UPI Washington DC, Update Desk			4/15/93    For the past several months the Clinton administration has been   stymied by mixed signals coming from the economy.  While most   leading indicators has shown an apparent improvement in the    economy, there has been no corresponding improvement in the area   of jobs creation.    The unemployment figures seem stalled at the 7% mark.  last month,   in an effort to understand this problem, President Clinton appointed   a blue ribbon panel to try to resolve the apparent conflicting   economic signals.  This panel was chaired by Vice President Gore.    Today the panel released their results, providing a shocking conclusion.   "It's the guns" Vice President Gore said.  Apparently NRA members, and other   "gun-nuts" are purchasing firearms at in record numbers, pulling the   economy out of the recession.  "Their buying them five times faster than   ever before, and stockpiling left and right", the Vice President said.      However, since many domestic firearm and ammunition manufacturers have   been experiencing hard times during the past few years, including several   declarations of bankruptcy by many leading American gun makers, they have   not rushed to increase hiring to meet the new demand.    "We want to see if this run will continue before hiring more people", said   the President of Colt industries.  "As long as Clinton is in office, we   suspect it will", he added.    In response to this new information, President Clinton announced a new   Gun Control measure to be introduced into Congress this session.  It's    called the "Ban-One-A-Month" Gun Control Bill.  Under the terms of this law,   every make and model of all firearms will be written on individual index    cards.  The cards will all be put in a big hat and the President will draw   one card every month.  Sixty days later that gun will be banned from any   further manufacture/importation or sale in this country, except to the   politically connected and to members of the National Police Force.    The President said, "This law will benefit America two ways.  When the   Gun-Of-The-Month is announced every thirty days, the gun-nuts will run   out and buy thousands of them, boosting the economy even more.  In addition,   over the long run, we will get all of these icky-evil guns off of the   street."  He also announce the appointment of Sarah Brady to oversee   this program, citing her "Honesty, and unbiased view on the subject   of gun control".    Senators Metzenbaum, DeConcini, Feinstein, and Boxer have proposed an   amendment to the Bill which would add additional index cards containing   caliber designations for all know ammunitions.  "Their stockpiling,   stockpiling, stockpiling" screamed Metzenbaum during a press conference   at the national Headquarters of Handgun Control Inc.    Senators Simon, Metzenbaum, and Moyenhan also introduced an amendment   that would make all guns illegal to possess once the last card has been   drawn from the hat.  Senator Simon was quoted as saying, "First we'll   fuck em, then we'll kick em out of bed in the morning", during a press   conference he held in the second floor Mens Restroom of the Senate   building.  He of course was referring to the fact that he would allow   the people to purchase the guns to help the economy, but would require   the BATF to seize all of the guns in America sometime in the year 2008,   after all of the cards have been drawn.    The head of the BATF responded by saying, "We will have to see if this   thing in Waco is over by then.  We may be too busy to seize all those   guns".    US House Representatives Pat Schroeder and David Skaggs of Colorado   declared this proposed law as being "reasonable gun control which won't   affect anybodys Constitutional right to own sporting guns".    - end article -    For the humor impaired :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)  :-)                                   Bill Vojak                                 vojak@icebucket.stortek.com 				NRA, ILA,                                 Colorado Firearms Coalition ------------------------------------------------------------ The CBS Nightly Propaganda With Dan Rather. (RATHER NOT!) The CBS Nightly Propaganda With Dan Rather. (RATHER BIASED!)