# The BARBER'S WEDDING.

## I.

IN Liquor-pond-street, it is well known to many,
An Artist resided, who shav'd for a penny,
Cut hair for three halfpence, for three-pence he bled,
And would draw, for a groat, ev'ry tooth in your head.

## II.

What annoy'd other folks never spoil'd his repose,
'Twas the same thing to him whether Stocks fell or rose;
For blasts and for mildew he car'd not a pin;
His crops never fail'd, for they grew on the chin.

## III.

Unven'd by the care that Ambition and State has,
Contented he din'd on his daily potatoes;
And the pence that he earn'd, by excision of bristle,
Were nightly devoted to wetting his whistle.

## IV.

When copper ran low, he made light of the matter,
Drank his purl, upon tick, at the old Pewter Platter;
Read the news, and as deep in the secret appear'd
As if he had lather'd the Minister's beard.

## V.

But Cupid, who trims men of every station,
And 'twixt Barbers and Beaux makes no discrimination,
Wou'd not let this superlative SHAVER alone,
'Till he try'd if his heart was as hard as his hone.

## VI.

The fair one whose charms did the Barber enthral,
At the end of Fleet-Market of fish kept a stall;
As red as her cheek no boil'd lobster was seen,
Not an eel that she sold was so soft as her skin.

## VII.

By love strange effects have been wrought, we are told,
In all countries and climates, hot, temp'rate, and cold;
Thus, the heart of our Barber Love scorch'd to a coal,
'Tho' tis very well known he liv'd under the Polz.

## VIII.

First, he courted this CHARMER in sorrowful fashion,
And lied, like a Lawyer, to move her compassion;
He shou'd perish, he swore, did his suit not succeed,
And a Barber to slay, was a barbarous deed.

## IX.

Then he alter'd his tone, and was heard to declare,
If valour deser'd the regard of the fair,
That his courage was try'd, 'tho' he scorn'd to disclose
How many brave fellows he'd tweak'd by the nose.

## X.

For his Politics too, they were thoroughly known,
A Patriot he was, to the very back bone;
WILKES he gratis had shav'd, for the good of the na-
tion,
And he held the WHIG CLUB in profound veneration.

## XI.

For his tenets religious, he well could expound
Emanuel Swedenbourg's mist'ries profound;
And new Doctrines could broach, with the best of 'em all,
For this Perriwig-maker had many a CAUL.

## XII.

Thus, this Knight of the Bason confounded together,
Courage, Politics, Love, Inspiration, and Lather:
But his hard-hearted Mistress, she set him at nought;
No Gudgeon was she, nor so easily caught.

## XIII.

Indignant she answer'd, " no chin-scraping sort
" Shall be fasten'd to me by the conjugal knot;
" No !—to Tyburn repair, if a noose you must tie,
" Other fish I have got, Mr. Tonsor, to fry.

## XIV.

" Holborn-Bridge and Blackfriars, my triumphs can tell,
" From BILLINGSGATE BEAUTIES I've long borne
the Bell;

" Nay, Tripe-men and Fishmongers vie for my favour,
" Then, d'e think I'll take up with a Two-penny
Shaver?

## XV.

" Let Dory, or Turbot, the Sov'reign of Fish,
" Cheek by jowl with Red-herring be serv'd in one dish;
" Let Sturgeon and Sprats in one pickle unite,
" When I angle for Husbands, and Barbers shall bite."

## XVI.

But the Barber persisted, (ah, could I relate 'em !)
To ply her with compliments, soft as pomatum;
And took ev'ry occasion to flatter and praise her,
'Till she fancied his wit was as keen as his razor.

## XVII.

He protested, besides, if she'd grant his petition,
She shou'd live like a Lady of rank and condition;
And to Billingsgate-Market no longer repair,
But himself all her business would do, to a hair.

## XVIII.

Her smiles, he asserted, wou'd melt eyen rocks,
Nay, the fire of her eyes would consume Barber's blocks,

On insensible objects bestow animation,
And give, to old periwigs, regeneration.

## XIX.

With fair speeches cajol'd, as you'd tickle a Trout,
'Gainst the Barber the Fishwife no more could hold out;
He apply'd the right bait, and with flatt'ry he caught
her:

Without flatt'ry a female's a fish out of water.

## XX.

The state of her heart, when the Barber once guess'd,
Love's siege with redoubled exertion he press'd;
And as briskly besirr'd him, the Charmer embracing,
As the wash-ball that dances and froths in his bason.

## XXI.

The flame to allay that their bosoms did so burn,
They set out for the Church of St. Andrew, in Hol-
born;
Where Tonsors and Trulls, country Dicks and their
Cousins,

In the halter of Wedlock are tied up by dozens.

## XXII.

The nuptials to grace, came from ev'ry quarter,
The worthies at Rag Fair, old Caxons who barter;
Who, the covering of Judges and Counsellors nob,
Cut down into Major, Queues, Scratches, and Bobs.

## XXIII.

Muscle-mongers, and Oystermen, Crimps and Coal-
heavers,

And Butchers with narrow-bones, smiting their cleav-
ers;

Shrimp-scalders and Bug-killers, Taylors and Tylers,
Boys, Botchers, Bawds, Bailiffs, and Black-pudding
Boilers.

## XXIV.

From their voices united such melody flow'd,
As the Abbey ne'er witness'd, nor Tottenham-court-
road;

While St. Andrew's brave bells did so loud and so clear
ring,

You'd have given ten pounds to've been out of their
hearing.

## XXV.

For his fee—when the Parson this couple had join'd,
As no cash was forth-coming, he took it in kind;
So the Bridegroom dismantied his Rev'rence's chin,
And the Bride entertain'd him with pilcharus and gin.

Derry awon, &c.

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