Skryfsaam | SkalkSkryf
Mei 13, 2007 deur Louwie Hier is ‘n toneelstukkie en elkeen wat wil kan help skryf/slyp aan die skryfsel tot dit voltooi is.
Kommissie van verdoeseling en onwaarheidKarakters in die storie.Demon UtuFW De Klerk/De Kelder? (drie moorde/lyke/wynlandgoed)Walter BissonWinnie MugabeGatsha Buthelesie (Verklaring op skrif ….. groot bokse vol)MK soldaat (moord op afwykende kamerade Angola)Eugene Terrablanche (versoen … kiss /bieg …. lieg)MK soldaat (necklace kamerade wat met wittes meewerk)Magneus Malhaan ( het ondergronds gegaan)PWPikDs WittemanSadam HoeseinGeorge W BushLeon SchoesterHipie vrou met mushroooms/psychodilicsSinger van Rensburg (van Australia)Van Zyl Slabbert
Basson.Kom in. Ontspanne. Klop Utu joviaal op die skouer met `n haai Utu ou pel, en hoe gaan dit. Gaan sit agter tafel met mikrofoon.Utu.Bisson, het jy gif in Boesak se koffie gegooi?BissonNooit. Baie beslis nie. Never.Utu.Bisson, het jy `n laboratorium gehad waarin jy biologiese wapens van massa vernietiging vervaardig het?George Bush storm op die verhoog.Bush (Wilde bos Afro Hare?)No no no, you can not do that. That is a phraze I coined, you can not sommer go and use that. And besides, it is only Sadam and Us in the US of A that have that technology. You can not accuse a pipsqueek like this of manufacturing weapons of mass destruction! You must be mad, quite mad I`d say.Utu.Who the hell is this this clown. Remove him from my court immediatelyWag.Bush sir, says his name is Bush. Looks like a burning bush to me sir.Bush word onder luide protes verwyder deur polisie.Utu.Bisson, het jy lemoendrankies met gif in voorbery en Boesak daarmee probeer vergiftig?BissonNever. Nooit. Maar ons het iets in sy onderbroek gesit om sy balls `n bietjie te krimp. Hoekom dink jy praat hy met so `n hoe stemmetjie?Bisson staan op en loop na Utu toeBisson.Utu my vriend, all is fair in love and war, jy weet mos.Hy klop Utu weer vertroulik op die skouer en gooi `n bruistablet in Utu se drinkwater sonder dat hy, Utu dit sien en loop dan terug na sy sitplek.Utu vat die glas water sonder om daarna te kyk maar voor hy `n sluk kan vat gryp die wag wat agter hom staan die glas uit sy hand uit en skreeu; gif, hy het gif daarin gegooi. Ek het dit gesien.`n Verbaasde Utu bedank die wag en se; Toets dit dadelik, ek wil weet of dit gif is.Die wag gee die glas vir `n 2de wag wat onmiddellik die glas leeg drink en dood neerslaan.Wag 1 kondig met trots aan; dit was gif pastoor.UtuEk is Biskop, jou aap, nie pastoor nie!En ek bedoel, laat toets dit in `n laboratorium.1 ste wag.Yes sir piskop, right away sir piskop.Hy gryp die dooie wag aan die voet en sleep hom weg.Utu.Lê met sy kop op sy arms op die tafel voor homO God, why do I bother?Vat hierdie Bisson weg en gaan sluit hom toeWagte vat Bisson weg. Toe hy verby Utu kom gooi hy vir hom `n pakkie kougom en sê;Have a gum Utu old chum, its on the house.Wag 1 is weer op sy pos en vang die kougom voor Utu dit kan vang.Hy gee dit vir wag 3 en sê “test.” Wag 3 eet onmiddelik `n kougom en slaan dood neer.Wag 1.Poison sir. Shall we take it to the lab sir?Die dooie wag word weer aan die voet weggesleep.Wag kom terug en kondig aan dat;WagThere is a man out there on a horse, says his name is Gene, You Gene, and he wants to come in and lie and also to kiss someone.Utu.Come in and lie? And kiss, juck. What does he want to do that for. Tell him we will take a loud and clear sorry from him and that will suffice, thank you.AWKan net ET wees.Hy bedoel bieg, nie lieg nie, en versoenning, dis wat hy op die hart het. V-e-r-s-o-e-n, nie soen nie.UtuYou mean the man on the horse?AWWel, somtyds is hy