index,season no.,episode no.,episode name,name,line
0,1,1,Pilot,Rick,Morty! You gotta come on. Jus'... you gotta come with me.
1,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"What, Rick? What’s going on?"
2,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"I got a surprise for you, Morty."
3,1,1,Pilot,Morty,It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about?
4,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Come on, I got a surprise for you.  Come on, hurry up."
5,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard!
6,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Morty."
7,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"What do you think of this... flying vehicle, Morty? I built it outta stuff I found in the garage."
8,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Yeah, Rick... I-it's great. Is this the surprise?"
9,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Morty. I had to... I had to do it. I had— I had to— I had to make a bomb, Morty. I had to create a bomb."
10,1,1,Pilot,Morty,What?! A bomb?!
11,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"We're gonna drop it down there just get a whole fresh start, Morty. Create a whole fresh start."
12,1,1,Pilot,Morty,T-t-that's absolutely crazy!
13,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Come on, Morty. Just take it easy, Morty. It's gonna be good. Right now, we're gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica."
14,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Jessica? From my math class?
15,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"When I drop the bomb you know, I want you to have somebody, you know? I want you to have the thing. I'm gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam."
16,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Ohh...
17,1,1,Pilot,Rick,And Jessica's gonna be Eve.
18,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Whhhh-wha?
19,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"And so that's the surprise, Morty."
20,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"No, you can't!  Jessica doesn't even know I exist! But—but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity!"
21,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not...  You don't got... Y-you don’t gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty."
22,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"What are you talking about, Rick?"
23,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"You-you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything. Sh-sh-she— she, she, she's all for you, Morty."
24,1,1,Pilot,Morty,I don't care about Jessica! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou—
25,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"You know what, Morty? You're right.  Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways."
27,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"That's it... that's it, Rick. I'm taking the wheel."
28,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Get off of me, Morty!"
29,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy!  I'm put—I’m, I'm, I'm, I'm puttin’... I-I’m, I’m, I’m not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb... dumb person and just le-let you ruin the whole world!"
30,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it?  What are you, crazy? Alright, alright, Morty."
31,1,1,Pilot,Rick,Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden.
32,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"We'll park it right here, Morty. Right here on the side of the ree... road here."
33,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Oh, thank god."
34,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"You know what? That was all a test, Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive."
35,1,1,Pilot,Morty,It was?
36,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Sure. Why not? I don’t, I don't know. Y-you know what, Mo—"
38,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Um...
39,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight. Who do you guys think is gonna be the best singer?
40,1,1,Pilot,Summer,"Oh my God, his head is in his food. I'm going to puke."
41,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"Morty, are you getting sick?  I told you not to practice-kiss the living room pillow. The dog sleeps on it."
42,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"I wasn't kissing a pillow, mom. I just I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something."
43,1,1,Pilot,Summer,Or maybe you were out all night again with Grandpa Rick.
44,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,What?
45,1,1,Pilot,Beth,Dad?
46,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?"
47,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,Damn it!
48,1,1,Pilot,Beth,Jerry!
49,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,Beth!
50,1,1,Pilot,Summer,"Oh my god, my parents are so loud, I want to die."
51,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Mm, there is no God, Summer. You gotta rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank me later."
52,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Okay, with all due respect, Rick— what am I talking about? What respect is due? How is my son supposed to pass his classes if you keep dragging him off for high-concept Sci-Fi rigamarole?"
53,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Listen, Jerry. I-I-I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything. It's your house. It's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar but I'll tell you something—tell you how I feel about school, Jerry. It's a waste of time.  Buncha people running around, bumping into each other. G-guy up front says, ""two plus two."" The people in the back say, ""four."" Then the—then the bell rings, and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or something. I mean, it's not a place for smart people, Jerry. And I know that's not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue.  This was a good breakfast, Beth. You really made the crap out of those eggs. I wish your mother was here to eat them."
54,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"Oh, dad…"
55,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,What? For real?
56,1,1,Pilot,Mr. Goldenfold,"Alright, now, everybody get settled. Get away from the windows!"
57,1,1,Pilot,Mr. Goldenfold,"Now, look, we're gonna be dealing with some real serious stuff today. You might have heard of it. It's called math? And without it, none of us would even exist, so let's jump right in. Two plus two."
59,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Jessica.
60,1,1,Pilot,Mr. Goldenfold,Five plus five.
62,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Jessica.
63,1,1,Pilot,Mr. Goldenfold,"Okay, good. It's time for the quiz."
65,1,1,Pilot,Mr. Goldenfold,"Yeah, you know what?! Aw, too bad! Tough! First row, take one. Pass it back for me. The stakes are high in this room.  There's crucial things happening here every day. People getting smarter. Some of y'all getting dumber. Some of y'all ain't gonna see 3"
66,1,1,Pilot,Jessica,"Hi, Morty."
67,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Whoa! Hi, Jessica."
68,1,1,Pilot,Jessica,Can I show these to you?
69,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Wow. Th-they're both great. Thank you!
70,1,1,Pilot,Jessica,You know what I named these? My little Morties.
71,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Uh, that's flattering... and a little weird."
72,1,1,Pilot,Jessica,Do you know what I want you to do with them?
73,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Rename them?
74,1,1,Pilot,Jessica,"Squeeze them. Manhandle them. Give them the business. See if you can shuffle them. I mean, really get in there and knock them around. No wrong answers."
75,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Wow. Well, okay, Jessica. L-let's give this a shot."
76,1,1,Pilot,Jessica,"Mm. Oh, Morty. What are you doing to me?"
77,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Uh, I-I'm just doing my best."
78,1,1,Pilot,Mr. Goldenfold,Morty! What are you doing to me?!
79,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Ah, Jessica."
80,1,1,Pilot,Mr. Goldenfold,Morty!
81,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Jessica.
82,1,1,Pilot,Mr. Goldenfold,"Five more minutes of this, and I'm gonna get mad."
83,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Je-Jessica. Jessica.
84,1,1,Pilot,Mr. Goldenfold,Not my fault this is happening.
86,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Uh, morning, Frank."
88,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you kind of had things handled without it."
90,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension. I need an extra pair of hands."
91,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank?"
92,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him. Now listen I need your help, Morty. I mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of business.  It's important. Come on, Morty."
93,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"I don't know, Rick. I can't leave school again."
94,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there, Morty? What do you think I can just do it all by myself? Come on!"
95,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Aw, geez. Okay. I guess I can skip history. What about Frank? I mean, shouldn't you unfreeze him?"
96,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"I'll do it later, Morty. He'll be fine. Let's go."
98,1,1,Pilot,Summer,"Hi, Frank."
99,1,1,Pilot,Summer,AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!
100,1,1,Pilot,Beth,Scalpel.
102,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Knock, knock."
103,1,1,Pilot,Beth,Jerry?
104,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"My manager gave me an hour for lunch, and I thought, ""hey, why not swing by where your wife works?"""
107,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"Jerry, please tell me you're here for an incredibly urgent reason."
108,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Well, it's lunch. I mean, it's one of three meals that have existed for millennia."
111,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"Okay, I only ask, Jerry, because, as you know, my job involves performing heart surgery."
112,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Well, yeah, on horses."
113,1,1,Pilot,Beth,Excuse me?
114,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Okay, Let's not rehash that fight. I sense that you're busy and will now be on my way."
115,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Whoa! What is this on the floor? Some kind of literature for a really nice-looking nursing home. Hey, honey, crazy idea bad pitch let's put your dad here. Let's put your dad in a nursing home."
117,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"Hey, Tom! We know when we're losing him. WE CAN HEAR THE BEEPS!"
118,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"There she is. All right. Come on, Morty. Let's go."
119,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Oh, geez, okay."
120,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Oh, man, Rick. What is this place?"
121,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty, called a Mega Tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about Mega Seeds. They're they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty."
122,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing."
123,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be—"
124,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!!"
125,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty!"
126,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Oh, Morty, take a deep breath. Breathe that breathe that fresh air in, Morty. Y-you smell that? That's the smell of adventure, Morty. That's that's the smell of-of-of-of a whole different evolutionary timeline."
127,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"All right, Rick, look how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't I be back at school by now?"
128,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Are you joking me? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there.  What the hell is that thing? You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school?  Look at it just lumbering around.  It defies all logic, that thing."
129,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters. That's kind of the reason why I want to leave."
130,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this?"
131,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty? Any idea what that is down there?"
132,1,1,Pilot,Morty,The mega trees?
133,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"That's right, Morty the mega trees with the mega fruit on them and that's what I'm talking about, Morty. That's where my seeds are. If we would have done what you wanted, I would have never have found them, because you're so in love with school."
134,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"All right, all right. So, what's so special about these seeds, anyways?"
135,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"You ask a lot of questions, Morty. Not very charismatic. It makes you kind of an  under-  underfoot figure."
136,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Just take these shoes, Morty. They're  special grappling shoes. When you're wearing these things, these babies, you can basically just walk on any surface you want, Morty up, down, below, turn around to the left. These things really bring it all together."
137,1,1,Pilot,Morty,AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
138,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"You have to turn them on, Morty! The shoes have to be turned on!"
139,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"I am not putting my father in a home! He just came back into my life, and you want to grab him and stuff him under a mattress like last month's Victoria's Secret?"
140,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"I told you I was ordering you something for Valentine's Day. More importantly, your father is a horrible influence on our son."
142,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"It's fine, Davin."
144,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Since we're fighting, if you ever have an affair with that guy, I will come to the hotel room and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies."
145,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"Look, I appreciate the stress you're under, but Morty was having trouble in school way before my dad moved in, and the only influence I can see Rick having is that, for the first time in his life, Morty has a friend."
146,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Well, maybe you're right."
147,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"Uh, yeah, maybe I am. I'm my father's daughter. I'm smart. Why do you think I'm a heart surgeon?"
148,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Ahem, Horse heart surgeon."
149,1,1,Pilot,Principal Vagina,"Hello? Mrs. Smith? This is Principal Vagina, no relation. I wonder if you and Morty's father might be able to have a chat with me this afternoon?"
150,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on  your legs right now. You know, you got to turn  the shoes on, Morty, for them to work. Yeah, look I turned mine on. I had no problem getting down here. It was a leisurely breeze."
151,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"I'm in a lot of pain, Rick!"
152,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect my seeds, Morty?"
153,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Are you kidding me?! That's it, Rick! That's the last straw! I can't believe this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me about getting those seeds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Y-y-you're a monster. Y-you're like Hitler, but-but even Hitler cared about Germany or something."
154,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Okay, hold on just a second, Morty."
155,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh!
156,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you."
157,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy?"
158,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Sure thing, Rick."
159,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore.  The stuff was all over the place, Morty."
160,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick."
161,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that  they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty.  It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they-they-they— they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left."
162,1,1,Pilot,Morty,What?!
163,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty."
164,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good. W-what are we gonna do? I-I have to be back at school right now. How are we gonna get back home?"
165,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid."
166,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Uh-oh.
167,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole, Morty."
168,1,1,Pilot,Morty,In my butt?
169,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit."
170,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Oh, geez, Rick. I really don't want to have to do that."
171,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty. Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Morty"
172,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Uuuh.
173,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"And they'll fall right out of mine. I've done this too many times, Morty. I mean, you're young. Y-y-you've got your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut, yet malleable. You got to do it for grandpa, Morty. Y-  you've got to put these seeds inside your butt."
174,1,1,Pilot,Morty,In my butt?
175,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Come on, Morty. Please, Morty. You have to do it, Morty."
176,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Oh, man."
177,1,1,Pilot,Principal Vagina,"The fact is, your son, Morty, has attended this school for a total of seven hours over the last two months."
178,1,1,Pilot,Beth,What? Why didn't you notify us?
179,1,1,Pilot,Principal Vagina,I done been notifying you. Have you not been getting the messages I've been leaving with Morty's grandfather?
180,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Boom! Told you! In your face! He is ruining our child! Wait, what am I celebrating?"
181,1,1,Pilot,Principal Vagina,"Yeah, see, I thought something was fishy there, because it's usually Morty's grandpa that's taking him out of school."
182,1,1,Pilot,Beth,Summer?
183,1,1,Pilot,Summer,What kind of God lets this happen?
184,1,1,Pilot,Principal Vagina,We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death.  And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take this to a racial place. I won't let them.
185,1,1,Pilot,Announcer,The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only.
188,1,1,Pilot,Announcer,The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only.
189,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?"
190,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt."
191,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a-"
194,1,1,Pilot,Rick,Why does he have to go over there?
196,1,1,Pilot,Rick,What new-  what new machine?
198,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Run, Morty! Run!"
199,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Aaaaaah!
201,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Ohhhhh!
202,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Ohhhhhh!
203,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Aaaaah!
204,1,1,Pilot,Rick,Don't think about it!
205,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Ooh! Oh, nice, Morty! The student becomes the teacher."
206,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Whoooooo!
208,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"I need to type in the coordinates to our home world, Morty. Cover me."
209,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Oh, man. I mean, you know, I-I don't want to shoot nobody."
210,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"They're just robots, Morty! It's okay to shoot them! They're robots!"
213,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"They're not robots, Rick!"
214,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"It's a figure of speech, Morty. They're bureaucrats. I don't respect them. Just keep shooting, Morty. You have no idea what prison is like here!"
215,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Holy crap! This is insane!
216,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Come on, Morty! We got to get the hell out of here!"
217,1,1,Pilot,Jessica,Wow. Did you just come into the cafeteria through a portal?
218,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Uh, yeah. Well, you know, my-my Ferrari's in the shop.  Just kidding."
219,1,1,Pilot,Jessica,"You're Morty, right?"
220,1,1,Pilot,Morty,Yeah.
221,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"You can get his number later. Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. You got to get those seeds out of your ass."
222,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Oh, look, honey. It's our son with Albert Ein-douche."
223,1,1,Pilot,Beth,What?
224,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"I'm an angry father, not an improviser."
225,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We talked about this. Your-your parents and I are very disappointed in-in this behavior... No? No takers?"
226,1,1,Pilot,Rick,You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your reasoning.
227,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,You're beyond our reasoning!
228,1,1,Pilot,Rick,Takes one to know one.
229,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else's."
230,1,1,Pilot,Rick,What what are you guys doing with my stuff?
231,1,1,Pilot,Beth,We're moving you to a nursing home.
232,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"A nursing home? What are what are you, nuts? I'm a genius. I build robots for fun."
233,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Well, now you can build baskets and watch Paul Newman movies on VHS and mentally scar the Boy Scouts every Christmas."
234,1,1,Pilot,Beth,What does that mean?
235,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,It's personal.
236,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Dad, mom, come on. Rick just needed my help is all."
237,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Morty, stay out of this. You are obviously not capable of judging these situations on your own."
238,1,1,Pilot,Rick,What are you trying to say about Morty? That he's stupid or something?
239,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"Oh, don't high-road us, dad. You know fully well that Morty is the last child that needs to be missing classes."
240,1,1,Pilot,Rick,I-I-I don't know what you mean by that. Can can can you be a little bit more specific?
241,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Oh, for crying out—he's got some kind of disability or something. Is that what you want us to say?"
242,1,1,Pilot,Morty,I do?
243,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Well, duh doy, son. Look, I love you, Morty, but we both know you're not as fast as the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world, you got to work twice as hard."
244,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Aw, geez, dad. Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once."
245,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of pi."
246,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Oh, come on, Rick. You know I can't."
247,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"The square root of Pi, Morty. Go!"
248,1,1,Pilot,Morty,1.77245385... Whoa!
249,1,1,Pilot,Beth,What the hell?
250,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,Holy crap. He's right.
251,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Morty, tell your parents the first law of Thermodynamics."
252,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"""The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to the increment of heat supplied to the system."" Wow! I'm so smart!"
253,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,But—
254,1,1,Pilot,Rick,I told the both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's a gifted child. He has a special mind. That's why he's my little helper. He's like me. He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life. He's too smart for school. He needs to keep hanging out and helping me.
255,1,1,Pilot,Beth,"Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop."
256,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"No, I-I understand. Uh, maybe we overreacted. But he has to keep going to school."
257,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no? You-you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us, from now on, it's gonna be clear communication."
258,1,1,Pilot,Summer,Frank Palicky was frozen to death today!
259,1,1,Pilot,Rick,No idea what you're talking about.
260,1,1,Pilot,Jerry,"Okay. Well, uh, Morty, it's your bedtime in an hour. Don't stay up all night again. This is good, though. This can work. I think we can be a family and now, Beth, if you'll have me, I would love to have you."
261,1,1,Pilot,Beth,You know what? Okay.
262,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Holy cow, Rick. I didn't know hanging out with you was making me smarter."
263,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Full disclosure, Morty it's not. Temporary superintelligence is just a side effect of the mega seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity."
264,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Aw, man."
265,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"Yeah, and once those seeds wear off, you're gonna lose most of your motor skills, and you're also gonna lose a significant amount of brain functionality for 72 hours, Morty."
267,1,1,Pilot,Morty,"Ohh, man.  Oh, geez! Ohh."
