yashsingh1/xdaforums huggingface dataset:
[Off-topic] :
Student-Teacher Exchanges

1. TEACHER: Why are you late?

WEBSTER: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

2. TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication On the floor?

CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

3. TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"

JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

JOHN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

4. TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

5. TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: George!

6. TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years

ago.

WILLIE: Me!

7. TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

8. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."

ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."

ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

9. TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

10. TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also

admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."
[Off-topic] :
Real quotes by dumb lawyers!

Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person

dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes

quietly away and doesn't know anything about it

until the next morning?

2. Q: What heppened then?

A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because

you can identify me.'

Q: Did he kill you?

3. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

4. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

5. Were you alone or by yourself?

6. How long have you been a French Canadian?

7. Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

8. Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize

that picture.

A: That's me.

Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

9. Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

10. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage

terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

11. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

A: I'll be three months on November 8.

Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?

A: Yes.

Q: What were you doing at that time?
[Off-topic] xaccers:
Not sure if the rumours are true of the merger between You Tube, Twitter and Facebook into... YouTwitFace
[Off-topic] MacaronyMax:
Old joke is old ;)

The new one is Twitter , Facebook, YouTube and google + are being joined, called YouTwitFace+ :p:(
[Off-topic] xaccers:
Meh, mine was lamer than yours :D
[Off-topic] MacaronyMax:
:p:p:p:p

10Char
[Off-topic] PhxkinMassacre:
Whats a trees favorite drink?

A:Root beer
[Off-topic] Hixman:
Haha! I like this one
[Off-topic] :
Lmao. Best one here.

Sugar, Spice, and everything Nice!!!
[Off-topic] Khaaaan:
Simple.......

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

Poop.
[Off-topic] mrrick:
Not cool

*insert sig here*
[Off-topic] McLabia:
What do you get if you feed an elephant saw dust?

.

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..

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Presto Logs!
[Off-topic] MacaronyMax:
I didn't get it :( someone explain? :b
[Off-topic] sakai4eva:
It's supposed to be a snide remark on how certain ethnic group stereotypes can never provide basic necessities for their family. The way I see it, there's a tendency for ANY group to do it.
[Off-topic] MacaronyMax:
Ahhhh , Thanks & Thanked:)
[Off-topic] Kakerlake65:
What did the ghost say to the wall?

Hey just passing through.
[Off-topic] Finland_2_Cupertino:
Yea just a little. Just a joke, not my actual opinion.

Sent from my HTC Sensation 4G
[Off-topic] pasangamage:
LOL

hahah !! this is awesomeeeeee :D :D :D
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
Bump! Add more jokes!
[Off-topic] dexter93:
What did one wall say to the other?

Meet you in the corner!!

...aes eht rednu

peed morf tneS
[Off-topic] nikzDHD:
I'd 8-2 be an Arsenal fan right now.

I'd 8-2 to break it to Arsenal fans but you won't be winning the title this season.
[Off-topic] jaszek:
hahahhahahahhahahahahhaha
[Off-topic] MacaronyMax:
Lmao XD nice one : D
[Off-topic] sakai4eva:
I'd 8-2 be in ARSEne Wenger's shoes as he tries to bring ARSEnal back to recovery.
[Off-topic] Montoyatok:
Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahah
[Off-topic] NightHawk877:
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef
[Off-topic] McLabia:
The new England Patriots and the new york jets!

Sent from my rooted, Dark Horse INFECTED Synergy bolt running Ziggys latest.
[Off-topic] heathenlife:
"I pity the flu.."

- Mr T-Cell
[Off-topic] solarpolitiks:
A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender asks the horse, "Why the long face?'

The horse replies, "My wife is dead."
[Off-topic] sakai4eva:
@DirkGently1:

F. U.
[Off-topic] dualbore:
brilliant. great story! :-D
[Off-topic] Dirk:
You didn't like it...?
[Off-topic] sakai4eva:
I loved it. I clicked thanks :D
[Off-topic] Montoyatok:
wat a long story for a joke, man that took half an hour
[Off-topic] idavid_:
I read somewhere that this is the longest joke. And I read the whole thing!

Swyped from my HTC Sensation
[Off-topic] Prodigy:
lol

lololol 10 char
[Off-topic] cdesai:
Too long

And i read it all

On phone
[Off-topic] :
Indeed, but it was a good read :)

-The original xda app is better than the pro, my more frequent spamming is proof-
[Off-topic] Dirk:
Sucks you in doesn't it?

You get so far through, thinking to yourself that there can't be much longer left, but you're committed to finishing otherwise you've wasted the time it's already taken!

My work here is done. :D
[Off-topic] monstermm:
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

*building suspense*

In case he gets a hole in one.
[Off-topic] mrrick:
Spent my entire 'lunch' break (3rd shift) this morning reading that story/joke. I completely ignored 2calls and 1text. And I'm ok with that. Bravo sir.

