Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde - BrainyQuote Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Find on Amazon: Oscar Wilde Cite this Page: Citation Bigamy Is Having One Spouse Too Many. Monogamy Is the Same | Quote Investigator Bigamy Is Having One Spouse Too Many. Monogamy Is the Same Erica Jong? Oscar Wilde? Robert Webster Jones? H. L. Mencken? Anonymous? Dear Quote Investigator: As a single person I enjoy the following joke about bigamy. Here are two versions: (1) Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same. (2) Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. The first has been attributed to the best-selling novelist Erica Jong, and the second has been credited to the famous wit Oscar Wilde. I haven’t been able to find this remark in the works of Wilde. Are these ascriptions accurate?

Quote Investigator: In 1973 Erica Jong published a scandalous blockbuster titled “Fear of Flying” and the first chapter used the following as an epigraph: 1 Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same. —Anonymous (a woman) Note that Jong did not credit herself indicating that the joke was already in circulation. QI has found no substantive evidence that Oscar Wilde wrote or said this joke. The variant using “wife” instead of “husband” does have a long history. In 1922 the book “Light Interviews with Shades” by Robert Webster Jones included a quip that displayed several points of similarity including the use of matching vocabulary terms “bigamy” and “monogamy”: 2 They say bigamy means one wife too many; but so does monogamy sometimes. Precursor jokes on this theme were being disseminated by 1841 as shown below. QI believes that the modern quip evolved from these antecedents. Here are additional selected citations in chronological order. In 1841 a prose portrait titled “The Greenwich Pensioner” was included as a chapter in a book published in London.

The fictional pensioner employed a jest comparable to the one under investigation though it did not use the words bigamy or monogamy. Boldface has been added to excerpts: 3 He is not very brilliant in his conversation on these occasions, for it runs invariably upon his many wives, and their few virtues; for, although he is such a polygamist himself, he lays it down as law, and profanely adds, as gospel too, that every man takes one wife too many whenever he is such a fool as to marry the first.

In 1885 “The Australian Journal: A Family Newspaper of Literature and Science” printed the following item on a page dedicated to humor: 4 “Mother, what’s a Mormon?” “A Mormon, son, is a person who has more wives than one.” “Then I don’t think there is any danger of pap bein’ a Mormon.” “Why, son?” “‘Cause I heard him say this mornin’ when he was goin’ out of the house that he found one wife too many for him.” In 1897 the book “Reflections of a Bachelor” included a compact instance of a similar joke though it did not use the word monogamy: 5 Lots of men who aren’t bigamists have one wife too many. In 1898 the “New-York Observer” printed a precursor jest in dialog format: 6 “Alfonso,” said Mrs. Midas, “here is a heading in this paper that says ‘Had One Wife Too Many.’ The rest of the article is torn off.

How many wives do you think the brute had?” “One, probably,” was Midas’s prompt reply.—(Detroit Free Press In 1916 “Our Paper” published by a Massachusetts reformatory printed a similar joke that used the word “bigamist”: 7 “One wife too many!” exclaimed Mrs. Wederly, as she glanced at the headlines of her husband’s paper. “I suppose that is an account of the doings of some bigamist?” “Not necessarily, my dear,” replied her husband, without daring to look up. In 1922 the book “Light Interviews with Shades” contained an instance of the quip as noted previously in this article: They say bigamy means one wife too many; but so does monogamy sometimes. An even closer match to the modern joke was published in “The Literary Digest” of New York in 1929 with an acknowledgement to a London periodical: 8 Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy, in certain instances, is the same thing.—London Opinion. In 1942 H. L. Mencken placed the saying in his massive dictionary of quotations, but he did not specify an originator.

In September 1942 “The Reader’s Digest” reprinted the saying and acknowledged Mencken’s tome: 9 10 Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Author unidentified In 1969 “A Treasury of Humorous Quotations” compiled by Herbert V. Prochnow and his son attributed the gag to Oscar Wilde. This was the first linkage to Wilde known to QI: 11 Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Oscar Wilde In 1970 a newspaper in Omaha, Nebraska ascribed the saying directly to H. L. Mencken: 12 Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.—H. L. Mencken In 1973 Erica Jong employed the variant joke with “husband” as an epigraph in her novel “Fear of Flying” as noted previously: Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same. —Anonymous (a woman) In conclusion, the quip evolved over decades and early instances were anonymous. The connection to Oscar Wilde was unsupported. H. L.

