[Hero, G2 Touch General] croques:
Sycophants-R-Us: Traitors!

For completeness I'm going to finish 'Thank-a-Dev-Week come what may. And from what I know now about what you all have done - 'what may come' may be anything.

As I've told you before I don't like being beaten by the way events conspire. But I have to tell you, reader, (and if you think I'm going to call you 'dear reader' after you've all done you can sod-off). I have to tell you, 'reader', that my heart's not in it. Sycophants-R-Us died a little for me yesterday. Dave's video started it. But bloomin' well spending all that money getting to Sweden only to discover you all planned this together, has really taken the biscuit.

I'm just so depressed. I'm one hell of a mug aren't I?. I've spent a fortune; it's not like there's a Ryanair el-cheapo flight to get out here. No - it was a full-price scheduled flight I took, seemingly just to make myself look even more stupid.

I don't think I'll be able to hold my head up around SRU ever again. I imagine Doris, Mabel and Cecily will be casting pitying glances my way and smiling to themselves over their knitting while we play whist on the SRU coach outing to Bognor or where ever. Just because I don't knit and am a woman-into-phones they've always socially isolated me. I've always been an outsider with them. I didn't mind that so much because I could always talk with one of their husbands - that's one of you lot - about new ROMs and apps and stuff. I thought I'd been accepted as a kind of 'honorary man'. But now, you'll all be laughing behind my back too won't you? I don't think I can bear being an outcast any more.

And that self-styled Chief Brown-Noser, 42TurkeyTwizzlersInOneSitting - you know him - he's the one always playing pocket billiards whenever you see him standing at the bar. I know for a fact he's got very little to play with; Mrs 42TurkeyTwizzlersInOneSitting told me. And I'm not one to spread gossip, as you know, but using Twitter on my phone has been a revelation. The things you find out! And in almost real-time too! You wouldn't believe half of them unless, as I do, you knew they were true. 42TurkeyTwizzlersInOneSitting - is always very correct and proper when you meet him isn't he? Well... apparently. But he's really into spanking and bondage and stuff; like that Max Mottely, who was in the papers a while back.

His poor long suffering wife - that's 42TurkeyTwizzlersInOneSitting's wife not Max Mottley's - I don't know how she stands him. Well I do. She told me. She sends him off for 'funny sessions' in basement flats in London for 50 quid a pop. It keeps him off her knee though, doesn't it? And that's all that matters.

So why is he all the while so smug? He thinks he's the 'Supreme Sycophant' and that I'm beneath even his contempt. He started all this 'Thank-a-Dev-Week' crap that I've been struggling so hard to make work for us all. But what contribution does he make? A big fat nothing - that's what. Did he attend a swoop group? Like as hell he did.

What I want to know is... why does he always forget to adjust himself when he exits the toilet? I wonder if that makes him a closet exhibitionist as well as being into spanky-hanky-panky?

Many Devs are introverted-exhibitionists you know. That's what drives them. I know introversion and exhibitionism don't sit well together but it kind of makes sense. These Devs, our Devs, want to show off and let us all know how clever they are but they don't like mixing much with others. So they code ROMs in their bedrooms and wait for the adulation to arrive.

Devs like the word 'flash' too, I think. Look at the number of times they use it in their ROM release instructions. 'Flash this', 'flash that'. I believe it has subliminal connotations for them.

Instead of a real flash, you know, a widely-opened-proper-pervy-macintosh kind of flash, the sort that all we older women have seen at least half-a-dozen time in our lives. (And some of you boys have thought about doing, I bet). Well, in their minds - I'm sure they see it as surrogate flashing instead. They get their jollies in the certain knowledge that we're all loading their ROMs; at their behest; as fast as they can spin them. The real pervy-Devs sometimes release two or three ROMs in a day. I can only imagine they get very sore... if the adulation doesn't arrive.

And getting back to the point of all this; I'm still waiting here in Ulmea airport, Sweden. It 6:45 Saturday evening local time. I haven't eaten since having a rye crisp-bread on the plane yesterday; and I've no money. Well, that's not true. I have money. Just not the right money.

Because I flew to Sweden with Norwegian Airlines, I somehow got it into my head I needed Norwegian money. This'll be the icing on the cake for you lot. I've a 1000 krone note but no-one will change it as its too big! You know the same kind of hassle we get in the UK with £50 notes. So I've been doing some of the stuff Tom Hanks did when he got stuck at a US airport; but not nearly so successfully. I've tried being very feminine and helpless to attract a bit of chivalry.. It used to work years ago, pre-wart. but all I've managed to attract so far is the attention of airport security with a very stern warning to desist.

I won't tell you spending all night and all next day in an airport departure lounge is no fun; I'm sure you know that. What I will tell you is that discovering that everyone but me was in on this. That's the 'Me' that's been trying to jolly you all along. You know? This person; Me! The one trying so hard to kick some life into Sycophants-R-Us and Thank-a-Dev-Week. I only wanted to ensure you enjoy yourselves in the process of seeing that the Devs are thanked properly for their superb hard work on our behalves. They do a wonderful job you know.

It's taken me some time to realize what I'm doing at Ulmea Airport in Sweden. I remember full well the refrain - "Wha' do we wanna go to Hagfors with a warty old hag for?" So why am I here at Ulmea? Good question! And the answer came to me while I was wide awake at 3.45 this morning.

You all knew Hagfors wasn't on any major airline route from the UK didn't you? You only chose it to make a rhyme with 'hag for' in that horrid video. Didn't you, Dave? Didn't you? There's no need to answer because I've worked it out. When I phoned up asking if you knew where our New-Nordic-Swedish-Swishy-Dishy-Dev-of-the-Day lives you said you'd find out and call me back. I wondered why it took you so long, but you were ringing around the SRU Swoop Group and hatching your plan weren't you? It took me half the night to work it out. But I know. I know.

Our New-Nordic-Swedish-Swishy-Dishy-Dev-of-the-Day target lives in Gothenburg doesn't he? I've just looked it up on XDA. And you all knew that landing at Ulmea at 10:20 at night would put me hundreds of miles from Gothenburg with no chance of me getting any action with our New-Nordic-Swedish-Swishy-Dishy-Dev-of-the-Day. Even if I could have persuaded him to see the sensual woman beyond the wart.

Anyway just to spite you all I phoned him. He didn't say much. He's a bit embarrassed by his English pronunciation; although he didn't need to pronounce anything really. Apart, that is, from repeating what he learned from the video.

"What do we wanna go to Hagfors with a warty old hag for?" Followed by very deep-bass guttural laughing; that's all I could get out of him. I assume the video has gone mega on YouTube?

Well, I did say I was going to finish Thank-a-Dev-Week at the start didn't I. Just accept it's not as comprehensive as I would like but you pratts conspired against me and I really can't be bothered any more..

So, reader, our New-Nordic-Swedish-Swishy-Dishy-Dev-of-the-Day This is what I know.

Live	: Gothenburg (Ed. NOT Hagfors ;) )
Enjoy	: Schadenfreude (Ed. No. It's not a German wine. I had to look it up too.)

So here I am, reconciled to to returning to the UK hundreds of pound poorer, perhaps a bit wiser and feeling lower than I thought I could possibly feel.

Oooh! My phone's trackball has just lit up. Well done to my ROM Dev for getting it working! I'd really like to see the LEDs flash alternately too; I'll write in and request the feature when I get back.

It's a message from the XDA Moderation Team. It looks kind of formal. Hang on while I read it.

I'm too upset to continue now and you'll have to wait while I get myself together. Oh I do need a good seeing to!

__________________________________________

Sent from my HTC phone