Not a play, not a cross talk act. We tried to get in through the ear the same effect you get through the eye from a newspaper cartoon (editorial cartoon you call them in the States). The chief difficulty experienced was of tempo. The public are accustomed to hearing quick-fire gagging, i.e. a series of gags tumbling out one after the other, innocuous and disconnected; and the listener can come in on this at any time and pick it up quickly. His ear is set, too, for listening to a play simply told. He knows how to listen, in other words.

But the development of a satirical theme, with gags containing cartoon meaning, cannot be listened to so quickly. The listener is not used to it. It requires more attention. That tends to slow the form up at present and lose the snap of the idea. When people have got their receptive faculties tuned in, so to speak, it will no doubt be possible to get the form sharp without running away from the audience.

"GOEBBELS MAKES UP THE BOOKS"

Cartoon by Low

Signature tune

ANNOUNCER: Nazi Ministry of Propaganda!

Accuracy in figures of gains and losses in the war!

System of checking and re-checking at Propaganda Ministry.

Music: (Little white lies) X/F into effects.

SOUND:

Furiously battering of
typewriters, orders
shouted, Knock on door:
it opens and shuts. Cut
effects.

OFF:

Heil Hitler, mein Minister of
PROPAGANDA. I haf to report
that der Englander dogs were
over last night dropping bombs
on der residential suburbs
inside our munition factories.

GOB:

Ya! Ya! I know. There were
52 bombers of which we brought
down 79.

OFF:

But... 79... from 52! It
ain't arithmetie!

GOB:

Silence! Don't you know our
beloved Fuhrer is above the
laws of arithmetie? Arith-
metie is Jewish! German
figures must serve the state!
Heil Hitler!

OFF:

Heil Hitler. (sounds) Ve
haf brought down two fighters
too.

Hum of approaching
bombers.

GOB:

Two, too. Dot makes twenty-
two. (sounds)

Bombers overhead: buzzerOFF:
buzzers sound.

The Englander dogs haf again
arrived Mein Minister. We
must to shelter quickly go.

GOB:

Heil Hitler! (Sounds)

Bombers overhead: Shouts
of alarm. Music: (Old
"Struggle" theme) Shouts
of scrambling down who-
e. Grunch.

Victory! We haf brought down
another British bomb.

-2-

Muss. pleading: "Pleass-a!

Pleass-a! No more Italians!

Not-a very good-a! Only leetle
ones left now! You try da
spaghetti instead, yes?"

Hit. shouting: "I said ITALIANS -
fresh, mit Russian dressing!"

Muss. resignedly: "Coming up,
mister." Dismal howl down

speaking tube: "HA-ASH
ITALIANO-O-O"

Dogs now louder.

SUBJECTS FOR TREATMENT

Rommel expecting reinforcements gets delivery of Mussolini; or Musso,
the new Ceasar, waiting for Rommel to deliver him at Alexandria;
getting in the way of the battle; (wearing running shoes) he has
brought with him all his trophies won for the sprints across Libya;
have him taking all the credit of the Nazis' victories and Rommel as
sour as hell.

Scrap metal collection in Germany. News item: (It is reported that all machinery not used in war production is to be boiled down.)
That takes in Hitler's armoured car.

Organising the new Gestapo. News item: (Germany, hard up for police
for the occupied areas, has to swear in local foreign quislings.)
Hon-pure-aryan blood test.

-3-

Distant sound of smashing,
more or less continuous.

"Achtung! Achtung!"
"Any Old Iron!"
"Rags, Bottles Or Bones!"
(Sid Walker's song?)

Click as radio turned on.
BBC Announcer heard.

Door shuts. Heavy footsteps.
Door opens and shuts

Noise of smashing gets
nearer.

Ripping sound as Hitler tears
off row after row of medals.
Groans, gasps, sound of struggle.
Suddenly, shouts outside, people
running, then tremendous
hammoring and banging.

G. Finish them quickly, puss. (Typing renewed, properly) What is all that infernal noise outside?

SHE: It is the special street drive for scrap metal ordered by der Fuehrer. The Gestapo are taking all they can see and smashing it up in the street.

G. Himmel! We have missed the beginning of the B.B.C. 1 o'clock news. Switch it on.

SHE: But it is illegal to listen to the Jewish controlled BBC.

