Writing prompt: Sweeping Snow

Student essay:
When I got up, I pulled the curtain and I found the world in my eyes becomes white. I fell in love with the white scenery. So I wanted to wait for the snow stop. And took photos to leave the beautiful snow.
The snow stopped, so I brought my camera and wore my scarf out of the door. After I went alone the road, I saw a man fall down on the snowfield. So I decided to go home to clean the road. Then I took a broom to clean, so that they couldn't fall down on the snowfield, after my parents came back. They praised me. I was really happy to do some good!

Corrected essay:
When I got up, I pulled the curtain and found the world in my eyes became white. I fell in love with the white scenery. So I wanted to wait for the snow to stop and take photos to capture the beautiful snow.
The snow stopped, so I brought my camera and wore my scarf out of the door. After I went along the road, I saw a man fall down on the snowfield. So I decided to go home to clean the road. Then I took a broom to clean, so that he wouldn't fall down on the snowfield. After my parents came back, they praised me. I was really happy to do something good!