Bruce

Bruce was an intellectual gaint. He towered above people with a potence that was amazing. He was was tall and stooped. Although he had the endurance and body of an athlete, some people described him as slouchy. I have always felt that his posture rather symbolized some chained power ready to break bond-age any moment.

He would enter a room and the affect was ###### startling ! It was as though a glass of champaigne had been set before you. It sparkled and bubbled in a teasing fashion. You sipped at first with hesitancy. Then it seemed to pour through your veins until it slowly over came you. Each impression of Bruce becomes more vivid and more scintillating yet tends to make the former stand out rather than recede. You never tire of Bruce because his exhilaration is more than just emotion. It is much deeper and more ###### stirring. Yes, Bruce is a gaint among men.

The most overwhelming thing about him, though is his voice. When Bruce speaks people listen. In fact one becomes intoxicated with deep musical words. They swell and recede like a violin as it flows into a vast hall. In his presence own feels as a little child awed before something great, not knowing what its greatness is. But that voice of his - I keep coming back to it as it comes back long after it has been silenced. It laughs with a joy that makes one almost weep. It laughs with life in its most serious moments as does a cold fresh stream that runs lightly through the mighty forest.

Bruce makes people into what life wants them to be. He takes from them their twisted ideals and sets them up anew in an even more idealistic manner. One often feels that he is a foreign agent who has never possessed all our struggles and trials. And yet he is complete to us only because he has lived each of them so far more intensely than have we.

Some day the world will know Bruce ! His life has affected too many other lives not to make him great. Like a foreign agent he will slip from us, but his impression will only become more vivid as time goes on.
This is my tribute to my God -

I am of Man ---

I am an exquisite piece of brittle spun glass. I am still
soft from the heat of the furnace, and I bend easily like a sun
flower before the low hard driving rain. When the wind does not
blow too strongly I stand upright, a tall glinting spire. But soon
the rain and the wind of life will make me still more brittle.

Perhaps my shape will be twisted and distorted. Perhaps I will
remain a frozen drop of poison. In either case I will grow harder
and harder.

In the furnace they made me out of many colored glasses. I
have twisted and been twisted so that now I am an opaque bit of
rainbow. I can see you from my opaqueness, yet to you I am blurred
and twisted and distorted. But you do not know the furnace when e
they made me. How intense that fire was ! So intense that I am
brittle and yet still pliable. I was burnt hard and melted soft.
Now I am a fragile toy in the hands of life.

Each day I strive to escape my transparent prison walls. Al-
ways I see what I want just before me and just beyond my reach.
Like a finite being I struggle to attain the infinite.

But still I am an exquisite piece of glass. Although you
cannot see, I may pierce your very heart from the folds of your
tunic. Or I may melt from a frozen drop of poison into a liquid
drop of hemlock. Life makes me this way.

And life has made you that way. But you do not know how
brittle you are. And you, too, can see from your opaqueness
although I cannot see you. Why must you and I live in brittle
pieces of glass ? Could passion's fire ever melt us into one
entwining bit of glass ? I am growing cold behind my transparent
wall. I am dying for want of life, and yet to you I am still
cold and opaque.

There will come a day when I will measure my spire against
those of the world. And yet that is not just. I have dreams far
higher, than the highest spire. My glass house is killing my
dreams. Some day life is going to drop you and me. We will fall
quickly. And you and I will crash into a thousand splinters.
No, a thousand splinters and one. For then shall I see you and you
shall see me. Are you afraid to let go and drop ? When all the
world has fallen down around us, will you dare to open your eyes
and look ? Oh, precious fleeting moment of all life, shall I
deprive myself ?

Then He will gather all the broken bits of glass together and
gently put us back into the furnace. But He will have mixed us
in an entwining fashion. And when you and I come out of the furnace
of heat, we will be two apart and yet one together.
I am of man - - - - -

Oconomowoc

May 14, 1935

Dear Jean-

I am so glad to hear that you are about to head westward! I am anxious to see you for several reasons. Also let me thank you now for your cooperation in regards to the Harvard scholarship. I had meant to write you that I had included your name as a reference but have been so occupied in preparation for the state and National forensic tournaments that I didn't get around to it.

I won the state title in extempore speaking and second in original oratory. I have just returned from the national tournament that was held in Ohio last week. Sick and very discouraged. My new oration, better than last year's, failed to survive even to the quarter finals. And to top that disappointment, after having won the national semi-finals in extemp with unanimous firsts I proceeded to draw a topic entitled "The significance of the Hauptmann trial upon the annals of Am. criminal law". I could not get around to the law part of it in the given amount of time although my speaking and ease were excellent, and was forced to take last in the finals against everyone that I had beaten the day before. I suppose I needed the shock or something. It is so hard to lose. I am not afraid of losing but I am afraid of being called a loser.

