up with her To prevent these feelings she sought out constant reassurance from him that he would always be there for her Like a drug she needed another and then another hit of reassurance She wanted to feel safe and secure in the relationship So we targeted her tendency to seek reassurance She agreed to reduce requests for reassurance by 25 percent and committed to simply riding out any resulting anxiety spike In this way she would not have to go cold turkey but could begin to adjust bit by bit It worked Alisha started to see that she could manage and even let go of her fears for longer and longer periods of time And it helped partner feel less burned out and more compassionate toward her Tackling avoidance requires pinpointing target behaviors The table lists a few examples of goals and how to change your behavior to reach them GOAL TARGETED BEHAVIOR CHANGE Increase social with people Initiate social increase eye contact in social situations Increase capacity for public speaking Every work meeting talk for at least three ask a question make a comment or clarify something Decrease need for reassurance from partner Learn to tolerate fears of