Prompt:
I’m immunosuppressed, and my wife is in the hospital for a few days. I’ve been texting her but we decided it was better if I didn’t go in to see her to limit my exposure chances to covid. I’ve been texting her, but I drew her a picture that I wanted to send and I wrote a note to go along with it. My sister works as a nurse at the hospital, so I asked her if she could take it in for her when she gets a chance.

She took it in yesterday, and then she texted me that what I wrote was sweet and that the drawing was good. I asked how she knew and she said she opened the envelope to look at it before giving it to my wife. I got annoyed and said that she shouldn’t have opened it, and that I didn’t tell her that she could open it, and I also didn’t tell her what I wrote so it could have been something private. It happened not to be, but it’s the principle of the thing.

She said that I’m over reacting and it’s not a big deal. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your sister invaded your privacy.

I guess in the future, you'll be sealing envelopes. Really not much more here honestly, unless you want to go old school and get yourself some wax and signet wring or stamp. ######


Prompt:
My sister and her H are very into kinky sex (I’m not and admittedly don’t know a lot about it) but my sister tells me about it a LOT so I feel like I’ve learned a decent amount. From what I can tell, sharing details with other people is part of the excitement for her. Basically he has a cuckolding fetish where he likes to watch other men having sex with my sister, then after he (excuse the TMI) sucks the other guys semen out of my sister. I’m also a woman btw, I’m guessing she wouldn’t tell me all this if I weren’t...but who knows.

So anyway I recently came across this book on Amazon about “hotwifing” and I linked it to her, saying “since Steve is a cuck I assume he’d get a kick out of this.” No response...odd. I thought maybe I misunderstood the books premise but whatever.

Then I get a response in EMAIL later, with Steve CCed, saying that it’s unacceptable for me to call him “the C word” because that’s a name only those in the cuckold community can use for each other, and that unless I personally plan to cuck Steve (theyre not asking me to, obviously) that I can’t call him a cuck. She said that from now on any communications about Steve have to be said with him on the thread and I need to apologize for the slur.

This feels...extra, I mean...a slur to me is related to race/gender but not a kink that someone chooses. She stopped short of saying this is the N word for the hotwifing community but did say she would liken it to the F word (the homophobic one.)

I didn’t apologize the way she wanted...I said I’m sorry I said it, but this new policy of cc’ing Steve is super weird and I’m worried it might Also be a kink? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your sister did massive TMI and is possibly involving you in their kink without giving you the proper info or allowing you to give proper consent. I would email both of them and say you are no longer comfortable talking about their sex lives so your sister is to stop sharing details of it with you. Your sister and BIL appear to be from the annoying part of the kink community, they will only improve when someone from the community teaches them better and that is not your job. If your sister brings it up either tell her to stop, change the subject, or walk away. If they are actual jerks they will say you are kink shaming them and probably call you a bigot, this will confirm they are jerks and contact should go to a minimum. ######


Prompt:
My grandfather is religiously Slavic/Norse, and I've been as well for a few years under his look. None of my family members go to church, read the Bible, anything Christian. I always assumed that they knew about what I was and as such I never directly told them I was Slavic.
Recently, I got a package that contained Slavic/Norse relics (see my account if you're interested). It also came with instructions on how to claim them all, basically just involving giving my blood as a gift to Odin. It's nothing bad, we're talking a few pricks at max. I, obviously, agree. I ask my mother if I would be able to buy what I needed, and upon being asked why I told her. I'm now being blown up from all parts of my family because "this is a Christian household and you can't just change your religion." My grandfather obviously sides with me, but the rest of my family considers me TA for not discussing my religion with my family.
What's your verdict?

If it's needed, I am a minor, my aunt is also Slavic/Norse, and my grandfather has been for 2 decades. We don't follow anything strict to the book, hence why I say Slavic/Norse, but we are definitely far from Christian. ######

Response:
 NTA

Your religion, your choice. Although I am skeptical of anything involving blood...

Just be careful safety-wise with any blood stuff or sharp objects and you're NTA ######


Prompt:
We dated for 2 years, I got pregnant, and he said he wasn't ready to be a dad and left us. He came back when she was about a year old and apologised, stuck around for about 6 months, and then left again. She's now 4 and he wants back in her life.

I've said that's not happening unless we have a custody agreement. I know I can't make him show up or use his time, but he's not even on the birth certificate because he wasn't there to sign it and avoided signing it the first time he came back. If we had a custody agreement, if he took anything less than 50/50 custody he'd have to pay child support, and he says he can't afford to take any custody or pay any support, he can only afford to see her when she's at my place without going on the certificate.

I've said no. I want him on the certificate, I want a custody agreement, and anything less, to me at least, is showing a lack of commitment to our daughter. I don't want her hurt. She's 4 years old, last time he ducked out on her she was less than 2 and only saw him once a month, but if he sticks around for 6 months again and then leaves she will notice this time.

Since I said it, my ex and his new girlfriend have sent me messages. Nothing that bad, just asking me to reconsider, but there was one point where my ex called me a "bitch" and another where the girlfriend said "\[ex\] told me you'd be unreasonable. guess he was right".

I asked mum what she thinks, and she says I should let my ex see our daughter without the agreement and try again to get an agreement in a year or so, because it would be worse if my ex got custody but our daughter didn't like him or something.

AITA for wanting the agreement before my ex sees her? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your priority is your daughter. He doesn’t get to be a dad only when he feels like it. A month here. A month there. Maybe six months and he’s gone for two years again.

You’re right. She’s old enough now that she will notice if and when her dad is around. She’s also old enough to have memories of him popping in and out as he feels like it.

He either wants a relationship with his daughter or he doesn’t. There is no in between. ######


Prompt:
My younger brother doesn't do any of his chores properly. Parents asked him to do the dishes: there were plates in the cabinet with dried on food. They asked him to vacuum: he would just kind of push it in one path, one direction and left all kids of weird track patterns. They asked him to mow the lawn: he purposely broke the mower. When they gave him a manual push mower: he did it like with the vacuum.

Parents do some of the stuff but even I have to clean up after him. Parents say "we cleaned up after you, it's no different than that".

Yesterday this shift happened again and I refused to clean up. My Dad joked about how apparently learning to clean up after somebody else even when it shouldn't be your job is good experience to have before entering the workforce. Bruh wtf. My parents had to get the work done.

AITA for refusing to do chores? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your parents should realise by now that your brother is taking them for a ride. He half arses his chores so they wont ask him often. Your parents should be making sure he does the chores correctly.

I think you should just do your bits, without having to clean up after your brother. ######


Prompt:
My older sister has autism and my parents have made me her caretaker since I was around 7th grade. We were made to go to the same classes in school except language class where I chose Chinese and she chose Japanese. When younger my sister did not have any friends outside our friend circle but me so she’s very close and dependent on me to help her make friends and socialize. To this day she still wants me to answer her questions for her sometimes because she does not want to talk to some people.

I understand that my parents loves both of us but cares more about my sister. She is not independent neither was raised to be someone to care for herself. One of the reasons why I dislike my parent’s way of raising us. Finally I told them this is too much for me because I have my own life to live and I can’t take care of her if I’m not self-reliant. I told them if I can’t swim and you expect me to help another person drowning we’d both drown.

Their response was “You’re being selfish, you only think about yourself.”

AITA for telling them I have to take care of myself first before caring for her? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your parents should have been called out when they started placing you and your sister in the same classes. I'm surprised the school allowed them to do that.

Your sister is not your burden in life. Go make your own way and offer her only the support you can give. ######


Prompt:
So my Mum and Dad moved about 5 hours away from me a few years ago to go and live by the sea.

Recently with everything going on they’ve started making plans for what they’re planning when they’re no longer with us.
So the other night my mum FaceTimed me because she’s been planning all this stuff and asked me if something happened would I look after my 10 year old brother, I said of course I would I’d be more than happy to have him come live with me.

As a background I’m 25, married with a two year old son, we live close to my in laws because to be honest they’re brilliant, when we’re at work they look after him to save us on childcare fees and generally help us with a lot of other stuff.

Well this didn’t go down well at all, my mum instantly shot me down saying no I would have to move to their house and live there to make it easier on my brother.
I said I understand that but it’s not possible, my job and support structure is here I can’t just uproot my life if something did happen.

My mum started getting really angry saying she knew I wouldn’t help them and that they would agree with my younger brother (22) to look after my little brother but not to expect anything from them when they die because I won’t deserve it.

I shot back with that’s totally fine by me, if it comes with strings I don’t want or need anything from them. My mum then hung up on me.

Now they’re not talking to me at all, all I’ve had is a message from my dad saying that they’re both extremely disappointed that I couldn’t put my little brother first.

A couple of friends I’ve told this to have said I’m in the wrong because I’m not willing to help as much as I can and how much this would impact my brothers but I’m still pretty resolute I’ve done nothing wrong.

So Reddit AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your parents have every right to choose a guardian that will live in their house if that's what they want. You have every right to refuse to move to another location to become his guardian.

Your parents (and friends from the sounds of things) are TA because they don't have the right to try and guilt you for being unwilling to quit your job and move to care for your lil bro. You're not saying to kick your brother out on the street - he could come live with you. ######


Prompt:
Posting from mobile so please excuse formatting.

My dog has multiple health issues, specifically hypertension and an autoimmune disease in one eye. Daily, she needs to receive a pill in the morning and four drops, two in the morning and two at night. She has gotten used to the drops and pills and doesn't fight you, just dislikes it.

For the past two months, I have been administrating my dogs drops in the morning. My parents said they'd handle the pills and nightly drops. Two weeks ago I mentioned the pills and found out my dad wasn't giving them to her. I talked to him and so far he's been better.

