- 129 -

But neither is this an accurate notation of the reality, for
the conception of the one as different from the other is but
an expression of man's usual way of thinking. To regard one-
self as subject, all other things and beings as objects, is
but a habit of the separated consciousness. What we call ob-
jects are in fact subjects that, to our eyes, have walls around
them. Strip the blinders from our eyes and all things are re-
vealed as subjects. Strip the shell from ourselves and all
things are felt as feeling-subjects. All are subjects. Man,
grass, rocks - all are subjects of their Creator existing
within his Universe.

Egotism is not ingoing, neither is it outgoing. Its
motion is that of a vortex. It meets itself. It never moves
beyond itself.

Man as an egotist, be he ever so "introverted", cannot
meet his real being. When he believes he is meeting himself
he is but meeting his coils. Be he ever so "extroverted", he
cannot meet with the beings of others. His coils merely meet
other coils. He may believe he is outgoing, he may think he
is moving out into the world; in fact, he is but extending his
egotism. He is a wedge against people, not a way to them.

The pull of egotism is to keep a man out of being. Ego-
tism says - I am you. I am it. There is nothing else. I am
all that matters. Put me first. Let me take over. Build me
up and the world is yours. Go get what you want. Everybody
is out for himself. Don't be a fool. You have but one life
to live, so get the most out of it. Get away with all you can.

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The pull of being is away from egotism. Being says to a man - That is not you. Your shell is not you, nor are your coils. Struggle against them, for my sake. In me you will find your possibilities, and the way you seek. Enter me and the path will open to men and God.

## The Crucial Struggle

Being versus egotism, egotism versus being, one way against the other - this is the essential drama of beings at the human stage of cosmic evolution, the crucial struggle proceeding within the individual, and man as a whole.

Human problems, every one of them, are the outgrowths, the symptoms and sometimes the disguises, of these basic oppositions. Thus the issues are clear.

In this relentless contest where stands a man? To which of the contestants does he give allegiance? This is the question, his answer to it the decision.

We are not to blame for having egotism in us; but we are at fault if we do not struggle against it for the sake of Being. Nor are we to blame for what we find in ourselves, the inadequacies, inertia, false pride, and the lie; but we are at fault if we do not make effort to overcome them. Man's besetting sin is not the evil in him but his failure to contend with it.

Frustration and its consequences are not matters for condemnation. These psychic troubles, like bodily injuries, are matters to be cured. If a man has weaknesses in him - and who has not? - this is a fact to be dealt with by use of

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appropriate means. If he coddles them, covers them, who can
respect him? But if he tries to master them, he merits regard.

Perfection is the goal. For the present, let us have
people - however egotistical, whatever the evil in them - who
see themselves, who understand the basic issues, who have re-
solved to side with the human against the anti-human, with the
being against the coils, who can be counted on to wage the cre-
ative struggle. We can trust such people, and they each other.
We can have faith in them, work with them, welcome their member-
ship in the human family, convinced that in time we will be-
come, through merit, agents of the Power.

## The Right Way

Struggle appeals to people; but, unfortunately, we
often fail to discern which side we should be on. Biased,
confused, or blind, we are all too likely to affirm the things
in ourselves and in the world that should be opposed, and op-
pose the things that should be affirmed. In short, we do not
rightly apply our affirming and denying powers. We make wrong
use of the human will. The human situation will begin to
straighten out only as we learn to make right use of all forces
that are subject to our conscious control, particularly of the
power to affirm and deny. This will lead to right struggle.

Right struggle, as we have seen, is primarily directed
against whatever in a man impedes his own real being, for what-
ever advances it; secondarily against whatever in others im-
pedes their real beings and his, for whatever advances their
beings and his.

- 132 -

Men thrive on difficulties. We are at our best when in creative tension. How we would prosper if each one were to take hold of the difficulty closest at hand - oneself! This difficulty should most challenge us. When it does, we will thrive wonderfully.

What man really values comfort more than adventure? The tame, the dull, the routine, are what we do not want. Who wants to be humdrum? We welcome whatever promises to quicken us, awaken, and enable us to touch reality. Yet our choice is often contrary to our values; and, when we choose adventure, we are prone to overlook the great one - the exploration of consciousness.

Civilization, I am sure, should be an over-all means to Being - and it would be so if our education made clear exactly what the basic issues are, if our psychology pointed people squarely to what they are up against in themselves and to their deep inward resources, if religion made manifest the right way. As it is now constituted civilization cannot so function, for now it is predominantly the nursery of commerce, politics, and applied science. Commerce seeks profit in ex-ile, and politics and applied science are to a great extent its tools.

In Being and only there will men find what men truly seek. A man in Being experiences, in the quiet of his room, the adventure of living more vividly than he possibly could were he in the greatest excitements of the world of exile. No contests among exiles, no triumph of the ego can give the

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feeling of aliveness that is induced by the simplest act of
Being.

People speak of finding a substitute for war, a "moral equivalent". Being is no substitute for anything, but is the real thing for lack of which people resort to substitutes and seemings. Of course were men in Being they would not make war. As long as they are out of Being they will. Wars and all kinds of violence will diminish just in proportion as human beings make way to Being.

## Means and Ends

Men come to Being the hard way. Life can hinder or help. If we hinder ourselves, we can count on life to hinder us. If we help ourselves, we can count on life to help us. Life will not fail to respond, whichever course we set.

Some people progress; some do not. There is plenty of
time in the Universe. There are millions of beings. All that
is needed is that some go forward at a given time, and all the
time. The line of advance is never broken. But who is to be
in it? No arbitrary hand singles out just you or me. The
"chosen people" are those who choose themselves.

The world is a field, and it is being farmed. It is a
farm, and it is being worked. Each and all of us necessarily
are part of it, but in different ways. We may be handymen,
cattle or crops. But each one, because he is a human being,
is capable of becoming a farmer in his own right, consciously
cooperating with the Great Farmer.

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Life-situations can be used developmentally. So to use them is right use; all other is misuse. The world is a means to the catharsis-development of man. It is this, or it is of no use to man. Man himself is a means to greater man. He is this, or he is of no use to himself. Greater man is a means to God. God alone is the end, as He is the beginning. Everything else in the Universe is a means to Him, and His means.

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J57

## XX Notes Continued

### The Second Body

The growing grass serves God humbly. The balanced life of the forests, the teeming life of the waters, all Nature in her upward tending serves Him, and children growing into men and women, and men and women growing into Man and Woman.

I seemed to see a wondrous Order that began with creation, progressed by growth and development, and, through perfecting, approached the endless End.

Human beings were created in order that they might grow. They grow in order that they may become able to promote their further development. They develop in order that they may make themselves conscious agents of their Creator.

The fact that we are human beings means that we are unfinished. In these incomplete buildings that we are, what is to be built next?

This question will hardly be asked by body-bound men. For to them, the physical part seems to be the whole, the unfinished building appears to be the completed structure. But those who have been born above the physical body, inhabit and function in a second body. Therefore they know that such a body is possible to men; and it seems probable that this second body should be in process of formation in all human beings who would continue to grow. Once the first body has matured, or even before then, people should begin to develop the second.

- 136 -

Without this second body, something of one's real
being may occasionally enter a man, he may temporarily enter
his real being; but I think it is only when the second body
is formed and firmly established that a man can continue to
inhabit his real being.

The first body is the body of the personal self. The
second is the body of being. The first is the body of ordi-
nary psychophysical life. The second is the body of psycho-
spiritual life.

How does the second body come into existence? I do not
know. To me, it appeared as a swift growth from a wondrous
seed. In less than twenty-four hours, reckoning by the time
of the body-mind, it was sufficiently formed to be inhabited
by me as an organ of experience. Though its crystalization
may or may not in every case occur swiftly, it needs be in
the making quite a while.

Presumably the second body has within itself a force of
growth, as the first body has. Presumably it takes in and as-
similates the proper substances, these being provided for it
in the scheme of life, just as suitable materials are provided
for the life and growth of the physical body.

When formed the second body is as recognizable to the
man who inhabits it as is the physical body. It has volume,
density, motion, force. It enables a man to contact, circu-
late in and understand its world.

It is a radiant structure, the components of which
would seem to be more vital than the materials of the physical

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body. Highly charged, it is a source of nonviolent power. Regard it, if you will, as immaterial. This view is true enough, since this body is ordinarily invisible, intangible. We should understand, however, that this "immaterial" is quite real - so much so that, by contrast, the physical body may seem unreal.

The second body, like the first, is an organ of life, an instrument of experience. It is a means of living, working, and growing in its world and, in conjunction with the physical body, in the physical world too. A being with two bodies has two instruments, and therefore is this much more able to do the work of man and God.

Is there a third body? Are there more? How many structures must be built before a being is completely developed?

## Life-Force and Life-Forms

Man, as seen by me in Being-Consciousness, was considerably more complex than I had formerly thought. The Universe was not simplified but was revealed as an incredible diversity-in-unity.

Being is the foundation. From universal Being are derived the myriad individual beings. Existence depends upon Being. We must be, in order to be in existence. Living depends upon Existence. We must be in existence in order to live. From Life are derived the innumerable particular lives.

If we can speak in terms of succession, Being comes first, then Existence, then Living. First we are, then we

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25-9

exist, then we live. The other way round, when you pass from
life you are still in existence. If you pass from existence
you are still being.

Life on this earth is but one form of universal life.
This Earth is but one sphere of cosmic operations. This world
is but one workshop. We who find ourselves here, at this time,
are simply at this station for a while as apprentices, as
journeymen.

Of life there are two main aspects: the life-force and
life-forms. There is but one life-force; it is common to every
living thing. There are countless life-forms. Each being,
each unit of life, has its particular life-form or body, one
or more.

Life-forms arise in time and disappear in time. They
integrate, exist for a while, and disintegrate. They are
"born", live for a time, and "die". Life-forms are perishable.

The life-force is enduring and indestructible. What-
ever you imagine capable of destroying the life-force will
turn out to be the life-force itself. In any contest you can
conceive of it will be the life-force that is victorious.

If a man identifies himself with his life-form, namely
with his body, he will say and believe, "I shall die". But
if he identifies himself with the life-force, he will sense
if not realize continuity. Most men identify with their life-
forms. They are form-aware, force-blind.

And when a man "dies"? He leaves that life-form and
consequently its life and world. But he is still in existence.
He is still a being charged with the life-force.

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260

People speak of a dead man, a dead bird, a dead fish.
But consider: a fish is precisely a living creature. If it
is no longer living it is no longer a fish. You cannot cor-
rectly speak of a dead fish. There is no such thing. What
you can and should refer to is a fish-body that you are about
to eat or that you see lying there on the beach. Of the fish
itself, that is, of the life-unit that was in that body, you
can say nothing except to wonder what has happened to it.

Have you, has anyone ever seen a dead <u>man</u>? Have you
ever seen or touched a dead being, a dead "I"? No - and you
never will.

I think we would do well not to assume that we know all
about death. I am sure we should rid ourselves of the arro-
gant false belief that we can take another man's life, or our
own.

"He killed a man. He destroyed a man's life." So we
say. Did he? He fired a gun. A bullet entered a vital part
of the other man's body. The body slumped to the ground and
lay motionless, breathless. Let us say the body is dead. The
man himself, the being? Certainly he is no longer in this form
of life. But did the material slug that mortally damaged the
material body also mortally injure the "I" of that man, his
immaterial being?

This I know: when I was much more awake and living than
I am now, I touched the <u>living</u>. There was nothing else I could
contact. <u>There was nothing else</u>. Nowhere did I see death.
Nor have I seen or found it since, except as an idea in the

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mind which becomes invalid the minute I pin it down and re-
late it to reality. It is a label for one of the events of
life.

The Universe is a living Universe. Everything in it -
atoms, ants, men, stars - partakes of being-existing-living.
It is inhabited throughout, peopled with a myriad life. There
are life-forms adapted to every environment. We, the beings
of this planet, are accompanied by life-units in every sphere.
As we have discovered by means of the microscope, the "hidden"
life that exists around us in the air and in the waters and
in the soil, so will we eventually come to know, through the
organs of a greater consciousness, the "hidden" life that
just as surely accompanies us everywhere in our solar system
and throughout the cosmos.

As a man outgrows the pod of the personal self and
extends beyond the boundaries of his earthly provincialism,
he begins to feel the life of the Universe making contact
with him, touching his shoulders as it were. As he becomes
a new creation he begins to touch all creation.

He walks on Earth, ever aware that he is on Earth, but
aware too of the life reaching him from near and far worlds.
The feeling of it is sometimes as if waves were coming to a
shore. Sometimes it is like a quiet wind. The touch is
subtle and electric.

## The Long Journey

Beings of every kind are embarked on a long journey

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through the worlds. As we voyage from birth to death on
this Earth, so are we voyaging from a beginning we may one
day remember, towards a return we will one day realize.

Man is moving. We, as of today, did not see the be-
ginning. We, as of today, do not see the finish. We are
moving. This life is an earthly phase of a cosmic pilgri-
mage. Though we treat this phase profanely, yet is it
sacred. Though we believe that these earthly hours are
our entire day and that when night comes we will perish,
there is something in us which is nightless, whose day is
eternity.

A man walks from his house to his office. So, at
the same time, he is moving through the worlds. Those who
stay at home, those who migrate, the imprisoned, the free,
the gregarious and the alone, those who pray and those who
curse - all are variously moving in the sweep of the Incre-
dible Journey.

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263

XXI The Brilliant Brotherhood

One morning I began the day's experiences by opening
to the things of the Earth that furnished my rooms. As on
the morning of my first day in Being, so now I found myself
appreciating these materials, seeing them newly.

Water - how wonderful! And cloth, wood, metal, leather!
I moved about, my body stepping softly. Then I stood still
in their midst.

Earth-beings had mined the metals of the Earth, pro-
cessed and shaped them into the machines called telephone and
typewriter. These instruments were of use to human beings;
but now I was seeing beyond use-value, through name and man-
made shape, to the substances existing in their own right.

Earth-beings had cut down trees, sawn them, fashioned
wood into these chairs, tables, doors, floor-boards, paper.
Cotton and wool had been manufactured into these curtains,
couch covers, clothes. The hide of animals had been shaped
and sewn into these shoes and slippers.

