He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave. Died: August 11, 2012 (aged 72) Nationality: British Occupation: Entertainer Bio: Sid Waddell was an English sports commentator and television personality. He was nicknamed 'The Voice of Darts' due to his fame as a dart commentator, and worked for Granada, Yorkshire, BBC, and Sky Sports television broadcasters. He was nominated for two prestigious awards for his work, and published several books. Sid Waddell funeral: Freddie Flintoff and Eric Bristow among mourners to pay tribute to the voice of darts - Mirror Online Thank you for subscribing! Could not subscribe, try again laterInvalid Email Voice of darts Sid Waddell checked out today… with a galaxy of sporting stars saying a sad farewell. Mourners paid tribute to Sid Waddell, whose one-liners took darts from a pub game to a “global phenomenon.” The sports commentator - nicknamed ‘the voice of darts’ - died earlier this month, the day after his 72nd birthday.

Former England cricketer Freddie Flintoff and darts stars Eric Bristow and Cliff Lazarenko were among 300 friends and relatives who packed the parish church in Pudsey, West Yorks, Sid’s home town. Although he gained a degree in modern history at Cambridge University it was his love of the game of darts that gained him an worldwide audience. The famous ‘Sid-isms’ delivered in his thick Geordie accent during darts tournament became legend. Barry Hearn, chairman of the Professional Darts Corporation told the congregation: “Sid took a pub game and made it into a global phenomenon. “He was a great man and millions turned on to hear him speak. Sid Waddell was a legend. Greatly missed: Darts will never forget the genius of "The Geordie Lip" “Sid, if you’re up there at that oche in the sky, we are going to miss you, love you, we will never forget you and we are very, very grateful for the contribution you have made to our lives.” The darts chief revealed that there were plans to commemorate the commentator by naming a world championship trophy after him.

Sid’s long-term commentating pal, Dave Lanning, said: “It has been the greatest honour and privilege of my working life to sit for 20 years and share so many great moments with one of the great, original, innovative and wonderfully amusing broadcasters of all time.” The son of a Northumberland miner had been suffering from bowel cancer for almost a year. He leaves wife Irene, 68, and children Dan, Charlotte, Lucy, Emma and Nicholas. After hearing of his death, Stephen Fry, who once shared the commentary box with Sid, tweeted: “Farewell Sid Waddell: Cambridge educated but always loyal to darts and his beloved NE: master of the wild epithet & the true voice of darts.” He was cremated at a family service before the funeral service took place. His son Dan, told the mourners: “He burned very brightly and it feels very, very dark now that he has gone. “He was no angel and could get emotional but as a dada and grandad he was brilliant. “He was a more like a mate.

I could talk to him about anything.” He also revealed some “unique” advice his dad gave him when he was ten; ‘never trust a man who doesn’t drink.’ And told how his dad was proud he had never eaten yoghurt as it was “the embodiment of all that was bourgeois.” Before the service he said: “We have been very touched and moved by the tributes we have read and heard. It has been quite overwhelming and quite sad because dad would have loved to have read some of these. “We miss him, has a grandfather, a father and husband. He was and will be irreplaceable.” Sid Waddell quotes WHEN Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer... [Eric] Bristow’s only 27. THE atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in, with a portion of chips... you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them CLIFF Lazarenko’s idea of exercise is a strong pull on a soda siphon. AS Freud said to Jung in Vienna, you can psych up too much for a darts match. WHEN Lowe gets back to Clay Cross there’ll be a reception like Ayatollah Khomeini had hit town.

THERE’S only one word for it – “magic darts”. THAT was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble. BOB came on like the Laughing Cavalier … now he looks like Lee Van Cleef on a bad night. WE couldn’t have more excitement if Elvis walked in and asked for a chip sandwich. LOOK at the man go, it’s like trying to stop a water buffalo with a peashooter. BRISTOW reasons... Bristow quickens... aaah, Bristow. [HE’S] as happy as a hound dog who’s won a year’s supply of Boneo. THERE was less noise when Pompeii was swamped in lava! Absolute pandemonium here! Barmaids are frozen like Greek statues watching! No beer’s been served! Everybody’s eyes [are] absolutely hooked on that board. IF we’d had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they’d have gone home. HE looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave. EVEN Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles. KEITH Deller’s not just an underdog, he’s an underpuppy!

AS they say at the DHSS, we’re getting the full benefit here. IT'S like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline AS they says at the DHSS, we’re getting the full benefit here HE'S been burning the midnight oil at both ends Like us on Facebook Sid Waddell dies: The 'voice of darts' was 72 | Daily Mail Online comments Darts broadcaster Sid Waddell has died at the age of 72, his manager said today. Waddell had been fighting bowel cancer since last September and the news of his death was confirmed this morning.

