2-1-9

Pinkle

Certainly they've got bars.

Decorator

Well, they've got to come out.

Pinkle

They're kinda particular about those bars.

Decorator

We just won't pay any attention to them. All right, let's go
to the fireplace.

Pinkle

The fireplace. I don't want a fireplace.

Decorator

Oh, you've got to have a fireplace. It's very simple.
We'll just make a hole in the wall.

Pinkle

They don't like to have you make holes in the wall.

Decorator

It doesn't make any difference what they like.

Pinkle

Mister, all I want is curtains.

Decorator

Let's talk about the color scheme.

Pinkle

I don't want a color scheme. I want curtains.

Decorator

We must decide on the period. Let's see. Louie Seize --

Pinkle

I don't care what Louie says -- I want curtains. Curtains -
K-u-r-t-a-n-s.

Decorator

My but your feverish. All right, I'll show you some curtains.
(Taking out a sample)

Now with this material we can make the whole place completely
mad-cap.

Pinkle

Say, that's nice, good.

Decorator

They're all using it this season. It's the last word in chi-
chi.

2-1-10

Pinkle
It ain't what you'd call he-he.

Decorator
Wait till you see this one. It's a surprise. Close your
eyes.

Pinkle
I'm under his spell.

Decorator
One-two-three. Come out, come out, wherever you are.
(PINKLE opens his eyes)

Pinkle
Oh, that's more like it.

Decorator
You think so.

Pinkle
It's so-so gay. Now you're getting me excited. That does
something to me.

Decorator
You really do like it.

Pinkle
I love it. It has such warmth. You know in the morning the
sunlight leaps through my window like a wild thing.

Decorator
How nice! We're off to such a good start.

Pinkle
Yes, we'll build the whole room around this note. What do
you see for the floor?

Decorator
If you want something really soignee.

Pinkle
Of course.

Decorator
I'd suggest shaved lamb.

Pinkle
What?

Decorator
Shaved lamb.

2-1-11

Pinkle
Oooo -- I didn't know they shaved.

Decorator
Ooo -- you slay me.

Pinkle
Oh, I'm so glad you dropped in. This is glorious fun.

Decorator
Before you set your heart on that number -- here's one. This
is the very thing.

Pinkle
I wouldn't wear that to a dog fight.

Decorator
I think I'm a better judge of what you should have.

Pinkle
Is that so?

Decorator
Yes, that's so -- after all, if I'm going to do your apartment.

Pinkle
But I have to live in it and don't you forget it.

Decorator
Now just a minute. I think I know more about this than you.

Pinkle
Look at her. Isn't she high strung.

Decorator
Who's making me high-strung? Furthermore, let me tell you
something. That material there, you're so passionate about,
was designed for a bathroom.

Pinkle
This? You can't use this in a bathroom -- why it's uncanny.
Just too uncanny.

(PINKLE and DECORATOR are madly arguing
as they exit)

Decorator
We can't do anything today -- you're just a bundle of nerves.

Pinkle
But I'm telling you --
(Ad lib into exit)

2-1-12

(SENATORS MALVINSKY and O'SHAUGNESSY enter)

Malvinsky
How about this rehearsal -- where is everybody?

(BOB and NAILS enter)

Bob
Here we are.

Malvinsky
We've got to get this thing started -- we're busy men.

Nails
Bob, you behaved very badly with Peaches -- and you mustn't.
You've _got_ to make her think you love her.

Bob
You're the one I love.

Nails
I know that -- but you've got to make her believe she's the
one. I'll understand.

Bob
I won't be very good at it.

(PEACHES enters)

Peaches
Bob, they're ready to start this -- whatever it is we're
going to do.

Bob
Sweetheart, I'm so glad to see you.

Peaches
Sometimes I'm not sure you love me?

Bob
You know I love you.

Peaches
And I'm the only one you love.

Bob
How could I ever love anyone else?

Nails
The hell you're not good at it.

Bob
I'm doing the best I can.

2-1-13

Nails

You're doing too damn well.

Bob

Well, look what I'm up against.

Nails

Aw, the hell with you.
(Exits)

Bob

Listen, government. I'm through. I can't marry this girl.

Malvinsky

You've got to marry her.

Bob

You can't make me.

Malvinsky

Oh, yes, we can. You can't defy the United States government.
Seize that man and hold him until high noon tomorrow.

(The MARINES seize Bob)

Bob

You can't do this to me - it's against the Constitution.

Malvinsky

What Constitution?

Bob

You got me there.

(Exits with MARINES)

Peaches

This doesn't look so good for me -- a machine-gun wedding.
(Exits)

(PINKLE enters)

Malvinsky

Pinkle, we've been looking for you. For bringing this Lottery
to its magnificent conclusion, the President has granted you
a pardon.

Pinkle

A pardon? They can't do this to me. What was my goal? What
was my ambition? To get back into jail. And now every jail
door will be locked against me. It's a conspiracy, that's what
it is. A conspiracy. But let me tell you something. I'll
get back to prison if I have to go to jail for it.

(PINKLE exits)

ACT TWO

Scene Two

Courtyard in the Marine Barracks.
This is a shallow set, very plain. Door
right of center upstage with bars in it.
Kitchen table and two camp stools SE of
C - Entrance in this set is at SL
except the one through door behind
which BOB HALE is discovered at rise
of curtain. He enters and guard
closes door. That is only time this
door is used through the scene.

