LOW-LIFE:
OR
One HALF of the WORLD,
Knows not how
The Other HALF Live,

Being a Critical ACCOUNT of
What is transacted by People of almost all RELIGIONS, NATIONS,
CIRCUMSTANCES, and Sizes of UNDERSTANDING, in the

TWENTY-FOUR HOURS,

BETWEEN
SATURDAY-NIGHTandMONDAY-MORNING.

In a true Description of a
SUNDAY,

As it is usually spent within the Bills of MORTALITY.
Calculated for the Twenty-first of JUNE.

With an ADDRESS to the ingenious and ingenuous
Mr. HOGARTH.

— Let FANCY guest the rest. —

BUCKINGHAM.

The THIRD EDITION.

LONDON:
Printed for JOHN LEVER, at Little Moorgate, next London
Wall, near Moorfields, 1764.

[Price One Shilling and Six-pence.]

## INTRODUCTION.

AFTER a recluse life, devoted to contemplation, and as it were swallowed up in study, and the dull investigation of obscure points, for many years, in a little country hovel, curiosity prompted me to visit that epitome of the world, the famous and renowned city of London. Here such a variety of objects at once prefented themselves to my view, as almost confounded my very faculties of seeing and hearing, and so perplexed my imagination, that I appeared to myself as translated into another species of being—From an uninterrupted tranquillity in my little rural dwelling, I was surrounded with an inceffant din of cries, and the eternal rattling of carriages; and being accustomed to a flouching ruftic gait, had much difficulty to walk the streets without being pushed down

## INTRODUCTION

ix

was under a necessity of rebuking him in terms to this import: " You have attained a very considerable degree of knowledge in words; I therefore now advise you to apply to the study of things, " for let me aflure you, young Sir, that " without that, you can at best be deemed but a book-worm." With respect to myself, when I began to reflect and account for the many years I had spent in turning over books from the cumbrous folio to the convenient duodecimo, I found that all my diligent enquiries into the conjectures and opinions of our wife ancestors, amounted to an important nothing, and that I had yet even not entered upon the born-book of life. This conviction greatly abated my former conceit, and put me on a resolution of abandoning the muſt notions I contracted from an entire devotion to the antiquated ſytems of our elaborate forefathers, in order to pave the way for my becoming a man of the preſent age, and appearing like a being of common fenſe. Having thus quitted those dry ſtudies, and thrown off the formalities to which I had long been accuſtomed, I fet myself moſt attentively to obſerve the various occurrences that are incidental to the fluctuating

INTRODUCTION.

ing state of human life, which is dif-
played with such peculiar force and per-
picuity in this great metropolis. Nor
has my labour been entirely loft; for
through the affiiance of a very candid
and fenible friend, I have made a tole-
rable progres, as I hope will appear
in the following sheets, which are not
designed for entertainment alone, but
also infruuction, especially to the younger
part of mankind, who are most liable to
be impreſsed by erroneous opinion,
ſeduced by artful ſtratagem, and influ-
enced by bad example.

It is very common when a new book
is offered to the public, to enquire into
the name and character of the author,
and from thence to frame an opinion of
its merit; but as I arrogate to myself
very little, this attempt will be anonymous,
and I ſhall only ſay to my cuſtomers, taſte
and try, depending for ſucceſs on their
candour, which I expeſt in common
with any other adventurer in the exten-
five fields of human literature.

I am conscious that some may deem a
plan of this nature uſeleſs and unneceſſary,
as there is already a book well known by
the title of the *London Spy*; but all ob-
jections to our prefent undertaking muſt
vanifh,

## INTRODUCTION. xi

vanish, when it is considered that most
of the customs alluded to in it, are now
entirely out of date, not so much as
known; and farther, that many scenes
will be described in the latter, that had
not taken place in those earlier days; ef-
pecially as I shall confine myself to the
reigning modes, opinions, and practices
of the present age.

Though I would by no means depreciate the labours of others, I must in justice to myself observe, that the plan I have adopted is by far more extensive than any hitherto attempted: there are indeed besides the *London Spy*, the *Invisible Spy*, and the *Midnight Spy*; but the two latter are extremely defective; the one confined to a very few subjects, and the other chiefly referring to scenes transacted by night: now as I shall comprise the whole twenty-four hours, I shall have greater scope, and consequently be able to furnish the reader with greater variety. The utmost impartiality will be observed in the various descriptions, and the characters will be marked so strongly, that persons of common understanding cannot fail to discern them. To gratify the curiosity of the country readers, in the course of things will be given concise

xii INTRODUCTION.

concise accounts of the principal edifices
in this metropolis, together with the con-
duct of the theatres, and all places of pub-
lic diversion.—In a word, the great ob-
ject of my attention will be to describe
the prefent state of London, to remark
morally and humorously on the moft
striking subjects, and to place men and
things in fuch a view as may conduce to
the satisfaction and advantage of thofe
who ſhall deign to favour this work with
their ſanction and encouragement.

