Prompt:
So I’m 6 months pregnant and I was talking to my friend who has two kids on the phone today. She asked how I was doing and I mentioned that my feet were really hurting today, and she said I should get my husband to rub them.

I told her that he doesn’t like giving foot rubs, and I usually use a baseball and roll my foot on it. She said something along the lines of “so what if he doesn’t like foot rubs, you’re pregnant, he should be giving them”. I said again he doesn’t like doing it and gets annoyed when I ask too often. He gives them once in a while.

She said to play up how much it hurt, whine all the time about how much my feet hurt, maybe cry when he says no, and she said that’s what she did when her husband didn’t want to give foot rubs. I thought it was sort of manipulative to do that and I said that it’s kind of unhealthy to be doing that kind of thing, either he’s going to do it or not but you shouldn’t be faking pain to have him do it.

She then got mad and said it’s not unhealthy, she was just doing a little harmless acting, and not to judge her relationship when I’m the one complaining about my feet(which she asked how I was doing in the first place).

I told her I didn’t really feel like talking anymore, and she then said I’m not the judge jury and executioner on what a healthy relationship(I don’t know that the phrase really works here but that’s what she said)is and to stop being so self righteous.

I’m wondering if I just should have let it go from the beginning, because she’s not usually so... combative so I think I must have crossed a line. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

My guess is you hit a sore spot there. It IS unhealthy and wrong of her to manipulate (yes, you're right there imo, she was manipulating him) her husband into giving her footrubs. You calling her out on that made her so uncomfortable she lashed out. You've done nothing wrong. ######


Prompt:
So these idiot roommates of mine, both of them, make a point of leaving the door unlocked, despite the shitty neighborhood we live in, because...

- ratchet social etiquette? Who are we to not put our complete trust in the degenerates and/or drug addled lunatics around us?

- to avoid the degradation and hassle of using their house keys to enter the house?

- attaching your home key to your car key on some sort of ring or keychain is for “lames”?

My possessions are more exponentially more valuable to me than they are, so essentially in accommodating their hoodrat behavior I would be screwing myself on both ends of the risk/reward spectrum.

So fuck that.

When they do the dumb shit and they come back to find the door locked and I’m either online gaming or in bed, Im in zero rush to stop what I’m doing to be accommodating.

I subscribe to the philosophy of Family Guy’s Spider-Man: “everbody gets one.”

But if you’re not family, if I wouldn’t bleed for you, if I don’t owe you shit you will not make habit of inconveniencing me. Period.

Does that make the asshole?

P.S. for bonus points, one of the roommates is a mother who leaves the door unlocked in the home her daughter frequents. Because that shit’s safe af ######

Response:
 NTA

My freshmen year the same thing happened to me, he ended up complaint and I got my own room. ######


Prompt:
My fiancé and I have been together almost six years. He came to the relationship with a very cute but very spoiled cat he has always indulged. The cat has essentially “trained” him to meet his demands by meowing loudly and being a general pest.

I’ve always been good to his (our, really) pet. Feeding him, scooping litter, affection and play, buying him monthly supplies and even contributing to his medical costs. I’m a good cat mom and he tells me so. Believe me, I care about the furry bastard and his well-being.

So kitty always has access to food and fresh, clean water and a plethora of other creature comforts. Despite this, he will often meow incessantly around 5am and scratch and knock things over because he decides he wants something.

I always give him more dry before bed and check he has what he needs. Doesn’t matter. Sometimes he’ll chomp through all his food, decide he wants a faucet drink or wants his food bowl shaken or he’ll make our lives hell.

TLDR: I’m sick of dealing with this every night. I’ve never had such a demanding cat and have stopped giving into it all the time. If I know he has what he needs, I’m no longer jumping out of bed to “tend” to him.

I tell my fiancé it’s practice for learning how to ignore a child’s tantrum and honestly, he should have been more mindful when he was a kitten/young cat not to reinforce this behavior.

He says ITA but after 30 minutes, the cat finally STFU and he’s sleeping peacefully. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

My cat used to do this, but I had enough of missing sleep from being woken up at 3 AM. Eventually, I got a tambourine so when I heard the meowing, I opened my door and shook it

If you cave, they know it works. They train you. Theyll bother you until you wake up and do what they want. I'll give them what they want during the day, but at night they better leave me be. Now they dont try to wake me up anymore. ######


Prompt:
Long story short, my father has drinking problems - he has been getting drunk every day for 10 years. As his drinking got worse, he had to close his small business and now works as a secretary for a smaller wage. Everything he earns goes on alcohol and smoking and so does my mom's money which she gives him to drink.

Until I have moved out, they have lived entirely on my monthly scholarship which is less than 250 euros and expected me to pay bills and buy them food after wasting their money on this addiction (mom never drinks, but refuses to break up). After I moved out, mom had emotional meltdowns every day. Now that I am jobless, I have to live again with them. Since she had no money to pay the bills, the municipality has threatened to cut the electricity off. It's very unsure whether I will live here for 1 more month or 12 more months. I may pay the bills this month because I need Internet connection to attend college, but can I live this life forever? Can THEY live this life forever, avoiding being responsible humans? I have talked to them several times, but it leads to nothing. They have a very fatalistic view on life and think everything is meant to be this way because it's their destiny.

 She thinks the same as most people her age in my country, that children, regardless of age, have to give parents financial aid because they have raised them for so many years. If my parents were jobless I would gladly give them financial aid, but since they work and spend father decides to be an alcoholic and my mom sacrifices her needs for my amazing father, it angers me that they choose to avoid their responsibilities and expect me to be their saviour my entire life. ######

Response:
 NTA

My advice: help them pay the bills while your there so no drama happens and so you can keep going to college.

Once you leave cut help. She can pay the bills if she doesn’t give him the money for booze. She has the power to have a better life. And so does he. ######


Prompt: I(16m) live with my dad and grandfather. My older brother lived with us until he turned 18 last year and moved it to our moms. My dad and grandfather make me go to bed at 8pm and also take my phone and every electronic regardless if they bought it for me or not. I also do all the daily and weekly house chores(Dishes, mowing the lawn, vacuuming the house, etc) and I’m tired of doing it and having my stuff taken. My dad was upset when my brother moved out because they did the same thing to him until he left and my dad doesn’t want me to move out at 18. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Move out and start living your life as an adult ######


Prompt:
My ex wife and I got divorced because she was cheating on me. We had one child, my daughter who is now 3. We got the divorce finalized in January and she voluntarily gave me full custody.

We haven’t been in contact since. I didn’t block her because I wasn’t planning on preventing her from being part of my daughters life if she changed her mind. Today she texted me that it would have been nice to hear from me for Mother’s Day. I responded that she’s not really a mother, she just gave birth. She got pissed off and she blocked me. I feel like I perhaps shouldn’t have said that and I went too far, but at the same time she cheated and I don’t really feel bad.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Mother’s Day is to celebrate and show appreciation for moms. You’re not wrong. Giving birth doesn’t make you a mother. Actually being a mother is what makes you a mother. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway account.

For my grandmother's birthday I made her a triple layer chocolate cake. I spent all day looking for every ingredient so I could make it special and from scratch, because of how many layers it had it took me a few hours to make. When the cake was done I was proud of my work (I'm not the best cook) and I thought it was pretty good besides being a bit on the dry side. But hey I really did try to make it good.

Soon as I show it to her she begins to criticize everything about it saying I should have done it this way and I should have done it like this instead. She told me every single thing I did wrong with making it then saying that she should've made it.

Honestly I was hurt by what she said because I really thought it wasn't that bad. My family thinks that I HAVE to make her another one because of how bad of a gift it was and that it was an awful cake. I really don't want to do it again but everyone is making me feel awful about it for not doing it and I feel inclined like I have to do it. So, Reddit, AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

MOST EMPHATICALLY *NTA!!!!* Never waste your time on ungrateful recipients. They will *never* be happy. Grandma sounds like a piece of work. I'll bet there are a lot of other things she constantly criticizes and she's got everyone under her thumb. Don't cater to her. It'll never end. It'll never be good enough.

Just tell her that you obviously aren't a good enough cook to suit her and that you'll give someone else the opportunity to bake her a cake. ######


Prompt:
I been married to my wonderful wife for about two years. I have a college age daughter and she has two high school age children.

I struggled with addiction throughout my late twenties and early thirties. I did many rehabs and detox centers. This is no secret, many people know about my downward spiral.

I got my life in order and still receive services such as therapy, medication and meetings. I’ve been clean and sober for years and was able to finish college and start a business.

I returned to my hometown and reconnected with my high school love. She is divorced. She knows about my past and she understands. Eventually the ex husband found out we were dating and told her family about me. Her family was not pleased at all. Her ex and her family tried to discourage her from seeing me. He told his children and they refused to live with us when we got married. They would bully my daughter and say horrible things about me. I was disinvited from their high school events and family reunions.

My daughter is very bright and is attending a private Ivy League school. I am paying for her tuition and assisting her with her finances.

My wives oldest is graduation from school and has her hopes in attending the same university as my daughter. Her grandparents approached me without my wife knowing and asked if I would support my step daughter with tuition. Her father and grandparents say they can’t afford to help her out. They mentioned that “she is my daughter too” and I have an obligation to help since we are all “family”.

I stated that since finances are tight maybe she can start at a community college and for her to get a job to help with expenses. I stated also I can’t help since I’m already paying for my daughter’s school.

Her grandparents were livid. My wife doesn’t know about this. I just don’t feel like shelling out thousands of dollars to get my wive’s family approval. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Mixed families are tough business.  Every family is different and whatever your situation.

You’ve been married for two years, it’s not like you saw these two girls grow up at step sisters and you were father figure to them since they were babies or young children.

