Prompt:
I'm an Atheist, only my mother knows this and she hates talking about anything surrounding beliefs or her own, especially since I came out about my beliefs. She keeps her feelings about my beliefs tucked down deep.

Anyhow for context my grandmother is extremely religious, she's very much your typical old age thinking person.

Me and my mother were talking about a conversation i had with my father where he asked if I was fasting this Ramadan and I said no.

After that she told me not to tell my uncle I'm not fasting if he calls me since he lives with his mother (my grandmother) who he would likely tell since it would bother her.

I said no I'm not lying, you know me and who I am, if my grandmother can't handle the fact that I'm not fasting then so be it, that's her problem not mine.

WIBTA? ######

Response: NTA if they ask and you tell them. No reason to lie for their sensibilities. More of a toss up if you volunteer that information without them asking. You do you though. ######


Prompt:
So I took over care of a dog because the owners  thought she was too hyper and didn't want her because they didn't know how to train her to not be hyper so my friend suggested me because I am a dog lover and am good at training, they gave me the dog like the dog is mine completely the are never getting her back especially because in my opinion they were abusing her but that's a completely different story.

I tried calling the dog by the name they had given it Peanut, I tried for 3 days to get her to respond to it I couldn't get so much as an ear twitch she just wouldn't respond, so I tried calling her Honey she instantly responded if I called her Honey and asked her to sit she would do it right away if I called her from across the house calling her Honey she would come running. My friend who arranged for me to get the dog is saying that I shouldn't just change her name and that she's had that name for 3 years. As well as saying it's disrespectful to change the dog's name, I'm just at a loss for if I'm being unreasonable? I also asked that my friend please use the name Honey when refering to my dog because thats her name now. So am i the one being an asshole?

Since people keep asking here is Honey
My baby! https://imgur.com/gallery/bn8300N ######

Response: NTA if she replies to Honey then that’s her name. My dogs name was Howell before I got him and I changed it to Ollie and he instantly took to it. Also - it’s your fricking dog now. Your friend needs to chill. ######


Prompt:
My flatmates girlfriend has been living here the past few weeks (not visiting- living here 24/7) and I told him today it's not cool and so he told her to leave. They have only been dating a short while (couple months) and she normally lives with her family.

For context: they don't just stay in their room- they occupy the common areas all the time. It is a small apartment for two people. For example we have a sofa for two people in the living room, when she is over I can't sit down and enjoy the TV as they are in there cuddling all the time.

Currently none of us are working also which exasperated the issue as we were seeing each other 24/7 and I felt like I had no personal space anymore. ######

Response: NTA if she is not paying she cant live there ######


Prompt:
My stepmother (49F), who we'll call Mary, is a conservative, and also does extreme racist things, which I'm not going to delve into right now. She got married to my dad when I was 14, and after she moved in, she used to force me to diet, and tell me that men liked women who did this, and that.

She and my dad moved into my apartment as they lost their house due to the virus. They are not paying any expenses, or chipping in.

Yesterday at dinner, I told them my boyfriend was moving in with us, and she replied with "India? Which state is he from?" and I tell her Kerala. So she tells me that he can't move in with us because he's from Asia, and Kerala is a dirty place where uneducated people live, etc, that he can't move into her house, and that I need to break up with him ASAP.

I told her that she doesn't own my apartment, and if she doesn't like him being in MY apartment, she can move out. Also called her out for her racism and ignorance.

She got up crying and rushed into my bedroom. Heard things being thrown around and breaking, so I went in, and found a ceramic music box my grandpa got me shattered in pieces.

I was furious. My grandpa is dead, and that was one of the only things I had from him. I actually snapped. Told her that she isn't my mother, and she can't go around having tantrums and did some other things I'm not ashamed of, and then kicked her out.

My dad says that I should apologise, and I told him he might as well get out of my house as well.
Boyfriend moved this morning, and my actual mom did too. These are the only two people who think Mary had it coming. My dad called me up an hour ago, and told me that I really hurt her with my comments, especially the one where I told her she was not my mom, and so I blocked him.

My step aunt caught wind of this, and told me I was an ungrateful brat what with her taking care of me my entire childhood when my "failure of a mother couldn't."

So, Reddit, AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA if NOTHING else she PURPOSELY broke a very special DEAD relatives’ item. Because you wouldn’t immediately break up with someone she irrationally deemed unhygienic.

If she didn’t want to stir the pot she probably shouldn’t have had an entitled temper tantrum where she broke your possessions. SHE can apologize AND she can either replace with monetary value the stuff she broke or she can try to glue it all back together.

Either way you are NOT THE ASS!!! I’m so mad for you!!! ######


Prompt:
I’m getting married soon (don’t worry it’s a covid safe option). Everything has been kind of sinking in and while I can’t wait to marry him, I’m feeling a little sad about giving up my “identity” by becoming “Mrs XYZ.”   I’m well known within my field and earned a Masters degree with this name, am nationally/globally licensed with this name.

Our names are NOT compatible for hyphenation; it would be like a 20 letter last name.

I asked tonight if he would be upset if I didn’t change my last name. He was not impressed and stated that it’s tradition, and that I must not want to share my kids last name or be a real family with him. I think I just hurt his feelings, but AITA for not feeling great about giving up my name? ######

Response: NTA If it’s important to him that you all share a last name he could take yours. ######


Prompt:
I own a building with three units in it. I live in one of them and rent out the other two. One of the reasons I bought this place because it has a huge garage. The garage was technically made so it could accommodate cars from the three units. I however use the whole space for myself.

Anyway a while ago one of my tenants has asked if they’re boyfriend can move in and be added to the lease. I had no problem with that and we did all the paperwork.

It turns out her boyfriend is disabled and unable to walk long distances. I got a text from her asking if he can have a spot to park in the garage because he’s having a hard time finding parking on the street that close enough.

I reminded her I do not provide parking to any of my tenants and that I am already using all the space.

She said that I have to provide handicapped parking.

Now I have actually looked this up before in case this was an issue and I informed her how legally I only have provide handicapped parking if I provide parking to any of my tenants which I do not and am also not required to provide.

She replied to me saying:
“He’s disabled! He needs the space more than you do. Do you expect him to walk home from blocks away and injure himself”

So I tried to stay neutral in my reply:

“I understand that that parking is an issue for him. If the both of you would like to leave and find a  new place to live I can end your lease early after this month”

She said “seriously? You’re not going to accommodate your disabled tenant? And you expect us to move out with everything going on. Wow. He’s going to hurt himself and it’s going to be all your fault”

Look I really do understand that he is disabled and he could injure himself if he is forced to park so far away, but I feel like I always made the parking situation clear with my tenants. ######

Response: NTA If it's been clear the entire time she's lived there that you do not provide parking for your tenants, it's her own negligence if her boyfriend gets hurt. If it was really important to her boyfriend to have close parking, she should have inquired about it before having him move in. Of course, I'm sympathetic to her boyfriend's struggle, but that doesn't make it your fault that she didn't do her due diligence and put her boyfriend's needs first. You went as far as to offer to let them out of their lease, which I don't think many landlords would do. I think you're in the clear here. ######


Prompt:
I don’t know if it’s relevant, but I’m 20 and I live with my parents and my brother (25). On to the story.

We live in a somewhat rural area. My Mom and Dad went for a walk with the dogs. On the walk, my Dad saw an orange on the side of the road. We don’t live in an area where oranges grow, so clearly someone dropped or threw it out of their car. Over the protests of my Mom, he picked it up and brought it home because it’s a “perfectly good” orange. My Mom was upset about this but didn’t want to confront him, instead talked to me about how she’s worried about bugs and fruit flies and also the orange is gross. Which I agreed with. My brother, my Mom, and I all separately talked to him about how the orange is gross, he got angry and said, “that’s a perfectly good orange, if you don’t want it you don’t have to eat it.”

Two days after he picked it up, I walked into the kitchen. And saw it in the fruit bowl with all the good fruit. He keeps picking it up and putting it in the fruit bowl when I remove it. I saw that it was turning brown and I touched it and it was mushy. I couldn’t take it anymore and I threw that fucking thing down the garbage disposal.

I got an earful from my Dad, who was furious. I also got an earful from my Mom and my brother for making him furious when we’re all trapped together, and it’s just an orange.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA if it was such a good orange, why didn't your Dad eat it? ######


Prompt:
today my stepdad refused to let my little sister put makeup on him and when i asked him why, he said it's because men aren't allowed to use makeup. i told him that it's 2020 and dozens of men wear makeup, to which he replied those people weren't "real men". i asked him to elaborate and he said that since they chose to play a feminine role, they weren't men.

i'm a lesbian and while my parents know that, they don't want to believe it and refuse to let me talk about it or properly come out to them. i asked him if me dressing masculine (which is something i do, simply because i like the look on me) makes me less of a woman. he said yes.

i called him out on his bullshit and told him he’s being ignorant. then i left the room. now he acts like i'm being dramatic and should stop ignoring him. am i the asshole? ######

Response: NTA If I were you I would make him tell you his favourite actors or celebrities and then show him videos of them in a dressing room, WWE fan? All makeup. Reality TV? Makeup. He has a mentality on that which is all kinds if messed up and illogical. ######


Prompt:
So before I start I 1000% know I’m petty but I wanna know if I’m TA because she’s now crying and I feel like I’ve gone too far...

So the other day she lost something, we were both looking for it and I was actively searching in front of her for this thing. During the search I got a text from my best friend that he’d been hit by a car while on his bike. Obviously I was crazy worried and other still looking for the thing my mind obviously wasn’t on the task anymore. My mum started to shout at me that I don’t care about her and her stuff. I explained what had happened and why my mind was wondering. Her response was ‘he’s just a friend, I don’t really care right now.’ Obviously this really annoyed me.

