Prompt:
AITA? Last night a girl I don't know very well posted on social media asking if anyone had a specific converter for connecting a DSLR camera to a computer for sale. Price was her big concern.  I happen to be a professional photographer/videographer and I've made this type of connection hundreds of times with and without the converter she was looking. This is literally the field I worked in for 15+ years.

I sent her a message that pretty much just said "Hey! That specific converter is a bit pricey, you might want to consider a couple free/cheap alternatives that don't require a converter. I'd be happy to help you get it set up." She said that she didn't think it would work because of her camera and I just said "I thought the same with mine too but that camera works just fine with this software" and sent her a couple links to the software then thought nothing more of it.

Very soon after I answered her questions she made a post that was definitely targeted at me about "mansplaining" technology to her. Am I the asshole here? Did I do something wrong? ######

Response: NTA because she was asking for advice and you are an expert in that field. "Mansplaining" would be like if she posted how she's a professional photographer and you took it upon yourself to explain cameras to her. ######


Prompt:
My daughter is 18, and I’ve always considered myself to be an open-minded parent. She recently began discussing birth control, and even though she doesn’t have a boyfriend, I wanted to be supportive. I bought her condoms, at her request, and I thought that would be the end of it.

A week ago, she asked me if I would make and accompany her to an appointment to discuss birth control options. I was raised in the era where AIDS was still a major threat, and I firmly believe that, unless you are in a monogamous relationship, you should use condoms.

I was hesitant, but I agreed in the condition that she promised she would also use conforms. She got really defensive and said that that choice wasn’t up to me. I told her that she was right, but that my involvement was my choice, and it was based on this condition. I said she was more than free to get birth control on her own.

She’s been really mad at me because of it. She says that her anxiety is too bad to make an appointment on her own. I still haven’t caved. AITA for staying firm in my decision? ######

Response: NTA because she is old enough to go to the doctor herself. She should probably discuss her anxiety with a doctor as well. You aren't preventing her from going to the doctor, you just aren't babying her by doing it for her. She really needs to learn how to take care of her own health now. ######


Prompt:
Okay, so I (15F) know the title sounds misleading, but please read through the whole post.

My aunt (we'll call her Sarah, 54F) is a very sweet person. She's been a "cool aunt", the one who gives us candy while we were kids, etc.

But as we grew up we kinda saw all her toxic traits, like holding children to unexpectable levels, bossing us around, being a bit racist (she wants my sister, who is a gorgeous brown black colour to put on a lot of whitening things, doesn't want anyone in our family to marry a guy/girl who is black, etc.)

So during quarantine, around the beginning of summer, we found that she had a non malignant tumor in her small intestine, and she underwent surgery in the area where I'm staying. She normally stays in another state, but now stays with us for some time.

Now, there's a kinda miraculous thing: there was no tumor, just a growth, which they scraped out, but now she's resting at home.

Now, most of the time I like having her around, and I love her, but she's bossing me around, making me clean every place, over feeding me (actually overfeeding me) and that was all kinds okay, but the last straw was when she would keep calling me to clean, to study (it's summer vacation) and when I complained of back pain (I'm having my periods) she completely brushed me off, saying little kids don't have anything like that, I'm [Sarah] the one who has pain, etc.
I felt really bad because she was invalidating my pain.

So I told her that even teenagers feel pain and things like that. I was actually yelling, and then my mom screamed at me because she says that Sarah is a patient and things like that. I don't really feel terrible, because each and every second of the first two months of summer were spent in taking care of Sarah and my dad (who's diabetic and has trunkal neuropathy.) I just feel like I don't get a second to myself. Also, I cook the meals along with my sister here.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA because she does not have any sympathy with you and others ######


Prompt:
I know I probably sound like a brat so I'll try to keep it short. My older sister passed away recently. She was heading to her dream university in the fall. She was very sweet and hard working. She's worked fast food for years and barely spent her money on anything besides gas and insurance. She was part of our state's future educators club with dreams of being a teacher since she was little.

I'm 15 and I like writing but I don't know what my back up plan is. I do want to go to college. In the past, my parents have made me feel like a disappointment for not having things figured out like my sister did.

When they announced that they were going to use her savings as a one time "scholarship" for a person in our area who wants to be teacher, I thought it was a sweet idea but I asked my parents if they wouldn't mind setting it aside for my future. My mother said that they felt that helping someone like my sister was the best way to honor her since "I'm not even sure you could get into a college that would need that much money". This felt like a slap in the face and I told her so. She said that she was just being realistic. ######

Response: NTA because of your mother being a complete asshole with that comment. Doing a scholarship as a way to honor her memory isn't an inherently bad thing, but the way she handled telling you she wouldn't set it aside for you was absolutely horrid. ######


Prompt:
So I'm a closeted trans guy. My family doesn't know and hopefully won't until I move out. My sister is slowly losing her hair to illness (for the sake of privacy I will leave out many details) and will eventually need a wig as it thins.

 My mother has asked me to grow out my hair so that we can get a wig made for my sister, as she is greying and my father has super thin hair. However, I'm extremely uncomfortable with growing out my hair, I've kept it short for the past 6 years of my life and  sensory issues make it hard for me to deal with hair when it can touch my ears. Keeping it short helps me feel more masculine as well.

I feel really selfish for refusing because I've always been told that my hair is super nice, and that I should feel ashamed for getting rid of so much of my nice hair because my sister doesn't have that. AITA?

EDIT
thanks for the responses, apparently my sister wasn't consulted and said that it's cool if I'm unwilling to donate. thanks again all.

EDIT NO.2
After discussing the fact that it would take many years for my hair to reach the appropriate length and the fact I would be uncomfortable with having my hair so long my mother said it was alright and that she was thankful I thought about it either way. Thank you for all the help. 💙 ######

Response: NTA because it wouldn't work anyway.  [We require a minimum of 8 ounces of hair in order to build a custom wig. Very rarely does one person have enough hair to make a wig. We find it usually takes 2-3 heads of hair in order to meet our weight requirement.](https://compassionatecreationswigdesign.com/make-a-wig-from-your-own-hair/#:~:text=The%20Process,to%20meet%20our%20weight%20requirement.) ######


Prompt:
So basically what the title says but I will give you more details. Members of my family think AITA because I've requested that they only call me before 11am or after 8pm. Why? Because my boyfriend works 10pm to 7:00AM and I follow his schedule. I don't work because I am disabled and by following his schedule I get to spend more then an hour or 2 with him. And I don't want to turn my ringer on my phone off just in case there is an emergency. I don't get any other phone calls except from my family and a couple friends. Hell even my doctors offices have mainly followed my request. They only call me after 11AM if there something major they need to talk to me about. And my friends have all agreed to respect my request. However members of my family think I'm being completely unreasonable and think if they want to call me they can. And I said if they do I will just block their number because I don't want to disturb my boyfriend while he is asleep. I've told all of them there is absolutely nothing so important that can't wait until 8pm to call. And its not like any of them go to bed before then. I've told them to text me (I have my notifications on silent) asking me to call them when I wake up and I'll call them back.

I'm just not seeing why this is such a horrible request. If I'm in the wrong can someone people point it out to me. Thanks ######

Response: NTA because it seems like a reasonable request, but what about just putting the phone on vibrate and don't answer it? ######


Prompt:
I was walking into this grocery store and there was an ~18 year old guy and his girlfriend walking in in front of me. I'm 10 paces behind them when he starts scratching at his b-hole. He looks over his shoulder and makes eye contact with me, but I'm so embarrassed for him that I pretend to be looking just past him and he thinks I didn't see.

I continue walking in behind them and they grab a cart and go toward the fruit/veggie area which is unfortunately where I'm going.

Then it happens. This guy, with his girlfriend on his right, takes his left hand and puts it DOWN HIS PANTS TO THE MID FOREARM and digs in his cheeks for 3-5 seconds. And then he just takes his hand out and continues toward the beef/chicken.

I walk around the other side to make up the distance between us so that I don't have to yell across the store and I say, "Hey man, I just saw you put your hands on your pants... I just need you to wash your hands. "

To my total surprise, he pretended like I was crazy. I expected him to be completely crushed by embarrassment. He kept saying 'Dude, what's your problem?' to which I kept saying 'Dude, just go wash your hands, this is over'. The girlfriend, who I don't think actually thought her boyfriend would do that, convinced the guy to tell them manager. So I ended up having to tell the manager around everybody at checkout that this guy dug his bare hand in his cheeks in the veggie section.

TL;DR   Guy had his bare hand scratching his b-hole in grocery store and I called him out (to wash his hands) ######

Response: NTA because he shouldn't have been touching his butthole IN PUBLIC and then going to touch food. So gross. Ugh. ######


Prompt: This happened last year, but I've had it on my mind for a while lately and want an outside opinion. Last year, I found out I was pregnant and my husband (29M) and I (26F) were ecstatic. An important thing to note is that while we hadn't told some friends and acquaintances about the pregnancy, our immediate families/close friends were made aware after a couple weeks. One of the screenings came back with abnormal results, and after getting diagnostic tests done it was basically 99% confirmed that our baby had severe genetic disorders. If our child was born, it would almost definitely not be able to have a normal life and would need a full-time caretaker. My husband and I both work demanding jobs with long hours, and we live in a city with crazy rent prices that would make it unaffordable if one of us quit full-time for good. Also, as awful and selfish as it sounds, I was only 25 and deep down didn't want to spend the rest of my life caring full-time for a child that might never get to experience a full life. So we aborted the baby. According to both of our families and even some close friends, we're the worst people on the planet. My MIL accused us of trying to "forget" about the baby because some people still don't know I had been pregnant (I didn't have much of a belly at all and honestly just looked like I'd gained 10 extra pounds) and hasn't spoken to us in months, and my sister said that it's evil that we're still planning to try for another baby soon, and if I'd "just keep aborting" until I got a "normal kid". So, was I an asshole? My husband and I took the decision we thought would be the best for us, but I know it wasn't right to abort the baby just because of its problems it was definitely not an easy decision. ######

Response: NTA because abortion is up to the discretion of the mother. If anyone tells you that you’re a bad person for aborting, they’re just wrong. ######


Prompt:
Just wanted to preface this by saying that the shelter in my city is a no kill shelter and the cat has a tag with an address.

