NOTE:

In my talk with Mr. Hammerstein, he called my attention
particularly to the Preface of the printed text. I am
quoting a few excerpts from it below... excerpts I bore
particularly in mind in working on the adaptation.

"There is nothing eccentric about Joe or his family or
the town he is born, in. He grows up to the accompaniment
of the usual sorrows, failures and successes. The girl
he marries is a materialist, clever and strong-willed.
She is the tragic flaw in Joe's life and the source of his
dramatic crisis."

"There is no high drama or broad comedy to lean on.
Complete dependence must be placed on one's effort to
interest an audience in a group of characters...and
interest them to such a degree that they will care about
the smallest things that happen to them...everday things,
untheatrical things."

"...a documentary with music."...

"It has been said that I wrote a radio script, a kind of
soap opera, filled with trite characters and situations.
This is entirely true. A story like this must, of its
very nature, be buildt of familiar material."

-1-

## ACT ONE

MUSIC: THEN UNDER.....

### NARRATOR

(AN OLDER MAN...QUIET, PHILOSOPHICAL, MUCH LIKE THE NARRATOR IN "OUR TOWN")

This is the story of a boy from our town... a boy name of Joseph Taylor Junior. Nothing very remarkable about Joe... that is, nothing more remarkable than there is about any of us... But I liked Joe. I liked the way he handled himself when he came up against it... when he came up against the same sort of thing that can happen to any of us, Joe was born to Doctor and Mrs. Taylor on a lovely Spring morning in 1905...

### CHORUS (SINGS)

The Lady in bed is Marjorie Taylor,
Doctor Joseph Taylor's wife...

### SOPRANO

Except for the day when she married Joe,

### CHORUS

This is the happiest day of her life...

MUSIC: OUT...

MARJORIE (STARTS ON LAST WORD OF SINGING)

Where've you been, Joe?

### TAYLOR

Making the rounds, dear. You were asleep when I left. How do you feel?

### MARJORIE

Fell like jumping out of bed and dancing.

-2-

TAYLOR

Well don't. How's old skeeziks?

MARJORIE

Old Skeeziks is asleep...

GRANDMA (OFF)

Joe...(COMING ON) Joe, you in there?

TAYLOR

Here I am, mother. In with Marjorie.

GRANDMA

Ned Brinker just drove up in his buckboard. He says Jennie
has started and you better go right over there with him.

TAYLOR

Is everybody going to have their babies today.

MARJORIE

You better hurry, dear.

TAYLOR

This twon needs about ten more doctors. I wish old skeeziks
would hurry and grow up so's he could help me.

MARJORIE

What makes you think he's going to be a doctor?

TAYLOR

I dunno. He..he looks like a doctor. (FADING) Well, I'll be
back soon. Mother, see that Marjorie gets some rest.

GRANDMA

I'll take the young man into his crib.....Ooops, did you hear
that?

MARJORIE

What?

-3-

GRANDMA

He brought up a bubble.

MARJORIE

Isn't he clever?

GRANDMA

That's grandma's good boy.

MARJORIE

Mother Taylor?

GRANDMA

What, Majorie?

MARJORIE

Do you think he'll ever get to look any better?

GRANDMA

Sure he will. He'll look younger when he's older. I'll take
him along to his crib now.

MARJORIE (FADING)

All right...I think I'll nap a little.

(MUSIC: START INTRO FOR HER SONG...SOMEWHERE IN MIDDLE OF
SPEECH...

GRANDMA (SPEAKING TO A BABY)

You don't look any worse than your father did when he was a
baby. Maybe you will grow up to be a doctor like him. But
looking at you now, it doesn't seem possible.

(SINGS)

Starting out, so foolishly small,
It's hard to believe you will grow at all.
It's hard to believe that things like you
Can ever turn out to be men,

(MORE)

-4-

## GRANDMA (CONTINUED)

But I've seen it happen before,
So I know it can happen again.

(MUSIC: CONTINUE THIS SOFTLY UNDER... UNTIL INDICATED...)

## MARRATOR

Like all babies, Joe was the center of an admiring and confusing bunch of grown-ups. But like all babies he survived the kind and well meaning attentions of his elders....

## WOMAN IN CHORUS

Pretty baby. Open your eyes and say goo-goo.

## MAN IN CHORUS

Nice baby. Close your eyes and go to sleep.

## WOMAN IN CHORUS

Mamma'a precious.

## MAN IN CHORUS

Papa's boy. Wanta play with the rattle?

## WOMAN IN CHORUS

Coochie, coochie (FADING) coochie, coochie, coochie....

## NARRATOR (COMING IN OVER)

And then one morning, Joe decided that he's had enough of this crawling around on all fours...and he stood up...all by himself.

(MUSIC: OUT ABUPTLY...)

## GRANDMA

Marjorie...Marjorie....Look! He's standing up.

## MARJORIE (COMING ON)

What? What's that? Joe's.....?

## GRANDMA (SEMI WHISPER)

He's standing up. Look.

-5-

## MARJORIE

Oh, he fell.

## GRANDMA

No, Marjorie. Stay here. Let him try to get up by himself.

## MARJORIE

Come on, Joey... Try again.

## GRANDMA

That's grandma's good boy. Come on...

## MARJORIE

He's going to fall. He's--

## GRANDMA

---No. Look. He was almost falling, but he put one foot out to save himself.

## MARJORIE (FULL OF THE WONDER OF IT)

And he didn't fall... He... He...

## GRANDMA

He took a step!

## CHORUS (BEGIN IN B.G.)

One foot, other foot

One foot, other foot...(CONTINUE UNDER)

## GRANDMA

Look at him. He took another...

## CHORUS (B SECTION)

(KEEP THIS UP THROUGHOUT LIKE A BASS)

One foot, other foot

One foot, other foot..