Fast forward to right now. I’m currently looking for something of mine, I ask for her help. Not even a minute in she stops completely. I ask what’s up and she says she’s not bothered about my thing right now as she just got a text from her friend. Her friend had just been called a ‘fat cow.’ I said ok. She gave me daggers and I said what do you want me to say? No different to what you did to me the other day? She is now crying and has left the room?

AITA?

TLDR: Mum said she didn’t care about my friend so I said the same. ######

Response: NTA if I was a parent and my kid casually dismissed their friend getting hit by a car I would be way more concerned about that. ######


Prompt:
I’ve got a gaming PC that I’ve built and upgraded over the years, currently (i7 7700k, 1080ti, 16 gigs of ram)

Ever since I graduated I’ve been traveling a lot for work so it doesn’t see as much action as it used to

A cousin of mine ( met them maybe once or twice so far) needs a computer for school and it was suggested he take mine since it’s rarely being used, I flat out refused because

1. I do use it game when I have the time and I’m back home
2. I’m a bit possessive about it.
3. I know that they can’t pay me back if they damage it

I’ve been called selfish and inconsiderate so let’s hear it AITA ######

Response: NTA if I built it and put money into it I’m keeping it. ######


Prompt:
I am a 20yr zoology and environmental science student from the US. I was on a hike with my mom and brother to celebrate the end of the online semester when I saw a honeybee on a dandelion. I looked down to take a picture and started talking about how they are endangered and how cute they are when my 18 yr brother full on stomped on the bee. I yelled at him in surprise and was super pissed that the bee was dead for no reason. He claimed he did it bc he’s scared of bees.
I was mad at him the rest of the day, basically just being curt and not very talkative with him. My parents think I am just being sensitive, which I probably am, but I think its wrong to hurt an endangered species just because you are scared of them. It’s a bee, please just walk away. But in the end I may be acting like an asshole for giving him the cold shoulder. AITA? ######

Response: NTA If he’s scared of bees he should stay away from them, not approach them closer to stomp on them. Whether he’s afraid of them or not, he was deliberately provoking you. ######


Prompt:
Over the months, I've finally had time to paint and so I've made money off painting art commissions. I ordered a Switch and its meant to arrive some ime this week, and so I withdrew some cash so I can pay for it (cash on delivery)

Now the problem is, my family has seen the wad of cash and has gradually borrowed money from it that it went from 12k to 2k. It's fine because I'm tracking the package and it wont be here 'til Monday, so I still have time to withdraw more cash and thankfully, I still have enough even if they don't pay me by then if my tracking is correct. And usually they notify me first and ask nicely.

This morning, my brother just casually dropped he took money from my wallet this morning while I was asleep. I got pissed and said "you people aren't entitled to my money". He got pissed too and said I shouldn't be acting like that, that he has been earning far longer and he never got my selfish attitude, and that he at least said she took it right now because she didn't want to wake me up.

AITA for my attitude over my money? ######

Response:
 NTA if he’s been an earning longer he shouldn’t need to take your money over and over. I get helping people out but they can’t keep taking from you. How can you ever have your own money if they do. He pretty much stole from you in your sleep. It’s like they searched for your hidden money since it was packed away. They were already snooping and found it.

~~How can you let people take 10k from you?!~~

~~Also why did you have 12k just lying around the house? Family or not, that’s not the smartest thing. Plus, The switch doesn’t cost that much unless we aren’t taking about dollars $ and the value is different?~~

Edit: If it is Kroner then that’s $1,200 and they took $1k, which makes more sense. ######


Prompt:
Context: Me (29f) and husband (32M) have been married for just over 3 months.

My sister bought a Birkin in store a few months ago, and asked me if I wanted to buy it from her. I've always wanted that specific bag, and it's been sold out everywhere so when she offered I jumped.

My husband and I have separate finances except for one joint account for household expenses. We also decided on a percentage of income to save for future baby, retirement etc.  I come from a wealthy family, so I do have a bit of money that I did not get from my work. Prior to our marriage we had the same system of mostly separate finances, one joint account. Neither of us kicked up a fuss when we bought expensive things as long as we didn't pay for it using our joint account or dip into the agreed savings.

While this may not be perfect, it worked well for us. I bought the bag and brought it home. My husband saw it and freaked out. He said I shouldn't have bought such an expensive bag without asking him first. I tell him that it was my money and I didn't break any of the aforementioned rules. He replied that it's different since we are married now and that everything I own is his now as well, and that I can't spend on useless things anymore.

I'm just, genuinely confused. I didn't dip into my savings, nor did I use our joint account. This was a system we had for 5 years before we got married and he didn't have an issue with it. ######

Response: NTA if he wants to change the rules he needs to talk to you about it ######


Prompt: I chose to lock up with my family while my state is on lock down. Mistake. My stepfather is an ass. Man has never once said thank you in his life and will complain about everything and anything. He rides my ass 24/7 and makes me feel about 2 feet tall. Well I decided to make us a nice dinner. Stuffed boneless chicken, herb rice, baked potatos, all the fixens. The works. This man stood over my shoulder and cried and whined the entire time. He wanted cheese rice instead. Why wasn't I stacking the chicken in the stove. I was gonna overcook the chicken it needs to be 150 instead of 165 no one wants overcooked chicken. My potatos were "Wrong. Just wrong". He kept saying that. "Wrong. Just wrong. I cooked in the navy". Finally he kept snapping at me to pull up my "Sorces" on how to cook chicken and I snapped and pulled the tray out of the stove and told him to cook his own f*cking meal then I left and took a shower. I get that that was childish but like half the family has spent days locked in their room to avoid his crying needy whiny bullshit so I don't get why my family is mad at me. I am so sick of playing mommy to a 50 year old man. ######

Response: NTA if he doesn't like what you're making he can shut his mouth and make his own food. ######


Prompt:
I was unloading my groceries and found a devotional booklet and a note from my instacart person encouraging me to find Jesus in these dark times.

My order was otherwise just fine, and I won’t change my tip, but I don’t I don’t know how assholish I would be leaving a low star review for the literature.  I don’t want to fuck with anyone’s income, and I’m sure this person thinks they’re being kind, but I find the proselytizing unprofessional and exceedingly unwanted.

So, WIBTA giving low star review with a complaint about the religious literature? ######

Response:
 NTA If everyone did what this worker did, going outside would be hell.Not like anyone's leaving "consider not believing in god or burn" pamphlets.

Good on you for being invested enough to leave a review (but maybe don't be to upset about something kinda insignificant, in case you were) ######


Prompt:
My fiancé and I were supposed to get married at the end of this month, obviously it’s been moved. We’re now planning on the beginning of January of 2021.

I’m Asian-American, half Chinese half Japanese, but no one in my family has lived in Asia since my maternal grandmother. And she’s the only one. Everyone else directly related to me was born in America and lives here. I don’t follow any Chinese or Japanese customs, I don’t speak the language, I’m completely American. If I was white you wouldn’t be able to tell I had Asian roots. But I’m not white obviously.

My fiancé’s parents have always been a little racist. They’ve made off hand remarks here and there that were a bit suspect, but I tried not to over think them and ignored it. But a few days ago my fiancé was video chatting with them and I sat down with him to say hi. His mom then says “you’re lucky you didn’t catch it from her”. My fiancé mad a bit of a half assed effort to explain that’s not how it works, but he got talked over and then he gave up.

Afterwards I told him he had to confront his parents about it and at least make them stop saying that kind of thing in front of me. They can think whatever the hell they want, but to my face they should at least be trying to be respectful.

He claimed he already tried and nothing came of it, etc etc, but I don’t think he’s ever truly confronted them, just told them how they were wrong. I told him that unless he confronts them they can’t come to the wedding.

He got mad and said that I’m going overboard and it’s unfair to try and pressure him to choose like that. I’m not making him choose, I just want him to talk some sense into him.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA if can't stand up to obvious racism now he's not magically going to grow a spine and stand up for you and your children later ######


Prompt:
My parents split when I was around 6ish, my dad never remarried but my mom remarried almost recently to a guy who had 3 kids who were 8, 5 and 2 and I was 7 at the time.  I don't want to fully blame my mom but she rushed things, I wasn't hot on my parents divorcing and then BAM I had a new family just like that and my dad didn't matter other than the 3 days every other week I was at his place.

I never really liked having a new family cause I had a family and it was uprooted and had a brand new one in less than 2 years.  The kids felt almost the exact same way cause their dad rushed things just as bad.  The "family" didn't blend at all, and when I turned 15 I started spending a lot of my time at my dad's.  I hold no grudge against the steps but they aren't my family and if asked they would say the same about me.  Only reason I don't live with him full time is cause its pretty bad and is literally lopsided.

I don't know what happened and he's never done this before but when I came over there he started to lecture me about the importance of "family" and that I should try to get to know my "siblings" more.  That struck a cord cause it sounds something almost exactly like what my mom would say and I told him that he was sounding like mom and left the house.  I spent the night at my friend's house before returning to my mom's.  AITA? ######

Response: NTA if after 8 years you still don't have a bond with them, it's clearly never gonna happen and your mother needs to stay out of your dads business ######


Prompt:
A few years ago a friend of mine was given the whole set of a manga collection (around 20 books or so) from a family friend. She wasn't overly interested in manga so decided to gift them to me for my birthday.

I LOVE this series; it's one of my favourites and I was planning on taking this set to university with me in a few months. However earlier today this friend messaged me, in a group chat mind not PM, asking if she could have the books back. She claimed that the original owner wanted them back, so she wanted them back to return to the owner.