This is for your wife, her ex husband and her side of the family to solve for.

Does your wife support your daughters education?  Will her parents provide funds for your daughter?  What are family finance like right now, are you already supporting them majority of the way? ######


Prompt:
My boyfriend and I are both 29 and his sister is 18. Well we live in a 2 bedroom apartment with our 1 year old and in the same complex his mother lives with his sister. We used to take her to school and most days she would ditch and not go. They baby her so much, she doesn't clean after her self and she doesn't even know how to cook. She has been spending the night because her mother is an alcoholic and she gets hostile and kicks her out. She has a boyfriend that is 21 and is a pain in the ass. He is loud and obnoxious, always trying to show off and very delusional. He is obsessive over her so he is always coming over and stays the night sometimes also. He rides a motorcycle and he parks near our door and always revving his engine being super loud. He doesn't treat her good and I hear them fighting over the phone a lot. They stay all day watching netflix, making a mess, bringing random friends over, and her bf is just fucking annoying (nobody likes him). Two days ago I told them to go somewhere so I can clean the whole apartment and they got butthurt and they haven't came over.

I am pissed cause my bf wants her to move in with us. I am an adult with a child and I want my own place. I need my privacy. I want to be able to get out the shower in a towel and not have her bf there on the couch like he lives there and having to clean up after them cause I know my bf is gonna keep on babying her. ######

Response:
 NTA

Maybe your boyfriend should clean up after them for a while, so he can put his money where his mouth is. ######


Prompt:
I am (30F) and my boyfriend is (32M). He is white and originally from England. I am originally from Mexico. My identity is indigenous Mexican as both sides of my family’a descendants have been in Mexico for a long time. As far as my boyfriend knows, both sides of his family have been in England for centuries with some ancestors coming from Europe but his ancestry is predominantly white European.

Anyway, we’re both working from home and he thought it would be fun to trace his family history. He got really far back and it confirmed what he already knew that his ancestors were white European and cake form other countries to settle in England. He was excited as he got to see where his ancestors came from.

I decided to do the same. I learnt that generations of my family are indigenous Mexicans and that I had some mix from South America. I managed to track one line all the way back to the Inca Empire. I tried to go as far back as I could in my Mexican line to see if maybe it extended to the Maya but it was too far back to succeed. Anyway, I thought it was really cool to learn that some of my ancestors came from the Inca Empire and went to Mexico.

Well, my boyfriend took this information and started explaining European colonisation to me. I told him I already know what it was and why my Incan ancestors came to Mexico. It was presumably because the empire fell. He didn’t listen to me and said that I didn’t understand my family history and where my cultural beginnings came from and basically explained it to me as if I had no idea what he was telling me. I got really irritated and told him “I don’t need you explaining to me about my cultural background. I’m not stupid.”

I walked away in a huff and my boyfriend said he was just trying to help me “understand” my ancestry. He said I was an AH for mildly snapping at him and maybe I could have said things nicer. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Maybe later he can explain to you what it's like to have a period. ######


Prompt:
I (m17) have a fungal infection around inner thigh and genital area. I apply my anti-fungal cream before I fall asleep. Because of lockdown my step-sister's University closed and she (19) moved back in the house. Her Mac's charger broke, and recently she has been using my charger. After having dinner she left her laptop in my room to charge and we watched an episode of Witcher in Netflix together and then I went to bed.

As usual I started to apply my anti fungal cream around my genital. I usually get erection while rubbing the cream. Suddenly my step-sister walks in(without knocking) and I froze like a deer caught in headlights, with an erection and pants down. My step-sister screamed and my parents came and she told that I made her feel uncomfortable. In my defense I said I was applying anti fungal cream and she should have knocked. Now, my parents want me to apologize to my step-sister and promise that it won't happen again. I have refused to apologize because it was her fault for not respecting my privacy.

So, AITA for not apologizing to my step-sister when she caught me with an erection and pants down.

PS: sorry in advance if there are any typos, typing from mobile ######

Response:
 NTA

Maybe do a passive aggressive apology. “I’m sorry you opened my closed door and walked into my room without knocking and found me applying antifungal cream to my genitals.”

Edited:

Well, this blew up, lol. And my first award! Thank you! ######


Prompt:
It's another day at my gym where I work out everyday, The customer service  there is excellent the atmosphere is really good and even the drinks  don't disappoint even though I carry water with me all the time.

However there was this incident that started on February, it carried on for 3 exhausting days. You can get your own personal trainer you obviously  know what that means you can also receive a massage from him if you wish  to pay. He massaged me for several sessions and I became close pals  with him however one guy took a photo out of context as he was passing  by the locker rooms (because that's where the massage takes place) Took a  photo where I wasn't wearing a bra and the personal trainer was looking  away. I didn't notice the photo being taken as I was looking the other way

He then tried to frame it as "She flashed her breasts at him that's a harassment" The photo was  blurry so the managers believed he was pulling it out of his ass. The  manager then came up to me the other day told me about it I audibly  gasped, the dude who framed it was at the gym at the time and I went up to his face and almost had a breakdown on him. we shortly got seperated and I filled a report at him for being unprofessional and that he harassed me.

He got banned from ever having a subscription to that gym ever again, the  managers asked other women about this and if he tried to frame them as  well but they explained that it didn't happen but his behavior was  off-putting compared to other guys, he wasn't sociable sometimes glanced  at a few asses but he wasn't "Alarming" according to their experience

I  thought about it day after day, we even joke about it now, but AITA from getting him banned in the first place, could he actually saw it as a coincidence or did he had a gripe with Women.

Also I'm just friends with the masseuse for now, I'm single and 30 years old. (He's 32) ######

Response:
 NTA

Management made the right call and I'm surprised you even feel the need to ask. This person completely violated you by taking a photograph of you, without your knowledge or consent, in a state of undress. That would get ANYONE barred from a gym, and so it should. You did the right thing by alerting the gym to this predatory behaviour and removing a person who is obviously a threat to other gym members. I'm sorry you went through this. ######


Prompt:
My mom died when I was 13 years old and
My dad remarried when I was 15
His new wife and stepsons. Was the boss
Anything and everything he will do it
I no longer was his son, or problems
They made fun of me , was always giving everything by my own father. He takes them out to any restaurant and buy them anything
I was the outsider  this go on for 3 more years and I left for college and in college every year he will take his new family on vacation and always  tell me he   paying for your my college.

I'm now 28 years old and have a high paying job plus $640,000 the bank

My father call me in February telling me how he got $30,000 in hospital fee left to pay from his surgery and is having problems paying the it off and said no I don't have the money why don't you ask your stepsons. He said son
Yours stepbrother are 19 and 15 please understand that and you and your wife have jobs and plus your in laws help you a lot with your sons. Please help, I just cut the call

He call me every week and wife and in law
about me helping him

My wife think I'm unreasonable because I got all this money in my account and can't help my dad

I tell her , he made me feel like a outsider and put his new family first and never look back for me and he spends a lot of money on them and I'm not helping him

Am i the Asshole ######

Response:
 NTA

Lots of these replies are about you reaching out to your dad and finding out why he treated you so bad. You know you are just a reminder of your mother. And for that pain your dad avoided and shunned you.

You have every right to tell him what a jerk he was to you and how badly he treated you and how he is a disgrace to all fathers out there. Hell, to all humans.

To your wife.. please tell her this isn’t about mending a simple broken fence this was your father systematically treating you less than family. He treated you less than a dirty sock on the side of the road.

You can contact that hospital and pay on or all of that bill if you want. (Don’t give him the money). I’d cut him off for a long time and explain to your wife that you want not part of him or that family in your life. I mean your step mom never spoke up for you? F her too.

Please get therapy just to help you and your wife understand how his actions can have repercussions for you later.

Good luck ######


Prompt:
Yesterday morning my girlfriend was being pouty and generally sour. When I asked her what was wrong she said that she was upset because I had not cooked her breakfast or brought her flowers or any of the things I do for her birthday or our anniversary.

Befuddled, I asked why I would do any of those things for mother's day, as we have no children? She thought that because we have two dogs she qualifies for mothers day. I laughed and told her that until she has a human child she doesn't qualify for mother's day. I had sent cards and flowers to my mother and grandmother so I guess she was expecting some too? She's still upset about it this morning.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

LOL what?! I have two dogs as well and felt silly when someone told me "Happy Furmother's Day" - That's a bit much if she was *that* upset with expecting this sort of treatment with owning dogs..... ######


Prompt:
We've been going out just over 3 years and are 29 and 30.

He makes significantly more than me (3x my wages) And recently got a massive £700 bonus which is more than my regular wages are. (I'm looking for a new job before anyone says) I'm not interested in having any of his money, we split dates 50/50, but there have been things happen where he's displayed kind of odd behaviour which comes across as selfish and something happened last night.

We were hanging out at his, he has a lot of beer in the house (3 crates and lots of other special bottles)  I was going to go to the shop to get some and he said, "Nah it's raining, you can buy some off me." And I actually had to pay him £5 for 4 cans of Carling (cheap beer which would have been about £5 in the shop.)

The thing is, if it was the other way around I know I would've just given him beer and not thought about money at all. I would definitely not 'sell' him beer. Even if I was poor. When friends/family come to mine I just give them drinks if they want them. I buy my bf treats too, I bought him a video game this month and have one in mind to buy him when he's finished it. He's bought me stuff in the past but as I said that doesn't matter I don't care about getting stuff, I just thought the drink thing was super stingy. It's not the money it's the notion. For example if he had said nothing and I'd gone to the shop and paid that would have been fine.

AITA for being annoyed that he made me pay for them?

