1-7-10

Peaches
It is? Then I've got it.

Musilovitch
The country is saved.

O'Shaughnessy
We've found Baby. The government's won first prize.

Peaches
You mean that I'm Baby and I'm going to marry Bob?

Del Grasso
You'll marry him on the White House lawn!

Peaches
Yoo-hoo --- Bob - Bob - Bob.

(Everybody rushes on with ad lib.)

Malvinsky
Mrs. Duquesne, the United States government has won the lottery!
(Cheer from crowd)

Peaches
And I'm going to marry Bob.
(Cheer again)

Pinkle
And I'm going back to Lark's Nest.
(Another cheer)

Nails
You mean that Peaches is Baby?

Peaches
I'll show it to you.

Bob
Never mind. I've seen it. I guess it's all over, Nails.
I'll have to marry Peaches.

Peaches
Bob.
(Starts to grab him)

Malvinsky
The crowd's waiting for you.

(The CROWD RUSHES PEACHES off)

(NAILS, PINKLE and BOB are left alone
on stage)

10-11

Nails

Bob, what are we going to do?

Bob

What can we do? With the whole country gone crazy -- we'll
have to go through with it.

Nails

But, Bob, if it was anything but Peaches.

Bob

Who started this lottery anyway. Whose idea was this?

Pinkle

It was yours.

Bob

Oh -- I remember. Well, it was a good idea when it came to
me, but if I ever find out who let Peaches out of the cellar
I'll kill him.

Nails

I'll help you kill him.

Pinkle

Wait a minute -- if they hadn't found Peaches this lottery
would have been a flop.

Nails

We wanted it to be a flop.

Pinkle

I didn't know that -- when I let Peaches out of the cellar, I ---

Nails

Oh, you let her out of the cellar.

Bob

Mother's little helper.

(The SENATORS, MARINES, SONNY and some of
the GIRLS enter)

Malvinsky

Mr. Hale, where are you? The crowd wants you.

Sonny

Come on, Bob, they're waiting for you.

Vivian

Bob, they're yelling for you.

Betty

They want to see you with Baby.

10-12

Bob

They'll have to get along without me.

Musilovitch

But the cameramen are waiting -- the newreels --

Bob

Let them wait -- I'm not coming.

Malvinsky

You've got to come -- they want to see you and Baby together.

Bob

Leave me alone -- I'm not coming.

Malvinsky

Oh yes you are.

(To Marines)

Sergeant, bring the lottery lover to the grandstand -- by force, if you have to.

Archer

Come on, Buddy.

Nails

Go ahead, Bob.

Bob

No, Nails, I want to be with you.

Archer

I said, come on, buddy.

(ARCHER picks Bob up by seat of the pants and coat collar).

Bob

Nails, if you want me to go, I will.

(ARCHER rushes BOB out, the crowd with him, ad libbing)

Crowd

Here he is -- the lottery lover -- hooray -- here he comes.

(NAILS and PINKLE are left alone)

Nails

Well, Pinkle, it's all over now.

Pinkle

Say, I didn't know I was doing this to you. I don't deserve to go back to jail.

## ACT TWO

### SCENE I

A Room in the White House.

This is a full stage set. Four entrance on S.R. and S.L. Platform across the back with two steps. People can enter down center. Table and two chairs right and left of steps in keeping with the set. At rise of curtain entire ensemble are discovered on stage, conveying the fact of rehearsing for the wedding. After number "HYMN TO HYMEN" dancers dance one refrain and exit on this lyric: "One, two, turn and away. One, two, turn the other way. One three, three, skip a little bit, One, two, three, Ah, the hell with it." and exit -

Others stroll off slowly to dialogue.

### WE'RE ABOUT TO START BIG REMARSIN'

(Dancing girls sing)

We're about to start big rehearsin'
For the marriage of Baby and Bob,
And it makes our tender hearts throb,
When we think of that chap
Taking that rap.
For we know that Nails is the person
That he pets when he gets amorous,
So forgive this "aside,"
But, speaking of the bride,
Thank God it's not us.

30

### HYMN TO HYMEN

(Double Mixed Quartet)

Hymen, thou phony
God of matrimony,
Humbly we pray, keep away from our door.
Those thou hast mated
Say thou art over-rated
And call thee a dated, unmitigated bore.
Why wouldst thou tie us

20

In wedlock, holy and pious,
Knowing as thou doest
Love is truest when it's free.
So Hymen, 'hou Phony
God of matrimony,
We say balony to Thee.

(After number enter ANNE)

Anne
Is everybody here?

Vivian
Well, we haven't seen the bride and groom yet.

Anne
From now on the White House isn't going to be famous for its Presidents -- it'll be pointed out as the place where Bob and Baby got married.

Lucille
Do you mean we've got the White House all to ourselves?

Betty
What did they do with the 'resident?

Anne
They told him he couldn't come home tonight.

(PEACHES enters)

Peaches
Oh, hello.

Anne
Hello, Peaches.

Peaches
Say, do you girls mind clearing out of here?

Nails
Why?

Peaches
Well, I happen to have a date with Bob.

Anne
Yes, we know. You and Bob are going to rehearse your wedding.

Peaches
Who told you? Those Senators.

2-1-3

Anne

That's why we're all here. We all have to walk through the ceremony.