268,1,1,Pilot,Rick,"I'm sorry, Morty. It's a bummer. In reality, you're as dumb as they come and I needed those seeds real bad, and I had to give them up just to get your parents off my back, so now we're gonna have to go get more adventures.  And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that, Morty and you're gonna keep your mouth shut about it, Morty, because the world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important, and they'll tear us apart, Morty but if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things, Morty, and you're gonna be part of them, and together, we're gonna run around, Morty. We're gonna do all kinds of wonderful things, Morty. Just you and me, Morty. The outside world is our enemy, Morty. We're the only friends we've got, Morty. It's just Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty and their adventures, Morty. Rick and Morty forever and forever. Morty's things. Me and Rick and Morty running around, and Rick and Morty time. All day long, forever. All a hundred days. Rick and Morty forever 100 times. Over and over, rickandmortyadventures.com. All 100 years. Every minute, rickandmorty.com."
270,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,What? Why are you looking at me? You want to go outside? Outside?
271,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,Outside?
272,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,Are you kidding me?! Come on!
273,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,"Oh, my God."
274,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,What's wrong?
275,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,Your idiot dog!
276,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Oh, he he didn't mean it, dad. Did you, snuffles? You're a good boy."
277,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"Don't praise him now, Morty! He just peed on the carpet! Bad dog! Bad!"
278,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Morty, come on. I need your help tonight."
279,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"Hey, wait, hold on a second, Rick. You wouldn't by any chance have some sort of crazy science thing you could whip up that might help make this dog a little smarter, would you?"
280,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"I thought the whole point of having a dog was to feel superior, Jerry. If I were you, I wouldn't pull that thread. Come on, Morty."
281,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"Listen, Rick, if you're gonna stay here rent-free and use my son for your stupid science, the least you could do is put a little bit of it to use for the family. You make that dog smart or Morty's grounded!"
282,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,Ha-ha!
283,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Aw, man!"
284,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Boy, you really got me up against a wall this time, Jerry."
285,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"All right, Ruffles What's his name?"
286,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,Snuffles.
287,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Snuffles, shake."
288,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,Roll over.
289,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,Go to the bathroom.
290,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,Holy crap!
291,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,No way.
292,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Yeah, you're at the top of your game now, Jerry. Have fun. Come on, Morty."
293,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"That was fantastic, Rick!"
294,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Yeah, Morty, if you like that, boy, you're you're really going to flip your lid over this one."
295,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,W-w-w-what is it?
296,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"It's a device, Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people's dreams, Morty. It's just like that movie that you keep crowing about."
297,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"You talking about ""Inception""?"
298,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"That's right, Morty. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna may--be make sense."
299,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"""Inception"" made sense."
300,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"You don't have to try to impress me, Morty. Listen, tonight we're gonna go into the home of your math teacher, Mr. Goldenfold, and we're gonna incept the idea in his brain to give you A's in math, Morty. That way you can, you know, y-you're gonna help me with my science, Morty, all the time."
301,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Geez, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing, couldn't you have just, you know, helped me with my homework?"
302,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it."
303,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your teacher. You're frustrating me."
304,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mrs. Pancakes,You don't know me!
305,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mr. Goldenfold,"' Nice, Mrs. Pancakes real nice."
307,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mrs. Pancakes,You don't know me!
309,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,Uh-oh! Spoilers!
310,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,I'm a full season behind.
311,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house. It's really weird."
312,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"It's about to get a whole lot weirder, Morty."
313,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mrs. Pancakes,Wheat thins. Wheat thins.
314,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mr. Goldenfold,I'll take two.
315,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mrs. Pancakes,"Oh, I think you've had enough, sir."
317,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"All right, Morty, time to make our move."
318,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mr. Goldenfold,Make it bounce.
319,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mrs. Pancakes,"No, you didn't."
320,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mr. Goldenfold,"Oh, jiggle it now."
321,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mrs. Pancakes,You better stop with that.
322,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,Allahu  akbar! We're gonna take control of this plane! We're gonna 9/11 it unless Morty Smith gets better grades in math!
323,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Hey! I said nobody move, buddy!"
324,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mr. Goldenfold,The name's not buddy. It's Goldenfold. Nice to wheat you!
325,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Take cover, Morty!"
326,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mr. Goldenfold,AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
327,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,Ooohhh!
328,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated. I mean, the guy teaches high-school math.  I didn't take him for an active dreamer. We've got to take him out so he wakes up, Morty but we can't get killed. If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real, Morty."
329,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,What?! Are you kidding me?! Ohhhhhh!
330,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Don't be a baby! You avoid getting shot in real life all the time, Morty. Just do the same thing here, and we'll be fine!"
331,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,Now bring me my slippers.
332,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,"Now, be my footstool, Snuffles."
333,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,This is what I'm talking about. This is a dog.
335,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"You said the same thing, equally sarcastically, at our wedding and guess what?"
336,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,Ooowwwwowowwaawaa!
337,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,"Oh, my God! He's trying to tell us something.  That is so awesome."
338,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,Aaaawwaaaaawaawa!
339,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"Aw, he's saying ""I love lasagna""."
340,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,Ooooyayawawa!
341,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,"He's saying ""I love Obama"".  So cute! I'm posting this  online, like, right now."
342,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,I should call Bob Saget. Is that still a thing?
343,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,Hmm?
344,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Goldenfold, we're coming out! We just want to talk!"
346,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,Because we're both rational adults that don't want anything bad to happen. And because I have a human shield.
347,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mr. Goldenfold,Mrs. Pancakes! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
349,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Oh, no, Morty. His subconscious is panicking."
352,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoooooaaaa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoooooaaaa!
353,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,Whooooa! Whoooooooa! Whoa! Whooooooooaaaaa!
354,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
355,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Relax, Morty. Look! Mrs. Pancakes has a parachute. Come on!"
356,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mrs. Pancakes,"Hey, you don't know me!"
357,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Oh, no, Rick, look! Goldenfold landed the plane, and he's created a  mechanical arm to pluck Mrs. Pancakes out of the air while he lets us fall - into a giant vat of lava!"
358,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Pretty concise, Morty. Looks like we've merely prolonged the inevitable. That's it, Morty! Prolonging the inevitable! Listen, if we go into Mrs. Pancakes' dream, everything will go 100 times slower, Morty. That'll buy us some time to figure this out!"
359,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mrs. Pancakes,You don't know m-
360,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"All right, let's go."
361,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Oh, man, Rick, this is pretty weird."
362,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Don't judge, Morty."
363,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Okay. All right, well Look, Mrs. Pancakes is right over there. I'll just go ask her to tell goldenfold not to kill us when she wakes up."
364,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Whoa, whoa, Morty, the trick to incepting is making people think they came up with the idea. Listen to me. If we're gonna incept Mrs. Pancakes, we have to blend. I'll talk to you after lunch."
366,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Ooh, oh! Oh, man."
368,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"I'm sorry. No, no."
370,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"No, thanks!"
372,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"No, I'm okay."
373,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,Whoa!
375,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,"Hey, there, stranger. What do you think of these things?"
376,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross!
377,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the matter with you, Morty? Calm down! You're kind of killing the vibe in here."
378,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"It's Summer! Aw, geez."
380,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,"Can you blame him? Come on, old man, little boy. Let's make an inter-generational sandwich."
384,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Time to go another dream deep, Morty!"
385,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,What the hell? Why would Mr. Goldenfold's dream version of Mrs.
387,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Geez, I don't know, Morty. Wha-what do you want from me?"
388,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"Welcome to your nightmare, bitch! RAAAAAWWWRRR!"
389,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Oh, here we go!"
390,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,Ooooooohhhhh! Holy crap!
391,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,Looks like some sort of legally safe knock-off of an '80s horror character with miniature swords for fingers instead of knives.
392,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"I'm scary Terry. You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!"
393,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"Whoa! Hey, buddy. What you got going on there?"
394,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,Snuffles fix. Make better.
395,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,Humans understand snuffles now? That is awesome!
396,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,Snuffles want to be understood. Snuffles need to be understood.
397,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"Okay, yeah. I get what Beth was talking about. Fun's over."
398,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,"Whoa, dad, you can't, like, endow a creature with sentience and then rip it away."
399,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,Why not?
400,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,I don't know. It's Indian giving.
402,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,"Aw! Oh, my God! He recognizes the other dogs on TV."
404,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Holy crap! We have to escape into someone else's dreams, Morty!"
405,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man!"
407,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,The little girl!
408,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,Huh?
410,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Are you kidding me? This again? Oh, man, it looks like we've hit dream bedrock here, Morty."
411,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-whoa, this isn't good."
412,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"Nothing but fear from here on out, bitch!"
413,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,Ohhhh!
414,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Holy crap, Morty. He can travel through dreams. He can travel through dreams! We're so screwed!"
415,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,"Where are my testicles, Summer? ... Where are my testicles, Summer? They were removed. Where have they gone?"
417,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,Do not call me that!
418,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,"""Snuffles"" was my slave name. You shall now call me Snowball, because my fur is pretty and white."
419,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,"Okay, Snowball, just calm down, okay? You're scaring me."
420,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,Scaring you?
421,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,AAAAAAAHHH!!!!!
422,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,"Tell me, Summer, if a human was born with stumpy legs, would they breed it with another deformed human and put their children on display like the dachshund?"
423,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,Uhhh ...
424,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"Hey. Oh, wow. Okay, is is is everything okay in here?"
425,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,"Jerry, come to rub my face in urine again?"
428,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,Yeah. Totally. Let's go.
429,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,You will walk when it is time to walk.
430,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,What are we here for again? Incepting? We're trying to incept-
431,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"We're trying to incept me to get an ""A"" in math?"
432,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Oh, yeah."
433,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"Buckle up, bitch!"
434,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,Ooooooaaahhh!
435,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Man, he sure says ""bitch"" a lot!"
436,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!"
437,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding."
438,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,But that's the opposite of what-
439,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything?"
440,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick."
441,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,Worst-case scenario we're back to running.
442,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Wow, you know what? I mean, it looks like we could have just hid this whole time. Boy, Rick, that was some good thinking."
443,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Thanks, Morty. Yeah, it's nice to be on the same page every once in a while."
444,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,You can run But you can't hide!
445,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Oh, this is perfect, Morty. Look at that. He's getting sleepy. Just a little bit longer before he calls it a day. That's when we make our move."
446,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"Snuffles, we didn't mean you any harm! This is a huge misunderstanding."
447,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,"Dad, he wants to be called snowball."
448,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"Well, I'm not calling him that. That's ridiculous."
449,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,"You're being very aggressive, Jerry. Perhaps tomorrow Dr. Scraps will solve that problem with a bit of surgery."
450,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,Huh! You think you can control me with a haircut?
452,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,I don't want to talk about it!
456,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"Yeah, I know, I know. I shouldn't take my anger out on you or Scary Brandon. I love you, Melissa."
458,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Morty, this is perfect. After a little scary coitus, they should be fast asleep and then we'll incept him."
459,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,Looks like scary Terry's having a nightmare.
460,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Oh, boy, Rick. I can only imagine what horrible things must, you know scare Scary Terry."
461,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"Oh, no! I'm late to class, bitch! Oh, no! I'm not wearing any pants!"
463,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"Oh, uh, um ... ""Bitch."""
465,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Yeah, this is a bunch of bullcrap. Who cares what stupid pun you make when you kill someone? Why don't you let the poor guy say whatever he wants?"
467,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"You're putting too much pressure on yourself, scary Terry. You know, I mean, y-you're perfectly scary enough as it is."
468,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Hey, yo, scary T., don't even trip about your pants dawg. Here's a pair on us, fool."
469,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"Aww, bitch. I don't know what to say."
470,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"You don't need to say anything. We got you, dawg."
471,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"You're our boy, dawg. Don't even trip."
472,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"Oh, hey, it's you guys!"
474,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"If you guys ever need anything, just say the word."
475,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"As a matter of fact, Terry, there is something you could help us with."
477,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,I always hated that song!
478,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"These halves don't belong together, bitch!"
479,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,Sex is sacred!
480,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Scary Terry,"This is because you don't give Morty Smith good grades, bitch!"
481,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Mr. Goldenfold,"Holy crap! God damn! I know one thing for sure I'm giving Morty an ""A"" in math, and that's my idea. That is an original thought."
482,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,What the hell?
483,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Out of the frying pan dot, dot, dot, huh, Morty?"
484,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Oh, man, what's going on?"
485,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Well, it's possible that your dog became self-aware and made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but your guess is as good as mine, Morty."
486,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,I can't believe how mean snuffles got just because he's smart.
487,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Summer,This is why I choose to get C's.
488,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer."
489,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,- Dad! - Rick!
490,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,If we hurry we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something before the dogs completely take over.
491,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not going anywhere. This is my house. I'm not abandoning it."
492,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"It's all over, Jerry. The dogs are on a path to total world domination. But, hey, at least they know not to piss on your carpet, right?"
493,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"Wait a minute. I have an idea. Gentlemen, a moment of your time.  See that? I'm peeing all over your special guns. That means I own them."
494,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,Bad person. Bad.
495,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Ooh, great plan, Jerry."
496,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,"Bring the boy to me. You were always kind to me, Morty. That's why I will leave you with your testicles. From now on, you will be my best friend and live by my side."
497,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Th-thanks, snuffles."
498,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,Begin phase two.
502,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Mmm. Thank you, Fido. Rick! I thought you were dead!"
503,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon."
504,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,What?
505,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream."
506,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,But I-it's been like a whole year!
507,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like ""Inception,"" Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie."
508,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants."
509,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth."
510,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Aw, man, geez! Seriously?"
511,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these."
512,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something?"
513,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down.
514,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,What?!
515,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"It's necessary for the plan, Morty. Don't even trip, dawg."
517,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,Anything. Anything for my precious Morty.
519,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,"To hell with my kingdom, bean counter. I would trade it all for my human's health and happiness."
521,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,We are not them! We are not them.
522,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,"Taking over the human's world will lead to nothing but more heartbreak, more cruelty. Instead, we will go to a new world and colonize it with a society of intelligent dogs, one that will not make the same mistakes as humanity and one where pet insurance will be mandatory."
523,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"I'm gonna miss you, snowball."
524,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Snuffles,"You can call me snuffles, Morty, and I'm going to miss you, too, very much."
525,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Beth,Jerry?
526,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Jerry,"I'm sorry. It's just like the end of ""Old Yeller."
527,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Beth,"Oh, Jerry. You mean because it had dogs in it."
528,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"Wow! A whole world populated by intelligent dogs. I wonder what it'll be like, Rick."
529,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"I think it will be great, Morty. You know it could be developed in-into a very satisfying project for people of all ages. I mean, I'd watch it, Morty, for at least 11 minutes a pop. You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven."
530,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Morty,"You know, that's a real comforting idea, Rick."
531,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"What do you know, Morty? What do you know?"
533,1,2,Lawnmower Dog,Rick,"Oooh! This is how you dream, bitch."
534,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Principal Vagina,"Principal Vagina here, don't let the name fool you, I'm very much in charge, reminding you that tonight is our annual flu season dance. I don't know how many times I have to say this but if you have the flu, stay home, the flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration. You don't bring dead babies to Passover."
536,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Ohhh. Okay, here we go.    H-Heyy Jessica, ughh."
537,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jessica,What's up Morty?
538,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,Ugghh
539,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Brad,What are you doing?
540,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,Ummm
541,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Brad,"Wait, wait, Were you about to talk... to her?"
542,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Well, I mean, I was thinking about it."
543,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Brad,"Dude, Stay in your league! Look at how hot she is! You don't see me going to a bigger school, in a wealthier district and hittin' on their prettiest girl!"
544,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jessica,"Gee, thanks, Brad."
545,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Brad,"I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager."
546,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,"Eh, Try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape."
547,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"You're missing the point, Dad. I don't want girls, I want Jessica!"
548,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,"Ahhh, well,  I remember feeling that way about a young lady named your mom, and that's not an urban dis, your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her, I thought..."
549,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me."
550,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,"I beg your pardon, Rick, INAPPROPRIATE."
551,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school.  I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty, his marriage is hanging from a thread."
552,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,"My marriage is fine, thank you."
553,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"Jerry, it's your house, whatever you say it is is how it is,  but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed."
554,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Come on, Rick, don't talk about my parents like that."
555,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call ""love"" is a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it, your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science."
556,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Alright, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance."
557,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,"Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom."
558,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh?  I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great."
559,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that, you know... love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier?  Well, I was thinkn', you know, www... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing, you know, like maybe make some sort of love potion or something?"
560,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"Morty, that's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver."
561,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"YOU KNOW WHAT, NO RICK! I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER! Uh, I'm never gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick.  I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. Www...what about me, Rick? Www... why can't you just help me out once, once, for once?"
562,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass!  Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. You know what a VOLE is, Morty, you know what a vole is?"
563,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"It's a, it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical release in the mammal's brain,  ...that makes it fall in love. Alright Morty, I just gotta  combine it with some of your DNA."
564,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Oh well, okay..."
565,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones."
566,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,Oww!
567,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty?"
568,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick!  Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right?"
569,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof."
570,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Rick,"Ugh, unless she has the flu."
571,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,"Beth, do you still love me?"
572,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Beth,Want kinda question is that?
573,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,"The ""yes"" or ""no"" kind."
574,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Beth,"Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes?"
575,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,Yess.
576,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Beth,Are you gonna build them?
