## SCENE IS IN FRONT OF SCHOOL
THERE IS A SIGN READING:
MADAME OLGA'S TALENT SCHOOL

### JEAN:

Today is a very special day at Madame Olga's Talent School. This is the day when all the mothers come down to see how their money is being wasted. Not every child can get into Madame Olga's school. First she gives the child a big talent questionnaire. The first question is: is your father working?

I don't want you to get the idea that Madame Olga doesn't run a legitimate school. If at the end of two years the student doesn't show any aptitude you get a refund - you get your child back.

SHE GOES INSIDE.. THERE IS A SMALL RAISED PLATFORM AND ABOUT SIX BRIDGE CHAIRS IN FRONT. AGAINST ONE WALL THERE ARE SMALL FRAMED PICTURES OF PAST STUDENTS.. THERE ARE THREE WOMEN IN THE PLACE STANDING NEAR THE PICTURES

### JEAN:

Hello, girls....

### WOMEN:

Hello.. hello, Jean, etc.

-1-

MRS. WALSH:

I'm so glad that my little Joseph is
styding here. I'm sure he'll uphold
the proud theatrical tradition I
started.

MRS. MACBRIDE:

You were in show business. How come
I never heard of you?

JEAN:

Don't tell me you never heard of
Bubbles LaTour??

MRS. MACBRIDE:

Bubbles LaTour? What kind of work
did you do?

WALSH: (PROUDLY)

I did Shakespeare.

JEAN:

That's her - Gypsy Rose Shakespeare.

MRS. HORTON:

We have quite a tradition in our own
family you know. My husband did some
work in Hollywood.

ON THIS LINE THE WOMEN
START FOR THE CHAIRS

-2-

TURNING TO PICTURES
ON THE WALL......

SHE JOINS THE OTHER
WOMEN AND PAUSES BY A
CHAIR WITH A FUR COAT
THROWN OVER IT NEXT
TO MRS. WALSH...SHE
CLEARS HER THROAT TO
CALL ATTENTION TO THE
COAT BUT THE WOMAN PAYS
NO ATTENTION TO HER...

JEAN:

(MIMICS) My husband worked in Hollywood.
He was a stand-in for Sonny Tufts!
These are some of Madame Olga's pupils
who went into show business. A recent
survey showed that 14 of her graduates
wound up on Broadway - 11 ushers and three
doormen. Sometimes of course her schooling
pays off. One neighbor of mine had her
kid study here for six years. Today that
child can play Yankee Doodle on an
ordinary comb and tissue paper. There was
one cute little redhead who studied here,
grew up and went out to try the movies.
Today she's well on her way towards
becoming a Hollywood star -- she's been
married four times.

This is Madame Olga. She's a Russian
refugee. She was teaching children in
Russia for years until she was almost
liquidated by that dread organization --
the Moscow PTA. When she got to America
she decided to become a dancer. For three
years she studied under the immortal
Arthur Murray.

Is this your coat?

-3-

SHE TAKES THE COAT
OFF THE CHAIR AND JEAN
SITS DOWN........

WALSH:

Oh, yes, it's my new mink.

JEAN:

Some mink. If a dog barks at it the coat
will run up a tree.

MADAME OLGA COMES OUT
ON THE PLATFORM-
SPEAKS WITH RUSSIAN
ACCENT

MADAME OLGA:

Ladies, today Madame Olga is proud to
show you the progress your darling little
children have been making at Madame Olga's
Talent School.

THEY APPLAUD

ALL WOMEN:

Oh, good....very good...

MADAME OLGA:

The show will begin immediately after I
collect the tuition for the month.

SHE STEPS DOWN AMONG
THE WOMEN WHO OPEN
THEIR PURSES AND PAY
HER...SHE WINDS UP WITH
JEAN LAST...JEAN HAS
STOOD UP AND MOVED
AWAY FROM THE PACK....

MADAME OLGA:

Thank you...That's right...Good...Ah,
Mrs. Carroll.....

JEAN:

Here you are....ten dollars.

MADAME OLGA:

Mrs. Carroll, the tuition has been raised
to twelve dollars.

JEAN:

But......

-4-

PEELS OFF TWO MORE
DOLLARS. THE WOMAN
PUTS IT ON A HUGE
BANKROLL...FROM HER
DRESS...

