vi DEDICATION.

real satisfaction to me, that I have
not formed any connections with
you.

To addreſs you, my Lord, in the
name you derive from your Ancef-
tors, would be treating you, in com-
mon with thoſe who have no titles
to diſtinguifh them from the herd
of ordinary men. The moſt emi-
nent Bards, Orators, Philosophers,
and Stateſmen, have felt greater de-
light, and received an higher fame
from titles charaſteriſtic of their ex-
cellence, than imperial favour could
beſtow. Does not Mr. Garrick's cha-
acter, my Lord, derive an honour
from the application of thoſe titles
he ſo well deferves, the Reformer of
the Stage, the Great Theatrical Exam-
ple, the British Actor, &c. &c. with
which his particular name has no
more

DEDICATION. vii

more to do, than any other which
has been uſed for the purpoſes of
ſocial diſtinction? If I were to quote
to your Lordship an opinion of So-
lomon's, you might, perhaps, ima-
gine him to be a Jew-broker, a near
relation, a familiar ſervant, or a cha-
acter in a Comedy; but when I men-
tion a ſaying of the *Wife Man*, your
Lordship will immediately perceive,
by this diſtinguifhing characteriſtic
appellation, that I mean no leſs a
perſonage than *the King of Israel*.
How faint does *General Sir Jeffery*,
or even *Lord Amherſt* found, when
compared with the *Conqueror of Amer-
ica*! And how infipid is the title of
*General, Sir William*, or even *Lord
How*, on a comparifon with the *Re-
conquerors of it*—should the wiſhes of
Great Britain be compleated!

Cicero

viii DEDICATION.

Cicero and many others among the
Antients owed their names to some
personal peculiarity or defect, and
the misfortune of bandy legs gave
a well-known title to one of our own
Monarchs. I do not know, my Lord,
that Nature has been guilty of any
inattention to your form; and if she
had, it would not have concerned
me, who look to the mind as the best
source of name and title. Though,
if I had time, and it were to the
purpose, we might find it matter of
curious speculation to enquire, why
the poorest and most ignoble man
on earth, if capricious Nature has
placed a hunch upon his back, should
be honoured with the same title as
your Lordship, and without the for-
malities of a Royal Patent.

But

DEDICATION. ix

But to proceed.—The bulk of
mankind, who are incapable of nice
observation, and to whom, if they
were capable, it would be uselesst,
look not to the more intermediate
state of human character; but, pass-
ing at once to the extremes, fix their
attention on the Best and Worst of
Men. Your Lordship need not,
therefore, be afraid, that you will
escape that celebrity which I mean
to beftow by this Dedication. How-
ever, not to omit any thing which
may produce your conviction, I shall
beg leave, my Lord, to acquaint
you, that many years ago, when
mankind in general were not so en-
lightened and informed, more parti-
cularly with respect to character, as
they are at present, a Letter was
published,

x DEDICATION.

published, addressted To the Moft Im-
pudent Man Living; a title far more
vague and indeterminate than that
which I have done myself the ho-
nour of giving to your Lordship.
Nevertheless, the public eye imme-
diately discovered to whom this poor
performance, for it was a very poor
one, was addressted, though he was
sheltered, where one would think
impudence could not find a shelter,
in the bofom of the Church.

There are many in the world, who
think the perfection of their abilities
to confift in making their vices the
means of attracting the notice of
mankind. Your Lordship's own
heart will tell you, that you are one
of the number; and surely you will
think

DEDICATION. xi

think all further reafoning on this
fubject nugatory and impertinent,
when I affure you, my Lord, that
your fuccefs has been equal to your
wifhes.

However, if you are not con-
vinced by my arguments; and the
propriety of that title which my pen
has beftowed upon you ſhould be a
matter of doubt in your Lordship's
breaſt; will you, my Lord, do me
the favour to travel a few lines far-
ther, and hear my excufes for the
liberty I have taken? You will there-
fore pardon me, if I am now obliged
to turn from ſo important an objeſt
as Lord —, to ſo inconfiderable
an Individual as myſelf.

I was

xii DEDICATION.

I was not born to refine and po-
lish my own Compoſitions! The long
habit of making rapid ſketches of
men and things, has rendered me
wholly incapable of filling up an
Outline with thoſe effectual maffes
of light and ſhade, and that happy,
harmonious mixture of colours, which
diſtinguſh the work of judicious ap-
plication. I know, my Lord, that
I am a careleſs Writer: The inaccu-
racies of this Addreſs, and the pages
which ſucceed it, will, I fear, fully
prove my affertion. Nevertheless I
feel a ſelf-complacency reſulting from
this performance, unlaboured as it
may be, which I am ſure your Lord-
ship would wiſh me to poffeſs as
my ſolace and my reward. This fa-
tisfaction, therefore, I cannot ſuffer
to be diminifhed, nor my allowable
vanity

DEDICATION. xiii

vanity to be mortified, by prefixing
a name to my work, which is to be
continually ſeen in the annual pages
of the *blushing* Register, and which
you never ſuffer to be eraſed from
the Journals of your Tradesmen.

I am, my Lord, with due respect,

Your Lordship's sincere friend,

***.

THE

THE
DIABOLIAD.

THE DEVIL, grown, old, was anxious to
prepare

A fit Successor for the Infernal Chair.

At length, he fummon'd forth his chosen band;

And thus the Monarch gave his last command :

B

“ Expand

18 THE DIABOLIAD.

" Expand your fable wings, and speed to Earth!
" To every Knave of Power, and Imp of Birth,
" Statefmen and Peers, these welcome tidings tell,
" That I resolve to quit the Throne of HELL:
" But, ere I cease to reign, 'twill be my care
" From my dear Children to elect an Heir.
" For this important end, I now proclaim,
" And swear by SATAN's high and mighty name,
" That ere the pofting Sun's refplendent ray
" Dawns on the Upper World another day,
" With all terrific pomp, I will appear
" On the dark, ebon Throne of HELL, to hear
" The Claimants of its honours each display
" Their titles—to my proud, imperial fway.
" This purpose let my favourite Mortals know,
" And give them convoy to my realms below."
They heard, and inftant foar'd upon the wind;
The Infernal Regions soon were left behind.

By

THE DIABOLIAD.

19

By whirlwinds borne, they urge the rapid flight,
Till, gently fluttering round the giddy height
Of PAUL's black, footy Dome, they unob-
ferv'd alight.

In strict obedience to their King's command,
The human shape affum'd, along the STRAND
They bend their courſe, to where the Scaſſold flood
That whilom ſmok'd with ſtreams of royal blood :
And where, I truſt, if Tyrant Kings ſucceed
To ſpurn our ſacred Laws,—thoſe Kings ſhall
bleed.

Here they diſperſe:—Some take their fav'rite way
To thoſe fam'd manſions—where the Sons of Play
By trick and rapine ſhare a baſe reward;
Shake the falſe dye, and pack the ready card :
In ſolemn tone their errand they proclaim,
Their high commiſſion, and their Sovereign's name.

B2

With

20 THE DIABOLIAD.

With joy and wonder struck, the Parties rife !
[1747-1818] "Hell is worth trying for," F**\*\*\*\*\*\* cries;
Pigeons are left unpluck'd, the game unplay'd,
And F ox forgets the certain Bett he made;
E'en S--l--n feels Ambition fire his breast,
And leaves, half-told, the fabricated Jeft.