TL:DR: My bf who is on 3x my wages and recently got massive bonus made me give him £5 for a few beers and I know I wouldn't have 'charged' him if it was the other way around. ######

Response:
 NTA

Lmao you’ve been together for 3 years and he charged you for a few beers? Wtf kind of cheap bs is that ######


Prompt:
so i come from a very traditional muslim family in turkey and since i'm 17 now my family started to put a lot of pressure about getting married bla bla. i'm closeted and my parents are super homophobic and religious. so today randomly the idea of having kids was brought up.

i accidentally told that i won't have any which sent my mom to a breakdown. she started shouting at me cause she won't have grandchildren, calling me selfish. (i didn't talk ab adoption cause she is really against it for some reason?)

whatever i shouted hat she was the one being selfish and that it's my life & i get to choose what i do (that was the safest thing to say without outing myself) she started crying and called me ungrateful. i was pretty confident that i was right but then my sister (who knows i'm gay) and she told me that i acter irresponsible and hurt her feelings?

so am i the asshole for making my mum cry just by telling her i won't have kids ######

Response:
 NTA

Listen closely. You didn’t make your mother cry.

Her inability to accept you as an individual who makes different choices than her is what made her cry when you shared part of your valid and wonderful choices for yourself.

Your mother is choosing her traditions and prejudices over the happiness of her own child and using emotional upset as a bargaining tool to manipulate you into behaving how she wishes, at least on the outside.

You will have to decide how much you want to hold back and not share so you don’t have to deal with family uproar, and how much you want to shine a light and illuminate your family’s dysfunctional emotional behavior.

You aren’t an asshole for saying or choosing what you like.

But it might be more diplomatic to say you went to the doctor who said children aren’t possible, if you are really serious about a childfree life, or adopting in the future. ######


Prompt:
I've been with my gf for a while and we are both 16. Her parents keep asking me to tell my gf to do things. Like they'll tell me to tell her she needs to study, finish her homework, eat less junk food, go on her phone less, wake up earlier, etc. The first few times I told my gf "your parents told me to tell you x" and she would just complain about her parents being annoying. We started joking around about me being her parent and I'd jokingly say things like "take out the trash young woman" or "go to your room".

Her parents kept asking me to tell my gf things. I usually didn't even bring up to my gf what her parents are saying after a while. Then they'd call or text and ask if I told her and if I can ask her again as she still isn't doing what they want. I told them " I'm her partner not her boss. I'm not going to try to parent her. If I'm worried about her I'll talk to her privately but I'm not going to monitor stuff like if she is sleeping in late or not studying enough. It isn't my job to do that." They called me disrespectful and said I should be looking out for my gf. ######

Response:
 NTA

Like you said, it's not your job, it's theirs. Her parents are super creepy. ######


Prompt: So this happned a few months ago but my brother still wont talk to me about it. Basically here's the story, I moved away for college and obviously school is expensive so like most students I was struggling financially. One of my classmates who I got along with worked at a strip club and told me I should try it out because the money is good and she could recommend me. Fast forward a bit and I'm working at the club, money is great, hours are nice and best of all it's basically paying for my schooling and then some. I ended up telling my brother this one day and he went on to tell our mom that I work as a waitress which is whatever. Except that since then she kept talking about how they should come visit me and stop by the restaurant I work at, my brother kept making up excuses why they shouldn't do that and finally I had enough of playing this game of pretend and just told her. My mom wasn't thrilled but she seems to be more understanding. My brother though was furious with me and basically has not spoken to me since then. So AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Like Missy Elliot said, “... just stay ahead of the game”.

I’ve known a few strippers (I was a late night cook for years in Vegas). Smart women. You do you. Just stay safe. ######


Prompt:
So, that’s is a throwaway, the fact I’m gay has nothing to do with the story, English isn’t my native language, and I’m on my phone.

Let’s get to the actual story; and introduce the characters. Salvi is my boyfriend, mom is my mother, dad is my father, Marie is my sister, I’m 20, as is Salvi.

So, as a child, my mother was hyper-conscious about my weight. It translates into me being on diets from the age of seven. As an early teenager, I struggled with an eating disorder, and the road to recovery has been a messy one. At the age of 18, I decided to move out with my boyfriend, and we lived in our own apartment. Note: my father wasn’t really okay with the diets, but he never opposes my mother, which has causes tensions.

Okay, so my parents house is being sold, so they asked if they can stay at mine until they find a new place, and I agreed. That was two months ago.

Like three days in, my mother started commenting about how I had gained weight, and that I should eat less, and it’s been making me feel worse, and worse, and I’m starting to enter old habits. I’ve tried to tell my mother that I am an adult, I can know what to eat, to no avail.

Last night, after a certain remark, I snapped, and told my mother that she could either stop fucking remarking, or she could leave (and by extension my dad), and it escalated into a huge argument, and they both left to my sister’s.

My sister called me up to tell me that I was an asshole for how I handled the situation, and that I should apologise, and that my mother just shows love in weird ways.

Salvi will support me either way, but he prefers they don’t come here.

So Reddit !! AITA for snapping at my mom? ######

Response:
 NTA

Let me get this straight - you're graciously letting them stay at your place for two months and she's been bitching at you since day 3?

Not only were you right to put her in her place, but I would absolutely would stick with not letting them stay if she continues her toxic behavior. ######


Prompt:
when i confronted him about this, he said i was overreacting, and that "ive changed" because honestly, i used to think it was funny, and im embarrassed of myself. luckily, ive learned and grew as a person.

and he also defended it by saying "its not in bad context, and its not hurting anyone", and i personally think the context doesnt matter. i tried telling him that saying rasict and Homophobic slurs isnt funny and you shouldn't say them, but he said i tried "pushing my agenda on him".

so i would just like to know, AITA for confronting him and saying its wrong, or am i overreacting? ######

Response:
 NTA

Leave that group. Don’t be part of that chat group. ######


Prompt:
Okay, so, this is an ongoing thing now dating back to my pregnancy with our baby (1). My husband likes to leave and go do his own thing, which is fine; he needs a break. Parenting is hard and we already have a 5 year old.

The problems:
-the day after we brought our baby home from a very traumatic birth (I hemorrhaged and almost died) my husband left to go to the next town over and was gone for hours.

-I had postpartum depression. He constantly left me home by myself with both of our kids for hours. He was never affectionate and just acted like he didn’t like me and our family anymore.

-he lied to me. A lot.

-he still leaves to go do things on his own for hours at a time. He offers to take us sometimes but our baby can’t hang out that long and he knows it, but he isn’t willing to leave when he’s tired and he also won’t carry the baby (25 lbs) so I have to hold him for hours while standing up.

-he says he can’t watch the kids for me to do anything on my own. The few times he has had our baby, the baby acts like he doesn’t know who he is, for good reason. He only knows his mom and brother honestly. I’ve caught him being too rough with the baby before too. He also pops him already which I do NOT think he’s old enough for.

-I haven’t even got to take a shower by myself in a year. I always have to bring the baby in with me.

So we occasionally argue about this stuff because sometimes I bring it up and it makes him feel bad so he leaves. AITA for being upset and bringing it up to him? ######

Response:
 NTA

LEAVE HIS SORRY ENTITLED BUTT.

This guy left you for hours after a traumatic birth where you could have died.

He lies.

He refuses to watch the kids for you to get a break, while he continuously gets to.

Your baby barely knows him.

Its basically like you are already a single parent anyways.

This way he will be forced to be a parent and take care of them on his own. ######


Prompt:
Residential zoned area, less than .5 acre property, zoning ordinance  limits max of 4 dogs, noise ordinance specific for dogs.

 Neighbor moved in with 3 dogs, now has 11 (all ages, diff breeds).  Dogs barking from 5am-11:30pm.

 We told her nicely about the noise but she refuses to do anything.  Smell from feces is unbearable.

We filed complaint with Zoning Dept.  Neighbor now is mad that she has to give up some of her dogs.

Are we assholes because we don't want a 'kennel' next door to our home with 11 dogs that bark constantly all day? ######

Response:
 NTA

Keeping the dogs in that condition ("Smell from feces is unbearable.") is animal abuse.

You did the right thing. ######


Prompt:
Last night I was watching a bad movie with some friends and acquaintances on discord. We were making fun of it and at one point this Arab stereotype popped up on screen. One guy started making racist Muslim jokes directed at me cause I am. I laughed it off and said [don’t care, plus you’re white](https://youtu.be/ZboBh58wdFg) suddenly he said “don’t send that shit. It’s fucked up” I asked how and he got mad because he said people always send him that shit online because he’s white. He then went on a stupid rant about straight white dudes get shit on the hardest and blamed for everything. I didn’t feel like arguing so I just said “did someone accidentally put pepper on your boiled chicken sandwich” he then left the call. It’s weird why he got offended when he’s made worse racist jokes in the past about me and I thought it was funny.

Was I the asshole ######

Response:
 NTA

Keep sending him white boy memes until his white boy brain explodes. ######


Prompt:
So a throwaway account and bit of backstory here, bare with me...

I do almost all the cooking in the house, no problems at all as I enjoy doing it. Every weekend we align what time we're eating etc, additionally I give them notice just before, I (usually) set the table and more often than not I'll be sitting at the table waiting for my wife and kids to come while the food gets cold.