MADAME OLGA:

Mrs. Carroll, I cannot make ends meet on
only ten dollars a month. I'm only a
poor struggling artist.

JEAN:

All right...here you are... No wonder
she's struggling...who could walk around
with a bundle like that. Tell me Madame
Olga, how's my little girl. doing here?

MADAME OLGA:

Wonderful, wonderful, so talented, so
brilliant, so charming--which one is
yours?

JEAN:

Robin. Robin Carroll.

MADAME OLGA:

Oh, wonderful--sings like a bird.

JEAN:

But whe's studying dancing.

MADAME OLGA:

So she dances like a bird--- you mothers
are too technical---excuse me I've got to
see if the little darlings are ready to
perform.

SHE GOES BEYOND THE
PLATFORM OUT OF SIGHT
WHERE THE KIDS ARE
WAITING. JEAN RETURNS
TO HER CHAIR.

-5-

MRS. WALSH:

I think my little Joseph will be first...

JEAN:

That's nice....(TO AUDIENCE) Her little
Joseph is a real terror.Last week I heard
him having a fight with someone in the
hall. You never heard such bawling and
yelling. That's the first time I ever
heard a truant officer cry.

But this week he's been a little angel
in school. He sits at his desk like this..
(CLASPED HANDS) He has to -- he's
handcuffed!

WALSH:

I just can't wait until I see my little
boy perform. He's been practicing so
hard. He's going to play an instrument,
you know.

JEAN:

What's he playing today -- a machine gun?

MRS. WALSH

No, a violin.

JEAN:

My little girl's been studying tap-
dancing.

-6-

MRS. WALSH:

(COOL) Oh, she's fortunate---Madame Olga is so patient with slow-learners.

JEAN:

(STARTS TO ANSWER) Well....uh....

MRS. WALSH:

That boy of mine is so musical. He sat down at a piano the other night and pounded out a tune that he composed--called it "Concerto For Two Hammers".

JEAN:

He played a piano with two hammers?
Didn't that disturb the neighbors?

MRS. WALSH:

A little bit---it was their piano.

MADAME OLGA COMES OUT ON THE PLATFORM....

ALL WOMEN:

Shh....shh....it's Madame Olga....

MADAME OLGA:

And now, little Joseph Walsh will play on his violin a selection from Rimsky Korsokovsky's "Flight Of The Bumble Bee", won't you, Joseph?

HE LOOKS UP AT HER AND
SCOWLS THEN KICKS HER
IN THE SHIN...SHE FORCES
A SMILE AND LIMPS OFF

(MUTTERS RUSSIAN DOUBLETALK)

-7-

**JOSEPH:**

HE STARTS PLAYING...EVERYTIME HE HITS A
CLINKER...THE WOMEN ALL REACT WITH PAINED
EXPRESSIONS---UNTIL THEY SEE HIS MOTHER
WATCHING THEN THEY NOD APPROVAL UNTIL THE
NEXT SCREECH UNNERVES THEM....HIS MOTHER
CONDUCTS FROM HER SITTING POSITION...WHEN
HE COMES TO THE CLIMAX OF THE NUMBER HE
FAILS THREE TIMES TO HIT THE RIGHT NOTE--
AND AFTER LAST FAILURE LOSES HIS TEMPER...
BREAKS THE VIOLIN..THEN THE BOW...

THE BOY STANDS AND
STARES DEFIANTLY AT THE
WOMEN...TILL MADAME OLGA
RUNS OUT..TAKES HIM BY
THE HAND...
SHE IS EMBARRASSED
HALF DRAGS HIM OFF...

**MADAME OLGA:**

Thank you Joseph...Our next little
darling will come out in one minute...

**MRS. WALSH:**

Honestly, did you ever see a more
tempestuous performance by a child..such
spirit..such temperament...and sensitivity..

TURNS TO JEAN...

**JEAN:**

Don't you think you *should* do something
about his behavior?

**WALSH:**

Oh, I wouldn't think of repressing his
boyish exuberance -- he'll outgrow it.

**JEAN:**

He'll outgrow it. He'll outgrow it like
Dillinger outgrew it.

MADAME OLGA COMES OUT
HOLDING THE HAND OF A
LITTLE GIRL......

-8-

MACBRIDE:

Oh, it's my little Geraldine.