I saw the natural origins of these substances. I re-
cognized the work that men had put into the making of these
shapes, and the human mind giving each a name. Then this
kind of awareness passed.

Suddenly I knew that the Earth is God's Earth, and all
therein. These things were God's substances.

A typewriter was no longer a typewriter, but metal.
Metal was no longer metal, but one of God's substances.

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264

Towels and rugs and curtains were cloth, and cloth one of
God's substances. Chairs and tables were wood, and wood one
of God's substances.

These things, all things that were in the Universe,
were the Universe. These things that came out of Nature
were Nature - and Nature was God's. These things into which
man had put work were man, and man was God's. And so I saw
their sacred origin and use.

I was in the midst of transfigured things.

I felt - Not mine, not ours, but Thine! All these are
Thine - and this is the real nature and importance of them.
All these are of thy radiantly beautiful substance.

Then I no longer perceived these substances as several
and different. I realized that one and all they issued from
the one root, and in that root were one and the same.

I saw a root-substance. It was living and luminous.

My attention was directed to my body, the body I had
regarded as the physical body. Hardly had I seen it but what
its name and shape vanished from my consciousness. I realized
it to be among God's living substances.

And my second body, God's. And my mind, my conscious-
ness, my very being - God's.

It seemed that I too was in the root, and in this root I
was one and the same as all the substances of God.

This Earth, this house, these things, this body, these
hands, these eyes, this being, all beings, all life - not mine,
not ours, but Thine!

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What is in the Universe is the Universe. God's substances are God. He is everything. He is everywhere. The only reality is God.

I could go no farther. It seemed I had lost consciousness, yet was conscious as never before. It seemed that I, even being-I had vanished; yet I must have been there because I heard and remembered my voice saying, over and over - Thou art All. Thou art All.

Thou art All, and all are linked in Thee. Thou art All and all are part of Thee, atoms of thy substance, breaths of thy breathing, light of thy light.

After a while names and forms, things and beings again became separately real to me; but I remained in the radiant center, connected with the glowing essences of things and beings.

There is one essence. There is only essence.

I felt - O marvel that is in life! The root of our life is sacred. So the trunk and limbs and leaves are sacred too. To be always and forever dedicated to this root, never untrue, never swerving, never doubting, never blinded, always knowing, living within it, living from it, moving in its glow.

The root of our life is sacred, and when we realize that it is so, a Power enfolds us and we are filled with what we cannot name, and we melt inwardly and yearn for that root, and have faith in it. We are moved to be faithful to it. Our eyes light with love for every living creature, and our touch upon things is tender.

There seemed to be a flower in my heart. Its stem

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came from the sacred root. Its petals opened to men and
things and all the world. This flower was blooming, and as
it unfolded I went down into the root and flowed up and out
to everyone and everything. I seemed to be carried on the
petals of its force, as on waves that extended without limit
into the Universe.

Love was in me. I loved. Yet this was the least of
it. Something infinitely greater than I, loved. Love was in
the Universe. God loved. God loved his creations with an
all-embracing love that included me because I was a particle
of that all. I was an open channel, conscious in and of the
Love that Is.

My body had not moved; but a wonderful moving was in
it and in my being. I had left my body, my mind, my con-
sciousness, lost all sense of individual frontiers. Yet, in
a manner of speaking, indeed in a manner of experiencing, I
was still in the room, within the shaped substances that pro-
vided shelter for my body.

Now it seemed that the people of the Earth came into
this room, into this space. They seemed to enter here, enter
me, and go down into the sacred root, and ascend from it, as
I did. There in the root I met them and discovered the hidden
brotherhood of men, the secret fraternity of all that lives.

Again I realized kinship. This time the experience
went deeper. I was made see and feel and know that men are
brothers in being, but not only this, in body too. All men
are brothers and, in God, kindred of the dust. For the very
dust lives in the one and only Life there is.

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267

I had no need to test these realizations by meeting
people in the flesh. It seemed that no amount of moving
about in the bodily world would enhance or diminish the ex-
perience of essential oneness. After a time, nevertheless,
I was prompted to go out onto the streets of the city.

Grass in the yard, tree, flower bed, iron fence, con-
crete of the pavement, steel of the street-car rails, street
cars, trucks, bricks and stones of buildings, people, every
one, every thing - in the Universe, part of the Universe, in
God, part of God.

There was a radiant interweaving of things with things,
life with life, beings with beings.

Walking westward towards the Hudson River I came to
the end of 23rd Street, and boarded a ferry. The boat moved
out across the river, with sun upon it. Fresh waters mingled
with sea waters. Water, ferries, tugs, ships, sea gulls, fish,
floating debris, men, women, children, boatmen, pilots, shoe
shiners, on the Earth, of the Earth, in the Universe, of the
Universe, in Life and of Life.

After landing on the Jersey side I made my way up a
hill and stood on a palisade. Below me was the river-life.
Across the water was Manhattan. Its tall buildings were rods
and masses that caught the sun. Buildings, boats, and water
seemed bathed in a vital sparkle that issued from them and
blended with the brilliant shower of sunlight from above.

I felt unbounded joy, and it seemed to me that my
realization of the mysterious flame was being enhanced be-

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268

cause my body was in a position to contribute its impressions
of the world to my total experience.

No words can describe my sense of sheer aliveness, my
feeling of the wonder of existence, that I as a being was
privileged to be a conscious part of this reality. Here it
was, there it was, within, without, everywhere - the secret
but now manifest fraternity of all that exists, the brilliant
brotherhood of things and beings.

After a time I re-crossed the river and went on foot
down the west-side river front of Manhattan in the direction
of the Battery. I saw beings on the streets, beings called
longshoremen, ship stewards, ships officers. I saw men en-
tering and leaving eating places and bars. Each and all were
in membership with one another, and I with them: all belonged.

Walking around the Battery I came upon beings called
bums, and some called cops. There were those called street
walkers, and business men, Americans, foreigners, Jews, Chris-
tians, blacks, whites. And with them all, without exception,
it was the same, the same radiant weaving of being into being,
of beings into God.

I rode a street car up Broadway. Beings were packed
close around me. I could smell their body-odors, hear their
bodies breathing. It was the same in the car as on the pali-
sade, as in my room.

During the course of this day and the next I visited
Fourteenth Street, Fifth Avenue, Central Park, Riverside
Drive, Harlem, the East Side, Chinatown. I met some of my

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particular friends. To one I expressed in words something
of what I was experiencing. And wherever I went, whomever
I saw, it was the same. Nothing broke down, or could break
down, the wonderful reality.

The radiant weaving was not to be stopped by human
barriers. The seamless fabric was not to be ripped by man's
violence. The light was not to be darkened or dimmed an iota
by the blindness of people. The sacred root was not to be in
the least violated by the profanity of uprooted minds and ugly
emotions.

I saw what was going on in the false psyches of people.
But I was not in that, nor were the beings of human beings in
it. I also saw what is going on in God's terms. I was in this,
and so were the beings of human beings. Brothers - whoever you
are.

There is Fraternity, not many fraternities but one. It
is secret only to those who have not entered it. It is hidden
only to those who have not found it. In this one fraternity
all belong: men and animals, plants, metals, the Earth and
its waters, rain and ice, the Sun, the matters and the forces
of the mysterious God who created this Universe and its beings.

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270

## XXII Normal

I could have said - Stay here, my life, present in the root and loving, aware in the brilliant brotherhood. I do not want new experiences. This will be forever new. I do not want more knowledge. Simply may I never forget what I know now. If greater joy and beauty are possible to beings, let others have them. This is all I want or could ever ask for.

But it was not to be. It would seem that I was as a voyager around the real world to whom glimpses of bright ports here and there were being given, so that at the end of my travels I might know with utter certainty which port I wanted to return to and make home. I was moved along.

Having realized the kinship of all that exists, I was drawn into other experiences. Among them was a new understanding of the condition I was in. By reason I was led to recognize that as I was, as I had been ever since entering Being, was simply - but how wonderfully - the normal condition of human beings. Not supernormal. Not superhuman. Not super anything. Just normal.

To be sure, a partial understanding of this had come to me from time to time, particularly when I had had occasion to compare my whole consciousness with the fragmented and inadequate awareness of most people; but the meaning of it had not been grasped.

Certainly I did not feel normal. I felt wonderful. But this, it seemed, was just the point. The true human norm

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271

is not the dull, the numb, the miserable. It is not the average, the ordinary, the habitual. All of that is subnormal. Much of it is abnormal. The entire condition of exile is, at best, below the human par, and at worst, an acute aberration.

When a man first arises from exile into his normal state, he can hardly help but feel he has entered a supernormal state. But he hasn't. True, he has entered a superior state; but the reason he thinks that this superior state is supernormal is because he has regarded exile as normal.

Who wouldn't be astonished to discover his real being, thus finding that what he used to take to be himself was only his false self? Who, looking back at the unliving little man through the eyes of the new man he has become, wouldn't feel himself something of a superman? These are natural feelings. They are true to one's experience; but the larger truth, as reason was trying to make me see, is that the little man is less than man, the new man simply man.

It seemed that these thoughts, coming as they did at just this time, had a double purpose: to square my views of myself and my station with the larger truth, and to give me still another key to man's condition.

People are born into this life, their bodies grow up and after a time die, and most of the people themselves never really awake. So they altogether miss the purpose of this life. Subnormal, obviously.

To be unconscious of what you are, habitually unaware of what you are doing, moleing along, burrowing in darkness without aim - subnormal to say the least.

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272

To be wrapped up in oneself, and insulated by that
wrapping; to have tight bodies that are poor instruments and
worse masters, and to be bound to them; to hate and fight and
kill; to behave as if beingless, without vision and aspira-
tion towards a greater life; to be part of God yet seemingly
godless; and - to plan to remain that way - abnormal, without
doubt.

On the other hand - Since one is a being, then it is
normal to realize it. To have a whole consciousness, not a
split one; to have Being-Consciousness, not false-self-con-
sciousness; to be free of the ego-prison, not confined in it -
normal. What else?

To have sight and insight, and to increase both; to re-
spond and appreciate; to care, to feel kinship, to love; to
exercise power of thought, progressively understanding the
essential matters of man's nature and the human situation,
thus to establish right understanding as the basis of right
effort; to circulate and flow and be reciprocal; to feel the
presence of the sacred; to live nobly, with radiance, with
largeness, with a moving vision of more noble people in a still
more noble life; - these, clearly, are characteristics of nor-
mal human living. Uncommon as they are in ordinary life, they
should be the common ground of human relationships - and would
be, were human beings living from their beings.

The terms normal and abnormal, as labels, are not im-
portant; the attitudes behind them are. Men, by having atti-
tudes that are untrue to their conditions, hold themselves

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273

back, fix themselves in those conditions.

If your condition is abnormal, but you believe it to be normal, you will do nothing about it. Only when it becomes still worse, so abnormal that you are forced to recognize it as such, will you be shocked into taking yourself in hand.

We tend to accept whatever we believe to be normal, assuming that it need not be changed. Most people thus regard exile - and this explains, in part, why they fail to understand their own experience, reject the idea that they could and should live otherwise, ignore the testimonies of those who have found the way out, and plan for exile.

War, by some people, is regarded as normal. They believe it a natural and inevitable expression of human nature. There will be war, they maintain, as long as man is man. And as they believe, so they behave. They plan for war, not to overcome its causes. They talk peace but prepare to fight, even during the relatively peaceful periods. Each nation supports a War Department as an indispensable branch of "normal" government. What nation has a Peace Department? Each has its soldiers and sailors and airmen. Each will continue to have its armed forces as long as they are regarded as a normal profession.

Believe egotism to be normal, and you accept it. Accept it, and you not only fail to contend with it, you sanction it. You sanction individual egotism, race-egotism, class-egotism, national egotism. You sanction races and classes trying to pursue their self-interests at the expense of others. You sanction nations in their sovereignty, each as a separatist

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entity putting its claims above the good of mankind as a whole.
And you do all of this believing that you are supporting what
is normal and therefore right. Nor is this all.

Sanction egotism and you abet it. Abet it and you de-
velop it. Develop egotism and you inevitably thwart the de-
velopment of being. You are on the wrong side in the crucial
struggle. You engage in wrong struggle. Eventually you be-
come a super-egotist who believes he is a superman. And you
have no notion that what you prize so highly are your most ab-
normal features. All who suffer such inversion are as lost
as it is possible for human beings to be.

Regard the condition of exile as normal, and how will
you regard the condition of Being? As abnormal or supernormal.
Both these attitudes hinder progress. No even moderately sane
person will attempt to attain what he believes to be abnormal.
No man with a touch of humility will aim to achieve what he be-
lieves to be supernormal. In fine, whether you regard the con-
dition of Being as abnormal or supernormal, your _better_ quali-
ties will act to prevent any effort to enter it. Your virtues
as well as your vices will keep you locked in exile.

Nor are those who have become normal exempt from the
likelihood of retarding their still further progress, by their
attitudes. This was where I, it seemed, came in for some cor-
rective instruction. Normal beings may arrest their further
development by believing that they have gone as far as they
can go. At whatever station a man may be, there is danger
that he will prevent his rise to the next higher condition by
assuming either that he is already there or that there is no

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higher station.

Recognitions of the extent to which human progress depends upon a knowledge of and a correct evaluation of the several human conditions, worked their way into me. After a time, those that applied particularly to my situation connected with my feelings, and I felt - I am simply up to par! An aberration has been overcome. I am convalescent! I am on the mend, and it is up to me to proceed from here. Though I have risen, how far down I still am!

Again I took my bearings. There below me were the exiles, the subnormal human world. Level with me were the restored beings, the normal human world. There above me were the twice awakened beings, the superhuman world. I could no more than name it. But now I understood the only possible progression. It must be from the subnormal to the normal, from the normal to the supernormal. Stages cannot be skipped. We cannot pass from the subnormal to the supernormal, skipping the normal stage. Those who try to, attempt the impossible. The grade is too steep. Necessarily they stall, and fall back.

