Writing prompt: Should High School Students Get Online Frequently?

Student essay:
Recently I've carried out a survey on whether high school students should get online and my classmates hold different opinions on it.Some student agreed getting online frequently.They thought that
getting online could learn so much ,broaden one's horizons as well as chat and share with others.And they said it was relaxed for people to get online.
But some students were against to get online frequently.They thought that it was bad for our eyes.And it took too much time and energetic to fall in chatting and playing computer games.
In my opinion we should spend correct time on getting online.And we shouldn't depend too much on computer.

Corrected essay:
Recently, I've carried out a survey on whether high school students should get online and my classmates hold different opinions on it. Some students agreed with getting online frequently. They thought that getting online could learn so much, broaden one's horizons as well as chat and share with others. And they said it was relaxing for people to get online.
But some students were against getting online frequently. They thought that it was bad for our eyes. And it took too much time and energy to fall into chatting and playing computer games.
In my opinion, we should spend proper time on getting online. And we shouldn't depend too much on computers.