A statement from his manager Dick Allix read: 'With great sadness, we announce that following a long illness, broadcaster and author Sid Waddell died peacefully with all his family around him late last night.' Scroll down for Waddell quotes compilation video Voice of darts: The legendary commentator will be remembered Waddell was a central part of Sky Sports' coverage of PDC darts events since 1994 and was known for his colourful and excitable commentary style, with his best-known lines including 'There's only one word for it - 'magic darts'.' He also noted, while watching Eric Bristow become world champion: 'When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer - Bristow's only 27.' Waddell's other commentary work included pool's Mosconi Cup, while he also made a one-off appearance as the BBC National Lottery's 'voice of the balls'. In addition, he has had 11 books published and wrote the sport-based BBC children's programmes Jossy's Giants and Sloggers, receiving a nomination for best scriptwriter from the Writer's Guild of Great Britain for the latter.

Former players and broadcasting colleagues queued up to pay tribute after hearing the news of Waddell's death. Bristow told Sky Sports News: 'Sid was top dog, wasn't he? He's not going to be replaced, he was a one-off. 'I remember a game he was commentating on, Cliff Lazarenko was playing Jocky Wilson. Cliff was about 22 stone and Jocky was about 17 stone and he said they were two athletes. I just cracked up.' Insight: Waddell offered superb knowledge of darts and spoke with humour Twice BDO World Championship finalist Bobby George wrote on Twitter: 'So sad to hear of the passing of the legend Sid Waddell or Sidly as I used to call him. Sincere condolences go out to the family x.' Wayne Mardle, the 2003 World Matchplay runner-up, added: 'So so gutted, The legend Sid Waddell passed away last night. Thoughts are with his family right now.' Sky Sports' Dave Clark, who worked with Waddell for many years, tearfully remembered his former colleague on Sky Sports News. 'He was the voice of darts,' said Clark.

'Darts isn't going to be the same without Sid Waddell. 'He had a child-like exuberance, he'd be bouncing round like a young puppy in the commentary box, and mix that with the intellect of Einstein. 'He was a brilliant man, a genius of the microphone - I'm going to miss my old mate, that's for sure. 'I know he's been really battling this cancer for a long, long time and what I hear from the family is it's a blessing that he's gone, but a tragedy.' Broad palate: As well as commentating, Waddell also wrote books Another of the organisation's presenters, Jeff Stelling, added: 'It's shattering news. Back when I was working with him he made more of an impact than any of the players did. He is totally irreplaceable. 'There has never been such a sports commentator to make such an impact. He had a wonderful turn of phrase. He was the leader of the gang and we were all in his gang. 'On the big occasion he was always there - if he wasn't there it wasn't a big occasion.

He was the doyen of sports commentating.' A statement from Sky Sports managing director Barney Francis read: 'We all remember Sid's wonderful words, his great sense of humour and his passion for the sport he loved. 'Sid was a friend to all of us at Sky Sports, at the heart of our darts coverage since the early 1990s. He was a wonderful man and we will miss him deeply. 'Our thoughts are with Irene (his wife) and family at this very sad time.' BBC Sport's Gary Lineker wrote on Twitter: 'See that Sid Waddell has lost his fight with cancer. He really was the voice of his sport. A brilliant, witty, colourful commentator.' Tributes to Waddell extended beyond sport, with former deputy prime minister John Prescott tweeting: 'Farewell to Sid Waddell - a man who did so much for darts and voiced so many memorable moments.

A double top bloke.' In action: Waddell loved the game SOME OF THE GREAT WADDELL QUOTES 'That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!' 'He's about as predictable as a wasp on speed.' 'Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a waterbuffalo with a pea-shooter.' 'The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in with a portion of chips, you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them.' 'That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus.' 'Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy.' 'As Freud said to Jung in Vienna, you can psych up too much for a darts match.' 'Bristow reasons; Bristow quickens; aaaaah Bristow!' 'Keith Deller's not just an underdog, he's an underpuppy!' - Deller would go on to win the 1983 World Championship final against Bristow with a 138 finish.

'He's as cool as a prized marrow!' 'He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.' 'When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer..... Bristow's only 27.' 'The pendulum swinging back and forth like a metronome.' 'He's been burning the midnight oil at both ends.' 'That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank' 'This lad has more checkouts than Tescos.' 'Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles.' 'Steve Beaton - The adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance - a true roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax.' 'Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts orbit!' The weird world of darts - The Sports Factor - ABC Radio National (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) The weird world of darts Broadcast: Friday 11 July 2008 8:30AM It's not quite the sport of kings, but darts (yes darts) inspires passionate fans and charismatic champions.

For thirty years the man describing each flighted flick has been Sid Waddell, doyen of darts commentators. (This program was originally broadcast on 09/03/07) Transcript Mick O'Regan: Good morning Mark. Two overweight men walk into a crowded, smoky bar and pull out a packet of darts ... [Excerpt of BBC Comedy Darts Sketch] Mick O'Regan: Darts and darts commentary getting the usual treatment on BBC TV. But as sports go, darts is very much on the up and up, a new international professional tournament is imminent, and the voice of the game, the iconic Geordie, Sid Waddell, has already been voted British Sports Commentator of the Year. In a moment Mr Waddell will join us on the program, but first I asked Martin Kelner, 'The Guardian' newspaper sports columnist, for an assessment of Sid's place in the world of darts.

