diff --git "a/raw_data.csv" "b/raw_data.csv" new file mode 100644--- /dev/null +++ "b/raw_data.csv" @@ -0,0 +1,2469 @@ +text,Openness,Conscientiousness,Extraversion,Agreeableness,Neuroticism +"Well, right now I just woke up from a mid-day nap. It's sort of weird, but ever since I moved to Texas, I have had problems concentrating on things. I remember starting my homework in 10th grade as soon as the clock struck 4 and not stopping until it was done. Of course it was easier, but I still did it. But when I moved here, the homework got a little more challenging and there was a lot more busy work, and so I decided not to spend hours doing it, and just getting by. But the thing was that I always paid attention in class and just plain out knew the stuff, and now that I look back, if I had really worked hard and stayed on track the last two years without getting lazy, I would have been a genius, but hey, that's all good. It's too late to correct the past, but I don't really know how to stay focused n the future. The one thing I know is that when people say that b/c they live on campus they can't concentrate, it's b. s. For me it would be easier there, but alas, I'm living at home under the watchful eye of my parents and a little nagging sister that just nags and nags and nags. You get my point. Another thing is, is that it's just a hassle to have to go all the way back to school to just to go to library to study. I need to move out, but I don't know how to tell them. Don't get me wrong, I see where they're coming from and why they don't want me to move out, but I need to get away and be on my own. They've sheltered me so much and I don't have a worry in the world. The only thing that they ask me to do is keep my room clean and help out with the business once in a while, but I can't even do that. But I need to. But I got enough money from UT to live at a dorm or apartment next semester and I think I’ll take advantage of that. But off that topic now, I went to sixth street last night and had a blast. I haven't been there in so long. Now I know why I love Austin so much. When I lived in VA, I used to go up to DC all the time and had a blast, but here, there are so many students running around at night. I just want to have some fun and I know that I am responsible enough to be able to have fun, but keep my priorities straight. Living at home, I can't go out at all without them asking where? with who? why? when are you coming back? and all those questions. I just wish I could be treated like a responsible person for once, but my sister screwed that up for me. She went crazy the second she moved into college and messed up her whole college career by partying too much. And that's the ultimate reason that they don't want me to go and have fun. But I'm not little anymore, and they need to let me go and explore the world, but I’m Indian; with Indian culture, with Indian values. They go against ""having fun. "" I mean in the sense of meeting people or going out with people or partying or just plain having fun. My school is difficult already, but somehow I think that having more freedom will put more pressure on me to do better in school b/c that's what my parents and ultimately I expect of myself. Well it's been fun writing, I don't know if you go anything out of this writing, but it helped me get some of my thoughts into order. So I hope you had fun reading it and good luck TA's.",high,low,low,high,high +"Well, here we go with the stream of consciousness essay. I used to do things like this in high school sometimes. They were pretty interesting, but I often find myself with a lack of things to say. I normally consider myself someone who gets straight to the point. I wonder if I should hit enter any time to send this back to the front. Maybe I'll fix it later. My friend is playing guitar in my room now. Sort of playing anyway. More like messing with it. He's still learning. There's a drawing on the wall next to me. Comic book characters I think, but I'm not sure who they are. It's been a while since I've kept up with comic's. I just heard a sound from ICQ. That's a chat program on the internet. I don't know too much about it so I can't really explain too well. Anyway, I hope I'm done with this by the time another friend comes over. It will be nice to talk to her again. She went home this weekend for Labor Day. So did my brother. I didn't go. I'm not sure why. No reason to go, I guess. Hmm. when did I start this. Wow, that was a long line. I guess I won't change it later. Okay, I'm running out of things to talk about. I've found that happens to me a lot in conversation. Not a very interesting person, I guess. Well, I don't know. It's something I'm working on. I'm in a class now that might help. The phone just rang. Should I get it? The guy playing the guitar answered it for me. It's for my roommate. My suitemate just came in and started reading this. I'm uncomfortable with that. He's in the bathroom now. You know, this is a really boring piece of literature. I never realized how dull most everyday thoughts are. Then again, when you keep your mind constantly moving like this, there isn't really time to stop and think deeply about things. I wonder how long this is going to be. I think it's been about ten minutes now. Only my second line. How sad. Well, not really considering how long these lines are. Anyway, I wonder what I'm going to do the rest of the night. I guess there's always homework to do. I guess we'll see. This seat is uncomfortable. My back sort of hurts. I think I'm going to have arthritis when I get older. I always thought that I wouldn't like to grow old. Not too old, I suppose. I've always been a very active person. I have a fear of growing old, I think. I guess it'll go away as I age gradually. I don't know how well I'd deal with paralysis from an accident though. As long as I have God and my friends around, I'll be okay though. I'm pretty thirsty right now. There isn't much to drink around my room. Ultimate Frisbee, I haven't played that all summer. Fun game, but tiring. I'm out of shape. I'd like to get in better shape, but I hate running. It's too dull for me. Hmmm. it's almost over now. Just a few more minutes. Let's see if I make it to the next line. Short reachable goals! Whatever. Anyway, what else do I have to do tonight. I guess I could read some. My shirt smells like dinner. It's pretty disgusting. I need to wake up for a 9:30 am class tomorrow. I remember when that wasn't early at all. Well, I made it to the next line. I'm so proud of myself. That's sarcasm, by the way. I wonder if I was suppose to right this thing as a narrative. Oh well too late now. Time for me to head out. Until next time, good bye and good luck. I don't know.",low,low,low,high,low +"An open keyboard and buttons to push. The thing finally worked and I need not use periods, commas and all those thinks. Double space after a period. We can't help it. I put spaces between my words and I do my happy little assignment of jibber-jabber. Babble babble babble for 20 relaxing minutes and I feel silly and grammatically incorrect. I am linked to an unknown reader. A graduate student with an absurd job. I type. I jabber and I think about dinoflagellates. About sunflower crosses and about the fiberglass that has be added to my lips via clove cigarettes and I think about things that I shouldn't be thinking. I know I shouldn't be thinking. or writing let's say/ So I don't. Thoughts don't solidify. They lodge in the back. behind my tongue maybe. Somewhere at the point of hiding but dinoflaghelates, protistas and what was that sea weed. I think about the San Luiz valley and I think about the mushrooms in cow shit. I think about the ticos and I think about the chiggers that are living in my legs. I itch. I coat myself with clear nail polish in hopes to suffocate the bugs that are living in my legs and I remember Marco. I remember Ecuador and I think about my thoughts and what I am not supposed to be doing in this assignment. Thoughts. I wonder if I think in sentences I wonder what affect my slowish typing has on my stream of consciousness and I wonder if there is a way that typing speed can be measured in this study so that so link some generalization of dorky 301 psyc students. green and the table in my kitchen makes me want to vomit. orange. What an absurd color. wish I wasn't in the united state. My greencard runs out in a few years wonder what I do. I hope Dr. Linder gets back in his lab because I really need to find out if he has funds to pay me. May have to go back to the library. Brainless job of nothingness that would make me wallow in the world of boredom which isn't entirely bad. Need to focus on school organics and such. Period. Two spaces after the period. Mistakes and I want to eat not hungry and I wonder how many people talk about food in there little computer ramblings Feel open and Happy that I am not having to edit this. Type type I don't know what I am think Hannah Imi and Osdprey house. I remember when I went down to that . she had spiders on hurt wall pain all over the place and we painted clouds on the ceiling and the blue walls were so obnoxious. Carey. Sex sex sex. yeah. This is a strange assignment and Portonoy's complaint is ringing in my head. Eager to finish so that I can start for Whom the Bell Tolls and get on with it. Bio and Carbon atoms bonds and orbitals. Thinking about the electron configuration that surrounds the last letter in my first name and I think that I must have been granted a full ""s"" orbital one up and one down. spinning on opposite directions and I am thinking about Scottish poetry about Mike in his kilt and about my guitar that I am slowly slowly slowly learning to play. I wonder what goes on in this study. I wonder if those happy little bored entertained grad students will scan words and I wonder how I can mess up this study? Random words like . don't know. ;Me me me me me and I wish that some things were easier and I wish that I had been keeping my eye on the clock. Wondering how long I have been typing and wishing that I was