Turtle Submarine - Inventor David Bushnell < Continued from page 2 Updated August 10, 2016. The first American submarine is as old as the United States itself. David Bushnell (1742-1824), a Yale graduate, designed and built a submarine torpedo boat in 1776. The one-man vessel submerged by admitting water into the hull and surfaced by pumping it out with a hand pump. Powered by a pedal-operated propeller and armed with a keg of powder, the egg-shaped Turtle gave Revolutionary Americans high hopes for a secret weapon - a weapon that could destroy the British warships anchored in New York Harbor. Turtle Submarine - Use as a Weapon The Turtle's torpedo, a keg of powder, was to be attached to an enemy ship's hull and detonated by a time fuse. On the night of September 7, 1776, the Turtle, operated by an Army volunteer, Sergeant Ezra Lee, conducted an attack on the British ship HMS Eagle. However, the boring device that was operated from inside the oak-planked Turtle failed to penetrate the target vessel's hull.

It is likely that the wooden hull was too hard to penetrate, the boring device hit a bolt or iron brace, or the operator was too exhausted to screw in the weapon. continue reading below our video How to Write a Business Plan When Sergeant Lee attempted to shift the Turtle to another position beneath the hull, he lost contact with the target vessel and ultimately was forced to abandon the torpedo. Although the torpedo was never attached to the target, the clockwork timer detonated it about an hour after it was released. The result was a spectacular explosion that ultimately forced the British to increase their vigilance and to move their ship's anchorage further out in the harbor. Royal Navy logs and reports from this period make no mention of this incident, and it is possible that the Turtle's attack may be more submarine legend than historical event. The History of Transportation The History of Transportation Airplane taking off over ocean. Lester Lefkowitz/Getty Images By Tuan Nguyen Updated July 31, 2016. The early years: boats, horses and wagons Whether on land or at sea, humans early on successfully sought to go forth more efficiently by taking advantage of systems mother nature already had in place. And the earliest examples of such resourcefulness are boats.

Those who colonized Australia roughly 60,000 to 40,000 years ago have been credited as the first people to cross the sea, though there is some evidence that early man carried out seafaring trips as far back as 900,000 years ago. In any case, the earliest known boats were simple logboats, also referred to as dugouts. Evidence for these floating vehicles come from excavations of artifacts that date from around 7,000 to 10,000 years ago. The Pesse canoe is the oldest boat unearthed and dates as far back as 7600 BC. Rafts have been around nearly as long, with artifacts showing them in use for at least 8,000 years. Next, came horses. While it’s difficult to pinpoint when humans first began domesticating them as a means of getting around or to transport goods, experts generally go by the emergence of certain biological and cultural markers that indicate when such practices started to take place.

continue reading below our video Profile of Robert Fulton Based on changes in teeth records, butchering activities, shifts in settlement patterns, historic depictions and many other factors, many of them believe that domestication took place around 4000 BC. Roughly around that period, someone invented the wheel -- finally. The archaeological record shows that the first wheeled vehicles were in use around 3500 BC, with evidence of the existence of such contraptions found in Mesopotamia, the Northern Caucuses and Central Europe. The earliest well-dated artifact from that time period is the Bronocice pot, a ceramic vase that depicts a four-wheeled wagon that featured two axles. It was unearthed in southern Poland. Steam machines: steamboats, automobiles and locomotives The Watt steam engine, invented in 1769, changed everything. And boats were among the first to take advantage of steam-generated power. In 1783, a French inventor by the name of Claude de Jouffroy built the Pyroscaphe, the world’s the first steamship .

But despite successfully making trips up and down the river and carried passengers as part of a demonstration, there wasn’t enough interest to fund further development. While other inventors tried to make steamships that were practical enough for mass transport, it was American Robert Fulton who furthered the technology to where it was commercially viable. In 1807, the Clermont completed a 150-mile trip from New York City to Albany that took 32 hours, with the average speed clocking in at about 5 miles per hour. Within a few years, Fulton and company would offer regular and freight service between New Orleans, Louisiana and Natchez, Mississippi. In 1769, another Frenchman named Nicolas Joseph Cugnot attempted to adapt a steam engine technology to a road vehicle and the result was the invention of the first automobile . The heavy engine added so much weight to the vehicle that it was ultimately too impractical for something that had a top speed of 2 and ½ miles an hour. Another effort to repurpose the steam engine for a different means of personal transport resulted in the Roper steam Velocipede.