To be honest I don't want to give them back; they were originally a present to my friend who gifted them to me, and I feel that both my friend and the original owner are being rude to ask for them back.

WIBTA if I said I want to keep them?

Quick Update: I talked to my friend about it and she had never wanted to ask for them back in the first place. Her family is rather strict and believes that "you should always help your family no matter what". The original owner (her family friend) had been harassing my friend to get the books back, and only asked me to get them to stop nagging her. ######

Response: NTA if a person gives a gift there is no return even more if it has been years. ######


Prompt:
This is an awkward one... so making it short

I am a 22 year old guy living with parents right now. My 84 year old grandmother, after the death of her husband, became depressed and her health declined rapidly. She has become quiet and frail, with the intelligence of a baby, and she cannot even eat or go bathroom without help.

My parents were out for a while and they've asked me to keep an eye on grandma till her caretaker arrives. She was supposed to come by 4.30pm. Grandma was sleeping so it should have been a breeze, or so I thought.

Around 3pm, grandma peed herself. She was not on diapers because she could make noise when she needed to go, but this time she did it on her bed directly.

I cleaned her up. When I say cleaned, I don't think you need more hints. I kind of carried her off the bed, pulled off her pants and you know, wiped her clean and changed her a pair of clean pants. Hey she is an old woman and could not help herself, so I help her, nothing inappropriate, or so I thought.

Both my parents and the caretaker gave me very weird looks after telling them what I did. I wasn't scolded or what, just told that if there were a next time, to call the caretaker instead and she would come sooner. My mother also said that it was incredibly rude and disrespectful to touch my grandmother as a guy, even if she barely had much awareness.

AITA for this? ######

Response:
 NTA if a male caretaker did this, would it be weird? You took care of your grandmother! Was it weird when your grandmother changed your diapers as a baby? NO! You're in reversed roles right now, not weird, not inappropriate, and anyone who says otherwise is the one with the problem. Were you supposed to let her sit in urine soaked sheets and clothes for hours?

You're a GREAT grandson. ######


Prompt:
My mom has wanted someone to come professionally deep clean our house for a long time. It’s pretty expensive, so I suggested paying my boyfriend to deep clean since he’s very good at cleaning. She agreed and named her price, but later she made a snide comment about how my boyfriend should’ve offered to clean our house for free

I got extremely pissed because my boyfriend never asked to be paid for this. Paying him to clean our house was a conversation between me and my mom. My boyfriend had no idea that we even wanted him to clean her house.

She defended herself saying she would’ve paid him more if he had never asked for money. I kept trying to explain to her that he never asked her to pay him because he didn’t even know we were thinking of hiring him until I told him. My boyfriend would have done this for free if I asked him, but I just don’t feel comfortable asking someone to clean my mom’s house without paying them.

I lost my patience and blew up on her and told her she shouldn’t expect people to do her huge favors for free all the time, even if she pays them as a thank you. I also lectured her about how cleaning your whole house isn’t a normal favor and she shouldn’t have had any expectations my boyfriend would do this for free. ######

Response: NTA I’ve been reading a lot of r/choosingbeggars and your mom reminds me of some of those people tbh lol ######


Prompt:
Hey everyone, long time lurker but first time posting. My bf (23m) and I (21f) have been together almost 2 years now, I fell pregnant pretty early on in the relationship which I understand was hard because we didn’t get much time to just ourselves before our son came along.

I’m unsure how to type this because I’m exhausted as it’s 3am here but I’m just so upset. Since our son has been born my partner has woken up in the morning with him once. Every single day no matter what time and even if I worked the night before I still get up in the mornings. Our son is still exclusively breastfeeding so I do the night wakings as well. Sometimes it can be every hour he wakes especially when he’s teething. My partner gets the sleep through it all, which I understand because our son is breastfeeding but it’s still hard. Most nights my partner stays up playing his games till 2-3am and sleeps until I wake him at 10-11am. I’ve tried waking him earlier but he’s not a morning person and gets mad and tries to ignore me to go back to sleep. So we usually end up fighting. Tonight I woke up to find him awake again and I just snapped because I’m so sick of watching him get to stay up as late as he wants to and sleep in every single day. I’ve tried to speak to him about it multiple times before but nothing has changed, I’m so exhausted all the time and I feel like he doesn’t give a damn. He got pissed off because of my “attitude” towards him. I don’t know what to do but he’s treating me as tho I’m in the wrong for getting mad at him for this. So AITA here? Can anyone suggest a way to talk to him about this without being TA? I’m so tired so I hope this makes sense..

Edit- I should add here that he’s an amazing dad when he’s awake during the day, it’s just this one issue of never actually getting out of bed in the mornings.

Edit 2- my son refuses bottles no matter how hard we try so I can’t express my milk for him to do feedings. ######

Response:
 NTA I’m so sorry. He’s not being a responsible dad and partner leaving it all on you. This is not right. You need help and he needs to step up. You’re barely sleeping and he’s playing video games and yelling at you for asking for help

I don’t know if you want to go to a couples counselor or have some family step in to back you up or what but you’re not in the wrong here ######


Prompt:
Last year my parents lost almost everything they had, they literally had no money to buy food. They were always nice to me and they paid for my college so I thought it was kind of my duty to support them untill they become financially independent again
I (28m) am making 120k a year, but still since we we were living in the same city I decided to move in with my parents to not to waste money on rent while I help them financially. My dad got his business again, so far it is going well even though there almost no profits. I am hoping that it will soon be profitable.
My brother (32m)also lives with my parents and he is a total failure, he has never had a job. He only had a few failed businesses (my parent gave him the money to start the business). For the last 1 year I have been the sole source of income for the family, I have been paying for the food, utilites and all the other costs. Since my brother has never had a job, he cant get a job right now and my parents no longer have the money to give him to start another failed business, he has been unemployed. And he has ego problem, he cant go work minimum wage jobs. I recently learned that my brother has been taking money from my parents (the money I give them) and spending on going out with his friends. When I learned it I told my parents that he should not get any money, and he should not even eat the food I buy untill he gets a job on his own, even if it is a minimum wage job. My parents told me that I was overreacting and my brother called me the AH. Am I really the asshole here? ######

Response: NTA I’m so done with siblings at this point ######


Prompt:
My Daughter has been in a relationship for 10 months and we really like the kid, he's a great kid, gets good grades and addresses us with "Sir" and "Ma'am" respectively. So, it's not like we disapprove..However, every month it's "Hey mom it's our 1 month can I order us grubhub?" "Its our 2 month, 3 month" ECT. You get the point.
We just moved into a bigger house, so naturally, bills are more. We haven't even received our first round of bills yet and we're apprehensive about blowing money. Everytime she orders it's at least 35 dollars!
So, here's the questionable statement I made. "Guys, I love you both and you know we like having you around boyfriend, so don't take this the wrong way. Not every month is an anniversary and doesn't require spending 30-50 dollars. I know they feel special and that's great but Dad and I can't afford to blow money right now"
There it is..I was met with dagger stares and my daughter exclaimed "Wow mom, thanks for taking a dump on our happiness!" Boyfriend just looked embarrassed and didn't say anything. He's usually the one trying to get her under control. My daughter has a hot head like her Father. Am I the asshole?? I don't feel like I should have to fork out money for food, rides to special locations and go out of my way everytime they make it another month. 14yo daughter btw.

Info: she's paid 200 a month, I had already prepared dinner with more than enough to go around and the questionable statement I made was after 5-6 "but why??" Statements. I shouldn't have down played their day, I was young once and had a first long boyfriend. There will definitely be some family budgeting and personal budgeting talks but I'm hoping this teen parenting thing gets more seamless in 10 years because her 4yo sister is next😂 ######

Response: NTA I’m a teenage girl, so I feel I have a pretty good stance from her side as well. If she wants to spend a ton of money on her and her boyfriend she could always get a job. Then she could see for herself how hard earning money is and why you don’t want to spend that much every month currently. Also, does the BF chip in at all?! I’m from the Midwest and we either Go Amish or He pays unless the girl makes significantly more. ######


Prompt:
My brother (16M) and I (18F) regularly refer to each other as “Dude”, “Boy”, Bro”, “Man”, “My guy”, etc. That’s just how we naturally talk to each other in conversations and my mom hates it because my brother “shouldn’t be using masculine words like dude” to describe me and a “proper lady” shouldn’t use words like “bro” and “dude”, etc. She said that it’s trashy, low class, and “below us”. We’ve tried to change the way we talk around her so we don’t get scolded but she still gives us a funny look when it slips out sometimes.
She also HATES it when she calls our names from far away in the house and sometimes we answer “Yeah?” Instead of “Yes?”. It’s a habit that’s hard to break because we talk to everyone else in my family along with friends like that and they don’t mind it. She’ll always say, “Don’t say “yeah” to me, it’s disrespectful. I’m your mother. Start over.” And she’ll ignore me until we say “yes.” It gets her SO worked up that it’s hard not to laugh sometimes but I don’t want to offend her if it can be taken by others the wrong way.

So am I wrong here? Idk if older adults see it differently but is saying words like “Yeah” and “Dude” offensive or disrespectful? I didn’t mean anything bad by it. ######

Response: NTA I’ll bet your mom is super fun at parties. ######


Prompt:
I (F24) live with my mom and we have a new neighbor (F45+) who moved in about 4 months ago. We do know her before she moved in and my mom is friends with her (they're both about 45+ yrs old) I actually really like her and she's pretty cool.

While we all were in quarantine (I stayed alone at home and my mom stayed with her bf) her son stayed at her place (he's 23)
They would invite me for coffee and if they baked something they would always bring me some (and vice versa) so it was pretty nice. The last neighbours had 3 screaming kids and It drove me insane so having adults that i can sit with and talk to is really nice.

