Writing prompt: Book Report of the Beach

Student essay:
Sitting in Ocracoke Inlet, we were loading food and water for the next expedition. The loading work will finished tonight and we are able to set out tomorrow morning.
At dusk, a big ship which doesn't seem like a pirate ship anchored about 200 yards away. They seemed as if they are spying me, waiting for a great opportunity to launch an assault. How foolish they are! I'm going to smash them tomorrow! Before the battle, we need to enjoy ourselves.
I went up to the deck and yelled. "Boys, we finished loading goods. Now, it's time to have some fun. Get the rum out! Let's enjoy the lovely evening! " Whoops and hollers broke out in the crowd. The last dinner before sailing, which usually represents loads of good foods and rum, is always the crew members' favorite time. The feasting, drinking, dancing and revelry continued till the early hours of tomorrow.
Dawn broke. A cold mist rolled in from the sea. The fog was so thick that I can't see that ship now at all. I get up and walked to the side of the ship. Then I suddenly spotted two boats coming nearer and nearer, as if they are going to attack.
"Villains! Who are you? " I shouted to them. One of them stood up. He called back, pointing to their mast where I can see a British flag flying. "You can see from our flag that we are not pirates. " My guess is right. They are British navy. How dare they set eyes on me? This will be my first victory this month. "Sent a boat, then. Come aboard, so I can see who you are. " "I can't spare a boat. But when I come I'll be bringing my pistols. " That guy replied. His crew laughed loudly.
Foolish guys, I thought. I'll teach you a lesson today. I shook my sword at them. "Come on, then! You'll be sorry you ever set eyes on me! Boys, run up our flag! Let's smash them into the sea! " A battle is going to break out.

Corrected essay:
Sitting in Ocracoke Inlet, we were loading food and water for the next expedition. The loading work was finished tonight and we were able to set out tomorrow morning.
At dusk, a big ship which didn't seem like a pirate ship anchored about 200 yards away. They seemed as if they were spying on me, waiting for a great opportunity to launch an assault. How foolish they were! I was going to smash them tomorrow! Before the battle, we needed to enjoy ourselves.
I went up to the deck and yelled, "Boys, we finished loading goods. Now, it's time to have some fun. Get the rum out! Let's enjoy the lovely evening!" Whoops and hollers broke out in the crowd. The last dinner before sailing, which usually represented loads of good food and rum, was always the crew members' favorite time. The feasting, drinking, dancing and revelry continued till the early hours of the next day.
Dawn broke. A cold mist rolled in from the sea. The fog was so thick that I couldn't see that ship at all. I got up and walked to the side of the ship. Then I suddenly spotted two boats coming nearer and nearer, as if they were going to attack.
"Villains! Who are you?" I shouted to them. One of them stood up. He called back, pointing to their mast where I could see a British flag flying. "You can see from our flag that we are not pirates." My guess was right. They were British navy. How dare they set eyes on me? This would be my first victory this month. "Send a boat, then. Come aboard, so I can see who you are." "I can't spare a boat. But when I come I'll be bringing my pistols," that guy replied. His crew laughed loudly.
Foolish guys, I thought. I'd teach them a lesson today. I shook my sword at them. "Come on, then! You'll be sorry you ever set eyes on me! Boys, run up our flag! Let's smash them into the sea!" A battle was going to break out.