THE BEAUX STRATEGEM

ACT TWO Scene 1

(Lady Bountiful's house. Mrs. Sullen and Dorinda
are stretched out in attitudes of complete boredom.
Enter Lady Bountiful followed by Scrub carrying
two large trays of medicaments.)

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Scrub, Scrub, are there many patients waiting for me this morning?

SCRUB

Yes, Milady, - There are two jaundices and a phlebotomy to my certain knowledge, -

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Indeed! Did you hear that my dears? It is not every morning that we have a phlebotomy, Scrub.

SCRUB

No, milady, your phlebotomies are become monstrous rare. And Goodman Hodge is here again -

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Ah, that will be a pepper poultice. Daughter Sullen, you must come and see me, make a pepper poultice. It is, indeed, the most diverting sight in the world and to tell the truth I make them 'em excellently.

MRS. SULLEN

To tell the truth, Madam, I could not rise from this chair to see an amputation, for all the pleasure in't, could you, sister?

DORINDA

To tell the truth, these delights are become so frequent here that the edge of the pleasure is somewhat dulled.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Is everything here, Scrub? You have not forgot anything?
Assafoetida: Dr. Wiggin's mulsion, - an excellent thing, Dorinda;
I pray you never forget Dr. Wiggins's mulsion, -

DORINDA

No, Madam.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Scrub you have not one-fourth the hydrophil and binding we will use. - You are quite well, daughter Sullen? Do you not look a little drawn?

MRS. SULLEN

I am in excellent health, Madam, to no purpose.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

My son, your husband, is not stirring yet. We must take care not to disturb him.

MRS. SULLEN

I think it would not disturb if all your patients commenced bawling in chorus. He is drunk, Madam; or was so when he left him.

2-1-2

LADY BOUNTIFUL

You are severe, daughter Sullen.

MRS. SULLEN

As Justice.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

He will be up before long and will amuse you till church-time.

MRS. SULLEN

And to the same degree.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Come, Scrub, we must to work. Two jaundices, you say?

SCRUB

Yes, milady, 'Twill e'en do your heart good to see them. They are
as yellow as oranges.

(Exeunt Lady Bountiful and Scrub)

DORINDA

You are for church this morning, sister?

MRS. SULLEN

Anywhere to pray, for Heaven alone can help me. But I think,
Dorinda, there is no form of prayer in the liturgy against bad
husbands.

DORINDA

But there's a form of law in the courts, and I swear that rather
than see you thus, continually discontented, I would advise you to
apply for that.

MRS. SULLEN

Heigh-ho!

DORINDA

But supposing, Madam, that you brought it to a case of separation,
what can you urge against your husband? My brother is, first, the
most constant man alive.

MRS. SULLEN

The most constant husband, I grant ye.

DORINDA

He never sleeps from you.

MRS. SULLEN

No, no; he is always there.

DORINDA

He allows you a maintenance suitable to your quality.

MRS. SULLEN

A maintenance! Do you take me, Madam, for a county orphan that
I must sit down and bless my benefactors for meat, drink and
clothes? As I take it, I brought your brother ten thousand pounds

2-1-3

MRS. SULLEN (cont.)

out of which I might expect a few pleasures.

DORINDA

You share in all the pleasures that the country affords.

MRS. SULLEN

Country pleasures! Racks and torments! I was not trained, child,
in leaping of ditches and clambering over stiles - my parents did
not foresee my future condition; they did not instruct me in the
rural accomplishments of drinking, fat ale, playing at whisk, and
smoking tobacco with my husband; nor spreading poultries, setting
of broken limbs and distilling rosemary-water with that good old
gentlewoman, my mother-in-law. But look, here is something come to
divert us -

(Enter a Country-woman)

COUNTRYWOMAN

I come, an't please your Ladyship, - you're my lady Bountiful, an't
ye?

MRS. SULLEN

Well, good woman, go on.

COUNTRYWOMAN

I come seventeen long mile to have a cure for my husband's sore leg.

MRS. SULLEN

Your husband! What, woman, cure a husband!

COUNTRYWOMAN

Ay, poor man, for his leg won't let him stir from home.

MRS. SULLEN

Ah, I understand you better. What's the matter with his leg, Goody?

COUNTRYWOMAN

It come first, as one might say, with a sort of dizziness in his
foot.

MRS. SULLEN

Aye, dizziness is very common in husbands.

COUNTRYWOMAN

Then he had a kind of laziness in his joints, and then his leg broke
out, and then it swelled, and then it closed again, and then it
broke out again, and then it festered, and then it grew better, and
then it grew worse again.

MRS. SULLEN

Well, my good woman, I'll tell you what you must do. You must
lay your husband's leg upon a table, and with a chopping knife
you must lay it open as broad as you can.

2-1-4

## COUNTRYWOMAN

Yes, your ladyship.

### MRS. SULLEN

Then you must take out the bone, and beat the flesh soundly with a rolling pin; then take some salt, pepper and cloves and season it well. Then roll it up like drawn and put it in the oven for two hours.

## COUNTRYWOMAN

Heaven reward your ladyship. I have two little babies, too, that are piteous bad with the gripes, an't please you.

### MRS. SULLEN

Ah, that I know nothing about. My knowledge extends only to husbands, goody, and is boundless.

(Enter Lady Bountiful)

## LADY BOUNTIFUL

What's this, my good woman, have you come to see me?

### MRS. SULLEN

I beg your ladyship's pardon for taking your business out of your hands. I have been atampering here with one of your patients.

## LADY BOUNTIFUL

Come, good woman, don't mind this mad creature. I am the person that you want I suppose; come with me.- Daughter Sullen, I wonder that you can make a mock of the cures that are done these good people. Do not forget, pray, that I brought your husband back from death's door. We doubted of his life.

### MRS. SULLEN

I was not here at the time, madam - I do not know how I could have born the suspense.

## LADY BOUNTIFUL

I see him now. He will be with you soon.

(Exit Lady Bountiful with the Countrywoman)

### MRS. SULLEN

O, sister, sister! If ever you marry, beware of a sullen, silent sot, one that's always musing but never thinks. There's some diversion in a talking blockhead; and since a woman must wear chains I would have the pleasure of hearing 'em rattle a little.- Think now: he came home this morning at his usual hour of four and wakened me out of a sweet sleep of something else by tumbling over the teatable which he broke all to pieces; after his man and he had rolled about the room, like sick passengers in a storm, he comes flounce into bed, dead as a salmon into a fishmonger's basket; his feet cold as ice, his breath hot as a furnace, and his hands and face as greasy as his flannel nightcap. O matrimoney He tosses up the clothes with a barbarous swing over his shoulders, disorders the whole economy of my bed, leaves me half-naked, and my whole night's comfort is the tuneable serenade of that wakeful nightingale his nose. Oh, the pleasures of counting the melancholy

2-1-5

MRS SULLEN (cont.)

clock by a snoring husband! But now, sister, you shall see how
handsomely, being a well-bred man, he will beg my pardon.

