33

And the devil of a contrary substance that BEGONIA
materialises in the past, looms exceedingly in after per-
spective.

Twenty years later Lady Cornflower confides of
that epoch :

" My dear - - There wasn't a woman in London who did -
n't hate it ; though, lots of them adored their hus -
bands, the finest men in England : flower of Brit -
ish manhood - all that sort of thing - seems so MANKIND
wasteful does n't it ? But they all had such a hor-
ror of it ? Wanted to scream . They would implore
them not to . But after all ; what is marriage for ? "

And Lady Cornflower, who may of course have been hand-
ing herself a bouquet, continued :

" Imagine my dear ! I was the only one ."

You see my boy before I married him was sent to the
Embassy in Paris ; and you know in Paris - " Her blue
eyes unbaffled, ruminating as a baby 's lit the shad ow
of her Gainsborough hat. ( ' Indecent dressing herself
up like that ! The mother of a marriageable girls ! X' )

Her prettiness having preserved itself in reminiscences
other women were irked by her lack of conformity.

" - - You see he had learned everything in Paris.

You know dear," she chuckled daintily " What the French
call the art of love.

35

who have kn needed, proddled and fumbled that cloud in
search of the superb response; missing the very finite.
Centres of communication. What is this lust in primeval
memories that are so attenuated. That they are not even
in conscious connection with their own bodies --

" So my dear at last- I couldn't bear it- her
nerve was *broken* - and she was my dearest friend ;
I went to her husband -- So *daring* of me -- and
begged him - I mean , I very discretely suggested to him
that, to begin with --- there is another position--
And my *dear* what do you think he *said*

" I would rather/ my wife lay dead at my feet
than make an immoral woman of her"

So in more intimate revelation their social
distinctions dissolve -

Mrs Israels also would rather her daughter
" lay dead at her feet " than that she should curl
her hair, to go to a party .

There begins to seem something more likely
nice
in her consolation for Sir Digbys verdict on women ;
her notion that the aristocracy enjoy immaculate con-
ception -- It sets her " sows ears "
*ABOVE HER*

Maxx But Lady Cornflower returning to the
year 1910 - in which she is talking

" Have you heard the latest --- MXX Lord
has
Heronymous on his honey -moon, written Ossy - that on
the first night his bride asked him

" but does everybody have such exquisite

36

pleasure when they marry ?

" Yes everybody does ---

" Then all I can say is --- its much too good for
the comon people .

wearing
Fifteen years later Lady Cornflower's " angel" **★** a
pink silk shirt and a monocle flagged with a black
ribbon, broad as a Victorian bell-pull, advocates
marriage among women -----

Or did such Power as endows us with the endurance to
suffer, administer it 's psychic anaesthetic, so that when
xx she 'comes to' it will seem plausible to be alive
lacking the organ of the soul.

If a murderer denies his guilt long enough
he is telling the truth; in the time elapsed since
the crime his entire atomic volume (or) cellular
structure) has been renewed. The one with the desire
to kill has disappeared in the ether, leaving a fresh
body that that prefers to play pinnochle.

The affair of justice, then, is prosecuted
upon memory. - What is memory? Trot it along
There's Goy kuxxkuxxparak! Stuck in the Past like some -
one just become aware that he's running into a lamp -
post.

Look inside her! Her contents are a bunch of steam-
ing nerves; quivering like the heart the Mexican priest
jerks out of the breast of a living victim, ' to tell

39

So does memory adjust everything to it's rightful proportions. But reflect a moment - - Goy has been useing her own view - point. (What about Mr Israels and - Mrs - - - -

Mr and Mrs Israels did not believe in divorce. It would 'harm' the children. Alternatively, nobody would have put up with their nonsense but each other. Some unhappy marriages are coherent as puzzles of which the pieces would 'fit' in nowhere else; as if the first encounter of the pair of temperaments had shattered them to such shapes as subsequently bear an inevitable relation to each other.

So they prefer to triturate their lives in imposing their 'opinions'.

It were erroneous for one who should under-
stand all things to encumber himself with an opinion.
Yet were not the understanding of all things an attain-
ment to the consummate point of view; and is not point
of view, opinion? An option on an intellectual site,
or the defence of a fortification
situation?

What is the view k-point of a race that is m-
pursued and ousted, assassinated spurned; whose very God
had sworn to bring all calamity upon it - - ' and
worse things than these will I do unto you because ye
believed on me 'XX K - - - And continuing in this wor-
ship it survives, for the sole reason that this race
once it has got an idea into it's head that idea is
impossessible to dislodge.

