fifth." -Mark Twain Anonymous - 2015-10-31 20:06:33 I hate people who don't drink alcohol. They sit there observing you and counting. But then I sit there counting them of how many cups of tea they drink. whats the difference. to soon old - 2015-11-06 10:05:00 You are all sober...

get off thuis page ya bunch of grammer nazie's. Anonymous - 2015-11-30 21:09:37 #2 It wasn't Frank 13:30 Dean Martin Matthew Nerz - 2015-12-05 00:39:22 Why are people CORRECTING incorrect grammar in quotes?!?! Even if the quoter cited quotee incorrectly(but, especially if they did not)? Books of the Times - NYTimes.com Books of the Times By Christopher Lehmann-Haupt Published: January 5, 1982 THE HANGOVER HANDBOOK. By David E. Outerbridge. Illustrated by Gray Jol- life. 96 pages. Harmony. Paperback, $3.95. BY this morning, most of us will probably have sobered up from New Year's Eve, when, according to a radio broadcast I heard on the eve of the Eve, three out of every five drivers on the road in the New York area were to be considered legally drunk. Still, it is not as if David E. Outerbridge's ''The Hangover Handbook'' has become in the meantime completely obsolete.

For according to that same appalling radio broadcast, on a normal weekday evening in the metropolitan area, one out of every five drivers is to be considered, for purposes of defensive driving, statutorily smashed. The state of being smashed, according to Mr. Outerbridge, who lives in Maine and works as an editor, lobster fisherman and film maker, is a condition that eventually leads to ''four basic maladies, all of which can be attended to'': 1. The presence of toxins. 2. Maladapted neurons. 3. Loss of necessary minerals and vitamins. 4. Loss of REM sleep. (REM, or rapid-eye-movement, sleep, is the vitally restorative phase of sleep.

Alcohol inhibits REM sleep.) ''Denied REM sleep, the system copes by producing dreams in the midst of the waking hours, the well-known hallucinations of pink elephants and other fantasies.'' Various Remedies The point then, if one wants to cure these four maladies collectively known as ''hangover,'' is to eliminate the toxins, ''either by trapping or metabolizing them,'' and/or to ''bring the cells back to their normal state of an alcohol-free experience slowly through the judicious use of alcohol as buffer'' (better known as taking some ''hair of the dog that bit you''), and/or to replenish the missing minerals and vitamins, and/or to ''arrange generous sleep time'' for the night follwing any overindulgence. These things can be done, insists Mr. Outerbridge. One need only select from among his many remedies. These succeed the analytical section of the book and take up half its total contents. Some of them are rather extreme.

Dean Martin recommends that the way to avoid a hangover is to ''stay drunk,'' which could be dangerous, considering that Dean Martin also once said that, ''You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.'' Many of the other remedies sound like Hair of the Dog masquerading in various disguises, from Eddie Condon's ''Take the juice of two quarts of whiskey.'' to the well-known cure of Fernet Branca, which, while it may owe its restorative powers to its being made of the extract of aloes, gentian, zedoary, cinchona, calumba, galangal, rhubarb, bryonia, angelica, myrrh, camomile, saffron and peppermint oil, also happens to have an alcoholic conten t of 80 proof. Still others may very well be effective for one practical reason or another, but it's hard to imagine even looking at them while feeling badly hung over, let alone taking the first spoonful.

In fact, anyone who is feeling the least bit queasy might do well to skip the rest of this paragraph, in which I mention such nutritional remedies as the Germans' ''Katerfruhstuck'' (herring with dill and sour cream garnish, sausages, ham, goulash soup, and a stein of beer), or the Middle Ages' cure of a raw eel and bitter almonds, or Pliny the Elder's two raw owl's eggs, taken neat, or the Roman remedy of sheep lungs, known as ''lights'' to the cognoscenti. Still other correctives, such as oxygen, sex, ginger ale, cabbage soup, a sauna, rolling in the snow, flat beer and eating well before you touch a drop, sound more or less reasonable, though even after reading Mr. Outerbridge's entertaining survey, I'm still drawn to Sleep, Quiet, Darkness and Time as the best of all remedies, though Guilt, as the author points our, ''is a wonderful and inexpensive cure.'' Something to Divert But you'll find ''The Hangover Handbook'' amusing regardless of what you are drawn to as an escape from that state that was probably most pungently described when W.C.