Sometimes they really are just coming from a bath or something, but other times its simply a case of they will start doing something else in the last minute (e.g. jump in the pool just before, start a game etc - this time it was unpacking the dishwasher while dinners on the table) - the usual response is "it'll only take a minute"
Well yesterday evening everyone turned up late again, I don't say anything - my son barely touches his dinner then asks my wife if he can have corn chips instead. She goes to get him a bowl of chips (again I don't say anything but am noticeably annoyed) She asks whats wrong, and I say it's very similar to turning up late to dinner, it shows a lack of respect (towards me) for taking the time to prepare a meal than not eating &/or letting it go cold. My daughter was only eating the roast chicken (nothing else) and my wife says that's just as unhealthy - where I return to say that's rubbish.
She then says "of course you're always right, your opinions always correct etc etc" where I then turn and say this isn't fair in front of the kids, I angrily get up - leave the table & meal half eaten and haven't spoken to her since.
I already know this is being picky, but it bothers me as it feels like a lack of respect - Even if it's not that important, I feel if she knows it bothers me then after so much time she would just prioritize it as its important to me.
So I suppose that's it - AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Just start cooking for yourself and leave them all to fend for themselves for a while (assuming your son isn’t like 4 and your wife is totally enabling him).

You’re right, your wife shouldn’t undermine you at dinner either since you cooked. Either way eat what’s made or don’t eat. (Or at least make something yourself) ######


Prompt:
We went over there at least 4 times trying to talk with them in over a year, but the response was always along the lines of “we can make noise from 10 to 10”, and when I asked to keep them in the back so they wouldn’t react to anything that moves, they said “I don’t want to take away their view.”

Now I bought a dog whistle after a year of dealing with two small shrieking dogs that bark at everything.

It clearly didn’t help, so it was a useless attempt, but I heard a neighbor yell, not them, “you can whistle all you want, it’s not gonna help anyway, they did take the dogs inside though and it stopped.

I really don’t know what to make of this, why did they yell that, I took it in a provocative way, but perhaps it was meant differently.

I know it’s hard to ask opinions on something you didn’t experience, but as a whole, I don’t have a clue what it meant.

I also don’t know who yelled it because it but they were other neighbors visiting the owners of the dog.  (They don’t care about social distancing either)

Is that a hostile or an affirmative way of letting me know it won’t do much, it was true, it didn’t.

Am I an asshole for trying to quite the dogs myself this way by buying and using a whistle? (It sure felt that way)

I also yelled at them in the past when I was too frustrated and couldn’t take that as well, but I feel like a knucklehead doing that, I want it to stop, but I don’t want to be a dick either. ######

Response:
 NTA

Just because you don’t have to go out of your way to not annoy your neighbors until 10 doesn’t mean you’re allowed to do anything you want all day every day. If it’s obnoxious, it’s obnoxious and you should call the police and file noise complaints anyway. They shouldn’t be leaving their dogs out all day. ######


Prompt:
My mother left when I (18F) was 9 years old, seemingly never to be heard from again. I was sad about it of course, but not *too* sad as we never got along. She was very cruel to me, and she very obviously favored my brother (20M). She always took his side when we fought, she always wanted to spend time with him and not me. Basically every memory I have of her is her reprimanding me for something.

She has recently... resurfaced. After not hearing from her for nine whole years, I got a phone call. She asked if she could see me and I said no.

Well, I ended up telling my brother and he says I'm being unfair and I should give her chance because she was abused by our father and it's not her fault. I don't know if she was abused (never saw anything suspect) but even if she was, that still doesn't excuse the way she treated me, in my opinion. And she owes me an apology at the very least. Truthfully, I just don't want her in my life. Even if she gave me an apology, I don't want to bother with her. She caused me so much pain, I literally grew up thinking she didn't love me. I kind of still think that tbh, I found out she has been sending letters and birthday cards to my brother the entire time, and not me.

So... AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Its your decision. She left, you dont owe her anything just because you share blood. Toxic people are toxic people family or not. ######


Prompt:
sorry if formatting is weird

So my mother was a middle school teacher and she would tutor this boy who was around 13 or 14 years old. He would come over our house for tutoring.So, they ended up having sex and mom get's pregnant.

At that time, me (19M) and dad didn't know about the affair and thought the baby was dad's. We were with throughout the pregnancy and birth.

How we ended finding out was my mom left her phone at home while she went to the grocery store. A text message popped up and it was a nude photo from the boy she tutored. I ended up going through her phone to see tons of dirty text messages and nude photos between her and the boy.

I showed the pictures and text messages to my dad and needless to say, he was devastated. We decided that we should turn the pictures in to the police for not only the boy but for other future victims as well.

We confronted mom about this and she admitted that she had been sleeping with this kid for a while and the baby wasn't dad's. She begged us not to turn it in to the police but we told her we already did.

A few days later, the school found out and they fired her. The boy's parents got wind of this as well and they are pressing charges. My mom is currantly sitting in jail.

As for Dalton (half brother), I can't look at him the same again. The rest of the family are calling me an asshole for not wanting to be around him and for turning in mom but to me, he will always be a reminder of my mother's infidelity and crime.

So reddit, AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Its a lot of emotional shock, and whether you should turn someone in?  If the sexes were reversed here there wouldn't even be a question.  They'd want him locked up and the key thrown away.

As far as your half brother, that's tough, its nothing he did wrong, but its emotional trauma for you.  He's also in shock, the man he though was his father isn't, and his mother is now in jail.  You should see a therapist, but I think cutting off your half brother is a little harsh. ######


Prompt: So this happened a few years ago but I always wonder if I was in the wrong. My brother (21M) and his girlfriend (20F) has been dating less than a year when my fiancé and I started writing our guest list for our wedding. We decided to invite my brother’s girlfriend even though they had only been together for a short time. GF found out I had invited a friend which happened to be a former classmate of hers (this girl was also a fiancée of one my partner’s friends and had been together for 2 years) and asked me to uninvite this girl because this girl was her sworn enemy and apparently she had once been with my brother. I told her that whatever was going on between GF and this girl wasn’t my business and I didn’t want to make things awkward and uninvite her when I didn’t have a problem with her. GF then started accusing me of choosing this girl over her and disrespecting her and although initially my brother didn’t care, he also eventually agreed with his GF and neither of them showed up to my wedding. I was devastated and conflicted on whether I should have just uninvited my friend to keep peace between me, my brother and his GF or whether that would have just been the start of GF making demands and getting her way. ######

Response:
 NTA

Its a day to celebrate your relationship - if divorced parents can put aside years of rivalry/abuse/hatred to be at their kids wedding together, your brother's gf can put aside her petty highschool drama for one day for you ######


Prompt:
So this isn't a big problem but both my mother and brother see me as an ass hole for not sharing my PlayStation with my older brother(22) who used to own his own playstation but sold it when he was stuck for money and every day when wake up he is playing it (shared room) and if I am on it and leave the room for 10minutes or more he goes on it and doesn't even ask not only that but he uses my account instead of his own because he stupidly bought things and won't make his own account because he already bought stuff

     AITA!?? ######

Response:
 NTA

It’s your PlayStation. It’s up to you to decide if you want to share. He’s an adult if he wants one he can buy one. ######


Prompt:
I'm a student who was looking to move to a different room/studio. I found a great place and texted back and forth with the girl who needed to find a new tenant. She told me the room was mine and to send over my info sheet and that the agency would then send me a contract. I sent in my info and qaited for over a week with no response, I kinda concluded that they might have given the contract to someone else.

I look for a new place, found one and signed the contract this Friday. Now the other girl texts me saying it's weird that the agency haven't responded and that she'll swing by their building today. I inform her that I have signed another room since I didn't hear back from the agency. Now her and her sister are acting like I'm the biggest asshole in the world cause they now don't have a tenant for next month. I was always taught that before a contract is signed there is no deal but they seem to think I've broken a promise or something. ######

Response:
 NTA

It’s not your fault or problem that they didn’t follow up, it’s theirs. You’re the client, if they cared they should have ensured you were taken care of. ######


Prompt:
A bit of context, my parents are divorced, but they always agreed what they do for one child, they do for the other.

My older sister got a private tutor and also had driving lessons for 2 yrs which my parents split the cost for between them, but my dad refused to do for me because he said that maintence should cover the cost. I ended up not being able to get a tutor, but my mum managed to pay for driving but at a huge financial cost.

While my sister has been at university, my dad has been giving her over £300 a month to help her. But he has told me he won't do the same for me because I was planning on working abroad and I had been told that if I worked abroad after graduating, I don't have to pay off student loans. I have found out since that I was told wrong and I will still have to pay it off and I emailed him telling him, but he never responded.

When he told me he wasn't going to help, I was upset and went up to my room. His girlfriend came up and told me that I was being a brat about it. She also told me that he was probably going to lose his job which was why he wasn't helping me. Which would be a valid reason, except this all happened a few months ago and he's still not lost it, and he would've lost it by now, especially with the current situation, if he was gonna lose it.

My mum emailed my dad after finding out his girlfriend called me a brat saying she didn't want me near her again which he didn't reply to, but she did calling me a liar, and I quote " if she (me) thinks the hat fits, she can wear it". My dad is still with her and it feels like he has chosen both her and my sister over me.

My relatives are telling me that I'm making a big deal out of nothing and it's not his fault that he upsets me because he has aspergers so he doesn't realise that he's upsetting me, but after everything went down, I emailed him specifically telling him why and how it hurt me. Are my relatives right and I'm being an asshole and should just let it go? ######

Response:
 NTA

It’s is favoritism and you were right to call it out. At least now you know what to expect from him and you know how willing to help you he really is.

Also the fact that he let his girlfriend talk to you like that makes him an extra asshole. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway account for privacy reasons.