finished because I need to find out if I have to / will work in the Botany lab again and all that . ILS Belly and the Flamenco. Bjork and Rozamond Cockrill kickin' it in Saratoga Springs. I hate Molly's cat and wish that it could be exchanged for a worthwhile ferret. Type type type. I have managed to waste over 20 minutes of time I think. Who knows. What If I was to write this out and it took 30 minutes to write and 15 minutes to type. Thinking about nothing and wishing that some financial aid would come my way. Need a job and a sprinkling of time. Time to go and sign outta here. trees",high,high,low,low,high +"I can't believe it! It's really happening! My pulse is racing like mad. So this is what it's like. now I finally know what it feels like. just a few more steps. I wonder if he is going to get any sleep tonight!? I sure won't! Well, of course I have a million deadlines to meet tomorrow so I'll be up late anyway. But OH! I'm so so excited! Yes! Yes! I can't believe it is finally happening. Wait! Calm down. We aren't officially a couple yet. What if I end up not liking him? That would be horrible. Oh great, I wonder how long it'll take me to finish those Calculus problems? I'll get it done. Don't you always, Amy? I can't believe Bob did it! He really did it! He is THE miracle worker. If things turn out all right I will owe him more than I can ever repay. I wonder what Steve is doing in Malaysia right now? An entire month! I'll likely clean out his refrigerator by then. Omigosh! Food, lunch tomorrow, what will I ever say to him? He is perfect in every way imaginable. It is so important for him to think of me the same way. well, maybe not Perfect, but certainly dynamic. Who would have ever thought! Good things do indeed come to those who wait! Oh, I'll have to remember to sign the poster he made tomorrow morning. I hope Steve's alarm clock is reliable and I don't oversleep. That would be tragic if I slept 'til noon and missed the lunch. Thank goodness Portia is coming along. I will definitely need her support as well as Bob's. just having her there will take away some of the tension and put me more at ease. I'll have to rehearse what I say beforehand. things can only get better from here, right? hopefully. oh, I'm so nervous! He will be too. maybe even more so. it'll be ok. Why in the world do humans put themselves through such torture. maybe love is really worth it?",low,high,high,high,low +"Well, here I go with the good old stream of consciousness assignment again. I feel like I'm back in freshman HS English class again. Not that that's a bad thing, mind you, but my English teacher freshman year made us do these assignments constantly, and mine were always completely ridiculous, like, ""wow, I'm really hungry. I wish I could go to Taco Bell. "" They really had no point, except as busy work. In a psychology class, though, I can see the reasoning behind an assignment like this. Just letting my mind go free, and putting my random thoughts down in writing could be a big help in figuring out why I'm such a psychological screw-up. Well, that's not true. I don't want y'all getting the wrong idea about me, being that today was the first day of class and all. I'm really not a nut case. People may think I am, but really, I'm a normal kind of gal. Actually, down here in Texas, I guess I'm not normal. I don't like to eat biscuits and gravy for breakfast, and country fried steak with fried okra for dinner. I'm from Connecticut, and we don't even HAVE okra, much less worship it like it's some kind of vegetable goddess. My mind is starting to go blank--performance pressure I guess. I'm on the spot here--I don't want you all to be bored while you're reading this, if you ever do get around to reading this, that is. Well, I'm not going to stress just yet, so you're probably going to have to listen to some of my random, incoherent babbling for a few paragraphs. These computers are a big old pain in the ass. Here in the SMF, sure, they've got a bajillion computers, but unfortunately, we've got 42 bajillion students trying to use them, all at the same time. I think I'll be spending quite a few late, late nights in the computer center, just to get my stuff done. Yippee. That's what college is all about--late nights in the libraries. Yeah. Right. At this point, I don't even know what college is all about. I probably shouldn't say anything though, seeing as how I'm going to have to write another one of these thingys in a few days, where the topic is ""college"" Blah, blah, blah. I can't believe I'm actually doing this assignment on the same day that is was assigned! Go me! Talk about dedication. I really can't believe this. In high school, procrastination was my middle name. No, it was my first name. By second semester, I have more free periods in a day than actual classes, so I didn't have to do a damn thing. It was great! Unfortunately, because of that, I'm going to have to work that much harder here at UT, to get those studying skills back up to par. High School. Now that was a trip. When I was there, I couldn't wait to get out of there. I hated that school, that town, everything except my friends, of course. Then, my family moved, right after graduation, and I learned real quick that there were worse places to be than in my old town. At least back home I have my friends and my boyfriend and my piece of crap car, and I knew what there was to do. After I moved, I had no friends, no life, no car, no nothing. I worked all day. That's it. now, though, I'm ready for this whole college thing. Austin seems like a fun city, where I might actually enjoy spending the next four years. Oh yeah. While we're on the subject of ""four years,"" why is it that all the professors & administrators that give speeches and stuff always make it sound like we'll be in college for like, 5 or 6 years? I'm sorry, but I plan on graduating in 4 years. What's the problem here? What are people doing, that they can't graduate in 4 years? I just don't get it. no offense if any of y'all reading this took like 7 years to do your undergrad work. I'm not trying to knock you, just trying to figure this out. Well, it's 9:19, exactly 18 minutes after I started this nifty little piece of writing that makes no sense and has no point. I'm not really sure if I have fulfilled this assignment, like if I was supposed to analyze my personal stream of consciousness, where it took me, and what that means regarding my own personality. I guess if I had to, I could say that my mind works in mysterious ways, and even if the above essay seems to be illogically connected, to me, I can see the patterns. Yeah. I just went back & tried to read this over again, and I've got to give a suggestion. For these assignments, make the box we're writing in a box where you can see the whole line of writing at one time, without have to scroll across , because it's a real big pain for me, and I'm sure it's just as big a pain for you when you're trying to read it. Unless, of course, when you read it, you can see the whole line at once. I don't know, just a suggestion! Thanks for taking the time to give us all the opportunity to get an easy 10 % of out final grade through these writing assignments!",high,low,high,high,low +"Today. Had to turn the music down. Today I went to the KVRX meeting. I will hopefully have my own radio show. I don’t know what I will talk about. I have considered in great depth and. Jeez this songs starts off quietly. cool beginning. should start louder. oh well can't all be perfect. My roommate is playing the same game . he plays that game too much and spends too much time with it. does he get homework? I just don't know. This song is rather erotic. in a very deep and disturbing way. I can't decide whether I actually want to study medical technology or not. I love many things form chemistry to mycology to religious studies/. speaking of which I had a very good time at my PSA meeting. Pagan student alliance. ahh. gotta love that screech the chairs let when you push them back. ahhhhh. well. oh yeah at the meeting I met several people. Caleb seems rather worried about one of the women. though he is bound and like wise I am unable to speak ill of her. Well I am in charge of running our booth Monday. or is it Tuesday. That song is one again. his team (my roommate) I s winning. YEESH. Well I guess if he enjoys it. my typing is rather poor and this assignment is taking a long time. 20 minutes. been 5. . lalalalalalalal. Yes the meeting. I talked about shamanism. which apparently comes from a Siberian word. being that there are several hundred different shamanic following in this world. due to the vast number of tribes that speckle our world. Peter Steele has a very sexy voice. I would love to make love to this song,. Well. too much. info. /. Dtos are fun ellipses. that word too is fun. I think that perhaps I am slowly running out of things to say. . That song reminds me of my young age. riding in the car and talking to my family. the streetlights were bright back then and things were happy. or where they. perhaps not,, I don't remember that well. My car was full of all of us and the dog wasn't around. She isn't anymore either. epilepsy has taken her from this incarnation. I wonder what she is doing now. Does she know that I miss her???? I wish I could find out. Possibly clairvoyance. That is of course under the assumption that spirits are all equal. they are. I know. For I am. Yes I was and shall be. ever. My childhood bears a interesting mark of past fuzziness. I can't seem to recollect exact details like others. very brown. ,. fuzzy is the best word. The 80's really did suck. I wonder why that CD is still lying there on the answering machine. I love bright circling colors. they interest me. not in a psychotic manner but in a very hypnotic manner. they calm. I like to be calm and sedate/. Though activity on occasion is good. . . . Grey is not a good color. neutral yes but very passive. though passive is good. Taoism. there's a philosophy. They believe that by doing nothing they do everything. interesting. I am