I felt drawn to look up towards the higher world for what I had only a name. I looked wonderingly. What might it be? Who inhabited it? How many men, in the long history of man, had entered it? Were there beings, now living on this earth in physical bodies, in consciousness up there?

A few great beings are known to us by name, one Jesus, another Gautama. What were their conditons? Where were they placed in the Scale of Beings? What their consciousness?

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276

What life, what Universe, what vast glorious world did they
inhabit?

When they looked at men, how did they see them? How
would they see my condition? To them, would I seem to be
moleing along, more in darkness than in light?

If I know love, what Love they must have known! What
liberation, what beauty, what Deity! What Love he must have
experienced, who could command, knowing that it can be done —
Thou shall love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and
with all thy soul, and with all thy strength!

I felt myself a being who had only begun to live, to
unfold. My eyes were open but not yet single. Not yet was
I among the undiverted. I was in my right being, but the
Ever Present was not ever present to me. I was capable only
of an intermittent worship. Not yet was I made noble through-
out by an undiminishing spring of love, being-love of beings,
the sacred love of God and all creation.

So I thought and felt anew — I have risen, but still
am down, still far from my long home.

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277

## XXIII Being-Conscience

Then began what turned out to be a new phase of the experience, a phase ushered in by the manifestations of a hitherto unsuspected center, a new source.

A feeling of responsibility so compelling that it dominated my consciousness made me know - Each one is charged with the care of himself.

Not God, but I. Not life or Nature or other men - I alone am responsible for myself. This is why there are individuals: so that each one may assume the duty of his own evolution, can and must promote his own purification and development. The vast scheme of life-advancement is effected by conscious effort on the part of each conscious life-unit. Each unit is charged to do its part.

The imperative was so powerfully felt that it was as though I had never felt it before. This seemed to be a new force entering my life from my own surprising depths, as indeed it was. My sensations were similar to those experienced when the Power first began its wonder-work. But this force was not a promise, but a command.

**I am on my own. I must take charge of myself. This is why I am.**

The beauty of the world was given a solemn cast. The glory of existence seemed founded upon something unutterably grave. A profound discomfort began to make itself felt, and the beginning of a great stretching. The discomfort energized

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278

me. The gravity of existence had, as its counterpart, nobility. But I did not welcome these feelings. Some part of me resisted.

Again the question was wrung from me - What is this? What is this!

Presently there came to me intimations of a duty including but extending far beyond any specific duties I could conceive of. I was impressed by a sense of duty to myself and more, to men and more, to this Earth and more, to beings of every kind everywhere, duty to the Universe, to God.

Suddenly I realized my indebtedness, and I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. Out of gratitude and out of feelings I could not name I wanted to repay Nature, men, human society, the entire Universe, for their services on my behalf. So very much had been done for me, so very much given to me. Now I wanted to give in return. It was not a matter of calculation, not a figuring that having been given this and that, I was obligated to give back in like kind. I wanted to give, in great measure, regardless. From my heart I wanted to give, not because the account-books of the Universe showed that I was in debt, but because this moving was in me. I was propelled by a sheer force of giving. It was spontaneous and flowing and gave me mingled feelings of sorrow and happiness.

Why should one be thankful for his existence? I did not know. I do not know. It is more comprehensible that since we do exist, we feel indebtedness and gratitude to those who help us fulfill the purpose of it. But comprehensible or

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279

not, there it was - not an oppressive obligation but a won-
derful opportunity. A glad feeling was bright in the very
center of me.

Indebtedness to God, to be fulfilled by growing, by
assuming full responsibility for my continuing development.
Indebtedness to men. and to human society for providing some
of the means of growth, to be discharged by making good use
of these means, and by extending to others the fruits of my
growing. Indebtedness to Nature, to be repaid by doing my
part to promote Nature's evolutionary trend.

Each living thing is so constituted that it must re-
ceive life-essentials from other sources and must give to
other living things some of the life-essentials needed by
them. I seemed to understand that in the Universe there is
a Law of Reciprocality.

Now the inner commands became more specific and detailed.
I am responsible. I am responsible here and now for my basic
existence, and for everything that flows from it: every act,
every thought, every feeling. I am responsible on this Earth,
responsible among men. I am responsible towards all creatures
and all the things of Nature. Responsible today, I will be re-
sponsible tomorrow, next year, a hundred or a million years
hence, wherever and however I may be existing. I am responsible
for my existence as long as I exist. And there is no end.

I am to be self-dependent. I am to depend upon my own
being and its resources, and upon that of God in me. There
is to be no leaning upon others, no reaching out for support,

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180

no hidden attitude of relying upon externals to guide the
course of my life, nor any fear of what may come to pass.
Nor am I to hope that happy accidents will come to my aid.

I am obligated to make all possible effort in what-
ever circumstances to preserve the good in me, to eliminate
impediments and impurities, to improve myself as a being,
to perfect. I am responsible for my own catharsis-development.

Explicit the commands were, but a few of them puzzled
me on first acquaintance. They seemed not to apply to me in
my present condition. Was I weakly dependent upon others?
Was I leaning, that I must be told not to lean? What more
was needed than was being done? What efforts of mine could
possibly accomplish what already was happening?

My queries were not answered at the time. New under-
standings came, and some of these raised more questions.

Each being is a source. Each is a principal as well
as an agent. Each acts, as well as reacts. Each makes, each
creates. Because a being is all this, he is responsible. He
may behave irresponsibly, but he cannot be irresponsible.

Whoever is an "I" is responsible. Only an "I" can
think "I", can say "I". Whoever says "I" is responsible.
"I", if present, is responsible. If absent, there is respon-
sibility nonetheless.

A man may not _feel_ responsible. This lack of feeling
does not absolve him; it but lessens his power to act respon-
sibly. A man may be as if without conscience. This does not
annul his being-duty; it simply means that he lacks the force

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of conscience with which to discharge his being-duty. Without the feeling of responsibility, without active conscience, a being is simply less able. He is not less responsible but less response-able.

Responsibility is not laid upon an individual from the outside, but is incorporated in his being-nature. A being is responsible in proportion to his development. Development increases responsibility. It also increases response-ability.

But, I reasoned, a child is a being, is an "I". Are children responsible, charged with the right process of their existence, accountable for their conduct? How can they be? Is a somnambulist responsible? Are those in exile who lack many of their being-faculties nevertheless liable?

Most puzzling of all, how reconcile the flat of individual responsibility with my surmise that were one to discover the ultimate truth it would be realized that it is God Himself, He and He only, who does all the work, and is the Great Caretaker, who presumably therefore must have all the responsibility?

A feeling of aloneness suddenly took hold of me. Soon I felt as starkly alone as I had on that first night when every living thing was blotted out and I seemed to be the sole voyager through a tractless expanse.

The discomfort, now more intense, was isolating me, it seemed, as acute pain cuts a man off even from those he loves. Self-dependence, now a penetrating sense, was pointing me to the fact that there was a solitary aspect of my being.

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I not only felt alone but was alone, in this sense: I, alone, am responsible for my unending development. This aloneness was as real as the fraternity of all that exists.

Real or not, it was most unwelcome. I did not want this isolated feeling, but togetherness. I did not want this discomfort, but the joy of the radiant weaving. I recalled the brilliant brotherhood, trying to make it real so that it would overpower this aloneness. I tried to oppose these new happenings. For the first time since entering Being I en-deavored to use my will to counteract the trend of the exper-ience.

The experience continued, irresistibly. Something was emerging, of which my feelings of responsibility and gravity and discomfort were but the forerunners.

Presently there arose from my depths these words -

>I will be myself forever.<

They were quiet words, but a revelation followed them.
Whatever words I use will leave the heart of it unsaid.

A light seemed to flash, and in this light I saw myself as I really was. And ahead, I saw myself moving in an endless life whose dimensions were those of the Universe. I felt terror and majesty. I recoiled from my immortal career, as if struck by a reality too great to bear. Knowing I would be myself forever, I realized I would be responsible for myself forever. Something in me arose in affirmation; but when the vision passed, and those eyes closed, I was left trembling.

Even today if I say the words something of the original experience comes back. I say them intently - I will be myself

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283

forever - and my guards against reality somewhat fall away.
I am recalled from my day dreams. This writing becomes mean-
ingless, unworthy of my energies, and I look at myself with
amazement, wondering how I could have narrowed myself down
to this small time-bound work. For a moment I stand outside
of my illusions, a nude being. The present, as a chance to
live, is made real. My being-future becomes real. Tomorrow
and the next day open, and all the years with me in them,
self-responsible. And again, though not at all vividly, I
see myself moving before me into an endless life of Universal
dimensions. But I do not feel terror, nor majesty, nor the
heart of it which has been left unsaid.

I cannot say it for others. Only the individual him-
self can say it to and of himself. Say it to yourself, if
you are disposed to experiment. Say it so that you neither
say nor hear nor think anything else - I will be myself forever.

I became so restless that I did an unprecedented thing,
unprecedented for me in Being. I moved my body because I felt
the need to do so. I sought companionship because I wanted
human warmth. I left the rooms and walked the streets and
met people.

As I went about the city, the entire root emerged. The
whole center, of which the feeling of responsibility was one
expression, came into consciousness. An inner sun is the
most appropriate symbol for it. It was bright, a blazing
light. It was as a fire burning, beating down on me from

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within, spreading everywhere. I felt it in my being. I felt it in my body, in the solar plexus, in the spine, in the brain.

It seemed overpowering; I felt I could not bear it long. Yet, evidently, it arose from my own being - and it was to increase still more. After experiencing its further manifestations I was forced to regard this Conscience as a magnificent extravagance relative to even the maximum requirements of one life on Earth. Its powers were so obviously far in excess of the moral needs of this one life that its very existence, within a being, was stark proof of a continuing and sufficiently uncomfortable progression through the worlds.

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## XXIV Comparisons

The gradual unrelenting increase of Being-Conscience cannot be described. In the following chapters something will be told of the understandings and feelings that came to me as this inner sun ascended towards its zenith. For the present, it will be useful to make a brief comparison between Being-Conscience and ordinary conscience, so that the mind may have a clearer conception of what Being-Conscience is.

We may say that Being-Conscience is to ordinary conscience what Being-Consciousness is to ordinary awareness. This puts it neatly, but requires modification.

As Being-Consciousness is no mere expansion of the ordinary awareness, but is a higher order of awareness, so Being-Conscience is no mere increase of the ordinary conscience, but is a force of different order from the usual moral energies. Primarily it works at levels below behavior, at the very source from which one's actions stem. It burns, purifies, stretches. It is a prime mover of beings towards ultimate attainment. It renews its commanding unfamiliarity. One cannot get used to this Conscience. Though an integral part of one's being, it seems to be a stern superior, a power from a higher world which cannot be diverted from its work of unending regeneration.

Recall that the instant I entered Being-Consciousness my ordinary awareness merged with it, so that thereafter there was one whole consciousness. This merging into a seamless whole made me conclude that, however different the two might

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186

be as to order, they are basically of the same stuff: both
are consciousness.

I was aware of no such merging of ordinary conscience
with Being-Conscience. Hence I lacked this basis for think-
ing that these two are of the same basic stuff. On the other
hand, neither was there evidence that they are radically dif-
ferent in kind. I cannot say that Being-Conscience is the
main body from which the ordinary conscience is all but split
off. Nor can I deny it. The truth is that I did not and do
not know the real relationship of the one to the other. But
this I do know: Being-Conscience, as such, does not function
in men in exile. As a center, it is totally absent from ex-
iled life. Were it to manifest, it would lift a man out of
that condition, transform and transport him into its world.
The activation of it is, then, a sure means of leaving exile
and entering Being.

Though I can neither affirm nor deny that Being-Con-
science in any way informs the ordinary conscience, it is
clear that two feelings are common to both, responsibility
and duty. Yet even here there is a difference.

Ordinary conscience makes one feel a personal and limi-
ted responsibility. By it a man feels responsible for his
character and conduct in *this* life, in this world, for his
daily work, for his relations with family, community, nation.
Being-Conscience makes a being feel responsibility unlimited.
By it a being feels responsible for his character, conduct,
and development in this life and all life, in this world and

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all worlds, to everyone and to everything.

Ordinary conscience as a whole, and its feelings of
responsibility in particular, are intermittent. Sometimes
they are active, at other times passive. They turn on and
off. Not so with Being-Conscience and Being-Responsibility.
These are constant. Once they emerge, there they are, all
the time, burning in the center, pervading every thought,
every action.

Ordinary conscience can be repressed, evaded. One can
postpone acting according to it. Other forces contest and
conflict with it. Contrary drives overpower its commands.
Being-Conscience, once awakened, is irrepressible, inescapable.
Its imperatives are enacted, and at the time. In its presence
you cannot be conscienceless, not even for a moment. There is
no contrary force in man capable of standing up to it. It is
the uncontested master.

The sense of duty issuing from the ordinary conscience
is strongly colored, if not conditioned by the social environ-
ment of the given person. The historic period, the man's so-
cial heritage, his status in the community, his religious and
other beliefs, etc., play no small part in shaping his feel-
ings and ideas of obligation, decency, honor, right and wrong.
In the case of ordinary morality it is difficult to ascertain
what proportion is inherent in human beings and what is con-
ditioned. Indeed we cannot refer to ordinary morality, as if
there were but one. Ordinary moralities are innumerable.

Part of the desire to discharge one's ordinary duties

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Part of the desire to discharge one's ordinary duties doubtless comes from within. A man, of himself, actively moves to do it. But neither is there any doubt that he is spurred, and in no small measure, by his consideration of the judgment and reactions of others. Public pressure has a lot to do with the desire to fulfill our obligations. Public opinion has as much to do with the satisfaction we feel when we discharge them, with the discomfort or shame we feel when we neglect them.

Being-Conscience is unmistakably entirely an inward power. Due to inner causes which I surely do not know, it arises from the mysterious depths of a being and progressively and irresistibly makes itself manifest. No outward factor evokes it. No outward force can check it once it emerges. The feeling of duty that issues from it has all the qualities of the source. The sense of Being-Duty is quite inherent, is not produced by or even colored by externals. It does not bend to the environment, but bends the environment to it. The urge to discharge it comes from within. If and as one's Being-Duty is fulfilled, one feels satisfaction for this reason, whether others approve or disapprove. Being-Morality goes its way, sanctioned from within, neither strengthened nor weakened by the prevailing codes.

