MELPOMENE IN THE DUMPS;
OR,
CHILD'S PLAY DEFENDED
BY
THEATRICAL MONARCHS.

THE DEBATE, OR ARGUMENT.

MELP—

AND pray, Mr. Monarch, how long am I to be confined
to this box fever, or nervous rheumatism in my loins? A
pretty business you have made of this season; what between
your Blind Bargain and Infant Roscius, you think to send me
to the ground; but let me caution you, that " if once I do
but stir or lift this arm, the best of you shall sink in my re-
buke. Give me to know how this foul rout began, who set
it on, and he that is approved in the offence, though he hath
twinned with me both at a birth, shall lose me."

FIRST MONARCH,

Why really, Madam, all I can say in my defence and
that of my infant is this, that if John Bull chooses to feed on
slink calf, instead of substantial roast beef, yet consents to
pay for the roast, it is not for me to complain; but, Madam,
should there be a fault laid to my charge, let me tell you,
it is not entirely mine; your brother here beside me has had
his share in it, and between friends, I must observe, that

infant fever and frigid weather cannot encourage you to
wear flannel, gird up your loins and rest contented on your
arm (I mean arms), I will be bound to say, you are not the
woman I took you for; and rather than be subject to such
complaints while I reign " king of shreds and patches," I
would forego the advantages of government, and " live on
scraps at proud mens' surly doors."

SECOND MONARCH,

Sister, be of comfort; our friend speaks home; you may
relish him more in the soldier than the scholar; but though
his oratory is bad, his argumentum argentum is good; his
voice, like mine, is husky; but his silver tones are delight-
ful. It is true we have both had our day, " our May of
life is gone; 'tis fallen into the scar; the yellow leaf and
-that which should accompany old age," we have got. " The
world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."
Public taste is similar, it is now in second childishness; and
when mere oblivion takes place, then you shall make a sally,
and should the Town require a flip* I will be at your elbow.

* My Lord Loggerhead spells physician with an F. hem! hem! —Doctor
Pangloss—Hir at Law.

11-D. N. Supey, Berwick Street, for ACKERMAN, 101, Strand.