For the past two weeks, I've found the drop containers in the same place I leave them every morning. I've told my parents this multiple times and they always have an excuse. Yesterday, I told my mom how annoyed I was and she said she'd set alarms and give drops every night.

This morning I came downstairs to find the drops where I left them. My mom said "Hey, how are you?" And I said "I'm disappointed that even after our conversation yesterday you still couldn't be bothered to give the dog her drops." My mom blew up at me, cited the 'I am the parent and you are the child' and, as always, had numerous issues that prevented her from giving drops yesterday.

She tried to relate it to me not taking out the garbage. We didn't have a long conversation about the garbage.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your parents are deflecting blame. They just don't wanna do it. ######


Prompt:
Hi- I have a sister who is a few years older than me, and has wanted kids since she was a kid.  She wants a small litter of them and is a primary school teacher, and I think one day she will make a great mum.

I, on the other hand, do not like kids. Full stop. I never want to be pregnant, I don't find baby videos cute, and if I were to ever have kids I'd hope to foster and look after older kids to help give them a loving supportive home. I was always told when I was younger that when my aunt fell pregnant I'd love my baby cousin, and even though I 1000% love her so much, I never found her to be cute as a kid and it took until she was about 8 for me to feel like I could try to connect to her. Basically- kids and i don't super mix, regardless of relation.

This is connected to a wee while ago when I was talking to my sister and she was talking about wanting kids and I said to her that I was not going to babysit her kids at least until they were potty-trained.

I said this as a flippant comment, whilst my sister reacted like I'd told her I was going to sacrifice her future babies to satan when they were born.

AITA for not wanting to deal with up to four tiny screaming drooling sticky kids, even though they're going to be related? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your not obligated to be a babysitter ######


Prompt:
So my brother just had a baby a month and a half ago with his wife and due to coronavirus we haven't been able to see her until recently.

My mother (62) has been looking forward to meeting her and since the baby has been here with us now for a few days along with my brother and his wife, she has been very helpful with her, and loves bonding with her granddaughter. I have zero issue with this, I think it's absolutely lovely.

Here is where I might be the A.
My mom offered to have the baby sleep with her and my dad during the night. Brother and wife said ok, if they want and that was that, but I, after seeing how they placed her voiced my concerns about it being dangerous for the baby. She sleeps between my mom who is a pretty wide framed lady and my dad. They have conjoined mattresses and there is a gap between the two mattresses where the baby ends up having her head when they fall asleep. She also has her little feet somewhere by/under my moms body and I'm afraid that she might squish her.

I told my mom that I'm worried about the safety of the baby but she says it's a womans instinct to not lay on the baby during sleep. I'm just concerned because she is getting older and is becoming more of a deep sleeper that something bad might happen, but they say I'm too nitpicky and give me angry looks if I say I think something isn't safe.

So, am I the asshole? Do I need to but out? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your niece is 6 weeks old. A baby that tiny shouldn’t be bed sharing in the manner they have her. The gap between the mattresses is dangerous. Also there’s a risk of suffocation.

I’d voice concern again, this time to the new parents. ######


Prompt: To preface my father passed away about 2 months ago. I was incredibly close with him, I moved states away from my mother to rebuild a relationship with him after their divorce. I went through all of high school living with him and lived a city away throughout college. He was my biggest supporter. So I (23M) am having to go through all the processes of insurance and retirement my father had set up in his name. He had 2 policies with one life insurance company that had me and my 2 siblings, so it was all split evenly between us 3. But he also had another where I was the sole beneficiary, as well as the sole beneficiary of his retirement. My siblings had never really been close to my dad. My sister hadn't spoken to him or seen since last June. My brother who is a habitual liar and kind of shitty person, only really saw him on occasions. And most times it was when he needed something. Thought out my childhood they were never present they had both ran away numerous times. Sometimes we wouldnt see them for a year or more. But my dad always helped even if it costed him loads of money. This is where my dilemma comes into play. My mom is telling me that my dad left the rest of it in my name for a reason, and not to go against his wishes by giving them any. Would I be an asshole if I didn't? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your mum is right, Your dad left it to you for a very clear reason, you were there for him, and this is his way of being there for you now after he passed. ######


Prompt:
I'm sorry if this is long or confusing but I'm conflicted.

Backstory my mom was incredibly abusive to me. Everything except sexually because I got that from someone else. I was forced to work at our store when I was 8 years old. Every way you could abuse someone she did it. I moved out when I was 14. I had just finished my freshman year of high school and I moved in with my grandma who let me stay with her rent free but I was on my own for everything. I got a job working 20-30 hours paid under the table. I did everything I could to support and sustain myself. When I turned 16 I got a real job went to an alternative high school and shifted my whole life so I could work and go to school just so I could eat, have a phone, get a car/gas.

We're Asian though. Painfully traditional and our beliefs is that we need to everything we can for our inner circle. Basically my mom was living with my grandma and her husband doesn't like her so he left. Shortly after she left to be with him. Things happened and now they're essentially homeless while looking for a place to live. They're living in a trailer.

I can give more details if there are questions.

Fast forward to now ten years later. I don't have a relationship with my mother. We talk a maybe a total of 5 times a year if that. My whole life I've been lectured how because she's my mother I have to love her and care. She's the only mother I have. I live in moderately sized home with my SO and dog. We have the space to house 2-3 extra people. I feel so bad because I know she wants  me to offer her our extra rooms but I just don't want to.

Shes essentially homeless though and I feel like I'm the devil for not offering her a roof when I have the space and ability to. I don't think I'm TA but why do I feel so bad?  I'm conflicted. If I wasn't TA I don't feel like I would feel bad. ######

Response:
 NTA

Your mother was abusive. You don't need to bring someone with a history of hurting you into your home.

It's unfortunate that she's in a tough spot but I mean... Maybe she shouldn't have abused her child ######


Prompt:
Okay, so I'm 20 F, and I'm living with my parents.

So this happened today at lunch. We'd all sat down to eat, and there was fish. I hate fish. I hate most non-vegetarian food. Nonetheless, I didn't want to start a fight, so I sat down and ate almost all of it, except for a little bit which I just didn't want to anymore. And trust me, when I say little, it was a tiny little piece.

I got up to wash my hands and rinse my mouth, when my mother called me back and asked me to finish it. Now, I really didn't want to. Firstly, I was already very full, and secondly, I just couldn't eat any more fish. I'd probably throw up.

So I said no. She kept bullying me. And I kept saying no.

My mother has a history of doing this. My brother and I could never be picky about anything we ate growing up, because it was a rule to eat everything that was served. I understand not wanting to waste food, but I just can't tolerate eating certain things.
Her force-feeding has probably led to me overeating at some times and barely eating at others.

So anyway, back to the story. She pulled me aside and angrily told me that I was embarrassing her in front of our house-help.

And I just couldn't believe her. I couldn't bare to ingest something at all anymore and to her, it was only about listening to her so that I didn't embarrass her.

She called me to a side room and started getting furious about how I always embarrass her and stomp on her dignity.

I stormed out of the room.

Am I the asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your mother needs to get a grip. You're 20, an adult and she cannot tell you anymore what to eat and how much and when. If anyone embarrassed her in front of your house aid it was herself being so pedantic about this. And stomping on someones dignity over that? I don't think she knows what that means. ######


Prompt:
I don't even know where to begin with this. First time posting here.

My family consist of me (17), my ma, my two sisters who I'll call A and J (A is 18, and J is 15) and my two younger brothers (one's highly autistic and the other is 8, neither of them are important to this). Now then, after school closed but before people started taking the quarantine seriously, a friend of mine, who I'll call D (More of J's friend but I knew him from school) started hanging out at my house, and he brought a friend of his Tae (using his nickname) who I think knew J but they were kinda just acquaintances. Now, D left because he also tried to make advances on J ( D was 16 at that time) The problem is Tae. Even after D left, Tae stuck around and has basically been living at our house. When D was here they were here almost every day, and rarely stayed over for the night. Now, Tae almost never leaves. He eats and sleeps at my house and even on the rare occasion he does go home, he never sleeps over there and always comes back. I can't remember that last time where he wasn't here for more than 24 hours.

Neither me nor A like him, but J does. I don't like him because he basically took over the living room and I hate how he acts like he has any authority here. A doesn't like him for the same reasons, but mostly doesn't feel comfortable with him being around J because of the title incident. Tae sent J some rather suggestive text, even saying that she can't tell anyone ( He's going on 20). J deleted the messages for some reason, so only her and ma know exactly what they said. This is a problem because ma refuses to tell Tae's parents about the messages, saying something along the lines of "I already dealt with that." Now whenever I bring it up she says I'm " trying to tell her how to run her own home." Am I the asshole for wanting him gone? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your mother is allowing a predator to live in her home. Why? ######


Prompt:
My 5 year old had been going to my mother in laws house pretty regularly for overnights, 2 or 3 times a month, per her request. In all my years of parenting, I have made it loudly, unmistakably clear that I do not use physical discipline on my children, and she is not to either. Ok, she doesnt agree but will respect it.

Fast forward to about 8 months ago (this is my MIL story and my daughter essentially concurred), my then 4 year old was in the bath and my MIL was helping her, and my child got shampoo in her eyes and started to cry and panic, so she splashed water on my daughters face to "help" and she lost it. She screamed and wailed because she couldnt see and had water up her nose now, and my MIL couldnt figure out the issue and there was another sleeping baby in the house, so she smacked my childs bare wet ass to "calm her down and stop the noise" (huh?) Instead of grabbing her a towel to dry off her face or offering comfort.

My daughter still doesnt understand why it happened and brings it up occasionally. Its created a huge rift in the family dynamic and relationship, but my MIL still doesnt feel like she did anything wrong. I'm very bitter about it still and have been a little controlling over visits since then.

