VIDEO

THE KID IS DAWDLING OVER
A SANDWICH AT THE TABLE
WE SEE JEAN OPENING FRONT
DOOR OF APT. PICKING UP
SUNDAY PAPER, TAKING
COMICS OFF TOP AND GIVING
THEM TO HER KID. THEN SHE
WALKS FORWARD TO CAMERA:
READS HEADLINE A SECOND
AND STARTS

AUDIO

JEAN:

Here it is Sunday. My husband will sleep
late, and then he'll get his breakfast, and
then go back to sleep and then lounge
around the house all day..oh, you have no
idea how I look forward to Monday!

Every other day I have to get up early in
the morning..but on Sundays I get up
so late it's almost light out!

My husband is so lucky, bless him, he
sleeps soundly but he's still restless.
One night he fell out of bed. What a crash..
it almost woke him! He gets cold during
the night, so he wears two pairs of pajamas,
socks, a bathrobe, and a scarf..he's the
only man I know who has to get undressed to
go to work.

And his snoring. I don't mind a man snoring,
but Herbie starts before he gets into bed.

(MORE)

-1-

JEAN: (CONT)

After being so much trouble during the
night, you'd think that was the end of it..
but not my Herbie.. I recall when one morning
he woke up complaining. He said for once he's
like to be served breakfast in bed.. so that
once I did give him breakfast in bed.. I hit
him in the head with a grapefruit!

You know, in the movies when they show a
couple at breakfast, Tyrone Power's the
husband and such a doll. His hair is
combed, his eyes sparkle, and his pajamas
and dressing gown hasn't a wrinkle..
Hollywood just doesn't understand
realism..ah, here comes my Tyrone!

LOOKS OFF TO DOOR THAT
WILL ADMIT ALAN

HE STEPS INTO SIGHT...
IN RUMPLED PAJAMAS AND
LOUD BATHROBE, HAIR
MATTED AND FACE
PUFFY WITH SLEEP, HE
STANDS THERE AS JEAN
LOOKS AT HIM.

JEAN:

Good morning dear.

ALAN: (SLEEPY)

Good morning (YAWN THAT TRAILS OFF INTO A
SORT OF BARK RIGHT INTO JEAN'S FACE)

JEAN:

TO HER KID...

Robin, open the door, I think your father
wants to be let out.

(MORE)

-2-

JEAN: (PROMPTING)

Robin!

ALAN:

Uh...Robin...Well, I'm going to take a
shower...

HE STARTS OFF...

JEAN:

Herbie, don't forget, take your bathrobe
off first.

JEAN:

Come on honey, finish your lunch because
when Daddy is thru he's taking you to the
park.

ROBIN:

Okay mommy.

JEAN:

Robin, when you go to the park, do you have
fun with Daddy?

ROBIN:

Oh, sure, last week we went on the
merry-go-round.

JEAN:

Did Daddy go on the Merry-go-round with you?

ROBIN:

Once he went with me..the other three times
he went by himself.

-4-

JEAN:

Then what did you do dear?

ROBIN:

Then Daddy bought a big bag of peanuts
for the both of us.

JEAN:

I'll bet that was fun.

ROBIN:

Not much. I only got to eat two of them.

JEAN:

Didn't Daddy feed any peanuts to the
squirrels.

ROBIN:

None came around. they know him already.

JEAN: (LAUGHS)

Then what happened?

ROBIN:

Well, we went to the Zoo where we saw the
lions, and tigers, and zebras and the
in-laws!

JEAN:

In-laws?

ROBIN:

Yes, you know the great big animals, with
big trunks and floppy ears.

-5-

**JEAN:**

You mean elephants?

**ROBIN:**

That's right...but Daddy says they look
like his in-laws!....What does that mean,
Mommy?

**JEAN:**

It means your Daddy's in trouble.

**ROBIN:**

With the elephants?

**JEAN:**

With his in-laws.

**ROBIN:**

That's what I said.

**JEAN:**

Finish your milk, Robin. Then go and
get dressed.

