[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?

A. After five years your job will still suck.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?

A. A **** that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Q. Why do women prefer old gynaecologists?

A. Their shaky hands!

Q. What is better than a cold Bud?

A. A warm bush.

Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

A. Slow down and use some lubricant.

Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?

A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Q. What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day?

A. He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm "Jersey"

Q. What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?

A. Potpourri

Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common ?

A. You don't look down.

Q. Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?

A. The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.

Q. How are women and linoleum floors alike?

A. You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?

A. The prostitute stops ****ing you after you're dead.

Q. What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?

A. Bingo

Q. What is a zebra?

A. 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

Q. What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?

A. Good morning Girls

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a fridge?

A. A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out!

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

A. He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.

Q. How is being at a singles bar different than being at the circus?

A. At the circus, the clowns don't talk.

Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A. Breasts don't have eyes.

Q. How many newspapers can a woman hold between her legs?

A. One Post, two Globes, and many Times.

Q. What's the difference between a whore and a *****?

A. Whore's **** everyone at the party, *****es **** everyone at the party except you.

Q. Did ya hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?

A. It works by changing your blood type!!

Q. What do you call a truck full of dildos?

A. Toys for Twats

Q. How do you get four old ladies to shout "****"?

A. Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?

A. Snowballs.

Q. How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?

A. None It should be open when she brings it to you

Q. What's the difference between pink and purple?

A. The grip!

Q. What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully?

A. Miracle whip.

Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?

A. Men always miss them.

Q. What does do women and milk cartons have in common?

A. You gotta open the flaps to get to the good stuff.

Q. Why do bunnies have soft sex?

A. They have cotton balls

Q. What happens when you kiss a canary?

A. You get chirpes, it can't be tweeted because its a canarial disease.

Q. What does the receptionist at the sperm clinic say to clients as they are leaving?

A. Thanks for coming.

Q. How do you know when you honeymoon is over?

A. When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.