So reddit, am I the overreacting asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your Mother in law did not do what she did to ‘calm her down’. She was frustrated and angry and wanted to shut the kid up.

This is not okay. ######


Prompt:
So, as Disney Plus was coming to my country, I managed to convince my parents to get an account, only if it was through ma pocket money. So, I decided, eh. fuck it, imma get it. So, it was all sunshine and rainbows for a while until my dad asked for the password to give to one of his friends. I was reluctant at first but my dad managed to convince me to give the password. But, I realized that it was a bad idea to give the password in the first place and went to the account settings and logged all devices out except for mine, and I have not told my parents yet about the log out. So, by taking the account off of the friend, Am I the Asshole ?

(also some might think im a dumbfuck for giving the password in the first place but my dad is a very persuasive person) ######

Response:
 NTA

Your money, your password, do what you like with either of them.

(Although I agree with your last line :) ) ######


Prompt:
I (F16) was forced to get a job at 15. At the time I wasn't really doing anything productive, so my dad made me get a job. He said it'd keep me busy, and I'd be able to spend my money however I want as long as I kept 30% of it in the bank.

I wasn't fond of the idea since I'm not really good with people, but my dad insisted it'd be a good way to socialize and make money, plus I didn't really have a choice.

After turning in applications, I got hired at a pizza place, and really enjoyed making and spending money. Like agreed, I put 30% (eventually boosting it to 50% on my own accord) in the bank, and spent the rest on whatever I wanted: makeup, clothes, gag gifts. As time went on, however, my dad became upset at my spending habits. Calling it reckless and such. And although I do agree that if I had bills and stuff like that to pay it'd be bad, but since I'm a kid I'm taking advantage of my time now to spend my money without a thought.

Today we got in a shouting match because he said that the way I'm spending my money (which he SAID I could spend whatever on) was ridiculous. He's now saying he's going to increase how much I need to put in the bank, even though I had increased it myself.

I'm not going to abide by these new rules. He said in the beginning that I could spend my money however I wanted as long as I put a chunk of it in the bank. In the coming years I plan on saving more, but as of right now I'm just spending money as I please since that is what was agreed.

Am I the asshole for spending my earned money? ######

Response:
 NTA

your money, your business ######


Prompt:
For context, I am F24 and just bought my very own condo. I took out a loan that I will have to pay back over the next couple of years, but I looked at, bought, etc. the condo myself. My Mother (F53) had nothing to do with it.

Now, my mom has always been entitled. When I first moved out, she gaslit me into giving her keys to my new place, which she kept referring to as her apartment. I folded then, and regretted that choice when she kept showing up unannounced while i was at uni.

As for my new place, she has already threatened to “throw me out” and “get herself a new tenant” if she ever comes in to find dishes in the sink. I never claimed to be the most tidy person, but that didn’t sit well with me. What right does she have to throw me out of a condo I own? My name is in the register, no one else’s. I don’t want her to gaslight me into folding again, but she is adamant it is “her” apartment and that she is “technically the owner” as she birthed and raised me. I love my mom, but I’m terrified.

When I said I wouldn’t give her any keys to the place, she lost her shit. Calling me ungrateful, that it was HER apartment, that I had no right to keep her out of it. I still feel like this is my property, and my name on the loan, but I’m also terrified of cutting her off because I know she will ruin my life as she sees fit. She once called the police to do a wellness check on me because i was in the tub and didn’t respond to her messages quickly enough.

So, Reddit — WIBTA for not giving my mom keys to my new place ? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your mom will never stop dominating your life if you don't start standing up for yourself.

She might try and ruin your life, but people will quickly learn that she's a crazy person. ######


Prompt:
So we were all watching the news together (my sister, my mom, my dad and i).

And there was this part where it reported that muslims still liked to fly over their dead to their country of origin and bury them there (i’m from belgium). Personally I didn’t think it was a big deal but my mom just stated:

“At least they take their trash back”

I was shocked obviously and spoke up. I told her that it was no different than any other person wanting to be buried (or have their ashes spread out) anywhere specific like the ocean or in their favourite country. And that saying if their dead are trash would mean that if grandma died she would be just trash too in her eyes, if you follow her logic.

Well everybody got mad at me and saying that it was just some passive aggressive way of what they call ‘reverse racism’

And now everybody is mad at me and wont talk to me, mostly about the grandma remark i think, so i feel bad ‘cause that was really harsh of me. But then again so was calling someone elses loved one trash.
So am i in the wrong here and should I apologize? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your mom should be proud that she raised you to speak up for what you believe.

You disagreed, and then you explained why respectfully,  with no yelling or insults.

Also, you're correct. ######


Prompt:
Backstory: had acne for almost 10 years. Couldn’t do anything about it (treat it orally) since healthcare isn’t free where I live, and dermatology appointments are costly. We were also, very poor.

I had self esteem issues because of it, and my mum is the only person that I’ve shared this struggle with. She, out of everyone, knows how much I’ve been struggling with mental health due to acne. When I first started getting it, she would shame me (just make snarky remarks like “aren’t they bothering you? You look like bla bla bla”) into fixing it as soon as possible. So I became ashamed of my face and was obsessed with skincare. And I mean OBSESSED.

Recently, I had to move back home with my parents because of the current climate. Today, my face progressed from moderate acne to very mild. I maintain a plant based diet that helped me a lot. Though from time to time, I get hungry and crave foods that cause flare ups (mainly dairy and baked goods). But since we’re all staying at home, I thought it would be fine to have a couple bites.

One day, I ate too much, and I broke out. She saw my face and said “what even is that huge bump on your forehead? Did you hit your head?” And I don’t know where the anger came from, but I snapped “why do you always feel the need to say shit about my face?”. She started screaming and calling me over-sensitive. That because my face isn’t even THAT bad ( like it was before) I should learn how to take a joke.

Now I feel that it’s my fault for making her feel bad. ######

Response:
 NTA

Your mom is a jerk for saying that to you despite knowing it's a big insecurity. Show her this thread so she can see just how asshole-ish it is to do what she's been doing. A parent should support and encourage their child, not make them feel terrible for no reason. She should be ashamed!

You're beautiful. Don't feel bad for the occasional treat. Especially in the current climate. :) ######


Prompt:
So a little backstory
My parents are split up but not fully divorced so they haven’t filled out all the paperwork. My dad (d) is a lawyer so he is quite well payed and and my mum (m) works in a nutrition company so she makes medium wage. Because of how boring life is right now I’m trying to save up to buy an xbox. My parents won’t let me sell any of my current items so I obviously have to do chores (I’m not old enough to get a job.) I’ve done stuff like walk my dog, clean the windows and vacuum at m’s house all for £5 or less each. D paid £10 for just the windows (£1 per window) so obviously I wanted to do the chores at his but m has a huge shed that hasn’t been entered in years! So the words m gave me were “if you can empty this shed and sort the items i will give £10” i thought this was an ok price so i cleared the shed and sorted the items (25 min work) I ask m for the money but she says not until i wash the items (the shed was filled with cobwebs and insects.) I was annoyed but i asked for the cleaning products but she said she didn’t have any. So i had to buy the hose... with the money I hadn’t earnt yet. Plus bug killer, scrubs and new bin bags! i was losing money so i said no. M then said she wasn’t paying me until i did. So i was practically paying her £2.49 to clean out, sort and wash HER shed. I have a natural phobia of bugs so I already hated it but this was ridiculous. I refused and now m has taken all the money i earnt as a punishment plus my ps3 (i prefer xbox but this was all we could get.) D is taking M’s side but I think he’s scared which I don’t blame him for. So Reddit am i the ahole? Also this is my first story on here so sorry if it isn’t good for this subreddit. ######

Response:
 NTA

Your m is doing those things where she becomes a psycho because her kid is getting old enough to point out how flawed her logic is.

I’m sorry you have such a self righteous shite for a mom right now ######


Prompt: So, just a little backstory. Throughout my entire childhood, my parents have always forced their way into knowing all my secrets. Whenever I refused at first, they would start taking away things I had like my book or playstation. Whenever I asked why their excuse was always, "Because I'm the parent and I say so." Because of this, I don't like telling them anything anymore. I always hide everything because I'm afraid they're gonna force their way into knowing. Recently, I told my dad about a girl I was talking because he didn't force his way into my secrets as much as my mom. When my mom caught word about something between us, she once again asked about it and got pissed off when I told her it was just between me and my dad. She said that my business is her business. This is one of the few times she doesn't force her way in because I already told my dad. I told her that I'm not going to tell her and my mom keeps getting pissed off that I'm not telling my safe guarded secrets. AITA for doing this? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your life needs to be your life. Talking to your parents is a great way to gain insight from their years of experience. But it should be done on your terms, not theirs (like you talking to your dad). ######


Prompt:
Long story short, my fiancé has always been a drinker. He has a drink every night to wind down after working swing shift while he plays video games. His drink consists of a 20oz Yeti cup filled with ice. Then filled 2/3 with Jim Beam followed by Dr. Pepper. He’d typically just have the one drink about 11pm when he got home and come to bed about 2am.

Over the last year, his drinking has gotten crazy. He now drinks 3 of those cups a night, every single night. He stays up past 4am getting wasted while playing his game and yelling the whole time. I get up for work at 5:30 am so it’s very disturbing to sleep in our bed. Many nights I sleep on the couch. After playing and drinking, he goes and wrecks my kitchen heating up food. I used to make allowances because he was still able to get up for work and he’d let me sleep in one weekend day and take care of the kids that morning. And I don’t think I really realized how much he was drinking.

