Writing prompt: Whether an Entrance Fee Is Charged

Student essay:
Dear Editor,
I am writing to tell you about the discussion we have had about whether an entrance fee should be charged for parks.
60 percent of the students think that an entrance fee shouldn't be charged.In their opinion,the park is a public place where people can get relief of the cares of the day.If the entrance fee is charged,it is neccessary to build the gate and wall .What's more it will do harm to the appearance of the city and leave a bad impression to the visitors.
40 percent of the students hold the opposite opinion.They think that the entrance fee should be charged at a low price.In this way,the workers who work in the park can get well paid.And more new types of plants can be purchased and taken better care of.
That is the discussion about whether the entrance fee should be charged.

Corrected essay:
Dear Editor,
I am writing to tell you about the discussion we have had about whether an entrance fee should be charged for parks.
60 percent of the students think that an entrance fee shouldn't be charged. In their opinion, the park is a public place where people can get relief from the cares of the day. If the entrance fee is charged, it is necessary to build a gate and a wall. What's more, it will do harm to the appearance of the city and leave a bad impression on the visitors.
40 percent of the students hold the opposite opinion. They think that the entrance fee should be charged at a low price. In this way, the workers who work in the park can get well paid. And more new types of plants can be purchased and taken better care of.
That is the discussion about whether the entrance fee should be charged.