"ekuhlanganeni kwami nomsebenzi kankulunkulu nangenxa yokufuna kwami igama kanye nesikhundla, ngangibhekane nezingqinamba kanye nokwehluleka okuningi. ngangiphambuke kaningi, futhi ngenxa yalokhu ngangibhekane nokulungiswa kanye nokucwengwa. ngaya ngokuya, ngabona isikhundla singabalulekile kakhulu, futhi engangikade ngikukholwa ngaphambili—ukuthi ngaphandle kwesikhundla alikho ikusasa kanye nokuthi akekho oyobheka kuwe—lo mbono oyiphutha waguquka. manje sengilandele unkulunkulu iminyaka eyi--15. ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho ngicabanga ngomsebenzi kankulunkulu kimi, kuba njalo nomuzwa omnandi ongifikelayo. angeke ngikhohlwe uthando nensindiso kankulunkulu kimi. ukube kwakungesikhona ukuthi unkulunkulu wayehlela isimo sami futhi ebhekana nezifiso zami zesikhundla ngasekuqaleni kwempilo yami, ngangiyokwazi kanjani ukuqhubeka ngiphila ngokholo engase ngiphile ngalo iminyaka eminingi kangaka futhi olwase lube ukuphila kwami? ukube kwakungesikhona ukufika ngesikhathi kwensindiso kankulunkulu, ngabe ngisaphila ngokuvumelana nobuthi kanye nemithetho kasathane, futhi ngichitha ukuphila kwami ngenxa yephupho elingeke lifezeke. futhi ukube kwakungezona izambulo nokucwengwa okuphindaphindiwe unkulunkulu, ngabe ngisalokhu ngiqhubekela phambili endleleni engalungile futhi bengingeke ngiqaphele ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukuzazi kwami nokuthi sinamandla kangakanani isifiso sami sokuba nesikhundla. ikakhulukazi ngangingeke ngibone ukuthi ngiyisitha sikankulunkulu. kwakungumsebenzi kankulunkulu omangalisayo owenza ukuthi kube naleyo nqopha--mlando yoguquko ekuphileni kwami, okwenza izinkolelo zami ezimbi engangizilwela iminyaka eminingi zincibilike ngalezo zinkinga, zishabalale ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. kwavumela ubumqoka obuyiphutha kanye nokubuka kwami ukuphila ukuba kuguquke kakhulu, futhi kwangivumela ukuba ngiqonde ukuthi ukufuna iqiniso nokufeza umsebenzi wokuba yisidalwa kuphela okuwukuphila kwangempela komuntu, kanye nokuthi kungokulahla kuphela ithonya likasathane lobumnyama nangokuphila okusekelwe emazwini kankulunkulu okungenza ukuthi ngiphile ukuphila okunenjongo nokubaluleka. kuyisithelo sokwahlulela nokusola kukankulunkulu ngokuphelele okwenze ngaba nokuqonda kanye noguquko engibe nalo namuhla. nakuba ukubhekana nokwahlulelwa kanye nokusolwa kwakudinga ukuba ngizwe ubuhlungu bokucwengwa, ngizuze ukuqonda umsebenzi othile ongokoqobo kankulunkulu, ingqikithi yakhe yomusa, kanye nesimo sakhe sokulunga nobungcwele. manje sengiyakwazi ukubona ngokucacile, ukuzonda, nokulahla ubuthi bukasathane obangilimaza iminyaka eminingi, futhi ngiyakwazi ukuba nempilo yangempela yobuntu futhi. akukho okwalokhu kuhlupheka okwaba yize. kwaba ngokunenjongo enkulu, into ebaluleke kakhulu. endleleni kusukela namuhla kuya phambili, ngizimisele ukwamukela ngokwengeziwe ukwahlulelwa nokusolwa, kanye nokuvivinywa nokucwengwa okuvela kunkulunkulu ukuze lonke uhlobo lwesimo sokukhohlakala kwami lube nokuhlanzwa masinyane, futhi ngibe umuntu ovumelana nentando kankulunkulu.