Prompt:
My brother has been dating "Jenny" since they were 16. They're now 19. They both go to community college part-time. Her dad is a rich doctor and our parents work at a factory. Everyone is cool with each other. My brother was joking that he and Jenny have started having 100% unprotected sex. No condom, no pill. I told him he was a dumbass if he gets her pregnant and he said that's what "we are trying to do, actually." I asked him what he was talking about and he said they want to have a baby and not wait until they're old like her and our parents (they were in their 30's). They know people like our and her parents will not be happy but will support them with a baby. He said "when" it happens they're going to pretend it wasn't planned.

I believe they're trying to have a baby because their lives are so good and a baby will solidify it. I am not saying I agree, but that is their logic and young love is powerful.

I want to tell my parents, especially our dad. What can they do? I don't know, but something is better than nothing. There are no teen parents in our families. ######

Response:
 NTA. If both of them are dependent on their parents for food and shelter, then their parents have a right to know about this, as the decision to have a child affects them too.

(Original): Need more info.

First, what's their living situation? Living with parents, separate but on their own, together, what?

Second, how are they doing financially? You said they go to community college "part time", so I assume that means they both have jobs - what sort?

The only reasons I can fathom for you "telling" on them being OK would be if they live with and/or are financially dependent on one (or both) families. If that isn't the case, it's no business of yours whether they want to start a family or not. It might be ill-advised, but it's still their decision. ######


Prompt:
Today during a Zoom meeting, my colleagues and I were discussing the Pandemic and the topic of Self-Check Outs at Grocery Stores was discussed. I then recalled an incident I had a couple of months ago right before Christmas. Although they were laughing at my story, some of them were saying I was an asshole and disrespecting essential workers. A colleague’s exact words: “Girl, Why you being a bitch?”

I was throwing a party at my home and needed more decorations and etc. So I had a late night visit to the nearby 24/7 Walmart. I went a little crazy and bought literally a cart full of useless crap. As I was waiting in line it became apparent that it was going to take a while as the couple in front of me were using WIC checks and the Cashier was giving attitude and denying what items they could use it for. I was okay with waiting, so I didn’t care. The 2nd cashier closed her register and loudly announced she was going on break. Before long another worker approached me, and this was basically the conversion.

Worker: Please come this way, our self-check out stations are open.

(I hate Self-Check Out and have always refuse to do them)

Me: I’m good. I’ll wait for the cashier. Thanks though.

Worker: But we’re open over here. You can check out yourself.

Me: I don’t mind waiting.

Cashier: (Yelling over the couple) You don’t have to wait. You can check yourself out over there.

Me: I don’t mind waiting. I have a lot of stuff. I rather empty my cart on the belt.

Cashier: Sir, Please move your cart to the self-check out.

(At this point I’m annoyed. The worker was now physical gesturing for me to move and the cashier was no longer checking out the couple.)

Me: I’m sorry. Do I work here? Are you guys offering me a job? (While tipping head to the side)

Basically, security was called and a manger got involved which caused a large line to form and people behind me complaining very loudly.

So Was I? ######

Response:
 NTA. If both a cashier and self checkout are options at the store, and you want cashier service, it’s your choice. Some self service setups are just terrible.

I’m usually polite, but If they badgered me like that, I’d also have a sarcastic retort. ######


Prompt:
My brother and I are extremely close, he got engaged a few months back and we are all happy for him and his fiance. I am also close with his fiance, she is a sweet girl but suffers from chronic migraines at least 4 times a month (these are so bad that she literally just sleeps all day when these hit) and is very depressed.

A couple days back she learned I was hiring and reached out to me to ask if I would consider hiring her as I own a small business. I told her I would think about it but ultimately decided no as her chronic migraines would mean she would not be able to come into work at least 4 times a month meaning I would have to re-distribute her responsibilities to my other employees which is not fair to them.

I told her I would not be hiring her, and she asked me why so I was honest with her and told her that I would not be able to accommodate her for the days she is off as my current employees only get 1 sick day per month. This caused her to throw a fit and explain that her disability is none of my business and that it would not be fair to discriminate against her because of this, she also told my brother this and things have been pretty tense between us although I expect this to blow over.

Am I the asshole for not agreeing to hire her? Laws in my country are very strict to the point where if I hire her I would not be able to let her go because of her disability unless I pay her out. I would essentially be stuck with a part time employee earning full time salary which I can not afford nor do I think is fair to me or my employees. Am I wrong?

EDIT; I feel I should include that I am not just assuming that she will not be showing up to work for at least 4 days. She used to work at a different place that ended up bankrupting because of COVID-19 and throughout her career there she would never go in to work when she had her chronic migraine episodes (because she physically/mentally couldn't). ######

Response:
 NTA. If asked again, I would say something along the lines of it would be a conflict of interest for you to hire her because of your personal relationship.

I see another comment that you are paying for SIL's medication for migraines. Is it this same SIL? ######


Prompt:
I (late 30s M) was visiting an old friend from High School and his wife. I should mention that at the time I had just finished a doctorate in Math -- this is relevant to the story. There were a number of people hanging out. Most of them I knew but my friend's wife's friend Janice ( late 40's F) and her daughter Ellie (maybe 19 F) who i didn't know , were also there. My friend's wife introduced us: "Throwaway, this is my friend Janice and her daughter Ellie. Janice and Ellie this is our friend Throwaway. Throwaway just became a Doctor." Ellie ( the daughter) said "Are you single? I think that I would make an excellent trophy wife." I gave a big dramatic sigh and said "Sadly I'm not the kind of Doctor that gets to marry pretty young things. I'm the kind that teaches calculus to nerds. " Everyone laughed, we chatted a bit and I wandered off to play pool with the guys.

Now the mom and my friends wife seemed fine with what I said but i got a bunch of flak later from a couple of people (who were not even part of the original conversation) who said that it was "gross" that i was " flirting with someone half my age." I thought that this was a ridiculous way to characterize the whole interaction. So AITA? ######

Response: NTA. If anything the kid was being gross. You got out of the situation without humiliating her. ######


Prompt:
Well... My ex and I divorced and I moved away with my two oldest kids and our youngest. We split up because he is a workaholic and doesn’t want to engage in any kind of family activity.

I had a cat when we met and he lied about being allergic, so I had to give up the cat when we moved in together.

Now that we moved away, I got a kitten and we all love it so much, but, my ex refuses to visit his daughter here bc of the cat. He refuses to take any allergy meds, just because?? We can come visit him, but he only has time late in the evening once in a while because of his work. Before we got the cat, he came once a month aprox.

AITA for getting the cat? Just be honest. I knew he was allergic, but I thought he would be open to take allergy meds. Now he wants me to get rid of the cat or he won’t see his daugther anymore. ######

Response: NTA. If a cat keeps this man from seeing his daughter, he was looking for an excuse to stop seeing her anyway. ######


Prompt:
My close friend and I are dating 2 girls that are also close friends.

When it comes to relationships, my friend is a psycho. He made her delete every guy off of her Snapchat, he has her location and her instagram log in and her Snapchat log in. He has 0 trust for her, cusses her out all the time, she can’t do anything without asking his approval first not even going out with her parents, he doesn’t even let her wear shorts outside. She has to filter everything she says because he takes everything the wrong way and cusses her out. She’s been very patient for the past 6 months they were dating, but the entire 6 months they fought a lot every single day.

Of course, I knew about everything because my girl would tell me and my friend would tell me. I’m also friends with my girls close friend too and I care about her.

Basically, her life is hell and she has to censor everything she says and has anxiety 99% of the time because he cusses her out if she doesn’t answer his call right away or doesn’t respond to his text within 2 minutes.

I felt really bad so I had a talk with her and my girl (they came to me for advice I didn’t insert myself) and basically I told her that he’s not going to change and if she can’t handle this for the next  6 months and the 6 months after that, then she should break up with him. And that same night after talking to me, she did break up with him. I feel like shot but I’m happy for her because that relationship was ruining this girl and my friend too he would get really crazy. I just feel bad for helping cause him pain. AITA for breaking bro code? ######

Response: NTA. If “bro code” means enabling abusive behavior, then break it. Your friend is a nightmare, and was clearly treating his gf badly. It isn’t on you or anyone he dates to change him, but at least you encouraged and supported her leaving a bad relationship. That’s a good thing. ######


Prompt:
I'm a divorced dad of three kids, (12f, 7f, 4m). My girlfriend and I are both essential workers, and come into contact with a large number of sick people on a daily basis. One of my children had a lung transplant several years ago, and is immunocompromised. As such, we decided that right now it would be safer for them to stay with their mother.

I make significantly more than my ex, so I bought a tablet for each of my kids, and they each have Disney+, Netflix, and Hulu. My 12 year old also has a cell phone, which she mostly used for school. They also use their tablets to FaceTime me every once in a while.

I was talking with my 12 year old yesterday, and she mentioned that she would like to be able to use her tablet. Of course I was confused, and I asked her what she meant by that.

Apparently her mother has been taking her tablet away from her and using it for herself. I checked my daughter's account's Netflix history, and I saw shows that she definitely wouldn't watch (i.e. House of Cards, Blacklist, The Witcher).

I called her, and asked her to give my daughter's tablet back. She said no, and that my daughter lost her tablet as a punishment for not doing her chores on time. I told her that was fine, but she shouldn't be using it.

She then said that I'm just trying to show off my wealth by giving the kids tablets and streaming services, and that my daughter already has a cell phone so she doesn't need a tablet.

So, AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Id put a password on it for just you and your daughter (maybe along with parental controls so you know she couldn’t get into trouble). That way ex can’t manipulate the situation and take things from her to be selfish. It’s not hers it’s your daughters and she’s not entitled to it as she doesn’t pay for it or the services. ######


Prompt:
My daughter and I are not close anymore and I've been 'cut off' for the past year due to my opinions on her having a second child at 19 when both her and her fiance are still studying and don't have jobs. It was a hardly necessary and drastic decision on her end but it's what she wishes so I backed off and since we haven't spoken.