(Enter Sullen)

SULLEN

My head aches consumedly.

MRS. SULLEN

Will you be pleased, my dear, to drink tea with us this morning?
It will do your head good.

SULLEN (long pause)

No.

DORINDA

Coffee, brother?

SULLEN

Psha!

MRS. SULLEN

Will you please to dress and go to church with me? The air may
help you.

SULLEN

Scrub! Scrub!

(Enter Scrub)

SCRUB

Sir!

SULLEN

What day of the week is it?

SCRUB

Sunday, isn't please your worship.

SULLEN

Sunday? 'Twas Sunday t'other day?

MRS SULLEN

Aye, every seventh, my love. You'll get the hang of it in time;
'Tis difficult at first.

SULLEN

Bring me a dram. And d'ye hear, set out the venison-pasty and
a tankard of strong beer upon the hall table. I'll go to breakfast.

DORINDA

Stay, brother, you sha'n't get off so soon. You did ill last night
and must make your wife reparation. You must ask her pardon.

SULLEN

For what?

For being drunk last night.

DORINDA

2-1-6

SULLEN (long pause)

I can afford it, can't I?

MRS. SULLEN

Why, sir, that's not the question.

X&GRUB SULLEN

Scrub!

SCRUB

Sir!

SULLEN

Get things ready to shave my head.

MRS. SULLEN

Aye, there's something that will turn the razor.

(Exit Sullen)

MRS SULLEN

Inveterate stupidity! Did you ever know so hard, so obstinate a
spleen as his? Nay, I shall never have good of the beast till I
get him to town - London, London, is the place for managing and
breaking a husband.

DORINDA

And has not a husband the same opportunities there for humbling
a wife?

MRS. SULLEN

No, no, child. A man dare not play the tyrant in London, because
there are so many examples to encourage the subject to rebel.
Oh, Dorinda, a fine woman may do anything in London; she may call
together an army of admirers.

DORINDA

And have you not a mind to be trying your power that way here in
Litchfield?

MRS. SULLEN

Mr. Gloss? The Chaplain of the Militia?

DORINDA

He is often here to dinner, I observe.

MRS. SULLEN

Well, sister, I thought one way to rouse my lethargic, sottish
husband was to give him a rival. I said to myself that security
begets negligence in all people, and that men must be alarmed to
make 'em alert to their duty; that women are like pictures, in of
no value in the hands of a fool, till he hears men of sense bid high
for the purchase); - but -

(She bursts out laughing)

Mr. Gloss was as little able to arouse jealousy in my husband as
he was to arouse interest in me. Mr. Gloss is an excellent dull
man.

2-1-7

DORINDA

Aye, an excellent man. He has only one fault as far as I can see: he is unendurable. - It was not likely, however, sister, that your scheme had succeeded in stirring my brother, for I fancy there's a natural aversion between you.

MRS. SULLEN

Oh, I would be contented, like a great many other wives, with the mere appearance of living with my husband, could I but bring him to disassemble a little kindness to keep me in countenance.

DORINDA

Nay, sister, I would not be so contented with an appearance of kindness, and every day I grow more strongly resolved to marry no man -

What? Dorinda?

MRS. SULLEN

DORINDA

Tell me, sister Sullen, if you are not angry with me for asking you, why did you originally marry my brother?

MRS. SULLEN (laughing)

Why 'tis very simple, like most folly. You remember your brother had been gravely ill and the doctors - and your mother who is five doctors -had forbidden him all spirits and ale and had sent him to take the waters at Bath where I then was. He wore then a periwig, well-powdered, and a coat well hung; but the thing which engaged my interest, dear Dorinda, were his silences,-

DORINDA

His silences?

MRS. SULLEN

To one surrounded as I had been by wits and fops, your brother's silences - which we now know to be pure vacancy and spleen - why, when he was sober, I was so far deceived as to believe them to be reflection and feeling. That, sister, is the story of my deception. Though I believe I was on the point of making a no less grievous mistake-, for I almost married a certain Lord Aimwell, who has under marriage turned out to be a monster of avarice and cruelty, so report says.

DORINDA

And in one way or another, I avow, the story of all wives; and as for me I shall expect of no man anything more than false appearance and deception, and am sure of nothing save that I shall remain single to my dying day.

MRS. SULLEN

Now you are too earnest in this, and I avow the fault of your exaggeration lies with me. Henceforth I swear to speak only well of the marriage state; for you should know the misfortune of my own has made me all the more resolved that you shall be happily married,- so happily married that your experiences shall cancel out mine, and leave the human race free to start out afresh upon this most vexatious, most bewildering, and most promising of its adventures.

THE BEAUX' STRATEGY

ACT TWO

Scene two

(THE INN. Enter Gloss, mopping
his brow, followed by Boniface.)

BONIFACE

Come, Mr. Gloss, you will need a glass of ale, for I doubt not
you preached a loud sermon and thumped the Bible soundly.

MR. GLOSS

It's a fact, Will Boniface, it's a fact. I gave the Devil a
warm hour and a half, sir.

BONIFACE

I wish I were a free man, Mr. Gloss. Many's the time I've wished
I could hear you in the pulpit.

MR. GLOSS

Faith, I was strong today, monstrous strong. The men wept like
babies, Mr. Boniface, and a round dozen of them swooned away,
including our bugler who is the tallest man in England. I gave 'em
the Judgement Day, sir;- thank you; your health, sir,- it's a poor
preacher who can't make an effect with the Judgement Day. When I
parted the sheep from the goats - did you not hear a kind of noise
on the air?

BONIFACE

'Tis true, sir. The camp is two miles away, but I heard a noise
this morning, like distant thunder, now I think on't.

MR. GLOSS

Aye, that was the goats going into eternal damnation. When I
think of sinners, Mr. Boniface, I cannot contain myself, I must
let go.

BONIFACE

Sure, there's advancement there, Mr. Gloss; I wonder you do not
seek advancement there.

MR. GLOSS

You have hit upon it. As you know I have not yet completed my
studies for holy orders; but as soon as our profits here - you
know what I mean?

BONIFACE

Oh, yes, sir; yes, I do.

MR. GLOSS

-I hope to establish myself in the church. My Judgement Day would
not be out of place in Canterbury or Westminster, Mr. Boniface.
I think I could make an echo there, sir. I fancy I could rattle the
windows a little.

