Writing prompt: The Medical Difference between China and America

Student essay:
As is known to all, different living condition would lead to different culture and opinion. And the differences enlarge with the space widening. Take the differences between China and America as examples. If one has a fever, in China, people tend to add more quilt to cover the patient and wait for the sweat. On the contrary, Americans are apt to use no quilt and even use ice cubes to cool the body of the fever people. This phenomenon can trace back to the different medical opinions. People in China are famous for traditional Chinese medicine, while Americans are more likely to prefer to the western medicine. The balance between Yin and Yang in traditional Chinese medicine is of vital importance. Chinese people believe that if one gets ill, it must be imbalanced in the inner body and what we should do is to use some mild herb to restore the balance inside the body. However American people, or to be more accurate, western medicine is goal-oriented with lots of side-effects. We cannot judge which opinion on medicine or illness is correct and scientific, for both of them are the fruit of long-term accumulation.

Corrected essay:
As is known to all, different living conditions would lead to different cultures and opinions. And the differences enlarge with the space widening. Take the differences between China and America as examples. If one has a fever, in China, people tend to add more quilts to cover the patient and wait for the sweat. On the contrary, Americans are apt to use no quilt and even use ice cubes to cool the body of the fevered person. This phenomenon can be traced back to the different medical opinions. People in China are famous for traditional Chinese medicine, while Americans are more likely to prefer western medicine. The balance between Yin and Yang in traditional Chinese medicine is of vital importance. Chinese people believe that if one gets ill, it must be due to an imbalance in the inner body, and what we should do is to use some mild herbs to restore the balance inside the body. However, American people, or to be more accurate, western medicine, is goal-oriented with lots of side-effects. We cannot judge which opinion on medicine or illness is correct and scientific, for both of them are the fruit of long-term accumulation.