-3-

(Takes Bruto by arm and tiptoes to every side,
looking and listening to see if there is any
danger of being overheard) --You must remember
that under our free, republican form of govern-
ment, there's no limit to the ambitions of the
man who commands the army.

Both Sh....! (Looking around cautiously)

Plumas Now, do you blame me for saying the country is
going to the dogs?

Bruto No; but it's been going that way so long I don't
see how you can stop it. If we can't do anything
for the country, maybe we'd better make it hot for
the dogs, Eh? Ha! Ha!

Plumas Remember what I said about the man who commands the
army.

Bruto (Apologetically, as though expecting to be contra-
dicted) --Oh, your Excellency, I am a man who can,
of course, cut his way with a machette --- but in
this diplomacy --- do you think----?

Plumas (Cutting him off, whispering in Bruto's ear) --But
with your sword and my brain----

Bruto Well?

Plumas (First looking around cautiously, then in dramatic

-4-

whisper) --If I were President of Nicaragua, first of all, a well paid army; the first money of the treasury would go to those valiant defenders of La Patria. Every citizen would be protected in the liberties vouchsafed him by the Constitution of the Republic; trusts would be bustled and monopolies banished; conservation would be conserved and the cost of living reduced to a minus quantity. I would---

**Bruto** Say, isn't that the same speech you wrote for old Guzman when he took the presidency?

**Plumas** Why don't you know there isn't _but one_ political speech.

SONG --- "SAME OLD SPEECH".

**Plumas** Sh!. Someone is coming. We'd better not be seen together. Assemble the army at eight o'clock to receive the orders of the day. (Exit Bruto)

(Enter Thurston)

**Thurston** Good morning, Mr. Minister.

**Plumas** Good morning, senor Thurston.

**Thurston** What's the town doing all decorated to-day?

-5-

**Plumas** To-day we receive the Japanese Commission.

**Thurston** Japanese Commission: Will you tell me what a Japanese Commission is coming here for?

**Plumas** Certainly, senor; the Commission is coming to extend an invitation to Nicaragua to take part in the Japanese world's fair.

**Thurston** Humph! I think it would be better to spend less on decorations and receptions, and more on roads. Just look at my leggings!

**Plumas** Senor is an engineer, not a politician.

**Thurston** In other words, it's none of me business. But _this_ is my business. I'm here to build you a railroad, but how in the devil am I going to do it, when, as soon as I get a gang of laborers together, the Government comes along and takes them for the army? Why does the Government do that?

**Plumas** To keep somebody else from doing the same thing, senor.

**Thurston** Now look here, I don't intend that our company is going to lose money through any such monkey business, Sabe? So you just run off and tell the President to give me exemption for my laborers; if not, the next recruiters we catch around there are going to get it in the neck, sabe?

-6-

**Plumas** Si, si, senor. (Exiting) --The yankee pigs'.
Every one carries a big stick.

(Thurston stands waiting, knocking mud off his
leggings with riding whip. Enters Paquita.)

**Paquita** (Calling as she enters) --Papa'. papa? (Seeing Thurston) --Oh, pardon me; I thought I heard my father's voice.

**Thurston** You did, señorita; he left just as you came in.

**Paquita** You were talking with my father?

**Thurston** Yes, señorita.

**Paquita** Then you are a politician?

**Thurston** Well, I was never mentioned for anything at home.

**Paquita** I'm glad you're not a politician; but you are an American.

**Thurston** Yes, I'm proud to say.

**Paquita** Then you are very rich? A banker?

**Thurston** No; I'm only a struggling engineer.

**Paquita** I know; I've seen you many times. I've watched you through my lattice as you rode by.

**Thurston** Any fellow ought feel proud to be watched by such beautiful eyes.

-7-

Paquita Muchas gracias, señor.

Thurston (Pronouncing as if English) --No hay de kee.

Paquita (Laughing) --No, no, señor, your Spanish is very bad. No hay de que. (Pronounced---No eye day kay. Both laugh.)

Thurston Well, you see, you are giving me my first real Spanish lesson.

Paquita I have also seen you pass with the American Consul's daughter; do you like her?

Thurston Miss Breeze? She and I are very old friends.

Paquita You know, President Guzman likes her.

Thurston (A bit startled) --President Guzman? --- Lkes Marion?

Paquita I must go now. My father will be angry if he finds me here; you see, we can't be like American girls, but I intend to be the first chance I get.

Thurston Father's temper is rather touch isn't it?

Paquita Oh, you see, papa is a great man, and, in Nicaragua, all great men get angry easily. Was he angry when he went out; I thought I heard harsh words.

Thurston It seems to me I heard something of that kind too.

Paquita You must not displease my father; he is very powerful, next to the President.

Thurston I don't want to displease him;--- but not because he

-8-

is so powerful.

**Paquita** What was it about?

**Thurston** You see, I am building the new railroad for the country. Now, as soon as I get a good gang of laborers together, the Government sends out and takes them for the army; so I came this morning and expressed my opinion to your father in American fashion.

**Paquita** (Pleadingly) --Don't blame papa; it isn't his fault. It is the President who does that. He is a wicked man; I've heard papa say so. --(Hesitating) --I could tell you something. --(Resolved) --Don't you know why the President takes your men?

**Thurston** No, not if he wants his railroad finished?

**Paquita** But, he doesn't want it finished.

**Thurston** (Puzzled) --Doesn't want it finished? I don't understand.

**Paquita** Your company has a contract to build the railroad.

**Thurston** Yes.

**Paquita** And the work must be finished in a certain time.

**Thurston** Yes.

**Paquita** Well, if it isn't finished within that time, the

-9-

President will cancel your contract, place a fine
on your company, seize the work you have already
finished, and go through the same operation again
with another company. Now, do you understand?

**Thurston** (Seeing the light) --I understand. I understand.
Well that's the first time I ever heard a scheme
advanced for building a railroad for nothing. I
take off my hat to President Guzman.

**Paquita** (Again hesitating) --There's something else I could
tell you, but perhaps I've talked too much already.

**Thurston** No, no; I love to hear you talk; your conversation
is so interesting.

**Paquita** But I want you to tell me something.

**Thurston** What do you want me to tell you?

**Paquita** I want you to tell me if Miss Breeze has beautiful
eyes.

**Thurston** Not more beautiful than yours---I'm only an engineer, not a poet, but I could write a sonnet to your eyes. Let me see, (Takes both her hands and looks into her eyes) --what is it in them so dark and glowing that seems to set a fellow's heart on fire. Ah, I know, you've got those tropical eyes.

-10-

-SONG-

"YOU'VE GOT THOSE TROPICAL EYES"

(Throughout song Paquita makes dreamy, tropical
eyes at Thurston, and occasionally uses such
Spanish exclamations as: "Ah, senor!" "Verdad?"
"Le gusta?" "Que dulce!" )

Paquita I could tell you more about President Guzman, ---
but---

Thurston (Holding her hands) --Go on and tell me; won't you?

Paquita (Withdrawing) --Not now, papa will soon be coming.
(Colonel Castro is seen spying on them from one of
the entrances) --But, --- (Speaking rapidly) --meet
me to-night at the feast of Jeronimo.

Thurston (Also speaking rapidly) --I'll be at the feast, but
how shall I know you?

Paquita I shall be dressed as a dancing girl. Good-bye.
(Castro withdraws)

Thurston (Eagerly) --Good-bye. I'll meet you. (She exits)

Thurston (Smelling his hands and smiling) --What a sweet girl!
(Smelling hands again) --Like a tropical rose. And
what wonderful eyes. A man could lose his balance

-11-

and drown himself in those deep, dark pools.

(Enter Plumas)

**Plumas** Ah, senor Thurston, I have seen the President and he gave me this exemption for your men. (Handing over paper) --He says that it gives him great pain to learn that you have been interrupted in your work.

**Thurston** Don't let it worry him; I'm going to relieve him of the chance of suffering any such pains in the future. (Reads exemption) --"All laborers, natives of Nicaragua, working on the railroad being constructed by senor Thurston are hereby exempted from service in the army; except as hereinafter stated:

1. Those who may be proved to entertain revolutionary ideas.

2. Those who may be proven to be susceptible to revolutionary ideas.

3. Those between the ages of fifteen and fifty.

4. Those ---- (Thurston calmly rolls the paper, takes a match from his pocket and sets fire paper afire, then lights cigar from burning paper. Plumas looks on with sphinx like

-12-

expression) --Tell the President that only one paragraph was needed to make this document effective, and I shall supply it in these words; "Any recruiters found hanging around the railroad works will be promptly taken and put into one of the laboring gangs." Sabe? If I have any more trouble I'll protest to the American Consul. Adios, Mr. Minister. (Exits)

Plumas
Adios, señor Thurston. (Turning to seat himself)
--How impolite these yankees are! Well, at last I have a few moments to myself, I'll sit down and think out a few plans of my own while I take it easy.