BONIFACE

No doubt of it, Mr. Gloss.

2-2-2-

### MR. GLOSS

Now, Mr. Boniface, there's a matter I've wished to lay before you for some time. You know I've been thinking of retiring from the road. When we have divided our shares here, I'll be found, I think, to be a man of substance. Sir, I've come to you to ask you for the hand of your daughter Cherry.

### BONIFACE

In marriage, Mr. Gloss? Why, this is a great honor, Mr. Gloss. Cherry is but young yet, but she's of an age to make up her own mind in these matters. I'll call her. Cherry! Cherry!

### MR. GLOSS

There's no time to be lost, Mr. Boniface, because I think I have noticed a certain understanding that's being arrived at between Cherry and that young foot-pad, upstairs that pretends to be a footman. You would not have your daughter couple with a rogue, Mr. Boniface?

### BONIFACE

You're right, sir. The gallows will make no widows in my family, if I can prevent it. Cherry!

(Enter Cherry)

### CHERRY

Yes, father?

### BONIFACE

Daughter Cherry, our friend Mr. Gloss has something to say to you. I'll leave you. Your servant, Mr. Gloss.

(Exit Boniface)

### GLOSS

My dear Cherry, all-wise providence has ordained the institution of marriage for the propagation of the race and the comfort of man. It should not be entered into hastily. My dear Cherry, we have known one another for four years.

### CHERRY

Yes, Mr. Gloss, ever since the day you waylaid Milord Sanford on the Leicestershire Road and nigh lost your ear in the scuffle, Mr. Gloss.

### MR. GLOSS

Hm. Enough of that. Enough. Hm.- Have I not given you, dear Cherry, marks of my affection from time to time? I've not failed to bring you presents, have I?

### CHERRY

Thank you, sir. The first was the watch you got from the Bishop's lady at the cross-roads, thank you again, Mr. Gloss.

### MR. GLOSS

Hm. -Now, Cherry, I think I can say I'm held to be a man of substance-

### CHERRY

Oh, yes. You're posted at headquarters for a deal of money. There's

2-2-3

CHERRY (cont.)

two hundred pounds on your head now, and the sum will be enlarged
this month, there's no doubt of it.

MR. GLOSS

Why, Cherry, your thoughts run only on the business of the road;
I am a man of the cloth, too, you know.

CHERRY

Mr. Gloss, if your addresses are directed to me I thank you most
humbly for the honor you do, but you may spare your pains, sir, for
I have that unfortunate inclination common to young women, Mr. Gloss,
of wishing to marry someone more nearly of my own age. I am your
humble servant, sir.

MR. GLOSS

Your own age, is't, you jade? Ay, harkie, I know your drift. Your
cancy's running on the footman that's upstairs. Well, there's your
own age, minx, and a highwayman and housebreaker to boot.

CHERRY

'Tis not certain, sir.

MR. GLOSS

Not certain? Zounds! 'Tis as certain as sunrise, madam. For your
Mr. Martin has engaged with me this very night to come and enter
Lady Bountiful's house and rob it, minx.

CHERRY

Lady Bountiful's? Mr. Gloss I'll not have it. Besides she is my
godmother she has done me and all my family a thousand kindnesses.
Mr. Martin has said that he'd be with you in it?

MR. GLOSS

He did, and willingly.

CHERRY

Nay, I'll prevent it.

MR. GLOSS

How, madam? Do you not know that any disclosure of this will
bring you under the law also?

CHERRY

Mr. Gloss, I'll have no more to do with you. You shall have your
presents back tonight, and I'll be no more the keeper of your
stolen goods, sir, and you'll not take Mr. Martin with you in the
shadow of the hangman's rope. If Mr. Martin be a highwayman, which
is not certain, he is but new at it, and you'll not give him lessons.

(Exait. Archer on the balcony.)

ARCHER

Good morrow, Mr. Gloss.

Good morrow, Cherry.

GLOSS

Your servant, Mr. Archer.

2-2-4

(Cherry turns and goes out angrily)

ARCHER

Why, Mr. Gloss, is Cherry angry?

GLOSS

'Tis nothing remarkable. - Mr. Martin, have you considered the venture I spoke of?

ARCHER

Why, I'm warming to it, Mr. Gloss. When is't to be?

GLOSS

I'm for it tonight, whether you decide to be of the party or no.
Without you I'll take a likely assistant I have, but I'd prefer
your company.

ARCHER

What house is't, Mr. Gloss?

GLOSS

Why, 'tis that of a certain Lady Bountiful that lives with her son
Squire Sullen.

ARCHER

Lady Bountiful? Was not Cherry talking to me about this family
last night?

GLOSS

Very like, for Lady Bountiful is her godmother, as you might say.

ARCHER

And Cherry knows of your plan? Ah,- I see! -therein lay her anger
a moment ago?

GLOSS

Why, sir, Cherry's a foolish jade.

ARCHER

I see.- Here comes my master. Would you have him in the business, too?

GLOSS

There's no need of him, Mr. Maritn, and the fewer the workers, the
larger the portions, you know.

ARCHER

You are right. I'll think another hour on it and give you my answer
then.

GLOSS

As you will; as you will. Your servant, sir.

ARCHER

Your servant, Mr. Gloss.

(Gloss exits into Kitchen.)

(Enter Aimwell in high spirits)

AIMWELL

Jack! Our journey's over. Our results are assured, and there's

2-2-5

AIMWELL (cont.)

nothing left to do, but rejoice -

ARCHER

What, are you married already?

AIMWELL

No; but I marry this girl or die a bachelor. Jack, such beauty, such eyes, such an air.

ARCHER

Moderate yourself, Tom.

AIMWELL

Here, moderation's not possible.

ARCHER

Is she rich, too?

AIMWELL

She is, Jack. I tipped the sexton a shilling and have learned all about her. She has ten thousand pound and a thousand a year, or thereabouts - but, faith, Jack, I know not how far I'd go had she nothing.

ARCHER

Fortunately, that's not in question. What's her name?

AIMWELL

Dorinda, which means golden, don't it, Jack, for you're a scholar.

ARCHER

Why, yes, there's some gold in Dorinda.

AIMWELL

And she's the daughter of a good woman named Lady Bountiful that lives hard by.

ARCHER

What? Lady Bountiful?

AIMWELL

Aye, she's the mother of a Squire Sullen -

ARCHER

Tom! Hark'ee, that's the house that Mr. Gloss wants me to break into tonight, as fellow-house-breaker. And what's more, he's to do it, whether I'm of the party or not.

AIMWELL

Why, we can prevent it, can't we, Jack?

ARCHER

Leave this to me. We'll turn it to good purpose. Now let me think a moment.

