Indlela yokuxolelana nomhlobo, ukuba wakucaphukisa?
Ukuba uxabana nomhlobo wakho omhle, musa ukusilahla komnye nomnye, usebenza ngeengxube ezahlukeneyo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, akukho nto enokuyonwabela, kodwa oku kunokwenzeka nakweyiphi na kuthi, ekubeni umntu ngamnye kwaye unemibono yakhe ebomini, edla ngokungavumelani nemibono yabanye abantu. Kodwa ukuhlukana nobudlelwane obusondeleyo ngenxa yokuxabana budenge.
Ukubuyisela ubudlelwane obusondeleyo, awukwazi nje ukuphilisa umphefumlo, kodwa nakwezinga elithile uphucula umgangatho wobomi. Iingcali zengqondo zenze uphando kwaye zagqiba ukuba ubudlelwane nabasetyhini kunceda ukunciphisa uxinzelelo, kwaye oku kwenza ukuba bazive benonwabe ngakumbi. Ngokwabelana nomhlobo, sinovuyo kunye naye, kwaye sijamelana nobunzima. Ngoko ke, ukuba unobungane bokwenene, ngoko kufuneka ulungele ukuxolela nokucela ukuxolelwa, emva koko uza kuphinda ube yintombazana yakho inkxaso kuyo yonke imimangaliso novuyo lobomi. Kodwa yintoni omele uyenze ukuba awukwazi ukuba ungaqala kuphi, ukwenza uxolo nomhlobo, ngaphandle kokuhlazisa, kunye nokulwa nentukuthelo yakhe. Indlela yokwenza okulungileyo, siya kukufundisa ngoku.
Ukuxolelana kubalulekile ukuhamba ngokulandelelana
Ewe, masithi ungayazi okanye awukwazi ukuqonda, kuba kutheni intombi yakho ikhubekile. Awazi ukuba kutheni ethukuthela kuwe, nangona oku kukhangeleka. Okokuqala, zama ukuzijonga ngokwakho. Hlaziya ngasinye isenzo sakho, isinyathelo oyenzile okanye sathi ngaphambili, njengoko uqale ukuphawula intliziyo evela kwintombi yakho. Mhlawumbi khumbula ukuba uthethile into, eyabangela ukudumala nomsindo kumhlobo wakho.
Isinyathelo esilandelayo sokuxolelana sithetha nomhlobo, akunandaba nokuba ungayifumana izizathu zokuvutha komsindo kunye nentukuthelo okanye cha. Yibizela intombi kwaye umbuze malunga nentlanganiso, mxelele ukuba ufuna ukuxoxa ngesiganeko, nangaphezulu, ufuna ukufumana iindlela eziza kukunceda ubuyisele ubuhlobo. Ukuba awukwazi ukubizela isizathu esithile, ngokuqinisekileyo, uziva ungakhathazeki, ungazi ukuba uthini, ubhale incwadi kwaye uyithumele nge-imeyile. Shedyulela intlanganiso kwindawo kawonkewonke, unokwenza, umzekelo, udibana kwi-cafe okanye epakini. Intlanganiso kwintsimi engathathi hlangothi iya kudala imeko engaqhelekanga eya kunceda ukukhupha ingxaki.
Xa udibana ngokukhawuleza xelela umhlobo wakho ukuba kubaluleke kangakanani ukuba udibane. Ukuba umhlobo wakho unokuqiniseka ukuba ubuhlobo nawe buxabisekileyo, ngoko kulula ukuba uqale ingxoxo enzima kwaye udale ithoni enobubele. Ukuba ekuqaleni kweengxoxo ezinzima uthetha ukufunda iimvakalelo, ngoko umphumo wale ngxoxo iya kuphumelela. Ukuba ubala ukuba ubuhlobo bakho buye buba bubi, uze uvume isohlwayo sakho. Nangona ucinga ukuba umhlobo wakho naye unokugxeka ukuxabana kwakho, usenokwenza uxanduva lwakho. Ngexesha langoku, into ebaluleke kakhulu kubo bobabini unxibelelwano kunye nokuqala kwakhona kobudlelwane bokuqala, ngoko musa ukubuza ukuba ngubani na oya kubeka ityala ngale meko.
