Writing prompt: Should We Keep Animals in Zoos?

Student essay:
There was a discussion in our English class. It's about keeping animals in zoos.
Up to 40% of us thought that we should keep animals in zoos, because person can see a great variety of animals. What's more, in zoos, animals are taken good care of by the zoo keepers. The most important, they have enough food to eat and never feel worried about dangerous.
Other 60% of us disagreed. Animals prefer living in nature to staying in cages. They have less freedom than in the forest. Although it's safe, it's bad for them to move.
In my opinion, keeping animals in zoos is a good way to stop hunters from killing them for business. In accordance with the science reports, animals kept in zoos can live a longer life than in the forest. We mustn't cut down trees and destroy animals' homes. We should try our best to protect them.

Corrected essay:
There was a discussion in our English class. It's about keeping animals in zoos.
Up to 40% of us thought that we should keep animals in zoos, because people can see a great variety of animals. What's more, in zoos, animals are taken good care of by the zookeepers. Most importantly, they have enough food to eat and never feel worried about danger.
Other 60% of us disagreed. Animals prefer living in nature to staying in cages. They have less freedom than in the forest. Although it's safe, it's bad for them to move.
In my opinion, keeping animals in zoos is a good way to stop hunters from killing them for business. In accordance with the science reports, animals kept in zoos can live a longer life than in the forest. We mustn't cut down trees and destroy animals' homes. We should try our best to protect them.