Writing prompt: An Unforgettable Thing during Winter Holiday

Student essay:
This winter,I went to Shenyang for Spring Festival and I enjoyed myself there.During my holiday,I met the snow in northeast China.The snow is so heavy and beautiful that I have never seen in tianjin.
My mother and I took my cousin who lived in Shenyang to the park.The snow is quiet cleaner than i have ever seen because of fresher air.The pretty trees were green-and-white,the river was covered with thick ice.We played with snow happily,such as making snowman and had a snowball fight.We spent the hole morning in the park and took lots of photos.We looked at each other and laughed,for us looked like snowmans which we made.I love my hometown
what a great treavle!I think this is the most unforgettable thing during my winter holiday.

Corrected essay:
This winter, I went to Shenyang for the Spring Festival and I enjoyed myself there. During my holiday, I saw the snow in northeast China. The snow was so heavy and beautiful that I had never seen anything like it in Tianjin.
My mother and I took my cousin who lived in Shenyang to the park. The snow was quite cleaner than I had ever seen because of the fresher air. The pretty trees were green-and-white. The river was covered with thick ice. We played with the snow happily, such as making a snowman and having a snowball fight. We spent the whole morning in the park and took lots of photos. We looked at each other and laughed, for we looked like the snowmen which we had made. I love my hometown.
What a great travel! I think this is the most unforgettable thing during my winter holiday.