By BKbeerBlog November 9, 2016
Categories: Ale, Pale AleTags: American Pale Ale, Bottle King, craft beer reviews, Lagunitas, Lagunitas 12th of Never Ale, Lagunitas Brewing Company, Lagunitas Pale Ale
Weihenstephaner – Festbier
By BKbeerBlog September 20, 2019 Mudkhed to Veer Hanuman Mandir, Jaipur: 4 Trains - Railway Enquiry
Wed Sep 19 12:49:54 IST
Mudkhed to Veer Hanuman Mandir, Jaipur
4 Long-Distance Trains between Mudkhed and Veer Hanuman Mandir, Jaipur
19714 Secunderabad - Jaipu... Exp NWR MUE 1 02:42 +14 DPA 1 05:45 +7 27h 3m 24
02731 Hyderabad - Jaipur S... Exp SCR MUE 1 22:45 +18 JP* 4 06:25 -14 31h 40m 21
GNWL 1581 km 50 km/hr Category: - Good Psychology. Net Ilze Neethling
Dan is Grootmense mos eintlik simpel
Ek kuier baie in TienerLand. Ek geniet tieners ongelooflik en ek dink ons kan baie by hulle leer. Dis te sê as ons hulle verstaan. Maar voor mens tieners kan verstaan moet jy eers uitvind waarom hulle jou nie verstaan nie. En dis nogal scary!
ŉ Tiener se kognitiewe ontwikkeling beïnvloed baie fasette van sy menswees. Waar hy byvoorbeeld voorheen sy ouers idealiseer het bevraagteken hy nou toenemend sy ouers se waardes en vergelyk dit met ander s’n. Hy sien veral onreëlmatighede tussen sy ouers se waardes en gedrag raak. Dit dra by daartoe dat hy bewus word van hoe sy ouers en samelewing van die ideale afwyk, wat kan lei tot heerlike rebelse optredes! Want wat ouers/grootmense doen maak veel groter indruk as wat hulle sê. Die dat tieners nie altyd die kloutjie by die oor kry of begryp hoekom hulle grootmensreëls moet gehoorsaam nie…
As grootmense een ding sê en ŉ ander doen, weet hulle mos nie wat hulle aanvang of wil hê nie? Hoe kan mens sulke grootmense respekteer en hoe kan mens hulle vertrou? Hoekom ooreet hulle aan skyfies, sjokolade of koek en kla daarna oor vet wees? Hulle rook en drink en beoefen losbandigheid, maar tieners mag nie dieselfde doen nie? Daar’s nie geld vir die TV-lisensie nie maar genoeg vir 4 kartonne skywe? Hoe werk grootmensprioriteite?
Tieners verstaan glad nie hoekom grootmense nie practice what they preach en blykbaar nie die gevolge van hul dade kan insien nie. Nou brei hierdie vrae ook uit na godsdiens. Tieners se toenemende vermoë om hipoteses te formuleer veroorsaak dat sosiale, godsdienstige en politieke stelsels krities ontleed en alternatiewe ondersoek word. Want grootmense beoefen godsdiens op Sondae maar van Maandag tot Saterdag oortree hulle weer die 10 Gebooie. Het godsdiens nie boonop van die grootste oorloë in die geskiedenis veroorsaak nie?
Tieners raak wantrouig om die Bybel te glo omdat hulle redeneer ŉ boek wat deur grootmense geskryf is nie noodwendig vertrou kan word nie. Eintlik is hierdie normale tienervraagstukke en dis hartseer dat tieners gewoonlik stilgemaak word wanneer hulle hierdie kwessies opper, want dit laat hulle godsdiens nog meer betwyfel want wat word weggesteek, en hoe moet hulle leer as niemand wil of kan antwoord nie?