currently reading Aleister Crowley His hermetic order seems rather interesting though a bit on the abnormal and almost eccentric side. I remember reading stories about spiders. And milkmen in fields with roses. no daisies. yeah daisies. Looking down upon the daisies as they look up to me. I want to do a past life regression and find out who I was. I wonder if I have been anyone famous or popular. Wow I am saying some rather strange things. interesting. I didn't. . My head hurts. and my room is hot. I would like to stop this. I have 3 minutes left and nothing to say except for watching my fingers press the buttons is a rather enjoyable activity. they press slowly and heavy. sometimes fast and lithe. I mean light. yeah light. so I hope I am doing this right. I am putting my consciousness on record for others to read. I guess that's cool. It should be interesting though I have said very little. I wonder what other are saying. ahh the three minutes have passed and my typing ill now slow to a halt.",high,low,high,high,low +"Stream of consciousness. What should I write about. Am I supposed to have some kind of direction or am I supposed to write exactly what I am thinking. This feels like a very strange assignment. for homework it seems that it I pretty easy. Actually it would be pretty intense if this was worth more than however much it is worth. Hmm for some reason I am blanked out, and it seems like I am thinking about nothing. Oh well. Lets see what happened today. I lucked out on my econ quiz, I was actually able to guess my way to a 100. What are the chances of that. having faith definitely pays off. I always say that it is important to have faith. That’s my motto in life. Have faith and have fun. Life is a funny thing. One minute your there and gone the next. It is like Louie the Lug Mcgurg for example. He died tragically at 18. I am 18 what happened. Somebody stepped on his fingers. And that killed him. well he was hanging of the 11th story of the hotel at the time. Poor lug. No Poor Mrs. the Lug. Now she is on the streets selling apples. The point is that the lug did not plan ahead and the government got everything. Oscar was a damn intense movie. It seems very difficult to figure out what I am thinking. Wen I try I blank out, and I keep trying to figure out what stream of consciences s then. Life is good. This entire internet business is pretty cool. I never would of thought I could write a paper, and then send it to a teacher by pushing a submit button. I wonder how much longer I will be writing this. I only have ten more minutes left. Everyone always asks what you are thinking about, when you are just sitting there thinking. Usually you say nothing because you just don't want to tell them. Now I am trying to think of what I am thinking and I am getting nothing. Cricket is a great sport. There is going to be the Sahara cup going to be played in Canada. It is India vc. Paistan. One of the biggest cricketing rivalries in the world. Team Pak is going to be victorious. Aamir sohai is a great Cricketer. I can not believe that they dropped him from the team. Granted he was a little out of form, but he would have taken the Indian crap bowlers around the park and back. This is beginning to seem kind of silly. I hope that was your point. I wonder if any body is actually going to read this. For some reason I doubt it. Whoever is reading it though I feel sorry for. That is a lot peoples garbage talk you have to read. Maybe it isn't. I have no idea what it is. This screen is really weird. How come only three lines have popped up. I have been writing for 15 minutes. Is this some kind of ploy so we can not see what we have written. I can not believe that I only thought about that now. In fact I just noticed that only this much was on the screen. Very Very Interesting. I am getting tired of typing. I am waiting for these final minutes to tick away. I hope you gain something out of this, because I don’t think I will. actually I might, but I have no idea how. I was thinking about quitting early, but what if you had some kind of device that told you how long I was on for. That is actually pretty scary. only god knows what technology can do nowadays. Anyway I hope you enjoy reading this. It is quite possible that I have enjoyed writing it. It is fun and relaxing to write something, without having o go back and proofread. It seems like you are an expert typer actually. Anyway now my 20 minutes are up, so have faith and have fun. If you read this give me an A. Even though It does not matter. This completion grade stuff is amazing. All my classes should do it.",low,low,low,high,low +"The RTF305 Usenet site is a piece of garbage! I just sent my first required message, only to have another person's name in the From slot! Now I probably won't get credit, and worse yet, I can't access it again! The computers here suck! It's bad enough I wait in line just to use one. Well, that's it, I have got to get my own. Or perhaps, bring my old one from home. It seems different, even though basically everything is the same. It's on my desk at home right now. That antique desk where I spent hour after hour perfecting my work, listening to my favorite music right now. I hear Journey, and String right now, now if that stereo down the hall would shut up! What are they paying for anyway? They come miles upon miles, after earning the right to be here, and then squander it on stupid sound effects, and loud music. If I wanted to hear Inspector Gadget during the Simpson’s, I would change the channel! I only get to watch t. v. for 30 minutes or so a day, and I certainly want to choose, and if my roommate and I don't choose, why should that inconsiderate shmuck down the hall get to!? Speaking of halls, that turn was so tight in the one off of my computer room. I used to feel plush carpet under my feet, and the cold, refreshing taste of Coke when I walked quickly into the room to begin my work for the night. And all those shows that I missed! I missed countless mindless hours of television. Pure, mind-numbing entertainment, what can beat that. I see industrial carpet on the wall right now. How plush my bed was! Jake used to love when I gave him nip, or scratched his ears at night. It reminds me of when that bumpkin exterminator came to the large, clean, inviting house thought he was a bob cat. So the vet called him ""big-boned"", that doesn’t mean he was obese. So he ate 3 bowls a day, and was a 20 pound cat with a gut. That reminds me of ""Cats"" when the twenty pounder is the human equivalent of 300 or so pounds. That theatre rocked. I. M. Pei is awesome, but that other guy on t. v. is an eccentric freak. The Myerson is cool, I could go for some more hot chocolate now, just like during the Christmas musical we went to. That guy was pretty short who my mom worked with, and bald as a bowling alley floor. I have to play pool before I go insane! That basement used to smell musty, but the sleepovers were fun.",high,high,low,low,low +"I'm really unsure about this assignment because I'm afraid I won/t be able to think of things to say for 20 minutes so I'll start off with why I'm so mad right now. last night Allison, Rebecca, and Stephanie and I went with Paul and trey to go coon hunting because Allison and I went with them last weekend and it was fun, so anyway we drove for an hour to get to Killeen over this bridge that they hang prostitutes from no that was later first we went to this house that was so trashy that Rebecca didn't even want to go inside to use the bathroom so she went outside that’s gross then we drove to the place for hunting and they made us get in the bed of the truck and trey drove about 50 mph and we were flying all around we played this I’ve never game I didn't realize that Rebecca and Stephanie are just like me that’s cool so then we go over this bridge that smells like shit or rotting carcasses or something and we were so scared because Stephanie was telling a ghost story abo9ut a bridge and then trey turned around and we went over the bridge about 3 more times we were so scared then we get to the field and Paul was already being an asshole and they took the dogs out Allison had begun Paul had Jodi and trey had flip and they left the walker bitch spice in the truck so we start walking toward the creek which turned out to be raw sewage and I refused to go any further and Paul screamed at me that I was a bitch and he didn't give a fuck what I did so I went back through the woods with no flashlight so I could get in the truck I have never been more scarred in my entire life I prayed the whole time and I took spice out because I was afraid that I was going to get raped and murdered or something I was bawling and trying to tell my parents through telepathy that I loved them and that I would miss them because I was going to die then I heard a voice yelling my name and asking for help it was trey he was coming back to make sure I was okay I was so happy then about 30 minutes later the others came back, they looked like night of the living dead with briars and thorns all in their hair they told me they wished they'd stayed with me then they got in their bras and panties because their clothes were soaked with sewage and we drove home the whole time Paul is bitching to Allison about everything and treating her like shit I think she could do so much better but she's in love and I told her that but we didn’t get home until 4am and I had a 10 class that I've missed too much already but I made it and that has basically what has been consuming me today I’m sorry if its not what you wanted.",high,high,high,low,high +Today was a tough day for me. I can't believed I failed to talk to Asweenee. No girl has ever had that much power on me. Its probably the sun kicking in. I can't wait to go to the football game on Saturday. UT is definitely going to beat Rutgers b/c Rutgers lost last week to a weak team by more than 20 points. Calculus class is going to be boring tomorrow because the professor is going to continue his lecture on limits. I hope we get no homework or else I will be