Writing prompt: An Unforgettable Thing during Winter Holiday

Student essay:
This winter holiday,I went to Beijing with my parents by train.It's interesting to enjoy the scenery through the windows on the train.When we arrived at the southern train station,it was 9:00 am.We took the underground to Nanluo Guxiang.Luckily,the subway of Beijing wasn't very crowded on that day.Soon,we reached there.Nanluo Guxiang is about 800 metres in length.There are various kinds of delicious food,such as French fries,fried chicken,cheese,Beijing tradition noodles and all sorts of manual
candy.How tasty they are!In the afternoon,we still went to Yuanming Yuan by underground.After twenty minutes,we got to the gate of Yuanming Yuan.We bought three tickts,and entered the "big garden".It's really large!There are three parts in it:Changchun Yuan,Wanchun Yuan and Qichun Yuan.In fact,Qinghua Yuan is also part of Yuanming Yuan.We went for a walk in it and we've felt traditional culture of Beijing.In the evening,we went back to Tianjin by train.We all had a good day !

Corrected essay:
This winter holiday, I went to Beijing with my parents by train. It was interesting to enjoy the scenery through the windows on the train. When we arrived at the Beijing South Railway Station, it was 9:00 am. We took the underground to Nanluogu Lane. Luckily, the subway of Beijing wasn't very crowded on that day. Soon, we reached there. Nanluogu Lane is about 800 metres in length. There are various kinds of delicious food, such as French fries, fried chicken, cheese, Beijing traditional noodles and all sorts of manual candy. How tasty they are! In the afternoon, we also went to the Old Summer Palace by underground. After twenty minutes, we got to the gate of the Old Summer Palace. We bought three tickets and entered the "big garden." It's really large! There are three parts in it: the Garden of Eternal Spring, the Garden of Blossoming Spring and the Garden of Elegant Spring. In fact, the Tsinghua University is also part of the Old Summer Palace. We went for a walk in it and we felt the traditional culture of Beijing. In the evening, we went back to Tianjin by train. We all had a good day!