(Scrub appears at the courtyard door)

SCRUB

Please your worship, are you the stranger gentleman that was to

2-2-6

SCRUB (cont.)

church this morning?

AIMWELL

Why, I was there - perhaps it's I you mean?

SCRUB

Saving your presence, I'd have a word with your servant.

AIMWELL

Here he is. Martin, a visitor for you.

SCRUB

Mr. Martin, sir, I'm Scrub that's servant to my Lady Bountiful. And judging that you were new come from London, Mr. Martin, the ladies bade me invite you to our house, sir, - if your master will give you leave, sir, - to drink our ale and to instruct me in the new London ways of dressing a table, sir, and the new flourishes in whetting a knife, if agreeable to you.

AIMWELL

Why, yes, I'll spare you, Martin. My compliments to Lady Bountiful, Scrub, and you may have Martin's company when you please.

SCRUB

Thank you, sir. I'll look for you after dinner - this the second gate beyond the churchyard, Mr. Martin.

ARCHER

I'll be there, and many thanks to you.

SCRUB

Your servant, sir, your servant.

( Exit Scrub)

ARCHER

So, Jack, you were remarked, it seems. I could fancy that the ladies have sent to pump me of your name and quality.

AIMWELL

Could not I manage some way to be there, too.

ARCHER

There's no call for such haste - Your Dorinda must not be attacked so soon.

AIMWELL

Faith, I cannot stay away.

ARCHER

What name shall I give you, Tom, for at last a name must out.

AIMWELL

Why, I'll use my brother's since I'm not like to have anything else from the miser; and the title will aid the early steps of the business. I'll be Lord Viscount Aimwell, and I'll fetch me to their house the sooner.

2-2-7

ARCHER

Lord Aimwell, your servant. What's your other name?

AIMWELL

My brother's name is Robert, tho there's few that use it, since
he has no friends.

ARCHER

Mark you, your Lordship, how circumstance is playing into our hand.
I'll look over the house and see how the raid tonight can be turned
to our advantage.

AIMWELL

And devise a means whereby I come there soon, for every hour's
separation from Dorinda is - but here is your friend; I'll leave you.

( Enter Cherry. Aimwell goes up to his room.)

ARCHER

Good morrow, dear Cherry.

CHERRY

Your servant, Mr. Martin.

ARCHER

Mr. Martin! Did you not agree last night to call me Jack, and to
kiss me for forfeit if you forgot it?

CHERRY

Mr. Martin, I am not the same woman you talked with last; and I
despise the ignorant deluded foolish Cherry who stood right here
twelve hours ago.

ARCHER

What? What's this? Wherein lies the difference?

CHERRY

Why, sir, I am wiser now. Now I know that the world is a wicked
place; that ingratitude is the law of its being; that men are
deceivers all, all, - and that we women are fools if we do not
engage in a warfare with all men that comes to an end only on our
dying day. Mr. Martin, your servant.

ARCHER

Stay, stay, Cherry. Have I deserved your displeasure?

CHERRY

You, sir, and all men.

ARCHER

What have I done?

CHERRY

Your show of innocence is not new to me. - Mr. Martin, your servant?

ARCHER

Why, if you do not choose to tell me how I have offended, you may be
gone and I care not.

2-2-9

CHERRY (bursting into tears)

Yes.

ARCHER (slowly)

Do you understand that circumstance can often force one into
situations, my dear Cherry, where the appearance of evil is worse
than the substance?

CHERRY

Oh, yes, Mr. Martin.

ARCHER

Then will you think well of me until such a time as you will discover
the worst?

CHERRY (Drying her eyes)

Yes, I will.

ARCHER

Good. -Now, Cherry, listen to me. Are you listening?

CHERRY

Yes, sir.

ARCHER

Your father is a rogue.

CHERRY

I know it.

ARCHER

Cherry, within a few days or hours, Mr. Gloss will be apprehended.
I do not doubt that before the Justice he will reveal all the share
which you and your father have had in his robberies. Let me advise
you to take this store of money - leaving your father only enough
to buy himself off the gallows - and yourself hie over to Ireland.
Go tonight, Cherry, or it may be too late.

CHERRY

And will I never see you again, Mr. Martin?

ARCHER (On the stairs)

Why when the hue and cry has died down, Cherry, you would best return
to London; and inquire in the clubs for Jack Archer who will have
three more questions to put to you.

CHERRY

Sir, first let me return you your strong-box which I'm afraid my
father will steal from you.

ARCHER

Why, Cherry, that is but one more deception in this game that we
must play in order to be able in the end to tell the truth. Goodbye,
pretty Cherry, and God speed!

(He dashes into his room. Cherry wipes her eyes,
And the CURTAIN falls.)

## ACT TWO-SC THREE

(Lady Bountiful's house. Mrs. Sullen listening at a door from behind which come sounds of men singing. Enter Dorinda.)

### DORINDA

What do you there, sister? What can it be? Sure, there are a dozen men singing?

### MRS SULLEN

Three. My husband; Scrub; and a guest - Now they will try "John Peel" again, for they lost the hang of it the first time, and are bent on perfection. Ha-ha-ha. In the country, Dorinda, we have few pleasures but, I vow, in London I never listened to the opera with half so good a will.

### DORINDA

A guest? What guest is that?

### MRS. SULLEN

You must think for yourself who it is. - Lud, my husband can sing only one note, but he puts all the breath into it that he has grudged to conversation these twenty years.

### DORINDA

Is it... is it Mr. Glass?

### MRS. SULLEN

No, child, no. I would not listen at a door to hear Mr. Glass singing. You must guess again.

### DORINDA

Is it.. ? (suddenly) Sister! Well, I'll not stay; I'll not see him. Do you think that I am a fool to fall in love with the first strange man that appears in church? No doubt you have devised some way to bring him into the house, but I'll not see him. Good day, madam.

### MRS SULLEN (laughing)

Dorinda! Moderate your protests my child, or I'll not believe 'em. Did you not concede this morning that he was a goodly man?

### DORINDA

So he is, and therefore I'll not see him.

### MRS. SULLEN

Did you not allow that his bearing was modest, but noble; that his behaviour, without being forward, bespoke the leader; that -

### DORINDA

I did; and therefore I'll see no more of him.

### MRS. SULLEN

Nay, sister, declare yourself. Why would you not wish a closer view of a man who by your own confession is possessed of such advantages? And who, moreover, gave such signs of being struck by your own that I think I never saw such sudden evidence of attachment?

### DORINDA

I am still heart-whole, sister, whatever he is; and any further

2-3-2

DORINDA (cont.)

danger I can avoid by running away.

MRS. SULLEN

Danger?

