## Pieces contain'd in this Book.

THE INSCRIPTIONS on the PEDESTAL of the BUSTO from which the *Effigies* here prefix'd, is taken.

A Letter to the Writer of a Letter to a Noble Lord, &c.

A Letter to a Noble Lord, occasion'd by the late Publication of the
*Dunciad Variorum*.

The MARTINIAD: A Poem: In One Book.

Curious NOTES thereon, with some Excerptions from *Scriblerus*.

## APPENDIX, containing,

The ART of Writing Poetry, without a Genius, taken from the
Works of *Martinus Scriblerus*.

A PARODY on the Verſes written by an ingenious Divine, on Mrs.
*Biddy L—*

A DIALOGUE between *Hurlothrumbo* and *Death*.

A LIST of Books that will ſpeedily be published by the Author of
the *Martiniad*.

No INDEX of Perſons celebrated in this Publication; none being
celebrated therein, but *Scriblerus* and his Man *William*.

( vi )

The SPANISH INSCRIPTION.

Dicito es al Poeta escribir otra la Embidia,
En dizer mal delos Embidiosos, e afi de otros
Vicios, con que no Senále Persona Alguna
Pero ay Poetas, que a trueco de dizer una
Malicia, se pondran en Peligro, que los deftierren
A las Iflas de Ponto. Miguel de Cervantes.

The ENGLISH INSCRIPTION.

Artift, no longer let thy Skill be shown,
In forming Monfters from the Parian Stone;
Chufe for this Work a Stump of crooked Thorn,
Or Log of Poifon Tree, from India born:
There carve a Pert, but yet a Rueful Face,
Half Man, half Monkey, own'd by neither Race.
Be his Crown Picked, to One Side reclin'd,
Be to his Neck his Buttocks clofely join'd;
With Breaft protuberant, and Belly thin,
Bones all diftorted, and a frivell'd Skim.

This his Mifhapen Form: But fay, what Art
Can frame the monft'rous Image of his Heart.
Compos'd of Malice, Envy, Discontent,
Like his Limbs crooked, like them impotent.
But, Sculptor, fince by thee this can't be done,
Nor will thefe Paffions live in Wood or Stone;
Thine be the Talk to carve his Carcaſs foul,
The Dunciad only can defcribe his Soul.

A LETTER

( I )

A
LETTER
TO THE

Writer of a Letter to my Lord ---

Occasion'd by a Letter to the PublisHER of
the preſent Edition of the *Dunciad Vario-*
*rum.*

SIR,

THE Author of the *Dunciad* has now oblig'd himself, and is
perfectly happy in beholding his illuftrious Brat, the juſt Sem-
blance of his ſweet temper'd Parent, make his Appearance :
He had long promis'd, or rather threaten'd the Publick with this Edi-
tion; but Nobody would believe, that any Creature could be hardy,
or vain, or wicked enough, to undertake to utter a virulent Lampoon,
with the Names of many worthy Perſons at full Length; but it ſeems,
the Rancour of his Mind has got the better of his Fears, and the Itch
of Scribling is much ſuperior to the Dread of Chaſtifement.

Well then, having (like Cæsar) written his own Commentaries, and
given himſelf various Readings upon himſelf, having guarded himſelf
on all Sides, and furrounded his Text with *Prolegomena, Teſtimonia,
Arguments, Indexes, Appendix, &c.*, and adorn'd himſelf with all the
Pomp and Trappings that uſually attend the Dignity of an eſtabliſh'd
Writer of Antiquity: Behold him ſtrutting into the World, and ex-
pecting to receive the Reverence due to his Quality, *Optat Ephippia Mus*,

B

and

( 2 )

and however awkwardly they become him, he rejoices in them. Behold
him now proclaiming himself a Claſſick; behold a Personage whom he
ſtiles William Cleland, walking gravely before our Poetical Dictator, bare
Headed, with the Faſces on his Shoulder; and a little behind him, an
ugly Northern Thing, formerly his Colleague in Scandal and Criticifm,
an odd Mixture of Doctor, Poet, Buſſoon, Punſter, Politician, Antiqua-
ty, and Cook; methinks I see them now marching in Solemn Parade,
round the new created Claſſick's Garden at Twickenham; I hear them
repeating the Dunciad, and the neighbouring Shores refound his Verſes.

Yet has not the Author of the *Dunciad's* Vanity outrun his Judgment
for many Lengths, to perfuade him to fet his own Name to this modeſt
Performance; therefore has he borrow'd, and very properly, the Name
of *Martinus Scriblerus*; and not content with this, or apprehenſive this
was not a ſufficient Protection for him, he has publiſh'd a Letter to his
Publiſher, and ſign'd it *William Cleland*.

I have many Reaſons which inſtuct me to believe, that this Friend
of *Scriblerus's*, whom he calls *William Cleland*, is a counterfeit Friend
only, and the Words ſtand like *Richard Roe*, and *John Doe*, for Form
Sake only, in a Recovery, and to give the Modeſt Author of the *Dunciad*
an Opportunity of faying ſomething pretty in his own Favour. Mr.
*Congreve*, in his *Way of the World*, ſhews us a Coxcomb, who uſed to
enquire for himself at a Chocolate-houſe, and not finding himself there,
would leave Letters for himself: But our little merry Author goes far-
ther; he prints Letters to himself, writes Libels, threatens, forgives,
punifhes, and is really the *Drawcanſir* of the Age.

In the Publiſher's Preface, (for our *Claſſick* gives us a Publiſher's Pre-
face, as well as a Preface to the Publiſher) he takes upon him to an-
fwer for Poſterity, and very modeſtly aſſures us, that this inſipid Poem
will be read by Poſterity: These are his Words, *In this Monument they muſt
expect to ſurvive (And here ſurvive they ſhall, (Oh dreadful !) as long as
the Englifh Tongue ſhall remain ſuch as it was in the Reigns of Queen Anne
and King George.*) If this Pigmy Animal's Wit could come up to his
Malice, what Work would he make with thofe who ſhould be ſo unhappy
to fall under his Displeaſure! But as it is, if this Monument, as he calls
it, ſhould laſt; let the preſent Age inform him, and hereby it does in-
form him, that it will ſtand only as a Monument of his Inſamy; and
thofe that come after us will and muſt believe, the Perſons who ſtood
the Marks of his petulant Malice, to be Worthy and Good Men; and
the Enemies of the Author of the *Dunciad*, will be always look'd
upon as the Friends of Virtue; they will fee a little invidious narrow

Mind

( 3 )

Mind in every Line he has written; they will blush at his indecent Idæas, and be shock'd at his Scurrility. Therefore I applaud your Design, Sir, of printing your Letter in Quarto, exactly on the fame Size with that of the *Dunciad Variorum*; let it be bound up with it; let them cling together through every Age; there the Author of the *Dunciad* shall survive, and survive he shall — As long as the English Tongue shall remain such as it was in the Reigns of Queen Anne, and King George. If this should be the Cause, What Courage, what Allies, what Stature must future Ages conceive this Giant Warriour to be aided with? They will imagine him at least to be Seven Foot high, beyond the Growth of his Cotemporaries, both in Stature and Understanding. Will they not be furprized, when I assure them, and I do hereby assure them, (for I, Sir, put in my Claim to Immortality too, by being annexed to you) that this fame Gyant, was but about four Foot and an Half high, of a Structure a little irregular, and his Genius Low and indecent as his Form.

But I lose my Purpose, which was to show the Improbability that any Man should be so weak or unadvised, or hungry after any Sort of Fame to so mean a Degree, to place, or suffer his Name to be placed before a leud and infamous Libel; therefore I say, This fame Author has written a Letter to himself in the Name of one William Cleland, and made him to commend and applaud the Author, for what every one knows he is liable by the Laws of the Land to be punished when he shall be discovered; and for this Cause, at the fame Time that he has placed every Gentleman's Name whom he has abused at full Length, he has not dared to subscribe his own.

