Writing prompt: Should We Keep Animals in Zoos?

Student essay:
In my opinion, we should keep animals in zoos.
First of all, people can visit different kinds of animals in zoos. And they can learn a lot from them, so they will know how to protect them better.
Besides, they can be looked after better in the zoos. There are a number of workers who give a good environment for them to live in in the zoos. They will take good care of the animals in order to make them better if they are ill. Nobody will do so if they live in the wild. That's why the animals in the zoos live longer than the animals in the wild.
Above all, it's necessary for us to protect the animals. We should try our best to give them a wonderful life instead of kill them for money.

Corrected essay:
In my opinion, we should keep animals in zoos.
First of all, people can visit different kinds of animals in zoos. And they can learn a lot from them, so they will know how to protect them better.
Besides, they can be looked after better in the zoos. There are a number of workers who give a good environment for them to live in in the zoos. They will take good care of the animals in order to make them better if they are ill. Nobody will do so if they live in the wild. That's why the animals in the zoos live longer than the animals in the wild.
Above all, it's necessary for us to protect the animals. We should try our best to give them a wonderful life instead of killing them for money.