Mencken included the quip in his compilation of quotations; hence, he helped to popularize it, but he did not craft it. Erica Jong used a variant in her most popular novel; hence, she also helped to popularize an instance of the expression. Image Notes: Illustration of Elkanah and his two wives returning to Ramah; cropped image via Wikimedia Commons. Oscar Wilde; cropped image; Boston Public Library Flickr; Lithographer: John H. Bufford & Sons; Composer: Carl Uschman. Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license via Wikimedia Commons. Reduced resolution cover of novel Fear of Flying; fair use illustration. (Thanks to the anonymous individual who inquired about this saying.) Notes: 1973, Fear of Flying by Erica Jong, (Epigraph of Chapter 1), Holt, Rinehart and Winston, New York. (Verified on paper in 3rd printing July 1974) ↩ 1922, Light Interviews with Shades by Robert Webster Jones, Chapter 1: Bluebeard Tells Why He Killed Wives, Quote Page 18, Published by Dorrance & Company, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

(Google Books Full View) link ↩ 1841, Heads of the People: Portraits of the English Drawn by Kenny Meadows with Original Essays by Distinguished Writers, The Greenwich Pensioner by Edward Howard, Start Page 348, Quote Page 350 and 351, Published by Robert Tyas, Paternoster Row, London. (Google Books Full View) link ↩ 1885 June, The Australian Journal: A Family Newspaper of Literature and Science, Volume 20, Fun and Fancy, Quote Page 580, Column 1, Melbourne, Australia. (Google Books Full View) link ↩ 1897, Reflections of a Bachelor by P. W. (Post Wheeler), Quote Page CLXI (161), J. S. Ogilvia Publishing Company, New York. (Google Books Full View) link ↩ 1898 October 6, New-York Observer, Odds and Ends, Quote Page 463, Column 2, New York.

(Google Books Full View) link ↩ 1916 September 9, Our Paper, Volume 32, Sense and Nonsense, Quote Page 444, Column 2, Massachusetts Reformatory, Concord Junction, Massachusetts. (Google Books Full View) link ↩ 1929 June 22, The Literary Digest, The Spice of Life, Quote Page 62, Column 1, Funk & Wagnalls, New York. (Unz) ↩ 1942, A New Dictionary of Quotations on Historical Principles from Ancient and Modern Sources, Selected and Edited by H. L. Mencken (Henry Louis Mencken), Quote Page 765, Column 1, Alfred A. Knopf. New York. (Verified on paper) ↩ 1942 September, The Reader’s Digest, Volume 41, The Cynic Looks at Marriage, Quote Page 108, The Reader’s Digest Association. (Verified on paper) ↩ 1969, A Treasury of Humorous Quotations: For Speakers, Writers, and Home Reference, Compiled by Herbert V. Prochnow and Herbert V.

Prochnow Jr., Topic: Bigamy, Quote Page 35, Harper & Row Publishers, New York. (Verified with scans) ↩ 1970 November 23, Omaha World Herald, So They Said, Quote Page 30, Column 2, Omaha, Nebraska. (GenealogyBank) ↩ Oscar Wilde's quotes and one-liners Quotations from plays. Oscar Wilde's wit ∇ Oscar Wilde Born Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie, on 16th October 1854, he died on 30th November 30, 1900. His mother Jane was a poet, while his father, Sir William Wilde, was prominent Irish surgeon. Both parents were prolific authors so it was no surprise that he inherited such literary talent. One can only guess how he delivered his quips, but we can be sure that they gained extra power from Oscar Wilde's own delivery of his pithy wit. My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - The unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

We have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written. But what is the difference between literature and journalism? Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all. America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing. Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. Who, being loved, is poor? I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself. New Oscar Wilde Quote After being lost for over 120 years, this Oscar Wilde quote turned up in the cover of an old book: 'One can exist without art, but one cannot live without it.' Oscar Wilde's Wit From the above quotes, clearly Oscar Wilde was not a stand-up comedian.

