Writing prompt: The Ideal Jobs of Us

Student essay:
Dear everyone,
Now I'd like to share the ideal jobs of our group members with all of you.
Li Hua wants to be a fashion designer in the future because she does well in painting pictures and wants to design pretty clothes for the public.Chang Lili's ideal job is to be a gardener because she is fond of plants and wants to make our city cleaner and more beautiful.Ma Kai,who has a geart ideal.He wants to be a professinal writer like Mo Yan.The reason why he wants to be a writer is he likes writing very much and he would like to share his fantastic stories with others.Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays,most food are unhealthy,he wants to cook green,healthy and tasty food for everybody.So finally what about me? What's my dream?I'd like to be a doctor because I want to treat the people who are illness and make the people lead a happy life.
At last I want the dreams of all of us will come true.
Thank you.

Corrected essay:
Dear everyone,
Now I'd like to share the ideal jobs of our group members with all of you.
Li Hua wants to be a fashion designer in the future because she does well in painting pictures and wants to design pretty clothes for the public. Chang Lili's ideal job is to be a gardener because she is fond of plants and wants to make our city cleaner and more beautiful. Ma Kai has a great ideal. He wants to be a professional writer like Mo Yan. The reason why he wants to be a writer is that he likes writing very much and he would like to share his fantastic stories with others. Sun Jun said he'll be a cook in the future because nowadays most food is unhealthy, so he wants to cook green, healthy, and tasty food for everybody. So finally what about me? What's my dream? I'd like to be a doctor because I want to treat the people who are ill and make the people lead a happy life.
At last, I hope the dreams of all of us will come true.
Thank you.