Kuleli jele lobudimoni, ngangingaphansi ngisho kwenja elahlekile emehlweni alawa maphoyisa amabi; ayengangishayi futhi angithethise nje kuphela, kodwa lawa maphoyisa amabi ayengena njalo futhi ngokushesha ahlakaze umbhede wami kanye nezinto zami zonakale. Futhi, ngaso sonke isikhathi uma kwenzeka iziphithiphithi ezithile ngaphandle kwejele, abantu abaphethe lapho ejele ngezindaba zezombusazwe babeza kimi futhi bangiphonse imibuzo ukuze bathole imibono yami ngalezo zehlakalo futhi njalo babengibhozomela ngokuthi kungani ngihamba endleleni yokukholwa kuNkulunkulu. Isikhathi ngasinye lapho ngibhekana nalolu hlobo lokuphenywa ngemibuzo, inhliziyo yami yayigxuma ivale umphimbo wami ngenxa yokuthi ngangingazi ukuthi yimaphi amaqhinga amabi ababenawo engqondweni ngami. Inhliziyo yami yayithandaza masinyane kuNkulunkulu futhi ngikhalele usizo nokuqondiswa ngokuphuma kule nkinga. Usuku ngosuku, unyaka nonyaka, ukuhlukunyezwa, ukuxhashazwa, nokucindezelwa kwakungihlukumeza ngendlela engachazeki: Usuku ngalunye ngangigidlabezwa ngomsebenzi wezandla kanye nemisebenzi enesidina, ekhathazayo yezombusazwe, futhi ngangihlushwa ukugula kwami kanti ngaphezu kwakho konke, ngangicindezelekile engqondweni. Kwakungenza ngifise ukufa. Ikakhulukazi lapho ngibona isiboshwa sesifazane esesiqinile sizilengisa ngefasitela phakathi nobusuku ngenxa yokuthi singasakwazi ukubekezelela ukuhlushwa okunonya ngamaphoyisa amabi, esinye isiboshwa sesifazane esesikhulile safa ngokwephuza ukuthola ukwelashwa ngenxa yokugula kwaso, ngazithola ngisenkingeni efanayo futhi ngaphinde ngaqala ukufuna ukuzibulala. Ngezwa sengathi ukufa kuwuhlobo olungcono lokukhululeka. Kodwa ngangazi ukuthi lokho kwakuzobe kuwukukhaphela uNkulunkulu futhi angikwenzanga. Ngangingenayo enye indlela ngaphandle kokubekezelela bonke ubuhlungu futhi ngizithobe emalungiselelweni kaNkulunkulu. Kodwa ngokushesha lapho ngicabanga nje ngesigwebo sami eside, futhi ngicabanga ngokuthi kwakusekude kangakanani ukuba ngithole ukukhululeka, ngezwa kungekho mazwi okuchaza ubuhlungu nokuphelelwa yithemba kwami; ngezwa sengathi anginakukwazi ukuqhubeka nokubekezelela lokhu futhi angazi ukuthi ngizokwazi isikhathi eside kangakanani ukubambelela. Zingakanani izikhathi engangingenzi lutho ngazo kodwa ngizimboze ngengubo yami phakathi nobusuku bese ngikhala, ngithandaza futhi ngincenga uNkulunkulu uSomandla futhi ngimtshela ngabo bonke ubuhlungu obabusemqondweni wami. Ngesikhathi sobuhlungu nokuphelelwa yithemba okukhulu kakhulu kwami, ngacabanga: Ngiyahlukumezeka namuhla ukuze ngizahlukanise nokukhohlakala bese ngithola insindiso kaNkulunkulu. Lobu bunzima buyilokho okufanele ngikuzwe, futhi yilokhu okumele ngikuzwe. Masinyane lapho ngicabanga ngalokhu, angibange ngisabuzwa ubuhlungu; kunalokho, ngezwa ukuthi ukufakwa kwami ejele ngenxa yokholo lwami kuNkulunkulu, nokubekezelela ubunzima ukuze ngithole insindiso kwakuyinto ebaluleke kakhulu neyenani elikhulu; lokhu kuhlukumezeka kwakubaluleke kakhulu! Ngokungazi, ukucindezeleka kwenhliziyo yami kwaguquka kwaba yinjabulo futhi angikwazanga ukubamba imizwa yami; ngaqala ukucula iculo lokuhlangenwe nakho engangilejwayele enhliziyweni yami elinesihloko esithi “Ukungaphileli Ize”: “Ukungaphileli ize, naphezu kobunzima, kunenjongo; ukungaphileli ize, ngeke sibubalekele ubunzima; ukungaphileli ize, sithola amathuba okwazi uNkulunkulu; ukungaphileli ize, siyazikhandla ngoNkulunkulu oPhezukonke. Ubani obusiseke kakhulu ukwedlula thina? Ubani onenhlanhla enkulu ukwedlula thina? Lokho uNkulunkulu asiphe khona kwedlula konke okwezizukulwane ezedlule; kufanele siphilele uNkulunkulu, kufanele sikhokhele uNkulunkulu ngothando Lwakhe olukhulu.” Ngaliphindaphinda iculo enhliziyweni yami futhi lapho ngicula ngokwengeziwe enhliziyweni yami, kwaba yilapho ngikhuthazeka ngokwengeziwe; lapho ngicula ngokwengeziwe, ngezwa ngokwengeziwe nginamandla kanye nenjabulo. Ngazithola sengenza isifungo phambi kukaNkulunkulu: “Oh Nkulunkulu Somandla, ngiyakubonga ngokungiduduza Kwakho nangokungikhuthaza okungenze ngaphinde ngaba nokholo nesibindi sokuqhubeka ngiphila. Ungivumele ukuba ngizwe ukuthi Wena uyiNkosi ngempela yokuphila kwami nokuthi Wena ungamandla okuphila kwami. Nakuba ngiboshwe kulo mgodi wesihogo, angingedwa, ngoba Wena ngaso sonke isikhathi ubulokhu unami kulezi zinsuku zobumnyama; unginikeze ukholo ngokuphindaphindiwe kanye nokukhuthalela ukuqhubeka nokuphila. O Nkulunkulu, uma ngingakwazi ukuphuma lapha ngelinye ilanga futhi ngiphile ngokukhululeka, khona-ke ngiyofeza imisebenzi yami futhi ngeke ngisazwisa inhliziyo Yakho ubuhlungu noma ngizenzele ezami izinhlelo. O Nkulunkulu, kungakhathaleki ukuthi zilukhuni noma zinzima kangakanani izinsuku ezingaphambili, ngizimisele ukuthembela Kuwe ukuze ngiqhubeke ngiphile ngamandla!”