Writing prompt: My Spring Festival

Student essay:
Not long ago,Spring Festival,on which we get together and have a good time,arrived in everybody's expectations.
As known to us all,Spring Festival plays the most important part in Chinese festival culture.It's the time for people who are away from home to come back to their parents,as well as the time for people who have been in the state of tension to relax themselves.
As a traditional Chinese festival,Spring Festival stands for the long history of our culture,which our Chinese are always proud of.The following descriptions are about my Spring Festival.
In order to make the last day of this year perfect,the CCTV perform a celebration for the Chinese people all around the world.As for me,it's the best time of a year during the performances,because the TV can not only make us laugh,but also give a chance for everybody to take their mind off their problems that have troubled them a lot in the past year.How a meaningful day that New Year's Eve is!
Shooting off fireworks is such a beautiful activity that everybody is want to set off one with his own hands.It is such an inspiring sight that all the pedestrian,both the old and the young,can't stop raising their heads to watch for a while,
It is so amazing that it leaves everyone feeling intoxicated.
As the beginning of the completely new year,Lunar New Year's Day is the the most appropriate time for the relatives who have been long time no see to call on each other.Being polite to my aunt and uncle,I say"Happy New Year and wish your daughter good grades."so as to please them,as a result of this,I'm likely to get a 'hongbao' to gain good luck.
After being on a visit to the relations,we come back to our warm house,dreaming about the new year.
We ring out the Old Year and ring in the New Year!

Corrected essay:
Not long ago, Spring Festival, on which we get together and have a good time, arrived to everybody's expectations.
As known to us all, the Spring Festival plays the most important part in Chinese festival culture. It's the time for people who are away from home to come back to their parents, as well as the time for people who have been in a state of tension to relax.
As a traditional Chinese festival, Spring Festival stands for the long history of our culture, which we Chinese are always proud of. The following descriptions are about my Spring Festival.
In order to make the last day of this year perfect, the CCTV performs a celebration for the Chinese people all around the world. As for me, it's the best time of a year during the performances, because the TV can not only make us laugh, but also give a chance for everybody to take their mind off their problems that have troubled them a lot in the past year. What a meaningful day New Year's Eve is!
Shooting off fireworks is such a beautiful activity that everybody wants to set off one with their own hands. It is such an inspiring sight that all the pedestrians, both the old and the young, can't stop raising their heads to watch for a while.
It is so amazing that it leaves everyone feeling intoxicated.
As the beginning of the completely new year, Lunar New Year's Day is the most appropriate time for the relatives who have not seen each other for a long time to call on each other. Being polite to my aunt and uncle, I say, "Happy New Year and wish your daughter good grades," so as to please them. As a result of this, I'm likely to get a 'hongbao' to gain good luck.
After visiting the relatives, we come back to our warm house, dreaming about the new year.
We ring out the Old Year and ring in the New Year!