[AT&T Samsung Galaxy Note I717] kiltedthrower:
I appreciate the helpful suggestions that I've received. And thanks to you all that responded with support that this thread isn't about parenting philosophy.

Not that I need to defend myself to individuals on the net, I'll throw this out at you.

My daughters can pretty much dress how they want within reason (eg: my 14 year old cannot wear booty shorts or mini skirts like.she'd like sometime. But I certainly don't care if my 16 year old wears her My Bloody Valentine and other band shirts so long as it doesn't advertise drugs, sex, and alcohol)

They can have colored hair and ear and a.small nose piercing as long as their grades are C's and better.

They can have phones, laptops, Facebook, text,etc. But they are monitored to some extent. They don't have to have texting or Facebook (a lot of us remember the days before.cell phones and social websites). When I'm at work, I'm monitored by IT on anything and everything that is viewed, sent etc when I'm using their wifi server (as are all the employees here). If I don't send innapropriate messages and etc, I have nothing to worry about. If I break the rules, I am subject to punishment.

My kids do and have always carried above a 3.0 GPA. They very rarely get in trouble at school. I am the parent that has always initiated talks about sex, drugs, alcohol, and peer pressure. We have had very open talks. They have made mistakes and they have never been afraid to talk to me because they know I can relate to how they are feeling and I will not judge them. They also know that should they end up at one of those high school partys and end up drinking that they are to call me rather than get in the car with someone that has been drinking. I know this to be true because that incidence has happened once with my 16 year old. I, unfortunately, did not make the smart decision to not get into a car. I was a passenger and ended up with a couple broken bones. My two best friends did not live. I was the only one that wore a seatbelt.

My 16 year old and I play indoor soccer and go to watch each other when we play and support each other. I help her with guitar (I've played for a decade) and take her also to private lessons. I take her to band practice and am supportive when she gets to play an occassional show by always going to watch.

I help my 14 year old with pom and cheer (I was a gymnast for quite awhile and can still do most of the floor stuff) . I go to all local competitions and many of the away ones.

We stay up late watching movies on the weekend. We play video games togethor, go to anime and comic conventions together. My 16 year old collects comics and I make sure we get to the comic shop every two weeks to pick up a few things.

I made sure to get to know her friends and meet the parents of the friends. In other words, I want to know whats going on in the life of my children and who they associate with. My house is typically the 'sleep over house'. I've been mistaken a.number of times of being my 16 year Olds older brother rather than Dad.

With that being said, I used to never monitor their actual texts or get into their emails or private Facebook messages. I'd ask who they were texting and look at their Facebook pages but that's bout it. I didn't want to invade in their privacy. Well, that is until there was reason to. Stuff like cyber bullying and innapropriate conversations that I found out about by being tipped off by another parent.

I asked one of my daughters why. She said she didn't mean anything by it, didn't realize the seriousness of it, and that no one was really paying attention to the conversations. The other daughter said she wasn't afraid of the consequences or that I'd get mad but more that I'd be disappointed after trusting her so much.

Ronald Regan said to trust but verify and there's a lot of truth in that. So my daughters had a ton of freedom but were still making bad decisions and so were a lot of their friends and fellow students. Why? Good kids still make bad decisions. And it's a part of growing up to make mistakes and learn from them. But it's also the job of a parent to try and minimize the amount of trouble that is available to their child and to know what's going on in their life.

When someone knows they are.being monitored, they are less likely to engage in wrong behaviors. Nothing is fool proof and mistakes will still be made. I work in a gifted and talented school that is ranks in the top 20 nationally every year. The students here have to be accepted to get in. Very talented, bright, and brilliant adolescents. And because they are at this level, they are often given more freedom and checked less than their peers that are not at this school. And some of the actiivities they engage in is crazy sometimes. Why? Because the parents are not monitoring them.

Anyway, for those of you that do not agree.with me, that's okay.