I have a huge issue with "outdoor" cats. Not only does it endanger the cat's life, it also leads to local wildlife getting killed for no reason at all.

The cat in question belongs to my neighbor across the street. I have called animal services every time I see the cat outside and she gets picked up.

My neighbor then has to pay $60 to get her out each time.

My neighbor is clearly frustrated and has sent numerous letters to everyone in the neighborhood, begging us not to call animal services.

I have now had the cat picked up 5 times.

I think only selfish assholes let their cats be "outdoor" cats, who have much lower lifespans than indoor cats by the way.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA based on your comment:

>Our city has a bylaw that doesn't allow outdoor cats because we have are nesting ground for a particular species of bird. But its only enforced if someone calls it in. ######


Prompt:
20M here. My brother (16) has been in online class since our state closed schools for the year. Usually, I didn’t really keep up with him on his school work despite the fact that I regularly get his grades sent to my email throughout the school year.

About two weeks ago I noticed on his report then that he was missing 1 assignment in one class and his grade was a D. I didn’t reproach him about it or tell our parents then because he doesn’t listen to me and figured he’d be responsible enough to turn that grade around.

Fast forward to yesterday, his most recent report had him failing 2 classes and missing 4 assignments between the two of them. Without really pondering on it, I took a screenshot and sent it to both my mom and my stepdad (his biological father). My mom flipped out on him and my stepdad called him too to scold him.

I didn’t say anything about it to him at all, but he’s not an idiot, he knows I sent it to them. He didn’t get angry at me for it (at least not to my face). As of now, neither my brother nor my stepdad are speaking to me, but my stepdad’s silence is probably attributed to a fight him and I had 3 days prior. I kind of feel bad for the reaction he got, but I don’t regret doing what I did. AITA?

EDIT: When he first transferred to this school, the office needed an email to add their messaging list. I’m the only one of the four of us who has an email address that regularly checks it so I put mine down. For context, my parents are immigrants and English is not their first language. I usually handle communications between the school and us. ######

Response:
 NTA based on the additional information that you provided, citing that you receive these updates because you’re the only one with an email address and your parents don’t speak English.

You’re simply a “middle man” for your parents to check up on your brother’s grades. However, I can see where he might feel a bit betrayed. Maybe you should check with his school to see if there are any resources available so you wouldn’t have to be in this situation.

As a side note, if these grades aren’t like him, I would check up on him to see how he’s handling everything. It could be a sign of a bigger issue or he may not be adjusting to online classes well. ######


Prompt:
My husband (34M) and I(33F) were invited to the wedding of childhood acquaintance of his. My husband's father works closely in the same industry as her father, and they are quite close. Probably another reason why we received an invitation. This wedding is taking place in a month, since our state has now allowed weddings under certain social distancing conditions.

My husband is from a close-knit community centered around their church and atttending associated church community events. We were invited to the wedding, but have never met the groom, talked to the bride in passing a few years ago, and do not attend church.

The couple in question are in their early 30s, have very well paying jobs (6-figures each), and have asked for about $25,000 in gifts and gift cards, not including "featured contributions" to buying land to construct a new home and pay for a lavish honeymoon.

I see this as a blatant cash grab, especially during a time when a lot of families are hurting financially. We are feeling pressure from my husband's family members to give them something due to "history." I'd rather donate a small amount to a worthy cause in their name, or just give nothing since my husband and I have no relationship with the couple. Full disclosure - the bride's parents gave us $200 when we got married a few years ago.

AITA for not wanting to give a wealthy couple money for their wedding? The pre-set amounts allow for $100 to be the smallest gift in either gift card or lowest-value of an item from their registry. ######

Response:
 NTA based on
1) The fact you say in comments you are not attending. I personally think it's nice to send a gift even if you are not attending, kind of like an apology I guess, but that would only be to people I know well, and it would be a much smaller gift.
2) Minimum gift s $100?! That's a dick move right there. Wanting money or creating a wish list is fine but you need to allow smaller amounts and put many low-value items - not everyone can afford to spend a lot. It's just rude and tone deaf to not realise that.

3) You don't actually know them well. In that case I think a card is fine.

Don't worry too much about it! They aren't close friends. If you want to look good and "save face" because they are from the same church as your family in law, you could give to a charity, get a nice certificate that doesn't say the amount and send it to them with the card? ######


Prompt:
Okay so the title sounds a little selfish but hear me out here

Im (16M) pretty much the baker of the house, my mom will occasionally, but only when I’m busy or not home. When I want to bake, or when my family is dropping hints they want something sweet, I ask my family what they want. Sometimes they give me something specific like cheesecake or cookies, sometimes they just let me have the creative freedom to make what I’m craving.

Now my sister (20F) doesn’t live with us but she does spend a lot of time at the house, she also happens to have celiacs/a gluten intolerance (I’m unsure which) and has tried to cut down on gluten. In turn she’s asked me to make gluten free desserts instead of the ones with gluten in them.

Here’s where the problem comes in, I don’t like the texture that the gluten free flours give the desserts, especially in things such as cakes. When it’s something made specifically for her, such as something specific she requests or something for her birthday, I’ll happily make it. When it’s something I want or someone else in my family wants I make it with normal flour.

My sister doesn’t like this because she can’t eat them, however whenever I ask her to make a request she only ever says something gluten free. I’m also hesitant to make her gluten free desserts freely because she doesn’t generally eat a lot of dessert because she is trying to watch her weight. And I don’t want the dessert to go waste.

So Reddit AITA for not making gluten free desserts all the time? ######

Response: NTA baking is a ton of work and all the ingredients get expensive. It is kind of you to be accommodating when she requests something but you should not have to make everything gluten free just because she may drop by and want a bite of something. ######


Prompt:
I don't live in America, so tipping culture doesn't exist here. There are many reasons for this but the biggest would be that our minimum wage isn't ridiculously low like in America.

I'm a part-time worker who isn't a frivolous person, but today I received a promotion in the mail by Uber Eats for $15 off your first spend (I wouldn't have ordered otherwise). As normally, it's $20 +$10 delivery. But with this voucher code, it was a much more reasonable $15. So I lashed out and treated myself.

Anyway, long story short. The driver got the wrong house and didn't bother to verify anyone by name. He just handed it over to my next-door neighbour. It wasn't until I called up that I found this out. Generally, most take-outs would offer some compensation over such a gaffe. Now I'm not saying I expected one but I did observe that Uber Eats seems quite unique in this. But they ended up assigning me the same driver (which is perfectly fine).

When he arrived I had to stand outside my house and flag him down so he didn't miss me. And then he came up to me and said in the little English he knew, *''App yes?...''*. And smiled at me. I didn't know what he meant but it seemed pretty straightforward so I just nodded and said yes (I assumed he was asking for some kind of review as I think Uber does that). Which I was more than happy to do. So I smile and nodded. And then he said, *''Don't forget nice tip yes yes''*.

And now I'm kind of at a loss. I now feel guilty because I know the man wants a tip. But I also only did this because of the promotion. And I'm also shocked by the audacity of him out-right asking for a tip... But I don't know. I guess I'll just leave it with you guys.

Am I an asshole if I don't tip this man? ######

Response: NTA Australia has a very high minimum wage and Aussie labour board throws out award rates like salt bae salting something. Tips are not a thing unless he delivered a baby whilst also delivering pizza. I would have had the most wtf look on me face if someone asked me for a tip. Also Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Go the maroons! ######


Prompt:
where im from,the wifi is generally trash. to get the good wifi,you need to pay more. my family decided to get the better one,which is still pretty bad,because we live outside the city.we moved here 2 years ago when our house was finished.our neighbors are really nice,as they let us use their electricity when we were constructing our house.we share the gas to,but the bill is shared.i should mention that when they need the gas,they shut OUR gas down so they get more gas.other than that,theyre cool i guess.about two weeks ago,they asked one of my sisters if they could get the password for the wifi,because their wifi is down.sis didnt reply and kept the other convo going,whatever it was (i wasnt there).the neighbors girl asked again,and being the non confrontational weirdo that my sister is,she gave them the password. now,i wouldnt really mind if it was one person using it,but their whole SEVEN person family is using it,which really kills the speed for us.i recently downloaded brawlhalla,and i cant even play it.i get like 100-200 kbps,which really doesnt help me play.i've considered changing the password but my sister and mother think i shouldnt,as theyre "helping us by sharing the gas".

WIBTA if i change the password for my wifi which i pay for so i can play games ######

Response:
 NTA at all

you pay for it so it’s yours.

and they shut off your gas when they want to use theirs, so why can’t you do the same?

you’re paying for a wifi you can’t use.

and the security risk of them having access to that wifi.

CHANGE THE PASSWORD ASAP DUDE ######


Prompt:
We are both 25. I'm a fat guy,  I have been fat since the start of the relationship. My weight has fluctuated a bit but I'm 10 pounds lighter than when the relationship started and working on losing more.

I wear a 38" waist in jeans and an XL/2XL in tops... for my birthday my girlfriend bought me a bunch of (expensive) new clothes that are WAY too small for me.

She bought me jeans in a 28" waist and tops in a medium.