**ROBIN:**

Okay, Mommy.

**JEAN:** (TO AUDIENCE)

As you probably gathered Herbie doesn't care
much for his in-laws. It all started the
first year of our marriage when my parents
lived with us.

THE KID DRAINS THE
LAST OF THE MILK AND
THEN GOES INTO THE
LIVING ROOM...

-6-

(MORE)

JEAN: (CONT)

Herbie was furious. He would have ordered them out except for one thing...it was their house. You see my parents didn't quite approve of Herbie. I remember the day we got married. A lot of parents cry at weddings but mine didn't stop for three months.

(HER TONE IS ANGRY)

ALAN COMES IN DRESSED IN SLACKS, SLIPPERS AND SPORT SHIRT

Still he has no right to talk to Robin about her grandparents that way.

ALAN:

(RUBBING HANDS TOGETHER, CHEERFUL)

Well, you were right, honey, I feel a hundred percent better. Is my omelette ready?

SHE BRINGS THE FRYING PAN OVER AND PLOPS OMELETTE ONTO HIS PLATE ANGRILY....

JEAN:

It sure is.

ALAN:

You forgot the knife and fork.

ALAN IS SURPRISED AND STARTLED....

JEAN

I'm terribly sorry.

SHE DROPS A KNIFE AND FORK AND SPOON ON THE TABLE WITH A LOUD CLATTER

ALAN:

Jean, is anything the matter?

-7-

EMPHATIC AND ANGRY
PUTS THE CUP AND
SAUCER DOWN WITH A
BANG...

**JEAN:**
There's nothing the matter.
Eat your breakfast.

**ALAN:**
Jean, we've been married for ten years. I know you like a book. I've got a feeling you're mad about something.

HE ALMOST CHOKES ON
HIS FOOD....

**JEAN:**
Look, just eat your breakfast and then you can take Robin to the zoo to see the lions, the tigers and the in-laws.

You didn't think I knew about that, did you?

**ALAN:**
What are you getting excited about? It was just a joke.

**JEAN:**
Some joke...comparing my parents with elephants. It's a pretty stupid remark.

**ALAN:**
It's not so stupid, the resemblance is there.

**JEAN:**
Do you mean to sit there and tell me my mother looks like an elephant?

-8-

**ALAN:**

Did you ever see her in slacks?

**JEAN:**

Herbie Carroll, you've got your nerve.
Of all the ingratitude, what have you got
against my mother?

**ALAN:**

For one thing she comes over here too
often.

**JEAN:**

Too often? Last year she was here exactly
four times. For Christmas she brought over
a hundred dollar saving bond; for Robin's
birthday she gave her six new dresses, and
for my birthday she handed me a check for
fifty dollars and once, mind you only once,
she came over here for dinner?

**ALAN:**

That's it. WHO NEEDS HER SPONGING ON ME???

**JEAN:**

How can you say anything about _my_ mother?
What about _your_ mother?

**ALAN:**

What about my mother?

-9-

**JEAN:**

She's a trouble maker, that's what!

**ALAN:**

How can you call my mother a trouble maker?

**JEAN:**

Because she's always telling you I'm not
good enough for you; she tells you I'm a
rotten housekeeper and a terrible cook;
that I'm extravagant; that I don't know how
to raise a child....And everytime we have
an argument she broadcasts it to the
neighbors...she's constantly criticizing
me, nagging me, and trying to turn you
against me.

**ALAN:**

And for *that* you call her a troublemaker?????

**JEAN:**

What do you want me to call her...a career
diplomat?

(CALMER AND SENSIBLE) Look, Herbie, let's try to be sensible. We've been married for ten years and right from the start your mother didn't approve of me and my mother didn't approve of you and on top of it all they don't approve of each other.

(MORE)

-10-

JEAN: (CONT)

Why don't we be reasonable and invite them
both over tonight and everybody can get
together.

ALAN:

While you're at it why don't you invite
your brother and my sister -- they can
fight the preliminary.

