Writing prompt: How to Achieve Calmness

Student essay:
I once heard a story: an elephant was completely absorbed in eating while a fly constantly disturbed the elephant because it can't stay for a while in one place. The fly was so curious about how the elephant can stay calm and still that it asked the elephant about the secret to the calmness and the elephant tell the fly that the secret is just controlling the attention.
But how to control our attention? It's quite difficult to answer because calmness is an abstract word. We can't point to something and say 'Hey, this is calmness! '
I suppose that, 'a goal' is necessary to achieve calmness. If you have a goal in your mind, you will concentrate on reaching the goal, and the goal will have a subtle influence on you. Gradually you manage to get calmness.
Calmness is much important for us. On Thursday, we had a maths quiz. And during the quiz, my deskmate continuously disturbed me, I felt so annoyed that I can't focus. As a result, I failed the quiz.
So in the following days, I determined to concentrate on the study without any other thoughts. And achieve high grades in the next examination.

Corrected essay:
I once heard a story: an elephant was completely absorbed in eating while a fly constantly disturbed the elephant because it couldn't stay for a while in one place. The fly was so curious about how the elephant could stay calm and still that it asked the elephant about the secret to calmness and the elephant told the fly that the secret was just controlling the attention.
But how to control our attention? It's quite difficult to answer because calmness is an abstract word. We can't point to something and say 'Hey, this is calmness!'
I suppose that 'a goal' is necessary to achieve calmness. If you have a goal in your mind, you will concentrate on reaching the goal, and the goal will have a subtle influence on you. Gradually you manage to get calmness. Calmness is very important for us. On Thursday, we had a maths quiz. And during the quiz, my deskmate continuously disturbed me. I felt so annoyed that I couldn't focus. As a result, I failed the quiz.
So in the following days, I determined to concentrate on studying without any other thoughts and achieve high grades in the next examination.