(Enter German, English and French concessioners)

Ger. Con. Good morning, Meester Meenister.

Plumas
Caramba! The foreign concessioners! (Turning and rising) --Good morning, gentlemen.

Ger. Con. We come to see you about some concessions.

Plumas
Gentlemen, the President feels that the promiscuous granting of concessions---

Ger. Con. But we have his promise, and we all have got to make money. Monsieur, you have

-13-

Fr. Con. Two hundred and fifty-thousand francs.

Ger. " Und you, meester?

Eng. " I have ten thousand pound sterling.

Ger. " Und I haf two hundert tousand marks.

Plumas Yes, and they're all easy marks. Gentlemen, wait a moment and I'll see if your contracts are being drawn. (Exits)

Ger. Con. (Gleefully) --Ve vill get it! Ve vill get it!

Eng. " But where do you think we will get it?

Ger. " (Enthusiastically) --Tink of it! for a few tousant a golt mine, perhaps, wurt millions; a mahogany grove, perhaps, vurt millions; a rubber forest, perhaps, vurt millions.

Eng. " Cawn't you leave out that blooming "perhaps?"

Ger. " Dese peoples don't know vat dey are gifing avay; it's a shame to take all de money.

Eng. " It's like robbing the heathen.

Fr. " Bet ees to tek ze candé from ze bebé. (All laugh)

(Enter Plumas)

Plumas The President has decided that upon payment down of one half the concession money, work on the contracts will be begun at once.

-14-

**Concess.** Good!

**Plumas** He also feels, since these concessions are so valuable, that he does not wish to appear to discriminate between the three powerful and friendly nations you represent; so he has decided to have you draw lots for the three concessions he intends to grant.

**Concess.** (Paying over money) --Good!

**Ger.** Now, ven do ve draw?

**Plumas** Just as soon as the contracts are drawn, gentlemen, good day.

**Ger.** (Hanging back) --Yes--but---

**Plumas** (Ushering them out) --Yes, just as soon as the contracts are drawn, good day.

=(Exit Concessioners)=

**Plumas** Now, I'll take that moment to myself, and see if I can't --- (Seats himself again)

=(Bugle call and drum taps; enter army)

**Plumas** (To Bruto) --Caramba! you back here already?

**Bruto** Yes; we're here to receive the orders of the day from the President.

-17-

aragua and glory upon Guzman. You understand?

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Guzman Then why you stand there like de main attraction
at a funeral? Can't you look interested?

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Guzman I want de following order of de day carried out---

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Guzman Wait until you hear what I say! On de arrival of
de Commissioners I want you to escort them to de
palace.

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Guzman Flank them on both sides with a guard of honor, to
see that they don't take anything.

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Guzman When they reach de palace, see that de people gif
three vivas for Japan,---

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Guzman Immediatly followed by nine vivas for-----

Bruto (Smiling confidently) --For Nicaragua.

Guzman (Screaming) --No'-- (Tapping on his breast) --For
Guzman!-- (To army) --Attention'. Colonel Castro!--
(Castro steps forward, and he and Guzman go down
stage) --Have you anything to report this morning?

-18-

**Castro** I heard Paquita promise to meet senor Thurston to-
night on the esplanade.

*(Enter American Consul and Marion; Guzman rushes over and greets them fulsomely.)*

**Guzman** Ah, señor Consul, you are de welcome breeze on so
hot a day. --(Laugs at his pun) -- Ha, ha, ha. --
(Very expressively) --And you, señorita, you are
de fragrant zephyr.

**Consul** Thank you, Your Excellency.

**Marion** Your Excellency is always so gallant and so bright.

**Guzman** Ha! But you see, I am not only de soldier, de
statesman and de orator, but also a poet and a wit.
regret to

**Consul** Your cordial welcome makes me say that I have not
come on very welcome business.

**Guzman** Ha! senor Consul, de diplomatic affairs make no
effect on my personal relations. I play de diplo-
macy like --- what you call it de great American
game? --- Poker.

**Consul** My Government has instructed me to make demands for
the immediate settlement of the pending American
claims. I must also file a protest in behalf of Mr.
Thurston.

-19-

Guzman Ah, my dear Consul, to señor Thoorstone I haf give
this morning a general exemption for all his men.

Consul Yes, he told me about it; however, we shall first
take up the matter of the claims.

Guzman As to de claims, they are now in de hands of my
Supreme Court, I think; but will you not please
speak with Dr. Plumas, he knows de whole matter.

(Guzman passes Consul over to Plumas,
then returns across stage and engages in
earnest conversation with Marion. Using
many gestures and woful looks often in-
dicating his heart.)

Plumas Señor Consul, as his Excellency has said, all the
claims are now before the Supreme Court.

Consul (With vehemence) --But these claims have already be-
come a question of diplomacy, and are, thereby, taken
out of the hands of the courts.

Plumas But on that point, such authorities as Grotius and
Wiquefort and Vatell and---

Consul (Out of patience) --They are all dead ones Doctor,
dead ones.

Plumas Let us go over the papers and see if we---(Plumas
and Consul go up stage and busily go over documents)

-21-

**Marion** How lovely the army looks this morning! They've
 got new uniforms, haven't they?

**Guzman** (Sighing) --Ah'. you always change de subject.

**Marion** (Innocently) --What subject?

**Guzman** *(With very expressive eyes and smile)* --De subject
 of lof.

**Marion** Were you talking about love?

**Guzman** *(Sadly)* --What else do I ever speak of with you?

**Marion** *(Smiling demurely)* -- I knew you were feeling bad
 about something. I thought you were trying to tell
 me your symptoms.

**Guzman** *(With spirit)* --Listen! Nicaragua ees not so beeg
 like de United States, but what man in de United
 States can be so powerful as I am in Nicaragua? Ah,
senorita, I gif you all dees power; I mek you de
princess, I mek you de queen, I mek you de empress.

**Marion** *(Amused)* --And what would my father's title be?

**Guzman** *(Significantly)* --I prefer that your father remain
just de American Consul. --*(As a brilliant idea)*--
But, I will bestow upon him de Guzman Cross. --
*(Touches one of the decorations on his breast.)*

**Marion** *(Smiling)* --But I wouldn't know how to act like either a princess, a queen or an empress.

**Guzman** Every "Yankeeta" is a princess.

-22-

**Marion** And what does "Yankeeta" mean?

**Guzman** "Yankeeta"? I gif you de definition. "Yankeeta" ees Spanish for one, dear leetle person from "Yankeelanda"---of gender---female; --- of age---six-teen to---oh---er---thirty.

**Marion** It sounds pretty, but--(Changing subject)--when will the Commission----

**Guzman** (With disgust) --Commission!-- (With show of jealous rage) --I know why you do not to me listen. You think Meester Thoorstone lof you; --(Marion starts) --and maybe he do, but he lof you with de heart of snow, I lof you wid de heart of fire. I lof you like only de boiling Nicaraguan---de boiled blood Nicaraguan---de----

**Marion** He's talking like a lobster.

**Guzman** Like only he can love. --(Impetuously)--Ilof you to kiss you de hand, to kiss you de feet, to kiss you de place where de feet stand, to kiss you de----

**Marion** (Breathlessly) --Stop! stop/ Don't kiss me any-where else----But this tropical love sounds good.

**Guzman** Don't you know that Meester Thoorstone is in lof with Paquita? Mef you don't believe me you can see for yourself; he has an appointment to meet her to-night on the esplanade at the Feast of Jeronimo. --

-23-

(Look of doubt on Marion's face; then of resolve to
be even with Thurston. She smiles on Guzman) --
Ah, senorita, won't you be my leetle "Yankeeta"?

Song and Dance --- Guzman and Marion.

"LA YANKEETA."

(On chorus enter girls dressed as idealized red, white
and blue Yankee girls, and pair with soluiers. After
song exit all except Guzman and Plumas.)

**Plumas** Your Excellency---I know, of course, that you are
one of the few great living diplomats; but I sug-
gest that we must handle the Consul rather carefully
just now or we'll get another whck from the "Big
Stick".

**Guzman** (Ostentatiously) --Don't worry, Doctor; I _will_ handle the Consul. Remember, Guzman is not only soldier, statesman and orator, --(Slyly)-- but also something of a lof maker. --(Laugs significantly)-- Ha, ha.

