Writing prompt: The Early Bird Catches the Worm

Student essay:
As the popular saying goes, "The early bird catches the worm." ,being diligent is the duty of those who want to realize their life goals.
Students as we are, we should be aware that study is a difficult and long-term program so that we must be diligent. For example, if you are eager to possess the skill of speaking English, you need to spend much time in reading after the record and accumulating vocabulary.
For a white collar, success or fail in his work would depend, to a great degree, on whether you are diligent enough or not. It is no use trying to find a short cut to success.
To sum up, please bear this in mind that "diligent makes success be within your arm.

Corrected essay:
As the popular saying goes, "The early bird catches the worm." Being diligent is the duty of those who want to realize their life goals.
Students as we are, we should be aware that study is a difficult and long-term program, so we must be diligent. For example, if you are eager to possess the skill of speaking English, you need to spend much time reading after the record and accumulating vocabulary.
For a white-collar worker, success or failure in their work would depend, to a great degree, on whether they are diligent enough or not. It is no use trying to find a shortcut to success.
To sum up, please bear this in mind: "Diligence makes success be within your arm's reach."