PART

Yestterday the three Male factors mentioned in our former were executed at Tyburn; Roberts for dimensioning the Coln, and Bridge for the Murder of his Wife, behav'd in a Manner becoming Perfons under such melancholy Circumstances; but Broderick, the Poft-Boy, was so ignorant of all moral as well as religious Principles, that he feem'd to differ from a Brute only in Shape and Organs of Speech; and was so void of Concern for his deplorable State, and thoughtles of Repentance, that when the proper Officer, after his Irons were knock'd off, was haltering him in Newgate, he fald to him, you feem to be very dextrous at your Buffets but if I had you elfewhere I'd shake you to your Heart's Content.

Tyburn was bung with Women's Thread and Cotton Gloves, to disgrace the wearing of them; the Stocking Weavers enroaching on the Glove in this Branch of Trade.

This was the last of a series of lectures on the subject.

On Thursday the Conftables of the Parish of St. Martin's in the Fields, by Vittue of a Warrant on an Information before B. Cox, Esq.; went to the Houſe of one Noon in the Strand, who keeps a Linen-Draper's Shop in the Day, and opens the fame Houſe as a Tavern at Night, and took the fald Noon, his two Waiters, and several lewd Women, and carried them to the Watch-houſe for that Night, and the next Morning they were taken and examined before Jufice Cox, when Noon found Sureties to appear at the Sefions, where he will be profecuted at the Expence of the Parifh, and the two Waiters and Women were committed to Clerkenwell Bridewell to hard Labour for a Month.

This Day Egan and Salmon food on the Pillory in West-Smithfield. The former foon received fo much Hurt as to caufe his Death; and the latter, tho' he eſcap'd alive, 'twas thought would not survive the Night.

On Thursday Morning his Royal Highneſts the Duke of Cumberland made a general Review, near Lewes, of the Troops in the County of Suffolk.

This Day arrived the Paris A-la-main, by which we hear that laſt Thursday the Deputies of the Parliament were to wait on the King at Verſailles for an Anſwer relating to the Affair between them and the Grand Council; and that the Nobles, &c. had prefented a ſecond Requeſt for that Purpofe.

This Day about Twelve at Noon a Mad Ox forced into the Royal Exchange, which occafioned a great Conſternation among the Merchants, but we don't hear of any Mifchief done.

Yestterday Berry and Macdaniel, two of the Thief-takers, were carried from Newgate (Macdaniel being handcuffed) and at Twelve o'Clock put into the Pillory, oppofite Hatton-garden, Holborn. The Sheriff attended with his Officers and a great Number of Conftables. The Mob continued pelting the two Fellows, till it was ſuppofed they were both dead. At One they were taken down ſpeechlets, and carried back to Newgate in the fame Cart that brought them. Berry, who was weak when he was put in, will ſcarce live to ſtand a ſecond Time; and, it is thought, a Wound Macdaniel received in his Forehead with a Stone will prove mortal. Such a Multitude of People was never known to be affembled on the like Occafion. A Woman was terribly gored by a Bullock, and almoſt trod to Death by the Mob; a Painter's Man was pufhy'd out of a Cart, had his Skull fractured, and was taken up ſpeechlets; ſeveral People were run over and hurt, and other Mifchief done. Two Pick-pockets being detected at the End of Fetter-lane, were ſo severely disciplined by the Populace, that they were ſcarce able to crawl away.

Among the Multitude of Villanies committed by Berry, the following we are affured is a Fact; a few Years since he hired a young Country Fellow out of Smithfield to go with two Horses to a Fair in order to fell them, promifing to meet him there, direfling he ſhould ride them through it to ſhow them. The poor Man ſuſpecting no Treachery, obeyed his Inſtructions, and as he was accordingly riding them, Berry and Macdaniel called to him, and asked how he came by them, ſwearing he had ſtole them, carried him before a Jufice, who committed him, and the Aſſizes beginning two Days after, he was tried, condemned, and executed, these Devils receiving the Price of his innocent Blood.

Thursday laſt one Mary Jenkins, who deals in old Clothes in Rags. Fair, fold a Pair of Breeches to a poor Woman for Seven-pence and a Pint of Beer. Whilft they were drinking at a Publick Houſe, the Purchaſer, in unripping the Breeches, found quilted in the Waitband eleven Guineas in Gold, Queen Anne's Coin, and a Thirty Pound Bank Note, dated in 1729; which laſt he did not know the Value of, till after he fold it for a Gallon of Two-penny Purl.

( 14 )

the summer season in rural now pur-
fued a different kind of amusement at the
theatres, balls, and masquerades—the pious
Sunday evening, routes of ladies grown so
fashionable as to despite the most solemn in-
junctions, were attended by crowds of digni-
fied vitilitants.

News, reports, suspicion, and conjecture,
flew with the utmost velocity from one quarter
of the town to the other, and every part of
this metropolis seemed to be in motion.—Par-
ties ran high, and almost every individual set
up for a politician—The state of the nation
was dispirited in every obscure alehouse, and a
man could scarcely maintain a neutrality with-
out the imputation of folly or fear.—Such
was the force of political madnees, that many,
abhorred in the affairs of the nation, neg-
lected their bufiness, and beggared themfelves
and their families; with this flender confo-
lation, that they had ruined themselves in
their country's caufe, and thereby transmitted
their names with honour to lateft pofterity.