very busy Wed. night. That phone next door is driving me crazy! Why does Kyle have the ringer on so high? I need to buy the Bush CD soon. The songs on that CD will pump me up and let me overcome my fear of talking to Asweenee. I hope she remembers me from the concert and knows that I am not some weird freak. Neal seems to enjoy studying Chemistry for no reason because he does the extra problems even though they are not due at all. I guess he feels insecure about his ability in Chemistry. I hope the Giants win next week at Jacksonville. It should be a good game but knowing my luck they won't even televise that game. Who cares about the Cowboys? Tonight I want to email Steve and tell him my difficult conquest for a girlfriend. Maybe things will clear up the next few days and I will finally have the courage to do what I am so good at: socializing. I have never froze up like this in a long time. Maybe I am thinking too much about screwing up. I know I am better than that. Baseball season is almost near the homestretch. I hope the Yankees can catch up to the Orioles and go back to the World Series. My parents are probably trying to call right now and are wondering why the phone line is busy. I wondering how Linh is adjusting at Rice? I hope she is not getting too depressed about not seeing Paul because I am not there to help her get through this hard time. I am glad I was there for her this summer because she needed a good friend who could understand her. I really miss her a lot but at the same time I know she will be fine. I sound like her parents. I wonder how Craig's drive to Minnesota is? His dad is probably giving him a lecture after what happened to him this summer. This room needs more AC. AC. The idiot next door is blaring his music. Spice girls suck! If he is going to listen to music at least show some taste. I think I am starting to feel the effects of the Hunan chicken. That stuffed dog looks like Snoopy. Neal must be attached to this toy.,low,high,high,high,high +"Well, I am sitting in the library right now, you know the one across from Jester Center. I am hard at work trying to think of things and writing them down as I go along. Oh, I just heard someone moving in his seat making a creaking noise. There he goes again. Why can’t he this guy sit still. Boy am I sleepy, my neck has a cramp and there goes that guy again moving in his in his seat. Oh, the fountain (I had to look up for this one) is making noise. Okay. it stopped now. Boy am I tired. I wish I was sleeping right now. I can hear people walking in the distance and someone flipping through pages in a book. I wonder what he is looking for. It is probably something for his ultra tough class. Man, I am tired. Excuse me but I have to stop writing for a second. Boy I really can not see anything without my glasses. My eyesight must be really bad. Go figure, I have been wearing glasses since the 7th grade. I liked them at first and thought they were cool but I despise wearing glasses. It hurts my ears and gives me a headache sometimes. Ah, just needed to pull the chair in a little. Man, I wish someone was here to massage my neck and shoulder, preferably a girl. This just can not get any worse, now I am beginning to feel pain in my forearm from writing so much. I think I am really out of shape for my forearm to be hurting so much. Wow, this is truly horrific, everything around me is a blur. Man, if someone killed every one in this room and I saw him. I would probably not be able to identify him or even describe him to the police. Boy, my sight is so bad. Good, I only have about eight more minutes of writing. I wish I can go to sleep right now, but no, I have to finish this writing assignment. Man, does this mean I would have to type this on the computer. Great, well I will be getting out of here real soon. Oh, I can see much better now. What is with the neck cramp. Things could not get any worse for me. Here I am sitting here and having to write for at least twenty minutes on the stream of my conscience. My eyes are drooping and heavy, my chest is in pain from the way I am sitting, and my right arm is so tired. Please stop! Dude, I have about three more minutes. Time sure flies by real fast. Yeah right! Cool, that guy has an outline of a roadrunner on the back of his shirt. Man, well is he not a little too noisy. I mean we are in the library, man, and people are trying to do a writing assignment for psychology here, man. Dude, I just heard the door opened and shut. Alright, I can finally stop now. Hope you like it. That was twenty minutes of my life down the tube. Thanks a lot. Just kidding. Ha! Ha!",high,high,high,high,high +"I have done this assignment three times in the past ten minutes and the computer has changed screens when I was looking t the keyboard, so I apologize if you have received several copies of this assignment already- in case you haven't I will write everything I have written already because it is what I am mostly thinking about - firstly though, my roommate is in the next TV room and listening to the TV very loudly with apparently no regard for the fact that I am doing homework- the volume on the television is stopping me from having any complete thoughts which I suppose is ideal for your purposes but quite irritating to me- I have always disliked stream of consciousness writing especially since we read Virginia Woolfe last year in my English class- We were given a similar assignment and I was told that I could not complete the assignment to my teacher's specifications, mostly because I think more clearly that I speak in most circumstances and even then I have to rework the thoughts over and over in my head before I feel they are strong to enter into an argument. I greatly enjoy debating, and I have never been accused of making a completely outlandish argument before( unless that was my goal in the first place, which falls under a different train of though so I won’t mention that here) but my brother and father would argue constantly as I was growing up and the insults and reasons behind those insults that be passed back and forth would be unorthodox and so deprived of reason that I made it my goal not to speak, especially in a debate, unless I was sure that my argument could not be beaten by any irrational statement-I mean rational statement I would let the irrational statements defeat themselves- My favorite aspect of debate would actually be --this all gets back to a time when we were assigned to write a bill that we would take to a fake model united nations conference and we would have to present a bill that we wanted passed- in fact, my partner and I rarely wanted the bills we proposed to be passed, but we just wanted people to have to argue against them, in most cases we would try to make our bills interesting or at least darkly satirical, so that the only arguments that could be made against them would be based on moral rationalization rather than common reason- the moral debates would most likely get everyone interested and could be defeated by one who was willing not to be moral- none of our bills ever passed-As I write this I find that I am often losing my train of thought but I don't believe that that is how I usually think- as a result of the confines of this experiment I am discovering that I am thinking more quickly than I normally do and I can't explain why that is other to keep typing, however, when I am normally thinking, I still try to think slowly and articulately so as not to speak something that makes me look ignorant-this is said mostly to point to out possible flaws in the ways of tracing thoughts . now in fact I a running out of things to say-before I finish, which is still about seven minutes away- I'd like to apologize for the many spelling errors that are sure to be found in his assignment- don't mean the errors that are natural such as words that I just don't know the spelling of but rather, I mean the words that look as if they have been written by an idiot because I am not a very talented typist and my fingers are slipping over the keys, I would go back and fix these errors but that seems contradictory to the nature of the assignment 2:53 that was the time at which I am writing this I am also realizing that occasionally there is no clear and concise thought n my head which I can write down or there are just so many thoughts that I an not possibly transfer them onto paper at the rate at which they are passing through- I hate leaving the impression with anyone that I am ignorant and I think that is the main reason I dislike this assignment, because I don't see how anyone can read this and not see exactly that- it is my hope that at least everyone will appear ignorant and then at least I will be on even ground - I also hate writing this to a professor of psychology because I am sure it is analyzed more than is necessary- if this assignment is done honestly then you could probably jut talk to someone and get just as many honest answers- well -I've just hit nineteen minutes and I suppose that last sentence is just a good a place to finish off as any where.",low,low,low,low,low +"well I am just sitting here thinking about how I cannot wait to get home and go to sleep now I am thinking about my girlfriend and how much I really care for her I don't know, now notre dame football just popped into my head and I decided to slow down my typing because I am typing faster than I can think. I just thought about why we cannot stop and think about this project then I asked a question to myself about my ring, and why it is so dirty. well you see I am this huge notre dame fan and would give anything to go there but I didn't get in d so I am going to have to wait another year of so. I feel bad for not correcting these words as I go. why did I not , now this girl I used to know my freshman year of highschool popped into my head she was cool but now I have a really cool girlfriend, she is the sweetest thing in the whole world, she loves to cuddle which makes me very happy, the movies we have seen pop into my head, now I think I am doing this assignment