ジ・オニオン
Department Head Rawlings, the mysterious head of an unnamed organization of international spies.
Don Turnbee, a 41-year-old who frequents fast food establishments.
かつての寄稿者には次のような者がいた。
Herbert Kornfeld, accounts receivable supervisor, an accountant who was raised on the streets and spoke in gangsta rap-isms and ebonics. Killed on April 30, 2007.
Arch Danielson, an elderly man who wrote "The Silver Screen", a series of rambling, non-sensical movie reviews that often diverted towards random topics. His persona was retired around 1998, in favor of Jackie Harvey.