Last week Wednesday, my sons arrived in town to visit my wife and I. During one of our conversations, the eldest mentioned that they were thinking of driving over to my daughter's apartment for her birthday on Sunday and asked if I wanted to come along. I reminded them that I was still cut off so I doubt she wants me over. They said it was ridiculous that she was still doing this so they won't go anymore till she realizes that. I told them they didn't have to do that solely for me but they still stuck to it. Sunday came and went and the three of them still hadn't changed their minds and didn't visit or call her. My wife was the only one who called and also informed my daughter on why they didn't call when she asked. My wife says she went quiet and didn't talk much for the rest of the call.

This morning I woke up to messages from her fiance telling me how much of an asshole for turning my son's against her. ######

Response: NTA. I’ve read your comments, and you should probably edit them in your post, cause as it is, it looks kinda sketchy. But you clarified in your comments and I think you’re not the asshole. Keep in mind a lot of people in this sub lose their shit over the subject of estranged parents, since most of the time the children left because the parents were assholes (also a lot of people here are young and tend to sympathise with teens more). So the vagueness of your post sets off alarm bells. Keep that in mind. ######


Prompt:
My daughter is 16 and recently has watched several documentaries, read a few books, medical journals and has come to the conclusion that she wants to become a vegetarian. My husband and I support this, however the rest of us are not vegetarians. We don’t make carnivorous meals every night, but I would say at least 5 out of 7 days a week. I always have what would be a vegetarian side dish, but I am also not a short order cook. I said she can come grocery shopping with me, I’ll buy the food, cook books, etc, and on nights we’re eating meat, she can cook her own food.

This upset my daughter. She says her siblings don’t have to cook their own dinner, why should she? I said because they’re eating what I’m making in the first place. She said that this was “favoritism” but agreed. My husband thinks I should cook for her, but he doesn’t cook the meals in this house, I do.

Am I being unfair here? ######

Response: NTA. I’m vegan and was vegan as a teenager, my parents made dinner every night which included vegetables and sides, and I would either eat just those sides or I would cook something additional for myself. The plus side of this, I’m an excellent cook now. You offered to pay for the groceries and cook books which seems very fair and besides, cooking is a skill all teens should learn. Maybe you could try and make something fun out of it like “on Thursday nights we both cook an all vegetarian meal for the entire family together” so that way you can teach her some fun recipes you enjoy and then she doesn’t feel like the only person not being included, plus there’s a special day she gets to design the menu for everyone. ######


Prompt:
She snapped me late last night. My "friend." She asked if I would get a letter notarized for her. I thought it was a strange request, because I live in Colorado and in this state the signature must match the ID presented.

I asked her to elaborate on the letter. She said the letter said I am the landlord and her boyfriend lives on my property.

First of all, I'm not a landlord and her boyfriend doesn't live on my property because I don't own property.

Backstory: she lives in public housing and the housing authority found out that her boyfriend lives with her. To prevent eviction, she had to submit letter today that stated her boyfriend lives elsewhere.

She basically asked me to perjure myself. I said no.

But if she was a true friend, she would never have asked me this. Am I right?

I'm angry with her. I don't feel sorry for her. And I do hope she gets evicted.

And I feel like the asshole! ######

Response: NTA. I’m sure you’re familiar with the phrase “play stupid games, win stupid prizes.” Your friend is about ready to win her prize, don’t let her drag you down with her. ######


Prompt:
Right now my fiance and I are living with my best friend from high school and her husband. They and my fiance have some life differences (no details but nothing major, mainly they're all bullheaded and won't listen to each other). My fiance wants to move out and get on our own. I'm all for it until he said the place he wants to move to won't allow pets and we have a 55 pound border collie mix we picked up as a stray. I refuse to move anywhere without her. She is my kid. I can't abandon her. She has no say in this at all. Everyone I've talked to is 50/50 on this.

We are under no pressure but my fiance own want to get our own place quickly. He's lived on his own before and I have not. I just can't intentionally move someplace and give up my dog if there are other options. ######

Response: NTA. I’m sure you guys can find a place that is pet friendly. And honestly he’s the A for wanting you to leave your doggo. ######


Prompt:
This has been bothering me for a while now,

But in short one of my subordinates who is also a good buddy of mine, told me about his intentions of turning his “lifelong dream” into reality, which is basically getting his wife pregnant by another man and raise it as his -he isn’t infertile or anything-, I was horrified when I heard this,and I explained how horrible of an idea this was and that children aren’t means of sexual satisfaction for him and his wife.

And another hour of back and forth talking and arguing and this wasn’t his “lifelong dream” anymore but something he is hesitant about, I was happy with the result, and few days later asked him why his wife thought this was an acceptable thing he said something which mortified me even more apparently his “genetics were inferior” and didn’t deserve to be passed to another generation, at this point I had enough and invited him to my house and told him we should discuss this excessively and he agreed right away, at the end of our meeting he was convinced that this was indeed a terrible thought and I suggested divorcing his wife and he was so supportive of that.

He is filing for divorce but it has been delayed due to the pandemic, his wife knew I had a big part in their separation and she has been texting me rude messages every 2-3 days for months now.

Most people are telling me I helped my friend dodge a bullet but some people are also telling me this wasn’t my business and I  shouldn’t have opened my mouth.

So I’m not sure ######

Response:
 NTA. I’m sure that a lot more went into him wanting to divorce his wife than just you and your commentary. Ultimately, it’s their relationship and they are responsible.

I did not know what “cuckold impregnation” was, googled the term, and wish I hadn’t. So kind of an asshole for making that your title.:P

I would imagine that there would be a plethora of legal issues that could arise out of this, let alone be a ridiculous arrangement for the child. But anyways, NTA. ######


Prompt:
My bf and I have been together for about 6 years and we've had issues with his mom and stepdad( his stepdad hasn't done anything particularly harsh he's just there ). I for the first 4 years assumed she hated me. I would be invited to things only to be never picked up by my bf or his mom would do weird stuff like try to set him up with her friend's kids. Bf always told me she didn't hate me and that I was just exaggerating.  I had even tried to ask her about her behavior toward the beginning of the relationship and she told me she'd get my bf to break up with me ( we were still in high school at the time).

Eventually it came out that no she didn't hate me but she thought I was an entitled bitch because I was at family events when I wasn't wanted. It came out that my bf never really asked if I was welcome and just would say he was going to bring me. She assumed that I was controlling him and that was her reasoning to act the way she did. Since then I have made myself scarce and don't show up to her events but I show up to his dad and stepmom's gatherings instead. When bf came clean to his parents I told him to ask his mom or stepdad to contact me if they would like me there. This is the general conflict my bf and I have had for the past year and some change. bf has not told them what I asked.

bf told me that I should trust in him telling me when I'm invited and he's been telling his parents that an accident I was in was the reason why I wasn't coming over. it is partially true. His brother spilled the beans that I've been visiting his dad and stepmom and his mom has been upset over this. I told bf that I want it to be clear that i'm wanted or not. He says that it would ruin his reputation with his family and he doesn't want that.

AITA for asking him to ask his parents to message me themselves when they want me around? ######

Response:
 NTA. I’m sorry to tell you this, but your boyfriend sounds like a liar with no backbone. He’s lying to his parents about the real reason you won’t come over because he doesn’t want his mommy to be mad at him for not ever asking to bring you places. He’s also being a huge dick in letting his mother treat you that way for so long. There is nothing wrong with the limitation you set for him, especially given your past. Also, it’s be good to remind your boyfriend that you HAVE trusted him in the past that the invitation came from his family, and it hasn’t worked out very well for you, so you are under no obligation to believe him when it comes to this situation.

edit-second wind. ######


Prompt:
I was babysitting my niece (sister's kid) and she asked me "why does mommy kiss the grass cutting guy?"

I asked my sister what her daughter was talking about and she said "oh that's my boyfriend. He's our gardener". I mentioned that she was married. And my sister just said "well, yeah but (husband's name) knows about us. He's cool with it. We have an open relationship".

Idk maybe it was because of the way she said it but she didn't sound very convincing so I asked my Brother-in-law if they had an open relationship. He had know idea what I was talking about so I told him about the gardener. Anyway now he wants a divorce.

My sister keeps texting me calling me a slut and saying that I'm not a very loyal sister. AITA for this? ######

Response: NTA. I’m pretty sure what she said to you applies to her ######


Prompt:
I like Dominos pizza and order it once a month. I know it’s a bit expensive, I know it isn’t very authentic, I know it isn’t healthy. I also don’t care; for me it hits the spot and I enjoy it.

My housemate and good friend’s Italian girlfriend, every time I get dominos, has to mention how it isn’t actually good pizza or very Italian. Every. Single. Time. It also extends to when I make Italian food like pasta or spaghetti (we take turns to cook for the whole house), mentioning i didn’t add this ingredient or use this process. I’ve asked her a couple times to show me what I’m doing wrong but stuff always seems to ‘come up’

Now, she’s otherwise a pretty solid person but I just find this behaviour incredibly rude. I ordered pizza again today and she again commented about how it wasn’t authentic. I had enough and told her I didn’t give a fuck what was authentic or not, I just wanted to enjoy my Dominos.

She told me as an Italian she had to say something when she saw bad Italian food like the pizza or my pasta. I told her that if I as the son of Indians could eat what she alleged to be a chicken korma (it was *sweet* for some reason) and say nothing at the time she could eat my pasta and stay silent.