wrong. well let's see Mrs. dolce, Mrs. angel I guess we are just supposed to put our thoughts and not dwell on them my best friend and I playing soccer together, I wonder how he is doing. he moved to Dallas. Teresa again, Baxter, the trial he is working on, the driver to where ever he wants me to go, notre dame versus purdue, how the guy that cut my hair didn't know a thing about notre dame, but said he did. Teresa and how I think of her all of the time how long this whole little get together on the computer is going to take. I am really not enjoying this because I feel I think about Teresa way to much, oh well, I wander where the send button is on this computer. what time will I have to get tomorrow morning so that I can get all of my computer science homework done. I hope Teresa and I stick together for a long time. I think she is cool the whole question of love comes up though and I don't know if I love her yet I might but I don't know. I feel very sorry fore Amy, now Alexis is in my thoughts, she is cool b but I am already taken so nothing is going to happen there. I am very content. French class really sucks but I am at least trying, hopefully my teacher sees this and helps me out more than she has in the past. my hair looks pretty cool right after it is cut. I thought I heard someone in the library, Oh well. This whole return thing is annoying. I keep hearing weird noises. The skyline is pretty cool the lights are so numerous. these office buildings really scare me at night, especially when nobody is here, every little noise makes me jump. well this is very exciting but I only have 12 minutes left, I am not even half way done. Teresa and one of our first dates, what that thing across the river is, I really hope my care doesn't get a ticket, that would make this day very bad. although this day has been pretty good do far, and it only has an hour left. only one more day before I get to see Teresa. and two till notre dame plays purdue. I am living the good life. pay day is on Friday. my math teacher would make a great Santa clause at one of these malls over the Christmas holiday. I wonder what time I will finally get home. I really cannot wait. this is pretty cool being able to get off work and have computer access just one floor up. only eight minutes left, I am very excited. there are a bunch of motor cycles outside they are really annoying, but oh well. I still to go home and work on my computer program so that I can just get get her tomorrow and right it up. If I get here at 5 that gives me two hours to do this lovely project, and I am sure I will be doing the second assignment. I must sound really rude but really I am extremely tired and cranky so I'm sorry if I seem grouchy. I wonder how often Teresa thinks about me because I think about her a whole lot. more noises, they are really scary. my nose itches. the green lights are cool on that building across the lake. will it is almost time for me to sign off, if I can only find the send key I would be a happy man. my head is now hurting, I hope teresa's straw project comes out o. k. I wonder what the friends I am going to meet are like. If they are like her they will be cool. see ya",low,low,low,low,high +"Ok I've put this off long enough and you say that 25% of the class has already completed this assignment so I think its time for me to too. 20 minutes. jeez that seems like a really long time now that I’m sitting here and just RAMBLING on and on and on and on. . this is all typing on one line. do I have to hit return to send it to the next line?? I think I’m gonna try it and see what happens. Whoa. that was WAY cool man. like totally. so cool. I'm gonna have to do it again!!! Well I’m bored right now. 1 minute elapsed. I just ate dinner I had a hamburger. it seems that’s what I eat every night now. I’m so boring!!! :-) <<~~that's really cool isn’t it?? say yes say yes. but you cant cause you Don’t SPEAK!!! No doubt ROCKS!!! Don't speak. I know what your saying. so please stop explaining. don't tell me cause it hurts. that song is so good~~I used to love it before they started playing it on the radio 24-7. I like sad songs. they make you think. and thinking is good for the soul?? teacher?? pick me pick me!!! I'm raising my hang but no one's calling on me!!! It always seem like I misspell no one. because that would be pronounced NOON would it not?? if I said NO space ONE. then that would sound ok but it looks SOO weird!!! AHHHH!!! I am slowly going crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch. slowly am I going crazy. 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch. you know what?? this is a really really cool assignment!! I think it'd be cool if I could jut talk to someone like this totally going off on tangents whenever I want to. speaking of tangents. i hate precalculus!!! I don’t think I should take calculus in college cause my roommate( who I will get to later) says its really hard and he's quite the WIZ at math. I’ll take it at community college maybe,. yeah yeah yeah. ogh my roommate kareem. he’s a friend of mine from Houston. its like we've been together 24-7 since we moved in together and its really kinda annoying. i feel bad cause he was like one of my best friends and now its like I don’t wanna be around him anymore!!. so I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want. if you want my future forget my past. if you wanna get with me. better make it fast. SPICE girls SUCK!!! I’m listening to a new CD right now that I got at the radio station at UT---91. 7 KVRX. I'm applying for a position there as a DJ or something. that should be thrilling. I just wanna be heard GUYS!!! if you wannabe my lover you gotta get with my friends. if the song was called gotta get it would be COOLER!!! this is gonna be like so long!!! I still have 11 minutes!! what am I gonna do!!! there was this girl in front of us in PSYCH. today who my friend says is really stuck up and superficial so I kept whispering ""superficial"" to see if she'd turn around. she never did. so does this mean she's NOT superficial or she IS. she just doesn’t know it. as often is the case. I think this paper rocks man!! I bet ya'll get some really freaky ones like the end of the world is coming to Austin!!!! the MTV video music awards is on in 2 hours1! what if I get like caught in the net and I cant watch the awards!?!?! that would suck!!! I'm going home in 2 weeks~~~ my friend is having a bisexual encounter tonite ~~that's pretty weird huh?? I don’t really understand the concept of bisexuality~~ isn't it either on or the other?? well I think of myself as bisexual. and HEY NOW you cant go printing this all around the class cause I haven’t really told. well anyone except like 3 people. but its so weird~~~~so so so weird~~i could be a lab rat couldn’t I??? I m not a rat!! I wanna be a guinea pig. all my gay friends say they don’t believe in bisexuality. to each his own I guess. I have a lot of gay friends case I worked t the gap this summer~~~that was actually like the coolest job I've had THUS far in my illustrious career in the working world. 5 minutes to GO!!! yay!!! HOW in the hell are y’all gonna read all this!!!! my roommate just came home. what a DORK. he’s in the bathroom rite now. I told him he cant be in here cause he’s interrupting me but it's really cause I don’t want him to see what I wrote!!! uh OH . phone call. I’m talking on the phone call. on the phone call?? that was naji. that's kareems friend. that I seemed to have bonded with better than kareem has. I feel bad taking his friend away from him but I cant help it if I get along better with him ya know ya know?? this is really long!! what if I like typed for 4 hours!?? sucks to be YALL!! :-) well this has been a BLAST. and 20 minutes is up. in one minute. kareem just screamed so he could get his name on this paper. little did he know his name is already in it. from before!!! ok. well its been 20 minutes and this was really cool. I LOVE YOU!!! whoever reads this!!! knowledge is power. and teachers go around giving it away for free~~how sweet!!! well actually I believe there were some fees included in this class. and its not like the teachers aren’t compensated in some sort so Somebody’s paying for them to give away the knowledge. SO anyway. its been real. I'm actually sad to go. I've become so attached. talk to you later!!! love y a more!!! ~~~~~~joshua",low,low,low,high,high +"sitting here just writing stuff down on paper. thinking about going out tonight. I’m pretty happy because the navy paid me some more money. so there is money to go out with. I’m doing this on paper hoping it's a little easier than just typing. time goes slow when you are waiting on it. that girl is really cute. I can not concentrate on one thing for that long of a time. there are people here talking which takes my attention. the football game tomorrow. I’m not going. every body seems to be gung-ho about going. I don't see the big deal. watch it on tv who is lance corporal ruther. being late for pt would suck because they make you write about that stuff. thoughts are a weird thing everything you look at will bring on a thought the books, people everything they talk about will make you think a certain thing and it's not like you can ignore them when there in the same room. there's too much time for me to make up today. I can't do it. I wonder what they'll do. probably not much I’ll have about three quarters of I so it shouldn't be a big deal. it's good that we have it but it should be open alot later than just 9 o'clock. extra study. the ROTC unit is good that way I guess I wonder how late I have to stay there today. it doesn't really matter I guess but I want to go out tonight this is my one night to go out and get drunk so I plan on doing it not real bad but some. people are trying to figure out there total hours. I need to but I doubt it'll help it's funny how people use there study hours. mostly trying to figure out little things to do. everything but study. I think that's time I hope this is close to what the assignment was. my mind is pretty simple