[Sony Xperia S, Acro S, Ion] mharckk:
ok since this is off-topic i think i can post it here:

time to refresh ;)

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there are 70 ways to make me happy first is

to LOVE ME!!

the rest is 69

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Teacher: We are descendant of Adam and Eve!

Student: Thats not true! My dad said we are descendant of an ape!

Teacher: We are not talking about your FAMILY!

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This dog,is dog,a dog,good dog,way dog,2 dog,keep dog,an dog,idiot dog,busy dog,4 dog,30 dog,seconds dog. Now read without the word dog!

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GOOD NEWS they will merge the following web pages:

FACEBOOK,

YOUTUBE,

MY SPACE, and

FRIENDSTER,

and they will be called

"FACYOUMYFRIEND"

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john : yesterday,,

i save a girL from rape ..

peter : wow !

... great job !

but how ?

john :seLf-controL dude ,

seLf-controL .. !

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Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself.

The moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're ****ed up..

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My teacher pointed at me with his ruler and said:"At the end of this ruler is an idiot!!"

I got detention after I asked him which end he was referring to.

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Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a car. .............

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School starts with Monday, Tuesday, the rest is WTF.

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Lost your pen=no pen

No pen=no notes

Nonotes=no study

No study=Fail

Fail=no diploma

No diploma=no work

no work=no money

no money=no food

no food=you get skinny

you get skinny=then you get ugly

Ugly=no love

no love=no marriage

no marriage=no children

no children= alone

alone=depression

depression=sickness

sickness=death

Lesson: Don’t lose your pen, you will die.. :P

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someone just told me that 'wtf' means 'welcome to facebook'...

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Every ending is a new beginning. That's why sequels are invented.

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Last night i read a book about how to quit drinking... so now i have decided to quit reading that book...

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Do u know d meaning of A B C D E F G

H.....?_

A boy can do evrything for girls

heart...

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i have been admitted to the

hospital,the doctor says its critical,so

its either ICU oR UC ME

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*After a Date*

Boy: I've...had the time of my life.

Girl: Me too.

Boy: And I've never felt this way before.

Girl: Me too!

...Boy: I swear, this is true...

Girl: *Smiles*

Boy: ...And I owe it all to you. *looks at girl*

Girl: Aww! Your so sweet! I love yo-

Boy: DIRTY BIT. *starts break dancing really hard right there in the middle of the street*

Girl: ......

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Wanna know how Indians communicate w/o talking?.

See the red dot on their forehead?.

INFRARED men !!

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whenever i feel like cleaning my room, i lie down until the feeling is gone.

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alcohol and calculus dont mix, dont drink and derive

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At the end of every tunnel, there is light ..... lets pray its not a train

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im in shape, round is a shape

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success is relative, more success more relatives

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I’m cle’a[ni.ng m'y' ke]yb36oa;rd.

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A “Lion” would never cheat on his wife but a “Tiger Wood”.

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Facebook should have “So What” button !!

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The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off hehe =D

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Why is SEX spelly as S-E-X??

Becoz its easier to spell than Ooh,,,aah,,,yeah,, oh ...oh my,,, aahh,, oohh,, aahh,, yes,,,

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Wifey: "Honey, I want you to whisper dirty things into my ears." Husbandy: "Kitchen, living room, dining room, patio.."

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When I die I

want my tombstone to

say... "BRB"

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cool FB status

"you" >>> is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Cityville and sell it on Mafia Wars...

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CURIOSITY:

BOY: daddy! How did i

come into this worLd?

DADDY: Listen carefully

son, mom and dad meet

each other in a cyber cafe.

In da rest room of cyber

cafe dad connected to

mom. Mom at dat time

made some downloads

from dads memory stick

then dad finish uploading.

We discover we did'nt use

firewall. Since it was too

late to cancel or delete.

Nine months later we

ended up with a virus and

that is YOU^*^

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Im thinking if I should change all my passwords to “incorrect” ..

so that if I forgot it .. the computer will just tell me ..

" Your password is incorrect! " haha ..

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Prof: who among u experienced having sex with a ghost??

Juan raised his hand...

Prof: Really?? how does it feel to have sex with a Ghost?

Juan: FU#%@$%^$%&^!!! i thought you said GOATS!!

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APPLE VS. BANANA

American: Is that an apple you are eating?

Filipino: Yes.

American: You know, in States, only poor people eat an apple.

Filipino: Oh, is that true? Is that a banana you are eating?

American: Yes.

Filipino: You know, in Philippines, only monkeys eat banana.

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one night, john, jose and peter were pursued by the police

they hid in a potato sack

The police kicked the first sack.

john: meow meow

Police: ow its just a cat

The police kicked the second sack

Jose: arf arf

Police: ow this one is a dog.