## CHORUS (A SECTION)

Now you can go
Wherever you want
Wherever you want to go

-6-

## CHORUS (A SECTION)

One foot out
And the other foot out
One foot out
And the other foot out,
One foot out,
And the other foot out,
And the world belongs to you...

(MUSIC: AFTER FINISH OF SONG.....MUSIC UNDER NARRATION.)

## NARRATOR

And so Joe learned that going forward was easier than standing still. And he went forward, step by step, until all of a sudden, as his Grandma used to say, he was a man...That is, he was enough of a man to be packing his bags and going away to college. The night before he left, Joe heard his mother and father talking on the side porch.....

(MUSIC OUT)

(SOUND: NIGHT SOUNDS....)

## TAYLOR

Don't look so mopey, Marjorie. The boy isn't going away forever.

## MARJORIE

You're not his mother.

## TAYLOR

That's the most unnecessary statement you've made this year.

-7-

MARJORIE

You know very well what I mean. When he comes back for the
Christmas holidays, he'll be a different boy. I won't know
him.

TAYLOR

I'll point him out to you.

MARJORIE

I had a feeling, all the time I was getting his things ready,
sewing his name in his shirts, helping him pack...This is the
end of me. My job is over.....You look kind of mopey
yourself.

TAYLOR

I had another tough day. A lot of patients...and then a
couple of hours working on the hospital fund.

MARJORIE

How are you coming on it?

TAYLOR

It's hard raising money when people can give you only five
and ten dollar gifts. Some of 'em give fifty cents.

MARJORIE

You'll have your hospital some day, Joe. I just know it.

TAYLOR (SMILING)

You've got one of your feelings about it?

MARJORIE

Yes, I have a feeling.

TAYLOR

I hope Joe marries a girl who gets feelings about things. Do
you suppose he'll marry Jenny Brinker?

-8-

MARJORIE

It's hard to say. He'll be meeting a lot of new girls at college.

TAYLOR

It's only dumb luck when a boy pricks the right girl, the way I did.

MARJORIE

You say that to make me feel good.

TAYLOR

Well, doesn't it?

MARJORIE (LAUGHING)

Fool.

TAYLOR (SINGING)

A fellow needs a girl
To sit by his side
At the end of a weary day,
To sit by his side
And listen to him talk
And agree with the things he'll say...

MARJORIE

My fellow needs a girl
To hold in his arms,
When the rest of his world goes wrong,
To hold in his arms
And know that she believes
That her fellow is wise and strong,

-10-

JOE (SINGS)

It's a darn nice campus,
I'm going to like it fine,
Darn cute co-eds,
They have a snappy line.
Darn nice fellers,
Though I've only met a few....
It's a darn nice campus,
And I'm lonely for you......

MUSIC: KEEP THE MUSIC GOING UNDER......)

NARRATOR

But this picture changed quite suddenly, and Joe got his first
taste of how pleasant it can be to know and be known by the
right people, when one day in the campus he was stopped by the
Freshman football here, Charlie Townsend....

(MUSIC: OUT....)

CHARLIE

Your name's Joe Taylor, isn't it?

JOE (STUNNED)

Why...uh...yes.

CHARLIE

I'm Charlie Taylor. We seem to be taking the same courses.
Pre-medical?

JOE (PLEASED)

Yes. Are you?

CHARLIE

 Yep. Don't know why exactly. I got an uncle in Chicago who
juggles pills. Says he'll take me in with him if I'm any good.
Bigby Dancy, ever hear of him?

-12-

NARRATOR

From then on his girl, Jenny Brinker, had pleasanter letters
from Joe to read to her friend Hazel.

JENNY (SINGS)

It's a darn nice campus,
With ivy on the walls,
Friendly maples
Outside the lecture halls.
I like my room-mate,
And you would like him too....
It's a damned nice campus,
But I'm lonely for you.

(MUSIC: OUT...)

HAZEL

That's beautiful, Jenny. Honest, Joe Taylor writes such
beautiful letters.

JENNY

It is nice, isn't it You'd think he was going to be a
poet and not a doctor.

HAZEL

Jenny, don't you ever worry about you and Joe having to wait
so long? You know, three years in medical school, then
interning and all.

-13-

JENNY

'Course I worry. And Popper's always telling me I'm a fool
to even think of marrying a doctor.

HAZEL

Why does he have to be a doctor?

JENNY

Because his mother wants him to be. Her father was a doctor
and her husband is a doctor, and if her darling son Joey
isn't a doctor, this whole town will get sick and die.

HAZEL

Gosh, I don't envy you. With his mother against you, there
isn't much you can do.

JENNY (WISELY)

Oh, I wouldn't say that, Hazel. There might be a lot I can
do. Might take a little time, but I think there's a lot I
can do.....

(MUSIC: BRIDGE...THEN UNDER....)

-14-

NARRATOR

And so, in not very subtle ways, that were none the less disturbing to Joe, Jennie began to do what she could do... Her letters to Joe began to rad something like this....

JENNIE

Remember Hazel Skinner.... She was over to see me today, and I bet your ears burned... Hazel is going to marry a man named Bobby Martin. He is only one year older than you, but he is making lots of money selling automobiles.... His family wanted him to be a lawyer, but he says the troulbe with the professions sis that you sutdy years and you're an old man before you make any money... I guess that's all the news..... Fondly... Jennie...

MUSIC: UP A MOMENT... THEN UNDER...

NARRATOR

When Joe was a senior in college, Mr. Brinker took a serious step.... the kind of step fathers used to take to keep their daughters from marrying the wrong boy... he took her to Europe.... and Jennie kept up her series of disturbing letters..

JENNIE

Dear Joe... I met a charming boy named Bertram Woolhave. His father is in the cola and lumber business too.

MUSIC: UP FOR A BEAT THEN UNDER....