Martin Kelner: I think he's seen in the UK, Mick, as in many ways, just Mr Darts really, although he commentated on other sports before darts; I think he did a thing at Yorkshire Television back in the 1970s called 'Indoor League' where it was darts, dominoes, all sorts of bizarre indoor sports, and from that he sort of fell into the darts thing. He's seen as a bit of a curiosity in that he's very learned for a darts commentator; darts are usually thought of as a pub sport, a very working class sport. He's an educated man, Sid Waddell, not over-educated but I think he's had a bit of a classical education, as people tended to do - he's about 60-odd now, as people tended to do in the '50s and '60s in Britain. So even with some of his quotes, he's one of the few commentators that would mention Alexander of Macedonia, or talk about Alexander the Great conquering the Persians. These are references that you don't normally get from most sports commentators in Britain.

Mick O'Regan: Because he's a Cambridge graduate, isn't he? Martin Kelner: Yes, he is. And he uses everything, that's the great thing about Sid, he'll throw in all his life experiences, whether it's watching football, soccer that is in the north-east of England, whether it's his university education, everything gets thrown into the mixer with Sid, so you never really know what he's going to come out with next. Mick O'Regan: Where do you think Sid's take on darts would sit with the darts enthusiasts themselves? Martin Kelner: They love it. Because he is clearly so enthusiastic.

He's got this fairly impenetrable Geordie accent, and when he does get excited - I write a column for The Guardian newspaper in Britain about sport on television, so often when I'm watching darts and I want to quote something that Sid said, I need to put it on pause, wind it back, and I have to listen to it four or five times before I get the exact quote, and if you look on the internet for quotes from Sid Waddell, you'll find that various things that he said sort of quoted differently on various sites because people just haven't been able to quite grasp exactly what he's said in the excitement. But darts people absolutely love Sid, they adore him. Mick O'Regan: Well let's talk about for a moment darts people. Give me the sort of profile of your typical darts exponent.

Martin Kelner: Well I suppose the cliché is that it's a guy in a pub darts league slightly overweight, a man who likes a pint or two or three or four, possibly in a smoky pub, which we won't have for very much longer in Britain, but possibly in a smoky pub in somewhere very working class, like Stoke-on-Trent; two of the top darts players at the moment are from Stoke-on-Trent, including Phil (The Power) Taylor, who is the No.1 darts player, even though he did lose his championship actually last time. So that would be your clichéd look, but of course it's quite big in the Low Countries now, a lot of Dutch darts players emerging. I think because of satellite television, I think the sport is expanding and getting a different sort of demographic.

I mean not markedly different but I think if you looked for your identikit darts player it would be a guy of about 40, slightly overweight, maybe a little bit flamboyant, possibly wearing one of those '70s haircuts, a lot of them wear those centre-parting, look like a member of Black Lace, or maybe some Australian heavy rock group circa 1978, that sort of thing. Mick O'Regan: Dear me, I was going to say they sounded like some of the cast members from The Sopranos - Martin Kelner: No, not so much The Sopranos, it's more I would have said, sort of heavy metal people from the late '70s, or indeed W.W.E. wrestlers, because there is that thing where they give them nicknames. They're obviously not quite as flamboyant as the wrestlers. Mick O'Regan: Few people are. Martin Kelner: Few people are, you're right. It's the same sort of thing they're going for.

Mick O'Regan: I realise that there is considerable skill in darts, and it requires both dexterity and great eye-hand co-ordination, but as a spectator sport it would seem to me to leave a tad to be desired. Just how is it presented on television? Martin Kelner: Oh it's a fantastic spectator sport, it really is. It's presented on TV, I mean you get the slow motion, you see the dart sort of twist around and go towards its destination, you get a close-up of the dartboard, close-ups of the players, there's always big crowds, the camera swoops around so you get a great crowd shot, then they'll find someone particularly colourful in the crowd, usually I have to say, and forgive me for being sexist here, but they usually find a woman with large breasts who's jumping up and down; I think that's one of the cameraman's main tasks, to swoop around and find somebody like that.

So there's colourful people in the crowd you see, and there's a lot of tension there, you know the chap has got to go - it's 501, he's left with 32 so he's got to go out on a double 16 and basically you see the close-up of the double 16, and it's so hard to do. When you look at that tiny little space, it's so hard to do, you get it, and then the cheering and they hold up their placards; it's a brilliant TV sport and because I have to write about broadcast sport on telly, I always watch it at home, so I've never been to live darts, but I'm told it's a magnificent experience if you're there, because everybody's so wrapped up in it. Mick O'Regan: Now Martin, we're just about to go and talk to Sid Waddell, who's kindly come into a studio in the UK for us, but a few years ago he was voted Sports Commentator of the Year; can I just get you to explain the significance? Who votes in that award, and what do you think it says both about Sid and about his sport of darts?