The topic somehow came up and we talked about me being a tattoo artist. Her son got super excited and asked me if I could tattoo him, I said of course but once the quarantine is over. His mom got really upset and asked me not to tattoo him. She actually has 2 small tattoos and he has 1 or 2 that are kind of medium? She hates his tattoo and hers are pretty old and think she doesn't really like them anymore.(I offered her free of charge to fix one of them but she doesn't want to)

Anyway I dropped it.

Now we're here 2 months later and tattoo artists in my country got approval to tattoo again.
Yesterday he texted me he has a birthday tomorrow and he wants to drop by to get a tattoo and that he's also bringing his friends to get tattooed (which is amazing for me because I'm doing not very well financially due the quarantine)
I told him yes but I kind of feel guilty. I don't want his mom being upset with me because I really like her (I also take out her dog almost everyday) and I don't want her to be upset with me for tattooing him.

WIBTA if I tattoo him and without her knowledge? ######

Response: NTA I’d say you’d be in the clear, he’s 23, he can make his own life decisions. ######


Prompt:
I know the title sounds AWFUL, but hear me out. Throwaway in case she’s on reddit. This story happened before pandemic hit.

My roommate is a sweetheart most of the time, and I like to think that we’re pretty good friends. However, since she was randomly assigned to our apartment, I understand that she has different boundaries than I do which I respect whole-heartedly. She locks her bedroom door when shes not home, and while it does kind of sting that she’d think me or other roommate would do something nefarious, I get it. Our doors have two locks on them; both have a key, but one is flimsy. She stayed the night at her partners house one day, and has a stand alone alarm clock that she uses instead of her phone.

Well, evidently she forgot to turn off the clock and at 7AM it started beeping. I had gotten done working a night shift and was BONE tired. All I wanted was the alarm clock to go off. I called and texted her 3-4x, but she didn’t pick up. So, I went upstairs, picked the bedroom flimsy door lock with my fingernail, and turned the alarm off so I could rest. She came home and was pretty upset asking what I was doing in her room, despite me telling her that the alarm went off for a long time while she was gone. She ended up locking herself in her room and things were tense for a long while after, and I have passed her locking both locks in her room as of recently.  At one point she was on the phone upstairs telling her friend how I broke into her room (thin walls). I feel awful.

Was I an asshole for essentially breaking into her room so that I could turn her alarm off? I feel like theres a weird dynamic shift now. ######

Response:
 NTA I’d be mortified if I left an alarm going that long and I wasn’t there to stop it.

That said, if it happens again, a good way to turn it off would be to turn your main breaker on and off. Then it would kill power to the alarm and you wouldn’t have to go in there! ######


Prompt:
I was contacted by a lawyer about a month after my ex died. He informed me of my ex’s death and apologized for contacting me so late. He said he had a hard time finding me. He then explained how I was still listed on his will as his sole beneficiary even though we had been divorced for over 3 years now.

He asked what address I wanted  the check for his my ex’s remaining bank balance to be sent to as well as his ashes. He also informed me that my ex’s landlord could only hold onto his things for another two weeks

Since my ex still owed me a lot of money I decided to keep the $4000 that he had in the bank. It was less than what he he owed me ($12,000), but it was all I was ever going to get.

As for his ashes and his stuff I told the lawyer I didn’t want any of it.

But I do know my ex had three kids. When we were together he always refused to talk about them (red flag, I know now) and would see them maybe once a year all on his own. So I didn’t know much about them at all. Other than they lived in Texas.

So I told the lawyer that he had three kids, but I didn’t know their contact info or their last name. Just that they lived in Texas. I told him he could try looking through my ex’s stuff to see if he could find out more about them and see if they wanted any of it.

The lawyer said okay and that he would take care of it and that was pretty much the end of the conversation and I forgot about the whole thing.

It’s been about two months since that call and one of my ex’s daughters contacted me on Facebook yesterday. After a very short introduction herself she called me a bitch for just taking all his money that it should be theirs and that it was messed up leaving all his stuff to be thrown away. She said  I could have at least tried to find them and that it’s my fault they now nothing to remember him by and have lost all of their family pictures from when they were little.

And that’s where I am now. ######

Response: NTA I've had a life insurance policy and will since I was 25. It's my responsibility to make sure in the event of my death my possessions and my family/friends are taken care of. Not theirs. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway account; he uses reddit too.

Background:My husband and I are both 27 and have been married for almost 3 years, no kids.

I have suffered with OCD for the majority of my life. I was officially diagnosed when I was 23 and finally got medication. The medication has greatly reduced my panic attacks, but it has also made me tired all the time.

My husband finds some of my OCD tics fascinating, which I don't blame him for, because I can see why he thinks that. I have talked to him about all my weirdest ones: the fact that I can't have my hands in the same position at the same time, the fact that I can't touch the mole on my neck or else I have compulsions to squeeze the skin, etc. (There are many more but those are most relevant.)

Sometimes, my husband induces my OCD to mess with me. Like if he's holding my hands and forces them into the same position to see how I'll react. I've talked to him about it and hes since stopped doing that.

Today, he playfully touched the mole on the back of my neck. I was like "we talked about this; why do you trigger my OCD on purpose?"

He went on about how I need to overcome this anxiety and he was helping with my exposure to it. I told him he's not a licensed therapist and he's just stressing me out. I've gone to therapy. I see a psychiatrist frequently. I let the professionals handle that.

I was crying about how I feel he's disrespectful of my OCD by trying to induce those feeling's on purpose. He said that he's bothered that I'm giving in to irrational fears.

Now I'm crying and trying to remove myself from the situation but he's keeps telling me it's just a mole and I need to act like people treat it in the real world. I KNOW that logically; I try to explain to him that OCD is illogical which is why I treat it with therapy and medication, and why I feel disrespected when he messes with it on purpose for no real reason.

Who's the asshole here? ######

Response:
 NTA I'm SO angry on your behalf.

Have you mentioned the word sadistic to him? The fact that he doesn't "get" OCD doesn't excuse his behavior. If you had PTSD from a home invasion, would he sneak up on you wearing a ski mask to help you _get over it_? PTSD isn't "logical" either. UGH!

So he knows enough about you, your life, your experience, psychology, brain chemistry, OCD etc that he can "fix you" simply by badgering, taunting, and  tormenting you into mental health? What an ignorant, arrogant, cruel AH.

If he won't stop _torturing_ you, you'd be SO much better alone. ######


Prompt:
This is a throwaway account and I sincerely tried to word this correct.

Last year I got really sick and I lost a lot of weight, resulting with me on TPN and a feeding tube. I get 100% of my nutrition from both of these lines. I had to move back home and my mom became qualified to be my caregiver and she is being paid for helping me. When I get eat I get sick 100% of the time but I still want to be able to eat and taste food, and my doctor encourages eating so that I can maintain some function. My doctor knows I get sick and still expects me to eat and I want to eat so I do. My mother thinks I'm selfish because shes my caregiver and she knows I'll just get sick if I eat, which is more stress and anxiety for her. I talked to her over it and I told her that the majority of the time when I get sick I dont make any mess, and if I do I clean it up. She said that it's more than that because when I'm sick it adds a bunch of stress to the family because they are worrying about me instead of doing their own business. I genuinely feel bad about that but also I'm hungry. My TPN and tube bypasses my stomach so I dont get any satisfaction or fullness and I really miss food. My mom thinks I'm TAH for adding extra stress and I dont mean to be. I want to eat without it affecting anyone else but because that's impossible AITA ######

Response:
 NTA I'm NJ tube dependent as well and not eating is horrible. I do exactly the same as you. Only worry I have is that when I puke, I could flip my tube into my stomach and organising endoscopies as a single parent is a nightmare.

Surely they would be worried/stressed if you didn't eat anyway. Your body/health isn't there for their convenience. I had the same problem with using a wheelchair but my family just have to deal with it. It's hard though because when they act like that, they make your illness/body about them and add to the humiliation of the whole situation. ######


Prompt:
(On mobile so apologies for spelling and formatting)

I (19F ) have nipple piercings. I keep a simple barbell in them, nothing overly fancy or protruding. Once online classes started I stopped wearing a bra to online lectures. I figure my boobs are stable enough (they don’t really move on their own)  and they probably won’t be in frame so what’s the big deal. I don’t wear tight or revealing clothing, just baggy-full sized non-cropped tees or hoodies.

The only class that I have the camera on for regularly is my 30 person advanced math proofs class. Friday, my cat knocked over my camera for less than a minute before I noticed. My piercings were outlined by the drapes (?) of my baggy shirt, but only if you know what you are looking for. I quickly fixed my camera and thought nothing better of it.

After class, my professor emailed me and asked me to “please dress more appropriately for class in the future” and that “my very obvious nipple piercings were distracting while he was trying to teach”. I honestly think this is a.) creepy af and b.) a big ask. Like I’m 600 miles from you, it was a brief thing, and my nipples were not even out. I was fully covered in a baggy, opaque black t-shirt.

I haven’t responded because I want to know if I was being the asshole by not wearing a bra. So Reddit, AITA for not wearing a bra to online lecture?

ETA: if it matters, which I think it did to him, I am the only woman out of this class of 30 ######

Response: NTA I'm my opinion you were dressed appropriately, what wasn't appropriate was him bringing up your "obvious nipple piercing" ######


Prompt:
Throwaway because some of my cousins might recognize the situation.