Grootmense is net so teenstrydig wanneer dit by politiek kom. Hulle stem vir demokrasie en kla dan oor die gevolge. Wat tieners veral dom maak is dat baie grootmense wat in die openbaar liberaal optree terselfdertyd koverte rassisme of diskriminasie beoefen en dit aan hulle ook probeer “afsmeer”. Tieners verafsku enige vorm van hipokrasie want inherent is tieners eintlik eerlik (onbeskof eerlik, soms tot baie ouers se skande!) Terwyl al wat tieners eintlik wil hê is live and let live. Dis waaroor hulle musiek ook gaan so hulle begryp nie dat grootmense nie die waarde van hul musiek besef nie. Tienermusiek is vrede en liefde te midde van die wêreldchaos en moet spesifiek uitgeblêr word sodat grootmense ook die boodskap kan kry (miskien sal hulle dan rigting in die lewe vind). Maar nou kla grootmense oor die harde musiek, wat tieners weer laat wonder hoekom grootmense die tegnologie ontwerp as hulle dit nie mag gebruik nie...
Musiek en tegnologie loop hand aan hand, hoe meer desibels ŉ ding het hoe harder moet dit mos gespeel word (Grootmense ontwerp ook voertuie wat 280km/uur kan ry. Hoekom? Weet hulle nie die maksimum spoedgrens is 120km/uur nie?)
Dus, redeneer tieners, is grootmense mos eintlik simpel. Hulle maak nie sin nie. Nie net is hulle onvoorspelbaar en onbetroubaar nie, hulle ontwerp ook tegnologie wat nie gebruik mag word nie en dit wat wel gebruik mag word, verstaan hulle weer nie. Hulle weet nie eens die verskil tussen Megabites en Gigabites of hoe BlueTooth en Infrared werk nie (Wanneer ŉ tiener jou wegkeer van sy rekenaar is dit meestal omdat hy bang is jy crash sy hardeskyf).
Daar’s nog tonne ander bewyse dat grootmense nie eintlik weet wat aangaan nie, soos stupid vrae. As ŉ tiener op die bed lê en staar, moenie vra wat hy doen nie. Verwag maar ŉ onbeskofte antwoord, dis mos logies: hy dink! As grootmense dit nie kan sien nie is hulle nog meer neandertal as wat hy besef het. Maar miskien is dit omdat grootmense nie “Inge-Digi-Kaans” kan praat nie. Baie grootmense glo wraggies steeds ŉ chip is ŉ aartappelskyfie, ŉ program iets op TV, ŉ web ŉ spinnerak, ŉ virus een of ander griep, en ŉ muis ŉ ding wat gate kou in meelsakke.
Nee wat, tieners surf liewer die Net, want destydse boeklees het grootmense ooglopend dom gemaak anders sou hulle mos nie die wêreld so verwoes het en nou van tieners verwag om hul kastaiïngs uit die vuur te krap nie (Of is dit eerder dat grootmense die boeke nie gelees het nie…?) Dan is grootmense mos boonop onregverdig ook?
Dit moet werklik moeilik wees vir tieners om met grootmense huis te hou! Tieners is pro-red-die-wêreld en vir liefde en vrede terwyl grootmense aanhoudend bewys hulle wil alles rondom hulle vernietig, hulself veral. Geen tiener kan dit verstaan nie want eintlik is die Lewe ŉ wonderlike plek. Nou vra tieners hoe hulle van so ŉ generasie kan verwag om leiding te gee. Hoe kan tieners grootmensadvies ernstig opneem? En hoekom mag tieners nie opstandig voel daaroor nie? Die grootmense wat as rolmodelle moes dien het gate in die osoonlaag en global warming versaak, die ekonomie en opvoedkundige asook politieke geleenthede opgedinges, is betrokke by soveel vorme van misbruik en mishandeling; trap klei al die pad. Mens kan nie help om te wonder wat gee tieners hoop vir die toekoms nie: is dit dalk die feit dat grootmense vir hulle soveel wonderlike voorbeelde stel van wat om nie te doen nie?
Maar miskien is wat elke geslag red, die feit dat hul tieners meer intelligent as die vorige geslag s’n gebore word en meer geredelik kan aanpas by omstandighede...
Dalk is dit wat hulle hoop gee!
