-3-

True, life up North is more standardized and drab, perhaps even more expensive than in Mexico, but an engineer should be able (if he is lucky) to find there room for more ample expression of his talents.

I hate to ask you the question, because I appreciate your situation with respect to the Fields, Du Ponts, etc., but I wonder whether you could not think of some method for me approaching them? Of course, it is easy enough to write them, but as I am not (yet) looking for positions in the lower levels, I must have strong top contacts to start with. These I have not cultivated much, but I would like to look up some when, as and if I manage to get to New York. I also have in mind a couple of contacts in Newark and Philadelphia.

It is a pretty messy case and I hope you don't mind my unburdening myself to you. Just take it as a release of some feelings that have to find an outlet, lest they cause undesirable blowouts, as in tires, for example. If, in your wisdom, you have any suggestions to offer, I'll be happy to receive them.

With best wishes and regards to all.

GREGORY ZILBOORO, M.D.
14 EAST SEVENTY-FIFTH STREET
NEW YORK CITY

September 9, 1936.

Dear James:

While I did not know the actual specific facts, I always
sensed the degree of uncertainty and the anomaly in your position,
and I never shared your apparent optimism as to the future. Hence,
your letter did not surprise me although it naturally grieved me.

Needless to say, I am unable to give you any advice because
you know a great deal about the various firms and also about the
"market" for engineers of your type. What South America can offer
you I naturally don't know. As to the U.S.A., my general impression
is that we are going down hill. True, the various power projects
which are in the course of development hold out a great deal of
promise for occupation, but how much compensation they might offer is
very uncertain. Moreover, these projects are still too much knitted
together with politics which make the situation worse. Russia, I
understand, is ready to pay a great deal for the work of expert
American engineers, but I know little more than that.

Will you please answer this letter at once and respond particu-
larly to the following two suggestions:

1. Tell me specifically what kind of work you would want to do here in the U.S.A. Don't give me your qualifications, but tell me what position you would want to occupy and in what kind of undertaking. Preferably give me the names of some of the firms you would want to work for here or in Mexico.

2. Since you apparently plan to come to New York to look things over, why can't you come right now when the weather is still good and when I am less busy than I shall be in a few weeks. If you find it advisable to come to New York to see what can be done, I would suggest that you do not burden yourself unnecessarily with a lot of small commissions and little things to do when you are in New York. Just come for the one purpose of investigating the question of job getting and concentrate on it.

Unfortunately, I am unable just now to be as "splurgy" as I
would wish to be, but I would gladly be of service to you to the
extent of a couple of hundred dollars in case you decide to come.

On the whole I agree with you that there is no reason for undue
alarm, but one should act directly and quickly. Watchful waiting
means at times careless losing.

Yours as ever,

September 15th, 1936.

Dear Gregory:

Thanks a lot for your letter of the 9th, which has
been in my hands for a couple of days now. I refrained
from answering at once, as developments have been occurring
daily regarding my situation and I wanted to see how far
these would go, in order to be in a better position to
judge and to plan. My department is rapidly being taken
over and, while my new chief seems to be extremely tactful
and gentle in this business of taking over the management
of my department and myself and while he appears to agree
on general principles with all my past policies and present
views, there is nevertheless no doubt left as to the basic
difference in our purposes. He views my job as that of
strictly a commercial proposition in which engineering plays
only a very secondary part which can well be taken care of by
the specific Engineering Dept. in our organization, while I
view my job as essentially that of engineering service, which
naturally results in commercial profits for the Company.
The whole method of working which I have been following for
years naturally tends to be opposite, and even if I were
inclined to do so, I doubt very much whether I could mentally
adapt myself to the mercantile viewpoint. In fact, all the
years of accumulated engineering experience would be thrown
over by such a radical change of attitude and would no
doubt be obliterated. For this I am not in the least ready.

What kind of work do I seek in the U.S.A.? Broadly -
engineering, involving the planning and operation of
power plants and power utilization apparatus. Specifically
it seems my chances are best either with an industry that
uses a large amount of heat and power apparatus or with a public
utility that produces power, preferably by steam. The large
majority of power stations near the industrial centers in
the States belong in the latter group. If I were to connect
with an industry, I could occupy, for example, the position of
Power Superintendent, in which the issues are mostly those
of economic production and, or, utilization of heat and power.
If I were to connect with a utility, I could take a
responsible position in what is variously called the Power
Sales, or Industrial Department, or Large Customers Service
Department or that part of the Engineering Department which
is engaged in the planning and operation of steam or diesel
plants.

I have had fairly broad experience in the above
and have been closely following latest developments. Among

-2-

the industries I have little acquaintance with persons and specific establishments, but it occurs to me that any of the many Du Pont industries have a lot to do with power and I could probably be useful to them. I happen to know distantly some people in the Corn Products Refining Company, who have most interesting and broad problems of power, and if an opportunity were available to get into that organization, I could probably enjoy it more than anything else. This is a very large organization, with a central industrial plant in the vicinity of Chicago and many branch plants in various parts of the world. They have one plant in one of the provincial towns in Mexico, but this is too small a unit for me to fit into. They have larger plants in South America, Europe (France, Germany and, I believe, also England) and in the Far East. Your friends, the Fields, probably know some of the top men in Chicago (they maintain a skeleton engineering organization in New York) and a couple of men there know me slightly. My engineering experience, coupled with my knowledge of several languages, might prove very useful to these people. While I could approach their New York organization personally, I am sure it would not be by far nearly as good as if I could obtain a strong recommendation to men of influence in their Chicago headquarters. There are probably other industries of a similar type in the States that I could fit into.

Among the utilities I have in mind, -the Philadelphia Electric Co., in Philadelphia, the large group of properties in the South headed by the Commonwealth and Southern Corporation, the Commonwealth Edison Company of Chicago, Ill, the former J. G. White Engineering Corp., of New York, who are now called, I believe, the Utilities Management Corps., and the Stone and Webster Co., of Boston. These several companies occur to me largely because, according to my knowledge, they are very active and alert, of the type I am interested in. They have been representatives in either or both of the two branches which at the present time hold out the best promise of great development. The first is that of power and steam interchange with adjacent industries and the second is that of rural electrification. None of these are political organizations and they seem to be managed by people who most clearly realize that the future development of the electric utilities must be along the two named lines. Heretofore the utilities in general fought shy of doing anything in either of these and the industries responded with a corresponding mistrust. Power engineers in the States have been developing a far greater appreciation of the need of such cooperation between utilities and industries and

-3-

have been able to make themselves heard in recent years to a
much greater extent that it was possible for them to do only
a few years ago. It seems to me that, regardless of the
political trends in the States, particularly as affecting
electric development, the named two branches of activity
will progress, unless the whole economic structure of the
country should break down completely, as in Russia or Spain,
which break-down I do not consider even remotely possible as
yet.

As to my coming to New York, I am extremely anxious
to do so and realize that the sooner I do it the better.
Unfortunately the present situation here in the Company is
too delicate for urgent action. I could readily enough
tell my principals that I must go to New York for family
or other personal reasons and I do not believe any one
would stop me. However, there is no doubt that they would
pick up their ears and would rapidly put two and two
together and guess as to why I want to go to New York just
now. And then I might have difficulties which I must try to
avoid. In other words, if I get them peeled or suspicious,
I might find a lot of doors mysteriously closed to me. What
I am trying to do is to have them send me to New York in
connection with the engineering job which I have done and
which I mentioned to you in my previous letter. Just yesterday,
when we had a conference in our President's office here on
this subject, he wrote to New York largely confirming my
recommendations to him. Although he did not mention in
his letter my suggestion that the job would be best taken
care of if I want to New York, it is quite possible that he
omitted it largely because he preferred to leave the initiative
in asking me to come up to our New York principals. In this
connection, I am trying to have Mr. Phillips, whom you know,
use some of his influence in my favour. In the next couple
of days I am leaving for a trip North, not far from El Paso,
Tex., and expect to be back in the City in ten or twelve
days. By then we should have a reply from New York and
know whether my trip there is wanted by the Company or not.
If the results are negative, I shall probably have to
force the issue and go for my own account. Once I manage
to get to New York, I can investigate the possibilities
of remaining in the organization either in the States or in
one of their foreign properties (Mexico excluded) and
also make such side trips to Philadelphia, Newark, Baltimore,
Chicago, or such other places as may be advisable.

Don't worry about my taking any commissions upon
myself. There will be none, And thanks a great deal for
your concern and help. Meanwhile I am investigating other
leads in Mexico and also Russia.

Best regards and love to Ray and the kiddies.

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M.D.
14 EAST SEVENTY-FIFTH STREET
NEW YORK CITY

SEPTEMBER 30, 1936.

DEAR JAMES,

I HAVE NATURALLY BEEN PREOCCUPIED WITH THE PROBLEMS WHICH YOU MIGHT BE CALLED UPON TO FACE IN VIEW OF THE REORGANIZATION OF YOUR DEPARTMENT. THAT NO PRACTICAL SUGGESTION OF ANY VALUE HAS BEEN BORNE IN UPON ME YET IS NOT ENTIRELY DUE TO MY LACK OF INTEREST OR THOUGHT. IT IS SOMETHING WITH WHICH I AM RATHER UNFAMILIAR AND IN ORDER TO GRASP THE TRUE SCOPE OF THE PROBLEM I WOULD HAVE TO SURVEY A VARIETY OF THINGS HERETOFORE FOREIGN TO ME. IN A GENERAL WAY, I MAY SAY THAT I AM INCLINED TO BE PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THE SITUATION IN THE UNITED STATES, I.E. SO FAR AS JOBS ARE CONCERNED. JOBS, GOOD JOBS WHICH WOULD PAY ENOUGH TO SUPPORT A FAMILY ON ONLY A MODEST SCALE, ARE AT PRESENT — BROADLY SPEAKING — DIVIDED INTO TWO CLASSES: GOVERNMENT AND PRIVATE. GOVERNMENT JOBS MIGHT BE QUITE INTERESTING BUT ON THE WHOLE THEY ARE UNCERTAIN BECAUSE THEY ARE TERRIBLY MIXED UP WITH POLITICS AND FACTIONAL RIVALRY, NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT THEY ARE NOT VERY REMUNERATIVE.

AS TO JOBS IN PRIVATE ENTERPRISES, THESE ARE ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO OBTAIN BECAUSE 1) THESE ENTERPRISES ARE RUN LIKE CLOSED CORPORATIONS — YOU MUST BE AN "INSIDER", PLAY THE SAME GAMES, BE IT GOLF OR COCKTAILS, VOTE REPUBLICAN IN 1936 AS YOUR FOREFATHERS DID IN THE 18 'SIXTIES AND AS YOUR GRAND-CHILDREN WILL BE EXPECTED TO DO IN THE 19 'SIXTIES, AND 2) THE GROWTH OF ANTI-SEMITISM, PARTICULARLY IN THE EAST AND IN THE SOUTH, HAS REACHED BARBARIC PROPORTIONS. THE OTHER DAY MY BARBER, DESCRIBING HOW NICE THE GRAND CONCOURSE, I.E. THE EIGHTH AVENUE, SUBWAY IS AS COMPARED WITH THE LEXINGTON AVENUE SUBWAY, TOLD ME THAT "THE CARS ARE CLEANER, COOLER AND NOT SO MANY JEWS RIDE IN IT." MY BARBER IS NOT CATHOLIC OR GERMAN, HE JUST REFLECTS THE SPIRIT AROUND HIM WHICH HE ABSORBS IMPERCEPTIBLY. THE OTHER DAY A YOUNG MAN, OF GOOD FAMILY AND EXCELLENT EDUCATION (GROTON AND HARVARD), WAS TALKING WITH HIS FIANCÉE AND SPEAKING FROM THE DEPTH OF HIS ENAMORED HEART HE SAID THAT HE WAS NOT JEALOUS OF HER PAST, THAT HE WAS GLAD SHE HAD FINALLY CHOSEN HIM AND THAT HE KNEW OF COURSE THAT SHE HAD BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE; THE ONLY THING, HE SAID, HE WOULD FIND IT ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE TO FORGIVE HER AND WHICH WOULD NECESSITATE A BREAK WOULD BE A FRIENDSHIP WITH A JEW. AND SO IT GOES, MY DEAR JAMES. WE LIVE IN A WORLD THAT LOST ITSELF AND HUMAN HATREDS RISE TO HELP IN THE JOB OF DESTRUCTION. THIS IS THE REASON WHY I AM WONDERING AT TIMES WHETHER SOUTH AMERICA SHOULD NOT ENGAGE SOME OF YOUR ATTENTION. I UNDERSTAND THAT THE ARGENTINE IS QUITE A PROMISING FIELD.

AT ANY RATE, I AM WRITING ALL THIS TO YOU MORE IN ORDER TO TELL YOU THAT I AM STILL PREOCCUPIED WITH THE PROBLEM THAN IN THE HOPE OF OFFERING A GOOD SOLUTION TO IT. BEST REGARDS TO ALL,

AS EVER,

AS I HAVE TOLD YOU, I THINK, I AM SAILING FOR RIO DE JANEIRO AND BUENOS AIRES ON NOVEMBER 14TH. RAY IS GOING WITH ME. WE EXPECT TO RETURN HOME VIA SANTIAGO DE CHILE, VALPARAISO AND LIMA. I NEED A REST AND I CAN NEVER TAKE ONE CLOSE AT HOME.

October 25th, 1936

Dear Gregory-

Only now, looking at the date of your last letter did I realize
that it is nearly a month since you wrote it. Meanwhile there was
nothing new to report. I have been doing my best to adjust myself
to the new office situation and have managed to get over my first
irritation, so that I can look and think with some measure of calm.
Only the very calm brings little encouragement. Even assuming that
for the immediate future there is no danger of my being kicked out,
provided I can "play ball" as a loyal subordinate, the general si-
tuation of the company is precarious, if not hopeless. The consistent
government policy here is such that the company cannot look for profits
in the near or even distant future. Therefore, all vi development
has been virtually stopped, and I see no hope of it ever being re-
sumed. That means the end of my section before long, and I have as
yet no reason to expect that I would be shifted by headquarters to
some other Latin-American country, unless I fought for it personally
in New York. This is one of my principal reasons for trying to
arrange the trip by tying it up to some company business there.

At last, this is now arranged after a fashion. Although the business
is of vital importance to the company, and my principals here know
that I am best equipped to take care of it, under one pretext or
another I was stalled. Finally I suggested that I might do it
while on my vacation, and this "took" at last. A letter was airmailed
yesterday to NY suggesting that my presence there might be very help-
ful. I am reasonably certain that this suggestion will be received
favorably in New York, so that I may decide to go before the first.

Whether I go or not will, however, depend upon several factors.
In the first place, I would like to spend at least several days with
you before you go. Will you have any time to spare? Then there is
question of expenses. I must reduce these to a minimum. Even if
the company would agree to reimburse me in part, the burden of expense
will be substantial. I cannot afford to insist upon the company
paying my expenses in full, because my very success in talking them
into it (highly improbable) may prove embarrassing. I must retain
my status of independence in NY, in case there is an opportunity to
establish satisfactory new connections.

This time I am very anxious to take Eugenia along. The additional
travelling expense will not be negligible, but her presence there
would be valuable. After all, our common destinies will
be at stake in any decision that may have to be taken. Hotel ex-
penses for two for several weeks may be a heavier burden than I care
to face just now, and I do not care to load you with it - you have
spent too much on me already. However, it occurred to me that as
long as your children stay home while you are away, Ray might feel
more at ease with us about. Please answer this direct question in
just as blunt a manner as I am placing it before you. Our children
would, of course, remain in Mexico. We can arrange for some reliable

October 30th, 1936

Dear Gregory:

Your cable came last night and created a great deal
of excitement in the house. Am hastening to airmail
to you attached the information you asked for. If
I knew the kind of industry you have in mind, I might
have been able to write up my curriculum vitae in
a different form that would perhaps meet the situation
better. Let us hope that the laconic statement will
suffice for the present. More information can be
supplied when I come to New York, which I hope will
be by plane before the 7th. Shall telegraph you
definitely in a day or two.

My sincerest thanks for your warm interest in my
destinies. I appreciate it a lot.

As to Buenos Aires, I know nothing about it, but
imagine that I could be very happy there - assuming,
of course, that the connection would be with a stable
industry and that the salary would be satisfactory.

My best to the family.

James M. Zilboorg - born in Kiev, Russia, Sept. 3, 1922

Attended secondary school in Kiev, graduated with gold medal in 1912. Immediately entered Institut Electro-Technique de Grenoble (France), where remained until 1913. December of same year emigrated to USA and naturalized as citizen in 1921.

1913 - 1917 continued studies of engineering at night while working as technical translator and later as practitioner in various factories of the heavy metal industry.

1917 - 1921 full time post-graduate student at Columbia University, while continuing summer practice in industries. Graduated with degree of Mechanical Engineer.

1921 - 1922 shop and field work on assembly and installation of steam turbo-generators and other large electrical apparatus for Westinghouse Company in Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and New York.

1922 - 1927 manager Monterrey (Mexico) branch of Westinghouse Company.

1927 - 1929 special engineer of Westinghouse Company in Mexico City, mainly attending large industries.

1929 - head of power sales department for group of electrical utilities in Mexico, subsidiaries of Electric Bond & Share Co. (New York).

Considerable experience in power application and utilization in various industries - textile, paper, mining, soap, cement, etc.

Fluent command of English, Russian, French and Spanish and some German.

Address for mail - Prado Norte 145
Lomas de Chapultepec
Mexico, D. F., Mexico

30.X.36

James W. Zilboorg - born in Kiev, Russia, Sept. 3, 1892

Attended secondary school in Kiev, graduated with gold medal in 1912. Immediately entered Institut electro-Technique de Grenoble (France), where remained until 1913. December of same year emigrated to USA and naturalized as citizen in 1921.

1921 - 1922 stop and field work on assembly and installation of steam turbo-generators and other large electrical apparatus for Westinghouse Company in Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and New York.

1929 - head of power sales department for group of electrical utilities in Mexico, subsidiaries of Electrica and A Share Co. (New York).

30.X.36

ONE CENT CINEMAS, N.Y.
10 EAST SEVENTY-FIFTH STREET
NEW YORK CITY

October 28, 1936.

Dear James:

I just finished talking with you over the telephone and listened to write to you in order to finish our conversation. I hung up the receiver with a sense of disappointment which I don't want to conceal from you. My disappointment is due to the fact that you lost quite a bit of time (two months, according to your statement) "working" somebody in order to have New York any (perhaps!) that you may be of some service if you "happen" to be in New York. In other words, you spent two solid months of energy, worry, nervous tension, etc., fighting for a chance to have the Company contribute a couple of hundred dollars (if not less) towards your trip. In the meantime weeks have passed and you are still on edge and when I telephoned to you, you still didn't know where you are at. This type of economy is obviously quite expensive; it is a form of being penny-size and pound-feesh. Please do forgive this "outburst", but I am somewhat unnerved by the fact that despite the fact that you have known for a long time that I was to sail on November 14th, you failed to state your case frankly and bluntly until the very last moment. Hence, if it were possible for me through personal contact with you to understand a bit better your situation, and thus be perhaps of some real service to you, I am deprived of this opportunity by your coming only a couple of days before my sailing date. I have a number of engagements of long standing -- scientific, not social -- and hence will have little chance to see you. It is better, of course, to see you a little than not at all, but it is disappointing and makes one quite and because I believe engineers should be more efficient with their time. At any rate, it would be a thousand times better if you see your way to tell me how much your New York Company would have contributed to your fare and come to New York forthwith without their God-damned contribution.

Today is the 26th of October and between now and November 14th I shall be busy every day and every evening and every night -- yet it will be more possible for me to steal a part of the night and talk with you if you come at once; if you come two or three days before I sail it will be well-nigh impossible for me even to say hello.

Best regards to all.

RECEIVED

ENE 9 1937

January 4, 1937.

Dear James:

I sent your check today to the State National
Bank at El Paso, Texas and mailed your letter to the
Metropolitan Life Insurance Co.

Gregory has been rushing every minute since he
got back and besides a close colleague and friend --
Dr. Feigenbaum -- died the day before yesterday.
Therefore, no word from him. However, I gave him
the circular acknowledgment and he will probably do
something about it soon.

Naturally, I have been rushed too but I simply
had to get away for a few days and went to the country
over New Years. It rained, however, two out of the
three days I was there -- my luck.

As ever,

P.S.

I forgot to say the most important thing -- that
Gregory and Ray had a wonderful trip and enjoyed it
immensely -- but I think I will let him write you about
it when he gets a minute.

BUTTERFIELD
8-8181

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M. D.
14 EAST SEVENTY-FIFTH STREET
NEW YORK CITY

BUTTERFIELD
B-0044

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M. D.

JANUARY 5, 1937.