She told me that I can wear them when I lose weight and hopefully they would motivate me.

I mentioned once to her that when I was around 16/17 I was skinny and wore a 28, but I'm not sure it's feasible to get that skinny again. I'm not sure I even want to, I was borderline underweight. I gained the weight due to giving up sport and extreme depression and binge eating disorder that started at age 21. I don't binge anymore but I'm still fat.

She never consulted me on what I want to look like and I just feel kind of hurt and disrespected. I just feel like she's basically told me "happy birthday you fat fuck" lol..

I think she must be really disgusted by my body to do something like that. It's not her fault, my body really is disgusting, but I guess there's always a part of you that hopes your partner is attracted anyway.

Our sex life is not the best- it was okay at first but now she doesn't initiate much. I never take off my shirt around her.

I tried to act pleased with what she bought but obviously she saw I was upset. She has made comments about my weight before and I can't help feeling like she knew it would hurt me.

Am i the asshole for getting upset at a gift? Was she just trying to help? ######

Response:
 NTA at ALL

it's badass that you are recovering and don't binge anymore literally like hell yeah dude that's fucking *amazing*. your body is NOT disgusting.

as someone with BED (and literally who just binged), i am so proud of you. i definitely know that i speak for mostly everyone when i say that we are all proud of you.

you deserve a partner that doesn't do this to you. you deserve a lot better. a whole lot better. ######


Prompt:
Fortunately no one was hurt, but my wife's brother totaled his 5th car in 2 years today. Two of those cars were sold to him by us. He never made another payment after wrecking them, and used the insurance money to buy another car instead.

Well today he ran a stale yellow and got t boned, totaling his new Pacifica. He called to ask if he could borrow my 2012 audi s4 until he can buy another car. I didn't even hesitate to say "no way dude, you'll kill yourself with that type of car". Five minutes later he calls my wife, begging to borrow her cherokee. I told her absolutely not, he'll wreck it and ruin our insurance rate.

Now my mother in law is trying to guilt me "He needs a car to get to his 3 jobs, they have 3 kids you know. You barely even use your car"

I lost it and said "it's not my fault he doesn't know what a fucking condom is, and he still owes us $7000 from the cars we sold him. He will wrap that 400hp audi around a pole in under 30 minutes, I wouldn't let him borrow a bicycle"

So now everyone's mad at me... Am I the asshole here? ######

Response:
 NTA at all

\- Your brother-in-law has crashed FIVE cars.

\- He owes you THOUSANDS of dollars.

And he thinks he's entitled to YOUR cars. ######


Prompt: I’m 5 weeks pregnant. I found out 2 weeks ago, and specifically told my mom not to tell people because a lot of things can happen in the first trimester. Tonight, she suggested i tell my great grandfather. I was on the fence about it and told her to give me a little to think about it. She decided to go ahead and tell him anyway, taking that moment from me where i can tell my Opa he’s gonna have another grand baby. I got upset and she called me selfish and said since it’s her grand child she can tell whoever she wants. I told her it’s MY child and i should be able to tell people when I feel the time is right. AITA??? ######

Response:
 NTA at all.
My mom is the same way so I didn’t tell her I was pregnant until right before I announced it to everyone so she didn’t have a chance to spoil it.

And that “I’m grandma” excuse is such BS.

Congratulations! ######


Prompt:
My upstairs neighbors just (rudely) called me to come outside via intercom at 2am because I was cooking dinner and the smell woke them up.

I am a shift worker so I regularly cook at late hours of the morning, and they said that they have been woken up by it consistently for the last few months. Our apartments are quite small and only have doors/windows on one side to they get very stuffy when it’s locked up.

They “recommended” I keep everything closed up if I want to cook, but I’m using the oven the house does get really gross and I will eventually need to air it out. They said that if I kept it up that I should stop cooking entirely or they’ll put in a complaint. I told them I’ll be more aware of it and clean out my air filter but I’m not willing to change my schedule.

Am I the asshole? I’m not cooking anything exuberantly pungent (no curries or any intensely odorous spices) ######

Response:
 NTA at all.

That’s hilarious. It’s not the sound that wakes them up it’s the smell? What are they, bears? ######


Prompt:
Sounds terrible, I know, but hear me out.

My grandmother (GM) is 95 years old. She lives with my parents, who are both 70 years old. I (F43) live in the house next to them with my husband, kids and pets. Growing up, GM live with us as well and she was the torment of my childhood. She despised my mother and did her best to start arguments between us. She got me in trouble many times, hiding my things and lying about things I'd supposedly said and done to my parents. My mother despised her as well, but my father was too kind to kick her out. I was angry about this for many years, however, recently my anger has begun to thaw and I no longer care about her one way or the other. She's essentially a stranger.

For a pretty long time, she required little assistance from my parents. However, it is clear that she will not live much longer. She is completely bedridden and my poor parents have to take care of her almost 24/7. Time and time again, I have urged them to hire a caretaker to help them manage, since they need to take care of themselves as well. They refuse. I offered to pay for the caretaker and any additional related expenses. Still nothing.

However, my father wants me to help feed, dress and take care of my GM. For the obvious reason that I harbour no attachment or feelings towards her, I don't want to do this. Even if I did, I am working from home with two young children and a whole slew of pets and I simply cannot find the time to help them. Once again, I tried to convince them to hire a caretaker, because they obviously struggle on their own. They are adamant that they can handle it on their own. This has led to several schisms between us. My mother is somewhat on my side, however, my father is upset that I don't want to help take care of her. AITA for refusing to take care of my elderly grandmother? ######

Response:
 NTA AT ALL.

I’m a nurse bsn rn and taking care of someone is a full time job, LITERALLY. People who require intense care like this need someone from the outside to help usually, because otherwise the family will sooner or later become burnt out. The caregiver and “patient” family member will suffer because of it. People are always quick to hate on nursing homes and I totally understand why, a lot suck, you gotta look into them. But I have typically heard only good things about at home care, and really think that’s what your family needs. Your offer to help pay is generous and very kind of you. ######


Prompt:
I (20f, college sophomore) had 300 dollars in my savings account that I put there after I got paid for my work study job. Last week I went on my account and it’s gone. I went to my dad about it and he said he moved it somewhere else to save. I very politely said that since it’s my money from my work I would appreciate him putting it back and not touching it in the future. Fast forward to tonight, it’s still not back so I go to him again and he starts going on about how he can show me where he put it, that he won’t be moving it back to my account, and that I have no right to be upset. I said, okay, you have until tomorrow or I’m making my own back account for my work checks. (He has access to my current one bc it’s also where my college tuition, which he pays for, is paid from). He told me I was being a brat, that I am not to go off making my own account, and that I should appreciate him saving my money for me since I’m a bad spender. I tried to go to my mom about it and she said the same thing.

I admit I sometimes overspend, but I’m still upset over this because I feel like since I’m an adult, they need to let me learn how to save my money now and if I end up blowing it, I blow it and that’s on me. If I don’t learn that the hard way without mommy and daddy helping me now, when am I supposed to? But all that said, AITA?

EDIT: mentioned this in a reply and was told I should add this to the original post. Since my parents found out I was gay this past October, their financial support has been completely dependent on my not coming out anywhere publicly. If I so much as said “I’m gay” on Facebook all financial support would be cut. ######

Response:
 NTA at all.

1.) Regardless of you being an adult or not, your money is your money. You earned that doing work at your own job. He has no right to take your money.
2.) Yes, I agree that if you blow your money then it's on you. Your parents have no right to dictate what money you have if you earned it. They have no right to take it away from you.
3.) Your father might pay for your tuition, but that doesn't mean you can't have your own bank account.

This seems like a toxic relationship. To me, it seems like your parents want you to depend on them. To me, it seems like they want to have some sort of control over you all of the time. In this case, it's monetary control. If anything, I think you need to separate yourselves from them, otherwise you won't be able to spend your money without them knowing all about it.

You are 100% not the asshole. ######


Prompt:
Growing up my mom was big in to charity work (not donating money but giving things to people who they thought needed it), it might sound like a good thing but a lot of the times it was taking something from me (yes most of it was given to me by her but they didn’t limit it to things purchased by her) giving it to someone who they felt needed it more eg taking my spare phone and donating it to one of the workers around my block because they needed it more.

This has eaten at me over the years and has completely put me off any kind of human philanthropy, I do a lot of work for animals ( I prefer being around animals than humans if that helps)

Recently There’s been pressure for me to be more generous and do more charity work for people that need it (given that there’s a pandemic) and I’m getting shit for choosing to donate to animals instead

And ofc if someone who I know and like is having a hard time I do reach out and try to help wherever possible but am not into giving away shit to random people

So AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA at all.

> eg taking my spare phone and donating it to one of the workers around my block because they needed it more

While that's well-intentioned, that's straight up theft.