Never was a period in which luxury and
diffipation more prevailed : new pleasures were
invented, new affemblies instituted, and every
species of diversion exhibited that could ener-
vate the minds, injure the property, or de-
roy the constitutions of mankind. Thus
diftraeted by party on the one hand, and
luxury on the other, it is not to be wondered
that afober season prefided so little over their
general conduct, which seemed to be influenced
solely by the prevalence of their several paffi-
ons and respective inclinations; nor, that so
little

( 17 )

dreading the consequences that might arise
from such an infatuated attachment, took an
opportunity at first of mildly reproving her;
which being wholly ineffectual, he found it
necessary to impose his commands, that she
would abandon several of her usual places of
refort, as she had neither years nor experience
sufficient to guard her against the temptations
to which the gaiety of what is called polite
life unavoidably expofed her.

As she was encouraged and abetted by the
mother in the unrestrained purfuit of her
wanton inclinations, she treated the remon-
frances of her father with a degree of petu-
lance; infomuch that the old gentleman,
justly incensed at her disobedience, as well as
concerned for the honour of his family, order-
ed her to be confined to her room the very
evening on which she was to have been pre-
fent at one of those fashionable assemblies held
at a celebrated place near Soho.

This restraint, laid upon a daughter whose
turn for levity and gay circles of admirers
had greatly fed the vanity of a libertine mo-
ther, proved the source of much future dif-
content in the family, and gave rife to a con-
verfation at which my friend and I happened
to be present. It is to be obferved, that the
frisk'd intimacy subfited between Mentor and
Goodwill, the father, so that he was made
acquainted with his moſt interesting concerns,
and solicited for his advice upon every occafion
of importance.

It appeared from the sequel, that they had
entered on their altercations previous to our

arrival,

( 19 )

“ daughter; but you may depend upon it that
“ I am roused from my former inactive flate,
“ and that I will take such measures as are
“ necessary to secure my property, however my
“ honour may be in danger.”

Mrs. Goodwill. “Liberties! ha! ha! ha! what do you mean by liberties, good Sir? Do I take more liberties than any other woman of taste and spirit? I give you your way, and have a right to take my own; and, as to your property, let me tell you, that if you deny me what is necessary to keep up the appearance I have always been used to, I shall take such measures that you shall foreely repent your niggardly behaviour to the day of your death. As to the girl, she’s a girl of spirit, and I won’t suffer her to be checked and curbed upon every trifling occasion.”

Mr. Goodwill. “What! do you threaten me, Madam? They may well say, Evil communication corrupts good manners. You have caught the contagion, the epidemical disorder of the weft part of the town: you would retaliate the necessary restraint laid on your luxury and flameful gratifications, at the expence of your own honour and that of your family. But know, ungrateful, diflingenuous woman, I banish you from my affections; and, as I now think you bafe enough to violate the most sacred ties, am prepared to meet the greatest injury you can do me.”

Mrs. “Indeed, Sir, I think my mama’s in the right. I assure you, if I was married to-morrow,

( 20 )

" to-morrow, to a man who would not allow
" me the liberties that women of tafe and
" figure have a right to expect, I should no
" longer confider him as a hufband, but think
" I had a right to do as feveral ladies of the
" first fashion have done before me: nay, lady
" Harriet Hairbrain told me I had."

Mrs. Goodwill. " Hufh, child, you go too
" far, you muft not mind all lady Harriet fays,
" becaufe ſhe has aſted that part ſhe would
" willingly draw in others, in order to keep
" herſelf in countenance; beſides, if your
" diſpoſition was known, it might hinder you
" from a good match: and a woman of ſenſe
" will always affect virtue beforehand, whether
" ſhe has it or not."

Mr. Goodwill. " Truce, madam, with your
" witty remarks, and you, mifs, with your
" impertinence."

Mrs. Goodwill. " What I faid, I'll ſay
" again, and ſtand to it when I have done,
" for all your mighty paſſion; for I would have
" you to know, that I am as great an advo-
" cate for perſonal, as you are for national
" liberty."

Mr. Goodwill. " You would, then, confound
" the order of things, and counteract all laws,
" human and divine, which allow precedence
" to the hufband, and inculcate obedience on
" the part of the wife?"

Mrs. Goodwill. " Whatever precedence,
" as you call it, you may pretend to, or any
" of your ſex, I am determined (and I with
" all women would follow my example) to
" ſtand up for the right of my own. Before
" you

{ 22 }

“ right to the superintendence of the conduct
“ of my child; and, from this day, shall take
“ her under my immediate inspection and
“ guidance.”

Mrs. Goodwill. “I am going to pay a
“ visit to Lady Fanny Frolick before dinner,
“ and shall take your resolutions into con-
“ fideration, and give you an answer when I
“ am at leisure.”

