# OPENING NARRATION

## VIDEO

FADE IN:

DONALD COOK SEATED WITH
ALBUM IN FRONT OF HIM

## AUDIO

### DONALD COOK:

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this
is Donald Cook, and this....

..is Chapter Two of the A B C Album. Last
week I talked a little about our table of
contents..some of the chapters that will,
on future programs, make up the thirteen
weeks during which the A B C Album will
present for your entertainment and approval
a variety of television fare: drama, comedy,
mystery, documentary, music, poetry and
prose, live and filmed. And above all,
the unusual.

HE OPENS THE ALBUM AT
RANDOM REVEALING A
PHOTOGRAPH OF A
STENOGRAPHIC
NOTEBOOK, A TEST
TUBE, A CONCRETE MIXER.

### DONALD COOK:

And nothing could be more unusual than the
chapter we have called "Sketch Book", and
which will be revealed to you on a future
date. A stenographer's pad, a chemist's
tube, a concrete mixer.."Sketch Book" will
present a short segment about each of these
outwardly ordinary objects..suddenly thrust
into most extraordinary contexts.

(MORE)

-1-

VIDEO

AUDIO

DONALD COOK: (CONT)

"Sketch Book" is a program about the ways in which the usual can become the unusual -- and the unusual can become the eerie and frightening. "Sketch Book", on your ABC Album - soon.

This, and more besides, as we dig deeper into the album in the weeks to come. And, as I said before, I'll be here too to turn the pages for you.

TURNING BACK TO
SECOND PAGE: PHOTOGRAPH
OF TRAMP STEAMER, ETC.

Like this - bring us to tonight's chapter --
Chapter Two. And tonight we bring you MR.
GLENCANNON TAKES ALL, starring _________
__________, the first in a series
of rolicking seafaring adventures from the
pages of the Saturday Evening Post - a
story about the indefatigable Scot,
Colin Glencannon, Chief Engineer on the
British Tramp Steamer, Inchcliffe Castle.
Ladies and Gentlemen Chapter Two of the
A B C Album.

-2-

VIDEO

AUDIO

HAZLITT:

Mr. Glencannon! I'd be very much obliged
to you, Miss McFidd, if you'd never mention
that name in my presence again!

LAURA:

(STARTLED AT HIS VEHEMENCE) Not mention
'is nyme? Lumme, Mr. 'Azilitt, wot's Colin
Glencannon done nah?

HAZLITT:

I'm so glad you said "now," Miss McFidd.
It indicates so very clearly the
sempervirent nature of his conduct.

(ANGRY AGAIN) I'll tell you what he's
done *now*, Madam; he's just made it possible
for me to inform him of the happy fact
that's he no longer is an employee of
Clifford, Castle, and company, limited!
(HE LOOKS TRIUMPHANTLY AT LAURA.

(SUPERIMPOSE FRONT TITLES)
(OR)
(CONTINUE SCENE)

LAURA:

(APALLED) You've given him the sack?

-4-

VIDEO

AUDIO

HAZLITT:

(SIPPING HIS BEER) I have in my briefcast
the usual dismissal form which I intend
to present personally to Mr. Glencannon
directly the Inchcliffe Castle makes fast,
which, according to my calculations should
be in approximately a quarter of an hour's
time.

LAURA:

(SHAKING HER HEAD IN WONDER) I can't imagine
you hactually givin' 'im the sack. Why,
'e's been Chief on the Inchcliffe for
fifteen years nah!

HAZLITT:

And I've been General Manager of Clifford,
Castle & Co. for longer, Miss McFidd --
and now that I've taken this awe-inspiring
step the only thing that continually
amazes me is why I didn't try it ten years
ago!

LAURA:

But, Mr. 'Azlitt -- wot'd poor old Mr.
Glencannon _do_?

HAZLITT:

(LEANING ACROSS THE BAR) D'you know
MacKenzie Dugan?

-5-

VIDEO

**LAURA:**
The whisky man?

**HAZLITT:**
Himself, ma'am. "Duggan's Dew of
Kirkintilloch."

**LAURA:**
(NODDING) It's our biggest seller, it is.

AUDIO

SHE POINTS TO A ROW OF
WHISKY BOTTLES BEHIND HER,
ALL LABELLED DUGGAN'S
DEW OF KIRKINTILLOCH.