Instead of jokes, what you find amongst Oscar Wilde quotes are witty one liners and repartee, for example: A pompous speaker who had a great opinion of himself gave a long after-dinner speech. He then made the mistake of turning to his neighbour on the top table, who happened to be Oscar Wilde, and asked, 'How would you have delivered that speech?' Under an assumed name', came the reply from Oscar Wilde. What surprises Will and Guy is when we track down a witticism, I find that the source was an Oscar Wilde quotation, or a character in one of his plays. For example: Work is the curse of the drinking classes. or: An Extra Batch of Oscar Wilde's Witticisms Will and I tried to select ten of Oscar Wilde's best, and most witty quotes. The reason that we failed that our opinion changed from one day to the next. It was just so difficult to leave out any of his quotes, they all have a place where they sum up a situation succinctly. This is why we have stayed with this long list of witty sayings. A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. A poet can survive everything but a misprint.

I am not young enough to know everything. I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. A true friend stabs you in the front. All art is quite useless. Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. As yet, Bernard Shaw hasn't become prominent enough to have any enemies, but none of his friends like him. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her. Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. Illusion is the first of all pleasures. All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling. ...(v3r) It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly. There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Now that the House of Commons is trying to become useful, it does a great deal of harm. The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. Life imitates art far more than art imitates Life. It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame. The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything. America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. There is no sin except stupidity. It is only the modern that ever becomes old-fashioned. A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want? Only the shallow know themselves. Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. He hadn't a single redeeming vice. A pessimist is one who, when he has a choice of two evils, chooses both. Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.

(School for Scandal was written by Sheridan not Oscar Wilde) Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works. Genius is born - not paid. Oscar Wilde's Statue While I knew that Oscar Wilde was buried in France, I was surprised to find a statue to the great man in Dublin's Archbishop Ryan Park. It looks just like a modern day dandy posing on a rock. His last resting place is now the Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris, France. Will reports that Oscar's tomb in Père Lachaise, Paris was designed by sculptor Sir Jacob Epstein. When Will was there he could not find an traces of lipstick that others report seeing on Oscar Wilde's tomb. Oscar Wilde's Quotes Sent in by Readers The basis of optimism is sheer terror. (Barry W) If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

(Lorraine J) 'One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.' (Jerry P) Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event. (Darius H) The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated. (John M) To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable. (Edith J) Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made. (Jane K) I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again. (Maggie B) ...(videVfl2) I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying'. (Oscar Wilde!!) The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. (Another from Oscar Wilde!) I never travel without my diary.

One should always have something sensational to read in the train. (Sara W) If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. (Sara W) See more Irish quotes. Life is far too important to be taken seriously. (Sara W) A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. (Jeremy T) To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity. (Tony K) One's real life is often the life that one does not lead. (Ken H) The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated. (Doris K) I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world. (Isfan K) I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

(Shivangi) The Importance of Being Earnest The Picture of Dorian Gray Lady Windermere's Fan A Woman of No Importance The Ballad of Reading Gaol The Duchess of Padua Oscar Wilde's Downfall Back in 1891 homosexuality was illegal and Oscar formed an illicit relationship with Lord Alfred Douglas (known as 'Bosie'). They probably would have got away with it if Oscar had not sued Bosie's father for libel. As always, the truth is an absolute defence to libel, therefore Oscar lost his case. Worse was to follow when the police felt they had to take an interest; after all homosexuality was illegal, and Oscar's activity was now public knowledge. It was a forgone conclusion that his prosecution for 'Gross indecent acts' would lead to conviction and a goal sentence resulted. Even in prison he continued to exercise his literary skill and wrote 'De Profundis' A book about his relationship with 'Bosie', also the famous 'The Ballade of Reading Gaol'.

Then as As Oscar was standing in handcuffs in the rain, waiting to be taken to Reading Gaol after his court conviction, he was heard to say: "If this is how Queen Victoria treats her prisoners, then she doesn't deserve to have any." After Oscar Wilde was imprisoned, his wife Constance changed her name to Holland. She felt it best to move abroad where she was less likely to be recognised and humiliated. Oscar Wilde Rises Again In July 2009 there was an unlikely twist to the Oscar Wilde saga, Paolo Gulisano, L'Osservatore Romano, the Vatican newspaper, now says that Wilde was much more than "an aesthete and a lover of the ephemeral". He had been "one of the personalities of the 19th century who most lucidly analysed the modern world in its disturbing as well as its positive aspects", Gusilano wrote. This was a surprising turn of events, because while Oscar Wilde converted to Catholicism on his deathbed in 1900, during his lifetime he had written many acerbic words about the church, for example: Religion? The fashionable substitute for belief.

