Writing prompt: Spring Festival

Student essay:
Dear John
Now, I hope you have some idea of the Chinese Spring Festival.I would like to tell you something more about it.
The Spring Festival is a Chinese traditional festival,which is the most important and enjoyable one. A few days before the festival, houses are cleaned and red couplets are put up to decorate the doors of every household. They are said to frighten away the ghosts. On that day, people are dressed up. Firecrackers ring out in the air, which adds to the atmosphere of the festival. Presents and dinners provides a channel through which we can celebrate the happy reunion of friends and relatives.We have traditional food called jiaozi and enjoy the New Year TV show. Customs may vary from place to place, but the same happy atmosphere is to be found everywhere in the country.
Now, I hope you have some idea of Chinese Spring Festival.
Best wishes,
Yours,
Li Jing

Corrected essay:
Dear John,
Now, I hope you have some idea of the Chinese Spring Festival. I would like to tell you something more about it.
The Spring Festival is a Chinese traditional festival, which is the most important and enjoyable one. A few days before the festival, houses are cleaned and red couplets are put up to decorate the doors of every household. They are said to frighten away the ghosts. On that day, people are dressed up. Firecrackers ring out in the air, which adds to the atmosphere of the festival. Presents and dinners provide a channel through which we can celebrate the happy reunion of friends and relatives. We have traditional food called jiaozi and enjoy the New Year TV show. Customs may vary from place to place, but the same happy atmosphere is to be found everywhere in the country.
Now, I hope you have some idea of the Chinese Spring Festival.
Best wishes,
Yours,
Li Jing