Writing prompt: Madam C. J. Walker

Student essay:
Madam C. J. Walker, who was a wise woman once made a big success in business.
One day, she saw a lot of hair on her comb and suddenly realized that she was seriously losing her hair! She was so worried that she tried many medicines but all of them didn't work.
Madam Walker was lying in bed when she thought about her hair. She suddenly remembered that her uncle showed her some special plants which could be used for medicine. So she began to try them instead of medicines. She tried and tried and made it at the end. She happily found that her hair grew faster as she used the plants for medicine. An idea soon came into her mind. She made the plants into products and sold them in a low price. The products which were so good that many women liked to use them.
However, in a special way, Madam C. J. Walker was successful because of her intelligence.

Corrected essay:
Madam C. J. Walker, who was a wise woman once made a big success in business.
One day, she saw a lot of hair on her comb and suddenly realized that she was seriously losing her hair! She was so worried that she tried many medicines but none of them worked.
Madam Walker was lying in bed when she thought about her hair. She suddenly remembered that her uncle had shown her some special plants which could be used for medicine. So she began to try them instead of medicines. She tried and tried and made it in the end. She happily found that her hair grew faster as she used the plants for medicine. An idea soon came into her mind. She made the plants into products and sold them at a low price. The products were so good that many women liked to use them.
However, in a special way, Madam C. J. Walker was successful because of her intelligence.