Writing prompt: How Can We Build Up a Harmonious Family?

Student essay:
A harmonious family should be full of warmth, love and laughter. We should love and show concern for each other. They also respect and understand each other. The children who live in a harmonious family will be optimistic. The parents who live in a harmonious family will be healthy and happy.
Because a harmonious family plays a very important role in our life, it is up to every family member to contribute to the building of such a family. First, parents should be a role model for their children. They should pay more attention to their words and behavior. Then, they need to believe their children and often communicate with them.
As children of the family, we should also respect and understand our parents, and try to share their burdens. If we do so, our home will always be harmonious.

Corrected essay:
A harmonious family should be full of warmth, love, and laughter. We should love and show concern for each other. We should also respect and understand each other. The children who live in a harmonious family will be optimistic. The parents who live in a harmonious family will be healthy and happy.
Because a harmonious family plays a very important role in our life, it is up to every family member to contribute to the building of such a family. First, parents should be a role model for their children. They should pay more attention to their words and behavior. Then, they need to believe their children and often communicate with them.
As children of the family, we should also respect and understand our parents, and try to share their burdens. If we do so, our home will always be harmonious.