DEAR JAMES:

HERE I AM BACK. IN WORK HEAD OVER HEELS AND IN ADDITION DISTRESSED
OVER THE FACT THAT SO MANY OF MY COLLEAGUES ARE STRICKEN WITH INFLU-
enza; ONE OF THEM DIED THREE DAYS AGO. I SHALL WRITE YOU VERY SHORTLY
AGAIN. IN THE MEANTIME COULD YOU GET SOME INFORMATION FOR ME?

I NEED AN ELECTRIC TIMER - WHICH COULD BE SET FOR A FEW SECONDS
OR MINUTES UP TO 60 OR SO, AND THEN GIVE SOME SIGNAL WHEN TIME IS UP.
I SHOULD ALSO BE ABLE TO RESET SUCH A CLOCK _REMOTELY_ INSTEAD OF CLIMB-
ING ON THE WALL TO DO IT. WILL YOU LET ME KNOW.

BEST REGARDS TO ALL,

1-18-37

Ausw'd

June 23rd, 1937.

Dear Gregory:

Your letter of the 14th was received just a day
after I wrote to you and I see that we seemed to be thinking
of the same thing simultaneously. Shall, of course, pay
Misrahi the 900 pesos of his bill and am quite thankful
to you for the supply of the dollar equivalent. This will
be quite a saving to me.

As to Mother, the situation was explained in my
previous letter. It is indeed unfortunate that they wrote
to you for money. There I was, suggesting that you send
her something, believing that this time they would not be
begging. So I missed again. Really in this case I do not
believe the heavily painted grandchild is a factor in the
case. Mother will need about 100 dollars to pay the doctor
and also have a few days at a lower altitude, which seems
to be indicated for her case. I shall give her this money
by or about the 1st. of next month and you can add that
amount to the July allowance for her.

While writing you, I want to mention the Carrier
Corporation of Newark, N.J., with whom perhaps Mr. Stern
or some other of your influential friends may have good
relations. This outfit is doing a large business in the
foreign field and occupies a leading position both in the
engineering and the business of air-conditioning and
refrigeration. To work with them may be quite interesting
and I am confident of my ability to make a good showing.
A certain James A. Bentley is executive V-P of the
International Division, but I do not know him personally.
The Carrier have an office in Mexico City. I know the
manager quite well, but as my position is perhaps in a way
ahead of his own, I cannot very well afford to approach him
regarding any possibilities of employment with his
principals.

A certain Dr. Shatsky called on me the other day
and tried to obtain a contribution for the Vilna Scientific
Institute. He stated he was a colleague of yours and
described the Institute's activities as of a very high
order, but from what I could make out, their objectives
are centered around the propagation of Judaism. I told
Dr. Shatsky that, while I appreciated the noble purposes,
I could not give them my sympathy and, furthermore, have
no money for charities. He looked very peeved and certainly
true to type. Do you know anything about him?

Lydia is much improved, but now Olga went down
with high fever for some unknown reason, and Eugenia seems
to be breaking under the strain. I continue as usual.

Best regards

JUNE 23, 1937

DEAR JAMES,

IT WAS DISCONCERTING TO READ YOUR LETTER. IT IS EASY TO UNDERSTAND WHY YOU FEEL SO TENSE WITH THE MANY THINGS WHICH COMBINED TO BURDEN YOU. HOW ARE THE CHILDREN NOW? IS THE QUARANTINE OVER? I WONDER WHETHER YOU REALIZE THAT WHEN A MAN FINDS HIMSELF OVERLOADED WITH RESPONSIBILITIES, THE LATTER, AT LEAST IN PART, ARE OF MAN'S OWN CREATION AND ARE NOT ALWAYS INEVITABLE, OR NECESSARY? TUTORIZING YOUR OWN CHILDREN IS BOTH FOOLISH AND INEFFICIENT. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DO IT. THE IMPRESSION I HAVE IS THAT YOU OVERESTIMATE THE VALUE OF FORMAL EDUCATION TO SUCH A TERRIFIC EXTENT THAT YOU FORCE IT ON THE CHILDREN, AND FORCE IT WITH A RATHER UNPRODUCTIVE PRESSURE. I DON'T FEEL IN SYMPATHY WITH SUCH AN ATTITUDE FOR IT IS WEARING ON YOU AND ON THE CHILDREN, CREATES UNNECESSARY PSYCHOLOGICAL DEPENDENCE ON YOU, BUT DOES NOT HELP TO AWAKEN THAT CURIOSITY WHICH IS THE ONLY MOTIVE POWER OF EDUCATION AND CULTURE.

YOUR Fears OF A "NERVOUS BREAKDOWN" WILL PERHAPs BE ALLAYED IF YOU LEARN THAT SUCH A CONDITION EXISTS ONLY IN THE MIND OF THE LAYMAN.
PSYCHOLOGICAL SCIENCE DOES NOT USE THESE WORDS AND DOES NOT KNOW OF THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH A CONDITION. IT IS A LAYMAN'S ABSTRACTION COVERING A MULTITUDE OF SINS. THE INSTANCE YOU CITE IS MERELY AN ILLUSTRATION OF HOW INTENSELY YOU WORK ON THE BUSINESS OF KILLING YOURSELF AND NO WONDER YOU FEEL, WHETHER YOU ADMIT IT OR NOT, AT TIMES THE NEED OF EITHER A GOOD CRY OR A GOOD DRINK. YOUR LIFE IS CROWDED WITH A MILLION DUTIES. AT TIMES I WONDER WHETHER YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE THEM, AND NOT BECAUSE YOUR DUTY DEMANDS, ETC.

THE NORMAL, THE CASUAL, THE ORDINARY, THE ROUTINE THINGS ARE ELEVATED BY ALL OF YOU, ALWAYS SO, TO THE LEVEL OF AN IMPORTANT DUTY - BE IT GOING TO A COCKTAIL PARTY, OR DUSTING THE FLOOR UNDER THE BED. I DON'T THINK IT IS RIGHT FOR YOUR HOME TELEPHONE TO WORK OVERTIME, RINGING YOUR OFFICE BEFORE YOU REACH THERE; WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR HOME TO GO TO WORK, YOU ACTUALLY DON'T LEAVE IT; IT RINGS UP, POPS UP AND SITS DOWN ON THE TOP OF YOUR DESK AND BUZZES IN YOUR EARS THE WHOLE DAY IN ADDITION TO YOUR WORK. YOU WANT AN EIGHT CYLINDER MOTOR TO GO ON 24 HOURS A DAY AND DO ALL THE JOBS: DRIVE THE CAR, WORK THE LATHE, LIFE THE PLANE, WORK THE PUMP AND DO THE VACUUM CLEANING. IT IS NOT DONE, IT CANNOT BE DONE. YOU FOOL YOURSELF BY BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE DOING ALL THAT, BUT YOU DON'T, YOU ARE JUST MESSING YOURSELF UP INSIDE AND OUTSIDE. IF YOUR CHILDREN WERE PERMITTED TO BE, OR TO REMAIN DUMB IN ALGEBRA, DULL IN LITERATURE, DISTRACTED IN HISTORY, ETC. THEY WILL PROBABLY FARE NOT SO BADLY IN ANY OF THESE SUBJECTS ANYHOW, AND YOU WILL HAVE A FEW MOMENTS TO YOURSELF, TO WALK OUT, SIT UNDER A TREE, LIGHT A CIGARETTE AND GET LOST IN WONDERING WHAT WOULD HAPPEN, OR WOULD HAVE HAPPENED, IF HITLER WERE THE DUKE OF WINDSOR AND IF THE DUKE OF WINDSOR WERE STALIN. YOU WILL GET NOWHERE THIS WAY, BUT THIS REVERIE WILL RELAX YOU AND YOU WILL FEEL BETTER.

September 5th, 1937

Dear Gregory - your letter before me is only two and a half months old!

And it is probably fair to say that it just about took me that long to regain composure, at least some of it. Now that the house feels so terribly empty without Natalie - particularly with the realization that many months will go by before we see her again - now, I should at least have time for such reveries as you suggested. Time alone is not enough, of course, but it is at least one of the essential elements. The other helpful factors were in the summer interval a few interesting visitors to Mexico. They were a stimulating influence.

Of work

Of work I have been having just as much as ever, and the prospects are that it will go on increasing. Thanks heavens, it is not so much office work - that is, not for the company. This work in the office is staler than ever and I see no hope of it becoming more active and interesting. Conditions in Mexico are anything but bright for the utilities. My principal work has lately consisted in making a go of the little manufacturing plant I have been interested in for a couple of years. That factory never produced any profits yet. And the quality of its products has been such that it is a marvel it continued in existence at all. The backers have money enough not to worry about small profits more or less and have a foolish faith in the factory and my ability to get it on even keel.

Not having heard from you or Stern or the various other leads I tried in the U.S., I discouraged in my former hopes of finding a firmer footing outside of Mexico. Without a better alternative, I decided to make the best of what was at hand and plunged into the factory. Most of the problems there are in a field of experience entirely foreign to me, but it is all tremendously interesting and instructive, altho' immensely difficult because of lack of competent advice, literature etc. Am compelled to work out my problems largely by the trial and error method, both on paper and in the shop. This takes every available minute of my time, none is left for any other attentions or diversions. I have not seen a substantial book for months, rather have not looked into one. And now, only after four months of such grinding strain, am beginning to see some hopes of building up a little industry, ever so small as it might be. If we are really lucky, within another six months may be some net income will begin to flow. It could never be much, but even a little will help.

It amuses me to read your remarks about my foolishly attempting to "hit on all eight" 24 hours a day, doing a varied assortment of jobs simultaneously. Of course I know that you are right and that this cannot be done - - normally. But, my dear man, some jobs simply cannot be dropped, in the first place. And thet too, when the choice is almost literally between sinking and swimming, you swim like hell. In my case perhaps the condition is not quite as critical - - yet. But the ground is slipping none the less. My amusement arises

principally from a comparison with your activity. What are you doing, if not attempting to cover work of a dozen men at once? Arn't you trying to be a doctor, scholar, writer, farmer and photo artist to boot? And doing a damn good job of all this! The wear and tear on you is terrific - and, of course, not at all surprising, but you are carrying the burden, Arn't you? Why? Simply because you still can do so without breaking down. So why should I be so charitable and gentle with myself? Why should I spare my limited forces?

No, brother, I see the problem in a different light. To return to the homely technical parable, I only see the need of a better adjustment of parts, a little better lubrication perhaps, but in any event tighter self-control and better coordination. Native and trained intelligence must somehow accomplish this, must not permit "nerves" to obtain control of the rudder. And occasional slipping cannot be used as an argument for relaxing into a routing existence.

This must sound trite to you, I suppose, and perhaps even foolishly jumbled. As a specialist, you should not find it so difficult to unjumble my feelings. Only please do not think that I am spending myself principally on small duties, such as the supervision of the children's grades in arithmetic. Of course, when the plumbing goes "hay-wire", or the sewing machine controller ceases to operate, or similar elements in the necessities of living fail to function, no one else in the house can do the necessary, except yours truly. Handymen are available, of course. But it takes time even to find these, and then they are usually dumb, incompetent and at all times expensive. So on all these accounts one is compeled to fight shy of help whenever it is possible to avoid it. And this, too, leaves little or no time for reveries.

May be there will be occasion for relaxation later. I first have to get the factory going, then I have to recover a little from the unaccustomed strain of keeping a daughter at school 3000 miles away from home. If nothing goes seriously wrong meanwhile, then perhaps next spring I can drive over (how simple on paper!) to pay you a visit at Pound Ridge. Then I could just roll on the grass for several hours at a time and contemplate lazily the beauty of the tree tops and the blue patches of sky between them. Now that I come to think of it, I have not done any such lazy contemplating for the trifling space of some 18 years. A long time, isn't it? All my returns to the States since I left for Mexico have only been visits to factories, offices, huge cities. Even now, when I was hesitatingly considering driving over with Natalie and Eugenia to New York, it was largely with a view of having Eugenia receive badly needed medical attention, and myself visiting and consulting with more engineers and factories whose advice I badly need.

Our sister here is ill again, but I shall not burden you with details thereof. More or less the customary condition. The old man is getting on in years and, really, I think he is becoming softer and ever wiser. He is pretty much alone in his surroundings of wailing women. He is quite anxious to make a trip to U.S. I suppose he wants not only to visit a little with his many relatives in NY and

elsewhere, but also to take a look at a different and larger world.
The problem of such a trip is not only that of money, but of the several
practical details of arranging documents, travelling alone and where
to stay. Have you any suggestions to offer?

Before closing this long recital of rambling thoughts,
shall say a few words about the house we live in. With the tourist
season over and the big daughter away, it's become quite empty - sort
of grown larger. For this reason, besides others, we should move out
into smaller quarters. Only comfortable small houses are difficult
to find and the difference in rent is not startling. The other day I
was looking at a house in the neighborhood - a bit small even for our
reduced family and no facilities at all for receiving and occasional
visitor. One of the chief attractions to me, when I rented the house
we live in, was the fact that I expected you, Ray and the kids to be
coming to visit us. And we also enjoyed immensely having Pauline
stay with us for a while. What are the possibilities of your coming
again to Mexico? We were wondering here whether Dr Gosselein's return
to NY by plane could not contribute towards your greater readiness
to come again. If we could count on that, I would not mind too much
the size of the house, particularly since we just completed a series
of repairs to it and I fixed my study quite nicely. Now I have both
privacy and convenience for work. Since you have become a party to
this house business, I would be glad to have your frank opinion and
suggestions.

And now to finish. Tomorrow I am leaving for about
a week on business, and there is a lot of work to be done yet. Perhaps
a bit late to start at midnight, but this is nothing new to you.

And so, until another time. I hope Natalie was not
much of a bother to you and Ray. By this time this letter reaches
you, Natalie should be at school. Once there, she should not be in
your way. She will have plenty to do at Oakwood, as her program will
be arranged rather heavily and to a large extent along the lines of
your own thinking - preparation for gaining a livelihood, not polished
manners. It seems that Oakwood is quite a good school for such plans.
Its location in Poughkeepsie is, of course, a simple accident, as far
as we are concerned. I hope you will not mind my saying that in settling
on Oakwood we did not count on the proximity of Pound Ridge, it just
happened that way. However, we are glad of it. On the rare occasions
when a visit will be convenient for you and for Natalie, I am sure she
will be delighted to see you all any time you will wish to see her.

Best regards and love to all

October 25, 1937

Dear James:

Your letter reached me this morning. It proved a melanocholy reminder that I did not answer your letter of some months ago. The summer passed by rather swiftly - I took no holiday - and now autumn, with its concomitant increase of activity, is here. There is always a great deal of work, and there is always very little time.

No, the crash on the stock market did not affect me, because I own no stocks and in general am not a part of the system. There are many other depressive features in our lives beside the stock market.

Natalie I understand is well settled and enjoys her school. Ray is in frequent touch with her, of course. I am sorry to hear that you are so preoccupied with her absence; I don't suppose you could enjoy it - no one would - but it is a pity that you appear to take it so hard. After all, time flies and people are getting older without underscoring the process by means of landmarks of daily events.

I am contemplating (in a rather nebulous way) taking a holiday some time in January. My thoughts turn towards Mexico. I should like to visit Oaxaca and Tuantepec. If I decide to go, I will leave New York very early in January. But, as I said, I am not certain what I am going to do.

Natalie will soon have a week-end or two free, and she will come to New York.

As to my family - everything goes well with everybody - there is nothing unusual to report.

Well, good bye, old man. Somehow I don't find myself in an epistolary mood nowadays. Regards to all.

BUTTERFIELD
B-0044

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M. D.

January 17

1938

Dear James:

You did not hear from me because I did not have any leisure to sit down and to write you the way I want to. It is easy enough to put down a few words, or dictate a few lines, but this is rather unsatisfactory. There are many things I would like to discuss with you which a cursory correspondence usually leaves unsaid. I should like to know how you are, whether you got settled in your new place and to what extent you are, or are not, satisfied. Too, I remember you wrote me some time ago that you were planning to come to New York this summer, which I think unwise in many respects. For a while it seemed possible that I might pay another visit to Mexico, but I was detained here.

Do you by chance happen to be on business in lower California? I expect to be in Los Angeles between the first and fifth of June, and in San Francisco between the sixth and the tenth - the meeting of the American Psychiatric Association. We might have a brief visit then.

Natalie, as you know, spent the Christmas holidays with us, and she plans to be here at Easter time.

My best regards to you all.

As always,

BUTTERFIELD
B-0044

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M. D.

March 4, 1938.

Dear James:

I was on the point of writing to you when Pauline told me that she heard that your trip to New York is off. I am very sorry to hear about it because in my busy and rather preoccupied way I looked forward to seeing you soon. I hope the cancelling of your trip is not irrevocable.

Mine has been a busy and complex life in the past year and so. My fleeting visit to Mexico last April was too fleeting in many respects. I have been working a great deal and writing a great deal. However, for the past three months (for the first time in my life) I have not been feeling well physically and am unable to shake the trouble off. Since last Christmas my temperature stayed 97° F. which is unhealthily subnormal and while a doctor-colleague of mine and I seem to have certain ideas about the nature of the condition, I am afraid it cannot be remedied; it will either pass or get worse. Naturally this does not add much to the gayety of nations. As to the nations in the literary sense of the word, they contribute even less to the gayety of things. So all in all, there is not much to say about the psychological weather; it is violent at times, at times rainy and slush, but seldom if ever warm and sunny.

Again, I want to tell you how sorry I am you are not coming to New York and I do hope that you will find it possible to change your mind. There is little hope for my coming to Mexico: I must attend the meeting of

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the American Psychiatric Association in San Francisco;
I might have to go to Paris for the International
Psychoanalytic Congress and a little later to the
International Congress for the History of Medicine.
I am not certain I will be able to do it all.

We hear from Natalie regularly and she will soon
be here for her Easter holidays.

Good luck to you and let me hear from you very
soon.

As ever,

3-6-38

Pauline dear,

I have an important and confidential question to ask of you, in your capacity of financial secretary to my brother and dear friend of ours.

Has Gregory changed his mind about splitting with me my house rent, or has he simply overlooked it?

The importance to me of the answer to this question should be obvious to you, since you know how closely I have to budget my income. The confidential part comes in thru my continued embarrassment in having to depend upon this participation. My brother once called this embarrassment "petty bourgeois mentality", so I let myself be convinced by his arguments, so amply confirmed by you.

All the same, when I was compelled to change houses again hurriedly (the third time under identical circumstances!), I first wrote to Gregory about my predicament. Not having received any answer and failing in my best efforts to locate more modestly, I finally decided to overcome my reluctance ("p.b.m.") and again took a house at a rental above my permissible limits. This time it is only some 35 dollars in excess, instead of the 50 that the other house was, but even that is a most important item in close budgeting. And close budgeting is quite imperative these days in our great tourist paradise.

As a matter of fact, some pessimistic souls (about 99.94 % of those having the bad habit of thinking) feel that very shortly this fair republic will become such a paradise for visitors that we "permanents" won't be able to buy simple necessities

with our depreciated pesos. Some even dare to
fear worse consequences than a mere couple of pesos
for a kilo of potatoes. All of which points to the
morbidity of developing budgetting to a real fine
art. Admitting with all due immodesty that I am
pretty good at it - what with three children at
school and rising costs of living -, a 50% unbalance
on rent is a bit disconcerting.

I wrote to Gregory a few weeks ago that the former
advance was used up. The reply was silence. Not
being good at interpretations, I want you to be
my oracle. Please do not act as messenger, tho.
If Gregory changed his attitude on "p b m" or has
any other good reasons for discontinuing a past
practice, his frank and timely advice would have
only been helpful. This why it is neither pleasant
nor convenient.

Do you mind the bother? Even if you don't, please
forgive me, but answer soon if you can.

My hopes of a few weeks ago of visiting New York
with Eugenia have all but evaporated in thin air.
Today conditions look more discouraging here than
they have been in twenty years. At times one is
inclined to feel as if on the eve of an impending
doom. Of course, the situation is quite compli-
cated. It may well be that both the fears of the
investor class and the hopes of the professional
revolutionaries are exaggerated. The predicament
of those of us in the middle can hardly be exagge-
rated. The wise Dr Lin Yutang recommends that we
keep smiling, but I wonder whether he, too, is not
whistling in the dark.

Yours, for an awakening from the Russian nightmares

March 31st, 1938

Dear Gregory!

Just so that you may have some notion on what our present situation here is, I thought that I would write you briefly to state that we are apparently still as safe as ever in a personal way. Only the atmosphere continues extremely unhealthy and, in fact, is becoming more so daily. The diplomats seem to be talking sternly to each other and, of course, extreme secrecy prevails, which in turn contributes greatly to the manufacture of the wildest possible rumours every hour. The exchange has tumbled to 5:1 and no one knows how much further down it may go. There is no prospect in sight of any return of the peso to a stronger situation.

