[Off-topic] yesod7:
Jake and Sam Clam were walking together, discussing their lives and dreams.

Sam Clam says to Jake, "You know, I've always wanted to open a discotheque, but it's only lately that I've ever had the money to do it!"

Jake Clam says he thinks it's a great idea, and that he would love to help Sam get it started. So they search and find a great location, secure a bank loan, and get things started. The renovations are almost complete on the new discotheque, and Jake and Sam are going to check up on things, when Sam steps out into the street without looking. He is hit by a taxi, and dies.

Jake is heartbroken. The plans for the disco fall through, as Jake turns to drinking and depression. Weeks go by, and finally Jake can take it no longer; he goes to the same place where Sam died, and throws himself in front of a speeding bus.

Jake wakes up to find himself in front of the ol' Pearly Gates, with St. Peter welcoming him. St. Peter tells him that even though he commited suicide, he has lived a good life, and should therefore step forward into Heaven. Jake immediately looks around and asks about Sam: "St. Peter, I must see my brother, Sam Clam! Where can I find him?"

St. Peter sadly shakes his head, and tells Jake that Sam didn't make it into Heaven. He is far below, in the realm of Lucifer.

Jake says, "I MUST see Sam, there MUST be a way!"

St. Peter points him in the direction of God.

Jake finds God and tells him his sad tale of loss. God feels the intensity of Jake's pain, and takes pity on him, handing him an instrument and saying: "Jake, you must take up this harp, and learn to play it well. If you can, by your playing, convince me of your sincerity, I will allow you to see your brother, Sam Clam."

Jake takes up the harp, and spends all of his time with it. Years go by as Jake gets better and better, wanting to be certain of his abilities before he plays for God. When he finally decides that the time is right, he approaches God, and begs for an audience. Jake plays his best for God, and God weeps. He tells Jake that he is now convinced, and leads Jake to an giant elevator. He warns Jake to remember two things: "First, never leave the pathway between locations in Hell, for if you do, you will be lost to me. Second, do not let go of your harp, for if you let it go, then Lucifer will not know that you belong in Heaven."

Jake steps into the elevator, and it begins to take him down a very long way. The temperature slowly rises, and when the doors finally open, he is surrounded by fire and brimstone. The smell of sulfer is strong, and it seems and if the very ground itself is steaming. Jake steps out of the elevator onto the path, and follows it along, clutching his harp to his breast. He asks everyone he sees where he can find his brother, Sam Clam, until finally, the way is shown to him. A neon sign lights up the dark, and in the distance he can read "Sam Clam's Discotheque!"

Jake runs the remaining distance to the disco, and finds his brother. They have a tealful reunion, and talk for hours. Jake is so pleased that his brother has finally gotten his discotheque, that he hardly minds when he hears God calling him back.

In a loud voice, God calls him from afar: "Jake, Jake, you must return to me!"

Jake turns to his brother and hugs him one last time, then heads back toward the elevator. As he approaches the elevator, none other than Lucifer himself leaps in front of him! Lucifer holds up a hand, palm out, and says "STOP! You cannot pass!"

Jake tries to tell Lucifer that he does not belong here, that he has to go back to Heaven, but Lucifer only laughs.

God calls to Jake again: "What's the hold-up, Jake?"

Jake tells God that Lucifer will not let him by, nor will he listen when Jake tells him he belongs in Heaven.

God asks Jake, "What did you forget, Jake?"

Jake slaps his forehead and says "I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco!"