EULOGY FOR FRANCOISE DE LA RENTA GIVEN AT MEMORIAL SERVICE

SEPTEMBER 13, 1983

HENRY A. KISSINGER

All of us here knew Francoise de la Renta as a
marvelously achieving lady. She had a practical, no-
nonsense appreciation for the realities of everyday
life. God knows she could cope with its complexities
and adversities. She was brilliantly successful in
all her efforts, as a designer, as an editor, as a
hostess.

But that is not why we mourn her so. Nor why
last June we disbelievingly had to come to grips with
the loneliness that her absence would spell for our
lives. We had almost taken for granted her sturdy,
matter-of-fact devotion, the many thoughtful signs of
her caring and her affection. We had become so used
to her glowing, warm and infectious laughter which
could set a whole room aglow with her joy in living,
her pride in her friends and her deep love of her
husband. She had seemed indestructible; her vitality
inexhaustible. I had known her for only a decade at
a stage in life when making truly new friends is so
rare that its occurrence is especially treasured. Our
friendship appeared only to have just started; now it
was already over.

In the Jewish tradition it is said that God
preserves the world because at any one point there
exists ten just men who do not know themselves that
they are just. I would like to believe that at any
one point there is a small number of men and women
who make our world beautiful without being particularly
conscious that this is their role.

Francoise was one of those. She would have turned
away a description of herself as possessing a matter-
of-fact grace with an embarrassed smile and a deprecatory
quip. The fact remains that she saw her friends through
the ambiguities and uncertainties of existence with her
earthy, infectious joie de vivre. Her whole being
exuded a conviction that there were human truths that
brooked no cynicism. An enemy of the trivial and the
second-rate, she would transcend temptations to self-
pity by the fiereness, the steadiness and the marvelous

-2-

loyalty of her devotion. Her friendship was unconditional; it implied no reciprocity.

Francoise was a woman of the world with few illusions, yet a profound faith. How many in this church would receive those little phone calls which conveyed that at critical times one was not alone, that someone shared in their achievements and suffered with their disappointments. Her affection was not without a romantic side. Deep down we all knew that her image of her friends was perhaps a shade exorbitant. Thus, she uplifted us, for to live up to her image of us we were obliged to be just a touch more polite, a bit more honest, a shade more loving.

Those close to Francoise knew--though never from her--of many acts of grace she performed, and she would have changed the subject had one acknowledged them. Children were her special passion. Every afternoon for several years this busy, on the surface so success-oriented woman, helped the child of a friend through a trying physical therapy program; at another time she went day after day to visit a child suffering from cancer in Memorial Hospital.

Francoise was a woman of culture--at home in the arts and fashion, comfortable at once, with the intellectual and the elemental. She attracted successful men and women because they knew she respected integrity and understood the complexity and anguish of the act of creation. And we were all awed by the way she had found happiness in her marriage. She was devoted to Oscar with a straightforward simplicity; her love was quite literally her life.

Francoise showed us how to live; and then she showed us how to die. No one in this assemblage ever heard a word of complaint about the years of her ordeal or even knew from her that she was desperately ill. Her sacroiliac was bothering her, she would say to me. Alas, I knew that her deeply respected Dr. Fahey was not a specialist in backs. But I played along and suggested a number of osteopaths. She lacked the courage to let someone work on her bones, gravely replied Francoise.

[y]

SEPTEMBER 13, 1983

HENRY A. KISSINGER

Francoise was one of those. She would have turned
away a description of herself as possessing a matter-
of-fact grace with an embarassed smile and a deprecatory
quip. The fact remains that she saw herfriends through
the ambiguities and uncertainties of existence with her
earthy, infectious joie de vivre. Her whole being
exuded a conviction that there were human truths that
brooked no cynicism. An enemy of the trivial and the
second-rate, she would transcend temptations to self-
pity by the fierceness, the steadiness and the marvelous

-2-

Francoise was a woman of the world with few illusions, yet a profound faith. How many in this church would receive those little phone calls which conveyed that at critical times one was not alone, that someone shared in their achievemetns and suffered with their disappointments. Her affection was not without a romantic side. Deep down we all knew that her image of her friends was perhaps a shade exorbitant. Thus, she uplifted us, for to live up to her image of us we were obliged to be just a touch more polite, a bit more honest, a shade more loving.

