upetru wayengumuntu owayesheshe azwele, enogqozi ngayo yonke into ayeyenza, futhi ethembeke kakhulu. wabhekana nezithiyo eziningi. waqala ukuxhumana nenhlangano eneminyaka eyi--14, eya esikoleni aphinde aye kaningi esinagogeni. wayenentshisekelo eningi futhi wayehlale ekulungele ukuya emihlanganweni. ngaleso sikhathi, ujesu wayengakawuqali ngokusemthethweni umsebenzi wakhe; lesi kwakumane kuseyisiqalo senkathi yomusa. upetru waqala ukuxhumana namalungu enkolo eneminyaka eyi--14; ngesikhathi eneyi--18 wayesexhumana nabaholi benkolo, kodwa ngemva kokubona isixakaxaka sasesontweni esasenzeka ekusithekeni, washiya. ebona indlela ababehlakaniphe ngayo, benobuqili futhi benenkohliso ngayo laba bantu, wanyanya kakhulu (lena indlela umoya ongcwele owawusebenza ngayo ngaleso sikhathi, ukuze umphelelise), ngakho wayeka eneminyaka eyi--18 ukuya esinagogeni. abazali bakhe bamshushisa futhi babengamvumeli ukuthi akholwe (babengabakadeveli, futhi bengenalo ukholo). ekugcineni, upetru wahamba ekhaya wase ehamba izindawo ngokuzithandela, edoba futhi eshumayela iminyaka emibili, phakathi naleso sikhathi wayehola abantu abambadlwana. manje ungayibona ngokucacile indlela eyathathwa upetru. uma lokhu ukubone ngokucacile, khona--ke uyozimisela ukuba umsebenzi wenziwe namhlanje, ukuze ungakhonondi, noma uvumele izinto noma ulangazelele noma yini. kufanele uyiqonde imizwa kapetru ngaleso sikhathi: wahlaselwa umunyu; wayeseyekile ukucela ikusasa noma izibusiso. wayengafune nzuzo, injabulo, udumo, noma inhlanhla yezwe, ayekufuna nje kwakuwukuphila ukuphila okunenjongo, okwakuwukubuyisa uthando unkulunkulu ambonisa lona futhi anikele ngokuyigugu anakho kunkulunkulu. ngemva kwalokho, wayeyokwaneliseka enhliziyweni yakhe. wayethandaza kaningi kujesu athi: “nkosi jesu kristu, ngake ngakuthanda, kodwa ngangingakuthandi ngeqiniso. nakuba ngithe nginokholo kuwe, angikaze ngikuthande ngenhliziyo eneqiniso. bengilokhu ngibheke kuwe, ngikwazisa, ngikukhumbula, kodwa angikaze ngikuthande noma ngibe nokholo kuwe.” wayehlale ethandaza ukuze enze isinqumo sakhe, amazwi kajesu[a] ayemkhuthaza njalo futhi yiwo ayemnika umdlandla. kamuva, ngemva kwenkathi ethile, ujesu wamvivinya, wamenza ukuba amlangazelele kakhudlwana. upetru wathi: “nkosi jesu kristu! yeka indlela engikukhumbula ngayo, futhi ngilangazelela ukukubona. ngintula kakhulu, futhi akukho engingakubuyisela khona ngothando lwakho. ngiyakunxusa ukuba ungithathe ngokushesha. uyongidinga nini? uyongithatha nini? ngiyophinde ngibubone nini ubuso bakho? angisafisi ukuphinde ngiphile esinye isikhathi kulo mzimba, ukuba ngiqhubeke nokonakaliswa, futhi angisafisi ukuphinde ngihlubuke. ngikulungele ukukunika ngokushesha kangangokunokwenzeka konke enginakho, futhi angisafisi ukuphinde ngikuphathe kabi.” lena indlela athandaza ngayo, kodwa wayengazi ngaleso sikhathi ukuthi yini ujesu ayeyoyiphelelisa kuye. phakathi nenhlupheko eyaba sovivinyweni lwakhe, ujesu waphinde wavela kuye futhi wathi: “petru, ngifisa ukukuphelelisa, ngezinga lokuthi ube ingxenye yesithelo, esiyoba umfuziselo wokupheleliswa yimi, futhi engizosijabulela. ingabe ungafakaza ngempela ngami? ingabe ukwenzile engithe kwenze? ingabe uphilile ngamazwi engiwakhulumile? wake wangithanda, kodwa nakuba wangithanda, wake wangishiya ngaphandle? yini ongenzele yona? uyabona ukuthi alukufanele uthando lwami, kodwa yini ongenzele yona?” upetru wabona ukuthi wayengamenzelanga lutho ujesu futhi wakhumbula izifungo ayezenzile zokunikela ngokuphila kwakhe kunkulunkulu. ngakho wayengasakhonondi, futhi imithandazo yakhe ngemva kwalokho, yaba ngcono kakhulu. wathandaza wathi: “nkosi jesu kristu! ngake ngakushiya, nawe wake wangishiya. sesichithe isikhathi singekho ndawonye, nesikhathi sindawonye. kodwa ungithanda ngaphezu kwanoma yini enye. ngihlubuke ngokuphindaphindiwe kuwe futhi ngalila kaningi. ngingazikhohlwa kanjani izinto ezinjalo? umsebenzi owenze kimi nezinto ongiphathise zona ngiyohlale ngizikhumbula, angisoze ngakukhohlwa. ngomsebenzi owenze kimi, ngikuzamile okusemandleni. uyakwazi engikwazi ukukwenza, futhi uyayazi nendima engingayidlala. ngiyophuza esitsheni sakho esimuncu, futhi ngingowakho ukuba ungiyale.”