[Off-topic] Dirk:
There are some things bothering me about the end of the world. Well, first it's the end of the world. That bothers me a bit to be honest. But what about the exact time? I mean i hate being late for things so it'd be useful to know so that i get out of bed on time. Maybe do some stuff first..put on some clean underwear. That sorta thing.

Anyway, if the end of the world, (teoft), is happening on a certain date then it follows that only the places on that dateline will be affected at any particular moment. So will we be sitting pretty in Europe while countries on the far side of the world are destroyed? "Oops, there goes Australia", shortly followed by "Japan just bought it!" You get the idea. If that's the case then teotw has a speed of 1000MPH as it moves around the world. You'd see on the horizon, hurtling towards you! Well, for a short time you would anyway. (Could you outrun it in that case by hopping a fast jet and flying off in the opposite direction? What if it were a really fast jet and you caught up to the back of it. What would that look like?

Anyway, i digress. So teotw, rather than being a cataclysmic and instantaneous ending of all things may instead just be a fast moving sonofabitch killing everything in its path, but just slowly enough so that people can see it coming? Pretty sadistic and inefficient way of running things if you ask me. Surely anything with the power to make the world end would be too busy to hang around making teotw last longer than necessary? Take a supernova for example. BOOM. The end. No mucking about, see?

So what if, on the other hand, we do all pop off at once. How does that work? It can't be the same date over the whole planet simultaneously, can it? If teotw happens on the predicted date then only half the planet gets it. That's hardly fair! (Unless it's the other half, in which case.. goodbye to the poor buggers really). If however the whole planet pops its clogs at once, well surely there would be a case for a false advertising claim. (If anyone could work out how to after they're dead of course.) It's no good telling people it's all going to end on a particular day only to surprise them 12 hours early with "sorry, there was a bit of a logistical mix-up with dates and stuff".

Because there is an obvious need for more information, i am composing a list of questions that i would like to see answered. Hopefully this will help clarify things so that we can all ensure that we are wearing clean underwear when the time comes.

Questions

:

i) Will wearing clean underwear help in any significant way?

ii) Can i leave a note for the Milkman to let him know i won't be needing the cream i ordered?

iii) Could teotw be postponed? Preferably indefinitely, but at least until after Christmas so that i can eat the Mince Pies my Auntie always makes.

iv) Who's running this show; and if they're not too busy could we ask them if they would just settle for destroying the smellier parts of the UK if we agreed to make a blood sacrifice of Justin Bieber in return?

v) If for any reason i'm not satisfied with the way teotw is carried out, is there an appeals process whereby i can claim restitution for any botched destruction? Furthermore, would there be a board of inquiry to find out who messed up and to make them liable for any inconvenience caused from having to reschedule providing teotw isn't completed in a timely fashion?