[T-Mobile Samsung Galaxy Note 3] Kal-El7:
The Nexus 6

The Sun was out today. Birds chirping. People were extra nice all around me. The homeless were being fed by generous donations, crime at an all-time low. Christmas is jolly, bells are ringing, songs are being sung......everyone is holding hands in the streets - even with strangers. Life started out good today. And it was so because I've been tracking a little UPS tracking number that would ultimate be my NEXUS 6, originally slated to be delivered to my home after Christmas but now rerouted to be delivered into my very hands after I elected to pay TWICE to upgrade my package-status so that I could personally pick it up myself as Will Call TODAY! How exciting. The world is aligned just right with all the planets, everyone's winning jackpots who've bought little lottery tickets - there are no losers on this day and ISIS has asked for foregiveness, repented and is donating Christmas gifts to fatherless children, etc.

I show up to the UPS center this morning to pick up my Nexus 6 - life is still good (as always for me). With the subtle and inviting breeze flowing through the air and everyone with beautiful smiles waiting in line to have their name called up to take receipt of their packages - there I am, waiting for my name to be called.

Heart racing.

Palms sweaty.

The twinkle in my eye.

The sultriness of my voice as I spoke with such silkiness and yet with exuberance and confidence as my name is called and I replied, "Here I am, my darling. Lead me to my paradise. My garden of Eden."

"Here's your package", The UPS Customer care lady says.

Then, without any warning. Without even the slightest clue - no one was aware.....

....the clouds turned grey.

Wind suddenly blowing harshly.

Signs on the streets were now falling over.

Pebbles and rocks were flung into the glass window. Birds falling from the sky...

Blood coming out of my ears and puss began to swell my eyes. A UPS package surfaced out from the backened woods and vines.....a package so big that it couldn't have possibly been the Nexus 6. As I got near, "THAT'S NOT MY PACKAGE", I thundered with amazing commanding authority.

Kids crying, mothers grasping their children, gunning for their cars to safety.

Police sirens are screaming in the background as they get louder and louder.

The demons in hell trembled at their knees, biting their claws off, ripping their horns off at the beg for mercy that I should not destroy this Galaxy and swallow up the planets.

The UPS lady approaches me with little courage and much fear- inching her way towards me one inch per hour at a time - she extends her right arm while handing me this humongous package and while covering her face with her left hand, head completely turned away from the site of my fiery face with my flesh melting off, my eyes as a California wild fire uncontrolled, black dense and smelly smoke emitting from my mouth as I breathed. As I inhaled, I confiscated everyone else's oxygen, leaving them gripping their throats, gasping, veins busting out on their faces, their eyes popping out (think Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Total Recall" towards the end of the film when he was ejected onto Mars' open surface).

"Please sign here for your package, oh master of the universe", her voice cracks.

I reluctantly did so - then with a earth-rumbling and deepened voice (no longer sultry) I thundered back the UPS tracking number to her in my desperate attempt to CONFIRM that I absolutely did not have another package there waiting for me.

As my eyes pierced her very soul, with tears in her eyes and her own urine on her pants, she says, "No master - no other package here exist for you, my Lord." And then she faints.

The ground began to shake and open, I looked up into the sky. I uttered some unknown mantra/chant with my hands extended to the heavens - the greyed clouds opened up and the blackness of space revealed itself. A swirling vortex appeared - a Black Hole emerged.

And just like THAT - #SoundofFingerSnapping-....I was sucked up into it.

On the other side.....I find myself typing this out....on anything else other than a Nexus 6.

I am stuck inside the Phantom Zone (for you Superman fans out there).

The end.

Nexus has been rerouted to supposedly be delivered later this week or definitely next week.

*cough* okay, carry on.