[T-Mobile LG G2x] aironeous:
I'm so disappointed in this phone. I thought it was going be so much more. Here is my list of complaints.

1) It should have came with a toothbrush attachment so I can stick it on vibrate and brush my teeth with it.

2) There's no laser pointer, dog whistle, breathalyzer or pico projector in it. Those LG engineers are stingy.

3) It should have had a knife attachment so I can put it on vibrate and cut chicken with it.

4) It should have came with an etching attachment so I could etch nasty comments on the back of my friends Iphones.

5) When I say, "wonderphone powers activate" and slam it down on the table and say, "take the form of a dildo" it should just do it.

6) It should have came with a case................of beer.

7) Since it was released in stores on 4/20 it should have came with a big fat joint so we could be high as ****e while playing Nova on hdmi out and fantasizing about that android chick.

8) It should have a wallpaper of it eating iphones.

9) Since it's the alpha phone from the alpha quadrant it should know how to "fake it till you make it" and it should trick us into believing it's running honeycomb.

10) When my girlfriend calls it should splash random excuses and lies on the screen in case she asks what was I doing and why didn't I answer the phone.

11) When my car alarm goes off it should go off too and flash, "someones stealing your car" on the screen.

12) It should have fart noise cancellation - the anti "fart app" app so if I fart nobody knows it's me.

13) It should give sass to keep things interesting depending on how much sassiness I choose from the settings menu - no sass, sassy, extra sassy and super sassy.

If I choose super sassy I should get an audio confirmation from Mike meyers.

Example ME: "Phone, google search g2x review." Phone: "Say please."

14) It should have a set of wings and propellers accessory so I can just slip them on and tell it to go fly to a gps coordinate and come back with footage or I could just say, "find Mary, go boy!"

15) It should respond to me like the computers in star trek and address me as sir or mister.

16) It should slide up and down on my johnson while vibrating and playing an animation of my favorite playboy bunny - slding up and down on my Johnson.

17) It should double as a coaster. I've tried but it just gets moisture in it and then won't come back on. I've went through 3 already.

18) I should be able to scan a sandwhich and have it tell me how much calories it has.

19) It won't scan for life signs I tried.

20) It should have echo location and warn me when I'm drunk and walking at night if a cop car is coming or I'm going to bump into something.

21) When I'm spending special time with my girlfriend it should use the accelerometer to measure my thrust strength and count and compare it to a national database of males to see how I'm doing and it should filter out lesbians with strapons that will try to bloat the figures on purpose to hurt our egos.

22) It should have came with a kickstand ............. for my bike. It's a decent bike with monkey lights and bike speakers and I'm tired of laying it on the ground.

23) The battery should be from Chino not China, Chino not China, Chino...!! I don't know how old these batteries are and lithiums lose capacity right after they are made whether they get used or not.

24) You're killing me with the task managers froyo! Just end and kill the task when I exit it and let me exit it holy crap!

Wait a second, I didn't type that right because I'm doing 7 things at once.

25) It should taste good when I lick it

26) It should be made out of liquidmetal so it's indestructible http://www.liquidmetal.com/index/default.asp

unless you leave it on top of a very hot oven.

27) When I toss it in the air with a flip to catch it again it should say, "Weeeeeeeee."

28) it should come with an attachment that lets me use it to play spin the bottle and a cheating app that lets me make it point to the girl that I want.

29) Where is the zipbuds?

http://www.amazon.com/Zipbuds-DGA-T...LVS/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1303504291&sr=8-3?

geez

30) When I root it I should see Kunta Kinte on the screen http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Roots_25th_Anniversary_Edition.jpg

31) None of the compass apps lead me to hookers and blow