40 #

The idea of this race being that it is 'chosen'
is not such assertion sufficient to raise up adversaries
' out of these stones' ?

To this race a choice implies conservation, while to
surplus mankind, exempt from this profitable election,
it inevitably suggests extermination.

Is it the view - point of a race that having
only a borrowed horizon, keeps sharper outlook; or of
a people whose temple having been overthrown, has developed
developed a mania for building things up - - fortunes -
families - - ?

Even as man may be distinguished from the more
circumspect animals, he is observed to be vastly varied
' among himself ' a ranging from such as are incongruous
in structure and detail, to that which is so well done
that it surpasses in complexity of beauty all other
phenomena in Nature.

So is every race at long distance uniform as distinct from other races; yet in every race at close-up there is infinite variety among itself.

If you take the pre-war jew and the pre-war
war Englishman and examine them from long-distance it
will be observed that all jews whine and all Englishmen
swallow.

But if you bring them to close up it will be found
that few jews whine. Some chant; others haggle.
While some are so engrossed in calculation - -

46

that Jew in particular could mean her father ?
She had enough in her of that British prevarication
to inter the untenable reality ; and only impersonally
was she ever alarmed at a doom so irremediable - -
as once at a children's party of which Mrs Israels
snipped had said "all jews" she had found a little golden -
headed girl who looked like an angel in a winning
frock of straw coloured gauke embroidered with pansies
of purple floss; her anxiety that all this loveliness
should not be burnt to pieces, and perhaps some vague
salvational impulse had prompted her to whisper to the
little one

" You're a Christian? "

"No "tossed the angel her pale curls proudly," I'm a
jewess"

"A Christian?" She was almosy spitting with disgust.

Now where was Goy ? Being as she had xx been
told, a Christian, she was saved. Had she, as she
had almost accused herself of doing, stolen this salva-
tion from this jewess - or was this salvation like
Mother-love so torturous that the jew preferred hell. ?

All through life the nape of the neck is
the devil's target - -

and Old Nick is interested in Goy " Eile à une si jolie
nuque "

Just about this time Ibsen is coming into fashion,
and he will show us an unfortunate inheritor who com-
plains of a pain in the back of his neck and promptly
screams for the sun. This is the prise electrique of
psychic fear, that of physical fear is in the diaph-
ragm. In the child the demarcation between the two ter-
rors is scarcely defined, and as to the child as of such
slight capacity, it may react in both as one and the
same.

When this happens, the child FREAKXXXEXXEXXXY has the
sensation of petrified dissolution being run down by
a motor lorry. locomotive.

And Goy has been so systematically frightened that the
least misshap sets this all in action.

Has she with her sudden creation of darkness plunged
a world in peril ?

When she walks in her sleep she is at once seeking
for the departed spirit of the night - light, and FREAK
fleeing and from a vengeance on her involuntary act of
magical vandalism. This is an eternal duty that she has
failed in, imperrilking more than herself

The personal misdemeanour has linked itself to a racial
anxiety of failed accomplishment, and of loss.

48

growing under that glance of appraisal that makes the
watchful jew look as he were *sniffing* a pinch of snuff up his eye.

If a jew were given the queen of love in marriage, and his children grew wings; not even then could he rid himself of his agonising doubt that the goods have been misrepresented to him. For did not the land flowing with milk and honey turn out to be a stony tract that was hardly irrigated?

Only when his similar slaps him on the back - - Israels - - you made a good bargain *there*.

- - do his eyes burn up in feverish releif; for
if it is impossible to get an idea out of his head,
he can never make a decision without preludes of re-assurance.

However, a child always finds something to do, something to undo.

In the greatest emptiness there is always oneself that remains - - - also a heavy pillar of alabaster from which age has wrenched it's clock, leaving a socket of the circular eye that ever accounts for us, pulverous in the unself-like abrasion of хрупких калейки calcite.

The fascination with which the idea of void teases unbearable pain, is drawing Goy - -

She will crash this polished silence on her brain.

____ Poor fish !

If only you knew of what quality is the heirloom organ within you.

Ах,ээг А cog ; in the clock that ticks above the eternal cataclysm ; whose ultimate function is to tell the whole world the right time.

And you imagine that this dash of the protestant in you this suicidal protestation, хандринххуаххаххахх и can count you out ?

Wait - - and its power of endurance, shall be amply proven to you.

