Writing prompt: Whether Middle School Students Can Bring Mobile Phones to School

Student essay:
I am W. Hearing about your topic whether middle school students can bring mobile phones to school, I want to say something about it.
First of all, there are two benefits for students to bring mobile phones to school. One is that students can contact parents or friends easily. Secondly, it can bring fun to the students.
Although the mobile phones can do those two things, it also has many problems. Some students use mobile phones on class, it can interfere with the teaching. In addition, it influences other students study. Not only wasting time but also wasting money it is when the students use mobile phones to chat or text. Or some students play games even cheat. It is too bad for their studying.
So, I suggest that we shouldn't use it on class and play games even cheat. And it is expensive, so we should keep it safely. That is all I want to say.
Yours,
W

Corrected essay:
I am W. Hearing about your topic on whether middle school students can bring mobile phones to school, I want to say something about it.
First of all, there are two benefits for students to bring mobile phones to school. One is that students can contact parents or friends easily. Secondly, it can bring fun to the students.
Although mobile phones can do those two things, they also have many problems. Some students use mobile phones in class, which can interfere with the teaching. In addition, it influences other students' studies. Not only is it a waste of time but also a waste of money when students use mobile phones to chat or text. Some students even play games or cheat, which is too bad for their studying.
So, I suggest that we shouldn't use them in class, play games, or even cheat. And since it is expensive, we should keep it safe. That is all I want to say.
Yours,
W