I won't mince words: I'm (22F) the product of an affair. My father comes from a wealthy family and is a businessman in Asia, and my mother used to be a flight attendant in the 90s. My dad has always been there when I was growing up, even if my mom and I live in the US, and has provided for us financially. His “real” family knows about me: he and his wife “Sarah” got married out of business convenience and she’s never resented me or made me feel bad in any way. I’ve always respected her for letting me have a relationship with my older brothers, and letting me come with their family on summer vacations. She even sent our family flowers when my mom got married a few years ago. Sadly Sarah passed away from cancer a few months ago. It’s been rough on my dad and brothers, she was a wonderful, kind woman and I miss her a lot.

Sarah was very, very wealthy and left my brothers a significant inheritance. Apparently she also left me something in her will: a few thousand dollars. I burst into tears when my brothers called me with the news, I didn’t expect her to even acknowledge me in any way as her husband’s bastard child even if we had a good relationship. The problem is my family: my uncles and grandma think that I shouldn’t accept the money because I’m “not family.” My brothers have been saying that over in their country, Sarah’s family is also contesting the will to remove me because I’m not her daughter or related to her in any way. I’ve been feeling pressured to not accept the money even if my dad and brothers say I have every right to accept it. AITA for thinking about taking my inheritance? ######

Response: NTA I'm glad you had so many wonderful people that loved you. She wanted you to have it and it made her happy yo give it yo you. ######


Prompt: My son is a 3rd grade elementary student going on his 4th week of online classroom due to the covids.  Today my wife received a call from the  principal saying another parent called reported that my son was a distraction because he was spinning in his chair.  I find it creepy that another parent would be watching all the students videos.  My son has been doing very good adapting and he has been staying on task with his scheduled daily assignments and online meeting times.   I called the teacher after work and the teacher said what my son did was not a big deal. I want to call the principal tomorrow to complain about the parent. ######

Response:
 NTA I'm a teacher and if a student is doing something that can disrupt class (even online class) I would talk to that student and, if things didn't change with the parents. As your said, the teacher was not bothered. The other parent is the AH.

Also, it's almost impossible for kids to stay super quiet in school, imagine at home... Your son did nothing wrong.

Edit about my english: english is not my 1st language and I don't live on an english speaking country, so sorry about the bad grammar and typos (: ######


Prompt: A coworker committed insurance fraud and bragged through the office about it. We work for the insurance company. There is an investigation into her conduct. She is saying that we all knew about it and we are just as guilty so we should all be fired too. AITA for telling the investigators all the info they need like when she claimed and how. It was for a mobile phone. She said she left it on the top of her car then drove off. But her husband was still using the phone until the day the replacement arrived and then he sold it to a friend. So they got a new phone, and money for the old one. It was only about $900 but it's still fraud. And she still wanders around the office like she didn't do anything wrong. She is work friend but I would rather have my job than her in my life. AITA?? ######

Response: NTA I wouldn't just be throwing her under the bus, I'd be the one driving it. Insurance fraud is a good way to fuck up your life and she was an idiot for doing that. The fact that she was trying to drag yall down with her shows what a great friend she was anyways. ######


Prompt: My husband and I (24m and 21f) are expecting a baby boy in August and a lot of the family wants to come visit us once he’s born to see him. One family member is my cousin, Nicky (21f). Nicky and I are close in age and pretty much grew up together. She’s always been a very entitled and mean spirited person because her parents never disciplined her, and we even grew apart as we got older because of it. At our family get together yesterday, Nicky started making rude remarks to her boyfriend and parents. I ignored most of what she said until I heard her say something about how I married an “ugly, fat guy” because I was desperate. I told Nicky that was extremely hurtful to my husband and that her boyfriend was no prize either. She then went off about the baby, saying he was going to be ugly and that she hoped he was going to be born with various disabilities. She even said something about shaking him if she ever got her hands on him. This was the last straw for me and I told her that she’s not allowed anywhere near our baby when he’s born and that she can go ‘F’ herself for saying such a terrible thing. My aunt, Nicky’s mom, said that’s extremely selfish of me and that Nicky was just kidding and deserves a relationship with my son. I refuse to change my mind about this and never want her to see my baby if I can help it. Am I the asshole for deciding this? ######

Response: NTA I wouldn't have someone like that around my kids either, I'd block her and her mother. ######


Prompt:
My sister has been dating this guy for the past year or so, and I really don't like him because he's been arrested, has been caught with drugs, is very loud and obnoxious, and neither do our parents, but she's held strong with this guy and refuses to let anybody separate them.

We have a younger brother who was born deaf who has tried his best to be civil towards the boyfriend, but not long ago, I came across my sister and him talking about how dumb he was and mocking him and just generally being cruel. (He primarily communicates through Sign Language, but has started to make attempts to talk out loud)
Later that day, I brought it up my sister and she said that I shouldn't be so angry about it, but I told her that it wasn't right and that she and her boyfriend were acting like he didn't have a brain. This escalated into a fight that ended with us not speaking and me refusing to talk to her boyfriend.

Recently, my parents allowed my sister to have her boyfriend over and I refused to make the usual small talk. She got angry, he got angry, but I refused. My sister accused me of being angry just for the sake of being angry and that I was being ridiculous. To back me up, I involved our older brother in the fight and he sided with me.
For any needed context, to avoid creating a rift, I didn't tell our younger brother about what my sister had been saying. ######

Response:
 NTA I would wait till all of you are in the same room and just casually ask him

"So what other disabilities do you make fun of people for having?"

for when your sister gets mad

"I cant believe you're willing to settle for a guy who insults your deaf brother, you must think very little of yourself if you think you can't do better than that." ######


Prompt:
We (30/27) have been together for four years. We've both been laid off due to Corona and have been home for a few months now. The thing is that he's become veeeery lazy during it.

I'm constantly cooking, doing housework, try to go for walks with him or doing ANYTHING, but all he wants is sit on the couch, play PS4, watch TV, listen to music, and drink beer. I'm terribly bored and start to feel like his mum.

Anyway, I went running today and when I came back, I was knackered. I hadn't eaten yet, so when he went to the kitchen to make food for the first time in days, I happily went for a relaxed shower and then waited on the couch for the nicely smelling meal.

Finally, he came out of the kitchen with one bowl. I asked if I was going to have some, too. He just looked at me baffled and said "I thought you didn't want any". I thought he was joking, but he continued to eat his massive bowl right in front of me, knowing I was starving.

I asked if he could make me something, too, which was declined. He wanted to play PS4 now, I would have to wait, he said.

We continued to have an argument which ended in both of us ignoring each other.

Am I the asshole here? I can make my own food, but I thought it was inconsiderate of him to not think of me or even ask (as I always cook for him), especially after I worked out and was obviously hungry. And then get so worked up about me asking for some food. This might be me being hangry, so I'd love some perspective.

Thank you! ######

Response: NTA i would start just cooking for myself and if he came in expecting food I’d be like well you didn’t ask and now I’m busy so sucks to suck. 🤷🏼♀ ######


Prompt:
I'm(19f) in college and due to some circumstances I got a decent amount of money. My sister(23f) is out of college and living on her own now. She is extremely bothered that I have money. But when she asked for a small amount I gave it to her without another thought even though she still owed me money from a different time.

 I decided to build a PC with my money because I have never had a new computer before. I was excited so I talked about it with her but in no way was I doing it immodestly. This was when she told me she didn't like that I had so much money and she didn't want to talk about it or know what I'm doing with it. I told her "ok, that's fair but if you're gonna pretend the money doesnt exist then don't ask for money or borrow money from me". I also told her that I have never had a new computer before where as she has gotten 2 brand new mac books in her lifetime. She said it wasn't comparable because she got into a program in highschool so that's why she got it. She got the other laptop in college. So basically, she is saying I don't deserve new things because I never achieved the same things (that's the way I see it).

AITA for telling my sister that she shouldnt ask for money or to borrow money if she wants to pretend that it doesn't exist? ######

Response: NTA I would say bringing up the money you gave her previously may have not been the best option for being civil but all you’re trying to do is show you’re happy about this development. Gives her no reason to treat you like you can’t tell them anything at all just because you have a little more money to go around. ######


Prompt:
I (25F) have been staying at home with my family for the last two month. My family wanted me to spend quarantine with them, so I have been working from my parents house since.

My mom and dad (50s), sister (12), and I have been going on daily evening walks with our two dogs - one is mine and the other our family dog. This is usually a great and enjoyable time for our family. For the last week, my dad and sister really got into a game called “Poop Tag”, it’s basically where after the dogs poop and the bag is tied they throw the dog poop bag at each other and my mom and I.

I hate this game. I don’t like getting poop, even if it’s in a bag, thrown at me and I don’t find it funny. I told them multiple times I would not walk with them if this continued. I think they thought I was joking, because they would not stop AND added new components to this game - wave poop above my head, pretend to hit me with it with large swings.

Two days ago I refused to go on walks with them anymore and now just walk my dog alone. They’ve since apologized to me and my mom for this game and has asked me to rejoin our family walks.  I do miss our family walks and probably want to rejoin, but am still really mad about the poop tag. I want to wait it out for a couple more days to get over this. Am I being unreasonable here? ######

Response:
 NTA I would have done the same thing. It's not a 'fun family activity' if one of the family members is having a shit time
Go on another walk and see if they start behaving ######


Prompt:
Throwaway I don't want to post on my main account because my girlfriend follows it

My girlfriend is an artist as her hobby she is pretty good. Last year I started drawing as way to cope with a passing of my father. I ended up being decent after a while and I thought I should start improving my art skills and being professional about it. I ended up drawing "famous" manga characters in the sketch book and real life items.

I showed some of the mutual friends between me and my girlfriend and they liked mine a lot. Recently our mutual friends have stopped liking my girlfriends artwork and started liking mine more. I never brag about it to my girlfriend. yesterday  a mutual friend was visiting out apartment and told me that my artwork is better than my girlfriends. My girlfriend heard that and became really mad at me and said that I stole the one thing she was better at than me.