DORINDA

You ask me what danger? You, sister? - who complain daily of the
misfortune that follow upon infatuation; who told me only this morning
of the mistakes to which a woman is liable? How that my brother when
you first met him seemed no less pleasing than the gentleman we saw
this morning in church, and how Lord Aimwell - who has since been
discovered to be cruel and miserly - before his marriage seemed to be
worthy of your choice. No, sister, let me profit by your errors, and
let me avoid this possibility of deception, while I can.

MRS. SULLEN (laughing)

You shall, dear sister. I vow, by all my sufferings, that you shall
make no mistakes as I have. But, child, you have learnt your lesson
too well. I meant no judgement on all mankin.

DORINDA

What you _meant_ is your own; what you show is mine. That gentleman
may be as handsome and amiable as you please, but I'll not think well
of him, nor of any man, until I have known him for twenty years; and
you can build no romance on that, I believe. Goodday, madam.

MRS. SULLEN

Wait, sister. The guest that you hear singing is not the gentleman
you saw in church; it is only his footman.

DORINDA

His footman!

MRS. SULLEN

He cannot be dangerous to you, I think. Scrub asked him to the
house; they have fallen to drinking, and my husband, who can scent
where drinking is at twenty miles distance, has joined them. - Sh!
They are coming here. Come we will go into the china-cabinet here,
and overhear them. There's no danger in that, I think.

DORINDA

Should we be eaves-droppers on them, sister?

MRS. SULLEN

Since they are drunk, their minds are absent, and it is no indiscreet
to overhear a vacancy, I suppose. Come.
(Exeunt the ladies. Enter Sullen, with a tankard
in his hadn -calling)

SULLEN

Come, brother Martin! Why d'ye hang back? The women are not here,
and if they were tis no matter; for I'm master here and can break
all the ch airs and tables, too.
(Enter Scrub and Archer)

SCRUB

Your Worship! Your Worship! Remember your promise. You promised
her ladyship on the bible and the studbook that you'd break no more
furniture. Recollect, your worship, - all the women weeping and all
the glass in the dogs' feet.

2-3-3-

## SULLEN

Aye, Aye, but Brother Martin, -harkee! -breaking a chair in a window is the greatest sport in the world. And I can afford it, too. Now you must call me Brother Sullen, for I'll drink and break chairs with no man but a brother. Why, brother Martin, you're as good a man as I am any day.

(bus. of protests: no - no! Yes - Yes!)

Had your father married my mother, would y'not have owned this place, and married my wife, and no man would have known the difference. Nay, it's a strange world, ain't it? Pho, my head aches. Liquor came into the world to prevent thinking, - so let's drink.

## ARCHER (to Scrub)

Your master is more at home in his stable, I should say.

## SCRUB

Aye, but the dogs and horses drink only water, you know, which sets a great difference between 'em,-

## SULLEN

'Sdeath, I know not where the women are. They were here an hour ago
'Tis no matter, save only - hm! - you must kiss my wife.

## ARCHER

Eh?

## SULLEN

She's a fine London lady and says we have no pleasures in the country. You may kiss my sister, too, if you will; but she's skim-milk. - Mrs. Sullen! Mrs. Sullen!

## ARCHER

Is she handsome, brother Scrub?

## SCRUB

Aye, damned handsome, so they say. So they say. For as for myself, I've been married twenty years and am not permitted to be a judge of a fine looking woman.

## ARCHER

Is it the squire's custom to offer his wife's kisses to the guests?

## SCRUB

No, brother Martin. 'Tis the first kind thought he's given the poor lady this half year.

## SULLEN

Well, let her seek her own pleasures; I've done my duty. - But tell me brother Martin, why have you come into the country?

## ARCHER

Hm! Will you be sure to keep a secret if I tell it to you?

## SULLEN

Pho! I can keep a secret, can I not, Scrub?

## SCRUB

Your worship is the best man in Staffordshire for a secret, for you never speak more than ten words in a day. Your worship has talked more this hour than your worship has talked all the year.

2-3-4

SULLEN

And that's the truth, brother Martin, I'm no great talker.

ARCHER

And can you keep a secret, brother Scrub?

SCRUB

I? I? I call his worship to witness. Have I not kept all your
worship's secrets? How you broke the china shepherd that your
wife got from London -

SULLEN

Hush! Hush!

SCRUB

And how you stood on her pet dog so that it sickened and had to be
shot -

SULLEN

(putting his hand on Scrub's mouth)

Sh! Devil take you!

SCRUB

Sure, I can keep a secret! -and how your worship lost in the mud
the letters that your wife gave you to post.

SULLEN

Hold your tongue! Death and damnation!

ARCHER

Well, I can see that you can both keep a secret; so listen. You
must know that my master is Lord Aimwell -

(Sullen puts his hand to his head, puzzled,
as though he had heard the name before.)

He fought a duel t'other day in London and wounded his man so
dangerously that he thinks fit to withdraw till he hears whether
the gentleman's wounds be mortal or not. He never was in this part
of England before, so he chose to retire to this place,-that's the
secret of it. But if you would chance to talk of this!

SULLEN (long silence)

Nay, you shall kiss my wife! -Kate! kate! - I shall find her for you.

(exit Sullen)

SCRUB

Now, I'll tell you a secret. Do you know what my place is in this
family?

ARCHER

Butler, I suppose.

SCRUB

Ah, Lord help us, I'll tell you; Monday I drive the coach; Tuesday
I drive the plough; Wednesday I follow the hounds; Thursday I dun
the tenants; Friday I go to the market; Saturday I make the accounts;
Sunday, and everyday. I am surgeon and apothecary for my lady
Bountiful.

2-3-5

ARCHER

Seven secrets, brother Scrub that are like to be in circulation
through no fault of mine. -But I think I see the ladies coming. Should
we not withdraw from here?

SCRUB

Faith, the ladies spend so much time in our battery that we are free to
repay their visits.

(Enter Mrs. Sullen and Dorinda)

MRS. SULLEN

Oh! You are not alone, Scrub?

SCRUB

No, Madam, this is Mr. Martin, the servant of the strange gentleman
you see in church today. I understood he came from London and I
invited him to my cellar,-

MRS. SULLEN

And I hope you have made much of him?

ARCHER

Oh, yes, madam,-but the strength of your ladyship's liquor is a little too potent for your humble servant.

MRS. SULLEN

What? Then you don't usually drink ale?

ARCHER

No, madam. My constant drink is tea or a little wine and water.

(Dorinda and Scrub burst out laughing)

'Tis prescribed me by the physician as a remedy against the spleen.

SCRUB

Brother Martin! Mr. Martin! A footman and the spleen!

ARCHER

Madam, like other fashions it wears out and descends to the servants.

