definitely need to start a talk page for this one i unfortunately don't know the specifics of wikipedia but isn't there a request you can stick at the top of the page for someone with some expert opinion to edit this it reads like an essay and is therefore pitched for someone at a particaulr level and is completely inaccessible as an introduction in fact it's not introducing anything it's just describing the features typical bloody student essays just like the ones i write so i unfortunately know the problems too well