So last night my girlfriend told me she got rid of the sketch book because i was spending to much time on it. This sketch book I had since my fathers passing and had my first artwork. She told me that I was not taking care of the dog which is the reason she threw away the art book. I spend at least 2 hours with the dog after work. I explained to her I was upset with what she did with my sketch book.

My girlfriend then told me that she threw it away because I stole her hobby from her.  She said it was never really my hobby and it was only her hobby. She said I should not feel bad about throwing the notebook and I should be grateful for her actions.  So now I am wondering if I was the asshole for stealing girlfriends hobby and then for being upset she threw out my sketch book. ######

Response: NTA I would get away from the gf that's pretty crazy also your friends are kinda assholes for comparing you both ######


Prompt:
I have a friend who has owed me $2,300 since mid March. Her dog needed emergency surgery, I put it on a credit card since he needed immediate treatment. I am not wealthy and it's a lot of money to me. Things have been tough for her financially and personally lately, so I haven't mentioned it. She just kicked out her boyfriend a couple weeks ago, so she's in a very fragile place.

However, she just got all of her backpay unemployment (finally.) I didn't ask the exact number, but I'm pretty sure it's somewhere around 15k. She's gone on a crazy shopping spree and bought a MacBook, Camera, etc. She's been wanting to start a YouTube channel for a while, and I'm happy she's finally doing it. She needs a hobby.

She hasn't mentioned paying me back yet, and I hate to bring it up. I know she is already having a difficult enough time, and she is a good friend that I don't want to make her life worse, but I have been stressing over this debt for months.

WIBTA If I told her I need to be paid back now? ######

Response: NTA I would bring it up before she spends it all tbh. You lent the hand and helped out. Now it’s her turn to pay it back. ######


Prompt:
Hello

So today I (22m) was at a house/pool party at my cousin's house (restrictions are being lifted here) I didn't know a ton of people there, so I was mostly just drinking soda, people watching, and spending time on my phone lol.

At one point, a kid (1.5ish) toddled past me and headed straight for the pool. I didn't know the kid, nor was I sure if "their adult" was around. I was lounging and he walked past me about three feet away, so not within grabbing distance unless I got up.

I watched as the kid got closer to the pool, and when I realized he wasn't going to stop, I sat up and started saying "uhhh" pretty loud. Before anyone heard me though, he fell into the pool and the pretty loud splash alerted his dad, who quickly jumped in after him.

The kid was fine, just a little spooked, but my cousin screamed at me for not stopping him, when I had seen the kid go past.

But 1. I don't know the kid 2. Wasn't close enough to grab him without getting up 3. I started saying something to alert other people 4. His parents should've kept a closer eye on him

My cousin eventually just asked me to leave, and her fam is mad at me.

Tl:Dr - I watched an unknown toddler head for a pool and didn't grab him

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA I work with kids and I still probably would have had a similar reaction. I don't have fast reflexes outside of my job because I don't want parents to be freaked out by my concern with children since I don't actually have kids. It was a matter of seconds, not minutes where you had tons of time to think - and you didn't know who the parent was or where they were. I assume there were adults all around who could have been mom/dad.

I think your cousin's reaction was strange. Not everyone thinks, "Shit, I should get up and pick up that strange child whose family I don't know!" during an otherwise innocuous event. ######


Prompt:
I was having lunch with a friend of mine when the topic of dating came up, I told her I wasn’t dating anyone right now and was keen to get back out there.

She mentioned that she had a friend that she thinks I would be a good match with and was also looking to start dating too. She took out her phone and showed me a picture, I was pleasantly surprised and said set it up. She said she would message her and send a picture of me to her too.

Then she said that it might not be soon as she has trouble finding a babysitter, I said oh, she has a kid? My friend said 2. I was a little disappointed and I think my friend picked up on that and she said if that was a problem? I said yes honestly, I’d prefer to date someone without kids. My friend said but you liked her picture and I said yes, she is really pretty but dating moms aren’t my thing and are more trouble than they are worth.

She looked a little offended and said you’ve told me you wanted kids one day, I said yes my own not someone else’s. She sat and look perplexed and said I was a dick for turning her down for that reason. I told her I’m sure she’s nice, just not for me. Lunch ended quickly after this. I later got a text saying I disappointed her and she would never try and set me up again. I just replied with I’m sorry you feel that way but we all have our standards.

AITA here? ######

Response: NTA I was a single mom. If you're not into the kids, don't waste her time and money on a sitter. ######


Prompt:
Ok ok, first thing first i have nothing against marijuana at all. I think its very beneficial for people who use it to control anxiety and calm them down, zero judgment there.

But my girlfriend is seriously reliant on the stuff. Like, if she ever gets a stomachache, she almost always goes for weed over any other remedy. And now if she doesnt get a smoke in often, her stomach hurts so bad she barley moves. She also smokes before most meals, and has told me in the past that her thoughts are always drifting towards her next hit, even when we're having a great time, or staying with my family.

I think that if she could get this under control it could be more healthy, but some people tell me I'm an asshole for even thinking about interfering with her smoking. And she occasionally guilt trips me when I suggest we help her control it.

AITA for wanting to help her reel back her weed usage? ######

Response: NTA I used to smoke weed like a crack junkie. Couldn’t eat or do anything without it. I don’t know if it’s inherently addictive but for me (an addict) anything can become addictive and weed was my number 1 drug of choice. I also have NOTHING against weed or people who smoke it. I just cannot smoke it without turning into a junkie over it so I have to abstain completely. That’s just my experience. I also know that no one else could have gotten me to that conclusion. I had to realize on my own that it was a problem. Anyone who criticized my use or tried to get in the way was going to be collateral damage. The only thing you can do is accept that you have zero control over her behavior and it truly sucks but it’s the truth. ######


Prompt:
Ok ok, first thing first i have nothing against marijuana at all. I think its very beneficial for people who use it to control anxiety and calm them down, zero judgment there.

But my girlfriend is seriously reliant on the stuff. Like, if she ever gets a stomachache, she almost always goes for weed over any other remedy. And now if she doesnt get a smoke in often, her stomach hurts so bad she barley moves. She also smokes before most meals, and has told me in the past that her thoughts are always drifting towards her next hit, even when we're having a great time, or staying with my family.

I think that if she could get this under control it could be more healthy, but some people tell me I'm an asshole for even thinking about interfering with her smoking. And she occasionally guilt trips me when I suggest we help her control it.

AITA for wanting to help her reel back her weed usage? ######

Response: NTA I use marijuana daily for pain, but I also stop periodically to make sure I can. Also, it can cause nausea and stomach pain in some people. Her cure may be aggravating her situation ######


Prompt:
I live in an apartment. Second floor, covered but outdoor walkway, medium walk from the street. I pay $8-12 from my limited means (I don't have a car, also due to limited means) to have groceries brought to me from walmart.

So here's the issue. Someone always seems to say "Oh could ya come down to the car and get your groceries?" or something of the like. And I think- *no! I checked "contactless delivery." I paid you! I have several good reasons (a bad back and heavy items among them) to pay to have groceries brought to me. Do your job!*

There was at least one time when it was an older woman who complained of hip trouble when telling me to carry them myself. Which I did, cheerfully. But... why are you hiring someone to carry groceries who can't or won't carry groceries? Is it so wrong to just ask for what I paid for? ######

Response: NTA I understand the delivery person not wanting to carry groceries up stairs, but everyone has parts of their jobs that they don't like doing. You do them anyway, because *it's your job.* You paid for a service and you should receive that service. ######


Prompt:
I'm working at home for now and thus doing frequent Zoom meetings. One of my co-workers has started in these meetings whenever she has to state her name and position also stating "my pronouns are she and her" after that. No one really seems to care either way and hasn't acknowledged that, and no one else has started doing so. She also now has them in the signature of her email.

We were recently chatting in the IM app and then she asked me why I or anyone else hasn't done this too. This is likely because we were kind of close in the office. I just told her I don't see a need and everyone already knows I'm a guy and I look like one (I even have a beard.) She got kind of upset and said that's not the point and it's about creating a more inclusive workplace but she's getting frustrated no one else is doing so. She told me it's makes things more inclusive for trans people, but we have no trans employees as far as I can tell and if we do they've transitioned so much and so effectively they are recognizable as such and would probably just want to be treated as normal. So I flat out told her that I won't be stating pronouns anywhere and don't find it necessary. She seemed to take it kind of person and has lately been a bit bitter to me, probably realizing if she can't sway me to it no one else will. I've always found our workplace inclusive and open-minded anyway and don't see how this'll help anyone.

So am I being any type of asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA I understand her argument that “saying your pronouns makes those who feel they need to clarify feel less singled out”, but announcing it at the beginning of each meeting feels forced and (from what you describe) unnecessary.

Like, are you meeting with new people each time or is she just constantly reminding her coworkers that already know her? ######


Prompt:
My husband wants to go camping with another couple and our one year old this weekend at a park that is 3 1/2 hours away. He wants the both of us to call out of work so we can start driving up there early tomorrow morning. Neither of us have PTO to use so, I told him I don’t want to go unless we go somewhere closer so I can at least go to work. He refuses to compromise so I told him he can just go by himself. We cannot afford to each lose a day of work. We would also have to buy a tent, food, and other things you need while camping. He thinks I am being an asshole but, I feel like I’m being financially responsible.

Am I TA here? ######

Response: NTA I think you sound like you’re being very reasonable. Also, as someone who has done a lot of camping in her life, I’d say it’s better to pick somewhere close to home for your first trip. Especially with a baby. That way if you forget something, one of you can easily run home and grab it. ######


Prompt:
So the way I make toast when I make a full breakfast is a bit weird. I toast it twice on the lowest setting so it's fresh and warm when I've finished with the fry pan. It's just easier to time things that way, and it's how I like to cook.

