Writing prompt: Mobile Phones in Our Life

Student essay:
Nowadays, with the development of our society, mobile phone has become more and more vital. Meanwhile, we've had a discussion about whether we should take mobile phones to school. Our opinions are divided two part.
Some students are in favour of taking mobile phones to school. Here are the reasons. First, we can use it to connect with friends and parents. Second, we can relax ourselves by playing mobile phones after we finish our tasks.
However, the others are strongly against it. In the first place, sometimes mobile phones will disturb the classes even influence other students. What's more, if we always use it to chat and sent messages each other, not only do we waste money but also waste our valued time. In addition, some students are addicted in playing games. A few students even use mobile phones to chat in exams.
In my opinion, the fact that mobile phones have many disadvantages is no reason for abandoning it completely. We can take it to school, but playing it on the class is banned. Moreover, we should use it properly. Last but not least, mobile phones are valueable so it's up to us to take care of them.

Corrected essay:
Nowadays, with the development of our society, mobile phones have become more and more vital. Meanwhile, we've had a discussion about whether we should take mobile phones to school. Our opinions are divided into two parts.
Some students are in favour of taking mobile phones to school. Here are the reasons. First, we can use them to connect with friends and parents. Second, we can relax ourselves by playing mobile phones after we finish our tasks.
However, the others are strongly against it. In the first place, sometimes mobile phones will disturb the classes and even influence other students. What's more, if we always use them to chat and send messages to each other, not only do we waste money but also waste our valuable time. In addition, some students are addicted to playing games. A few students even use mobile phones to cheat in exams.
In my opinion, the fact that mobile phones have many disadvantages is no reason for abandoning them completely. We can take them to school, but playing them in class is banned. Moreover, we should use them properly. Last but not least, mobile phones are valuable so it's up to us to take care of them.