MRS. SULLEN

How long have you served your present master?

ARCHER

Not long. My life has been mainly spent in the service of the ladies.

MRS. SULLEN

And which service do you like best?

ARCHER

Oh, madam, the ladies, by a great deal.

MRS. SULLEN

Why is that?

ARCHER

Since your ladyship has asked...I may say there is a charm in their
looks...if they be handsome... that turns duty to inclination. and
obligation to pleasure; to be near them is to feel a constant
intoxication which removes fatigue; and to gaze upon them is a happiness
which all but makes us forget the livery we wear.

2-3-6

MRS. SULLEN

(her hand to her heart)

It is possibile, -Dorinda,-

DORINDA

What were you going to say, sister?

MRS. SULLEN

( to Archer)

But, sir, you are now serving a gentleman?

ARCHER

Yes, madam, I was turned off from my last place. I was serving an elderly lady and my memory was too weak for the messages that were laid upon me.

MRS. SULLEN

Indeed?

ARCHER

My lady Howd'ye, my last mistress called me up one morning and told me: Martin, go to my lady Allnight with my humble service; tell her I was to wait on her ladyship yesterday and left word with Mrs. Rebecca that the preliminaries she knows of are stopped till we know of the concurrence of the person we have in mind, for which there are circumstances wanting which we shall accomodate at the old place: but that there is a person about her ladyship that, from several hints and surmises, was accessory at a certain time to the disappointments that attended the matter; that to her certain knowledge -

MRS. SULLEN

That is a message, indeed.

ARCHER

Why I ain't half done; the whole message was half an hour long. I misplaced two syllables and was sent away.

MRS. SULLEN

But, sir, if your present master is married, I presume you still serve a lady?

ARCHER

No, madam, I take care never to come into a married family. The commands of the master and mistress are so contrary that 'tis impossible to please both.

SCRUB

(loudly, laughing)

Ay, sir, ay, Martin, that's the God's truth of it.

MRS. SULLEN

For what are you laughing, Scrub?! Sir, must you give so bad an account of married households?

ARCHER

'Tis common report that there are half a dozen happy marriages in London, madam, but, in truth, I think they are like the ghosts in haunted houses; the more nearly you inquire into 'em, the harder they are to find. These marvels flourish best at a distance.

2-3-7-

MRS. SULLEN

Come, I do not like my sister to hear marriage ill-spoken of, for I
am resolved that she shall be happy in it.

ARCHER

Indeed, the young lady's chance of happiness in it will be the
greater if her anticipations are not raised to too high a pitch. Yet
like the rest of the world, madam, I am forever believing that these
matters are about to take a better turn; and I am half persuaded that
my master, should he chance to fall in love, would make the husband
that the human race has been waiting for.

MRS. SULLEN

Indeed?

ARCHER

I serve my Lord Aimwell, Madam, a most excellent gentleman, - and
praise of the master by his servant is of more value than twenty
good opinions arrived at elsewhere.

DORINDA

Has your master no failing, Mr. Martin, that he should make so
perfect a husband?

ARCHER

Yes, he has one, madam, I scarcely know what name to give it. For
he has arrived at the opinion that there are no women without vanity
and no wives without fickleness, and I fear that he has resolved to
die unmarried.

MRS. SULLEN

Sure, you are married yourself, sir?

ARCHER

No, madam, - unfortunately. The same livery which brings me into the
service of ladies of qualities has unfitted me for the society of
women in my own station. The kindness of your question, -I am
indebted to you for your interest, Madam, - has brought to light the
unhappiness of my life. For when I have the privilege of talking to
a woman of quality, of beauty, madam, of elegance and wit, madam, -
of admiring her fine eyes, -can you not conceive that I might forget
that I am a servant and remember only that I am a man? -And since I
dare not aspire to a marriage above my station, I too am resolved to
live forever as I am.

MRS. SULLEN (bursts out laughing)

So the whole earth is turning celibate and mankind will die out.
Our place will be taken by the animals who have created no social
barriers among them and who, I think, do not require a perfection of
temper in the objects of their choice. -Come, sister, we must not
detain them from their amusements. Sir, I thank you for this company.

(giving Archer some money)

Something for a pair of gloves.

###

2-3-8-

ARCHER

I humbly beg leave to be excused. My master pays me, nor dare I
take money from any other hands without injuring his honor and disobey-
ing his command. Good day, Madam, -Madam. - Come, brother Scrub.

(exeunt Archer and Scrub)

MRS. SULLEN

The devil take him for wearing that livery. Is it not a mischievous
provoking world where such an address and such presence must be foot-
men and where some persons I could name are squires and gentlemen! Pho!

DORINDA

He said his master was Lord Aimwell. Is not that the cruel and
miserly gentleman you said was suitor to your hand in Bath? Why did
you not recognize him in church today?

MRS. SULLEN

(stares at her a moment; then exclaims as though
to herself)

Why! He's no footman! Am I gone mad, that I would believe it? Why
what's behind this?

DORINDA

No footman, sister? Then this is another of those deceptions that
are inseparable from men and husbands, I suppose?

MRS. SULLEN

(collecting herself; reassuringly)

No, love, - I meant no <u>ordinary</u> footman.

DORINDA

But his master, is he Lord Aimwell that you knew?

MRS. SULLEN

I scarcely glimpsed him. He must be he. Come child, if you allow
all your suspicions so free a rein, there'd be no honesty in the
world. 'Tis no doubt as he said.

DORINDA

I could wish that it were all that he said; for if his master is as
excellent xx a man as he reported, would it not be a good work to show
him that all women are not as foolish as he thinks them?

MRS. SULLEN

So? Well, that's a better spirit. But here's your mother.

(enter Lady Bountiful)

Lady BOUNTIFUL

Did I not hear men's voices singing here?

MRS. SULLEN

Yes, your ladyship, A London servant from the inn has been passing the hour with Scrub, and your son has joined them in their drinking, to be sure.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Your dear husband's constitution requires such occasional reinforce-
ment daughter Sullen.

2-3-9

MRS. SULLEN

A little more such reinforcement, I think, and the patient will have
so far recovered as to be dead.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

A servant was here from the inn, you say? Nay, I would I had been
here.

MRS. SULLEN

Wherefore, madam?

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Why, to treat him with courtesy, daughter Sullen. You London ladies
think there's no flesh and blood beneath a livery. We, who have
dealings in medicine, my child, know that all men are much alike. You
should know that these men have the same inclinations and passions
that gentleman have.

MRS. SULLEN

I can believe it.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

I'll call the man back. Faith, will you not show him a little
kindness?