This said, the accomplished lady bounced
out of the room, deferring her promising
daughter to follow her; but mifs was de-
tained by her father, who infited on his claim
of directing every measure of her future con-
duct.

As this vehement debate referred solely to
family affairs, my friend and I attended to it
without putting in a single word, though we
could not hear the perverseefs of the lady,
and the impertinence of mifs, without juft
contempt and difdain. A man of Mr. Good-
will's ingenuous dispoſition could not but be
affected at such an event, especially as he had
entertained the fincereſt affection for the delin-
quent parties: in the fulneſs of his heart,
therefore, he thus exclaimed; "Accurſed
" proof of the almoſt irreſtible power of bad
" example, which in this profligate age can
" even fanſtify vice, and confecrate a crime;
" for ſo hardened are the abandoned great,
" and ſo dead to all remorſe, that thinking
" their rank places them above the cognizance
" of the little world, they dare bid dehance to
" law, ſpurn at juſtice, and impiouſly violate
" the very injunctions they have been a means

“ of

{ 23 }

" laying upon others. But this proves the
" old maxim, That the law-makers are moft
" frequently the law-breakers."

As the candid Mentor found his friend
much disconcerted, and therefore not dispoed
for that entertaining discourfe which they were
wont mutually to enjoy, we took our leave ;
and, as we pafled along, I could not avoid
making some trifling obfervations on what
had happened.

It would certainly redound much to the
honour and intereft of mankind, if perſons
would confine themſelves to their proper ſphere
of life, and not ambitiously afpire at what
neither nature nor fortune could deſign for
them. But, above all, nothing is ſo truly
despicable as an implicit and ſervile imitation
of the vices and follies of others, becauſe they
are more affluent, or more dignified, than
ourſelves. Our nobility are the contemptible
apes of the French in all their fopperies and
ſuperfluities; and the trading part of our na-
tion as defpicably mimic the foolerles of the
great, forgetting that it is beneath the dignity
of a reaſonable being, to be a slave to cuſtom,
which is the law of fools alone.

CHAP.

{ 27 }

tenances, who seemed to take their cue for a
general fob; till at length he came to de-
nounce, with a strong emphasis, thofe favour-
rite terms of the fanatical tribe, Hell and
Damnation, when the major part discovered
as much horror in their faces as a school-boy
under the rod, or a criminal under the gal-
lows. Many well-difpofed perſons purchafed
his excellent poem, admiring the blind man's
memory, and the extraordinary abilities of the
pious penman.

We now entered the cathedral during the
time of flated ſervice. The iſtenſity of the
columns, together with the flatelineſs and
extent of the dome or cupola, filled me with
ſurprize and wonder; though I could not help
thinking with my friend, and ſeveral ingeni-
ous obſervers, that the ſize of the pillars
rather obſtructed the view, and took from
the general beauty and ſymmetry of the build-
ing.

As I defired to fee the choir, we entered that
elegant ſpot of devotion, which wanted no
ornament that could add becoming beauty, or
venerable decency, to ſo magnificent a ſtruc-
ture: upon the whole, it is ſo well compoſed
a part as to reflect great honour on human
art and induſtry, as well as in ſome meaſure
worthy the ſolemn deſign for which it was
inſtituted.

Service being over, we returned into the
body of this ſublime piece of architecture,
where we found peripatetics of every rank and
degree. While we were contemplating on the
amazing productions of human genius and

C. 2. labour.

( 34 )

nauseous stench influenced from this quarter, as if they took in and discharged all in the same place, which, together with the filthiness of their garb, rendered our stay hardly durable: however, curiosity urging, we determined, at the displeasure of our notes, which were most forely offended, to interrogate them a little. Notwithstanding the wretchedness of their situation, and the drudgery of their employment, they appeared as chearful as a cobler in his stall, or a jolly matron over the wash-tub. Their ages and dispositions were as various as their features: some hardly entered on their teens, which could not but raise our pity, that they bid so fair to get out of the world before they had well made their entrance on it. Some so emaciated with age and disease, that one would imagine the very power of finning had left them: others in the very prime of life and meridian of beauty; that every admirer of the sex could not but lament that such charms should be so profituted; or to use the words of a celebrated dramatic poet,

—That such a heav’nly face
Should bargain with the devil to damn her wretched race.

From a desire to know if there remained the least resemblance of honesty or modesty amongst them, I observed to one of them, that it was a great pity so fine a woman should be brought to such ignominious punishment; and demanded, whether it did not affect her with shame and concern?

Her

( 35 )

Her only reply was, “Do you want a bit,
“Sir, what do you think of me? Why real-
“ly, said I, I cannot see you in this flate
“without concern, but if you had not de-
“ferved it, I imagine you would not have
“been here. She replied, upon her word, as
“she was a woman of honour, that she was
“married to an old curmudgeon, who could
“only teaze her, and raife paffions that she
“could not lay; and therefore thinking herself
“entitled by the law of nature to hire a deputy
“to perform his duty, she had paid his wages
“out of the hufband’s coffers; which occa-
“fioning a quarrel, she gave him a drubbing;
“in confequence of which she was taken
“before the fitting alderman, who committed
“her to this place.” Being diſufted with
the effrontery and ſhameleſs behaviour of theſe
abandoned wretches, who were dead to every
fentiment of grace or modeſtly, we took our
departure from this ſcene, and proceeded far-
ther to examine into the particulars of the
place.

