THE

Officers Addreſs

TO THE

LADIES.

TO THEIR

Brightneſſes the Ladies of Great-Britain; the
Humble Addreſs of Her Majeſties Officers.

May it Please your Ladyships;

W
F, Your known, Obedient and moſt Humble Servants, the Generals,
Brigadiers, Collonels, Lieurenant-Collonels, Majors, Captains, &c.
met at a General Rendezvous, beg leave, since Addreſſes are so much
in ſaffion, to make Ours to Your Ladyſhips, moſt judtly complaining
of the inſolent, and unfair dealing of that Brawny Doctor, to lately ſummoned before
You at Westminſter-Hall, and there ſed with Your Eyes, Your Hearts, Your Sack,
Your Chicker, and all Your good Things.

Setting forth, That to the great diſpiriting of Her Majeſties Army, you have plac'd
all Your Thoughts and Aſſections on the Doctor and the Gown; and that unleſs You
return to Your former good Graces for the Army and the Sword, We ſhall ſoon be
reduced to make a moſt Inglorious Peace with France.

All Military Entertainments, Our Tilting and Tournaments are at an end; the
Church has got the whip Hand of the Riding-houſe; the Pufhing-Schools are all
foil'd. The India Trade is undone, no Cocheneel, no Scarlet; our Flanders Lace is
dwindling into Bands; our gawdy Ruffles into ſneaking Cuffs, the daring Campaign
Wig into a concife Bobb, and Horneck's Exercife has got the better of Marlborough's.
Now to retrieve the imputation of Ficklenefs and Change, which this alteration of
Your Taſt (even to reliſh the inſipid Formalities of a Parfon) has brought on You;
We beg of You to confider what Nature has pointed out Your Ladyſhips for; do ju-
ſtice to Your English Education, Recover, and ſhow Your ſelves Women.

To what end were you born with a nimble Turn of Wit? To what end were you
bred to improve it into Machine and Intrigue? If they are all to be ſoon funk and
loft in the dull and Ceremonious Wife of a Black Gown: Were your Eyes do you
think, made for piercing only to be Star-gazers? Will you forget that pretty way of
playing with your Fans in Church, and the Art of whispering when you have no-
thing to ſay? Shall all Mr. Trott's Skill be thrown away upon you, and will you
reap no benefit by having learned to turn out your Toes Mifs? Well! e'en let the
Army commence Cowards, and forget to fight; ſince the Nymphs which inſpir'd them,
have forgiſt themselves; ſince you can despife both Balls and Musick; neglect the
Plays

A

Plays, under-value drefs, and will be content to let us see what you are in your pure Naturals, without Patch, Paint, Furbelo or kibbon; And are ye Women still?

Thus it is, and unlefs the Doctor racks about, and turns Soldier, we are all undone.
Wonderful! that one Man should be every thing with you; let into all your Secrets,
brought into all your Difcourfes, whether with Milliner or Surgeon, Taylor or Shoemaker? What is it befides his Impudence, that you value him for? And had you not rather take up with our Martial Gallantry and true Courage? Nay, unlefs Fame lies, all his Manhood is in his Face, and then Ladies what a fine Tool of a Party have you got? Surely a good Voice is not the only thing that you admire? Foh! We now hate the very Thoughts of him, and pitty the poor deluded Sex, which has discarded us for fo infignificant a Tool.