Well-pleas'd, th' Infernal Minifers resume
Their real forms, and through the midnight gloom,
On wide-stretch'd wings, the eager Claimants bore
To the dank darkneſs of the Stygian ſhore.
The reſt of Hell's induſtrious Band reſort
To the corrupted Purlieus of the Court;
To lure the Stateſman from his deep-lay'd ſcheme,
To weak the Courtier from his golden dream,
And make the ham or ai C-b-l-n desire to hold
Hell's weighty Sceptre,—for 'tis made of gold.
Sure he'd reſign for ſuch a tempting fee !
HELL's Sceptre far outweighs the Golden Key !

But

THE DIABOLIAD.

21

But cautious H****** SHRINKS, when RISKS
are run,

And leaves ſuch Honours for his ELDEST SON.

Now prowling onwards to the noisome caves
Where PROSTITUTION rules her needy ſlaves,
They tempt the Lordling, by Ambition's charms,
From the rank pleafures of a Harlot's arms ;
Then, with the Mortal Croud, they bend their
flight

To the dark realms of everlaſting Night.

Lords of the Chamber,—Minifers of State,
With Sons of Lords, and Hirelings of the Great;
Men whom the Villain only loves, the Worthy
hate;
Follow'd by Pimps, Bawds, Parafites and Whores,
In crowds, approach'd Hell's adamantine doors.

As

22 THE DIABOLIAD.

As they came onward, MERCURY the gay *
With lively greetings met them on the way ;
He was the brisk Sir Clement Cotterell of the day.

The

*If the Orthodox Critic should here observe, that I have
thrown a flight upon his Devil, by introducing so great
an Heathen as Mercury to his employment, he will dif-
cover, when he lowers his eyes to this part of the page,
that I have made the observation before him.—But,
if according to some of the ancient Christian Fathers,
his Satanic Majesty was supposed, for his own private
ends, to concern himself with the Heathen Oracles,
Sybils and Pythoneesses, I may, surely, under their re-
spectable authority, make him have occasional recourse
to another of the fame family, without the least de-
gradation. Besides, I had not one of the Rabbinical
Writers within my reach, while I was writing this
Poem, to give me the name of SATAN's Gentleman
Usher: so that, to save myself trouble, which I
at all times hate and detest, I borrowed an ac-
quaintance from the Grecian Poets.—Again, if my
Critic will but consider of whom the troop confided
which received safe conduct from this winged guide,
he must belem Mercury, who is, (Heathenly speaking)
the prefiding Genius of rogues, sharpers, &c. as pro-
perly introduced to be their conductor.—And as an
Orthodox Critic must confider all such in the light of
Heathens, my application to the Pagan Mythology will
not appear so malapropos as he at first imagined.

THE DIABOLIAD.

23

The winged God thrice wav'd his magic wand!
The massive doors acknowledg'd his command;
And, to the Claimants wond'ring Eyes, difplay'd
SATAN in all his gloomy pomp array'd.

High, in his throne, on golden columns rear'd,
The venerable King of Hell appear'd.

In his right Hand a weighty mace he bore,
And on his brow a regal crown he wore;
Begirt around with spiral flames, which shed
A silver luftre o'er his aged head.

Beneath the Throne, arrang'd in order, fat
The long eftablifh'd Council of the State.
In every hand the flaming torches wave,
And caft their splendor through th' imperial cave.
High in the vault the fiery Dragons fhone,
And Monfters, whose dire shape was never known
To mortal fantasy,—when, Reafon flown,
Fear fills the mind with fpectres of her own.
With flaky flames the diffant region glow'd,
Whofe angry light, in all their horrors, shew'd

Thofe

24 THE DIABOLIAD.

Thofe fields of fire where guilty Spirits dwell,
And in loud ceafelefs fhrieks their anguifh tell,
Nor refpit know :—Hope cannot enter there,
To calm their forrows or to soothe defpair.

With horrid lingor now the clarion founds;
Through the dark dome the jarring thunder bounds.
Then roſe the King;—and all th' Infernal Croud
With threefold reverenceto their Monarch bow'd.
Throughout the Court the expeſing murmur ran,
But ſoon was hufh'd;—when SATAN thus began.

“Thouſands of years have pafs'd ſince, firſt,
“ I ſell
“Into the deep abyſ of ſaming Hell;
“And many an age ſince my Almighty Foe
“Gave me dominion in theſe realms below.
“Ambition's Slave, from Heaven I was hurl'd
“Down to the depths of this Infernal World.
“Tho' Heaven was loft, Ambition ſtill poffeſs'd
“Its darlimg Empire in my haughty breaſt.
“ My

THE DIABOLIAD. 25

“My Tribes, wth fruitleſs expeſtation chear'd,
“And Patriot zeal, this gloomy palace rear'd—
“Here fix'd my throne,—here formed my
“ awful ſtate,
“And to my will reſigned their future fate.
“But, cloy'd with power, my Ambition's o'er;
“The boafed charms of Empire are no more!
“Hear then my Children, hear your Sire de-
“ clare,
“Of Hell's dominions He ſhall be the Heir,
“Whofe paſt life bore the moſt obdurate crimes;
“Who gave new vigour to degenerate times;
“Falſe to his God, who every Law defy'd,
“Thief, Traytor, Hypocrite and Parricide;
“Let him who claims theſe Titles as his own,
“Come forward, prove his claim,—and take
“the crown.”

The Monarch ceas'd!—F*** foremost ſtood
And wav'd his hand to hufh the murmuring crowd.

26 THE DIABOLIAD.

Then graceful bow'd around; but, ere he spoke,
SATAN again the awful silence broke :

“ Well-meaning Youth ! thy great and noble
“ aim

“ Deferves remembrance in the rolls of Fame !

“ But know, for to thyself 'tis yet unknown,

“ These Characters of Ill thou canst not own.

“ Within the deep recesses of thy breast

“ The pregnant feeds of many a virtue reft.

“ Now baneful passions do their place supply,

“ And check their progres's to maturity.

“ The feverish ardor of disaftrous Game

“ Burns with a furious, unrelenting flame ;

“ And daily seeks to quench its parching thirst

“ By deeds eſteem'd the nobleft and the firſt

“ In Hell's black Calendar.—The foul deſign

“ To make another's wealth, by treachery, thine;

To

THE DIABOLIAD.

27

“ To charm, with pleafing arts, the artleſs Heir,
“ To call thee friend,—then lay th' un-
erring ſnare,
“ Pocket his fleeting gold,—and leave him
“ to defpair.

“ But I, who every diſtant Age can fee,

“ Whofe keen look kens the vaſt Futurity,

“ Ill-pleas'd thy alter'd character behold,

“ No more by hungry Appetites controll'd ;

“ From every hateful vice and paſſion free,

“ Lov'd by the Gods above—and loſt to Me !

“ Farewel!—Thy well-meant efforts will be
“ vain!

“ Cherubs attend to bear thee back again!”

