Prompt:
I've been with my gf for a while and we are both 16. Her parents keep asking me to tell my gf to do things. Like they'll tell me to tell her she needs to study, finish her homework, eat less junk food, go on her phone less, wake up earlier, etc. The first few times I told my gf "your parents told me to tell you x" and she would just complain about her parents being annoying. We started joking around about me being her parent and I'd jokingly say things like "take out the trash young woman" or "go to your room".

Her parents kept asking me to tell my gf things. I usually didn't even bring up to my gf what her parents are saying after a while. Then they'd call or text and ask if I told her and if I can ask her again as she still isn't doing what they want. I told them " I'm her partner not her boss. I'm not going to try to parent her. If I'm worried about her I'll talk to her privately but I'm not going to monitor stuff like if she is sleeping in late or not studying enough. It isn't my job to do that." They called me disrespectful and said I should be looking out for my gf. ######

Response: NTA... her parents are weird ######


Prompt:
My 16 year old son got a tattoo without telling me. I saw it accidentally few days ago. He told me he got it an year ago.

 I was pretty mad. Not because of the tattoo itself necessarily. It’s a small one that says “I met him by chance”. He told me that it was lyrics of the song he likes. I’m mad that he didn’t ask me about it and got it secretly. I told him that if he asked, I’d think about it and maybe I’d let him get it, but since he went behind my back he’d face the consequences now.

He was supposed to meet up with his friends and have a sleepover(Lockdown is starting to lift slowly where we live)I told him he couldn’t do it anymore and he’d have to put it off for now. He was absolutely pissed. He’s completely ignoring me now. His brother(19) thinks that I’m being too harsh and it’s not that big of a deal. ######

Response: NTA... he got an illegal tattoo at 15. Who knows the sanitary conditions where he got it? If a tattoo artist ignores basic rules around age of consent, who knows where else they are cutting corners. IMO he's getting off easy with a punishment rather than hepatitis. ######


Prompt:
My boyfriend (we have been dating 3 years) is Hispanic, and his mother(call her M) only speaks Spanish. I know very little in Spanish, but I’ve been learning the language so I am able to have full conversations with her soon. But I wanted to get her a Mother’s Day gift that was a bit more special than I’ve done previously, more than just some flowers/jewelry. I have a friend who speaks Spanish and I was going to have her help me write a note in Spanish for M so I would be able to really tell her how I’m so appreciative of her bringing me into her home and always treating me as a daughter, and that she’s done an amazing job raising her sons.
I thought it would be a nice surprise to drop the note off at her house with her gift.
I talked about this idea with another friend of mine and she laughed and said it was kind of insensitive. I asked how so and she said that it’s not my language and that since I can’t even speak Spanish fluently it’s a try hard move.

She got that thought in my head now and now I don’t know what to do. Would this be an insensitive thing to do? I just wanted to create a gift for her where I’m able to show my appreciation for her but I don’t want it to come off wrong. ######

Response: NTA... but your "friend" sure sounds like one. ######


Prompt:
So a little back ground. My BIL and SIL son (16m) lives with me and has since February. I have temporary legal guardianship of him. My food stamps recently came up for renewal and I added him on yesterday (4/27) I messaged them today to let them know and they lost their shit on me. They have been claiming him for cash aid and food stamps even though he no longer lives with them. I have 2 children of my own who I also take care and provide for. They are demanding I take him off the application so they can get more money (they don’t have jobs) so they can move out of my father in law’s apartment.

1) I can’t do that. It was an online app and it can not be deleted
2) I have never lied on my application and refuse to do so. I will not be one of those assholes who abuses the system.

Because I have done this the state will now find out they have been lying for 3 months and do a investigation and find that they also weren’t claiming the money their son was making for 6 months (he had a job at the time) this is not the first time they have been caught lying to welfare.

Now I’m being called an asshole cuz I refuse to lie to the state so they can get more money. My head is spinning around this how thing. Help. ######

Response: NTA... assuming you actually do have *legal* guardianship and you're in line with your state's laws, you are in the right. You're bearing the costs of their son and not them. ######


Prompt:
Me (28M) and my girlfriend (32F) have been together for 9 months and we currently live together in rented accommodation. We split everything evenly between us but pay for our own personal things, make up, computer games etc.

A few months ago upon leaving work I noticed a scratch down the side of my car across both doors and some of the rear. The quote I got for repairing of the damage was more than I could afford but I drive for work occasionally so wanted the car to look presentable. I asked my girlfriend to help me out so I could comfortably make rent payment and she refused saying this is a personal cost and not her problem.

We didn’t argue and I wasn’t too taken back as she is right and it’s not like I couldn’t use the car with the minor damage.

Fast forward to last week and my girlfriend upon returning from work scrapped the side of my car whilst parking outside of the house. The damage is much more significant to my vehicle than hers.

Upon discussing the matter she said that she will pay for her damages and I must pay for mine.

I said to her that this was unfair and she said ‘life’s unfair’ and the conversation ended there. I tried to discuss it with her one more time and she didn’t give me the time of day.

I got a quotation for the repair which exceeds what I think is reasonable for me to pay so I contacted my insurance and made a claim, having all of her details at hand. Today she stormed into the room screaming at me saying how selfish I was and that I should start handling my own responsibilities like an adult.

Am I the asshole here? I’ve tried my best to speak with her but it looks like it’s going to be a very lonely pandemic for me.

Thanks in advance for all the feedback. ######

Response: NTA... and get out. She clearly doesn’t respect your finances or property. ######


Prompt:
I know how I might be wrong. Calling my wife out  in public, adhering to a sexist stereotype, etc. I know hoe she might be in the wrong, lying and adhering to a sexist stereotype.

So, let’s start the story. Yesterday, a couple of my friends, my wife and I were video chatting. Casually, someone asked who was the breadwinner in our relationship. She full on lies and says that she’s the breadwinner. I think she expected for me to say nothing. I just mentioned that she was lying and that I actually earned more than her

The thing is I wouldn’t’ve cared if she didn’t answer or if she said that was sexist. I honestly wouldn’t’ve. But she falsely said that she did earn more than me. That’s entirely wrong, I earn more than twice than she does.

My wife is pretty mad and won’t talk to me because “I called her out” and “I was being a sexy(st) jerk”

So, AITA? ######

Response: NTA... also, why the fuck does it matter so much to her? If she has to lie about it maybe she should get a better job or something if she’s going to feel so insecure about it. ######


Prompt:
This morning my mom woke me up to take care of the baby.

It went something like this m=my mother.
Op is me so it’s easier to read.

M: “Op get up now. You’re not hurting go change the baby.”

Op: “hold up my stomach is doing something”
At this point she’s yelling. And I’m already getting up.

M: “DO IT NOW!”

Op: “Jesus christ I’m getting up. You just had to wait 10 seconds.” During this time she was making a bottle.

M: “You’re always doing something! You’re head hurts or your stomach hurts. Or it’s homework. You’re so inconsiderate and a liar. I won’t take you driving until you treat me better.”

Op: “I don’t care if you take me driving. I’ll do it when I’m 18.”

This is the main problem for me. When she starts yelling I zone out or something and I don’t react to most things she says.

M: “You’re a selfish, inconsiderate child. What are a sociopath? I bet you’re lying about this. I don’t have time for breakfast and I can’t make lunch now.”

Op: “if you stop talking you can make it.” At this moment I was done with everything.

M: “You really don’t care.”

She went to her room and cried for 10 mins before going to work.

Some background. When I was around 8/9 I had a bad thing with lying. But I got over it and she still rubs it in my face. My dad can’t help as he is out of the picture. This happens almost every morning. ######

Response: NTA.. youre a teenager and its not your baby. Its very kind of you to be helping in the first place. Your mom sounds stressed but also like shes taking you for granted. ######


Prompt:
Some background info: my fiancée and I got engaged September of 2019, we decided to get married on our anniversary this year in October 2020. My aunt and her fiancée got engaged at the end of December 2019 like 1-2 days after Christmas and have set their wedding date in April 2021.
My wedding is going to be a courthouse wedding with a small nice intimate dinner for close friends and family (I only had 15 people or less on my list and have never wanted a ceremony). This will be my first (hopefully only) wedding.
My aunt is having a MASSIVE wedding ceremony and reception costing $60k+ with 200-500 people in attendance. This will be her second wedding.

Anyways onto the story, so back before the ‘rona started I was out with my group of close friends and a few mutuals for lunch.
I was talking about my upcoming wedding and then my Bf (best friend) and I began discussing my aunts wedding. Well one of my close friends and their mutual friend was listening and interrupted us to say that I HAD to change my wedding date because it was too close to my aunts and it wasn’t fair of me to “outshine” her. All other conversations stopped and everyone is still divided on the issue. I was so in shock I was silent for a bit and then left after saying “guess you’re uninvited then” and I cried in my bf car for 2 hours. It’s been bugging me for the past 2 months since it happened, I just can’t see how keeping my wedding date would be disrespectful to my aunt? I honestly don’t want to speak with those people anymore but maybe I’m looking at it from the wrong perspective? My absolute closest friends (known for 10+ years) say that I’m NTA but enough of them are saying that I will be if I don’t move my wedding that I’m beginning to wonder WIBTA for keeping my wedding date as is? ######

Response: NTA.. wait.. do I have a bum calendar because October is not even close to April...how is your date close to hers? Did I read that wrong? I don’t think you are TA for not changing the date... I think.. ######


Prompt:
I'm honestly just questioning things right now and I want honest answers. Please hear me out.

So, my fiance has a brother who is autistic. He's a great kid and he's pretty fun to hang out with. I had absolutely no problem with him until he grabbed my butt. I have circumstances that I can't handle people touching me out of nowhere and his brother came up behind me and did it. I broke down crying and I shut down for around half an hour.