In an outer court we obſerved a number of
lads affembled to fee two combatants warmly
engaged with ſtout oak flicks, at a game called
cudgelling. As I obſerved them all in a livery,
I naturally imagined that they were put out
by ſome charitable inflitution, which opinion
was ſoon confirmed by my friend, who in-
formed me that this foundation was of ancient
date, but, like all others, liable to perverſion.

As bad examples are generally more power-
ful than good, he obſerved, that the younger
were too frequently corrupted by the elder,
who

( 35 )

who would compel them to practise the vices
they followed themselves, infomuch that fre-
quent riots had enfued, and many outrages
been committed, by thefe youths; who being
in general inured to the difcipline of the flick,
would often fally out in parties, affront and
moleft paffengers in the street, ſtand bullies
for the ftrumpets that parade the highway,
and wantonly practise all manner of enormi-
ties, relying on their numbers, and their great
dexterity in the art of cudgelling. However,
through the care of the governors to detect
and bring offenders to punishment, complaints
of their ill behaviour are not ſo frequent as
formerly.

As we were about to make our exit, a
decent-looking young man paffed us, with a
log chained to his right leg, which he drag-
ged about with as much reluctance as a horſe
of ſpirit, when foundered, does a fand-cart, or
a jack-afs, by nature indolent, a pair of pan-
niers. From his habit and appearance, he
feemed to have reſponſible friends, and to have
been educated with a degree of decency. Stop-
ping him therefore at the pump, the produce
of which was his sole liquor, I could not with-
ſtand a ſtrong propensity to enquire into his
situation and circumftances. He informed me
with a dejeſted countenance, and melancholy
tone, that he was committed in conſequence
of the proſecution of a rigid maſler, on ac-
count of his having flaid out of his houſe only
one night: that he was a packer by trade,
and had ſerved a miferly old fellow near ſix
years with diligence and fidelity. This cur-
mudgeon,

( 41 )

there is fear of an hour from nine in the morn-
ing till ten or eleven at night, but you will
meet with ladies on this spot, of all fizes,
prices, ranks, shape, and complexions; fome
ready to receive, fome to confer favours, but
all from different motives, exceedingly kind
and obliging.

Returning, at my request, to our former
walk upon the pavement, my friend informed
me that there were many people parading about
this place to pafs away time, whole characters
were well worth my notice and obfervation.
Pray, said I, who are thofe two perfons, with
meagre faces and dejected looks, and yet appear
fomething like gentlemen, that are walking up
and down as furly as if they were at war with
all mankind. They are two very unhappy
companions, anfwered my guide, who want-
ing conduct and experience in their earlier
days, were tricked out of their fortunes by
gamblers, fpungers, whores, and brothel-
keepers, and are now confulting together on
the means of procuring a dinner, and may
probably be waiting the rencounter of fome
old acquaintance from whom they expeſt the
loan, or rather gratuity, of a folitary ſhilling,
which they will perhaps receive with a ſtern
reproof for their paf t mifeconduſt, as well as
utmoſt reluctance on the part of the donor.
Obſerve, continued Mentor, that jovial clan
of ſmart blades walking under the trees. I
know ſeveral of their faces, they are notorious
town ſharpers, many of whom, having been
gulled out of their fortunes by fome of their
own fraternity, lifted through neceſſity, into
that

( 46 )

immediately to ffeath it in his traiterous breast,
unlefs on his knees he confefled his crime,
fupplicated her pardon, and promised never
more to pollute her name with his unhallowed
lips. Paddy, concerned for a life so precious
to himself at least, if not to the world, with
trembling knees, and faultering accent, made
full and frank confection, begged for mercy,
promised acquifcence in every title, and took
himfelf down without counting the stairs.
This circumftance gave me great pleasure, and
induced me moft fincere ly to with that every
confound of the like kind might be treated in
the like manner, fo that others might be
deterred from ſacrificing a virtuous character
to their infolence and vanity.

The next object to which my friend direct-
ed my attention, was a perſon poring over a
pamphlet, we afterwards found to be one of
the Monthly Reviews; but it ſoon appeared
from his converſation, that he had not one
requifite for judging of the merits of any lite-
rary production, though he was damning
authors by wholeſale, as if ſeverity, and not
candour, was the genuine teſt of taſte and
learning. His library it ſeems was well furnilh-
ed with books, of which our critic knew no
more than the title pages, and the whole of his
difcourſe was mere common-place ſtuff which
he generally miſconſtrued or miſapplied. It
would be well, obſerved the ſage Mentor, if
theſe upflarts would apply to the firſt princi-
ples of erudition, before they arrogate to them-
felves a right of judgment; and alſo if the
duly qualified would judge for themſelves, and
not