I’m aware that was perhaps a bit petty and rude, but to be honest I’m pretty done with her inane comments. My roommate is annoyed at the both of us saying that we need to make up, but honestly I’m still pretty annoyed with her. As I see it the only harm I’m doing with my dominos is to my waistline, but that has no bearing on her. ######

Response: NTA. I’m Mexican and I like Taco Bell. I’m not getting it because it’s authentic Mexican food. I get it cuz it’s crappy Americanized food that tastes good. You like what you like. At no point did you say “I’m gonna get this super authentic Italian food” and show up with dominos. Your roommates are being righteous jerks. ######


Prompt: My husband and I are expecting our first child - a boy - in a couple of months. My husband and his parents are all math geniuses and wanted his name to include some math reference. I thought it was a cute and funny idea. Recently, my husband thought of a name. I thought of names too. I like Dylan, Jared and Loren. My husband was like "um, yeah. I was thinking Cube." Like a Rubik Cube. I thought he was joking but he was serious. I told him that was the stupidest name ever. He told me to think of it as "Cute." I told him I'd rather name him Sweater before Cube. ######

Response: NTA. I’m confused as to why out of Rubik’s cube, he chose the word that wasn’t a name lmao. ######


Prompt:
My boyfriend is Indian and I am white. When we started dating, he would call me a cutie pie. A couple of months into dating, he started calling me a cootie pie. The first time he called me cootie pie, I got angry because I thought he was trying to do an accent to make fun of how other indians may pronounce cutie. He explained that I misunderstood and that in Hindi, cootie meant beautiful. We've been together for 3 years and he's been calling me cootie pie at least once per day.

&#x200B;

On Friday, a new girl started at work. She introduced herself to the staff. She was born in India but came her for university and stayed here. I told her I am dating an Indian man myself. She asked if I knew any hindi and I told her I know a few of words, like cootie and billi. She told me it's inappropriate to say "cootie" at work and that I should be more respectful. I explained my boyfriend's nickname for me is "cootie pie" and that it means "beautiful". She told me "cootie" means "B\*itch". I apologized and said I may be pronouncing it wrong to save face.

&#x200B;

When I got home, I confronted my husband and he laughed. He said he thought it was funny to call me a "cootie". I snapped and yelled at him for being so immature. I asked him to sleep on the couch and he has been for the last two nights. He hasn't apologized yet and is pretending everything is normal. So reddit, am I the asshole for getting mad? ######

Response: NTA. I’m an Indian , and ‘kutti’ is actually a pretty bad insult . He shouldn’t be calling you that at all. ######


Prompt:
This incident happened some time ago.

We’re both in university. This semester she went on exchange to Australia. She left Canada Feb 2nd, but went to her hometown on Dec 22nd after final exams because she wanted to spend that time with her family until she left. For that reason we did our Christmas gift exchange early. I got her a really nice necklace in Morse code, a designer hoodie, and a pair of Beats headphones. I ordered the beats Dec 6th but the shipping was delayed big time (I think there was a postal strike? can’t remember) and so I didn’t get the headphones in time for her to have it. When I told her that, she asked what color the headphones are and I got them in blue because that’s her favourite color. She seemed a bit disappointed and and when I asked her what’s wrong she said she’d have preferred the grey.

Fast forward a few weeks. The headphones finally came in around Jan 20th and I went to Best Buy to return them. I did this because **I found the exact same pair on Amazon, brand new, in the color she wanted, and a much cheaper price**. Plus I have Amazon prime so I had 2 day shipping. I pulled the trigger and ordered it right to her house on Jan 21st.

When I told her about this she was pissed off at me because i Didn’t disclose that I was doing all that. She was also afraid that the Beats wouldn’t come in before she left on Feb 2nd. For the life of me I still can’t understand why she was mad. I mean yeah I suppose I didn’t tell her, but I got what she wanted, for a better price. I should also note that the headphones were delivered way before she left so that wasn’t an issue but she said she still didn’t appreciate it. Was I the asshole here? I thought I was being thoughtful and now I feel a bit unappreciated. ######

Response: NTA. I’m also confused why she’d be mad. ######


Prompt:
I live in an apartment that I moved into in September 2019. Since arriving, I have had probably close to 20 packages show up at my door addressed to someone I've never met. Let's say the name is Autumn. The packages all have my address and Autumn's name. Since they're not addressed to me, I just leave them outside and eventually they've all been picked up. I've never seen anyone pick them up, but they're always gone in 2-3 days.

At first I thought it must be the previous tenant who forgot to forward their mail, but I've never gotten a piece of mail addressed to Autumn. I do get mail addressed to previous tenants occasionally, but never a single piece addressed to her. I even mentioned this to my building manager, and she said she's never heard of Autumn. It's possible that she lived at this address with someone else and was just never on the lease, but still, she's never lived here.

My guess is that she has her packages sent here because we have a gate with a code, as opposed to other apartment buildings in my city which are open to the street. Almost all the packages have been marked on the outside as expensive cosmetics brands. I get that she doesn't want her stuff stolen, but it kind of pisses me off that a stranger is using my address as a free PO box. Like, if she can afford to order expensive makeup 2-4 times a month surely she has a little extra cash for a PO box, right?

On top of it all, this means that a stranger who has never officially lived in my building is still using our gate code to gain access to the building frequently. Which is in itself kind of skeevy, right?

I've considered leaving a short "please stop having your packages sent here" note, but haven't acted yet. ######

Response: NTA. I’d start bringing them into my house and writing return to sender on them and putting them back through the mail. After a few of her expensive packages got returned she would probably learn her lesson. Or you’d have the benefit of speaking to her face-to-face about it. ######


Prompt:
Long story short, I recently won a considerable amount of money from a $20 scratch ticket. As I don’t want to give away my identity, I won’t say how much but its enough for my girlfriend and I to quit our jobs and pay down all our debts which includes a hefty mortgage.

Initially i wanted to keep this a secret since i know how winning a large sum of money can potentially ruin families and relationships through greed and jealousy.. but after speaking with my girlfriend, she convinced me to tell my parents since they were old and have always struggled with money. Not because they don’t earn enough (they own a thriving pizza business, well not so much with COVID recently) but because they have crazy spending habits.

So yesterday, i called them and i told them that i had won a large amount of money and  could pay for all their future expenses and even pay for them to travel which they love doing.

In that call, I made it clear to them to not tell anyone. Not even family. I didn’t plan to live lavishly so i thought i could keep it a secret.
Well, long story short, they told my entire extended family which includes my two brothers brothers, one sister, and 6 nieces and nephews. Everyone wants a piece of my money now. Somehow word even got around to one of my old high school friends and he asked me if i could loan him some cash to pay rent and that he’d “hit me up next month fo sho”.

I called my parents and i blew up at them. I told them i wouldn’t be paying for any of their expenses and they could say goodbye to any vacation plans. In my view, if i buy them something, everyone will expect that of me and so the only solution is to not buy anything for anyone.

Everyone says i’m a greedy asshole. ######

Response: NTA. I’d get a financial advisor and a lawyer on standby stat. You just never know how petty and entitled a person really is. I’d update your wills too now that you’re seeing the true colors of your family. ######


Prompt:
Okay so, this might be a little weird so I’ll try and explain it.

Basically, out of all of my family I am the only one who has thick curly hair.

I mother swears up and down that she never cheated on my dad (although I’m pretty sure he still doesn’t believe it)

And because of my curly hair, I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had people come squealing up to me going “OMG YOUR HAAAAAIR” and the proceeding to literally fist my hair and pull on my curls just to watch them bounce back up

It’s really fucking irritating. There is no need for a grown ass woman to come up to me and start feeling up my hair with no warning. It’s a little more understanding when a child does, but not a grown fucking adult.

The amount of times I’ve had to tell people to keep their hands to themselves is astonishing.

So I’m hatching a plan that the next time someone touches my hair, I’m gonna touch them right back. An eye for an eye.

If they think it’s okay to touch me without permission, then I’m just gonna assume I can do the same.

My mother says it’s not worth it and quite frankly childish. It may very well be true, but this is my personal space god dammit.

Luckily it isn’t that much of an issue as of right now, but I know damn well it’s gonna start back up again once everything has calmed down. ######

Response: NTA. I've seen many a pregnant woman say they've done the same thing, since for whatever reason pregnant bellies get treated as public property that other people feel like they have license to touch. Yet you put *your* hand right back on their middle-age gut pudge and they act *shocked* that you'd cross a personal boundary like that! Yeah, exactly, *that's the point,* so keep your hands to yourself! ######


Prompt: Okay hear me out please, my birthday is in 10 days and this has been stressing me out. His sister has autism and she gets really loud breakdowns which results in everyone feeling bad for her. My boyfriend said “oh it will be so fun, Carrie will be there and she will love Strawberry cake”. I didn’t invite her? What?? We went over who is coming? I told him that I don’t feel comfortable with her because, to put it to truth, SHE RUINS THE VIBE. It’s not the fact she has autism, it’s the fact she can not control herself in this sort of environment. Best tjing I can do is send her the cake slice. My boyfriend is making me feel like I’m bigoted and judgemental when in reality, it is a lose lose. He’s now telling my mom that I don’t wanna invite his sister because she’s autistic and my mom had to give me a speech about different kinds of people. Am I bad for not wanting to invite her? ######

Response:
 NTA. I've never in my life invited a boyfriend's sister to a birthday party with friends. He should not have assumed she was invited. No one is entitled to a party invitation.

I think if you hadn't said she's autistic and just said your bf assumed that his sister was invited, but you didn't invite her because you don't get along, you wouldn't be getting y t a judgements. ######


Prompt:
I have a huge family. I’m 13 my brothers 15.

For my birthday I got a can of spaghetti that’s worth a dollar (that my brother ate, and gave to me ), old pens which my brother also gave to me, and a 15 dollar gift card from my mom and dad. I didn’t get any cards or anything from my family no one messaged me happy birthday. My brother got a bayonet, a pocket knife, a wot shirt, a ring with “god protect my soul” engraved on it, two collectors coins from russia, one from 1952 one from 1981, and a new phone all from my parents, along with 40 dollar headphones from me . He got a birthday card from my dads stepmom who hated my dad but loves my brother, and practically got “happy birthday“s thrown at him. With all the stuff he got he was still sad, I told him to cheer up at least he didn’t get dollar store stuff, he enjoyed my joke but My parents said I was messing up his birthday for bringing it up.

