yashsingh1/xdaforums huggingface dataset:
[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the

morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets

up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,

standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock

in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is

pouring out!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't

you remember about three months ago when we broke

down and those two guys helped us? I think you should

help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out

into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark,

"Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
[Off-topic] zabardast_1:
A kid comes home from school and says to his

mom, "Mom I've got a problem."

She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at

school are using 2 words he doesn't understand.

She asks him what they are.

He says "well, ***** and *****".

She says "Oh That's no big deal, ***** is a cat

like our little Mittens, and ***** is a female dog

like our Sandy."

He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the

workshop in the basement. He says to his dad,

"Dad the boys at school are using words I don't

know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told

me the exact meaning.

Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to mom

with these matters, she cant handle them. What

are the words?"

He tells him...***** and *****.

Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from

the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic

area of the centerfold and says, "son, everything

inside this circle, is *****."

"OK dad, so what's a *****?"

"Son" he says, "everything outside that circle."
[Off-topic] zabardast_1:
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or

"Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very

embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew

the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for

Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But

she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I

said, "You don't understand. ..

. I have had Sex since I was

nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a

strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister

that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to

wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has

played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves

around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my

personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him

everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next

day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is

barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog

with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that

I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for

Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ..

. Sex

keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another

contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the

contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to

have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I

had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me

what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I

ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked

me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has

left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should

understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."
[Off-topic] zabardast_1:
Letter To a Wife !

During the past year, I have attempted to

make love to you

succeeded 36 times, which is an average of

only once every 10 days. The following is a

list of why I didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid

there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up

and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that

I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this,
[Off-topic] zabardast_1:
Goldie was sitting on a beach in Florida, attempting to strike

up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the

blanket beside hers.

"Hello, sir," she said, "Do you like movies?"

"Yes, I do," he responded, then returned to his book.

Goldie persisted. "Do you like gardening?"

The man again looked up from his book. "Yes, I do," he said

politely before returning to his reading.

Undaunted, Goldie asked. "Do you like pussycats?" With that,

the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging

her as she'd never been ravaged before.

As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to

a sitting position and panted, "How did you know that was

what I wanted?"

The man thought for a moment and replied, "How did you

know my name was Katz?"
[Off-topic] zabardast_1:
Once there was a sperm named

Bob. When all the other sperm

were just swimming around, Bob

was doing sprints and lifting

weights all the other sperms

asked him one day, "Why don't

you just swim around like us?"

Bob replied, with a smirk, "well,

when the time comes, I'm gonna

be the first one there".

The others told him it was just

destiny, but he said it wasn't. So,

the day finally came when they

were called upon. They were

swimming along when Bob pulled

ahead of the rest. Suddenly he

stopped and turned around and

headed back.

The others asked him why he

turned around and he said, "back

up boys it's a BLOW JOB!"
[Off-topic] zabardast_1:
One morning while making breakfast, a man

walks up to his wife and pinches her on her butt

and says, "You know if you firmed this up we

could get rid of your girdle."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she

thought herself better and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a

pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you

firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silence response, so she

rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a

death grip in place she said, "You know if you

firmed this up we could get rid of your brother.
[Off-topic] zabardast_1:
80 years old VIRGIN !!!

:p

There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch

in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks

her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that

she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but

the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second

opinion.

The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she

went to a third doctor and said "Please help me. This itch

is killing me and I know that I don't have crabs because

I'm a virgin".

The doctor checks her out and says "I have good news

and bad news. The good news is you don't have crabs,

the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit

flies."
[Off-topic] zabardast_1:
A married couple was on holiday in Arabia. They

were touring around the marketplace looking at the

goods and such, when they passed a small sandal

shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a

Arabian accent say, "You foreigners Come in. Come

into my humbleshop." So the married couple walked

in.

The Arabian man said to them, "I have some special

sandals 1 think you'd be interested in. They make you

wild at sex like a great desert camel."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the

sandals after what the man had claimed, but her

husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex

hero he was. The husband asked the man, "how could

sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Arabian man replied, "Why don't you try them on

and see for yourself?" Well, the husband, after much

badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them

on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got

this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years -- raw sexual power.

In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Arabian man, threw him on the table and started

tearing at the guy's pants.

All the time the Arabian man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET YOU

HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET"
[Off-topic] zabardast_1:
Free Beer For The Person Who Test !

A new guy in town walks into a bar and

reads a sign that hangs over the bar:

FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO

CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks

the bartender what the test is.

Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to

drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila,

the WHOLE thing at once AND, you

can't make a face while doing it.

SECOND, there's a 'gator out back with

a sore tooth...you have to remove it with

your bare hands. THIRD, there's a

woman up-stairs who's ever had an

orgasm. You gotta make things right for

her.