Upon
But its most efforts of self-destruction there intrudes a
counteractive that will urge the bent elbow to an angle
opposed to it, as if it were a weapon of

54

relax their convictions. Even the purchase of
instruments adapted to their purposes is an extravagance;
her oppulence is not tradition by the geranium in the
tin can. And Goy is craving a little of this sin;
and even worse, something totally beautiful.

Far be it from her to help her
child into Hell; she invents a discipline; she calls it
it shopping; this to ascertain what it is you require
and buy you the opposite.

"Have you no pride?" asks Goy's father when
"For such an exceptional beauty it certainly is a queer
idea to want to go about dressed like a scarecrow."

When Goy is eighteen, now " says Mamma at the bargain -
counter picking up a house - maid's skirt of nice strong
ticking. " This is marked down _very_ low indeed."

"But it does not fit me. Look how it bil-
lows out over my tummy."

"Rubbish," says Mrs Israels, "You're too slim; a
little stomach will improve you."

"Isaacs remarked only yesterday." That girl of
yours will make a splendid marriage." But you
know Goy I am not at all satisfied with you; you
ought to be all dainty and pretty how can I tell?
A young girl knows well enough how she should look.

You're old enough to wear a little quiet jewellery.
But you seem to prefer a safety-pin showing beneath x
your belt."

" - - - - - but Mamma - -
" - - protests Goy - -

59

fall upon them - - her shrinking together, emptied
Goy's heart of it's aching; to recharge on the in-
stant with the bitter contents of this other heart ..
The heart she has approached for that exchange of con-
fidences in which the helpless asses of misfortune ap-
praise each others' loads.

Which bandying of comparisons back and forth, in some
way lightenmg them, at least of 'bearing in silence '
until their return to their masters who will heap them
up anew.

Thus between their captive wounds a drain
of receprocity has been adjusted through which to -
flow.

62

big

Indeed being the first totals she has heard, and her
memory containing nothing comparable with which to con-
fuse them, these dates come to her with the eclat of
conversion;

*EVEN AS ONE MIGHT SAY* 'YOU TELL ME' THAT THIS IS THE
TRUTH ACCORDING TO - - AND DEAR ME I THINK OF IT *IXEA*
I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING TO THE CONTRARY - -

SO THESE NUMBERS ON INTRODUCING THEMSELVES BECOME IN -
ROUTING ALL NEW-COMERS,

DIGENOUS AND SURVIVE AS *IX* A SEEMING EVIDENCE THAT THE *IX
HER BRAIN*
ONLY EVENT IN HER NATIONAL ANNALS *SHE* HAS THOUGHT FIT
TO RECORD IS THE NORMAN CONQUEST.

However deeply and lastingly furrowed the
auditory regions of the brain may be ; however long
and loudly they may *KKAA* echo the maternal tending
through the reiterative programme of neuresthenia , it is
impossible to register with precision the unreasoned ac -
cusations of this relentless indignation , For no trend
of thought defines itself on the meandering route by
which it ambles to audition , for no sooner does it
wander into the oration than it is confronted by some
other complaint arrived in a state of syncope from some
opposite source .

Paying attention to Mrs Israels is to the a
ear as is to the eye an attempt to keep track of a
house - fly in those aimless quadrilles, in which these

63 a

insects on bumping into each other distract the onlooker from their identity. Yet in a couple of decades she will succeed in breaking through Goy's volition and force her, to a focus where it assumes an intangible logic of being logical to herself, following a nauseous scent in which the villified reason comes at last to smell its own trail.

If the child from this spell-bound forest of refrain could be led to a psychic clearing by a single cue, should she know, from a prompter who knows what this drama happens to be about; perhaps so much of the satanic drama concert should silence it self. But a life that starts all wrong kxxxkka is a calculation based on an initial inaccuracy.

Mrs Israels is achieving her effect, the wearing down of the human obstacle in the name of God. With this clumsiness of the senses, this mystic capacity for not letting the official self see what the un-official self does; - a constant washing in the blood of the Lamb.

"Be sure your sins will find you out" I hope you feel ashamed of yourself" jeers Mother. The protestant harvest shall not fail. What is this nervous concussion that answers to the call of shape. How can an inexperienced child perceive that the preceptors are planting a blade in her to turn among the subliminal roots of her faculties to lop off the green shoots of initiative, while they sow shud-dering seeds of silence and shift. The protestant harvest shall not fail. And so 'adolescence' reaches behind a pride of life like mask of death of one who has received the mortal wound before the battle of life has begun.

