[Off-topic] Dirk:
Ode to a Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Arm Pit One Mid-Summer Morning:

The sun creeps over the lands edge

Though the crack in the window it did wedge

Slowly brightening stinging my eye

as sleepily on my bed I lie

August sixth is the new day

Its in the summer half way

Stirring from my slumber I must arise

Must cloth myself and put on my guise

The sound of birds chirping through the air

Roosting and singing without a care

The sound of the lawn mower way far away

As the work men greet the brand new day

The smell of fresh cut grass intrudes

Sending me into wonderful moods

The smell of the fresh breeze moves the curtain

Its going to be a wonderful day , I'm Certain

On my bed i still here lie

I have to get up, yes I must try

Its so comfortable so soft and still

getting up is like climbing an insurmountable hill

I move my foot a little off the bed

Moving my arm slowly to the cots edge

Dropping my foot off and onto the floor

I rest before I do any more

Squiggling my butt to the edge nearer

Seeing my frame across in the mirror

To the floor I drop my other foot

The other hand on the edge I put

Raising my body to be upright

I raise my weight with all my might

in the mirror is my stout frame

Too much good food is the blame

Scraping my foot on the floor boards

Through the sea of cloths it fords

Finding at last one clean sock

My toes around its soft edge lock

Dragging it to me, I reach to the ground

Clasping on to the sock I found

Slipping it on to one of my smooth feet

I slide a little on my seat

I search again for another to put on

I find another that I soon don

Searching I find a pair of pants, mostly clean

With a newly repaired crotch seam

I find my undershirt in the cloths pile

I'm happy find my shirt and smile

Just then in my arm pit I itch

Its making my arm and body twitch

I reach for my arm pit deciding to scratch

When on to something smooth I latch

It felt soft and a little muddy

It turned out to be a green piece of putty

It was soft an somewhat sticky

It felt strange, kind of icky

When pushed on it slowly depressed

When I let go the dent sluggishly regressed

All together it was an unusual texture

I wondered what made up this green mixture

It looked so smooth and kind of glassy

yet in a way it was cloudy and waxy

Aside from the look it had a strange smell

What it smelt like was hard to tell

Kind of like sweat, kind of like perfume

it made an oder that filled the room

When pushed on it made a strange sound

As my finger rolled it around

It sounded kind of squeaky, kind of a smack

and kind of a pop when pulled and snapped back

Where did it come from this green dough

I couldn't imagine, I just didn't know

The waxiness and perfume, deodorant it could be

But that wasn't all , could some of it be me

Deodorant, dead skin, hair and some sweat

It all fused together in my arm pit I bet

Baking all night in the heat of my arm

Keeping it safe for any kind of harm

So in the morning I find the treasure

And how much joy I couldn't measure

I must set this aside and cherish it well

Despite its green color and it's terrible smell

Propping it on to an old golf tee

And into a jar so all could see

I raise it to an exalted place

So it could behold everyones face

Time now to put on my shoes

Where is the left one I always lose

There it is and in go my feet

The soft insole, what a treat

I put on my tee-shirt, then my shirt

It looked mostly clean except for some dirt

It was time for some breakfast, what shall I eat

Maybe eggs, toast, and some fried meat

I made up the bacon and the eggs I fried

Some toast, butter and jelly I tried

Cinnamon rolls I had, then some coffee cake

A whole bagel I toasted and ate

Juice and coffee I drank with pride

Till it made me full and feel good inside

Back to my putty, I liked not its place

I needed to find it a new kind of space

What a beautiful creation my arm pit made

I moved the jar and on to the table it laid

It made my soul leap that this I created

I needed a better display to have it mated

Something elaborate not just a jar

I would have to look for it near and far

Something with silver an a little gold

Something to display it so bold

At the door came a loud knock

Who could it be, I looked at the clock

Time for my maid service to arrive

She comes to clean up my cluttered dive

I shuffle to the door to let her in

I show her my putty and for it affection win

What praise would she have for my creation of green

She will be amazed as soon as its seen

I turn the door knob and open the door

It was her to clean a little bit more

I thought I'd wait till she cleaned up some

