Writing prompt: Keep Safe at School

Student essay:
Hi,Jim,I'm glad to hear from you. I want to help you solve this problem.
In my opinion,it's important for us to keep safe at school. We spend most of time in school and study at here and we can't avoid getting hurt. Keeping safe can make us study better, so we need to know how to protect ourselves.
I have some advice about keeping safe at school. First, don't run at the passageway and be careful when we go upstairs or downstairs. Second we need to prepare enough before doing sports and make sure that there is no dangerous around us. Third, listen to the teachers carefully and do the dangerous act with teachers protection. Fourth When we do the sports, put safely at first. Don't get hurt to win the games. Then, don't forget to turn off the lights and computer before we leave the classrooms. Last but not least, know some knowledge about keeping safe. It will help us in critical times.
If we follow these advice, our school life will be happier.

Corrected essay:
Hi, Jim, I'm glad to hear from you. I want to help you solve this problem.
In my opinion, it's important for us to keep safe at school. We spend most of our time in school and study here and we can't avoid getting hurt. Keeping safe can make us study better, so we need to know how to protect ourselves.
I have some advice about keeping safe at school. First, don't run in the passageway and be careful when we go upstairs or downstairs. Second we need to prepare enough before doing sports and make sure that there is no danger around us. Third, listen to the teachers carefully and do the dangerous acts with teachers' protection. Fourth when we do sports, put safety first. Don't get hurt to win the games. Then, don't forget to turn off the lights and computer before we leave the classrooms. Last but not least, know some knowledge about keeping safe. It will help us in critical times.
If we follow these pieces of advice, our school life will be happier.