It is usual for the Merry Andrew after he has play'd over his arch Tricks for some Time, to put on a grave Face, to rectify his Muscles, and to harangue his Audience in a more sober Wife, to prepare them to receive the Doctor with Respect; and this is always done in a prefatory Way, before the Doctor produces his Medals, or his Pacquets, or proceeds to poison himself or the Company. Our Doctor of the *Dunciad* has thought it proper, it seems, that somebody should for Form sake take upon him this Character; and if he has not made his suppofed Friend to rife to the Dignity of his Zany, he may at least be allowed to be the Vinegar of the Ring, and be qualified to whip the People into a Circle before the Sports begin. As the Character of this W. C. thus drawn by the Libeller, is of a very uncommon Kind, I will give it you in some Observations upon this merry Letter of the Author of the *Dunciad*, in the Name of this W. C. to the Publisher

B. 2.

of

( 4 )

of the *Dunciad*; that is, to Nobody, it having been never publickly
fold when he wrote his Letter: So that here is one W. C. whom
Nobody ever heard of, writing to a certain Publisher, whom No-
body knew.

This fame Author says, in the Name of W. C. that it was a
Mark of his Humanity to stay so long before he executed his Vengeance
upon those who had offended him: Now, as Nobody knows better
than he, the Strength and Bitternefs of his own Gall, Nobody can
affure us so well as he, how long Malice will keep alive, fifteen or
twenty Years at least it seems; but now as this Humanity of his
(as he is pleas'd to call it) would be a very dangerous Plea at the
Old Baily in an Indictment for the destroying a Man's Person, I
think it should weigh as little with the Candid, in justifying the De-
fraction of a Man's Reputation.

But he makes his *William Cleland* a Party to his Crime likewife,
and declares he afflied in compofing the Libel: He makes him
affirm, he was obliged to it in Humanity, for, says he, very gravely,
*It was an Orphan*; an Orphan Libel. Libels are all Orphans, dear
*William Cleland*, a Sort of Children whom their Fathers never care
to own, and though your Humanity may be very great, I think
in this Cafe your Prudence will hardly weigh against it; there are
very good Reafons why this fame Author does not own his Child;
and if you knew or confider'd them, fure you would not thrufft
your Ears into the Dispute; but I forget that this W. C. is only
an *Ens Rationis*, a Man of Straw, fet up by the candid Author of
the *Dunciad*, to combat for him.

Immediately after this, our Libeller forgot what he juſt before af-
firm'd, and makes this very W. C. to ſay, He has found out the
Father of the Baſtard; he makes him moſt impudently to declare
Mr. Pope to be the Author: If he means, as I hope he does not,
the Poet of that Name, who has been ſo much oblig'd by the Pub-
lick, who is, or ought to be by his Education, a Gentleman, whom
Books ought to have taught Humanity, and polite Converſation and
Letters, Decency and good Manners; what does this infamous Au-
thor deferve for making his W. C. abufe him in this Manner. But
the Reaſons he gives why he conceives Mr. Pope to be the Author, are
equally ſcurrilous and ridiculous. Every one was curious (ſays he) to read
what could be ſaid to prove Mr. Pope a Dunce, and was ready to pay
something for ſuch a Discovery. How came he to imagine every one
was curious to find this Gentleman a Dunce; if he knows him to be
the

( 5 )

the Author of the Dunciad, every Man of common Senfe may easily
judge what he is ; but as the Perſon who has written that low and in-
famous Satyr, has not yet dared to fet his own Name before it, I
think it did not become this fame W. C. whoever he is, to do it for
him. If W. C. was a real and not a feign'd Perſon, I do not doubt
but Mr. Pope would do himſelf Juitce for this Abufe, and recur to the
Laws for Satisfaction upon him.

But this Author of the Dunciad, whoever he is, muſt be a plea-
fant Fellow, for he goes on, and makes his Man of Straw, W. C.
declare, that when he ſaw Mr. Pope attack'd or written againſt, or
anſwer'd by thoſe who were abuſed (for he will have him to be his
Author ſtill) that he thought it was become a common Caufe; the
Danger was common to all, and his Concern ought to be ſo too; and
he cauſes him very feriouſly to deliver it as his Opinion, That thoſe
who attack'd Mr. Pope, muſt be Traitors to Church and State, and Wo-
men, (ſtrange Stuff) a little venemous Wretch, not Mr. Pope, is laſh'd
for his Ribaldry and his ill Nature; and this Author makes one
W. C. without any other Proof but his bare Word, to declare,
That they have inſulted the Fallen, the Friendleſs, the Exil'd, and the
Dead. It is plain, he would in this Place put his W. C. upon us for
one not well affected to our preſent Eſtablishment. It is very well
there is no ſuch Perſon as this W. C. If there ſhould be ſuch a
one, and he ſhould have a Place under the Government, what Cha-
ſtifement would not this low Author merit, for putting theſe Words
into his Mouth. We do very well know ſome People have fallen
in the unhappy Divifions of our Country (as he gently terms the late
unnatural Rebellion) ſome are Friendleſs, ſome Exil'd, and others Dead,
and therefore, thoſe who have written againſt theſe People, muſt bear
the Laſh of our Author's Satyr; if it be true that they have inſulted
theſe People, let our Author remember, that they firſt inſulted their
Country and its Laws.

This fame Friend of his goes on, and does now diſcover ſome Fears
that hang about him, leaſt he ſhould be taken for a Fool or a Knave, by
keeping Mr. P--- Company; though it lucky happens, that his wri-
ting this Letter has determined his Character; yet he very judiciously
conceives, it was his Duty to vindicate him in Print from all Calum-
ny, or to be deemed either the One or the Other; ſo that ac-
cording to this Notion, all the Acquaintance of Mr. P--- are oblig'd
to Print in his Vindication, or to be eſteemed Fools or Knaves: Here
the Author puts forth his whole Head.

This

(6)

This can only be the over-weening Conceit of a Self-sufficient Writer ; an assuming spurious Classick, asserting his Supremacy, and demanding Obedience, as you will see ; for immediately after this, he affects the Regal Stile ; he caufes his W. C. to proclaim his Royalty, and accordingly heiffues his Edicts, That all Offenders against him shall be chaufised : He likens them to Affaffins ; he fays, Poverty (hall not be any Excufe, nor to be pleaded before him, no more than at the Old Baily, neither fhall they, fays he, receive the Benefit of the Clergy. But fome Time after this, his Majefty cools, he is graciously pleas'd to fhew Mercy, and he makes his Herald W. C. to grant his Dunces a little Bread, and a little Fame. How ridiculous is it, to fee a diminutive ftrutting Thing, ereing himſelf into a Mock-Sovereign : A modeſt Homuncio, who at the fame Time that he privately affaffinates, calls thofe whom he wounds, Affaffins ? But let us confider this Author of the Dunciad, as he really is, a Perſon Poetically mad, jealous of Fame, and envious of every Rival, graſping at the ſmallest Shadow of Reputation, all his Attention fix'd to one Point, raving after imaginary Honours, and feeking Infamy in Fame, and we ſhall incline to Pity rather than Cenſure. This throws into ones Mind the Situation of the Mad Taylor in Bedlam, who called himſelf Alexander the Great, was gracious, and bountiful, and juſt, and cruel, and victorious, and good, and bad, as thofe Ideas ſtruck his ſick Brain.

By this Time, Sir, you may imagine, I am not a little weary of raking into this Heap of Nonſense and Vanity now before me; but as I now caſt my Eye forward, I can't help obſerving upon this imaginary Letter Writer, where he tells us, The Author of the Dunciad has a Contempt for the Writings of thofe he has written against : This is not at all unlikely ; One very ſeldom has a good Opinion of thofe whom one has an ill Opinion of ; but they are Dunces, and ſhould be abufed for pretending to Wit : If this be the Cafe, neither the Great Seriblerus, nor W. C. nor Mr. P--- himſelf, are exempt from the Lash of Satyr ; for Great, Dignify'd, Letter'd, as they are, ſomebody may Print and declare them Dunces, and attempt to diſplace this Stupendous Magiftrate and all his mad Miniftry, who uſurp the Throne of Wit. What a very ſcanderberg of an Author is this !