I sometimes think that God, in creating men, somewhat overestimated his ability. When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. Recommended Site - Married Dating UK - Illicit Encounters® - Extra marital affairs and dating 1 member likes this comment. 882867-Deleted - 27 Apr, 2015 - 07:31PM Read 'After 25 Years' by Natasha Jordache. It uses genuine texts with an ex-boyfriend who comes to find her years after he left her, and they have an affair - while her husband knows. Although it's a novel she makes a powerful argument for polyamory and honesty at the end. I totally agree - which is why my other half knows I'm on IE: "Historically, marital alliances were intended to preserve power and wealth, produce legitimate heirs and, with luck, to last for the duration of child-rearing before disease or decrepitude took their toll. Few anticipated being sexually active in their fourth or subsequent decades. In 12th and 13th century Europe, passionate extramarital affairs, unsullied by the tedious realities of harsh daily life, were de rigueur.

Romantic, emotionally led and sexually exclusive relationships were regarded as incompatible with the serious, economically managed business of matrimony." Just as then, marriages may run their course and become great business arrangements. Monogamy? P 3 members like this comment. 991481-DELETED - 26 Apr, 2015 - 09:09AM Wasn't it Oscar Wilde who said that "bigamy is having one wife too many - a bit like monogamy". Desperately few people only ever have one sexual partner. Relationships, marriages etc might be one to one, but sex is primarily for fun. It's the glue for homo sapiens to keep the tribes together. The reproduction bit is ancillary. Raquel12 - 23 Apr, 2015 - 12:47PM Soupçon is right. It's all to do with our biological build. We as homosapiens can choose not to procreate (I didn't) and enjoy sex recreationally, but that doesn't remove the traits of what we were biologically programmed to do. Our instincts still work that way, even if our minds have decided to take a different path.

5 members like this comment. loreal - 22 Apr, 2015 - 11:35PM Forgot to thank science! loreal - 22 Apr, 2015 - 11:32PM @Soupcon. With all due respect, "Survival of the fittest" most of the guys Iv met on here couldnt even date me, never mind impregnate me! Thank heavens for "Mother Nature". 6 members like this comment. 978156-Deleted - 22 Apr, 2015 - 03:51PM You going soft Soupçon, sorry? Lol... 1 member likes this comment. Soupçon - 22 Apr, 2015 - 01:06PM Sorry Silent Disco, you are missing the point but of course, our views on having/not having children have to be respected, that is our choice.

Every living being on earth lives to procreate but because we as homosapiens can enjoy sex recreationally without producing offspring, it doesn't remove the primeval drive we are designed to fulfil - to spread the seed and multiply, survival of the fittest is what brought us to where we are and for thousands of years, human kind had no idea what monogamy was. (read Jeff79179's comments below)... thanks Jeff, I too have the same excuse for being on IE :o) 6 members like this comment. Silent Disco - 21 Apr, 2015 - 08:44PM No I don't agree Soupcon. I know lot's of women who either didn't want children initially (me included), or made the choice not to have them ever. Where do they stand in your wisdom, or do they not factor? 5 members like this comment. Lainey56 - 21 Apr, 2015 - 07:25PM Bigamy is having one husband too many - so is monogamy. 6 members like this comment.

Soupçon - 21 Apr, 2015 - 06:02AM Monogamy is a state of mind, not a state of being. It goes completely against the grain of natural existence (male of species spreading his seed to ensure continuation of their lineage, female of the species ensure they produce the strongest offspring possible will engage with multiple partners). Monogamy requires work. If we continue to pretend it’s natural, it’s easier to be led down the path that often leads to infidelity. 3 members like this comment. MidnightRed - 20 Apr, 2015 - 07:30PM LucyLastic - If your lucky enough like I was 2 years ago to find a unhappy married man 'newbie' on here who'd never cheated or had an affair before, it is possible. Finding another like that is very challenging I must say, especially when wolves are about. All I will say is when you experience a grown up man and exclusive affair, no games, no sharing and no silliness, you realise boys were never for you. I might strike lucky again one day, I'm ever the optimist. 7 members like this comment.