**Plumas** Your Excellency, a man so handsome as you is a positive danger---that is to the fair sex. --- But

-24-

there is another matter, the concessioners were
here again this morning. They paid down half the
price.

**Guzman** Doctor, don't ever seem too quick to tek de money;
that's de way I play de game.

**Plumas** Each day, Your Excellency you astonish me with your
sagacity; but I don't think we'd better push that
policy too far; they're getting a little anxious.

**Guzman** Well, let them haf their contracts. Let's see
what we can gif them---Here they are --(Takes bunch
of papers out of left inside coat pocket)-- Ha, no!
Not dees, dees are de bona fide goods, which I never
sell. I only let them go on a fifty per cent basis,
with a contract that may be canceled at any time---
by me. I keep dees in my left inside pocket, near
de heart. --(Replaces papers in pocket, takes an-
other bunch from right inside pocket)-- Dees I sell
outright for what I can get. I keep them in de
right inside pocket, near de gall. We'll hand 'em
three of deese---(Selects three, and offers them to
Plumas. Plumas reaches to take papers) --Oh no,
de money first; that's de way I do beezness. ---
(Plumas gives over money and takes papers)

**Plumas** Well, what about mine, Your Excellency?

-25-

**Guzman** You get yours out of de second payment. --(Putting away money)-- Now it's time to get ready to receive de Commissioners. Come! --(They exit)

Entrance Chorus --- "JAPAN, JAPAN."

(Enter Kogi and Uchi, Japanese Commissioners. Uchi is tall and lean, dressed in conventional ancient Japanese costume, silk robes, fan, etc. He enters with Japanese trot. Kogi is short and stout, dressed in long Prince Albert coat, patent leather shoes and white spats, high silk hat somewhat too large, walking cane etc. "a la modern statesman". He enters with long strides, keeping up with Uchi.)

SONG ---Kogi and Uchi.

"HIGH COMMISSIONERS."

**Kogi** (To Guzman, who is seated on high chair) --Honorable Ruler of Tropic Zone, I have palpitating heart of pride to produce you credentials from Sun Born Emperor. --(Guzman descends. Kogi hands over scroll. Uchi nods and smiles.)

-26-

**Guzman** (Turning scroll over and around trying to read it) --
Senor--er--er--Say, which way do you hold this visit-
ing card?

**Kogi** You hold it up-side-down, and read it backwards. --
(Uchi nods and smiles assent to all that Kogi says)
--You see, I have for honorable patronymic Kurihashi,
for honorable praenomen Okamoto, for honorable Uchi-
nomen Shumotsuke, for honorable agnomen Shimo-ichi,
and for--

**Guzman** (Bewildered) --Now, if senor will gif me just his
name.

**Kogi** For honorable name of ordinary use I have Kogi.

**Guzman** Ah, senor Kogi, eet gif me great pleasure to welcome
you to Nicaragua. --(Turning to chorus)-- Cuidanos!
I present you the most High Commissioner, senor Kogi,
and also--er--(Turning to Uchi somewhat puzzled) --
also Mrs. Kogi. --(Pantomime of protest by Uchi)

**Kogi** No, no; he also is of masculine intentions. He
also High Commissioner. He has for name Shaka-Uchi.

**Guzman** I beg a great pardon. But tell me, why you dress
like gentleman and he like lady?

**Kogi** That is expected interrogative. I give you little
informations. --(Confidentially)-- What we don't

-27-

want the world to suspect that we know, new Japan
leaves to old; what we want the world to know that
we know, old Japan leaves to new. --(Winks---Uchi
nods and smiles.)

**Guzman** I don't quite see the point but it sounds clever.
Now, señor Commissioners, allow me to introduce el
Consul Americano, his daughter, señorita Marion, la
"Yankeeta" and my very dear friend, Meester Thoors-
tone. --(All bow acknowledging introductions.)

**Kogi** The honor is heavy on our shoulders; Japanese got
soft spot in heart for Americans. --(Uchi nodes, etc)

**Plumas** Someday Japanese will have soft spot in head from
Americans.

**Consul** Mr. Commissioner, we highly appreciate this honor,
and assure you that the Americans reciprocate your
feelings.

(Thurston stands watching Japanese suspiciously.)

**Kogi** (To Guzman) --Honorable Ruler of Tropic Zone, we
come from Sun Born Emperor to invite Nicaragua take
part in great World Fair to be celebrate by Japan in
near future.

**Guzman** Señor Commissioner, I accept de invitation of de Em-

-28-

peror, and show de appreciation by giving you de
Guzman Cross --(Takes two decorations from pockets,
and pins them on Kogi and Uchi.)

**Consul** Your Excellency and Mr. Commissioners, we now beg
to take our leave.

**Guzman** Señor Consul, I can refuse you nothing. --(Profuse bowing as Americans withdraw.)

**Kogi** (Taking Guzman down stage) --Now that our dear American friends have beat it, we will talk other little business. Count twenty-three for peoples --(Indicating chorus)-- and we make little propositions.

**Uchi** (As though just waking up) --Ya! ya!

**Guzman** (Surprised) --Can he talk?

**Kogi** Oh yes, but he never use language in large quantity.
He also hear very small.

**Guzman** What! he is also deaf?

**Kogi** Yes. You must speak him in elevated voice, or he
not comprehend.

**Plumas** He isn't blind, is he?

**Kogi** No, not quite, but he have very close vision.

**Plumas** Deaf, dumb and blind! What is it that makes him
such a high commissioner?

**Kogi** He have three points which go to make wise man in
Japan; he say nothing --(Hands over mouth)-- he see

-29-

see nothing --(Hands over eyes)-- he hear nothing.
(Hands over ears.)

**Guzman** If I could find a man like that in Nicaragua, I gif him a job for life, and pay him in advance.

**Kogi** Of old Japan, he is tableau; of new Japan, I am moving picture; so I say like Yankee, "Time is equal to Standard Oil Stocks". Honorable President you shake day-day to peoples and we discuss little propositions.

**Guzman** (To Chorus) --Ciudanos, to-day will be a holiday; enjoy yourselves. To-night the Feast of Jeronimo will be celebrated on the Esplanade with music and fireworks in honor of Japan and Guzman?

--(Exit chorus singing last strain)—

-of-

—("VIVA GUZMAN.")—

………………

**Kogi** Now that peoples have make skidoo, we talk little business.

**Guzman** (Rubbing hands) --Ah, señor Commissioner, nothing gives me greater pleasure than to talk leetle beezness.

**Kogi** We bring you grand invitation for Japanese solar

-30-

System Fair, but Emperor Mutsuhito also have other
little plan.

Guzman I understand that Mutsuhito ees de great planner.

Kogi Emperor Mutsuhito pay some honorable compliment to
President Guzman.

Guzman (Posing) -- Tell me, what does de Emperor think of
Guzman?

Kogi (Embarrassed) --Oh, Mr. Honorable Sir, I possess
too much modesty to say what Emperor thinks of you.

Guzman (Holding pose) --Oh don't mind; I haf had lots of
practise, I can stand eet.

Kogi Well, I say to Emperor Mutsuhito one day --- I call
him "Mutt", for short --- I say him, "Mutt, we must
make cinch on our great friend Guzman.

Guzman (With smiling expectancy) --And what did de Emperor
say?

Kogi He express nothing but silence. --(Look of disappointment on Guzman's face)-- You know, Emperor do not speak language, he speak only poetry. I knew he was composing poem for reply.

Guzman Ees de Emperor a poet? I also am great poet. --(To Plumas)-- Dr. Plumas, gif señor Kogi a marked copy of de Liberator which contains my ode to Guzman, to send to de Emperor. --(Plumas gives Kogi copy of

-31-

newspaper)

**Kogi** Oh yes, Emperor grand poet. But he can afford to be poet; he have good job for life; and no publisher is desirous to commit hari-kari by refusing him courtesy of printing press.

**Guzman** He possess great advantage for de poet.

**Kogi** Well, I say Emperor one day, I say him, "Mutt, we must make cinch on great friend Guzman. He put big wrinkles in brow, and explode thus:"

"Let us loving bonds of friendship,
Bit by bit,

With our great friend Guzman ---

Nit, nit, nit."

**Guzman** (After a second's pause, scratching head and looking puzzled) --How does the Emperor spell "knit"?

**Kogi** (Innocently) --Oh, he is reformful speller. -(Guzman makes sour face)- Well, I continue to conversate with him and say, "Mutt, you great power in East; Guzman hold trump card in West. Guzman catch "Big Stick" on bound, you catch it on rebound. We get together and put "Big Stick" out of business.

