Writing prompt: After-School Activities

Student essay:
Lots of students as well as me take part in them.But some students say that we should not take part in them because it is a waste of time.But I do not think so.For instance,I take part in after-school exercise.I used to be very weak and unfit.Since I take part in it I have been more and more healthy.I have got strength and power via the activities.Thanks to it, I am not afraid of running any more.As you can see,after-school activities offer us a chance to improve ourselves.Through them,we are able to change ourselves into a new person who is far better than we used to be.
But on the other hand,we should choose activities which are really good for us.First of all,we should know what we exactly want and avoid spending too much time on useless things.Secondly,we are supposed to share our ideas with others.
I wish everyone to not only enjoy theirselves but also get knowledge.

Corrected essay:
Lots of students, as well as me, take part in them. But some students say that we should not take part in them because it is a waste of time. But I do not think so. For instance, I take part in after-school exercise. I used to be very weak and unfit. Since I take part in it, I have been more and more healthy. I have got strength and power via the activities. Thanks to it, I am not afraid of running anymore. As you can see, after-school activities offer us a chance to improve ourselves. Through them, we are able to change ourselves into a new person who is far better than we used to be.
But on the other hand, we should choose activities which are really good for us. First of all, we should know what we exactly want and avoid spending too much time on useless things. Secondly, we are supposed to share our ideas with others.
I wish everyone to not only enjoy themselves but also gain knowledge.