But now we’re both home, his drinking really bothers me. As I watch him fill his cup with liquor I feel repulsed. Because I know that the more he drinks, the more obnoxious and verbally abusive he becomes. Every night I’m called a bitch or a whore. And if I say anything, he says he can’t joke with me. But I don’t find it funny nor do I see how it’s a joke when I’m literally just laying there trying to sleep.

The other night I snapped. My stove was covered in queso. He had kept me up all night with his yelling and all the kitchen noise. I told him it’s us or alcohol. Previous talks asking him to slow down his drinking only made him drink more so I’m at my wits end.

His response was to say he will drink more now and maybe if I got drunk, he’d like me better. So I walked away. And I haven’t spoken to him since unless absolutely necessary. I know alcoholism is a disease and it runs in his family. I’m conflicted with wanting to be happy and feeling guilty for the ultimatum. So AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your husband is an alcoholic.  Full stop.  And he's drinking **a lot**.

Let me give you some perspective.  Once you factor in the ice, that 20oz Yeti cup probably has about 6.5 oz of Jim Beam in it (I did a quick test run with ice and water to get an estimate).  Three of those a night would be 19.5 oz.

1.5 oz of Jim Beam has the same alcohol content as a 12oz can of beer.  This is assuming that the stuff he's drinking is only 80 proof (Jim Beam also makes 100 proof whiskey).  So his three cups of Jim & Dr. Pepper have the same alcohol content as 13 cans of beer.

##**He's drinking two six-packs a day**

Let that sink in.  Two six packs of beer.  Every single day.

He has a huge problem, and unfortunately the only way he'll ever get better is if he decides on his own to get better.  In the meantime, you need to do whatever is necessary to protect yourself and your children. ######


Prompt: This ones petty I know but my friend (17m) was sending selfies from girls we know to our group chat full of friends (also all 16-17m) last night. He screen shotted the selfies of these girls in make up and sent them to our group chat of about 15 of our guy friends and saying stuff like “which one is worse” and they look goofy and they shouldn’t have posted those photos and stuff like that. I called him out and said it was weird and gross for him to do that. Almost everyone in the group chat took his side saying that if they post it online publicly we are allowed to make fun of it. And that everyone sends photos of people calling clowning on them and it shouldn’t be different just because they are girls. I kept arguing that sending photos of girls you aren’t friends to a group chat of all your guy friends to clown on them was a gross thing to do. They didn’t really get it and just claimed I was white knighting and it wasn’t really a big deal. They told me I should drop it but it doesn’t really feel like a thing we should let slide. Am I overreacting and should I just drop it? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your friends suck ######


Prompt:
I’m a closeted lesbian, since my family is Christian and since I live in an asian country I keep it to myself. I’m not ashamed about who I am but I am afraid of people’s reactions.
Anyway I told one person, a friend (let’s call her Lana).When I told her she was surprised but eventually accepted me.
A few months later I had a work party to celebrate a new employee joining. I invited Lana to join. We were having a good time, then I got up to go to the bathroom. When I returned to the group, I heard her loudly telling my coworkers and my boss that I was a lesbian and she even used the “F word “to describe me. When she saw me walking towards the group she changed the subject.
Not wanting to cause a bigger scene I waited until after the party to confront her. She told me that I was “hearing things” and that I shouldn’t trust my own eyes and ears because I was probably drunk.  I wasn’t.
So I stopped talking to her. A few days later she called me and admitted she said it but said that she won’t apologize for telling people the truth.
After that day I reflected on our friendship and realized how toxic she was. And her l
narcissistic tendencies.
But some of our mutual friends that she told the story to said that I overreacted, that I am an asshole for not accepting her “apology”. ######

Response:
 NTA

Your friend, can we even call her that, is a terrible person. I'd cut ties with her immediately for pulling that stunt, and yes, she does owe you an apology. What business did she have telling everyone your sexual orientation. You told her that in confidence and betrayed you, cut ties and never turn back. ######


Prompt:
Context: So my friend asked if I would ever dye my hair and I said a quick “no”. However I then said half seriously that I might do it if it was for charity, next thing I know my friend has created a paypal and has publicly said me and her are dying our hair for charity, even though I never really wanted to do it and didn’t 100% agree to it.

Fast forward to last night, I learned that the hair dye I bought doesn’t truly come out and will ruin the natural hair colour until it grows out which I didn’t know would happen. So yeah, my friend is dying her hair now as I type this and I told her I didn’t wanna do it. Keeping in mind that this was for charity, am I the ass hole here? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your friend sucks because she didn’t confirm you were totally serious with the idea and assumed you were just going to go on board because of something you jokingly said. It was wrong of her to publicly say you were doing it with her without first asking you.

If she is going to force you to do this, she should at least get a hair dye that is ethical and won’t fuck up your hair.

(if you ever do dye your hair after this, i recommend manic panic- it’s vegan and plant based, won’t ruin your hair, and some colors are very easy to get out)

EDIT: On the charity aspect, I still stand by my point. It seems like your friend just bullshitted this whole “charity” idea to get you to dye your hair with her, considering the way this is worded implies she only got the idea after you said you might do it for charity. ######


Prompt:
Before you judge off the title alone, my friend is a man. Not genderqueer or anything, just a man. He has always said kind of cringe things about women and sex, nothing bigoted but just....cringe. Like once he told me that he is most attracted to bisexual women because “pleasuring women is his biggest pastime” and he can’t relate to women who don’t.

Well his latest is he told me he’s a lesbian. I told him that unless he no longer identifies as a man, he isn’t a lesbian. He says that’s not true. His reasons for being a “lesbian” are: he has a powerful connection to women’s energy (further questioning revealed he was just talking about vaginas), he thinks he’s more turned on by watching two women together than other straight men, and his dream is pleasuring 4 women at once (you can do that....I guess....but you’d still be straight.) he also thinks lesbians are “hotter” than straight women. I’m 90% sure he’s never met a lesbian IRL and this is based on porn. He does not identify as a woman or even remotely not a man. He just dreams of being “in the middle of a lesbian orgy.”

I am normally not one to police identities but he’s obviously just a straight man and I find this borderline offensive. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your friend seems to be just a dumbass who watches too much porn, and I can't possibly imagine taking him seriously on this topic. ######


Prompt:
This is a throwaway account. Also this story happened a while ago.

My friend and I went to see a movie. Before that, we got some churros for $10, she said she'd pay for it and I can pay later when we buy something after the movie. I said ok. We shared the churros. After the movie, she wanted to get hot chocolate but I didn't want any so she can get a cup and I'll pay for it. And because just the hot chocolate by itself, it didn't add up to $10 so she added in a cookie to rake up $10, I said it was ok. I paid for the hot chocolate and the cookie.

It was pretty late at night so I'm assuming the worker must've been pretty tired because although he charged us $10, he accidentally made us two cups of hot chocolate. He gave it to us for free because it's already made and we were the only two there.

The next morning, she texted asking me to transfer the money I owe her back. I was confused because I didn't owe her anything, I paid $10. She said it was because it wasn't $10 that I paid since I also got something out of it, it made the value of her drink decreased. Even as I typed this out, I still don't understand her reasoning. I said that I paid $10 fair and square, the hot chocolate I got was just an added bonus for us. We debated back and forth about this and she said she told her mom about the story, and her mom also thinks that I should pay back. We dropped it after a while but I'm still confused. Since her mom also agreed, I don't know if she dropped it because I was being an asshole and she didn't wanna keep arguing or if it was because I was right.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your friend is cheap and petty as heck. You bought her $10 worth of stuff. Doesn't matter if you also got a drink for free. The value of her drink did not decrease, and you owe her nothing. ######


Prompt:
To understand the full story you will need some key information about my life. At a young age my parents were divorced,and my oldest sibling is a trans female.

I just finished my school year and to celebrate me and my friends decided to dye our hair. My mother was completely fine with it but suggested I asked my dad first.

Here’s how to conversation went.
D=Dad
M=Mom
OP:Me

OP:(over Text Message) Hey, can I dye my hair,Momma said it was fine but wanted me to ask you first.

D: What Color and your whole head?

OP:Red and probably not, I only have half a bottle of dye.

D:I’m thinking you shouldn’t unless you’re gay.

Now when he said that I was in complete shock and went to my mom for her advice on what to do, she was outraged as her oldest child is part of the lgbt community . She suggested that we dye my hair anyways to prove a point.

When I went to visit my dad he grounded me and took my phone for breaking his rules, and has said that he won’t take me anywhere because I’m a embarrassment to him. Reddit AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your father however, is an ahole. ######


Prompt: Hi everybody! My fiancé and I are expecting a baby in December. I have a lot of bad history with my last name and my fiancé’s family also has a really bad history. For this reason I’ve always wanted my baby to have a new last name to start brand new with no history. We both agree to this and decided this is what we are going to do. However his family does not want that. So are we the assholes for wanting something different and going against his families wishes? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your family, your life. ######


Prompt:
So ever since the protests started my brother (19) has been making racist comments to my family about it. I'm (21) a criminal justice major and have learned a lot about systemic racism so I've been trying to help my family understand what's happening and why. I warned my brother to never say any of the stuff that he says around us to anyone else, but he didn't listen.

Sure enough my brother was "exposed" on a girl's Instagram story with screenshots of him saying racist things in a chat with his friends. Since the girl that posted the screenshots was in my grade my family asked me to talk to her and get her to take it down since it may "ruin my brothers college acceptance." I told my family no and that he needs to be publicly ridiculed since nothing that I've said was going to get through to him.

Then the post spread and now practically everyone has seen the message and has been messaging me about it saying things like "wow I can't believe your brother is so racist" and "wow how can you let him say things like this." In response I posted something saying how I do not condone his actions and am deeply disappointed.

