yashsingh1/xdaforums huggingface dataset:
[Off-topic] dmcduck:
How many forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and 1 to post that the light bulb has been

changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb

could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

53 to flame the spell checkers

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it’s "lightbulb" or "light bulb"

… another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is

perfectly correct

156 to email the participant’s ISPs complaining that they are in violation of

their "acceptable use policy"

109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this

discussion to a lightbulb forum

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and

lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped

111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and

therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the

best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and

what brands are faulty

27 to post URL’s where one can see examples of different light bulbs

14 to post that the URL’s were posted incorrectly and then post the

corrected URL’s

3 to post about links they found from the URL’s that are relevant to this group

which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers

and signatures, and add "Me too"

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle

the light bulb controversy

19 to quote the "Me too’s" to say "Me three"

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ

44 to ask what is a "FAQ"

4 to say "didn’t we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about

light bulbs"

1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start

it all over again.
[Off-topic] idavid_:
So true :D

¤Violets are red,

Roses are blue,

Wait, what?

I have no idea what I'm saying,

But you lost the game¤
[Off-topic] dualbore:
This reminds me of the golden days when 'forum' still was 'newsgroup' :p

I guess I grow old...
[Off-topic] Archer:
Me too
[Off-topic] jaszek:
Me Three

10char
[Off-topic] sakai4eva:
Bullshiat. That is grammatically incorrect.
[Off-topic] dmcduck:
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years

with a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so

he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some fruit trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and look it

over as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a 5 gallon bucket to

bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As

he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women Skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim

naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
[Off-topic] Dirk:
^^Excellent! :D
[Off-topic] iwebsource:
Sent from my SGH-T959D
[Off-topic] NightHawk877:
How many roaches does it take to change a light bulb?

You can't tell because as soon as the light goes on, they scatter.
[Off-topic] conantroutman:
Here's one.....

An englishman, a rabbi and a paraplegic swiss baboon walk into a bar.....

The barman says, "no racist jokes please because that conantroutman is a power mad jerk and he'll ban your ass quicker than you can say (insert racist insult here).......

You have been warned.

Carry on.

Business as usual....

Sent From My Fingers To Your Face.......
[Off-topic] Aussti:
Yo mamma so stupid that she has an iPhone. :p
[Off-topic] Shift_Lock:
Wrong thread... LMAO!
[Off-topic] xaccers:
I once met Gordon Brown and he said to me "I'll have to take you to my club some day, I'm a country member"

So I said "I think we all remember"
[Off-topic] lizard1:
Boy comes home from school one day, walks in the house and there are mom and dad on the couch making love. The boy asks his father, "What are you and mom doing?" To which, the father replies,"Son, I'm playing poker and your mom is a wild card. Now go over to grandma and grandpa's house and borrow his drill and come back for supper. The boy gets to his grandparents and walks inside to discover them making love on a bearskin rug in front of a fireplace. The boy asks his grandparents, "What are you doing?" Grandpa says, "I'm playing poker with grandma, and she's a wild card. Why don't you come back and see us some other time." The boy gets his grandpas drill and puts it in his garage for his father and goes in the back door and up the back stairs to his room. Later that evening the boys father opens the door to his sons room to tell him supper is ready and finds him playing with himself. He says, "Son, what are you doing?" And, the boy replies,"Dad I'm playing poker, and with a hand like this, who needs wild cards!"
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Off-topic] rioko:
Want to know what makes everyone smile?

Face muscles
[Off-topic] Archer:
What do you call a man with no ears?

Anything you want my friend.
[Off-topic] rioko:
A duck goes to the lemonade stand and says to the man running the stand :

"Quack"
[Off-topic] :
Then the man sues for defamation of character? Yeah I've heard that joke before :D:)

-Seasons change, but people don't-
[Off-topic] xaccers:
Mavis annd Beryl are two old ladies sitting on a park bench.

Suddenly a man runs up and flashes them before dashing off.

Mavis had a stroke, Beryl wasn't quick enough.
[Off-topic] Dirk:
Roffles! :D
[Off-topic] Kalei.DOS:
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

A teacher makes you spit out your gum, but a train tells you to CHOO CHOO CHOO!
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
I lul'd
[Off-topic] idavid_:
My girlfriend texted me that she wants to break up with me. After some time, she texted: oh sorry, wrong person.

¤Violets are red,

Roses are blue,

Wait, what?

I have no idea what I'm saying,

But you lost the game¤
[Off-topic] Dirk:
Repost: The Husband Store..

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
[Off-topic] xaccers:
Classic :D

Have a great weekend Dirk
[Off-topic] Dirk:
You too my friend!
[Off-topic] yoshimitsuHD2:
what is green, has 4 legs and will kill you when it falls on you from a tree?

a billard table ;)
[Off-topic] xaccers:
OMG that took me back! I've not heard that joke in about 24 years! :)
[Off-topic] eraste:
Classic blonde joke:

There was a blonde in a row boat out in a field just rowing away to now where..

