MELPOMENE IN THE DUMPS;
OR,
CHILD'S PLAY DEFENDED
BY
THEATRICAL MONARCHS.

THE DEBATE, OR ARGUMENT.

MELP—

AND pray, Mr. Monarch, how long am I to be confined
to this box fever, or nervous rheumatism in my loins? A
pretty business you have made of this season; what between
your Blind Bargain and Infant Roscius, you think to send me
to the ground; but let me caution you, that " if once I do
but stir or lift this arm, the best of you shall sink in my re-
buke. Give me to know how this foul rout began, who set
it on, and he that is approved in the offence, though he hath
twinned with me both at a birth, shall lose me."

FIRST MONARCH,

Why really, Madam, all I can say in my defence and
that of my infant is this, that if John Bull chooses to feed on
slink calf, instead of substantial roast beef, *yet consents to
pay for the roast*, it is not for me to complain; but, Madam,
should there be a fault laid to my charge, let me tell you,
it is not entirely mine; your brother here beside me has had
*his share* in it, and between friends, I must observe, that
you have had your day; and if a good salary during this

infant fever and frigid weather cannot encourage you to
wear flannel, gird up your loins and rest contented on your
arm (I mean arms), I will be bound to say, you are not the
woman I took you for; and rather than be *subject* to such
complaints while I *reign* " king of shreds and patches," I
would forego the advantages of government, and " live on
scraps at proud mens' surly doors."

SECOND MONARCH,

Sister, be of comfort; our friend speaks home; you may
relish him more in the soldier than the scholar; but though
his oratory is bad, his *argumentum argentum* is good; his
voice, like mine, is husky; but his *silver* tones are delight-
ful. It is true we have both had our day, " our May of
life is gone; 'tis fallen into the scar; the yellow leaf and
that which should accompany old age," *we have got*. " The
world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."
Public taste is similar, it is now in second childhood; and
when mere oblivion takes place, then you shall make a sally,
and should the Town require a *filip* I will be at your elbow.

* My Lord Loggerhead spells physician with an F. hem! hem!—Duster Pangloss—Heir at Law.

Printed by D. N. Saunt, Berwick Street, for ACKERMAN, 102, Strand.