AITA for feeling bad about getting cheap presents like pens and a dollar can of spaghetti for my birthday While my brother got really expensive stuff? ######

Response:
 NTA. I'm the oldest sibling and the clear favorite in my family and have been given lavish gifts on my birthday as well as on my siblings special days. It caused a huge issue between me and my siblings, 1 that I didn't recognize until the damage was done. While one of my brothers and I are making up for it now as adults, I don't talk to my other siblings at all.

You are justified in your feelings, and it is really terrible when parents blatantly have favorites because of the damage it can do between siblings. I don't have any advice for you, but I hope you know it's not your brother's fault. I hope this was a fluke and not something that happens to you every year. Also happy belated birthday 🖤 ######


Prompt:
This has been going on for a while but I think the tipping point happened a couple days ago. She had asked me (22m) if I was circumcised, to which I told her I was not; she proceeded to say things like gross and we’re getting you circumcised in a joking manner...etc.

In that particular situation I could more or less tell se was being serious. And just today she was saying she thinks 7 inches is right right size and anything less would be small,-but here’s the kicker:

She is a virgin and has never stuck a finger in her vagina, whereas I’ve told her I’ve been with plenty of girls that have never commented on my size or uncircumcised penis. (Quite frankly it kinda hurt when she said it would be gross because I take pride in good hygiene downtown)

Initially it was funny and cute but Ive been thinking this is coming from someone who has never even had sex but she has this imaginary expectation of porn penis.

Anyway, would I be the butthurt asshole to confront her and tell her to get more mature? ######

Response: NTA. I'm sure she wouldn't like it if you start saying what the "perfect" boobs and vag should look like, even if hers was the opposite. Confront her, her opinions are ignorant and hurtful. ######


Prompt:
My mom just unexpectedly died from cancer. This has been the most difficult experience of my life, and I really needed my boyfriend to fly home. I voiced that I would pay for his ticket, but he replied that he thought it would be better if I flew to his place on our already planned trip in a week. I have three kids who are devastated and this is really not possible anymore. He also has a flight here for June 6th but didn’t reschedule.

At first, the issue was he needed to be home to rent the open rooms in his house. But that has been mostly resolved and he’s shown no urgency. He has been there for me communicatively but I really just need to be held and cry.

I wanted (needed) him here, and kindly voiced how it would mean a lot to me. However, I am at a point in my life where I won’t beg, nor try to change anyone. If he wanted to be here, he would, right? This is causing me to seriously second guess if we are on the same page. AITA?

He also has traveled home during the pandemic, so respectfully that argument is null.

Edit: Asking for opinions because obviously I want to bring this up, and am considering taking space or ending it if I am not the asshole, and he tries to make me feel like one. ######

Response: NTA. I'm sorry that your mom died. When my grandpa died, my husband was on a boys weekend away. He had hitched a ride with another guy so he couldn't just leave. I told him I'd be fine. Just after midnight  I got the call that he had finally passed. Suddenly, the door opened and my husband was there. His friend gladly drove him home in the middle of the night from their camping spot a couple hours away. If he wants to be there, he'd be there. You need to decide if what he's doing is enough for you. ######


Prompt:
Me [19M] and my sister [19F] had some big problems a year ago. She started acting really creepy towards me. She walked in on me while I was showering a couple of times. Then one morning I woke up to her naked in my bed, spooning and humping me, while her hand was on my penis. Our parents refused to believe me for a while until she admitted to it. She got therapy and cut out the behavior. It was obviously very uncomfortable and traumatic for me. I had tried to move on from it as my sister was acting better.

Anyway recently I caught my sister on my phone. After I got it back, I used my computer to see that she had sent and deleted pictures to herself from my phone. The pictures were nudes of myself. I was so shocked and upset that she would do something like that again after everything.

I wanted to delete the pictures off her phone but she has a password. So I called her girlfriend (they have been together for 6 months) and asked if she knew. I broke down and explained everything. She was shocked obviously. I deleted the pictures. Her gf is the only person to believe me and truly support me about it actually.

Anyway her gf broke up with her citing what I told her. My parents are furious at me for sharing this personal information with someone outside the family saying it could ruin my sister. They say I could destroy all the progress she has made. ######

Response: NTA. I'm so, so sorry this is happening to you. What your sister is doing is sexual abuse. Unfortunately, in cases of sexual abuse within families, it is extremely common for family members to be in denial or to blame the victim. Are you in a position to move out? Until you get some distance it seems likely you will continue to be put in this position. ######


Prompt: I am a pretty good artist and my classmates know it. They have no problem paying for my art except for one girl. She is the teachers' pet and the one that always reminds everyone of their mistakes. One day, she came to me asking if I could draw a horse for her. I told her that it'll be 2 KČ, which is the price of two croissants in the Czech Republic. (It's about 0,085 USD) And she said that it's too expensive and that we are friends (we are not) and that I drew free drawings for my friend and that it can't be THAT hard to draw. I told her if it's not that hard, she can draw it herself and that I drew it free for my friend because her dog died. She screamed at me calling me many names. AITA for wanting the price of two croissants for hours of hard work? ######

Response: NTA. I'm proud of you though my friend. Keep doing what you love. ######


Prompt:
I'm 31 weeks pregnant. I'm going to break up with my baby's father by Monday because he's emotionally abusive and made me feel threatened when I told him I needed space from him. He was saying things like "you can't keep my baby from me" (as if I have lost bodily autonomy or something) and "promise me you're coming over tomorrow or I'm showing up at your house tonight. You can call the cops if you want but that will unleash a hell you don't want to deal with." I don't love him and that conversation only made me more sure that I want to break up with him.

As of right now hospitals have restrictions on how many people can be in the delivery room. My doula counts as my one person, so I have no problem choosing her over anyone. But if restrictions are loosened by June, I would want my mom there as well. I feel like the father would be an added source of stress instead of comfort. However, I do understand that he wants to be there for the birth of his child. WIBTA if I did not allow him to be there? ######

Response: NTA. I'm pretty sure as the birth giver you have the right to deny anyone from being in the delivery room, but I strongly suggest you call an attorney and start collecting proof about his behavior if you want to nip this in the bud for good. ######


Prompt:
Hello. I'm a 42M. I don't want to include too many details because it will be easy to find me. I saw another fashion designer post here, so I wanted to post my own problem.

I recently created my own fashion brand (sole proprietorship). My niche is incorporating 17th-19th century fashion trends in my designs. It's not a big brand or anything and it's still in the fledgling stages.

I have a small team working for me. As of now, my clothing is only available in small, medium, and large sizes (0-10 dress US; 36-40 Europe). My wife (31F) recently confronted me about the lack of larger sizes. She says size-inclusivity is considered very important in the modern fashion world. She and my three daughters are all plus size.

I don't want to introduce those sizes for a few reasons. First, it is more expensive to create plus size garments because of the amount of fabric and customers may be angry if the price is higher for the same garment. Second, I'm not an expert in what looks good on plus size women and I believe other brands can do it better. Plus size women come in all different shapes and what look good on one plus sized woman can look atrocious on another. Third, my team doesn't have that much experience with creating plus sized clothing.

My brand is "upscale," but this is NOT the reason why I don't cater to plus sizes.

AITA for excluding plus sizes from my line? ######

Response: NTA. I'm plus size myself, and yes, it's disappointing to find something I like that isn't in my size, but you're right. It's more expensive and takes a more experienced tailor. Maybe it's something you can do in the future, but that doesn't make you a bad person or business owner. ######


Prompt:
I (20F) live with my parents and older brother. I’ll be honest - I do not like him. We do not get along. He’s annoying and intruding and loud and I could go on. I try to just ignore him.

For April fools day yesterday, as a “joke,” he decided to hide the pain medication I take to deal with my periods. I have horrible periods, especially the first couple days (which yesterday was) and the pain can be debilitating and make me cry if I don’t have the pain meds to help (even then, I still have pain, I’m just able to function).

I basically couldn’t find them all day yesterday then this morning he gave them to me and said “April Fools!!” His prank was hiding this on me since I “relied on them so heavily and need to see I don’t need pain meds to get through the day.” He said that’s what I get for keeping the meds in the kitchen (which I do because they need to be taken with food and/or water)

I was fucking pissed. He saw me crying and wincing in pain and hid them from me? I told him to fuck off and that this would be the last conversation we’d have for a while. I’m ignoring him but he keeps texting me like “come on really?” And giving ME dirty looks in the hallway like I’m the one who did something wrong.

My parents are staying out of it as we’re both adults. They say f how I want to deal with is by ignoring him then it is what it is.

AITA? I don’t think this was a joke. I think this is over the line. ######

Response: NTA. I'm not sure why he thought watching someone be in pain all day would be funny, but it's not. He crossed a line. ######


Prompt:
I (22, F) currently work as an EMT, and as part of my certification, I learned to deliver babies. On occasion, we will get calls to pick up someone whos in labor. I've gotten these calls about 3x and each time we have just transported the patient to the hospital and they have given birth there.

My sister (26, F) who is 8.5 months pregnant recently asked if I could deliver her baby at her home since I was certified. She wants to do it at home since the hospital in our area (Chicago) won't let family visit, and she wants us to be there since this is her first child. Also, her gynecologist is sick and wouldn't be there to deliver her child, so she's also nervous about having a doctor, she doesn't know.

