Robert Anderson (randerso@acad1.sahs.uth.tmc.edu) wrote: : I would like to get your opinions on this: when exactly does an engaged : couple become "married" in God's eyes?  Some say that if the two have : publically announced their plans to marry, have made their vows to God, and : are unswervingly committed to one another (I realize this is a subjective : qualifier) they are married/joined in God's sight.  The way I read Scripture, a couple becomes married when they are *physically* married, i.e. when they first have sexual intercourse.  e.g. the end of Genesis 2 (quoted from memory) ``for this reason, a man shall leave his parents and be joined to his wife, and they will become one flesh'' (Jesus also quotes this scripture referring to marriage).  If you read through Genesis in particular, you will often come across the phraseology: ``[man] lay with [woman], and she became his wife''. This implies that she became his wife when they lay together, i.e. at the point of intercourse.  Compare this with Jewish tradition: Joseph, when he heard that Mary was pregnant, had it in mind to divorce her quietly -- but Mary and Joseph were *betrothed*, not married. i.e., they were in a binding relationship (which required a divorce to get out of), but *marriage* would not occur until Mary and Joseph went to bed together.  Compare with Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5, Revelation 19): the church is described as the ``bride'' of Christ, but the *marriage* of the Lamb takes  place when Jesus returns. i.e., we are in a binding love-relationship with Jesus, but we are still looking forward to the time when the marriage will take place. I see this as the spiritual equivalent of sexual intercourse, because it represents the most intimate fellowship possible between man and God.  In summary, engagement should be honoured as a binding relationship, but it is not marriage. A civil ceremony is not marriage either. Marriage occurs at the point when the betrothed couple go to bed together. (I don't mean to demean the civil or church ceremony -- ours was great! I don't mean to be too pedantic.) Historically, I think I am correct in stating that the civil ceremony (i.e. a marriage recognised by the state), has only been around in the West since Napoleon, who introduced it to keep tabs on the people (although I'm ready to be corrected on that point!)  This view obviously raises some questions:  What about those who have had sex with one or more partners, without considering marriage. Are those people also ``married''?  If it is true that marriage occurs at the point of intercourse, is it necessary to be married in the eyes of the state? (I would say Yes, because this honours the laws of our nations in the West. Although it is not illegal to sleep together though unmarried in most Western countries, I believe that it is God- honouring to proclaim our marriage to the state and to our friends before actually consummating our marriage. Its to do with our being salt and light, and also to do with how people will perceive us; i.e. it is culturally insensitive to declare yourself married without going through a civil ceremony.)  --   ----- Michael Davis (cs89mcd@brunel.ac.uk)