yashsingh1/xdaforums huggingface dataset:
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
An android user was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw an 8-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing.

He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground! He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw about to strike him.

At that instant the Android user cried out "Oh my God!...."

then..

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You forgot my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The Android user looked directly into the light: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as believer in God now, but perhaps you could grant me just one wish, before I die? and make the bear...an XDA Moderator?", thinking he himself was clever and that the XDA Moderator would be just and fair and wise...and let him go...

"Very well," said the voice from the light upon high.

The lights went out.

The river ran again.

Birds began to chirp.

And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the huge bear dropped his right paw .... dropped down heavily on both knees...brought both paws together...bowed his head... and suddenly spoke:

"Almighty God, ruler of the far forums and threads of XDA...Thank you for the noob for which I am about to receive!"
[Off-topic] Jesse72:
This thread is gold!

Oh, bump
[Off-topic] :
Amazing:good: I need more XD
[Off-topic] Sempiternum:
A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?' The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ......

I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did.

We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt... So I did.

Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.... So I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did.

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy.. '

'And here I am.'
[Off-topic] cyrok:
wtf! my reciever from my provider had the same error but i have seen it on my tv! :eek:
[Off-topic] veeman:
NO MORE PUNS :eek:
[Off-topic] epulrevo:
Jamie Oliver use olive oil in most of his dishes, because hes an "Oliver"
[Off-topic] Regnas:
A little boy, three years old was examining his testicles while being given a bath. He asked, “Mommy, are these my brains?” Mom said, “Not yet honey, not yet.”
[Off-topic] 1BadWolf:
One day Jimmy's father, tired of his son's dishonesty, decided to buy a futuristic lie detector that was a robot that would slap a person when they lied.

That night at dinner his dad asked "What did you do at Billy's house after school?".

"We did some homework", replied Jimmy. Then the robot slapped him. He corrected himself, "OK, we watched a movie".

"What movie did you watch?", his dad asked.

"Toy Story", Jimmy said and the robot slapped him again. "OK, we watched a pornographic movie", he admitted.

His father said "Jimmy, I'm appalled! Why, when I was your age, I didn't even know what pornography was!".

Then the robot slapped Jimmy's dad. Jimmy's mother, silent up until this happened, burst with laughter.

"Oh, he's definitely YOUR son!", she said.

Then the robot slapped her too.....
[Off-topic] oddtiki:
Nice one! :D
[Off-topic] AussieCable:
Haha I do like this one :good:

:D
[Off-topic] 1BadWolf:
Dave went to the bar one night feeling unusually adventurous. After downing several stiff drinks he says to the bartender, "I'm in a really good mood and the only thing that could make me happier right now is if I could just get screwed. Do you have any advice?".

The bartender says "As a matter of fact, I can help you out. Go out the front door, around the corner down the alleyway to a red door. When you get to the door, knock 3 times then slip 20$ under it".

Amazed that it could be so easy, Dave thanked the bartender and was on his way. He went out the front door, down the alleyway until he came to the red door. He then knocked 3 times and slipped a crisp 20$ bill under it.

After about 45 minutes or so he was still standing in the alleyway, bewildered and getting impatient. In frustration he pounded on the red door several times as hard as he could until a man called through the door.

"What do you want!", yelled the man.

"I want to get screwed!", yelled Dave in return.

The man answered, "AGAIN?!?!"...
[Off-topic] Kate x:
The best I can come up with :/

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven."

Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven."

Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Six."

Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven!"

Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"

Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

~Kate xxx
[Off-topic] nazarsokol:
Fishing man

Evening, dark, man fishes.

Hears someone shouts from afar, **** you!!! **** you!!!

The man was surprised and continues to fishing.

Hears again, **** you!!! **** you!!!

Man continues to fish.

Than he see the man floating on a boat and rowing with a spoon.

Fishing man from the shore said to him:

- Why not you to use fork?

He answered:

- **** you!!!
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
LOL. good one.

---------- Post added at 02:06 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:27 PM ----------

heres my ONE word joke:

"iPhone"
[Off-topic] huggs:
This isn't a joke, it's just a thought that came into my head. I think it's a good idea for me to purge my head of thoughts as they come, so that they don't get comfortable in my head and try to stick around. I don't need uninvited guests crashing for the night, then tryna move in, and then thinkin theyre gonna tell me what to do. Thoughts be all actin like a clingy chick.