Fields, after a night of overindulgence, complained of an Alka-Seltzer fizzing in a glass of water, ''Can't anyone do something about that racket!'' Even if you subscribe to William F. Buckley Jr.'s prescription for the morning after - ''Don't drink the night before.'' - you'll find something to divert you, whether it's recipes that sound perfectly delicious providing one isn't hungover, or the trivial piece of news that George Washington's family estate, Mount Vernon, was named after one Admiral Vernon, whose habit of wearing a cloak of grogram during inclement weather led by a circuitous route to the nickname of the sailors' drink Navy grog. Incidentall y, Mr. Outerbridge has come up with the first plausible theory I have ever heard as to why writers tend to drink so heavily. It's simply t hat they don't have to get up in the morning and go to the office or factory.

W.C Fields | Best funny quotes about drinking alcohol - Food & drink “I've got more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” ― Winston Churchill Credit: Alamy "The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron" ― Phyllis Diller Credit: Rex “I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.” ― Frank Sinatra Credit: Alamy "I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody." ― Hawkeye from M*A*S*H Credit: Rex “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” ― Oscar Wilde Credit: Alamy “There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.” ― Willie Nelson Credit: AP “I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.” ― Mark Twain Credit: Alamy “I drink too much.

The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.” ― Rodney Dangerfield Credit: Alamy "I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass." ― David Lee Roth Credit: Getty "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." ― Dean Martin "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." ― Ernest Hemingway Credit: A.E. HOTCHNER “I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/ After three I'm under the table/ After four I'm under my host.” ― Dorothy Parker Credit: Alamy “I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.'" ― George Carlin Credit: Rex "I exercise strong self control.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast." ― W.C Fields Credit: Alamy “Here’s to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life’s problems.” ― The Simpsons Credit: Fox "I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop." ― Noel Coward Credit: Rex “I don't have a drinking problem 'cept when I can't get a drink.” ― Tom Waits Credit: AFP/GETTY "The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to." ― P.J. O'Rourke Credit: Getty “Do you drink?" "Of course, I just said I was a writer.” ― Stephen King Credit: Alamy On being called drunk: "I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly." ― Winston Churchill Credit: AP "A drunk was driving his car down a one-way street when a policeman stopped him. The cop said, 'Didn't you see the arrows?' He said, 'Arrows? I didn't even see the Indians.'" ― Tommy Cooper.

Credit: Rex "I have been instrumental in banning bottled water on the set. It hasn't gone that well with the crew... so I replaced it with tequila." ― Hugh Laurie. Credit: Eleanor Bentall “Wine can be a better teacher than ink, and banter is often better than books.” ― Stephen Fry Credit: Rex “Drink because you are happy, but never because you are miserable.” ― G.K. Chesterton Credit: Alamy Beer quotations and humor Beer Quotations and Humor. Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chamber of my brain. Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies Come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances: I am drinking ale today.

- Edgar Allen Poe ï¿½You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.ï¿½ - Adolphus Busch ï¿½Drink triple, see double, and act singleï¿½ ï¿½ Anonymous Similar to ONE BEER, TWO BEER, THREE BEER, FLOOR ï¿½Getting stoned just makes you want to eat and get fat. At least drinking too much makes you vomit which makes you thinï¿½. Earl J. Hickey ï¿½And smoking weed kills your brain cells, not like getting drunk which only hurts the liver, and you got two of themï¿½. Earl J. Hickey ï¿½Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.ï¿½ - Don Marquis "In my opinion, most of the great men of the past were only there for the beerï¿½the wealth, prestige and grandeur that went with the power." - A.J.P.