I must cure myself of this fear of being called a loser. After all losing and winning are only terms. That is so easy to say but so hard to actually realize. It is events like these that shake me so. To climax that I have been in bed three days with a cold and feel very despondent. I sense somehow that things in life are shaping themselves into a definite climax to come in the near future. I sense that what I do in the next year will determine which way my life shall be directed. That is why I am anxious to see you and talk with you.

Dad says that when one tells you something he may be assured that it is a trust. I am. Three problems are confronting me. One is Dad. The second is that I am in love. And the third is that my ideals needs resetting. Can you help me with any of these? Dad and I cant seem to come to an understanding of each other. I resist him and he resents it. He senses the barrier that exists between us and tries to break it down. The more he tries the more immense it becomes in my mind. He tells me that it is something that is definitely my problem. I realize that, but he will not grant me the privilege to work it out in my own way. We have never understood each other and I have always feared and disliked him. The more he tries to force the issue the more inclined I am to hate him! I feel that if he would let me work it out myself and let our exterior

JEAN TOOMER COLLECTION

JEAN TOOMER COLLECTION

39 W 10

NYC Nov 8

35

Dear Gordon,

This last letter of yours is one of the best if not the best I've had from you. It is well written, and the contents are very interesting. Naturally I'm much interested in what you are discovering at the university, both the favorable and the unfavorable.

Thus far, of course, there hasn't been enough time for a fair test as to what the university has for you and you for it. To one who is really interested in learning something, the first year is likely to be the dullest. After that, you begin to get into it more, have better instructors, more interesting courses, more freedom of choice, etc. The main thing is to be sincere with yourself and use a critical mind on what happens and on what doesn't happen. As you go along, you will inevitably store up impressions both for and against. Weigh both sides. Consider what you are actually getting. Also consider what it is possible for you to get. Go out of your way to discover what the university may have in store for you. Work over all these matters as impartially as you can, so that when you make your decision you will feel sure that you've made the best possible decision.

Generally speaking, there is much that a young man can get in college, particularly if he is interested in science or literature. You can acquire facts, data, and habits of work that will be of great use to you in later years. On the other hand, there is much that a young man of today can get out of college. Should you finally decide to stop college, I can suggest several lines of work and effort for you. But don't make such a decision until you are sure in yourself that you've given college the best possible trial under the circumstances. Other things being equal, I'd strongly advise that you at least finish this first semester with the highest possible standing in your studies. There are many reasons why I give this advice.

As to your career, as to your function in life - there is one thing you can do best. It takes time, and much experience, and no little suffering, to discover exactly what this thing is. Last year you may have told yourself one thing. This year you may tell yourself another thing. A year from now you may reformulate your desires and your aim. These changes of definition are disquieting and upsetting. They seem to undo all you've done, they seem to tear down all you've built, they seem to cut you loose and set you adrift - and they do, to some extent. But through it all you must remember this. That a man only finds himself through trial and error; that if your trials are sincere, if your efforts are serious, if you learn from your mistakes, then all you pass through will serve to temper you, XUNXUOFI to

JEAN TOOMER COLLECTIC
2

refine you (as ore-rock must be refined in order to get
the pure metal). See your life as a voyage of discovery.
This phase at the university is one phase of it. What
you experience in connection with the so-called communists
and reformers is part of this phase. All of it is to the
good - provided that you yourself and your ideals survive
whatever you are subjected to. Experince it all without
fear. Do not lose yourself. Let your ideas of your career
change, if they must. But you yourself keep moving toward
your ideals. In time, you will find the right way and the
best possible way of realizing them. A human being can
stand and withstand all sorts and kinds of external
upsets and reverses, provided that his inner world remains
intact.

A person who is something in himself, a person who
is a person, a man who is a man - such a one inevitably
finds his place and function in life; though he may have
to go through hell in order to do it.