Ewe, akunjalo lula ukuba uthathe zonke izinto ezithe zenzekile, ngokukodwa ukuba ufuna ukuzingqina ngokuchanekileyo. Nangona kunjalo, kuyafaneleka ukuba ucinge ukuba ubuhlobo bakho bunobungozi kwaye ufuna ukuyigcina. Ukuba kunjalo kunjalo, ukuqhosha kwakho kuya kufuneka 'kufihliwe' kude kube ngamaxesha angcono!
Kodwa yintoni enokuyenza xa umhlobo wakho ukholelwa ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba uye waxabana ngenxa yokuxabana phakathi kwakho kunye nendlela yokubuyisana naye? Kule meko, kuyo yonke incoko, sebenzisa "I-amazwi". Wena, esikhundleni sokuba "wena ..." uthi "Ndiyakholwa", "Ndiziva", "Ndifuna" okanye "Ndiyabona". Ukuba uthe "wena ...", ke intombi ingathatha indawo yokuzikhusela. Kwaye, xa uthetha ngeemvakalelo zakhe kunye naye, umnxibelelwano akayi kubona kwingxoxo umnqweno wokumsola ngenxa yekhefu elenzekile.
Ewe, uthetha naye kwaye ufumanisa ukulungelelanisa, ngoku kufuneka ucele intombi yakho ukuba ihambe ixesha elibi. Akuyimfuneko ukukhawuleza kwaye ucinge malunga nokuba kuya kuba njani ukwenza uxolo kunye nomhlobo we-spy ngokukhawuleza. Usuyenzile kakade, ngoku kukhethwa yintombi yakho, kwaye kufuneka ulinde kuphela ukubuyiswa kobuhlobo bokugqibela.
Izilumkiso kunye neengcebiso
Ungashiyi intombi yakho ngaphandle kokunyamekela, nangona usenomsindo, qhubeka uqonda iimpumelelo zakhe, wenze izipho, umzekelo, ukuya kumhla wokuzalwa okanye omnye umcimbi. Ngengqalelo yakho, uya kubonisa ngokucacileyo ukuba uyamthanda.
Elinye iphuzu elibalulekileyo kukuba ngelixa ungasasazi iindlebe kwiingxabano, ungazami ukuphumelela kwicala lakho kunye nabahlobo abaqhelekileyo. Ewe, le nto ingabonakala iyilingo, kuba ungabonisa umhlobo wakho ukuba nguyena ophosakeleyo, kodwa uya kulahlekelwa kuphela ngabahlobo bakho, ngoko ungcono ukulahla le ndlela ngokukhawuleza. Kufuneka ukulwele ubuhlobo bakho, ngoko ungavumeli izikhalazo ezincinci zikhusele ezibalulekileyo ebusini bakho. Ngamanye amaxesha, ukuze sibuyise ubuhlobo, kufuneka senze imibingelelo ethile. Ukuba awulungele okanye awukwazi ukunikela into ethile ngenxa yomhlobo, mhlawumbi ubuhlobo bakho abukhoyo. Yiba nomonde, kuba ufanele ulinde de ulwalamano luya kubuya kwindlela efana nayo ngaphambi kokuxabana. Indlela ekugqibeleni iyaxolelana ngayo nomhlobo wakhe iya kuthetha kuphela ixesha. Ukubuyisela ubuhlobo kufuna ukuqinisekiswa kokunyaniseka, isibindi nokuqonda.
Ukuba wenza isinyathelo sokuqala sokuxolelana, uya kubonisa ukuba uyabuxabisa ubuhlobo obuphakathi kwakho kwaye ufuna ukubuyisela ngokupheleleyo ubuhlobo obulahlekileyo ngenxa yokuxabana.
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