JENNIE

Bertram is teaching me how to swim...

MUSIC: UP THEN UNDER...

JENNIE

Bertram is teaching me how to tango.

MUSIC: UP... HIGHER THAN BEFORE... THEN UNDER...

-15

NARRATOR

And then suddenly it was all over....Bertram left the
picture as quickly as he head entered it...And Jennie was
coming home....An then, on a lovely evening in August...
she was home.

MUSIC: OUT

JENNIE
Hello, Joe

JOE
There is never a day when
about you all the time.
CHORUS
EMOTION COMING INTO HIS VOICE

JENNIE
You look different, Joe.

JOE
You look different too.

JENNIE
Older?

JOE
Prettier.

JENNIE
Want to sit down, in the hammock?

JOE
Yes I would..Nice night.

JENNIE
It's just the kind of night I hoped it would be.

JOE
Did you? Did you think much about tonight...too?

JENNIE
Did you?

MUSIC: BEGINS IN B.G. VERY SIMPLY..

-16-

## CHORUS (SOFT IN B.G.)

You never away from your home in my heart....

JOE

I always think of you....quite a lot.

CHORUS

There is never a day when you...

JOE

There is never a day when you....(EMOTION COMING INTO HIS VOICE)
Jennie, I think about you all the time.

JENNIE

Do you, Joe?

JOE

Every minute.

JENNIE

Oh, Joe.

JOE (SINGS...SOFTLY)

You are never away,
From your home in my hear.
There is never a day
When you don't play a part.

In a world that I say,
Or a sight that I see

You are never away

And I'll never be free...

You're the smile on my face,
Or a song that I sing,
You're a rainbow I chase
Or a morning in spring;
You're a start in the lace

Of a wild, willow three...

In the green, leafy lace,
of a wild willow tree....

CHORUS
(HUMS UNDERNEATHE SINGING)

-17-

JOE (CONT'D)

But tonight you're no star;
Nor a song that I sing;
In my arms, where you are,
You are sweeter than spring;
In my arms where you are,
Clinging closely to me,
You are loverlier, by far
Than I dreamed you could be,
You are lovelier, my darling
Than I dreamed you could be...

JOE (AS CHORUS FINISHES HUMMING...)

I love you, Jennie.

JENNIE

I love you, Joe...

MUSIC: OUT....

JENNIE

Going to medicat school next year?

JOE

Yes, I've been working a lot with Dad this summer. It's
exciting watching sick people get better. Then you know it's
about the best thing a man can be... is a doctor.

JENNIE

Yes, I suppose so, but... well...

JOE

Oh, I know what you mean. Well, I'm not going to wait till
I get out of medical school. We're going to get married sooner
that that... I guess I better speak to your father. Do you
think he likes me?

-18-

JENNIE

He likes you a lot... But he might speak to you about going in with him in the coal and lumber business.

JOE

You mean instead of being a doctor?

JENNIE

Well... he'll tell you how rich you could be in a few years and...

JOE

I know, but---

JENNIE (REALIZING IT IS TOO SOON TO PULL THIS)

---But whatever happens, Joe, It's got to be you who decides.

I'd never influence you one way or the other. You make up your own mind, darling.

MUSIC: THEN UNDER...

NARRATOR

And Joe did make up his mind... He went to medical school...

And Jennie waited for him, and made new plans for him... plans with
she subtly mentioned to Mrs. Taylor every now and again...

MUSIC: OUT...

MARJORIE

What did you mean by that, Jennie?

JENNIE

By what, Mrs. Taylor?

MARJORIE

About Joe being too ambitious to be a small town doctor. Has
Joe said anything about that?

JENNIE

No. It's just that my father thinks, well, he thinks its awful
for Joe and me to have to struggle along for years like...like
you and Doctor Taylor.

-19-

## MARJORIE

And do you agree with him, Jennie?

### JENNIE

Well, it seems a shame with a wonderful business like Pop's.
He has no son, and he says he could teach it to Joe in a couple
of years. Pop think Joe is smart.

### MARJORIE

So do I, Jennie. Joe's good at anything he likes to do. Joe's
good at medicine, Jennie. His father says he's a born doctor.

### JENNIE

I don't think anybody's a born anything, do you, Mrs. Taylor?

### MARJORIE

Perhaps not. But when you've watched a boy grow up, you know a
lot about what...what's inside him. I don't think Joe would
be happy selling coal and lumber.

### JENNIE

Well, I don't think I'd be happy as the wife of a starving
doctor. I've got things inside of me too.

### MARJORIE

I know you have, Jennie, but....Jennie, what would you do if
Joe refused to give up medicine?

### JENNIE

I'd see to it that he became a real doctor.

### MARJORIE

Well....Good!

### JENNIE

A very rich one.

### MARJORIE

Oh.

-20-

JENNIE

We'd go to some big city or someplace. I'd help him get to be
the richest doctor in town.

MARJORIE

Jennie, aren't you confusing success with wealth? Some
successful men are wealthy. Some are not. I think my husband
is a very successful man. He's doing work he likes for people
he likes....and he's got the kind of home he needs.

JENNIE

I've got a slightly different definition of success, Mrs.
Taylor.

MARJORIE

Yes, I'm afraid so.

JENNIE

You think I'm the wrong kind of wife for Joe, don't you?
(PAUSE) Have you told him that?

MARJORIE

I haven't said a word to Joe about this. This is between you
and me.

JENNIE

Like all mothers, you just want him to do what you want him to
do.

MARJORIE

That's not true. I want him to do what he'll be happy at. I
don't want him to be forced to live by someone else's false
ideas of success.

JENNIE

You don't like me, and you never did...and I always knew it.
But I feel better now that war's declared.