If I showed her now, distracted she'd become

She shoveled my cloths into the washer near

and washed all my dishes, she's such a dear

Sweeping and mopping around the whole place

Dusting every nook, cranny and every small space

She was nearly done when I told her the news

Of the thing I created while I did snooze

I could see a skeptical look crawl across her face

I lead her over to the sacred place

There sat my green putty, still amazing to me

On the table where all could see

She looked and squinted at its form

And asked me how it came to be born

I told her clearly how it came about

She promptly told me she'd throw it out

Her attitude gave me quite a shock

I thought about it and then I took stock

Jealous she was that she had not this putty

Jealous she was that she had not this buddy

She shook he head with a curse she left

I went over and slammed the door with all my heft

I stared at it till the middle of the day

As I walked by it I always looked its way

Remembering the joy it's birth did bring

I made me want to dance and sing

It was time for my midday meal

I started with the potatoes that I had to peel

Put them in a pot and bring to a boil

Then mash them and butter them with much toil

I wondered how the green putty tasted

But didn't try it, didn't want it to be wasted

Instead I opened up a tub of sour cream

Put it on the potatoes, what a dream

Deep fried cheese sticks for a side dish

Stuffed mushrooms filled with my wish

A slab of sausage adorned my plate

And my fine meal I sat and ate

For desert there was ice cream and some cake

and a box of brownie mix to stir and bake

While my brownies cooked in my stove

Into a piece of cheese cake my fork dove

Eating the last of the brownie pan

I opened up a cold beer can

Drank it up to my hearts content

I considered my putty with deep intent

I hear the barking of the neighbor's dog

Along comes the man who delivers through rain and fog

It's the Mailman bringing news from afar

In his white and blue car

Yes I'll show him my putty dear

He'll be excited and eager to hear

How my putty came into my arm pit today

And how it grew there while asleep I lay

I hear him approaching the black mail box

I waddled to the door and undid the locks

As he put the mail into its holder

I spoke aloud I tried to be bolder

I said come and see my putty so green

He was a skinny man limber and lean

He poked his head through the jam of the door

I said you'll want to look at this, you won't be sore

I showed him the green putty, I made in the night

I tried to control my pride, with all my might

He looked and said that he really didn't see

Why I should so happy about this putty be

He thought it a nuisance and said “send it away”

But he couldn't bend my resolve, he couldn't it sway

He didn't appreciate the creation of green

He is very shallow, so it would seem

So I sent him away telling him to forget

That on this day the green putty he met

Away from my door he quickly ran

He was a poor excuse for a postman

I must look for people who appreciate the unique

I'll look for intelligent people with which to speak

Not every one can appreciate my putty of green

Most people are prejudice it would clearly seem

Full of food I went out for a walk

meeting people so about my putty I could talk

Down to the shops looking for a display of gold

I found one suitable that the craft store sold

My green putty would look fine in this gold case

It was encircled with a fine looking silver lace

A window of fine glass like fine crystal

and mount it on a sparkling pedestal

I wonder if the world should see my putty dear

Or the tale of its creation should they hear

Would they appreciate putty's story

And hear about it in all its glory

Society is so quick now a days

And people walk around, as in a daze

Long gone is the willingness to hear

About great stories and things so dear

People are skeptical and soon to doubt

And if the story is long the begin to pout

“Hurry up” they say “get to the point”

And if your too long they get out of joint

People lack the patience needed

Unwilling with culture to have their mind seeded

They are unwilling to have goodness grow

Would they respect my miraculous dough?

So far the few I have shown my putty to

And shown my inner feelings true

They have been a jealous and uncultured lot

And haven't appreciated the wonder I have got

Will the rest of the world this way be

Or can they my putty's virtue see

Or will most scoff and mock its wonder

And call it a mistake, a serious blunder

Should the world accept my dough

Would their greed for it be my foe

Would they try to take it far from me

Would I my putty no longer see?