My (18M) girlfriend (19F) found out about 4 days ago that she didn’t get this dream job offer that she got an interview for. I spent the next day and half consoling and comforting her, after which she thanked me and said she felt better. The following night, I found out I got elected to a minor position in this organization I’m involved in. I mentioned it to her, she congratulated me, and then I changed the subject back to what our conversation was. Afterwards, she was more quiet and standoffish, and didn’t really want to talk anymore. This morning, she finally told me that she’s upset at me for making her feel worse about her job rejection by mentioning that I got elected. I said back that I’m sorry about that, but we had stopped talking about her job two days beforehand, and I only mentioned that I got the position for about a minute, and made no more conversation of it past that. She got more mad at me after I said that. AITA for mentioning it? I feel like a dick after hearing her but I also don’t think the manner I went about it was wrong. ######

Response:
 NTA

It’s fine for her to still be upset but if she cares for you she should want to celebrate your accomplishments and be happy for you. Her reaction sounds very self centred. ######


Prompt:
My(30M) brother(20M) and our parents always had a horrible relationship. Parents are conservative christians, brother is gay, you get the picture. I didn’t really have a close relationship with him either since I was in university in another country already when he was 10.

The day he turned 18 he packed his stuff and left without saying a word to them. I talk to him occasionally, but he hasn’t talked to our parents in 2 years.

I’m home now and yesterday was his birthday. Our parents remember it and they started saying that what he did was incredibly wrong, disrespectful, he didn’t love them etc etc. I genuinely asked if they really thought he’d love and respect them after years of them treating him like shit and said that it’s their fault that they don’t have a relationship now. They got mad,Dad blew up, he started yelling and saying that I was talking bullshit and I was being disrespectful too, taking his side. ######

Response:
 NTA

It’s easy to play the victim until someone reminds you of the truth. ######


Prompt:
I (10 M cat) was sleeping very comfortably in my owners' (36 M, 31 F) bed with them one evening when I suddenly had the urge to swat the guy with my paw a number of times and tickle him with my tail. For some reason he didn't take kindly to this, so he kicked me out of the bed, as he does many nights. He's a very mean person in this respect.

So I naturally then just do my thing. Fifteen minutes later my owners' son (3 M) comes into their bed asking if he can sleep with them. The guy tells him he doesn't think it's early morning yet, and starts to help the kid back to bed, when he notices the kid is covered in pee. Naturally he thinks it was a bedtime accident, and so takes him to the bathroom to change his pajamas, give him a bath, and gently explain that he should be more careful about going to the bathroom before bedtime, but it's ok. The kid for some reason doesn't take kindly to second bath at 2AM with really bright lights  while half-asleep, hearing about bathroom time yet again, and is very upset. After calming him down, the guy takes the kid to the couch so he could change the sheets....when he discovered there's no way the kiddo could have made such a big mess, and it clicked why the underwear wasn't even that wet.

I'll own up to it: it was me. I peed in the kids bed. I was just so angry at being kicked out of their bed! But all of this could have been avoided if he just ignored my pawing and tickling, and let me have like a third of the bed to myself with him as a toy. Really, it's on him.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

It's your house and you own all the beds, as well as all the humans.  Pee where tf you want. ######


Prompt:
My sister is having her high school graduation parade soon instead of the normal graduation due to coronavirus. Our school requires us to wear black under our gowns. She already has a black dress that fits her just fine. I have a black dress that I bought specifically for graduation last year. My sister and my mom want my sister to wear my dress instead of the one she already has.

I suppose it may seem petty but I don’t really want to let her wear it if she already has something to wear and you won’t see the difference under a gown anyway. Normally I let my sister borrow stuff from my closet (she’s even worn a dress I bought for myself for homecoming before I got to wear it). The dress just means a lot to me because my grandma picked it out. I wear it for many special occasions and even interviews- it’s like a lucky dress. I want to be nice because of everything she’s going through because of coronavirus but she has been online shopping this entire pandemic and could have bought her own dress if she didn’t like the one she already has.

Please advise. Thanks. ######

Response:
 NTA

It's your dress and being sentimental about it isn't a bad thing. You seem to be a caring sister so they should accept the fact that you want to keep this one thing to yourself. If they don't then they're being assholes since you are entitled to not sharing your stuff. ######


Prompt:
Took my 4 year old son to the park with my wife and her mum. Son has a little bike that’s his faithful companion everytime we go. He wanted to sit and watch some swans by the lake so we settled down on the grass nearby and left the bike directly behind us to get a closer look at the wildlife. I’m talking a couple of feet at most.

A small girl similar in age to my son who had been sitting with her family (and who had been watching my son and the bike with interest when we came) got up while we weren’t facing her and took the bike. We hadn’t noticed until we turned around- and there she was with her family sat on it.

My wife immediately said ‘excuse me, can we have our bike back?’ And the family laughed her off saying no no, kids play, kids play. They didn’t speak English very well so maybe they couldn’t pick up on the fact that wife and I were uncomfortable.

My son obviously started getting upset because as far as he’s concerned someone’s stolen his bike. I asked for the bike back, again they laughed it off.

I finally turned to the girl and told her to get off, she started crying and pushed off the bike and ran to her parent in a small tantrum.

Obviously I had to sanitise the handles etc before giving it back to my son because of the climate and the family looked pretty irritated but didn’t say anything. My mother in law however berated both myself and my wife saying we were unbelievably rude and that I was ‘unnecessarily insulting’ the family by sanitising the bike in front of them and that I shouldn’t have taken the bike off the little girl, and ‘in her day’ people knew the meaning of community etc. ######

Response:
 NTA

It's your (and your son's) property and no one else has the right to take it. The little girl's family is being really irresponsible and disrespectful. ######


Prompt:
In typical Asian parenting fashion, my mother has always expected me to spend my entire life with her and support her when she gets older.  It wasn't until my senior year of high school when I was applying for college that I finally stood up for myself.  Soon as she found out that I wanted to live on campus, she started yelling and crying about how ungrateful I am and how much she loved me.  Unfortunately, I couldn't handle it and caved in.  So I commuted for all 4 years of college.

I worked really hard in school so I could get a job after graduating and finally move out.  But my junior year, my father got very sick and passed away.  We had to sell our house and move into an apartment.  My mom had not had a job for like 10 years so she was really struggling to support us and we had to live on the money we made from the house.

After graduating, I got an internship about 3 hours away and surprisingly she supported me in moving into temporary housing for the summer.  Soon as the internship ended, I got a job.  My cousin and I started talking about moving in together since she was also looking to leave her home.

My mom started yelling and crying again and she said some really horrible things to me that I don't want to mention. I caved again and agreed to live with her for a few months to help her get settled.

It's been almost 8 months and she still doesn't have a job and her money is running out.  I feel really guilty for wanting to leave her like this but I also just want live my life. ######

Response:
 NTA

It's time for you to ignore her screaming and crying. ######


Prompt:
Both of my parents have been on an extended visit since. I also have an 18 month old daughter which they want to help look after, which sounded cool at first, but here’s the catch, every morning and throughout the day, they both get completely stoned off their asses and are, what I would consider, WAY too careless with my daughter. From today alone:

-Dad took my daughter downstairs to play, then stopped paying attention and she climbed up the stairs all by herself. We have baby gates on both ends of the steps, so, the gate was left open and she was ignored long enough to make it up 2 flights of steps.

-Mom decided she wanted to cook on the stove and was completely oblivious to my daughter reaching up to the stovetop almost grabbing a hot pan. Luckily I was there and hollered at her before she could.

-Mom was holding my daughter and tried to pass her to my dad, and “something” happened where my daughter kicked over a cup of coffee onto my wife’s Nintendo switch, completely bricking it. They both refused any responsibility and tried to blame the 18 month year old. Their completely baked indifference about ruining my wife’s Switch literally brought her to tears, but that could also be the hormones from her being 7 months pregnant.

-When they went to the down stairs living room, they left the baby gate open, luckily I was paying attention when she swung it open, and stopped her from trying to fall down the steps.

I finally said something just now to my mom about it, when my wife went to the store. I was calm, but very matter of fact and direct. She got super defensive. I tried my absolutely hardest to be chill and not be accusatory, but can tell I still hurt her feelings. I just want my parents to not smoke so much when she’s supposed to be caring after my daughter. I don’t feel like this is an unreasonable demand. AITA?

TLDR: Mom and Dad smoke too much weed and I don’t want them watching my toddler unless they dial it back. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

It's past time for your parents to leave.  It's better that their feelings are hurt, than for something terrible happen to your wife or children.

Suppose your wife went into premature labor?  They would insist that they be allowed to watch your toddler, and you might be tempted to acquiesce.  Get them out ASAP.

It's too much stress on your wife to supervise your parents now, and it definitely will be when your other child is born.  They need to leave.  Today. ######


Prompt:
I often go the local park to study/read a book etc. There’s this apartment complex near the park and people living there have a direct view of the park.

Yesterday I was chillin when this woman who lives in the apartment came up to me. She asked me if I could move to another spot. I asked her why and she said that I was “distracting” her husband. I was confused and at first didn’t even understand what she meant by that. She was SUPER vague but clarified that her husband does “*what men do*” and that I should go somewhere else.

So at this point I was pretty disgusted. I replied that I wouldn’t move and put my headphones on again. She got very irritated and said that I should respect other people’s wishes and “do the right thing”. Then she said that I come to the park too often and that I should consider other people’s marriage. Apparently she discussed this with other women in the apartment and they agree with her.

I told her that I don’t care about anybody’s marriage and that her husband is probably a porn addict if he can’t handle the sight of a female stranger in public.

Well that clearly pissed her off because she was seething with anger. She said that her husband doesn’t watch porn and called me a “sick, twisted little girl” for even suggesting that. I told her that she was making me really uncomfortable but she was STILL attacking me over the porn addict comment. She kept repeating that he doesn’t watch porn & that he’s not interested in me and not to flatter myself.

Afterwards she left but not before telling me that I will “face consequences” sooner or later.

I told my friend about it and she thinks I’m an AH for accusing the woman’s husband of being a porn addict. She said that it was very disrespectful and that she understands why the woman got so upset. And she added that I shouldn’t upset a crazy person since I can’t predict what she might do.

