THE GHOST OF THE BILL,

Okt. 1820

Eldon

London-dyie

Or, C-rlt-n Palace Haunted.

'T WAS midnight!—an awful beginning, you'll say—
That witching and ghost-breeding time!
Befitting my tale—for a ghost t'other day
(T'other night were more proper, I own, but I pray
Excuse it, I wanted a rhyme)—

Made its fearful appearance, and that in a place
Where Ghosts do not frequently come;

Though Spirits right often in bottle or case
Are conjur'd, and vanish away in an ace,—
Rack, Hollands, burnt-brandy, and rum.

The Council was call'd, C-RLT-N P—E the spot,
With the K—, so “good-looking and fat!”
There was C-STL—ON cold, and W— V P—E hot,
V-NS-TT—T and L—RP—L, “more yes than not,” †
And C—, g, ‡ that place-hunting rat:

Not forgetting L—D H—N, meek as a mouse,
And a voice very nearly as small;

The Doctor so mild, who would not kill a l—e,
And the K—g's Conscience Keeper, who govern'd the House,
And that with no conscience at all.

All these were assembled—all these and some more:
The candles were burnt to the socket;

The windows were fasten'd, and bolted the door,
And so still, you had heard a pill fall on the floor,
Had the Doctor dropt one from his pocket.

They spoke not a word—the discussion now flags,
For the Cabinet's quite in the dumps;—

C-STLE—ON shook his head,—the K—g whiskers wags,
Brazen C—, g's chap-fallen, and even Old Bags
Dumb-founder'd, as if he'd the mumps!

Ah! what could occasion this terrible pause,
This silence so solemn, alas?

“Twas the Bill of Divorce and Disgrace was the cause;
For the Doctor foretold they would throw out each clause,
And his words were, “the pill will not pass.”

No reply was attempted, but silent they sat,
Like the Council of stones at Stone-henge;

At length cried the Monarch, half choking with fat,
“Why C-STL—Gh, BAGS, what the deuce are you at,
Where's a K—g's and a C-CK-LO's revenge?”

Full fiercely he gaz'd on the fear-stricken rout,
Who shook in their shoes with dismay:

“You came into place but to bring it about, §

And since you have fail'd I will turn you all out:
Begone from my sight—hence—away!”

He said in a rage, and his foot was uprais'd,
Very near to the Cu—LOR's d—,

When they heard a low groan, and the party, amaz'd,
Beheld then how blucly the dim candles blaz'd,
As is usual when ill-spirits come.

Aghast they all stood—again they all heard

The groan, while approach did increase it—

They look'd on each other, but limb never stirr'd,
“Oh, my G—!” had the Cu—LOR said, but the word

In his dew-lappy *faucibus hæsit*.

They turn'd towards the door, and there their eyes meet
With a rueful and grim-looking ghost,

Stalking fearfully in from Parliament-street,

All cover'd with wounds, and as pale as a sheet
Of parchment could be when engross'd.

Two crutches supported its figure so drear,
Two props almost broken in pieces;

And as the wan spectre advanced to them near,

They saw one inscrib'd, “Ministerial fear,”
On the other was, Royal Caprices.”

“Degradation—Divorce” were mark'd on its forehead:
The Ghost to them all was well known:

They drew back in dismay from a vision so horrid,

V-NS-TT—T's sore eyes were the only thing florid,
And the K— slunk behind his own throne.

“Behold me, ye silly ones—mark me!” it cried, ¶
In accents vault-echoing hoarse;

“Behold all the wounds on my head—in my side—

Through all the defences you vainly applied
To protect your poor Bill of Divorce!

“Ah! see to my heart how fraud-hating GR-Y
His vigorous weapon home thrust:

Through here the bold sword of a L-XSD—N made way:

Noble H-LL-N struck here with impetuous sway,
Uproys'd in a struggle so just.

“But, ah! the deep cut—the unkindest of all,**
Honest Ensk—E indignantly gave:

Him once men the Pr—E's good angel would call,

Till the P—E from his friends and his honour did fall,
To be flatter'd and fool'd by a knave.

“Now see how the world will your folly deride,
And despise all your artifice too;

It knows the Green Bag is my substance inside,

Though cover'd with perjury, varnish'd with pride,
But as hollow as any of you!”

It spoke, and it vanish'd.—Before it was day
The K— to fair Windsor took post;

For in the same dwelling he rather would stay

Where his Father's vext spirit might wrathfully stray
Than again see this horrible Ghost.

* *Vide* MAJOCCHI'S re-cross-examination.

† *Quoted from Hone's Non mi ricordo.*

‡ This event took place before his Italian expedition,

§ *Vide* her MAJESTY's celebrated Letter to the KING.

|| *Virgil's Aeneid.*

¶ *Imitated from* “Alonzo and Imogene” of Monk Lewis.

** “For Brutus, as you know, was Cæsar's angel—
This was the most unkindest cut of all.”

Julius Caesar, A. 3. sc. 2.

Scott, Printer, Great New Street, Fetter Lane, London,

Okt. 1820