64

Goy expects every human being she encounters to explode with unaccountable accusations in her face. inherent prayer being the Lord forgive me for being alive; and had not been for Mr Israels pursuing her with him 'manie du grand ', she would have made herself quite at home in the self-abasement her mother required of her. Whereas his exhortations to glory put her shame out of countenance, and so it is to a double and dis-sentient reproach that she submits.

For while she climbs down from her self to placate the matriarch, her father is preaching the pinacles of ambition. As if the primary manoeuvre towards glory should be an invitation to the world in general to spit in your face.

Which enough resembles Christ's to turn the other cheek also; only that Mrs Israels sadism had so decorated her child's psyche with a thousand of cheeks that by the time the enemy would be through with the tremor of the things, the soul of her child would have reduced itself to one resounding 'thwack'!

" BE ashamed first " says the Christian

" Think?

" Think," says the Jew

" Before or after " queries the confused brain anyhow it is impossible for this cloven ego to concentrate and while Mr Israels hardly feels 'up to business', she cannot learn at school. However as it is as physically impossible to bring no home - work to class as it is to

66

"- how dare you question your Mother ?
Israels is not a Jewish name,
Would you, an English girl, demean yourself by listening to
such insolent prattle. If you paid more heed to your
books and worked hard, you'd have no time. Where's your
Dignity. I'd like to know ?

1S
She was too great an idealist to ever speak the truth
and as that which the English do not consider fit to
look at has no presence, reality being altogether be-
neath contempt, she knows that if she draws herself up
saying, "Excuse me but our name is Eyes - rails;" or,
"Pardon me, my husband is connected with trade"

will
M That not another squeek she hear from reality.

And as her entire potentiality is spent in
her mystic reprisals on lovely ideas that only end in
talk (Because of her)
- for in the Garden of love just as in the
Promised Land for Mr Israels, the Idea as if presen-
ted by a defaulting realty promotor of the sublime, has
failed of realization; she has no leisure to discover
that her camouflage does not work.

Her child who is not vociferous has ears to hear, how
enormously it does not.

Also who is ready to waste infinite time on convince -
ing me such as having no apprehension of it, refuse to
listen to, reason; she of all her family is alone
is never target for irrefutable insinuations.
EXEMPTXXFROM XXXXXXXXX
(made)

For instance, from Goy, in the Bible- class
at school the girls edge away, leaving her as a mile-
stone beyond the mark.

Always on opening the New Testament the schoolmistress

69

virtual maniacs and the tenderest infants.

So it is hardly strange that it is here *kak* in the child's garden that she conceives the idea that has fooled the *kakokakka* *prakak* protozoa into becoming an over complicated civilization; the idea that it would be nice to have some children and watch them *kekak* be perfectly happy.

But *gok* goes a little off the track in her apper- hension of maternal impulse; what she has got hold of is creative inspiration - and its possible application to the family process.

7

pamphlet from S. P. C. C.

"A child put out to freeze in the snow" - "What a releif."

"Child starved to death by it's parents" - "Is that all?"

She imagines how it would be if she appealed to the S.P.C.C. to save her - Flip goes Mrs Israels
"I'm afraid my little girl doesn't always know what is best for her". Those angel eyes! Think what something is the S.P.C.C. would have to say to Goy.

She is always surprised when reading the newspapers, that wardens give prisoners anything to eat. That the judge does not yell insults at them uninterruptedly from the bench; she has been led to think of the criminal as the focus of descending indignities; but after all, is something in this scheme that is a nation, where - as she does not, She wonders why? Otherwise she like the criminal would be allowed to breathe without kthrobs of apprehension and riffs of fright.

Goy would rather be anywhere in the world than here - under any circumstances - 'Girl raped by step-father interrupts the S.P.C.C.' That also would be unbearable; but not for so long. However she would not choose that as an exchange, for were she to do so, then XXXXXXXX she would not marry; while she is given every reason to believe that however long she bears this she will still be 'fit' for marriage. This being the only point on which both parents agree

Insert 77 f

Her wrist is clamped in an unseen clutch, Goy is disabled for banging hard enough.

"Stay" hwheedles ' Springs eternal in the human breast' -
- all the happiness you may be missing "

"There's no way of getting at it" groans Goy, desperately trying again.

c At least she has given herself such a frightful physical headache, that the other ache is quizzled, numbed, stilled.

A smile on a fellow face defies the challenge; here the Mrs Israels challenges this autocrat; intellectual satisfaction of any sort is ablaze. The horrent to her. Unable to transform her inherent vision; yet ready to do things 'on a larger scale' she is, unknowingly, straining every nerve of her soul to establish the aimlessness of the makeshift element in *humanity* as the dominant factor in her domesticity.