-22-

## CHORUS (CONT'D)

They have faith in the future
And joey in their hearts,
If you look in their eyes
You can tell...
How brave and happy
And hopeful are they.
Wish them well, wish them well,
Wish them well, wish them well, wish them well....

SOUND: AS THE MUSIC SWELLS DURING THE LAST PART OF THE CHORUS...

BRING IN CHURCH BELLS RINGING OUT LOUDLY....

MUSIC AND SOUND BLEND FOR FINISH OF THE ACT....

END OF ACT ONE

-23-

ACT TWO

MUSIC: PICK UP THE "WISH THEM WELL" MUSIC FROM END OF ACT
ONE...WITH CHORUS...IN E.G....AND FADING OUT...AS
NARRATION STARTS.

NARRATOR

Yes, we were all there in the church to wish Joe and Jennie
well...that was in 1928.. I don't know if departed souls know
what's going on in this world, but if they do, I'm sure Joe's
mother, Marjorie, must have felt sort of sick at heart when
Jennie finally got her Joe...If she wasn't upset, she should
have been....Well, the second year of Joe's practice, was the
first year of the depression...I lost my hardware store, Jennie's
father lost his coal and lumber business...But Joe's practice
went along pretty well...and this, of course, pleased Jennie...
MUSIC: OUT...

HAZEL (OFF)

Hey, Jennie, what are you doing?

JENNIE

Hi, Hazel, I'm hanging out my wash. What's the matter?

HAZEL

I wanted you to look at the chinchilla coat.

JENNIE

You got a chinchilla coat in these times. Come on over and show
it to me.

HAZEL (COMING ON)

No...In the magazine. A picture of one...Look...In Vogue.

JENNIE

Let's see...Mmm. To think some girls actually get things like
this.

-24-

HAZEL

And they're the kind who don't do any housework.

JENNY

Look On the opposite page...an Article.

HAZEL

Let's see..."Money Isn't Everything."...

JENNY

I don't want everything. I'll just take money.

MUSIC: INTRODUCTION FOR MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING...START BACK AT
APPROPRIATE PLACE...)

HAZEL

Listen to what it says....

(SINGS)

Money isn't everything,
What can money buy?

CHORUS OF GIRLS

An automobile so you won't get wet,
Champagne so you won't get dry.

JENNIE

Money isn't everything
What have rich folks got?

CHORUS OF GIRLS

A Florida home so you won't get cold,
A yacht so you won't get hot.

HAZEL

An orchid or two
So you won't fell blue,
If you have to go out at night...

-25-

JENNIE

And maybe a jar
Of Caviar

So your appetite won't be light.

HAZEL

Oil tycoon and cattle king,
Radio troubadour...

Belittle the fun that their fortunes bring,
And tell you that they are sure...

Money isn't everything.

CHORUS OF GIRLS

Money isn't everything,
Money isn't everything.

JENNIE

Unless you're very poor.

HAZEL

Can money make you honest, can it teach you right from wrong?
Can money keep you healthy? Can it make your muscles strong?

JENNIE

Can money make your eyes red, the way they get from sewing?
Can money make your back get sore, the way it gets from mowisng?

HAZEL

Can money make your hands get rough, as washing dishes does?

JENNIE

Can money make you smell the way that cooking fishes does?

HAZEL

It buys you gems and fancy clothes and juicy steaks to carve,
But it cannot build your character

-26-

JENNY

Or teach yoo how to starve.

HAZEL

Money isn't everything.

If you're rich you pay...

CHORUS OF GIRLS

Elizabeth Arden to do your face

The night you attend the play.

JENNY AND HAZEL

Felling like the bloom of spring.

Down the aisle you float.

A Tiffany ring and a Cartier string,

of pearls to adorn your throat.

Your carnegie dress

Will be more or less

Of a handkerchief round your hip,

Sewed on to you so

That your slip won't show,

JENNY

And whatever you show won't slip.

CHORUS OF GIRLS

To your creamy shoulders cling

Ermines white as snow.

Then on to cafes where they sway and swing,

You go with your wealthy beau.

There you'll hear a crooner sings,

Money isn't everything...

-27-

## CHORUS OF GIRLS (CONT)

Money isn't everything

As long...as...you...have...dough!

MUSIC: FINISH SONG...THEN UNDER....

### NARRATOR

In the Spring of that year, Joe went up to his Class Reunion... and there he met again his old room-mate, Charlie Townsend, and Charlie's unclue, Doctor Digby Benby, under whom he has served his internship in Chicago...

(SOUND: CHATTER OF REUNION VOICES IN B.G...)

### CHARLIE (COMING OUT OF LAUGHING)

The...the time I'll never forget, Joe, was in college when you were mad at Jennie, and I lined you up with that dumb---

### DENBY

---Now, Charlie, you'll have the rest of the week-end to reminisce with Joe here. I've got something important I want to talk over with him...First, can I order you another drink, Joe?

### JOE

Thank you I---

### CHARLIE (SLIGHTLY DRUNK)

Watch out, Joe, he wants to oil you up before he lures you to the big city to be a hand-holding doctor for all our uppercrust hypochondriacs. Waiter, another drink.

### DENBY

I think you've had enough, Charlie...What Charlie never seems to get through his head is that medicine is not just emergency operations on starving workmen. The rich get sick too, and if you're going to be a doctor to the rich, you have to play their

-28-

game.

## CHARLIE

And what a game.

## DENFY

You can't be a detached scientist in a shell. You've got to live among the people you serve. You don't seem to mind spending their money, Charlie.

## CHARLIE

Of course I don't. But I don't try to fool myself into thinking I'm doing great things in medicine, the way you do. I admit I'm a diletante among diletantes...I can inject Vitamin B into the flanks of tired night-clubbers as well as the next guy, and I can recommend long rests in Palm Springs...and I've got the good sense to know that when something's really wrong with my patient, I can send him to some doctor who isn't so busy to play the game, he's forgotten all the medicine he ever knew...