Martin Kelner: Richly deserved I would have said Sports Commentator of the Year for Sid, not sure who voted, it might have been a public vote. I don't think people would argue with it, a) because he's so associated with his sport b) because he's come up with so many rich similes and metaphors over the years: 'He looks about as happy as penguin in a microwave', which is a great image in the middle of a sports commentary. Mick O'Regan: Off the top of your head that's pretty flash. Martin Kelner: Oh yes, I'm not sure they are all off the top of his head to be honest, I think some of them he sort of scripts beforehand, they're just too good. Somebody got 3 treble 20s which is that small space you've got, and he said, 'That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble', which is just genius. Mick O'Regan: Indeed. Martin Kelner, thank you so much for joining The Sports Factor here on ABC Radio National. Martin Kelner: No worries. Mick O'Regan: Martin Kelner, from The Guardian newspaper. Now to the man himself.

Sid Waddell, welcome to ABC Radio National Sports Factor. Sid Waddell: Well I'm very glad to be talking to the Aussies; I've had the privilege of interviewing some of your star cricketers like Shane Warne and Ricky Ponting, and my son played cricket for Pudsey St. Lawrence which is just about the most famous club in England, and I had the pleasure of meeting several Australians came there as professional players. Mick O'Regan: Let's start with that. We're going to talk about darts in this interview, but given that you've brought up Australians, as an Englishman, a Geordie in fact, give me your tuppence worth about what you think of Australians in sport. Sid Waddell: Well I've got great respect for them because I come from Geordieland where sport because the infrastructure was coal mining, fishing, building ships. The attitude to drink and sport were the same, Let's have a lot of it; enjoy it as much as we can within our bounds. I think Aussies play sport the same way as famous Geordies like the Charlton brothers, and Jackie Milburn and in fact Steve Harmison of our present cricket team.

So I've always shared a lot in common since 1978 when I started commentating. Mick O'Regan: Your voice, your wonderful Geordie accent, are people from the north of England, do you think they have a different sense of competition and the significance of sport than, say, your compatriots in the south? Sid Waddell: I think that's an exact point. We have a more rumbustious attitude to life in Geordieland. My father was a coal miner, down the pits for 48 years, 10 years he was a salvage drawer which meant he pulled the roof down, said 'If it wasn't bad enough for your father going down below under God's earth for 8 hours, he pulled the bloody roof down.' Well that does give a certain je ne sais quoi to your attitude towards wine, women, song and sport. And I think in the south, games like cricket and when foot soccer started it was Corinthian, it was done by Oxford, Cambridge guys who went on to be judges, House of Lords, although I'm a Cambridge man myself. With us, sport has always been much more fundamental.

The best way to play the Geordie way of sport is to compare it with say the Sioux Indians, who are a mighty nation split into little tribes. We Geordies will kick hell Newcastle out of Sunderland. We call them the Maccams. They call us the Geordies. And that game, I used to go to that game in the '60s and see, we didn't go to see soccer, we didn't go to see headers or great skills like Eusebio on the ball. We went to watch a guy call Billy Elliot for them, kick seven bells out of Jimmy Spooler for us. We went to watch the fights, and I mean I think that attitude is that sport is more than sport to us, it's a way of life to Geordies. Which brings us to darts, in that they can scrub it up any way they like, they can ban the smoking, they can ban the drinking, but you'll never - you can get the player out of the pub, but you'll never get the pub out of the player.

Mick O'Regan: But let's stay with that for a second, because every time I've seen darts on the television, which I have to acknowledge, Sid, is not that often, it seemed to me to be a couple of great big blokes, both of whom would be drawing deeply on cigarettes and holding a pint of beer between throws, and the crowd would be going off; it was as if there was a fight that the crowd were watching. How can smoking and drinking, not that I endorse them, but how can they be taken from that context? Sid Waddell: Well they were, Mick, they were, in '86 and '87 when the game was about to enter a lull because of a lack of sponsorship. Some guys decided to totally clean the game up, and despite the fact that the main sponsors were firms who sold strong lager and cider, and cigarettes, they banned smoking and drinking from the Ockie. But nowadays the lads have a little swallow, behind the scenes.