When we drefs to court my Ladies Daughter, the Servant is immediately interrogated whether the Mafter be High-Church or Low-Church; and he Anfwers, that he does not find that his Mafter goes to Church at all. When we put on our Airs, and make Love, and look Languifhingly, and speak softlily, and figh prettily, and then take Snuff, and then tofs the Wig; we are anfwer'd and entertain'd with the Magnificence and Gaudineſs of the appearance of the Doctor's Scaffold, and the affeffed Modefly of his Behaviour there; when we defcribe our refleſs, waking Nights, the Fate of Amorous Eyes; She cries, truly the was up before Six as well as we. When we would handfomely, let her know the thin Dyer that we Lovers are confin'd to; (a kind Look being a full Medl) the anſwers that the careleſs Servant put up a naily black Leg'd Chicken into the Napkin, which obſig'd her to faft the laft day of the Tryal. And as it fares with the Beau, who defigns to be honeſt and marry, and get lawful Children for the good of that Country for which he fightes; fo it does with the Rake; and no Love now is to be made without Religion and the Doctor. When we accoit our kind Shees in the Park, we are whifper'd, Are you for the Doſter? God bleſs the Doctor fays the Strowler in the Strand, who never pray'd for her ſelf in her Life; and for the great Ornament and Benefit of Religion, the Doſtors Name is a Ticker which admits you into the beſt Favours of all the Philiftes in Drury-lane. Strange! how the Women love a High Flyer. This being the Cafe, Ladies, We make our humble Addrefs to you, defiring you to let us know upon mature Conſideration, whether we muſt translate our ſelves from Charing-Croft and St. James's to Child's Coffee-bouſe? Die all our Scarlets and Saſhes Hack, and give the Inhabitants of theſe Places warning, that they may write over their Doors, Theſe Houſes are to be Let. In the mean time, ſince the Church is in danger, we beg leave to pay our Devotions to you, who upon many weighty Conſiderations, ſhould be always in the fame Interefl, impark'd in fame Caule with us; who, as we owe our Being to you, a clean Shape, and a handſome Leg, &c. as we owe that Livineſs and Drefs and Gallantry, which are peculiar to a Soldier, to you, ſo we as gratefully imploy them all in your Services again. The Feather and Cock in the Hat, the Cat in the Coat, the Flap of the Shoe, the Neatneſs of a Cane, &c. and all that Wreath which is fneathed up with the Sword, and ever ready to be drawn; they are all deſign'd Ladies for you. How often do we relieve the deſpairing Damofel, who till fifteen ſuffers under the Languifhing Violencies of her Paffions by the injurious Treatment of a Father or Guardian, and how Generouſly do we let her into the Secrets of theſe Pleafures and Enjoyments which you are all born to? How often do we make the Wife amends for the Wrongs, which Matrimony has done her by an old or ill natural Husband? And how few apprehenſions need the be under of being a Widow when the Army is known ſo frequently to lift under that Banner? And won't your Ladyſhips oblige and redrefs us at this Junſture? We who are known to make Hearts bleed as well as you. We who lay our ſelves intirely out in pleafing you; who live in moſt things like you, and drefs, and talk, and dance, and take Snuff, &c. to make our ſelves agreeable to the fair Sex.

Thus Pallas in the Court of Jove,
Is Emblem both of War and Love;
And Mars, did after Toys of War, refort
To Sports and Pleafures in the Paphian Court:
And we too, that we may Successful prove,
Transform our ſelves to-what you Love.

Confider therefore Ladies, confider your Interefts, confider your Pleafures, and fee
through the falſe Arguments of this deceitful Doſtor; who, by thus ingroſſing you
to himſelf and his narrow Set of Men, reflects on a former Revolution in Harry the
Witch's Time, when you all march'd in Triumph from the Reftraints of Nunneries,
and

and the Servile Obedience to fat Fryers and early Matrons, to become free Ladies of England. Beware, for its plain that he has a design on the Liberty and Property of Trus Born English Women, as at prefent established by the Laws of both Houfes of the Hay-Market and Tivury Lane; and would involve the Meirs Female of your Bodies in a Paffive Obedience to Precife and Civil Husbands, whom under pain of Damnation you muft never refisk. Pray to what eſſe can this DoCTRine of Paffive Obedience and Non-Refistance tend, but to fettle the ſeverity of an old Tafteleſs Father over his Blooming Daughter; the Tyranny of an impotent Husband over a craving Wife? What, Obey them, right or wrong? Actively, Paffively; tho Nature and Reafon, and ſtrong Circumftances require the contrary? Nay, tho the very Matrimonial Contraſt, oppoſe it; with my Body I thee worſhip, with my Goods I thee endow; will be wrong'd and ſtarv'd, and be Paffive ill: Farewell the Time when you Wives were not to neceſſarily Subject, or at leaſt had not loft your Privileges. When a ſinking Breath was as good as ſome other Reaſons to fet you free.