W. C. I mean the Author of the Dunciad, in his Name, goes on and compares Boileau to himſelf : What has the Great Boileau done, to deferve to be compared with an inſignificant Ribald ? But as he is now concluding his elegant Epiftle, he makes W. C. as is uſual in the Beginning.

( 7 )

Beginning of a new Reign, to publish an Act of Grace, and Mercy
is offered to those who shall repent and merit it: These are his
Royal Words by W. C. If ever He (the Author of the Dunciad) shall give
us an Edition of this Poem himself, I may see some of them treated as
gently (on their Repentance and better Mind) as Perault and Quinault
were at last by Boileau.

This little bouncing mock Emperor concludes in the Name of W.C.
with this singular Observation on Mr. P—'s Modefty, that he never
wrote a Line, that he was ever asham'd or unwilling to own. Now, I
think it is impoffible any Person but Mr. P. himself can be affur'd of
this, at least, nobody but Mr. P. can know that Mr. P. has no manner of
Grace, or Modefty, or Morals; and he muſt be a very Blunderer of a
Letter-Writer, who could venture to affure the Publick ſo, and in the
Name of one, who pretends to be ambitious of being call'd his Friend.

If now, Sir, after all the Reaſons I have given to the contrary, this
W. C. ſhould happen to be an Exiſtence ſeparate from Scriblerus it appears
however, very plainly, from his Manner of Thinking, that he is very
like him, and therefore might eaſily be miſtaken for him. In this Cafe,
we can only ſay, that the Paſſion of Friendſhip has miſled him, and we
muſt forgiſe the Weakneſs of his Head, for the Warmth of his Heart.
This Praife-worthy Zeal, for maintaining a Caufe, the Goodneſs or Bad-
neſs of which, the Advocate is absolutely ignorant of, reminds me of a
Story, told me by a very merry old Fellow, who was in his Youth
enroll'd as a private Gentleman in the Life-Guards of King William:
He was in Eſteem with the reſt of the Troop, as a Soldier of Let-
ters, and was call'd by the Gentlemen of the Belt, by Way of Di-
ſtinction, The Schollar. This Charaſter he bore unrival'd for ſome
Time, 'till a Brother of the Sword, grew jealous of his Reputation, and
fet up againſt him. His Rival, who had been Book-keeper to a
Carrier, (and from thence derived his Title to Letters) took every Op-
portunity of oppoſing him, when any Subjeſt, a little out of the Reach
of the reſt of the Company, was ſtarted. One Evening, my Friend,
in the Height of his Argument, threw out a Sentence of Tully, and
was immediately taken up by his Antagoniſt for false Latin; the De-
bate ran high, the Troop divided upon the Point, and yet were un-
willingly to determine poſitively in a Caufe, into the Merits of which,
they could not ſee; 'till one, who was the Book-keeper's Comrade,
a very brave, tho' not a learned Man, pull'd him by the Sleeve,
and leading him into a private Room, directed him to lay his Hand
upon his Heart, and inform him, upon his Honour, Whether the

Words

(10)

tisfy your Lordship, as to these two Particulars, in Return for your
Goodnefs in lending me this Book, when I had fought for it in vain,
by the Means of all the Booksellers and Publifhers in Town. It may
not be improper at the fame Time to acquaint you, that Copies have
been left at many Peers Houfes, in the fame Manner as your Lord-
ship's was, whilft the Favourites of the Author have had whole Cargoes
fent them to difpofe of. Thus has a little infignificant Lampooner, with
unparallell'd Impudence, made People of the firft Quality, privy to,
and fome of them innocently Publifhers of his Scandal; for which,
doubtleſs he will be chaſtified as he deferves.

I find at the Head of this Libel, a long flupid Letter, which 'tho' sub-
fcrib'd by another Name, muſt doubtleſs be Scriblerus's, or, which is
the fame Thing, the Author of the Dunciad's Encomium upon him-
felf. He has, I know not with what Intent, brought in the Praifes too
of one Mr. Pope, maliciously infinuating, that this Poem was of his
compoſing, which one would fancy it impoffible it ſhould be; for
that Writer, after having acquir'd the Dignity of a Poet, would ſurely
never condeſcend to accept of the Office of Scavenger, and rake into
all the Filth of the Town. I confefs, I at firſt conceiv'd the Name sub-
fcribed to this Letter, to be ſuch an one as Scriblerus, but I have
been ſince affured, that it is no fictitious Name, but the real one of
a Perſon now living, who is deeply read in the Indexes of Books
and the Secret Histories of Families. Whether this be the Letter-
writer's eſtablish'd Character or not, the World muſt judge; but this
I will venture to affirm, that as the Real Author of the Dunciad can add
no Reputation to this William Cleland, ſo this William Cleland can add
no Reputation to the Author of the Dunciad. Should there be any
Thing here like the Aſſociation between the Lion and the Jackcall, I believe
in this Cafe, the Jackcall would prove the greater Beaſt of the Two :
Not that I would be hereby thought to exclude this Perſon from any
Title he may have to the other of these Appellations. I remember to
have been preſent at a Trial for a Rape, wherein, the Girl, to prove
her former Chaſtity, brought in an old Bawd for her Evidence: Doubt-
leſs this Story will admit of no Application in the preſent Cafe; but
to uſe a Scrap of this Man's own Scrap of Latin, FASTIDITIS
GRATIAM.

Being then oblig'd to preſume, that Mr. Pope's known Veracity and good
Nature would not admit him to be ſuſpected of having wrote ſuch an Heap
of Lies and Abufe as is contained in the Dunciad; I have uſed my ut-
moſt Endeavours to diſcover the true Author of that Poem, and having
ſucceeded

(II)

succeeded in my Research, I have prefix'd to this Tract his *Effigies*, as it has been exactly transcribed from a *Buo*to, which was return'd upon a certain ingenious Sculptor's Hand, for resembling, in a modish unflattering Manner, the Original. By the *rueful* Features of it, I am confident your Lordship will immediately discover who is the renown'd Father of the *Dunciad*.

You will not, I am sure, expect that I should enter into an Examination of the Poetical Merit of that Piece; that would subject me to a Task, for which I am wholly unfit; I mean, the reading it a second Time. But I am well inform'd, that the Reception which the first Edition met with from the Town, shewed that the Performance was thought as mean as the Defign. In my curfory View of it, tho' I met with some Lines here and there Poetical enough, yet I thought the Generality of them very Profaick, the whole Tale loose and unconnected, the Transitions unnatural, the Parodies on the modish admir'd Paffages of the Ancients, were not only too frequent, but likewise too faintly and poorly wrought up, either to strike or delight the Reader; and besides, the Naftineſs of the *Games*, and of all the Imagery in the Poem, the very Language often funk into downright Ribaldry, as when a *Gentlewomans Breasts* are ftiled her *Fore-Buttocks* or her *Cow-like Udders*. Upon the whole, I judg'd this *Dunciad* to be below all Criticism, both as to its Stile and Verifiication.

Indeed, the Morality of it, as well as of the Notes of *Scriblerus* and *Variorum*, may deferve a much stricter Scrutiny. Felons in the Condemn'd Hold at *Newgate*, who have no Characters to forfeit, and but little Enjoyment of Life to loose, may venture to attack the Reputations of other Men, without Fear or Shame; but, unleſs under those Circumftances, none but a Madman could be tempted to do it. How ſhall I aſtoniſh your Lordſhip then, when I affure you, that no desperate Raver, but a poor Reptile; who, as he is the modish helpleſs, is likewife the modish timid Creature living, has acted this Part. He is become a voluntary Prifoner to his own Houſe, rather than not enjoy the pitiful Pleasure of aſperſing with Impunity, Perſons, all of them better Members of the Community than himſelf, and many of them of a much higher Rank in Life than he muſt ever pretend to; who can only derive a *Mock Title*, not from his Anceſtors, but his Shoulders. In his first Edition he had traduc'd certain Characters, for which every one has always had the utmoſt Veneration, and thinks now, by leaving out the Names of ſome, and falſly filling up the

C 2

Blanks

( 12 )

Blanks of others, as well as by abſconding for a Time, to eſcape the
Stripes that ought to be the juſt Reward of ſuch Writings. How mon-
ſtrous therefore has it been, to infinuate, that they have reach'd a
Prefence, where Good Nature, Truth, and Humanity only can be gra-
ciouſly receiv'd or encourag'd; the Revere whereof are the Charaſte-
riſticks of the Dunciad ?