> I do a lot of work for animals

All you need to say is, "I do charity work that I'm really interested in already.  Animals are also affected by COVID-19: pets whose owners have died, pets that are underfed because their owners are out of work, supporting shelters that are overrun by people who have abandoned animals they can no longer afford.  This is support that I'm passionate about and adds value to my life and the lives of others that can't help themselves." ######


Prompt:
AITA for Not Letting My Sister use my Niece & Nephews To Manipulate Me
[F] Recently my sister got temporary custody of my neice and nephews (our brother's children). My sister was decided on as the one to get custody, because she is married, is financially better off, and doesn't work outside of the home. My sister's husband is not happy about the arrangement. When she gets tired or sick, I am the one that goes over to her house to help with the kids, ie. feed them, bathe them, put them to bed, play with them or watch them while she takes a nap. I have even run errands and brought over dinner after work. I live 45 minutes to an hour away. I have been trying to help as much as I can, all while still continuing to go to work as an "essential employee". Now that her husband is home (due current circumstances), she has wanted me to take the kids on the weekends. I truly do not mind, what I don't like is not being asked. She just Tells me the kids are coming over this weekend, and tells me what time she is bringing them. On Sunday when I need to bring them back to her, she tells me her husband wants me to keep them til 3pm or later. This weekend, she told me when she was bringing them, told me they had been sick and fighting with each other. So I go to bring them back sunday and she got angry, saying I thought you were keeping them until after we go to this meeting. She claimed she had a meeting at 2pm and wanted me to keep them until after they got back. She never asked me, she told me she had a meeting, which due to circumstances, should have been canceled. I explained, "you didnt ask me, unfortunately, I have work tomorrow and have to get some things done that I was unable to do over the weekend." She proceeded to yell at me over the phone, saying, "the kids don't ever have to come back to my house, you dont ever have to watch them again." I did bring them back. Am I the asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA at all. Your sister in an AH for numerous reasons.

1. Making a decision like that without being on the same page with your husband.
2. Having no consideration for your time or independence. ######


Prompt:
So when my wife and I got married I was probably 40 pounds overweight. I gained weight for a couple years until I finally got sick of being a fatass and started exercising and dieting. Since then I’ve lost 50 pounds, and I’d say I’m within a healthy weight range now.

When I first married my wife I would say looks wise I was out of her league. I think she’s very pretty and I was definitely not good looking. I’d say now we’re more equal as physical attractiveness goes, not to be a brag.

Anyway I was talking to a friend about how I’d finally lost weight and it felt good, he congratulated me then said that I should upgrade my wife. I figured it was a joke and chuckled a little but he kept going with it, said that we’ve only been married a few years(4, not nothing) and that I shouldn’t spend the rest of my life with someone “ugly” that I married because I was fat.

I said yes, I do in fact want to spend the rest of my life with someone I married, that tends to be how it works, and that I’m not a piece of shit so I’m not going to upgrade my wife.

He got a divorce a few years ago and talked a bit about how good it felt to be out there again, but never really said it was because he thought she was ugly.

He got pissed and said that he divorced his wife for looks and he isn’t a piece of shit, at which point I said that I disagreed, and he hung up. He messaged me later that we exchanged some “harsh words” and should just move past it, but then followed it up with he wants an apology.

I don’t know what the fucks wrong with him, but a mutual friend also messaged me that calling him a piece of shit wasn’t “cool”. I don’t know I’m pissed off right now so it’s hard to tell if I went too far.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA at all. Your friend is a huge one though for:

1) Trying to undermine your relationship with your wife.
2) Being shallow enough to divorce his wife solely for looks.
3) Trying to encourage those same shallow behaviors in you.

Good for you for standing up for your wife. I would seriously consider moving on from this friend though, because are you  certain he will stop this attack on your relationship because you asked him to? He clearly doesn't respect boundaries. ######


Prompt:
I’m 21 years old. I live with my parents and work at a fast food place while I’m going to a community college. I work hard for the money I earn, even though my family says I don’t need to work.

A high school friend of mine (21f) and I started messaging again through social media. We used to be very close, but we stopped talking for multiple reasons.

One thing that kind of irritates me now is that when we hang out she can’t help with the bill because she has no money. I don’t mind treating her to drinks or dinner every once in a while. However, our mutual friend is coming back to the states and we all want to have fun and go places (once quarantine allows us).

Our friend that’s coming back (21f) will have money from her parents to cover her, but the other friend won’t because she doesn’t work. Even though she’s able-bodied, has a car, and a bachelors degree; she won’t get a job or apply for any services to help her. Yet she feels “sorry” for me because of the job that I have, and she looks down on her dad’s pregnant girlfriend for getting government aid to feed her children.

My mom says I should be more understanding because her family situation is rough and she’s my friend. It’s just hard to sympathize when we ALL want to go out and have fun and do things that cost money, yet I’m the only one who’d be able to cover her because I’m the only one working. Not to mention that I work as a MINIMUM WAGE FAST FOOD EMPLOYEE, and the fact that she’s a grown adult who is capable of working too.

Yes, I have my parents to back me up, but they already give me a roof over my head and a car to drive. I’m not going to ask my parents to give me an allowance or some cash because I want to go shopping with my friends. I have a savings and my job pays well for what I need, but I don’t want to spend it all on someone who wants to have fun but won’t work. ######

Response: NTA at all. You should go off about how satisfying you find it to have a good work ethic, how you see your future as so rosy because you know you aren't scared to get your hands dirty & earn what you have. How people who rely on others are just pitiful leeches and would never be able to get themselves out of a bad situation but you feel secure knowing you worked for savings & didn't take your parents generosity for granted... but something tells me she wouldn't like that ######


Prompt:
So I work in the ER- and a few weeks ago we had a larger patient in a room close to the nurses station. You can hear everything in that room that is said at the nurses station. The nurse taking care of him was one who I find immature and just an overall bad nurse.
So this patient asked the nurse to be turned in the cart- our Er carts are small and uncomfortable. So the nurse comes out of the room and to the station and proceeds to say “alright I’m gonna need 12 people to help me with big boy down there.” “Alright sir, hold on I’m gonna need a fork lift.” To which I was appalled, at how inappropriate this nurse was. So normally I would tell the charge nurse but she was laughing along! So I texted my manager and they said they would take care of it. The nurse got written up.
Well this week word got out I was the one who reported her and her and her catty friend group have been giving me shit all week.
Am I the asshole? ######

Response: NTA at all. You did the right thing. People at the ER are having one of the worst days of their lives and the least they can have is a little bit of respect from the men and women who are supposed to be helping them. If she has such a shitty attitude she shouldn't be working in a job like that at all. ######


Prompt:
I’m actually making this post for my mom, because she doesn’t have a reddit account. I’ll show her the results.

Anyways, we went to a Best Buy today to look at TVs because we’re moving, and our TV is ancient and barely works anymore. When we left the store, we heard a dog barking. A dog was left in a car, not running so no AC, with one window barely cracked. It was 85 degrees out today, so the temperature in the car would’ve gotten to 104 after just 10 minutes, 115 after 20. Dogs suffer from heat exhaustion when their body temperature reaches 103 degrees, and are at risk of heat stroke when they reach 106 degrees.

First, my mom when in the store to ask them to page the owner, but the employees refused. My mom then decided to call the police, because we had no way of knowing how long the dog had already been in the car, or how long it would be until the owners got back. My mom didn’t want to risk the dog dying if the owners stayed in the store too long. So she called the police, and waited until they arrived. About 5-10 minutes after we found the dog, the owners got back. My mom let them know that she had called the police, and obviously they were mad at her because of it. They called her “uncaring.” So my mom is doubting herself, thinking maybe she took it too far. What do you think? ######

Response: NTA at all. You defended the defenceless and even tried to take alternative steps rather than just immediately calling the police. You might have saved that dogs life. Good for you! ######


Prompt:
Background:

My husband’s (30m) Federal job has taken us first to Oklahoma for several months and now to California. I quit my job and became a stay at home mom to make the transitions easier since childcare is so expensive.

I also lost both my mom (50f) and my brother (17m) within 4 years of each other when I was 17 and 21 (I promise this is relevant).

Scenario:

In November my dad(63m) had a massive heart attack that required an emergency triple bypass and mitral valve replacement. My husband was able to take a week off from work and stay home with our daughter(2f) so I could fly back to TN to be there. The surgery went fairly well, but it was hugely stressful for me. The thought of being an orphan at 30 is heartbreaking. (Can you be an orphan if you’re an adult?) I flew back to California once he was stabilized and have been here since.

My husband’s job has a process where you can submit a request to relocate back home for medical emergencies. We qualify for this relocation and I’ve asked him to consider moving back to be closer to my dad. My husband is reluctant due to the difference in workload (The TN job would be busier and more work) and the logistics and cost of moving cross country.

Meanwhile, Dad has had 2 more surgeries to correct a persistent heart murmur and install a pacemaker. I continue to bring up this transfer and I continue to get a response about the logistics, cost, and workload differences.

So I lost my shit. I told him that I would resent him if we don’t have a real conversation about this transfer. I have sacrificed so much for this opportunity for him and I truly feel like our marriage will suffer if he won’t even consider it. I want our daughter to know her grandfather, I want to spend time with my dad while he’s relatively healthy.

AITA? I hate ultimatums, but I don’t know if I could forgive my husband if something happens to dad and I’m not there. ######

Response: NTA at all. This is obviously really important to you, for good reason, and he should be more sensitive to your feelings imo. He should at least be talking about some compromise to allow you to spend time with your dad. Good luck. ######


Prompt:
I live with my parents and brother.

My dad has a habit of making jokes. He'll comment about my place being in the kitchen because I'm a girl, or joke about our animals (17 pigs (the livestock kind), 6 cats, 4 chickens, and a dog) not liking me versus another family member, just little mean jabs here and there.

This honestly hurts. I have c-ptsd from a previous abusive relationship where I was repeatedly degraded and insulted, and I hate this. But if I politely ask him to stop, I'm being too sensitive, I'm being ridiculous. It's usually met with a scoff and an eye roll.

AITA for asking my dad to quit? ######

Response: NTA at all. They aren’t jokes if you aren’t laughing ######


Prompt:
For most of my life my sister Alice has been wanting kids but has been unable to carry a baby to full term, in part due to endometriosis. She was in a lot of pain and had to have a hysterectomy.

Alice and her husband Ben has fostered 5 children and have adopted 2 children with autism, and are great parents. They have a good home environment and are financially very well off. But recently Ben and after a while Alice was bitten by the urge to have a kid biologically related to them because they wanted a chance to "do things right" and "provide the best start in life" (their views, not mine).