I wonder if there's still Eskimos living up in Alaska. I hope not, cause I would like to believe stupidity has killed them all off by now. Only an idiot would live where it's that cold on purpose. An igloo is not a home. If you ever get it warm enough inside to be comfortable, your house melts. Now freeze to death, idiot. Hey it's too cold to kiss like normal people, so lets rub our snotty noses together. Get your whole idiot eskimo tribe sick before you die of chronic bronchitis, moron. If that's how they kiss, how do they manage to successfully have sex? Why? Why would anyone ever be an eskimo? If you were born an eskimo baby, to eskimo parents, why wouldn't you get away as soon as you learned to drive the dog sled? Eskimos, seriously? How are they a real actual thing? They should be just an urban legend or something, like a story made up to warn people about the dangerous consequences of chronic stupidity. Don't do drugs, kids. You don't want to end up an eskimo some day, do you?

Just freakin saying

Not tryna be racist,

but I don't think Eskimos are a race, per se

So I feel like I'm probly alright

Sent from my Desire 510
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
dunno if thats racist, but it might be very offensive to Eskimos. Perhaps they live there to avoid where you live? ( "joke"). seems they have no "homeless problem" ie make your own home, free food, no drive - by shootings, no school massacres, no obesity McDonald's junk food, extremely fresh and healthy clean food always, great breathtaking views of nature, freshest air ever, and they don't need lock their doors at night, and they have strong "community spirit" and are pretty hard core people due to their acclimatisation of their surroundings, and for sure they won't have crazy terrorists trying to attack them. probably safest place on earth nowadays..and I am sure they are used to the cold by now. :)
[Off-topic] Don164:
iPhone
[Off-topic] Cobbo:
Mechanical engineers make weapons, civil engineers make targets.

I do tech support and reset a guys password like 6 times. The password is a weak one case sensitive letters and regular numbers. Finally customer asks after the 6th time if he should be using capital numbers or lowercase numbers? :eek:

I use to do sales for a credit card company, customer was denied credit. Customer said she had excellent credit, she said she was only late 4 times last year on her mortgage. :silly:

I was a supervisor at a bank call center once. Best comment from a customer was,"the bank took my crack money in over draft fees".
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
Windows10 Phone
[Off-topic] Akash_Patel21:
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

:p :p :p
[Off-topic] rushiloke7:
PASSWORD PROBLEMS:

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one uppercase character.

USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one uppercase character consecutively.

USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER : IWillHuntYouDown50BloodyBoiledCabbagesYouStupidIdiotGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
[Off-topic] Hannah Stern:
BLUE and GREEN

I'ts Quite Easy to write Blue with a Green Pen/Pencil/Whatever: „“

BLUE‼:laugh::D

:svetius:

It's soo easý!
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
iPhone
[Off-topic] Theodric58:
99 Nuns

There once was a nunnery where there lived 100 nuns. The nuns not only took vows of celibacy, but of silence as well.

One night, the 100 nuns were in refectory having dinner in silence when the Mother Superior stepped up to the dais at the head of the room. She was carrying a paper bag. She reached into the paper bag and pulled out a man's shirt.

99 nuns gasped and 1 went "tee-hee-hee"

The Mother Superior then reached into the bag and pulled out a pair of men's trousers.

And 99 nuns gasped and 1 went "tee-hee-hee"

The Mother Superior reached into the bag again and pulled out a pair of men's underwear.

And 99 nuns gasped and 1 went "tee-hee-hee"

The Mother Superior reached into the bag one last time and pulled out a condom.

And once again 99 nuns gasped and 1 went "tee-hee-hee"

Then the Mother Superior stretched the condom out wide, and there was a big hole in the tip.

And 1 nun gasped and 99 nuns went "tee-hee-hee"
[Off-topic] jamepeytoni011:
"Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now,

choose the place where you want to spend eternity."
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
The post you think will get you the most thanks always gets the least thanks. The post you think will get you the least thanks always gets the most thanks.
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
if you have $20 and your girlfriend has $20,

that just means your girlfriend has $40
[Off-topic] vbajs:
This guys is just a proud android user,

Like me, lol
[Off-topic] ringolabs:
for indian readers

Once police was questioning a potato. After three hours of interrogation potato said...mai BATATA hoo, mai batata hoo :silly:
[Off-topic] DrBubblewrap:
Q: Why doesn't Santa have any children?

A: He only comes once a year -- and when he does, it's down a chimney.
[Off-topic] groundslug:
An agnostic dyslexic lies awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
[Off-topic] Mawesome:
My GPA
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
overheard this :

"iPhone is better than Android because I have iTunes and it looks cooler"
[Off-topic] Rent a Car in UAE:
Nice

This one is the best dude!
[Off-topic] Antony_Martell:
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?’