Thank you for contributions and feedback
Having a website is nothing new or strange in today’s time and age. Internet has provided us with the means to reach across time and space and build a global village, a ‘village’ where people with similar concerns and interests can connect and share ideas, values, beliefs, and support each other; never mind where you are on the Globe.
This is a quick blog to say thank you... since I don’t know how else to reach all of you. Thank you to everyone who contributed to the resources page or blog and is still contributing to www.goodpsychology.net (It could use some more blogging articles though...)
When I started this website couple of years ago, it was simply an idea where to ‘store’ valuable resources and to provide information especially to those in areas where information and finances otherwise are limited (Ok Ok I have to admit, also because I kept losing necessary links otherwise and also because I enjoy a platform to share writing). But even if one article or link provides only one of you with a light bulb moment or with the necessary ‘bump’ to get you to ‘jump’ in your particular needed direction – then it is worthwhile to continue.
Since then the resources pages have grown, and contributions as well. For that I am so thankful. Because – it means, somewhere out there, someone finds the site useful and is using it.
For which ever purposes you are using this site, I also enjoy running it. At times I don’t always have the time, and at times it becomes rather tedious, but then I receive letters and thank you’s and additional links – which inspires me to get my butt in gear again to search for even more links and information (you really know how to keep a girl on her toes!)
So, a BIG Thank You again for all your contributions - I am looking forward to even more contributions and updated information!
Being switzerland - when your friends divorce﻿
Most break-ups are painful. Not only for those who divorce, or their children, but also for family and friends. How do you prevent getting caught in the middle, and be a friend to both without ending up the bad guy yourself?
It’s best to develop certain “rules” for yourself -
Never choose sides. Be honest with your friends about this. Let them know that you value both their friendships, that you will continue being a friend, and will do your best to stay neutral (To be their Switzerland). Try to offer both freedom to vent feelings but do not get drawn into declarations of loyalty one way or the other (It’s a different scenario if there’s a clearly wrong party, however, e.g. abuse). Remember, this is their issue, not yours, and you're only trying to be a friend. (If you find your friendship isn’t helping, or that you're getting caught in the crossfire between them all the time, get out. Don't let their problems turn into your problems.)
Don’t judge. Unless you have the facts, never reveal your own opinion on who is right or wrong. He said/she said is seldom accurate, people always perceive the same incidents in completely different ways. Perceptions differ. Simply listen, be a sounding board, and "reflect" each friend’s feelings back to them. You don’t accidentally want to confirm the “wrong” believes or ideas.
Don’t’ diminish either friend’s pain. Even in an amicable divorce, both your friends are hurting. Both grieve for the loss of dreams, hopes, lifestyle, a lost future they originally planned together, and obviously, stress about the children. Once again, simply listen and offer them the opportunity to air their grievances or hurt. This involves silence when you may not want to be silent. This involves keeping the information you hear confidential even when you are asked by someone what the person said. This involves paying attention even when you may have heard the same story more than once.
Don’t act as a go-between. In international relations, this concept is called "shuttle diplomacy," where a mediator goes back and forth between two parties working on some kind of reconciliation (or to start world war 3). Such is not your job. Don't agree to carry any messages or "tell them something" when you next see the other party.
Keep your own agenda out of it. Even if you think the divorce is for stupid reasons, too bad (And if you want to introduce either one to your brother or sister -Don’t). It’s not your decision, and it’s not your life. Respect their choices and opinions, simply try to ensure their decisions make them happy.
Don’t trash the Ex. Expect anything you say to one to get back to the other. In his or her frustrations, one of them might use your “Hmms” or “Aahs” as validation of feelings or actions to prove some point to the previous partner, and eventually, you will suddenly find yourself of betraying secrets (in some cases, even being accused of trying to keep them apart).
Don’t gossip. You don’t want to keep the dramas going. It’s not necessary to share when a new girl-or boyfriend is introduced or that s/he was caught in a traffic accident, or anything else (sometimes an option is to simply ask which information can or should be shared).