I told her I would get back to her, but my sister and my mom keep texting me about it. Idk what to do, I'm really nervous about doing it since I have never delivered a baby before. She said the baby was perfectly healthy which is good and it obviously won't be premature but I'm still on the fence. ######

Response: NTA. I'm not familiar with your training, but it seems like you're trained to do it in an emergency scenario, not as a first option. It's a lot of responsibility, and if anything were to go wrong... ######


Prompt:
My wife has been asking me to get things for her upstairs multiple times a day for the past several months.  This morning she asked me to get something from our room (she was not busy and could have done it herself) and I asked why she never got things herself but was always asking me to do it.  I asked her if she was "allergic to stairs," which I thought was kind of funny but she thought was pretty rude.  FWIW my 7 year old thought it was hilarious.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA. I'm not 7 and I find it hilarious! ######


Prompt:
My boyfriend and I have lived together for over a year and we had birth control failure (broken condom) that resulted in me getting pregnant just a few months into the relationship.

The entire time I was pregnant I worked full time and was getting put on best eat quite a bit. He would not keep a job. He would not get along with management, they didn’t like him, they were picking on him, they wanted him to work longer hours or whatever excuse he could find to quit.

He’s also a chain smoker and always needing cigarettes or being very angry and rude when he didn’t have them. Well my son was born early and he needed to be in the NICU. I figured since my bf didn’t have a job that he would stay at the hospital with me.(2 1/2 hours away from our house) he then announced he got a new job and I could stay with the baby and he was going home (our son was given a 50:50 chance to even come home)

I was angry but I let him go hoping he was going to straighten up. Fast forward and our son is home and on oxygen and Of course my boyfriend isn’t working again and I’m pulling doubles. I make enough with my paychecks to pay the bills but I’ve been hiding my tip money in a wax candle burner it’s broken so it doesn’t turn on. I’ve saved quite a bit because if I don’t hide it then he takes it to buy pack after pack of cigarettes.

I know it’s dishonest but it’s the only extra money I have. Well he was messing around and hit the corner shelf where I keep the cash and it fell on the floor and money spilled out. He scolded me for hiding money from him and that he was suffering from nicotine withdrawal and that he couldn’t believe how selfish I was and that I was a liar and all this other stuff. AITA? ######

Response: NTA. I'm more concerned why you chose to stay with someone like this than why you hid money. ######


Prompt:
My 16 year old brother was diagnosed with lactose intolerance about 8 months ago, he has it fairly bad I think he can’t eat anything with lactose in it without having to leave in the bathroom for like 2 days afterward.

My mum has bought lactose free and vegan food to accommodate him while trying to not majorly change his diet. One sore spot for him is ice cream, he has vegan friendly ice cream in our freezer but claims it doesn’t taste the same. I’ve got no clue, I don’t eat it because I don’t want to limit the amount of food he can eat in the house.

So because of the recent hot weather where I live mums been getting more ice cream when she does the shopping. She buys a tub for each of us so there isn’t an issue with sharing ( she’s always done this I think it comes from being 1 of 8 kids growing up and sharing being difficult).

It was the afternoon and the temperature was at its peak so without really thinking about it I went and got my ice cream out and was sat on the sofa eating it, my brother comes down sees me and almost immediately starts shouting while demanding to know what I’m eating. I told him it was cookie dough ice cream and he wanted to know if it was suitable for him, I responded no because it wasn’t and he had a tube of chocolate in the freezer that he could eat.

He started shouting about how he is always left out and disrespected for being different, that he’s always bought shit ice cream and that if he has to make do with vegan ice cream everyone else should too, he then stormed up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door as hard as he could.

Mum and dad have opted to ignore it, they’re putting it down to a stress reaction, he’s asked me to apologise to him because he feels I was inconsiderate of his issues. I don’t think I need to apologise, he’s been offered pills that could help him eat lactose foods but refused them and he has got food options. Why do I have to change my diet for him or my eating habits for him?

So AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. I'm lactose intolerant but I eat ice cream every single day because I take lactase pills. He is making this choice.

And yeah, dairy free ice cream is disgusting. ######


Prompt:
I've been saving up in order to move out in order to escape my mother for my own sanity. While checking my online statements with my bank app I found out my mom has taken over $700 out of my account, not counting the 200 i loaned to her.

To say I was pissed is an understatement but I'm too afraid to confront her, so I just decided to move all my money into a new account without her knowledge.

Yesterday our dog got hurt and now she's limping, my mom took her to the vet and came home around thirty minutes later, demanding to know where all my money is.

I asked her what she was talking about and she started yelling at me, saying that 'you need to put the money back' and 'i need it in case of emergencies like this!' I tried telling her that if she needed money I would loan it to her and she just needed to ask but all I got back was 'You live under my roof, the least you can do is help me without me having to ask for it.'

My family is devided, they know cuz afterwards my mom called my relatives to complain about me, on if I'm an asshole or not for moving the money without my mother's knowledge.

AITA?

(Edit: I am currently 18 and work full time. I pay rent and part of our phone bill while having chores. I told her I'd pay for the dogs appointment but my mom is refusing until i put the money back) ######

Response: Nta. I'm assuming you're over 18. Once you became an adult her name should have been taking off of the account because it's YOUR money. She does not get unfettered access to it. ######


Prompt:
Every night, my brother(16) calls his cousin and they play Call of Duty Mobile with 3 other family members. However, when he does this, he's loud as hell and ignores literally everything anyone tells him.

He yells into his mic on his earbuds and constantly is asking if the others can hear him. He also snaps at my other brother(14) and I(20) for being too loud when we're just having a normal conversation because we're butting in on his conversation.

Tonight, I finally had enough of his mess. I asked him to go in his room and play because he was too loud and his constant "can you still hear me?" every 3 minutes was annoying. He instantly got upset and pissy and told his group he was leaving. He then got after me, saying that the wifi isn't good in his room. I told him thats a lie because I get perfect wifi at the way back of our acre property. Then he decided that he didn't wanna be around me anymore, and stormed off to his room and scowled at me every time he left his room. ######

Response: NTA. I'm assuming it's a shared space he's playing in and it's pretty rude to be on a (loud) phone call with people while there's already people in said room. ######


Prompt: So... my MIL who is temporarily wheelchair bound came to live with us 4 weeks ago to recover from surgery. She is usually a heavy smoker. I do not smoke and I hate it with a passion. Her health means she should not be smoking at all. I am taking her to all her appointments and providing food and care etc. Basically anything she needs I do and buy. So tonight I come home from work and I can smell stale  cigarettes. The room she is occupying (my teenage daughter's room which she gave up and is bunking with her much younger sisters) has French doors that so think she is opening up thinking the smell will 'blow away' when all it does is blow straight back I to the house. I had suspected she was smoking outside when I'm at work which is just stupid because she is screwing up her recovery which means longer with me and more appointments for me to take her to but now smoking inside... my house in my daughter's room... and she knows I hate it. Knowing there is no way I would say that is okay. Am I the asshole for being so fucking angry that I want her to get out of my house. Wheelchair or no wheelchair. If she can't respect the way I live then she shouldn't be in my house. So what are your opinions please? I'm so mad. ######

Response:
 NTA. I'm a smoker. Have been since it was legal to smoke in restaurants and pubs etc. I don't even smoke in my own house these days let alone someone else's. If I was staying with someone else, I'd even ask if it was OK to smoke outside on their property before doing it. I can't imagine just lighting up inside someone else's house. I'd fully expect to be kicked out immediately.

Edit: errant apostrophe. ######


Prompt:
My SIL is an aspiring author, and has been working on a full book series for a few years now. She plans to self-publish, and has been having a hard time deciding on what her book covers will look like, since she doesn’t want blank covers. I’m an artist by hobby, and would like to make it my main means of income eventually. I’m not a known artist by any means honestly, and my SIL knows that I’m working on getting my art out there. So she approached me about making the art for her book covers, and started playing up how it’s going to get my art attention.

Initially, I was interested, but when I mentioned payment for my work, she wouldn’t talk about it and started saying that we can “work something out later.” She won’t even name what she would be willing to pay, and I told her unless she’s paying me, she’s not getting my art. She’s also started watching me as I draw, and makes a noticeably disgusted face when I put my artist signature on the piece.

She eventually brought up the topic of me supplying her cover art again, and specifically asked that I not put my signature on the pieces. I reminded her that I hadn’t even agreed to do her covers, and asked why she didn’t want my watermark on the pieces. She said it was ugly and took the focus off her book title and her own name. So I asked that if I did the works, “would I be paid and credited for the cover work?” She got upset and said I’m being greedy and should just help her because we’re family, and that she gets free art from her friends all the time. I told her to get her free art from her friends then, I will not be working for free.

SIL stormed off to her room after that, and her friends on Facebook have been calling me an ass for not being willing to help a beginner author make a good-looking book. It’s starting to make me second guess my decision to not supply the art for her books.

AITA or is she just being unreasonable? ######

Response:
 NTA. I'm a professional artist and experienced a lot of this when I was starting out. It's fine that she doesn't want your signature visible on the cover, but the artist is always credited in the text somewhere in or on the book.

She's not in the driver's seat here...You are. It's very simple. State your price and requirements regarding credit. She can take it or leave it. ######


Prompt:
For context, he (23m) isn’t playing for me (23f) specifically, just playing because it’s his hobby.  A few hours a day and it’s not generally popular music, usually songs from games or films and 9 times out of 10 they are what I would call ‘Cowboy Themed’.  He also does the singing in the appropriate accent for the song (we are English).

We live in a very small flat, our kitchen and living room are one and the only other rooms are the loo and bedroom.  He plays in the living room and when he starts I tend to get up and go and sit in the bedroom.  The reason for this is because it’s not really the type of music that I like, and he does it LOUD.  It’s very overpowering to be in the same room as.

He’s recently mentioned that he thinks it’s rude for me to leave and that I should stay and listen.  I thought this was a bit uncalled for, especially considering I don’t even put the tv volume above 15 if it’s something only I’m watching and he’s in the room, and I’ve also watched a video on my phone with sound out loud (not through headphones) precisely once during the time we’ve lived together while we’ve been in the same room, and he asked me to mute it within 30 seconds of it being on because ‘the woman’s voice is annoying’ which I did immediately.  I generally make an effort to not be overly loud when doing anything with others present as I was raised that this is rude.