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, ‘You should’ve been here at 8.30!’ He replies. ‘Why? What happened at 8.30?’
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
This ever happen to anyone else? ;

if you have $20 and your girlfriend has $20,

that just means your girlfriend (thinks she has) has $40
[Off-topic] betatap:
What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsh...
[Off-topic] saturday_night:
2 met, one didnt come
[Off-topic] SRIHARI_GUY:
Teacher : Name the Nation we all Hate ?

Student : EXAM-i-nation
[Off-topic] almaraas:
:D
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
In a bakery

customer: "I'll have 99 bagels"

baking man: "why you don't take 100?"

customer: "are you crazy?!? who is supposed to eat that much?!?"

;)
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
Samsung Note 7
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
:D:laugh::laugh:
[Off-topic] Robertethornburg:
Joke about beer :D

A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife: "Get me a beer before it starts!"

The wife sighed and got him a beer.

Ten minutes later, he said: "Get me another beer before it starts!"

She looked cross, but fetched another beer and slammed it down next to him. He finished that beer and a few minutes later said: "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"

The wife was furious. "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore..."

The man sighed and said: "It's started."
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
LOL LOL
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

.

.

.

Snowballs.
[Off-topic] EngineeringWorld:
Hello!!! whose there ?

Nobody

Who nobody ?

Nobody
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
[Off-topic] ularkusut:
This is one joke, but take it deeply, its only a joke

A man went in for a Brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon. He could choose either the Architect's brain which would cost him £10,000 or the Politician's which was £100,000.

"Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than the Architect's?" exclaimed the clearly puzzled man.

"not exactly" replied the surgeon, "the politician's has never been used."
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
“ "Siri", why am I still single?!”

Siri activates front camera.
[Off-topic] vieose:
A Mathematician goes out for the Night, grabs a Beer and is about to leave as, as the Partner starts to say: "When are you going to return?", "Quarter Twelve!"

"See ya than."

As it passes Twelve the Partner decides also to stay awake. The Pointer starts to pass Hour after Hour and Time feels as if slower than usual as at around 3am the Mathematician returns.

"Where have ya been, told at Quarter Twelve you're about to return?"

"Yeah, sure.. heeh gotta told ya, not? A Quarter of Twelve!"

---------- Post added at 08:43 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:30 AM ----------

Must be something with 1.35 Meters Tall, the Car itself does have 1.24 Meters.
[Off-topic] ularkusut:
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
At a disco:

He: “Wow, what’s a cute girl like you doing in a corner all alone?”

-

She: “I had to fart.”
[Off-topic] iMaterial:
A friend will help you move, a good friend will help you move a body.

A friend will get you a date, a good friend will hold her down for you.
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
iPhone7
[Off-topic] rooyar:
Clara works in the customer service call centre of a national pager company. There, she deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional loony caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by more interesting people.

A good call came from Arthur, who repeatedly complains that he keeps being paged by 'Lucille.'

Arthur was told that he would have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.

'She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back,' Arthur grizzled, unhappily.

After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number.

'She leaves her name,' was Arthur's triumphant reply.

After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager, the light bulb came on.

'How does she spell her name? Clara politely enquired.

'L-O-W C-E-L-L,' dictated Arthur clearly.

Yet another technical problem solved!
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
Why do cows wear bells?

.

.

.

Because their horns don't work.

its a bad one, I know ...
[Off-topic] Απουσιολόγος:
Problems of Ancient Civilizations:

- What year is this?

- 352 Before Christ.

- Who is Christ?

- Am I supposed to know?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two people discussing:

- What is farther, the Moon or Paris?

- Hello! Paris of course.

- Are you mad?

- No! But tell me, can you see Paris from your balcony?

*If you get cold with these jokes, I do not have any responsibility ?!
[Off-topic] darthass:
Once there were intelligent human beings...
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?

It’s when the blind try to read your face...
[Off-topic] MigoMujahid:
why most java developers wear glasses??!

because they don't C#
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
[Off-topic] mrrocketdog:
a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

"err on the side of kindness"
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.

B: OK, sir. You are a taxi.
[Off-topic] simonbigwave:
Refurbished Note7
[Off-topic] kos25k:
I received a 1.2 GB Nougat update on my Moto X Play!!!
[Off-topic] joshua764:
You can upload some captures

Enviado desde mi XT1635-02 mediante Tapatalk
[Off-topic] Shibin_1985:
Can u capture & upload the file buddy?
[Off-topic] :
Use your brains
[Off-topic] Shibin_1985:
I don't have huge brains like u Mr.Einstein. You don't have to pay or loose nothing by being bit polite to others. Guess your name is a reflection of your deeds. Its not like I don't know to reply you in same manner you did. But it's just my culture that's holding me back !!!
[Off-topic] :
This Thread is called "Post a Joke". Enough said.
[Off-topic] Shibin_1985:
What ever. Knowingly one won't ask. I haven't checked the previous posts or thread.
[Off-topic] manipul8r1:
Peter kays big light joke mystery.