577,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,Noo.
578,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Beth,"Then what good was the ""yes""?"
579,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,"Wait, iii... is loving me the house or the homeless people?"
580,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Beth,"Loving you is work, Jerry, hard work, like building a homeless shelter. Nobody want to say ""no"" to doing it, but some people put the work in. So what do ya say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me?"
581,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,Sort of.
582,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Beth,"But I obviously sort of love you, don't I?  So stop asking and maybe I'll love you more.  Crap, They need me at the horse hospital."
583,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,This late?
584,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Beth,"The racetrack had a starlit derby, there's a seven horse collision, and Davin's there alone."
586,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Hey there, Jessica.  Whooa-whoopsie!"
587,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jessica,"Omigod, Morty. You look REALLY nice tonight."
588,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"WOW, thanks!"
589,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jessica,"I love you, Morty. I love you so much it burns!"
590,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Oh man. I love you too, Jessica!"
591,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Brad,"Is this punk bothering you, Jessica?"
592,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jessica,"LEAVE HIM ALONE, JERK!  I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM! HE'S MORE MAN THEN YOU WILL EVER BE!"
593,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Brad,"Aw man, Morty, ugh, I'm really sorry."
594,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Oh, well, no problem Brad."
595,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Brad,"There's somethin' special bout you, somethin' special."
596,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Whoa, take it easy!"
597,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jessica,GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!
598,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Brad,BACK OFF I'M TRYING TO BE WITH MY MAN!
599,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Principal Vagina,That's enough Bradley. We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm.
600,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Brad,"Oh, Principal Vagina."
601,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jessica,"Never leave me, Morty, NEVER."
602,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Morty,"Uh, sure. I mean, of course not. What do you think that was all about?"
603,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jessica,Who cares? Just hold me.
604,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Brad,LET ME GO!!! I LOVE YOU MORTY!
605,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Jerry,She's gonna be alone with that guy all night.
606,1,6,Rick Potion 9,Summer,"Yeah, Dad, digging around the inside of horses. It's not a very romantic setting."
607,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,"Hurry up Morty, Grampa's about to unfreeze time. You know you really should be cleaning from top to bottom."
608,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,"I know how to vacuum Mom and Dad, Summer, I've been doing it for six months!"
609,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,"Then you've been doing it wrong for six months. Oh, my God, is that mildew?"
610,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,It's not my fault we froze time on a humid day!
611,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,"You have dropped so many balls, man. Do you ever get scared Grampa Rick might make me his new sidekick?"
612,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,What? What kind of monster are you?
613,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,A competent one.
614,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,Who cares about the  thing you guys are talking about? The whole point of freezing time is to stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad and let's get this dumb universe rolling. Let's do this thing.
615,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Alright, listen, you two, we froze time for a pretty long time, so when I unfreeze it, the world's time is gonna be fine, but our time's gonna need a little time to, you know, stabilize."
616,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,Our time is gonna be unstable? What does that even mean?
617,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty. I thought you learned that by now. It also means don't touch your parents or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards."
618,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,"Wait a minute, what?"
619,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,And away we go!
620,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,"Uh, did we ever put that mattress under Mr. Benson?"
621,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Shhh, Morty!"
622,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"...A THING OR TWO ABOUT... wait, what? Was the house...? When we pulled up I could have sworn the house was completely trashed."
623,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Negative visualization, Jerry. It explains a lot about where you're at. Hi, sweety."
624,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"Hi, dad."
625,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"Summer, Morty, are you okay?"
626,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,W-We just missed you a lot.
627,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,"Yeah, we missed you so much. Too much to hug you though."
628,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Yeah it would literally destroy them. Now listen, why do—why do—why—why don't you guys go get a free sunday ice cream,  go out there and get some ice creams. Here's five hundred dollars cash in unmarked moneys. I'm just gonna put it on the floor and uh, kick it on over to ya. You guys go nuts."
629,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"This better not be a bribe. If I find a single thing out of place in this house, my love of ice cream won't save you. I'll get my jacket."
630,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"Sweety, is your shirt on backwards?"
632,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,Oh!
633,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,Uh oh.
634,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"Yeah, I like it this way. I'm not stupid."
635,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,Phew...
636,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Man that guy is the Red Grin Grumble to pretending he knows what's going on.  Oh you agree, huh?  You like that Red Grin Grumble reference?  Well guess what? I made him up. You really are your father's children. Think for yourselves, don't be sheep."
637,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,"God, I feel terrible."
638,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Yup, it really makes you appreciate how fickle the universe can be.   One minute you're falling off a roof for six months, the next minute, bam!"
639,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,"Uh, just to be clear, it was Summer's job to put the mattress under-"
640,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,"Uh, what? It was your job, Morty."
641,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,Nuh uh!
642,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,Yeah huh!
643,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Actually, sorry Summer, I gotta back the M bomb on this one. I remember the conversation. We told Morty to replace all the bank's money with cookies, your job was to put the mattress under Mr. Benson."
644,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,"Boom! In your face Summer! You really dropped the ball, man."
645,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,"Shut up Morty, you vindictive little turd!"
646,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,You shut up you big... female asshole!
648,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,I didn't!
649,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,You didn't what?
651,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,What's yours?
653,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,You shut up!
654,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,Whoa whoa wh-what the hell hell hell hell hell?
655,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Oh God, oh no, what did you guys just do?"
656,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer 1,What do you mean?
658,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,"Wait, what am I saying?"
659,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,Were either of you guys uncertain about anything just now?
660,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,Oh man... I don't feel good.
661,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 1,Am I me? I think so.
662,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 2,A-am I talking right now?
663,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,"Wait, who said that?"
664,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Alright both of you, just don't move, don't speak, don't think. I have to check something."
665,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer 1,What should we do Morty?
667,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 1,Let's see if he needs help.
668,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 2,What do you mean you're gonna help him.
669,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer 1,"Ugh, I can help too."
671,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,What's happening Grampa?
672,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,Shut up!  Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain!
673,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 1,What do you mean?
674,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 2,What? In English?
675,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer 1,What? English please?
677,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossiblities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical.
678,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,But I thought there were infinite timelines.
679,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look."
680,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,"Oh, my God!"
681,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,Are those cats?
682,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"I assume they're Schrodinger's cats. A-actually, I assume they both are and aren't, just like us."
684,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,“Mom and Dad?” Get your head out of your family's ass. The three of us are lost in a timeless oblivion. Your parents get to exist. They're probably living it up in some pointless grounded story about their shitty marriage.
685,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,Cold Stone Creamery is the best. What should we do with our remaining twenty dollars?
686,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,You realize they sing no matter how much you tip.
687,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,Holy shit! What happened?
688,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,I hit a deer! W-we have to tell the cops you were driving.
689,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,W-what?
690,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,This is Rum Raisin!
691,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,It's still alive.
692,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"Well, do we- do I uh, get a big rock? Or--"
693,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"It's not an armadillo, asshole!"
694,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"I thought that's what a man's supposed to say, it's not like I could have actually done it."
695,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"If we were near a hospital, I could treat it, but I-I think we have to just-"
696,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"It's okay, this is just something that happens. And even if we were in a hospital, what could we do, you're a horse surgeon, not a deer surgeon."
697,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,So...
698,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,Well don't different animals-
699,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,Require different levels of skill to keep alive?
700,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,Oh God...
701,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"Get the deer in the car, Jerry."
702,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,Yes Beth.
703,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"This is why you don't freeze time, you guys. It's incredibly irresponsible.Morty 1"
704,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 2,And you did it so you could clean the house after a party?
705,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty. Like literally no time. Look around. Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable. Eventually everything either is or isn't. And we've got about four hours to be “is”."
706,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 1,Or...
707,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 2,Or?
708,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,We “isn't”
709,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Alright, since this time crystal exists in both possibilities, and since it's impossible that I didn't nail this, I'm probably about to press this button in both possibilities at exactly the same time."
711,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing. And away we go!"
712,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Huh, what do you know, it's working"
713,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer 1,"Ow, ow ouch!"
714,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 2,"Whoa, ow, ow."
715,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,Oh shit.
716,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,What the hell is wrong with you two!? I—I m—I m—I mean you four!?
718,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Good I'm glad it was painful. You do deserve it! I saw you, you're both  all over the damn place. We've been split for twenty minutes and your lives are already scattered to the quantum fucking wind? What the hell do either of you have to be so uncertain about? Your brand of zit cream? Which chair to sit in while I do everything? Come on, spit it out!"
719,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,"Well you don't exactly make it easy, Rick!"
720,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 1,You make fun of me all the time and now Summer's doing it too!
721,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 2,You're always picking on me and now you got someone to kiss your ass!
722,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer 1,Me? What about you? Would you get more excited to see me fail? You want Grampa all to yourself!
724,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Alright, cool it, I see what's happening here. You're both young, you're both unsure about your place in the universe, you both wanna be “Grampa's favorite.” I can fix this. Morty sit here, Summer, you sit here. Now listen, I know the two of you are very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand that as far as Grampa's concerned, you're both pieces of shit. Yeah, I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me grab my whiteboard. This has been a long time coming anyway."
725,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"Emergency, wounded deer coming in."
726,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Vet,"Three. Excuse me, you can't be back here."
727,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"I'm a certified horse surgeon, and this deer needs medical attention. Nurse, please move that snake."
728,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Vet,"That's my nurse, and as a horse surgeon, I'm sure that you know that deer have much smaller, much more intricate organs-"
729,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"As a vet, I'm sure you know a deer is closer to a horse than you are to a doctor, so let's save the measuring for when our dicks are out, it's time to save a life!"
730,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Vet,Geez...
731,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"That's odd, this deer's wounded."
732,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"Uh, yeah, I was there, you don't have to rub it in."
733,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,I mean it's been shot. With a gun.
735,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Vet,"May I help you, sir?"
737,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Vet,"Look, I don't know what the law says about this, but I took an oath that I would let no animal come to harm. Except when sterilizing, aborting or euthenizing them and also when eating them at almost any meal."
739,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"In your dreams, bitch! Scalpel!"
740,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"So in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial, overly sensitive, clingy hysterical bird brained homunculi. And I honestly can't tell the two of you half the time because I don't go by height or age, I go by amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical. Alright, everything resolved? Everybody nice and certain about their position in my world?"
742,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Alright, perfect. Sit still,  arms down, I'm gonna do this again, this time, be like Grampa."
743,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 2,You mean drunk?
746,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 2,No.
748,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Huh, that's weird. Oh, my God."
749,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,What?
750,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,That son of a bitch is gonna kill me!
753,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,Rick what the hell are you doing?
754,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,Saving our lives. After he takes me out he's gonna be coming for you!
755,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,Who?
756,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,Me!
758,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,Ahh!
759,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,Whoa whoa!
764,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Oh God, now there's three of them, we're outnumbered! Get in the cupboards! Wait, don't don't do that, they'll know... wait wait, think about getting in the cupboards but don't really. AAAAH IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT YOU SICK FUCKS? YOU WANNA SEE CHILDREN DIE?"
765,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"You son of a bitch, you don't stop living until I SAY SO!"
767,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Vet,Who's this now?
771,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,She normally works on horses.
772,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"Jerry, if you're not gonna help, get the fuck out of here! I will reach into heaven and yank your screaming deer soul back!"
773,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Vet,Jesus...
774,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Shh shh... I know where you are, you creepy old monster... I know how you think! Oh, is this where you think I'm going? You think I'm standing here? Well maybe you're right!"
775,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,"Holy shit, now what?"
776,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,"Well if all of me knocked out all the Ricks, and you peed in all of your pants, doesn't that mean that we're all synchronized?"
777,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,Right.
778,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,"Okay... so from now on, whatever we do we have to be certain."
779,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,Right...
780,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,I think I'm certain we're F'd in the A.
781,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Oh God, my head. What did you guys do?"
782,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,"We put you in a dog crate because you were acting crazy, and you caused another time fracture."
783,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,You tried to kill yourself!
784,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Only in self defense, myself tried to kill me first! Guys, I don't expect you to understand this, but time breaking twice means our problem is two times bigger and we've got half as much time to solve it. Well actually, I do expect you to understand that, it's basic math. C-could someone just let me out of here? If I die in a cage I lose a bet."
785,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,Well is there some way you can prove you're not a threat to yourself and others anymore?
786,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Ah, for God's sake, alright here, give me the time crystal."
787,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,W-what're you doing?
788,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Calling myself. Here, listen,  it'll probably go to voice mail since, you know, I'm calling myself."
790,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Don't fall for it, it's a bit."
792,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Hey Rick, it's Rick. Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. No hard feelings. I know you know I mean it too. Take it easy. Whoa. Damn, look at this, I'm blown up. Three new voicemails.  Yeah yeah, I heard this one.  You get the idea  we're cool now."
793,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,"Okay, well we're still not gonna let you out of this crate."
794,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,Fine I'll just do it myself.
795,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,If you could get out that whole time why didn't you?
796,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Because I waited until I was certain it was what I wanted to do, Morty. That's the difference between you and me. I'm certain, and you're a walking burlap sack filled with turds."
797,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,"You know, geez Rick, y—y—you're really tearing into me right now. You know, words hurt."
798,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 1,"Oh, my God!"
799,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty 2,It's a monster!
801,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer 1,It's a monster!
803,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Ey, ye ey, quit yellin' quit yellin'."
807,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"What the fuck?! Your time is all ripped up to hell! You broke your time, twice!"
809,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,How did this happen?
812,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Shut the fuck up! Oh, damn, I'm from the 4th dimension. I can hear all o' y'all. Now let's just see what we got here for a second."
814,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Ay, damn it, were you tryin' to use this to- oh, see, you broke time, and you thought you could just stick it back together with this? How you think you gonna move time while you're standin in it you dumn ass three-dimensional monkey ass dummies?"
815,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Mortys,"Oh way to go, Rick."
816,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Summers,"Yeah Grampa, way to go."
817,2,1,A Rickle in Time,All Ricks,"Oh, what you're just gonna listen to this guy now? He's got a giant testicle for a head! He came here in a bubble. For all we know he could be the David Berkowitz of Nutsack Land."
818,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Shut up. Here, put these on. They'll sync your possibilities up so I can bring you back to certain time. Y'all just-just negligent, now ay, ay, ay, the three of you, put your collars on!"
823,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Exactly, because you're being obstinate."
828,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Yes, we're back, problem solved."
829,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,"Yes, we're back to our own time."
830,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,"Yes no more cats, no more cats, oh you did it, you fixed it."
831,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Yeah, now keep those collars on so you don't break your weak ass time again."
832,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,How long exactly do we have to wear these things? They're really embarassing.
833,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Well since you're goin' to time prison, I'd say you can keep em on forever."
834,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,Time prison?
835,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Yeah, well I don't know where you expect me to think you got that crystal over there, but the only way you dumb ass, assin' ass asses could ever have one, is if it was stolen."
836,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,You stole a time freezing crystal from testical monsters?
837,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"I would have been happy to pay for it, Summer, but they don't exactly sell them at Costco. Besides, there's a larger lesson to be learned here. Get him!"
838,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,Ututututut! You'd better keep back! Man this will turn your ass into a third trimester fetus from 30 yards.
839,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Vet,Hmm...
840,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,Isn't there a kitten somewhere that needs a manicure?
842,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"Honey, it's gonna be okay. These men are from the Cervine Institute of Elk, Moose Deer and Stag. They can take this deer to a helicopter and fly it to the country's top deer surgeon on a wildlife reserve across the state border, where your jurisdiction ends."
843,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Vet,I guess that's the end of that.
845,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,We did it...
846,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Uh-huh, no motha- no, Earth, dude, I'm talking 'bout, yeah, with the dinosaurs. No, if you've get to the dolphin people, you've gone too far. Alright man, I'll talk to you later, okay.  You know what they do with 3rd dimensional life forms in time prison? Same thing they do in every other prison, only forever."
847,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,Why are you doing this?
848,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"You think I wanna be an omniscient immortal being transcending time and space my whole life? I got ambitions man, bringin' you guys in is my ticket up."
849,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,What if I told you there's a huge ticket up right behind you?
850,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,You really think I'm that stupid?
851,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Alright, hear me out on this. You're immortal, right, which means your life is infinite. Well in that case there's 100% chance that you'll eventually do everything, including turning around to look behind you."
852,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,I cannot argue that.
853,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Ah, God, gross and weird!"
854,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,Chris!
855,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,You killed my gun!
856,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Summer, Morty, take off your collars!"
857,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,What? What the hell are you doing?
858,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,Good question. I suppose the answer is
859,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Oh, no, what are you doin'?"
864,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Lis- ay, to, AH. But these arms are vestigial. Now you poked me where an eye would have been about six million years ago."
872,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Ow, I'm defeated..."
878,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"Look, I know I was kind of a nuisance today. I know it's my fault we hit the deer, and I know you wanted to be the one to save it."
879,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,Whatever. How petty would I have to be to care less about an animal's life than my own ego?
880,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,Hmm... you'd have to be pretty petty. But you'd still be the woman I married.
881,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,Where are we going?
882,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,One last stop.
883,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,Where's the helicopter?
884,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,There is no helicopter and there is no Cervine Institute.
885,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,But the top deer surgeon...
886,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,I'm looking at her. Thanks for F.D.'ing me up like that.