So they asked me to be their (traditional) surrogate and said that they would cover all costs (legal, medical etc) associated with it. They would be also be paying off my student dent, renting a 2 bedroom apartment for 3 years plus giving me a substantial amount of cash. I said sure - it'll be 9 months of my life in exchange for being set up for quite some time, and my immediate family thinks it is a great idea.

However, when I said "sure", I was expecting something along the lines of IUI, where we go to the doctor to get Bob's sperm prepped, me getting shots etc. basically the whole artificial insemination package.

But Alice & Bob have asked me to well, get pregnant the traditional way. Their rationale is that 1. it is the cheapest way 2. they don't want to go to the hospital now and 3. they think babies conceived naturally are healthier/the pregnancy would be safer without the chemicals, but I just can't get over the extreme ick factor. And even IF this was going to take place at home I think a syringe would work fine.

WIBTA if I went back on my word? Is their request reasonable? My immediate family doesn't see anything wrong with it and has been congratulating my sister on her impending baby. On the other hand, if I do give it up am I also mad for passing up what is essentially 200k, especially in this economy now? ######

Response: NTA at all. There's a massive step between being happy to surrogate for your sister and being okay with having sex with her husband in order to do so,and nobody should be judging you for having that line. Plenty of other people would have it too. ######


Prompt: This happened years ago.  A friend (22F) asked me (22F) to go on a group camping trip shortly after my boyfriend and I broke up.  I agreed to go, and she paid for the camping site.  I found out afterwards that everyone else going was dating each other...four couples and myself.  She said that I would have to bring my own tent and sleep alone and could join the others in the daytime.  I gave her my part of the money for camping but told her I would not be going on the camping trip to be a ninth wheel immediately after a breakup because it made me feel really awkward and rubbed in the feeling that I was alone, but that I appreciated the invitation and would go camping with her another time.  She was very upset and said that I had promised to go, which is true, but it was not quite a 'group of friends' event, it was a couples camping trip...with me as the awkward ninth wheel.  So tell me, Reddit, AITA for backing out of a camping trip that I had promised to go on, because the trip was a different group than I expected? ######

Response: NTA at all. There is no point in going to a place where you know you're going to be uncomfortable and won't enjoy the moment and of course it's understandable with your situation. Your friend is being a bit insensitive here. ######


Prompt:
SO works mon- thurs. he used to work fridays as well but due to the current world situation his hours were cut. My job completely shut down. Prior to shutting down I worked at a club, would get home at 330/4 am and still have to get up with our son at 730/8 am everyday. Even if my SO was off work.

Any days off he has, he sleeps in till 3 or 4 pm. I try to wake him up around 11 every day off and he says he’s getting up and then just doesn’t.

I’m getting increasingly pissed off because he ends up getting up so late, and has like 5 hours left that our son is awake but he is too busy waking up, showering, making food, checking his phone to even pay attention to our son.

He is the only one with a license so I depend on him to take us to the grocery store / pick up groceries due to the world situation. Or he can watch our son while I walk across the road to an expensive grocery store. I don’t care either way. We also depend on him to drive us places we can go for a walk because we live in a pretty dense area and it is still crowded even with All the stay at home orders. We do not have a yard.

I finally snapped today and told him to wake the fuck up and take care of our son and he said I expect too much of him because he works all the time and he’s tired and his fucking foot psoriasis is bothering him. I told him if he doesn’t want to wake up at a normal time he can go live with his parents because he’s zero help to me here and snaps on me constantly because he’s tired or somethings bothering him. It makes me really mad when the baby and I go to bed and then he comes in at 1/2am being loud af and then we have to be quiet till 3pm because he’s sleeping??
(Yes I have spoken to him plenty of times about all of this. )

AITA for telling him to leave? ######

Response: NTA at all. There are two parents in your house, but right now it sounds like there’s really only one. If he is working and you’re not, it’s reasonable for you to do somewhat more childcare work than him. That is not what this is though based on your description. It sounds like he can barely bothered to parent at all. He needs to step up and act like an adult and do his part to care for his own kid and family. You need to have a very clear and serious talk with him I think, but if he refuses to listen, then he is not worth keeping in your house. ######


Prompt:
Please excuse me for my English.

I am 13 year Male and I moved from my home country of south Korea to Canada when I was 11. It is almost 2 years since I have moved. My English isnt the best but it is getting very better. My name is Jaehyeong it is a very hard name for native English people to pronouns because of that they almost always get it wrong and I correct them. Normally when I correct them I just repeat my name instead of saying that not my name. I feel this is easier since it maybe would make people mad. I let a select people call me jae but I just find it disrespecting to call someone you arent close to a shorten name.  we had a different teacher on the online classes and when he called my name it was so miss pronouns I didnt hear it correctly one of my friends had to say something to me to tell me that this man called my name. So I said here and the teacher said I am going to call you jae form now on. I said can you please learn. My name instead and he didnt say anything. When he then called on me again he mis pronouns it again so I didnt know he called on me. It is still hard for me to keep track of everything in calls. So once i answered the question he said he is going to call me jae because he cant pronouns my name and I cant understand his miss pronunciation. I agreed. After the class I got my grade and it said I got 10 points taken off of professional because of my ask for him to say my full name and then not answering to it. Am I the asshole ######

Response: NTA at all. The sub teacher is definitely T A. Names are important, and he needs to take the time to learn it. Also, the teacher should definitely not take off points for his inability to pronounce your name and fully engage all students in the class. ######


Prompt:
Growing up, I was the sort of father figure figure for my younger sister and brother, so I am overprotective by nature, I'll admit that. However, I hate my sister's fiance for reasons unrelating to the fact that he's saying my sister.

Over the seven month span that they've been together, the fiance has called me a 'f#ggot', and used multiple slurs against me relating to my sexuality. He has called out younger brother a 'r#tard' because of his autism, and mocked him when he thought nobody was looking. I ignored the slurs against me but I did get very angry about the R-word comment and I did attack him over that. I take responsibility for attacking him over it, but I do not regret it.

The other thing that worries me is that he has multiple domestic abuse charges against him. I know people deserve second chances, but he's got a very long rap sheet going for him.
Yesterday, my sister called me and said that they we r going to start planning a wedding. And I said that I was happy for her, but also asked why she was Allah with marrying a guy that used slurs and insulted her brothers, especially our younger brother, who is very sensitive when it comes to certain things.

She said that I was being dramatic and that he'd been joking, but I wasn't having it and told her that I wasn't going to the wedding unless he swore not to say those things, and that our brother (who relies on me a lot) wasn't going if he was just going to be demeaned.

My sister said that I hadn't made any attempts to get to know him, which isn't true, and that it was only a joke, but I said that was a bad joke to make and also that I wasn't going to entertain him because he was a 'd#ck'.

Rightfully or not, she got upset and hung up on me.

Was I wrong for calling the fiance that? Was she wrong? Was everybody wrong? ######

Response: NTA at all. So many red flags with this guy. I think you are 100% right to call him out in his behavior to your sister. ######


Prompt:
I have a very close friend, J, we have known each other for over 20 years, lived together, talk regularly, supported each other through ups and downs and since we both lost our parents have said how much we regard each other as family. Truly, we have always said how we feel like sisters.

J is getting married next year, to a great guy and I'm thrilled for her.  She has another friend she has known since school, this friend B is not a great friend.  She was not supporting of J's engagement, was mean about J's choice of outfit as it isn't a traditional white dress and said she doesn't want to be part of the wedding party as she doesn't want to be 'the fun police'.

I saw J this weekend and she said she had something difficult to tell me, she and her fiance have decided to have a family only wedding (when I first heard this I thought, I honestly thought Id be included) mainly because she doesn't want to invite B and J said she can't invite me and not B as that would create drama.

I said she should have whatever wedding she likes, it's her day.  I didn't tell her that I am truly crushed she doesn't include me as her family after so many years of saying I am. I have no blood relatives left, they all died so this is a real blow.

However, this is the AITA bit.  J has said she really wants me there when she gets ready on the morning of her wedding, helping her get ready etc and also to organise her Hen party and help with planning her wedding - but I wont be going. To any of it.

AITA for saying no?  I really want to be part of her day but I think this is just unfair on me.

&#x200B;

tl;dr:  Im not being invited to my best friends wedding because she doesnt want to invite her other friend and doesnt want to upset her and is using a 'family only' wedding as and excuse. Yet she wants me to do all the things I would have done if I were invited and acting as her bridesmaid. ######

Response:
 NTA at all. She wants you to help plan and organize events for a wedding that she made a point to say you *weren’t* invited to? Rude. Weddings are a lot of work to plan. And what about the bachelorette party, are you even invited to that, or does she just want you to plan it for her and then watch the party leave without you because “it would cause drama if you were there”? And helping her get ready on the day itself, AYFKM? You’re just supposed to hang out like a 5th wheel during all these Kodak moments of the bridesmaids, putting on the bridal gown, mother of the bride, first look, etc. and have to have this conversation:

“Hi, nice to meet you, how do you know J?”
“Oh, we’ve been friends for 20 years, we were roommates, we’re practically like sisters!”
“Great! Who are you bringing to the wedding?”
“Oh, uh, I wasn’t invited to the wedding.”

 And then....go awkwardly home by yourself after everyone else piles into the limo to go to the venue? Honestly, that would make me feel a thousand times more left out than simply not being involved at all. What’s next? Asking you to show up after the reception you’re not invited to, to help clean up?

Just imagining all this is nightmare fuel, much less actually doing it.

