Writing prompt: My Dream

Student essay:
Everyone has his most beautiful dream.My dream is to be a movie star.
When I grow up,I want to be a singer,because I like music very much.I like the sound of piano as water.I love guitar dynamic melody.I can sing and dance,too.I think it's very interesting and fine.So I hope I can be engaged in the work of music.
When I grow up,I want to be an actress.I hope I can meet my idol and play with them,and I like showing very much.
I will try my best to practice singing,and learn how to show.I believe that one day,I can realize my dream.Hard for dreams,come on!

Corrected essay:
Everyone has his most beautiful dream. My dream is to be a movie star.
When I grow up, I want to be a singer, because I like music very much. I like the sound of the piano as it is like water. I love the guitar's dynamic melody. I can sing and dance, too. I think it's very interesting and fine. So I hope I can be engaged in the work of music.
When I grow up, I want to be an actress. I hope I can meet my idols and play with them. And I like shows very much.
I will try my best to practice singing, and learn how to show. I believe that one day, I can realize my dream. Hard for dreams, come on!