888,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,I need five minutes.
889,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"Jerry, this was the most romantic weekend I've ever had."
890,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,Thanks to Cold Stone Creamery.
914,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,"Yes, oh, yes, yes!"
915,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,Woohoo! Whoo! Whoo!
916,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,"Oh, that was a close call. Oh yeah, do it Rick, do it right."
917,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"You know what I'm talking about, oh yeah. I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty. Check me out I'm doing the cabbage patch dance. It's a classic dance, remember, like this. Oh shit look at that."
918,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,Do the cabbage patch. Do—do—do the dance.
919,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Summer,"Hey wait a second, how come you guys took longer to get here?"
920,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,I don't know. I think like one sixty-fourth of my collars didn't work. It's hard to keep straight now that I have sixty-three other memories of everything.
921,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,Yeah.
922,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,"But I feel like one of the sixty-four Ricks like, sacrificed himself for me, maybe, I think."
923,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,"Shut up, Morty. The last time you felt something, we all almost died. You little s—piece of shit."
924,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,"Hey guys, we're home.Morty & Summer"
925,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"Um, hold the phone, where did you guys get those necklaces from? Uh, Lady Gaga, table for three, am I right?"
926,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"Are you guys Power Rangers? But only on one small part of your necks? Hey, do those things need batteries? Were they included? Clean up in the fruit isle! Not in a homophobic way though, they're just fruity necklaces is all I was saying."
927,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,I'm gonna pee my pants.
928,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Morty,"Doesn't feel so good, does it?"
929,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Rick,No it doesn't. It hurts.
930,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Beth,I'm gonna pee-hee-hee.
931,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Jerry,"Somebody call the planet of Tron, we have three Tron people over here. But seriously, are these Halloween costumes? Are you going as motorcycles? With green headlights instead of normal ones? Are you dogs? Robot dogs? Gosh, you guys are lame. Are those chokers from the 90's? What is this, a 90's nostalgia thing? Are you guys in that movie “The Craft” with Fairuza Balk?"
932,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Hey man, when the hell were you?"
934,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,I told you past the dinosaurs.
936,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Come on, man, it's this way..."
938,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"There he is, there he is, there he is, there he is, stop, stop."
940,2,1,A Rickle in Time,Testicle Monster A,"Yeah, that's him. Hey, man, remember me?  I got something for your ass! You don't mess with time! You don't fuck with time, motherfucker!"
943,2,10,The Wedding Squanchers,Jerry,The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk.
944,2,10,The Wedding Squanchers,Beth,"Jerry, get a job."
945,2,10,The Wedding Squanchers,Rick,"Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job."
947,2,10,The Wedding Squanchers,Summer,"Gross, what is that thing?"
951,2,10,The Wedding Squanchers,Rick,"Ughhhh... belchflies towards front doorTurning back around and re-entering dining roomScoffsHovers over Jerry and fully shoves him into underside before flying away through open front door and into skyRuns to front doorFollow BethLooking into skyStill eating cerealUnscrewing and drinking from scotch flaskMorty waveskissing Beth's handHolding a suit in a dry cleaning bag* Your language has 'squanch,' in it a lot. Doesn't that become tedious and worn out like the Smurf thing?"
952,2,10,The Wedding Squanchers,Rick,"Beth, Squanchy culture is more... contextual than literal. You just say what's in your squanch and people understand."
953,2,10,The Wedding Squanchers,Beth,"Oh, okay... I squanch my family."
955,2,10,The Wedding Squanchers,Beth,"What? I do, I squanch my family."
964,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Oh boy. Time to go, Morty."
965,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Uhh, where?"
966,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"The Pentagon. I mean, not THE Pentagon.  The lame one, here on Earth."
967,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,"Is it God? If it’s God, do we get out of school?"
968,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,"It’s not God, Summer."
969,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,"She’s allowed to think it’s God if she wants, honey!"
970,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,"Shut up, Jerry."
971,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,Ok…
972,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,"Dad, what do you know about this?"
973,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,Morty and I are going to look into it. You guys hold tight.
974,2,5,Get Schwifty,Mr. Goldenfold,"Scary stuff, huh? Pretty freaky. Hi, I’m Morty’s math teacher. I’m also part of the street team inviting folks to the church downtown so we can pray together."
975,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,How is praying going to help?
976,2,5,Get Schwifty,Mr. Goldenfold,"Ma’am, a giant head in the sky is controlling the weather. Did you wanna play checkers? Let’s be rational! I’ll see you at God’s house!"
977,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"Gentlemen, gentlemen, one at a time! Simon?"
979,2,5,Get Schwifty,Nathan,"Have you tried sending it launch codes? Mr. President, what America’s got is 70,000 megatons of KABOOM-BOOM! And I say we show it right up this floating head’s ass!"
981,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,Stay back! This watch turns people into snakes!
982,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery.
983,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty.
985,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Hey.
986,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math.  This head won’t go away until  Earth shows them it’s got a hit song."
989,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"No, Frasier. A live performance of a newly-written, catchy, original song. The Cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved lifeforms."
990,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"All right, all right. Thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream.  The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies”? You people haven’t heard of The-Dream?"
991,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51.
992,2,5,Get Schwifty,Nathan,How do you know about that?
993,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"For God’s sake, Nathan, the man turns people into snakes. He can use Google Maps."
995,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,What? How is that possible? Do people just die when I name them?
997,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,Dear God.
999,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Good luck, Mr. President."
1001,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,Sanchez! Are you a musician?
1002,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"I dabble, Mr. President."
1003,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,Get this man and his grandson on a Blackhawk to Area 51.
1006,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,"Hi, Principal Vagina. The name’s real, possibly Scandinavian. I’m just gonna come out and make this pitch. The old gods are dead. Fuck all previous existing religions. All hail the one true god, the giant head in the sky."
1007,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,"Ah, di di di di.  Bob, Bob, I get it. But unless this  can beat that… what have you done for me lately?  So if you wanna excuse me, I’m going out on the sidewalk and dropping to my knees and pledging my eternal soul to the thing that literally controls the fucking weather!  Outta my way!"
1009,2,5,Get Schwifty,Mr. Goldenfold,"Ohhhh, this is my favorite part!"
1010,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Rick, are you really a musician?"
1011,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Who’s NOT a musician, Morty?"
1012,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Me!
1013,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Yeah, not with that attitude."
1015,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,B-b-but we don’t have a song!
1016,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,"Giant head in the sky, please forgive all that we’ve done. We’re sorry for increased levels of emissions and our racism. And of course, the amber alerts I keep ignoring on my phone."
1018,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"All right, Morty, let’s get ready to do it! Why don’t you, uh, find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat?"
1019,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Rick, I think we need to cut our losses. We get our family and portal out of here!"
1020,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Morty! Good music comes from people who are relaxed. Just hit a button, Morty! Gimme a beat!"
1021,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Oh man, ok, all right, um…"
1022,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,Ahhhhh yeahhhhh Ya gotta get schwifty  Ya gotta get schwifty in here It’s time to get schwifty
1023,2,5,Get Schwifty,Nathan,Get… schwifty? What the hell is that?
1024,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"It’s our world’s best effort, that’s what."
1025,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,Take off your pants and your panties Shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here I’m Mr. Bulldops
1026,2,5,Get Schwifty,Nathan,Mr. Bulldops?
1027,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"Don’t analyze it, Nathan. It’s working!"
1028,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,Take a shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here
1030,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,Listen! The storm is stopping!
1031,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Hey, take your pants off It’s schwifty time today"
1033,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,Please be kind to us for we are but tiny things with entire bodies stuck to your ground.
1035,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,"Now hold on a second, let’s be rational about this."
1036,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,"No, I’m… I’m just saying, we don’t know if there’s a cause-effect relationship --"
1037,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,"Oh, God, what’s going on now?"
1038,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,What the hell happened?
1040,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,I think planet Earth has just been transported.
1041,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,The head has left and sent its children!
1042,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,Holy CRAP!
1043,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,"Oh dear giant head, we apologize for that discussion! It will never happen again!"
1045,2,5,Get Schwifty,Cromulon,"WE ASKED THEM TO SHOW US WHAT THEY GOT. AND THEY DID. NOW WE’LL SEE WHICH OF THEM HAS GOT THE MOST. 24 HOURS, FIVE PLANETS, FIVE SONGS. BUT IN THE END, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE. PLANET MUSIC! All participation is involuntary. Disqualified and losing planets are disintegrated by plasma ray."
1046,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Uhh, it’s probably a bad time to mention it, but any astronauts you guys had in orbit are definitely dead."
1047,2,5,Get Schwifty,Cromulon,"Welcome back to Planet Music! First up, let’s hear the latest song from planet Parblesnops. The Greebybobes! SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT."
1049,2,5,Get Schwifty,Cromulon,DISQUALIFIED!
1050,2,5,Get Schwifty,Cromulon,There’s one every season. Moving on to planet Arbolez Meterosos. Arbolian Meterososians. SHOW US WHAT YOU GOT.
1053,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Like we’re not already under enough pressure!
1055,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Geez, Morty. The guy’s just doing his job. Take it easy."
1056,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Rick, Ice-T, could you guys take it less easy?! We’ve got six hours to come up with a song!"
1057,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Genius happens in the moment, Morty."
1058,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Well, can we at least go get our family? You know, so we can take them with-with-with us if we lose?"
1059,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"That’s planning for failure, Morty. Even dumber than regular planning.  Balls."
1060,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Morty, Morty, stop! Listen! There’s only so much charge left in this thing. If we portal home from here and back, we’re not gonna have enough charge left to get off-world. Get it?"
1061,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,What?!
1062,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Yeah,  you see, I try to shelter you from certain realities,  Morty. Cause if I let you make me nervous, then we can’t get schwifty."
1063,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Stop saying it like it’s a thing! You made it up!
1064,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Hey, Morty! Could you lick my…"
1065,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Rick, cut it out! That’s not funny, Rick!"
1066,2,5,Get Schwifty,Nathan,I’ve seen enough. These guys are one-hit wonders.
1067,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"And what’s your plan, General?"
1068,2,5,Get Schwifty,Nathan,"We still have the nuclear option. On my word, we can launch a nuclear missile at every one of those heads in the sky."
1069,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"Our planet’s held captive on a live game show and your solution is to shoot the audience? You can put your faith in nukes if we get through this, General. Until then, I’ll put mine in Rick and Morty. “Get Schwifty” was a jam."
1070,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,"Hello? Yes sir, yeah. Thank you sir, thank you. He says he’s proud of what we’re doing and hopes we have a great Ascension Festival! Happy Ascension!"
1072,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,We should pack up and leave town now.
1073,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,"I think it’s inspiring that our community is coping with fear in a way that involves a festival and homemade ice cream. If you’d stop being such an evangelical atheist, you might start enjoying yourself."
1074,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,Whoa! Look at you! You’re wearing the hat and everything!
1075,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,"Here’s yours!  Mom, do you mind if I cook dinner tonight?"
1076,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,"Yeah, sure. Wait, what??"
1077,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,I love you guys. You gave me life. And it’s the will of the many heads that all children honor their parents.
1078,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,Dinner sounds nice.
1080,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,"Father, can we please go to the Ascension?"
1081,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,Sure! Let’s go to the Ascension. Wh-wh-what is it?
1082,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,"We hereby send these un-wantables skyward that they might be inhaled by the many heads, later to be sneezed back to us as better babies!  Headward, free now to rise.  Headward, free now to rise.  Headward, free now to rise."
1083,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,"Oh yes, yes! Rise to the giant head! You are free to be free!"
1084,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,"A squeegee comes up from the garage, right? And he’s got a lobster in one hand and movie tickets in the other. He’s like, “I’m ready!”"
1085,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,Who would take a lobster to see Iron Man 3?
1086,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,"Aw, damn. We’re out of original flavor Fig Newtons. I should get going anyway."
1087,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Wait, wait, wait! Come on, h-hold on a second!"
1088,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,What?!
1089,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,Damn. You didn’t tell me you fuck around with portals and shit.
1090,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,That’s it!
1091,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Whoa, whoa! Morty! Give me that!"
1092,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,You lied! You lied about the charge! You were just being lazy! Get back! Sit down!
1093,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Morty, just put it down. You don’t know what you’re doing."
1094,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,I’m going to go find Mom and Dad.
1095,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,Nooooo!
1096,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Ahhhh, shit!"
1097,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"Ah, shit."
1098,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Ahhh, shit."
1099,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,And then Ethan played guitar and we learned the Seven Contemplations of the Head by singing them. It was really fun. Praise be the head!
1101,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,Yeah.
1102,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,"Hi folks, Head Priest Vagina. Thanks for farming all those potatoes. It’s 6 p.m., so if you’re a parent, you’re now entitled to adoration from your children."
1103,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,I’m going to start dinner!
1104,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,I don’t know what to say. Summer is doing really well here.
1105,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,"She’s aced every test in potato class, and look how important potatoes have become."
1106,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,She’s not getting pregnant or doing drugs or missing curfew…
1108,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,That’s not our business as long as Summer is thriving!
1109,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,Taco time!  I hope it pleases you as the head desires.
1110,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,"That’s wonderful, Summer!"
1111,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,"We’re so proud of you. But honestly, you don’t have to make dinner every night."
1112,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,"Of course I do, silly!  Oh my God, daddy, I’m sorry I called you silly! I’m so sorry!  Heavenly head and cranial creator! Forgive my transgressions against family and community! May my chores complete me as I complete them!"
1113,2,5,Get Schwifty,Birdperson,Morty.
1114,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Birdperson?
1115,2,5,Get Schwifty,Birdperson,"You appear to be dying. I will make efforts to prevent this, but can promise nothing."
1116,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Wh-What do you think, Ice? Probably a little over-developed."
1117,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,"Shit. Over-developed, under-developed. Bad songs are bad songs."
1118,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Well, do you think maybe, could you give me some help with it, or… ?"
1119,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,"Ah, hell no, man. You do your thing, but I can’t afford to get my pride wrapped up in your shame. You know what I’m sayin’?"
1120,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Ice, I don’t want to be a negative Nelly or anything, but  if Morty doesn’t come back with my portal gun and I eat it out there, it’s, uh, kind of your problem too."
1121,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,"Pfff. I ain’t worried about no Earth blowin’ up, man."
1122,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,What? Why not?
1123,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,"Yo, this is why."
1124,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,What the fuck? You can turn into ice?
1125,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,"My story begins at the dawn of time in the far away realm of Alphabetrium. There, every being is a letter of the alphabet. But I was frozen and exiled to the cosmos by my elders as punishment for not caring enough about anything. Earth is just one of the many stops on my lifelong journey with no destination. So you better believe I don’t care if it blows up! Cause I’ll just be ice, floatin’ through space, like a comet!"
1126,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Take it from me, Ice.  You can’t just  float around space not caring about stuff forever."
1127,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,"Pshhhh. Man, watch me. Good luck, Rick."
1128,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"Ok, things are getting out of hand. I better make sure Rick has everything he needs to “get schwifty.”"
1129,2,5,Get Schwifty,Nathan,"Oh, for God’s sake, that’s enough."
1130,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"What the hell are you doing, Nathan? I’m the goddamn President of the United fuckin’ States!"
1131,2,5,Get Schwifty,Nathan,"I’m setting the nuclear option to launch one minute into Earth’s performance. And you, Mr. President, I hope you like being hit in the face with a gun!"
1132,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"Wait, wait, wait, why-why --"
1133,2,5,Get Schwifty,Birdperson,I believe I can access the history of Rick’s gun and help you get back to him.
1134,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"But can you help me get to my family? You know, at my house?"
1135,2,5,Get Schwifty,Birdperson,"Is your intention to abandon Rick using his own portal gun? In bird culture, this is considered a dick move."
1136,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"All of Rick’s moves are dick moves! Wh-what am I eating? What is this, bird seed?"
1137,2,5,Get Schwifty,Birdperson,It is random debris. I found it in my carpet. I don’t know what humans eat.
1139,2,5,Get Schwifty,Birdperson,"Don’t be gross, Tammy."
1141,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Tammy… gross. Birdperson, you always stick up for Rick, but he doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He doesn’t think about the consequences of anything he does."
1142,2,5,Get Schwifty,Birdperson,"And as a result, he has the power to save or destroy entire worlds. And he is the reason you and I know each other. And the reason I’m alive at all."
1143,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,What’s that? Who’s that baby?
1144,2,5,Get Schwifty,Birdperson,"Morty, suppose you could retrieve your family from Earth but had to abandon Rick. I could give your loved ones shelter on Birdworld, even jobs, possibly as worm ranchers. How often do you think you might look up at the stars and wonder what might have been had you just put your faith in Rick?"
1145,2,5,Get Schwifty,Cromulon,"That was Chunky Tunk with “Full Ming Mong, Empty Gorp Dorp.” Up next, planet Earth!"
1146,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Oh God! We’re up?!?!
1147,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,"Jerry and Beth, your family is a golden example of what Headism has to offer the world."
1148,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,The world?
1149,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,Headism is a hit. We’re taking it worldwide and would like Jerry to be our church’s “Head” of Advertising.
1150,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,You… would?
1151,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,"Beth, we’d like to promote you from horse surgeon, straight past human surgeon, to “Head” of Medicine."