MADAME OLGA:

And now ladies, here is little
Geraldine MacBride who will recite a
poem which I personally have taught her.

MADAME OLGA STANDS
TO ONE SIDE.....

GERALDINE:

(IN RUSSIAN ACCENT) Voss de night before
Christmas ven all thrru da house not vun
 creature vas stirring, not even vun
mouse. Da shtockings vas hung byvda
fireside mit care.......

-9-

MADAME OLGA RUSHES
OUT SHE IS
EMBARRASSED BY THE
RECITATION...GENTLY
BUT FIRMLY TAKES THE
KID OFF..MEANWHILE
THE MOTHERS EXCHANGE
PUZZLED LOOKS...

JEAN

I wonder what a tap dance will sound like with
a Russian accent.

HALF DASHES FORWARD
TO PEER BEHIND THE
PLATFORM RETURNS
EXCITED..

MRS. HORTON

Oh, I think my little boy is on next...

Melvin is such a clever child...he's going
to do his impressions.

JEAN

My little girl is going to do a tap dance.

MRS. HORTON

Yes, I've seen her practicing and don't you
worry---she'll get it.

JEAN

(WRYLY) Oh, that's nice to hear...

MRS. HORTON

Wait till you see my little Melvin, the way
he does his impressions...You could die. Last
week he put on his sister's dress. (LAUGHS)

MACBRIDE:

Who was he impersonating?

JEAN

Milton Berle, who else?

-10-

MRS. HORTON

He's got such a wonderful future...why right
now he earns money on T.V. shows, on radio, he
sings and dances.

JEAN

Why, that's wonderful.

MRS. HORTON

It certainly is..he earns almost enough to
pay for his psychiatrist.

JEAN

You mean to say he's still going to
psychiatrist?

MRS. HORTON

Oh, yes, he used to go four times a week--but
he cut it down to two--he was upsetting the
psychiatrist too much...(PROUDLY) He's only
nine years old, and his psychiatric test
showed that he's subject to theatrical
compulsions, Narssisist tendencies and
ego-neurosis.

JEAN

Gee, what does the doctor make of all this?

-11-

(MATTER OF FACT)

MRS. HORTON

Twenty dollars a visit...I'm beginning to think that all his activities, studying dramatics, dancing and singing, and running to a psychiatrist---is making him a little nervous... you should see the way he tosses and turns at night.

JEAN

Lots of kids do that.

MRS. HORTON

Before they get into bed?...Oh, look there's Madame Olga again...

MADAM OLGA REAPPEARS

MADAM OLGA

Next ladies, I want to introduce the most unusual little...little...uh...boy? What can I say about this boy? He is horribly talented and he will do for you a bunch of impressions of the biggest television stars.. Melvin.

SHE EXTENDS HER HAND...

HE COMES OUT IN GLEASON FASHION... LOOKS AFTER HER AND IN GLEASON MANNER SAYS...

MELVIN

Mmmmm boy are you fat!....I feel good tonight...Woops...there he is...the flower of the music world--Ray Blockhead---he doesn't need hair-tonic--he uses Shinola!

-12- (MORE)

MELVIN (CONT)

(LAUGH IT UP) A little travelling music---
and away I go!

Please...no applause... My next impression...
the one and only Schnozzola...(GOES INTO
DURANTE) A lady got on a Fifth Avenue bus and
she said to the driver, "Doesn't this bus go
over the George Washington Bridge?" And the
bus driver said, "If it don't ---we're going
to get awfully wet! I got a million of
them... ha cha cha...

DOES THE GLEASON
WALK THEN COMES
FORWARD...BIT WITH
THE HAND URGING ON
APPLAUSE...

ALL WOMEN

APPLAUD

MADAME OLGA COMES OUT
AND TRIES TO GET HIM
OFF

MADAME OLGA

Thank you little Melvin...

MELVIN

(ALA PITCHMAN) Go way you bother me....

MADAME OLGA

That's fine...

GRABS HIS LAPEL...

MELVIN

(ALA BERLE) You're bending the suit...leave me
alone or I swear I'll kill you a million
times...

HE RAISES HIS FIST
ALA BERLE AND WALKS
AFTER HER ON HIS
ANKLES SHE RETREATS
BEFORE HIM HE DASHES
OUT AGAIN...

