Writing prompt: Cleaned the Snow

Student essay:
This morning, I stood by the window with two cups of tea. It was snowing. The sky was gray and the whole world became white. It was so beautiful view that I decided to record the beautiful view with camera when the snow stopped.
I took my camera and went out after the snow stopped. I walked on the ground and left a string of foot prints. Suddenly iI saw a boy fell down because of the slippery ground. I walked quickly and helped him.
Then I decided to bring the whisk broom and cleaned the snow, so that nobody would fall down because of the slippery ground. After my hard work, a way appeared.
At that time a couple who had bought some foods and went back. They went by the way and saw me carrying the whisk broom. They knew the way was cleaned by me, so they praised me. I felt very happy and gave them a smile.

Corrected essay:
This morning, I stood by the window with two cups of tea. It was snowing. The sky was gray and the whole world became white. It was such a beautiful view that I decided to record it with a camera when the snow stopped.
I took my camera and went out after the snow stopped. I walked on the ground and left a string of footprints. Suddenly, I saw a boy fall down because of the slippery ground. I walked quickly and helped him.
Then I decided to bring the whisk broom and clean the snow, so that nobody would fall down because of the slippery ground. After my hard work, a path appeared.
At that time, a couple who had bought some food went back. They went by the path and saw me carrying the whisk broom. They knew the path was cleaned by me, so they praised me. I felt very happy and gave them a smile.