Or would the world reject my putty dear

And think it's creation rather queer

I think they lack the culture they need

And reject my putty and call it demon seed

I'll protect my putty from the world, evil

Protect it from any upheaval

I'll keep my dough to myself

And keep it safe on my shelf

I would like to show putty to my son

I think he would think it rather fun

But his mother, estranged to me

Won't let me my favored son see

He's like me in so many ways

And wishes to be with me, so he says

He would understand my putty dear

And gladly its life story hear

My son could appreciate the unique creation

He would approve toast with a libation

But his mother keeps him from me, unseen

At least until he is seventeen

So I'll be sure to write this story down

And when he's old enough he'll hear the sound,

Of a story about putty so dear

He won't upon hearing frown and jeer

Upon hearing the story he will wish he could

have this happen to him, I know he would.

He's the only one who can appreciate putty

He's the only one who could also be his buddy

My wife, on the other hand

My poetry, she couldn't stand

She lived with me for a few short years

And seemed to have a lot of tears

She said if she had known what our life was to be

She would have never paid the marriage license fee

But would have called off the wedding

And never would have touched my bedding

She never appreciated my poetic rhyme

And said so over and over many a time

She came from a family of and uncultured lot

And for poetry, appreciation they had not

So I'd never show her my putty true

For I know it's story, she would boo

I'll protect my putty from her wrath

Even if she thinks me daft

I began to wonder what our future together would hold

When all was accomplished and finally told

How my putty and I together would be

And our partnership together for all to see

Could we go traveling across the land

And on some high peak together stand

Visit some deep canyon or some black abyss

See the sights that we both wouldn't miss

My putty and I could cross the years

and toast the good life with many beers

We could seek to increase our poetic muse

and argue and debate and see others views

To the pub we could go so all could see

What my putty and I could turn out to be

Friends for life a companion though all

Even though some say its rather small

Small that he is, faithful would he be

I began to wonder if it were a he or a she

I've been calling it “it” for all this time

What gender would it have this, product of grime

At last I decided it was a unique creation

And not to give it a gender was a liberation

So “It” remains the gender I give

And believe to live and let live

Would this putty of green so dear

Live to see my final year

Would it go though all my life together

Or would one of us go first and our relationship sever

I would like this green to be my life long putty

But the future I see looks rather muddy

How long could a piece of putty hope to live

But every chance, every advantage I shall it give

I hurried back to my humble home

Eager to place my putty in the gold dome

My putty sagged on the golf tee stick

I rolled it and shaped it, it still looked sick

I should mount it in the display case

The one surrounded with the silver lace

But once inside it seemed to droop

like it was dissolving and turning to soup

I pressed it together but to no avail

A piece broke loose it looked like a tail

I worried if my putty would be alright

I won't lose it with out a great fight

I cooled it, froze it, but it looked worse for wear

I shaped it and rounded it as much as I dare

My putty was now drying and cracking apart

What to do? I had to be smart

Now the sun was setting, and what to do

I tried to think of ideas but only had two

First was to put it into a glass of water

It would be to much, my ball I'd slaughter

I thought it over while i fixed the evening meal

Saving my putty was to me a big deal

I fried up some chicken wings with Buffalo sauce

And ate the while I tried to prevent my loss

A slice or two of pizza left from another lunch

I sat and thought on it while I did munch

When I was through with the meal of the eve

I feared I'd loose my putty and I would grieve

As twilight came and the sun was set

An idea came and with my mind it met

to take the remains and put it in my other arm pit

and over night just let it simmer and sit

Now in the evening, time for my bath

I like to soak , make gurgling rhymes and laugh

But tonight I think I shall not scrub

For will conditions be right, if I enter the tub

For if I clean under my arm pit

will the putty bake and contently sit

if it be clean will it rejuvenate putty dear

