OCT. 29 '85 12:26 KISSINGER ASSOCIATES, WASH. DC

P.06

JACK KEMP JOKES

(From Pat Butler)

I HAVE BEEN ASKED TONIGHT TO MAKE SOME JOCULAR
REMARKS ABOUT JACK KEMP.

ONE MIGHT WELL ASK WHAT OTHER KINDS OF REMARKS
COULD BE MADE ABOUT JACK KEMP -- THE MOST CELEBRATED JOCK
TO SERVE IN CONGRESS SINCE VINEGAR BEND MIZELL.

HERE IS A MAN WHO HAS GONE FROM THE LOCKER ROOM
TO THE LEADERSHIP OF CONGRESS IN A BREATHTAKINGLY SHORT TIME
-- SO SHORT THAT HE SCARCELY HAD TIME TO SHOWER, WHICH MAY
ALSO HELP EXPLAIN THE BREATHTAKING.

EVEN SO, HERE IS A MAN WHOM NO ONE EVER MISTAKES
ANYMORE FOR A DUMB JOCK. NOW WHEN PEOPLE LOOK AT JACK KEMP,
THEY SEE ONLY A DUMB POLITICIAN.

HERE IS A MAN JUSTLY CREDITED WITH PROVIDING MUCH
OF THE INTELLECTUAL BALLAST FOR THE REAGAN ADMINISTRATION,
THE REST HAVING BEEN UNJUSTLY CREDITED TO GENGHIS KHAN.

HERE IS A MAN WHO, IN THE FINE TRADITION OF LINCOLN
AND HIS BACK-OF-THE-ENVELOPE GETTYSBURG ADDRESS, IS SAID TO
HAVE HELPED CREATE A REVOLUTIONARY ECONOMIC THEORY ON THE
BACK OF A COCKTAIL NAPKIN.

OCT. 29 '85 12:22 KISSINGER ASSOCIATES, WASH. DC

P.02

- 2 -

AS I UNDERSTAND IT, WHEN HE WAS SHOWN A CRUDE BOURBON-SOAKED GRAPH DESCRIBING AN IMPROBABLE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TAX CUTS AND REVENUE INCREASES, CONGRESSMAN KEMP LOOKED UP AT HIS DRINKING COMPANION AND SAID, "ART, THIS CURVE IS A LAUGHER."

THUS WAS BORN SUPPLY-SIDE ECONOMICS, GIVING US YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF HISTORIC SERENDIPITY AND PERHAPS THE BEST ARGUMENT I HAVE EVER HEARD FOR PROHIBITION.

NEVERTHELESS, HERE IS A MAN SO FULLY COMMITTED NOW TO THIS NOVEL ECONOMIC THEORY THAT HE SEES NOTHING FUNNY AT ALL IN SUCH JOKES AS THE FOLLOWING:

"I HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT A BUSLOAD OF SUPPLY-SIDERS JUST WENT OVER A CLIFF. THE BAD NEWS IS, THERE WERE THREE EMPTY SEATS."

EVEN THOUGH TRIED WITH SUCH SCORN AND DERISION -- HIS WIFE TOLD ME THAT JOKE -- JACK KEMP PERSEVERES.

EVEN NOW, THIS MAN REMAINS DEEPLY IMMERSED IN TAX REFORM -- THE HOTTEST ISSUE SINCE METRIC CONVERSION.

OCT. 29 '85 12:23 KISSINGER ASSOCIATES, WASH. DC

P.03

HOW I ASK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WHO BUT JACK KEMP COULD MAKE TAX RELIEF A POLITICAL LIABILITY?

WHO BUT JACK KEMP COULD MAKE DANIEL POSTENKOWSKI A HOUSEHOLD NAME?

WHO BUT JACK KEMP COULD MAKE DONALD REAGAN SOUND LIKE WALTER MONDALE ON THE TAX QUESTION?