**Guzman** (Looking doubtful) --It sounds like sweet simplicity; but how to do it? How to do it?

**Kogi** It is like to extract pennies from the cup of blind

-33-

wide Lake Nicaragua; all to be done is cut little
ditch here; --(Indicating strip of land between
Lake Nicaragua and Pacific Ocean) -- Here we have
canal already nearly almost complete by Nature.
Ship's can be sailing through it before "Uncle Sam"
finishes with Dam Gatun.

Guzman
But, senor Kogi, the whole Panama canal is to be
finished by 1915.

Kogi
That accomplishment cannot be before 1923.

Guzman
Permit me once more, senor Kogi to hail once more
from de place called Missouri.

Kogi
There are on Canal Zone hundreds of Japanese cooks,
who, when not cooking, are preparing technical re-
ports on progress of canal work. Our Government
have their expert opinion that Canal cannot be ac-
complished before 1923.

Guzman
Those are wonderful men for cooks.

Kogi
Not more wonderful than cooks and waiters and mens
of all work we have in "Uncle Sam's" navy and through-
out United States.

Guzman
Now, let's come down to de leetle beezness.

Kogi
Here we come. --(All come down stage and form semi-
circle) --Japan make little agreement with Nicaragua,
and guarantee to finish canal in two years; what is

-34-

result? Panama Canal is killed; "Uncle Sam" one
billion dollar out of pockets; Nicaragua forever
free from "Big Stick"; Nicaragua dictator to com-
merce of the world, ---Nicaragua---

Guzman Pardon, señor, but why will Japan do all deeds for Nicaragua?

Kogi Japan have soft spot in heart for Nicaragua---

Guzman I change de question and ask, what does Japan get
out of eet? What will Japan pay?

Kogi When subject of discussion turn on finance, new Japan leave question to old. I will take paper and read your honorable ode while you discuss question with Uchi.

(Kogi with paper takes seat at extreme opposite side of stage. Pantomime of reading poem, first surprise, then disgust, then fatigue, then falls asleep)

Guzman (To Plumas in ordinary voice) --Doctor, will you please take de pencil and paper so as to note de terms. Do you think you can draw a contract for a canal that won't hold water? --(Uchi, at this, cocks his ear)

Plumas The contract or the canal?

Guzman The contract.

-35-

**Plumas** You ought to know by now, Your Excellency; but be careful, he --(Indicating Uchi)-- is listening.

**Guzman** Oh, that makes no difference; he ees deaf.

(Guzman and Plumas do some figuring while Uchi, spying from half across stage, shows that he reads all that they put down. He copies their figures on a little ivory memorandum pad that hangs from his waist.)

**Guzman** (To Uchi) --Now, senor Uchi, we will talk leetle beezness.

**Uchi** Ya! ya!

**Guzman** Japan wants a treaty to dig Nicaraguan canal.

**Uchi** Ya! ya!

**Guzman** How much will Japan pay?

**Uchi** (Suddenly losing all hearing; hand behind ear) -- What that?

**Guzman** (Very loud and distinct) --How much will Japan pay?

**Uchi** (With bland smile) --Oh yes, I tink canal will pay.

**Guzman** (Disgusted, and at top of voice. Kogi sleeps) -- How much money will Japan gif me in de hand? --(Ex-tending right hand)

**Uchi** (With same bland smile) --Oh yes, very glad shake hand. ---(Offers to shake)

-36-

**Guzman** (Disgusted and exhausted with efforts to make Uchi hear, speaks in low, calm tones) --Senor Uchi, you say you want de treaty to dig de canal.

**Uchi** (Hearing very easily) --Ya! ya!

**Guzman** Well, you don't talk money, I won't talk treaty.

**Uchi** How much money you want?

**Guzman** I prefer you to say how much you gif.

**Uchi** Fifty-tousan yen.

**Guzman** Fifty-tousan yen? What ees yen, de brass money with a square hole in de meedle?

**Uchi** Ya!

**Guzman** How much ees fifty-tousant yen in real money?

**Uchi** Twenty-five tousan dollar.

**Guzman** (With sarcastic laugh) --My dear, oriental friend, eet ees to ha, ha.

**Uchi** How much you want?

**Guzman** I think we better retire to my sound-proof office, and discuss de terms over a glass of champagne.

(Enter Marion and Thurston)

**Thurston** (Looking around) --They've gone. I'm sorry I missed them.

**Marion** Whom did you want to see, President Guzman?

**Thurston** No, I wanted to get another view of this Uchi and Kogi.

-37-

**Marion** Oh! so did I. I think the little one is so cute and funny looking.

**Thurston** Yes, he's _cute_ and _cunning_ too, I think. I don't quite like the looks of this Japanese business.

**Marion** I think it's very nice of them to invite Nicaragua to their Fair.

**Thurston** Yes, it is very nice; but I feel there's something back of it. You know, you can _never_ tell what these Orientals think by what they do.

**Marion** (Laughing) --But what do you think those two comical little men can do?

**Thurston** I don't know, but I'm going to talk the matter over with your father. I don't just like the combination. You know the Japanese don't really love us, and you know that President Guzman, away down in his heart, hates us.

**Marion** Hates us?

**Thurston** *(With change of tone)* --Oh, perhaps he doesn't hate you.

**Marion** *(Coyly, and tracing on the floor with her parasol)* --
Why should he hate me?

**Thurston** *(Pointedly)* --Marion, I've known you since you were a little tot, but do you know, I've just noticed what golden hair, what dark blue eyes, what a straight

-38-

nose and what a---a---kissable mouth you have.

**Marion**

(Spontaneously) --Oh, Harry!--(Coquettishly)--
But I thought you preferred raven black hair,
and large, dark, tropical eyes.

—(Lines leading up to song or duet.)—

—(Exit Marion and Thurston)—

..................

—(Enter Guzman, Plumas, Uchi and Kogi, all rather jolly from effect of wine.)—

**Kogi**

(Flourishing treaty for canal) --This is Magna Carta
for Nicaragua and Japan.

**Guzman**

Japan will now make noise like this with finger under nose of "Uncle Sam". --(Snaps fingers)

**Uchi**

Ya! ya! --(Also snaps fingers)

**Plumas**

Nobody seems to consider what "Uncle Sam" will do.

**Kogi**

(With contempt) --Do? I like some informations of
what he can do. Sure he have big navy, but this
canal --(Tapping treaty)-- divide his navy by three.

**Plumas**

By Japanese rule of three.

**Kogi**

(Enthusiastically) --Some ships must keep watchfulness on Atlantic side, some on Pacific side, and some must keep watchfulness on new canal. Next interrogation, what do Japan do? Japan make feint

-39-

to pass through Nicaragua Canal, "Uncle Sam" send
large amount of ships to gum shoe there; meantime
all Japanese dread-nothings attack Pacific Coast
from outside while thousands of Japanese rise up
and attack from inside. Result, we dictate peace
in San Francisco.

Uchi Ya' ya' ya! ya!----

Plumas (To Uchi) --Hold on, don't overwork your voice. --
(To all)-- I think this treaty will give "Uncle Sam"
a sour taste in the mouth.

Kogi I smile internally to contemplate it.

Guzman Ha! .ha! ha!---For me eet ees de great revenge. So
many times he has swung me de beeg stick, now I stick
him de leetle pin.---Ha! ha!--(Makes a few dance
steps.)--

Kogi we now lay de "Big Stick"away.

Guzman No, we nail eet to de wall.

FINALE ACT-I-

"WE'LL NAIL THE BIG STICK TO THE WALL."

CURTAIN-

## CAST OF CHARACTERS

**GUZMAN** President of Nicaragua. Medium sized. Made up rather swarthy with curled, black mustache. A good, nimble dancer. Possesses sublime conceit and bravado. Speaks with Spanish accent, secured mainly by pronouncing all "th" sounds like "t"; all "d" sounds like "t", all initial "s" sounds like "ES"; all "v" sounds like "f", and by sharply rolling all "r" sounds.

**PLUMAS** Minister General of Nicaragua, and confidential adviser to Guzman.

**HARRY THURSTON** A civil engineer --- young, clean handsome type of American.

**UCHI** -and- **KOGI**. Japanese Commissioners. Uchi is tall and lean; dressed in conventional ancient Japanese style, silk robes, fan, etc. Kogi is rather short and stout, dressed in long Prince Albert coat, silk hat, rather too large, patent leather shoes and white spats, walking cane, etc.

WILLIAM BREEZE American Consul.

MARION BREEZE His daughter --- a typical Yankee girl.