I am fenſible that the Retailers in Scandal have always endeavour'd
to paſs upon the World by the laudable Appellation of Satyrifts, and
would take Shelter under the great Names of Horace, Juvenal, and
Boileau. Not confidering, that theſe Precedents will never be to their
Purpofe; thoſe generous Correctors of Vice, never attack'd Perſons, but
Errors, nor ever expos'd the private Charaſter, but the publick Ap-
pearance of Men, at the fame Time taking eſpecial Care to pay the
ſtrictest Regard to Truth, even while the Scourge was in their
Hands; and therefore, Boileau, in his own Vindication, ſpeaking of
Chapelain, who was a bad Poet, ſays,

En blamant ſes ecrits, ai je d'un Style Aſſreux
Difſille ſur ſa Vie un Venin Dangereux.

I muſt likewife inform this half-learned Tribe, that the Codrus of Ju-
venal, which theſe abuſive Writers ſo often quote for their Juſtification,
was no real Perſon, but a Name deſign'd in general to ſignify any bad
Poet.

True and juſt Satyr will always have its Weight; Scandal will al-
ways be condemn'd: The one is beneficial to Society, the other is detri-
mental to it. Whenſoever a Man has taken upon himſelf the Profef-
ſion of any Art or Science, by Writing, or otherwife, he has certainly
ſubmitted his Talents therein to the Judgment of the World. A Wri-
ter therefore, who in that Art or Science, conſistent with good Man-
ners, expoſes the Defects of his Fellow Writer, be it by Ridicule or
Argument, is guilty of nothing that is blameable, but rather does a
Praife-worthy Action, by endeavouring to reſtify the Judgments of
Men, and prevent Pretenders to Science from impoſing on the Publick.
The cenſuring an Author then, only as ſuch, is what every Man has a
Right to do, from the Moment he appears in Print, Hanc Veniam peti-
muſq; Damuſq; viciffim. But under this Pretext to attack his private Re-
putation, as a Member of Society, muſt be the Refult of the fame vil-
lainous Principles, as would lead a Man to be guilty of Robbery or
Murder, had he Courage enough for the Road. The Civil Magiftrate
alone

( 13 )

alone has a Right to enquire into Mens Personal Characters, and if they
deferve it, to expose and punish them: And it seems but just, that
this Authority should be vested solely in him, since no one else can,
with any Certainty, be inform'd of what passes in private Life.

The Predecessors of the Writer of the *Dunciad*, the elaborate Authors of *Grubstreet*, have frequently transgress'd this equitable Rule, and finding too general a Propensity towards enquiring into the Blemishes of (otherwife) Great Characters, have sometimes been pretty liberal of their Personal Reflections, in order to render their several *Dunciads* the more Saleable: Yet these Men had at least so much Decency, as to do this under feign'd Names, or by pointing at. Persons only by their initial Letters, which were lyable to various Readings. Thus, whilst the Obscurity of their Scandal screen'd them from Punishment, their very Proceeding was a tacit Confection of the Guilt of such Inve链ves. But it was doubtless referv'd for the Modeft Author of the *Dunciad* to invent the *Ne plus ultra* of Scandal, by calling Men, every Way his Superiors, *Rogues, Blockheads, Drunkards, and Liars*, in Print, with their Names at length, whilst he fuppresses his own, that he may be exempt from the Fear of a very low Punishment, but to which his Ears seem to be legally entitled.

As this is my firſt Appearance in Print, I have hitherto eſcap'd the
Malice of this Scandalmonger's Pen, and do not now write out of any
Hatred to him, but real Love for Mankind. A Regard to Humanity,
and the Rules of Society, have rais'd in me an Indignation againſt a Wri-
ter, who has the Inſolence to appear in Publick, in Deſiance of them
all. I am reſolv'd, therefore (tho' ſuch a Procedure, with Relation to
any honeft Man would be deteſtable) to mark him to the World; let us
examine a little into the Character of this diminutive Creature, who
makes ſo free with thofe of other Men.

I find, that upon his firſt coming to Town, out of pure Compassion
for his exotick Figure, narrow Circumftances, and humble Appearance,
the late Mr. Wycherley admitted him into his Society, and ſuffer'd him,
notwithstanding his Make, to be his humble admirer at Will's, and af-
terwards finding in him a glimmering of Genius, recommended him
to some People of Rank, and introduc'd him to the moſt eminent Men
of Letters, which Courteſy he ſoon after repaid with a fatyrical Copy
of Verſes on his Benefactor: This put an End to their Correspondence
ſome Time before Mr. Wycherley dy'd. His Acquaintance by this
Means being made with Sir Richard Steele, and Mr. Addifon, they
likewise, in Compassion to his unhappy Form, and deftitute Condition,
endeavour'd

( 14 )

endeavoured to procure him a Support under both, by fetting on Foot
a Subscription in his Behalf; it was, indeed, for a Work, which (as
has since appeared) they must have known he was not equal to; but
they hoped, with their friendly Affiance, to have supply'd his Defects.
However, his Subscriptions were no sooner full, when the little mif-
chievous Urchin, no longer able to contain his Malice, wrote a Satyr
upon both these Gentlemen, (as he did afterwards an abusive Libel on
one of them;) and as many Things which had pafs'd in private Con-
verfation at Button's Coffee-house, came to be known by the Lord O—,
of which Infidelity Scriblerus was suspected, he was obliged to absent
himself for some Years from thence. After this, he lifted openly in the
Tory Service, and every Week publish'd scandalous Inveſtives on thofe
very Whigs, who had been his ampleſt Subſcribers. He was in this ho-
nourable Occupation, when the late Queen dy'd; and our Poet soon
changing his Note, found Means to be introduced to ſome of the young
Ladies of the Court. Four of theſe, who were his best Friends and
Patroneſſes, (as they are to any Thing that carries the Face of Wit or
Learning) he abufed in a Scurvy Ballad, for which any other Man
would have received Correction; but in his Cafe, theſe generous Ladies
contented themselves with ſhewing a Contempt of his Malice, and
banifhing him their Company. This did not hinder him from wri-
ting a ſecond Lampoon, wherein he ſpared not the moſt exalted Cha-
acters, though under feigned Names; and adding Treachery to Ill-
Nature, he threw the ſcandalous Imputation of having wrote this
Libel, on a Lady of Quality, whose Wit is equal to her Beauty, and
whose Character might have ſuffer'd by this impudent Forcery of his.
But I begin to be tired, as I believe your Lordship is too, with raking
into the dirty Parts of this foul Character. I ſhall therefore pafs over
the many other low Scenes of his Life, to come to his Maſter-piece
of Scandal, the DUNCIA D. This miſhapen Lump of Malice and
Ill-nature, at the earneſt Requeſt of all his Friends, who feared his
Abufe more than his Enemies, had for ſome Years forborn writing
Lampoons, except it were on a Curl or a Lintot; when at laſt, grown
weary of this Reftraint, and unable to live in Peace with Society, he
collected a Lift of Names, yet unabufed by him, and resolved to throw
them together into one Satyr. To furnish himſelf, therefore, with
Matter, he went round all his Cully Bookſellers, enquiring for Scandal of
any Kind; and an abusive Story being told him, of a Parfon in Drink,
which the Relater thought could not come within his Scheme of Satyr,
as reflecting upon one that had never appear'd in Print; he told him
that

( 15 )

that he was resolved to put it down to *Laurus*; for as to the *Truth* of it, the Town would never be at the Trouble to enquire into that.

