Writing prompt: Can We Bring Mobile Phone to School?

Student essay:
Dear editor
Nowadays the phenomenon that students take phones to school has aroused wild concern.I'm writting to tell you my attitude toward whether students should take phones to school.
At first,there are some advantages.Studets can make use of phones to stay in touch with their family wherever they are.Besides,the phone is a way to have fun.
However,there's no doubt that using phones in class can disturb teachers and have bad efforts on other students.From another perspective,it's a waste of money or time to chat and send messages by phones.What's worse,the phones take up too much attention of students that they can't help playing games in class and cheating in exams which does extremly harm to students.
As far as I'm concerned,as a student,I take it for granted that we should be focused on study instead of playing in class or cheating in exams.Also,expensive as the phones are,they should be kept in proper place.
Yours Faithly.
WangTao.

Corrected essay:
Dear editor,
Nowadays, the phenomenon that students take phones to school has aroused wide concern. I'm writing to tell you my attitude toward whether students should take phones to school.
At first, there are some advantages. Students can make use of phones to stay in touch with their family wherever they are. Besides, the phone is a way to have fun.
However, there's no doubt that using phones in class can disturb teachers and have bad effects on other students. From another perspective, it's a waste of money or time to chat and send messages by phones. What's worse, the phones take up so much attention of students that they can't help playing games in class and cheating in exams which does extreme harm to students.
As far as I'm concerned, as a student, I take it for granted that we should be focused on study instead of playing in class or cheating in exams. Also, as the phones are expensive, they should be kept in a proper place.
Yours faithfully,
Wang Tao.