Francoise was a woman of culture--at home in the arts and fashion, comfortable at once, with the intellectual and the elemental. She attracted successful men and women because they knew she respected integrity and understood the complexity and anguish of the act of creation. And we were all awed by the way she had found happiness in her marriage. She was devoted to Oscar with a straight-forward simplicity; her love was quite literally her life.

Francoise showed us how to live; and then she showed us how to die. No one in this assemblage ever heard a word of complaint about the years of her ordeal or even knew from her that she was desperately ill. Her sacroiliac was bothering her she would say to me. Alas, I knew that her deeply respected Dr. Fahey was not a specialist in backs. But I played along and suggested a number of osteopaths. She lacked the courage to let someone work on her bones gravely replied Francoise.

-3-

Two weeks before she died she came to a birthday party in my honor. I can guess what it cost her in agony, thought no one could have known it from her demeanor. Later on a friend sitting at her table commented to me about the suddenness of her death. She had been so well he thought, so charming, so happy.

The next day she called to thank me. It was a sprightly conversation peppered with amusing comments on the fashions she had seen, on the seating, on the human foibles exhibited the night before.

A week later we spoke again. I had reacted rather sharply on television to an unkind accusation. I should exhibit no bitterness she said; I should offer no explanations. They were unnecessary for those who were close to me and useless for those who were not. I asked how she was--knowing the answer but grasping for reassurance. The sacroiliac was acting up again, she told me. She was working up her courage for an appointment with the osteopath.

A few days later she kept another kind of appointment.

There is no one in this church whose life has not been made emptier by Francoise's death.

And no one who would trade that emptiness with those who never knew her.

Her very special friends teasingly called her La Generale. Her troops are here assembled in force for the last time. Her command will, however, be dissolved only with our lives. And so with pride, and above all with love, we salute her.

9/13/83

MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR MRS. DE LA RENTA

ALL OF US HERE KNEW FRANCOISE DE LA RENTA AS A MARVELOUSLY ACHIEVING LADY. SHE HAD A PRACTICAL, NO-NONSENSE APPRECIATION FOR THE REALITIES OF EVERYDAY LIFE. GOD KNOWS SHE COULD COPE WITH ITS COMPLEXITIES AND ADVERSITIES. SHE WAS BRILLIANTLY SUCCESSFUL IN ALL HER EFFORTS, AS A DESIGNER, AS AN EDITOR, AS A HOSTESS.

BUT THAT IS NOT WHY WE MOURN HER SO. NOR WHY IT GREW SO SILENT AROUND US LAST JUNE WHEN DISBELIEVINGLY HE HAD TO COME TO GRIPS WITH THE LONELINESS THAT HER ABSENCE WOULD SPELL FOR OUR LIVES. WE HAD ALMOST TAKEN FOR GRANTED HER STURDY, MATTER-OF-FACT DEVOTION, THE MANY THOUGHTFUL SIGNS OF HER CARING AND HER AFFECTION. WE HAD BECOME SO USED TO HER GLOWING, WARM AND INFECTIOUS LAUGHTER WHICH COULD SET A WHOLE ROOM AGLOW WITH HER JOY IN LIVING, HER PRIDE IN HER FRIENDS AND HER DEEP LOVE OF HER HUSBAND. SHE HAD SEEMED TO BE INDESTRUCTIBLE;

2

HER VITALITY ~~SO~~ INEXHAUSTIBLE. I HAD KNOWN HER FOR ONLY A
DECADE AT A STAGE IN LIFE WHEN MAKING TRULY NEW FRIENDS
IS SO RARE THAT ITS OCCURRANCE IS ~~NEARLY MIRACULOUS AND~~
ESPECIALLY TREASURED. OUR FRIENDSHIP APPEARED ONLY TO HAVE
JUST STARTED; NOW IT WAS ALREADY OVER.

