Writing prompt: Should High School Students Get Online Frequently?

Student essay:
A majority of students think that get online is good for us.In their views,there are 3 points contributing to this attitude as follows:in the first place,they think that they can get more knowledge and broaden their horizons by using the Internet. In the second place,they can communicate with their friends and share something they interest online.Furthermore,they enjoy and relax themselves online.So it goes without saying that high school students get online frequently is good.
But one coin has two sides,some students hold nagtive attitude to this opinion.Firstly,it is harmful to our eyes if we keep watching the screen for long time.Secondly, we will focus on chatting or playing games occassionly.Finally, it naturely wastes our time and energy by getting online.
In my opinion, it is very important to access information online, but we should not pay too much attention on it. Making good use of Internet helps us in many ways but we must arrange our time well.

Corrected essay:
A majority of students think that getting online is good for us. In their views, there are 3 points contributing to this attitude as follows: In the first place, they think that they can get more knowledge and broaden their horizons by using the Internet. In the second place, they can communicate with their friends and share something they are interested in online. Furthermore, they enjoy and relax themselves online. So it goes without saying that high school students getting online frequently is good.
But one coin has two sides. Some students hold a negative attitude to this opinion. Firstly, it is harmful to our eyes if we keep watching the screen for a long time. Secondly, we will focus on chatting or playing games occasionally. Finally, it naturally wastes our time and energy by getting online.
In my opinion, it is very important to access information online, but we should not pay too much attention to it. Making good use of the Internet helps us in many ways but we must arrange our time well.