In fact at the last World Championship where young Mitchell Clegg was from Australia, I swear that a South African bloke called Wynand Havenga was given a gift by an English lady fan, he opened the gift, which was a bottle of best brandy, he started to drink the gift at 10 to 6. He beat Peter Malley the No.6 seed, an hour and a half later, and he was interviewed by Sky having drunk a whole bottle of brandy, and you couldn't tell that the bloke had had a glass of water. Mick O'Regan: So what does that say to you? Sid Waddell: Well it does say that the game is a great tester of your own limits, need for stimulation. I've been doing it 30 years, and I've seen Jocky Wilson come off the stage after a semi-final, and fall in the drums because he was so drunk, and missed his opponent's hand. I have seen guys, a famous guy living in America, who never, ever had a drink, the only 'dry' player ever, a guy called Steve Brown. Mick O'Regan: The only dry player ever?

Sid Waddell: I've never met many who didn't have a little tickle, even Phil Taylor, the world's greatest ever, 13 times world champ, has the odd glass of wine, the odd port and brandy. Port and brandy means he probably hasn't eaten for six hours so he wants something on his stomach. It tends to be connected with a working man having downed his tools, Friday night, have a roll-up, go down the pub, and on the second drink they're going lovely. It's tied up with working class relaxation, and I think always will be. Mick O'Regan: Sid just to come back to - you mentioned Cambridge before, because in preparing for this interview, one of the things I read was when you went to Cambridge, and as I hear you now I figure that this is not the Cambridge that people might be thinking of in terms of 'Brideshead Revisited'. Can I get you to tell me about what it was like?

A young man from the North, keen on darts, going to Cambridge and realising that you can't get a half-blue, you can't get official recognition for darts, though you seemed to think you could get it for lots of other sports that don't have the calibre of darts. But what was going to university like for you? Sid Waddell: It was a very strange experience, because they thought I was an alien from Planet Zug. My accent, which I'm pedalling back on at the moment, was extremely fast: 'Hey man, what's it like here? How's it going now? Hey, where can I get a decent pint? None of this Southern rubbish'. I mean that's just the way I would talk normally in Geordieland, so I slowed it down a bit. Mick O'Regan: Thank you. Sid Waddell: I was actually, I knew a lot of guys there from Newcastle-on-Tyne Grammar School, a posh one, and I used to go and sit with them on the rowing club table. I was at St John's, which explains a lot. St John's is the biggest college in Cambridge and has the biggest social mix.

We had a guy from Australia there who tried to make us play Aussie Rules instead of Rugby practice, and it was a great polyglot college. I played soccer and rugby and then I hurt my right hamstring, so within 4 months there, I realised I wasn't going to get a blue at Rugby, so I started trying to get a blue at darts. This led us down some really strange avenues. We got to the blues committee, were told that we ought to lobby, they said. We said, 'What's lobby?' They said, 'Drink'. So we poured drink down a lot of guys who had blues. One of whom is now an Air Chief Marshal. We also got the university finals one year and there were only four of us, and it was a double to start rule. We got there at half past six and had six pints of the local ale. And the guy said, 'You'll hammer these lads, they are trainee vicars', and in walked three guys, one with a dog collar, one with a meerschaum pipe and the round was three glasses of orange and a half a shandy. By which time we were paralytic, lost.

Also on the rugby trial there, I had some new boots with steel studs, they fell out, so I shouted to the guys, 'I'm going to have to change me studs because these is felling out', which is perfectly good Flemish. That would mean 'I have got to change my boots, the studs are falling out of these'. And so they turned to each other, the selectors, and said, 'Who's the German kid?' So I was a bit like a fish out of water. The thing was, I was an open scholar, I mean I had a photographic memory, and I was very good at the academic side. So I was accepted actually in very many circles; I taught Sir Vivian Fuch's son Peter, who'd gone to public school where you wear short trousers till you're 16, and you run up hills when you start to get your hormones are working, and have cold showers. I taught him to play 3-card brag. Mick O'Regan: And how was he? Sid Waddell: Pretty good, pretty good, that's what happens to all these public school kids, you see all that cold showers and reading Latin.

Once they get away with the likes of me, they've got no chance. Mick O'Regan: Well indeed. But just on your academic career, because I do acknowledge from the research I've done, you did well at Cambridge but then you specialised in Indian politics, and we will come back to darts in just a moment, because it's why we've got you into the studio. But what was the attraction of Indian politics? Sid Waddell: Well I got into that by pure accident. I mean I got a pretty good two-one at Cambridge, I think if I'd have worked a bit harder I could have got a First, but maybe I took the wrong subject. I got a scholarship in History, which meant I was very bright at History, and I should have maybe changed to something like Economics or indeed English, but I didn't. So when I came out in the summer of 1962 I was practically unemployable, but I did fluke a job with the Professors of Economics, Sociology and Oriental Studies. So the Professor of one, the Economics guy, sent me to Newcastle to study the trade union records for the rise and fall of work on the Tyne in the shipyards.