en somtyds nie.UtuLet him in then. Lets hear him out, thats what we are here for, ar’nt we?ET in op n besemstok perd. Hy het `n bruin pak klere aan. Slaan neer van sy perd af. Spring op, stoei met sy perd. Gaan sit agter tafel met mikrofoon. Hou perd langs hom. Dra `n dik volume hardeband boek by hom.UtuDo you have something to confess Terrie.ETKonfused, ja dis wat , konfus. Nee ek wil nie konfes nie nee. My volk, my volk wat ten gronde gaan, dis die probleem.UtuWhat?Aan die tolk; “Whats he saying?TolkDont know. Something about his folks going underground or something.UtuTerreblanche, cut the crap and tell me, did you kill someone or did you not?TerreblancheNooit, ek bedoel, nie doelbewus nie. Het `n pyp of twee gebuig op `n paar dronkgatte se koppe op my tyd. Maar altyd vredeliewend en met die doel om op te voed. In vriendskap kan jy maar sê. Soos `n vader sy kinders, altyd in vrede en liefde en met die beste bedoelings.UtuWhat?TolkSays did some plumbing in his time. Just loved it.TerreblancheEn het altyd vir hulle van my gedigte gelees na die tyd. Die wonder van poësie! My ballades bring hulle altyd tot kalmte en insig, dryf hulle tot trane.TolkJust diged it sir, he did. But I don`t think I can translate this for you sir, he is talking dirty now sir. Plumbing sort of turns him on sir. He is saying poe …. poe …, poesy now sir and talking about his b … b … balls sir, in your face sir and driving something called a trana. Must be some sort of 4X4 sir.He is mad sir, a luny.
UtuOh shut up will you, you dont know the man like I do. I quite like the guay.Terrablance, what about reconcilliation. Have you thought about that?TerrablanceKonstipasie baie gehad al, `n verpesting veral met turksvy tyd. Maar weer eens het ek gevind dat my poeëtiese vermoëns ook daarvoor help. `n Goeie kwatryn trek die drol deur die drein sê ek altyd.Maar my vlok, my volk sal ek weer lei uit die woestyn. Sien hierdie bruin pak klere? Siener van Rensburg het gesê `n man met `n bruin pak sal die volk weer lei. Dis ek daai. Met my perd, my bybel en my digbundel sal ek my volk lei uit die swart woestyn!Mag ek van my gedigte aan julle voorlees?Hy slaan sy digbundel oop.Utu (Ontsteld aan wagte)Stop that man. Take away that book from him. It is a lethal weapon.Bush storm weer op die verhoog.Bush (buite homself)Another one! I told them Sadam exported his arsenal to some of his friends, and I was right. Here is the evidance. Where is it, give it to me before I call Rumsfeldt and Tony and my whole 5th , or is it 6th army. I have weapons of mass destruction pointing at your stupid country and in the name of peace, I will whipe you from the face of the earth if you dont comply with my reasonable threats.UtuTake this lunatic away and send him home to his mum.Now that I think about it, lock him up with Terrablance and have him read a couple of his poems to Bush before you send them both home. And allert the UN to the fact that, after this ordeal, Bush will never be the same man again ever. Nobody survives a Terrablanche poem attack without getting his brains fried.And who the hell is this singer van Rensburg? Another one of these Afrikaner terrorists? Get him for me on the double, I want to talk to him.Buite die gejodel, die sing ding van afrika vroue wat meeste beskaafde mense so afpis.