Are we not all scared of the uncustomary?

To Mrs Israels organisation is as secret as a vice. into which her inherited MARA conscience dare not, there - fore refuses to enquire.

To her work must be drudgery : survival an agony
" Stop that thinking I want to rule."

- A smile boasts the well being of intellect, is a signal that something survives of it; her task is not yet accomplished. She does not feel safe until everybody about her is reduced to tears.

To possess a thing because it pleases one, is for her a sin, for not easily do the unpropertied forsake that

Yet the threat of taking to the high - ways is the
leit - motif of Mrs Israels blackmail . But let us dis-
tinguish ; not with the intention of lying upon them ,
but of dying upon them .

A corpse as fruit of Israel's husbandry is the
tiveness
ideal of her vindication; with such damning evidence would
she singularise him in the public eye.

When
Even as harmless suicides do away with themselves, and
they
to keep up the national courage for life are declared
insane; and to hold up the face of the family, Temporally so - everybody is served. The harmful sui-
cides never make these amends. The Supreme black-mail
makexthere. The supreme elaboration of matrimonial being
the perpetual postponement of suicide.

The dark side of a suburban family whose mother should be
driven by downright cruelty to put an end to herself
is just inextricable enough for Mrs Israels to heartily
want relations.
She Indeed it is so temp-
desire it for her own. It is so temp-
ting as almost to be worth the committing ; only -
is
so much the coward as to be incapable of

even pricking herself with a pin.
Also she would not be present to ejoy these results.
The greatest battle of the soul is between it's desire
and it 's unfulfilment. So
she is right. Having
accrued to her in no way through the media sensorial vehicle,
therefore not being of one flesh with her.
these people are not at all related to her.
It is monstrous that she can not get away from them.

86

Goy tosses unnourished on her bed.

Every now and then Mrs Israels lets a sob out of her
just for diploma cy.

## Downstairs

Israels snores like one under a long - sought anaesthetic
in a vermillion leather arm - chair.

The colonies are all asleep. But not so Mrs Israels
who having nothing to do all day, is fresh for plan-
nong the morrow 's campaign.

Practising the international stunt of declaring offensive,
to be defensive, warfare; from the fumes and turmoil,
the racket and the monotony she diffuses about her, she
will denounce her husband and children as her inquis-
itors while they incapacitate Reason in their efforts to
discover in what this torture they are inflicting up-
on her, consists.

Les parents sont des enfants pourris.

Mrs Israels is a child acting a splendid part. And after all how can a world that reasons its way, or pays it 's way, seem real to her spirit of implacable negation, inefficiency?

So she is being the protagonist of Brit-
ish niceness; overcoming the dragon Trade, the ogre Jew,
and like a child does not require a contact with a
present audience. But with that child's audience which
does not appear.

Being in this case an aristocracy as she imagines it

87

That same she suspects of immaculate conception
Too nice to intend anything in their talk;
just audacious enough to simper too dignified for an-
imation, almost too divine to die. Bursting with moral-
ity and entirely disinterested - - -

his Never for instance can she wean her husband from his interest in her household accounts. She dreams of the jovial Lord whose incontinent purse strings - -

But with all their prerogatives there is one thing the élite is missing. Mrs Israels.

" If you could only see me " She evokes them desperately from the stage of her devastated home XN .

" I can simper just as prettily as you can ; be just as deadly dignified ,; my morality is shattering .

I am an English rose . " And she is blowing on an outer air .

If Those who do not live by the flesh, live by the spirit ? it must by one or the other. The outrag-
ed womb might have lain dormant in the security of
or the woman who is received
the 'nice woman', but Mrs Israels has become a grand
lady just as she is about to discover what it means
to have a husband who is in trade.

So now she lives apart like Justice, and set
above her sow's-ears; who are always stood about like
like nine-pins to listen to her bowl them over,
The fine denunciative gesture of melodrama she forces to
a shrek of indignation, - - Never does she relinquish

92 9

Hers is an aborted destiny. Imagine emerging from
from a chrysallis, developing ideal wings Without ideal
air in which to fly.

What matter that without the fortuitous Mr Israels she
would not have these wings, fluttered out of her husband's
bank - account. His occupation supplies the wrong air.

BY
To the idle, Life is expected to happen
to march it's events up to them in dazzling consum-
mation. So it takes this woman along time to re-
alise, that smirk as she may no peerless proposes to
ask her to tea.

last century
For such like reasons did the heart of ḥ<xpress> mothers and
ḥ<xpress> become the juggernaut of ḥ<xpress> suburban
virginity, wasting it at bed - commodes and chair - backs
draped around a medicine glass.