Developed in 1867, the two-wheeled steam-powered bicycle is considered by many historians to be the world’s first motorcycle . It wasn’t until 1858 that Jean Joseph Étienne Lenoir of Belgium invented the internal combustion engine. And even though his subsequent invention, the first gasoline-powered automobile , technically did work, credit for the first “practical” gasoline-powered car goes to Karl Benz for the patent he filed in 1886. Still, up until the 20th century, cars were not a widely adopted means of transport. One mode of land transport powered by a steam engine that did go mainstream is the locomotive. In 1801, British inventor Richard Trevithick unveiled the world’s first road locomotive, called the “Puffing Devil,” and used it to six passengers a ride lift to a nearby village. It was in 1804 though that Trevithick’s demonstrated for the first time a locomotive that ran on rails when another one he built hauled 10 tons of iron to the community of Penydarren in Wales to a small village called Abercynon.

But it took another fellow Brit, a civil and mechanical engineer named George Stephenson, to turn locomotives into a form of mass transport. In 1812, Matthew Murray of Holbeck had designed and built the first commercially successful steam locomotive “The Salamanca” and Stephenson wanted to take the technology a step further. So in 1814, Stephenson designed the Blücher, an eight wagon locomotive capable of hauling 30 tons of coal uphill at a speed of four miles per hour. By 1824, Stephenson improved the efficiency on his locomotive designs to where he commissioned by the Stockton and Darlington Railway to build the first steam locomotive to carry passengers on a public rail line, the aptly named Locomotion No. 1. Six years later, he opened the Liverpool and Manchester Railway, the first public inter-city railway line serviced by steam locomotives. His notable accomplishments also include establishing the standard for rail spacing for most of the railways in use today.

No wonder he’s been hailed as " Father of Railways ." Modern Machines: submarines, aircraft and spacecraft Technically speaking, the first navigable submarine was invented in 1620 by Dutchman Cornelis Drebbel. Built for the English Royal Navy, Drebbel’s submarine could stay submerged for up to three hours and was propelled by oars. However, the submarine was never used in combat and it wasn’t until toward the turn of the 20th century that designs that led to practical and widely-used submersible vehicles were realized. Along the way, there were important milestones such as the launching of the hand-powered, egg-shaped Turtle in 1776, the first military submarine used in combat as well as the launching of the French Navy submarine Plongeur, the first mechanically powered submarine. Finally, in 1888, the Spanish navy launched the Peral submarine, the first electric battery-powered submarine, which also so happened to be the first fully capable military submarine. Built by Spanish engineer and sailor named Isaac Peral, it was equipped with a torpedo tube, two torpedoes, an air regeneration system, the first fully reliable underwater navigation system and posted an underwater speed of 3.5 mph.

The start of the twentieth century was truly the dawn of a new era as two American brothers, Orville and Wilbur Wright, pulled off the first official powered flight in 1903. In essence, they had invented the world’s first airplane. Transport via aircraft took off from there with airplanes being put into service within a few short years, during World War I. In 1919, British aviators John Alcock and Arthur Brown completed the first transatlantic flight, crossing from Canada to Ireland. The same year, passengers were able to fly internationally for the first time. Around the same time that the Wright brothers were taking flight, French inventor Paul Cornu started developing a rotorcraft. And on November 13, 1907, his Cornu helicopter, made of little more than some tubing, an engine and rotary wings, achieved a lift height of about one foot while staying airborne for about 20 seconds. With that, Cornu would lay claim to having piloted the first helicopter flight . It didn’t take long after air travel took off for humans to start seriously considering the possibility of going further up and toward the heavens.