Don’t compare new partners. Resist attempts by either friend to compare a new boy-or girlfriend to the Ex, whether they be smarter (or less smart), more sophisticated, the same haircut or anything. That EX is also your friend and requires your respect, as well as their previous relationship. Only when either one of them gets involved with a clearly wrong partner (e.g. a pathological criminal, serious personality traits) you can gently share your concerns.
Assist with the children (if this is acceptable to your friends). Consider taking them to the movies or other fun activities, collecting them from school, and so forth. It's a difficult and bewildering time for them as well. Just be careful not to take over their parents’ roles e.g. becoming the only one who disciplines them, or paying more attention to them than their own parents. And do not overcompensate for their losses by spoiling them too much or buying expensive gifts! (You will find yourself being manipulated in the long run. Children can be very clever to manipulate any situation to their advantage, and to play off adults against each other).
Neither is it your job to explain the divorce to the children. You may answer innocent and factual questions, though, but remember that the parents should explain the why’s and how’s to them.
Don't involve yourself to the exclusion of your own life because you feel so obligated to help your poor friends that you neglect your own relations.
If all else fails, detach from both until the dust settles. This is a last resort, to be taken only if you find yourself being “swallowed whole” by the situation. Tell them both very gently that you love and value the friendship with both of them, but find yourself too much in the middle of things for your comfort or to be of help to either of them. While you want to remain friends with both of them that you want to be sure you do not intrude upon their private hell or to worsen matters. Let them know that you want to give them the time and space they need to work out their issues without your interference.
Help them to reach out for help if they need it. If you notice your friend/s start showing symptoms of depression or experience unusual stress or anxieties, or when the children start acting out, consider helping them to find a professional person to assist them.
Finally, also remember that just because you were "friends first" with one friend doesn't mean you are contracted by the friendship code to be on their particular side in a break-up.
You are allowed to make your own decisions about whether you want to maintain a friendship with the other friend, or, to break up with the first friend as well. In particular if one has behaved so badly in the breakup (even when given chances to explain themselves, and the full benefit of your friendship) that you really don't want to be friends with them anymore, you have the right to “divorce” that friend, too.
Divorce is never easy! Neither is playing Switzerland. Best of luck to both yourself and your friends.
Superbugs. MRSA. Hospital ward closures. Ten million people predicted to die. No new antibiotics. If you’ve read headlines such as these, chances are they’ll come to mind when thinking about antibiotic resistance. The problem seems distant and removed from anything happening in everyday life.
But antibiotic resistance affects everyday life: any time an antibiotic is used, the risk of developing resistance increases. This resistance can spread to family and other members of the community, creating a pool of resistant bacteria. These resistant bacteria become problematic when an infection occurs and antibiotics that would have treated the infection are no longer effective.
A study we published today in the Journal of Antimicrobial Chemotherapy investigated perceptions about antibiotic resistance. We looked at results from 54 studies involving a total of 55,225 people who answered questionnaires or took part in interviews.
The data showed that on average, across the studies, 70% of people had heard of antibiotic resistance but most did not understand it: 88% of those surveyed thought the body became resistant to the antibiotics, rather than bacteria becoming resistant to the antibiotics.
But gaps in knowledge do not appear to be the main issue. More than 70% of people knew that using too many or unnecessary antibiotics caused antibiotic resistance.
The problem was they did not think they used too many or that their antibiotic use was unnecessary. In fact, they typically thought that other people were the issue – doctors prescribing too many, other people using them unnecessarily and governments not tackling the issue.
It’s easy to overlook individual contributions as a ‘drop in the ocean’. Lucas Jackson/Reuters
It is not only the public that feel this way. Another review of studies we recently completed included 11,593 health professionals from 57 studies. Most (90%) of those surveyed thought using too many antibiotics caused resistance, but less than 70% believed it was a problem for their clinical practice.
Around half said antibiotic resistance influenced whether they prescribed an antibiotic.
Some also said they did not see antibiotic resistance as a priority when faced with treating an individual patient. They attributed responsibility to patients, other countries and health-care settings.
Why do we think we’re not to blame?