WHO, MY FRIENDS, COULD DO ALL OF THIS -- CREATE WHOLE NEW THEORIES OF ECONOMIC PERFORMANCE, MASTER NUMBERS OF VAST COMPLEXITY, -- AND STILL CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY 110 DAYS LATE?

THESE ARE CLEARLY NOT THE ACTIONS OF A MAN CONTENT TO REPRESENT BUFFALO IN CONGRESS. AFTER ALL, THAT IS WHAT THE CONGRESSMAN FROM WYOMING IS SUPPOSED TO DO.

BUT WHILE WE ARE ON THIS SUBJECT, LET ME ASK A QUESTION: IF WE HAD CELEBRATED JACK KEMP'S BIRTHDAY IN BUFFALO TONIGHT, HOW MANY OF YOU WOULD HAVE COME?

NOW. IF JACK KEMP LIVES TO BE 200 YEARS OLD, HOW MANY OF YOU WOULD GO TO BUFFALO TO CELEBRATE HIS BISON-TENNIAL?

OCT. 29 '85 12:24 KISSINGER ASSOCIATES, WASH. DC

P. 04

- 4 -

THESE ARE SERIOUS QUESTIONS, FOR WHICH I NATURALLY
HAVE THE CORRECT ANSWERS.

JACK KEMP IS OBVIOUSLY NOT JUST ANOTHER CONGRESSMAN
FROM BUFFALO. HE IS A TALENTED AND AMBITIOUS MAN WHO CLEARLY
HAS HIS SIGHTS SET ON HIGHER OFFICE. I WOULD NOT BE AT ALL
SURPRISED, FOR EXAMPLE, TO SEE HIM ONE DAY RUN FOR MAYOR OF
SCHENECTADY.

JACK KEMP HAS RIGHTLY BEEN CALLED A "YOUNG DONALD
REAGAN." SO, OF COURSE, HAS ALF LANDON.

BUT HAVING DEALT WITH MOST OF THE MAJOR STATESMEN
OF THE POST-WAR WORLD, I CAN TELL YOU IN ALL SINCERITY THAT
JACK KEMP COULD HOLD HIS OWN WITH THEM ALL -- PARTICULARLY
THOSE WHO HAVE PASSED AWAY.

HE HAS THE CHARM OF A CHERNENKO, THE MODERATION OF
A MAO, AND THE DOWN-HOME DEMEANOR OF A CHARLES DE GAULLE.

HE SHARES CASTRO'S RHETORICAL BREVITY, HELMUT
SCHMIDT'S INTELLECTUAL MODESTY, AND AS FOR PERSONAL VANITY
I SHALL ONLY STATE THAT -- NOTWITHSTANDING SENATOR DOLE'S
GRATUITOUS COMMENTS TO THE CONTRARY -- JACK KEMP IS NO MORE
LIKELY TO USE HAIR SPRAY THAN THE PRIME MINISTER OF ENGLAND.

OCT. 29 '85 12:25 KISSINGER ASSOCIATES, WASH. DC

- 5 -

ALL IN ALL, THEN, IT IS AS REASONABLE TO ENVISION
A ROLE FOR JACK KEMP UPON THE WORLD STAGE AS IT WOULD HAVE
BEEN TO PREDICT IN 1961 THAT ANOTHER FIFTY-YEAR-OLD -- THE
STAR OF "DEATH VALLEY DAYS" -- WOULD SOMEDAY BE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES.

THUS WE SHOULD NOT BE SURPRISED -- INDEED, WE MIGHT
WELL BE PLEASED -- IF IN 1988 OR SOME EVEN-NUMBERED YEAR
THEREAFTER THIS RAUCOUS, RAMBUNCTIOUS, MARVELLOUSLY DISORGAN-
IZED COUNTRY DECIDES IT HAS BEEN UNKEMPED LONG ENOUGH.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JACK, AND AS THEY SAY ON ELECTION
DAY, MANY HAPPY RETURNS.

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