Taylor, British historian, 1984 ï¿½Whiskey and Beer are a manï¿½s worst enemiesï¿½but the man that runs away from his enemies is a coward!ï¿½ - Zeca Palomino (Brazilian song writer) ï¿½Buy a man a beer, and he wastes an hour. Teach a man to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.ï¿½ - Charles Papazian "Beer he drank - seven goblets. His spirit was loosened. He became hilarious. His heart was glad and his face shown." - from the Epic of Gilgamesh, 3000 B.C. ï¿½If you resolve to give up smoking and drinking, you donï¿½t actually live longer; it just seems longer.ï¿½ - Clement Freud. ï¿½Thereï¿½s nothing like good food, good beer, and a bad girl.ï¿½ - Harvey Allen ï¿½And God said, ï¿½Let there be beer!ï¿½ And He saw that is was good.

Then God said, ï¿½Let there be light!ï¿½ And then He said, ï¿½Whoa-too much lightï¿½.ï¿½ - Frank Varano ï¿½Beer may not solve your problems, but neither will water or milkï¿½ - Wiley ï¿½The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far, but we will walk carefullyï¿½ - Russian Proverb. ï¿½On some days, my head is filled with such wild and original thoughts that I can barely utter a word. On other days, the brewery is close.ï¿½ - Frank Varano ï¿½Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.ï¿½ - Arnold Schwarzenegger ï¿½Donï¿½t bother trying to join the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. It turns out they are apparently against all three.ï¿½ - Wiley ï¿½Women and drink.

Too much of either can drive you to the otherï¿½ - Michael Still "A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it's better to be thoroughly sure." ï¿½Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fireï¿½ - David Wallace ï¿½Who does not love beer, wine, women, and song remains a fool his whole life.ï¿½ - Carl Worner ï¿½Men can go wrong with wine and women.

Shall we then prohibit and abolish women?ï¿½ "A little bit of beer is divine medicine." ï¿½Paracelsus, Greek physician ï¿½Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happyï¿½ - Benjamin Franklin ï¿½An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools.ï¿½ - Ernest Hemingway "It was a natural as eating and to me as necessary, and I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking beer"- Ernest Hemingway "The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober." - Yeats ï¿½You canï¿½t drink all day if you donï¿½t start in the morning.ï¿½ On label of Founder's Breakfast Stout ï¿½The human intellect owes its superiority over that of the lower animals in great measure to the stimulus which alcohol has given imagination.ï¿½-Samuel Butler ï¿½When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.ï¿½ ï¿½Francois Rabelais "Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire" -David Rains Wallace "

 Beer is a wholesome liquorï¿½..it abounds with nourishment" ï¿½Dr.

Benjamin Rush ï¿½There is no strong beer, just weak menï¿½ - Dan Castellaneta. "I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night" ï¿½Benjamin Franklin "I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks." ï¿½Joe E. Lewis ï¿½History flows forward on rivers of beer.ï¿½ Anonymous "I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." - Winston Churchill ï¿½When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.ï¿½ ï¿½ Dave Berry ï¿½Wow, itï¿½s like Iï¿½ve died and went to heaven. But then they realized it wasnï¿½t my time yet. So they sent me to a brewery. ï¿½ Peter of Family Guy "Hereï¿½s to alcohol, the cause of-and solution to-all lifeï¿½s problems".

ï¿½ Homer Simpson "I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be epended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer." ï¿½ Abraham Lincoln "Beer is a wholesome liquorï¿½..it abounds with nourishment" ï¿½Dr. Benjamin Rush "I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night" ï¿½Benjamin Franklin "You can never buy beer; you just rent it" -Archie Bunker ï¿½Smithers, this beer isnï¿½t working. I donï¿½t feel any younger or funkier.ï¿½ - Mr. Burns of Simpsons ï¿½Beer will change the world. I donï¿½t know how, but it willï¿½ - sign on streets of New York "The sum of the matter is, the people drink because the wish to drink." -Rudolph Brand "Bart, a woman is like a beer.

They look good, they smell good, and youï¿½d step over your own mother just to get one."- Homer Simpson "On victory, you deserve beer, in defeat, you need it."-Napoleon "The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find whoï¿½s drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck." ï¿½ Warwick Frank "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."-Lady Astor to Winston Churchill "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it" -Churchillï¿½s reply "People who drink light beer donï¿½t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot" Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI "Itï¿½s better to drink beer and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit."ï¿½ ï¿½.Steve Taylor "Lifeï¿½s too short to drink cheap beer" -Anonymous ï¿½Iï¿½m going to buy a boatï¿½ do a little traveling, and Iï¿½m going to be drinking lots of beer!ï¿½ - John Welsh, a

 bus driver who won $30 million in New York Lottery.