After I had recovered, his mother told me,"Oh, he has autism. He doesn't know any better." I got really pissed at her when she said that because he's almost 13. I don't treat him any different than I do from my fiance's other brother. I don't give him special passes or special treatments just because he's autistic. I treat him like he's a normal 13 year old kid.

His mother got angry at me because I got protective about myself and my body and that I wasn't willing to just brush it off because he's autistic. I wasn't mad at him, I'm pissed at his mother using his autism as an excuse for how he touches other people. I'm worried he's gonna get hurt one day because his mom is excusing his behaviour.

So, am I the asshole? ######

Response: Nta.. the parents are putting the kid's life in danger.. autism is not a reason not to teach.. if they keep doing that, he might end up doing something to someone who won't give a fxck about his autism and end up hurting him.. have u talked to your fiance about it? It looks like the kid has a good grasp on what's right or wrong if he understands boundaries.. ######


Prompt:
So my girlfriend and I can’t see each other in person so we’ve been doing video chats during dinner and stuff like that. We have a words with friends game going and also she’ll sometimes play me at chess online. The thing is with chess is she’s one of those chess nuts who spends a ton of time practicing and reading moves and stuff. I mean it’s good for her and what she enjoys sure. But it’s not terribly fun for me, because I only know the rules, never practiced, don’t know what a queens gambit is or any of the other ridiculous move sets chess wizzes memorize. I lose completely and totally every time. She doesn’t go easy on me, so I could just press random buttons and do about as well as I do now.

Today I declined her invite to a game and texted her that I’d rather not play chess anymore. She immediately called me a sore loser and asked if I was just scared I’m going to lose. I responded that I’m not scared, I know I’m going to lose and it’s not fun.

She said “aw is the little baby going to cry”. I just didn’t respond to that and didn’t talk to her until dinner. When I called she was mad that I never responded to her. I said she was being rude and it was better that I not respond than she see what my response would have been.

She got mad again and said she’s not the one that declined “bonding time” because I’m afraid of losing. I again said I’m not afraid, but playing a game where moving randomly and trying to win yields the same result isn’t fun. She said it’s because I’m bad that happens, and I just hung up.

She blew up my phone with texts saying that it was rude to hang up in the middle of a conversation. But the way she’s acting is like if I arm wrestled her and when I won I ripped my shirt off and poured Gatorade all over myself. Or if I played basketball with her and then posted her up and dunked every possession.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA.. sore winning is as bad as sore losing. You dont even need an excuse to say no... playing games together is supposed to be fun and challenging for everyone.

but ... if you want to shut her down hard, heres what you do... tell her you are going to spend the night practising and studying chess (dont do that - just enjoy a peaceful quiet night at home). When you set up for your game with her, open a second game on your phone (player vs CPU) and set it on the hardest difficulty.

When she makes a move, input it into the game on your phone, then just take the CPUs reply move and play it against her.

Beat her badly a few times and then just accept your victory graciously and without celebration (or literally rip off your shirt and do the gatorade thing if you like)

Either way, problem solved. ######


Prompt:
Some context I live in an apartment complex where the doors face eachother and the space is relatively small. I understand how the camera works in that it picks up on motion and what not and sends an alert to your phone.

My primary concern with this is that this particular neighbor has a history of stealing my packages or attempting to. I've caught him at least 3-4 times stealing my chewys orders and even tried to steal my grandfathers fathers day gift when it was delivered. Hell I have to be careful with food delivery because he tries to steal my groceries when theyre delivered and my uber orders if I order out ((we are in a hotspot and im high risk for covid so I stay put most of the time)).

I also work over night so I tend to walk my dogs around 4 am when I get off and its cool. The other day I got a nasty note on my door from him telling me not to walk my dogs as I set off the alarm.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA.. how is he gonna install a camera overlooking a PUBLIC SPACE by the way and be mad at YOU for walking your dog.... IN A PUBLIC SPACE. ######


Prompt:
So recently Girlfriend and I adopted her siblings and honestly I love them, I see them as mine and the youngest calls me dad which brings tears to my eyes. I’ve watched the two younger girls grow since they were babies and Carlos I’m trying with him through video games and fixing skateboards.
My mom lives with us in our Ranch style home  that we recently got due to previous posts gf posted.
Now onto the story.

My sister passed away giving birth to her newborn son on July 27th. It doesn’t phase me as I wasn’t close to her but my 4 other sisters are distraught and my mom knows and is mourning.
The problem now is that all my sisters want me to adopt her kids to keep them in the family seeing I’m financially stable and that I’m doing better than them. I threw it back at them and told them to adopt since they loved our oldest so much.
I’ve babysat my 9 year old niece in the past and it wasn’t a cakewalk, that child was spoiled rotten, given a tablet real early and needed the tv on just in case they got board of the tablet. When I would take the tablet she would break something if she didn’t get her way. I was never compensated for broken items and the child would complain how I barely fed her anything when shes obviously overweight. After babysitting only twice I told my sister and her niece to go fuck themselves and to never count on me if that was the way they were.
My niece and newborn nephews fathers aren’t in the picture. So I understand if I don’t adopt them they will be lost to the system but her doctor told her that her son was going to come with complications. She should’ve had a plan ready.
My mom tells me to not take them in as it was my sisters fault for not planning ahead or thinking of herself, gf said it’s my decision, and my sisters are saying I’m a douche/asshole for killing off her bloodline. So am I the asshole? ######

Response: NTA. Youve taken in every child so far. You have other siblings who can care for them, and if they were so close to your sister hopefully they will. You are still adjusting to your current family dynamic. Take time to focus on your core family for now. You cant be expected to take everyones children ...especially if later in life you and your gf want your own. ######


Prompt:
My wife and I currently live in a caravan on the beachside, it’s 2bed and a nice place to live, we are planning on moving sometime though as we are expecting our first child but we’re looking at a 3bed house in a similar area.

The extra bedroom was planned to be another babies room as we want two children.

My wife’s grandmother suffers from short term memory loss and everything is emotional with her, she’ll cry when you put away her food and cry when she has peas, she’ll cry about cold weetabix,  she’ll hide her soiled underwear, wrap her veg in tinfoil and hide that and lately she’s been found in her garden in a confused state.

She’s got a carer but the company isn’t prepared for the state my wife’s grandmother is in anymore and has suggested a care home, my wife will not do that, I’ve suggested a live in carer but my wife believes she’s better with us (we’re her only family)

I’m 28 and my wife is 25, I don’t think I’m prepared to not only have a newborn but also someone who requires a lot of care.

My wife works from home, sometimes so she’d be the one mostly caring for our newborn and her grandmother.

She’s said her grandmother can live with us and we’ll hire a carer to come in twice a day.

The thing is I don’t want to compromise, we will have a new house and I don’t  want soiled underwear hidden  around the house.

My wife isn’t speaking to me currently for making her pick between her or family, we are family so it should be easy enough.

My mother thinks I’m being an asshole.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your wife's grandmother needs to be a stable environment that provides constant enrichment, medical support, and psychological care. Dementia is not something that can be managed in an unsecured house while simultaneously caring for a newborn and attempting to work. A carer coming in to assist two times a day does not mean that she'll be able to leave the house to go shopping or take the baby to the doctor. Babies are rough on adult sleep schedules, but if you've got a dementia patient in the house, naps will be few and far between. A new baby also adds a lot of laundry ... and so does a person who has continence issues. Your wife will have to make sure that grandma is never left alone in the kitchen (turning on burners and appliances is common with unsupervised dementia patients), that her bath time is supervised (and she'll probably have to help with basic hygiene), and that all doors to the outside are constantly secured. And this is just the short-list of issues.

Your wife has an unrealistic idea of what she will be capable of handling. She is purposely NOT looking at this from a practical and realistic perspective because for her, it's an emotional decision. Validate her emotional desire to be there for her grandmother and encourage her to start thinking about what is REALLY best for everyone in this situation. It would be one thing if you were moving into HER house (where she'd be in a familiar place, which helps a lot with dementia patients), but she'd be moving into an unfamiliar house, in an unfamiliar place, and all of the people and rhythms she's accustomed to will be gone. I work with dementia patients and those things are HUGE issues that can cause enormous emotional distress. Being moved into an environment that is designed for such patients is a MUCH better option and her grandmother will benefit from the constant attention and interaction. Wishing you all kinds of luck. ######


Prompt:
Background & Context: I have a FT job in healthcare where I work a steady 45 hours weekly. Now due to recent additional stressors are work it’s more like 50-55 and I am mentally, physically exhausted after working all day and dealing with the additional stress/frustration/constant policy changes.

Years ago, prior to having our child she wanted to work and asked me to “help” her find a job. That “help” consisted of me creating her resume from scratch (she didn’t know how to) and filling out applications for her (each online application takes a good 15 mins to complete now) while at the time I was working FT and completing grad school FT in an accelerated program.

Incident: My beautiful, sweet wife is a stay at home mom. She cooks, cleans, takes care of our child. Today, she mentioned to me that she wants to earn some money by opening up a catering service. I told her that I think it’s a fantastic idea and outlined a complete business plan for her (watch YouTube videos to learn how to take quality professional photos with our DSLR camera, take photos of the food she makes, create a Facebook page, join various Facebook groups and start marketing, etc.). This was not what she had in mind, she wanted me to do all the front-end work; (take photos, create a Facebook page, market on Facebook and virtually network to our community, etc) and for her to just cook the food. When I told her “no and that I don’t have the mental/physical bandwidth for that due to already working a high-stress/high-demanding job.” Her response was “Fine, don’t help me or support me.” To which I responded, “I did help you by outlining a complete business plan for you; however, if this is something you want to do, you need to put in the hard work.” She knew I was firm in my decision, therefore, she dropped the idea and hasn’t mentioned it.