How did he know i know i never told anybody our name for the living room light did you?
[Off-topic] ifiht:
Geek Humor

Jokes that only a programmer/ub3r.g33k would get :p

I'll start:

/* Return length of number */
long long numLen(long long num)
{
if (num >= 0 && num < 10) return 1;
if (num >= 10 && num < 100) return 2;
if (num >= 100 && num < 1000) return 3;
if (num >= 1000 && num < 10000) return 4;
if (num >= 10000 && num < 100000) return 5;
if (num >= 100000 && num < 1000000) return 6;
if (num >= 1000000 && num < 10000000) return 7;
if (num >= 10000000 && num < 100000000) return 8;
if (num >= 100000000 && num < 1000000000) return 9;
if (num >= 1000000000 && num < 10000000000) return 10;
if (num >= 10000000000 && num < 100000000000) return 11;
if (num >= 100000000000 && num < 1000000000000) return 12;
if (num >= 1000000000000 && num < 10000000000000) return 13;
if (num >= 10000000000000 && num < 100000000000000) return 14;
if (num >= 100000000000000 && num < 1000000000000000) return 15;
if (num >= 1000000000000000 && num < 10000000000000000) return 16;
if (num >= 10000000000000000 && num < 100000000000000000) return 17;
if (num >= 100000000000000000 && num < 1000000000000000000) return 18;
if (num >= 1000000000000000000 && num < 10000000000000000000) return 19;
if (num >= 10000000000000000000 && num < 100000000000000000000) return 20;
}
[Off-topic] Tisenoiazei100:
10 PRINT "?"

20 FOR I=0 TO 1000

30 IF I=10 THEN

40 CLS

50 1

60

Nah im not gonna continue

Στάλθηκε από το Redmi Note 4 μου χρησιμοποιώντας Tapatalk
[Off-topic] dragonn2:
99 little bugs in the code

99 bugs in the code

patch one down, compile it around

117 bugs in the code
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then the grenade exploded.
[Off-topic] kos25k:
What a fallen apple says to the other apples?

-Why are you laughing immatures?
[Off-topic] ulxerker:
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. :D
[Off-topic] erickkg:
I laughed wayyy to long at this, lmfao
[Off-topic] vieose:
sorry it isn't my facebook but is my account at twitter and it's hard to clear out the copyright or its validity at the stockmarket

and the contracts aren't like working at the stocks to ship an joke on networks so I take it to the oceans of rust.

and she was white like flock's of aluminium hydroxide in an River and it's steam

and she ain't me or wasn't in a past, that's ridiculous.

https://twitter.com/bcc_bykbnr/status/1034483940558614529?s=19

sorry, upload failed.
[Off-topic] stritzi:
long time ago since the last joke;)
[Off-topic] Dirk:
Wit is synonymous with humour. It can also describe intelligence and quickness of thought. Witless could mean without humour, but is also used to indicate stupidity. The net amount of Wit in the world is decreasing rapidly as stupidity becomes the new normal. Humour has been sacrificed at the alter of seriousness by emotionally stunted dullards. Which leads me to ask...
[Off-topic] stritzi:
:o;)
[Off-topic] Kite'la:
should be forbidden to distribute such funny things :laugh:
[Off-topic] thefallnn:
Nobody likes you lol
[Off-topic] mrrocketdog:
why wouldnt the bear wear shoes?

it would still have bear feet. :)

err on the side of kindness
[Off-topic] agradese:
9 out of 10 European are stupid… I’m so glad I’m in the 1%.
[Off-topic] alecxs:
finally.. our recognized developer [MENTION=4544860]osm0sis[/MENTION] proudly presents his own dating app (that can decode true love)

:highfive:

[IMG="osm0sis"]https://s.to/public/img/cover/osmosis-stream-cover-tvQI1YbKuiaOaWYxfPg5DMXdX62CDNKl_220x330.jpg[/IMG]
[Off-topic] Cheryl_Inwood:
Toooo cute :)

---------- Post added at 12:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:29 PM ----------

When I was a little girl, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Eventually I learned that God didn't work that way... so I stole one... and simply asked Him to forgive me :)
[Off-topic] needforspeedd:
Lmfaaaoooo