Am I the AH here? ######

Response:
 NTA

It's not your job to cater to creepy men and their insecure wives.

Also, she's actually more offended at the idea that her husband would ever watch porn than the idea that her husband watches strange women in parks enough for it to be a distraction???

Also, your friend sucks. ######


Prompt:
English it's not my first language so I'm sorry for any mistakes.
My mom has a long history of debts, she has loans with multiple people. When my grandmother or someone gave her money to save, she always spends it.

Last year my grandma gave her to save a big amount of money and she spent it, when my grandma asked for the money she didn't have it, so she had to ask multiple loans to repay de money. Besides she owns a school but since the quarantine started a lot of parents don't want to pay even when the teachers are giving them activities. (I'm from Mexico) so she's also having a hard time paying to the teachers.
Two years ago we used to live in our own house but she lost because of the debts.

I work from home, thankfully I didn't lost my job, so I used to help her pay the rent, but she made a loan on my name(I didn't grab any of the money, it was all for her) and she isn't paying it so I'm doing it, since then I haven't been giving her money to pay the rent. But I'm helping her to buy all the groceries that we need. My sister does help her with the rent and supports her sometimes to pay a part of her debts.

With my salary sometimes I buy myself things I like, like clothes or things I see on the internet. This morning I was telling my sister I wanted to buy a curling iron, and my grandmother told me I should stop buying things, and give all that money to my mother. And I told her that I do gave her money and help her in the house.

(My grandmother it's also paying some of the loans of my mom, and in the pass she even had to mortgage her home to help her, she is still paying that mortgage)

So AITA for refusing to give my mother more money? ######

Response:
 NTA

It's not up to you to get her out of debt, especially as she took a loan out in your name which shes making you pay back.

You're not her parent. Get free of her as soon as you can or you'll spend your life bailing her out. ######


Prompt:
Now I know the title seems harsh, but hear me out.

Me and my best friend of about 14 years (let’s call her Amy) are as a close as two peas in a pod. Because of this, we like to think of ways that we could “roast” each other.  Now I want to make a few things clear:

1. There are strict boundaries about what we do and do not joke about (for example it is more than fine to take a piss out of my nose, but the death of my granpa is a no-no zone.)

2. If a joke hurt one of us, we express that, which is usually followed by a apology and a talk about boundaries if the person wishes to do so.

3. All of our mutual friends know it and pay it no mind.

Recently, a new person came into out group (let’s call them Alex). They’ve been introduced to out group dynamics, and they’re been told about Amy’s and mine banter.

It’s all been fun and games, however one day I get an email from my head of my class to come and talk to her. I went, and apparently someone reported me for bullying Amy. This took a good week to solve, and both me and Amy had to have numerous conversations with head of class to prove that it’s all chill.

 I did go to Amy, I asked if I did anything to hurt her. She said no

Next time , we’re sitting in a group, I’m telling the story, and Alex says “yeah it might have been me”
I got very mad , cause their behavior caused both of us a bunch of trouble. Alex said that they do not like our jokes, so they’ve decided to report me just in case I was hurting Amy.

I have decided to cut them out, but some friends think that I’m being to harsh.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

It's not their job to police your friendship group because they dont like something about it. They can leave, as they are the newbie, not dob you in to the teacher. That is low, and your other friends should cut then out too or at least give them a good talking to. If Alex shows remorse for their actions, then i think you should forgive them, but keep them out if they don't.

 It's a lot like people getting angry at a comedian for making a joke about a certain group, even though everyone who was the butt of the joke (the people in the group) found it funny. You can't get offended on behalf of someone unless you know *for a fact* that they are offended too ######


Prompt:
Basically, we both agreed it was not the time to have a child, as we’re both still in college, and not financially stable yet for a child. However, despite his immediate suggestion we not tell anyone, when the pregnancy was confirmed (his fear that a friend/family member of mine will convince me to keep it) I later found out he told his parents and brother. I am angry, as I am still coming to terms with accepting what I have done and I feel like he has broken my trust by telling this private matter to anyone. He believes he has a right to tell his family, but it doesn’t make sense to me why because he was more than eager for me to get the abortion and for me not tell my family.

Am the the asshole for being upset, and saying he doesn’t have the right to tell?

Had the procedure approx. 3 weeks ago

Edit: In addition to this, he is constantly saying I’m pregnant, commenting on my body, which not only makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me, as I gained about 20 pounds, which I felt like I have since lost. Almost daily he says he’s stressed or anxious I’m pregnant. Today I finally gave in and took another pregnancy test, (I am on birth control pills and we have not had sex). This for some reason caused me to get extremely upset, and feelings of guilt about the abortion.

AITA for getting upset about taking another pregnancy test? Is there something wrong with me

Edit: he has since told me he told them, because he needed money. (The abortion was already paid). ######

Response:
 NTA

It's normal to tell your parents when you or your partner gets pregnant. However, since you two had agreed not to tell anyone in this case it was a major betrayal on his part. ######


Prompt:
It’s my Girlfriends birthday weekend. My girlfriend told me to reserve her birthday (Sunday) to devote all my time to her. I obliged...

I have some fun and romantic plans for the day. Got a custom cake and a few other goodies.
I blocked off Saturday afternoon for her as well for dinner with her family and whatever else.

I told her I’m engaging in a hobby of mine I haven’t gotten to do since lock down started on Friday.

I got absolutely flamed for not “wanting to spend time with her” even though she never said anything about that day.

Am I the asshole for wanting to do my thing instead of spending time with her? ######

Response:
 NTA

it's birth "day", not birth weekend ######


Prompt:
So  we have a daughter who turned three in January. Personally, I think  she's pretty advanced for her age. She has complex conversations with us  and can even read simple words already. She's now home with us all day  while we work because of recent events. She's definitely getting more screen  time than we would normally allow because we have to work, and she  discovered Scooby-Doo. I bought her the first two seasons of the  original version of the show that began in 1969. ("Scooby-Doo, Where Are  You?") At the time, my wife didn't say anything, even during the early  watching. I was pretty excited because this was one of my absolute  favorite shows when I was her age, and it kind of still is.

However,  my wife has decided that my daughter is no longer allowed to watch  Scooby-Doo. She is concerned that the scenes are too anxiety-inducing  for a child my daughter's age. I've spoken with my daughter and she  seems to clearly understand the monsters are just pretend people in  costumes as gets revealed at the end of each episode. She hasn't had any  nightmares or anything like that. She's always laughing at Scooby's  antics during the episodes. And she likes to pretend now that she's  Daphne as she goes around the house.

Now  that my wife has said she can't watch Scooby, my daughter is pretty  upset. She loves the show and is constantly begging to watch it now. I  typically present a united front with my wife, and I've been doing so  and not letting her watch the show now. But I have told my daughter that  if she can convince Mommy I'll let her watch the show. I'm having a  tough time reconciling that there's anything wrong with watching  Scooby-Doo and taking ownership for the decision not to let her watch  it.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

It's a TV-G series! I can imagine her banning Courage the Cowardly Dog for some intense horror moments, but Scooby-Doo is harmless. Next, you'll be telling me she lets her watch Spongebob... ######


Prompt:
Preface:
So, I (16M), have been saving up some money to purchase a new laptop. Specs are very good (2070 ti, i7 10th gen, 16gb ram, etc.) and I use it for school, gaming, and 3d modeling. So the laptop costs $1500 USD, and I currently have $1660 in my bank account. Currently the laptop is out of stock until July 15, but you can pre-order it.

My mom had bought a laptop as a gift two Christmases ago, and it doesn't run certain things well, specifically the 3d modeling software I use. My stepdad however needs a new laptop for doing some stuff for his work , so I'm looking for a new one. My mom doesn't want me getting a new laptop because, "I already have one that works." I explained to her that I was planning on giving it to my stepdad, and she didn't say anything about that. So here I am finding the perfect laptop for my purposes, and as I'm about to buy it my mom stops me.

She explains that she would rather us use her credit card so she could get points on it, and I agree. She says she will buy the laptop for me and then I would transfer the money to her account. So it's been 5 days since she said she would buy it, and I'm getting kinda annoyed. I know it's not in stock for a while, but I would like to have my order be filled first. So I've been slowly increasing the pressure on my mom to buy it.

TL:DR : I have saved money for a laptop. Mom wants to use credit card, and then transfer the money into her account. It's been 5 days and I'm slowly increasing the pressure on her to buy it.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

It's a logical thing that you first want the goods bought before transferring a chunk of money especially since you've saved for it.

Info: would she take money from you to set an example as to listen to her? ######


Prompt:
Since getting engaged, my fiancé and I have been struggling to nail down the basics, including the venue and of course, the date. Our families both have pretty busy schedules and finding a date that suited both families and was in the reasonable future has been quite challenging. Fortunately, finally settled on January 30, 2021 (COVID permitting), one of the very few weekends that both our families are available to travel and attend our wedding.

The only slight conflict with the date is that my grandmother’s birthday is the following Tuesday, on February 2nd. My grandmother lives pretty far from my immediate family and myself, and even when I was growing up we didn’t celebrate her birthday beyond a phone call. However, since the wedding date we picked is so close to her birthday, my mom is insisting that we make our wedding reception a split party between our reception and my grandmother’s birthday party. She wants to have a separate cake for my grandmother beside the wedding cake and everything. I love my grandmother, but our wedding reception will also have my fiancé’s family, our college friends, and work friends in attendance who have never met my grandmother. None of her friends will be there and I feel like it would be weird to celebrate her birthday with a bunch of strangers. Also, not to be self centered, but I kind of want my wedding day to be about me and my fiancé, particularly since we’re the ones paying for the venue, food, and entertainment. I want my grandmother to feel celebrated and loved, but I also want to have my special wedding day.

