Writing prompt: Job Wanted

Student essay:
221B Baker Street
2015 10 5
Dear Sir or Madam,
I 'm so interested in your advertisements in the model.Being a model is a dream that I have always had. I am a 16-year-old student. I have lots of time and would be able to work over the summer. I like sports and I run thirty minutes every day to keep a good fitness.So I have a slender figure.
I think I have some experience about being a model.Because I took part in a couple of competitions and learned more about that.
Of course I also wanna make some extra money and make some friends during the summer. I would be very pleased if you can give me a good chance to get some good shots.
I look forward to hearing from you.

Corrected essay:
221B Baker Street
2015-10-5
Dear Sir or Madam,
I'm so interested in your advertisement for a model. Being a model is a dream that I have always had. I am a 16-year-old student. I have lots of time and would be able to work over the summer. I like sports and I run thirty minutes every day to keep good fitness. So I have a slender figure.
I think I have some experience in being a model because I took part in a couple of competitions and learned more about that.
Of course I also wanna make some extra money and make some friends during the summer. I would be very pleased if you could give me a good chance to get some good shots.
I look forward to hearing from you.