[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
Q. What do you say to a virgin when she sneezes?

A. Goes-in-tight!

Q. How do you know when you are getting old?

A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.

Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?

A. Same thing as a ''quickie'', only you do it yourself.

Q. Why don't little girls fart?

A. Because they don't get assholes until they're married.

Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ?

A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins !

Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?

A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q. What's the definition of trust?

A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob.

Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?

A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?

A. They don't have time.

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg?

A. They don't stop for directions.

Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?

A. He decided to stick it out for one more year!

Q. Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?

A. The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!

Q. How do you know when your wife is really dead?

A. Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.

Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant

A. Marry it.

Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?

A. Give it a nipple.

Q. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?

A. Fur traders.

Q. What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?

A. A cherry float.

Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?

A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

A. When his hand caught on fire.

Q. Whatï¿½s better than a rose on your piano?

A. Tulips on your organ.

Q. What did Adam say to Eve?

A. Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!

Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?

A. Dress her up as an alter boy

Q. Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?

A. Better traction.

Q. What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?

A. Push it aside and keep on eating...

Q. How do you say 69 in Chinese?

A. Twocanchew (two can chew).

Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?

A. A bloody waste of ****ing time.

Q. Why is a woman's ***** like a warm toilet seat?

A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Q. What is the first sign of AIDS?

A. A pounding sensation in the ass.

Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

A. Gagged

Q. What is the Difference Between ***** and Apple Pie?

A. You can eat your mom's apple pie.

Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?

A. Place to hang their air freshener.

Q. Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?

A. They're going to call her Old Spice.

Q. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?

A. One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running ****

Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A. Yell at her.

Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. What do women and police cars have in common?

A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Q. Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?

A. So they don't whistle on the way down.

Q. Why did the woman cross the road?

A. Never mind that, what the **** is she doing out of the kitchen?

Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?

A. So, when you pull their tits they won't **** on the floor.

Q. Why can't women read maps?

A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.

Q. What's a virgin and a balloon have in common ?

A. All it takes is one prick and its all over.