1-7-2

Jeff

Oh, Mr. Hale, we've been looking for you. We've just heard
from our paper. When you and Baby go honeymooning, Bill and
I are going, too.

Bob

Oh, that's fine, I hope you boys will be very happy.

Jeff

I cover all the important honeymoons.

Bob

I see -- a first-nighter. Not by any chance a critic.

Jeff

Well, in a way.

Bob

Do me a favor -- don't say I'm adequate. I'd rather not be
mentioned at all.

Bill

Where are you going on your honeymoon?

Lob

Well, we've had a very good offer from Macy's window.

(REPORTERS exit)

(NAILS enters)

Nails

Say, have either of you seen reaches?

Anne

She's not out here.

Nails

Just when I need her I can't find her.

Bob

It's as though the earth opened up and swallowed her.

Sonny

Gee, Bob, waiting all these years for this moment, how can
you be so calm?

Nails

Well, Pinkie has cracked under the strain. He's out in
the front yard sitting on the fountain.

Sonny

I don't believe it.

1-7-3

Anne
Let's go and see.
(SONNY and ANNE exit)

Nails
Peaches! Peaches!
(BOB grabs her and kisses her)
Gee, Bob -- I've never been kissed like that before.

Bob
Something had to be done.

Nails
Well, you certainly did it. Peaches! Peaches!

Bob
Sh -- Nails -- she might hear you.

Nails
Well, why do you suppose I'm yelling. I want her to hear me.

Bob
But she mustn't hear you.

Nails
Why not?

Bob
Listen, I guess I've got to tell you. Brace yourself, darling.
Peaches is Baby!

Nails
Peaches!

Bob
Yes, I found out yesterday, but I didn't want to make you
nervous.

Nails
Gee, Bob - this is terrible -- wait a minute. How did you
find out?

Bob
I saw the waffle. I'd know it any place.

Nails
(Mad)
But how did you happen to be looking any place?

Bob
She got in my hair again and I spanked her.

Nails
Bob, if you have to marry Peaches, I'll die.

1-7-6

HOW'M I RIDIN'? (Cont'd.)

So I rate,
A-I
How'm I ridin'? I'm ridin' high.

(At the conclusion of the Number the SENATORS enter one side and BOB the other)

Malvinsky
Mr. Hale, we have to talk to you immediately.

Bob
What can I do for you, gentlemen?

Musilovitch
Pinkie has just told us what is the mark of identification.

Yes.

Malvinsky
Mr. Hale, does this mean the United States Government has been looking for a girl with a waffle on her sitz platz?

Bob
That's about the size of it.

Musilovitch
What's about the size of it?

Bob
Oh, just the standard size.

Malvinsky
And you're going to marry this girl?

Bob
I'm afraid I'll have to -

(MAILS enters)

Nails
Good evening, gentlemen, I'm afraid you'll have to withdraw. We're about to start the examination of the candidates.

Malvinsky
Mrs. Duquesne, in the name of the Government we demand to be present for this examination. We've got to keep an eye on this.

Nails
I'm afraid we can't permit that, Senator.

1-7-7

Malvinsky

In that case, Mrs. Duquesne, I must exercise my prerogative.

Nails

You go right ahead --- by that time the contest may be over.

(GIRLS and BOYS drift on)

Bob

Nails, they know what the mark is. I think they ought to stay. Then there can't be any question later.

Nails

If it's all right with you -- it's all right with me. Let everybody stay.

Del Grasso

Where does the unveiling take place?

Nails

Right here.

Bob

The candidates come out of the house and walk through some X-ray lights.

Del Grasso

What do the candidates have on?

Bob

Every eye in the place.

Nails

Fingers, tell Pinkle we're ready for the candidates, and turn on the lights.

Fingers

The dames, Pinkle.

(PINGS exits. PINKLE enters, takes cocktail from Fingers' tray before Fingers exits)

Pinkle

Folks, a toast to the Candidates. Bottoms up. Am I anticipating! Am I anticipating! (Lights start to dim)

Nails

Oh, Bob, I don't know whether I'll have the courage to look.

Bob

Well, I'll be brave dear, I'll look for both of us. (Parade begins)

1-7-9

(PEACHES enters)

Peaches

Say, I've been looking for you guys. There's been some dirty
work around here.

Malvinsky

What do you mean?

Peaches

I wanted to get into this contest and somebody hit me on the
head and threw me into the cellar.

O'Shaughnessy

You mean you're a candidate for Baby?

Nails

Why, that's ridiculous!

She's only my Maid.

Bob

Why, it's preposterous!

Peaches

Certainly I'm a Candidate. I was born on Riverside Drive
and I can prove it.

Musilovitch

Can you prove you sat down on a waffle iron?

Peaches

Oh, a bunch of wise guys, eh?

Musilovitch

What do you mean?

Peaches

Kidding about a thing like that. You don't know what that
can do to a girl. Carrying a mark like that through life
ain't fun. It can queer you with every man you meet. You
get a fellow feeling serious about you and then what happens.
From then on every time he sees you he has to laugh.

Malvinsky

What are you talking about?

Peaches

You know what I'm talking about. Somebody tipped you off
about me.

(The SENATORS look at each other)

Musilovitch

No, no. That's the mark of identification.