IN THE JEWISH TRADITION IT IS SAID THAT GOD PRESERVES THE
WORLD BECAUSE AT ANY ONE POINT THERE EXISTS TEN JUST MEN WHO
DO NOT KNOW THEMSELVES THAT THEY ARE JUST. I WOULD LIKE TO
EXTRAPOLATE—AT LEAST I WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE—that AT ANY ONE
POINT THERE IS A SMALL NUMBER WHO MAKE OUR WORLD BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT
BEING PARTICULARLY CONSCIOUS THAT THIS IS THEIR ROLE.

FRANCOISE WAS ONE OF THOSE. SHE POSSESSED A MATTER-OF-FACT
GRACE THAT MADE THOSE LIVES SHE TOUCHED MORE BEAUTIFUL. BUT
(TURNED AWAY) OF HERSELF AS CONSIDERINGS MATTER—NOT JUDGEMENT, ENOUGH,
SHE WOULD HAVE $\$HRUGGED OFF SUCH A DESCRIPTION WITH A GENTLE
SMILE AND FUNNY QUIP. SHE GAVE HER FRIENDS STRENGTH TO FACE
THE AMBIGUITIES AND UNCERTAINTIES OF EXISTENCE WITH HER EARTHY,
INFECTIOUS JOIE DE VIVRE. HER WHOLE BEING EXUDED A CONVICTION

3

HUMAN

THAT THERE WERE TRUTHS THAT BROOKED NO CYNICISM. AN ENEMY OF THE TRIVIAL AND THE SECOND-RATE, SHE WOULD TRANSCEND TEMPTATIONS TO SELF-PITY BY THE FIERCENESS, THE STEADINESS AND THE MARVELOUS LOYALTY OF HER DEVOTION. SHE WAS A SAFE HAVEN IN THE STORMS OF LIFE. HER FRIENDSHIP KNEW NO CONDITIONS; IT WAS COMPLETE IN ITSELF, IMPLYING NO RECIPROCITY.

FRANCISE

THOSE CLOSE TO HER KNEW--THOUGH NEVER FROM HER--OF MANY ACTS OF GRACE SHE PERFORMED, AND SHE WOULD HAVE CHANGED THE SUBJECT WITH EMBARRASSMENT HAD ONE ACKNOWLEDGED THEM. CHILDREN WERE HER SPECIAL PASSION. EVERY AFTERNOON FOR SEVERAL YEARS THIS BUSY, ON THE SURFACE SO SUCCESS-ORIENTED WOMEN, HELPED THE CHILD OF A FRIEND THROUGH A TRYING PHYSICAL THERAPY PROGRAM; AT ANOTHER TIME SHE WENT DAY AFTER DAY TO VISIT A CHILD SUFFERING FROM CANCER IN MEMORIAL HOSPITAL.

FRANCOISE RELISHED LIFE AND SUFFUSED THOSE AROUND HER WITH HER EXUBERANCE; BUT SHE WAS FAR TOO MODEST TO TURN HER ATTITUDE INTO A FORMAL PHILOSOPHY. FRANCOISE WAS A WOMAN OF THE

4

WORLD WITH FEW ILLUSIONS, YET A PROFOUND FAITH. HOW MANY
IN THIS CHURCH WOULD RECEIVE THOSE LITTLE PHONE CALLS WHICH
CONVEYED THAT AT CRITICAL TIMES ONE WAS NOT ALONE, THAT
SOMEONE SHARED IN THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS AND SUFFERED WITH THEIR
DISAPPOINTMENTS. HER AFFECTION WAS NOT WITHOUT A ROMANTIC SIDE.
DEEP DOWN WE ALL KNEW THAT HER IMAGE OF HER FRIENDS WAS PERHAPS
A SHADE EXORBITANT. THUS, SHE UPLIFTED US, FOR TO LIVE UP TO
HER IMAGE OF US WE WERE OBLIGED TO BE JUST A TOUCH MORE POLITE,
A BIT MORE HONEST, A SHADE MORE LOVING.