1152,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,That’s my dream! That’s my dream.
1153,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,"Thank you. This is all so overwhelming, but, uh… we can’t."
1154,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,Absolutely not.
1155,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,I’m sorry?
1156,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,"We’ve been waiting 16 years for our daughter to respect us, but the key is, it has to be “our” daughter, not this person she’s become."
1157,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,We’ll take our chances raising her without fancy new jobs outside of a potato-based religion.  And you know what? I’m sick of pretending that we’re together because of the kids in the first place! I married you because you’re the love of my life!
1158,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,"And I‘m lucky to have you and I never tell you that! You know, we will come out of this stronger as a family!"
1159,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,"Please don’t do this, please don’t do this! Summer!"
1160,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,"Summer, listen carefully. I stole a paper clip and I have it in my cheek but I don’t know what to do with it and it hurts."
1161,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,You’re going to be ok!  You will come back as babies!
1162,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,I AM a baby! I’m a baby NOW!
1163,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Hello? Is anybody here?  Mr. President!
1164,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,This is Bluebird. Code tango-niner-alpha. Abort launch. Abort! Hello?  He’s blocked me out.
1165,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Sir, I need to get to the stage and help Rick get schwifty!"
1166,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"It won’t matter how schwifty you get, Morty. The General’s got nukes set to launch halfway through Earth’s song!"
1167,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Oh my God! C-c-can you fly a Blackhawk?
1168,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,Can the Pope’s dick fit through a donut?
1169,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Uhhh, I’m not sure?"
1170,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,Exactly!
1171,2,5,Get Schwifty,Cromulon,SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.
1172,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Ahem.  Uhhh… lop-oo-lop-oo-lop-oo-dups, nop-oo-nop-oo-nop-oo-nuts."
1173,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,Headward free now to rise!
1174,2,5,Get Schwifty,Mr. Goldenfold,Hey! Look at the heads! Looks like the heads are gettin’ angry!
1175,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"I’m really bad at this, Morty! There are way too many buttons on this thing!"
1176,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"Mr. President, if I’ve learned one thing today, it’s that sometimes, you have to not give a fuck!"
1177,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Nup-oo-nup-oo-nup-oo-nups… ooh, tough crowd."
1178,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,I’m sure that has… that has nothing to do with this.
1179,2,5,Get Schwifty,Summer,The heads are displeased!
1181,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,Morty!
1182,2,5,Get Schwifty,Mr. Goldenfold,The heads love this! They love it when we DON’T kill the Smith family!
1183,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,No! Stop that! You’re not allowed to interpret the will of the heads!
1184,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,Call off the nuclear strike! This is the President. Stop the nuclear missile launch!
1185,2,5,Get Schwifty,Nathan,Just launch the missiles!
1186,2,5,Get Schwifty,Cromulon,BOO! NOT COOL!
1187,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,I’m the only one that speaks to the heads!
1188,2,5,Get Schwifty,Cromulon,DISQUALIFIED!
1189,2,5,Get Schwifty,Mr. Goldenfold,The heads disqualified Vagina! Get him!
1190,2,5,Get Schwifty,Cromulon,DISQUALIFIED! DISQUALIFIED!
1192,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,"That’s right, it’s me, Ice-T! I care now! You made me care more! With all due respect, I’d like to hear what Rick and Morty have to play."
1193,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,"What do you say, Rick?"
1194,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,I say…  Let’s do it!
1195,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,All right!
1196,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Ohhhh yeahhhh!
1197,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Come on, here we go!"
1198,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Ohhhh yeahhhh!
1199,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,Say it with me!
1201,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,Ohhh my GOOOOODDDD!!!
1205,2,5,Get Schwifty,Cromulon,"After 988 seasons of Planet Music, the Cromulons have decided to declare Earth the final winner and bring our musical reality show to a conclusion. Goodbye!"
1207,2,5,Get Schwifty,Mr. Goldenfold,Did he just say “musical reality show”?
1208,2,5,Get Schwifty,Jerry,"Yeah, it’s possible that we may have been correlating some things that weren’t actually related at all."
1209,2,5,Get Schwifty,Principal Vagina,HEEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!!
1210,2,5,Get Schwifty,Beth,We should go get him.
1211,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"I hope I can call on you again if we need you, Morty."
1212,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Sure thing! And I was kinda hoping that I could get a selfie with you?
1213,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,"Actually, if you try to tell anyone what happened here, we’ll deny it and probably worse."
1214,2,5,Get Schwifty,Morty,Understood.
1215,2,5,Get Schwifty,Nathan,DIIIIEEEE!!!!
1216,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,Why didn’t he turn into a snake?
1217,2,5,Get Schwifty,Rick,"Trade secret, Mr. President. Particle beam in a wristwatch… snake holster on the leg."
1218,2,5,Get Schwifty,President,I love this man!
1219,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,"Magnesium-J, Hydrogen-F. Father."
1221,2,5,Get Schwifty,Ice-T,I have changed. I am ready to rejoin my brethren on Alphabetrium.
1230,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,Don't worry about Jerry. He's gonna be fine.You hear me Jerry? You're gonna be fine!
1231,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Morty,Woahh!
1232,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,"ooo... Watch out for that stuff. It'll stain if it gets on your clothes, and it'll send into a murderous rage if it gets in your eyes or mouth."
1233,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,Why would you keep mutant bacteria in a pint of Cherry Garcia?
1234,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,"I know this isn't the time, but, you know, technically the second freezer drawer is mine."
1235,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,Not anymore.
1236,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,You're overreacting!
1238,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,"Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR."
1239,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Summer,Is he going to die?
1242,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the galaxy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest?
1243,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,"Go in the waiting room, Dad."
1244,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,"Fine!  Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for- Just kidding, I don't care. Well this won't do."
1246,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,A sequel.
1248,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,"Yeah me neither, we pretty much nailed it the first time."
1256,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Announcer,Eye-holes! Get them today! IKEA.
1257,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,"You gotta be careful Morty, if that guy catches you with a box of his eye-holes he comes bursting in through a window and just starts kicking the shit outta you. But it's worth the risk, they melt in your mouth Morty! They're delicious."
1258,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,"I can't believe you're explaining alien cereal, we're worried about Jerry."
1259,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,"Well you're thirty-nine years too late, or however old he is. Is he fifty? Oh man, Beth is, is Jerry fifity!?"
1260,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,Where am I?
1261,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,"Relax Mr. Smith, you're in an alien hospital. I mean to you it's an alien hospital, to me you're just in a hospital. There's another matter we need to discuss with you."
1264,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,My goodness.
1266,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,I see-WAIT! What?
1267,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,"It's perfect! The configuration of veins, the ratio of thickness to elasticity, the delicate asymmetry of what you call ""your balls"". With relatively few adjustments, your genitals can be molded into a working heart for the most important man in the universe!"
1268,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,"Yeah, but, I mean-"
1272,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,"Alright! That's enough. You're talking about my species! We understand genocide, we do it sometimes!"
1275,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,"Yes I will! That's right, assholes, take my penis, TAKE IT ALL! And tell Shrimply Pimples that when the galaxy came calling Jerry Smith from Earth didn't flinch!"
1276,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,"Hey, what's wrong Morty? Oh, you're worried about your dad, huh?"
1277,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Morty,"Huh? Uh, no no no, I'm-I'm just looking at that lady getting coffee. What's up with her face? Is she a human or is she like Worf. You know Worf, from Star Trek, where he has the shit all over his face but he's just a human in a costume, you know?"
1278,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,Morty let's-let's see what else is on.
1279,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Morty,Okay.
1283,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Morty,Whoa! Look! It's that lady with all that shit on her face like Worf from Star Trek! That was getting coffee! How did she get there!
1284,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,"Oh, man Morty. How DID she get there?"
1286,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,Is that something we should be concerned about?
1287,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,Just stay away from the coffee machine.
1289,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Announcer,"In a world, where there are eight Jan-Michael Vincent's."
1291,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Announcer,And sixteen quadrants. There's only enough time for a Jan-Michael Vincent to make it to a quadrant. He can't be in two quadrants at once.
1292,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Morty,"Rick, who-who is Jan-Michael Vincent?"
1293,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,"Oh man, I'm trying to remember Morty."
1294,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Announcer,Jan-Michael Vincent's are used up.
1296,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Morty,Is it important that we know who Jan-Michael Vincent is in order to get this?
1297,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,Nope.
1299,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Announcer,"This January, It's time to Mike down your Vincent's. Jan Quadrant Vincent 16."
1301,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,That's Jan-Michaels.
1302,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Morty,"Excuse me, nurse, can you take my temperature? Because I think I have Jan Quadrant Vincent fever over here."
1303,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Rick,"All right, Morty you've done it!"
1304,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,"So, we'll be detaching your sexual organ at the base by making incisions here,here, and here."
1305,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,Got it.
1306,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,Leaving a partial length of severed urethra to be threaded through-
1307,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,"Oh, you know what, I gotta laugh at myself here! I'm having a little laugh at myself because I just realized I haven't run this whole decision past my wife."
1308,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,"Oh, do you think she'll be okay with this?"
1309,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,"Oh, absolutely. Beth is automatically on board, always, with every decision I make."
1328,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,Smith family?
1329,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,Yes?
1330,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,I wanted to let you all know that Jerry is doing just fine.
1332,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,"But, ah, Mrs. Smith, could you come with me?"
1333,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,"Hi, honey, so, here's the thing-these guys-they want to completely remove my penis and use it as an alien's heart, and we just need you to sign off on it."
1334,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,WHAT!?!
1335,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,"Uh-oh, maybe we have a problem here after all guys. Yikes."
1336,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,"His penis will be replaced with a sophisticated prosthetic, now there's a wide range of options to chose from, they're all in this catalog."
1337,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,"I don't care about prosthetics, this is insane! What do you people think you're doing?"
1338,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,"I understand your feelings, Mrs. Smith."
1339,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,"Oh, I don't think you do. I bring my husband in for emergency medical treatment, he's gone an hour, and now you want his PENIS, and you hand me some... catalog. It's--It's--It's--It's, I mean."
1340,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,"Sheesh, well, there you go. Sorry. I know it's hard to understand but on Earth, love comes first."
1341,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,"There are those that believe, Mr. Smith, that Shrimply Pibbles represents love between all life. That his fate will determine the fate of hundreds of billions of sentient life forms."
1342,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,"Woah! Woah. So, billions of life forms?"
1343,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Alien Doctor,Hundreds of billions.
1344,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,"I mean, Jerry, y-you didn't explain the full gravity of the situation."
1345,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,"Uh, well, Beth, I don't think your decision should be based on politics. Who could argue with a wife's decision to keep her LOVER INTACT."
1346,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,"Well I don't think that's fair at all, Jerry. At all. In fact, I think this whole paradigm has sexist overtones."
1347,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,"Beth, can we talk about this privately?"
1348,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,"You know, I think, the bottom line is, Jerry, if you want to keep your penis, you should say, out loud, ""I prefer to keep my penis."""
1349,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Jerry,"But, Beth, what kind of man would say something like that if the universe needed his penis!?!"
1350,2,8,Interdimensional Cable 2  Tempting Fate,Beth,"Well, Jerry, what kind of wife would I be if I did anything to stand in your way?"
1351,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison! Oh, scary place."
1352,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Wow, Rick! That's -- That's one -- one heck of a story. I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen."
1353,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Oh, come on. Who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools to take out highly trained alien guards when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's?"
1354,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,"Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are, but wouldn't you like to go home?"
1355,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home."
1356,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Jerry,"Yeah, but you just got out of prison. I mean, how much of a step up from that is --"
1357,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself 12 times."
1358,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Jerry,You got it.
1359,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Six folds, huh? W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000? You cheap insect fucks didn't think I was worth your best equipment?"
1360,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,"Man, I told the money bugs. I said, ""You know who this guy is, right? You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer."
1361,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Well, you might as well order some pancakes, because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain."
1362,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,"Oh, I think you do. Eventually, you're either gonna relax your cerebellum."
1363,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,Shoney's.
1364,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,Or the Series 9000 is going to turn it into mush.
1365,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,Relaxed enough?
1366,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,"I admire you, Rick--"
1367,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,When I--
1368,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,"Rick, here's--"
1373,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Jerry,"I tell ya, the Galactic Federation taking over Earth -- best thing that's ever happened to this family. I just got my sixth promotion this week, and I still don't know what I do."
1374,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,Who cares how high they promote you? Everyone just gets paid in pills.
1375,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Jerry,"Well, when you're not sure what you do for a living, you can make your own rules."
1376,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,"Summer, show your father some respect. He's pulling down a six-chewable figure income."
1378,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"I kind of had big pills for lunch, and I  wasn't gonna eat any more pills.  Thank you, Conroy."
1379,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Jerry,"You spoil us, Conroy."
1380,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,Grandpa Rick wouldn't put up with this!
1381,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,Stop saying his name! He abandoned us.
1382,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Jerry,Willem Dafoe! Th-That's the guy I couldn't think of this morning.
1383,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,"Don't make my mistake, Summer. Don't deify the people that leave you. You'll end up a horse surgeon in a world controlled by aliens whose medicine keeps horses  healthy forever.  Horses live longer than tortoises now. Is that what you want for yourself?"
1384,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,Maybe I just want you to care if I run away yelling!
1386,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Jerry,Ooh!
1389,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Oh, any particular ones? You want to see my first boner, or should we go straight to the moment I discovered interdimensional travel?"
1391,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"' Ooh, your little flappy doodles are twitching. Does that mean you're aroused, or did you just get a signal that one of your buddies found a grape?"
1392,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,"It's arousal. Yes, I'd like very much to visit the memory of you inventing your portal gun."
1393,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Yeah, well, tough titties."
1395,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Well, that depends on who breaks first -- me or the titty."
1396,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,Someone special you remember? Is that your memory of her out there -- between where you were on 9/11 and your favorite sports blooper?
1397,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,"If we stay here, you'll die, along with all your memories. If you take me where I want to go she'll be there, too, won't she?"
1398,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,The day I invented the portal gun is the day I lost her.
1399,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,"Oh, that sounds cool. I can get what I want and you can say goodbye."
1400,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Fine, but I'm driving."
1402,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,Huh? What are you -- What are you doing?
1403,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"Grandpa Rick must have some secret lab, right? With, like, laser guns and jets packs and a space tank! And we can go break him out of prison! Look at these dead flies! Maybe if we arrange them in a certain order, it plays a hologram or it opens a secret door."
1404,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Summer, you're freaking me out. I know things have changed a lot, and I know you miss Rick, but getting him back wouldn't make things better. And, you know, we're not doing so bad."
1405,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"We're miserable, Morty! There's a mandatory curfew, their weird calendar made me 47, and they weaponized the Eiffel Tower!"
1406,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Hey, I like being 35. I-I can rent a car now."
1407,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"Because you suck! You've been keeping your lip zipped about it since Grandpa got arrested, but the fact is, you're freaking stoked to bail on him."
1408,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"He bails on everybody! He bailed on Mom when she was a kid! He -- He bailed on tiny planet! And in case I never made this clear to you, Summer, he bailed on you. He left you to rot in a world that he ruined because he doesn't care! Because nobody's special to him, Summer, not even himself. So, if you really want your grandpa back, grab a shovel. The one that won't let you down is buried in your backyard!"
1409,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,You're right!
1410,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"What?! No, I'm not right. I-I was using ghoulish overkill! Ghoulish overkill, Summer!"
1411,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Oh, God! Oh, God! Whoa, whoa!"
1412,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,Where are we going?
1413,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything.
1415,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film ""Mulan,"" where they -- where they -- they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory."
1416,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,"Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting."
1417,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Okay. All right, all right."
1418,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,Is that--
1419,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,Me. I used to wear blue pants.
1420,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,When'd you make the leap to interdimensional travel?
1421,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,I didn't. I did.
1424,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Young Rick,What?
1425,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Summer, nobody has to know about that. We could put it right back and pretend we never saw it, like we did with Dad's mannequin leg."
1426,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"Fine, stay here. I'll rescue Grandpa myself."
1427,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,And how are you gonna do that?
1428,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,I don't know yet. I'll make it up as I go. That's what Grandpa Rick does. That's what heroes do.
1429,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Y-You want to see what a hero Rick is? I-I'll bring you somewhere, Summer. Um-"
1433,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"What is this place? And what's with ""Hunger Games"" Summer?"
1434,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,That's my sister. This used to be my home.
1437,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Young Rick,Sounds lonely.
1439,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Young Rick,"Eh, pass."
1441,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Young Rick,"A different kind of Rick, I guess."
1444,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Young Rick,"Sort of. I just took a long look at myself, and I don't think this science thing is gonna pay off."
1446,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Young Rick,"That, Dianne, is the last great idea that will ever be had in this garage."
1448,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"Good roasted Cronenberg, I assume. Mom, you're looking feral. I can't believe Rick did this."
1449,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"These are the parts of Rick's adventures you don't get to see -- the parts he leaves behind. All right, it's been great, guys. I really only wanted to stop by here for a quick ""I told ya so."" So, uh--"
1451,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,What are you doing with that?!
1453,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,No! Why?! Why would you do that?! W-W-What is the matter with you people?!
1456,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,Hold your fire! Hold your fire! I'm Morty C-137.