A further comparison. When a man in the ordinary condition feels an upsurge of moral energy, he is prone to externalize it, that is, to overlook his own need of improvement and to go to work upon others. He sees some of their

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sins and faults and persuades himself that he is called to
save them. He becomes, at best, a moral social reformer
(not a transformer). He becomes, at medium, a busy-body bent
on moral uplift. At worst, a bigot. In any event he is de-
termined that others shall live as he believes they should.
Assuming that he knows how men ought to be, he puts pressure
on them, believing that his own pyggers can accomplish what
only growth, in them, can effect; for he is blind to the truth
that each person is at a certain developmental stage, and that
all real changes depend upon him outgrowing that phase, grow-
ing into what for him is the next higher one.

When Being-Conscience enters the life of a being, all
its force is applied first and last to this being himself. He
suffers it as no other can, profits by it as no other can. As
for others, he lives and lets live, having respect for their
integrity, knowing full well that not he but the great Con-
science within them is their moral savior, as it is his. He
lives and would help live; but any assistance is offered out
of being-feeling for beings, out of a sense of being-duty and
indebtedness, with an ever present awareness that their own
inner growth is the important thing - growth, and God's touch
upon a man.

We dream of having One World, One Morality, One Religion,
One Mankind - and we await the powers that can lift us there:
One Love, One Conscience, One Deity. And these are in us!

Consider the change in human life were just our ordi-
nary conscience kept sensitive, and when need be, reinforced

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290

by our firm wills. Consider then what human life would be
were some number of us to become Men of Conscience, beings
in whom the great Conscience blazed.

Meanwhile, we cling to our old ways, having added
new perils. These are wrought by man's fear of man. There
lie the stockpiles of atomic bombs, the rocket planes, the
still secret weapons. These bombs, as we now know, explode
with a blinding flash. They too give off light, a light
that the eyes of men have never seen before. Then there is
darkness. Life has gone down. I speak of another light
that must illumine our sky if life is to continue on this
planet, and arise.

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291

XXV As Ye Sow

Through Being-Conscience I became aware that there is
a Moral Order, as real, as definite and, in its structure and
operations, as marvelous as the Physical Order. Human beings,
existing within both, are subject to the laws of both. I be-
came cognizant of one of the moral laws.

The physical law of cause and effect - causes and ef-
fects in an unbroken and seemingly endless fbow - is paralleled
as it were by a moral law of like nature. As physical pheno-
mena are governed by the one, so psycho-moral processes are
governed by the other. In reality it may be one law operating
on different levels. In its moral aspect it is formulated in
the memorable words - As ye sow, so shall ye reap.

Our thoughts and feelings, our efforts, all of our in-
ward impulses as well as our outward actions are as seeds,
some true, some false, helpful, harmful, good, evil. We can-
not lose the good results of good sowings. We cannot escape
the evil results of evil sowings. You and I as individuals
and all of us together benefit or suffer by what we do, and
this happens not by chance, not by accident, but by universal
law.

Most of us have some awareness of and concern about
what is done to us by others. We mark how others help us,
even more how they hurt us. Consciousness of the moral law
points a being to what he does to himself. He sees himself
as his own main influence. He marks how he helps and hinders

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himself. He notes what he brings on himself by his charac-
ter and conduct.

We tend to consider ourselves the products of our ex-
ternal environment, and attribute our good or bad fortune to
external circumstances. Awareness of the moral law informs
us that we are in large measure the products of our internal
environment - that which each one creates within himself by
his inherent thoughts and desires. Our good or bad fortune
is seen to be the result of internal even more than of ex-
ternal factors.

As I do, so I do to myself. Whatever I do is done _in me_ and therefore _to me_. It is done to _me_ first and last. Hate deposits its results in me before, during, and after it has affected others. Love deposits its results in me in the same way. The results are instantaneous and also cumulative.

Self-interest, surrounded by ignorance of the moral law,
is an immoral force expressing itself in actions that are dis-
advantageous to oneself and others. Self-interest, linked
with knowledge of the moral law, becomes a moral force lead-
ing to conduct that promotes catharsis-development, and thus
is of genuine advantage to oneself and others.

Each being is a source. Each, therefore, is the liable
builder of himself. Each being acts, as well as reacts. Each
is a maker, a creator. And he makes or unmakes, develops or
degrades, creates or destroys himself. He influences others
only occasionally, himself all the time. He lives with others
intermittently, with himself constantly. So by his way of
living he himself profits or loses, as no other can.

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293

His reactions to what others do are his reactions. He can stop them or change them. They need not be what they are. He is responsible for them and reaps their consequences.

We are what we have made ourselves. Our present characters and conduct are the products of our past actions, reactions, and failures to act. Our past actions include both our spontaneous responses and our deliberate behavior and, in addition, what has been done in and through us by our activated being-powers. We will be what we make ourselves. Our future characters and conduct will be the products of our total present life-actions. New manifestations of the being-powers can change character and conduct at any time.

Each human being encounters in this life what he has brought on himself by his past actions, plus what he draws to himself by present effort, plus what he newly evokes from the resources of his being and the World-Being.

We are moral agents, but more. We are moral principals. We are responsible. Mankind is responsible for what is sown and reaped in mankind, and in Nature, and in the Earth: for what we use and what we waste, for what we enhance and what we despoil, and upon all of this is founded the nobility and gravity of human existence.

He who contributes to the catharsis-development of himself and of others, is wise. He moves towards happiness. He who hinders being-development is ignorant. He moves towards pain and suffering.

With respect to the moral law, there are no outlaws. Wherever you go, it is in you. Whatever you do, it is operative.

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294

Men's unawareness of the law does not affect it; men's un-awareness affects men. We cannot "get away with" anything. Nor is a single right-action lost. Each and every being in-evitably metes out to himself "punishments" and "rewards".

In life we fulfill the law. Death will not deliver us. For death comes to a man by the law itself. In dying he obeys it. And when he has died and finds that he is still in existence, the law continues its uninterrupted operation. During and after the life of the physical body, during and after all phases of Earth-life, we are and will be within the law. It will be within us. In all living and existing it will be. Causes and effects, a living chain, proceeding without end, or to the Great End, to the ultimate liberation through de-velopment.

At the human stage of development, the good results of good actions may be displaced by the evil results of evil actions. But the prospect is that we can attain a development in and through which the structure of good becomes enduring. At no stage of development is the structure of evil permanent. Sooner or later it must be undone. The evil must be overcome, in this life or future ones, sometime within the time of the Universe.

Men of evil works, self-assured that death will annihilate them as individuals, derive comfort from this assurance. They believe they can send waves of injury into the world, themselves escaping when their bodies die. It is significant that the most criminal of men are the most persuaded that

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death ends all, so far as they are concerned. How they wish
it did! But this is not the way it is. They will not escape.
They will continue existing, and their waves will catch up to
them. They, more than the ones they hurt, will suffer the con-
dequences of their evil, so that a profound purpose may be
served. Ultimately they will be forced, from within, to live
for catharsis-development.

Were they to realize, now, that the evil they do is
done chiefly to themselves, and must be undone by themselves,
they would cease doing evil. External measures but curb them.
The extreme external measure, that of killing their bodies,
(and the same is true if they commit suicide) but "puts them
out of the way" relative to the given time and place; it does
not destroy them as beings, it does not undo the evil in them,
they carry it with them through death into their continued ex-
istence, it remains in them to plague them and harm others
wherever they may exist.

Some men of good works, believing that they will perish
when their bodies do, derive some satisfaction from the thought
that after they die their good works will continue to exist
in the human world. Assuming that they will end and that there
is no other world, they think their good works will exist only
in the human world. In reality, the good will continue to ex-
ist in them also, for they will continue to exist. The good
inner results deposited within them in the course of their
visible life, will be carried through the event called death,
contributing to a continuing being-development.

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As I reflected on these matters it came to me that if there is to be an effective morality among men in whom Being-Conscience has not yet awakened, there must be knowledge of and some feeling for these truths: _There is a moral law._ It governs us if we are moral. It governs us if we are immoral. We cannot escape the consequences of our actions. We cannot evade our responsibility for what we sow.

Irresponsibility, unscrupulousness, and crime are human conditions that tend to perpetuate themselves; they are not evasions of the moral law. Tenacious they are, and destructive, but they are not irrevocably fixed; we can outgrow them. We can so live that the moral law, and all other laws, work for instead of against us.

The belief that the human being ends as an individual when the body dies is, in some cases, a logical conclusion based on the limited data of ordinary experience and consciousness. Most often, however, it is a wish-fulfillment. It is a handy belief for those who want to "get away with it". It is a comforting illusion for those not willing to undertake what is necessary to attain real liberations. It is, in fine, an opiate for all who shrink from realizing that they do reap what they sow. We must stop using this opiate.

_There is being-continuity._ Nothing can take away what we have rightfully inwardly gained, nor relieve us of the inward consequences of wrong actions. We should live this life not as if it were the last but as if it were the first, as if it were the formative period of our cosmic existence.

We will not change essentially except as we change our-

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selves.

The Universe, its laws and beings, serve an unswerving purpose.

There is time, and all needed materials and forces, for the Great Building. The developing of human beings, now on its way, can, in the nature of things, be carried on to completion.

Right now is the right time for each and every human individual to take charge of himself.

My attention was drawn to my body, and I had the clear, insistent thought - I am responsible for this body. I made it.

At first impact nothing could have surprised me more. I, responsible for this physical frame which had seemed a mere appendage, to which I was still nonattached? I made it? True, without me in it, it would soon disintegrate. But surely I had not created it. Surely I had not woven cells into tissues, tissues into organs. After a time, however, I began to understand.

The body may have brought me into this world, but certainly it had not brought me into existence. I pre-existed. This body existed because of me. It was one of the outgrowths of my own being. Therefore I was responsible for it.

No, I had not made it in the sense of creating it as an organism, but it was just this kind of body because I was just this kind of being at this stage of development. In it, no less than in my being, I sawed and reaped. The results of my thoughts, feelings and actions were in it, too, and were

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among the factors determining its features and condition.
I had made its character. I had disposed it to its peculiar
combination of health and disease.

My life-problems and difficulties were to some extent
symbolized by and worked out through it. What I was up against
in it were among the things that I was up against in myself.
Its relations with the surrounding world were my relations
materialized. Its life-situations were precisely those I had
brought on myself by my failures and attainments throughout
my long-range existence. The obstacles it encountered were
among my opportunities for catharsis-development.

Seeing things in this light, I felt their truth, despite my nonattachment. My body was my physical counterpart.

Indeed it was me, objectified, placed where I could see my features and work on them. To take charge of it was one way of taking charge of myself. This was my basic duty sharpened and brought into focus upon a concrete and always visible object.

To work on the body is one way of working on oneself.

To sensitize and purify the body is one way of evolving oneself.

To master the body is a necessary way of mastering oneself. To be responsible for the body is one aspect of a being's unlimited responsibility for himself.

I am not my body; but, while it lives, I am in it. I
affect it, it affects me. It is one of the instruments through
which my influence extends to others. It could become the organ
that manifests the inner light, the great love, the wonderful
song. Therefore for the sake of all concerned I am responsible
for it and must tend it while it is with me.

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199

XXVI Catharsis

From time to time it has been indicated that the life I had lived in exile had little or no reality to me after I entered Being. This remained true from first to last, with one never to be forgotten exception.

Shortly after having my responsibility focused on my body, my past life was projected on the screen of my mind with such impressive vividity that there was no doubt I was seeing myself as I had been at that time.

It was as if my former self as a moral person, or rather as an a-moral one, passed in review before my awakened Conscience. I saw that-me in the light of this present Conscience, and what I saw appalled me. I had been like a foetus. Throughout those years when I was supposed to have been an adult and a man, instead of taking charge of myself I had been a charge upon the Cosmos, curled up in myself, lost in forgetting.

I had been asleep and worse - in a parasitic state, doing little or nothing of what a being should do, giving little or nothing of what a being should give, but receiving, receiving without appreciation, without gratitude. Foetus-like, I had been oblivious of responsibility, being-duty, indebtedness. There had been no realization whatsoever that it was up to me to awaken and become able as a being of the Universe.

Even in relation to the limited world of which I had been somewhat aware, I had been dependent upon outside help,

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300

family, friends. I had relied, to an incredible extent, upon
people in general. It was true, I had leaned. Not in my most
independent decisions had I approached true self-dependence.
Not in the voluntary performance of my most earnest obliga-
tions had I been really responsible for myself and for others.
No matter what my principles and practices, I had lacked real
response-ability.

The shameful fact, as I now saw it, was not that I had
needed help. Everyone needs it. It was not that I had active-
ly sought it. A man is a pride-bound ego if he needs help but
does not seek it. Nor was it that I had received far more than
I had given. What shocked me was that secret attitude of con-
tinual leaning, a disposition to &part;ontinue being taken care of
for the rest of my life.

Though I may never have begged in a literal sense, I had
repeatedly asked for psychological hand-outs, for charity in
one form or another from human society, Nature, God. Give me,
give me - such had been the attitude I had successfully hidden
from myself. Natural in an infant, it was infantile in a man.
To see it was to feel burningly ashamed.

Now it struck me that what had been true of myself in
past years was still true - the being of today still had with-
in him the parasite of yesterday. Were I at any time to in-
jure people wantonly, I would expect to experience a more pro-
found regret. Were I, out of sheer malice, to kill a man, I
would feel keener remorse. But I can conceive of no act against
myself, no discovery of some other inwardly ignoble state, that

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301

would shame me so deeply.

And shame made me want to drive out the parasite I
had harbored these many years. There arose in me an intense
determination to find and uproot the very source of my beggar-
disposition, That curled-up life must not hide behind the
appearance of a man.

It came to me - He is a man who regrets he is not a
more thorough man. She is a woman who regrets she is not a
more thorough woman. They are beings who regret they are not
more whole and noble beings - and make use of regret as a
force of overcoming and attainment.

