Writing prompt: After-School Activities

Student essay:
Nowdays,after-school activities are becoming more and more popular in high schools.
In our school,there are various kinds of sports and cultural study clubs that students may join.Students are free to choose the clubs they are particularly interested in.For example,I like dance very much,so I take part in the dance club.Over there I can build my body and free myself from the heavy work of study.And at the same time I can also make some new friends who have the same interest with me.In addition,I join the English corner.We always watch some interesting English movies together in the free time.Thanks to that,I improve my hearing English and get better grades in the English exams.
Here I have some suggestions about how to choose the activites.First,you'd better choose the activities which interest you and suit you.Second,make sure that you can really benefit a lot from that.
Let's enjoy after-school activities and our life will be more colourful and wonderful.

Corrected essay:
Nowadays, after-school activities are becoming more and more popular in high schools.
In our school, there are various kinds of sports and cultural study clubs that students may join. Students are free to choose the clubs they are particularly interested in. For example, I like dancing very much, so I take part in the dance club. Over there I can build my body and free myself from the heavy work of study. And at the same time, I can also make some new friends who have the same interests as me. In addition, I join the English corner. We always watch some interesting English movies together in our free time. Thanks to that, I improve my English listening skills and get better grades in the English exams.
Here I have some suggestions about how to choose the activities. First, you'd better choose the activities which interest you and suit you. Second, make sure that you can really benefit a lot from them.
Let's enjoy after-school activities and our life will be more colourful and wonderful.