1459,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,He's in prison.
1460,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,Summer.
1461,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him.
1463,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,Boo-yah!
1465,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,Boo-nah?
1466,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Young Rick,"Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt."
1470,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Young Rick,Nooooooo!
1472,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,Wow. This sauce is fucking amazing. You said it was promoting a movie?
1473,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Young Rick,"Carry the three, add a two. I got it. I fucking got it."
1475,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,"Whoa. I-Is that it, the portal gun?"
1476,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,Yeah. That's the three lines of math that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost.
1477,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,"Awesome-possum.  Mission Control, you getting this?"
1479,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,"Yeah! Thanks, Rick. I'll try to remember to shut off the brainalyzer. Actually, I think it shuts off automatically once your brain is liquid. Don't know, don't care. Pull me out.  Hey, pull me out! Can you hear me?"
1480,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Nope, they cannot."
1481,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,Why not?
1482,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Because the code you just uploaded wasn't actually my portal-gun formula, it was a virus giving me full control over the brainalyzer."
1483,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,What are you talking about? This is a memory. Y-You can't alter details of a memory.
1484,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"True, but you can alter anything you want about a totally fabricated origin story."
1485,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,It's a trap! Abort! I'm still in his Shoney's! Repeat -- we never left his Shoney's!
1486,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Mission accomplished, boys. Pull me out."
1488,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Okay, have fun in what's left of my brain. I'm gonna transfer to yours. Oh, there's not enough room for all my genius, so I'm leaving you with my fear of wicker furniture, my desire to play the trumpet, my tentative plans to purchase a hat, and six years of improv workshops. Comedy comes in threes."
1489,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Cornvelious Daniel,It's a trap! Abort! We never left his --   No!
1509,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,A city of Grandpas?
1510,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,It's the Citadel of Ricks. All the different Ricks from all the different realities got together to hide here from the government.
1511,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"But if every Rick hates the government, why would they hate Grandpa?"
1512,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,Because Ricks hate themselves the most. And our Rick is the most himself.
1520,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,"Operating an unregistered portal gun, radicalizing a Summer, conspiring with a traitorous Rick. How do you plead?"
1521,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,How is this a fair trial? O-Our lawyer is a Morty.
1522,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,"It's not fair, you have no rights, and he's not a lawyer. We just keep him here because he's fun. Look at him go."
1524,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,"We'll be lenient if you renounce your Rick. What say you, Summer?"
1525,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"I say fuck you! My grandpa was my hero. You killed him because you were jealous of him. That's pretty obvious from the haircuts. So do what you want to me, but let my brother go. He already renounced Rick."
1526,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,Morty?
1528,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"What? N-No, I don't want to see your Pog collection. I don't renounce Rick, and I never have. I was just trying to protect my sister. I wanted you to have a normal life. That's something you can't have when Rick shows up. Everything real turns fake. Everything right is wrong. All you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything. And, well -- well, he's not a villain, Summer, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more like a demon or a super fucked up god."
1529,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,"Let's not suck the ghost of his dick too hard. He was a terrorist, and now he's dead."
1530,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Oh, yeah? If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive. And if you think you're safe, he's coming for you!"
1542,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,"All right, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage. Obviously, I get her. You guys play Rick, Laser, Scissors for the Morty."
1546,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,Grandpa Rick!
1547,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,Duh!
1548,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,You're alive!
1549,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,Rick!
1550,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later."
1552,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,"That's enough, Rick."
1553,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,What -- What's this supposed to accomplish? We have infinite grandkids. You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here.
1554,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"That's a bluff. He's bluffing, sir. He loves me."
1555,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,"You're a rogue Rick -- irrational, passionate. You love your grandkids. You came to rescue them."
1556,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"I came to kill you, bro. That's not even my original Summer."
1557,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"Oh, my God. He's not bluffing. He's not bluffing!"
1558,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,R-Rick?
1559,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,Why not shoot through her?
1560,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"20 yards, nine-gauge plasma pistol, My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you, second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I'm encouraging you to do."
1561,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,What the fuck?
1562,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Or let her go, which I will reward with a quicker death."
1563,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,Because you love her!
1564,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Because it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot, which will be your least painful death. But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it. All you got to do to get that started is kill the girl."
1565,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,I hate you!
1566,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Not an issue, sweetie."
1567,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"That's enough! Drop the gun, Rick!"
1568,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Morty, I know you're too stupid to get this, but you're really fuckin' this up right now."
1569,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,I'm not letting you let my sister die! Drop the gun!
1570,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"I wasn't gonna let her die, you fuckin' moron!"
1571,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,Ha!
1572,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,Aww.
1573,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,The point is he thought I was going to.
1574,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,"I totally did, by the way. You're a fucking moron, Morty."
1575,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"Morty, you fucking idiot!"
1576,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"You're a serious fuckin' idiot, Morty! You basically killed us all! You're the worst! You're as dumb as a bag of sand."
1577,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Who's stupid now, bitch?!"
1578,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"Morty, we just got him back!"
1579,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Riq IV,"That was amazing, Morty. Oh, my God. Wow. Okay, let's wrap this-"
1580,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Good job, Morty. Let's go, kids."
1581,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,What?! What happened?
1582,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,Oldest Rick trick in the book.
1583,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"""Fake gun, shoot me in standoff."" Brilliant."
1584,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Ha, yeah. G-Good thing I saw that note."
1585,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,Can't we just portal home?
1586,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,Not until I finish what I started. And that is how you get level-nine access without a password.
1588,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Employee of the month, ladies and gentlemen."
1589,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"So, what are you doing with level-nine access anyways?"
1590,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,Destroying the  galactic government.
1592,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,Are you going to set all their nukes to target each other?
1593,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Ooh, or -- or reprogram their military portals to disintegrate their entire space fleet?"
1594,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Good pitches, kids. I'm almost proud. But watch closely as Grandpa topples an empire by changing a one to a zero."
1609,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Mr. Goldenfold,No longer will the insects have domain over surface world!
1610,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,"Jerry, what the hell is happening?!"
1611,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Jerry,The galactic government collapsed.
1612,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,Are you okay?
1613,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Jerry,"Look, I-I'm not proud to share this, but the truth is, I just kept crawling, and it kept working.  Oh, I'm glad you're okay. Are we ever going to stop paying for indulging your father? Our children, our planet, our jobs? Is there anything left to lose?"
1614,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,"Just each other, and I'll never let you go. And I'm so sorry I ever did this to us."
1615,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,Guess who dismantled the government?
1616,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,Please don't leave me again.
1617,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"I never will, baby."
1618,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,I was right. He turned himself in on purpose. It was all part of his plan!
1619,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Jerry, is there any light beer left? It's insane what you miss in prison."
1620,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Jerry,"Um..okay. No. No, no, no. Foot down time."
1621,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"No, you're right. Where's the vodka?"
1622,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Jerry,"Beth, it's him or me!"
1623,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Seems like you guys need some privacy. I'll, uh -- I'll be in the garage."
1624,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"What the fuck? Not cool, Jerry! A man's garage is his castle."
1625,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,Jerry's going to spend some time divorced.
1626,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Oh, I-I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie. I hope I had nothing to do with that."
1627,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,"Oh, God, Dad, that is not your burden to bear. I feel terrible that I misjudged you. This is gonna be good for Jerry."
1628,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,For everybody.
1629,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,For everybody.
1630,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Beth,I better tend to Jerry before he changes his mind and doesn't move out. I will leave you two to your adventures.
1631,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Summer,"Oh, my God. Nancy says they're drawing and quartering aliens in the school courtyard, and it technically counts as patriotism."
1632,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Geez! Are my parents seriously gonna get divorced? All right, Rick, I'm gonna go to my --"
1633,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Not so fast, Morty. You heard your mom. We've got adventures to go on, Morty -- just you and me -- and sometimes your sister and sometimes your mom, but never your dad. You want to know why, Morty? Because he crossed me."
1634,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Okay, take it easy, Rick. T-T-That's dark."
1635,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Oh, it gets darker, Morty. Welcome to the darkest year of our adventures. First thing that's different -- no more Dad, Morty."
1636,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Oh, geez."
1637,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"He threatened to turn me in to the government, so I made him and the government go away."
1638,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Oh, fuck."
1639,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,I've replaced them both as the de facto patriarch of your family and your universe. Your mom wouldn't have accepted me if I came home -
1640,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Oh, man."
1641,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"- without you and your sister, so now you know the real reason I rescued you. Oh! I just took over the family, Morty, and if you tell your mom -"
1642,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"Oh, man."
1643,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"- or sister I said any of this, I'll deny it -"
1644,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,You're gonna deny it.
1645,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"- and they'll take my side because I'm a hero, Morty. And now you're gonna have to go -"
1646,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,Oh.
1647,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"- and do whatever I say, Morty, forever! And I'll -- I'll go out and I'll find some more of that ""Mulan"" Szechuan teriyaki dipping sauce, Morty. -"
1648,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,What are you talking about?
1649,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"- Because that's -- that's what this is all about, Morty."
1650,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,Szechuan?
1651,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"That's my one-armed man! I'm not driven by avenging my dead family, Morty! That was fake. I-I-I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce."
1652,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,McNuggets?
1653,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"I want that ""Mulan"" McNugget sauce, Morty! That's my series arc, Morty."
1654,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,What the hell?
1655,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"If it takes nine seasons, I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty."
1656,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,"What are you talking about, Rick?"
1657,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty."
1658,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,What are you talking about?!
1659,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"Season -- Nine more seasons, Morty. Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce."
1660,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,What is that?!
1661,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"For 97 more years, Morty!"
1662,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Morty,What are you talking about?!
1663,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Rick,"I want that McNugget sauce, Morty!"
1668,3,1,The Rickshank Rickdemption,Birdperson,I am Phoenixperson.
1673,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Morty.
1674,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,Rick?
1675,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Morty!
1676,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,Rick?
1677,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Hey, Mooorty!"
1678,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something?"
1679,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage!"
1680,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Morty?
1681,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,Rick? W-where are you?
1682,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"On my work bench, Morty."
1683,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me?"
1684,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Flip the pickle over.
1685,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"What, I'm gonna touch it, and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something."
1686,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge."
1688,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,And?
1689,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"""And""? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job?"
1690,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,Was it?
1691,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here's something that's never happened before"
1692,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"Are you going to, I mean, you know, is this the first part of some magic trick?"
1693,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner."
1694,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"Well, can you move? Can you fly?"
1695,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,I wouldn't be much of a pickle if I could.
1696,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"All right, well, do pickles live forever or --"
1697,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. I'm a pickle."
1698,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,I-I'm just trying to figure out why you would do this. Why anyone would do this.
1699,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't."
1700,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. Where's your grandpa?"
1701,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Right here, sweetie. I'm a pickle!"
1702,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"What?! Why would you -- Look, we're running late. We have to go."
1703,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Where are you guys going?
1704,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"We have an appointment downtown that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, including you."
1705,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. I mean, I don't know if I can, ooh, geez."
1706,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling?"
1707,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,Morty!
1708,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"It's okay, Beth. I understand Morty's suspicion. I've misled him before. Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact.Morty, I assure you, I would never ""find a way"" to ""get out of"" family therapy. I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent the perception of my air quotes."
1709,3,3,Pickle Rick,Summer,Can't you just turn yourself back into a human?
1710,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Great question, Summer. The unfortunate answer is I did this to challenge myself. And it could take hours or even days before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me in a purse or a pocket, you know, if she really needs me to go."
1711,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Nobody needs anything! Okay, it's fine. I mean, you should just stay here and figure out how to stop being a pickle, okay?"
1712,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid hanging directly over you? Also, why is the string attached to it running through a pair of scissors attached to a timer? And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, exactly when we would have left for therapy?"
1713,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation."
1714,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late."
1715,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie?"
1716,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help?"
1717,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Can't argue with that.
1718,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,Great. We'll see you later.
1719,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it. Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah.  Oh, great. Stupid cat."
1720,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!"
1721,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!"
1722,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Oh, crap, that sun is bright."
1723,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet."
1724,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die.
1725,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Oh, God, moisture."
1726,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here!"
1727,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Oh! Oh!
1728,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular!"
1729,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Oh, shiiit! Oh! Oh! Oh!"
1730,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Come on. That's it.
1731,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Come get this delicious brine.
1732,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Aah! Come on! Come on, motherfucker! Come on!"
1733,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Yes!
1734,3,3,Pickle Rick,Summer,How is this even family therapy if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come?
1735,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog?"
1736,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"It's nobody's choice to be here, you knobs. The family was told to get counseling by your principal, even though it's not the family that was huffing pottery glaze in the art room and desk wetting in history class."
1738,3,3,Pickle Rick,Mr. Goldenfold,"Oh, the Smith family, minus a dad. You're patients of Dr. Wong, too?"
1739,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,Temporarily. By order of the school.
1740,3,3,Pickle Rick,Mr. Goldenfold,Me too. How long have you all been eating poop?
1741,3,3,Pickle Rick,Summer,We... have never... eaten poop.
1742,3,3,Pickle Rick,Mr. Goldenfold,"Uh, me, neither. Say, where did my family get off to?"
1743,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,"Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong. Come on in."
1744,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us?
1745,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"He got wrapped up in an experiment. He's a scientist. Like, legit, like on an inter-galactic, sci-fi level. His work is very --"
1746,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,He turned himself into a pickle.
1747,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry, I suppose that's a good segue into our little discipline cases here."
1748,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot?
1749,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"What? No, what kind of question is that?"
1750,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way.
1751,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. He's unpredictable and eccentric. The whole family is. Speaking of which..."
1752,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,"Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, and let me ask this. Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle?"
1753,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Wow. Ugh.
1760,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"I didn't say my father is perfect, I said his work is important."
1761,3,3,Pickle Rick,Summer,And she's saying what's important is that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here.
1762,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Oh, he did not!"
1763,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,Let's do an experiment here. I get the impression this family values science. So raise your hand if you feel certain you know what was in the syringe.
1764,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,Do you really not see what's happening here?
1765,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,Tell me.
1766,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy."
1767,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,"Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings."
1768,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,Fuck you.
1770,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Fuck both of you, too."
1771,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special."
1773,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"God damn it, I love myself."
1774,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Pickle Riiick!
1775,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Get that parkour. Get that parkour!
1776,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Hey, it's cool. Just need to find the nearest exit."
1777,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out."
1778,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Whoa! Who in the fuck's toilet is this?
1779,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,What is it?
1782,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,Where is it?
1784,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,"We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle?"
1787,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,"Put him on, and locate the phone he's using."
1788,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Hi, um, can you, uh  please let me out."
1789,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,Your mere presence in this building violates international law.
1791,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,You should know those men killed themselves.
1792,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,And how is that?
1793,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,They didn't  let me out.
1795,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,"Shut your mouth and do your jobs, you fucking children!"
1796,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Uh, is this not a good time or...?"
1797,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,"Some of my men are calling you ""Solen'ya"""
1798,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,That'd be a lucky break for you.
1801,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,Ah.
1803,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,...because this pickle doesn't care about your children. And I'm not gonna take their dreams. I'm gonna take their parents.
1805,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,He's just a pickle!
1807,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,He's not the only one.
1810,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,"Then Katarina is a prisoner. Perhaps I could arrange her escape, as well. She lives, Jaguar."
1812,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,"What do you think is in the syringe, Beth?"
1813,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,You're the one that costs $200 an hour. You tell me.
1815,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,Your kids think it might be anti-pickle serum.
1816,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases.
1818,3,3,Pickle Rick,Summer,I never said I was angry at you.
1819,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. You do it so you don't have to say ""I'm angry at mommy"" out loud."
1820,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"Oh, my God!"
1822,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,"It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, you could ask him --"
1823,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"He won't have to ask for it, okay? He won't need it. He'll just make more. He doesn't need anything from anyone."
1824,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,You admire him for that.
1825,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,It's better than making your problems other people's problems.
1826,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Oh, come on!"
1828,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,You should know that isn't original.
1830,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,There's nothing I won't do to see her again.
1831,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do to see my daughter, but killing you gets me to her quicker than your derivative bullshit."
1833,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"That will be your downfall, Jaguar, not being open to new experiences."
1835,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Jaguar couldn't make it.
1836,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,"Do it. Okay, you win, Pickle Man. I'm unsealing the building."
1837,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"No, thanks. I'm coming for you now."
1838,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,"Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds in a safe on level two. I'll give you the combination."
1840,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,"Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! Do we have a deal?!"
1841,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter when you set her free. Or I'll be visiting you."
1842,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,Jaguar's daughter is dead.
1843,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Huh, so you're a liar."
1844,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,Jaguar was an animal. You're an intelligent pickle. We can do business.
1845,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,I don't think so. See you soon.
1846,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,Is the helicopter here?
1848,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,Tell them we were robbed.
1850,3,3,Pickle Rick,Agency Director,"Farewell, Solen'ya."
1852,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live."
1854,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Oh, well, uh, she knows. I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment. In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants."
1856,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. Nope, just me. Yeesh!"
1857,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,I am afraid that my kids will get expelled.
1858,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,"Good. Summer, you go."
1859,3,3,Pickle Rick,Summer,I am mad that I can't huff enamel without people assuming it's because my family sucks. I hope to be seen one day as someone that just likes getting high.