Regret, shame, remorse - these are forces of catharsis-
development, necessary forces. By them we are empowered to
respond to our developmental needs. By them we are spurred
to meet the needs. Without these forces, the needs exist but
we lack power to fulfill them.

Therefore we must not stifle regret. We must not smo-
ther shame and remorse. But must allow them to be aroused.
Conscience must be kept open, whatever the discomfort. It
must see whatever there is to see. We should see with it,
suffer with it. We should let it act and act with it, never
against it. So we burn within, and are burned clean.

These are the fires in the heart, and in the bowels,
and up and down the spine of man. These are the sufferings
within, which others know nothing of, which are one's cross
and possible revelation. Let us welcome them.

(Double space)

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Having seen in myself these shocking and redeeming
features, my thoughts turned once again to the condition of
exile. Soon I found I was getting a new impression of it.

Chemical and psychic impurities, lethal thoughts and
emotions were present everywhere, in the very air one breathed,
so that no matter how cleanly one tried to live, just to be
in exile meant that a human being inhaled and exhaled them.
The toxins became lodged in the body and even in the being,
and no ordinary measures would dislodge them.

I had been in that toxic condition for thirty-one
years. During that time, the poisons I had absorbed and put
into circulation must have been legion. Was I now entirely
free of them? It did not seem likely. A few days in Being
could hardly have rid me of those impurities. Besides, though
in Being, I was still not far from exile, in fact it was all
around me. So then. Though I could not see or sense them,
though I had no idea of what they all might be, there they
surely were, somewhere in me, outliving the blast of Being-
Conscience - all manner of foreign substances, weighing me
down, impeding my functioning, blocking further being-progress.

Good grief! (That was exactly how I felt, whether or
not I used these words.) Good grief - though in a normal con-
dition, there was a hitherto unsuspected carry-over of the
abnormal. Though whole, I was still impure. Purity of being,
like complete development, was far ahead. These recognitions
made me feel once again that my work as a being was just be-
ginning. I would have to make effort, increasing effort, to

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promote catharsis. I would have to suffer as I was not yet
able to suffer. Being-Conscience would have to burn more in-
tensely and ever so much longer ... But there was the goal!

My eyes lifted, my heart too. How I desired purity!
And now again, this time boldly, the need for catharsis stood
out. How else become pure? Catharsis is still necessary for those
in Being. With force and sweep the truth resounded, over and
over, as if to impress itself indelibly, as though it were the
most important truth a man could learn - There must be catharsis.

Necessary for purity, it is as imperative for development.
There can be no being-development without purgation. If you
increase your ability but do not also decrease your egotism,
you merely become a more able egotist. If you work to develop
your mind but do not at the same time work to overcome greed
or other evils, greed remains and tends to increase, with the
result that a greater greed has a finer mind to misuse. A
part of you may develop, but you-as-a-whole retrogress. Each
harmful passion, if to be overcome, must be dealt with speci-
fically. Push the development of your talents out of propor-
tion to the progress of self-purification, and you may become
a danger to yourself and others. Increase your power in excess
of your purity and you are a menace to yourself and to all who
come within your sphere of influence.

The evil in us, as with cancer, is all too capable of
growth, and is likely to outstrip the good in us, if our atten-
tion is averted from it and turned solely towards the culti-
vation of the good. It is not enough to cultivate the good.

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Nor is our surface goodness a match for our deep-seated evil. We must release our deep good, our great good. This great good, made active in us, must come to grips with the parent-body of evil. Nothing less than this will lead to the final overcoming of evil, to the full development of ourselves as beings.

Then I wondered. Had I never realized these things before? It seemed that I must have. Does not every tragedy of man's life point to the need of catharsis and show what happens to us when it is neglected? Yes, experience points, but had I seen, known, realized? Had I applied the knowledge to myself in any consistent way? Who has? Who does?

How many of us, when we think of self-development also think of self-purification, and when we work for the one work also for the other? What man, in the act of hating, sees hate as something to oppose, and right then? Who, feeling prejudice, sees this prejudice as something he must struggle against, right then?

We tend to treat the problem of evil as an abstract problem, a philosophical study, not as a concrete matter existing in you and in me and in other men. We attempt with our minds to understand evil, but not to uproot it from ourselves. Whatever our theoretical understanding, we act on the assumption that we can develop without catharsis, believing that the evil in us will be mysteriously dealt with if and as we make effort to advance the good. We expect, if we think about it at all, that by the cultivation of our strong points we overcome our weaknesses, that the development of our talents will

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necessarily result in the elimination of impurities. These
expectations are curiously unshaken by the fact that the
devil repeatedly breaks loose and destroys all of our super-
ficially good works - and us.

But why? With every human misfortune proclaiming the
need of catharsis, with the mounting crisis of mankind well-
nigh shouting that catastrophe awaits us if unregenerate men
still further develop their material powers, why so little
thought, so little effort, so little action to promote pur-
gation? What blinds us? Or, if we see, what makes us draw
back?

It is of course extremely difficult to uproot evil.
Many of us are psychologically lazy. Purification is usual-
ly painful. Many of us are spiritual cowards. And one of
the troubles is that we seldom or never see ourselves as we
actually are. We do not see our two sides, the good and the
bad, with equal clarity and honesty. If few recognize that
of God in themselves, few recognize - in any effective way -
that of the devil in themselves. In others we often see the
evil but not the good. In ourselves we tend to see the good
but not the evil. Each one exempts himself. When we cannot
help but see it, we minimize it, rationalize it, practice self-
forgiveness. Or we say we are sorry, as if this saying were
an effective substitute for catharsis.

Even those who recognize the need of self-purification
are stubbornly disinclined to do much about it. Infrequent
experiences are enough to inform us that suffering is involved,
and we shrink from it. Rather than voluntarily suffer the re-

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306

noval of our impurities, we allow them to remain in us, to fester, to poison the human system, to infect others.

But we do not thereby escape suffering. We only make certain that we will continue to suffer involuntarily. Evil, even when inactive, is a submerged but nevertheless constant source of pain, depression and illness to its host. When active it is a torture to every one. Only by voluntary suffering can the causes of suffering be overcome.

> If thou hadst known how to suffer, thou wouldst have been able not to suffer. Learn thou to suffer, and thou shall be able not to suffer.

The impurities in men, like those in air and water, must be eliminated by means of particular measures applied directly to them. The poison in man's world, like poison in the body, can only be removed by using effectIVERespecifics. Without catharsis, our fine growths suffer from our own blights. The development of the good is retarded, if not overthrown, by a parallel development of evil. If ever we are to be human beings, if ever we are to create and maintain a human world, much less organize our world as an expression of God's kingdom, each and every one must engage in his own purgation along with development. There must be catharsis-development.

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307

## XXVII The Work

Being-Love, the power that led me into the sacred root, had given me the only experience of this lifetime that can be truly called a heavenly state. It had opened the way for me to enter the only heaven I am likely to know at this stage of my cosmic journey, and I am persuaded that if ever again I enter heaven, it will be through the magic of that Love. I discovered God's kingdom, not in the sky but at hand, interpenetrating the city of New York.

Being-Conscience placed me in purgatory and made me realize that I, and presumably all beings who are in any way impure, must live in and work through purgatory before we can attain and remain in heaven. Being-Conscience plainly said - Purgatory is now, heaven is not yet - for you. Though the kingdom is here and everywhere, you will not be in it permanently because you will not belong in it until you have been cleansed through the lower stations and have become utterly pure.

Once again I saw the three conditions, in terms that are old to the world but that had for me new and deeper significance - hell, purgatory, heaven. Hell, the subnormal or abnormal condition, the condition of exile. Purgatory, the normal condition. Heaven, the supernormal. As one must make his way from the abnormal to the normal, and cannot possibly leap from the abnormal to the supernormal, so one must make his way from hell into purgatory, it being impossible to pass

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308

directly from hell to heaven.

Those who are in hell, if they do not purify themselves, necessarily remain there, and may fall into some still lower condition. Those in hell who think to reach heaven in one step, stall themselves in hell. Those in purgatory who do not advance their purgation risk falling back into hell. Only those in heaven are firmly established, risen beyond the possibility of retrogression.

If I felt thankful to be out of hell, there was no cause for great rejoicing; rather there was cause for continued work. My work was three-fold: not to fall back into hell, to work through purgatory, to enter heaven. The work of those in exile was also three-fold: not to retrogress still further, to work through and out of hell, to enter purgatory. It must be that those in heaven also have work to do, a pure and wonderful work. No longer needing to promote their own catharsis-development, they would be wholly free and able to help others promote theirs. From their high station they could be utterly devoted to the work of aiding beings at the lower stages to progress.

The entire progression, from the pit of hell to the frontiers of heaven, is to be effected by catharsis-development voluntarily undertaken. How else? How else are those in hell to get out of it except by purging themselves of the very properties that make their condition what it is? How else are those in purgatory to progress through and out of it except by continuing to eliminate the impurities that are

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in them? Whatever the condition, the only way out is to
develop out. The only way to God is by growing up to Him.

Catharsis-development is the work for human beings. It could and should be our common work, linking us as only a common undertaking pursued for a common purpose can link people. A wonderful prospect opened, and then closed. But before it closed I had a glimpse of the possibility of the work of catharsis-development providing the common bond for all of us, regardless of differences of station and occupation. Those more advanced, those less advanced, would have the same essential striving. On this basis we would be able to cut through the habitual barriers and really meet, respect, trust, appreciate, and help one another. Those who farmed, those who kept house, the writers and the scientists, the business men, the teachers, the students, all would have the same inner work. All would center their lives, not in conflict but in overcoming, growing, working against all obstacles, whatever the suffering, for the sake of Him who has empowered us to attain the goal.

That this may come to pass, the first thing we are
called upon to do is to release our innate force of growth,
our will to develop. We may release this force, in part, by
removing from ourselves, one by one, the various sorts of de-
bris that block it. We may do it, in part, by affirming and
furthering it on those occasions when, of itself, it partially
breaks through. Once this force becomes steadily active in us,
it will gradually draw us away from other ends to its end, from
the old life to a new life. We will outgrow what to us were

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3/0

interests, pleasures, satisfactions. We will outgrow the old compulsions and grow into a new devotion. Sooner or later we will discover that a basic change has occurred: we have a new inner master. Then and thereafter we will increasingly see all life as a means of catharsis-development. We will live on a developmental basis.

A radical re-evaluation will have taken place. What were formerly regarded as handicaps will now be welcomed as points of application for developmental effort. Outward and inward obstacles will be made to function as resistances upon which we bring to bear our creative forces - and thus, at one and the same time, we overcome the obstacles and strengthen our creative powers through appropriate exercise. These coils wound around us, this egotism - even these, even the collective egotism, will be made to serve our single essential purpose. In a word, we shall make good.

To make good as a body will not satisfy us. Nor to make good as a mind. To make good as a craftsman, a technician, an artist, a doctor - good, but not enough. We shall demand of ourselves that we make good our whole beings - and we shall increasingly live up to our demands. Mothers and fathers, ministers, people working on the seas, in fields, in kitchens, offices, hospitals, men of all colors and conditions, countries, creeds - all, by promoting catharsis-development in themselves and by helping others to do likewise, will make themselves good, pure, great. And this is it. This is the main stream to which all others should be tributaries.

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311

Desiring to promote catharsis-development and therefore on the lookout for occasions to do it, knowing some of the things in ourselves that should be denied and overcome and others that should be affirmed and advanced, we will find opportunity in three interrelated fields of effort: occupational work, human relationships, prayer and worship.

Men ordinarily ply their occupations for the outward results. Inner results are not aimed for, neither are they regarded as of high importance. On the contrary, they are usually ignored or noticed only vaguely as by-products. A farmer cultivates his fields for the sake of the crops. He attends to them, overlooks himself. When harvest time comes he does not enquire if he, as human being, has progressed during the summer. He points and says - Look at my corn! To most workers, in whatever occupations, the work is important chiefly in terms of the quantity and quality of the goods produced, and the financial return. They may improve their methods so as to produce better goods, but not so as to produce better men.

It is true that if the work is constructive, the men themselves are thereby somewhat developed, there are some constructive inner results, but these are negligible compared to what they might be if they were sought, if the worker's purpose were self-development and self-purification, in addition to his ordinary purposes. Occupational work continually calls forth a man's weakness and his strength, his blind spots and his understanding, his tendency to compromise and his integrity,

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his egotism and something of the real human being. Then what
an opportunity! What a chance to work on these characteris-
tics as they are called forth. What a field for catharsis-
development. If a man sees it this way, and works for it,
he will produce a man as well as goods. Occupational work
will thus become an important tributary to the great work.

Human relationships, from marriage to politics, from
social gatherings to social conflicts, including some aspects
even of war, are also first rate occasions for the advance-
ment of catharsis-development. Without conscious effort on
our parts, some catharsis and some development may occur as
we live and work together, in response to the demands of life-
situations. But here too the results are small and slow-coming
compared to what they might be and would be if we made conscious
effort for them. If and as such effort is added to our usual
efforts, if and as human relationships are used as means of
catharsis-development, they too become a main branch of the
great work.

The third field of effort centers around the attempt,
as in prayer, to relate ourselves directly to spiritual re-
ality. This inner-action seeks an immediate contact with the
indwelling God, with a greater consciousness, with the unitary
life that underlies our separated existences. By it we strive
to lift our vision above ourselves and above the other fields
of work. By it we try to glimpse the goal, to renew in the
heart a glowing sense of the larger meaning and purpose, thus
fortifying ourselves anew, thus casting on this world the

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light and the beauty of another world. By it we practice
the presence of God. If its main intention is achieved we
will find ourselves here and now, if only briefly, on the
frontiers of the kingdom.

Each one needs to work in all three fields. To neglect a field is to forfeit an opportunity. However, each will find himself more in need of or more able in, and therefore preferring, one field to another. This is natural, since our capacities differ and our needs change as we go through life. I would say, nevertheless, that it is possible and desirable for each and all to work in all three fields to some extent in the course of every year, indeed in the course of every day. Sometimes, work in one field will exclude work in the others. At other times, work may be carried on in two or even three fields in one and the same life-situation. This latter is the ideal possibility for those whose lives are chiefly lived in the world of every day events.

