Writing prompt: My Ideal Career

Student essay:
For a long time I was dreaming of becoming a detective because I loved reading detective story. But as I grow up, I have found something else which fascinates me. It is politics.
We live in the world in peace(at least in most places). Instead of the King, the politicians became those who have the ability to change the world directly. And it is the exact ideal job for me.
When I was very young, I didn't like politic and thought it useless. My opinion was that people should attach importance to individuality rather than a whole country. However, now I have realized how important and necessary politic is. What a country's politics look like can affect the lives of citizens. Culture may root in our minds, but we have to do what the modern society needs us to do. This is a world of law and order, and politicians make the rules.
Everyone has an ideal career. Although most people can not achieve it, they keep it in heart all the time. I'll spare no effort to achieve my ideal career, even if the road is full of frustration and difficulties.

Corrected essay:
For a long time, I was dreaming of becoming a detective because I loved reading detective stories. But as I grow up, I have found something else that fascinates me. It is politics.
We live in a world in peace (at least in most places). Instead of the King, the politicians became those who have the ability to change the world directly. And it is the exact ideal job for me.
When I was very young, I didn't like politics and thought it useless. My opinion was that people should attach importance to individuality rather than a whole country. However, now I have realized how important and necessary politics is. What a country's politics look like can affect the lives of citizens. Culture may be rooted in our minds, but we have to do what modern society needs us to do. This is a world of law and order, and politicians make the rules.
Everyone has an ideal career. Although most people cannot achieve it, they keep it in their hearts all the time. I'll spare no effort to achieve my ideal career, even if the road is full of frustration and difficulties.