*insert sig here*
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
.....

(Mr. Bean made you laugh without saying a thing)
[Off-topic] :
Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in. The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you land with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."
[Off-topic] :
A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this."

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan..."
[Off-topic] :
One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV".

He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".

The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens.

Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses.

She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?".

He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave."
[Off-topic] :
3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven".

The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.

The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I stilll love her." He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.

The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife alot". He gets a scooter.

Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.

He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".
[Off-topic] :
The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"****" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.
[Off-topic] :
One day a blonde was driving down the highway when she saw another blonde on the side of the road trying to row in a boat. The blonde pulled over and said "You know it's people like you that give us blondes a bad name, if I knew how to swim I'd come out there and kick your ass".
[Off-topic] :
A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
[Off-topic] dmcduck:
How Boobs got their name:
[Off-topic] :
lmfao

Free Dirk!!!
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
I laugh so hard when I read this.
[Off-topic] :
LMFAO

Free Dirk!!!
[Off-topic] GamerJake0:
There was a blonde, burnette and a redhead on their way to heaven. God told them they need to climb 1000 steps without laughing at any of gods jokes to successfully pass gods test. At the 100th step, the burnette burst out laughing and was sent straight to hell. At the 700th step the redhead burst out laughing and was sent straight to hell. Then god turned to the blonde and continued to tell her jokes, she did not laugh, she kept walking up the steps until the 999th step! God was in the middle of saying CONGRAT- The blonde burst out laughing! God asked her, why did you laugh!? She replied, " I just got the first joke!" God waved his hand and she was sent straight to hell.
[Off-topic] nionik:
ha ha ha LOL....

thats very good!
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
HAHAHAHA! This is funny!
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
@DirkGently

I can't believe I read that for 30 minutes.
[Off-topic] NightHawk877:
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick
[Off-topic] josephnero:
lmao:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d:d
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
Damn I just read that long joke again. How the story was told was just too epic I think it deserves it's own thread.
[Off-topic] marksnet:
that was good
[Off-topic] Dirk:
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.

After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.

‘But why,’ they asked, as they moved off.

‘Because,’ he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.’
[Off-topic] dualbore:
Hilarious. Freakin' hilarious. :D
[Off-topic] Dirk:
I think you deserve a medal! (Or counselling, quite possibly) :D

Credit goes to the original author, whomever they may be.
[Off-topic] idavid_:
You could make a movie from that joke because it's so long! And the joke is epic :D

Swyped from my HTC Sensation
[Off-topic] :
@DirkGently1 LMFAO I never laughed at a joke so hard. All of that for 1 **** quote.

Free Dirk!!!
[Off-topic] El Mariach1:
A captain of his ship was sailing the seas one afternoon, when suddenly over the horizon a pirate ship was seen. The captain yells "Everyone prepare for battle, and hand me my red jacket." To which one of the crew members complied and handed him his jacket which he put on. The battle ended victoriously for the ship and his captain and they continued on in their voyage. Later, they again spotted pirates, this time two ships were a approaching. "Men, we must go to battle again! Someone get me my red jacket!" And a crew member brought the jacket and the captain put it on. After a fierce war, and a truly stunning effort of the ships crew, the pirates were defeated. Noticing a trend, one of the ships crew members approaches the captain, "Why is it every time we go to war with another ship, you request to wear your red jacket?" To which the captain replies, "Well, if for some reason I should be injured and bleed, the red jacket will not show my wounds and thus the crew will not be alarmed and worried of my condition." The crew member agrees that this is a good strategy and continues with his work. Later that day over the horizon, a massive fleet of pirate ships, 10 in all, come over the horizon. The nervous crew looks up at the captain and he yells "Everyone prepare for battle, and hand me my brown pants!"
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
yeah, the one who made that is a genius.
[Off-topic] Dirk:
Man walks into a Doctors office, "Doctor, I'm addicted to Twitter". Doctor replies, "Sorry, I'm not following you."

Q) Who's the Coolest guy in the hospital? A) The UltraSound guy.

Q) Who covers for him when he's on holiday? A) The hip replacement guy.

New Lords prayer:

Our father, who art in prison, only mum know's his name, thy riots come, read it in the Sun, in Birmingham, as it is in London, give us this day our welfare bread & forgive us our looting, as we're happy to loot those who defend stuff against us, lead us not into employment, but deliver us free housing, for thine is the spliff, the blackberry & the lager, forever & ever ........

I spent several hours at my wifes grave this morning. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond!
[Off-topic] 4silvertooth:
Once there was a boy and a mom, the mom

had to go shopping and told the boy, Max

Lors, to stay out of trouble. He nodded and

Mrs. Lors left.

There was a phone call so Max picked it up.

"I am the man with the bloody finger," said

a deep voice on the other end, "I am 2

blocks from your house. Max was scared

and hid in his room.

