Hell (Father Ted)
"Hell" is the first episode of the second series of the Channel 4 sitcom "Father Ted", and the seventh episode overall. In this episode, Graham Norton makes his first of three appearances as Father Noel Furlong. Plot. It is time for Ted, Dougal, and Jack to take their annual holiday. They go to the Kilkelly Caravan Park, where Ted's friend, Father O'Rourke, has offered them use of his caravan. Following the vague directions, Ted mistakes a rather luxurious caravan as O'Rourke's, only to find it occupied by a young couple showering together - the husband comes  out of the shower while talking to his wife and discovers the Fathers - the husband, in consequence, is, like the Fathers, left confused upon seeing them. After apologising profusely to the couple and the gardaí, Ted recognises that their caravan is a compact, squalid model, with barely enough room for the three of them. Only then does Ted realise that Dougal forgot to hitch the trailer containing all of their games and entertainment back at the parochial house with Ted also making clear that Dougal also forgot to lock the door - instantly stealers come in and out of the Parochial  House taking what they can find. After putting a cardboard 'sleeping box' over Jack's head to put him asleep after they start to get fed up of the boredom of being in this caravan, Ted and Dougal quickly exhaust all of the activities within the caravan. Pushing Jack in a wheelchair, they later explore the only two attractions nearby: St. Kevin's Stump and the Magic Road, where the laws of gravity seemingly disappear - while Ted and Dougal are distracted, Jack's wheelchair is dragged up the Magic Road, and he falls over a cliff, screaming a rather long  Drink! as he descends - the exact whereabouts of Jack now are revealed with a slight splash sound as he falls; the other Fathers think Jack has just gone for his own walk. After Ted and Dougal inadvertently come across the same young couple from the luxury caravan making out behind a rock, Ted has another word with the police, and he decides to report Jack missing. After it starts to rain heavily, Ted and Dougal return to the caravan, only to find for themselves that Father O'Rourke has also promised its use to Father Noel Furlong and his youth group , who are cramped inside and having a sing-song. Noel's boundless energy quickly grates on Ted, and confuses Dougal. Ted decides they will cut their vacation short, but before leaving, Ted and Dougal hide in an outhouse to avoid the man from the luxury caravan seeing them for a third time, and they realise too late that it is already in use by his wife. Her husband, clad only in a towel, chases after the Fathers after his wife calls him about what the Fathers did as they get in their car in a bid to drive off. The  man hangs onto the bonnet as Ted races away from the caravan park, the man's towel becoming lost along the way. Ted eventually stops, giving time for the man to, via being sent flying by the abrupt stop, get off; the man finds a glass bottle that he breaks slightly for the purpose of puncturing the tyres before he gives the Fathers offensive sign language for a enraged farewell bidding and walks off. Ted and Dougal, refusing to go back to the park if Noel is still going to be inside, look to hitchhike home (In the caravan, Noel  and his group are performing an Irish dance to Irish music; as they do so, their movements tip the caravan over to one side - the caravan is now lying on one side as a result of their dancing but what happened to the people inside is unknown). They are elated when island eccentric Tom, transporting raw sewage in a tanker-truck which he, at the start of this episode was given the responsibility of driving, offers them a ride. He however hits the wrong button to open the door, and instead opens the sewage release valve, treating the Fathers to  a foul drenching. Meanwhile, Jack is later shown on a luxury yacht - as he regains consciousness, he discovers that he is surrounded by "drink" and beautiful "girls" - he has awakened in the company of two of his favourite temptations. Continuity. Father Jack's regular vocabulary is expanded by one word starting in this episode, with "Girls!" being the new addition. Production. The Caravan site is located at Fanore Beach, County Clare, on the west coast of Ireland. The writers based the episode on their own childhood experiences. The caravan park was based on Graham Linehan's memories of being taken  on two-week-long holidays to grim caravan parks where it would always rain and there would be a plentiful supply of children to bully him. He would describe it as a "holiday in Hell", hence the episode's title. The unusual attractions such as the Magic Road were based on real-life locations Arthur Mathews had visited. During the filming of the scene in "Entertaining Father Stone", in which the priests play crazy golf in a rainstorm, which caused the actors to get soaking wet, Dermot Morgan joked that next time the writers will probably get them covered in  raw sewage. This is the entire reason why the scene where Ted and Dougal are sprayed with sewage was written. The actors did not realise that the substance made up to look like sewage was extremely cold; this caused them to run away from it very quickly when it was sprayed on them, and the writers to feel guilty about making them do it. Legacy. This episode includes one of the show's more memorable scenes, where Ted is trying to explain perspective to Dougal while in the caravan. In it, Ted says "These "[holding up toy cows]" are small ... but the ones out there "[pointing to real cows in a distant field]" are far away. Small... far away... ah forget it!" The scene is considered one of the show's most iconic, and was named as the third-best one-liner of any British sitcom in a January 2017 survey by "The Telegraph". The line was used as the title of "Small, Far Away", a documentary of the show created by creators Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews on the 15th anniversary of the show's premiere. The scene was not present in the original script, and was written in  to replace a scene in which Ted attempted and failed to teach Dougal how to play noughts and crosses.