PAQUITA Daughter of Plumas. A typical Latin-
American beauty.

THREE CONCES+ One German, one English and one French.

SIONERS. The German, a good man; the English and French may be played by chorus men.

THE ARMY Consisting of eight Generals, four Colonels and one Private.

BRUTO Commander-in-chief of Army.

Senors, Senoritas, Bull fighters, Indians --(Mexican type)-- etc., etc.

## OPENING CHORUS.

(Stage vacant)

(Enter Plumas and Bruto from opposite sides of stage)

Bruto (Cheerily) -- Good morning, Doctor.

Plumas (Testily) -- Good morning, General.

Bruto I believe it's going to be a rather warm day.

Plumas (Busy looking through some documents) -- You've got good grounds for your belief; did you ever see any other kind of a day in Nicaragua?

Bruto What I meant was, it will be a pretty warm day for the reception of the Japanese Commissioners; Japan's a cold country, isn't it?

Plumas Well, we promised them a warm reception.

Bruto (Getting back) -- You're starting off the day pretty hot yourself, don't you think?

Plumas It's enough to make a man hot, to wake up every morning and see the country nearer to the dogs.

(Puts finger over lips, and makes signs of fear that he may have been overheard) --- General, if I hear those words again, you're a liar.

-2-

**Bruto** Oh, you needn't be afraid of me; I've got a grouch of my own.

**Plumas** Then take my hand; we are fellow patriots in the same grand cause.

**Bruto** Not exactly; you see, you are dissatisfied with your position, but you get well paid for being dissatisfied; I'm well satisfied with mine, and that's all I get out of it --- satisfaction.

**Plumas** (Wheeding) ---But my dear General, there are other recompensations besides gross gold---

**Bruto** I could stand for a little grossness.

**Plumas** You are a soldier, around you clings the glory of a martial hero. You have already carved your niche in the history of La Patria, and there you stand; while I, --- where am I?

**Bruto** I think you are next; that's where I think *you* are.

**Plumas** I am merely a framer of presidential pronunciamientos, --- a scribbler of presidential decrees, --- a drafter of contracts for concessions.

**Bruto** There's where you draw heavily, drafting contracts; I'll exchange that niche for a chance to do a little drafting.

**Plumas** There's another thing you must remember, General,

-3-

Bruto (ApoIogetically, as though expecting to be contra-
dicted) --Oh, your Excellency, I am a man who can,
of course, cut his way with a machette --- but in
this diplomacy --- do you think----?

Bruto Well?

-4-

whisper) --If I were President of Nicaragua, first of all, a well paid army; the first money of the treasury would go to those valiant defenders of La Patria. Every citizen would be protected in the liberties vouchsafed him by the Constitution of the Republic; trusts would be busted and monopolies banished; conservation would be conserved and the cost of living reduced to a minus quantity. I would---

SONG --- "SAME OLD SPEECH".

**Plumas** Sh! Someone is coming. We'd better not be seen together. Assemble the army at eight o'clock to receive the orders of the day. (Exit Bruto)

(Enter Thurston)

**Thurston** Good morning, Mr Minister.

-5-

**Thurston** Japanese Commission? Will you tell me what a Japanese Commission is coming here for?

-6-

**Paquita** (Calling as she enters) --Papa'. papa'. (Seeing Thurston) --Oh, pardon me; I thought I heard my father's voice.

**Thurston** You did, senorita; he left just as you came in.

**Thurston** Yes, senorita.

-7-

Paquita Muchas gracias, senor.

Paquita (Laughing) --No, no, senor, your Spanish is very bad. No hay de que. (Pronunced---No eye day kay. Both laugh.)

Thurston Father's temper is rather touchy isn't it?

-8-

is so powerful.

**Thurston** You see, I am building the new railroad for the country. Now, as soon as I get a good gang of laborers together, the Government sends out and takes them for the army; so I came this morning and expressed my opinion to your rather in American fashion.

**Paquita** (Pleadingly) --Don't blame papa; it isn't his fault. It is the President who does that. He is a wicked man; I've heard papa say so. --
(Hesitating) --I could tell you something. --
(Resolved) --Don't you know why the President takes your men?

**Thurston** Yes.

**Thurston** Yes.

-9-

**Thurston** Not more beautiful than yours---I'm only an engineer, not a poet, but I could write a sonnet to your eyes. Let me see, (Takes both her hands and looks into her eyes) --What is it in them so dark and glowing that seems to set a fellow's heart on fire. Ah, I know, you've got those tropical eyes.

-11-

(Enter Plumas)

4. Those ---- (Thurston calmly rolls the paper, takes a match from his pocket and sets fire paper afire, them lights cigar from burning paper. Plumas looks on with sphinx like

-12-

Plumas
Adios, senor Thurston. (Turning to seat himself)
--How impolite these yankees are! Well, at last I
have a few moments to myself, I'll sit down and
think out a few plans of my own while I take it
easy.

Ger. Con. Goot morning, Meester Meenister.

Ger. Con. Ve come to see vat aboud dose concessions.

Ger. Con. But ve haf his promise, and ve all haf got de money.
Senss
Monsieur, you haf?

-13-

Ger. " Und you, meester?

Ger. " (Enthusiastically) --Tink of it! for a few tousant, a golt mine, perhaps, wurt millions; a mahogany grove, perhaps, vurt millions; a rubber forest, perhaps, vurt millions.

Fr. " Eet ees to tek ze candé from ze bebé. (All laugh)

(Enter Plumas)

Plumas The President has decided that upon payment uown of one half the concession money, work on the contracts will be begun at once.

-14-

**Concess.** Good!

**Ger.** Now, ven do ve draw?

**Ger.** (Hanging back) --Yes---but---

=(Exit Concessioners)=

=(Bugle call and drum taps; enter army)=

-17-

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Guzman When they reach de palace, see that de people gif
three vivas for Japan,-----

Bruto Yes, Your Excellency.

Guzman (Screaming) --No!-- (Tapping on his breast) --For
Guzman!-- (To army) --Attention! Colonel Castro!--
(Castro steps forward, and he and Guzman go down
stage) --Have you anything to report this morning?

-18-

**Guzman** Ah, senor Consul, you are de welcome breeze on so
hot a day. --(Laugs at his pun) -- Ha, ha, ha--
(Very expressively) --And you, senorita, you are
de fragrant zephyr.

**Guzman** Ha! But you see, I am not only de soldier, de
statesman and de orator, but also a poet and a wit.
regret to
Your cordial welcome makes me say that I have not
come on very welcome business.

-21-

Marion How lovely the army looks this morning! They've
 got new uniforms, haven't they?

Guzman (Sighing) --Ah'. you always change de subject.

Marion (Innocently) --What subject?

Guzman (With very expressive eyes and smile) --De subject
 of lof.

Marion Were you talking about love?

Guzman (Sadly) --What else do I ever speak of with you?

Marion (Smiling demurely) -- I knew you were feeling bad
 about something. I thought you were trying to tell
 me your symptoms.

Guzman (With spirit) --Listen! Nicaragua ees not so beeg
 like de United States, but what man in de United
 States can be so powerful as I am in Nicaragua? Ah,
 senorita, I gif you all dees power; I mek you de
 princess, I mek you de queen, I mek you de ampress.

Marion (Amused) --Ana what woula my father's title be?

Guzman (Significantly) --I prefer that your father remain
just de American Consul. --(As a brilliant idea)--
But, I will bestow upon him de Guzman Cross. --
(Touches one of the decorations on his breast.)

Marion (Smiling) --But I wouldn't know how to act like ei-
ther a princess, a queen or an empress.

Guzman Every "Yankeeta" is a princess.

-22-

**Guzman** "Yankeeta"? I gif you de definition. "Yankeeta" ees Spanish for one, dear leetle person from "Yankeelanda"---of gender---Iemale; --- of age---six-teen to---oh---er---thirty.

**Guzman** (With disgust) --Commission!-- (With show of jealous rage) --I know why you do not to me listen. You think Meester Thoorstone lof you; --(Marion starts) --and maybe he de, but he lof you with de heart of snow, I lof you wid de heart of fire. I lof you like only de boiling Nicaraguan---de boiled blood Nicaraguan---de---

**Marion** (Breathlessly) --Stop! stopy Don't kiss me any-where else---But this tropical love sounds good.

**Guzman** Don't you know that Meester Thoorstone is in lof with Paquita? Eef you don't believe me you can see for yourself; he has an appointment to meet her to-night on the esplanade at the Feast of Jeronimo.--

-27-

want the world to suspect that we know, new Japan
leaves to old; what we want the world to know that
we know, old Japan leaves to new. --(Winks---Uchi
nods and smiles.) --

**Guzman** I don't quite see the point but it sounds clever.
Now, senor Commissioners, allow me to introduce el
Consul Americano, his daughter, senorita Marion, "la"
Yankeeta", and my very dear friend, Meester Thoors-
tone.--(All now avknowledging introductions.)