so it's hard to write for that long about what it's doing.",low,high,low,high,low +"always a problem. My hair is really wet and I should go dry it, but this assignment is what I need to do now. I almost slept through my eight o clock class, but I somehow made it. Ok this show keeps getting cheezier and cheezier oh dear. I have to cash a check and deposit it so my check book balances, which is something that needs to be done and really quickly because I will have to pay extra for all the hot checks I have written- uh oh. My twenty minutes probably seems shorter because I am a slower typist than most people. Kristen is a psycho whore, I hate hate her. Something shocking happens on this show every 5 seconds. I don't think that Days of our lives is a good show, but I seem to be addicted to it anyway. Keri is so nice and her and Austin are finally together, but probably not for long because there is s",low,low,high,high,low +"Psychologists. Always trying to understand how the mind works, and how it doesn't work in some cases. Can such things be understood, or are we merely deluding ourselves that knowledge of any kind can be attained? I guess I've always found psychology to be a very pretentious field. though an interesting one. We all want to control our lives, and anticipating the actions and desires of others helps us maintain that facade of control. Perhaps I'm getting into a more philosophical realm at the moment, but that is where my thoughts take me. Is free will merely an illusion? I've thought about this a lot. Unfortunately there are no definitive answers to this or other questions. Is there a god? I've never heard a logically sound argument for the existence of a god. I allow for the possibility of a deity, but it certainly wouldn't be the Christian God. I think ultimately that I have to agree with the existentialists. There is no proof for or against the existence of a god, so we should stop wasting time speculating and just deal with this life. Few people can deal with that. Our fear of death makes us create religions, so that we can pretend there is some semblance of life after our earthly bodies die. These are not new thoughts, I'm just thinking on demand; my mind moves most easily to the pathways it knows, and I present some of the more coherent ideas here. Is someone actually reading this? Do you understand that I am human? I am not an object. I am in a body, but I am not the body alone. I am a mind, vast and complex. I am. Do you feel superior because you can analyze minds? I ask you this, so that you can ask yourself. Do you enjoy treating people as objects? Do you even admit in your conscious mind that you treat people as objects? Perhaps not. It's possible that I'm being slightly unfair to you and your profession. Still, it is good to raise questions. We are all just a bit too complacent and easily controlled. I see the need for religion, but I think many of us are above that. I don't need to buy my morality from someone else. What moralists and philosophers do I respect? Plato, for his logic. Kierkegaard, except the theism. Kant, for his explications of metaphysics and epistemology. Nietzsche, except at the end of his days. LaVey, except for his dependence on rituals and his arrogance. Psychologists and behavioral scientists? I stay away from most. At some point I'll get back into it, but I was just too turned off by Freud and his pretentious assumptions. Other reading? Fiction, lots of it. I would name a few dozen authors but then why subject myself to the judgments of someone I can't even see. Music. I find music to be very important. You can't get by without music. And you can't just listen indiscriminately either. I think a real understanding of notes, rhythms, chords, and instrumentation is required before one can say anything about any kind of music. Do you understand music? How are you reacting to my questions? You must be used to asking the questions instead of having someone else ask them. Are you getting anything out of this? Is this more interesting than most responses to the same assignment, or do you even care? Are you turning to a colleague and saying ""hey, this kid was actually making a futile attempt to understand my motives. "" Fun with role reversals! I considered producing a surreal and rambling narrative for this assignment, but then you might have taken that a bit too seriously (""bob, we got another wacko here""). Ah well, time passes and other pursuits await. Goodbye for now.",high,low,low,low,low +"1 Freestyle- trying to write down thoughts that are moving so slowly now-- after spending the day walking up and down the Drag so many times (seems like millions!) in the hot sun. then waiting in line for this computer for ages. I wonder if this is right because its only making one long line instead of lots of lines Maybe I was supposed to press RETURN! Cant think right now except about going home to my new apartment, which is the first apartment that I've ever had. Very big, clean, airy, light, very TEXAS. I wish I had an apartment that was more original, as if there were only one like it in the whole world. With hardwood floors and pets allowed. So I could get a Lasa Apsa. But I’m going to sneak a ferret into my place because they are the CUTEST!!! You can bend them in half and twist them around everywhere and they are so playful. Anyway if I had a ferret I would name it Camilla cuz we used to have a kitten named Camilla but we had to give it away. If I had two children I always thought I would name them Madeline and Jack, but now I’m not sure because Jack sounds like a name for a psychopath--- like in the Shining. These are the ultimate boring thoughts but my brain is in slow motion so oh well. I’m absolutely starving right now I could eat yum pasta and artichokes and sushi and olives and steak (not all together!) I have weird taste in food because of growing up overseas I can remember being so little and my parents would take us out for Asian food-- me and Liz only four and five and eating spicy kimchi (MMMM) or fighting over what was the best piece of sushi. And when we only babies our favorite treat was FISH EYES, which I wouldn’t be able to stomach now. That was in the Philippines, where we left when I was two, and my only memory of it is a grayish image of lizards on the window above my crib. Some memories are suspicious- like I wonder if they are really mine-- maybe at a young age (like 5 or 6), somebody told me how I loved the lizards outside my window and my mind just fashioned a blurry picture of the view from my crib. Its hard to believe that a person can remember things that happened such a long time ago, especially when you cant remember what you had for lunch the day before yesterday or the name of your high school Physical Science teacher (Mr. Stockwell??) My minutes are nearly up, thank God cuz I need FOOD! Which will probably be Capn Crunch or a tuna sandwich since we need to go grocery shopping. Interesting exercise, too bad my thoughts are nowhere near as beautiful as the stream of con. in Ulysses. Right now food is the main thing on my mind, thank you for reading this.",high,low,low,high,low +"Well, I feel good about the fact that I am getting this assignment done well before it is due. Today is one of those days that I feel really motivated to do my homework, as opposed to those days in which I don't do anything worthwhile. The excitement of college is starting to wear off and I think that the reality of the fact that I am here is finally sinking in. I really hate the way this typing field doesn't automatically move the sentence down to the next line! I really don't seem to be thinking about anything interesting right now. I am just feeling average, not extremely excited or unhappy. I really cannot think of anything to type. I think my mind is clearing itself like it usually does when I sit down to right a paper. No stray thoughts seem to be coming to me. I am fairly excited about this psychology course. I think this course will not only be very interesting but helpful as well because I plan to go into medicine. Boy, this twenty minutes is going by slowly. I think I might be typing too much too fast. Perhaps I am supposed to sit and wait till a thought comes to me before I type. I have tried to type in my current thoughts and feelings. My roommate is typing on his computer as well, annoying. Now he has turned on his fan, which is fairly loud . he switched it off. Still no stray thoughts. I guess composing these sentences are thoughts. This assignment is all I am thinking about right now. Four minutes to go. Three minutes to go. I have to go out and buy an answering machine today. I have to get back before nine so I can make the upper East Jester floor meeting. Free pizza will be there! I hope its Double Dave's. Oh, they have good pepperoni rolls, I don't know about their pizza. Well, it has been 20 minutes.",high,high,low,high,low +"Okay here it goes. I am freezing in this computer lab doing this project that no one will ever read but, hey, I don't want to be negative. Let's start with something else. I want to start over already. I do that every time. Just like when I am about to serve a volleyball, I always get stuck for some reason and have to start over. it is like I don't trust what I am about to do. All I can really think of right now is how the professor, I don't even know his name, was talking about thinking about my Dog. Oh yea, Pennebaker. I am not really thinking anything at all now. this really makes this assignment difficult. I know that I’m not spelling any of these words right. My hands are so tired, I’m sure why. This reminds me of when I was a little girl, and I would lay in bed at night and try to see if I could think nothing. But I would always seem to be thinking two thoughts at a time. I would be thinking I'm thinking nothing, I'm thinking nothing"" and at the same time, I would be singing a song in my head or something. I don't see how this project can work really. It seems like I have so many thoughts per second, that by the time I write down one thought, so