MRS. SULLEN

I call Dorinda to witness. We showed him as much kindness as was
suitable. He was not slow in remarking it, for he talked as freely
as an Earl, and somewhat more, I think.

DORINDA

Tis true, madam.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Hm! I hope so.

MRS. SULLEN

Why, madam, -like your son, would you wish us to embrace him?

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Kindness, kindness is all, daughter Sullen.

(Enter Archer in haste)

ARCHER

Saving your presence...where...where is Lady Bountiful? Pray which
is the old lady of you three?

LADY BOUNTIFUL

I am.

ARCHER

God be praised! Madam, my master is in distress, and the fame of
your ladyship's charity and skill have drawn me hither to implore
your ladyship's help.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Why, sir, what is the matter?

ARCHER

I fear that my unfortunate master is this minute breathing his last.

2-3-10

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Your master? Where is he? -Scrub!

ARCHER

At your gate, madam. Drawn hither by the appearance of your handsome
house he came up the avenue to view it nearer; and he was taken ill
of a sudden with a sort, I know not what, and there he lies.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Scrub! Scrub! -Is your master used to these fits?

ARCHER

Oh, yes, madam, Frequently I have known him to be unconscious for
whole nights at a time.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

What's his name?

ARCHER

Lord, madam, he's a-dying. A minute's care or neglect may save or
destroy his life.

(Enter Scrub)

SCRUB

Yes, milady?

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Take this easy chair into the avenue and put the gentleman in it and
bring him in here, -quickly, quickly. Come with me, I'll see him
brought in myself.

(Exeunt Lady Bountiful, Archer and Scrub)

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

DORINDA

Why, sister, how can you laugh when the gentleman may be at this
very moment *dying* dying. Pray God my mother's skill will be
serviceable to him, -the poor gentleman!

MRS. SULLEN

Aye, aye- the poor gentleman! Did you not shudder to hear of those
nights when he is without consciousness whatever? -Sister, I have a
sort of prophetic fit, and I think I can tell you: the man will live.

(Enter from another door, Cherry, in great anxiety
with a shawl thrown over her head.)

CHERRY

Madam, good Madam, I must speak to you-

MRS. SULLEN

Why, Cherry,-

CHERRY

I cannot catch my breath - I come to warn you, -those two gentlemen
from the inn - they must not see me here-

MRS. SULLEN

Dorinda, go help your *mother* bring the poor gentleman in. I'm
sure they'll need you.

2-3-11

DORINDA

Indeed, if I could help -
(Exit Dorinda)

CHERRY

Madam, you are all in danger. Believe me, they are rogues and rascals.

MRS. SULLEN (laughing)

I think they are.

CHERRY

If they see me here, I shall be killed. They are coming now! Hide
me. For I shall not go until I tell what I know.

MRS. SULLEN

Come, hide in this china closet.
(Exit Cherry)

I'll call you when they've gone.
(Enter Scrub and Archer carrying Aimwell
unconscious in a chair, followed by Lady
Bountiful.)

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Scrub, you know where the hartshorn drops are. His fit's very strong.
Bless me, how his hands are clenched.

ARCHER (to Dorinda)

You, madam, I pray you help us. Pray take his hand and open it, if
you can, while I hold his head.

DORINDA

Oh, poor gentleman! Oh, he has got my hand and he squeezes it
unmercifully.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Tis the violence of his convulsion, child. Why what's the matter
with the foolish girl, I have got this hand open with the greatest
of ease.

ARCHER

No doubt, he is in delirium and fancies this hand will save him.
(looking at Mrs. Sullen)

I'm often troubled with these fits and know well what delusions can
fill a man's head.

MRS. SULLEN (moving away)

Why, sir, when a man's out of his senses the best thing to do is to
stay away from him.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Where did his illness take him first, pray?

ARCHER

Today at church, madam. Something entered his eye and inflamed his
head and was straight conveyed to his heart.

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Wind, nothing but wind. See he recovers. The lavendar water. Some
feathers to burn under his nose. Hem, a little, sir: hem.

2-3-12

ARCHER
How does your lordship?

AIMWELL
Martin's voice, I think.

ARCHER
Could your lordship release this lady's hand? It is causing her pain.

DORINDA
It is not so bad now as it was before.

AIMWELL (closing his eyes)
I saw an angel here. Let me stay where I am in Paradise.

LADY BOUNTIFUL
Delirious, poor gentleman.

ARCHER
Very delirious, Madam, very delirious.

AIMWELL
Where am I?

ARCHER
In very good hands, sir. You were taken just now with one of your old fits, -under the trees,- and her ladyship has taken you in and has miraculously brought you to yourself, as you see.

AIMWELL (rising, to Dorinda)
Madam, if you are not in my dream...can I believe it?... I must ask your pardon. I have hurt your hand.

DORINDA
Sir, it is . . . forgotten, already.

AIMWELL (to Lady Bountiful)
I am so confounded with shame, madam, that I can now only beg your pardon, and ask to wait upon you tomorrow with my thanks. -Martin, give a guinea to the servant.

LADY BOUNTIFUL
No, sir. No, sir. You must first come into my dispensary where I have something that will restore you wholly, Dorinda, you will show the gentleman the way. - Come you will all learn from this.

(They all go out leaving Archer bowing beside the door for Mrs. Sullen to pass)

ARCHER
Madam?

MRS. SULLEN
Pray go, sir. I shall follow presently.

(Archer glances at her with a smile and goes out.)

2-3-13

MRS. SULLEN (cont.)

Heaven help us! Is there no protection for a woman against the
impertinence of a man's eyes? None! The whole house is bent on
pushing me into this imudent fellow's arms, and even I, who know
that he is an imposter laughing at us all for country fools, even
I could not say that I despise him. Alas is not there the whole
anatomy of a woman's heart? With half our heart we would turn the
tables upon 'em, expose their arrogance, heap ridicule upon their
complacency, and drive them in triumph from the scene; but

(putting her hand on her heart)

with the other half - Oh, Eve, Mother of us all! - we would have their
admiration, play the fool for their flattery, and stifle our reason
so that we might believe their protestations. Oh, there is a warfare
in our natures that only love can put an end to, and one more humiliation
from this master-footman and I shall be his servant in a bondage
compared to which slavery itself is the freedom of a bird. I must
haste to join them, for if he came in that door alone I'd be -

(enter Archer)

ARCHER

Madam!

God help us all! Sir?

MRS. SULLEN (to the audience)

ARCHER

The graciousness of your attention, madam, emboldens me to ask you if
you might consider engaging me in your service, madam?

MRS. SULLEN

Why, sir, we live in the country; our needs our few.

ARCHER

The service I offer you can only be judged by trial.

MRS. SULLEN

I fear that your service would be too costly.