Now my brother says that I am "dead to him" and my family won't talk to me because I didn't back my brother and "betrayed the family." I've asked my brother to sit and talk with me about it but he's refusing to and saying that I've done too much damage and that he doesn't want to speak to me again.

My mom keeps telling me that I need to apologize to him in order to make the family "begin to heal" but I don't feel as though I'm in the wrong.

Should I apologize? Am I the asshole here? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your family are worried about his reputation, but they didn't stop to think about yours. There are now people out there who genuinely believe you're okay with having a brother who is racist - you needed to be honest and clear your name.

If your brother was out there trying to make it right, learn from his mistakes and get educated it might be a different story (then again it might not - I'm a super priveleged white woman so my opinion could be way off here) but he's not, he's trying to get you to fix his mistakes instead of owning them.

You have to protect yourself first. I'm sorry your family can't see that, but it's true. ######


Prompt:
The whole story is in the title.

My ex-husband gave me three cards (one from him and each of our kids) and a miniature rose bush for Mother’s Day. The kids’ cards just said that I do a lot for them and his just said he was thankful that I’m a good mom and was excited to see us again. (We still do family outings like going to the park).

My boyfriend broke up with me because he said it was inappropriate and that I should never have accepted them. It just blew up into a big argument. I told him his feelings were valid and we’d work through it and talk about it. Was it inappropriate?

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your ex sounds like someone attempting to successfully co parent with you.

Your ex boyfriend sounds incredibly insecure ######


Prompt:
TL;DR — my husband started a YouTube channel, which I fully supported but I asked him to not record me and told him I didn’t want to be in his videos and he flipped out and deleted the whole YouTube channel. AITA?

•
•
•
My husband started a YouTube channel. He got a wild, hare brained idea that it was a good idea. He told me about it, showed me his first video, I told him it was very funny and I supported him 100%. He said it was going to be a “funny, relatable, YouTube channel for dads”, I told him it was a great idea, and fully supported it. Until he tried to secretly record me and post it. I told him as he was recording me (as soon as I realized he was) that I do consent to being put on videos that are displayed for the public. And it wasn’t a sexual video or anything like that. It was literally a video of me sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of lucky charms. I don’t care what it was about, I point blank said I didn’t want to be in his videos. I still supported him making the channel, and told him I could support him without being in the videos. He then said he was going to post it anyway, made a comment about posting videos of our kids. I was adamantly against that — I don’t want our kids displayed for world to see. It’s just nothing something I agree with personally because I don’t want anyone to look at my child in an inappropriate way and unfortunately, the world we live in, the Internet is a child sex offenders hunting grounds. I just don’t want my kids to be out there like that, plain and simple. Anyway, he flipped out. Told me I didn’t support him, he was tired of it always being an issue if it wasn’t my way. Which it’s the complete opposite. He behaves like a child when he doesn’t get his way, always trying to guilt me into things. We fought for a while about it and I finally just walked away. He deleted the entire channel and refused to speak to me the rest of the night. Am I the asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your entitled to your own privacy, your husbands TA. ######


Prompt:
i (18F) have had a pretty large chest since i was like 14 and it’s quite a pain. my mother is helpful, she helps pay for bras and clothes to fit me especially now because i don’t have a way to get money during the quarantine. both my parents occasionally show concern if i look particularly uncomfortable, but my father voices his ‘concern’ more often than my mother.

i absolutely understand and can assure you that it 100% does not come from a sexual place yet his comments are always so ignorant and immature especially for a man who’s almost 50 now and has been married to a woman for like 28 years. for example, the most recent incident was about a week ago, i was in a bikini and innocently discussing something with my mother when my father interjects with something along the lines of ‘i can’t imagine dealing with that weight on my chest! that top doesn’t even look like it fits!’ the comments range from at least partially constructive to very objectifying. i tell my dad whenever he makes these comments that it really is weird and he has no business making comments like this, but it always ends up in him screaming at me that ‘he’s the parent and i’m the child’.

i do understand that where he’s coming from mostly stems from concern, and i know i shouldn’t argue as much with my father, but am i the asshole here? is he just being helpful? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your dad seems kinda weird ngl, I think you and your mom need to talk to him about boundaries ######


Prompt:
I'm a teenager, in high school, and I just got a phone at the beginning of this year when my mom upgraded. She'd had the phone for several years, it's a 5s and in relatively good condition (no cracks, scratches, etc) but the battery drains ridiculously fast and, well, it's 7 years old. My siblings both got new phones for their first phones, but i guess my parents saw an opportunity and ran with it.
My dad said he'd get me a new phone at the end of the school year if I got good grades. Well, now that school's out, mine has decided that they're going to make all classes pass/fail. Hence they're not assigning letter grades, and he won't buy me a new phone. He  mentioned it off handedly at dinner like "oh great i wont have to buy you a new phone for another year!!"
My grades were good before we were let out. It's not my fault school was cancelled and the grading system is this way now so why should i have to wait another year?
I don't want it to come off as me being spoiled but I'm honestly tired of having such an old phone and not being able to do some of the things my friends can do on theirs, like group FTs, or getting made fun of or asked if im poor, which is the dumbest shit because this is literally the bay area. so, wibta? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your dad made a promise and is trying to back out on a technicality.

If there is a legitimate reason for this, like your family is secretly struggling for money, your dad should level with you and explain why the upgrade needs to wait.

His flippant demeanor in treating you differently than your siblings sucks and you have every right to call him out on it ######


Prompt:
A week ago my bf and I made plans to visit my dad and his wife. My dad lives near one of my favorite restaurants, and I was hungry for one of their dishes for months. I told my dad that we'd love to have dinner, but I really wanted take out. I'd pay for it myself. I asked if he was OK with that. He was. I asked him to tell my stepmom to not cook for me and my bf.

Because I have autism i don't like plans changing. My dad asked if I wouldn't rather have a home cooked meal since his wife was cooking anyway. I told him again I'd prefer take out if that's okay. My bf is fine with whatever. But please do not cook for me.

Today I came in to the kitchen, and my stepmom proudly declared she was going to try to make my favorite dish... I love her, but the woman just isn't a great cook so I knew it wouldn't be very good, and again, I really don't do well with sudden changes.
Apparently my dad didn't tell her I wanted take out. She said it was fine, she wanted to cook anyway and I had already ordered food.

Now I just feel bad. She went out of her way to find the recipe of my favorite dish, get the right ingredients and cook it for me and my bf. I know she knows about my autism, and that she understands. But I just felt really crappy.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your dad is the asshole. He should’ve conveyed your message to your stepmom; seems she really tried to please you with your favorite food and put in a lot of work for nothing. Next time, text her directly; it’s clear your dad can’t be bothered to convey a simple message or was dead set on everyone eating the home cooked meal. ######


Prompt: So I was making two grilled cheese sandwiches for a nice midnight snack. I finish up and sit down to enjoy 'em when my dad(46M) walks in the kitchen. He asks me to make one for him too to which I oblige. As I get the bread and plug the toaster oven back in, he takes my seat at the table and declares he'll have one of my sandwiches instead even though I was going to make one of those anyway as per his request. Before I could say anything, he takes a bite of my sandwich. I go to put back the bread in the cupboard and he says "Too lazy to make another one for yourself?" and he laughs. I, already in a sour mood because someone took my damn sandwich, say, "It's fine, I just don't like it when someone takes my food.". He takes offense to this, scowls at me, drops the sandwich back on the plate hard enough to make a sound as if to show anger, and slams the door when he leaves the room. You could really see the disdain in his eyes after I said that remark. I'd really like to know if I'm the asshole here or not. ######

Response:
 NTA

Your dad is a massive asshole. Has he always been this way? ######


Prompt:
My gf and I moved out of state in with my dad a few months ago so we can get settled before we move out on our own again. We have a three month old baby.

My baby hasn't been sleeping very good the past few days. She's been colicky. This afternoon, i finally got her to nap while laying on my chest. My dad put left over pizza in the oven for himself for lunch. He said he was going to go shower and asked if I could get it out from the oven if the timer went off before he got out. I told him, "No, I can't because I have the baby sleeping on me." He hesitated, but then he said, "I'll be out in time."

He went to shower. He wasn't out in time and the timer went off. I called for him a few times but he didn't hear me. The baby woke up from me yelling for him but went back to sleep within a few moments. I did not get his pizza from the oven.

He came out about 5 minutes later. He was mad that the timer was going off. He asked me why I was letting it go off. I said that I told him I wasn't going to get it. He pulled his pizza out and it was kind of burned. Not black burned but it smelled a little toasty.

He saying I was being lazy and rude. I don't think I was because I told him straight up I wasn't going to get his pizza and he said he would be out in time. My dad also told my older brother about it who agrees with my dad.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your dad accepted the 'rules' before he went for a shower. Serves him right.

Anyway, pizza is nice when it's 'toasty' :) ######


Prompt:
We’re currently staying with my partners family, we were renting but our landlords wanted to sell the house and we couldn’t find a property that was affordable in our local area.

We’re paying ‘contributions’ of around €800 a month to be here (it’s me, my partner and my child), I still also buy my own food due to food intolerances. I’m happy to pay that €800, but his parents want us to do a spread sheet of how much we earn and our outgoings to make sure we can afford the €800. We both work so we can afford that. I really don’t want to give them a copy of this information.

Me and my partner have just had a big argument and he’s said I’m a arsehole for not wanting to give them a written copy of the information.

I really don’t want them having a copy of how much I earn and what I pay out. I have nothing to hide but I want that privacy for myself. I’m an adult, my partner doesn’t seem to understand that. Even my own family has never known exactly what I earn and what I spend. Why should they?

I will happily talk to him about it all but I don’t want his mother having a paper copy or anything like that. They aren’t my family and they’ve said that themselves. I’m not really sure what to do. I’m happy to pay the €800, I haven’t quibbled about it in any way so I can’t understand why they want my finances.