In order due, VOLPONE next appear'd;

Loofe was his hair, unfhaven was his beard :

O'er his whole face was ſpread a yellow hue,
Borrow'd, perhaps, from ſome relenting Jew

Not

[1749-1806]

28 THE DIABOLIAD.

Not anxious to be paid.—Gold he had none;
Th' inverted pocket told that all was gone.
But ere he made his claim to Hell's rewards,
His right hand wav'd aloft the fatal Cards.
Then, smiling, thus he spoke:—" All-gracious
" power!

" Who from my natal to the prefent hour,
" Didft o'er my life, with foftering care, prefide,
" My Friend, my Guardian, and my faithful
" Guide!

" How weak the Tafk my Actions to review!

" You know them all, dread Sir, they sprung
" from You!

" And now, I truft, 'tis You alone fuggeft

" The great, determined purpose of my breast,

" To try my chance, at this important hour,

" And flake my Soul againft your lov'reign
" power—

" Who

THE DIABOLIAD.

29

" Who wins have both."—" Thy foul's al-
" ready mine,"

SATAN replied:—" and I this day affign

" Thy earthly duty.—Hence, begone, to bait,

" With maſtiff zeal,—a Minifter of State."

" Poor C— dismifs'd, next comes a noble
Peer,
Crooms, Pimps, and Link-boys, give the triple
cheer.

His right hand bore a Horſe ſhoe and a Bit;
His left, a Book by Angelona writ;

To whole ſ fair pages—anxious after fame,
His Lordſhip ventur'd to prefix his name.

A Wife complain'd that matrimonial dues
Were nightly waſted in the wanton ſtews;

A Friend lamented how he was beguil'd,

And mourn'd a ruin'd and forſaken Child;*

While

30 THE DIABOLIAD.

While two attendant Parfons boldly fware,
They never wanted—but he paid the Whore:
Then loud proclaim'd his knowledge in the
wiles
Of drabby Drury and of low St. Giles.
E'en Saint-like GODBY blasts her eyes, and
swears,
P****'s the moft abandon'd of his Peers *.

* This noble person, verging to that time of life when he may fay of the Brothels, “ I myſelf have no pleafure “ in them,” is fond of introducing Gentlemen of the Black Cloth and Charaſter into theſe places, where he enjoys the contemplation of their pleafures, and pays for them. Mrs. Godby’s piety ſuffers very much upon theſe occafions, and can only be equalled by his L****’s refinement, which is ſo univerſally known, that I expeſt every day to hear of its being ſnug in a proverb.

It is not impoſſible that the ſcene of the two M**dy co**ts,
Father and Son, may be acted over again, and again,
when a certain young Nobleman returns from his tra-
vels.

Godby's Noſturnals, p. 116.

N. B. The

THE DIABOLIAD.

31

His Vouchers done, with ſimper on his cheek
He ſilent ſlood;—for P****** cannot
speak;
When the ſage Council, with one voice de-
clare—
“Rough-riders would diſgrace a regal Chair.”

Without one Virtue that can grace a name;
Without one Vice that e'er exalts to Fame;
The despicable B******** next appears,
His boſom panting with its ufual fears:
He ſtrives in vain,—and fruitleſs proves the art,
To hide, with vacant ſmile, the treacherous
heart.

The

N. B. The manuſcript from which this laſt note is
taken, will make its appearance in due time, and unfold
ſome transaſtions which the world little thinks of.

32 THE DIABOLIAD.

The faithful HARRY * stands not by his side,
His learned Counsel, and his constant guide;

Who

* This young Nobleman's character is, in every respect, a striking contrast to his *brother*; but the following Anecdote will give a very strong explanation of my idea concerning him.—When Mr. C., proposed him to be elected into one of the fashionable clubs, he was almost universally black-balled. Mr. F., who at that time had great interest there, was much surprised that his friend should be thus rejected: But as he concluded, and not without reason, that the universal disgust in which the family of his Friend was held had prevented his successes, he proposed him again, with a declaration, on his honour, that Mr. C. had not one quality in common with any of his family. The event justified Mr. F.'s penetration, on the second Ballot not a single black-ball appeared again in his friend.— This Anecdote has been asserted to me as fact: But be that as it may, the principle of it is founded in truth, and serves the purpose of doing justice to a most amiable Character, whose great merit the Author of these pages, who sincerely loves him, is glad to attest.

THE DIABOLIAD.

33

Who for an hard earn'd, narrow competence,
Supplies his tongue with words, his head with
sense.

At length, recovered from his huge affright,
He, stammering, reads the Speech he did not
write:

> "Curst with hereditary love of self,
> "I hate all human beings but myself;

C

“Crofs

† It is not uncommon for an avaricious Father to fad-
dle a younger Brother for a maintenance on the elder,
especially if he has a place. And if the latter should
poffefs an hereditary bafeneſs, he will carry on the fpi-
rit of conditionalizing, and infiſt that the former ſhall,
in return, give him the uſe of his understanding. It
too often happens that elder brothers want fpirit and
understanding, and that younger ones who have both
in an eminent degree, ſtand in need of a provifion. It
is hard that Worth and Genius ſhould be ſo ſituated!
but this is among the ſore evils under the Sun!

34 THE DIABOLIAD.

“ Crofs and perplex my wife, becaufe she
prov'd,

“ Poor girl!—not rich enough to be belov'd.

“ But all return my hate:—where'er I go,

“ My coward eye beholds a ready foe.

“ And tho' to Earth's extremes my feet I
“ bend,

“ These arms would ne'er embrace a real
“ friend.

“ When my breast throbs with unrelenting
“ grief,

“ No friendly Spirits bring the kind relief.

“ If I sink down beneath oppreffing pain,

“ Surrounding foes rejoice as I complain.

“ I'm fcoff'd by thofe, who from my hand
“ have prov'd

“ That kindneſs which would make another
“ lov'd;

“ Men,

THE DIABOLIAD.

35

“ Men, who to other Patrons bend their
“ knee,

“ Are proud of their Ingratitude to me.

“ Thus, without Friends on earth, I humbly
“ fue

“ To find, my gracious Liege, a Friend in
“ you.

“ Hated by all,—I'm fit to be allied

“ To your Imperial State!”—The King re-
plied:

“ If vacant ſmiles and hypocritic air

“ Could form pretenſions to this ſov'reign
“ Chair;

“ If my pale Crown by meanneſs could be
“ won,

“ Who'd have ſo fair a claim as H
“ Son?

C 2

“ But

36 THE DIABOLIAD.

" But Meannefs is a Vice which Devils dif-
" dain !

" Should'ft thou attempt, bafe Mortal, here
" to reign,

" To wield this Sceptre,—and to wear my
" Crown;

" Th' infernal Hoft would rife to caft thee
" down,

" With furious zeal, where outcaft Spirits
" lie,

" In the dark dens of gnafling Infamy.

" Such minds as thine,—Obferve the truth I
" tell !

" Find neither Friends on Earth,—nor Friends
" in Hell.

Appall'd

THE DIABOLIAD. 37

Appall'd the haplefs Lordling sneak'd away,
And Harpies hifs'd him to the realms of Day *.