For quite obvious reasons I cannot discuss too many details with you in a letter, but you can well appreciate that a crash of currency is an ill omen anywhere and especially so in a country like Mexico, which is so vulnerable economically. Too many things can be done to it and with it by forces outside of the country. And such conditions inevitably force the country to measures which make it anything but healthy for foreign corporations and their staff. In the last 10 days there has been a heavy exodus of English and American families, principally related to the oil companies. Only this morning the United States Steel seems to have started to disband its organization here. The next vulnerable centers of importance are the American Smelting & Refining Co. and the electric utilities, which means us. Which of the two crashes first no one can guess, any more than any one can foretell what, if anything, can avoid a crash.

These last 10 days have probably been the most anxious that I have had to spend in many years. Now that I got home without difficulties and started again on a more or less regular routine, the anxiety is perhaps not as strong. Perhaps it is only subdued. While I was away travelling, things may have looked to me more horrible than they really were. All of which is perhaps due in a large measure to my inexperience with crashes of any magnitude. You have been through worse situations than this and may view matters with greater poise. Well, as long as mail still circulates with regularity, let us keep in contact with each other and wait. This is about all we can do anyway.

Best regards to everybody

April 4, 1938

Dear James:

Thank you for keeping me au courant. The events in Mexico are interesting and important, of course. It is these events that I had in mind a couple of years ago when I found myself reluctant to consider acquiring a house for you. Needless to say I don't under-estimate at all the possible consequences to your personal economic security - but I don't share with you your pessimism. Things never move that fast - our anxieties, once released, always run ahead of actual events. From a general point of view I think Mexico is right; she is doing the right thing and in the long run she will derive a great deal of benefit from her policies in regard to international capitalism. Our "civilized" countries always liked to treat "backward" countries as if they had an irrevocable diploma for economic wisdom and superiority. The sooner this diploma is taken away from them, the better for everybody. We, the privileged (through no particular merit of our own) may become poorer and less secure and "cucky". - Well I am not so sure that we don't deserve it, and that it is not better for us in the long run.

As to yourself, do you think you could, or would, work in some way for some branch of the Mexican Government? A number of experienced and well assimilated Americans could, and do work, as advisors, etc. don't they? Carlos Chavez - Frank Tannenbaum could help out. Let me know.

As always,

Mr. James M. Zilboerg,
Apartado 8bis,
Mexico. D.F.

J. M. Zilboorg
Apartado #8 Bis.,
Mexico City, Mexico

April 9th, 1938

Dr. Gregory Zilboorg,
14 East 75th Street,
New York City, N.Y.

Dear Gregory!

This will introduce to you Mr. Pedro Galván, a young actor now living in New York. He is very anxious to meet you and if you can spare a few minutes for him I would indeed appreciate it. Pedro's family lives in Mexico and we know them quite well and think very highly of them.

With very best regards

GREGORY ZILBOORO, M. D.
14 EAST SEVENTY-FIFTH STREET
NEW YORK CITY

APRIL 15, 1938.

DEAR JAMES:

FROM VARIOUS REMARKS YOU MADE IN VARIOUS LETTERS AND FROM VARIOUS OTHER THINGS I HEAR, YOU MUST BE, I JUDGE, IN A VERY GLOOMY STATE OF MIND. I SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN YOU BEFORE BUT I WAS ILL FOR A BRIEF TIME AND WAS UNABLE TO RETURN TO MY REGULAR LIFE TILL TODAY. I AM CONCERNED BY YOUR GLOOM AND SENSE OF PANIC AND I HOPE YOU DON'T TAKE IT AMISS IF I TELL YOU WHAT I HAVE ON MY MIND.

YOUR PANICKY STATE IS INTELLIGIBLE ONLY IN SO FAR AS YOUR SENSE OF FINANCIAL SECURITY IS SHAKEN. YOU REACT TO THE WHOLE MATTER AS IF IT IS A MOST UNEXPECTED AND DEADLY BLOW. YOU ARE MISTAKEN. SOME FEW YEARS AGO WHEN I REVISITED MEXICO AND WE DRIFTED INTO A DISCUSSION OF YOUR SITUATION I WAS STRUCK BY YOUR UNIQUE BLINDNESS. I REMEMBER I DISCUSSED THE MATTER WITH MISS TURKEL AFTER I CAME BACK TO NEW YORK AND I TOLD HER HOW IMPRESSED I WAS WITH YOUR SINGULAR ABERRATION AND HOW I WAS AFRAID 1) THAT YOU MIGHT LOSE YOUR JOB ANYHOW, AND 2) THE MEXICAN SITUATION MIGHT DEPRIVE YOU OF THE OPPORTUNITY OF HAVING A JOB.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I AM NOT UNDERESTIMATING YOUR POSITION AT ALL AND I FIND IT NATURALLY DISCONCERTING — YET, I AM SURE, THAT IF YOU COULD REGAIN A SENSE OF PERSPECTIVE YOU WOULD FEEL DIFFERENTLY. ACCORDING TO MY PRETTY DIRECT INFORMATION, THERE IS HARDLY ANY CHANCE WHATSOEVER FOR THE LIGHT AND POWER INDUSTRY TO BE EXPROPRIATED; THERE IS HARDLY A CHANCE FOR WHAT YOU ALL TERM A REVOLUTION, A DÉBACLE, A DISINTEGRATION OF MEXICAN ECONOMY, ETC.

IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU FOREIGNERS FROM NORTH OF THE RIO GRANDE WENT INTO MEXICO, GOT SETTLED RATHER COMFORTABLY IN A SPIRIT OF SUPERIOR COLONIZERS, NICE, GOOD, VEROSE, NON-SHOOTING BUT BRAGGING CONQUISTADORES WHO KNOW HOW TO HANDLE TURBINES AND DRILLS AND SCREW DRIVERS AND THEREFORE FELT SUPERIOR AND MORE DESERVING. YOUR STANDARD OF LIVING WAS HIGHER THAN THAT OF YOUR NATIVE MEXICAN COLLEAGUES, OR, FOR THAT MATTER, THAN THAT OF YOUR COLLEAGUES WHO HAD TO STAY IN THE U.S.A. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU WERE ALL A PRIVILEGED CLASS IN AN UNPRIVILEGED COUNTRY — A COUNTRY THAT CLUMSILY AND WITH PRIMITIVE ARDOR AS WELL AS PRIMITIVE UNCOUTHNESS TRIES TO RISE AGAINST ALL OF YOU FELLOWS WHO WORK THEM IN PESOS IN ORDER TO LIVE YOURSELVES ON A DOLLAR STANDARD. DON PORFIRIO WAS A RASCAL — HE STOLE THE PEOPLE'S MONEY AND SOLD THE COUNTRY WHOLESALE AND RETAIL; YOU FELLOWS FROM NORTH OF THE RIO GRANDE DO IT ALL SO DIFFERENTLY, SO WELL, SO BUSINESS-LIKE, WITH "A PURPOSE AND A MISSION". YOU DON'T WANT TO BECOME A PART OF THE COUNTRY; YOU PREFER TO REMAIN CITIZENS OF THE INVADING COUNTRY; YOU KEEP TO YOUR OWN CLUBS, YOUR OWN GOLF HABITS, YOUR OWN AMERICAN MADE SOCKS AND SHOES — IN SHORT, YOU REMAIN INVADERS, EXPLOITERS, SMART GUYS OF THE MACHINE MAMMOTH. VERY WELL THEN — STOP BEING PANICKY, STOP SHOUTING REVOLUTION. YOU WHO YOURSELF WERE TAUGHT TO BE A REVOLUTIONIST ALMOST FROM YOUR CRADLE, STOP SHOUTING DÉBACLE AND DISINTEGRATION, THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END, ETC. TAKE IT ON THE CHIN. IF YOU ENJOY THE SIN DON'T WHINE ABOUT THE PUNISHMENT. JUST TAKE IT. YOU HAD YOUR DAY. IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR WORK, YOUR "PURPOSE", YOUR "MISSION" — OFFER YOUR SERVICES TO THE LAND THAT FED YOU FOR ALMOST FIFTEEN YEARS, WORK FOR IT AND LIVE IN IT. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN YOUR "PURPOSE", IF YOU WERE JUST WILLING TO ENJOY THE BENEFITS OF A SYSTEM UNDER WHICH A FOREIGN CAPITALISTIC

-2-

PASSPORT OFFERED YOU AN UNDESERVED PROTECTION — THEN PACK UP AND WALK IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO RIDE BACK HOME AND LIVE AS BEST YOU CAN: YOU MAY HAVE TO SWEEP STREETS OR BUILD TURBINES — YOU WILL SEE. TAKE IT ON THE CHIN. YOU HAD YOUR DAY. THERE IS NO REASON OR OCCASION FOR SHOUTING HELAS REVOLUTION! HELAS DÉBÂCLE! IT WAS COMING; IT HAD TO COME. YOUR PURELY PERSONAL SECURITY IS THE LEAST IMPORTANT THING IN THE UNIVERSE, DEAR SIR, AS IS MINE. THE VERY LEAST. IS IT NOT FOOLISH FOR YOU TO BE IN SUCH A STEW AND FEEL THAT THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END NOW WHEN CARDENOS TOOK THE ONLY STEP HE COULD AND SHOULD HAVE TAKEN. HAS IT NOT BEEN COMING TO A SURE END THROUGH THE LAST FEW YEARS OF HITLER AND FRANCO. THE WORLD IS DISINTEGRATING, JAMES, BUT YOU DID NOT NOTICE IT UNTIL THE PESO BEGAN TO FALL AND IT IS TRULY FUNNY THAT THE FALL OF THE PESO IS NOT THE TRAGIC THING AT ALL THAT MARKED THE DOWNFALL OF THE WORLD — IT IS MERELY A LITTLE SHIVERING, A CHILL IN THE PROCESS OF A REVOLUTIONARY RENAISSANCE OF A COUNTRY THAT HAD BEEN EXPLOITED AND GNAWED INTO SINCE THE DAYS OF CORTEZ. WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW IS BUT A CONTINUATION OF WHAT THE HIDALGOS AND GUERREROS BEGAN.

I AM SURE IF YOU THINK OF THESE THINGS IN THIS LIGHT YOU WILL BE LESS IN A STATE OF TRAGIC GLOOM, YOU WILL SHED YOUR PETTY — VERY PETTY — BOURGEOIS ANXIETY AND PSEUDO-LIBERAL BIGOTRY, AND THE SPIRIT OF ENTERPRISE AND ADVENTURE WILL RETURN TO YOU. WRITE TO ME. I SHALL THEN WRITE AGAIN.

AS ALWAYS,

Mexico City

April 24th, 1938

"Your panicky state is intelligible only
in so far as your sense of financial
security is shaken"

Only that and nothing more, my dear brother, and it is a good sized
bill. The rest of your reasoning is a theoretical discussion of some
general truths and some particular errors. I am as far from the Berlin-
Rome-axis mentality now as I have been 30 years ago. I know whose scrap
this is the same as you do, only you probably do not know as well as I do
how muddy the waters are where the fishing is taking place with so much
bombastic noise.

Your dubbing me a sort of colonial empire builder is really gratuitous.
I never felt in the very least that I had a purpose and a mission to civilize
any savages, so to say. I was just as much a slave to a wage system in
Mexico as many another "at home". The fact that my wage was comparatively
high did not change much the problem at hand. It provided no greater
security (in fact, less) and was not in the least an expression of favoritism
to a brother of the clan, simply the least price paid for qualifications
needed at the moment.

Panicky? Not really. And not at all surprised at "unexpected
blows", nor so certain of their deadliness - in a general way. Only you
see, my dear man, the general and ultimate good is somewhat remote in
terms of time, and this is exactly what I, as an individual consumer of
the necessaries of life, can least afford to gamble with. At 46 both
resources (i.e. opportunities) and resourcefulness begin to decline. Any
external unbalance will naturally make the decline alarming. Right as you
are that our anxieties, once released, always run ahead of actual events,
it is nevertheless also true that the latter, in times of social-economic
stress, begin to happen fast just when one does not expect them. I know
that prophets of gloom are frequently ridiculous. So are also grasshoppers
at times.

Your amusing reference to my (?) "unique blindness" which struck
you so a few years ago is a queer one indeed. I wonder whether the com-
pliment should not really be returned. You have overestimated possibilities
then and I have committed the unfortunate error of setting on a course to
which I could not hold. It is rather your defective orientation in the
local scene that is causing you to slip in your statement that "there is
hardly any chance" for the expropriation of the utilities of any violent
disintegration of anything. Without anticipating any such eventualities,
I would not be surprised by them in the least. In any event, the outlook
for me is most unpromising, unless some great miracles happen. You surely
do not expect me to believe in miracles.

Dear Gregory, appreciative as I am of the warmth that you have
established between us several years ago, I feel compelled to say that this
time you seem to have misunderstood my gloomy reflections in writing. That
I do not feel altogether comfortable is natural enough. It is probably also
natural that my thoughts should have turned to you when I suddenly had a
certain sense of loneliness. That was all, and nothing more. It is not

my habit usually to run with my problems outside. Besides, I do not feel
quite so helpless and played out yet. My state of health continues
excellent, as far as I know, and my salary is still being paid to me
regularly and complete.

I hope you have a good trip to the West Coast in June and get
some well needed relaxation there. Until last night have been thinking
of driving up to NY just about that time and, among other things, fetch
Natalie home for the summer. This plan is now abandoned, at least until
September, if then. Any chance of you "dropping in" on us? You will be
warmly received.

My very best as ever

May 19, 1938

Dear James:

Now that we misunderstand one another so thoroughly, we might
talk a bit more calmly.

What I protested against was not your sense of insecurity, not the
sense of shock you experienced under the pressure of the economic changes in
Mexico, not even your panicky state, but something else. Your letters to me,
your letters to others, Eugenia's letters, all reflected that panicky state -
not in terms of personal economic insecurity - but in terms of revolution, com-
munism, general social breakdowns, etc. In other words, in terms of a man who
has become truly disturbed that the social structure and not his personal job
is about to be broken down. It is against this that I protested, for it is
natural for everyone to be anxious about his economic security, but it is regret-
table to observe that under the pressure of personal financial insecurity one be-
gins, no matter how indirectly, to cling to the established social order; to fear
its downfall; to defend it emotionally - all this despite one's professed liberal
advanced world view in matters social. It is not the avowed reactionary and stand-
patter who is dangerous and objectionable, for he is usually a pleasant, well man-
nered gentleman, carrying on a splendid tradition. He merely carries on this tradi-
tion honestly and sincerely. It is the liberal and the radical who at the moment of
emotional trial is unable to maintain his position and who succumbs to a confusion
between his personal insecurity and the social changes he faces. It is a truism worth
reiterating and a very accurate statement of fact: when social changes set in, per-
sonalities have to fall victims of the process. This is no less true when it hurts
us personally as much as it hurts others. After all James had your concern expressed
itself as a purely personal one, I would have nothing but friendly understanding feelings
about it. It is the social rationalization that disturbed me.

It was not very long ago that I was starving in the streets of Petrograd -
having my teeth fall out; nor was it so long ago that I was facing death on the barri-
cades in Petrograd, in the trenches of the Dvinsk front, or starving in Vienna, or in-
secure in New York. I know that sense of insecurity. It is a terrible feeling -
but somehow during all these long stretches of great discomfort I never failed to wel-
come true revolutionary changes in this world.

Your allusion to the dishonesty of some of the politicians is not valid. In
politics everybody is dishonest, because politics is but an euphemism for our dishonesty
which finds expression in social mastery, and in the course of social upheavals. You
and I may not like it any more than some of the normal human physiological functions, but
they are what they are.

Luck to you. Write me how things are going.

Mexico City

May 31st, 1936

Pauline dearest, this will be a hasty letter and, I hope, not long - lest you tire unduly. A few days ago, when your letter arrived, we were just in the midst of shipping out Eugenia and Lydia. The job had its complications. Both were barely out of bed, looked awful and felt worse. Eugenia took your letter with her and will probably answer direct. She and I feel pretty much alike on the subject you discussed, but I cannot refrain from saying a few words to you myself and hope you will not mind.

I do not remember any more the details of your letter, but my general impression now is that it is good to have dear friends who can talk to you freely about private affairs, with the full assurance that their friendship will be appreciated even when their views are not fully shared. This is our case 100%. You are right, of course, in that I react perhaps more painfully to my brother's admonitions than I should. Granting even that Gregory did not mean to admonish, he surely was pretty "left-handed" in his manner of trying to cheer (?) me up. As a psychologist he committed a very serious error - he missed entirely the "point" of my writing him at all about the way I felt on oil, politics and sundry matters.

Your letter explains what was a shocking suspicion to me. And the shock that Gregory's first reaction to my note caused me was not lessened by his failure to express himself frankly. When the "oil case" jarred us all here out of our complacency, I was away in Chihuahua - about a thousand miles north from home. I have been away for some time then and, as is my foolish habit when too long alone, I felt quite alone. You know the feelings one has when suddenly there is too much time on hand to think. I believe that then I felt especially, for no definite reason whatsoever, that youth, energy, hopes, castles-in-the-air and all that slipped far behind; that now my job seems to resolve itself simply into the care that the pieces hold together just long enough to provide for those who need me still; that otherwise there little left for me to do.

I am not usually given to pessimism, and certainly am not in the habit of looking for support - any kind. I could not form such habit, because almost from childhood I have been standing on my own feet and have been hatching my way thru the jungles with my own machete. Besides, no one ever "babied" me, except perhaps perhaps my mother. Only that was too long ago and I never liked it anyway. When several years ago Gregory all of a sudden showered upon me so much attention and affection, it was so strange to me that I could not respond properly. Family affections have been dead in me too long, so that what little I was capable of naturally went to Eugenia and our children. Our present life was built with them, not with the "source family". However, thru these years I must have been sort of thawing out, and entirely thru Gregory. His material attentions always made me feel uncomfortable, but he charged me with P B M and played with arithmetics to prove to me that I was foolish in seventeen different ways. But thru the heavy coat of material attentions it seemed to me that I could distinguish affections of an entirely different order. It was these latter ones that really softened my normal P B M rigidity. And I now regret it.

But in the barren hills of the Chihuahua mining camps, in March 1936, I probably yielded to sentimental brooding. At that moment I wrote a few words to Gregory. I had no ulterior motives. I did not even have in mind to ask for a damned thing, and I don't. It was just that I remembered, or felt the need of, a contact with someone friendly, but

independently so. I don't know that I could describe accurately the feeling I had. Only let me assure you (and Gregory) that dependence was no part thereof. Gregory seems to have understood me just 100% incorrectly. Consequently his tirades. How could these encourage, uplift? Now add an unaccustomed string of ailments in the family and a most quick-sandy situation in the country, and you will understand why being lectured at could mix not only irritate me, but also deeply disappoint me.

All the above is written to you on the basis of several assumptions. One is that you are well informed on Gregory's attitudes and reactions. The other is that you are an intimate enough friend of the family to largely participate in its life. Still another is that you don't mind this discussion of family affairs on my part and that you feel entirely free to forget it or pass it on in any way you like. Why don't I write direct to Gregory? I do not believe it would serve any useful purpose and fear that it may irritate him, which I do not want at all.

Now, to shift the subjects. I can give no recognition to any need of a rest or any other such patrician luxuries. Too many other things to do just now. So my immediate problem is to get Natalie home in some way. The kid is writing frantic letters of worry about us and of hunger for Home. There certainly nothing else she can do but come home to us for the short summer. The trains south of the border are not recommended, and may not be for some time. 'Planes are best, but too expensive. A boat trip would be very nice, but not for Natalie alone; and furthermore, no boats are available at the time the kid finishes school - it would surely be most foolish to wait a week for one. I am planning now to drive up to the border and take Natalie home by highway. Until the border (or San Antonio) she will have to travel alone, unless Cook's happen to find some congenial people who would not mind Natalie's company. I asked Cook's here to have their New York office communicate with you if they find someone desirable leaving approximately on the 25th of June. Shall take care of the ticket myself, probably paying to Cook's here. I hope you don't mind the trouble. In fact, I am certain you don't. So many thanks in advance for that and for your very kind offer of the apartment to us. Momentan kommt es nicht mehr in Frage. We'll see what happens in the Fall.

Best of love and hoping you have a pleasant summer

Mexico City

May 31st, 1936

But in the barren hills of the Chihuahua mining camps, in March 1938, I probably yielded to sentimental brooding. At that moment I wrote a few words to Gregory. I had no ulterior motives. I did not even have in mind to ask for a damned thing, and I don't. It was just that I remembered, or felt the need of, a contact with someone friendly, but

All the above is written to you on the basis of several assumptions. One
is that you are well informed on Gregory's attitudes and reactions. The
other is that you are an intimate enough friend of the family to largely
participate in its life. Still another is that you don't mind this dis-
cussion of family affairs on my part and that you feel entirely free to
forget it or pass it on in any way you like. Why don't I write direct
to Gregory? I do not believe it would serve any useful purpose and fear
that it may irritate him, which I do not want at all.