Am I the asshole? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your contributing that’s all it matter. Your earnings are none of their business. ######


Prompt:
My cat eats meals and only gets a certain amount of food a day. He acts like he’s starving all the time. I even brought him to the vet and the vet said he was the perfect weight and he wasn’t sick, he just likes to eat. And if he ate more he would be fat.

My family thinks that the cat is not getting enough to eat. They try to sneak him food behind my back. I tell him he’s getting plenty to eat but they say it’s cruel to leave a cat feeling this hungry, he’s begging food off people and looking for food all the time. They think he should be eating more, at least another can of food at lunchtime, and again I’m being cruel to him and not giving him what his body needs.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your cat is not hungry, he's just gluttonous. Which, first of all, relatable.

If you're looking for a solution, consider giving your cat his food in smaller amounts throughout the day instead of all at once? I'd complain if I ate 2000 calories at breakfast and then fasted for the rest of the day. This has nothing to do with health, though. ######


Prompt: So, my (22f) bf's (23m) family lives in the apartment next to us. And his brother (17m) visits a lot. That's fine, but recently he spent a whole 6-7 days here. I was never asked if I was okay with this. He left on Friday afternoon and is already wanting to come back over for an indefinite amount of time. I both have extreme social anxiety and am an introvert. Having visitors is emotionally and psychologically exhausting for me no matter who it is, so I'm still recovering from the week he was just here. Plus he was talking to my boyfriend via x-box live asking to come over at 3AM. My boyfriend  asked me, and I said that I really am not comfortable with visitors right now in the first place, let alone at 3am. He got SUPER PISSED. He kept saying stuff like "well, I guess it's more your home than mine, since I guess I don't have a say." AITA for not wanting my bf's brother over at 3am for another indefinite amount of time even though I'm not mentally prepared for company? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your boyfriend should respect the fact that you both share the same space and that you have social anxiety issues. If he wants his brother to hang out at YOUR apartment as a "visitor" for days on end then maybe it's time you found a new place ... or a new boyfriend. ######


Prompt:
So I (f18) have gone bra less for almost 2 years now. I wear bralettes or sports bras on the occasion, but you won’t catch me in a padded bra. For what it’s worth, I’m super flat anyways, and most of the time people really can’t tell the difference.

On to the story. I was invited yesterday to a small bbq with close family at my grandmothers house. It was 98° and the whole event was outside. I have 4 cousins, one of which is (m25) and it’s a well known fact now in our family he’s recovering from a porn addiction.

He lost his fiancé of two years due to it but recently he’s been doing better. It’s obviously not something anyone ever brings up or talks about due to the nature of the subject.

Well, I was wearing a strapless top with no bra on, and halfway through my aunt had asked me if I could go put something different on or a coat because she was worried I was going to “put thoughts in my cousins head that could sway his progress”. I was offended, and told her I wouldn’t be changing because it’s too hot. I’m his cousin, he shouldn’t be looking at me like that anyways, and if he can’t see a set of shoulders, or a tube top, that must mean he can’t go outside at all.

They left early and since then I’ve been getting slammed by all my family for ruining the 4th of July get together and ruining my cousins progress, and life.

I feel like shit and I’m regretting that I didn’t just change. So, AITA? Thanks in advance. ######

Response:
 NTA

Your body is your body, noone else.

A. He should not be looking at his cousin this way.

B. Your aunt should not be trying to sexualise you and your cousin.

C. If he had the issue he should have stepped out and away, rather than letting his Mom make a scene. And if he didnt say something and she kicked off does she really have that little faith about her son, that he would sexualise his cousin that way. ######


Prompt:
This is my first time posting and English is my second language so bare with me.

My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years. We have 3 dogs and during quarantine we came to the agreement that he would take out the dogs and I would cook, do dishes and laundry because I am high risk and our state is in bad shape -also, people in our neighborhood don’t respect social distancing so I get bad anxiety attacks when I walk around.

Well, he’s been 5-6 days without showering? I don’t know, but he has a dry scalp and I could see all the dead skin on his hair and face this morning. It grossed me out and I told him he had to shower today. He’s been playing video games all day and ignored the shower. When I had already showered I asked him if he wanted to shower while I cooked lunch and he said no. We have already had dinner and I reminded him to go to the shower because tomorrow early we are going grocery shopping so we can find parking after shopping. I just reminded him and said something like “you still have to shower, it’s pretty late and tomorrow morning we are going shopping so you won’t have time”. Well he got pissed at me and told me to go take the dogs out and he’ll shower. I refused and said that he’s been playing video games all day and we had an agreement about taking the dogs out. He still yelled at me and said he was going to the shower and that I had to take the dogs out, that I should help because I didn’t do anything today. Well, I made breakfast, lunch and dinner, apart from laundry and dishes. So I basically spent more time doing things than him.

So AITA for reminding my boyfriend to take a shower and to honor our agreement during quarantine? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your bf is really getting used to not having to do much all day. A lot of us will have rude awakenings when everything opens up again and we have to go back to doing things all the time.

I don't like to dance around issues so I would probably tell him that his dirty lazy ass needs to shower and that if he can't do simple tasks without making a scene then that's pretty disappointing. I would also stop cooking 3x day until "morale improves" as they say.

I mean, who wants to suck a dick that hasn't been washed in a week, that's nasty.

And who wants to suck a dick that doesn't even notice he is gross, rude, lazy, and childish. That's also nasty.

But hey, I'm single, so take that all with a grain of salt. I would probably end up being too aggressive about it. I get triggered easily by this kind of taking advantage of people with respect to household chores. Good luck. ######


Prompt: Six months ago my now boyfriend broke up with his ex and immediately started dating me. We moved in together and really started going hard in our relationship.  Throughout these past six months he has been in contact with his ex. He says it’s to make sure she’s okay and not in a horrible mindset after their breakup. He talks to her about once a week and I have tried to tell him it’s not letting her heal or get over their breakup. She has asked him multiple times if he’s currently dating anyone and he tells her no. (Trying to not hurt her feelings or self esteem.) She recently found out about me (via social media) and that we were dating and lost it. I’ve now been asked not to post anything as to keep her from being even more upset. I feel as if her emotions are being prioritized over mine? AITA for still wanting to post pictures of MY life on my social media platforms? AITA for not feeling comfortable in this situation? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your bf is actively lying to and emotionally manipulating his ex.

He is doing the same thing to you, by telling you all of this is to protect her feelings. He clearly doesn’t give a shit about her feelings.

He’s hiding your relationship and talking to his ex and lying to her face.

Red flags are abundant here... run. ######


Prompt:
Unfortunately, my bird died peacefully from old age in the last month. I had been expecting this for a couple of weeks but I was still devastated. Now, this was my own bird. I paid for her myself, fed her with my other birds every day, and paid attention to her every day as well.  My sister has never been interested in our birds other than looking at the cage every so often when she goes outside. She also blamed me for her bird's death which happened last year even though she never paid attention to it and I did all the care for it, she just looked at it even though it was her responsibility.

Anyway, throughout the day she kept randomly mentioning my bird's name at random times and making jokes about her death. Like we were just having a normal conversation and she said my bird's nickname in a mocking voice, this was a little bit ago so I don't remember the exact conversation, but it went something like that son I told her to shut up.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

Your anger is justified. Your sister sounds nasty. ######


Prompt:
Throwaway account for privacy reasons.

My (18M) girlfriend (19F) found out about 4 days ago that she didn’t get this dream job offer that she got an interview for. I spent the next day and half consoling and comforting her, after which she thanked me and said she felt better. The following night, I found out I got elected to a minor position in this organization I’m involved in. I mentioned it to her, she congratulated me, and then I changed the subject back to what our conversation was. Afterwards, she was more quiet and standoffish, and didn’t really want to talk anymore. This morning, she finally told me that she’s upset at me for making her feel worse about her job rejection by mentioning that I got elected. I said back that I’m sorry about that, but we had stopped talking about her job two days beforehand, and I only mentioned that I got the position for about a minute, and made no more conversation of it past that. She got more mad at me after I said that. AITA for mentioning it? I feel like a dick after hearing her but I also don’t think the manner I went about it was wrong. ######

Response:
 NTA

Your accomplishments have nothing to do with her failures and vice versa.  She can be upset for herself and still manage to be supportive and happy for you. ######


Prompt:
Background & Context: I have a FT job in healthcare where I work a steady 45 hours weekly. Now due to recent additional stressors are work it’s more like 50-55 and I am mentally, physically exhausted after working all day and dealing with the additional stress/frustration/constant policy changes.

Years ago, prior to having our child she wanted to work and asked me to “help” her find a job. That “help” consisted of me creating her resume from scratch (she didn’t know how to) and filling out applications for her (each online application takes a good 15 mins to complete now) while at the time I was working FT and completing grad school FT in an accelerated program.

Incident: My beautiful, sweet wife is a stay at home mom. She cooks, cleans, takes care of our child. Today, she mentioned to me that she wants to earn some money by opening up a catering service. I told her that I think it’s a fantastic idea and outlined a complete business plan for her (watch YouTube videos to learn how to take quality professional photos with our DSLR camera, take photos of the food she makes, create a Facebook page, join various Facebook groups and start marketing, etc.). This was not what she had in mind, she wanted me to do all the front-end work; (take photos, create a Facebook page, market on Facebook and virtually network to our community, etc) and for her to just cook the food. When I told her “no and that I don’t have the mental/physical bandwidth for that due to already working a high-stress/high-demanding job.” Her response was “Fine, don’t help me or support me.” To which I responded, “I did help you by outlining a complete business plan for you; however, if this is something you want to do, you need to put in the hard work.” She knew I was firm in my decision, therefore, she dropped the idea and hasn’t mentioned it.