Thus this life becomes a growing ground. It is transformed, as our conscious efforts accelerate the operations of God's creative force.

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314

XXVIII It Can Be Done

Those who have realistically worked for being-develop-
ment, and have anything like a true conception of what a com-
pletely developed being would be, know without doubt that the
work cannot be completed in one life-time. Granting that we
make all possible effort, the most that we can do in one life
is to advance ourselves somewhat, effecting certain changes
some of which may be radical, gaining certain resgluts which,
however impressive they may be, are but steps on the way of
attainment. To attain the goal - conscious union with God
by having perfectly grown up to Him - evidently requires that
we, as beings, continue existing in a long series of conditions
that allow for continued development. We will have to outlive
this life, and a number of appearances in this earthly world.
To me it seems probable if not certain that we will have to
live and work in other spheres as well as this earthly workshop.

It is not necessary to know how long it will take. But
it is important that we be assured that we will be in existence
however long it takes. Otherwise we will be in doubt that it
can be done, and therefore unable to put ourselves whole-
heartedly into the work. Nor is it necessary to know where
and what the other workshops are; the present one is sufficient
for those present in it. But it is vital that we understand
that there is being-continuity.

Assurance that there is time enough, and that we con-
tinue existing, are psychological necessities for those who
would undertake this most difficult of works with all their

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heart and with all their strength. The building of a house
is a relatively simple and easy project. Yet who would attempt
it were it believed that, in the nature of things, construc-
tion would have to be stopped, and the work destroyed, before
the building was even half completed? The growing of a wheat
crop is a comparatively small enterprise. Yet what farmer
would plant wheat if he believed that it would grow only into
a two inch sprout? The builder of houses has the assurance of
continuity-to-completion, a reasonable degree of permanence.
The farmer has assurance that the seeded grain can, and under
even moderately favorable conditions will germinate and grow
to full maturity. And so they ply themselves to their respec-
tive works. Human beings need, but unfortunately often lack,
assurance as regards the possibility of completing their own
building, their own growth, their own catharsis-development.
Without such conviction or faith, they are likely to, as most
men do, turn their energies into other channels, working on and
for what they believe it possible to accomplish. Or, if they
attempt the great work, they do so subject to the gnawing sense
that their efforts may prove to have been in vain.

Considerations such as these were the incentive for the
passages of this book that express my grounds for knowing that
the evolving core of human beings continues on and on. They
explain why, having just written of what I am sure is the es-
sential work of man, I would reaffirm that in the scheme of
things it is possible to carry on that work to completion.

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316

Being-development requires being-continuity. There is such continuity. In order to bring ourselves to full maturity we need a full growing-season. There is such season. In the Universe, and available to man, there is everything necessary for the full realization of all our potentialities. There is time enough for all that happens in time to be accomplished. Real needs can be fulfilled. The need and the possibility of fulfilling it co-exist. This is the way the Universe is designed for bodies, for minds, for beings. Otherwise there would be no bodies, no minds, no beings. Therefore we may be whole hearted in undertaking, here and now, the work whose end will not be reached in our present earth-life, but surely at some time in the vast span of the cosmos.

Each one, of course, must find this knowledge and faith within himself, not as arrived at through the mental process alone but as revealed through the kind of experiences that awaken us. Yet the testimony of others has value as confirmation, and sometimes it kindles.

Though our personal powers are limited, our extra-individual powers are expanding. As men we can do only so much, but as beings in whom God dwells we are capable of unlimited attainment, and have an unlimited responsibility.

Man is not this body only, though the body is a reservoir of largely untapped abilities and is capable of actions far beyond what our habitual use of it would lead us to suspect. Nor is man this mind only, though the potentialities of the mind greatly exceed our customary expectations. We are not

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317

shanties that stand up for a day and then are blown over by
the wind. Man is a sufficiently mysterious combination of
all he see, know, and experience, and more, far more. The
body is his visible base. From it a tower ordinarily invi-
sible, rises immeasurably into the heavens. There are ter-
races upon terraces lifting to that nonattached apex called
the Ultimate Being, which is one with God.

Our conceptions of what man is and can do, our lives
and efforts and aims, simply give evidence of the terrace to
which our individual consciousness has climbed. Each one re-
ports according to his placement, as of the day and hour he
speaks. Those on the same terrace have similar experiences
and speak much the same language. They recognize their kin-
ship, though they have risen in different parts of the world
or in different historical times. Those on different terraces
tend to be strangers to one another, though they are blood-
brothers.

Who then will say with finality what man is and can do?
Who, with even one eye open, will measure the foot and claim
he has measured man? Who, with even half a mind, will believe
that what men habitually do is a true gauge of their full po-
tentialities? Who will deny the rising terraces their powers?
Who will dogmatically state that death destroys the apex with
the base, the being with the body?

God wills that we grow. He can hardly mean us to ger-
minate only until we become sprouts of men, to be destroyed
then. He must mean that we proceed through the entire cycle
of growth until we become completed and perfected beings.

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He must mean us ultimately to become, in terms of the order of life to which we belong, as mature, as ripened and fully formed as wheat is at harshest time. Otherwise, what the sense of creating and planting man? See things in this light and reason assures us that the divine Farmer has provided everything necessary so that the growth of the beings now called human can be advanced and fulfilled. Be ye perfect, is a commandment that we can obey. Since God wills it, we can do it.

This life is not an end but a means. If we so regard it, we will be in a position to make good use of it. But if we regard it as an end, we expect what it cannot yield, and overlook what it can yield. The events of this time and this world have their chief importance in that they contribute to and further, or detract from and retard, the long range process of unfolding and perfecting.

We would fare better, here and now, if we had and never lost an awareness of ourselves and of our fellow beings in terms of our cosmic careers. We would live and work more intently, and more purely too, if we realized that we have lived before and will live again, passing in and out of life-forms and life-conditions but never out of existence; and that in the future as in the past we will work through innumerable situations for the same fundamental reasons that cause us to experience the situations of this life.

There is danger in the view that we have practically endless time. It may incline people all the more to waste

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time, dulling the sense of need for immediate effort, daily
effort, greater effort. However, I think that this danger
must be risked, for the sake of those who are ready to un-
dertake the great building of themselves.

We need a sense of eternity in order to do our best
now. We need vision of the whole to do justice to the part.
People speak of the "large view", the "long view". How
large is the view that stops at body or at the personal
self? That stops at community, nation, race? How long
the view that stops at modern history? At human history?
At the Earth? Surely to be really large and long a view
should take in the Universe and the endless evolution of
life and beings.

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## XXIX Uncomprehended

Nowhere in this record has it been possible to describe adequately the total *frame* of consciousness. The most that I could do was to indicate aspects of it, one at a time. Nor have I been able to show the several main currents that flowed along together. The changing foreground has claimed attention, and it may be thought that there was no constant background. It may have seemed that previous realizations were displaced as new ones were gained. This of course did happen, but not in the case of my fundamental realizations.

The reality of the Universe, the realness of myself and others as beings of the Universe located for a time on this Earth, these and certain other vivid recognitions were always in consciousness. They increased as the total experience progressed, were intensified by the emergence of Conscience. In general, Being-Consciousness increased as Being-Conscience increased. Consciousness was greatest when Conscience reached zenith.

Likewise, certain feelings directly connected with Conscience remained with me and grew stronger. I have tried to indicate the growth of one of these, that of responsibility. Of others, such as the deepening sense that it is grave as well as noble to be in existence, the steady relentless increase of inward pressure, I have said little because I knew I could not even trace their progress, much less make them live in these pages as they lived in me.

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Now, however, we have come to the place where just
these feelings ought to be brought forward, as they were at
this phase of the actual experience. The profound discomfort,
especially, ought to be made real, for around it, now, the
entire experience seemed to turn.

More than once during this writing I have looked ahead,
seen what was coming next, and felt - I'll never be able to
do it. But, once into it, something has come to my rescue,
and the writing has been done well enough to let stand. This
time? Long before I made the decision to try to write this
record, I had a sinking feeling that this part would stop me,
if no other did. Well, here we are, and I must go on. It
will help me to confess that the difficulty is not only in
the writing but even more so in my understanding. I did not
and still do not comprehend the struggle which this chapter
should express.

As the force of Conscience increased, it seemed that
I was in an incredible furnace whose fire consumed yet re-
newed me. Something deep in me wanted this regeneration and,
for its sake, welcomed the suffering. I sensed a sacred cur-
rent in it, a meaning that related me to a universal meaning,
that seemed to fuse my life with God's design. Yet something
almost as deep wanted respite. The tension seemed too great.
Conscience seemed excessive. What possible need for inward
purity could require this ordeal? What possible actions could
fully utilize such power? Nothing in this or any world, nor

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any attainment, seemed worth this price. Surely for no pur-
pose of my own would I have willingly submitted to such cru-
cifixion.

In time, the incomprehensible situation forced me to
surmise that the very existence of this seemingly excessive
Conscience must mean that there was an inconceivable goal.
Its attainment would be worth every measure of this purgation,
and was possible only through such purgation. But I felt I
would burst long before I reached that goal. Conscience had
become a kind of demiurgic power too great for me to contain.

I tried to hold firm to the feeling that what I was
undergoing was for the sake of the Nameless. Again and again
I lost that hold. I even turned against the goal. I rejected
the value of suffering. I was ready to say that I wanted no
further development unless it could take place without catharsis.

I passed through a crisis or two, and in the intervals
attempted to reason about the situation, reconcile myself to
it. Cannot a being live with his own creative powers? Was
not Conscience, one of these? Very well then. I could bear
Conscience, if I would. This seemed to be the gist of it.
I could if I would. Perhaps I had already weathered the worst
of it. I resolved that I would. But, earnest though the de-
termination was, my mind was not reassured. There was some-
thing very strange about all this.

My opposition to Conscience - was it an opposition,
was it even an unwillingness? How possible? Were there for-
ces in me that could will other than Conscience willed? Was
there a my-will, a self-will existing as a separated power?

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323

Was I, as something apart from Conscience, turning against
the greatest single force, save one, to enter my life? Was
I shrinking when really put to the test?

Precisely what in me felt that the breaking point had
been reached, that I would burst unless given respite? Not
my being. Being, which is extending, could not possibly feel
over-extended. My body? Was it insufficiently trained and
tempered to endure such experience for long?

My questioning was forcibly disrupted by a return of
the intolerable stretching. The discomfort became so acute
that it was all I could do to remember my resolve to try to
bear it. I was caught, and could not possibly escape. How
long would it last? Where was it leading me? If only I knew
about this, I might find it in me to bear up until Conscience,
of itself, lessened its force.

The ordeal increased until the cry was wrung from me -
How can it be? How can it be! I was so incredulous as at
any time during the entire experience. Not when the Power
first began its wonder-work, or when I had first found myself
in Being, had there been so stark a sense that the impossible
was happening.

I spent part of a day and a whole night - an eternity
to me - in an overwhelming blaze, in purgatory no doubt, but
in a purgatory of such intensity that I would have welcomed
an escape into hell. By morning my resolve to remain positive
had broken down. I let it go, all the more readily because I
suspected that my struggle to affirm Conscience may have con-
tributed to the tension. I had had enough.

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I wanted to be rid of this Conscience, to retire, at
any rate, to a comfortable distance from it. I no longer
cared what was sacrificed or what lost. I prayed to be taken
out of the state I knew I ought to want to remain in. I asked
to be delivered. Let me go back into exile. Let me return to
my ego-prison, if its walls would protect me from this reality.

Persuading myself that something very wrong had hap-
pened, that such anguish did not belong in the true path of
catharsis-development, I now felt justified in casting about
for a means of escape, on the chance that I might have over-
looked one. Several ideas presented themselves. Knowing in
advance they would prove to be ridiculous ineffectual measures,
I nevertheless experimented, only to discover what I was al-
ready sure of. I had no power for this shameful enterprise.
I tried to dim my consciousness, to get back into the ordinary
awareness. I tried to force or in some way maneuver myself
into exile. I failed. If I needed additional proof, here it
was. It was impossible by my wish or will or by any action,
to push Conscience out of me, or pull myself away from it.
I could not be Conscience-less.

Nor was it possible to sleep, as one sleeps at night,
for any length of time. Even this form of rest and forgetting
was denied me. Strange as it may seem, I was not tired enough
to sleep. Sleep was not needed to restore my energies. Con-
science was like a dynamo perpetually supplying me with abun-
dant and inexhaustible energy. A sleepy yawn would have been
as welcome as water to a man in a blazing desert. Though I

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occasionally seemed to doze off, the great force never slept.
I had the impression that it would remain fully awake through-
out all the days and nights of the Universe - and keep me awake.

To a man lost in a desert, Nature is merciful. As he
compels himself to keep moving, trudging on and on, packed in
by hot sands under foot and an intolerable sun beating down
from above, exhaustion overtakes him. His consciousness fades,
his faculties depart. Towards the end, when otherwise he
would be most aware of his predicament and suffering most,
he escapes into fantasies, loses all contact with reality,
and finally becomes quite numbed, so that he no longer knows
or cares what is happening to him.

Not so with me. No mercy was shown. There was no
exhaustion, no numbing, no escape into delirium. This inner
sun literally burned me to life. Energies increased. Con-
sciousness became greater than ever before. Never had I been
so acutely aware of what was happening to me, though without
comprehending it. I was and knew I was packed in a mighty
force. An indefatiguable power ruled that I was not to rest.
An immortal power would not allow the loss of consciousness
that precedes mortal death.

Having doubly assured myself, by tests, that I could
not escape, I clung to the hope that it might be possible to
gain at least temporary relief. Of the ways in which I tried
to do this, I will tell of but one. This will indicate how
useless they all were. I went to a movie.

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XXX Zenith

A block or so away from the 23rd Street rooms were
several movie houses that served dreams to the neighborhood
dreamers. I headed for the nearest, half-persuading myself
that the unreal film might somewhat neutralize my all too real
feelings. Perhaps the picture would, as people say, take me
out of myself, if only for a brief time, providing escape in-
to fantasies which I could not conjure for myself.