(MORE)

-13-

MELVIN (CONT)

My next impression ... Johnny Ray...(ALA RAY)

If you're sweetheart...sends a letter of
goodbye...it's no secret you'll feel better
if you cry...(HE SINGS THE THING UNTIL

SHE DRAGS HIM OFF THE STAGE BY PICKING HIM UP
BODILY...HE IS SINGING AS HE VANISHES FROM
SIGHT)

MADAME OLGA COMES
AGAIN TRIES TO GET
HIM OFF...HE PUSHES
HER ASIDE..

HE COMMENCES TO TEAR
HIS CLOTHES OFF

CAMERA BACK ON WOMEN

MRS. HORTON IS BEAMING
PROUDLY AND JEAN AND
MRS. WALSH SHRUG AT
EACH OTHER AS IF TO
SAY "NOTHING"...

JEAN

Well, now wait till you see my little Robin.

MADAME OLGA

And now, little Robin Carroll will dance for
us...

JEAN

Now you'll see something...

AS ROBIN COMES OUT...
AND STARTS SIMPLE
DANCE

THE OTHER KIDS ALL
COME OUT EMBRACE
WITH THEIR MOTHERS
WHO AD LIB..."YOU WERE
JUST WONDERFUL DARLING
..YOU KILLED THEM WITH
THE IMPRESSIONS..YOUR
RECITATION WAS GREAT..
AS THEY START TO LEAVE
IGNORING ROBIN...JEAN
TRIES TO KEEP THEM..

Look at that kid...

isn't she cute...wait a minute look at those

steps...

FINALLY JEAN IS ALL
ALONE WITH THE KID
WHO IS STILL DANCING
...JEAN WEAKLY WAVES
AT THE KID AND LOOKS
AT HER TENDERLY....

Bravo baby...

-14-

GOES TO BLACK ON THE
KID STILL DANCING...
LIGHTS UP ON A GREASY
SPOON DINER...CARNEY
IS SITTING AT THE
TABLE...LOOKING
AROUND...WAITER COMES
OVER TO HIM...

PUTS GLASS OF WATER
ON TABLE.

WAITER

Well, what do you say bud, you want to order
now.

ALAN

No, I'll wait till my wife and daughter get
here...they're supposed to meet me here for
lunch.

WAITER

HE MOVES AWAY...

Well, when you're ready, holler..

-15-

### JEAN

Among them the Department of Health.

SHE TAKES A SIP OF
THE WATER

### ALAN

Believe me Jean, the food is great -- all the truck-drivers eat here.

### JEAN

LOOKS AT WATER

They must. This water tastes like gasoline.

### ALAN

Let's eat. I'm starved. I'll call the waiter...(CALLS) Garcon, garcon!

WAITER SHUFFLES OVER
A LITTLE PUT OUT.

### WAITER

Keep your shirt on Monsieur.. Okay, now what'll you have?

LOOKS AT MENU THEN
ORDERS

### ALAN

I'm going to get a Roast Beef Sandwich and coffee (TO JEAN) What are you going to get?

### JEAN

Ptomaine poisoning!

ALAN TRIES TO LAUGH
IT UP MEETS THE
WAITER'S STONY GLARE
AND HIS SMILE FREEZES.
JEAN WHO HAS BEEN
READING THE MENU
EXCLAIMS..

(AMAZED) Steak sandwich a quarter!

-17-

**ALAN**

(MUNIFICENTLY) What's the difference...how
often do we eat out???

**ROBIN**

Do you mind if I have a bowl of soup?

**JEAN**

Of course not...what's seven cents to a big
shot like him?

ALAN SEES THE WAITER
STANDING BY
IMPATIENTLY

**ALAN**

We'll have ... ahem...

JUMPS IN QUICK WITH

**WAITER**

Roast beef sandwich, coffee, steak sandwich
and soup...don't make a big production.

HE GOES OFF FOR THE
ORDER

**ROBIN**

Daddy are we going to the movies this
afternoon?

**ALAN**

Movies?

**JEAN**

You promised to take her to see Clark Gable
in Mogambo--while I went to my Literary Club
meeting...

**ALAN**

Wouldn't you rather see the new Marilyn

Monroe picture?

-18-

ALAN

Now what's the matter, Jean?

JEAN

I just can't eat this sandwich.