And the other Professor sent me to a library, the Gulbenkian library, to try and find out the Indian election results, because the Indian Election Commission weren't going to report for 18 months. In between the two Professors I played a lot of darts, and went out with a lot of girls and played a lot of Rugby, because one thought I was in A when the other one thought I was in B. So I actually had a bit of fun working out the times trade cycle, and also six months ahead of the Indian Election Commission, and I got the Indian election results right by just pure research because I was very good at marshalling masses of facts, and then generalising them. And there's a book by Wyn Graith Humphreys, Maurice Jones which you'll find in Brisbane Library, the university library which has 'To Sid Waddell who wrestled with statistics for me'. So I actually got the Indian election results right, me on me own, when 600 Indians took another year to get it right. Well presumably they were working their ticket like I was.

Mick O'Regan: Now that capacity to get across lots of different statistics and facts and then generalise, has that become an element of your sporting commentary? Sid Waddell: I think, it's a very good point this, because if I'd have put half the effort in at Cambridge that I do put into preparing for darts commentaries, I don't mean just cracking wise, I would have been Emeritus Professor of History at Cambridge now. Instead of looking forward to going to a darts match in Aberdeen, tomorrow. Mick O'Regan: In Aberdeen tomorrow? Sid Waddell: Yes, we're in the middle of the premier darts league where Taylor and Van Barneveld have taken each other on with six others, and they play weekly. And last week Taylor who's been having a slow time since the World Final defeat, was 5-1 down to Barneveld in a best of 14 legs, came out after a commercial break and averaged 115 each time to the board, and won the match 8-6. One of the greatest bits of darts I've ever seen in my life.

So getting ready for that's fairly easy, but getting ready for other things, it's players who are on the cusp who aren't playing well, that you've got to sort of keep tabs on their averages last five or six times out. Mick O'Regan: Just thinking of darts players, are they all cut from the same cloth? Or do you have diverse sorts of characters? And I ask you this thinking of a particular piece of commentary that I've heard where you compared the three-times world champion Eric Bristow to Alexander the Great, and I'm intrigued by the comparison, but can we generalise about champion darts players? Sid Waddell: Well that particular quote was because Bristow has, or had in his prime, classic sort of Greek locks; he's got a big pronounced curved nose, he's got a sneery lip, and his hair was long and he had gold highlights in it. And I said, 'When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer.

Bristow's only 27.' Brissy by then was world champ for the fourth time, he had the world ahead of him, and then what happened he got the dart-itis. So there was also the subtext, that just like that Alexander popping his clogs when he was 33, Brissy should have had ten world titles, only got five, because fate intervened. So it was a mixture of my, like, background reading, (I've been reading since I was about 7, a voracious reader, I've got a photographic memory) and also saying to a television picture, which I'll say myself I'm good at, what's not obvious. The point with darts is that there's two blokes chucking bits of metal at a mat, and you can see the drama one side, the tension, the disappointment or the ecstasy, or in fact the sledging; and on the other side you see the absolute precision you get with golf, of the ball going down the hole, of these guys hitting 60s. The commentator cannot just sit and say 'Here's a fat bloke who's had a pint, oh yes, he's hit a 60'.

You've got to be much more zany and say, 'No Christmas cards going between these two. Wow! That ain't professional jealousy, that's amateur jealousy'. You know? You've got to bring to the party something that is maybe not needed in other sports. I'd get strangled if I did this at the Sydney Cricket Ground or at Newcastle United's ground, strangled, because they'd think you were taking in the Michael. It particularly works with a monotone sport like darts where brilliance is two blokes doing the same thing. '140, 180, 180! These boys have been having rice krispies for breakfast!' You've got to make an oblique, vivid comment on it. Mick O'Regan: Why is that do you think? Because the audience, it's not enough seeing those flighted pieces of metal hit the mat, the audience actually wants it embroidered by the commentator? Is that your job? Sid Waddell: I don't think it's embroider, I think what we're trying to do is to bring, is to verbalise our own excitement, as well as that of the crowd.

Mick O'Regan: But doesn't that suggest that you have to replicate the excitement of the game, that the game isn't exciting? Sid Waddell: No I think it's the opposite, I think you have commentators; the best ones do it by their tone. Boycott I think is one of the best in the world, 'Oh me granny could have hit that half way to Wagga Wagga with a frying pan.' You know Boycott cares, you know he would have hit it different, and he's using mockery. Richie Benaud would be laid back and dry; they're not necessarily the best of friends, these two, that dryness would suck you in. We do it by manic. Now the lads in the pub think it's hilarious and funny, but there are people who think you're trying to start World War III. It's a combination, I think they think that because you are Geordie, that you're dumb. Mick O'Regan: Truly? Sid Waddell: Yes, well in England there's still this class thing that you should try to talk like the BBC news readers.

