Haat is verkeerd sê almal. Ek haat. Wat nou? • Hate is wrong according to everyone. I hate. So what now? – Cappuccinos in 1931
*English story at the bottom*
Haat is verkeerd sê almal. Ek haat. Wat nou?
Dit was Nicole se beseffing voordat sy begin het met haar reis tot vergifnis en geluk.
Oor ‘n 1 liter beker water (omdat Pretoria se hitte dodelik is), vertel Nicole Robarts vir ons braaf hoe sy vergewe het nadat haar stiefpa, die draak, vir jare mag oor haar liggaam uitgeoefen het. Ek het die voorreg gehad om vir Nicole op twee vorige geleenthede te ontmoet en sy is eerlikwaar een van die gelukkigste mense wat ek al in ‘n lang tyd teë gekom het. Sy lag, sy is loud, sy is kaalvoet, sy is fun. Ons menslike instink is dadelik om te dink dat sy die lewe maklik kry, in ‘n gelukkige huis groot geword het en nie regtig ooit groot berge moes versit nie. Dink weer.
In haar boek, Genade: ‘n Hoofstuk van my lewensboek, vertel die 23-jarige meermin haar
storie. Sy het hierdie boek geskryf, nie om noodwendig aan die wêreld te versprei nie, maar om op ‘n persoonlike reis te gaan en uiteindelik by vrede uit te kom. Wat aanvanklik ‘n projek vir en aan haarself was, het ‘n middel geword om vir ander ook ‘n stem te gee. Vir ander wat in dieselfde situasie sit, te sê hulle is nie alleen nie. Dis vir hierdie rede dat sy stiefpa se naam uitgehaal het en hom die draak gemaak het. Op die manier kan ander mense dalk vereenselwig en ook moed kry om hulle stemme te laat hoor.
Haar boek neem jou op ‘n emosionele en persoonlike reis. Dit begin in hoofstuk 1: My wêreld val inmekaar en eindig in Hoofstuk 7: Wolke. Sy skryf soos wat sy voel, dus sal mens in haar skryfstyl kan aanvoel wanneer sy borrel van die kwaad, wanneer sy terug in haar 6-jarige lyfie is, wanneer sy deurmekaar en verward is. Nicole is nie noodwendig ‘n skrywer nie en moet nie verwag dat sy gaan voldoen aan al jou taalreëls nie. Nicole sal wel al die boksies merk wanneer dit kom by emosie en om aan jou hartsnare te ruk en pluk.
Sy was 16 toe sy uiteindelik haar stem gekry het. Dit was ‘n rowwe pad, maar aan die einde van haar reis kon sy na die draak toe gaan en vir hom ‘n boek gee. Sy kon voor hom staan, vir die eerste keer die een in die magsposisie wees en sy kon weet sy het hom vergewe. Al moes sy op tye binne-in haar duvet se sloop slaap, lae en lae klere dra, #1 dad bekers stukkend slaan en met vrees rondloop vir jare. Vandag is Nicole ‘n happiness coach vir ander mense en sy vertel hoe die woord ‘happiness’ haar fisies gelukkig maak. Sy leer vir haar kliënte dat jy nie gedefinieër word deur dinge wat met jou gebeur nie. Dis net een slegte hoofstuk in ‘n boek met die potensiaal om ‘n topverkoper te wees. Jy is nie ‘n slagoffer nie, jy is ‘n oorwinnaar. En dis nie jou skuld nie. Dis nie omdat jy te vriendelik was, of te kaal aangetrek was, of te mooi was nie. Dis nie jou skuld nie.
“Ek is Nicole. Dis wié ek is wat my definieër en nie wat met my gebeur nie.” En wie is Nicole?
Haar gunsteling eienskap van mense is eerlikheid. Sy wil ‘n tweede boek uitbring: The 10 commandments of happiness. Haar tande is super belangrik vir haar en sy het al selfs een keer in iemand se tuin tande geborsel. Sy stel vir haarself week-lange uitdagings soos om nie in ‘n spieël te kyk nie, of nie op ‘n stoel te sit nie. Sy glo daarin om haarself te omring met mense wat haar inspireer. Haar gunsteling koffiewinkel is Mugg & Bean omdat sy hier haar boek klaar gemaak het… en omdat hulle bodemlose koffie het. En ten spyte van al die lelik wat sy al gesien het, glo sy steeds vas dat meerminne bestaan, sy is dan een.
Jy kan Nicole se volledige storie lees in haar boek wat R120 kos, direk by haar beskikbaar. Kontak my gerus vir haar besonderhede.
Ons moedig jou ook aan om betrokke te raak by die beweging om ‘n kultuur te skep waar dit okay is om hieroor te praat. Waar mense stem gegee word. Mites gebreek word.
‘n Organisasie #redmylips is veral ‘n groot rolspeler in die bewusmakingswêreld. In April, 2011 is Danielle Tansino uit saam met vriendinne en is later die aand geisoleer en deur ‘n kamermaat se vriend verkrag. Die saak was uit gegooi omdat ‘hulle nie van meisies hou wat drink nie.’ Dis toe dat Danielle besef dat die sisteem hierdie slagoffers nie genoeg help nie en dat daar in gegryp moet word. Sy het die veldtog uiteindelik in Desember 2012 begin! Die Australiaanse organisasie strewe daarna om bewusmaking van seksuele mishandeling en verkragting te bevorder. Hulle is veral passievol daaroor dat die slagoffer nie blameer moet word nie (“A short dress does not mean yes”) en dat mites gebreek moet word. Seksuele mishandeling en verkragting vind nie net plaas in middestad agterstrate nie. Selfs in huwelikke, vriendskappe, jou ouerhuis. Mans kan ook slagoffers wees. Nicole is ‘n lewende bewys van iemand wat nie een van die eienskappe gewys het van die standaard-lysie “Tekens dat iemand mishandel word” nie. Mense is so gekondisioneer om te fokus op die boek se riglyne dat hulle nie besef wat reg onder hulle neuse aan die gang is nie. Of ons kyk ander kant toe? Verkragting is nie okay nie. (Gaan lees gerus op www.redmylips.org meer hieroor.)