I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, but I think I need another perspective on this!  Thanks 😊 ######

Response: NTA. I'm a musician too. Sometimes we play the same song like 50x in a row to get it down. Your boyfriend expecting you to sit and listen to him play is not only selfish, but leaning towards narcissistic. ######


Prompt:
I just went into the kitchen and saw that my flatmate is using communal mugs to clean her menstrual cup. I know that there are probably no germs etc. left in the mug after sterilization but the thought just grosses me out.

I'm a male and am aware that I might not have full insight into this situation. My flatmates are pretty pro-sexual expression, body acceptance etc. which I have no issue with but I still think it's fair enough to find something like this just gross. It has nothing to do with me finding periods gross, but I mean I would not leave blood-stained plasters or condoms lying around on kitchen plates either.

I have not brought it up yet because I'm expecting some backlash and also I wanted to know the opinion of others especially other females. ######

Response:
 NTA. I'm a girl and that's af.

Edit: gross. That's gross af ######


Prompt:
Client Refuses to Pay Me for Commission, Says I’m Twisting Her Arm

Can somebody back me up here?

One year ago I was contacted for a commission for voicework. I won’t give the client’s name. She had also separately commissioned a scriptwriter as well. That writer did not produce the script for over 6 months, but once they did I had the recordings done in under a week.

I sent them to the client, and then waited for a response. Of course a lot of big developments started happening in my life shortly thereafter. Proposing, moving to England, having a baby. Up until yesterday I’d forgotten about the commission. But upon remembering I sent an email to the client. I stated that I felt I’d been more than patient and wanted to know why I hadn’t been compensated. I also warned her that if I was not compensated, I would refuse to work with her again and tell my colleagues not to either.

I got a message back this morning stating that I shouldn’t expect the terms of a deal to stay the same after a year of no communication. That she feels uncomfortable that I’m “twisting her arm” like this. Then she goes off on how 2019 was a really rough year for her and criticizes me for “threatening” her after a year.

I  responded stating that I wasn’t trying to threaten her, but that these are are consequences of going back on our agreement.  Am I the asshole here? ######

Response: NTA. I'd see if you can sue them or file some sort of legal complaint against any media they use your VA work on. ######


Prompt: I recently got a new job (past month) and my boss has two young toddlers who instantly became attached to me. They have a full time nanny, but because they like me so much they have started hanging out around the work place to “help” me. I don’t mind spending time with the kids and enjoy showing them how I do my job and letting them participate, and my boss has expressed how grateful she is for my patience with them and has started leaving me alone with both of them regularly during my work hours. Then yesterday out of the blue she sent me a pretty blunt text message telling me that she is not happy with my level of efficiency at work and that it, “Should not take four hours to do X amount of work.” I totally agree with her that it is taking me way too long to get work done, at my last job I would get almost 3 times the amount of work done in the same amount of time. I just feel like it’s completely unreasonable for her to expect me to work efficiently at my job when I’m also doing the job of her nanny and babysitting two young children/teaching them how to do everything.Am I being unreasonable? What do I even say to her next time I see her? I don’t know how to explain to her that I can’t work efficiently when I have to pace myself with a four-year-old. ######

Response:
 NTA. I'd be fairly frank with her. Tell her you "don’t mind spending time with the kids and enjoy showing them how [you] do [your] job and letting them participate," but it will mean that it will take "four hours to do X amount of work." Then you haven't said anything offensive, but the ball is in her court.

What does the nanny do all day? ######


Prompt:
 So long story short I (18f) dated D (20m) for about three years. In early March I found out I am pregnant. Naturally he was the the first one I told and his response was "come find me again after you get rid of it." This naturally led to a but of an argument until he backhanded me.
 After that I walked away and havent spoken to him since.  I have however kept somewhat in touch with T (16f) his sister. Time passed and the protests started. About 2wks ago I got a call from T begging me to bail D out of jail because her parents couldnt afford to. Now I don't know how much it was but I probably could have asked my dad at the time and he would have helped if possible. I didnt and still don't see the need to do that. He has not contacted me one time about this baby. I havent blocked him and if he decides to I will let him into this baby's life.
His parents managed to bail him out but now T is calling me a bitch and saying that I shouldnt have made their parents sacrifice a mortgage payment to get him out of jail because he is the father of my unborn child.
So am I wrong in refusing to bail him out? ######

Response: NTA. I'd also seriously consider if this is the kind of person you want in your child's life. The *only* thing he's done is help create this child. He's already made it clear that he wants nothing to do with either of you. ######


Prompt: He was in a zoom meeting and wanted his wine refilled. I was busy doing things on my computer as well, so he just snapped his fingers at me as if I was a waitress and pointed at his wine glass. Like I get he couldn't talk in his meeting but he couldn't have just muted his mic for a second to ask me to get some more wine for him? I'm not an animal. He doesn't understand why I'm upset about this. ######

Response: NTA. I wouldn’t even treat a waiter/waitress like that. ######


Prompt:
Me and my sister share a car right now, and when I was driving home about 3 or 4 days ago I got into a minor accident that wasn't my fault.  The car got completely totaled cause the axel got bent, I was fine and the other driver was fine but ow the only car that works (that we can drive) is my mom's which she takes to work, while we take the bus to our work.

My sister has been blaming me over and over for this accident, and I have had enough.  I told her to knock it off but it just didn't work.  She is technically my half sister (share the same dad) and my dad cheated on her mom with my mom and had me.  Her biggest insult she always calls me is "divorce baby" and I hate it with a passion.  Our relationship other than that is alright but if we are ever fighting or I piss her off she will start saying that over and over.  I forgot what exactly happen but I know she called me the divorce baby who couldn't drive and I locked myself in my room for the rest of the night.

Her birthday was yesterday and I was still mad at her from the previous night, and where I usually get a gift I got her a card and just wrote down "happy birthday" and called it a day.  My mom says she is disappointed, and I told her that I'm not gonna take her calling me the divorce baby.  She said I get you are mad but I shouldn't stoop to her level of pettiness.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA. I wouldn’t do nice things for someone who treats me like shit. ######


Prompt:
I (24f) allow my cousin(26m)and his 2 kids to live with me and my girlfriend. I have extreme asthma and other breathing difficulties. My gf suffers from extreme migraines. I only let my cousin stay because I love my neices. He is an avid smoker and never has payed me for him living here. I let him stay in my spare bedroom that used to be the gaming room. My nieces sleep there too. I've caught him smoking in there several times and asked him to stop.
A few weeks  ago when I came home I found him in the living room smoking. I yelled at him and said if I caught him smoking again I would kick him out. Well I get a call from my gf at work which is weird but I answered it and she told me she can't find her gold necklace. I first think its just lost somewhere and brush it off. Well I come home just as my gf is leaving to go to the doctors and I walk into my cousins room when she leaves and find a still lit cigarette in the ash tray and I then look all around the room for the box and find the necklace in his empty pants pocket. So i put out the cigarette take a puff of my inhaler and then set them on the table. I proceeded to wait for my cousin. To get back from taking my nieces to the park. He comes back and i tell the girls to go in the other room and then i tell him that he has 3 days to leave. And he then throws a tantrum, calls me names and accuses me of looking through his stuff and then I remind him that he stole from my gf and that he has put my health at risk just so he can smoke.
My aunt called me a heartless bitch and hasnt spoken to me since. My gf thinks I was to hard on him. I called the mom of my nieces so she could come and get them. So reddit did I make a mistake by kicking them out? ######

Response: NTA. I wouldn't have even let them in, knowing he's a smoker. Just smelling it on his clothes would have made me sick. The stealing is just the icing on the top. ######


Prompt:
When I like to have a bit of self love I tend to prefer amateur type videos, one day I'm scrolling through different videos and find someone who looks very familiar. I download the video and lo and behold it is a friend of mine, same tattoo and looks exactly like her. The video is pretty old so it must have been when she was with her ex.

I decided to drop her a message with a screenshot from it so she's not bullshitting. My exact message was "Hey, I thought you ought to know but I found a video of you on the internet in case you didn't know it had been uploaded" and then a link to the video.

I wasn't trying to do anything with it, I'd just want to know if it was a video of me. I thought she'd be a tad embarrassed at most but she was extremely angry. "Why are you showing me this?" and "What are you going to do with it?" were her replies. I tried explaining I wasn't going to do anything and that she ought to know. She called me an arsehole, told me to do what I want and then blocked me.

Did I do something wrong here? Some time last year I told her I like her, she didn't feel the same way and I moved on and all I can think is that she thinks I want to use this against her or something. The ex in question and her didn't part ways wells but I don't know why she thinks I'm going to do something. ######

Response: NTA. I would want to know. She may feel embarrassed/angry/upset/uncomfortable - but you're not an asshole for making her aware of the video being online. ######


Prompt: Ordered a custom product, told them what I wanted down to the design and colors and paid a design fee. It was a custom gift for my wife and another one for my daughter. A month after it came, they listed the product I had them make for my daughter as a buying option for everyone visiting their site using a photo of my daughters gift as the image on the page. I said something and they refunded my design fee for that product. When they listed the first they decided they would no longer charge the design fee on thing that they would relist or people would pay extra to keep it off their for sale page. Two days after that I check their site and they listed the item I had made for my wife for Mother’s Day. For her it was a personal item and now it’s for sale, no mention of a refund. Feel like i need to take their 5 Star perfect reviews down a notch with a review telling everyone to never have them make something personal. ######

Response: NTA. I would trash them too if this happened to me.  Stealing other people’s designs is low. Especially shitty that they did it twice. You gave them an opportunity to make things right. The public has the right to know that their designs are not safe with these people. They could have switched things up/be inspired by you and created something original but they chose to steal and for that they get no mercy. ######


Prompt:
[Slyvy Bear](https://www.flickr.com/photos/69228620@N03/49777975553/in/dateposted-public/) is 16 and sadly it looks like she's nearing the end of her life.