"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." - W. C. Fields "Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world" - Kaiser Wilhelm "When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer." -Dave Barry "I think this would be a good time for a beer." (upon signing the New Deal, paving the way for the repeal of Prohibition) - Franklin D. Roosevelt "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that.

It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." - Unknown "Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them" - Queen Victoria ï¿½When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.ï¿½ ï¿½Francois Rabelais The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid." Richard Braunstein "Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say, "I'm thirsty, not dirty". Joe Lewis "I told the stewardess liquor for three." - "Who are the other two?

- "Oh, there are no other two." Sean Connery (as James Bond) "Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire" -David Rains Wallace "I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer." -- Brendan Behan ï¿½I drink to make other people interesting.ï¿½ ï¿½ George Jean Nathan ï¿½Work is the curse of the drinking classï¿½ ï¿½ Oscar Wilde The problem with some people is that when they are not drunk, theyï¿½re sober.ï¿½-William Butler Yeats. "Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen ï¿½Always do sober what you said youï¿½d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.ï¿½ ï¿½ Ernest Hemingway ï¿½One martini is all right.

Two are too many, and three are not enough.ï¿½ ï¿½ James Thurber ï¿½What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?ï¿½ W.C. Fields ï¿½Let no man thirst for good beer.ï¿½ ï¿½ Sam Adams In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. -Benjamin Franklin ï¿½There canï¿½t be good living where there is not good drinking.ï¿½-Benjamin Franklin ï¿½The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.ï¿½- George Bernard Shaw "We could not now take time for further searche or consideration: our victuals being much spente, especially our beere." - Logbook entry on the Mayflower, December 16, 1620 "Reality is an illusion caused by a lack of good beer." "Sir, youï¿½re drunk!" Yes, Madam, I am.

But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly." ï¿½Lady Astor and Winston Churchill "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." -Humphrey Bogart ï¿½The answers to lifeï¿½s problems arenï¿½t at the bottom of a bottle. Theyï¿½re on TV.ï¿½ Homer Simpson--- "Beer , if drank with moderation, softens the tempter, cheers the spirit, and promotes good health.ï¿½ ï¿½ Thomas Jefferson ï¿½Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.ï¿½ ï¿½Dave Barry ï¿½Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer.ï¿½-Frederick the Great ï¿½Beerï¿½.

a high and mighty liquor.ï¿½- Julius Caesar ï¿½If a life of wine, women and song becomes too much, give up singing.ï¿½-Mark Schiess ï¿½Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didnï¿½t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, ï¿½It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true, than be selfish and worry about my liver.ï¿½ - by Jack Handy ï¿½I feel sorry for people who donï¿½t drink. When they wake up in the morning, thatï¿½s as good as theyï¿½re going to feel all day.ï¿½ - Frank Sinatra "It only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember whether it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." - George Burns "You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline.

It helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but a the very least you need a beer."- Frank Zappa "Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini..." - Mae West ï¿½Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence?ï¿½ - Stephen Wright "A psychologist once said that we know little about the conscience - except that it is soluble in alcohol." - Thomas Blackburn "Beer will get you through time of no money better than money will get you through times of no beer." - Freddie Freak "After drinking four Martinis, my husband turns into a disgusting beast. And after the fifth, I pass out altogether." - Anonymous "One more drink and I'd have been under the host." - Dorothy Parker "Beer has food value, but food has no beer value.' "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it.

At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." - Jeff Foxworthy "I'm not so think as you drunk I am !" - John Squire "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder." "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." - Tom Waits "If love makes the world go around, then whisky makes it go around twice as fast!" - Compton Mackenzie "You're not drunk unless you can lie on the floor without holding on !" - Dean Martin ï¿½A woman drove me to drink and I didnï¿½t even have the decency to thank her.ï¿½ - W.C. Fields ï¿½Beer makes you feel as you ought to feel without beer.ï¿½ Henry Lawson, Poet and writer. "We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink" -Epicurus "Beer is a wholesome liquorï¿½it abounds with nourishment" ï¿½Dr.

