For this package it all started with wanting to make Jerome some banana nut bread, one of his favorites. The kids helped me decorate his box with paper and stickers I found at Hobby Lobby. It turned out to be a really cute package. We hope he likes it!

Punch buggy is the kids' favorite game to play in the car. Many times I have to initiate a "don't punch so hard" rule because they can get a little carried away. But Jerome is the best at playing this game; he always manages to spot the bugs before anyone else. Before he left he showed me a house on our way home that has an old bug and told me to always remember that one so I can at least get one on the kids. Thanks, honey, but they have already figured that one out!

The kids are all well and back in school. Spencer will have a lot of homework to catch up on; he has been absent since January 13. I just hope I will be able to help him with all of it—I was never very good at algebra. Jerome always helps him with his math homework. Katie was up early this morning; she was excited to put a stamp on the letter she wrote to her daddy. We were finally given an address to send things to him while he is in training. I wish you could have seen the smile on her face as she put her letter in the mailbox, raised the red flag, then ran to catch the school bus.

The kids and I have been talking about sending Jerome his first care package. We have a surprise for that one, too. We are all excited about preparing what we'll put in his package. Jerome, when you read this, know that Molly misses you too. I laughed when you wanted me to put you on speaker so you could talk to her. I laughed when you told me what the other guys said, and it made me smile to see Molly perk her ears up and stare at the phone. I think she misses you too, but she keeps the kids busy and their minds occupied. And yes, they still feed her when they're supposed to. I love you, baby.

I've hit a breaking point — I don't feel like I can be strong anymore, at least not tonight. I appreciate all the support and kind words we've received from everyone; it has meant so much. I'm just at a point where I can't pretend anymore. Tonight I'm not strong, but I'm trying really, really hard to be. The tears just won't stop.

The next morning I woke up to a phone call from the school: Natalie was sick and needed to be picked up. We came home and she barely made it to the bathroom before throwing up; she had a stomach bug. I can't help replaying in my head what the "pastor lady" (as Spencer called her) said to me. She came to visit Spencer while we were waiting for the tests to be run and the results to come in. I know that when she entered our room she wasn't expecting to see a fourteen-year-old boy distraught and wishing his dad were there with him too. I think she was taken aback by it all, by the tears welling up in his eyes when she asked if she could pray with him. She prayed a very emotional prayer. She prayed for his health and that he would get better soon. She prayed for all the pain, loneliness, and longing to be together that filled the room. She prayed for Jerome's safety and for God's hand to protect him while he was away, and to protect us as well.

When she finished talking to Spencer and was getting ready to leave, she hugged me and said that it wasn't His intention for us to go through all of this alone and that everything would be OK. I had kind of laughed off the emotion I was shoving down when she entered the room and told her it was a deployment curse. She knew I was holding it all in. She kept asking to call our church or our pastor and asked if he knew we were there. I didn't... because I had my brave face on. I was strong, or at least pretending to be.

The other night Jerome texted me asking how Spencer and Natalie were feeling and if they were getting better. Then he asked how I was. I told him, "I think the kids being sick has just broken the strength I thought I had to get through this. They are feeling a little better now, so I'm feeling like I can take a big breath and just breathe out all the stress..." Tonight I can't. Maybe I've just hit a point where I can't hold these feelings inside anymore. Maybe it's because I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. Maybe it's because I'm trying so very hard to be strong for everyone else. Maybe I just need to cry so I can move on and be strong again. Tonight Natalie climbed into bed with me and watched a little TV. When it was time for bed, I told her I needed her to sleep in her room. I was feeling all the emotions that had built up inside, and I just needed a good cry, but I didn't want her to know. I wanted to be strong and not let her know why I needed to sleep alone.