Writing prompt: My Grandma

Student essay:
When I was a little girl, my parents found it difficult to cope with childcare and work at the same time. Therefore, my grandma began to take an active part in bringing me up. She delivered care, protection and education that person needs most in childhood. As a matter of fact, it is beneficial not only for me and my parents, but also for grandma herself.
Grandma's involvement in childcare meant I had an additional source of love and care. On my birthday, I always receive another "mystery present" from my grandma such as a new pretty sweater she wove. And whenever I have done something wrong and was punished by my father and mother, I can turn to my dearest grandma for comfort.
Grand-parenting can also ease my parents burden. When grandma gave me a night off by baby sitting, she gave the busy couple a much-needed break from the daily stress of full-time work and parenting. "Your grandma also gave useful advice to us, " mom said, "from how to change diapers to the best way to save for your college education. "
Grandma herself may also benefit a lot. It is tremendous fun for her to watch my eyes sparkle as she talking about interesting stories in family history, or what my mother was like when she was my age. She feels the life more fulfilling when she took part in my education, such as bringing me to swim, to read or to dance.
It is definitely the right approach that my grandma and parents both are involved in raising me, as I get more love, my parents were relieved from heavy workloads, and grandma found life more meaningful.

Corrected essay:
When I was a little girl, my parents found it difficult to cope with childcare and work at the same time. Therefore, my grandma began to take an active part in bringing me up. She delivered care, protection and education that a person needs most in childhood. As a matter of fact, it was beneficial not only for me and my parents, but also for grandma herself.
Grandma's involvement in childcare meant I had an additional source of love and care. On my birthday, I always received another "mystery present" from my grandma such as a new pretty sweater she wove. And whenever I had done something wrong and was punished by my father and mother, I could turn to my dearest grandma for comfort.
Grandparenting can also ease my parents' burden. When grandma gave them a night off by babysitting, she gave the busy couple a much-needed break from the daily stress of full-time work and parenting. "Your grandma also gave useful advice to us," Mom said, "from how to change diapers to the best way to save for your college education."
Grandma herself may also benefit a lot. It was tremendous fun for her to watch my eyes sparkle as she talked about interesting stories in family history, or what my mother was like when she was my age. She felt life more fulfilling when she took part in my education, such as bringing me to swim, to read, or to dance.
It was definitely the right approach that my grandma and parents both were involved in raising me, as I got more love, my parents were relieved from heavy workloads, and grandma found life more meaningful.