3.

BONIFACE Welcome, sir, you're welcome.

AIMWELL You're my landlord, I suppose?

BONIFACE Yes, sir. I'm old Will Boniface, pretty well known upon this road, one way and another.

AIMWELL Mr. Boniface, your servant.

BONIFACE Oh, sir! -- what will your honor please to drink?

AIMWELL I have heard your town of Litchfield famed for its ale. I think I'll taste that.

BONIFACE Sir, I have now in my cellar ten tun of the best ale in Staffordshire --

( He goes to the back of the stage and starts drawing the ale. Archer turns on the balcony.)

AIMWELL Well, well, -- gawking, staring, idling. Was ever man cursed with such a dolt? I wager this servant of mine has been telling you everything about me?

BONIFACE Not a word, your worship.

AIMWELL The dog blabs without prompting.

( Archer starts up the stairs to rejoin Daniel on the balcony.)

He's been telling you my name and now we can look for it in the gazettes. We might as well post it in Whitehall.

AIMWELL And I could swear he's told you what I keep in this strong box and we can expect the highwaymen tomorrow. God's faith I wonder I have the patience to keep the fellow in my service. There's a fellow landlord, if you bring him a dram or a coaxing wench, will tell everything he knows and a deal more. -- And, sirrah, go to the stables and see my horses well-rubbed. (Archer starts down the stairs) No, no, first carry my luggage to my room -- one would think the fellow had never seen service before, though he was be in a buttery and his father was hanged for miscounting spoons.

( Daniel and Archer disappear in the room on the balcony.)

So you're proud of your ale, landlord?

4.

BONIFACE
Aye, tis smooth as oil, sweet as milk, clear as amber,
and strong as brandy. It will be just sixteen years old
the fifth day of next March, old style.

AIMWELL
You're very exact, I find, in the age of your ale.

BONIFACE
As punctual, sir, as I am in the age of my children; for
my daughter Cherry that you saw just now, was born the week
before, and the first glass of it was drunk by my Lady
Bountiful, God bless her ladyship, who'd come to see my
poor to do what she could for her.

AIMWELL
Tis confounded strong.

BONIFACE
Strong? It must be so, or how should we be strong that
drink it?

AIMWELL
Who's that Lady Bountiful you mentioned?

BONIFACE
Od's my life, sir, we'll drink her health. -- My Lady
Bountiful is one of the best of women. Her second husband,
Sir Charles, left her worth a thousand pound year and I
believe she lays out half of it in charitable uses for the
good of her neighbors. She's very strong on doctoring,
y'know --

AIMWELL
She is?

BONIFACE
Aye, she cures rheumatisms, ruptures and broken shins in men;
greensickness, obstructions and convulsions in women; the
King's evil, whooping-cough, and chilblains in children.
In short, she has cured more people in and about Litchfield
within ten years than the doctors have killed in twenty --
that's a bold word.

AIMWELL
Has this Lady Bountiful a family of her own?

BONIFACE
She has a daughter that's called Dorinda by her second
husband, Sir Charles -- the finest woman in all our country
and the greatest fortune.

AIMWELL
Handsome, and a fortune! Surely, she's married.

BONIFACE
No, sir, though there many as would like to. Lady Bountiful
has a son, too, by her first husband Squire Sullen. If you
please, we'll drink his health!

AIMWELL
What sort of a man is he?

5.

BONIFACE Why, sir, the man's well enough. Says little, thinks less and does nothing at all, faith. But he's a man of great estate.

AIMWELL A sportsman, I suppose?

BONIFACE Yes, sir, he's a man of pleasure. He plays at whisk and smokes his pipe forty-eight together sometimes. But he's a ---- he wants it here, sir.

( Cherry comes along the balcony.)

There's my daughter now, sir. Cherry, is the lady comfortable now?

CHERRY (descending) We unlaced and she fell into a light sleep, but she kept starting up and calling for the militia, father, -- good day, sir -- she vows she'll raise a regiment and lead it herself, but I don't know the horse that can carry her.

BONIFACE Daughter, I was just telling this gentleman, - I don't know your name, sir?

AIMWELL Why, sir, I would not burden your memory with it.

BONIFACE No, sir. -- I was just telling this gentleman about young Squire Sullen.

CHERRY I wonder he is not here, sir, for he's never at home. He was here until three this morning and has broken all the windows in the tap-room for the tenth time.

BONIFACE Tis a fact, sir, he's never at home, though he married a fine lady from London t'other day -- if you please, sir, we'll drink her health, sir, -- Mrs. Sullen, and I warrant you we're not the first.

CHERRY Your servant, sir.

( Exit into the kitchen )

BONIFACE Aye, we have a power of fine ladies in town, but we've drunk to the finest. Now what will your worship please to have for supper?