She's struggling to put on any weight and has a bowel tumor. I'm heart broken. I bottle fed her. She's my girl. I'm not ok, I'm not sure I'll ever be ok once she's gone.

My husband wants to bury her at his parents house, with all his pets. I want to cremate her so I can always have her close to me.

Hubby says that's creepy but I don't care and told him that his opinion doesn't matter. He says that he doesn't want a dead pet in the house and I'm being a unreasonable bitch

AITA? ######

Response: Nta. I would say n a h until he called you names. People mourn differently. ######


Prompt:
It’s been really hot in my country lately. 42° with intense humidity. It doesn’t get cool enough to sleep until 2am and my room is the only room in our house without an AC so recently, I’ve been sleeping naked (with only underwear on).

I lock my door and close my curtains, I’m no exhibitionist. I genuinely just do this because of the heat.

Last night, my uncle knocked in my door and I said “wait,” he knocked more and said “faster,” to which I replied to “wait I’m getting dressed.” He started yelling telling me I’m taking so long and he needs to borrow my HDMI cable. I opened the door and apologized because I don’t sleep with clothes on and I had to get dressed.

This resulted in a family meeting, us in the living room where my uncle and my aunt are getting mad at me for sleeping naked. Saying it’s indecent, embarrassing, and “what if the neighbours see?” They even called me a “slut” (in our language) and said I probably do it to video call my boyfriend naked.

I couldn’t defend myself but I feel like I’m TA here because everything they said made sense.

AITA? ######

Response: Nta. I would recommend getting a bathrobe so you can throw it on quicker than putting all your clothes on ######


Prompt:
So basically what happened is that last night I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone in a discord call and then he started cuddling his dog, which he's had for a long time. I don't hate his dog or anything and I understand he loves his dog and I'm completely okay with that. But then I was talking to him and he ignored me and was talking to his dog and said "I love you more than *insert my name here*.

I never had a dog, so I can't say that I understand the strong love between a human and an animal, especially one he's had since he was a kid and that his dog is important to him. But since he was already ignoring me it just annoyed me and was uncalled for because there's a lot of times I feel like he doesn't love me at all. He just told me not to leave the call but I left anyway.

about two hours later I call him back and he asks why I left because he didn't remember and I told him.  He thought I was being ridiculous because it was just a joke. But he sounded serious and just told me not to leave which tells me he knew exactly what he said would upset me. He then told his mom about how I was upset and she agreed that I was being stupid about getting jealous over a dog and was just being insecure, which honestly embarrassed me. My boyfriend then started calling me crazy, so I left the call again and he texted me saying "there you go being crazy again.

Was I in the wrong here? I feel stupid about it after I got some sleep but I just want to know if I was being an asshole. ######

Response: NTA. I would have said no assholes for the first half regarding the joke,  because it does sound like a joke albeit one that crashed and burned. But complaining about you to his mother and starting to call you crazy are big asshole moves. ######


Prompt:
This is a weird one, sorry in advance. This was 5 months ago and it’s still a fight my bf and I are having. Clearly since pregnancy and miscarriages aren’t easy topic for people to talk about, I’ve come here.

I (27F) was about 6 weeks pregnant when I started bleeding really heavily randomly. To cut a long story short - I was miscarrying. Didn’t know I was pregnant, wasn’t upset about it. It was really whatever. I have no intention of children, I guess the shot failed me.

They sent me home from the hospital after a mental health check to make sure I was okay. Like I said, wasn’t upset about it, didn’t bother me much besides the physical pain obviously. They gave me the pill that helps to move the process along faster at home instead of waiting. When I was at home and sitting on the toilet, I felt it like fall out. So I just kind of look at for awhile and said “I didn’t think I would be able to see it!” (it was in the sac I think?) My boyfriend then said “stop being so fucking weird about this.” He then accused me of wanting to KEEP IT. When I said “it’s just curiosity, this is new to me too.” He stormed off and said he doesn’t want to be with someone who could be so heartless as not to care about this and treat “him” like a science project.

I asked him if he wanted to be pregnant or have kids and he said no but I should “respect” his kid more than that. I told him it’s happening to me and we just feel different about it. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive, I said sorry at the time but he hasn’t let it go.

Was I the asshole? It was something that was just happening to me and I was curious about it. He’s never hinted he’s wanted to kids or pro life of anything so this attitude is new to me. ######

Response: NTA. I would have been fascinated too. At 6 weeks it wasn't really anything anyway. ######


Prompt:
At the time I was 18(F). I was doing a Media Make-Up and SFX course, and when I applied I was not aware there would be hairdressing aswell, I wasn’t interested.
I have Afro-carribean hair and was the only mixed-race person in the class. My teacher and the rest of the girls had straight hair. She wanted the girls to be blow-drying/straightening/rollering my hair, which I explained they can’t because my hairs DIFFERENT and it could ruin it (genuinely, as I use African natural products and I never ever use heat - It’s also super super curly?) and she said I had NO CHOICE but to participate, I was extremely upset. She tried to put a fckin brush through my DRY hair which hurt and I flipped out and left, I have to wash my hair wet & conditioned for obvious reasons. And I felt like despite her being a qualified hairdresser, she should either have some knowledge of my type of hair or not go near it at all. My other teachers & the girls then became super bitchy and telling me I’m “acting superior” which caused my anxiety to rocket, and I eventually left. AITA? ######

Response: NTA. I would hate for someone to keep trying to touch my hair without consent. However, I don't understand why they don't have hairdressing mannequin heads to practice on instead? The whole thing sucks. I'd speak to the head of the program (or dean, if in college) and make your case heard. You may change the program for the better. ######


Prompt:
Some context I live in an apartment complex where the doors face eachother and the space is relatively small. I understand how the camera works in that it picks up on motion and what not and sends an alert to your phone.

My primary concern with this is that this particular neighbor has a history of stealing my packages or attempting to. I've caught him at least 3-4 times stealing my chewys orders and even tried to steal my grandfathers fathers day gift when it was delivered. Hell I have to be careful with food delivery because he tries to steal my groceries when theyre delivered and my uber orders if I order out ((we are in a hotspot and im high risk for covid so I stay put most of the time)).

I also work over night so I tend to walk my dogs around 4 am when I get off and its cool. The other day I got a nasty note on my door from him telling me not to walk my dogs as I set off the alarm.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA. I would do “fashion shows” just to annoy him with extra notifications. Dress up, leave your apt, twirl about & go back inside, put on a new outfit. Do it over & over again. Build up to costumes. ######


Prompt:
I get food stamps. Not a lot but enough to pay for what I need and a little extra. Got a roommate a few months ago and everything was going great. Paid rent on time. Bought food and everything.

Now it's not so great. He doesn't buy food for the house he buys this minute microwave meals for himself which was fine. I still had my food. Well few weeks ago he lost his job and is supposed to start a new one soon. But I'm that time I been helping out by cooking a little extra and sharing what I had. Things have been right trying to pay our bills and food but not bad.

Well tonight kind of pissed me off. I had a late lunch and didn't feel like cooking yet so I was into my game and he rolls into the kitchen and starts cooking. And I mean actual cooking. I was kind of happy I wouldn't have to cook dinner ya know?

Boy was I wrong. I head him cleaning up so I got take a look and there's one plate LOADED with eggs bacon hash browns sausage and grits. So I asked where's mine and he says I didn't know u wanted any and walked off. I mean Not only did he use my food to make this meal he ate the sausages I had pulled out for me and him to share. I just don't know I'm so angry over this that it's got me shaking. So am I the Ass hole if I confront him about this tomorrow? Or should I let this go? ######

Response: NTA. I would definitely confront him (without being aggressive) and set some boundaries. ######


Prompt:
So my (f22) bf (m22) mentioned that he and his coworker send weird hentai to each other as a joke. I immediately got annoyed and told him it was inappropriate and I wasn’t comfortable with it. He didn’t think there was anything wrong with it but told me he wouldn’t do it if it made me uncomfortable.  He tells me I guess your right. I wasn’t trying to make this about me being right or trying to attack him, I told him I was just trying to get my feelings across. He just responded with I understand and that was it. Now he isn’t texting me. Was I blowing this out of proportion? This all happened over text btw.

Edit: the coworker was female. That’s why I was upset. ######

Response: NTA. I would be upset too if my bf send weird hentai to another girl. Its indeed inappropriate. I guess he just not replying because he is self reflecting on his actions. ######


Prompt:
This relates to an online marketplace for guitars. Last December I was selling a guitar of mine for just about $6,000 which someone bought. I had to ship it to them. I made sure to document my packaging (a dozen or so photos in varying states of packed) as well as I took a photo of me dropping it off at the PO. I've been buying and selling and shipping guitars online for ten-ish years at this point and I do this for every guitar I ship. I shipped it out, I got my money, and I thought this was the end of it.

Two weeks go by and the buyer says he didn't receive the guitar. Tracking says it was delivered. They contact the marketplace site and try to get the situation mediated. I was told it's my responsibility to ensure delivery. I call the courier, they confirm it was delivered (they even have a photo of the courier dropping it off). I thought this was the end of it, but nope.

The courier said if the buyer didn't have it, it was porch pirated. Despite paying $300 extra for the full $6000 insurance, they won't pony up. Said it's out of their control. At this point the marketplace said I needed to refund the buyer and eat the cost.

This seemed so fishy to me. If it was indeed porch pirated, then the courier should pay for it. But there's no proof: the buyer could have got it and just wants their money, too. It seemed they were beginning the process of automatically taking the money out of my account, so I went to the bank and closed that account, withdrawing all my money. I switched banks and washed my hands of it.