As I went along the street I had, as ever, an awareness
of being on Earth and, at the same time, a sense of moving with-
in a vast inhabited realm whose geography was shown in nearby
planets and remote stars. I could not help but behold the
grandeur of it all. Though it was night-time on Earth, I knew
that there is a pervading light in the Universe. The glitter
of stars might be the only light that man's eyes could see,
but the stars themselves were reminders of an invisible bright-
ness.

Now I did not want to be reminded, did not want to see
or feel. Something awe-ful was at the root of things. I had
come too close to the tremendous foundations. Created beings
were not supposed to approach this near. It was as though my
power-plant had been unlocked beyond all bounds, and I propelled
farther, deeper than I ought to go. A gate, thrown wide open,
had been left open too long. Through it there poured into me,
from the invisible worlds, a fiery river that consumed my sub-
stance - and yet, miraculously left me intact. For here I was,

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327

all together, going down the street, to all appearances per-
fedtly knit and at ease. How extraordinary! How did I con-
tinue to cohere? I seemed as intact as when I had walked
this same street, joined in love with things and beings, re-
sponding to the God of love and beauty.

People passed to and fro along the sidewalk. A boy
and girl walked just ahead. They seemed happy enough. Per-
haps they were wondering if they loved one another. What a
small and rose-colored world they lived in.

As before, I saw people as earth-beings, living down
here on just this planet of all the planets of the cosmos.
I knew they were virtually sleeping as they walked - and I
knew they were my kin. I knew, too, that the great Conscience,
which was altogether too potent in me, was latent in them, but
could awaken in them as it had in me. Surely I would not try
to awaken it. I had no wish to bring upon anyone what I was
suffering. Let them sleep as long as they could. Let them
dream, and so be kept from coming too close to the awe-ful
crypt of the world. Were I able, I would kindle them to the
noble way of awakened beings, and wish for them a more toler-
able purgatory. I would call them forth to brotherhood, to
God as beauty, but not to this terrible God.

I found myself envying those insulated kin of mine. I
yearned for their comfortable somnambulism, their little plea-
sures. I wanted to be protected, as they were. Their pains
were pleasures compared to what I was enduring. Their igno-
rance seemed more desirable than my knowledge, their imprisonment

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328

ment preferable to my intolerable freedom. I felt I had seen
enough, experienced enough, stretched enough to last me as
long as I lived.

The front of the movie house was all aglitter. Walking
into a shower of gaudiness, I bought a ticket and passed into
the dim, stuffy, ill-smelling interior. The place was packed,
but I found a seat. With people at both elbows and all around,
I tried to become as they were, to shut the door of my inner
life and narrow down to what can be seen through the eyes of
the body. I tried to put myself in the attitude of a man in
the ordinary state, come to a movie as a way of passing a
pleasant evening.

The first thing to happen was that my consciousness
took a snapshot of me, in that setting; and this picture was
placed indelibly in my memory along with that of my first bus
ride up Fifth Avenue. From then on, and even today, whenever
I am in the audience of a theatre, that picture is likely to
return, and I am reminded of myself in Being, in Conscience,
in the Universe.

I focused on the screen, trying to forget myself. I
followed the film, endeavoring to make it seem real. I tried
to give myself to those fluttering images, inviting illusion,
asking to be seduced by dreams. After a time I became in-
terested in the effort simply as an experiment. Could it be
done? Could the unreal come to have power over the active
real? Could a man in Being, even if he so willed, be drawn
out of himself by external appearances and made to believe
that the appearances were reality? I became somewhat scienti-

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fic and impersonal. This slightly reduced the need that had brought me to the theatre. But my efforts were intermittent. When they flagged, in came Conscience, burning away the mite of unreality that had managed to accumulate. In came Consciousness, confronting me with the reality of myself, these people, this tiny movie house, all contained within the unimaginable structure of the Universe.

Never before had I had such a sense of magnitude and majesty, such recognition of the light and life that radiate from the universal Consciousness. And never before so keen a perception of men on Earth, within the Universe, within the all-embracing Consciousness, yet existing as if outside of it, shut in. I seemed literally to see their conditions. Though they were beings, to themselves they were not. To them, the body-mind-ego was the only reality - and now they were not aware even of that. The "experience" of the movie was taking them into something even more unreal. Even their habitual awareness was lost in a series of pictures flashing across a screen. Dreaming before they came in, the movie now set up in them a second and more ordered dream. They were double-dreaming. For the present, at least, they gave no thought to the problems of what they took to be real life. Gone were their worries about food, rent, bills, jobs, husbands, wives, children. Gone were their fears of illness, poverty, old age, death. They had paid a quarter to forget. They were getting their money's worth.

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330

As for my experiment, I found that the unreal has no power over the active real. The unreal has power only over the unreal. This discovery gave me some reason to feel that my efforts had not been wasted; but as for accomplishing what I had desired ...

As I sat there, body enclosed in the theatre building, myself trying to curl up and hide away, the Universe came in and, from within, exposed me. There was no hiding in this house, no dreaming with this film, no comfort in the warm human bodies packed around. I might as well have been, in body as in consciousness, alone, exposed.

Of a sudden I felt a power deep down in me, spring up. I was made uncurl. I was made stand up, within. I was made square myself with my full stature. I was made realize, anew, the noble way of awakened beings. And with this act a reconciliation occurred. I found myself in a state that, in contrast to my recent anguish, seemed serene.

It was night-time in the outer world, dark in the theatre. But within myself I was in the midday of a great light and a holy burning; and in this meridian not only I but all men seemed to live, in suffering but unutterably wonderful, consumed in a fire that burned the dross to ashes, and recreated the essential substance in the ensuring like-ness of the terrible and resplendent God who loves.

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331

XXXI Fall

I somehow knew that this was the consummation. Con-
science had been moving me through ordeal, through denials
and affirmations, to this reconciliation. The tensions, the
stretching and discomfort were seen to have had their place
in an unfolding which I would have prematurely stopped, had
I been able. My very struggles against Conscience had had
their function in bringing about this final resolution. My
attempts to escape the inescapable, particularly the movie
experiment, had played straight into its hands. Conscience
had not only out-shone my denials, it had made use of them as
it proceeded on its majestic course. Now it was finished.

I had a sense of all of this before I left the movie.
It is finished. I was too deeply aglow to wonder what this
intimation meant. I was living so sheerly in the present
that I could not ask, with any real concern, what would hap-
pen next. Yet I knew that something inevitably would follow
this meridian.

After leaving the movie I walked the streets, existing
in the after-glow of that great light and holy burning. The
tremendous foundations were still close, but they did not ter-
rify me now. I felt merged with the sacred current of God's
Universe. I was filled with a sense of the noble way of a-
wakened beings as they live and work to fulfill the will of
the Nameless. If suffering continued, I did not feel it as
such. I seemed risen, flowing in a new equilibrium that may
have been peace.

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332

After a while I became aware that some definite new
happening was under way. By the time I returned to my rooms
the signs of this new trend were unmistakable. The inner
light was lessening. Conscience was withdrawing its commands.
Even self-responsibility was relaxing. It was as though no
demand of any kind were being made of me, simply that I be as
I was, flow as I was flowing.

I really fell asleep that night, and slept well. On
awakening the next morning, it seemed that the new phase had
continued on its course while I slept. By noon of that day I
was quite certain that Conscience, the entire center, was sub-
merging as irresistibly as it had emerged. The submerging
was as incredible as the emerging. Apparently I had accus-
tomed myself to thinking that Conscience would be with me al-
ways - and it was going, sinking into the mysterious depths
from which it had risen.

Suddenly I wanted to hold it; but into my consciousness
came the knowledge - It is finished. I beheld this inner sun
setting somewhat as we see the physical sun descending towards
the horizon.

Now I was really startled. Consciousness was going too!
I was losing Consciousness! I must have assumed that it was
possible to lose Conscience without falling from Consciousness.
Why not? I had been in Consciousness before Conscience emerged.
Then why should I not remain in Consciousness after Conscience
departed? Indeed why not? But it was not to be. Though the
retreat of Conscience had probably begun first, I could not

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333

now doubt that my realization of myself and others as beings
of the Universe, was becoming less vivid.

The entire frame of Being-Consciousness was diminish-
ing. My being-volume seemed to contract from all points at
the same time, shrinking and yet keeping proportion. As my
largeness decreased, steadily approaching the dimensions of
an ordinary man, I found I was living in a world that was be-
coming smaller and smaller.

As I lost volume I lost altitude. I was literally
coming down - down to the earth, down to my body, down to the
personal self that was soon to reappear as if from nowhere.
Translate the physical loss of altitude - as when an airplane
prepares to land - into the terms of an event in conscious-
ness, and you will have a rough idea of my sensations of de-
scent.

I fell. Not my body. It had been down there all along.
Not my being. It must have remained in its realm. It was I
who fell - and great was the fall thereof. What greater than
from one world to another?

Fall is the most exact word I can find to denote the
nature of this event. This leads me to think that the mythi-
cal fall of Adam may not be so mythical after all. Perhaps
the biblical story of the Fall originally referred to an ac-
tual loss of Being, Conscience, Love, experienced by men long
ago, a loss effected in a way similar to that of my experience.

Consciousness and Conscience withdrew from me, I fell
away from them, and I could not stay or in any way alter what

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334

was happening. I knew very well that what had started would be accomplished - though as yet I had no sure idea of where I would find myself when it was over. I was in the power of the Power - though, by all signs, it was now working in reverse. I was losing my greater life for a lesser one - and it had to be. And I felt: It is right. I have had my day in Being.

The fall was not a lengthy process. It was rounded off, I would say, in some twenty-four hours. I shall not describe it at length, but must mention certain facts in further testimony of the extraordinary operations that can occur in human beings.

Here too was a perfect working. The descent, as a process, was as extraordinary as the ascent. I was let down, gradually, gently, surely. Again I was pervaded with the feeling that a Mind, a Hand, was overseeing and directing. What knowledge in that Mind, what precision in that Hand!

This, too, was a radical change, a downward transformation, a sweeping revolution affecting my entirety; and, like the upward transformation, it took place with incredible order, harmony, and foresight. This too was a wonder-work, and I marveled that such things could happen in a being.

But I did not behold the intricate inner-workings of the fall, as I had those of the rise. The light was fading. My powers of insight were less keen. I was losing consciousness instead of gaining it, departing from the inner brightness instead of moving into it. So this phase of the experi-

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335

ence was less vivid to me though hardly less memorable, than
the rise.

At some station in the course of descent I suddenly
knew to what I must be falling - exile. There could be no
other alternative. I was on the way to the state that men
call waking, heading for my ego-prison. I was dying to life
and entering that strange death. The day of my awakening
would soon be over, and I would sleep. The intolerable free-
dom to suffer as a being should suffer was giving way to a
tolerable confinement. Already I was resting.

Not yet, however, was the condition to which I was re-
turning real to me in a personal sense. I could not feel what
it would be like to become a personal self again, nor feel,
with any sense of loss or regret, what it meant to lose Being.
So knowledge of my destination caused no distress. I accepted
the inevitable. My sensations were distinctly pleasurable,
not unlike those experienced just before one drops off to sleep.

Then a poignant recognition aroused me from my pleasant
drifting. I was made know that this was a sunset, the like of
which might never again occur in this life-time. A beauty and
glory were passing. I was beholding the tower of my life de-
scend to the flat earth - and when might it again arise? Then
let me see, while light remained. Let me appreciate. This
was an opportunity to witness the mysterious way in which a
being, through radical change of consciousness resulting in
loss of Consciousness, seems to pass out of the Universe and
to exist apart from God.

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336

Now a hush was upon me, and in this silence I was alert,
held in a sober mood, feeling a sorrow that was not for myself,
a world-sorrow. I seemed to be in a holy place, participating
in a mystery.

I remained in Being, on "that side", until the very end.
Conscience was the first to disappear entirely; then Conscious-
ness. The body of my being diminished until it was hardly lar-
ger than the physical body, and then vanished. The instant it
 vanished I made the reverse transit back into body-mind - and
here I was, on "this side", again this-me.

I vividly recalled, as we have seen, the place and ap-
proximate time of the beginning of the experience. My memory
is indelibly stamped with the fact that the wonder-working be-
gan as I stood on that never to be forgotten 66th Street "L"
station, around ten o'clock of that April evening. I cannot
say exactly where or when the experience ended. This probably
means that at the time I was not altogether certain when it
was finished. Since the movement downward into comparative
darkness was so gentle, since moreover a certain after-glow
remained for perhaps a week after I was forced to recognize
that I was out of Being, it seems likely that the actual end
came before I was aware of it.

This, however, I do recall. I was in my rooms when some-
thing in me suggested - Isn't it finished now? Aren't you your
ordinary self? And I said - It can't be. Such things can't
happen. They simply can't. What do you mean, my ordinary self?
I can't be that. But something insisted - Just the same, it
had happened, as you will find.

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337

If out of Being, I must be in exile. But I did not feel exiled - not yet. If out of my reality I must be in the very self that had seemed nonexistent while I was in Being. But neither did I feel this. True, I was not as awake and aware as I had been, but I was still awake, still aware, not shut in.

There was a conflict between fact and feeling, knowing and incredulity, incredulity mounting and keeping pace with the mounting certainty that I was back again in the condition that had been mine before the experience began. The contest was not resolved until the symptoms of exile became impressive and inescapable, as of course they did, after a time.

At one point something in me clicked. Now I was more certain that my holiday from myself was over. I stood stock still and looked around. I was as astonished to have returned from the voyage as I had been to start on it. Here I was, on this side of the invisible bridge, returned to the world that would never be mine, in the rooms that would never be my home.

Trucks, trolleys and motor-cars passed along the street outside. I suppose they were making the usual noise, but the world seemed very quiet. I had a sense that I ought not stir or even breathe lest I disturb a necessary stillness. A life, a whole world had gone from me, gone quietly, leaving no visible mark of its passing. I waited, as if expecting something to happen, as if feeling that what had gone must return.