It’s unclear why people do not think they personally contribute to antibiotic resistance. Perhaps it is because there are so many contributors to the resistance problem – antibiotic use in humans, animals and the environment – that it is easy to overlook individual contributions as a “drop in the ocean”. Not only that, the consequences of antibiotic resistance may seem distant and have been dehumanised, fostering the belief that “it will not happen to me".
In contrast, sitting with a doctor in a one-to-one consultation is very much a personal interaction where the doctor and their patient might be more concerned about treating a specific infection than the risk of antibiotic resistance to society. This type of thinking is an example of the “tragedy of the commons”, where shared resources are used for individual benefit until the point where they are used up and nobody can benefit.
Some doctors don’t see antibiotic resistance as a priority when faced with treating an individual patient. Reuters/Regis Duvignau
Many people also tend to think they need something when they are sick and doctors may feel pressure to meet their patients' expectations of treatment. Expectations are often inaccurate – people overestimate the benefits and underestimate the harms of treatment. Research shows that antibiotics offer little or no benefits for some common infections such as colds, coughs and sore throats.
There is no simple answer. But there is no doubt a societal approach is needed. Governments, health professionals, veterinarians, members of the public and various industries are all working towards solutions. The World Health Organisation suggests that surveillance of antimicrobial resistance, regulating antibiotic use in humans and animals, infection prevention and control, and research innovations are all needed to tackle the crisis.
The challenge is ongoing. But a key message to take away from our recent research is that although antibiotic resistance might feel distant, it is everyone’s problem. It is individuals who decide to use antibiotics, and it is individuals who have the power to minimise use and halt antibiotic resistance.
Amanda McCullough, Research Fellow at Centre for Research in Evidence-based Practice; Chris Del Mar, Professor of Public Health, and Tammy Hoffmann, A/Prof Clinical Epidemiology, Bond University; NHMRC Research Fellow, The University of Queensland
Psychological Abuse (one of various types of abuse)
Psychological abuse occurs when one's feelings, thoughts, preferences, desires, needs, appearance or friendships are trivialized or made to appear inconsequential relative to the abuser's. In other words, the abuser constructs the relationship and the world of the victim according to his terms and conditions over that of the abused and for his own gratification, which is often simply control over the abused.
In view of the abuse, her friends may try to warn her and may even threaten the abuser to cease his behaviour. Parents may find themselves in conflict with their daughter, recognizing her plight, but unable to convince her of the dynamics. After all, he started out so nice and he had his own issues, so he must love me underneath all of our problems and besides, I can't leave him, because his welfare now rests on my shoulders.
If your loved one or friend is in a psychologically abusive relationship and is resisting your help, then go with her to counselling. Don't fight her as this only pits you against her and she will feel only more threatened, overwhelmed and then withdraw. Instead, seek to support her by understanding her fears the result his manipulations. In counselling, discuss your worries for her well-being without threatening her abusive relationship. She is already abused. Trying to control her more, even if truly in her interest is confrontational and may be inadvertently misconstrued as abusive and may erode an otherwise wholesome relationship.
How do you know you are dating a Loser? Identifying damaging relationships
Love and relationships can be wonderful, but not when you are involved with a “Loser”.
“"The Loser" is a type of partner that creates much social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship. "The Loser" has permanent personality characteristics that create massive damage to his/her partner. These are characteristics that they accept simply as the way they are and not a problem or psychological difficulty.”
To be in a relationship with the Loser, means years of social, emotional and psychological damage. There will be a mean and then being sweet behavioural cycle, you will be blamed from anything from 9-11 to his behaviour towards you (it’s always your fault) including his business failures, and the bottomline – S/he will kill your self-confidence and leave you doubting your value and belief structures and even wondering why you have been placed on earth.
Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., Psychologist; supplies insightful and helpful handouts to clients on this. While his site claims the handouts to be reproducible if the author is credited, I do not accidentally want my blog to be considered for plagiarism, hence I attach/embed 2 handouts, and refer you for further reading:
http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html: Warning Signs You're Dating a Loser And if you keep going back to the Loser….
http://counsellingresource.com/lib/therapy/self-help/stockholm/: The mystery of loving an abuser
Disinherited … [Or F’d, by Sibs] - How to act, think, do…..Or Not
This is always a sore subject. I do not promise to tell you how you should feel, or what the heck happened, or, what to do about it all.
And maybe you are not disinherited, but simply the by-product of devious family members.
Sometimes family members are obvious sharks (no reflection on SA rugby teams…LoL ) Other times, family can be rats: stealthily nibbling away over time… without us noticing them…carrying various diseases.
I DO however, propose some questions which might assist you in your personal journey towards healing.
You might struggle with all these questions underneath. If only some, you are fortunate:
· I am not worth anything
· My sister/brother/sibs do not consider me as ‘worthwhile’
· Was I ever considered part of the family?
· Why ever, would my parents consider me as not worthwhile, ‘inheriting?’
· Where, did it start to go wrong?
· What did I do wrong?
· Is everything we joined as children, to be thrown away/considered as non-existent?
· OK. Now I can really make a large list of everywhere I was a “bad” child…
· Damn. Give me a list of GOOD children who DESERVE to inherit
· Where and how, do we draw the line?
· What on earth does DESERVE mean?
· Am I such a shitty child/brother/sister?
· Ok, let’s take a look – O my, was there EVER any relationships?
· Did I bullshit myself all these years?
· So where now, am I bull-shitting myself further; where and how should I change my present life?
· If I am so bad, how can I expect to have other functional relationships in the future?
· I thought I had good relationships with my sibs
· Why the hell did my parents endow me with decency, and deviousness to the other sibs?
· How could I have interpreted my whole life and family relations, so wrong?
· How does this all, change my view of people/human race/etc?
· What should I do now, with all my previous believes and trust, and longings – never mind survival?
· Implication for future/other relations?
· Which lawyer should I contact? Should I, at all?
· I still don’t believe my sister/brother can do this to me..
I can continue a long, long list of all this type of questions! You yourself…might ask yourself similar questions. Please be honest in your answers. Not to me, or anyone else – but to yourself.
And - Stop confronting yourself with everything you might have done so-called wrong!
If you are a decent human being, you very well might struggle with most of the questions above.
I think… and believe…
Struggle with all your questions long and hard. As long as it takes. You might not get the “right” or “real” answers; but, the actual issue is, to find answers you can live, and move forward, with.
You very well might have to contract a legal representative (just make sure it is someone who specialises in your problem-area)
But don't expect the nightmares simply to go away. They never do.
We simply learn to live with it. And sometimes, to live with the people involved, as well.
You might have to leave some people behind, in your decision/s….
Bugger the rest. The answers to the questions above, has nothing to do with anyone, besides yourself.
My other message to you is –
You did nothing wrong. You can’t be blamed for stupidity of others!!
Author: George Sachs PsyD
NBC anchor Brian Williams' recent exposure as an exaggerator par excellence surprised many people. Bill O'Reilly is also getting heat for inflating his image. Are these just celebrities enhancing their brand or something more pathological? Seems there's a fine line between male bravado and true narcissism.
So how can you tell if your man is just behaving badly, boasting and bragging inappropriately, or is harboring or more deep-seeded psychological problem like Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
A narcissist's outer qualities can make him appear alpha and even more attractive -- at first. It's not until you take a closer look at his personal life do you see red flags.
1. He has a pervasive need for admiration. He wants the topic of conversation to be about him. If you talk about yourself, he'll slowly and subtly change the conversation to something flattering about him.
2. He is envious of others' success. If you tell him about your promotion at work, he won't express tremendous emotion for you. Your promotion triggers his insecurity about his own perceived lack of success, sending him into a place of self-doubt and self-loathing. Clearly, from this emotionally negative place, there is little room for you and your successes.
3. He reacts with "enhanced anger" (a.k.a. rage) when his ego is threatened. Any little mistake you point out can provoke his shame, which almost immediately triggers anger. He doesn't like to look bad or be wrong.