or will it need sweat, dead skin and hair

Then again if I keep my pit out of the wet

Then conditions would be right to dampen with sweat

But what if I slip and accidentally clean

It might make my putty no longer seen

Should I chance to bath tonight again

Or should I put off cleanliness till who knows when

I shall put it off again once more

For I haven't bathed in days, it will be twenty four

So I guess I go to bed real soon

And rest myself in the rising of the moon

And hope my decision not to clean myself

Will not adversely affect my health

Time again for my nightly stop

To the restroom up the stairs, at the top

In the room sits a porcelain seat

I must go up and soon it meet

I'll have to soon take a crap

It takes so long I'll take a nap

Then I'll squeeze with all my soul

Look there, it's a telephone pole

Now off to bed I soon must go

And into my arm pit place the dough

I hope it will be alright in there

With deodorant, sweat, skin and hair

So I scraped the goo from the display

And into my other arm pit I let it lay

Off with my shirt and my tee shirt

Pressing my arm down till it hurt

Off with my socks and my pants taken off

I climbed into my sleeping loft

With the remains of my putty green

I hope it will revive, thats my dream

Off I sleep with a midnight snack

I hope excessive sweat I don't lack

I want my putty to come back again

Its cracks and dryness to heal and mend

I laid my head but had unsettled dreams

I guess it was a nightmare, so it seams

It was about my putty dear

And that I had had it about a year

In its dome it began to reproduce

and soon it got completely loose

It began to multiply very fast

I left my house in terror, at last

Putty was getting to big I fear

It was making growling noises I could hear

I was scared it would feed on me

And that I would no longer be

There was so much all over my house

There was no more room, not even for a mouse

It got into the sewer and down the tile

It plugged every drain all the while

Not a drain worked all over the town

Got into the water pipes all around

All the water stopped , everything went dry

I went about thirsty, heaving a big sigh

The town elders traces this blight back to me

And called a session of court, Me they wanted to see

Blaming me and my putty so dear

For all the confusion, and everyones fear

“lock him away for harboring such a menace”

“Give him some bread, water, and some lettuce”

“Starve him, chain him, let him lose weight”

“Sentence him to a Terrible fate”

They cast me into a dungeon full of goo

I seemed a familiar spirit, but who

It was green and sticky, like my green putty

Yes this was the reproduction of my green buddy

At first I feared it would eat me soon

As a beam of light lit the room

It twitched and wiggled in the cell so deep

It scared me so, I couldn't sleep

Then it covered me drew so near

It embraced me and thought me dear

It may have been a terror to all other

But thought of me as its mother

It slithered into the dungeon's door

Slipped into the keyhole pore

It jiggled and wiggled the door lock

I was worried and watched the clock

Then the door swung open to let me free

It oozed into the hall way as far as I could see

It smothered the guards and it lead me out

It went down their throats to prevent any shout

We fled into the heart of the town

We moved about not making a sound

I found myself something to eat

While every foe my putty was able to defeat

We would have to leave this urban scrawl

And go where we're not known at all

They wouldn't let us leave in peace

They would try to kill us or hurt us at least

They burnt putty out of every drain

And every pipe they did the same

Drying up every piece of goo

They'd keep working till they were through

The last of putty and I held up in a narrow place

His destruction I'd soon have to face

They would come soon with a wall of flame

His fate and mine would be the same

I hear them coming to destroy the rest

of putty's off spring in our secret nest

Out shot a flame of fire so red

putty screamed and I jumped out of bed

It was a nightmare in the heat of the night

And putty is still in my underarm suffering its plight

I drank a glass of water filled to the rim

And back to my bed and let my eyes dim

I tossed and turned the rest of the night

And for some sound sleep, I tried to fight

Was this dream foreboding for putty

Would I loose my green little buddy

In the morning it showed up true

That my putty was no longer new

It had died during the night

But I hadn't given up with out a fight

As you hear the sadness of this poem

and as you travel back to your home

don't gnaw your leg off with emotional pain

for compassion to all is the poets aim