JEAN:

Believe me honey, it's the sensible thing
to do.

ALAN:

Okay, Jeannie, anything you say.

STARTS EATING THE
FOOD

JEAN:

All right, I need the air so I'll take
Robin to the park. Meanwhile you get
on the phone and invite my mother and
your mother over for the evening.

ALAN:

OK, but in the future...(GARBLED SOUNDS OF
CHEWING AND TALKING)

JEAN:

What did you say?

-11-

HE FINISHES CHEWING
AND SAYS

TAKES ANOTHER BIG
BITE OF TOAST

**ALAN:**

I said in the future let's not have
arguments before breakfast...it spoils my
appetite.

**JEAN:**

The only thing that can spoil your
appetite is a ton of food.. And then it's
only for a few hours...

**ROBIN:**

ROBIN COMES RUNNING IN

Daddy, I'm ready to go to the park.

**JEAN:**

GETTING INTO HER COAT

I'm going to take you to the park, dear.

**ROBIN:**

You are?

**ALAN:**

Yes, Mommy will take you to see the lions
and the tigers.

**ROBIN:**

What about the in-laws?

**ALAN:**

She'll be here tonight.

**ROBIN:**

An elephant in the living room?

-12-

JEAN:

Come on, Robin...

SHE GRABS THE KID BY
THE HAND AND THEY EXIT
...SCENE FADES WITH
CARNEY GOING TO WORK
ON THE FOOD WITH A
VENGEANCE....

TRANSITION MUSIC....

SCENE IS A PARK WITH
TWO BENCHES ALONG A
WALK...BACKGROUND OF
GRASS, TREES ETC. THERE
ARE TWO MEN SITTING AND
TALKING ON ONE BENCH,
HOLDING THE NEWSPAPERS.
THE OTHER BENCH HOLDS
A GUY READING A COMIC
BOOK AND ANOTHER MAN
FUSSING OVER A BABY
CARRIAGE...

JEAN AND ROBIN COME
ON SCENE...

JEAN:

Wheww...Robin! Mommy's tired. Why don't
you go over there and play with your
friends? I'll be sitting on the bench.

ROBIN:

Okay, Mommy....

SHE RUNS OFF....

JEAN:

I don't know what I'm doing here. This is
supposed to be Daddy's day with the children.
You know, it's a funny thing. All week
long the fathers are too busy so they ignore
the kids around the house. But on Sunday
they make up for it..they take them to the
park and ignore them.

(MORE)

-13-

SHE WALKS OVER TO THE
SECOND BENCH AND SITS
DOWN BETWEEN THE TWO
MEN....AS SHE PASSES
THE FIRST TWO THE CAMERA
STAYS WITH THEM...
ONE OF THE MEN HAS
HIS FACE IN PROFILE
TO THE AUDIENCE....
THE SECOND MAN.....

### JEAN: (CONT)

They talk about the idle chatter of housewives. You should listen to some of these husbands...

### FIRST MAN:

You know, Tom, I figure I'll take the kids to the park. It gives the little woman a chance to catch her breath.

### SECOND MAN:

That's a big help, huh?

### FIRST MAN:

Sure...this way they're not around to bother her while she's scrubbing the floors.

### SECOND MAN:

I think we spoil our wives. Like this morning my wife and I had a big argument. She says, "take the kids to the park..I said I'm tired, she says...you'll take them anyway..I said..I will not."

### FIRST MAN:

What happened?

-14-

**JEAN:**

Ah, that's sweet...

LOOKS AT HIS
WRISTWATCH...

**MAN:**

Yes, Lorelei Linda Podolsky. Oh, it's
time for her bottle. I'm really worried
about her you see her appetite's not too
good.

HE TAKES A BOTTLE OF
MILK FROM A THERMOS
IN CARRIAGE...

Here you are doll....

PUTS THE BOTTLE IN..
JEAN LOOKS..HER EYES
GET WIDER...
AS MAN TAKES OUT EMPTY
BOTTLE AND PUTS ANOTHER
FULL ONE IN..JEAN JUST
GAPES...