The Soviet Union surprised much of the western world in 1957 with its successful launch of sputnik, the first satellite to reach outer space. Four years later, the Russians followed that up by sending the first human into outer space, pilot Yuri Gagaran, aboard the Vostok 1. The achievements would spark a “space race” between the Soviet Union and the United States that culminated in the Americans taking what’s perhaps the biggest victory lap among national rivals. On July 20, 1969, the Lunar module of the Apollo spacecraft, carrying astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, touched down on the surface of the moon. The event, which was broadcast on live TV to the rest of the world, allowed millions to witness the moment Armstrong became the first man to ever step foot on the moon, a moment he heralded as “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” How do submarines work? - Explain that Stuff Tweet by Chris Woodford . Last updated: July 21, 2016. The worst thing that could ever happen to you on a ship in the middle of the ocean would be for water to flood in and make you sink.

But if you're on-board a submarine, sinking is exactly what you want! Unlike ships , which pitch and roll as they struggle across the waves, submarines slip swiftly and silently through the calmer waters beneath. They are lean, mean, military machines and they can stay submerged for weeks or even months at a time. Let's take a closer look at how they work! Photo: The fast-attack, nuclear-powered submarine USS Dallas (SSN 700) heads out to sea. Photo by Paul Farley courtesy of US Navy . What is a submarine? Photo: Submarine ahoy! When we see photos of submarines floating on the surface, it's hard to imagine how big they really are: like icebergs, virtually all of a floating sub is underwater. In this very unusual picture of a submarine in dry dock for maintenance, you can clearly see how big a submarine really is—and that it really is almost a perfect cylinder. Photo of USS City of Corpus Christi at Pearl Harbor Naval Shipyard by Dustan Longhini courtesy of US Navy . Oceans are most turbulent where wind meets water: on their surface.

The waves that race across the sea are a sign of energy , originally transmitted by the Sun and whipped up into winds, racing from one side of the planet to the other. Ships battle and lurch across tough seas where no fish—worth its salt—would ever swim. Sailing ships make good use of winds, harnessing the gusts of air to make a very effective form of propulsion. Diesel-powered ships stay on the surface for a different reason: their engines need a steady supply of oxygen to burn fuel. In theory, it should be much easier for ships to swim under the waves where the water is calmer and puts up less resistance; in practice, that creates a different set of problems. If you've ever gone snorkeling or scuba diving, you'll know that life underwater is very different from life on the surface. It's dark and difficult to see, there's no air to breathe, and intense water pressure makes everything feel uncomfortable and claustrophobic. Submarines are ingenious bits of engineering designed to carry people safely through this very harsh environment. Although they were originally invented as military machines, and most large subs are still built for the world's navies, a few smaller subs do work as scientific research vessels.

Most of these are submersibles (generally small, unpowered, one- or two-person submarines tethered to scientific research ships as they operate). Parts of a submarine Photo: Despite many technological advances, the basic concept of the submarine has changed little in over a century, since John Holland designed the USS Holland, the US Navy's first submarine. Photo by courtesy of Naval Historical Center . These are some of the key parts of a typical submarine. Pressure hull The pressure of water pushing inward is the biggest problem for anyone who wants to go deep beneath the ocean surface. Even with scuba tanks, we can dive only so far because the immense pressure soon makes it impossible to breath. At a depth of 600m (2000ft), the maximum depth subs ever dive to, the water pressure is over 60 times greater than it is at the surface! How do subs survive where people can't? The hull of a standard ship is the metal outside that keeps the water out. Most submarines have two hulls, one inside the other, to help them survive. The outer hull is waterproof, while the inner one (called the pressure hull) is much stronger and resistant to immense water pressure.

The strongest submarines have hulls made from tough steel or titanium . Planes Photo: The diving planes on either side of a submarine's tower generate lift as it moves forward, just like the wings on a plane. Photo of USS Emory S. Land by Jared Aldape courtesy of US Navy . Just as sharks have fins on their bodies to help them swim and dive, so submarines have fins called diving planes or hydroplanes. They work a bit like the wings and control surfaces (swiveling flaps) on an airplane , creating an upward force called lift. Buoyancy is the tendency of something to sink, rise, or float at a certain depth. While it's underwater, a submarine is negatively buoyant, which means it tends to sink, left to its own devices, if it's not moving. But as the submarine's propellers push it forward, water rushes over the planes, creating an upward force called lift that helps it remain at a certain depth, creating a state of neutral buoyancy (floating). The planes can be tilted to change the lift force, so making the submarine climb or dive through the sea, as necessary. The planes provide most of the submarine's control of its depth, most of the time.