The only problem is, Mick, when I talk like this, I don't know what the hell I'm on about. It's a bit tricky, I think it's still a class thing in England. Well I think it's because, they think because I've got a good degree, and I've been at universities and all that sort of thing, that I should have melded the way I talk, as well as possibly the way I think, to fit where I'm supposed to be. Well it doesn't work like that with me, and I think they think it's a performance. And to some extent, it is, because I try never to repeat the gags or the jokes. But some of the areas I go to. Manly throws these big funny fat darts, I say, 'Oh, that's like chucking three pickled onions into a thimble!' Or in the World Final, when Taylor was murdering Barney [van Barneveld], and Barney was throwing sloppily before he got going, I said, 'When a tiger comes to tea you don't put sauce on yourself.

So this is no time to reach for the jammy dodgers', I don't know if you've got them in Australia, they're biscuits. Mick O'Regan: No, we don't. Sid Waddell: The fact that I will go to vivid working-class language, rather than say, 'There's a strong chance that this contest has not yet been concluded. We could see some fireworks before the termination.' I'm not going there. Mick O'Regan: Do you see class still as a fundamental prism through which you understand your society? Sid Waddell: I think fundamental prisms yes, it is a very useful tool for analysing British society at the moment. Without going into it, I am old Labour, my father was down the pit 48 years and when he left, same pit, three different jobs, very dangerous, they spelt his name wrong on his leaving certificate. Bob Weddell instead of Waddell, and he said very dryly, 'After 48 years Sidney, you'd think they'd know me bloody name'. Now think there is still our New Labour for me well, not going into it, is just pale pink Tory.

Tony and the boys are in it for Tony and the boys, and I won't labour the point, but (sorry I didn't mean the pun - you see, they just come out Mick) Tony and the boys have got nowt to do with the Labour Party of Aneurin Bevan, Clem Attlee and even of Harold Wilson, but I think generally, the British are still obsessed by fripperies, hence the tie you wear, if you part your hair or not, the quality of your suit, what you drive, and particularly your voice, tends to give signals to people that they are used with. Mick O'Regan: Where does darts fit into that? Sid Waddell: Darts is, I think, a bit like how the Hollywood lads and lasses, Mel Gibson, whoever, might swan down to maybe slum. We get lots of soccer players, John Terry who's a big star with Chelsea - darts is a bit like going to a rock concert, if you know Robbie Williams.

Darts I think is seen as it's almost glamourous, because in these days where sportsmen have to be some of them aware (I'm a big soccer fan, big fan of Barcelona as well as Newcastle United) they've got to be monastic, you can't sit till 3 in the morning with Ricky Ponting or with Steve Harmison because their lifestyle is needed to be professional. I think with darts, it is the last hangout of the tattoed Amateur and the fans see the lads as the same. I think it is the availability is compared to the millionaires who play a premiership football. Mick O'Regan: Indeed. And just finally, when I was a teenager and still living in my family home, my mother, one of her favourite programs on the television was the English series 'When the Boat Comes In', which was full of people who spoke not as authentically but they spoke like you. You wouldn't be able to sing theme of that show would you? Sid Waddell: You shall have a little fishy, On a little dishy, When the boat comes in. Dance to your daddy, Dance to your daddy, My little man.

Now you see all you folks in Australia, why Sidney's career was never going to be on top of the pops. Mick O'Regan: Sid, you've been a terrific guest on The Sports Factor; thank you so much for being so generous with your time, and all the best with your future darts calling. Sid Waddell: Thanks a lot Mick, well a pleasure to talk to all the people in Australia because you've got a lot in common with us Geordies, and you Oz folks. Mick O'Regan: Indeed we have. Sid Waddell, thanks again. And that's it for the program this week. My thanks to our Producer Andrew Davies, and to the Technical Producer this week, Jim Ussher. You can't beat a bit of Bulls-eye | Express Yourself | Comment | Daily Express VIDS You can't beat a bit of Bulls-eye LIKE buses, you wait for ages then two world championships come along at once. For devotees of a sport played by seven million ­Britons, there is no better time of year.

By Adrian Lee PUBLISHED: 00:00, Sat, Jan 2, 2010 Supporters of darts, 35% of whom are women, often go in fancy dress to see the likes of Phil Taylor [] This weekend overlapping rival tournaments featuring the best ­players on the planet are being staged, with the accompaniment of clouds of dry ice, girls in skimpy skirts, pumping music and raucous sell-out crowds. Prize money for the two events is more than £1.3million, the stars delight in nicknames including Wolfie and The Power, while behind the razzmatazz the sport is riven by a bitter row which has simmered for 18 years. Welcome to the often bizarre but never dull world of professional darts. The sport, which appeared to be on its last legs in the Nineties, is enjoying a huge resurgence. Helped by a new academy for the nation’s most promising young players, darts is trying to shed its beer and fags image. There’s even a campaign to make throwing the small arrows an Olympic sport. In the meantime, darts attracts ­television audiences of up to five million viewers.