Now, to shift the subjects. I can give no recognition to any need of a
rest or any other such patrician luxuries. Too many other things to do
just now. So my immediate problem is to get Natalie home in some way.
The kid is writing frantic letters of worry about us and of hunger for
Home. There certainly nothing else she can do but come home to us for
the short summer. The trains south of the border are not recommended,
and may not be for some time. 'Planes are best, but too expensive. A
boat trip would be very nice, but not for Natalie alone; and further-
more, no boats are available at the time the kid finishes school - it
would surely be most foolish to wait a week for one. I am planning now
to drive up to the border and take Natalie home by highway. Until
the border (or San Antonio) she will have to travel alone, unless Cook's
happen to find some congenial people who would not mind Natalie's com-
pany. I asked Cook's here to have their New York office communicate
with you if they find someone desirable leaving approximately on the
25th of June. Shall take care of the ticket myself, probably paying
to Cook's here. I hope you don't mind the trouble. In fact, I am
certain you don't. So many thanks in advance for that and for your
very kind offer of the apartment to us. Momentan kommt es nicht mehr
in Frage. We'll see what happens in the Fall.

JUNE 15, 1938.

DEAR EUGENIA AND JAMES:

I HAVE YOUR LETTERS OVER A WEEK AND I AM DETERMINED TO WRITE TO YOU TODAY COME WHAT MAY, SO I AM STEALING TIME AT THE OFFICE. GREGORY AND RAY GOSSELIN ARE AWAY IN CALIFORNIA AND THEY ARE HAVING A VERY GOOD TIME I HEAR.

I HAVE DONE WHAT USUALLY HAPPENS WHEN ONE MIXES IN IN PRIVATE AFFAIRS -- I HAVE STIRRED UP A HORNET'S NEST. I DID NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR LETTER WRITTEN IN CHIHUAHUA TO GREGORY, AND I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF HIS REACTIONS TO IT. I THOUGHT I MADE MYSELF CLEAR THAT IT WAS MY OWN OPINION OF GREGORY AND THAT HE NEVER INDICATED EITHER BY WORD OR DEED TO ME THAT HE THOUGHT YOU MEANT TO ASK FOR ANYTHING. IT IS MY OPINION THAT GREGORY LIKES TO GIVE WHEN THE SPIRIT MOVES HIM BUT LET HIM SUSPECT THAT SOMETHING IS EXPECTED OF HIM -- WHETHER IN MONEY OR DEEDS -- AND IT IRKS HIM, AND I SAID THAT JUST AS ONE DOES WHEN DISCUSSING THE PERSONALITY OF A PERON -- NOT AS APPLYING TO YOU PARTICULARLY. HOWEVER, IT IS QUITE USELESS TO TRY TO EXPLAIN THESE THINGS BY MAIL; ONE QUESTION RAISES ANOTHER. I FEEL THAT IN HIS OWN WAY HE IS AS FOND OF YOU AS HE IS OF ANYBODY.

I GOT A NOTE FROM NATALIE ABOUT GRADUATION, ETC. RAY AND I ARE GOING TO THE GRADUATION -- I MEAN RAY ZILBOORG. I THINK I TOLD YOU THAT. SHE SAYS SHE PLANS TO SPEND THE WEEK-END AT THE FARM WITH RAY AND GREGORY AND THEN IS COMING TO NEW YORK TO VISIT WITH SYLVIA FOR HOW LONG SHE DOES NOT KNOW. SHE CAN ALSO STAY WITH ME IF SHE WANTS TO BUT I SUPPOSE SHE WOULD RATHER STAY WITH SYLVIA WHO HAS A DAUGHTER HER OWN AGE. SO FAR COOKS HASN'T CALLED ME AND IF THERE IS ANYTHING I CAN DO FROM THIS END PLEASE LET ME KNOW. DO NOT HESITATE TO ASK ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO DO. I AM QUITE SURE THAT NATALIE WILL BE SAFE IN TRAVELING ALONE. SHE HAS A GOOD HEAD ON HER AND IF PUT ON HER OWN SHE ACCEPTS RESPONSIBILITIES.

SO MUCH FOR YOUR LETTER JAMES.

EUGENIA DEAR, I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU ARE GETTING A REST AND DO SEE THAT THAT MAN OF YOURS GETS A REST TOO. THE COUNTRY YOU DESCRIBE SOUNDS LOVELY. DOES OAX STAND FOR OAXACA? I FEEL I HAVE SORT OF A PROPRIETORY INTEREST IN OAXACA. WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT YOUR INABILITY TO BECOME PART OF THE AMERICAN ORGANIZATIONS HERE, OR EVEN IN THE U.S.A. BEING THE VERY CONFLICT OF YOUR LIFE -- I BELIEVE -- IS THE VERY THING THAT GREGORY DID SEE AND THAT HE TRIED TO JOG JAMES OUT OF. GREGORY HAS THAT MARVELOUS ABILITY OF ADAPTING HIMSELF TO ANY COUNTRY AND TO ANY SITUATION AND I THINK HE TRIED TO IMPART THE NECESSITY OF DOING SO TO JAMES. HOWEVER, I SHALL NOT TRY TO EXPLAIN WHAT GREGORY MEANT BECAUSE IN THE LAST ANALYSIS ONE CANNOT KNOW WHAT ANOTHER FELLOW MEANT ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU DON'T DISCUSS IT WITH HIM -- AND I DID NOT DISCUSS THE PRESENT SITUATION WITH GREGORY.

I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU SAY YOU ARE "PAYING FOR IT" (GREGORY'S CONTRIBUTION) IN CASH AND MENTAL HUMILIATION". I AM SURE THAT NEITHER OF THOSE IS WHAT GREGORY WANTED. HE SENT JAMES A CHECK FOR $300. AND WHEN THE OTHER $300. COMES DUE IF JAMES WILL DROP HIM A NOTE I AM SURE GREGORY WILL GLADLY SEND IT. I MAY SAY THAT HE TOLD ME TO SEND THE CHECK FOR $300. IN A VERY NICE SPIRIT.

I MUST CLOSE NOW AS I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT THAT I AM LATE FIVE MINUTES FOR. MY LOVE TO YOU AND JAMES AND THE CHILDREN. I SHALL WRITE TO OLGA THE FIRST CHANCE I GET IN REPLY TO HER LOVELY LETTER.

AS EVER,

Apartado #8 Box
Mexico City, Mexico

Mexico, July 21st, 1938

Dear Gregory:

Your letter of the 6th did some travelling before it came to me. I have been away a couple of weeks in Chihuahua on business - enjoying, incidentally, lovely scenery and pretty awful food. But I am back again at my old routine office occupation. Our evenings are now most enjoyable visits with Natalie. We chat, we listen to her, we observe her and we plan together. Except for the ever more complicated financial situation, that would be an altogether agreeable pastime.

We found Natalie rapidly maturing, although still a good deal of a child. Quite rebellious and irrational at times (resembling papa in a most extraordinary fashion), but far more promising and above most other classmates of hers of the American School here. At least, so it seems to us. I am quite satisfied that the Oakwood experiment was a happy choice.

I, too, wish we had an opportunity to get together sometime soon. Only I fear it is remote. Natalie has to report to Antioch by the end of August, so we are again planning (for the fifth time!) to drive up to leave her at Antioch, this time for at least a couple of years. The drive for the three of us (children staying home) both ways would cost only little more than a single railroad fare one way. And the drive may provide some hope of relaxation, the need of which I feel ever more. It is my thought that on the way back from Dayton, Eugenia and I may perhaps linger a bit on the highways and enjoy the quiet of some wayside inn for a few days. But even this luxury may be unattainable, what with mounting expenses and dollars at 5 to 1.

You don't expect perhapse to be around Dayton early in August? I would indeed be glad to see you. A continuation east of Dayton I even fear to contemplate. I have no prospect of a business trip to New York and I don't really want any more business trips to New York. They are expensive and most enervating. My nerves are enough on edge without it. All I am dreaming of now is a week or two under an elm tree, with more elm trees around. Remember "The Apostate" by Jack London? That's me.

Have you been printing anything recently? I refer to both papers and photography. Would certainly enjoy reading and seeing some. Your name was mentioned the other day in "Newsweek" in connection with photography.

BUTTERFIELD
8-0044

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M. D.

July 6 - 1938

Dear James:

Now when we have thoroughly misunderstood one
another, we may resume our correspondence accordingly.
It is a long time since I last heard from you. I am
back from California and feel somewhat restored; I was
frightfully fatigued before I went.

It is foolish for you to resent my plain talking.
What I meant to say, and what I thought I said, was that
personal insecurity is a sufficient reason for being pa-
nicky and that it is not necessary to be ashamed of this
fact; hence it is not necessary to invest this panic with
economic and sociological considerations. It is the lat-
ter that have become increasingly defined in your letters,
and to which I felt prompted to object. However, it is
hardly necessary to say that, disagreements and divergences
of opinion, should not interfere with our friendly relation-
ship.

How are things going and how did you find Natalie?
I wish I had time to get together with you and discuss the
general situation. What are your prospects?

Best regards to all,

1938

Before
years in Chi-
ly
kin at
are now
listen
cept
a, that

still a
ational
(fashion),
mates
so it
was

together
lie has
are
to
couple
en
ore
ive may
I feel
k from
n the
for a
ble,
1.

on early
. A
mplate.
k and I
York.
es are
now is

a week or two under an egg, and then a tree
around. Remember "The Apostate" by Jack London? That's me.

February 24, 1939

Dear James:

Over a month ago when I received your letter I was getting ready for a trip to California and, as I hoped to have more leisure there, I took the letter with me planning to write to you from there. Unfortunately, I arrived in Los Angeles ill and my ten day vacation was spent mostly in bed. Two days before leaving California, I sustained an injury to my right hand, which again made it impossible for me to write. As a matter of fact, while the wound is healed and the cut tendon is repaired, I can not write yet with sufficient comfort.

Upon my arrival home, in the wake of this injury, Ray became ill and had to go to the hospital. No sooner had she recovered and come home than Gregory chose to shoot up a temperature of 105°. Add to this a lot of work undone and a crowded schedule to cope with and you will understand the sad story of my silence.

There is little if any other news. One seems to resent the intrusion of personal matters into one's life and, frankly speaking, I find myself paying frightfully little attention to them as compared with the world events. It is a queer thing to dwell on the various troubles with which the world is filled despite the fact that one knows that history is a captious patient and never recognized any specialty in the field of medicine. Hence one lives from day to day in a state of forebodings, watching the sky as it were, not so much wondering when it is going to clear up but wondering when the storm will break on our heads. It is also quite queer to find oneself wishing for a world war while knowing all the time that a more generalized blood-shed will solve as little as the many blood-sheds that go on and bring us less than we have even now in point of spiritual security and hope.

This being the case, I have nothing to say for want of anything cheerful and nothing to add to the daily news of bigger and better murders. At times I look back and think either with melancholy satisfaction or with a pang of regret that I have been witnessing with interest what was going on in the world for almost half a century and at no time throughout this span of years was there a period when history gave human blood a chance even to dry up before fresh blood was spilled. It must be interesting but it is also very foul.

Write me soon. I am not discouraged -- not even disgusted -- just angry. At times when I feel more kindly toward things and people, I catch myself resent-

March 28th, 1939

Dear Gregory:

It is a month now since your letter arrived. While it brought little cheer as between the family illnesses and world events, I was at least relieved to hear that the accident you suffered was not of great consequence and that you are improving rapidly. I sincerely hope that by now all your family illnesses are over, although the other day a letter from Ray was received in which she writes that you are suffering from a very annoying type of cold. Is "sinus trouble" an accurate scientific description for that illness? Now that spring is coming, let us hope you will no longer be bothered with it, or anything else.

The world events are keeping us on edge here just as much as they have been keeping you. How well do I remember the dreadful tension of September 1938! However, now I find myself somewhat more resigned to the idiotic European conditions. My resignation is, of course, not that of acquiescence in the doings of the two madmen of Europe. Rather, strange as it may seem, I have a growing hope that the first one is rapidly heading for a fall and that the second one, handicapped as he is by his greater culture, will finish his prostitutional clowning as soon as events indicate to him that he should change his bets because the winning horse is no longer wiming. It is inconceivable to me that the atrocious conditions under which the German empire is building up can last much longer. I find cheerful signs of the impending crash in the taxation bonds issued by Hitler a few days ago. It also seems to be simple logic that Poland has nothing to hope for from Hitler under any kind of arrangement and that the recently acquired lands must be only a source of ever greater headaches, because they are highly industrialised and must depend on exports. President Roosevelt seems to be the only consistent and unhesitating opponent of the famous axis (which may be thinning down awfully close to a breaking point) and is hitting its northern end rather effectively. This may yet be the best alternative to war.

You say you find yourself wishing for a war, although you realize its consequences. At one time I felt the same way. Now, in spite of the tragedy of the situation, it seems to me ridiculous and unworthy of any intelligent human being to expect anything from a war, conducted as it would be by the Chamberlains and Daladiers, with the somewhat incongruous admixture of the Stalins. Is it not true that only the romantic fools of 1918 were so bitterly disappointed at Versailles, and would we not be fools again to expect that such a war would end with anything but a more cruel Versailles? It amuses me to hear hopes expressed that Anthony Eden may improve matters.

But enough of this. We do now the way you were doing in September. Every spare minute of our time we hang on the radio for

-2-

news of developments, only to shut it off in disgust at the blustering speech of Mussolini or the reports on the secret negotiations between the various chancellories of Europe. Somehow I cannot resist the hope that before the summer is far advanced, we may witness a dénouement of the whole mess. Only who can tell what will come after it?

Meanwhile, our little private lives go on with the same routine as ever. Nothing new and nothing clear ahead. I have made a few more attempts to transfer to the States, but all in vain. Conditions in Mexico continue unsettled and the disgust at having to budget expenses in the closest possible fashion is only increasing. The news from Natalie is rather good. She seems to be making progress in maturing and in her own youthful way shows appreciation of the problems she will have to face quite soon. If you happen to know of any one driving to Mexico about June and having space in the car, maybe we would wish Natalie on them. That would be a great help to the budget.

Your "won't apologize" is written splendidly and we have been circularizing it actively. I can hardly share the "overtones" of your main thesis - your Jews come out altogher as too innocent lambs and almost as the exclusive agents in spreading the fine values of civlization throughout eternity. But, of course, the problem is - au fond - not theirs alone.

Pray do not despair and keep in touch with me more often that you have done. Occasionally I get rather concerned over you and frequently would like to hear a word from you. Une bonne poignée de main.

Mexico City

6-20-39

Dear Gregory - how time does "fly"! It's over a week that your brief note arrived. And I had such good intentions of writing at once. I was really glad to hear from you, altho it is a bit difficult to "hear" much from your nine-line note.

Am very glad you are now set for a long vacation. It always seemed to me that you needed one, only did not know how to take it. For that matter, who does but the rare human who can detach himself from the the daily - and worldly - concerns completely, unconditionally. I doubt whether you have learned the art, am certain I haven't. In fact, the more I live, the more I unlearn it. But that is another story altogether.

Your letter found me in the midst of house hunting. What job can be more disagreeable? As time goes the maintenance of a large domestic establishment is becoming ever more difficult. The mistake of going into one has not been remedied by time, only became worse. One almost despairs in searching, and how I regret that once started on the adventure I did not carry it out to the end. You don't perchance want to embark now upon building or buying a house in Mexico? I would readily guarantee you a good tenant - well-behaved, punctual and with all the other virtues.

Otherwise there is not much to tell. Our little family is reasonably well. The baby has just run up a little fever tonight, but we hope it is not serious. For months I have been fighting a most annoying feeling of despondency, but now seem to become adjusted to things somehow. I could hardly account for it, because nothing in my environment has been especially trying or more difficult than before. As a matter of fact, problems of insecurity or insufficiency of income or relations with my employers have rather faded away into the background. All the same, all sorts of irrational thoughts have been recurring persistently and often my wish was to consult you. But you are always so busy, and one can hardly wish to doctor - or dissect - the mind of a brother. So I just grope for composure and wisdom. By myself.

In a week Natalie will be back for her summer vacation. She won't have much of it in terms of rest, but it will be long. You see, after the first year at Antioch of purely academic work, Natalie goes over to the cooperative schedule. This means alternate five-week periods of work and study. We were fortunate in arranging with Misrachi to take on Natalie as soon as she arrives here. She will work in the book store. This will give her a little income and will also be credited to her at Antioch. It will also permit her to stay with us thru September.

AIR MAIL

June 29th, 1939

Dr. G. Zilboorg,
The White Cedars,
Pound Ridge, N.Y.

Dear Gregory:

Since I wrote you last week things again began to happen in Mexico. Or rather, in spite of the fact that Washington is ready to stop purchases of Mexican silver, nothing overt seems to happen. And quite likely nothing will happen in the external life of the country. Only the very props have been knocked out from the economic structure of Mexico, and internal adjustments started at once: the peso taking a nose dive, what little liquid capital is still in the country running fast out of it, and cost of living sky-rocketting. The final black prospect is the extinction of the mining industry, based as it is principally on silver. However, this latter event is likely to be much slower, and some miracle may happen meanwhile. Strange as it may seem and contrary to the conditions when the oil industry was smashed, the utilities do not seem to be threatened. Those employed by the utilities, of course, do not fare so well because of the exchange, but the jobs are not much more insecure than they have been for some time. The reasons for this are quite complex and, if you are interested, I can write you at length some other time. For the moment this should suffice as an introduction to a very much simpler proposition that may interest you.

As you know, I have been looking for another house to live in. So far I have been taking my time about it and it was actually difficult to find anything suitable at less rent, because rents, as everything else, are rising. It now develops that I shall have to vacate before the end of the year anyhow, because the owner wants the house. By then rents are bound to be still higher.

Now, while searching for a rented house, I came upon several propositions of buying one. Two of these offer certain attractions and they can be acquired at very low prices. On a dollar basis they are almost ridiculously low. It occurred to me that you may wish to reconsider your old plan of buying a house in Mexico. Simply as an investment it should pay you, and as a cash outlay it may not be heavy for you. Here are the main points:

## House #1

New, located in Chapultepec Heights, four bedrooms, two baths, all the necessary conveniences. Total lot size about 300 square meters, house occupies about half. Location is in middle of block and all three sides are occupied by relatively new houses. Therefore, expansion is impossible and view is rather cramped. Best price obtainable 15,500 pesos cash and 7000 pesos mortgage payable in 10 years with 10% interest annual interest on monthly balances.

-2-

At present rate of exchange (about 6:1), the cash portion is some
$2600. US.Cy. If you are willing to supply the cash, I shall pay
out the mortgage and the house will be yours. In addition, I shall
pay you a rent of $25.00 US.Cy. per month, so that your investment
will yield you about 1% a month, or the equivalent of 17% per
annum, less water and taxes which may eat up 2 or 3% at most.

## House #2

Cottage style construction, about 10 years old, in fair condition.
Located just around San Angel Inn on a corner. Lot size - 1200
square meters, very beautiful garden with old trees. Only one
old fashioned bath, but ample room for improvements. Good stone
foundation, fair roof. Can be lived in now, but with a couple of
thousand pesos can be made into a lovely home in less than two
months. Total price 15000 pesos, no mortgages outstanding, but
it seems that some 1000 pesos is overdue on taxes, maybe less.
I would make you a proposition on this house similar to the one
suggested above.

Neither house is a risky investment. Even if I should
leave Mexico, renting should be easy. I am certain that after I
have lived in a house only for a year or two, the improvements made
and the general rise in real estate values will make either house
attractive. You may gain an idea of rising values from this:
some 5 years ago I selected tentatively a lot in the Heights at
6 pesos a square meter; it was sold last year at 13, and 18 has
been offered for it last month. The lot of house #1 was purchased
5 years ago for 7 pesos a meter, it is now valued at 12, which
is the very minimum at which the worst land in the Heights is
obtainable.

Since the instability of the peso may change the above
offers any time, I would appreciate your advising me at once
whether you are interested. The houses can be bought in father's
name or mine, if for some reason you as a non-resident should not
be able to buy it in your own. For house #2 it may be possible
to pay half at once and half in six months.

I consider the purchase of a house here at this time
such an opportunity that I was tempted to carry it out myself,
by borrowing on my insurance policies. Only this comes out to be
a short term loan, and the repayment of principal and interest
makes it almost impossible for me.

Shall be looking forward to your answer. Meanwhile
hastily

Best regards

R.F.D. NO. 1
NEW CANAAN, CONN.
TELEPHONE
BEDFORD VILLAGE 323

THE WHITE CEDARS
POUNDRIDGE, N.Y.

July 28, 1939

Dear James:

A brief holiday combined with enormous amounts of work with which I have to catch up, as the result of a very unfortunate winter, made it impossible for me to write sooner. I am on the farm now, going to New York only once a week, doing some work and some resting.

It is unfortunate that the problems that interest and occupy us cannot be discussed in a personal interview instead of through writing. Writing at best is inadequate.