Peaches

Oh, so that's what they meant. We just -- walk?

Anne

Yes.

Peaches

Wait till I find those spectators. Getting me over here on a false alarm.

(Exits)

Anne

You girls wait outside in the corridor, I'll give you your instructions later.

(The GIRLS exit)

(MAILS enters)

Nails

Hello.

Anne

Hello, Nails. I thought you weren't going to attend these services.

Nails

I changed my mind -- can I see the body?

Anne

What do you mean?

Nails

I want to talk to Bob.

Anne

He isn't here yet. wasn't it nice of them to turn over the White House to us today?

Nails

Oh, I don't know -- there seems to be a big argument going on about renewing their lease.

(BOB enters with MARINES)

Bob

Guard halt! At ease!

Nails

What have you got there?

2-1-4

**Bob**

Those leathernecks are my bodyguard. Don't think my beautiful
white body can't need guarding. This morning a woman tried
to bite the end of my elbow off for a souvenir.

**Anne**

She's around here somewhere. I'll tell her you're here.

**Bob**

Just a minute. Attention! Forward march! Halt! All right
go ahead and tell her.

**Nails**

Don't tell her yet. I want to talk to Bob.

**Anne**

Remember, Nails, Bob's supposed to rehearse with Baby.

**Bob**

**Darling --**

(He starts for Nails and the SOLDIERS
start with him. He halts. They halt)

**Darling.**

(BOB gives Nails the come-hither-nod)

**Nails**

**Darling - -**

(She starts for Bob with her arms
out. Just as she gets to him one
of the SOLDIERS steps in front of
him and receives the embrace)

**1st Soldierer**

**Darling - -**

**Bob**

(Taps Soldier on shoulder)

Hey, you're guarding the wrong body.

(THE SOLDIER lets go of Nails and
embraces BOB who fights his way out)

Attention. Right face. Get the hell out of here. March.

(The SOLDIERS march out)

(BOB grabs Nails)

**Oh, Nails.**

(He kisses her)

**Nails**

We shouldn't be doing this. What would Baby think if she
knew you'd kissed me twice.

2-1-6

## Peaches

Oh, Bob, I've hardly seen you since I knew I was Baby.
(Throwing her arms about him)

I'm never going to let you out of my arms again; We're not
going to be separated -- even for a minute. We've got twenty
years loving to make up -- and I'm going to start right now.
I'm going to smother you with kisses.

## Bob

Call out the Guard!
(The MARINES enter)

(They march down to flank Bob and Peaches)

## Bob

Left face! Forward, March!

(As they start off, BOB drops out and
they march out with PEACHES between them
protesting)

## Bob

(Taking Nails' arm and starting other way)

As I was saying before the marines landed --

## Nails

What do you suppose will happen to her?

## Bob

Oh, she'll just get a little leathernecking.
(Exit BOB and NAILS)

## Grace

The government's certainly spending a lot of money on this
wedding.

## Pingers

They're going to make this a P.W.A. project.

## Grace

They want me to do a dance on the lawn.

(PINKLE enters on off stage noise of
argument: Shouts to wings)

## Pinkle

It's an outrage. I won't do it -- that's all.

## Paul

Do what?

## Pinkle

Those senators want me to come to the wedding dressed as George
Washington. That's too much. Asking me to represent the father

Pinkle (Cont'd.)

of the country. Of course, there was one block in New York
where I did pretty good.

Paul

What are you going to do when it's all over, Pinkle?

Pinkle

I'm going home.

Grace

Home?

Pinkle

Back to prison.

Fingers

I hear you get ten per cent of the lottery money. What are
you going to do with all that dough?

Pinkle

In jail ten million won't last long. A string of polo ponies.
A concert grand piano. A Cap Chart. A swimming pool.

Grace

How are you going to get all those things in a cell.

Pinkle

This time I'm taking a private suite -- three cells and a
private dungeon. Going to have it all air-conditioned and
decorated - you know put up some curtains to make it look
cozy.

Grace

You ought to hire this decorator who's doing the White House
for the wedding.

Pinkle

Is he good?

Grace

He's marvelous. I'll find him and send him in.

Pinkle

Fingers, why don't you come back to the big home with me?

Pingers

I can't, Pinkle. You see, the little lady claims I've
stolen her heart.

Pinkle

That dame. Well, you couldn't get more than ten days for that.

2-1-8

(DECORATOR enters)


Which one of you boys is Mr. Pinkle?

Pinkle
I'm Mr. Pinkle and I don't want any.

Decorator
The young lady told me you wanted to see me about doing over
your apartment.

Pinkle
Oh, you're the decorator.

Decorator
Yes, and we're going to get along beautifully.

Fingers
I'm going to get along immediately.

Pinkle
Don't get too far away.

Decorator
Now Mr. Pinkle just where is your apartment?

Pinkle
Lark's Nest.

Decorator
Lark's Nest Prison?

Pinkle
Yeah -- what about it?

Decorator
An apartment in a prison. Oh, that captures my imagination
right away. Let me see. It ought to be something monastic --
you know plain severe.

Pinkle
That's the way it is now. I want to get it fixed up.

Decorator
Oh, I see you want contrast.

Pinkle
No -- curtains.

Decorator
Well, for the windows the curtains should be -- I suppose
those windows have bars.