F724 \n\nShe didn't even look at me, didn't bother asking why I was entering her place of business, didn't reply when I spoke and in no way acknowledged that I was even in her presence. Just handed me a ticket and was done with me. If this happened anywhere else, I would make an effort to never return, tell all my friends how horrible this experience was, and write a scathing review about the deplorable customer service of this business. Sadly, this was my Saturday morning at the DMV, a place I think is modeled after the agonizing depths of Hell. With the same musac score playing...and the same voracious stench in the air..and the same spastic children running around (only in my version of Hell, it's politicians campaigning around me). \n\nSo, I was already running late because I had to complete my emissions test early. Those nice people there not only told me there were only three DMVs open on Saturdays, they gave me a map. How precious. I was fortunate enough to be near one of the only DMVs open on Saturday (Seriously? Three DMVs open on Saturday for the entire Valley?) After receiving such a magnificent welcome, I knew this was quickly going to be among the most painful experiences of my life. To simplify what was so bad, let me make a list of what I feel constitutes acceptable behavior in public: \n\n1) Bathe. The combination of water and soap, along with massaging the skin, creates an outcome that is most pleasing. Be sure to scrub behind your ears and reference this website about another notorious spot : http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/htf/755891987.html \n\n2) Sit still. Yes, I know we're all waiting here for about an hour. But tapping your foot, rocking back and forth in your chair or bouncing your leg aren't going to make time go any faster. Trust me, I was watching the clock. If you feel anxious, get up and walk around. \n\n3) Leash your children. If they cannot sit quietly, leave them in the car. It's winter, they'll be fine. It's not cute when your little monster is running up and down the aisles with his honey bun squeezing out between his fingers. It's even more not cute when he fake-falls five times in a row right in front of me. \n\n4) Maintain quiet tones and ensure appropriate conversations when taking/making calls. To the lady behind me, I'm sorry you're not that experienced in stripping. The first thought that popped into my mind was you had a failed audition for Le Girl. Thanks to your continued conversation, I was able to figure out you were a woodworker. \n\n5) Acknowledge the humans around you. Yeah, I get it. I'm not that big. In fact, if I turn sideways I disappear. But, I'm still right in front of you so pay attention, quit bumping in to me and hitting my leg. Unless that was flirting, in which case you really need to find someone more your level. \n\nOh, the DMV: You have a brilliant recipe for dashing dreams and gutting humanity. And you manage to do it in a painfully lit room that reeks of a combination of my brother's old gym shoes and my dad's dirty underwear. There has to be an award for that, but I don't have the motivation to research it. \n\nOh, and F724 was my number upon entering. I spent and hour and 15 minutes looking at that slip of paper. Just so you know, that one star is for the website (which should probably get 3-4 stars but anchors like this oft sink the ship). \n \nLe sigh... \n\nOpen T-Sa 8:00am - 5:00pm; information only after 4:30pm