Few friends of ours side with me and a few friends feel that I could’ve pitched in more and am being TA.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your wife needs to act like an adult and learn to do things for herself. You have a full time job - you don’t need her job to cost you more hours if your day than it does her. ######


Prompt:
So we have 3 kids, 17, 15, and 10. I’m only a quarter Japanese but spent ~7 years in Japan when I was a teenager living with my parents there. I’m pretty fluent as my job requires a lot of Japanese as well.

My wife doesn’t speak Japanese at all and only speaks English. A few years ago my oldest and second oldest wanted to learn Japanese in school which she initially encouraged. Recently they’ve gotten to the point where they can understand great but still struggle to have the confidence to speak out loud. So sometimes at home I’ll practice with them for short periods of time. Like “how was your day, what did you have for lunch, etc.” They’re not advanced enough to hold long deep convos.

This has increasingly bothered my wife because she doesn’t understand and always assume we are talking about her (we’re not, it’s all very basic stuff). It has gotten to the point where she has instituted a house-wide ban on all Japanese because she thinks its exclusionary to her and our youngest and bad for family unity. Ive tried to calm her fears but I also don’t think having 5-10 minutes of Japanese conversation every day is bad for the whole family. She told me that in the US it’s universally rude to have conversations of any length that not everyone can understand.

However when she’s not around I’ll still speak to my kids in Japanese now and then. Recently our youngest heard us speaking Japanese very briefly in the backyard and told mom. My wife came home that night apoplectic and threatened to cut off our kids tuition if they insist on disrupting our family harmony. Then we had a massive fight between the two of us where she accused me of betraying her and making her look like the bad guy in front of the kids.

I feel completely torn, on one hand I did go behind her back to speak in Japanese to our kids, but on the other she was giving 0 wiggle room. But I’m not sure if I handled it poorly. AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your wife is being ridiculous. 10-15 minutes of conversational Japanese will not kill her, especially if she isn't even around for it. She sounds incredibly selfish and immature. ######


Prompt:
Title sounds bad, the situation itself might be as well.

For some background: my wife and I are both women in our mid-30s and she's expecting our first child, almost in her third trimester. I've suffered from eating disorders in the past, I'm still seeing a therapist and my wife is aware of this, even if I try not to talk about it with her. Talking about weight gain is a huge trigger for me, to the point that I try to steer the conversation away from the subject if it comes up (if I can't, I nod politely and wait for it to be over). My wife also knows of this and I know she tries her best not to talk about it, but she's been a bit overweight her whole life and has always been into different kinds of diet. That's fine, I love her and I can take a bit of diet talk once in a while, even if I'm not too happy about it.

Things have gotten worse with the pregnancy: she's always commenting and asking me if she's gained weight (like, almost once a day, sometimes more) and I try to be kind and tell her that no, she's just pregnant and looks as beautiful as ever, but she insists. I've developed some body-image issues of my own in the past year and all this weight talk is, for lack of better words, making me lose my shit. Yesterday night, she asked me two times if I think she's fat and the second time I just snapped and told her something along the lines of "You've gained weight, but that's what happens when you're pregnant".

As a result, she locked herself in the bathroom, called her mother on the phone and sobbed for an hour as I attempted to convince her to open the door. She wouldn't talk to me this morning despite me apologizing and telling her multiple times that I love her and her body very much and I'm writing this during my lunch break because I feel so guilty I'm about to cry.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your wife is aware of the fact that you suffered from an eating disorder, correct? Then, pregnancy hormones or not, she should try not to talk about such things around you. I get that she wants someone to reassure her and tell her that she’s still beautiful, but, when it comes to her weight, she can look for that reassurance somewhere else. If I knew that my partner was triggered by something, I would do my best not to bring up that topic, especially if it could make them relapse. ######


Prompt:
So I am probably TA but I am curious

My parents split when I was around 5ish, my dad stayed single but my mom remarried when I was 11 to a guy who had 3 kids of his own.  At the time they were 13, 10, and 9 while I was 11 about to turn 12, I only saw them like one week in a month cause my dad had primary custody.  We never really blended cause I rarely if ever saw them and I always felt like my mom kind of forgot about me for them.  There was 1 big incident when I was 13 and while at my dads they went on a really big 2 and a half week vacation, and I didn't even find out about it till I was at their place and my step sister let it out, they were trying to hide it from me..........

After that incident I lived full time with my dad and only saw them for 1 month in the summer and nothing else.  I didn't cut contact but I went extremely low contact when I went to college.  I met my GF in college and we dated for a couple years and are now engaged.  We WERE supposed to already have our wedding but that got canceled, and now its gonna be whenever the world is safe again.

I sent out the invites, and its basically both our families and friends, I sent one to my mom and told her only she can come but not her husband or his kids.  She said thats completely unfair and said she can't come if at least her husband can't go with her.  I told her that I want it only family there, she said that she will think about coming but will have to think about it.

I was talking with my SO about this and she is saying that I'm being "too hard" on my mom.  I said I can see what she is saying but she doesn't understand why I don't want my step family at the wedding.  She dropped the convo but said she wishes I reconsider.  AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your wedding, your rules. Your mom made her choices years ago. She doesn’t get to play loving mom now just because she wants to. Your SO has not had the same experiences as you and is most likely having difficulty understanding the depth of damage your mother did your relationship. So cut her a little slack. ######


Prompt:
I’m getting married in exactly 8 months. My mother is very excited, I’m the first daughter out of 5 to get married.

My grandmother, my mother, my aunt and my cousin all wore the same wedding dress, unaltered, not tailored, just the same dress. It looked beautiful on all of them because they’re all beautiful women, but I don’t have an interest in wearing it. It’s not my style and I would feel bad altering it to make it more my style.

When I got engaged, my mother was so excited that i was gonna wear her dress, and freaked out when I told her I wasn’t going to. She told me I breaking tradition and it was bad luck, but told me I can’t alter it, so I’m kind of stuck in a corner. I decided I was going to wear the dress of my choosing but wear her veil. That was not good enough for her and she won’t talk to me about wedding things because it “breaks her heart”

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your wedding, your choice. End of discussion.

Bad luck? I just can't. Weddings and marriages aren't "successful" bc of luck. ######


Prompt:
I have grown a peach tree from seed. A lot of care and planning had gone into this tree, from genetic planning to training and now I have gotten my first harvest(6lbs of fruit- dwarf tree)

A few days after harvest, my mother asked me when I’m going to distribute some along the neighbourhood to which I said I wasn’t planning on doing so. She says that’s mean as people have noticed the tree and are expecting something and I said yea well tough luck.

I intend on eating a good chunk of it myself fresh and then preserving the rest by pickling them with honey.

Note: all care towards this tree was performed by me alone and it’s on MY private property and not a communal area. ######

Response:
 NTA. Your tree, your land, your peaches.

The Song goes 'Millions of Peaches, Peaches for me.'

Tell 'em Peaches for me, not for thee. ######


Prompt:
My fiance(29m) and I(29f) are (world affairs permitting) getting married in October. This is my first wedding but his second. We are having a small wedding (50 people or so) after a short engagement because we both want to have multiple children, and we want to start trying as young as we can.

My fiance is friendly with his ex because they still have several mutual friends and are part of the same D&D group. I say friendly instead of being friends because we have had some issues with her and boundaries, such as her complaining that they dont have the level of communication that they did before, and getting annoyed that he didnt drop everything (cancel time with me) to support her on a bad day, and half a dozen other small moments that get blown up into things much bigger than they should be. I dont think she is doing this maliciously, I think she was just naive enough to believe that she would still be one of his best and closest friends after the divorce and is struggling with the reality of it. Because of her issue with boundaries, I decided very early on that I do not want her at the wedding. and my fiance supported me wholeheartedly. No issues there.

Here's where I worry we might be the assholes. After making our guest list we realized that we are inviting almost all of their mutual friends, except for his ex and her boyfriend(who is the man she left the marriage for but that is neither here nor there). Friends they made during the marriage, the entire D&D group, people his ex introduced him to...yeah. we made the list simply by inviting those people that we wanted at the wedding, but we did end up inviting everyone around her. I have no intention of extending an invite to her because I do not trust her to not make the day about herself, even if it is an asshole move, but are we the assholes for leaving her out of something everyone else is coming to? ######

Response: NTA. Your title is misleading. You aren't excluding one of his friends. You are excluding his toxic ex. Nobody should be surprised that she isn't invited. ######


Prompt:
From the age of 13-17 yo I went to a boarding school where I was bullied. Although there were many people that treated me like shit, there was this one guy who's worse than the others. From name calling to physical bullying, he did it all. I was horrified of him. Really horrified. It went to a point that I absolutely willing to do anything so just I won't have to stumble upon him.

At the age of 15 I was diagnosed with anxiety disorders and depression. Sure he wasn't the only cause of it but he sure did his fair share. I couldn't drop out of the school because I went there on scholarship. Dropping out would mean I have to pay it back. Could not really talk to any adults either because snitches get way more stitches.  In the subsequent years, I learned to make myself small so that nobody would notice my presence. Things did not get better but it's bearable.

A few days before I officially finished my highschool and went my own ways, he came to me apologizing. I asked him why he treated me horribly for all those years. He told me that there was no reason for it. Apparently I might've rub him the wrong way somehow. He asked me to forgive him because once we out of school we probably will never met again.
I told him no.

A few days ago, his wife reached out to my friend asking for my number. She called me asking if I'm willing to talk to his husband. Apparently he's not in good condition health wise and is still bothered that I didn't accept his apology. I don't know the details but my friend told me he's dying.

