-49-

JOE

I can't see Denby now. I just can't.

DENBY

Here he is, Brook, still in his office. Mrs. Lansdale and I
have been waiting for you, Joe.

LANSDALE

Hurry up, Joe. I've got the car downstairs.

DENBY

Wait a minute, Brook. Why don't we tell him now?

LANSDALE

Might as well. Give him time to compose a speech on the way
over...

DENBY (UP)

Charlie...Oh, Charlie, you might as well come in and hear this..

CHARLIE (COMING ON)

What's up? What's afoot?

DENBY

I had had high hopes that one day you might receive this honor,
Charlie, but Joe here beat you out...and not by any narrow
margin either.

JOE

Doctor Denby, I don't understand.

DENBY

Tell him, Brook.

LANSDALE

Joe, My boy, you're about to be made Physician-in-chief to the
hospital. Youngest man ever appointed. You'll be the head
man. We are making Bigby Denby President of the Medical Board.

-50-

DENBY

I'm being kicked upstairs.

Ha! Ha!

LANSDALE

What do you say?

JOE

Well, I'm knocked over. I don't know what to say.

DENBY

What do you say, Emily?

EMILY (DRYLY)

Well, gee willikers!

LANSDALE

Hope Joe isn't so tongue-tied when he gets in front of the
trustees. Come on, Joe, we're late...

JOE (GOING OFF)

Yes, I know...but I'm not...I mean...

DENBY (GOINGTOO)

I know one little lady who'll be proud of her husband today!

(SOUND: DOOR CLOSES OFF)

CHARLIE

What're you thinking about, Nursie?

EMILY

Just thinking how hard it is for a man to get off a merry-go-
round after it gets going fast.

CHARLIE

You couldn't expect him to turn down a plum like this. Being
head man at our hospital makes a fellow one of the big men in
medicine.hereabouts.

-51-

## EMILY

Big politician, big social lion, and banquet man. Not much of a doctor. He could've been, though...When he first came here... I thought ...I hoped...

## CHARLIE

I can understand a girl getting stuck on a fellow like that. Wouldn't blame her.

## EMILY

Thanks, pal.

(PAUSE)

## CHARLIE

Want to take the day off and go to a burlesque show?

## EMILY

I don't know. I think the dedication ceremony will be funnier.

## CHARLIE

Okay. We'll go there.

## EMILY

Can we stop on the way and have a drink?

## CHARLIE

A drink? We'll get cockeyed.

that's it

(MUSIC: BRIDGE)

(SOUND: SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE)

## LANSDALE

And now, gentlemen, it is my pleasure and honor to present the man to whom we are dedicating this bronze tablet in the new private pavilion...Bigby Denby, M.D....Physician, scientist, humanitarian...and better than all these...an executive!

(SOUND: APPLAUSE)

-52-

## LANSDALE

To use his own phrase, he has been a "good soldier". Bigby
Denby has for years...

## CHORUS (WIPES HIM OUT...)

Broccoli Hogwash Balderdash,
Phoney, Baloney, Tripe and Trash.
No one knows where his youth has gone,
No one knows where his heart has gone,
But the talk talk talk goes on and on and on and on and on
Yatata yatata yatata yatata
yatata yatata, yatata, yatata...

(CONTINUE SOFTLY AS DENBY STARTS HIS SPEECH)

## DENBY

Mr. Chairman, trustees, friends... The cup of my happiness
runneth over. My heart is so full, words fail me. And yet...

## CHORUS

The prattle and the tattle,
The gab and the gush,
The chatter and the patter
And the twaddle and the tush
Go on and on and on and on and on!

## DENBY (FADING BACK ON)

My co-worker, my young but very talented friend, Joseph Taylor,
Junior... The youngest man ever to receive this appointment.

(SOUND: APPLAUSE... FADE IT QUICKLY AND HOLD IT LIGHT UNDER
CHORUS)

-53-

## CHORUS (SPOKEN)

Look out, Joe.
Once you cross this threshold
The door will close behind you...
(SOUND: APPLAUSE STOPS...)

JOE

Ladies and gentlemen, this comes to me as a complete surprise.
I look upon this appointment as a challenge. One must approach
with deep humility the task of succeeding so illustrious a
predecessor as Doctor Bigby Denby.

(SOUND: APPLAUSE)

He has been an ornament to medicine,
An ornament to his city
An ornament...

## CHORUS (SPOKEN)

---Ornament!

A man's mind is sometimes cleared
By the sudden light of one word.
In the flash of a split second
He sees a signpost, pointing down a new road.
And he may take a new turning
That will affect the rest of his life...

JOE (A DIFFERENT NOTE IN HIS VOICE)

It takes a special talent to be an ornament.
I am not blessed with this talent!

ALL

What? What's that he's saying? Did you hear waht he said?
Etc...

-54-

CHORUS (START QUIETLY IN B.G.
DURING THIS)

One foot, other foot

One foot, other foot

(KEEP THIS UP UNDER JOE'S SPEECH)

JOE

I must therefore...I must therefore decline the appointment.

JENNY

You can't do that, Joe.

JOE (DOWN)

Please, Jenny. (UP) I have another offer in a small hospital,
where my father is physician in chief. I'll be his assistant.

JENNY

You fool.

JOE

Please, Jenny.

JENNY

You talk like an idiot school-boy. The big city is a wicked
place and all the people in small towns are good and pure.

JOE (QUIETLY)

No, I don't say that. **You** came from a small town...Big towns
are filled with good people and bad people, good doctors and
bad doctors. I just happened to strike the wrong crowd. So all
I can do is go back among people I know I can help...and start
all over again. I'm going home!

CHORUS

Come home, come home, where the brown birds fly,
Through a pale blue sky,
To a tall green tree....

(MORE)

-55-

## CHORUS (CONT'D)

There is no finer sight for a man to see..
Come hom, Joe, come home!

## DENBY (DURING LAST LINE OF SONG)

Joe, you can't do this. What'll I tell the papers.

## JOE

Why don't you tell them just what I said?

## LANSDALE

Tell the papers he's just a small town doctor.

## JOE

Okay, tell them that!!!

## CHORUS

Now you can do whatever you want,
Whatever you want to do..

## EMILY

Doctor Taylor, wait a minute...Can you use a nurse back there?

## CHORUS

Here you are in a wonderful world
Especially made for you.

## CHARLIE

Hey, what about me?

## JOE (OFF)

Come on.

## ALL (WITH INCREASING VOLUME AND SPIRIT)

One foot, other foot
One foot, other foot,
Now you can do whatever you want,

(MORE)