**HAZLITT:**
It's the *world's* biggest seller! MacKenzie
Duggan ships his whisky to the four corners
of the globe, Miss McFidd, and there's not
a pub nor chummery between here and
Timbuctoo that doesn't stock it by the
wagonload. (MORE INTENSE) Well, Miss,
shipping means ships, and ships mean the
livelihood of Sir John Castle, and we were
within an *inch* of acquiring MacKenzie
Duggan's charter, and being the sole
convector of Duggan's Dew!

**LAURA:**
(IMPRESSED) Lumme! (HER BROW FURROWING)
Wot 'appened?

-6-

VIDEO

AUDIO

BARTENDER

(UNDERSTANDING) Ah, oui, M'sieu, I
understan'. The tables, they go against
you ce soir, no?

GLENCANNON

(ACCEPTING DRINK) I came ashore this
nicht wi' nowt but friendliness in me
heart and within the space o' a
meeserable twunty minutes thot swundling
apparatus in there has contrived to
reduce my holdings to the penurious
state in which ye presently see them!
(DOWNS HIS DRINK) I'll hae another!

BARTENDER

Oui, M'sieu.

HE TAKES A SMALL, SQUARE-SIDED
TOP FROM BELOW THE BAR, AND
PUSHES IT ACROSS TO GLENCANNON.

BARTENDER

There you are, M'sieu. With the
compliments of M'sieu MacKenzie Dieugan,
et cie. An advertisement, no?

GLENCANNON

(PEERING AT IT) Weel, I must confess I
canna return the compliment.
Odvertising wi' nursery toys? They
must be draft. (MORE)

-9-

VIDEO

GLENCANNON

How many children can afford to drink
whusky at twelve sheelings the bottle
in these hard times?

BARTENDER

Non, non, non, M'sieu, it ees not a toy.
See, M'sieu: (HOLDS UP TOP TO SHOW THE
PRINTING ON THE SIDES) "Take One",
"Put Two", "Take All."

GLENCANNON

(WITH LOATHING) Ye mean it's a gombling
game?

BARTENDER

(NODDING AND SMILING) Oui, M'sieu.
(POINTING DOWN THE LENGTH OF THE BAR)
The gentleman down there -- I give him
one two days ago--most extraordinary
luck he have--most extraordinary. One
hundred franc he win from me even.

GLENCANNON

(SOURLY) Do ye tell me?

HE TURNS AND GLANCES
DISINTERESTEDLY DOWN THE
LENGTH OF THE BAR AS HE RAISES
HIS GLASS TO DRINK. THEN HIS
EYES WIDEN IN AMAZEMENT.

(MORE)

AUDIO

-10-

VIDEO

GLENCANNON

Ay, the same auld nosty laudmouth ye
a'-ways was, eh, MacCrummon.

MAC CRUMMON

(CAUTIOUSLY) Had much luck at the
tables, Colin?

GLENCANNON

(MISERABLY) MacCrummon, if yere
intendin' to squander yere hard-earned
monney on the machines in there, I
advise ye to think again. I'm vurra
much afeard they're nae honest.

MAC CRUMMON

So you've lost, have ye? Weel, weel,
weel, Colin. (HE PICKS UP GLENCANNON'S
TOP AND SPINS IT TENTATIVELY) I see
ye've got one of the Duggan's Dew tops
about ye. Perhaps ye'd like a spin or
two and maybe win back some o' yere
losses.

GLENCANNON

(PIOUSLY) MacCrummon, dinna ye ken me
weel enough the noo to know how much I'm
opposed to gombling in a' its forms?
Besides--I've hardy ten froncs left to
me name.

AUDIO

-12-

VIDEO

MAC CRUMMON SPINS GLENCANNON'S
TOP AGAIN. IT COMES TO REST.

CASUALLY, HE PUTS SOME BILLS
ON THE BAR.

AUDIO

MAC CRUMMON

How d'you like that? "Put two."

MAC CRUMMON

That's a good one you've got for
yoursel'.

GLENCANNON

(INTERESTED) A good one, ye say?

MAC CRUMMON

Ay, I can tell by the feel.