**Kogi** The honor is heavy on our shoulders; Japanese got
soft spot in heart for Americans. --(Uchi nods, etc.)

-- (Thurston stands watching Japanese suspiciously.) --

**Guzman** Senor Commissioner, I accept your invitation of de-

-28-

Consul Your Excellency and Mr. Commissioners, we now beg
to take our leave.

Guzman Señor Consul, I can refuse you nothing. --(Profuse
bowing as Americans withdraw.)

Kogi (Taking Guzman down stage) --Now that our dear Ameri-
can friends have beat it, we will talk other little
business. Count twenty-three for peoples --(Indi-
cating chorus)-- and we make little propositions.

Uchi (As though just waking up) --Ya! ya!

Guzman (Surprised) --Can he talk?

Kogi Oh yes, but he never use language in large quantity.
He also hear very small.

Guzman What! he is also deaf?

Kogi Yes. You must speak him in elevated voice, or he
not comprehend.

Plumas He isn't blind, is he?

Kogi No, not quite, but he have very close vision.

Plumas Deaf, dump and blind! What is it that makes him
such a high commissioner?

Kogi He have three points which go to make wise man in
Japan; he say nothing --(Hands over mouth)-- he see

-30-

Guzman III understand that Mutsuhito ees de great planner.

Kogi Emperor Mutsuhito pay same honorable compliment to
President Guzman.

Guzman (With smiling expectancy) --Ana what did de Emperor
say?

Kogi He express nothing but silence. --(Look or disappointment on Guzman's face)-- You know, Emperor do not speak language, he speak only poetry. I knew he was composing poem for reply.

Guzman Ees de Emperor a poet? I also am great poet. --(To Plumas)-- Dr. Plumas, gif senor Kogi a marked copy of de Liberator which contains my ode to Guzman, to send to de Emperor. --(Plumas gives Kogi copy of

-31-

newspaper)

-33-

wide Lake Nicaragua; all to be done is cut little
ditch here; --(Indicating strip of land between
Lake Nicaragua and Pacific Ocean)-- Here we have
canal already nearly almost complete by Nature.
Ship's can be sailing through it before "Uncle Sam"
finishes with Dam Gatun.

Guzman
But, senor Kogi, the whole Panama Canal is to be
finished by 1915.

Guzman
Permit me once more, senor Kogi to hail once more
from ue place called Missouri.

Guzman
Now, let's come down to ue leetle <u>beezness</u>.

-34-

--- (Kogi with paper takes seat at extreme opposite side of stage. Pantomime of reading poem, first surprise, then disgust, them fatigue, then falls asleep) ---

Guzman The contract.

-35-

=(Guzman and Plumas do some figuring while Uchi, spying from half across stage, shows that he reads all that they put down. He copies their figures on a little ivory memorandum pad that hangs from his waist.)=

**Guzman** (To Uchi) --Now, señor Uchi, we will talk leetle beezness.

**Uchi** Ya! ya!

**Uchi** Ya! ya!

**Guzman** (Disgusted, and at top of voice. Kogi sleeps) -- How much money will Japan gif me in de hand? --(Extending right hand)

**Uchi** (With same bland smile) --Oh yes, very glad shake hand. --(Offers to shake)

-36-

**Uchi** Fifty-tousan yen.

**Uchi** Ya!

**Uchi** How much you want?

**Guzman** I think we better retire to my sound-proof office, and discuss de terms over a glass of champagne. (Exit all)

---

**(Enter Marion and Thurston)**

-37-

**Thurston** Yes, he's _cute_ and _cunning too_, I think. I don't
quite like the looks of this Japanese business.

**Marion** Hates us?

**Thurston** (With change of tone) --Oh, perhaps he doesn't hate
you.

**Marion** (Coyly, and tracing on the floor with her parasol) --
Why should he hate me?

**Thurston** (Pointedly) --Marion, I've known you since you were
a little tot, but do you know, I've just noticed
what golden hair, what dark blue eyes, what a straight

-2-

Paquita No hay de que, senor.

Thurston This is Spanish wit against Yankee grit; we'll
see which wins.

Paquita Oh, I hope you will win!

Thurston Hope? I know I'll win! Do you suppose "Uncle Sam"
is going to allow a little comic opera President
like that to hold up an American company and take
away real money? Not much.

Paquita But that's what President Guzman has been doing,
and soon he will be in a better position to con-
tinue doing it.

Thurston How so?

Paquita Do you know why these Japanese Commissioners are
here?

Thurston I know why they say they're here; but I have my
suspicions.

Paquita Well, they have drawn a secret treaty to finish
the old Nicaraguan canal.

Thurston What!

-2-

(Exit all except Guzman and Plumas.)

Guzman Well, Doctor, how do things look to you?

Plumas Everything always looks to me just as it looks to you, Your Excellency.

Guzman (Rubbing hands) --Everything ees going Guzman's way. Te Japanese Commissioners, by te generous use of champahne are my slaves; te canal treaty ees signed; proceedings begun to confiscate Thoorstone's railroad and te concessioners have just paid in te nice leetle sum of one hundred and fifty tousant dollairs. --(Sighing) --Oh, I am lucky in everything but lof.

Plumas Your Excellency is a man of destiny. Luck will never desert you. But---the Concessioners are threatening to appeal to their governments if they don't get their contracts.

Guzman Bah'. They won't be te first to appeal; but let them haf ter contracts.

Plumas Señor Thurston was talking with the American Consul to-day about the railroad case.

Guzman Again Bah! Don't teese peoples know ter ees such

-3-

a thing as a Monore Doctrine?

**Plumas** Old Bruto is dissatisfied; he wants his back pay, and his salary raised.

**Guzman** Salary! He ees a general in my army; isn't tat enough?

**Plumas** It doesn't seem to be.

**Guzman** Well, eef he says anything more about salary I'll bestow on him te Guzman cross; tat ought to satisfy him.

**Plumas** You have already given him the cross once.

**Guzman** Well, I gif him again te cross; I gif him te double cross.

**Plumas** Your Excellency knows.

**Guzman** You look after te Concessioners, I'll take care of Bruto and all te rest of tees beezness.
(Exit Guzman. Enter Concessioners.)

**Ger. Con.** (In determined manner) --Meester Minister, we come again to see vat aboud dose contracts.

**Plumas** (Smiling) --Ah, gentlemen, the contracts are all

-6-

**Ger. Con.** You haf already done for us.

**Guzman** *(Smiling)* --But ees tere nothing more I can
do for you?

**Ger.** No, py dam, and ve von't stand for vat you
haf alreaty did.

**Guzman** Why are vou gentelmen gifing te invitation
of feet-ball players. --(To **Ger. Con.**)--
Mr. Center Rush, explain te trouble.

**Ger.** Ve haf gif you one hündret and fifty tousant
dollars, you promise us some valuable consess-
ions, here you gif us de exclusive right toimport
fur coats and ice skates and steam radiators
into Nicaragua; vat beezness can ve make mit
dot?

**Guzman** And you call yourself business mens. Ca! Don't
you know te scientists say te climate of te whoøe
world ees to change? Maybe we haf another glacial
period. Then who knows what te climate of Nic-
aragua will be? With those concessions, my friends
you are dealing in futures, beeg futures.

**Chorus of Con.** We'll not stand for this swindle! We'll inform

÷7÷

our respective governments.

Guzman (Laughing) --Inform your respective governments,
inform them; they need information.

Cons. You beware!

Guzman I beware and you be damned! I do not fear your
collective respective nor your collective gov-
ernments; I stand on te safe side of te Monroe
Doctrine.

Ger. Con. Amazed) --You stand on de safe side of de Monroe
Doctrine? Vv I just saw you chumping up und down
on de Monroe Doctrine.

Guzman Ah, my friends, I peety you. I fear you can never
understand diplomacy as she flourishes in te tropics.
I curse te Monroe Doctrine through my Minister of
Interior and I bless eet through my Minister of
Foreign Affairs; I get results both ways, at
home and abroad.

Ger. Con. Meester President, ve go, but ve vill return, how-
ever. Ve know a ting or two, and ven ve come
back, ve vill come to get de goods.

(Exit Concessioners.)

-8-

**Guzman** Tat Monroe Doctrine ees a handy thing to haf around.

(Enter General Bruto and Army.)

