I totally agree that race should be one of those open hand preferences, but I don’t agree that it, or other ‘preferences’ are meaningless when dealing with conflict. Ngeshwa, in my experience, what I felt was an open hand preference, and surrendered it in favor of the Godly man before me,became a serious source of tension in my marriage, many years later, when my husband gained alot of weight, on top of what I already considered was an overweight frame. I had always been attracted to more athletic types, so when I was faced with even more weight gain, Ngiyavuma, I was sexually turned off. That led to conflict, and the conflict made my preference become a mountain. Instead of being a simple physical preference I put aside in favor of the bigger picture of the wonderful man of God he is, the conflict we were having about me not being enthusiastic about sex, sparked feelings that I ‘gave up’ something that was tangibly important and necessary, and now was faced with having to be a dutiful and loving sexual partner to someone I could not respond to physically. Only God’s grace has brought us through thus far, but, ngokwethembeka, his body is still a major turn off, and I still wish I had hung on to my preference and waited for someone who fit my physical type, as well as my need for a Godly husband