A few days ago I received a letter from Mr. Helfman who cordially in-
vited himself to come to see my farm but, as I have been away, the visit could not
be arranged. Considering the various circumstances, I am aware of being not a
little jealous.

It occurred to me that our Father did not ever take the chance to come to New York. I have written Fira yesterday, asking her to make all necessary arrangements in order to have Father visit us here for a couple of weeks. I hope you will cooperate in the project and help with all the necessary bureaucratic arrangements. I do not even know whether he possesses a passport.

As to your suggestion about my buying a house, I am sorry that I cannot
see eye to eye with you on the subject. There are many angles to the problem which,
if discussed by means of the written word, may convey the wrong impression. I
want to assure you that it is not lack of good will on my part that makes me say no,
nor do I want to presume and tell you what in my opinion is best for you. The bur-
dens of life economically and biologically are becoming heavier and not lighter.
I am unable to undertake any more burdens.

I heard that Mother had another heart attack and an urgent call for help was sent to me by Fira. I sent her a check for $100 but I wonder whether it is not foolish for I heard only yesterday that she worked like a truck horse to arrange a party a few days ago. A cardiac condition is more aggravated by parties than alleviated by a trip to the country. It is more than a passing mood that makes me uncomfortable at the thought that I am being exploited.

Best regards to all,

Mr. James Zilboorg,
Apartado, 8 Bis,
Mexico, D. F.

Mexico City

Aug. 2, 1939

Dear Gregory,

A sense of fairness prompts me to hasten with some corrections to your letter of the 26th last. I am certain you will be glad to accept them and feel some comfort in it.

You are not being exploited with any sentimental sob stuff about mother's condition. I do not know what Fira asked of you, nor am I aware of mother asking for anything at this time. But I do know that mother's health is precarious indeed. Specialists appear to have agreed on angina pectoris, or something close to it. She has been in bed for several weeks under strict doctor's orders and is not allowed now even to walk about the house. She has not worked at all for the birthday of her granddaughter. As a matter of fact, contrary to the established custom, Bassia has been seeing to the house and the kitchen for several weeks now.

Mother might benefit by a trip to lower altitudes and warmer climates, but the doctors tell us she could not survive the trip,-- at least should not risk it. And then, she could not be left alone anywhere away from home and no one can go with her. She has frequent spasmodic pains that must be very difficult to stand. She could not bear them alone.

I did not know you sent mother any money, except Pauline's advice received this afternoon of the regular monthly deposit. Under the present conditions hardly any more is needed. Doctors and medicines are costly, of course, but with the present exchange your $100. go appreciably further than they have in the past.

With the situation as described, father's trip to your farm would just be preposterous. He has been yearning for such a trip for years, but he would not and should not go now. I could help him readily enough with passport matters etc., but shall definitely advise him against it for the present.

Of course, it was quite foolish of Mr Helfman to suggest a visit with you. It is difficult for him to understand the setting and circumstances, but does such misunderstanding really call for sarcasm? Some 25 years from now we may perhaps appreciate a little better than both you and I do now what loneliness means to one at 70 plus in unfamiliar and not very kindly surroundings, especially when one is on a pilgrimage of leave taking. What you are jealous about - I do not understand, but I am sorry if you were annoyed.

I "hear" you are doing a great deal of writing. I envy you and am certain your work also involves much thinking and creation. Send me a copy of the book when it is published. I am missing your book on mediaeval medicine, - you remember you asked me to give it to Siqueiros' girl friend? She never returned it.

Write me whenever you feel like it. Am glad to hear from you any time. Hope the family is all well. Best regards to all.

R. F. D. NO. I
NEW CANAAN, CONN.
TELEPHONE
BEDFORD VILLAGE 323

THE WHITE CEDARS
POUNDRIDGE, N. Y.

August 8, 1939

Dear James

I am sorry to hear of Mother's illness, particularly because she seemed to be suffering a great deal. Hers is apparently a case of true angina pectoris; that is, angina due to sclerosis of the coronary arteries. This is an extremely painful thing and, as you probably know, a fatal affair. I doubt whether she will recover from this attack.

I wonder how all this will affect Father. It would perhaps be wise not to give him any too much hope so that he will be prepared for all eventualities. I agree with you that under the circumstances it would not be wise to make any arrangements for his possible visit here. Perhaps this could be done later and it will then do him much more good.

Your and Eugenia's response to my last letter, in so far as it concerns our Father, was rather uncalled for. It is not necessary to become agitated over such a trifle. As to sympathy with old age, I doubt whether sympathy requires unnecessary sacrifice and unreasonable service to senility. It is not a question of conflict between old and young. It is foolish to speak of conflicts in some deep psychological sense when it is all a matter of simple factual relationships.

I do not envy you the coming few weeks or perhaps days while Mother is still alive and I wish I could be of some help to you. In my professional capacity as physician and psychiatrist, I naturally take serious illnesses and death with a greater degree of detachment than you do.

Kind regards to everybody,

Mr. James Zilboorg,
Apartado, 8 bis,
Mexico, D. F.

Mexico City

8-16-39

Dear Gregory-

Mother is much improved. The pains are easing up and the doctors express themselves somewhat more cheerfully. In another week or two it may possible for her to change to a lower altitude and then get back on her feet again.

If the improvement continues, then perhaps the old man could make the trip to NY sometime in October. Of course, he would then miss the farm and you could not spare him much time. But, then, under any circumstances you would hardly be much with him.

If he goes to NY, the old man will want to spend a while with his relatives in StPaul. This, of course, would have nothing to do with you - expenses, I mean.

Let me know what you think of this, and don't delay. The problem of getting his papers in order turns out to be quite a complicated affair. Possibly also expensive, because of the bond that will be required. An Indian summer holiday may perhaps be quite the right thing for Father.

Have just fought off pneumonia and am now struggling with bronchitis. So this much typing is quite an effort.

Until next time

August 28th, 1939

Dear Gregory:

Mother is not improving. In fact, she seems to be weakening, although the pains are not as sharp as they were a couple of weeks ago. I talked with Dr. Ovadieff to-day and he does not feel at all cheerful. A cardiologist will see Mother to-morrow.

Everything that is possible is being done, of course, only very little seems to be of much effect. The $100. you sent through Fira is being used and is coming in very handy.

I wonder whether a few words direct to the parents may not be good for you to write. At least they would bring a little cheer into an atmosphere that is rather heavy.

Regards

BUTTERFIELD
8-0044

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M. D.

September 11

1939

Dear James:

I have been trying to write to you for the past two or three weeks, but it was next to impossible for me to do it, for many reasons.

I agree with you, of course, that under the circumstances father's visit should be postponed. I also think that it would be foolish to plan for him to come to the U.S. in the autumn or winter. He has been away from severe climates for so many years; he is an old man and he should not be subjected to exposure and changes. If all goes well, we might arrange for him to come late next Spring.

It is a frightful pity that mother has to suffer so much. I know that she will not recover from this illness, and I also know that it is one of the most painful. To hope for recovery means to believe in miracles. Considering her age, and the type of cardiac affliction, she will probably not last very long. As to my writing to them, since they do not know how to read my letters, would it not be better for you merely to tell them that I wrote to you; that we are all grieved about mother's illness and that we wish her well, and that I told the children that their grandmother is ill? There is really nothing else to say. Moreover, the end may come rather suddenly before my letter even reaches them.

The world situation has not simplified matters here, and the same is probably true of Mexico. Keep in touch with me, and give my best regards to all.

CALLE DE GANTE NUM. 4

MEXICO, D. F.

TELEFONOS: MEXICANA L-80-24
ERICSSON 8-04-20

APARTADO, 8 BIS

SIRVASE CITAR
PLEASE QUOTE

October 3rd, 1939

CORREO AEREO
AIR MAIL

Dear Gregory!

Mother is putting up a very brave fight and, contrary to our worst fears, seems to be improving. Occasionally she has bad nights, bad hours during the day, and when she has the attacks of pain it is pitiful to see her struggle. But in between pains she does not look badly and when she has a couple of good days in succession she cheers up a great deal.

On Sunday mother did not feel at all well in the morning, but yesterday she was allowed to get up a couple of times and felt quite cheered up when she could lie down on the sofa in the dining-room with the rest of the family. Her doctors approve of this and I suspect that they have reached the conclusion that getting out of bed for a little while occasionally may not make her condition much worse than it is and may perhaps even do a little good for the nervous system.

Last week mother had frequent crying fits just after she got over attacks of pain. She complains of the burden she is becoming for everybody around her and loses hope of ever getting out of bed. Then she also complains frequently about the high expense on medicines, doctors, etc. The expenses are quite heavy, but the medicines do provide some relief. From what I understand of the doctors' opinions, none of the medicines are of much curative value, but they help and mother may surprise us yet.

When your letter of the 11th of September arrived, mother was quite low, but I told her of having heard from you and decorated my story with a number of details of your concern for her health. This seemed to have had quite a good effect on her. She appreciated a lot your attention and so did the old man. As you know, he is terribly clumsy and of no help at all. In fact, I fear for his own condition frequently when I see how worried he is.

Sister is, of course, the greatest help and she certainly carries a heavy burden in attending to mother. It is often a twenty-four hour watch and the strain is beginning to show. Everybody comments on her wonderful resistance and wonders what would have happened to mother if Bassia were not around.

We do what little we can, but as you can well appreciate, it is precious little that we can do.

What is the news at your end? I hope the family is well and keeps cheerful in these cheerless days.

November 15th, 1939

Dear Gregory!

The other day when your check arrived for
mother, I was a little disappointed that it was only
for the usual amount. I did not want to ask you before,
nor did I want to let any one else approach you on
Mother's behalf. My hopes were double - that Mother
might get by with the normal allowance and that you might
think of increasing it a bit of your own accord, for a
few months at least. Of course, you may have thought
of it and just had no money to spare.

Mother shows considerable improvement over
two months ago. At least she is not bed-ridden all the
time. But she is certainly not well. The doctor's
medications apparently helped her get on her feet for
several hours daily, but the cost of getting these
brought her into debt and I am just not in position to
help her.

Some other day I shall write you about myself,
but now I hasten to tell you only about Mother. I do hope
you can raise her allowance a little and will not mind my
writing you about it. The old man too is quite affected
by Mother's illness and it is a pity one feels so helpless
to do much good to either of them.

Best regards

Hastily

October 2 - 1940

Dear James:

My time having been rather crowded in the past few weeks, I
was unable to answer your note sooner.

I am sorry, but it is not difficult to explain the phenomenon
that appears to puzzle you, namely - our so-called relationship. Take
as an example your letter; it contains a question, whether our relations
do not appear strange to me, then an admission that our contact was es-
tablished some few years ago on my own initiative, and then again a question,
why the pause - and then a signature.

The last time we corresponded I wrote to you explaining why it did
not seem to be advisable to have father visit the U.S. in the midst of the
winter; I never heard from you since. If there were any true desire on
your part to keep in touch with me you might have - once the impulse came -
sat down and written to me about things and people that you thought might
interest me. Instead, just a brief note. A correspondence cannot be one-
sided.

Evidently, judging by your silence as well as by what I hear occasionally, you do not think of life in the same terms as I, and your interests are considerably narrowed to more or less immediate surroundings. Unfortunately - in some respects at least - mine transgress these confines. It is difficult for me to become very enthused or disturbed by the chronic bickering that go on in the small circle of so-called family. The whole world is much more complex, if not more deserving at least, of some interest as an object of contemplation. I really do not know how else I could explain your inability to keep in touch with me, for I hear from you only when family matters make it necessary. Letter writing is not a duty, nor a past time nor is it a polite gesture; it grows out of a human need to communicate and to commune with others. For this need to be satisfied a great many things are required, but least of all small bickering amongst small people. I have really nothing against you; I have no feeling of offence, resentment or no negative feeling at all. I am interested in what you are doing and in what happens around you, but I am not interested in stamping on the same spot and considering it walking.

I fathom that my attitude toward Eugenia's father did not add to the sense
of good will on the part of your entourage, and I also assume that my lack of in-
terest in the question of who marries whom in one way or another, is somewhat dis-
concerting to a great many about you.

Well, as I said, it is difficult for me to define any more clearly the
lack of contact. I ascribe it primarily to the singular slant that your interests

April the first - 1940

Dear James:

Your note reached me a few days ago and I was taken somewhat by surprise. I recall that last year when I suggest that father come here for a visit, my proposal created not a small amount of turmoil and even ill felling, and I was forced to abandon the plan because of the overwhelming opposition with which it was met. True, mother was very ill at the time, but apparently this was not the only objection, for only about two weeks ago you referred to the matter in your talk with James P. Warburg, saying that it was too late, that father was too old for such a long trip, etc. I took this as a more or less direct message from you warning me not to entertain any more ideas about arranging for father's visit to us here. I took this as a message, for I could not imagine your saying this and other things to James P. Warburg merely as a topic of conversation. After all, she as a former patient of mine and he as a patient certainly are not people with whom to discuss my personal affairs and characteristics.

Within a few days after I heard of your conversation with Mr. Warburg I received your note in which you speak of a *promise* I made. It is very foolish to make this a matter of promises. I think, moreover, that it is foolish to arrange a trip for father, old man that he is, just at this time. The end of April here is a very poor season; it is rainy, raw, inconstant and frequently quite chilly. After so many years in sub-tropical, or nearly sub-tropical regions, it is dangerous for such a frail organism to make so abrupt a change. Moreover, this has been a horrible winter. For the first time in many years every one of us was ill, and doing a good job of it. Gregory was confined to bed twice, each time for a period of about two weeks. Ray was ailing off and on throughout the winter. I am unable to shake off what seems to have been an attack of grippe, and I am carrying the left overs for almost six weeks. Nancy started the winter with an illness that kept her in bed or indoors for two months, and is ending it with another illness - in bed for the third week - now on the mend.

Being a doctor my own life and security are inconstant, no matter how full, and the vicissitudes of personal life and those created by the war and many other circumstances make unusual demands on my time and energies right now, so that I probably would not be able even to visit with father in any leisurely way. There is but one conclusion: to wait until the weather and other conditions get better, and until I return from the meeting of the American Psychiatric Association at the end of May. We could then resume our conversations on the subject and see what might be arranged.

Regards to all. As to my not writing to father directly, it is natural I believe. He used to read Russian with great difficulty; he probably does it now with even greater difficulty. I would read his letters in Yiddish probably with even greater ineptitude.

Warmest Regards,

October 8th - 1940

Dear Gregory

No, you are "not critical at all". You have
only made a series of assumptions. The sources from which
you "hear occasionally" about my thoughts on life are en-
tirely unknown to me and you are, of course, free to take
them as justifying your assumptions. I consider them
entirely gratuitous and false.

It's been a long time since I cared to bring
to your attention any of my personal affairs. As a matter
of fact, it always irked me to do that with you or any one
else, simply because I have been accustomed since childhood
to take care of myself. Such ventilation of these matters
as you and I had in recent years was upon your initiative
alone. You had the noblest of intentions, of course. Only
you have been either too rash or too harsh for my tastes
and the impression it left in me was that you played with
a toy and tired of it.

I have never been toyed with before, nor since.
I just don't like it. So my personal affairs just dropped
out of your picture and so did I - to give both of us what
I felt to be a badly needed airing.

By your visions of being exploited and your
tendencies to lecture, you well managed to stifle any
natural impulse I had to write you about matters more tran-
scendental. But after a year or so of this reticence my
fears of your 'visions' largely wore off and I thought I
would like to hear from you. Perhaps an illusion that of
the six in our family we two had more in common with each
other than with the rest. Perhaps some concern for you,
some hopes that we can meet on higher planes than family
needs or differences.

Your answer is an eloquent demonstration of
my error, a somewhat bitter proof of fears confirmed.

I am very sorry, Gregory, about this. At
this stage of our life and in times such as these, it would
seem more fitting if our contacts were beyond the petty
confines, which you say that you transgress and I don't.

I wonder in sad disappointment.

My very best wishes

January 19, 1942

Mr. James Zilboorg,
Apartado 8-bis,
Mexico, D. F.

Dear James:

I learned yesterday from Fira that father is ailing and failing. From the fragmentary description of his symptoms I am led to believe that apparently his bladder functions are impeded because of an enlarged prostate gland. This is a condition commonly found in old men. It is an annoying, painful and, of course, dangerous condition. The only way out is an operation. On the other hand, since this condition occurs in old people and since the operation is a serious one, it is very difficult to decide what to do: there is always the danger of not surviving the operation. I should like to know what father's actual condition is. Who is his doctor? Perhaps the doctor would be willing to write to me and tell me about it. While there are many reasons for serious concern, it is very important to alleviate father's condition as effectively as it is possible under the circumstances. At any rate I shall appreciate more than I can tell your writing me about the whole situation.

How are you and your family? The war is drawing close to Mexico and it is here in the United States. Needless to say, the country is taking everything in its stride - with serenity, courage, good cheer and determination. It is very difficult to assess the immense perspective which is as bewildering as it is fascinating. The hectic details and the changing fortunes of combat are at times disconcerting, but one feels the surge of history and feels the awe which is due to these great events. In many respects it is all a personal disappointment. One would want to join the common effort more actively, more effectively, but I suppose that every one of us will sooner or later find his place in the cooperative effort.

Regards to you all.

APARTADO POSTAL
NUM. 8 BIS

TELEFONOS:
MEXICANA L-80-24
ERICSSON 18-04-20

CALLE DE GANTE NUM. 4

MEXICO, D. F.

January 27th, 1942

Dear Gregory:

Your letter came yesterday, just after I deposited the old man in the hospital. He has been there a whole day now and the first tests have been made. The results are not satisfactory. Blood analysis indicates that uraemic poisoning has advanced to an alarming stage - urea equivalent (Kap) nearly 5 times normal, uric acid (Folin) 2 times normal, some infection in the bladder, etc. etc. The urine analysis is chemically rather satisfactory, but the bacteriological tests are not. Father is under the care of Doctor A. Lichtenberg, of Viena, considered by many competent physicians the greatest urologist on the continent. At any rate, he is an internationally famous specialist. I do not care to ask the doctor for a direct report to you, because he is an extremely busy person and rather sharp of manner. Just because he is a fine old gentleman and has taken a live interest in the case, I would rather not irritate him by requests which I know he will consider irrelevant for the moment.

In the history of father's case, I suppose it is only fair to confess to some guilt of negligence. He started to complain some months ago of not sleeping because of the necessity to urinate frequently. In my ignorance of things medical, I did not feel alarmed. I had vague notions of prostatic problems, normal for people of father's age. Mother told me that father had been in the habit of urinating often through the night even 40 years ago. Busy as I am, I don't see the family very often and, as you know, the old man was never in good graces with them, so they did not pay much attention. I, too, knew father's cranky disposition and this contributed little to my appreciation of the case. In addition, our sister, in spite of her training as a nurse, was embarrassed to take father to a physician and left the matter to me. Unfortunately, of late I have been travelling a great deal.

Towards the end of November I completed my travels. Father's complaints became more serious. I consulted several medical friends in my search for a reliable urologist. I knew that in the field of prostate gland "treatment" the ethics of the profession were notoriously low, and at times decidedly dangerous. All my friends were unanimous in first mentioning Professor Lichtenberg, but hesitated to recommend him, because he is very authoritarian and peremptory in his decisions, also expensive. (As an aside, Dr. Lichtenberg was reportedly paid $25,000. US. last year for a few days trip on a chartered plane to New York for a consultation). So I tried another physician. After the first visit he called for a consultation with Dr. Lichtenberg. After several sessions it became obvious that time was being wasted.

All the roads led to Lichtenberg, so we consulted him again. He recommended hospitalization for a few days, to study the case. Father as well as the family resisted. They thought he would become impossibly cranky after that, life at home would become altogether

unbearable, etc. Eugenia and I had to fight "a war of conviction" for a couple of weeks. Then, too, monetary considerations played an inevitable part in the delay. I carried all I could, but definitely resisted attempts" to write to Gregory". Your past reactions were unpleasant to me. I did not care to receive another tirade and preferred to carry on alone. Please forgive this bitter tone, but why shouldn't I be frank with you? You asked for it.

While arguing with family "pro-hospital", I read up a bit on the subject. Meanwhile, father started suffering from incontinence. Things were getting decidedly bad. At last, yesterday morning I took father to the hospital and he is now under Lichtenberg's care. He receives the best attention we can provide. He means a good deal, perhaps more from habit than from serious pain. The doctor shows concern. Urine is drained continuously through a permanent sound. Certain injections are given daily. Dr. Lichtenberg considers an operation entirely out of the question at father's age, but seems to feel that he may get father on his feet yet. Sister is with him all the time, I visit him often.

And that is all for the moment.

Yes, transcendental problems engage me too. For some weeks past I have been giving all my spare time to work (with the blessing of the U.S. embassy here) on the knotty problems of inter-American relations. Hitler had a big jump on Uncle Sam and it will take a great deal of work and time and an immensely greater amount of intelligence than we have yet displayed in Mexico and all points South, to mitigate at least to some extent the unfortunate misunderstandings.