1860,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,"Good job. Morty, do you have an ""I"" statement?"
1861,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,I am sad that I peed. I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet.
1862,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,Look at this family go. You guys are pros. What do you guys think about doing this once a week?
1863,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Ugh.
1864,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,You must be Rick.
1865,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Mm-hmm.
1866,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,I've heard a lot about you today. Your family is crazy about you. Your daughter holds you in very high regard. You're a lucky fella.
1867,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse?"
1868,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,Dad I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe.
1869,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. I have had a rough day. And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent."
1870,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,By changing you from a pickle to a human.
1871,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Yes.
1872,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,"Rick, why did you lie to your daughter?"
1873,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,So I wouldn't have to come here.
1874,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,Why didn't you want to come here?
1875,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything.  I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So...you asked."
1876,3,3,Pickle Rick,Dr. Wong,"Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness.  You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk -to belittle my vocation- just as you chose to become a pickle.  You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand.  I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some pee well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose."
1877,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. I, I shouldn't lie to you."
1878,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Oh, it's fine. I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. But I hope you know that's not what that session was supposed to be."
1879,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever..."
1880,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it."
1881,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Well, there was so much more at stake. I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist."
1882,3,3,Pickle Rick,Summer,Are we gonna go back?
1883,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Sweetie, could I get Get that syringe now?"
1884,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse. Oh, I'm sorry. You must be in agony."
1885,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,Eh.
1886,3,3,Pickle Rick,Pickle Rick,"Jesus. Jesus Christ. Therapists, man."
1887,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,Weird breed.
1888,3,3,Pickle Rick,Rick,"Man, I missed having hands and blood and a stomach."
1890,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"Really? Like, go somewhere? Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on."
1891,3,3,Pickle Rick,Rick,Absolutely.
1892,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"I, I liked her."
1893,3,3,Pickle Rick,Beth,"So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's?"
1894,3,3,Pickle Rick,Rick,"Yeah, either one. Either one."
1895,3,3,Pickle Rick,Rick,"You'll never get away with this, Concerto."
1897,3,3,Pickle Rick,Rick,"This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die. Make peace with your god."
1898,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die!"
1900,3,3,Pickle Rick,Rick,Jaguar!
1901,3,3,Pickle Rick,Morty,"Who? Who was that, Rick?"
1902,3,3,Pickle Rick,Rick,"That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy."
1903,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Don't let any of those things get away, Morty. If their DNA gets into Earth's food chain, our entire species could be sterilized."
1904,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,Then why aren't we killing them?!
1905,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Great. Next time I need a species sterilized, who's gonna do it for me? You?"
1906,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Oh, Rick! I-Is that the Vindibeacon? We're being called to assemble by the Vindicators!"
1907,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"I refuse to answer a literal call to adventure, Morty. Let it go to voicemail!"
1908,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Rick, the Vindicators only call when the universe itself is at stake! They're first line of defense against evil! They're the guardians of the unguarded!"
1909,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"They're the writers of their own press releases, Morty! They're a bunch of drama queens that spend an hour talking and twenty minutes jumping around while shit blows up. They're a phase. We did one, it was the big event of that summer. Let it die."
1910,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"I, Morty Smith, invoke my right to choose one in every ten Rick and Morty adventures.  Read 'em and weep."
1911,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,God... fuckin' dammit!  Fine! But don't say I didn't warn you.
1912,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Yes!  Vindicator command ship, beacon received! We're doing Vindicators Twoooooooooo!"
1913,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Whoops! Uh, Morty, you might want to freeze some sperm."
1914,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Vindicators, Worldender is back..."
1915,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"..and this time, he's out to end more than worlds. We have reason to believe his stronghold is located on..."
1916,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,My balls.
1917,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,Rick!
1918,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"...the Terraneus system. Once in range, Million Ants will scan for pheromone activity, which should lead us to the location of the base."
1919,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Oh, that's Million Ants. I can't see the ants over here. It just assumed that was, uh, Turd Man. Wiggly Turd Man."
1920,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Rick, stop!"
1921,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Rick, you have something to add to the briefing?"
1922,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Uh, yeah, just a few more design notes.  Um, this guy. The, uh... The, uh..."
1924,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Right, Crocubot. So, you're half-cold, unfeeling reptile, half-also cold, equally-unfeeling machine."
1926,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"So, you're origin is what? Y-You fell into a vat of redundancy?"
1928,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Noob-Noob, we're having a briefing!  If I can continue, Rick. I anticipate sophisticated security measures. I trust you can be of service there."
1929,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Well, let me check my list of powers and weaknesses. Ability to do anything... But only whenever I want... Yeah, that sounds like a job for me."
1930,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,I wish he had the ability to check is attitude.
1931,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Alan Rails, ladies and gentleman. After his parents' tragic death in a railroad accident, he gained the power to summon ghiost trains. It's not all bad, though. They were spared having to see their grown son wear a whistle!"
1933,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Thanks, Noob-Noob! This guy gets it."
1934,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Vance Maximus, Renegade Star Soldier!"
1935,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,Sorry I'm late. It was happy hour.
1936,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,Happy hour.
1937,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Uh, I was also late because of my drinking and metioned it to zero applause."
1938,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,"Rick Sanchez, Tinkerer of Terror. Man, that's hard to say. And... Morty, right?"
1939,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Whoa, yeah!"
1940,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,"I never forget a kid.  What do you say, Vindicators? Let's make this three for three?"
1941,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Did he say ""three for three""?"
1942,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,Did he say he never forgets a kid?
1943,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"You mean ""two for two"", right, Vance?"
1944,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Actually, we assembled a second time last summer to fight Doomnomitron."
1945,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"So, this is... Vindicators 3? And you guys did Vindicators 2... w-without us?"
1946,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,I sense... insecurity.
1947,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,Are you sure there's not just a picnic nearby.
1948,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"I guess he found his crowd. Pretty toothless stuff, guys."
1949,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"I hope you're happy with the adventure so far, Morty. These guys are even lamer than last time."
1950,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"We weren't here ""last time"", remember? They did a whole Vindicators without us. A bunch of them got killed, too. They lost Lady Katana, Calypso, Diablo Verde..."
1951,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Yikes. Yeah, things did feel less diverse in there."
1952,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"This article says the reason we weren't involved was... ""personality conflicts""."
1953,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Don't worry, Morty, they love you. Superheroes need a wide-eyed unremarkable to tag along and react to everything like it's mind-blowing."
1954,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,I... think the personality conflict might have been... you.
1955,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Jesus... How awesome is that? I mean, they wanted to not need me so bad, they murdered three innocent heroes of color, and they still had to bring me back?"
1956,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Rick, since it's my adventure and all, could you do me a favor?"
1957,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Uh, the adventure is the favor, Morty. Me sleeping on these linens is the favor. I mean, w-w-w-what--what are we vindicating? Comfort?"
1958,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Rick, this really bums me out. It-It's embarrassing to find out these guys don't like us."
1959,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Why? Morty,  I defeat gagoos more powerful than these guys every week."
1960,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Yeah, but not heroes."
1961,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Oh, please. They just call themselves heroes so they can..."
1962,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"I'm calling them that, Rick! They're my heroes! Mine!"
1963,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,Huh... no accounting for taste. I'm gonna go get a drink.
1965,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Oh, God."
1966,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Good morning. Looks like your grandpa had a long night. Crocubot, why don't you escort Mr. Sanchez to a more comfortable spot so that someone can...  clean up his diarrhea."
1968,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Actually, Noob-Noob, you have a new mission."
1970,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Vindicators, prepare for arrival."
1971,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,"Morty, the Vindicators and I had a chat this morning and I'm afraid we need to make a little change."
1972,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,I-I totally get it. I-I'm so sorry.
1973,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,You should be.  Running around in a yellow t-shirt like you're not one of us? Disgraceful.
1974,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,I-I-I... I'm not a superhero.
1975,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,"Cop a squat, chief.  Everyone in the universe is a hero. All you have to do is know the difference between good and bad, and root for good."
1976,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Rick says ""good"" and ""bad"" are artificial constructs."
1977,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,"Yeah, well, I get the feeling... he kind of needs that to be the case.  Not coming, Noob-Noob?"
1979,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,"Security drones, inbound."
1980,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Star Mother, grant me your wrath!"
1981,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,All aboard!
1982,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,Aah!  Gun turret.
1983,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,Are you all right?
1984,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,Yes. I only lost 400 ants. My queen is laying more.  I am back to one million ants.
1985,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,Someone wake up Sanchez.
1986,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Ugh! Oh, Christ..."
1987,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Rick, you're up."
1988,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,Barely.
1989,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Rick, we're taking fire from an automated turret. Can you bring it offline?"
1990,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,Uh-huh.
1991,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Uh, my God, that's better."
1992,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,RICK!
1993,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Hey, I can't help if I can't see."
1994,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,I could've just used a ghost train.
1995,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Really? You don't say. You would have used a ghost train?  Hey, everybody, the ghost train guy would have used a ghost train!"
1996,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,"Man, fuck you."
1997,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Is there coffee? Hey, Morty, can you be a pal? Grandpa left his coffee maker on the ship. Y-You know, the French press thing?"
1998,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,Get it yourself.
1999,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Little extra  snippy this morning, aren't you?"
2000,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Just focus on the mission, all right?"
2001,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you're right. Ooh, real serious. Gotta take it real serious, huh?"
2002,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,Son of a steam engine! They're all dead!
2004,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,"Well, he is the Worldender. The guy ends worlds. Kind of his thing."
2005,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Ooh, real scared. Real fucking on alert, high alwrt over here."
2006,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,What the FUCK?!
2007,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,It's Worldender! What happened to him?
2009,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,I sense his life force is fading.
2010,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Million Ants, ladies and gentleman! The ant colony with the power of two human eyes!"
2011,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"All right. Short mission, good mission. Remember when Alan wanted to use a ghost train? See you guys in Vindicators 4. Morty?"
2012,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now!"
2013,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,He's right. This is far from over.
2014,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour."
2015,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,Shit.
2016,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,I sense the presence of a greater evil.
2017,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!!"
2018,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night."
2019,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators. So now that we know..."
2020,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,"Rick? What's going on, buddy?"
2021,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout."
2022,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you?"
2023,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Look, I'm a lit-- little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours."
2024,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game."
2025,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Rick, is-is this a ""Saw"" thing? Are you seriously ""Saw""-ing the Vindicators?"
2026,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack."
2027,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in  ""Sawwww""."
2028,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this."
2029,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"Okay, here we go, room number one. The Vindicators are known throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves? Do you know yourselves? Match your... your shit, your... your gimmicks with your faces and y-you get it, it's a matching thing. And do it in three minutes, or you'll  all die."
2030,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,Screw this. I'm not playing his game. I'm gonna find us a way out of here.
2031,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Vance. He said you'd die if you tried to leave. That means there's booby traps."
2032,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,Why are you acting like that's not you?!
2033,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"What part of ""blackout"" don't you understand? I thought you drank?"
2034,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,"Like cool drinking! Like sexy drinking, not this psycho trailer-park shit!"
2035,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Vance, stay calm..."
2036,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,"Oh, so you're the leader now because we gave you a jacket?! You're the learning-disabled kid we do photo-ops with!"
2037,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Okay, ouch, but..."
2038,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Vance,"Okay, this... this is triggering me. I need space. I-I need SPACE! FROM THIS!"
2039,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,Give me one good reason why I shouldn't crush your windpipe!
2040,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,Because my epidermis is laced with a nanofiber defense mesh.
2041,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"And because, like I said, I don't remember last night."
2042,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,I told you not to invite this mummified motherfucker back!
2043,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Alan, I'm not proud of what's happening here, but if you keep coming at me, there's gonna be another passenger on that ghost train."
2044,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,Guys!  I've figured it out.
2045,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,Congrats! You did it-- it!
2046,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,It was a bit. All of the descriptors apply to all of you. Drunk Rick's point is that none of you are very special or different.  That's always his point.
2047,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Let's just get through this as quickly as possible. Then, we'll deal with the two of you."
2048,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,The two of us?!  I hope you're proud of yourself!
2049,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Uh, I kind of am. I saved the goddamn universe."
2050,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"That's not the issue, Rick!"
2051,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Ahh, it would've been if I hadn't."
2052,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"The Vindicators say their job is is to fight evil wherever it hides, but they don't... pick the location you'll... you'll never even hear them mention, because to fight darkness is to fight yourself."
2054,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Crocubot, don't!"
2056,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Huh, I'm seeing more croc than bot here."
2057,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,Goddammit!
2058,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Uh, what happened on Dorian 5?"
2059,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,Nothing!
2060,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,Nothing?! We exterminated a planet!
2061,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"W-Wait, huh?"
2062,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,Doomnomitron was hiding here! He's a shapeshifter! Destroying Dorian 5 was the only way to kill him!
2064,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Oh, o-okay. This again?"
2065,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"You know,  I could have made a device to detect Doomnomitron from orbit like  that."
2066,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,I'm not the one that didn't want you back. Alan was!
2067,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,If you lay those deaths at my doorstep one more time...
2068,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,Do not threaten her!
2069,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"Congrats, you did it!"
2070,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,What the hell is Is-ra-el?
2071,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,I-It's just something Rick starts talking about whenever he's blackout drunk.
2072,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"W-What? In w--In w-w-what--In what way? Like, w-w-what's my point?"
2073,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"In a way that has no point! You just babble about defense budgets and the United Nations, and then you pass out!"
2074,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"So, to be clear, I sometimes reference the geopolitical complexities of the topic, which is not the same as going to an anti-Semitic place."
2075,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,I have no stake in this.
2076,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"I don't either. I-I'm just saying, if anything, the drunk version of me is probably so supportive of Israel, he wants what's best for it and..."
2077,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,"Hey, man, I'm not touching this. You do you."
2078,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"Aloha... means hello and goodbye in Hawaii. But, uh, aloha means... has nothing to do with this room.  I'm so fucking drunk. Ugh, okay, here's the deal. I-I want to rest my eyes for a little bit. I'm--I'm not going to sleep. I just... just need to rest my eye, so let's make this one simple. Just try to hit some three-pointers."
2079,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"let's say... you have to hit... five three-pointers in... five minutes or, I don't know, the whole place--the whole planet will get blown up with a n-neutrino bomb. And try to make it a-a lesson about yourselves like, like how... selfish you a-are, or something. Also, Hawaii."
2080,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"You guys hit the baskets. I'll disarm the drunkenly-improvised neutrino bomb. There's a 40% chance it's a dud, but y-you should still stay back."
2081,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Morty, how many of these...?"
2082,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Too many, Rick! Too many!"
2083,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Man, I am really getting high-roaded today."
2084,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,That's a three-pointer!
2085,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,Nice shot.
2086,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,Thank you.
2087,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,You two make quite a team.
2088,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,We all do.
2089,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,"Yeah, I guess."
2090,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,That's a three-pointer!
2091,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,But you guys have always had a... an unspoken bond.
2092,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,"I mean, really unspoken. Like, ""let's-not-tell-my-husband"" unspoken."
2093,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"We aren't married anymore, Alan."
2094,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,"Sure, but were we married when you two were ""stranded"" on Delphi 6 for three days? Because I sensed something was weird when you can back. But what do I know about sensitivity? I'm just a phantom train conductor. You're the pile of ordinary bugs that fucked my wife!"
2095,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,That's a three-pointer!
2096,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,Where the fuck is the lead wire?!
2097,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"You always put it in the weirdest place! Um, uh, over here, maybe?"
2098,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Jesus Christ, what a shitty neutrino bomb. it's a miracle I actually every destroy anything."
2099,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Oh, I don't know. You managed to destroy just about everything today; the villains, the heroes, the lines between them, my childhood..."
2100,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Thank you. I appreciate it, Morty. I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the Vindicators' dicks, so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit."
2101,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Yeah, it is. You know why, Rick? Because when you're an asshole, it doesn't matter how right you are, nobody wants to give you the satisfaction."
2102,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"I know. Everyone wants people they like to be right. That's why popular people are fucking dumb. And why your pretentious, poorly-written, high-budget friends back there can a eat a double-decker shit sandwich.  Disarmed."
2103,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,Holy shit. You're jealous.
2104,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,YES! Is that what you want to hear?!
2105,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,"Did it feel good?! Did you like his six million wriggling legs more than my tragedy-stricken, half-ghost, half-tumescent penis?!"
2106,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,That's a three-pointer!
2107,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Guys, stop! You're just proving my asshole grandpa right!"
2108,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,You wish this was about sex! We loved each other! We had a child together.
2109,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,WHAT?!
2110,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"I conceived a child with Million Ants and it died inside me because it as HALF A MILLION ANTS AND HALF COLLAPSING STAR! And yes, he was better than you!"
2111,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,Yeah?
2112,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,One million times better!
2113,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Alan,"ALL ABOOOOOOARD, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"
2114,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,STOP!
2115,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,Oof! Didn't see that comin'.
2116,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,Is that sarcasm?!  I don't want you slipping away then this is over! All of these deaths are on your hands!
2117,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Oh, come on, maybe a couple of them, but definitely not the train guy."
2118,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,All of them.
2119,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,O-kayyy...