G. Don't be funny, sugar

ANNOUNCER: "...and reconnaissance flights today showed acres of factories, munition works, marshalling yards still burning." Cologne on son Mann

G. Stop. Turn it off. (Click) Who is it that along the corridor comes? It is der Fuehrer's step. Quick! Into the next room.

G. (clicking heels): Heil! Hitler: Heil! What is the noise outside?

G. The faithful Gestapo, mein Fuehrer, whom you to their favourite work of smashing things up have set.

HIT. (walking up and down): I have come about that. Reports of the scrap campaign are bad.

G. Not so, mein Fuehrer! Germany will soon be all scrap. Cologne is scrap. Mainz, Essen, Dusseldorf - largely scrap; and now again last night, the Ruhr. Why should you bother? The RAF does the work for you. Ha! Ha! Ha!

HIT. You think it funny, my fat one? Then laugh at this: I demand that the leaders an example set. That for you goes. You must give up your medals to the scrap.

G. My medals? Oh, mein Fuehrer!

HIT. Ja. An example to the people. It will take a load off your chest.

G. Never! Spare my medals!

HIT. You defy me? Then I tear them off, the whole half-cwt.

["LAST BUS FROM MIDDLE EAST", "Cartoon by Low", "ANNOUNCER: Rapid Progress by Rommel.\nStrength-through-joy trip around the Mediterranean\nAll records broken.", "Sound: people scrambling on bus and engine starting up.\n\nGUIDE: Hurry! Quick! Jump up!\nfor Marshal Rommel's advance\nbackwards mitout enony\nopposition. We are now\npassing through beautiful\nGerman Tripoli -", "MUSS: Italiano!", "Uproar of\nGERMAN V's: Throw der Italians off!\nDis is a pure Aryan bus,\n

MEDITERRANEAN FISHING TRIP

Cartoon by Low

ANNOUNCER: Axis plans for Tunis
Hitler meets Mussolini!
Fishing trip in Mediterranean!

Continuous background of
heavy sea running - waves
splashing - storm effects-
thunder-seagulls.
Music.

HIT: Donnerwetter! You would
be seasick. Ain't you
der Duce round here?
Ain't it your picnic?
Ain't it your boat?
Ain't it your hook and
line?

MUSS: Si, si (euwup!) But it-a was
your idea. (Bitterly)
Strength-a through Joy!
(Yurrup!)

HIT: Always complaining! Ain't
it your fish! Ain't I
caught you Corsica und Nice?
Ain't I just going to
catch you Tunis?

MUSS: Ain't you caught-a me
pneumonia?

HIT: Gif me der hait! Macaroni!
You can't catch Tunis mit
macaroni. Pass me dot
sausage. Now! Look out!

7

Whizz of big hook and
line. (Siren and Jews
harp) Splash.

There! Sieg heil! Sieg
heil! I've hooked him!

Whish as of boat
dragged swiftly through
waves. Music,

Wild flurry of water
ending in splashes as
boat overturns and throws
both in water.

MUSS: Or he's hooked us!

MUSS: Gurgle, gurgle, glug, glug.
(drowning noises).

HIT: Vell, ain't this der
Mediterranean? Ain't it
your sea?

STARTING UP DER AXIS

Cartoon by LOW

Music

ANN: Hitler swears to take Stalingrad!

Another Advance planned!

Axis to be started up!

Fanfare

F/U sound of car rolling in
with a clatter, clatter,
clang, bang, bump, chug, chug,
chug. Car stops.

Chauffeur: Heil Hitler! Your car Mein
Fuhrer.

HITLER: Have you greased der quislings'

CHAUFF: Ya, Mein Fuhrer.

HITLER: Iss der generals oiled?

CHAUFF: Ya, Mein Fuhrer.

HITLER: Den ve start!

Sounds of cranking
and fitful self-
starter, ft-ft-ft-
pooffff. Car starts,
music.

HITLER: (speechifying grandly) Den
der hour of destiny iss struck
Ve go forward to colossal
victory -

Clang! (chunk of iron
falls. out music.

...... Vot wass that?

CHAUFF: Der wings fell off Mein Fuhrer!

HITLER: Verdammelt! Himmel! Vere are
der back wheels?

CHAUFF: Vo left those behind in der
Caucasus, Mein Fuhrer,

Bang, bang, hammering.
Engine starts: Music.

HITLER: There! Ready! (resumes grand
speech) Ve go forward to
colossal victory. It will...