ALAN

Jean you should eat it -- it's a crime to
waste good food.

JEAN

It's also a crime to poison your wife.
Anyway, I've got to go now or I'll be late
for my meeting... Now take good care of
Robin...Bye dear...
Good Bye now...

GLANCES AT HER WATCH

SHE STANDS UP AND
ADJUSTS HER HAT AND
CLOTHES..LEANS OVER
AND KISSES KID ON
HEAD...

ALAN AND ROBIN

Good Bye..Jean...Bye Mommy...

JEAN EXITS...

ALAN TURNS AROUND TO
SEE THAT JEAN HAS
LEFT THEN HE REACHES
OVER AND TAKES HER
STEAK SANDWICH......

ALAN

Come on, Robin, eat your soup.

ROBIN

I can't Daddy, it's too hot.

ALAN

Too hot? (PUTS SPOON INTO CUP OF SOUP)
Doesn't seem to be. (TASTES) I don't know
what you're talking about. (ANOTHER SPOONFUL)
Why don't you just blow on it? (TAKES A
SPOONFUL AND BLOWS ON IT) Like this. (MORE)

-20-

ALAN (CONT)

Now come on eat up.

ROBIN

Daddy.

ALAN

What?

ROBIN

There's no more left.

ALAN

Oh, should I order another bowl of soup for
you?

ROBIN

No, Daddy, I think you've had enough.

ALAN

Well, when we get to the movies I'll buy us
two big bags of popcorn.

ROBIN

Daddy, buy three this time so I can have one.

ALAN

Okay, dear. Say we better get to the theater
before the prices change...(CALLING) Waiter!

WAITER

(TEARING CHECK OFF PAD) That comes to one
dollar even.

-21-

ALAN

You know my wife didn't even touch her
sandwich and I, er....

WAITER

No refunds, buddy!

ALAN

(EMBARRASSED LAUGH)... One dollar, eh? Here
you are.

HANDS HIM A DOLLAR

WAITER

Didn't you forget something?

ALAN

HE FINISHES CUP.....

Oh... oh, sure....didn't finish my coffee....

HE EXITS AS WAITER
GLARES AFTER HIM
ROBIN FISHES IN HER
LITTLE PURSE AND
COMES UP WITH A COIN
AND TUGS AT THE
WAITER'S SLEEVE...
HANDS HIM THE COIN...

Come on Robin...

THE SCENE IS A BARE
ROOM A SMALL PODIUM.
GOODLOOKING CONTINENTAL
TYPE MAN IS SITTING TO
ONE SIDE. A TABLE WITH
WATER PITCHER ON IT AND
A PILE OF BOOKS...SITTING
AT THE TABLE IS MRS.
HORTON. SHE RAPS ON
TABLE WITH GAVEL AND THE
BUZZ OF CONVERSATION
STOPS...GROUP OF WOMEN,
JEAN AMONG THEM, ARE
SITTING IN FRONT OF THIS
PLATFORM..

-22-

MRS. HORTON

Ladies...ladies...THE meeting of the Saturday
Afternoon Literary Club, will please come to
order. Today, we have a grand surprise -- our
guest-author and lecturer is none other than
the famous and charming...Gaylord Gramonte...

EXTENDS HAND TO HIM
AND FROM SITTING
POSITION HE
ACKNOWLEDGES THE
INTRODUCTION AND
APPLAUSE

CUT TO GROUP OF WOMEN.

MRS. MAC BRIDE

(SIGHS) Isn't he handsome?

MRS. WALSH

Yes, and the way the women chase after him,
well I heard (SHE WHISPERS TO JEAN WHO GOES
POP-EYED)

JEAN

Really -- when does he find time to write?

CUT BACK TO MRS.
HORTON ON PLATFORM.

MRS. HORTON

Mr. Gramonte, is a world famous authority on
love and marriage, and is the author of such
well-known books as, "The Care And Feeding Of
Husbands", and "How To Be Happy Tho Married".
His latest book is called, "Marriage Can Be
Fun", and Mr. Gramonte tells me that although
the book was published only a few months ago--
it has already sold 17 copies. (MORE)

-23-

MRS. HORTON (CONT)

LOOKS OVER AT THE
BEAMING MAN

And now ladies...

it is with great pride and pleasure that I
present -- Gaylord Gramonte!