(Rings bell)
Room service.

Bob

(1st MARINE enters)

1st Marine

What do you want!

Let me out of here.
(He steps out.)
The Government's got this thing all mixed up.

Bob

1st Marine

What's the matter?

Bob
What will people say when they hear the Bridegroom's in
confinement. Get me a lawyer.

1st Marine
You're a lawyer. Why don't you handle your own case.

Bob
I don't have anything to do with schysters.
(Enter 2nd MARINE)

Marine
Visitor for the prisoner. This way Madam.
(NAILS enters)

Bob
Hello Nails.

Nails

Bob, I couldn't help coming over- this may be the last time we'll ever be together.

Bob

Can't I still be your lawyer?

Nails

No, Bob, I couldn't stand seeing you.

Bob

That's a little tough on me. You were the only client I ever had. Well, I'm not being married until 12 o'clock. I can give you a lot of legal advice in two hours -- twenty or thirty thousand dollars worth.

Nails

Gee, you're being swell about it, but I just can't. Life won't be any fun for me after you -- look at those nails. I can't let you be married with nails like that.

Bob

(He starts to bite one hand and offers the other to her)

You work on that one.

Nails

I always did want to do your hands and this is my last chance and I'm going to take it. Hey, soldier!

(The FIRST MARINE enters)

Have you got a manicure set?

First Marine

Well, not for tonight--she's a telephone operator.

Nails

Get me some hot water, a file and a pair of scissors.

(FIRST MARINE exits)

Pinkie is coming to see you today -- he's still working on his idea.

Bob

What idea?

Nails

The government gave him a pardon -but he thinks if he can prevent your wedding that will get him back into jail.

(FIRST MARINE enters with a battered bucket containing hot water, a wood file and a pair of wire scissors)

First Marine

Here's your hot water, lady.

2-2-3

Nails

All right. Put it down over here.
(He puts it on table and she pulls up stools)

First Marine

This was the only file I could find - but I got you a good
strong pair of scissors.
(He pulls out file and wire scissors)

Bob

Hey, Dracula you forgot the meat axe.

First Marine

She didn't say nothing about a meat axe.
(FIRST MARINE exits)

Nails

A fine looking pair of scissors.

Bob

It looks as though I'm in for a trimming.

Nails

And this is his idea of a file.

Bob

Let's give up the whole thing.

Nails

No. I'll make the best of it. Stick your hand in that hot
water.
(BOB puts his hand in bucket.)

From the first time I ever saw you I wanted to do your hands.
My, but you've got a lot of cuticle.

Bob

Oh, I don't know. It's nice of you to say so.

Nails

To think that the day you're going to marry another girl is
the first chance I've had to get at them.

Bob

Remember, these are my hands --not hers.

Nails

Whenever I think of Baby I burn up.

Bob

When you get down to the second knuckle stop.

Nails

Give me your other hand.

2-2-5

That all thoughts of Hame and Mither
Seem to wither away.
The thing your eyes do to me is such folly,
That I feel sure your middle name must be Svengali,
You throw me way out of my stride,
Still I beg of you, stay by my side,
And be a bad influence on me.

(Enter FIRST MARINE)

1st Marine
Another visitor for the prisoner.

Bob
What is this old home week?

(PINKLE enters)

Pinkle
Am I disgruntled? Ask me, am I disgruntled?
(1st MARINE exits)

Bob
All right --are you disgruntled.

Pinkle
Well, I ain't exactly gruntled. I had the best idea of my career in crime and with any luck at all I would have made Alcatraz. If it had worked it would have stopped your wedding.

Bob
That's great, Pinkle, why don't you go ahead -- you might become the crook of the month. What was the idea?

Pinkle
I was going to blow up the White House.

Bob
And what happened?

Pinkle
Well, I sends to New York for fifty bombs, I goes down to the station and what did they send me. Fifty buns.

Bob
They've got enough of those in Washington now.

(Enter 1st MARINE)

8

2-2-6

Attention! First Marine
Another visitor for the prisoner.

Who is it? Bob

Senator Musilovitch. First Marine

Here comes one now--
Bob

(Enter MUSILOVITCH, followed by SECOND
MARINE with rifle)

Musilovitch
Mr. Hale, word has come to us that there may be a last-minute
attempt to interfere with this wedding.

Nails

Who told you that?

Musilovitch

Well, shall we say a little bird told me.

Pincus

A stool pigeon.

Musilovitch

Sergeant, step forward. The sergeant here will be stationed
in one of the windows of the White House. He will have his
rifle trained on you Mr. Hale, and if there is any attempt
to interfere with this wedding or refusal on your part to go
through with it the sergeant is instructed to shoot.

Pincus

Huh. You can't scare me.

Bob

Well--maybe he can scare some of us.

Nails

You speak for yourself.

Pincus

How do you know he will hit you. I missed a whole police
force once and I had a machine gun.

Musilovitch

The Sergeant happens to be the champion sharp shooter of the
Marine Corps. Do you see that flock of ducks flying toward
the Potomac. All right, sergeant.