## DENBY

I wish you wouldn't have any more to drink, Charlie. It's not becoming in a physician...Now, Joe, if you'll try to forget everything Charlie's said...I'd like you to consider coming in with me in my practice and in the hospital with me in Chicago...

MUSIC: BRIDGE...THEN UNDER...

## NARRATOR

When Joe came home and told Jennie what his answer had been, she wouldn't believe him.

MUSIC: OUT...

## JENNIE

This isn't true, J e. You're trying to be funny.

-29-

JOE

No, I'm not. Charlie's uncle came to the reunion especially to talk to me.

JENNY

And you turned him down?

JOE

Yes... Honey, it's not exactly the kind of practice I want... it's hard to explain to you... and... and I don't want to walk out on my father here. I'm just beginning to be some help to him.

JENNY (STARTS TO SNIFFLE)

JOE

There's nothing to cry about... Come on, Jenny. Don't cry...
What's the matter?

JENNY

I was only thinking, how wonderful it would be to have a beautiful house in Chicago, and servants and lovely dresses to wear so I could look pretty for you when you came home at night.

JOE

I know how tough it's been for you, Jenny. I wish I could explain to you just how I feel about this Chicago thing... It's ... I don't know.

JENNY

Don't worry about it, darling. You're a better judge of what you can do than I am.

JOE

What do you mean?

JENNY

Well, I supposed you're worried about whether you could handle a big city practice, with important patients like Brook...

-31-

Lansdale...

JOE

I could handle it all right. Why do you suppose they want me?

JENNY

Well, I... Goodness, I think you're the best doctor in the world.
It only looked to me as if you might be afraid to handle...

JOE

Afraid? Of course not. I... I just feel... if I did want to go,
I don't know how I could ever break it to Dad.

JENNIE

You know when you told me this, I thought of a million things
at once. First thing I thought of was we'd soon be so rich you
could give your father that old twenty thousand dollars he
needs to complete the hospital.

JOE (THINKING ABOUT IT);

That's an idea.

JENNY (COZYING UP TO HIM)

Know what else I was thinking? I was thinking now at least we
could afford something... something I've wanted ever since we
were married. He'd be... or she'd be... the most important thing
in my life... Next to you.

MUSIC: BRIDGE...THEN UNDER...

NARRATOR

Joe went to Chicago... He went because Jenny wanted him to go,
though he told himself it was for other reasons. He told
himself that once he got to Chicago, he could chuck Dr. Denby
and the silly sycophants he treated, and set up for himself.
But he couldn't...

-31-

MUSIC AND CHORUS...START "YATATA YATATA" IN BACKGROUND AND BRING CLOSER AS WE GO ALONG...)

And within two years he found himself less and less a doctor and more and more a politician, a promoter, a rumba dancer, a cocktail party raconteur, a wet nurse for spoiled adults, who gathered every afternoon at five to exchange the days gossip...

MUSIC AND CHORUS: BRING YATATA YATATA INTO CLEAR FOR A FEW MOMENTS THEN FADE UNDER....

NARRATOR

Then one evening, Doctor Joe's nurse came to his duplex apartment during one of these parties and asked the butler if she could see the doctor in private...

MUSIC: OUT...

EMILY

I'm sorry to take you away from your party, Doctor, But-

JOE

--It's all right, Emily. I brought along a drink for you. Here.

EMILY

Thanks. I don't feel like one just now.

JOE

Well, all right....What have you got there?

EMILY

X-Ray films. Gilbert Martin's.

JOE

But I've already looked at them, Emily. I told you to phone him and tell him there was nothing to worry about.

EMILY

Perhaps you'd like to take another look at them, Doctor.

-32-

JOE

What do you mean? Think the agening doctor's eyes are going
back on him. Let's see.

EMILY

You were in such a hurry to leave this afternoon. Don't blame
you, of course, when you're giving a party for Brook Lansdale
and the hospital trustees, but......see what I mean about the
X-ray?

JENNY (OFF)

Joe...Joe? (COMING ON) Oh, Joe, here you are. Hello, Emily?

EMILY

Hello, Mrs. Taylor.

JENNY

Joe, you must come up. Mrs. Lansdale is about to leave and she
wants to talk to you. Mrs. Brook Lansdale.

JOE

I know. Twenty million dollars and she can't sleep.

JENNY

She wants to talk to you, Joe, about donating three hundred
thousand dollars towards our new private pavilion. I guess
that's about as important to you as anything else can be right
now, isn't it, Joe?

JOE

I'll go right up to her.

EMILY

Doctor, shall I phone Mr. Martin and tell him his stomajch is
just fine and dandy?

-33-

JOE

Er...No. Wait until the morning. I'd like to look at it in the office. I don't trust this light.

JENNY

Joe, Please. Mrs. Lansdale!

JOE (GOING OFF)

All right, all right. I'm going.

JENNY

The trouble with Joe is he's inclined to give too much time to the little things and not enough to the things that count.

EMILY

Oh, I think he's learning, Mrs. Taylor. He's learning fast.

JENNY (FADING)

Well, if you'll excuse me, Emily....I'm sure you can find your way out..Good night...

EMILY

Good night...

MUSIC: START INTRO FOR "GENTLEMEN IS A DOPE..."

EMILY

The boss gets on my nerves
I've got a good mind to quit.
I've taken all I can.
It's time to get up and git,
And move to another job,
Or maybe another town.
The gentleman burns me up.
The gentleman gets me down.

-35-

EMILY (CONT)

The gentleman doesn't know
How happy he could be..

Look at me crying my eyes out,
As if he belonged to me...
He'll never belong to me.

MUSIC: UP FOR FINISH....THEN INTO SHORT BRIDGE...

JOE

You sent for me, Doctor Denby?