`n Buiteband van `n kar rol oor die verhoog.Winny Mandela/Mugabe kom op die verhoog, soen Utu hartlik op die wang en gaan sit agter die mikrofoon.UtuWinny my darling, how good to see a sane person again. The world is full of lunatics I tell you, lunatics of the worst kind. You wont believe it!And we thought you and your team got rid of them. What happened then? Ran out of Firestone?WinnyNo, we got Stompied you know,UtuOh, like in cricket when the wicket keeper gets hold of your bales and lifts your balls?But what a splendid innings it was Mamma Afrika, magnificent! You hit a couple of Stompies, I mean opponents for a six.But it is not over yet. We have one more task for you and your soccer team.WinnyAbout time, I am running out of funds as it is. You can not trust the whities you know. Just when you think you can sort of saam bou on the new South Africa, they sommer sink the ship, and with all that loot!UtuI know, I know. It is dispicable but what can one do. What can one do.But the President wants to send the army into Africa, the Ivory coast, the DRC and maybe Israel, to sort out the little personal differences the leaders seem to have up there.But our army, consisting as it is, mainly of generals generaly older than Moses himself and as koersbedonderd as the old critter in that desert, are liable to end up shooting our own Knysna elephants after much travel in circles in the bush. So I sugested we send you and your team to go and sort out the problems. We supply them stones and you do the burning.There might be a nobel prize for peace thrown in for a job well done in the end.Will you do it Mamma? For Africa?WinnyYes, Yes, OK. But I will first have to go and do some serious shopping for traditional African clothing in London and New York. When you go on a mission like this into Africa, one must dress to kill you know.When do we start. I am burning to be of service again.UtuGood, Good. I will let you know in due course. In the mean time go home and get into right flame of mind.Winny out.PW Botha in. (het bruin pak aan. Loop krom en skuifel-skuifel met `n kierie.) Hy bly staan agter die tafel met mikrofoonUtuBotha, sit. (Botha bly staan)I believe you have some confessions to make Botha?PWI will not be intimidated. (beduie met sy vinger na Utu.) I crossed the Rubicon long before Moses was set adrift on it in his oilskin crib.UtuThe NilePWWhat?UtuMoses was set adrift in the Nile.PWSo what? Who said any thing about the Nile?I led this nation trough the desert to the promissed land,UtuThat was MosesPWWhat?UtuWas Moses who led his people through the desert.PWSal jy nou verdomp ophou om te Moses, Moses terwyl ek besig is om te praat!Ek sê jou nou, die Afrikaner sal weer opstaan en hierdie vervloekte land regeer, en sien jy hierdie bruin pak klere. Siener van Rensburg het gesê `n man met `n bruin pak klere sal die volk lei, en dis ek daai. Ek sal my volk weer uit die swart woestyn lei.Utu ( aan tolk)What?TolkSomething about the Afrikaner and a brown pact sir. I think it might be a conspiracy between the Afrikaner and the colourds sir. And that Singer van Rensburg seems to be the master brain behind the plot sir.UtuThen get me that bloody singer.And take Botha back to his cell and lock him up. And throw away the key.Wag 1 fluister in Utu se oor.UtuWhat do you mean he is not a prisoner?Wag fluister weer in sy oor.UtuWhat do you mean? Dis hulle wat moet bieg en verskoning vra. Ons het niemand dood gemaak nie.They should all be in jail.Die wag fluister weer in sy oor.UtuWhat do you mean they are all behind bars?Wag fluister weer in sy oor.UtuYou mean thieves and murderers are walking the streets while they lock themselves up in their own fortified homes?I like that. By God, I like that. Serves them right.Take Botha home, and take the long way, we might get lucky with all those hijackers on the lose out there!PW(Beduie met sy vinger na Utu)Ek’s nog nie klaar met jou nie mannetjie. Ek skrik nie vir `n man wat `n rok