Writing prompt: My Holiday In Los Angeles

Student essay:
Dear Alex,
On my last holiday,I went to Los Angeles with my parents.We arrived by plane on February 10,2014.It was 7 pm when we got to the hotel.So we had a short dinner and fell asleep soon.
Next day,we went to the Univeral Studios Hollywood and had fun there.It was very exciting.In the evening,we had dinner in a traditional American restaurant.Not only the beef but also the dessert was delicious.
On February 12,we went to OUTLETS and did some shoppings.The things were really cheap which were on sale.
On the last day,we just walked around and took some photos.At about 5 pm,we returned to China by air.
We had a good time.I am looking forward to going there again.
Yours,
Jerry.

Corrected essay:
Dear Alex,
On my last holiday, I went to Los Angeles with my parents. We arrived by plane on February 10, 2014. It was 7 pm when we got to the hotel. So we had a short dinner and fell asleep soon.
The next day, we went to Universal Studios Hollywood and had fun there. It was very exciting. In the evening, we had dinner in a traditional American restaurant. Not only the beef but also the dessert was delicious.
On February 12, we went to OUTLETS and did some shopping. The things on sale were really cheap.
On the last day, we just walked around and took some photos. At about 5 pm, we returned to China by air.
We had a good time. I am looking forward to going there again.
Yours,
Jerry.