Here comes the doctor.
Is he not English Eros fluttered in for a moment at her
her alien window - - A professional man.
Her only opportunity .

If a flirtation can be made of thrusting the
fleshless spirit of a visionary rose under the nose of
an M. D. ; then Mrs Israels is flirting with the
doctor.

She would induce him to share the sorrow of her un-
audiences situation; by being too too coyly virtuous,
too purely platonic, too pathetically unconscious wherein
her martyrdom consisted. Its his business to know
what it is that ails his patient.

93

innocent woman
" Jove what a charming girl. What sort of a wife
a man might have made of her if she had not committed
the imprudence of marrying that Jew."

We have to congratulate Mrs Israels that no one ever
guessed that if she had not, she would have been
attending the village dispensary. She has a acumen to carry out what she had made up her mind to do. To represent the right side up of a misalliance.

Luckily children are easily ill.

Later there will be the troubles with her heart.
One attack will result from a slight altercation with her
her mate as to whether her great growing daughters shall
get any dinner. Oblivious of the passing of time. Having once read on
some woman's page that children should not eat late
dinner - a glass of milk is ample; Mrs Israels is fascinated by the word. It is a new one. If the girls get their dinner she will never have the chance
to say ample again while tucking in a maltese lace handkerchief into her pea green satin breast.

Long since Goy has grown above the creaking busks -
only to be confronted with that other decoration of sacred motherhood; the perky bosom. That starts up
in your face with a final.

Goy stares at the polished table-cloth, wondering
She has tried every conceivable conduct. Her guilt has
never decreased. If an insatiable vengeance, demands of

94

QR A

you *am* a certain sacrifice ; *would* it hot , that sac -
rifice once having been offered , refuse it, demanding k
the very reverse .

Now the Protestant ideal was never attain -
ed because the protestant cannot contrive . Who protests
is in a hurry .

Mrs Israels destroyed all obstacles in the way of her
ideal without first *taking* the precaution to ascertain
whether they might not be converted into channels of
attainment .

sense
Everyone who has enough *MANKIND* is free to be self reliant, for such as have not it is wiser to trust their affairs to Providence; whose speciality it is to turn obstacles into stepping stones.

XMK Her eye is always yearning up from under at it's
desideratum without casting a glance at the numerous
step - ladders waiting around.

To her the first difficulty is the absolute *débacle*.

Has she allowed her ideal to die of it's first ad -
versity ?

No She has turned herself about and set out for a goal
impossible for the intellect to discern.

It is *Buried under*, and at the same time *serving* as a
foundation to mountains of achievement. It is the *middle*

95

Middle class illusion of existence; it 'à desire in all
it 's imperfect emulation to assert itself.

It is known this poor, over-printed until the plate is worn out; this scratched and blurred impression of a nation's portrait? It is into this, mistaking it for an original, that with magnificent sadism, and wiliest determination that she will grind her children's faces until they come, as they ought, to look like it - - - " Or over your dead bodies - - -

98

QX

And the only row that *that* remained in the race memories of Mrs Israels colonials *was* the row of the pogrom coming up the ghetto street. But even in those greatest vicissitudes of that race it *was* left to these, *their* in England, unimperilled. Is - raels to take the pogrom to *it* be a posom and nurture it in their home. Always - always.

The womb with it's psychology of obfuscation can be coped with in it's fitting habitat where mass domes - ticity impinging on private life, it may scream in the steam of wash-tubs while it's natural prey takes refuge in alleys that serve as annex to *the* home.

Little Jews when scattered in a massacre flee in community with other little Jews; little protestants whose parents are devout, forget in the company of *of* moderate little christians in the play = ground. When conjugal disruption clatters about their heads they can under-look it, back to a tradition. In spite of parental deviation they can revert to their national continuity.

100

"You needn't listen to a word she says. Why concern you
concern yourself. Let it go in at one ear and out at
the other.

"She calls that standing there and defying me"

"Then rather agree pleasantly to all she says. Answer
sweetly Yes Mamma dear. If black is white; agree.

An moment later - White is black - agree E always agree.

"Mark But she insists that I act upon it - - and
there's no way - - There's no way."

The detail of living for the majority is the complexity
forming of an aim, which is incentive to a series of
voluntary actions in pursuance of its object.

A gesture is a journey.

But Goy is lashed to a metronome that tic-tacs to
and fro to the opposite tempos of her father and mother
at once.

