I promised a girl in Amarillo to try to color a photograph for her — She is very pretty or I wouldn't have promised — — I had never tried anything like it — but from some others she had I guessed what she wanted it to look like and went at it this afternoon. She is so pretty — no — she is ornamental — fun to watch — — — I hate for her to like such things — but I suppose it is all right — — come to think of it I guess she is a human colored photograph —

Anyway — expecting Lea tomorrow and wanting to get the photograph off my table — wanting to send it up with Lea — I went at it — — — You would laugh if you could see it — and afterward I played with paint till supper time — — — It was fun — seemed queer — There is a remarkable creation hanging on my wall that grew out of playing —

— Dorothy would look at it and say — "Pat, where do you get such notions". It even makes me laugh — — — I want daylight to come. The bunch of stuff I have has grown to look very bad to me. — I haven't looked at it — I've just thought about it since I've been sick — nothing is in place — and I have two colors that are about to drive me insane — they are awful — — — Guess —

Goodnight — I'm tired — no use to write — very tired.

#106

Postmarked: Canyon Tex

Feb 7 1918

Just back from Amarillo again and a most uncanny feeling that I must write you now
because my arm aches so --- another hypodermic of some sort of serum --- I can
hardly move it --- and I'm going to bed and I don't know --- I just don't feel
like getting up again soon --- Dr. Mac got me to go specially to his office ---
and told me I just must be careful and a lot of not encouraging things ---
The other
man got him to, I think ---

He says the serum will make me sick but to take it any-
way --- dangerous not to ---

Wednesday night --- started this Monday ---

I haven't been up till tonight --- I got up and went to supper --- queer feel-
ing in my head and slow walking --- Surely have been laid out --- the darned stuff
give me an awful headache and makes me deathly sick at my stomach ---

and the worst of
it is that as soon as I feel pretty well again I have to have another dose
--- so tomorrow morning I'll have another --- pleasant to think about ---

but you
know --- I just don't much care anymore --- don't care much about anything --- don't
care if it makes me sick --- don't care if it doesn't ---

The Van Gogh letters came Monday --- I have read them --- not the
introduction --- in between sleeping and waking --- read mostly to forget
how sick I felt --- then would go to sleep --- reading makes me so tired ---
but I enjoyed it --- --- enjoyed it very much ---

You are very nice to me (nice is
a poor word --- a weak little pretty word and that's not what I mean at all but you
will know.)

Such a wonderful letter from the sister last week --- Hardly anyone but you
could imagine how pleased --- that's not the right word either --- I am with the way

I've been boiling for several days ---

Mrs. Reeves picked up Van Gogh's

letters from my table --- turned over pages --- remarked quickly and dropped it as
though it had burned her ---

Ugh --- it's translated from the German ---

I have to laugh about it and at the same time I feel as though she is too stupid to
speak to ---

Isn't it funny.

What is the use in petting and coddling yourself into living a long time
among folks like that.

Funny ---

Why it's the funniest thing to do that I can imagine.

Being any sicker among them would be worse, though --- they look so much uglier
inside when you are sick --- even when they are being very nice to you.

Yes? You like the little girl --- it's only a little girl --- I never
felt before so much as though I don't belong anywhere --- wish I could talk to you.
don't bother about me though. Why don't you live where it's warm in the winter.

Wish you could see this day.

passed since I sat at this very desk and wrote you before --- Funny ---
It's hazy out --- blue haze --- in Canyon we hardly ever have anything but yellow
dust haze ---

I didn't get up till nearly eleven --- slept well except for my arm ---
it aches and I seemed conscious of it even while I slept - and every time I
moved I waked up
:
:
: I don't mind it much though.

It seems so funny to be coming down here again and so odd to be going to
San Antonio --- I always wanted to go --- and now that I have to go don't care any-
thing about it --- I just can't imagine getting there but I suppose I will.

I have a notion you will be surprised that I've moved --- but --- I simply
couldn't go to school anymore -
- it seems so stupid to have to say that ---

It's nice to be alone --- no one to talk to --- Richard says I don't look sick ---
I guess ---
---

- well - to myself I look like the devil --- Maybe it's because I
see myself not dressed :
:
: However it doesn't matter - I don't care what I look like -
:
:
: General Delivery -
San Antonio

I'll send you a scrap I wrote last night if I can find it.

Soldiers again - they don't interest me greatly now - I don't know why -

As for being taken care of — I hardly know how to behave — I am staying
with Sibyl Browne — a South Carolina girl I knew at Columbia — and she is too good
to be true — The sort of person I call a nice sweet lovely girl — thinks of
doing things for you that you would never even think of wanting done —
Almost too
comfortable feeling to be true — it's great — it doesn't seem natural — and
I haven't even felt like writing —

Being lazy is great —
between them all they
think they have time filled up for me till Friday —
well — maybe they have
and maybe they haven't — — — — — — —

You don't need to be alarmed about me —
Lea says she is going to
write you —

I'll be all right here in a little while —
she is going back in about ten
days and will ask Dr. Mac — I'd lots rather you wouldn't ask him about me — things
up there at Canyon had just about driven me crazy I guess —

If I don't get lots
better in a little while I will do something else — but — I wanted to go East
and he said — no — it's too cold —

He said El Paso — California — or San Antonio
and here I am.

I must go to bed.

Goodnight.

(part omitted)

You see — up there at Canyon it was so hard not to go to work and — I don't
know — the whole thing almost ran me crazy.