My therapist told me that I need to let go of my past. My boyfriend told me to be the bigger person and  I will be TA if I were to ignore him.

WIBTA if I still refuse to talk to him or accept his apology? ######

Response: NTA. Your therapist is right, you need to let go of the past and move on, however that doesn’t mean that you have to accept his apology. He terrorized you for years, you don’t owe him anything even on his death bed. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway.

My parents divorced when I was thirteen years old. Two years later my dad married my step-mother. Now I (25 F) am got married to my fianceé (27 M).

Anyway, my step-mother is against LGBTQ+ and HATES when females wear suits, so she FLIPPED when I asked my Tomboyish and non-gender confirming friends to stand by me on my side. They both looked wonderful in their suits by the way.

Anyway, my mother berated me for inviting them to my bridal party and it made me angry, because they were my closest friends, no matter what.

So I told her to be quiet and not come to my wedding if she doesn't like it and added: "they're my best friends and I want them there."

She ended up not coming to my wedding but later I got a call from my step-sister yelling at me for being rude to 'our' mom.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your stepmom should be more accepting and it’s your wedding not hers. ######


Prompt:
I (f17) live with my mom and my step dad. my step dad and I have never gotten along, and it's progressively gotten worse as I've gotten older.

he frequently insists that my anxiety and depression issues are fake and I'm doing it because I'm desperate for attention. he says extremely mean things to me, like calling me a charity case, a dick sucking whore, and worse.

as much as I hate him, my mom keeps him around for financial "support"(he blows all his money on stupid things)

my mom says I have no room to complain because he offered to buy me my horse. Although that was a kind gesture, around November he completely cut me off because he says I don't do enough. I am now over 1k in debt with horse bills(board only, my horse has proper vet care).

I recently got a job so I can cut myself off financially from them, and he has tried to manipulate me into quitting. saying things like "your mom needs you to stay here", lying about losing my cats, and telling me I'd be r*ped at work.

today was the straw that broke the camel's back. my mom is very aware of what he puts me through, and she got her government check today. she went out and bought him a new phone "because she wanted to do something nice for him". I explained to her how upset I was because he's done nothing but abuse me.

I think at this point, if she's still with him when I move out. I'd highly consider cutting ties with her.

AITA for feeling like this and thinking about ending the relationship we have? ######

Response: NTA. Your step-father is abusive, and your mother is enabling his abuse. You're absolutely justified in wanting to cut this toxicity out of your life. No one should have to put up with abusive behaviour, and if the best way to protect yourself from his abuse is to cut both of them out of your life, please go ahead and do that. Your emotional health is important and worth protecting. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway.

My parents divorced when I was thirteen years old. Two years later my dad married my step-mother. Now I (25 F) am got married to my fianceé (27 M).

Anyway, my step-mother is against LGBTQ+ and HATES when females wear suits, so she FLIPPED when I asked my Tomboyish and non-gender confirming friends to stand by me on my side. They both looked wonderful in their suits by the way.

Anyway, my mother berated me for inviting them to my bridal party and it made me angry, because they were my closest friends, no matter what.

So I told her to be quiet and not come to my wedding if she doesn't like it and added: "they're my best friends and I want them there."

She ended up not coming to my wedding but later I got a call from my step-sister yelling at me for being rude to 'our' mom.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your step mom is discriminating and your step sister supports that from her response. If they really cared  and wanted to be there they would have looked past all that. Sad that their hate extends further than their love. ######


Prompt:
- This is a throwaway. I am typing this on my tablet.

Me and my husband have two children, twins boy ( "Liam") and girl (" Molly") who are 10.

Our rules for giving them pocket money are:

- £10 is the start off.

- Any bad behaviour that is continued after a warning will mean £1 is deducted.

- For the 5 weekdays they will each have the oportunity to do 2 houshold tasks a day, each task rewards them with an extra £1 towards their pocket money. If they do 2 chores a day for every weekday, their total is £15.

- If for each weekday their room is tidy (no mess on floors, clothes and toys put away) then they get and extra £3 towards their weekly total. We let them know in advance if we feel their room is unclean so they have a chance to earn the money.

- If their bed is made each week day then they get an extra £2 for the total.

So if they do all of this their weekly total is £20. On the weekend any chore they do earns them a bonus £1 which is given to them right away.

We always set aside easy chores, and always give them a chance to say yes or no. We do not save better chores for either of them.

Liam's pocket money at most has been £14, the least he has ever been given is £6. We offer both of them a chance to earn back money they lost. Molly almost always gets £20 and will do a few bonus chores as well. Molly sometimes saves her money, the most she has saved it for is 5 weeks, Liam has had many arguments with me and his dad saying that we are picking favorites and giving her more money. She has more stuff than him but that is because she earned the money and saves it.

My MIL and FIL do not agree with mine and their sons ways. But we both believe we are doing nothing wrong, since there is no reason my son would not be able to do chores, and we always offer chores to him. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your son has the same opportunities and is choosing not to do them, as well as not to save. It's a life lesson.

Also, my room is clean so can you send me a couple? ######


Prompt: Last year my mom was diagnosed with pretty much a death sentence, ALS. I talked to my ex and he didn’t wanna just let me take our son( now 14). So we agreed to talk to him and let him know what was happening, kinda, I just told him grandma was really sick and I was thinking of moving to help out and he had the choice of coming w me or staying w his dad. It was painful but he choose to stay and I respected it, I just didn’t tell him how bad my mom was idk if that would have changed anything but I didn’t wanna guilt him or anything like that. I have friends who have said I should have let him know the extent of my mom illness and guilted my ex into letting my son move w me but I just can’t do that. He’s a teen and loves me and his dad and comes for the summer and spring break I can’t guilt him into wanting to live w me. It across the country like a 24 hr drive. I feel like an AH for not doing everything to get my son to live w me but I don’t want him to resent me for making him move, so tell me honestly AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your son at 13 would know what grandma is really sick and I need to take care of her means. It’s not like he’s a little boy. You left the choice up to him without guilting him and that’s being a good parent. ######


Prompt:
Post ahead so get in.

Backstory: I am the oldest out of 5 and have graduated high school and moved from my state to go to college. My family is no strangers to drug and alcohol use, one of the family members was selling drugs for a long time but got arrested for getting caught. My parents were drug addicts and my father is an alcoholic.

Now i dont use drugs or drink [I'm 19] and I'm very proud of that life. I dont care for alcohol and I've tried to smoke weed but didnt like the side effects. However who I am concerned about is my little sister [L for the sake of the story]

L is 15 years old and lives with my grandparents. She has been smoking weed since she was 13, and has started to drink not soon after. She posts constantly on social media with her smoking out of her bong, drinking vodka, and posts like "I miss the homies and the drugs". She talks to me about it nonchalant, and I can't help but worry a bit.

I've brought it up to my parents and they arent doing anything, and I also mentioned it to my Grandparents [her legal guardians] my concerns. My grandparents arent the best people but they just dont seem to care and say "Its her life, let her do what she pleases" and usually they tell L that I mentioned telling them and she blows up, sending vulgar texts and telling me to "Stay in my lane"

She recently had posted that she was going to try Acid and I am contemplating her texts reporting it to Child Services, as this is child neglect in my mind and I dont want her to slowly drift towards other drugs.

Edit:I have been expressing my concerns for her numerous times and I have been explaining how this can affect her brain and shes like "You cant tell me what to do." I've tried to talk to her. I've tried to voice concern with the family, and they don't budge.

 Reddit, would I be the Asshole? ######

Response: NTA. Your sister's brain is still developing, heavy drug use will not be good. Please report it. ######


Prompt:
I’m my homes Cinderella basically. No, my family isn’t abusive. But all the chores in my house are given to me. Everyone else is exempt from picking up after themselves...I must do it for them. If I’m sick and can’t do it, no one will do it. If I don’t feed the dog, no one will do it. Giant spill on the counter? Whoever did it won’t clean it up. I have to do it.

My sister is the worst out of the 3 people in my family. She will cook something and leave the scraps of food all over the kitchen all day. There’s so much clutter all over the counters there’s no room for anything. Day after day I have to clean it.

I’ve mentioned this to my parents and they don’t give a fuck. My parents are very lazy tbh and if it’s not their problem or if it doesn’t affect them they don’t care. They are so easy on my sister who can do whatever she wants, when she wants. She’s 17 and I’m 22. I’ve asked her to contribute and clean up after herself but she just whines.

So today she made a salad. There’s lettuce all over the counter, chopped tomatoes on the floor, and dirty dishes left all over the table. So I took her mess and her dishes and put it on her room on her floor so she’d finally clean it. She freaked out and asked why it was there and I said “because it’s your mess and if you keep refusing to clean up after yourself, I’ll move the mess to your room so I don’t have to deal with it. It’s ready to be cleaned whenever you are!”

She flipped out and told my parents I messed up her room and they got upset with me saying that I’m causing drama in the house and that my sister is bored being in the house all day and doesn’t need this stress. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your sister sounds like a spoiled brat. Your parents sound like spoiled brats as well. Stop doing things. Feed the dog but stop contributing otherwise. I understand your parents expect you to do these things but you aren’t a maid or their slave. If they expect it then tell them you want to be compensated for it.

But in general OP it sounds like you need to move out if you can. Your whole family seems lazy and toxic af. ######


Prompt:
I’m immunosuppressed, and my wife is in the hospital for a few days. I’ve been texting her but we decided it was better if I didn’t go in to see her to limit my exposure chances to covid. I’ve been texting her, but I drew her a picture that I wanted to send and I wrote a note to go along with it. My sister works as a nurse at the hospital, so I asked her if she could take it in for her when she gets a chance.