Teicu - 20 Apr, 2015 - 05:53PM Ali24141 completely agree. I am sure, well I would hope there are a lot of monogamous IE relationships in here. 3 members like this comment. 992147-Deleted - 20 Apr, 2015 - 05:09PM Sorry, missed out 'usually refers to one spouse at a time not one lover' and as for catching sexually transmitted diseases, never trust any partner when it comes to your own sexual health, use protection, simples 4 members like this comment. 992147-Deleted - 20 Apr, 2015 - 04:59PM Monogamy is having one SPOUSE at a time, not one lover... Anything is possible but as to whether it's realistic is quite another thing. 3 members like this comment. Ali24141 - 20 Apr, 2015 - 12:10PM I think you can have an illicit monogamous relationship through this site. Most aren't getting any sex at home, that is why they join IE.

3 members like this comment. Raquel12 - 20 Apr, 2015 - 11:41AM Perhaps BeautifulFlower means being serially monogamous, which makes sense and I agree. If you're cheating on someone, may it be with one person only. Other than that, it doesn't make sense being on a site such as this one, especially because she says she's married on her profile. Or else, she's one of those who join the site just to have a go at cheating married people. I have read that some do, having this purpose in mind. Not a place to 'fix' anyone, sorry. 3 members like this comment. 992147-Deleted - 20 Apr, 2015 - 11:07AM Perhaps BeautifulFlower means an exclusive affair as it applies to a relationship with someone off here. It's good to dream............either way, how can there be an expectation of exclusivity/monogamy with anyone who is already clearly not a believer in either concept by the very fact they're on here.... 2 members like this comment.

Kryptoneye - 19 Apr, 2015 - 08:40PM And not just BeautifulFlower, a few have said about being Monogamous or wanting it, not a very good site to join for that is it? 4 members like this comment. 851006-DELETED - 19 Apr, 2015 - 07:58PM @ Lady Leona..... I was wondering exactly the same, what brings Beautiful Flower to a place like this...? 1 member likes this comment. Lady Leona - 19 Apr, 2015 - 07:46PM Sooooo Beautiful Flower, what brings you here? 2 members like this comment. BeautifulFlower - 19 Apr, 2015 - 07:28AM Monogamy has many advantages: the sex can be better (because it is about real intimacy, not athletics) the mutual support is better, you don't catch STIs, you live longer. It's the pure ideal. 3 members like this comment.

844979-Deleted - 18 Apr, 2015 - 06:58PM Interestingly there have been 3 pieces in pieces in major publications this week reference affairs and the Internet sites involved this being one of them. It's now become profilic with another one heading the UK way. 1 member likes this comment. 978820-DELETED - 18 Apr, 2015 - 06:37PM Quick men the coast is clear, the boys are watching Arsenal play! PureHeartedGirlTee - 18 Apr, 2015 - 05:25PM Haha ww77 could be referring to any number of comments! 4 members like this comment. 888680-DELETED - 18 Apr, 2015 - 02:52PM I have no idea whether you are cringing at me WW77...I shall try not to care WhiteWitch77 - 18 Apr, 2015 - 12:55PM Cringing...

Have you ever been in the company of friends, but someone has brought along an outside male friend. He's one of those men who try to be funny and think your really into him the more he goes on, when all your thinking is please let him just leave early, or I will. Sometimes a gag is good, other times men need to be gagged, or have there gag removed too. 6 members like this comment. 757566-Deleted - 18 Apr, 2015 - 12:28PM According to The Economist 57% of men and 43% of women are promiscuous 2 members like this comment. 888680-DELETED - 18 Apr, 2015 - 11:58AM Monogamy is imposed by society against human instinct. Human instinct in both men and women is not be monogamous - we continually find new potential partners attractive. Mainstream thinking is that society is more robust when built around monogamous family units. However for an individual there is an instinct to cheat.

Its almost game theory to say that the ideal is for others to be monogamous but for the individual to cheat...plus its often more fun! 1 member likes this comment. Tennisstar - 18 Apr, 2015 - 02:36AM Tiedyeninja... You've tumbled me! Nuts! Life can be such a Beech... I shall have to spruce up my pitiful veneer of humour for next time! 1 member likes this comment. 977109-DELETED - 17 Apr, 2015 - 09:50AM Tennisstar, was there a serious point under the thin veneer of humour, or are you just having a larch? Samtoday, in Spain, they call a "six pack" a "chocolate block", which always seemed like a much more laudable goal to me! "The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People" by Barash and Lipton is an interesting read - even species though to mate for life seem to have a single social partner, but multiple sexual partners once you start genetically testing their offspring! 5 members like this comment.