"Look over there" he wheedles in desperate
apprehension that his semi-yid shall not see.

"Beauty and genius crowned by the world."

"Look over here" snaps Mrs Israels. "If
you refuse to shoulder your load to get down to work
there is the open door of the poor-house.

A rat on a wheel plys a certain circumference, plods
on a given course; but the reason of Goy whirls in a
disparate orbits.

102

self assertion

watched

in her

young, that

even a normal

can discern

even a normal

self assurance

( - often allowed to a human being how -

ever degradent a social system may be ; but it is

idle to talk of a system, where there is only a tan-

gled mess of the knots in our individual psychi, )

- A snucleous of SHIT God - kikka less selfishness,

- IS IS IS

instances

even as the dregs of a libido are in manyinjected into

the patient through sinister atavisms of the psycho -

analyst. So Mrs Israels sets the assertive ego to

disintegrate

annihilate

itself.

" But I can't bear it " sobs Goy.

My head is going to explode if I dont get away. -

Oh let me go ; that I may have peace. "

" Peace " muses Judah, searching her from her
Father 's eyes for understanding . " Peace ? "

Why Mrs Israels who never refrains from
feeling grand should resort to threats whose execution,
given the family circumstances, is most unlikely can be
explained in that she is the kind of individual who devoid of all power of ac-
hievement, surrounds it - self with fancied ri-
vals, whom it can only imagine itself to excel in the
event of successfully beating them to a retreat from
which it is impossible for them to issus.

ΤΜΧΧΧΕΙΡΑΣΧΧΝΙΑΧΧΝΩΝΩΝ

When Bel Cham told the Jews that they must dance and sing, they managed to - - although they have nothing pleasant to look forward to except a Messiah whom they seem to have mislaid.

Were we not thus subliminally convinced, our only image
inable rating of self sacrifice would be as of a fool
ish spending of an irretrievable life - capital.

The purely mental heroism of the Jew has been of alien
import to all other national invincibilities. It
consists in his will to live.

106

What becomes of our individuality that is only a con -
fection of broken straws blown from the big hay - rick ?

Are we disclosed as vehicles of a general drift of an
instinct we have not invented towards a satisfaction that
has not been determined by ourselves.

For adolescence always displays the same symptoms and ma-
turity the same toxications.

The ego then reduces to the wish, the magic spring of
our psychology.

The factitious ambition is confused, being unable to describe itself to the inner discernment that in creative men picks up a latent possibility to materialize it.

All spurious desire is blinded by that knowlege that is sparkling very luminous advantage that is all it can see of success, it cannot know what glory has to do in the dark, to effect its own emergence.

It might almost be said to be a pre-conception of an idea, so remote of origin is the creative impulse that inevitably arrives, to the measure of its own propulsion.

Buddha in seeking to confound man of his desire, stung with pernicious stint, the Orient to torpor.

Desire is the man - is the seed of creation.

But the man whose desire is unformed, will dabble the fingers of his envy in the rays from the visions surpassing him;

And if desire so much exceeds the man as to destroy, in him it's most delicate instrument, is it not bound to retemper him in future fires to a greater resistance.

So even as our creative desire, comes to materialize, do our inanities and our abhorences, also give off results, sublimate to the solid rock of the universal obstacle.

109

XI

The puissance of the wish if to us unapparent in it's
enormous crystallizations may produce long - despaired - of
scenarios to fulfil mythologic beliefs, beliefs.

If a thousand prayers should collect their
aeriel courses and project a catholick heaven on some corner of the sky ; a heaven as in a grotto of moss
stuck with paper roses and dangling sugar doves. So To
over - shadow a virgin whose lashes pointing upward like
a crown - - lead her intercessional hands higher &
and higher, for ever and ever, drawing the kneeling peasants the praying seminarists, an ass and a cow - -

Or a thousand anathemas coagulate to a gland of evil &
in the body of Cosmopolos, would the human being the
entities that drifted there submerge in original sin.

116

So let Evangeline just mention heaven as delight to her
and she immediately can conceive of it.

For if childhood, fresh from the angelic factory trans-
forms the objective, adolescence does something of the
sort to the subjective.

For in what way should youth concern itself with the
defeat of the flesh; that is the affair of the people who are beginning to crease.

What in Nature tips young things off to such
demands to be made on the future as perfect love, ideal
happiness, - - ?

And what in the instruction of the preceptors or the
illusive quality of the soul causes these uninhabitable
structures to subside upon their expectancies in a cloud of dust.