Man: Well, as much as I would love free

beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts

to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and

the requirements get crazier from there.

Well, as time goes on and the man

drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat

teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of

tequilla with both hands, and downs it

with a big slurp and tears streaming

down his face. Next he staggers out

back and soon all the people inside hear

the most frightening roaring and

thumping, then silence. The man

staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. "Now" he says

"Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"
[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
Kids

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but

nothing

happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they

decided to

send it to the President. The president was so amused that he

instructed his

secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought

this

would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write

a

thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I

noticed that

for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC., and those assholes

deducted $95.00 in taxes.

Never Argue With A Child...

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher

said it

was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even

though,

it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl

stated

that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated

that

a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The

teacher

asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Sunday School

If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my

money

to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"I asked the children in

my

Sunday School

class.

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything

neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the

children,

and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

"Well," I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"
[Off-topic] Jim125:
Joke??

just for a joke.how interesting!!
[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
A young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up

to the counter and said, "Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job."

The man behind the counter replied, "Your timing is amazing. We just

got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his

nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around a big black

Mercedes, and the suits, shirts, and ties are provided. Because of the long hours

of this job, meals will also be provided and you will also be required to

escort the young lady on her overseas holidays trips. The salary package is

$200,000 a year."

The man said, "You're bulllshitting me man!"

The man behind the counter said, "Well, you started it!"--
[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
MY 3000th POST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to all the people of XDA
[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
It's not so complicated!

The nice men are ugly.

The handsome men are not nice.

The handsome and nice men are gay.

The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no

money. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with

money think we are only after their money.

The handsome men without money are after our money.

The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat

heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,

somewhat nice and have money, are pigs.

The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and

have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and

NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!

The men who never make the first move, automatically

lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO IN THE WORLD UNDERSTANDS MEN?

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like

grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in

the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have

dinner with.
[Off-topic] l3v5y:
So true... Congrats on the 3000 posts BTW!
[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
MANY THANKS MATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now time for another joke .......
[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
Dad will never say

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.
[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
Household physics

Laws of Household Physics

Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:

1. A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.

2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.

3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.

4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.

5. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.

6. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.

7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.

8. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.

9. The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers.

10. What goes up must come down, except for bubble gum, kites and slightly used Rice Krispies.

11. Place two children in a room full of toys and they will both want to play with the same toy.
[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
New family driver

Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
Mom's new recipe

Mom's Brownies Recipe

Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375.

Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.

Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr "no, no."

Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.

Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.

Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.

Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's tail.

Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.

Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation.

Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.

Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well.

Let cat out of refrigerator.

Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.

Bake 25 minutes.

Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away.

Frosting

Mix the following in saucepan:

1 cup sugar

1 oz unsweetened chocolate

1/4 cup margarine

Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away -- far away.

Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know Jr had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Jr in playpen.

Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.

Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.

Tie Billy to clothesline.

Remove burned brownies from oven
[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
You want children?

Are You Ready for Children?

Mess Test: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Lego's. (If Lego's are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
[Verizon HTC 10 Questions & Answers] whizinc:
I just bought a used sim unlocked HTC 10 Verizon off eBay yesterday, it was shipped with marshmallow firmware and I successfully managed to update it to the 7.0 nougat through htc sync manager, however after updating it to 7.0 sync manager shows that the phone is updated to the latest version and there aren't any further updates available, we all know that verizon released an 8.0 update as well for the htc 10. Also, I tried updating through OTA but whenever I press on check updates it says "Cannot connect, we had trouble checking for the system updates." Can anybody provide me with an SD card backup or anything so that I can update my phone to 8.0 officially without losing data? I just want to update it to 8.0 and nothing else, don't want to root it or anything. So far the device seems amazing.

Some information about my phone:

Model Number: HTC 6545LVW

Current Software Version: 2.41.605.36
[Verizon HTC 10 Questions & Answers] Tarima:
https://xdaforums.com/verizon-htc-10/how-to/unlocked-htc-10-verizon-version-wont-t3843549

This will wipe your data though, unfortunately.
[Verizon HTC 10 Questions & Answers] whizinc:
Thanks a lot!! Just want to know one thing how can i flash it? through SD card backup or is the RUU which is an .exe file?
[Verizon HTC 10 Questions & Answers] Tarima:
It's a zip file so you'll need to rename to 2PS6IMG.zip, put it on the root of your SD card and boot to download mode.
[Verizon HTC 10 Questions & Answers] whizinc:
im fairly new to HTC, this might sound like a noob question: Will it start updating itself as soon as I boot it in the download mode? P.S file being in the SD card on root
[Verizon HTC 10 Questions & Answers] Tarima:
No but it will prompt you to flash it, as long as you named it properly.
[Verizon HTC 10 Questions & Answers] whizinc:
i dont have an SD card at the moment, can i use internal memory?