( 49 )

polite part of mankind, in the vocal way.
He is defcended from obfure parents in Italy,
being bred to muſic, the chief study and pur-
fuit of the inhabitants of that part of the world,
he came over to England to try his talents, where
having ſucceded to his utmoſt wifhes, he cuts
the figure in which you now behold him; he
has made the tour of Great Britain and Ireland;
and fuch is the depravity of the reigning taſte,
that this apology for a man, through the charm
of found, has as many admirers as the firſt
aſtors, and particularly amongſt the female
world, by which he has been almoſt deſicd.
Here I could not forbear interrupting my friend,
by expreſſing my wonder at his univerſal
reception among the ladies; as his excellence
in one point could not, I should imagine, make
up for his defect in another. You may wonder,
faid Mentor, but you will wonder more, when
I inform you that this piece of neutrality,
neither male nor female, has charmed into the
married ſtate a very fine woman, with a con-
fiderable fortune.

This relation flruck me with aftonihment
and indignation, and I could hardly refrain the
moſt vehement exclamations, till I was given to
underſtand, that theſe mutilated ſellows were
objeſts of choice to ſome wanton laſcivious
meſſalinas, as being deprived of thoſe appurte-
nances which cauſe the moſt exquifite ſenſations,
and bring on a temporary languor; they can
keep the field in one regular ſeries of action,
and never decline the encounter till they have
the word of command, ſo that they are better
adapted to gratify the inordinate craving of
thoſe

( 50 )

those rank beldams. They are also extremely
convenient for those precocious ladies of such
extraordinary mock modefty, that are mightily
concerned for their virtuous reputation; as
they can indulge their little wanton fallies
without running the danger of any disagreeable
consequences.

Now, continued Mentor, you will not wonder
at the splendid appearance of that THING,
since you find he follows more trades than one,
and particularly, that he lets out a machine to
the ladies, that is convenient for their particu-
lar purposes. I begin now to reconcile these
matters that at first appeared so very strange,
faid I, since you have given me to understand
that an empty purse in one part frequently
procures a full one in another; and that the
itch of whoredom is so general, that it is re-
strained more abundantly through fear than
from principle.

I moved for our departure, having several
other places to visit before dinner, but my
friend inflected on my flaying while he defcanted
a little on a character that fat in the opposite
box. That, fays he, is a young heir just come
to his estate, which is very considerable.

During his refidence at College, he was
placed under the discipline of a very severe
tutor, till about twelve months ago he received
the joyful news of his father's death, which was
as agreeable a furprize to young Hair-brain,
as a father's propofing a brisk young fellow as
a match for a buxom lafs of twenty, that fights
for a husband. He was no sooner equipped
with the weeds, than he burft out of the college
gates,

( 69 )

Our observations on this place were fudden-
ly interrupted by a vehement debate between
two very vociferous gentlemen at the upper end
of the room, and as they were as particular as
the subject of their dispute, they could not but
excite the attention of the company in general.
The contention seemed to have riven from one
of the disputants having attempted to point out
the absurdity of commemorating the thirtieth
day of January, under the notion of the mar-
tyrdom of King Charles I. McSheane, from
the North of Ireland (as we were informed)
had been railing against the whole race of the
Stuarts, and justifying the beheading of the
unfortunate Charles in the warmest terms;
till Macgregor of the county of Perth, incensed
at the infault offered to his countryman, secret-
ly reprimanded the Irishman, and a very odd
dialogue enfused to the following effect :

M'Gregor. Is nae wonder at the liberty ya
tak in these days of licentiousness, with the
memory of a deceased sovereign, when ye have
the hardness to infult those that are living ;
'gin I was in power, I would mack ye aw smart
for it.

M'Sheone. By my troth honey M'Gregor,
I don't value it a rap, whether they be living
or dead, I'm a liberty boy all over fo I am, and
I'd spill the laft drop of my blood, before I'd
yield to flavery; and I'd cut off any body's head
before they should rob me of my freedom or
my money.

M'Gregor. The true language of a diffolute
Irishman. I ken the depolition of a Dublin mob;
they will flick at naething to carry on their riotous
intentions.

( 70 )

intentions. Indeed your grand folks are aw-
moft as bad as the smaw. You'r awmoft as
abufive in your fenate as in your markets, and
therefore I think it muckle prudent that prero-
gative has been exerted, to ftop the mouths of
libertines and authors of fedition.

M'Sheane. By Jafus a true born Irifhman
will always speak his mind, whether he knows
it or not. If your North Britons are taught
to cringe and ferape to them that have got a
little more money than themfelves, ne'er a Boot
in the nation can humble the true Hibernian
spirits, which has lately been shewn amongst
the great and the little. You may ftop our
mouths one way, but we'll taze you fo we will,
another.

M'Gregor. I ken by your language you have
nae religion nor loyalty at aw, and I don't de-
fire to hold difcourfe with fich an abandoned
mon; I revere my prince and his wife counfel-
lours, and I cannot conceive that the common
folk have any right to prie into the intricacies
of state.