FRANCOISE WAS A WOMEN OF CULTURE--AT HOME IN THE ARTS AND
FASHION, COMFORTABLE AT ONCE WITH THE INTELLECTUAL AND THE
ELEMENTAL. SHE ATTRACTED SUCCESSFUL MEN AND WOMEN BECAUSE THEY
KNEW SHE RESPECTED INTEGRITY AND UNDERSTOOD THE ANGUISH OF
THE ACT OF CREATION. AND WE WERE ALL AWED BY THE WAY SHE HAD
FOUND HAPPINESS IN HER MARRIAGE. SHE WAS DEVOTED TO OSCAR WITH
A STRAIGHTFORWARD SIMPLICITY THAT TURNED LOVE INTO A WAY OF
LITERALLY HER
LIFE. SHE SHARED HIS WORK AND INSPIRED HIS ENVIRONMENT.

5

PHILOSOPHERS WRITE BOOKS TO EXPLAIN THE BIBLICAL MEANING OF
LOVE AND GRACE. FRANCOISE DID BETTER; SHE INCARNATED THEM.

FRANCOISE SHOWED US HOW TO LIVE; AND THEN SHE SHOWED
US HOW TO DIE. NO ONE IN THIS ASSEMBLAGE EVER HEARD A WORD
*THE NEW ORIENTAL*
OF COMPLAINT ABOUT HER YEARS OF SUFFERING OR EVEN KNEW FROM
HER THAT SHE WAS DESPERATELY ILL. HER SACROIALIC WAS BOTHERING
HER SHE WOULD SAY TO ME. ALAS, I KNEW THAT HER DEEPLY RESPECTED
DR. FAHEY WAS NOT A SPECIALIST IN BACKS. BUT I PLAYED ALONG
AND SUGGESTED A NUMBER OF OSTEOPATHS. SHE DID NOT HAVE THE COURAGE
LACKED
gracefully applied
TO LET SOMEONE WORK ON HER BONES SAID FRANCOISE IN MOCK
SERIOUSNESS; BUT SHE WOULD WORK UP HER COURAGE TO TAKE THAT STEP.

TWO WEEKS BEFORE SHE DIED SHE CAME TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY
IN MY HONOR. I CAN GUESS WHAT AGONY IT COST HER, THOUGH NO ONE
COULD HAVE KNOWN IT FROM HER DEMEANOR. LATER ON A FRIEND SITTING
AT HER TABLE COMMENTED TO ME ABOUT THE SUDDENNESS OF HER DEATH.
SHE HAD BEEN SO WELL HE THOUGHT, SO CHARMING, SO HAPPY. IT WAS
VINTAGE FRANCOISE. SHE WAS NOT ONE TO BE A BURDEN TO ANYONE.

6

AT ANY TIME, LEAST OF ALL ON A JOYOUS OCCASION.

THE NEXT DAY SHE CALLED TO THANK ME. IT WAS A SPRIGHTLY
CONVERSATION PEPPERED WITH AMUSING COMMENTS ON THE FASHIONS
SHE HAD SEEN, ON THE SEATING, ON THE HUMAN FOIBLES EXHIBITED
THE NIGHT BEFORE. ABOVE ALL, SHE WANTED TO TELL ME OF HER
PRIDE IN THE SPEECHES SHE HAD HEARD.

A WEEK LATER WE SPOKE AGAIN. I HAD REACTED RATHER SHARPLY
ON TELEVISION TO AN UNKIND BOOK ABOUT ME. I SHOULD REMEMBER,
SHE SAID, THAT MY FRIENDS DID NOT BELIEVE A WORD OF IT.

I SHOULD EXHIBIT NO BITTERNESS, I SHOULD OFFER NO EXPLANATIONS.

THEY WERE UNNECESSARY FOR THOSE WHO WERE CLOSE TO ME AND USELESS
FOR THOSE WHO WERE NOT. I MUST PROMISE NOT TO DO ANYTHING
RASH. I ASKED HOW SHE WAS--KNOWING THE ANSWER BUT GRASPING
FOR REASSURANCE. THE SACROLIAC WAS ACTING UP AGAIN, SHE TOLD ME.

SHE WAS WORKING UP HER COURAGE FOR AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE
OSTEOPATH.

A FEW DAYS LATER SHE KEPT ANOTHER KIND OF APPOINTMENT.