4. He doesn't discuss his inner life, mainly because he feels such private shame about himself. He won't share his dreams, reflections, or memories. If he does talk about the past, it's probably to enhance his image. When the past does come up, you should seriously question its validity.
5. He'll project his negative qualities onto others. He's afraid of being seen as "less than" and refuses to face his weaknesses. If he feels weak or threatened, he'll accuse another of that same negative quality.
6. He doesn't take blame for situations. He blames others for making him late or making him do something, rather than admit fault himself. He can never be wrong, even in the face of overwhelming contrary evidence.
7. He needs to be right, and doesn't respect others' opinions. This refers to political opinions or otherwise. It can also manifest as conflict at work. He may frequently butt heads with coworkers and bosses. He often doesn't respect the unwritten protocols of the workplace. Again, he will blame and shame the other when he's called to task for his errors.
8. He lacks empathy. He can't imagine himself in another person's shoes. He doesn't understand why someone would do something he wouldn't, and doesn't try to understand others' feelings. This may leave you confused, angry and feeling misunderstood.
9. His romantic relationships are shallow, and he maintains them with difficulty. He's never had a deep, intimate relationship. It's hard to know this for sure since he likely won't disclose much. But looking at his past dating patterns can be an indicator.
10. He's a perfectionist. He's very conscious of his appearance. His clothing, his choices -- everything about his outer life must appear flawless to onlookers. He will go to great lengths to cover up his imperfections.
What's the underlying feeling behind these symptoms?
This outward behavior is just a mask. Underneath, there is real pain, insecurity and a fragile ego. Most importantly, there's chronic shame: a painful emotion caused by a feeling that he is "not enough."
This shame, often unconscious, is so uncomfortable that he will avoid it at all cost. That's why he tries so hard to appear put together and worthy on the outside.
Narcissists often grew up with very strict or even narcissistic parents. These parents held him to high or even impossible standards. He learned not to say the wrong thing for fear of his parents' disapproval or wrath. This taught him to wear a mask and put on a show to look good for others.
He learned other coping mechanisms to stay sane. Another one involves lying to himself, or exaggerating achievements. He gives himself praise to justify his self-worth, because he received so little positive external feedback growing up.
So the next time you hear the Carly Simon song "You probably think this song is about you, don't you" and it reminds you of his negative traits, remember compassion.
It's difficult for narcissists to admit they have a problem. They often don't seek professional help themselves, because they don't realize they need it. It's normally friends and family who bring them in to see a therapist. That's one option.
Another simple way to help is to be vulnerable yourself. This will likely throw him off, since he's used to putting on a front for fear of criticism. It may surprise him, and he may begin to trust you. He may eventually respond by opening up as well.
When he behaves insensitively towards you, tell him why it hurts your feelings. If he begins to respond in a caring way, you probably positively influenced him. Hopefully he'll change his behavior towards you.
There's a chance these attempts to empathize with him and bring him out of his shell won't work. If he continues to behave badly, it can negatively impact your own self esteem. If he's unable or unwilling to change, it may be time to stop seeing him.
With hard work, therapy and emotional support, however, your man can hopefully come out of the narcissist's closet, claim his true imperfect self and be the best partner he can be.
George Sachs PsyD is an adult and child psychologist in private practice in Manhattan.
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/mental-health-articles/are-you-dating-a-narcissist-7215822.html
Dr. Sachs is a licensed clinical child and adult psychologist, specializing in the treatment of ADD, ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders in children, teen and adults. Dr. Sachs did his clinical training in Chicago at Cook County Hospital, Mt. Sinai Hospital and the Child Study Center. He completed his training at the Children's Institute in Los Angeles. Dr. Sachs consulted to Juilliard in New York City, providing counseling to their dance, drama, and orchestral students. Dr. Sachs is author of the upcoming book: "Sachs Center Guide to Adult ADD." Dr. Sachs has appeared on major media outlets, discussing his unique approach to ADD/ ADHD treatment. Dr. Sachs also writes for the Huffington Post and Big City Moms blog.