The police kicked the third sack ..

no respond ..

Police kicked again ..

no respond again..

and then kicked again ..

pedro: sh!t .. im a sweet potato thats why I have no sound ..

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BF: i have a big problem

GF: dont say that its just your problem, we love each other so your problem is our problem, so whats your problem anyway?

BF: our housemaid is pregnant and we are the father. :)

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john: hey peter! whats up? looks like youre thinking something.

peter: yeah right, i dream last night with 50 Miss Universe with me.

john: you're a lucky man, so whats your problem now?

peter: dude i won!

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Girl: doc, check up please

Doc: okay, please remove your bra and panty then lie down

Girl: No doc not me, my grandma needs check up

Doc: ok grandma, take a deep breath

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Facebook is like a refrigerator. You keep cheking it every 5 minutes though you know there's nothing new.

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Father: what the hell son? you are worthless

Mother: we cannot trust you!!!

younger brother: you are our only hope

elder sister: you failed us!!!

.... the elder brother cried

elder brother: am i always be the culprit? am i not your son or brother?

its not my fault why the VENGEANCE gut STUN, i said to all of you back back don't push but you all don't listen to me.. you are all weak!!!

hahaha :)

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Mother: fix your bed

Son: if i fix it then later it will be a mess again. just like when i fall in love and then got hurt at the end.

Mother: Yown... now you make a drama in front of me..... you lazy ass.. then don't eat, you will just dump it later anyway.

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1 ugly lady walking in the dark and got hold-up

Hold-upper: this is a hold-up now give me your bag.

ugly lady: RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!

Hold-upper: what rape? its just a hold-up

ugly lady: uhm..nothing..i'm just suggesting...

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Taxi passenger taps the driver's shoulder ...

WAAAAAHHHHHH! screamed the driver ...

Passenger: Why do you cry?

Driver: Sorry i'm just new to this driving a taxi. cause I've been driving a funeral van for 25 years.

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Patient: doc i have a fear in pulling out my tooth

Dentist: here takes this, this will make you brave

Patient: (drunk the drug)

Dentist: are you brave now?

Patient: yes doc! if someone will mess with my tooth i will cracked his skull!!!

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MAN1: my wife got angry at me when i don't finish my job and bring it home.

MAN2: why, what is your work anyway?

MAN1: embalmer

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Windows does not detect a keyboard…Please press ‘ENTER’ to continue…

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Teacher: Here is the exam results.

Boyet got 99% ..

Boyet: Hey hey hey hey! can you all do that?Still i don't study my lesson that time! you all need to learn! you all have L0W IQ! chicken brain! you all just wasting your tuition!

Teacher: the rest got 100%

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You can't hear people laughing at you if you laugh harder than them XD

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my ex-girlfriend's status said suicidal and standing on the edge. So i poked her!

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i cant taste my lips... Can you taste mine? ^¤^

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GF: will you bring me home?

BF: nope... i don't have money and my allowance will be given to me on the next month..

GF: you don't want to? guess i will be lonely cause i will be alone at the house .

BF: hey do you see this? i still have 20's in my pocket.

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peter: hey dude! i'm piss off today you know, because i got stock on the elevator for 2 hours!

john: i'm more piss off!!! cause i'm standing for 4 hours, cause the escalator broke down.

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my mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-*****!

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the one who made the keyboard of the computer was a genius ..

and he made a very sweet accomplishment..

by keeping “U” and “I”

so very NEAR!! ..

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You would’t know how sweet life could be.. unless you’ve tasted somebody yummy..:)

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"if 4 out of 5 Filipinos suffer from LBM, does it mean that the other 1 enjoys it?"

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As she lay their dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, your not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients", but the another keep reminding me, "are you mad you are a veterinarian!"

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i told my girlfriend she should treat me like a fine wine...she locked me in a dark cellar!

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The fish said:

You can't see my tears because im in the water,

The water said:

But i can feel your tears because you're in my heart.

The lesson is..

I don't know, cause first of all i don't know how the fish could talk!! and then the water replied.

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One day an old lady stop by a sex shop to buy a vibrator.after a while she go to the counter and ask the store owner.

Old Lady: ahmm.... how much is that on the left hanging on the side of the wall

Store owner: ahh .. i'm sorry ma'am but we don't sell it.

Old lady: Why? I will pay cash!

Store owner: im really sorry but i cannot ..

Old lady: Why you cant!

Store owner: cant you see? that's our fire extinguisher here!

:)

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Job interview:

Boss: what do you know?

Rommel: i know where your wife lives and i know where your mistress lives also

Boss: your hired!

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thats all for now hope that you have a good time reading this :)