The amount of lift they generate depends both on the angle to which they're tilted and on the submarine's speed (just as the lift that wings generate depends on a plane's speed and "angle of attack"). Ballast tanks There are spaces in between the two hulls that can be filled with either air or water. These are called the ballast tanks and, with the diving planes, they give a sub control over its buoyancy, particularly during the first part of a dive or a return to the surface from the depths. When the ballast tanks are filled with air, the submarine rises to the surface because it has positive buoyancy. With water inside the tanks, the sub has negative buoyancy so it sinks deeper into the ocean. The tanks at the front (known as the front trim tanks) are usually filled with water or air first, so the submarine's front (bow) falls or rises before its rear (stern). The ballast tanks can also be used to help a submarine surface very quickly in an emergency. Engine Gasoline engines and diesel engines used by cars and trucks, and jet engines used by planes , need a supply of oxygen from the air to make them work. Things are different for submarines, which operate underwater where there is no air.

Most submarines except nuclear ones have diesel-electric engines. The diesel engine operates normally when the sub is near the surface but it doesn't drive the sub's propellers directly. Instead, it powers an electricity generator that charges up huge batteries . These drive an electric motor that, in turn, powers the propellers. Once the diesel engine has fully charged the batteries, the sub can switch off its engine and go underwater, where it relies entirely on battery power. Early military submarines used breathing tubes called snorkels to feed air to their engines from the air above the sea, but that meant they had to operate very near the surface where they were vulnerable to attack from airplanes . Most large military submarines are now nuclear-powered. Like nuclear power plants , they have small nuclear reactors and, since they need no air to operate, they can generate power to drive the electric motors and propellers whether they are on the surface or deep underwater. Tower Photo: An Australian Collins-class submarine, HMAS Rankin (SSK 78), cruising just below the surface with its tower breaking the waves. Photo by David A. Levy courtesy of US Navy . Submarines are cigar-shaped so they can slip smoothly through the water.

But in the very center, there's a tall tower packed with navigation and other equipment. Sometimes known as the conning tower (because, historically, it contained a submarines controls), it's also referred to simply as the tower or the sail. Navigation systems Photo: Periscopes are useful if you're near the surface searching for enemy ships but they're useless underwater. Photo by Jeffery S. Viano courtesy of US Navy . Light doesn't travel well through water, so it gets darker and darker the deeper down you go. Most of the time, submarine pilots can't even see where they're going! Submarines have periscopes (seeing tubes that can be pushed up through the tower), but they're useful only when subs are on the surface or just beneath it. Submarines navigate using a whole range of electronic equipment. There's GPS satellite navigation , for starters, which uses space satellites to tell the submarine its position. There's also SONAR, a system similar to radar , which sends out pulses of sound into the sea and listens for echoes reflecting off the seabed or other nearby submarines. Another important navigation system onboard a submarine is known as inertial guidance.

It's a way of using gyroscopes to keep track of how far the submarine has traveled, and in which direction, without referring to any outside information. Inertial guidance is accurate only for so long (10 days or so) and occasionally needs to be corrected using GPS, radar, or other data. Photo: The sonar apparatus in a typical submarine. Photo by Brandon Shelander courtesy of US Navy . Life-support systems A large military submarine has dozens of people onboard. How can they eat, sleep, and breathe, buried deep beneath the sea, in freezing cold water, for months at a time? A submarine is a completely sealed environment. The nuclear engine provides warmth and generates electricity —and the electricity powers all the life-support systems that submariners need. It makes oxygen for people to breathe using electrolysis to chemically separate molecules of water (turning H2O into H2 and O2) and it scrubs unwanted carbon dioxide from the air. Subs can even make their own drinking water from seawater using electricity to remove the salt. Trash is compacted into steel cans, which are ejected from an airlock system (a watertight exit in the hull) and dumped on the seabed. Who invented the submarine?