So, AITA for telling my mother no and that we should celebrate my grandmother separately? I don’t want to be a bridezilla, so I’m willing to negotiate, but I just feel super weird about it. ######

Response:
 NTA

It would be lovely to have a lunch the following day to celebrate her or even the day before, but your wedding reception that you are paying for is not a free-for-all family event celebration day. ######


Prompt:
I was supposed to go on a trip with my best friend next year, just the two of us and we'd both been saving for it. I have a credit card that rewards me airmiles and I've been using it exclusively for the past year to get a free ticket and airmiles.

We now get to travel for the price of 1 ticket instead of 2 and we get to go business class so we've saved about £1,000 each. He's suddenly decided to invite his GF, knowing full well then we don't get along. This was annoying enough and made me not want to go on the trip but now he's expecting me to use my free ticket and airmiles to make it cheaper for her as well.

I don't like her in the slightest and want to go o a trip with my best friend. As that's not happening I told him I'm not going to use my airmiles for him and her and will travel solo if she's coming. She's an awful person and being in the same car as her is bad enough, let alone a 12+ hour flight and then 10 days on holiday.

Now he's calling me an asshole because I'm making him choose between a cheap trip together, or her. ######

Response:
 NTA

It was planned to be the two of you and he just invited his girlfriend without asking you ######


Prompt:
This happened pre-Carona, but my sister still brings it up bitterly.

My sister (f27) and I (m24) had an old high school friends get together last Christmas period. We went to a small high school, so we hung around the same circles back in the day.

I was there with my boyfriend, it was late in the evening, we were all drunk and rowdy and sex jokes were being thrown around, my boyfriend made a joke that implied anal sex. Everyone laughed, except my sister.

She scowled and said, "You shouldn't talk about that, it's disgusting."

Uncomfortable silence.

I laughed put an arm around her and said maybe if she had more "unconventional" kinds of sex, maybe she wouldn't have ended up with four kids in her mid-20s.

I admit, it was a bit mean, but it broke the awkward tension so people could laugh and move on from her weird comment.

The next day she went off at me for saying that. She told our parents and other siblings, removed from the context. She says she won't ask me to babysit anymore since I think so little of her children (who I adore, I love being an uncle.) Overall, I think she's far over-reacted.

And it wasn't an unfounded joke. My sister complains about having kids all the time. She wishes she was older to have them. Every pregnancy she breaks down crying. She always talks about missed opportunities etc.

And she's extremely "pro-life", picketed outside abortion clinics and everything. My parents and family are not at all. She's gone through every pregnancy acting as a martyr, sacrificing her youth and body to do her duty.
This annoys the fuck out of me.

TL;DR

told my rude sister that if she had tried anal once in a while she could have avoided having so many unwanted kids ######

Response:
 NTA

It was clearly a joke said among friends. She obviously feels some type of way about the way her life turned out and is taking those feelings out on you.

I'm sure she saw the joke as a jab at her, but it's a joke. Even offensive/true jokes can be funny. Sometimes you have to be able to laugh at yourself. ######


Prompt:
Good luck with your new job. I hope you got the landlords permission for the lock as this is a joint tenancy, did you think I was going to still your spider man toys? Either way I'm not bothered except it looks awful and you should have asked/done a decent job of it. Anyways, hope everything goes well with your job

(The lock is perfectly lined up, fits the door flush to the edges of the door frame, and there isnt a single scuff mark around it)

Am I the arsehole for not asking his permission to install a lock on my room? Or is he the arsehole for not bringing it up until after left for 3 months? I feel like he should be happy to have a 3 bedroom house to himself for 3 months while I'm still paying full rent. ######

Response:
 NTA

It sounds, to me, like he planned to have friends over to use your room or is offended that you felt it necessary to lock him out.

This isn't truly about how the lock looks. ######


Prompt:
For context, I’ve always tried really hard at school and been for the most part an A-/A student- by no means perfect grades but generally good grades.

My brother on the other hand straight up doesn’t try at all. He’s really smart so in some classes he gets B+’s (considering how little he tries and the fact that there are large assignments that he neglects to turn in, this is pretty impressive) but there are also many classes that he’s more in the C/C- range.

My parents try to force him to do his work and they’ve gotten him tutors and stuff but my brother either refuses to get tutored or doesn’t pay attention, wasting time and money.

The thing is, now that we’re doing online learning, my parents have basically given up trying to enforce any rules on him whatsoever.

They still force me to store all of my devices in the kitchen in the night bc “blue light is harmful to sleep” but they don’t care at all that my brother is staying up past 2am playing video games with his friends.

Where the disagreement comes in is tonight, I was feeling stressed and I wanted to watch Netflix on my computer before bed.

This started an argument between my mom and I because she was refusing to let me keep my computer in my room *just that once* while at that moment my brother was playing video games with his friends.

My mom said that it was unreasonable for me to be upset because my brother and I are “going on different paths in life and so she treats us a little differently” which I understand to some extent and am usually very accepting of (this device thing isn’t the only disparity in the way we’re treated it’s just the one relevant to this story) but it just felt like such a blatant double standard that my mom wasn’t giving me this little bit of leeway in something that my brother is allowed to do literally every day.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

It sounds like your parents have wrote off your brother in terms of academics and are cutting him a lot more slack because of it. They probably have much higher expectations where you're concerned but not allowing you a bit of slack is extremely unfair. ######


Prompt:
My brother (16M) and I (18F) regularly refer to each other as “Dude”, “Boy”, Bro”, “Man”, “My guy”, etc. That’s just how we naturally talk to each other in conversations and my mom hates it because my brother “shouldn’t be using masculine words like dude” to describe me and a “proper lady” shouldn’t use words like “bro” and “dude”, etc. She said that it’s trashy, low class, and “below us”. We’ve tried to change the way we talk around her so we don’t get scolded but she still gives us a funny look when it slips out sometimes.
She also HATES it when she calls our names from far away in the house and sometimes we answer “Yeah?” Instead of “Yes?”. It’s a habit that’s hard to break because we talk to everyone else in my family along with friends like that and they don’t mind it. She’ll always say, “Don’t say “yeah” to me, it’s disrespectful. I’m your mother. Start over.” And she’ll ignore me until we say “yes.” It gets her SO worked up that it’s hard not to laugh sometimes but I don’t want to offend her if it can be taken by others the wrong way.

So am I wrong here? Idk if older adults see it differently but is saying words like “Yeah” and “Dude” offensive or disrespectful? I didn’t mean anything bad by it. ######

Response:
 NTA

it sounds as though she just likes to find things to berate you over, to feel she has some form of “control” ######


Prompt:
I work remotely (all the time, not just because of COVID-19). I make over two-thirds of our household income and am generally really busy during working hours. My husband is currently “working from home”, but his job is such that he doesn’t have to actually do anything. He’s been sleeping until noon, playing video games, smoking weed, and going out to do fun things with friends.

A lot of mornings I’ll be at my computer working and he will come in and want me to take a “sex break”. I don’t like doing this - I’m only a few months into my job and some of my responsibilities are time sensitive. I also struggle to enjoy sex when I know I should be doing something else so it would end up as me providing sex for him (which is not uncommon in our relationship, really). I usually tell him I’m working and then he will watch me and if I do so much as look at my phone while I’m waiting for something at work he will say something like “oh you’re soooo busy” and get grouchy.

I’m really, really annoyed by this and have told him that I can’t just fuck off from my job to have sex with him. I’ll offer to have sex later when I get off work, but by then he’s usually off fishing or high. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

It seems like your husband isn't grasping that you actually need to work because he's also 'working from home' and doesnt seem to be doing much from your account. He needs to realise that covid-19 isn't a holiday and you still have deadlines ######


Prompt:
I (29f) am pregnant with my first child and due to give birth in November. My BIL and his fiancée have planned to have a wedding during this time (roughly 2 weeks after my due date) and I’m super excited for them!

However they have huge plans in place, with over 100 guests. The argument started when each family member was assigned a certain wedding task. Mine was to ensure the guests walked out with their ‘thank-you’ gifts (which is to be segregated by age & gender). This would involve initiating small talks and bidding adieus to guests, coordinating with the gifting committee etc. I said that there is no way I would be able to do this after giving birth only 2 weeks earlier and this sounded ridiculous. I offered to do the excel work- sorting names, addresses and gifts but this idea was also shot down. In a short while, the argument took another direction and my in-laws went off saying that I’m being an impossible woman and exaggerating my pregnancy woes and that there are thousands of women who give birth everyday and go to work right after and this is an excuse to disrespect the family. I said I won’t be attending the wedding if that’s what they think of me. Honestly, I don’t even know how my body would react 2 weeks after giving birth and I’m worried it’s all about the wedding now and not about my health or the child’s. My husband took their side too and I’ve had it with this family!

AITA for not wanting to attend this wedding although I love my BIL and his fiancée? ######

Response:
 NTA

It may not even be two weeks after you give birth. It might be two days, or even two hours. It can’t even be guaranteed that you’ll be there. It’s absurd that they’ve given you any task. ######


Prompt:
Backstory my(23F) step father(59M) passed away over 2 years ago suddenly. Prior to his passing my sister(38F) wasn't very active in his life, she wouldn't call, visit, etc... Dad would call her at least twice a week every week and write her letters. The whole family attempted to reach her aswell but she refused to talk with our father. Christmas before he passed she showed up to the house, yelled at him and called him and various family members pretty much every name in the book and said never to contact her again.