It does sometimes happen that a young man falls in
love with a girl or woman older than himself. There is
much to be gained from such a relationship, provided that
both parties realize that both are human beings, and that,
as human beings, both of them are going through the human
experience with the possibility of mutual help, mutual
growth, mutual enrichment. If the relationship is deep
and fine, then it has a spiritual significance - and the
difference of age is unimportant. Indeed "age", as we think
of it in terms of the age of the body, has little or nothing
to do with the world of the spirit. A youth of twenty may
be spiritually older, that is, more mature spiritually,
than a man of fifty. On the spiritual plane, it is purely
and simply a question of what you mean to each other. On
the physical plane, however, difference of age does often
count. Generally speaking, it is desirable for the man
to be as old, preferably older than the woman. The man
desires to have and should have greater experience, greater
maturity, more strength and solidity, etc. Also, the woman
wants the man to have greater experience. To use a familiar
phrase, she wants to "look up to him". She wants to feel
that he is able, responsible, resourceful. However - there
are known to be quite fine marriages between a younger man
and an older woman - even though they are not general.
All of this, however, is in general. Yours is a particular
case. It is individual. I'd have to see and know the two
individs concerned. I'd have to see you and her together.
Then I could say something more definite. But I can, even
more from this distance, say this. Don't be afraid of it.
Don't doubt it. Be intelligently critical, yes. But don't
be negative. Let it work out. Taste and have the fineness
of it. And try to have it such that it does not throw you
into conflict, so that it does not distract and disperse
you. Love should integrate you, empower you. Love should
bring peace and quiet as well as joy and ecstacy. It should
make the man want to be a man. It should make the woman
want to be a woman. It should make both the man and the
woman want to build a life together, and contribute to the
human world the best that is in them.

JEAN TOOMER COLLECTION

3

You ask me, "What should I strive for now?"
Two things. As long as you are in the university, try
your best to do the best you can in it. This is one
thing. The other thing. Try to acquaint yourself with what
is happening in the world. Many fine books are coming out.
Books on the economic situation, novels, autobiographies,
etc. Some of them you may be able to get at the university
library. Some you can get at a lending library for 25 cents
a week. There are one or two or more, which, as I finish
reading, I'll send on to you. And, there is still a writing
third thing. Keep on with your writing. Why not keep a
sort of diary or journal? Put down in it your impressions,
thoughts, affirmations and criticisms of (1) your
experiences at the university, (2) your thoughts and feelings
about yourself, your life, your problems, your discoveries,
your disillusions, your desires and ideals. This would be
a very worthwhile thing to do - worthwhile in itself, and,
besides, it will give you excellent exercise in writing
and formulation. Whatever your career, I have a feeling
that you will use words, spoken or written or both. So
whatever you do now in line with gaining a mastery of
words, will be in line with your real goal. In time I'll
be able to suggest other things.

Yes, your Father and Tockie were here several weeks
and had a fine time, as we did, having them here. Indeed
they became as part of the family. Now, I suppose, they
are back again at the cottage. They left a week ago today.
As yet we haven't heard from them from Portage.

Let me see that piece you've written.

JEAN TOOMER COLLECTION
FISK UNIVERSITY ARCHIVES

39 West 1oth St

NYC Dec 4 35

Dear Gordon,

The questions you ask about sex are certainly among the most perplexing questions which a young man or a young woman encounters. In general I may say this. There are, as we may say, two kinds of morality, social morality and personal morality. There are also social immorality and personal immorality. And, social unmorality and personal unmorality. In periods when the social fabric is intact, there is a definite social morality - and usually, in such periods, personal morality is the same as, or similar to, social morality. When, however, the social fabric becomes broken, as it is today, then there may and most often does occur a break between social behavior and individual behavior: a group may behave one way, while an individual behaves another. In times of break-up and chaos, such as we have now, the individual is thrown back upon himself, and must look to himself - his deep feelings and values - for standards of conduct. (Of course, the great individuals do just this in all ages.) The loose morals you see in some of the students are, in all probability, not signs of immorality, but simply signs of unmorality. They are _unmoral_ - for the simple reason that there are no strong external = that is, social - codes of conduct, and the young people in question have failed to build up strong personal codes. America, and the world as a whole, is waiting for the new morality. The old codes are either broken or useless or dead. In the absence of external codes, many people, young and old, sort of break lose and behave in any way - behave, as they say, "as we want". This is but a transitional phase. True, some of those who are now unmoral may actually degenerate and in time become truly immoral. But I dare say that the majority of them, helped by the new forces that are coming into life, will outgrow their present waywardness and become moral in a new way.

For yourself personally, I may say this. Find out what your deepest instincts say, find out what your real feelings say - and act accordingly, no matter what anyone else says.

And now to answer your questions one by one.

Sex is not and should not be misused for amusement. It is the most important force of life, and should be so regarded and so treated. Its ideal manifestation occurs when the two people love each other and want children. On the other hand, it must be kept in mind, that we are not and cannot always be ideal. What we can always be is to be _clean_. There is clean and unclean sex. It would take may pages to tell the difference between the two - I mean, I could write many pages on the subject. But think over it - and you'll understand what I mean. Be honest and sincere and clean - and you won't go wrong.

