Writing prompt: An Analysis of Student Birthday Spending and Reasonable Suggestions

Student essay:
Last week,I did a survey among 120 students on their birthday expenses in my school.
According to the result of the survey,there are about twelve students spend less than 100 yuan in birthday.55 percent students ask their parents for 100 to 200 yuan for their birthday.200 to 300 yuan is cost by one fifth students.The percentage of students who are provided with over 300 yuan for a birthday is about fifteen.
In my opinion,I think it's normal that students spend no more than 200 yuan for their birthday.I find out following reasons for why a few students need so much money for birthday.First of all,they are likely to blindly compete with others.They want to show off they are richer than their classmates and they think they are cool.As for their parents,it's possible that they spoil their children.They love children so much that they are in a wrong method of loving them.
I'd like to give some advice.Students should get along well with classmates and stop blindly competing with them.Parents had better not spoil their children any longer and love them properly.If they can do all above,the birthday expenses will be reduced.

Corrected essay:
Last week, I did a survey among 120 students on their birthday expenses in my school.
According to the result of the survey, there are about twelve students who spend less than 100 yuan on their birthday. Fifty-five percent of students ask their parents for 100 to 200 yuan for their birthday. Two hundred to 300 yuan is spent by one fifth of the students. The percentage of students who are provided with over 300 yuan for a birthday is about fifteen.
In my opinion, I think it's normal that students spend no more than 200 yuan on their birthday. I find out the following reasons why a few students need so much money for their birthday. First of all, they are likely to blindly compete with others. They want to show off they are richer than their classmates and they think they are cool. As for their parents, it's possible that they spoil their children. They love their children so much that they use a wrong method of loving them.
I'd like to give some advice. Students should get along well with classmates and stop blindly competing with them. Parents had better not spoil their children any longer and love them properly. If they can do all the above, the birthday expenses will be reduced.