Local reporters and citizens began to gather and watch the "crazed" blonde woman.

Another blonde was driving on her way to Walmart and listening to the story unfold on the radio....

She was getting angry and felt like blondes were being stereotyped. Listening to the location she drove up put her car in park and ran to the edge of the field...

She screamed "its blondes like you that give us a bad name! If I could swim Id come out there and give you a beaten!"

LMAO

:p
[Off-topic] Dirk:
Police are called to the scene of a murder to find a man standing in his living room, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.

The detective asks him, "Sir, is that your wife?"

"Yes," the shaken man replies.

"Did you hit her with that golf club?"

"Yes. Yes, I did," the man stammers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.

"How many times did you hit her?" asks the policeman.

"I don't know," the man answers. "Five...six...Put me down for a five."

:D

A policeman patrolling Lover's Lane one night drives by a car with the dome light on. Inside is a young man in the driver's seat reading a sports magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. The cop walks up to the driver's window and knocks. The young man looks up, opens the window and says, "Yes, Officer?"

"What are you doing?" the policeman asks.

"I'm reading this magazine," the young man answers.

The cop points towards the young lady in the back seat and asks, "And what is she doing?"

The young man looks over his shoulder and replies, "She's just knitting."

Curious, the officer asks the young man, "How old are you?"

"I'm 19," he replies.

"And how old is she?" asks the officer.

The young man looks at his watch and says, "Well, in about twelve minutes, she'll be 18."

:D

A man is pulled over for speeding. The cop asks him, "Did you know you were going 70 in a 55 mile-per-hour zone?"

"No sir," replies the driver. "My speedometer said I was going 60."

The man's wife, in the passenger's seat, chimes in, "Oh Frank, you were actually going 80." The man gives her a dirty look.

The cop adds, "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."

"Broken tail light?" exclaims the man. "I didn't know about a broken tail light!"

His wife again butts in, "Oh Frank, you've known about that tail light for weeks!"

Frank gives her a dirty look.

"And I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt," says the cop.

"I just took it off when you were walking up to the car!" Frank protests.

His wife adds, "Oh Frank, you never wear your seat belt!"

Infuriated, Frank turns and yells at his wife, "Shut your mouth, woman!"

The cop asks the woman, "Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?"

"No," she explains. "Only when he's drunk."

:D

And one of my favourite short funny quotes:

"I want to die quietly in my sleep like my Grandpa; not kicking and screaming like the passengers on his bus!"

:p
[Off-topic] trell959:
Here's one.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 365 days year?

A widow.
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
^^^

Didn't got the last one but most of it are unbelievably funny. xD
[Off-topic] trell959:
A widow is when a couple is married but the husband dies. And the women left alone is called a widow. The joke is that the widow knows where her husband is because he is burried in a cemetery
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
Oh thanks for that, English is not my main language so I don't get jokes in English sometimes. :D
[Off-topic] trell959:
glad to help! :)
[Off-topic] solarpolitiks:
How do you make a baby cry?

Throw a brick at its face
[Off-topic] josephnero:
Lol. Lame
[Off-topic] josephnero:
Lmao. Awesome
[Off-topic] NightHawk877:
How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?

3. One to change the bulb and two to tell him/her how much better THEY could have done it.
[Off-topic] solarpolitiks:
Make up your mind man haha
[Off-topic] gobblenutz:
The WMBA? :p
[Off-topic] :
Modern Day tragedy

" THe dumbest of the dumbest people are with the smartest of the smartest phone" Self-made hum our!
[Off-topic] :
The little boy was sitting on a park bench munching on one chocolate bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all those chocolates isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat.'

The boy replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 chocolate bars at a time?'

The little boy answered, 'No, he minded his own damn business!'
[Off-topic] :
One night, Banta was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Banta and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Banta put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.

The thief then went through Banta's pockets and searched him, All the thief could find on Banta was 25 cents.

The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Banta why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.

"Was that all you wanted?" Banta replied, "I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in me shoe!"
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
Lol stupid
[Off-topic] NightHawk877:
How many software engineers does it take to change a bulb?

It's a hardware problem so none.
[Off-topic] Heckcat:
How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh, just one... he holds the bulb up to the empty socket and waits for the world to revolve around him.

:)
[Off-topic] sakai4eva:
If you laid a blue whale across one end of the football field to the other end, the game will get cancelled.
[Off-topic] FroYoDroid:
Lol like 90% of these are really funny...

Sent via Tapatalk with my HTC Evo 3D... Android ftmfw!
[Off-topic] sakai4eva:
Then show your appreciation by clicking thanks.
[Off-topic] FroYoDroid:
Can't from tapatalk... I'll have to go thru this thread later on the desktop.