**MAN:**

What was I saying?

**JEAN:**

You were saying her appetite's not too
good.

**MAN:**

Oh, yes, poor little thing.. I was so
worried about her when she was born. I said
to the doctor, "Doctor don't spare the
expenses..if she needs an incubator..put
her in an incubator."

**JEAN:**

What did she weigh?

-16-

**MAN:**

Fourteen pounds..But knock wood (DOES SO)
she's three months old and she's coming
along nicely..Alright Lorelei, give
daddy the bottle..give daddy the bottle

REACHES IN AND TRIES
TO PULL OUT THE BOTTLE..
TRIES THE SECOND TIME..
AND THE THIRD TIME HE
PUTS A LEG AGAINST THE
CARRIAGE AND PULLS IT
OUT.

Well, I've got to take her home now...
(TO BABY) Come on Angel...(INTO BABY
BLUBBERING BIT AGAIN)

**JEAN:**

GOOD BY...

MAN BLUBBERS AT
JEAN AS HE WAVES

**JEAN:**

Wasn't he a proud father? That's how
they all are at first. All fathers go
through three stages. The first stage is
"Gee, I'm a Father!" The second stage is,
"He's a lot of trouble but I wouldn't
trade him for a million bucks." Third
stage, "Make me an offer!" This father
sitting over there (INDICATES) looks about
ready to sell.

CAMERA SHIFTS TO MAN
(BURLY, GRUFF TYPE)
TALKING TO A DISHEVELED
LITTLE BOY OF ABOUT FIVE
OR SIX..THE KID HAS A
DIRTY FACE...

**FOURTH MAN:**

Hey! What happened to your face?

-17-

CHILD: (EMPHATIC)

I ate some dirt!

FOURTH MAN:

How many times I gotta tell you not to eat
dirt...it'll ruin your appetite for
supper! Now g'wan and play.

KID RUNS OFF...

JEAN:

That's a nice little boy you've got there.

MOVING OVER..

4TH MAN:

Yes, he's allright...a roughneck, kinda
wild...takes after his Mother.

JEAN:

Ah, I'll bet you'd like to have two of
them.

4TH MAN:

If I had two of them I'd be happy..I got
eight!

JEAN:

Eight! That's wonderful. How many boys
and how many girls?

4TH MAN:

Three boys and five girls..or five boys and
three girls..something like that.

-18-

**JEAN:**

Eight kids. One more and you'll have a
baseball team.

**4TH MAN:**

One more and I'll have a nervous breakdown.

**JEAN:**

But isn't it wonderful when you get home
and they climb up on your knee?

**4TH MAN:**

My kid George does that...climbs on my
knee all the time. I hate it.

**JEAN:**

Why??

**4TH MAN:**

He's sixteen years old already!

**JEAN:**

Oh.

KID COMES RUNNING
BACK..

**KID:**

Daddy, daddy, can I have a quarter to get a
hot dog and some soda pop?

**4TH MAN:**

Hot dog and soda? That stuff's no good for
you..you'll get sick..besides that's what I
bought you for breakfast. C'mon we gotta
go home.

-19-

**KID:**

What about Timmy?

**4TH MAN:**

Timmy??

**KID:**

My brother!

**4TH MAN:**

Oh, _that_ Timmy!...We'll find him...

So long, lady.

THEY EXIT....

**JEAN:**

'Bye...Eight kids..I know his wife...
a nice little old woman of 26!

ROBIN COMES ON...

Oh, I'm glad you're here, Robin.

We have to go home...And after dinner
maybe Daddy will read you the comics...
then later both Grandmas are coming
over.

**ROBIN:**

At the same time????

THEY EXIT.....