M'Sheane. Arrah by my faith, I think I
have more religion than you, in not pretend-
ing to have any at all at all; and as to loyalty,
I'd serve my king and country dead or alive. I
love my prince as much as I despife the raps
about him; and I'd no more value cutting the
throat of a tyrant or a traitor, than paring a po-
tatoe; and fo Mr. M'Gregor I'm your moft
obedient humble fervint.

Thus I spake the hardy Hibernian and took
his departure, leaving the Scotchman to chew
on what had paffed; we could not but admire the
honest

{ 76 }

endeavoured to impose himself on the world,
and heartily despying his principles and prac-
tices, we threw him down a piece of money,
quitted his premifles, and proceeded down
Ludgate-hill; at the bottom of which, I liped
incribed on a houe near three fory high in
moft legible characters, thefe words, PRO
BONO PUBLICO.

At fift, I could not divine the defign; and
being juſt Latinifh enough to underſand their
literal meaning, I aſked my companion if that
houſe was open to all paffers-by, who might be
fatigued, or could not furnifh themſelves with
lodgings upon a pinch.

Mentor, failing at my ignorance, defired I
would obſerve the ſequel, which would ſuffici-
ently point out the patriotism of the landlord,
and the defign of the houſe. I read on, and
could not withſtand a ſtrong inclination to enter
the tenement of ſo extraordinary a perſon, who
had heightened the quality and reduced the
price of an exhilarating liquor, which, if com-
pofed of good ingredients, and prepared with
kill and judgment, exceeds all the ſimple por-
tables in the univerſe.

Mentor complied with my defire, and requeſt-
ing me to name my favourite liquor, we called
for ſome good Batavian juice, and made a bowl
of humming ſtuff, worthy the moſt jovial vota-
ry of the jolly god. As we were quaffing our
neſtar, my friend defcanted very agreeably on
feveral of the company, whose peculiarities and
good and bad qualities were known to him,
through a long courſe of experience and obfer-
vation. Mark (faſd he) that formal ſellow
poring

( 77 )

poring over a news-paper; he has run through
a variety of profeſions, ſuch as merchant,
brewer, lawyer, &c. without ſucceſs; ſo that
failing in all, he has at length, from a propen-
fity to try his wit, turned ſharper. Having ob-
tained the rules and taken care to make ſome
referve, he lives in ſecurity, and laughs at his
creditors.

That disconſolate wretch, whose counte-
nance indicates the horror of his mind, is de-
ſcended from an ancient and honourable family,
and was born to a plenteous fortune; but be-
ing ſeduced in the younger part of his life by
a company of gamblers, he was robbed of his
money, thrown into jail, and is now obliged
to live on a ſolitary annuity of thirty pounds,
bequeathed him by a charitable relative to keep
him from ſtaring. Pray (fays I to my friend)
do you know what employment that talkative
genius follows.

It is difficult to determine (replies Mentor;) we must rank him with those who are said to live nobody knows how; some of whom are to be found in every ſeffions-paper. The perſon he is converſing with is a news-hunter, inven-
tor of domeſtic reports, an occaſional fabrica-
tor of paragraphs. He is a moſt ingenious gen-
tleman, and extremely handy to proprietors of
news-papers; as through the ſecundity of his
imagination and the afſiduity of his applica-
tions, they never want matter to ſupply their
diurnal ſheets, and he is as happy in making
news, as he is indefatigable in the inveſtigation
of it. When our bowl was out, we ſalied
forth; and the evening being fair and remark-
ably

ably

{ 81 }

generally compoſed of, what we term in our
maritime phraſe, lubbers, ragamuffins that are
neither failors nor foldiers, and of no use on
board a veſſel, unleſs it be to confume the
king's proviſions;—but I crave your patience
while I place theſe oppoſite characters in their
true light, which I ſhall do by reciting a few
lines written by a youth, a midſhipman on
board one of his majeſty's ſhips, which I had
the honour to command during the late war."

A bold Englifh tar, to his country true,
At his quarters will faithfully ſtand ;

A ſtranger to fear when the foe is in view,
Nor diſmay'd, or by ſea, or by land.

A lubber, alarm'd at the found of a gun,
Struck with tremor will ſtand all aghaſt ;

The poſt of his honour he'll daſtardly ſun,
For ſecurity ſkulk to the mait.

When billows ſhall bellow, and ſurges ſhall
rife,
And the boatſwain, "All hands!" ſhall ex-
claim;

Jack Tar to the top-maſt intrepidly flies,
To ſecure both his ſhip and his fame.

While the lubber, appall'd at the roar of a wave,
Muſt be rally'd with oaths and rattan ;

For all his concern's his dear carcaſe to ſave,
Tho' it claims not the name of a man.

CHAP.