My SO doesn't understand why I do this, and wants me to change it back to his preferred setting when I'm done, so he doesn't accidentally come up with slightly toasted bread instead of brown.

I maintain that he's a big boy and can change the setting just like I do when I go to use it.

His arguments are that it's weird how I do my toast (he's repeatedly asked me to re-explain because he just doesn't get it) , and when I change the setting its like "putting the kettle setting on 50 degrees and not changing it back".

I feel like this disagreement is so stupid and I have no need to explain why I like to cook the way I do, but it keeps coming up so I'm honestly wondering if I'm going crazy or really being THAT inconsiderate. AITA? ######

Response: NTA I think the default should be for whoever likes the less brown toast. You can always toast more, but you can’t un-toast. ######


Prompt:
My friend was ranting to me about his tinder experience to me, how no one responds to his messages, how his he has been ghosted in the past, women on the app only swipe right on super hot guys, etc. He is generally a laid back person so I was taken aback. I said that he displaying some incel-esque tendencies and should rethink and take better pics. He called me douche and said he could trust me.

He posted this on friend group chat and now people are calling me out. "broke the bro code", "check my privilege" amoung other messages. People are saying that he was just ranting about tinder and took it too far. According to me, my friend was blaming his lack of success on "shallow tinder girls".

Aita? ######

Response: NTA I think the bro code actually covers making sure your bro doesn't turn into a Nice Guy and your other friends need to reread the pamphlet. ######


Prompt:
&#x200B;

My brother decided to propose and had me help pick it out. We decided to get her one with a middle stone that was 2.5 carats, with a baguette on each side that was about 1 carat each. Brother proposed she said yes but she was upset, saying she expected a bigger ring since he makes enough to buy her 5k ring, and that she can't handle him acting cheap all the time. He was really upset about this because this ring cost about 40k and was amazing clarity, colour etc. and he researched it excessively and made sure that it was the exact design ring she wanted. He called me and got mad at me because I was the one who said he should get the main stone to be 2.5k because bigger than that looks a little tacky and showy. I told him that this is probably God waving a red flag and giving him a chance to get out. I told him that someone who can't appreciate that 40k (esp since thats how much she makes a year), is a lot to spend on a ring. She didn't care about how hard he tried to please her, just about the money. He thought it over and agreed and broke it off. She called me after he asked her to move out and told me I was a meddling bitch and my brother will never get married when his family is so nosey. I asked my friends about it and they agreed, they said that you only get one engagement ring and she should get the ring she wants. So reddit AITA? ######

Response: NTA I think sometimes on reddit people confuse meddling with actually caring about people and telling them what needs to be said. Sometimes people show you their true colour but people are just blind to it because their emotions get in the way. 40k is a years salary, but more than that your brother tried hard to make it special he wasn’t just trying to spend a lot of cash he was trying to get her something special that he put his heart into. If she couldn’t focus on that, yeah I think your brother is way better off. You’re a good sister and you said what needed to be said. ######


Prompt:
Sorry this is long ... Anyway, I was once happily married with a newborn baby.
My sister on the other hand is a heroin addict and found herself evicted from her house and child services found her children malnourished and emaciated after having missed 92 days of school so they were taken from her.
So I took her into my home.
Once there, I had a long heart to heart with her and I told her I was going to pay for her to go to rehab. I took out a hefty personal loan to fund this, which I am still paying off.
After her stint in rehab she had to be signed into the care of somebody who was responsible for keeping her clean, once again I was all too happy to do it. The day she came home with me, she prostituted herself to my husband for drug money and overdosed that day.
My marriage effectively ended and she ended up dating him for several months!
7 years have passed now and I have heard from my family that she has now turned her life around and is a strong member of her local church and has even been baptized. They have been hounding me and hounding me that I should reach out to her and try to mend our relationship.
Im just not buying it. I feel like this is all just an angle she's playing and she hasn't changed at all, but now it's like I'm the asshole for not reaching out to the woman who destroyed my life because "she's changed" ######

Response: NTA I say keep the trash in the dumpster ######


Prompt:
My husbands father bought a giant utility trailer. He primarily bought it so that he could use our brand new tractor and haul it to their property they are building on when they want to use it. Kind of manipulative imo but that’s besides the point. His dad offered to let us use it if we wanted to (we live on a farm). We don’t have much of a use for it except maybe once a year when we are harvesting hay.

Today his dad made it clear that he intends to store the trailer here full time. He wants it in our front yard. I absolutely don’t want it here. My husband agreed to let them leave it here, even though he had already agreed with me that they couldn’t store it here.

We don’t have the space for it and I don’t want our yard/property looking like a junk yard. Our farm is very picturesque and quite honestly it’s very beautiful property that could be a B&B if we wanted it to. We already have a couple of big tractors and our own utility trailer, plus a horse trailer. It’s starting to feel cluttered and I really don’t want another giant piece of machinery in our yard.

Not only that but we already stored his fathers boat here for over a year. Every time he would come to get it/use it he damaged our yard severely and our apple trees. He would back into the branches and break them off, and leave deep gouges in our front lawn. It took ages to repair and he didn’t apologize or see any issue with it. To him, our place is just a farm and the aesthetics of the place doesn’t matter. To me, I am passionate about preserving the natural beauty of the place and I spent a lot of time landscaping and making it beautiful.

His parents have a space on the side of their house they could easily store this trailer.

AITA for making my husband tell them they can’t store the trailer here? ######

Response: NTA I mean... he should store it at his house especially if he has space for it. It makes no sense that he’s just storing things at your house. ######


Prompt:
Last night, after we put our little one down, my husband hopped on to play games and I headed upstairs to watch girly shows and get some sleep since lo has been an early riser these days. I settled in and was just about to fall asleep when our dog let out a panicked howl. I knew my husband wouldn't hear it with his gaming headset on, so I go down in my underwear and a t-shirt to check things out. It's almost always a neighbor who gets home from work late and their car door spooks the dog for some reason.

I get downstairs, and there is my MIL standing IN MY HOUSE!!! Her first words are "I think we need to talk about your behavior." Que explosion from me. Here is a brief summary of what I remember saying:

"What the #@$%?!?! Why are you here?! Why did you think it's ok to let yourself into our home without permission?! You need to get out now!!! You need to get outside now or I'm going to call the police!"

She stammers a bit, flustered at my outburst, and then runs out crying. I get my husband and he is PISSED. This is a hard boundary line crossed as both my husband and I are private people and this IS known to them.

We get outside with masks on to try and calm down and get to the bottom of it all. We have an emotional talk about how their choices have impacted their ability to see their grandchild and it finally appears to have sunk in, even though we have explained this to them before.

Whatever, we kinda patch things up and she apologises. It seems sincere but still seemed to lack the understanding of the severity of the offense since she then asked me for an APOLOGY for threatening to call the cops. No, I'm not sorry. You broke into our house and my reaction was justified, or so I thought. She didn't push it after I ignored the comment completely and continued with the regular good bye pleasantries, but I am curious if that may have been an AH move. ######

Response: NTA I mean, come on, she entered your property without permission, that’s crossing some hard boundaries. It doesn’t matter if she is family, that’s crossing the line. ######


Prompt:
My flatmate and I have been splitting rent / living together for 1.5 years. She’s my mums co workers daughter and there’s a loose arrangement that both parents help us with rent (living in the UK is rough) so both of us sort of go along with this arrangement as it helps both of us save on finances.

She is a young mum with 2 kids aged 7 and 8. Because she’s still in her 20’s she will often go out most nights and go to parties/ clubs/ etc and in general she is more of a ‘fun mummy’ than a more stable one.

Over time I’ve frustratedly realised she will leave the kids with me and be out all night etc. Lately her kids have been calling me dad, with direct encouragement from their mum.

She laughs and says it’s cute, films me and them without any of our consent and says ‘daddy’s here’ etc. I don’t like this and have constantly called the police anytime I suspect she’s about to leave them with me etc who come around and ‘talk to her’ every time but that’s it.

I finally told the kids that I’m not their dad, even though I’m sure on a visceral level they knew that, and  they were visibly upset.

My flatmate, her mum, and my mum are all saying what I did was terribly cruel, and that everybody knows it ‘takes a village’ to raise kids and that ‘ it was obvious’ I should be helping looking after the kids if I’m living there and that I need to grow the fuck up.

Am I the asshole,? ######

Response: NTA I mean she’s young but she’s being so grossly irresponsible. Just because you share a space with her doesn’t mean you signed up to coparent her kids I mean Jesus calling you dad? That’s fucked up ######


Prompt:
Ok, so I have a few different properties just all over the place, most of them are empty or I rent them out for next to nothing (I’m not big on the idea of making money being a landlord). Anyway, I had a girlfriend for a short time, and things didn’t work out but I said she could live in an apartment I own for as long as she wants and all she had to do was pay the bills, as she was going through a tough time. So that’s been the case for some time now. Recently I met a man who’s been really affected by the pandemic, and is on the verge of being homeless, whereas my ex gf is making decent money now and doesn’t necessarily need the place. So I told her she has a month to move out, as I’ll be moving in this guy. Some may say, why not offer him another one of my properties to stay or something. Well this apartment happens to be the only one in the state, my other ones are either overseas or out of state (I use them for holiday purposes not rental purposes it’d be redundant to own a bunch of properties in the same area).