Thus compiled, and thus composed, the DUNCIAD made its
Appearance last Summer, and was so universally exploded for its wit-
less Ill-nature and Falshood, that the Gentlemen traduced in it, being
only pointed at by their Initial Letters, did not think it worth their
Care to correct the Author, in the Manner he deferv'd. Yet I have
been credibly inform'd, that some of them reforted to no Place where
*Scriblerus* might possibly be met with, without the Provision of a Rod,
to whip this *Old Boy*, for his untoward Malice. But he abfconding for
above a Month, and the Scandal having hurt no Creature, but the Au-
thor himself, their Refentment cool'd; and the little Lampooner might
have been at Peace, had he not wantonly reviv'd the Memory of his
former Malice, by reprinting this pitiful Poem on Royal Paper, giving
at full Length the Names of moft of thofe mention'd in It; together
with a Comment more abufive than the Text; which he published
under an Appellation very proper to himself, I mean that of *Scrib-
lerus*. This was fuch a consummate Piece of Inſolence, as one would
think could admit of no Aggravation; yet he found Means to add one
Degree of Impudence more to it, by prefuming at first to make Men
of Rank and Quality, in a Manner, his *Publishers*.

Your Lordship may wonder, that one, who has conducted himself
after this Manner, should not have suffer'd under the due Correction of
fome of thofe, whom he has thus wantonly abufed. It is moft certain,
that nothing in the Figure of a Man, could have escaped Punishment,
for fuch repeated Inſults, many of them on Perſons of Diftinction. But
this Poetafter having unhappily a Refemblance in his Size and Make, to
the Animal much inferior to Man; it seems he has been universally
look'd upon, as beneath the Dignity of Refentment. Upon this Occa-
fion, I cannot but call to Mind a Story (which I have fomewhere read)
of an honest Highlander, who was walking along *Holborn*, when he
heard a Voice cry, *Rogue Scot*, *Rogue Scot*, his Northern Blood fired at
the Inſult, and he drew his broad Sword, looking round him on every
Side, to discover the Object of his Indignation, when at laft he found
that the Voice came from a Parrot, perch'd on a Balcony within his Reach;
But the *Generous Scot*, difdaining to ſtain his Truſty Blade with ſuch
ignoble Blood, put up his Sword again, with a four Smile, faying, *Gin
ye were a Mon, as ye're a Green Geuſe, I would ſplit your Weem*.

A Sword,

( 16 )

A Sword, indeed, has never been deem'd a Weapon fit for the Cor-
rection of Libellers. *Therfites*, who, in Mr. Pope's *Homer*, resembles
our Author, both in Shape and Malice, was cudgell'd by *Ulyffes*, for
his faucy Language to his Betters. *Aretin*, the only Author, befides
that of the *Dunciad*, within theſe Three Hundred Years, that acquired
a famous Infamy by his Pen, bragg'd of keeping many Kings and Prin-
ces tributary to him, in order to purchase an Exemption from his Sa-
tyrs. Yet it ſeems, ſome of the Princes of his own Country found out
a better Method of dealing with him; for having been abufed by him,
they order'd the infolent Creature ſuch a Baſtinado, as at once put an
End to his Satyrical Vein. And being by this Treatment brought to
himſelf, he had ſuch a true Senſe of his vile Character, that he turned
his Mind wholly toward Devotion : In which Strain he wrote many
Books with ſuch Suſeels, as to obtain at length, the Name of the *Di-
vine Aretin*. Should the like Treatment of the Father of the *Dunciad*
produce the like Effect, what Service might he not be of to Religion,
by compoſing Pious Hymns, for the great Festivals of the Year, and
perhaps by a Translation of all the *Pſalms*, the firſt of which, it ſeems,
he has already imitated in a moſt edifying Manner ? Were *Scriblerus* to
undertake the whole *Pſalms*, and perform that Work with the Juſtneſs
and Accuracy of his other Translations, it might not only eclipſe *Stern-
bold* and *Hopkins*, but even vie with that of *Tate* and *Brady* : And
then, what would not the Publick owe to thofe, who, by the *Human*
Means of a Stick, ſhould have wrought ſo uſeful, as well as *præter natu-
ral a Converſion*.

But *Aretin* had the Shape of a Man, and might bear a *Beating*;
whereas, our Poet muſt of Necessity expire under the very firſt Blow;
and he can, by the Structure of his Perſon, only be liable to one Sort
of Correction, that of the *Rod*; which ſome Years ago Mr. *Ambroſe*
*Philips*, being abufed by him, bought for his Uſe, and ſtuck up at
the Bar of *Button's* Coffee-houſe; and which he avoided by his uſual
Práctice after every Lampoon, of remaining a cloſe Prifoner at Home.
The fame Difcipline was prepar'd for him laſt Summer, which he
eſcap'd in the Manner abovementioned; and I am inform'd, that the
Rods are now ready for his Chaſtifement, as ſoon as he ſhall be
*found* in a proper Place for whipping.

In the mean Time, as all Criminals who fly from Juſtice are exer-
cuted in *Effigie*, his Figure is expofed, and four Inſcriptions under it,
on the ſeveral Sides of the Pedestal, in *Greek*, *Latin*, *Spaniſh*, and
*English*. In the *Greek* and *Latin*, for having offended thoſe Languages,
by

( 17 )

by presuming to translate or imitate what he did not understand :
And in his native Tongue, for having made his British Mufe, which
ought to be chafte and delicate, to speak the Language of the Stews,
and of Billinggate. The Spanish Inscription carries in it an Instruc-
tion which might have been of use to him had he read it, before he
became a Libeller instead of a Satyrift. This curious Image having
been communicated to me, by one of those who are abufed in the
Dunciad, in whose Poffeflion it now is, I thought it proper to take
a Cut from it, which I have prefix'd to this Publication.

Whenfoever it happens, that a worthy Mind is lodg'd in a deform'd
Body, I am perſwaded that all vertuous Men commifierate the Cafe,
and far from indulging any Reflections on the Figure, would uſe
their utmoſt Endeavours to make both the Owner and the reſt of the
World forget it: But when, as is the ſad Fate of the Author of
the Dunciad, a crooked Carcaſ is become the Habitation of a much
more crooked Mind; and when this Creature, far from being hum-
bled by the irregularity of the Form aſſign'd him by Providence,
makes the very Despicablenefs of it a Protection to him, for venting
fuch Malice, as he would not dare to utter, were he a poſſible Mark for
Indignation to lay hold of. I think, in ſuch a Cafe, Mind and Body,
which ſeem ſo well adapted to each other, ſhould go together, and
be jointly exhibited and expos'd to the Contempt of that Society,
which can have no other Reparations made them, for the Injuries of
fuch an untoward Animal.

A vertuous Man has ſtrongly implanted in him a Philanthropy or
innate Humanity, which reſtrains him from reflecting too severely
on the Frailties of his Fellow Creatures, as remembring, that they are
all of them of one Species. But Scriblerus diſtinguifhed indeed, in a
moſt remarkable Manner, by Nature, from the reſt of Mankind; has no
Tenderneſs or Regard for them, but looks upon himſelf as one of a quite
different Race of Beings; nor ſhall I ever look upon him in another
Light.

Where, indeed, is the Definition of Man, to which he can be faſd
to anſwer? If Social be the Term, can he have the Aſſurance to pre-
tend to that Characteriſtick, who looks with Envy on every Thing
that contributes to the Peace or Benefit of Society, and is never happy,
but when he is creating Feuds and Animofities even amongſt the
moſt intimate of his Acquaintance ? If Man be ſtiled a Rational Crea-
ture, will Scriblerus come within that Description, who knowing how
little able he is to defend either his own Character or Person, wan-
tonly

D

tonly

2

The Martiniad.

Meagre and wan, and Steeple-crown'd,
His Visage long, and Shoulders round.
His crippled Corps, two Spindle Pegs
Support, instead of Human Legs;
His shrivel'd Skin, of dusky Grain,
A Cricket's Voice, and Monkey's Brain.
This Martin had the Knack of Rhime,
And spent at Crambo all his Time;
Lampoons and Songs devis'd so plenty,
While He made Ten, You scarce told Twenty.