With best wishes

February 2, 1942

Dear James,

Your letter about Father's illness was greatly appreciated. It
is a pity that so much time was permitted to elapse till he began to show in-
continence and to suffer considerable pain. This pain is very real, because
in addition to the uremic poisoning that set in, the bladder under the circum-
stances becomes distended many times its natural size and causes a number of
discomforts. At any rate, the most one can hope now is that with constant
draining through the catheter the bladder will become reduced in size and the
uremia will pass. It might and might not. Your scruples about talking to
urologists are rather unnecessary, because even the most bearish doctors do not
refuse a colleague the courtesy of a report, especially when the patient is a
parent.

Father is an old man and his time in one form or another will
come or is coming soon; I regret not being able to see him now for a brief
moment before he goes. Please keep me informed. Please, also, don't be
foolish about "tirades." It is unwise and rather unrealistic to permit one's
own resentment to intrude into matters of this kind. I learned about Father's
symptoms casually and accidentally from Fira and at once understood that we
were dealing here with an advanced prostatic involvement and I knew that if
neglected the condition might develop into what it did. This is the usual
story and unless the involvement is due to a cancer it is to be regretted that
the case was not caught sooner. Well, as I said, this is a rather usual story
with these old cases, and I don't think you have anything to reproach yourself
for. The diagnostic wisdom of Mother and the diagnostic sloppiness of our older
sister are certainly to be questioned and should at not time be heeded.

If there is anything I can do, let me know.

My regards and best wishes to all.

Mr. James Zilboorg,
Apartment Num. 8 - Bis,
Mexico City,
Mexico.

APARTADO POSTAL
NUM. 8 BIS

CALLE DE GANTE NUM. 4

MEXICO, D. F.

February 4th, 1942

Dear Gregory:

On the 27th last I answered yours of the 19th inquiring after father's state of health. Then it was decidedly bad. I am glad to tell you now that he responded marvellously to treatment and on this ninth day shows a substantial reduction in uremic poisoning. The blood analysis indicates a urea equivalent still three times normal, but the other values are almost all within limits considered to be by Dr. Lichtenberg as entirely satisfactory.

All of which is quite a relief. With all one's fortitude and philosophic attitude to age, it is quite difficult to be placid in the sight of suffering. The old man must have gone through a terrible gruelling and evidently had no hope at all of surviving. As a matter of fact, the doctor told me last night that he considers it little short of a miracle that father responded so readily to his medications. The old man continues in hospital and his release is still indefinite. As he gets better his disposition gets worse. He is terribly cranky and irritated over insignificant trifles. Bassia is with him continuously and in justice it must be stated that she is doing everything possible for him and bears practically all of the strain of attending to a difficult patient.

This morning father showed for the first time a somewhat more cheerful disposition but I was just advised this afternoon that he has again become hysterical, although no turn for the worse seems to be apparent. Of course I see him several times a day, but under the circumstances I can hardly spend with him more than a few minutes each time. This seems to be his chief source of complaint - that he is abandoned by everybody, one son just visits him hastily and the other shows no sign of concern at all. I wish you did write to him, a few words. As a doctor you know yourself the pick-up value that a friendly word from you would have. With the least friendly gesture on our part he becomes so proud of his sons and it makes an enormous difference in his disposition. Why not give him a little of that?

With mails so irregular I would not be surprised if my previous letter did not reach you at all or with very much delay. I am therefore sending this air mail and trust to the consideration of our border censors. These poor devils must have an awful time reading a lot of personal mail and trying to find dangers.

Best regards

February 13th, 1942

Dear Gregory!

Your letter of the 2nd. crossed with mine
of the 4th. Here is another weekly report on
father's condition:

He is decidedly improving, uremic poisoning
is rapidly going down, he is regaining strength
in general. In another week it may be possible
to take him out of the hospital. Father's cheer
is returning, but of course he continues to have
his cranky spells. The least discomfort brings
back a drop of spirits, almost despondency.
The other day I had to go to Orizaba on business.
The old man acted as if he'd never seen me again.
Now that I came back he rose to holiday spirits,
especially when I told him of your letter, your
concern over him, your regrets over the impos-
sibility to see him, your hopes for his recovery.

You ask if there is anything you can do.
Yes, you can write the old man a few words direct.
The same words of cheer that you know when to use
and with good effect on your own patients. He
would be so proud to have a letter direct from
his older son, his spirits will feed on it for a
long time.

In addition, send him a check. It will
help a lot with hospital expenses, laboratory
fees, etc. The doctor presented no bill so far,
it may be only nominal in the end, because for
some reason the doctor seems to have taken most
unexpectedly a very warm human interest in father.
All the same, he has been seeing him twice a day
for nearly a month, helped him a lot. Meanwhile,
the expenses passed the hundred dollar mark
already.

The above is only an answer to your question.
Otherwise, we are of course doing here everything

Sunday, February 23rd, 1942

Dear Gregory- Thanks heaps for your direct note to the old man.

The kids' letters were charming and the check was
welcome, of course. All of which was quite comforting to father.

Yesterday morning father was operated. Frankly, I do not
quite understand the object or the nature of the operation. It appears
that Dr Lichtenberg found the old man improving so well that he thought
it advisable to just cut and auxiliary drain into the bladder, relieve
the temporarily the functioning of the normal urinating canal, then -
if all goes well - to return to normal. It appears that in this manner
Dr Lichtenberg hopes to put the old man on his feet for at least another
couple of years, without being burdened with a permanent catheter.

My description is probably clumsy from a medical stand-
point, but you will no doubt understand the situation. Anyway, the
old man was operated and is improving. Last night he had a very slight
temperature. This morning he dropped it rapidly. By noon his temperature
and pulse were entirely normal, and so they are to-night. Of course,
he is not comfortable. I fancy that no patient is comfortable the first
couple of days after an abdominal operation. The doctor saw him at
7 pm and expressed entire satisfaction with progress. Within another
couple of days he may let the old man sit up in the garden for a while,
and in another week let him go home altogether. This may be too much
to hope for, but the father's age does not seem to interfere with his
recuperative ability. Then, too, the weather is lovely now - bright
sun, clear skies and warm as in May at Pound Ridge. So may be with the
help of the doctor, the sun and father's robust constitution, we may
see the old man again happy and as wise as ever.

The other day I spoke with the doctor about the "Oekono-
mische Frage", as he put it. It was just before the operation, and it
was really necessary, what we were getting into. He understands our
situation and recognizes that whatever the amount of his fees, it would
be impossible for us to pay him all at once. He named the figure of
800 pesos (to-day approximately 160 dollars) and asked me whether I
considered it fair. I could only say that when I trust a doctor (as I
certainly do in this case), I do not question his fees. The charge
does not impress me as high, considering that it covers all attention
for four weeks before the operation, includes the latter and the fee
of two assisting physicians, also whatever care is required for another
week or two. So -- if you care to contribute, it will be very welcome.
Our resources are by now pretty much exhausted by the hospital, medicines
and now a night nurse.

When you tire of these reports, just tell me. If you
want more information, idem.

With best wishes to the family

About the old man. He is getting along fine. Apparently he is now
improving rapidly and well out of danger. Another blood analysis will
be made to-morrow. If satisfactory, he will be soon released from the
hospital. Of course, he is weakened a great deal and will continue on
his extremely strict diet of no proteins even at home. However, he
should gain strength on the sugar and vitamins which the doctor feeds
him. Sister, too, might be able to take better care of him at home.
She is pretty well worn out by 12 to 15 hours daily at the hospital.
The old man is not as cranky now as he was, although he still clings to
his perverse obsession as to bowel movements. This seems an old habit
of his, to go six times daily. In the hospital this is very trying for
those who have to take care of him, and even the doctor does not seem
to be able to talk him out of it. The old man's attitude on this subject
may be a familiar one to you in your own practice.

Babisia told me that she received thru Fera another 50 dollars from you. Thanks a lot. Don't rush any more for a while if pinched. The doctor knows that he will be paid in installments. He is not in any special need, as far as I know, and can afford to be patient. Of other expenses we'll take care of as best we can.

If you have a loose copy of your latest book, I would appreciate it - even if only as a loan. Five dollars is a lot of money these days for me and several other friends here who are interested to read it.

Please forget Hope's letter and her mother's rage. You might hear of it from Fera. Just disregard it and drop another line to the old man. He will be very grateful. I tell him all the time that I hear from you often, that you inquire etc., but a few words from you direct have a decidedly curative effect.

Now that the old man is recovering, you may not hear from me very often. I am rather loaded up now with some work in connection with cultural interchange, and the outlook is for ever lesser rest. This is little indeed, compared to the trying life of others - where the various Romes burn ever more fiercely.

Regards to all

MARCH 2, 1942

MR. JAMES ZILBOORG,
APARTADO POSTAL 8-B1S,
MEXICO, D. F.

DEAR JAMES:

VERY MANY THANKS FOR YOUR LAST REPORT ON FATHER'S CONDITION. I UNDERSTAND FROM YOUR BRIEF DESCRIPTION WHAT KIND OF AN OPERATION WAS PERFORMED. IT IS A STANDARD PROCEDURE IN MANY CASES OF THIS KIND. IT IS, OF COURSE, NOT A CURATIVE PROCEDURE BUT PALLIATIVE. THE REASON WHY THEY DECIDE AT TIMES ON THIS PALLIATIVE IS MERELY THE FACT THAT THE PATIENT IS TOO OLD AND THEREFORE UNABLE TO STAND THE SURGICAL REMOVAL OF THE CAUSE ITSELF.

I SHALL DO MY BEST TO HELP OUT WITH THE EXPENSES YOU MENTIONED. I JUST SENT FIRA ANOTHER CHECK FOR FIFTY DOLLARS TO BE TRANSMITTED TO FATHER. A SHORT WHILE AGO I RECEIVED A RATHER INSOLENT LETTER FROM HOPE. SHE CHOSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF THE FIRST CHECK IN A MANNER RATHER UNSEEMLY AND PROVOKING. I USUALLY PAY NO ATTENTION TO ANY OF THESE PERFORMANCES IN WHICH LACK OF TACT VIES ONLY WITH STUPIDITY, BUT I DO NOT ENJOY THEM AND I PREFER THAT THE GOOD WILL OF THE POST-OFFICE DEPARTMENT BE LEFT UNABUSED. CONSEQUENTLY I WROTE TO HER IN THE HOPE THAT AT LEAST THIS TYPE OF CORRESPONDENCE WILL BE PROMPTLY BROUGHT TO A WELCOME TERMINATION.

I INTENDED TO SEND YOU A COPY OF THIS LETTER; I WILL LOOK UP THE MATTER AND IF YOU DID NOT RECEIVE ONE I SHALL ENCLOSE IT IN THIS LETTER. DON'T SPEND ANY TIME OR ENERGY ON DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT - IT IS MERELY FOR YOUR INFORMATION.

IN THE MEANTIME PLEASE KEEP ME INFORMED ABOUT FATHER'S CONDITION, AND, WHILE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE IF I MAKE THIS SUGGESTION: YOUR FINAL LINE "WHEN YOU TIRE OF THESE REPORTS, JUST TELL ME" IS OUT OF PLACE. YOU KNOW IT. I KNOW IT. SUCH LITERARY TURNS OF PHRASE ADD NOTHING TO THE GOOD WILL OF THE WRITER OR THAT OF THE RECIPIENT AND DO BELIE AN UNNECESSARY PETULANCE IN THE MIDST OF A VERY HUMAN SITUATION.

BEST REGARDS AND WISHES TO ALL.

April 20th, 1842

Dear Gregory:

How time runs! It's been weeks since I last reported on father's health. He is getting on quite well - that is, considering his age etc. The doctor now permitted a somewhat richer diet - a little meat, fish etc. He was pretty tired of the monotonous diet of cereals and sugar for several months. The old man walks out in the sun each day for a while, meets some of his friends, but continues grouchy at home as usual.

I have misplaced the negative of the snapshot I sent you. If I find it in the office, shall gladly send it to you. Do you still find time for photography?

If you can spare a few dollars again, send it to father. He can well use it now.

Natalie told us she wrote you about President Henderson of Antioch College. He is a very fine person, and you know that I think very highly of Antioch. If you have been able to assist Henderson with an introduction to the Marshall Field Foundation, you have done a good deed. Henderson will appreciate it a lot. So will I, and I know that both Natalie and Edward will feel very happy over it. Antioch is doing excellent work and its support is especially important under present conditions.

There is a bare possibility that I shall be in New York early in June. Shall I stop with you?

How is the farm? And Ray, and the kids?

Kindest to all

BUTTERFIELD
8-0044

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M. D.

May 27, 1942

Dear James:

I was away attending several medical meetings and was unable to answer your last letter sooner. Sorry. Thank you very much for sending me the negative of father. I might be able to make use of it.

How is father now? His doctor wrote me about what was done -- the letter confirmed what I had suspected, as I wrote you before. There was and is nothing else to do.

About the possibility of your coming here in June. We shall be very happy to see you. I can't tell you anything definite about where you could stay while in New York. The apartment will be closed and you are always welcome to stay on the farm, of course. On the other hand, gas rationing makes it impossible to use the car for commuting to the City or taking one daily to Stamford to the train. Something could be worked out, I suppose. Let me hear from you soon -- about Father and about your plans.

I heard that Eugenia's father died. He was quite old, of course. Was he in Palestine?

Cordial regards to all.

Mr. James Zilboorg,
Apartado 8-bis,
Mexico D.F.,
Mexico.

BUTTERFIELD
8-0044

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M. D.

July 6, 1942

Dear James:

It took me a long time before I was able to reach
your letter for a reply. I have been rather busy.

I understand that Fira has gone to Mexico. Unfortunately, I was unable to see her before she left.

How is Father? Of course, the temporary operation that was performed on him was absolutely necessary to save his life. Not knowing specifically what condition he is in, I am not fully certain that the more radical operation for which he is scheduled is advisable. We shall see. At best, these operations at such an age are palliative, even though radical ones. I am wondering whether you could keep me informed even a little bit more regularly now about Father's condition.

There is nothing special I could report about myself. The international situation weighs heavily on one's mind, and I suppose we all share the uncertainties and the insecurities which these crises impose upon people.

I am sorry to hear that your plans for coming for a brief visit to the United States were abandoned. Incidentally, do you happen to know where Siqueiros is now, what he is doing, and what his address is?

Regards to all.

Mr. James M. Zilboorg,
Apartado 8-bis,
México, D.F.,
MEXICO.

CALLE DE GANTE NUM. 4

MEXICO, D. F.

APARTADO BIS

SIRVASE CITAR
PLEASE QUOTE

July 6th, 1942

CORREO AEREO
AIR MAIL

Dear Gregory:

The old man was operated again this morning. While the operation in the nature of circumstances was apparently quite difficult, as far as we can judge it was very successful. The doctor removed the prostate and hopes that when the wound healing Father will be well again, making allowance for his age.

The operation was performed this morning and when I saw Father at noon he appeared under considerable nervous strain. While he had no fever and his pulse was normal, he was shivering. This is probably the natural reaction after the wearing off of the anaesthetic. That was local.

Shall write you again of Father's condition by the end of the week if all goes well, as the doctor expects.

July 16th, 1942

Dear Gregory:

Here is a hasty note on receipt of yours of
the 6th. Father is improving. It is now nearly
two weeks after his operation. The doctor says
progress is as expected, the rest depends upon the
fates, as you say. At Father's age miracles can
hardly be expected. Unpleasant surprises are more
in order. For instance: a blood analysis of a few
days ago showed a substantial rise in uric acid
content. It was a bit lower before the operation.
A week after that it appeared surprising even to
the doctor.

Yesterday Father began to receive some light
nourishment. He continues to receive glucose
injections, now in rising amounts. These appeared
to have been most effective when the urtic
poisoning was at its worst. Of course, the old
man is fearfully weakened. He frequently gets
moody.

Fira is here, but we have been seeing each
other only casually so far. Between office,
hospital and the dozen jobs I can carrying, little
time is available for leisurely visits.

I do not know where Siqueiros is now, nor
what he is doing. Neither have I cared much in
recent years. What everybody knows is that he is
doing little painting, if any, and it mostly in
shady politics. I once told him that he seemed
to me to be an excellent salesman of questionable
goods. He took it smilingly, which may also be
indicative of the character of the man.

It may yet be possible that I would come
up North late next month. Shall let you know in
advance.

Best regards to all

July 23, 1942

Dear James:

I do hope father is sufficiently recovered now to begin to feel a little less nervous and more cheerful. From your two brief reports, it seems clear to me that his operation was in all respects successful. While it is a major surgical procedure, it is very seldom performed on younger or even middle aged people; only old and very old men are in need of it, and usually they bear the ordeal well and recover soundly, particularly when it is done in two stages the way it was done with father. I would like very much to hear more from you about father and about things in general. How is Fira? I will appreciate your asking her to write to me.

The summer has reached its midpoint and it seems nearly over for me. It will be impossible for me to take a holiday this year, and to use the expression of a late friend of mine, I just have to keep on keeping on.

Best regards to all.

Mr. James M. Zilboorg,
Apartado 8-bis,
Mexico D.F.,
Mexico.

PARTADO POSTAL
NUM. 8 BIS

CALLE DE GANTE NUM. 4

MEXICO, D. F.

August 12th, 1942

AIR MAIL

Dear Gregory:

Your delayed letter finally arrived, just as I was
going to write you anyway. There is not much to report in the
way of news about Father. He is slowly gaining strength.
This morning he was able for the first time to get down from
his bed and back without help. He feels rightly proud of the
accomplishment.

All the same, the recovery is slow. It is the
third month now since Father was operated and the doctor
does not seem to hold out any promise that the old man will
soon be on his feet again. External indications point to a
considerable reduction in the uremic poisoning, however, A
new blood analysis will be made shortly. Meanwhile Father
is held to a very strict diet and is pretty weak. So is the
rest of the family, for that matter, with their limited resources.

Fira is well. Her usual good sense, I suspect, is
her main asset - and quality. But the continuous hospital
atmosphere is obviously trying on her. Bassia is decidedly in
shreds from the strain of looking after Father, and her daughter
continues disgustingly lazy and presumptuous. Fira and I spent
a couple of evenings discussing this useless and hopeless
subject. Neither of us can understand how in times like these
such a brat cannot do at least some useful social work, if she
"cannot" find remunerative employment to help even a little with
the heavy burden.

Otherwise we all carry on as best we can, just as you
do. On this side of the waters it hardly would be fitting for
us to complain of burdens.

Best regards to all

P.S. Vera had a baby girl in Aguascalientes and I hear that
all is well there.

APARTADO POSTAL
NUM. 8 BIS

CALLE DE GANTE NUM. 4

MEXICO, D. F.

August 24th, 1942.

Dear Gregory:

Your propensity for offensive remarks inclines one little to maintain any correspondence with you. But I am willing to disregard your rhetoric and take you at your word that you want to know about Father and his illness.

Fera left two days ago and Father took it a bit hard, which was natural at his age and in his condition. However, he seemed to recover from the shock of her departure too rapidly to be comforting. He is in a peculiar state of apathy. It is not just weariness of age and long illness. He shows some difficulty of coordination - both action and speech, especially the latter. While not apparently lacking in strength, he cannot hold the spoon or fork straight, although making an obvious effort to do so. His speech is at times unintelligible and he gives the impression that he has something definite to say, but cannot find the right words to complete the sentence or that the tongue won't obey.

The wounds from both operations healed very well and there is hardly any sign of the cuts. Incontinence continues, perhaps slightly decreasing. The last blood analysis was normal in all respects except for a little excess of urea, although this may be the most significant factor. The doctor prescribed a somewhat richer diet and certain medications (vitamins, principally), but the effect is not noticeable.

Is it that the old man's time has come? Perhaps. Or has the removal of the prostate caused such violent disturbance in the mental condition and, if so, is it passing, or a rapid descent to pitiful senility? This is a field of your competence, not mine. The old man has always been of such a clear mind. It is a pity that after months of effort and strain, the outlook should be so disheartening. I cannot boast of having done much for the old man, but Bassia has my sympathy. I cannot dismiss her attention nor Father's condition with the same light aloofness which you display. You don't know local conditions - hospital and otherwise - and many of your remarks are gratuitous. This, of course, is entirely apart from the utter uselessness of Hope. Only she is of no interest at the moment to either Fera or myself, and should not be to you. No one can make something out of nothing.

Best regards,

cc. EL

APARTADO POSTAL
NUM. 8 BIS

CALLE DE GANTE NUM. 4

MEXICO, D. F.

