Writing prompt: A Country Strengthens along with Its Country

Student essay:
After struggling with countless difficulties,Chinese people have obtained independence of their own countries,which is a symbol of achieving a lot in national rejuvenation and they are carrying on with the cause.
The efforts of the young generation are a necessity for the great renewal of China,as a country strengthens along with it. Without the young generation,a country cannot develop as quickly as possible.
Gaining immense glory for his country,China,Ning Zetao,a young swimmer,won four gold medals in the 17th Asian Games. What impresses us the most is his excellent performance is the 100m freestyle race,where he made a breakthrough in the Asian record.
By reading more books and participating in more social activities,we can broaden our horizon and equip our brains with knowledge.We ought to keep trying hard to improve our skills,raising us to a higher level.Only in this way can we contribute more to our country.

Corrected essay:
After struggling with countless difficulties, Chinese people have obtained independence for their own country, which is a symbol of achieving a lot in national rejuvenation and they are carrying on with the cause.
The efforts of the young generation are a necessity for the great renewal of China, as the country strengthens along with it. Without the young generation, a country cannot develop as quickly as possible.
Gaining immense glory for his country, China, Ning Zetao, a young swimmer, won four gold medals in the 17th Asian Games. What impresses us the most is his excellent performance in the 100m freestyle race, where he made a breakthrough in the Asian record.
By reading more books and participating in more social activities, we can broaden our horizons and equip our brains with knowledge. We ought to keep trying hard to improve our skills, raising us to a higher level. Only in this way can we contribute more to our country.