5

10

Whoever

REMARKS.

A little Parish Clerk. That Office
requiring a Talent in Vociferation,
the fame is moft elegantly infinuated
under the Epithet Little, it being a re-
ceiv'd British Adage, Little and Loud.

And Martin Scribler was his Name.

He was not like the Generality of
Clerks, content with reading or fing-
ing the Works of other Men, but
likewise compofed many of his own.
And perhaps too audaciously as well
as too ludicroufly invaded the Sacred
Province of King David, by vying with
him in Pfalmody. Tho' I am told,
that our Martin went no farther than
the First Psalm, not having met with
any Sort of Encouragement in that
Undertaking.

Steeple Crown'd. A moſt adequate
Expression for the Crown of a Parifh-
Clerk, whoſe Head in this Refpect,
bears a near Refemblance to a Steeple,
inaſmuch as both are intended for the
Ornament of the Church. What
Church Scribler's Steeple-Crown now a-
dorneth, is as much a Queſtion, as it

was anciently what City might claim
the Birth of Homer. However, it
ſhould seem by the Crown being its
ſelf a Steeple, that Martin's Typical
Head belonged to some Church that
claimed to itself the Supremacy.

Cricket's Voice. This is an Animal
famous for the Smallneſs of his Voice
and Legs. He is obſerved to creep
into the Chimneys of old Housſes,
where there is much Filth and Naſti-
neſs, and where the Walls are full of
Holes. Hence, Men, who get into
Families only to pick up Scandal, and
find out their Flaws, are often aſimi-
lated to Crickets.

Monkey's Brain. This is not to be
underſtood in a literal Senſe, but me-
taphorically. And as Monkeys are
commonly miſchievous Mimicks, we
are to understand thofe Diſpoſitions
to have been in our Parifh-Clerk.

While He made Ten, you ſcarce told
Twenty.

This is a very quaint Parody on
the Stans pede in Uno of Horace.

Whoever

The Martiniad.

Whoever durft in Verfe indite,
He had him ftrait in Black and White.
Was any Neighbour caught in Liquor,
Martin compar'd him to the Vicar.
No Features could with him find Grace,
The long he call'd a Rueful Face,
The Man who 'rofe to the Rotund,
He funk him down in dull Profund.
No Sex, no Age, no State forbore,
The Dead, the Living, Rich, or Poor,

15

20

Wife,

## REMARKS.

There is a very wide Difference between the Manuscripts of the beft Authority, as to the Reading of this Diftick. That of the Vatican has it,

Did any one but go to Sh—
He had him down in Black and White.

And this Reading they fupport from Authorities out of Scribler's own Duni-ciad, where Expressions tantamount are very frequent.

The Alexandrine Copy, to which we
fhall pay all due Veneration, runs
thus :

Did any drop their Evening Gates,
Whip, a Lampoon was at their Gates.

This Lection is not likewife un-
fupported with Authorities, but we
adhere to the Text, as conveying the
moft cleanly Ideas.

The Vicar. A very inoffenfive Di-
vine, who had never given our Clerk
any Provocation; but he could not

bear any one of a Rank ſuperior to
his in the Church, and was offended
at the Vicar's pretending to ſing in
another Key than He had fet the
Pſalm, and therefore trump'd up a
Story of his being found drunk in a
Kennel.

Rueful Face. How blind, alas ! are
all Mortals in their own Cafe ; you
fee our Martin can ſneer at the Coun-
tenances of others ; when in the whole
Parifh of Twickenham, there was not
a more Rueful Face than his own.
Vid. Eſſigies Scribleri, at the Head of
this Publication.

Rotund. An Expreſſion in Scriblerus for Plump, denoting, as He fays, Obefity, and He is of Opinion, that a Fat Man cannot be a Man of Wit. For although he ſeemeth to admit Guts in a Man's Brain, He will not allow of Brains in his Guts.

Dull Profund. The Manuscripts
read D E Æ P, but corrige meo 'peri-
culo D U L L, as in the Text, our
Clerk's Profund being very Shallow,
ut omnibus conſtat.

Lam—

4

The Martiniad.

Wife, Fool, Young, Old, Fat, Lean, or neither,
Martin lampoon'd 'em all together.

The Parifh, thus abus'd, determine

To cruſh the rhyming biting Vermin ;

They Cudgels, Rods, and Whips prepare ;

Of this, Clerk Martin was aware,

And skulk'd behind a Northern Lout,

Of Shoulders broad, and Viſage Stout.

30

This

REMARKS.

Lampoon'd them all together. The
Church-wardens of Twickenham affirm,
that there was a Gathering made for
Martin, for his Christmas Hymn, he
being at that Time so poor, that he
was a perfect Burden on the Parifh;
and they ſay, he no sooner got the
Money, than he lampoon'd the whole
Village; but chiefly the Church-war-
dens, and those who had been the
chief Contributors towards his Col-
lection.

To cruſh the rhiming biting Vermin.
The Scholiaſt will have it crack, as
an Expression more appofite to an
Inſect that bites. For, faith this
learned Annotator, whoever heard
of cruſhing a Louſe or a Flea.

Cudgels, Rods, and Whips. These
are the Inſtruments commonly made
uſe of for the Chaſtifement of Scurvy
Lampooners. Vid. Dunciad, Lib. II.
V. 140. & ſequent.

Northern Lout, alias Lowt. MINSHEW drives the fame from Lutum, Mud or Dirt; but SKINNER from Lœyes Saxon for a Layman, or Leos one of the Vulgar. It signifies one of the Scum or Dregs of the People.

And Viſage ſtout. This Hemiftich
ſp of no farther Uſe than to fill up

the Verſe, which without it would
have remain'd imperſect. These neu-
tral Expressions are in the Craft of
Poetry call'd REPLENISHERS.
I could give you many Inſtances out
of our Clauſick Scriblerus, but ſhall
content myſelf with one in the Dan-
ciad Variorum, Lib. III. V. 299, & 300.

It ſtood in the firſt Edition thus.

Thy Dragons ** and *** ſhall taſte,
And from each Show rife duller than
(the laſt.)

And I take it, the true Reaſon why
our Poet left thofe Gaps, was becauſe
he could not fill them up. But one
Mr. Concanen having call'd upon him,
in a very earneſt Manner to do him
that Favour; he diſcover'd two Re-
plenifhers, or in the Political Language,
Stop-Gaps, and the Verſe ran thus.

Thy Dragons Magiftrates and Peers
(shall taſte,

And it might as well have been,
Thy Dragons Shrieves and Sword-
(bearer shall taſte,

Or else to rife higher,
Thy Dragons, May'r and Aldermen ſhall

(taſte,
Or

The Martiniad.

This Loon he caught, and much careſs'd him,
And thus in guileful Wife addreſs'd him :

“ You are, I ween, a Beuk-learn'd *Scot*,

“ Unlike our Dunces here, I wot.

“ I write, alas! but what I write,

“ These dull ones only gibe and flight.

“ Now, would you be so good to own

“ My Work, 'twould hugely please the Town ;

“ Instead of mine, then let your Name,

“ And you shall win immortal Fame.

The *Scot*, thus wheedled by the Clerk,

Set to his Name, (Some say his Mark.)

This

## REMARKS.

Or it might have done to the full as
well thus,

Thy Dragons Fa fe fi fo fum ſhall taſſe,

From this one Inſtance, the curi-
ous Reader may diſcover, that a Re-
plenifher is a Word which adds to
the Meaſure without aſſecting the
Senſe of the Verſe, not unlike the
ſaſſe Calves worn by the Spindle-
ſhank'd, which help the outward Ap-
pearance of the Leg, without con-
tributing any Thing to its Strength.

This Loon. Loon in Minſhew, is laid
to ſignify the fame as Lout, but in Bai-
ley it is made to denote a dull heavy
beaded Fellow, lazy, and good for Nothing.