811755-DELETED - 17 Apr, 2015 - 09:40AM I suppose if someone had amazing sex and real love/intimacy with her husband and vice versa, the question of being monogamous would not be an issue. In this day and age, Monogamy is challenging with so many temptations around if you are lacking something or are bored in your current relationship. 4 members like this comment. 757566-Deleted - 16 Apr, 2015 - 07:49PM Monogamy works for some I would have said the opposite of what the letter writer said and that infidelity is condemned far more than it was in the past and in the past we were far more accepting of human nature Edward VII was shagging every actress and prostitute he came across without public comment while Charles gets condemned for one illicit affair, though only one indiscretion can be a greater emotional betrayal.

President Kennedy was having relations with 5 married women to the Knowledge of the US secret service and they admit that they weren't aware of all his relations while Clinton got hounded by the media for an 'inapprpiate relationship' where she didn't inhale 3 members like this comment. 957471-Deleted - 16 Apr, 2015 - 12:27AM Monogamy definitely works for some.....personally I admire someone who has absolutely no interest in sampling the delights of another and remains faithful to their partner - hasn't happened to me. However I do notice that as I have matured I have been less likely to look around for someone else the way I used to - I do still enjoy the excitement of meeting new faces still but less emphasis on sex 4 members like this comment. Samtoday - 15 Apr, 2015 - 11:40PM I only try planks at the gym but I'm still a bit thick, don't know why. Maybe I should go for mahogany planks, but they are too expensive.

Having said that, they are also used to make 'flat packs' which is what I am aiming for, although I do not want a six pack. 5 members like this comment. Tennisstar - 15 Apr, 2015 - 09:46PM Mahogany isn't dead... We've been through periods where light pine and beech were all in fashion although I used to hate the ridiculous looking wooden dishes people would put in their houses after ripping up the living room carpet. I think that time is on the wane. There has been some right cheap imitation but good Mahogany I think is timeless given the correct situation... Although, quite what that has to do with mistresses and affairs generally, I have no idea. 7 members like this comment. SuperblyVivacious - 15 Apr, 2015 - 05:46PM Ah the modern institution of marriage, so passionately fought-over by activists across the country if not the world, it is a historical anomaly that has never been taken seriously in the past, and sadly is unlikely to work in the future...

594217-DELETED - 14 Apr, 2015 - 11:25PM @mistinthesea: Just noticed that "domestic boredom" is an anagram of "demotic bedrooms" - ie. folks are all at it.. Good thread, peeps 2 members like this comment. mistinthesea - 14 Apr, 2015 - 10:01PM "when you look into an abyss the abyss looks into you".... interesting Nietzsche...hmmm... food for thought, sure. Jeff79179 - 14 Apr, 2015 - 06:36PM In nature, some species mate for life and some don't. In previous human civilisations (e.g. The Romans) there didn't seem to be any need for monogamy, so I don't think we are a naturally monogamous animal. For some reason monogamy seems to have been invented around 2000 years ago because someone wrote a book, the meaning of which has, perhaps, been taken too literally.

Western society is based on those 10 Christian values, so although killing and stealing is still viewed as being wrong, we seem to be changing our ideas on coveting our neighbour's wives/husbands. We used to die of old age at 45, so it seems that medical science has leaped so far ahead of evolution that we're just not ready to be with just one partner for 50 or 60 years. That's my excuse for being on IE anyway !!! 3 members like this comment. 851006-DELETED - 14 Apr, 2015 - 05:23PM Its okay folks... @ Ali24141 & sferena ... I agree with you.... I am not trying to rock any letter " boats "... so to speak... but too much navel gazing is not always good for the mental health... It reminds me of a saying by Nietzsche.... "when you look into an abyss the abyss looks into you".... so I was hoping for some light-hearted topics... some times.... just a thought.... 1 member likes this comment.

