[Off-topic] PURESKILLZZZ:
Small Jokes post #2 ......

☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?

Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A ***** who knows everything.

☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?

A: We don't know. Never happens.

☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?

A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?

A: An f****ing know it all.

☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.

☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

☻ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

☻ My Reality Check bounced.

☻ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

☻ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

☻ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!

☻Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.

☻Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?

☻There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.

☻Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back

☻As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing

☻Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

☻What do you call a handcuffed man?

- Trustworthy.

☻What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

☻Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

☻A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

☻Why don't men often show their true feelings?

- Because they don't have any. 1

☻What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

- E.T. phoned home.