The

* Several of my friends who were kind enough to approve, and, indeed, enforce the publication of this little Work, feemed to think that I had frustrated my intention of marking the insignificance of this Character, by giving so many lines to the delineation of it. But as the bold strokes are more easily imitated than the finer pencillings of nature, thofe colourlefs bad qualities which have not sufficient strength or fpirit to into daring, manly vice, require a great length of defcription to impreſs them properly on the attention of the Reader. Indeed, it is my serious opinion, that this man's life would be a profitable leſſon to the world, to prove, that meannefs of fpirit, though unaccompanied by any bold, open violations of virtue, will ever be more contemptible, obnoxious, and diſtressing, than any of thofe public vices which are ſeldom wholly unconnected with ſome fort of principle, and often originate from the fame source with many virtues. The ebullitions of youth, the ſpur of neceſſity, the prevalence of example may hurry to enormities. In theſe cafes, however, the caſe is not always difficult to be removed, and frequently removes itſelf. The effects will then cease, and honour and virtue return.

But

## 38 THE DIABOLIAD.

The murmurs hush'd,—the Herald straight
proclaim'd
S--LYN the witty next in order nam'd.

But

But a mean fpirit, as in this example, is a low,
sneaking, bafe, fixed propensity to what is bad, which
it loves; and yet is compelled by its fears to affume the
fembrance of good, which it hates. It is wholly in-
corrigible, and attends the Character it has once poſſeſ-
ed through every degree of flation and of life; and is
very seldom or never known to rife into momentary cou-
rage or fpirit; unleſs ſuicide, to which it has fome-
times applied for a diſmiffion from univerſal contempt,
may be confidered as examples of them.

But this ſubject, which I have already extended be-
yond the limits of a note, ſhall be confidered in a ſepa-
rate publication, illuſtrated and proved by anecdotes of
the Character before me when he was at School, the
Univerſity, in France, Ireland, Warwickthire, and
London; as a School-boy, a Collegian, a Traveller, a
Secretary, a Militia-commander, a Hufband, and ſo
on to the preſent times,—with collateral relations.

## THE DIABOLIAD.

39

But He was gone to hear the difmal yells
Of tortur'd Ghoſts and suffering Criminals.
Tho' ſummon'd thrice, he choſe not to re-
turn,
Charm'd to behold the crackling Culprits
burn.
With GEORGE, all know Ambition muſt give
place,
When there's an Execution in the cafe.*

Then

* I would not be guilty of injustice to any Character. George does not want humanity! nay, he has an uncommon portion of this virtue: it extends even to the gallows; and is well known to have bedewed his cheeks with tears at the lamentable fate of that pious personage, commonly called, *Sixteen-String Jack*. And I may venture to affert, that he never ſaw a man hang'd in his life, but when the *ſport was over*, he would have been really happy to have reſtored him to life. It requires a kind of knowledge which every-body does not poſſeſs, to reconcile the apparent contradictions in the

40 THE DIABOLIAD.

Then in Succession came a Peer of words,
Well known—and honour'd in the House of
Lords,

Whose

the human character. However, I shall not, at prefent,
enter further upon the subject than to observe, that
there are certain propensities in the mind, which, being
long indulged, become irrefittible, and stand between
Men and their best interests. All the World knows
that Mr. S. is attached to gaming, and that when
he games, he wishes to win. And there are many will
tell you, that this love of play, when it has taken root,
becomes the leading, if not the sole, propensity of the
human breast. But in the Character before me, there
is an evident example of two leading propensities in the
fame mind, which, upon certain occasions, form a spi-
rit of accommodation, and blend with each other. This
very Gentleman, though he had made a very confi-
derable bet that he should not be at a certain execution,
was, notwithstanding, discovered to be actually pre-
fent at the spectacle, dressed like an old woman, in a
joseph and bonnet, and feated on horseback, &c. &c.
This is a twofold irrefittible propensity! Nevertheless,
George is a man of humanity.

THE DIABOLIAD.

41

Whose Eloquence all Parallel defies!

So SANDWICH fays, and SANDWICH never
lies.

No doubt, the partial Earl delights to see,
In this young Lord, his own Epitome.

Behind him came, in Regimentals dreft,
The brazen *Gorget* hanging on his breast,

Th' obsequious Cousin, ready to obey,

With solemn look the conscious Peer began
Thus to addrefs the *Military Man* :

" Friend, Cousin, Pimp, or by whatever
" name

" You would be *blasted* by the trump of
" Fame,

" Approach, and lend me now unusual aid!

" You, my brave Soldier, never are afraid,

" But

42

THE DIABOLIAD.

" But when the critic brows of Ladies frown :

" With thy affiance, I shall mount the
" Throne;

" And then, to thee, my Coz, thefe Powers
" shall bend,

" Their Monarch's favourite Counsellor and
" Friend,

" Oft at thy curious vice I've ftood a-
" maz'd,

" While half-fledg'd Subalterns, with wonder,
" gaz'd.

" Of you, their fage Lieutenant, Enfigns learn

" The weakneſs of all Virtue to diſcern!

" You fill their brains with Honour and Re-
" nown;

" And teach them how to live—upon the
" Town;

" To

THE DIABOLIAD.

43

" To whore, to bully, to blaſpheme, to
" game,

" To ſcorn the boyifh bluſh and honeſt
" ſhame;

" And having vers'd them in each common
" evil,

" Lead them to Maſques to perſonate the
Devil:

" Their grateful Parents will your pains re-
" quite,

" And fill the Boxes on an Author's Night.

" 'Twas you unlock'd a pious Parent's doors

" For Panders, Gameſters, Whores, and Sons
" of Whores;

" And, with uncommon filial duty bleſt,

" Sent her from Hell on earth, in Heaven to
" reſt.

" But

44 THE DIABOLIAD.

" But to my purpose. — In the world
" above,

" Bound by resembling characters and love,

" We liv'd together, and together stray'd

" In Vice's public walk and secret shade.

" I found thee apt in every artful wile,

" Proud to defame, and eager to beguile.

" Whene'er I figh'd to practise a Deceit,

" In thee, my Coz, I found the ready Cheat.

" Whene'er I wanted Falsfehood to supply

" The place of Truth,—you found the ready
Lie.

" When, to give spirit to some tedious hour

" I wifh'd to see the Pedant Parson lower,

" To make the Simple fture, the Virtuous
" figh, —

" Your tongue pour'd forth the ready Blas-
" pheny.

" But

THE DIABOLIAD. 45

" But now the scene is chang'd; that farce is
" o'er,

" And e'en your Falsfehood will affift no more.

" Start not at what I fay,—well-temper'd
" Youth!

" Be not alarm'd,—you now muſt ſpeak the
" truth.

" Look not so pale, 'twill ſuit your nature
" well;

" You ly'd on Earth, and you ſpeak truth in
" Hell."

This chear'd him much, and made his cheeks
to glow,

And fav'd his bosom from the threat'ning
woe;

Which when his Lordſhip ſaw, in haughty
tone

He thus laid claim to the Infernal Throne.

" Is

46 THE DIABOLIAD.

" Is there a guilty deed I have not done ?

" What fay you, Coz ?" The Captain an-
fwer'd, " None !"

" Have I not whor'd myself, and made thee
" whore ?

" Confirm it with an oath !"—The Captain
fwore.

" Have I not acted every Villain's part ?

" Have I not broke a Noble Parent's heart ?