**Guzman** General Bruto, what are you doing here with te army? Did I not tell you ter was a rumor of insurrection in te east? Did I not command you to take te field and crush te insurgents? What you do here?

CHORUS ---"WE STRIKE!"---

**Guzman** Now ees where Guzman te orator has a job. --(To army, striking orators pose, starting tearfully and working up to climax.)-- My fellow compatriots! My brothers in arms! It grieves my heart to hear such sentiments from the invincible legions which I haf so often led. Of course, you were invincible because I led you, but it grieves my heart nevertheless.

Here te country stands besieged. She sees te greedy eyes of te Powers of Europe on te front, and she felt feels te resounding whack of te beeg

-9-

stick on te rear, while above te Monroe Doctrine
hovers like a blackbird of night, his gleaming
eyes like lurid lightenings piercing te silurian
darkness, and his talons like te tenticles of te
slimy deep, tossed by tempestuous winds and shroud-
ed in gloomy clouds threatening to shut out forever
te dazzling sunlight of Liberty from this our
tropical paradise, as eet ees reaching it's zenith
in te----------

Army (With great enthusiasm) -- Viva la patria!!!

Guzman (Smiling) --Haf you forgotten te bloody victories
through which I led you?

Army (Loudly) --No'!!U'!

Guzman With La Patria tearing at her breast, will you
lay down your arms?

Army (More loudly) --No'!!.

Guzman Will you not strike back te proud oppressor's
hand?

Army (Automatically) --No'..!!

Guzman Will you not stand like another hand at another

## OPENING, ACT I.

**SCENE:** A room in President's palace. Entrances right and left. Back, an open court ef- fect, overlooking tropical scene; at least, one tall palm tree; mountains in deep back- ground. Curtain goes up on vacant stage. Tropical starlit night, slim moon in sky. Crowing of cock. Gradual fading of moon and stars, and lighting of stage until O- pening Chorus reaches climax, when stage is flooded with light. Chorus sings from wings. Begins softly, increases in volume with gradual lighting---reaches dramatic cli- max with full lighted stage. Scene begins with stage vacant.

-2-

The Yankee girl --- that's English for "Yankeeta",
There's nothing "Uncle Sam" can show to beat her.
I guess the old man can surmise
That's she's his real blue ribbon prize,
She's thorough from her head down to her feet-a
Among all other girls she' is a wonder,
Oh! she's the one on which to bet your plunder.
There's only one girl in the race
That seems to hit the proper pace,
And she's a winner ev'ry time,
By thunder!

CHORUS.

-2-

High commissioners, from Japan,
From Japan, from Japan,
Home of the bamboo and rattan
And rattan, and rattan,
Come to-day, so they say,
From over the sea, a very long way,
High commissioners, from Japan,
To pay a visit to the great Guzman.

(Enter President with others)

Then give three vivas for Japan
And three times three for the great Guzman
Then give three vivas for Japan,
And three times three for the great Guzman.

(Enter Commissioners)

Entrance song --- Kogi and Uchi.

(The last line of the verse should return to the melodic strain of the first line. Patter between verses.)

"THE HIGH COMMISSIONERS"

-1-

**Uchi** I am a high commissioner from Sunny Japan,
**Kogi** And so am I, although I dress like 'American man.
**Both** Whenever there's anything to be done
For the rising kingdom of the rising sun
The Emperor sends for us and tells us of his plan.

(Business --- Uchi trots around to other side of Kogi.
Kogi does statesman pose, one hand in
breast of Prince Albert coat.)

-2-

**Uchi** From an ancient line of samurai I proudly hail,
**Kogi** I wear the mark of "made at Harvard and at Yale".
**Both** Whenever there's delicate work to do,
Says the Emp to us, "I think it's up to you",
Then tip's us off and sends us out upon the trail.

(Business as before)

-2-

(Encore verses)

-3-

**Uchi.** I play a heathen part behind a smile serene, (smiles)
**Kogi** And I show off a modern mind, alert and keen. (poses)
**Both** With American hustle and nerve we mix
A few old Japanese, heathen tricks;
That makes us a combination pretty hard to clean.

(Business as before)

-4-

**Uchi** I represent the old Japan and old regime,
**Kogi** To represent the new Japan, that is my scheme,
**Both** We may have a thing or two yet to learn,
But there's one thing certain that you can discern,
We're on to the diplomatic game, and that's no dream.

-2-

Same old bluff.
It's the same old scream,
Same old screech,
The same old, same old,
Same old speech.

(Music to chorus played softly while Bruto striking attitude of ancient orator delivers following:
"My countrymen'. How long will ye be ground under
the tyrant's heel? How long will ye mingle your
blood with the dust? (weepingly) --- How long?
How long? --- (Dramatically) --- will ye be slaves
or freemen? If ye will be freemen, then follow me.
(Tableau) --- Sic semper tyranis.)

(Repeat chorus)

-2-

The same old speech, there's nothing about
It new.
The same old talk of what we promise
To do
And in that promise

(continued)

Is a barrel of fun;
For it's safe to bet it's
Ten to one,
That the dear, dear people
Is the thing that's done,
That's true.

## CHORUS

(Music of chorus played as before while Plumas
delivers following in high-pitched, long-drawn-
out voice, left hand in breast of coat after
manner of conventional statesman: "Fellow cit-
izens! What are the alarming conditions that
confront the country to-day. The masses are
being crushed under the ponderous machinery of
the trusts! A robber tariff is taking bread
from the mouths of widows and orphans; while
imperialism is gnawing away at the vitals of the
Constitution! If I am elected to Congress, ----
If I am elected to Congress, I will present a bill
----I will present a bill----(Bruto)----To the
trusts for services rendered.")

(Repeat chorus)

-2-

So it will never fall,
We'll nail, we'll nail
we'll nail, we'll nail
The "Big Stick" to the wall.

(Concessioners)

The "Big Stick" doesn't bother us,
But yet we cannot fail
To help our weaker brothers, so
We'll also drive a nail.
But there's the Monroe Doctrine, which
We do not like a bit,
So while we have hammers out
We'll take a knock at it.

(CHORUS)

(Commissioners)

We'll nail the "Big Stick" to the wall,
And round it we will drape
No streamers red and white and blue,
But ordinary crepe.
And underneath it we will hang
A farewell epitaph,
And hand to Uncle Samuel
The merry ha' ha' laugh.

(continued)

2

Those tropical eyes
Are filled with the light
Of the tropical skies;
Like southern stars they burn,
Sometimes they flash, sometimes they yearn;
They kindle a flame
That quickens my heart;
It's always the same,
When ~~ever~~ they play their naughty,
Dreamy, tropical game.

............

"I DREAMED THAT I WAS A ROSE."

( Sung by Paquita to Thurston. )

..................

-1-

(First verse as in a dream.)

I dreamed that I was a rose
That grew beside a lonely way,
Beside a path none ever chose,
And there I waited day by day.
Beneath the sunshine and the shower
I grew and waited there apart,
Gathering perfume hour by hour,
And storing it within my heart,
Yet never knew
Just why I waited there and grew.

-2-

(Second verse as awakening.)

I dreamed that you were a bee
That one day gaily flew along,
You came across the hedge to me,
And sang a soft, love-burdened song.

(Continued)

-2-

(Together)
PAQ. Love for me-----
THUR. This is a rather awkward situation

" MAR. That love is but a dream.
GUZ. The worthiest and strongest in the land.

" PAQ. Is joy and bliss supreme
THUR. It's one for which I made no preparation.

" PAQ. Such is my love
GUZ. I offer love

" MAR. Ah, love is not a thing to rest on
THUR. I haven't made the least suggestion

" PAQ. Do you know what is love?
GUZ.

" MAR. That is the one eternal question.
THUR.

" ALL That is the one eternal question.

................... (Continued)

-2-

(ENSEMBLE.)

What is love? What is love?
That is the question of the ages,
The question that has racked the brains
Of all philosophers and sages.
Some say it's but a dream, a dream of
gladness,
Some hold it as a plaything and a toy
To some it brings but bitter woe and
sadness,
To some it brings life's greatest bliss
and joy.

What is love? What is love?
It is a question that no answer covers
What is love? What is love?
The answer all depends upon the lovers.

..................

Male Chorus by Army.

"WE STRIKE!"