Beauk learn'd *Scot*. Here our Au-
thor in ſpeaking of a *Scotchman*,
very humorouſly and elegantly falls
into the very Dialect of that Coun-
try; doubtles in Imitation of the
Claſſic Author of the *Dunciad*, where
he ſpeaks of *Wormius* a great Anti-
quary, and maketh uſe of the old
Engliſh Style, calling him the *Myster
Wight*.

As to the Term *Beuk-learn'd*, I
find our Scholiaſt obſerves, that this
*Scotchman* was apt to examine Books
as expert Jockeys do Horſes, only by
their *Head* and *Tail*, and was there-
fore deeply read in the *Title Pages*
and *Indexes only*.

Immortal Fame. Corrige meo periculo,
and read *Immoral Fame*. For altho'
all the Manuſcripts agree with the
Text, yet is it very manifeſt, that
the ſpurious t muſt have crept into
the firſt Manuſcript by the Inaccura-
cy of the *Transcriber*, who, being
doubtles one of little Genius, did
not perceive how inept it was, to
attribute the Word *Immortal* to the
*Fame* of any of *Scriblers* Works. And
this Error being once crept in, the
ſervile Transcribers have all follow'd
one another in it. From this one
Example, I think the Reader may
inſer, notwithstanding the vulgar
Opinion to the contrary, That *Good
Senſe* is required to conſtitute a True
*Critick*.

Pack.

(I)

APPENDIX.

A Curious Receipt, wherein is disclosed,
the Art of writing Poetry with a small
Genius, taken from MARTINUS
SCRIBLERUS's Writings.

READER, be thou Gentle, or be thou otherwife, I have always thy Profit and Pleasure before mine Eyes, from the which I shall not readily fwerve, else mayest Thou, in all Probability, caft me off, as is usually practic'd with unprofitable Servants. As I have by my Sagacity discover'd certain mechanical Rules, by the Help whereof Scriblerus hath obtained unto himself the Name of a mighty Poet: I queftion not, but the imparting the fame unto Thee, will be of Contentment and Delight. It may furthermore be a Work conducive toward the Strength and Glory of this my native Inland, by multiplying the Number of Poets therein. Theſe have hitherto been but few, from a miftaken Opinion, that a Giemius, Learning, and a good Ear, were requisite to conſtitute a Poet; whereas, from the following plain and eaſy Rules, it will moſt evi-dently appear, that Application and Practice only are neceſsary. By the Help of theſe, I will undertake, that any induſtrious Englishman, may, in the Space of one Month, become as great a Verſiſicator, as even the Great Scriblerus himself.

Let the Man then, whose ſublime Paſſion it is to ſhine in Poesy,
accuſtom himself to Tautophonys, or Ingeminations of Sounds. This is
moſt

2

APPENDIX.

moſt effectually perform'd, by electing Words, that begin with the fame
Conſonant, and theſe placed at due Distances, Two, Three, or more,
in one and the fame Verſe, create a Mufick in Poetry, inſomuch,
as that the Lines ſo compoſed, may be indifferently, either ſung or
ſaid. Of a Truth, this is an Art, which ſeemeth to have eſcaped
the Knowledge of all the Antients, whether of Greece or of Rome,
and was hidden from the moſt celebrated even of our British Poets,
being, like many other inſe timable Secrets, wrapt in the dark Womb of
Time, to be brought to Light only by the ſkilſt full Midwifery of the
Renowned Scriblerus. Some Traces, indeed, there are of this Art,
amongſt ſome of the Monkiſh Writers, from whence our Poet may
have taken the Hint. But the Monks never reduc'd the fame to any
regular Practice (as our modern Claſſick hath done) nor did they
make uſe thereof in any but Latin Verſes, and thoſe chiefly Technical
ones, for the Help of Memory: So that the Invention, or at leaſt
the Perfection of this Noſtrum, is owing to Martinus.

Conformable to his Rules, were I to mention an Author, whose Pride
could bear no Fame but his own, and that of his ſervile Flatterers,
I would make the Verſes run thus,

Poets ſupport, like Pamper'd Prieſts, their Pride;
Such Stigmatize as Stick not to their Side.

Where the well choſen P's of the firſt Line, and the moſt hiliſſing
S's of the Second, compoſe a moſt excellent Harmony. But paſt all
Peradventure, Courteous Reader, for ſuch doubtleſs by this Time
thou art become, thou mayeſt deem it more for thy Inſtruction to
learn this Poetical Jingle in the Words of Scriblerus himſelf.

Dunciad; She fees a Mob of Metaphors advance,
Lib. i. w. 65. Pleas'd with the Madneſs of the Mazy Dance.

Ibid. v. 125. A Gothick Vatican ! of Greece and Rome
Well-purg'd, and Worthy Withers, Quarles and Blome.

Ibid. v. 171. So Spins the Silk-worm, Small its Slender Store,
Labours the * Chie, that Clouds it ſelf all o'er. * Vid. Mfs.

Ibid. v. 225. Raptur'd, He gazes Round the dear Retreat,
And in Sweet Numbers celebrates the Seat.

Dunciad, Swift as a Bard the Bailiſſs leaves Behind,
Lib. 2. v. 57. He Left huge Lintot, and out-ſtript the Wind.

Curl

APPENDIX.

3

Dunciad, Curl stretches after Gay, but Gay is Gone,
Lib. 2. v. 119. He grafps an empty Joseph for a John.

Ibid. v. 205. While thus each Hand Promotes the Pleasing Pain,
And quick Senfations Skip from Vein to Vein.

Ibid. v. 253. Long Chanc'ry Lane Retentive Rolls the Sound,
And Courts to Courts Return it Round and Round.

Dunciad, Then raptures high the Seat of Senfe o'erflow,
Lib. 3. v. 5. Which only heads, Refin'd from Reafon know.

Ibid. v. 107. Peel'd, Patch'd and Pyebald, Linfey-woolfey Brothers,
Grave Mummers! Sloevlefs Some, and Shirtlefs others.

Ibid. v. 155. Some free from Rhime or Reafon, Rule or Check,
Break Pritcian's head and Pegasus's Neck.

Ibid. v. 335. Signs following Signs Mark out the Mighty Year,
See the dull Stars Roll Round and Re-appear.

I might give a thoufand more Inſtances of the fame Nature, for in-
deed there are not any two Lines together, in the whole Dunciad,
or in any other of the Writings of this Author, wherein the fame
mechanical Trick is not practifed: And it is from thence that
He hath acquir'd the Name of Melodious Martin, and not, as hath
been falſely infinuated from his having ſung his own Pfalm in a
certain Lutheran Congregation, the which we eſteem of, only as a
ſiſtitious Tale devis'd for Mirth, it being well known, that our Poet
belongeth to a much more ancient Church. But to return to our
Subjeſt. Whoſoever, by an unwearied Exerciſe in Vocabularies
and Diſcriptions of Rhyme, ſhall have replenifh'd the Tubes of his
Memory with Similar Sounds, will, in Proportion to his Application
and Labour therein, rival, or even ſurpafs, if poſſible, the Merit of
our Great Martinus.

Any Perſon, moderately vers'd in Poetical Works, muſt have re-
mark'd, that Adjectives are moſt commonly foifted in, not to add to
the Senſe, but in order to fill up the Meaſure of a Verſe. In all
fuch Emergencies, it behoveth our Apprentice in Poefy, to make a moſt
fervent Search for an Adjective, that beginneth with the fame Let-
ter as his Subſtantive, even although the Context ſhould ſeem to ſu-
fer thereby. Thus muſt Comfort always be cold, the Day at Noon
Dawning, the Fury even of Scriblerus Fatal, Garments Gorgeous though
all tatter'd, Head Heavy, Limbs Lazy, Mind Muddy, Night Noisy,
Plight Pleasing be it never ſo ſad, Quail Quivering, Rake Reeling tho'
fober, Sot Social, and Treat or Theobald Tafleleſs. True it is, that

this

E 2

4 APPENDIX.

this ingenious Gentleman hath manifested as good a Tafte as any of
our Writers whatsoever; but what hath Truth to do with Scriblerick
Poetry? His Name, and Taftelefs, both commence with the fame Letter;
and therefore, untill He shall present us with a more convenient Ad-
jective, beginning with a T, He must be contented with this abusivc
and unjust one, Euphoniae Gratia.