dra nie!Hy skuifel by die deur uitUtuThat is a dangerous man. He should be put in a dungeon.I dont undestand the Afrikaner people. They all want to be leaders of their own lyttle political party. If they had a sense of humour they would get together and have one hell of a real party with mampoer and boeremusiek the lot. I like boeremusiek but not volkspele, no fun walking around with a stiff neck and stif legs and a funeral face. No shaking of boobs, no ratling of bums, no beat to it man. They have got no humour at all.WagThey lost their sense of humour sir, a long time ago sir. Can not say I blame them sir.Old Jan van Riebeeck and his lot had a long journey down here in those modified beer barrels they called ships sir, what with drunken sailors, terrible storms, bad food, months at sea and no privicy to bang the old lady from time to time.No sir, they were mad as hatters when they landed at the Cape. And then they had their cattle liberated by the little yellow men who had the odacity to shoot little poisened arrows at them when they complained.No sir, deffinately no laughing matter sir.FW de Klerk op.As hy agter die mikrofoon gaan sit storm `n vrou by die deur in met `n man met `n mes kort op haar hake. Sy word vermoor.De KlerkEk moet met jou saamstem Utu. Ek weet nie waarom die Afrikaners so kla nie.Nog `n vrou strompel die vertrek binne met `n mes in haar rug.Sy slaan dood neer.De KlerkDit gaan goed met hulle en al wat hulle kan doen is kla, kla van die more tot die aand.As ek daar op my stoep sit met `n glasie van die beste rooi in my hand en ek kyk oor my wingerde wat lê so ver die oog kan sien, dan dink ek, dit gaan goed met my mense, waarom kla hulle.`n man storm die vertrek in en word deur `n agtervolger dood geskiet.UtuYes, yes, I so much agree with you FW. Life is so much better now, so peaceful, so cerene, so free. One can feel the hand of Gawd over the beloved Country.`n Vrou storm by die deur in, bebloed.VrouHelp, asseblief help my. My kar is gekaap en my baba is nog binne die kar. Ag Here, help my tog!FWEk sal weer met my mense gaan praat. Hulle moet kom bieg oor alles wat hulle aan julle gedoen het.FW op pad uit. Hy klim oor die dooie mense op pad deur toe.Maar Utu my vriend, jy moet oorkom vir `n glasie wyn as jy tyd het.Aan die wag langs Utu sê FWEk neem aan julle het my kar tot voor die deur gebring?Wag:Well sir, no sir.FWWat bedoel jy met no sir? Waar is my kar?Wag:Well sir, it is goneFWGone, hoe bedoel jy gone?
Wag:Gone sir, stolen sir.FWAg shit, nie alweer nie. Ek het die ding nog maar net 3 maande. Die vorige een is ook gesteel.O well, dan kry ek maar net weer `n nuwe een. My vrou het net gister gesê dis tyd dat ons weer `n nuwe model aanskaf. Sy het haar oog op `n Duitse sportmodel.Aan Utu.Julle het wragtag die perfekte sisteem geskep my vriend. Hoekom het ek nooit daaraan gedink nie?Vir elke kar wat gesteel word, moet `n nuwe een gekoop word en om dit te kan doen moet `n nuwe een gebou word.Absoluut perfek. Dit skep werk in die fabrieke, in die assuransie bedryf, in die sekuriteits bedryf, vir die ouens wat diefwering en pallisades opsit. Selfs my mense kry weer werk as motorwagte as hulle hulle werk verloor deur regstellende aksie. Selfs die begrafnis ondernemers het `n royal time!Maar wag, ek moet loop en vir my vrou die goeie nuus gaan vertel.Uit by die deur.Groot lawaai buite die deurIn by die deur `n lang skraal man in styfpassende swart klere, lang stewels en `n veelkleurige mantel om sy skouers. Elektriese kitaar in die hand.Singer van Rensburg:Slaan die kitaar baldadig.Aan Utu:Hows it my bra! Ek hoor jy soek my?UtuAnd who the hell are you?
