Writing prompt: The Beauty Contests Should Be Held among Teenagers?

Student essay:
In the past few days, our class had a popular topic about the beauty contest should be held among teenagers. Some students think everyone has love beauty in common. The beauty contests provide a stage about showing beauty and admire beauty.
It is important to improve teenagers' admire beauty ability. For example , choosing the suitable clothes for impotent occasions. Other students think pay more attention on appearance is wrong. and as for senior high school students ta take part in the contests not only waste money but also waste their time.
As far as i am concerned , i think beauty contests should not be held among teenages. Because the important thing you should do now is study hard , making your dream come ture , instead of seeking appeared beauty.

Corrected essay:
In the past few days, our class had a popular topic about whether beauty contests should be held among teenagers. Some students think everyone has a love for beauty in common. The beauty contests provide a stage for showing beauty and admiring beauty.
It is important to improve teenagers' ability to admire beauty. For example, choosing suitable clothes for important occasions. Other students think paying more attention to appearance is wrong, and for senior high school students, taking part in the contests not only wastes money but also wastes their time.
As far as I am concerned, I think beauty contests should not be held among teenagers because the important thing you should do now is to study hard and make your dream come true, instead of seeking beauty of appearance.