MintChocChip - 14 Apr, 2015 - 04:23PM I think this site is primarily a boredom killer, seems so many are using it as a chat forum, me included. But occasionally you do meet one that's worth meeting and an affair blooms. I know some very rich men who use this, and other sites to kill boredom. Success, money, happy family doesn't give them everything, in fact they seem to have too much time on there hands and this can lead to unhappiness. We all come from all walks of life, have different reasons for being here. Get out and live is what I say, don't rely on meeting that one elusive person on here, Live! 7 members like this comment. Ali24141 - 14 Apr, 2015 - 04:10PM @inhellbern2011 For some folks, the letters page is the only place they can truly vent their thoughts and feelings. 4 members like this comment.

sferena - 14 Apr, 2015 - 02:21PM inhellbern It's not about 'protesting too much' or over finding justifications for being here. That's the topic, we are discussing it. It's inevitable to over analyse things sometimes, it doesn't mean we are crucifying ourselves for being on here. It just happened that the last three topics are overlapping each other. I can see your point somehow but that's the nature of infidelity. We still have qualms about it because it's highly frowned upon, so we discuss it on sites such as this one. No one is beating themselves about it. 3 members like this comment. 851006-DELETED - 14 Apr, 2015 - 01:52PM Having read yet another letter, around the issues of marriage (...monogamy in another name...), and the justifications for being on IE, makes me wonder if some people are "protesting too much"..... we all have our reasons for being here.... so why try to convince oneself that it is really okay to be on IE.... live with the choice... and have no regrets....

or psychologically it's going to burn you up in a hell of your own making.... so let's stop questioning ourselves and finding justifications for being on here... just quietly accept it....and live with the lie....and enjoy the moments.... 7 members like this comment. 985212-DELETED - 14 Apr, 2015 - 12:49PM I believe in the Bosman Ruling 3 members like this comment. mistinthesea - 14 Apr, 2015 - 11:43AM If there wasn't so much pressure in us to get married, we would have detected the fact that marriage is boring just by looking at our parents. Actually, I had a good family life and my parents were together forever, until my Mum passed away. He misses her terribly, so I believe it was genuine love. I knew my Mum was bored, many times. She was oppressed by my father who loved her deeply but it was his way of showing love, it was how he was brought up to be in his culture. I was honestly able to see through all this, yet I wanted to get married because it was highly expected of me.

I wasn't that young when I got married- in my early 30s, so I thought I was more than ready to settle down. Wrong! I still ended up on here. I never wanted to be with just one man for the rest of my life. I can be passionate about whom I am with but once it becomes routine and turns into domestic boredom, I feel like opening my horizons and meeting new people, embracing a new passion. Life renews itself and I can love two, yes! 5 members like this comment. Ali24141 - 14 Apr, 2015 - 09:27AM Further to my earlier post, l was monogamous during my two long term relationships. During my five year IE thing, l never strayed either. As l said, it was the idea of marriage l was against, not commitment. 1 member likes this comment. Sleepwalk - 14 Apr, 2015 - 08:00AM And no I'm not contradicting myself with my first post. Although I didn't cheat on my IE, it's not to say I wouldn't had if we'd had years together and a domestic home life together.

I am not a domestic life/wife kind of woman, that is the reason I seek sanctuary here. 2 members like this comment. tilly47 - 13 Apr, 2015 - 11:43PM As someone who has been married twice in a 50 year period I now know that I no longer believe marriage is a true workable partnership...just my view! lgb MACPHERSON - 13 Apr, 2015 - 11:13PM Monogamy? Isn't that what we celebrate in Scotland every 31st of December? :) 5 members like this comment. LoveisaStranger - 13 Apr, 2015 - 10:14PM We have monogamy windows but I'm thinking of getting uPVC double glazed ones in the near future. 3 members like this comment. LadyEloise - 13 Apr, 2015 - 09:32PM Monogamy is not a natural state, it should never have been invented.

973931-DELETED - 13 Apr, 2015 - 09:19PM Passion fuels sex and overrides obstacles, when one wanes, the obstacles become more powerful. So if passion ends so does sex. Passion is the originator of but not the sustainer of log term relationships. So if females do leave relationships because of a lack of sex and passion this perhaps reflects a superficial understanding of what constitutes a relationship in the first place (same for males). Of course a lot of cheaters don't want to end their long term relationships they just want a passionate on the side thing. Maybe we need better methods to sustain passion over long term? Is this possible? 1 member likes this comment. justtalking - 13 Apr, 2015 - 08:31PM If I were single I'd be in monogamous relationships maybe serially so but still faithful, I'd end things before seeing someone else. The only reason I've cheated is because a marriage is much harder to break free from , especially as kids are involved . 2 members like this comment.