" By deeds of ill have I not seem'd to live ?"

The Captain gave a bold affirmative.

" Do not I daily boast, how I've betrayed

" The tender Widow, and the virtuous Maid ?

" These ferious crimes you know, and many
" more:

" Swear, Sir !"—By Egypt's Queen the Cap-
tain fwore !

(The

THE DIABOLIAD. 47

(The Queen who lur'd him to disgrace his
cloth,
And gave him bread, now serv'd him for an
oath).

But as he spoke, there issued from the
croud,

Inham

****** the bafe, the cruel, and the proud;
And eager cried, " I boaft fuperior claim

Inham

" To Hell's dark Throne, and ****** is
" my name.

" What, shall that stripling Lord contend
" with me ?

" I have four Sons as old and bad as he !

" Whate'er he fwears, I'll fwear—he fays, I'll
" fay !

" And look, All-gracious King, my hairs are
" grey !"

Th'

["48 THE DIABOLIAD.", "Th' aftenish'd Demons on each other gaz'd,\nAnd SATAN's felf fat filent and amaz'd;\nRevolving, in his dubious mind, the ftate\nAnd crimes of each afpiring Candidate;\nWhen clanking chains, and doleful fhrieks were\nheard,\nAnd injur'd ********'s raving Ghoft ap-\npear'd *:\nHis boſom heav'd with many a torturing figh,\nAnd bloody ſtreams guſh'd forth from either\neye.", "With", "* See the *Letters of Junius*, where that able Writer has obſerved, with his ufual ſpirit and good ſenſe, upon this guilty tranſaction. *Junius* felt for human nature, and would not ſuffer his pen to trace all the particulars of it. To degrade the Criminal, they ſhould be re-membered; but for the ſake of humanity, they had better be ſorgotten.", "THE DIABOLIAD.", "49", "With piteous look he did a Tale unfold,\nBlack with fuch horrid deeds, that, being told,\nHell's craggy vaults with acclamations ring,\nAnd joyful fhouts of —— “ * * * * * * * * * * * *

THE
DIABO-LADY:
OR,
A MATCH IN HELL.
A
POEM.
DEDICATED TO THE
WORST WOMAN
IN
HER MAJESTY'S DOMINIONS.

O Faireft of Creation, laft and beft
Of all God's works, creature in whom excelled
Whatever can to fight or thought be formed,
Holy, divine, good, amiable, or sweet!
How art thou loft!

MILTON.

LONDON:
Printed: And DUBLIN Reprinted. 1777.

DEDICATION

TO THE
WORST WOMAN

IN
HER MAJESTY'S DOMINIONS.

MADAM, or, MY LADY,

AS I am happily but little acquainted with Ladies in high life, I confess myself perfectly ignorant either of your rank or demerits; which

DEDICATION.

which has reduced me to the auk-
ward neceffity of this vague and in-
definite addrefs. The character
above defcribed will, no doubt, be
feverally and particularly applied,
according to the World's guefs,
knowledge, or malevolence; and a
certain confciouſneſs in ſome female
breaſts, may poffibly make them
conclude themſelves to be the per-
fons obliquely aimed at in this
place; but I hereby declare, that I
had no ſpecific Female in view when
I fat down to write this Dedication;
and ſhall therefore refer my fair
Readers to the known Adage of,
Qui capit, ille fecit; which, for their
fakes, I ſhall tranſlate, by a fynoni-
mous

DEDICATION.

mous English Proverb, *Whom the*
*Cap fits, e'en let them wear it.*

The following Verses, be affured
of it, Madam, are the firſt Juve-
nalian Lines I ever compoſed, in
my life; but being a fort of Knight-
errant in my Nature, I confefs I
felt myself confiderably piqued, for
the honour of your ſex, upon pe-
rufing a Poem called The DIABO-
LIAD, lately published; and not
feeing any manner of reaſon, why
or wherefore Women have not as
good a right, where equal merits
appear, to be damned to everlaſt-
ing fame, as well as Men, I have
thus boldly ventured to enter the
lifts

DEDICATION.

lifts of Chivalry againft that par-
tial Author, and meafure my lance
with his, in the extenfive *Campus*
*Martius* of Satire.

“ Tremble, thou wretch !

“ That haſt within thee undi-
“ vulged crimes,

“ Unwhipt of juſtice!”

We neither of us pretend to ſtile
ourſelves Poets (I ſpeak for my-
felf, at least); so that to carry on
the alluſion above made, we may
be confidered rather as *Squires*, than
*Knights*, in this ſpecies of literature.
But as Indignation is faid to in-
ſpire

DEDICATION.

ſpire Verſe, we have equally, and
I think commendably too, expressed
our ſentment againſt the nume-
rous vices and groſs immoralities of
the times.

The example of Superiors is a
a matter of great moment to the
inferior classes of mankind. The
vices of the Great naturally de-
ſcend; but those of the Vulgar fel-
dom rife. People of rank muſt
ſloop to them, ere they receive the
infection. The depravity of a fin-
gle Peer or Peereſs, about St. James's,
diffuses more poisonous effects thro'
the Town, than all the profligacy
of St. Giles's.

Poffibly,

DEDICATION.

Possibly, the corrupt manners of
the present age may not exceed
those of former times; but there
is this peculiar distinction to be
observed between them, that, upon
a comparison, the purity, virtue
and decorum, of our King and
Queen form so striking a Con-
traft with the Corruption of man-
ners among the generality of our
Nobility, and other respectable ranks
of life, in this kingdom, as may
render the Modern Libertinism and
Indecencies of this Nation, more
apparently remarkable, than those
of our Predecessors. Charles and
his Court were of a Piece—
George and his are of a quite dif-
ferent Pattern.

The

DEDICATION.

The strictest and most comprehensive laws of Men, cannot be so aptly framed as to apply a remedy, orfcourge, to many of the crimes and enormities daily practised in the world. Satire, therefore, is an useful Supplement to legislation. When a Culprit escapes out of the hands of justice, he should always be hanged in effigy. This resource, then, in some fort, serves to supply the Office of CENSOR, which it was thought necessary to establish in the antient Common-wealth of Rome.

The sharp pen of Aretin once
made most of the Sovereign Princes
of

DEDICATION.

of Europe his tributaries; and the
keen Iambics of Archilochus and
Hipponax, who, without vanity I
may fay, were not better Poets
than we, are faid to have driven
the persons who were the sub-
jects of them, to such acts of
desperation, as to hang and drown
themselves. I should be forry to
hear of so tragical an effect being
produced by the lines of my spi-
rited Compeer or me; for though
I bear hatred to vice, I harbour
no malevolence, even to the vi-
cious; but if our strictures should
conduce towards the reformation,
the contrition, or repentance, of
the several objects of our reproof,
we may be faid to have perform-
ed

DEDICATION.

ed fome service, at least, to the
Common-wealth of Morals. Such
as they are, you are moft heartily
welcome to them; and that you
may receive the full benefit of
their intention is the sincere wifh
of,

MADAM, or, My LADY,

Your moft humble

And obedient Servant,

BELPHEGOR.

ADVERTISEMENT.

BY THE
EDITORS.