( Archer appears on the balcony )

AIMWELL What have you got?

BONIFACE Sir, we have a delicate piece of beef in the pot.

6.

( Archer shakes his head vigorously)

AIMWELL I can't eat beef, landlord.

BONIFACE I have a pig at the fire.

( Archer again shakes his head.)

AIMWELL Let me see.

BONIFACE Please to bespeak something else. I have everything in the house.

( Archer mouth silently says: Veal )

AIMWELL Have you any veal.

BONIFACE Veal, sir? We had a delicate loin of veal Wednesday last.

AIMWELL Have you got any fish or wildfowl?

BONIFACE As for fish, truly, sir, we are an inland town and in-
differently provided with fish, that's the truth on't and
then for wildfowl, -- we have a delicate pair of rabbits.

( Archer nods )

AIMWELL Get me the rabbits fricased.

BONIFACE Fricaseed! Lord, sir, they'll eat much better smothered
with onions.

( Archer shakes his head )

AIMWELL Well, landlord, what you please, and when you're ready.

BONIFACE Yes, sir.

( Exit.)

AIMWELL So, Archer, welcome to Litchfield! Our adventure has
begun. Tell me, Jack, how feels it to be a servant?

ARCHER You gave me a deuced bad character.

AIMWELL I had to, Jack, i'faith, I had to. No one would believe
in your livery.

ARCHER Well, at our next post, at Nottingham, I shall be master
and you servant and you shall hear things.

8.

ARCHER
(CONT)
'em to retreat upon the least appearance of disadvantage or danger! For my part I can stick to my bottle while my wine, my company, and my reason hold good. I can be charmed with Sappho's surging without falling in love with her face. I love hunting, but would not, like Actaeon, be eaten by my own dogs. I love a fine house, but let another keep it and I love a fine woman, but let another keep her, too.

AIMWELL
Nay, what's that? Are we not out now to do our own keeping?

ARCHER
I swear to thee, Tom, I had clean forgot that. We had come into the country to be married.

AIMWELL
Why else, i'faith.

ARCHER
So we have. So we have.

AIMWELL
Why else are we servant and master and turn about? For our pleasure?

ARCHER
Thou art in the right of it, Tom, I clean forgot.

AIMWELL
I pray thee forget it not. We are in the country to find ourselves some rich heiresses and to marry them.

ARCHER
Clean forgot.

AIMWELL
Litchfield, Nottingham, Lincoln, Norwich.

ARCHER
But, lock'see, Tom, I'll marry no ugly heiress however rich she be. Her lips, must be red though they have ten thousand pound on 'em and her eyes must be bright with their own light as well as with the gold of the East India Company.

AIMWELL
No one is forcing you against your will, Jack. If there be no handsome heiresses you can go and fight for the Queen in Flanders and that's an end of it.

ARCHER
Well, in Litchfield I am only a servant and I do not have to instruct my eye to admire only a fortune. Jack, have you remarked the landlord's daughter; she has already given me a certain look of welcome to Litchfield.

AIMWELL
Faith, I am subject to a certain intermittent blindness and am unable to see three quarters of the country's population.

ARCHER
Tis best so, tis e'en best so, for she is my adventure

10.

CHERRY I know not.

BONIFACE You're a dolt. What is it that won't give his name and
will say nothing of his business? And that leaves this
box --

CHERRY A highwayman, father!

BONIFACE Ten to one, and this is some new-fetched booty of his. Now
could we find him out, the money were ours.

CHERRY He don't belong to our men.

BONIFACE And since he don't belong to our fraternity we may betray
him with a safe conscience. I don't think it lawful to
harbor any rogues but my own. Look 'ee, child, we must
go cunningly to work; proofs we must have. The gentleman's
servant loves drink, I'll ply him that way; and his master
says he's easily coaxed by a wench, -- you ply him that
way. Child, mind your business.

( Exit Boniface )

CHERRY What a rogue my father is! My father! I deny it. I have
lived with myself long enough to know that I am no daughter
of his. My mother was a good free-hearted generous woman;
I can't tell how far her good-natured extended for the
benefit of her children. This landlord of mine, for I
think I can call him no more, would betray his guest and
risk his daughter's honor. As for that fellow, I would
rather he were a highwayman than a footman, for if he be
a footman, he is as misbegotten as I am.

( She goes up the stairs and
knocks on Aimwell's door.)

Sir, your master's dinner's ready.

( Enter Archer. In the meantime,
Daniel has brought some
covered steaming plates and
placed them on the table below
and exit. Archer and Cherry
descend and during the follow-
ing, arrange for it to be
carried to Aimwell's room.)

ARCHER Friend, your knock startled me. I was thinking of you.