Then there was another phone call and

Max picked it up.

"I am the man with the bloody finger," said

a deep voice on the other end, "I am 1

block from your house. Max was scared

and called the police.

Then there was another phone call and

Max picked it up.

"I am the man with the bloody finger," said

a deep voice on the other end, "I am 2

doors down from your house. Max was

scared and hid under his bed

There was a knock on the door, Max

thought it must be the police, so he

answered the door.

"I am the man with the bloody finger," said

a deep voice on the other end, "may I

please have a band-aid?"
[Off-topic] B!0HaZard:
So, a jew, a nun and an American walk into a bar. I forgot the rest of the joke, but your mom is fat.
[Off-topic] Archer:
Errrr..... okaaaay.

(uncomfortable silence)
[Off-topic] watt9493:
Hahahaha

Please lengthen your message to at least 10 charters
[Off-topic] terminal13:
How do you get a fat chick in bed?.......piece of cake.

DSX
[Off-topic] Dirk:
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good)

…..

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
[Off-topic] Archer:
Actual lol. Not just a typed one.
[Off-topic] dmcduck:
Did you hear about the guy wanted to have his root canal without novacaine? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
[Off-topic] xaccers:
Fixed for you
[Off-topic] Dirk:
Some of these jokes are far too good for a 'Lame joke' thread, including that one! I suggest a re-name of the thread title to 'Awesome/Lame or Otherwise Joke Thread'.
[Off-topic] dmcduck:
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you.. I want a divorce right away!"

And the husband replied, "Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

"Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

"Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

"I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

"I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same."

The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'"
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
Exactly! Most of the joke here are the best ones I've read in a while. Well the best of course is the one about nate. Lul
[Off-topic] santibrc:
Two fat womens walking and one says to the other:

-Hmm, it smells like burning hair.

-Oh! then better we walk slowly.

:E
[Off-topic] :
If this is about the rubbing of the thighs heating up her pubic hair, then your just nasty lol

Free Dirk!!!
[Off-topic] dmcduck:
A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor the doctor asked the couple, "I have invented a new machine that you might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father." So the married couple decided that they would try this. So the doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father and the husband said "I feel okay turn it up a lot more" so the doctor turned it up to 50% and the husband said "why don`t you just put it all on me cause I`m not feeling a thing" but the doctor warned them "this much could kill you if your not prepared", and the husband replied "I am ready "so the doctor turned the machine up to 100% but the husband didn`t fell a thing so they went home happy with a pain free labor, but when they got home the mailman was dead on the front porch!
[Off-topic] Archer:
What time did Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish.
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
LMFAO!!!!!
[Off-topic] jaszek:
A lady goes to a priest with a problem.

L: Father, I have a problem, I have two female parrots and they keep saying "Hi we are whores, wanna play?"

P: That is a big problem. Listen, I have two male parrots, and they are like saints, they read the bible, and pray with me. You should bring your parrots over to mine and maybe my parrots will teach your parrots not to say such bad things.

So the lady listened to the priest, and came over with her parrots. They put all four parrots in the same cage and waited.

The female parrots say "Hi we are whores, wanna play?"

One of the male parrots raises it's head, nudges the other male parrot and says:

"Dude, close the bible, our prayers have been answered."
[Off-topic] sakai4eva:
Without nipples... breasts would be pointless

Panties might not be the best thing ever, but it's probably right next to it.
[Off-topic] iynfynity:
HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
[Off-topic] Pruikki:
beest joke evar!!! Makes sense!!! Hahahaahaa
[Defy Themes and Apps] UEman:
Can someone post the notice-widget from stock froyo, please? I realy liked it and it's not in CM7 included.

Thanks.
[GT540 Optimus General] thomas1991_12:
Hello,

Ive done some HTC roots and custom firmwares and just have a few questions about the lg gt540.

1. Rooting :

h**p://android.modaco.com/topic/310737-how-to-root-your-lg-gt540/

Is that the best way? (EDIT: hmm guess that doesnt work for 2.1+..)

2. Clockwork :

Can i just install rom manager and let rom manager flash clockwork?

Thanks in advance and im sorry if these questions were asked before.
[GT540 Optimus General] jhonnyx1000:
Permissions

You need root privileges for flashing the Recovery ROM. You can try z4root instead: It worked brilliantly on mine. Attachment included:
[GT540 Optimus General] thomas1991_12:
Thanks. I will try that when i get the phone, I hope friday :)

But when its rooted i can just install rom manager and let it flash the recovery rom it recommends (just like htc phones)? Or do I need specific versions or something?

BTW: Is it HOME+Power on lg gt540 for recovery or something else?
[GT540 Optimus General] -Grift-:
rommangaer does not support gt540
[GT540 Optimus General] thomas1991_12:
okay... how do i flash it then? I read something about fastboot..