My ex says this is unfair of me to do during this time, and that I promised she could stay as long as she liked. Whilst I do feel guilty I ultimately think I made the right decision. ######

Response: NTA I mean it is your property, however you might seriously want to check and make sure you’re doing everything legally, especially with the pandemic going on. ######


Prompt: This sounds like a dick move, but hear me out. My younger brother (12) has been playing Fortnite continuously every day for this entire “break”. He recently lost his Xbox power cord to our dad for not doing the dishes and other chores that were not completed, but he still has his phone. Because he isn’t downstairs playing Xbox, he is playing Fortnite videos on YouTube at stupid high volume level. He will sit in my room and watch them, and I’ve asked him multiple times to turn it down, as I’m also trying to play my Xbox with some friends, and need to be able to hear them. He largely ignores me and says “it’s not that loud”. For context, I’m also a weeb, and enjoy a variety of Sub and Dub anime. And I thought that if he won’t turn his volume down, I won’t either. He is not a fan of anime at all, and has asked me in the past to not watch it near him because he “thinks the voices are too high pitched and creepy.” So I thought when we eat lunch (my dad is working right now and we are home alone) I can turn my sub anime to the max, and make him understand that it’s rude to do things like this. ######

Response: NTA I lowkey agree with you sometimes younger people need to be put in your shoes to fully understand how rude something can be. Not everyone has developed empathy naturally. ######


Prompt:
My daughter really likes rap music, which while a little strange doesn’t really bother me. She’s 15 and has heard all the things in the songs at school anyway. She listens on her speaker at my house.

She’s with her mom for quarantine, and we’ve fought over the music in the past. Recently her mom called me and told me to stop letting her listen to rap at my house because she’s being difficult about it at hers. I usually uphold her rules and punishments so long as they’re within the realm of reason, but this one seems silly to me.

I told her no and she cussed me out and hung up. AITA? ######

Response: NTA I listened to bananas stuff at that age. Rap, Norwegian death metal, Numa Numa. She's just exploring and expressing herself with different music. Sounds like you and your ex need to have an open an honest convo as to why she is so against it. If she can't articulate a reason other than "it's inappropriate" then nothing should change. ######


Prompt:
My family owns a successful property development firm. I reluctantly took a position with them because my father wants to take a less active role and my younger brothers aren't ready. While I work with my brothers and fathers, everyone is treated equally and it is very harmonious.

Lately, my SIL has been bouncing ideas off us and showing up to "help out" I'm not okay with either of that. I sarcastically asked my brother if she was looking for a job and he said she wasn't because she was happy being a SAHM. I told him that was good because no one's spouse is going to work here. That will bring too much drama. Then I told him she needs to stop hanging out like she has nothing better to do as he's no different than any other employee.

Not only does she float around but she's helping him his admin work even though we already have paid people to do that and now she's questioning business moves or offering her own. This has gone beyond a spouse showing up to go out to lunch but my brother disagrees.

I finally emailed her on my own and told her that this wasn't her business, she knows nothing about it and her ideas and showing up to help my brother was not wanted. This wasn't a family-issue. This was a business issue. I told her she's his wife, but in no way a member, stakeholder or employee.

Of course she cried to my brother that I "attacked" her when she was trying to be helpful and he has heat with me. ######

Response: NTA I know people are thinking you should have left it to your brother to handle, but you already talked to him and he either didn't do anything or she ignored what he said. Either way it's not good business to have someone who isn't an employee at all drifting in and out and interfering with what the employees are there to do. ######


Prompt:
These past few weeks, my mom has been trying to convince me to leave my son with her because she’s been lonely because my dad died recently but my wife and I refused because Of what she did that last time we left our son (8m)

My mom has become a very big conspiracy theorist and we left our son with her for a month because we wanted to go on a trip together. When he went back to school, they were talking about 9/11 and he immediately piped up “my grandma said the zionisy jews did it” we got a call from his teacher asking what is my mom teaching him. It embarrassed us both and I called her up asking what the fuck is she telling my kid. She just tried to defend herself with “it’s true, Besides do you know how many Jews died in 9/11? None!” I just hung up so that’s why I’m wondering if I did the right thing in refusing? ######

Response: NTA I know parents who refuse to let family watch their kids over something petty. I think your reason is reeeeally valid. ######


Prompt:
For context, I’ve always tried really hard at school and been for the most part an A-/A student- by no means perfect grades but generally good grades.

My brother on the other hand straight up doesn’t try at all. He’s really smart so in some classes he gets B+’s (considering how little he tries and the fact that there are large assignments that he neglects to turn in, this is pretty impressive) but there are also many classes that he’s more in the C/C- range.

My parents try to force him to do his work and they’ve gotten him tutors and stuff but my brother either refuses to get tutored or doesn’t pay attention, wasting time and money.

The thing is, now that we’re doing online learning, my parents have basically given up trying to enforce any rules on him whatsoever.

They still force me to store all of my devices in the kitchen in the night bc “blue light is harmful to sleep” but they don’t care at all that my brother is staying up past 2am playing video games with his friends.

Where the disagreement comes in is tonight, I was feeling stressed and I wanted to watch Netflix on my computer before bed.

This started an argument between my mom and I because she was refusing to let me keep my computer in my room *just that once* while at that moment my brother was playing video games with his friends.

My mom said that it was unreasonable for me to be upset because my brother and I are “going on different paths in life and so she treats us a little differently” which I understand to some extent and am usually very accepting of (this device thing isn’t the only disparity in the way we’re treated it’s just the one relevant to this story) but it just felt like such a blatant double standard that my mom wasn’t giving me this little bit of leeway in something that my brother is allowed to do literally every day.

AITA? ######

Response: Nta I honestly think your parents have probably just given up on your brother and probably don't see him as being what they would consider "successful" in life but parents who do this to their children usually make them a lot less motivated individuals in the future. I would talk to a therapist and definitely have a talk with your parents. This isn't right ######


Prompt:
We're currently not speaking because of this issue, since I find it gross and my boyfriend can't see my problem with it.

I do most of the cooking in our relationship, which I am fine with. However, occasionally my boyfriend will want to do some cooking together/do some baking. We do a lot of activities together, especially now we're both home a lot more.

The one thing I cannot stand is a habit he has when it comes to food. If my boyfriend thinks something is too dry or needs a better consistency, he will use his own spit and put it into the food. For example, the other day we were icing homemade cookies and I caught him 'thinning out' the icing mixture by spitting inside the bowl and mixing it in.

This has been an issue for some time, so he tries to hide it whenever he does it from me. But every time I catch him I just find it gross. His reply is to shrug and tell me that I get more of his saliva in my mouth when we kiss anyway, so it shouldn't be a big deal and makes literally no difference. I've pleaded with him to use water, but he says that 'the texture isn't the same' and has pointed out that 'if I can't tell the texture is different, surely it doesn't matter that it's not water anyway'.

I know that in a way he's right and it's not like I complain about his spit when we make out, but something about it being mixed with food just grosses me out.

AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to spit in our food when we cook together? ######

Response: NTA I honestly am struggling to even believe this is real. Who in their right mind uses spit in food? Especially food other people are eating? Definitely not the same as using water it’s just not sanitary. Does he brush his teeth first or is he getting old food particles from whatever he’s eaten that day in the food he’s cooking? ######


Prompt: Every day at the same time, I walk my dog around the block. Whenever we encounter other people, with or without dogs, we move to the boulevard and let the other people and their dog(s) stay on the sidewalk. Today, I came across a lady walking 3 golden retrievers. I did what I always do, and moved myself, my dog, and my kids to the boulevard to pass by. Well, her dogs started coming towards us, and she couldn’t stop them. The dogs got nose to nose with mine. Thankfully, no fights happened, but I told her that if she can’t hold on to all 3 dogs, then she shouldn’t be walking all 3 dogs. She questioned my knowledge of dogs and then told me that I should have crossed the street and walked on the other side when I saw her. I don’t believe I did anything wrong as I had full control of my dog (I even jumped back into the street to try to keep the dogs apart) and I don’t feel I should have to move to the other side of the street. AITA? Is it my responsibility to move to the other side because she couldn’t hold all her dogs? ######

Response: NTA I have two big, sweet pit bulls. They like to walk in different directions and I can’t control them when I walk them together. Therefore I walk them separately. It’s safer for them, me, and everyone else. ######


Prompt:
My ex-wife thinks I’m the asshole, but we have a weak relationship anyway, so I’m turning to you folks. I (42M) have primary custody of my child “Olly” (15). Olly belongs to the LGBT, which I think I’ve done a good job of supporting. Olly has had a tough time of it the past few years, and they are making terrible grades at school and just generally failing to launch. I think a lot of this is due to issues in my ex wife’s household, but that’s a topic for another post.

Anyway, Olly has come out a total of four times. The first time, they came out as gay at the age of 12. Once everyone was informed, they had a “coming out” party with their grandparents, me, my ex, and some friends. It was nice, and I thought that was the end of it.

But no. When Olly was 13, they came out as bisexual, as they’d developed a crush on a girl at school. About 9 months later, they came out as a trans woman (MtF). Finally, about a month ago, they revealed themselves to be agender (essentially a person who doesn’t feel like a boy OR a girl).

I’ve been refusing to throw coming out parties since the first one — we are on a shoestring budget, and our current apartment is shitty and not fit for a party. However, given that we are coming out of corona and Olly has saved some money from a side hustle they have, Olly is asking for another party. Plus, it’s pride month now, so Olly insists that the time would be especially appropriate.

I’m still saying no, because even if it’s their own money, it’s just a waste. Olly wants to take expensive art lessons this summer, and that money would really help us afford it. Plus, coming out for a fourth time seems like too much.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA I have never even heard of a coming out party and I have many friends who are LGBT and I myself am bisexual...

Honestly, to me, if someone was to make a big deal about my sexuality/gender, it would feel like they are pointing out that it is not the norm. But I've never been one to celebrate Pride and such. ######