But now the Doctor wou'd force you to trudge on in this rugged Path of ſo better for worse, without any hopes of the Dear and Antient Privilege of a ſeparate Maintenance. Firſt therefore, we humbly move, that your Ladvships declare this DoCTRine of Paffive-Obedience, to be Heretical and Dannable, tending only to deſtroy the Liberty and Privileges of Wives and Daughters, and making them no more than Tools of a Party, and neceſsary Evils all the Days of their Lives; and this we define of you in behalf of all the good natur'd part of out Sex, who reſolve to Marry and live Honeſt; to be good Husbands and meet good Wives, that we may know the Original Contraſt between us, what we are to perform as Husbands, both at Bed and Board; how much you are to give us for it, and what you are to perform as Wives: That whenever theſe Things ceaſe, we may get a Bill of Divorce, and part lawfully. All which your Doctor, your own Dear Doctor, cuts you off from, by ſaying, when you are married, you are married; Obey your Husbands and be D---- to you.

The next Thing that we ſhall offer to your Ladvships, is, that you Difcard the Doctor immediately, for that Heterodox DoCTRine of Hereditary Right, whereby, to your Knowledge, to many of the Eſtates in England are to be taken away from the preſent quiet Poffeffors of them, and will fet all the Eſtated Men together by the Ears, by making them enquire into the Heir-Male of their Wives Body, lawfully begotten on both fides: Whereas it is known, that there is ſuch chopping and changing among the Married People, they ſo often Preach in one another's Pulpitrs, that they muſt be content to take the Legitimacy as it at preſent stands, or eſſe undertake ſuch turning out and putting in, as would raſe a Ferment in the whole Kingdom; and therefore, Ladies, never mind the Doctor, go on your own way, get Children, the Act of Parliament knows and determines who ſhall ſucceed in the Eſtate better than the Doctor, who thus by theſe two DoCTRines would unravel all our Conſtitution: And can you bear this? You that are Protèſtant Ladies, and have the benefit of our Conqueſts abroad, Flanders Lace and Spanifh Wool? But can you bear the Inuendo? That you muſt be Paffively ty'd to a Hum-Drum all the Days of your Life, tho he won't allow you Pin-Money, or perſorm Family-Duty; nay, tho' he abufes you in the ſevereft Inſtances. Can you think of giving up Alimony, or will you allow that my L—y D—s was not lawfully Divorced; or Sir J— D— lawfully Married to another?

May it please your Ladvships, we have one thing more to offer, to induce you to Difcard this Partial Opinion which you have of the Doctor: Suppofe his Scheme ſhould ſucceed, and St. Germains be translated to London, you would find ſtrange Alterations among your Ladvships I affure you: Do you think that our Dull and Awkard Homebred English Beauty, would be able to ſtand in Competition with one of Foreign Airs and Education: No! we have been too long damn'd to out own Nation, have too much long'd for French Wines and Whores, and Interfeſts.

Not all the Proportion of M—s Body, with the fineſt Face, upon the fineſt Soulders: Not all the Sprightlines and Viva city of D—y W—s Eye, which Shoots you flying; nor the Languid Artillery of Dear Mrs F—s, where Love lies in Ambufcade, and kills as ſurely, tho' by juſt degrees: Not all the good Senſe and decent Behaviour, nor the endleſs Charms of the Beauteous Neck of Mrs L—, would ſtop the imperuous Impertinence of our English Lovers, to much condemn'd to variety.

But Ladies, if you continue True to Us, We will remain to you, and then there can be none of this Danger; nay, if you continue but true to your ſelves, in preferving that Influence which your Ladvships have over all the Men in Great Britain, Lords and Commons, Minifers of State, Gown and Sword.