September 7th, 1942

AIR MAIL

Dear Gregory:

A hasty note on Father's condition. Since I last wrote you, just two weeks ago, he has become decidedly worse. His coordination and controls are very low yet, but he seems to understand everything that is told him. We called in a neurologist, a famous Spanish specialist, who has been here for a couple of years. He diagnosed the case as one of possible deficiency in the blood circulation, especially in the upper left side of the head. He suggested another blood analysis, very strict limitation to vegetarian diet and stimulants for the circulatory system (Goramine injections).

That was last Saturday, or only 48 hours ago. Yesterday afternoon Father seemed to suffer from bad headaches, but could not express his complaint. To-day the blood analysis was turned in and it shows some uremia, which the doctor does not consider alarming. This afternoon Father showed a slight reaction towards the better. The neurologist says that, while the case is quite complicated by many factors, he would not consider it impossible that a definite improvement should occur in the next three days. From what I understand, this would depend upon whether the deficient circulation around the brain cells is due to a definite sclerosis or a spasmotic condition caused by the uremia.

I hope you will not find the above description too confusing, but ignorant as I am in matters medical, I can hardly do any better.

Best regards

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M.D.

September 8, 1942

Dear James:

Last night I heard from Fira of her trip to Mexico, and then I tried as dispassionately as I could to look over my last letter to you. You found in it offensive remarks, rhetorics, etc. I am sorry. I am truly pained that you are quick to read into my words only something offensive and rhetorical. After all, this singular emotional attitude has existed for almost thirty years and I doubt whether it could be remedied much as I would wish to see human beings -- all human beings -- more tolerant, less sensitive to small things, and more responsive to actual human problems. I think that it would be easier for you in many respects if you considered yourself and myself strangers, two people who just don't happen to know one another and who don't particularly need to know one another. Strangers can afford to, it is even imperative that they, be polite and overlook one another's singularities; and whenever they happen to be thrown together, they should attend to the business at hand -- with dispassionate civility and simple directness.

I have no reproaches to make and no advice to offer. As a physician, I might have felt that I might have been consulted in advance -- not because I am a son, but because I am a son who happens to be a physician. I don't mean to say that what was done with Father was wrong. It was not. I merely wish to say that I know many people in the medical profession and have many good friends in the medical profession both in the USA and all over Central and South America. Not being at present able to be of financial help, I could at least have been helpful in that Father could have been treated as the father of a colleague, and this might not only have reduced the expenses but also considerable family frictions. As I have already said, I have no reproaches to make except perhaps regret at the fact that for a time you refused to give me the name of Father's physician and consequently I failed to establish with him the necessary professional contact in time.

But all this is water over the dam. If Father had been examined by a neurologist as I wanted to suggest before his first operation, it would have been disclosed then that he suffered from a considerable amount of cerebral arteriosclerosis, the premonitory signs of which I observed in him a few years ago when I saw him last. The incontinence, for instance, from which he suffers now is most probably due not so much to his bladder condition as to a mild stroke which he must have had unbeknown to himself, and to others. Such strokes are very frequent. His tendency to cry, his deep changes of mood, mild states of absence, the thing which appears to the uninitiated outsider as mild mental confusion (it is actually what is called a motor aphasia -- a typical disturbance of speech) -- all these things are due to various tiny but potent brain injuries which are typical of certain older people despite the fact that their blood pressure remains normal, or even low. I don't know what Father's blood pressure is now, but I would guess that it must be (the systolic one) between 120-140.

All this means, (1) that he will not be with us for very long, for one does not recover from these things, and (2) that he ought to be treated as an invalid, a very old man who is about to die. The unfortunate aspect of all this is that the process might prove a lingering, very slow one instead of sudden or rapid. This necessitates care, understanding, quiet, composure, tolerance, considerateness, patience. How the environment in which he lives would provide him with all this I do not know; there is too much volatility, irascibility, tense self-assertive "I told you so" and peremp-

ZILBOORG, M. D.

-2-

tory smallness of mind. The pity of it all is that I would love to see him close his eyes in peace. I am not sentimental about such matters, but I am human and no more than anyone else do I visualize or witness someone's death with cold equanimity. And I am also a son. But while all these human frailties beset my mind as much as anyone's else when he looks into the approaching shadow of death, I don't feel it is a tragedy. I am not horrified by it and feel little sympathy for those who don't treat it with dignity and poise and humble yet proud surrender to that which is but the natural end of all things, preordained and forever established and happily not reversible. So when I think of Father now, I think: there is an old man who has lived his life. He could have been killed in any of the pogroms or during the revolution. He survived and came to Mexico. There he founded the first Jewish Synagogue and the first Jewish consecrated burial grounds in which he and his brethren wished to have their remains rest. There is a bit of melancholy poetry in it: there is a humble justice and spiritual consolation in it. He should die in peace. If it were possible to remove him to some quiet place, where the sun would beat in his window and where a good simple person could attend to his few needs and just keep him physically clean (he will need this care increasingly more), it would be very good. Whatever is done, if you could step in with full authority and force and insist on peace and quiet, you will have done a good and even great thing, I assure you.

It is offensive to his dignity -- which he always kept with such humble straightforwardness -- it is disgusting, to hear complaints of how hard this or that one works, how hard it all is on this or that. No superhuman efforts are required. He cannot be rejuvenated, he cannot be saved, but he should be made to feel no one around him carries on with that manner of ostentatious tragedy which is offensive to the living and sacrilegious to the dying.

Whether it is too late to do something practically, I do not know. I hope it is not.

I don't know whether at this distance I can be of any service. The trouble is that the whole family has been a family but in name for so many years that to try to mend it now when it is coming to its natural end is a hopeless and thankless task, and it requires someone of a different fiber and of different interests. To salvage and to save is a wonderful thing only when it concerns the living. The dead must be permitted to bury the dead in accordance with the ancient Biblical injunction.

It is not necessary, James, to wait for a man's last breath to become solemn and to pay tribute to him. To pay tribute to a corpse is an old, barbaric tradition which our civilization has not learned to overcome. It would be much nicer if we could understand that what we call the end is not the end at all, but a tenuous flicker of something purely external. The real end is imperceptible but certain, and I would wish to think that it was met with dignity and even welcomed with that solemnity and simplicity which our Father deserves and of which I wish they were all capable.

Do let me hear from you soon.

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M. D.

BUTTERFIELD
8-0044

September 15, 1942

Dear James:

Your letter of the seventh of September just reached me. It
must have crossed with mine which you must have received by
now. From the latter you will see that I foresaw more or
less the course of Father's present illness. What is that
neurologist's name? I am afraid it is unwise to spend the
money on or to subject Father to the discomfort of any de-
tailed neurological examination. Such examinations at this
phase don't even satisfy the curiosity of the neurologist,
because not even God could determine the metaphysical ques-
tion of vascular spasm or no vascular spasm, and even if one
knew exactly the situation, there is absolutely no treatment
for this condition. The injection business is the queer
tradition of Spanish, a goodly part of Spanish American, and
French medicine -- the so-called "piqures." Foolish and un-
kind to the sick, expensive for the healthy.

There is no doubt now in my mind that Father suffers from
the condition which I tentatively described to you in my
last letter and peace would be the best treatment for him.

Best regards,

APARTADO POSTAL
NUM. 8 BIS

CALLE DE GANTE NUM. 4

MEXICO, D. F.

September 21st, 1942

Dear Gregory:

Your two latest letters are before me and I am sorry that it
was not possible for me to answer you before.

Father hangs on. His tenacity is amazing. Two weeks ago, had I seen him as he is to-day, I would have had the illusion that he was improving. Since then I have reduced a bit my medical ignorance. It seems clear now that, but for a miracle, Father's life is just in a flicker. The neurologist to whom I first referred was Dr. Gonzalo Lafora, now head of a very important psychiatric clinic in Mexico. We happen to have some close mutual friends and in this manner I was able to obtain for Father the benefit of an examination and I talked with Lafora several times since then. I also discussed the situation with another psychiatrist who is expected to go to New York shortly. He is an intelligent young doctor and a friendly person. He explained to me a number of points on Father's condition which I only vaguely appreciated before. It seems an obvious case of motor aphasia in all its complicated manifestations. All the doctors with whom I consulted have been exceedingly kind to me in giving me their time and attention, and their charges have been negligible. You need not feel that a mistake was made here by not consulting you before. No money would have been saved on that account.

You say that you wanted to suggest consulting a neurologist before the first operation. Why didn't you? You knew that I am only an engineer and could not possibly think in such terms until the evidence of stress was all too clear. And even had we done so, it seems doubtful that we could have helped the old man. His age has done to him the same as old age has done to the "One hoss shay". If you and I reach 82, we too could not avoid the same fate.

You object to injections as traditional "piques". You may be right in general, but there seems hardly any doubt that the coramine injections have resulted in more frequent flickers of clearer speech, some reduction in the paralysis of the left arm. To-day Father built up a couple of almost complete sentences, spoke with definitely greater vigor. Do you think the same flickers would occur without the heart stimulants? Or would you consider it proper to stop them just because we all recognize that they are only stimulants and not permanent correctives? I do not know what the immediate consequences would be of stopping coramine, but I cannot assume the responsibility of going against Lafora and the others.

There is no point in discussing your first letter, since we are in perfect accord as to - shall we call them philosophical? - considerations. A review of the files might show that I wrote exactly in the same vein several times in recent years. Consequently we are not informing each other of anything new. We both accept as old "facts" that Columbus discovered America and that horses

APARTADO POSTAL
NUM. 8 BIS

CALLE DE GANTE NUM. 4

MEXICO, D. F.

"feed on hay". We are also entirely in agreement that peace would be preferable for Father to the agony he is going through. Only was it Averchenko or his amusing side-kick who used the expression that occurs to me now: "but que-faire? faire-to-que?". Surely neither you as physician, nor I as layman, nor both of us as sons would find the correct practical answer.

Facetious remarks may be in ill grace under the circumstances, but you have probably committed the same sin in the anatomical ward or during your interneship, after the first shock of facing death and agony wore off. It inevitably does and Allah be praised that it is so. Else, you, physician, would be good for nothing.

Yes, my dear man, Father is at the end of the journey at 82 and you and I at 50 plus have not yet learned the art of good manners to each other. Each, of course, prefers to believe that the other alone is at fault. I, at least, have the satisfaction of having looked at matters in a simpler way. I know my limitations all too well - to have pretensions of any sort. You are evidently too much under strain in your professional work. I can hardly be of help to you in that. If I could, believe me I would be only too happy to do so. You know I wish you well.

October 9, 1942

Dear James:

Your last letter arrived yesterday. What you tell me about Father is interesting. The picture he presents is one of those paradoxical phenomena which are more or less frequent in such cases. The brain cells and pathways are more elastic at times than we are apt to believe. There is no doubt that the changing picture of the motor aphasia, being more conspicuous, crowds out the less obvious signs of a partial sensory aphasia, which might explain his inability to read. His spells of crying are rather typical. They are known under the name of emotional lability, which is found in cases of cerebral arteriosclerosis and senescence. It is natural to feel encouraged and cheered by the change which Father has shown recently -- it is dramatic and releases a great deal of tension in those about the patient who cannot otherwise communicate with him. At this distance, it would be foolish for me to give any advice at all, but I was rather surprised to hear you describe Father's attempt to get up for half a minute, because as a rule, which is rather strict, after a severe paralytic stroke of this kind, absolute quiet, almost motionless quiet, is required.

I wish I had time and the ability to describe to you in a moderately long letter the actual emotional condition of Father. One should guard one's self against interpreting Father's reactions in terms of our normal reactions. When Father mentions me, it is most probably a sort of automatic reverberation of past impressions and thoughts which are not integrated with his present at all. He is apt to confuse others with me as he does it with you. His emotional reactions at present are rather fragmentary and it will be easier on your own feelings if you bear this in mind and you don't take all his expressions literally. I know it is hard when one is a son, and particularly when one is not a psychiatrist. And even then, it is painful to see one's personality disintegrate and act like a cracked phonograph record which reproduces fragments only. These fragments still mean to us the whole song, but it is no more a whole song on the record.

I am sorry I have no reprints of the Free World issue with the symposium you have in mind. If I do succeed in obtaining a couple, I shall send them on to you.

As to Fira -- things seem to be all right now.

As always,

Mr. James Zilboorg,
Apartado Postal Num. 8 Bis,
Mexico D.F.,
MEXICO.

November 2nd, 1942

Dear Gregory- our old man finally gave up the stuggle. Saturday after midnight, after an agony of nearly eighteen hours, he gave his last breath. You said weeks ago that peace would be best for him. We all said that - and kept on doing what was possible to keep him alive, hoping for miracles. Could any one do differently?

After I wrote you last, father seemed to have been regaining his lost strength slowly. It was no miracle, just a tough constitution - and a final flicker. About ten days ago I was out of town for a few days. A relapse occurred. He struggled with some desires he had difficulty to express, but he seems to have been calling for you or me, or both of us. Two days later I returned. Father was calm again, his speech was again confused, his eyes did not show any more the accustomed glow at seeing me or the children. Friday he still could sit up a bit in bed, but answered only with nods or a motion of the left hand. Saturday morning he closed his eyes about 8 am, never to open them again. Twelve hours later he showed some efforts to open them, but never succeeded. That day it was obviously useless to torture him with injections or the like. We left him in peace, only watching his agony.

Father was made of a tough fiber. He surely yielded slowly. The heart was pumping at the rate of 140 all day, respiration - nearly 60 per minute for many hours. Only about two hours before the end, pulse dropped to 60 and breathing slowed down. Then the end.

With all the reasoning about his age (83) and condition, it was painful to see the old man go. The pain grew rather sharp when at the grave honor was rendered to him by his old friends. There was a multitude of them and there was an astounding depth of grief expressed by many. I suppose many funeral orations are trite. Here, at least three persons evidently spoke sincerely and with deep emotion. I knew father was always busy with some public affairs, but I never knew how many he was engaged in until yesterday when tribute was paid to his remarkable energy, his amazing versatility. He seems to have created all that was functioning now in the life of the Jewish community in Mexico. His stern and difficult character was openly mentioned, but all recognized that his seeming hardness was his refusal to accept anything less than perfection, his scorn of vanity, his impatience with superficiality. All recognized father's leadership to a degree of which I was not even aware.

Can we pretend that we are living up to the standards which our old man set for himself? And it may be worth reflecting on the fact that father had nothing of the preacher in him - certainly not to us in the last 20 - 30 years. He was quite a philosopher. And a builder of striking endurance.

Well, Gregory, this is the first crack in our family. Which next? Or, does it make any difference? Please show this letter to Fira and tell her to forgive my not writing her direct. I am trying to think out some plan of establishing a fitting memorial for father. Perhaps you and Fira will join me, after I can figure out a scheme and get my own thoughts in order. There is time for that. - The women folk are pretty well down, of course.
Good night!

November 16, 1942

Dear James:

I was away when your letter telling of Father's death arrived. While your long silence puzzled me, the news was not unexpected. To watch the whole thing from afar was not a little melancholy, but I imagine easily the atmosphere there and I am sorry to say that my presence there would not have alleviated anybody's feelings. People don't know how to make peace with death and people of the order of Mother and our sister know not the greatness of death any more than the depth of life.

Vixit. And in his way he lived well. He lived his own life despite the fact that he was surrounded by strangers in his own family. He was close to no one of them, because no one of them was close to him, or even suspected that there was anything to him. He found his way in life despite so many odds and he found his way out of life with considerable dignity. I fully understand your emotions and perhaps regret a little that I find myself not fully able to share them -- because in many respects, except possibly for his partially ritualistic propensities, I am like Father and going my way I am neither too happy about life nor too perplexed about death. To penetrate its mystery is beyond our ken, to combat it, beyond our sinew.

That is why I would counsel you, if I may, not to wonder about this "first crack in our family" and not ask yourself - which next? - as you do. It may be I and it may be you and perhaps Bassia (most probably) - or anybody - at any time. Those of us, physicians and public men, who sat behind the barricades or in the trenches are not very impressed with death. There is the natural anxiety about one's life coming to an end, but this has nothing to do with actual facts of life and death. It is like the natural, silent, and anxious gasp when one reaches a great height. This does not prevent one from climbing high mountains or buildings. All these things just happen and happen they will without change like a sunset or a sunrise -- and no feelings or such barbarities as solemn funerals will ever propitiate the straight, calm, and inexorable rhythm of coming and going.

A fitting memorial for Father? A natural and kind thought - but I wonder whether the very best memorial is not the living itself, which is a short lived memorial indeed and yet longer lived than any formal commemoration.

Somehow, I am unable to rid myself of the awareness that Father's death was the most natural and simple thing. It was drawn out a bit, to be sure - this could not be prevented. The world as it stands just now does not offer much opportunity or reason for grief about death. For is it not by death that the world is living today? And is it not by death that it is trying to save its life? This is just how it is and shall be.

Best wishes,

P.S. I shall look forward to the appearance of Dr. Mario Fuentes.

APARTADO POSTAL
NUM. 5 BIS

CALLE DE GANTE NUM. 4

MEXICO, D. F.

December 15th, 1942

Dr. Gregory Zilboorg
14 East 75th Street
New York City, N.Y.

Dear Gregory:

The enclosed bulletin may be of interest to you, if you care to struggle through the Spanish. The author of the book is a young Spanish scholar recently awarded a fellowship for graduate study at Columbia in psychology. He is due to report at New York about January 10th. If you care to meet him some day, you will be able to locate him through the University or the Institute of International Education, our cooperating agency in New York.

Dr. Nicol read my copy of your recent book with great interest and will no doubt be glad to meet you. Only he is rather shy and is not likely to take the initiative in looking you up. Otherwise he is a very pleasant and cultured person. The author of the review is another friend of mine, also Spanish and professor of philosophy in the University of Mexico, a brilliant scholar indeed. I have hopes of getting him an exchange professorship in U.S.A. some day, but that is somewhat complicated.

The family is pretty much adjusted to the passing of Father. Not quite so myself. All sorts of thoughts go through the head in the nights that more often than not seem so long. It is not any fear of going, but rather the possible ways thereof. You say that with your professional experience you are no longer impressed with death. Only, you see, I am neither in the profession nor have I had much experience. In any event, philosophical reflections can do no harm to me or anyone else.

At this time Eugenia and the children are at Cuernavaca. This is the children's period of long vacation and we took a house there for a month. I shall be week-ending with them. Before the year's end we expect Natalie and Edward to join us. They may remain in Mexico for some months. Edward's health has been worrying us all in recent weeks. Obviously they over-worked and Edward was not in condition to "take it". I have been tempted to write you and ask for advice, as health matters are your field, not mine. Only I always hesitate to trouble you for fear of provoking one of those peculiar attitudes of yours, so incomprehensible to me. Then, besides, what can even a physician do across 3500 miles of space?

My sincerest wishes that 1943 may end not only as a year, but also as a tragic era. May it be as happy for you and Ray and the children as we can hope for under the circumstances.

As ever

December 23, 1942

Dear James:

I will be very glad to meet Eduardo Nicol, and I would naturally prefer that he get in touch with me at his convenience. General psychologists are rather remote in relation to psychiatrists and they are closer to philosophers. If you happen to write to Nicol tell him that I look forward to seeing him, and in the meantime I will make a note to get in touch with him and I hope to be able to do so in a month or so. January is going to be a rather crowded month for me, because in addition to my regular commitments I will be reading galley proofs of my new book to be issued by Harcourt Brace.

About your thoughts and long nights -- I am not surprised. This is a rather natural and almost universal reaction. It might prove helpful to you to consider the fact in its proper light. Those thoughts of which you speak are a form of what is technically called "death anxiety," although subjectively one may not perceive any anxiety at all. It is what is known technically as *Die Trauerarbeit*, and it works itself through. The insomnia is, however, physically depleting and does no one any good. Any medicinal remedies to induce sleep are to be avoided, except those which are excreted out of the body as soon as you wake up. There are extremely few of these. The best is Seconal. You take a capsule of the larger size (they come in two sizes) -- 1 1/2 grains (American measure) and go to bed. Do not read anything before retiring, or talk, for this would either delay or completely wear off the action of the drug. You fall asleep easily and simply and when you wake up in the morning the whole drug is eliminated with the first urination. You may feel slightly sleepy (commonly called "dopy") for an hour or so after waking, but you should pay no attention to it. The feeling wears off rapidly, leaving a sense of serene relaxation in its wake.

To return to the question of your thoughts -- it is difficult to tell all there is to be said about them in a letter. Perhaps the best thing to say is this: The fundamental nature of these thoughts is one of disintegration and suffering; they are unavoidable, and it is better not to avoid them by artificial means. After the *Trauerarbeit* is completed, one is psychologically stronger, if one has not attempted to struggle against them.

