Writing prompt: A Trip of Happiness

Student essay:
Hello,let me make a self-introduction.My name is Lucy--an American who lives in New York.Last week,my mom took me to Beijing in order to let me feel the tradional culture of China.
In the first day,3rd November,we took a plane to there and we arrived there at 16 o' clock in the next day.Then we visited the Forbidden City.How big and beautiful it is!I was attracted deeply with the beauty.
We had stayed there for 4 days and we had visited almost the places of interest.How difficult was it for me to leave such a great city!I am looking forward to the next trip to China.I cannot miss it for ever.

Corrected essay:
Hello, let me make a self-introduction. My name is Lucy--an American who lives in New York. Last week, my mom took me to Beijing in order to let me feel the traditional culture of China.
On the first day, 3rd November, we took a plane there and we arrived there at 16 o'clock the next day. Then we visited the Forbidden City. How big and beautiful it is! I was attracted deeply by its beauty.
We stayed there for 4 days and visited almost all the places of interest. How difficult it was for me to leave such a great city! I am looking forward to the next trip to China. I cannot miss it for ever.