She took it in yesterday, and then she texted me that what I wrote was sweet and that the drawing was good. I asked how she knew and she said she opened the envelope to look at it before giving it to my wife. I got annoyed and said that she shouldn’t have opened it, and that I didn’t tell her that she could open it, and I also didn’t tell her what I wrote so it could have been something private. It happened not to be, but it’s the principle of the thing.

She said that I’m over reacting and it’s not a big deal. AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your sister shouldn’t have opened it. It doesn’t matter if it was private or not - you don’t open other people’s mail, even if you’re the mailman, even if the mail is for family. ######


Prompt:
I have a trainwreck sister. She has one daughter who is 13. They live in a small house. My sister does not work and refuses to get a job. She's on welfare and I occasionally buy them groceries, She's fucked up from years and years of meth. My niece was turning into my sister 2.0 and was recently taken away and is now in foster care. Too many calls to the cops and CPS visits.

My sister is devastated. She's been crying and sunk into depression. Her daughter refuses to speak with her. The plan is for her to live with her (loser) father. I felt bad for my sister and dropped off some bagels and cream cheese. She spent about 20 minutes saying that she was a horrible mother, her daughter hates her, etc. I could tell she was waiting for me to assure her that it was untrue, but I didn't because it's true - my sister is a horrible mother and her daughter does hate her for good reason.

I finally couldn't hold it in any longer and asked her why she was even sad? Nothing good was ever going to come from her place and her daughter was clearly on the wrong path. Foster care is better than living in what she was living in.

I could tell that it hurt her, but I was keeping it real. ######

Response: NTA. Your sister needs to wake up and get her life together if she wants her daughter back. ######


Prompt: For context, this is on discord. I’m 18 and my little sister is 12. I recently came upon a server that she’s in, and found out that she had been telling people she was 17. That really didn’t sit right with me, especially considering she was talking to a boy who was 18. They keep flirting and it’s making me worry about her safety, putting herself out there like that when she’s so young. I’ve been thinking about messaging the staff of the server quietly and also telling the boy, but I don’t want to make it a public matter. The reason I’m making this post is that I’m worried that I’ll damage her friendships with people and/or my own relationship with her. I don’t know if this is the right course of action. WIBTA? ######

Response: NTA. your sister might not like you for it, but lying about her age (especially for someone as young as her) can be really dangerous. i think quietly telling the staff and the boy is your best bet. i’m sure that boy would feel incredibly uncomfortable finding out he was actually talking to a 12 year old. ######


Prompt:
Before you think I’m a horrible person, there is a reason. My cousin, Linda, has the most lovely 3-year old ever. I love her with all my heart and I miss them like crazy.

Linda lives about an hour away from me(26f) and my sisters (14, 23, 28, 29). Since all of this crazy mess happened, if a cousin had a birthday in the area we would all drive by their house, beep, and say Happy Birthday. The cousins we’ve done it with have been 9 and 15. Their parents reached out to us before hand that they would like us to come and do this.

Linda has not asked anyone to come to hers, probably distance being a reason. But Linda’s daughter has been having a hard time with not being able to play with others. She has a 6-month sister, and Linda has constantly been keeping the kids entertained. Linda’s mom and sister live right next door to them, but since her sister is an essential worker, they haven’t been able to go over and play.

Linda told me and my sisters about how said her daughter would get extremely upset when her sister and mom would say hi through the window. After they leave, she would need to be comforted because she would constantly ask “why doesn’t anyone want to play with me”.

When my oldest sister suggested we drive over there to say happy birthday from the car, I said we should ask Linda first. My sister said she would rather have it as a surprise. I kept insisting, saying that I don’t think it’s a good idea and let’s at least ask Linda because while it may be fun for the few minutes we are there, we are not the ones that have to console a sad 3-year old after we leave.

My sister got angry at me and uninvited me to go. I understand that they want to do something nice (Linda’s husband actually put together a video of family singing happy birthday for her along with a special message from a princess) but not at the cost of causing more harm than good. I at the very least would like Linda to know so she can decide if her child can handle it.

So AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your sister knows Linda doesn't want this but is still pressuring everyone to do it? Big yikes. ######


Prompt:
Hi! Second time posting here.

Okay so basically– I really really dislike taking photos or videos of myself, and I hate it when others do that too. It might just be an insecurity issue. I just don't feel comfortable when people do it, but even though I tell others that often, I still get dragged in for photos very now and then.

My sister’s a streamer on Facebook. She’s not  INSANELY popular or famous but she definitely has a sort of big following.

A few hours ago she decided to take videos of me and uploaded it onto her Instagram story where her fans could see it. I didn't notice that she did that until she told me about it, and obviously I grew kind of irritated.

I've told her multiple times that I really just don't like when others take pictures of videos of me ( or call me cute, because it makes me uncomfortable ) but she continues to do it anyways. When I told her I really didn't appreciate that and showed that I was kinda annoyed, she teased me ( which she does, a lot, because she says she loves to annoy me ) and laughed, before asking me if I was going to cry about it (for some reason whenever I get annoyed she always asks me if I'm going to cry about it. I guess it's because she thinks I'm a crybaby?)

I feel like I was kind of being a jerk when I got pissed off. After that I sort of thought and felt like I was overreacting because it's just a short video, and there was nothing for me to get mad about but I dunno. ######

Response: NTA. Your sister isn't respecting how you feel about the situation. I second contacting Facebook about getting it taken down. ######


Prompt:
Thieving sister

So my sister (15) has been buying stuff off of our grandmas debit card. I told my mom multiple times to get my grandmas card number change because my sister has the information written down somewhere. She doesn’t change the card, and my sister buys $100 ring as a gift for her girlfriend, which she has shipped to our house. I grabbed the package and told my grandma I’d ship the ring back and get her her money back but my mom and dad just want to let my sister have the ring and pay her back over time... am I the asshole for being pissed at my parents for not taking action on this or am I overreacting? ######

Response: NTA. Your sister is stealing from your grandma and no one is doing anything about it? Bring this up to your grandmother, and then you both should take this to the police. ######


Prompt:
My older sister and I share the house we grew up in as part of our inheritance. To keep this as concise as possible, my sister’s boyfriend and I absolutely do not get along. I genuinely do not think he’s a good person and have no problem going out of my way to avoid him. My sister is well aware of the fact that we don’t like each other, but is constantly setting up scenarios for us to get together and hash out our differences.

Although I don’t like him, I don’t care if she brings him over as long as she lets me know when he’s coming, which she normally does. I got off work yesterday and found him in the living room, and when I asked how he got in he said he used a spare key. To my knowledge we don’t have a spare, just the two keys that both my sister and I have, but I shrugged it off and went to my room. When my sister came home, I asked when we got a spare key and she said she copied her key and gave him one so he could come and go since he stays over often. I was furious, because this was never discussed with me. When they went to bed, I took the key off the ring and I have no plans on giving it back. She’s upset with me because she says that the house is just as much hers as it is mine and I don’t have the right to take things that “aren’t mine”. ######

Response: NTA. Your sister is right it is just as much her house. If this was a discussion about whether he can come over, I would be on your sister’s side. In this case, her giving him a key gives him access to your home and things 24/7 even when she’s not there. Giving someone a key should be a mutual decision between everyone that lives there. ######


Prompt:
Last night I (f15) was talking to my sister (f13) about how I've been looking to make some extra money lately because I've been wanting to buy a new phone and haven't been getting many shifts lately because of coronavirus.

I said to her that I wanted to sell a dress that I had brought online, because I didn't like it as much as I thought I would and saw it as an opportunity to make some money. She said that I shouldn't sell it and *give* it to her because she likes and would wear it (I have had this dress for a few months and only worn it once, but I have never heard her say anything about liking or wanting the dress). I told her that I would prefer to sell it and make money. She ended up saying that I care more about money than my family and that I'm being selfish.

I think that because I own the dress I should be able to say who I sell or give it to, even if it does come across as selfish. I feel like she is guilting me into giving her the dress and keeps bringing my parents financial situation into the argument, saying that she wants the dress so much that even if I did sell it she would go out and buy a similar one with my parents money knowing the would make me feel bad. I also know that had the situation had been reversed she would have not given the dress to me.

I feel like we're both probably right in some way, but it has become a huge fight and I just want to know if I'm being the asshole. ######

Response: NTA. Your sister is being a brat. Your dress, your decision. Tell her she can buy it from you if she wants it that much but otherwise I ay go for it. Nip that emotional blackmail right in the bud. ######


Prompt:
I work in a supply warehouse and was given the option to buy medical grade masks for personal use. The only restriction is that we were only allowed to buy 1 mask per person living in the same house as you.
I live with my parents, so that meant that I could buy 3 masks. I gave one mask to my dad (who is 65 years old, diabetic and still working full time) one mask to my sister (who works part time buying groceries/picking up prescriptions and provides household assistance for the elderly. She also has an asthmatic son and a diabetic daughter) and kept one mask for myself because I am working full time and have been the person going grocery shopping for our household.

When my mom found out that I didn't have a mask for her, she blew up. Yelling at me for being selfish because I didn't get her a mask. I explained about the limit on how many masks I could buy, and reasoned that since she was laid off and hadn't left the house in 3 weeks, she didn't need a mask. Also I would be able to purchase 3 more masks in 2 weeks, so I would be able to buy her one then.

My dad has sided with my mom, and said that since the limit was for each member of the household, then I shouldn't have given my mom's mask to my sister. ######

Response: NTA. Your sister is at far more risk and far more in need of a mask than your mom is. I would’ve done the same thing. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway account as my Family knows my Main.

My sister and I are around the same age. I (25F) and she (22) never really got along. From a young age it was clear that she was the favorite child. She got everything she asked for and more. I think it made her entitled and spoiled.