WHEN the following Poem was put into
our hands, we thought it neceffary to write
Notes on fome of the paflages, in order to
render the Text more clear and intelligible;
for though the Author, in his Preface, takes
the liberty of comparing himſelf to Juvenal,
we are of opinion that he more reſembles
Perſius; whole writings are both more ſevere,
and obſcure. But in ſome places, indeed, he
has ſpoken rather too plain; which has in-
duced us to leave out ſeveral of his lines, as
may be ſeen by the afteriſks, in ſome of the
following pages.

E

THE
DIABO-LADY.

Nec tibi regnandi veniat tam dira cupido;
Quamvis Elysios miretur Græcia campos,
Nec repetita sequi curet Proserpina matrem.
VIRG. Georg. I.

\*\* now feated on the Infernal Throne, (a)
Thought it not good the DEVIL should be alone ;
And

(a) See The Diaboliad, last line.

70 THE DIABOL LADY.

And so resolved to marry, if a Wife,
Fit Confort, could be found, to match his life.

" Shall I, said he, who never obeyed a God,
" Observe his precepts in my own abode;
" Refrain my acts within the Christian scope,
" And whore in celibacy, like the Pope?
" What tho' I'm head of that Hierarchical
" Scheme,
" Which deems it sin in Prieft to quench their
" flame
" In Marriage rites; yet Modern Records tell,
" Tho' made in Heaven, they are confirmed in
" Hell.
" Since fuch the present state of Wedlock, I,
" As Prieft and Devil, will the adventure try.
" Besides the Pagan fylem is my Creed,
" And in that antient ritual all may read,
" That

THE DIABOL LADY.

71

" That Pluto our great Prototype, had wed
" A mortal female to his throne and bed." (b)

He said; then sent his Imps thro' Earth to
rove,
And chuse a Paramour for SATAN's love
The ready Minifters of Hell's commands
Obedient fly, and take their several stands
At COURT, CORNELY's, and the COTERIE;
Where Vice, more vicious by effrontery,
Fearlefs, unblushing, braves the eternal laws

Of

(b) The Poet may poffibly be reprehended here, by
fome Critics or Divines, for the confufion of theology
that may be objected to this paffage. But as the good
old proverb fays, that *Example is better than precept*, we
fhall refer his defence, firft, to Arifto, or Taffio, I for-
get which, for I am but a poor fcholar in the baflard
Latin Authors, where the Heathen mythology and the
Christlian fyftem are mixed together in the fame ſcene;
and, next, to Rubens, who in his Luxemburgh Gallery
has made Hymen and St. Denis (I think it is) jointly
prefide at the marriage of Henry IV.

72 THE DIABO-LADY.

Of GOD and MAN, to aid the DEVIL's caufe.
From theſe reſorts the Imps of SATAN chofe
So hopeful a Seraglio, that 'twould pofe
The DEVIL himſelf to judge the equal claims
To Hell's Sultanafship, between ſuch Dames;
Who eager all to obtain Infernal ſway,
In order thus prefer their ſeveral plea.

Margaret Caroline

Add

First * appeared, and to conviction ſwore,
Her ſmallest crime was that of being Whore;
Adultery ſhe added to her plan,
Defying equally both God and Man;
In forgery and perjury owned ſuch art,
She palmed the Gold, while others paid the
ſmart :
And left her juſt pretences ſhould be vain,
The *Adelphi* P** (c) vouch the tragic ſcene.

SATAN

homos randland

(c) Sir T** F** too might have sufficiently ſup-
ported the fame evidence; but, by his not being men-
tioned in this caufe, 'tis to be ſuppoſed that his avocations
in 'Change-Alley had prevented his appearance *yet* in
Court.

THE DIABO-LADY.

73

SATAN with pleafure heard the ſhocking tale,
But inward grieved ſuch merits there ſhould fail;
“ The Vice defeats itſelf,” replied the DEVIL,
“ That makes examples to deter from evil.”

Lady Groome nor

Next * * forward came, as frail as fair,
And urged her ſuit with confidential air :
“ Tho’ nobly born,” ſhe cried, “ and high in life,
“ A ſpotleſs Maiden, and an honoured Wife,
“ Yet ſcorning theſe, I ſpurned ſuch humble
“ fame,
And boldly ſacrificed a Matron’s name :
“ My first ſamour was with a Youth of Blood; (d)
“ But here I would not have it underſtood,
“ That

(d) Left the equivocation of Titles might lead our
readers to miftake the perſon, we think it proper to ac-
quaint them that this Galant was not the hero of C***,
but the one who going to bed by himſelf, was ſurprized,
when he awoke, at finding himſelf by himſelf quite alone.
See certain Love-Letters upon record.

74 THE DIABO-LADY.

“ That 'twas Ambition made me aim so high,
“ No—'twas to aggrandize my infamy;
“ I chose, to shew all senſe of virtue loſt,
“ A Swain who nought but pedigree could
“ boast :

Aſk treach'rous D**, if you doubt my
“ word,

“ Who firſt abetted, then approved (e) me
“ whored,

“ And ſtampt the ſhame ſhe (f) had herself
“ procured.

“ A firſt amour is ſeldom found the laſt,

“ From hand to hand thro' low intrigues I
“ paſt;

“ Till

(e) One of the ſenſes of this verb is, in a legal ſenſe,
to accuſe, to inform againſt, or conſiſt; from whence the
Noun Approver. This note had been unnecessary, if
Lexiphanes, among the other negleſts in his pompous
Diſtionary, had not left this article imperfect.

(f) A certain Lady of quality who was a confidant in
the amour, and afterwards proved the Crim. Con. in
Court. Countess Dunhoſſ

THE DIABO-LADY.

75

“ Till fatiating the public eye, leſs rare,

“ I ceaſed at length to be the *public care*. (g)

“ Yet being resolved thro' all mankind to rove,

“ I, when neglected, proffered love for love; (h)

“ And tho' an Earl's Coronet I ſtill poſſeſt,

“ *Corona Veneris* (i) was my favourite Creft.”

She paufed; when SATAN, with decision
nice,
Deemed theſe but petty-larcenies in vice;
She pilfered from herſelf, ſhe injured none,
And therefore was unfit to grace his throne.

“ Thy

(g) *Publica cura*—an expression made use of by Horace,
for a Courtean, L. II. Od. 8.

(h) This was apparently the cafe at a late Masque-
rade.

(i) This is not the Myrtle Wreath with which the
*Venus Amica* crowns her Votaries, but a certain *Front-
let*, with which her Baſtard Sifter, the *Venus Meretrix*,
is uſed to fligmatize her Devotees.

76 THE DIABO-LADY.

" Thy deeds have been so very mean, he cried,
They but prefer you to be ** 's bride: (k)
" Besides, to credit your first Shame we're loath,
" As being acquitted on a Bible-Oath." (l)

Ligonier

The next that rose was wanton ***,
With front assured, and draped *en Cavalier*:
A ***(m) led her forth, Jack H***(n) followed,
While Grooms and Jockeys in full chorus halloed.
The tale she told 'twere needles to repeat,
'Twas Messalina's history compleat;
She

(k) See The Diaboliad, page 31, 2d paragraph.

(l) The Story is upon record, and therefore requires no note.

(m) A foreign Count with whom she had her first public amour.

(n) A postilion with whom she had her second.