DENBY

Oh, yes, Doctor Taylor... Come in and sit down. Two things... First about yourself. I am very pleased with you, Joseph. Not only because of your work here at the office, but at the hospital... You... well, you have won the regard of Brook Lansdale, and the approval of our....our biggest trustee is even more important than my approval... hmm?

JOE

Well, Doctor Denby, I--

DENBY

--Now, I come to my second topic. Charlie, my nephew, in this recent... uh... rebellion at the hospital... the nurses demanding eight hour duty... he actually took their side. You don't think he's been drinking too much, do you?

JOE

Well, no. As a matter of fact, Doctor Denby--
(SOUND: TELEPHONE RINGS...)

DENBY

Excuse me... Hello.... Mr. Tubb? Chairman of what committee?

36

DENBY (CONT)

(BORED) Yes, I know it's the worst slum in the city. Quite
right, Mr. Tubb. A cesspool...a disease hatchery. I agree.
No, I will not go to the Mayor...No, Mr. Tubb, our policy at
the hospital is to keep out of politics. (SUDDENLY INFURIATED)
And I say to you---What?...You...You.

(SOUND: RECEIVER BANGED DOWN...)

Do you know what that man called me? An old vitamin pot!...
This fellow, do you know what else he called me?...

(SOUND: DOOR OPENS...)

DENBY

Charlie, come in here...There was a fellow, just on the phone
and do you know what he called me?

CHARLIE

Yes. A mechanical bottom jabber.

DENBY

Was that you on the phone just now?

CHARLIE

Just my little joke for the day, Uncle.

DENBY

Joke. Is that all you have to do? Because if it is, we can
get along without you. We want doctors here, not jokers...

EMILY (ON SQUAWK BOX)’

Dr. Denby, Mr. Lansdale is on his way in,...

DENBY

Lansdale...All right, now, Charlie...I don't want---

LANSDALE (COMING ON)

It's all right. I'll go right in...He doesn't mind...

-37-

(SOUND: DOOR OPENS...)

DENBY

Why, Brook! This is an unexpected pleasure. We were just---

LANSDALE (GRUFF AND DECISIVE)

I'm catching a train, Digby...Hello, Charlie, Joe.

JOE

Mr. Lansdale.

LANSDALE

Sorry to break in on you, but this couldn't wait. It's about
the trouble we've been having with the nurses.

DENBY

But I squelched that, old boy. They're continuing on the old
basis of twelve hour duty.

LANSDALE (IMPATIENTLY)

I know that!

DENBY (FLUSTERED)

Oh, I'm sorry. But what...I mean-

LANSDALE

---I've got the name of the agitator who started the whole
thing. I want to get rid of this woman.

DENBY

Well, naturally. We'll have to make an example of her.

LANSDALE

Name of the woman is Carrie Middleton.

DENBY (STUNNED)

Carrie?

JOE

Old Carrie Middleton on the Fifth Floor, Mr. Lansdale?

-38-

## LANSDALE

That's the one. Been with us for thirty years and then turns traitor. Take her name off the registry I want her out of the hospital when I get back here. That'll be the day after tomorrow...Well, good'day, gentlemen.

(SOUND: DOOR CLOSES SHARPLY)

## CHARLIE

Well, uncle?

(A PAUSE)

## DENBY (ON PHONE)

Hello, Miss West...will you come in here a moment?

## CHARLIE

I seem to remember an old photograph at home. You and Carrie Middleton at the Chicago World's Fair, when she was a student nurse...

(SOUND: DOOR OPENS...)

## EMILY

You wanted me, Doctor Denby?

## DENBY

Call up the Nurse's Registry and have them strike off the name of Carrie Middleton.

## EMILY

But, Doctor---

## JOE

Don't you think this is pretty hard on her, Doctor Denby? It isn't any crime to---

## DENBY

My boy, there's such a thing as discipline...loyalty. We must do many things we don't want to do. Duty...We must be good

-39-

DENBY (CONT)

soldiers! (FADING) I have a luncheon appointment, Miss West,
I'll be back about four...

(SOUND: DOOR CLOSES...)

CHARLIE

Look you two, you don't need to give me the fishy stare. He's
only my uncle by marriage.

JOE

I wonder if Carrie would go down and help my father out. He's
up to his neck in a flu epidemic.

CHARLIE

Good idea. But don't tell Lansdale. Mustn't be friendly with
anybody he doesn't like. My uncle <u>never</u> is. That's why he's
physician-in-chief at the hospital.

JOE

I'm sick of Lansdale. He can go--

CHARLIE (IMITATING HIS UNCLE):

Tut, tut, my boy. There are many things that one would like
to do that one does not. Duty.

MUSIC: A CHORD ON PIANO

EMILY

You must be good soldiers.

MUSIC: ANOTHER CHORD

CHARLIE

This is a big-time medical practice, Joe.

JOE (BITTERLY)

Sure...Through the portals of this office pass the biggest
screwballs in town...and I'm sick of it.

-41-

of counterpoint...

EMILY

of

The need of it?

CHARLIE

We cannot prove the need of it.
We know no other way
Of living out a day,
Our music must be gallopping and gay!

JOE

We muffle all the undertones,
The minor blood and thunder tones,
The overtones are all we care to play.

ALL THREE

Hysterically frantic
We are stubbornly romantic
And doggedly determined to be gay!

EMILY

Brisk, lively,
Merry and bright!
Allegro!
Same tempo
Morning and night!
Allegro!
Don't stop whatever you do,
Do something dizzy and new,
Keep up the hullabaloo!

ACT THREE

-44-

MUSIC: OPENING MUSIC...THEN OUT...

(SOUND: DOOR OPENS...

EMILY

Morning, Doctor Taylor.

Joe

'Morning, Emily. Anybody waiting?