It couldn't be gone. How could it? It was not possible

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338

that I had lost contact with my real being. Why should the Power, by which I had grown into reality, throw me into reverse, cause loss of growth? How could any power divorce a being from his being? What was the sense of beings making effort to grow if, by God's will they are lifted up, and by God's will are let down? It just couldn't be. Yet it was.

When I walked, I moved quietly - a man in a most curious state; knowing but not yet thoroughly believing, resigned yet expectant, looking for something, having no clear idea as to where it might be found, certain that it could be found yet uncertain that he, by will and effort, could ever recover it.

Presently all incredulity ended, and knowledge was uncontested. I knew, throughout myself, that the Power had returned to its atom, and I my ordinary self again - but with my work as a being in this life made explicit. Just how changed I was, what other carry-overs there might be, were things still to be seen. However that turned out, I was a person again, a man with a name and a place in the habitual human world. Fallen from the state of awakened beings, I was again one of the exiles - but, remembering.

I became aware of feeling pure and weightless. It was as if a great breath, which had been in me, and was gone now, had taken away my solidity. It was as though a fire had cleansed me, and a water cooled me, leaving me tempered, wondrously refreshed and lucent.

I knelt to the nameless God, who once had seemed terrible, and thanked him, offering with all my strength and with all my soul an humble and radiant gratitude.

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# I Orientation

Each of the major religions is, in essence, an over-all means of catharsis-development leading to transformation, transcendence, new birth. Each of these teachings is a way of living based on man making right effort to rightly relate himself to himself, to Nature, and to God. Each contains definite methods and practices. Some practices are common to all. These may be regarded as the root-practices of the religious life.

Search the literature of Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Mohammedanism, and you will come upon indications and, in places, expositions of methods. The trouble is that though they point to what you should do, there is no guarantee that you will do it correctly. Besides, when you read the sacred books on the lookout for what to do, you will very likely find yourself in the midst of so many practices that you won't know which to select, where to begin. Still another difficulty is that you may not be able to recognize a method when you read of it, for it may be unlabelled and embedded in other matters. Looking back at my early searches I can see that I came upon a number of basic practices but was unable to recognize them as such, much less interpret their meaning as regards exactly what I was to do.

Each branch of each major teaching has its more or less peculiar practices. Differences of methodology as well as differences of theology mark the several ways. The many minor

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teachings have their ways. Each man and woman of any real
attainment may have come upon new discoveries and is certain
to have developed some of the root-practices in his and her
own way. All in all, the total number of means and methods
is considerable, and variations are innumerable. No one man
can hope to learn them all, much less employ them all. Nor
does he need to. What you and I need are just those practices
that fit our individual needs at our given stage of development.
It is useless to store in the mind more means than we can use
in life. A superficial acquaintance with many methods, a jump-
ing from one to another, is worse than knowing none.

On the other hand, there is danger, I think, in getting
hold of but one method and believing that it alone is enough
to meet the needs of the whole man. So far as I know, there
is no one method, useable by most of us, that will meet our
rather numerous and complex requirements, serving the three-
fold need of catharsis, development, and a direct approach to
spiritual reality. My observation has been that those who rely
on one method only, neglect one or the other of the threefold
needs, with the result that they tend towards a one-sided de-
velopment which must at some time be balanced by the use of
other methods. Why not strike a balance to begin with? The
progress may seem less rapid, but is less subject to disaster,
and so, in the long run, more certain.

The ideal is the golden mean between too many and too
few. We need enough and just enough means to meet our needs.
And these of course must be right means, right, that is, for us.

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If we attempt to use methods that presuppose types, conditions, and stages of development different from ours, they will prove to be either ineffectual or harmful.

Not too many, not too few, means right for us, these we do need. Psycho-religious means are as necessary to the religious life as are scientific methods to the scientific life. Spiritual means are as required for our maintenance and progress in the spiritual world as are material means for our maintenance and advance in the material world. We cannot do without means in any life, in any world, in any undertaking. As obvious as this truth would seem to be, the unfortunate fact is that it is overlooked by all too many of those who would develop and move forward in being, in consciousness, in spirit. This explains why they do not really move. This shows why they do not practice what they preach: they have no practices.

Everyone recognizes the need of material means; and so, as far as they are able, they acquire them. Relatively few recognize the need of religious means; and so they fail to acquire them. No one relies on general experience to fit him to become a carpenter, a farmer, a business man, a physician. No one expects to drift into a respected place in these occupations. No one thinks that by aiming for something else he will somehow hit one of these marks. We know that if we are to become able in any of these ways, this must be our aim. We know that it is necessary to be trained and to learn the essential techniques. And so we do these things, with the result that there are people developed as craftsmen and doctors, becoming

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ever more able, ever more skilled. Yet many who hope to
advance in the religious life aim chiefly for other ends,
occupy themselves largely with other careers. They rely on
general experience, hoping somehow to drift to God. Instead
of first seeking the kingdom, assured that other things will
be added unto them, they first seek the other things and ex-
pect the kingdom to be given as a bonus.

It is to be repeated and repeated: we will not drift
into the kind of attainment envisaged here. The obstacles
within us are too numerous and too stubborn, the drift of the
world around us is in just the opposite direction. If we
yield to it we shall recede from the goal. Nor will it do to
loaf and invite one's soul. Too often the soul declines the
invitation. We must work to get there, if we are to get there.
We must aim for that, be devoted to that. Other aims and oc-
cupations, however good, are not enough. This aim and this
occupation must underlie and overtop the others.

Belief in the sufficiency of general experience, like
belief in inevitable progress, is a fallacy under which people
merely mark time, or jog along, or retrogress, all the while
thinking they are progressing. General experience is not
enough because, as we ordinarily live, our beings are closed
out from experience and can neither contribute to nor profit
by it. General experience is what occurs to us on this side
of the barrier, with our souls left out. It does not wear
down the barrier. It does not ensure catharsis. It does not
ensure development. It may and often does increase the evil

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in us far more effectively than it increases the good. If we would unfold as beings, we must become able to make good use of what befalls us. We must learn how to take hold of experience, shape it to our purpose, extract its essence, reject its dross. It is in this way and only in this way that everyday events are transformed, our earthly life spiritualized and made to serve regeneration.

Right effort awaits right means. Right means release right effort. As obvious as this is, we will not see it until the life within us awakens, and our eyes open. No matter what we read or what is said to us, the need of means will not be felt until we realize that there is no other way. Dissatisfaction with everyday experience, trials and failures, may be the initial awakeners. It depends upon how we respond.

For some twenty-five years I have been on the lookout for effective methods suited to my needs and within the range of my ability, the needs and the range somewhat changing with the passing years. There was considerable fruitless seeking, some real finds. Descriptions of certain of them will be found in the following chapters. It has been my aim throughout the book, but especially in this part, to have in mind those who may be going over this ground for the first time.

These methods and practices suit me and my needs, as of today. I think it will be seen that they do in some real measure answer the threefold need of catharsis, development, and a direct approach to spiritual reality. But they may not suit you and your needs. Accounts of similar and additional

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means will be found in Aldous Huxley's "The Perennial Philosophy" and "Ends and Means", particularly the chapter Religious Practices; Gerald Heard's "A Preface to Prayer", and his two pamphlets, "Training for the Life of the Spirit"; Rufus M. Jones's "The Faith and Practice of the Quakers", particularly the chapter, The Structure and Method of the Society of Friends; Douglas V. Steere's "Prayer and Worship"; Alexandra David-Neal's "Buddhism and Its Methods"; Geraldine Coster's "Yoga and Western Psychology"; "The Bhagavad-Gita"; and, of course, Christ's Sermon on the Mount.

All of these books contain wisdom that everyone seriously interested in these matters should become acquainted with. It is well to read and re-read them. It is amazing how one picks up, this year, vital points that were missed last year. Instruktion may come in a more immediate and personal form. There is a saying, which some have found true, that when the pupil is ready the teacher appears.

Before describing the methods themselves, there are some further preliminary ideas and attitudes that I think should be considered.

I believe in acts of Grace. How could I not? I am sure that we are sometimes visited by Grace beyond anything we may as it were be entitled to by our efforts. But I am equally sure that we should not rely solely on Grace, absolving ourselves from responsibility and becoming psycho-spiritually lazy. It is as true as it is trite: God helps those who help themselves.

As already indicated, I do not believe in inevitable progress. Retrogression is just as possible and more probable.

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I do not believe in inevitable progress except in the sense
that many aeons hence the created universe may cease to exist,
and then even the most wayward souls will have to return to
God because there will be nowhere else to go. We are called
upon to make effort if we are to progress, right effort faci-
litated by right means; but, as surely as I know that methods
are necessary, so do I know that their use is not without danger.

The soil of the earth, untouched by man, unplowed, with-
out agriculture, yields too little to meet man's need. By
agriculture we increase the yield, yet in breaking the sod
we risk exposing the top-soil to erosion. We risk upsetting
Nature's balance in the earth by our very culture of it. Un-
wise farming sooner or later destroys that which it set out to
cultivate. A once fertile area becomes a desert.

Man, unplowed, without religion, is and remains too
little to satisfy human purpose, and God's purpose for man.
By religion men can develop themselves; but in undertaking
this we run risks. The unwise farming of men is as disastrous
as the unwise farming of the land. There have been those,
zealous in their wrong practices and believing they were draw-
ing close to the supreme Reality, who have lost what sanity
they had, and plunged into an abyss beyond the reach of human
hands.

Whoever starts to use a genuine method had best know,
at the beginning, that he is embarking on a course of inner-
action that will effect changes in himself. If he uses it
rightly he will get right results, but if wrongly, then wrong
results. The one is as certain as the other. To misuse a

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method is to invite injury. How then may one learn to use
it correctly?

Examine it, asking if it is right for you. If so,
study it carefully, making sure that you know what to try to
do. Then try it out in actual practice. Observe it in action,
question yourself, test and check what you do, double-check it.
Consult with others, particularly with those who have been
using the method. If, anywhere along the line you fall into
doubt about it, stop it. If after trial and correction, you
are pretty sure that it is right for you and that you know how
to do it, go ahead. Go ahead firmly and even boldly. And stick
to it, practice it daily. Do not lay it down out of discourage-
ment because the results seem so slow, so meager. Do not get
frightened or distressed because some results are quite other
than you expected. Do not abandon it because it is difficult,
and you hope to find an easier way. As real need arises, add
other methods. But guard against the temptation to roam from
one to another.

Each and all of the root-practices have been tried and
proven by countless human beings throughout the centuries. They
work. You may not be able to see why or how they do, but they
do. And so you will find it.

Can written words convey methods? Not adequately.
Writings on these matters are but suggestive. It is hoped that
the written words will evoke what cannot be written of. It is
hoped that what passes from mind to mind will release an un-
learned wisdom. No writing can possibly describe a practice

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completely, though certain essential features of it may be
indicated, and, perhaps, an outline of the whole. What is
usually done is not to convey a method but to give an idea
of it.

Oral communication, personal contact between the one
who knows the method and those who would learn it, is pre-
ferable. I am of the opinion that the spoken word is the
only really satisfactory way. Instruction from person to
person is more exact. It makes for more effective suggestion,
more vital evocation, more certain release. And, as the writ-
ten word cannot, the spoken one can relate the method to the
individual. It can make sure that there is a right start,
and correct wrong practices should these arise. Frequent
meetings between pupil and teacher is the ancient way, and
it should be the modern way too. The written word is an in-
adequate substitute. The only justification for it, other
than the fact that in our day it reaches more people, is that
we have it there in print, independent of our faulty memories,
there to refer to at any time.

Can methods be learned from the written word? Or, to
express the question more exactly, can you and I learn from
written descriptions, from the processes set going in us by
those descriptions, enough of the beginning steps of a method
to practice them correctly? It depends. It depends upon the
method. Of course it also depends upon the reader. Some
methods can be learned in this way, others cannot.

Among the methods that can be grasped from what is
written of them is the one called the practice of the presence

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of God. Thomas Kelly learned the initial steps by studying Brother Lawrence's "The Practice of the Presence of God", and his "Spiritual Maxims". From these Kelly derived an idea of what to do, the attitudes to adopt, the efforts to make. How else could he have learned the method? Certainly not from Brother Lawrence himself. Probably not entirely from within himself. (As Thomas Kelly had passed from this life, I required of Rufus Jones, one who had known him well. He confirmed the above conclusions.)

Kelly developed the practice in his own way, setting it forth in his book, "A Testament of Devotion", and in the chapter titled Prayer on his pamphlet, "Reality of the Spiritual World". From these writings still others have learned what to do. Mention should be made here of the fact that it was principally by use of this method that Thomas Kelly opened himself to that of God in him and moved into the experiences described in the "Testament".

Among the methods that cannot be learned from the written word is the one called "Self-Observation and Nonidentification". Only an idea of it may be derived from written descriptions. The idea may be useful. But experience has shown that a clear and correct conception even of the elementary steps cannot be gained from writing. You may wonder why I write of it in the next chapter: to give an idea of it.

Some means and methods call for efforts we have not made before. They involve the activation and exercise of new faculties, at any rate of faculties that are rarely used. These

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methods can be learned only by direct contact with a human
being who knows them, he in turn having learned them by direct
contact with some other human being.

Others are based on practices we occasionally engage
in. Such methods give order to and make possible the sus-
tained application of efforts hitherto made only in a hap-
hazard manner and infrequently. One may work out methods of
this class all on one's own. One may take hold of them from
the written word. But the best way to get started on these
too, is, in my judgment, through personal contact with a human
being who knows more about them.

Life itself - its everyday events, relationships,
situations - is the constant teacher. As it was our first,
so will it be our last. And we are, or should be, life's con-
stant pupils. But there are times when we require that life
work through extra-ordinary agents. All of us reach critical
stages, turning points, and need particular personal instruc-
tion. Everyone I know, including myself, are what we are and
where we are thanks in large measure to the influence of those
who in relation to us were able to act as our catalysts and
guides.

"Most persons", writes Rufus Jones, "are awakened and
set on their new track of life through the quickening and kind-
ling power of some person who becomes for them the instrument
of inspiration and of the creation of faith and the vision of
a nobler way of life. That is one of the greatest stories in
the long history of religion. Persons are set on fire by some-