many are missed that you don't get and accurate stream of consciousness. Some bell just went off. I thought it might a fire alarm but it's not. I don't think it would matter if it was, no one seemed to care. I always think about thoughts people have while they are one stage. And dreams. my friend Amber, her mom owns this weird new age shop where they have a lot of drean stuff. There is this woman that will tell you your future. Just like when I was working in New York, John, my boss, went to a psychic and I always think about this woman who's eyes are green like she is possessed or something. I thought john was really dumb to go to those things. He also did cocaine, man he was really messed up. I wish I would not have stayed at that job as long as I did. I wonder why there are some people like John, then there are some people that have a head on their shoulders. I guess I'm going to being learning about that in psychology. I hope my little brother makes it into this school next year, Mom and Dad say that his grades aren’t good enough. That sort of breaks my heart. I wonder how in the world I can really write down my thoughts when half the time, I don't even know what I’m thinking. It seems like the thoughts overlap some times. I can't wait till the results of the audition go up today. This assignment is funny, I bet a bunch of people come in here and write on this thing like it's a diary or something then someone out there reads it and tired man I'm tired 5 o’clock this morning I am just pushing buttons helping some guy out there make an experiment I am not even looking at the screen haven't been this whole time really I like pressing the space bar this makes me so self conscience because I am having the stupidest thoughts my eyelids are closing I don't want to go to lunch with that girl today she is so young my head id getting heavy this is funny like a dramatic comedy I guess I think in theatre terms a lot, huh I also think about my dad right now when I was growing up I can't remember when I started this thing but I think in a few minutes I will be done red headband cold on my arms nothing to do until noon sound of the computer next to me typing of the keys this chair hurts my back every time I push it up it falls down I brought an extra pad today oh, if that guy reads this I hope he don't get grossed out by that part. I love finding out about god. that sky was so beautiful sun big whole when I get sleepy, no one can understand me. big guy to my left sound again cut thoughts I just erased something I wrote down I ruined the experiment sounds off flipping pages that's it twenty",high,low,high,high,high +"I miss the way my life used to be a little bit. Everyone else seems to be having a so much fun which is cool and really I'm not having a bad time at all, it's just I feel like I'm missing something in my life up here. I don't have all the close friends around me that I used to which is bothering me in a way. Things will be get better I know it, cuz this is the way I feel at the beginning of my life after a big change happens. I'm kinda irritated at Marissa I guess because she just has it easy with the new people she's met. She always meets boys cus she's so pretty and silly. She's a perfect little blonde. I love her really and I have a good time with her I'm just tired of feeling like she's luckier. I think I like John which is really annoying but it's not my fault he wrote that dumb e-mail. I feel somewhat satisfied that he realized he does like me but can't have me cus I have someone else in my life. This computer is annoying. I hate computers that aren't like the one I have at home and that I know. I miss being able to chat on-line to Amy and steph and everyone else. I wish I could go to Canada just for the hell of it. I'm probably not the girl he would be looking for. he seems like the buff good looking ty0pe that everyone knows. oh well. My stomach keeps making these nasty noises whish gets embarrassing in class. I'm worried about school work. I know that I just need to keep on top of things and I'll be less stressed out and stuff. I just n4ed to get up tomorrow , go to class, then come back and do my Latin and then some math or something . Then do my bio after Latin and go to the discussion. I'll go run those errands and make those phone calls. maybe marissa will do them with me so we can hang. if not I'll call christina or someone. I want to get involved with the Wesly group so I can feel I have somewhere else to belong. I'm getting down, I can tell. I don't know why I can't get pepped again. I guess I shouldn't have gone home this weeke4nd. it made me homesick when I got back. maybe I just need to call someone or talk to a friend. john later or maybe Liz. Brady would be ok too. poor Brady likes me and I feel confused about him. I need to write to shawna or maybe call her too. what a phone bill. I need that cellular if I want to call Liz lots. I hate typing cus I look at the keys a lot. my fingernail looks nasty. I remember that day still and how calm and quiet it was. I miss a lot of stuff. I need to stop being this way, get some sleep and then get up and go about my day. this weekend will be cool at the football game. I just need to be friendly and meet people and stuff. one more minute I guess till I can stop. well, I bet I can stop now.",low,low,low,high,low +"I don't want to be in ROTC, but I have to strive for a scholarship. My parents can't afford to send me through all four years in college. I need money!! I hat ROTC. it's so stupid. Left face. Right Face. Bullshit. I don't want to be in the military. But to save my parents money I guess I'm going to have to put up with it. Oh well. Man I can't believe I slept I mean overslept through Nursing. I was there for only the last fifteen minutes of class. That makes two classes that I missed. Chemistry Lab and now this. I have to make straight A's I have to. I must succeed. My parents worked hard to see that I do. Damn it. I would be perfectly happy living in a small apartment working as a waitress well may be not a waitress. May be a teacher . Anything . I don't care how much money I make. But I owe it tom my parents. I'm not going to be like my brother. Damn I need to buy some shoe polish and some brasso for ROTC. Gaw I hate ROTC. I'm already taking fifteen hours plus four more hours or is it 3? of ROTC. That is too much for a freakin freshman. At least to me it is. Man twelve more minutes to go. I hate my roommate. She's such a bitch. She's a pig too. She ate all of my peaches. I said she could have one not twenty. I'm tired of techno music. I like rap and r&b. They don't play that shit down here. I wish Sabrina would hurry up. I'm hungry. I'm so stressed. I need a break. Summer was too short. I miss Louis. I miss sex. I need sex. That'll relieve my stress. But I can't do that. It's against my morals. Yeah right. Why don't I have sex? There are so many guys around here that would be more than willing to have sex with me. I'm so damn attractive. I'm like a magnet. I think that's the only thing really going for me. My looks. But that sure ain't going to last. I need to start concentrating on getting my mind fit instead of my body all the time. I wish I was as smart as other people. I want to be a pediatrician. No actually I want to be a veterinarian. But oh well. May be some other lifetime. Hopefully she or he would be more prepared than I was. I love Louis, but do I want to marry him. Will he be faithful to me. Does he really love me? I love his son so much. Perrion. Perrion. I love Perrion. I wish I could see him. I love him more than his father. I would do anything for that little boy. Damn I hate the mother. I have never been jealous of anyone in my life, except for her. Shelly Malley. I hate her. No I don't hate anyone. I'm such a nice person. I couldn't hurt a soul. That night I could've pounded her ass, but I didn't. I have self control and I have maturity. But damn it would have felt so good just to break her face. I miss Leona. I can't believe she didn't want to spend any time with me when I came down to visit. That hurt so bad. I loved that girl. She was like a sister to me. What happened? My loved ones are leaving me left and right. Soon daddy is going to pass away. No. I don't want you to daddy. I love you so much. Why can't god give some one else his pain and suffering. He doesn't deserve it god. Give it to fucking Charles Manson or that guy that killed that little girl in Killeen. But not my daddy. It's not fair. Okay 20 minutes passed. I'm done.",high,low,low,high,high +"My neighbor from across the hall is letting me use her computer because she is online. I went to Kinsolving and the lab was closed, that stunk. I'm very tired because I did not get very much sleep last night. Some girls on my wing and I were going to go to some Frat parties, but we wound up staying in the dorm and watching movies. It turns out one of my roommate’s friends is also in this psy. class, I thought that was really neat, although the class is so huge, it doesn't surprise me. I haven't seen very many of my high school friends here at UT, I really didn't want to talk about college because that is the other assignment, but it seems to be the most foremost thing on my mind right now. The Cowboys are kicking off their season tomorrow at noon!!! I worked for them for about nine months, so I am somewhat obligated to watch, that and the fact that my step-father has been a fan for 23 years or so. I was able to get him a bluebook autographed by Troy Aikman for Father's Day this year! I really enjoyed giving that to him I love giving gifts, it's my most favorite thing to do!!! I love to make people happy and some people think I'm crazy for that, but I think it's great. That's another reason I have enjoyed my intern ship with the Cowboys so much. When I get a letter about a sick child, my heart sinks and to know that sending something from the Cowboys will make them feel better or at least distract from the state they are in. Let's see 7 more minutes of writing. My roommate and I were talking