[XPERIA X8 General] Felimenta97:
Well, I must say that my life isn't bad as I thought, compared to KC or the other guy I forgot the username, happily (or sadly, not sure), but I do have some things that makes my life somewhat far from perfect, and at least half because of my mistakes.

KC knows part of this story...

I can start by saying that I was alone almost all my childhood (0-7), as I was a single child by then. I came from a kindergarten where in my class I was the only boy between 5 girls or so (just a coincidence), and as a boy I didnt fitted into all the stuff they did. Then I changed to a new school, really good one, but most people already had their friendships and semi groups set up, so I was alone at first. I was lucky another boy befriend me. [ Really off topic, but I'm writing this while it heavily rains, and at this moment a lighting happened and made such a loud noise I almost fell out of my bed].

Slowly, I started to befriend other guys and girls. I never considered them best friends, but were good friends. It was like that for 1 year. On that time, I always waited and waited for my vacations, when I would be able to travel 9 hours to visit my cousins (a girl, same age as me, 15 now, and another guy, 18 by now).

After the first year, some friends groups (unlike American movies show, here groups interact between each other, but some hate other groups.) started to verbally bully me. I was really innocent, so I always accepted that as "tips" on how to be "cooler", like them. I never told my parents, as I was really scared of their reactions), so everyday they asked me how school was I always answered it was good.

Fast forward 3 or 4 years, I started to slowly join the group I was bullied. Stupidest decision in my life. I started to change who I was. Hairstyle, clothes, way to talk and act. Even with that, I never was fully accepted.

Fast forward 1.5 years, two new guys joined my school, at the middle of the year, on the second semester. I was still "friends" of that group, but I slowly started to leave them. I started hanging out with those two new guys. I didnt liked much one (Gabriel), but the other (Matheus) had something different on his personality.

Then another stupid decision of my life: I'd write a lot of texts, putting my feelings, and sending to some people. I really regret what I said. I was still innocent, with my 13 years old. I started to be a huge stalker of Matheus. I didn't noticed that, for a year I was being a pain in the ass to him.

Fast forward more half year. New year at school. Gabriel left, and entered another one (Bruno). I didn't liked much his personality, but I wanted to befriend him (In fact, I was ~ trying~ to befriend everyone. No, it didnt worked out). He joined our group, which also had Ricardo, another guy who was already at school. Ricardo and Bruno didnt liked me much. Matheus had a different vision, so they he was a good friend at the time to me.

Fast forward more half year, another guy, João (John, in English) entered school and our group. At this time, I had already stopped stalking my friend and almost completely left the other group. Just like Matheus, he was more friendly to me, so I was to him.

At the end of the year, I made a terrible decision. There was a group at our art class, and I was doing most of the job, and another 3 guys weren't doing anything. Those other three were: Geraldo (it's his surname; it was him that befriend me when I changed school, basically my first friend there), Ricardo and another non important guy. I told the main teacher that, and after a lot of discussion, they got a bad grade, and had to do a test to recover that grade. The bad side is that they would hate me for the rest of their lifes.

Another year: (this one, actually). Bruno left school, I completely forgot that other group (they changed schools anyway), had Ricardo hating me, and friend of Matheus and Joao.

This year there was another group, that was there basically only there to piss me off. They hate me since they first saw me. They don't bully me, but annoy, either physically and verbally every chance they get. A person of that group is a friend of mine, so he didnt did nothing to me, as we had interest in each other (We live in the same condominium, and I'm smarter than him, so I'd help him, and he would be nice to me).

The thing is that I've made many mistakes during the start of the year, so most people of my class (we have fixed classes in Brasil) would hate me. Indeed I was stupid and not thinking when I did things to piss off many people). I was lucky the whole time that I didnt made anything to Matheus and João, so I kept being friends of me. They were the only ones to keep like that in my class.

I noticed how a lot of friendships are weak, so I started to give up a lot of them, to remove those kind of people out of my way. At the same time, I was making friends at second grade of High School (there are three, I'm in first now). They are all older, and most of them better people, so they fit the way I am now. The only bad thing is that they are way more experienced in life then me, so I felt I was in the floating on the ocean when they talked. They all go to some parties, drink a bit, get some girls, and come back in Monday and tell everyone how awesome it was. I never had those experiences: Big parties, drink at least a bit to be happy, get a girl to kiss (I've been rushing it too much, but I just haven't had it yet).

Another awesome thing is that I joined Teendroid. Adam had the idea of making a blog completely set up by, written and edited by teenagers. We're all over the world: Brasil, UK, Canadá, US, Germany, India, Australia. Talking to them, sharing experiences made me open my eyes a lot.

Back to my school, I was (and still am) admired with Matheus and João. They are two amazing people.

Matheus is a handsome guy (Can't I judge even being straight?), smart, nice. Some say I am a short version of him, physically, but I'm not nowhere close to it. I wasn't let down by him not even once. He's someone I admire A LOT. Something fascinates me a lot about him. Some people find me gay to him, which MIGHT have a point of true.

João is just like Matheus, physically different, and taller. He is brilliant for writing anything, can discuss a lot of subjects with you, and has valid points for the discussion. Also someone who can give great advices, and helps you feeling happier when you're sad. I'm not admired that much with him, but he's also an amazing person.

I described only a bit of them, but it's all I can think. There are only very few people I can say "I love you", and two are indeed two I can say.

Fast forward again to September 2012. Went to a trip with only the best students of my school, 20 others from another state, 5 more from another state and 3 more of US. My school is a kinda of a chain, in certain words. Those three days were the best of my life.

Not only I had fun, but learnt a lot. I stayed on a room with Matheus, Elcio, Daniel and Leandro. It was the best room of the rest. We shared laughs, stories, some deep feelings. I can send the link of the video with a clear explanation, with another full set of pictures, and some secret videos tomorrow (it's 2:43 Am now).

Fast forward again, and we get to half of November. After a huge holiday, it was the start of an end. A lot of friends were changing schools, and it devastated a lot. João was changing schools. It is going to be a huge loss, as he's half of my best friends I have. I don't know anymore what it's going to happen from now on. I'm scared of a lot of things.

On all those years, you can't forget that I always had the feeling that, even borning on a good city, and having a good family (even with our discussions), I always felt I wasn't meant to be born here. This people, this city, this country, doesn't fit me. I hate football (I ****ing live in the country in which this is the main sport), I hate most of our music styles. Hate our climate. I don't like here. Never have.

Well, I think it is enough for now. When I feel I need to talk, I will write again...