April is juis #redmylips se groot bewusmakings-maand. Hoe? ROOI! Meisies, jy het nou ‘n verskoning om heel maand daardie rooi lippe af te wys. Ouens? Julle kan natuurlik ook rooi lippe hê! Of dra net rooi klere. Maak ‘n opsetlike verskil in jou voorkoms wat rooi inkorporeer. En as iemand iets vra? Vertel vir hulle! Jy gee net dalk vir iemand die moed om hulle storie te vertel. Deel jou ondersteuning op instagram en ander sosiale media deur #redSAlips te gebruik sodat ons ons stemme kan laat hoor.
Jy kan ook badges en stickers koop, kontak my om jou in skakeling te sit met die regte mense.
Hate is considered wrong according to all people. I hate. So what now?
This had been Nicole’s realisation before embarking on a journey that would eventually lead her towards acceptance; forgiveness and (what we all strive for) bliss.
Over a 1 liter jug of water, since Pretoria as we know it has turned into an inferno, I sat in complete awe as Nicole Robarts bravely shared her story of how she managed to forgive her stepfather, the dragon, for the nightmarish years that he had control over her body. I had the privilege to meet Nicole on two previous occasions and she is without a doubt one of the happiest people I have seen in a long time. She is bubbly, she is loud, she is barefoot and she is fun. Human instincts suck and we will immediately perceive her as someone that has it easy, someone that grew up in a perfect white picked fenced household and that she has never had to climb mountains or cross oceans. Think again.
In her Novel, Mercy: A chapter of my life story (which is unfortunately only available in Afrikaans), the 23 year old mermaid shares her story. A story whose villain would frighten the Grimm Brothers. She wrote her book, not to claim fame, but rather to go on personal journey whose destination would eventually be peace. What started as a project for and to herself, blossomed into a medium that will give others the will and bravery to find their voices. To tell those who are the actors in their own horrors, that they are not alone. It is because of this reason that she omitted the name of her stepfather and dubbed him the dragon, in the hopes that other victims will speak up and be able to relate.
Her book takes you on an emotional and personal journey. It starts at Chapter 1: My world is falling apart and she concludes her tale in Chapter 7: Clouds. She writes what she feels, thus one can notice in her writing style when she is frothing at the mouth, when she is back in her 6 year old body, when she is distorted and confused. Nicole is not a writer and one should not expect to be blown away by Shakespearean grammar and punctuation. Nicole will however tug at your heartstrings and induce a tear or six.
She was 16 when she discovered her voice. It was a rocky road, but at the end she managed to go to the monster and gift him with her masterpiece. She could stand in front of him and for the first time be the one in power and she forgave him. Even after she sometimes slept inside her duvet cover, wore layers upon layers of clothes, smashed #1 dad mugs and had to live in fear, she still found the courage and kindness to forgive. Today Nicole is a happiness coach for others and explains how the word ‘happiness’ physically induces joy to her. She teaches her clients that one is not defined by the things that happened. You are not a victim, you are a survivor. It is not your fault. It is not because you were too friendly, too pretty or inappropriately dressed. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
“I am Nicole. Who I am defines me and not what happened to me.”
Her favorite quality in people is honesty. She wants to write a second book: The 10 Commandments of happiness. Her teeth are super important to her. She sets herself week long challenges like do not sit on a chair or do not look into a mirror. She surrounds herself with people that inspire her. Her favorite coffee shop is Mugg & Bean because that is where she finished her novel… and they have bottomless coffee. And, despite all the ugly that she has witnessed throughout her life, she still believes in the existence of mermaid
s, she is one after all.
Nicole’s whole story can be read in her book (R120) which can be bought directly from her. Contact me for the details.
We also encourage you to integrate yourself in the movement of creating a culture where it is okay to talk about what we consider taboos. Where people have a voice and myths are broken.
An organization #redmylips is especially a big role player in the movement to promote awareness. It was in April, 2011 that Danielle Tansino were out with friends and got isolated and raped by a housemate’s friend. The case was thrown out because ‘they don’t like girls that drink’. This is when Danielle realized that the system does not help victims enough and that help is needed. She eventually started this organisation in December 2012. The Australian organization #redmylips strive to promote awareness of sexual abuse and rape. They are especially passionate about the fact that the victim is not to blame (“A short dress does not mean yes”) and that myths need to be broken. Men can also be abused. Sexual abuse and rape doesn’t only occur in the dodgy alleys. It happens in marriages, at home, in friendships. Nicole is living proof of someone that did not meet the requirements of the mythical list: “Signs that someone is being abused”. People are conditioned to focus on this guidelines given that they do not see what is right under their noses. Or they turn a blind eye. Rape is not okay. (Feel free to read more about the topic on www.redmylips.org )
April is #redmylips’ big awareness month. How? RED. Girls, we now have the chance to show off our red lips the whole month. Guys? Please support us by also going for the red lipped look…or a shirt, anything red in your attire actually. And if someone asks? Tell them! We may just give someone the courage to share their story. Shae your experience on instagram and other social media platforms by using #redSAlips. Let our voices be heard.
Badges and stickers are also for sale, do not hesitate to contact me.
Ysland, salm en rugby•Iceland, salmon and rugby