7

THERE IS NO ONE IN THIS CHURCH WHOSE LIFE HAS NOT BEEN MADE EMPTIER BY FRANCOISE'S DEATH.

AND NO ONE WHO WOULD TRADE THAT EMPTINESS WITH THOSE WHO NEVER KNEW HER.

HER VERY SPECIAL FRIENDS TEASINGLY CALLED HER LA GENERALE.
HER TROOPS ARE HERE ASSEMBLED IN FORCE FOR THE LAST TIME.
HER COMMAND WILL, HOWEVER, BE DISSOLVED ONLY WITH OUR LIVES.
AND SO WITH PRIDE, AND ABOVE ALL WITH LOVE, WE SALUTE HER.

9/13/83

BUT THAT IS NOT WHY WE MOURN HER. NOR WHY IT GREW SO SILENT AROUND US LAST JUNE WHEN DISBELIEVINGLY WE HAD TO COME TO GRIPS WITH THE LONELINESS THAT HER ABSENCE WOULD SPELL FOR OUR LIVES. WE HAD ALMOST TAKEN FOR GRANTED HER STURDY, MATTER-OF-FACT DEVOTION, THE MANY THOUGHTFUL SIGNS OF HER CARING AND HER AFFECTION. WE HAD BECOME SO USED TO HER GLOWING, WARM AND INFECTIOUS LAUGHTER WHICH COULD SET A WHOLE ROOM AGLOW WITH HER JOY IN LIVING, HER PRIDE IN HER FRIENDS AND HER DEEP LOVE OF HER HUSBAND. SHE HAD SEEMED SO INDESTRUCTIBLE;

[y]

2

HER VITALITY SO INEXHAUSTIBLE I HAD KNOWN HER FOR ONLY A
DECADE AT A STAGE IN LIFE WHEN MAKING TRULY NEW FRIENDS

SEEMS A BLESSING,
IS SO RARE THAT ITS OCCURRANCE IS NEARLY MIRACULOUS AND
And a de ten years proved much as it should.
ESPECIALLY TREASURED. OUR FRIENDSHIP APPEARED ONLY TO HAVE

IN THE JEWISH TRADITION IT IS SAID THAT GOD PRESERVES THE
WORLD BECAUSE AT ANY ONE POINT THERE EXIST TEN JUST MEN WHO
DO NOT KNOW THEMSELVES THAT THEY ARE JUST. I WOULD LIKE TO
EXTRAPOLATE--AT LEAST I WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE--THAT AT ANY ONE

of men + women,
POINT THERE IS A SMALL NUMBER WHO MAKE OUR WORLD BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT
are responsible for making
BEING PARTICULARLY CONSCIOUS THAT THIS IS THEIR ROLE.

She led the race of life,
FRANCOISE WAS ONE OF THOSE. SHE POSSESSED A MATTER-OF-FACT
both blessed + being able to give
GRACE THAT MADE THOSE LIVES SHE TOUCHED MORE BEAUTIFUL. BUT

turned away such a
SHE WOULD HAVE SHRUGGED OFF SUCH A DESCRIPTION WITH A GENTLE
deprecatory look.
SMILE AND FUNNY QUIP. SHE GAVE HER FRIENDS STRENGTH TO FACE

a slightly embarrassed
THE AMBIGUITIES AND UNCERTAINTIES OF EXISTENCE BY HER EARTHY,
INFECTIOUS JOIE DE VIVRE. HER WHOLE BEING EXUDED A CONVICTION

3

THAT THERE WERE TRUTHS THAT BROOKED NO CYNICISM. AN ENEMY OF THE TRIVIAL AND THE SECOND-RATE, SHE WOULD TRANSCEND TEMPTATIONS TO SELF-PITY BY THE FIERCENESS, THE STEADINESS AND THE MARVELOUS LOYALTY OF HER DEVOTION. [SHE WAS A SAFE HAVEN IN THE STORMS OF LIFE,] HER FRIENDSHIP KNEW NO CONDITIONS; A implied IT WAS COMPLETE IN ITSELF, IMPLYING NO RECIPROCITY.