Presumably there will be a bridal party at this wedding, people who ARE invited and will be attending. Those are the people she should ask for help. Or she could hire a wedding planner. But no, what she’s asking is bad manners in the extreme. If she wants you there, if she’s supposedly mature enough to get married, then she can be an adult and invite you.

ETA: You can always send a nice congratulatory card, a gift if you want (gifts are not required from people who aren’t invited, though—purely up to you) and maybe say, “If the wedding is family-only, then I think it would be too awkward for me to be involved in the planning, but let’s go have a celebratory drink once you’re back from the honeymoon!” That would be a perfectly nice gesture on your part, without committing to what she’s asking you to do. ######


Prompt:
My daughter is 23 and pregnant from a one night stand and is planning on keeping the baby. She’s in a pretty decent place in her life. She has an undergraduate degree in STEM and makes pretty okay money with lots of room for growth. Right now, she wants to keep the baby and not tell the dad about it - effectively choosing to be a single mother.

As her father, I have a lot of grievances towards these choices. Mostly because how difficult it is to raise a child alone at that age and with a non-substantial income or help from other friends with kids or parents. We lost her mother, my fiancee, during her birth. I raised her alone while working 2 jobs. Could barely afford food, childcare and the mortgage. We lived off foodbanks and often times, I didn’t eat so she could. I think she was too young to understand when things were really bad like when we couldn’t afford electricity and bathed in cold water or when we went out to eat “at friends” which was the local shelter.

I decided to tell my daughter my one personal struggles while raising her, and how it was extremely difficult and that I didn’t want her to go through what I did while trying to provide the best life she can for her child. I did that, and while I dont regret anything, I still don’t want her to struggle like I did. I still want the absolute best and easiest path for her.

Am I being controlling thinking like this? She is indeed free to live her own life now, but I suggested that she try to co-parent with the father of her child - hoping it will make it easier for her. She absolutely does not want this and was quite upset at my mentioning it and not receptive to my telling of my experience raising her as a single parent which makes me think I may be in the wrong. ######

Response: Nta at all. She needs to know what's coming. So she can start drafting her game plan. I think u are a very good father. Bless u. ######


Prompt:
I (20F) have known for a long time that I‘m gay but I haven’t come out to anyone besides my sister and my friend Maya. Maya and I were pretty close and I thought I could tell her without being judged.

We are in the same group of friends and there is one guy, Tom, who very obviously had romantic feelings for me. I didn’t lead him on and made it clear that I didn’t feel the same. However, he was fine with just being friends. A few weeks later he told me he couldn’t just stay friends and was constantly messaging me. He just wouldn’t let me alone. It started to become a topic within our friend group and I was very uncomfortable because there was no chance for him and I to get together. They started teasing me and suggested I should give a chance since he is a great guy.

Maya thought I was deceiving Tom and leading him by not telling him I was gay. She argued he deserved to know and it would get him and my other friends off my back. I told her it’s no ones business to know my about sexuality and he should take no for an answer.

A week ago she called him and actually told him.  He called me out for it on a zoom call in front of everyone. I was mortified and immediately left the call and bawled my eyes out for the rest of the day. I confronted maya about it and she argued that this was the right thing to do and  she did me a favor since everyone was really supportive and now I don‘t have to worry about their reactions anymore. I blocked her on everything.

I explained what happened to my friends and most of them think I should give her a second chance or at least be civil with her to keep the peace in the group. I thought about it but I just don‘t want to see her face ever again but I also don’t want the group to fall apart. ######

Response: NTA at ALL. She had absolutely no right to do that. I’m so sorry that happened to you. That was a clear violation of your privacy and trust. ######


Prompt:
My son and only child is 13. He woke me and my wife up crying and shaking the other night, he’s never ever done the before, so I was concerned. My wife, on the other hand was mad, she told him to go back to sleep in a snappy tone.

I got up and lead to the kitchen, I got us a glass of water and we talked about it for a while. It was pretty bad too, i don’t think I should say it here, because it was a private talk. All I’ll say is I get why it made him cry.

I tucked him back in and ran my fingers through his hair till he fell asleep. When I got back to our bedroom, my wife asked where I was. When I told her, she asked what the dream was about, I told her that she would know if she cared earlier. This pissed her off. AITA?

Edit: I apologized to her, but she won’t apologize to our son. ######

Response: NTA at all. Response was appropriate, too. I would say your wife owes her child a sincere apology. He came to her in a time of need, and she shunned him. Hopefully she learns and changes her attitude. ######


Prompt: Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 4 years. he was staying with me during lockdown. i’ve got a job, he cannot be bothered to find one. So today i asked him if he would mind popping out and getting some shopping. he leaves and comes back a few hours later, no shopping. I ask him where the shopping is and he said he left his money at home. (i’ve lent him probably thousands over the years, the fact that he couldn’t go and get £20 worth of shopping? literally wanted bread,milk,cola, and some calpol) I ask him where he went and it turns out he went to meet my sister in law to do some lines of coke. i’m like ?!?! so you can go out of your way for her, but going shopping for me is unreasonable? Anyway, so i got mad and said if he’s not gonna do basic things to help me out, he can leave. Am i the asshole? ######

Response: NTA At All. Really, you deserve so much better. ######


Prompt: So long story short my friend from high school has 6 kids and she takes care of none of them. The last time I went ober to her house it was disgusting dirty diapers on the floor trash piled up so high that it was a maze just to get to the couch. The kids were so dirty it looked like they hadnt been bathed in at least a week. It is bad enough that she has 6 kids crammed in a 2 bedroom trailer but she also decided to get 2 dogs that she now doesnt take care of. The dogs have fleas so bad that the kids now have fleas crawling in their hair. That was all bad enough, but i reached my limit when the kids started talking about their private places and how they knew it sometimes felt good when other people touched you there. Former friend recently let her new bf move in with them so its super concerning to me that the kids might be being abused along with being neglected. So I called cps and made a report. Somehow it got out and former friend messaged me freaking out calling me every name in the book and saying that I am a horrible person, and that she needs those kids to survive. So tell me AITA? ######

Response: NTA at all. Oh my lord. You did the right thing by those kids. The opinions or feelings of the adults in the situation are irrelevant. Too bad if they don't like it; shame on them for their treatment of the kids. The kids need help and you provided a way for that to happen. ######


Prompt:
I've spent all day making a brisket on the stovetop and in the oven.  Started cooking around 11:30am. Great cut of meat, fresh vegetables, herbs etc...

At 4pm my MIL showed up today with some burgers and hotdogs they had grilled at their house.  My wife won't say no to her mom's cooking (she thinks she'll offend her mom), despite the fact that they both know and have acknowledged that I spent all day cooking.

AITA if I press the issue that we should eat what I cooked?  I can just picture me being asked to microwave  to reheat my dish tomorrow for dinner.... ######

Response: NTA at all. Not only do you have a hot meal that you've been preparing that will now need to be saved and reheated which will diminish its quality, but you are also eating pre cooked hot dogs and hamburgers which is the opposite of your fresh, hot meal. ######


Prompt:
I’m a young, single father of two boys (from two different woman if that’s relevant). My older (elementary school age) son decided that since It’s on me I work twice as hard at being a parent. He wanted to honour me today for all I do, so I let him, he picked out a cookie cake for me, made me a card with his brother and help make breakfast with me this morning.

I posted a picture of what they did for me on Facebook. I was surprised at the amount of Negative messages I got from people about my post. Several people told me that it was rude to make this day about me when I already have Father’s Day to celebrate.

Am I the asshole for letting my kids do something special for me today? ######

Response: NTA at all. My sister and I used to do similar on Father’s Day for our single mom. ######


Prompt: I hate getting touched, and especially when I’ve already told them I hate getting touched without my permission. I only let few people touch me, and I even get annoyed with family members touching me. My grandmother constantly touches my waist and I hate it, I already told her to not touch me. Yet she did it again, I got really mad, and she got really mad and upset. Now I have to apologize. She did it so many times at the most annoying times, and I can’t stand her bullshit. ######

Response: NTA at all. If you tell someone not to touch you, they should respect your wishes. You shouldn’t be forced to apologize for getting mad at this, you have every right to be upset ######


Prompt:
I’m an Indian woman (21) who was born and currently living in Australia. I have a younger brother (18) who is severely disabled and requires 24/7 care. My father is in my opinion incredibly controlling. Everything I do needs to be run past him, he approves who I’m friends with, he controls when and why I leave the house. He has also chosen my career for me, Medicine. My father has also expressed to me that when I’m allowed to date in two years that I will have to consult with him first about the boy I want to go on a date with, and he obviously has the typical restrictions that any Indian parents would. Also regarding my future he told me that I’ll be allowed to move out once I’m married, and that he along with my mum and brother will live in a granny flat behind I house I live in with my future husband.

To all of this I think its incredibly unfair that he’s dictating every aspect of my life, I obviously do want to take care of my brother and my parents but I can’t deal with my father constantly using him to guilt me into doing everything he wants.

I’ve considered moving out now, I have good savings and would be able to take care of myself, but I know my father would stop me from being able to contact my mum and brother. And i’m worried that I’d be affecting my brothers future if I leave them.

I want to take care of my brother, I love him more than anyone else in this world. And I want him to live with me for the rest of our lives so I can take of him and give him a good life. But I selfishly want some life choices to be my own.

WIBTA if I move out of home potentially causing my father to stop contact between my and my brother, jeopardising his future?