"No, no, Miss Goy, there's no such thing as
happiness in this wicked world; we're all put here to
atone for our sins. You and your sister just as
much as your Pa and your Ma & The Lord help them!"

Naturally in 1900 no parents mention 'such things' to
their children; yet Goy is convinced that her parents
have no conception of love; that the Jew has a dirty
idea and a clean contact; the protestant, a clean idea and
a dirty contact. She knows you can never make anything
out of any of that.

Was Youth deluded because when it was all
over they found their expectations to have been greater

118

even detect the lovers of humanity, their leaden cannon
their tin armies advancing from behind to blow it all
up with the sand - - - in order that 'those others'
may inherit a place in the sun ?

" What the hell shall we do with Mamma ? " enquires œ
one of these beatified beings Engendered of your aspi -
rations,

" Oh get her a lover " answers another while standing
on her head.

If every member of every race has a racial
memory, it also has an anticipation that is not conceived
in the present. From where - ever it may draw it's in-
spiration, it is so defined that actuality is only a
screen between our self and it's realisation.

An over- showy idol of exstacy teetering aloft of the
unstemmed of the generations
an XXXXXK procession, having that in itself to serve a
as it's own antidote.

Where lies the solution of this mystery, that the thing
we most desire is the thing we mostly miss ?

Is it in an individual suspicion that the object of
our sublime coveteousness is perchance indevisable ?
Does the substantiation of happiness consist in it's
indevisable divisability ?

However that may be, God like every other young thing
is persuaded that happiness 'is' and decides that adults
omitted it, again, out of pure pig-headedness.

" Listen " she says " for one moment " laying
her hand on her mother's pudgy wrist

123

in no way depending on it's means of expression.

If a maiden served ten years of entire suppression to obtain one sureptitious kiss she may have lived no less intensely than her successor, who uncoverly scrambles ten lovers into half a decade; the difference lying merely in the texture of the psychic backdrops that show up these ephemeral experiments of the Will to Live. that of the former, of wider expanse is woven of an agonising introspection and rent as an instinct knowing at itself; that of the latter, no wider more spatial than the protagonist who proclaims before it

"I do this - I refuse to do that - Why? - Because it amuses, or does not, amuse me." For having dismissed the conceded super who played the part of Con-science' monitor - she fills the stage, and is the whole show.

That is if the extroversion is the conclusion of emotional experience, but the ruling on this case will be postponed to form a precedent on which to base the facts of a coming era.

How heartening it would be could we foresee such facts as for the present-restrain the velocity of our imagination stuck upon the fly-paper of a discounted past.

Surrender one fact to me, says the transeen-dental observer, and I will solve for you a thousand delightful impossibilities.

125

Still if we could constrain our curiosoty to stick to
the object under afxxxiiiikn observation without wander -
ing above, and about, and around; we should find out
even less about it than we come to do on this loose -
kyxxxprkxinnad itinerary.

Our present reality is a phenomenal foam from a k
wave that breaking in patterns upon the shores of our
consciousness makes maps for our intellectual location.
A chart of fact; measure it up, propagate it V!

But this effervescent frill is sinking all out of
shape as another diagram of foam froth is thrown
off the ceaseless ocean.

Let us readjust our minds, as a new contour for
reality spread out before the secretive creative
operation.

Ask for the plan of a new era; coloured in the
latest psychology .!

144

" Look at this lovely figure by Alma Tadema - the
basket of bluebell on her head you can see every pe-
tal."

She cannot even do so; only little ill-calculated km
touches of two tones of blue.

One of his friends is an art editor who buys
pictures from the royal academy for reproduction in pho-
togravure; when he has finished with them he sells them
to Israels reduced in price, and it is an awful thin
on entering the front-door to encounter an academic cab
bage, just as the Blessed Damozel is about to lean out
" from the golden bar of heaven" - - -

So Goy bound helpless to that pre-raphaelite
tree with the two large leaves, is bare of all protec-
tion to the shafts of sarcasm.

The artist as butt to the bourgeoise is a
popular figure in the nineties, and just as mardydom
was instituted as a pastime for the crowd, Goy may
congratulate herself that the only laughter ever heard in
that disheartened home is raised by herself.

For the jew who so often is complemented by gentiles
when anxious for 'a good tip', on doing everything
superbly if he does it at all, has, when he has one
at all, a perfect figure.

Such a jew is Israels and moreover fittingly attired,
- - he has discovered some unnessecary creases about the
rolling hips of her idol in the etched portrait pre-
facing his works.

Dante didn't know how to dress X!