**BRUTO** Mister President I'm here to represent the Army.
(Very low notes)

**PRIVATE** The Army. --(High notes.)--

**CHORUS** Oh, Honorable Mister President Our Chief is here
to represent The Army.

**PRIVATE** The Army. --(High notes)--

**GUZMAN** It seems to me there's something doing,
Perhaps a coup d'état is brewing.

**BRUTO** The Army I'm commanding
You see before you standing
On a strike!

**GUZMAN** A strike?

**PRIVATE** A strike!

**GUZMAN** Bring me the code and let me see
If in it any law there be
Which gives permission for anything like
The army going on a strike.

(Continued)

-2-

There's no such law, or I could quote it;
I know the whole code, for I wrote it.

## CHORUS

Codes and laws we're not here to discuss,
Codes and laws they cut no ice with us.
Listen! Listen!

WE strike! We strike!
But not for home or native land
Against no strange and tyrant hand,
Not for our altars and our fires,
No zeal like that our stroke inspires,
But yet we strike, mark what we say
We strike! We strike, for bigger pay.

So we'll not load a gun or pull a trigger
Until our salaries are somewhat bigger
We are the standing army, we,
And here's just where we stand, you see,
And we'll not move until we know
That we are going to get more dough.

(Continued)

SONG AND DANCE

"THE FUNNY LITTLE MAN FROM SUNNY JAPAN."
(Japanese Commissioners with two girls.)

-1-

A funny little man
From sunny Japan
Came over the western sea,
Where he met a maid
And to her he said,
You look pretty good to me;
Oh, come to my island home, oh do!
And these are the things I'll give to you:

A jinrik'sha with a coolie man,
A silk kimona and an ivory fan,
I'll dress you up, if you'll only come,
In a big chrysanthemum --mum --mum,
And he continued to hum -- hum -- hum --,

(Continued)

SONG AND DANCE

-1-

(Continued)

-2-

Won't you come to sunny Japan,
Be the wife of Japanese man;
We'll live in a bamboo "shoji"
So cuddled up and cozy.
I will love you the best of all,
Dress you up like Japanese doll;
I'll do the best a Japanese can
To make you happy in sunny Japan.

SECOND VERSE.

The maid of the West
She thought it a jest,
The poor little Jap man sighed,
As to him she said,
"I, perhaps, would wed,
But not on the terms implied.
That silk kimona makes me smile,
My clothes must be in Parisian style.
No jinrik'sha, I prefer, by far,
A red six-cylinder touring car,
No hut for me by the bamboo tree,
But a house in the big citee-ee-ee,"
But the Jap kept up his plea, plea, plea.

-2-

(Concessioners)

(CHORUS)

(Commissioners)

We'll nail the "Big Stick" to the wall,
And round it we will drape
No streamers red and white and blue,
But ordinary crepe.
And underneath it we will hang
A farewell epitaph,
And hand to Uncle Samuel
The merry ha! ha! laugh.

(continued)

-3-

(CHORUS)

-F I N A L E-

We'll nail the "Big Stick" to the wall,
We'll do it with a dam,
We'll down, we'll down
We'll down, old "Uncle Sam".
We'll down, we'll down
Old "Uncle Sam".

(Enter Consul and other Americans. President gives alarm signal, and chorus finishes as follows:)

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, etc.
Hurrah! Hurrah! for Uncle Sam.
Hurrah! Hurrah! for Uncle Sam.

Now, we will
Nail the "Big Stick" to the wall,
We'll nail old "Uncle Sam",
Japan will dig the new canal
And put him in a jam.
We'll nail it fast
We'll nail it tight
So it will never fall,
We'll nail, we'll nail
We'll nail, we'll nail
The "Big Stick" to the wall.

OPENING CHORUS.

ACT I.

"SUNRISE IN THE TROPICS".

Sol, Sol, mighty lord of the tropic zone!
Here we wait with the trembling stars
To see thee once more take thy throne.

There the patient palm tree watching
Waits to say, "Good morn" to thee,
There's a throb of expectation
In the earth and in the sea.

Now, o'er nature falls a hush,
Look! The East is all a-blush!
Now behold, a crimson crest
Dim's the lute stars in the west,
And a glow of golden light
Puts the silv'ry night to flight,
Swift, the pale moon rades away

-2-

(Repeat chorus)

-2-

(continued)

-3-

Is a barrel of fun;
For it's safe to let it's
Ten to one,
That the dear, dear people
Is the thing that's done,
That's true.

## CHORUS

(Music of chorus played as before while Plumas delivers following in high-pitched, long-drawn-out voice, left hand in breast of coat after manner of conventional statesman: "Fellow citizens! What are the alarming conditions that confront the country to-day. The masses are being crushed under the ponderous machinery of the trusts! A robber tariff is taking bread from the mouths of widows and orphans; while imperialism is gnawing away at the vitals of the Constitution! If I am elected to Congress, ---- If I am elected to Congress, I will present a bill ----I will present a bill----(Bruto)----To the trusts for services rendered.")

(Repeat chorus)

-1-

(First verse as in a dream.)

-2-

(Second verse as awakening.)

(Continued)

-2-

(Together)

PAQ. Love for me-----

"

"

PAQ. Is joy and bliss supreme

"

PAQ. Such is my love

GUZ. I offer love

"

"

GUZ.

"

THUR.

"

............

(Continued)

-2-

(ENSEMBLE.)

..................

But after that's through,
Why there's nothing to do
But smoke--------smoke.

For life in the tropics is only a joke,
So we pass it in dreams, and we pass it in smoke,
Smoke--------smoke--------smoke.

( Enter "Tiste Girls".)

-4- b.

(Some bars of music, while birds are placed on
floor in pairs for short fight. Take up
birds)

Then it's off to the pit,
With it's merry noise and din,
And here's to the bird that's best,
And may he always win.
Then it's off to the pit,
With it's merry noise and din,
And here's to the bird that's best,
And may he always win.

..................

(Enter "Lottery Girls".)

-7-

"DANCING GIRLS".

(Cigarillos take guitars and thrum accompaniment.)

..........

Do you know what it is to dance?

There's no doubt that you do, in a fashion,

But by dancing we mean,

Not what's generally seen,

But dancing of fire and passion,

Of rapturous fire and passion.

(Cigarillos pair with dancing girls. Full chorus
takes up melody and parts.)

With a dusky-haired senorita

Her langurous eyes near your own,

And her scarlet-red mouth,

Like a rose of the south,

The reddest that ever was grown,

So close that you catch

Her quick-panting breath

As across your own face it is blown,

with a sigh----------

And a moan----------

Ah! that is dancing

That is dancing,

tropics they're known (Continued)

-7- b.

Now, whirling and twirling
Like furies we go,
Now, soft and carressing,
And senuously slow,
With an undulating motion,
Like the billows of the ocean;

Ah! that is dancing,
That is dancing,

As we dance in the tropics, you know.

(Short dance of girls. Enter premiere, Paquita. Dance
with guitar accompaniment.)

........

(A short phrase from each of the sets as they come down
front, leading to final ensemble.)

ENSEMBLE.

..................

Then on with the feast,
The feast of Jeronimo;

(Continued)

-7- C.

The town we'll cover with a coat of paint,
In honor of this jolly old saint,
Then on with the feast,
With dancing love and laughter,
To-night we'll taste the joys of life,
No matter what comes after,
No matter what comes after.

............

(Exit Chorus laughing, throwing confetti, general gaiety.
Paquita remains.)

-1-

know them.

**Paquita** Yes, but it's nicer to have someone make you believe them.

**Thurston** It's too bad, our conversation was interrupted this morning.

**Paquita** Yes, I had lots of other things to tell you.

**Thurston** What was it you were saying when---

**Paquita** Oh, I was asking you if Miss Breeze had beautiful eyes too.

**Thurston** (Slightly annoyed) --No, we had passed that; you were speaking of President Guzman.-- (Both look around cautiously.)

**Paquita** Ah yes, I was telling you why the President didn't want you to finish your railroad.

**Thurston** Yes, yes, that was it.

**Paquita** And I was going to tell you that he has already taken steps to cancel your contract and confiscate the road.

**Thurston** The devil, you say!---I beg your pardon, señorita.

-2-

**Paquita** No hay de que, señor.

**Thurston** This is Spanish wit against Yankee grit; we'll see which wins.

**Paquita** Oh, I hope *you* will win!

**Thurston** Hope? I know I'll win! Do you suppose "Uncle Sam" is going to allow a little comic opera President like that to hold up an American company and take away real money? Not much.

**Paquita** But that's what President Guzman has been doing, and soon he will be in a better position to continue doing it.

**Thurston** How so?

**Paquita** Do you know why these Japanese Commissioners are here?

**Thurston** I know why they say they're here; but I have my suspicions.

**Paquita** Well, they have drawn a secret treaty to finish the old Nicaraguan canal.

**Thurston** What!