Marriage should occur between two people when they are ripe and ready to marry. This time of ripeness and readiness, among people of our civilization, usually comes about before the young people in question are practically able to marry. The necessities of education and of earning a living most often defer marriage for a number of years after the organically right time. Our grandfathers and grandmothers married early. We of the modern world frequently cannot marry early, owing to the practical demands made upon us by modern society. Strictly speaking, the time

JEAN TOOMER COLLECTION

for marriage is when mature sexually, that is, when our bodies come of age and feel strong sex desires. Among us, this usually happens in our late, sometimes in our early teens. Surely by twenty most young men are sexually ready to marry. By eighteen most girls are ready to marry. But - conditions are such, let us say, that the young man in question cannot marry - either because he has not found the right girl, or because he cannot support her, or both - until he is twenty-five. How is he to live during the five years between his desire for marriage and his actual marriage? What is to happen to his sex-life during this period of waiting? This is a most difficult question to answer, unless the answer be given, not in general, but to a particular person in his or her particular conditions. The best that can be said in general is that the person should not be swayed by fear, one way or the other, but that he or she should try to be honest with himself and with the other person, that he should maintain self-respect and mutual respect, that there should be a high standard of regard on both sides, and that in whatever he does or doesn't do, he should be clean. In this, as in other matters of living, it is a question not only of what you do but of how you do it.

In relation to your problems with your English class, I'd say this. Make a distinction between (1) writing as you want to write, and (2) writing as an exercise. As an exercise, it is not at all bad practice to try to write in the various styles and veins. In this way you come to master style. This is one way to master style. So, for example, simply for the exercise of it, try to write as Sinclair Lewis writes. But in your own mind hold fast to the idea and the attitude that this is nothing more nor less than exercise. Then, on the other hand, write as you write, write as you want to write, treating the materials of life which are important and worthwhile to you. In this way you will relieve yourself of conflict, and at the same time lessen your troubles with your instructor. But always, within yourself, hold fast to your values, to your reality. Fundamentally, you must develop and write as you must develop and write - not as Sinclair Lewis or anyone else did. If your instructor challenges what is real to you, let him do so - and defend yourself. Use him as a means of learning how to defend yourself. You'll have to do it often enough in later years. Try to make him see your point of view, as he tries to make you see his. Give in to him, if desirable, in small matters, but never give in to him in important matters. In the end, he will respect you for your firmness of stand. But try not to be stubborn. Try not to give the impression that you feel you know more than you do. Be plastic - for in this way you will learn. But also be firm, for in this way you will develop your own individuality. If your instructor thinks that all men should write as Sinclair Lewis writes, then he thinks nonsense. But if he feels that it would be good for you to know the Lewis kind of writing, then he is simply trying to acquaint you with one of various types of writing - and this is all to the good. As a writer, you should be somewhat familiar with all types. But as for your actual writing, stick to your own. Find out what your own is, and perfect it. And, first of all, try to find out exactly what your instructor's intentions are. Does he want you to change, and be something different from what you are? Or does he want to stimulate you, to temper you, by criticism? Or just what? After you've answered these questions to your own satisfaction, then proceed as I've outlined above.

PRESERVATION PHOTOCOPY: ORIGINAL MATERIAL RESTRICTED

JEAN TOOMER COLLECTION

Madison, Wisconsin.
February twenty third.

Dear Jean:

Your's was a letter of a very great and good man. That is
my anarticulate way of expressing my appreciation of it. I wrote
Dad and Tock, making it as fine a letter as I could. And I cer-
tainly shall see that nothing deters me from following it up. I
am only too glad to help both of them. And you made me realize
that the happiness of one is mutual.

I guess your insistence on grades came a little too late
to bring me to my senses for the first semester. Grades have al-
ways come so easily to me, that I have never really had occasion
to give them too much thought. But last semester the smart boy
got an A and a B and two D's. And to top that off, I got a fail-
ure in Phy ed and was asked to leave school. The failure being
due to cuts, which in turn were due to constant headaches and
a pain in the neck and back. A couple of weeks ago I went to a
doctor in Chicago and he said I had arthritis and prescribed some
medicine for me. Well, I'm still having a devil of a time con-
vincing the authorities that I cut gym for a genuine reason. I
finally had to get a doctors excuse and hope to have it all clear
ed up by this week.