Photo: The USS Holland (Submarine Torpedo Boat # 1) underway, circa 1900. Photo by courtesy of Naval Historical Center. 1620: Englishman Cornelis Drebble (1572–1633) builds the first submarine by waterproofing a wooden, egg-shaped boat with leather and coating the whole thing in wax. Scientists are uncertain whether Drebble's boat ever set sail. 1776: During the US revolution, David Bushnell (1742–1824) builds a hand-powered one-person submarine called the Turtle to help attack British warships. 1800: American steam engineer Robert Fulton (1765–1815) designs a convertible ship with folding-down sails that can turn itself into a submarine for traveling underwater. 1897: American inventor Simon Lake (1866–1945) launches the Argonaut, the first submarine to operate in the open sea. 1900: The US Navy launches its first ever submarine, the USS Holland, named for its Irish-American inventor John Holland (1840–1914).

Although Holland had offered submarines to the Navy for years beforehand, it had originally shown no interest. 1914–18: During World War I, the German navy operates a fleet of highly effective military submarines called U-boats (short for Unterseeboot, which means underwater ship). In the 1930s, the Germans start using snorkel tubes (invented by a Dutch engineer) to supply air to their U-boat's diesel-electric engines, giving them greater range and effectiveness. 1955: The US Navy launches the USS Nautilus, the first nuclear-powered submarine. 1968: The Soviet Union (Russia and its former allies) launches K-162 , the first submarine with a titanium hull and the world's fastest. 1969: The Soviets launch the first of their sleek, fast, titanium-hulled Alfa-class nuclear submarines. 1990s: Nuclear submarines made redundant by the end of the Cold War are used for oceanographic and climate research in the Arctic in a project named Science Ice Exchange (SCICEX) .

Submarine | Uncyclopedia | Fandom powered by Wikia edit History Should have taken a left turn at Albuquerque The man who brought Bourne's dream from blueprint to reality was Cornelis Drebbel. Drebbel was a Dutch inventor who practiced alchemy. He constructed the first successful submarine in about 1620, likely while holding Mr. Bourne's blue prints in his hands . The sub Drebbel built consisted of a wooden frame covered in waterproof leather through which the oars protruded, just like in Bourne's design. Being an animal lover, Cornelis decided to deviate slightly from Bourne's specifications which called for the leather to be obtained from "small domesticated furry animals", and instead used skins from the backs of gypsies and pickpockets which were not only easier to procure, but also had a cleansing effect on the gene pool . Drebbel constructed ever larger submarines which regularly navigated the Thames river ( London ) at depths of up to 15 feet . With help from a fellow alchemist, Drebbel solved the problem of a rapidly disappearing oxygen supply when submerged by taking aboard nitrate (saltpeter) which produced oxygen when burned.

This lends credence to the story that the reason the vessel was able to stay underwater for hours on end was due to the "chemical liquor " that would replace "that quintessence of air" that was able to "cherish the vital flame residing in the heart" and was also found handy in "diffusing the stank which emanated from the asses of the oarsmen." "Bushnell, seen here dressed in drag, was a very colorful individual. This photo once hung in the office of J. Edgar Hoover." Ramius. The first submarine to see military action was invented, accidentally, by David Bushnell of Connecticut . He and his fellow fraternity brothers from Yale were having a barrel party (precursor to the keg party) on the banks of the Niagara river when a party foul of epic proportions caused a barrel (with at least a pint of still-good beer remaining on the bottom) to go floating down river . Putting aside concerns of personal safety in the interest of rescuing God's golden nectar, ol' Dave dived into the icy waters head first while clutching the barrel lid to his chest to use as a flotation device. Swimming as if born with fins he reached the barrel in record time and climbed in.

His joyfulness was quickly replaced by a feeling of regret however, regret at having decided to host a party 200 yards upstream of the tallest waterfall in the western hemisphere. Halfway into free fall he had 2 revelations in crash-course submarine engineering. They were: "Now this is a proper drawing, notice the color, the detail. Magnificent." Ramius. That all future submarine designs should incorporate water tight hatches secured by means more substantial than that of a death grip applied by 150 pounds of protoplasm. And... That future designs should also incorporate means to eliminate wastes from the crew such as banana peels, egg shells...or freshly shit -stained trousers. With fresh Dockers flappin' in the breeze, Dave decided for damn sure that his first foray into the water in a vessel of his own creation would be his last, and that his brother Ezra would henceforth assume all navigation duties. With help from fellow classmate Phineas Pratt, David was able to build a working submarine. This sub, called Turtle, was assigned the task of attaching an underwater bomb to the British flagship HMS Eagle on the night of September 6/7 1776.