Was I the asshole here? If it truly was porch pirated, I feel for the buyer but this wasn't my fault. Nowhere in the marketplace policy guide does it mention porch pirates, nor does the courier's website. Friends of mine have said this is the cost of doing business and I should have ate the cost. I told many of them to eat shit. ######

Response: NTA. I work in shipping. If the customer allows the product to be left on the porch vs signed for it's on them if shit happens. ######


Prompt:
This is so stupid I know, but here it goes. Background: I (27F) have wanted to get matching tattoos with my husband (33M) for years. We have been together for 9 years now. Not like each other’s names or anything crazy, but something that symbolizes our relationship. Every idea I’ve had he’s shot down, and he hasn’t put forth any ideas.

Fast forward to today, when he says that he wants to get a tattoo of a rubber duck with 2 guys that he works with. I’m sure it’s an inside joke or something. One of the guys he has known less than a year, and the other he’s worked with for a few years. So it’s not like they’re best friends or anything.

I told him it bothered me that I’ve been trying to plan a tattoo with him for years, but he decides at the drop of a hat he wants to get a random tattoo with 2 guys he really doesn’t know all that well. He got mad and said I “just don’t understand”, which apparently he’s right because I don’t. Admittedly I feel a bit left out, almost jealous.

I know that it his body, he is an adult and it is his choice. I’m not trying to tell him not to get a tattoo with them, or to force him to get just any tattoo with me. That’s ridiculous. I just wonder if I’m making something out of nothing here. AITA? ######

Response: NTA. I won't make judgements on getting a tattoo as a long established couple or as short term friends. The thing is, you don't understand, and understandably so. You got some conflicting information. He should come clear about why he's not excited about getting a tattoo with you, why he's postponing it, or at least how one matter is different from the other in his eyes. ######


Prompt:
Hello everyone. Final grades are due soon, and my TA is adamant that I'm an asshole for considering this.

Background: I teach at a large public university. One of my classes this semester had two midterms worth 25% each, and a final worth 50%.

A student contacted me after Midterm #1 to tell me that her test had been incorrectly marked, as the TA had mistakenly calculated her mark to be 100 when it was in fact a 90. This 10% decrease on her midterm would work out to be 2.5% of her final grade. I thanked her and had her come by the TA's office to adjust her mark.

This student did excellently on both midterms, but not as well on the final. Her overall mark in the course is an 80, which is the minimum required mark for an A- i.e. a 3.7 GPA. I plan to bump her up to an 85, which is the mark required for an A, or a 4.0 GPA. I do not know this student well, having met her only once. However, I know she wants to go to medical school, and where we're from, you need to essentially have a 4.0 if you want to get there.

My logic is that had she not come to me, she would have automatically gotten a grade 2.5% higher. By showing integrity, she gets to earn an extra 2.5% reward on top of that. I also would be pleased to have more people like her in our medical system and am happy to facilitate that. *Nobody else* is affected by this as the class is not curved.

My TA says it's unfair as none of the other students were given this accidental opportunity to come forwards and earn a higher grade. I'll tell you what: in my 20+ years of teaching, this is the first student I've ever had come to me to have her grade adjusted down. I have had, on average, a quarter of the class make their way into my office hours at some point during each semester to argue for marks going up. Stands to reason that a further quarter of the class should be coming in to argue for lowered marks, but this has not occurred.

I think this is fair. AITA? ######

Response: NTA. I wish my professors were more like you. Not because you’re bumping up a grade, but because you’re assessing the situation holistically and trying to put your student on a level playing field from the previously made mistake. Because it’s clear that you understand that grades can absolutely make or break us, and sometimes the system is just flawed. This tiny change could entirely make the rest of your student’s future and potentially put them on a track towards a successful career within the medical field. That’s pretty awesome in my book. If you feel like it’s the right thing to do, then go ahead and do it. ######


Prompt:
In my group of friends there's one guy who is your stereotypical nice guy, even comes with his own fedora. He's asked at every girl in our group then goes with "it's just a friend date" when they inevitably said no. I mostly ignore it all, but he ended up asking my GF out, when she said no he said he just wanted to hang out as friend and when she invited me he suddenly wasn't interested.

We've all been hanging out in a video chat lately and his cringeniess is becoming more and more apparent. I try to ignore it all but it just makes things awkward for everyone as he competes far too much with other guys when they're just talking to the girls. At one point we were all drinking and playing a game and my GF was being terrible at it so I was poking fun at her and ribbing her. He chimes in with "I think you should apologise to her, that was uncalled for" so she said "Dude, I don't need you to whiteknight me" which made him go quiet and then leave the chat.

He's been hitting on one new girl and it's made her uncomfortable, or so says my GF, and he's just not getting the message. We were all drinking tonight and he was jsut being super awkward so I just blurted out "She's not gonna fuck you bro, move on". he got quiet, left and then left all the chats.

Some people are saying I should apologise and that I was bullying him. ######

Response: NTA. I wish more people would have confronted the creepy dudes in my friend group. ######


Prompt:
This happened when I was 14 in 2001, but it comes up sometimes.
I was living with my parents and brother, we were pretty broke so we never got gifts.
For my brothers birthday he was giving a CD player/radio boom box thing for his room. For him that meant entertainment and fun and mind expansion etc.
For my birthday I was given an electric razor to shave my legs outside of the shower with no water. My parents said I wasted way too much water shaving and now I was not allowed to shave in the shower ever again. This was my only gift and I was upset and said I’d rather have a gift that stimulated my mind, something I could enjoy, like my brother got.
It ended up in both of them yelling at me and calling me selfish and saying to be grateful I got anything. I said they were sexists and I got grounded.
Discussing this the other day my parents still maintain that I was being a jerk. AITA? ######

Response: NTA. I will maintain that your parents are assholes ######


Prompt:
So this happened a while back but a conversation with a teacher made me overthink it.

I coached gymnastics. My last name is my fathers, and I'm not in contact with him due to mental abuse. I don't like my last name. So let's same my name was Lexy Smith. I introduced myself to the kids as mrs. Lexy.

I did this in all my classes, also those where I was an assistant. One day after assisting a preteam class (ages 5 to 8), the main teacher and I were cleaning up and she told me she would prefer if I would go by mrs. Smith because the kids were now calling her by her first name too. I refused since hearing my last name reminds me of the past and while I'm coaching I want to have fun. I get these kids are little, but surely they can call us by the names we prefer? She said she was older so I should just do what she says.

This was just before summer break and this specific class didn't fit in my new school schedule but in my other classes I kept up mrs. Lexy and nobody ever had a problem with it again.

But AITA for using my first name when kids adress me? ######

Response: NTA. I went by Ms. Firstname as a teacher for similar reasons. The other teacher is perfectly capable of solving her problem herself by issuing a quick and gentle correction. “My name is Mrs. Bumbleschmoop” is not hard to say. ######


Prompt:
My fiance and I were planning to get married this year anyway. We obviously can't do a "full" wedding, but we need to legally marry now for legal reasons and health insurance. In my area, weddings can only have a maximum of 15 people, and that includes the officiant, the bride and groom, and any vendors they have.

So with just the bare minimum (us, officiant, and a photographer), we can only have 11 guests. My fiance has his parents, and 5 siblings, all of whom live in the state and are close. I have my parents, who are divorced and remarried, and two siblings.

Including the stepparents, we have 17 people total, which is 2 over the limit. We have to clip by two people. Bio parents can't be cut. Siblings are all close and we can't just cut siblings out without an even worse fallout. So that leaves the new(er) spouses. I like them both and the relationship is good, but they're the closest to "extra" people that we can cut from this wedding (I know this sounds horrible).

My stepmother is furious, says I don't respect her or any marriage, and that it's horribly wrong to split up a married couple no matter what the circumstance. My stepfather is sad but understands that I can't really control the situation.

Not marrying now isn't practical advice. We can't just "bend the rules" and have them, because the police will give us a heavy fine, and we will be forced to completely disperse. I'm willing to come take pictures with them later, they just can't come to the actual wedding. AITA? ######

Response: NTA. I was leaning toward n a h because I understand why your stepmother’s feelings might be hurt, but I think her reaction went a bit too far. You didn’t “disrespect” her marriage and I don’t know why she can’t see or accept that in this situation this is really the only solution. ######


Prompt:
This happened a while ago, but still get comments about how much of an asshole I am so I guess I'll ask here

I knew my SO's (of 4 months) birthday was coming up, but wasn't really paying attention to the date. I was pulling 24/26 hour shifts every other day for work.

I won't lie, I was relying on a Facebook notification to remind me of the date.

The date comes while I'm on a 24hr shift, and I'm like "Isn't today supposed to be his birthday?" and check Facebook, nope. I was off by 4 days.

I feel kinda like a douche for not getting the date right, but whatever. Drive home, and get ready for bed. He keeps hounding me about how he wants to do stuff, I'm like nah, I wanna go to sleep. I've been up roughly 27 hours now and don't wanna do anything.

"Not even have sex?" "No. I've been awake 27 hours. I'm tired!" and he gets all huffy. "I can't believe you don't even wanna do anything and it's my BIRTHDAY." I stayed up an additional 6 hours to do stuff he wanted.

He then admitted to how he was sure I would forget it being his birthday, and went onto Facebook to change the date of his birthday to prove I would forget it without Facebook reminding me.

I kinda felt like a douche, but he knew I was exhausted and went as far as changing the date on his Facebook.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. I was going to blame everybody because at least remembering your SO‘a birthday is a pretty important thing to do, but him changing his birthday on Facebook to trick you is beyond the pale. That’s not a trusting relationship, that’s gaslighting. I won’t even get in to how shitty it is for him to pressure you into sex.

But on your next boyfriend, who hopefully isn’t an ass, do try to remember their birthday and at least acknowledge it. ######