[Off-topic] therealdrunk:
Not quite a super hero, by day I am your average, 3rd tier tech support representative for a certain (pretty damn easy to figure out if you’re not a complete idiot) cell phone company. Throughout the rest of my life, I’m an angry computer geek, lashing out at just about everyone (hey, why discriminate?) that gets in my way.

So I’ve got a few things rolling around in my mind about these mobile devices and I’m looking for input at the end of this mess, as usual. Remember though, Confucius says, “There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.”

Here’s a bit of a rundown of the modern American cell phone. You’ll probably find a bit on cell phone plans/contracts in here, too. To be honest, I normally just ramble on until something makes enough sense to post, so I don’t know what all will be listed.

I personally believe the last “innovation” that should have happened for the cell phone is the clock. For about 75% of the people I talk to each day, that’s enough. See I’m all about customer service and the reason I’m not in sales is because the same people I talk to daily on the phone are the ones I would deter from buying anything other than a Jitterbug. They can’t use it. When I’m trying to explain to someone how to backup their information and they don’t know what the “Start” button is on their computer, they have no reason owning any phone that could be considered a PDA. Personally, I would like a netbook that made phone calls. I don’t want something Zoolander-ish, because I have fat fingers and expect too much from a device I can type on.

However, my “vision” will never be. There will always be idiots with too much money for their own good, but at least I’ll always have a job somewhere.

Now that I’ve got that out of the way, here’s a list of some current “features” of cell phones and the good and bad about them.

QWERTY Keyboards – These are great when people actually use them. I’ll never understand what the point is when they’re still typing in gibberish. “OMG!! U r so fun e!”

SMS Messages – A great concept ruined by greed. Why do we only have 160 characters to use in a text message? I read somewhere that it came about because it was the amount of characters as one line of text on a typewriter. That could be wrong, but real question should be, “Why do we still only have 160 characters to use in a text message?” Greed. SMS is beyond cheap for the carriers, but they will charge you 10 and 20 cents per message sent and received.

MMS Messages – Limited depending on the carrier to as little as 300kb. I tell customers each day to use email instead, because it’s not limited and it is more reliable. Ideally, they would make this invisible to the user, and just have the phones email each other. Realistically, we charge another 10 to 20 cents per message, for something that is easier to do than getting an STD from a hooker.

E911 (GPS) – Now included in every phone you can buy, because it’s required by law. I’m sure the FCC was worried about your safety when they made carriers track every cell phone within 100 meters… Riiiight. But I’m doing my best not to rant on the government so I’ll leave it at that. Fascists.

Touch Screens – “Why can’t I keep it my pocket with my keys?” Yes, I’ve heard this, and yes, they were serious. Negative for normal people? Touch Screen capabilities are great, and cheaper to make now than ever before. But the manufacturer will charge more for this just because they can. Don’t worry, you’ll get your 3D fix soon too.

USB/Other Serial Ports – These are great for people that want to physically connect their devices while syncing, but normally these ports are on the bottom of the phone, and people setting their phones in damp cup holders cause water damage to the device. Would it be harder to put this on the side? No, but how would they make money that way?

Minutes – Local, Long Distance, Roaming, International, International Roaming, Roaming on a Partner Network, Daytime, Nighttime, Weekend, Holiday, Inter-carrier, Intra-carrier, Circle… No matter what they tell you, no matter what they tell their employees, they make this confusing on purpose. How else are the carriers going to charge hundreds per month?

Internet/Data/Email/etc. – Having access to the web is a great convenience. Now I can watch that Jib Jab movie. Oh wait, that’s Flash, that doesn’t work in most of the phones… Oh, wait! I can watch Netflix! Oh, no I can’t. Well at least I can pay more for the web on my phone than I pay for it at home and get half the functionality…

Contracts – I don’t necessarily disagree with contracts, but part of why many people don’t treat their devices like they are expensive pieces of equipment is because they don’t have to pay for them. If more people had to pay $200-$500 for their flashy cell phone they may actually take care of the damn thing, which leads me to...

Insurance – There is no reason the carrier should be involved in this. Say we didn’t have insurance, and you had to get it, and any tech support, from the cell phone manufacturer. I’m not exactly a nice guy to people who call in that have bought one phone, seven years ago, but have managed to ***** to enough people to get them replaced by the carrier. The carrier should stay out of the hardware game, and there should be no such thing as “locks” on the devices. I don’t have to buy a new computer (or even a modem) when I switch ISPs. Oh ****, I hope Charter doesn’t read that…

Most of these things could be fixed if people just refused to pay for crappy service. I don’t like supporting sweatshops, so I don’t shop at Wal-Mart. It is your choice… You don’t need a cell phone. Anyways, that’s enough out of me. Like I said up there, I want your input, because I like to hear what you guys have to say.

Thanks again for being bored enough to read all of that,

Drunk