EMILY

The Zoo is packed...You look kind of low today, boss.

JOE

I am. I just had a letter from a boy who used to be a patient of mine. He was going to study for the priesthood at one time. It was a sad, hopeless little letter.

EMILY

The T.B. case back home. You told me about him.

JOE

I guess I feel guilty about him. I can't get rid of the feeling that if I'd spent the last five years on one boy like Vincent I'd have done the world more good than I could ever do in a lifetime her3.

EMILY

Getting sour on rich city people?

JOE

No, why should I? There's nothing wrong with people just because they have money or live in the city...Certainly nothing wrong with being a city doctor...But this crowd that we get... Who's out there now?

EMILY

Well, Mrs. Lansdale's just arrived and --

-45-

(SOUND: DOOR OPENS)

MRS. LANSDALE (COMING ON)

I knew you must be in by now.

JOE

Mrs. Lansdale, I --

MRS. LANSDALE

Nurse, why didn't you tell me he was in here?

EMILY

He asked me to --

MRS. LANSDALE

-What I've got to say won't take long. The other night I was just dozing off about two in the morning when the phone rang. It was my husband to say that he'd be home late. It then occurred to me that most nights I lie away wondering when and if he is coming home.

JOE

He works too hard...He...

MRS. LANSDALE

So I put a detective on him...It seems that my husband has got himself a girl...Here's a carbon copy of the report.

JOE

Mrs. Lansdale, this is a private matter that --

MRS. LANSDALE

--Oh, I don't care if the nurse hears. The papers'll have it tomorrow when I fly to Nevada.

JOE

Well, is there anything you want me to do? Want anything to quiet your nerves...

-46-

MRS. LANSDALE

No. I want to enjoy this ... You might read that detective's
report when you get time. It'll give you quite a kick.
(FADING) Good afternoon.

(SOUND: DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES...OFF)

JOE

Emily, isn't there anyone in that waiting room with a broken
arm or a gallstone? Is there anybody out there worth a
doctor's time and knowledge? Can't you scare us up a ruptured
appendix or a pair of infected tonsils? What kind of practice
is this anyhow...I've got to spend my time reading reports of
private detectives who spy on wives and husbands...(HIS VOICE
DROPS OFF DURING THE LAST OF THIS AS HE STARTS TO READ REPORT.
BECOMES INTERESTED IN IT...)

EMILY

Dr. Denby want me to remind you that you all have to leave the
office in a few minutes and go over to the dedication of the
new private pavilion...(PAUSE) Did you hear me, Doctor?

JOE (AFTER A PAUSE)

What?..Oh, yes...I was just reading this...thing...

EMILY

Mr.. Lansdale will come in his car and pick you up at --

JOE

--Lansdale. He's the man I'm reading about. This paper tells
all about how he meets his girl and where he takes her...And,
Emily, do you know who Mrs. Lansdale's girl is?

EMILY (AFTER A PAUSE)

Yes, I do.

JOE

Does everybody know...except me?

-47-

## EMILY

They seem to.

## JOE

Do you know what is very sad about this? The heartbreaking part of it is that I don't care....I must have stopped loving her some time ago, and I didn't know it...not until this minute! ...Somewhere in this rat race, somewhere along the line, we lost each other..

## EMILY (SOFTLY)

I'm sorry you had to --

## JOE

-- What became of her? The dream girl of my college days? There was a time when if she danced with another boy and he held her close, there would be murder in my heart...Now she's Lansdale's girl, and it means no more to me than just another cheap little setup, like so many that pass through this office every day...They have no faint resemblance to love. There's nothing real about any of it...nothing real about the whole place...What am I doing here? What am I doing here?

(MUSIC: DURING LAST OF ABOVE BRING IN INTRODUCTION FOR "COME HOME" AS HE ALMOST SHOUTS "WHAT AM I DOING HERE?" ...MARJORIE STARTS TO SING...)

## MARJOR (FILTER)

Come home, come home,
Where the brown birds fly
Through a pale, blue sky,
To a tall green tree,
There is no finer sight for a man to see...

(MORE)

-48-

MARJORIE (CONT'D)

Come home, Joe, come home!

Come home and lie

By a laughing spring,

Where the breezes sing

And caress your ear.

There is no sweeter sound for a man to hear,

Come home, Joe, come home.

You will find a world of honest friends who miss you...

You will shake the hands of men whose hands are strong...

And when all their wives and kids run up and kiss you,

You will know that you are back where you belong...

You'll know you're back

Where there's work to do,

Where there's love for you...

For the love you give,

There is no better life for a man to live...

Come home Joe, come home.

Come home, son, come home....

(SHE FADES OFF ON THE LAST FEW BARS OF THIS...AND ON THE LAST
NOTE SHE IS BARELY AUDIBLE..)

EMILY (COMING IN OVER LAST SUNG NOTE)

Feeling better, doctor?

JOE

What?...Oh, Emily...yes, I ...I went kind of haywire, I guess.

EMILY

I liked it fine.

DENBY (OFF...CALLING)

Oh, Joe..Joe!

-49-

JOE

I can't see Denby now. I just can't.

DENBY

Here he is, Brook, still in his office. Mrs. Lansdale and I
have been waiting for you, Joe.

LANSDALE

Hurry up, Joe. I've got the car downstairs.

DENBY

Wait a minute, Brook. Why don't we tell him now?

LANSDALE

Might as well. Give him time to compose a speech on the way
over...

DENBY (UP)

Charlie...Oh, Charlie, you might as well come in and hear this...

CHARLIE (COMING ON)

What's up? What's afoot?

DENBY

I had had high hopes that one day you might receive this honor,
Charlie, but Joe here beat you out...and not by any narrow
margin either.

JOE

Doctor Denby, I don't understand.

DENBY

Tell him, Brook.

