Wyncote Pa-

Aug.9th.

Ma Chere M'ms'll Viola

It is that it is that I have got ze
paralysees en fingair so that is it that it is that I can not
any more ecrire avec ma plume. I attempted to write a dinner
bid and the iknk had to be taken up in baskets. I can scarcely
produce a signature let alone write my name. This is of course
all hot air and if you object to this form of letter writing
I'll go back to the old school method of heiroglyphicixing
a la 1830 per request, but it's such a comfort to write some-
thing that I can read myself etc. ad inf.

To answer your questions : First the cat came back ,of course.
The second marvel had to go to chicago instead of Boston so
its return is still to be expected. I also have a truly scholarly
piece of work on hand namely La Chastalaine of St.Gille done
out of the Old French now prepairing for Mr Moshers refusal
at the head quaters of the Would-be-Croftigraphers in Wynnncott
( note the careful use of the word "done" )

In the mene time I live on the house and ship kids to the park
weekly. Tableau me Votre Unkle Dud ', de willy wit de specs "

with its head down one large ice cream can casting up some five
hundred bricks of that delightful melon to an equal number
of starved dagoes, showrein' blessings on them with my little
hind feet while they crawl down my neck to see if there is not
more et in the can.

I don't know that there is any new and great thing to tell
I have been running this piano for the Pater and myself half the
day. Sent one communication to the Consul of the U.S. of A.
in Warsaw. Have several jobs that I may get and wont and
the state of my being is as usual.

I have to report honored ma dame that your portrait is suitably
and advantageously hung as you have so graciously permitted.

Damrosch is free now if any body can get up enough energy to
ride five miles to hear him, guess that's all the cosas novas.

As to the yellow journalism & what's too rotten to print is
too rotten to work off on ones friends. Is it not that it is?
Chuck my regards to Miss Guen. and your mother with due solemnity
and propriety as is befitting to las donas of their station.
With a guilty sense of busting the sacred proprieties by thus
writing to you in a legible fashion,

Yours

Wyncote Pa.

Sept. 14.

My Dear Miss Viola:-

The time draweth near when it befits me to
get on the spot and answer your letter of an age or two ago.

Having made a delicate mess of about everything I have
touched this summer I await the opening of der Universitate
with gladness. I have spent four years learning to be a college
man and it seems about the only thing I can do. Choice perhaps
between that and the insane assylum although may be that isn't
so very different. The people whom I care to annoy with the
pleasure of my sassietty are beginning to come back to this part
of the world. ergo I may be able to forget that the world is a
serious thing and return to mine ancient belief that it is only a
joke. I trust that your sesion of strenuosity is about over
and that the high and mighty ones are returned to take up their
share in making guns.

Also Gwen. is sure gettin' to be a 'igh roller.
With respect to inside decorations. This is a temperance town
Circumstances alter cases. so they come in marked INK and
Soft DRINKS. and it hurts my delicate sensibilities to have
your mother cast asparaguss on my virgin abstinence. This is
mostly rot and I seem to have forgotten how to punch this type-
writer. Most of the letters being marked over each other.

SECOND FITTE.

I confess that I did attempt to write to you on real paper
with pen and ink. ButAAAAA I got covered with the slimy stuff
stuff up to my elbows and was forced to leave the conflict.

The nearest approach to an adventure that I have had recently
was the attack of a certain millionaire in his dÃ©donjon donjon keep. He has a vine and fig tree modeled after one of the
old English castles. Now it befell that having to see this
same plutocrat I gat me a cane and went up against this strong
castle upon a certain afternoon but the dragon was not at his
fire side. after battering valiantly at the door bell four
strokes there appeared some sign of life within the turret walls
and a stately dutch matron appeared and said the boss was not in.
" Put you haT Petter asg dose garten mens dey vil know more than
me" So it befell that I did go up against it in the
enevtide. when the ghost moon was a snoopin through the
black pine trees. Past the deserted lodge and under these same
darn pine trees with the owl a hootin in de wood an de bloody
dogs a bayin mournful like daown in de stables a quarter of a
mile away. an there was nary sign of light nor nawthin.
an the bally towers looked bout big as mountings in their own
shaders. an when I gits up under the front door.

I batters the bally door bell for about a week. and then the
lightse begin to get turned on. an up patters the old dutch
dame with reinforcements in the rear consisting in another

retainer and a blood hound about the size of a pianner.
an then they turns a search light on me and rubbers through the w
icket . and the dog goes ten paces to the rear and salutes
and the door opens . and then I sees his nibbs .
only it was such a anty klimax the ceilings were so high that he
looked like a ordinary man and he was only sitting on one chair
reading an ordinary ten cent magazine

Guess thats enough of that too.
Remember me to your mother and Miss Gwen.

Yours sincerely with apologies for using type
in order that you may be able to read some of what I have written
if & you want to . provided that it <del>need</del> <ins>need</ins> apology.

Wyncote Pa

Dec. 22.

Dear Billy

This being the first and last chance I have had or will
have to write a Christmas letter :: Once more to the breech -

I have not the slightest idea of what when or how a Christmas
letter is supposed to be but I have no time to meditate on my
short comings. We are having balmy spring weather with not ice
nor snow or freeze to tell us it is winter which is probably
more than your northern wilderness can do for you but I desist
from throwing bricks at your climate.

I am amusing myself with the Spanish drama chiefly, and
endless commentary on the same in several ungodly tongues in
which I am luckily preserving my interest, but which do not make
exciting special despatches.

I have a Michigan product coming this afternoon to endure
a few days of my hospitality in this quiet suburban retreat etc.

Several things will take happening this hollerdaze but I do
not expect to see the geography altered thereby.

The purpose and intent of this note is as I hinted before
to wish to you & to your mother and your sister Gwendolyn
a very humbunctiferous happy etceteriferous and altogether
decorous and a otherwise as it should be Christmas, and several
more after a due and proper time has elapsed

this
second sheet is merely to bear my august signature

there being nothing else I posess worthy of a whole sheet of paper

- incidentaly concerning tintypes you shall have one whensoever

I have any, provided the rogues gallery does not confiscate the
entire edition . On glancing over this epistle i see that most of
the letters are out of place , dont mind a trifle of that sort

this is in theory a note not an examination in typing - luckily

So long

Yours most sincerely