It’s claimed that only football has more armchair fans. Darts also happens to be one of the few sports in which we rule the world. At Alexandra Palace in London where the Professional Darts Corporation stages its version of the world championship, Phil “The Power” Taylor, was last night competing in the quarter-finals in his quest to lift the trophy for the 15th time. The final is tomorrow. Today, at the rival British Darts Organisation tournament at Frimley Green in Surrey, Martin “Wolfie” Adams is making a record-breaking 17th consecutive appearance. No one should doubt that darts has become a phenomenon. Next month the darts Premier League season begins at the O2 Arena and it’s predicted the weekly event will soon attract its first single live audience of over 10,000. More than 200,000 tickets have already been sold for matches in 2010. Taylor, who began his working life making toilet handles, is said to be worth £4million, while other top players earn more than £150,000 a year.

Sky Sports commentator Sid Waddell, the voice of darts for more than three decades, says: “Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to see darts players competing for a £1million prize fund. In the early Seventies the top prize was a Mini and a kiss from Diana Dors.” E xplaining the appeal of darts, which was first televised in 1962, he adds: “It’s working-class ­theatre. The heart of the sport is still the pubs and clubs. The players you see on television could be your best mate or your grandfather, so fans can identify with the stars. “More recently, the sport has begun attracting a wider audience so you’ll see champagne-drinking green wellie types sitting alongside blokes with shaven heads and tattoos. Darts is breaking class barriers.” Darts was officially recognised as a sport in 2005 and organisers have done much to change it from being perceived as a glorified drinking game. “Years ago I’d go into the practice room and there would be a bottle of brandy on the table,” says Waddell.

“I’m not saying the drinking has gone completely but now you’re more likely to see mineral water.” Yet, he insists, players don’t get the recognition they deserve. “Phil Taylor is one of the world’s top five sportsmen ever,” he says. “He’s right up there with Pele. Darts is a highly competitive sport. It involves hand-eye co-ordination and the top guys practise for hours every day.” Waddell likens the atmosphere at a live darts event to “the Christians entering the Colosseum” but insists it rarely turns nasty. There’s a healthy respect for the players because of their backgrounds but also because they are more approachable than stars from other sports. The commentator recounts a visit to the UK by Raymond “Barney” van Barneveld, the Dutch star who attracts hordes of orange-clad Dutch fans to the world championships. Waddell says: “For whatever reason he was on his own and he ended up staying with Phil Taylor, his biggest rival, who showed him round Stoke-on-Trent, his home town.

It’s the equivalent of Wayne Rooney going out to Barcelona and getting a guided tour from Lionel Messi.” Waddell estimates that up to 20 players are making more than £150,000 a year while Taylor and Van Barneveld are millionaires. Holland is the world number two darts-playing country , with 40,000 registered players. Now, though, there are plans to make darts truly international. “We’ve taken darts to Las Vegas and it has growing world appeal,” says Waddell, who was responsible for one of the sport’s great commentary moments. “He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave,” he remarked about one struggling player. The globalisation of the sport is a far cry from the origins of darts when archers filled a lull between battles by throwing miniature arrows at targets carved in trees. Today, each of the top players has his own signature tune. C aptain of England Martin “Wolfie” Adams, a 53-year-old who quit a bank job to play darts full time, is one of the favourites for the BDO tournament. “Like most of the top players I started playing in pubs,” he says.

“It’s an exciting sport with plenty of action and the rules are simple. The standards have improved massively.” Adams’s nickname came about because of his beard and he’s since adopted his own wolf. “It’s more of a brand than a nickname now,” he says. “It’s all part of the entertainment. ” Another recent development is the attention being given to the darts players’ wives and girlfriends – the DWAGs – including their own television series. Adams ’s wife Sharon is a swimming instructor and he laughs at comparisons between the DWAGs and the football WAGs. Although Adams makes a good living, home is a modest three-bedroom house near Peterborough and he drives a Nissan van. In fact, the DWAGs are more likely to be ironing their men’s playing shirts than shopping for designer clothes. Sharon has said that she can’t afford to look like Victoria Beckham and normally packs just a few jumpers for tournaments. At the last BDO world championship, the growing appeal of darts was demonstrated by the presence of the Princess Royal’s son Peter Phillips . BBC commentator David Croft remarked: “I’ve seen the lot now. Royalty in an Elvis wig and a cowboy hat. Your grandma would be so pleased.

He’s a top lad. Loves his darts.” At the big tournaments it’s customary for fans to wave placards. One brandished by a group of secretaries from Kent declared themselves “Tarts for Darts”. It’s estimated that 35 per cent of audiences are female and groupies are not unknown. The most contentious issue in the sport, however, is the fallout from 1992 when the 14 leading players split from the BDO, darts governing body and organiser of the world championship. Phil Taylor was part of the breakaway movement, leaving two organisations, the BDO and the PDC. Wounds caused by the split still fester today and top officials of the two organisations barely have a good word to exchange. In the often crazy world of darts it seems even a good feud is all part of the sideshow.

Question: Which British sports commentator famously said ‘He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave’?
Answer: Sid Waddell