Few friends of ours side with me and a few friends feel that I could’ve pitched in more and am being TA.

AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

You’ve done more work than needed. It seems like she wants both of you to launch the business...If you don’t have the bandwidth, that’s okay. ######


Prompt:
So my (19f) boyfriend (20m) was on the Ps4 last night playing GTA with his friends. I was sitting on the couch watching him when he started talking about me.

They were asking him gross questions and he was *answering* them after I kept throwing stuff at him trying to get him to stop.

He started talking about the sex positions I like, kinks and stuff I have, the noises I make, things we do in the bedroom, started talking about my body and told them he wishes he could show them my ass and tits and etc talking about how big they are and shit.

After that he started making “jokes” about how he’d let them take turns with me for “the right price”. He thought it was hilarious but it stopped being funny after like 1 minute. I kept telling him to turn it off and shut up because ew.

But they kept going on about certain features of my body and how he’ll show them for some money. He claimed he was joking but I was upset at this point in time. So I got up and unplugged his Ps4 so that he couldn’t say anything more to his friends. He Told me he was doing a “quest” or whatever and that I was being so uptight and a prude and that I need to “chill” because it was all jokes. Apparently I am overreacting for being upset.

AITA for getting upset and sleeping on the couch tonight and being a “prude” while he overshared things about our sex life and made horrible jokes? ######

Response:
 NTA

You’re being exploited. If you’ve ever sent him anything risqué, he’s probably shown others. He had the balls to tell *YOU* to chill after all this? Please leave him before you experience some real shame. ######


Prompt:
I'm 19, living with my parents. I have a small part time job that gets me around $800 a month, I give my parents $400 a month for bills, food and miscellaneous things around the house. I pay for my car registration, fuel and any other bills that directly involve me. I try and save as much as I can, and they know that I have a savings account. My parents are now asking that I contribute more money every month. I told them that I already give them half of the money I get, but they say that I shouldn't be saving up when the money could be used. I don't mind giving them the amount I already give them, but I don't feel like I am willing to give up more than 50% of my wage.

Edit:

* I am currently attending university. ######

Response:
 NTA

You’re already giving them half of everything you get, plus paying for your own things. You can’t be saving much.

Your parents should WANT you to save. You’ll need money for emergencies or just things you want. Plus funds to move out of their home one day. ######


Prompt: So, where I live, the one exam which determines if you can go to university will be taken in a few days. I collected every worksheet, every texts, judt everything over the last 3 years bc the teachers said this could all be important for this particular exam. I gave my friends permission to use everything I collected to prepare, but now everyone wants a piece from the cake. Normally I don‘t have a problem with this, but 3 people, who bullied me over my sexuality and my appearance in the past, now also want access to it. AITA For refusing to give them access? ######

Response:
 NTA

You've taken the last three years seriously and worked hard for this test so you can plan your future.

Whom you let in to share your work with and whom is privy to your dedication to your education is completely up to you.

You had the same opportunity as your friends and foes to prep for this final so there's no excuse for their lack of material. You're giving your friends a valuable gift by allowing them access to your work, you should decide whom your gifts are bestowed to.

And there's no need to feel guilty about not sharing it with just anyone; after all, if the table was turned would they have been so willing to hand over their hard work to you? Opportunity comes to those willing to wait for it, you did and now you'll have the opportunity to get a higher education.

Shame they didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel as you have.

Best of luck with your college choices! ######


Prompt:
So my mum started randomly coming into the bathroom to wash her hands, brush her teeth, go to the toilet etc while I was in the shower. I asked her to stop because it made me uncomfortable. she said she would stop but recently she’s been coming in more and more casually again and i got pretty annoyed at her.

Me: can you please stop coming in while I’m in the shower? I told you it makes me uncomfortable.
Mum: I’m your mother and this is my bathroom too
Me: look can you just hurry up and leave because I’m just wasting water here and I won’t get out until you’ve gone
Mum: you’re being so rude! you shouldn’t talk to me like that!

so whaddya think? AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

You've explained to your mother that her coming in during your showers makes you uncomfortable and she should respect that.  I've seen from responses to other comments that your showers aren't excessively long and there's another bathroom if she's desperate so there's really no reason for her to be coming in. ######


Prompt: Hello Reddit, cutting straight to the point I had twin babies last September, a boy and a girl. Me and my boyfriend had a babygirl 3 years prior. Neither of us are religious but his family sees baptism as a part of culture and family tradition, so we agreed to please them this way. After all, we currently live in France and after I finish university we will probably go to Turkey, my homeland, and I want them to have a connection with both their cultures and this is a part of it. When my oldest was born, her grandmother said that they would like her aunt to be her godmother and I didn’t give much taught to it. She also named the baby but I shrugged cause I really liked the name and it fit her perfectly. (She named her Aurore, which means dawn in french and she has red hair!) But after the twins were born I really wanted my two best friends to be their godmothers. As I said I’m not religious, but if I can still honor my best friends who have always been in my life (one since the age of 6 and the other 15) and who will probably be in theirs as well, I would like them to have the title, not some in-law that I don’t know. We also named the kids with my bf (Selene and Helios, which mean sun and moon, so I think the three pair together perfectly) My bf’s mother was very frustrated and said that she would like her other twin daughters to be my twins’ godmothers, and she had already started sewing their dresses. AITA? I know baptism means a lot more to her than me, but they are my kids and I want to choose who to honor and be a second mom to them. ######

Response:
 NTA

You're right - they are your kids and you do what you wish in this regard. MIL has no say in it. At all.

EDIT: Looks like you're not married. If that's so, she's not even your mother in law so she has even less say in what you do with your kids (not that the inlaws should have any say anyway...) ######


Prompt: Basically, I accidentally knocked my friend’s appliance off the kitchen counter, shattering it. I told him I would order a new one, no problem. But now he’s saying he’d rather have the cash. Only problem is he’s insisting on $40 more than the price I’d pay on amazon for the exact same make and model. WIBTA if I said it’s either I order it or I give the amazon price in cash, not anything more? ######

Response:
 NTA

You're responsible for the value of the item that you broke. Any"upgrades" are on him. ######


Prompt:
My husband is working from home, I’m a stay at home mom, although I do freelance graphic design.

At work, my husband had a secretary/assistant(he flip flops on what he calls her) that he apparently relies on very heavily. Because when he started working from home he started asking me to write things down for him, remind him to call people, he even asked me to cancel a meeting for him(I don’t actually even have the ability to do that). He asks me to send emails for him(also can’t do that).

Our son is home and I’m homeschooling him, and also having to keep him entertained during the day, and while that’s not a full time job, it would prevent me from doing all the things my husband asks for even if I wanted to.

I figured he was just having trouble adjusting and just continued his natural work flow, which happened to end up with him asking me to do things. But he never stopped so last week I asked him to stop asking me to do things.

Today I sat him down and had a longer conversation that half the things he asks are not possible for me to do, and I don’t like feeling like his assistant, so I want him to stop.

He got annoyed and asked if I could just do the simple ones, and it’s only fair. I don’t understand what would be fair about it, but then he said he had a meeting and walked away. AITA? ######

Response:
 NTA

You're not his secretary.  If he needs one in order to be able to work then I'm sure his secretary is so working from home.

It's his job / his employers job to make sure he and they have the capacity to work....so they should provide the software to enable them to communicate easily...

You still have all your usual motherly duties - it's not your responsibility or role to carry out work he / his staff are PAID to do ######


Prompt:
To cut a long story short, I made a bit of a fuck up and thought I had approval to do overtime so I ended up doing an extra 70+ hours of work last month on top of my regulars. Unfortunately, I have not been paid these hours and didn't have approval for paid overtime and my manager has said there isn't anything they can do. I'm a little miffed at this.

So, I have decided to steal back the 7+ days of extra work I've undertaken by taking longer breaks, internet browsing and finishing early and starting late. It's not like they keep track of it anyway. Am I an asshole for that?

(also in my country they only have to honour the hours if total worked puts you under minimum wage, sadly it only sadly falls short of that criteria) ######

Response:
 NTA

You're not from the US it seems so my initial thoughts are not valid here.

If you are paid a fixed rate and the company expects you to work more for no extra pay, then I see no reason to not work less to make up for it.

Just don't get caught. ######


Prompt:
 so my younger sister (11) has a habit of stealing from people. if anything goes missing, the chance of you finding it in my sister's room is 80%. i have this red jumper that i love and i didn't get it back from the wash. i knew it had been washed because it saw it on the line outside. i had a hunch it was my sister who had taken it. she went with my mum to walk the dog and while they were gone, i raided her room and found not only my jumper, but an entire box of stuff she had stolen from me including my inhalers which i need for my asthma. i was furious and took a few pictures and took the box back to my room. i'll admit, i was a little sloppy and had left some signs that i had been in there so when my sister came back, she was upset. i told her not to take my stuff again and she began to cry because i had 'invaded her privacy'.

my mum is on both sides, saying i should have asked her about my jumper (which i do. when things go missing, i ask my sister if she's seen them and she says no) but my stepdad is on my sister's side.

AITA?? ######

Response:
 NTA

You're not an official government agency lol. You don't need a warrant. It's not like you were reading her diary or anything. You were retrieving your property.

Also, it sounds like your sister might need some counseling. If this continues, it'll be big trouble later in life. ######


Prompt:
My brother and I are very close. When we need advice or just to talk we turn to each other for support. Same with my sister.

My brother married his wife in April of 2019 and have begun trying to have a baby. My brother called me yesterday and told me that they went to see her doctor and he told them that they should not try to have a biological child. My SIL takes medications that would most likely cause severe birth defects and unfortunately it is too dangerous to take her off the meds because it may kill her.