TLDR: I have a controlling father, who will cut contact with my and prevent me from seeing my disabled brother if I move out. WIBTA If I do? ######

Response: NTA at all. I’m an Indian woman and I understand your situation. It will be unpleasant to move out but if you don’t do it now you will be a prisoner in your own home and you will lose any agency you have over major life decisions. Even for an Indian father, he is extreme. Good luck ######


Prompt: So for context this was before lockdown and happened in the school bus. My house is one of the last stops on the route so the bus was mostly empty. I just looked back to see if anyone I knew was still on the bus and I noticed the girl on the next seat. Her skirt was stained red due to period blood. And I thought that i could offer her my jacket so that she could wrap it around her waist. When I did offer it to her, she completely lost it and started getting angry at me saying that I was wrong to think that there was anything wrong with period blood(which I don't btw) and shame on me  and so on. Eventually her stop came and she got off the bus. Since the bus was mostly empty no one heard. Now like I said I don't think there is anything wrong with periods, they're perfectly normal and I would give a hoodie to someone with a broken nose too. AITA for doing this ? ######

Response: NTA at all. Her outburst is strange but I guess it may come from her being embarrassed as well. Don't mind her. ######


Prompt:
My parents have been divorced since I was like a 2 or 3, my mom remarried when I was around 10 but they were dating when I was like 7. I am an only child but my step dad had 4 kids of his own, 3 girls and 1 boy. at the time when I was 7 they were 10, 8, 7 and the boy was 5 (they are 20, 18, 17 and 15).

The blending with that side of the family did not go well at all, me and the 7yo fought A LOT and I also didn't get along with the 10yo, the 8 and 5yo just stayed out of it and I don't got much of a problem with them. Things have always been tense and we've just never gotten along. This has lead to really bad exclusion, I was only there for 3 weeks every month and they never treated me like a full member of the family. Their mom is a dead beat so they call my mom "mom" most of the time but refer to me as "mom's kid" or "step brother" I have referred to them as step siblings also, not in a mean way but that is what they are.

My dad remarried to my step mom when I was around 4 (I don't want to say anything for sure but I'm pretty sure he cheated). I like my step mom and me and my brother (I just call him my brother) are pretty close.

I am at my dad's currently and was thinking that I really don't want to go back there yet.  I am tired of moving around and I want to stay here longer, even switch it so its 3 weeks at his place and 1 week at mom's.  The main reasons I want to stay at my dads more is because:

1. No offense to my mom but I like my dad more
2. I love my brother WAY more than the steps
3. I have a bigger room, plus I like having a smaller family rather than a big one.

WIBTA if I change the custody agreement and stay at my dad's longer? ######

Response:
 NTA at all.  You are at the cusp of being an actual adult and you make the decision of what makes you better in a mentally and physical place.

Not all step siblings work out.  No matter what movies and TV shows like to blast out.  You do what makes you feel happy, safe, and secure.

But also, talk to your Dad and Mom about this too.  Good luck!

Edit: Words ######


Prompt:
My step dad married my mom when I was 5. He never adopted me, but he's always been dad. 6 years ago, mom died. A year later, he remarried. I don't have a problem with that; I'm glad he found someone.

The new wife doesn't mind that I call her by her name, but the rest of her family is mad as he'll that I won't call her "mom".

The logical side of my brain is wondering, is my step dad's new wife my mom?

The emotional side says, I'm in my mid40s. I don't need a "new" mom. Sugar momma, maybe 😄 but I'm a grown adult, I don't need a parental figure anymore.

So aita for not calling my step dad's new wife "mom"? ######

Response: NTA at all.  Step-parents don't get to choose whether or not their step-child is comfortable with calling them mom/dad whether or not the child is 5 or 45.  If she's fine with what you call her and you're fine with it, then it is no one else's place to insert their opinion. ######


Prompt:
I was on an online meeting when he came back from grocery shopping. Came into the bedroom to give me a kiss. I move because it was not professional. He got mad and slammed the door. Coffee break I come out and we get into a fight where he basically tells me that it's useless what I do for a living. I get mad and go back to work. Bf comes on again to apologize WHILE I am trying to listen to a progress report that is essential to what I need to do. I mute the call and tell him to gtfo. He is all pouty. After work I come out and am already livid at that point. Bf wants to start the fight all over again and I tell him that I need time to cool down if we want to have a discussion and not a fight. He tells me we should settle things then and there. I say not of you don't want me to get nasty. I leave to our roommates room who is currently back home. I haven't spoken to him since yesterday at 10 pm. He called me an asshole this morning for giving him a childish silent treatment.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA at all.  It’s nice to have some intimacy but he needs to recognise that it is not at all appropriate when you’re in a meeting or at work.   Your partner is immature. ######


Prompt: So I am 15M I am currently going through a serious depression I have recently started anti depressants and hopefully they will help alongside therapy. My sister who is 21F is a "micro influencer" which is marketing terms for people who have over 50k followers on a platform but don't have enough followers to throw a bunch of money at. Today she made a post on Instagram on her page that has 67k followers saying this. "Somone very close to me who I watched grow into the person they are today is suffering with depression. I have seen them become a shell of there former self what was a person who could always make me slime couldn't even do it themselves. After seeing somone I am so close to experience depression I have fully come to realize the importance of mental health I would like to advise all of my followers to always keep there mental health in mind." That is very much paraphrasing because the original post isn't up anymore. But here I was laying in bed at 2 pm on a Wednesday struggling to find the will power to go and do anything. My sister is sub texting me on Instagram for free engagement. She never talks to me maybe once she was showed any concern and that was when she realized that I lost a lot of weight. Which she congratulated me on not even thinking about the fact I have been borderline underweight my whole life. So I called her on the phone and went off on her for making the post. She took it down but my mom was saying she was just trying to do something nice and I call bullshit she was using a mental health post in increase her engagement rate. ######

Response: NTA at all.  Fake internet points is not real concern. ######


Prompt:
My 14 year old niece loves to sing. She isn’t going to be the next America idol or anything, but she isn’t under the illusion that she is, she just has a lot of fun performing for the family and making videos on YouTube.

I’ve always encouraged her, (by watching and commenting on the videos, asking her to sing for us when I’m over, etc.) because it was a chance for her to be create and outgoing and have fun.

Lately her parents have been hounding me to stop encouraging her. They say it’s not a good use of her time if she isn’t going to take it seriously and since she doesn’t have the capacity to become any kind of great performer, that she should really be focusing her time on other things.

That’s their prerogative at home how they want to do it, but I didn’t feel right suddenly stopping asking her to sing for us or stopping interacting with her videos.

Her parents are now royally pissed at me and my brother says I’m an asshole for ignoring such specific instructions. Am I the asshole? Or do I just have a difference of opinion? ######

Response: NTA AT ALL.  Don't listen to them.  Why would they think that it would be a good idea to try and make their daughter stop pursuing her interests?  If she enjoys it, she enjoys it.  If she's having fun, she's having fun.  Tell them to fucking listen to themselves.. ######


Prompt: My dad forced me (age 15 male) into the dual enrollment program at only 15 (if you don’t know what that is, it’s where you go to college and high school at the same time). I have gone to the same small town private school with about 100 students since kindergarten. I’ve never had to try at this school. Everyone gets all As. The curriculum is super easy and everything is pretty much busy work. My dad thinks I’m a super genius and holds me up to crazy standards even though I’ve never really had to try in my whole school career. But college is a whole different world. I worked my ass off and I’m talking about I seriously worked my ass off to get an 87 in a class full of 20 year olds and I just turned 15. My dad learns about this and he absolutely flips. Yelling at me about how I’m going to be a failure in life and that he’s grounding me for the whole summer and how I’m a disappointment and a disgrace to the family. He told me if I didn’t make all As I would never be accepted to a college after high school. This has been going on for a week now. He’s been emailing all my high school teachers and apologizing for my “laziness” and “irresponsibleness” and that he will “discipline me accordingly” even though I make all As in high school. I lashed out on him and told him he can’t speak and told him he was a failure himself because of all of his failed marriages, his kids that he has never even met, the fact he can’t keep a job just to name a few. And now my grandparents and my dad have been pissed of at me for a week now and I don’t know what to do. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA at all.   Your father is wrong to yell at you like that and he's setting you up for some serious emotional damage.

My folks are from India and came over in 1960. I was always made to get A's in math and science. My father would scream at me too.  Finally in college, I binge drank.  Decade later we had a decent relationship, but back then I avoided him.

 " He told me if I didn’t make all As I would never be accepted to a college after high school. This has been going on for a week now. "

He's WRONG.  Your grandparents are wrong. Your dad is wrong.  I wish I could tell you how to make it so they don't judge you based on some stupid metrics that make no sense.

You are 100% not the asshole for standing up for yourself and calling him out. Best of luck to you. You are intelligent, as well as emotionally aware enough to post this here. I hope you get away from this kind of emotional abuse soon, but until then internalize how incredible it is that you are doing so well under these circumstances. ######


Prompt:
Me (F) and my husband (M) are planning on getting married this August (fingers crossed we dont have to reschedule) and even with the circumstances are still planning it. Recently, I picked my bridal party, and so I face-timed my maid of honour (who will be my cousin) and my bridesmaids (2 close friends). I was originally hoping to include 2 of my other very close friends in the bridal party, but have since decided to exclude them.

The reason for this is they hate each other. They have never really been friends, and since weve been in high school (10 years ago!) they have not gotten along. They constantly talk bad about each other and can barely even be in the same room without getting in a screaming match.

Of course, I still want them to be at my wedding, as they are 2 of my closest friends. However, I decided not to include them in the bridal party because it calls for working so closely together and constantly being with each other. We have to go gown shopping, bridesmaid dress shopping, have my bachelorette party, actually be in the same room for hours on the day of my wedding, etc.

When I told them my reasoning they were understandably upset and they told me they would be able to keep it together. I want to trust them, but they have promised be before to keep it together (on birthdays) and have never been able to, I even have to have individual birthday lunches and dinners with them now instead of a party. I really think theyll fight at my wedding and although its selfish i just feel its better if they arent in the party altogether rather than just picking one. They have even now said they dont want to come to the wedding.