LANSDALE

Joe, My boy, you're about to be made Physician-in-chief to the
hospital. Youngest man ever appointed. You'll be the head
man. We are making Bigby Denby President of the Medical Board.

-50-

DENBY

I'm being kicked upstairs. Ha! Ha!

LANSDALE

What do you say?

JOE

Well, I'm knocked over. I don't know what to say.

DENBY

What do you say, Emily?

EMILY (DRYLY)

Well, gee willikers!

LANSDALE

Hope Joe isn't so tongue-tied when he gets in front of the
trustees. Come on, Joe, we're late...

JOE (GOING OFF)

Yes, I know...but I'm not...I mean...

DENBY (GOINGTOO)

I know one little lady who'll be proud of her husband today!

(SOUND: DOOR CLOSES OFF)

CHARLIE

What're you thinking about, Nursie?

EMILY

Just thinking how hard it is for a man to get off a merry-go-round after it gets going fast.

CHARLIE

You couldn't expect him to turn down a plum like this. Being head man at our hospital makes a fellow one of the big men in medicine.hereabouts.

-51-

## EMILY

Big politician, big social lion, and banquet man. Not much of a doctor. He could've been, though...When he first came here... I thought ...I hoped...

## CHARLIE

I can understand a girl getting stuck on a fellow like that. Wouldn't blame her.

## EMILY

Thanks, pal.

(PAUSE)

## CHARLIE

Want to take the day off and go to a burlesque show?

## EMILY

I don't know. I think the dedication ceremony will be funnier.

## CHARLIE

Okay. We'll go there.

## EMILY

Can we stop on the way and have a drink?

## CHARLIE

A drink? We'll get cockeyed. How else can you go to such things?

(MUSIC: BRIDGE)

(SOUND: SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE)

## LANSDALE

And now, gentlemen, it is my pleasure and honor to present the man to whom we are dedicating this bronze tablet in the new private pavilion...Bigby Denby, M.D....Physician, scientist, humanitarian...and better than all these...an executive!

(SOUND: APPLAUSE)

-52-

## LANSDALE

To use his own phrase, he has been a "good soldier". Bigby
Denby has for years...

### CHORUS (WIPES HIM OUT...)

Broccoli Hogwash Balderdash,
Phoney, Baloney, Tripe and Trash.
No one knows where his youth has gone,
No one knows where his heart has gone,
But the talk talk talk goes on and on and on and on and on
Yatata yatata yatata yatata
yatata yatata, yatata, yatata...

(CONTINUE SOFTLY AS DENBY STARTS HIS SPEECH)

### DENBY

Mr. Chairman, trustees, friends... The cup of my happiness
runneth over. My heart is so full, words fail me. And yet...

### CHORUS

The prattle and the tattle,
The gab and the gush,
The chatter and the patter
And the twaddle and the tush
Go on and on and on and on and on!

### DENBY (FADING BACK ON)

My co-worker, my young but very talented friend, Joseph Taylor,
Junior... The youngest man ever to receive this appointment.

(SOUND: APPLAUSE... FADE IT QUICKLY AND HOLD IT LIGHT UNDER
CHORUS)

-53-

## CHORUS

Look out, Joe.
Once you cross this threshold
The door will close behind you...
(SOUND: APPLAUSE STOPS...)

## JOE

Ladies and gentlemen, this comes to me as a complete surprise.
I look upon this appointment as a challenge. One must approach
with deep humility the task of succeeding so illustrious a
predecessor as Doctor Bigby Denby.

(SOUND: APPLAUSE)

He has been an ornament to medicine,
An ornament to his city
An ornament...

## CHORUS

---Ornament!
A man's mind is sometimes cleared
By the sudden light of one word.
In the flash of a split second
He sees a signpost, pointing down a new road.
And he may take a new turning
That will affect the rest of his life...

JOE (A DIFFERENT NOTE IN HIS VOICE)

It takes a special talent to be an ornament.
I am not blessed with this talent!

## ALL

What? What's that he's saying? Did you hear what he said?
Etc...

-54-

CHORUS (START QUIETLY IN B.G.
DURING THIS)

One foot, other foot
One foot, other foot
(KEEP THIS UP UNDER JOE'S SPEECH)

JOE

I must therefore...I must therefore decline the appointment.

JENNY

You can't do that, Joe.

JOE (DOWN)

Please, Jenny. (UP) I have another offer in a small hospital,
where my father is physician in chief. I'll be his assistant.

JENNY

You fool.

JOE

Please, Jenny.

JENNY

You talk like an idiot school-boy. The big city is a wicked
place and all the people in small towns are good and pure.

JOE (QUIETLY)

No, I don't say that. **You** came from a small town...Big towns
are filled with good people and bad people, good doctors and
bad doctors. I just happened to strike the wrong crowd. So all
I can do is go back among people I know I can help...,and start
all over again. I'm going home!

CHORUS

Come home, come home, where the brown birds fly,
Through a pale blue sky,
To a tall green tree....

(MORE)

-55-

## CHORUS (CONT'D)

There is no finer sight for a man to see..
Come hom, Joe, come home!

## DENBY (DURING LAST LINE OF SONG)

Joe, you can't do this. What'll I tell the papers.

## JOE

Why don't you tell them just what I said?

## LANSDALE

Tell the papers he's just a small town doctor.

## JOE

Okay, tell them that!!!

## CHORUS

Now you can do whatever you want,
Whatever you want to do..

## EMILY

Doctor Taylor, wait a minute...Can you use a nurse back there?

## CHORUS

Here you are in a wonderful world
Especially made for you.

## CHARLIE

Hey, what about me?

## JOE (OFF)

Come on.

## ALL (WITH INCREASING VOLUME AND SPIRIT)

One foot, other foot
One foot, other foot,
Now you can do whatever you want,

(MORE)