The mission was almost cancelled due to the unfortunate sudden death of the only person ever to pilot the vessel, Ezra Bushnell (David's brother), just prior to the scheduled date of the mission. The search was on for a new pilot, but who would replace Ezra? Who possibly could have the strength, the skill, the cojones? Who could possibly learn how to operate an experimental military vessel within an inconceivably short time frame and then single handedly carry out a successful mission against the largest battleship of the most powerful nation on earth? With the intent of promoting good karma between man and machine, David and Phineas put their heads together and in what could only be described as a stroke of genius, decided absolutely, positively, and without compunction, that the only person capable of pulling off this impossible mission was...well, any ol' jack-off named Ezra apparently. A quick look through the town log revealed 2 possibilities. Ezra Prophylactikmacher: German immigrant, patriarch of family with proud history of making delicate lamb-skin products of an intimate nature. Permanently unavailable due to his full time employment of pushing up daisies at the local cemetery.

Ezra Lee: Army Sargent, alive and well. The mission was on! Mr. Lee was not entirely successful however. Being unable to attach the explosive to the ship and with dawn soon to arrive, he was forced to abandon the mission and was subsequently pursued by a rowboat filled with thirsty British soldiers understandably perplexed at the sight of a gigantic self-propelled beer barrel. Lee managed to evade capture by jettisoning the heavy explosive which detonated shortly after, killing several fish. Ezra Lee was credited posthumously as being the inventor of the sport of dynamite fishing, a sport for which the crimson necked homo-sapien is eternally grateful. "This work is my favorite, not only because of how the artist captures the indefatigable look of confidence burned into Mr. Fultons countenance, but also the French merchant ship seen through the window being engulfed in flames!" Ramius. "Though the subject of this painting leaves a foul taste in my mouth, I take comfort in knowing that he sat for it upon return from a little trip to Moscow he made with 600,000 of his countrymen.

That only 22,000 returned is perhaps the reason for his discontented look, as well as my stupid grin. Did I mention that this work is sublime?" Ramius. Fast forward a couple of decades. Benjamin Franklin had just returned from his triumphant 9 year mission in France of sweet-talkin' French chicks, using perfume in place of bathing, and secretly conspiring to bankrupt that entire country to pay for a little Revolutionary War he had going on back home. Upon his return he had his portrait painted by a talented inventor and artist named Robert Fulton. Robert Fulton was an early pioneer in the development of underwater mines and torpedoes and was also the builder of the first practical submarine, the "French" Nautilus. During testing it dived to record depths, stayed submerged for hours thanks to an ingenious compressed air oxygen supply, and even used it's towed-from-behind mines to turn a 40 foot sailboat into splinters. It was felt by a scholarly panel of 3 sent to evaluate the Nautilus that it could be used to sway the battle of sea supremacy against England in France's favor, Napoleon's response to this opinion was "Negre s'il vous plait!" (Nigga please!).

The French ruling party felt that Monsieur Fulton's insistence on using explosives to destroy enemy shipping was lacking in refinement and was considered unsportsmanlike by those who practically wrote the book on battlefield decorum, i.e., those who considered that hurling at one's enemy that of craftily articulated obscenities laced with garlicky halitosis was the one true path to victory. Napoleon accused Fulton of being a swindler and a charlatan. Fulton was subsequently smuggled into England where his knowledge of explosives was put to use. Fortunately for France, Fulton accidentally left behind notes pertaining to the development of waterproof textiles, thus enabling future French subs to prominently display the white flag of surrender even while submerged, whether being attacked of not. Robert Fulton was born and raised in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, neither of which are located in France. The Hunley held a 9 man crew, 7 of which turned their crank for screwing and propulsion, 1 which operated the crank of the other seven, as well as components in their rear, and finally there was the captain who tended to the lubrication requirements of their long hard vessel. This photo shows some of the original crew. Now let's skip ahead about 60 years.

