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231,601 | Grammar Nazis see things only two ways The Reich way or the wrong way |
231,602 | A photon checks into a motel the clerk says, "Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room." The photon replies, "No, I am traveling light!" |
231,603 | I have a Step-Ladder... I never knew my real ladder tho. :\ |
231,604 | I can always tell by their eyes if someone is a primary school teacher They have small pupils..... |
231,605 | Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog. |
231,606 | The worst thing about being deaf is... when I masturbate, I can't hear anybody come in my room. *Not even myself.* |
231,607 | What does an elephant say, looking at a naked man ? You can't breathe from it |
231,608 | Malaysia has some of the world's best magicians They make entire planes disappear. |
231,609 | why is the bass player stuck outside? he doesn't know when to come in and can't find the right key anyway |
231,610 | Once you go black... ...you're a single mother |
231,611 | I told my wife not to turn her head away after giving me a blowjob, but she didn't listen. It went in one ear and out the other. |
231,612 | ME: *pointing gun* Give me everything. WORKER: Sir, this is a pet shelter. ME: I know. *carried off into the sunset by a wave of animals* |
231,613 | [Lions watching a romantic comedy about humans] Why doesn't he simply mount her with no apparent warning? |
231,614 | Why do Chinese warriors die so easily in battle? No matter how much protective garments they wear, there's still a chink in the armor. |
231,615 | two lesbians Lesbian 1: "Hey! I finally found your dido!" Lesbian 2: "Great! I knew you had it in you!" |
231,616 | Man in fatigues w SONY written on his forehead has handcuffed me&my sons to radiator & is forcing us to watch 8th Spider-Man reboot in 3 yrs |
231,617 | Money doesn't grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations. |
231,618 | Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon? Student: When you can't get your jeans over your thighs. |
231,619 | Massive explosion at a French cheese factory, first responders say cause is still unknown. All that was left was de brie. |
231,620 | What do you call a skeleton who just had anesthesia? A numbskull |
231,621 | What does a black person get after sex...??? A life sentence. |
231,622 | If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May Flowers bring? Genocide |
231,623 | "One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great saying... But apparently a bad way to tell your kid they're adopted. |
231,624 | I'm at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards*, use my atomic laser**, and open the safe*** * 3 cats ** can opener *** catfood can |
231,625 | TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's. Apparently they opposed integration. |
231,626 | Hello. It's me. I was wondering if after all this time you still had all the money you owe me. |
231,627 | I just realized that my sex life is like my movie habits. I stick it in, lean back, and fall asleep halfway through. |
231,628 | Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee? Mickey: Disney |
231,629 | Sometimes I think we're all going to be okay. Other times I read Yahoo Answers. |
231,630 | Just got my Facebook account suspended for reading a full article before I shared it. |
231,631 | What is her Majesty the Queen's console of choice? The Royal Wii. |
231,632 | What's 12 inches long and hangs in front of an ass? Donald Trump's tie. |
231,633 | God is cruel God said that good lil wayne songs could be found in all corners of the Earth. Then he made the Earth round and laughed. |
231,634 | What do black people get after death? Nigger Mortis |
231,635 | Einstein made a theory about space, And it was about time, too! |
231,636 | What's the difference between an amusement park and a pedophile? A pedophile doesn't have a height limit |
231,637 | What do you call a Kryptonian who loves popcorn? Kern-el |
231,638 | My wife was gang raped, impregnated and gave birth to a baby boy named Muhammed. Now they want to kill us for depicting the Prophet Muhammad. |
231,639 | Perfect pitch is... ...when you throw an accordion into a dumpster and it hits a banjo. |
231,640 | Boy born with no eyelids! The Dr. used the foreskin from the circumcision. Now the boy is cockeyed |
231,641 | Why did the hen win a Wild West duel between it and a Peacock? Hen shot first. |
231,642 | How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Some obscure number you probably never heard of. |
231,643 | A Buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand The monk says, "Make me one with everything." |
231,644 | What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman? Wait, I can explain everything! |
231,645 | Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? |
231,646 | SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP -Ma'am, that's a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks. ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE |
231,647 | Whenever I confront the messy baker I'm always walking on eggshells. |
231,648 | What did one cop say to the other cop while investigating a crime scene at a farm? A rooster! |
231,649 | Why are Jews so good at making action movies? Shlo-mo. |
231,650 | Broke up with my blind girlfriend She didn't see it coming |
231,651 | is this already a joke? Why don't pastry chefs buy taylor made cigarettes? Because they profiterole their own |
231,652 | What did one bunny say to the other bunny? "There's a sale on at the carrot store!" |
231,653 | The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen |
231,654 | TIL That I Shouldn't have gone to law school, because everyone in /r/news already has their law degree |
231,655 | What did the RAM stick say to the politician? I'm PC2! |
231,656 | what do you call a play about victorian era menstruation? A period piece! |
231,657 | Calculus should be taught in every high school around the world. It is such an integral field of math. |