961986-DELETED - 13 Apr, 2015 - 08:17PM Divorce costs are not that much..forva straight forward divorce with no other baggage is about £1,000.00 max may be less. Its the finances and child care maintenance that takes the rest and your responsible up until the age of 18 may be 21 if they go on to further education. If I knew what I knew now, I wouldnt have married. I was a very active girl sexually when I was younger and these last few years I have not had much which has been hard to deal with. I have cheated twice with two great guys and I have had encounters with others if I didnt I would regret it as we all have needs. I think the society we live in, and the way things are nowadays some have open relationships. Ive tried this conversation a dead end so cheat I do for the moment but I cant see me staying much longer to be fair but I wont marry again thats for sure...cause im going to need a lot of convincing otherwise. What a topic! 1 member likes this comment.

Ali24141 - 13 Apr, 2015 - 07:53PM I never had any desire to be married. Even as a child l wasn't keen on even playing make believe! As a young adult, even though l got engaged once, l didn't really feel comfortable with being 'legally tied' to anyone. Disclaimer: Legally tied is MY perception of what marriage means...don't diss me for it! 2 members like this comment. 986192-DELETED - 13 Apr, 2015 - 05:49PM Monogamy can get pretty boring what with Go Straight to Jail, Do not Pass Go. And it is only any fun when you make lots of money out of other people landing in your hotels. Have I missed something? 3 members like this comment. 978156-Deleted - 13 Apr, 2015 - 05:46PM Just another thing to add - I was brought up to believe in marriage and the family life, in fact it was expected of me.

When my children grow up I won't be doing the same, they will be free to learn and make there own way in life, I don't even expect grandchildren, if they choose not to get married and have them then that is there choice, not mine. Be free and flourish, be happy. 2 members like this comment. silver fox junior - 13 Apr, 2015 - 05:27PM It's an interesting and complicated subject. As the letter implies ellicit activity has been around since Adam... although interestingly in the old covenant all the main players had many wives which most church leaders in the west conveniently forget. As the Christian straight jacket emerged so did the monogamy culture. Forbidden fruit and the temptations that go with it could never be suppressed however. Desire is a very powerful emotion indeed. Actually I think god made a huge mistake in making sex so wonderful!! Yep he should have toned it down folks!! 1 member likes this comment. 992147-Deleted - 13 Apr, 2015 - 05:19PM Monogomy: one spouse at a time....

Sure, I can do that, my spouse or your spouse or her spouse, there's enough days in the week, weeks in a year to practice :-)) 6 members like this comment. safeport - 13 Apr, 2015 - 04:57PM Monogomy ( And its sister concept marriage)is a cultural concept created by organised religion and endorsed and supported by the state to ensure a society of self regulating family units which helps maintain social and economic stability conducive to raising children.Free for all polygamy would be so chaotic it would create a society that would be ungovernable and uncivilised and unstable (Probably) Its certainly not a natural state of mind, especially for males and its widely disregarded especially in other cultures. I have long held the view that marriage is too easy to get into and too difficult to get out of, when really it should be the reverse. 11 members like this comment. Samtoday - 13 Apr, 2015 - 04:27PM Eternal monogamy is unnatural, but it's a way of organising society. It's an institution, aka marriage.

It 'works' because we need to build the foundation of Christian society, as we know it. Psychologically, it comes as a part of our egos, as it's based on possession and exclusivity, animalistic feelings that naturally start from childhood - jealousy is something to tame and re-educate. However, realistically, marriage has an expiry date, like everything. It's just that some people can't see that because they have other issues to work on and they suppress their sexual needs. On the other hand, monogamy CAN exist, as long as it's not imposed on us forever. It’s more than a passion killer, it is soul killing. No matter what morals say- if you are not meant for monogamy, it will destroy you. 8 members like this comment. sferena - 13 Apr, 2015 - 02:37PM “We drove to the hotel and said goodbye. How hypocritical to go upstairs with a man you don't want to fuck, leave the one you do sitting there alone, and then, in a state of great excitement, fuck the one you don't want to fuck while pretending he's the one you do. That's called fidelity.

That's called monogamy. That's called civilization and its discontents.” ― Erica Jong, Fear of Flying “Confusing monogamy with morality has done more to destroy the conscience of the human race than any other error.” ― George Bernard Shaw 12 members like this comment. 990040-DELETED - 13 Apr, 2015 - 02:16PM In my book,

Question: Which writer said ‘Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same’?
Answer: Oscar Wilde