SvRSinger van Rensburg my bru, leader of the AWBB on our first World tour.Utu en die wag kyk mekaar betekenisvol aan.SvRAWBB, die Afrikaner Weerbarstige Boere Band jy sien. Ons speel underground en metal.Utu en die wag kyk mekaar betekenisvol aan.UtuUnderground you say. Interesting, very interesting.And where do you come from?SvRFrom down under my bra.Hy pluk die snare van sy kitaar dat dit sing.Utu en die wag kyk mekaar betekenisvol aan.Headquarters in Sydney AustraliaUtuYou mean you are a singer like in sing in a band?SvRYip. singer Singer van Rensburg.Hy trek los met `n dawerende stem en sing:“De La Ray, De La Ray sal jy die Boere meisies kom vry, kom vry“Die boerseuns is bleek, kan geen meisie meer steekDe La Ray, De La Ray, sal jy ons meisies kom ry, kom ry.Hy slaan die kitaar uitbundigUtuYou mean you don’t see things and tell the future like some prophet or something?SvRO jeeze I see terrible things, terrible. You dont want to know. But like only when I take a trip on LSD or Mescalin my bra. You should try it. Great stuff.UtuAan die wagI don’t think this is the guy we are looking for. He is a rock star and a wash-out.WagPerfect cover sir. But the AWB and Underground gave him away sir. Not very clever They think we dont understand the codes they are talking in. Ask me, I know sir. I was in intelligence during the strugle sir. Used to be underground myself. Used heavy metal to eliminate the enemy, if you get my drift!UtuAan SvRWhy Sydney?SvRHy lag hardopI like you. You are a shit but I like you.Why do you wear a frock? Is jy skeef ou perd?Slaan die kitaar wildNo shit.It’s a jol old man, the whole bloody tribe is down there. It’s like Pretoria, just whiter!Some of them get murdered down there, but as long as it is a white man doing the killing they are quite happy about it.Do a fair share of killing them selves, especialy if it is a bottle of Brandy.“Die Boere drink gedurig” sing hy op die maat van Die boere is plesierig.Die Boere is bliksems ou pel. Jy ken hulle nie.
EINDESwart kindertjies hardloop oor die verhoog.Swart dogtertjieLet’s go and playUtuAan wagWhat happened to the white kids?What do you mean gone? Gone where?WagEmigrated, gone, the whole fucking lot of them.UtuOh shit.Na `n lang pouseBring the car arround and lets go to that fine 5 star hotel we are staying in. I am tired and gatvol for this lot.WagWag fluister in sy oorUtuWhat do you mean you can’t?Wag fluister weer in sy oorWhat do you mean by gone?Wag fluister weer in sy oor.Stolen, my car is stolen? After all I have done for the people! Why?Wag fluister weer in sy oor.New South Africa? What do you mean New South Africa?Wag begin weer in sy oor fluisterDon’t bother. Get me my cellphone and ….Wag fluister weer in sy oorHy kyk grootoog na die wagDie wag skud sy kop op en afHulle skud altwee hulle koppe op en af.UtuThen get me a cab and let’s go to the hotel. I am tired.Wag fluister in sy oor.The hotel gone. What do youmean the hotel is gone?Wag maak groot oog en skud sy kop op en af.Stolen, like in all the linnen and cutlery?Wag skud sy kop vir neeLike in all the furniture?Wag skud sy kop vir neeYou mean like in all the doors and windows?Wag skud sy kop vir ja en neeAnd all the bricks?Wag skud sy kop vir ja.Get the cab. We will fly to Jo’burg. There’s a 5 star hotel we can stay in.Wag fluister in sy oorYou mean the plane is gone?Sssst ……… (hy sukkel om die woord te sê)Die wag skud sy kop vir ja.UtuOh shit, oh shit oh shit.Utu sak sy kop in sy hande en bly so sitGordyn sakIn die agtergrond speel “Where have all the whities gone”Gone overseasWhere have all the whities gone”Some went to AmericaSome went to CanadaSome far far away.
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