Writing prompt: High School Students Should Not Bring Telephones to School

Student essay:
We had a discussion about whether students should be allowed to take mobile phones. Opinions are divided on this issue.
40% of us think it necessary to take mobile phones with them, saying that it is convenient to contact with their relationships and friends by mobile phones. Besides, they can research information online through mobile phones. What's more, they can save useful information by phones. And they think but for phones, they wouldn't do more things in less time.
60% of us, however, are against the idea. Because the radiation of mobile phones does harm to students' health. Moreover, the ring tone will make sound which is no benefit to their studies even to other students. In addition, there are a variety of mobile phones. It is the price that make students compare their phones with others'. In conclusion, they said, "If I were you, I wouldn't take a mobile phone with me."
For my perspective, I am favor of the students who are against the idea. For our health as well as our studies, we shouldn't take mobile phones with us everytime.

Corrected essay:
We had a discussion about whether students should be allowed to take mobile phones. Opinions are divided on this issue.
40% of us think it necessary to take mobile phones with them, saying that it is convenient to contact their relatives and friends by mobile phones. Besides, they can research information online through mobile phones. What's more, they can save useful information by phones. And they think but for phones, they wouldn't do more things in less time.
60% of us, however, are against the idea. Because the radiation of mobile phones does harm to students' health. Moreover, the ring tone will make a sound which is not beneficial to their studies and even to other students. In addition, there are a variety of mobile phones. It is the price that makes students compare their phones with others'. In conclusion, they said, "If I were you, I wouldn't take a mobile phone with me."
From my perspective, I am in favor of the students who are against the idea. For our health as well as our studies, we shouldn't take mobile phones with us everytime.