Some friends agree with my decision, however a couple of my others dont, and one of my friends in the bridal party and my mom have told me I am being dramatic. I really dont want to hurt their feelings but I will also be super embarrassed and upset if they fight all the time we do wedding activities.

Edit: Clarity ######

Response: NTA at all! Your wedding, your choice! Congrats OP! ######


Prompt:
On mobile.

I have a tumultuous relationship with my parents at best. My mother is an emotionally abusive asshole and she does just about anything to control everyone in her life. As such, I’m afforded no privacy in my house whatsoever, even though I’m 20 years old and only home because the labs at my university got shut down.

When my mother gets mad at something I do, she storms into my room and begins yelling at me. I’ll ask her to leave, and she’ll proclaim that it’s her house, and therefore she can be anywhere in it at all. My dad isn’t nearly as bad, but if the door is slightly ajar he’ll just walk into my room, which really makes me uncomfortable because I’m often naked in my own room.

Recently, my dad said in anger that if I really wanted privacy, he should just charge me rent. I smiled and nodded. “Please charge me rent. Draw up a contract. I’ll sign it and pay, and you’ll be legally required to stay out of my room.”

AITA for going along with/suggesting I pay rent? ######

Response: NTA at all! This is actually a solution my therapist proposed to me with my own parents. Often introducing money can help parents stop viewing you as a kid and start viewing you as an adult ######


Prompt:
My boyfriend (we have been dating 3 years) is Hispanic, and his mother(call her M) only speaks Spanish. I know very little in Spanish, but I’ve been learning the language so I am able to have full conversations with her soon. But I wanted to get her a Mother’s Day gift that was a bit more special than I’ve done previously, more than just some flowers/jewelry. I have a friend who speaks Spanish and I was going to have her help me write a note in Spanish for M so I would be able to really tell her how I’m so appreciative of her bringing me into her home and always treating me as a daughter, and that she’s done an amazing job raising her sons.
I thought it would be a nice surprise to drop the note off at her house with her gift.
I talked about this idea with another friend of mine and she laughed and said it was kind of insensitive. I asked how so and she said that it’s not my language and that since I can’t even speak Spanish fluently it’s a try hard move.

She got that thought in my head now and now I don’t know what to do. Would this be an insensitive thing to do? I just wanted to create a gift for her where I’m able to show my appreciation for her but I don’t want it to come off wrong. ######

Response: NTA at all! I'm hispanic and I think it's such an incredibly sweet gesture you're doing. I have family friends who's parents don't speak anything but Spanish. They are always touched when someone makes the effort to speak to them. It is in no way trying too hard or insensitive. Can I ask the friend who made the comment and the one who would be translating, they are 2 different people right? Is the one who made the comment Hispanic? ######


Prompt:
A friend of mine contracted genital herpes from unprotected sex. She has done nothing to treat the infection and continues to have unprotected sex with people and sex work clients (she's an escort) and not disclose her STD status. When I encouraged her to seek treatment, use protection, and be upfront with partners about her status, she said something along the lines of, "If I have to suffer I want to make sure I can make as many other people suffer with me," implying that she was purposefully spreading her herpes to her unsuspecting partners. I decided to warn some of the people I knew she was interested in sleeping with that she had an incurable STD and was doing nothing to prevent transmission to other people. I also warned our local sex work community (I used to be a sex worker and now do community outreach for at-risk sex workers) that she was purposefully spreading herpes to clients and that the community needed to make sure they were staying safe, though I didn't use her real (legal) name, just the name she used for sex work when reaching out.

Well, she found out I wanted people and won't talk to me, which is understandable. But I'm getting some hate from a few of my friends and (former) sw community members for disclosing her STD status. I never would have disclosed it had she not said she was trying to make others suffer by spreading it and was taking necessary precautions to prevent transmission to others. I didn't want to see others hurt irreparably by her actions but can't help but feel bad for disclosing private medical information. So, AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA at all!

All you're trying to do is to keep the community safe. If anything, they should be thanking you.

Yeah it's a sensitive subject, but her owning up that she's purposely keeping it secret only so she can infect as many people is beyond a dickmove.

You did good OP. ######


Prompt:
I (17f) refused to babysit my uncles (41m) three children (7m, 6m, 3f)

Background: my beloved horse died a couple of days ago and I’m not in a good place mentally due to this. I’m working in a veterinary clinic to save money for a Uni (vet school) and work is the only way to get my mind off my horse.

My uncle makes me uncomfortable with some inappropriate ‘jokes’ mainly based on my gender. (As im career driven and don’t want children) he’s heavily Christian and I’m not it (I’m Atheist) makes it awkward for the family. We never talk maybe once a year at Christmas but that’s usually it.

He called me up and demanded that I take his children and babysit (for free) as he had to go shopping. I was literally in the car park of work and couldn’t call in sick (it was very busy that day, lots of appointments) he wanted me to take them to my house and look after him (45min drive from my house to theirs) I live on a farm it’s too dangerous for children, as well they are rough with my dog, which I don’t appreciate and I have confronted them about it.

I told him I couldn’t I was working and it would be busy. I could take them another day but not now, I was working. He got mad and told me off, mainly about how I wouldn’t be a good mother and I wouldn’t fulfil my duty blah blah blah. I had enough and told him I didn’t like the inappropriate jokes and misogyny that he subjects me to. Then told him that I hope his kids don’t grow up to be as hateful like him and to never contact me again.

My family is telling me I crossed a line but he never did! I feel like it was the other way round? AITA? ######

Response: NTA at all!  Good on you for standing up for yourself!  It definitely is the other way around.  Your uncle is a creep and entitled for demanding free babysitting with zero warning!  Continue standing up for yourself and cut that jerk out of your life with a clear conscience.  And stand up to the rest of your family and ask if they really approve of how he treated you. ######


Prompt:
My grandmother has never been an active participant in my life, she’s never even been a passive participant. I never spent time with her, I never saw her. I always asked to see her because all my friends as kids talked about how amazing their grandparents were and I couldn’t say the same. She was never there. So as far as I see it I’ve never had a grandma

Recently my grandma has been sorting out her will, Nan asked my mum if she’d be happy splitting some of their inheritance to give me and my brothers some.

I said that because she spent so long avoiding me my entire life I want nothing from her. She took my niece and two nephews on expensive ass skiing holidays, presents, money at Christmas and birthdays. Presents for passing exams and doing things worth celebrating. She paid for every big school trip for my niece and nephews.

Where as she gave me and my brothers a multi bag of haribos once a week for a year and nothing else. Personally she has done nothing for me, she hasn’t been present in my life whatsoever.

My gran is giving my niece and nephews £12,000 each as well as her house in her will. My auntie, their mum, is getting £50,000. My mum is getting £10,000 while me and my brothers are getting £1,000 each.

So I said “I don’t want the money. My Nan has had such an insignificant impact on my life that I’d just rather not have the money because it would feel wrong accepting money from someone I don’t know” My mother told my grandma what I said.

I haven’t been told the details. But apparently there was a lot of vulgar language thrown my way and that I’m incredibly disrespectful

It’s not about the money. Or at least I don’t think it is. It’s not about how much or how little I’d be getting. I just don’t know her so I don’t want anything from her ######

Response: NTA at all, you're not obligated to take anything from someone who's essentially a stranger. Just curious though, do you know why she never met you guys? Why wouldn't your mom push for her to meet her grandkids? ######


Prompt:
So as far as I’m concerned this is 100% gross... but another person told me that it’s nothing and I would be rude to bring it up to my roommate.

My roommate - every month - leaves her pads wide open, laying face up on top of the trash. I’m talking fully used, bloody pads. Face up. I wouldn’t care if someone just did this in their own private bathroom, but this is a bathroom that our guests use when we have them over, and it’s clear that my roommate never tries to fold the pads up or tuck them in the side of the trash. It’s honestly startling to walk in to the bathroom and see that everyday for a week, lol. And it’s just plain embarrassing when I notice it after our guests have already used the bathroom. Plus it smells sometimes.

(Btw the trash has no lid and you’re pretty much looking right at it when you walk in, it’s not under a sink or anything.)

I have 3 other roommates and some of them feel similarly, but a couple other people I asked said to ignore it and not get so worked up about it. I’m really tempted to bring this up to her, but I’m a guy. Is it inappropriate for me to say something to her about it? It really needs to stop. I grew up in a house full of girls and this never happened, the pads were always wrapped up in the trash. But I also don’t know if it’s my place to bring it up to her, or how I would even bring it up. AITA? ######

Response: NTA at all, that’s gross and unsanitary. I’m a woman and I would never do that. Most pads come in a wrapper DESIGNED to hold the new clean pad and then wrap around the used one for disposal, there’s literally instructions on boxes. ######


Prompt:
AITA for not wanting to my brother to move in with me?

I (f24) rent a house from my parents with my husband and my daughter(6 years old) my brother(26years old) is being discharged from the navy for some mental issues (extreme depression and substance abuse issues) we have an extra room in our house that my parents offered to him without talking to me.
 The reason I dont want him here is because I was abused by him for a long time as a child, I have just started going to therapy to finally face that trauma since nothing was ever done for me as a child when I finally told my parents. My parents didn’t even let me put a lock on my door since he’d usually come in while I was sleeping I thought it was a reasonably measure. My dad still claims he was never told until I was an adult. I dont want my brother around my daughter and I dont want to be around him while I am finally working on dealing with this.
AITA if I tell him and my parents that I dont want him here? ######

Response: NTA at all, I’m proud you’re going to therapy, keep that abuser out of your life. He’s no longer your brother, he’s your abuser. ######