THE DIABO-LADY.

77

She loved to ride, and to be ridden too,
And came prepared to give *the Devil his due*.

Old ** (o) trembled at such vigorous boast,
And quick dismissed her from the Stygian
coast.
To **'s Cafe in point, (p) he thus alludes,
"Rough Riders, male or female, HELL ex-
cludes."

Then with a high and all-commanding air,
Slowly advancing, ***, once fair,
Appeared in distant view. The Cyprian Dame,
Efcorted by her MARS, (q) afpired to claim

The

(o) See the Diaboliad, 1st page, and 1st line.

(p) See the Diaboliad, p. 31, first paragraph.

(q) We confess ourselves to be in doubt whether
the Poet alludes to *general C**, or to the Secretary at
War, in this passage.

x William, 2nd Viscount Barrington

78 THE DIABO-LADY.

The vacant Crown; but haply on her way,
Perceiving in a nook some Imps at play,
She turned aside, to learn some sleight of hand,
To cut, or shuffle, and the game command;
Some new device, some yet-unpractised cheat,
To cozen, pilfer, and the Rook compleat.

This gave advantage to a rival Quean
To take her place, and prior audience gain.

Hathmoer now preffed before, and claimed defert,
For having broke a too fond husband's heart;
Yet to the joys of marriage-rites still true,
Ere one was dead, she had engaged with
two: *

And

THE DIABO-LADY.

79

And like Quiteria in Cervantes' Tale,
The bleeding Basil wed, Camacho (r) left to
rail:

But timorous **, in a fore affright,
Hearing the desperate prowefs of her Knight,
Replied, "I dare not to this match agree,
" Who fights my Priests, (s) would play the
" Devil with me."

Then

(r) And his railing has had good effect, we hear,
as the Don has got ten thoufand pieces, and a good
riddance into the bargain, for a releafe of contract.
This is the fecond Suitor this Heroine bought off. The
firft was one to whom she had been affianced by her
father's will, and who pioufly attending to the advice
of Solomon, Leave off Contention before it be meddled
with, remitted his claim upon that Condition.

(s) This alludes to a late extraordinary Duel; but

80 THE DIABO-LADY.

Then next moved forward, waddling on her
stumps,
A weight to put poor Atlas to his trumps;
A Dame that late had puzzled heraldry
To say what Alias it should stile her by;
Who, had she been but born in days of
yore,
Would have given Hercules one labour more;
For sure no mortal Might for her was able,
But his who cleansed the foul Augean Stable.

By

we cannot see why the Poet has taken the liberty of
putting the Noun into the Plural Number here; for
the Member of the Church Militant in that martial
strife, is but one; and we cannot suppofe our Author
meant to compliment him with the name of Legion—
Nor is that Reverend Person yet in poſſeffion of Plu-
ralities, either. In our Second Edition perhaps we
may be able to explain this matter further.

THE DIABO-LADY.

81

By Nature wanton, false, and prone to ill,
Beauty she had, and wicked wit at will;
Confident still in Vice, from first to last,
Thro' scenes of many-coloured (t) life she paft.
Not brooking long in amorous flames to
burn,
She whored or wedded, as it served her
turn;
She married and unmarried as she pleafed,
While Lords (u) and Doctors Commons Stood
amaz'd!
But now grown wiser, she refolv'd to fix
Her feat of empire on the banks of Styx;

F

But

(t) An Epithet of Doctor Johnson's, in his Pro-
logue to the opening of Drury-Lane Theatre.

(u) The House of Lords.

## 82 THE DIABO-LADY.

But first enquired, " Are any here who knew
" A Devil on Earth, whom Men call Le
Boiteux ? (x)

" For vengeance on him, even to Hell's-gates (y) I come;

" And know, my Liege, I'm just arrived
" from Rome: (z)

"On

(x) Our Ariftophanes, or Devil upon Two Sticks, with whom this Lady held a fort of Mountebank Correspondence, upon the occafion of a Piece of his then coming out, in which some part of her private hiftory of public notoriety, was to be exhibited on the stage.

(y) The Author, we suppose, meant here to allude to one of her Letters upon the above occafion; but he is mistaken in the paflage; the Lady did not promife to carry her complaifance fo far. As well as we can recollect, ſhe only mentioned that ſhe would attend him to Tyburn, and then leave him to ſhift for himſelf, and go to the Devil his own way.

(z) She had lately a villa near that City, and lived in great intimacy with the Pope.

## THE DIABO-LADY.

83

" On earth he made my Hell; and have
" not I,

" As Satan's Queen, (a) a right to make
" him fry ?

" What music to my ears, to hear him
" yell,

" And make his Trip to Calais, (b) one to
" Hell !

" Above he 'scaped my utmoft ſpite and
" power,

" Grant me revenge, I ask no other Dower !

## F 2

"And

(a) This expreſſion was rather premature—She was but prefumptive Confort. But, perhaps, ſhe thought ſhe might do in Hell as ſhe had done on Earth, and marry whom ſhe pleafed, right or wrong.

(b) This Piece was afterwards repreſented; but whether through fear, favour, or fee, was ſo garbled, as soon to fink into oblivion.

84 THE DIABO-LADY.

" And reft my Suit for justice, on this
" hope,
" That I am recommended by the Pope." (c)
Who saw and heard her pleading, muft con-
fefs,
Sh' had Falstaff's flesh, and wit, and wicked-
nefs ;
Tho' fome there were who thought her wanton
plight
Refembled more Doll Tear - Sheet, than the
Knight.

Yet

(c) These two Potentates have ever been in strict confederacy together; and his infallible Holinesſs has ſent more ſouls to SATAN's empire, by his pardons, abſolutions and indulgences, than ever were dispatched thither from the Scaſſold or the Gallows.

THE DIABO-LADY. 85

Yet SATAN cried, " Thy claim I muſt
deny,
" For want of one Vice more, Hypocri-
" fy; (d)
" Your barefaced Sinners are not worth my
" notice,
" Demure pretending Saints, hoc eſt in vo-
" tis. (e)
" Then

(d) This was the anſwer of the late Lord Cheſter- field, to a profligate Parfon who was recommended to him as a Chaplain, once, when he was going Ambaſſador to The States. There were ſcandalous perſons in thofe times, it ſeems, as well as in the pre- ſent ones.

(e) This is a Sentence from Horace, but faſſely quoted.—The Verb Subſtantive Sum is in the preter- imperfect ſenſe there, but turned into the preſent time here. This is one of the vices of verſe, which, like the tyranny of Procruſtes, lengthens or ſhortens the mem- bers,

86 THE DIABO-LADY.

"Then back return, re-wed your former
"Peer,

"And taſte an Hell on earth, ere you come
" here."

The Court was now diſturbed. A jovial
troop

Of female libertines appeared en groupe ;

O ssory, B unbury, C hot anymore,

H orneck, T greconnule, and a Hundred more;

Which noify Amazons made ſuch a riot,
That SATAN thought 't had been a Polifh
Diet.

"Zounds!"

bers, according as they ſuit its own meaſure. But
poffibly our Author, who is an adept in metaphyſics,
may reply, that there is no diffiſtction of times or
tenſes, in the Region of Spirits—the paſt, the prefent,
and the future being all the inflant now, among immor-
tal beings.