about our special talents, I told her mine was finding holes in sidewalks!! Yes, if I walk down Guadalupe, I WILL fall in every hole and look like a fool in front of at least 20 people that happen to be walking by!! That is something else, hey!! I just found out that my step-mom got a new car, and my dad bought her old one from her. This is a man who says he cannot send me $100 a month, but can take a two week vacation to South Dakota and buy a new car in the same month!! Anyway, that subject somewhat depresses me. ok 2 more minutes of writing, I can handle it, hey I'll bet you can tell I'm a slow typer now, can't ya!!! Well it sure has been great talking to you. And as our good friend TEX would say: Goodbye and good luck.",low,high,low,high,high +"I'm feeling jealous right now. I got an email from one of my friends. She informed me that my x-girlfriend is now dating a new person. It makes me mad. I don't know why. I don't like her anymore. Oh, well, just forget it. I'm hot. maybe it has something to do with the recent news. I guess I just need to ""cool off"". I really like it here at UT. everybody is very nice. I’m trying to think of what to type. I’ve got this particular song in my head, and I can't get rid of it. it's aggravating. I’m tired. I wish I could take a nap, but the dorms are to loud. wow, she's pretty. I wonder if she'll be my future wife. maybe, maybe not. I wonder if I should ask Emily to dinner tonight. I can't think of a way to ask her without making it sound like a date. I fear being rejected. I guess that's what pisses me off about my x. she ""just friended"" me, but I think the real reason was never mentioned. I hope she rots in hell. Emily’s really nice. she seems really mature. I almost consider her a big sister, but not really. she just acts like she could be. I’m getting sick of jester food. it all tastes the same. like shit. she's attractive. every girl here is really pretty, with some exceptions of course. so far, it seems like college has been all play and no work, except for this of course. there's so many people here. sometimes it's overwhelming. so much diversity. and yet, so much organization. I really like the atmosphere. the game last night was a blast. I’ve never had so much fun at a game. so much spirit and energy running through the air. being in the band is the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. it's taught me a lot. I think I’ve grown up so to speak. the idea of a computer lab strikes me as funny. all these people here, right next to each other, but there's still a sense of privacy. no one ever seems to look at other people's work. so much organization in so much chaos. I like Macs better than PC’s. I don't know why. they just appeal to me more. I wish I had a girlfriend. it's been a long time since I’ve been with someone. I miss it. I like the fact that my parents live here. we don't always get along, but I think that if they lived in another state, or even another city, I wouldn't be doing half as well here. I like the security. it's nice not having to miss them. and to not be homesick. I wish I could stay here forever. I don't want to have to get a job. but, at the same time, I often feel bad that my parents have to pay for my education. I’ve always been that way. I really love my family, I just don't know how to show it very well. I’m ready to start doing more work in classes. they're starting to get boring. I wonder what's to become of Ginny. I’ve always liked her, ever since high school. she lives so far away, Alabama. I’d love to date her. maybe because while I was with her, I never got the chance. damn, I wish I had the opportunity now. girls are so pretty. why? sometimes, they get in the way of more important things. sometimes I like the distraction, but sometimes it hurts me. I think I’m going to do well here. no problem. I’m very good at adaptation. I think my time's about up.",low,high,high,high,low +"Wow, this day has been hectic. I feel relieved that I got the math class I needed, finally. The people in the math dept. (at least sitting at the desk--- the ones I had, unfortunately, to deal with!) They were so rude and just did things at their own pace as if the students don't have classes or things to do. It was so annoying that the lady wouldn't let me fill out the permission form myself. I mean, I'm in college for God's sake! I can read and write and understand things pretty well. I think I can fill in the blanks for a unique # myself -- she wouldn't let me take it home since I hadn't decided which exact class of the 6 that I wanted. Then I had to come back the next day and wait in the long line again and deal with the same rude lady. I know their jobs are tedious and boring, but I don't like having to deal with adding and dropping either. You know, I just want to do it on Tex but I can't anymore! The biggest pain was all the running around I had to do for this and the frustration it gave me! I had to go to the professor's office find out his hours, then go to his hours the next day, sit in on class, find out that he doesn't accept late assignments and I've already missed 2 because of not being there, then trying to do the homework, getting the book, doing the homework, getting help from a friend, going back to the math dept. to find out if there was an opening in the class which there wasn't, going back at 8am to wait until they decided to open their doors around 8:45, find out the professor I wanted still doesn't have an opening and almost having to go through the whole process again, but the lady finally being nice to me and letting me go into another class and another professor without getting all the stuff signed. She said we were the last 5 people to get in and they had to take us so we didn't (thank G-d) have to go through it again. Now lets just hope I can understand this professor and that maybe he'll let me make up the assignments I've missed. I used to like math, but at the moment I am very ticked off at he entire idea of math because of this whole ordeal. In every other aspect of the university, or in many of them but not really all, I feel like I matter and I am not just my ssn. But dealing with this I feel like I am just being pushed around and can't get what I want. I know I won't always be able to get the classes I want or the times I want, I didn't get exactly what I wanted even registering in the first orientation this summer, but I am definitely lucky in that I got almost what I wanted it seems to work out. I just feel so unimportant because of this math dept. lady who could care less about me and my problem. I really expected her to tell me I had to go through the whole procedure again. Maybe she does have a heart since she didn't make me do it. I don't know. I just feel so, so small and belittled I guess. I don't know how to put it, I just feel bad in some strange way. Other than that problem and a few others that I need to take care of, I am really doing well here. I really feel at home and that I belong here. Coming from Atlanta, GA and moving, I know I'd love it, but I tried not to get my hopes up too high so that if things didn't work exactly as I planned I wouldn't be disappointed. I guess it worked because I do have to deal with these few problems and another big one, but I am still loving it! I am so glad to be here! I really feel like I mad the right decision. I'm meeting so many people and some of them I've already become great friends with because they are already caring and helping me with my problems and I'm helping them too. I'm really making some great bonds here! I feel so loved! And they don't call me to go out because they feel badly for me or anything, I feel that they genuinely want to hang out with me. Maybe that's just my perception but I really feel that way. and now I'm questioning myself, but I am serious and not just trying to make myself believe that. at least, I think so. But now I think I'm analyzing it all too deeply because I'm thinking -- but what if subconsciously I'm really just making myself believe that. I don't know. But I truly feel that it is a genuine feeling that I have that my friends are true friends for true reasons! Ok. I think I'll stop here before I analyze every bit of this!",high,high,high,high,low +"As I sit here in my dorm room, I am thinking about what I am supposed to do tonight. I have signed with the fraternity Sigma Alpha Mu and I am not sure what pledging is going to be like. It could be tough and it could be easy. My roommate is here and he is going to take a nap so I need to try to be quiet as I type. I am kind of anxious about this year and what the year will be like. There are so many people here and I am not sure whether I am fitting in well or not. Anyway, I get side tracked easily. I am going to the house at 7 PM and there we are going to be introduced to all the older guys and then we will probably introduce ourselves to the rest of the pledge class. I am anxious to meet all the cool guys who I am going to be spending the rest of my life with in college and hopefully there after also. I miss all my close friends at home. I live in Atlanta Georgia and they are mostly going to UGA but some of them are spread out across the country. I miss my friend Pamela the most and my best friend Michael the 2nd most but hey I hope they come and visit but if they don't oh well. My mom worries me cause she thinks I am doing alot of bad thing s here at school but really I’m not and I am being a good kid and trying to make good grades. I miss my little brother too. he is 13 years old and he is in 8th grade. I hope that he is having fun in junior high school cause I know I did. I keep telling him that high school is the best time of your life. He believes me but he cannot wait until next year when he can go to high school. My great grandmother is very sick and she is 97 years old. I went to visit her the day before I left for school and I was thinking that I may never see her again. She has lived a long and happy life and whenever the time comes, I know that god was the one who wanted her up there. M