(4)

Were we not affured, *Ladies*, of that Tenderneſs wherewith you will Regard humble Supplicants of your Pity to the Injured and Diftrefſd, and of your Female Honour, (all inſeparable from you) whereby you never cenſure or condemn Raby. Were we not affured from all theſe that you will hear us with great Impartiality, we who Fight for the British Constitution, we who Love, and fometimes Fight for your Ladyſhips too, we wou'd not offer this tedious Paper to your Confideration; but our great Concern for You, fo worthy a part of the Nation, (you who can ſo eafily infuinate your ſelves and your Opinions into Eſteem, with the Members of both Houſes; nay, with every Man in the Kingdom) leaſt you ſhould be abufed in your Notions by the plaufible Noife of the Doctor, &c. out of a Dutiful Regard to your Ladyſhips. We cannot but preſs you on this Occafion, not to enter rain Contradictions; not to imagine that the Miniftry is refolved to cut their own Throats, or to let the People cut them, or thofe of one another: Don't imagine that they will deftroy themſelves or their Intereft, out of a falſe Love of their Church or Country, tho fometimes Men happen to do it for Love of you.

Occafional Conformity, *Ladies*, are two bard Words, and we may no doubt with as much Manners talk to you of Pentagons and Baſtions, but ſuffer us to lead you a little out of your Ranks, that we may fet you right again, and then draw you up in Battalia, to make a Front with us, able to oppoſe and defeat thofe Perſons, who with their Hereditary Right, Paſſive-Obedience, and ſome other French Artillery, wou'd deftroy the Happineſs and Quiet of your Ladyſhips Government over us.

But where now are theſe Occafional Conformiſts, wou'd your Ladyſhips know? They are a few Mayors of Petty Towns, Jufctices of the Peace, Church-Wardens, Conſtables and Sidesmen, who can never make Latos for the Kingdom, and have no Influence over any of the Fair Sez, but the Night-Wanderers in Covent Garden and the Strand.

We beg leave therefore to affure your Ladyſhips, that the Doctor, &c. carries on Defigns which would make you tremble to hear, and which we know you are avertre to: Dream therefore no more of the Church's Danger, we and your Ladyſhips will ſupport it.

And now, Beauteous, Politick, and Pious Creatures, excufe this ill Manners of entertaining you ſo long with State Matters, hoping that this will give occafion to let us into the moſt agreeable Diversion of your Ladyſhips Wit, good Senſe, Muſick, and all the Innocent and Pretty Conſequences of Tea and Cards.

Remember then, when you fee a Soldier, what Principles you may depend on, not the Unconverſible and Rough, but the Mannerly and Eafy, and return to your former favourable Opinion of us, notwithstanding that the Doctor has ſeemingly ſo much prejudiced you againſt us.

But leaſt we ſhould invidiously appear to ſeſ procure that thing which the Doctor has in view, ſhould ſeem unjuſtly fond of Ingroffing you all to our ſelves, we declare, that we are ſo far from endeavouring to divide the Gown and Petticoat, that we will give thofe Gentlemen the faireſt Play imaginable, deſiring your Ladyſhips to inform them, that it is thro' miſtake and error that they are alarmed at this rate; that they have not ſo many Enemics as they imagine, and that thofe whom they apprehended to be ſuch, are real Friends to their Caufe and Function.

And this we intreat you to do with that tender and pretty Addreſs, which is ſo winning in your Ladyſhips, and which coming recommended by a ſoftneſs of Voice and Perſwafion of Look, with a convincingneſs of Action, and good Thoughts ſet off in proper Words, whereby your Ladyſhips are Natural Orators, and all this attended with a ſene ſcay quoy; whereby we are always diſpoſed to hear greedily and receive favourably, whatever drops from your ſweet Lips, you cannot fail of gaining thofe few Clergymen, &c. to your Ladyſhip's Interereſts and Opinion, and the true Intereft of the Kingdom.

While this, *Ladies*, is ſent to kifſ your Fair Hands, we continue, according to our unalterable and Laudable Cuitom, to remember the Church, the Queen, the Duke of Marlborough, &c. and to Toaſt all your Ladyſhip's Healths and Inclinations, provided that the Doctor has no Share in the latter.

FINIS.

Sold by A. Baldwin in Warwick-Lane. Price 2 d.