(ALL APPLAUD)

HE GETS UP AND
APPROACHES THE PODIUM
...KISSES MRS. HORTON'S
HAND, AS SHE TAKES HIS
SEAT.

GAYLORD

If I have difficulty in talking it is only
because I am overcome with emotion when
confronted by such a bevy of charming
American beauties.

SHE BURSTS INTO
APPLAUSE

HOMELY DAME IN AUD.

Bravo! Bravo!

HE BOWS LOW IN HER
DIRECTION

GAYLORD

Today I should like to talk to you about my
new book, "Marriage Can Be Fun"---as I look
into your lovely faces I can see that you are
skeptical, and I don't blame you...
because the average married man is boring,
tactless, uninteresting & unromantic.

PICK UP JEAN AFTER
THIS FOR THE REST
OF HIS SPEECH..

-24-

### JEAN

What a coincidence --- he knows my
husband.

CUT BACK TO GAYLORD

### GAYLORD:

... This is the prime reason for the
failure of many marriages. Only
yesterday I was saying to my fourth wife
--- that men must to taught that a
woman is something to be cherished and
adored and ...

CUT BACK TO JEAN AGAIN
WE SEE HER FACE AND HEAR
HIS VOICE

that it is *after* marriage that a husband
should make the supreme effort to keep
his marriage bubbling with love and
romance...

JEAN IS STARRY-EYED AS
SHE CONTEMPLATES SUCH A MATE

### JEAN:

(ALOUD BUT TO HERSELF) I wonder what it
would be like to be married to someone
like him?

CLOSE IN ON JEAN THEN
PINWHEEL EFFECT...
ACCOMPANIED BY

(DREAMY MUSIC BRIDGE FOR ABOUT FIFTEEN
SECONDS...)

LIGHTS UP ON DREAM SET..
A LAVISH APARTMENT.. TABLE
WROUGHT-IRON.. SET WITH
CANDLES... CHAMPAGNE IN A
BUCKET STANDS AT THE THE
OF THE TABLE.... GAYLORD
COMES ON... HE IS WEARING
A VERY ELABORATE DRESSING
GOWN... HE IS NERVOUSLY
MAKING SURE EVERYTHING IS
JUST RIGHT.. SPRAYS PERFUME
ABOUT ROOM.. PRIMPS A SECOND

### GAYLORD:

Ah, everything is perfect now when will
my beloved Jean be here...

-25-

THE DOOR OPENS AND JEAN
COMES IN DRESSED VERY
ORDINARILY... CARRYING
SHOPPING BAG... AND
WEARING RICKETY LITTLE
HAT AT SCREWEY ANGLE ..

HE DOES A GRACEFUL LEAP
OVER A COFFEE TABLE

SHE PULLS A PLUCKED CHICKEN
OUT OF THE SHOPPING BAG..
PUTS IN BACK AND PUTS
SHOPPING BAG ON THE FLOOR

HE PICKS HER UP....
AND CARRIES HER INTO ROOM..

HE CARRIES HER BAG TO
SHOPPING BAG AND SHE SCOOPS
IT UP WHILE HE IS STILL
CARRYING HER... THEN HE
DEPOSITS HER ON THE
CHAISE LOUNGE...

JEAN:

Gaylord, I'm home!

GAYLORD:

Ah, Jean... my darling, where have you
been?.. Without you I've been in agony,
in a state of torment; I've been in a
delerium of lonliness.

JEAN:

I've been in Globberman's Meat Market...

GAYLORD:

Ah, my beloved how I long to hold you in
my arms. Let me carry you to the chaise
lounge

JEAN:

Gaylord.

GAYLORD:

What dearest?

JEAN:

I forgot my shopping bag.

-26-

HE SAYS THESE LINES AS HE
PLACES HER ON THE COUCH
AND THEN HE WALKS ON THE
NEXT LINES BENT OVER...

HE GETS A GLASS OF
CHAMPAGNE FROM THE TABLE
AND RUNNING CROUCHED OVER
HANDS IT TO HER...
STRAIGHTENS HIS BACK...
RATCHET SOUND.

SHE TAKES A SIP OF THE
CHAMPAGNE AND GETS UP TO
TAKE HER COAT OFF... HE
JUMPS TO HELP HER....