-20-

TRANSITION MUSIC...GO TO BLACK
AND UP....ALAN IS BUSY FIXING
UP HIS EASY CHAIR...ARRANGING
THE PILLOWS, ETC...THEN HE PUTS
A BOWL OF FRUIT ON THE END TABLE
AND PLACES THE FOOT STOOL AT
WHAT HE CONSIDERS THE RIGHT
DISTANCE AWAY...THEN HE GETS
HIS NEWSPAPER AND SINKS INTO
THE CHAIR...HE TRIES TO PUT
HIS FEET ON THE STOOL BUT IT
IS TOO FAR AWAY...HE EDGES DOWN
IN THE CHAIR TRYING TO REACH IT
WITH H'S FEET, THEN FINALLY HE
DOES A PRAT FALL (BASS DRUM)
ENDING UP ON HIS CAN ON THE
FLOOR...HE STANDS UP...ROBIN
COMES INTO THE ROOM...FUNNY
PAPERS IN HAND...

**ROBIN:**

Daddy, I think it's going to rain.

**ALAN:**

What makes you think so.

**ROBIN:**

I just heard thunder.

**ALAN:**

(SITS DOWN) I didn't hear anything.

**ROBIN:**

Daddy.

**ALAN:**

What?

**ROBIN:**

Will you read me the comics?

-21-

**ALAN & ROBIN:**

(TOGETHER) Now Robin, you know this
is Daddy's time to relax...

**ALAN:**

(LAUGHING) All right, Robin, come
on...

**ROBIN:**

Here I come. (SHE LEAPS INTO HIS
LAP)

**ALAN:**

WITH A STUNNED PAINED EXPRESSION

You should be careful, Robin...you
can hart yourself that way...

HE REACHES INTO HIS SHIRT AND
TAKES OUT A BROKEN CIGAR...

Tsk...tsk...one of my best cigars.

**ROBIN:**

I'm sorry, Daddy...I'll pay for it..
you can take a nickel out of my
allowance.

**ALAN:**

OPENS THE FUNNY PAPERS...

Let's see, what do you want me to
read you first?

**ROBIN:**

Let's start with Buck Rogers.

**ALAN:**

TURNS THE PAGE

All right. Well, here we see Buck
Rogers sitting in his rocket ship
and they're getting ready to take off
for the moon. (MORE)

-22-

ALAN: (CONT)

He says, "All right men, load your
atomic dis...disint.er...

ROBIN:

Disintegraters.

ALAN:

I know, dear.... Then he says,
"After the take-off be on the
lookout for flying miter...
meterites...

ROBIN:

Meteorites.

ALAN:

That's what I said... and over here
Buck Rogers says... "Make sure to
check the nuucla...nu...er...

ROBIN:

Nuclear... aero dynamics...

Daddy, you don't mind reading to me
do you?

ALAN:

Of course not. How else are you
going to improve your vocabulary?

HE GLARES AT HER...

HE LOOKS AT THE KID OUT OF
THE CORNER OF HIS EYE TO SEE
THE EFFECT OF THIS STATEMENT
....THERE IS NONE.

-23-

**ROBIN:**

GO ON, Daddy....

**ALAN:**

Well this picture over here shows
the door of the space ship opening
on Mars... and we see this huge
monster from another world...its got
a green complexion...and little red
eyes and big sharp claws... That
reminds me... (VOICE UP) Jean,
what time's your mother getting
here?

**JEAN:**

They both should be hear any
minute.

Well, I hope this meeting works out
better than the first time they met.

I'll never forget it... Herbie's
mother said he was the best catch
in the neighborhood...and my mother
said...I've seen better catches in
the fish market. All I try to do
is keep the peace. In all fairness
I've got to admit that Herbie's
mother is allright in *her* place.

The only trouble is she keeps coming
over to *my* place.

CLIP TO JEAN IN KITCHEN

(MORE)

-24-

**JEAN:** (CONT)

Herbie's mother keeps telling me
that he had a chance to marry girls
who were beautiful and intelligent
and wealthy. But they all lacked
the one thing I had -- poor taste.
I kid around a lot but actually I
love the big dope. The truth of the
matter is...he's everything a girl
could ask for -- especially if she's
going to a Halloween Party....