4

WORLD WITH FEW ILLUSIONS, YET A PROFOUND FAITH. HOW MANY
IN THIS CHURCH WOULD RECEIVE THOSE LITTLE PHONE CALLS WHICH
CONVEYED THAT AT CRITICAL TIMES ONE WAS NOT ALONE, THAT
SOMEONE SHARED IN THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS AND SUFFERED WITH THEIR
DISAPPOINTMENTS. HER AFFECTION WAS NOT WITHOUT ROMANTIC SIDE.
DEEP DOWN WE ALL KNEW THAT HER IMAGE OF HER FRIENDS WAS PERHAPS
A SHADE EXORBITANT. THUS, SHE UPLIFTED US, FOR TO LIVE UP TO
HER IMAGE OF US WE WERE OBLIGED TO BE JUST A TOUCH MORE POLITE,
A BIT MORE HONEST, A SHADE MORE LOVING.

FRANCOISE WAS A WOMEN OF CULTURE--AT HOME IN THE ARTS AND
FASHION, COMFORTABLE AT ONCE WITH THE INTELLECTUAL AND THE
ELEMENTAL. SHE ATTRACTED SUCCESSFUL MEN AND WOMEN BECAUSE THEY
KNEW SHE RESPECTED INTEGRITY AND UNDERSTOOD THE ANGUISH OF
THE ACT OF CREATION. AND WE WERE ALL AWED BY THE WAY SHE HAD
FOUND HAPPINESS IN HER MARRIAGE. SHE WAS DEVOTED TO OSCAR WITH
A STRAIGHTFORWARD SIMPLICITY, THAT TURNED LOVE INTO A WAY OF
LITERALLY HEK
(LIFE. SHE SHARED HIS WORK AND INSPIRED HIS ENVIRONMENT.)

5

FRANCOISE SHOWED US HOW TO LIVE; AND THEN SHE SHOWED
US HOW TO DIE. NO ONE IN THIS ASSEMBLAGE EVER HEARD A WORD
OF COMPLAINT ABOUT HER YEARS OF SUFFERING OR EVEN KNEW FROM
HER THAT SHE WAS DESPERATELY ILL. HER SACROIALIC WAS BOTHERING
HER SHE WOULD SAY TO ME. ALAS, I KNEW THAT HER DEEPLY RESPECTED
DR. FAHEY WAS NOT A SPECIALIST IN BACKS. BUT I PLAYED ALONG
AND SUGGESTED A NUMBER OF OSTEOPATHS. SHE DID NOT HAVE THE COURAGE
to let someone work on her bones said FRANCOISE, IN MOCK
SERIOUSNESS, BUT SHE WOULD WORK UP HER COURAGE TO TAKE THAT STEP.

6

THE NEXT DAY SHE CALLED TO THANK ME. IT WAS A SPRIGHTLY
CONVERSATION PEPPERED WITH AMUSING COMMENTS ON THE FASHION
SHE HAD SEEN, ON THE SEATING, ON THE HUMAN FOIBLES EXHIBITED
THE NIGHT BEFORE. ABOVE ALL, SHE WANTED TO TELL ME OF HER
PRIDE IN THE SPEECHES SHE HAD HEARD.

I SHOULD EXHIBIT NO BITTERNESS; I SHOULD OFFER NO EXPLANATIONS.
I must promise her not to do anything else

3

FRANCOISE LIVED HER LIFE AND SUFFUSED THOSE AROUND HER WITH HER EXUBERANCE; BUT SHE WAS FAR TOO MODEST TO TURN HER ATTITUDE INTO A FORMAL PHILOSOPHY. FRANCOISE WAS A WOMAN OF THE

4

WORLD WITH FEW ILLUSIONS, YET A PROFOUND FAITH. [HOW MANY
IN THIS CHURCH WOULD RECEIVE THOSE LITTLE PHONE CALLS WHICH
CONVEYED THAT AT CRITICAL TIMES ONE WAS NOT ALONE, THAT
SOMEONE SHARED IN THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS AND SUFFERED WITH THEIR
DISAPPOINTMENTS.] HER AFFECTION WAS NOT WITHOUT A ROMANTIC SIDE.
DEEP DOWN WE ALL KNEW THAT HER IMAGE OF HER FRIENDS WAS PERHAPS
A SHADE EXORBITANT. THUS, SHE UPLIFTED US, FOR TO LIVE UP TO
HER IMAGE OF US WE WERE OBLIGED TO BE JUST A TOUCH MORE POLITE,
A BIT MORE HONEST, A SHADE MORE LOVING.