( 104 )

dience. As our time was precious, we did
not fit the whole play, but called a coach at
the end of the third act, and pofted away to the
opera house, in order to fee a different species
of theatrical entertainment. Here we were
rather appalled than diverted; the muſic was
certainly very fine, both in the vocal and in-
strumental way; but with respect to ſenſe and
meaning, to us, they might as well have ſung
ſol fa, &c. as the words they ſo unintelligibly
warbled to the fineſt airs of the moſt eminent
compoſers. It is aſtoniſhing that theſe opera-
tical gentry pay no attention to the dialogue
of their pieces; but are ſo notoriously imper-
fect, as not to be able to proceed from line to
line, till previously repeated by the prompter,
in a tone audible to the whole house. Not-
withstanding theſe flagrant defects, a number
of infolent exotics are ſupported at an immenſe
expence, and ſeveral have had the preſumptive
eſſrontery, to reſufe ſalaries equal to the whole
revenue of ſome of their own indigent princes.
Though it has long been the fashion to extol
theſe creatures, who ſeem to be of neither ſex,
(faid the ingenuous Mentor) I never could
difcern in any of them the manly ſignificance
of a Beard, or the charaſteriſtical action of a
Vernon; qualities which in my opinion will
ever preponderate all that can be effected by
mere ſound; as it is as effential in ſinging to
reach the heart by expression, as to charm the
car by melody. The arts and ſciences, con-
tinued my ſage friend, are now arrived to a
degree of perſection in our own country, and
it

( 121 )

an opportunity of seeing the dark side of man-
kind, and exploring those passions which at all
other times they industriously labour to con-
ceal. When reason is lulled by liquor, in
proportion as passion is excited; when every
refrain is cast off, and absolute libertinism
indulged; then you will behold how human
nature may be debased, and what a monster
man, who claims predominance over the crea-
tion, can make of himself; then you will be
convinced, that in general we are but tools to
our passions and flaves to our lufts, which are
too univerally the springs and motives of our
actions.

We had now reached the spot just pointed out, and
were conducted into a large and elegant room,
commodiously laid out, and furnished with
every implement proper and neceffary for the
defigms and purpofes of the motley assembly
that flatedly frequent it. There were different
tables, where they were seeking to plunder
each other in different degrees; but the fame
unbounded eager defire was apparent in them
all.

As I was an entire stranger to scenes of this
nature, I submitted myself entirely to the
opinion and judgment of my fage friend, who
therefore took upon him the lead, and having
feated ourfelves in the moft convenient part of
the room, Mentor thus lowly proceeded :—
Obferve that plodding old fellow who is
scratching his grey pate under his perriwig,
and indicating as much anxiety in his looks
for the fucceſs of his wager, as a criminal for
the

{ 146 }

sauft be confefled, that the fare is by no means contemptible, if it could be ferved up in a little more cleanly manner; the feent indeed is very powerful, and even pervaded the doors which were not yet open; but it feems that it is always prepared in the night, requiring much time to bring it to fuch a flate as not to require maſtication. While we were commenting on this favory food, two or three lank, meagre figures, popped out of a little alley, and being, as we found by their parting, defined to different places, and on different bufines, as many ceremonies and compliments paſled between them as if they had been courtiers of the beſt rank, though Mentor fhrewdly gueſled they were not above the degree of frizeurs or dancers; of which proſeffions, or rather callings, ſome hundreds are annually imported; and they will increafe, ſo long as the infatuation of our countrymen for foreign ſervants and foreign commodities ridiculouſly prevails. Scarce had we proceeded ten paces, than we obſerved another of the fame exotic origin; but in a very different garb from the former: this gentleman was tricked out in lace and embroidery, and roſe at this early hour, it ſeemed, to ride down to a country boarding-school, where he officiated in quality of maître a dançon, & inſtruiteur dans les arts polies des ceremonies & des compliments. As envy and pride are inſeparable companions, we were informed by one of his countrymen who had been leſs ſuccesſul than himſelf, that he arrived from one of the provinces of France about

( 147 )

about two years ago, in as poor a plight as
himself; but being recommended by the fra-
ternity to the ballet-mafter of one of the
theatres, he had the art of ingratiating him-
felf by the means of lying, cringing, fawning
and flattering, together with a most liberal
manner of abufing the English performers as
clumfy *jeans fuitres* &c. and obtained the office
of figure-dancer; upon which he affumed the
title of *dancer au theatre-royale*, palmed a
school-mafter, and commenced teacher. His
arts still improving, his bufinesf encreafed,
and now he has the effrontery and ingratitude
(as we learned) to depſide the very hand that
railed him, and insolently to spurn at the very
nation which furnifhes him with the means of
living in luxury and splendour.

This, obferved Meator, is the general practice of theſe pampered ſoundrels; and while our countrymen are ſuch fools as to encourage them, they cannot treat them with too much contempt.

But while ſome were going on the buſineſs
of the day, others were returning from the
buſineſs of the night; for there are flated em-
ployments in this buſy ſcene of action by night
as well as by day. Theſe appeared, by their
downcaſt look and lounging gait, to be of that
claſs of gentry that are conſtantly upon the
look-out, that have bid adieu to decency and
honesty, bid defiance to Jack Ketch, and
have the gallantry to pick a pocket under the
gallows. This ſpot, Mentor informed me,
was a peculiar haunt for theſe officious mem-
bers.

N. 2.
bers.