I am very sorry to hear about Edward. I presume that he has Tbc. There is little to be done by way of medication. As a matter of fact, medications should be avoided. Rest, complete rest, sunshine, and regular, very regular, eating -- and eating a lot. There is no antidote against the bacillus itself except complete reinforcement of the organism which checks the micro-organism. Of course, one ought to have a periodic check-up, by X-Ray and otherwise, in order to make certain what the status of the lesion or of the process is. I presume that it is a case of pulmonary tuberculosis, of course. I know of no one in Mexico City, but assume that there are good men. Of these I would prefer a Mexican and *not* a European physician. The Mexicans know the manner in which the bacillus behaves in their climate, the Europeans do not; moreover, the Mexicans are also acquainted with American methods of management of such cases but the Europeans are not. American methods of dealing with Tbc are by far superior to any of the European ones. If there is anything else you wish to know and that you think I might help you with, please write me.

APARTADO POSTAL
NUM. 6 B15

TELEFON
MEXICANA L-80-2
ERICSSON 18-04-20

CALLE DE GANADERIA NUM. 44 BOLIVAR #21
MEXICO, D. F.

AIR MAIL

March 6th, 1943

Dear Gregory:

Remember Pauline Lahm? A close friend of the family, for many years technician at Cowdray Hospital in Mexico City - X-rays, laboratory tests, etc. She is in a very low state, for which please read attached papers. The unsigned sheet is Pauline's own report, just written. For some strange reason neither report mentions that the probable cause of the illness is her long work with X-ray equipment without adequate protection. She seems to have exhausted the local medical possibilities, but unscrupulous quacks are of course always at hand. Pauline is anxious to consult some specialists in the States, but is uncertain as to where to go - Mayo Clinic? New York? Would you care to give an advice? The case seems to fall into the field of neurology, not far from yours. I would so much like to have you take an interest in this case and would be grateful for advice.

Pauline is not wealthy, but can meet all reasonable medical expense. I would not expect you to make any charges for obvious reasons and you probably would not think of it yourself anyway. For herself Pauline does not wish anything free.

Forgive my not answering your letter of December in which you expressed interest in Edward's health and gave very sound advice. So many other problems claimed my attention that all mail was sidetracked. Then, Edward's case is amazingly more encouraging than any one of us thought. He is under the care of Dr. Alarcón, a Mexican chest specialist of great reputation, a former Guggenheim fellow and director of the largest and most modern T.B. hospital in Mexico completed only about a year ago. Alarcón found Edward's X-ray films not nearly as alarming as Dr. Wolverton did in Dayton. He repeats his examinations every fortnight and finds a slow improvement all the time. Several analyses have been made of sputum, stomach wash and no Koch bacillus found yet. Wolverton apparently was convinced of the advisability of a pneumothorax operation at once. Alarcón does not think it at all necessary, with the healing process he observes. The findings of Mayo Clinic of some two years ago - asthma - are confirmed by Alarcón and this seems to have some relation to the rapid recovery. Of course Edward rests a great deal, eats very well, enjoys the sunshine all the time. His character helps him a lot. He is well poised, good humored and very intelligent. He spends his waking hours reading, has learned a great deal of Spanish.

When I am home, we enjoy the atmosphere the youngsters are creating there. Only I am not much with them. Too many other things to do. You wrote about "death anxiety" and the greater psychological strength after it is completed. Well, I suppose that it is completed in my case, but other concerns create enough disturbance to interfere with psychological recovery. The truth perhaps is that I haven't much time to sleep and a good bit of that time goes on thinking planning. I have my hands full with my Institute and too many idiots to fight off. Its amazing how many

people with Ph.D.'s after their names are more concerned with statistical showings than with serious work. And a good many such are in positions of control. I have never been good at politics anyway, so I often lose poise. This should be enough to bother you with. Please write me soon about Pauline. Heaps of thanks in advance.

March 15, 1943

Dear James:

Your letter about Miss Lahm just reached me. I do not remember her at all and I wish I knew how old she is. The description of her symptoms gives a rather definite picture. It is not lues; nor is it in any way connected with her X-Ray work. Many people, including medical men, are unable to admit to themselves that there are things in this world the cause of which is unknown -- totally unknown. We know the facts, we have seen a number of cases thus afflicted, we understand what happens, we even know how that which happens happens, but we just don't know why. We then call it a constitutional disease, which is true enough, but explains little if anything. The case of Miss Lahm is typical and sad. Since no one knows the cause of this disease, not even any presumable cause, no one knows any way of treating it effectively. There just is not any treatment for it. It is a progressive degeneration of the muscle fibers which stop being muscle fibers. The muscles of the extremities are affected first. Some time the arms are affected first, some time the legs. The nerve strands which are responsible for keeping the muscles muscles degenerate and with the advancement of this process the patient is unable to lift anything, even his or her limbs. Judging from the fact that she must dress herself in a supine position, one must conclude that the degenerative process is pretty far advanced. It is a disease of the central nervous system involving segment after segment of the spinal cord. It is difficult to say with certainty whether in this particular case we deal with a progressive atrophy of the muscles without involvement of the spinal cord or with an involvement of the latter as the chief source of the trouble. I am inclined to this last point of view, because any other forms of this disease usually begin at an early period of life and have other features which Miss Lahm does not or does not apparently have.

At any rate, whatever the "scientific" aspect of the trouble is, the general course is unfortunately progressive and the progress cannot be arrested. I am afraid that it is my fate to have you ask me medical questions to which there is only a very pessimistic answer. There are a great many things in medicine which we know how to recognize but have never learned to control. This is one of these diseases and the prognosis is hopeless. While it is always unpleasant to have to tell the sad truth, it is kinder to tell it. After all, this patient will end by being bed-ridden and truly helpless. If one knows this in advance, one is careful not to spend money unnecessarily on imaginary treatments, on costly consultations and on diagnostic specifications which are always expensive and never efficacious. If one could save this money for the care of the patient, plain physical, nursing care, the patient would at least be moderately comfortable. Of course, if this atrophy is due as I suspect to neural, spinal origin, chances are that the patient despite her progressive incapacity will continue to feel rather cheerful to the very end, because most of the diseases of the central nervous system produce this reaction of serenity and moderate cheeriness, which is the saving grace of this disturbance.

So much for this case -- sad.

I am very glad to hear that Natalie's husband shows signs of the arrest of the Tbc process. I heard that Natalie is working and happy.

Your being busy is I suppose the usual story. The sad thing about it is not the fact of being busy for so many years, but the fact that you forget how, or fail to learn how, to relax and as a result there is, of course, always the danger that one loses completely the conception of what a rest is.

I too am constantly occupied, although I am not as unable to relax. I do occasionally and well. On the other hand, on certain occasions one has to work with quadruple energy, as I did a couple of weeks ago in West Virginia where I testified in a case of a boy of fourteen who was accused and tried for murder in the first degree.

The War feels emotionally quite close here, and life is uncertain.

The family is well. The children are growing. War, revolutions, murders -- life just goes on.

Regards to all.

Mr. James M. Zilboorg,
Apartado Num. 8 Bis,
MEXICO D.F.
MEXICO.

May 17, 1943

Dear James:

Your note of April 27th arrived while I was in Detroit.

Am sorry to hear about Eugenia's not feeling well. Of course this business of pills is bad, but the business of coramine and similar trash is just as bad. I don't know why people resort to it all. They would be younger and healthier, if they did not run to medicine every time they have an itch in the nose. Medicine is an old lady full of conventions and her ignorance by far outweighs her great knowledge. It is embarrassing when the glibly faithful demand from her divine omniscience.

About Brickner. He is not a psychiatrist. His book is a journalistic flight without any scientific basis whatsoever. It would be really foolish, if it were not bad for medicine and for culture. It is a sign of the times -- and a bad sign at that.

Professor Moreno of your City tells me that Lafora never got there because of some passport trouble. You need not have Lafora convince me about going to Mexico to give a lecture or two. I would gladly go and would gladly talk. My Spanish is not proficient enough to lecture in and so few Mexicans know English. You may look over my last book -- which you must have received by now -- especially the chapter on social sciences, and find a topic or two. I might also suggest some of the topics on which I lectured about two years ago in Rio de Janeiro. But there everybody spoke French and it was easy. I would not mind spending a few days in Mexico -- I have had no vacation since I was in Brazil.

Miss Lahn was studied here and the diagnosis is the same as that I gave you in one of my letters some time ago. I saw her for a moment or two but could not tell her much, of course. She plans, I think, to travel further to seek some help. Unfortunately, one cannot tell her that it is useless.

Best regards.

As always,

Mr. James M. Zilboorg,
Apartado 8-Bis,
Mexico DF,
Mexico.

July 26th, 1943

Dear Gregory:

I hear you felt annoyed over my failure
to acknowledge receipt of your book. Mea culpa,
most humbly. And no alibis offered, either.
Your book arrived here a couple of weeks after
your last letter and as yet I barely had a
chance to glance through it. It is before me
right now.

Would you believe me that I sincerely
appreciated your thoughtfulness? Honestly, I
did. Only you must put up with my utter lack
of those grades (or any other, for that matter)
which in civilized communities are considered
terribly essential. They probably are - much to
my discredit. I often suspect, though, that
even the good people, endowed with said graces,
often fall behind in the fulfillment of the
many tasks which they assume through an over-
estimate of their own capacities.

I spoke to the rector of the university
here and also to some other friends on the faculty
about the possibility of your visit. They were
all very interested. The rector wanted to send
you an invitation, but the schedule of lectures
in the City has been all too heavy this summer.
Would you care to come later in the fall? Also,
could you send me a somewhat longer statement
of your scientific connections and activities
than appears on the flap of your book? You are
probably listed in "Who is who in Science", but
I cannot find a spare moment to look it up in
the library (open only during regular office
hours).

Keep in good health and spirits - and be
magnanimous with your wayward brother.

My best regards

March 1st, 1944

Dr. Gregory Zilboorg
New York City.

Dear Gregory:

It has been ages since we wrote to each other. I assume you still keep at the old stand, as I do. Life continues after a fashion, and we all carry on as best we can. I have been virtually yearning for many months for a trip to the "farthest North" and for an opportunity for some easy chats with you. Every time I seem to be nearing the realization of this wish, something happens and I find myself tied again to some ball-and-chain which keeps me back.

Meanwhile I have a little request to make of you (don't jump) and I hope that you can give me a hand.

A representative of the PM is here in Mexico and I gather that he is on a muck-raking expedition. He came to see me and we had a couple of talks on a subject which has him quite worked up and in which I am somewhat of an interested party. It appears that somewhere between Washington and New York some good people feel concerned over some of the Latin-American politics played in these parts. As I wrote you some time ago (even if only briefly), I took an active part in the organization of a society for cultural cooperation between USA and Mexico. Practically all of our members were distinguished representatives of the Mexican academic world and it was a privilege for me to be associated with them. At first we had all the blessings of official agencies on both sides of the border and a great deal of cooperation. Later politics of a dubious nature began to interfere and it was practically all from the American side. Whether it was due to bungling at headquarters or officiousness of the local representatives in Mexico, it is difficult to say. Both may have played their part.

-2-

By the end of last year, things became so difficult that my friends and I gave up our struggle, not wishing to become tools of politics. My friend from PM brings the story that a good many earnest souls up North got wind of these developments and feel pretty sick over them. So he came here to look at matters from close quarters and do what he can to clean up house through the medium of PM. While here he has been talking to many people, I gave him such data as I had from an inside knowledge of the situation, but I warned him against referring to specific persons or details such as would obviously implicate anyone.

Neither my friends nor I are interested in reinstatement for ourselves and we would not care to have anyone think that we are. For over two years we all worked hard and much. We considered it our modest contribution to the war effort in the only field familiar to us. But we could not play politics. Apparently without the latter not much can be done, even in cultural endeavor. We prefer to have others try their hand at that.

Nor are we interested in revenge on individuals. We do not believe that anything can be gained by seeking scapegoats. Even if they are found and removed, little can be accomplished, because of the uncertainty as to those who will replace them. Institutions and policies are a different matter. If something can be done to improve these, we are all for it.

My visitor tells me you are held in high regard at PM. My request to you is that you try to convey to the editors the above thoughts, so that whatever paper is submitted for publication should be scrutinized with some regard to them. I am especially concerned lest some specific references cause embarrassment to my Mexican friends, who might recognize easily the source of the information. They are very

REGORY ZILBOORG, M. D.
14 EAST SEVENTY-FIFTH STREET
NEW YORK CITY 21

August 11, 1943.

Dear James:

I did not feel annoyed and what you heard is not quite correct. I asked Natalie whether you ever received a copy of my last book. She expressed surprise at my question - I explained that I really did not know because you never acknowledged the receipt of it.

Yes, I am listed in Who's Who in America. I should assume that you have a copy of the last edition somewhere in the Embassy, in the Chamber of Commerce, etc., and your secretary could copy from there the part you might wish to have.

It is impossible for me to say whether I would come to Mexico in the autumn, or at all. If a responsible organization would send me an official invitation, I could consider it, and the details could be arranged afterwards depending upon the opportunities offered. Professor Moreno also expressed the wish that I come and address the Academy of Medicine. I am deliberately vague about the whole matter, because my scientific work and my practice keep me very busy, and if I am to contemplate a trip anywhere I must have something specific and worth while from the scientific point of view before I can make up my mind.

I have seen Natalie and Ed a few times. I do hope he will find something to do very soon. They are a nice couple, but rather unsettled as yet, of course.

Best regards to all.

As always,

Mr. J. M. Zilboorg
Apartado 8-bis
México, D. F., México.

GREGORY ZILBOORG, M. D.

May 19, 1944.

Dear James:

Gregory's secretary has called my attention to your
letter of April 30th. Gregory is away at the American
Psychiatric meetings and so I am answering your note.

The checks were sent promptly -- one on March 31st
and the other on April 28th and though the first check was
cleared through the bank we have not received the usual
acknowledgment. I am writing the bank today. You
probably have received your April statement by now and
the March check must have been put on that. I wish
that while you were in El Paso that you had gone into the
bank and checked up. Anyway, I am writing the bank
today.

How are you all? How is Pauline Lahm? Do drop
me a note when the spirit moves you.

Enclosures:

2 letters sent to
State National Bank
El Paso, Texas.

May 22, 1944

Dear James:

Thank you for your note, which reached me today upon
my return from the centenary meeting of the American
Psychiatric Association, after a week's absence from
my office.

It appears that the bank failed to notify you that my
checks reached them in due course -- as a matter of
fact, ahead of time this month. Pauline Turkel checked
up on it as soon as your letter was received. In the
meantime, you apparently told Bassia that I failed to
send the check, and Bassia did not fail to write to Fira
a scurrilous complaint, and Fira telephoned to my office
as soon as I reached town -- much ado about nothing.

Why Bassia should be initiated into something that concerns
only you and me I do not know. Why she should write Fira
I do not understand. Why such massive attacks of such
little strategic importance I do not comprehend. Such are
the ways of some funny people.

About Father's picture -- many thanks for letting me have
one. As to the old negative which I have had since my
last visit to Mexico (or was it the one before last?), I
made a large portrait from it, and shall send you one very
soon.

Regards,

June 16th, 1944

Miss Pauline Turokel
New York City

Pauline darling:

Sorry to have bothered you about the
deposits. It was just a slip on the part
of the bank. About a week after I wrote
Gregory I received the bank's confirmation of
deposits for both March and April.

Apparently my good sisters raised a
needless row and Gregory made a gratuitous
and silly remark on my account - as he often
does. I am in no mood to argue with any of
them about such rubbish, so shall let it go
at that.

We have no complaints in the family.
Everyone is well, all of us snowed under in
come kind of work or another. The kids are
growing very well. Lydia is dreaming of
Oakwood and Olga is happy wherever she is.
She has not come to the dreaming stage yet,
is doing good work at school and almost
excellent in 'cello as well as piano. May
be we haven't even boasted to you yet about
the great hopes that Olga's maestro has for
her with the 'cello?

Pauline Lahn is in bad shape indeed. She
has been getting progressively weaker in her
fingers, then the creeping atrophy extended
to the legs. She can still walk a few steps,
but that is about all. She has been shifting
around from one place to another, then spent
four or five months with us until she realized
that an impossible situation was created for all
of us. Our house (now it's really only an
apartment) is too small and not equipped to
take care of a person in Pauline's condition.
She has been in a sanatorium in Guernavaca the
last 30 days, but may change soon to a small

-2-

private house, also in Cuernavaca. Pauline has too brusque a character to adjust happily to institutional life. She might be more comfortable alone with her own servant and menage, as long as some friends and a telephone are available nearby. This Eugenia may be able to arrange.

Poor Pauline! She suffers seemingly more spiritually than physically. Her mind seems clear, eyesight perfect. She cannot reconcile herself to dependence and inactivity. It is unfortunate that she will not get out of the latter. I believe she could, by translating or teaching visiting nurses, for example. She could do that orally and it could help her make better adjustments to life. But she prefers a quiet corner with a book.

Among the various things I dream or worry about, I revived my old hope of building a shack in Cuernavaca. Finally I bought a piece of land. Some day I hope to build. Then we'll expect you to come and stay with us for a while. Meanwhile I know of no reason why you should not come again for a vacation to Mexico. There will always be room for you - both in the house and in our hearts.

Love and greetings from all of us

October 21st, 1944

Dear Gregory:

Early last year we agreed that you would
reduce mother's allowance. Mother has been
making out as well as she can since then, but
in recent months it really became impossible
to cover bare expenses. I have been helping
out a little, but with the run away inflation
that prevails in Mexico, my contribution is
not doing much good. My own income, fixed in
figures for the last 12 years, does not leave
me much play room. The starch factory, if
successful, may improve conditions. This may
take at least 2 years more to find out.

When Fera was here, she was angered with
me for "allowing" you to reduce your resistance
to mother. Living with mother, she appreciated
the tight circumstances much better than I
ever could. She said she would talk to you
about it as soon as she returned. I don't
know whether she did or not. I didn't mention
this during my recent trip, because my own
head was too crowded with many concerns, as you
know.

If you can increase the present allowance
for mother back to the previous figure, it would
indeed be splendid. If you cannot quite do
that, but can raise it only a bit, however
little, this will help too. As you know, I
do not like to write you on such matters. An
doing it now only with the thought that you
might do something "painlessly", since the
allowance to mother is a deductible item from
taxes.

Mother carries on with the usual obbs and
flows of health. Bessia frequently appears in
worse condition, but I cannot always judge how
much of that appearance is merely a show. My
own family has no health complaints. Neither
have I. Eugenia might profit greatly from a
long vacation, somewhere far away from home.
She plays with the idea for next spring.

-2-

On my return home I found conditions in
the country shockingly deteriorated in comparison
with only a month before. The economic structure
shows bad signs of instability. It may not be
as bad as in China, although thoughts frequently
lead to comparisons, but the "other half" of the
population is really having an increasingly
difficult time of it. Yet, externally there
are no signs of an impending breakdown. Some
good men are among those in control. They do
good work and may yet avert a calamity. Mexico
may ride out the post war storms with reasonable
success. She simply has to, and her being fully
gear'd to U.S. economy may be of help. There
are, however, many imperfections ahead.

Best regards. Write me when you can spare
a few minutes.

As ever

March 6th, 1945

Air Mail

Miss Pauline M. Turkel
New York City

Dear Pauline:

And so the inevitable happened: Ray wrote Eugenia that Gregory left home "for good". She tried to be somewhat casual about it, but mentioned that the impression upon the children was not a happy one. I suppose we "moderns" should take home-wrecking in our stride, as it were. So much is being wrecked nowadays that one little home is of little significance in the general picture.

With all that, I feel that my brother is an utter fool. And I am not judging merits or defects. Just on general principles I could see more sense and grace and decency in such step ten or fifteen years ago. What is the gain for any one now? Surely none for the children.

Eugenia was quite upset over Ray's letter and would have liked to write her at once. Only she is over her ears in work between her directorship this year of the Pan-American Round Table of Mexico, Russian Relief and a few smaller matters. The present Inter-American Conference complicated matters still further for her. And she is not strong enough to carry that much load.

The children are doing well. Lydia is all set on going to Oakwood in September. Natalie and Edward insist upon mother visiting Oberlin in May. And wouldn't she have fun as a delegate to San Francisco in April? Eugenia seems headed there. Olga fiddles merrily along on her 'cello, does fair work at school - just fair, not excellent - but somehow managed to become elected President of The Student Body (Primary School)!

And papa - well, this time he is more in stach than in cultural activities. When he has some waking minutes free (seldom hours), he is dedicated to philosophical reflection - on human foolishness, and the tragic pity thereof.

Would I be asking too much? - that you write me about Gregory and his family? What kind of modus vivendi has been established there? I confess my fears that Gregory is heading for a smash. He has been working for many years on the human mind, yet seems to have learned little of the

integration between mind and emotion - sensible
behavior, in the vernacular. (This promises to
become progressively my pet preoccupation). As you
know, dear, I am not given to mixing into family
affairs. All the same, I hate to see my brother in
a mess. And who can I go to for sensible answers to
any questions but to you? Heaps of thanks.

With warmest affection

P.S. Has any change occurred in Gregory's financial
commitments? Again no advice from my bank about
his deposit for Mother in February, also March.
You may have sent it, of course. This happened
before.