[LG Optimus L9 P760, P765, P768, P769] not_so_optimustic:
Hello, I shall do my best to shortly and concisely lay out my difficulties. (It was a bad decision to try to install a custom ROM on the Monday before finals)

I was looking to put a custom ROM on my phone, and was following this guide. I put CWM on my phone via this method. I had the ROM I wanted on my SD card. I boot into CWM, wipe the davlek cache like a good little boy, wipe the system (yikes), and select the .zip I want. Nope, status 7 error, abort! Heart racing slightly, I quickly Google and find a nice solution. Problem! When I reboot back into CWM... there is no CWM, and I'm stuck with the useless stock recovery mode that literally does nothing but show a picture of a dead android on its side.

I'm having issues with the offline installer. I've tried both the automated method and doing it myself but really nothing seems to be getting around the fact that my computer doesn't want to talk to my windows 8 computer, or my friend's windows 7 computer.

Here's some log output:

16:09:25 : [C:\LGMobileUpgrade] Try to delete folder
16:09:25 : RemoveDirectory1 Error(2):C:\LGMobileUpgrade
16:09:25 : Start Date : 2014-03-10 16:09:25
16:09:25 : ---------- QM Testmode ---------
16:09:25 : ***** Check Tool Version *****
16:09:25 : Tool version : 1.5.4.8
16:09:25 : UpgradeDLL version : 1.2.6.7
16:09:25 : Current Dir : C:\ProgramData\LGMOBILEAX\B2C_Client
16:09:26 : LGE USB Driver Version :
16:09:26 : Android PDLV Version :
16:09:26 : Android NDLV Version :
16:09:26 : ******************************************
16:09:26 : [C:\ProgramData\LGMOBILEAX\Phone] Try to delete folder
16:09:26 : RemoveDirectory1 Error(2):C:\ProgramData\LGMOBILEAX\Phone
16:09:26 : SetEmerModeAT()
16:09:26 : _IsConnectedPhone Call
16:09:35 : _IsConnectedPhone(0)
16:09:35 : 0 - NotConnected.
16:09:35 : 1 - Normal connect success
16:09:35 : 2 - Emergency connect success
16:09:35 : *****CheckOS Start********
16:09:35 : Microsoft_Windows7_Home Edition_
16:09:35 : *****CheckPCSyncPrograms Start*****
16:09:36 : PCSyncPrograms Not Found - OK and ready to upgrade
16:09:36 : Checking the connection with the cell phone...
16:09:36 : dwWaitResetTime(40000 ms)
16:09:37 : _IsConnectedPhone Call
16:09:44 : _IsConnectedPhone(0)
16:09:44 : 0 - NotConnected.
16:09:44 : 1 - Normal connect success
16:09:44 : 2 - Emergency connect success
16:09:45 : _IsConnectedPhone Call
16:09:52 : _IsConnectedPhone(0)
16:09:52 : 0 - NotConnected.
16:09:52 : 1 - Normal connect success
16:09:52 : 2 - Emergency connect success
16:09:53 : _IsConnectedPhone Call
16:10:01 : _IsConnectedPhone(0)
16:10:01 : 0 - NotConnected.
16:10:01 : 1 - Normal connect success
16:10:01 : 2 - Emergency connect success
16:10:01 : [009,400,102,102,102]The USB cable and your cellphone are not connected.\nPlease connect your phone and wait for connecting \nthe USB port for a while and press the [009,700,147,062,092]'Restart'[009,400,102,102,102] button.
16:10:11 : _IsConnectedPhone Call
16:10:11 : _IsConnectedPhone(0)
16:10:11 : 0 - NotConnected.
16:10:11 : 1 - Normal connect success
16:10:11 : 2 - Emergency connect success
16:10:11 : [009,400,102,102,102]The USB cable and your cellphone are not connected.\nPlease connect your phone and wait for connecting \nthe USB port for a while and press the [009,700,147,062,092]'Restart'[009,400,102,102,102] button.
16:10:17 : _IsConnectedPhone Call
16:10:24 : _IsConnectedPhone(0)
16:10:24 : 0 - NotConnected.
16:10:24 : 1 - Normal connect success
16:10:24 : 2 - Emergency connect success
16:10:24 : [009,400,102,102,102]The USB cable and your cellphone are not connected.\nPlease connect your phone and wait for connecting \nthe USB port for a while and press the [009,700,147,062,092]'Restart'[009,400,102,102,102] button.
16:11:02 : _IsConnectedPhone Call
16:11:02 : _IsConnectedPhone(0)
16:11:02 : 0 - NotConnected.
16:11:02 : 1 - Normal connect success
16:11:02 : 2 - Emergency connect success
16:11:02 : [009,400,102,102,102]The USB cable and your cellphone are not connected.\nPlease connect your phone and wait for connecting \nthe USB port for a while and press the [009,700,147,062,092]'Restart'[009,400,102,102,102] button.
16:11:04 : Check Cancel button active..
16:11:04 : Check Cancel button active..
16:11:04 : !pUpgrade->StartProcessing ... PostMsg STEP_TYPE_ENV_ERROR
16:11:04 : Page_Error ºÎºÐÀÔ´Ï´Ù
16:11:04 : [011,700,147,062,092]LG Mobile Phone Software Update was canceled\n\n[009,400,102,102,102]To quit LG Mobile Phone Software Update, please press the [009,700,147,062,092]Exit[009,400,102,102,102] button below.
16:11:04 : OnStepMsg STEP_TYPE_ENV_ERROR delete m_pLGCyonUpdate

And screenshots attached.

Listed in Device Manager:

ADB Interface > Android Platform Sooner Single ADB Interface

Modems > LGE Android Platform USB Modem

> LGE Mobile USB Modem

> LGE Mobile USB Modem #2

Other Devices > Unknown device (I installed the fastboot drivers to this, had to get around the driver signature stuff)

Ports (COM & LPT) > LGE Android Platform USB Serial Port (COM7)

> LGE Mobile USB Serial Port (COM4)

> LGE Mobile USB Serial Port (COM6)

Universal Serial Bus Controllers > LGE Mobile Composite USB Device

> LGE Mobile Composite USB Device

Please help if you can. Thank you.