Benjamin Rush " Give my people plenty of beer, good beer and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution" ï¿½Queen Victoria "I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion" -Miguel De Cervantes " There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better." -Stephen Morris "The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer" ï¿½Ancient Egyptian Wisdom " Let us drink for the replenishment of our strength, not for our sorrow" -Cicero " No, sir: There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern or inn." ï¿½Samuel Johnson " Beer, if drunk with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health" ï¿½Thomas Jefferson " Beer does not make itself properly by itself.

It takes an element of mystery and of things that no one can understand." ï¿½Fritz Maytag ï¿½When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading !!!ï¿½ - Henny Youngman "I'm sorry honey, I can't hear you without a beer in my hand" - Over 1 million husbands. ï¿½When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, letï¿½s all get drunk and go to heaven!ï¿½ - Brian Oï¿½Rourke ï¿½Itï¿½s not about drinking 6 or 7 or 8 beers- itï¿½s about enjoying the one you have in your hand.ï¿½Jeff Murdock, bon vivant and local philosopher - interviewed at the BRBP summer 2005 Just to be clear - What I said was. Beer is God, Music is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy and Springsteen is a profit.

ï¿½ Mark Schiess -3/20/08 Indianapolis, Prior to the concert. Woody, the bartender: How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson? Norm: Poor. Woody: Oh, Iï¿½m sorry to hear that. Norm: No, I mean ï¿½pour.ï¿½ - Dialogue from an episode of the TV show Cheers ï¿½You donï¿½t have to wait 2000+ years for a second beerï¿½ - Top reason why beer is better than Jesus. ï¿½Recently I quit beer. My doctor seems to think that 17 beers per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off beer yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.ï¿½ - Scott Adams Let’s Toast To These 70 Classic Quotes About Drinking | Thought Catalog Let’s Toast To These 70 Classic Quotes About Drinking Flickr / Henry Burrows 1. There comes a time in every woman’s life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.

—Bette Davis You can learn a lot about a woman by getting smashed with her. —Tom Waits I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. —Dorothy Parker One more drink and I’ll be under the host. —Mae West Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy. —Frank Sinatra Work is the curse of the drinking classes. —Oscar Wilde Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life. —George Bernard Shaw Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer. —W. C. Fields In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria. —Benjamin Franklin I like whiskey. I always did, and that is why I never drink it. —Robert E. Lee You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. —Dean Martin Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right. —F. Scott Fitzgerald 13. I know I’m drinking myself to a slow death, but then I’m in no hurry. —Robert Benchley 14. I began to think vodka was my drink at last.

It didn’t taste like anything, but it went straight down into my stomach like a sword swallowers’ sword and made me feel powerful and godlike. —Sylvia Plath I drink to make other people more interesting. —Ernest Hemingway Next to music, beer was best. —Carson McCullers Here’s to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life. —F. Scott Fitzgerald When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. —Henny Youngman 19. The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober. —William Butler Yeats Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. —Ogden Nash 21. Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we’re not poets. —Dudley Moore 22. You put three girls in a house, and all of a sudden before you know it, you’re talking about boys and drinking whiskey, and things go down and you get deep real quick. —Katie Aselton 23. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

—Winston Churchill Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy. —Gotthold Ephraim Lessing 25. Liquor is the chloroform which enables the poor man to endure the painful operation of living. —George Bernard Shaw 26. When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place. —Jimmy Breslin 27. I see that a man cannot give himself up to drinking without being miserable one half his days and mad the other. —Anne Bronte War and drink are the two things man is never too poor to buy. —William Faulkner I am more afraid of alcohol than of all the bullets of the enemy. —Stonewall Jackson 30. There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others. —Raymond Chandler 31. It’s like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice. —Jim Morrison 32.

I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it. —Mark Twain 33. I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me. —Hunter S. Thompson 34. An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men. —Charles Darwin 35. That is the remarkable thing about drinking: it brings people together so quickly, but between night and morning it sets an interval again of years. —Erich Maria Remarque 36. When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument. —C. S. Forester

Question: Which US singer said, "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on?"
Answer: Dean Martin