iminyaka emithathu yedlula ngokuphazima kweso. ngacabanga ukuthi amaphoyisa e--ccp ngeke asangigada, ngakho ngabuyela ekhaya ukuze ngiyokwenza umsebenzi wami. nokho, kwenzeka okungalindelekile lapho, ngolunye usuku ekuseni ngo--agasti 2006, ngaphambi kokuba ngibe sekhaya ngaphezu kwezinsuku ezimbalwa nje, amaphoyisa amabi angivakashela. ngalolo suku, ngavuswa yizwi eliklabalasayo elangithusa ngisesebuthongweni: “sheshisa uvule umnyango, ngoba kungenjalo sizowubulala!” umyeni wami wayesanda nje kuvula umnyango lapho kungena amaphoyisa amabi ayisikhombisa noma ayisishiyagalombili njengabaphangi futhi, ngaphandle kokuchaza lutho, angibamba ase engidonsela emotweni yawo. ngenxa yokuthi unkulunkulu wayengivikela, angizange ngesabe. ngamane ngathandaza ngokungaphezi: “o, somandla nkulunkulu! namuhla ngiphinde ngawela ezandleni zalabo develi. ngicela uvikele inhliziyo yami, ungiphe amandla, futhi ngicela ukuba ngiphinde nginikeze ubufakazi ngawe.” lapho sifika esiteshini samaphoyisa, amaphoyisa amabi angithatha isithombe nezinyathelo zeminwe yami ngenkani. ase ethatha uhlu lwamagama futhi aqala ungikucindezela ngemibuzo: “ingabe uyabazi laba bantu? obani osebenza nabo?” ngibona amagama ajwayelekile abanye odadewethu ohlwini, ngaphendula ngokungajahi: “angibazi, futhi akukho engisebenza nabo!” ngathi ngingakaqedi ukukhuluma elinye lawo labhavumula, “unyamalale iminyaka embalwa, ingabe ubukuphi? unabo osebenza nabo. ingabe usakholelwa kunkulunkulu usomandla? khuluma iqiniso.” ekuqaleni amazwi ephoyisa elibi angenza ngadabuka futhi ngacasuka, futhi ngathukuthela ngaphelelwa amagama: lokho engikukholelwayo namuhla ukuphela kukankulunkulu weqiniso owadala amazulu nomhlaba kanye nazo zonke izinto, lokho engikufunayo iqiniso, indlela engiyihambayo iyona ndlela efanele ekuphileni, nokuthi zonke lezi zinto zisobala futhi zilungile. kodwa nokho labo develi, abangenawo nhlobo unembeza, selokhu bayangilandela, bebekela inkululeko yami imingcele, bangikhiphela ngaphandle kwekhaya lami, bangahlukanisa nomndeni wami futhi bazama ukungiphoqelela ukuba ngikhaphele unkulunkulu. yini embi ngokukholelwa kunkulunkulu nangokufuna ukuba umuntu omuhle? kungani bengangivumeli ukuba ngilandele unkulunkulu usomandla futhi ngihambe endleleni efanele empilweni? iqembu labodeveli elakha uhulumeni we--ccp liphambene kakhulu impela futhi alinankulunkulu; liyizitha ezingenakubuyisana nonkulunkulu futhi ikakhulu liyizitha engingeke ngihlalisane nazo. ekudabukeni nasekuthukutheleni kwami ngazithola sengicabanga ngamazwi kankunkulu usomandla engqondweni: “labo thathekile! babonga umusa ngenzondo, bebelokhu bengamthandi unkulunkulu, bemhlukumeza, bakhohlakele kabi, abamazi nokuthi uyini unkulunkulu, bayamntshontshela futhi bamthuke, abasenawo nhlobo unembeza, abanawo ngisho nomncane umusa…. …izinkulungwane zeminyaka yenzondo zigxile enhliziyweni, izinkulungwane zesono zisenhliziyweni—kungahlala kanjani lokhu kungayikhuthazi inzondo? kuphindiselele unkulunkulu, kubuqede bonke ubutha, ungabe usakuvumela, ungakuvumeli ukuba kudale ezinye izinkinga njengoba kufisa! manje isikhathi: umuntu ubelokhu eqoqa amandla akhe, unikele ngayo yonke imizamo yakhe, wakukhokha konke, ngenxa yalokhu, ukuze embule ubuso bamademoni futhi avumele abantu, abenziwe izimpumputhe, wabekezelela lonke uhlobo lokuhlupheka nobunzima, ukuze aqede ubuhlungu futhi ajikele lo develi omdala omubi” (umsebenzi nokungena (8) kwethi izwi livela lisenyameni). kulawa mazwi kankunkulu ngaqonda intando yakhe, kwase kuvuka kimi inzondo ebabayo yalabo develi. unkulunkulu wadala amazulu nomhlaba nazo zonke izinto futhi unakekela isintu; isintu sijabulela insada enkulu kankulunkulu, futhi ukukholelwa kunkulunkulu nokukhulekela unkulunkulu bekulokhu kungumthetho wezulu nesimiso somhlaba. kodwa nokho uhulumeni we--ccp wenza konke ongakwenza ukuba ucindezele ngonya labo abakholelwa kunkulunkulu usomandla; ubazingela kakhulu, ubabophe ngokungafanele, ubahluphe futhi ubahlukumeze ngonya, ubavalele emakamu okufukuza futhi uyabathuka futhi uhlekise ngabo, ngethemba lokuthi uzoqeda bonke labo abakholelwa kunkulunkulu futhi uqede umsebenzi kankulunkulu wokusindisa umuntu ezinsukwini zokugcina—mubi ngempela futhi wenyanyeka ngokwedlulele! kule minyaka edlule, ukube unkulunkulu usomandla akangivikelanga futhi wanginakekela, ngabe kade ngabulawa ngonya usathane udeveli. ngibhekene nale mpi engokomoya yokuphila nokufa, ngiye ngazimisela: kufanele ngimelele iqiniso futhi kufanele ngithande unkulunkulu ngisho noma ngibhekene nobuhlungu obukhulu, futhi ngifunga ngokuphila kwami ukuba ngifakaze ngonkulunkulu!