These Adjectives, or others in their Stead, having been choicely
collected, as has been premis'd, out of the Dictionary, conſtant Re-
gard being had to the initial Conſonant, they muſt at ſometimes immedi-
ately precede or follow their Reſpectiue Subſtantives, and at others
may be ſever'd at a due Diſtance from the fame, from whence
will reſult a moſt delectable Variety of Harmony. For the firſt Sort,
take this Example,

Form'd was his Figure Foul, in Limbs, in Face,
A Perfect Parody on human race.

But, Reader, Thou wilt be much more edify'd with the Words of
Martinus, the Father and undiſputed Inventor of this Poefy. Hear
then, the Soft Sweet-warbling Twick'nam Swan.

Dunciad, Or praisc the Court, or Magnify Mankind,
Lib. 1. v. 21. Or thy griev'd Country's Copper Chains unbind.

Ibid. v. 39. Hence hymning Tyburn's Elegiac Lay,
And the Soft Sing Song of Cecilia's Day.

Ibid. v. 91. While Pensive Poets Painful Vigils keep,
Sleeplesſs themselves Secure the Readers Sleep.

Dunciad, To grace this honour'd day, the Queen proclaims,
Lib. 2. v. 13. By Herald Hawkers, High Heroick Games.

Ibid. v. 143. The Goddeſs then — who beſt can ſend on high,
The Sallient Spout, far Streaming to the Sky.

Ibid. v. 395. How Laurus Lay inſpir'd befide a Sink,
And to Meer Mortals ſeem'd a Prieſt in Drink.

Dunciad, Then Stretch thy Sight o'er all her Rıſing Reign,
Lib. 3. v. 57. And let the Paſt and Future Fire thy Brain.

Ibid. v. 135. A Second See, by Meeker Manners known,
And Modeſt as the Maid that ſips alone.

Ibid. v. 205. But Fate with Butchers plac'd thy Sacred Stall,
Meek Modern Faith to Murder, hack, and Mawl.

Although

APPENDIX.

5

Although we have as yet only mention'd Adjectives, yet may the
observing Reader have seen, from the Instances given, that Verbs
also come under the fame Rule: And neither of them are to be deemed
infeparable from the Substantive to which they are wedded. Of this
Poetick Licence, let me furnish unto thee a Scriblerick Instance.

Scurvy Shall Sound thy Scandal to Mankind,
And as thy Make, so Monstrous is thy Mind.

But without all Doubt, the Reader coveteth Examples from the Mouth
of Martinus, as being far more authentic, than any faint Refemblances
of his Art. I shall therefore subjoin a few.

Dunciad, Here May'rs and Shrieves all huff'd and Satiate lay,
Lib. 1. v. 89. Devour in Dreams the Cuffard of the Day.

Ibid. v. 117. Volumes, whose Size the Space exactly fill'd,
Or which fond Authors were so Good to Gild.

Dunciad, So lab'ring on, with Shoulders, Hands, and Head,
Lib. 2. v. 61. Wide as a Windmill all his Figure spread.

Ibid. v. 223. Such happy Arts Attention Can Command,
When Fancy Flags and Senfe is at a Stand.

Ibid. v. 265. Dire is the Conflict, Difmal is the Din,
Here fhouts all Drury, There all Lincolns-Inn.

Thus have I, worthy Reader, explained unto Thee the firſt Secret
in Scriblerus's Poefy, namely, That Divine one of Ingemination; and
as I have fet before Thee a great Diverſity of Examples, Theſe
muſt ſuffice to give Thee full Light into this Mypſtery; the Reft
muſt be the Refult of thine own Diligence in putting this Precept
Properly in Practice.

Proceed we then to certain other mechanical Rules, whereby great
and eminent Poets may be produc'd, without the Help of Genius. In
the ſecond Place therefore the

— Hintus in M. S. valde Deflendus

Although in this Place there be a Gap in our Manuſcript, which can
never enough be lamented by the Learned, yet are there preferv'd
to us many Fragments of the fame, containing moſt curious Secrets;
but

## 6 APPENDIX.

but as they are replete with Quotations from *Scriblerus*, I must defer exhibiting them 'till a more convenient Season. I think in the long Winter Nights, in which all well regulated Families assemble round the Chimney, a Prefent of this Nature may not be uncomfortable. At such a Season, I should any one, endued with an even steady Voice, read the many Excerptions out of *Scriblerus*, contain'd in the remaining Parts of this Manuscript, what with the genial Warmth of the Fire, the Lullaby whistling of the Wind, and the *Monotony*, or Sameneſs of Sound in the Verſes, That Slumber might effectually be procur'd, which is so forporiferouſly deſcrib'd in the ſecond Book of the *Dunciad*. Perhaps that good Effect might be produc'd at this very Hour, without any concurring Helps, were it poſſible to find People, whose Blood in Spring ran fluggilh enough to fit ſtill and hear ſuch a Work read to them.

Notwithstanding the great Veneration I have for the Author of the preceding Manuſcript, yet muſt I beg leave to animadvert on one Aſſertion therein, which I take to be erroneous; viz. That the *Divine Art of Ingemination of Sounds* in Poefy, was the ſole Invention of *Martinus Scriblerus*, whereas, in Juſtice to the Memory of his Predeceſſor Mr. *John Grub*, the Great Founder of the Street and Seſt, which ſtill bear his Name, I ſhall venture to aſſirm, that he was no Stranger to this Mysſery. This will moſt evidently appear by a moſt curious Fragment of his, which I ſhall here ſubjoin; and which, perhaps, may be a Prefent as welcome to the Publick, as thofe many Books of *Tacitus*, ſaid to have been lately retriev'd by the Fidelity of the *Conſtantinopolitan* Library Keeper, who may well be ſtyl'd the *Bentley* of the Eaſt. Such is the Beauty of the Allegory, couch'd in the few Lines of our Fragment, and ſuch the Harmony of its Verſification, as may juſtly entitle it to a Place in the next *Edition* of the *Dunciad*. The Verſes of Mr. Grub are as follow.

> Thus Trojan Boots ting'd with Tartarean Glue,
> Near which the Greasy Great Gambadoes Grew,
> While Coaches rumbled round my Roman Nose,
> And green Iniquity grew grey in Proſe.

I intended here to have taken Leave of my Patient Reader, (for
fuch doubtles he is, who has been ſo good as to accompany me
thus far) but reflecting with my ſelf, That our *Martinus* hath not
had the Leifure or Occafion of celebrating the due Praifes of his
Panegyrical

BOOKS that will speedily be publish'd by
the Author of the MARTINIAD.

THE BATTLE of the TOMBSTONES at TWICKENHAM.
A Heroi-Comical Poem; with Notes; wherein is contain'd the
Art of procuring Pictures for Nothing; a Work very uſeful to
thofe who have more Curioſity than Money. To which is added an
Obſervation on the Proceedings of Spiritual Courts, by a CIVILIAN.

The SCOTCH SPY, in Two Parts. The First containing all In-
telligence, True or Falſe, fit for Foreign Minifers. The Second con-
taining only the Falſe Intelligence, proper for Certain Perſons at Home.
By Major Sputter.

Major Sputter's Travels into Spain and Italy; containing a full Account of the Pleasure of the Dog-days in Spain, and a curious Instance of Britisb Ingratitude in Italy. The whole interſpers'd with feafonable Reflections on the Method of Educating young Gentlemen. To which is added, by way of Appendix, Mercurius in Vehiculo; or The notable Adventures of a Cart: By a Spanisb Surgeon.

But when the Aſs forgot his Duty,
With Scorn he cry'd, Et tu quoque Brute.

Prior's Fable of the Lyon.