I am currently going to college, and live on my own in a small 2 room apartment. I won some money a while back and work besides studying, so I am pretty well of. I am not home most of time.

My sister and her kid still live with our parents. She doesn't go to work since she's a single mom. Now she decided she wants to go back to college ( which I genuinely support) in th ecity I live. It's a 5 hour drive from our parents hometown. She doesn't want to go to work, and does not want to hire a babysitter. The Father of the Child is still in the picture and offered to take my niece in. My sister refused and said she didn't want to be separated from her child.

Without ever asking me, my parents and sister decided that my sister and niece would move in with me, and I would cover all costs on my own. She is already enrolled in class. They also decided she and her kid would move into my bedroom and I would sleep on the couch. I was also supposed to watch my niece. I said no. My apartment is really small and even though I am well of, I can't comfortably support my sister and niece financially.

My parents, grandparents and other relatives all called me and screamed at me for not supporting my sister and niece. My sister is already enrolled in class. Cancelling would cost a lot of money. My parents want me to pay it, since I am the reason she can't attend classes. Since then, I muted my phone and cut off all contact from my Family. I talked with my Friends and they all called my the Asshole for not supporting my sister. Am I really TA? ######

Response: NTA. Your sister is an adult and it’s not your responsibility to assist them. ######


Prompt:
I’ll keep this short.

So my sister and BIL are having a baby. She’s 4 months along.

My sister has BPD and she’s been getting serious mood swings but still absolutely refuses to see any doctor/therapist about it. I’ve known my BIL for years (since college) and he’s told me recently how tough things have gotten with my sister.

The breaking point came last week when BIL texted me saying sister has started to throw things at him. He said he came home with take out but got the wrong sauce or side or whatever, next thing he knew she was flinging silverware at him. When he tried to leave she grabbed a heavy bowl threw it at his face (it missed but still).

I immediately offered a place for him to get away. He took me up on the offer and stayed for 1 night while we tried to get my sister professional help again. She made a surprising 180 over the next day after BIL left and started calling all our relatives/family saying I’m trying to intervene and destroy her marriage.

She told our family and relatives that I was now conspiring with her husband to leave her while she’s pregnant. BIL has gone back now but things are still dicey and I told him to call me if things get out of hand again.

Both my parents called me today to say I’m betraying family. After I told them of her recent unhinged actions they said if I really cared I would make sure BIL stays with my sister who’s the real vulnerable one, not give him an “easy out” from marriage. They also said it’s obvious I didn’t care about her wellbeing or else I would’ve taken HER in instead of him. It’s true I never offered to take her in.

AITA if I don’t do any of this and just let BIL stay with me when he feels like it? I can’t help but feel like no one takes my sister’s terrible actions seriously in my family and I know if I were in BIL’s shoes I would want a place where I can distance myself from all that. ######

Response:
 NTA. Your sister is abusing him. She could have seriously injured him if had been hit in the head, and this is just in regards to a situation he told you about.

BPD isn’t an excuse, nor is being pregnant; she needs to take responsibility for her actions and seek professional help.

Phrase it to your parents like this: the main issue is that she’s having violent outbursts. If she doesn’t do something to control it now, who’s to say that something potentially way more serious will happen when she’s responsible for a baby?

Your sister needs help, but not the kind your parents seem to want to give. ######


Prompt:
     I (19F) have two twin 3 year old sons that I gave birth to in highschool, two years before I met my fiancé. Their father (19M) is also heavily present in their life. For a little background, I am Sicilian and Greek, and their father is Korean. Safe to say, they look very not white.
     My fiancé, however, looks very white. Curly blonde hair, pale skin, blue eyes.
     Whenever me and my fiancé go out with them, no one assumes that he is the father, which has never bothered me, my fiancé, their father, or my boys. Even now, as I am in the last few weeks of our first pregnancy together, we haven’t had any problems with our family. My fiancé and his parents are ecstatic for our baby girl, and so are my boys and their father. The only person it does bother is his older sister.
     Three days ago, while we were setting up the nursery in our apartment, his sister began talking about how I was not fit to be a good mother, and all the “complications” that would come from her being raised by a “dirty white”
mother and surrounded by “halfling brats”; along with how she wanted nothing to do with my sons lives, only our daughters because she needed “actual guidance”.
     Of course, I went mental. I told her to get out of our apartment and how she could return her bridesmaids dress at her nearest convenience.
     My husband says I went too hard on her, and how she is just overprotective of him. I explained that she was blatantly disrespectful to me and our sons, and how I wasn’t going to tolerate it. He attempted to compromise and told me I needed to apologize, even if I don’t forgive her.
     AITA for refusing to apologize, or let her back in the wedding party? ######

Response: NTA. Your sister in law needs to know/learn that racism is not ok, and you fiance should not excuse it. ######


Prompt:
I'm 13, my sister is 23. We have a great relationship and I'm even kool with her boyfriend.

Last week I was supposed to spend at her place, as we hadn't seen each other during the lockdown. Her bf would be there 3 times (they don't live together).

It was all good till their "night activities" woke me up in the middle of the night. Her flat is large and out bedrooms are at the opposite ends of the hall. So that meant they were loud.

I hoped it'd end soon, but they were in for a ride. I tried headphones with music, I didn't hear them, but couldn't sleep with loud music blasting. I didn't say anything as it was their first night and thought they'd tire each other out.

Well, same thing next night. I was knackered the morning after, plus I learned the boyfriend would probably come around more than 3 times.

At the point I started to ponder getting back to my parents, as I have insomnia and it could mess my entire sleep schedule.

I told my sister I forgot helping my friend with chemistry and my mum picked me up.

She couldn't wrap her head around and constantly asked me. She probably knew I was lying as we know each other well. She asked me if she had done something wrong, I told her no and we'd do the same thing next month (her boyfriend would be abroad), but she wasn't having it.

Eventually I told her, I couldn't sleep as I heard them shagging and she was shocked.

She even brough it up at our family dinner, which was super embarrassing, because I hadn't told my parents. And it looked like she was mad at me. My paretns didn't want dive in, but told her it'd be good if It could be arranged that I wouldn't sleep there when her bf did.

She got upset, calling me nosy and eventually left earlier. She's not replied to my messages or calls.

AITA for telling her the reason? ######

Response: NTA. Your sister has no right to be mad at YOU. You're 13!! She should NOT be having loud sex whilst you're there (nor anyone!). ######


Prompt:
My daughter (9F) recently got her period a few days ago, and my husband who was in the medical field thought it would be better if we both talked to her together.

We did the whole birds and bees talk, and that she shouldn’t feel uncomfortable asking dad to buy pads and tampons for her.

We wanted her to feel comfortable and get used to it.

Dad did the explaining while I went out with my daughter to go buy her pads and teach her how to use them.

Both of us thought this was okay, and our daughter seemed completely fine with it.

She never seemed to be uncomfortable, and seemed genuinely kind of relieved.

I was talking to my sister the other day though, and she blew up at me. Telling me dads shouldn’t be the ones teaching this. I shouldn’t have told him, and it was my responsibility alone.

My sister told me it was an invasion of my daughters privacy, and most of my immediate family agrees with her.

I’ve never thought of periods as something other than something that happens biologically.

On one hand, at least my daughter learned, and has a supportive dad. On the other maybe it was wrong of me to bring dad into this. ######

Response: NTA. Your sister has an outdated and frankly damaging view of things. My guess is that your daughter was totally okay with it because she was raised by parents who don't see any part of anatomy or biology as taboo or off-limits, and that is a very good, healthy thing which she will hopefully carry forward in her own future family (if she chooses to have one). No one should feel like there is anything gross or wrong or taboo about their body or that they can't discuss things with either/both parents. I hope I've raised my sons to be dads like your husband is, and I hope they find partners like you who are open to them being involved. ######


Prompt:
Me [19M] and my sister [19F] had some big problems a year ago. She started acting really creepy towards me. She walked in on me while I was showering a couple of times. Then one morning I woke up to her naked in my bed, spooning and humping me, while her hand was on my penis. Our parents refused to believe me for a while until she admitted to it. She got therapy and cut out the behavior. It was obviously very uncomfortable and traumatic for me. I had tried to move on from it as my sister was acting better.

Anyway recently I caught my sister on my phone. After I got it back, I used my computer to see that she had sent and deleted pictures to herself from my phone. The pictures were nudes of myself. I was so shocked and upset that she would do something like that again after everything.

I wanted to delete the pictures off her phone but she has a password. So I called her girlfriend (they have been together for 6 months) and asked if she knew. I broke down and explained everything. She was shocked obviously. I deleted the pictures. Her gf is the only person to believe me and truly support me about it actually.

Anyway her gf broke up with her citing what I told her. My parents are furious at me for sharing this personal information with someone outside the family saying it could ruin my sister. They say I could destroy all the progress she has made. ######

Response:
 NTA. Your sister fucked up and you did her ex a solid by telling her information she needed to know if she was going to be in a relationship with her

I’d recommend counselling, for everyone, and distancing yourself from your family would probably be for the best, if you can ######


Prompt:
A bit of back story: About a month ago me and my friends were out and while my friend was driving he spun out his car and we got pulled over.  I didn't know at the time but the fucker at a wax pen on him, we all got sent to a holding cell for our parents.  They let me and my buddy off light cause we had no idea and we were just passengers to the whole thing.  But my buddy got his license revoked and is practically grounded till senior year (we are sophomores).  Word got around about the wax pen and EVERYONE at my school knew about it.  As for my sister, she is a year older than me and our parent's go on trips for their anniversary and she and a couple of her friends did a couple lines of cocaine.  I didn't find out till I overheard them in the kitchen and she made me promise not to tell.

