Writing prompt: A Memorable Day

Student essay:
In my opinion, junior high school graduation ceremony is memorable.
On June 21, 2013, we gathered in the hall to say goodbye to our old classmates. At the beginning of the ceremony, we watched a video about our life during junior high. We laughed and cried after watching it because it was our memory of time that we spent with each other. After that, our teacher gave us encouragement to make us do our best in the exams. We were very moved so that we decided to try our best! Then, the headmaster gave everybody the certificate of junior high school, and we all thanked and hugged her. We thought she was a perfect headmaster. At last, we gave flowers to our teachers who accompanied us 5 years because we thought they were just like our friends and helped us so much.
I think the junior high school graduation ceremony is memorable because it made all of my classmates in junior high moved. And it was a symbol of the end of our life in junior high school. We will remember the ceremony forever!

Corrected essay:
In my opinion, the junior high school graduation ceremony is memorable.
On June 21, 2013, we gathered in the hall to say goodbye to our old classmates. At the beginning of the ceremony, we watched a video about our life during junior high. We laughed and cried after watching it because it was our memory of the time that we spent with each other. After that, our teacher gave us encouragement to make us do our best in the exams. We were very moved so we decided to try our best! Then, the headmaster gave everybody the certificate of junior high school, and we all thanked and hugged her. We thought she was a perfect headmaster. At last, we gave flowers to our teachers who accompanied us for 5 years because we thought they were just like our friends and helped us so much.
I think the junior high school graduation ceremony is memorable because it made all of my classmates in junior high moved. And it was a symbol of the end of our life in junior high school. We will remember the ceremony forever!