The first successful underwater attack of a submarine against a surface vessel is about to be carried out by an American built vessel named after its builder, Horace L Hunley. America at that time was far from the financial superpower that it is today, and was very much reliant on the attitude that one makes do with what one has. This attitude, symbolized by inventiveness, adaption, and improvisation when faced with a lack of building materials, is called Yankee ingenuity. The United States of America had this in abundance, as future crew(s) of the Hunley would soon discover to their dismay. Dismay? Yes. In order for the crew to benefit from this "Yankee ingenuity" the ship would have had to have been built in the United States, by Yankees. It wasn't. The C.S. Hunley was built in the Confederate States of America by a couple of good ole' boys down in Alabama, and in 1863 there weren't no damn Yankees in Al-uh-bam. "This drawing was likely to be Mr. Hunley's inspiration for building the ship which later bore his name.

Had he known it was drawn by a high school student from Boston as part of his project for Social Studies class titled "The Final Solution of the Redneck question," perhaps he would have redirected his efforts." Ramius. After semi-successful testing in Mobile bay, it was sent to help defend the Confederate stronghold of Charleston where it was promptly confiscated from Hunley and put into service by the Confederate Army. The Confederate Navy meanwhile was busy doing, um...something else I presume. During its first trial in Charleston waters, the diving plane lever was stepped on causing the ship to suddenly dive. Unfortunately the hatch was left open during this exercise and the ship promptly sank, killing 7. USA 7, CSA 0 After the Hunley was raised it was brought dockside and moored to a steamship. This handy bit of information however was not relayed to the crew of said steamship who took off on their merry way (sub still attached), causing sub to turn over (hatch open), take on water and sink. This maneuver killed 6 of the sub's crew. USA 13, CSA 0. The Confederates considered this a freak accident and raised the vessel again.

On October 15 1863, Hunley was proudly back in service and went for a routine dive with a new captain aboard. The crew's brief for that morning's mission was short. It read as follows: "1. Dive ship. 2. Park vessel on ocean floor. 3. Remove all oxygen from vessel and replace with equal volume of water. 4.Conduct water breathing experiment. 5. Report back to base with results of experiment." The entire crew, including "captain" Horace L Hunley himself, performed these tasks admirably...except for the 5th part of the brief of course. The Hunley, with sweating crew pumping furiously inside, prepares to deliver its load. USA 22, CSA 0. A few days later the vessel was found by a diver and brought back to the surface, and this time it was dried extra thoroughly using only the finest towels. The commander of the Confederate forces defending Charleston, General Pierce Gustave Toutant Beauregard, rightly ordered that the vessel never be submerged again.

Being now extra dry, the vessel set out on it's first surface-only mission, during which it miraculously fouled a cable from a nearby ship, causing it to turn over (hatch open), take on water and sink, killing 7. USA 29, CSA 0. Just for good luck the ship was raised yet again. And then on February 17 1864, history would be made and Confederate pride would be restored. Hunley went on a mission hellbent on revenge. It slipped quietly into the night headed towards the USS Housatonic with orders to send the Union ship to its watery grave. At about 8:45pm on that blustery cold evening, history becomes a little fuzzy. What's for certain is that either by attaching a torpedo to the hull of the ship or by simply ramming it in the side, the Hunley managed to sink the Housatonic. However, the ship was sunk in very shallow water allowing most of the crew to cling the the masts as they awaited rescue, thus only 5 were killed. USA 29, CSA 5. Yeeeee haw!

But before the Hunley's place in the annals of American history could be secured, it had some unfinished business to take care of. The engagement with the Housatonic also caused damage to the Hunley. Whether this damage was caused by the explosion or from ramming the enemy ship is not known. What is known is that soon afterwards the C.S. Hunley decided once again that it's crew needed to conduct water breathing experiments, only this time they needed to do them until the year 2000 which would be the next time the boat would see the light of day. The crew, ever faithful to the cause, were happy to oblige. Final Score: USA 38, CSA 5. The C.S. Hunley was posthumously awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor by President Abraham Lincoln. This marked the first and only time in American history that this award was ever given to an enemy combatant, and also the first and only time that an inanimate object ever received it. Whether or not the Hunley served as inspiration for Steven King's book/movie named Christine is unknown.

edit Suck, Squeeze, Bang, and Blow Please redirect your thoughts from the gutter and turn them instead to the 4 strokes of the internal combustion engine. These are intake, compression, power, and exhaust. This is not to be confused with the external combustion engine which the French seem to have mastered, but we'll get to that later. John Philip Holland was the first man to put an internal combustion engine in a submarine. He was born an Irishman and later moved to the United States. In 1853 Mr. Holland attended Monastery school in Limerick and in 1858 was renamed Brother Philip after receiving the habit. He was unable to keep his thoughts pure indefinitely however, and began to stray from the flock. In 1868 Brother Phil was admonished for "occupying his mind with things quite foreign to his obligations, such as inventions and improvements in mechanical arts." This interfered with, and was in stark contrast to, the work he was ordered to perform in reconfiguring the monastic robe to allow it's wearer to maintain decorum whilst concealing a 7-year old boy.