FRANCOISE WAS A WOMEN OF CULTURE--AT HOME IN THE ARTS AND
FASHION, COMFORTABLE AT ONCE WITH THE INTELLECTUAL AND THE
ELEMENTAL. SHE ATTRACTED SUCCESSFUL MEN AND WOMEN BECAUSE THEY
KNEW SHE RESPECTED INTEGRITY AND UNDERSTOOD THE ANGUISH OF
THE ACT OF CREATION. AND WE WERE ALL AWED BY THE WAY SHE HAD
FOUND HAPPINESS IN HER MARRIAGE. SHE WAS DEVOTED TO OSCAR WITH
A STRAIGHTFORWARD SIMPLICITY THAT TURNED LOVE INTO A WAY OF
LIFE. SHE SHARED HIS WORK AND INSPIRED HIS ENVIRONMENT.

7

9/13/83

BUT THAT IS NOT WHY WE MOURN HER SO. NOR WHY IT GREW SO SILENT AROUND US LAST JUNE WHEN DISBELIEVINGLY WE HAD TO COME TO GRIPS WITH THE LONELINESS THAT HER ABSENCE WOULD SPELL FOR OUR LIVES. WE HAD ALMOST TAKEN FOR GRANTED HER STURDY, MATTER-OF-FACT DEVOTION, THE MANY THOUGHTFUL SIGNS OF HER CARING AND HER AFFECTION. WE HAD BECOME SO USED TO HER GLOWING, WARM AND INFECTIOUS LAUGHTER WHICH COULD SET A WHOLE ROOM AGLOW WITH HER JOY IN LIVING, HER PRIDE IN HER FRIENDS AND HER DEEP LOVE OF HER HUSBAND. SHE HAD SEEMED SO INDESTRUCTIBLE;

2

HER VITALITY SO INEXHAUSTIBLE. I HAD KNOWN HER FOR ONLY A
DECADE AT A STAGE IN LIFE WHEN MAKING TRULY NEW FRIENDS
IS SO RARE THAT ITS OCCURRANCE IS NEARLY MIRACULOUS AND
ESPECIALLY TREASURED. OUR FRIENDSHIP APPEARED ONLY TO HAVE
JUST STARTED; NOW IT WAS ALREADY OVER.

IN THE JEWISH TRADITION IT IS SAID THAT GOD PRESERVES THE
WORLD BECAUSE AT ANY ONE POINT THERE EXISTS TEN JUST MEN WHO
DO NOT KNOW THEMSELVES THAT THEY ARE JUST. I WOULD LIKE TO
EXTRAPOLATE--AT LEAST I WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE--THAT AT ANY ONE
POINT THERE IS A SMALL NUMBER WHO MAKE OUR WORLD BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT
BEING PARTICULARLY CONSCIOUS THAT THIS IS THEIR ROLE.

FRANCOISE WAS ONE OF THOSE. SHE POSSESSED A MATTER-OF-FACT
GRACE THAT MADE THOSE LIVES SHE TOUCHED MORE BEAUTIFUL. BUT
SHE WOULD HAVE SHRUGGED OFF SUCH A DESCRIPTION WITH A GENTLE
SMILE AND FUNNY QUIP. SHE GAVE HER FRIENDS STRENGTH TO FACE
THE AMBIGUITIES AND UNCERTAINTIES OF EXISTENCE BY HER EARTHY,
INFECTIOUS JOIE DE VIVRE. HER WHOLE BEING EXUDED A CONVICTION