GLENCANNON

Weel, noo. Oonder the circumstances
1' would hardly be gentlemonly to
refuse yere blondishments. So I'll just
spin ye for a franc or two in a friendly
fashion.

HE PUTS MONEY ON THE BAR AND
SPINS THE TOP. IT COMES TO
REST.

GLENCANNON

"Put two."

MAC CRUMMON

(GRINNING) Ay, ye must double yere
investment noo, and we're even so far.

-13-

VIDEO

STILL GRIPPING MAC CRUMMON'S
WRIST, HE SEIZES MAC CRUMMON'S
TOP AND EXAMINES IT. THEN
HE SHAKES IT. IT RATTLES.
WITH GROWING FURY HE DROPS IT
AND PICKS UP HIS OWN TOP AND
SHAKES IT--IT IS SILENT. WITH
A ROAR OF RAGE HE LETS GO OF
MAC CRUMMON, GRABS THE TOP
AGAIN IN BOTH HANDS, AND
SEPARATES IT WITH A VIOLENT
TWIST.

AUDIO

GLENCANNON

Is 1', Mac Crummon?

GLENCANNON

(ROARING) Swindler! Why, ye
conspeakable, consaniturra, conmitigated
scoondrel! Swindlin' me wi' a loaded
top, do ye? Mac Crummon!

HE MOVES TO FLING HIMSELF UPON
MAC CRUMMON, BUT MAC CRUMMON
DOES NOT WAIT. HE RUNS FROM
THE BAR.

GLENCANNON

Ye scut! MacCrummon! Dinna ye think
ye can oot-run me!

GLENCANNON DASHES OUT AFTER
HIM, HOLDING THE SEPARATED
TOP, AND LEAVING ON THE BAR
THE MONEY AND HIS OWN TOP.

BARTENDER

(STARTLED) M'sieu! M'sieu! Votre
billet!

-15-

(MORE)

VIDEO

HARBOR SOUNDS ARE HEARD IN THE
BACKGROUND

CHAUNCEY MONTGOMERY, THE
INCHCLIFFE'S FIRST MATE, ENTERS
FROM THE DECK. HE IS A TALL,
SPARE MAN IN HIS EARLY FORTIES,
WITH A THIN LINED, HUMORLESS
FACE, HIS EXPRESSION SEEMINGLY
ETERNALLY SOUR. AT THE PRESENT
INSTANCE HE IS LIBERALLY
COVERED WITH SOOT.

AUDIO

MONTGOMERY

Carn'tcha find somethin' better to do
than sit there playin' with toys and
makin' that gurglin' sound in the back
o' yer throat.

GLENCANNON

(LOOKING UP BRIGHTLY) Weel, weel, weel,
Muster Montgomery -- and how's the
loading going?

MONTGOMERY

Ye can bleddy well see 'ow it's goin'.
(INDICATING HIS OWN SOOT-COVERED FORM)
The bleddy wind's picked up, and we're
gettin' more bleddy coal all over the
bleddy landscape than's goin' in our
bleddy bunkers!

HE IS AT ONE OF THE PORTHOLES
NOW, AND POINTS ANGRILY THROUGH
IT.

(MORE)

-17-

VIDEO

AUDIO

MONTGOMERY

When the captain o' that there white
yacht comes back from the casino and
finds a black ship wytin' for 'im, 'e's
goin' to blow 'is funnels, and no
mistyke. (STARING DOWN AT GLENCANNON)
Wot in 'eaven's nyme are you up to?

GLENCANNON

(WINKING) I'm repairing a little device
thot was employed last nicht to swundle
me oot o' most o' me hard-earned income.
If ye'll observe, Muster Mate, the top
o' a top -- (HE HOLDS UP THE UPPER
HALF OF THE TOP) -- a cleverly
contrived spiral -- (HE INDICATES THE
SPIRALLED OUT INTERIOR OF THE PIECE) --
a wee ball-bearin' -- (HE HOLDS UP A
BEARING, AND SLIPS IT INTO THE SPIRAL)
-- and finally, the buttom o' the top.

HE FITS THE BOTTOM ON, TOUCHED
THE SOLDERING IRON LIGHTLY TO
THE SEAM, AND HOLDS UP HIS
COMPLETED WEAPON.

MONTGOMERY

(SOURLY) And then wot's it supposed
to do?

-18-