HE TAKES HER COAT FROM HER
AND THEN STARTS TO KISS HER
HAND WORKS HIS WAY UP HER
ARM AND THEN DOWN THE
OTHER ARM... SHE WATCHES
HIM UNAFFECTED...

HE TAKES BRACELETS OUR OF
HIS JACKET POCKET... AND
SLIPS THEM ON HER ARM...

**GAYLORD:**

Ah, my Jean, you are so light, so fragile
... so delicate....

**JEAN:**

Really, Gaylord?

**GAYLORD:**

Let me get you some champagne

**JEAN:**

You are a good husband.

**GAYLORD:**

Here my darling, let me help you.
Ah, sweetheart, you are so fresh, so
fragrant, so delicious...

**JEAN:**

That reminds me, Gaylord, we're having
corn on the cob for dinner.

**GAYLORD:**

Jean, I have bought for you an anniversary
present.

**JEAN:**

But our anniversary isn't till next month.

**GAYLORD:**

I know but I couldn't wait.

-27-

GAYLORD: (CONT)

Diamonds, rubies, emeralds, saphires...
gold, platinum, silver, Now let me
look at you.

You look devine... come to me, my love.

HE STEPS BACK ... AND WHEN
JEAN WALKS TOWARDS HIM
SHE IS BENT ALL THE WAY
OVER BY THE WEIGHT ON HER
ARM...

THEY KISS IN A BURLESQUE
OF THE ARDENT EMBRACE...

JEAN:

Gaylord, do my kisses still affect you
the same old way?

GAYLORD:

More than ever!

HE FALLS TO THE FLOOR
IN A SWOONING FAINT...
SHE STEPS ON HIM AND
OVER HIM...

JEAN:

This is nothing... On our honeymoon he
fell out of the window four times.

HE GETS TO HIS FEET...

GAYLORD:

Where are you my darling?

JEAN:

By the way, Gaylord, my mother is coming
over to spend a week with us.

GAYLORD:

A week! I'll never forgive her if she
stays one day less than a month... Oh,
I almost forgot darling... I got you a
little something for our anniversary.

-28-

**JEAN:**

An anniversary gift -- but we just had
one a month from now.

**GAYLORD:**

This is for the one after that--- I
got you a mink coat.

**JEAN:**

But Gaylord -- I have one.

**GAYLORD:**

I know but it's two weeks old.
Here my darling... slip into this...
Darling... you look beautiful...
next week I get you a full-length one...

GETS BIG BOX AND TAKES
COAT HE HELPS HER INTO A
VASTLY OVERSIZED MINK
COAT THAT SHE PRACTICALLY
SWIMS IN....

**JEAN:**

Oh, Gaylord, you're so good to me...
Let me pour you a glass of champagne...

PICKS UP GLASS AND STARTS
POUR.. HE GAZES AT HER
ENRAPTURED...

**GAYLORD:**

Ah, my darling, you are so radiant...
so beautiful... I always want to think
of you this way... don't move...
Don't move...

SHE GOES TO STOP POURING
BUT AGAIN HE SAYS..
THE WINE FLOWS OUT OF THE
GLASS ONTO THE FLOOR...

**JEAN:**

Gaylord...

**GAYLORD:**

-29- What is it?

JEAN:

Can I move now -- I'm standing in a puddle....

GAYLORD:

Ah, my poor darling... Listen

(MUSIC: CHORD_OF A WALTZ. . ..)

JEAN:

What is it?

GAYLORD:

They're playing OUR song...

(GOING ON) Come darling... Let's dance!

HE GRABS HER AND THEY WALTZ AROUND THE ROOM THEN WALTZ BEHIND THE HUGE PILLER IN CENTER OF SET..

JEAN:

Yes Gaylord... lets....

GAYLORD:

Oh, darling you dance divinely.....

JEAN:

Oh, Gaylord... this is heaven...

only one thing could spoil this beautiful dream....

DANCES BEHIND PILLER AND THIS TIME COMES OUT WITH CARNEY WHO IS DRESSED IN USUAL CLOTHES... JEAN GAPES.

(SCREAMS) And this is it!

DISSOLVE INTO WHIRL THAT STARTED THE DREAM...

(DREAM MUSIC PLAYOFF. . .)

JEAN:

CLOSING MONOLOGUE.

ar/as

12/1/53

12:30 pm

-30-