THE DIABO-LADY.

89

"Zounds!" quoth he, in a rage, "whence
" this abufe ?

"Call up my guards—What! is all Hell broke
" loofe ?"

The deafened Cryer thrice proclaimed, O Yes!
And Imps and Implings (f) gave a general
hifs.

Silence at laſt obtained, each ſtrove to
ſhew

Her ſeveral right to rule the roaſt below;

'Till

(f) We have looked for this diminutive of a dimi-
nutive, in Johnfon's Dictionary, in vain.—We are,
therefore, at a los for sufficient authority to ſupport the
word, except we may ſuppofe it an alluſion to the
vulgar expreſſion, which is ſometimes applied to a
demure Sinner, that he is as innocent as a Devil of
Two Years old.

88 THE DIABOLADY.

'Till SATAN tired with prate, thus made
reply;

"Your claims so like, and equal are, that I

"Can see no choice, except Polygamy:

"But when my future Queen takes state upon
" her,

"Ye shall be all preferred to—Maids of Ho-
"nour." (g)

The scene now shifted, on the stage appears

The Sock and Buskin Heroines, linked in
pairs;

B—

(g) Here the Devil seems to have been a little out,
in the point of Etiquette; for as this illustrious groupe
are all Matrons, he could only appoint them as Ladies
of the Bed Chamber.

THE DIABOLADY.

89

B— and Y— first trail the purple train;
Next A— and B— intervene,
'Twixt Y— and B— who close the
Scene.

Their Plea was modeſt, which is ſomething
rare,
In any Modern male or female Player; (h)
For, not preſuming on their own demerits,
Their puny Vices, in this land of ſpi-
rits,
They only claim'd, that having acted Queens
On COVENT GARDEN and old DRURY's
ſcenes,

And

(h) Our Author's Sarcaſm here is, in general, too
true; for we know but few exceptions to the re-
mark.

90 THE DIABO-LADY.

And being *Shadows*, in the mimic show,
Their rank they challenged in the *Shades* be-
below;
And thought themselves entitled to obtain
An equal dignity in PLUTO's reign. (i)
SATAN, who has wit and humour, if he'd
shew it,
(For who but him made ROCHESTER a
Poet?

Or

(i) A poetical licence again! See our former Note,
upon a similar passage, in p. 2. But probably the Au-
thor meant to be critical, in this place, by making a
distinction here between the imaginary Tartarus of the
Pagan Creed, and the real Hell of the Christian Be-
lief. In the first, Souls were but *Shadows*, which was
too metaphysical a notion to fway the multitude. But
the latter doctrine tells us, that we shall *pick up our
Crumbs* again at the day of judgment, in order to re-
ceive corporal punishment. This is sensible, substantial,
and edifying.

THE DIABO-LADY.

91

Or who the Author of the *Henriade* (k)
Inspired to write the filthy *Pucellade*? (l)
Or instigated the *Diabolade*? (m)
Thus, with a fly, Sardonic smile, replied:
"Your claim, fair Puppets, must be here de-
" nied;

“ For

(k) M. Voltaire.

(l) *La Pucelle d'Orleans*, or, the Maid of Orleans.

(m) *The Diabolade*, for The *DiaboliaL*. The first
should have been the Title, by all rules of Derivati-
on. "Tis a Substantive, and the latter is an Adjective.
*Diaboliadus*, *da*, *dum*. Besides the justness of the al-
teration in the Word, our Author might have had a
further interest in it, also, as his own Title of *Diabo-
Lady* derives more fairly from one word than the
other.

92 THE DIABO-LADY.

"For hear a truth, a truth for once I'll tell:
" Whate'er your state, while yet on earth ye
" dwell,
" Your Green-room Dolls are Kitchen Maids
" in Hell." (n)

At length with dimpling cheek, and leering
eye,
Long noted in the rolls of Infamy,
** flept forth and claim'd the vacant crown,
For every crime that bears in Hell renown.

Her

(n) This is meant in Opposition to *Maids of Honour*, above-mentioned; as he did not think their flation or character in life, entitled them to any higher office in the Household of the *Pandemonium*.

THE DIABO-LADY.

93

Her argument she thus maintained with force,
Recounting deeds of blame from bad to
worse:

"Tho' bles't with beauty, rank, and powers to
engage,

"To charm in Youth, and win Time-honour'd (o)
age;

"Yet still ambitious of a nobler aim,

"I squandered beauty, dignity, and fame,

"To earn thy notice, thy loved Empire own,

"And, jure infernali, share thy throne—

"Falso to my husband's bed, I scorned to
rove

"Thro' common guilt, but chose incestuous
"love;

"I drove

(o) An epithet borrowed from Shakespeare, in Richard II.

94 THE DIABO-LADY.

“ I drove him to diffraction and defpair,
“ And then removed a Sifter and her heir;
“ To make Succession sure, and feal the deed,
“ Which helped my spurious issue to suc-
“ ceed (*p*)

“ Of favours profligate and nothing nice,
“ In many another mean ignoble vice;

“ I gamboled,

(*p*) This is an old Story; and we confess that we
agree in the fame Charity with the good old Woman,
who, hearing of the Paffion, one Sunday at Church,
faid, that, as it was so long ago, she hoped in the Lord that
it was not true.

YALE
Lewis Walpole

THE DIABO-LADY. 95

“ I gamboled, and I gambled deep at play,
“ And raiſed finances in leſs legal way;
“ I sweated gold, (q) and practiſed every
“ cheat,
“ Which, known to thee, I need not here
“ repeat.

“ My deeds with thine compared, in every
“ art,

“ Prove me in all—thy worthy counterpart:
“ In fine, to crown my merits, you shall find
“ I’m the reverse of her you left behind:
“ Nay more, to ſhew me fit to ſhare thy
“ ſway,
“ Behold, my Liege, my locks, like thine, are
“ grey. (r)

“ Father

(q) Another obsolete Story.

(r) See the Diaboliad, page 47.

96 THE DIABO-LADY.

“ Father of Lies! accept my proffered hand,

“ What richer portion canst thou now de-
“ mand ;

“ For e'en to all the Ruffias fhou'dft thou
“ rove,

“ I equal CATHERINE, both in hate and
“ love;

“ And were SEMIRAMIS herself alive,

“ With her in deeds of darkneſs I dare ſtrive.”

The liftening Imps with wonder ſtood
amazed,
And at each period ſubtler sulphur blazed;
While at a diſtance, on the Elysian Plains,
Where even the Bleſt re-aſt their former
scenes

Of mortal life, was ſeen in geſture wild,

A mournful Mother weeping o'er her child. (s)

The

(s) See page 77, Line 10.

THE DIABO-LADY.

97

The aſtoniſh'd Court fat ſilent all the while,

SATAN grinned horrible a ghaſtly ſmile; (t)

Then cried, “Reſolved—I ſwear by Sacred
“ Styx,

“ On thy alliance my firm choice I fix.”

The nuptial torches yield a brimſtone flame,

And Heralds are commanded to proclaim,

With Ætna's thunders, and infernal Yell,

is crowned unrivalled Queen of Hell!”

(t) Grinned horribly, &c.

MILTON.

F I N I S.