SHE CROSSES INTO THE LIVING ROOM...ALAN AND CHILD STILL AS BEFORE....

**ALAN:**

... and in the last picture Buck
Rogers says... "accelerate the
jet... prapul...probul...

**JEAN:**

Propulsion....

**ROBIN:**

He knows, Mommy.

ALAN NODS AT THE KID AND THEN
ROBIN GIVES HER MOTHER A BROAD
WINK...SHE GETS OFF HIS LAP AND
GOES INTO HER ROOM...

**JEAN:**

Come on, Robin...go comb your hair
so you'll look nice for Grandma.

(MORE)

-25-

**JEAN:** (CONT)

Now Herbie, remember, when they get
here let's try to keep things
pleasant... and don't let my Mother
get on your nerves.

**ALAN:**

OKay, Jean, I'll try...

DOORBELL RINGS...ROBIN COMES
OUT OF HER ROOM...JEAN OPENS
THE DOOR....

**JEAN'S MOTHER:**

Hello...hello...

**JEAN:**

Herbie look who's here, my Mother...

**ALAN:**

(DEAD VOICE) What a delightful
surprise.

**JEAN'S MOTHER:**

How are you dear?

THEY KISS... TO JEAN:

**JEAN:**

Just fine, Mother.

**JEAN'S MOTHER:**

And Robin... How's Grandma's little
darling...

**ROBIN:**

I'm fine, grandma.

-26-

**JEAN:**

You remember, Herbie.

**JEAN'S MOTHER:**

(DISDAINFULLY) Oh, yes...

(DISDAINFUL COUGH)

**JEAN:**

How've you been feeling, Mother?

**JEAN'S MOTHER:**

(SIGHS) Not too well, not too well at all.

**ALAN:**

(SAME DEAD VOICE) What a delightful surprise.

**JEAN:**

(WARNINGLY) Herbie! ... Take Mother's coat...and hang it up carefully.

**JEAN'S MOTHER:**

This child gets prettier and prettier every time I see her. She takes after our family...(LOOKS AT HERBIE) Thank Heaven.

Jean, why don't you put I-T on a very strict D-I-E-T.

HERBIE TAKES THE COAT AND HOLDS IT GINGERLY WITH TWO FINGERS... WHEN HE GETS TO THE CLOSET... HE BALLS IT UP AND FLINGS IT IN...

MEANWHILE JEAN AND HER MOTHER AND THE KID GROUP THEMSELVES AROUND THE COUCH...

HERBIE SITS DOWN WITH HIS PAPER...

ALAN RUSTLES THE NEWSPAPERS ANGRILY...

-27-

ALAN LOWERS THE PAPER...FROWNS IN CONCENTRATION FIGURING OUT THE SPELLING THEN SHRUGS AND GOES BACK TO THE NEWSPAPER.

**JEAN:**

Er, what's new, Mother?

**JEAN'S MOTHER:**

Who do you think I ran into last week? Remember the Adams boy...the one who inherited the steel mill... the one who was so anxious to marry you and you wouldn't listen to me...

**JEAN:**

Oh, now Mother, I'm very happy with Herbie.

**JEAN'S MOTHER:**

That's my brave little girl.

CARNEY CRUSHES THE NEWSPAPER TOGETHER...

**JEAN:**

Mother, why don't you go in and freshen up... You'll feel better...

**JEAN'S MOTHER:**

That's a good idea. I think I will.

SHE GOES INTO BEDROOM OFFSTAGE.. ALAN GETS UP ANGRILY.

**ALAN:**

Jean, let me...

-28-

THE DOORBELL RINGS...

**JEAN:**
Herbie, I think you're behaving horribly...the least you could...

**ALAN:**
Oh, that must be my Mom.

HE OPENS THE DOOR...SHE'S CARRYING A PACKAGE...

**JEAN:**
(IMITATING HIS DEAD VOICE)
Oh, what a delightful surprise.

**ALAN:**
Hello, Mom.

KISSES ROBIN...