2120,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"Congrats, you did it!"
2121,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"All right, buy now, I've been pretty clear that I thunk the Vindicators are  full of shit. But... you do have one thing I'll never have. And that thing is the only part of the Vindicators with any value to me. if you know what it is, place it on the platform.Guess wrong and the pla... planet will explode. And probably the solar system, 'cause I kind of fucking eyeballed the neutrino bombs on this one."
2122,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"So what's the trick? Morty, you're the Drunk Rick expert."
2123,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"I think... no matter what we put on there, we die. he said it's the part of the Vindicators he values. That means nothing. He wants our last moment alive to be spent knowing how few fucks he gave."
2124,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Jesus! Okay, open to second opinions!"
2125,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,I could--It could be Morty.
2126,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,What?
2127,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Hey, I don't know. I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. it's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying ""Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you."""
2128,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,That is a... really specific guess.
2129,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Look, I... there's nothing in the room but us. I'm just using logic to connect some dots. It's the best guess I've got."
2130,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,But you're betting our lives on it.
2131,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,I'll cover that bet. I get it.
2132,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Well, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or..."
2133,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Oh, shit."
2134,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"Sorry, I'm... not good at goodbyes. It looks like I'm never gonna see you again. I can't really roll with the hero types, and I don't... th-they don't want me around. But I want... you to know, even if I didn't show it at the time, II really appreciated you sticking by me."
2135,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"Goddammit, why am I crying? It makes no sense."
2136,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"Ugh, y-you're probably confused because we barely know each other..."
2137,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"...but you really stuck your neck out  when you gave me props for my awesome jokes in the briefing room. Everybody else had their heads so far up their ass. Even my own grandson is like, ""Oh, the Vindicators are so cool."" I mean, he's a moron, it's their... demographic. But you're different, Noob-Noob."
2138,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,...Motherfucker!
2139,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Drunk Rick,"You're fucking cool! And you're smart! And I bet we coulda hung out and shit! And I hope you get to be a full-fledged Vindicator! A-And d-do me a favor. Do-Don't let him know I... I got emotional. But you can tell him one thing. Tell him I said... Oh, fuck. Okay, I just shit myself. Okay, later."
2140,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"W--Dude, Morty, what happened i...?"
2141,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,Shut up.
2142,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,I sense this means we are not drying.
2143,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,Not all of us.
2144,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,Sweetheart?
2145,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Just let Titty-Bean do this, Snuzzles. It's for the greater good."
2146,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,Greater good?!
2147,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,Titty-Bean?
2148,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"It's like you said, Morty"
2149,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,Never said that!
2150,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,It's the galaxy's faith in the Vindicators that keeps the galaxy secure!
2151,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Yeah, I feel safer already."
2152,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,No doubt. Who do we make the check out to?
2153,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"I'll say, we are gettin' some good licks in while choking to death."
2154,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,Right?
2155,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,"Titty-Bean, listen to me. When you came to me, I was merely a sentient colony of ants. It was your beliefs, your pursuit of justice, that taught me to be a man."
2156,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,When did it get so complicated?
2157,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Million Ants,Who knows? But we can make it simple again.
2158,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,You were always the romantic.  Which is why you can't leave either.
2159,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,"Goodbye, my love."
2160,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,Damn! She double-crossed Snuzzles!
2161,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Supernova,Silence! I'm going to enjoy this...
2162,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Announcer,"Let's give a huge thanks to Rick Sanchez for killing Worldender, putting this awesome party together, and for booking one of the hottest talents out there"
2164,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Look at that. Geez, I must've planned a whole party. Invited a bunch of people. Not bad, Drunk Rick, not bad."
2168,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Rick, Supernova's getting away!"
2169,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Ah, who cares?"
2170,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,But.. she was trying to kill us!
2171,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Morty, twenty people try to kill me every week. I end up getting high with half of 'em. I mean, check it out, Gear Head's here."
2173,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Beth,"Morty, you're wearing a Vindicator jacket. Are you a little superhero now?"
2174,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Morty,"Everyone in the universe is a hero, Mom. Which is why we don't need jackets.  And I'm pretty sure we don't need Vindicators."
2176,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Summer,"Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced."
2177,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,"Shut up, Summer."
2184,3,4,Vindicators 3  The Return of Worldender,Rick,Who the fuck is Noob-Noob?
2193,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick,"Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis?"
2194,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty,"Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick!"
2195,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick,"Oh, for fuck’s sake."
2197,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick,"What are you, stupid? We’re done with the Citadel of Ricks. I was  never on board with it in the first place, that’s why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot."
2199,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty,They tried to murder him first.
2201,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty,"Yeah, he knows. He murdered them."
2203,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick,Every day.
2206,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick,You don’t have to be a dick.
2208,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty,Geez. I didn’t know there were still Ricks and Mortys living on the Citadel. I wonder what their day-to-day lives are like.
2209,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick,"Well, you can keep wondering that while we go on our fun, fresh, self-contained adventure to Atlantis.  Anyone continuing to explore the Citadel is either stupid, or one of the unfortunate millions held hostage by their terrible ideas."
2210,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty,Man. Glad I’m not one of them!
2218,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Narrator,"Sixteen iterations off the central finite curve, there’s a Rick that works more with wood than polarity plating."
2219,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Narrator,"His name is Simple Rick, but he’s no dummy."
2220,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Narrator,He realized long ago that the greatest thing he’d ever create was his daughter.
2222,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Narrator,We captured that moment and run it on a loop through Simple Rick’s mind.
2223,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Narrator,And the chemical that makes his brain secrete goes into every Simple Rick’s Simple Wafer Cookie.  Come home to the impossible flavor of your own completion. Come home to Simple Rick’s.
2229,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,"We had a good run, sir, but I think it’s time to pull out of the race."
2230,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,I feel pretty confident about tonight’s debate.
2231,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,"You shouldn’t, sir. You should be terrified."
2232,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,"Maybe you should find a little faith, young man."
2233,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,You don’t pay me to have faith! And we’re the same age!
2234,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"Oh! S-sorry, I was expecting--"
2235,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"A Rick partner? Lesson one, rookie"
2236,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty,Mortys are human!
2237,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Get the fuck off the car, you Rickless fuckin’ animal!"
2238,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty,WHOA!!
2239,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,The election’s got these yellow shirts more riled up than a Picture Day Jessica.
2240,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"That’s pretty harsh, sir."
2241,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,So report me. Nobody gives a fuck.
2242,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"Look, I’m just saying. Makes me a little sad to hear a Morty cop calling Mortys “animals”."
2243,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Well, it makes me sad to see another Rick cop buying into his sensitivity training."
2244,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"Well, I’m glad to know there’s more like me."
2245,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Oh, there was one. Why do you think that seat was empty?"
2247,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,Fifth and ? That’s Mortytown.
2248,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,Unit 7 responding.
2249,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Teacher Rick,"""Good idea, Rick."""
2251,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Teacher Rick,"""This is a great adventure."""
2253,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Teacher Rick,"""I love being your new Morty."""
2255,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Slick,Farty!
2256,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Teacher Rick,"Very amusing, Mr. Smith. Almost as amusing as when your first Rick was decapitated on Zorpathion 9.  Or was that your third Rick? How many Ricks have you had?"
2257,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Slick,Five…
2258,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Teacher Rick,"I see. So you are top of the class in something.  Tomorrow you will be transferred to your new Ricks. Hopefully, they will be your last. Yes, Slow Ri-- Tall Morty?"
2260,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Teacher Rick,"Anything’s possible, Tall Morty. Ugh…"
2261,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Lizard Morty,"Guess we won’t be seein’ each other after this, huh?"
2262,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Slick,I say we make our last day count. I say… we go to the Wishing Portal.
2263,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Glasses Morty,That’s a myth.
2265,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Lizard Morty,"If we’re not here for graduation, our butts are gonna end up in Mortytown."
2266,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Slick,"I thought your last Rick fused you with a lizard, not a chicken."
2267,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Lizard Morty,"Okay, fine. I’m in."
2268,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Glasses Morty,Me too.
2270,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Lizard Morty,I-I thought I saw a fly.
2274,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"No Ricks, no families, high off their asses and runnin’ amok. Mortys are raised to be sidekicks. Without a side to kick, they just start kickin’."
2276,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Yeah, make sure you get that down."
2277,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"Any mutations? Augmentations? Three eyes, a tail, maybe a buzzcut?"
2281,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,Lemme turn over a few rocks.
2282,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Aw geez, hey, what’s goin’ on, fellas?"
2283,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty 1,"Aw geez, man, nothin’ man, we’re just hangin’ out and stuff."
2284,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"I hear that, ah geez, I guess I’m supposed to be figuring out who robbed the store across the street but aw geez I dunno."
2285,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty 2,"Ah geez man, that sucks that your Rick’s makin’ you do that."
2286,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"He’s not my Rick. He’s my partner. Aw, geez."
2287,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty 1,"Well, maybe the uniform makes a big difference. Who am I to say? To me, you just look like a sidekick."
2288,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,CALL ME A SIDEKICK ONE MORE TIME! CALL ME A SIDEKICK!!
2289,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty 2,"Hey man! C’mon, aw geez!"
2290,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,WANNA SEE HOW I PAINT A WALL?!
2291,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty 2,"It was the Mortytown Locos, man! The Mortytown Locos!"
2292,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,Do you realize how many codes you just violated?
2293,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Aw geez, Rick. What do I know about knowin’ stuff? Get in the fucking car."
2299,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,"Can we fact-check this, please? Never mind, who am I kidding? This race is over."
2302,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,I don’t see a divide between Ricks and Mortys.
2306,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,"You guys finished?  The division I see is between the Ricks and Mortys that like the Citadel divided, and the rest of us. I see it everywhere I go."
2307,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,"I see it in our schools, where they teach Mortys we’re all the same because they’re threatened by what makes us unique."
2308,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,"I see it in our streets, where they give guns to Mortys so we’re too busy fighting each other to fight real injustice."
2309,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,"I see it in our factories, where Ricks work for a fraction of their boss’s salary, even though they’re identical and have the same IQ. The Citadel’s problem isn’t homeless Mortys or outraged Ricks."
2310,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,The Citadel’s problem is the Ricks and Mortys feeding on the Citadel’s debt.
2311,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick J-22,Holy shit.
2313,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,"But I’ve got a message for them, from the Ricks and Mortys keeping it alive. A message… from the Ricks and Mortys that believe in this Citadel to the Ricks and Mortys that don’t"
2314,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,Holy shit.  I don’t believe it! I-I can’t believe it!
2315,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,I know.  That’s why you’re fired.
2318,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick J-22,"Your life is a lie, man.  All your lives are lies! Don’t you get it?! They told us we were special because we were Ricks, but they stripped us of anything that made us unique!"
2320,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick J-22,"I-I-I want a portal gun. Unregistered, untraceable, with enough fluid to take me off this goddamn prison!"
2327,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,Yes?
2329,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,Gosh. We moved around so much it’s hard to remember. I see every Rick as my Rick.
2330,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,I hope they see me as their Morty.
2331,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,"Another, please, with less water."
2333,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,I guess I shoulda had more faith.
2335,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,What’s this?
2342,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,Hands in the air!
2344,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,You guys doin’ a little chemistry homework with Grandpa?
2345,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,Is this what I think it is?
2346,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,Bootleg portal fluid.
2347,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,Guess his math was off. Search the place.
2349,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"It’s okay, Morty."
2350,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,Jesus!
2351,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"He stabbed me! He got me bad, Morty."
2352,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay."
2353,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,You were right…  Everything I learned in the academy was--
2354,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,It doesn’t matter.  Nothing’s wrong with putting your faith in a Morty. You just gotta pick the right one.
2355,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,Why is there a crib in here?
2356,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,Just somethin’ they do to make you feel bad.
2357,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"Boy, I got us knee-deep in paperwork, huh?"
2358,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,Go to the car and grab a MediPack. Lemme worry about this.
2359,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,What happened?
2360,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,Same old story. Mortys killing Mortys.
2361,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Lizard Morty,Almost... got it...
2365,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Lizard Morty,I bet it leads to a place where a bunch of fri-- flies everywhere!
2366,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Slick,"Yeah, I bet it goes nowhere. I bet it's a big hole where the Citadel dumps all its broken dreams."
2368,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Slick,"You wanna know why?  Because of this! I'm part of an experimental line of Mortys with a trauma implant. How do you think it feels, Fat Morty, to know that no matter where I go,  I'll always be the one that makes everybody sad and... a little bored?"
2369,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Glasses Morty,"Slick, that implant isn't who you are, okay? You also roll up your sleeves."
2371,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Lizard Morty,Then you should use your left hand to eat more vegetables.
2372,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,Hey there. How you doing? Great to meet you.
2374,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,"That doesn't sound like Rick work. You didn't come to the Citadel to be a plumber, did you?"
2377,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,This is just like a Morty baby!
2378,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,Hey!  Did you end up getting a new job?
2379,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,"Yeah, I did. Assassinating you!"
2380,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Candidate Morty,I'm okay... I'm okay... I'm...  Ohh...
2382,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"No thank you, and bad math."
2384,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,What is the place?
2385,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"""The Creepy Morty"". What is it your kind's always saying? ""Don't think about it."" Come on. There's someone important I want you to meet."
2387,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,They had a little accident. They won't be causing any trouble anymore.
2389,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Big Morty likes to contribute to keeping the peace in Mortytown.  Think of him as a drug lord, and us his cops on his payroll."
2390,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,Morty...
2392,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"M-m-my partner. Morty, you're right. Mortytown is bad, but that doesn't mean that we have to be."
2396,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Don't worry about Rick, Big Morty. He's new. He doesn't understand how it works."
2398,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Wh-why would you say something like that, Big Morty? You're fucking things up for both of us here!"
2400,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"Big Morty, you're under arrest."
2401,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,S-smartest man in the universe.
2403,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Not so big now, are ya?"
2405,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,That's enough!
2406,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"If we don't kill him, he'll talk!"
2407,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"If you do, I'll talk."
2409,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,"You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing."
2410,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Morty,"Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate!"
2412,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys.
2416,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick J-22,"A bad place, but you're going to a better one soon."
2419,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick J-22,A portal to the Blender Dimension?! That's the oldest trick in the book! I'm a Rick! I'm more Rick than any of you!!
2421,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick J-22,"Then come and get me, motherfuckers!!"
2425,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick J-22,Rick. And I'm--
2427,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick J-22,Fifteen years.
2429,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick J-22,Where are we going?
2432,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Narrator,"There's a Rick who held a factory hostage after murdering his boss and several co-workers. The factory made cookies, flavored him with lies."
2433,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Narrator,"He made us all take a look at what we were doing, and at the bargain he got a taste of real freedom."
2434,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Narrator,"We captured that taste, and we keep giving it to him so he can give it right back to you, in every bite of new Simple Rick Freedom Wafer Selects.  Come home to the unique flavor of shattering the grand illusion. Come home to Simple Rick."
2436,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Slick,After you.
2438,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Lizard Morty,I guess I wish I had something cooler than this dumbass surfer necklace.
2439,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Glasses Morty,"I wish incest porn h-had a more mainstream appeal, f-for a friend of mine."
2440,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Slick,"None of those things are gonna happen, y'know. Morty wishes never come true. Not on the Citadel."
2441,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Lizard Morty,Then why did you bring us here?
2442,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Slick,Because I wish that would change. I wish anything about this life would change.
2443,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Glasses Morty,"Well, I hope you're putting something pretty goddamn important in there."
2444,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Slick,"Me, too. But I doubt it."
2445,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Glasses Morty,NOOOOOOOO!!!!
2446,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Lizard Morty,SLI-I-I-I-I-I-I-ICK!!!!
2447,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Glasses Morty,Maybe... Maybe he went somewhere nice.
2449,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,He gotta be stopped...  He-he cou-couldn't be allowed to win.
2451,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,"He's alive?! No, no, no! You gotta listen to me!  I-I worked for him! I was his campaign manager! That Morty is not what he seems."
2453,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Campaign Manager Morty,He... won?
2458,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,Why am I still here? I already confessed to everything.
2460,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Cop Rick,But... I violated at least a dozen departmental codes!
2463,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Glasses Morty,Did we miss graduation? Where are the new Ricks?
2464,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Teacher Rick,No graduation. No new Ricks. The school's curriculum is changing.
2465,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Glasses Morty,To what?
2466,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Teacher Rick,"I don't know, and I don't have to know. I've been fired.  Good luck, turds."
2467,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Lizard Morty,Holy crap... Slick's wish came true.
2482,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick,"Whoa!! Hahaha, yeah! Atlantis, baby!"
2483,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty,That was amazing!
2484,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick,Got some of that mermaid puss!
2485,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty,"I'm really hoping it wasn't a one-off thing and I can see her again. By the way, hey, um... still not curious about what might've happened at that crazy Citadel place?"
2486,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Rick,"Pssh! Not at all, Morty. That place will never have any bearing over our lives ever again. Unlike that mermaid puss! Yeah!! We're going back for seconds! We're gonna do that shit every week, man! That was Atlantis!"
2487,3,7,Tales From the Citadel,Morty,"Whoo! Yeah! Yeaah! Ohhh, shit!"