3

4

5

FRANCOISE SHOWED US HOW TO LIVE; AND THEN SHE SHOWED
US HOW TO DIE. NO ONE IN THIS ASSEMBLAGE EVER HEARD A WORD
OF COMPLAINT ABOUT HER YEARS OF SUFFERING OR EVEN KNEW FROM
HER THAT SHE WAS DESPERATELY ILL. HER SACROIALIC WAS BOTHERING
HER SHE WOULD SAY TO ME. ALAS, I KNEW THAT HER DEEPLY RESPECTED
DR. FAHEY WAS NOT A SPECIALIST IN BACKS. BUT I PLAYED ALONG
AND SUGGESTED A NUMBER OF OSTEOPATHS. SHE DID NOT HAVE THE COURAGE
TO LET SOMEONE WORK ON HER BONES SAID FRANCOISE IN MOCK
SERIOUSNESS; BUT SHE WOULD WORK UP HER COURAGE TO TAKE THAT STEP.

6

A WEEK LATER WE SPOKE AGAIN. I HAD REACTED RATHER SHARPLY
ON TELEVISION TO AN UNKIND BOOK ABOUT ME. I SHOULD REMEMBER,
SHE SAID, THAT MY FRIENDS DID NOT BELIEVE A WORD OF IT.
I SHOULD EXHIBIT NO BITTERNESS; I SHOULD OFFER NO EXPLANATIONS.
THEY WERE UNNECESSARY FOR THOSE WHO WERE CLOSE TO ME AND USELESS
FOR THOSE WHO WERE NOT. I MUST PROMISE NOT TO DO ANYTHING
RASH. I ASKED HOW SHE WAS--KNOWING THE ANSWER BUT GRASPING
FOR REASSURANCE. THE SACROLIAC WAS ACTING UP AGAIN, SHE TOLD ME.
SHE WAS WORKING UP HER COURAGE FOR AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE
OSTEOPATH.

7

SEP.12 '83 11:00 KISSINGER ASSOCIATES, WASH. DC

P.02

9/12/83

Memorial Service for Mrs. de la Renta

I knew Francoise de la Renta only in the last ten years--
at a stage in my life where the making of new friends is rare
and yet doubly blessed.

All of us here were familiar with Francoise as a marvelously
achieving lady. She had a practical, no-nonsense appreciation
of the realities of everyday life. God knows she could cope with
its complexities and adversities. She was brilliantly
successful in all her efforts.

But that is not why we are here this evening. Nor why
such a void occurred in all of us last June when we nearly
disbelievingly had to come to grips with the void that her
absence would bring into our lives. We had become so used to
her glowing, warm and infectious laughter which could set a
whole room aglow with her joy in living, her pride in her
firends and above all her deep love of her husband.

SEP. 12 '83 11:01 KISSINGER ASSOCIATES, WASH. DC

P.03

2

In the Jewish tradition it is said that God preserves the world because at any one point there exists ten just men who do not know themselves that they are just. It is probably true too that at any one point there is a small number who then make that world beautiful without being particularly conscious that they are doing it.

Francoise's was a matter-of-fact grace who uplifted what she came into contact with but who would have shrugged off such a comment with an embarrassed quip. She gave her friends strength to face the ambiguities and uncertainties of existence by her earthy, infectious joie de vivre. And she was a ______ to many of us in the fierceens, the devotion, the matter-of-factness and the marvelous anonymity of her friendships.

Those close to her knew of many acts of grace she performed, though never from her, and she would have changed the subject had one acknowledged them. Children were her special passion.

SEP.12 '83 11:02 KISSINGER ASSOCIATES, WASH. DC

P.04

3

Every afternoon for several years this busy, on the surface
so success-oriented women, helped the child of a friend in a
physical therapy program; in another period she went day after
day to a shild suffering from cancer in Memorial hospital.

She was, as I have said, an artist of friendship. Her
affection suffused one's life without demand, implying
reciprocity. She relished life and transmitted that exuberance
without lecturing it. Francoise was a women of the world who
had coped; but she had few illusions, yet a profound faith in
them. How many in this room would receive those little phone
calls showing that someone took pride in achievements and suffered
with disappointments. Her affection was not without a romantic
side. Deep down we all knew that her image of her friends was
perhaps a shade exorbitant. Thus she uplifted us. Her
friends all tried to be just a touch more polite, a bit more
honest, a shade more loving to live up to her image of us.