[Off-topic] Moscow Desire:
Bacon Facts in History

In the continuing stories of Bacon Facts in History.....

Nathan Hale (born 1755, died 1776)

Well known in American History, is the story of Nathan Hale, member of the Continental Army for the fledgling United States. Also well know, are the comments he made before giving his life (at the hands of the Imperial British no less).

What's not known, are the true circumstances involving this dastardly deed.

We all know the real reason the British invaded the Colonial States. It wasn't for control as everybody is led to believe. Yeah, the colonials were a pretty scrappy bunch, and yeah, they didn't want to pay taxes to some unknown SOB 5000 miles away. So why did the british invade????

After all, the colonials didn't have much to export. Some corn, some sugar, and some smoked honey cured bacon. WHAT????

We all know, British cooking is the pits. Anybody who traveled to the UK can attest to this. Remember at the time, the primary pork product for most British people, was.... Salt Pork. Now folks, don't know if you've eaten salt pork before. But,,, it's Nasty to say the least.

Needless to say, the British discovered something to even further tax the colonials. Money was one thing, but to give away our bacon??? No Way!

The fight was on. Enter Nathan Hale...

Of course during the war, bacon production pressed on. It's said an army travels on it's stomach,,,, especially when that stomach is filled with Smoked Honey Cured Bacon. Any improvement in the recipe, would only bolster moral in the fledgling Colonial Army.

So when volunteers were asked to cross British lines to deliver the new recipe to the Bacon Masters, up stepped young Nathan Hale. Nathan was a strapping young lass of 21, with a set between the legs made of titanium! The last thing he was afraid of, was a bunch of fancy red suited panzy-ass Brits! So off he went, recipe in hand, dragging that monster set of T-Balls behind him.

The capture...

Of course the British Army was not without their spies, and word was known of Nathan's mission. Also of note, it wasn't very hard to track Nathan. With T-Balls as big as his, he flaunted the British by leaving the trails of them huge T-Balls dragging behind.

When captured, Nathan was having his breakfast of Smoked Honey cured Bacon and gravy. The British, in gentlemanly fashion, allowed Nathan to finish his meal. Big mistake. Nathan promptly, when finished, wiped his gravy bowl clean with his napkin, then wiped his face. Then promptly ATE his napkin! You can guess the "napkin" was the recipe. Right in front of their faces!!!! Followed by a huge belch and a smile! (T-Balls)

The torture....

By the time the Brits finished dragging poor Nathan back to their HQ, (another week of eating that nasty salt pork), they were in no mood for humor. Not to mention they were intimidated by his ..well, you know. So in not such a good mood, torture was immediately started. This proved pointless after a week, so the Brits decided execution was in order.

When asked for a last meal, which is typical British fashion, you can only guess what the reply was. "I'd like 6 eggs, 4 toast, gravy....and.... 2 pounds of Smoked Honey Cured Bacon, please". The Brits didn't find this funny. Request denied.

Execution Day...

As Nathan stood at the gallows, rope around his neck, the Commandant felt that the graveness of the situation would force the information at last. When asked if he had any last words to say, with a smirk on his face, Nathan Hale stated...

"I only regret that I have but one life to give for my Bacon"

The British had enough of Nathan Hale, so they obliged.

T-Balls to the end!

So...why did they change his statement from "Bacon" to "Country"????

Simple. To protect the secrecy of the recipe! If it was left as "Bacon", then everybody would be interested and invade the Colonial States (as it was, the British tried again several years later, but it worked out about as well as the first time).

So changing it to something Patriotic, inline with Liberty and Freedom, well, everybody forgets about that after 10 years.

Also, it sounds much better in the history books.