My sister has teased me constantly over this wax pen, I don't even like smoking weed and I didn't even know he had it.  I get called a "stoner" and all sorts of things, and whenever m in my room she bangs on the door saying that I'm smoking in there, its annoying as hell.

At dinner we got into a little argument over something I don't even remember but she said something like "I bet you want to go smoke a big fat fucking joint huh?  You drug addicted loser".  I had enough of her calling me a stoner or whatever when SHE was the one who actually has done drugs.  (this is where I might be TA) I said "Oh yeah?  At least I didn't do this"  and then did the hand motions for snorting coke.  Mom and dad were in the living room so they didn't see it.  She called me and AH and went to her room without even finishing dinner.

Apparently our brother who's 2 years younger than me knew what I was doing and told on her.  She got grounded and my sister is PISSED at me, I don't feel like I did anything wrong cause I wasn't the one who snitched and she was constantly provoking me.  AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your sister forget the rule about people in glasshouses throwing stones.

She played herself here. ######


Prompt:
My girlfriend and I were doing long distance, so we didn’t get to see each other often. When everything was shutting down both our employers made it so we could work online. We thought this would be a good opportunity to get some quality time with each other. So I went to stay with her.

My sister found out recently and has asked if she and her daughter can stay at my place for the time being.

My sister and her daughter currently live with our parents and our younger sibling. Our parents are a bit pushy and very strict about keeping things tidy. My sister says it wasn’t so bad before, but after being stuck at home with them they are driving her completely crazy because they are getting on her about her parenting (niece she a bit ill mannered for her age). So she needs some space away from them.

My mom has since confirmed they are not getting along right now.

To be honest though I just feel uncomfortable with them staying there without me. So many things could happen without me there. Especially with a little kid running around. I mean so many things could happen with me there too, but at least I would be there to quickly take care of anything that goes wrong. Not saying she definitely would, but she would be able also to go snooping through all my things and I don’t like the idea of that.

When I told her it wouldn’t be possible she said I was being a dick and a sucky brother since I should have offered it two months ago when I left to live with my girlfriend in the first place and knew she didn’t get along with our parents. ######

Response: NTA. Your sister doesn’t become magically entitled to your house just because she’s bickering with your mom. She needs to find her own place. ######


Prompt:
So I (16F) like to bake, I buy my own ingredients and make something every week or so. I share with my mom and sister (21F), and sometimes her friends if they're over. Its not like I can eat everything myself anyway. This happens every week ish, for the past year? Year and a half? For a while.

So I few days ago when I finished work (grocery store) I texted my sister to ask if there was any food, or if I needed to buy some. She told me there was food, so I went straight home.

When I came home there was no food, there was meat in the freezer but no time to defrost, no bread, no eggs, not much. Couldn't order food, since it was past 9 pm.

My sister had ordered two pizzas, so I asked if I could have a few slices, I offered to pay for them. She refused, she wanted to eat them for lunch the next day. I offered to pay for the whole pizza, so she could order a fresh one tomorrow for lunch, she refused again.

This wouldn't have been an issue if she told me there was no food, I would have bought something on my way home. But she apperently didn't check. I ate some plain rice with salt, it wasn't too bad. But I'm still annoyed she's been eating my baking all this time, and couldn't spare two slices of pizza. I even offered to pay, she doesn't pay for the baking, even though she makes much more than I do. She's been acting a bit entitled with the baking already, getting annoyed when I didn't make something she wanted or enough for her to take to her friends, so this was extra annoying.

So the next time I baked something and she came to grab some I told her no. I don't want to share. She got annoyed and told me I could have some pizza (which had been in the fridge for 3 days) if it's *such* a big deal. I refused again, I don't get much joy from cooking for her anymore.

My mom thinks it's petty, but doesn't want to get involved. My sister has been huffy about it. But I don't feel like I have to share at this point.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your sister could easily have shared with you and seems to have a pretty entitled attitude for an adult who earns more than you. You don't owe her what you've put your time, effort and money into. ######


Prompt:
So my girlfriend and I live together, and my sister is staying with me mostly against my will, because otherwise she would be homeless and I can’t really in good conscious do that.

My sister used to be bulimic and anorexic, she’s mostly better now. She still eats kind of slow but other than that seems fine.

Today my girlfriend was wearing this cute dress even though she can’t go anywhere so I told her she looked nice. We were in the kitchen and my sister was in the living room with the tv on, so in earshot but it shouldn’t have been all up in her face. I gave her(my girlfriend) a kiss and she complimented me, then I went on with my day and went back to work.

After dinner my sister told me that she rather I not compliment my girlfriend in front of her and said it makes her feel bad. I think this is pushing the envelope on what I’m willing to give in to body issues. When I was a teenager I had to eat in my room so she wouldn’t see me eating, and I had to never talk about weight, which while annoying was slightly understandable. But I’m not going to walk my girlfriend into our bedroom, compliment her, then walk back.

I told my sister that while I feel bad that it upsets her I’m not going to stop complimenting my girlfriend. If she has a problem with innocuous conversation she can stay in her bedroom. She got mad and said that I didn’t care about her body issues.

AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your sister cannot live her life always avoiding triggers. ######


Prompt:
So a little bit of context; I (14M) live in NYC and have 2 siblings: my sister (23F) and my brother (8M).  We live in a brownstone where my parents have the biggest bedroom, I have the second largest, my brother has the third largest, and the other 2 bedrooms function as guest bedrooms.  My sister lives in a college dorm, and only spends breaks at home.

So until my sister went to college she lived in the second biggest bedroom (where I currently stay in), I stayed in the third largest (where my little brother currently lives in), etc.  However, once she went to college we all 'moved up a bedroom'' I guess, and now when she visits she usually stays in one of the guest bedrooms.  One thing to note is that my bedroom is quite a bit bigger than the guest room.

Until now there's never been a problem with that arrangement.  Recently though my sister had to come home due to current events, and it looks like she's going to stay until summer break ends.  In light of this she wants her old bedroom back.

My parents agree with her, and say since she's "older" she should have more space, and I ought to be more understanding and whatnot.

I absolutely refuse.  All my stuff are in this room, I've stayed here for the past 5 years, and frankly, IDGAF that this was originally her bedroom.  However, my parents are basically making me, and in reality there's not much I can do about it.  So reddit, for my peace of mind, AITA for not wanting to give up my bedroom for my older sister? ######

Response: NTA. Your sister can stay in the damn guest room. ######


Prompt:
I was with my former spouse for many many years. Turns out he was unfaithful to me for almost every one of those years. He ended up confessing he was in love with my sister and wanted to be with her as well. At first I was crushed and dumbfounded. I felt powerless to stop the situation.  Eventually I left my spouse. I tried seeing other people just to have another family member of mine manipulate me with the guy I was seeing at the time and they got together behind my back. He dumped me and kicked me out of the room we shared.

I didn't stop trying to see people.. but I kept it more casual, less commital. That was until I met my current bf of almost a year now. I decided that he made me happy and recently decided to move. My sister claims I abandoned her, my ex spouse and their kids. AITA for moving on with my life ? ######

Response: NTA. Your sister and ex husband are diseased worm ridden AH though. She should have thought about the consequences of her actions before spreading her legs for her sister's husband if she didn't want to feel abandoned. And that disgusting nematode ex husband is no better. As it stands now, she can shove her opinions where the sun don't shine. You're NTA. You've had awful taste in men so far but still NTA. ######


Prompt:
My sister in law has a horrible habit of making impulsive decisions at the drop of a hat, usually requiring my wife to get her out of situations and pick up the pieces.
She also has a habit of adopting animals just because they look cute and giving them away as soon as they grow up, or prove too much to handle.

Recently, somehow, someway, she managed to obtain a fox. A fox that's barely older than a baby.

Foxes are illegal to own where we live, even with a permit, and she knows this. I don't know alot about foxes, but I do know that they are very high maintenance and hard to take care of, plus my sister in law has a tendency to neglect the animals, which often leads to call a regarding the welfare of the animals.

I texted her shortly after I found about, saying that foxes were illegal to own, but to not let him out because he probably couldn't defend or hunt. She replied that she knew perfectly well what she was doing (spoiler alert! she didn't) and to mind my own business.

I brought up animal control to my wife, but she flat out refused. She said that she'd never forgive me if I called them.

But I was concerned for the Fox and, in the end, called animals control, who took away the fox, gave my sister in law a fine (17,000) and now she's facing jail time. She's furious, and so is my wife, who is now refusing to talk to me, even though it's been a week since the whole ordeal.

An input? ######

Response: NTA. Your SIL is an asshole and so is your wife for enabling her. ######


Prompt: To preface my father passed away about 2 months ago. I was incredibly close with him, I moved states away from my mother to rebuild a relationship with him after their divorce. I went through all of high school living with him and lived a city away throughout college. He was my biggest supporter. So I (23M) am having to go through all the processes of insurance and retirement my father had set up in his name. He had 2 policies with one life insurance company that had me and my 2 siblings, so it was all split evenly between us 3. But he also had another where I was the sole beneficiary, as well as the sole beneficiary of his retirement. My siblings had never really been close to my dad. My sister hadn't spoken to him or seen since last June. My brother who is a habitual liar and kind of shitty person, only really saw him on occasions. And most times it was when he needed something. Thought out my childhood they were never present they had both ran away numerous times. Sometimes we wouldnt see them for a year or more. But my dad always helped even if it costed him loads of money. This is where my dilemma comes into play. My mom is telling me that my dad left the rest of it in my name for a reason, and not to go against his wishes by giving them any. Would I be an asshole if I didn't? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your siblings will probably disagree (of course) but you earned that with your extra care and love you showed him. If the cats not already out of the bag I’d keep quiet about the extra inheritance you received just to save drama. But if they already know just stand your ground, as an adult you made the effort to respect your father, they did not. Your mom supports that as well despite any guilt you may feel, he did give it to YOU as a reason.

