Kleintyd het ons in ‘n huis gebly met so ‘n laaaaaang gang. Ons kamer was aan die onderpunt van die gang en pappa en mamma se kamer aan die bopunt van die gang. As klein seuntjie was ek baaaaie bang. Baie keer het ek wakker geword na ‘n nagmerrie met ‘n hartjie wat so vlak in die keel geklop het. Ek het dan die komberse oor my kop getrek en dis net daar waar die moeilikheid begin het. Met jou kop onder die komberse het die bang net al hoe groter geword want dan het jy allerhande geluide gehoor. Naderhand het ek soveel dinge gehoor en was my bang so groot dat ek die komberse afgegooi het, uitgespring het en met so ‘n holruggie in die gang af-gehardloop het. Dan het ek by pappa en mamma se voete ingespring en dan het my bang so stukkie vir stukkie verdwyn.
Nou is ek al groot maar so somtyds kom lê die bang ook nog so vlak in die keel. Die spoke het nou net nuwe jaste gekry. s ek so vorentoe kyk dan voel ek ook partykeer om my kop onder die komberse toe te trek, want al die nuwegeite wat voorlê laat ‘n mens wonder of jy hierdie spoke ook gaan kan wen. Dis dan wat ek maar net weer besef, al hoe ek hulle kan wen, is om maar weer die komberse af te gooi en die spoke te “face”.
So by so het ek my die afgelope tyd gereeld afgevra; “hoekom is ek so bang?”. Binne die “bekende” (ons comfortzone) voel ons veilig en is die moontlikheid dat dinge baie vinnig en drasties kan verander eindlik baie klein. Juis daarom bly ons binne die grense van die bekende en beproefde dinge. Die oomblik as die wêreldjie waarbinne ons lewe, dan ewe skielik deur ‘n aardbewing geskud word, tuimel al ons veiligheid en sekerhede daarmee saam ineen en dan voel ons soos ‘n skilpad sonder ‘n dop. Nêrens meer veilig nie.
Dis juis dan, as jy nie meer ‘n plek het waar jy veilig kan voel nie, dat dit so wonderlik is dat jy gang-af kan hardloop na die een wat groter is, as al jou spoke. Ons Pappa Vader! Dan kom Sy son van liefde, krag en genade op wat al die ou spoke sommer laat verdwyn. Dan lyk alles sommer heeltemal anders as wat dit in die donker gelyk het. Maar, die wonder van Sy liefde is dat dit nooit net mooi woorde is nie. Dit is ‘n DOEN liefde. Dis dan dat Hy ons Sy nuwe toekoms vir ons lewens begin wys wat soveel mooier is, as die ou verroeste “comfortzones” waarbinne ons soooo lank soooo tuis geraak het.
So, die antwoord op my vraag; “hoekom is ek so bang?” is eindlik dood-eenvoudig. Moenie jou kop toetrek onder die kombers nie, want dan kom groei daar spoke in jou kop. Staan op, hol in die regte rigting en wag saam met jou Pappa Vader op die sonsopkoms van Sy liefde, krag en genade.
When I was a young boy, we stayed in a house with a looooong corridor. Our room was at the bottom of the corridor, with dad and mom’s room at the top of the corridor. I must admit that I was very scared of the dark as a little boy. Many a time I would wake up at night to a nightmare, with my heart shallowly beating in my throat. I then would pull the blankets over my head and it was just then that the trouble started. With my head under the blankets, my fear just grew bigger and bigger, because you could hear all kinds of sounds, without being able to see anything. It then didn’t take too long before I was totally overwhelmed by my fear. Then, when I couldn’t stand it anymore, I would gather all my courage, throw off the blankets and made a dash for my parent’s room on the other side of the corridor. I would then jump into Dad and Mom’s bed, and cuddled at their feet, even though it sometimes smelled a bit (hie-hie) and then slowly the fear would dissipate and subside.
Now I’m a grownup man, but even now, I still sometimes feel the pinch of fear in my throat. The ghosts have not changed, they only got new coats. When I look at my future and what lays ahead, I also sometimes feel like pulling the blankets over my head, because leaving your comfort zone make you quite often wonder if you’re going to win all these giants and ghosts. Every time it happens, I just realize again, I can only triumph over my ghosts, if I am willing to throw off my fears, take responsibility for my own life and fight them.
During the past weeks I have asked myself a couple of times; “Why am I so scared?”. Within the familiarity of our comfort zone we feel safe and the chances that things can go wrong and change very quickly and drastically, are very slim. That’s precisely why we stay within the limits of our familiar and proven surroundings. Then, when the world in which we are living, gets suddenly shaken by one of life’s unpredicted earthquakes, our comfort zones are turned upside down and make us almost feel like a turtle without a shell. Nowhere safe anymore.
It is precisely then, if you no longer have a place to hide, that it is so wonderful to realize that you can call on someone who is far bigger than your biggest fears. Our Abba Father! When His sun of love, strength, and mercy rises, all of our ghosts and fears just suddenly seems to disappear. Isn’t it amazing how different everything looks in the light in comparison to what it looked like in the dark? But the miracle of His love is that it is never just beautiful words. It’s a DOING love. In the light of His love, He then begins to show us His brand-new future for our lives, which is so much prettier than the old rusted “comfort zones”, in which we have found comfort for such a long time.
So, the answer to my question; “Why am I so scared?” is actually quite obvious. Do not pull the blankets over your head, because it is the breeding ground for all of your fears, assumptions, and ghosts. Face your giants and ghosts, focus in the right direction, get moving and wait on the sunrise of your heavenly Father’s love, power, and grace.
Tagged bang, change, comfort-zone, conquer, curveballs, Faith, fear, Geloof, new-beginnings, toekoms, uitdagings, veiligheid, verandering, vrees, wen
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