Fast forward 4 months and our father passed away unexpectedly. She made an appearance at the funeral then she disappeared, and up until a few weeks ago when she showed up at my home out of the blue.
     Our father had a will, I was listed as in charge of his estate and all of his possessions but he did have very specific possessions in his will to be given to his son(35M) and other daughter(33F). There was also specific instructions that sister(38F) wasn't to be given anything.

When she came to my home she handed me a list of our dads possessions that she wanted. Most of the items on the list were already given to the perspective family members, I was just gonna give her some of our fathers motorcycle memorabilia and be done with it. Well she decided that wasn't enough and has been threatening legal action against me stating that my house that our father left to me should be hers and that because she's the oldest that she has legal right to it. After she said this I decided to not give her anything and told her if she came back I'd have her arrested for trespassing.

Ever since this encounter a good portion of our family is harassing me for this stating how that because I'm not his real daughter I shouldn't be so greedy towards his possessions and to give my sister some things.

My other siblings agree with my decision but a part of me still feels like I'm being an asshole. ######

Response:
 NTA

It is your father's wishes. Your father gets to decide what he gives to whom whether he's a stepfather, or a bio father.

Your father decided. Respect that and execute his wishes appropriately. ######


Prompt:
I was brought up as a Muslim and to all intents and purpose I still consider myself as one. I try to follow the religion as best as I can and I figure the disagreements are between me and God. My GF really really loves Ru Paul's Drag race, it's not my thing and I have no interest in it. After this current issue is over, she wants to go to a show and wants me to dress up in drag.

I refused, explained it's not my thing and told her to take her friends instead. I thought that was the end of it but she's been bringing it up almost twice a week now and I was getting tired of it. The last time she asked I explained that I wasn't going, that I don't agree with men dressing up as woman and want to not be asked again.

I thought that was the end of it, but now I'm getting bombarded by her friends asking why I won't go with some going as far as to call me homophobic. There's a saying in my religion which is pretty much "you have your beliefs and I have mine" which is how I try to live my life. I'm not going to tell someone how they should live their life, I'm not going to insist they change anything; I only have control over my life.

I don't want to go, I don't want to dress up in drag; end of. We're not living together at the moment so I'm just ignoring her as I feel it's kinda shitty to try and get her friends to gang up on me. ######

Response:
 NTA

It doesn't matter if you are Muslim or not, you don't want to dress in drag and you shouldn't be bullied, cajoled, pressured or guilted into dressing in drag (or doing anything you are uncomfortable with, for that matter.)

I don't understand your gf.  Is this her idea of a joke?  Is she not comfortable with you being Muslim?  She has gone far beyond any ethical standards here...for a drag show?  What is her problem?

While I think drag shows are fun and campy, my husband does not agree and I'd never ask him to accompany me to one, much less dress in drag himself. ######


Prompt:
I posted that I have a 10g fishtank set up for sale. I’m moving and can’t bring it with.

Someone contacted me asking if it was still available. I say yes. They say great, they want to use it for a ten year old red slider turtle. I let them know that this tank is way too small for a turtle (the tank is too small for a goldfish to be kept properly honestly) and that I can’t, in good conscious, sell them the tank. They go off on me saying it “isn’t up to me” to decide how they house their turtle. True, but it isn’t up to them who I sell my fishtank to. I sent them a link to a 100 gallon tank for sale for only $75 and went about my day.

((For reference, red sliders usually get to be 12” long. The tank itself is only 18” long, 10” wide. The thing wouldn’t even be able to turn around. The recommended tabk size for a single turtle is 10 gallons per inch of length. A full sized turtle would need at least 120 gallons.))

AITA for refusing to sell this person a fishtank? ######

Response:
 NTA

It all sounds a little fishy to me. ######


Prompt:
My husband (47m) and I (35f) want a public opinion on my actions today. Obligatory, sorry I'm on mobile disclaimer.

This morning I left to get groceries. I packed my car with insulated bags and a cooler with ice. This is my method when I know I'm going to several stores and want to keep cold items as cold as possible.

Yesterday a friend told me she was having a bad week so we decided to meet for coffee sometime today. After I left she messaged me and we met for coffee after I left grocery store #1.

The coffee shop is in the same town and we sat and talked for 45 minutes before going our separate ways.

I went to grocery store #2, grabbed some items and my phone dings asking what I am doing. When I tell my husband I met with my friend for 45 minutes of coffee he  starts yelling at me that I am a liar. That I am sneaking around. That I should have known that he and our son were waiting for me to return.

I apologized for not telling him about the time the coffee meetup was happening. But, I did tell him yesterday that it was going to happen today. AITA for not telling him about it when it was happening and meeting her during my grocery run? ######

Response:
 NTA

Is this normal behavior for him? You TOLD him you'd be having coffee with this friend. How could that equate to sneaking around in his mind? ######


Prompt: Title basically says it all, my mother was in control of my grandfather’s assets after his passing since he left no will, and since he didn’t leave a will she sees no issue in giving her new husband my grandfather’s Harley he specifically stated he wanted me to have. Her new husband doesn’t like me and also has no issue taking this bike but apparently I’m in the wrong for feeling like it should have been given to me. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Is there another family member you could talk to that can help you get through to your mom?

That’s pretty crappy, sorry.

What is she saying? I can imagine she may want to have some connection between her late father and new husband. But she should talk to you and explain her point and so on. It’s not cool if she left you feeling like you don’t matter and could be TA here...

I hope you’ve talked to her about her new husband overall, and she’s hopefully taking steps to help y’all build a good relationship. There are tactics and people to help with this stuff. ######


Prompt:
My parents divorced when I was 5, my dad remarried almost immediately (like within months after the divorce) and my mom remarried when I was 9 or 10 can't really remember.  My dad's wife had 4 kids who were at the time 7,5, 3 and 2 while I was 5 when we all moved in together.  Now I didn't live full time with them, I was half at my mom's half at their place and they were the same way and were only together for about 2 weeks out of the month.  It was not a good situation when we first moved in, everything from the time the youngest could walk was always a 4v1.  Every vote was always against mine, every argument with 1 became an argument with all 4, and some other stuff that made me really hate going over to my dad's if they were over.  While my mom's husband had a kid my age too I get along with her WAY better than I do the kids at my dad's house.

I was recently talking with my friend's while I'm at my dad's on the phone, my door was slightly open at the time.  My friend said something like "I didn't know your brother was on the baseball team".  I corrected him and reminded him that he is my step brother not my brother and we dropped the conversation and went on with the rest of the day.

When I was done though, my dad told me to quit it with the step sibling stuff and to just call them my siblings.  I told him I'm just being literal in what they are, but he is practically forcing me to call them my brother and sisters now.  AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

insofar as you were simply explaining to your friend why one wouldn’t realize you had a brother (of any kind) on the team. Not sure what your dad’s deal is. ######


Prompt:
My husband has been rowing on a nearby lake early mornings for about 20 years. This summer he's been going out alone most mornings.  He refuses to wear a PFD bc it interfears with his stroke.  I have never agreed with this but what can I do?  My arguments have failed.  My pleas fall on deaf ears.  So I gave up.  I can not force him to do it.

This morning he was late returning from his row.   I left to go find him after he was about 20 minutes late for work, an hour later than his usual return time.  By this time my mind was going wild with what ifs thinking he was alone on the water.

 My hopes were answered when I saw him and 2 friends walking up the path.  I didn't make a scene, and they all thanked me for checking on them.   He did not apologize, he said he was planning to see them and forgot to tell me.  He was kinda laughing when he said it. Cue the rage boiling deep...

If I'd known he was with friends I wouldn't have worried. At all.  All my anxiety and fear turned to rage.  When we got home he asked if everything was alright.  I said " I can't talk about it right now.  I know you have to go to work and I know it's going to turn into a big thing.  All my anxiety and fear have turned to rage and I cant even."  His response was " alright" and he went upstairs to work.  So now he's acting pouty like a victim because I'm having some kind of reaction.  I can't think straight and would appreciate hearing what level heads think of this.  So reddit, AITA here? ######

Response:
 NTA

Insist on him wearing a flotation device.  Perhaps get him a device like the ones this company does

https://www.lifejackets.co.uk/Lifejackets-Automatic.htm ######


Prompt:
I've known for a while now that my brother is in prison for something serious and my mother and family friend, who know the whole situation, haven't told me what for because he doesn't want people to know.

I've had no reason to care about his screw ups until recently, when I joined the navy with a job that requires a security clearance. At first I didn't care because my recruiter said i would be fine, unless he did something monumentaly stupid, but then at a friend's graduation party the family friend, who knows all, hinted that I should be worried.

Once I got home I went online and did a criminal background check on my brother to see if it was going to affect me. I got the check back and, oh boy, let's just say he's not allowed around schools if he ever gets out of prison.

I kept it to myself, until he kept calling her during our weekly dinner where he was trying to say things to me and I told her "I don't have a brother, so I don't know who he's talking to", she asked me what I ment and I told her I found out what he did. She was still on the phone with him so he heard that I found out and got mad. My mom got mad too saying things about how I ignored his wishes, went around her back, blah blah blah. I then shot back with something along the lines of, he lost his right to hide things from me the second it could affect my ability to hold a job i want.

My mother is now mad at me and isn't talking to me, apparently my brother is mad too, but the family friend who tipped me off is neutral and is the one feeding me info about my mother. Other than that, no family members or friends know about what's going on. AITA for looking into my brothers criminal history after finding out it might affect my ability to get a job i want and being left in the dark about it. ######

Response:
 NTA

In what world does someone like that possibly get to demand it stay quiet? Especially since once he eventually gets out he's probably going to be on a publicly accessible list anyway.

And the type of crime aside, as you've said, this was about your career. It is not fair that you could be held back by his illegal actions, and you deserved to know if that was indeed a risk for you. ######