Obviously we were, and are heartbroken for them. My brother would be an awesome father and he loves my kids like crazy. I told him that it was not the end of the world and that they could always adopt or foster a child. He then told me that they were going to try anyway, despite the doctor telling them both that this was not a good idea because of all the risks.

I got very angry with him and told him they were both being extremely selfish. That even if they were able to conceive the risk of having a child with severe birth defects that may cause them to require constant care or possibly pass away at birth was ludicrous. He said that I wasn’t a doctor and didn’t know what I am talking about; and he’s right. I’m not a doctor, but I do know that I would be so heartbroken for them and for their child if something were to happen.

He says that I wouldn’t understand since I have children, but I do. My second child has permanent brain damage from lack of oxygen at birth. My delivery was complicated and we both almost died. My son will always have developmental delays and I will never forgive myself for it, even though I did nothing wrong nor did the doctors.

My sister and mother completely agree with me that what they are doing is terrible. However, my SILs family has been calling and messaging me and calling me terrible names. I only told my brother the truth because he asked.

So AITA for telling him the truth? ######

Response:
 NTA

You're not a doctor, however a doctor advised them of exactly the same thing.

It's such a big risk they're taking, that it becomes such a selfish one. ######


Prompt:
So for contexts I(26f) watch this elder lady(81f) while her son and daughter in law are at work

So they have a pool that is fenced off so unless you go threw the house or the back gate you can’t get it it. Well while I was watching her these kids came up and asked to go swim and I told them no as I didn’t want to watch them swim and try to keep an eye on the person I’m being paid to watch. Well the mom came over and told me that they had permission to swim whenever they wanted as long as someone was home( the kids were maybe 10 and 14) but the home owners never told me of this so I told the mother that I couldn’t watch the kids.

Well the next day as I was telling the homeowners what happened the day before she told me I was ruining her relationship with her neighbors and I should of just let the kids going swimming.

I’m paid to watch the older lady not the kids and if anything were to happen I know I would be held responsible. ######

Response:
 NTA

You're not "ruining" anything. It was a misunderstanding and that should have solved the problem, full stop. That said, "someone" being home should not be broadly defined to also include "lady we pay to watch Mom." The idea that "someone" needs to be home suggests that the "someone" will have some kind of responsibility. Otherwise, the kids would also be allowed to swim when no one is home.

If you are not comfortable with the kids coming over to swim without their own parent on your "watch", tell your employer. They can accept it or replace you. But God forbid something happens while you're inside and you get blamed b/c "well, you should have blah blah blah..." ######


Prompt:
I've recently been having some dental problems like pain and black spots on my gums and teeth pain, it's been going on for a few months and I've brought it up with my parents and asked if I could go to a dentist. They've repeatedly pushed it back saying I'll be alright in some time, but when I do bring it back it up they say the same thing as if I haven't told them before.

I understand that dentists are expensive (where I live), and I'm not covered under health insurance either (since we're not citizens). I get that seeing a dentist can become very expensive but these pains have really been starting to get worse and I'm asking for dentists more and more. Would I be the asshole if I just told my parents to just take me to a dentist already?

For context, we are by no means poor, but my parents did grow up in a country without many dentists so they were raised with the belief that dental problems aren't that big of a deal and that it'll resolve itself. ######

Response:
 NTA

You're in pain, and they should care about that.

More than that though, the longer you leave it the worse it could get. Which, if cost is their main concern, could quite easily drive up the price they eventually have to pay. While also doing more damage to your health. ######


Prompt:
My kid’s birthday was in the middle of February and his father, who lives states away didn’t send anything.

Every time they were on the phone before my son’s birthday, his father said he had the present and was going to mail it, when it was closer to the birthday, he claimed he mailed it. Then after my son’s birthday, he made several excuses then said he’ll mail it or would say “it’ll be there in a few days.”

It honestly made me sad and irritated seeing how sad my son was after each phone conversation. One of the excuses he told our son was that he has 4 dogs to take care of and doesn’t have time to mail the gift... who says that to their own child?!

Anyway I bought my son a gift had it mailed directly to my home and said it was from his dad. He was so excited and wants to call his dad. I sent his dad a text to go with the flow but instead he’s mad and giving me more excuses as to why he didn’t send a gift.

I explained to him that our kid is extremely intelligent emotionally and every time he lied about sending a present it hurt our son and is causing him to no longer want to talk on the phone.

So AITA in this scenario? ######

Response:
 NTA

You're going above and beyond to make sure your kid has a good relationship with his father.

The father should be grateful and not getting mad at you. He's the asshole in this situation. Who doesn't have time to mail a gift? ######


Prompt:
My boyfriend \[29M\] and I \[23F\] have been together for 4 months but known each other a few years. He earns roughly double what I do and lives in a nice apartment by himself, I have a nice enough apartment with 2 housemates. His apartment is a lot closer to our respective workplaces than mine and as a result of this we've always tended to spend more time at his place.

Last night he was in a fairly irritable mood anyway, then later on in the evening he suddenly told me rent is due next week and I need to transfer him half. This really took me aback as although we have briefly discussed moving in together in the past we've never spoken about me moving into his place or paying him rent. I thought it was an unspoken understanding that I absolutely **cannot** afford half his rent and so if we were to move in together we'd both have to move.

I thought about it and I admit I have been back to my own place only twice in the past two weeks but I've never received any impression from him that I've overstayed my welcome, and we've hung out together in that time when we're not working. In the past when he's mentioned he's having friends over I've stayed away unless he's invited me into those plans. Also, I do the majority of the cooking for us and tend to buy the groceries for that, and we take it in turns paying for dates but he probably does pay more in total.

I just kept quiet when he mentioned it last night (it was already pretty late so I didn't go home) as he was already in a bad mood and I felt like he was pushing for an argument, then I went back to my own place after work today.

I realise that he obviously feels that I have overstepped a boundary in the amount of time I've spent at his but I honestly did not realise before now. AITA for not feeling like I should have to pay half his rent this month? This is the first I've heard of the issue, and also I would *really* struggle to do so. ######

Response:
 NTA

You're already paying rent for a place. You cannot stop paying rent there.

Isn't it totally normal to spend a bunch of time in the early days at one or the other person's place? Four months is those early days. Even if it weren't a question of your inability to afford two rents, it's a weird thing to ask for rent in that situation. Especially as you seem to have taken on much of the daily chores/purchases for the time you're there.

You are going to have to sit down and talk about both of your perceptions and expectations and the reality of your finances and how that's going to affect both of you going forward in where you live and what kind of lifestyle you have.

You do NOT owe him rent for any past visits. No freaking way. But sort this out now. ######


Prompt:
I’m an Indian woman (21) who was born and currently living in Australia. I have a younger brother (18) who is severely disabled and requires 24/7 care. My father is in my opinion incredibly controlling. Everything I do needs to be run past him, he approves who I’m friends with, he controls when and why I leave the house. He has also chosen my career for me, Medicine. My father has also expressed to me that when I’m allowed to date in two years that I will have to consult with him first about the boy I want to go on a date with, and he obviously has the typical restrictions that any Indian parents would. Also regarding my future he told me that I’ll be allowed to move out once I’m married, and that he along with my mum and brother will live in a granny flat behind I house I live in with my future husband.

To all of this I think its incredibly unfair that he’s dictating every aspect of my life, I obviously do want to take care of my brother and my parents but I can’t deal with my father constantly using him to guilt me into doing everything he wants.

I’ve considered moving out now, I have good savings and would be able to take care of myself, but I know my father would stop me from being able to contact my mum and brother. And i’m worried that I’d be affecting my brothers future if I leave them.

I want to take care of my brother, I love him more than anyone else in this world. And I want him to live with me for the rest of our lives so I can take of him and give him a good life. But I selfishly want some life choices to be my own.

WIBTA if I move out of home potentially causing my father to stop contact between my and my brother, jeopardising his future?

TLDR: I have a controlling father, who will cut contact with my and prevent me from seeing my disabled brother if I move out. WIBTA If I do? ######

Response:
 NTA

You wouldn’t be ruining your brother’s future. Your father would be. Just like he’s ruining your future by controlling everything you do.

Holy shit girl, your home life sounds horrible. Run away right now. You are entitled to happiness and freedom. ######


Prompt:
( On a throw-away account because she has my main account)

So my girlfriend has been talking about moving into her apartment for about a year now. I've thought about it and I don't think it's a good idea because she doesn't have a bathtub

I have a health issue that causes me a lot of pain. Pain that I've discovered can be soothed by hot baths and a medical bubble bath. I of course can also take medicine that helps but the one prescribed for me to take when I'm in pain makes me feel all woozy for the rest of the day, which is not ideal when I have things to do.

I specifically moved into an apartment with a bath that I currently share with a roommate. My roommate recently decided to move when our lease ends, which is making my girlfriend even more insistent about me moving in with her

I've told her my concerns and why, and suggested she move onto my lease if she wants to live together or that we could find a new place with a bath. She refuses and is calling me selfish for not moving in with her just because her apartment 'isnt't nice enough for me'

It's gotten so bad that every time we text or call, she starts arguing about it and I'm afraid this is going to kill the relationship. I don't want the reason that I lose someone to be that she doesn't have a bath tub in her home.

Am I being selfish for refusing to move into her apartment? Am I the A-hole for not just giving in so that I can be with her? ######

Response:
 NTA

You wouldn't be breaking up over a bath, you'd be breaking up over her not supporting you in accessing something that helps your medical condition, when she easily could.

Even if your apartment is terrible and she for whatever reason can't live there, then you try to find a new place that had a bath, like you suggested. ######