CHERRY Of me?

ARCHER From the minute I came in I have been considering in what
manner I should make love to you.

12.

ARCHER 'S death! You are a witch in every way. - Sir! Sir! Will you have the goodness to open the door. My hands are engaged! -- I shall be back later, my mistress, to exchange magics with you.

( Aimwell admits him to the room and he disappears)

( Enter Boniface)

BONIFACE Well, daughter, have you smoked him out?

CHERRY Pray, father, don't put me upon getting anything out of a man. I'm but young you know, father, and I don't understand wheedling.

BONIFACE Young! Why, you jade, can any woman wheedle that is not young. Your mother was useless at five and twenty. I tell you he is a highwayman, and ready to be hanged.

( Enter from the yard Gibbet now called Mr. Gloss.)

GLOSS Landlord! Landlord! Is the coast clear?

BONIFACE Oh, Mr. Gloss, what's the news?

GLOSS No matter, ask no question. Four little encounters on the road, all fair, square and honorable. Here, my dear Cherry, lay these with the rest. Two hundred sterling pounds. All fairly and honestly come by. No one interfered with, and the transactions closed friend to friend.

BONIFACE Aye, I think we have one of your recent friends in the house: a large woman, you might say --

GLOSS Yes, yes. A little misunderstanding at first, but she soon saw that my business with her was all straightforward and above board.

BONIFACE Aye, she hath had the convulsions the greater part of this hour and has been calling the militia, awake and asleep.

GLOSS Well, there's no explaining an unreasonable woman. Here are three wedding rings. Their owners begged me for them on their knees and, faith, I was moved to tears, though I do confess it.

BONIFACE But who had you the money from?

GLOSS Ah! Poor woman! I pitied her. I could half be vexed with you for recalling it to my mind. She had just eloped from her husband and was bound for Ireland, as hard as she could drive. She told me of her husband's barbarous usage and so I left her half a crown. God bless her! Here's a diamond

14.

BONIFACE Such a man would be a rogue, Mr. Gloss.

GLOSS The very word.

BONIFACE Look'ee, here comes the servant now, or the one that
calls himself the servant.

( Enter Archer above, combing
a periwig and singing)

GLOSS Here, Cherry, take my coat and secure these goods.
And you, Mr. Landlord, draw us some ale and leave me
alone with him. Good evening, sir.

ARCHER (descending) Good evening.

GLOSS Whose servant are you, sir?

ARCHER
Sir, I call this landlord to witness that my master has
so berated me for speaking out that I have resolved
henceforth to say not one word about him.

BONIFACE The gentleman says truly --

ARCHER
Yet not to be discourteous, I can say, well, that he
has good reason to require my silence, and that as to
his name ........I'll say no more.

GLOSS Indeed!

ARCHER
You have not asked me where he came from, and you have
not been so importunates to ask me where he is going,
but if I told you that, I' faith .... I'll say no more.

GLOSS
Sir, the landlord has drawn some ale for us. Will you
not have a glass with me. I am chaplain of the militia
here. My name is Gloss.

( Archer signals to Cherry,
who ignores him)

ARCHER
Why, thank you, sir. I was on the way to the kitchen
to ask this lady to join me in dinner.

BONIFACE
Twill be ready when you come. You'll have time for a
talk with Mr. Gloss. Come, Cherry.

( Exit Boniface and Cherry.)

GLOSS Your health, sir.

ARCHER
Your health, Mr. Gloss. I'm under no oath to conceal
my name, sir, which is Martin. -- Tis deuced strong.
There has been a hue and cry here for your militia, Mr.
Gloss. There were highwaymen on the roads today.

16.

ARCHER This is deuced strong, Mr. Gloss, deuced strong. --
I am very interested, sir.

GLOSS However, we might begin lightly until we know one
another better, so to speak. There's a piece of work
I have in mind where I'd need a quick intelligent
helper.

ARCHER Is that so?

GLOSS Hark'ee. There's a family in the neighborhood. An old
lady very well off and her son, the Squire, who's nothing
but a drunken oaf and would give us no trouble. There
are two fine women in the house, who could do no more
than scream. There's a deal of family plate that could
be melted, Mr. Martin, and I doubt not, a good amount
of money and jewels. I'm sorry to do it, as you might
say, for I'm a guest in the house, as chaplain of the
militia, upwards of twice a week. Would such a journey
interest you Mr. Martin, you have only to think it over
and give me a sign.

ARCHER I will. You have done me an honor, Mr. Gloss.

GLOSS (putting his arm around him) Now we'll go in and get
our dinner. No, you're no footman, Mr. Martin.

ARCHER And you, Mr. Gloss, -- what a chaplain, egad!

( They go out )