Sent via Tapatalk with my HTC Evo 3D... Android ftmfw!
[Off-topic] xaccers:
If you stood all the smokers in a line around the world, 2/3 would drown.
[Off-topic] Dirk:
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He says you’re gonna die."
[Off-topic] kramstarr:
Two turds are sitting on a tree smoking a joint.

A diarrhea passes and asks: hey guys can i take a puff?

the turds answer: sorry thats just for tough guys

---------- Post added at 03:25 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:54 PM ----------

what is white and jumps from branch to branch?

a doctor at tick vaccination

i hope the jokes work when i translate them :)
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
Why is yoda green? Because he has a green d!ck.
[Off-topic] cmckee.cna:
Blonde jokes

How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer:

The joystick is wet.

There is white-out on the screen.

How can you tell if a blonde has STILL been using the computer:

There is writing on the white-out.

============

Two blondes are walking in the forest and they come upon some tracks. The first blonde says "oh, look. Bunny tracks!" The second blonde says "No, those are deer tracks!"

They were still arguing about it when the train hit them.

============

3-in-1 joke

So a blonde decides to go down to disneyland. On her way down, she sees a sign that reads "Clean bathrooms for next 25 miles." Pissed that she had to clean the bathrooms for the last 25 miles, she ends up speeding and gets pulled over. The cop (another blonde) walks up to her window and asks for some identification. After a few minutes of digging around her purse, the blonde pulls out her compact mirror and looks at her self in it. She hands the cop the compact and the cop replies "Oh, I didnt know you were a cop too!" and lets her go. The blonde finally gets close to disneyland and notices a sign that says "Disneyland Left." So she went back home.

---------- Post added at 03:08 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:57 PM ----------

Ted had leprosy and just turned 21 and wanted to go out drinking. So ted walked down to the local tavern and sat at the bar. Ted flagged down the bartender and asked if it was ok if he was there, with his leprosy and all. The bartender said that it was fine and that it was his right to drink. Ted asked for a beer and the bartender poured his beer then puked behind the bar, and handed Ted his beer. Ted was a little weirded out by it, but said nothing and sipped his beer. After a while, Ted had finished his beer and flagged down the bartender to ask for another beer. Again, bartender pours his beer, pukes behind the counter and hands Ted his beer. Ted gets up and says "Look, i'm grossing you out, so i'm just gunna pay for my beer and leave." Bartender says "No, no, its ok....infact the first one and this one are on the house. Dont worry about it." Ted sits back down and sips his beer. Again, after a while Ted finishes his beer and flags down the bartender; and again the same thing, the bartender pours his beer, pukes behind the counter, then hands Ted his beer. Ted again gets up in protest and says "Look man thats the 3rd time i've made you puke back there. I'm just gunna pay for my beers and get out of here. Thank you" Bartender says "No, no, no its fine, its not you, its not you......

Its the guy dipping his chips into your shoulder...
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
That's disgusting....
[Off-topic] spamslit:
Why are women like clouds?

Because if they ever f**ked off it would be a lovely day
[Off-topic] NightHawk877:
What's worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?

A centipede with sore feet.

What is a grasshopper's favorite sport?

Cricket
[Off-topic] MikuSE610:
Me : Dad I'm hungry.

Dad : Hi hungry. I'm Dad.

Me : I'm serious dad.

Dad : I thought you were hungry.

*pwned*
[Off-topic] Dirk:
A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's a woman. "I'll give it a try," she says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
[Off-topic] kramstarr:
Two scrambled eggs come together

says the one to the other: man i'm kinda confused
[Off-topic] xaccers:
Every year we destroy an area of the rain forest the size of Belgium.

Why don't we just destroy Belgium instead?
[Off-topic] xaccers:
Paddys wife gave birth to triplets.

''How in Gods name did that happen?" says Paddy.

His wife replies, ''Remember that night I was very dry and we had no vaseline, so I used 3 in 1 oil?''

''Bejaysus," says Paddy, "I'm feckin glad we didn't use WD40"

Paddy Says, "Im thinking of Divorcing the Wife... She hasnt spoken to me in 4 Months."

Mick Replies, "You best think it over very carefully Pat, Women like that are fecking' Hard to find."

Spare a thought for Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair.

Arriving in a hotel in Dublin , he went to the bar and asked for a pint of draught Guinness.

The barman nodded and said, "That will be one Euro please, Mr. O’Leary."

Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That’s a very competitive price," and handed over his money.

"Will you be wanting a glass with that?" enquired the barman...
[Off-topic] dexter93:
Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuump :D

...aes eht rednu

peed morf tneS
[Off-topic] Xhyperion:
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing it just waved.
[Off-topic] Dirk:
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

"I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead".

"I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future".
[Off-topic] Archer:
My wife said to me yesterday, "Stop making up jokes that don't have any punchlines."