That and a devil of a cold have gotten me done morally and
physically. I guess that's the reason for my most stupid and
un-understanding letter that I last sent you.

My math teacher, that being one of the subjects I got a D
in, has been raising havoc also. I had an A average to the final
and then, like a fool, flumked the final. She gave me a condition-
al failure for the course and I complained saying that she had no
right to drag down such a good average with just a final grade.
She moved it up to a D placing me off probation and then I heard
yesterday that the grade had gone through as an E which promptly
puts me back on probation. That whole hitch is, I can't run for
office, can't debate nor orate, and will probably have to forfiet
my trophy in extempore speaking! I have to trot up to the dean's
office tomorrow and see what can be done about it. That last blow
is just enough to take all my heart out of school here. I had sort
of counted on speech work to interest me in the whole school
propsoition. It's kind of hard to know that because you were
off on a test one morning that all this should come of it!

And I did so particularly want to make a good grade in math.
I had worked so hard in it all semester for a high average and then
have to go and flunk that silly final!

2#

Have prepared a grand brief for the debate question and was elected captain of the Freshman debate squad. There times when I can't quite understand that person called the Great Life, by you.

Well, now that I've told you my woes there just doesn't seem anything to write about. One thing seems evident to me. I'm right in the midst of a change. Much the same as it was almost seven years ago when I moved to Oconomowoc. I sense this as yet another transitory stage in which much of what I do, and have done, will determine what happens next. I want to train myself to be something utilitarian in life. There must be a profession. Probably law. It's natural to my bents and would be the right background from which I could work, later, into what lines I want. Yet, things are just as undefined and vague to me, as the above must sound to you. But still I don't see myself spending another six or seven years in an educational system.

Two days have elapsed since I started this letter. In the mean time I have been trying to persuade the Deans of the school to allow me to debate inspite of the ineligibility. I've won over two Deans but have yet to attack the Dean of men, which I shall do tomorrow. They say that since I graduated second in my class and showed brilliant promise and wrote exceptionally high aptitude and i.q tests that my low grades must be due to something else. They feel that if I'm allowed to debate and maintain a B average for my course through the mid-semester that things would go better. I agree with them, but the object will be for me and the two junior deans to convince the old boy who is distinctly of the old school belief that a man once on probation should remain out of activities as a penalty.

I won't drag this letter on any more, because it has, already, taken on too woeful proportions. I will try and get a letter off to Susan this week. I certainly should enjoy getting to know her better by medium of correspondence.

Sincerely,

Gordon.

Madison Wisconsin.
245 Langdon.
March 10.

Dear Jean:

No word from you, in what seems ages. I had a letter
from Dad last week that was written in gay foolishness, and
which stills has me stumped as to what the situation is. They
evidently ward off any offer on my part to be of any help and
don't say a thing about themselves. Words were spelled in
ridiculous fashion, like they used to do. I really don't know
what to make of it.

I have been slaving away very much to my boredom.
There simply isn't anything I can do, if I want to continue
debating. I'm still in much question in regards to my math.
I'm taking a pretty involved subject and had to miss about
three days last week and this because of debate trips. We
were victorious on the latter but it raises perfect devil with
one if he slips up on a single day of math.

Incidently, do you know a fellow by the name of Mark
Schorer? Wrote a book caleed "The House Too Old". Seems to be
a protege, in an after fashion, of Zona's. If you do, I would
like to have your reaction on him. There is also another
writer of "pulp" detective stuff from the same town he comes
from who claims to know you. Named August Derleth or something
along those lines. I guess he goes under some psuedo, french
name when writing, very similar to his regular one.

What with this studying going on so ferociously, I
haven't been on a single date this semester and have a hell
of a time resisting some social life occasionally. But I just
can't mix both, I guess.

I wrote Susan, but as yet haven't heard from her. I
have been doing some prolific writing the last three or four
weeks and am having loads of fun. Between that and reading,
I spend what spare time I have. After reading Schorer's "House
Too Old" I tackled a book of Nijinsky and one on Diaghileff
and am now on Rebecca West's "The Thinking Reed"

I have come to certain conclusions about my writing.
One thing sure, I write such nineteenth century unmarketable
stuff, that I'll never be a worthwhile fellow at the game. I
have too fond a love for the idyll and dreamy thing to ever
make a go at this stuff people want and like. I write lots of
stuff on different angles of the Gurdjieff Philosophy that I
have heard from Yvonne or Charlie but they only read it as
though I were crazy or talking above my head in abstractions,
and then proceed to make literary comments on the style. They
seemingly throw aside the content angle completely.

JEAN TOOMER COLLECTION