And also, I am sorry for your loss. ######


Prompt: My sister is special needs and autistic (I'll call her Rose) and I love her dearly and do everything I can to help her while I still live at home. My sister is pretty well-functioning but not enough to be on her own because she'll never remember to eat, drink fluids, chores or any basic hygiene she may need. Now my mother always told me that she never wanted her in a home or group home if something were to happen to her. My sister's dad wants nothing to do with her on account of her disability. We're all still pretty young now and I don't have to worry about this for awhile because our mom is still young but if something we're to happen to her she has it in her will for me to take care of the rest of my siblings and to make their choices until they are of age. My other sibling's dads could take them in but for Rose her dad doesn't want her and he'll only take in my brother and my younger sister has her dad. If the time comes when we are older I don't know what to do for her. My boyfriend and I have talked and said he'll be fine if she lived with us for awhile but I'm scared something will happen to her because I don't have the time to attend to her health like I do now. So AITA for being not wanting to take her in when I'm older because I can't give her what she may need? ######

Response:
 NTA. Your sibling is not property, she can’t be willed to someone.

You didn’t say how old you are, but at some point you will need to have a frank, adult conversation with your mother about accessing resources to care for your sister as you cannot and should not be expected to take on that responsibility in lieu of living your own life. ######


Prompt:
My sibling has a small dog that they want to register an an emotional support animal (ESA) by using this website that states it is a legitimate site for registering your pet as an ESA. I had made a comment saying that if they wanted to do that, they needed to do it properly and get approval from a therapist as most websites like that are total scams and just end up with people printing off a piece of paper to ‘certify’ they have an ESA.

They got upset and continued to argue it was a legitimate website. I then asked why they wanted the certification as I hadn’t known they were struggling with any mental health issues (I was genuinely curious). Here’s where I got mad. They said they only want the dog certified so it can fly on planes without being in a cage!!!

As someone who has a mental illness and is in therapy for it and struggles everyday, I found that offensive in a way. They were abusing a system created to help those with legit illnesses just so their dog could fly in their lap. I told them that wasn’t a smart idea and it took away from legitimate ESAs and just perpetuated the problem of falsified ESAs and service dogs. They got upset and said it was fine because everyone else does it and they don’t want the dog to be in a carrier for hours on a flight. I continued to explain why that wasn’t smart and was bad for the people who really need these type of certifications. My parent stepped in and agreed with my sibling as well saying that they weren’t directly harming anyone. I just left the conversation and it hasn’t been brought up since but I know they still plan on doing that anyways.

AITA here? ######

Response: NTA. Your sibling is abusing the system. My mother in law is blind. People like your sibling make things more difficult for people who actually need to have a dog with them for legitimate purposes. ######


Prompt: I'm 16 and my mom and I don't have the greatest relationship, but it's not exactly bad. We are just very on and off. However, recently we've been trying to work more as a team and be more open with each other. Well, it's currently Thursday and I had an online therapy session on Tuesday. My therapist and I were having a conversation about sex so that she can understand if I exhibit sexually deviant behavior ( I don't lol). She asked me if I had been sexually active. I was honest and said yes ( An important thing to note: I have a boyfriend and our relationship is incredibly strong. We've been dating for just under a year and we talk to each other about everything. So neither of us ever do anything we're not comfortable with). Being 16, I can legally decide to not have a parent/ guardian present at my session. I chose not to have my mom there, as it was an incredibly private session. Right about the time the therapist had asked the question, my mom came into my room to borrow a shirt and she heard all of it. After my session, I went to talk to her and she was a mixture of shocked, angry, and idk what else. She kept saying that I was too young and shouldn't be doing it. I then started to get frustrated because I feel that it's MY relationship and I can do whatever I'm comfortable with. I kind of started to feel bad for not telling her, but she also shouldn't have walked in on MY therapy session. I'm not particularly mad at her, but I'm frustrated that she's getting mad at me over my private information. So, lay it on me Reddit. AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your sexual activities aren’t the business of your mother. You get to decide what information you share in regards to your relationships and what you do with your own body. The fact that she came into your room while you were engaged in a therapy session shows a total lack of respect for your privacy. ######


Prompt:
First post on this sub, basically, I was set a 1500 word essay by school amidst the lockdown, a task set to me. We'll call dad P. P got sent the email (aswell as me) so as to make sure that the assignment got through to me. P asks what project I am doing, and I tried to explain that I wanted to make all choices myself, as I wanted to write about male mental health, a very personal issue to me, and a problem in my school. I finished my essay, and I am very proud of it, and ready to submit. P is now insisting that I show him my work before submitting, and when I asked why, he replied that he is a key role in my life and helps me all through school. P has not been supportive of me, and has rarely made the effort to help when I needed it. In my essay I criticised the lack of parental and school support for men with mental health issues, and I know this isn't a worldwide case, just in my area etc, I did not name specifics I just knew if he was to see it he would get angry, and force me to change it. He is now threatening to not let me go to the school that I chose, it's a free school, so no expense to him, but he said that due to my awful attitude of not showing him my work, he wants me to go to a school which is closer by, and more tightly run. P has said that if I dont show him my work, he will not hesitate to start punishing me. AITA for not sharing?

TL;DR not showing my dad my personal work, dad threatens with all sort of punishment ######

Response: NTA. Your school work is your business. He has no right to DEMAND to see it ######


Prompt:
I (21F) was on the phone with my grandma and she was telling me how she has a weasel/ferret animal holed up in her stable, and she needs to call an exterminator.

She lives in a different country and we were speaking a different language. The world for the animal doesn’t have a direct translation, but it sounds like “co*n”.

I asked her,(not in English) “So when do you think the extermination will come for the *koona*” (that’s roughly how the word is pronounced.

I was in my room but I went out to the kitchen to make tea when I said that sentenced. My English speaking roommate looked at me funny but I didn’t think much of it.

I went back out and she said, “You shouldn’t say slurs like that. It’s not your word to say and I thought you knew better.”

I look at her, still very lost. “What are you talking about? I wasn’t even speaking English, you don’t even know what I said.”

She explained what she thought I said, and told me it’s very insensitive that I throw that word around.

So I tell her, “I didn’t say that word. What I said was weasel. Why would I randomly switch to English and say a racial slur to my grandma?”

She doesn’t let up, and proceeds to call me insensitive and that I need to learn to be more politically correct.

I tell her, “Just because words sound similar, it doesn’t mean I said what you think. My word, which means weasel, also has a different ending. Can we drop this conversation?”

She doesn’t say anything else and we both went to our separate rooms. AITA for how I handled it? ######

Response: NTA. Your roommate is an idiot trying to be woke. In English someone would have thought you meant calling an exterminator for a raccoon if you said coon after you explained yourself. Ignore your roommate. That’s utterly ridiculous she even made the assumption of what you were talking about in your language. ######


Prompt: AITA - I live in a rental house that the owners used to live in before moving so it's pretty nice. There is an in-ground pool that has a heat function, but because of electricity cost my roommate and I rarely use it. I normally swim year around at my gym, but due to the current situation I have started swimming at home using the heat pump. When I told my roommate that I wanted to start using the heat pump he complained about cost and I agreed to pay for any increases to the electrical bill (based on the average of this month last year). Since then he has been swimming every day. I told him if he was going to swim then we needed to split the bill evenly. He refused saying that whether he swims or not I would be using the pump and heating the pool and that I agreed to pay for it. I think if he's getting benefit from it, he should contribute. I'm tempted to just turn the heat off, but swimming is such a good low-impact exercise that I've relied on since injuring my knee last year. ######

Response: NTA. Your roommate is a real wank but you’d be shooting yourself in the foot by shutting the heat off. Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. ######


Prompt:
First time ever writing in!
Background:
I rent a room in a house shared by 4 people. We’re all college students and didn’t know each other prior to renting(we each pay rent to the landlord separately.) I’ve lived here for a little over 2 years now and have definitely become friends with my roommates. Last year, one of them decided to get a cat. We were all fine with it and the landlord didn’t care, so she adopted a sweet little guy from the humane society.
I’ve never been a huge cat-person, but sometimes I’d feed/play with him if she wanted to leave for a few days. We all have a friendly relationship, but I wouldn’t say we’re close. Also relevant, I love plants and have quite a collection of beautiful house plants. When she got the cat, I moved them all to my room and make sure to keep my doors closed because some of them are toxic to animals.

On to the story:
A few days ago, I went to work-I’m a receptionist at a medical office and am the only one in my house that still physically has to go to work every day. When I came home, the entire house was in a state of panic. One of my other roommates had gone into my room to borrow a pair of scissors and accidentally left my door open. At some point, the cat walked into my room, chewed on my pothos and got really sick. He was taken to the vet and is currently recovering and is doing just fine.

My roommate now wants to charge me for the vet bill because my plants made her cat sick. Although yes, I did know that they were toxic to animals, I’ve had some of these plants for years and wasn’t going to get rid of them because she wanted to bring a cat into our home. I told her that it’s unreasonable to blame me for HER pet going into MY room. I took precautions by always closing my door.

I told her that if she wanted to blame anyone, it should be our other roommate who left the door open.
Now she’s mad at me for ‘getting her cat sick’ and my roommate is mad at me for blaming them. AITA? ######

Response: NTA. Your roommate got the cat knowing you already owned toxic house plants. You did the right thing and moved them into your room away from the cat. Is the cat is solely hers even though you all take part in playing/minimal care? If so, she (because it is her cat) should split the bill with your other roommate who left the door open. If you were hoping to keep the peace, I'd offer to get a lock for the door but I would not pay that bill. Good luck! ######