**ALAN'S MOTHER:**
(THEY EMBRACE)
Hello, how's my little man?
Oh, look at this beautiful doll.
She's growing up to be the image of her father... lucky little girl.

**ROBIN:**
Hello, Grandma...

**ALAN'S MOTHER:**
(TO JEAN)
And how are you...er...
er...

**JEAN:**
Jean.

-29-

THEY EMBRACE AND BEHIND JEAN'S
BACK THE MOTHER RUNS A FINGER
OVER THE FURNITURE TESTING FOR
DUST...

HERBIE GLARES AT JEAN AND
TAKES MOTHER'S COAT

HE HANDS HER THE PAPER BAG AND
SHE HOLDS IT BY TWO FINGERS AND
BUCKLES UNDER THE WEIGHT...
THEN SHE CARRIES THEM INTO THE
KITCHEN AND DROPS THEM FROM A
HEIGHT ON THE KITCHEN TABLE.
THERE IS A LOUD THUD. SHE
RETURNS TO LIVING ROOM AS
HERBIE RETURNS FROM HANGING UP
THE COAT...SHE SITS DOWN AND
PICKS UP A MAGAZINE...

**ALAN'S MOTHER:**

Of course, Jean.

**JEAN:**

Herbie, empty out the closet and
make room for your Mother's coat.

**ALAN'S MOTHER:**

Oh, Herbie, I know how you miss
Mother's baking so I brought you
some of my cookies. You need them..
you look as though you're wasting
away.

**JEAN:**

(LOUD) Ha!

**ALAN:**

Oh, boy, wait till you taste these,
Jean ... light as a feather. Put
them in the kitchen will you.

-30-

ALAN'S MOTHER:

Herbie, do you remember that girl
Betty you used to go with...well I
ran into her yesterday and she looks
beautiful...hasn't aged a day...some
women are just luckier than others..
Herbie, I'm telling you it's better
if you don't see her. Don't ever
call Plaza 5-8584

CAMERA IN CLOSE-UP ....
OF JEAN....

JEAN:

If any of you are feeling sorry for
me...save your sympathy for some who
needs it more than I do -- my
father-in-law.... But the worst is
yet to come. Any second now my
Mother will come out of the bedroom
and see his Mother. They've been
gunning for each other and I don't
know what'll happen....

CAMERA PICKS UP JEAN'S MOTHER
COMING OUT OF BEDROOM...SHE
HALTS WHEN SHE SPIES THE OTHER
WOMAN...THERE IS A MUSIC STING
....DRAMATIC...

CAMERA PICKS UP ALAN'S MOTHER
JUST AS SHE SPIES THE OTHER WOMAN
...ANOTHER DRAMATIC MUSIC STING...
CAMERA SHOOTS BEHIND ALAN'S
MOTHER AS THEY SLOWLY WALK
TOWARDS EACH OTHER.....

MUSIC: ...HIGH NOON THEME...*
PLAY UNDER *

JEAN'S MOTHER:

MILDRED!

-31-

AS THEY MEET MUSIC CUTS OUT
AND THEY FALL INTO AN EMBRACE

**ALAN'S MOTHER:**

NORMA!

**JEAN'S MOTHER:**

Mildred I haven't seen you since
Robin's birthday party last year
when we had that silly argument.

**ALAN'S MOTHER:**

It was a remembrance I made about the
birthday cake you baked. I said
it wasn't fit for human consumption.

**JEAN'S MOTHER:**

And I said in that case feed it to
your son Herbie. Hahaha!

**ALAN'S MOTHER:**

Is that what you said. Well...

(SOUND: FIGHT BELL...)

PICTURE FADES WITH BOTH MOTHERS
STANDING THERE TOE TO TOE JAWING
AT EACH OTHER.....

(MUSIC: ... GILLETTE CAVALCADE OF
SPORTS THEME...)

(TO LOOK SHARP, ETC.)

**JEAN:**

**MONOLOGUE**

lj/aek
11/16/53
10?30 pm

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