A year later he developed his first sub design, and in in 1878 launched the Holland I, powered by a 4hp internal combustion engine. edit Suck, Squeeze harder, Bang more slowly, then Blow "The 1600hp 16 cylinder General Motors 16-278A two-stroke diesel propelled many of your American WWII subs, albiet very slowly I might add, as compared to the rice powered machinery of your slant-eyed competition. That you Americans would have the audacity to employ it, and successfully at that, makes me giggle like a school girl." Ramius. "If the 3500hp Kolomensky Zavod D-43 was capable of defecation, the results would look a lot like this MAN (Maschinenfabrik Augsburg Nurnberg) M6V 40/46 1600hp 6-cylinder supercharged dieselshittmotor." Ramius. The first sub powered by a diesel engine was a French vessel named Aigrette. An aigrette is made from the feathers of an egret, it is used to adorn a woman's (or a French man's) headdress.

If the aigrette is to be worn by a lady of high society then it may be accompanied by a spray of gems and will be properly coordinated to the evening gown. If I go any farther with that nonsense I'll spit-up my breakfast. Let us redirect our attention to the inventor of the diesel engine, shall we comrades? Rudolph Diesel was born in Paris France.................... Dearest Lord... though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Amen. Rudolph Diesel was born in Paris France, his parents were from the Kingdom of Bavaria, known today as Germany....thank you Jesus. With the outbreak of the Franco-Prussian War (France lost!) the Diesel clan was forced to immigrate to London where they had much difficulty adjusting to their new diet of Guinness and blood pudding. Rudolph was an exemplary student, and would have many of his engineering ideas patented. The first engine he built was a steam engine which used ammonia vapor for fuel. This masterpiece of engineering was capable of extraordinary feats.

With the engine happily chugging away on its first test run, this internal combustion engine decided that, without any warning, it would magically transform itself into an external combustion engine. This resulted in a hospital stay of several months for Mr. Diesel, as well as a newfound respect for window cleaner. "Until someone sends me a picture of a Japanese sub diesel that isn't covered in coral reef and dolphin shit, this one taken by the US Navy of the engine room of the Little Yellow Bastard Imperial Navys' I-400 class will just have to do. Shown (barely) are 2 of the 4 Kanhon type22 diesels totalling 7700hp." Ramius. Diesel would later find employment with a blond-haired blue-eyed engineering company called MAN (Maschinenfabrik Augsburg Nurnberg). It was there that he would meet Gottlieb Daimler and Karl Benz, who before founding the "Lovers of David Hasselhoff Official Fan club" enjoyed moderate success producing engine designs that would one day utilize advanced exhaust-system technology to introduce certain [Jewish] users of German mass transit to the health benefits of carbon monoxide.

Rudolph would later need to make a return business trip to London, and would find himself aboard the steamer Dresden heading out from Antwerp on the night of September 29, 1913. Mr. Diesel went to bed at the usual hour but was awakened in the middle of the night by a horrific nightmare, he realized he would once again have to partake of English "cuisine." When questioned of the whereabouts of Mr. Diesel the following morning, witnesses reported that at about 3:15am they saw a man dart from his stateroom, mount the ships railing, and perform a flawless reverse one and a half somersault with three and a half twists into the icy north atlantic waters, never to be seen again. edit Nations and their significant contributions With Diesel/electric propulsion proving viable, all future innovations in submarine weapons, engineering, or wartime tactics would no longer be carried out by indivduals but by entire teams of morons for the country which they represented. The following dubious accomplishments of man and nation are presented for your entertainment, in no particular order.

Question: Built in 1776, which T was the name of the first submarine used for military purposes?
Answer: Turtle