Writing prompt: To Build an Art Museum

Student essay:
Dear Sir
I'm L. I write this letter to you to suggest building an art museum. Now, I'll tell the reason why I do that.
These years,people in Jinhua has poor cultural life. So I think it's necessary to build a new museum to cultivate our mind.
In order to build a wonderful museum, I'd like to give my suggestions. Firstly,we can name the museum.A beautiful name can interest people to enjoy the works of art there.Secondly, we should give a theme to the museum, classical or modern. Different themes should display different works. And every state has their own culture, it would be great if the museum can cover different civilizations from many parts of the world. The most important is that the conditions there should be fine.
That's my ideas about the plan. I hope J has rich and varied cultural life.
L

Corrected essay:
Dear Sir,
I'm L. I am writing this letter to you to suggest building an art museum. Now, I'll tell you the reason why I am doing that.
These years, people in Jinhua have had a poor cultural life. So I think it's necessary to build a new museum to cultivate our minds.
In order to build a wonderful museum, I'd like to give my suggestions. Firstly, we can name the museum. A beautiful name can interest people in enjoying the works of art there. Secondly, we should give a theme to the museum, classical or modern. Different themes should display different works. And every state has its own culture. It would be great if the museum could cover different civilizations from many parts of the world. The most important is that the conditions there should be fine.
That's my idea about the plan. I hope Jinhua has a rich and varied cultural life.