ARCHER

It is true, madam. that without recompense I would be like to perish,
but I would ask no more than many men receive, knowing that from
your ladyship's hand it would be re-ward richer than a miser's dream.

MRS. SULLEN (to the audience)

What did I tell you? Are not these lies that one would give away
one's heart to believe? - What recommendations, sir, do you bring from
your previous situations?

ARCHER

None, madam, and I deserved none, for I never gave true service
before.

MRS. SULLEN

Is that an advantage?

ARCHER

Indeed it is, for I have neither been rendered dull by routine, nor
do I come with the vainglory of past triumphs.

2-3-14

MRS. SULLEN

(to the audience, with a gesture of surrender)

If this be a footman, I am ready for the kitchen! -Would you be
willing and courteous to all the members of the household?

ARCHER

No, madam, unendurable.

MRS. SULLEN

Indeed?

ARCHER

The zeal of my devotion to you would permit no one else to approach
your person.

MRS. SULLEN

Should I be obliged, however, to dismiss you would you take it
without rancor?

ARCHER

Hellfire and damnation, no! (kneeling) All that I ask of you
Madam, is a lifetime's engagement. I ask no more than your life and
heart, madam, and beyond that I ask nothing in the whole world.

MRS. SULLEN

Sir, I wonder that you can affect so great a passion for a woman
whom you take to be a fool.

AIMWELL ARCHER

Madam?

MRS. SULLEN

Nay, do not rise; for since you think so lightly of me, I could wish
to see you forever in this ridiculous position.

(to the audience)

What did I tell you? Do you think that I believe you to be a foot-
man? And that your friend, who but now pretended imperfectly to an
illness, is Lord Aimwell? No, sir, you are imposters - whether from
knavery or from sport, I do not know.

ARCHER

Madam, we are.

MRS. SULLEN

Confession is easy, sir, when one has been found out. I am your
servant, sir.

ARCHER

Madam, if we are imposters, give me one day, one half of a day, to
show you that we have meant neither harm nor mockery here.

(Sounds of Sullen roaring off stage)

Your husband is coming, madam -

(Enter Sullen, from the hall, still more drunk)

SULLEN

Brother Martin! Why, where y'been brother? And there's my wife.
God's name you've all been hiding.

2-3-15

MRS. SULLEN

Sir, you are drunk, and I'll leave you.

SULLEN

Wife! This man is my brother, and so he's your brother. You shall
treat him kindly and give him a kiss.

MRS. SULLEN

I have treated him kindly, as I think he'll vouch for, and Now I'll
take my leave.

SULLEN (roaring)

Promises or no promises, I'll break every chair that's here and all
the windows too, if you'll not do what ye should.

ARCHER

Brother Martin! Be -

SULLEN

I'll pull down the house: yes or no?

MRS. SULLEN

My love, stop shouting. Since you wish it, I shall kiss your
brother for you. -Sir, your cheek. (under her breath) So much
to save a broken chair.

ARCHER

(holding her and kissing her)

And this for the table, my sister. -Brother Sullen, are you
satisfied? - You have not yet paid for the window, madam?

SULLEN

So! What's a house without friends?

MRS. SULLEN (releasing herself) (to Sullen)

Another of our brothers has been taken ill, my love, and is now
being restored to health by your mother. Your zealous hospital-
ity requires that I visit his convalescence.

(Enter Lady Bountiful in a great rage
followed by Dorinda, weeping, Aimwell
and Scrub.)

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Thieves! Robbers! I'll not have it! I'll not be so abused!

Are you the master here or no?

SULLEN

Nay, mother you must meet my brother, - brother Martin -

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Sir, you are no Lord Aimwell! Daughter Sullen, you know Lord
Aimwell as well as I do - imposters! Rogues!

(Aimwell, Dorinda and Archer speak together)

AIMWELL

Will your ladyship allow me to explain -

DORINDA

Mother! Do but listen to what they say.

2-3-16

ARCHER

Madam! Tis easily cleared up. This is Lord Aimwell's brother, who
being in the country.-

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Explanations! Lies! I'll not hear 'em. God's breath! I'm the
kindest woman in Staffordshire, but I'll not endure rogues. Scrub,
call the dogs.

SCRUB

Your ladyship, the dogs have taken so great a fancy to brother Martin
here that they're like to follow him home from pure love.

AIMWELL

Madam, we need no dogs to make us withdraw. Your unjust displeasure
is enough -- Martin!

SULLEN

I care not what their name is, - come let's drink.

AIMWELL

We respectfully take our leave of your ladyship, and of these ladies,
hoping that when your ladyship's anger has abated.-

LADY BOUNTIFUL

Never! q

AIMWELL

-we may have leave to present our apologies for a harmless jest.
Your servant.

(EXECUTIVE Aimwell and Archer. As they go
Dorinda sways)

DORINDA

Air! I faint!

LADY BOUNTIFUL

What? Now Dorinda's ill. No wonder, My son, support her into the
dispensary. Daughter Sullen, do you feel faint too, after these
dangers?

MRS. SULLEN

No, your ladyship.

(As they go out leaving Mrs. Sullen alone.
She goes to the door of the china cabinet)

Cherry! Cherry! Are you still here?

(enter Cherry)

CHERRY

Oh, Madam, tis good I've come, for the case is worse than you think.
My love and indebtedness to Lady Bountiful and yourself have brought
me here, though I think, in danger of my very life. These men,
madam, believe me, are no better than thieves and highwaymen.

MRS. SULLEN

Cherry! You have no proof of this!

CHERRY

More proof than I can tell, madam. This very night they aim to
break into this house and rob you.

MRS. SULLEN (laughs)

2-3-17

CHERRY

Believe me! Believe me! They are in league with Mr. Gloss, who
for three years has been a highwayman, too.

MRS. SULLEN

Ha! That is more like.

CHERRY

(Bringing a large pistol out from under her apron)
I have brought you this, madam, to protect yourself.

MRS. SULLEN

There is some mistake here, but I thank you. Now say nothing of
this to anyone. I'll see no harm is done.

CHERRY

Sure, you may be killed in your beds tonight. Should you not call
some officers of the militia?

MRS. SULLEN

(Leading her to the door)

We can protect ourselves

CHERRY

I think... these London gentlemen are but new to robbery. I beg
you not to shoot the taller one. Madam, could you only frighten
him out of his evil ways?

MRS. SULLEN

Rest easy, there, Cherry. He will receive enough corrections.

CHERRY

(Kissing her hand)

God protect you all.

(Exit Cherry.

(Mrs. Sullen, lifting the pistol gingerly and
pointing at an imaginary opponent says:)

MRS. SULLEN

Sir,